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Shā Sparks' midlife transformation was about breaking free—from toxic relationships, self-doubt, and the need for closure. After years in an abusive relationship, she realized she didn't need answers or closure to heal—she just needed to walk away. Letting go of the “why” allowed her to move forward and build a life rooted in self-worth rather than past wounds. A big part of that journey was changing her self-talk—shifting from harsh self-judgment to a more compassionate view. Now, in her 40s, she's thriving. Her story is a reminder that healing isn't about understanding the past—it's about reclaiming your future.Guest Bio As the CEO (Chief Excitement Officer) of Sparks of Fire International, Shā hosts her signature podcast, The Shā Sparks Show and is co-host of UnderWired podcast. She is also a Master Practitioner of NLP, Hypnosis, Reiki, Mental and Emotional Release, a Certified Fearless Living Coach and Trainer, the author of How to Get Your Voice Back, and the Co-Founder of the FIRESTARTERS Project.Turning 40 and Finding Peace Without AnswersAt 16, Shā Sparks found herself at rock bottom—arrested for a DUI and facing the reality of a life shaped by addiction, abuse, and deep emotional wounds. But that moment of humiliation was also the spark that ignited her journey toward healing. In this episode, she shares her incredible story of resilience, the power of breaking cycles, and how she found real love—not just in others, but within herself.Episode Highlights:The defining moment at 16 that changed the trajectory of Sha's life.How childhood trauma shaped her early years and led to self-destructive habits.The pivotal decision to quit drinking at 25—and the surprising catalyst behind it.What kept her stuck in an abusive relationship for 12 years, and what finally set her free.How journaling and gratitude helped her regain control over her life.The profound realization that changed her understanding of love and relationships.Why she believes healing starts with the way we speak to ourselves.Shā's story reminds us that healing isn't about understanding why bad things happened—it's about learning to let go and move forward. If you're struggling to break free from patterns that no longer serve you, this conversation may be the push you need to start rewriting your story.If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to rate, follow, and review The Big Four Oh Podcast! Your support helps us continue bringing you inspiring conversations like this one.
In this episode of "Out of the Box with Christine," host Christine Blosdale engages in an inspiring conversation with renowned author Robin Norwood. Known for her bestselling book "Women Who Love Too Much," Robin shares her journey into podcasting with her new show "Sensationally Silver" and discusses her mission to provide inspiration and validation to those over 60. Robin highlights the importance of gratitude and how starting each day with a thankful heart can transform one's perspective on life. She also delves into the positive aspects of aging, sharing wisdom on embracing freedom and self-acceptance as we grow older. The conversation also touches on Robin's successful hair care line, Sensationally Silver, which serves as a platform for discussing aging gracefully. Don't miss this episode filled with life lessons, the significance of self-care, and the power of gratitude. Tune in to discover how Robin Norwood continues to inspire through her new ventures and timeless wisdom! LINKS MENTIONED: Robin Norwood's Podcast 'Sensationally Silver' - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sensationally-silver-a-state-of-mind/id1752919010 Robin's book, "Women Who Love Too Much" - https://amzn.to/3ANoyHI Robin's Haircare - https://www.sensationallysilver.com Christine's Website - https://www.ChristineBlosdale.com Book a FREE Consultation with Christine - http://www.ChatWithChristineB.com
Sofie read Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood when she was 19 and it changed her life. Will it have the same effect now? Does Abby love too little, enough or too much? Also, a post-recording correction: Akon did the lovely song 'Lonely', not the other lovely song 'F**k it' - that belonged to Eamon. Get your 00s music facts straight, Sofie Hagen. Also this is a special episode because it's been edited by Sofie Hagen. So if it sounds a little different, that's why. Sofie did her very best. This text has also been written by Sofie Hagen. **Also, just a note to say, that as we are recording this episode, we are in summer 2024, which for comedians like Sofie and Abby, means the Edinburgh Fringe!So, this means we'll be releasing one main episode a month during June, July and August and back to the full quota of two main episodes in September. If you think you'll miss your double hit, then why not sign up to our Patreon for three more bonus eps a month AND a seriously great backlog of extra content. MAIN SOURCE Women Who Love Too Much by Robin NorwoodALSO MENTIONEDThe Artist's Way by Julia CameronThe Game by Neil StraussA List of All Our Books HereSubscribe to our Patreon for extra bonus episodes!Help Hole is on Instagram and TikTokSofie is on Instagram, TikTok, Threads, Twitter and FacebookAbby is on Instagram, TikTok and ThreadsBUY SOFIE'S BOOK WILL I EVER HAVE SEX AGAIN? HERE!EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS Sofie Hagen and Abby WambaughPRODUCER Amanda RedmanEDITOR Sofie HagenSPECIAL PRODUCERS Lillie and MamaWambaJINGLE by Nicky ElsonLOGO PHOTO Marie HaldLOGO DESIGN Haiminh Le
On the fourth episode of the Wish Her Luck Podcast, Molly and Elisha journey into the depths of the void as they experience it in their lives. Whether it is a search for meaning or the myriad ways people attempt to fill this void through relationships, friendships, or even material pursuits. Tune in to contemplate the questions that arise along the way while we uncover the complexities of the void and the different paths people take to confront it. Credits to @clownlifeizzi on TikTok, and Robin Norwood's self help book "Women Who Love Too Much" for the inspiration they've given us for this episode.
Today we are honored to have Vera Smirnova as our guest. A resilient individual whose journey from a tumultuous upbringing in Russia to a flourishing career in fashion styling is nothing short of inspiring. Despite facing hardships in her youth, including clashes with family and early encounters with alcohol, Vera excelled academically and immersed herself in dance, art, and chess. Her move to a bigger city at 16 saw her grappling with addiction while working in nightlife, yet her dream of reaching the USA persisted. After overcoming hurdles and living across various countries, a pivotal breakup became the catalyst for her pursuit of freedom and determination. Finally securing a US visa, Vera delved into activities like stripping and social media before discovering her true passion for fashion styling. Today, she stands tall, having found fulfillment and joy in her chosen path.We will be discussing "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood. Get your copy here! (paid link) Amazon - https://amzn.to/475taDt Episode Resources: Vera Smirnova | https://www.instagram.com/iamverasmirnova/Book BFFs - Social Media: Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/bookbffs/Website | https://www.bookbffs.comTikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@book.bffs
In this Stories from the Other Side episode of The Crazy Ex-Wives Club, host Erica Bennett is joined by fellow divorce Ali Yanez. Drawing from their own experiences, Erica and Ali delve into the tendency for women to hold onto emotions during the divorce process, discussing the regrets they themselves have faced. They explore the power of understanding and grace, both towards others and towards oneself, emphasizing the importance of setting clear boundaries and expressing needs in a non-demanding way. They also explore the challenges of blending families, the need for a support system, and the struggles of co-parenting. With their empowering and insightful conversation, Erica and Ali provide valuable guidance and support for anyone navigating the complexities of divorce and post-divorce life. Tune in to this episode for an enlightening discussion on finding happiness, setting boundaries, and healing after divorce. Learn More About This Week's Guest: Ali Yanez This week's book recommendation: Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood The above link is a #paidlink through the Amazon affiliate program. Get Your Crazy Merch: The Crazy Ex-Wives Club Etsy Shop Hop over and check out gifts for yourself and your friends this holiday. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/the-crazy-ex-wives-club/support
Are you ready to leave toxic relationships, make healthy choices and begin focusing on your own self-care, healing, and goals? Tune in as Constance shares how to heal your soul, change your mindset and begin making healthy choices. Constance gives you specific exercises that you can use to begin positioning yourself for love. Listen to Constance' past show by going to https://loaradionetwork.com/constance-arnold
Join hosts Jamie and Sophie as they delve into the world of single mom dating with special guest Evelyn. In this episode, Evelyn shares her personal journey of heartbreak, from growing up in an orphanage in France to navigating the dating scene in Austin. With a mix of humor and vulnerability, she opens up about her most painful heartbreak and how she learned the power of self-love before jumping back into the dating world. Along the way, she shares some outrageous and hilarious dating stories, including one about a guy who had a baby with another woman while dating her. Through it all, Evelyn offers wisdom and insight into the importance of loving oneself first, especially as a single mom. Tune in to this inspiring and uplifting episode of Heartbreak to Healed Find us https://rejectedheartsclub.com/ https://healingsoulspiritualcenter.com/ Book Mention Women Who Love too much by Robin Norwood https://www.amazon.com/Women-Who-Love-Too-Much/dp/1416550216
The Fuzztones were born in the summer of 1980, in the bowels of New York City's Lower East Side. "Alphabet City" to be exact. Rudi Protrudi and Deb O'Nair had moved there from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, five years earlier, with their band Tina Peel . Das Fürlines from New York City, USA were an influential, all-female "punk-polka" band in the mid-1980s, renowned for their rousing performances. Contents 1History 2Members 3Albums 4References 5Further reading 6External links History[edit] Das Fürlines appeared on the US TV shows Entertainment Tonight and Andy Warhol's 15 Minutes in 1985, and released their debut album Das Fürlines Go Hog Wild on their own label, Palooka Records. Their next album, Lost in the Translation (1986), was a lot more contextual than Go Hog Wild. In 1988, they released a concept album, The Angry Years, which was inspired by the self-help book Women Who Love Too Much. They split up acrimoniously in 1988 after a spate of betrayal and infighting during a tour. They released the four-CD compilation Bratwurst, Bierhalls, and Bustiers: The Box Set, which contained various outtakes, B-sides, and rarities. They reformed in 1996 to perform a few benefit concerts to raise money for lead singer Wendy Wild's medical bills. She died of cancer in 1996. Members[edit] · Wendy Wild – vocals, banjo, guitar (b. Wendy Andreiev, August 31, 1956, USA, d. October 26, 1996, New York) · Holly Hemlock – guitar, vocals · Deb O'Nair – keyboards, vocals, accordion · Liz Luv – bass guitar · Rachel Schnitzel – drums, I'll be honest. Deb O'Nair was a famous musician living the life in NYC headlining all the clubs, Mudd Club, while I was going to an office everyday. It was an honor when Deb reached out to me to express interest in discussing the trauma she's dealing with around having been abandoned at birth until she was adopted at 5 months old by her parents. Deb contacted her birth mother about 20 years ago and learned more about her early life after her mother died in 2020. In this session we get some sense of Deb life growing up in a strict catholic home and breaking out, moving to NYC and getting involved in the music business and touring with bands as a young person very much on her own.
From the normalization of unhealthy relationships to the blatant dismissal of racism in the United States, how is it possible to heal in a culture that is plagued by toxicity? These topics and many others are the center of discussion on today's episode. Join your host, Chelsea Cora, and special guest, Dr. Shareece Cannonier, as they highlight what it means to heal in a culture of toxicity. Shareece Cannonier, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist who is passionate about spirituality, psychology, and helping people heal from trauma and toxic relationships. Dr. Cannonier sees clients for psychotherapy and spiritual life coaching through her telehealth practice, Cannonier Psychological Center LLC. She also shares weekly videos about spirituality and life lessons on her Spirit Soul Sense YouTube channel. Dr. Cannonier is a native of St. Croix, USVI and a proud mother of a 14-year-old drummer and Muay Thai student. Dr. Cannonier and her son currently reside in Atlanta, GA.Get in touch with Shareece:Cannonier Psychological Center LLCWebsite: https://www.cannonierpsychologicalcenter.com Email: scannonier@cannonierpsychologicalcenter.comPhone: 678-383-7393Spirit Soul Sense LLCWebsite: https://www.spiritsoulsense.com YouTube: http://youtube.com/c/SpiritSoulSenseEmail: spiritsoulsense@gmail.comSpirit Soul Sense Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/spiritsoulsense/Spirit Soul Sense YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/SpiritSoulSenseResources mentioned: "The Power of Now" by Eckhart TolleGary Zukav"Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood"Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk "Year of Yes" by Shonda Rhimes April Mason Trevor Noah discussing racism in South Africa vs. in the U.S: https://youtu.be/XUuLDkDSJKgPocket Watching with JT: https://www.youtube.com/c/pocketwatchingwithjtrealaccountantreactsFollow The Soulful Self Podcast on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/thesoulfulselfpodcast/Follow Chelsea Cora on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/iamchelseacora/Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/oHJ-EJsHQqU
Dear Sis, Some things are we endure in relationships actually have nothing to do with us. It comes not only from a culture, but from a systemic oppression that's told many people of color that they are not good enough. I can't wait for you to listen to this episode with Shirani. If anything that she says resonates with you, be sure to leave a review and let me know! Shirani's Bio Shirani M. Pathak (she/her) is the founder of the Fierce Authenticity™️ movement, where humans all over the world are learning how to lead from their humanity by recovering from the perfectionism, imposter syndrome, judgment, criticism, and “not enoughs” we've been conditioned to believe living under systems of supremacy. Shirani's work illuminates how these are the ways we've been affected by not 500 years of supremacy culture, but 5,500 years of supremacy since the fall of ancient Sumer. Her goal is to help us heal from the pain and trauma of supremacy culture so that we can live in a world based on love not fear. With over 15 years of experience in the mental health field, Shirani is trained in trauma, interpersonal neurobiology, our nervous system responses, and relationship patterns. She uses her superpower of seeing interpersonal relational patterns to help people break free from the conditioning of internalized supremacy. Shirani's signature framework, Fierce Authenticity™️, is grounded in psychology, science, and spirituality. The practices of Fierce Authenticity™️ includes: Heart Work: Getting into right relationship with ourselves and others, and Somatic Work: Getting into relationship with your body Emerging from the practices of Heart Work and Somatic Work is a New Legacy. A legacy where we are freed from the internalized effects of supremacy, which in turn ripples outward to touch every single person on our planet and create a world without supremacy. One thing that stuck out: You have to start to be comfortable in the things that feels uncomfortable. Topics Covered: Manipulation in relationships The nervous system and past trauma “Women Who Love Too Much” and what we learned from the book Attachment Styles and the nervous system Shirani, what's one piece of advice you would want to give your sisters about supremacy and relationships? Its not you! This is the way the system was designed. Once you know that, it help inform every other action that you take. Where To Find Shirani: Website: www.shiranimpathak.com Instagram: www.instagram.com/shiranimpathak Follow me! Instagram: www.instagram.com/Taccarra_Renee Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/TaccarraRenee E-mail: hello@lettertomysister.com Coaching Would you like to have a discovery call regarding my coaching services? Click here! Journal I've also created a journal for you. Head on over to my Linktree!!
Michelle Anne is a scientist, writer, artistic, anxious, depressed, storytelling curious person. She gets excited about learning more about herself, others, how to communicate effectively, and basically what makes people tick and how it ties into societal norms, transgressions, and changing perspectives. Follow her on Twitter at: MichelleAnnePOV Resources mentioned in the show: Gottman: https://www.gottman.com/blog/3-ways-to-make-a-better-bid-for-connection/ Daily Self Care @drzoeshaw: https://drzoeshaw.com/a-year-of-self-care/ If the Buddha Dated: https://charlottekasl.com/product/if-the-buddha-dated/ Women Who Love Too Much: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/313639/women-who-love-too-much-by-robin-norwood/9781101222416/ Embracing Uncertainty @susanjeffers_feelthefear: http://www.susanjeffers.com/home/detailtemplate.cfm?catID=75 Facebook page and Instagram: Becoming The Cactus IG: @becoming_the_cactus Thank you for the theme music @briank_williams28 BK Williams! Become a monthly supporter of the show at janirad.com/podcast. STFS: Stories of survival, struggle, and everything in between. Jani Rad @janirad.me and Be Fearless You Foundation @befearlessyou (Corilynn Bailey) are co-hosting this minisode series of “WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?” @whatsonyourmindpodcast to bring you a platform where we can all end the stigma around mental health and mental illness together. Conversation is powerful, and together through language and stories - we can Stop the F****** Stigma! As a disclaimer, the stories shared on this platform may include triggering content. Please take care of yourself when listening. We will not be providing advice, therapy, or counseling. That is not the intended purpose of this space. If you are seeking professional advice or need to talk to someone immediately, please connect with a mental health professional or call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255 (TALK). @psych_today @800273talk Additional resources to find BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color) therapists: Asian Mental Health Collective @asianmentalhealthcollective Therapy in Color: The mental health directory for People of Color @therapyincolor_ National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network @nqttcn South Asian Therapists @southasiantherapists
Michelle Anne is a scientist, writer, artistic, anxious, depressed, storytelling curious person. She gets excited about learning more about herself, others, how to communicate effectively, and basically what makes people tick and how it ties into societal norms, transgressions, and changing perspectives. Follow her on Twitter at: MichelleAnnePOV Resources mentioned in the show: Gottman: https://www.gottman.com/blog/3-ways-to-make-a-better-bid-for-connection/ Daily Self Care @drzoeshaw: https://drzoeshaw.com/a-year-of-self-care/ If the Buddha Dated: https://charlottekasl.com/product/if-the-buddha-dated/ Women Who Love Too Much: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/313639/women-who-love-too-much-by-robin-norwood/9781101222416/ Embracing Uncertainty @susanjeffers_feelthefear: http://www.susanjeffers.com/home/detailtemplate.cfm?catID=75 Facebook page and Instagram: Becoming The Cactus IG: @becoming_the_cactus Thank you for the theme music @briank_williams28 BK Williams! Become a monthly supporter of the show at janirad.com/podcast. STFS: Stories of survival, struggle, and everything in between. Jani Rad @janirad.me and Be Fearless You Foundation @befearlessyou (Corilynn Bailey) are co-hosting this minisode series of “WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?” @whatsonyourmindpodcast to bring you a platform where we can all end the stigma around mental health and mental illness together. Conversation is powerful, and together through language and stories - we can Stop the F****** Stigma! As a disclaimer, the stories shared on this platform may include triggering content. Please take care of yourself when listening. We will not be providing advice, therapy, or counseling. That is not the intended purpose of this space. If you are seeking professional advice or need to talk to someone immediately, please connect with a mental health professional or call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255 (TALK). @psych_today @800273talk Additional resources to find BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color) therapists: Asian Mental Health Collective @asianmentalhealthcollective Therapy in Color: The mental health directory for People of Color @therapyincolor_ National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network @nqttcn South Asian Therapists @southasiantherapists
A Navy veteran and registered nurse, Antra Boyd is a patient advocate and owner of Connected Care Patient Advocacy. Her entire life focused on helping people and doing for others. We talk about the battle she won against cancer and how her experience of being a patient led her to starting her own company. Such a great conversation with a very transparent and genuinely nice person. Books that she would recommend are Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood, The Checklist Manifesto by Atul Gawande and The Three Principles by Sydney Banks.
Divorce is always a huge life event with the potential to derail the most stable and serene of us. That potential is even greater when it comes to divorcing a high conflict personality. It's particularly hard to take care of yourself in a high conflict situation, because you may have spent years living with behaviours that have lowered your boundaries and self-esteem. Finding yourself in a codependent marriage is one example. In this episode I share more about codependency and why it matters in divorce. If you found this episode helpful and want to learn more about how I can help you navigate your divorce, head over to my website https://www.emmaheptonstall.com/ or book a 30 minute consultation with me: https://bit.ly/EMMA6MDP To learn more about The Absolute Academy, my private online community for ladies who want to get in control of their divorce, visit http://bit.ly/aadivorce My Amazon #1 bestselling book How To Be a Lady Who Leaves: The Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready is out now in paperback and Kindle version. You can buy it on Amazon or directly from me here: http://howtobealadywholeaves.co.uk/ Other Useful Resources: CoDA UK https://codauk.org/ Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood: http://bit.ly/muchrobin Social Media:Emma Heptonstall @divorcealchemy Content Disclaimer: The information contained above is provided for information purposes only. The contents of this article, video or audio are not intended to amount to advice and you should not rely on any of the contents of this article, video or audio. Professional advice should be obtained before taking or refraining from taking any action as a result of the contents of this article, video or audio. Emma Heptonstall disclaims all liability and responsibility arising from any reliance placed on any of the contents of this article, video or audio. Disclaimer: Some of these links are for products and services offered by the podcast creator.
Krystyna Hutchinson is a stand up comedian, author and Host of Guys We F#cked on Luminary. Today she jonis Chrissie Mayr to talk about how being single these last 9 months has benefitted her immensely with everything from self care to mental health to starting a new podcast that covers it all called "The Voices In Our Head", her short film "Dwell", meditating, microneedling, working out childhood trauma as an adult, setting boundaries, plus- we realize we grew up with similar mother-daughter dynamics. And more! Books mentioned: "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood "The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom" by Don Miguel Ruiz "Feeling Good", "Feeling Great" by David Burns "Becoming Supernatural" by Joe Dispenza Sick of Cigs? Lucy's got you boo. Go to Lucy.co and use the promo code CMP to get 20% off nicotine gum and lozenges. Feeling Sexy? Go to AdamandEve.com and use the promo code CMP to get almost 50% off any item online plus free shipping!
In this episode, you’ll learn:Finding yourself before you can bring spirit and love to your daily life.The importance of formulating strategies to be engaged despite working remotely.How you can be used for the greater good.Viewing relationships from a perspective of self-love.And much more!~About Rev. Ronnie:Rev. Ronnie Roll is an ordained interfaith minister, mediator, is certified in Diversity, Equity & Inclusion, and mom to 2 grown sons and 2 fur children who will never grow up. Rev. Ronnie is quick to say that she’s all about Love, from birth to transformation, helping people celebrate it, rejuvenate it and renew it. Rev. Ronnie's latest venture is to bring Love into the workplace thru diversity, equity and inclusion initiatives with her newly formed company called Spirit At Work.~Resources: Website: https://www.spiritatwork.us/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SpiritAtWork.us Email: ronnieroll621@gmail.comThe Hero’s Journey: https://www.amazon.com/Heros-Journey-Joseph-Campbell-Collected-ebook/dp/B07K5KBWGZ/Women Who Love Too Much: https://www.amazon.com/Women-Who-Love-Too-Much/dp/1416550216/---Connect with Kamie Lehmann!Website: https://www.kamielehmann.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kamie.lehmann.1LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kamie-lehmann-04683473
Domestic violence is a tough topic to discuss, especially in church. It's hard to imagine our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ going through something as traumatic as domestic violence but it happens more than we think. Sometimes, victims, unfortunately, don't survive; however, we are fortunate to have Tamika Sims share her experience with us and how her life has changed as a result. This week, Tamika L. Sims shares with us:what it's been like to be a single mother,how singleness has strengthened her relationship with God,what it was like to go through an abusive relationship,signs to look for if you or a friend are in an abusive relationship,how writing has helped her and others, and more!ResourcesIf you or someone you know is struggling to get out of a domestic violence situation, please know there's help for you!The National Domestic Violence Hotline : 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence has resources for victims and survivors here.Women Who Love Too Much by Robin NorwoodWho Moved My Cheese by Spencer Johnson, M. D.Start with Why by Simon SinekThe Plus Factor by Tamika L. SimsA Life That's Mine by Tamika L. SimsConnect with TamikaInstagram - @getwritewithtamikaInstagram - @tamikalsimsBe sure to share and subscribe to the Keeping It Centered Podcast. Listen each week on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and Pocket Casts. Follow the podcast on Instagram and sign up for the bi-weekly Centered Notes newsletter for devotions and practical tips on how to live a biblically-aligned life as a wife, mom, and difference maker.
Women in Business: Inspirational Stories of Women Entrepreneurs
Building a successful multi-million dollar business takes a lot of self-discovery and determination. Today’s guest, Brooke Castillo, started her career as a life coach 14 years ago and has since built a mega-successful and well-known school where she trains life coaches. But getting to this point hasn’t been without its challenges. When Brooke was a child, she wanted to be a teacher because she loved the thought of helping shape young people’s lives. As she grew older, going through some traumatic life experiences, and reading the inspiring Women Who Love Too Much, she decided to study psychology. Her psychology degree led her to a career, which in turn led her to discover life coaching, way before it was a popular subject. Brooke knew she found her true path when it felt like everything was falling into place. She was able to stay home to look after her growing children while still building her small empire as a life coach. But she also knew she had to expand her business if she wanted to be even more successful. When Brooke’s husband joined the business as her partner, the dynamic in their relationship changed. Especially as men are more often viewed as being the “breadwinner,” so to speak, to join a successful female-led business was a challenge, but one they both accepted and worked through together. For the past 7 years, together they have built The Life Coach School into what it is today. Building and managing a team is so different from being a one-woman show, and transitioning into this role presented Brooke with an opportunity to grow. She finds relief to any challenges she’s faced with the help of a confidential sounding board and group of women who support each other. Brooke has learned that in marketing, it’s so important to use trial and error to find what works for you and your business. She’s also discovered that in order to grow a business at a rapid rate, you need to plug almost all of your profits into marketing… which might sound counter-intuitive, but it works. Have you been thinking of transitioning from a solopreneur to entrepreneur? What challenges have you faced when working with your romantic partner? Do you have a marketing budget to help grow your business? In This Episode: How reading can open your eyes to career possibilities you previously never considered What if feels like to find your true calling How you can balance working on your own business while raising your children How transitioning to business partners affects your personal relationships What impact feminism has on having a male business partner What it’s like to go from being a solopreneur to building and managing a team Why trial and error is an important aspect of marketing Why you need a confidential sounding board to run ideas and problems by How spending money on marketing will help your business grow faster Why you have to work less, but more efficiently, to make more money Quotes: “Psychotherapy was all about taking people who were non-functional and making them functional. And life coaches are all about taking people that are functional and making them function at a higher level.” (9:29) “Being able to maintain my craft and be the employee in my business and do all the things that I needed to do to serve my customers; but then it’s like another full-time job to actually run your company, and set it up properly, and market it, handle customer service.” (19:59) “Even taking the courses isn’t enough. Then you have to apply what you learned and fail at it so many times before you can end up being successful at it.” (21:02) “How much can I spend on marketing and still make a profit? The more I can spend on marketing my business, the faster I’m going to grow.” (23:08) Links Find Brooke Castillo and The Life Coach School Online Find Brooke Castillo and The Life Coach School on Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Listen to The Life Coach School Podcast Learn more about Entrepreneurial Bookkeeping Join From Side Hustle to CEO on Facebook Keep up with everything Women In Business Follow me, Dr. Cortney Baker on Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn KidsCare Home Health Are you a female millennial entrepreneur who wants to start or scale your service-based business but not sure where to start? Go to www.drcortneybaker.com/10secrets to get your free copy of the 10 Secrets Female Millennial Entrepreneurs must know before launching their service-based business. Get your free copy now! About Dr. Cortney Baker... She is an award-winning entrepreneur, researcher, author, speaker, and an advocate for gender equality. As a leadership expert and mother of three, she is passionate about inspiring and empowering women to lead with greatness. Dr. Baker is the author of the best-selling books: The Ten Do's and Don'ts for Business Leadership: Lessons to Lead Effectively and Unlimited: Conquering the Myth of the Glass Ceiling. She is passionate about helping ambitious female millennial entrepreneurs go from side-hustle to CEOs! Feedback? Questions? Comments? For more information or to reserve Dr. Cortney Baker to speak at an upcoming event, please contact her at: cortney@cortneybaker.com or 1-469-708-8840.
Are we only giving to receive something in return? Or are we giving freely of ourselves because we genuinely want to? “Giving to Get” is a sign that you believe something is lacking. Ultimately this frame of mind will cause resentment and an imbalance in our lives. In today's episode of The Karen Kenney Show, we talk about taking a real honest look at our relationships in order to get clear on how we might be showing up “transactionally”. While also exploring what we can do to get our lives and choices back into balanced & loving alignment. What you will learn on this episode: Conditional Love Relationships (8:52) Political Relationships (12:13) Passage Meditation (14:26) Saint Francis Prayer (14:55) To Give is to Receive (18:44) Women Who Love Too Much (21:54) We are Constantly Broadcasting to the People Around Us (26:51) Give Because You Want to Give (33:08) Say Something About Your Unhappiness (36:31) Look Honestly at the Current State of Our Relationships (39:20) Karen Kenney is a writer, speaker and the founder of Fearless Flow Mentoring. She's a certified Spiritual Mentor, has been a student & guide of A Course in Miracles for 26+ years and a longtime student of Passage Meditation. She's also a Gateless Writing Teacher and has been a yoga teacher since 2001. KK grew up in Lawrence & Boston, MA and is known for her storytelling, her sense of humor and her “down-to-earth” approach to spirituality. Her signature mentoring programs: Your Story to Your Glory™ & Fearless Flow™ help people let go of their old stories of suffering and victimization, so they can write a new kick-ass story from a place of inner power, forgiveness, freedom and Spirit. A sought-after expert and Spiritual Thought Leader for Live Events, Podcasts, Coaching Programs and Shows, Karen speaks on stages across the country and leads Transformational Retreats in the New England area and at the Omega Institute in NY. KK is the host of The Karen Kenney Show Podcast and is currently at work on her memoir. You can learn more and connect with Karen at: WEBSITE: https://www.karenkenney.com/ KK FREEBIE: http://www.karenkenney.com/freebie FB: https://www.facebook.com/karenkenneylive/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/karenkenneylive/ YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/c/KarenKenney TWITTER: https://twitter.com/karenkenneylive Thanks for listening! If something that I shared from my heart today somehow landed in yours, I'd love to hear about it. So please tag me on Facebook or Instagram and let me know what your favorite part was or what you found most helpful. If you're digging what I'm saying and you want to hear more, I'd be wicked grateful if you can go to iTunes and subscribe and leave a review and if you can think of someone that could benefit from hearing this episode, please share it with them.
Today I'm talking with Stephanie Churma! Stephanie is the CEO and founder of The Good Love Company. She is a relationship Expert, mentor and coach for soulful women and couples. Infusing Identity work with Intimacy overhaul, her goal is to change the way you think and feel about modern love. Working in the personal development industry for over 7 years, her methods and perspectives have been called refreshing and brilliant. Gone are the days of games and tactics, it's time to instead remember who you are and embrace vulnerability. Find yourself, find love. We talk about Stephanie's love story; how one day she realized she needed to change internally before the relationship she had been wanting could manifest. Then how she found and started dating the man who is now her fiance just 57 days after she made that shift. Now she's helping other women to do the same. In today's episode, we're talking about how to create an energetic match for your dream relationship, ghosting, why we shouldn't rely on others to validate our feelings, how to handle different dating situations, marriage missions, audio-memory activation, and more. Stephanie's top book recommendations: (Affiliate links) Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood: https://amzn.to/2XSfnxy Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay - Mira Kirshenbaum: https://amzn.to/2XQtune Attached by Amir Levine: https://amzn.to/2NWuDFg Deeper Dating by Ken Page: https://amzn.to/2F3GFsv Connect with Stephanie! Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/stephanie.churma Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/goodloveco/?hl=en Check out The Good Love Co. Podcast: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/good-love-co-podcast-relationships-intimacy-sex-self/id1218284817?mt=2 Connect with Crystal! Here's where you can find me: www.crystalirom.com Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/crystalirom Follow me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/crystalirom Join us in my Facebook group, Magnetizing Love: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2232160110344576/
In Episode 20, we ask ourselves and our listeners: Are you a woman who loves too much? Recently inspired by a group discussion amongst friends as well as reflecting on her own past choices, Antoinette digs up an old book that details the symptoms of co-dependency and why we stay in toxic relationships. This is an incredibly important subject in a world full of F*@c boys, un-checked male privilege and our never ending hunger for validation. Is it really them to blame or is it us? Book- Women Who Love Too Much (Who Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change by Robin Norwood https://www.amazon.com/Women-Who-Love-Too-Much-ebook/dp/B003YL44FY
A short segment about the importance of asking questions and gaining clarification, despite the fear of answers + outcomes. The two books I mentioned were: "Women Who Love Too Much," by Robin Norwood and "The Four Agreements," by Don Miguel Ruiz. Make sure to comment, like, share and subscribe to #PenPalsandPerrier. Follow me on IG @hellloitsvee
EPISODE IN ENGLISH Have you ever wondered if you had intuition & spotted toxic behavior from your crush/date/bf/or whatever, or if you overreacted to a clumsy comment ? You start overthinking it, wondering if you should be proud of yourself or appologizing to someone for being so insecure... That's exactly where I was in my head when I was lucky to find @Lalalaletmeexplainblog on Instagram. Scrolling through her IG helped me with my situation & I thought I should introduce you to her work because I believe that knowledge should be in all of our heads. With Love, Hermine a.k.a @The_Prune PS : I am so sorry for the phone recording audio quality in this episode ! I have done my best editing it, but unfortunately my guest is hard to hear :( It's such a pity cause she is so interesting ! I'm so grateful she took the time to answer my questions & shared all of this precious knowledge with us. I think the message is worth being put out there & that you should definitely listen to it & share it with your friends anyway. Like it's a secret whispered that will only change the lives of those who care to listen... P.P.S : I am since taking online classes (on YouTube haha) so it won't happen again :) --- If this episode resonated with you, please share your story in the comments so that we can all connect & support each other, And please remember to rate the episode & share it around you so that the word spreads & to help me make more episodes :) --- Email me : hermineprunier@gmail.com --- Links : My Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/the_prune/?hl=fr My Website : https://thepruneyoga.com/ My Guest's IG : https://www.instagram.com/lalalaletmeexplainblog/?hl=fr My guest’s Website : https://lalalaletmeexplain.com/ 10 Gaslighting exemples : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As_8Bb0bVNY Women that loves too much - Robin Nordwood https://www.amazon.fr/Women-Who-Love-Too-Much/dp/1416550216 These are the signs you're dating a narcissist - Dr Ramani Durvasula https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLM94DnKkQo Sexual Disorientation - Dr Ramani Durvasula & Silvia Sage http://sexualdisorientation.com/ --- Crédits : Candonga - Buraka Son Systema Rupaul's Drag Race
Abigail Manning shares the key to being aware of others’ triggers and how to be more understanding compassionate - living with Authentic Health. In this episode, Abigail and Mike both share specific lessons they teach around the world for living with respect toward others’ boundaries and how to recognize abuse. * You are invited to join our community and conversations about each episode on FaceBook at https://www.facebook.com/MutuallyAmazingPodcast and join us on Twitter @CenterRespect or visit our website at http://www.MutuallyAmazingPodcast.com** *BIO:* Abigail G. Manning is an Awareness Creator of Authentic Health to prevent and end all forms of Abuse. Having experienced childhood abuse by both of her parents and domestic violence as an adult, Abigail uses first-hand experience combined with her Indiana University Communications double major specializing in cognitive, behavioral and social theories, 5 years of abuse research, $20,000 of therapy modalities investigations and her own unique insights, to teach others how to build Authentic Health. In a positive and pro-active approach, she uses touches of humor to illuminate the challenges of recognizing and understanding the codes, cycles and connections found in unhealthy behaviors including toxic relationships, manipulations, sexual harassment, bullying, child abuse, domestic violence, manipulations, and more. By creating awareness, abuse moves out of the silent darkness where it starts and thrives, into the colorful light of mainstream conversations and creates a brighter future for us all. *LINKS* https://abigailgmanning.com/ https://www.facebook.com/abigailgmanning/ https://twitter.com/AbigailGManning *Recommended Books:* Dr. Henry Grayson, Mindful Loving Robin Norwood, Women Who Love Too Much Brene Brown’s books especially, Rising Strong READ THE FULL TRANSCRIPTION of the EPISODE HERE (or download the pdf): **IMPORTANT: This podcast episode was transcribed by a 3rd party service and so errors can occur throughout the following pages: Mike: Welcome to the Respect Podcast. I'm your host, Mike Domitrz from mikespeaks.com, where we help organizations of all sizes, educational institutions, and the US military create a culture of respect. And respect is exactly what we discuss on this show. So let's get started. Mike: And welcome to this episode. Today we have Abigail Manning. Abigail is an awareness creator of authentic health to prevent and end all forms of abuse. With a positive and proactive approach, she brings insights and answers to how we can each lead healthy and happy lives. Abigail, thank you so much for joining us. Abigail: Thank you so much for having me on your show, Mike. Mike: I'm thrilled to have you here. Can you give a little background on what it is you do? Abigail: Sure. As you said, I'm an awareness creator. So what that means is it's a proactive and positive approach to helping others see where maybe they might be lacking in having true authentic health. And the whole reason behind it is because I came from childhood abuse by both my parents and domestic violence as an adult, and as an eight year old, I took a vow in front of a mirror to end abuse. And so this is my next chapter of life, and this is my next mission, is to help others learn the lessons that I have learned, but hopefully a lot easier and faster, quicker, and with a lot more positivity than the way that I learned them. Mike: And at eight years old, you looked into a mirror and said, "I'm going to end this pattern." I'm not gonna let this cycle repeat, is sort of sounds like you described there. I'm going to make a different path for myself. Where does that come from at eight years old? Abigail: Right. Well, what it is, is that it was, I devoted myself at that point to love, respect, and kindness. Mike: I mean, that's mind boggling for a lot of people to hear it and say, wait an eight year old committed to and stayed with it. Right? Because a lot of ... When we're young, we'll go, oh, I have this goal and this dream. I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this, or I'm never gonna do that, and that changes very quickly as we get to teen years or pre-teen years. So what kept you focused? Abigail: What kept me focused was having firsthand experiences of harm. So I really only have one rule and when I raised my kids, it was do no harm. At all costs, do no harm. And the next best goal is to have love, respect, and kindness for yourself and for others. Now, it doesn't mean that that was easy. It doesn't mean that I didn't understand. I didn't understand abuse. I didn't understand it at all, but I was committed to those values, doing no harm to someone else because I knew what that felt like, and I did not want to do that to anybody else. And what do I want the world to be? How do I want the world to treat each other? I want there to be safety and trust and respect, and for me, those words have always kind of boiled down to love, respect, and kindness. Abigail: And so unfortunately because I didn't understand abuse, I went through the pendulum swing of marrying someone who is not of great health and being in that marriage for over 10 years, and then swinging out of that. And that's what I mean. I've learned all these different things by going through $20,000 of therapy modalities, and reading, and going through crisis center. PTSD hit me really hard. I was like, okay, I have to really understand this and be able to explain it in a way that I can understand it. Abigail: And so other people saw that and they started asking me, can you explain to me what you're doing and how it's working so well for you? So from that, I started this company, Create Awareness Change Lives where we go and we speak, and we do workshops and training and keynote speeches and things like that to help others learn what I did along the way, hopefully way back at the early stages, and signs of unhealth and disrespect so we can stop it there and make it into something positive and proactive for all of us. Mike: Well, I appreciate your openness there because while at eight years old you made the commitment, it took 20 plus years to figure out the journey which is true of a lot of us. In a do no harm philosophy, which I'm a big believer in, when I teach my all day workshops on how to do training on sensitive issues, we talk about do no harm. At the same time, you have to also make sure that you're not doing harm by doing no harm because that can actually happen. Abigail: Right. Mike: You can think so much about, I don't want to harm anybody in the room, that you do harm at the ability to impact and to teach and to connect because you're so working in fear of not doing harm. And that's not what do no harm means, but that's what people can interpret it to mean, and you can live it. It sounds like you went through some of that in your own personal life. Abigail: Correct. I agree that you can't ... We're not a world where we have to be ... I don't want to be in a world where it's overly polite. One of the things that we are is transparent. Transparent can be firm, it can be direct, it can still be polite and kind, but it's no longer a doormat and you don't withhold information. So I help people. One of the realizations that I had was the crisis center told me, "When you do this work, it's not when. You absolutely will trigger somebody else." Abigail: So it's a matter of knowing you're going into that, giving a space that's trusting and safe for people to really vulnerably feel it because I'm about authenticity, right? Not just the robotic kind of, I mask my feelings, but someone is going to get triggered. How do we help them? Because that's the first step. When you first realize, whoa, I have a problem, or oh, I didn't know that was me, or I didn't think I thought about that word that way, or something. Abigail: So being triggered doesn't have to be a horrible, bad thing. It can be a realization that this is the first maybe eye opening experience that you're like, I'm ready to be better. I'm ready to be healthy. I'm ready to have control over this and not have it have control over me. Let me flip it into the positive like it's okay, I am going to trigger people, and that is okay, but I have to have the responsibility, which I take very seriously, of letting people know that they can trust me, they're safe with me, and that I truly, truly do care about them and their wellbeing. Mike: Yeah, and you're not intentionally triggering people. Abigail: No. Mike: There are people who do that, right? We see people in the media and in politics who go out and say insightful things intentionally to insight, to trigger in a different way than the kind of trigger we're talking here, but it's a form of triggering. And so you're saying, no matter what I do, someone can be triggered. I'm out of control of that, but I am in control of the atmosphere that I create in which that takes place. Abigail: Right, and trauma informed approach is really important. So I would never go out of my way or try to ever trigger someone in an unhealthy way, in a harmful way, in overstepping their boundary lines. But understanding that you're going to do that and you're doing it from a loving place, you're doing it from an I care place, and this is the way you're going to have to face it. Because if you don't face the beast, the beast is always going to be there. Abigail: So I don't care if your beast is addictions, I don't care if your beast is that you're with somebody abusive, or that you are abusive yourself. You've got to face the beast in order to stare it down, understand it, and be able to walk away confidently from it. And you can do all that in a very healthy way. So the question is always, am I being helpful and healthy or am I being hurtful and unhealthy? That's my measuring, and hopefully I'm never hurtful to somebody, and I'm always been helping and healthy for them. Mike: So how do you help somebody? How are you supportive of someone? We get suggested questions for our shows and the one question is, how do I treat people who have been through abuse with respect and not pity? So how do I give that person that respect and pity? Because we see it all the time. In my line of work from the stage, I'll tell people the number one mistake I see people say to survivors is, "Oh, I'm so sorry," which is meant as loving and caring, completely comes off as total pity. Abigail: Right. Mike: I'm so sorry. And it feels like I'm so sorry that happened to you. It didn't happen to me. I'm so sorry it happened to you. And how you know it's pity is because the majority of the time the survivor will respond with, oh, it's not your fault, which means they're now counseling you for your reaction to them, which tells you it's pity. That's a dead sign that they felt pity right there. It was not a moment of empowerment. Abigail: Correct. And that's interesting. I've never thought of pity in that way. What I wanna do is help both sides. So when someone really cares, I don't think they want to do pity. I think they don't know what to say. Mike: Correct. And that's why giving people precise words is everything in those moments. We do that [inaudible 00:08:54] all the time. Here's exactly the words you can use that can make sure that you are empowering each other and respect and admiration. What do you teach for that? Abigail: Well, I teach to be authentic. I teach to be honest. I teach that being direct. So having eye contact with the person and saying something like, "Thank you for sharing that," or, "You are so brave," or, "I didn't know, how can I be of support?" Even to me, I see people all the time kind of go, and so I just move on into what I do really quickly because it gives them permission not to have to respond and react. Because we all feel like, oh gosh. I mean, none of us want anybody to be abused. Abigail: So if you can just come back with, wow, I didn't know. How did you get past it? I mean go to the positive. What could I do to help somebody in the future? Is there anything specific I can do for you? And that's the number one thing. People don't know how to respond. You don't have to know how to respond. Just be yourself. If you're kind, be kind. Mike: Yeah, and if you can learn language that can help you be comfortable in that, then use it. Like we teach the same thing. We teach, "Thank you for sharing." We'll say, "Thank you for sharing. Clearly you are strong and courageous. What can I do to be of support?" Abigail: Yeah. Mike: Because that opens the door. And the reason those three steps are so important. One, thank you for sharing lets the person know, I've come to the right person. Because the fear is, is it okay to share with this person in this moment? That's often a fear for a survivor. Is this a safe person to share? So when you open with, "Wow, thank you for sharing," oh, okay. And then when you say, "Clearly you're strong and courageous because you shared," I mean, that's true. So that's honesty and validation at the same time. Reinforcement is a better word. Mike: But then to say, "How can I be of support?" They might say, oh no, I just wanted to share. Okay. But they might be like, oh, I just wish there was someone I could talk to. Oh, well have you talked to a local crisis center? Have you talked to ... And you give them options. It creates this exploratory option for them to get the resources and support they deserve, which is so, so important. Mike: And for anyone listening, this goes to any difficult news someone ever gives you. It doesn't have to be a survivor. Somebody comes up to you and says, "My dad passed away last night." Oh, I'm so sorry. Where do you go from there? You've got nowhere to go from there. Somebody says, "My dad passed last night." Wow, thank you for sharing. Now how can I be of support? Now they see somebody trying to engage not just, let's move on from this uncomfortable situation. Abigail: I love it. I love it. In fact, I wrote it down because I am a big thank you and please person. Call me old fashioned, but I still really like using thank you and please with people all the time, even people I know, my family and everybody. Just thank you for helping me with dinner or something like that. So that's acknowledgement, everything you said was just, to me, spot on, perfect, and beautiful, and brilliant. To acknowledge, to thank, to prove that you're a safe person, you're a sincere person. I love it. Mike: I appreciate that. We've always taught it from stage and all my books. We teach that same ... PART 1 OF 3 ENDS [00:12:04] Mike: We've always taught it from stage and in all my books. We teach that same statement, because it's just ... People don't have the skill. I love what you said about be yourself and be authentic. Sadly, some people are afraid to do that, because they have been taken as being callous in the past. They feel, "If I'm myself, I could do harm." Well, what if I could give you this little phrase? And if you said it from your authentic self, with these words, it's going to come off as you and be loving, and caring, and supportive. Abigail: Right. One other thing I'd like to point out real fast, Mike, is that the person who has the difficult thing to explain. Like you said, whatever that happens to be: a death in the family, coming out for the first time talking about abuse, or something like that. That person is coming from a place where they've already been shamed, blamed, judged, isolated, ridiculed, minimized, all of that. They're kind of ... At least in my case, I was very nervous, and I would watch people. The moment that they would kind of like at me like ... like that. Shut it down. This is not a safe place. This person's not going to be able to understand. The turtle pulls its head back into the shell real fast. Abigail: Just know that when someone comes to you with an act of bravery, when someone looks really strong on the outside or you see them as being very strong or successful or capable or confident, we're all the same in the inside. It's really scary to come forward. Strong people ... I know, because I've been called a strong person more than once in my life ... It's scary to feel weak. It's scary to feel not in control of how someone's going to respond to you, not that we can control it. Just know going into that that's why I like telling people to be really authentic and just your connection with that person. A lot of times you don't know that person, but it could be just someone you've met. It happens to me all the time. I will start with a compliment for them of like, "I'm honored that you told me." Mike: Yes. Yes, because what you said there is important about the concept of that took them strength to share with you, whatever the difficult news was. So to honor that just means the world to people. We should be honoring that. Now you talk about something that is what I've been doing for decades, which is to ask first. Ask first. You talk about it specifically when it comes to hugs. Because in my world, people think, "Well, Mike teaches us to ask for a kiss," or, "Mike teaches before sexual intimacy to ask." But you say, "Why should I have to ask before I hug someone." You teach in your work why that's important. Let's go to there. Why is it respectable to ask for a hug versus just assuming, "Look, I'm giving you a hug. That's loving. That's supportive"? What's the harm in me just giving them a hug? Abigail: Yeah, right. It goes down to our healthy boundary lines, right? What is healthy for you may not be necessarily healthy for someone else based on their life experiences. For example, if someone ... That was the first step of abuse, let's say. Because that's what I specialize in is preventing and ending abuse. If someone was abused by, let's say, a parent who comes up and the first thing they do is they come up towards you face on, and they put their arms towards you. That person knows they have to go into fight, flight, or freeze mode, so it's unsafe. When our brains get hijacked, we don't know how to respond until we are taught how to respond, until we're taught what those warning signs are. And, what is ours to own versus the other person? Abigail: Is everyone out to attack you that's going to hug you? No. But until we can get that through our brains and really assimilated it into our bodies and our responses, and we can understand it ... There's different techniques, like EMDR. There's Somatic. There is EFT ... on how we rewire our brain, so that we don't automatically jump into that reactionary fight, flight, or freeze mode. You think you're being friendly and kind, and I think you're ... subconsciously without even realizing it ... coming to attack me. Because some people bury, especially childhood abuse, so far down, they don't even know that that's what it's related to. Mike: Yes. The word that we often don't discuss here is grooming. This is how the predators often groom their victims and those who would go on to become survivors. For anyone who's listening, what that means is a predator will start with a hug. They'll get very comfortable with that hug. They'll make that hug little tighter and a little longer. Then they move to touching, and they move to other things. But it all began there, so for the survivor ... especially if it has not been addressed, if it is down deep ... there's an immediate moment of, "That's where it all started, and now this person's starting it all." Mike: Like you said ... I love that you said that ... they might not even be aware of this, because subconsciously this can happen. People go, "Well, that's not my ... I'm not supposed to know what everybody else has been through. I mean, that's just political correctness gone awry." You are about to touch another person's body. If you are going to touch another person's body, it is on you to respect the possibilities of how that could impact them, because it's their body. That's not like you're just saying something from across the room, which can be harmful, but you're literally going to engage another human being's body in some form or fashion. Abigail: There's three spaces. There's our professional or public space. Then there's our personal space with our friends and stuff. Then there's an intimate space that you would share with a partner, or a child, or maybe an elderly parent, or something like that. That's your intimate space. We say that people aren't really allowed into your intimate space unless you want it, unless it's healthy for you. Why would I assume just because I like a hug, that other people would like it. I always try to, again, honor, respect. I try to respect the other person. I would just say things like ... For the first time meeting them. I have my group of friends, we hug all the time. But there's an understanding, because the first time that we've met, we've said, "Oh, would you like a hug?" Not, "May I hug you?" Because, again, you're coming onto them, but, "Would you like a hug? Are you a hugger?" Mike: Yeah, that's a great line. I know friends that use that. Myself, I've done it too. They go the handshake hug kind of thing, and you're like, "Are you a hugger?" They're like, "Yeah," so then you know you're good. But if they're like, "No, I'm good," yep, the handshake works. I think what people forget is why are you hugging them in the first place? You believe it will be supportive. You assume. So if the hug is about supportive and/or connection, shouldn't you make sure that will be the outcome? Abigail: Right, right. Also, maybe conversely, because Authentic Health is really turning that mirror around and looking at it at yourself. I'm not saying hugs are bad. Personally, I love hugs, but other people don't like them, and that's okay. If you're like, "I hug everybody, and I don't even ask." Why? What is it I need? What is the physical touch lacking in my life. What am I trying to express. Maybe question is that so important for me to do that? Abigail: I had someone in a business setting, never me the person before. She's actually a lawyer. When she came up to me ... I always shake hands the first time I meet somebody, because in our society, that's totally acceptable. It's not awkward ... and I extended my hand. She immediately pushed right past my hand and threw a hug onto me. I took a step back, and I said, "I'm more of a handshaker when I get to meet people." She completely didn't understand. I don't know if she thought we were best friends reconnected. Abigail: But just watching the body language. We talk a lot about cognitive, social, and behavioral theories. Well, the behavioral theory is if someone's putting out their hand to shake hands with you, they want to shake your hand. Or, they put a hand up to high five, just do the high five. Those verbal and behavioral cues are important to watch for. Mike: Absolutely. Abigail: Then ask [inaudible 00:19:55] ask, but you don't ... It's out of consideration. It's just a form of respect, in my opinion. Mike: Definitely. Abigail: Don't take it personally if they say, "No, I'm not." Mike: Yeah, you don't have to cure them. I think that's the other thing that happens. I think people think that, "If I give you enough hugs, you'll be okay with hugs." That's really dangerous and messed up to think, "The more I push your boundaries and disrespect what you want, you'll learn to like the boundaries I'm giving you." If you actually say that out loud, you'll recognize how predatorial that is, right? Abigail: Yeah. Mike: We need to help understand it. I'm not saying that I haven't done some form of that when I was younger. Most of us have, right? Abigail: Oh, absolutely. Mike: In some form, we thought, "Well, if I do this, they'll get more comfortable ..." Whatever it was. It doesn't have to be hug, touch. But recognizing just how predatorial that is, and how we've been taught to do that. Like, "I'll teach them." No. That's not your job in that moment. Abigail: Right. I think a lot of times ... and you can tell me from a guy's perspective ... from a girl's perspective, I was taught, "Be kind. Be nice. Give to others." I have a saying of pour love. Pouring love, pouring love on others. That was a strong social message that was given to me that, "Don't make waves. Everyone would be your friend." All of those which are not healthy. In the situation, a lot of times I think women end up hugging each other not necessarily because they want to, but they don't want to appear rude, or unfriendly, or stuck up, or something like that. Abigail: I wanted to erase that and saying when you own your own Authentic Health ... whatever it is, if it's a high five, if it's a fist bump, if it's a hug ... whatever it is, if you own it, it's okay. Be good with who you are, and not have to worry that you're offending somebody else, and not worry if you offend somebody else by saying, "I prefer this. I don't prefer that." Mike: Absolutely. Abigail: By living authentically, it's okay to stay within your own boundary lines, and what feels good, and is healthy for you without worry about what others and outsiders are thinking about you. Mike: Abigail, what are red flags of a sign that someone is being disrespectful or being abusive? Abigail: Red flags. Okay. We all have that gut feeling that goes off. We have red flags. We hear warning bells, all of those things. To me, I guess, the difference between those two would be healthy boundary lines. Our definition of abuse that I made up is repeated mistreatment. If people don't remember anything else, if you just remember repeated mistreatment. The rest of the definition is, "Repeated mistreatment where one person uses manipulations to gain and maintain power and control over another person." Abigail: If someone is being disrespectful, is it repeated? That's the first part of the definition. If it's a one-off, maybe they're being a jerk, maybe they are disrespectful, or something like that. Hopefully by you giving your healthy boundary lines and with a polite, but kind, but firm comeback on something, "I prefer a handshake, not a hug," something like that. Then they will stop it. It's not repeated. Abigail: Now if they decide to repeated it, "Oh, yeah, there's that Abigail. She ..." and it goes on and on in different ways from emotional, to physical, to sexual, to financial. Different forms of abuse. Different forms of manipulation. Different forms of trying to take your power and control or exert their power and control over you. Then you absolutely know the person is acting abusively. Mike: Let's pause there, because I love the two words. Repeated mistreatment is very powerful. I think it's also important to acknowledge that it doesn't mean it needs to be repeated for it to have been abuse, right? Because, there could be a one-time situation that is highly abusive. Abigail: Correct. Mike: Usually what you're describing here, what we're talking about, is, "How do I know when a situation that I'm regularly in is one of abuse or mistreatment?" versus a one-time situation. Abigail: Right. A lot of times, a sexual ... that's a sexual assault, which is awful. Nobody ever, ever deserves any form of abuse. No one asks for it. No one deserves it. No- PART 2 OF 3 ENDS [00:24:04] Abigail: ... deserves any form of abuse. No one asked for it, no one deserves it. No one, even though you can be groomed or gas lighting into thinking that you deserved it, you had ownership over this. You never did. It's what someone did to you versus what you went out and did to someone else. You were never worthy of being their target. You're right, it doesn't have to be awful or an assault or abusive, but when I use that term, a lot of times it starts really small, so unless it's like you're walking down an alley and you're attacked, right? That's an assault. But a lot of times in the abusive world when you have relationships with neighbors or co-workers or family it always starts small, like you said, they start with a hug, or they start with something, or they start with a lingering touch, if we're talking about sexual harassment. Mike: Or just not honoring your voice, right? Abigail: Correct. Mike: I don't wanna go this far. Let's say it's sexual. I don't wanna go this far. Oh, it'll be fun. What did you not get about I don't wanna go this far? I didn't say whether it'd be fun or not fun, I don't wanna go this far. It's not on the survivor to have to say that either. The moment I said it once, you should've listened, but that's a subtle, and it's a form of somebody starting to show abuse that is likely to say they might not be respecting me as this night goes on, because they're not reciprocating my voice right here and now. Once again, I wanna stress that's not on the survivor to stop the criminal, it's on the criminal to stop being abusive in the first place. Abigail: Right, and so that is the red flag that you just mentioned. So that, well I set a boundary line and they didn't ... They either didn't acknowledge it and blew right by it, or they made fun of me for it. They ridiculed me for it, or they're like, "What in the world are you talking about?" Stuff like that. I thought you wanted to be my boyfriend, I thought you wanted to be my girlfriend. Just like in sexual harassment, we do some workshops for corporations and government and things like that on what's sexual harassment and if this then that, quid pro quo, it's the same thing. It's not honoring those boundary lines, so just kind of watch because it tends to be small and then a lot of times someone who's abusive is very quick, very practiced and that's those manipulations of coming back and saying, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do that," or they have some story or something, so just watch for a pattern or really, not even a pattern 'cause sometimes it gets a little too tricky for people to see, just is it repeated? Mike: Yeah, I love that statement, the repeated mistreatment. It's perfect. Just due to time 'cause this next question we could do 30 minutes on but due to time, what is one or two steps, if somebody's listening is a survivor, of trauma or abuse to help them feel respect towards themselves? Abigail: Fantastic. Well for me, I would say it's authentic health. Gaining your power and control back where you can have your authentic health where you're not looking for outside confirmation, you really know the patterns and what has happened to you, what your life experience, we're all shaped by our life experiences, so I guess the key would be what has shaped your life experience? What has created your story? What is that negative take or that purple thread running through you that is a lie that is not truth, but you've read that book so many times you believe it actually happened. You've heard that story so many times, you actually believe that's who you are. Mike: Can I pause just so I'm understanding? Abigail: Yeah. Mike: Are you referring to for instance victim blaming, self victim blaming? So somebody's sitting there going, "Had I not done this that night, that wouldn't have happened," and they have played that tape and that tape is causing them to feel blame. Abigail: That could be their life experience yes, or it could be you see for example, really, really thin anorexic, bulimic people but the tape that they've been told is they're big and fat and ugly. They're on their deathbed believing that their big, fat and ugly when they're really not, right? So we all have our tapes, I'm not smart, you should have seen my brother, he's really, really smart. I'm not the smart one. Things like that. Like, what is your story? That my career's never work out, my love life never works out. Mike: I love adding the question to that, how's that working for me? Right, so let's say I put the story out in front of myself, I believe this. How's that working for me? It never makes me feel better. Abigail: Yeah. Mike: It's not working, right? This story, this negative story I got has never benefited and even if it benefited once, 99 other days it bothers me so it's a negative impact on my life. Abigail: Right, and a lot of times what I'll say is break it down to simple. Is it healthy or is it unhealthy? Mike: Yeah, that's perfect. Abigail: Is this healthy? Is this going to propel me forward to the vision that I have for my life? Is this going to make me a better person tomorrow than I am today or is this unhealthy? Is this gonna continue keeping me in this loop, in this cycle, in this pattern, in this lane and [inaudible 00:29:02] false beliefs. So if you feel like [inaudible 00:29:04] and someone comes in and sweeps you off your feet telling you how smart you are, if you actually own your own ... If you own your life story then you're not swayed by what people may or may not say. They can use those as manipulations. Mike: Yes. Abigail: So if you think of yourself as not charming let's say and someone comes in your life and their like, "Oh, you're so charming and you're delightful," and you're like, "Oh wow." They can manipulate you because they're able to find your weakness but when we own our own weaknesses and we own our strengths, that's authentic health. Mike: Yes and a great example is parenting. Parents who say, "Well, I don't want to tell my kid I love 'em too much," oh yeah? Wait till the kid comes along that does tell them because that kid will ... If they don't believe their loved, that kid will be their new source versus them being their own source. Teaching them to be their own source. Yeah, somebody should say to you, "Oh you're great," and in your mind there should be a little bit of thanks and yes, right? Doesn't mean you have to say it out loud, or you're beautiful or you're great, or you're brilliant and there should be a little bit of thank you and yes. Mike: We should feel these things about ourselves so we don't ... That's what I loved about what you said there, we don't need them from somebody else because if we need them from somebody else, control goes over to that person to get it. To get what they need, that can be the unhealthy part. You had three books that you told me that you really love, one was Mindful Loving by Dr. Henry Grayson, another was Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood and Renee Brown's books, you especially like Rising Strong. Why these three books? Abigail: Well I think anything Renee Brown has written I love. I love- Mike: Same here. Abigail: ... her attitude and approach and she breaks it down. She inspired me to take what I know and break it down and simplify it and explain it in storytelling formats that make sense and so, that's been a lot of things. It helped me a lot on my path on ... I couldn't stand when I opened up her book and I read the word shame. Ugh, I don't need more shame and blame and anything like that and of course she did a big wonderful twist on all of it and it was really, really helping but again, we started the conversation with about triggering people. So I had to be a little angry with Miss Doctor Renee Brown because she was triggering me with the whole word shame but I'm glad she did and I'm glad I had the fortitude to keep reading through as well as those other books and other therapy and talk therapies and things like that because that's how you feel the beast and you keep moving through it and you get better and you look in that mirror and you're not afraid to look in the mirror. Abigail: You're not afraid. None of us are perfect, right? I'm supposed to be perfect, authentic health is not being perfect. It's not being great at everything, it's just being true to who we are and willing to look in the mirror and not willing to listen to the whispers of any kind of negativity and by being vulnerable and that's a big strong theme that she has been superior in explaining to people is vulnerability and shame as well as many other things. But those are the reasons why I really like her books and I just love the way she writes too, I think it's fun. Mike: Yes. Abigail: [inaudible 00:32:11] for a male's perspective as well as a female's perspective on When You Love Too Much and that's that healthy versus unhealthy. From different people I've put together what I feel authentic health is and both of them I thought from a male perspective as well as a female perspective they did a really good job of showing where that line is between what is good authentic love and what is not, because you have to keep in mind, I wasn't raised with it. I wasn't raised with love, respect and kindness. I wasn't raised with mutually loving parents, I had to figure it out. I watched for it, I looked for it in movies, I watched for it in couples and so I stumbled along trying to learn these things in my own life and through reading books so that I could figure out how to have happy, healthy, successful love in my life. Mike: Well I think that's a great way to end our show 'cause I think too many people think things like, "Well that should be obvious," but they forget well it's obvious to you 'cause you might have been raised in it or you learned it because of something in your culture, your family. Millions of people have never been taught these lessons so if you're gonna say I'm a compassionate, caring person you need to think of the possibilities of others, which you just brilliantly shared with us. So Abigail, thank you for being with us today. For anybody listening you can find Abigail at abigailmanning.com, we'll have her Facebook link, her Twitter link all on our show notes, and remember if you're listening or watching you can join discussions on this episode on Facebook at our Facebook discussion group called The Respect Podcast Discussion Group. So look that up on Facebook, join us in our conversation. Thank you so much Abigail. Abigail: Thank you very much. All the best to you. Mike: Thank you for joining us for this episode of The Respect Podcast which was sponsored by the Date Safe Project at datesafeproject.org and remember, you can always find me at mikespeaks.com. PART 3 OF 3 ENDS [00:34:08]
I love this episode with Ashleigh Jadee, we talk about the misconception of falling into the position of wifey when we may actually be co-dependent, we reflected on the reasons why and we got really vulnerable about our history of sexual abuse. We talked healing, spiritual practices and the importance of therapy. This is another edition of a raw, honest and vulnerable conversation and a glorious listen. Download it and listen whilst you're not on data x Books The Fifth Agreement - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Fifth-Agreement-Practical-Self-Mastery-Toltec/dp/1878424610/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1528621411&sr=1-1&keywords=fifth+agreement The Chimp Paradox - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Chimp-Paradox-Management-Programme-Confidence/dp/009193558X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1528621576&sr=1-1&keywords=chimp+paradox Trust - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Trust-Mastering-Essential-Trusts-Yourself/dp/1781803412/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1528621600&sr=1-1&keywords=trust+iyanla+vanzant Women Who love too much - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Women-Who-Love-Too-Much/dp/0099474123/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1528621669&sr=1-1&keywords=women+who+love+too+much You can listen to Ashleigh Jadee's podcast here @https://soundcloud.com/ashleigh-jadee-241467019 Instagram @msashleighjadee @ashleighjadeeee
Have you ever wondered why “this” is happening to you? If you are human you probably have. Robin Norwood, our guest for today, has explored this question in depth in her book “Why Me, Why This, Why Now?”. Robin became known all over the world for her book “Women Who Love Too Much,” in which she explored the depth-aspects of relationship. But her perhaps a bit less well-known book “Why Me…” explores the dynamic relationship we have with the circumstances and experiences of our lives. Some of us have been taught to never ask the question why. But Robin does ask and seeks out brave answers—answers that make sense to those of us who are truly seeking. She reveals how a spiritually enlightened understanding of life's suffering can lead to personal and planetary healing. If you've ever wondered why, don't miss this excellent opportunity to find out.
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