Podcasts about Shalom bayit

It is standard medical procedure for expectant mothers to undergo periodic ultrasound examinations, during which the physicians see the fetus so it can be carefully examined to ensure it is developing properly. During this examination, the doctor can easily identify the fetus' gender, and doctors generally pass on this information to the parents. The question arises whether it is proper, from a Torah perspective, for the parents to learn the fetus' gender during pregnancy. The Torah commands, "Tamim Tiheyeh Im Hashem Elokecha" ("You shall be innocent with Hashem your G-d" – Debarim 18:13), which is understood as an obligation not to concern ourselves with the future, to conduct ourselves the way we see fit, placing our trust in Hashem, without trying to access information about the future. Does finding out a fetus' gender violate this principle? We do not find any clear-cut basis in Halachic literature to forbid such a practice, and it would appear that learning a fetus' gender does not indicate a lack of faith in G-d or an inappropriate attempt to access information about the future. There is, however, one interesting passage in the Midrash which perhaps leads us to discourage this practice. The Midrash (Kohelet Rabba) lists several pieces of information which G-d withheld from human beings. For example, nobody knows when he will leave this world, and, quite obviously, G-d arranged this intentionally so that we will always conduct ourselves properly, rather than wait and repent shortly before we die. As we do not know when we will leave this world, we have no choice but to approach every day as potentially our last, and conduct ourselves accordingly. The Midrash also includes in this list the thoughts of other people. G-d does not empower us to read other people's minds, because if people could access each other's thoughts, the world would be overrun by animosity. The Midrash lists a fetus' gender as one of the pieces of information which G-d withholds from us. No reason is given, but we can reasonably assume that if the Midrash includes a fetus' gender in this list, there must be a valuable reason for this information to be denied to us. Perhaps, if the mother was hoping for one gender, then knowing that the infant is the other gender could cause her distress, which might be detrimental to the child. Or, perhaps to the contrary, knowing the gender during pregnancy diminishes from the excitement when the baby is born. In any event, the Midrash clearly indicates that it is for our benefit that G-d conceals from parents their child's gender during pregnancy. While this Midrash certainly does not suffice to establish a Halachic prohibition against finding out a fetus' gender, it would seem that this is something which should be discouraged, unless there is a particular reason to obtain this information. In some situations, the parents need to know ahead of time whether a Berit Mila must be arranged, and there might be circumstances where for purposes of Shalom Bayit (harmony between husband and wife) this information is valuable. When such a need arises, it is certainly acceptable to be told the gender, as this does not violate any Halachic prohibition. We should add that if the father is a Kohen, there might actually be value in the parents' finding out the fetus' gender. The Mishna Berura (Rav Yisrael Meir Kagan of Radin, 1839-1933) addresses the question of whether a woman who is married to a Kohen may come in contact with Tum'at Met (the impurity generated by a human corpse) during pregnancy, such as by visiting a cemetery or entering a home where a corpse is present. All male Kohanim, including infants, are included in the prohibition which forbids Kohanim from coming in contact with Tum'at Met, and the question thus arises as to whether a pregnant wife of a Kohen should avoid Tum'at Met, in case she gives birth. The Mishna Berura rules that this is permissible, because it is a situation of "Sefek Sefeka" – where two uncertainties are involved. First, it is uncertain whether the fetus is a boy, who is forbidden from coming in contact with Tum'at Met, or a girl, who is not forbidden. Second, it is possible that the infant will be stillborn, Heaven forbid, in which case, of course, there is no prohibition. On this basis, the Mishna Berura permits the pregnant wife of a Kohen to go to a place where there is a human corpse. However, in a situation where Halacha permits something because of a "Sefek Sefeka," if it becomes possible to resolve one of the uncertainties, there is an obligation to do. Therefore, in the case of a wife of a Kohen who is pregnant, there is value in determining the gender in order to resolve the first uncertainty. Then, if she is carrying a boy, she would be required to avoid exposure to Tum'at Met, and if it is a girl, this would not be necessary. It should be noted that the Magen Abraham (Rav Abraham Gombiner, 1633-1683) maintained that the pregnant woman in any event would be permitted to go to a place where there is Tum'at Met, because the prohibition does not apply in such a case. Therefore, in consideration of this opinion, we would not go so far as to require a Kohen's pregnant wife to determine the child's gender. (Parenthetically, we should note that a Kohen's wife is certainly allowed to go to a hospital to deliver the child, despite the high probability that there is a human corpse in the hospital, because this is a situation of Pikua'h Nefesh – a potentially life-threatening circumstance. Additionally, the spread of Tum'a from one room to another and one floor to another in the hospital likely occurs only Mi'de'rabbanan (on the level of Rabbinic enactment), such that there is greater room for leniency.) Summary: There is no Halachic prohibition against finding out a fetus' gender during pregnancy, though it is preferable not to, unless there is a particular need, or if not knowing could compromise Shalom Bayit. If the father is a Kohen, it might, according to some opinions, be preferable to find out the gender, so that the mother will avoid places of Tum'at Met if it's a boy, and will not have to avoid such places if it is a girl. If the couple does not know the gender, the woman is nevertheless allowed to visit places where there is Tum'at Met.

We continue in Lessons in Tanya chapter 34 on the 35th day of Sefirah connecting wirh Divine Providence to the Divine Presence which only comes through Bital and Simcha. Learning Halacha builds the vessels and intellect to be able to receive the Sheichnah Kedosha... All Great preps for Shavuot & everyday life in the Holy Land... Cover pic Shalom Bayit avodah at the TOP show at the O2 Arena Clancy Tour 2025 beyond special experience with my Soulmate. Shared more on the relationship flow podcast... Clip - The Line by TOP beyond specialTOP Flow - London Trip for my Soulmate - Splendid Weather & Gardens https://open.spotify.com/episode/4tydrFNVFQulS7cZNuXNth?si=6MpWL5nvSa6ldyeEIaDFLwUnity Inspires Projects - United Souls 53 - One Flame Festival, True Freedom & Elevation is Making Space for the Mashiach Flow! https://eligoldsmith.substack.com/p/unity-inspires-projects-united-souls-b8e #unitedsouls #unityprojects #oneflamefestival #truefreedom #mashiachflow

Who Would Have Thought? Three people recentlyapproached me, each asking a similar question. "I know that Hashem onlydoes good. Yet, what could possibly be good about the pain and anguish I amgoing through now?" One of them had Shalom Bayit problems, one had Shiduchproblems and the other had health problems. It is easy to learn about Hashem'sgoodness and talk about it, giving Chizuk to others. However, when a personhimself is in a difficult situation, it is not so easy to feel that goodness. What is the answer totheir question? How could painful situations possibly be good? It is very hardfor us to understand, because we have such a narrow view of life. There is somuch more going on than meets the eye. When Rabbi Akiva was suffering at thehands of the Romans, the angels in Heaven asked Hashem how this could possiblybe good. Hashem responded, "In order for you to understand this, I wouldhave to unravel the entire world and explain everything from the beginning oftime." Everything is interconnected. There are past lives, Gilgulim andTikunim, which are beyond our comprehension. I am reminded of parabletold by the Chafetz Chaim about a man who had such a difficult life. All he didwas complain. Finally, it was revealed to him that in a previous life, he hadblemishes that did not allow him to enter the highest parts of Gan Eden. Thesoul wants nothing more than to be close to Hashem for all eternity. He beggedfor another chance to return to this world and live the life he was currentlyliving as a Kapara(atonement), in order to eternally enjoy the next world. Hesaw in advance how difficult his life would be, and he still wanted it. Itturns out that he was complaining about a life that he himself had begged for. One day everything willbe clear. When Hashem does reveal to us why He dealt with us the way He did, wewill be in a state of jubilation, thanking and praising Him for everything Hedid. For now, we must trust that what we are going through is also good. We also must know thatjust because today there is pain or difficulty, does not mean that it will bethat way tomorrow. Sometimes people are in tough situations that they feel willnever end. I know an older single that had a broken engagement. The person wasdevastated. The family was devastated. They felt like they had lost thegreatest opportunity, thinking they would never find anyone as good. After ayear, the person got married and said they could not imagine marrying anyoneelse. No matter how long aproblem continues, ישועת ה' כהרף עין -Hashem's salvation can come in the blink of an eye. The ChafetzChaim writes in his book, "Shem Olam," if someone would have seen thebitterness and toil of our ancestors in Egypt , they would never have believed that they could ever leave. No one had ever escaped Egypt . They hadtotal control over the Jews, forcing each person to produce 400 bricks a day.Who could ever have predicted that they would leave ביד רמה , obliterating theEgyptians and making a mockery of Pharaoh, who had to get up in the middle ofthe night to beg the Jews to leave? Who would have thought that 50 days laterthe Jewish people would be at Har Sinai, receiving the Torah and reachinglevels higher than any prophet we ever had? Who would have thought that YosefHaTzadik, who languished for 12 years in an ancient Egyptian jail, would, in aninstant, become the second most powerful man in the entire world? What aboutthe days of Haman? The king of the entire world signed and sealed the edictagainst the Jews. There was no place for them to flee. Who would have thoughtthat not even one Jew would die, and Haman and his family would perish. " מקימי מעפר דל מאשפות ירים אביון "-Hashemlifts us up from the dumps, " להושיביעם נדיבים "- and He elevates us to sit withthe nobles. אין כאלקינו -There is none like our G-d. יחלישראל אל ה ' -we must hope and pray to Him,because כי עם ה' החסד והרבה עמופדות -He has an abundance of salvation. While we are in theproblem, we must have emunah that even the suffering is good. At the same time,we must hope to Hashem that He brings us joy the way we want toexperience it.

Tout sur le Shalom Bayit en 10 questions - A écouter absolument! by Rav David Touitou

Let's discuss 3 main points of intense Challenges we go through with the Relationship Soulmate Flow together. Touches on the Shovavim challenges…1. Focus vs Distractions…2. Shalom Bayit building vessels for the light through love, respect, empathy and deep emotional connection…3. Harmonize with all the current intense challenges of children, war, new home etc… Cover pic - Engaged Motzai Shabbos 23 years ago, got to together connect with your relationship flow soon - Watch an episode from our Intimacy Course World Bnei Akiva - https://youtu.be/C5axv43l2as?si=49F6GctpKWTn2Bj5

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Learning in the Office Weekly we discussed The 10th Tevet, Hilula Yahrzeit of Rebbe Natan of Breslov, Shabbat Chazak, Teshuva of Shovavim and Bringing the Connection back in all way to Hashem, Beit Hamikdash, Shalom Bayit, & Mashiach... PLEASE KEEP

At this time, we are supposed to feel that our judgment is pending, and it is in our hands to get the best of everything. We need to utilize these days of Aseret Yemei Teshuva , to accept upon ourselves to become better, to make teshuva for what we have done wrong in the past, and to pray with all of our heart and soul. If there is anything we want, now is the greatest time for prayer. A person who has been waiting for so long to get married has to feel that he can get his salvation right now. A rosh yeshiva from Israel told me that in his yeshiva, they auction off the zechut of dedicating the יהא שמיה רבה of each Kaddish on the Yamim Noraim to the one who purchases it. This means that when the yeshiva boys answer אמן יהא שמיה רבה ..., praising the name of Hashem, they also have in mind a salvation for that person in need. Last year, a boy aged thirty, who had been trying very hard with Shidduchim for almost ten years, had almost decided to give up. Nothing ever went his way, and he wanted to just put it out of his mind, rather than continuing with the misery he was experiencing. Someone then told him of the miraculous salvation people have had by purchasing the zechut of the יהא שמיה רבה in that particular yeshiva in Israel. They convinced him to fly to Israel for Yom Kippur to get the zechut for himself. And that's what he did. Baruch Hashem, this year, he was zocheh to get married to a girl two years older than him. Until now, he never would have considered dating someone older than him. But in the zechut of that יהא שמיה רבה , Hashem did something to make it click in his head to try, and now he couldn't be happier. As an aside, sometimes people feel they have certain conditions they need to get married, but in reality, the zivug that Hashem has for them may not fulfill those conditions. We must be open to everything and give Hashem the "ability" to bring a person the zivug that He has had waiting for him since before they were born. I read a story in a Shalom Bayit book authored by Rabbi Nachum Diamant. A man went out with a girl and had a great time, but there was something about her looks that bothered him. She was cross-eyed. It was something that he didn't feel he could look past, but he discussed it with his rabbi first, and his rabbi encouraged him to go out a second time. The second date was even better than the first. Their personalities really clicked, but this problem was still weighing him down. He decided to continue, and then on one of the dates, he told the girl that he really wanted to marry her, but he didn't know if he could get past this issue. He mentioned there was a surgery she could do to fix it. Many girls in that situation may have gotten insulted and ended it on the spot, but Hashem guided this girl to say that she would agree to do the surgery. They got married relatively quickly before she actually got the surgery, and then she found out she was expecting, and they had to delay the surgery until after she gave birth. Finally, after she had the baby, she brought up the topic, saying she was ready for the surgery. He then said, "I think you are perfect just the way you are. Now I feel that your cross-eyes are part of your charm." When someone gets to know another person for who they are, suddenly the things they thought that would really bother them really don't. Part of getting a yeshuah in Shidduchim is being open when suggestions are made. No matter how long it has been, salvation can always come in the blink of an eye, and now is the time to pray with all of our might for yeshuot in all areas.

The custom in many communities, including ours, is to allow reciting the Arbit prayer early, before sundown, during the summer months, especially on Friday night. How exactly does this work, and under what circumstances is this permitted? The primary source of this discussion is the Mishna in Masechet Berachot which brings a famous dispute between Rabbi Yehuda and the other Sages in identifying the point at which one can no longer recite Minha, and can already recite Arbit. According to the majority opinion, this point is sundown. This means that one may recite Minha until sundown, and may not recite Arbit before sundown. Rabbi Yehuda, however, maintains that this transition occurs earlier, at the time known as Pelag Ha'minha. This view is more stringent in that it requires reciting Minha before Pelag Ha'minha, but more lenient in that it allows reciting Arbit already at Pelag Ha'minha. The Gemara, interestingly enough, concludes that one is able to choose which view to follow in this regard. If one wishes, he can follow the view permitting the recitation of Minha until sundown and requiring the recitation of Arbit after sundown, or the view requiring the recitation of Minha before Pelag Ha'minha and allowing the recitation of Arbit already at Pelag Ha'miha. The Shulhan Aruch brings the Gemara's conclusion as the Halacha (Orah Haim 233:1), but he adds that the custom is to follow the majority opinion, which permits reciting Minha until sunset, but requires reciting Arbit only from sunset. As such, the Shulhan Aruch writes, one should not recite Arbit before sunset, except in a She'at Ha'dahak – situations of dire need. Many communities, however, including ours, do not follow this custom mentioned by the Shulhan Aruch, and permit reciting Arbit before sundown. According to our custom, it is acceptable, even Le'hatehila (optimally), to recite Arbit before sundown, as long as it is recited after Pelag Ha'minha. The Mishna Berura (Rav Yisrael Meir Kagan of Radin, 1839-1933) adds a crucially important point, noting that one must ensure not recite both Minha and Arbit in an inherently self-contradictory manner. If one recites both Minha and Arbit within the period between Pelag Ha'minha and sundown, then he is following neither Rabbi Yehuda nor the majority opinion. According to Rabbi Yehuda, he is reciting Minha later the final time for Minha, and according to the majority opinion, he is reciting Arbit before the earliest time for Arbit. Therefore, one who wishes to recite Arbit before sundown must ensure to recite Minha that day before Pelag Ha'minha. However, many synagogues – including synagogues in our community – have the practice of reciting both Minha and Arbit within the period between Pelag Ha'minha and sunset. This practice is based upon the custom mentioned by the Magen Abraham (Rav Abraham Gombiner, 1633-1683), who explains (233:6) that a synagogue is allowed to recite both prayers within this period, due to the concern that people would not return to the synagogue for Arbit. Since people might not return after sundown for Arbit, a special dispensation was made for congregations allowing them to recite both Minha and Arbit between Pelag Ha'minha and sundown, despite the inherent contradiction of such a practice. Significantly, Rav Yisrael Yaakov Algazi (Turkey-Jerusalem, 1680-1757), in his work Shalmeh Sibur, writes that this was the practice of the Arizal (Rav Yishak Luria, Safed, 1534-1572). This custom was also observed in Baghdad, as mentioned by the Ben Ish Hai (Rav Yosef Haim, 1833-1909), in Parashat Vayakhel (Shana Alef, 7). It must be emphasized, however, that this practice is acceptable only when praying together with a Minyan. If one prays privately, and he wishes to recite Arbit before sundown, he must ensure to recite Minha before Pelag Ha'miha. The Ben Ish Hai makes an exception for women, who, due to their obligations in the home, are very busy and thus less flexible when it comes to their prayer schedule. Just as Halacha permits a congregation to recite both Minha and Arbit in the period between Pelag Ha'minha and sunset due to the difficulty involved in forcing the congregants to return after sundown, the Ben Ish Hai similarly permits women to recite both prayers during this period. There is some discussion as to whether there is perhaps greater room for leniency on Friday afternoon. The Shulhan Aruch, who – as we saw earlier – generally discourages reciting Arbit before sunset, writes (267:2) that it is permissible to recite Arbit earlier on Friday night. The Magen Abraham explains this ruling based on the Gemara's teaching that the evening Arbit prayer corresponds to the placing of animal sacrifices on the altar in the Bet Ha'mikdash. Although no sacrifices were slaughtered in the Bet Ha'mikdash at night, the sacrifices which had been slaughtered during the day would be placed on the altar at night to be burned, and our evening Arbit service corresponds to that stage of the sacrificial offerings. On Friday night, however, it was forbidden in the Bet Ha'mikdash to place on the altar the sacrifices which had been slaughtered on Friday; this had to be done before sundown. Correspondingly, the Magen Abraham explains, we recite Arbit earlier on Friday evening than we do during the week. Would there be greater room for leniency on Friday according to our custom, which permits reciting Arbit before sundown even during the week, but requires when praying privately not to recite both Minha and Arbit in the period between Pelag Ha'minha and sunset? A number of Poskim cite the Peneh Yehoshua (Rav Yaakov Yehoshua Falk, Germany, 1680-1756) as claiming that one may, indeed, be lenient on Friday night, and recite both Minha and Arbit during this period, even when praying in private. He contends that on Friday night, once one accepts Shabbat, he establishes that Halachic "night" has begun. And thus, even if one recited Minha after Pelag Ha'minha, following the majority view, by accepting Shabbat he begins the nighttime even though the sun has not set, even according to the majority view. The Peneh Yehoshua's position is cited by the Magen Abraham, who writes that one should not rely on this leniency. However, the Aruch Ha'shulhan (Rav Yechiel Michel Epstein of Nevarduk, 1829-1908) writes (233:3) that one may, indeed, rely on this view, and recite Minha and Arbit between the period of Pelag Ha'minha and sundown on Friday night, even when praying privately. In practice, one should not rely on this leniency, and so if one prays privately, and he wishes to recite Arbit before sundown, even on Friday night, then he must recite Minha before Pelag Ha'minha. Rav Yisrael Bitan (contemporary) writes that an exception may be made if one forgot on Friday to recite Minha before Pelag Ha'minha, and forcing his family to wait for him to recite Arbit after sundown would cause a great deal of inconvenience, and thus compromise Shalom Bayit (marital harmony). In the summertime, waiting until sundown to recite Arbit on Friday night means delaying the meal until a very late hour, which could make the family unhappy, and therefore, in the interest in maintaining peace and joy in the home, one may rely on the Aruch Ha'shulhan's ruling if he forgot to recite Minha before Pelag Ha'minha on Friday. It must be emphasized that even though Arbit may be recited early, as discussed, the Torah obligation to recite the nighttime Shema may be fulfilled only after Set Ha'kochabim (nightfall), defined as either 72 minutes after sundown (according to Rabbenu Tam) or 40 minutes after sundown (according to the Geonim). Therefore, even when one is allowed to recite Arbit early, he must remember to repeat Shema later at night, after dark. This applies as well to Sefirat Ha'omer. Summary: According to our community's custom, one may, if he so wishes, recite Arbit before sundown, as early as Pelag Ha'minha. However, if one is praying privately, and he wishes to recite Arbit before sundown, he must ensure to recite Minha before Pelag Ha'minha. This is in contrast to a Minyan, which is permitted to recite both Minha and Arbit in between Pelag Ha'miha and sunset. Women may also recite Minha and Arbit within this period, if their schedules do not allow reciting Minha before Pelag Ha'minha. On Friday, if a man is praying privately and he forgot to recite Minha before Pelag Ha'minha, he may recite Arbit before sundown if waiting until sundown to begin Arbit would cause his family great inconvenience. It must be emphasized that if one recites Arbit before Set Ha'kochabim (nightfall), he must repeat Keriat Shema (and count the Omer) after Set Ha'kochabim.

Does the Misva of Kibud Ab Va'em – honoring parents – require a grown child to live near his parents so he can care for them, or simply because they want to be near him? Or is one allowed to live wherever he pleases, regardless of his parents' preference? Numerous sources indicate that one must, indeed, live near his parents. The Gemara comments that Yaakob Abinu was punished for the years he spent away from his parents, Yishak and Ribka, clearly implying that one must live near his parents so he can fulfill the Misva of Kibud Ab Va'em. The Maharil (Rav Yaakob Halevi Mollin, Germany, 1365-1427), as recorded in his "Likkutim," ruled explicitly that a person should live near his parents (listen to audio recording for precise citation). Some inferred this ruling from the comments of the Rambam (Rabbi Moshe Maimonides, Spain-Egypt, 1135-1204), who writes that if a person's parent became senile, then the son should move somewhere else – implying that under normal circumstances one should live near his parents. Furthermore, the Sefer Ha'hasidim (by Rabbenu Yehuda Ha'hasid, Germany, 1150-1217) writes that if one's parents instruct him not to get married, because they are afraid that he would then move away, he should not listen to them; rather, he should get married and live with or near his parents. Once again, we see that if the parents want their child to live near them, then he should accede to their wishes. The Midrashic volume Yalkut Reubeni similarly comments, "It is an honor for a parent to live near his children." This is also the position of the Aruch Ha'shulhan (Rav Yehiel Michel Epstein of Nevarduk, 1829-1908), who writes that a person does not have to accede to his parents' demand that he not go away from town to learn Torah. The Gemara writes that Yaakob was not punished for the years he spent away from home learning in the yeshiva of Shem and Eber, thus demonstrating that one may leave his parents' town – even against their wishes – for the purpose of learning Torah. Otherwise, however, one must remain near his parents. This is, indeed, the Halacha. Just as one must acquire Tefillin so he can fulfill the Misva of Tefillin each day, similarly, one must ensure to live near his parents so he can fulfill the important Torah obligation of Kibud Ab Va'em. Even if the parents do not need their child to care for them, nevertheless, if they want him to live near them, he should accede to their wishes. There are, however, several important exceptions to this rule. The Aruch Ha'shulhan rules that if one needs to move away for purposes of earning a living – meaning, his job requires him to relocate – then he may move away even against his parents' wishes. Furthermore, if living near one's parents may threaten his Shalom Bayit (peace in the home), such as if they will meddle in his personal affairs and interfere with his marriage, then he may move away. Certainly, if there are no suitable options for one's children's Jewish education in the area where his parents live, then he may move elsewhere for the sake of his children's education. And, it goes without saying that if the parents approve of their child's decision to move away, then he is permitted to do so. Summary: The Misva of honoring parents requires a person to live near his parents, unless they do not mind if he lives elsewhere, or if he must live somewhere else for reasons such as work or his children's education, or if he fears his parents may interfere with his marriage.

A well-known Halacha establishes that the mourning period after the death of a parent, Heaven forbid, extends for twelve months, whereas for other immediate relatives one observes mourning for only thirty days. There are two possible reasons for why Halacha requires a longer mourning period for a parent. One possibility is that this requirement stems from the Torah command of "Kabed Et Abicha Ve'et Imecha" – honoring parents. As part of the general obligation to show respect to parents, one is required to observe a special period of mourning for a deceased parent, which is longer than the period of Abelut (mourning) for other family members. Alternatively, however, one could suggest that the extended period of Abelut has nothing at all to do with the Misva of honoring parents. Rather, mourning is a function of closeness, and thus the extended period of mourning for a parent is a natural result of the special closeness that a child feels for his or her parent. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein (Russia-New York, 1895-1986), in his Iggerot Moshe (Yoreh De'a 255), notes the practical difference between these two perspectives on the extended period of mourning. Generally, once a woman gets married, her responsibility to her husband takes precedence over her obligation to honor her parents. If a husband makes a request of his wife that is in opposition to the wishes of her parents, she should obey his request despite her parents' objection. Therefore, if we view the twelve-month mourning period as an application of "Kabed Et Abicha Ve'et Imecha," then it would not take precedence over a wife's obligations to her husband. For example, if a husband is attending a function such as a dinner or a wedding, and he wants his wife – who is within the twelve-month mourning period – to join him, she should attend the function, according to this approach. Even though the restrictions of Abelut generally forbid her attendance at such a function, her responsibility to her husband supersedes her requirement to honor her parents by observing this period of mourning. If, however, we view the twelve-month period of mourning as simply a function of the closeness of the parent-child relationship, which affects the obligation of Abelut irrespective of the Misva of honoring parents, then the husband's wishes have no effect upon a wife's observance of Abelut. The husband has no right to force his wife to violate the requirements of Abelut, and she would thus be forbidden to attend the affair, despite his insistence. Rabbi Feinstein writes that since he has not seen this Halacha discussed explicitly in any Halachic source, he cannot definitively rule on the issue. He thus concludes that a husband should not insist that his wife join him at a function during her period of Abelut, but if their Shalom Bayit (marital harmony) will be adversely affected by her not attending, then she may. Since this issue cannot be definitively determined one way or the other, the wife should not attend, but there is room to be lenient in the interest of avoiding marital strife. This is also the ruling of Hacham Ovadia Yosef, in Yalkut Yosef (listen to audio recording for precise citation). Summary: During the twelve months after a parent's death, Heaven forbid, it is forbidden to attend a festive event, even if one's spouse wishes that he or she attend. If, however, this might affect the couple's Shalom Bayit, the mourner may attend the affair.

One of the greatest ways to get chizuk to work on shalom bayit is to know that our spouse was given to us by Hashem and only by Hashem. Like Chazal have taught us, מה' אישה לאיש . The Ra'avad writes in his sefer Ba'aleh HaNefesh how wondrous the ways of Hashem are. A husband and wife actually share the same neshama that was split into two and then reunited when they got married. Our spouse is actually a piece of ourselves. We have no idea of all the calculations of Hashem as to why each spouse has to be exactly the way they are to help the other fulfill his purpose here. But we trust that Hashem gives everyone exactly who they need. Rabbi Moshe Shuchatowitz met with the Steipler numerous times seeking guidance to help people with their marriages. On one occasion, the Steipler told him, “You must know that any couple that stood together under the chupa has a chazakah , that it was for their best, not only for the Next World, but for this world as well.” Which means they are able to bring each other the most happiness in this world, besides helping each other attain the Next World. The Steipler continued, “If it doesn't seem to look like that, look again.” Then, after a moment of silence, the Rabbi repeated it in a louder voice, “If it still doesn't look like that, look again.” He continued doing this, louder and louder each time, until he said it ten times. Rabbi Moshe said he was shaken from that experience, but the message was clear. Even if it seems that a couple got married mistakenly, look deeper. There are no mistakes. The Rabbi used that chizuk to save the marriages of dozens of couples. He pointed out, this doesn't mean that a relationship can't reach a state which requires divorce. That happens when there is no other choice. Just to give you one example of how deep the calculations of Hashem extend. A young avreich , who was married for just a couple of months, once went to Rabbi Moshe Shuchatowitz, telling him he wanted a divorce because he felt that his marriage was a clear mistake, and he was intentionally deceived by the shadchan . This young avreich was an exceptional Torah scholar, who had a uniquely strong sensitivity to truth. In addition, he hated falsehood with all his heart, and simply couldn't exist in its proximity. When he was ready to look for a wife, everyone knew he needed a young lady who also valued truth and hated falsehood. He thought his wife fit that bill, but within the first few months of marriage, he caught her lying three times, and said he was unable to continue with the marriage. Rabbi Moshe tried to get him to change his mind, but to no avail. So he took him to the Steipler, before he would agree to allow him to give a get . When they entered the Rabbi's room, before they even opened their mouths,, the Steipler asked this young man if he had any unique qualities. The young man didn't know what to say. The Steipler persisted, “Say the truth.” Without much choice, the young man admitted he had a unique attribute of truth, and provided several examples which illustrated his special gift. The Steipler then asked him what he thought they think of him in Heaven. He didn't know what to say, so he just said, he knows the seal of Hashem is truth, and Hashem values truth very much. The Steipler then looked at this young man and yelled, “In the eyes of Heaven, you're a murderer!” The young man almost fainted on the spot. The Steipler explained, he killed himself, his wife, as well as both of their families in spirit already. And in the future, he'll also kill someone physically. The Rabbi explained further, “You must understand that the quality of truth within your neshama is unique, and such a soul is only sent to this world once every few generations. However, there's one problem. Complete truth can't exist in a world of falsehood. If such a neshama would be faced with the disgusting falsehood of this world, it would not be able to hold itself back from killing somebody. The only way for such a neshama to enter this world would be if it had a small amount of falsehood associated with it. “Therefore, before your neshama was sent to this world, there was a judgment in Heaven to determine if they should add a little falsehood to your part of the neshama or to your wife's. They asked you, and you chose to place the deficiency in your wife and committed to live with her in peace. And now you're asking for a divorce? She is the one that's going to prevent you from killing. Without her, your virtue of truth will turn into a destructive attribute. You think this is your Gehinom , but in truth it's your Gan Eden .” The trembling young avreich heeded the Steipler's words and humbly went to appease his wife. There's so much that we can't see and don't know. Hashem makes marriages, and we should always keep that in mind and try to maintain them as best as possible.

This morning we adjudicate the priority of Shabbat candles over Chanukah Menorah, and use this day as an annual reminder of the importance of Shalom Bayit (harmony and respect within the family). We gain assistance from Jancee Dunn, who gives us a list of counter-productive phrases that therapists wish couples would never use. Michael Whitman is the senior rabbi of ADATH Congregation in Hampstead, Quebec, and an adjunct professor at McGill University Faculty of Law. ADATH is a modern orthodox synagogue community in suburban Montreal, providing Judaism for the next generation. We take great pleasure in welcoming everyone with a warm smile, while sharing inspiration through prayer, study, and friendship. Rabbi Whitman shares his thoughts and inspirations through online lectures and shiurim, which are available on: YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5FLcsC6xz5TmkirT1qObkA Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adathmichael/ Podcast - Mining the Riches of the Parsha: Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/mining-the-riches-of-the-parsha/id1479615142?fbclid=IwAR1c6YygRR6pvAKFvEmMGCcs0Y6hpmK8tXzPinbum8drqw2zLIo7c9SR-jc Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3hWYhCG5GR8zygw4ZNsSmO Please contact Rabbi Whitman (rabbi@adath.ca) with any questions or feedback, or to receive a daily email, "Study with Rabbi Whitman Today," with current and past insights for that day, video, and audio, all in one short email sent directly to your inbox.

Halacha requires lighting candles in the home before the onset on Shabbat every Friday. The Sages enacted this obligation in order to ensure the presence of "Shalom Bayit" – a sense of serenity in the home – on Shabbat. Without light, people are generally tense and anxious; the presence of light brings a feeling of calm, contentment and tranquility which characterizes the desired atmosphere we are to create in the home on Shabbat. The Shabbat candles should be lit by the woman, who recites a Beracha either just before or just after lighting the candles. It should be noted, as an aside, that both practices are acceptable. The Ben Ish Hai (Rav Yosef Haim of Baghdad, 1833-1909) rules that one should light and then recite the Beracha, whereas from the Shulhan Aruch it appears that one should recite the Beracha before lighting. Hacham Ovadia Yosef follows the Shulhan Aruch's position, as did Hacham Ben Sion Abba Shaul (Israel, 1923-1998), though Hacham Ben Sion added that a woman whose mother followed the Ben Ish Hai's position should continue that practice. An interesting question arises concerning the status of electric lights with respect to this obligation. Since the purpose of this Misva is to provide light in the home, can one fulfill the obligation by turning on the electric lights in his home? Moreover, if one's home is already illuminated, how can he recite the Beracha over the lighting of the candles, which contributes a negligible amount of light to the home? Hacham Ben Sion, in his work Or Le'sion (vol. 3, p. 189, and vol. 2, 18:13), writes that one does not fulfill the obligation of Shabbat candles with electric lights because the "fuel" is not present at the time of lighting. When a person lights a candle, all the wax or oil needed to sustain the flame is already present. An electric lamp, however, is sustained by the electric current that is constantly being fed into the lamp. Since that current is not present at the time of lighting, one cannot use such a light for this obligation. Hacham Ben Sion contends that this would be analogous to an oil lamp that has just several drops of oil, and into which one slowly pours oil drop by drop. Clearly, one cannot recite the Beracha over lighting in such a fashion, since the fuel needed to sustain the flame for the required period is not already present. Likewise, according to Hacham Ben Sion, one cannot fulfill the obligation of Shabbat candles with an electric light. By the same token, one may recite a Beracha when lighting candles in a room that already has illumination from electric lights. Since those lights are not suitable for the obligation of Shabbat candles, the candles are needed for the fulfillment of the Misva, thus warranting a Beracha. Of course, if we follow this rationale, we would allow using a battery-operated light for this Misva. As Hacham Ben Sion notes, in the case of a battery-operated light all the power is already contained in the mechanism, and it would therefore suffice for the obligation of Shabbat candle lighting. By extension, then, if one has battery-operated lighting in his home, he should extinguish those lights before kindling the Shabbat lights. Hacham Ovadia Yosef, in his work Yabia Omer (vol. 9), disagrees, and rules that in principle, one can, in fact, fulfill the obligation with electric lights. Since when all is said and done electric lights have the effect of providing illumination, they suffice for this Misva regardless of the fact that the source of power is not currently present. This ruling has numerous ramifications. For example, if a person spends Shabbat in a hotel or hospital, where he is not permitted to kindle a flame, he may turn on an electric light before Shabbat in fulfillment of the obligation to light Shabbat candles. (Rav Aharon Kotler is likewise reported to have taken this position.) Similarly, if a person spends Shabbat in somebody else's home, and is given a room to which he has exclusive access, he may turn on a closet or bathroom light to fulfill the obligation of Shabbat candles. Summary: Different views exist as to the status of electric lights with regard to the obligation of Shabbat candles. Whereas Hacham Ovadia Yosef maintained that one may, in fact, fulfill his obligation with electric lights, Hacham Ben Sion Abba Shaul held that one may not fulfill the obligation with electric lights, unless they are battery-operated.

The obligation of Hadlakat Nerot, the Ereb Shabbat candle lighting, requires lighting at least one candle, but it is customary for women to light two candles. The most common reason given for this practice is that the two candles correspond to the two commands of "Zachor" and "Shamor" ("remembering" and "observing" the Shabbat). Additionally, the Ben Ish Hai (Rav Yosef Haim of Baghdad, 1833-1909) explained that this practice alludes to the theme of Shalom Bayit (peaceful relations between husband and wife) which underlies the Misva of Hadlakat Nerot. The Sages comment that candle lighting is required with the onset of Shabbat because the presence of light helps ensure Shalom Bayit, as darkness often leads to tension and arguments. Lights must be kindled in the home before Shabbat begins so that an aura of peace and tranquility will pervade the home. This concept, the Ben Ish Hai notes, is alluded to in the two candles that the woman lights. The Hebrew word "Ner" ("candle") has the numerical value of 250, and thus two candles have a combined numerical value of 500. There are 248 "Ebarim" (limbs and organs) in a man's body, and 252 in a woman's body, which together combine to form a total of 500. Thus, the lighting of two candles alludes to the "togetherness" of the husband and wife, which is represented by the number 500, and which constitutes the fundamental reason behind the Misva of the Shabbat candles. The time of lighting the Shabbat candles is an "Et Rason," a moment when a woman's prayers are more readily accepted by God. It is therefore proper for a woman when lighting the Shabbat candles to offer a prayer for Shalom Bayit, for her husband's success in earning a living, and for the well-being of her children, particularly that they should grow to become Torah scholars. The custom among the Sepharadim is that only the mother lights the Shabbat candles; single daughters do not light according to our custom. If the mother is away for Shabbat, such as if she had a baby and must spend Shabbat in the hospital, then the husband should light the Shabbat candles in her stead. He recites the usual Beracha of "Le'hadlik Ner Shel Shabbat." If both parents are away for Shabbat and their children remain home, and among the children is a daughter above the age of Bat Misva, then she should light the Shabbat candles in the home with a Beracha. Hacham Ovadia Yosef rules that a daughter above the age of Bat Misva takes precedence over a son over the age of Bar Misva, even if the boy is older than the girl. If there is no girl over the age of Bat Misva, then a boy who is over the age of Bar Misva should light the candles, with a Beracha. Of course, the parents must light Shabbat candles in the place where they spend Shabbat. But if they have children staying at home for Shabbat, then either a son or a daughter must light the Shabbat candles, as discussed. Summary: It is customary for women to light two candles before the onset of Shabbat, and the time of Shabbat candle lighting is a time especially suited for praying for the well-being of oneself, one's husband and one's children. If the mother is away for Shabbat, then the husband lights the Shabbat candles. If both parents are away for Shabbat but the children remain home, then the candles should be lit by a girl above the age of Bat Misva. If there is no girl this age, then a boy above the age of Bar Misva should light the candles.

We learn together with Zevi Shtender 2 important Toras from Rebbe Nachman Ben Faiga Zya, about finding our soulmate even when married and focusing on people's good points including our own... Please keep

In addition, you work hard to find parnasa, and Shalom Bayit brings parnasa. Sometimes, these may seem to be insignificant and small matters, but they are the true test of whether you are a chasid. https://www.torahrecordings.com/rebbe/igroskodesh/012/002/3897

Ouman Roch Hachana - Shalom Bayit Ouman à tout prix Rav Ovadia Quoi faire by Rav David Touitou

*** This Halacha deals with topic of Yichud. Yichud is the concept that a man may not be secluded with a forbidden woman. Please read all the Halachot on this topic as there are conditions and exclusions that must be fully understood before accepting Lema'ase. ***There is a question asked in regards to the law of Yichud. Yichud is the rule that prohibits man from being secluded with forbidden women. So the question that we deal with today is regarding a married woman who is Needah. A married woman who is Needah is considered forbidden. So since she is forbidden, that how is it possible for a fellow to live with his wife while she is Needah? It's a restriction whereby the punishment for transgressing this rule is Karet. So is there an exemption for a husband to live with his wife when she is Needah?It sounds like a radical question, but the Gemara actually discusses it in Sanhedrin. There, the Gemara refers to a Pasuk in Shir Hashirim, which states, ‘Suga BaShoshanim.' Literally, this means a ‘Fence of Roses'. The Gemara comes to teach us that in this case of a married couple, that it is enough to build a mild fence rather than a strong fence. The mild fence corresponds to a fence of roses, meaning that it is enough for Jewish couples to realize the prohibition while the wife is Needah, and as such to remain apart. There is no need to build a strong fence, meaning a physical separation. Since Halacha says to refrain from interaction, so therefore we presume that married couples will abide and adhere. The Halacha serves as the fence.The Tosafot (basic commentary by many scholars throughout the 12th and 13th centuries) explains the logic. Since the wife is only temporarily forbidden, so then why would they make a transgression if they can just wait a week or two when she becomes permissible? We know that in the case of other women who are not the wife, they can never become permissible, and it is therefore always forbidden for the man to be secluded with them. But in this situation of husband and wife, the Needah situation is temporary. Therefore, it is permissible for husband and wife to remain together in the house while she is Needah.The Rosh, (Rav Asher ben Yechiel 1250-1327) brings a different reason. It's worthy to hear his language. [Listen to the audio clip for the exact quote.] He writes that it is too difficult for the husband and wife to be parted. What are you going to tell the husband and wife? Are you going to tell him or her to move out of the house every month for 2 weeks? Of course not. So the Rosh says that the Chachamim were lenient on this subject because the alternatives are just too difficult.So the question was asked in Halacha about, G-d forbid, a married couple who have decided to get divorced, where they are already going through the paperwork and the litigation to finalize a Gittin, and in the interim she does not go to the Mikveh for the divorce is at hand and there is no hope. There is no chance they are going to reconcile, and they already went to the Shalom Bayit counselors and to the Rabbis, and unfortunately it's hopeless on both sides. So the question was asked if they are allowed to live together in the same house. On this, the Halacha says that even though technically they are still married, but since they are planning to divorce and since she did not go to the Mikveh, therefore they may NOT live together. One of them has to move out. However, in a case where there is still a chance for reconciliation, where they are talking to the Chachamim and to counselors, and as long as she goes to the Mikveh, then it is permissible for them to remain in the same home.

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Live Marriage Class Dinner - Shalom Bayit - Enjoying a Healthy, Happy, and Holy Relationship in Today's World

We mentioned the Chazal that marriages are min haShamayim and it is incumbent upon us to try our very best to make them work. During the process of trying to improve, how should one react when things don't go the way he likes? If one spouse says something hurtful to the other, the first Ani Ma'amin tells us to believe that it didn't come from him. Hashem wanted us to be the recipient of that comment, and this spouse was just His shaliach in getting it done. It is impossible for another person to hurt us if it was not decreed by Hashem. If a man comes home and dinner is not ready, his first thought should be, ‘Hashem didn't want me to come home to a house ready for dinner'. His wife was not in charge of that, Hashem was. If a man tells his wife he will be home by a certain time but ends up coming home much later than he said, the wife has to know, she did not wait one extra second that Hashem did not want her to wait. If she wasn't meant to wait that time, her husband would have been there on time. It is obvious that each spouse has to do their best to act responsibly and not be negligent and say “That was Hashem,” but if it does turn out that one spouse feels a certain amount of pain or worry, it is only because it was first decreed in Shamayim that that painful or worrisome situation had to be. Imagine the following scenario: A man calls his wife and tells her he has a meeting to attend that evening and is coming home much earlier than usual, with just enough time to eat. He makes a special request that she have everything ready at that earlier time. Then, that late afternoon, he gets home at the time he said and sees his wife on the couch, talking on the phone, without anything cooking on the stove or in the oven. If this husband believes that Hashem runs the world and nobody could cause him any anguish other than Him, then his reaction would be to whisper to Hashem, “I know I have sins and I know I need kapara . Thank You for giving me the kapara that I need. I'll try to be better going forward.” If he really needs to say something to his wife, he can say, “I believe b'emunah shelemah that Hashem did not want me to have dinner tonight. I just want to know more about His ways and learn how He caused this to come about even after we made up that dinner should be ready now.” She will then explain how she got delayed and how the phone call that she was on was extremely important, or how something came up in the middle of the day that made her completely forget about what they spoke about. The husband should then say to her, “Wow, that was all min haShamayim just because I needed this small kapara .” Someone who reacts like this is a real ma'amin . It is not just the buyer or the boss at work that are messengers of Hashem, a person's spouse, too, is a messenger of Hashem. Sometimes we may think we have it all figured out, but then it hits us like a ton of bricks, we forgot to include the most important detail of all. This can be illustrated with the following story. A rabbi who was a very dynamic speaker, who attracted people from all walks of life, said that on one occasion, a completely unaffiliated Jew attended his class to hear what everybody was talking about. After the speech, this man went over to the rabbi and said, “Rabbi, the class was amazing. I understood every point. There was just one phrase that you kept repeating that I didn't get. Please tell me, what do the words ‘ HaKadosh Baruch Hu ' mean?” If we don't realize that Hashem is involved in everything that happens in our lives, including what goes on in our homes, then we are missing the most important detail of all. The more we remember Hashem in our shalom bayit , the better our shalom bayit will be.

We all know whatever happens to a person is always m'et Hashem. Even when it seems like people use their free will to do things that affect us, the Sefer HaChinuch in mitzvah 241, as well as the Chovot HaLevavot in the Shaar HaBitachon , both write that people have no control over other people's lives. Whatever they do is ultimately coming from Hashem. The sefer HaBeit Yehudi writes, a person could say he believes b'emunah shelema that everything in his life comes from Hashem, and he accepts everything that Hashem does with love, yet when it comes to something so fundamental, like his spouse, it doesn't even enter his mind that she is also from Hashem. And even if he does believe that, he doesn't accept it with love. We have heard people experiencing shalom bayit problems saying too often, about their spouse, “I deserve better,” or “I can't handle this anymore.” They look back at their decision to marry this person and make different excuses of why it was the wrong decision. They may say, “My parents pushed me into it,” or “I was blinded by certain factors,” or “I was tricked by the shadchan ,” and the list goes on. When it comes to marriage, the Gemara says, there are proofs from the Torah, from the Nevi'im and from the Ketuvim that מה' אשה לאיש – marriages are made only by Hashem. If when it comes to something like someone taking our parnasa or hurting our feelings, we are obligated to say, “It wasn't them, it was Hashem.” How much more so when it comes to shidduchim . Shadchanim don't make marriages; parents don't make marriages; it is only Hashem who makes marriages. And every single person gets the spouse that Hashem chose for them based on their purpose in this world. And therefore, even if a marriage is not going the way a person planned, it does not mean that he married the wrong person, and it does not mean that he should stop trying to make it work. He is supposed to say, “I accept, Hashem, that this is the marriage that you want me to have, and I am going to do my best to make it work.” The real understanding of the words shalom bayit is אני משלים עם הבית שהקב"ה נתן לי – I accept with happiness the will of Hashem to live in this house with this spouse that Hashem gave me. It is definitely much easier for a person to admit that a lost business deal came from Hashem, or even that a broken limb came from Hashem, but to say that his marriage is from Hashem is very difficult. Yet, it is basic emunah. מה' אישה לאיש . This does not mean that a person has to suffer in marriage. If there are problems, whatever happened until now was part of a larger plan, but going forward, a person is encouraged to make his best hishtadlut to work things out so that the marriage will bring happiness, whether that means going for counseling, learning more about the subject of shalom bayit , acting in a nicer way, or whatever it may be. This is strongly encouraged. But the first step to making a marriage work is to recognize that it was brought about by Hashem and only Hashem, and no other people are to blame. It is Hashem who wants us to put in all the efforts into making it work. And if we view this as an avodat Hashem, it will be easier to accomplish. And if we believe it is what Hashem wants for us, it will be easier for us to accept. May Hashem help us do His will and make our marriages into the best marriages possible.

The physical Mishkan had a set structure of how things are done. Our peronal mishkan - in our hearts, homes and school - is much different!

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Elana Mizrahi is a Stanford graduate who is an international speaker and integrative women's health practitioner. She is also a certified facilitator for Shalom Bayit, a Jewish women's domestic violence organization, that specializes in birth and fertility related trauma. She covers a wide array of subjects in women's health and takes a holistic approach to the struggles women are faced with daily. She is also a massage therapist and practices The Arvigo Techniques of Maya Abdominal Therapy, which aims to help fertility and aid in the health of reproductive organs by restoring the biochemical balance in the body. She is the author of Dancing Through Life in which she shares some of her personal experiences as a Jewish woman.   In today's episode, host Shay Beider talks with Elana on her personal struggles with fertility, which led her to re-evaluate her practices in a more holistic manner. She shares her experience as a birth doula, and the power behind finding the strength of the female body during the birthing process. Elana explains the importance of female self care, particularly in the postpartum period. She touches on postpartum depression and anxiety, as well as, the importance of normalizing conversations surrounding childbirth.    Transcripts for this episode are available at: https://www.integrativetouch.org/conversations-on-healing    Show Notes: Learn more about Shalom Bayit here Ancient Mayan healing at Arvigo Institute Check out Elana's website here Read her novel, Dancing Through Life  This podcast was created by Integrative Touch, which is working to change the way people experience healthcare. A leader in the field of pediatric integrative medicine, the organization supports families whose children have any type of special health or medical need. This includes kids with cancers, genetic conditions, autism, cerebral palsy, traumatic stress, and other serious health issues. The founder, Shay Beider, pioneered a new therapy called Integrative Touch™Therapy that supports healing from trauma and serious illness. The organization reaches thousands of people each year in hospitals and communities and offers unique Telehealth programs to families and healthcare providers during this challenging time. Thanks to the incredible support of volunteers and contributors, individuals are able to receive wellness education and integrative medical services at little or no cost

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