Animorphing Time

This is it. The REAL last episode. Nate's got a new toy and punishes Tyler with it. The takes are hot. The discourse is here. No animal facts. We listen to your messages. Look, I'm not gonna belabor this any further. This is the end. Everything everywhere ends. 160+ hours. 47 guests. But it started with two dudes exploring old stories and their friendship. Genuinely and for real: thank you for listening, even the losers and the haters.

This is it. It all ends here. But what is an ending if not a beginning everlasting? Semisonic closing time.

Time to meet god. Toobin! Featuring @EmilyBard20 THE GREAT RED DRAGON IS HERE Never take drugs.

Stop whatever you're doing and watch RRR. Are you a Ram or a Bheem? Joining the Morphy Boys to talk about book 53 is Amanda (@GalacticUmami). All you ghost writers can kick rocks, because our main B in apartment 23 Kathy Apples is back in charge. Amanda gets in there hot with some wrestling facts. We assign some homework. Lots of homework. Tyler busts out a new impression. Nate has a libertarian checklist. People enjoy whatever you want, who cares? Visser 3 definitely has a macgruber book. What we want you to watch: RRR Everything Everywhere All At Once Nothing But Trouble Anaconda RoboCop Every episode of King of the Hill Goatse

Jon (@vernacularshift) joins the Morphy boys to discuss the necessary evil of book 52. Nate does not welcome Jon. Nate hates bearded men. Do you know rabbits scream? Scott Baculum. We also talk about what being a soldier does to your soul. To lighten it up, Tyler introduces a new game that's taking the nation by storm!

Marco, Tobias and Ax form the finesses crew as they go forth to kidnap a governor! Nate thinks that bats are just leathery birds, Tyler attempts a moment of silence for our dear sweet dead dog (RIP Nepal). Lil regals us with stories of unemployment, being bombed, and Duck Facts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We also explore the Dave Matthews Band Chicago River incident and the non-existent PlayStation game Tank Commando here on Animorphing Time. Follow Lil @Broad__Abroad

Travis (@WlkngCntradctn) and Sasha return to talk about the Cassie book where she recruits disabled kids. I'm not gonna get longwinded about this but we tie morbius to this book.

What kind of cop would you be? Is a pun a pun or is it wordplay? Yehuda (@M2Yehuda) comes in hot at being smarter than everyone (but especially Nate). Do you like Big Macs? We do. It causes some controversy. Nate hates McDonald's fries. We're getting literature professor serious with it. No one likes Tyler's idea about Rachel being a surrogate mother. Do you dig the Scoop Crew? If you pick something up at the store and set it down somewhere else, you're a BAD PERSON. Nate shows intelligent disobedience while inventing a new slur. Police dogs are included when we say “All Cops are Yeerks.”

Joining the Morphy Boys to talk about god knows what is Lilac (@anxiousounce). Rachel is a Freddy Krueger in this one! It's nightmare on nightmares on White House's on nightmare! What do you do when you have a nightmare? Nate likes nightmares. It's David vs Rachel, y'all. With Crayak too. Tyler is too old to watch children movies. We all share nightmares. This is tough. This was just a good book. More Tyler trauma. Etc

Who's ready to talk about race? Lauren (@laurenfraz) joins the Morphy Boys to talk about the most problematic and insensitive Animorphs book. Tyler got it ALL out. It's all out. Lauren teaches us about Water Ice. Nate posits that The Sunken Place is the most alluring part of Get Out. Hot Thomas Kincaid takes in this one. This book is icky. Racially. It's a shame too because this book starts with a strong voice from Jake, and we finally give that Jake some kudos. Lauren needs to see The Crow. Lauren doesn't need to watch Glory. This book is basically Glory. Lauren is Lincoln's Wildest Dream. Voyeuristic language about slave whipping? Ewwww. This is a horribly racist book and we try to tackle that. Either way, go out there and play Lauren's VR MMO Zenith.

Bare witness to us, the Morphy Boys, trying Oreos and nacho cheese live on air. Witnessing the horrors is one Felix (@felixforrester) and he is shown horrors beyond human comprehension. But really, Oreos and nacho cheese is quite delicious, if the nacho cheese is warm enough. Tyler shows his ignorance with Deep Space 9. What is Visser 2 all about anyways? Tyler is a Colonels Bequest defender. National guards only love winning fights, Joe rogan, and winning fights against Joe rogan. What makes a good troop? Remember, war is only bad when it happens to American troops. The book falls apart and becomes war propaganda trash. Oh well.

The Morphy Boys try fan made beer for the podcast. Jen Beaupre (@invisiblecake) joins them for some numetal madness. This episode is sick and twisted. We have ghostwriter facts. Sammy Sosa facts? Bring back Dance Dance Revolution, you cowards. What was your DDR song? Sometimes you need a lost spouse expert. Marco goes emotion mode. Would you save your dad? We wouldn't. Our dads suuuuuck. Did anyone really need Dan Carlin facts? RIP Marco. Check out Jen's work here: https://www.jenbeaupre.com/ Her Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/jenbeaupredesigns

From the heart of Criminal Island, Sezza (@the_sezza) joins the Morphy Boys to hop a roo “down under.” That's right, we're going to Australia. Crack open the Fosters and throw some shrimp on the Barbie. Please don't just stop drinking. You will die. This book is like a little bit of Vegemite on your toast. Don't let grandmas touch you. Sezza teaches us slang for fart. The Map of Tazzie. You really don't have to watch Crocodile Dundee. We all lament that the book doesn't get to Australia soon enough. We talk about how insensitive the book handles aboriginal folks. The book sucks but the episode is delightfully deranged. Sezza says he's a bad Australian because he doesn't do anything inherently Australian and then tells a story about almost driving into a kangaroo.

Twitters Wettest Boy Space Goat (@TheSpaceGoat2) joins the Morphy Boys to talk Tobias, being a child, having Covid, and parents divorce. Space Goat comes in hot with plagiarized model facts. We do a cute little bird hop into a dark torture book. Every Tobias book is a torture book. Tyler is going to be a good father to wee lad Space Goat and it's important to always fix your kids. Tyler pozzed Nate's neghole. Space Goat doesn't know who pozzed his neghole. Taylor wants Tobias to check out her website. Nate ate Berber. Never let your name become a verb. We need healthy brains to help us.

Joining the Morphy Boys and munching on Jake's favorite snack is Will (@mantross1)! Rachel has big Abe Vigoda energy on the cover. Tyler tells a story about how a patient gave him lice. Nate could solve that. Helmacrons solved the gender war. Which ninja turtle is which animorph? We talk about our Lost Episode. Honestly, I listened to this a few days ago and forgot to write out my copy then. I was deep in the middle of “having Covid for a second time.” This one made me laugh. Will is a sweetie pie. Oh yeah! Will ends the podcast by describing the way he “honored Nate.”

Anna (@crabandfrog) joins the Benedetta Boys for Verhoeven Chat!!! Jake is having a bad day. The violence is visceral. The future is frumpy. Perhaps a Matrix is afoot! Jake is at capacity and Anna hates to agree with that smooth brain. Time for another Tyler Trauma Session wooo *air horn.* Y'all ever lie to authority figures to make friends? We all love the futuristic design of the weird Animorphs dystopia. Anna keeps telling the Morphy Boys how young she is compared to these grizzled, veiny and muscular men. Tyler has new bidet confusion. Anna memorized the deleted scenes from Galaxy Quest. Christmas should be terrifying. If you have a lot of problems, you should just go to work. Sent from my iPhone

Tyler makes a birthday wish. Today the Morphy Boys are joined by another Nate (@SplintersmithNC) to talk about Megamorphs 4. There are too many Nate's in the episode so we call one Trash. The masculine urge to be a deals goblin. The boys try to wrap their minds around 90s liberal brain. Race talk in the 90s was Not Fresh. We get Tyler's Parenting Corner. Junior high boys suck and they're monster who don't grow up. The Animorphs are all out of sorts. Do you talk to yourself when you're alone? Nate teaches Tyler and Trash how weird the Boy Scouts were. Does KA Applegate smoke? Then Trash-Nate makes his stance on Oreos very clear. He reveals the ONLY way he likes Oreos and, shorms, it's deranged.

Tyler is under attack from some flower hating fools. Joining Nate to have a bad flower takes is Sasha! Sasha and the Morphy Boys are here to talk about Animorphs 40, the bee book, The Other. Were you watching sitcoms and things? Chandler does so much cocaine. Marco sees an andalite on tv! Tyler almost loses his Power Rangers cred. Ax invented a TiVo with CD-ROMS. Then we start talking about disability. Call me The Cat because I'm Eeeeeking over here. Also why are horses measured in hands? This book bravely asks if andalites were gay? Tyler badly clings to a strained bit. Ax gets high on andalite choom. Bee facts get wild. Are you ready to meet you new andalite uncles who are bachelors and talk about disability? Just listen already.

Oh hell. Here it is. This is the most deranged episode we've ever done. Joining the Morphy Boys is @bobdisgea to talk about… book 39. The Buffalo book. Nate tries to cultivate racial powers. Fathers and no sons. Tyler shows off. The Joker. Sentience is a curse. Buffahuman says ACAB. Protect your herd.

The farting has to work or this all falls apart. Making it all work with the Morphy Boys is returning champion: the renowned Animorphs creature artist, Char Reed (@CharReedArt)! Nate has some hot Dune takes. Frunk is an underutilized term. Ax is an important animorph because he knows science and how time works. Andalite are space nerds. What kind of nerd are you? We're not nerds. Char let's us know what words we can use to describe women. You should write fan fiction or go out and destroy stuff. Both are good. Ax is horny. Jake takes the Limitless pill. Divine Soup Can provides extra animal facts. Family, you should listen to Wesley Willis. Follow Char everywhere @CharReedArt Support her patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/CharReed

It's the Animorphing Time spoooopy/spooooky episode. Jumping in to join the Morphy Boys to talk about book 37 and cheetahs and weaknesses is the wonderful Tatsyl (@atxhellcat). We're drinking Pumpkin Spice. The Morphy boys share a secret: they love Boones Farm Fine Wines. We learn cheetahs invented covid-19 in Oregon. We did it. We blew it all up. Humans should still hunt with cheetahs. New Animorphs race drop! It's a Sonic Hedgehog! A middle manager Sanic is here to bungle Visser 3's day. Don't trust your managers. They're your enemy. We all take turns analyzing the warrior king and hubris rich brain of Rachel. Rachel is really into Oedipus for some reason. We discuss how Rachel is leaning towards some right wing violent fantasy type stuff because of her insecurities. We go off on judges and how they're bad. Then the Animorphs do a 9/11 to save Cassie. This one is wild.

It's the Animorphing Time morning zoo crew awooooga! Joining the Morphy boys is Malassa from @BigMissStakePod to talk about orcas and “Atlantis.” Oh baby. Nate comes in hot saying that this is his favorite Animorphs book. Watch out, baby, Atlantis is coming! Malassa comes in even hotter with her name pronunciations. Nate remembers too much of Water World. The Morphy boys deep dive (LOL) into some Oregon free Willy lore. Then they land their first sponsorship whaaaaat! That's right, this podcast is brought to you by NIKE! This book is off the rails. Just read it. How would you cut up a whale? More importantly, if your body was gonna be stuffed and preserved forever, where would you put it? Check out Malassa's Buffy the Vampire Slayer podcast called Big Miss Stake here on Apple podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/big-miss-stake-a-buffy-podcast/id1531905214 On Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3EUX0PMn40wTWxmJG3ljkc?si=lsKXDDBWTNqL9ZOZf8S3kw&dl_branch=1 And if you want to join the Animorphing Time discord: tweet the word scrompulent at us.

Animorphs artist extraordinaire Chris Grine (@chrisgrine) sits down with the Morphy Boys to discuss the second Animorphs graphic novel, The Visitor. We review Chris's book, Chris talks about his process, and then we all answer questions sent in from you—the deranged listeners. It's… uh… a wild one.

Nate cannot be cucked. Nate is uncuckable. Bug (@Pot8oToesies) joint the Morphy Boys. Won't you join our fourple?

Rum Radlers for all! Tyler makes an awful drink. The Morphy Boys are thrown off by Marco (@kaibacorp on Twitter and aztec_gainz on Instagram) being a good person with a noble calling. Thing may be getting better but not while Texas is around. Marco joins the Morphy Boys to talk about anxiety and book 35. Tyler tries to get Nate to do a fight club. It kind of works. We find some hidden David Mattingly treats on the inside cover of the book. Tyler gets trapped in a Duke Nukem hole. Nate proves again that he is a hater of love when Marcos dad gets cute with his new Math GF. Marco is having anxiety attacks that affect his morphing. It's funny looking. Marco in the book is a real jerk but real life Marco is a sweetie pie. Nate is terrified of birds. Tyler talks about his badass great grandma. Marco says never use a weapon when doing crimes. Marco teaches us about a weird cockatiel millionaire. Tyler tells Nate a secret about their friendship that changes things forever. Then the bros talk about healthy expressions of aggression. Cool shit. From Marco about donating to bail funds: “I personally trust Make the Road and the Brooklyn Bail Fund but have no professional or personal ties to them. Adding the Liberty Fund and Freedom for Immigrants for more bail and immigration relief options.” https://maketheroadny.org/other-ways-to-give-copy/ https://brooklynbailfund.org/donate/?utm_source=website https://www.classy.org/give/204448/#!/donation/checkout https://www.aplos.com/aws/give/CIVIC/GivingTuesday Sent from my iPhone

Nate starts the episode talking about his crimes. Are you man enough to defraud the Walgreens? All-star and heavy hitter Drew (@anrilefebvre) joins the Morphy boys once more to continue the saga of Aldrea for book 34. They compare aliases. Then Tyler goes into tinder stories. Then Nate brings up the girl who took Tyler's virginity. They then discuss how Cassie has a strong internal monologue. Marco loves the Phantom Menace. Nate posits that this book is The Clone Wars so it's time for mc chris. Cassie gets a ghost in her brain. Tyler derails a nice thoughtful point to talk about horns and holes. All in all this is a sad book. Nate explains what “mouth bored” is. Chili lime salt for dem ears. Nate is always one-upping Tyler. Nate interrupts Drew. Drew does an amazing shredder sound effect. The Animorphs do a crazy plan that involves dropping a whale on stuff. Drew does whale facts. No human is ten feet tall. We learn a lot about whale milk. It's intense. Nate thinks he can take a taxxon in water. We do not stan Paul Walker. Sent from my iPhone

Well known podcast trickster Nate is up to his hijinks right away. Today the Morphy Boys are joined by Avery Edison (@aedison) to discuss some torture. We jump into it talking about Beetlejuice Ventura. Avery comes into the podcast with a piping hot take right away. We need to put a stop to Scholastic book fairs until we can figure out exactly what the hell is going on there. Tyler comes at this one raw. Some talk about leg quenching. We talk about sexy presidents. Nate chose Soundgarden over Animorphs. We all agree the Chee are the ultimate vape rigs. Avery rags on Tyler and puts him in his place. The Boys and Avery agree that Sadam Hussein is a great leader because Jake said so. Tyler wants to be the shaved ice boy. Avery throws out a controversial Visser 3 take. The plan the Animorphs make is well written and definitely makes sense when executed. Pain is normal. Pain is life. Life is pain. Never trust. Sent from my iPhone

New type of girl dropped—the dolphin girl. Author, podcaster, and traumatized person Erin Moynihan (@erbearmoynihan) joins the Morphy Boys to talk about the starfish. One of the most reviled books. It's very horny. Nate is not a teenage girl nor is he horny. Does anyone remember Coneheads? We give unadulterated and unfiltered opinions. Nate LIKES this book. Nate gets Tyler's ass and makes him tell a story from Tyler Trauma Zone (TTZ). How many subways is a pre-k kid? Nate can't stop commenting on people's bodies. Erin has glasses so we know she's a smart blonde girl. The Morphy Boys and Erin then discuss how the interests of girls and women are a shorthand for weakness and how that's bad. Nate and Tyler arm wrestle to establish dominance and Tyler goes Over the Top. It's a draw. The boys try to appeal to conservatives. Rachel beats a guy to death with her arm. Marco is a disgusting dweeb. We talk about how men can use friendships with women for sex and how that is also bad. The book gets into whipping and weirdness. It's good and bad. Visser 3's trap is ridiculous and perfect. Visser 3 is against self harm. It's good! Sent from my iPhone (Make sure to add Sent from my iPhone)

Tyler starts this episode chugging a box of cold soup, disappointing our wonderful guest Ben Saint (@ItsAllSoUgly) from the Pro Crastinators Podcast. There's discussion of The Lying Kid. This is not the book to like Jake. He sucks. Who is your Beast War of choice? Just kill your dad! Or brother! Who care! As a podcast that doesn't give a chuff about plot holes, this book was so egregious that we had to address it. It's stupid! Jake's having some sadboy moments after his great grandfather dies. We redefine peregrine falcon mating. Ben shares Andalite Truth with Nate. If you want to get out of a day, just hide in your dads pants. But that won't save you from your vice principal doing a drive by shooting. The Animorphs do the stupidest torture ever. The book itself falls apart and Jake proves—once again—that he is unfit to lead. We laugh at it. Please clap. Watch the Animorphs 101 lecture here: https://youtu.be/6zrE6m3xOoE

The Morphy Boys are in rare form for this one. Recording in the middle of the night and drunk as hell. Dr Samantha (@samanthorium) joins/tolerates them to talk about book 30 and cockroaches. Nate does his best to keep Tyler on track. We dive deep into a humorless and manic Marco. We talk about skipping school. Y'all ever skip school to play Dance Dance Revolution? Dr Samantha is better at measurement than all of us and owns us when we call Shaq a unit of measurement. A new take on Robert Frost emerges. We don't trust people who think they're winners. We have a responsibility to explain what a cranny is. No nooks. Sting and The Edge are the same person. Tyler tells an atrocious cockroach story. Marco goes all manic and manipulated the group. It's all pretty good. Or is it. That's the Animorphs ghostwriter dilemma. The back half of this episode is deep dive into what makes Marco the Marco he is. Please enjoy.

It's a megamorphs, baby. K and Warren from Tone Deaf (@ToneDeafMusical) join the Morphy Boys to discuss the most deranged book yet. From smooth brain to goo brain, we get wild with it. It starts with some wild slave stuff. Eeeeeeeek. Jigsaw Joe Biden makes an appearance. Hon hon hon! Then we get… FRENCH! The Animorphs are on a time hopping journey chasing down an inept yeerk named visser 4. Then they get to meet National Daddy (a real thing from the book). Jake gets domed. End of series. Okay maybe not. But it was nice seeing Jake die. Nate tells us about Special Time. The Animorphs run afoul some seamen (lol). Rachel gets blasted. Everyone goes nuts. Then they go to Princeton. There's some talk of race. It's frank, it's real, it's sensitive, and it's funny. We did it, y'all. We fixed racism. Then after that we discuss the fine line between fiction and propaganda. Aaaaand this book is kinda propaganda for war. Then it's time to kill Hitler.

Family Guy updaaaaaate! Morphy Boys review mainstream comedy. First time returning guest Travis (@wlkngcntradctn) (because no one wants to come back, we don't know why because we are very nice boys) joins us to talk about book 29, The Sickness. Travis knows who's going to hell. This is the first episode with NO JOKES. It's all serious here, folks. Two white men can perfectly explain teen girl love. Tyler won't talk about his middle school crush. Nate gives us a brain hack! Nate admits to a secret pleasure. Tyler then reveals how cruel and unrelenting middle school boys are to their genitals. The fellas then talk about middle school love follies. Ax is wiling out at the dance. The Morphy Boys want pills and medicine. People that are tortured always tell the truth. Everyone makes fun of Tyler for not having an appendix. The Animorphs do Fish Tube 2: Electric Boogaloo. Video games are stupid. Thank you for laughing at my pain. Cassie has to do a surgery. All the Animorphs are getting sick. Cassie has to make hard decisions. This is her worst nightmare. She kills it. Once you do your job, it's time to remove your knob. Nate then makes Tyler put snail goo on his face. Cassie takes on Visser 3 by herself. She saves her friend. Then it's alien brain surgery time.

Glassy eyed zoomer philosopher Buongi (@mattbuongi) joins the Morphy Bois for some frank talk about kids morphin into cows. We dive deep into the works of the ghostwriter. Spoiler alert: she wrote some great harlequin novels, hell yeah horny team. Tyler jumps right into his love of soap operas. None of us have aspirations. Yikes. Marco gets mad that Tobias and Ax aren’t watching edgelord shows like Buffy and Party of Five. Kids these days be talkin to too many trucks. Buongi does some great Seinfeld work. Buongi also wows us with some chimp facts. The Animorphs reach a new stupid with their seagull truck chimp heist. We should honk and woooo more often. Visser 3 gets caked in product. The Boys yak about the ethics of testing things on animals and factory farming. Then Soup Can (@DivineSoupCan) provides cow facts which destroy us. The Knackerman is coming. We all consider what society’s consumption of meat means for us on an individual level. It’s all tricky. Then the book bums us out with its stupid libertarian ending. We end by playing a game of Who Said It?: Patrick Bateman or Kathy Apples.

Animorphing Time goes international with British envoy and ska punk badass, Greg (@the_rascal_king). The Morphy Boys are on one too. Tyler is gonna solve the Israel problem. We take a hard stance that every place that’s taken a place should give that place back. If you get a new Animorphs book every month for years, it’s safe to say you’re not a sports kid. None of us were sports kids. Sometimes beauty is just human skin and eyes. That’s what Titty has. Nate is here to speak for women. Greg is just built differently. There’s some language issues in the British Animorphs books. Can someone explain teletubbies to us? 90s kids LOVE Newt Gingrich! This book makes the strongest case that Kathy Apples never did real drugs. Rachel wants to crush herself into a pure warrior. Then we meet the best character in a fat minute— The Drode.

You. Yes, you, are a skeleton. It’s right there. Morphy Boys here, and we’re joined by Derek (@seraph1337) to discuss Animorphs 26. Nate starts the show by thanking essential workers. Then he shows how much his brain is like Adam Carrolla’s by inventing Wine for Men. We all agree it’s a bad idea. Tyler has never seen a Shrek movie. And he won’t. Don’t ask. Derek’s kids have bad assemblies. We will beat up anyone who bullies you. Do crimes. Do whatever you want. Don’t name your kid Crayak. Two gamers are tearing up the galaxy and that’s some kids problem I guess. Tyler has no hope. This snoop dawg wine has Tyler’s chemicals up. The howlers are big and strong. The Animorphs meet a real Satan and not the sexy Lil Nas X Satan. The Fran Drescher Defender shows up. The iskoort are some annoying little neoliberal turds with libertarian tendencies. We want Erek to go be a peasant. Shut up, hipster nerd. Is it Hugh Jackman or Huge Ack Man. Tiger facts are something else. The Animorphs get absolutely washed by a howler. Erek is a jerk still. The Boys talk about how equivocating fake evil with real evil and how doing so lessens the impact of real life evil. The Bots debate the ethics of a “servant culture” (hint: it’s bad). Animorphs win, that’s a bingo. This is the first Animorphs book we’ve read that gets an F. No Visser 3? That’s a bad book!

This is an Animorphs podcast. Today the Morphy Boys are joined by Thea Ward (@theoroosevelt83) to discuss book 25, the Marco ice book. We start by detailing our complicated early bonds. Some dark souls talk. Nate is a Freddy Krueger apologist for some reason. We jump right into Marco’s issues. He’s got big sub energy. The Animorphs Last Starfighter it in this one, y’all. You shouldn’t trust people with pools. Tyler reveals what he knows the most about and it’s not what you think. You have to dog down hard. This is the episode in which we normalize hemorrhoids. We’re all bitches to Nate. The venber show up and do a biathlon. Thea wants you to be a communist. Tyler has guilt. Nate learns the shocking truth about Dr Ben Carson. Hi Sam and Aera! Nate is afraid of being killed by a seal. The Animorphs get bleak, watch a genocide. Usual kids book stuff.

Today the Morphy Boys tackle the helmacrons with podcaster, activist, and all around cool dude Tony Boswell (@wordisbond). Tony had no history with Animorphs and thought about cheating and not reading the book but Kathy Apples pulled him back in. We’re all ashamed to admit that we kinda like Rick and Morty because the worst people on the planet have co-opted it. “Only dumb kids read Animorphs,” says Nate. Quarantine has not been kind to our bodies. Tony and Tyler try to make Nate feel good about his body before summer arrives. Tyler wants to come in Romulans and NOT go to Goodwill. Nate shows off his shelf of an ass on the podcast for Tony. Tony and the Morphy Boys do some race science but they’re still good guys. Tony outlines the perfect system of government. Bugs are the size of Walmarts and KMarts. Just bros swallowing bros. Marco starts a Men’s Rights movement in the helmacrons. You hate to see it. The lynchpin of every society is weak men. Listen to this crap already. Go listen to Tony’s podcast Minion Death Cult (@miniondeathcult) if you haven’t already. It rules. Remember: Kids these days don’t have good size fiction.

WHAT UP SHOOOOOORMS!! Today the Morphy Boys are joined by artist, Animorphs animator extraordinaire, horse girl, and all around COOL PERSON Char Reed (@CharReedArt). Strong clap game in this one. The hands are the gateway to relationships. I don’t know. Nate said it. This is the Four Corner episode. It’s all corners. We can be self-help guys. Tony Robbins type guys. Wait, no, he’s a sexpest. We won’t do that. Tyler is naturally wet. Nate has a perennial dad bod and it’s Very Good. Nobody cares when women have strong opinions about video games. Tyler won’t stop talking about bad 90s tv. He’s all hornt up thinking about Jared from The Pretender and Fran Drescher from The Nanny. Tobias is getting bullied in his meadow. Char jumps in with the analysis and digs into our Sad Bird Boy. Tyler talks about going for a pure Third Eye Jack. Rachel like’s being in the shit. Nate doesn’t care. He doesn’t care. Diet Coke is way better than rat blood. Give Nate money! I could keep going. Does anyone read these? If you read these, tweet the word “grambley” at me. I just wanna feel again. Like Tobias—who is going to finally learn about his lineage. Two white guys defend golf, can you believe it? We also think that we need to pay reparations and give healthcare to all indigenous folks in the USA. DEAL WITH IT. We go down a Beck hole. Char gets dirty with rabbit facts. Hope is a weapon to the abused. Welcome Back!

Taaaaaint talk! The Morphy Boys are joined by Drew (@AnriLefebvre)! They drink apartheid lager. This book is a Yub Nub. The worst advice you can give an Animorphs fan is “watch Animorphs on Nickelodeon.” Some people need that extra grit to clean their Brawny ass. We watch a bb boy get Flowers for Algernon’d. Visser 3 is a weeb. This might be the book where Jane Goodall falls in love with her ape to fight in a guerrilla war. Avatar stole everything from the Hork-Bajair Chronicles. Nate wants to dominate a mind, like what? Would you let your bro dominate you if you get to dominate them too? Tyler is learning a lot about himself. Nate wonders why he has to be there for that. The loss of innocence continues for sweet, stupid Dak Hamee by the hot bloodlusted Aldrea (Andrea?). Hork-Bajir are himbos. Andalite fussy (yes, it means THAT). We all hate pulling out and it’s a real goober moment when you do it. Drew dog walks the Morphy Boys by being a better, smarter, and hotter Animorphs podcaster but no one is self-conscious about it or anything. CALIFORNIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

The Morphy Boys are joined by MSW, child therapist, and badass horse girl: Heather (@SheepishSoprano). The boys start off talking about a Thicc Molina. Alfred Molina, what a talent, am I right folks? Nate doesn’t trust horses and Heather uses horses on kids. Horses know when you’re lying. Everyone in the episode is glad to see the Potter fandom die. The Morphy Boys are drinking Mt Dew margaritas to honor our fallen Animorph—the human turd David. Rachel goes bigmode in her stress fat dream. One of the best Animorphs books starts with a South Park reference. Boooooo. Heather goes over children trauma responses. David makes a shift into super evil. They all put Tyler in a Dexter-hole. Tyler and Nate lean into the homoeroticism of their friendship. Heather explains how the brain works in regard to trauma responses. Deep dive into Rachel’s subconscious and her bloodlust. Once again, we remind you that your boss is not your friend with some goon talk. Steal from grocery stories because it’s cool. Can a monkey steal a peach? Nate skirts close to sharing personal information. Not this time, folks! Nate is perfect! Tyler does some Yeltsin facts. David takes smart pills and becomes the best villain. We highly recommend Fassbender’s dong from the movie Shame. The Animorphs make a decision to kill. This shit is heavy. Give it a listen why not!

When you put out a call to god, sometimes he answers. Sometimes god is a guy named Jeff. That’s right, The Morphy Boys are joined by Jeff (@onemoreorbit). Jake eats some actual poop to impress his girlfriend. Boys just pull up their shirts to paddle each others bellies. Sometimes a sphincter will just say NO MORE. Tyler would eat free range human. Kathy Apples fanfics some Men in Black 2. The Morphy Boys can’t remember the plot of Men in Black 2 and THEY NEVER WILL! Nate can forgive David’s bird murder. Jake is making Nate Saddler. David is still not quite bad to Nate. Tyler teaches everyone about Snow Buddies. Animorphs do murders all the time. Jeff regales us with dragonfly facts. The Boys work on their Jon Lovitz impressions. Tyler goops and Nate gacks. The whole thing is too gross for Jeff and we really don’t blame him. Then they all debate what makes people bad. You know, the usual. Here’s your slop. Eat it up. Mmmmmm.

Nerd, CDC badass, and Survivor star Davie Rickenbacker (@ItweetDavie on twitter, @IamDavie on instagram) joins the Morphy Boys to talk about a child monster named David. That’s right, we’re talking the first part of the David trilogy. There’s a new Animorph in town and he’s…something. They talk their Animorphs cliques, growing up as an Animorphs fan in Georgia, and which celebrity they would morph into. Tyler shows his ass when talking about metal. There’s some Xena music. Have you ever held hands with a bro while pooping in the bathroom? Is rolling dice in the bathroom cooler than holding hands with your bro? The Animorphs bungle the bird plan after eating Whoppers. Davie wows us with cobra facts. Davie gives us some gossip about Survivor. This is an anti-Mike White podcast. All my homies hate Mike White. We are handing out Animorphing Time NOPE’s all over the place. Tyler is enamored with an old Volkswagen commercial. Nate is the only one who makes a sensible choice in which celebrity he would morph. Davie and the Morphy Boys debate if making an Animorph is right or wrong. In the end, they just do it. David’s family is infested, his house ruined, and his life destroyed. The Animorphs have adopted a cruel idiot. Then they must save the president!

The Morphy Boys are joined by Travis (@WlkngCntradctn) to talk about the Cassie butterfly book. The Morphy Boys REFUSE to own more than one bottle of blue Curaco. Cassie goes MacGruber early on and quits the Animorphs. She’s losing her humanity. I guess we all are really. Maybe having an existential crisis in an episode description is not the best place, but I dunno. Cassie has a bit of alien in her teeth. The gang teams up on Cassie. But it’s okay! Cassie makes a new friend! A weird little girl with a yeerk in her brain! Cassie is Betty Draper! Or Rachel is! Either way, she snapped! Tyler makes insensitive comments. Travis shares some personal trauma because that’s what this podcast is, really. It’s easy to make a splint for a little girl. Tyler details what it’s like to get a rectal exam. This episode contains a lot of ethical discussions and moral choices. Are you willing to risk everything for your beliefs? Could you give up Chilipop?

Happy Holidays, goblins and ghouls! Your Morphy Boys are joined by Animorphs graphic novel artist Chris Grine for a Christmas Spooktacular. We dive deep into the first three episodes of the Animorphs tv show. Hey! That’s what the graphic novel covers! Bad acting! Bad writing! Awkward chemistry! And that’s just the hosts of the podcast! We surprise Chris with a heartfelt thank you and tribute song: You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grine-ch. Happy winter to you and yours!

Folks, this is a long one and we get off the rails pretty quick. The Morphy Boys are joined by K and Warren from the podcast Tone Deaf. In the west, we read Animorphs! Not that Midwest Changanimals! Joe Biden is destroying Tyler’s brain. Tyler redefines what “Apple Sauce” is. Nate talks about a blown out scrotum. K is an expert and knows things and no one else knows things. The Animorphs do a dumb plan and travel back in time. Tobias cuts up his bear gf. Lots of dinosaur sex talk here. A sex lake! You know, I don’t have to write all the bits on here. This is about Megamorphs 2. Kids travel back in time and Tobias dooms alien crabs to extinction and ends the world. Normal freaking day!

Floyd (@liveactionfloyd) joins the Morphy Boys and immediately shows that she is better at Animorphs than them. Tyler is an ass hair away from losing it. Working on our best ‘old people’s hands’ material in this one. We’re all freaked out by the cover. Talkin’ holes with Floyd. Nasty holes. Ax is really good at passing for human. How many Cinnabons can you eat? Can any fashionable teens tell us what they’re doing clothes-wise? Kids love brands, don’t they folks? Ax and Visser 3 throw tails. What is ranch but a spicy milk sauce?The Morphy Boys and Floyd have an existential crisis about what happens in Z-Space. Ax joins his people and is a total asshole to his Animorph friends. There’s a death chant. Betrayal. Floyd shows us the nasty hole. Floyd does the best dramatic reading yet. Close your eyes. Shhhhh. Just trust me. They do Leeran brain surgery and it’s all fine. Worms have too much protein. The Morphy Boys get dandy. We all share our Dairy Queen order. Remember to line your nasty holes up or it doesn’t work. Ax does a 9/11. Does it all work out? I dunno.

Aaaaawoooo! It’s Animorphin in the AM! The Morphy Boys are joined by Rachel Kahn (@reachrachelkahn). Bloodborne fans ARE Animorphs fans and Bloodborne is a feminist game. We are Anti-Gamer. The Animorphs wanna use their morphing power to watch Shaq and Bruce jam out and end up getting grabbed by The Terminator. Real Life Rachel makes a strong case for the Animorphs living in Des Moines. Who would go to the Des Moines Planet Hollywood? Teens wanna see celebs. The Animorphs stop a guy from killing himself. Rachel gets a Wookiee life debt and must protect George Edelman. Inclusivity just means ‘present.’Stuff from the 90s did not know how to handle suicidality. The gang jumps right into it. Suicide. Don’t do it. Please. Reach out to me (Tyler!) and I’ll talk to you. Rachel gaslights a guy and holds a bathroom meeting. Instant maple ginger oatmeal makes the yeerks go nuts. Would you do chemical warfare against yeerks? Would you introduce drugs into an innocent society and watch the society tear itself apart? Well, the USA did that to its own people so HA! Got your ass! Unless you’re not American, well then, you probably have your own atrocities. All three admit that white people are bad. Colonialism is bad. It’s all bad. They order Happy Meals with Extra Happy. The Animorphs get covered in guano. Rachel falls in a yeerk pool. Marco hides in a freezer. In the end, some fates are worse than death.

Beer can be medicine. Leaders key in on each other’s insecurities. Nate has money and power and will GET Tyler. Lydia and The Morphy Boys share their first online handles. This is a story about friends we make online. Marco tries to catfish Jake but Jake is too “smart” for that. Nate has done as much as Beyonce at 34. Judge Dredd may have been in NWA. Jake googles yeerk. AOL is Andalites On Line. The Animorphs follow the smell of poopy to get on a plane. Tyler tells a poop story. Tyler shares his secret to falling asleep.Lydia and the gang discuss death, online, and getting smashed. Jake and Cassie share a human moment. Lydia loves to get The Nut. Roseburg only has one Taco Bell and they just don’t care. There aren’t enough Taco Bells in Canada. What’s your go-to order? Animorphs hack the Gibson. Nate prefers a soft wrecking of the mouth. Lower classes have charcuterie plates. Leave them alone. The Animorphs fight a Bill Gates type of Hannibal Lecter with a Secret Brother. Ax ends this book by literally eating cow shit. This is all normal. Sometimes you have to eat shit and sometimes you get to eat shit.

Brace yourself for the first annual Animorphing Time 2020 Halloween SPOOKTACULAR! Join Tyler, Nate, and Modern Day Cartoonist & Illustrator Rory Blank as they talk about the seminal 1986 brain slug classic Night of the Creeps. In a complete departure from our normal Animorphs format, we analyzing this B-Horror classic, what it means to have a space slug take over your brain, medical butt procedures, & the exciting potential of Cryogenics.Be sure to buy some cool and good shirts from Rory at https://roryblank.bigcartel.com/, subscribe to his Patreon, and give him a follow on the twitter.com @PissCastleSee you for a normal episode of Animorphing Time next week!

The Morphy Boys are joined by comedian, podcaster, curler, and all-around chill dude John Cullen. Nate is not great at introducing guests. Teens love Alannis Morisette. Is that how you spell that? I’m not going to look it up. John has never read Animorphs. Animorphs never interested him as a kid so we’re here to poison his brain with The Good Word of Kathy Apples. The Animorphs do some bad eco-terrorism. The fellas get into it on whether shit-talking birds would be good or bad for business (it would be good, actually). Marco has big Young Sheldon energy. John can’t make heads or tails of these bugaboo alien names. John watched too much Entourage. Marco is sad that his mom is friends with frogs and listens to Bob Marley to feel better. The Animorphs do an absolutely ridiculous plan to acquire a hammerhead shark and end up destroying The Gardens and killing innocent people—Oops All Berries! The Yeerks are doing a Deep Blue Sea and Marcos mom oversees it. The Morphy Boys surprise John with a gift. John is skeptical of the way the Animorphs do sneaking. No one wants to talk about the Dilbert guy.Listen to John’s podcasts Blocked Party and The PODkast. Support his patreon at: https://www.patreon.com/blockedpartyDownload, stream, or buy John’s new comedy album “Long Stories for No Reason” wherever you stream music.Follow John on twitter @cullenthecomic

The Morphy Boys are back on the main series! With a guest too! Our first one! And it’s a Lady. Writer and Instagram TV show haver, Aleah joins the Boys to talk about horses, horse girls, and how ladies put each other down. Rachel does that a lot in this book. Rachel is G-D-B to Cassie in this one. The horses are acting weird, so it’s time to see Crazy Helen. Crazy Helen clapped her cheeks so good that she escaped aliens. JNCOs were invented by dudes in Ohio with thick, strong thighs. Boys are mean to Cassie. They go to Area 51. A Controller is a nervous pooper. Actually, pooping is a through line that runs all over this story. Seriously. Pooping comes up like 4 goddamn times. Cassie uses pooping to dunk on Visser 3! Marco uses Ax’s battle morph to… hurt Ax? The twist in this book is pretty good. (It’s poop related.)Look, sorry about the audio problems in this one. There’s a bit of crap audio, but it will never happen again. Or it might. Who knows?