Loving the F

It's all about women in this episode of LTF. Our host Melissa Allison gets real about being a woman and the importance of connection with other women.

This is part two of Girls Trip with my sister Rebecca Oliver.

Let me introduce my Irish twin, Rebecca Oliver. She's done everything she wanted to in life starting off with the dance team in high school, being crowned the Homecoming Queen in college and competing in beauty pageants which led her to the Miss California Beauty Pageant.  Rebecca built a successful career in the beauty industry as a hair colorist and stylist in a top salon in Orange County. She's the mother of six children and has been married for 37 years to the love of her life. This four-day girl trip  is special because we realized that, despite being so close in age - we've never gone on a trip that didn't involve our parents, siblings, spouses and/or our children. So buckle up - Rebecca and Melissa come up with some new "F" words on this long overdue adventure. 

Actress Gabrielle Stone is a Californian born to actors Dee Wallace and Christopher Stone. You may have seen her in "Speak No Evil" or "It Happened Again Last Night." But her latest release is her memoir, "Eat, Pray, #FML," which written during a time which she says was worse than finding out her husband of two years was in the midst of a sex-month affair with a 19-year-old.Stone doesn't disappoint in this conversation as she shares not only her wisdom and wit, but is completely vulnerable where others might not.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________1:53 For me, I found the most nurturing and fulfilling relationships come when you're unfiltered and authentic. And I think that translated into my writing. I remember when my mom read my first draft, which was like the vomit draft of the book. She said, “Oh, God, Gabrielle, are you sure you don't want to, you know, change your name? Or maybe take out one of the people that you slept with? Like, tone it down a little bit?” And I was like, “No, you know, if I'm gonna put this piece of my life out into the world, it needs to be raw and in your face and how it happened and not tone down." Because I think that's what people will resonate with. And I think that it's proven to be 4:53 So, the thought onion is my kind of technique that allows you to look at your thoughts and your reactions that you're having, and really break them down, to understand where they're coming from, and what hurt place inside of you needs to be looked at in order to have different thoughts or different reactions in the future. So you look at it like an onion. And the first level is the superficial thought. And that's kind of the first initial knee jerk reaction that you have when something happens in your life, though, you know, before the words can even like be processed, they're escaping your mouth and you're like, Oh, I wish I wouldn't have maybe reacted that way. And then you take a step back and underneath that is the authentic thought. And that's the layer where the emotion that caused that initial reactive thought is coming from like, what place in me is being ignited to cause that first reaction. And then you take a step back from that and underneath that is the subconscious layer, which is where the real goal nuggets are. And that's usually a deep rooted subconscious belief or a trauma that happened to you when you were younger or something that really you've been holding on to for a very long time. And when you can get to that layer of it, that is really what's driving the reaction in the first place, then you can say, Okay, this is what I need to address and heal and work on if I'm going to make shifts with myself in the future.8:31 I am a firm believer that your trauma is not an excuse to treat other people badly. It is your responsibility to go and heal that trauma before you bring others into your orbit in a in a big way. And it really for me was a big learning lesson that I'm not the person that supposed to take care of someone in that way. You know, it wasn't my responsibility to protect to take care of him. And while I showed him an immense amount of compassion, I think, where I faltered, was not taking what was happening in his world at face value and waiting for something more to come of it.10:19 It's always been me and my mom, like if he had if she has someone come in if I have someone come in, it's like you're welcome and welcome to the family. But also it's don't mess with our bond. And I think a lot of it had to do with going through that grief together, even though I was so young, you know, she had to keep going for me. And she's been the one constant in my life. She's always been the, the person who didn't abandon me that I didn't ever have to question was going to be there. And I've never had that before with any other person. You know, in my life, either. They had chosen to abandon me or they had died. And so it she's really more than my mom. She's my best friend as well. I mean, don't get me wrong, we still, you know, have our bickering moments and we're still mother daughter. Um, but yeah, especially now that I'm older and past my angsty teenagers. Were very much so each other's confidence.11:58 There's a big misconception of, “Oh, she's so strong”. You know, “Nothing can hurt her.” Everything can hurt her. It's just she's gonna get through it. You know, the divorce didn't kill me. Javier didn't kill me. All the things I've been through in my life, all the death. None of that broke me. But does that mean any of it was easy to get through? Absolutely not. Did I feel strong going through any of that stuff? No, there were times, especially with the Javier saga, as I call it, um, where I was felt so broken. And you know, it, it was probably one of the lowest points of my life when I came back from Europe because I was on this amazing trip. And, you know, not that all of it was fun and partying, there was a lot of obviously reflecting and healing and processing. But everything was moving. So, it was constantly like, I'm going here, and now we're flying here, and I'm meeting these people, and I was never still. And then I came home. And that all stopped. And I had to then realize that I was divorced, living at my mother's house, heartbroken. And be like, what, where do I go from here, you know, especially as an actress, when you're only working when you book a job, and you're working. So, it was like, I really felt like I had nothing and I sunk into one of the biggest depressions I've ever experienced. And that's actually where the self-love cocktail was born. Which is why I don't write about it any pre FML until the epilogue, because I really didn't realize it and have it fully click until I had to pull myself out of the dark pits of depression. 14:33 For me that whole trip I was like searching for how do you love yourself because every person was saying, Well, you can't love another person until you love yourself for loving yourself as the most important thing and I was sitting there going okay, guys, I'm ready to do that. Can anybody tell me how please, like, just give me instructions to follow and nobody could. So, I was searching for this mythical feeling that everybody constantly talks about. And when I came home, the way that it was born was that I was so depressed I was in my bed and I was in that type of depression where you just want to sit in it which is scary and Didn't want to get up didn't want to do anything want to do like eat and binge watch TV shows, which oddly sounds like my, like my quarantine. And, and so what I did was like, Okay, I'm gonna write a list of all the things that used to make me happy and used to make me feel better. And for me that was going to the gym and eating well and dancing, creating, writing. And I put that list on my mirror and was like, okay, as long as you give yourself two of these things you've earned getting back in bed and watching TV or doing whatever you want to do. So consistently, for a couple of weeks, I was doing that. And then I would add in another one and another one until I was doing three to four to five things a day that really made me feel better, and made my soul happy. And that really is as simple as it is. That's loving yourself. Because when we're in relationships, any relationship dynamic, a significant other a mother, daughter, brother, sister, when we want that person to feel love, we give them and show them things that make them experience love. So when we want to give love to ourself and experience self-love, why would we not do the same thing?16:49 I don't think that you can't fix yourself and have a healthy relationship while you're working on self-love. I don't think it's one or the other, I don't think you have to break up with your current partner to go figure out how to love yourself, and then you can have a healthy relationship. I think it's a mixture of everything. And I think everybody's different. I know for myself personally, that I need to be consistently filling my own cup up and making sure I am happy and not letting that be dependent on another person. So, I but you know, I the person that I'm with now in my relationship, there were times we were together when I was still figuring out how to love myself there were times where I was not doing great. And it's you know, it's just about the people coming together to the table both willing to work and the other person recognizing like, okay, “She needs to go on this type of journey right now or she needs to you know, still be doing some work and vice versa.” I think it's a constant thing there's you know, I can talk about self-love and how I'm healed and everything's so peachy and great and it is but like in a week I'll be like oh my god I can't do it anymore guys. And so, it's it's constant it ebbs and flows. That's life. You know, 19:01 So many times and not always in relationships, even with goals that people set, they'll be like, “Oh, you know, I'll, I'll go after this dream I have but after I do a B and C.” Or, “Oh, you know, I'll eventually complete this task but maybe I should really do this, this in this first.” And in the timings never right. You're never ready. Um, my current relationship came into my life at the worst possible time and was wrapped all frickin wrong for me. And I fought it every step of the way. So it really is a matter of just… I'm a big proponent of saying, “yes.” And you know, after my divorce was probably the biggest time where I should have put a wall up and protected my heart. And instead, weeks later, I fell blind fully in into the arms of Javier. And if I would have cautioned myself and said, “No,” or “Let's take it slow,” or “I'm not booking my trip to Europe,” where the hell would I be right now? I mean, I can't even imagine. So I'm always a big advocate of just saying, “Yes.” Obviously, don't ignore the blatant red flags that are flying in front of your face. But you know, say yes, jump if the universe is putting it in front of you. Even if you get your heart broken, it's gonna lead you somewhere where you need to be.20:35 Yeah, that trip absolutely changed my life. The reflecting that I did, on that trip changed my life, the experiences that I had the people that I met it, it really, if you look at my life as a blueprint, you can see how every single decision and step and bad thing that happened led me to being right here. And I would take that path over and over again to get here.21:39 I'm a walking example of everything happens for a reason. I mean, normally, or sometimes you can't see it until you're on the other side, looking back at it. But even when I found out I was going on this trip by myself as heartbroken as I was, I still was like, oh, okay, well, my biggest fear since I was a little girl is fear of abandonment. And this is the universe's way of making me go face that shit head on.22:46 I've always pushed through somehow, or walked through the fear. And I think that's when really big change happens, and really big rewards happen. But I do believe as silly as this may sound, I do believe that my big life purpose, at least thus far at you know, 32 was to go on this journey and find all this out and write this book to help other people heal. And it's, it's definitely been worth it every step of the way.23:42 I'm always going to tell you to book a flight and go solo travel, and not go with friends. Solo travel, there's something about it that forces you out of your comfort zone and forces you to really look at who you are and what you want, in a really beautiful way. So I think everybody should do it at least once in their lifetime. But I think that's in part for me why I started FML talk, which is my podcast, because there's so many questions that I get from my readers about, well, you know, this happened to me, how do I heal if I can't, you know, go across to Europe. And so I do different episodes on like Grief and Healing and cheating and divorce and forgiveness and all the things and, you know, it's really healing is not linear, and it's it's a very personal journey. So I can tell you specific formulas and things that have worked for me, but they might not work for other people. It's really about at the core, I think is deciding what you want to heal from and what you want to change and really committing to figuring out how to do that. That's where it all starts.25:47 I think it would have been really easy for most people to sit there and vilify an ex. For me, that's not what this book has ever been about. Even with my ex-husband, I mean, I didn't, at first I wasn't going to write the chapters, about the half finding out about the affair and the divorce, I was just going to kind of preface it with like, “I got cheated on and divorced. And here's the real story,” because that's really not what it's about. Um, and my girlfriend's were like, “No, Gabrielle, you have to go back and write that that was like an episode of CSI how you found out.” Um, so I did. But even in writing those my intent was never to vilify him. I mean, they were just facts. And actually, I left out some of the things that I had found, because it was just adding to him looking bad. And that wasn't my goal, either. My goal was to tell the experience of what I went through, and be truthful about it. And as far as Javier, I wrote that book on my trip, so I started at the day, I landed in London, and I wrote three fourths of it on my Europe trip. And even finishing it, when I came back, I was still very much in love with him. So, I was writing it from a place of love, and, you know, still being like, “this is what he did to me, and it sucks, and I'm heartbroken.” But I was never going to vilify him because I was still so in love with him at the time when I wrote it. And I think even with the second book, people will see that there's times where I still will protect him and things that happen. And there's times where I will call, call the bullshit. And I definitely being on this side of it now, two years after the fact. It, it really, I see a lot more clearly because I don't have those love goggles on anymore. But I wouldn't have done it any different way. You know, I wouldn't have wanted to write, “Eat, Pray, #FML” in a place coming from spite because it's at the end of the day, the two men in that book serves a huge purpose in my life, whether or not that was a positive or negative or it hurt me. Base served a huge purpose in my life. And for that I will forever be grateful. And there now characters in my story. 30:24 Well, I think when she first read the first draft, it was kind of like shock for her. You know, it's not every day that you're reading about your daughter's sexcapades. So I understand that, um, but she read the sec, for the second time she read it when it was fully, you know, done and published, where I had made some changes and worked on it with my editor. Not that a ton of it changed. But there was some parts that that shifted, and so she had had some time to process it then. And I will never forget, she called me when she was done. And she was in tears. And she said, “Gabrielle,” you know, she's obviously besides an actress, she's a world healer, and does healing work with clients all over the world every day. And she said, “I had just had a private the other day with my client. And they were saying, ‘I get that I have to love myself, you keep saying that. But like, I don't know how to do that.'” And my mom said, “and I couldn't get through to her in a simplified way of what she needed to do. And then I turned to the last page, and there it was in my daughter's book.” And I think ultimately now she's just very proud. Because she's seen firsthand how many lives it's touching people its affected.31:14 It's fairly new, I guess fairly new. We started about six months ago, I was kind of forced into doing it. People have asked me to do it since the book came out. And I think I had been a guest on so many that I was like, What am I going to talk about, everybody has a podcast, like I don't know. And then quarantine happened. And my one of my good friends was like, “Look, I'll produce it for you. Let's just do it.” 33:41 It's dependent on the situation and the person. But first and foremost, you have to feel it, you have to allow yourself to grieve it, you have to cry, you have to recognize and validate all of the feelings that you're experiencing. And then no matter how long that takes, you have to eventually decide that it is not going to define you, and you have to decide that you're going to move forward. And when you can make that decision, and utilize tools like the self-love cocktail and be like, “Okay, I'm really sad. This really sucks. But I am going to get better and move forward. So I'm going to give myself two things that make me happy every day,” and really commit to doing that it's an act of practice and when we're in that devastating pit of just sadness, that's the best thing that can start to pull you out is giving yourself things that your soul loves, that makes you happy and makes you feel good. That doesn't involve anybody else. It's a personal thing. You know, the stuff on your self-love cocktail list can't be like, things that are received from other people like, oh, it really like makes me happy when my boyfriend does this, or when my friends give me this, it has to be things that you can give yourself that you don't need any outside influences to do. And be patient with yourself. You know, like, it's not always going to be a quick fix, which is the hardest thing for me to wrap my head around. Because if there's ever a problem in my life, I'm like, “let's fix it, what's the answer?” Um, so to be patient with yourself, and you know, know that it's, it's a journey, and you're gonna learn something from it. And for me, what has always kept me going in dark times is knowing that everything happens for a reason. It's always happening for a reason, even if you can't see it now, and knowing that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and that light is more beautiful than you can imagine.37:49 It, it was insane. I mean, my friends would call me and say, “What's going on this week in the Netflix episode that has become your life?” And so, this second book has a lot of characters reappear, where and it's always so funny to call them characters because they're real people. Javier is is in the second book. And we meet new characters, one of which is the, my, my relationship that I am in now, which people will see all over my social media. It's not not a spoiler, but um, what it took for us to get to where we are is his book worthy. And a couple of the fun characters that I met on my Europe trip do, do pop up everybody, you know, the first question they always have is, “Do you still talk to Javier? And did Chris come to LA?” So all of those questions get answered. And it's, it's kind of, it's been harder to write this second one than the first one. I feel like the first one kind of just channeled out of me, and I was writing it as it was happening. And the second one, I've had to go back over two years and dredge up things that I'm not necessarily proud of that I know, it's going to hurt some people to read, not super comfortable situations to look back on. And it's been a challenge, and I am ready to, to birth this second one out to the world. And then kind of close that that chapter. For what whatever that's worth and move on to the next phase.41:49 I used to feel like I had to dim my light and minimize, whether it was projects I was doing or my story, and I feel now that I can go all the way and it's kind of limitless. And I feel a lot more stable in sharing my truth and being big – you know? Not having to feel like I have to tiptoe around and make sure everyone feels comfortable with my energy. I can just allow myself to expand and be comfortable in that.

Loving the F and Melissa are back with a new logo and website. In this episode Melissa fills you in on upcoming guests, books, her own evolution and how she continues to redefine the forbidden in her life. You don't want to miss it.

Emily Herr & Moonie Day are back from Episodes 4 and 6 where we talked about art. Both ladies provide an update about where they are artistically, where they're headed and how they're moving through this worldwide pandemic.

Crones Hollow Owner TaMara talks about witchcraft, energetics and how to take control of your own life during unprecedented times. She also clears up some myths about what it is and isn't.FBSometimes ritual is simply a prayer. It’s reaching out to something bigger than you to assist you.We set things into motion and we do that by changing the vibration of either ourselves or the things around us to steer us into a certain direction.One of the most powerful things you can do is to say the words out loud.Occult is just something that tries to control you. Witchcraft doesn’t do that. They want to empower you, not disempower you.The people that are afraid of them are the very people that come to the class. They want to know more.Certain Christina sects has made witchcraft a terrible thing when it isn’t. All witchcraft is, is empowering yourself and using all tools available to you to become a better person in the way you want to become. Not in the way your church wants you to become.Our culture is so broken when it comes to death that we can’t even say it. Not only can we not say the word – we can’t view the body. We’re afraid to touch the body. That final gift of washing and caring for someone we love is taken away from us because we have to b e afraid of the dead when really – the person we loved has simply taken a different form.When we reach out to spirits we’re not looking for ghosts to come wiggle around in a Halloween atmosphere – what we want to do is reach out and restore a relationship with someone we love, our ancestors, our family that has passed on.I’m a seer. When we work wth the dead, I open myself up entirely. So, does that open me up to possession – maybe. But what is that possession? For me its somebody’s grandma that just needs my mouth to say the words because their granddaughter is sitting in the room.Journaling is the easiest work you can do for yourself. When you learn a little bit, then you have questions come up and that’s are where the magic happens.Answers close doors, questions open them, so keep asking questions.Everyone has the ability, but to what degree are you open?Once I really started trusting my gut was when the magic really started kicking in.In order for us to be truly open to learning, we have to think like a child…if you need help getting out of the way you’’ve always thought, go read “Green Eggs and Ham,” cause its going to change the way you think and opens your mind.If you believe you can do it, then you open the door for it happening.There are unethical readers out there.If you have a demon, I can’t make it go away – you can make it go away.Go and experience grace, and then step back and experience humanity. And then go back and experience grace again, and then step back and experience humanity…as you move back and forth – you will have what is called the hedge witch – one foot in one side and one foot on the other. You’re experiencing both.

In this conversation Mindset Coach, Speaker and self-proclaimed Escape Artist Angela Durant shares her escape from a J-O-B which no longer fulfilled her to discovering her own brilliance. It's not a secret the creator of the "Be Brilliant Movement" found her bliss helping others to discover their own.Free WebinarFree Brand Clarity CallEverybody has some special gift. Some of us, it takes us longer to discover it, but it's in everybody. (20:27)Light should never be hidden. (21:20)We're made for this moment. (24:56)There is more out there for us and what I've learned is, we can create it. We are powerful enough to design what we want...maybe it might look different than we imagine it to be but we can create what we want.(25:16)What I've found is oftentimes when they come to me, they haven't given themselves permission to embrace what is possible. (25:43)I think oftentimes people don't realize what they have is  really greatness. Because, it comes so naturally to them, its like breathing. (26:00)If you could only see yourself the way I can see you, you'd think a whole lot differently. You'd take more chances, you'd be more courageous. (26:57)Sometimes we need other people who can see for us what we can't see for ourselves. (26:47)I've been telling myself that story for a long time and I accepted it as fact, I never saw it as a story. (33:15)If we know that one thing is possible, then universal law says the opposite is also possible.(34:23)It's also possible that there is something even greater, even better awaiting you. So why are you holding onto a job that doesn't serve you any more? Why are you staying in a relationship that doesn't serve you or support you anymore because you're afraid, when your dream guy is out there waiting for you? (35:55)If "this" is possible, that could happen, there's' also something greater that can happen and that's where the focus should go and that helps pull you forward.  (36:40)You can create your own boardroom. I say, "Why be stressed in an environment like that when you can just push away and say 'okay. If my words, if my voice isn't valued here,  once I know who I am, once I know what I have to offer...you can walk away without friction. You can walk away and create something else.'" (52:04)Those millions of dollars you helped someone else build in their firms, you can start doing that for yourself. (52:37)There's an abundance out there for all of us, but  sometimes from our perspective we can't even see it. Sometimes from our perspective we put ourselves out there with people or things when we don't even belong there. (55:49)Once you make the decision that that's what I want...once they understand that and make a decision, all the other things come. A lot of times people think, "Well I have to have the money first or I can't get that. No, you make the decision first. (1:00:14)If you could create it without friction, what would it look like? Lets focus on that and figure out a roadmap to that. (1:01:39)

Christina Putch and I have been friends for about 20 years. In this episode we talk about our friendship, motherhood and the need to escape.Christina and I are joined by her daughter Ashley who has four children. We talk about the realities of motherhood as we sip wine, tell stories and laugh until our cheeks and stomachs ache.

As always,  Shamanic Twist Founder Dannielle Bryan is engaging, provocative and funny. In this conversation there is a lot of laughter sandwiched between layers of information about the ego. Dannielle suggests the ego may have a purpose, so don't be too quick about trying to incise it from your beingness.The thing about the shadow is not stuff we don't want to own. It's disowned parts of our self. Its the part not fully in the light. (01:19)There are parts of ourselves that we have disowned. There are elements that we'd rather not admit exist but there are also elements of ourselves that we think we don't have and we do... that too exists within us and if we don't see it within ourselves, its held in shadow.  (01:57)Everything in our life experience is divinely orchestrated. There are gifts in all of it and when we can see the gift, and fully integrate it, from there we can let go of the pattern that no longer serves.(03:20)What I've come to be known to be true for myself about the ego...it is nuts. .That part of that mad mind, that nonstop voice that goes on in the back of our beingness, a lot of that is the ego. And what is the ego? It's part of our personality that  we identify with but it is not who we are. (04:37)If this is an aspect of myself, what's in there? (06:34)I love what Michael Singer said in his book , The Untethered Soul, "It's not loyal." (07:43)If we're only seeing the parts of the ego that don't serve, or that we judge to not serve, and that exists too, there are those parts...if we really look at what's happening in there, its information for us. (10:41)Sometimes the journey of our evolution feels counterintuitive and it feels like an oxymoron...the medicine was that I actually had to identify with it. I had to believe I could do it. (12:44)When we're willing to look at what's driving the behavior and what's underneath it, then there's a place where the ego, that part of our personality, can actually can become in service to the essence of who we really are, living from that higher state of our consciousness. It actually can be in service.  (14:26)The ego part of ourselves is in some kind of relationship with our individual personality and who we are. And if we're to look at that as being bad and wrong and just drop it and "kill the ego," what are we really doing? (15:23)It's to look at all the parts of ourselves and say, "Yes, that too exists in me." (18:47)That experience lives in all of us. To recognize that on one level offers forgiveness and compassion and it also helps us to recognize that we are made up of all kinds of possibilities. (19:59)Is there a part of ourselves that we can recognize that we're perfect just as we are? (24:06)We all want to start at the place that says, "We're perfect just as we are." But that's just a saying until we actually get to the place where we know it and believe it. So it is cliche' until its not. (24:59)What if we just fucking stop that insanity and start with where we are and say, "Can I love and accept myself, right here, right now, exactly how I am?"  And then the next line of thought or questioning can be, "If something is no longer working for you, what is in there that needs to be honored and recognized and integrated  so that we can stop doing the behavior that doesn't work and we can choose into something else?" But to get in this place of, "I've got to fix all this stuff and get perfect," that is a never-ending, lifelong, exhaustive marathon.(25:37)If I ask you to step into the energetics and I ask you to not think, but to feel and tell me what is the gift  of this," its a different level of engagement. (29:58)And we look at where do we get on the triangle with ourselves? Where do we get on the triangle with ourselves? And that tends to be the insanity of the mad mind. Of that voice in our mind that is always telling us something about what we are not doing or should be doing. And that is your own personal bully. (35:27)When we can own the gifts, it becomes one of our greatest strengths and one of our greatest resources. (50:32)If you're unwilling to look at all those pieces about your stuff, its still in play. (51;38)If anyone says, "Oh, I've done my shadow work," BEWARE. As if its all done. As if one quick gander into the land of shadow ends it all there. Lets be willing to grow, to accept, to be introspective, to say, "What's in there? What's going on?..." (52:27)So much richness comes from that place and so much of our ability to stand in our power and to be co-creators of our life and create more of what we want comes from that place and willingness to go to those places we say we'd rather not. (54:10)

I met Taylor Proctor at a podcast conference and was immediately taken with her, her mission, vision and downright effervescence. It didn't take long for me to know I had to have her on Loving the f.In this conversation Taylor is honest about her own path from being a self-proclaimed angry person. She used to say, "Hell hath no anger like Taylor minorly inconvenienced."Now on the other side, she shares how others can do the same through mentoring and her daily podcast, Happiness Abound.I was a very angry person and very much in a victim mindset, an entitlement mindset for a good couple of years of my life... and anger was my template. (01:18)I started to feel broken, because I could see other people were happy and I thought that it was inherent. I thought, like, you're just supposed to naturally be happy. And when I wasn't, I felt like I was wrong, I was broken. And every time I would try to be happy, it was very fleeting.  (03:18)I started to go day-by-day, and try to change my mindset. It actually started with driving of all things...I started to try and have grace for other people. (04:36)Any time there's a crappy situation, if I say, "I'm here to learn and grow," I'm not a victim, right? I'm here, I'm learning and I'm growing and I can handle this better next time. (06:01)Don't confuse guilt with gratitude. (11:17)The game changer that I teach is called the CLEAR model: (12:42)How do you build confidence? You build it by doing the work every single day and for some people, that's really hard.(26:54)The biggest misconception is that people think they should be inherently happy. (29:59)Seeing what triggers you is a great way for you to have an in-depth look. (33:10)If that person is trying to hold you back, and this is a gut check for everyone, if that person is trying to hold you back, do they really love you enough to want the best for you? (41:45)You are your own best friend. You need to be in a loving, caring relationship with yourself. Which is hard when you feel like you're broken or you keep telling yourself you're not good enough, you're not worthy, etc... You're biggest priority should be yourself. (43:32)   

I've literally known Tracey Ferrin since she was a baby - easy since she's my niece. I can tell you she does what she does because from day one she's been a spitfire. The youngest daughter of four, she was running the show well before starting kindergarten. As a woman, she's exercised those skills which have helped her navigate her life and that of her family's. In this conversation she breaks down the lessons she has learned since being a pregnant, single mom facing a rare form of cancer at the ripe young age of 18. As she tells it, life didn't stop there.Going all in, that has changed everything. (06:11)I love it because you don't realize all the little things that lead you up to where you're at. (09:39)Wait a minute - I'm purpose. So, whatever I choose to do, I'll bring purpose to it.  (13:05)Cancer was just my ultimate struggle. I have been through some other stuff that other people aren't aware of because of who I am today. But it's because of those things that I've been through, that I am who I am today. (15:11)There are three types of struggles: (16:01)You're not meant to struggle alone, so who are you leaning on to help you get through it? (17:35)We do have to prime ourselves. The way I feel like we can prime ourselves is we have to push ego and pride aside. (18:53)Use what you went through to help others get through. (20:14)Struggle + reflection = lesson (20:52)Struggles can equal happiness, if we choose. But again, it is a choice for us to choose. (21:32)I visualize myself in a dark tunnel...if I just keep moving, eventually, the light will come through. (24:20)I  heard someone once say, "Excuses are pretty little lies that temporarily make us feel better. (26:43)

You might be asking, "What is a 'Supawesome Life?'" Amber Raleigh will tell you its living the life meant only for you. Her goal is to simply help you navigate your way there.  In this conversation Amber is delightful, funny and sincere as she shares the many lessons and insights she's learned on her way to living her very own Supawesome Life.We so want to help life fulfill our purpose. The reality is life is going to do that no matter what. (06:05)It (life) lets us sit in some really uncomfortable spaces, some really deep pain. That's what life knows we need to get out of our way to run our next race.You're never late for your life. (06:39)Never compare yourself with other peoples path, because that's their path. (12:09)Everything I do today is right and nothing is wrong. Because, if you're  really truly trusting your path and you're in this amazing, beautiful romance with life, then you can't do anything wrong.  (13:05)No ego shaming...(22:14)The very nature of an empath - if you're asking yourself if you're being egotistical, then you are not being egotistical. (24:18)If you're being triggered, I'm here to help you through it. We all get triggered, we're not immune to that. (25:38)Tips & Resources (26:47)The number one factor to helping people live in a healthier state is connectedness. (39:11)I just made a choice, in who I am, to let my love come out. (50:51)It's always about trusting your own path and being okay with discovering that. It may take your whole life but, you will discover it. Every day you discover more about yourself if you're willing to listen. (54:05)

I met Elizabeth Strusz at the Powerful-U Conference in Salt Lake City, UT November 2018. She is first a wife and mother, then an entrepreneur, speaker, stylist and teacher. Listen in to hear how we met, the impact it had on me and  her no-holds barred, truth-telling approach to life and how to live it in real time.We wind up having a feeling, then we create a belief system and now we have a perception and now we've created a reality. (07:50)I've struggled my whole with being enough and I think that's the general downfall of humanity right now, is we have everybody walking around thinking they're not enough. I don't actually know what we're supposed to be enough for.   (08:19)People worry about being enough because, they don't talk to the right people, they don't create the right boundaries, frankly. (12:05)We all have a place in each other's life. And if we can just respect whatever that is, we wouldn't be let down as much. (12:28)If I have a string attached, I tell you at the beginning of the conversation. How do we give the rest of the world the permission to live on that level because, I think there is so much freedom and happiness from living like that. (13:27)I think, people who haven't hit rock bottom, are missing out. (19:14)Spoiler alert - we all end up in the same place. I'm not interested in racing anybody right now. Right now I want to cheer on as many people as I can. Right now I want to enjoy life. (22:22)Being able to learn how to be selfish so that you can be selfless, because so often the people I watch who become selfish  are the people who don't know how to have boundaries. they're the people who don't know how to put themselves first . So they actually wind up exploding into this "selfish realm" that nobody understands because  they never spoke up. (22:53)Somebody in my path, somewhere, needs t hear this story. I think that's where we really get to change the world is understanding that we live through in reality, can be used to serve somebody else but we have to let them open that door first.  (29:06)Everybody's "rock bottom" is different. (29:35)I don't know if people need to have "rock bottom." But, they have to hit something hard enough that they're willing to change their viewpoint and that is not something anybody can do for anyone else. (29:52)If more people could look at the  one good part of their life, lose themselves in that, then its easier to come out on the other side. (34:49)If we can unglamorize what it means to change your perception within yourself and unglamorize what it means to have a turning point in your life if its not rock bottom and understand that the people you think that woke up overnight like this - GIRL - she did not wake up like that. And whether she got it from her momma doesn't matter either because, we have to make some sort of separation so we can be ourselves.  (36:05)I hope that by living in my  authenticity of who I am I give permission to others. I hope it is not just what I say, I hope it is what I do that allows people to understand that it really is okay.  (36:44)

I discovered Amy Bammel Wilding through her audiobook, "Wild & Wise." The meditations, her voice, her message and the call of the divine feminine were and are too powerful to be put off.In this conversation Amy is bold, fearless and outspoken as she shares her ideas, beliefs and mission. Within her words there is also healing, empowerment and love for both women and men. I've always felt like I was a channel for this medicine. It doesn't come specifically from me, it comes through me. (04:15)Patriarchy is going to have to be disrupted and dismantled from the inside out. (08:21)This is probably the primary point of contact between women and patriarchy, is our bodies. And we are very systematically disconnected from our power because of the shame associated with menstruation...there's such a lack of power in girls and women and by extension, boys and men. (09:44)In every circle that I sit in with women, what I hear a hunger to be able to talk about things related to our female experience. (10:45)Patriarchy isn't about men, its a social structure that rewards particular things ie domination and hyper-masculinity is one of these things that is considered the ultimate expression of manhood. So you have to be really strong and really dominant and cut off your emotions so, this is incredibly damaging to boys and men because, what it says to them is you're only acceptable if you're exhibiting  power or dominance over something else.  (11:47)We all have sensitivity, we all have kindness, we all have affection we all have needs for closeness and intimacy and those things are really amputated in boys and men.    (13:12)Women internalize and pass on patriarchy as much as men. (14:28)Watching a woman go through the rebirth process and reclaiming her power and the goddess archetype within her and her sovereignty  - it is one of the most powerful things I've ever seen...I midwife these rebirths and it truly is a magnificent honor. (19:07)Archetypes allow us to connect to an idea of what we're feeling inside. (19:50)I would like to see, in our culture, that we don't have to go through a reclaiming process because, we get to claim it from the beginning. (20:21)The fear of judgement shapes so much of what we do as women and that as we get to this midlife point and peri-menopause -  I think that is what is so profound about that time is we get to the point of, "I really don't care what people think, I really don't care what you think or what culture thinks. I know what is mine to reclaim" and that is the really powerful catalyst that happens for women, I think. (21:38)What they say is, "I feel like I'm a girl again. I feel like I'm in my preteen years where I know what I really want and I'm not afraid to say it. (22:55)It's heartbreaking to hear the things fathers do and say to their daughters... But the way we change that narrative for our girls is by modeling acceptance of what they're going through but also modeling for them that we're holding that safe space for theem. (25:00)I used to say, "When women heal the world heals," and that's definitely true. But now I'm like, "Oh god, the men have to heal. They've got to heal or nothing can ever change. (30:32)What I see is that, in this particular moment in culture, there's such immense pressure on women to maintain the role as the primary caregiver in their families but also be out in the world working and doing whatever job earning money... But there is no system of support to help women get through that. So I see a lot of mothers going through emotional burnout and having mental breakdowns.  (32:32)Mothers are drowning right now and there is not a lifeline. The only lifeline really is, "Can you afford psychiatric care? Can you afford a councilor? Do you have access? Do you have time in your schedule to go to therapy?" That is the reality and its not accessible to most women, unfortunately. (34:00)Women are spending a lot of money to receive the type of support which comes inherently with community. Which is, someone else to have eyes on your kids for an hour a day or someone to help you make food...we are not meant to be doing this alone but we are. (34:27)What you compromise is a sense of worthiness. Why are we signing up for this? (43:01)It's really harmful, in our culture, the way women are treated by the medical establishment which is that, we're typically not listened to, not believed. Most people don't understand what is related to peri-menopause and menopause, not to mention a lot of other things women deal with. (54:36)If we allow women to return to focusing on that (right of passage), it can really create a meaningful journey for them. (57:21)Jane Shinoda Bolen 

In this episode, I've just left my son to live with his older brother and I'm headed to see my mother for the first time in six years - possibly for the last time. All before heading back to Utah to deal with the aftermath of losing my home.

Episode 66 is short and sweet as I share the simplicity and impact of having a plan.

Jessica Crate

In this episode, the shit hits the fan and I'm forced to make some big decisions.

In this episode, I talk about how we're in control of our individual experiences in this thing called life.

Christine Sara Diana Torres Women are so beautiful at every single stage and I truly believe that. Whether you’re pregnant, you’ve just had a baby or you’re 65 – there is something in you that is beautiful and as a photographer I love being able to pull that out of them and being able to show that to them in pictures. CS I want to enhance what you already are and for some reason, are not seeing on a day-to-day basis. DT I needed pictures for branding, but I told Christine, “I want to lose 10 to 15 pounds first.” I finally just went in and did it. When I saw those pictures, I was overwhelmed, and I thought, “This is exactly the woman I wanted to be when I was a little girl.” And I’m not 10 pounds lighter! DT My favorite parts of my work is connecting with women but I didn’t realize how this work would impact me. CS We’re not alone in this. We all have struggles, stories, good and bad – we’re a community. CS We’re coming together as a community of women and we’re lifting each other up and empowering each other. CS Its not just about the makeup, its not just about the hair. It’s the story of every individual woman that I come into contact with. DT One client who was still nursing her six-month-old baby came in for a boudoir shoot and she stood in front of the camera and embraced her stretch marks. She said “These are my tiger stripes” – she was so powerful, stunning and beautiful. DT Whether you decide to get a boob lift and butt implants – just accept yourself. CS Part of my homework in preparing for a shoot is to figure out who you are, what you want, what you like, what do you love because I want my customers to walk out thinking, “That’s the best picture I’ve ever seen of myself.” CS Accepting myself where I’m at, with what I’m going through and who I am right now and no one can tell me I’m wrong. It’s a lifelong journey. CS I am finally realizing what being a woman is in all its aspects and I’m so excited that I’ve finally started this journey. DT Understanding how to use your sexuality correctly is crucial because in my 20’s, I devalued myself searching for love in all the wrong places. I realized my sexuality is more enhanced when I love my self and use it responsibly. CS

In this episode, I share the consequences of my choices and the pain of coming face to face with them.

In this episode, I talk about incoming and outgoing acts of kindness.

Deanna Lee Being an empath is hard until you learn to manage it. In my opinion, all things start and end with love - or at least, they should. If we were to stop and put our needs in front of our husbands and our children, “Wow – what a horrible human being you are – how dare you?” It’s an old school mentality which has been going on for decades. It’s time to break through that and a lot of us already are. For all the women out there running a business, a family, a relationship, friendships etc…When you’re putting everyone in front of yourself, you’re going to run out – you’re just going to bet depleted… and that’s not fair to anyone. Energetically, self-love looks bright and shiny and clean and it’s all over your field – allowing you to show up. Sometimes we get so caught up in our lives we forget what it is we need to be the best version of ourselves. So many of us live our life not being present. So, come back to now – come back to being present. Put down the technology for a little while – do some heart connecting with each other. For a lot of us being in our body isn’t safe. There have been things that have happened to us, so we live life not being grounded, not being in our body It’s all of that constant running, running, running and shallow chest breathing and not being present and in your body that contributes to a lot of anxiety. Some of us are so easy to forgive other people but we forget to forgive ourselves for making the decisions that landed us there. When I’m more balanced with loving myself, those hard lessons don’t hit as much. Pay attention to those thoughts of, “I don’t have time, I don’t have money, I don’t have…” Whatever “I don’t have none of” you’re putting it out there already. So, pay attention and turn it around. I had to go into a forgiveness space around Jesus - recreate what that was to me and not let anyone tell me what my relationship needed to look like. Only I get to do that. We always jump to, “OMG - It has to be this huge thing” What if it didn’t? What if it could be simple? How is your suffering helping anybody? All the people I know who are suffering, are miserable and we don’t want to teach our children to suffer – we want to empower them. Your kids need you to love yourself. Your lover needs you to love yourself. Your friends need you to love yourself. All of us are so much better when we find that worthiness. Your experience is valid but guess what – you can change it now. You don’t have to relive that old story anymore and I’m going to encourage you not to. I’m going to encourage you to recreate a whole new chapter like, lets start today. Let’s write a new page – you don’t have to be the person without a voice anymore. We don’t need to do it alone. We were never intended to do it alone. Heck – if you go to biblical principles – Adam had Eve - they needed each other. It wasn’t just for shits and giggles – they needed each other. Find your tribe – the people you resonate with. You can pray all day – it’s a beautiful thing. I love prayers and mantras – but put your ass in gear. If you’re praying for a change instead of being the change – you’re going to be waiting a long time.

In this episode, I talk about not being able to get out of bed due to being overwhelmed by my goal and what I'm taking on.

Dorothy McPhie You can contact Dorothy at delixir9@gmail.com Scottie Waves

Dr. Deb Kirby If someone is really dominant – they’ll push and push and try to get what they can. If you’re a personality who would fall in line – they rely on that. But if you push back, they respect that, especially when they don’t expect it. If you’re always trying to get from people – you’re not receiving. And I think, when it’s more collaborative it respects both people in the relationship…When we can come as our full selves – it shines brightly on both people. The role dominants play is they’re the big picture people. They can see years past what most people are able to. A dominant personality can range from that narcissistic, aggressive personality to assertive. And assertive is usually appropriate. Even with a dominant personality the benefit of you being on that equal plane is the sparring that can happen that leads to greater thinking. You’re not sparring with each other – you’re sparring with the idea.so you can manifest better ideas. I think its important that we all figure out for us what our own powerful stance is. I don’t mean aggressive, I mean who we really are and working with others to help them bring who they are to the table so we’re just people. We’re not pretending to be things we’re not because that’s the source of great confusion, frustration and misunderstanding because there’s this filtering going on when…the more you can be at ease the more There’s so much technology involved (in hiring) which is good, but then you have the consequences…We’re not able to understand each other, we don’t relate - I think it’s sad that we’re losing some of our humanity I think. Movements like “Me Too” are very important and critical for people to be able to acknowledge what happened in their lives and to help them feel empowered…Ten-thousand or more years ago women were the ruling class. I use “rule” loosely because women are very inclusive, collaboratively, diversely. In matriarchal rule there is no evidence of mass wars like there are with patriarchal. It was more about consensus making – women didn’t weaponize people. As women are remembering their legacy, empowering themselves and while it appears on the news that war is increasing, the statistical evidence is that it has greatly decreased since the 1950’s. Real feminist characteristics – for me – are natural diversity, inclusion, collaboration and participation and all of those things. I believe we’re going to make a greater impact from a real place of self that honors everybody. I really want to encourage people; to thrive and flourish – not stopping at the place they acknowledge they’ve been a victim. It’s important – but don’t stop there. Keep going and become the fullest version of yourself, whatever that might be. We’ve all suffered on many levels many different things. How resilient are you to use it and move on? But to stay stuck is to allow the other person to win and not respect fully everything else you have and you’re potential. Imagine what we could spark if there wasn’t this whole filter of tension and stuff going on. But if we were purely working together, men and women, to accomplish things, what could happen? I think it would be amazing. Out of fear sometimes, other people will try to diminish you because they just don’t know what to do with you. I would blow the whole relationship up until it was smoldering ash and then say, “Okay, now lets get on with things.” Because then we were formidable competitors now moving toward collaborators and that was my ideal place to be. There is so much compatibility in our differences and our sameness and that’s way more interesting - there’s way more texture there. Lets go back and reclaim our legacy of more imaginative, more intuitive, all of the goodness that is characteristic of the feminine spirit.

In this episode, I share my doubts and fears about my forbidden journey of reinvention.

This Tuesday episode is about the unexpected gifts of being vulnerable.

Kelley Wolf The Power of Now It's the illusion that you have control over the external. It’s the illusion that the history or the future is somehow impacting anything you have control over – you don’t. If someone asked me the top three things that have changed my life or that I believe are present in the work – its meditation, prayer and setting intentions…People say that’s being repeated everywhere and I think, “Amen, amen, amen.” I call it the roast chicken phenomenon. Put lemon, thyme, salt and pepper on the inside – cover the outside with butter and cook it at 425 degrees for about an hour and 15 minutes – its going to give you the perfect roast chicken…it’s the foundation of all the great chefs. Meditation, prayer and intention setting – that’s your roast chicken, don’t mess with it. The more of us coming to the table, to tell our stories, is the universe I want to live in. That’s the utopian complex at work – if it could even be possible, and I believe it is – that’s what it’s going to take to get there. If you tap into the present moment – your suffering ends. Its only when we story-play in the past or the present, the story starts to percolate. We’re so attached to our suffering and our story that we have a lot of resistance to wanting that to be, it almost seems to simple. Could you trust that magic that came from a devastating moment or event is now embedded fully in who you are in this moment? So it doesn’t even need to be said. Historical relevance lives within us, of course. But it doesn’t have to be brought into how you’re going to decide to do everything, every day. If you stay on the rumble strip, you bounce around, might pop a tire or get back on course. I believe deeply we can hit a rumble strip and get right back on to our flow – finding love over worry. Life is this beautiful dynamic thing – I like the “stuff.” I want to have the challenges, I want the moments that remind me who I am and what I’m made of. The whole thing isn’t supposed to be easy breezy, lemon squeezy the whole time. But when I hit the rumble strip, I also don’t want to stay there for an inordinate amount of time, its not healthy for me or anyone else. So hopefully what I do is take all things I’ve learned and practices I have to pop off that rumble strip to get back into flow again. And it really is finding love over worry – the rumble strip is the worry and the road is the love. Suffering happens in a moment. The thoughts and the conversations are what continue it. I used to call it “role calling.” Like if I was having a moment I was calling all kinds of people and then I’m doing one of two things. I’m either spewing what’s going on with me or begging for insight. But stillness, most of the time, holds some kind of awareness or feelings. Sometimes it just a wave of feelings where that deep crying comes in. And if you could cry everyday – it would be amazing – healing. The most powerful, sexiest, smart, lovable men that I’ve met are the ones who have done the work. Who have done the spiritual work. There’s nothing more delicious in any human at all, than tapping into that place where there can be vulnerability but there can also be masculinity and being an alpha…There is nothing more attractive or enticing and men need to hear that too. I’m not a goal-based coach – the goal is now. Elkhart Tolle is often asked, “If I agree or live in the life of the power of now, then what happens to my ambition? What happens to my hopes, dreams, etc?” Yet – when committed to that practice, things continue to happen. Life continues to move forward but it doesn’t have a vice grip on it. And I think pat of being in the vertical, being in the now, is that you are more entrenched into your calling as to who you really are because it isn’t this exterior force, it isn’t some place to be, it isn’t some destination to get to. When I’m in the present, I can define clearly, so much better what I want. When you commit to the practice – stuff happens. I do believe we’re at a crossroads. I do believe we are evolving as a species and that what that evolution looks like is a more spiritually aligned being that lives more in the present moment. One thing I am committed to and I hope people take in – breathe. When it feels overwhelming when those four or five big life events feel like they’re happening all at once – they’re not though it feels that way – and if we take those grounding breaths just say, “Help me with my next step - what is my next step because that’s all I can do right then.”

Loving the F

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Mermaids of the Great Salt Lake I was told that I wasn’t any good at dancing because I was short…I would dance by myself in solitude. I decided to find out what would happen to me if I decided to dance. It (dance) was something I immediately found an attachment to and a love for and a respect for - there was a sisterhood there. Dancing for me, and I think others in general, is a very powerful thing…it’s a human right that we have to dance and we should, we absolutely should. I was in India with a colleague at night and some boys were showing us their drumming skills. We couldn’t help but dance and the people looked at us like we had five heads. Its fascinating when you say, “dance” what that image is – the word that brings up in people’s minds. I wanted to be out there, I wanted to move, to feel that freedom and not necessarily have someone there with me. To find that confidence, that freedom – there was no reason I couldn’t do that. Do I think I’ve made it to the absolute top? No, certainly not, but I don’t need to. I’m having a good time where I’m at. When my body is moving well, it is beautiful, even if I’m not perfect in technique. I feel that is something that makes me confident, it makes me beautiful and it makes me a stronger person in general. I think the number one thing women find who are taking pole dancing – is finding their body. You’re moving your body in new ways that to you might seem strange. And then one day you get it and you have this grace, and you have this beauty that comes with the confidence of movement. The thing I love about it is its kind of opposing to everything I was told growing up. I’m moving, I’m shaking all these things – essentially fat, loose skin and all of those things you’re told to keep under wrap with girdles and control hose. Those things are what you put out there and it’s the experience of femininity and womanhood. It was liberating to be told to shake your fat. To embrace all our curves and to find the beauty of that. – Melissa Allison If you’re doing it right, you’re going to find yourself in that journey. With men, confidence is sexy. In women, its almost taught out of us to not show off anything about our bodies. What we have to do is find that spark again, that place inside us, nurture it and let it grow. There may be that voice that says you shouldn’t be showing “that” to anyone. You cannot get old, you cannot gain weight and you cannot speak your truth and you cannot get mad cause all of those things are going to make people uncomfortable. Well, all those things are going to happen, there’s no way around that. We have to tell ourselves a different story that just because a representation of me, what I look like, is not what is shown in the mainstream media, that does not mean that I am not gorgeous, that does not mean that I am not sexy. What about those qualifiers “she looks good for her age.” How about, “She looks good?” That’s it. Here’s what’s very important, that you appreciate yourself. We say, “I look good for 40” or “I look good for 60.” No, you just look good. You can get up in the morning, look in the mirror or any time of day, and flirt with yourself in the mirror. You should love yourself, the body you have, cause it has taken you through everything that has come along. You don’t have to subscribe to anyone’s version of who you need to be. You know what you need to be and you just need to go out there and live it. When you’re young you have this privilege of your body working great but there are things that happen ahead of you…you’re hormones could shift, your chemistry could throw itself off, your metabolism could go completely out of whack, there are things within that privilege that you don’t understand. I had to stand up for myself, I had to stand up for my dance, I had to stand up for my sisters I had to stand up in so may small ways at first, ending up in bigger ways. I learned what I really wanted, who I really was and what beautiful really was. Its not what’s in the magazines and its not what’s on t.v. and its not what’s being shown to you all the time on everybody’s Facebook or on Instagram where everybody only shows their best pictures. It’s the real. It’s somebody’s truth that is shown through their body, through that experience, its life. It’s life that has been lived and every one of those bodies…it tells a story and that story is beautiful. I am not that person anymore. I have earned this maturity, I can walk away from things. Here are things I’ve developed and become confident in myself. Things I won’t tolerate that I used to. Things I’ve learned to say, “no” to and how to accept a compliment. There are things you have done and enjoyed, lessons you’ve not enjoyed that has made you this fantastic person. You have more to say, your body has more to say and that’s a story you should let your body tell and feel, “This is who I am today.” I can reinvent myself any day of the week and be something else – even a mermaid. Be the person today that you want to be. The number one misconception people have about dance is that you have to look a certain way. If you want to do it, just do it. Don’t put off your life. Anything you think is holding you back, you can make it your strength. This is what beautiful looks like and that is the most important thing, that you get out there and show them what beauty is because you found it. All I wanted to be was a good housewife because I didn’t know what other options were out there.

Scott Wilhite is an award-winning commercial filmmaker who is putting his own life under the microscope to test the promises, science and potential of what life has to offer with the simple shift of changing his thoughts, beliefs and attitude. You can see his findings, thoughts and outcomes in his series on YouTube and in this conversation on Loving the F, he is raw, unedited and vulnerable in sharing his journey from an angry man to one filled with faith. I was living this life that I thought would make me happy. It’s everything we’re told – "To follow the American dream you check the boxes. If you work hard you’ll be successful - if you’re successful you’ll be happy." And I’m doing that and it's not making me happy. I realized this can’t be all there is – this cant be who I am. I was fortunate enough to learn about positive psychology...I had no idea gratitude would make a difference in my life. Can I deliberately boost my gratitude levels and would it make any sort of difference?…It was so simple I didn’t do it at first…I started feeling these feelings of gratitude. I started to realize I had more power over my own emotions, over my own experiences and it started to change things for me. I’m finding that the biggest problem in my life, in anyone’s life is themselves. Its what they believe, it's their core belief and their story they tell about themselves that keep them stuck. My life was falling apart and I didn’t realize the wonderful blessings I had in my life, because I was so focused on everything I was missing, everything I was lacking and told myself, “I’ll be happy when…” What we believe makes a big difference in our lives. It's up to us to choose what we believe about the universe…there’s a lot more going on in the universe. I think there are intelligences that control the energies and frequencies and we can tap into those. I was in this job that was supposed to be my dream job, all these things going wrong in my life and one of the things that really started going wrong was my faith in God. One of the things I came to realize as I asked, “What if…what if nothing is there?” Then I looked at “What does that mean?” I found that I was much happier believing there was something and just to believe in the hope – that brought me more happiness and joy. I love journaling – it's this amazing tool that helps us to get clarity. Its turned into a real spiritual journey. I’ve learned a lot about myself and my relationship with God – it's really interesting.

Trisa McBride returns to Loving the F and talks about grief and the things we tell ourselves that stunt our progression. But that's not all folks, we cover a few different topics and as always - Trisa keeps it fresh and authentic. Dannielle Bryan Mel Robbins Sonia Ricotti Other people’s grief is terrifying when they lose someone. You never know what to say, even having gone through it myself (losing a child/loved one). I have friends who have lost children and its devastating. There are people I know who have never found a way to connect again. Once you know what your beliefs are, they are running your experience and just being able to do that in the arena of grief is, I believe, very powerful. You can change your life instantly by changing your perspective. And once you’ve challenge that and you look at that and you open up to a perspective that gives you something else you might want more – its just as valid as the perspective before – it just changes your outcomes. There are so many phases and levels of parenting and none of them come easy. – Melissa Allison Sharing stories about the person lost is a healthy way to process your grief. – Melissa Allison If I cry, that’s okay, cause I want to talk about him (her son). Its just a good feeling to feel connected

Thursday's mini-episode has evolved into a weekly report of my personal journey with "52." This week's adventure calls for MORE plume et papier.

In this Tuesday episode, I talk about an opportunity I had this past week to see the result of my inner work. Beau Lotto

Author, keynote speaker, consultant, entrepreneur and leader Maxine Attong returns to LTF . In this episode, she talks about leadership and how the oft times lonely path is evolving as connection becomes more important. Lead Your Team to Win I think in the last 20 years there’s been a reexamination of the individuals in terms of “who are we as individuals?” You know in small pockets there has been this increased amount of writers who talk about the soul without shame. Not about religion – but about living a life of intention, living a life of spirituality and the way we behave as people. There is a sort of movement within leadership where we’re realizing the world does not work in terms of “one and one does not equal to two.” Because the world is much more complex, because the world is much more connected – because we can feel the impacts of decisions made 800 miles from us almost immediately – I think those are things that are now shifting the idea that, we can determine predict what is going to happen within an organization, so therefore there begins to be room for leaders to see you don’t have to do it this way as well. I always felt conflicted as a young manager…who I was asked to be and who I am. And that conflict showed up in different ways in terms of my level of happiness, in terms of what I did to relieve stress – in terms of the quality of relationships that I enjoyed or did not enjoy with loved ones – my family. As I started to shed expectations and question what I had learned and question a lot of what I learned about leadership in particular, and a lot of these stories – a lot of these iconic – usually men, usually white men – that are written about. They really did bot represent me or my experiences. The first time I led I was in secondary school and I totally bombed. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know how to do it and I learned from not feeling good after an interaction – I learned watching someone not feeling good after an interaction with me… the reason I learned it was because I had the intention to be an effective leader. The truth is, wherever we go, we show up with all of whom we are. Ask yourself, what is my motive for wanting this person to shut up? And the motive could be, “I’m in charge and she shouldn’t speak” or “That point is not appropriate for this time.” Leadership is not really about you and you’re not so special because you’re a leader. Sometimes it’s the good fortune of being placed in the head of an organization or department. When we give of ourselves we are depleted, and how do we ensure that we’re topped out? [As leaders] To move forward, and to move forward with our sanity, to move forward with our integrity – it takes a lot of energy. When I was an accountant I was good at planning my life…and I did it. I realize now, I refuse to make a plan. I have a vision of what I want to do, my personal vision…therefore I’m operating from a space of, “This is my intention and I’m opening up to the magic of the universe, and I’m saying “yes” to whatever comes my way.” I think planning is great until you’re in your mid 30’s. Because we’re trying to control our narrative and build our narrative and that’s important. But as we grow older – continued planning like that shrinks our world…it blocks out all of the wonder, all of the awe and all of the surprises the world offers up.

Thursday's mini-episode has evolved into a weekly report of my personal journey with "52." This week's adventure calls for plume et papier.

In this Tuesday episode I talk about our emotions, our thoughts and how just because they show up - doesn't mean we have to embrace them.

I first learned about Calvin Wayman at the Powerful U Conference I attended in November in Salt Lake City and am so excited he agreed to have a conversation with me for Loving the F. His website describes him as, "A regular guy turned author, entrepreneur, and a Millionaire Case Study—where he’s documenting the first story from zero to millionaire 'as it’s happening!' In 2015, he was at a dead end. He found himself anxious, depressed, overweight, and in a mountain of debt. Feeling completely unfulfilled, he realized something had to change. He created a new vision for his life, and even with the responsibilities of a wife and a one-year-old, he suddenly quit his day job and decided to go after the life he envisioned. Since then, what he’s accomplished in such a short time has been nothing short of incredible. But it hasn’t been without heartache and pain. He’s known for not hiding the struggle we all go through as human beings, but sharing it openly—inspiring others that they are actually more capable than they can imagine." You don't want to miss it - so sit back and enjoy as Calvin shares his story, advice and why he wrote, "Fish Out of Water." "Being homeschooled it trained me to figure stuff out. So when I found myself $53K in debt with a baby on the way, I was like, 'Ok, I don't know how I'm going to figure this out but, I've been figuring stuff out my entire life so I'm going to make it happen." "Ten-year-olds seem to do a better job at success than adults do." To be successful you have to be a member of the CIA - Consistent Imperfect Action. Prosperity Loop = Prepare, Protect and Place "Money is meant to have a purpose. But money is also slippery. And when we don't give our money something to do, it slips through our fingers and finds a new owner." To protect your income - separate your income from your outflow. "Too many people, myself included, I was making really good decisions on bad information." "Pretend you had all the propserity now, what would you do? Start practicing it now." "Budgeting is like thinking you just need a good exercise plan and you'll lose weight. There's the follow through and the placing is actually just following through." "I want to finish making my one million dollars so I can get my beared shaved off or so I can have Ellen DeGeneres shave off my beard - my ultimate goal." "Success isn't what you obtain - its what you do in the moment." "I felt like I was a hostage - I wasn't making very much money and I did not like what I was doing. So I turned to the interent and was trying to find ways to change my mindset further and pick myself up. I found people like Brenden Buchard...Lewis Howes....Mel Robbins...Tom Bilyeu." "Its real. Like, this idea that you can manifest, create, visualize, bring about whatever you want to create . Give it enough time, give it effort - its real." "Go after it." "Designing your own life, being the author of your own destiny was forbidden. Unspoken, but forbidden. And the fact that I get to do that everyday - is just a dream."

Thursday's mini-episode has evolved into a weekly report of my personal journey with "52." If you like, you can join me

This Tuesday episode is all about how even good things can be a distraction from our goals.

Kirsten Fox is an entrepreneur, educator and radio show host of the Twisted Cork Radio show. Much like a bold red, Kirsten doesn't balk at the forbidden. She has learned its better to savor its many "flavors" and shares how she does just that in this episode of Loving the F. Uplift Gift The Fox School of Wine Culinary Wine Institute If we all are more vulnerable with each other – everyone feels freer to be themselves. So, I really feel like being vulnerable is not only important to me as a person but then also those around me. It gives them permission to be vulnerable as well. When something starts to go south in my life…the thing I say to myself, my dog, my cat is… "I’m in the right place, at the right time, to learn the right thing." I take a step back and I go, "I don’t need to know why something is happening but I’m going to get some value out of it." If you’re not tasting [wine], then you’re not getting that bigger picture of, “I had no idea a wine could invoke a memory of my grandmother’s blueberry patch.” It is your opportunity, you’re being given an opportunity for growth. It is a challenge, like Camelot, everything you think is a heroic challenge. If you don’t meet the challenge – you tamp down your own growth and you stay where you are. Sometimes status quo is enough to expect. If you can take that challenge up, seize into it and turn toward it versus run away from it, it is that amazing place of finding resources maybe you didn’t know that you had. Finding depth that you didn’t know that you had and growing your life in a way you just hadn’t foreseen. It’s taken me a long time to understand that perhaps stepping back and helping the other person see from a more objective perspective is more helpful than getting on that person’s side and saying, “I’m gonna pick up a sword with you.” -"How am I supposed to contribute to society and the world?" And if you’re playing small you don’t have that opportunity really to ever expose people to your brilliance, your unique signature that makes everyone in the world different, after you’ve existed. You have to step out of your comfort zone to do that. By not rewarding myself, I was holding myself back from that swirling energy of feeling great.

Thursday's mini-episode has evolved into a weekly report of my personal journey with "52." I think the gods are going easy on me because I know there are a lot tougher adventures in that treasure box. I guess I'll enjoy the "easy" while I still can.

In this episode, I share a book that changed my life, The Artist Way by Julia Cameron. The Artist Way Run, Fatboy, Run

This weeks conversation is with Neuroscientist, Author and International Speaker Beau Lotto. His work on human perception has built bridges far beyond his lab of experiments. It has inspired collaborations in the worlds of the arts, education and business. In this conversation, we talk about how perception and awe, can and do impact the stories we tell ourselves. What's more, Beau shares how we can change those stories to heal the past and empower our present and future. Lab of Misfits Powerful U Deviate Cirque du Soleil Its only in not knowing that you have the possibility of doing something new. Almost everything begins with perception. Not just the colors we see, but who we fall in love with and the clothes we wear. When it comes to change, its probably one of the hardest challenges is changing our perceptions first. Perception comes before behavior. Having said that, behavior itself shapes perception so, their integrally related. Our brain evolved to take what is uncertain and make it certain because, if you didn’t, you died during evolution because dying is easy. There are lots of ways of dying, but very few ways to survive. The chance during the evolution of increasing the possibility of dying or something bad happen to you was quite high when you’re in a state of uncertainty…which is possibly why when we’re in uncertainty there are emotions attached with it like anxiety and fear – because it was a bad idea. The irony is that’s the only place you can go if you’re going to start doing something different. Very few things begin, that are interesting, with knowing. They begin with not knowing…I want to celebrate questions. Anger is in a sense a perceptual response to fear because what happens in your brain is you become incredibly certain. You sometimes become morally judgmental, you stop listening. You could argue that’s it’s a great response when you’re in fight or flight. If a lion is coming at you, you don’t really want to have doubt. You want to get out of the way as fast as possible. The problem is we live as if everything is a lion or everything is a bus coming after us. But it’s not always. So doubt by itself isn’t necessarily the motivator - its doubt with something else. Its doubt within a context and that context is courage. Having the courage to step forward despite not knowing what’s going to happen. Enter the conflict with a question. Enter a conflict with the possibility of learning rather than being right. Sometimes it feels like you have two options – you can be right, or you can learn and sometimes the two are mutually exclusive – but not always. I want to support the idea that you do it with the fear. That fear is a catalyst – not as something to ignore or something to pretend that doesn’t exist. Rather, its how you respond to the thing that gives it its meaning. So, if you’re someone who is 80 years old and still willing to move (be mentally flexible) despite all the evidence and experience that bad things happen -I think that’s where true courage lives. That’s where we could be looking to find examples of courage. You can create an environment, you can create an ecology that creates the possibility of stepping into uncertainty. But its even that, you have to have something in you that wants to change. And that can come from many different sources. Sometimes it comes from an incredibly powerfully negative source. Having fallen into complete disaster in a sense and there's literally, almost literally nowhere else for you to go and the only place you can go is to recognize the consequence of your own actions that have taken you there and only in that is there a possibility of doing something differently. Choose your delusion. In order to change, you first have to become aware. Being aware can, ironically, be very scary for people. One of the ways we construct our perceptions is that everything we see and do and believe is grounded in our biases and our assumptions. It’s a reflexive response. Biases and assumptions keep you alive…but they can also constrain you... Its only in knowing that, do you have the possibility of actually changing those biases and assumptions. The problem is, we often don’t know what they are. If that bias is one that defines you, now you have to doubt what is true about you. When your brain experiences awe, you feel small but connected to the world. Whereas depression is to feel small but disconnected from the world. [Awe] Not only do you feel small but fundamentally connected - you also want to then step forward. You’re surprised, you’re experiencing something that doesn’t make sense. You have this desire to understand but to understand you’re going to have to shift your reference frame. [With awe] you’re more willing to be in uncertainty. You actually want to step forward into uncertainty. We’re often in conflict where we actually find excitement and that’s what we call learning. When we engage in a situation that is different from what we expect, and then we learn something from it, we shift from where we are, we feel that elation, we feel that expansion. But for some reason there are some situations where we don’t want to, we don’t want to move…what makes those different? To doubt my story, to even know that I’m telling myself a story, much less a story that I could actually have agency in, often we’re just blind to. How do we then change that? One route is to change the meaning of what’s happened to you, not what happened to you. What your brain is encoding is not simply that [the event] its encoding the meaning of that event. Not just the event itself. And it’s the meaning of the event that shapes your behavior – the cost and the benefit of that event. It’s the way you respond to something that gives that something meaning. Until you become aware of the fact that its a reflex, only then do you have the possibility to do something different. [Reframing past experiences] That then changes the history, almost literally the history of your past experience of the world and will alter the way you behave in the future. Not all perceptions are the same. Not all perceptions are equally valid – some are more useful than others…they might even be hurtful toward another person.

This week's Thursday episode kicks off a year of inviting the 'forbidden."

In this mini-episode, I share a book that is all about change and a little bit of wisdom on how to be gentle as you move through your own. "The First 30 Days"

Shaman Dannielle Bryan is back and talks about how you can support your New Year's resolutions and goals but she doesn't leave it there. She invites you to do some excavating and explore the quality of the experience you're seeking versus your "to do" list. Also, if you'd like the instructions Dannielle mentions to have your own ceremony - just reach out to me at our FB page and send me a message with your email and we'll get it right out to you. What happens if we look at the quality that we want to experience in life? It’s a quiet time on the earth, it’s a turning-in time for us seasonally and I would offer up the invitation for us to do the same thing - to turn inside and look at the quality that I am desiring to experience more of. As we start to think about and feel the qualities that we want to experience we, we begin to cultivate it. We live in sacred time, we live in a circular time. Linear time is a tool, it’s great to employ… but what happens is there’s a strange thing where we feel stuck by time. We begin to feel there’s only so much of it and sends us into the land of lack and scarcity and that begins a spin that plays on our psyches and play on ourselves, even on a soul level. As much as we all want things to change, our ego really wants things to stay the same. There’s a fear that, “If I change too much, it will rock my external world.” We really want to be the change…we want to, need to, make the change that is important for us and through that example it will ripple into the system. The tricky part is we don’t know what the outcome will be. Will our kids, family, friends, etc. resist it? We don’t know but the question is, “Are we not going to answer our souls call because of the fear of what it means on the external?” But that’s a deeper excavation. When we shift internally and embody the desire we want to cultivate, it changes our frequency and that’s what people bump up against. We all have the ability to cultivate that place where we can recognize when it’s happening. The earth doesn’t resist the snow coming and the leaves falling off the trees. She doesn’t go into a “holy shit” panic mode and desperately try to ward off the snow and keep the leaves on the tree. She just goes, “Oh, it’s the season of change.”

Paris Larsen is a yoga teacher which encourages her students to surrender into "the pose" and into life. In this conversation, we talk about how breath is the secret to doing both.