Talking Like A Teen

[Story Time Jingle] So back in the elusive year of 2004, when Kanye, Tyra Banks, and Joanne Kathleen Rowling were vying for position as voices of our generation, I exploited a loophole in my high school's graduation requirements for personal lasting gain. They required every human child (and every non-human child pretending to be a human child, let's be real, we've all seen Men In Black) to complete a required Speech class, in which you had to write, research, and perform several written pieces of different styles throughout a semester. To me, a shy, anxiety-ridden introvert who had already failed multiple presentations in her academic career due to panic attack, this sounded like Hell on Earth. However, enter the loophole. You had the option to take classes in summer school. Three weeks, eight hours a day…this was also Hell on Earth, but…abbreviated. I weighed the options with my teenage brain and the answer seemed clear: Shorter = better. To summer school we went. This class went on to have a lasting impact on my life. I learned that when you are presenting, hardly anyone is actually listening to you because they are living in their own little worlds. This brought me great comfort. I learned that telling a story verbally versus written does require slightly different skill sets, which is why I still feel like you're losing a certain something in audiobooks, but that's another spiel for another episode blurb. I learned that humor can absolutely be used to get you out of a momentary jam (a lesson reaffirmed by the Simpsons episode “Bart Gets Famous”, go watch it, get learnt.) I went on to take another required public speaking class in college and ace it, even at one point having the professor try to convince me to change my major to a public relations/marketing one. Honestly…probably a good idea in hindsight. Past me took an L not doing that. Anyway. [Ending Story Time Jingle] You might be asking yourself “This is all well and good Burgs, but what does this have to do with a podcast episode you recorded almost 20 years later?” And I would respond with “Almost nothing except during one of my friend's speeches, she taught people how to heel-toe march properly as a way to not spill a very full beverage while walking and it's a thing I do to this very day and was a thing I did to get my coffee over to my computer to write this. Shout out to Claire; my area rug remains mostly pristine and coffee-free. So in closing, you learn unexpected things in unexpected spaces, much like in Part One of our 2024 Music Wrap-Up. Enjoy. :) 

(To the tune of “Bad Boyfriend” by Garbage) I've got a fever, come check it and see My anger's burning and rolling in me We may not last but there's no fun till it ends C'mon, baby, you're a bad president I wanna hear you take all of the blame I wanna see you burn up in flames Send you to jail so I can cheer with my friends C'mon, baby, you're a bad president So foul, shitty, you suck, can't you see But watch out Tool-belt, we'll sting like a bee We know some tricks that'll bring your reign to an end C'mon, baby, you're a bad president My fever's rising, you ran outta luck Say what, sugar? Your VP fucked what? Let's lock you up for one hundred and ten C'mon, baby, you're a bad president It's wild the way you exploit us It's wild the way you persecute us It's wild the way you sell short us Wrapped your heart up with hate from the start You've got the women waiting in line You're not asking them to use their own minds Let them control their bodies, at least now and then They've got something special for a bad president If you can't rule them justly, step down, don't pretend Oh, they've saved something special for the very end If you can't rule them justly, step down, don't pretend C'mon, baby, you're my bad president Oh, c'mon, baby, you're my bad president

The episode write up for “Part Twos” is always harder than Part One because there is a part of me that just wants to go “Hey, the one from before? It's the wrap up of that one. Listen to it because who wants to leave a thing unfinished?” but that feels lazy and I never know how low-effort I can get with these before Adrian frowns at me and thinks, “I waited around for her to do this? Bruh, I could also have done this in ten minutes not like I also can't string words together” and…yeah, Mind's Eye Adrian is right. I also thought about just copy/pasting in a recipe for goulash and calling it a day there too. Which is also a bit low effort, but funny, which is the goal: teh jokez. But for serious: We talk about Fast Five some more. The Rock is really sweaty. Like distractingly sweaty. Like I'm concerned for his health levels of sweaty in it. We do some character analysis. There's more things to add to our Not How Physics Do Counter. There's the drama of which host makes the Simpsons reference first. This episode has all the good TLAT things that you crave [and] a joke about goulash. This could be our shawarma bit. We could Make Goulash Great Again. (It's been great this whole time, don't get it twisted.) Anyway. Um. Mind's Eye Adrian, I'm sorry this write up is weird, I did try. Here's a link to a recipe for traditional Hungarian goulash I will haunt you if you put macaroni noodles in it: https://www.recipetineats.com/hungarian-goulash-recipe/.

I've got Covid, so my brain is just one big foggy abyss that I'm trying to wrangle myself through. Because foggy abyss, I've mostly just had on things in the background that I've seen too many times–old cartoons like Spongebob. So I just finished watching the Pizza Delivery episode and I can't help thinking about a Fast & Furious take on that. Brian has too many feelings and crashes the one vehicle they have. They're forced to walk until Dom magically finds a Dodge Charger branded rock. Tej and Roman work on a map back to civilization based on where they've seen moss on rocks. Leo and Santos argue about lyrics for the new Krusty Krab Pizza jingle they'll need for marketing. Gisele teasing Han about munching on all their coral. I'm just saying. It could be a thing. Anyway. This episode is about Fast Five. It's the first part of two. Hope you enjoy it. Get the vaccine and such. Love y'all.

In the town where he was born Lived a Salarian who sailed to space And he told us of his life In the land of spaceships So he sailed up past the Sun 'Til we found …electricity? And we crashed beneath the waves In our Adjacent Galaxy We all moved to an adjacent galaxy Adjacent Galaxy, Adjacent Galaxy We all moved to an adjacent galaxy Adjacent Galaxy, Adjacent Galaxy And our friends were all aboard Many more of them lived next door And the Reapers began to play We all moved to an adjacent galaxy Adjacent Galaxy, Adjacent Galaxy We all moved to an adjacent galaxy Adjacent Galaxy, Adjacent Galaxy Full speed ahead, Kallo Jath, full speed ahead! Full speed it is, Pathfinder! Deploy the pod, deploy the pod! Aye-aye, sir, aye-aye! Screw you, Peebee! As we live a life of ease (a life of ease) Everyone of us (everyone of us) has all we need (no more Peebee) Sky of blue (sky of blue) and sea of green (sea of green) In our Adjacent (in our Adjacent) Galaxy (Galaxy, ah-ha) We all moved to an adjacent galaxy Adjacent Galaxy, Adjacent Galaxy We all moved to an adjacent galaxy Adjacent Galaxy, Adjacent Galaxy We all moved to an adjacent galaxy Adjacent Galaxy, Adjacent Galaxy We all moved to an adjacent galaxy Adjacent Galaxy, Adjacent Galaxy

When I suggested to Adrian that we should once again turn our shared suffering into Capital-C Content and talk about Mass Effect: Andromeda, we had the normal boring calendar convos that come with any adult trying to interface with another adult in Late Stage Capitalism. We scheduled a record time like normal. Didn't expect it to go for almost five hours. Boy, were our faces tired after we were done. (Get it? Like the meme?) This line bothers me, rough facial animations aside because this is not a thing. It's not a colloquialism. It's a weird line that I don't understand. In a dialogue-heavy video game like this, where tens of thousands of lines, not every line is a winner for sure, but I just keep thinking about it. Is it supposed to be exhausted rambling? A bad joke, referencing something Ryder says earlier in the conversation? A metaphor for masking or maybe professionalism? Does it matter what I think? Maybe it's a good line and brainface is tired. Maybe now the five hour record time makes a bit more sense. There's just a lot here to unpack. So. Enjoy the first part of our face-tiring journey.

Hi! Hello! So originally I was gonna write a version of the song from “We're Back: A Dinosaur Story” but like…the vast majority of you don't know that song or probably that movie. John Goodman sings. It's a whole thing. But the kids today have their Dreamworks and their Disneys and before Dreamworks was riding high on money made from Shrek memes and people paying to not see that Will Smith fish face ever again, those animators worked for Amblin Entertainment making, among other things, this absolutely wild animated movie about dinosaurs and museums and bluebirds and a guy (spoilers) being EATEN ALIVE BY CROWS IN A CHILDREN'S MOVIE. The kids in the movie are wild–one is this little tough guy who sounds like an extra in the “Bing Bong” tiktok (I'll link it below) and the other kid is just Daisy Buchanan voiced by Lisa Simpson (no, it's the same voice actor and I just spend the entire movie waiting for her to start screaming at Bing Bong to quit it). Julia Child voices a scientist named Dr. Bleeb (I don't know why but this last name sends literal shivers down my spine) and Jay Leno voices an alien and John Goodman as a dinosaur keeps doing this impression of a scientist who is voiced by Walter Cronkite and it's all like…very well done but totally unhinged? Not to mention the plot of this thing which is Gwen Stefani levels of bananas and the more I talk about this more this might actually be an episode, so...forget that you read this because I might reuse these jokes. Anyway, “We're Back: A Dinosaur Story” is a cinematic masterpiece and this episode is also a masterpiece and a celebration of two dinosaurs coming back from the dead to…um…go to the Museum of Natural History. (So sue me, the metaphor isn't 1:1.)

It's End-Of-Year playlist tiiiiiiime! I almost just sent this, but I feel like Adrian might be mad. So. Let's empty my brain,shall we? Right now it's just Stardew Valley and “Yule Shoot Your Eye Out”, so…let's do a Stardew 12 days of Christmas. I got this: For the Feast of the Winter Star, my true love sent to me / Twelve marriage candidates / Eleven potluck soup ingredients / Ten triple espressos consumed / Nine moonlight jellies / Eight friendship hearts / Seven spicy eels while mining / Six hidden colored eggs / Five ancient fruit seeds / Four singing mermaids / Three blue chickens / Two dino eggs / And a golden pumpkin for spirit's eve

On this episode of Talking Like A Teen, we are literally rushing back into our past to check out an episode of Adrian Has Issues from 2018, a year before this podcast would debut, to hear its proto beginnings. The kernel of this show is present here: snotty music chatter, crabbing about how the NHL is terrible and yet we love it, shit talking and general…us…ness. It's a fun look back. But as this episode is being released around Thanksgiving, this episode did make me thankful for a few things that have changed since 2018: 1) I bought a podcasting mic and no longer just shout in the general direction of my laptop. 2) The Blackhawks are bad now and the NHL isn't actively using Patrick Kane's dumb face to try to sell professional hockey. 3) I'd love to say that Kid Rock has shown any sort of growth or remorse since this, but I don't think he has, so…I'm thankful I blocked him on twitter? 4) You. Yes, you. Thanks for listening and reading these goober descriptions.

On this special episode of Conversing with an Adult, Ashley and Adrian come together to celebrate the most holy of TLAT holidays: N7 Day! They pulled out a Prothean relic from Adrian's podcast “Adrian Has Issues” – an interview they did a couple of years ago with Mass Effect protagonist FemShep voice actor Jennifer Hale! Jennifer Hale talks about recording her first audiobook, making music, and the importance of voting in our current political hellscape. (Midterms are this week, so the message still stands–go vote, if you're able.) So, respectfully, please check out the episode. This One hopes you enjoy it!

I had like three really grandiose plans for this write up that I banged my head against for awhile before giving up and well…here we are, another one of these stream of consciousness write ups again because none of those really panned out. So, essentially, on this episode of Talking Like A Teen, we tasked ourselves with building Halloween inspired playlists that we exchanged. We analyzed them, we had some laughs, made some references, all that. It's a good one. Better than this write up. I promise I'm not being lazy. I think I used all my brain power on the last one. (which is a masterpiece, if I may say so myself. Am I allowed to say that? Welp. I've already said it, so….) So, I guess in closing, this episode is great and you should listen to it, no matter how lame the write up is.

[To the tune of “Belle” from Disney's Beauty And The Beast] Little town, a spooky French village Every day like the one before Little town, full of little monsters Waking up to say Boo-jour! Boo-jour! Boo-jour! Boo-jour! Boo-jour! There goes the vampire with his tray like always The same old bloody treats to sell Every morning just the same Since the morning that we came To this grim, spine-chilling town Grim Mourning, Ban-shee! Grim mourning, Monsieur Goblín Have you lost something again? Well, I believe I have Problem is, I, I can't remember what Oh well, I'm sure it'll come to me Where are you off to? To return this book to Père WhereWolf? It's about two zombies in fair Verona Sounds mind-numbing Look there she goes, that girl is eerie, no question Ghastly and gruesome, can't you tell? Never part of any crowd Left her head up on some cloud No denying she's a ghouly girl, Ban-shee Boo-jour! Grim day! How is your family? Boo-jour! Grim day! How is your wife?I need six brains! That's too expensive! There must be more than this shuddersome life! (We're talking about Nightmare Before Christmas. Enjoy it!)

(ALERT: THIS EPISODE CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE MASS EFFECT FRANCHISE.) I spent the afternoon at my friends' kid's birthday party and spent most of my time trying to think of what to do for this write up while no one talked to me (probably because I was staring off into space thinking about this write up. I'm sure that's not welcoming.) The obvious “rewrite ‘Midnight Train to Georgia' about Mass Effect” was right there, but I've been rewriting a lot of songs lately and I don't want that to get stale. I saw a hilarious McDLT commercial earlier this week where Jason Alexander (yes, that one) sings and dances about how this giant container that now fills many-a landfill keeps the tomato and lettuce cold and the patty hot, and while it brought me much joy, I didn't feel like re-writing a bonkers burger ad. I thought about sprinkling the write up with lots of 30 Rock references, but I'm like 97% sure I've already done that. Which left me with two options: A) Just summarize the episode and sprinkle in some dumb jokes or B) let you all glimpse into my head for an afternoon and see that I actually do take this seriously. I guess you can figure out which option I chose. Anyway. Um. My dinner just arrived (I ordered takeout because I couldn't get groceries on account of said birthday party) so…I'm going to go eat poke and watch Top Chef. This episode is about BioWare stuff, RPGS, JRPGs and The Dark Knight Rises. I sing. Adrian does impressions. It's a good one. Enjoy it.

(DISCLAIMER: This is not an endorsement of an actual currency, crypto or otherwise. In fact, quite the opposite, as money is stupid and only real because we as a society pretend it has value. The following, at its core, is me taking a joke made on this episode too far, as per usual. This is the second half of the Minivan Rock episode. Link to the list is below. Enjoy the madness.)  [To the tune of “Click, Click Boom” by Saliva] C'mon, c'mon! C'mon, c'mon! All those Saturdays when bros go out and play Yo, I was up in my room, I was on the blockchain Wasn't faded, not jaded, just a lad With a mouse and a screen and virtual financial cravings All this, I seek, I find I push my hard drive to the line Make it, take it, right click it Until my token's overrated! Click, click, coin! I'm coming down for your bitcoin, bro this ain't no tangible note Click, click, coin! I'm mining down for that new style and you know it's Centralised Click, click, coin! Digital money movement, touring 'round the nation Leaving the boys in devastation (HODL!)

Who has no eyes, nose or mouth? Who wears Vans when they lumber about? They do, They do! Who stands six Nerf Blasters Tall? Who manifested Gritty's downfall? They do, They do! Who unleashes play in you? Who shoots darts from their sea-doo ? They do, They do! Who wants you to touch some grass? Who wields a gun with maximum sass? They do, They do!

On this episode of Talking Like A Teen, unlike previous ones, this one is about…nothing. Like a Seinfield episode, I guess? Only with less New York references. If you ever wondered what a casual non-podcast conversation between the two of us sounds like, here it is, in its mildly edited glory. It's two elder millennials having a couple of adult beverages, decompressing from the bowels of living in this late-stage capitalist hellscape by talking about stuff like concerts, Beach House, and greasy Chinese food. So….yeah. Sorry. Not all of the episodes are as easy to sum up as the ones about Power Rangers movies, amirite? But it's still a good time, promise. I should make another Seinfield reference to tie this bad boy up. Um….something something puffy shirt. There. Nailed it.

Katherine and Tanya, ooh, I wanna take ya There's Adam and Tommy, Rocky's got head trauma Kimberly and Jason (Baby Justin please stay home) In the next dimension There's a place with Maligor That's where you wanna go to get away from it all Dead bodies in the sand, spewing lava melting off your hand We'll be running away from the possessed drum band Down with Maligor Katherine and Tanya, ooh, I wanna take ya There's Adam and Tommy, Rocky's got head trauma Kimberly and Jason (Baby Justin please stay home) (Ooh I wanna take you down with Maligor) We'll run away fast and then your brain thinks slow That's where we wanna go Way down with Maligor Ghost Galleon, that ghostly ship mystique We'll put out to sea and we'll stall the movie With Karate, we'll defy a little bit of gravity There's a submarine, Space pirates and moonlit nights That dreamy look in your eye, Elgar gave your mind contact high Way down with Maligor

Network Executive: “We at the network want a Power Rangers movie with attitude. It's edgy. It's in your face. You've heard the expression "Shift Into Turbo." Well, this is a movie that gets "Tur-Booo." Consistently and thoroughly. Oh, God, yes. We're talking about a totally outrageously creepy puppet. We're talking about vehicles with the power and velocity of turbo technology.” Writer: “Excuse me, but "Turbo" and "Velocity"- aren't these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that. I'm fired, aren't I?” Network Executive: “Oh, yes. The rest of you writers start thinking up a name for this funky movie. I don't know. Something along the lines of, say, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie. Only more proactive. Yeah!” (In case my Simpsons reference was confusing, this is the first part of our discussion of Turbo: A Power Rangers movie. Enjoy it.)

People can smell it a mile away. It's real. Garlic. Molasses. Onions. Spices. You can come to a million of his barbecues and you'll never see him mess with no dressed-up ketchup. No. Way. He needs the REAL stuff. So come on over to Bilkins' house for some KC Masterpiece. Anything else just isn't barbecue fit for your family. On this episode of Talking like a Teen, Adrian and Ashley take a break from helping man the grill to finish up their discussion on the fourth installation of the Fast & Furious franchise. They dive into character arc conversations, this movie's place within the franchise, and these movies' ability to find the sweet and tangy spot between grounded reality and silly action movies. So. Grab some beers (you can have any kind you want, as long as it's a Corona), say grace, and let's grub. Family. (and don't forget to try Bilkins' new sauces: Honey Smoke and Roasted Garlic Herb.)

Sometimes podcasting is recording something two years ago, technology ruining it, and then you forget to re-record it until you schedule a time to record with your podcast partner two years later, and neither of you really prepped to talk about your original topic, so you flail around until one of you stumbles upon a google document from the past. So the timeline makes about as much sense as the Fast and Furious timeline. (wink) So on this episode of Talking Like A Teen, Adrian and Ashley close a time loop and begin their discussion of Fast & Furious (Fast 4). They talk about the short-changing of Letty's character, Dom's heel turn into full “Renegade Shepard,” the evolution of Paul Walker's hair, and Ashley's instinct to ask all of the other characters where Han is whenever he's not on-screen. Stay tuned for Part 2!

On this episode of Talking Like A Teen, Adrian blindsided Ashley with our topic for the evening: Weezer. They go through Weezer's discography and history, while also trying to navigate Rivers Cuomo's progression from Indie Rock Darling to Karaoke Bar Annoyance. While trying to make their way on this weird road trip, they find their way to some weird tourist traps like World's Biggest Snake on a Plane, a corn maze of Bette Midler's face, and Metallica World. So get your Bugles and trail mix and make sure your bag is packed for this weird TLAT adventure.

On this episode of Talking Like A Teen, Ashley & Adrian tackle yet another set of year-end playlists. We discuss that despite the world being a metaphorical dumpster on fire, new releases this year were numerous and great. We go through our favorite hipster nonsense, rock gods, music TikTok tried to ruin, hip-hop, video game jams, and Garbage

On this episode of Talking Like A Teen, Ashley and Adrian celebrate the release of Lil Nas X's debut album Montero. They discuss some of the initial reactions and favorites, as well as The Dreaded Discourse around a talented musician trying to have fun while putting themselves through the dregs of self promotion. (Not that we're biased on our opinions or anything.) Theyalso dip their toes into game show hosting territory as they quiz each other on some of the mostridiculously long song titles. They also debut a new segment from a long-time TLAT correspondent. There, write up. I did it. Yay me. :D

On this episode of Talking Like A Teen, Ashley & Adrian have stone-facedly lumbered from the Non-Podcasting Swamp, carrying our oil lamps and walking verrrrrrrrry slowly as we do our best Bray Wyatt impressions. (The video's below, it'll make sense, I promise.) We each sit down in our rocking chairs and then the stage lights come up and we begin to discuss the soundtrack for Scream 2 (1997), because it's spooooooky season and that's how we do things. We talk about the construction of movie soundtracks in the 90s, the Scream franchise and its impact on meta media, and how odd 90s movie tie-in music videos are. We do a deep dive into Sugar Ray, Tonic, Master P, and the Aummer of Ska before taking a quick trip to the mall. We also found the REAL Zodiac Killer. You're welcome. Anyway. Um. We're back baybeeeeeeee!

This week we low-key introduced our mini-episode series entitled Conversing With An Adult. Ashley takes a brief moment to give listeners a heads up with what we've been up to plus get a little real about burnout and content creation. Thank you for sticking with us. It means more than you'll ever know.

“Communicator Bling” You always call me on my wrist watch After school when you need my help Call me on my wrist watch Weekends when you need my help And I know when that wrist watch sing That can only mean one thing I know when that wrist watch sing That can only mean one thing Ever since I started high school, you Got a reputation for yourself now Friends having fun and I feel left out Zordon ignoring labor laws, you got me stressed out Cause ever since I started high school, you Made me chill out less and fight some Putties more Rita and Zed here causing chaos, sure Hangin' with some monsters I've never seen before These days, all I do is Wonder why you're making me bend backwards for a whole town Wonder why we can't call 911 for the whole town Not doing things I ask, write a paycheck for someone else You don't ask no one else You don't need nobody else, no I'm never left alone Why you never give me a loan Used to always stay at home, be a good kid Occasionally chill out, yeah You should just call an adult Right now, you're exploiting child labor yeah.

Centuries ago, a legendary interdemensional being known as ZORDON came to the city of Angel Grove to establish a recording studio for his never-ending struggle against boring programming. With the aid of his trusted assistant, ALPHA 5, the noble master sought out two extraordinary 30-somethings and gave them the power to transform into a superhuman fighting force. In time of great need, the young heroes could use their powers to call upon colossal audio programs known as PODCASTS. The identity of the two remained a guarded secret. Today, that tradition continues...

Adrian here. Despite the episode title, neither Ashley or I are in a great mood. It happens. WhatCulture insisted that they had a list of Top 10 songs proven to make us happy. Possible spoiler: It may have had the total opposite effect. Mistakes were made. However, you get the added bonus of laughing at our pain as we attempt answer some of music's most baffling questions: Why was the singer of New Radicals so hellbent on fighting Courtney Love and Hanson? Are the Beatles overrated? And why is Adrian so enamored with progressive rock songs about space prisons? Did any of these songs make you happy? Let us know!

So, I’m going to see if Adrian can embed this meme from 2018 that we reference approximately 38 times in this episode, just for context. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Lb-A756On8) At any rate--back to business. We are wrapping up our desert island video game series before we get the hell off this island. (I’m very tired of mangos, y’all. I need a burger.) We talk some Sega and Nintendo games, do a deep psychological dive into Pokémon starters, shoot some paintballs at James Bond and his friends, and we even step on Sarah McLachlan’s toes and drop a couple “in the arms of the angel” PSAs on your earholes before the podcast takes a turn and captures real genu-iiiiine human emotion. And of course, like the best podcast episodes, we made you say both “ungh” and “n-nah n-nah”. So. We may be trapped on an island eating mangoes, but at least we got that going for us. Now, I got my Hunger Games-style shipment of Mass Effect Legendary Edition, so...I should go.

Adrian here. Yeah, I know I don't usually do the write-ups. But don't leave! I swear this will be fun! Long story short, Ashley and I ended up on a deserted island. Boat sprung a leak. Kinda my fault. Don't worry about that. We're stuck here, but luckily our crates filled with our podcast equipment and favorite videogame consoles washed ashore. We probably should've packed more food/water, though. Mistakes were made. Oh, well. Anyway, enjoy this fun chat about some of our favorite games that we played in between trying to find a volleyball to hang out with. Hey, it worked for Tom Hanks.

So...I was going to write an episode description about this Dad Rock compilation that we discuss in this episode, but I made the mistake of going to Youtube to watch the Batman Forever version of the “Kiss From a Rose'' video, and...I can’t string words together any more. My brain has been vaporized by that green...tv box...thing from that movie. I have so much conflict inside of me. This episode is very funny and you should listen to it. You should also take four minutes and watch this music video, so you understand why my brain is mush forever: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwvNAai29_0

PREVIOUSLY ON X-MEN! Um. I mean….Previously on Talking Like A Teen, Adrian and Ashley wrap up their 2020 playlists. They discuss Adrian’s 2020 playlist, diving deep into how anxiety-inducing music is good maybe, (because you need a soundtrack to destroy robots that are chasing you around a mall sometimes while rescuing a teenage girl), music that inspires you to do crime is always good (like trying to blow up a chemical plant, military missile facility, or US Senator Robert Edward Kelly’s brain), and that every playlist needs a song from a Sad White Lady (JEAN GRAY JEAN GRAY JEAN GRAY.) We learn some lessons from Adrian’s playlist as well, like how we should trust our family to not be assassins targeting political figures, sometimes we think rip-off Bowie sewer-dwellers are dodgy but they’re ok, and don’t get attached to that weird guy you’ve never seen in any of the comics before. Like other episodes, allegories for racism, classism, and sexism are rampant throughout--as well as a connecting storyline. Pretty deep for a children’s cartoon show--I mean...um...podcast episode. Obviously. Because we’re only talking about one thing here. Anyway...THIS ONE’S FOR YOU, MORPH. (All of this stuff is literally from the first season of the X-Men cartoon and holy shit, we just let kids watch whatever in the 90s, didn’t we?)

On this episode of Talking Like a Teen, the Senior VP of Sustenance Delivered Via Miniaturized Foodstuffs (Security Codename: BagelBites) and the UN High Commission of Simulated Combustion and Rounded Playthings (Security Codename: Crossfire) take a break from overseeing the world’s most important things to talk about the music of 2020. They discuss, among other things, the HBO/HAIM crossover you didn’t know you needed until now, Phoebe Bridgers’ first day of Mainstream Musical Success School, and how the Gorillaz might actually be the voice of a generation (sorry Kanye, your reign is over...back to the ocean with you.) These two executives also spend more time than important people should squeeing about Miike Snow, singing, and talking about some video game that is either about edible bugs or sentient snacks, depending on who you ask. They also take a moment to be genuinely thankful human beings before transferring you to the Italian ambassador’s office answering machine so you can make your prank phone call. This synopsis is brought to you by the UN and the Office of Making Silly Things Sound Overly Serious.

On this episode of Talking Like a Teen, Adrian and Ashley sidestep another weird ASMR podcast idea to finish talking about @ChillWaveKittens Old School Alternative bracket. They discuss another face on the Mount Rushmore of Problematic Faves Morrissey, the #girlboss narrative around Bjork, and the cautionary tale of Elliott Smith. Wait, I know that sounds serious--come back. Here’s your blankie and an apple juice--just sit still and hear me out. There’s the normal amount of nonsense as well, I promise. There are multiple singalongs (bonus points for the music drinking game because Ashley actually sings too), they drag Keith Richards for being a greedy jerk, talk TMNT toys, and somehow, some way, make it to the end of the bracket and crown their respective champions. And spoiler alert, no one gets swallowed by a whale in this one. Maybe next time.

On this episode of Talking Like a Teen, Adrian and Ashley find themselves trapped inside a nightmare of bad hockey and indie rock greats as they tackle another @ChillWaveKittens music bracket. They barely manage to wipe the sleep from their eyes before immediately starting a war with Nick Cave fans, K-Pop Twitter, and offending both sides of the Blur/Oasis Brit-Pop Battle of 1995. They try to get a handle on why Beck and Radiohead are so fetch, and for those of you playing the “Take a drink every time Adrian sings” drinking game, you are in for a treat. Somehow, through the chaos, they do manage to pick their champions, who will face off with the winners of the upcoming part two episode. This episode is sponsored by delirium and not enough caffeine.

On this episode of Talking Like A Teen, Ashley and Adrian take a look at the background of Blink-182’s album Neighborhoods. They take a look at the history leading up to the release of the album, including their initial hiatus, side projects, and what brought them back together. Ashley spends...a lot of time...dragging Angels & Airwaves (why did we let this pretentiousness exist), Adrian does some Tim Armstrong impressions, and they talk about the relationship between artist and consumer before the podcast devolves into squeeing over Travis’ BDE: Big Donatello Energy. Also, your hosts humbly request that you listen to this episode in an empty room, with one poster of Travis Barker, an old couch you pulled out of a dumpster, and a single lit pumpkin-scented candle.

Previously on the last episode of Talking Like a Teen, Ashley & Adrian started working their way through IG’s @ChillWaveKitten's 2000s indie rock bracket. After working through one half of the bracket, your hosts have reconvened to go through the other half of the bracket and each crown their own champion. They also get into a discussion about Zach Braff and The Shins, whether you can be underrated when someone makes an episode of American Dad about your band, and whether or not Isaac Brock would buy you and your high school friends beer for your house party. Adrian also relives his live Flaming Lips experience, Ashley disparages the good name of Bright Eyes and the two try to figure out whose champion reigns supreme.

On this episode of Talking Like a Teen, two friends reunite on mic after not recording for a couple of months (because one of them moved across the country and it was a Whole Thing™) to find the world in shambles. They attempt to put the world back together in the whole way they know how--by teaming up with Instagram cool guy/music fan @ChillWaveKittens to tackle a music-meets-sports bracket discussing 2000s indie rock. Ashley and Adrian argue yet again about Arcade Fire, Adrian waxes poetic about meeting the Thermals, they sing the praises of their indie rock dads, and Ashley dispenses Decemberists-themed life advice. They also check in on video games, talking a bit about the rumored Mass Effect remaster and some Street Fighter II chat.

On this episode of Talking Like A Teen, Adrian & Ashley TLAT™ their best trap album concept to date before diving into a music themed Q&A session. They make a pit stop into some NHL chat (which is obviously dated in that we found reason to be optimistic re: the New Jersey Devils) and try to figure out why some teams haven’t broken down and gotten a hockey dog yet. They find a way to low-key insult the lovely state of Wyoming, high-key insult the state of Texas, and super duper key insult the band Deep Purple before going on an existential journey to discover why this podcast exists.

On this episode of Talking Like a Teen, Ashley and Adrian take a break from their P.O.D. singalong to have a conversation about the late 1990s music scene. The hosts dust off their investigative journalism skills as they uncover the secret conservative plot known as swing music, Thom Yorke as a piece of music technology posing as a human male, and out Adrian as the President of the Evan and Jaron Fan Club. They also do a deep dive into the totally unremarkable not-at-all-chaotic event of Woodstock ‘99, as they discuss the lineups and their own personal histories with festival events. Also, Ashley’s mom stops by to say hi.

On this episode of Talking Like a Teen, Adrian and Ashley try to process the end of 2019 the only way they know--through the building of playlists. Both hosts go through...a lot...while discussing the playlists they’ve created: Adrian talks metal while Ashley takes a nap, Ashley talks pop music while Adrian cringes, and Blink-182 almost ends a friendship. They also discuss their Spotify: Wrapped statistics for the year and wrap up their decades musically before ending the episode much like the decade: in pure and utter chaos.

Looking for a fine Dwarven podcast, direct from Orzammar? You won’t find better than this episode of Talking Like a Teen, in which Adrian and Ashley wrap up their chat on BioWare games by talking about the Dragon Age series. They discuss their origins with Dragon Age Origins, their love for a certain Templar and swamp witch and Captain Janeway before discussing the hot take that tropes are good, STFU. They also discuss race and representation in games and crunch in the game industry. Ashley also provides some tips and tricks to help those who struggled with it get through Dragon Age 2, and no, it’s not a drinking game, but she would be very open to coming up with a drinking game for DA2 if someone asked for it--because that’s all she’s really there for anyway (aside from delivering bad news and witty one-liners.) 

Chummily: On this episode of Talking Like A Teen, Adrian and Ashley discuss the video game series Mass Effect. Informatively: They discuss their history with the BioWare franchise, their favorite characters, and the use of morality within the franchise to cause Adrian emotional distress. Revealing: they also discuss humanity’s role within the Mass Effect setting and their desire for an elcore companion. Humbly: we hope you enjoy this episode and engage with us on social media. Helpfully: the links are below.

On this episode of Talking Like A Teen, Adrian and Ashley finish discussing their “Summer Jams” playlist. They tackle Adrian’s indie jams from the latter aughts, as well as discussing how awkward the word “aughts” actually is. Their conversation goes some places--from squeeing over the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and the Thermals, to getting caught up in our feelings about the National, to politics in music and coming to terms with enjoying art from troublesome people. Oh, and (for the second consecutive episode!!) they also actually talk about Tegan and Sara.

Previously on the last episode of Talking Like A Teen, Adrian and Ashley put together a “Summer Jams” playlist that covered the 2000s decade, with each host covering half of a decade. This go-around, the duo swap half-decades and begin working on building their second playlist. They also threaten to fight every single one of you (because we value you, we promise!) before brainstorming hypothetical Florida Panthers’ goal song choices and dealing with high school angst. Oh, and they also actually talk about Tegan and Sara.

On this episode on Talking Like A Teen, Adrian and Ashley take a break from summer vacation to put together a 2000s “Summer Jams” playlist. The two outline their mental anguish for taking on such a feat, before breaking down their lists. They also get into the age-old Taking Back Sunday vs Brand New grudge match before revealing their new “Story Time!” segment. The duo also stretch their vocal cords before announcing their very legitimate not at all get-rich-quick scheme plans to release a trap/pop punk album.

On this episode of ACT A FOOL: A LUDACRIS FAN PODCAST, Adrian and Ashley continue their dive into the Fast and Furious movie franchise by looking at the (definitely superior don’t come at us) second entry: 2 Fast 2 Furious. They discuss the film’s characters and surprisingly deep themes despite a lack of plot and chat about the legitimately enjoyable soundtrack. They also spend some time wrapping up the 2018-2019 NHL season and the Stanley Cup Champion St. Louis Blues. (!!!)

On this episode of Talking Like a Teen, Adrian and Ashley bust out their best Ja Rule impressions for a deep dive into the first film of the high art The Fast and the Furious franchise. Adrian explains where love for this franchise first began while Ashley revisits her criminal past (purely hypothetical, you definitely can’t arrest me), and the pair begin workshopping ideas for a Guardians of the Galaxy/Fast and Furious crossover event.

On this episode of Talking Like A Teen, Adrian finally makes good on his promise to spend time with Tegan and Sara’s album Heartthrob...sort of. They get into a discussion about late-era Tegan and Sara albums, and take a thorough look into the the cover album The Con X: Covers. They also discuss music laws in relation to Queen, what makes a good cover song (not you Weezer), and Alanis Morissette and Toto hot takes. Adrian and Ashley also roll out their new recurring segment that they definitely planned and did not come up with on-air.

Adrian and Ashley do a deep dive into the 2001 Garbage album beautifulgarbage.

On the first episode of Talking Like a Teen, Adrian and Ashley attend a funeral for an NHL mascot who recently passed away due to cultural overexposure and attempt to understand the 2001 No Doubt album Rock Steady. They also discuss jingles the Neptunes should’ve written, hot takes on Radiohead albums, and how Prince is a beautiful human who demands that the world come to him before getting real about cultural appropriation in pop music.