30 Going On 13

In this episode we discuss the Lancome Juicy Tube ads with all the 2000s crushes, lip glosses with cranks, how commercials used to be fun, YouTube vids of raking sand filled with dildos, a POW review of Rubicon, being self-conscious about our knowledge of primate species, the anxiety induced by the trapeze on Math Circus, the ethics of George having sex, and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss the Royal Match celebrity ad epidemic, Momtok, stinky ice cubes, a review of the Tim Horton's Infusr, the iconic schoolyard romp of Scotty Doesn't Know, sex comedies as the OG pornog, the lip ring version of Matt Damon, the depiction of Europe in film, the ethics of showing teen bobos, reliving old MSN convos, the atrocity of a sex scene in a confessional and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss how we're the adult snackboiz podcast, the ponpon style of shirt, the discovery of a downbeat zhjing, the power of a sunglass+ hat combination, the funhouse effects on a YouTube watch, 40 year olds pretending to be teens, women in stem but make it fashion, the beauty of a made up name, wanting a diary with a kill switch, a no-kids condo, and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss the age old feud of car vs. pedestrian, Maddy's family business, pulling your tongue muscle from sedentary lifestyle, the apple juice clip that rocked the nation, an explosive edition of POW, when you bundle an uber eats, Liv's bout of mania pursuing her P.I license, being a sleepy teen, Loretta Cancun, nature versus nurture when it comes to being a P.I, thermos lunches, the stank of fridge air infusing into food, when you try to fix a curl, and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss Maddy's anti-Pretty Woman moment, Liv's de-collaring of Lindt bunnies, birthday cake pop, using the word groom in reference to kids, Abby's teaching methods, divorce caused by dance, stuffing your ballet shoe, whether Abby Lee is a changeling, the owner of Candy Apple Studios, the infamous Star Trek-style costume malfunction and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss AI videos of anthropomorphic cats & barnacle-filled whales, Maddy's box seats at the hanging, exhaustion in the bones, Liv's romantic getaway to East Side Marios, the most anti-climactic prank of all time, the classic straight man vamp vs. comedy vamp, the need for representation of kids with parents, body con plain tees, the ethics of vampires dating teens, a huge revelation about the title and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss our sad bank accounts, hairlines and head circumferences, the connection between 9/11 and the origin of bratz dolls, Blair's passion for James Cameron and his Titanic-obsessed ass, being a girlie girl, Maddy's penchant for eating Polly Pocket hats, the size of modern teens' jeans, how old these damn dolls are and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss sleep eating, how big 2am is in music, how you take your banana bread, the menu at the CCFAC, a bombastic new edish of POW/TTC/Pop Culture, Coke Zero as the masc version of DC, those condos from The Hills, the character of Josh aka a boyfriend straight out of Loony Tunes, the parade of hats, the flash in the pan that was Ryan Cabrera, song writing with the drummer from Sugar Ray and SO MUCH MORE!!! 

The media we are ingesting is all over the place. Also why is sushi available 24/7 at the airport? We talk Carrie, The Pitt, The Studio, BLINK the podcast and so many other things. We are always looking for recommendations on the Patreon so please join if ya can :)PATREON LINK: https://www.patreon.com/user?u=80325551 

In this episode we discuss those lil Charmin toilet bears, a POW review of Cove soda, injuries caused by doodoo shovelling, the fear of brain-eating amoebas, the infamous curse, Livin' La Vida Loca as a dog whistle for ADHD kids, singing Mambo Number 5 on the schoolyard, how sexed up this high school is, Mr.Shu's closet of camel coloured Danier leather jackets, how terrible the name Cheerios is for the cheerleading team and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss all the cyber sleuthing in the wake of Big Hairy Leg, a botched Orange Coke Zero live review, whether or not you have a puff pit, how much stalkers love stinky pillows, the distinct accent of art dealers, how silly it is when men have hair, misrepresentation of hackers, checking up on someone taking long in the bathroom, the famous “in English please” trope, and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss some boots on the ground intel about Nancy Grace, a review of the 7Up Shirley Temple, childrens' books that are the stuff of nightmares, the Blossom hat, when moms go to “Paris”, long-sleeve pyjama shirts, the first time using a tampon, writing a letter to CosmoGirl, the era of garlic decor, how gross it is to scratch a back, celebrating when a girl gets her period and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss candy culture from childhood, growing up with an ice machine, THE bar aka the log-shaped Reese, how shirley temples = Swiss Chalet, Lifehouse, the womens' version of a civil war re-enactment, baby Lex Luther's luscious ginger hair, the targeted hit from that meteor, Lex getting Nair'd by a meteor, Allison Mack, wearing bikini-style underwear, and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss the origin of Maddy's hypochondria, orange pee, a new hot spot in town, how hard it is to do pizza dough, what an aardvark is, whether or not Muffy is hot, how much Binky looks like a grown man, the personification of Arthur's organs, and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss the irksome texture of kiwi, juice from concentrate, the sonic warfare waged by the words “ceetus lupeedus” , how boring space seems, the angler fish, studying bone marrow in space, the blurring of lines between adults and kids, a boy band called Microbe, what a big brat Zenon is, the tragic aunt Judy character, the sonic equivalent of “the dress”, and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss Pop Of The Week (POW) featuring drinks with aloe chunks, whether or not we board (hint we don't), the ill-fated Vermont ski trip, putting a boy in your MSN name, the Scoot of it all, the epidemic of too-big hats, metaphors about women being like expired milk and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss some major pop debacles, My Strange Addiction strawberry applesauce edition, the scent notes of an elementary school gym closet, putting pillows in a blanket box every night, Nemo's aka the other lead character, wearing stockings in your own house and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss being a nosty girl, what came first the awful husband or the awful husband show, go-to flaves for sparkling water, our cool new cartoon character Black Cherry, robots taking our jobs, recognizing AI animals, sitcoms joking about postpartum, cool girls eating baby food, drawing a penu on your buddy's face, the "crazy sister" archetype, and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss Maddy being a popcorner, the mind-blowing Cool Rider cameo in Merry Gentlemen, how Smartfood stinks weird, crying about food, Liv's shameful Everybody Loves Raymond spiral, man caves, married couples “hooking up”, how using Fank Costanza is basically doping, the horror of having to share your bathroom, the missed opportunity with the title and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss how Maddy is "getting into pops", being shamed by the Presto tapper, eating all the cookies before a cookie swap, the need to make shortbread sexy again, the wig in the room, stars infiltrating the Hallmark sector, the utter castration of CMM, the Rhythm Room's business model, disgracing Magic Mike, the cult-like behaviour of these parents, the 5-inch log cake, and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss the absolute banger of a soundtrack, the Wishbone wardrobe guy, the OOAK, ripe green pepper corns, what Colin Firth does to aunts/moms/grandmas, “my mummy's netflix my choice”, thinking 32 would be fun, the horror of the weight stuff, our go-bags for Hugh Grant, the phobia of hearing people talk about you, Kafka's motorbike, the sickening feeling as a kid re:the affair, Lara the Hakim optical sl*t, the infamous blue soup, and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss a PSA to people who send bad photos, how we all need to start wearing the same outfit 24/7, how alarming it is that a child made this hofro, Dustin Milligan's striking appearance, the classic "curtain billowing in the wind" trope, the anatomy and intellectual makeup of a hofro, grown women taking advantage of a 3 day-old snowman, the financial abuse committed against Lacey, the small town politics of Hope Springs and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss yearning for high school football culture, having an X account in this day and age,  the joy of discovering English Teacher, bespoke boys cosplaying football, the Canadian version of a cheerleading costume, America's obsession with teens, Schitt's Creek guy playing a hot snowman, Toronto giving Taylor Swift the ick, why Connie Britton is just good people, the foreign language that is "plays" and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss AI nostalgia videos, the most bummer months of the year, Liv's baby mittens for her rotting finger, Maddy's medical doctor lineage, the song Green Tambourine by Mikey, being attracted to TJ Detweiler, Mikey's objectum-sexual relationship with his bike, speculation about Gus' home life and his military dad, the Botox lips on the Digger Brothers, and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss the concept of dogs h-wording, how it turns out that anti-sex doesn't sell, some killer dog costume ideas, RyGo, how evergreen the creepiness of these opening credits is, the "glasses boy" character, having shrimp cocktail and mashed potatoes for breakfast, whether the brother is "in the coffin" still, 11 y.o mechanics, the cameo from GilGo and SO MUCH MORE!!! 

In this episode we discuss going off the rails for a night of clurb-ing to the GBumps theme, the mystery of Elliot Moose, ordering Halloween costumes on UberEats, the sinister nature of Kasamba ads, how cute and unassuming R.L Stine is, Kid Buys His Own Advent Calendar aka the saddest story ever told, the name Carly Beth, the He-Man childhood test for depression, being deemed not criminally responsible by reason of insanity by worm, some sinister undertones and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss ways to get in sweata weatha spirit, fake voicemails from murderers, the bizarre 9/11 connection, how it's easier to learn FD logic as a kid, having to identify your son's body by a Playboy Bunny necklace, putting your soggy bathing suit in a plastic bag, how the rube goldberg is not rube-ing in this movie, shishkabobs, how Glee is basically FD, wanting conjugal visits with FD and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss the greatest month of all, people who lay their life on the line for the company dime, saying “sweet dreams” before you get sedated, the quirkiness of reactive dogs, when your partner has a celebrity crush, digital camera photo albums with multiple parts, whether Halloween horror fests have been cancelled, camcorder culture, being an FD premonition kid, the clear Mac mouse, the FD GOAT death aka the tanning bed and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss America's sweetheart Moo Deng, the societal downfall brought by Hawk Tuah girl, having to triage your ailments, Liv's upcoming hole-onoscopy appointment, Maddy getting shafted by her live-in model scout, being performative with Animorph books, the loathsome nature of Rita Repulsa's hat, reverse visual ASMR, a new horror flick from MadLiv Productions and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss Alexa PenaVega's casting as young HH, when the infamous "prodigal son returns", H2 as Blake Lively's inspo, the dubiousness of the Dorothy gumbo pot of spheres technology, printing mapquest directions, the unspoken secret that the nerds are the bullies, HH's psycho sexual obsession with tornados, how Jami Gertz is the hero, how you shouldn't bring your doggie storm chasing, the absolute lack of stakes, not wanting our crushes to see us flying around in a tornado and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss the lack of response to the trump shark image, the movies our high school teachers played in class that had nothing to do with the subject, our fellow Canadian Justin Chatwin, how Samue was totally right about ice, the archetype of "man who puts science above everything", whether those masks on planes are even real, the quintessential childhood Pompei phase, these people who keep doing their job when the world is ending, how our parents wouldn't come for us like DQuaid, the cozy library that sparked the lust for end of the world, the way the ice be creepin, how annoying the astronauts are  and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss having ciabatta bread for the first time, how the greatest comedy bit ever performed was by a shark, admitting to pimp my riding a shark, the quintessential monkey bar scene, having to deliver the line “come to mama” as an actor, water shoes aka the ultimate boner killer, singing and dancing at the sight of your work in smitherenes and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss our never ending saga with terrible hairlines, Liv's fairytale trip to the farm, how hot Maddy looks in her new movie, the prospect of us doing the apple dance, the mystery of Thomas Jane, thinking the same was Samu, how terrifying the majesty of the ocean is, the rules of parole for a shark wrangler, catios for humans, the physics of the shark platform in the Austin Powers lab and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss all the staples of “lake sweet lake” style cottagecore, the worst story you'll ever hear in your life, hating Jared P cause of Dean from Gilmore Girls, why no one wanted to watch Smallville, how Jensen Ackles is the most underrated hunk, how JDM is the ultimate life partner, the scariness of "person on ceiling" vs. "person in corner", the viability of being a demon hunter or a writer, the trigger that is Halloween, the importance of the line “dad's on a hunting trip” and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss the no-mans land that is Facebook its the bday army, converting Maddy to the deodorant-on-thigh method, Liv discovering Chappell Roan, the cozy childhood Reba experience, how actors don't get to be rich anymore, if Reba had Sabrina Carpenter bangs, 90's kitchen aesthetic, Barbara Jean as the young hot thang, wanting to get a scalp cleaning, barebacking a woven garbage basket in the kitchen and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss all the super kewl terms for marijuana, the origin story of Boston Pizza, how millennials tried to ruin dogs with doggos & toe beans, how much our babies look like us, all the mudslinging going on on the Patreon, emotional support iced coffees, mad love for MLP and her traumatic history, the brilliance of Elizabeth Perkins, how the twains of s*x and family should never meet, those chain belts, how you shouldn't put teddy cams in teen bedrooms, the plans for our animal sanctuary and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss being fungal queens, the truth behind what ringworm is, a god awful experience dining on King West, a play by play account of our first time watching a live performance of guacamole, temperature freaks, wanting the Wonderbread of tacos, our brains utterly refusing to accept knowledge about things we find boring, these strangers we watched named Mike and Pops, how demolitions used to be a thing back in the day, the sinister vibes of old timey construction footage, the beauty of lifelong learners, Maddy's new show, hot new stuff happening on the Patreon and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss our never ending support for big business, if the internet might just be a bad thing after all, being ready for a baby in your 50s, a huge development in the Shawn Ashmore saga, coming out as artists (in the month of pride no less), how push pins immediately evoke duotangs, making frames out of sponges aka the worst craft ever made, how impressive the big art attacks with clothes were, Liv's childhood attempt at securing a Guinness world record, using the droopy man exercise as a test for perverts, the coolest thing about drawing a cube, being workaholics in elementary school and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss all the constructs and schemas we break down via nostalgia (which isn't cringe), the madlibs that is the genre of “Canadian improvised soap-opera”, the legend of the McDonald's caboose, being at peace with North West being Simba, mystery smells, Facebook memories of humiliating past statuses, how when you see something (a bad show) you need to say something (horrible about it), that classic commuter archetype of the lothario, not being a patriot, sleeper cells awoken by the national anthem, when your Canadian is showing, how Toronto is technically Little America, actors making choices, hooking up on the GO Train, and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss the latest news in the chip world with Lays super mash bro mashups, Maddy's infamous work relationship with her peer Shawn Ashmore and Liv's unfounded hate-on for him, getting negged by Youtube, the problem with teen paramedics, being activists for the group PAF (Podcasters Against Fireworks), how people ought to eat noodles instead of baby eels, using a cucumber to practice CPR, the ethics of stepping on a tarantula and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss an amazing new segment called "Burden Of The Week", the newly released Tim Horton's flatbreads, the varying boiling points of a microwave pizza, doing a Supersize Me but for brain by feeding your brain junk food, being an unfluencer, when your phone blows up after giving your number for condo pre-build info, clickbait about the sun baby, all the phallic symbols, the era of Tinky Winky gay panic, the horror of going behind the scenes at a dairy farm, whether listening to diarrhea noises for 10 minutes should pass for baby comedy, being a medical marvels and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss our issues with all the money men dogging us, the sock wars waging online, Liv's disdain for the current fashion trends, the OG classic dog names, the b-team roster of "before school shows", being sad that Wishbones dead, what happened to the silky smooth bowl cut hair after the bowl cut, how perfect all the costumes were on WB, how much the "pound" was featured in 90s kids movies, Blue Hat Lady, Dean Caine as Little John, Maddy's experience with protesting in the lunchroom, wishing they didn't give WB a love interest and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss an insane My Strange Addiction circa 2024 update which involves a wine tour of eating cush, Liv's Chipotle hack that went haywire, Maddy's garbage bag of buns, the horror of a grown woman crying about being “deflowered”, debunking nosebleed tactics, the endless comedy of bigs with littles, the era of foot-in-toilet syndrome, the signature Ashton shrill voice and Brittany tongue smile, asking for it by marrying a “sports guy”, whether it's cozy to be trapped in a snowball, the Ricola yoddle, the American girl character saying “nee nu nee nu”, more court cases and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss Maddy's professional jealousy of Joe Rogan, EQAO season and 3-sided mini cubicles, a listener story about making their own Coyote Ugly bar that only served water, Tyra Banks shadowing a homeless person, our eternal love for Brittany Murphy aka the Queen of Charm, being a Butterfly Effect girl, Liv's infamous eerie childhood photography, the female millennial obsession with being smol, a full court case involving the treatment of dogs in 2000's comedy, rich mother characters legally needing to be named something sexual, how rich families are apparently obsessed with flag football and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss being in love with Ty Pennington even though he probs stinks weird, learning about "Tree Man" aka the first time Maddy ever felt empathy, liking our cream eggs soft boiled, hating the name "Amy Wynn",  all the "comedy" no one asked for, Sesame Street Bluenotes t-shirts as the original band tee, the hidden goofs and gags amidst the sped up scenes, the era of green & white checkered decor, those horrifying life-size toddler dolls that cry in the corner, coffee table centrepieces made with sand & potpourri & gems, when ad execs discovered that sex sells, using slip covers as a design crutch, the drama of painting the furniture, public access internet ATM's, giving a room a "spicy Asian theme" (yikes), and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss our newest show idea of a detective who uses sticky feet to collect evidence, how Trading Spaces has been wiped from existence, a listener's celeb encounter with Stacy London, an update on the TCO feat. Mini Eggs mash up, how stupid the word "clodhopper" is, our first times (with true crime, duh), using nougat as methodone to wean off cushion, Liv's reveal of her own strange addiction, the danger of getting shot by hunters as a furry, the horror show that is bezaors, beanies with brims and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss our trials and tribulations with parenting small rodents,  how terrifying it would be to live in the early wild west days of reality tv, getting revenge on the people who nominated you, how "fashionable" Stacy and Clinton are, the specific type of trauma incurred by the subjects of reality tv,  getting absolutely ripped to shreds while in  a 3-way mirror aka the most vulnerable place on the planet, how a "big ass" used to be an insult, the irksome nature of throwing  the clothes out WITH the hangers into  an OG trash can, how Nick Arrojo only knows how to cut hair short, our ride or die Carmindy, Gina's visible PTSD at the end and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss “The 4 S's” of non-negotiable film genres, Oleato and lavender lattes, the Mini Egg & TCO supermash bros style mashup we've all been waiting for, comparing regional tv channels and Pizza Pizza phone numbers, the childhood/adulthood shock of seeing Kate's belly, Leah being a “tiny controller”, whether we owe Kate an apology, the type of person who would become an AOD (Angel Of Death), if we'd give some of the sextuplets away, the complicated mathematics of their custody arrangement, when your hairstyle becomes a halloween costume, Jon's transition to a DJ/stripper, the age old question: what is a DJ? And SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss Maddy choosing to not go into the family foley artist business, NYC baseball teams (weird), whether you're legally allowed to bully kids if they're rich, the worst year in fashion history aka 2009, scull scarves, the poor man's rich Chuck Bass, the money laundering scheme called Operation Smile, being burnt out at 10 y.o, Sebastian's sick addiction to "hooking up", hideous Tuscan apartments, BBM, how going to a restaurant in NYC is called "having a party", announcing you've never had sex with your husband on insta and SO MUCH MORE!!!

In this episode we discuss the sinister conspiracy involving mid-level celebrities and the game Royal Match, the signature filter of Canadian tv, getting attacked by 90's font, not being able to relate to the human experience of wearing a chef souffle hat, whether this show is just a giant health ed video for/by parents, stuffing your bra with ping pong balls and Nespresso pods, the scariest scene in the history of the world, the protocol needed for a male teacher handling a bra and SO MUCH MORE!!!

Guess what we talk about in this episode? Maddy's insane "economic theories" with no basis, 123-let-me-watch-this.com, low rise jeans making us sick with little tops, an internet outage occurs, resonating with Johnny Drama, HATING TURTLE the sex pest, doing a captcha with Turtle, Hummer "cars" HUMVEES, terrible service at THE GAP, Vince being a secretly bad actor, waiting for the moment we have our own entourage, a real deep Parent Trap callback, Jet and Cold Hard Bitch running the 2000s, Lola Freezes and the pyramids and... MATAHORN MATAHORN MATAHORN.