Different Skill Notebook

In this episode, Melissa Pascucci shares her success finding and pursuing a profession she loves.  Melissa shares the steps she took to help find her new career.  Melissa never stopped attending events at her school, Marino Campus.  She participated in all professional and community events hosted and promoted by the Dan Marino Campus.  She emphasizes the importance of pursuing learning and growth.  She says that one must stay connected to the community.  Attending events helps you to make new connections with people that can help you find a career that is your passion.  Melissa also stressed the importance of volunteering to obtain experience and exposure.  Melissa connected with a mentor, Gabriella Procci, whom she met through a program Dan Marino Campus had started called the Academy.  The Academy offered continuing education for graduates of the Dan Marino program.  This mentor encouraged Melissa to pursue working with the neurodivergent population.  Gabrielle recommended Melissa for an internship at the Social Mind Center.  The Social Mind Center had not had this type of internship before; we were sure we could all learn from each other.  Melissa started as a paid intern at the Center, coming several days a week to assist in social communication groups.  She would shadow Dr. Savinelli in social groups.  It modeled running a social group, which requires lesson planning, teaching strategies, and promoting opportunities for the kids to engage and connect. There is also the part of managing the sticky situations that arise.  Melissa learned to help children/teens to cope with stressful situations.  Melissa also became a moderator with the Brick Club (Brick-by-Brick Programme).  Becoming a moderator for Brick Club required her to complete a course and additional hands-on training running a group.  The internship gave Melissa a preview of what a career working with a neurodivergent community may be like.  It allowed her the opportunity to experience teaching and managing a group.  We both agreed that the best possible experience to determine your career path is exposure to different opportunities to observe and work in a field of interest, as an intern or even a volunteer.   

In this episode, Melissa shares her journey after high school to find her place and purpose in the world.  Her employment experiences and career ambitions.  Her story is one of perseverance and hope. She expresses the need for autistics to be consistently exposed to different experiences and opportunities.  This helps them to figure out what may be the best fit for them.  She says independence for autistics requires their parents to allow them to do life their way.  There are multiple pathways to finding one's place and purpose in life.  Parents must believe in their children's ability to find their way.  Autistics may need more time and different opportunities to find their path.  Melissa was candid on how parents can be too controlling and struggle to listen and respect their autistic young adult as an individual—respecting that they may have different desires than you.  Also, to respect that they may know autism best, so their perspective and voice matter.  Melissa continues to advocate for herself and her students.  She deeply desires to help autistic people find a career they love and self-realize.  As an advocate, she believes in and encourages her students.  She emphasizes how parents can support new experiences, listen, and respect their young adult.  In our next episode, Melissa will share her internship at the Social Mind Center and her new career.       

Before the term neurodiversity and neurodivergent came to be, I used the term autism mind. My son taught me 18 years ago that autism was a different kind of mind. He had a different process in which he approached his daily life. I realized the strategy was to equip him to navigate the neurotypical world. I taught him how the neurotypical world worked. How does the world work, and what does it expect of you? I taught him the neurotypical perspective, and he showed me the autism mind perspective. My most appreciated aspect of his process was to take breaks. From age three, he understood what he needed; he just needed words to express his needs. His process and pace influenced mine. I learned that you can still get plenty done at a slower pace. Thanks to him, I changed my pace and learned to live in the moment rather than my days defined by a list of tasks.  We bridged the gap between his process and the neurotypical expectations with strategies to help them adapt. There is more than one pathway to learning and living. Both Gaby and Nick needed strategies to help them navigate their school days. Gaby required more information to manage her anxiety, and Nick needed breaks throughout the day to sustain attention and stay on task. Eventually, Gaby learned to locate the additional information she needed, and Nick learned to get through the day without breaks.    We devised ways for them to meet their needs and work through the neurotypical expectations. And it was okay if they could not meet the neurotypical expectations, especially when the NT person was dealing with had no compassion and was highly rigid. Together we learned different ways to get things done. We learned together. I hope the information in this episode will help you help your child thrive.   More often than not, my children would not meet the neurotypical expectations. Amazingly enough, you can still thrive without meeting neurotypical expectations.        

      Seventeen years ago was the first time I heard the word autism. This episode shares the events that lead me to seek an evaluation for my son.  How did I know my son needed an evaluation? What did I do when I heard the word autism?  This series of episodes will discuss the start of my journey in seeking to know autism. Reflecting on what I have learned from my children and thousands of other children. This past year, I believe there has been a significant pivot in my perspective in advocating and educating autistics to be independent and self-realize their dreams. Ana Anselma         

    In this episode, Gaby Anselma joins us again to continue our conversation on anxiety. We discuss medication as a tool to deal with anxiety symptoms. Some of the other points discussed in this episode:  Medication is a tool, not a total solution to anxiety management. When do you decide to take medication?  What are some of the symptoms or signs that lead one to consider medication?  clouded thinking frozen and unable to act How can medication help you?  Stop the extreme symptoms and  Allow you to explore the source of your anxiety more and use coping strategies to manage your anxiety Understand that some of us are wired to worry When the medication started helping manage my anxiety, I could better plan and expand my activities to manage my anxiety. Anxiety impacts your ability to think clearly.   How did tennis help me understand and manage my anxiety?  Help you understand how your thinking drove my anxiety How I would self-sabotage my tennis game What was your breakthrough for you in managing your anxiety?  Understanding that your thinking can heighten your anxiety Sometimes our anxiety is physiological. Your body is anxious outside of your thinking Do you believe medication helped you gain the skills to manage your anxiety effectively?    When did you stop taking medication?    How do you manage your anxiety now?    Thank you for listening.    www.socialmindcenter.com  

  Considering medication for your child is a serious decision. In this episode, we discuss the different factors and considerations involved. 1. Does your child/teen struggle with?  Attending or focusing Anxiety Self-regulation - organizing mind and body to achieve goal-directed behavior Emotional regulation Irritability Impulse control Cognitive inflexibility- restrictive behaviors Depression   2. Do these symptoms impact their quality of life and ability to navigate daily activities?   Most notably, are these symptoms/behaviors a barrier to learning?    3. What is the intensity and frequency of the symptoms impacting your child?    4. What systems are in place in your child's home and learning environment to help minimize these symptoms and struggles?  0rder, structure, and predictability Consistency  Individual Education Plan IEP Smaller classroom  Individualized instruction/tutoring Interventions/coaching focusing on skills to cope and manage symptoms   5. Journal as many details relating to the symptoms and the impact on daily activities. Specifically, document the frequency and intensity of symptoms and behaviors. Have someone else observe your child in the classroom to assist you in gathering data.    6. Consult with either?  Behavioral Pediatrician Psychiatrist Neurologist   7. Pursue diagnostic evaluation with a psychologist to seek the source of symptoms and behaviors.  Spending some time reflecting and examining the information from the above list can help you make a more informed decision. Sometimes the answer to improving your child's quality of life and learning is more related to implementing systems, building coping skills, and altering their environments. Medication is a tool that should be combined with other tools to increase success. Medication is not a tool that teaches skills. It alleviates barriers to learning.   

Healing  and Managing your Anxiety!   This is our second episode in the series of Anxiety Management. In this episode Gaby discusses what her anxiety looks like now in college. She has dealt with anxiety most of her life. In every season it looks different.  Gaby discusses what her anxiety feels like and how it impacts her thinking and effectiveness on a daily basis. Then she details for us 5 different strategies that have helped her cope with the anxiety.  Understanding whether your anxiety is significantly impacting your quality of life is an important place to start. Gaby also discusses the importance of seeking help to make this determination as anxiety impacts your clarity of thought.  Gaby shares how counseling has helped her understand her anxiety throughout her life and how to manage it to have a more fulfilling life.  Please join us as we explore anxiety management in teens and young adults.   

WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT SOCIAL SKILL? When I think about our work at the Center teaching social competency, there are many layers to teaching these skills. For those who have social communication skills come easy. We never give much thought to what it feels like for those who struggle with social, emotional, communication, and self-management skills. If I were to pick one most important skill in developing social competency, that would be turn-taking. All socialization and communication is a back and forth. Children with social competency difficulties can struggle with this with fundamental skills. There is no social interaction that does not require turn-taking. Social-emotional reciprocity is the back and forth interaction that takes place in communication. (Norris, 2018) We take a social approach to have conversations with others, and we share our interests in our discussions. Part of that social-emotional reciprocity is knowing how and when to initiate or respond to others' social interactions (Norris, 2018). Some of the skills necessary to engage in social-emotional reciprocity include: Waiting for a turn to speak in school or meeting Talking to someone Making eye contact Demonstrating something Writing a note, email, etc. These are all examples of back and forth in communication and social situations. Turn-taking and waiting are fundamental skills to navigate every day in our communities. Turn-taking should be incorporated into all teaching as it is essential to social competency (Norris, 2018). Skill: Turn-taking In the Anselma home, we focused on turn-taking daily. In prioritizing helping Nick develop communication, we sat and played every day. The play was part of so many aspects of our home life as turning-taking is part of all play. The underlying foundational turn-taking skills are cognitive flexibility (transitioning -shifting mindsets), thinking of others (perspective), and impulse control. Start by playing what they love to play or doing what they love to do. Strategy: Turn-taking takes much practice for all kids. There is no clarity as to when it will be their turn. I prefer to take a favor, and/or my turn then your turn. Often the word sharing is used; however, for kids with weaknesses in social communication, sharing can be a more abstract concept. It's a bit more precise. A foundational component of communication and socializing is taking a turn. It is not a conversation or playing if there is no turn-taking/back and forth. Build: Consistently and repeatedly model turn-taking and thinking of others. There is a why to turn-taking: we need to think of others. It is perspective-taking thinking of others' thoughts and emotions. The family unit is the first social group your child will encounter. When my kids were young and during our teen years which we are still in, I would say "your turn" to pick the restaurant, activity, or game. When my kids were toddlers and early elementary, I would join in whatever they were doing, and then I would ask them can I have a turn now. With homework, I would help them by doing a problem or sampling/modeling the task so they could see it being done. I would say can I help you get started, then I would say now it is your turn; you continue. I would also get things started and let them finish. Our family often traveled, so we would say your turn to pick a place to eat or visit since you accompanied us on our adventure. We would take turns on whose activity would go first in the day. For siblings, one child mustn't control the family. That you take turns with their requests. When they are young, it needs to be more literal and physical, as if you would pass a ball back and forth. As they become preteens and teens, you need to discuss more the thinking of others. I constantly shared my perspective with my kids and what the other person's perspective may be. It was a three-part exchange: What am I thinking and feeling about this situation? What are you thinking and feeling about this situation? What do you think they are thinking and feeling about it? It is developmentally appropriate to be self-centered during the teen years, so requiring your kids to take a turn is even more critical. You cannot allow your home to become child-centered. You must help them acknowledge all family members and that they have preferences as well. Social media does not help with monologues since they can have a one-way conversation all day. I frequently see parents letting young children and teens monopolize the conversation. They never redirect or say, " Let's hear what your friend has to say. Social turn-taking and sharing space: When my kids were having difficulty sharing space or engaging with us. I would join them and sit there for a while with them so that they grow accustomed to me in their area. sharing space in close proximity is vital to establish joint attention (paying attention to the same thing) Ask to look at what they are looking at or doing use the language "my turn" and "your turn." give them a turn when doing anything together, even if they don't ask for it Some children or teens have difficulty turn-taking when in situations where the environment is unfamiliar, or many people. In these situations, the child/teen feels that they have less control which may make them feel extremely uncomfortable. In these situations, they will seek to take control, and the response may not always be socially expectable. Their reaction may be to engage their peer group, disrupting play or conversation abruptly. They intend to join in, but the sudden abruptness disregards peers' space and exchange. The best way to help your child/teen ease into these situations is to teach them to observe. Before participating one can be an observer. When entering a social situation, practice with them entering, greeting, waiting, looking, and observing before jumping in. the greeting is important sets the tone, and asking questions, "what are you all up to" practice observing, listening, and imitating before joining situations so that you can model for them provide information on expectations and what are some exit options if they do not feel comfortable or need a break When your child mentions that they are having difficulties with peers, gather information on how they approach and engage peers. Commonly, they may not be waiting their turn and this causes conflicts with peers. Practice conversational turn-taking with your child as often as you can. Model asking about their day, needs and challenges. Share about your day, needs and challenges. Spend time listening and be a part of their moment or interests especially with teens. Listening and observing in the teen years is important because there is so much going on in their environment. They may need help navigating this new season in their life, and they may not know how to ask for the assistance they need. I find they need much coaching on what to say and when to say it. Self-advocacy is very important in the teen years, learning to speak up for yourself and your needs. Works Cited: K. Norris, BS, MEd, Autism Basics, July 24, 2018. The excerpt was taken from this course answering the question What is social-emotional reciprocity. Resource: This entire excerpt was taken from Norris's Autism Basic's course Let's examine some foundational skills that underlie these methods of information sharing.: Joint attention. One of the basic skills involved in social-emotional reciprocity is joint attention. This typically develops in the first year or two of life. Joint attention is actively paying attention to the same object or activity at the same time with another person. We see babies do this all the time. As you're holding a baby, for example, and he hears an airplane in the sky and sees you look up, he'll also look up to see what it is. He may point at the airplane and look back at you, wanting you to look back at that. This tends to be a skill that children with autism are missing. The lack of joint attention may be one of the early signs of autism. Imitation. Imitation is another basic skill for social-emotional reciprocity. Parents, teachers, and peers are all people that young children will imitate. Imitation is one of the ways that children learn. If children with autism have that break in that social-emotional reciprocity, if they have that break in that ability to imitate others, then their social communication is negatively impacted. Reciprocal engagement. Once we have joint attention in place and we have imitation in place, then we usually enter into that reciprocal engagement. Again, it's the back and forth that we need to maintain long enough to learn something, enjoy something, and share something with another person. It's paying attention to people versus paying attention to objects. Children with autism have a tendency to focus strongly on objects. Objects are much more predictable than people and much easier for them to understand because of the deficits in their social communication. Non-verbal communication. Another area that can be affected in social communication is non-verbal communication. This would include facial expressions, as well as tone of voice. Using a single finger to point to an object is a non-verbal gesture that's important for young children to develop. You'll see very young children indicating what they want by pointing to it. They'll look at the object and then they'll look back at their caregiver to say, "Hey, pay attention to this. This is what I want. I'm pointing right at it." This often happens even before they can tell you the name of the object. Eye contact is a significant part of non-verbal communication and is often something that children with autism will try to avoid. Maintaining eye contact with someone is very uncomfortable for them, mainly because of that gap in their social and communicative abilities. We need to teach them ways that they can use their gestures or behaviors so that they can communicate their wants, their needs, and their interests. This Ask the Expert is an edited excerpt from a course entitled, Autism Basics. Kimberly Norris, BS, MEd Kimberly Norris has been an educator for more than 25 years. She received a master's degree in elementary education with an emphasis in reading from Southeast Missouri State University. She has provided training for early childhood educators on topics ranging from developmentally appropriate practice to adaptations for children with special needs. Presenting both at state and national conferences, she is passionate about educating professionals in the field of early childhood education.

  Teen Anxiety in High School Podcast Episode Summary: Over the last couple of years, there has been an increase in teenage anxiety and depression. Personally, we have seen the impact of this increase at the Center.  After seeing so many children and teens struggling with anxiety it is critical to prioritize:  Listening to a child or teen Understand all their needs Ensure that they have the words to communicate thoughts and emotions Anxiety: is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.  We all have anxiety at different times in our lives for different reasons. Anxiety is a normal response. When anxiety impacts one's ability to perform daily life tasks and activities this is outside the healthy range. Nick shares on the different skill podcast his experience with anxiety during his transition to high school.    Story:  When did you notice anxiety was impacting your quality of life? In my Freshman year of high school, I started at a new school. I had spent the last 8 years in a small elementary and middle school Bethany Christian School. My graduating middle school class was 20 kids. I was entering a freshman class of 200 students.  I was very concerned with fitting in and making new friends. Two of my friends came with me to Calvary which provided some ease and needed support. I really wanted to succeed socially but my anxiety would stop me from meeting people.  The anxiety was impacting my quality of life. I was constantly overthinking just saying hi to peers. I would be nervous and uneasy. I would wonder how I looked to other people. I would stay in this loop overthinking the interaction till I froze. What did you do first?  I got tired of freezing up and not taking action. I wanted to meet people and have a successful social life. I decided to start to take small steps by: ·      Identify different ways that I could meet people joined track team: teams and clubs make the school smaller ·      Approach peers that were in my classes ·      Challenge myself to go up to someone new at lunch and sit with them How would you avoid the overthinking loop that led to freeze mode?  Focus on acting vs. thinking small steps Positive self-talk What else did you do? Share my struggle with my family.  Sharing makes you feel better and you discover you are not the only one that is struggling. Sought advice from my older sister. She struggled with anxiety all throughout elementary school and high school freshman year was a big transition for her as well. Gaby inspired me she was courageous and would go to school social events on her own.  Gaby was solution-focused she would make a plan and then act. Her approach was small steps as well. One of my classes was strength and conditioning. This class ignited my interest in weightlifting. In middle school, I boxed and did calisthenics. Boxing was an outlet for my stress and anxiety. With this new level of stress and anxiety, I needed something more intense. The weightlifting really helped me cope and release the stress. It also built my confidence and improve my physical appearance.    The gym at my school was also a very social place, I was able to make new friends with shared interests.        

Is it Non-Compliance or inability to Self-Regulate?    In the last two months, I may have had more than two or three dozen conversations where parents share that they are getting notes home from the teacher that their child is non-compliant. In most cases, the child or teen is avoiding the task they are being asked to complete. It has always been my belief that no child wants to fail. There is always a reason for the behavior so finding the reason is important. With an autistic child, the question should always be what is the skill needed to complete the task and do they have this skill. The mindset should be a skill gap leads to task avoidance. Task initiation, avoidance, completion, and endurance all fall under the skill set of self-regulation. Autism impacts self-regulation and the gravity varies depending on the child's autism profile. This impact results in skill gaps in the executive function which is the mental processes that are involved in managing oneself. In autism self-regulation and self-management will require support to organize their mind and bodies to complete tasks. The question to ask when there is task avoidance: what tool, strategy, resource or support does the child need to be more constructive? Not how do we manage the behavior? Self -regulation is a process internal to one's self that involves “controlling one's behavior, emotions and the thoughts in pursuit of long term goals. Self-regulation is the core aspect of adaptive behavior-meaning adjusting to the situation. Executive Function is a set of mental processes that have to do with managing oneself and one's resources in order to achieve a goal and involves mental control and self-regulation In the last few years, we have really placed an enormous emphasis on behaviors in autism. To the detriment of identifying the skill deficit that results in this behavior. The most common behaviors that are identified by a teacher for an autistic child are: BIG SKILL: underlying all these other skills is language acquisition (what words mean and how to put them together), for example asking for help, or a break when needed BEHAVIOR: does not transition from one task/activity to another SKILL: focus/attention, impulse control, cognitive flexibility BEHAVIOR: does not follow directions SKILL: attention, focus, listening, language processing and comprehension, working memory, impulse control BEHAVIOR: unable to get started independently or does not want to do work SKILL: initiate task -getting started independently requires sustained attention, impulse control (block distracting thoughts), and cognitive flexibility BEHAVIOR: not staying on task, scattered attention, getting up or distracted from the task with other thoughts SKILL: staying on task requires sustained attention, impulse control, and cognitive flexibility (shift attention back) BEHAVIOR: not completing work or tasks SKILL: task completion/finishing requires staying on task, sustained attention, impulse control, and cognitive flexibility (shift attention back) skills Story: Both of my kids have an incredibly unique and diverse learning style. When it comes to their ability to self-manage/self-regulate they are polar opposites. We all have unique ways to get goals accomplished. Self-regulation is goal-driven behavior. There are many skills involved in accomplishing goals. My son was under-responsive to his environment. What that means is he had difficulty getting his mind and body organized to tackle the day. Each child on the autism spectrum uniquely navigates their daily differently depending on their needs. They all need support with self-regulation/self-management because autism impacts self-regulation. So the inability to initiate or get started is not always behavior. The level of difficulty in self-regulating is impacted in autism by the level of deficit in: social communication, the inflexibility of behavior, difficulty coping with change, or other restricted/repetitive behaviors . In my son's case, his social communication was greatly impacted at a young age, however, there was not a high level of inflexibility, coping with change, and/or restricted or repetitive behaviors. There may be several explanations for this but due to him being non-verbal we provided tools and supports that possibly allowed more flexibility in dealing with change very early in the diagnosis. We implemented the visual schedule and communication system PECS at 2 years old. This made his daily life predictable and consistent. Since Nick was really not one to engage his environment we set up a routine that would promote engagement. He was a good baby and toddler he stayed where you left him. So much of our intervention was increased exposure and experience exploring the world. I viewed them as guided interactions and I was the tour guide. We engaged him frequently and consistently we did not allow him to be zoned out in his own world for too long. There are children that are over-responsive to their environment and we can characterize them as extremely active and engaging their environment not always appropriately. With this profile, the focus would be on activities and strategies to increase focus, calming, coping, and exercise. The over-responsive child can struggle in an academic environment where you are expected to stay seated for long periods of time. Sensory integration difficulties can make a child over-responsive since they are seeking to feed their sensory needs. Meeting these needs with a daily sensory diet is important to help bring balance to the child's mind and body. Ignoring sensory needs will lead to behaviors that can be managed. In both scenarios over-responsive or under-responsive, what is important to know and understand is that the regulation/organization will need to come from the outside in for our autistic children. The level of support will vary depending on their level of dysregulation. Why is this so important? Dysregulation is the first thing that is seen, typically called behaviors. Why do I not call it behaviors because everything in autism is not a behavior although it may appear that way to so many? What presents as behaviors is an autistic person attempting to navigate their surroundings with no tools. My son's toolbox was extensive. Since he was not able to communicate substantially till age 4 we started with PECS at age 2 and continued with a communication device. We also invested much time in teaching him to meet his own needs. His intervention plan prioritized language development, communication, and independent function over all other interventions. The communication tools made his world more organized, and predictable as well as outline social expectations. They also repeated the language for him that applied to that situation. It gave him the order he needed to proceed and explore the world more safely. Skill: Self-Regulation Self -regulation is a process internal to one's self that involves “controlling one's behavior, emotions and the thoughts in pursuit of long term goals. Promoting self-managing in autism requires focusing on building independent functioning skills. This requires intervention planning that prioritizes these skills over academic instruction. It is critical in autism that the child can navigate their classroom or any environment as independently as possible. Initiating a task and completing a task independently is more important than advanced academics. Having an advanced reading level is great however, if the child cannot read independently. With autism know how to do a task is just as important as doing task independently. Strategy: Providing a support system to help the child organize, manage sensory needs and engage. This is a toolbox that will evolve with your child's development. Having an autistic mind means that you learn differently so you must have the tools to support this learning style. The expectation cannot be that the child will develop a skill independently without instruction or support. The expectation that a child with autism will self-manage independently continuously and consistently without organizational tools and strategies is the same as you expecting to navigate your day without your smartphone, laptop, or planner. Thinking tools! schedule: provide a structured learning environment that is predictable with advance notice visual schedule, checklists, and reminders in lieu of verbal prompting additional time makes the world of difference for a child that is trying to organize their mind and body continuously providing additional time for transitions providing additional time for initiation of task written instructions or steps for tasks that are difficult such as writing or reading comprehension that require the child to generate and organize language story maps - outlines the story writing prompts to get started on an essay reading and writing tasks are split into sections/steps work folder - organize tasks breaks - a child with autism uses their brain for social, emotional, and academic so frequently there is mental exhaustion incorporating movement, sensory or quiet space breaks can restore focus and endurance Build To build self-management skills it's critical to use the same systems, strategies, and tools consistently. Secondly, use the same systems, strategies, and tools across environments. The goal is to build independence and help your child to manage their own needs. The biggest challenge in setting up these systems is that you need to self-organize to sustain a home environment that can follow the system that you set up. Consistency is the hardest for families for obvious reasons. Better to teach one skill consistently than teach 10 skills inconsistently. The autism learning style requires varied repetition. Not just repeating the task in the same way but varied ways to also increase the mental flexibility.   Works Cited: American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.).  

Please Welcome! Cynthia Tobar shares with us the structure and routines that she has implemented in their daily lives to help Jackson, her son, build self-regulation/management skills.  Self -regulation is a process internal to one's self that involves “controlling one's behavior, emotions and the thoughts in pursuit of long term goals. Self-regulation is the core aspect of adaptive behavior-meaning adjusting to the situation. Executive Function is a set of mental processes that have to do with managing oneself and one's resources in order to achieve a goal and involves mental control and self-regulation Self-regulation is the result of executive function skills working together. Working memory, cognitive flexibility, and inhibitory control work together to help us self-manage. A significant fact is that we are not born with these skills; we acquire them incrementally over time. Some experiences and conditions can impact the development of these skills. For example, those on the autism spectrum, ADHD, learning disabilities, and early childhood neglect or trauma have difficulty acquiring these skills. The individual may experience different challenges with either flexibility, working memory, or impulse control. No matter the condition or learning differences, the child can learn these skills. Some children may require different instructional strategies and additional tools; however, systems can be in place to equip them with these skills. As essential as they are, we aren't born with the skills that enable us to control impulses, make plans, and stay focused. We are born with the potential to develop these capacities—or not—depending on our experiences during infancy, throughout childhood, and into adolescence. Our genes provide the blueprint, but the early environments in which children live leave a lasting signature on those genes. ! Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University (2011). Building the Brain's “Air Traffic Control” System: How Early Experiences Shape the Development of Executive Function: Working Paper No. 11. Retrieved from www.developingchild.harvard.edu. Some children require that systems be implemented to promote self-regulate/manage more effectively. Join us as we will explore strategies to build self-regulation for independent living. 

Self -regulation is a process internal to one's self that involves “controlling one's behavior, emotions and the thoughts in pursuit of long term goals What are the skills behind successful learning in and out of a school environment? Self -regulation is a process internal to one's self that involves “controlling one's behavior, emotions and the thoughts in pursuit of long term goals. Self-regulation is the core aspect of adaptive behavior-meaning adjusting to the situation. Executive Function is a set of mental processes that have to do with managing oneself and one's resources in order to achieve a goal and involves mental control and self-regulation Self-regulation is the result of executive function skills working together. Working memory, cognitive flexibility, and inhibitory control work together to help us self-manage. A significant fact to know is that we are not born with these skills; we acquire them incrementally over time. Some experiences and conditions can impact the development of these skills. For example, those on the autism spectrum, ADHD, learning disabilities, and early childhood neglect or trauma have difficulty acquiring these skills. The individual may experience different challenges with either flexibility, working memory, or impulse control. No matter the condition or learning differences, the child can learn these skills. Some children may require different instructional strategies and additional tools; however, systems can be in place to equip them with these skills. As essential as they are, we aren't born with the skills that enable us to control impulses, make plans, and stay focused. We are born with the potential to develop these capacities—or not—depending on our experiences during infancy, throughout childhood, and into adolescence. Our genes provide the blueprint, but the early environments in which children live leave a lasting signature on those genes. ! Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University (2011). Building the Brain's “Air Traffic Control” System: How Early Experiences Shape the Development of Executive Function: Working Paper No. 11. Retrieved from www.developingchild.harvard.edu. In this post, we will focus on identifying and defining these skills. Several future posts will cover instructional strategies and tools to teach self-regulation skills. You can find the rest of the post on our different skill notebook blog at https://www.socialmindcenter.com/differentskillnotebook-1/2022/1/3/self-regulation  

FREEZE: ANXIETY IN THE CLASSROOM We have all played the freeze game. When the music stops playing you remain still (Freeze) in place. The person who moves is out of the game. It has been approximately 9 weeks since school started and in this time we have had a common thread in many calls from our families' teachers claiming non-compliance during certain sessions during the school day. The teacher claims that they have tried everything and the child is still refusing to work. One of the amazingly enlightening experiences for me is having the opportunity to meet so many children with varying learning differences and work with their families. We have the opportunity to spend extended periods of time with them and observer them in stressful situations. We frequently witness the freeze we interpret as means of coping with information overload and/or anxiety regarding demands placed outside of their skill set. Children with anxiety and sensory integration challenges can freeze when presented with a task that is unfamiliar or difficult for them. The most common call we have had in the last two months is our parents sharing that their child's teacher contacted them to notify them that their child is non-compliant and refusing to work. Additionally, the teacher will state that they have tried everything and they still refuse to work. On our end, we do not refer to this response to certain tasks as non-compliance. We prefer the term task avoidance. A child or teen that has an Individual Education Plan (IEP) has learning differences that impact their performance at school. With this advance notice, there cannot be an expectation that this child will perform at the same pace or ease as peers without IEP's. The intent of an IEP is that the child will be provided with the tools, resources, and instruction to bridge the skills gaps resulting from the learning difference. The teacher should be aware that this child's performance will vary initially till some of these skill gaps can be bridged. So at the beginning of the school year after a pandemic with many children being out of school for a significant amount of time children with IEP's should have additional time allotted for adaptatie. When there is an IEP in place the progress of this child should be based on skill acquisition based on their individualized goals as outlined in their individual education plan. Their performance should never be compared to a neurotypical peer. So in this article, I want to discuss the situation of anxiety in the classroom and how that can often look like a child is frozen. When the child remains still it appears as if they are refusing to work. When a child is not performing the question to ask oneself is where is the skill gap or what is the skill needed. Then the next step is what strategy that can help the child overcome the anxiety they are experiencing in relation to these tasks. We very often when seeing this freeze reaction there is a demand placed that is outside the child's ability. Skill: Defrost Strategy: Reduce pace and task So when working with a child with anxiety it is so important to know that when the anxiety is high and they are not performing this is not a time to press forward and insist. The response should be to pause and allow some time for them to adjust to the situation. Give them a few minutes and perhaps allow an opportunity to go to the bathroom splash some water on the face or break for a few minutes. Pause - allow a few minutes. After a pause and consider minimizing the task. However, prior to minimizing the task repeat directions and do one problem with the child (sample). If it is a writing assignment get them started with a writing prompt. For example, write out the first sentence. When children have self-regulation challenges they have a difficult time organizing their mind and body to start a task. Giving them additional time and a sampling of the work can help them get started. Also, assuring them that if they are not certain what they need to do they can ask for help. This is a model for self-advocacy. Depending on the child's IEP they may require additional instruction or a visual checklist (to-do list) to self-initiate and work toward building task endurance. Some children struggle with attention and language processing therefore they require more direction. I prefer a checklist so the teacher does not have to repeat themselves and it promotes independence. Build: coping skills to defrost Allowing time to defrost and settle into new routines and expectations. Some children take longer to adjust to new routines. When implementing any strategy note it should be consistently used for several weeks to know if is effective. In our experience anxiety is experienced when there is an independent working task involving writing or a long worksheet. It truly depends on the child's learning difference. In our experience children with focus/attention struggle to stay on task for long periods and require task endurance to be built up in increments. Children with language deficits including those with autism take a longer time to process language and directions. For tasks suck as writing requiring generating and organizing language, you may witness task avoidance. Tools: create task endurance and focus checklists highlight instructions and areas to be completed choose either odd and even numbers of problems to reduce the length of the worksheet first and then visual (could be post-it note separating task in two) folder with one pocket labeling one side to do and finished When students struggle with self-regulation it impacts their ability to organize and initiate tasks visuals such as checklists, folders and breaking down tasks into steps increases task endurance.

Kindergarten Readiness - Independent Navigation of Environment   When our children are babies and toddlers, we do so much for them. They require so much attending and care since they are too young to do and care for themselves. As parents, we often see them as more dependant than we should. There is so much a two-year-old can learn to navigate their environment independently. It is at the age of two that we as parents can encourage independence and self-care. Children are starting school earlier now, either at two or three years old. They are exposed to and learn so much quicker. Their brains are sponges. Most children want to do it for themselves. Some may need additional modeling and practice, but the earlier you start, the quicker they will adapt. It's important to remember as a parent that we are not raising our kids for us; we are raising them to go out into the world. Three critical words to know and apply in teaching pre-schoolers consistency, structure and repetition. Kindergarten has changed considerably over the last few decades. There are expectations for social, emotional, and behavioral skills in Kindergarten beyond academics. The increase in expectations is due to children attending pre-school earlier and acquiring academic and social skills in pre-school. To navigate the current kindergarten curriculum, children are expected to have a certain level of independence. Teachers are required to cover more curriculum with less playtime. There are more tasks and swift transitions required throughout the day. Kindergarten is more serious now, requiring a different level of performance. To ensure your child's success fostering independence in self-care, communication, self-regulation, and tasks are necessary. Of course, it is an asset if your child knows their letters, recognizes words, colors, shapes, and writes. All the skills below can be developed and encouraged in your home by allowing your child to take a more active role in meeting their own needs and helping the family. The following skills are for independent navigation of the classroom: Takes responsibility for belongings. Unpacks and packs up (lunch box, backpack, jacket). Able to dress self Transitions to different activities and tasks throughout the day and adjusts to the situation. Attend to an activity/task for at least 10 minutes and stay with the activity or task to completion. Uses words to solve problems or conflicts. Asks for help and asks questions when uncertain what to do. Follow one and two-step oral directions. Talks in sentences and uses sentences that include two or more ideas. Waits turn to play with toys or games. Tries to regulate emotions properly and articulates feelings in words. Demonstrates increasing self-control. Works cooperatively (listens to others, shares and take turns). All these skills fall into these skill categories: Attention and awareness listening Social communication skills are the use of language in social contexts. It encompasses social interaction, social cognition, pragmatics, and language processing. Self-control/self-management cognitive flexibility self-care Visit our site for the complete article www.socialmindcenter.com https://www.socialmindcenter.com/autism-mind-discover/2021/4/15/top-10-skills-for-kindergarten-readiness  

This episode will kick off a series focusing on building coping skills focusing on coping with anxiety.  Coping is a skill that is critical when things do not go as expected. This past year there has been a considerable increase in anxiety in children. Since the start of this year, most of my consults have been related to anxiety. Many of the children have debilitating anxiety. We have all been dealing with much stress and loss. The most challenging aspect of the pandemic is the level of uncertainty and the disruption of our daily routines. The tension and changes have persisted for a year. This has lead to COVID fatigue. For all of us, structure and routines make us feel secure in uncertain times. To compensate for his uncertainty we must focus on the aspects of our days that we can control and provide a system and practices that can reduce the stressors we cannot control. After a long day of uncertainty and change, we need to focus on coping and self-care routines that include new thinking skills to counteract the stress and anxiety-provoking thinking. Story:  For my family and me, anxiety has always been a rather giant monster living in our home. There are different levels of anxiety, and we have always dealt with moderate to severe levels. Some people are just wired to worry. We have always invested much time in building coping skills and self-care routines to proactively manage anxiety. COVID really escalated the need for more consistent and frequent self-care. The pandemic started in my daughter's senior year and first year of college. Her college is in Manhattan; she is still attending online classes. The uncertainty of when she will be able to return to the school campus is very stressful. The drastic and continual changes at schools is a source of great stress. Now many are returning to school; however, there are changes in teachers, curriculum and friendships. Most of my son's friends were not able to return to the same school. We can agree that it has been too much change and loss in a short period. We cannot disregard the impact that this has had on all of us. We must take time to recuperate from COVID fatigue. We must also acknowledge the mental, emotional and physical impact of this pandemic. We are all weary and worn out from the pandemic. Our coping and self-care must be equivalent to the level of anxiety we are experiencing. When things get stressful in our home the first strategy that we do is: Stop/halt and redirect ourselves to a self-care/soothing activity. Our top strategy is a change of scenery is a change of mindset. My son Nick has always understood his need for pacing himself and not overscheduling. His daily schedule has exercise and resting incorporated with his required tasks. When he was a toddler his favorite word was break. He has taught me the importance of pace and how slowing the pace is required sometimes. Slow and steady is his process. His pace was his form of coping. Reducing one's pace will immediately reduce your stress. I hear parents so often being so hard on themselves and placing strenuous expectations on themselves. What all our kids need most is love and attention the rest is extra. There are so many of our expectations that can be edited or eliminated and some require more time to be accomplished. Our impatience is a great source of stress as well. My son is thriving in high school in 11th grade and my daughter is thriving in her first year of college. Prior to this, it was a climb with many obstacles and barriers that needed to be overcome. Some children may take their time and there is nothing wrong with that it just makes pacing ourselves as parents even more important. Our mental health is critical as it will directly impact our children. We must model coping. If you find that you or your child are consistently struggling with moderate to severe anxiety, consider seeing a professional for guidance. Consistent heightened levels of anxiety lead to depletion that can lead to mental exhaustion making it challenging to implement coping strategies and shift from anxious thoughts.  Anxiety also makes our thinking cloudy and disorganized making it challenging to redirect thoughts causing us to stay in the negative thinking loop. You or your child may require assistance to get out of the anxiety loop. Consider cognitive-based therapies as an effective treatment for anxiety. Cognitive behavior therapy is a type of psychotherapy. This form of therapy modifies thought patterns in order to change moods and behaviors. It's based on the idea that negative actions or feelings are the result of current distorted beliefs or thoughts.   Skill: Coping is to deal effectively with something difficult. The anecdote for anxiety is coping. Coping allows us to adapt so we can evolve emotionally and socially. This past year we learned that becoming comfortable with discomfort can be a valuable skill. As parents, we want to save our kids from their struggles. It is hard to watch them struggle and suffer. Rescuing does not teach them how to cope or resolve. The anecdote for anxiety is coping. Rather than resorting to rescuing, consider building coping, self-care and thinking skills to self-manage anxiety. One important coping strategy is learning to calm ourselves. For children who may have emotional regulation issues reaching a calm state may take practice and assistance. We all need to practice the coping strategy of reaching a calm state of mind and body. What we can learn from this pandemic is that our lives can drastically change at any time. This has given us an unusual opportunity to learn to cope with change and discomfort by proactively practicing calming strategies throughout our days. Inserting breaks into our days of quiet and soothing actions. In these technological times that requires shutting down to reboot. Strategy: An essential aspect of coping is self-care. We must be kind and patient with ourselves. We have all experienced loss during this time. We need to take this imposed societal shut down to allow time for healing and recuperating rather than seeking replacement activities to liken our previous routine. This is an opportunity to evaluate our former ways and reset. These are times to include new healthy habits that will promote balance in our life. The balance will minimize stress and worry. We often cannot control our circumstances, but we can control how we respond.  Present, and Pace: Stay in the present and tackle tasks one at a time. One hour at a time. Multi-tasking sounds great. It is not always the most productive. Mind your pace; maybe you need a slower pace: When listing you're to do's, make sure you examine what does not need to be done. Sometimes our to-do lists are wish lists. It stressful edit to the must do's. Focus on the information that is available and accessible to you at this time; avoid hypotheticals; if you are struggling with getting through the day, why think about next week. Stay in the moment! Reaching a calm state of mind requires shutting down the thinking process and soothing our bodies. For some, being still comes easy. Some need movement to calm the body. This may also require the changing of place. Movement of the body and moving places/scenery moves mind: My motto is a change of scenery change of mindset. I believe nature to have healing power. If you cannot take a nature walk, then watch the national geographic channel, the world of calm or any nature/travel programming to provide you with a visual and mental escape from your current surroundings. You can combine it with walking in place or stretching. music can also alter one's mindset yoga and stretching there are many apps available now that provide you with positivity, meditation and visualizations to shift your mindset. Include exercise daily: incorporate subtle and intense movement in your day games that require action Play: Children and teens are overscheduled today. So much of the activities they are involved in are performance-based and monitored. Rather than activities to provide an outlet and for self-expression. Children that are online schooling need more play and non-screen time activities. Play can lighten the mood and bring silliness which is always needed. Playing games teaches critical social competency skills in areas of social language, perspective-taking and executive function including: words to resolve conflict words to seek assistance Sharing space Listening Cooperating Making tough choices Being a good sport - Thinking of Others Bonding Social attention Transitions Waiting Focusing/staying on task Flexibility Emotional regulation Following directions Sequencing

  What is Anxiety? worry nervousness unease Signs of Anxiety: restless, nervous, tense, sense of danger, panic, doom, increased heart rate, breathing rapidly, sweating, trembling, weak, tired, trouble concentrating or thinking about anything other than present worry, trouble sleeping, gastrointestinal problems. Strategy: Affirm: Validate the feelings of stress and worry. I always tell my children I am so sorry that you are going through this how can I help. Provide assurance that you understand as you have been stressed and worried as well. Empathize and share how uncomfortable it is to feel this way. Provide an encouraging, comfortable and supportive setting so they can share the concerns. Provide examples in case they may not have the words to communicate the worry. You can share stories that may exemplify a similar worry for them to identify with. You need to discuss with your child that you understand their fears because everyone has fears that they need to cope with. Model how you cope. You may not know the exact coping strategy however, authenticity and transparency are the best. You do not need to know all the answers just reassure them that together you will figure things out and find a solution. Access: Gather as much information as possible of what is leading to worry? Measure the seriousness by examining frequency and intensity. Is it every day, and does the worrying last for long periods. Do you see mental and emotional depletion (exhaustion or frequently tired)? Here is a worksheet that can help you track the anxiety. These worksheets can be found on www.understood.org. The specific URL:https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/managing-feelings/stress-anxiety/download-anxiety-log-to-find-out-why-your-child-gets-anxious-or-stressed. Action: Provide clarification; often, excessive anxiety can be based on insufficient or inaccurate information. It can also be distorted thinking? Distorted thinking is when we misinterpret a situation as awful and a threat to our well-being when in reality it is not. Because our thoughts generate emotions, and our emotions cause reactions, distortions in our thinking can lead us into an undesirable reaction. Answer questions or concerns? Encourage rest and quiet. Limit exposure to news or negative scenarios that may increase worry. Make sure they have accurate information about the pandemic. Add to your social media feeds that are positive, empowering and encouraging information. Anxiety Tracking & Pattern: Tracking the pattern will provide clues as to what may cause anxiety. Identify signs of when the anxiety is starting or increasing. Anxiety impacts our mental clarity and communication. Your child may have difficulty pinpointing the source of anxiety or making sense of what is happening. Tracking and identifying a pattern can reveal information that the child or teen may not be able to communicate. Resources: Brown, Annette F. Live Strong.com, What Are Different Levels of Anxiety. https://www.livestrong.com/article/97139-different-levels-anxiety/  These worksheets can be found on www.understood.org. The specific URL:https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/managing-feelings/stress-anxiety/download-anxiety-log-to-find-out-why-your-child- Thank you for listening to different skill notebook podcast for article to complement the podcast please visit www.socialmindcenter.com/parentconnectionblog/differentskillnotebook

  This past year of the COVID pandemic disrupted the structure in our lives that provided security. School and work are part of our daily routines that brought us order and stability. COVID interrupted all lives, exposing us all to varying degrees of chaos and loss. Everyone has experienced some level of anxiety this past year. As parents, we want to press forward and get our children to learning and thriving. We are in a new year with new perspectives. With school shutdowns and home learning, we have seen a different side of the academics and our children's process outside of the classroom. This is a time to reevaluate and reprioritize what is most important for our children. Mental, social and emotional health is just as or more important than academic success. One cannot be achieved at the expense of the other. Mental health must be acknowledged and prioritized. We must acknowledge that while our kids may be capable of doing certain things, does not mean they should do them. The increase in childhood anxiety is in part to the pressures that children today are exposed to unnecessarily. This is a time to evaluate and examine your parenting process and academic mindset. This is maybe a perfect time to reset your process. Before COVID, I have always noticed from my conversations with parents that there seems to be an academic race. A huge part of the pressure is to be ahead. I have always said that I don't know where everyone is headed. It takes 12 years to finish school. I have always been puzzled by advanced curriculums. And never really understood the benefits of being in a specific grade and working on a curriculum one or two grade levels above. We are not allowing kids to learn at their pace. We keep increasing the expectations without providing coping tools. We are seeing a great increase in children having anxiety and mental health concerns. Typically, in summer, I see parents including academics in the summer day activities with the mindset of not wanting them to fall behind. I always encourage them that summer can be an opportunity to learn social-emotional and self-management skills that may be hard to focus on during the academic school year. There is also so much learning that different experiences, such as volunteering, can do. Consider this summer allowing for plenty of time of leisure and rest. We need to acknowledge that the pandemic has left us all weary and fatigued. We need to have to time recuperate mentally, emotionally and physically. As we press forward, let us note the residual effects of the past year that we all want to leave behind—keeping this in mind as some of our kids are returning to schools at different times. For so many kids, home learning was not successful, and there was a loss of skills. We must resist the anxiousness that can arise from the thought of our kids falling behind. There is plenty of time to learn we must dismiss this “falling behind” mindset; it's unhealthy. This mindset pressures us to adopt an unbalanced pace. This Winter and Spring semester is a time for all of our kids to adjust and adapt to returning to school, still with a pandemic looming. Use this time to rethink your process and priorities before COVID. This is a time to press the restart button and have the opportunity to do things differently. Reset: resist the pressure to dismiss COVID fatigue. Allow your child and yourself this later part of the academic year to adapt to the continued changes. Realign: do not increase the pace or overschedule to compensate for the lost time. Allow for play and leisure time maintaining a balanced speed. Restart: adjust your routines to incorporate healthy habits that may have been missing in your daily practice.  This past year we have been shown the importance of health. Without our health all else is impossible. There is still much to learn from this experience of this pandemic that can help us refresh our lives. We are still at the start of the year with the opportunity to reset. What can help with this process is to make a list. Make a list of all that you would want more of this year on the yes column. Make a list of all that you would want to see or experience less of this year on the no column.

  Welcome to the different skill notebook podcast.  In this episode, I share details of a consultation with a parent on coping skills.  Coping allows us to adapt so we can evolve emotionally and socially.  This past year we learned that becoming comfortable with discomfort can be a valuable skill.  We want to save our kids from their struggles however, this does not teach them how to deal with or resolve their struggles.  This past year, there has been a significant increase in anxiety for children. The anecdote for anxiety is a coping strategy.  You can contact me on www.socialmindcenter.com. Ana Anselma     

Priorities with ASD & ADHD What comes first?    Welcome to the Different Skill Notebook! My name is Ana Anselma your host. In this episode, I bring you into one of my parents' consults where we discuss the learning profile of a child that has been diagnosed with Autism, ADHD & Dyslexia.   In this episode, we will review an Autism, ADHD & Dyslexia profile and prioritize an intervention plan based on the child's & family needs as well as academic expectations.  At the Social Mind Center when we assist a family in mapping out a skill-building plan to address skill deficits, we consider the entire family unit. We prioritize social and emotional health.  Discussed in this episode is a strategy to increase self-awareness of body, mind, and emotions to develop self-control/self-regulation.  Skill: Self-regulation involves three main skill components: Cognitive flexibility, impulse control, and working memory. When one is overly tired, stressed or mentally exhausted, all these skill abilities deteriorate.  Body awareness of increased stress levels leading to a meltdown. Calming the body and slowing down reduces impulsivity. Find activities that can help release stress.  Body awareness of when there is sensory overload. Awareness of mental exhaustion. When we are mentally tired, it is harder to implement calming strategies. HALT: beware of hunger, anger, loneliness, and tiredness.   Strategy: Guide transition to a safe space that reduces sensory stimulation and allows him to calm his body and mind. He will require assistance with this transition initially.  Redirect the behavior of meltdowns and aggression to removing himself from an environment where there are continued expectations after school to regulate. Redirect proactively to a place (when traveling or in other homes (environments) identify a break spot) where he can transition to calm, quiet, and rest. Replace behavior of meltdowns to transitioning to a break across environments and that he self-implements this break.  Build:   Self-awareness of when mind and body are overloaded and stressed requires a break to calm body and mind.  Identify the signs in oneself. Use Concrete examples that help recognize how my body feels under stress.  Identify the words to communicate when he/she needs help to transition to break. Build a habit of implementing breaks throughout the day and across environments.  Thank you for joining us for this episode. To learn more about the Social Mind Center and this topic or related topics please visit our website www.socialmindcenter.com.  

  Welcome to the Different Skill Notebook. Today we have a guest speaker Samantha Salver a licensed clinical social worker.  COVID has brought to the forefront that academics may not be the most important skill to succeed. With home learning, parents have realized that in order to independently navigate a school day there are non-academic skills involved. Organized thinking and living are required for a child to be independent.  Parents are continuously bombarded with academic expectations and activities. Not all these expectations and activities are necessary. Let us examine.  In this episode, you will learn about assessing and shifting your expectations to ensure that you are prioritizing the skills that your children need most:  1. Reframing your parenting by adjusting the lens to adjust your view.   reexamine expectations and needs 2.  Assess learning style: How does your child learn best?  Do they need a change in the learning environment?  3. Prioritize skills: What skills does your child need most to meet their needs and succeed now?   Be mindful of:  Assess pace of learning some children need more time  Celebrate all success no matter how small Acknowledging that your child's strengths and weaknesses may be different than yours     

Knowing My Needs!   In guiding our children to find their power and voice we want to instruct and guide them in self-awareness and self-care. The first step to self-advocacy is knowing yourself and your needs. When venturing on this journey of knowing self and self care always keep at the forefront of your mind “wonderfully and purposefully made”. And the knowing self journey is more about discovering the wonder and purpose in you as a parent and in your child. “Remember you and your child are wonderfully and purposely made.” Ana Anselma As I am writing this I am reflecting on myself and my journey as a parent, I am still learning to identify my own needs. Our bodies are continually evolving with age. Consider this a journey and process of self-discovery that you can experience with your own child. Explore with me understanding our needs and the ability to communicate regarding those needs. One of the most helpful and enlightening steps I took as a parent was learning about the brain and how thinking impacts behavior. This expanded my perspective on why people and children behave the way they do sometimes. Also know that:   Parenting is more about being present, patient, persistent, persevering and never about perfection. Ana Anselma   Story: We all have moments or situations in our parent journey that make a lasting impression on us. When my son Nick was in 2nd grade he came home and said I am not going to school anymore. Nick was a boy of few words. He was extremely compliant, content, and seemed to enjoy attending his school. Well, the next morning came and he in fact refused to go to school. Knowing him well I knew that he always did best if when we took a step back and allowed him time to process his thoughts and feelings. And take a break like he would so often request. This way he could communicate to us why was he not going to go school again. Well much to everyone's surprise his teachers included one week went by. After discussing with his therapist we all agreed that we needed to wait till Nick was able to share with us his reason with us. Forcing him to go to school would only escalate the situation and not allow us to resolve whatever his struggle was with school. His teachers and school could not have been more supportive. They were horrified and kept thinking it was something they may have done. The amount of stress that both Jon and I endured was so painful. We felt helpless and the waiting seemed like an eternity. After that week Nick said I cannot write so I cannot go to school. Nick is a concrete thinker and with autism your perspective taking is challenging. He could not write so there was no point in continuing to attend school. This made perfect sense in his mind. One solution eliminate the problem which was school. After he made that statement I knew that it was going to be a process to explain to him that writing is an evolving skills and for some kids it takes longer than others. In fact, that is a the lesson here, learning is process and some of us to take a bit longer than others. The current academic demands allow very little room for changing or different paces. Since Nick started attending Bethany Christian School I always shared with them that Nick would remain at the school as long as it was a place where his needs could be met and he could thrive. I had no expectation of the school having to adjust to his needs. As a small private school I knew they did not have the resources or tools to deal with complex learning differences. The headmaster Sam always laughed at me and said what are you talking about. I took it one year at a time. I always evaluated schools by how they were a fit for my children. There are amazing school out there that offer amazing programming however, are they the best fit for your child. Well they worked with me and we agreed on some accommodations and adjustments to his writing curriculum. We agreed that he would start his writing assignments in class and then he would have extra time to complete the writing assignments at home. His language skills gaps required more time and instruction. We would write at home several times a week and we also would focus on creative writing about things he could see. For example, we sat outside one afternoon and spent a long time admiring the oak trees in front of our house and describing their powerful qualities. This was a moment in my life with my son that I realized that he would need me advocate for him till he could advocate for himself. His learning style required that he would be allowed the time that he needs to better develop his skills. Through encouraging open communication, he is now empowered to advocate for himself and explain how language processing and expressing himself was a challenging skill for him. He can acknowledge his progress although frustrating and slow at times I always reminded him that progress is progress. I always have seen him as a the turtle that perseveres and arrives at his pace. I acknowledged, respected and protected his pace and process. I have always advocated with him and shown him to share his needs with his teachers. His authenticity and transparency has always been surprising to his teachers. They have always worked with him as they see his commitment to the process and his consistent incremental progress. Today my son is a junior in high school and is in honors english. He is still struggling with his writing however, he is always asking for help and guidance. By doing so, he is able to make progress and compete the task at hand. It is not our weaknesses that defeat us it is our inability to face them that can overcome us. Ana Anselma   Strategy: 1. Promote self-awareness of needs and the language (words) to identify those needs. Know yourself and needs. For younger children focus on the more physical and concrete aspects. There are also fun ways to describe our brains as computers that need shutting down and rebooting. You can equate the body with a car that requires fuel. We want to promote respect for our bodies. Body: exercise, healthy eating and proper hygiene Brain: learning, focus, regulation, anxiety and stress Heart: emotional regulation and mood management 2. Know what you need to fulfill your needs. Use positive, encouraging and specific language to identify and categorize smart choices for self-care. Healthy/ Unhealthy: We use healthy and unhealthy to label everything in our home. It's less judgmental and condemning to say that is an unhealthy choice. We all make unhealthy choices however we want to encourage each other to make more healthy choices. Healthy and unhealthy can apply to more than just food. It can apply to all our choices. We want our children to know the choices that are best for them and their needs. Strengths/Weaknesses: An important aspect of knowing what you need is understanding areas where you have a skill weakness or difficulty. It is also just as important to identify strengths. We never want our children to believe that they are a sum of their weaknesses. We want them to know and understand their strengths. Also learn to use their strengths to minimize their weaknesses. Exploring passions may also identify an activity or hobby that can help build skills to minimize weaknesses. Do not make a big deal about weaknesses because we all have them. We also have to be patient every child develops at a different pace and it is unwise to compare. Not all flowers bloom at the same time. Need/Want: Differentiate between a need and a want. Calm/Chaos: Differentiate calm from chaotic environments and situations by labeling them as they present themselves. If your child has a learning difference make sure that they have the words to properly and positively identify their learning difference. You want your child to have the the words to describe themselves positively. Clarify/Confuse: Assist in identifying individuals that clarify versus confuse the situations. Differentiate clarity from confusion by labeling scenarios that present themselves. Build: Model communicating needs and seeking assistance. Creating a supportive and encouraging environment for your child to build the self-confidence and assertiveness to ask for help or guidance. Encourage and model asking questions. (Who, what, where, when, why and how?) Encourage investigation to learn about themselves (body) and to seek assistance. Who can assist you? identify tools and resources where you both can learn more about your bodies Practice asking for help and/or additional information. Model these behaviors for your child all the time. Model playing, rest and leisure time: Enjoy being present with your kids. We are walking and nature exploring family. Although our car pooling and driving together days were always times of sharing and unpacking our days just as well. Leisure time is a time to connect and get to know each other better. Providing your kids with multiple opportunities to share with you about themselves.   Resources: James, Nancy S. Self-Advocacy: Know Yourself, Know What You Need, Know How To Get It. https://www.wrightslaw.com/info/sec504.selfadvo.nancy.james.htm

Adapting a Parenting Style   Welcome to the different skill notebook podcast! Today we have a special guest Samatha Salver, LMSW. Samantha is part of the Social Mind Center team. Samantha leads social communication groups, organized thinking/executive function coaching, and individual counseling. Visit her page on our website: https://www.socialmindcenter.com/coaching. Our conversation today focuses on "adapting" a parenting style to meet your child's needs.  Academic success is inter-dependent on social-emotional skills. Frequently, our parent's focus and prioritize reading, writing, and math. These are very important skills that encompass a part of the academic day. The rest of the academic day requires skills such as listening, focusing, and staying on task.  These are some of the skills required to independently navigate the school day. In every grade, there is an expectation of the child independently completing tasks, transitioning, and engaging in-class activities. All these skills fall under the social-emotional learning skill group.  More important than grades is your child's social-emotional welfare. Children should enjoy the learning experience, community, and building relationships with classmates as well as teachers.  Strategy: Identifying and understand your child's social-emotional needs. Know your wants and how do they match up to your child's needs.   Expand your knowledge on the social-emotional expectations for your child's grade.  Does your child have the skills to meet those expectations? Identify where your child may need additional assistance and support.  Find the appropriate help and support for yourself and your child.  In our conversations with parents, we often find that we need additional information from the teachers and other professionals to better access the child's needs.  Academic expectations for each grade are for the class as a whole. There will be variations of these expectations. In our experience, we find that there are kids that require additional time to acquire certain skills. Sometimes it's as simple as adjusting our pace. Learning more about social-emotional skill expectations for each grade should be your starting point. Here are some helpful resources.    Resources:  https://www.socialmindcenter.com https://www.understood.org https://www.verywellmind.com  https://www.verywellfamily.com/what-your-child-will-learn-grade-guide-620869 https://www.verywellfamily.com/middle-school-students-and-their-developmental-needs-3288057 https://www.verywellfamily.com/child-development-overview-4172261 https://www.additudemag.com https://spectrumnews.org            

Power to Choose! Self-Advocacy How to equip my children with words and communication skills to obtain what they need! The most important gift we can give our children is the freedom to choose, independence to exercise that choice, and the ability to live that freedom. Skill: Learning the words and skills to self-advocate. Review: What is language? Language refers to the words we use and how we use them to share ideas and get what we want. Self-advocacy means: When you speak up for yourself. When you decide what YOU want to do now or in the future. Understanding your strengths and weaknesses. Developing personal goals. Being assertive (meaning standing up for yourself). Making decisions. Communicating your needs and making decisions about the supports necessary to meet those needs (Martin Huber-Marshall, & Maxon, 1993; Stodden, 2000). Strategy: Identify, define, and instruct your child to know their needs and know how to get what they need. Create a learning profile for your child. A learning profile details your child's strengths, weaknesses, and needs (social, emotional, behavioral, and academic). Identifies the skill area and gaps tied to weaknesses. It is important to identify where the learning barriers are so that address proactively. Helping your child alternative identify means and strategies to achieve a task or solve a problem. Build: Create a checklist of skill focus for your child. See categories below each skill section is prioritized based on importance for building independence and survival skills. Identify one or two areas and focus until the skill is mastered. Skills should evolve with age and the demands of the environment. In which of these areas does your child need assistance to develop the skill to the demands of their age and environment. These are all areas that everyone has to develop and evolve throughout a lifetime. If your child has a learning difference the development of the skills in the impacted areas may require more focus and intentional instruction. Developing proactive strategies and alternative strategies where your child can obtain the support and assistance they need proactively. There are several areas that require continuous development: communication attention/focus perspective organized thinking: prioritizing, planning, and goal-driven objectives Physical and healthy living needs: includes self-care and managing needs specific to me. Sensory, allergies, and other conditions: my body: exercise, healthy eating, and proper hygiene brain: focus, regulation, anxiety, and stress heart: emotional regulation and mood management creating healthy goals and habits identifying and creating supportive living and learning environments Support: who can support me on my journey and understand my needs? family friends teachers coaches therapists mentors inspirational roles models initiating and building the relationships with helpers Learning and training: these skill areas require intentional instructional coaching and/or intervention depending on the learning difference. seeking assistance and tools and strategies that build skills. Finding alternative pathways and bridge skill gaps reading about and researching resources/finding support and resources social-emotional learning and competency: social language: what words to use when emotional awareness and regulation- words for emotions and the ability to manage emotions perspective-taking (Theory of Mind): Theory of mind (ToM) is the ability to attribute mental states to ourselves and others, serving as one of the foundational elements for social interaction. Having a theory of mind is important as it provides the ability to predict and interpret the behavior of others. organized thinking: goal-driven behavior critical thinking: observe, analyze, interpret, reflect, evaluate, infer, explain, problem-solve, and decision making decision making: the act or process of making choices. employment life skills- money management, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, computer skills, making appointments, and driving etc. safety -self-defense and protection Story: As a Cuban refugee, my father's parenting and education revolved around survival and life skills first. Understandably, my father's worst fear was that I would find myself alone and unable to help myself. Having to flee his country with nothing but the shirt on his back and his knowledge. My father's favorite words were “no one can ever take away your knowledge”. My father devoted his life to preparing me for full independence and self-sufficiency. Having me at an older age he feared that he would not always be around to help me so he rushed to share all he felt I needed to know to be able to take care of myself. As a result, I have raised my children with the same philosophy. I did not have the same urgency believing that I have more time but do we? My father passed away when I was 23 years old. To my amazement, he shared all the knowledge and skills that I needed to be completely self-sufficient at 23. Including caring for him during his terminal sickness and supporting my mother after his death. There is not a day in my life that I am not grateful for the gift of true freedom that my father gave me. He equipped me with the skills to have choices and live reaping the reward of great freedom. Choices give us freedom. My father was a great proponent of education and encouraged me to never stop learning. He always said that knowledge was the one thing that cannot be taken from you. Having experienced himself the communist regime of Cuba taking from everything he ever owned or valued. Thankfully, the regime did not take his family. I have never stopped learning although I was fortunate enough to have a university education, most of my current professional knowledge was self-taught and driven by the deep desire to equip my children with the same freedom that I have enjoyed and thrived with. Both of my children have learning differences that have required intentional, individualized and strategic instruction to bridge the skill gaps. We also found different pathways to the same destination. The only academic skills listed here are reading and research. Sometimes we can get lost in the rabbit hole of academics. When you look at this list you see that there are just so many skills that are not acquired in school. We must provide all children with the non-academic skills that are critical to their survival and thriving. Social-emotional learning encompasses a much larger portion of the skills required for thriving. Acquisition of knowledge is very important but more importantly, is the ability to apply and knowledge. With the daily evolving technology there are countless tools that make knowledge accessible. Education is not limited to the academic curriculum and academic institutions. Examine the scope of your child's instruction and confirm that it is diversified and broad encompassing social competency. As well as survival skills which are techniques that a person may use in order to sustain life in any type of natural environment or built environment.  My mother said I must always be intolerant of ignorance but understanding of illiteracy. That some people, unable to go to school, were more educated and more intelligent than college professors. Maya Angelou The cognitive skills prized by the American educational establishment and measured by achievement tests are only part of what is required for success in life. Character skills are equally important determinants of wages, education, health, and many other significant aspects of flourishing lives. James Heckman    

Flexible Parenting  Strategies    Welcome to the Different Skill Notebook! We have a very special guest today Paula Mancino. Paula is an extraordinary client, an amazing teacher, writer, editor, and supermom.  Her message today is as parents we need to have skills that our child needs to acquire and build. If we have the same weakness or fail to acknowledge our skill limits our parenting is hampered. One of the most effective teaching strategies is modeling. Paula, wants to share her strategies and processes to increase her son's cognitive flexibility.  Skill: Parent cognitive flexibility Some important factors to consider when teaching flexibility.  1. Flex with and for your child:  Being able to flex with my child who has learning differences has its challenges. He often may not hear what I say He often gets stuck on a preferred task or topic. It's like pulling teeth to get him unstuck and to transition to the next task I have control issues and if I'm tired, pressed for time and anxious I end up applying pressure which results in him resisting transition even more Why flex and keep calm?  What I have learned through much trial and error is no matter what the circumstances if I can keep my composure he gets unstuck/flexes much faster and is willing to move on to the next task If I cannot flex with his being stuck, now we both stay stuck, he digs his heels in and I yell.  Not a pretty situation and unless I reset my tone one of us meltdowns.  Strategies:  1. Be aware of whether you have your child's attention (eyes). Can they hear you and see you.  2. Set Timer: when my child is engrossed I set a timer to remind him to transition and it also allows him a minute to stop, get unstuck. It is very difficult for him to walk away from something unfinished.  Note wiring! By being aware that the lack of flexibility is rooted in a neurological difference and not defiance helps to manage the situation. Cognitive inflexibility is the inability to shift mindsets/transition and is frequently perceived as opposition.  3. Be aware of your frustration level and expectations.  Walk away if your frustration level is high.  If you are both in a situation where compromise is challenging its best to take a break. Adjust and edit your expectations. Expect the unexpected. And be open to that assignment may take longer than expected.  Embrace your child's weaknesses and strengths. Allow the room and time to work on the challenges. Do not dismiss or overlook the difficulty in completing the task or in the skill area. Some closing comments avoid: micromanaging and allow your child to create their own process. comparisons to other children and their performance will not help you or your child. thinking too far into the future and stay in the present paying attention to immediate priorities inconsistency since building skills requires consistent repetition.  Thank you for joining us on our different skill notebook podcast. 

Consistency in Parenting to Increase Learning!   Welcome to the different skill notebook podcast! Today we have a special guest Samantha Salver, LCSW. Samantha is one of the Social Mind Center fabulous team members she leads social groups, provides individual counseling, organized thinking coaching (executive function), and independent living coaching.  Our smart conversation today is on the importance of consistency in creating a fruitful social-emotional learning environment in your home. Consistency provides security, safety, and impacts how you connect with your child.  In this episode we discuss 3 strategies to increase consistency in your home: 1. Create routines 2. Schedule and plan 3. Identify and share expectations for your children as well as consequences for poor choices. Build on these strategies:  1. Incrementally implementing routines around your family's identity and needs.  2. Schedule and planning to provide structure and encourage self-regulation to increase productivity and independence. 3. Detail and outline behavioral expectations: set boundaries for building healthy relationships consequences for unexpected behaviors consistently manage your reactions to unexpected behavior as your modeling behavior explain the why for the poor choices and what alternative choices could be made in the future for similar situations example: "Your friend asked you to play, and you did your own thing instead, they felt ignored when you were playing, that was unexpected, it hurt your friend's feelings. What could do next time?.." We also discussed the importance of learning to edit expectations and manage hectic schedules. Simplifying schedules and commitments to leave room for play and rest. If you are a working parent you need to learn to say no to additional commitments because parenting is hard work and can be exhausting. Visit our parent equipping section at www.socialmindcenter.com/parent-equipping.

The Words to Express Your Thoughts, Ideas and Feelings Welcome to the different skill notebook an equipping tool teaching social-emotional learning. We will be focusing on the skill of building language. If I say to you please finish this statement I am ___________. How would you define yourself? However, you answered the question know that you are wonderfully made. Your child is wonderfully made. Say that to yourself I am wonderfully made. I wanted to start with this article a series of articles that focus on building language. Language refers to the words we use and how we use them to share ideas and get what we want. What words mean. How to make new words. How to put words together. What we should say at different times. Skill: Learning the words to describe oneself. The language to develop self-awareness. Strategy: Providing your child with the words to describe their character traits to proactively build a positive self-image. You want your child to have the words to describe themselves in a positive manner. The words that identify their character, personality, nature, temperament, qualities, and overall makeup. Within these character traits there are strengths and weaknesses. Even weaknesses can be positively identified as those qualities that everyone has and must manage, so they do not overpower strengths. It is just as important to identify our weaknesses as our strengths. We can not improve or change what we are unaware of. Knowing ourselves and understanding our needs are critical for healthy living. When my children were in early elementary school this was an incredibly important skill to me. I did not want my children to be defined by others. I wanted them to be able to describe themselves and define themselves. I did not want them to build a self-image based on the perception of others. With both of my kids having learning differences and many challenges I never wanted them to think that they were just the sum of their weaknesses. I wanted them to know and understand the learning differences and learn to help themselves. Language is required for understanding. I wanted both of my kids to know that they were wonderfully and purposefully made. And that their different mind would be misunderstood but this misunderstanding was not going to determine the outcome of their future. They were going to have some barriers and hurdles to jump because the educational system is not equipped to manage neurodiversity YET. A child should never be seen as a sum of their weaknesses. In our home we are very transparent about our strengths and weaknesses. I always share my struggles with building healthy habits such as productivity, exercising, and healthy eating. Especially now that I have teens as they are exposed to such unwise and unhealthy lifestyles and misinformation in social media. We are frequently discussing healthy habits vs. unhealthy habits. The choices that lead us to learn, grow, and self-improve. We want our children to better themselves, have balance and lead healthy, productive lives. As parents and educators, we are facing the enormous amount of negative and misinformation that youth is exposed to on a daily basis whether from peers or technology. Providing them with an alternative narrative (language) to express themselves in an encouraging, empowering, and positive manner is paramount. Build: Language to build self-awareness is the starting is to be able to identify their character traits. Also identifying strengths, weaknesses and how they impact daily life. Intentional instruction to leverage their strengths to manage and minimize their weaknesses. We want to encourage our children to identify what distinguishes them from others. What is their original makeup? First, provide the words, definitions, and examples of their character traits. How would you and how would they describe themselves as an individual? There were various definitions for character traits but this was my favorite. We want to encourage our children to identify what distinguishes them from others. What is their original makeup? character trait: the strength and originality in a person's nature. The above list is one many that I found online when searching for character traits wording. I would lead this process by identifying the positive qualities. And leave the addressing the weaknesses when there is an understanding and acceptance of strengths. You may find that your child may have a poor self-image and in that case, we want to work on overcoming that perception. And investigating how they arrived at that perception. We will have a separate article to discuss presenting strengths and weaknesses in an encouraging manner. What we believe about ourselves is so important. You want your child to have the words to build their story. The story you tell yourself drives your future. We are all originals and we need to help our children build their own brand because they are like no one else. Ana Anselma Please visit our website www.socialmindcenter.com  

  FLEX  OR  STRESS!   Welcome! to the different skill notebook! We are continuing with our series on executive function skills focusing on cognitive flexibility. This is such an important skill during this time of continual change. Change can bring on stress, especially when we are not leading the changes. That being said, adaptability is essential right now in order for us to be fruitful during these unpredictable times. Today I want to discuss how inflexibility leads to higher levels of stress, mental and physical. The different skill notebook is an equipping tool for the whole family. Smarter living and parenting leads to healthier, happier, and thriving family environments and interactions. In previous articles, we have discussed increasing the flexibility of our children. This article is geared more so towards your role as the parent and your ability to flex. We have been discussing for the last month the skill cognitive flexibility. Thinking flexibly requires: mental ability to move from one situation to another and adapting to respond appropriately to the situation mental ability to switch between thinking about two different concepts, and think about multiple concepts simultaneously mental ability to shift attention to another task Flexibility requires moving, shifting, switching! How easy it for you? It's easy for me because I have had allot of practice in my personal and professional life. With having to adjust to circumstances out of my control. I realized that the more rigid or stuck I was on a certain perspective or expectation, the more stressful it was. Not just for me, but for all those in my inner circle. When we are set on an expectation and things to do not turn out as expected, this can cause a great amount of stress and disappointment and can lead to an angry reaction. We are living in a time where constant change is the greater probability, and we are all required to adjust our plans. Remaining open to the possibility of adjustment to change may take the pressure off.   1. Edit expectations The reason why you're always stressed is because you expect this moment to be something that it's not. You just stop and you accept this moment for what it is. Just breathe right now into that moment and it takes the anxiety and the pressure away of wanting this moment to be something that it is not. Just this moment, one moment at a time. It is a process. It is not just one thing. You don't wake up one morning and you suddenly have it all together. Oprah Winfrey What I love the most about his quote is “one moment at a time”. In my daily conversations with parents , they often get caught up discussing their child's future and can often overlook important steps in the present. We can easily get ahead of ourselves and consume our thoughts with the future when we are in the present. Our stress and unnecessary expectations trickle down to our children. We pass on our stress to them. In showing our kids our ability to be flexible we are emulating for them a healthy model of expectations. Due to both of my kids' learning differences I intentionally stayed in the present- meaning I stayed focus. Consider can I edit expectation by adjusting : profile: adjust to match your child's learning style pace: can we go a bit slower postpone or change timing: maybe a later date partition: break up project in small pieces process alternative: can be done differently 2. Unplug From Technology, (phone, tv, radio and podcasts) and expectations of peers. Do real life, things that you can touch, feel and experience. Unplug from opinions. We are way too connected to technology and what we hear and see we have absorb. This information impacts our emotions and perspectives. We need to be mindful of what we are watching and hearing. Unplugging means shifting gears to another thought process. Also, reminding myself that other parents opinions on how parenting should be done are just that opinions. Every child is different and so is every family. You must find the tools and strategies that work for your family. These are some practical ideas that I have been intentionally working on. Leaving my phone in the bedroom during different times of the day and not checking it for up to an hour. Sitting outside in the yard for 30minutes just getting some fresh air Short brisk walk or walking my dog Cooking together my kids Coffee break (just sip my coffee) Sitting still and in silence for 10 to 15 minutes Art or doodling Gardening Journaling dumping your thoughts on paper 3. Play Not everyone plays the same way. But just know what important benefits plays does for our bodies, minds, and hearts. Laughter releases endorphins which are scientifically proven to relieve stress. Bonds people Helps us learn about one another-their likes and dislikes Could be as simple as telling jokes Listening to music/dancing  Arts and crafts...often we can relive our childlike joys doing something artsy with our kids Gardening Scavenger hunts inside or outside... Family hide and seek Dance party - play some music and dance There are no limits really to the fun one can have when they give themselves permission to play, relax, unwind, and allow joy to fill us. This helps tremendously to separate from the mental clutter in our minds. It also helps us to sleep better. Making us better fortify and recharged to face the next day, being flexible.            

Learning Spaces & Schedules   This academic school year is so uncertain for so many families. In the past two weeks, I have spoken to several parents that are struggling to make a decision regarding schooling this Fall. My advice is to prepare the aspects that are within your control such as preparing your home for back to school. Focus on setting up an encouraging and supportive learning environment in your home. There is the preparation that can be started whether your child will return to the classroom or will be home learning. This preparation will set a positive and motivating tone and will give you a sense of control in an unpredictable time. Involve your child so that they can start to prepare themselves by creating their learning space at home. The space should be clear, simple, comfortable, natural lighting, and more than one seating option. Simple may take some thought and planning. In my visits to classrooms for behavioral observations, I am overwhelmed by the amount of print on the walls, furniture, and excessive amounts of stuff everywhere. We should take this opportunity to examine and revisit our processes. Can all this clutter cloud the child's thought process? Let me give you a visual. "First we'll bombard you with what educators call a print-rich environment, every wall and surface festooned with a vertiginous array of labels, vocabulary list, calendars, graphs, classroom rules, alphabet lists, number charts, and inspirational platitudes - few of those symbols you will be able to decode, a favorite buzzword for what used to be known as reading" Resource: Bennett, Colette. "Stop Classroom Clutter." ThoughtCo, Feb. 11, 2020, thoughtco.com/decorating-your-classroom-4077035. Think empty space with minimal supplies, tools, and books. The space should have comfortable seating where the child has feet grounded. There are several seating options that allow for movement increasing focus. Once you have established a simple and comfortable space there should be a dry erase board or tool where a schedule is visible for the child. A schedule is the second most important tool in a learning space. Children and teens tend to always have an agenda in mind that is not typically aligned what the expectations of their parent or teacher. Often my recommendations for implementing a schedule and adhering to a routine can seem simplistic and parent's question of how can it be the solution to a child's challenges with focus, impulsivity, forgetfulness, and inflexibility. Here are some reasons why a schedule helps so much: Schedules target specific skill gaps as follows: Focus requires prompting and redirection when distracted: the child can look to schedule to get back on track Impulsivity requires boundaries, structure, order, and minimal temptations in surroundings: The schedule provides assigned times and tasks to assist with getting started. Scheduling specific breaks with movement to address impulsivity Scheduling break where a child can do a preferred or fun activity Forgetfulness requires reminders: redirecting the child to review the schedule to see the next task Inflexibility requires advance notice and visual redirection: visual notice of what to expect next encourages flexibility Home learning schedules should be more efficient allowing for more flexibility in timing and instruction. The ultimate goal of having a schedule is to promote independence and self-sufficiency. Scheduling is modeling and supporting the child in self-directing their home learning day. Thank you for listening. Please visit www.socialmindcenter.com/parent-connection-1 for more different skill notebook pages.     

Cognitive Flexibility: Flexing your Brain to Learn    Welcome to the different skill notebook podcast! These are different times requiring different tools and skills.  In this episode, we will define cognitive flexibility an executive function skill that allows one to move freely from one situation to another and to think flexibly in order to respond appropriately to the situation.  helps us to sustain or shift attention in response to different demands or to apply different rules in different settings I cannot think of a more important skill in this current time.  Where different demands arise frequently and quickly.  Skill limitation in flexibility will considerably impact a child's overall success across environments. Story:  Adam is a client who is intelligent, eloquent, and technology savvy. He can really captivate the attention of peers with his technological knowledge and gaming success. When a peer or peers would like to move on to another activity or topic of conversation there is an exaggerated reaction from Adam.  This makes Adam appear to his peers as very controlling and bossy. This discourages peers from engaging Adam.  Adam is always on his own agenda and has now been taught to transition with peers more frequently and with ease. It is difficult for him to change gears but not impossible. The more opportunities and practice the easier it will be to shift gears.  Shifting the agenda is something that has to be continuously and repetitively introduced. An important strategy to implement is to limit the amount of time that Adam spends on his preferred activity in order to expand his interests and expose him to new activities that he can share with his peers. It is important to expose to other peer interests this gives advance notice and prepares the child to receive an invitation to participate in a different activity. This is why increasing flexibility requires the continual introduction of different perspectives and activities.  Also noting that the preferred activity can evolve into a career opportunity so the limiting of time spent in this preferred area should be to encourage exposure to other activities and experiences. The preferred activity is a source of escape for Adam from the challenges that experience daily as a result of his different kind of mind.   Thank you for listening please visit us at www.socialmindcenter.com for more different skill notebook pages.   

Self-Control Skills   When there is a skill weakness in the executive function skill category it impacts learning and overall ability to achieve goals. It is important to identify in which skills group in this category is impacted in order to have a targeted equipping. Typically executive function skills are viewed as organizational and planning abilities. This skill group encompasses several mental processes that impact overall learning and social competency and is not limited to just organization and planning. We will define this skill group in detail.  In the process this will expand your understanding and assist you in improving you skill set in this area.  Cognitive (Self) Control "Executive Function" to Build Executive Function is a set of mental processes that have to do with managing oneself and one's resources in order to achieve a goal and involves mental control and self-regulation (Jericho, 2012); Working memory: holding information in mind while performing tasks Cognitive flexibility: to move freely from one situation to another and to think flexibly in order to respond appropriately to the situation (adapt) helps us to sustain or shift attention in response to different demands or to apply different rules in different settings Inhibitory control (includes self-control)  the ability to stop one's own behavior at the appropriate time, including stopping actions and thoughts enables us to set priorities and resist impulsive actions or responses Executive skills resulting from the above three processes (Rodden, 2020) : attention/focus: is sustained attention is the ability to maintain attention despite distractibility, fatigue or boredom abstract reasoning/concept formation/saliency determination: the ability to make connections, synthesize and categorize information. emotional regulation/control is the process of recognizing and controlling feelings or reactions to feelings (ability to modulate emotional responses by bringing rational thought to bear on feelings) self-monitoring is the ability to monitor and evaluate your own performance and to measure it against some standard of what is needed or expected task initiation is the ability to recognize when to get started on something and begin without procrastinating organization is the ability to create and maintain systems to keep track information and materials planning/prioritizing the ability to create steps to reach a goal and to make decisions about what to focus Thank you for listening please visit us at www.socialmindcenter.com for different skill notebook pages.  Work Cited Rodden, Janice. What is Executive Function Disorder? Additudemag. May 11, 2020; https://www.additudemag.com/what-is-executive-function-disorder- Jericho Schools. August, 2012. Executive Functioning: A Handbook for Grades K-12; http://www.jerichoschools.org/

What is the different skill notebook?    Thinking back to when you were in high school or college did you have a classmate that took amazing notes. They loved their notes and took so much time to make the notes look like work of art. Interestingly enough there are several blogs on tumbler on journaling.  Where individuals share their amazing journals and lists. The different skill notebook is my notebook with my notes from the last 15 years detailing a skill map to adaptability and self-sufficiency.   My name is Ana Anselma I am the owner and co-founder of the Social Mind Center in Davie, Florida. We want to invite you to our Center's family room. Our Center has an amazing family room with a coffee bar. We want you to join the smart conversations we have in our family room. So grab a cup of coffee listen for a brief 10-15 minutes more often under 10 minutes and get some smart notes.  You learn about the social competency skills that lead to adaptability and social competency. Adaptability is the most valued skill by employers and now in the age of COVID adaptability will be an even more vital skill. I will share my family's story with ASD and the stories of hundreds of families that have been part of our Center. The skill groups we will explore are: Social Language:  words to use in different situations using language for different purposes changing language per needs of listener and situation rules of conversation and storytelling  Social Cognition: mental processes in perceiving, attending, remembering, think about and making sense of people in the social world (Moscowitz, 2005). Attention Theory of Mind -attribute mental states, beliefs, intents, desires and emotions, knowledge to oneself and others, and to other understand that others have beliefs, desires, intentions and perspectives that are different from one's own Emotional Competence: refers to essential social skills to recognize, interpret, and respond constructively to emotions of yourself and others Executive Function "Cognitive Control" is a set of mental processes that have to do with managing oneself and one's resources in order to achieve a goal and involves mental control and self-regulation (Jericho, 2012) Working memory Cognitive flexibility Inhibitory control/ impulse control attention/focus emotional regulation/ control self-monitoring task initiation  organization planning and prioritizing Thank you for listening please visit us www.socialmindcenter.com for more different skill notebook pages.