Umpire Pants

We recorded this a super long time ago so I have no idea what is in here, except the cat walked on the board and played a sound effect so loud I had to edit the file to make it quieter, and I don't edit ANYTHING. I'm doing a Dogme 95 type thing here.

We talked about some stuff, did some hyntz, the usual

This is from so long ago all I remember is that we watched the pumps and a bump video

We recorded this a long time ago and I haven't listened to it yet. I hope we didn't say anything bad!

Guess who didn't set a calendar reminder to release their podcast? I think this one is pretty good. I got about halfway through and didn't hear anything weird so fingers crossed! We recorded this one in person in the condo

Sloppy start; Oh Word?; dive bars; gelato; Puerto Viejo update; street music; concerts; disastrous Readers Digest quiz; AI writing sucks; quilts are underrated; hot dog pizza; Umpire Pants Out

Episode 255: Trip Reports I remembered to name the episode! Our trips to Costa Rica and Las Vegas; Mary gets very mad at us for interrupting her story (Bill mostly); we "ended" the episode early; ; old folks homes and casinos; more Las Vegas; mom was a little mad we went to Vegas without her; best parts of Vegas; Shawn Kemp update; Bill needs a deadline; Bill lied about releasing this on the same day; Bill is not a fan of Al Franken; watch Sherlock Jr.; Umpire Pants Out

Surprise again! We reorded this about a month ago and I have neglected to upload it the whole time. Whoops! But I did learn something--I don't do anything if I don't have a deadline. Just kidding I already knew that. The deadline in this case is we started recording again so now I have 3 episodes piling up. I have no idea what we talked about because I didn't listen to it so hopefully nothing bad! We'll get back on an every other week schedule soon.

Surprise! A new episode! Bill here. I'm in charge of editing and publishing so from now on the podcast will be late and full of Mary's lip smacking. Rant and rave/skeletons/driver's ed/bully sticks/bean bag chairs/Lethbridge fashion/house dressing/PSA: cars are dangerous/everything is getting worse update/Redmond is a small town/I don't know what the buttons do/Empire Pants Out

An old lady and two cool young people is back, baby! Which famous trio do we line up with? Bill has a Toe Update (not the pee toe, the other toe). Mary is fresh off her 70th birthday party. We're off Twitter. Beloved Robin Williams, Popeye, and joke stealing. Bill saw Three Days of the Condor. Jon Candy is the best. New Segment: Bustin' Mom's Balls! Mary is afraid to use her toaster oven knobs. We won't become a video podcast. Bill thinks William Shatner is a good actor. Ice Cream Truck of the Week: Reboot (the show) and people being happy to see stranger's dogs. Umpire Pants Out!

It's a re-run of our Halloween Episode! We have some new ones coming, so don't fret, folks! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Bill wasn't willing to drive over an hour to record with us in person, but we're back! THIS IS STILL OFFICIALLY A PODCAST! We're doing two-times a month eps now, folks. Bill's Ice Cream Truck of the Week: Detroiters. Shout out to our Canadian listeners! Have you heard the fake English Italian song? Mary is afraid of carwashes, but nothing else. Bill loved the Elvis movie, even though he just said biopics are hokey. Rod Stewart talk. Bat report: Got a bat. Our Botan Rice candy tattoos. Kelley's Hint List! How to clean after broiling meat. Drapery Rules. Rules for new down pillows. Umpire Pants Out!

Sorry for the long wait, but we're back! Sort of. This was recorded while Kelley was out on vacation and she just finally posted it. We'll be back-back soon. Hi to the Canadians! Bill's family is at Comicon and costumes are discussed. Mary doesn't like most vampire movies, and The Dayshift is no exception. Our dad is here, too! Bill watched the George Carlin and Gary Shandling documentaries on HBO. Bill's Ice Cream Truck of the Week: Larry Sanders show. (Kelley did the Oh Word drop, guys, but she's flattered it was called out as Nigel-quality.) Mary and Russel had a wild trip to Portland, including a near death choking experience, a car break-in, and a confrontation the family does not condone. Mary eats baking chocolate? WTF. Russel is here to talk about ice cream toppings (start with Costco's Super Premium ice cream) and general Costco talk ensues. Kelley's Hint List! Use a butter bucket to make a stool! Stitch through a blotter after oiling your sewing machine to pick up leftover oil. Remove dirt patches on your floor with a turpentine rag. Umpire Pants Out!

Bill is on the phone and we talk about The Twits right off the bat. The Stupid's books were great. The Godfather and Deer Hunter movies are mixed up in Kelley's head. Kelley recommends Claws one final time as a “good bad show.” Bill recommends Banshee as another over the top show. Kelley has a New Wives Tale: You can freeze fresh guacamole!!! Mary ate some rotten beans and might die. We used to have a potato drawer. Mary was very briefly cut off from baked beans. If Bill dies, it's from a cat scratch. Toe update from Bill. Bill's Timely Movie Review: Dirty Dancing edition. Kelley's Hint List! Slipcover fabric hints. Cover holes with patches. Use ammonia on your chandeliers. Umpire Pants Out!

We're having a heat wave and Bill's hotdog toe isn't making him want to travel to Seattle, so we're taking a week off. Here is an episode from one year ago. We'll be back soon, folks! Love you! XOXO Kelley

Bill is calling in with a serious toe injury. !!!SKIP AHEAD to MINUTE FIVE (5:00) IF YOU'RE SQUIMISH!!! Mary hurt her back putting on pants and Kelley buzzed her head. What are we watching? Stranger Things; Only Murders in the Building; Obi Wan Kenobi (SPOILER ALRT – Obi Wan – I have no idea if Bill was joking about this being a spoiler – KJ). The stinger animals have beef with Mary – why? Herman got scared of a spider, and Bill remembers an old baby spider story. Costa Rican creatures. Mary's Reviews of Cooking Recipes! Non-listener Meaghan submitted this week's bowling meat recipe. Mary's rude to service workers still. Wing doors seem like a bad idea when you're lifting kids out of backseats. Kelley's Hint List: Wrap your mop in a bag to shake it if you can't go outside. Remove grease with soap and French chalk (AKA Tailor's Chalk). Don't wash away your linoleum. Umpire Pants Out!

Oh boy, I haven't even started listening, but I know this one got super sloppy as the second of an outdoor double-header. The Mariners are getting fun, so we're going to a game. Old racists don't like baseball to be fun. Bill thinks people are secretly drinking a lot more. Reviews of Cooking Recipes! Lasagna. We talk sugar in tomato sauce. It's Mary's Anniversary, and she reveals she gets in a fight every day! Congratulations to 52 years of daily fights and not getting a divorce. The Green Giants – The Hulk and The Jolly Green. Toby McGuire love. Ice Cream Truck of the Week: Bill recommends The White Darkness. Trader Joe's all have bad parking lots. Max is doing jokey stuff. Raccoons and crows teaming up could mean trouble. We're gonna let animals take over for awhile. Reviews of Cooking Recipes! Baked potatoes. Bill has a good archiving project to see what regular people look like during different eras and places. Colbert Question: What song would you choose if you had to listen to one for the rest of your life? Kelley's Hint List! Clean and save your bacon rind. Select dress patterns according to bust and hips. Sharpen your sewing machine needles with a wet stone. Wipe your sweeper brushes occasionally. Umpire Pants Out!

It's a live outside recording today! We're at Bill's and he's fresh off some serious R&R (Hawaii and Ween). Ice Cream Truck of the Week: Vape pens. Kelley has weird self imposed cheapskate rules. Biopics are all hokey! Mary watched RRR and she liked it…A LOT! What time of day should Kelley watch this long ass movie? Kelley again recommends Russion Doll with Natasha Lyonne. And the time travel movie Primer comes up again as a recommendation, along with Time Crimes. And Outlander. Fanny Packs are back! We talk about Ross and the show starts to fall apart. Bill had a great security guard experience at Ween. A Ross Schaefer joke that Bill can't forget. Mary has a story about chips, and a customer service nightmare experience. We can't stop talking about local stores (I actually for real cut some out today, Nutballs). Bill is hooked on TJ Hooker. Bill is getting into the Phoney Call-y podcast. Kelley's Hint List! Remove white spots on shellacked floors. Clean your plaster décor with starch and water. We read a complicated Damask and dirndl and salt bag hint. The plastic situation is a losing battle. Seattle Pride Parade recap – Mary still loves Dykes on Bikes. Kelley had a rare opportunity where riding the monorail made sense. Umpire Pants Out!

It's the second episode of a Double Header, but it's early and Saturday so we're not too worried. City fast food vs. suburban fast food. Acres of Clams is a gross tagline. Mary gives a cat update. Bill has to deal with Unemployment Fraud again. Mary got a bonus at the casino, but it sounds like the dealers are struggling. Max the Dog wants to stay in bed all morning. Lack of empathy in society. We steal another Colbert Question: Have you ever asked a famous person for an autograph? Kelley found out Mr. Rogers does all the puppet voices when she saw him live! Mary reads the intro to Kelley's Hint List! Don't strangle your heating system. Use 5x the fabric for recovering your chair. Oil the motor on your electric mixer. Umpire Pants Out!

Sorry, I'm not doing great, don't have my shit together and have fallen down completely on releasing these on time, and I probably won't ever get there again. This podcast is doomed and we all know it. Fuck the Patriarchy. Enjoy! We've had a shitty spring and no one should have lawns. Mary is moving to Cleveland. Bill finished RRR and gives it two thumbs up. New Wives Tale: Burt Reynolds Edition. We try to clear up a childhood mystery regarding nudy pics grandma had in her apartment. Who is in the painting Kelley has by her front door? Being bad neighbors. Colbert Question: Favorite Action Movie? Kelley's Hint List: Using and painting putty. Run hot water before emptying dishwater. Umpire Pants Out!

We're back, baby! We have an Ice Cream Truck of the Week right up top! The Phony Call-y show, a podcast Kelley has been enjoying. Bill went to his Spanish speaking neighbor's house for the first time! Mary found out about online sports gambling and we're worried about this development. Mary was mean to the aquarium lady. Mary has a new waffle recipe. We have no sympathy for your June Gloom LA. Mary got a new watch at Costco and we trick her into a shopping spree. Kelley and Bill used to share a bong. Mary had a dream about Kelley getting an amazing tattoo. Watches and Formula 1. Mary is a fan of the stance Gabe Kapler, the SF Giants Skipper took about gun violence, so she bought a hat. We make Mary mad but she's not in a bad mood. Kelley's hint list. Keep smoke joints tight with asbestos cement. Replacing your window pulley strings. Bill recommends Magic Erasers. Herman is making crackers. Umpire Pants Out!

Hey guys! We'll be back tomorrow with an all new episode, but check out our Ice Cream Truck of the Week: The Phoney Call-y Show Podcast. Despite the fact Kelley Can't remember the first OR last name of one of the hosts, it's one of her current favs!

It's mid-May movie talk! Mary brings a list of movies she likes and the variety is astounding. Rant and Rave: Spicy food strikes again. Kelley has some walking around stories. Mary was impressed by a guy's purchase at Goodwill. Greenhouse prank or earthquake? We steal another Colbert Question: What happens when you die. Mary would hate Coffin Flop, even though it's so good (everyone watch I Think You Should Leave on Netflix!) Is not having a toaster like not having a purse? Kelley's Hint List! Redo your awnings with awning paint. Use a seltzer bottle for a fire extinguisher. Steaming a velvet coat. Umpire Pants Out!

Happy Mother's Day to all who celebrate. It's been cold, but spring is springing. Kelley was in Canada recently, enjoying their legal weed, and eating lots of dessert. Mary got a free room at a Casino and doesn't understand how other people are spending so much gambling. Is astrology being more popular a bad omen? Kelley tried to pay for some tiny peppers recently and it was a whole thing. Purse thefts. Mary rates her cats and they're not making the honor roll. We steal the Colbert Questions again. We get an air fryer update. Kelley's Hint List! Set your thermostat to 70, not 75. Umpire Pants Hard Out!

We're back with Bill on the phone. Have you heard the limited edition episode, No. 238? Listen before we take it down. We talk about squirrels and raccoons and Kelley has to bring up an upsetting baby rabbit antidote for some reason. Bill tries to explain a vaporizer to Mary. We tell some stories of asshole geese. Mary went to the Smith Tower bar and recommends it but the elevator might be dicey. Ice Cream Truck of the Week: Mariners Baseball and Claws the TV show. Shit List of the Week: Annoying Baseball Fans. Mary got a jury summons but it seem nothing came of it. Kelley's Hint List! Adjusting the water heater temperature. Sharpen scissors by cutting sandpaper with them. Mending a wire screen. Umpire Ass Out!

Sorry for the re-run, folks! We'll be back soon with fresh new episodes, but enjoy this one from a year ago this week!

Was it a good idea to record at 11:30pm in a hotel room in Gresham, Oregon? No! Did we redeem ourselves by recording at 10:00am the next day? Not really! We're recording on Easter, and generally have good holidays in our family. Shout out to our youngest listener, and a quick chat about kids books. We discuss our food choices over the weekend. Please visit WOOD VILLAGE BURRITO SHOP if you're ever in the Troutdale area of Oregon. We have some new weed accessories. We have some GET OUT SPOILERS so skip ahead if you're years behind like us. Ira Levin books and movies. What horror movies do we like? Vegetarian burgers and hot vegetarian food. Mary has beef with The Doughboys podcast, because the Veggie Grill mac and cheese is spicy. The insane housing market. What the hell - Mary buys water now? Umpire Pants Out! And Umpire Pants back in, baby! Stay tuned for the last 20 minutes where we get super sloppy. Another review of Get Out? Should Mary and Bill start a movie podcast? We do one hint from Kelley's Hint List then end this shit-show. Umpire Pants Out!

We're not sure what the DJ truck is all about, but it's back and we love it. Bill's an old man yelling at guys in parking lots. Rock tumbling update. Kelley's bad a domestic stuff, but she found some sunglasses that can stand up to her funny business. You can watch full Letterman eps on Youtube. Mary claims she invented roasted asparagus. We have a bit of PeeWee Herman talk. We're right on time talking about The Slap. Mary watched Cruella for the costumes after the Oscars. Ice Cream Truck of the Week: Summer of Soul and Top of the Lake. We answer some of the Colbert questions, and shockingly, Bill and Mary pick the same favorite sandwich. Mary made paper with seeds in it! Bill has a parking cone and he's prepared to use it. Everyone read about the Sankebetsu Brown Bear Incident. Mary describes a Trailer Park Boys episode, but you should just watch it. Kelley's Hint List! Tin utensil tips. Don't shake your toaster too much. Get cream out of clothes with the usual methods. Mary recounts a childhood memory of breaking into a found briefcase with neighborhood kids. Umpire Pants Out!

We're in person again! But Bill is grumpy because there was no parking in Seattle. We explain what a bell-end is to our mom, using hand drawn pictures. Mary has a foot injury and a dubious home remedy. Mary is furious at another server. Bill's gout corner. Nextdoor update and unfounded fear. Kelley had an offseason Seafair Pirate sighting. We contemplate the 24 Hours of Lemons race. Kelley steals Mary's segment: Reviews of Cooking Recipes! Kelley's Hint List Tips for oiling your piano. Nail paper to your window screens before storing them for winter. Use old net curtains to make scrubbing clothes for dishwashing. We have a DJ Truck Sighting during our recording! Why can't Bill open coffee bags? Umpire Pants Out!

Episode 236: I Don't Let Furnace Guys Touch my Furnace by Umpire Pants

Bill's calling in from the Podcast Shed, but he's fresh of a Sparks show and feeling good. Kelley and Mary are about to go to Jackie Kashian at the Crocodile. The podcast gets interrupted by a mouse, so Kelley disappears for a minute, but what an opportunity to tell some mouse stories! Rant and Rave – Can we guess the one Mary wrote? As always, yes we can. Ice Cream Truck of the Week: Tulips! Rest in Peace to local Seattle sports broadcasting great John Clayton. The Seattle Aquarium is The Bomb, according to Mary. Should we got to the Maldives? What about Malta? We do three more questions from a Reader's Digest quiz. Kelley's Hint List! The first one was about boilers or something. Use alum to mend broken dishes. Umpire Pants Out!

We're off to a great start, with no sound check, but we're all together! Mary and Bill went to Nate Bargatze at the Moore, and it was great, but the crowd was a bit belligerent. Mary has a dead mouse situation. Bill has a theory that no one is very smart. We have a roundabout conversation about Cheaper by the Dozen and do a Reader's Digest quiz. Kelley's Hint List! Eliminate colored bulbs for energy savings. Hang pants by the cuffs to remove wrinkles. Choose proper material for draperies. Umpire Pants Out!

Kelley and Mary are on a girl's trip, and we have Bill on the phone! We reminisce about Mary breaking her collarbone last time she visited Orcas Island. Mary wants recordings of her favorite farts, or something? Bill is a little further into the Avengers, and he can't even commit to finishing, unless they change the animation style to “Roger Rabbit.” The trend of dark movies and shows. Does Mary ever get sick? We don't know, but she does get stuck in an elevator! Kelley's Hint List! Use traction tricks to get your car unstuck. Prevent battery corrosion with Vaseline. Wax your table and chair legs when you do your floors. Umpire Pants Out!

Sorry for the super late release, this week, folks! But we have a super special show for you, the long awaited Who's on First episode! Bill and Kelley try reading the bit made famous by Abbott and Costello. Then Kelley and Mary give it a go, and pull an amazing mid-script switcharoo! Enjoy! Umpire Pants Out!

We're live in person, and using Bill's creaky table! We recap our Super Bowl party. Has the Random Restaurant bot Twitter account make you want to visit anywhere? What do Recycle Bitch and Sugar Tits have in common? Bill watched Bullitt. Max gets antsy so we take an early break. The French Connection also has a car chase scene. Mary's mad at a podcast she hasn't even listened to you yet. Are we going to have to spend the night in a haunted house? We're doing Who's on First next week. Clash of the Titans. Kelley's Hint List. Close the blinds to control temps. Make a duvet for your blankets. Keeps brakes adjusted to preserve tires. How did Mary hurt her ankles making jewelry? Umpire Pants Out!

We recorded this before the Superbowl, but Bill's prediction that Kelley didn't understand was dead on. Update on Douglas, the Squirrel. What do the movies Never Cry Wolf and Doc Hollywood have in common? Who remembers Dudley Moore? Mary has a controversial Rant and Rave printed in the paper. Mary's Red Robin penny scheme. Finding lost objects. Should our family invent a birthday song? Kelley's Hint List! Smush your old gross soap together! We discuss why we were all so impacted by the Irish Spring commercial. Mad Magazine. Kettle hints. Umpire Pants Out!

YOU GUYS, WE ARE STILL DOING THE PODCAST, WE'RE JUST STRUGGLING THROUGH FEBRUARY. WE'LL SEE YOU SOON BECAUSE WE LOVE OUR NUTBALLS!!! XOXO KELLEY AND THE GANG The rock tumbler update you've all been waiting for! Cutting our own hair during the pandemic. Bill had the ultimate bad start to the day. We brag about our state's legal weed, again, and try to get a sponsorship going. Making an everyday activity your hobby. We get an impressive stair update! Guess what celebrities has Mary been compared to? Motivational speakers and cults. Kelley remembers a poor solution to a 6th grade problem. Ice Cream Truck of the Week: Rock Auto and their helpful website & The Bob Newhart Show. We return to the topic of Mary cutting sandwiches, and then talk ban mi (Pho 25 on 3rd Ave in Seattle is the place with good Vietnamese tofu sandwiches). Recipes from First Graders! Umpire Pants Out!

Bill is gone, Mary is hungry and hung-over, and I'm not going to lie, this one is a shit show. Felix is here, though! Mary went out howling last night, even though she's doing dry January. We get back on track with Rant and Raves. There is playoff football on, so Mary is distracted. School update from Felix. Ramen talk. Mary has a message just for Christy! Listen up! Kelley's Hint List! How to revive a velvet gown. Use an old blanket to protect linoleum from your appliances. Don't use oil over wax on your floors. How to care for your mattress (take it outside once a week!). We do a Reviews of Cooking Recipes out of order, Mug Cake edition. Umpire Pants Out!

It's a Mary and Kelley Ep, because Bill has COVID-19. Sorry about that, but we'll be back on track someday. Not next week, though, Bill is out again then, but seriously, someday! The delight of a sunny day in the middle of a rainy January. Mary is taking a new jewelry class, and, not to brag, she hasn't even glued her fingers together yet! We try to talk about Meatloaf, the singer, but we don't have a lot to say, since we're not fans. We remember Louis Anderson. Mary has a rubber balloon update. We get indignant about Poutine for a minute, but it's because of Mary's Recipe Review! Kelley has a manager's response to a review. Mary complains about check writer. Kelley's Hint List! Don't yank on your sheets too much. Remove soot from baffles. Umpire Pants Out! (RIP Louis Anderson, clip from 2016 AOL Build Interview)

I explain why this is being released late (but not why it's still a day late, give me a break). Pandemic isn't going great, folks, and Covid-19 has finally hit our family. Weather report: bong breaking cold. We wonder why you'd do yoga outside this time of year. We share dumb things we wrote down this week, brighter lights, jack in the boxes, and connecting the dots on detective shows. Cool dudes standing up for cancelled men. The High and Mighty podcast gave Kelley a good dumpling idea. Kelley's Hint List! Have your glazier cut your broken mirror up. Don't skid your tires excessively. Using cheese cloth to remove stains. Umpire Pants Out!

***I found the SD card! Yes, me, Kelley, not my husband at all, it was me! Enjoy this now outdated episode, everyone.*** It's episode 227 and we're hoping you fondly remember the TV show, and it rubs off on our podcast. Bill is making fondue for New Year's, but he's resisting the idea of adding baked beans for some reason. Mary assumes we know what a corm is, and boy is she wrong. Mary loves to make wrapping paper, and to get mad at us for not appreciating it. Rest in peace to Betty White. (We put a clip from Lake Street Dive's cover of the Golden Girl's Theme song in this ep, check out the whole song, and their other stuff! @lakestreetdive on twitter). Kelley's Hint List! Using urea for plants, and drying your brushes. Umpire Pants Out!

HEY SO I LOST THE SD CARD THIS WEEK'S EP IS SAVED ON. I'M CONVINCED IT'S IN MY APARTMENT STILL, BUT I'M ALREADY A DAY LATE POSTING, SO ENJOY THIS RETRO EPISODE FROM ABOUT A YEAR AGO. XOXO - KELLEY The first day of winter was a doozy in the Seattle area. We remember a weird antique store with a creepy doll room. Getting lost driving. Mary is going to try Dry January. Ice Cream Truck of the Week: The John Carpenter Movie They Live. Mary is setting up a hummingbird fight club, and thinks cats will burn to death if you don't prevent it. King of the Dudes! Mary got a Rant and Rave published in the Seattle Times! Improperly fitted masks in the NFL. Which side is your appendix on, Bill?! What about your gizzard? Recipes from First Graders. Macaroons, Banana Split. Mary's parking ticket saga. Kelley's Hint List! Turn off lights to save money. Wax your car's chassis. Turn on faucets before buying a house. Umpire Pants Out!

It's the holidays, and we kind of just got off track this week, so you're getting a re-run, but don't fret, it's a good one! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! XOXOXO Well, we tried, we failed, we learned nothing along the way, and we are still mad at each other. Enjoy this weeks long journey through the pandemic, where Mary refuses to join the herd and wear comfortable pants, Kelley desperately tries to convince her, and Bill is just sort of amused by how it all plays out. Umpire Pants Out!

Bill calls in for a short boy on a Sunday! Gathering with family as a new Covid variant emerges. Kelley and Mary are doing Christmas shit. The cats are in charge in our households. Ice Cream Truck of the Week: Making Crunchwraps at home! Reviews of Cooking Recipes! But first, Bill reviews Casa Blanca, because Mary can't find her review. We hear about a corn bread stuffing recipe, and how to deal with living in the PNW through the shitty weather. We saw a goat and it really made an impression. Kelley's Hint List! Boil vinegar or baking soda in water to remove burned on stains. Use starch on curtains for easier care. Go around buttons so you don't mess up your iron.

It's a late record, it's a short boy, and we're off to a great start. Bill and Mary can't handle dirty dishes anymore. Do we need to do a welfare check on Jay Leno? We have a short chat about Christmas music, and Mary claims to know something about inflation. Bill reveals he was dying for Underoos as a kid. We're all boosted up – get vaccinated folks! Kelley wants to brag about donating blood and it gets rambly. Mary has an elevator etiquette problem, and Kelley and Bill are not buying it, but they sure talk about it for a long time! Kelley's Hint List! Garden hose tips. Magnet fishing as a hobby. Mary's Reviews of Cooking Recipes! Umpire Pants Out!

The gang's back together, but Kelley didn't hit record, like a dipshit, so we try to recap what we lost. The Arches of Science are giving us Kraken spoilers. We're excited Impossible burgers are available at the new stadium! Mary wants you to stop the show and tell a friend to listen. Bill is going to distribute his famous Chocolate Pie recipe. Should we be recording all our kid's performances? Kelley and Bill need to take a sibling trip to sort out family photos. Bill has a strange story of paying for food pick-up, and we discuss the nightmare that delivery apps can be for restaurants. We see some fascinating entitlement on this week's Nextdoor Update. Try pomegranate seeds on your tuna sandwiches. The vulgar recipe book song was MIA, but Kelley found a different recipe one she forgot about. We're re-committing to our White Men Can't Jump Podcast, coming someday. Kelley's Hint List! Don't burn your garbage in your boiler. You can repair most crockery with glue. Umpire Pants Out!

Bill calls in from the Podcast Shed on this Black Friday record! We recap Thanksgiving and Bill has a forest creature pop in. How did our chocolate pie tradition start? What movies are we watching this weekend? CSI Miami talk. Sir Mix-a-Lot was at the Westlake tree lighting, but it was still pretty boring. We come back from the break without Bill and Kelley makes Mary defend her sweet potatoes from Thanksgiving. Mary tells a tale of trying to track down a guy on the street she feels like she owes money to. We read a Review of a Cooking Recipe for damp fish, and then finish the day off with Kelley's Hint List. Umpire Pants Out.

Sorry for the late release, folks! We're kicking off the holiday week with another short and sloppy boy! Non-listener Meaghan joins Kelley and fits right in with an Ernst reference before we even hit record. We chat about the Kraken theme song by Aaron Jones that gets played before games, and then discover the Mariners have an odd official theme, but it has nothing on the Orlando Magic's song that is making a comeback. What did the Fly Girls wear, anyway? And why did Kelley assume everyone would know who the Fly Girls were? Your punishment for living in such a beautiful part of the country is having to hear Christmas in the Northwest at least once a year. Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve is the Seahawks walk-out music, and has always been oddly fitting. We do Recipes from First Graders and our guest knows the author of the first one - everyone check out local guitarist Kyle Summers! Kelley's Hint List! Ashes don't burn, clean your stove. Iron shirt collars front to back – Meaghan is peeved about this one! Umpire Pants Out!

We come out slow and sloppy with an electricity joke. BLACK STALLION SPOILERS are a potential here, because Mary is getting the Black Stallion from the library, and has Nate Bargatze tickets coming up, so she's got things to look forward to! What movies are better than the books they're based on? Bill says Jaws and The Godfather. Mary regrets reading Lord of the Rings. Superman talk. Mary got more Rant and Raves in the paper and we see if we can figure out which one is hers. Mary is taking a jewelry class and made some rings! We have some Tacoma jokes from the Seattle Joke Book! Mary has some Reviews of Cooking Recipes! Bill recounts helping a stranded teenager last summer, and helping a drunk guy on a bike years ago. We do some Recipes from First Graders! And Mary shocks us all by ending the show with an extra early Umpire Pants Out!

Surprise intro! Mary's coming in hot, but in denial about it. We discuss Aaron Roger's dipshit interview. Bill brags about reaching stuff off the top shelf for strangers, and Mary reminds us of her short-legged life hack for that very situation. Mary has adopted a street, but gets mad at us and barely finishes telling us about it. Bill confesses he has a gas leaf blower. Bill has some old guy musings regarding Snoop Dogg and Cheers. Halloween wrap-up. Mary brought the Seattle Joke book, and boy have we got a song for you! Kelley is blown away to learn the seed baron Ed Hume is from the Seattle area. Mary has some cooking recipe reviews. Bill has some great workout advice. Kelley's Hint List! Make sure your house doesn't have a 3-foot bathtub before you purchase it. Umpire Pants Out

The crew is all here, and Bill has a kerosene update. Bill went to a cabin and couldn't figure out how to make coffee. We have a major update on a recent hint! We talk about shoes and clothes. Mary wants to know what we'd hoard, but we're confused by her question. Trying unusual foods. Ice cream treats. The Gambler movie. Mary has taken up a new hobby – disc golf! Recipes from First Graders! Has Kelley ever made a cookie? Kelley's Hint List! Use alcohol on mirrors. Test ammonia before using on fabric. Check wheel alignment twice a year. Umpire Pants Out!