Podcasts about Celebrate Recovery

Ever heard a statement before and thought to yourself, “Where is the good news in that?”Last week in Romans 7, Paul essentially said, “The things I want to do, I don't do. And the things I don't want to do…I do.” And he ends Romans 7 with these words: “What a wretched man I am!”But this Sunday, we're turning the page to Romans 8.Romans 8 brings us the good news of life in Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit. This week, I want to share seven life-changing truths from Romans 8 that are only possible through Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit at work in your life. To wrap up today's message,  Brooke courageously shares her testimony and how God worked through your journey with addiction. Brooke shared how she truly met Jesus through Celebrate Recovery, and through her relationship with Him, Jesus didn't just remove her addiction; He broke her chains and set her free. Join us as we talk about “How to Be Set Free” in Jesus—how we can overcome the sin and struggles of the Christian life through the power of the Holy Spirit.--WebsiteFacebookInstagramWorship PlaylistSunnybrook App (ios)Sunnybrook App (Google)Connect with us!How can we pray for you? Let us know.GivingCelebrate RecoveryIf you or someone you know could benefit from Celebrate Recovery, we'd love to invite you to join us. Celebrate Recovery meets at Sunnybrook every Thursday from 6:00–8:00 PM. You don't have to walk through it alone. 

Since May I've had three surgeries and complications I never told you about. The episodes you've been watching were recorded weeks, sometimes months, before you saw them. This week I'm telling you what was actually happening behind the screen, and where I found solid ground.Timestamps (estimated, confirm against final cut):0:00 Why I'm asking for your prayers today0:55 What you didn't know about the last three months1:50 Randy Gladden's episode and the wilderness season3:00 1 Samuel 30:6, David strengthens himself in the Lord3:20 My identity was never in what I could carry4:00 Genesis 3:15, the enemy will not win4:20 Don't build your identity on your hardest season4:55 Praying for me and Amber5:05 Celebrate Recovery and where to find help5:35 Sign offLinks:More Than a Picture: Restored & Free: https://www.amazon.com/More-Than-Picture-Restored-Free/dp/B0CCCMZHD3Exposed: A Memoir: https://www.amazon.com/Exposed-Secret-Divorce-Journey-Restoration/dp/B09PHJS848Are You Ready? A Practical Battle Plan for Christian Men: [still need you to confirm the right link, see below]Celebrate Recovery locator: https://crlocator.com/https://www.joinpodmatch.com/intentionalguyHashtags:#ChristianMen #MensMinistry #CelebrateRecovery #IntentionalGuy #IronSharpensIron #Prayer #FaithAndMentalHealth #TestimonyEp. 142

If your identity is still wrapped around the worst moment of your life, you're carrying something you were never meant to carry.J. Randall Gladden built a life most men would call a win. Then he watched nearly everything visible get stripped away, and had to find out who he was underneath it. This conversation is about what's left of a man's identity when the business, the reputation, and the evidence of success are all gone, and where Randy found solid ground instead.J. Randall Gladden is a strategic advisor, author, and thought leader who works with leaders navigating consequential decisions, emerging opportunities, and complex challenges. Beyond his advisory work is a deeply personal passion, helping people discover who God created them to be. That passion is expressed through God Powered and Young Warriors.CHAPTERS0:00 The Hook: Are You Still Defined By Your Worst Moment1:55 Expectation: What You Tell Yourself Becomes What You Believe4:50 Losing Everything: Working Two Jobs Just to Survive6:31 Gideon in the Wine Press: Called Before You Feel Ready9:01 The Lowest Point: I Didn't See How We'd Survive10:06 Why God Leads You Into the Wilderness17:26 The Darkest Moment Is When He Gets Glorified22:04 Elijah and Elisha: Don't Quit Before the Promise23:38 63 Years Old and More Excited Than Ever30:43 Delegated Presence: What It Means to Carry God's Image44:17 Two Truths After the Pain53:49 Free Resources and the Final Charge: Strengthen Yourself in the LordRandy's book, Delegated Presence, and more of his teaching: https://www.god-powered.com/Videos--EbooksHis YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@jrandallgladdenComment INHERITANCE below and let us know what stood out to you.Grab a copy of my book, Are You Ready? A Practical Battle Plan for Christian Men: https://a.co/d/07RxCWAcThis episode touches a real season of loss and crisis. If it hits you, find a Celebrate Recovery group near you at crlocator.com. In Pensacola, we meet Tuesdays 6 to 8 PM at Momentum Church.Search The Intentional Guy Podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Deezer, Amazon Music, and iHeartRadio.#TheIntentionalGuy #MensMinistry #CelebrateRecovery #ChristianMen #FaithBasedPodcastAnd until next time, just keep being intentional.Ep. 141

Matthew Jenkins had a full ride Army scholarship and his whole future mapped out until a rare cancer diagnosis in college took it away. He carried anger at God over that loss for years without fully knowing it. In March of 2025, that anger collided with chronic pain, job loss, and a marriage he could not save, and he reached the lowest point of his life in his driveway. What he told his mother that day became the title of his book, Beat Up By God: From Pain to Redemption. This one goes to some dark places. A future that never got to happen. Twenty three years of unprocessed anger at God. A divorce he never wanted. And a church culture that too often says just trust God, when what a man actually needs might be counseling, medication, or both. We also talk about how he got from feeling abandoned by God to trusting Him again, an unexpected kind of healing that came out of the hardest season of his life, and what he wants a man standing in that same driveway to hear. If this hits close to home, you do not have to sit with it alone. Celebrate Recovery has groups all over the country, find one at crlocator.com. In crisis right now, call or text 988. CHAPTERS 0:00 The cold open, in his own words 1:15 Welcome, fair warning, and who Matthew Jenkins is 3:09 His story: the book's raw title, and twenty years of anger at God 9:50 Grieving a future that never got to happen 11:50 Twenty three years later, and a divorce he never wanted 13:37 When "just trust God" is not enough 19:20 Depression, anxiety, and why medication is not a lack of faith 24:39 An unexpected kind of healing 28:13 What he wants a struggling man to hear 29:42 Where to find Matthew and the book Drop DRIVEWAY in the comments to let us know you were here today. If you are standing right where Matthew was, wondering if there is anything left, my book More Than a Picture: Restored & Free was written for exactly that. It is about what restoration actually looks like once the falling apart is over. Matthew Jenkins Book: Beat Up By God: From Pain to Redemption, search it on Amazon or find the link on his site Website: https://www.beatupbygod.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/matthewdjenkins Celebrate Recovery: crlocator.com Crisis line: call or text 988 Search The Intentional Guy Podcast to find us wherever you listen. And until next time, just keep being intentional. Bonus

I used to think I was a good husband. I showed up, I paid the bills, I never cheated, I never yelled. By every measure I'd been handed, I was fine. My wife would tell you different. She would tell you she was lonely in a house with me in it.Two years ago a job loss knocked something loose in me, and going quiet turned into hours in the garage, a pipe in my hand and the TV loud enough that I didn't have to hear my own thoughts. I wasn't gone. I was just not there. This week I talk about what it actually took to walk back through that door, the friends who wouldn't let me sit in that garage in peace, and the childhood wound underneath all of it that I thought I had already dealt with.Adam heard God ask him one question in the garden. Not what did you do. Just where are you. He's still asking that question. Not to condemn you. To find you.Scripture: Ephesians 5:25 and 1 Peter 3:7.This is a companion piece to my conversation with Mark Osborne of The Valiant Forge, Ep. 139, which airs the day before this one.Drop the word GARAGE in the comments so I know you were here today.If this one hit close to home, your own hiding or somebody else's, you do not have to sit with that alone. Celebrate Recovery has groups all over the country. Find one near you at crlocator.com. If you are in crisis right now, call or text 988.If you want a practical next step for actually walking this out, "Are You Ready? A Practical Battle Plan for Christian Men" is built for exactly that.Let's get coffee. Let me be your brother. Let me walk beside you. And until next time, keep being intentional.#ChristianMen #Marriage #Faith #EmotionalHealth #RecoverySubscribe: http://youtube.com/@intentionalguyNewsletter: http://intentionalguy.riverside.com/newsletterWant to be a guest: http://cal.com/michael-chestnut-hfbot2/podcastEp. 140: I Was the Emotionally Unavailable Husband

Fixed and saved. Here's the redo, episode number and title as the last line like we settled on with Brett's:Mark Osborne hosts The Valiant Forge, a podcast for Christian men, and long before he built that platform he watched his own father go from alcoholism to a faith that broke the pattern in their family.We talk about what that turnaround taught him, and about a season years later that looked like total success from the outside while he was quietly drifting from God underneath it, and how close it came to costing him his marriage. Mark's take is that you almost never make it through a real battle without scars, and that those scars are proof you're still standing, not proof you failed.Drop the word SCARS in the comments so I know you were here today.If anything here stirred something in you, your own dad, your own kids watching you right now, you do not have to carry that by yourself. Celebrate Recovery has groups all over the country. Find one near you at crlocator.com. If you are in crisis right now, call or text 988.If you want a practical next step for living this out day to day, "Are You Ready? A Practical Battle Plan for Christian Men" is built for exactly that.And until next time, keep being intentional.#ChristianMen #Faith #Fatherhood #Masculinity #RecoveryMark Osborne, The Valiant Forge: https://www.thevaliantforge.com/The Valiant Forge on YouTube: https://youtube.com/@thevaliantforgeSubscribe: http://youtube.com/@intentionalguyNewsletter: http://intentionalguy.riverside.com/newsletterWant to be a guest: http://cal.com/michael-chestnut-hfbot2/podcastEp. 139: Scars Prove You're Still Standing

THE DANGERS OF BREAKING FELLOWSHIP. Have you ever gotten angry and walked out of your support group, church, or circle of friends? In this episode, we explore the importance of fellowship in recovery and faith, the dangers of isolation, and how to maintain healthy connections with others. We also examine the impact of church and recovery group dynamics on spiritual growth and healing. What happens when you break fellowship due to resentment or pain. Monty discloses some disturbing information about a so-called recovery ministry that is extremely uninformed about Alcoholics Anonymous. The Not So Most Excellent Way. Closing Song: Little Country Church by Love Song. #recovery #alcoholic #twelvesteps #wedorecover #addiction 

Twenty years ago I went quiet with God. Not angry, just quiet. I kept showing up to church, kept saying amen, kept letting everyone believe I was fine. I wasn't.Today I talk about the kind of doubt that never gets said out loud. The kind with good manners that just sits in a man for years while he keeps doing everything right on the outside. It ties straight back into yesterday's conversation with Paul Granger, who told me something that cracked this whole thing open for me. Watch it here: https://youtu.be/LJARB2WG94QI land on one verse I cannot put down, Mark 9:24, and three things you can actually do this week if you are running on fumes and letting people believe you are fine too.If it hits you, Celebrate Recovery meets Tuesdays 6 to 8 PM at Momentum Church in Pensacola. Elsewhere, find a group at celebraterecovery.com.This one is close to the heart of "Are You Ready? A Practical Battle Plan for Christian Men," available on Amazon: https://a.co/d/05nlVfxMDrop "still" in the comments so I know you were here.Search The Intentional Guy Podcast to find us wherever you listen.0:00 Twenty years I couldn't pray1:19 Doubt with good manners2:26 What Paul Granger said to me4:01 Mark 9 and the father's prayer5:18 The cost of coming back honest6:30 Three things to do this week8:19 The challenge, and how to find usEpisode 138

An idol is not just a statue. It is anything that has power over your life, anything calling the shots. Paul Granger heard that from his spiritual father the morning we recorded this, and he bristled at it. Then he sat with it.Joseph forgotten in that prison. The disciples demanding the storm stop while Jesus slept. The difference between a good Christian and a good Christ follower. And the toe nudge forward, because the step does not have to be big.Scripture: Matthew 8:26, Mark 9:24, Matthew 7:13 and 14, Proverbs 3:5 and 6.CHAPTERS00:00 Just Take the Toe Nudge Forward01:48 Five Listeners, a Book, and What Paul Said to Me06:51 What Everybody Else's God Story Does to You10:00 Eight Years, No Paycheck, and a Prison Like Joseph's14:50 God, I Don't Actually Have Confidence in You20:00 I Don't Have to Protect God From My Story22:12 God, That Was a Softball Moment25:33 He Napped Through the Storm. They Demanded It Stop.31:09 A Good Christian or a Good Christ Follower39:00 The Narrow Gate and the Idol He Wouldn't Call an Idol45:17 Trying to Be Perfect So God Is Proud of Me53:19 Something in the Froth, and Where to Find PaulWHERE TO FIND PAULEverything in one place: https://www.wheredidyouseegod.comPodcast: https://www.wheredidyouseegod.com/podcastApple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/where-did-you-see-god/id1438136557His books: https://amazon.com/author/paulgrangerHis newest is Something in the Froth, his first with Morgan James. He also mentioned Rejecting Hope No Longer.THE INTENTIONAL GUY PODCASTYouTube: https://youtube.com/@intentionalguyNewsletter: https://intentionalguy.riverside.com/newsletterBe a guest: https://cal.com/michael-chestnut-hfbot2/podcastMY BOOKSAre You Ready? A Practical Battle Plan for Christian Men: https://a.co/d/02cBh6uYExposed: https://www.amazon.com/Exposed-Secret-Divorce-Journey-Restoration/dp/B09PHJS848More Than A Picture: https://www.amazon.com/More-Than-Picture-Restored-Free/dp/B0CCCMZHD3All of them: https://www.amazon.com/Michael-Chestnut/e/B09P9ND6MVIF THIS ONE HIT SOMETHINGFind a Celebrate Recovery group near you: https://crlocator.comIn crisis, call or text 988, any hour.If you are ready to stop white knuckling it, "Are You Ready?" is the plan. Link above.Drop the word STEP in the comments so I know you were here.Search The Intentional Guy Podcast to find us wherever you listen.Ep. 137

IS A.A. A CULT and WILL WE ALWAYS BE RECOVERING? In this episode, we answer the question, "Is A.A. a Cult?" We explore the debate around whether individuals in recovery can truly recover or if they are always in a state of recovery. We discuss spiritual, medical, and practical perspectives, emphasizing the importance of faith, personal responsibility, and ongoing growth. Closing Song: One Second Chance by Jeff Bates.Key Topics The difference between being in recovery and being recovered The role of spiritual awakening in recovery Definitions of cults and their relation to AA The importance of ongoing spiritual growth The impact of self-will and dependence on God The significance of the Big Book and biblical principles The concept of recovery as a process of transformation The dangers of identity with past behaviors The role of community and accountability in recovery The distinction between addiction and sin #recovery #alcoholic #twelvesteps #wedorecover #addiction 

Celebrate Recovery Director Lynette Parkhurst shares her testimony along with a panel discussion to wrap up our series, "The Power of Powerlessness". Live From Chelan, WA. 8-30-26Learn more about Real Life Church and how to attend live here: https://reallifencw.com/

What is the overall goal of vulnerability and is it the end goal? In this part two episode, Rodney Holmstrom, Global Field Director of Celebrate Recovery, will finish up this topic on understanding vulnerability and staying in a healthy space as we share through a corporate, one on one testimony and/or small group setting.What are some practical examples of healthy vulnerability in recovery?

Lust Dr. Eric J. Gilchrest | August 30, 2026 Check out the weekly sermon here or on our SRBC podcast on Apple Podcast and Spotify. While you're at it, check us out on Facebook and Instagram too. Like what you hear? We'd love to know.At South Run, we read every message personally. Whether you have a question, want to share how God is moving in your life, or are thinking about visiting in person, this is the place to start. If you click the link below, Pastor Eric will personally reach out to you. Listening online? Let us know. Sermon Transcript Pastor Eric J GlchrestIt's good to be with you this morning. I come bringing an exciting sermon to you.I'm glad you're here today. If you are new to South Run Baptist Church, I first want to say welcome. We are so pleased that you have chosen to join us this morning. I believe you're here for a reason. I do believe that God has brought you to this place at this time because he has something for you. I believe this of all of us gathered together here. But you should know you've come on a unique Sunday because we've been working through, well, actually, I was thinking about this. We're kind of like a set of Russian nesting dolls this year. So the broad theme is transformation. We've been kind of working on that all year long. And then we've been on this two ways journey where there's these two ways that Jesus offers us abundant life, but he says it's the narrow way, right? And so it requires some adeptness at traversing that narrow way. And then he talks about the broad way, which leads to destruction. And on the broad way, it appears that this is in many ways the easy way. This is the path of least resistance. And so we've been, the nesting doll has been on that path of least resistance. And to do that, we've been talking about the seven deadly sins, right? And so here we are, we're at the 7th of seven. And so if you've come for the first time this morning, you've come on a Sunday in which we are talking about lust. Before we get there, this is a test for those of you who have been with us the whole journey to see if you can name the other six. And if you can't, well, then we're going to start it all over again and we'll do it together. So say them with me and I'll parrot them back to you. What would one of them be? Enri. Gluttony, wrath and sloth, greed, I think we said anger, and vanity, somebody said. I think we got them. Those are the six, leaving us today's message on lust. Part of what we've been trying to do with all of them is also tie together how our technologies the phones in our pockets, the computers that we all sit behind every day, they shape us and they form us and they misshape us and they malform us into beings we were never intended to be. And so my hope through this whole time together actually has been to demonstrate to you that the object in your pocket is not value neutral, that it is having an effect on you in one way or another. And I can really think of no better example than this morning's topic. And so we will talk about some sensitive issues. I've tried to do so in a fashion that is sensitive to all of the various ears this morning, but do know that this is what we're talking about. Let's begin with prayer. God our Father in heaven, you look down at your children and you want what is good for us. You want what is best. You want us to live lives filled with life and abundance and all that is good. And God, yet sometimes we choose the lesser way and we find ourselves going down paths we were never intended to go down, being shaped into people we were never intended to be. And this morning, Lord, speak to us. Speak to our hearts. Speak to our marriages and our families, that we might live lives according to your word, but according to the grain of the universe that you have created, the good universe, the one we intend to live in, the kingdom of God. I pray this in Christ's holy name, amen. You should have gotten a handout when you came in, at least the adults in the room. Yeah, I'll take it, just to wave it around. At some point in the sermon, we will get to this. And this may end up being the most practical sermon I could possibly give to you where there's an actual handout that you can take home with you to give you some resources for how to walk this way well. The Bible has a lot to say about sex. If you've ever read the Bible in full cover to cover, you might be surprised about what you find there. And now that I think about it, I should probably use this as a pitch when I try to get you to read the Bible more often because sex sells and it's filled with it. even has a whole book devoted to it. Did you know this? It's called the Song of Solomon. who himself had 1000 wives and concubines and apparently knew something about the matter. If you think it's a prudish book or that its authors would clutch their pearls at the smallest innuendo, well, you've simply not read close enough. But if you're new to the Bible reading thing and you thought this way, you would be forgiven. Because often this is how we Christians approach the topic, sheepishly in whispers And I confess it's how I often approach this topic, especially from the pulpit. I get nervous and frankly a little weird about it, which is why I'm writing this sermon out rather than trying to go off script. It'll keep me from blushing, hopefully. If the Bible is okay with this topic, then we probably should be too. So I'm going to speak frankly about the matter while recognizing that our congregation has members of all ages listening right now. Parents, you shouldn't feel on edge for what is about to happen, but know that it might spark some interesting conversations around the lunch table that I think you're ready for. And in fact, I encourage these conversations. It's a hope that I have for all of us to be a little more open and in dialogue with one another about this matter. But that said, if at any point you feel the need to take a bathroom break with your child, please go right ahead. I won't be offended. In the beginning, God created the Garden of Eden. And he said to that first couple, be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. And I know of only one way to be fruitful and to multiply. There's also the matter of Genesis 2, 24, in which God tells the first couple while they're still enjoying the safety of the garden, that when the two are joined together, they become one flesh. Two bodies united into one body. Sounds like a description of the topic we're talking about today. which means to me that God creates it as part of the good creation. It is something that is beautiful, is certainly enjoyable, and I would even say it is spiritual. Two becoming one is a mystery. But don't take my word. It's what Paul says in Ephesians 5 when he compares marriage to our union with Christ. And he also raises the two becoming one mystery as a warning to the Corinthian people in 1 Corinthians 6, who are uniting themselves with temple prostitutes. And Jesus raises the two becoming one mystery as a way to affirm marriage and to limit divorce. Which is all to say, that Genesis and Jesus and Paul, they talk about two becoming one flesh as something to happen within the marriage covenant. The covenant binds two people together by law and by custom, and it requires that the two people remain together in sickness and in health and richer and poorer till death do us part. And why? because it is only this kind of union that makes it safe to practice the deep magic we call sex. There are two ways to preach a sermon about sin, one that I would call an Old Testament sermon and the other a New Testament sermon. The difference is subtle but important. The Old Testament sermon relies on the law. It tells you where the boundaries are. are external to you. For example, an Old Testament sermon tells you the rules to keep and then you simply keep them. Don't murder, don't steal, don't lie, don't break the Sabbath and so on. An Old Testament sermon on adultery would stick to the basics. Don't have sex outside of marriage and you're good to go. But A New Testament sermon, the kind that Jesus would give, drives us deeper to the heart of the matter. which is always a matter of the heart. Jesus is helping us fulfill the Old Testament promise that Jeremiah 31, 33 expresses when he says, I will put my law within them and I will write the law on their hearts and I will be their God and they will be my people. Jesus is trying to write the law on our hearts and to do that, You must look below the surface, which is what Jesus is doing in his most famous sermon, the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew chapter 5. Please turn there now and we'll read verses 27 to 30. You have heard it said, you shall not commit adultery, but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. And if your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away, for it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away, for it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. Now some people want to read their Bible with a precise literalism that demands that every last passage be understood with no nuance. But let's all hope that Jesus is here using hyperbole. Pulling out your eye or cutting off your hand is a bold move. But I'll say in all of my years of church life, and I've had many, I've met a lot of people with a lust problem. but I've never met a single person wearing an eye patch. Here's what Jesus is saying in brief if you ask me. The root of the external act of adultery happens in your heart well before it happens when you walk into a bedroom. If you are to be a kingdom follower, living life abundant, then you will need to get radical in your attempts to root out the heart condition because the alternative is a road that leads to Gehenna, a place that elsewhere is said to be filled with weeping and gnashing of teeth. If you've ever known someone whose partner has cheated on them or who has been sexually assaulted or abused, or someone who has lost a spouse or a job or ministry because of this sin, then you know that the weeping And the anxious grinding of the teeth isn't just waiting on the other side. It starts in the here and the now. How many lives have been broken by this sin? How many marriages and families have been shattered by it? So let's talk about what's in the heart. When I was a kid, Before the internet existed in my house and well before the iPhone had the internet in everyone's pocket, I remember my mom telling me that I shouldn't look at dirty magazines. When my neighbor, Sam Weissman, came outside with his dad's Playboys, I ran inside because I did not want to disappoint my mom. And then later, about a year later, we were digging in a forested area at my friend's house. His name was Brian. And we dug up a stash of more magazines. And once again, I ran away back home because I did not want to disappoint my mom because I wanted to be a good boy. This was a different age and a time when temptation didn't follow you everywhere you went. The magazines stood waiting in a forest for years. But the screens that you take everywhere are constantly offering temptation. The internet made *********** readily available, cheap and easy to find. The smartphone, it made it available everywhere you went. The algorithm and social media learned who you are and began to feed you whatever it takes for you to spend more and more time on your device. If you're a boy or a young man, the girls too, the algorithm knows, and it knows that lust is a powerful drug, and so it is ready to feed you images again and again before you finally say yes. The magazines no longer stay put. They follow you home and everywhere else you go. Let's start with some statistics. Common Sense Media surveyed teens between 13 and 17 years old in 2023 and here's what they found. 73% have watched *********** online, 54% saw it by age 13, 15% by age 10 or younger. The average age of first exposure is 12 and 58% first encountered it accidentally. That's just the kids, the adults in the room. Barna and Pure Desire did a survey in 2024. Here's what they found. 54% of practicing Christians reported viewing **** compared to 68% of non-Christians. Among pastors, 67% report a personal history and then nearly one in five of those currently struggle. of practicing Christians view it weekly. 75% of Christian men and 40% of Christian women report viewing occasionally. And 62% of Christians agree a person can regularly view *********** and live a sexually healthy life only four points below the general public. Jesus says that lust is part of the broad Rd. that leads to Gehenna. But 62% of Christians seem to disagree. The statistics bear out something very important here. Lust and *********** is something that doesn't just go away when you get older. We must all learn to fight this battle, no matter the age. Running from the magazines weren't the end of my personal history. So for me, I know I need to stay vigilant about this. In my house, we talk about these things openly. We have rules and protocols that I want to share with you around our technology. If you were here for a Sunday morning Bible study, we've talked through some of these and you should have received a sheet of paper, adults, as you walked in that hopefully will guide you through some of what I'm going to say that we went a little deeper this morning in Sunday school. I think of lust a little bit like I think about the weeds in my yard. As long as there's a plan and a strategy that is actively keeping the weeds at bay, the yard is going to look great. But as soon as that stops, the yard goes untended. And then once you start looking for it, you start to see more and more weeds popping up here and there until eventually you look out and you realize there's weeds everywhere. And you wonder how'd that happen? If you're a child, it might happen like this. You're simply playing a video game and up pops an ad with a voluptuous woman in something that can't really be called clothing, encouraging you to visit her website. Or maybe you're simply on a website like me, Bible Gateway, preparing a sermon on lust when up pops an underwear ad. Yes, this did happen. Or you're on X or Instagram and they begin to put pictures and products on your screen that you're not really seeking out. But the more it shows up, the more you're interested and the more you click and then the rabbit hole goes deeper and deeper and deeper. And so what does one do in this situation? You should think of yourself and your marriage and your family in the middle of a castle, and your job is to protect it at all cost. You will want to put up high walls, thick walls, a big moat around all of it. And so I want to offer you some very practical advice in two parts. Part one is how to build the walls, and part 2 is what to do if your castle has been sieged. So the protection piece. The first thing I'd want to say here is that you cannot wait on the technology industry to keep you safe or to keep your kids safe. They will not build this wall for you. In fact, they are selling a drug and they are hoping that you get hooked and that your kids get hooked. You may have heard it before. There are only two industries that call their customers users, illegal drugs and big tech. Therefore, you must get radical and take matters into your own hands. Number 2, start with locking down your devices. There are computers and there are phones and there are iPads and whatever else you have in your house. Each will be a little different, but parents especially, both for yourself and for your kids, learn how to limit their screen time. Learn how to manage their content. Learn how to use what the tech companies actually do give you at their disposal to limit what is coming through those big walls that you're trying to create. Number 3, your computers are a little harder to lock down. And so in my house, we pay for something called covenant eyes. We pay $200 a year for this. It might sound like a lot of money. I think it sounds like a very little amount of money for the peace of mind that it gives me, knowing that I'm offering protection, another wall for my kids and my family to feel safe within. Whatever you choose, I would encourage you to once again get radical. Don't just find yourself floating down the broad Rd. just because everyone else seems to. Instead, you have to take matters into your own hands. Number 4, there is the matter of your internet or your routers. And you can try to create as high a wall and a moat as you can. And one tool in the toolbox is using your internet provider to block certain sites or to even automatically turn off at certain times of day. Let's say 1 A.m. There's no good reason for somebody to be on the internet at that point. Number 5, know that with all your best efforts, there will always be workarounds that you haven't thought of, which gets to the most important thing that I can give you. Have a good relationship. with loved ones, with your kids, especially spouses with each other. Have open, honest dialogue. Reduce the shame. It is the shame that drives you into the closet and into the darkness. And the only way out is to get rid of some of that shame and to be willing to talk about it. And so make this a regular conversation in your house. The more you do it, the less awkward it gets. Men talk to your sons. Women talk to your daughters. Have these conversations with your kids. And please, spouses have them with each other. The easiest rule, no devices in the bedrooms. If you're wondering, what's the one quick win that could come out of here as to how I manage my own household and what the kids can do and can't, This is probably the easiest thing that you could make happen right now. But what happens if the army has already sieged the castle and you're in the middle of a fight that you're losing and you are struggling and you can't seem to find your way out? Well, that's the backside of the sheet that I've given you. I've got 4 steps for you. Step one, step out of the darkness and into the light. It will have control over you until you tell someone who is safe and importantly, someone who will force you to do something about it. Men, I want to offer you this morning that I am safe and I will help you do something about it. I have heard stories from young boys to very old men and nothing will shock me, I assure you. Step 2, depending on your situation, and the level of your problem, you should probably find a group to meet with. There are lots of groups dedicated to helping people break their addictions, some in person and some online. Two groups I'm aware of and I know meet locally are called Pure Desire and Celebrate Recovery. I would start there if you're just simply looking. Number 3, develop a strategy and know where the weak points are in your defense. Share these with an accountability partner. For example, maybe you're on a work trip. We'll have your spouse keep you honest when you come home. Late nights or certain times of day. We'll just know when that is and don't be alone during that time. Maybe it's a certain device. Go ahead and ditch that. Is alcohol involved? It might be time to address that problem too. And know that stress will always cause you to do things you might not do when you're not in stress. So manage that. Fourth and finally, replace the bad habit with good habits. More exercise, a new hobby, intentional time with your family. We had this conversation, as I said, this morning with the Sunday morning Bible study. And it was brought in that we should certainly infuse all of these steps with a healthy spiritual life that loves God with all our hearts and souls and minds and strength and our neighbors as ourselves and our spouses as ourselves. But sometimes we maybe keep praying to God and we say, oh, help me with this and help me with this and it never seems to go anywhere. That's what this roadmap is for. It has helped you if you've been there again and again and again and again. One final word I would want to give is to the spouses in the room, because the part I haven't yet addressed is that lust and adultery is not a victimless crime. There is often a spouse or a family that feel the effects of this betrayal. If that is you, know that God sees you too. And you too need help and you need encouragement. And the steps for what you should do are not the same as the above. They are similar. It involves talking to someone. Maybe it's finding a group. Some of the groups offer spouses groups as well. And so if the person who has hurt you needs to build their defenses, I would encourage you to build some of your own as well. Build walls and boundaries that they should not break in order to keep yourself from being hurt again and again. And develop lines that cannot be crossed and communicate those clearly and what would happen if they do get crossed. And finally, do things that will fill your soul as well. In the beginning, God created all things good. And this includes sex. But it is a powerful force. And a desire for it sits deep within us. And we live in a dangerous world where the temptations are everywhere. So let me encourage you to protect it. Keep it safe. Build the walls of a covenant marriage around it. Put them up high. Build a moat around it so that you keep temptation at bay. Talk to your spouses. Talk to your kids. Have these conversations regularly. Help is available. Victory is available. In the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, let us pray. Father in heaven, Jesus, King Jesus, who sits on the throne, who has power over all the universe, Holy Spirit who has been sent to us to live in us, to dwell in us, to cleanse us from the inside out, empower us this morning, convict us of where we need changes, Give us the path forward. Show us how we can be transformed by the renewing of our minds and to take on the mind of Christ and to live as you would have us live, O Lord. May we walk that narrow way, the hard way, but a way that leads to life abundant because Lord, we know that other way leads to the weeping and the gnashing of teeth. God, this morning, no doubt if the statistics bear out, some people hearing my voice right now, whether in person, online, or on a podcast into the future, they are wrestling. They are wrestling with something that has sat hidden for way too long. It is time to take the thing that existed in the darkness Bring it out into the light. Because God, you have a better way. You have a way that is filled with joy and freedom. So Lord, this warning, convict of sin, but also convince us that you are powerful enough to heal. We pray this in Christ's holy name. Amen.‍

Being punished was easy for me. Accepting grace was almost impossible. I spent years believing grace was the opposite of being a man. Then Brett Knight said something on this show that changed how I see it.In this episode: why men either reject grace as weak or hide behind it as an excuse, what years of self punishment cost me before I got healed, and what changed it.My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Second Corinthians 12:9.Drop the word STRONG in the comments if you're going to say the real thing to one man this week. I read every one.If this hit close, "Are You Ready? A Practical Battle Plan for Christian Men" is on Amazon.Companion episode: Brett Knight, criminal defense attorney and pastor, on why punishment and grace were never the same thing. [add Ep. 135 link once it airs]If this is you right now, don't sit in it alone. Find a Celebrate Recovery group near you. In crisis, call or text 988.New episodes every week. Guest interviews Wednesday, solo Thursday. Search The Intentional Guy Podcast.Subscribe: http://youtube.com/@intentionalguyNewsletter: http://intentionalguy.riverside.com/newsletterWant to be a guest: http://cal.com/michael-chestnut-hfbot2/podcastLet's get coffee. Let me be your brother. Let me walk beside you. Until next time, keep being intentional.#ChristianMen #Grace #Masculinity #PornRecovery #CelebrateRecovery #ChristianPodcast #FaithAndFamily #IntentionalLiving #MensMentalHealth #Accountability

Brett Knight spends his career standing in two rooms most of us never do, a courtroom and a church. He was a prosecutor before he became a defense attorney, and what he saw from both sides changed how he defines justice and grace.We talk about why punishment can change behavior but cannot heal the pain underneath it, why grace and accountability are not opposites, and why shame may be doing more damage in the recovery community than the addiction itself. Brett has walked hundreds of men and women out of active addiction and into recovery, and this conversation is a look at how he actually does it.Brett writes about all of this in his book, "From the Gavel to Grace: Setting People Free From Addiction and Into Healing." You can find the book and more of his writing at his website below.Drop the word GRACE in the comments so I know you were here today.If anything in this hit close to home for you or somebody you love, Celebrate Recovery has groups all over the country. Find one near you at crlocator.com. If you are in crisis right now, call or text 988.And until next time, keep being intentional.#ChristianMen #Grace #Recovery #Addiction #CelebrateRecoveryBrett Knight's website: brettknight.comBook, "From the Gavel to Grace: Setting People Free From Addiction and Into Healing":Paperback: https://us.amazon.com/Gavel-Grace-Setting-Addiction-Healing/dp/1971949191Kindle: https://us.amazon.com/Gavel-Grace-Setting-Addiction-Healing-ebook/dp/B0GYB6JQ47Audiobook: https://us.amazon.com/Gavel-Grace-Setting-Addiction-Healing/dp/B0H3QRDHBQSubscribe: http://youtube.com/@intentionalguyNewsletter: http://intentionalguy.riverside.com/newsletterWant to be a guest: http://cal.com/michael-chestnut-hfbot2/podcastEp. 135: Grace Is Not Weak

BACKSLIDING IN RECOVERY. In this episode of the Came to Believe Recovery Podcast, Tom and Monty explore the nuances of backsliding in recovery, discussing how it begins before relapse, the importance of accountability, and the dangers of white light syndrome. They emphasize the need for ongoing spiritual and practical maintenance to stay on the right path. Closing Song: Backsliders by Pop-Daddy Dale. Key Topics ·         How backsliding begins before relapse·         The importance of accountability in recovery·         The danger of white light syndrome·         Distinguishing between slip, stall, and relapse·         The role of spiritual practices in maintaining sobriety·         The impact of unmet convictions and practices·         The significance of quick recovery from slips·         The difference between independence and spiritual maturity

We've all experienced struggles around oversharing if we've been in ministry any length of time. What do we do with the scenarios? Where does over sharing take place and become unhealthy? Honesty with intention vs information for attention. In this episode, Rodney Holmstrom, Global Field Director of Celebrate Recovery, unpacks a part one of a two-part series on understanding, vulnerability, and where we can get stuck with some practical examples. What does healthy vulnerability and unhealthy vulnerability look like?

I built my entire picture of my Heavenly Father out of my earthly one. If dad was disappointed, God must be disappointed. If dad was embarrassed of me, God must be embarrassed too. I carried that for years before I ever saw it for what it was.My dad's version of the talk lasted about thirty seconds. The birds go tweet tweet. The bees go buzz buzz. That was the whole conversation. What he never said is what shaped the next twenty years of my life.I grew up a preacher's kid, carrying my own shame plus the pressure of never embarrassing the family name. My dad teased me about my grades in front of church members. When I asked him why, he told me it was because he was embarrassed. He was not a villain. He was passing down exactly what got trained into him. Criticism builds character, that is what his parents believed, and that is what he handed me. I do not think he ever knew what he was passing down.In this episode I talk about the cost of a father's silence, how that silence left me wide open to what the world was more than happy to teach me instead, and the three things that helped me start breaking the cycle with my own kids.Proverbs 22:6 gets quoted as a promise. It is also a warning. Whatever gets trained into us tends to stick.In this episode:How a father's voice becomes the voice you hear from GodWhy uncomfortable is not a good enough reason to stay silentWhat your son is actually asking when he comes to youName it, choose presence over perfection, have one real conversationThe question to ask yourself this week, not somedayDrop the word PRESENT in the comments if you are choosing to show up for your kid before you have it all figured out. I read them.If this hit something in you, "Are You Ready? A Practical Battle Plan for Christian Men" is the next step. It is the plan I wish somebody had handed me at thirteen, and again at thirty. Available on Amazon.Companion episode: I had Chris Rogers on the show this week talking about teenage boys and pornography recovery. He is the one who said you do not have to be healed to help. Watch that one next.[Chris Rogers episode link]If you are carrying shame from your own father's silence, do not carry it alone. Find a Celebrate Recovery group near you and take one step this week. If you are in crisis, please reach out to a pastor, a counselor, or the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Call or text 988 in the US.New episodes every week. Guest interviews Wednesday, solo episodes Thursday. Search The Intentional Guy Podcast wherever you listen.Subscribe: youtube.com/@intentionalguyNewsletter: intentionalguy.riverside.com/newsletterWant to be a guest: cal.com/michael-chestnut-hfbot2/podcastLet's get coffee. Let me be your brother. Let me walk beside you. Until next time, keep being intentional.#ChristianMen #FatherWound #Fatherhood #Masculinity #CelebrateRecovery #ChristianPodcast #PreachersKid #FaithAndFamily #IntentionalLiving #MensMentalHealthChapters00:00 The Impact of Parental Silence02:01 The Cycle of Imperfect Training06:37 Breaking the Cycle Through Open Communication

If your son was struggling with pornography, would he tell you? Would he even know he could?Most of us grew up in homes where nobody talked about this — so we learned to hide it. Now our kids carry more temptation in their pocket than we ever had access to. In this episode, Michael Chestnut sits down with Chris Rogers, former teacher and founder of Rebooted Teen, who coaches teens and high-performing men through compulsive sexual behavior — and who's walked his own road of recovery.You'll learn:The two questions every kid is really asking: "Am I safe?" and "Can I trust you?"Why leading with shame guarantees they stay stuck ("If you lead with shame, they stay the same")The 3 categories of red flags to watch for — technological, social, and behavioralHow to have the conversation even if you're still fighting this battle yourselfWhy it's not you vs. your child — it's you and your child vs. the problem

SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE ADDICTIONS (Part Two). In this episode, of the Came to Believe Recovery Podcast we explore the subtle ways socially accepted behaviors can become addictive and how to apply steps 10, 11, and 12 to live a more fulfilled and authentic life. We discuss topics like appearance, busyness, shopping, and the importance of spiritual growth. And what about Tom's trivia, Monty fails hard! Closing Song: The Addiction Shuffle by Sassy Bone Jones. Key Topics ·         Socially accepted addictions like appearance, busyness, shopping·         Application of steps 10, 11, and 12 in daily life·         The myth of the love of money and materialism·         The importance of margin and Sabbath in recovery·         Recognizing and correcting destructive behaviors #recovery #alcoholic #twelvesteps #wedorecover #addiction 

Meet Terry Gallegos: a man whose hardened heart was completely transformed by God's amazing grace.After enduring childhood abuse that left him numb by age seven, Terry navigated a decade-long military career that resulted in severe PTSD, toxic marriages, and failing health. During a fierce battle with kidney failure, Terry flatlined in his hospital bed and experienced a profound near-death encounter in heaven. There, Jesus asked him one life-altering question: "How can I forgive you if you can't forgive others?"Revived and forever changed, Terry traded a lifetime of anger for pure joy. Today, he dedicates his life to sharing the gospel with strangers and leading Celebrate Recovery groups for veterans and first responders.Tune in to the Kingdom Misfits Podcast to hear this incredible story of healing and ultimate redemption! Let us know how God's love has changed your life in the comments below. Connect with us:Facebook @KingdomMisfitsemail us at kingdommisfitsco@gmail.comMusic in the episode is brought to you by Epidemic Sound and UppBeat.io

AA CONVENTION & THE HUMOR OF CHRIS S. The Montyman shares one of the funniest and most powerful shares coming from a large Alcoholics Anonymous convention with featured speaker Chris S. Monty & Chris have known each other for over 17 years and brought you the series, Walking Through The Big Book, Walking Through The Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions and Walking Through The Language of The Heart and now this episode that is sure to keep you laughing.#recovery #alcoholic #twelvesteps #wedorecover #addiction 

One of the powerful things about principle seven of celebrate recovery is that we have an opportunity to sit with the Father and allow Him, the teacher to speak. What if we slowed down long enough to ask what He is saying to us and what He is teaching us about ourselves and others and how we move forward as believers in Jesus Christ? In this episode, Rodney Holmstrom, Global Field Director of celebrate recovery, walks us through an exercise that he and his wife practice together to allow God's word to marinate and saturate their hearts toward change.

SOCIALLY ACCEPTED ADDICTIONS (Part One). In this episode of the Came to Believe Recovery Podcast, we explore the concept of socially accepted addictions, including workaholism, social media, gaming, and caffeine. We discuss how these behaviors can become masteries and impact our spiritual and emotional well-being, offering insights on managing them through biblical principles and step work. Closing Song Black Market Brew by Monty D. Meyer performed by Sassy Bone Jones. Key Topics ·         Definition of social accepted addictions·         Comparison of behavioral addictions and substance addictions·         The role of dopamine and societal validation·         The concept of stall and stall management in recovery·         The importance of managing technology and social media use·         Biblical perspective on mastery and freedom in Christ·         Practical steps for managing addictive behaviors·         The impact of modern society on mental health and spiritual growth #recovery #alcoholic #twelvesteps #wedorecover #addiction  

HE OVERDOSED AND DIED TWICE. Jonah Oxley Team Lead & Outreach Coordinator for RestoredConnections.org shares his inspiring journey from addiction to recovery, highlighting the importance of peer support, community outreach, and Overdose Awareness Month. Discover how organizations like Restored Connections Peer Center are making a difference in Eugene, Oregon. Key Topics ·         Jonah Oxley's personal story of addiction and recovery·         The role of peer support in addiction recovery·         Overview of Restored Connections Peer Center in Eugene·         Details about the upcoming Overdose Awareness Walk·         The importance of community and organizational collaboration in recovery #recovery #alcoholic #twelvesteps #wedorecover #addiction 

Why do we worship and celebrate recovery? It's a question that's important for us to answer so that we understand that it's not just something we do apart from recovery but it's something that is very much setting the table and a part of the recovery process. In this episode, Rodney Holmstrom, Global Field Director of celebrate recovery, will unpack his personal experiences around a recent celebrate recovery worship meeting, and some takeaways that he learned about the value of worship in a celebrate recovery meeting. Most of all, why it's more important than we realize.

WHERE ARE YOU GROWING TODAY? In this episode of the Came to Believe Recovery Podcast, Tom and Monty explore the importance of intentional growth in recovery and life, (Living in Steps 10, 11, & 12) emphasizing that challenges often serve as opportunities for development. We discuss how to recognize growth, overcome fears, and deepen our relationship with God. Monty tries to stump Tom with some fun trivia and we debut our brand-new theme song for the podcast. Closing Song: Glass Half Full by Mike O'Bryan#recovery #alcoholic #twelvesteps #wedorecover #addiction 

Ron and Nick are joined by Chris Jackson, a Norfolk Police Officer and grateful believer in Jesus Christ who participates in Celebrate Recovery.

CHOOSE THIS DAY WHOM YOU WILL SERVE. The Montyman and Roger share with you our listeners the deep conviction we have regarding the direction Take 12 Recovery Radio is going. It's the same direction for the last 22 years but circumstances have warranted a crystal-clear explanation of where we stand as a recovery podcast and more importantly as a podcast that honors our creator. Music by Keith Green, Mike O'Bryan and Anthem Lights.#recovery #alcoholic #twelvesteps #wedorecover #addiction 

Sometimes boundaries can be misinterpreted as a means to reject, control, or even push people away as a sense or source of punishment. But what is the heart behind boundaries? What was God's design in scriptures that we can learn from the value and importance of boundaries. In this episode, Rodney Holmstrom, Global Field Director of celebrate recovery, discusses boundaries and the heart behind them and what our posture should be as we practice boundaries with the people around us in Ministry and our recovery.

In this episode Bobby Harrington hosts Dr. Marcus De Carvalho, a board-certified psychiatrist specializing in addiction, to discuss his new book Untangling Addiction. They explain how addiction rewires the brain—through dopamine, neuroplasticity, and genetics—and how substances and behaviors like opioids and pornography hijack survival pathways. Dr. Carvalho shares practical recovery approaches rooted in discipleship: mindfulness (acceptance and commitment), value-based spiritual disciplines, and the power of transparent, supportive relationships (Celebrate Recovery/12-step models). Resources mentioned include UntangleAddiction.com, HealthyMindMD.com, and Discipleship.org. Stay informed - Get our newsletter:  http://eepurl.com/hPViAr Get Discipleship.org's premium Podcast Feed: https://disciplemakerspodcast.supercast.com/  Check out the following eBooks from Discipleship.org: -- What Is Church? And How Important Is It?  https://discipleship.org/shop/what-is-church-and-how-important-is-it/ -- Family Discipleship Blueprint: A Year-by-Year Guide to Family Discipleship https://discipleship.org/shop/family-discipleship-blueprint-a-year-by-year-guide-to-family-discipleship/ -- Becoming a Disciple Maker https://discipleship.org/shop/becoming-a-disciple-maker/ -- National Study: The State of Disciple Making Churches: A 10 Minute Visual Guide https://discipleship.org/shop/national-study-the-state-of-disciple-making-churches-a-10-minute-visual-guide/ -- Reaching & Discipling Women: A Guide to Women's Ministry in Your Church https://discipleship.org/shop/reaching-discipling-women-a-guide-to-womens-ministry-in-your-church/ Check out the following Books from Discipleship.org: -- Recreated to Be like God: Making Disciples in the Image of Jesus https://a.co/d/6DDvUrC -- King Jesus and the Beauty of Obedience-Based Discipleship https://a.co/d/7d85z6T -- The Disciple Maker's Handbook: Seven Elements of a Discipleship Lifestyle https://a.co/d/4ZHIbQz Take the FREE Disciple Maker Assessment: https://church-multiplication.com/disciplemaker/ Come to the The National Disciple Making Forum: https://discipleship.org/national-disciple-making-forum/ Listen - Disciple Maker's Podcast:  https://discipleship.org/resources/podcast/

It's a beautiful prayer that we read every single week at Celebrate Recovery. This prayer, written by Reinhold Niebuhr, is more than just a rote group of words that we recite for convenience to close out our CR services and small groups. No, these are deeper words with a great meaning to help us in our day-to-day recovery interactions. In this episode, Rodney Holmstrom, Global Field Director of Celebrate Recovery, recites the prayer and gives some thoughts around the meaning for some central phrases in this important prayer.

What do you do when life just keeps getting harder?In this powerful and deeply personal message, Tracie Patten shares an unforgettable testimony of walking through betrayal, addiction, financial devastation, brain tumors, grief, and the loss of her husband, while discovering that God never abandoned her. If you've ever asked, "Lord, how much more can I take?", this message is for you.Through the wisdom of James 1:2-4, Tracie reminds us that while trials are inevitable, they are not meaningless. God uses seasons of suffering to build perseverance, deepen our faith, and bring healing where we never thought possible.Whether you're facing anxiety, heartbreak, loss, addiction, relationship struggles, financial hardship, or simply wondering where God is in the middle of your pain, this sermon offers biblical encouragement, practical next steps, and the reminder that you do not have to walk through hardship alone.In this message you'll discover:• What James teaches about trials and perseverance• How God brings healing through surrender and community• Why isolation keeps us stuck but healing happens together• The power of Celebrate Recovery and biblical accountability• How God restores broken relationships and broken hearts• Why your current struggle doesn't define your future• How to trust God when life doesn't make senseNo matter what you're carrying today, God is with you every moment of every day. Your story isn't over, and your pain can become part of His purpose.If this message encouraged you, be sure to LIKE, COMMENT, and SUBSCRIBE for more biblical teaching, sermons, and life-changing messages each week.If you've just made a decision for Christ, please respond HERE:https://www.one.church/jesusTo Support this Ministry:https://www.one.church/giveWebsite:https://www.one.church/One Church Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/onedotchurchOne Church Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/onedotchurchGreg Ford Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/gregoryafordOne Church is on a mission to ignite a movement that reaches a disconnected culture.#onechurch #purpose

So we've been talking about the things to be aware of in the language around choices that we make, and the identity pieces connected to our choices, but what are some practical ways and things that we can be doing to combat the challenges against our identity as we take ownership, responsibility and accept God's invitation to honesty and ownership to face our choices while sustaining and maintaining our true identity in Christ? In this part 2 episode, Rodney Holmstrom, Global Field Director of Celebrate Recovery, will walk us through practical steps to consider and how we change how we talk to ourselves in the midst of mistakes and challenges in life.

Some stories remind us that no one is too broken for God to restore.In this powerful conversation, Valerie Peterson sits down with Sarah Atchley to share a testimony of addiction, surrender, healing, and God's redeeming love.Sarah opens up about growing up with deep pain, a spiritual emptiness, and addiction in her family background. From a young age, she felt a void she could not explain. By 12, she began self-harming, and by 13, she took her first pain pill.For the next 16 years, addiction became the way she tried to numb the pain.Her drug of choice became heroin, and for many years she lived through homelessness, legal consequences, broken relationships, overdoses, and deep hopelessness. After six rehabs, Sarah believed she might be too far gone.But God was not finished with her story.While sitting in jail, Sarah began attending Celebrate Recovery. At first, it wasn't because her heart was fully ready—but God used even that small willingness. On Christmas Day, she genuinely surrendered her life to Jesus and asked Him to take over what she could no longer manage on her own.That surrender changed everything.Sarah eventually entered Path of Grace, a two-year program that became the place where God rebuilt her life, restored her identity, and taught her how to live in freedom one day at a time.She learned that healing is not always instant—it is a process.Through daily surrender, community, accountability, and time with God, Sarah began to see herself differently. What once felt like stubbornness and brokenness, God transformed into passion, strength, and purpose.Today, Sarah is using her story to help other women find the same hope and healing she found. She now serves with Path of Grace and is stepping into full-time ministry, helping broken women discover that they are loved, valued, and never too far gone.Her story is proof that God can restore the years addiction tried to steal.Sarah encourages listeners to:Stay surrendered daily.Get into God's Word.Find a church community.Walk in accountability.And never believe the lie that your past disqualifies you.Your pain can become your platform.Your story can bring hope.And God can use even the darkest places to reveal His greatest restoration.What is one area of your life that God may be asking you to surrender today?Contact Sarah Atchley:

TURNING GOOD THINGS INTO IDOLS. On this episode of the Came to Believe Recovery Podcast Tom & Monty discuss idol worship. It comes in many forms. Success and Career, Relationships and Family, Health and Appearance, Ministry and Service, and Comfort and Entertainment. What do you worship at the feet of? As people in the recovery community, we should be ever mindful of what we place above the things that really matter. #recovery #alcoholic #twelvesteps #wedorecover #addiction  

If you want to give through Grace Church you can do so here: https://pushpay.com/g/grace-alone?src=hpp&r=monthlyStories of Struggle: The Pathway Through is a 10-week series where we look at real people in Scripture who faced fear, rejection, waiting, and more—and how God led them through. Discover how He meets us in our struggles and leads us forward with faith, courage, and purpose.To Learn more about Grace Church go to https://gracechurchco.com/In this message titled Loving Through Betrayal, Pastor Rick Long explores the emotional and spiritual complexities of betrayal through the biblical story of the prophet Hosea (0:40). The sermon addresses how to navigate personal hurt and bitterness by focusing on God's grace and restoration.Key themes and takeaways:Understanding Betrayal: Pastor Long notes that while we have all been betrayed and have betrayed others, God is the only truly innocent party who has been consistently betrayed by humanity (1:53 - 12:51).The Lesson of Hosea: God commanded Hosea to marry an unfaithful woman, Gomer, to serve as a living metaphor for God's relationship with a wayward Israel. Despite her repeated unfaithfulness, Hosea was called to love and buy her back, mirroring the redemptive love of Jesus Christ (8:00 - 12:11).Five Steps to Healing:Face your pain: Bring your hurts to God rather than suppressing them (18:10).Seek God in the desert: Use painful seasons as an opportunity for God to speak tenderly to you and draw you back to Him (26:46).Release bitterness immediately: Bitterness is a choice that poisons the heart; it must be surrendered to prevent it from destroying you (29:54).Receive healing: Focus on restoration rather than just reconciliation, allowing God to restore your ability to trust, love, and hope (41:52).Find your identity in God: When your worth is rooted in God's unconditional love, rejection and betrayal cannot destroy your purpose (48:31).Closing Encouragement:Pastor Long concludes by emphasizing that God's response to brokenness is always restoration (46:08). He invites viewers to trust Jesus as their savior and to lean on the community of faith, such as Celebrate Recovery or small groups, to process grief and find healing (55:46 - 57:50).0:00 - Introduction0:40 - The Series: Stories of Struggle1:53 - Understanding Betrayal8:00 - The Story of Hosea and Gomer12:51 - God's Perspective on Religious Activity vs. Love18:10 - Step 1: Face Your Pain23:31 - Step 2: Ask God into Your Brokenness29:54 - Step 3: Release Bitterness Immediately41:52 - Step 4: Receive Healing48:31 - Step 5: Find Your Identity in God55:46 - Invitation to Trust Jesus58:50 - Church Announcements and Closing

Understanding the difference between the things and choices that we've made compared to who we are in Christ is such an essential part to moving from the pit of despair and shame to the mountain top of life and grace. In this episode, Rodney Holmstrom, Global Field, Director of Celebrate Recovery, unpacked some practical things to remember and how we can get stuck in the identity piece when we think about the choices that we've made.

RECOVERY FROM THE STREETS TO THE PARK. Monty's guests include members of the 2026 Recovery In The Park Leadership Team, Butch Weikel, Cindy Bradley, Pastor Neal McKinny and this year's emcee, Aaron Rowe. We explore the power of recovery programs like Celebrate Recovery and the impact of community events like Recovery in the Park. Guests share personal stories of transformation, the importance of faith, and how community support can change lives. A report from the streets to the par., Recovery Rocks!Closing Song: Step by Step by Bryan Duncan. Key Topics ·         The role of faith in recovery·         Personal stories of overcoming addiction·         The growth and impact of Recovery in the Park·         The importance of community support in recovery·         Historical roots of Celebrate Recovery and AA#recovery #alcoholic #twelvesteps #wedorecover #addiction

Triggers, triggers, triggers. In celebrate recovery our goal is not to eliminate triggers from someone's life, but to help prepare someone to face them with health, courage, and strength. In this episode, Rodney Holmstrom, Global Field Director of Celebrate Recovery, wraps up the conversation around triggers with some practical tools to help us face those with courage and strength.  He gives us some tools and ways that will enable us to stay on a healthy road to recovery and not live in a place of condemnation, but of conviction that leads to healing and growth.

Where's the Line? — The Test No One Ever Handed YouThis episode is for the man who's tried to stop and didn't know who to call.We're talking honestly about pornography — how it grows, why willpower alone usually isn't enough, and a real, research-based way to know if it's become more than a habit for you. I also share something I've never said this directly before: why I went to a 12-step room instead of a Christian counselor, and what I've found in Celebrate Recovery on the other side of it.⚠️ This episode deals with sensitive subject matter. Handled with care, not graphic — but direct, because this conversation matters.Take the assessment (free, confidential, ~10 minutes):Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST) — Pure Desire Ministrieshttps://puredesire.org/courses/sexual-addiction-screening-test/Find a Celebrate Recovery group near you:https://celebraterecovery.com/find-help-2/Our group meets Tuesdays at 6 PM — but CR has thousands of locations worldwide, so if ours isn't a fit, use the link above to find one near you. This was never about getting you into our church. It's about you finding peace.If something in this episode hit close to home — you're not alone, and you don't have to figure it out by yourself.Let's get coffee. Let me be your friend. Let me walk beside you.#TheIntentionalGuy #PornographyRecovery #CelebrateRecovery #ChristianMen #MensMinistry

Send us Fan MailNeil Getzlow shares his powerful journey from lifelong pornography addiction, infidelity, and blackmail to complete freedom in Christ. In this conversation with Nathan and John, Neil unpacks how God used a crisis moment, his wife Amy's forgiveness, and the process of confession, recovery, and discipleship to restore their marriage and launch The Gideon Factor ministry. They also discuss Celebrate Recovery, Be Broken Ministries, and practical steps for men battling sexual sin, shame, and broken identity. Website:To learn more go to: https://neilgetzlow.com/ Music:Intro and Outro Music by Jerry Abahhttps://youtu.be/NJFQvXk36oMSupport the show

Sometimes when we think about triggers, there's some big and obvious triggers that we are well aware of. But sometimes there's those triggers that seem to come out of nowhere, whether it's a dream, memory, old song, Relationship conversation and more. What do we do when these triggers hit us out of left field? In this episode, Rodney Holmstrom, Global Field Director of Celebrate Recovery, unpacks this important topic and gives us some practical tools to help us face these triggers and even help us to maintain a healthy posture and lens toward the triggers to learn and grow through them to stay on the road to recovery.

Send us Fan MailHe was a husband, a father, and a “normal” Gulf Coast guy until addiction kept taking more than he could pay. Blaine Landrum tells Ron Myers how alcohol turned into cocaine, cocaine turned into opioids, and opioids eventually turned into crystal meth, costing him his marriage, his children, his home, and nearly his life. Then came the moment he can't forget: hungry, homeless, and eating from a dumpster in the same neighborhood where he grew up, he got on his knees and asked Jesus for help. What happens next is a raw look at faith-based addiction recovery in real life, not theory. We talk about the spark of hope that came from seeing a friend transformed, the decision to enter the Home of Grace, and the early days of simply getting safe, getting fed, and getting clear. From there, Blaine explains the daily work that helped him stay sober: structure, classes, mentors, renewing the mind, and building a new environment that doesn't pull him back into old habits. We also get honest about relapse risks, why “same people, same places” can wreck recovery, and how community support, church, Celebrate Recovery, and strong accountability can help a person rebuild. Blaine shares what life looks like now, including regained responsibilities and restored relationships, plus direct advice for anyone losing hope or loving someone who is. Subscribe, share this with a friend, and leave a review if it helps. What's one step you can take today to move toward freedom?Support the showThank you for listening! Please help us by sharing this podcast with your friends and telling someone about what Jesus has done for you. If you would like to share your story, visit our website https://thepromoter.org/

A RECOVERY MUSIC SET This episode of the Came to Believe Recovery Podcast  we feature several recovery recording artist and their original recovery songs.Taking a break from recovery talk and kicking back and enjoying some great recovery music is the focus of this week's podcast. ENJOY! #recovery #alcoholic #twelvesteps #wedorecover #addiction 

We love that this ministry puts us on a path and trajectory with other fellow strugglers in life that we call forever family. Sitting down and having heart-to-heart conversations is such a gift and, in this episode, that gift was so appreciated. In this episode, Rodney Holmstrom, Global Field Director of Celebrate Recovery, sits down with Noah Whitaker, celebrate recovery representative of North Dakota, to have a conversation around recovery and specifically step 10 and how we can serve in a healthy posture and not out of codependency. They also discuss why and how celebrate recovery is so vital for the entire family and the impact on Noah's life growing up in recovery.

As God's children who are serving in ministry, sometimes the first thing to go in our walk is learning how to rest in Christ. Busyness can be one of the greatest enemies to sustainability and longevity in ministry. In this episode, Rodney Holmstrom, Global Field Director of Celebrate Recovery, sits down with West Regional Director Jeff Redmond to discuss what it looks like practically to rest in Christ and some things that he's learned in his walk as a believer and recovery.

In recent years, the celebrate recovery global ministry has expanded the way churches can become a celebrate recovery ministry by hosting open share group only within their church. God is doing remarkable things through this function of the ministry and lives are being changed & pointed to Christ. In this episode, Rodney Holmstrom, Global Field, Director of Celebrate Recovery, sits down with Todd Harris, a CR representative in California to hear his heart and how he believes that a revival is spreading through the nation through this new approach to reaching more people through the church and open share group only. Listen to Todd's passion and heart for Jesus and the ministry of celebrate recovery and be inspired.

In this episode, Rodney Holmstrom, global field director of celebrate recovery, will continue the conversation of understanding how our childhood can play into our present day today. What are some other things that we need to be aware of and how our present behavior might be connected with a root from our past, that needs our attention. Listen in and explore some thoughts and reflective questions to think about as we lean into the greater part of our story to take to the One who heals the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

If you're typing “Celebrate Recovery near me” into Google because you’re desperate for help after discovering that your husband has been lying to you about his infidelity or his use of inappropriate material, you're not alone. BEFORE GOING TO CELEBRATE RECOVERY NEAR ME, CONSIDER THIS: 1. Recovery Programs Only work If He's Honest A recovery environment only works if your husband is completely honest about his behavior. Even in cases where he’s willing to attend a program, some women discover their husband takes “chips,” confesses slips, or shares breakthroughs in group without ever telling her. Not because he's changing, but because he's using the system to make it look like he's changing. 2. celebrate recovery near me Can't Fix Emotional Abuse When women search “Celebrate Recovery near me,” they often think the program will help heal their marriage by helping their husbands understand the root causes of their addiction and behaviors, especially if he seems willing to go meetings. But the root issue isn't addiction, it's entitlement, control, and dishonesty. Most recovery programs aren't designed to assess or confront coercive control. So instead of getting safer, some women end up feeling more confused. Before you invest your hope in any program, you deserve to understand the full picture. To discover if your husband is emotionally abusive, take this free emotional abuse quiz. 3. Some Men Use Recovery or Language as a Shield Many women report that once their husband joined a recovery group like Celebrate Recovery near me, he just learned to speak the language of recovery without actually changing. Instead of becoming more honest, some men become more skilled at hiding, using the right words, sharing at the right times, and appearing accountable…while the underlying patterns stay the same. This isn't necessarily the program's fault. Recovery culture tends to take disclosures at face value. But for some men, it becomes a stage rather than a mirror. 4. If He Gets Praise in Group but You Get Hurt at Home, Pay Attention The applause of a group like Celebrate Recovery near me can unintentionally reward performance. Your lived experience matters more than his report. If his recovery looks great publicly, but privately you feel scared, confused, dismissed, or blamed, that's a sign to step back and observe what’s happening. You don’t have to announce this to anyone 5. RECOVERY Programs Don't Replace Betrayal Trauma Support A program like Celebrate Recovery near me often uses a model that focuses on his trauma from childhood or his triggers. They may encourage couples to build routines that reduce his stress or triggers, sometimes placing more responsibility on her to monitor or support his progress. These might be good tools for people who genuinely want to heal. But they don't address lying, manipulation and entitlement. A woman in an emotionally abusive marriage needs support that centers her emotional safety, not his recovery timeline. 6. If You Feel Worse After the Program Starts, That Matters Many women assume feeling worse is a sign that they're a part of “the problem,” or they need to be “more supportive.” When his patterns of behavior become a shared problem…something you're both expected to manage…it often creates more emotional chaos for her. Her emotional safety needs to be addressed separately, not tied to how well he's doing or how much effort he appears to be making. Feeling confused, blamed, responsible for his recovery, or pressured to forgive and move forward…is a sign something else is happening. 7. Your EMOTIONAL SAFETY COMES BEFORE HIS RECOVERY STORY If you’re searching “Celebrate Recovery near me” to save your marriage, here's the most important thing: his recovery is not the foundation of your emotional safety. Your clarity is. It’s important to have your own support community in place that is educated in the dynamics of emotional and psychological abuse and can help you decide what you need for emotional safety. If you need support in addressing what's really happening, and whether a recovery program can help, you can start with the Living Free Workshop or BTR Group Sessions. They're designed to give you immediate clarity. Transcript: What Happened When I Googled “Celebrate Recovery Near Me” Anne: I’ve talked to hundreds of women who have typed things like “Celebrate Recovery near me”, or “addiction recovery program” into Google. Especially when their husband said he was an addict and he is willing to go to a program. So if he’s willing and goes to this program, it’s totally normal for a woman to think that things are gonna get better. But over the years, I’ve interviewed countless women who tell me things actually got worse. And I’m interviewing one of those women today. We’re gonna call her. Nancy. Here’s part of her story. Nancy: His coworker called me. She told me she was out with some friends. And he flirted with her and tried to pick her up. We were Going to Celebrate Recovery. He supposedly had been sober for months. Anne: We’re gonna get to her whole story, but before we do, I wanna stress that it’s important to understand that a manipulative man can use anything, a recovery program, therapy, even meeting with clergy to manipulate a woman further, and that causes a lot more harm and trauma. So before you start searching for a recovery program for your husband, it is important to consider what his recovery would be for and how abusers manipulate their victims. Most of the time, the therapist will say something like childhood wounds or addiction recovery. When really what you’re actually experiencing is emotional and psychological abuse. And I’ve even interviewed women who have tried to find an abuse program for their husband, and they still tell me the same things. So as you listen to Nancy’s story, I think it will help put into perspective what’s really going on and what steps you wanna take next. When I met him I thought he was a good guy Anne: That’s why I created the Living Free Workshop. It helps women know what’s going on, if he’s really abusive or not. Some women find out he’s not. And then what steps to take to create emotional safety in your life. It’s much faster to figure that out first, before spending tons of time and money in therapy or a recovery or Celebrate Recovery near me program. Living Free total run time is about two hours and 50 minutes, which is much shorter than three or four years to find out it’s not working. So Nancy, thank you so much for sharing your story today. Welcome, can you tell us how you met? Nancy: When I met him, he went to church. He served on the worship team, and he could talk like a preacher. So I thought he was a good guy. It was confusing, because we were play wrestling, and I wouldn’t have remembered this except I had written in a journal and I read it after everything fell apart. He held me down and said some things like, did you think you were stronger than me? Did you think I would let you go? It really scared me. I was very close to breaking up with him, but he actually cried and apologized. So I thought, he’s sorry. It’s not gonna happen again, and that sort of thing never happened again. He realized he had to be more subtle. He did tell me about his past sexual history. Mirroring my desire to serve missions Nancy: He was in the Navy and with several prostitutes. And he was honest, it felt like to me at the time. That he struggled with porn. I thought after we married, that wouldn’t be an issue. And honestly, I don’t know that anyone would’ve told me anything different. I wanted to serve in medical missions. He didn’t seem interested in this, so I prayed and left the relationship in God’s hands. I told him about how I prayed. And the next time we got together, he said, “He had been thinking and praying, and he really felt God moving his heart to missions. That everyone always thought he should be a missionary. It really blew me away, because I thought God had answered my prayer really fast. He knew that he was not only lying to me, he was also lying about God, and he chose it. Which makes him a really evil person. In pre-marital counseling, I was clear that I didn’t see myself as a housewife. I wanted things to be equal, and I didn’t plan to stop working. He acted like he was on the same page and that he was fine with this. So we married. Things were not good. In less than a year, he turned me down for sexual intimacy. Which was surprising and incredibly hurtful. Especially when I realized he was looking at porn. We went to see the movie Fireproof, and afterwards he admitted he was taking off his ring to flirt with people. I was trying to be very understanding, but I did feel hurt, and he got angry at me. He said this was the thanks he gets for staying away from porn for a couple weeks, which is not funny, but I’m laughing at the audacity. He Pushed Me to Quit Working While Avoiding Any Real Recovery or Celebrate Recovery Near Me Programs Nancy: I think I blocked a lot of it out, because somehow things were good enough back and forth between nice, the Christian thing, and when he would be not so nice. I didn’t recognize abuse. The only thing I could put my finger on was the sexual things. We never could solve how things were to be run. And now that we had children, he could step away and I would be forced to do more house duties, cooking, cleaning, et cetera. Because someone had to do all the things for the children. I would tell him what we had agreed before marriage, and he said, “Yeah, but I thought you would change after we had kids.” Anne: I said the same thing. I said, I’m not gonna cook. And he was like, no problem. Then later told me, I thought you would change. And I’m like, I was so clear. Nancy: Exactly, we’re both honest and open. It’s like, that doesn’t mean I have to change, just ’cause you thought I would change. Well, it did because we had children now that needed to be taken care of. Anne: Right. Nancy: The same thing I said, I didn’t wanna stop working.” And he would constantly try to get me to stop working. I was only working part-time. He wanted me to not have an escape route. We separated, but I was so exhausted and overwhelmed with a baby, 2-year-old, and a 5-year-old. We got back together pretty quickly. Discovering he was flirting with coworker Nancy: A year later, we separated again and went to couples counseling, ’cause I still had not seen how that was harmful. I was really hopeful, which seems funny after just like a week or two of separation. But his coworker called me and told me she had been out with some friends, and he was flirting with her and trying to pick her up. I thought this would be his rock bottom, because he’s almost lost his family. Anyway, we got back together and things were up and down. I was dealing with a lot of anger and depression, social anxiety. At the time, I thought I needed counseling to deal with my issues. We were going to Celebrate Recovery near me. His stated problems in Celebrate Recovery were sex addiction and anger. It’s so crazy knowing that, how could everybody there not believe anything I was saying? He supposedly had been sober for months because of all the addiction model stuff. We agreed that he would tell me if he ever had a slip within a certain amount of time. So at Celebrate Recovery, he went forward for a one-day chip, and that really shocked me because he wasn’t ever gonna tell me. When we agreed that he would. After that we had sex that was definitely, obviously coercive. I don’t think I had the words at the time, but I definitely felt that way because we had an agreement and he didn’t follow it. That was the last time we ever were together. He said he would throw me a 30th birthday party Nancy: I took a step back, and I was observing him because I felt like we were at the best place, and I’m actually an okay person. That means there’s nothing I’ve done wrong, literally. And there’s nothing I can do to change this. It just became increasingly clear to me. So I started looking for more information and came across BTR, but I didn’t listen to the episodes because I saw the word abuse. And thought that doesn’t apply to me. And I found a couple other podcasts. They didn’t fully explain everything, and then a really bad incident happened when I turned 30, a big birthday. Anne: They always do it on birthdays and holidays. Nancy: I know, I had always thrown him birthday parties. He’s an extrovert and that was something that he enjoyed and I didn’t mind, he didn’t throw me anything because I’m more of an introvert. So when I was going to turn 30, I told him that I’d like a birthday party and would like him to throw it for me. I said if he didn’t want to, let me know. ‘Cause it was important enough to me that I would throw it for myself. He said he would throw me the birthday party. But when I wasn’t seeing any preparations, I checked in with him. And the motions he made came across like he was planning a surprise birthday party. Anne: Like, let’s not talk about it. Or you might ruin your surprise. Nancy: Exactly, I had said, “I will throw it for myself.” I repeated that again, that time. He knew. He Claimed He ‘Forgot' My Birthday While Pretending Recovery Through SAA and Celebrate Recovery Near Me Groups Nancy: So my birthday comes up. I expect a surprise party around any corner. I come to the end of the day and nothing happened, nothing. And his excuse was forgetfulness. Anne: I never gave you the impression I was gonna throw you a party. Nancy: Yeah, It was always that gaslighting and blame shifting. I feel like I dissociated a little bit around that time. ‘Cause it was really hurtful, because I would have thrown it for myself. Anne: And he knew that and he gave you the impression that he was throwing you a party on purpose to ensure that you didn’t have a party. Nancy: Exactly, I actually believed him that it was on accident, but that was just as hurtful. Now, I believe it was fully on purpose. At the time I was going to COSA and he was going to an SAA group. Anne: When she says COSA or SAA, she’s talking about 12-Step recovery for pornography addicts or sexual addicts. There are other programs like Celebrate Recovery near me. And the COSA is a co sex addict’s 12-Step for a wife of an addict, where she basically does the same program he does and tries to fix her character defects. Nancy: Yeah, I’d been talking about giving him another chance to throw me a party, and they said if he already didn’t do it, you should not do that. So I ended up throwing myself a party. After that 30th birthday, I would get down around my birthday every year. I ended up telling him that, not in a way to blame him, because like I said, I didn’t think he had done it on purpose. I just thought I should let him know I wasn’t myself. Recognizing Gaslighting in real time Nancy: And it was the first time I recognized what he was doing in the moment, he started to say. “That had not happened. That didn’t sound like something he would’ve done, that my memory must be a little off.” So many different ways he was trying to convince me that it hadn’t happened, and he couldn’t convince me because I knew it had happened. So he switched tactics and said that maybe he should get counseling for being abused. Anne: He’s claiming that you’re abusing him. Nancy: Exactly, I was so confused. I asked him, “Abuse, what are you talking about? Am I being abusive right now?” And he goes, “No, the abuse I’ve had to endure for the last how many years.” And then I realized oh, that was gaslighting. That’s blame shifting, and I ended up leaving the room and cried on my own. It shook me up that he could take something very vulnerable and turn it on me like that. I was talking about that incident and how he was saying I was abusive and I heard myself saying, “It was surprising he would call me abusive when he’s been so much worse.” And that was the first time I thought maybe he is abusive, and that reminded me about BTR. I thought, let me listen to that, ’cause maybe I can get some insight. That brought me back to listening to the BTR podcast. And I vividly remember I was binging all these episodes, hearing women’s stories. It felt like my life. And it just blew my mind to realize I’ve been abused this whole time. Anne: I’m so sorry. You were experiencing Betrayal Trauma and were not aware that recovery or Celebrate Recovery near me programs wouldn’t help you. Addict model says he’s struggling, he’s not in control Nancy: It made sense. It felt like everything clicked into place. Everything else I was told didn’t make sense. I always talked about stuff. I was always looking for answers. And I never felt like I was codependent or that I needed codependents anonymous. None of that stuff seemed to fit. In fact, the advice I was given, “Don’t pay attention to what he’s doing. Only work on yourself.” While they’re also saying, “Don’t be codependent, ignore what he’s doing,” which just doesn’t work. The addict model, like he’s struggling, he’s trying, he’s not in control. I mean, that’s like step one. You’re powerless to control your behavior. He accepted the addiction model early on, and we were in and out of groups the whole time. But I don’t believe now that he’s an addict, and I don’t think he even thinks he’s an addict. It’s a great excuse to keep doing what you’re doing. Because there’s no accountability, and everyone applauds your efforts. Even if you’re not reaching the goal, you actually have a choice. He would say to me that he could not promise that he would never do any of the sexual stuff again. So it was like basically just saying, I’m gonna be doing this my whole life. Anne: My ex wouldn’t promise either. He said if I promised, “I wouldn’t be on my toes. Like I don’t want to think I couldn’t do that, because then maybe I would be in danger of doing it.” Which doesn’t even make sense. Like I can legit say, I will never have an affair. finding BTR helped me wrap my head around the abuse, Celebrate Recovery near me didn’t Nancy: Right, yeah. I found BTR. And the abuse model is they have a choice, and they’re choosing to be harmful and abusive. All these years he had been a liar. I stepped back and observed behavior for me to fully wrap my head around it. I believe he feels entitled to do what he wants. He doesn’t see people as people. Or maybe it’s just women as women. Objectification is a huge thing. I don’t think he ever saw me as an equal partner or a person. And I don’t believe he ever loved me. I was a desirable object he acquired, and that was it. When I started listening to BTR, it helped me understand abuse and the subtleties of it. Because before, I had only been thinking physical abuse or yelling insults, which my ex did not do. Listening to the stories helped me see how this plays out in marriage, even in a Christian marriage. It was helpful to see the ways men could twist faith things, because many of these men and my ex are very manipulative. Like it has to slowly play out over time to see what they’re doing. And a lot of it goes back to intent, and it’s hard to see intent. It was hard for me to imagine my husband is lying to me. So that was a shift too, to start looking at actions instead of words. BTR gave me a lot of insight into what I was living through and what was helpful, especially getting into the BTR groups. Celebrate Recovery near me didn’t do that. It helps build you up so that you can go through the hard stuff. We were going to counseling around the time I started going to BTR group. Going to couple counseling Nancy: Because of BTR, I had the words for it. I was able to express better what was happening. The counselor didn’t help my situation, of course. Individual counseling and couple counseling are unhelpful, because an abuser’s goal, my ex’s goal, was not to get better. His goal is to get whatever he wants. He’ll say whatever he needs to say to get what he needs from the counselor. We’ve gone to quite a few couple counselors. We would go into a new counselor, and he would bring up a new issue. He had never told me about me. Anne: Suddenly you’re a kleptomaniac or something. Nancy: Yeah, things that he thought I did that were hurtful to him, that I had never heard of before. But I felt so bad that I was hurting him without knowing it. What a callous person I am. Anne: Not knowing he was bearing false witness and that he literally made it up. Nancy: Yeah, completely distracted from why we went to counseling in the first place is sexual issues. Like I would have to be a safe person so he could be honest with me. Because I’m an actual caring person, I would feel like this was an actual issue that I needed to fix. And that is the part about the psychological abuse that is hard to describe. Because a lot of it could sound valid, and I thought these things were valid. But later realizing they were lies. They were lies, because he would’ve said them before. Anne: Exactly. creepy experience with new counselor Nancy: We did an in-home separation, At first. His abuse escalated the freer that I was getting. I never completely stopped working. I got a job and started after the in-home separation. He actually shut off the internet. Luckily, I prepared ahead of time. I had my own phone plan with the hotspot, So I could just switch over and just didn’t even engage with him. It has been a process of combing through my life, and I have wondered that how many lies I won’t even know about or remember. Because, I believed him and he was so good at lying. One of the new things he said was I wasn’t being vocal enough in bed. It felt so humiliating for him to say that to the new counselor. When he had never said that before. This male counselor wanted us to do an exercise right then on the sofa in front of him. He wanted my ex to touch like my foot or my leg, and then slowly move closer to my private areas. And as he moved closer. I was supposed to make more and more noise. Anne: No. Nancy: Isn’t that crazy? Anne: That’s so creepy. Nancy: I did feel incredibly creeped out, and I refused to do it. Anne: Good for you. He said there would be no equality in our marriage – Celebrate Recovery near me didn’t help with that Nancy: I wish I had just walked out, But after we left, I said, “I will never go back to that counselor again.” And we never did. I said, “What I would need to continue in the marriage was for him to be seeing his own personal counselor, to have a full disclosure with a lie detector test.” Which he said no to. And I know now it wouldn’t have been helpful. Just like Celebrate Recovery near me wasn’t helpful. Anne: I know, thank goodness. Nancy: Right. Anne: Mine never did that either. And I think I would’ve just been in the abuse for so much longer had he said yes. Nancy: Right, and then the second thing I said is that, “I wanted equality in our marriage.” And he said no. Anne: He said no, he didn’t want equality? Nancy: Correct. Anne: Wow. Nancy: So I was like, then literally that’s the end of it. And I was going to BTR group. I remember one of the coaches said to me, “It was a blessing that he actually had been honest.” At the time, I didn’t understand, now I do. And I’m so glad I asked those questions. I don’t know why he was honest. There are two possibilities. He didn’t think I would leave, because I hadn’t yet. We’d been married for almost 14 years, and he was only saying what was already true. You don’t need to be perfect to be loved Nancy: I just didn’t realize it was true. Or maybe he did want me to leave. I had some conversations with his mom. Because I found BTR, and surprisingly, she said it made her realize she was in an abusive relationship with my ex’s dad. However, she still felt like I should stay. Because she felt like the Lord had taught her so much and she had grown through all these trials. I have sympathy for her, but it’s so wrong. All of a sudden it just became very clear to me that if I stayed for the kids, it was actually putting them more at risk. And honestly, that conversation solidified that I had to leave for the kids. If you’re not sure yet if your partner is abusive, Just listen to some BTR stories and see what jumps out at you. You are a worthy human being that does not have to be perfect to be loved and treated with respect. Reconciliation is not necessary for forgiveness, and you don’t have to forgive anyone. It’s more of a process that can happen on its own time, and no one should force it. Pay much closer attention to someone’s actions over time than the words they say. And it’s never too late to make different choices when you learn or understand new information. I feel like having to make a choice that is wildly unpopular with people around you. Church, that I had to learn in a new way. Maybe for the first time, to not let what people thought about me affect the decisions that I make that part has been really hard because a church we were going to was not supportive at first. Call from somebody in Celebrate Recovery near me group Nancy: Some of them seemed supportive, and even the ones I thought were supportive, in the end weren’t. I actually got a phone call from somebody in my Celebrate Recovery near me group. She called me up to ask me if I was seeing a counselor. Because I still seemed angry. I was speechless, of course I’m angry. Anne: Yeah Nancy: I didn’t even know how to respond to her. I just told her yes, I’m in BTR group and got off the phone. There’s nothing wrong with being angry about the situation. I feel like church tells women they shouldn’t be angry. But Jesus was angry. There’s nothing wrong with being angry. Anne: Yeah, I feel like if you’re not angry, something’s wrong. Nancy: Right. Anne: I mean, nothing is wrong with you. You might be numb, you might be sad. I went through periods where I wasn’t super angry. I was just really depressed, but on the whole oppressed, abused, exploited people, their anger is from God to help liberate themselves from the oppression. But of course, the abuser does not want you to liberate yourself. He said flat out he didn’t want you to be equal. That is infuriating. Nancy: And now he wanted 50/50 custody. It was very upsetting, because my ex had been very non-helpful around the house and with the kids. It was hard to think that he would want 50/50. Anne: But of course he did. Nancy: I didn’t see that coming, and I wish I had been more prepared and could have been more strategic. Listening to him lie in the courtroom Nancy: I could not wrap my mind around that at the time. I had seen more and more abuse as my eyes were open. So I couldn’t wrap my mind around 50/50 custody. I was under the delusion that justice was in the court system. I found out, even though I know he lies, it was a big shock to listen to him lying in the Courtroom. It’s hard to witness. It’s something I wish I had processed before, because I’m sure that was pointed out to me. But I couldn’t process that as a reality back then. The Living Free Workshop was so helpful. And going to group and getting help constantly. The Living Free Workshop is so different than anything you’ve ever been taught. I don’t know how I would’ve made it through this, honestly. That was another thing that was really helpful. There were some scripts in Living Free to get him on Our Family Wizard, and he actually got on it easily. I was surprised. I didn’t think he would get on as easily as he did, and just not responding in any other way. Anne: That’s the thing, they’re desperate to talk to you. With the workshop, everybody says, how am I gonna make him go on OFW? And if you do the script and stick to it and do not deviate. Legit, don’t deviate. Once you’re on Our Family Wizard, literally block him on your phone, so he has no other way of contacting you. He is desperate to get your attention and your belief, like Living Free says, yeah, they’re so transactional. And if you respond through Our Family Wizard, he will find a way to do it. he performs for others in groups like Celebrate Recovery near me and in court Anne: They’re like, well, this is what I gotta do to talk to her, because I’m blocked otherwise. They will move. It might take a month. I’ve had it take the longest six weeks with one woman that I was working with. Every single time he texted, she said, “Hey, I’ve responded on Our Family Wizard.” Nancy: Right. It felt overwhelming, because he kept sending me long, manipulative messages, but I responded on Our Family Wizard. It only took me once for him to switch. Being on OFW was better. Oh, one of the books BTR recommends, The Woman They Could Not Silence. I read it and that was awesome. It helped open up my mind to spiritual abuse. It’s been inspiring to me this whole time. What she went through being separated from her children. That book has been really inspiring. The thought of leaving them with him, terrifying to me. We went through two rounds of court. He would make it sound like I was controlling and not letting him do things. Like why wouldn’t I let him take the kids to half of the doctor’s appointments when he never came to a pregnancy appointment? And same with field trips. He’ll go on field trips now, and I feel like it’s just to keep me from going. It. He never wanted to before. Anne: If he was actually a good dad, he would’ve been doing it before, but since he’s only doing it now, he is just performing. Nancy: Yes, it’s a performance because he’s getting something out of it from other people, like in in celebrate recovery near me, and it’s punishment for me because he knows how much I like being there for the kids. Reluctance to support anything he can’t control Nancy: When we married, he didn’t want us to do extracurricular activities. He didn’t even want free after school activities, much less anything you would have to pay for. He was only okay with youth group attached to his job, not the free after school activities. But since we’ve been divorced, he has them interested in hockey, which is one of the most expensive and time consuming sports there is. It’s very strange from my entire experience with him. He never talked about hockey, and he never wanted them involved. At the same time, he is not wanting to pay half of necessary expenses, like medical or orchestra uniforms. For a long time, I was not asking for half of necessary expenses. Because I didn’t wanna have to deal with him because he makes it such a struggle. Anne: My ex is exactly like that, exactly. When my book comes out, I’m anxious for you to read it, because it was all about control. Like, if I’m paying you anything or if I’m involved in any way, I have to control it. Nancy: Yeah, like my youngest wanted to do karate. His dad would not participate even when I offered to pay the whole thing. Other son was invited to concert band, and his dad said no. Anne: Think about the power trip that gives him that he’s able to manipulate them away from their natural interests. And maybe hockey is something that he wants to do. Like he thinks karate’s dumb, but he thinks hockey’s interesting. Draining my bank account and controlling my time Nancy: It is a huge expense that is very draining. When he won’t even pay half of an AP test. Anne: And that might be part of it. He’s, let’s pick the most expensive thing to drain her bank account. Nancy: Yeah, it was a double bind to drain my bank account and control my time. And at the same time, if I have to back out of it. He’ll say, sorry, kids, Mom won’t let us go to hockey. Anne: He’s calculating ways to set you up to be the bad guy. Nancy: Yes, he is an expert at setting up situations, so my bank account is being drained, and I cover a hundred percent of their insurance. Anne: With a lot of these post-separation abuse situations. They get the benefits, but they don’t have any of the responsibilities, and they can use it against you, but it never works for you. They can bend the rules in order to benefit them, but you can’t bend the rules. Nancy: In the Living Free Workshop. It was helpful to see how to deal with narcissistic abuse in marriage and how it plays out in separation, to find a way out of it. There was one thing you said, and this is when you’re moving away from his harm. You said, “If he escalates, remember that protecting yourself from the harm is not the cause of the harm. Just like evacuating a building was not the cause of the exploding gas lines.” He still wants to get together Nancy: That really hit me. One of the things that keeps haunting me is did I do the right thing? He still tries to get together personally with me. It constantly comes up that he wants to get together for coffee, or would I go to counseling with him, co-parenting counseling. I mostly ignore it at this point because he’s asked so many times. I don’t even answer him. Then if something goes wrong with the money situations or if there’s a point of disagreement, he will say, if you would’ve only met with me like I’ve asked, then this would’ve already been stopped. Anne: Yeah, we could’ve worked it out somehow, no. He would still lie. Nancy: It’s a trap. There’s that little 2% of me left that feels like, well, maybe I should meet with him, but no, it’s a trap. Anne: Yeah, no. Nancy: Because he never intends to do a nice thing. He just wants to get me in front of him again. I don’t think any good would come of it. Anne: A hundred percent, no. It might seem good, ’cause once you get there, it might seem good. He might like to turn on the manipulative lies to make you feel like he cares. I think one of the most abusive things people can say is, I love you or that I care. So manipulating you in that way is actually dangerous, and that’s probably what would happen. Nancy: I don’t think I could keep a straight face. It would skive me out so bad to be around him and hear stuff like that. Everything he says is the opposite of the truth Anne: Well, it’s just further evidence of his controlling nature, because he desperately wants to hang on to control. And so he’s increasing his lies because it’s getting away from him. That’s definitely a sign that he’s been lying the whole time. Nancy: I completely agree. I know that this is better for them in the long run, but in the short run, that sentence helps me right now. That was probably one of the hardest things for me to come to terms with, is that he never loved me. He doesn’t love the children. None of it’s real. It’s all lies, and he still does it. It’s mind-boggling. Everything he says is the opposite of what the truth is. He continues lying as he did in programs like Celebrate Recovery near me. As we were moving through the separation process, the boys did not want to leave and crying and like holding onto the car seats. It was horrible. I knew if I said anything to him, he wouldn’t care. Any altercation would be scary for the kids. So I started getting third party exchange people through a new church. I actually found a church with a woman pastor, which is quite lovely. The new church was helpful and supportive, and there were several people that would help me with exchanges. And things changed, like taking the Living Free Workshop, and suddenly I felt a lot stronger. I had a new understanding and confidence, so I stopped doing the third party exchanges. He actually met with the principal to try to get the principal to agree with him that I’m not allowed to go into the school on his parenting weeks. like in celebrate recovery near me, A clear example of him lying, controlling and abusing Nancy: Which isn’t true. You’re allowed to visit your kid in the school. Anne: Absolutely. Nancy: Unless there’s a restraining order, which there’s not. We have shared custody, but he made it sound like the principal agreed with him. I didn’t think it was the truth, but it scared me at the time. And we were about to have a party, and I signed up to bring food, so I worried I would be kicked out. But the principal didn’t say anything. Isn’t that a clear example of parental alienation? Anne: It’s a clear way of him undermining your relationship with your kids, lying, controlling, and abusing you. This is how he’s literally abusing you and your children. Nancy: Everybody heard about this incident, and it didn’t matter. He made it sound like he had just been concerned for the children’s wellbeing. Anne: Yeah, no. Nancy: My being around them upset them. Anne: Lies. That’s the issue they lie in programs like Celebrate Recovery near me and fool the leaders. Nancy: It’s lies at times it is possible that they might be upset, but it’s not because they’re scared of me. It’s more that they’re sad about the situation. My one son, he told me, it makes him sad to see me when he knows he has to go back to his dad’s. My daughter had a phone before we separated, but he wouldn’t allow communication between the boys and me ever. Once, my son called me using his sister’s phone. He was crying. I was only on the phone for about two or three minutes, and then the phone cut off. And they told me when they came back that he had been mad at them for calling me. Even if there is a court order they will find away around it Nancy: He wouldn’t allow them to have a watch phones either. That’s one of the reasons we went back to court. Anne: That’s the problem with court. You think if we get it in writing, then he’ll do it, but it doesn’t matter. He is not gonna do it no matter what. Nancy: This is what I have learned. I don’t ever wanna go back to court again, because it doesn’t help. No matter what you do, they’ll find a new way to cause harm. So there’s no point in any kind of new order. ‘Cause then they’ll find a new way around it. Anne: Exactly. Nancy: I’m still glad I went, because before I had been worried I had to do everything exactly perfectly or something would go wrong. And then I realized he’s doing wrong things on purpose. He just says stuff to get what he wants and nobody cares. So that has relieved a lot of fear. Anne: What would you share with listeners about what you’ve learned so far about finding help, maybe from Celebrate Recovery near me or elsewhere? Nancy: You know, hearing other people’s stories have meant so much to me, Living Free and the BTR coaches set me up for success. They told me to transfer half of our money to a separate bank account before I even told him that I might be leaving. That was incredibly helpful because I’m not sure if it would’ve been easy for me to get the money. I never used the word abuse or narcissism to him. That played out well, because he would’ve twisted it against me. Anne: A hundred percent. Kids need to know what a safe place feels like Nancy: Getting on the parenting app, super helpful, third parties for switches. Finding people to help with the things you need is just a lifesaver. I do feel like it will be better for the kids in the future, because they can be in a peaceful setting that’s not manipulative. So when they’re making decisions. About how they want to live and their future partners, that they know what it feels like to be in a safe place and being able to have discussions with them about men’s and women’s roles. Anne: Nancy, thank you so much for sharing your story today. And helping others who are searching, to find something truly helpful. Nancy: Thank you.