Getting Married Multiculturally

Charis and Manesh shared their love for each other’s culture and how they managed to embrace both. They talked about how they were able to enjoy both wedding traditions while adding a little personal touch to it. Connect with Mahesh and Charis Naidu: YouTube: I Am Naidu Instagram: @i_am_naidu_007 Facebook: iamnaidu007 Blog: Wanderlust Naidu Tiktok: @i_am_naidu *** Show Notes: https://editvasadi.com/indian-american-wedding-naidu Podcast website: http://podcast.editvasadi.com GMM Community: http://community.gettingmarriedmulticulturally.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@i_am_naidu

We have a ton to talk about in today's episode. From long distance relationships, to moving in together in a foreign country. My very first interracial couple, Chery and Nathan share their experience about learning each others languages, habits, cultural differences, and how important it is to have the same goals in life.  “We get looks sometimes, but as I always say - it’s because we are good looking!” - @cheryandnathan Connect with Chery and Nathan: Website: https://www.cheryandnathan.com/ Blog: https://www.cheryandnathan.com/blogs Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheryandnathan/ Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/cheryandnathan/ Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1016857095329976/ *** Show Notes: editvasadi.com/interracial-relationship-cheryandnathan Podcast website: podcast.editvasadi.com GMM Community: community.gettingmarriedmulticulturally.com Instagram: @editvasadi Grab Ten LDR Wallpaper Quotes: editvasadi.com/ldr-wallpaper-quotes

Today is Juneteenth. The day when African Americans celebrate their freedom in the United States! Commemoration of the ending of slavery in this country.  And here we are more than 150 years later still fighting against racism! As protesters begin marching in the streets, people all over the world are starting to speak up against racism. In this episode I’m sharing my thoughts and feelings with you. I’m a white European woman, living in American for 12 years. Yes, I do have white privilege. But I also carry pain for being judged for who and what I am. African Americans, Black people all over the world! I’m here listening to your struggles. I feel hope for you! You are welcomed to this podcast to share your story, to speak up, and to educate others. My promise is to share and feature even more African Americans and interracial couples during this difficult time. I continue being open minded to understand you better.  *** Apply here to be my guest: podcast.editvasadi.com Join our community: Getting Married Multiculturally Community DM me on Instagram: @editvasadi

A great conversation with California based cross-cultural wedding planner, Michelle. We talk all about how the Covid-19 pandemic is affecting multicultural couples who want to get married. And more importantly what do they need to look for after the Coronavirus restrictions are over and weddings are allowed.  Show Notes: https://editvasadi.com/coronavirus-wedding-planning-michelle-isabel *** Connect with Michelle: Website: https://www.michelleisabel.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelleisabel_/ Blog: https://www.michelleisabel.com/journal Blog posts mentioned: https://www.michelleisabel.com/journal/cancel-wedding-and-events-coronavirus https://www.michelleisabel.com/journal/navigating-your-wedding-planning-options-around-coronavirus *** Podcast website: http://podcast.editvasadi.com/ GMM Community: http://community.gettingmarriedmulticulturally.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

Nadia, from Kuwait, wanted to have the perfect wedding with her Lebanese partner in beautiful Italy. But their dreams fell apart as the Coronavirus came about, so they decided to get married at home. *** Connect with Nadia: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamnadiaahmad Loyac Lebanon: http://www.loyaclebanon.org/ *** Share your Quarantine Wedding Story with us: http://stayhomeproject.com/ *** Show Notes: https://editvasadi.com/quarantine-wedding-nadia GMM Community: http://community.gettingmarriedmulticulturally.com/ GMM Website: http://podcast.editvasadi.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

Anastasija and Josh were supposed to get married in Vancouver on April 3rd in front of 135 guests. But after restrictions were put on the city, and considering their loved ones safety, they decided to cancel the wedding and have an intimate ceremony in his parents living room. Only their immediate family was allowed in the house, but little did they know, there was a huge surprise waiting for them outside. *** Connect with Anastasija and Josh: Anastasija’s Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/napanasova John's Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joshwdavis13 Anastasija’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anastasija.davis/ Josh’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joshwdavis/ *** Did you have a Quarantine Wedding? Share your story with us: http://stayhomeproject.com/ *** Show Notes: https://editvasadi.com/quarantine-wedding-anastasija-josh GMM Community: http://community.gettingmarriedmulticulturally.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/ http://podcast.editvasadi.com/

*Intro about my current Coronavirus experience* I’m so excited to share with you Aveena and Alissa’s American-Indian wedding story, and the journey of their relationship. They are not only a multicultural couple, but these ladies had to stand up for their love in front of so many people who were against their relationship.  Aveena’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aveenamathew/ Events planners: Bright Events https://brightevents.co/ Photographer: Carley Jayne Photography https://www.carleyjaynephotography.com/ Articles of Aveena and Alissa’s story: Dancing With Her Equally Wed H&H Weddings Dating App: Bumble https://bumble.com/ *** Show Notes: editvasadi.com/American-Indian-Wedding-Aveena-Alissa GMM community: community.gettingmarriedmulticulturally.com Instagram: @editvasadi

I got inspired by Valentine’s Day and wanted to talk about how we, in a multicultural relationship like to date each other. But I had to realize that there isn't much of a difference between cultures and nationalities when it comes to expressing our love to one another.  However, discovering your partner's love language is way more fun and interesting.  In this episode I’m talking about how people around the World celebrate love. I’m sharing ideas to express your feelings with the 5 love languages, and some dating tips for couples in long distance relationship. *** Grab your special gift and 5$ coupon code from Dating Divas here. Book recommendation: “5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman *** Show notes: editvasadi.com/multicultural-dating GMM community: community.gettingmarriedmulticulturally.com INSTAGRAM: @editvasadi

In this episode, Ágnes from Seattle shares her Hungarian-Chinese wedding and all the beautiful ways she was able to blend the two cultures together.  I was so excited to interview my very first Hungarian guest and chat about her long distance relationship, raising trilingual children, accepting cultural differences and misunderstandings with Chinese in-laws, finding similarities and connections between western and Asian culture, and her Hungarian folk art jewelry business, “A-Mia Handcrafted”. *** Show notes: editvasadi.com/hungarian-chinese-wedding-agnes *** Connect with Ágnes: Website: www.a-mia.com Instagram: @amia.handcrafted *** GMM Community: community.gettingmarriedmulticulturally.com Instagram: @editvasadi

Karen talks about her challenges when it comes to finding elements of wedding traditions that are not religious. Between her husband’s Italian-Tunisian roots, Jewish religion, and her Latin culture, it was really difficult to incorporate some things that are important, but don’t quite fit their beliefs or vision.  *** Show Notes: https://editvasadi.com/jewish-latin-wedding-karen Connect with Karen: https://www.instagram.com/kacy1029/ Bridechilla community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/bridechillacommunity/ GMM community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

The wedding planning can get overwhelming when you are inviting people from all over the world, while trying to communicate in different languages, explaining a variety of cultural traditions, becoming a tour guide, and food expert. So why not put all of this information on a website and direct your guests to it? I've played around in my favorite platform, Zola and collected a bunch of ideas that will help you set up a multicultural wedding website. Press play! *** Shownotes: https://editvasadi.com/multicultural-wedding-website/ GMM community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/ Sponzor: ZOLA Grab your Wedding Website Checklist: https://editvasadi.com/weddingwebsitechecklist Episode 32: Introducing that unknown culture on your wedding day Episode 16: Gift giving traditions in Multicultural Weddings Bilingual Wedding Invitations: https://editvasadi.com/bilingualwedding/

Naira Bonilla shares the story of how she met her Egyptian husband in her home country, Colombia, and about their multicultural wedding in Cairo, Egypt.  Two very different cultures, and I loved listening to how she blended the Latin and Egyptian music together, since for her that was the most important part of the event. Naira spiced up her wedding with the Latin American tradition called “La Hora Loca”. She also ended up wearing a very unexpected accessory that some people may consider as a curse or bad luck, but Naira turned it into a blessing and positivity.  And if you are planning a destination wedding, make sure you listen to this episode, because Naira will be sharing some of the logistical side of the planning and also how she did everything with the help of her mother-in-law and a wedding planner. Who, by the way, had a completely different style than her. *** Show Notes: https://editvasadi.com/colombian-egyptian-wedding-naira/ *** Connect with Naira Bonilla: Instagram: @traversing_life Amor Diverso Podcast: @amordiversopodcast *** GMM community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

Friends from all over the World! Which holiday are you celebrating? Christmas? Diwali? Eid? Hanukkah? Chinese New Year? Kwanzaa? … Or I should say HOLIDAYS! Because multicultural people don’t just celebrate one holiday, right? No matter which holiday you celebrate, in the end it’s about spending time with family. And eating good food! I invited 7 amazing guests from different cultures to talk about holiday celebrations from all over the World: First you will hear from Mary, who is Canadian Chinese talking about her experience living in a country that mainly celebrates Christmas. As somebody who grew up in a Chinese culture celebrating Chinese New Years Eve, instead of Christmas, she feels pretty confident to teach her daughter that just because everybody else is does something, doesn’t mean that you have to follow! *** Show Notes: https://editvasadi.com/multicultural-holiday-celebrations *** Connect with Mary: Website: www.organizedsound.ca Instagram: @organizedsoundproductions Podcast: The Homestay Kitchen Podcast Instagram: @homestaykitchen My second guest (or guests I should say) are Charis and Mahesh, an Indian-American couple, talking about their Christmas and Diwali celebration. Connect with Charis and Mahesh: YouTube channel: I Am Naidu YouTube video about Diwali: What is Diwali Instagram: @i_am_naidu_007 Facebook: facebook.com/iamnaidu007 After them I have Lolitta who is originally from Uzbekistan. She spent 4 years in Israel before moving to the States, so I invited her to talk about the Jewish holiday, Hanukkah. She is also sharing a little bit about the New Year celebration in Russia. Connect with Lolitta: Instagram: @hairwithloveby_lolitta After Lolitta you can listen Petronella’s story about her journey from Uganda to the United States, and how the constant moving shaped the way her family celebrated Christmas. Connect with Petronella: Website: www.ypetronella.com Instagram: @petronellaphotography Podcast: I Am Multicultural Podcast Podcast Instagram: @iammulticultural My next guest is going to be Nivi, who was born in South India, but moved to America when she was only a year old. Nivi is going to tell us about the holidays she grew up celebrating and how they transformed over the years. Connect with Nivi: Website: www.soapboxproject.org Instagram: @soapboxproject Podcast: Get Schooled  Then you will hear from Aneesa (also known as ‘expat panda’) who is from South Africa currently living in the Middle East. I invited her to talk about Eid and her journey celebrating different holidays with her Christian partner. Connect with Aneesa: Blog: expatpanda.com Instagram: @expatpanda My last, but not least guest is going to be Diana from Romania. She is one of my friends here in Arizona. Diana will be sharing her orthodox Christmas traditions and how she adopted some of the American holidays. Connect with Diana: Website: www.makeupbydiana.com Instagram: @diangelmakeup Facebook: facebook.com/arizonaweddingmakeup *** Last year I shared our Hungarian-American Christmas traditions, feel free to check it out if you are interested. (Episode 9.) *** GMM community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

I had such a great conversation with Kate and Val about how finances affect you emotionally, and how it can form your relationships. Because in a multicultural marriage we come from a variety of backgrounds. We were raised differently, or lived in a country with different level of lifestyle or attitude toward financials. Kate and Val are also in an intercultural marriage, and I’ll let them tell you more about why they’ve decided to help multicultural couples manage their money. *** Connect with Kate and Val: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kateandval/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KATEandVAL/ Family Business Strategies Summit (Dec. 12-14): https://www.ourmodernheritage.com/summit-registration33599427 Teach your little ones about money E-Book: https://www.kateandvalfavstov.com/optin-parents-guide Free Masterclass: 3 pillars to live a debt-free life *** SHOW NOTES: https://editvasadi.com/multicultural-couples-finances *** GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

Many couples get engaged in December, and I think we can ‘blame’ all the romantic festivities and family gatherings for that. If you are one of these lovebirds; hoping to get the ring, or nervously planning to pop the question, this episode is for you! I invited an Arizona based wedding and proposal planner, Allison Whitaker, from ‘The One Occasion’ to chat with me and help us prepare for this important moment. We talked about...  -should you pop the question privately or publicly?  -ideas for a Christmas or New Years Even proposal. -how to respect your partner’s culture when asking for marriage? -what to do after she or he says I DO? ...and more! *** Show Notes: https://editvasadi.com/holiday-engagement-allison *** Connect with Allison Whitaker: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theoneoccasion/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theoneoccasion/ Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/theoneoccasion/ Website: https://www.theoneoccasion.com/ *** GMM Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

When you listen to Rachel and Vidur speak about their Indian-American wedding, you will notice how effortless and important it is for them to communicate and check in with each other on every little detail. It was definitely a team effort, which you don’t get to see very often. No wonder they both wanted to be part of this conversation and share what they learned from planning a multicultural wedding.  From equally balancing out the traditions, guest list, and smallest details, to accepting the sacrifices they had to make. Even her dress was the perfect blend of the two cultures. *** Show Notes: https://editvasadi.com/indian-american-wedding-rachel-vidur *** Connect with Rachel and Vidur: Rachel’s Instagram: @rachmillmod Wedding Album: Miller-Moudgil Wedding  Vidur’s Instagram: @vid_mod Vidur’s Linkedin: Vidur Moudgil *** GMM Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

Camilla and I have so much in common as we both have a multicultural family, are raising bilingual children, and have a passion for helping others who move to a new country. Her commitment as a certified life and relationship coach is to help women who moved abroad for love, and to live a fulfilled life. “With the right attitude and mindset I think you can really make it work.” - Camilla Quintana *** Show Notes: https://editvasadi.com/living-abroad-camilla-quintana *** Get in contact with Camilla: Website: camillaquintana.com Instagram: @coach.camillaquintana Facebook: camilla quintana TV Show Camilla mentioned: The O.C. -Set’s Christmukkah Speech *** Free Resource: Multicultural Couples Checklist *** GMM Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

Today is November 17th, and that’s the day when I arrived to America. Exactly eleven years ago! I landed in Seattle and was on my way to reunite with my then fiancee, Adam, so we can start our life in Kennewick, Washington. But things went wrong at the border and I decided to cancel our wedding. I never shared this story before, because I was scared and worried. However, I had to realize that there are so many of you out there that could benefit and learn from my experience. So when Kelli form Love Beyond Borders Podcast invited me to her show, I was so excited and decided that it was a perfect place to share my immigration journey. Love Beyond Borders Podcast shares stories of couples affected by the American immigration system, families who are going through this complex process, and it gives useful information about different visa processes as well. This is a special bonus episode celebrating my AMERICAVERSARY, and it was originally aired on the Love Beyond Borders Podcast. If you want to know a little bit more about my arrival to America, or if you are filing for the ESTA program -with the goal to get married and live in this country- hit play!  *** Connect with Kelli on Instagram: @kelli.fm Listen to the Love Beyond Borders Podcast: LOVE BEYOND BORDERS ON ITUNES  *** Show notes: https://editvasadi.com/my-immigration-to-america GMM Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

Today I have Leah with me, who is going to share her Jamaican-Guyanese-American-Canadian Wedding. Yes, she added traditions from all of these nationalities! And beside the cultural traditions she put so much effort into adding personal meanings, small details and family heirlooms into their wedding day. But at the same time, she didn’t get disappointed when something didn’t go the way they have planned. I think that no matter which country you are from, you’ll find some great ideas in our conversation. I definitely did! *** Show Notes: https://editvasadi.com/jamaican-guyanese-canadian-american-wedding-leah/ *** Connect with Leah: Wedding Website: thesweedestthing.com Wedding Instagram: @thesweedestthing Leah’s Instagram: @misslocs *** GMM Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

This is the second part of my conversation with wedding celebrant, Carly Petracco. I love Carly’s advice on making sure to focus on the feelings when it comes to making the ceremony more engaging. “Language is such an important way to make your wedding inclusive. It’s how we express ourselves in the most basic way. If your ceremony has a lot of love, laughter and happiness; but people don’t know what’s going on for a few minutes, that’s ok.”⁠ In this episode Carly and I chat about: How to have bilingual ceremonies where the guests can feel included. How to write your personalized vows. What questions to ask from your celebrant. How to prepare for your wedding, if you are not hiring a celebrant. Advice for same sex-couples. Destination weddings. For which couples are elopement weddings right. Carly is sharing some of her favorite multicultural wedding stories, which is my favorite part of our conversation! So let’s get into it! *** Part 1 of our conversation: https://editvasadi.com/multicultural-ceremonies-carly/ *** Connect with Carly: Website: https://youreuropeanweddingcelebrant.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/yourweddingcelebrant/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/youreuropeanweddingcelebrant/ Udemy courses: https://www.udemy.com/course/how-to-write-your-perfect-wedding-speech/ https://www.udemy.com/course/how-to-write-your-perfect-wedding-vows/ *** SHOW NOTES: http://editvasadi.com/bilingual-ceremonies-carly GMM: https://www.gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ GMM INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

Can you believe we hit the one year mark here at the Getting Married Multiculturally Podcast?! Woohoo!  Come and celebrate with me as I share a gift and a fun giveaway with you! Plus listen to my interview I had on the Borderless Stories with KC, where I talk about my life story and intercultural marriage. Thank you so much for being part of the GMM podcast community, regardless if you are new to the show, (there is a lot of binge listening to do!), you are a long time follower, or somebody who tunes in occasionally! *** Get your free Multicultural Planner Stickers and enter to win a “Love has no borders” Miniature Bottle: https://editvasadi.com/multiculturalstickers *** Borderless Stories Podcast: https://www.borderlessstories.com/podcast/ Borderless Stories Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/borderlesskc/ *** GMM SHOP: http://shop.editvasadi.com/ GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/ SHOW NOTES: https://editvasadi.com/borderless-stories-podcast

I’m so excited to introduce you to Carly Petracco, who is an American wedding celebrant and founder of the Your European Wedding Celebrant, based in Portugal. In this episode she shares her journey traveling and moving to different countries, and how she had three weddings with her Portuguese husband. Carly talks about: What was her biggest culture shock when learning about different cultural wedding traditions and rituals? How does she help intercultural couples create their personalized wedding ceremony that’s not dry, boring, too long and overly formal? What do wedding celebrants do beside marrying couples and creating personalized wedding ceremonies? What’s the best way to blend (or in her own words, bring together) different cultural traditions together? Should couples have two separate ceremonies, or one blended? Differences between legal and symbolic wedding ceremonies. Family dynamics and expectations. And how to start your intercultural marriage in the right way? Carly really helped me understand that in the end, it is really about what you believe in. Religious, legal or symbolic ceremony. It doesn’t matter! “Yes, marriage is a contract between two people, but I think you can also approach it in a much more beautiful way. And I think you just have a lot more flexibility when doing a symbolic wedding ceremony.” Carly is very much involved in helping couples who want a personalized wedding ceremony that is really is about the two of them, so she created a few courses that teaches couples to write their wedding vows and speeches. “How amazing is this job!? People who I've never met are sitting down with me to share incredibly intimate personal stories about themselves and about their love. They're asking me to then be a part of one of the most intimate rituals that we have as a culture, as a people, as a species. That was the moment when I said, okay this is what I want to do! This sort of intimacy is something that I really cherish. It’s a big honor and a responsibility that couples invite me to be part of their day. And I do everything I can to honor that trust.” *** Part 2 of our conversation:https://editvasadi.com/bilingual-ceremonies-carly/ *** Connect with Carly: Website: https://youreuropeanweddingcelebrant.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/yourweddingcelebrant/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/youreuropeanweddingcelebrant/ Udemy courses: https://www.udemy.com/course/how-to-write-your-perfect-wedding-speech/ https://www.udemy.com/course/how-to-write-your-perfect-wedding-vows/ *** SHOW NOTES:https://editvasadi.com/multicultural-ceremonies-carly/ GMM: https://www.gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ GMM INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

Marcela is from Mexico, and she lives in Texas with her American husband, Brian. They had a blended Mexican-American wedding, spiced up with some Game of Thrones and Harry Potter themes. *** SHOW NOTES:https://editvasadi.com/mexican-american-wedding-marcela Bridechilla Grads FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/chillagrads/ Marcela's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marcela_j_allen/ Join the community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ GMM Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

In this episode I have some exciting news about the GMM podcast, plus sharing four reasons why Adam and I love to travel together. Tune it! Blog Post: https://editvasadi.com/traveling-connects-us

After talking about my personal story in part 1, in this episode I’m sharing 13 tips on what to do when we start to feel isolated in a foreign country. After all, why would we even get lonely?! *** If you feel isolated, join our FB group and let’s chat: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ SHOW NOTES: http://editvasadi.com/feeling-isolated-abroad INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/ *** Resources mentioned: - "The Moving Abroad Blues: Can It Cause Depression?" by Harley Therapy Counseling Blog: https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/moving-abroad-cause-depression.htm -"The Expat Blues: Coping with the Loneliness of an Overseas Move" by Making Here Home: https://makingherehome.com/2017/09/26/expat-blues/

Everything was amazing in the beginning when I moved to America. We were so happy to finally be together, and I got familiar with the place pretty quickly. But shortly after we got into our everyday routines, I started to feel disconnected from my husband, and isolated from my new environment. I was struggling to fit in. *** If you feel isolated, join our FB group and let’s chat: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ SHOW NOTES: http://editvasadi.com/feeling-isolated-abroad INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

You should not waste your time taking curated pictures, spend it with your loved ones! I’m here to convince you to find a wedding photographer who will capture those real, unexpected and imperfect moments. Somebody who is focusing on documenting this day, instead of staging and creating fake memories. Some of the moments I've captured: Documentary Experience *** Bridechilla article: How to make your wedding day not about photography. *** Grab your “6 tips to better document your wedding day” free E-book: https://editvasadi.com/documentyourwedding *** SHOW NOTES: http://editvasadi.com/not-photo-shoot-wedding GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/ *** SPONSOR: Artifact Uprising

“Should everything always be amazing, perfect and bubbly when you are together with your family 24/7 for weeks?!” This summer I spent 5 weeks visiting my family in Europe. We did a lot of traveling together and made a ton of memories. It was -by far- my longest stay, and by the end of it the question I’ve wrote above popped in my head. What happens when you are compressing a year worth of time with your loved ones in just a couple of weeks? How does it feel to move in with your parents for a month and a half? Is it possible to enjoy a vacation with different generations? This podcast episode is a bit different than the others. I’ve recorded it during my vacation in Croatia, and I sure had a lot to say about the ups and downs of vacationing with your long distance relationship family. A little bit of guilt, frustration, and a lot of love!  *** Watch video:http://bit.ly/EditVasadiYouTube SHOW NOTES: https://editvasadi.com/LDR-family-vacation GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

Most of us had to learn or adopt other languages during our intercultural relationship, so let’s not forget this important piece, when it comes to wedding planning. We want to make sure everybody feels included and understands what’s going on. Right?! In this episode I’m sharing some ideas to incorporate different languages into your multicultural wedding. Enjoy! *** Get your bilingual wedding invitation discount code: https://editvasadi.com/bilingualwedding SHOW NOTES: https://editvasadi.com/multilingual-wedding GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/ SPONSOR: http://shop.editvasadi.com/

Everybody who wants to build a life together in a foreign country needs to think about this. How much of a responsibility are you taking and how big your commitment is to this relationship?  I know there are thousands of reasons you want or need to move, but not everybody is experiencing this process in the same way I did.  In episode 34 I’m sharing some tips and ideas to prepare yourself and get more confident about this big move. *** FREE MULTICULTURAL PLANNER STICKERS: https://editvasadi.com/multiculturalstickers SHOW NOTES: https://editvasadi.com/scared-to-move GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

Engaged in taking pictures is when your wedding guests want group photos, they are ok with posing for the camera, or even just letting the photographer take candids of them. But ‘engaged’ could also mean guests who love to take pictures.  So, who wouldn’t want to do that?! Usually older people who think they don’t look good, or as young and slim. Or worse!- That they are not as important. Especially relatives, -parents and grandparents- who think they are not worth to be in the photo. When they see a camera, they turn their head away, cover it, or even ask not to be photographed. Kids who hate the camera would run away or start crying.  So, what should we do?! *** SHOW NOTES:https://editvasadi.com/wedding-guest-pictures/ GMM COMMUNITY:https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/ SPONSOR: https://editvasadi.com/artifactuprising

If you are with your partner for a while, you may have experienced that not everybody is as excited about your origin, culture and traditions as your partner is. Some friends and family members may even be against it. People are often so attached to their habits and believing in stereotypes, that they start to get afraid. The thought of somebody coming and changing everything scares them. Even if this resentment is toward more specific things like, following a tradition or ritual, can get frustrating. This episode is about how to talk with your guests, -family and friends- about your partner’s culture, wedding traditions that they have no clue about? *** SHOW NOTES: https://editvasadi.com/introducing-the-culture/ GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/ Check out what Zola is all about here: editvasadi.com/zola 

I share a lot about my multicultural marriage, how and where I met my husband, Adam,  about our long distance relationship, language barrier, courthouse wedding. But this time I wanted to sit down with Adam and have him talk about his side of our story. How he experienced our first time meeting, our intercultural relationship struggles that we had when I moved to America, and about our separation and why we almost got a divorce. WHEN I SAY “MILAN, ITALY” WHAT’S THE FIRST THING THAT COMES IN YOUR MIND ABOUT THE TWO OF US?  Edit: If somebody asks ‘Where did you guys meet?’, and you say ‘Milan.’… What’s the picture that comes to mind? Adam: I usually don’t say Milan, because it wouldn’t be a quick answer. I just say we went to college together. And if they genuinely want to know where we went to school, I’ll share our story. Edit: For me it’s the opposite. I start with ‘we met in Milan’, and if they ask what where we doing there (vacation, school or work), than I would say ‘we went to school together’. And everybody finds our story so romantic.  Adam: So I think that’s the answer to your question. When I think about us and Milan, I think about the time that I spent in SPD. We didn’t have much time together in the city. We are making more memories on this trip right now, then we did in 2008. CAN YOU SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCE AND VIEWPOINT ABOUT HOW WE MET? Edit: How was it to meet a foreign girl in a county were you where a foreigner too? Adam: I don’t think how I handled things was the perfect way to do it, but I also don’t have any regrets either. So our story and how we met was because my friend, Mark, knew that I was interested in you. He sort of forced that interaction, and made sure we met. When I asked about you, he said, “I think she is from Serbia”. So I went home that night and did a lot of research on Serbia. I didn’t want to look stupid, and I wanted to have something to talk about. But when I saw you the next day, and found out that you are from Hungary, I was like “Well, damit Mark! I spent the whole night researching the wrong country!” Edit: So you knew that I’m not Italian. But did you ever think that because you are in Italy, there is a chance for you to meet an Italian girl? Or because you where in an international school, meeting people (not just romantically) from different countries was pretty normal. Adam: Yeah, it was normal, but I think you and I have a little bit different mindset when moving here. I didn’t have a dream about moving to Italy. My dream was to become a car designer, and this is where you go when you want to design beautiful cars. I mean, it was great, and I wasn’t against the idea of making friends and building relationships, but that wasn’t my goar or priority. I noticed you around the hallways, but at no point did I try to make contact with you, because that’s not what I was here to do. I was here to study, and to do the best I can to get a job coming out of this. So that’s why you and I didn’t really meet, or had the opportunity to interact with each other until the school was over. At that point I was able to relax and enjoy my last two weeks.  DO YOU THINK YOU WOULD HAVE CAME TO ME IF YOUR FRIEND, MARK DIDN’T BRING ME UPSTAIRS TO CHECK OUT YOUR CAR? Adam: I honestly have no idea! I’d like to think yes, because I was really interested in you. The timing of all of it was really weird thought. Shortly after we got introduced, my friend Jonathan came to visit, and after that my parents came to visit, so I was preoccupied with them. A lot of things were happening toward the end of my time here.  So I don’t know if I would have. — I mean, I would like to think that I wouldn’t have missed out on what has become of us. Edit: Beside all of the circumstances, it was also -in some way- good timing, because I was mentally in a really happy and relaxed place. After school ended I was so open minded, and ready to meet new people. Adam: We just got really lucky with that moment! There was a one or two day period where we could have met, and things could have gone the way they did. And we nailed it! Because any later I probably wouldn’t have been available mentally and emotionally. I had too many other things going on. And any earlier I wouldn’t have initiated anything, because I was too focused on finishing school. Coming here was hard on many levels. It was a very difficult program, graduating was really hard, so I was not going to sacrifice or compromised that for anything. PEOPLE OFTEN THINK HOW COOL (AND ‘EASY’) IT IS TO MEET YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY, BUT IT’S ACTUALLY REALLY HARD! Adam: I don’t know if I would say really hard, but I’m trying to keep everything in perspective. Us Americans are very privileged. Going on vacation in a foreign country for us is incredibly easy. But moving to another country, there are a little bit more legistics to it. I had to do a lot of paperwork to be here legally. I don’t know if I would call it hard work, it’s just tedious. But I know that for some people in other countries- especially traveling to America- for school or for work can be extremely difficult and expensive.  AMERICANS ALSO HAVE THE ADVANTAGE OF HAVING A LANGUAGE THAT’S COMMON IN A LOT OF COUNTRIES. Edit: Others have to learn English to communicate with each other. So you probably noticed a lot of differences when meeting with international students… But I for example did not speak any English. Adam: But at any point while you were living in Italy did you feel like you were pressured to speak English? Edit: Not pressured, but when they heard that I’m not Italian they would switch to English. So I would have to tell them; “I don’t speak English, let’s keep talking in Italian”. Adam: Learning a new language for me was made easier because our school had a no tolerance policy. You had to speak Italian, and that was it!  Both of us are still speaking Italian, -granted it’s somewhat broken- but whoever we are speaking to on this trip, switches to English. Now that’s fine, but as an immigrant they expect you to be able to speak their language, and I appreciate that. All of these societal pressures made me do it, and I’m super grateful for it! That’s the difference between being a tourist and living here.  Edit: If I remember well, we mostly used Italian in the beginning. And then slowly switched to English. Especially after you moved back to the US. Do you think if we would have stayed and lived in Milan, we would use Italian in our household? Adam: Maybe initially, for the first little while. Because it was not our common language, but we spoke it better. I think if everything had gone the exact same that it has (getting married, having kids), but in Italy, we probably would have ended up speaking English in the house. FOR ME, MOVING TO AMERICA WAS A MUCH MORE DIVERSE CULTURAL EXPERIENCE, THAN MOVING TO ITALY. Edit: In Italy I knew what I was getting myself into. I learned the language, I understood the culture, and I was closer to my home. But I didn’t know much about America, and the only reason I came was so we can be together. I struggled with the language barrier and being isolated. I was home alone for months, and got pregnant really fast… So we had a lot of challenges in our relationship that initially we didn’t think could happen. Both of us wish we would have had more time to slowly graduate our relationship up to marriage. How did you experience all of this? You went to work in the morning and knew that Edit is at home alone, she doesn’t have her family and friends here. You were probably worried a lot about how I’m doing. Adam: I don’t think this is going to be as long conversation as you are hoping, because the truth is I didn’t think about any of that. And I really should have. Edit: I didn’t think about it either! We just had our everyday life, but with lots of fights that we didn’t know why they were happening.  Now the world is so much more international. There is so much more information out there, and we notice other multicultural couples going through these issues as well. I learned that it was  totally normal how I felt. Let’s say there is somebody in the same situation -like you were 10-8 years ago-, and is asking for your opinion or advice. What would you say to them? Adam: I think this is an advice to anybody: ‘Don’t assume that somebody is ok with their situation, just because they are not complaining about it.’ That was the mistake I made. If you were upset about being home alone, or if you were lonely, you weren’t complaining about it. I just assumed that it wasn’t a problem. USUALLY PEOPLE WHO MOVE TO ANOTHER COUNTRY WOULD SAY: ‘I LEFT EVERYTHING BEHIND JUST TO BE WITH YOU, SO YOU SHOULD APPRECIATE THAT.‘ Edit: But I think there is no point in going back and forth on this argument.  Adam: You can’t use anything as a weapon against the other person. Leaving everything behind is a choice you made! So don’t use it as a threat. But also the person on the receiving end of this,– you should be mindful of the sacrifices that your partner made. Edit: But like you said, we weren’t aware of it!… Adam: Nope! We where the model example of how to meet and not stay together. The honeymoon was amazing, but after that we did everything in the wrong way.  Edit: Yeah! It’s a miracle that we are still together!… Adam: …And a lot of really hard work too! Edit: But if you don’t feel like working for something, it may not be worth it, right? A lot of people would have given up after our struggles. Adam: Initially when we first split up, and I had that feeling of ‘we-are-not-giving-up’, you where really resistant to that, so I don’t think that’s what brought us back together. You didn’t come to me until I was forced to accept that it was over. And that was through going to a therapist. He was very honest with me, and I’m very grateful for him doing that. He told me that you made the decision to leave, and I’d be better off to accept that. Took me a long time, but the only way I could handle that and survive was to just focus on self improvement. So that’s when I stopped this unhealthy spiral, and focused on myself. Improving all the things that were wrong with me, that got us to this point, and after that was when you came back. Edit: Many times couples would try to promise each other that they are going to change, but they don’t. And they end up back to the same problems. FOR US, IT’S BEEN OVER 5 YEARS THAT WE FIXED OUR MARRIAGE AND STARTED EVERYTHING OVER. IT’S LIKE A NEW RELATIONSHIP WE ARE HAVING. Adam: Change is hard! We had to go through the struggles and we had to change.  Edit: Our issues where never based on culture, or being from a different country, or having a language barrier. But I still believe some of those conflicts came from it. Adam: Every relationship has a culture. It’s a culture amongst two people. And I don’t think that’s a direct result. It’s a symptom, not a cause. We technically had a hard time communicating, and that become our ‘culture’. Even after you learned English. It was just part of who we were; a couple who doesn’t communicate really well.  Edit: You assume that we can’t have a serious conversation, because she/he won’t understand.  Adam: Or resistant to a serious conversation, because we’d have to spend half of our time having to look up in the dictionary what each word means. It’s exhausting, so “We just won’t have this conversation!”. Edit: We also had some conflicts around our cultural differences. For example; me wanting to ‘go home’ once a year, spending all of our money on airplane tickets, or why am I talking to my family daily. It was hard to understand these differences, but you didn’t think that I like to talk to my family, because I’m Hungarian.  Adam: That wasn’t necessarily a cultural thing. There are Americans who talk to their parents every single day. That’s just not me. That’s not my family. And if you want to dig really deep, it may be a jealousy thing. PEOPLE LIKE TO GENERALIZE AND STEREOTYPE CERTAIN BEHAVIORS. Edit: Or follow traditions just because that’s how their family, and culture have done it. And the hardest part is when you are coming from a different country, trying to feel like you matter just as much as the other one. For example, we always try to mix our Christmas traditions together. But the truth is, it could never be equal, simply because we live in America. Adam: I think in our example that’s a bit easier, because I don’t have a lot of strong Christmas traditions. But if one of us had a really strong familial tradition, (or religion), it would be hard to pry me away from that. American traditions are slightly different. We’re going to celebrate the 4th of July or Thanksgiving no matter what. Even if we would live in another country.  Shortly after chatting about holiday traditions we’ve ended our conversation. I’m so grateful for Adam for letting me interview him. I’m pretty sure this is the first time in my life when I’ve interviewed somebody, and I think it ended up being more like a conversation between us. Which I didn’t mind at all! Anyway, I really enjoyed it, and can’t wait for round two sometime in the future! *** SHOW NOTES:http://editvasadi.com/in-milan-with-adam/ GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.gettingmarriedmulticulturally.com/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/    

"Reverse culture shock is the emotional and psychological distress suffered by some people when they return home after a number of years overseas." But do we experience this even when taking a visit to our home country? *** Resources mentioned: https://www.investopedia.com/terms/r/reverse-culture-shock.asp FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/

The wedding photographer is the only vendor who will be with you all day, so your relationship with them is very important! The more comfortable you feel, the better the pictures will be. In today’s episode I’m sharing some tips on how to find the perfect fit, and who should be documenting your wedding. Enjoy! LOVE+CULTURE HAVEN - join our 4 days long retreat: http://lch.editvasadi.com Blog posts mentioned: / how to choose a wedding photographer: http://editvasadi.com/how-to-choose-your-wedding-photographer/ / top 3 tips for choosing a wedding photographer: http://editvasadi.com/top-3-tips-for-choosing-a-wedding-photographer/ Other episodes you may like: / E21:we are not hiring a wedding photographer / E3: photographing emotions / E8: unplugged wedding *** FREEBIE: http://editvasadi.com/how-to-choose-your-wedding-vendors-e-book SHOW NOTES: http://editvasadi.com/choose-your-wedding-photographer/ GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

Today’s episode is a really fun one. I’m sharing some Hungarian habits that Americans (especially my husband) found weird and unusual. Enjoy!

When Adam and I got married, we where sure that there will be an other 'real' wedding sometime in the future... But it never happened. And I'm ok with that. *** SHOW NOTES: http://editvasadi.com/courthouse-wedding/ GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

Language barrier is something that all of us in a multicultural, intercultural relationship can relate to, no matter what country or culture you’re coming from. *** Join the Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/

Most people would choose photos based on memories they want to remember daily. So first you need to ask yourself: What do I want to be looking at every day? Do I remember how the photo was taken? Do I even want to have photos of myself in our home? Which colors are dominating in my home, and do I want the photos to match with the environment? *** SHOW NOTES:http://editvasadi.com/wedding-photo-display/ GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

Today is Good Friday, which means we are getting into the Easter holiday weekend! In this episode I’m taking this opportunity to talk about how we can keep up with our cultural traditions and holidays when living in a different country.

We have to be open minded and accepting when it comes to blended cultural wedding ceremonies. Some traditions would be viewed as normal for some people, but there are others who would call those “non-traditional”. It all depends who’s perspective we’re looking this from. In this episode I’m talking about what do we really consider as “normal”, and where to even start with multicultural wedding planning?

How do you know if somebody is only attracted to the culture and country where you live, instead of you as an individual?

Are you thinking about not hiring a wedding photographer? Did you decide not to spend money on a professional photographer? Not everybody will find it important to document the big events of their life (the wedding, birth of your child, birthday parties...etc.) and that’s completely ok! We are not all the same! There are some people who like to preserve their memories and remember about their life with perfect, polished and posed photos, and that’s ok too. Other people would just want to enjoy their life, so they let people around them, who love taking pictures, snap some photos. And they would even appreciate those kind of pictures much more, than professional ones. For me and for other photographers it’s hard to accept and understand why some people would value lower quality photos more than professional ones. There are a couple of reasons why would couples decide not to hire a wedding photographer. 1, It’s too much money. The budget is tight, and you want to spend the money on something more important (clothing, food, number of the guests, traveling, music…) 2, You don’t want to waste time pose for pictures and taking group shots. You’d rather spend that time with loved ones, celebrating, having fun, chatting with other people, eating and dancing. 3, You are having a very small wedding. Elopement, courthouse or destination wedding with just the two of you and some witnesses. And you don’t feel like there isn’t much to document and take pictures of. 4, You hate having pictures taken. Lot of use feel uncomfortable having pictures takes. But some couples would be so afraid and intimidated about having a camera in their face, that they would rather just not have it. 5, Don’t know what to do with the pictures. You are not sure how to used them, and don’t see the value or have a goal with those images. Like making an album or decorating the house with them. Deciding if you want to have a wedding photographer Try to figure out what are you going to do with the photos. Do you need them for a specific goal? Make a pro/con list. For example: // I want to have some good photos with my grandparents, because I don’t know how long are they going to be around. // It’s very important for me to have group pictures with my parents or with my family, who I haven’t seen for years. // Everybody looks so pretty and dressed up, so this is a great occasion to have these pictures taken. // Want to save some photos for my kids and grandkids, so they can see how mom and dad go married. // Want to show some photos online to those who couldn’t be at the wedding. Think about the future, not what do I want right now! Pictures really are for the future and for memories to remember, right?! As yourself these questions: Why would I want to have a photographer, what would happen if I don’t have one? How can I compromise? Are these going to be valuable for me in the future? Beside all of the boundaries, worries and insecurities, do you still want to be convinced to have a wedding photographer? Let me share a couple of ideas with you: If money is the problem, and you don’t have a budget for a photographer. 1, Once you find a photographer, ask them if they have some kind of payment plan. I offer monthly payment options for my clients, and I know how much easier that is for them. 2, Ask guest to give you the photography service as their wedding gift. With Zola you can set up an online registry for cash founds, so you would essentially have your wedding photographer as a gift. Which I think is a great idea. 3, Find a very cheap photography student at your local high school or university. Who’s just starting out, looking to get some experience, so they don’t charge you as much, or they are willing to work for free. Which is a good alternative, if you don’t have any money for a professional photographer. But you need to be ok with some of the risks that you are taking by finding those kind of photographers. What if they don’t show up, do they have insurance and contract, what if the pictures turn out really bad, or they lose the files?! Anything can happen with professional photographers too, but usually they are more prepared and experienced. My advice if you decide to hire somebody who is a student or hobby photographer to make sure they are really committed and excited for this opportunity! As long as you accept and understand these risks of hiring somebody unexperienced, then why not? It saves you money, and could be a really good experience for you. 4, You can ask somebody that you know. A guest, family member. To bring their camera, or take pictures with their phone. Just make people aware that you’re not having a designated photographer. I’m sure you can find somebody from the guests who would be willing to take this task on, and be very excited to document this important day for you. If you’re still thinking; there is no way I’m going to have a wedding photographer, I don’t care about documenting this event. Let me help you see how valuable it’s going to be, just to have a couple of photos with your family and with the people who came to celebrate with you. Maybe right now you are tired and annoyed with all of this wedding planning, and you really don’t feel like standing in front of the camera smiling. But think about spending only two minutes out of your wedding day to take that picture. It doesn’t even have to be a professional photo. Just a quick snap with your phone can make a valuable picture. You never know when are you going to lose someone, or never going to see someone in your live. I do want to have pictures taken on my wedding, I’m just not hiring a professional photographer 1, Decide and designate who is going to take the pictures. // A stranger you never met, somebody who signed up to come for free with their camera and take some pictures. // Is it one of the guests, who wanted to bring their camera. // Do you have a couple of guests, who said they will snap some photos and videos with their phone during the big day. But be careful because guests get busy and distracted. They meet with old friends, sit down to eat, go dance, get drunk, so they kinda forget to take pictures. That’s why it’s always good to have a specific person, who promises you to take pictures. Don’t forget to thank those who help you out for free, make them feel appreciated! 2, Have a photo booth. Even if you don’t rent a professional booth, you can just set up a little corner where guest can take selfies. 3, Set up cameras and go-pros all over the venue. On your bouquet, drinks, chairs, tables. As people move around, you get different viewpoints of the wedding. 4, Unplugged weddings are popular, but without a professional photographer, you most likely are going to have a plugged wedding. So encourage your guests to snap pictures often: Set up signs at the entrance and tables, in the invitation. Give them a hashtag. Make scavenger hunt games, challenges and activities. Get disposable cameras for every table. 5, Sign up for some apps and services that helps you collect photos from guest. If you’re going to have hundreds of people taking pictures and video it can get complicated to collect them all. This way you are going to have everything in one gallery. A few apps to check out: -TacBoard (They also do live streaming. So all the photos sent in by your guest would be projected on the wall during reception.) -WeddingMix -BlushDrop Hire a photographer for a different day You can choose to have a separate photo shoot before or after the wedding. That way you don’t have to block that time out from the wedding day, and take time away from guests. It’s usually cheaper and you’re not that stressed and rushed. Go to the same location where you got married, or just find a completely different scenery. Dress up in your wedding outfit, or wear something else. Bring your family and friends to have those group photos, or book a session just for the two of you. But remember! Looking at those photos you’re going to know that they were taken on a separate day, it wasn’t the actual wedding. If you’re ok with that, then it’s a perfect time to have some nice portraits, to capture the connection and love between the two of you, and to celebrate the marriage. If you’d like more ideas, grab my free E-Book where I’m shearing 6 tips on how to better photograph your wedding day. *** Do you want to listen more of the GMM Podcast? Make sure to subscribe, so you don’t miss out on new episodes when they get published. What do you think about the Podcast? I love hearing back from my listeners, so if you’d like to share your opinion, you can leave me a review. ;) Btw, these reviews will also help other multicultural couples find this show. Let’s grow the GMM community! *** FREEBIE: http://editvasadi.com/6-tips-to-better-document-your-wedding-ebook SHOW NOTES: http://editvasadi.com/wedding-without-photographer/ GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

When I hit record, I didn’t think this would be one of my most emotional episodes. I even got choked up just talking about my memories. I’m a bit embarrassed to be honest, but that’s life. In today’s podcast episode I’m sharing my struggles with keeping up with my Hungarian heritage. On March 15th we are celebrating a very significant holiday, the Hungarian Revolution. So I’m taking this opportunity to chat about what challenges I’m facing living so far from my country for more than a decade. *** Shownotes: Photographing in Europe: http://europe.editvasadi.com/ GMM shop: http://shop.editvasadi.com/ (10%off sale) Hungarian Heritage Day in Phoenix (on March 23rd): https://www.facebook.com/events/293543471332903/ Blog: http://editvasadi.com/losing-cultural-identity/ GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

As many of you know, Women’s Day started in the early 90s, as a movement when women wanted to speak up for their rights. It was a very strong and impactful movement. But in my mind, when I was younger, it was just a fun and joyful, spring-feeling holiday, with lots of flowers! In Hungary on this day boys would bring flowers to the girls at school. It was little bit like Valentine’s Day in America... When you are expected, but not required, to bring presents to everybody in class. Same way the boys had to bring flowers to all of the girls. Celebrating women, womanhood In many parts of the World there’s still a lot of inequality, where women are still fighting for their rights. So I wanted to raise a little awareness about where we stand in the World as women. To celebrate us, who need to juggle between motherhood, running the household, having a happy marriage, finding our carrier and passion, feeling accomplished in our life, and finding our place in this world. Knowing what we can do, and what we’re capable of achieving. Since I often talk about weddings, I thought this would be fun topic. To discover some wedding tradition origins that positioned women and the bride in a specific way. What did they have to do, and what were they not allowed to do? Let’s see what equal opportunities and equality we had to fight for, when it comes to the wedding day Some of these traditions are so old, that they aren't part of our weddings anymore. But then there are some traditions that got modified to a more sentimental, romantic meaning. Not so evil, like it used to be originally. Knowing these traditions will let you decide if you want to keep them or not. Maybe you’ll just have a good laugh out of this and incorporate them anyway. Because really, weddings are all about celebrating and having fun. I don’t think we should take these too seriously, but it’s good to know where are these traditions coming from. I’ve already talked about a couple of wedding planning topics that are expected from a specific gender in our society. For example the ‘Proposal traditions’, where men are expected to proposes to the women. Or I wrote about ‘Name changing after your marriage’ which is something that’s required from the woman in most countries. Women were used as objects on the wedding day, and they were literally a transaction between the father and the husband. 1, Handing over the bride Women really did not have much to say about the wedding day. Most often not even to choose their husband, let alone planning the whole wedding. The girl was owned by her father, and when it was time to get married, it was a transaction between father and husband. That’s where the tradition of handing over the bride comes from. Today we do that more to honor our father. It carries a sentimental meaning as you say goodbye to your old life. So don’t panic if you didn’t know about this origin, or if you feel horrible wanting to have your father walk you down the aisle. 2, Veil and first look In many cultures the bride would wear white dress, and a veil over her face to hide. They would even cover her whole body to symbolize her modesty and untoucheness. But the true reason for covering her was so in these arranged marriages the husband couldn't see who he’s marrying. Which is crazy! For the same reason the first look was happening at the actual ceremony. These days ‘first looks’ before the ceremony are really popular. I think they originated from photographers, who wanted you to see each other before the ceremony and have some good pictures of it. At the same time, seeing the bride before the wedding was considered a bad luck. 3, Bridesmaids In the old tradition bridesmaids would wear the same dress as the bride, because people believed that this way they would confuse the evil spirits, who then wouldn't know which one is actually the bride. 4, Toasts and speeches In most weddings it’s usually the men, (father or husband) who speaks up to give a toast after the ceremony. This comes from when women were not allowed to speak up. 5, Groom carrying the bride over the threshold The groom would pick up and carry the bride over the entrance, because they believed that with the bride’s feet the evil spirit would slip into their new house. So that’s why he had to lift up his wife. 6, Honeymoon This tradition comes from the times when the husband would take away the bride for months, hiding her from the family. Most often the wife wasn’t allowed to come out until she got pregnant. 7, Something borrowed In the American tradition brides would borrow something old to wear on them during the wedding, as a good luck. These days it’s usually grandma’s jewelry or something like that. But long time ago the bride would have to wear an another woman’s underwear, who already had children. Well, to bring good luck for fertility. So that's also a little bit creepy, I would say! 8, Bouquet and garter tossing (two of the worst traditions for women in my opinion!) Since the bride was considered lucky on her wedding day, all the guests would want to get some of that luck by tearing a piece of her dress off. To distract the attacking guests, she would throw the bouquet it the crowd. The garter toss originated from when the couple would have a ‘bedding ceremony’, right after saying the vows. They had some witnesses who watched them too. The husband, to show their successfulness, had to throw the wife’s undergarment in the crowd. Creeeeepy! Don’t freak out, if you’re planning to have a garter toss! I know that these days lots of brides are trying to shy away from this tradition for that reason. But if you find it fun and entertaining, then why not?! Now days it’s all about having fun with the people you’re celebrating with. All of these traditions used to be long time ago. And if you as a woman and a bride feel like you want to wear a veil (not because your husband never saw you before), or you want to have a bouquet (not because you smell bad), or you want your dad to hand you over to your husband (it’s not a transaction anymore), or for any other reason… If you want to follow the tradition, do it! My goal is not to discourage you. Hungarian weddings In Hungary we also have some traditions specific to the bride. One of them is wearing a red dress after midnight (yes, we celebrate until sunrise). The other one is stealing the bride during the reception. Groom then would have to find her and pay as an exchange. What about same-sex marriages? It was interesting for me to think about how these traditions play out when there isn’t any specific gender role. In same-sex marriages, when there are two brides getting married, what are some of these old traditions that are not applicable? For example the veil or bouquet is doable, that’s easy. But then there are some rituals that come from man owning the women, or man being in control of everything. So it’s really interesting to look into wedding tradition origins when there is no man getting involved. So, what is really considered a non-traditional wedding? These traditions go back for so long, and most of them have a pretty weird, creepy and twisted origin. Especially the way they treated women, and the kind of things brides had to do. But in modern days if you don’t do these traditions, if you modify them, or leave something out, then you’re wedding automatically becomes non-traditional. So it’s really interesting how we are treating these traditions in our life. Isn’t it?! Throughout everything! In one way we’re trying to be very traditional, but in other ways we’re finding different alternatives. Without really thinking about the true meaning behind it. Without considering if it’s just an outdated heritage, or something that we modified for our own enjoyment and convenience. The modern wedding planning is for women! Let’s jump back to our modern age, and talk about what is the woman’s role in the wedding planning today. With all the media and society there is so much pressure on women when it comes wedding planning. After you get engaged, it feels like everybody is asking you million questions. All of a sudden you need to make tons of decisions. Timelines, to dos, what to buy, how much money to spend, which vendors to pick… And the reality is, your fiance, your groom is not expected to play any role in the wedding planning. So I would want to encourage you to have this conversation with your partner. How could the two of you divide the tasks. Make sure that both of you are equally involved. Marriage is about two people. You and your partner have to work the same way on your marriage, on your relationship, as a parent, as a homeowner. Pretty much on anything in your life. You’ll have to make decisions together. So do the same for your wedding planning. It’s good practice to accomplish something together, before starting your life together. Don’t let traditions be in charge. Don’t feel like everything that needs to be done has to lay on your shoulders. Let your groom be involved! Everything is pretty much doable as a team, right? That’s how you should start your marriage anyway! And for all of us multicultural couples Beside these crazy wedding traditions and wedding roles, our planning gets even more complicated. When we have to blend multiple traditions together. (And I know there are many cultural traditions that I didn’t talk about here.) But I think a good way to start is to rethink what these traditions truly represent. Where do they come from, and why are we doing them? After that, you can decide if you want to implement it into your wedding or not. Is there a tradition that comes from your partner’s side that you are unfamiliar with? Is there something that you want to implement, want to honor? Maybe a heritage you don’t want to be associated with. If you just think it’s something that sounds pretty fun and enjoyable to do, and you don’t care where it comes from, then that’s fine too! You do you! *** Do you want to listen more of the GMM Podcast? Make sure to subscribe, so you don’t miss out on new episodes when they get published. What do you think about the Podcast? I love hearing back from my listeners, so if you’d like to share your opinion, you can leave me a review. ;) Btw, these reviews will also help other multicultural couples find this show. Let’s grow the GMM community! *** SHOW NOTES:http://editvasadi.com/women-wedding-role/ GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

After growing up in Serbia, living in Hungary and Italy I moved to America. Which was a pretty big jump for me! Physically and culturally. So yes, I experienced plenty of culture shock. I left Europe 10 years ago, so I kinda forgot most of these cultural differences. I had to sit down and look at some pictures to relive my memories. At the end I made a list of 6 things that were culturally different from my experiences I had previously in my life. I would also like to say that these culture shocks are from a viewpoint of somebody moving from Europe to the US. Because I’m sure those of you coming from other countries or continent may experience something different. Back in GMM podcast episode #14 I was talking about my immigration to America and Green Card process. So this is kind of a continuing story as I got married and started my life here. This country is so big, and there are many various areas, so I wanted to outline that most of my experiences came from west coast. (Washington State, Idaho, Oregon…) Now we live in Arizona, but I’d like to believe that my culture shock has worn out by now. After 10 years I don’t think that you can shock me with anything anymore. 1, Everything is so big and there are so many options to choose from! I’m not only thinking about grocery stores and food, but everything that surrounds you. I remember the first thing I’ve noticed when I came out of the airport and Adam was driving me how big everything felt. The streets, the highway, the cars. Everything was so open and large, so you can really tell how huge this country is and has a lot of space. I remember when we walked into our apartment seeing how big the sink was in the kitchen and the fridge, especially in those tiny little apartments that we rented. // At the grocery store I would constantly be taking pictures because I found something new and unique at every aisle. There where ton of variety, flavors, sizes, textures...Cereals, big gallons of milk, tons of different cheese, soda and chips… I was so overwhelmed with options and variety that was given to me. Speaking of food. I’ve quickly noticed that Americans love to rely on fast food, and not just restaurants, but also purchasing them at the grocery story. And it’s really true that lots of Americans would actually use this convenience and time saving, even if they know that it’s not the healthiest option. //As we had children I noticed in the restaurant how they have a separate kids menu, so they can choose a different food from what the rest of the family is eating. They can also draw and do some activities on the menu which was pretty cool. And the funny thing is that no matter what kind of restaurant you go to, the kids menus are almost always the same. You can choose from mac and cheese, corn dog, pizza, chicken strips... Oh let’s not forget about fries! So this was another culture shock for me to see how differently they are treating the kids, because in Europe the whole family eats the same food. //Let’s not forget about the free water that always comes with ice. 2, Everything is based on convenience and saving time, and everything is really fast paced! //Most of the things you can find here are disposable. Like paper plates, which was really interesting for me to experience. We don’t have them in our house, because I don’t think I would ever get used to it, but everywhere else we go they use them. So they don’t have to do the dishes. It’s easier and saves time. //Lot of things are packaged. Little bags in big bags. Which also goes for convenience and practicality. So people won’t throw food away so often. //You can find drive thru almost everywhere. Not just at fast food restaurants, but ice cream and coffee shops, banks, pharmacy, also have the options to get things done from your car. //There is no (or very little) public transportation. 3, People are extremely friendly and polite. My parents notice this every time they come to visit, because it’s just something you can’t get enough of. People passing by on the street would smile and you, wave. Strangers would chit-chat with you at the elevator, restaurant or the cashier at the store. People would let you in at the door, give up their parking spot. So when you come to America that’s really a culture shock in a good way, because they make you feel like you really matter! But can friendliness from a stranger be too much? When I would go to the cashier at the store or restaurant, sometimes they would ask me ‘What are your plans for today?’ or ‘What have you been doing today?’ which I find very personal and uncomfortable to answer. //’How are you?’ ‘How is everything?’ Really just means ‘Hi’  and they don’t actually want to know how are you doing. I know it’s a little bit weird thing for foreigners to understand. //What drives me crazy with my husband is when he gets into this ‘politeness-zone’, especially when it’s a situation with big crowd, we need to find a seat at an event, or get in line at the grocery store. I’m more like a fighter-for-my-spot type of person, which in the same time drives Adam crazy. Yep, we drive each other crazy pretty often! Haha! People in America don’t really feel the pressure for fighting for their place. They tend to give each other more space and to be more distant, polite and respectful. Because we don’t do that in Europe! Especially in Italy. There is no line, you just have to get in front of the war zone and get what you want. //I’ve also noticed that people here are not so connected and close to their family. This may be because of large distances and moving from one state to another, but Americans like to keep their life more private. Despite the distance, I talk with my mom almost every day and that’s normal for us. My husband finds it weird that I share everything with my family and I consider that as a cultural difference between us. //The word friendship has a different meaning. In Hungary I had friends with much deeper connection then what I was able to develop with anybody here. This may also be because people don’t really like to talk about their personal life, put themselves out there, or get to close. Even physically. While here in America you greet your closest friends and family with hugging, in Europe we kiss on our cheeks. 4, Gatherings and parties means playing games This was a funny culture shock for me. When I started creating friendships here, they were surprisingly surface based for me. Like I’ve mentioned already, the meetings where mostly short chats. Deep and meaningful conversations were rare in my experience. (And I hope this wasn’t because of the lack of my English knowledge.) //Most of the gatherings are about doing some type of activity together. Watching a game, playing a game...Americans have lots of games to play. Board games, video games, sports or drinking games. Watching movies. Watching games, if they are not playing it. So most conversations go around that game and goes with that activity. In Europe we just sit down with a bottle of wine or coffee, and just hang out and talk for hours. //Every party, event, wedding, birthday party, and celebration is organized, structured and scheduled. Everything is timed. For example every birthday party or wedding would have the same timeline, same activity and it’s expected from everybody. 5, There are so many rules, laws and expectations and everything works and functions perfectly! There are also lots of rules and signs everywhere. Which was also a fun culture shock for me and I especially enjoyed photographing them. //Speaking of expectations: Americans expect you to have perfect teeth! That’s something very important for them. They put lot of time, effort and money into making sure they keep their teeth perfectly lined up, clean, and white. 6, There is no such a thing as saying ‘I Love You’ too much! American couples would tell each other ‘I love you’ like you are saying hi or goodbye to somebody. It was a bit strange for me in the beginning, because in other cultures it’s not something you throw around easily. But now I don’t even notice it. It’s just part of our conversations and every day talk. The bigger culture shock for me was when I noticed that friends would often tell each other ‘I love you’ or ‘I miss you’. It was especially hard to hear, because you don’t do that in Hungary, especially if it’s the opposite sex. This was something I had to understand as part of the culture. *** SHOW NOTES: http://editvasadi.com/american-culture-shock/ GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/ *** Do you want to listen more of the GMM Podcast? Make sure to subscribe, so you don’t miss out on new episodes when they get published. What do you think about the Podcast? I love hearing back from my listeners, so if you’d like to share your opinion, you can leave me a review. ;) Btw, these reviews will also help other multicultural couples find this show. Let’s grow the GMM community!

-Where am I even going to put all of these albums?! On my bookshelf? On my desk?! On my coffee table?! I don’t even have a coffee table! -It is crazy expensive! I don’t have thousands of dollars after I got married! -I am never ever going to look at this album! (I have a friend who got married a couple of years ago and she said that she never opened her wedding album, so I don’t think I will need one either!) -And I’s 2019, people! We can just put all of our pictures online and who ever want to see it, they can just go on their computer or their phone... That’s why we have phones and social media, so we can look at our pictures on it! -And by the way! I don’t even care about wedding pictures! I’m not even gonna have a wedding photographer! So NO! I don’t need wedding albums! Sorry for my snarkiness I just really want to have my point come across. (And yes, I can be a smartass, just ask my husband! haha) Anyway, I wanted to talk about wedding albums. From a perspective of a wedding photographer who strongly believes in printing out photos. But most importantly, as somebody who had a bad experience and outcome with their own wedding pictures. I got inspired after listening to couples chat in the Bridechilla Group (really awesome community, highly recommend you to join them!) about the reasons they don’t need albums and prints after the wedding. (See sarcastic intro above!) My wedding album failure Ok, first let me share my story with you, so hopefully you can learn from my mistakes and my experience. We had a very quick and very cheap courthouse wedding (link to wedding post) and it was documented by one of our friends who handed over all of the pictures as digital files for us and told us that we can do with them whatever we want. Back then I didn’t know anything about wedding to dos or wedding planning. None us this was even on my radar. All I wanted was to make sure that we got married fast so I can stay in America. And I was so excited and busy just enjoying my arrival and my time with Adam because we had not seen each other for so long. Getting married was just something that we needed to get done. I didn’t spend any time dreaming about my ‘perfect wedding’ and making plans. Our friend was a hobby photographer and we felt really lucky that somebody offered to document this day. So we got our photos back and since my husband and I are creative people we really wanted to make something over the top, really crazy, creative and unique with our photos. Back in 2008 heavy photoshopped pictures and textures were really popular, so we did that with ALL of our photos. Curly flowers on the edges, text over them, we modified the colors… The craziest one is my favorite photo that we turned into sepia tones (brown and white) but the red roses in my bouquet stayed red. Yep, pretty crazy! We were planning to print a few out for our house, but that never happened. But then it was time for me to go to my immigration interview and they requested us to bring some pictures as a proof that we’re a real couple. So I bought a big album and filled up with pictures that told our story. How we met, got engaged, traveled together and got married. (Funny thing is they didn’t even look at these photos at the interview.) After we got home I put the album on our shelf, and yes, just like most couples would do, we never really looked at those pictures! But when I started getting into wedding photography, creating my Getting Married Multiculturally Podcast and talking to couples more and more about my story and how I got married. I got this dusty album off of our shelf, and started looking the pictures. I told my husband: “OMG! These photos look horrible!” With these filters, floral patterns and quotes all over them! They were printed on a cheap paper, so they were getting discolored too. But then I thought ok, I’m not going to stress about this, because we have our digital files somewhere. I can just use those and modify the photos to print out a more timeless, durable quality. As it should be. Annnnd I had a problem, because I CAN NOT FIND THOSE DIGITAL FILES! I’ve been looking for them for years! My point is that it took me this long to realize that we don’t have our wedding pictures! It takes years and years to start valuing your pictures. Well, especially if you lose them. Now we’re never ever going to have those images. All we have is this album that I made for my immigration interview. And I’m so thankful for this interview now, because I probably wouldn’t have printed these photos and everything would be lost! Still today I have this album on our shelf, and I never felt like this is not precious  enough to us! Even with all of these silly filters on them they are priceless to us!... Missing our digital files made this album even more valuable, IRREPLACEABLE to us. Because this is all we have from our wedding. It’s all we can show to our children. Learn from my mistakes I shared this story with you because I want you to learn from the mistakes that I made. Lesson 1: Don’t get caught up too much on current trends. Like in 2008 we put heavy filters and textures on all of our pictures. You may have a friend or family member who got married around that time and their album may look that way too. Most photographers modify the colors and tones to add a specific style to their photos. (They may look a bit cooler or warmer, darker or brighter. Which are current trends.) You see those images on their portfolio and fall in love with the style. But the colors may not match up with your wedding or with your home where you’d like to display the images, so you’d want to change them. That’s why I’m trying to keep my images true to reality, because I know that these photos have to be timeless and enjoyable for your generations, even long after you are gone. Believe me! You don’t want too much effects on them. But if you love these styles, and that it’s representing our current day and age, it’s still a good idea to keep all of your original photos, in case you change your mind years down the road. Mistake 2: Print! Print! Print! Download! Download! Download! Prints are going to last you forever and your kids and grandkids will appreciate it so much! I know you hear this from everywhere, but really think about it, how timeless and valuable are your printed pictures going to be! Because digitals can get lost, broken, corrupted or simply get out of date. When I started photographing weddings it was all about CD and DVD, then USB and hard drive, and now we just upload our images to an online gallery from where couples can download them. That’s why I make sure to give wedding albums to all of my clients, no matter which package they choose! I have a fear that most people won't even download all of the photos from their gallery! They just flip through the photos, choose a couple of them for social media and just leave the gallery there. What if your photographer closes their business and shuts down the online gallery? You’ll never have access to those images again! Even if you refuse to print out the photos, download them on your computer! Put them on multiple hard drives, CD, DVD, upload them on the cloud, whatever! You won’t regret it! I want a wedding album but can’t afford them! Ok, I have a couple of options for you: -Put it on your registry. (I talked about Zola registry last week, and I know they have options for albums.) If you know ahead of time that you’ll want a wedding album, request it as a wedding gift. Since it’s a higher price range, a couple of guest can group up or send you a cash fund. -Ask for payment options from your photographer. -DIY your wedding album After you receive the digital photos (make sure the files are big enough!) find a print lab that is able to create the album you imagined for an affordable price. When you’re browsing, check for sizes, paper and ink quality, page quantity and layout templates. Here are a couple of options you can choose from: -Big stores, malls: Costco, Walmart, Walgreens, Target -Artifact Uprising (My favorite! I had some albums printed from them, and love the quality!) -Shutterfly -VistaPrint (they often do sales) -MILK -SnapFish Before your start designing, make a list of photos you want to add to the album. Makes it easier to see how many pages are you going to need. Look for image positioning and size! Horizontal and vertical photos will take up a different space on the spread. Makes sure people's heads are not too small, and crop carefully! Don’t forget that if you are printing out your own wedding album, don’t just limit yourself with the photos from your professional photographer. You can put in some phone pictures that guests or you took. Whichever photos makes you happy! I really hope that I convinced you to order an album, even if you are making one yourself. Even if the quality is not going to be that good, it’s still better to have something then to just rely on digital files. And if you receive your digital files in an online gallery, don’t forget to download them, even the ones you don’t like! You may like them later! Don’t assume that you are not going to look at them. Maybe you won’t for the first few years, but trust me, after 10 years these photos are going to be so much fun and emotional to look at. Especially if you have kids and when you have somebody that you want to show these pictures to. *** SHOW NOTES: http://editvasadi.com/i-need-a-wedding-album/ GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/ *** Do you want to listen more of the GMM Podcast? Make sure to subscribe, so you don’t miss out on new episodes when they get published. What do you think about the Podcast? I love hearing back from my listeners, so if you’d like to share your opinion, you can leave me a review. ;) Btw, these reviews will also help other multicultural couples find this show. Let’s grow the GMM community!

Valentine’s Day is the second biggest gift giving holiday of the year. (Yep, right after Christmas!) So I wanted to take the opportunity to talk a little bit about gift giving traditions. Most specifically gifting for your wedding day. What are some traditions, etiquette and rules when it comes to different cultures? Respect your partner’s cultural differences. Even when it comes to gift giving. You can find so many individual traditions in different countries. There are some rules, etiquette, and rituals when it comes to giving a gift at a wedding. And it may become a little bit uncomfortable, or awkward, if you don’t really know the norms or expectations. So do your research and talk to your family and fiance. They will appreciate your interest! American traditions When I moved to America I’ve noticed that people love to give gifts, special notes or gift cards. They would put a special little touch on it, even if it’s just a chocolate. Beautiful wrapping papers and cute notes are part of the experience. It’s different than in Europe. We don’t put that much focus and effort toward presents. In the USA gift giving has a much deeper meaning and value to it. Which also comes with a lot of worry and doubt about what should I get, how much should I spend, what’s appropriate or accepted. Will they like it? Or if I receive something, how do I show that I’m happy and thankful? When I moved here I remember getting lots of greeting/celebration cards and gifts. Most of them where from my husband’s relatives, family and grandparents, whom I’ve never met. It felt really good that they thought about me, and that they took the effort to send me those little cards. Wedding, birthday, baby shower, Christmas cards… And of course I kept them all! Christmas cards are even more personalized, because they usually have family pictures on it. Make gifting part of your wedding planning process Your wedding is one of the biggest events of your life! (If you’re comparing to birthdays or any other parties that you’ve organized.) Sooo many people are coming! Parents, friends, people who are helping you, the bridal party, distant family members, co-workers, old friends, relatives from your fiance’s side that you never met… So there are many different dynamics and relationships with your guests. Kinda gets confusing with what you should request, and where should you stand with all of this gifting process. Even couples with same cultural background or nationality can run into variations in gifting etiquette. What are some of the occasions and opportunities to consider for gift giving, when you’re getting married? 1, engagement: This is when you announce your engagement, or when you throw an engagement party. Presents are not necessary, (at least here in America) but some guests may bring you something. In the same time, there may be some countries where engagement gifts are part of the celebration! 2, bridal/groom shower or wedding shower: Shower means that guests will “shower” you with presents. So the whole purpose of this party is about gift giving. They are more personalized to the individual bride or groom, rather than something they would enjoy together. 3, rehearsal dinner or lunch: Usually happens a day (or couple of days) before the wedding. It’s a great opportunity to gift your bridal party something special as thanking them for all the effort and hard work they put into the wedding planning. It’s a great occasion to give something to your parents, or to each other with your fiance. (If you are planning to. No pressure!) 4, wedding day gifts: Guests can typically buy something from your registry (online or at a specific store). But do your research before setting the website up. There may be some cultures that guests would feel offended that you want them to purchase something so specific, spend a certain amount of money, or to use a particular store. Having variety of options is always a  good idea, so they can bring you a personalized present if they wish. And spend as much money as they feel comfortable with. A really good service I would recommend is Zola. You can set up a free registry and website for your wedding. If you’re interested, check out this video tutorial I’ve put together. You can register for gifts, experiences, cash funds, or set up a group gifting option for the guests. It’s so easy and convenient! How much should your guest spend on wedding gifts? I believe everybody should give as much as they feel comfortable with, or as much as they want to give to you. Don’t let anybody or any survey tell you what the norms are. There are no rules, you are not tied to any amount. However statistics say that typically close family members would spend between 100-150$/gift, and co-worker are looking to purchase something for around 50$. Regardless, the general etiquette says you should at least spend the amount that will cover your plate. (So all the food you’ll be eating at the wedding.) But like I said, you do you! Is giving money as a gift accepted or rude in your culture? In a lot of countries and cultures just giving money is accepted and even required. Couples may not even want to receive any other gifts, or have a registry. These traditions will have specific rituals or representations to gift the money. Like handmade decorative bags, pouches, envelopes, or big greeting-card boxes at the wedding reception, to drop in cash or check. Many cultures have ‘money dances’, where guests can dance with the bride for money. If you have guests who are new to this tradition, make sure to explain the meaning and reason behind everything, so they don’t feel awkward or weird about it. Especially because giving money in many cultures carry a deeper meaning. It’s not just about giving cash to the couple so they can spend it on whatever they feel like. It’s more for bringing good luck, health and wealth, so your new relationship can be successful. But, if you feel a little bit weirded out already, don’t forget that these traditions (just like many other wedding traditions) come from old times. They may seem somewhat offensive as well, so don’t feel like you HAVE TO do anything. However, I do think that some of these traditions are just part of the fun celebrations and we shouldn't take them too seriously. 5, wedding favors: This was definitely a new tradition to me. So if you’re also wondering what are “wedding favors”, well they’re small gifts that the couple would give to the guests as a thank you for coming. Although, not everybody likes these anymore. Often people won’t take them, because they don’t want or need it, so you would have a lot extra left. So try to do something that your guest would appreciate and enjoy. Like small desserts, or meaningful gifts that shows your multicultural story and personalities as a couple. Or how about leftovers?! I love leftovers from weddings! Makes me remember the amazing time we had. :) Wedding gifting etiquette you should know about // If your wedding gets canceled (and lets just assume that it’s not because you two aren’t getting married), make sure to send the gifts back to the guests. // To avoid making guests who didn’t bring anything uncomfortable, try not to do gift opening at the party. (This may not happen at your wedding, but maybe at the bridal shower.) // As a guest, if you can’t attend the wedding, still consider sending the couple a gift. Wedding gift ideas for your guests: 1, Just grab something from the registry list. (You can check out the Zola tutorial here.) 2, Get a group gift with other guests. 3, Personal gift. (This is especially good for grandparents, long time friends.) 3, Experience gift. (Memberships, tickets, classes, travel, date...etc.) Gifting on destination wedding: Your guests have already spent so much money on the airplane tickets and hotel, so you may be expecting a smaller gift from them (or nothing?). Think about setting up a ship-to-my-house gifting option. So your guests don’t have to carry all of those presents to the wedding location, and you won’t need to rent a separate airplane just to bring all of your gifts home. OK, I’m closing this post with my big announcement: I have a gift shop!!! Woohoo! The Getting Married Multiculturally online shop specializes for multicultural couples who want something different and personalized to celebrate their culture and multicultural/intercultural relationship, marriage and family. So far we are offering matching couples t-shirts with different flags, engagement tank tops, decorative pillows and miniature bottles that celebrates your cultural diversity. To visit my shop go to shop.editvasadi.com *** SHOW NOTES: http://editvasadi.com/sixteen Zola tutorial: Zola Tutorial GMM SHOP: http://shop.editvasadi.com/ GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/ *** Do you want to listen more of the GMM Podcast? Make sure to subscribe, so you don’t miss out on new episodes when they get published. What do you think about the Podcast? I love hearing back from my listeners, so if you’d like to share your opinion, you can leave me a review. ;) Btw, these reviews will also help other multicultural couples find this show. Let’s grow the GMM community!

Lots of countries and cultures have different laws, requirements, traditions and expectations when it comes to changing your name after the wedding. And if you’re marrying somebody from another culture, it may be harder to make a decision about your name changing than you think. But first, let’s see if you even want to change your name?! These days a lot of women would consider keeping their maiden name, because they strongly believe it is part of their identity. They really love the name they’re born with, and don't feel like just because they are the woman in the relationship, that they should be giving up on their name. Some other reasons you may want to keep your maiden name: // You have a fear that your family name will die out, if you don’t pass it along to your children. // You don’t want to go through all of that hassle of changing it on all of the documents and legal papers. // Your maiden name is attached to your professional identity. // It’s expensive. // You don’t like his name (complicated to spell it and sign with it). // Your fiance wants to have your name. // You are in a same sex marriage. Reasons you would want to take your husband’s family name: // Traditions and cultural expectations are very important to you. // You and your family just assume that you will take your husband’s name. // You never thought otherwise. That’s how it was for me, back 10 years ago. There weren't many women and feminists speaking up about what our rights are, and that they don’t want to feel that they are owned by their husband. (Which is how it used to be long time ago.) But for me it was kinda obvious, that I’m getting married, so I’m taking my husband’s name. Especially because we will have the same name as a family. This was my personal decision, and it was something I didn’t really think about. Now days women have this great opportunity to make a decision that’s right for them. // Having the same surname makes it easier for the whole family to fill out documents, especially for traveling. // You love your fiance’s name and can’t wait to finally own it. // You don’t feel too attached to your maiden name. Because you didn’t have a good relationship with your father, or maybe your parents changed their name, so it really doesn’t carry a family history to it. // You want to start a fresh new life. If you’ve been married before, or you’ve changed your name already, this can feel like your names are stages of your life, and they’re telling the history of your life. But no matter why you would feel strongly about keeping your name, you have to respect and consider how your fiance feels about it. Some men would feel like you’re not fully committed to this relationship. Maybe his family is pressuring him a lot, because they have strong cultural traditions assigned to it. Yes, it’s about your name, as a women. You feel the pressure to change your name, but it’s also affecting your partner, so you want to make sure that you two are starting this marriage in the right way. Where both of you feel appreciated and that your opinions and feelings are valued. We are so lucky in today’s day and age, because we can basically change our name to anything we want. At least it’s like that here in the US. // You can combine your name by putting the two surnames together as one. // You can hyphenate. That’s when you put both of your family names by each other with a hyphens. // You can just make up your own, something completely different or mixture of the two. I heard that some people would shame other women for not taking their husband's name. They say those wives are probably not that committed to the marriage, and they don't love their husband enough. This is everybody’s personal decision! We really need to stop assuming and labeling people and thinking that just because somebody makes a different decision (for any reason), it would mean they're not going to be a good wife, they don’t want to feel united with their husband, or that they don’t value their marriage. No matter what you decide on, take the time to sit down with your partner, write down all of the possibilities that you can do with your names and make a pro/con list. Don’t rush to make this decision! Think about it for a couple of months, so when you’re getting married you two will feel really good about this decision. Regardless what other people are saying! Because it’s your name, you have to live with it for the rest of your life! Let’s talk about changing your name in other countries! Hungary - I’m going to start with my country, although I didn’t get married there, I’m aware of the laws and expectations. Majority of women in Hungary still take their husband's family name, although keeping their maiden name is becoming more and more popular, just like here in the USA. But it used to be that the wife would take her husband's FULL name, not just the surname. At the end of his name she would attach a suffix “-né” to it, (neje, nője) which means “his wife” or “his woman”. For example if the husband's name is Greg Smith, (also in Hungry we change the order of our name) so he is Smith Greg, and his wife's name would be Smith Greg-né. Essentially the woman becomes an attachment to her husband. The little -né indicates that you are this man's wife. But, like I said, most women these days don't want to lose their name, and it’s also pretty difficult and complicated, especially in other countries and languages. Greece, France, Italy, Nederland, Belgium, Malaysia, Korea, Spain, Chile (and many other Spanish speaking countries) - Women keep their maiden name after they get married and it’s completely normal. Japan - Women are required by the law to change their names after marriage. (Unless they marry somebody from another country.) I also see lot’s of names combined with hyphens (which is also the excepted tradition in Germany), which is what I did. My name now is Edit Denning, and in Hungary it would be Denning Edit. Since in America it is important to have a middle name, for me it was obvious that I would just put my maiden name in the middle. That way a can keep my maiden name, I can have a middle name and I can also take my husband’s name. When I moved here and started my immigration process, it was very important for us to have all the paperwork ready for the green card! I think it would have been a red flag if I would have wanted to keep my maiden name after marrying my husband. I also choose my maiden name for my photography business, Edit Vasadi Photography. I like that it gives me that back story and cultural identity of who I am and where I came from. Speaking of family history! Did you know that now you can have your DNA tested to find out your ethnicity and family origin?! It’s a very cool opportunity that I haven’t done yet, but I’m really excited to find out more about my heritage. Here are a couple of services I found: Ancestry Familytreedna Myheritage (they have a Valentine’s day discount) Great article to help you decide which test to take: Smarterhobby Changing names for multicultural/intercultural couples You probably feel overwhelmed from all the pressure coming from family expectations and your friends’ opinions. You may be marrying somebody from a country that does not change names. Or maybe you don’t want to, but your husband is from a culture where it’s expected. Don’t start to read articles, watch videos, or try to get other people's opinion about this. Just get into your own head, and think about what’s really important to you and how would you and your partner feel about this. A couple of things to consider: 1, Look into your country’s laws and requirements when it comes to name changing after the marriage, so you don’t run into any issues when wanting to register your marriage, and to apply for documents (passport, immigration process..etc.) 2, If you live overseas and want to change your name from the other country, start at you local embassy by registering your marriage certificate. 3, What name will your kids have? If you and your spouse have different names, whose name will your kids take? // You can hyphenate both of your names, but that could end up being really long and complicated. // I heard some couples would make up their own surname after having children, and changing it for the whole family. // You may feel strongly about giving the opportunity to your kids to inherit and own a specific culture and ethnicity. 4, Is your name attached to you as your ethnicity, culture or faith and it’s very important for you? 5, By changing your name are your going to be identified by this other culture, nationality or ethnicity that would give you difficulties and challenges later in life? Unfortunately some people tend to quickly judge, make assumptions and stereotype us, just by seeing our name. So if this concerns you, discuss it with your partner. 6, Maybe taking you partner’s name is very important for their family heritage, so you’ll become part of this culture and traditions. You may feel like adopting this new culture as your own is a huge value in your life and you respect and appreciate this opportunity. *** Do you want to listen more of the GMM Podcast? Make sure to subscribe, so you don’t miss out on new episodes when they get published. What do you think about the Podcast? I love hearing back from my listeners, so if you’d like to share your opinion, you can leave me a review. ;) Btw, these reviews will also help other multicultural couples find this show. Let’s grow the GMM community! *** SHOW NOTES: http://editvasadi.com/fifteen/ GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/

As soon as I discovered the 90 day fiancé tv show, I was planning to share my story and experience about immigrating to America, and living here as a foreigner but proud citizen. Yes, I’ve been living under a rock, because I just now discovered this tv show called ‘90 day fiancé’. It’s been going on for a long time, I think they are airing season 6 or 7 right now, so I’m a little bit late to the game. But if you have never heard about it (and if you are in a multicultural/long distance relationship, you should!), it’s a tv show that follows couples who applied for K1 visa. It’s a fiancé visa which means that somebody from another country arrives to American with the goal to get married to their partner within 90 days. I mean! OMG, that’s exactly us!!! That’s me 10 years ago! So I immediately started watching from season 1, and become a big fan of the ‘90 day fiancé’ show! Because when I watch it, it brings up so many memories and so many things in my life that I had forgotten about. And to be honest the more I watch it, the more I see the reality tv show aspect of it. They are trying to focus on a specific feeling that they want to achieve from the viewers. So I’m thinking it’s not how those couples truly experienced their journey. These people make these big life decisions! Both of them! Those who are moving here to America, and those who are welcoming their partner into their home and life. I feel for those couples, because that what my husband and I did 10 years ago!   I hope that through my Getting Married Multiculturally Podcast and Group I will be able to connect more with people like them! I really root for all of you to win and get through this stage of your life, because it’s going to get better! 90 day fiancé unfortunately is questioning these couple’s intention to move to the USA just for the Green Card and to live in America. I know that for some people that’s the case, so the show is trying to find that out. But I wanted to share with you my journey, so you can see somebody’s experience who is not on the 90 day fiancé. :) I didn’t come here with the K1 visa, but I also had only 90 days to get married, otherwise I would have had to go back to Hungary, (or Italy where I lived at that time). In the same way I wasn’t able to work, because I didn’t have my Permanent Residence or the Green Card. We also had a very short time spent together physically in one place, before deciding that we want to get married, and that I’m going to move to America to live with Adam. (We had a 2 weeks vacation and before that we spent maybe 5 days total. And then in between those meetings we had a long distance relationship for 4-5 months.) It’s a very short time, plus add to that that I didn’t speak any English, so our communication was very basic. Which is not a good idea when you’re planning to commit to somebody for life! We had a ton of misunderstandings and miscommunication because of the language barrier. Although I did want Adam to come back to Italy, we ultimately decided that I will be the one moving to America, because Adam’s visa expired, he already had an established job, and I was also freshly out of school. So it was a good time for me to make the move. We got engaged during our vacation, and when Adam went back to the USA, I started preparing myself to move. I packed up everything in my apartment, quit my job in Milan, tried to squeeze everything that I owned I two suitcases. My parents took me out to the airport, and I had to say goodbye to them, not knowing when I would see them again. This was 10 years ago! I was super excited! I didn’t care about anything else but to finally be with Adam! After I arrived to the states we knew that I would have to start getting some documents ready, so we hired a lawyer to make sure we did this process in the proper way and not run into any issues. He told us that we need to get married, so we applied for the Marriage Certificate and 3 days later said our vows at the courthouse. Then we just kinda started our life together! Adam rented a little one bedroom apartment before I arrived, and started his full time job. Since I wasn’t able to work, I spent my days home alone studying, looking for jobs, running the household, learning the language, and getting to know the area. I felt so lucky that his family and friends accepted me, welcomed me, and made me feel at home. It never occurred to me that somebody would think or accuse me of just wanting to come here for a Green Card. Throughout this whole process and journey of moving into this new country, being with the man that I choose, leaving everything behind, saying goodbye to my family, not understanding the language and relying financially on my husband, I’m pretty lucky that nobody said that to my face. Because watching this show made me think that how come nobody asked me these questions? When I told Adam that I can move here so we can be together, it never went through my head that he would maybe think that I just want to come here to be in America. Did some people think that Adam brought a girl over here from Europe, who doesn’t even speak any English and can’t even work, and she is just going to be here sitting in the house alone for years?! That’s not a happy life! However, fate is funny, because I did end up staying at home for years. As my honeymoon phase quickly turned into a stay-at-home-mom life, I was still struggling with culture shock, learning the language and finding my place in my husband’s home. 4 years of this resulted our marriage becoming completely destroyed. We separated and started the divorce process. By then I already got my American citizenship, AND that was the point in my relationship when I got accused that I only came her for the Green Card! It’s interesting how things work out. When something goes wrong, people are trying to find a reason behind it. As all of you know we got through all of this! We’re good now, and have been for 5 years! We learned from our mistakes, started our relationship all over again, and we are in the better place than ever before. Do people immediately think that anybody who comes to the US for love and for marriage really only wants a Green Card? Now, 10 years after all of this crazy and unexpected journey I find the ‘90 days fiancé’ tv show that has stories of couples who are going through this same experience. It really brings up a lot of memories. And sometimes I get paranoid talking to strangers and trying to figure out what are they REALLY thinking about me?! After all I hope that my husband knows that’s not why I came here, and that’s all that matters to me! I would really love to hear your opinion and experience! And if you’re watching 90 days fiancé, what do you think about the show? Let's chat over at my GMM group! GMM SHOW NOTES: editvasadi.com/90dayfiance INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/ *** Do you want to listen more of the Getting Married Multiculturally Podcast? Make sure to subscribe, so you don’t miss out on new episodes when they get published. What do you think about the GMM Podcast? I love hearing back from my listeners, so if you’d like to share your opinion, you can leave me a review. ;) Btw, these reviews will also help other multicultural couples find this show. Let’s grow the GMM community! ***

It is my birthday week, so today I want to share some thoughts and experiences from my small multicultural world. I don’t really like talking about me, but I hope that putting myself out of my comfort zone will help others who are struggling through culture shock and self acceptance. I live in a culture that’s very competitive and fast paced. We also like to give labels to people, and put them in boxes, instead of accepting that everybody is different in their own way. There are so many things that society expects us to do, and when to do it: When to get married,... buy a house,... have kids,... get a promotion,... travel...etc. So when my birthday is here it makes me reflect on my years, and I get nervous because of where I am in in my life at this moment. In this year. At this age. But I’m trying to be more aware of my feelings, and to be ok with the order and pace that things are happening for me. Everything has a reason! There were so many things that I didn’t think through when I was younger, and when I was getting into a relationship with somebody from a different culture. Or when I decided to move to a foreign country. Did you ever feel like you are not where you should be or want to be in your life? Many of us in a multicultural relationship have to start their life over. Moving to their partner’s country or finding a new home together. I did it 4 times in my life! First at age 10, moving from Serbia to Hungary, then to Italy, when I was 25. Soon after I followed my husband to the US, and our latest move was to Arizona. I shouldn’t compare myself to other couples and families who never had to make drastic changes. But I kinda had these excuses all the time: ‘it didn’t happen because I had babies’, or ‘it didn't happen because I had to move to a place where I don't know anybody’, or ‘it didn’t happen because my marriage was in a really bad place’...blah, blah. We need to be ok with ourselves and the consequences of our decisions. We need to be ok with the way things are happening in our life and except that. Look for the benefits, instead of the negative things that are holding you back. I’m sure that lot of people are jealous of us and admire our bravery that we were able to move somewhere, learn a new language, or that we want to live our whole life with somebody who has a different language and culture from us. That we want to live in a foreign country that’s completely strange for us. Instead of feeling bad that there are certain things we couldn’t achieve in our life, we should be proud of our choices. Embrace and enjoy it! I wish I wouldn’t have got married so fast, because we would have had more time to explore and to get to know each other, and slowly evolve and mature our relationship into a marriage. I wish I wouldn’t have had kids so soon, because my husband and I could have had more time to spend together. I wish I would have started my business earlier, but I didn’t believe in myself enough. But that’s what makes me ME, and everything in my life happened for a reason! Getting married so soon forced us to grow up and mature our relationship faster, so we can get through those bumps faster. And gave me a security that I will live with this person forever. I feel lucky that I had kids so soon, because now I have time to work on my passion. I feel lucky that I was able to stay home with both of my girls and raise them the way I wanted, share my culture and spend time with them. If I would have started my career before kids, I would have never been able to give them that time. That’s why I think that everything has a reason! My husband and I had a lot of challenging conversations about spending tons of money on traveling to Europe to visit my family every year! Which held us back from buying a house or put our finances towards something else. And I feel very very lucky that we were able to do that, because I know that there are lots of families who can’t afford to see each other for years! I’m very thankful for my husband’s willingness to sacrifice that for me. It was definitely a really big help when I was struggling with loneliness and culture shock. I’m thankful for my parents not getting upset with me, because they can’t see their grandkids growing up, or because I left everything behind to live in another country. First we need to learn to be happy about the choices that we made! To accept our journey and all the unplanned events. We have to see the meaning and find the reason why everything is happening. Other people will have different journeys and that’s ok! There will be days when you’re going to feel like it’s too much!. Why didn’t I just stay in my country, so life wouldn't be so complicated? Why did I have to make this so hard for my family? But believe me, it’s all worth it, and it is going to get better! Sometimes we intentionally choose this lifestyle, sometimes we fall into it, or sometimes we are just born into it. I was born and raised in Yugoslavia, a country with many different nationalities, religions, and somewhat similar languages. I grew up in surrounded by diversity,, but I never thought that this would become part of my life forever. I wouldn’t say that I was always proud of it! In Yugoslavia as a Hungarian family we were in the minority, and I remember my parents telling me to keep my culture quiet. Then living in Hungary I felt like a minority again, because I came from another country. In Italy I was always that foreign girl who will never be accepted. Then I moved to America and I had a lot of self consciousness from not being American. I wouldn’t even speak Hungarian with my baby in public, because I didn’t wanted people looking and judging me. Now I wish I wouldn’t have given up on this so quickly, and that I would have been just proud of my culture and language! Those of us who came from a different culture, language and nationality, we tend to have this self consciousness or shame inside. We try to hide who we are.   *** Do you want to listen more of the GMM Podcast? Make sure to subscribe, so you don’t miss out on new episodes when they get published. What do you think about the Podcast? I love hearing back from my listeners, so if you’d like to share your opinion, you can leave me a review. ;) Btw, these reviews will also help other multicultural couples find this show. Let’s grow the GMM community! *** SHOW NOTES: http://editvasadi.com/13 GMM COMMUNITY: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gettingmarriedmulticulturally/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/editvasadi/