Messy Family Podcast : Catholic conversations on marriage and family

'Cause I love you more than you could know And your heart, it grows every time it breaks I know that it might sound strange But I wish you pain  - “Wish You Pain” by Andy Grammar   Summary Every parent wants to keep their kids safe, but is it possible to keep them “too safe”?  In this podcast episode we dive into the overwhelming cult of safety-ism, which makes keeping your child from all pain and suffering an idol. Children are really “antifragile” - meaning that they need to have an appropriate amount of stress physically, mentally and emotionally to be able to become resilient.  Over-protecting and keeping kids from physical or emotional pain only makes them more anxious and risk-averse.  We have lots of examples of giving kids freedom, and the results aren't always what you think!  Like so much of parenting, you need to keep in mind the stage of development your child is in to be able to expose them to appropriate risks.  You don't let your 12 yr old wander down a dark alley, but you should let them go into the grocery store alone.  Listen in for some encouragement as well as tips and tricks to not keeping your kids safe, but making them strong!     Key Takeaways Do all you can to keep kids in Discover Mode.  Exploring is what kids do and it will keep them curious and confident. Don't keep them safe, make them strong. Children will get hurt, get sick, get disappointed, cry with frustration…. Because they are human!   Attachment to parents is key to give kids a secure base Fearful parenting keeps kids close too much and for too long Children need play-based childhood.    Couple Discussion Questions How were we raised?  Were we raised in a home that was in Discovery Mode or Defend Mode?  Assess our family right now in light of safety vs. appropriate risk.  How are our children being raised?  What can we do to improve our family's Discovery Mode for the long term benefit of our children?  

Our vows are for life, and we need overwhelming grace to live them out - Kevin Wells   Summary If you ever thought your marriage was in such bad shape that you simply did not know what to do, this podcast is for you.  We were so blessed to be able to talk to Kevin Wells, the author of The Hermit: The Priest Who Saved a Soul, a Marriage, and a Family.  This interview is deep because Kevin and his wife Krista have been through the fire together and it is only by the grace of God that they both survived.  Our discussion includes the indissolubility of the marriage vows, how marriage makes you holy sometimes by bringing you to the desert, and the powerful role that our priests can take in shepherding our souls and bringing Jesus to us.  Kevin's perspective is incredibly hopeful because he has seen the power of God!  Take time to listen to his story and use the lessons he gives to draw closer to the source of life for all of our marriages - the Lord Himself.  Key Takeaways When a person experiences shame, they always need an outlet for that shame.  Sometimes its themselves and people turn inward, and sometimes it is someone else.   Satan is a total jerk.  He uses wounds from our childhood, when we were innocent victims, to beat us up and tell us the lie that we are not worthy of love.  Every addiction is hiding a wound.  To be truly free from addiction, that wound needs to be healed.   When you are in the “desert” of a troubled marriage, the only way to get through is complete reliance on God.  He calls us deeper into the desert to rest, abide, and surrender.  Our vows are for life and this is an impossible task.  It can only be accomplished by the grace of God Priests are custodians of the souls of those within their parish.  When one of these souls is in error, they need the Holy Spirit to speak with firmness and candor.  Anything less is false charity and false mercy.    Couple Discussion Questions Are there areas of our life or marriage that aren't completely surrendered to God?  How can we surrender everything to Him?  Are there priests in our lives who are true shepherds to us?  How can we support and love our priest better?     https://ignatius.com/the-hermit-hermp/

What is the rhythm of leadership in your family?   Summary Every relationship relies on communication, but when you operate as a family with many members, communication can become difficult!  Kids can get lost in the chaos, plans get forgotten, chores undone, and mom and dad are constantly putting out fires.  In comes the miracle of the Family Meeting!  Well, let's rephrase that… A family meeting will not solve ALL your problems but it is a great step forward in leading your family and living life intentionally.  In this podcast, we discuss the REAL purpose of a family meeting (and it's not about information shared!) and how effective meetings can satisfy one of the three fundamental needs of the human person.  Listen in to find out why you need to get this on your family's calendar today.     Key Takeaways FMs give you an opportunity to lead intentionally and gives children the experience of belonging, a fundamental need Start with Prayer and Engagement Present something briefly - your observations, information or inspiration. Keep in mind your family's values Hear from the kids - This is key.  It is where they will feel seen and heard. Get on the same page - coordinate the running of the home Commit to it and make it happen - don't give up! Depend on grace!    Couple Discussion Questions How would a family meeting benefit us right now?  What is the best time for us to do this?   What would be the key elements for us?  

If forgiveness isn't hard, you aren't doing it right - Dan Meola Summary  Many parents struggle with their children--not because of the kids, but because of the wounds they are carrying from their own parents.  The only path for healing those wounds is forgiveness.  But how do we forgive, especially when the hurts are deep and real?  In this podcast we sat down with Dan Meola, the founder of Life Giving Wounds, a ministry for adult children of divorce.  We talked about the importance of forgiveness,  what it is--and what it is not.  To define true forgiveness, Dan walks us through the seven marks of forgiveness that bring insight to this path to true reconciliation and healing.    Key Takeaways No matter how you have been hurt you need to let go of the grudge and forgive.  Unforgiveness hurts us, hurts those around us, and prevents our healing.  If forgiveness isn't hard, you aren't doing it right.  Christianity is the only religion that requires forgiveness, even if it is unilateral.  This is impossible by human standards and can only be done by God's grace.  The Seven Marks are: It is specific It is an ongoing process. Can be unilateral Means you still have boundaries It is a choice, not a feeling Enables you to let go of anger, resentment, and to cancel past debts Is only possible with the grace of God  

“If we accept that God's love is unconditional, that the Father's love cannot be bought or sold, then we will become capable of showing boundless love and forgiving others even if they have wronged us” - Pope Francis in Amoris Laetitia Summary:  Becoming a husband and father is the biggest change a man goes through in his life.  There is simply no better “life-coaching” than family life!  But when men find their vocation difficult, it is usually their wives that they turn to or who observe this difficulty and have a desire to help.  In this podcast, we hear from women who have questions about how to support and help their husbands overcome challenges at work, at home, and in their personal lives.  So many wives want their husbands to be the best men they can be and overcome vices of sloth, anger, and lust but they aren't sure how to help.  Sometimes wives can take action, but in other situations, it's best for wives to be supportive and keep their advice to themselves.  When do you know which is right?  Listen in to find out!   Key Takeaways Wives need to be very careful when it comes to giving husbands advice or correction regarding his relationship with work.  It is a source of great respect for men, so this topic should be delicately considered.  Men need to be needed.  If wives are doing everything and then complaining that he isn't stepping up, realize that you are probably doing too much.   Overcoming anger requires introspection and being curious about why it arises within you at certain times.  Usually the “trigger” is not really your child, but something that your child is doing or saying that is touching an unresolved issue in yourself.  We need to take time to think about these things and give ourselves space to consider them and bring God into that situation so He can heal us.  If you have a husband who is at a different place spiritually than you, be patient.  Honor his journey as being different from your own.    

“You're not just parenting your children… you are parenting your grandchildren”   Summary Have you ever walked through a thousand-year-old castle or along a wall built by Romans nearly a millennium ago? On a recent trip to the UK, we were struck by the longevity of these structures—and the intentionality behind them. They weren't built to last a season, but centuries. In this episode, we challenge you to think the same way about your family culture. Are you parenting just for today… or are you building something that will bless your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren? Family culture is the invisible architecture of your home. It gives your children identity, belonging, and purpose. It's what lasts long after the rules and schedules fade. And if we build it with care, rooted in faith and virtue, it can be a source of strength for generations to come. Key Takeaways Parenting is more than just what is happening today.  We have to have a long term vision for our family Your family culture matters more than ever.  This is where children learn who they are, where they belong, and what they are made for If we want to build a legacy, we need to build with stone, not straw or wood.  Set up traditions that can be passed on to the next generation - things that are simple and repeatable.  Consider the legacy that you have received from your family, culture, and especially from our Catholic faith.   Legacy doesn't happen by accident. It starts with small, intentional acts of love—right now. Couple discussion Consider writing down some thoughts on the legacy you want to leave.  What's one tradition, habit, or value you want to start building into your family this week that will move you closer to that legacy?

“Unleashing the heart of the Father is a power the world does not know.”   Summary God wants us to know Him as a father.  We as parents are to prepare the hearts of our children to know the father by acting like him.  So when our children wonder what God is like, we should be able to say to them, “God loves you as I love you, but so much better”.  For us to do that, we need to know what God is like, so we can act as him.  In this podcast we break open the Word of God to share with you how God describes Himself in the Bible and how we can come to know Him better by reading what He has told us!     Key Takeaways God wants to “father” His people in the Old Testament Isaiah 64:8 Jeremiah 31:20 Deuteronomy 14:1 Jesus says he has come “from the Father”  that He is a son John 14 Matt 11:25 John 16:23  Jesus tells us that WE are sons and that God is Our Father too! Matthew 23:9 Matthew 6:6   1 John 3:1 Galatians 4:6 Luke 12:32 2 Corinthians 6:16-18 John 20:17 Why does this matter?  Because we are to be like Our Father.  We as parents are to act like him, imitate Him, take on His characteristics in flesh so our children can believe they have a heavenly Father who loves them, will always be there and never fail them.  Psalm 103:13 Matt7:10   Couple Discussion How does God want to be a father to us?  To our children?  Are there any obstacles to us calling God “Father”?  Take some time to pray into those this week.    

"Never be embarrassed to love your wife." – Chris McMahon​   Summary What does it take to build a thriving business and a strong marriage at the same time? In this episode, Mike sits down with longtime friends Chris and Molly McMahon—financial advisors, founders, parents of five, and marriage warriors. Together, they unpack the real story behind balancing ambition with family, building a faith-filled home without a perfect blueprint, and making decisions that prioritize your marriage even when the world says otherwise. From the mess of early parenthood and maxed-out credit cards to spiritual renewal and raising adult kids with a legacy of love, the McMahons share wisdom from 36 years of marriage. Get ready for candid stories, practical advice, and heartfelt encouragement for couples trying to do it all without losing what matters most. Topics include: Why full transparency is non-negotiable in marriage How to prioritize your spouse even in seasons of hustle Reclaiming Sundays and breaking free from the “frantic family” pace Making faith central—even in business And don't miss your chance to sign up for the Family Board Meeting, a transformative way to lead your family with intention: messyfamilyproject.org Key Takeaways Put your spouse first.  Connect with them and make them a priority no matter what is happening at work. Talk about your spouse with love and respect always to others.  Be a witness in the workplace.  Put up a sacred image, hold a high standard for yourself and be bold about sharing your faith.  Never accept the standards of the world for success.  If you feel like both of you “have” to work to get ahead or buy a house, don't accept that!  Think outside the box Make time for the things that matter.  Be intentional with how you spend your time and money.  If God has blessed you, be a blessing to others. God will give you a mission - respond!       Couple Discussion Questions   How can we use our time intentionally to prioritize each other? How can we live in a way that puts our marriage first?  What is the mission that God is asking us to go on two by two?  What is the particular way we can serve Him as a married couple?  

The only way to not live constantly in the Urgent is to manage those things that are Important.   Summary “How are  you?” “BUSY!” Isn't that the response so many of us give when asked this question?  How did we all get so busy and how do we get off the crazy train?  Parents have as much time as anyone else (even though it doesn't feel like it!) but they need to be more conscious than anyone else regarding how they spend the precious time they have.  In this podcast, we give five steps that parents can use right now to use their time wisely.  Using the Eisenhower matrix of Important/Urgent we will show you how to manage those things that are Important (children and all their needs!) so we aren't always living in the Urgent.  Parents must be careful on how they spend time because days turn into weeks, and then years, and then kids are gone!  Childhood is short and we need to be very intentional on how we spend our precious time with our precious children.   Key Takeaways We all need to evaluate how we are spending our time.  If you always feel like you are putting out important fires, then you need to learn how to manage those things so your life isn't always “urgent”. To make sure you take care of those relationships that are essential in your life, you have to schedule an appointment.  Put on your schedule prayer time, date night, special time.   One essential way to live a balanced life is to create routines that will build good habits for you and your children.  Make your time purposeful.  It's not always about the quantity of time, it's also the quality of that time.  Keep in mind your mission!  The mission of your family is to confer identity, belonging and purpose upon your children.   If you don't do it, they will seek that out from others and that is a scary prospect.   Couple Discussion Questions Let's evaluate our time. Are always putting out fires? Do we feel our life is frantic?  How can we identify pain points and create routines to address them? What is the best way to use our time together?  What are the needs in our marriage and how can we satisfy those needs when we are together?  How can we use our time better with our children? What would they like to do?    

"God gives us our children to heal and transform us." - Kyle Wester   Summary In many ways, being a parent is less about our kids and more about our own formation!  When we lean into the vocation of parenthood, God can use every experience with our children to show us His love and to form us into the person He has created us to be.  In this podcast, we talk to Kyle and Sara Wester, counselors and hosts of the podcast The Art of Raising Humans. During our conversation, they explained four different parenting styles that we move in and out of depending on our life circumstances, how our marriage is actually the most important parenting tool we have, and how our understanding of who we are in the eyes of God affects how we relate to our kids.  This podcast is full of great insights for parents and we know you will gain from the Wester's wisdom.     Key Takeaways Children need to be taught relationship skills and correct behavior.  The most powerful way they learn is by watching how you relate to your spouse.  God gives us our children to heal and transform us.  To love our children effectively, we need to first receive God's love for us personally.  Every conflict with our spouse or children is about expectations.   When our child exhibits behavior that is inappropriate for a situation, we need to ask ourselves, “What is this behavior telling me about this child?” Discipline comes from discipleship and the foundation of discipleship is relationship.  We all must work on having a deep and rich relationship with our children to form them.   There are 4 different parenting styles that we move through depending on our life circumstances.  We don't always choose what is best, but we can keep in mind the goal of Loving Guidance and move towards that.  Recommended books from the Westers: Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by by Rebecca Bailey Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen No Drama Discipline by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson   Couple Discussion Questions Are we happy with how we are modeling conflict resolution for our children? How can we do this better?  What in our children do we see in ourselves?  Write these things down.  Do we love these things in ourselves? Why or why not?   Resources:   The Art of Raising Humans Podcast Link    Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumans   Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumans?igsh=MXkyOGRwbzJ2ZDF1MQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@artofraisinghumans?_t=8itlE1tnZSF&_r=1

“Lovemaking puts flesh on the vows that we exchange in marriage” - Byron and Francine Pirola   Summary A few years ago in Australia, we met an amazing couple who we immediately wanted to share with our listeners.  Byron and Francine Piroloa from Smart Loving, are on a mission to make marriages stronger all over the world and they are willing to talk about that subject that few couples will tackle - physical intimacy.  We aired this podcast five years ago and it got such a great response that we decided to put it up again for all of you.  Listen in as we talk to the Pirolas about how and why you should make time for sex, how the arousal pattern for men is different from women and why sex gets better and better the longer you are married!  This is a podcast filled with wisdom, but also laughter and honesty.  We hope you will enjoy listening as much as we enjoyed talking to them!    Key Takeaways Anything precious and unique needs rules to be protected.  That is why the Church gives us boundaries in this area to teach us how to be appropriately vulnerable in our marital relationships A person's sexual prime is in their 20s, but our erotic prime is reached in our 50s. This is a culmination of our relationship and our intimacy that is built over time.  Sexual relations can slip into the “recreational” category in our minds when we are trying to survive.  The antidote is seeing sex as a sacred communication that needs to be prioritized.  Desire, arousal, climax, resolution is a typical male pattern.  For most women the pattern is different - arousal, or foreplay, creates desire in the woman.   We need to work and train our brains to connect with our spouse emotionally, to be present, so the intimacy that we share emotionally and physically.    Couple Discussion Questions How are we creating a romantic environment in our relationship?  Where are we making space for marital relations? How are we opening our hearts to our spouse in lovemaking?  Can we work on being present to our spouse and retrain our brains to focus on them?    Resources Free Conversation Starter on Sexual Intimacy: https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/physical-intimacy/ Smart Loving  Marriage Kit https://smartloving.org/marriage-kit/ www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com Family Board Meeting April Course https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting/  

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.  Genesis 2:24   Summary Unity between man and woman was God's original plan, but the Fall not only broke our relationship with God, it also broke our relationship with each other.  But the good news is that Jesus has given us grace in the sacrament of Matrimony so we can have a oneness in marriage that would be impossible otherwise!  With unity, couples can handle anything life dishes out. Without it, even the easy things will seem hard. Couples need to constantly be striving for unity, because if spouses aren't intentional, those marriages will drift apart!  In this podcast, we will give you three tools - honoring, forgiveness, and vulnerability - that you can use to start moving towards your spouse.  We need to intentionally use these tools to work towards the greater unity within the gift of marriage that God has for us.     Key Takeaways All couples must strive for unity - if you float along, you will drift apart Unity was what we were made for, but the fall introduced distrust into the male/female relationships There are three things you can do to move towards unity:  honoring, forgiveness, and vulnerability On the scale of Affirmation/Criticism, choose to honor your spouse, even publicly to build them up On the scale of Resentment/Forgiveness, choose to forgive them instead of being resentful of their shortcomings On the scale of Detachment/Intimacy we need to choose vulnerability and openness to our spouse.    Couple Discussion Questions On a scale of 1-10, how are we doing in our unity? In which of the three areas can we do better?  Which one of these three areas is the most challenging for me?  Why do I think that is?     Resources Free Mini-Marriage Retreat:  https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/mini-marriage-check-in/ Register for the Family Board Meeting!  https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting/ Easter Webinar Register here…. www.Catholiccouplesgetaway.com  

Vices are our disordered way of fulfilling our God-given good desires.    Summary So many of us thought we were good people till we had kids, right?  This is because kids expose our weaknesses and we need to be aware of them in order to overcome them.  Listen in as we reveal Satan's plan for you and lay out God's great plan of using our rightly ordered desires to develop virtues and live according to His plan.   The desires that God has put in our hearts for dignity, communion, justice, and peace are all good, but when we try to fulfill them on our own, they can lead to vice, or repeated bad habits.  We do this because we are all fallen, wounded people!  But the good news is that we just need to tap into learning how to satisfy those desires in the best way, which is what God intended for us.  This is a snapshot from our video series we are doing for our Cana90 Fellowship this year.  In that series, each vice gets its own video where we break it down and show how we as parents are particularly susceptible to falling into it.  Join the Fellowship here for the rest of the series!    Key Takeaways Vices are our disordered desires.  Every vice has a longing or desire behind it and a corresponding virtue to help overcome it.  Parents struggle with vices in particular ways that may not have been evident before they had kids.   Envy is the longing for Dignity and it comes from the fear that we will not be seen, known, and acknowledged.  We get this from our Heavenly Father!  Sloth is the longing for Peace and it causes us to choose a “fake peace” that comes from ignoring problems instead of working through them.    Couple Discussion Questions Where do I struggle to act?  What situations would I rather ignore than deal with? Write down some ideas.  Try them each day one at a time.  What is one thing I can do to make this room/situation/gathering better? How can I be proactive?  Think of when someone else was kind to you.  How did it make you feel?  List 25 things you can do to make the lives of others around you more pleasant   References Bishop Barron's series on the Seven Deadly Sins https://www.wofdigital.org/seven-deadly-sins-seven-lively-virtues Broken Gods by Dr. Gregory Popcak https://amazon.com/dp/B00N6PETQ2?ref=KC_GS_GB_US Cana90 Fellowship  https://messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/

A problem with disrespect from a child always goes back to a dysfunction in the parent-child relationship.   Summary When our sweet children enter the teen years and adolescence is upon them, something happens that tends to cause parents stress and dismay - back talk and disrespect.  Some of this is immaturity on the part of the child and some is simply lack of training in relationships.  It is our job as parents to teach our children how to express their feelings, disagree, and even debate while maintaining an attitude of respect towards us and therefore, other people in their lives.  The family is the training ground for life!  In this podcast we will give you some perspective on the struggles teens have, tell you what NOT to do and explain the Three C's of responding to a mouthy teen.  Listen in!   Key Takeaways A disrespectful child is, simply put, someone no one wants to be around. But the good news is that parents can change this!  We can help our child become someone we not just love, but like.   Yelling, punishing, taking things personally, and debating with your teen does not work.  Avoid these reactions.  Tweens and teens need us to guide them on acceptable ways of speaking to others.  This will help them be successful in many areas of life.  CONTROL YOURSELF - If you are triggered by your teen and fly off the handle, ask yourself why and get your emotional life in order.  CONSEQUENCES - It is our responsibility to help them see what happens when they don't control their tongue.  The world's consequences will be much harder than ours!  COACH - We need to point our teens towards adulthood so they can see we are not treating them as a child, we are teaching them how to be an adult.  Couple Discussion Questions Are we happy with the way that our children speak to us?  Can we identify areas of difficulty with them?  What would be a quick, acceptable consequence for our child's disrespect?  Which one of us would be best to talk to them about this?  How can we coach our child to do better?    Links: Link to Cana90 https://messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/ Link to Beloved Event https://arrayofhope.regfox.com/beloved  

A husband and wife may disagree on many things, but they must absolutely agree on this: to never, ever give up.   Summary When we did our listener survey, you asked for interviews of regular families who have raised children through to adulthood with grace and courage.  Well, we have a treat for you!  A few years ago we met Brian and Joanna Simpson of London ONT who have run the Family Foundations Institute for the past 25  years.  They also have 9 children and over 35 grandchildren and they are a witness to the goodness of God despite difficulty and heartache.  In this episode, they tell some of their story, but also give wisdom to young families on what should be the most important things in your home and how to create a home focused on God and loving each other.  We really enjoyed our time with them and we know you will too!   Key Takeaways Forgiveness in the family is key - modeling it for the children with them and with your spouse.  The husband as the head of the household is the one who carries the responsibility in the family, not only authority.  Wise spouses realize that the best decisions are done together in unity.  When tragedy and suffering happens in the family, as it inevitably will, God can still be present and make something truly beautiful out of it when we trust Him.  Personal prayer and trust in God's love for you is key to building a family of faith and prayer.   When our conflict stays in the dark, the Evil One has more power. It is best to be honest and vulnerable, even if you don't do it perfectly, because then you can work to actively build unity.     Couple Discussion Questions What things are important to us in our household and how are we communicating that?   How do we support each other in our roles as husband and wife/mom and dad in the family?    Resources:  Family Foundations Institute https://famfi.ca/ Link to Cana90 https://messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/ Link to Beloved Event https://arrayofhope.regfox.com/beloved  

Super Habits are like superpowers: as you develop any one of them, your life becomes calmer, more productive, more joyful, and healthier. - Dr. Andrew Abela   Summary Have you ever wanted to stop yelling at your kids?  Be more courteous to your spouse?  Or be more orderly at home?  Enter Super Habits!  These are not just new things for you to learn to do, these are life-changing actions that will make you happier, healthier and more successful in many areas.  In this interview, we spoke to Dr. Andrew Abela, author of the book Super Habits and his wife Kathleen who explained to us how to apply this book to family life.  They gave us some great insights and showed us how Super Habits can be the answer to what we all need in our parenting and marriages.  And the best part is that these habits are already present in us, we just need to activate them.  Listen in!    Key Takeaways Every virtue is a habit anyone can cultivate, not just a characteristic or personality trait.  We can all grow and change.  All new habits create new neurological pathways in our brains, but the advantage of Super Habits is that these are pathways that are native to us already, we already have the “muscles”; we just need to use them.  Super habits do three things - they make us happier, healthier, and they have a positive effect on multiple areas of our lives.    St. Thomas Aquinas has the best system of organizing the virtues! We all need fluency in the language of virtues.  All growth in Super Habits is slow and steady so keep going!  Virtue happens when we channel our desires correctly - not squash them.  Growth in Super Habits is the answer to “helicopter” or “bulldozer” parenting  We need to be aware of the full range of virtues for the full flourishing of the human person.    Couple Discussion Questions In what ways have we already developed some Super Habits?  How did we do that?  What Super Habit will help us in our parenting?  How can we support each other in cultivating it?   Resources Link to Sophia press book Andrew Abela Linked In - send video clips so he can embed them there.  https://superhabit.substack.com/ Link to Cana90 https://messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/ Link to Beloved Event https://arrayofhope.regfox.com/beloved  

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Eph 6:4 In this episode of the Messy Family Podcast, hosts Mike and Alicia Hernon celebrate their 10th year of the podcast and introduce the new studio, setting the stage for a discussion on fatherhood and leadership in the home. They emphasize that while fathers are called by God to lead, many struggle to understand what that truly means in a world that often undermines their role. True leadership is not about domination but about serving, sacrificing, and guiding with love, following Christ's example. A father's success is measured by the unity in his marriage and family, and when discord arises, it signals a need to recalibrate leadership. Mike and Alicia challenge men to overcome passivity, a struggle rooted in Adam's sin, and to step up, protect, and guide their families with intentional love. Practical steps for dads include pursuing their wives first, taking initiative in family life, loving sacrificially, and leading with unity in mind. They highlight research showing that a father's presence has a profound impact on his children's faith, success, and well-being. While many men feel incompetent in the home, undervalue their influence, or struggle with passivity, Mike and Alicia encourage them to embrace the God-given mission of fatherhood with confidence, knowing that great men and strong fathers are desperately needed today.   Key Takeaways Husbands are called to lead in the home because this is how God is going to make them holy and you were created to give first to be able to receive. You know you are leading when there is unity, when you are challenged, and when your wife feels safe. Men need to go in to battle and fight against the tendency to be passive or to avoid what they do not feel competent at. Never doubt how important you are in the life of your wife and children - they need you!   Couple Discussion Questions Are we happy with our roles of leading our family right now? How are we doing? How can I (wife) support you (husband) in leading our family?   For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Families don't just have a mission, they ARE a mission!    Summary When we hear “missionary” many of us automatically think of a single person serving in a third world country.  Then we think, “not me!”  But the reality is that all Catholics are called by their baptism to spread the good news of Jesus throughout the world.  We do that first and foremost in our homes, through the pastoral care of our spouse and children, but there are other ways we can spread the Good News to the world. In this podcast, we interview Tim and Maggie Glemkowski, parents with a heart for mission.  Tim most recently led the National Eucharistic Congress and continues to serve as the executive director of Amazing Parish.  He and Maggie share their story of the struggles they have gone through with their calling and the faithfulness of God through it all.  Their understanding of how to be a family on mission for others is inspiring and encouraging.  Listen in!    Links: Interested in taking your family on a mission trip?  Contact the Family Mission Experience at www.soltfme.org

Summary Since 2018 we have been doing surveys of our listeners to find out who you are, how we can serve you more, and what your needs are.  We have never shared this information with our listeners until now!  Over the years we have had thousands of listeners take this survey and it's interesting to see what has remained the same and what has changed.  We thought it would be encouraging to you to hear that you are not alone!  The struggles that you have told us about are shared by other moms and dads too.  Listen in as we talk about the make-up of most of our listeners, what they told us, and what plans are for the future.  There were also some questions that came up in the survey that we responded to as well.      Links Last call for the survey!  Closing Jan 31, 2025  https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/T59LDRY   UK Tour - if you are interested in joining us for any events check out our page here!   www.messyfamilyproject.org/uk-tour-2025  

“Catholic parenting is above all a work of grace” - Fr. Carter Griffin We often say there is no manual for being a parent, but this book comes pretty close!  In this podcast, we interview the author of Forming Families, Forming Saints Fr. Carter Griffin.  Fr. Griffin has worked for years forming young men into priests in the seminary setting.  In doing so, he saw many similarities between what he was doing with young men and what parents were doing at home.  The four pillars of formation in the seminary - human, intellectual, spiritual, and apostolic - can be applied in the family as well! In both settings, ultimately God is the one who does the transforming in people's lives, but He does choose to use us in the process. We believe this book is a valuable resource for parents that they will be able to refer to again and again.     Key Concepts Parents are proxies. God is the ultimate shaper of their hearts and minds, but He chooses to use us in the lives of our children In the past decade or so there has been an emphasis on the importance of childhood and parenting on a person's life.  This knowledge is good, but it also has put an incredible amount of pressure on parents to “do it right”.  The four pillars of seminary formation - Human, Spiritual, Intellectual, and Apostolic can be applied for parents forming children within the home.   The most successful parents create an environment of trust in the home through continual dialogue with their children while sending the message that they don't just love their kids, but they like them too!  Parents need to know they are not alone! There are many other families working alongside you and we have a great cloud of witnesses cheering us on.  Couple Discussion Consider the four pillars that Fr. Griffith describes.  How is our child doing in each of these?  Can we make a goal for them in each area?  Are we overwhelmed by the responsibility of parenting?  How can we rely on God more for the grace that we need and for the grace that our children need?   Resources Father's book:  Forming Families, Forming Saints: https://stpaulcenter.com/product/forming-families-forming-saints/ Find out more about our UK tour in March - https://messyfamilyproject.org/uk-tour-2025/ Event in New Jersey with Array of Hope - Beloved https://arrayofhope.regfox.com/beloved

At the beginning of 2025 we want to challenge parents to step back and reassess their approach to family life by diving into 10 Things to Stop Doing in 2025.  Are you focusing too much on your kids? Caught up in the frantic pace of life? Trying to "fix" your spouse or juggle it all? Let us give you some heartfelt encouragement to let go of habits that create stress, disconnection, and overwhelm. We guarantee this episode is packed with insights that will inspire you to parent with purpose and peace. Let's start the year by simplifying, slowing down, and focusing on what really matters!  Listen in and get ready to share and bookmark this episode to listen to again and again!   Free Family Board Meeting Webinar: https://messyfamilyproject.org/fbm-webinar/

“Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself. I mean do not be disheartened by your imperfections, but always rise up with fresh courage” - St. Francis deSales   Summary What God asks of us as parents is beyond our ability.  We are all in need of God's grace and that comes through prayer! Now, before you think, “I do not have time for prayer….” take a pause and listen to this episode.  First, remember, we have been there! We had 3 kids under 3, 7 kids under 10 and then 10 under 16!  We know that the crazy pace of life can make us feel like we can never catch our breath.  That being said, we must persevere through the different seasons of life and make sure that we are consistently connected to the source of all life.  Listen in to find ways of “sneaking in” prayer throughout your day, what you may have to let go of, and what you should be able to accomplish. Do not lose heart!  Prayer is not only possible, but it is essential for us to live the life God is calling each of us to.    Key Takeaways The spiritual responsibility of our home lies with parents and it always has. They are essential because they are the first witnesses of the faith to their children.   You cannot be an effective parent without prayer Take advantage of all types of prayer, but we usually need to work the most on prayer of contemplation.  This is where we grow in relationship with God in a personal way.  If we need to grow it is going to cost us.  There is no easy button.  There are seasons in life, and our devotion needs to match it.   Take advantage of the seasons of the year to start fresh!    Couple Discussion Questions What type of prayer are we taking advantage of right now?  How well are we doing it?  How can we support each other in growing in our prayer life?  Resources MFP180 Monks, Parents, and Prayer Our webpage with resources on prayer  

Kids will not always remember what you say, they will remember how they felt.     Summary We have talked about the time between Thanksgiving and New Year's being the “Momolympics”, a time when there are tons of things to buy, make, prepare, plan, and basically the happiness of your children all depends on you (at least we feel that way!) How can parents embrace the holidays with children with grace and excitement?  How can we keep in mind what is truly important for our family?  In this episode we give some principles, but also LOTS of practical advice as we look back on all the different holidays we have had with our large family.  Things look different now for us, but we can see in hindsight what worked well for us, and what was unnecessarily stressful!  This is an amazing time of year and when you have kids the happy times are even more joy-filled, but the tough times can be really exhausting.  We are here for you as you work to be intentional, even if you are a messy family!    Key Takeaways The more you plan in advance the less rushed you are going to be. This will help you simplify so you can focus on what really matters.   Keep in mind the order of your family culture!  Spiritual life of the home, marriage, relationships, developing gifts and then the operations of the family.  Get the kids involved!  When they own traditions, it strengthens your family culture when they take on responsibilities for the holidays.   Couple Discussion Questions What are the traditions that we want to double down on and make sure they happen this year?  How are we going to reduce stress and delegate work to the kids?  What is our plan to get them involved?   Resources Throwback Friday: Toys! by Regina Schmiedicke MFP267: Toys and the Imagination  MFP036 Holidays with In laws and Out laws Donate to the Messy Family Project  

Graces can flow into your home when nature is in its proper place.  - Connor Gallagher, The Well-Ordered Family   Summary Do you yearn for more order and clarity within your family? Is the chaos and busyness of modern life unsettling the harmony of your household? In this podcast, we interview Conor Gallagher, CEO of multiple businesses and father of sixteen, to talk to him about a transformative system that will restore peace and joy in your household.  We love using business principles to improve family life, and in the Well-Ordered Family, Conor does just that!  Join us for this conversation and find out why its good to realize that we all have systems in our home, how to get control of those systems, and why it is essential that parents not fall into a victim mentality.  Find more about The Well-Ordered Family at https://wellorderedfamily.com/  Key Takeaways We all operate with systems in the home whether we realize it or not.  The question is, are these systems effective?  There are many policies that families need to implement, but if you have to start with one, start with your tech policy!  When you are trying to get control of your family life, start by asking the question Why?  Why are we trying to live a certain way?  Parents need to be the architects of their family's life and habits.  No one else can do it for you.     Couple Discussion Questions What are the systems in our home that most need attention right now?  Are we falling into a victim mentality when it comes to running our home?  How can we break out of that cycle?  

In this episode, we dive into the beauty and power of family history. Mike shares the incredible story of his journey to Ireland—a dream rooted in a deep love for his heritage and a promise to pass it on to his children. From the ruins of his grandfather's cottage to the windswept cliffs of the Aran Islands, the trip becomes a testament to the importance of staying connected to the past while building a legacy for the future. As we reflect on the stories of those who came before us, we're reminded of the sacrifices and struggles that shaped who we are today. Alicia and Mike discuss how understanding our roots can ground us in our present and inspire us to leave a rich legacy for those who will follow. Whether it's through reclaiming a family cottage or sharing stories with your kids, this episode is a call to embrace the sacred work of family. We also explore how the holiday season offers a perfect time to reconnect with family traditions. From meaningful Advent meditations to practical tools like the Family Board Meeting course, we're excited to help you create a home that is intentional and full of life. ✨ A Few Takeaways: The power of family stories to shape our identity and inspire our future The importance of honoring both the joys and struggles in our family history How to talk with your kids about their roots in a meaningful way

“Guided and strengthened by God's grace, husband and wife advance their own perfection… and contribute jointly to the glory of God” ~ Gaudium et Spes   Summary You should never marry someone with the idea that you can change them, but we do need to help our spouses become the best version of themselves.  We all should have a vision, a belief that our spouse can be amazing and then work with them for their good.  In this podcast, we hear the inspiring story of Dan and Brenda - a couple from two different families, faith backgrounds, and life philosophies. Though they were different, they were able to learn from each other and build an incredible life together by the grace of God.  Through their story, we were able to draw out lessons that all of us can learn from.  

Show me your checkbook and your datebook and I will show you what you value   Summary So much of what we talk about on this podcast really hits home when it comes to how we spend our time.  Family dinner, date nights, prayer time, even mass comes down to making time to do it.  Four things determine how we run our lives and our family - talent, money, energy and time. Every one has different amounts of energy and talent and money, but we all have the same amount of time!  How we use it is what matters.  In this podcast we discuss how to evaluate the activities in our home and what we need to prioritize.  This is a re-release of the podcast “Busyness” originally aired in the summer of 2017.    Couple Discussion Questions   Where in our life are we too busy?  Where do we need to make time for what is really important?  Where do we need better routines in our home to bring peace?    

“Genuine humility never disturbs the soul.  Rather it is accompanied by peace, joy and calm” St. Theresa of Avila   Summary What is the biggest problem in Catholic marriages?  Although we appreciate good communication tools, marriage insights, and mentors - at the end of the day the biggest problem is simply a lack of holiness.  One essential tool in our quest for holiness is learning how to ask for forgiveness.  When we have conflict in our home, we all need to ask ourselves the question - what could I have done differently?  When we take ownership in this way, we can repent to God and then ask forgiveness of our spouse or children in order to repair that relationship.  Often we will focus only on our sins and try to amend our lives, but in addition to those good things, we also need to seek to reconcile the relationship and ask for forgiveness.     Key Takeaways When there is conflict in the home, we always need to ask ourselves how have I contributed to this situation and what could I have done differently?  Taking extreme ownership means that you don't make excuses, but instead recognize that the past does not have power over you any more.  You always have a choice. When you are aware of your weakness, you are more open to asking for forgiveness and growing in holiness Asking forgiveness also repairs the rupture in the relationship that happens as a result of our actions. When you ask forgiveness and make your heart pure through Confession, then you are able to more clearly see God.  “The pure in heart shall see God” Matt 5:8 A daily examen should include asking for forgiveness of family members we have sinned against.     Couple Discussion Questions Reflect on your marriage and children and ask God to show you areas in which you need to change.  Go to your spouse and children and ask their forgiveness.  When can we do a daily examen in our household?  How can we incorporate regular asking of forgiveness? References: Dealing with Failure podcast:  MPF 140  Forgiveness MP 060  Forgiveness and Transformation MFP 165 Romans 12 Matthew 18:21-35 Guide to Parenthood:  Forgiveness in the Family

In this special Q&A episode, we dive into some of the most heartfelt questions from our listeners. From the complex question of whether to expand the family to grappling with grief, boundaries in marriage, and integrating elderly parents into a household, these issues strike at the core of family life. We also tackle how to balance the call to evangelize in a world that often conflicts with our values—especially when raising children in today's cultural climate. Join us as we explore these tough topics with compassion, real-life insights, and guidance for finding peace, strength, and unity in family life amidst life's many challenges. Couple Discussion Questions Expanding the Family: How do we each feel about the possibility of having more children, and what are our hopes or concerns? How can we respect and support each other's feelings in this decision? Emotional Connection and Boundaries: Are there areas where we hold back in sharing our emotions? How can we create a safe space to be vulnerable and open with each other? Navigating Grief and Hard Times: How have we supported each other through past challenges, and what can we learn from those experiences to better support each other now? Integrating Family Generations: If we needed to bring an elderly family member into our home, what expectations and boundaries would help create harmony for everyone? Raising Kids with Faith in a Secular Culture: What are our biggest concerns about raising children in today's world, and how do we feel called to engage with those who have different values while protecting our family's faith?

“It's important that we remember to talk ‘to' our kids, not ‘at' them” - Mark Hart   Summary Parents are rightly concerned today about the influence of the culture on their teens.  As much as we would like to put our kids in a teflon bubble to shield them from the false fake culture of the world, it is just not possible!  What do our kids need from us to prepare them for life?  Join us in this podcast for a conversation with Mark Hart of Lifeteen - a speaker, author, and parent himself of teens and adult children.  Mark gives us some great insights (and laughs!) on how to talk to your kids, what they are REALLY looking for, and what not to be afraid of.   We were blessed in this conversation and we are thrilled to be able to share it with you!    Key Takeaways Keeping teens in a “teflon” bubble and trying to shield them from the world their whole lives doesn't work.  We need to teach them and get them ready. Kids need space to ask questions and have conversations with their parents without feeling judged.  Pushing back is a natural part of maturation.  Teens demand authenticity!  They challenge us to be real and that is good for us and for the Church.  Talk “to” your kids, not “at” them.  Significant conversations with our teens allow our lives to re-echo across the generations.  Take time for conversations.   For parents, the 20 minutes you spend focused on your child and not on yourself is as spiritually beneficial as a Holy Hour!  Parents should be less concerned with WHAT your child knows and more concerned about WHO is teaching them and where they are getting their information from God entrusted these souls to you for a season. They will not be living under your roof forever.  See your child as a whole person.  You need to spend time with them and really “see” them.   A successful home has three altars: the dinner table to share life and food, the coffee table to gather with family and friends for ideas and fun, and the marriage bed that forms the foundation of the family.  Parents often think of themselves as a hose that ideas and prayer comes through, but we need to be like a fountain - filled up so much in ourselves that we spill over onto our spouse, children, and everyone around us.    Couple Discussion Questions Do we take time to have significant conversations with our kids?  How can we do this more?  Looking at the maturity of our children, are we protecting them too  much?  Not enough?  How are we doing in using the “three altars” of our home?  Are all three of them places that are giving life to our family?    Links: Ascension press - Bible Heroes Register for the Family Board Meeting WWM On Demand course  Listener Survey  

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop than in a mansion with a quarrelsome wife.  Proverbs 25:24 Summary All of us do things that annoy our spouse.  Occasionally, we do things that hurt our spouse and vice versa.  How do we communicate about these situations?  Is it effective to tell them what they have done wrong?  Is that what the scriptures tell us to do?  In this episode, we discuss what it means to take “extreme ownership” of our own actions and emotions before trying to “fix” your spouse.  We believe that the key to a strong marriage is finding how you can support each other on the road to heaven - and that means having the humility to see your own weaknesses first and embracing them.  Once you have sought forgiveness and healed the relationship, then a conversation about how things could have gone differently can be more productive.  Listen in to hear how you can move more intentionally towards unity through communication and forgiveness.  Key Takeaways Couples need to take the principles of “gentle parenting” and apply them to each other!  Skills like expressing empathy, giving guidance, and articulating feelings are all needed in marriage.  When you correct someone, you put yourself above them. This is appropriate in a parent/child relationship, or even a boss/employee relationship, but really not in marriage where you have two equals. We can help our spouses to be self-reflective about situations by asking questions that can help them think about what they wanted the outcome to be and what actually happened.    Couple Discussion Questions What can I do better to help you in areas that you want to grow in?   Who is challenging me?  Who do I look to as an example, as a mentor to progress in holiness?  How can my spouse help me?  

“You can learn many things from toddlers! For example, how much patience you actually have.”  -Anonymous One blessing of having ten kids is that we have matured and learned enough about kids to appreciate the toddler years of children #9 and 10 much more than those years with children #1 and 2. Our advice to parents of toddlers is to start by enjoying them! It's hard to do when they are destroying your house and embarrassing you in public, but with a few strategies and consistency on your part, you can begin to see that this little bundle of creative energy has been amazingly designed by the Divine Creator. It's all part of His plan to get this child to adulthood and independence, and to get you to heaven! Notes: The Absorbent Mind (Montessori book) Articles on toddlers from Focus on the Family (Christian website)

Other Resources Welcome His Heart:  https://welcomehisheart.com/ MFP 165: Forgiveness Brings Freedom and Transformation Videos - Evangelizing Your Kids and Forgiveness in the Family https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/pizza-and-parenting/watch/ Key Takeaways Parents must be very intentional about evangelizing their children and bringing them into a relationship with Christ. Marriage is a sacrament of service to the world.  Our marriages are not just for us, they are an office of service.  Every mother and father is to act as “priests of the home” and take up the spiritual authority God has given them for the sake of their children.  Forgiveness is key to restoring relationships that have been broken and can teach children powerful lessons on relationships.  In order to transform your family you will need to start with these three things - create habits to support your goals, make Jesus the king of your home, and build community to support your family.    Couple Discussion Questions How are we leading together in the home?  Have we taken up that call to spiritual leadership?  What is my understanding of forgiveness?  How can we live this out better within our home and our relationships?  How is our marriage serving others?  How are we giving from the well of our sacrament?  What are 2 resolutions that we can make today to start living a transformed family life?  

“You and your spouse are a team that GOD wants together!” - Art and LaraineBennett   Summary The first step in creating a dynamic family is to know the people who are in it!  That starts with knowing yourself, then your spouse, and then your children.  One of the tools that we love using for this knowledge is the classic four temperaments - choleric, sanguine, melancholic, and phlegmatic. The leading Catholic authors on the temperaments are Art and Laraine Bennett, authors of the book The Temperament God Gave You and many other great resources!  In this conversation we pepper them with questions about what the temperaments are, why knowing the temperaments are important, and how they can change your parenting. This podcast is FULL of great tips and resources of parents of any age.  Listen in! Key Takeaways Temperaments are only ONE aspect of our personality.  Many things make each one of us unique.  Temperaments are part of the wisdom of the ancients, but they also have been extensively studied in modern psychology Your temperament is the way you REACT.  Knowing our temperament helps us to learn how to RESPOND to others in love.   As a parent, knowing our children's temperaments helps because we can teach them how to mature by focusing on their strengths and helping them process their weaknesses.  When we react we will fly, fight, or freeze.  Learning the “art of the pause” will help us respond in love and get out of “reaction mode”.    You and your spouse can help each other by knowing your gifts and giving each other alternatives to handling difficult situations.   Couple Discussion Questions Take the quiz at https://temperamentquiz.com and link your account with your spouse.   Observe your children this week.  During a date night, talk about the temperament of each child and how you can encourage their strengths.  What are our gifts as a couple?  How can we better use them for the good of our children?  

Your authority in the family does not come from perfection, it comes as a grace from your parenthood.   Summary There are two kinds of families - those that are frantic and those that are fruitful.  As Catholics we have an incredible grace to be fruitful families, but often our families don't look much different than the secular, frantic families around us!  How can we live family life differently? There are so many different parenting philosophies out there.  Which ones should Catholics follow?  In this podcast, we give an overview of The Catholic Parenting Course - a guide for parents who want to have a roadmap for raising their families to be in the world, but not of the world.  The two parts of this podcast are how to parent like God the Father and then the secret weapon of the Catholic family (our regular listeners can guess what that is!).   Listen in!    Other Resources   Book:  Abba's Heart Podcast:  MFP096 and 097, Elements of a Family Culture and Building a Family Culture   Key Takeaways To parent like God the Father, we need to start by conforming our hearts to His. Unity within your marriage needs to flow out and encompass everyone, all of your children giving them purpose and belonging. More than anything else, our children need us to delight in them.  Forming the hearts of our children is our sacred task.  Our goal should be to hand over the locus of control from us as parents to them. When lived intentionally, the culture within your home can be a powerful weapon against secular forces arrayed against us.    Couple Discussion Questions Do we see our Heavenly Father as delighting in us?  Why or why not?  On a continuum from isolation to oneness, where are we now?  How unified are we in our home?  What does it mean to delight in our children?  What does that look like for each of us, realizing that we will do this differently?  What are the values that our family culture is communicating to our children?  

Summary: In this episode, we explore several listener's questions about how to manage friendships when personal values differ, particularly in situations where children are involved. Mike and Alicia are joined by their daughter, Katie to dive into the challenge of maintaining friendships with those whose lifestyle choices may conflict with Catholic teaching, while still modeling love and compassion for others. The conversation focuses on how to love the person, hold true to your beliefs, and balance protecting your family's moral development.  Couple Discussion Questions: How can you love friends or family members who hold values different from your own while protecting your children's development? How do you explain complex adult relationships to your children in a way that aligns with your values? What boundaries do you set when it comes to relationships that conflict with your beliefs?  Resources: For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Beauty resets our compass.  It reminds us of who we are and what we are made for. ~ Andrew Peterson   Summary Our children will grow no matter what, but how they grow and what they learn is heavily dependent on their environment.  Parents can shape the world of their children to include beauty, freedom of artistic expression, and space to wonder.  In this podcast, we talk to Andrew Peterson, singer, songwriter, author, father and now grandfather.  Over the last 25 years, Andrew has used his creative talents in the world of music and fantasy books for kids. He has done this out of the firm belief in the power of art to commuicate eternal truths and draw people into relationship with God.  Our family has been blessed by his work over the past 25 years and we hope that all our families will be too!  Key Takeaways Parents need to shape the world to be beautiful for their children.  Beauty evangelizes even to the very young child. Art, in all its expressions, is essential to life.  Beauty resets the compass.  It reminds us of who we are and what we are made for. It awakens within us the desire for the Kingdom - God's Kingdom here on earth and in heaven.   Delight in your children.  They need to know that they are wonderfully made and they learn that by how we respond to them.  Sin is when I forget who I am.  Our kids need to be solid in their identity as a child of God and so do we!  We need to learn to desire things in the right order.  Sin happens when we live a life of disorder.  As parents we can help order the lives of our children in the right way.  Couple Discussion Questions How does our family experience art (music, literature, movies) in our home?  What do these things communicate to our children?  Do we delight in our children?  How can we do this more?  What are we doing in our home to help our children “desire things in the right order?”  How can we shape the environment in our home to do this?     Resources God in the Garden Wingfeather Series (books) Wingfearther series (series on Angel studios) Andrew-peterson.com Music list on spotify  

“21% of teens said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their parents. Only 8% of parents said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their kids.” ― Meg Meeker   Summary After 13 years of marriage we had six children and were pretty confident in our parenting. But when our oldest daughter became a teenager, we felt like we needed to learn how to parent all over again!  This sweet 12 year old seemed to begin changing before our eyes and we had to pivot pretty quickly to learn what it was that she needed and what our new role was as parents.  The teen years do not need to be horrible.  In contrast, it should be the flowering of all the parenting you have done and an exciting time for you and your child!  The question for parents is how do I learn how to love my child during this turbulent time of change from being a child to being an adult.  In this episode, we give you some principles to remember and some practical things you can do to REALLY love your teenager.     Key Takeaways If you want your teen to grow in virtue and maturity, you must give them freedom.   Parents of teens move from being a protector to being a coach.   For teens who are forming their identity in relation to the world, their interests are equal with who they are.  So if you learn more about their music, games, friends, and trends, they will receive the message that you like them, not just love them.  Teens need to be encouraged to take appropriate risks. Failure is a part of learning.  They won't succeed at everything they do and that is OK.  This is the best time for them to learn these lessons.   Invite them into spiritual adulthood.  Give them the opportunity to make the faith their own.     Couple Discussion Questions Looking back on your teen years, do you love your “teen self”?  How can you grow in this?  List the names of your tweens and teens.  What do you love about them? Share with your spouse and add to the list together.  What are your concerns about your teens?  Does your spouse have the same concerns?  Why or why not?  In what areas are you giving too much freedom?  Where can you help your teen grow in independence?   Resources The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt IGen by Jean Twenge

Happiness is determined by our expectations…. If our expectations are modest… we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed. ~Bishop Anthony Taylor, Diocese of Little Rock Summary All of us come into our vocations with expectations.  We have dreams and plans, but expectations are more like assumptions.  We have our own experience and we expect that things will go a certain way.  The problem is, we can't always articulate these expectations or even realize that we have them until they are unfulfilled and this can cause conflict with our spouses.  In this episode, we talk about the relationship between expectations and happiness, how to articulate our expectations, and how to have realistic expectations of our marriage as you grow.  We also share on a personal level what our expectations were and how we handled things when we were newly married compared to how we are today.  This podcast is really one that you want to discuss with your spouse to help you both learn how to communicate better and forge greater unity.   Key Takeaways Happiness is determined by our expectations and our ability to notice and rejoice in little things. If our expectations are modest, life will usually exceed our expectations and we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed. Many young couples have unrealistic expections of their spouse.  They expect their spouse to do what only God can do: To meet all their needs for security, support and closeness. Don't lower your standards, just make them more realistic and realize you need to grow in your communication skills to have a strong marriage.  No matter if your expectations are fulfilled or now, always choose gratitude.  There is always something to be thankful for and recognizing that is the key to happiness.   Couple Discussion Questions What were my expectations coming into our marriage?   Which of these were fulfilled?  Which has led to disappointment?  What am I grateful for?   Resources Article on Expectations and Happiness

The body is not meaningless, but meaningful - Jason Evert Summary Join us for this insightful conversation with Jason Evert, speaker and author.  Jason has spoken all over the world and has created numerous resources for preteens and teens to dive deep into what it means to be free to love.  Often parents feel under-equipped to talk about sex and chastity, but it is within the home that these lessons need to be learned and it is where they are taught most effectively.  The first step is to communicate to your children how much you delight in them.  Then we can speak to their hearts the truth of who they are.  After that, we can teach them that by embracing the virtue of chastity we can truly be free to love others with a love like God's.  Jason's new series for preteens, Envision, can be found at Ascension Press. Key Takeaways We can't just tell our kids what NOT to do, but we must communicate that chastity gives them freedom.  Chastity gives them the freedom to love.  Knowing the theology of our bodies answers the question, “Who am I and how should I live?”  The world tells our kids that their bodies are meaningless, but in reality, they are meaningful.  What we do with our bodies matters.   Rules without relationships breed rebellion.  Most of our kids know we love them, but do they believe we like them?  That we like being with them?  That is the foundation that needs to be laid to form them.  Couple Discussion Questions How are we communicating to our kids now that what they do with their bodies matters?   What are some ways we can show our kids not just that we LOVE them but that we LIKE them too?   Do we understand the importance of Theology of the Body?  Is this something we need to look into more?     Resources The Chastity Project - https://chastity.com Envision - TOB for Middle Schoolers Women Wonderfully Made Webinar Family Culture and the Temperaments: Messy Family Date Night with Art and Laraine Bennett 

"Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit" Proverbs 25:28   Summary:  Have you ever had a child melt down because they didn't get what they wanted? How do we respond to emotional...

"Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit" Proverbs 25:28   Summary:  Have you ever had a child melt down because they didn't get what they wanted? How do we respond to emotional outbursts in our children? Self-control is an underappreciated virtue in our modern culture, but ironically, it is the one skill we can teach our children that can help them achieve great success.  Instead of embracing the maxim of today, “Just do it!” we should be echoing the slogan of the 80's anti-drug campaign, "Just say no!”.  Our children need to learn from a young age that they CAN be in charge of how they react to their emotions, but they need your guidance and help to do this. In this podcast, we give some tips and tricks on how to speak to your child and put them in the driver's seat of life.   Key Takeaways: Emotional outbursts are a sign of immaturity.  As they grow and as you teach them they will learn.  But if you don't get this under control when they are young you will be sorry Self control is an unappreciated virtue.  Lack of self control is lauded in our culture “Just do it!” as opposed to “Just say no!” Important to train your child early!! Their brain can change more than any other time in their lives. Often we focus more on training in athletics or academics than virtue, but virtue is where they will find success in life. When they are emotional, teach your children how to activate the logical part of their brain.  As parents of young children, we help them regulate their emotions so they can learn how to do it themselves.   Give them space to make a choice.  The more they do it, the stronger and better they will be at it   Couple Discussion Questions:  How would we define self control?  Why is it important How do we respond to our children when they lose control?  What do we think about this?   What are some good strategies we can use for our children specifically?  

Join us for a special episode of the Messy Family Podcast, recorded live at the 10th National Eucharistic Congress in Indianapolis! In this episode, Mike hosts a lively discussion on the joys and challenges of family life. Mike, who flew in from...

Join us for a special episode of the Messy Family Podcast, recorded live at the 10th National Eucharistic Congress in Indianapolis! In this episode, Mike hosts a lively discussion on the joys and challenges of family life. Mike, who flew in from Ireland, shares his family traditions and reflections on building a lasting legacy. Plus, special guests Ennie and Cana Hickman talk about their journey of raising nine children, balancing ministry and marriage, and the importance of regular date nights. Whether you're a longtime listener or new to the show, this episode offers heartfelt stories and practical advice for every family. Don't miss it! For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/   00:53 - Mike Shares His Family Tradition 03:14 - Introducing Ennie and Cana Hickman 06:01 - Marriage and Family Life 11:30 - The Importance of Date Nights 17:25 - Integrating Ministry and Family 23:45 - Building Family Culture and Traditions 30:10 - Navigating Difficult Times 36:30 - Practical Tips for Busy Families 44:00 - Closing Thoughts and Prayer

Parent's reaction to their children is more important than any consequence that they may give.  It is our reaction that teaches our children.   Summary One of the trickiest things for a parent is when they catch their child in a lie. ...

Parent's reaction to their children is more important than any consequence that they may give.  It is our reaction that teaches our children.   Summary One of the trickiest things for a parent is when they catch their child in a lie.  Do you punish them for lying?  Do you punish the offense?  How do you teach the virtue of honesty when lying seems to come so naturally to them?  Join in our conversation with Jordan Langdon of Families of Character, a ministry that coaches parents to be their best for their families.  In this discussion, we hear Jordan's thoughts on why kids lie, how to create realistic expectations, and why punishing kids for lying only makes things worse.  Hear about the “Honesty Incentive Rule” and how that works for young children and even more importantly as your children become teenagers.   Find more about Jordan and her work at www.familiesofcharacter.org    Key Takeaways Training the will of your child is just as or even more important than training their intellect Most children will lie at some point.  It is a natural part of their development.  It is how you react to them that matters. There are different stages of lying.  The lie of a 3 yr old looks different than that of a 7 yr old.  The Honesty Incentive rule helps children take personal responsibility for their actions. When you find your child lying, allow yourself time to think about how to handle it.  There is no need to react - this is not an emergency! Take time to observe your children's behavior so you can tell when something is going on beneath the surface.    Couple Discussion Questions What is our reaction when our children lie to us now?  How do we handle it?  How do I feel when our kids lie to me?   Do we feel like we take enough time to observe our children's behavior?  Would we know when something was going wrong?    

Play is the work of childhood.  Summary It seems like in today's world, parents are judged by how many activities their kids are in and how committed the whole family is to those activities.  We see this as leading to complete burnout for...

Play is the work of childhood.  Summary It seems like in today's world, parents are judged by how many activities their kids are in and how committed the whole family is to those activities.  We see this as leading to complete burnout for parents, but more importantly, it robs children of the joy of unsupervised, spontaneous time to just play.  We explain in this podcast what play is and why it is so important for children to engage in. The beautiful thing about play is that parents should NOT be involved!  It is one thing that we can do for our kids that requires less of us, not more.  Parents need to learn that kids must take risks, make choices, and be independent from adults.  And this means less supervision, not more.  Listen in to this conversation where we try to strike a balance between keeping kids busy in a healthy way and giving them space to be bored and make good choices.     Key Takeaways Play is essential for a child's development. It is “freely chosen and directed by the participants and undertaken for its own sake, not to achieve something” - Dr. Peter Gray You need to be intentional about choosing your child's activities based on their developmental needs.  Kids under 12 really don't need structured activities - only do them if they work for your lifestyle and are not a cause of stress in the family Don't allow external forces to impose false expectations on your involvement.   Encourage your child to persevere even if an activity is difficult or not what they expected, but have the common sense to know when enough is enough. Know the adults that are around your child recognizing that especially in the teen years these people can become mentors for them for good or for bad.    Couple Discussion Questions Share with your spouse your experience with structured activities (sports, theater, lessons, etc).  What would you like to repeat? What would you like to avoid? What activities are our children involved in?  Are they developmentally appropriate for them?  How can we encourage more play among our children?  Are there other families who would join us in this?    Resources: Play Deprivation Is A Major Cause of the Teen Mental Health Crisis By JON HAIDT AND PETER GRAY https://www.afterbabel.com?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web  

Growing in holiness doesn't require extraordinary actions, it requires doing ordinary things with great love.  And there is nothing more “ordinary” in the life of a child than a parent.   Summary Often when people talk about life with...

Growing in holiness doesn't require extraordinary actions, it requires doing ordinary things with great love.  And there is nothing more “ordinary” in the life of a child than a parent.   Summary Often when people talk about life with children, the focus is on just getting through their childhood with your sanity in one piece!  There is some truth to that because parenting can be the most challenging thing you may ever do, but we would like to offer a different perspective.  What if we did allow family life to change us? What if we allowed it to change us for the better? Jesus wants to teach us how to love Him by loving our spouse and our children.  They are the first neighbors that we are called to love and serve and this, as lay people, is our path to holiness.  Listen in to this honest conversation about the challenges of loving those closest to us as we would love Jesus Himself.    Key Takeaways   If you are a frantic family you will resent the sacrifices that naturally come with family life.  Fruitful families embrace these sacrifices.  Our world does not prize the ordinary so we can think that to be holy we need to do extraordinary things.   The true measure of how much you love the Lord is the measure by which you love that person in your life who is most difficult Mark 9 - “Whoever receives such a child in my name, receives me.  And if you receive me, you receive the one who sent me” Matthew 25 - “Then the king will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.” Jesus doesn't ask us to love an ideal.  He asks us to love actual people in our lives as we would love Him.    Couple Discussion questions Think of a person in your life who shows God's love to others.  What do they do?  How do they do it?  What can you imitate?   “Whoever receives such a child in my name, receives me.  And if you receive me, you receive the one who sent me”  Who am I being called to “receive” right now in my state in life?  What are my thoughts on this person being Jesus?  What is one small, practical way in which I can love my husband or wife better, starting today?  How can I receive their love more fully?  

The greatest and most important collaboration you will ever have with another person is raising a child with your spouse.   Summary Parents come to us with discipline issues all the time and our first question is usually, “What does your spouse...