Podcasts about midlife boulevard

There are some people who can take the most difficult situations and find the humor in them. Cathy Sikorski is one of those people. I met her several years ago at a midlife bloggers association meeting and became an instant admirer. She's written a blog for years dedicated to examining the hard and hilarious life of caregiving, which she's done herself for the last twenty years. In addition to that, she's a practicing  dealing largely in Elder Law and in today's episode, has all kinds of personal and professional/legal advice to pass on to you. She's the author of several books, the first being “Showering with Nana."  Today we're going to discuss two more that outline very eloquently how to talk to your loved ones about their end of life plans – or what needs to happen when dementia is in the picture: Who Moved My Teeth and Twelve Conversations: How to Talk to Almost Anyone about Long-Term Care Planning. Not the most “fun” conversation to have – but vital ones. Our Advertisers Links!  Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription! You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you'd like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome! My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available everywhere and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook! And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You'll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you're giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I'll look forward to hearing from you! Episode Transcript Speaker 1: Well, you and I have known each other, Kathy, gosh, for 10 years. Maybe a Speaker 2: Long, I, I know a long time. We've grown up a lot in the years that it's been, so I'm gonna go Yeah. A long time Speaker 1: . Yeah. A long time. Well, I think I met you, uh, when we were all meeting at Midlife Boulevard and that kind of thing. Right? Right. Speaker 2: Yep. That's what I remember in that, in Nashville, I'm gonna say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaker 1: That huge hotel ...Yeah. It was great. And I have loved your work since, um, tried to have you on as one of the first guests of self-work, and I had no idea what I was doing technically, and I botched it, and I practically was in tears and said, I'll have to have you back on. And six years later, here we are, Speaker 2: , hey. But you know, a lot has happened in six years, and honestly Right. This is the universe because now is a really good time for us to talk. Yes, I have, and you have refocused our work many times. Right. And the refocus has helped us be better, um, Sherpa's for people in women especially, but people, uh, in what we're trying the message that we're trying to get out. Right. And so, I'm happy that it took six years. I, I, I, yeah. Really am, because I'm better focused about what I wanna say. Speaker 1: Well, you are incredibly kind. Your first book that I read was showering with Nana. Yeah. And I, it brought tears to my eyes, and I, I just loved that book. Speaker 2: Speaker 1: Well, for those of you who don't know, Kathy Sikorski's work, basically, I mean, she's, she's gone. And I want you to tell your story, but you've gone from being someone who was caring for a lot as I understand it, gone from a family member, a friend who was caring for a lot of people who were getting older and having those kinds of problems to then you earned your elder law degree and, and really have changed your whole life. And so I greatly admire that because it's, it's something where you have said, let me take what life has given me and then be able to have the experience on a lot of different levels, both personal and professional, so that I can really help other people. And I wanted you on, because I think this is so important, um, that we talk about, um, elder care and, um, everything you talk about, you have two new books, uh, that you sent fairly New, who Moved My Teeth, which I, after I read this, I peppered my husband with questions about, do we have that? Do we have this, do we have this? Um, and then I, I read until about 10 30 last night, uh, 12 conversations, how to talk to almost anyone about long-term planning. And so I have both of those books here with questions. Uh, so tell us a little bit about your story first. Speaker 2: So, so, yeah. I'm so happy that you brought up the fact that my life, what happened in my life, really informed and changed the way I decided to have a career. Yeah. Because I think, especially women, we get very feeling trampled down about what life is throwing at us and how we can't go do the thing we thought we wanted to do, or what we should be doing, or how we thought life should let us do this. That's right. Thing. Right. We feel very trampled by, by caregiving, by caring for our children, our parents, our, our, our spouses or whatever. And yet, it's an expectation that right or wrong, and a lot of times wrong, comes with just being a female, right? Mm-hmm. . Speaker 2: And so, I, I, I became a caregiver for eight different family and friends over the last 30 years. And honestly, this is a job for me that happened out of certainly love and respect for people in my life. My grandmother, my aunts, my, you know, my very good friend who fell down a flight of stairs and had no one to care for her, and had a traumatic brain injury. My brother-in-law, my sister passed away, and he was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, the worst possible kind. And so I became his primary caregiver. So my only point being about that, that you made, which was, there were times when I was mad about that. Like, this isn't what I wanna be doing. This isn't what I think my life is supposed to be about. Right. I have dreams, I have aspirations. And it turns out that that's exactly what my dreams and aspirations were all about. It was taking my life experience and turning it into the person I wanted to be, which was this speaker, author, educator about something really important that I learned that I could share with people to help make their lives better. Speaker 1: Was that even close to anything that you had predicted or dreamed or wondered about that maybe that's the direction your life would go? Was it anywhere close? Speaker 2: No. Well, I didn't know it, but yes, because here's the thing. I wanted to be an actress. Okay? I was a theater major in college , um, for a couple years. And then I realized two things. I had a boyfriend. I couldn't spend any time with him, and I didn't, wasn't sure I could make any money being an actress, right? It, it, it's the poor girl's way to, to go about it. Maybe, I don't know. Lots of people make money and lots of money, but, so then my other dream was to be a lawyer, which is exactly what I did. Um, but in my mind it was the, the Clarence Darrow, the, you know, the big trial lawyer who's gonna save and help people by, you know, making these great trial things where, like you see on television the big surprise ending, whatever, all of which, of course has an acting component to it. May I add, right? Speaker 1: ? Of course. Speaker 2: So what that means for me, really what that meant for me is two things. I really wanted to help people, and I wanted to be in front of audiences in some fashion, right? Mm-hmm. and Margaret, that's exactly what I do. Wow. That's exactly what I do. Exactly. Speaker 1: Yeah. Wow. Mm-hmm. , it's giving me goosebumps. Speaker 2: Me too. . Speaker 1: And that's, you know, how when you say you got angry about it, it, it's, I mean, that's a lot of people to be primary caregiver for. Speaker 2: Yeah. . Speaker 1: So, I mean, can you tell us a little bit about, was there no one else? Did you just do it better than everyone? And you knew you did, did you, was it just everybody? That's the way your life turned out. Speaker 2: Everybody in your audience probably is a caregiver on some level, let's be honest. Mm-hmm. and, and, and the caregiving, you know, like I say, the joke is the train comes to my door and stops and everybody gets off. I mean, two things happened. Number one, like my grandmother in that book, my first book Showering with Dana, she came to live with me. And I had a two-year-old at the time. Mm-hmm. , so had a 92 year old and a Speaker 1: Two year, which is a hilarious book, by the way. Speaker 2: Thank you. They were, they definitely wanted to, you know, gang up on me and see what they could do, get away with it, Speaker 1: , Speaker 2: And it worked a lot. Um, but they, but that experience then led to, you know, other family members both on my side and my husband's side needing care. And as I'm doing this, as you remarked, I, I was a, I was a small town lawyer at the time mm-hmm. mm-hmm. . And as I started to formulate my practice around elder law, which is really kind of a new area of law, it is not, it is not the ancient law of, you know, criminal law and trial law, and even a state law, which goes back hundreds of years. Elder law is new because it's, it's about Medicare and Medicaid and nursing homes and, you know, things that have been growing and growing and growing during our lifetime. Mm-hmm. . But I needed to know this stuff cuz the people I were take, I was taking care of were old people. And then I was taking care of not so old people, but who were also in a system of Medicare and Medicaid because of their illnesses, their dramatic illnesses or whatever. So I, I just had to learn it. Sure. And then I became an elder lawyer, you know, cause of that. Speaker 1: Is that an actual, uh, specific kind of law, specific law degree? Speaker 2: It isn't, it isn't a law degree. There are certifications that you, certifications take. Yes, absolutely. And there are classes now, I would say they're fairly new in law school. Law schools are now offering elder law classes. Um, and it is definitely a specialty in law for sure. Okay. It's ab and there's lots of lawyers. That's Speaker 1: So that's really what I do. I try to teach everyone out there why you need an elder lawyer. What is it that you need? And what is different about elder law as opposed to any other, Speaker 1: Well, you make that point very well. again So, but the point being that I think some of us do go on autopilot, even if we're aware of these kinds of things. Speaker 1: And then other people just simply don't wanna think about it. You know, I grew up the daughter of funeral director and we, I mean, death was a part of life. I heard about people dying every day. And so I have a little bit of a different take on it, I think because of that. But certainly in my practice now for a long time, I, you know, mortality is something that, an illness and losing control, I mean, it's something that we all fear so much. Look at what's happening to Bruce Willis right now. I mean, he's taking the very brave step of letting some information out about it. Fronto, frontotemporal dementia or something like that. Mm-hmm. Speaker 2: mm-hmm. Speaker 1: . Um, and so, you know, good for him, but it's also very frightening and, uh, very, I think probably how many people have said, I'd rather just be hit by a bus than develop Alzheimer's. Speaker 2: So here's the thing though, it doesn't work that way. Yes. That's the problem. It doesn't work that way. And by ignoring at your peril, not taking, getting your affairs in order mm-hmm. , you really make it hard for the people who love you. That's right. And that's not what you wanna do. You don't wanna make it hard for the people who love you. And so, especially in my world where I deal with people who are sick, I deal with people who are incapacitated. So, so Bruce Willis is a perfect example of being so generous of spirit, his family, to share this diagnosis with the world, which is quite frankly, a horrific diagnosis. Yes. It's, um, to say, we've been dealing with this, we now know what it is and we're going to continue to deal with it. Speaker 2: But you can absolutely pretty much ensure that they have their affairs in order. So in other words, during the journey when they were trying to figure out the problem, they made sure that their powers of attorney were in order. That they, that those powers of attorney let them do what they want them to do. Because it's like you said, sure. You sort of know about it, you hear about it, you have it. But did it really do what you wanted it to do? Which is why I talk about it more specifically in the book so people know what questions to ask. What kinds of questions am I supposed to be asking about this document that somebody has shoved under my nose to sign? Right. Speaker 1: Let's talk a little bit about, I mean, I did not read all of who Moved My Teeth, but the, the picture of the book that I got was certainly, there's a lot of information about exactly what you just said at the beginning of the book. And then the latter part of the book is more, um, well, practical, practical, pragmatic, Speaker 2: Practical advice for caregivers for really Yes. When you're stepping into it, how do I talk to my person who, you know, how do I spend a whole day with someone who's quite frankly making me insane with it? The same questions, or Sure. You know, what kinds of things can I do? What are they acting crazy? Maybe they have a urinary tract infection. And I never knew about Speaker 1: That. I was gonna ask you about UTIs, cuz that's really a big deal. You know, before we move on too much, there's a young man I worked with several years ago now, he lived on a farm kind of complex. All his family lived together and he adored, adored his grandmother. And she was diagnosed with, uh, a terminal illness and she refused to talk with him about her dying. And I'll never forget, he came, this young man was tough as a brick, you know, and a reared on a farm and used to, I mean, he didn't, I mean, the fact that he even came to therapy was a minor miracle. But he said, it's just like there's this, she's gone, she was dead by the time he came in. And she, he said, I never got to talk to her about how I was gonna miss her and what I loved about her. And I know that's a separate topic in many ways from some of the more legal things, but not really. I mean, it's intertwined, isn't it? Speaker 2: But I, yes, and I love that because these legal things are an act of love. Speaker 1: Yes. Speaker 2: This is an act of love both for you as the person who is doing it. And for you as a person who's saying, mom, dad, I wanna spend time with you. I just had this conversation with two three daughters who, who have a, a podcast as well, which, which we talked about doing that. But, but they, they said we had to step in so quickly as caregivers. We didn't get the end of times as daughters. Speaker 1: Right. Speaker 2: And, and I have read this again and again, that people would so much more rather be grandsons and daughters and loving spouses rather than caregivers trying to deal with paperwork and, you know, and hospitals and doctors and anything you can do to make the hard road, the, the, the legal road, the people, anything that you can do to make that crisis part of the road smoother, gives you time to be a loved one. Speaker 1: Oh, that's a great point. It's such a significant one. Um, it, this the other book I talked about, 12 conversations really does pick out, you know, how do you talk to your dad? How do you talk to your mom? How do you talk to your siblings? How do you talk to your children? Um, and I I I loved a lot because you actually then have dialogue that we can read and go along with it. And you made jokes along the way. I love one of 'em called, I mean, I, I, I I dogeared it. What was it you said? Um, let see. Oh, it says, as you go through this chapter, you'll begin to understand that although this basic paperwork is crucial, it is the tip of the iceberg. And we are on the caregiving Titanic. . Speaker 2: Well, wow, that was good. Yeah, Speaker 1: That was good, wasn't it, Speaker 2: ? Speaker 1: And you're right, it's inevitable. You know what's gonna happen eventually, um, I've been on a hospice board for, or I was on it for many years and, you know, heard a lot of stories about how people handle palliative care and hospice and was thinking about that as I read your books. And, um, but I, I love the specificity of, of what you talk about in who Moved My Teeth, for example. You literally have a list of 60 ways to be more patient. You know, everything from count to 10 to drink a large glass of water, change what you're doing, take a bath, put gum in your mouth, , Speaker 1: Tell a joke, take a picture, order food, put lotion on you or your loved one, clean out a drawer, go through family photos, dance, bake color, and a coloring book. Tell a story. I mean, it's just these, I love the specificity of this. Speaker 2: And that gives not only you control, but the, but your loved one. Right. Right. So whether they have dementia or they're just ill, or they're just homebound or, you know, everyone doesn't have dementia, Margaret or, you know, caregiving isn't isn't just for those people with dementia. Like, it, it, it extends itself to lots of different kinds of people and their, their challenges. But if you are, for instance, coloring with them, it just gives them some control. Here's your page, here's my page. You can pick your crayon, you can pick your colored pencil. And even that, that little tiny weird thing of the two of you sitting there, you know, adult coloring was a big deal. Okay. Several years ago. Right. Speaker 1: Especially during the pandemic. Mm-hmm. Speaker 2: . Yes. And it's or puzzling. Right. Putting puzzles together, it's because two things. Number one, it's, it's kind of like, uh, what's that called? Parallel play. Mm-hmm. . Right? So, so you're both doing something, you're both feeling in control of the situation, and yet you're not necessarily having to engage, which sometimes disengaging is good, right? Speaker 1: Yeah, sure. Speaker 2: So, so any of those things is, is yes, certainly to, helpful to you as the caregiver, but it's probably also helpful to the person you're caring for as well. Mm-hmm. . And they have much less control over the situation than you do, let's be honest. Speaker 1: And, and them accepting that I, I recently had a, um, a benign tumor removed and my son, who's 28, came and stayed for three weeks to help take care of me cuz it was a more serious surgery and that kind of thing. And we sat down and had a talk about, okay, let's, let's talk about what's in our future and you know, you are our only child and you know, what, what comes to you now? And he looked at us and said, well, I think I'm probably gonna have to move to Fable, Arkansas, or y'all going to move where I am. One of the two eventually. And, and we talked about timing and, and I decided after reading your book that the next time he comes, I'm gonna ask him to stay another day and go over, go to our lawyers with us and talk about these documents that we've signed that he's named in. But he was, what he was 16 or 17 when we did them. Right. Speaker 2: So Speaker 1: He needs to hear about it and know what's going on. And, and I, I loved that taking, that was my own personal takeaway from your book. Excellent. And I, I think that that is so important for people. And, and again, doing it when you're 40, I mean, uh, waiting, you know, oh, I'll do that when I'm 85. Well, you don't know what you're gonna be like at 85 Speaker 2: And what you do at 40 is not what you're gonna need to do at 60. Right. It's very different. So if you did it at 40, you and you're 60, you need to take a second look. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: You need to really, what Speaker 1: Do you think, what do you think is the, is the most common either error in thinking or behavior or both that people, Speaker 2: Well, the, the most common is not doing anything. Right. That's the most common. So, so if anybody who's listening to this now says, okay, I didn't do anything. I'm, I need to go do something, then yes, please go do that. Get your powers of attorney, get your wills, get your advanced directives. Just get them, get them. Mm-hmm. , um, and talk to an attorney about what you need and what your desires are. Specifically, I'd say the second most, um, common error is people who have done them, did them 10, 20, 15, 30 years ago. Especially people who have little children, they panic. I want someone to take care of my kids. If anything happens to me, I wanna make sure they have money if anything happens to me. And that's wonderful. And then they, you know, I always say they take that and they shove it into their underwear drawer and then you never see it again. . And you need to take it out of the underwear drawer, like Speaker 1: That old pair of underwear you used to be able to get into. But Speaker 2: Exactly. This is where I held up the granny panties and say, you need the granny panties of the wills. It's fresh, it's clean and it covers everything. . That's what you need to do. So that's the second biggest problem is people don't update their documents and boy have things changed. There's a thing now, um, it's called rufi. I wish I could remember what it stands for without looking it up. But what it's about is giving someone access to your digital information if you are sick and incapacitated, which is really important. Or quite frankly, if you're dead. Right. Yeah. And that information, that acknowledgement that yes, I'm giving this person access, has to be in those documents. Not the password so much, but yes, this person has the authority to get into my digital assets. And then when your son comes Margaret, show him where you keep your passwords, which, you know, online Speaker 1: Is, I don't see him anywhere. I keep online my Speaker 2: Head . Right. Online isn't great and in your head is even worse. . Speaker 1: Well, so what I did, I I sort of, the night before the surgery I went, what, wait a minute, what if something happens? And so I gave him the major passwords I could think about and we both kind of cried. And, and then I said, you know, but I, I should have all those written down somewhere or can Speaker 2: Somewhere. I mean, everyone says don't write them down, but truthfully, if you can't get into your computer where your passwords are, not having them written down doesn't help you. Right. Right. So you at least have to have your basic passwords somewhere where your loved one can have access to it, but legally also give them access to it. I see. In your documents. And that's new. That's not even in, I don't, pretty sure that's not in my first book. It's probably in my sec, my second or third book. Um, but things keep changing and that's why you need to keep looking at these documents, say every five years or so. Cause life changes. Speaker 1: You know, I also, um, my dad was always really sad because after his dad died and his dad died when he was 15, there was such family uproar about the will mm-hmm. Right. But it ripped the family apart. And I think a lot of the suggestions that you make are trying to say, you know, you could be that family where siblings don't talk to each other anymore after someone is either you're, you're having to decide about caregiving or, or you're having to decide about, you know, death issues or what's gonna happen after death. It, it can rip families apart like nothing I've ever seen really before. Speaker 2: Um, and so you, your work in my work are the same in that regard because in the sense that communication mm-hmm. is always going to be the key. Right. Right. You have to, you have to tell your children and your, it's so funny that you're saying this cuz I just, my mother's 90 fours down the street from me, and she's a pip and a half, and your listeners can go see us on TikTok if you want. I do fun little videos with my mom all the time. on TikTok. Um, and they're just, that's all I do is videos with my mom, who's 94. And she's so hilarious. Um, but I just said to myself self, I said, we need, although her will is very recent, I would say five years old, I wanna look at it again because I'm not sure it does what she wants it to do based on conversations that we've been having. So let's look at it. Right. Let's talk to my siblings and, you know, let's see what it, you gotta have, you have to, at least this is the other thing that you asked me that I sort of didn't mention is people just like you said, don't wanna talk about this. Yeah. It's scary, it's uncomfortable, but, you know, that's why we Speaker 1: Have, and also, uh, it, I mean, my brother died three year, three and a half years ago. It also, you, you can't talk about it without your own feelings about mortality or getting ill or losing control or, you know, these things that we fear that we just distract ourselves from and, you know, either have another beer or watch another baseball game mm-hmm. or go out and, you know, hunt something or fish something. Mm-hmm. So that we're in control or, or vape or whatever we do, um, to, to distract ourselves from the reality. Speaker 1: Right. You don't, you don't get outta dying. Right. So, um, it's, I I just think that these conversations are, they really can be trust builders. They can be things that, that offer clarity, that offer trust, that offer a sense. And as you point out a sense of control to the person who is older and realizes that they have a disease that is going to weaken them or, or cause their life to be something that frankly, you know, they wish did, hadn't happened to them, uh, like Bruce Willis. But at the same time it can, and we don't get to pick. So it, it's not like going to a, a restaurant and saying, oh, I'll have that. You know, it's just not like that. And, Speaker 2: But it's in the same vein, it's much harder to have a disease than it is to have a conversation about what happens if I have a disease. Speaker 1: Right. Speaker 2: It's not that hard. My friends, which is why I wrote the 12 conversations book. Yeah. It's really not that hard. It's five or six simple questions you need to ask yourself about what you want, what you think you wanna do, um, and then get a lawyer to write it up for you. It don't make it harder than it needs to be. Speaker 1: Speaker 1: Number one, there is nothing that is more mentally health challenging than being a caregiver. Mm-hmm. . It is, it is so hard. And I I I encourage you desperately to, if you have, especially if you have mental health benefits at your work or you know, in your insurance or whatever to use them because caregiving is a mental health stress. Do not think that it's not because it is. That's Speaker 1: As many people found out during the pandemic when it was all of a sudden 24 7 kind of Speaker 2: In your face. Yes, exactly. And if you are not yet a caregiver, but you see it coming down the road and you just happen to be going to a therapist, talk to them about that mm-hmm. , talk to them about this piece of your life that you see coming for you. And maybe if you're having challenges having that conversation with that person, or you yourself don't wanna do it, but you know, it has to be done, maybe you can get some tactics, some tools, because this is also about Sure the legal tools are important. That's what I'm here to tell you about. Get those legal tools. But it's also the communication tools, you know, the stress tools. There's so many tools that you need as a caregiver, and there's lots of people out there who can help you with that. Speaker 1: I, I, I also, before we, before we stop, I wanna make the point, I I, you're right. Caregiving you, you think, oh, I'm just taking mom to get her hair done, or Oh, I'm just taking dad to the post office, or I'm just doing this, or I'm just doing that. But those things add up mm-hmm. , and you've got children of your own, or you've got a job of your own or you've got a home of your own or you, you live two hours away or whatever it happens to be. You're right. It's, we can minimize, oh, this is, this shouldn't be, uh, you know, I'm just doing that. But they're, when you're just doing four or five or 10 or 12 or 15 or 20 of those things a month, then that's a lot. And it changes your life. And it can definitely impact the relationship you're in with a spouse or a partner. Um, and actually they may be going through something similar with their parents. Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. , Speaker 1: So, or aunts or uncles or whomever, grandparents. So it's just a conversation about it and, and to say, gosh, this is, you know, maybe people say, oh, I'm, I'm, I'm loyal, this is what I'm supposed to do. But that doesn't mean you have to, you know, you can't grieve it or feel different feelings about it other than, you know, I, I, I just, I just have to do this. It's, it's like, it's more complex than that. Speaker 2: Agreed. It is more complex than that. And you need to grant yourself the grace to understand that. Speaker 1: Yeah. Wow. What, how have you changed in, in, in taking care of these folks that you've loved or you've cared for being an elder law, um, specialist Now? What, what, I mean, how have you changed Kathy? Speaker 2: Um, I, Speaker 1: Being an author, a speaker. Speaker 2: . Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, I've changed my career. That's for one. Um, honestly, this is, I don't know if this is terrible or not. Some part of me, it, my, my psychological part of me says it probably is, but I, I've actually become kind of a tough love caregiver in a lot of ways. Mm. Speaker 1: You mentioned that Speaker 2: The, the empathy is great, but the practicality is hard. And it's okay for you to recognize that and, and to have expectations of others. Not the person that you're caring for, the person who should be helping you, the person, you know, even your partner. Um, it's okay to have expectations of others. And I think I often when I'm teaching that, that often becomes a question. Um, you know, but my mom won't talk about this or I can't, she won't go to the doctor or whatever. And I'm like, you, you have two choices. You can take the tough love perspective that this is what we're going to do if I'm gonna be your helper, or you can tell them that they will have to suffer the consequences of that action. And you have to be okay with that. Yeah. So, wow, tough love caregiving is hard. Mm-hmm. . But it might be harder to be super empathetic and not allow yourself to realize that sometimes the person you're caring for also has to take the consequences of their Speaker 1: Actions. And it's really, I what comes to mind is sort of the age old. You, you have to parent your parents kind of thing. Mm-hmm. that one of the points, for example you made in the book was if there's a paid caregiver and your parent is being demeaning to them or saying things that aren't appropriate, that you have to say, you know, it's better to say, mom, you can't talk to Jane like that. Right. Or you, you need to apologize for what you just said, or Yes, that's not appropriate. Jane will leave and we really like Jane, and Jane does a good idea. Yes. Jane does a good, uh, job with you and for you and, and we can talk out what you don't like about Jane, but you know, talk about it with me. And then maybe if we need to make another agreement with Jane, that's one thing, but don't play out your, whatever is going on with you and, and say things to Jane that, that aren't helpful. Speaker 2: The other thing, and that's so important. Yes. The, the other thing that I'd like to bring up that I have changed, not changed my viewpoint amount, but have, have really put into practice and want more women, especially to do this, is get paid for your caregiving. Yes. If your parents would pay Jane, they should pay you. Right. Especially if you don't have Jane coming, if you are doing all of it. And if you are taking a f, especially if you're taking a financial hit, if you have, you know, gone from full-time to part-time work, if you have quit your job to take care of them, if you moved into their house and got rid of your apartment or you're paying rent over there, but living with them, if you are taking a financial hit and they have assets, they should pay you. And you get a signed paid caregiver agreement to protect all the parties. Speaker 2: But that's really important. There are far too many unpaid family caregivers who can and should be paid. And we are recycling this, this, uh, women get to the point then in their lives where they have no retirement, they have no right savings. They have no, because they stepped out of the workforce to be a caregiver 1, 2, 3, 7, 9 times, right? Mm-hmm. mm-hmm. . And there are even me ways to pay someone if your parents have no assets and Medicaid will pay, they will pay family caregivers. There are lots of organizations that have cropped up. Again, I said, do things change in the last two to five years that are now making sure you can get paid as a family caregiver. So, so that's the other thing that I, I have learned and I have changed my mind about that. Yes, this is great to be about love, but there's nothing wrong with getting paid. Speaker 1: Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm wonderful point and very important point. So, well, after six years, I'm really glad we finally had this conversation. It feels Speaker 2: Two more great. Speaker 1: Like it's a little bit different a conversation than we would've had six years ago. So Speaker 2: Very much yes. Speaker 1: That's, um, that's to everyone's benefit I think. So I thank you so much. How can people get in touch with you to speak or to teach or, um, just Speaker 2: To, so yeah, so if you're in a workplace, in a corporate workplace, that would be awesome to have me come in and help teach your, your team about not only caregiving, but what benefits you may have at work that you're not using to help caregivers. And that what you could bring into work. Uh, if you want to just, you know, look at my books Kathy Sikorski and see my name on the screen there. Just type that in. I come up for the first three pages on Google, but I'm on Amazon, so all my books are available on Amazon. And my website, which is being recreated as we speak, um, is kathy sikorsky.com. Um, and that's c a t h y s i k o r s k i kathy sikorsky.com. Um, and anytime you have a question, Kathy sikorski kathy dot sikorski gmail.com, you are free to email me. I love to interact with people who have questions and I will answer them as best I can and guide you to the resources that can really help you. Speaker 1: Kathy, I admire you so much. Thank you very, very much. And you are really funny. So, and Speaker 2: You told me about Speaker 1: That, that it's so important to keep your sense of humor. Speaker 2: Please. You guys, you gotta laugh about this cause it's, it's, first of all, it's a laugh worthy and second of all, if you're not laughing, you're doing something else. You don't wanna do Speaker 1: . You know, my dad used to say, uh, cuz he just infirmity after infirmity after disease after problem. He looked at me one time when he was about 81 or two and he said, you know, Margaret, God's not supposed to give you more than you can bear, but I gotta talk to God because he's way overestimating my abilities. . Speaker 2: Yes. I'm on your dad's side. Yeah. Speaker 1: If Speaker 2: He, if he ever figured out how to do that conversation, you should put that out there, Speaker 1: . Well, I'm not sure he did, but , thank you so, so Speaker 2: Very much. So great to spend time with you. I really loved it. Speaker 1: Yeah, me too. Bye. Bye.  

Middle age.  What comes to mind?  Next question:  When you think of a woman who's aged somewhere between her early 40s and mid 60s, who do you picture?  And if you're not one of then, when you're thinking about women in this age range, how do they show up in your daily life?  Do they show up?  And, what race is the woman you pictured?   Depending on your answers, and your own stage of life, you'll process the conversation with our next guest in different ways; something personal to you, or something that you might need to open your eyes to, especially if you're in any sort of people-facing business.  No matter what, it's a conversation that we should all be having more frequently.  For us, our big takeaway was that there is more than just the maiden-mother-sage concept to the trajectory of womanhood: there is also the queen phase.  That's midlife.  And that's what Valerie Albarda talks with us about, to make sure midlife women are not made to feel invisible - with the extra layer of what it's like to be a midlife woman of color. Have questions, comments, or concerns? Email us at hello@dearwhitewomen.com What to listen for: The definition of midlife What is the invisibility trifecta, and why is it important for society to be aware of it? What are the things we can all do to open our eyes to the value that midlife women - in particular midlife women of color - can bring to the table?   About Valerie: In 2015, Valerie Albarda decided to take off her blinders and go through life with her midlife eyes wide open by embracing this dynamic and opportunistic time in her life. That same year, she created the website, Midlife-A-Go-Go, to help women navigate this pivotal time in their lives and to understand that they can enjoy the midlife and skip the crisis. In 2018, she added “Midlife-A-Go-Go the podcast!” to her roster. Her podcast meets women where they live – in the second spring of life – and has candid conversations on the ups, the downs and the “everything in between” of midlife. Valerie is a recent TEDx speaker with her Talk, “The Invisibility Trifecta: Coming Out of the Shadows.” In her Talk, she focuses on one of society's forgotten demographic: midlife women of color. She takes the idea of the ‘invisible woman syndrome' one step further and sets out to disrupt the mindset that midlife women of color are disposable. Valerie is a writer, author, podcaster, and speaker. Her writings have appeared across the web, including on HuffPost, Find UR Cool, Kindra and Midlife Boulevard.   Buy our book, Dear White Women: Let's Get (Un)comfortable Talking About Racism, and leave us a review on Amazon! Like what you hear?  Don't miss another episode and subscribe! Catch up on more commentary between episodes by following us on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter – and even more opinions and resources if you join our email list.

When you find yourself single in your 50’s you may begin to question whether love is still possible for you. Dating seems like a hassle and you might honestly believe that there are no good men left.     In today's episode, I talk to Treva Brandon Scharf dating coach and creator of The Late Blooming Bride (a fantastic and very real blog btw) about her experience of finding love in midlife and becoming a first-time bride at 51. Treva shares how to build dating resilience, overcome limiting beliefs, and eliminate the obstacles to finding love. We talk about the biggest things working against us as midlife women and shares her dating secrets and mistakes with us.   This is a great listen if you have ever found yourself wondering if there are any good men left out there. Treva shares all the secrets to finding your one.   Learn more about Treva Treva Brandon Scharf is an International Coaching Federation certified life coach, fitness professional, writer, and first-time bride at 51. Treva started as a copywriter at BBDO New York, where she created campaigns for Pepsi, Pizza Hut, and Visa, Gillette, among others. Her writing repertoire includes screenwriting, TV programming, web content, and blogging. As a lifelong athlete, Treva turned her passion into a profession, first as a fitness coach, then as a life coach. She gets clients fit from the inside out by first building resilience, confidence, and self-worth. As a post-50 influencer, Treva writes about surviving singledom and finding love later in life at her blog, “The Late Blooming Bride” - trevabrandonscharf.com/blog. She’s also a dating advice contributor to Huffington Post, Hollywood Progressive, Relationship Development & Transformation, Thrive Global, Midlife Boulevard, Medium, BetterAfter50, Medium, Bustle, Romper, and the Intelligencer. Treva co-hosts the podcast “Done Being Single” - donebeingsingle.com - with her husband Robby Scharf, a musician, production executive, and fellow late bloomer. Together, they deliver dating intervention and relationship advice to thousands of listeners all over the world. Website: trevabrandonscharf.com Facebook: facebook.com/treva.brandonscharf Instagram: @trevabme Twitter: twitter.com/trevabme LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/trevabrandonscharf

Dr. Margaret Rutherford A clinical psychologist, who has practiced for over twenty years in Fayetteville, Arkansas. Since 2012, her writing has been found on her own website, as she writes about mental health, with a special focus on Perfectly Hidden Depression, midlife and relationship issues. She's the current mental health columnist for Midlife Boulevard, writes an advice column on Vibrant Nation, is a weekly columnist for The Good Men Project, and hosts a regular FB Live video session on depression for The Mighty. Her work and expertise can also be found on The Huffington Post, Sixty and Me, Better After 50, Reader's Digest, Prevention, Psychology Today, and The Cheat Sheet. Dr. Margaret recently has launched a new podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford, where you can listen to her direct and down-to-earth advice. Dr. Margaret Connect with Dr. Margaret on LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/in/drmargaretrutherford/detail/contact-info/) drmargaretrutherford.com (https://drmargaretrutherford.com/) The SelfWork Podcast (https://drmargaretrutherford.com/selfwork/) ABOUT THE HOST My name is Sam Harris. I am a British entrepreneur, investor and explorer. From hitchhiking across Kazakstan to programming AI doctors I am always pushing myself in the spirit of curiosity and Growth. My background is in Biology and Psychology with a passion for improving the world and human behaviour. I have built and sold companies from an early age and love coming up with unique ways to make life more enjoyable and meaningful. Sam: Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/samjamsnaps/) Quora (https://www.quora.com/profile/Sam-Harris-58) Twitter (https://twitter.com/samharristweets) LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/in/sharris48/) Sam's blog - SamWebsterHarris.com (https://samwebsterharris.com/) Support the Show - Patreon (https://www.patreon.com/growthmindset) Top Tips Be kind to people Kindness leads to many good things like better relationships, improved self-esteem, compassion, happiness, future success, and good mental and physical health. It brings people together and don’t we all want that for our children, our families, our community, and the world? Try to be kind to others to try and make a difference in the world, and also practice to try and make a difference in your own life as well. Face your fear of failing The fear of failing can be immobilizing – it can cause us to do nothing, and therefore resist moving forward. But when we allow fear to stop our forward progress in life, we're likely to miss some great opportunities along the way. what makes us fearless is not the fact that we do not experience fear, but that we are confident that we can deal with the consequences of our actions. Instead of talking yourself out of the fear by hoping that nothing negative would happen, focus on building confidence to deal with the consequences. Books Try a free Audible trial of any book here (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Free-Trial-Digital-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?tag=samharris48%E2%80%9321) Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism That Masks Your Depression (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Perfectly-Hidden-Depression-Break-Perfectionism/dp/B087N4GGH7/ref=sr_1_1?crid=14WCW66NTXIGK&dchild=1&keywords=perfectly+hidden+depression&qid=1598980833&s=audible&sprefix=perfectly+hidd%2Caudible%2C335&sr=1-1) If you're ready to stop hiding and start healing, this groundbreaking book will guide you - every imperfect step of the way Syncify An app that lets you be social at a distance. Listen to your favourite podcasts and books together with friends and groups. Chat about the audio experiences as you share and learn from other users' perspectives. Commit to taking actions by sharing your ideas. To learn more, visit (www.syncifyapp.com) Subscribe! If you enjoyed the podcast please subscribe and rate it. And of course, share with your friends! Special Guest: Margaret Rutherford.

Episode 116  Respect Yourself and Skip the Crisis with Valerie Albarda Today, you are hearing from the beautiful Valerie Albarda, Valerie is the founder of Midlife A -Go-Go and YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS EPISODE!! Valerie shares her journey through perimenopause, how she has learned to listen to her body, and respect herself, facing her fears to challenge herself, getting back into the workforce at fifty-five, and taking the crisis out of aging. Topics discussed:  Putting age into perspective  Debunking the myths of midlife  Facing her fears and trying out to be a TedX speaker Bad things happen at any stage of life - it’s not a crisis!  Exploring the myth of the midlife crisis  PVC’s in perimenopause Not getting answers from your doctor when it comes to menopause  Doing your own research to help you through perimenopause Listening to your body in menopause and beyond Having respect for yourself  Showing up in life as your real self and not a facade  Committing to you and following through  Deciding what to commit to  Pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone to grow Power walking, strength training, and building muscle mass Going back into the workforce at fifty-five Valerie's bio:  In 2015, Valerie Albarda decided to take off the blinders and go through life with her midlife eyes wide open by embracing this dynamic and opportunistic time in her life. That same year, she started Midlife-A-Go-Go to help women navigate this pivotal time in their lives and to understand that they can enjoy the midlife and skip the crisis. In 2018, she added “Midlife-A-Go-Go the podcast!” to her roster. Her podcast meets women where they live – in the second spring of life – and has candid conversations on the ups, the downs, and the “everything in between” of midlife. In addition to being the force behind Midlife-A-Go-Go, Valerie is a writer, author, and speaker. Her writings have appeared across the web, including on HuffPost, Find UR Cool, Kindra, and Midlife Boulevard.   Find Valerie here:  Website Instagram  Facebook    To find Lori: Join Lori's email community.  Schedule a free consultation to learn about private coaching with Lori.       

Valerie Albarda is a writer, author and creator of the website Midlife-A-Go-Go and she hosts "Midlife-A-Go-Go the podcast!" Valerie has also worked as a Women's Empowerment & Transformation Coach, and still feels the pull to empower midlife women to help them transition through life’s ‘second spring’ with confidence. Valerie educates herself on menopause and wants to educate other women who may feel confused and unsure about this time in life. Her motto is: “Enjoy the midlife . . . skip the crisis." Valerie's writings have appeared across the web, including on the Huffington Post, SheSpark, Pepper & Wits and Midlife Boulevard, and she has been a contributing author in two anthologies. Visit Valerie's website here: https://www.midlifeagogo.com/ Valerie has also provided the following resources that she uses when she researches: - The North American Menopause Society (www.menopause.org) - MenopauseNow (https://www.menopausenow.com/symptoms) - Dr. Christiane Northrup (https://www.drnorthrup.com/) “Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom”; “The Wisdom of Menopause” - National Institute of Health's National Library of Medicine - area called PubMed Central (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/) - Verywell Health https://www.verywellhealth.com/about-us (they partner with the Cleveland Clinic) - National Institute of Health - National Institute on Aging: https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/what-menopause

Treva Brandon Scharf is a Los Angeles based writer, dating coach, fitness professional, radio host, and first-time bride at 50. With over 35 years in the fitness industry, and many more in the dating world, Treva knows first-hand how to achieve peak performance in both life and love. Treva writes about surviving singledom and finding love later in life at her blog, “The Late Blooming Bride”. She’s also a contributor at Huffington Post, Hollywood Progressive, Midlife Boulevard, Curves Connect, and BetterAfter50. Treva currently hosts the internet radio dating show “Done Being Single,” with her husband Robby, on the VoiceAmerica Radio Network. When she’s not imparting dating wisdom or tough love, Treva volunteers as a Special Olympics coach, and a Fulfillment Fund mentor. Guiding Principle, Quote, or Mantra Surrender. When You Tripped Up Treva described her entire single life as a bunch of trip-ups and falls. Everything was trial and error. She’d meet a guy, date the guy, and break up with the guy. The worst trip up was with someone she met in her early 40’s. She was hell bent on making it work. The stakes were high and there was a lot riding on it, and her fertility window was closing. But, this happened to be the worst guy possible to try and make things work with. Listen to the podcast to hear the rest of the story. Your thoughts around men in their 50’s and why they haven’t been married until now? When she first started to know her husband, she would always be asking questions about this topic. Things like - Why haven’t you been married before? Why are you single? There has to be something wrong with you? … In her husband’s case, he simply didn’t meet the right one. On the other side of things, she would be asked the same kind of stuff. People always assume something is wrong with the person if they haven’t been married. That’s just simply not the case. What is the Best Partnership Advice You Have Ever Received? Treva didn’t have any great advice. She felt she had poor role models. The Payoff of Partnership Treva is very independent and has always been used to doing things for herself. She was even a single child who never had the older sister or brother pave the way for her. What’s so great about partnership to Treva is having someone take care of her. She’s never had that in her life. Her husband is this great person who’s there for her and supports her. Best Partnership Resource The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom - Don Miguel Ruiz Interview Links - Her Website The Late Blooming Bride Done Being Single Twitter ">Instagram Facebook

Treva Brandon Scharf is a writer, dating coach, and fitness professional. With over 35 years in the fitness industry, and 50 years in the singles world, Treva helps people achieve peak performance in both life and love.  As a first-time bride at 50, Treva writes about finding love later in life at her blog, The Late Blooming Bride www.thelatebloomingbride.com. She’s also a dating advice contributor at Huffington Post, Hollywood Progressive, Midlife Boulevard, Curves Connect, and BetterAfter50.  She currently hosts the internet radio show, DONE BEING SINGLE on VoiceAmerica Network, with her husband, Robby Scharf.

Todays Guest is Vikki Claflin.Vikki is an international best-selling author, humor blogger, and inspirational public speaker. She lives in Hood River, OR, where she writes the award-winning humor blog Laugh Lines: Humorous Thoughts and Advice on How to Live Young When You're...well...Not, doling out irreverent advice on marriage, with humorous how-to lists galore, and shares her most embarrassing midlife moments.  Vikki has been featured on the Michael J. Fox Foundation website, Erma Bombeck's Writer's Workshop, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Midlife Boulevard, Better After 50, and Funny Times Magazine. She also received a BlogHer14 "Voices of the Year" Humor award.  Vikki's first book, Shake, Rattle & Roll With It: Living & Laughing with Parkinson's chronicles her hilarious, and sometimes poignant journey, about living with Parkinson's disease. Her newly released book, Who Left the Cork Out of My Lunch? Middle Age, Modern Marriage & Other Complications helps women master midlife with a little common sense and a booty-load of laughter. Both are available now on amazon.com. You can find more of Vikki’s writing at http://laugh-lines.net  CALL IN # 646-929-2870

This Week’s Guest: Anne Parris Anne Parris, Managing Partner at Midlife Boulevard, joined me to chat on my podcast, This is Affiliate Marketing with Shawn Collins. Episode 78 I wanted to learn more about the real Anne, so I asked her a variety of questions I figured she had not been asked in previous interviews. We discussed... The Disaster Artist and The Room Her ratings on Facebook Taking introvert breaks at conferences Shot at Life Craft beer The National Society of Newspaper Columnists Links from this episode Midlife Boulevard Not a Supermom Shot at Life Anne on Twitter Anne on Facebook Anne on LinkedIn Anne on Instagram Thank you for listening Please leave a comment or feel free to contact me. And if you enjoyed this episode of This is Affiliate Marketing with Shawn Collins, please share it.

I recently received a request from one of our Ignite Intimacy listeners to have a conversation focused on ageism and dating. This woman is in her mid-60’s and has been experiencing some dating challenges based on her age.   In response I reached out to former guest, Walker Thornton, who is an expert, advocate and author focused on women’s sexuality. I knew she’d have some juicy tips and insights for us!   Join Walker and I as we dive into the topic of ageism, online dating, sex and communication. Walker shares some key tips for how to stay safe when engaging with online dating and how to explore and engage with potential partners that align with your desires and values.    About Walker:   Walker Thornton is a sex educator, speaker, and sexual health writer. Her mission is to help women embrace their sexuality in a way that feels comfortable at each stage of life. Her writing has appeared on the American Sexual Health Association website, Huffington Post, Better After 50, Senior Planet, and other sites. She is the Sexual Health Columnist for Midlife Boulevard and writes about midlife sexuality at Kinkly.com. Walker currently serves on the Sexuality and Aging Consortium of Widener University’s Leadership Committee. She has presented at the Sexuality and Aging Symposium, CatalystCon, and in other venues across the country.   Connect with Walker:   Connect with Walker: Website  Facebook  Instagram    Resources:   SeniorPlanet.org

Vikki Claflin is an international best-selling author, humor blogger, and inspirational public speaker. She lives in Hood River, OR, where she writes the award-winning humor blog Laugh Lines: Humorous Thoughts and Advice on How to Live Young When You’re…well…Not, where she doles out irreverent advice on marriage, offers humorous how-to lists galore, and shares her most embarrassing midlife moments. Vikki is the author of four humor books. Her most recent is titled “I Think My Guardian Angel Drinks,” where she explores the hilarious side of aging in a society that worships youth. She also speaks to groups & organizations around the U.S. about the funny side of living with Parkinson’s Disease. Vikki has been featured on the Michael J. Fox Foundation website, Erma Bombeck’s Writer’s Workshop, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Midlife Boulevard, Better After 50, and Funny Times Magazine. She received a BlogHer14 “Voices of the Year” Humor award, and has been a featured guest on over 40 radio programs throughout the US and Canada. What you’ll learn about in this episode: Vikki’s book: “Shake, Rattle & Roll With It: Living and Laughing with Parkinson’s” Her personal battle and family history with Parkinson’s Why she tried (and succeeded) to find humor in the disease and how that turned into the book The impact the book has had on readers (including Mitch’s wife) and the stories she’s heard from those readers about how their lives have been profoundly changed for the better because of it Vikki’s “pole dancing” story that is by the far the most popular story from the book Learning to let go and laugh at yourself as a person with Parkinson’s What is actually known about the causes of Parkinson’s Why the lessons in Vikki’s book are applicable for so many problems — not just Parkinson’s Working around Parkinson’s and learning to live with joy in your life Why being diagnosed with Parkinson’s doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t do what you love Why you’ll never run out of material you when you learn to laugh at yourself Resources: REInvestorSummit.com/Claflin REInvestorSummit.com/live REInvestorSummit.com/noteservicing REInvestorSummit.com/aof REInvestorSummit.com/100

Todays Guest is Vikki Claflin.Vikki is an international best-selling author, humor blogger, and inspirational public speaker. She lives in Hood River, OR, where she writes the award-winning humor blog Laugh Lines: Humorous Thoughts and Advice on How to Live Young When You're...well...Not, doling out irreverent advice on marriage, with humorous how-to lists galore, and shares her most embarrassing midlife moments.  Vikki has been featured on the Michael J. Fox Foundation website, Erma Bombeck's Writer's Workshop, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Midlife Boulevard, Better After 50, and Funny Times Magazine. She also received a BlogHer14 "Voices of the Year" Humor award.  Vikki's first book, Shake, Rattle & Roll With It: Living & Laughing with Parkinson's chronicles her hilarious, and sometimes poignant journey, about living with Parkinson's disease. Her newly released book, Who Left the Cork Out of My Lunch? Middle Age, Modern Marriage & Other Complications helps women master midlife with a little common sense and a booty-load of laughter. Both are available now on amazon.com. You can find more of Vikki’s writing at http://laugh-lines.net  CALL IN # 646-929-2870

Dr. Margaret Rutherford is a clinical psychologist, who has practiced for over twenty years in Fayetteville, Arkansas. Since 2012, her work has been found on her own website (http://drmargaretrutherford.com) , where her eBook, “Seven Commandments of Good Therapy” is available for free download. She’s the current mental health columnist for Midlife Boulevard, writes an advice column on Vibrant Nation, and hosts a regular FB Live video session on depression for The Mighty. Her expertise can also be found on The Huffington Post, Reader’s Digest, Prevention, Psychology Today, and The Gottman Blog. Dr. Margaret has recently launched a podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford, where you can listen to her direct and down-to-earth advice.

Happiness is what everyone wants. Have you found your happiness? Maura Sweeney is with us today to talk about that in today's podcast episode. You can listen to the show at: http://rockyourretirement.libsyn.com/one-word-happiness-episode-33 Maura is called the “Happiness Ambassador”. How did she become the happiness ambassador?  Maura Sweeney was called “water works” by her grandmother because she was always crying.  She made a decision when she was young to become a happier person, and she did!  She watched older people and found out that those who were following their own minds were happy, and those who were following what someone else wanted them to do weren’t. Maura Sweeney is a Happiness Expert and Next Generation Thought Leader: She is an:  Author | Podcaster | International Speaker | Huffington Post Contributor | Media Guest with the focus on Influence, Leadership, Emotional Intelligence and Personal and Career Branding. Featured in over 100 media outlets including Tampa Bay Times, Match.com, Midlife Boulevard, BBC Radio and overseas TV news. We had a great conversation about how to become happy.  If you need a little extra happiness in your life, head over to the podcast and take a listen. Maura helps people find their own happiness through her blogs, videos, books, media interviews, e-courses and lectures, and she helps them connect with their inner selves.  She calls it the GPS of happiness. She has a podcast where she asks a question each week and talks about it for about 10 minutes.  Short and sweet and makes you think.  It’s called “Living Happy from the Inside Out”. Also, you can buy Maura Sweeney’s Books HERE. What do you think people should know BEFORE they retire?  Instead of complicating things, ask what you most value.  Simplify your life and move on to what’s next. If you are stuck: Most of all, don’t get down on yourself.  Listen to the podcast to hear the instructions, but you can also think about your childhood and find out what you used to play with, create, or think about. Maura’s Freebie: Maura is giving away a free e-book to our listeners.  You can email her at Maura@Maura4u.com and put “Rock Your Retirement” in the subject line, and just ask for the book, “Exiting the Comfort Zone – Dance or Die” Contact information: Maura@Maura4u.com www.Maura4u.com Bonus Freebie: Get today’s Rock Your Retirement Freebie, “The ten episodes to increase your happiness”, by going to http://RockYourRetirement.com/happiness.

We all heard that Laughing is the best medicine. Vikki is with us today to teach us how we can laugh away our problems. You can listen to the show at http://rockyourretirement.libsyn.com/laughing-with-parkinsons-episode-26 Vikki is an international best-selling author, humor blogger, and inspirational public speaker. She wrote the book, “Shake, Rattle, and Roll with It – Living and Laughing with Parkinson's“.  Since my father has Parkinson's Disease, I had to get her on the show!  She did not disappoint!  We talked about her book, her life, and our ailments, including my dystonia. Shake, Rattle, and Roll with It- Living and Laughing with Parkinson's: A few weeks after her first book, “Shake, Rattle, & Roll With It, Living & Laughing with Parkinson’s”’ came out, she received an email from a woman who said, “My mother was diagnosed with Parkinson’s ten years ago. Since then, no one in the house has ever been allowed to talk about it, or even mention the word ‘Parkinson’s.” This created a lot of stress for the family as we all tried to pretend she wasn’t shaking or stumbling. Any reference to her condition was immediately shut down. I bought her your book and set it on her nightstand. She read the whole thing in one sitting that night. The next morning, she came down for breakfast and began talking about her Parkinson’s like it was the weather. She now talks about it and even laughs about it easily. The elephant in the room is gone. Thank you, thank you. Thank you.” We wanted to bring Vikki's award-winning humor to our audience, considering that many of us have parents and loved once with Parkinson's Disease (including myself).  I wanted to find out how she is laughing with Parkinson's, and she sure let us know! After all, her name has “laugh” in it! Vikki gives us a glimpse into what it's like to have the disease, and how anyone can kick their troubles in the butt by continuing to laugh, regardless of your circumstances. Vikki lives in Hood River, OR, where she writes the award-winning humor blog Laugh Lines: Humorous thoughts and advice on how to live young when you're… well… not, where she doles out irreverent advice on marriage, offers humorous how-to lists galore, and shares her most embarrassing midlife moments. She talks about mastering midlife with a little common sense and a lot of laughter. She has been featured on the Michael J. Fox Foundation website, Erma Bombeck's Writer's Workshop, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Generation Fabulous, Midlife Boulevard, Better After 50, and Funny Times Magazine. She also received a BlogHer14 “Voices of the Year” Humor award. Vikki's first book, Shake, Rattle & Roll With It: Living & Laughing with Parkinson's chronicles her hilarious, and sometimes poignant journey, about living with Parkinson's disease. Her newly released book, Who Left the Cork Out of My Lunch? Middle Age, Modern Marriage & Other Complications is available now on Amazon.com. You can find more of Vikki’s writing at http://laugh-lines.net Vikki’s Books: Shake, Rattle & Roll With It: Living & Laughing with Parkinson's Chronicles Who Left the Cork Out of My Lunch?: Middle Age Modern Marriage & Other Complications Something people should know before they retire:  Kathy Kinney, who played Mimi in The Drew Carey Show, says in her new book,

Todays Guest is Vikki Claflin.Vikki is an international best-selling author, humor blogger, and inspirational public speaker. She lives in Hood River, OR, where she writes the award-winning humor blog Laugh Lines: Humorous Thoughts and Advice on How to Live Young When You're...well...Not, doling out irreverent advice on marriage, with humorous how-to lists galore, and shares her most embarrassing midlife moments.  Vikki has been featured on the Michael J. Fox Foundation website, Erma Bombeck's Writer's Workshop, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Midlife Boulevard, Better After 50, and Funny Times Magazine. She also received a BlogHer14 "Voices of the Year" Humor award.  Vikki's first book, Shake, Rattle & Roll With It: Living & Laughing with Parkinson's chronicles her hilarious, and sometimes poignant journey, about living with Parkinson's disease. Her newly released book, Who Left the Cork Out of My Lunch? Middle Age, Modern Marriage & Other Complications helps women master midlife with a little common sense and a booty-load of laughter. Both are available now on amazon.com. You can find more of Vikki’s writing at http://laugh-lines.net  CALL IN # 646-929-2870

Vikki Claflin is a humor writer, author, public speaker, and former newspaper columnist. She lives with her husband and two Chihuahuas, Chi Chi and Paco, in Hood River, OR, where she writes the award-winning humor blog Laugh Lines: Middle Age, Modern Marriage, Epic Fails, about the comical ups and down of midlife. She believes that laughter, a good glass of wine, and an econo-sized box of Milk Duds are the path to true zen. Vikki has been featured on the Michael J. Fox Foundation website, Erma Bombeck’s Writer’s Workshop, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Generation Fabulous, Midlife Boulevard, Better After 50, and Funny Times Magazine. She also received a BlogHer14 “Voices of the Year” award for Humor. 

Vikki Claflin is a humor writer, author, public speaker, and former newspaper columnist. She lives with her husband and two Chihuahuas, Chi Chi and Paco, in Hood River, OR, where she writes the award-winning humor blog Laugh Lines: Middle Age, Modern Marriage, Epic Fails, about the comical ups and down of midlife. She believes that laughter, a good glass of wine, and an econo-sized box of Milk Duds are the path to true zen. Vikki has been featured on the Michael J. Fox Foundation website, Erma Bombeck’s Writer’s Workshop, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Generation Fabulous, Midlife Boulevard, Better After 50, and Funny Times Magazine. She also received a BlogHer14 “Voices of the Year” award for Humor. 

Whether you are a college student considering the future, a millennial looking for a career with meaning or a midlifer needing a new paradigm for success, MAURA Sweeney has something valuable for you. This natural coach and advocate known as Maura4u is an author, podcaster, international speaker and Huffington Post contributor. She inspires others with her “Living Happy – Inside Out” mantra and was recently named Ambassador of Happiness by the UNESCO Center for Peace. A graduate of Boston College who has traveled to over 50 countries, Maura shares an eclectic blend of timeless inspiration that empowers people of all backgrounds to discover their own happiness and success in both life and career. In addition to public speaking, Maura has been featured in several media outlets including Match.com, Midlife Boulevard, Tampa Bay Times and Britain’s BBC radio. Check the infographic show notes, plus her top tips and advice for entrepreneurs and aspiring entrepreneurs at www.TodaysLeadingWomen.com or by clicking here!

Today’s guest is Maura Sweeney. Described as the ultimate coach and advocate, Maura Sweeney is an Author, Speaker, Podcaster, World Traveler and Huffington Post blogger.  Both her podcast and her mantra is: “Living Happy – Inside Out.”  A former corporate manager, business owner and home schooling mom, Maura stepped out of her comfort zone to pursue a lifestyle career and invites others to join her along the way. Maura’s story of learning how to dance at midlife launched her Art of Happiness book series and the beginning of fun, ironic and sometimes profound inspiration.  Featured in media outlets like Match.com, Midlife Boulevard and Britain’s BBC, Maura can be seen everywhere from around the block to around the globe looking for great people, great stories and good news to share. When not speaking about leadership, influence and stepping out of comfort zones, she is probably finding another reason to laugh.  Learn more about Maura at www.Maura4u.com.  You can even drop her a line at Maura@Maura4u.com, tell her you heard this episode on Consciously Speaking, and let her know which of The Art of Happiness series you would like. She'll send you a FREE pdf of one of the following six titles: Comfort Zones, Influence, Competition, Judgment, Values or Nonsense. Please be sure to fill out our Audience Demographic Survey for LibSyn.  And don’t forget to subscribe to Consciously Speaking so that you don't miss a single episode. While you're at it, won't you take a moment to write a short review and rate our show? It would be greatly appreciated! To learn more about our previous guests, listen to past episodes, and get to know your host, go to www.MichaelNeeley.com and follow us on Facebook and Twitter.    

Life's Issues with Lloyd Rosen and his guest Vikki Claflin & Kimberly Gauthier: Kimberly Gauthier is a dog nutrition blogger and freelance writer who lives in Western Washington with 4 dogs, 2 cats, and the best guy on the planet. I was born and raised in the Pacific Northwest, moving from Oregon to Washington for college and settling in Marysville, WA. Keep the Tail Wagging has gone from a blog about dogs to a resource on raw feeding and raising littermates, opening up opportunities for me to speak publicly, connect with amazing people, and provide our dogs with a great life. Vikki lives in Hood River, OR, where she writes the award-winning humor blog Laugh Lines, sharing the hilarious ups and down of midlife. She believes that laughter, a good glass of wine, and an econo-sized box of Milk Duds are the path to true zen. Vikki has been featured on the Michael J. Fox Foundation website, Erma Bombeck's Writer's Workshop, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Midlife Boulevard, Better After 50, and Funny Times Magazine. She also received a BlogHer14 “Voices of the Year” Humor award. Vikki recently released her new book Shake, Rattle & Roll With It: Living and Laughing with Parkinson's, recently listed as an Amazon.com Editor's Favorite Books of 2014, which chronicles her hilarious, and sometimes poignant journey living with Parkinson's disease. Her book is available at Amazon.com.