Podcasts about mindful loving

Part 1 How to Be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo SummarySummary of "How to Be an Adult in Relationships" by David RichoIn "How to Be an Adult in Relationships," David Richo offers insights into fostering healthy and mature relationships through emotional awareness and personal responsibility. The book emphasizes the importance of acknowledging our own feelings and needs, while also being attuned to the needs of others. Here are some key concepts and themes from the book:Emotional Awareness: Richo highlights the significance of understanding one's own emotions and recognizing how they influence relationship dynamics. He encourages readers to cultivate self-awareness and to accept their feelings without judgment.Boundaries: Establishing and respecting personal boundaries is crucial for healthy relationships. Richo explains how to set boundaries that protect one's well-being while allowing for intimacy and connection.Communication: Effective communication is a foundation for adult relationships. Richo provides strategies for open and honest dialogue, encouraging individuals to express their needs and listen actively to their partners.Responsibility: Taking responsibility for one's actions, reactions, and emotions is vital. Richo asserts that being an adult in a relationship means not blaming others for our feelings and choices. Instead, we should focus on our own responses and behaviors.Acceptance: The book emphasizes the importance of accepting oneself and one's partner fully, flaws and all. This acceptance fosters a supportive environment where love and growth can flourish.The Role of Love: Richo discusses love as a transformative force, describing it as a commitment to being present, supportive, and empathetic towards one another. Love involves both giving and receiving, and it requires emotional maturity.Conflict Resolution: Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. The author provides tools for handling disagreements constructively, encouraging listeners to focus on understanding each other's perspectives rather than winning an argument.Personal Growth: The journey of being an adult in relationships is also about personal development. Richo encourages readers to continuously work on themselves, fostering qualities such as patience, compassion, and resilience.Overall, "How to Be an Adult in Relationships" serves as a guide for individuals seeking to build and maintain healthy, loving, and mature partnerships. Richo's practical advice emphasizes emotional intelligence, communication, and personal accountability as essential components of adult relationships.Part 2 How to Be an Adult in Relationships AuthorDavid Richo is a psychologist, psychotherapist, and author known for his work on personal development, emotional healing, and relationships. He was born on December 8, 1942, and has spent a significant part of his career studying and teaching about relationships and mindfulness. Richo is especially recognized for integrating insights from psychology with spirituality and personal growth. About "How to Be an Adult in Relationships"Release Date: The book "How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving" was first published in 2002. Richo explores how to develop mature relationships by implementing self-awareness and emotional intelligence principles. Other Notable Works by David Richo:David Richo has authored several books that delve into relationships, self-help, and mindfulness. Some of his popular works include:"When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds That Sabotage Our Relationships" (2010)"Daring to Trust: Opening Ourselves to Real Love and Intimacy" (2005)"The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them" (2005)"Love Signs: Use the Wisdom of the Zodiac to Find Your Soul Mate"...

Leading a guided meditation helping us witness the play of our human existence from the loving awareness that we truly are, Jack invites us to uncover true freedom as our birthright.Today's podcast is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/beherenow and get on your way to being your best self.In this episode, Jack delves into:The true purpose of meditation and spiritual practiceComing fully into the reality of the present momentBecoming mindful loving awareness itselfWitness the play of our human experienceUncovering true freedom as your innate birthrightExperiencing the present moment as loving awarenessResponding to the world with mindful loving courage“Come into this present moment with mindful loving awareness, notice the play of our human experience, and discover we can take our seat with a compassionate and gracious heart with a freedom that is your birthright.” – Jack KornfieldThis recording is from Spirit Rock Meditation Center's Monday Night Talk and Meditation on 3/3/25. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Part 1 How to Be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo Summary"How to Be an Adult in Relationships" by David Richo focuses on how emotional maturity and self-awareness play crucial roles in building healthy and fulfilling relationships. Here's a summary of the key concepts from the book:Self-Awareness and Emotional Maturity Richo emphasizes the importance of understanding oneself to navigate relationships successfully. This includes recognizing one's own needs, feelings, fears, and patterns of behavior that affect interactions with others. By becoming more self-aware, individuals can respond to situations rather than react impulsively.Taking Responsibility Adults in relationships take responsibility for their thoughts and actions. This means owning one's feelings, rather than projecting them onto partners. Richo advises that each person should work toward being accountable and understanding how personal choices influence relationship dynamics.Setting Boundaries A crucial aspect of being an adult in relationships is knowing how and when to set healthy boundaries. Richo provides guidance on identifying one's limits, communicating them clearly, and respecting others' boundaries as well.Effective Communication Open, honest communication is foundational to successful relationships. Richo encourages readers to express their needs and feelings without blame or criticism. Learning to listen actively and empathetically is also crucial.Accepting Imperfection Richo discusses the importance of accepting both ourselves and our partners as imperfect beings. He advocates for compassion towards oneself and others, and understanding that mistakes and shortcomings are a natural part of being human.The Role of Vulnerability Being vulnerable is highlighted as a strength in relationships. Sharing one's fears and insecurities can deepen intimacy and trust. Richo suggests that vulnerability fosters connection when approached with openness and honesty.Balancing Independence and Togetherness Richo emphasizes the need for individuals to maintain their independence while also nurturing a close, intertwined relationship. This balance is essential to healthy partnerships where both individuals can grow personally and as a couple.Therapeutic Exercises The book includes practical exercises and reflections to help readers apply the principles discussed. These activities encourage readers to assess their own experiences, practice deeper self-reflection, and build healthier relational habits. Conclusion David Richo's "How to Be an Adult in Relationships" serves as a guide to achieving emotional maturity and developing strong, healthy connections with others. It encourages readers to cultivate understanding, communication, and compassion within themselves and their relationships.Part 2 How to Be an Adult in Relationships AuthorDavid Richo is an American psychotherapist, author, and teacher known for his work in psychology, spirituality, and relationships. He has a particular focus on adult personal development and how relationships shape our personal lives. Book Release: The book How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving was first published in 2002. The book explores themes of emotional maturity, self-awareness, and the dynamics of adult relationships.Other Books: David Richo has written several other impactful books, including but not limited to:When the Past Is Present: Healing the Hurt by Letting Go of Your Painful History (2008)The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them (2005)Awakening the Adult Spirit: A Guide for New Parents (2012)The Power of Grace: The Ageless Wisdom of the Five Elements (2016)Daring to Be Yourself: How to Love the Skin You're In (2004)How...

IHP YouTube video podcast episode made available to our other IHP podcast platforms. IHP content is for people who are interested in topics, stories, & guidance for personal development, self-help, spirituality journey, the 5D mystic path, & enlightenment the human way. It's for those who choose the human love narrative, not the human suffering narrative. Don't tune in if you don't love life and humanity because this won't be for you. Don't tune in if you still believe in evil or the devil. Topic not ideal for ego-sensitive or emotionally sensitive (on any/all life - including socio-pol-eco - topics) people. Please do not tune in. Thank you! All IHP content resonates with people who want to achieve enlightenment the human way. IHP podcast host Maria Florio shares voices, stories and perspectives from her 5D mystic enlightenment functional adult life to give examples of what it's like to know emotional self-regulation skills, experience secure attachment, have functional adult conversations and experience 5D relationships (5D and beyond vibing people). You hear about how easy it is to be yourself, to pursue inner growth, to unconditionally love, to have compassion, and live your best life with outer and inner-well being in the forefront. Also explored, how to communicate and handle emotionally insecure adaptive children grown ups, the 3D or 4D vibing individuals, those who stay within insecure emotional human suffering vibration experience and mindset, or who hold drama as the go-to in relationships, or use projection due to unresolved and unaddressed trauma, attachment wounds, and inner child wounds that come up in their behavior. Since trauma is relational and intimacy necessary to heal it, through Maria's stories and perspectives people get an idea of securely attached options on how to handle projection to the best of your ability and create a safe environment for another person to heal or for you to set a healthy boundary if the person bringing the projection (3D/4D drama vibe) is not seeking to move beyond their safety behavior/unresolved trauma emotional response. All of what we do in our day-to-day relationships, conversations, and interactions can bring the potential for healing and expansion of consciousness. The content is for people who are or want to be self-aware, accountable & want to establish functional adult secure attachment emotionally mature behaviors & relationships in life. Your humanity is living a life of meaning & connection beyond the solo-self, as is the true spirituality life. We welcome all people of all walks of life to reclaim their inner child & live their inner child adult, to pursue integration of the brain & restorative embodied self-aware life in time & through healthy self-worth functional adult secure attachment 5D relationships. IHP podcast host Maria Florio shares voices, stories & perspectives from her 5D mystic enlightenment functional adult life to give examples of what it's like to know emotional self-regulation skills, experience secure attachment, have functional adult conversations & experiences & 5D relationships. This and more is what the IHP content and community is all about. Welcome and thanks for tuning in! Love, Maria, your 5D mystic enlightenment functional adult woo-woo pseudoscience lady IHP podcast host talking about the amazing journey of human evolution & consciousness♾️

It's Amazon Prime Day this week so I wanted to share with you all of my favorite woo woo buys from Amazon. Tune in to hear more about my faves and how I use them in all my woo woo practices. Beauty/Body Care Ayurvedic shampoo Ayurvedic conditioner Paul Mitchell Clean Beauty shampoo Paul Mitchell Clean Beauty conditioner Aveda Be Curly prep cream Honesty Company unscented body wash Filtering shower head Primal Life Organics gum drops Uncle Harry's toothpaste Epsom muscle recovery roller Glass perfume bottles for oils (large and small) Spiritual Tools Palo Santo incense set Smudge feather Copalera Copal resin Coal disks Wild Unknown archetype deck Spirit Junkie affirmation deck Power Animals oracle card deck To Wear Period Swimsuit True & Co bras Nippies nipple covers Fake nose rings Sanuk yoga mat flip flops To Read Celtic Wheel of the Year book Mindful Loving book Belonging book Susan Seddon Boulet Goddess paintings and Shaman paintings Plants of the Gods book Healing Wise book Joe Dispenza books The Hidden Messages in Water book Food and Beverage Tia Lupita tortillas Dry roasted edamame Nettle tea Burdock tea Dandelion tea Reverse Osmosis water filter system Aussie trace minerals Mushroom glass cold cup Circadian/Light Health Hooga light bulbs Red light bulb Hooga night lights Blue light blockers Blue light blockers kids Battery alarm clock Retro alarm clock Supplements Wellness Formula Wellness Formula kids chewables Wellness Formula kids liquid Hyland Naturals kids day and night liquid Magnesium glycinate Young Living Peace and Calming oil DoTerra DigestZen oil Not on Amazon but still recommend: LMNT electrolytes (when you buy a box, I get a free box!) Prima CBD cream (75% off for July 4 sale) CHANI deck of plenty CHANI planner Hannah pad organic pads and period underwear (BOGO in July) VivaRays blue blockers that I use (get the orange lenses or the 3-in-1) Other episodes mentioned: 186. 10 things that make it easy for me to eat healthy when I travel 163. Rewild Your Light (Light as Nutrition) 164. Rewild Your Frequency (Quantum Health for Beginners) 144. How I eat keto when I'm sick Let's Go Deeper Together Join the ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Wild Wellness Women's Circle⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (monthly membership) Enroll in ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Rewild Your Wellness⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (lifetime access online course) Learn more about ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠one-on-one coaching⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Free Resources Feel how you want to feel NOW with my ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Free Desire Map⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ FREE Masterclass: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Discover Your Spiritual Gifts ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Sign up for a FREE 1:1 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠coaching curiosity call⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Let's Connect! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠YouTube⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

This episode is a summer life update! This is all the stuff I've shared with my girlfriends over coffee lately: My latest psychedelic trip to Mexico 6 things I'm doing to create a summer of sweetness with my 7 year old daughter Elsie Creative ways I've found to get work done while she's home with me this summer My recent travel adventures and upcoming travel plans The new exciting work dreams I'm pursuing and creating New things I'm learning, books I'm reading, shows I'm watching, and music I'm listening to Resources mentioned: Belonging book Mindful Loving book Mark Elmy Mayan calendar daily updates (sign up for his email updates) Diana Paez Mayan calendar daily updates (follow on IG) Learn your Mayan Cross (birth chart) Satsang on Spotify 6 things for a Summer of Sweetness Follow my dear sister and psychedelic therapist Alexa on IG and join her Tuesday night group therapy meetings (accessible $10-$30 per session) Rewild Your Light (Light as Nutrition) podcast episode How Psychedelics Expanded My Intuition podcast episode The Soul of Weight Loss podcast episode (psychedelic science in this) Let's Go Deeper Together Join the ⁠⁠⁠⁠Wild Wellness Women's Circle⁠⁠⁠⁠ (monthly membership) Enroll in ⁠⁠⁠⁠Rewild Your Wellness⁠⁠⁠⁠ (lifetime access online course) Learn more about ⁠⁠⁠⁠one-on-one coaching⁠⁠⁠⁠ Free Resources Feel how you want to feel NOW with my ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Free Desire Map⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ FREE Masterclass: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Discover Your Spiritual Gifts ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Sign up for a FREE 1:1 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠coaching curiosity call⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Let's Connect! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ YouTube ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Inviting in calm, strength, and steadiness, Jack leads a guided meditation into the heart of mindful loving awareness. This guided meditation was originally recorded on 2/19/2024 for the Spirit Rock Monday Night Dharma Talk and Meditation. Register to join Jack's next livestream at JackKornfield.com/events"Feel the weight of your body, gravity, and how the earth completely supports you when you let go into your seat. You're met by the strength and steadiness of the earth itself. You can rest on her. – Jack KornfieldIn this fresh episode, Jack leads a guided meditation for:Inviting in a sense of ease and calmRelaxing into mindful loving awarenessFinding a steady, grounded, rooted postureKeeping a natural, soft, and flowing breathQuieting the mind and watching experience unfoldNoticing the arising and passing away of all phenomenaAllowing yourself into rest, trust, and relaxation Learn to live beautifully with Jack Kornfield and Dr. Dan Siegel in their new online journey, Living Beautifully: Transformative Science and Mindfulness Practices to Cultivate a Wise HeartSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Chapter 1 What's How To Be An Adult In Relationships Book by David Richo"How To Be An Adult In Relationships" is a book by David Richo that explores how to cultivate healthy and fulfilling relationships as an adult. Richo discusses key principles and practices for building strong connections with others, such as setting boundaries, maintaining self-respect, practicing empathy and compassion, and communicating effectively. The book also offers insights on how to navigate common challenges in relationships, such as conflict, intimacy issues, and dealing with past traumas. Overall, "How To Be An Adult In Relationships" provides practical advice and wisdom for anyone looking to create more satisfying and meaningful connections with others.Chapter 2 Is How To Be An Adult In Relationships Book A Good BookThe book "How To Be An Adult In Relationships" by David Richo is highly recommended for individuals looking to develop healthy and fulfilling relationships. Richo offers insightful advice on how to communicate effectively, set boundaries, and navigate the complexities of adult relationships. Many readers have found this book to be valuable in understanding themselves and improving their interactions with others. Overall, this book is a good resource for anyone seeking to enhance their relationships and personal growth.Chapter 3 How To Be An Adult In Relationships Book by David Richo Summary"How to Be an Adult in Relationships" by David Richo is a guidebook for navigating the complex world of adult relationships. Richo, a therapist and author, provides insights and practical advice for developing mature, healthy relationships with others.The book explores the importance of self-awareness, communication, boundaries, and personal growth in creating fulfilling connections with others. Richo emphasizes the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own healing and growth in order to have successful relationships.Richo also discusses common relationship challenges such as conflicts, power struggles, and fear of intimacy, offering tools and strategies for overcoming these obstacles. He encourages readers to practice mindfulness, compassion, and forgiveness in their relationships, as well as to prioritize their own emotional well-being.Overall, "How to Be an Adult in Relationships" serves as a valuable resource for anyone seeking to improve their relationships and develop greater maturity in their interpersonal interactions. Richo's insights and guidance offer a roadmap for creating authentic, fulfilling connections with others. Chapter 4 How To Be An Adult In Relationships Book AuthorDavid Richo is a psychotherapist, teacher, and author who specializes in counseling and spiritual direction. He holds a Ph.D. in Psychology and is a licensed marriage and family therapist. "How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving" was first published in 2002. This book focuses on the importance of mindfulness and self-awareness in fostering healthy relationships. Some of David Richo's other popular books include:- "The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them"- "When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships"- "Daring to Trust: Opening Ourselves to Real Love and Intimacy"One of his most well-received books is "How to Be an Adult in Relationships," which has been praised for its practical advice, deep insights, and easy-to-understand language. This book has been revised and updated in multiple editions, making it a valuable resource for anyone seeking to improve their relationships.Chapter 5 How To Be An...

Exciting launch! Our very first Book Club show with Today Radio's Vanessa Phelan and Sarah Tapp. Every month we'll share recommendations and take on a new book, as voted by our readers. It all started with Sarah chatting about the wonderful interview she did with Dr. Susan Rogers on her tome about music cognition and cyberaustics: "This Is What It Sounds Like: What the Music You Love Says About You" And then the conversation took a book curve into what we're reading, what we've enjoyed over the past few months, and we thought it would be great to build a community around our love of books and reading. So here we are! We would love you to help build this community with ideas and recommendations. Each month we will try to bring recommendations and also include YOUR recommendations. You will have no doubt heard both of my colleagues on Today Radio as Sarah Tapp hosts The Hangover and Vanessa Phelan is a newsreader and contributing journalist for RTL Today. Here's a bit more about us... Well me you know about I guess as you're listening to the show. What's relevant and something I don't normally talk about is that I write and consult on children's science books for DK in the UK. You can find my books here. I love giving back to the science I once studied and with books, this is one avenue. I wrote the Mini Scientist series when my girls were tiny as I realised experimenting is our first language. Before words. Vanessa grew up in the States and moved to Luxembourg in 2017 after 12 years in Dublin. Aside from her work at RTL, Vanessa also works for a publisher of Irish language children's books. She is a lover of all kinds of fiction, whether mystery, romance, historical or just stories about people with messages and themes we can all relate to. She also loves to travel and so enjoys reading about far-flung and exotic places. Originally from Hawaii, Sarah studied Zen poetry in college and spent almost 15 years in Japan before relocating to Luxembourg in 2016. When she's not hosting The Hangover on Today Radio, Sarah is an avid reader who loves literary fiction, poetry, classics and memoir. Her unchecked obsession with One Direction fanfiction and inability to pronounce words correctly when reading aloud keep her from being an insufferable snob. Subscribe to the Podcast and get in touch! Please do subscribe to the podcast on Apple and / or Spotify. It would be great if you could rate and review too - helps others find us. Tune in on Today Radio Saturdays at 11am, Sundays at noon and Tuesdays at 10am. Vote on our next book We would really love you to vote on our next book! Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt Milkman by Anna Burns Books mentioned on today's show We spoke about so many books on this show. Let us know what you think of them! This Is What It Sounds Like: What the Music You Love Says About You by Susan Rogers and Ogi Ogas My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She's Sorry and other books by Fredrik Backman The Thursday Murder Club by Richard Osman Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt Olive Kitteridge and other books by Elizabeth Strout A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk Sorrow and Bliss by Meg Mason Fanfiction (we recommend Archive of Our Own (AO3)) Yellowface by R.F. Kuang The Wife's Tale: A Personal History by Aida Edemariam Oh My God, What a Complete Aisling by Emer McLysaght & Sarah Breen The Covenant of Water by Abraham Verghese Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts No Friend but the Mountains: Writing from Manus Prison by Behrouz Boochani Chocolat and Five Quarters of the Orange by Joanne Harris Beach Read by Emily Henry (Sarah said “Book Lovers” but this is the one she meant!) The Book of Longings by Sue Monk Kidd Hamnet and other books by Maggie O'Farrell Prophet Song by Paul Lynch My Policeman by Bethan Roberts Windswept & Interesting by Billy Connolly Memoirs and biographies of Victoria Beckham, Britney Spears, Elon Musk, Steve Jobs and Diana, Princess of Wales Ducks, Newburyport by Lucy Ellmann Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving by David Richo Milkman by Anna Burns Books mentioned on today's show We spoke about so many books on this show. Let us know what you think of them! This Is What It Sounds Like: What the Music You Love Says About You by Susan Rogers and Ogi Ogas My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She's Sorry and other books by Fredrik Backman The Thursday Murder Club by Richard Osman Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt Olive Kitteridge and other books by Elizabeth Strout A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk Sorrow and Bliss by Meg Mason Fanfiction (we recommend Archive of Our Own (AO3)) Yellowface by R.F. Kuang The Wife's Tale: A Personal History by Aida Edemariam Oh My God, What a Complete Aisling by Emer McLysaght & Sarah Breen The Covenant of Water by Abraham Verghese Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts No Friend but the Mountains: Writing from Manus Prison by Behrouz Boochani Chocolat and Five Quarters of the Orange by Joanne Harris Beach Read by Emily Henry (Sarah said “Book Lovers” but this is the one she meant!) The Book of Longings by Sue Monk Kidd Hamnet and other books by Maggie O'Farrell Prophet Song by Paul Lynch My Policeman by Bethan Roberts Windswept & Interesting by Billy Connolly Memoirs and biographies of Victoria Beckham, Britney Spears, Elon Musk, Steve Jobs and Diana, Princess of Wales Ducks, Newburyport by Lucy Ellmann Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving by David Richo Milkman by Anna Burns

What is one thing you can do for your tomorrow self today? The answer to this question will give you all the material you need to create love notes for yourself, i.e. beautiful gestures throughout the house to help ease that scattered ADHD brain of yours. We're going to talk about:How the book “Mindful Loving” by Henry Grayson changed the way Stacey looks at relationships and herself (hint: It's the opposite of the famous “You complete me” line from Jerry Maguire.)The importance of loving — and taking care of — ourselves in our ADHD Motherhood. As we've learned in past episodes, nobody is coming into save us. We have to be our own "prince charming"How Stacey's morning workout routine lead to her epiphany of “love notes,” completely changing her morning experience, most mornings at least.A laundry list of love notes for you to try, and the way you can create love notes that work for you and your life.Things referenced in this episode:"Mindful Loving" by Henry GraysonCycle Sync With Me Part 1Cycle Sync With Me Part 2To join our ADHD Mom Club, click here to sign up for the waitlist: https://www.motherplusser.com/ADHD-mom-club-waitlistTo download our free ADHD Meditation, click here: https://www.motherplusser.com/ADHD-meditationMOTHER PLUS INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/mother_plus_podcast/MOTHER PLUS FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/motherpluspodcastMOTHER PLUS PERMISSION SLIP: https://www.motherplusser.com/Permission-SlipMOTHER PLUS NEWSLETTER: https://www.motherplusser.com/signup-pageMOTHER PLUS BLOG: https://www.motherplusser.com/blog

Okay, lovely listeners, let's do a little exercise. [And no, I'm not asking you to break a sweat in this episode.]Close your eyes and think back to when you and your partner were first together. It was all giggles and romance and constant romps in the bedroom, am I right?Keep ‘em closed…What does it look like today? Have you entered Marriage Inc.? Friendly routines and business as usual? Scheduling and rescheduling sex that you're only kinda, sorta interested in?Dr. Cheryl Fraser is overflowing with wisdom (and redeeming humility) when it comes to long term relationships, finding fine, and then not settling for anything other than exceptional. She shares familiar anecdotes that we all fall into that affect our internal happiness and our relationships.Pining after a fictional soulmate, focusing on what you're getting rather than what you're giving, hyper fixating on the traits your partner doesn't have over what they do—all common stories that ring true to the philosophy that whether you're happy or not depends on your mind. She offers solutions and habits to debunk these inner thoughts and do the work on the outside. And she dispels the not so golden rule everyone's heard: Never Go To Bed Angry. Resonating? I thought so. Rate your relationship with Dr. Cheryl's Passion Quiz and tune in for the full episode.Now, try some of the tips in this episode and go give your partner a smooch! xxWhat's Inside:Why you shouldn't settle for fine in your long term relationship. Why romance and passion is important. Tips and advice to rewrite the stories in your mind.You never know: 1 rule to follow before leaving your loved ones.Is it really okay to go to bed angry?Have you entered Marriage incorporated? What sort of inner stories have led to this and what are you going to do to rewrite them? Let me know on Insta!Mentioned In This Episode:Sign up for weekly love bytes -Science based Tips and Techniques to create Love that Lasts a Lifetime Rate your relationship - Take the Passion QuizInterested in the Become Passion online couples program? Next session begins Spring 2024. Learn more and get on the waitlist to be the first to be notified when doors open hereBook Buddha's Bedroom - A Mindful Loving Path to Sexual Passion and Lifelong IntimacyPodcast Sex Love and Elephants with Dr. CherylFit Feels Good (@oonaghduncan) on Instagraminfo@fitfeelsgood.com 

Oftentimes in our quest to have a deeper, more intimate marriage, it's really not a question of whether you want to be loved or loved more. It's really a question of a capacity to love or be loved more. In my work with couples and individuals, helping them grow intimately in their marriages, one of the very first things I teach them is how to be more mindful. Most of us cruise through the day on autopilot, not quite aware of the thoughts that go through our head.  However, when we develop the skill of slowing down and observing our thoughts, we can then shape our thinking to higher levels. In the past, as a Christian, I thought that the whole mindfulness and meditation thing was for Zen Buddhists, but the more I dive into my own beliefs, I see mindfulness built right into my religious practices because what is prayer, the Sabbath, time in God's word, but an invitation for stillness and mindfulness.  Higher levels of thinking are required in order to grow one's capacity to love and be loved. And this has nothing to do with IQ. It has everything to do with learning how to be more present and honest with your thoughts.  That's why I'm so excited about my guest today. His name is Dr. Ty Mansfield. Ty is a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a professor of marriage and family life at Brigham Young University. I first came across Ty's work when I read his book on mindfulness and it changed the way I approached my life in so many aspects.  *** COUPLES RETREAT: I am so excited to announce that registration is now open for our next couples retreat March 14-17, 2024 in beautiful, sunny St. George, Utah, which is also my hometown. This retreat is ideal for couples that want to take the intimacy in their marriage to the next level. Watch some testimonials here! *** COACHING: Register any time for our coaching program, Next Level, for coaching resources, and a great community. *** WORKSHOP: Join us for our next workshop all about slow sex on November 22! And remember that all of our guides and workshops are 20% off this month!

Ask yourself: What are the ingredients of a strong relationship? Our guest today argues that they include paying attention to each other, accepting one another's quirks, showing appreciation, being affectionate, and giving each other the space you need to flourish. On some level, this may sound obvious—or even simple—but we all know it's far from easy. So, how do we actually do all this? How do we show up in our relationships in mature and balanced ways, deepen our connections, and make sure that our relationships are as strong and meaningful as possible? These are just some of the questions we explore in this episode. Host David B. Feldman speaks with Dr. David Richo, psychotherapist and author of more than 25 books, including How to be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving. The post 10/30/23 Being Mature in Relationships appeared first on KPFA.

What would it be like for you if you just let people be people without trying to change them or wish they were different? Your spouse, or your child, or your Mom, or that crazy neighbor? That's what acceptance is: Embracing people for who they are, with all their funny ways of doing things: that noise, that tick, that obsession, those things that drive you crazy.In this part-two episode, we're talking about Acceptance and Appreciation from David Ricoh's 5 A's to “Mindful Loving” to create more healthy relationships. Are you wondering how Life Coaching works? Would you like a free, 30-minute session? Click this link to set up a Consult Call: https://calendly.com/triciazodylifecoach/30minGet the free, printable guide here: www.triciazody.com/guideGrab the powerful 15 Questions that will give you clarity and confidence: www.triciazody.com/15questions

This week's show is with David Richo, Ph.D. David Richo, Ph.D. is a psychotherapist, a writer, and a popular workshop leader on personal and spiritual growth. He shares his time between Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. He combines psychological and spiritual perspectives in his work. His recent books are “Ready: How to Know when to Go and when to Stay” (Shambhala, 2022) and “To Thine Own Self Be True: Shakespeare as Therapist and Spiritual Guide” (Paulist Press, 2023). He received his BA in psychology from Saint John's Seminary in Brighton, Massachusetts in 1962, his MA in counseling psychology from Fairfield University in 1969, and his PhD in clinical psychology from Sierra University in 1984. Since 1976, Richo has been a licensed marriage, family, and child counselor in California. He teaches courses at Santa Barbara City College and the University of California Berkeley at Berkeley and has taught at the Esalen Institute, Pacifica Graduate Institute, and Santa Barbara Graduate Institute. He is a clinical supervisor for the Community Counseling Center in Santa Barbara, California. Richo is known for incorporating Buddhism, poetry, and Jungian perspectives in his work. He authored the books "How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving," "The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find in Embracing Them," "When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships," "Shadow Dance: Liberating the Power and Creativity of Your Dark Side," "The Power of Coincidence: How Life Shows Us What We Need to Know," and "Being True to Life: Poetic Paths to Personal Growth." In this conversation, David and I explored knowing when we or our clients are ready to choose to make big changes, the mysterious nature of the right timing, and the role of grace. We'd love to know what YOU think about this week's show. Let's carry on the conversation… please leave a comment below or share in our fb group. What you'll learn from this episode: There's a point at which we know when we're ready to make a change, this isn't something that is logical or external - learning to honour that as both individuals and change workers is vital When we attempt to apply broad brush strokes, cultural norms or formulas to ourselves or our clients, we miss the unique nature of each person and the timing that is right I love how David spoke about the role of grace providing synchronicities and insights… there's something greater at play than our ego when it comes to change, and actually life as a whole - we are not in control The presence of Grace David Richo and Lian with their respective statues of Our Lady of Guadlupe, mentioned in the show   Resources and stuff that we spoke about: For David's books, talks, and events visit his website: https://davericho.com/ Thank you for listening! There's a fresh episode each week, if you subscribe then you'll get each new episode delivered to your phone every week automagically (that way you'll never miss an episode): Subscribe on Apple Podcasts/iTunes Subscribe on Android Thank you! Lian and Jonathan

Enjoy a new loving awareness meditation with Wellness Within Founder, Patti Brown. It is specifically designed to begin the process of being with and understanding your fear, without it overtaking you. Wellness Within is the realization of a dream for Patti. After 20 years in private practice as a psychotherapist, she decided to honor the tugging at her heart and open a grassroots organization to serve a community dealing with cancer and its aftermath.  It is her life's work to teach, support, and mobilize the body and mind for healing.  Learn more on our website at: www.wellnesswithin.org.Patti actively incorporates her training in mind-body medicine to support a community of people struggling with a cancer diagnosis. The Center's belief is based on honoring the integration of medical treatments with mind-body practices that enhance one's quality of life with dignity and hope.  As the founder of Wellness Within, she understands the profound impact a life-threatening illness brings, and the significance of pulling together a caring, loving community to provide support, comfort and healing.This podcast is sponsored in part by UC Davis Health, Elizabeth A. Harmon D.D.S., and Columbia Bank. It is offered freely to ensure everyone has access to these practices and conversations offered by Wellness Within Cancer Support Services. If you feel inspired to donate to support Wellness Within offerings, please visit www.wellnesswithin.org/giveBEACON is a self-paced online system that provides cancer patients, caregivers, and survivors a place to learn and practice wellness. It is designed to support the individual based on where they are in their cancer experience. Enroll at https://beacon.wellnesswithin.org/Support the show

Guest Hector Bolaños unapologetically shares his deepest  vulnerable relationship moments which led him to write a mindfulness book called "Get your love right" https://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Love-Right-Conflict-Free/dp/B09KN2PQD5/ref=sr_1_1?crid=30375A2YW4V4T&keywords=get+your+love+right&qid=1641244804&sprefix=get+your+love+%2Caps%2C145&sr=8-1

"As we practice unconditional trustworthiness, we notice a healing result: we are no longer devastated when others fail us. Our focus has shifted from ourselves as victims of others' betrayals of fidelity to our own commitment to trustworthiness. We still see that some people are not trustworthy, and we feel sad and injured. But as long as we do not follow suit, we are not so hurt as we once were—and we like ourselves more. This does not mean that we have become naive or gullible. It actually shows that we trust ourselves more. Then we become more discriminating in recognizing trustworthiness in others." —David Richo, author of Daring to Trust: Opening Ourselves to Real Love & Intimacy Often the word trust is expressed as a fundamental desire to find in other people, but what often is forgotten is how we play a role in both being fully trustworthy, but also trusting ourselves. Having self-trust, David Richo shares in his book Daring to Trust is one of the four types of trust we must possess in order to live a deeply enriching and fulfilling life. What are the other three types of trust you may be wondering? We will talk about those in today's post/episode. Over the course of this podcast, I have shared many discoveries from a vast range of books on how to improve the skills that will improve the quality of our lives (see the list of the most recent, the past two years, below). I found it especially poignant and timely that I read Daring to Trust as the year 2021 wound down. #318: How to Become a Secure Adult in Relationships, inspired by the book Attached #287: 5 Things to Do to Build Healthy Relationships and 4 Things Let Go (inspired by David Richo's first book - How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The 5 Keys to Mindful Loving) #307: How to Step into your Fullest True Self, inspired by Martha Beck's book The Way of Integrity #301: The Courage to Live Fully & Deeply, inspired by the book The Courage to Be Disliked #275: 34 Ways to Attain Emotional Freedom and Cultivate More Joy of Living, inspired by Judith Orloff's book Emotional Freedom #293: Choose a Life You Love Living Each Day (yes, it is possible), inspired by the book Nonviolent Communication: The Language of Life blog post: 9 Ways to Think Like a Monk, as taught by Jay Shetty Often we aren't certain or cannot pinpoint what exactly is preventing us from living a life of true contentment. Perhaps we have come quite close, have felt it from time to time, but not consistently. There are moments of deep fulfillment and peace, but it eludes us at other times, and we wonder what we have done wrong. For me, after reading the following books listed above (link to the episode each book inspired), I felt confident I had the ingredients to live a life of everyday contentment, and largely I did, but the said contentment would flit away when certain moments would present themselves, and so I kept searching. I told myself, there must be a missing ingredient I have overlooked. I must have missed a crucial skill for holding myself steadily in contentment each day. Turns out it was understanding what true trust is and how to be fully trustworthy all the while acknowledging that we (and others) are human. Both of these concepts are what will be discussed in today's episode/post. First, let's find common ground on what trust is. David Richo defines it simply as reliance on reliability. He underscores, "[Trust] is not dependency but rather an inner assurance, a confidence that gives us a sense of security." 1. Strengthen your trust IQ: Know when to walk away "We trust others when we feel safe and secure in their presence. Our insistence that we will spend time only with those with whom we feel safe increases our trust IQ. Over time, we become more adept at telling the difference between a con artist and a straight-up guy. When we feel unsafe with someone and still stay with them, we damage our ability to discern trustworthiness in those we will meet in the future." Understanding true trust in others and exercising trustworthiness in how we live our lives gives us the tools to know when to stay and when to leave. Richo's quote above brings to our attention the importance of how we hurt this skill of discernment each time we distrust what we know about trust. When we know we can trust, "we know longer have to protect ourselves" and the cultivation of true intimacy becomes possible. But first, what is adult trust? In other words, what is the trust we need to understand? 2. What is trust, adult trust? When I read the first chapter of David Richo's book I became immediately aware of how I had approached trust incorrectly throughout my adult life. I had placed the responsibility on the other to show trust or to be trustworthy, placing the power in someone else; however, I had it backwards and I disempowered myself in the process. Let me explain: Adult trust is "I trust myself with whatever you do" instead of "You will never hurt me." Sounds crazy to choose to let go of the latter statement, but again, you are taking back your power, taking responsibility for being trustworthy and being able to accurately determine if someone is available to be trusted. Richo points out that when we make this shift to adult trust, we remove the victim mentality and own our life, our choices and honor ourselves which improves our ability to observe those who are capable of being trusted as we move forward. By putting the trust in ourselves to discern if others are trustworthy, knowing we can walk away at the worst of it, speak up with assertiveness (not aggression) we exhibit security in ourselves. And when we demonstrate we are a secure individual, we attract healthier individuals to us as we are not seen as a burden to someone else, not seen as a victim in need of someone else's care. 3. True trust takes time As much as we desire to flat out trust the person who captures our eye, our libido, our hopes, to say we fully trust someone so quickly is foolhardy. In fact, we must count ourselves fortunate if we grew up in a family home where a healthy installation of trust as Richo calls it was part of our upbringing because we will know what true trust looks and feels like in others as we navigate into our adult lives. However, if such a childhood was not part of our life story, it is important to learn what true trust is so that we will begin to seek out those we can trust and let go of those we cannot. We forget that as a baby, our whole lives were placed in the responsibility and care of adults we didn't get to choose. Over the course of our childhood - 18 years or so - we either have a mountain of evidence that our parents were trustworthy to provide security and care or we don't, but it took time, and our parents were not perfect, so they made mistakes, but most likely, they are people you could trust. The imperfection is important to note, as is the time factor. Trust takes time. No matter how attracted you are to someone, no matter how hotly charged the chemistry that runs between you two, neither have anything to do with whether or not you can trust them. You may want to trust them, but you do not have enough experience with them, time with them or exploration of them to know whether you can or not. What does taking time to trust look like? We open a space to explore and let someone in, but gradually. We move forward when appropriate and accept when moving on is what will fit best based on the response or lack thereof from the other We keep our ego in check - we are not entitled to someone else's trust no matter how badly we want them to trust us. The building of trust is a two-way street, and each of us are in different vehicles having traveled different life journeys with trust. If someone hurts our trust as we have been open to them, we tell them - clearly but with courtesy - so they can know, and we can set a boundary and we observe if they learn from it (or visa versus - we listen we someone tells us we have hurt them and apply the lesson). Let self-disclosure happen in increments, not all at once. We are investigating with each interaction, listening closely, opening up gradually, and observing to see if the 5 A's (shared below) are present all the while exercising the 5 A's with each engagement. We engage with loving kindness, and also are loyal to an "unconditional yes to what is". We accept reality. We cannot control the other, only ourselves. We only have control over our own trustworthiness. "Our companion practice of the unconditional yes to what is directs us to be thankful for trustworthiness from others when it comes our way and be open to disappointment sometimes too." 4. Often sex is desired when it is trust we seek "Regarding touching, it is central to trusting." While there are the five languages of love as Gary Chapman talks about in his book which was the central focus of episode #87 - Romantic Love: What is it and How to Maintain It, touch is often something each of us is starved for. Healthy touch, loving touch, a safe touch. Richo brings to our attention that "in adulthood we may look to sex as a substitute for the touch and holding we need" when what we are actually seeking is a heart connection which can happen in many other ways of touching. However, because we know that other forms of touching prompt great emotional response, we are fearful of the emotion that will arise, so the sex gives us temporarily what we long for, but isn't fulfilling if it isn't with someone we trust. On the trustworthy side, which is something we have entire control over (we'll talk about what that is in the next point), when we trust ourselves (self-trust) we aren't afraid to express our emotions or let ourselves feel the emotions we have while with another, and so we are able to let go of our unnecessary inhibitions and extend touch - whether in an arm around the shoulder, a touch of the hand or a kiss. All of these actions again are exchanged with someone we trust and motivated by sincere exchange of feeling knowing the person with whom we are exchanging feels safe with us. 5. Be wholly trustworthy in your daily actions When we are trustworthy, David Richo explains, we are living with and engaging with the world with integrity and loving kindness. When we act with integrity, we may be rejected, we may even be laughed at, but because we are mature enough to understand how trust can be built with another, the opinions of those who reject or laugh or scoff matter less because we have strengthened our inner resources and know to walk away. We do not take revenge, retaliate or act in a way that is against our integrity, but instead engage with loving kindness. Richo shares this detailed list of the many ways you express loving kindness and integrity. Here is just a taste: do your best to keep your commitments, honor your word and follow through on tasks committed to take care of your body and your health (mental and physical) forgo taking advantage of others in a vulnerable situation simply because I have authority or the power to do so refrain from ingratiating myself to gain approval appreciate the love given, and have no expectations that I receive it ask for what I need with assertiveness, not aggression - ask for the love I long for otherwise how will someone know? accept, without judgment, the given of sudden unexplained absence, ghosting, or the silent treatment by others and do not use those styles myself 6. Build a full and healthy life: Rely on your partner for only 25% of your needs fulfillment It is not just a romantic partner we shouldn't rely on for more than 25% of our needs fulfillment but any one person. Why? If we remain in the child-parent trust model which is a survival approach, we are in a dependency-relationship which thwarts any attempt for a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Ironically, we are programmed to have our survival needs met - the child-parent model - but we must shift away from this comfort seeking and step into the challenge approach to living which requires that we become more comfortable with the unknown and cultivate more self-trust (we'll talk about this type of trust below). The shift occurs when we start seeking safety and security from within rather than outside of ourselves. When we make this shift, our world changes for the better. Our days and relationships more enriching and our contentment grounding. Richo shares a quote from Henry David Thoreau which I found quite succinct and accurate to describe what we seek in relationships, "I will come to you, my friend, when I no longer need you. Then you will find a palace, not an almshouse." So where does the rest of our need fulfillment come from if only 25% can come from any one person? It comes from the healthy social circle and self-care you have thoughtfully nurtured over time, and that doesn't just mean people. In this post, I share a list of different connections and relationships worth investing in and then in this post share the elements of a strong social well-being. Simply put, your friends, family, yes, even your pets, and of course your career, spiritual practice, Mother Nature and any other resource that strengthens your sense of safety and security make up the remaining 75% of your needs fulfillment. 7. Exercise, as well as be able to identify, the five A's In episode #287 - 5 Things to Do to Build Healthy Relationships, David Richo's first book How to Be An Adult in Relationships: The 5 Keys to Mindful Loving inspired the content. Detailing the five A's necessary to be exercised by both individuals in any mutually satisfying and fulfilling relationships, these 5 A's play a fundamental part in building trust. What are the A's? Attention Acceptance Appreciation Affection Allowing We are being trustworthy when we express each of these in relationships. We know someone is worthy of being trusted when they exercise them in return. (read this post to explore each of the A's in more detail). 8. When we have self-trust, there is no need, or desire, to control others "The yes of surrender to the limits in our relationship leads to serenity, the safety and security that happen from within us. Such surrender is our proof to ourselves that we really can trust ourselves. We begin to redirect our trust, an empowering venture." An intimate relationship takes time to build as both involved have taken the time to show they are trustworthy. When we trust the other, we gradually and then more largely surrender, and surrendering is possible because we hold fast and steadily to strong trust of ourselves. The surrendering has as much to do with being with another human being as it has to do with letting our feelings be what they will be in the midst of all the experiences that will arise. And letting ourselves fully feel these feelings without suppression. I speak largely of the awesome feelings that we may have thought were never possible. We are more comfortable with surrender because we trust ourselves to respond rather than react, to speak up with assertiveness not aggression when our needs are not being met as well as knowing what our needs are and why because we have done the homework of ourselves as well as acknowledged that we are still growing and learning and evolving. Richo writes about men in American culture and how often when men deny or step away from the potential of a relationship with a real, healthy and secure individual, stating the reason is because they fear losing their freedom, it is actually an inaccurate reason. Let me explain. If the person they are stepping towards is indeed real, secure and has self-trust, then what men actually fear is not the loss of their freedom, but rather the feelings that may arise when they surrender themselves to what the relationship, what the intimacy, may actually be and who they will become when they surrender to the truth of what they feel. In other words, two self-trusting adults who exchange all of the 5 A's create a space, a life of fulfillment without controlling the other. Why? Because we are not forcing the other to be engaged with us. They want to be with us because we each find comfort, affirmation, love and community with each other. It feels good because it is good to feel our best, and if we feel our best with them, even when we unintentionally make mistakes or life trips us up, so long as we are acting with integrity and loving kindness, the intimacy remains and actually strengthens. Such strength in a relationship takes time to build, just as trust does and that is why true intimacy, true fulfillment, true love, takes time and is never at first sight. 9. Strengthen your core trust and become curious about your own life journey Essentially our core trust is acceptance in the reality of the world. A letting go, a trusting in magic and truth of things beyond our control. It doesn't mean we do not engage or act passively, but we do not strangle life. We let it unfold while dancing with it. When we exercise our core trust we "generate a calm abiding, a serenity that energizes. The opposite of being in control is resting secure and being alert to what comes next." "To open to reality is to turn toward it and to trust that it makes room for us in that very same moment . . . all this happens as we let go of control and stay with whatever happens until it transforms." Understanding what core trust is and how it can open up our lives was an aha moment for me. In many ways over the past 12 years I have been exercising a core trust even though I was doing so unconsciously. When we take our life experiences and mine them for wisdom rather than wallow in them and lament about how things may have been different, we are choosing to embrace our journey and figure out what is our calling, how can we marry what we are passionate about with what the world needs - our dharma as Jay Shetty calls it and in so doing, our journey unfolds in ways we could never have imagined. We are open to possibility and brave enough to explore the unknown while staying grounded in our self-trust - our boundaries maintained, our values held once questioned and evaluated to truly be our own. "When I give up trying to direct the show and instead keep opening to how it unfolds, I unfold." Richo reminds that "without core trust, we can't relax our grasp and let reality unfold as it needs to . . . with core trust, we gain confidence that nothing can happen to us that does not offer a fulfillment of our ineradicable yearning for wholeness. Thus everything in our lives, whether from events or from people, is just what is needed for our unique story to be told." How exciting is that! How freeing is that to know that it is in the letting go, engaging, but not demanding or manipulating, that we actually infuse our life with awesome possibility. 10. As your trust strengthens, your wisdom grows "Wisdom requires us to open to what happens and be discriminating about what we let in." As we come to understand what constitutes trust in someone else, as we explore our own feelings to accurately access what our needs are and why we are feeling what we are feeling, as we communicate with assertiveness paired with courtesy our needs, as we experience the walking away and opening up to new people, as our self-trust grows, as our core trust grows, we are better able to know who to begin letting into our lives and who to walk past. 11. Understand where the need to control originates "Our need to control is actually not a need; it is a panic that our needs will not be met unless we take full charge." Richo's explanation of the truth he states above prompted many lightbulb moments to go off in my own head. I found myself shaking my head in agreement, acknowledging the truth of my own desire to control in a variety of different instances in my life, and I felt grateful to finally have found his insights as they helped me better understand myself. The truth is, when we demand to control, we let go of the core trust we must have in order to live a life of fulfillment. The ego wins when we require something go exactly our way, and when the ego wins, we are relinquishing the belief in our own powers. We are far more capable than we acknowledge in such moments, and letting the ego win keeps us in a state of dependency rather than trust in the world around us and in ourselves. 12. The four directions we give our trust In today's episode so far we have talked about self-trust (#8) and core trust (#9), and now I would like to talk about the other two because once we have all four types of trust being exercised in our lives, the quality of our relationships and our experience of life, thus a life of fulfillment, elevates. When we exercise self-trust we become better able to determine who is trustworthy and who to continue to get to know in a variety of types of relationships. Exercising self-trust in this way ushers in the third type of trust - interpersonal trust. Interpersonal trust - Richo defines it as "we believe that they have our best interests at heart. We trust that they will come through for us, stand by us, and be there for us when we need them. We believe they will not knowingly or purposely betray, disappoint, deceive or hurt us. If they do, we trust ourselves to handle those experiences by grieving and attempting to reconcile if that is appropriate to the situation." As we nurture a variety of interpersonal relationships of trust, we make sure not to place more than 25% of our needs in any one relationship. We do so because we trust ourselves, we have a core trust and, to introduce the fourth type of trust, we have trust in a higher power. Do not jump to conclusions. A "higher power" as defined by Richo "can mean belief in a personal God or in any force or spirit in nature or the universe that transcends ego and can be relied upon for grace and support. In many ways, our core trust and trust in a higher power are one. Richo is not saying our destiny has already been pre-ordained or even that there is intervention by something we don't understand. No. What he is saying is that we can have "confidence that no power on earth can hold us captive to hate or prohibit us from loving." This does not require us to have faith in a literal God, but rather to understand something we cannot fully understand but have the courage to believe in the 'friendliness of the universe'. Richo goes on to talk about Grace-full Coincidence in his epilogue, further encouragement to each of us to let go, act with integrity and loving kindness in each of our days, be engaged with the world, but not demanding, and trust in something magical. He poses this question: Does the universe position things so carefully that our hearts can open at just the right time? What mysterious power makes it all come together just like that? Is it that friendly? How can we ever doubt that we can dare to trust? My immediate response and annotation in my book was, I hope so. And so I am consciously daring to trust, to open my heart to that possibility and take control of what I can, which is only myself and how I engage. Remembering to exercise the 5 A's, remove the stories from my mind and walk with patience and self-trust along with all of the other trusts, grateful for the gift of being here on this earth. I dare you to do the same and am confident your life journey will delight and amaze you when you do. Explore the full book here. Petit Plaisir —John Coltrane's Giant Steps album https://youtu.be/30FTr6G53VU ~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #319 ~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate:  iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify | Amazon Music

**find the video podcast of this episode here: https://youtu.be/rd_TNN8Wbek!**Alisia Young interviews Dave Richo, PhD, MFT, the author of How To Be An Adult: A Handbook On Psychological And Spiritual Integration (see bio below).Resources Recommended by Dave Richo:1. Affirmations for "Letting Go of Fear" [audio/video] -  https://davericho.com/free-book/2. Shadow Dance: Liberating the Power and Creativity of Your Dark Side [book] - https://davericho.com/books/ 3. Dave Richo's talk on the "Shadow" [video] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCD_6TEBQWI4. How To Be An Adult: A Handbook on Psychological and Spiritual Integration [book] - https://davericho.com/books/5. When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds That Sabotage Our Relationships [book] - https://davericho.com/books/6. How To Be An Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving [book] - https://davericho.com/books/Connect & Contact Dave Richo:Website - https://davericho.com/Connect & Contact Alisia:Congrats Superwoman: When You've Climbed the Mountain and Still Don't Feel Good Enough - https://amzn.to/3nJcATHEat 'N' Live Free Youtube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQfB...Eat 'N' Live Free Website - www.eatnlivefree.comTeach Me Freedom Contact - teachmefreedom2020@gmail.comInstagram: @teachmefreedom2020Dave Richo's Bio:David Richo, PhD, MFT, is a psychotherapist, teacher, workshop leader, and writer who works in Santa Barbara and San Francisco California. He combines Jungian, poetic, and mythic perspectives in his work with the intention of integrating the psychological and the spiritual. His books and workshops include attention to Buddhist and Christian spiritual practices.Connect & Contact Alisia: hello@teachmefreedom.ca Teach Me Freedom Website - www.teachmefreedom.ca Eat 'N' Live Free Website - www.eatnlivefree.com

Henry Grayson is the author of Mindful Loving: 10 Practices for Creating Deeper Connections. Henry has lectured widely across the U.S. and abroad at professional conferences, retreat centers, libraries, schools, churches and synagogues. Dr. Grayson continues the practice of spiritually oriented psychotherapy in New York City and Westport, CT. More information about the guest can be found at http://www.naturallifestyle.net/profiles/Henry-Grayson-PhD-1092

Henry Grayson is the author of Mindful Loving: 10 Practices for Creating Deeper Connections. Henry has lectured widely across the U.S. and abroad at professional conferences, retreat centers, libraries, schools, churches and synagogues. Dr. Grayson continues the practice of spiritually oriented psychotherapy in New York City and Westport, CT. More information about the guest can be found at www.naturallifestyle.net/profiles/Henry-Grayson-PhD-1092

Attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. These five words (Richo's "Five A's") are necessary ingredients to any healthy relationship, but many of us don't start off with them in our relationship pantry. In this episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, co-host Yael is joined by Dr. Dave Richo, author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving. Join us as Yael and Dave discuss the power of the Five A's. You'll learn how fulfilling these needs affects both our personal growth and our behavior in relationships. So grab your partner (and your ingredients!), and join Yael and Dave today to learn more about how to be an adult in your relationship.  Listen and Learn:  Yael and Debbie's real life hacks to meeting “The Five A's”What makes Dave's, How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving, so enduringly helpful for peopleDave's expert breakdown of the ideal goals for adults in relationshipsProfessional, evidence-based advice for how to (healthily) orient around “The Five A's” in your relationshipHow your childhood experiences may be impacting your relationship The way mindfulness applies to relationshipsDave's approach to productively reframing and working with blame and feelings of rage towards your partnerAbout avoiding landslides of grief in relationships when years-old mountains of ill will loom nearby (and why it's important to fully experience that grief instead!)Practical exercises for reframing your orientation in unhealthy relationships How Dave and Yael might apply “The Five A's” and some of Dave's tools in therapy with a couple (READ: free thought-exercise for therapists listening in!)What to do when you're feeling unloved or unlovable Resources: Dave's book, How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful LovingDave's book, Triggers: How We Can Stop Reacting and Start HealingAnger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by Thich Nhat HanhThe New York Times breakdown of Harry Potter, So You Know Nothing About ‘Harry Potter'? Let's Catch You Up    About Dave Richo: David Richo, PhD, MFT, is a psychotherapist, teacher, workshop leader, and writer who works in Santa Barbara and San Francisco California. He combines Jungian, poetic, and mythic perspectives in his work with the intention of integrating the psychological and the spiritual. His books and workshops include attention to Buddhist and Christian spiritual practices. One of his best sellers, How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving, is going to be coming into its 20th anniversary this fall. Find out more about Dr. Richo on his website, davericho.com.  Related Episodes: Episode 61. Becoming Our Best Relationship Selves By Identifying Core Values And Schemas With Dr. Avigail Lev    Episode 120. Use DBT Skills To Regulate Emotions And Be More Effective In Relationships With Dr. Matthew McKayEpisode 168. Everyday Conversations: How Conversational Style Impacts Relationships with Deborah TannenEpisode 176. Fair Play with Eve Rodsky Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Finally! A description of each of the 5As of Mindful Loving from David Richo's book, How to Be An Adult in Relationships, The Five Keys to Mindful Loving. Plus, clearing out the rest of my Box of Trinkets. Relax, Educate, Inspire, Intrigue, or Bore You To Sleep

"We are born with a capacity to dance together but not with the necessary training." —David Richo As soon as I read the first line in chapter one shown above, the analogy made crystal clear sense of my ignorance about relationships and how to navigate past it: I needed to learn HOW to love, not just want to love and want to be loved. Love, as the oft mentioned quote reminds is a verb, but even if we accept this truth, we have to learn how to exercise this action, and we have to be willing to let go of so much incorrect and unhelpful advice in order to find the peace and contentment we seek. Today's episode can help in all relationships you are engaged in. Fundamentally, the book was written in 2002 for readers trying to improve their romantic relationships, but indirectly, the skills and concepts shared will foster healthy relationships platonically from close friends and family members to acquaintances, neighbors and strangers we bump into along our travels and life journey. Recommended by my counselor, my copy of David Richo's book is annotated in detail, and I have referred back and reread different sections since my first reading. I have chosen to work with a counselor since nearly four years ago, but it did take time to find the right one. Meeting regularly, primarily for preventative and skill strengthening purposes in areas I wish to improve, the opportunity to meet with a professional, trained in the area of expertise we do not have is helpful to make sense of what we learn not only about ourselves but how our minds and emotions work. With all of that said, as soon as I read the book, lightbulbs went off repeatedly in my mind. Ahas occurred frequently and I found an ease I had never felt before regarding my approach to interacting with others in a variety of different relationship scenarios. While I highly recommend you pick up your own copy and read it closely, I wanted to share with you the primary component that underlies everything about being an adult in life and love. The world we live in would rather have us feel insecure and lacking, even though it blatantly argues the contrary (when you purchase their product, create [enter lifestyle and accoutrements] for all to see and witness, or behave in a certain way), so it is no wonder we are confused about what we should or shouldn't be doing when it comes to relationships. And even if we eventually do figure it out, trying to understand what it is that worked if we don't know ourselves leaves us struggling to explain to others why it works if they inquire, don't understand or have not been introduced to the fundamentals shared below. The good news is, this intangible unknown need not be unknown any more. Knowledge is key, and this practice is essential to cultivate habits that will heal you and then strengthen your ability to connect as an adult with adults to build a life of social harmony and contentment. First, we need to let go of some unhelpful and often destructive habits. Let Go of F.A.C.E. The ego when neither understood and left to its own devices will become inflated and hinder any chance for a healthy relationship of two adults. Let's take a look at the acronym Richo came up with that clearly delineates what we need to step away from if we wish to become an adult in relationships. "F"ear Fear will always be present in our lives. It is the awareness of fear and what fear provokes us to do that must occur so that as Richo says, "it never has to lead me". So while fear may be a natural emotion, it is our job to understand what the fear signifies within us so that we can then understand ourselves better and move forward in a healthy manner, not a fear-led manner. Richo speaks about learning from our fears, "fear usually rears its ugly head exactly when we are ripe for a change". As well, when we feel we do not have the power to direct our lives, fear enters and we make decisions, if we let fear direct, from a place of avoiding losing any power we thought we had. Jealously is a result of fear as well. If we allow jealousy to grab hold, we are not abiding by the ability to let go of the actions of another, and instead becoming engulfed by others, rather than being present and open. What is our life trying to tell us? What strengths, what decision-making skills are we lacking? Jealousy arises when we are not secure with our ability to trust that we can be content and full all on our own, and so we cling, we grasp. Richo shares, "Jealousy is a combination of three feelings: hurt, anger and fear." And any or all of these three feelings may not be directly related to your partner at the moment, but inspired by past pain. Knowing where and why your fear arises is the map that will set you free should you follow it. "A"ttachment When we attach ourselves to a particular outcome, behavior, etc., we are clinging out of fear. Attachment in the mind, as Richo explains is a belief in polarities - a belief that there are only two outcomes - "I have to be in charge, or everything will fall apart". Such thinking is faulty, and when we recognize that the polarities are unhelpful in cultivating a strong relationship not only with others but with ourselves, we come to realize what we have control over only ourselves - how we communicate, how we prepare, how we engage, how we take care of ourselves in order to do our best, so that we can be at peace with the outcome knowing we did our best. So instead, the healthy ego shifts the above belief to "I let the chips fall where they may", knowing we will tend to our responsibilities and do what we can in that moment to the best of our ability - truly and fully. The peace that comes when we practice letting go of attachment is uncomfortable initially, but freeing continually, thereby allowing us to expend our energy on better pursuits and passions. "C"ontrol Similar to attachment, yet unique on its own, letting go of control is to take responsibility of ourselves. How do we take responsibility in order to let go of control? Set and maintain personal boundaries, build a strong foundation of self-respect (which will lead us into letting go of entitlement), come to understand that growth comes from struggle and yes, pain. This is a natural cycle, so when something unwanted occurs, the adult who has let go of control will be able to find the opportunity to grow and apply it forward for a more content and fulfilling life. "E"ntitlement Entitlement rears its head when we have expectations of how we should be treated, what we should feel, what should happen when, etc., etc., etc.. I know I am guilty of feeling entitled when it comes to relationships, and if you have ever caught yourself in your head or outloud saying, "[they] should have . . . [insert behavior]," you too have unconsciously felt entitled. Based on how (through modeling by our parents or elders or media) and what we were taught about the trajectory of relationships, we establish a map of behavior and events that should happen, and thus the entitlement gene is given to us and we accept it. But we do not have to keep it any longer. When we feel entitled, Richo states, we are kept from giving anyone our attention and appreciation - two skills we must engage in if we want a healthy, loving adult relationship. Also, we cannot give someone our acceptance and allowing to be themselves because we are too attached to our own version of how everything should be. Again, two more skills that must be practiced in order to be part of a healthy adult relationship. Entitlement does not allow us to connect fully and completely with another person, and from the start, we are hindered in our ability to discover a loving relationship. Now that we have let go four unhelpful habits, we now have room and energy to practice the five habits that will strengthen our relationships in all areas of our lives, especially our romantic relationships. Let's take a look at what the Five A's are, as delineated and discussed in How to be An Adult in Relationships. Practice and Strengthen regularly Each of the five A's are feelings and actions to both give and receive in order to be in a healthy relationship. Each definition is shared directly from the aforementioned book by David Richo Attention —Attention from others leads to self-respect. Acceptance —Acceptance engenders a sense of being inherently a good person. Appreciation —Appreciation generates a sense of self-worth. Affection —Affection makes us feel lovable. Allowing —Allowing gives us the freedom to pursue our own deepest needs, values and wishes. Richo explains that when any one of the five A's are not forthcoming from others, specifically others we seek it directly from, we may feel we are to blame, and while we need to find others who mirror back to us these five A's, if we are to build and maintain healthy adult relationships, we also need to find them within ourselves. However, while we need to find strength and awareness and understand we have self-worth, we also need to not expect to be fulfilled in each of these areas from one person. Beginning with our parents and then to any one adult we may in a relationship with, Richo asserts, they cannot be everything and fulfilling in all ways. Thus, "it is necessary and healthy to receive need fulfillment from other sources all through life . . . an adult sensibility releases us from expecting any person to fulfill [us] totally." There is freedom in knowing the truths of healthy bonding and contented living, and to better understand what each of the five A's is and looks like in practice both for ourselves and from others, I encourage you to pick up the book as his examples are specific and anecdotal which provide clarity and a deeper understanding. We all have the capacity to love and love well, we simply need to be willing to be a student, do the homework regularly and have the courage to change and be open as we go along our journey. —How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving by David Richo Petit Plaisir: ~One Hundred Stars, UK Gowns For shipping outside of the UK, shop the following online retailers: .87 Old School Beauly (from whom I purchased my gown) Sue Parkinson ~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #287 ~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate:  iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify

Procreation? Companionship? Status, need, convenience, financial comfort and maybe sometimes love?What is the purpose of partnering with another individual through a loving relationship or marriage? Is it conscious, empowering, mature? Can it ever be?In this episode, me and my husband dive into how our purpose for love changes through the years. From the marriages we formed young and broke to our perceptual shifts after meeting each other.Take a listen!https://www.unchainingme.com

Me and my co-host, the Mr, go DEEP into the beginning days of our long distance relationship to discuss our intentions with each other. We talk about the fears we brought into the relationships and the assumptions that we kept making about each other, that brought so much pain and suffering our way. Listen in! https://www.unchainingme.com

I read the rest of Section 3 of Chapter 1 of David Richo's book, How to be an Adult in Relationships, The Five Keys to Mindful Loving, and experiment with soft spoken word, though tonight was probably not the best night to experiment because my voice is cracking a bit and my throat chakra needs some balancing! For feedback email me at aektaunity@yahoo.com ! I will be buying the proper microphone equipment soon after I have enough money in the next paycheck or the paycheck after that! Thank you for being my guinea pigs and first listeners! It means a lot! I enjoy doing this a lot and look forward to improving upon it! ☺️❤️

I continue reading the book How To Be an Adult In Relationships, The Five Keys to Mindful Loving, by David Richo, ending section 2 with a powerful quote that I've been resonating with recently and begin section 3! Hope it helps you reflect, relax and fall asleep! Thanks for listening

In this episode, I share with you section 1 of chapter 1 (How It All Began) of Part 1 (The Home We Leave) of the book, How To Be An Adult In Relationships- The Five Keys To Mindful Loving, by David Richo. It's a book that I've had for years and found profoundly insightful and humbling to read. It's helped me love myself and others more deeply and understand humans, and how we relate, better. It is my "Bible" for any kind of relationship work. I hope you find it insightful if you're listening to actually try to learn something..and at the very least! I hope you find it soothing or boring enough to fall asleep too! I enjoy sharing what's helped me and like the idea of people using this podcast as they see fit! To learn, to relax, to sleep, or all three!

Our relationships are vital components to a life of joy and meaning, but are we showing up whole and seeing whole beings in others? How mindful are we about what we want, why we want it, how we communicate that and how we give that which others want from being in a relationship with us? Listen to an introductory episode kick starting a monthly series on mindful relationships based on the book "Mindful Loving, 10 Practices for resting Deeper Connections" written by Henry Grayson, PH.D Please join me next week with part one of the series and stay through the process to learn ways to overcome our unconscious limitations and form meaningful and satisfying connections with other people. https://www.unchainingme.com

Our Spotlight this week covers the topic: Power Dynamicshttps://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201602/4-truths-about-power-in-relationships-including-yoursIn our Toolbox this week we cover the book: How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving by David Richo.https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Adult-Relationships-Mindful/dp/1570628122Interested in any of the books we have mentioned in the podcast?Go to audibletrial.com/headoverfeels to get One Free Audio Book and One Free Month Trial of Audible!Submit your burning questions at www.headoverfeelspod.com/contactNeeding some one-on-one coaching with one of us to work through your relationship woes? Go to www.headoverfeelspod.com/coaching for more info!Facebook: /headoverfeelspodInstagram: /headoverfeelspodSupport the show (http://paypal.me/headoverfeels)Support the show (http://paypal.me/headoverfeels)

Mindful Loving by Dr. Laurie Betito

EPISODE 59: BUILDING A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF Flourishing Friday (FF)-Welcome to Flourishing Fridays (FF), where every Friday we bring you a Positive Psychology-based life hack that will help you to flourish.  In these episodes we look at real life application of Positive Psychology, while giving you tips and strategies to put Positive Psychology into use in all areas of your life.  In this episode Emiliya takes inspiration from the book, How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving by David Richo. She builds on last weeks Flourishing Friday and how we can turn the learning into a form of self care.  I see myself, I value myself, I accept myself, I love myself, I trust myself When deeply understood and applied, these five simple concepts–what Richo calls the five A's–form the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A's, relationships with ourselves become deeper and more meaningful, and they become a ground for personal transformation. David Richo, offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, in this episode Emiliya helps us explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships with ourselves.  Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships. It is important to give yourself attention. What am I thinking, feeling and needing.  Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are. This is about accepting where you are at in the moment.  Appreciation of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament. We can think about what do we value about ourselves. Basking and savouring in yourself.  Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways. Being able to give yourself affection through self care, time, sleep, food.  Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control. This is about building trust with yourself and allowing yourself to be human.  For Full show notes & more information on what we have to offer,  visit The Flourishing Center at:  www.theflourishingcenter.com SHOW LINK: 

EPISODE 57: HOW TO BE AN ADULT IN RELATIONSHIPS Flourishing Friday (FF)-Welcome to Flourishing Fridays (FF), where every Friday we bring you a Positive Psychology-based life hack that will help you to flourish.  In these episodes we look at real life application of Positive Psychology, while giving you tips and strategies to put Positive Psychology into use in all areas of your life.  In this episode Emiliya takes inspiration from the book, How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving by David Richo.  "Most people think of love as a feeling," says David Richo, "but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present." In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships- one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life: Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships. Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are. Appreciation of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament. Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways. Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control. Affirm: I see you, I value you, I accept you, I love you, I trust you  When deeply understood and applied, these five simple concepts–what Richo calls the five A's–form the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A's, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, and they become a ground for personal transformation.  For Full show notes & more information on what we have to offer,  visit The Flourishing Center at:  www.theflourishingcenter.com  

Welcome to episode 113 of the Sexology Podcast! Today I am delighted to welcome Dr. Cheryl Fraser to the podcast. In this conversation, Dr. Cheryl speaks to me about keeping passion alive through long term relationships, recommendations for recreating thrill and excitement and approaching your partner with sexual ideas that might be considered taboo.     Dr. Cheryl Fraser is an award-winning sex therapist, and a Fulbright scholar who created the Become Passion home study series and the Awakened Lover weekend intensive for couples. She has a private practice in sex and couples' therapy. Personally, and professionally, Dr. Cheryl has confronted the intense, joyful, and painful emotions of relationships, from I Do to divorce, and on to Mindful Loving. This human touch makes her writing, workshops, and media appearances on sex and relationships so accessible and effective.     Dr. Cheryl completed her post-doctoral training at the University of California-San Francisco medical school. She conducted research on sexual behaviour and attitudes, and combatting homophobia. She has also taught college and university, and keeps a busy private practice, where she specializes in sex and couples' therapy. She is a certified Gottman marriage therapist.     She teaches weekend intensive “bootcamps” for couples, and her Become Passion home study program teaches couples how to create sustainable, lifelong emotional intimacy and sexual passion.    In this episode, you will hear:     Is it possible to keep passion alive in a long term relationship?  The three steps Dr. Cheryl recommends for keeping passion alive   Why scheduling sex can seem boring but also an important tool to use   Understanding that your relationship needs energy and focus to keep it passionate   How there is a time limit to the “honeymoon” period and what to do afterwards   Learning to resolve conflicts in a healthy way   Recommendations for recreating thrill and passion   Approaching your partner with sexual ideas that might be considered taboo    Resources  http://www.drcherylfraser.com     https://www.facebook.com/oasis2care   https://www.instagram.com/oasis2care   https://twitter.com/oasis2care    https://oasis2care.clientsecure.me/client_portal     Podcast Produced by Pete Bailey - http://petebailey.net/audio 

This week on Relationships 2.0 my guest is Cheryl Fraser, PhD author of Buddha's Bedroom: The Mindful Loving Path to Sexual Passion & Lifelong Intimacy About the book: In this playful and sexually savvy guide, “Dr. Cheryl” Fraser presents enlivening mindfulness exercises, techniques from couples and sex therapy, and the wisdom of Buddhist teachings to help you spark the passion and thrill you’ve been seeking in your relationship. With this book, couples can break free from the monotony of familiar routines and bring a little nirvana back to the bedroom for a more exciting, loving, and fulfilling connection. The beginning of a relationship is always thrilling—butterflies in the stomach; that sense that someone really gets you; that “love drunk,” “walking on air” feeling. But as time goes by, and the tedium of daily life intervenes, you may find yourself too busy, tired, or just unmotivated to devote quality time and attention to the connection you crave. So, how do you uncover the passion and thrill you’re longing for, and how can you make it last? Inside Buddha’s Bedroom, you’ll discover how the essential Buddhist teachings of mindfulness and awakening can be applied to your love life—showing that true passion absolutely is sustainable, if you’re willing to shift your perspective. By exploring your deepest desires and expectations, and also learning to see your partner as they really are, without the need for them to change, you’ll be able to create a deep and mindfully loving connection for a fabulous relationship. And with these spiritually scintillating tips and techniques, you’ll have the keys to igniting and sustaining all the thrill, intimacy, and sensuality you seek. About the author: Sharp, frank, and fearless, Cheryl Fraser, PhD, is a Buddhist psychologist and sought-after relationship expert. She has helped thousands of couples jump-start their love life and create passion that lasts a lifetime. A highly successful and awarded Fulbright scholar, she has conducted extensive research on sexual behavior and what causes love relationships to succeed or fail. With her groundwork, she created the Become Passion online workshop for couples. She has a thriving private practice in sex and couples therapy. A former talk radio host, Cheryl is a dynamic guest expert for television and radio, appearing on multiple programs, including The Experts, CBC Marketplace, Air America, the Loving Well podcast, and many more. As a columnist for Mindful and Best Health magazines, Cheryl explores love, sex, relationships, and the human experience. Her approach to life and to helping others is based in her practice of meditation and Buddhism, which she has studied for twenty-five years in both the Tibetan and Theravaden traditions. She was given permission to teach by her root teacher Namgyal Rinpoche, and she is resident meditation teacher for Island Dharma. Her work is encapsulated in the teaching of Mindful Loving, where she brings the Buddha’s teachings into the bedroom. When Cheryl is not in India, Tibet, or at a three-month silent Buddhist meditation retreat, she lives on Vancouver Island, BC, Canada, with her man and their menagerie, practicing the passion she preaches. www.drcherylfraser.com

Relationships are the biggest factor in our well-being, and yet we often struggle to have the quality of connections that we need. In this episode I talk with Dr. David Richo about his excellent book, How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The 5 Keys to Mindful Loving. As we discussed, mindful loving consists of what Dave calls "the Five A's": attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. When we provide these essential ingredients, we help others (and ourselves) feel valued and loved. Dave and I talked about several important related issues, including: The role of our early relationships in shaping our experience of love The connection between self-love and love of others What prevents us from giving and receiving love The ability of loving relationships to heal earlier wounds The importance of the spiritual in our closest relationships The challenge of self-loathing The impact of technology on our relationships Related books that he has written I got so much out of How to Be an Adult in Relationships, and was really grateful that Dave agreed to come on the podcast. I hope you get a lot out of our discussion. David Richo, PhD, MFT, is a psychotherapist, teacher, workshop leader, and writer who works in Santa Barbara and San Francisco, CA. He combines Jungian, poetic, and mythic perspectives in his work with the intention of integrating the psychological and the spiritual. His books and workshops draw from Buddhist and Christian spiritual practices. You can find Dave online at his website. David is the author of 20 books, including three we discuss in this episode: How to Be an Adult in Relationships How to Be an Adult in Love The Five Things We Cannot Change (Please note that these are affiliate links, meaning a small percentage of sales from these links will be used to support the podcast, at no additional charge to you.)

Lee Warren is an herbalist, writer, teacher, and food activist with an avid interest in rural wisdom, alternative relationships, sustainable economics, and women’s issues. She is the co-founder, designer, and builder of Earthaven Ecovillage, an off-grid, sustainable-built, co-housing neighborhood in Black Mountain, North Carolina. She is the founder and Manager of Imani Farm, a 5-acre pasture-based co-op farm as well as the Managing Partner of S.O.I.L. - the School of Integrated Living - which teaches organic food production, regenerated systems, and community living.   Lee joins me today to discuss the dynamics of monogamous and alternative relationships, why she believes many first-marriages often result in divorce and the importance of being open to experimentation and exploring new possibilities. We discuss the difference between open relationships and polyamory and the qualities that make up healthy, loving, and successful relationships. She explains why she believes there’s a lack of abundance regarding love, touch, sexual expression, and sensuality in today’s society and culture. She also explains how your intrapersonal relationship impacts your interpersonal relationships and how “emotional foreplay” can improve relational communication and understanding between men and women.   “We need to be experimenting on every level.” - Lee Warren   This week on Relationships! Let’s Talk About It:   Her perspective on monogamous and alternative relationships. Divorce statistics involving monogamous marriages. Values and qualities of successful relationships. The difference between open relationships and polyamory. How much of your needs should be met by your primary partner? Finding rich, diverse, loving relationships without involving the sexuality factor. Why she believes we live in a culture of ‘lack’ regarding love, touch, sexual expression, and sensuality. How the primary partnership relationship model can sometimes contract the feeling of freedom. How society, culture, and economics incentivizes being in a nuclear family. Intentional communities and how they inspire and encourage experimentation and explore new possibilities. How community-life inspires a culture of sharing, openness, and experimentation. What are the “Zones of Intimacy” and how they relate to the relationships we develop? Skills we need to teach the younger generations to improve the relational evolution. Why intrapersonal relationships are critical for developing successful interpersonal relationships. Why men and women need to understand how each gender processes thoughts and feelings and how it can improve your relationships. What “emotional foreplay” is and how it can impact your relational communication. The benefits of having a primary, monogamous relationship without living together and how it affects the relationship dynamics.     Resources:   How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving by David Richo     Connect with Lee Warren:   Earthaven Ecovillage Imani Farm O.I.L - School of Integrated Living     Sponsored by Still Point Wellness   Still Point Wellness is Asheville’s premier spa experience. Enjoy effortless relaxation and rejuvenate your body through Still Point’s world-class services including Esalen Massage®, Salt Water Floatation also known as sensory deprivation, Cranial Sacral Therapy, and Somatic Psychology. Experience the healing powers of deep relaxation like never before!   Schedule your first appointment by visiting www.StillPointWell.com or call (828) 348-5372.   Mention the code: Pripo to receive 10% off your first Salt Water Floatation and Esalen Massage®!     Let’s Talk About It!   Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of Relationships! Let’s Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review. Don’t forget to visit our website, follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and share your favorite episodes on social media!   Theme music provided by Adi the Monk

Abigail Manning shares the key to being aware of others’ triggers and how to be more understanding compassionate - living with Authentic Health. In this episode, Abigail and Mike both share specific lessons they teach around the world for living with respect toward others’ boundaries and how to recognize abuse. * You are invited to join our community and conversations about each episode on FaceBook at https://www.facebook.com/MutuallyAmazingPodcast and join us on Twitter @CenterRespect or visit our website at http://www.MutuallyAmazingPodcast.com**   *BIO:* Abigail G. Manning is an Awareness Creator of Authentic Health to prevent and end all forms of Abuse. Having experienced childhood abuse by both of her parents and domestic violence as an adult, Abigail uses first-hand experience combined with her Indiana University Communications double major specializing in cognitive, behavioral and social theories, 5 years of abuse research, $20,000 of therapy modalities investigations and her own unique insights, to teach others how to build Authentic Health. In a positive and pro-active approach, she uses touches of humor to illuminate the challenges of recognizing and understanding the codes, cycles and connections found in unhealthy behaviors including toxic relationships, manipulations, sexual harassment, bullying, child abuse, domestic violence, manipulations, and more. By creating awareness, abuse moves out of the silent darkness where it starts and thrives, into the colorful light of mainstream conversations and creates a brighter future for us all. *LINKS* https://abigailgmanning.com/ https://www.facebook.com/abigailgmanning/ https://twitter.com/AbigailGManning *Recommended Books:* Dr. Henry Grayson, Mindful Loving Robin Norwood, Women Who Love Too Much Brene Brown’s books especially, Rising Strong   READ THE FULL TRANSCRIPTION of the EPISODE HERE (or download the pdf): **IMPORTANT: This podcast episode was transcribed by a 3rd party service and so errors can occur throughout the following pages: Mike:                       Welcome to the Respect Podcast. I'm your host, Mike Domitrz from mikespeaks.com, where we help organizations of all sizes, educational institutions, and the US military create a culture of respect. And respect is exactly what we discuss on this show. So let's get started. Mike:                       And welcome to this episode. Today we have Abigail Manning. Abigail is an awareness creator of authentic health to prevent and end all forms of abuse. With a positive and proactive approach, she brings insights and answers to how we can each lead healthy and happy lives. Abigail, thank you so much for joining us. Abigail:                   Thank you so much for having me on your show, Mike. Mike:                       I'm thrilled to have you here. Can you give a little background on what it is you do? Abigail:                   Sure. As you said, I'm an awareness creator. So what that means is it's a proactive and positive approach to helping others see where maybe they might be lacking in having true authentic health. And the whole reason behind it is because I came from childhood abuse by both my parents and domestic violence as an adult, and as an eight year old, I took a vow in front of a mirror to end abuse. And so this is my next chapter of life, and this is my next mission, is to help others learn the lessons that I have learned, but hopefully a lot easier and faster, quicker, and with a lot more positivity than the way that I learned them. Mike:                       And at eight years old, you looked into a mirror and said, "I'm going to end this pattern." I'm not gonna let this cycle repeat, is sort of sounds like you described there. I'm going to make a different path for myself. Where does that come from at eight years old? Abigail:                   Right. Well, what it is, is that it was, I devoted myself at that point to love, respect, and kindness. Mike:                       I mean, that's mind boggling for a lot of people to hear it and say, wait an eight year old committed to and stayed with it. Right? Because a lot of ... When we're young, we'll go, oh, I have this goal and this dream. I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this, or I'm never gonna do that, and that changes very quickly as we get to teen years or pre-teen years. So what kept you focused? Abigail:                   What kept me focused was having firsthand experiences of harm. So I really only have one rule and when I raised my kids, it was do no harm. At all costs, do no harm. And the next best goal is to have love, respect, and kindness for yourself and for others. Now, it doesn't mean that that was easy. It doesn't mean that I didn't understand. I didn't understand abuse. I didn't understand it at all, but I was committed to those values, doing no harm to someone else because I knew what that felt like, and I did not want to do that to anybody else. And what do I want the world to be? How do I want the world to treat each other? I want there to be safety and trust and respect, and for me, those words have always kind of boiled down to love, respect, and kindness. Abigail:                   And so unfortunately because I didn't understand abuse, I went through the pendulum swing of marrying someone who is not of great health and being in that marriage for over 10 years, and then swinging out of that. And that's what I mean. I've learned all these different things by going through $20,000 of therapy modalities, and reading, and going through crisis center. PTSD hit me really hard. I was like, okay, I have to really understand this and be able to explain it in a way that I can understand it. Abigail:                   And so other people saw that and they started asking me, can you explain to me what you're doing and how it's working so well for you? So from that, I started this company, Create Awareness Change Lives where we go and we speak, and we do workshops and training and keynote speeches and things like that to help others learn what I did along the way, hopefully way back at the early stages, and signs of unhealth and disrespect so we can stop it there and make it into something positive and proactive for all of us. Mike:                       Well, I appreciate your openness there because while at eight years old you made the commitment, it took 20 plus years to figure out the journey which is true of a lot of us. In a do no harm philosophy, which I'm a big believer in, when I teach my all day workshops on how to do training on sensitive issues, we talk about do no harm. At the same time, you have to also make sure that you're not doing harm by doing no harm because that can actually happen. Abigail:                   Right. Mike:                       You can think so much about, I don't want to harm anybody in the room, that you do harm at the ability to impact and to teach and to connect because you're so working in fear of not doing harm. And that's not what do no harm means, but that's what people can interpret it to mean, and you can live it. It sounds like you went through some of that in your own personal life. Abigail:                   Correct. I agree that you can't ... We're not a world where we have to be ... I don't want to be in a world where it's overly polite. One of the things that we are is transparent. Transparent can be firm, it can be direct, it can still be polite and kind, but it's no longer a doormat and you don't withhold information. So I help people. One of the realizations that I had was the crisis center told me, "When you do this work, it's not when. You absolutely will trigger somebody else." Abigail:                   So it's a matter of knowing you're going into that, giving a space that's trusting and safe for people to really vulnerably feel it because I'm about authenticity, right? Not just the robotic kind of, I mask my feelings, but someone is going to get triggered. How do we help them? Because that's the first step. When you first realize, whoa, I have a problem, or oh, I didn't know that was me, or I didn't think I thought about that word that way, or something. Abigail:                   So being triggered doesn't have to be a horrible, bad thing. It can be a realization that this is the first maybe eye opening experience that you're like, I'm ready to be better. I'm ready to be healthy. I'm ready to have control over this and not have it have control over me. Let me flip it into the positive like it's okay, I am going to trigger people, and that is okay, but I have to have the responsibility, which I take very seriously, of letting people know that they can trust me, they're safe with me, and that I truly, truly do care about them and their wellbeing. Mike:                       Yeah, and you're not intentionally triggering people. Abigail:                   No. Mike:                       There are people who do that, right? We see people in the media and in politics who go out and say insightful things intentionally to insight, to trigger in a different way than the kind of trigger we're talking here, but it's a form of triggering. And so you're saying, no matter what I do, someone can be triggered. I'm out of control of that, but I am in control of the atmosphere that I create in which that takes place. Abigail:                   Right, and trauma informed approach is really important. So I would never go out of my way or try to ever trigger someone in an unhealthy way, in a harmful way, in overstepping their boundary lines. But understanding that you're going to do that and you're doing it from a loving place, you're doing it from an I care place, and this is the way you're going to have to face it. Because if you don't face the beast, the beast is always going to be there. Abigail:                   So I don't care if your beast is addictions, I don't care if your beast is that you're with somebody abusive, or that you are abusive yourself. You've got to face the beast in order to stare it down, understand it, and be able to walk away confidently from it. And you can do all that in a very healthy way. So the question is always, am I being helpful and healthy or am I being hurtful and unhealthy? That's my measuring, and hopefully I'm never hurtful to somebody, and I'm always been helping and healthy for them. Mike:                       So how do you help somebody? How are you supportive of someone? We get suggested questions for our shows and the one question is, how do I treat people who have been through abuse with respect and not pity? So how do I give that person that respect and pity? Because we see it all the time. In my line of work from the stage, I'll tell people the number one mistake I see people say to survivors is, "Oh, I'm so sorry," which is meant as loving and caring, completely comes off as total pity. Abigail:                   Right. Mike:                       I'm so sorry. And it feels like I'm so sorry that happened to you. It didn't happen to me. I'm so sorry it happened to you. And how you know it's pity is because the majority of the time the survivor will respond with, oh, it's not your fault, which means they're now counseling you for your reaction to them, which tells you it's pity. That's a dead sign that they felt pity right there. It was not a moment of empowerment. Abigail:                   Correct. And that's interesting. I've never thought of pity in that way. What I wanna do is help both sides. So when someone really cares, I don't think they want to do pity. I think they don't know what to say. Mike:                       Correct. And that's why giving people precise words is everything in those moments. We do that [inaudible 00:08:54] all the time. Here's exactly the words you can use that can make sure that you are empowering each other and respect and admiration. What do you teach for that? Abigail:                   Well, I teach to be authentic. I teach to be honest. I teach that being direct. So having eye contact with the person and saying something like, "Thank you for sharing that," or, "You are so brave," or, "I didn't know, how can I be of support?" Even to me, I see people all the time kind of go, and so I just move on into what I do really quickly because it gives them permission not to have to respond and react. Because we all feel like, oh gosh. I mean, none of us want anybody to be abused. Abigail:                   So if you can just come back with, wow, I didn't know. How did you get past it? I mean go to the positive. What could I do to help somebody in the future? Is there anything specific I can do for you? And that's the number one thing. People don't know how to respond. You don't have to know how to respond. Just be yourself. If you're kind, be kind. Mike:                       Yeah, and if you can learn language that can help you be comfortable in that, then use it. Like we teach the same thing. We teach, "Thank you for sharing." We'll say, "Thank you for sharing. Clearly you are strong and courageous. What can I do to be of support?" Abigail:                   Yeah. Mike:                       Because that opens the door. And the reason those three steps are so important. One, thank you for sharing lets the person know, I've come to the right person. Because the fear is, is it okay to share with this person in this moment? That's often a fear for a survivor. Is this a safe person to share? So when you open with, "Wow, thank you for sharing," oh, okay. And then when you say, "Clearly you're strong and courageous because you shared," I mean, that's true. So that's honesty and validation at the same time. Reinforcement is a better word. Mike:                       But then to say, "How can I be of support?" They might say, oh no, I just wanted to share. Okay. But they might be like, oh, I just wish there was someone I could talk to. Oh, well have you talked to a local crisis center? Have you talked to ... And you give them options. It creates this exploratory option for them to get the resources and support they deserve, which is so, so important. Mike:                       And for anyone listening, this goes to any difficult news someone ever gives you. It doesn't have to be a survivor. Somebody comes up to you and says, "My dad passed away last night." Oh, I'm so sorry. Where do you go from there? You've got nowhere to go from there. Somebody says, "My dad passed last night." Wow, thank you for sharing. Now how can I be of support? Now they see somebody trying to engage not just, let's move on from this uncomfortable situation. Abigail:                   I love it. I love it. In fact, I wrote it down because I am a big thank you and please person. Call me old fashioned, but I still really like using thank you and please with people all the time, even people I know, my family and everybody. Just thank you for helping me with dinner or something like that. So that's acknowledgement, everything you said was just, to me, spot on, perfect, and beautiful, and brilliant. To acknowledge, to thank, to prove that you're a safe person, you're a sincere person. I love it. Mike:                       I appreciate that. We've always taught it from stage and all my books. We teach that same ... PART 1 OF 3 ENDS [00:12:04] Mike:                       We've always taught it from stage and in all my books. We teach that same statement, because it's just ... People don't have the skill. I love what you said about be yourself and be authentic. Sadly, some people are afraid to do that, because they have been taken as being callous in the past. They feel, "If I'm myself, I could do harm." Well, what if I could give you this little phrase? And if you said it from your authentic self, with these words, it's going to come off as you and be loving, and caring, and supportive. Abigail:                   Right. One other thing I'd like to point out real fast, Mike, is that the person who has the difficult thing to explain. Like you said, whatever that happens to be: a death in the family, coming out for the first time talking about abuse, or something like that. That person is coming from a place where they've already been shamed, blamed, judged, isolated, ridiculed, minimized, all of that. They're kind of ... At least in my case, I was very nervous, and I would watch people. The moment that they would kind of like at me like ... like that. Shut it down. This is not a safe place. This person's not going to be able to understand. The turtle pulls its head back into the shell real fast. Abigail:                   Just know that when someone comes to you with an act of bravery, when someone looks really strong on the outside or you see them as being very strong or successful or capable or confident, we're all the same in the inside. It's really scary to come forward. Strong people ... I know, because I've been called a strong person more than once in my life ... It's scary to feel weak. It's scary to feel not in control of how someone's going to respond to you, not that we can control it. Just know going into that that's why I like telling people to be really authentic and just your connection with that person. A lot of times you don't know that person, but it could be just someone you've met. It happens to me all the time. I will start with a compliment for them of like, "I'm honored that you told me." Mike:                       Yes. Yes, because what you said there is important about the concept of that took them strength to share with you, whatever the difficult news was. So to honor that just means the world to people. We should be honoring that. Now you talk about something that is what I've been doing for decades, which is to ask first. Ask first. You talk about it specifically when it comes to hugs. Because in my world, people think, "Well, Mike teaches us to ask for a kiss," or, "Mike teaches before sexual intimacy to ask." But you say, "Why should I have to ask before I hug someone." You teach in your work why that's important. Let's go to there. Why is it respectable to ask for a hug versus just assuming, "Look, I'm giving you a hug. That's loving. That's supportive"? What's the harm in me just giving them a hug? Abigail:                   Yeah, right. It goes down to our healthy boundary lines, right? What is healthy for you may not be necessarily healthy for someone else based on their life experiences. For example, if someone ... That was the first step of abuse, let's say. Because that's what I specialize in is preventing and ending abuse. If someone was abused by, let's say, a parent who comes up and the first thing they do is they come up towards you face on, and they put their arms towards you. That person knows they have to go into fight, flight, or freeze mode, so it's unsafe. When our brains get hijacked, we don't know how to respond until we are taught how to respond, until we're taught what those warning signs are. And, what is ours to own versus the other person? Abigail:                   Is everyone out to attack you that's going to hug you? No. But until we can get that through our brains and really assimilated it into our bodies and our responses, and we can understand it ... There's different techniques, like EMDR. There's Somatic. There is EFT ... on how we rewire our brain, so that we don't automatically jump into that reactionary fight, flight, or freeze mode. You think you're being friendly and kind, and I think you're ... subconsciously without even realizing it ... coming to attack me. Because some people bury, especially childhood abuse, so far down, they don't even know that that's what it's related to. Mike:                       Yes. The word that we often don't discuss here is grooming. This is how the predators often groom their victims and those who would go on to become survivors. For anyone who's listening, what that means is a predator will start with a hug. They'll get very comfortable with that hug. They'll make that hug little tighter and a little longer. Then they move to touching, and they move to other things. But it all began there, so for the survivor ... especially if it has not been addressed, if it is down deep ... there's an immediate moment of, "That's where it all started, and now this person's starting it all." Mike:                       Like you said ... I love that you said that ... they might not even be aware of this, because subconsciously this can happen. People go, "Well, that's not my ... I'm not supposed to know what everybody else has been through. I mean, that's just political correctness gone awry." You are about to touch another person's body. If you are going to touch another person's body, it is on you to respect the possibilities of how that could impact them, because it's their body. That's not like you're just saying something from across the room, which can be harmful, but you're literally going to engage another human being's body in some form or fashion. Abigail:                   There's three spaces. There's our professional or public space. Then there's our personal space with our friends and stuff. Then there's an intimate space that you would share with a partner, or a child, or maybe an elderly parent, or something like that. That's your intimate space. We say that people aren't really allowed into your intimate space unless you want it, unless it's healthy for you. Why would I assume just because I like a hug, that other people would like it. I always try to, again, honor, respect. I try to respect the other person. I would just say things like ... For the first time meeting them. I have my group of friends, we hug all the time. But there's an understanding, because the first time that we've met, we've said, "Oh, would you like a hug?" Not, "May I hug you?" Because, again, you're coming onto them, but, "Would you like a hug? Are you a hugger?" Mike:                       Yeah, that's a great line. I know friends that use that. Myself, I've done it too. They go the handshake hug kind of thing, and you're like, "Are you a hugger?" They're like, "Yeah," so then you know you're good. But if they're like, "No, I'm good," yep, the handshake works. I think what people forget is why are you hugging them in the first place? You believe it will be supportive. You assume. So if the hug is about supportive and/or connection, shouldn't you make sure that will be the outcome? Abigail:                   Right, right. Also, maybe conversely, because Authentic Health is really turning that mirror around and looking at it at yourself. I'm not saying hugs are bad. Personally, I love hugs, but other people don't like them, and that's okay. If you're like, "I hug everybody, and I don't even ask." Why? What is it I need? What is the physical touch lacking in my life. What am I trying to express. Maybe question is that so important for me to do that? Abigail:                   I had someone in a business setting, never me the person before. She's actually a lawyer. When she came up to me ... I always shake hands the first time I meet somebody, because in our society, that's totally acceptable. It's not awkward ... and I extended my hand. She immediately pushed right past my hand and threw a hug onto me. I took a step back, and I said, "I'm more of a handshaker when I get to meet people." She completely didn't understand. I don't know if she thought we were best friends reconnected. Abigail:                   But just watching the body language. We talk a lot about cognitive, social, and behavioral theories. Well, the behavioral theory is if someone's putting out their hand to shake hands with you, they want to shake your hand. Or, they put a hand up to high five, just do the high five. Those verbal and behavioral cues are important to watch for. Mike:                       Absolutely. Abigail:                   Then ask [inaudible 00:19:55] ask, but you don't ... It's out of consideration. It's just a form of respect, in my opinion. Mike:                       Definitely. Abigail:                   Don't take it personally if they say, "No, I'm not." Mike:                       Yeah, you don't have to cure them. I think that's the other thing that happens. I think people think that, "If I give you enough hugs, you'll be okay with hugs." That's really dangerous and messed up to think, "The more I push your boundaries and disrespect what you want, you'll learn to like the boundaries I'm giving you." If you actually say that out loud, you'll recognize how predatorial that is, right? Abigail:                   Yeah. Mike:                       We need to help understand it. I'm not saying that I haven't done some form of that when I was younger. Most of us have, right? Abigail:                   Oh, absolutely. Mike:                       In some form, we thought, "Well, if I do this, they'll get more comfortable ..." Whatever it was. It doesn't have to be hug, touch. But recognizing just how predatorial that is, and how we've been taught to do that. Like, "I'll teach them." No. That's not your job in that moment. Abigail:                   Right. I think a lot of times ... and you can tell me from a guy's perspective ... from a girl's perspective, I was taught, "Be kind. Be nice. Give to others." I have a saying of pour love. Pouring love, pouring love on others. That was a strong social message that was given to me that, "Don't make waves. Everyone would be your friend." All of those which are not healthy. In the situation, a lot of times I think women end up hugging each other not necessarily because they want to, but they don't want to appear rude, or unfriendly, or stuck up, or something like that. Abigail:                   I wanted to erase that and saying when you own your own Authentic Health ... whatever it is, if it's a high five, if it's a fist bump, if it's a hug ... whatever it is, if you own it, it's okay. Be good with who you are, and not have to worry that you're offending somebody else, and not worry if you offend somebody else by saying, "I prefer this. I don't prefer that." Mike:                       Absolutely. Abigail:                   By living authentically, it's okay to stay within your own boundary lines, and what feels good, and is healthy for you without worry about what others and outsiders are thinking about you. Mike:                       Abigail, what are red flags of a sign that someone is being disrespectful or being abusive? Abigail:                   Red flags. Okay. We all have that gut feeling that goes off. We have red flags. We hear warning bells, all of those things. To me, I guess, the difference between those two would be healthy boundary lines. Our definition of abuse that I made up is repeated mistreatment. If people don't remember anything else, if you just remember repeated mistreatment. The rest of the definition is, "Repeated mistreatment where one person uses manipulations to gain and maintain power and control over another person." Abigail:                   If someone is being disrespectful, is it repeated? That's the first part of the definition. If it's a one-off, maybe they're being a jerk, maybe they are disrespectful, or something like that. Hopefully by you giving your healthy boundary lines and with a polite, but kind, but firm comeback on something, "I prefer a handshake, not a hug," something like that. Then they will stop it. It's not repeated. Abigail:                   Now if they decide to repeated it, "Oh, yeah, there's that Abigail. She ..." and it goes on and on in different ways from emotional, to physical, to sexual, to financial. Different forms of abuse. Different forms of manipulation. Different forms of trying to take your power and control or exert their power and control over you. Then you absolutely know the person is acting abusively. Mike:                       Let's pause there, because I love the two words. Repeated mistreatment is very powerful. I think it's also important to acknowledge that it doesn't mean it needs to be repeated for it to have been abuse, right? Because, there could be a one-time situation that is highly abusive. Abigail:                   Correct. Mike:                       Usually what you're describing here, what we're talking about, is, "How do I know when a situation that I'm regularly in is one of abuse or mistreatment?" versus a one-time situation. Abigail:                   Right. A lot of times, a sexual ... that's a sexual assault, which is awful. Nobody ever, ever deserves any form of abuse. No one asks for it. No one deserves it. No- PART 2 OF 3 ENDS [00:24:04] Abigail:                   ... deserves any form of abuse. No one asked for it, no one deserves it. No one, even though you can be groomed or gas lighting into thinking that you deserved it, you had ownership over this. You never did. It's what someone did to you versus what you went out and did to someone else. You were never worthy of being their target. You're right, it doesn't have to be awful or an assault or abusive, but when I use that term, a lot of times it starts really small, so unless it's like you're walking down an alley and you're attacked, right? That's an assault. But a lot of times in the abusive world when you have relationships with neighbors or co-workers or family it always starts small, like you said, they start with a hug, or they start with something, or they start with a lingering touch, if we're talking about sexual harassment. Mike:                       Or just not honoring your voice, right? Abigail:                   Correct. Mike:                       I don't wanna go this far. Let's say it's sexual. I don't wanna go this far. Oh, it'll be fun. What did you not get about I don't wanna go this far? I didn't say whether it'd be fun or not fun, I don't wanna go this far. It's not on the survivor to have to say that either. The moment I said it once, you should've listened, but that's a subtle, and it's a form of somebody starting to show abuse that is likely to say they might not be respecting me as this night goes on, because they're not reciprocating my voice right here and now. Once again, I wanna stress that's not on the survivor to stop the criminal, it's on the criminal to stop being abusive in the first place. Abigail:                   Right, and so that is the red flag that you just mentioned. So that, well I set a boundary line and they didn't ... They either didn't acknowledge it and blew right by it, or they made fun of me for it. They ridiculed me for it, or they're like, "What in the world are you talking about?" Stuff like that. I thought you wanted to be my boyfriend, I thought you wanted to be my girlfriend. Just like in sexual harassment, we do some workshops for corporations and government and things like that on what's sexual harassment and if this then that, quid pro quo, it's the same thing. It's not honoring those boundary lines, so just kind of watch because it tends to be small and then a lot of times someone who's abusive is very quick, very practiced and that's those manipulations of coming back and saying, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do that," or they have some story or something, so just watch for a pattern or really, not even a pattern 'cause sometimes it gets a little too tricky for people to see, just is it repeated? Mike:                       Yeah, I love that statement, the repeated mistreatment. It's perfect. Just due to time 'cause this next question we could do 30 minutes on but due to time, what is one or two steps, if somebody's listening is a survivor, of trauma or abuse to help them feel respect towards themselves? Abigail:                   Fantastic. Well for me, I would say it's authentic health. Gaining your power and control back where you can have your authentic health where you're not looking for outside confirmation, you really know the patterns and what has happened to you, what your life experience, we're all shaped by our life experiences, so I guess the key would be what has shaped your life experience? What has created your story? What is that negative take or that purple thread running through you that is a lie that is not truth, but you've read that book so many times you believe it actually happened. You've heard that story so many times, you actually believe that's who you are. Mike:                       Can I pause just so I'm understanding? Abigail:                   Yeah. Mike:                       Are you referring to for instance victim blaming, self victim blaming? So somebody's sitting there going, "Had I not done this that night, that wouldn't have happened," and they have played that tape and that tape is causing them to feel blame. Abigail:                   That could be their life experience yes, or it could be you see for example, really, really thin anorexic, bulimic people but the tape that they've been told is they're big and fat and ugly. They're on their deathbed believing that their big, fat and ugly when they're really not, right? So we all have our tapes, I'm not smart, you should have seen my brother, he's really, really smart. I'm not the smart one. Things like that. Like, what is your story? That my career's never work out, my love life never works out. Mike:                       I love adding the question to that, how's that working for me? Right, so let's say I put the story out in front of myself, I believe this. How's that working for me? It never makes me feel better. Abigail:                   Yeah. Mike:                       It's not working, right? This story, this negative story I got has never benefited and even if it benefited once, 99 other days it bothers me so it's a negative impact on my life. Abigail:                   Right, and a lot of times what I'll say is break it down to simple. Is it healthy or is it unhealthy? Mike:                       Yeah, that's perfect. Abigail:                   Is this healthy? Is this going to propel me forward to the vision that I have for my life? Is this going to make me a better person tomorrow than I am today or is this unhealthy? Is this gonna continue keeping me in this loop, in this cycle, in this pattern, in this lane and [inaudible 00:29:02] false beliefs. So if you feel like [inaudible 00:29:04] and someone comes in and sweeps you off your feet telling you how smart you are, if you actually own your own ... If you own your life story then you're not swayed by what people may or may not say. They can use those as manipulations. Mike:                       Yes. Abigail:                   So if you think of yourself as not charming let's say and someone comes in your life and their like, "Oh, you're so charming and you're delightful," and you're like, "Oh wow." They can manipulate you because they're able to find your weakness but when we own our own weaknesses and we own our strengths, that's authentic health. Mike:                       Yes and a great example is parenting. Parents who say, "Well, I don't want to tell my kid I love 'em too much," oh yeah? Wait till the kid comes along that does tell them because that kid will ... If they don't believe their loved, that kid will be their new source versus them being their own source. Teaching them to be their own source. Yeah, somebody should say to you, "Oh you're great," and in your mind there should be a little bit of thanks and yes, right? Doesn't mean you have to say it out loud, or you're beautiful or you're great, or you're brilliant and there should be a little bit of thank you and yes. Mike:                       We should feel these things about ourselves so we don't ... That's what I loved about what you said there, we don't need them from somebody else because if we need them from somebody else, control goes over to that person to get it. To get what they need, that can be the unhealthy part. You had three books that you told me that you really love, one was Mindful Loving by Dr. Henry Grayson, another was Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood and Renee Brown's books, you especially like Rising Strong. Why these three books? Abigail:                   Well I think anything Renee Brown has written I love. I love- Mike:                       Same here. Abigail:                   ... her attitude and approach and she breaks it down. She inspired me to take what I know and break it down and simplify it and explain it in storytelling formats that make sense and so, that's been a lot of things. It helped me a lot on my path on ... I couldn't stand when I opened up her book and I read the word shame. Ugh, I don't need more shame and blame and anything like that and of course she did a big wonderful twist on all of it and it was really, really helping but again, we started the conversation with about triggering people. So I had to be a little angry with Miss Doctor Renee Brown because she was triggering me with the whole word shame but I'm glad she did and I'm glad I had the fortitude to keep reading through as well as those other books and other therapy and talk therapies and things like that because that's how you feel the beast and you keep moving through it and you get better and you look in that mirror and you're not afraid to look in the mirror. Abigail:                   You're not afraid. None of us are perfect, right? I'm supposed to be perfect, authentic health is not being perfect. It's not being great at everything, it's just being true to who we are and willing to look in the mirror and not willing to listen to the whispers of any kind of negativity and by being vulnerable and that's a big strong theme that she has been superior in explaining to people is vulnerability and shame as well as many other things. But those are the reasons why I really like her books and I just love the way she writes too, I think it's fun. Mike:                       Yes. Abigail:                   [inaudible 00:32:11] for a male's perspective as well as a female's perspective on When You Love Too Much and that's that healthy versus unhealthy. From different people I've put together what I feel authentic health is and both of them I thought from a male perspective as well as a female perspective they did a really good job of showing where that line is between what is good authentic love and what is not, because you have to keep in mind, I wasn't raised with it. I wasn't raised with love, respect and kindness. I wasn't raised with mutually loving parents, I had to figure it out. I watched for it, I looked for it in movies, I watched for it in couples and so I stumbled along trying to learn these things in my own life and through reading books so that I could figure out how to have happy, healthy, successful love in my life. Mike:                       Well I think that's a great way to end our show 'cause I think too many people think things like, "Well that should be obvious," but they forget well it's obvious to you 'cause you might have been raised in it or you learned it because of something in your culture, your family. Millions of people have never been taught these lessons so if you're gonna say I'm a compassionate, caring person you need to think of the possibilities of others, which you just brilliantly shared with us. So Abigail, thank you for being with us today. For anybody listening you can find Abigail at abigailmanning.com, we'll have her Facebook link, her Twitter link all on our show notes, and remember if you're listening or watching you can join discussions on this episode on Facebook at our Facebook discussion group called The Respect Podcast Discussion Group. So look that up on Facebook, join us in our conversation. Thank you so much Abigail. Abigail:                   Thank you very much. All the best to you. Mike:                       Thank you for joining us for this episode of The Respect Podcast which was sponsored by the Date Safe Project at datesafeproject.org and remember, you can always find me at mikespeaks.com. PART 3 OF 3 ENDS [00:34:08]  

Welcome to Day Two of 21-Day Mindfulness Challenge. Please go back to Day One if you are just starting. **Please also see Mindfulness Meditation Three (Mindful Sounds Guided Meditation). ** What to expect? Mindful Love Love is an emotion associated with the heart, not the head. The term mindful love may seem like a bit of an oxymoron, but the mind plays a much larger role in the feeling of love than may be apparent. Think now of who you love. (Partners, children, family, friends, pets). Why do you love them? Think of what you love. (The beach, chocolate, bonfires, wine). Why do you love these things? The mind can also distract us from fully experiencing love. How many times have you been with your loved ones and been distracted by your thoughts? For today, embrace each loving moment you spend. Try to engage in an activity you love or be around someone you love. This can be as simple as eating a piece of chocolate while sitting next to your loving cat. During this time, be fully present in your thoughts and feelings towards the object of your love. Make sure to eliminate all expectations prior. Do not expect your children to behave because you decided to embrace their presence. Rather, sit in a mindful state and pay attention to how different the experience is than usual. You may even find you become more tolerant and far less reactive as you focus on loving thoughts instead of negativity or frustration. This podcast originally aired a few years ago, but still speaks to this crazy journey we call life! For my most current meditations, healings & guidance please follow me on social media: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/reiki_with_rachael TikTok: https://bit.ly/3jmX1AF YouTube: https://bit.ly/3iXaBuk You can also visit my website for extensive healing sessions: https://reikiwithrachael.com/

Airs: Wednesday, October 12, 2016 During this week’s radio show you will learn about: Passion triangle - what is it and why is it important? Creating mindful sexuality Marital romance and romantic long-term passion Slow love - what is it and how to find it

Airs: Wednesday, October 12, 2016 During this week’s radio show you will learn about: Passion triangle - what is it and why is it important? Creating mindful sexuality Marital romance and romantic long-term passion Slow love - what is it and how to find it

Today’s guest is Dave Richo, a psychotherapist, teacher, workshop leader, and author of the well-known book “How To Be An Adult in Relationships- The 5 Keys to Mindful Loving”. In this conversation we explore topics found in his more recent book “How To Be an Adult In Love- Letting Love In Safely and Showing It Recklessly”, and his brand new book “You Are Not What You Think- The Egoless Path To Self-Esteem and Generous Love”. Richo’s approach, which combines Jungian, poetic, and mythical perspectives, delves deep into the Buddhist concept of loving-kindness. In today’s episode we explore the whys and the hows of egoless love in the context of romantic relationships. You will learn key questions to help you assess your own ego balance, and ways to surrender ego in order to build self-esteem, address old wounds and fears, be fully loving in all of your relationships, and to actually evolve your capacity for love. You will be reminded and awakened to the ways in which taking care of ourselves is in itself an act of love.   Here are some highlights, insights, and suggestions from my conversation with Dave Richo: Widening the range of love- The Buddhist practice of loving-kindness is really about expanding our definition of what it means to love. It is about beaming out love to yourself, those closest to you, those you feel neutral about, those you don’t even really like, and all with EQUAL force. This force of grace and power is one that comes from beyond our ego, and extends through us to all beings. We can learn how to love, which is important, but we can also work on opening ourselves to call upon this sense of unconditional grace that is omnipresent and here to help us. How to connect with this sense of spirit is incredibly personal and you must find the right wording, symbolism, rituals, and practices that make it your own. However you relate to this concept, take a moment to consider that perhaps by incorporating awareness of this wider loving spirit you might find ways to better heal during difficult times, feel connected to your partner regardless of what you think or feel about them in a given moment, and even potentially, as Dave explains, feel more fully human. Agape love: The Greek’s referred to this form of selfless, unconditional and utterly limitless way of showing love as ‘Agape love’. They saw this form of boundless love to be our own highest calling. Although the love we hold for our romantic partner(s) exists within the definitions of the Greek’s Agape love and the Buddhist’s loving-kindness paradigm, it is the erotic dimension that distinguishes our intimate partnerships from the crowd. Interestingly enough, the Greek’s also believe that erotic love exists in our creative pursuits as well. Therefore there are many ways to experience erotic love, and infinite ways to experience Agape love. Tending to the relationship through Egoless Loving: So how can this wide definition of love inform our ability to engage the challenges that may arise in our partnerships? Love is about giving of oneself without being sure exactly what we will get in return. If instead, our egos are leading the way in our relationship we may find ourselves using the partnership to assert and solidify our own ego purposes, leading to patterns of selfishness (and not the good kind!). The evolution of a relationship from Ego-ideals to Egoless led love: There are three phases a romantic relationship must pass through in order to achieve an egoless led love: 1) Ego-Ideal to Ego-Ideal Romantic Phase: In the beginning… two individuals meet, and their two ego ideals fall in love. Meaning that person you always desired is finally found! Stars, rainbows, romantic dates, until…   2) Ego to Ego Phase: The inevitable conflicts, big or small, begin, and the ego-ideals erode and you begin to see the other person as she or he really is (warts and all). You may start to see your partner as self-centered, self-promoting, self-ish, or maybe you just start getting really irritated with the way they do or don’t do the dishes, you get the idea… In this conflict stage, the goal is to confront the ego dimension of ourselves and see if we can let go of it in favor of a more loving response. There are many psychological techniques, communication tips, outlined processes, prompts and activities you can choose to engage in here to help address, process, and make it through this phase. Regardless of how you and your partner work on your conflicts, it is critical to remember that this is an act of love! When we commit to working through the tough stuff and putting in the energy when struggles arise we are showing ourselves and our partners love in action. This increases connection, and of course, trust. And it leads to the final phase. 3) Egoless Love Phase: Through successfully showing up for Phase 2 and taking responsibility for our own egos, a new dimension of love is possible. Now that our partners can trust that we are dedicated to tending to the partnership versus tending solely to our egos, true commitment is possible.  (Note to eager hearts: this is the appropriate time to choose marriage rather than during the Ego-ideal phase!). Hold up! Lets take a moment to look closer at what ego is, and what it means in love. Ego is the latin word for ‘I’. It lies on a continuum. One extreme is when the ego is inflated which can look like arrogance/swagger/narcism, and on the other extreme when the ego is deflated it can look like withdrawn/shutdown/doormat-like. In equilibrium the ego is strong yet not forceful, direct but not judging, respectful, humble, confident without arrogance, and loving. Only from a healthy ego is true love possible. You cannot be fully loved by those whose egos are stuck on either end of the spectrum. Someone with an inflated ego cannot truly love you, even if it seems she/he cares about you it is only because they are focusing on you to see what they can get from you. Someone with a deflated ego is guided by fear and appeasement, neither conducive to deep healthy love. Those with healthy egos however, have self-esteem, and so they are capable of looking into YOU. Helpful questions to uncover where you are on the ego spectrum, and consequently discover if the love you are giving and getting in your relationship is healthy: We are each born with a set of original needs, Dave categorizes them into the 5 As: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. -Attention- your caretakers focused on your needs in an engaged way -Acceptance- your family and community accepted you as you were -Appreciation- your family cherished and celebrated you -Affection- your family showed affection in physical and appropriate ways -Allowing- your family supported you without clinging or holding you back These five needs remain with us throughout our life and they create a solid definition of how love is shown. How do you know that you really love yourself? Ask! Using the same 5As you can ask yourself “Am I paying attention to my needs? Am I accepting myself as I really am? Am I holding myself as valuable? Am I taking care of my body? Am I allowing myself to make the choices that reflect who I am rather than what others insist? Notice your answers, and notice how assertive you are. Can you state your needs without aggression or demand? Are you afraid of asking for what you want or afraid of your needs themselves? Are you afraid of needing or wanting to be fully loved? Bring the 5 As into your relationship by talking through them with your partner and turning the questions around! How can I pay attention to your needs? Am I accepting you as you really are? Etc. This can be in incredibly informative and empowering process to pursue together. When you can give yourself the 5As it is called healthy self-love. When you can give your partner the 5As it is called intimacy. And don’t be fooled. Acts of self-love are in themselves a way of showing love to others. Turning attention inward helps you show up and be fully you! The 4A Process: In establishing intimacy, it is critical to address fears of intimacy- Although subconscious, hidden, or simply out of awareness, many relationship conflicts arise from two common fears originating from our childhoods: 1) fear of abandonment and 2) fear of engulfment. These fears develop into fears of intimacy and are the root causes of so many relationship struggles (both MAJOR and minor ones!). The 4A process can help you and your partner work through the fear(s). 1) Admit- admit you are afraid, share with your partner 2) Allow- allow yourself to feel the feeling 3) Act as If- feel the fear but do it anyway, don’t let the fear stop you 4) Affirmation- Tell yourself “I am letting go of this fear” An example: “When you hug me I feel scared you will smother me, but please keep hugging me so that I can work through this feeling because I know you are safe and will not overwhelm me. I don’t want the fear to stop this moment that is happening, so I am going to let go of this fear.” Work with original fears so that you can experience the other side of intimacy! There is a difference between fear management (making exceptions, working around, and placating ourselves, etc) versus taking responsibility for our fear (tracing source, acknowledging triggers, expressing awareness). It’s not you, It’s me! While our romantic relationships are indeed sources of deep happiness, they are also our best labs in which to grow into awakened, full, and healthy human beings. As so many of us have experienced, our intimate partnerships lead us to the most undeveloped parts of ourselves. Humbling! Intruiging! And experience shows that everyone, we mean everyone, has childhood scars that continue to dwell in the psyche and play out in subtle, and unsubtle ways! Taking responsibility and becoming aware of how our past carries over into the present is in itself an ACT OF LOVE. Healthy relationships give us the opportunity to heal old wounds, and therefore the ability to have healthier relationships, and so on. Welcome these opportunities to heal your past! For those of you growth-oriented partners, you can begin to ask yourself and your partner “how can I best sponsor growth and healing?” From this place of love, you can engage in what Dave calls Safe Conversations. Safe Conversations- If you want to love yourself and allow your relationship (current or future) to have more love in it, you must be willing to have conversations without judgement about how the past is informing the present. From here you can choose how you want to give and receive the 5As and how to have a relationship in which childhood wounds are no longer getting in the way. Safe Conversations help to air out and find patterns for deeper understanding. Here is short list of example questions to discuss with your partner (taking turns asking each other), but please refer to Dave’s book for more a more in depth discussion. “How were your early needs handled in childhood? How did your parents show you the 5 As?” “How can your needs be met now in this relationship?” “How were your feelings handled and expressed in your childhood? How was sadness shown? Anger? Fear? Joy?” “How were conflicts handled by your parents?” “How do you want to handle conflicts in our relationship?” “How was free speech seen ny your family?” “How can you feel safe to speak your needs in our relationship?” This is a lot! It is long, deep, unfolding, and takes an immense amount of ego-less led presence. Take breaks! And lastly, a suggestion for expanding your daily capacity for loving kindness: Daily rituals help call our awareness to attention, Dave shares his morning dedication with us: “I say yes to everything that happens to me today as an opportunity to give and receive love without reserve. I am thankful for the enduring capacity to love that has come to me from the sacred heart of the universe. May everything that happens to me today open my heart more and more. May all that I think, say, feel, and do, express loving kindness towards myself, those close to me, and all beings. May love be my life purpose, my bliss, my destiny, my calling, the richest grace I can receive or give and may I always be especially compassionate toward people who are considered least, or last, or who feel alone or lost” Resources Dave Richo's Website How to Be an Adult in Relationship on Amazon How to Be an Adult in Love on Amazon You Are Not What You Think on Amazon www.neilsattin.com/adult Visit to download the show guide, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the show guide to this episode with Dave Richo Our Relationship Alive Community on Facebook Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out!

Revolutionary tools to release all barriers to helath, healing and happiness. What if you were the cause – and the cure – of your physical and emotional distress? Now let’s take away the doubt – YOU ARE the cause, as well as the cure, of your physical and emotional distress. My guest tonight has discovered that the biggest barrier to our total health and happiness is, OURSELVES. That’s right, it’s true. Our negative mindset, often unconscious, prevents us from dealing positively with stress, disease and unhappiness, which blocks us from achieving our best possible life. Dr. Grayson, is a cutting edge mind/body/spirit psychologist who began his practice as a psychoanalyst. He is a pioneer in spirituality based mind body energy psychology and the founder of the National Institute for the Psychotherapies in New York. He draws upon quantum physics, neuropsychology, the major psychotherapies, subtle energies and new “power therapies” whch include EMDR, EFT and TFT in his practice. He created Synergetic Therapy and is the author of Mindful Loving and The New Physics of Love and tonight, we are very fortunate because he is here to discuss his new book, Use Your Mind to Heal Your Body.

Revolutionary tools to release all barriers to helath, healing and happiness. What if you were the cause – and the cure – of your physical and emotional distress? Now let’s take away the doubt – YOU ARE the cause, as well as the cure, of your physical and emotional distress. My guest tonight has discovered that the biggest barrier to our total health and happiness is, OURSELVES. That’s right, it’s true. Our negative mindset, often unconscious, prevents us from dealing positively with stress, disease and unhappiness, which blocks us from achieving our best possible life. Dr. Grayson, is a cutting edge mind/body/spirit psychologist who began his practice as a psychoanalyst. He is a pioneer in spirituality based mind body energy psychology and the founder of the National Institute for the Psychotherapies in New York. He draws upon quantum physics, neuropsychology, the major psychotherapies, subtle energies and new “power therapies” whch include EMDR, EFT and TFT in his practice. He created Synergetic Therapy and is the author of Mindful Loving and The New Physics of Love and tonight, we are very fortunate because he is here to discuss his new book, Use Your Mind to Heal Your Body.

Dr. Henry Grayson, renowned Psychologist, Ph.D., author of Mindful Loving and The New Physics of Love will teach you how to Use Your Body to Heal Your Mind. Dr. Grayson will teach you how to get to the barriers to healing as well as to the basic original cause of an illness, physical or emotional. A doctor will not tell you what the cause of the diagnosis is, instead you will typically be told how to focus on repairing the symptom in a certain body part only. The underlying cause is not likely to be attended to, for it often lurks under the surface, requiring ongoing and relentless curiosity and the deep desire to know. While research has defined some of the origins of various illnesses, it most often does not get beyond the linear connection to something physical. And especially, there is rarely any attention given to identifying the barriers to health and healing. And alas, most physicians and other health care professionals are just not trained in this manner since it is rarely if ever included in traditional or naturopathic medical school curriculum, and little is presented in the curriculum in training psychotherapists. Your deeper healing may come more from embracing a quantum world view, a spiritual world view inspired by ancient wisdom traditions, or an unveiling of an unconscious psychological perspective. Growing numbers of self healers have found in their experience, as Dr. Grayson has found in his, that repeated colds, viruses, backaches and allergies are just not necessary! Nor are so many of our more serious and even life threatening illnesses inevitable and incurable!Workshops are scheduled in: Baltimore, MD on 3/6/2010, Austin Texas on 4/17/10, Rye, NY 5/7-5/8 2010, and Chicago 6/5/2010.www.henrygrayson.com to find out more or to register! call 203-227-5238

Dr. Henry Grayson, renowned Psychologist, Ph.D., author of Mindful Loving and The New Physics of Love will teach you how to Use Your Body to Heal Your Mind. Dr. Grayson will teach you how to get to the barriers to healing as well as to the basic original cause of an illness, physical or emotional. A doctor will not tell you what the cause of the diagnosis is, instead you will typically be told how to focus on repairing the symptom in a certain body part only. The underlying cause is not likely to be attended to, for it often lurks under the surface, requiring ongoing and relentless curiosity and the deep desire to know. While research has defined some of the origins of various illnesses, it most often does not get beyond the linear connection to something physical. And especially, there is rarely any attention given to identifying the barriers to health and healing. And alas, most physicians and other health care professionals are just not trained in this manner since it is rarely if ever included in traditional or naturopathic medical school curriculum, and little is presented in the curriculum in training psychotherapists. Your deeper healing may come more from embracing a quantum world view, a spiritual world view inspired by ancient wisdom traditions, or an unveiling of an unconscious psychological perspective. Growing numbers of self healers have found in their experience, as Dr. Grayson has found in his, that repeated colds, viruses, backaches and allergies are just not necessary! Nor are so many of our more serious and even life threatening illnesses inevitable and incurable!Workshops are scheduled in: Baltimore, MD on 3/6/2010, Austin Texas on 4/17/10, Rye, NY 5/7-5/8 2010, and Chicago 6/5/2010.www.henrygrayson.com to find out more or to register! call 203-227-5238