Scattered Curiosities

How many movies have you seen that feature a wardrobe montage, a protagonist tearing out an IV to hastily leave the hospital, post-coital bed-sheets that magically only cover the woman's chest, or characters uttering stale lines like, “We've got company”, “No time to explain”, or “He's behind me, isn't he?” All are examples of clichés but they aren't just confined to films and television. Join Albort as he dissects some of the common clichés used in everyday language from the ‘bee's knees' to ‘cat's pajamas' to ‘the early bird catching the worm'. You'll also get familiar with Pipe Dreams, Pink Elephants, Drug Store Cowboys and meet the "most fecund maker of American slang." Gadzooks!

It's been fifty years since Atari's revolutionary game, Pong, ushered in a Renaissance for video arcades in America and gave rise to the animatronic house bands of Chuck E. Cheese and Showbiz Pizza. Albort experienced it in real time and invites you to join him for a stroll down memory lane with detours at the 1982 World's Fair, Blockbuster Video and the hilarious antics that take place within “Shadowrama” all while avoiding the Noid. As a bonus you'll get familiar with the “pleasure principle”, time shifting, parallel visual processing, the innermost thoughts of Pac-Man's enemies, negative option billing and the “Netflix Effect”.

This is the final episode of our four-part Better Half mini-series containing six lectures apropos to the First Ladies from the Cold War up to the present time. What is known of the First Ladies of the United States we have covered up to this point comes down to us via the press, memoirs, what can be divined from letters, paintings, anecdotes, and personal artifacts. Following World War Two, fashion became ever more critical as visual media embedded itself into politics. We begin with a material girl who hated the dry-cleaning in WASHington DC so much, she shipped it to KC to be done properly, one whose favorite press time answer was "No Comment", a multi-linguist beauty reportedly "full of the devil", a billboard-busting, millionaire First Lady that word-skirmished with Catwoman, "a good piece of literature on a shelf of cheap paperbacks" circuiting a leper colony, a fashion model dancing instructor credited with a life-saving blip, a promiscuous FLOTUS who shook hands with a serial killer, a "Glamourous paragon of chic" going to war with drugs attired in "misappropriated" crimson finery, a FLOTUS to have three Air Force bombers named after her and a private cabin on the Love Boat, the first to be a lawyer/Senator/Secretary of State/Presidential Candidate/Grammy Winner, the only First Lady with a master's degree in Library Science, the first African American First Lady, the nation's second foreign-born FLOTUS single-handedly takes on cyberbullying, and a Quaker City sports junkie controversially uses her rightfully earned title.

This third installment of our four-part Better Half mini-series departs from the regular format as it is not focused solely on the First Lady of the United States of America and only features one of them. Today's narrative was built around the 1933 evening when Amelia Earhart and Eleanor Roosevelt ducked out of a party at the White House to take a spontaneous flight to Baltimore. The two would forever be associated with aviation, Amelia for obvious reasons and Eleanor for traveling over 40,000 miles throughout her serving terms. Despite their thirteen-year age difference, the two had much more in common than air travel. Both taught, authored books, endorsed products for sponsors, fought for civil rights and refused to take their husbands' last names (a technicality for Eleanor). Put your seat tray up and buckle in for Amelia and Eleanor's Excellent Adventure.

This is the second apportionment of our four-part Better Half mini-series containing four lectures regarding the First Ladies of the United States within the Reconstruction Era, the Gilded Age, through total global interwar, the Mad Decade, and up to the brink of the Dirty Thirties. The sixty-eight-year span features a shy First Lady entreating the Queen of Hawaii, a cross-eyed, anti-suffragist equestrian (with a strict dress code) battling polygamy, and a tee-totaling, guitar-playing FLOTUS hosting weekly gospel sings with a band of cabinet members. The White House Lawn Easter Egg Roll becomes tradition, the billiard room converted to a greenhouse, Christmas Trees, apparitions, and Einstein make their debut appearance there, and the term "First Lady" finally appears in the press. A long list of First Ladies volunteer for the newly formed American Red Cross, the premier Presidential Library is established, a serving First Daughter has a hit song with Columbia Records, a string of First Sisters denounce women's suffrage, the Statue of Liberty is dedicated, a future FLOTUS pulls a reverse Footloose on her fiancée, the United States has its first and only non-consecutive serving First Lady, another that secretly runs the government for seventeen months, and a public confrontation with the Commander in Chief's mistress. As a bonus, we will visit the Women's World Fair with a FLOTUS who taught the deaf, decipher private conversations of the only First Couple to speak Mandarin fluently, and indulge in Waffle Mania.

This is the inaugural episode of an introductory four-part mini-series regarding the First Ladies of the United States of America. The New Nation's inception thought nothing of what to call the President's wife as "First Lady" did not appear in print until thirty-six years after Martha Washington's death. Because women have been so thoroughly shafted in history, much of our familiarity of them come from personal correspondence, leaving us to know some better than others; compare the five existing notes of Mrs. Washington to the over 1,200 of "Mrs. President," Abigail Adams. Unfortunately, a number of those presidential partners chose to destroy letters to protect the legacy of the men under which they were operose. Get to know the First wives, daughters, and nieces from the birth of the Republic until the end of the Civil War. The White House will be built, burned, and renovated several times over by a diverse pool of American Queens, including a First Lady who dies there, one that never steps foot inside the home, and one that deputed "Hail to the Chief" as its theme song. Additionally, we will meet the mysterious "Rose of Long Island," explore a Presidential love affair worthy of Van Halen and dive into the ignominious Petticoat Affair where the "Mean Girls" of the Washington elite cause an uproar in the President's cabinet.

It has been eleven years since ABC's smash drama LOST has been off the air, yet fans continue to debate and mythologize its doctrines via blogs and hundreds of podcasts devoted solely to dissecting the mysterious island series from multiple perspectives, delving deeper into the characters' connections to one another; this is not one of them. Instead, Albort wishes to introduce some historical figures the roles on LOST were named for: Locke, Bentham, Faraday, Rousseau, Hume, Minkowski, Shephard, Austin, Alpert, Cooper, Burke, Bakunin and much more. Get familiar with Tabula Rasa, the People's Stick, the Noble Savage and what any of it has to do with Weezer.

We had intended to cover the First Ladies a while ago, which ended up morphing into an episode about Eleanor Roosevelt and Amelia Earhart. The FLOTUS material got put aside for a separate series of 20-minute audio lectures that has been collecting dust for over a year. This is the culmination of parts one through five of those courses. Get to know the wives, daughters and nieces who have been behind every man to be President of the United States from the birth of the nation until the inception of the American Red Cross in 1881. The White House will be built, burned, and renovated several times over by an eclectic pool of American Queens, including the “Rose of Long Island”, a cross-eyed equestrian with a strict dress code, and a surprising number of FLOTUS' that did not support Women's Suffrage. As a bonus we'll explore a Presidential love affair worthy of Van Halen and dive into the ignominious Petticoat Affair where the "Mean Girls" of the Washington elite cause uproar in the president's cabinet.

What happens when a paranormal consultant remembers an incarcerated Nelson Mandela dying in the 1980s instead of famously being released from his twenty-seven-year sentence in 1990, becoming the first Black President of South Africa and living an additional three decades? The rara avis known as False Memory Syndrome gets rebranded as The Mandela Effect. Though it just as easily could have been named for Lemuel Gulliver, Thomas Jefferson, or Thomas Jefferson Snodgrass, who have all had their biographies altered by nothing more than folktales and the power of suggestion. Join Albort as he reveals societal errors that have been pinned on the bible, cannibalism, Voltaire, Sherlock Holmes, le livre “Monkey Planet” and other victims of The Mandela Effect.

When did fashion dolls morph into America’s movable men? Why do unicorns and Pegasus get confused for one another? Who, among rock stars, would make the ugliest, but most talented, baby? What Golden Raspberry Award-winning actor and former BOP Boy are we infatuated with? How is it that Weebles wobble but do not fall down? And where does Albort dream of going with the King of Horror? The long-awaited responses are revealed in this tell-all rainy-day cocktail-conversation between Mr. & Mrs. Einstone from the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Did President Franklin Delano Roosevelt have Amelia Earhart shot down over the Pacific during a “reconnaissance” mission in retaliation for her lesbian affairs with First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt? Probably not, but if you nit-picked your facts, you might be able to construct a plausible explanation to support that theory; we are not the first to suggest it, by the way. Today’s narrative was built around the 1933 evening when Amelia Earhart and Eleanor Roosevelt ducked out of a party at the White House to take a spontaneous flight to Baltimore. The two would forever be associated with aviation, Amelia (for obvious reasons) and Eleanor for travelling over 40,000 miles as First Lady of the United States. Despite their thirteen-year difference, the two had much more in common than air travel. Both taught, wrote books, endorsed products for sponsors, fought for civil rights and refused to take their husbands’ last names; a technicality for Eleanor who’d always been a Roosevelt but Amelia suggested her husband, George Putnam, should, perhaps, be called Mr. Earhart. Put your seat tray up and buckle-in for Amelia and Eleanor’s Excellent Adventure.

At long last, the conclusion to our series highlighting the men and women (finally) to hold the position of US Secretary of State has arrived. This installment brings us into and through the 20th Century, covering the annexation of Hawaii, the Spanish American War, the Treaty of Versailles, the concept of “Dollar Diplomacy”, the Marshall Plan, the Suez Canal Crisis, the Cuban Missile Crisis, Vietnam and the formations of the UN, NATO, VVFW, and OPEC. This pool of Secretaries includes lawyers, Ph.Ds, Generals, professors, CEOs, and Nobel Peace Prize recipients. Packed with treaty signings, party-swapping, and a whole lot of resignations, learn which Secretary of State was a thrice losing Democratic Presidential contender, which was president of the Boy Scouts of America and who among them was the son in-law of one Secretary of State and uncle to yet another Secretary of State? The time is upon us, Let’s Talk About Secs, again.

*WARNING: CONTENTS OF THIS EPISODE CONTAIN CHRISTMAS SPOILERS. NOT FOR CHILDREN* Join Albort as he explores the many incarnations of the most fantastical, generous, Coca-Cola loving character of the holiday season, Santa Claus; from Saint Nikolas of Myra to Sinterklaas of the Netherlands to Pere Noel of France to L. Frank Baum’s “Neclaus” and why the wife of the man in the “Ho-Ho-Tuxedo” doesn’t even have a first name! Learn how the Little Ice Age influenced the violins of Antonio Stradivari and the writing of Charles Dickens, which holiday song became the first to be broadcast from space, what Norwegian scientists suspect to be the cause of Rudolph’s shiny nose and how the “Father of the American Cartoon” changed American’s reception of Santa Claus, Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes and Grover Cleveland.

It’s October and time for our most spooktacular episode yet. Get a lesson in the provenance of Halloween and the many names it goes by, from the Celtic festivities of Calan Gaef and Samhain to All Hallow’s Eve, Hallowmas, All Saint’s Day, Reformation Day, Founder’s Day and the Day of Seven Billion. Albort’s cauldron is brimming with vampires, witches, candy, aliens, splatstick, Jack O Lanterns, souling, full moons, black cats, Michael Landon and R.E.M.

Having already covered Presidents and Vice Presidents, we are now continuing the tradition of an annual show dedicated to the men and women who have run the United States since its inception with the elusive position of Secretary of State, a job held by a few would-be presidents: Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe, John Quincy Adams, Martin Van Buren and James Buchanan. Some got the gig by nepotism, being a president’s military buddy, school chum or even being genuinely qualified for the job. Listen to the living textbook, Albort Einstone, as he examines Whigs becoming Republicans, extortions being paid to Barbary pirates and why obtaining Texas was such pain in the neck. Which Secretary argued Aaron Burr’s treason trial? Which argued Andrew Johnson’s impeachment trial? And who was in St. Petersburg when Napoleon invaded and then also in Paris for the “Little Emperor’s” infamous Hundred Days? Let’s Talk About Secs.

Orville Redenbacher, Mario Puzo and James Brown walk into a podcast…don’t you wish that was the set up to a fantastic joke? It’s not (sorry) but a connection between the three can be found in the year 1969; as well as Ho Chi Minh/Dwight D. Eisenhower, Judy Garland/Sharon Tate, Jack Kerouac/Joseph Kennedy, Sr. and Boris Karloff/Frank Loesser. Join Albort as he gets semi-centennially nostalgic for the Moon Landing, Munchos Potato Crisps, 12¢ stamps, Doom-Buggies, Scooby-Doo, the Dick Sargent/Dick York Bewitched switcheroo and George Lazenby’s singular portrayal of James Bond. It’s a Golden Jubilee.

Capital cities are the center of government to nations states and provinces but are not always the most prominent, popular, populous or permanent (New York City and Philadelphia are NOT capital cities…anymore). Pensacola and Saint Augustine are also former heads of state that ceded to Tallahassee when East Florida and West Florida unified. Join Albort for a brush-up lesson of US capitals and a potpourri of factoids to boot. How did Alabama become the “Yellowhammer State”? Which is the state of “Hogs and Hominy”? What capitol building showcases nineteen chandeliers from Tiffany’s of New York? And why were early Americans so passionate about naming places for Christopher Columbus?

It is time for this season’s language analyzing episode, featuring near miss accidents, poison versus venom, Judas Priest, Alzheimer’s Disease, The Pirates of Penzance, bald faced lies, Diphtheria, Contronyms, Malapropisms, Voiceless Labiodental Fricatives and Albort explaining the difference between amused/bemused, viable/feasible, ultimate/penultimate and how to pronounce Açaí. This is Unglish.

It’s the season three premiere and boy is it a scattered one, including little known factoids about some infamously ferocious historical redheads and a queen whose hair turned white overnight. Delve into the many loves of Cleopatra and Gaius Julius Caesar (along with each other), cross-dressing Romans, decisive beheadings, felinophobes, the tale of the Gordian Knot and the unlikely American success story of Adolph Hitler’s nephew. With special appearances by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and Ludwig van Beethoven, celebrate the first episode of our third season by taking a closer look at some of yesteryear’s Distinguished Despots and Enigmatic Eminences.

It’s the Season Two Finale and Albort thinks the Renaissance names for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were not assigned properly and intends to make a case for it. Get the back story on the cold-blooded half-shelled vindicators of justice and their belletristic namesakes of antiquity Donatello, Leonardo, Michelangelo and Raphael.

Albort reflects on his fortieth year on this our fortieth episode. Travel back to the mystical year one thousand, nine-hundred ninety-eight to decide if Albort predicted the Bird Flu virus as he reads excerpts of his recently dusted off writing assignment book borne of his ten year old, pop-culture infected mind to discover how he and the world have changed in the past thirty years.

Snowmen, Alan Alda, Candy Canes, and Cherries are just some of the many nicknames for pairs in playing cards and the first two make up four fifths of the infamous Dead Man’s Hand. Join Albort for a lesson in poker tournaments, game strategy and learn the jargon that will have you talking like a pro in no time. Discover how the World Series of Poker became a popular sport on ESPN and get to know some of the Jokers that make up the Poker Hall of Fame including Edmund Hoyle and Wild Bill Hickok.

It’s the first Tinysode of the season, a lost relic from the series premiere of the Scattered Curiosities. Get a very brief overview of the Battle of the Downs, one of Albort’s favorite paintings at the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam, and find out what it has to do with the Caribbean islands of Aruba, Curacao and St. Maarten.

Take a trip down Saturday Morning Memory Lane with Albort Einstone as he recalls some favorite cereals, commercials, toys and mascots from the late 1800s to today. Learn the history behind some of the biggest companies in breakfast and how Battle Creek, Michigan became ground zero for the start of the unending mascot wars and cereal killers.

Albort knows a thing or two about being full of hot air and blows quite a bit of it in this episode surrounding the rigid airships of the early to mid-1900s and how hot air balloons used in the US Civil War helped to inspire the creation of the Luftschiff Zeppelin. Get to know the LZ129 Hindenburg, how it crashed and then wound up on the record jacket of the world’s greatest rock and roll band.

35 The Return of Bobby Fulton by Albort Einstone

What happens when a podcaster is asked to turn the first season of his show into a book that does not get published? This episode happens. Chapter one sets the tone for Scattered Curiosities: The Book by utilizing material from our first “Tinysode” (New Yorkosities) and expanding it by a hexatruple and a Pizza Rat. A handy listen for navigating the acronymed neighborhoods: SoHo, NoHo, DUMBO, TriBeCa, NoLita, and the history behind the unabbreviated precincts of Manhattan. Discover where to find “des nudas”, Shorakkopoch Rock, Turtle Bay, Hell’s Kitchen and understand why New York City is called New Amsterdam. It is the prequel to chapter two, which happens to be episode one of Scattered Curiosities.

What is the connection between Pink Floyd, a cat named Jackie and the Wizard of Oz? Third roar synchronicity…or second…or NEITHER. Get to know the black & white, sepia-toned and Technicolor MGM “Felidae” that roared (or not) their way into Hollywood royalty to one day unveil The Dark Side of the Rainbow.

It is curious that our one hundred forty character, emoticon-centered, cell phone addicted, American society is not well-known for its ardency of reading, yet is so familiar with a doublet of British writers from 150-400 years ago that had so much in common: neologism, fame, reboots, fathers’ named John, and fantastic signatures. Enter the parallel worlds of William Shakespeare and Charles Dickens and learn how they influenced modern literature, storytelling, culture, theatre and films.

Get to know Albort’s idol Rube Goldberg a little better in this episode through Pee Wee Herman, Mr. T and a slew of RGMs. You’ll also meet a train robbing Rube, a sandwich named Rueben, some heroic lady Rubys, along with some musically talented ones who are as precious and iconic as rubles, rubies and the Rubicon River.

Leftovers are the soup du jour today. Get into Albort’s scatter-brains and learn about Sadie Hawkins Day, Bandwagons, Diner Slang and King Og. This episode is especially interesting for those of you that love the year 1986.

It’s the first episode of Season Two! Albort explores the world of simple inventions and how they came to market. Did you know Twister was thought of as “Sex in a Box” when it debuted? Or that the Snuggie wasn’t the first sleeved blanket? How exactly did John Henderson benefit Mister Kite? And what do Wacky Wallwalkers have to do with Christmas? All these answers and much, much more. Welcome back to Scattered Curiosities.

PILOT: In this first episode of Scattered Curiosities, Albort Einstone takes you to the Netherlands and makes poignant connections between Amsterdam and New Amsterdam (New York City) all while weaving in and out of the Eighty Years War.

For the season one finale, Albort will explore the connections between Duct Tape, Swiss Army Knives, Matches, Springs, Lighters and the Boy Scouts of America. Learn about the Unknown Scout and how he was pivotal to the formation of the BSA. Discover what “Congreves” and “Lucifers” are, and the difference between “The Original Swiss Army Knife” and “The Genuine Swiss Army Knife.” What do a Muskrat, Sunfish, Dog Bone, Congress and Lady Leg have to do with one another? Prepare your “Zombie Apocalypse” panic bag with our Scattered Curiosities checklist, and become versed with the “red neck repair kit”.

Finding the right band name is one of the most pivotal moments in a musical group’s journey. Many notable bands went through more than one title before settling on a Rock Moniker. Discover which bands once went by names like: Naked Toddler; Wicked Lester; The Shrinky Dinks; Atomic Mass; and The Polka Tulk Blues Band.

Join us for one of the most infuriatingly extreme subway rides ever, and learn all about toe spreading, licking the sword, burning the giraffe, magic blankets and why Albort is worried about possums, zebras and woodpeckers plaguing the New York subway systems.

Widen your vocabulary with these words that sound dirty, but aren’t: Sack-But; Sack-ButT; Shuttlecock; Nicker-Picker; Nib lick; Logorrhea; Pissasphalt; and an Interrobang (‽). Don’t be a lobcock or a nodgecock; be a fartlek and get fecund with Albort Einstone in today’s episode, Talking Dirty.

Did you know that Green Acres was a spinoff of Petticoat Junction? And Petticoat Junction was a spin off of The Beverly Hillbillies? And Good Times was a spinoff of Maude! Can you believe that Sheriff Lobo got his own series? And Magnum PI has crossed over with Simon & Simon and Murder, She Wrote. Learn some fascinating television trivia relating to sitcoms, spinoffs, crossovers and catchphrases. It’s Sit and Spinoff.

Explorer. Adventurer. Neurologist. Sailor. Stud. Diplomat. Scientist. Champion Ice Skater. Champion Skier. Nobel Peace Prize Winner. You need to know about this guy.

E06.3 That Ain't Right by Albort Einstone

Albort jumps the shark in our 22nd episode, Idiomdom. Toeing the line between literal and figurative speaking he uncovers the stories behind such idioms as “it’s a cakewalk” “throwing in the towel” “costing and arm and a leg” and, of course, “jumping the shark”. Discover the origin of the words “bimbo” “pushover” and “scram”, find out why we call weaker, smaller, frightened people “chickens” and learn to speak jive.

Jump into the Curiosity Winnebago as Albort takes you on a road trip across America, zigzagging north to south and south to north and from east to west to see the biggest ball of twine, the Paul Bunyan statue that comes alive in Stephen King’s novel “IT”, a UFO House, Jim the Wonder Dog Gardens, PT Barnum’s grave, the Fiji Merman, the Death Tiki of Awesomeness and go inside Lucy the Elephant, Climatron, dinosaurs and the world’s biggest kaleidoscope. You will visit every drive-to-able state with the exception of Alaska. It’s the American Zigzag!

American English can be one of the most confusing languages to comprehend as it is constantly evolving and including everyday slang into its lexicon. Even words that have been around for a while can be confusing to people who already speak English: flammable and inflammable mean the same thing. This week, Albort highlights some of the many instances from everyday conversations that make failing English so easy.

Where did the infinity symbol come from? What is the true meaning behind the barber pole? Does a little blue ribbon mean more that one thing? What common everyday gesture means “anus” south of the equator? Discover the answer to these and other symbols, logos and gestures that are recognizable worldwide. This is symbolically speaking.

After Saturday’s big boxing match, we decided to pit the Warner Brothers Duck against the Disney Duck to find out which is most Quacktastic. Which pantsless fowl do you prefer? After Albort makes his case, you may change your mind. And get to know some of the amazing voice talent that have entertained us for the past 80+ years from Silly Symphonies to Looney Toons to Scooby Doo to Futurama and The Simpsons. It’s the Daffy Donald Dilemma.

To celebrate today’s rare Solar Eclipse, this episode is dedicated to the exploration of the heavens and the invention that opened the night sky to everyone, the telescope. And you have to go through Aristotle, Nicolaus Copernicus, Johannes Kepler and Galileo Galilei, just to name a few, to get to it. Learn about Halley’s Comet, the Hubble Telescope, the black hole in the center of our galaxy, what a Jansky noise is and say goodbye to Albort’s favorite space mission, Cassini-Huygens. Scope this out!

In one of our tiniest “sodes” ever, Albort briefly analyzes the root origins of the names of colors. While he doesn’t cover all of the hues sewn into Joseph’s Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, he most definitely enlightens the origins of all of the chromatic tones of the rainbow, the three crayon colors they give your kid when you go to a family friendly restaurant, and a couple of less popular tinges as well, like Puce and Alice Blue.

Albort is cleaning out the file cabinet of spare curiosities that he was unable to include in past shows, so, these are kind of like the deleted scenes from materials found for our first 12 episodes, revealing Cookie Monster’s first name, the meaning of the phrase, “The Luck of the Irish” and you’ll meet a heavy metal singing parrot and Chinese Fire Monkeys!

Who really invented the moonwalk? Was the Apollo moon landing a hoax? Is there water anywhere else in our solar system? Was Galileo a jerk? What are the names of all the other moons in our solar system? What is the Jade Rabbit? Who invented the moonpie? All of this and more are revealed in this episode of lunacy about our moon, all of the moons of our solar system and the ritual of mooning.

This week, Albort invites his first guest, and long time friend and colleague, Bobby Fulton on the show for an incongruent back and forth that proves to be an assortment of multifariousness. Get to know your host a little bit better in this zany session of outrageous questions that will make you think about how YOU would answer them.

April 11, 1954 is considered the most boring day in history since 1900, but is it? Join Albort as he attempts to “deborify the boring”. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.