Lady Bitch Time

It's not even the baby that causes the stress, anxiety, loneliness, and absolute rage that comes with parenthood. It's all this minute other crap that just doesn't make any fucking sense.    Like strangers approaching and touching your child. Family using your kid like a game of "who can calm the baby while ignoring everything his mom says"? or the lack of patience you suddenly have...

For 15 years, I have had to defend video games any time someone goes out of there way to make a public spectacle declaring they're the reason for some violent act.  And while yes, they can be used as a tool for influence, someone doing something horrendous is just that: SOMEONE DID IT. Not a video game.    And please note; while i did complain about lack of parental supervision, parents are not the only group of individuals who are capable of teaching, supervising, and inspiring. Food for thought. 

A year ago, some poster (let's call her Margret) went on a VERY hostile rant about her experience at Disney World and decided to share her conclusion that Childless Couples should be banned. Or was that Childless Women? Or was it because there were long lines?  Or was it because she took a 3 year old, made him wait in 3 hour lines and didn't have a solid plan to maybe give him a couple naps during the busy day? Yeah...I bet it was more that. Listen as Amanda dissects the rant and bitches back to Margret. 

Parents will tell you that you have to clean the baseboards in your room, can't sit on the arm of the chair, oil the table after every use, set the table...WHY DO YOU SET THE TABLE? Does anyone actually do this as an adult? Or have we also realized they are useless chores...so why do them?

Stumbled across a story from 2 years ago that enraged me. Kid jumps fence into yard with 3 dogs he's never met. Kid gets attacked by 3 dogs. Dogs are the ones who get punished.  If that summary isn't enough to spark a little anger, then just sit back and fucking tune in. With comment from @gretchenmoney.

Listen, whether or not you're a fan of the original or the reboot doesn't really matter. Everyone is now at jeopardy of their favorite show getting a "reboot" that somewhat butchers the original. And guess what, that's angering. It's even more angering when the reboot has potential but the writers and the actors/actresses decide to phone this bitch in.  SO I'M GOING TO BITCH. Deal with it. 

Ever hear about some extended friends breaking up and found out it was over the stupidest thing? Ever wanted to bitch about how dumb it was to throw it all away for something so small and seemingly fixable? Yeah, me too. 

Today is a hard day, and because I don't get the chance or ever feel i'm allowed to really talk about this, i'm taking a moment to talk to my husband on the day he died.  It gets real. Sorry for the lack of comedy.

Sunshine McBitchFace reaches out in request to bitch about those who quit one way of getting fucked up for another, but brag about how sober they are still.  Amanda just bitches about how getting fucked up as the only way to have a good time is fucking stupid.

Joe sent an email bitching about the bullshit that Tasty will add to their recipe in the videos.  "Like, here's a great chicken Parmesan recipe, and everything is going well and then all of a sudden they go rogue and add zucchini or lentils or some shit". Oh Joe, you've got your topic BITCHED about. (ok...not the best catchphrase..)

In less than 24 hours 2 major and hot topic items were SPOILED for Amanda, so in a hot white rage she takes to the mic and continues to bitch about spoilers and how you fuckers didn't listen last time. Just because you're in a public space does that mean you deserve to have a film ruined the weekend it comes out? No...nooooooooooooooooooo

Despite whether or not it's been bitched about before, with the newest and highly anticipated final season of Game of Thrones finally being released Amanda felt it was the right opportunity to remind everyone to not be a dick.  Seriously. Don't be a dick.

50 ball busting, mind blowing, holy swear word tornado batman! episodes have been pumped out of little ole me.  Just who could have thought that there were 50 individual things to bitch about? The answer: me. And let me tell you there is plenty more where this came from.  I asked you guys to find 50 little things to bitch about and I got so worked up I think it's just a slur of different slurs rolled into one OH MY GOD.  Looking forward to 50 more episodes. 

Friend groups which used to be so close with summer being your time to shine somehow turned into a fond memory to look back on one day. You find yourself wondering fucking how and fucking why are things suddenly different and seemingly less fun?  What exactly has changed? Is it aging that makes friendships drift away at sea? Amanda bitches in hopes to find out. 

Guess who's back bitches? That's right, Momma's back and she's got a lot to fucking say about how much giving birth sucks and for the love of god why don't people listen to your plan? Amanda also blames Rob from Dudes with Brews for the torn vagina. The word vagina is used semi-frequently. Please listen with caution. 

Yet another week of maternity leave which means another guest to bitch in Amanda's place.  Derek from Rolling Misadventures steps up to the plate to bitch about toxic fandom when it comes to Nintendo vs Playstation vs Xbox or anything related to sports all while questioning just how Amanda does this for 20 minutes every week.  Kaven could tell him how hard it is for her to cut it down to just 20 minutes...

Amanda's still gone, probably because Rob from the previous episode jinxed her... Bitching still needs to be done so of course there can't get guest episodes without Brandon and Trey from Hashtag Questions. Influencers Beware! We kind of hate you.

Just because Amanda is away doesn't mean there isn't bitching to be had.  Drew and Rob from Dudes with Brews on a Porch step in to bitch about those friends from the past that pop up with unsolicited crap.  And some stuff about torn vaginas...

Since this kid is taking his dear sweet time coming out, being late and all, baby names are on the brain for everyone (because we refuse to tell anyone what it is).  And that got me thinking about the real reason you shouldn't name baby after one of the parents. If not the real reason...at least one to consider. 

During the shutdown there were a large amount of people not getting paid, and all politics aside (because I really don't fucking care about your opinion, just as you don't care about mine), the suggestion of "just don't live paycheck to paycheck" in regards to struggling employees triggered something in me...most foul.   

If you've never lived in the colder states of the midwest then it might be hard for you to understand how we deal with the snow and cold temps. The answer is easily because hell it's not that bad. However, when BARS IN WISCONSIN voluntarily close for the day because of -50 degree temps, that's when you know it's a real State of Emergency.  So with that knowledge, why the fuck are so many employers forcing their employees to go to work during not one but two state of emergency weather situations?  Let's bitch shall we?

On many support groups online or even statuses that come up on timelines here or there where someone is vulnerable, a good portion of the comments all say the same thing to someone who tried reaching out for the first time: "Seek Professional Help". Well why not just slap them in the face and call them a nancy while you're at it, Brenda? Because here's why that bullshit doesn't work. 

Food Poisoning = "Severe Dehydration" = Amanda experiencing being hospitalized for the first time and needing to rant or vent about the process...in an unconventional way. Think of this as more of a ramble.

Upon hearing that an acquaintance, who is a nurse, went to a patients house ill, Amanda lost her shit.  This may be one of the strangest, far-fetched, just fucking pissed rants of the year....as it's the first one.

Can't be the only one who has noticed that as the years tick by that christmas magic that once existed as a child is slowly and surely disappearing. Suddenly you're noticing you agree with the Grinch more than you do others who in a jolly manner say "Happy Holidays" to you.  So what the fuck happened?

Amanda guested once again on Hashtag Questions with Brandon and Trey to send off the finale of their season 2.  For those of you who haven't heard the episode, you should. But if you don't have the time, here's Amanda's contribution! Bitching about Millennials and working with some good ole fashioned Depression.

Mini rant to soothe your soul about the shit people that Customer Service employees have to deal with a on day to day basis.   

Black. Fucking. Friday.  Buckle up kids. We're going on a swear word ride. 

No matter what kind of store or setting you may find yourself in where a group of people need to traffic one way or the other through an establishment, for some reason every single one of them forget the rules of the road apply to aisle etiquette too.    In other terms, move the fuck over Janet! Stop hogging the aisle!

In this fast pace, getting to the point episode (because Amanda doesn't have a lot of time this week), Amanda points out three things that ruin aspects of Trick or Treating for everyone.  People are taking a day about food, candy, and fun tricks and smashing it all around like a pumpkin on your front doorstep. 

In the middle of your shower of your 24th year of life an epiphany, like a bolt of shining light from above, hits you:  You hate taking showers because of the movie you saw when you were 8 years old. Oh great...and now you're afraid again. Amanda dives in to movies that oddly affected her adulthood and the adulthood of many others. You're not alone.  Want to bitch? Email: itsladybtime@gmail.com

Temperatures are dropping and that means it's soon to be cold and flu season. But yet, some of you don't understand the basic concept of not spreading your nasty, undesirable germs to others.  THE RANT: Coughing openly in public THE REASON: Some motherfucker coughed on my goddamn face. *Takes a Breath* Alright, let's go back to kindergarten everyone.

Hurricane Florence ripped through the Eastern part of the US as of recently, and while living where hurricanes can hit you almost every year can sure put a damper on your lifestyle, it shouldn't be any surprise when the storms warn you weeks in advance. So why the fuck is ANYONE chaining and leaving their pets behind to fend for themselves?  This triggers the deeper reason for the rant: People who treat pets like property and accessories and not as family. Fuck those guys.

Over the weekend, one of Amanda's friend's boyfriends (soon to be ex after that BS) "done fucked up" and it sparked the ever blazing fire of pure hate in her heart for people who don't answer their fucking phone.  Seriously, it's glued to your hip at all times and you just texted. So why aren't you answering the phone? 

As the casual fan here and there you always come across that EXTREME fan that has to know the most and be the loudest to be the best fan that team has ever had. But their methods to be that BEST FAN EVER are fucking intolerable and not to mention violent. 

Face it, if you aren't short you at least have some short friends. While being pint size may be cute in some aspects of life, when it comes to events (especially the ones you've paid for) you're unable to see a goddamn thing when Stretchy McStretch Ass steps right in front of you.  Not to mention being looked down on...literally.

Last week, I asked all female gamers if they've ever been interrogated about whether or not they play games, or when they say they do it's a million weird questions and apparently "how impressive it is" that you do what millions of other people do:  Push Buttons.  Let's push some damn buttons right now, bitches. 

After the long awaited season return of Lady Bitch Time, a moment must be taken to bitch about pregnancy. Sure only maybe 50% of the worlds population might be able to relate...but making humans isn't all sunshine and rainbows like some people may want you to believe.  Making humans ruins the best true love in anyone's entire life: Food.  I swear...this won't become a consistent topic for bitching. But it has to be done now!

Either you've been at that age or you're at it right now where friends and facebook friend strangers are now having babies. Becoming new parents is meant to bring change but does everyone's vocabulary HAVE to be the same? Seriously? Do they just hand out a pamphlet and tell you this is your life now? Stick to the script? For fucks sake...

Trolling isn't that bad sometimes when you troll about dumb things to make others mad. But if you're going out of your way to tell people you're MURDERING dogs "looking for good homes" because of their breed JUST FOR A TROLL....then we have a fucking problem.

This may sound tricky. In fact, it may just sound insane. But the Sim's Assumption works! And by works I mean is a fun game to play with a friend or two you may talk shit about other people with.  In a seriousness, this is a truth of life. Everyone lives by this assumption. Everyone is a true SIM. Get ready to learn about the Sim's Assumption. 

Everyone's gone through this. Watching your favorite shows and movies growing up and thinking prom is going to be magical. Your high school reunion will be this huge thing that you anticipate for the next ten years of your life... That is until it's actually planned and it turns out the best thing about it is the giant turd left in the fountain offending the family nearby.

Ever get the "Why aren't you married yet?" questions at dinner? "When are you going to have kids?" "Why can't you be like your younger brother?" "You need to go to church." Well if you have and you're sick of the pressures the family put on you to be a person you're not or force you into traditions you don't care for; then strap on your ear buds and take a listen to this.

It's your birthday! But your phone has been silent all day. What gives? How about you check out the o'l social media?  Wow. All those birthday posts on your wall. But certainly your mom will give you a phone call? Even a text? Oh...nope. She posted on your wall too.  Anyone else fucking tired of the lack of human interaction with each other?

Victim Card. Why can't some people just simply say "My Bad?" Why must there be an excuse for everything.  Trey, from Hashtag Questiosn Podcast, brings Amanda this epic topic to bitch about as it turns into bitching about the goddamn Jessica's of the world and how shitty people can really be. With a side of wtf happened to the length of shorts?    

When you get stuck babysitting your nephews who have now reached an age where they don't really want to hang around adults anymore...wtf do you do? Throw them on your podcast and see what happens. This is either somewhat interesting or a massive disaster. Who knows?

The fine ladies at These Drunk Bitches Podcast asked Amanda to bitch about the importance of friendship, the importance of how friends somehow choose to listen to celebrities over their friends causing an existential crisis for the non-celeb friend as well as wondering just exactly how to say "existential".  Siri guest stars. So does Cat the Cat.

Your shower is leaking. Now you have to get a hold of your landlord and ask him to come over and fix it. Once he gets there...what do you do? Stare over his shoulder? Ask questions? Watch Tv? Make them lemonade? Leave? Or do what Amanda does....sit in awkward silence.  Amanda had to drag Kaven in as her "expert" to figure out this awful situation. 

If Amanda's life were a movie, during this time of year she is dedicated to using all her efforts and resources to destroying the one thing that took someone she truly loved away from her: Cystic Fibrosis. It's time for a movie montage!

Not only can buying pants be difficult in what could still be considered a winter month, (By the way still haven't received those pants for those of you keeping score at home) But the same can be said for any kind of seasonal tool you may need. For example: your shovel breaks during a blizzard and good luck finding one buddy. BECAUSE KNOW ONE KNOWS WHAT STATE THEY ACTUALLY LIVE IN ANYMORE!

It happens to everyone. Go pants shopping and ask an associate where the pants are. The associate says "you might want to try online, pants season is over". Leave the store and there's a blizzard outside.  STOP SWITCHING SEASONS WHEN THE SEASONS ARE OVER! JUST LET ME BUY PANTS DAMMIT!