Humanity's Values | Explorations of Relational Living

Diagnoses are a frame of reference for looking at behavior, and therefore often limit us to understanding one another and ourselves.  When it comes to gun control, the focus on mental health by both sides is accurate, but not for the reason either thinks. If we want to effect change, then we need to step away from limiting stories about our behavior, and into how we expand a person's flexibility in the face of interpersonal difficulty.

Discussed nature of mental health work, autism, seeing people as wholes rather than parts, and learning to experience life through different understandings of social influence.   Links for Jeff: Twitter: @primalhex Email: jeff.fullington@gmail.com   Links for show: Twitter: @lifeweavings Humanity's Values Life Weavings, LLC

Juan Lee is an author and teacher on the powerful principle of love. Raised within the Christian church, Juan has turned to teachings about love over the years to find strength, understanding and hope.   As a child, Juan was the youngest of four children raised by a single father. Juan struggled with an undiagnosed learning disability that made school difficult. He joined the US Air Force out of high school in hopes just to survive.     Juan Lee | the Author (juanleetheauthor.com)   Juan Lee, Author | Facebook   Love Made Simple: A Guide to Inner Peace, Contentment, and Success _________   For more information, please check out the website for Humanity's Values, and you can check out the website and Facebook page for Life Weavings, LLC for blogs and other resources.

Interview with Bryan Nixon, a therapist at and founder of Mindful Counseling GR in Grand Rapids, MI. Here we discuss therapeutic modality and the relationship with the client. Things to consider: 1. Philosophy of the therapist 2. Therapist idea of therapeutic relationship with client 3. Therapist dedication to continued education and self-inquiry ------ Why in the World Podcast   Why in the World IG   Relationally Focused Psychodynamic Therapy (RFPT) - A postgrad continuing ed program for therapists to deepen their work with clients   Mindful Counseling GR   ------   For more information, please check out the website for Humanity's Values, and you can check out the website and Facebook page for Life Weavings, LLC for blogs and other resources.

We've been exploring habits and steps for building and maintaining healthy relationships. Here we continue that journey by looking at intimacy and its connection to authenticity. We can learn to express different parts of ourselves in different situations and through different relationships, by building the space for honestly reflecting on whether the person you're showing up as is the person you want to explore becoming. The answer might surprise you. _________   For more information, please check out the website for Humanity's Values, and you can check out the website and Facebook page for Life Weavings, LLC for blogs and other resources.

Exploring the work of John and Julie Gottman on the "4 Horsemen" of relationship communication errors and working through steps to build healthy connections for personal and relationship growth. We work through four steps beginning with identifying what you Value and finishing with applying grace often. Relationships, in all levels of intimacy, are fruitful spaces for expanding meaning and finding out new ways of being the best version of yourself you know to be. _________   For more information, please check out the website for Humanity's Values, and you can check out the website and Facebook page for Life Weavings, LLC for blogs and other resources.

We all know love when we feel it, yet often it's the emotion most connected to confusion and heartache. The confusion and uncertainty, hurt and life search, is largely because while we think we know what love is, we rarely take a hard-stop to ask ourselves what we really mean by it.   Looking at 3 metaphors about love: "You Complete Me," "Two Become One," and "Being on the Same Journey." Explore the assumptions that come with each, problems that arise, and how each can be supportive of our unmet attachment needs. _________   For more information, please check out the website for Humanity's Values, and you can check out the website and Facebook page for Life Weavings, LLC for blogs and other resources.

Exploration of the third untruth in Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt in their book "The Coddling of the American Mind." That untruth, "Life is a battle between good people and evil people" will be explained and an alternative truth given, of "Life is a lived experience through many perspectives."  We can encourage dialogue, explore our differences, and grow together through expanding our awareness beyond the limitations our identity labels give us. 

Looking at the "untruth" of "Always trust your feelings" from the book "The Coddling of the American Mind" by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt. In response, I offer an alternative principle to live by, one that is grounded in science and provides a path of resiliency to develop. We look at the difference between "affect" and "feelings" and how the theory of allostasis can help us better understand our emotional lives. 

As noted by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt in their book "The Coddling of the American Mind," there is an untruth of "what doesn't kill you makes you weaker." To that, we will instead embrace a deeper appreciation for how our brain/body system works within experience to prepare us for an uncertain future. Ultimately we can learn to accept and even desire to build a capacity for seeing errors and mistakes and consequences as spaces for growth. 

An exploration of hatred within an understanding of our very human need to shape reality to suit our vision of what we believe it to be or should be, and seeing then how anything that gets in the way of that vision invokes our passions. 

Democracy is a Value-based interpersonal construct for guiding human behavior. As such, democracy exists at the intersection of humanity's greatest potential and all our foibles. We can aspire to be the best versions of ourselves that we know to be, but it requires an active engagement, both on the ground through action and also through mindful reflection. Here we explore voting through the Relational-ACT lens of Values, Narratives, and Behavior to see why there's so much emotional weight to this time in history.

Working through the stories that bring us down, that make it difficult to cope with adversity. Exploring three basic truths concerning how we deal with consequences, create meaning/purpose and learn to accept our feelings without having them be the only truth that matters.  References "Coddling of the American Mind" by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt.

Looking at failure, it's inevitability in our lives and how you can accept, learn from and not define the whole of who you are by it. Will tie the nature of failure to last episode's discussion of behavior and go over six steps to working through the difficulty of failing. 

Ever wondered what behavior was all about? Here we explore Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) through the relational structure of Values - Narrative - Behavior. We'll be challenging the usual understanding of behavior for one that takes into consideration the nature of our predictive brains and our deep need to construct a reality that works for us and makes sense. 

Our desire for simple answers is funneled through the intrinsic psychology of having the stories of our lives be consistent. This consistency is always self-serving, in the sense of providing a feeling of 'being right,' of having perception prove the truth of our judgments. This whole process finds a troubling outlet in the medicalization of our inner worlds and the pathologizing of human behavior.

Anger is often maligned as "negative" and "destructive," looked at as morally suspect and commonly sought to be removed from the lives of those coming in for therapy. Exploring these stories, we can come to see anger as a tool for assessing what we Value and step back from behavior that only feels inevitable. You can flexibly respond to your stories in ways that show the best version of yourself.

Exploring the nature of 'anecdotal evidence,' why it's so enticing and why we all engage in it. Connection made with bias and why bias doesn't mean there's something wrong with our rationality or our minds.

Setting goals too often leads us into shame and self-doubt. I want to encourage you to possibly stop goal-setting for a moment and focus on what you care about. Start livable goals from a place of what you're already doing, succeed from a place of plenty rather than wasting energy trying to leap from lack. We can help explore this by using the religious practices of Lent and dive into how Values never leave us.

The pursuit of change is as varied as New Year's Resolutions and almost always focused on what we consciously are doing. Looking at change as a foundational law of life can help us on our journey's of discovery and see others more clearly.

What is happening when we have "feelings" about someone? What should we do about them? Do they require anything of us or of the other person? These questions do not have to generate the angst they so often do. A reminder that our humanity is always looking for what is important to us.

Exploring the so-called "replication problem" in psychological research, in particular focusing on "the Marshmallow Test." Looking at issues about replication, definition and the nature of complexity in studying people.

The struggle between the individualistic and collectivist pressures of our humanity, as seen through reading C.G. Jung’s “The Undiscovered Self” and how the subsuming of a whole person to one or another label, one or another characteristic, however powerful that label may have in its desired meaning, is to set that person up as an impossibly perfect standard and lead to dismissal in the pursuit of purity.

How our ability to shift perspective includes others and our own future selves. Trap is in thinking such stories about intent are anything more than guesswork. Reading from The Atlantic article “Self-Control is Just Empathy with Your Future Self” by Ed Yong. Every perspective is an extension of our own narrative, to get at truth means questioning even what we believe we think is right.

Exploring the nature of self-control, the connection it has to empathy and the picture we have of our ideal self. Reading from The Atlantic article “Self-Control is Just Empathy with Your Future Self” by Ed Yong. Just as we get trapped in the present of a narrow perspective, so our future can become similarly limited.

Further exploration of Sharon Martin’s article looking at: How Codependents Can Stop Enabling and Controlling. Focusing on the habits that enable the behavior of others and learning how enabling is often about the stories we tell ourselves to avoid the uncertainty of deeper questions and keep us from exploring our lives. We are so much more than what we often let ourselves believe.

Exploring an article by Sharon Martin looking at: How Codependents Can Stop Enabling and Controlling. Asking questions of these characteristics are in all relationships, how boundaries work and whether we’re as separate from one another as we think.

A discussion with Heather McPherson, AASECT certified sex therapist, licensed marriage and family therapist, therapist supervisor and founder and CEO of the Sexual Health Alliance. What is the role of a sex therapist? What are common misunderstandings of human sexuality? What leads to a fulfilling sexual relationship?

We are more than any single behavior, yet often define the whole of who we are by a perceived negative act. Our self-labels hide as much as they reveal in an attempt at making the vision of our lives simple and coherent. Exploring the variables contributing to addiction helps us see how the way we look at ourselves can lead to limited understanding of our decisions.

We often create stories to address one problem, only to have it take on a life of its own. More difficult is when such a story is religion and the tendency towards absolutism is a strong psychological pull. Jung’s “The Undiscovered Self” helps us see where when dealing with fanaticism we may unwittingly pull similar tendencies from within ourselves.

Exploring C.G. Jung’s collection of essays “The Undiscovered Self.” The struggle between individual responsibility and the pull of collective identities where responsibility for standing for what one believes is give away. Why do you believe what you do?

Working through “concept creep” and how our mental system of association can expand what is included in ideas and exclude a more nuanced and expansive understanding of experience. No single perspective holds all of reality, we progress in personal growth within our shared humanity through the exploration of varying visions identifying what is important. Mentions: Psychology Today, Mad in America

Viewing emotions from a place of acceptance and acknowledgment of our humanity. Removing the false fight between emotions and reason. Identifying where unhelpful assumptions of our emotional lives trap us into destructive self-talk. Mentions: Daniel Siegel, Steven Hayes, Kelly Wilson

Mindfulness, what it is, the benefits from its practice, and a common misunderstanding. Learn to not get trapped in the lie of a single thought or story being all of who you are. Reality and our potential is bigger than any singular narrow vision. Mentions: Daniel Siegel, Michael Puett, Dr. Jennifer Huggins

On the nature of triggers and how they are an indication of both what we care about and how we see the world. They are not to be scared of or ridiculed for they are part of our humanity. To stop being triggered is to stop caring about how people are treated and how the world looks. Full engagement with the world is being vulnerable and seeking ways to explore how we expand our actions within it. Referencing Martha Nussbaum’s “Upheavals of Thought.”

Valentine’s Day exploration of love through the lens of meaning and emotions at the core of our mental lives. We are not celebrating a particular form of love, but the human capacity to connect and build purposeful stories within our relational reality. We are here to love, to explore the many bridges within and between our shared humanity.

Discussing anger, exploring why we get angry and its connection to our Values. Covering an article from Psychology Today on strategies to work through anger and resentment, with a focus on acceptance, mindful appraisal and learning to escape from the narrow vision of our immediate judgments.

Covering “identity politics” and the “post-truth” world we’re supposedly living in, seen through the lens of understanding our need for creating manageable and coherent personal narratives. Encouragement offered through the words of Martin Luther King Jr.

Covering the last couple chapters of “The Four Agreements,” focusing on how to identify old and unhealthy agreements to replace them with new ones. Explore how to accept the whole of our lives, including the suffering, and learn to forgive by not being trapped by the stories and agreements that are limiting our vision of a more expansive and growth-oriented life.

Exploring the fourth agreement from Don Miguel Ruiz’s book “the 4 Agreements”: Always Do Your Best. Contemplation of what it means to live in the present, to mindfully reflect on the entirety of our existence being open for exploration so long as we’re not trapped in the past or future. With some help from Carl Sagan and star stuff, we can move forward into the new habit of knowing our best is always what are doing, without judgment.

Reading from “The Four Agreements” and exploring the third agreement of “Don’t Make Assumptions.” I discuss the nature of communication, how so often we think we’re listening we’re merely assuming we know everything we need to know and therefore limiting our understanding of the other person and of ourselves. The difficulty of digital communication is touched on, as well as how assumptions play havoc in our personal relationships and in society through politics.

Working through the second agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally, with commentary on our usage of identity to select and justify our behaviors and the struggle of confronting other perspectives about who we might be and whether what we do is the best version of ourselves.

The nature of agreements and the desire to create new ones to live more authentic lives. Exploration of the first agreement in Don Miguel Ruiz’s book “The Four Agreements”: be impeccable with your word. How our word can limit or expand our lives within the relationally reciprocal world in which we live and build meaning. 

In this episode I introduce the show and it’s theme, exploring relational living. A reading from the book “The 4 Agreements” is followed by personal reflection on open inquiry and exploring relationships of value, ending with a short mindfulness exercise of focusing on the breath.