Podcasts about The Good Men Project

This Gay Week: The Flag That Annoys The World It's Pride Month, but in some parts of the United States, the United Kingdom, and beyond, flying a Pride flag has become a political statement, a cultural battleground, and sometimes even a target. Why does a rainbow flag generate so much controversy? Is the outrage genuine, or is it being manufactured by politicians, media personalities, and culture-war influencers looking for the next fight? This week, Karel and Scott Jacobsen of The Good Men Project examine the growing backlash against Pride visibility and what it says about LGBTQ rights in 2026. Also on this episode:

400+ Anti-LGBTQ Bills: Why Pride Matters More Than Ever | This Gay Week As Pride Month begins, LGBTQ people around the world are asking the same question: Are things getting better—or getting worse? This week on This Gay Week, Karel welcomes Scott Jacobsen of The Good Men Project for a wide-ranging conversation on the most important LGBTQ stories making headlines across the globe. Topics include:

What happens when heartbreak becomes the starting point for a whole new purpose? In this episode of Unstoppable Mindset, I sit down with Heather Christie, author, educator, entrepreneur, and founder of Love Notes, a storytelling movement built around real stories of real love. Heather shares how commuting alone to New York City as a teenager shaped her independence, why she walked away from her creative dreams after marrying young, and how writing helped her rediscover herself after the end of a 30-year marriage. We explore storytelling, resilience, creativity, publishing, relationships, and the power of authentic human connection. You will hear how Heather transformed loneliness into hope through Love Notes, an off-Broadway storytelling series that is now expanding across the country and helping people reconnect with the many forms love can take. Highlights: 01:25 - Learn how early independence shaped Heather's confidence and resilience. 16:03 - Discover why staying true to yourself matters in life and relationships. 19:29 - Hear how heartbreak inspired a search for real love stories. 27:21 - Learn how writing helped Heather reconnect with her creativity. 32:35 - Discover the mindset that helped her push through years of rejection. 47:17 - Hear what Heather believes is at the heart of real love. About the Guest: Heather Christie is a speaker, writer-producer, educator, and the creator of LoveNotes! — Real Stories. Real People. Real Love.®—an Off-Broadway storytelling show that's expanding through satellite productions alongside an award-winning anthology. An award-winning YA author, she wrote What The Valley Knows and The Lying Season, which debuted as an Amazon #1 bestseller in Young Adult Soccer Fiction. Her essays have appeared in Salon, NextTribe, Writer's Digest, Baltimore Style, Scary Mommy, Elephant Journal, The Good Men Project, Grown & Flown, Baltimore Child, Parent.co, Her View From Home, the Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop, and The Lighter Side of Real Estate. Heather holds a BA in Literary Studies from UT-Dallas and an MFA from Pine Manor College. She is CEO of SocRoc Soccer and an adjunct lecturer at the City University of New York. Ways to connect with Heather: Website: www.LoveNotesWorldwide.com & www.HeatherChristieBooks.com Instagram:@_heatherchristie/lovenotes_worldwideFacebook: @heatherchristiebooks / @LoveNotesWorldwideLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/heather-christie-mfa-4b976049/LoveNotes! AnthologyWhat The Valley Knows (book)The Lying Season (book) About the Host: Michael Hingson is a New York Times best-selling author, international lecturer, and Chief Vision Officer for accessiBe. Michael, blind since birth, survived the 9/11 attacks with the help of his guide dog Roselle. This story is the subject of his best-selling book, Thunder Dog. Michael gives over 100 presentations around the world each year speaking to influential groups such as Exxon Mobile, AT&T, Federal Express, Scripps College, Rutgers University, Children's Hospital, and the American Red Cross just to name a few. He is Ambassador for the National Braille Literacy Campaign for the National Federation of the Blind and also serves as Ambassador for the American Humane Association's 2012 Hero Dog Awards. https://michaelhingson.com https://www.facebook.com/michael.hingson.author.speaker/ https://twitter.com/mhingson https://www.youtube.com/user/mhingson https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaelhingson/ accessiBe Links https://accessibe.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/accessiBe https://www.linkedin.com/company/accessibe/mycompany/ https://www.facebook.com/accessibe/ Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below! Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. You can subscribe in your favorite podcast app. You can also support our podcast through our tip jar https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/unstoppable-mindset . Leave us an Apple Podcasts review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts. Transcription Notes: Michael Hingson  00:06 John, thank you for being here with me on Unstoppable Mindset. I hope today's conversation left you with a fresh perspective, a new insight, or at least something worth thinking about. If you're ready to go deeper into the ideas that shape how we see ourselves and others, I have a free gift for you. Head over to Michael hingson.com and download my free ebook, Blinded by Fear. It explores the invisible beliefs that hold us back and shows you how to reframe them, so you can move forward with clarity and confidence. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast, leave a review, and share this show with someone who can use a reminder that growth starts with mindset. When people think differently, we all move forward together. Thanks again for listening. Keep learning, keep questioning, and keep choosing to live with an unstoppable mindset. Hi everyone, and welcome to another episode of Unstoppable Mindset. Today we get the opportunity and the honor of chatting with Heather Christy, and Heather, Heather is an author. She and her brother have formed a company, so she's clearly an entrepreneur. She's acted, she's a keynote speaker, and I don't know what all we're going to find out in the next hour or so, but definitely an exciting person to get a chance to chat with. So, Heather, welcome to Unstoppable Mindset. We're glad you're here. Speaker 1  01:47 Thank you, Michael. I'm so honored that we're going to have a conversation today. Michael Hingson  01:52 And Heather lives in New York City, she lives in Manhattan, or as we all know it, the city. And before we started this, we were talking about the fact that winter is coming everywhere. Ah, well, what do you do as long as you don't get too much snow back there? Speaker 1  02:11 Yeah, the winters have been pretty mild here the last couple years, so see what happens. Michael Hingson  02:16 Yeah, time will tell. Well, why don't we start? Tell us about the early Heather growing up in some of those things. Speaker 1  02:22 Okay, well, as a young person, I, I wanted to be an actress, and I grew up in a really small rural town, about two hours due west of New York City, in Pennsylvania. It's called the Holy Valley. Michael Hingson  02:37 What town? Speaker 1  02:39 Oh, it's called Oli Oley Valley, it's actually a Michael Hingson  02:42 valley. Okay, Speaker 1  02:43 historic site. And so I had a really interesting sort of upbringing, because I, before it was really in vogue, I was on a work-study program, and I would spend half my day in this small Pennsylvania town, and then I would jump on a bus - it was called the Bieber Bus back then - and drive to New York City on the bus, and that was like two to two and a half hours each way, get off in the, you know, huge metropolis of New York City, go on auditions, go sees, or if I had a booking, I'd do the booking, and then I would jump back on the bus and go all the way back to rural Pennsylvania, and that's how I spent like all my high school years was back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and then I actually graduated early. I graduated halfway through my senior year. I had enough of my credits done that I'd actually, the first half of my senior year, I went to community college, and I took a class in the evenings, so I could be done by Christmas break, and the only requirement I still needed to fulfill was my physical fitness, so I ended up moving to New York City, and then I would take my physical fitness classes at Steps Dance Studio, and then I was still able to graduate with my class in June, but I was living in New York City from January on of what would have been senior year. Yeah, so it was like the early me, and the one thing that was sort of interesting when I was on the work study, my mom was a mathematician, and my dad was a an ER doctor, so they actually tutored me. My mom tutored me in math, and my father tutored me in chemistry. And then, like my history teacher back back in the day, we had Walkmans, and he would record his three lessons on a Walkman, and I would listen to them on the bus back and forth from New York. Michael Hingson  04:43 Yep, Lockmans were the big thing back in time. Sony created a very clever thing, but as with everything, the technology has advanced beyond that. Now Speaker 1  04:58 that's right. Yeah, now my kids. Wouldn't even recognize a Walkman, Michael Hingson  05:02 they wouldn't recognize a cassette either. Speaker 1  05:05 That's right, yeah, it would be like an ancient artifact. Michael Hingson  05:08 What's really strange is there are a lot of people who don't even really know anymore what CDs are. Speaker 1  05:14 That's true, yeah. Michael Hingson  05:16 Much less, well, and DVD is sort of going the same way, it hasn't quite got there, but we, we are new now, moving more into streaming and things like that, but, gee, what a crazy world. Well, so you went through high school, basically commuting to New York. What did your parents think of that? Speaker 1  05:35 Well, I was one of four children, I was the oldest child, and what's remarkable is in the beginning, my mother would go with me, but it was hard to do that, and have you know three other children at home, so by the time I was 15 I was doing it on my own, and when I.. it's just like such a different culture that children are raised in now, there's sort of this idea that we, we can't let them kind of do their own thing, you know, like there's, we're so follow every move and thing they do, but that was like a lot of independence my parents granted me at such a young age, and so they thought, I mean, it was great, and they gave me the support I needed, but at the same time they allowed me to be really independent at a pretty young age. I know when I tell people, "Oh, yeah, I moved to New York City when I was 17 by myself, they're like, "And your parents let you do that? And New York, and this was in the late 80s, early 90s, and New York was like a whole different place, like when I get off the bus at Port Authority back then, like now that whole strip Times Square is kind of sanitized and disified, but back then it was, it was a little rough, Michael Hingson  06:56 it was a lot of X-rated things, and all that, I did some commuting more in the early 90s. I sold products, and I would travel back to New York, because that's where I sold to. I traveled from California, and I remember it was there was a lot of stuff on 42nd Street that was very X-rated, and so on, a lot different than the musical 42nd Street, but that's okay. Speaker 1  07:20 That's right, yeah, Michael Hingson  07:21 but it is a lot, a lot cleaner now than it was, and I remember times I would go out of my hotel and there would be people who would say you really shouldn't be walking around on your own, and why not, and they said, well, because it's pretty dangerous here, and you know, the the angels that that were out there insisted on escorting me everywhere I went, just because they were concerned about me, and I wasn't, although I understand the the situation, but I wasn't going to go in the middle of Central Park at night either, so you know, Speaker 1  07:58 right, and I was a lot the same for me. I remember, though, getting.. I would get off the bus at the Port Authority, for people who know you, New York City, it's on Eighth Avenue, and then I would feel like I wasn't like fully safe until I could get to Lord and Taylor, which was on Sixth Avenue. Yeah, and then it felt like everything got a little bit safer and calmer, the energy changed. Michael Hingson  08:23 Yeah, Speaker 1  08:23 that Michael Hingson  08:24 was a lot different. You could always go to St. Patrick's Cathedral for refuge too. So, but yeah, the Port Authority was an interesting place to go, and I understand. Well, how did.. how did all that affect you, and how did, how does what you did back then kind of affect you in the way you think today, especially with children and so on? Would you give them that same level of independence today? Speaker 1  08:52 That's a really interesting question. And my children are a little older than I was at that time now, but I do think about when they were 15, 1616, years old, and if I'm to answer the question really honestly, I don't know that I would have. I just feel like, and I don't know what's changed about society that makes it that way, that and part of it I think is maybe like the news cycle just is constantly highlighting everything that's wrong and fear based that that's what we see and it's in our faces so much more because we have all this access to it through social media that it it creates sort of this, this like undercurrent in parenting that, that we're, that we're oftentimes afraid, like, what could happen to our children. So, I don't know if I actually would have let them commute like that by themselves, you know? Like, yeah, I don't think I would have. Michael Hingson  09:56 Yeah, it's definitely different now than it was then, and. And I think you're right with especially the news cycle and also in reality there's there's so much gun violence and other stuff going on and I ask people when we talk about it I ask is it really that there's more now or it's just more visible in the news, and I'm not sure that it's just visibility. I think there is more stuff going on, and it's not being stopped nearly as effectively or as aggressively as it should be, and it does make it a scarier world. It's tougher, I think, by far to be a kid now than it was when you were a kid, much less I believe when I was growing up. We just didn't see the kinds of things that we see today, and I don't think it's all just exposure from the news. I think there's there's some truth to the fact that that there are other issues going on, Speaker 1  11:00 right, that it actually is a more dangerous world that we live in. Michael Hingson  11:03 Yeah, and I think that it is something that we do have to think about, and hopefully someday sanity will come back to it all. I agree, I'm of the opinion that eventually it will, but you know, so that's cool. But, but still, we have to do what we do, but I also think that we can't stifle our children, we have to give them the opportunity to grow. It may be that you might, when your children were the age you were, you might have decided, well, one of us just has to go with you all the time, and we're going to just to keep an eye on you, or you have other people that help, but I think being so aggressively smothering that you don't let children grow is a problem too. Speaker 1  11:53 Yeah, I agree. I think that's, I mean, there's that saying, and maybe I'll get it right, or maybe I'll get it wrong here, that we need to give our children roots and wings, Michael Hingson  12:02 yeah, Speaker 1  12:02 and that's the challenge, is to find the balance, Michael Hingson  12:06 yeah. Well, and so for you, you were given a lot of independence. How did that shape kind of your attitude, and how does it shape the way you look at life today? Speaker 1  12:20 Well, that's a really great question, and for all the independence that I had as a young person, and maybe, maybe I was given too much independence in some ways, because I, I ended up marrying very young, and and I often wonder, like, had my parents not given me as much independence, if I would have done that, but yeah, I still think I'm very independent now, and I've tried to instill that in my children as well, and I think they're, they're really great kids, and they've launched really well, which I know is a common problem with today's young adults, is the this sort of inability to to launch, and I, I feel really good. My both my kids have done that and done it well. Michael Hingson  13:15 Well, and all you can do is your best, Speaker 1  13:19 right? Michael Hingson  13:20 I think we don't do this nearly as much as we should, but it ultimately comes down to, you know, kids want all sorts of independence, and so on. Parents are, are.. I'm talking about parents who really think about what they do, they may not want children to have that much independence, but I think the key is that you really need to communicate with your kids and teach them what's going on and why, Speaker 1  13:48 right. I think that's it's to be open and transparent with, with our children is very, and to have like the hard conversations and give them a safe space in which they can speak to Michael Hingson  14:02 the other side of that is that we should hold them to the same standard and say when you have issues and so on, we're here, we're not going to judge you, you need to have the hard conversations with us too. And I don't think we do nearly as much of that. I know when I was growing up, we had a lot of conversations. Of course, I was blind. I've been blind my whole life, and I encountered a lot of different things growing up, and my parents were glad to talk with me about blindness, and glad to talk with me about different things about independence, and it also was true that they allowed me to be independent. I mean, I rode my own bike around the neighborhood, and some other.. I'm not the only blind kid that did that in the world, but in my town I was brand.. and I think that, you know, I'm. Sure, that I was watched, but parents didn't interfere. I mean, I even fell off the bike a couple times until I really learned how to ride it, but they allowed me to have the opportunity to grow, and I think that there is a way to do that without, without, well, without stifling your kids, and that you can, you can let kids grow, and we should really emphasize curiosity a lot more than we do. Speaker 1  15:29 I agree, I think that's really important, is to give kids the space to grow and encourage curiosity. Michael Hingson  15:36 Yeah, we don't probably do that nearly as much as we ought to, well, so you mentioned you got married at 19. Well, I guess that's a little young, but, but you did that, huh? Speaker 1  15:48 I did. Yes, I did. I married young. Michael Hingson  15:54 How did that work out? Speaker 1  15:56 Well, it, it worked out for a little, well, it worked out for a while. I stayed married a really long time, but I eventually divorced 30 years later, and part of that had to do with I was, I did marry young, but my ex-husband also had some addictions that you know in time just became too hard to manage, so that ended the thing, and he Michael Hingson  16:29 wouldn't, and he wouldn't deal with them Speaker 1  16:31 well. At one point, I mean, we'll ask a lot of times in relationship with addicts, you kind of, there are times when they deal with them, and then times when they don't, Michael Hingson  16:39 right? Speaker 1  16:40 Yeah, so ultimately it dissolved. Michael Hingson  16:44 It's too bad when things happen. Speaker 1  16:47 That's right, yeah, but I'm grateful for the the union, because it produced my two great kids. Michael Hingson  16:56 And what, what else did being married for 30 years teach you? Speaker 1  17:01 Well, wow, that's a great question. I think probably it taught me most of all it's a lesson learned, sort of, that you really need to be true to yourself and listen to yourself, because I think deep down we know, and my I was always trying, like, to try harder, if I just try harder, you know, things will get better, but there's part of me deep down that knew I was sort of trying harder for everybody else but myself. And when I left New York, I had given up everything I'd worked on, and in, you know, in hindsight, when I look back, I, it was in a way I sort of abandon all my dreams and hopes, and ultimately I don't think that's a good thing when you give up yourself for someone else. Michael Hingson  17:50 So, after you got married, what did you do? Where did you go? Speaker 1  17:54 Well, my ex-husband was a professional soccer player, so we ended up going around the United States, he played for a couple different teams, and I went to college, and I finished my degree at the University of Texas, and then I, I did a couple things, I was a flight attendant, and I eventually fell into real estate, and worked in real estate for a long, long time, but along the way, I, there was a, there was a point where I kind of really missed that young creative person that I had started out my life as, and I'd always loved books and lacher, and my undergraduate degree was in literary studies, and I started writing stories, and then at midlife went back to graduate school for a master's of fine arts in creative writing, and and started writing. So I was, I was always doing a bunch of things. I was a real estate broker, I was managing a company, and then I was, I was writing, and began writing novels on the side. Michael Hingson  18:58 What was your bachelor's degree in Speaker 1  19:00 literary studies. Michael Hingson  19:02 Oh, okay, Speaker 1  19:03 yeah. Michael Hingson  19:04 So, you never did get degrees in what either of your parents did. Speaker 1  19:09 No, no, no, Michael Hingson  19:10 you weren't that into math. Speaker 1  19:12 No, not at all. No, I always liked words, words. Michael Hingson  19:16 Yeah, I understand. I do pretty well with math, but by the same token, I've been learning more about words, having now written three books, and appreciate it. I also like to collaborate, so when I write, I generally write with someone. I think that the team approach works, at least it does for me, and there are a lot of people who don't use a second person on their team, other than their publishers, editors, and so on, but for me the collaborative way works, which is fine. Speaker 1  19:49 I've had a little bit more experience later now in my creative career, because I've, and maybe we'll talk about this in a little bit, but I've started producing storytelling shows, so I. Work with the storytellers in helping them in their stories, so that's a much more collaborative exercise, and one one I really enjoy. Michael Hingson  20:09 Yeah, well, well, let's, let's, you know, we could talk about it now. What the heck, we don't have to do this in a linear way. Tell me about storytelling. What you think about storytelling. Why is it so important, and so on. Speaker 1  20:25 Well, for me, so the storytelling that I do, I'm working on this project called Love Notes, which real stories by real people about real love, and that came to me during the darkest, loneliest period of my life. It was, you know, after the disillusion of this 30 year marriage, and I was really despondent and, and disillusioned, and thinking, you know, like, does love even exist, and what does it look like, and I just, I just really didn't even believe in love anymore, and being in the storytelling community, I produced some storytelling shows, stories about motherhood. I put out a call to writers and actors and just regular people to share their true love stories, and so from that, people started sending me all these true stories, they had to be 1000 words or fewer, and so to answer your question, like, what does storytelling do in, in this case, I think story, storytelling, it's different than other mediums, like the personal essay or the novel, it's, it's a, it's a testament, it's a first person testament, and what's really great when you see the different storytelling communities around the country is anybody can do it, and so that's part of the beauty of storytelling. Michael Hingson  22:00 I think the key is, though, it has to be a genuine story. Making it up isn't the same thing, Speaker 1  22:06 right? And that's the difference, right? Because people will write a short story or story thing, but in storytelling, you're exactly right, Michael. It needs to be a true story, and that's what makes it so compelling, and I think so relatable, is that people can see themselves in other people's stories, so like in my case it was a way, it was like the evidence, the proof of love, like what it really looks like as it walks around in the world, Michael Hingson  22:36 so that's it, sounds like changed your view of love, and that you believe in love again. I Speaker 1  22:46 do, I do, and it's it, and even like during the first season of Love Notes, because we do an off-Broadway show here in Manhattan, and we have an anthology, a companion anthology. I remember that first year, like some I'd wake up in the morning and just like be not despondent but upset, like, oh, like this doesn't happen. And then literally there was like a little voice in my head that would say, oh well, don't you remember Stacey's story or Sarah's story? And it was like just like the the universe providing this evidence and this this proof and just hearing enough stories and story after story, yeah, it really did fortify my belief in love, and that love is for everyone, and it comes like from all these different angles, and when you least expect it, and it shows up in so many different forms. Michael Hingson  23:43 Yeah, well, and I think there's there's a lot of merit to that. I know when I was writing this last book that I wrote, which is entitled Live Like a Guide Dog: True Stories from a Blind Man and His Dogs, about being brave, overcoming adversity, and moving forward in faith, I spent a lot of time talking about each of the eight guide dogs that I've had and the lessons I learned from them, and also using those lessons in the book to show the importance of different aspects of what happens in our lives, but I have maintained for years I've learned a lot more about life and learned about leadership and teamwork. I've learned a lot more from these dogs than I ever learned from all the experts in the world, and that's primarily because we'll have some interesting observations. One, I allow my dogs to express themselves, but they also learn what the rules are. Because dogs really want to hear from humans, they want humans to set the rules, they want humans to be the pack leaders, by and large, and they want humans to be the ones to say this is what I expect, but when. That relationship forms, and it forms well. There's it's second to none, and you learn so much. Dogs love unconditionally, but they don't trust unconditionally, but they're open to trust, and we're not. And we really should learn to be more open to trust, and just so many different kinds of things. It has really given me a lot of pause to think over the past several years, while we were writing the book, and, and I, and I think about it now. There are a lot of neat stories in there that really ultimately are love stories in one way or another, and I think that makes a lot of sense. Speaker 1  25:36 Oh, that's so.. I'm actually a new dog owner, well, not too new, I.. I'm for the first time in my adult life have a dog, and I just.. it's such a wonderful, like, experience, and it's opened me up to, yeah, like so many different levels of love. Michael Hingson  25:53 Yeah, dogs want to establish a relationship, but as I said, I don't think that they are open to just trusting they do pretty much love unconditionally, unless something just totally traumatizes them. But trusting is a different story, and that's a trust that has to be earned both ways. It's not just us earning their trust, but they're earning our trust, and the people who really take that to heart and develop that relationship and think about it, find that they have a bond that's really second to none. It's as close to knit a team as you could ever find. Speaker 1  26:35 That's beautiful. Michael Hingson  26:37 So, it's a lot of fun. What kind of dog do you have? Speaker 1  26:40 I have, well, because remember I'm in a small New York City. I have a teacup poodle. Michael Hingson  26:46 Oh, so it isn't a Saint Bernard, okay? Speaker 1  26:49 And she's, she's an eye, she's a, she's a character. She, she acts like she's a cross between a teacup and a pit bull when she's in the, when she's out on the street. She does not like she's a scaredy cat on the street. She would prefer to be carried when we're on the street, so she's got sort of a split personality, but she, and she doesn't take too many people. So, just like you were saying, I can identify with that, like the whole trust element, and she's, she only trusts a few people. Michael Hingson  27:25 Yeah, well, trust isn't something that happens overnight. I've maintained for a long time. I think it takes a good year for me when I am meeting a new guide dog. I think it takes a good year for the trust to become so seamless that we really know what each other is thinking, and I think that we really do understand each other. There's a lot of empathy there, Speaker 1  27:52 that's really great. So, Michael Hingson  27:53 I think it's, it is kind of cool. Well, so, but going back to you getting married and all that, so you gave up for a while a lot of your dreams, that that must have, whether it was conscious or not, been a little bit frustrating. Speaker 1  28:08 Yeah, and I didn't realize it at the time. It was only later, like when my younger self sort of came calling, and I had given up a lot for this marriage that didn't really turn out the way I had hoped, and yeah, so writing was a way for me to find myself again, was not only a refuge during that time in my life when I wasn't really happy, but it also really opened up that whole creative part of myself, which felt really good, and it's, you know, it's been something now I've been working on for the last decade and a half, Michael Hingson  28:57 but it sounds like you didn't really, or at least consciously you didn't really know that you were unhappy. Speaker 1  29:03 No, I didn't, and that's a really interesting observation that that you make, because you know, I had my children, I loved my children, and I loved being a mom, and I had a really fulfilling career, but there was something missing, you know, and I wasn't really able to put my finger on that until I started writing, and then it became more and more obvious that, yeah, this is the part that was missing, this, you know, who you had thought you were going to be a creative, you, you had denied that, and you're right, so it wasn't really conscious, but, like, once I sort of, it started to become more noticeable to me, then it sort of came back with a vengeance. Michael Hingson  29:49 How much writing did you do before you got married? Speaker 1  29:53 Before.. well, I really didn't, because I was more in the.. I read a lot. Lot, and, but I was more into that, the acting, so I didn't really, I mean, I would write some really bad poetry, but not anything. I know some writers will say they were writing from the time they were six years old, but I, it didn't come to me till much later. Michael Hingson  30:16 So, what got you started back writing after your marriage ended, what was the trigger that made that happen? Speaker 1  30:25 Writing and the marriage, it was like the last 10 years of, of my marriage, I was writing, and it's, I sort of wrote my, my way out of the marriage in a way, but what was the trigger, and I do remember there wasn't an absolute trigger. I had a friend who had self-published a book. Michael Hingson  30:45 Okay, Speaker 1  30:46 I was like a friend of a friend. And one afternoon, it was a summer afternoon, we were over at her house because she had been hired to go to an elementary school and do a presentation, and so we were brainstorming and about what she could do at this presentation, and I went home from that, and I was like, I felt like so energized again. I was like, wow, well, I could do this, I could write a children's book, and so I sat down, and I wrote this book called Beatrice Bumblebee is busy. I didn't know anything about publishing, and I thought to myself, okay, well, now I'll just write it, and I'll send it to publishers, and I'll get it published. Well, it was promptly rejected by every single publisher, and I knew nothing about the publishing that point, but it was enough of a spark. And then I did start just sort of playing around, and I had this scene in my head of a girl, like a young girl who's been in a car accident, and she's on the side of the road losing consciousness, and she has this terrible secret that she wants to tell her boyfriend, and this, the scene, it was like a dark, wet Pennsylvania night, and it was an autumn, and like, I could see the mist, and so I had written this scene, and I remember giving it to my father, who was a huge reader, and he's like, well, Heather, this is really good. Why don't you keep trying to work on it? And, and so I did, and I love school, so I was like, well, I don't know how to write, like, how can I learn how to write? And then I sort of discovered, oh, well, there's these MFA programs, and so I ended up applying, and and going back to school, and then it was in my MFA program, where I wrote the first draft of my first novel, but yeah, so the actual trigger was a friend who had published a self-published a book, and it really kind of triggered something in me. Michael Hingson  32:38 Whatever happened to Beatrice Bumblebee is busy, Speaker 1  32:41 she is in a drawer, but I do keep.. I have here on my bulletin board. I'll pull it down if we're on camera. I have this little bumblebee, it's like a rhinestone bumblebee that I keep stuck on my bulletin board as just a reminder that the address in my life. Michael Hingson  33:07 Well, are you ever going to publish it? Speaker 1  33:10 Oh, I don't think it's very good, Michael. Michael Hingson  33:12 Okay, well, maybe you should go back and rewrite it, but Speaker 1  33:16 then, and maybe if I have grandchildren someday, maybe I'll, I'll be, yeah, that's kind of interesting that you say that. Maybe I will go back and just look at it. It would be fun to look at it all these years later. Michael Hingson  33:32 Yeah, well, so you got rejected a whole bunch, which is a pretty common story. What did you learn from that? Speaker 1  33:42 Well, and I do, I do talks at different places, and one of the talks I say is I started with the, you know, Calvin Coolidge said most of humanity's problems can be solved with two simple words, press on, and and that's what I learned through the process. My first book was on submission for like 520 weeks before it finally found a publisher, and it was every degree of rejection that you can get when you're publishing, you know, I'm, and for people who understand the publishing hierarchy, you know, the coveted placement is to land a book deal with one of the big five traditional publishers, and then from there it works its way way down, and we had gotten close on some of the big fives and other places where we'd made it to acquisitions, and we finally ended up with a small indie publisher, but it took so long, and it was so soul crushing in a way, and not so much the first book, and the first book I was still like super, super hopeful, and then once it was published, it did go on, and it won the new. National Indy Excellence Award, and I kind of was always thinking of it as a, you know, a stepping stone, a stepping stone, and that the second book would, would land the big publishing deal, and the second book took just as long, and it ended up right back with the same publisher, so the rejection taught me, yeah, that you just need to keep going. I mean, sometimes people hit really easily, or you know, the way the wind's blowing that day, whatever's on trend or top of mind, and, and sometimes it doesn't, but you have to do it because you, you love it, and you're called to do it. Michael Hingson  35:46 When you were getting rejected, did you get any substantive feedback that helped, or do do publishers do much of that? Speaker 1  35:54 Well, actually, I did, especially on my second book, and on the first book, too, it depends how interested they are in the book, and I did have a couple that were pretty interested and gave what's called like an editorial letter, and oftentimes they won't even do that unless you're under contract, but I did have a couple that had liked it enough, so on my second book, especially my agent and I then took that information and did some like hard edits and rewrites, but that's not always the case. I mean, and I have a lot of friends who are also in the business, sometimes you don't get any, any feedback. Michael Hingson  36:39 So now all together, how many books have you written? Speaker 1  36:42 Well, I've written two, and then I've edited and curated the anthology, the Love Notes anthology, Michael Hingson  36:48 right? Speaker 1  36:49 Which, and I've written a small bit of that. Um, yeah, so I'd like to say three books. Michael Hingson  36:54 Are there more books in you? Okay, Speaker 1  36:58 for sure. We have, you know, we'll. well, first, the second, the second Love Notes edition, I'm definitely editing and curating the stories for that, and that's through a small publisher. And then I have been really sort of toying around with, like, what's my next book, and my first two books were young adult romance, mystery, and thriller, and I kind of think I'm done with that genre, so I have talked about an adult, adult fiction, or even a that would go kind of hand in hand with Love Notes, the my story type of book, you know, rebuilding after divorce and being on, you know, what the space that love notes came out of, and going on, you know, hundreds of dates, and what that, that looked like, but that's in a very sort of nebulous state. It Michael Hingson  37:54 will be fun to see what happens. You'll have to keep us all posted, Speaker 1  37:58 yeah, for sure. Michael Hingson  38:00 But you've, you've described your creative journey, your whole creative journey is basically transforming heartbreak into healing. Tell me more about that. Speaker 1  38:14 Yeah, like I touched on earlier, Love Notes came out as sort of this really dark, lonely time in my life. My 30 year marriage had ended. My children had both left for college, and I'd relocated to New York City. So I was living alone for the first time in my adult lifetime. I was 19 years old, and New York can be a really.. for as many people who live here, it can be a really lonely place. I was really, really starting over, and I started dating at midlife, is, you know, it's not for the faint of heart, and I was going on a lot of dates, and just really discouraged by the whole process, and, like, I had sort of mentioned earlier, that's where I kind of was like almost indignant, like you know, I want proof, like show me proof that that love is real, and and that's where this this call to like look for people's love stories came from, so I do say it, it truly came out of a place of of loneliness and darkness, and then hope, though, too. You know, I was hoping I wanted to, I wanted, I wanted the stories to give me proof. I wanted them to be the evidence, and then, and then that sort of became a calling that, well, then I want to share that with other people and give other people hope, and that's been the most gratifying part for me is when somebody like they come to the show and the shows are really great, these storytelling shows, and now I've started to franchise them, so we have them popping up in some other cities, and I've gone around to some of the other cities, in fact, if you have any listeners who. When I produce a love note show, but the audience members, they're like, "Oh, wow, this, this was.. they don't expect it, first of all, coming into it, and everybody walks out feeling good, and that is like so gratifying to me, that, like, you know, in this, in these like divisive times, that they can come to a show, they can recognize part of the human experience, and they can walk out feeling uplifted and Speaker 2  40:25 hopeful, and that some readers, Speaker 1  40:27 you know, in the book do that too, like having read the book, and someone will reach out and say, "Oh, well, that just really gave me hope. So, hope that answers the question a little bit. Michael Hingson  40:40 Does it? Does it? Does get so the two books that you've written are what the Valley Knows and The Lying Season. Tell me more about those. What the interesting titles, to say the least. Speaker 1  40:52 Yeah, okay, so the both books are they're not ones, they're not a sequel and a prequel, but I would call them a series, because they're both in this fictional town of Millington Valley, which is much like the small town I grew up in, the Oley Valley, and it's all set around this high school, so the peripheral characters in the book stay the same, like the English teacher and the principal, but the kids, you know, because kids are only in high school for four years at a time, so different kids kind of like move through both of the books, they're both mysteries or are thrillers, and they both have like a big kind of like moral question at their center, both sent it set in this Millington Valley, which is a small Pennsylvania town, Michael Hingson  41:45 right? And they're, they're for juveniles, primarily. You said, I think, right. Speaker 1  41:52 Well, they are. They'd be considered young adults. What the valley knows, that's told from three point of views: two kids, and then one of the kids' mothers, so it has a lot of crossover appeal. So you and that book originally started at six point of views, and that was when I was in graduate school, and I remember my professor saying to me, Well, Heather, that's that's just too ambitious to try to do for your first book, you need to cut it down, and, and just whoever's story has to be there, that's the point of view you, you include, and so it kind of fell into the young adult category by accident, but I have a lot of adult readers who, who it really resonates as well, Michael Hingson  42:43 yeah. You know, I know a lot of people say, especially the early ones, the Harry Potter books are for more young adults, and so on, but I certainly had no problem enjoying them as a full-fledged, real-life middle-aged adult. So I think there's a lot that we can learn by stretching and not necessarily just falling into the trap of reading one kind or, or one sort of book that's, oh, this is for more adults or this is more for for children. Think there's a lot to be learned all the way around. Speaker 1  43:17 I think you're, you're right, Michael, and that's it's kind of like a modern thing that we do, like classifying books as adult fiction, like when we think about Catcher in the Rye, like what would that be considered now? Because the protagonist is a young adult, would it be considered a young adult book? But yeah, that's a really great point that you're making. Michael Hingson  43:40 Well, so you, you wrote these books, and you said that, so they've been published, and I assume they're out there. Do you know if they're audio books also? Speaker 1  43:52 Well, yes, and but here's the thing, I, because I didn't get to pick the publisher, I mean, the, you know, I didn't get to pick the narrator, so the what they both, okay, so what the bally knows is narrated. Yes, I don't like the narrator's voice. I know that's a terrible thing to say, because I would love for people to go and listen to the audio book, but I don't know, and maybe it's just me. And then the second book the publisher actually used like an AI kind of, I don't know exactly how it works, and I didn't really even know it happened till I went on Amazon one day, I was like, oh, they made an audio book of this, and it was in like an AI voice, so, so the answer is yes. Both of them are on audiobook. Love Notes is not the other bar. Michael Hingson  44:49 It's interesting, I'm on several lists that deal with audio books, and so on, and I hear people talking or. Emailing on the list all the time, and what people have often said is nonfiction books that are not what they're necessarily as much into as fiction books, they don't mind it being an AI voice, but when they're reading good fiction, where they really want to be absorbed, AI and synthetic voices text to speech just doesn't do it, and in fact I buy into that. I agree with that. I don't think that we have yet gotten computer synthesized voices to really take the place of human readers, and I don't know that we ever totally will, because we're so used to what people sound like, but it is an interesting thing that does come up. Speaker 1  45:47 Yeah, I agree with you. Michael Hingson  45:50 So, I prefer human readers in general. I've never been as great a fan of having a synthetic voice. Nothing against computers, but they just don't talk as well as humans do. Speaker 1  46:03 No, I agree with you too. I much prefer the human voice. Michael Hingson  46:09 Well, so you, when did you start writing love notes? When did that really start coming to fruition? Speaker 1  46:17 Well, love notes. We're coming into our third off-Broadway season this Valentine's Day, so it started that would, so it was started in 22 Michael Hingson  46:27 Oh, yeah. Okay, Speaker 1  46:29 so it's a relatively young project. We're going into our third year, but I'm super excited. We just cast the show for this upcoming performance, and that's really exciting. We have, you know, a bunch of local New Yorkers, but then we also have about the cast is 12 members, and six of them are from other parts of the country, so it's, it's got a, you know, flavor from from from all over. Michael Hingson  46:57 Now, is Love Notes available in any way online, or is it strictly just the shows, and they're not recorded and disseminated in any way. The Speaker 1  47:06 the all-star show, which is Valentine's Day at Symphony Space in New York City, the APM show is live streamed. Yeah, so it can be enjoyed from anywhere in the world. Michael Hingson  47:19 Okay, but outside of that one being live streamed, are there recordings of any of the shows that are out there for people to hear? Speaker 1  47:28 There are on my website, actually. Both the 2023 show and the 2024 show are available for resale. I think it's like $15 and you can, you can watch it's like it's a great, like date night kind of thing to watch the Love Notes show. Michael Hingson  47:48 Okay. Well, so from all that you have heard and seen and interacted with in doing Love Notes, how do you define real love today? Speaker 1  48:01 Oh that's it. Oh, Michael Hingson  48:03 that for a question out of left field. Yeah, Speaker 1  48:06 that's a great question. How do I define real love? So, I think real love shows up in a lot of different ways, and it.. and what's interesting in love notes, is I've seen all sorts of examples of it. I've seen the type of real love that ignites people when they're young, you know. Speaker 3  48:31 We'll love Speaker 1  48:31 that's the other thing people will say, "Oh, well, you were too young, that's why it didn't work out. But I don't think that's necessarily true. I think I think a little bit sometimes is luck of the draw, but the I've seen examples of people who met when they were 20 years old, and they've stayed together their entire lives, and that shows up in commitment and the ability to grow up together and to grow and evolve together, so I think real love shows up like that, but I've also seen real love, like the second time around type of love, and that sort of love, where people really need to be able to integrate their past and understand they're both two people carrying bags, and now they're going to carry those bags together, and so that shows up in a different way. Real love, and I've even seen it love showing up for people like in their 80s, third time around, or having never had partnered, and finding a partner very late in life, and that shows up in a whole different way, that's absolutely real too, but I think at the core of all types of real love is one, the ability to both people have to want the relationship, and they have. To be willing to work for the relationship, it's not just like what I want or you want, but it's oftentimes if they can ask the question, like what's the problem, and how is are we a team against the problem, or to be able to solve the problem, and I think that's sort of like the realist type of love that's out there, Michael Hingson  50:26 and I would, would also say it goes back to something we talked about earlier with, with dogs, dogs are are very much open to and do love unconditionally, and when we develop that kind of a relationship, it's as strong as any other kind of relationship that we can develop. When both sides of that relationship sense it and know it, it creates a bond that's, as I said earlier, second to none. Speaker 1  50:58 Yeah, that's a really great way of putting Michael Hingson  51:02 it. I would, I would not want to do anything to betray my guide dog or any of the guide dogs that I've had, but I've learned how to create those teams, and I think that's very important. One thing that that sticks in my mind dealing with dogs is when I lived in Northern California, we were very close to the Marin Humane Society, which is one of the more famous organizations of that type in the world. We were talking to one of the people at the Marin Humane Society one day, and they were talking about the fact that they're growing in class sizes and growing in the number of classes that they have to offer, but what they also point out is that 90% of the training isn't training the dog, it's training the human, which is really true. There's so much that humans don't really work to develop the relationship that they should, and that if they really truly understood it, it would, it would be a whole lot different relationship that they would experience, Speaker 1  52:05 yeah, that's a really nice way of looking at it. Michael Hingson  52:10 Well, so you have love notes that are growing by loops and bounds in a lot of ways, and you have, how many different places are doing the shows now? Speaker 1  52:24 Well, so far we have Indianapolis, Chicago, Redding, Pennsylvania, and then we have another Pennsylvania city, Lancaster, Pennsylvania, and we're in talks right now with Atlanta, Georgia, and Tampa, Florida. Michael Hingson  52:42 Wow, so it's growing, Speaker 1  52:45 it's growing, it's starting to spread. We're starting to spread some love. Michael Hingson  52:51 I get it. What do you think about that? Speaker 1  52:54 I think it's great. Like, I hope I'd love to see one in every city. Such a nice event that really brings the community together. Michael Hingson  53:04 So, how often do the shows run? Is it just like on Valentine's Day, or do they go throughout the whole year? Speaker 1  53:10 It can be any time of year, and it's usually just a one-day event. Sometimes there's multiple shows on one day, but yeah, it's just a one day. Oftentimes the local producer will partner with a local charity, so we try to give back in that way too, and they can choose the charity they want, or, or sometimes they're trying to fund like a scholarship fund, or or something like that. I do encourage that, and and we have like a mastermind group among the producers just trying to support each other as creative entrepreneurs. Michael Hingson  53:46 Well, you're you're seeing a lot of success with it. What kind of surprises have you experienced? This must be kind of a thrill, and a lot of, a lot of surprises for you. Speaker 1  53:58 Well, one of the surprises. well, I'm not surprised by it anymore, but I, I can, I'm certain, always surprised when I have a cast member who, at the very last minute, you know, they've gone through all the rehearsals, all the prep work, all the editing, and then at the very last second they pull out of the show, I've had that happen each show, so now I know how to plan for it, and know how to prepare, you know, producers for it. But yeah, that, that's always surprising to me. Michael Hingson  54:34 It's an adventure, isn't it? Speaker 1  54:35 Sure is. Yeah, gotta sing quickly on your feet. Michael Hingson  54:39 Yeah, you definitely have to do that. Tell us a little bit about Socroc, the company you and your brother formed, and what that's all about. Speaker 1  54:47 Sure, well, my brother was a professional soccer player, and he, when he retired, he moved to Manhattan, thinking he was going to be an actor, and as most actors. Oh, they need a second job to support themselves. Yeah, so became a personal trainer, and he was personal training, and some of his clients got word that he'd been a professional soccer player, and they begged him, they're like, can you teach our kids soccer? So it kind of happened by accident, and just a few balls and cones in Central Park, teaching soccer to little kids, and over the years it's grown and grown and grown and grown. We're in our like 20th year, and so during it was like maybe five years ago, he, it just got out of hand, like it was getting too big, and he needed help, and that was when I had gone through the divorce, and I like explained I'd been in business before, and I wanted a change, so he offered me, you know, a position to come and help him and run, so I run the business side of the soccer, and he runs the soccer side, and we're all throughout Manhattan, we, we do public classes in the parks and playgrounds, and then, like, now in the winter time, we rent space all around the city, and then we also partner with private schools and public schools throughout the city, and we do birthday parties and personal training, and we're starting a kids of all abilities program, and that's that's like our new initiative right now, and and then the spring we're expanding into actually into basketball too, BB Rock, we're calling Michael Hingson  56:29 it. Oh, that's cool. Well, you're doing a lot of different things, you speak, you're an author, you're an educator. We haven't talked about, I guess it's you work with Speaker 1  56:39 SUNY. I teach at the City University of New York, which is part of SUNY, and that work I really love. Yeah, Michael Hingson  56:47 tell, tell me about that. Then, Speaker 1  56:49 so they have an initiative, it's through the Manhattan Educational Opportunity Center, and SUNY provides grants for adult students returning who need to get their high school epilepticy, their GED. So I teach writing the writing section of the GED, and this I - these are the students I like the most, and I've taught at all levels, from freshman comp all the way up to graduate level MFA, and it's the GED adult student that I enjoy the most. So, I'll, when I, when I'm done with you, I actually will zoom up to Harlem, and I'll be teaching GED time tonight. Michael Hingson  57:35 Okay. Well, you're doing all of these different things. How do you keep yourself grounded, and how do you keep the creative juices going? Speaker 1  57:44 Well, that can sometimes be a challenge. Michael Hingson  57:46 I bet, Speaker 1  57:47 but I do. I exercise. That's one thing I really, I love to exercise, and I'm getting better at just taking time for myself, but I also feel like what I do isn't work, like I enjoy what I do, so I always try to bring a sense of gratitude to each day in that way. Michael Hingson  58:13 Yeah, well, and taking time for yourself is is important to do, and and now you have a teacup poodle to share it with, and I'll bet you guys have some interesting conversations. Speaker 1  58:26 Yeah, we sure do. She's a cutie, she's just lying on the little chair right over here. Michael Hingson  58:33 Yeah, my, my dog is over here on his bed, so he, he, he monitors me. Speaker 1  58:41 Yeah, she's been really good, because sometimes when I'm on the Zoom like this, she, she'll start to bark. She doesn't like paying attention to somebody else. Michael Hingson  58:48 Well, one of these days we'll have to end up in Manhattan and come and meet her. Speaker 1  58:54 That sounds Michael Hingson  58:55 be kind of fun. Speaker 1  58:57 That sure would. Michael Hingson  58:58 Well, so tell me, what's next for you? What do you envision going forward from here? Speaker 1  59:04 Well, my hope is actually, I would love, because there have so much fodder now, all these different stories, love stories. My hope is to launch a podcast, a Love Notes podcast that would feature the storyteller and their story, and then I would do an interview of the story behind the story, because people always have questions. They'll hear a story, or they'll read the story, and it's really short. It's like 700 or 1000 words, and they'll always want to know, like, well, what happened to them, or how did that end up. So I envisioned this podcast of love notes, real stories by real people about real love, and that would be like the the meat of it, and then they're at the end of each one, there'd be like a love letter, and people could write love letters that would be shared on the podcast, and tell Michael Hingson  59:55 me, Speaker 1  59:56 you know, like, dear Michael, this is why I love you, and then it would be a. Letter, so that's that's I'd like to see more satellite cities. I'd like to get the next edition of the book out, and then launch the podcast by Trifecta. Michael Hingson  1:00:13 Lots going on, needless to say. Well, if people want to reach out to you, talk about creating their own love notes, or as you said, you'd love to find people who want to help produce in various cities. How do they do that? Speaker 1  1:00:27 Well, probably the easiest thing to do is first, if they just want to learn more about the project in general, would just be to check out the website, and that's at www dot Love Notes worldwide.com and from there, then you can, you can get a hold of me, but I'll give my email address also, it's Heather at Heather Christy, C H R I s t i e books.com so either just hit the website or send me an email directly, and I, yeah, I'd love to talk to anybody who's got a story they want to share, or anyone who's thinking like maybe they'd love to bring a love notes to their community. Michael Hingson  1:01:19 Cool. Well, I hope people will reach out and that you'll get lots of interest from our podcast. It's a, it's a fun thing, and I hope that people will respond. So, all of you out there, email Heather. Speaker 1  1:01:34 That sounds great. And my last little plug: if anybody would love to watch the Love Notes show on January, february 14 for Valentine's Day. You can find that information on the website too. Michael Hingson  1:01:48 What I'm trying to remember, what day of the week february 14 is going to be in 2026 Speaker 1  1:01:53 It's a Michael Hingson  1:01:54 Saturday, great day to Speaker 1  1:01:57 do it. So you can watch it, and actually the live stream will stay live for a week, so if you're not able to watch it that night, you can watch it during the week. Michael Hingson  1:02:05 Oh, cool. Well, I hope people will do that, and I want to thank you for being here. But I want to thank all of you out there for being a part of this today. Heather has had a lot of interesting things to say, and I hope that you'll help her and help yourself by helping her to be more successful. I'd love to hear from you. We'd love to hear your thoughts. Please feel free to email me at Michael H i@accessibe.com that's M I C H A E L H I at Accessi B A C C E S S I B e.com We'd love it and would greatly appreciate it if wherever you are listening or watching the podcast, if you'll give us a five star review, but also, or a rating, but also give us a review. We love reviews, we appreciate reviews, and we really value all the people who have done it so far, and we ask that you do it again, or you do it for the first time. So, please let us know what you think by writing reviews. If you know anyone who ought to be a guest, we'd love it if you'd let us know. Heather, you as well. Anyone that you think ought to be a guest on Unstoppable Mindset, we would really love to be introduced. My belief is everyone has stories to tell, so don't be shy. We'd love to hear from you. But Heather, once again, I want to thank you for being here. This has been absolutely wonderful. Speaker 1  1:03:26 Thank you so much, Michael. It's been so much fun to talk to you this afternoon. Michael Hingson  1:03:32 What if the biggest thing holding you back isn't what's in front of you, but rather what you believe? Welcome to Unstoppable Mindset, where inclusion, diversity, and the unexpected meet. I'm your host, Michael Hingson, speaker, author, and advocate for inclusion and possibilities. This podcast explores how the beliefs we carry shape the way we live, lead, and connect with others each week. I talk with people who challenge assumptions, face adversity head on, and show what's possible when we choose curiosity over fear. Together, we focus on mindset, resilience, and the small shifts that lead to meaningful change. Let's get started, 1:04:24 I.

In this powerful Part 2 conversation, Kate is joined again by Bern Mendez, Dating and Relationship Coach - to go even deeper into the truth about men, love, and what so many women have been getting wrong.This episode isn't about changing who you are to “get the guy.” It's about understanding men in a way that actually creates connection - without abandoning yourself.Because so many women have been taught to decode men, fix men, or perform for men…instead of truly understanding how they operate, what they value, and what creates real attraction and safety from their perspective.Together, Kate and Bern break down the patterns that keep women stuck, the misunderstandings that create disconnection, and the truths men often don't say out loud - but deeply want women to know.In this episode, we explore:What men actually want (that they rarely say out loud)The biggest misunderstandings women have about menWhy “being independent” can sometimes block deeper connectionWhat makes a man feel safe, respected, and openThe truth about masculine vs. feminine dynamicsHow women unintentionally push men awayWhat creates real attraction vs. surface-level chemistryThe difference between a man being interested… and being investedWhat men wish women understood about their emotional worldIf you've ever felt confused, frustrated, or find yourself blaming men… this conversation is for you.Connect with Kate -https://www.theunscriptdwoman.com/About the Guest: Bern Mendez is a dating and relationship coach with 14 years of experience who helps accomplished women in midlife meet the love of their lives. His work draws from attachment research, somatic practice, and neuroscience. His YouTube channel is one of the twelve most-followed dating advice sources for women globally, with over 30 million views and 228,000 subscribers. He's coached women in 24 countries, from Fortune 100 executives to physicians, attorneys, scientists, therapists, and entrepreneurs, and he's been featured on CNN, HuffPost, Redbook, Univision, The Good Men Project, and MindBodyGreen. He coaches from his home base in Austin, Texas, and you can find him at bernmendez.com.About the Host:Kate Harlow is the founder of The Unscriptd Woman, the creator of The Expanded Love Coaching Method, and host of The New Truth podcast - ranked in the top 1.5% globally. With over 15 years of experience teaching, coaching and facilitating transformational retreats worldwide, Kate has helped hundreds of thousands of women break free from outdated relational patterns, old patriarchal ways of thinking and unspoken rules to live by. Her infallible methods guide women to release the deeply ingrained scripts that keep them stuck- empowering women to step into their highest, most magnetic, and fully expressed selves. Through her coaching, retreats, podcast and upcoming book The Unscriptd Woman, Kate is redefining what it means to be an empowered woman in today's world, showing women how to stop waiting for permission and start creating a life and love that aligns with their deepest truth. Known for her rare ability to see exactly where women are out of alignment with themselves, Kate offers a path back to unwavering self- trust, meaningful joy and true fulfillment. Her work is a revolution - one that liberates women from societal expectations and invites them into a life of radical authenticity, thriving relationships and unshakable self-worth. Website: https://www.theunscriptdwoman.com/The Immersion in Corfu, Greece April 26- May 3, 2026 https://www.theunscriptdwoman.com/the-immersionThanks for listening! It means so much to us that you listened to our podcast! If you would like to continue the conversation with us, head on over to our Facebook group, the New Truth Movement at https://www.facebook.com/groups/209821843509179/With this podcast, we are building an international community of The New Truth Movement.If you know someone who would benefit from this message or could be an awesome addition to our community, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode?Leave a note in the comment section below! Follow the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can follow the podcast app on your mobile device. Leave us a reviewWe appreciate every bit of feedback to make this a value-adding part of your day. Ratings and reviews from our listeners not only help us improve, but also help others find us in their podcast app. If you have a minute, an honest review on Apple Podcasts goes a long way! Thank You! Podcast Artwork Photo Credit: Photo by Tarja Ruuska https://www.instagram.com/tarjaruuska.photographyRoyalty Free Music: Bensound.com Artist/: Benjamin Tissot License code: 2S4NM4X7FZVPZP1E

Heartbreak is the thing most women spend their lives trying to avoid…and yet, it might be the very thing that leads you back to yourself.In this powerful conversation, Kate and Bernardo Mendez, well known YouTube, Dating & Relationship Coach - explore a completely different perspective on heartbreak - one that doesn't pathologize it, rush it, or try to fix it… but instead reveals the beauty, the wisdom, and the transformation inside of it.This episode is an invitation to stop seeing heartbreak as something that's gone wrong - and start seeing it as a sacred initiation into deeper love, truth, and self-connection.Because what if the pain you're feeling… isn't a sign you've lost something?What if it's a sign you're being guided somewhere more true?In this episode, we dive into:Why heartbreak is not a failure - but a powerful awakeningThe real reason letting go feels so painful (and what it's actually showing you)How to stop trying to “get over it” and instead move through itHow to turn your heartbreak into creative goldHeartbreak isn't here to break you, it's here to remind you of who you are and what's possible. The truth is, life will break our hearts over and over again - and every experience of heartbreak, is an invitation to connect deeper with your soul.If you're ready to alchemize your heartbreak - this episode is for you.Connect with Kate -https://www.theunscriptdwoman.com/About the Guest: Bern Mendez is a dating and relationship coach with 14 years of experience who helps accomplished women in midlife meet the love of their lives. His work draws from attachment research, somatic practice, and neuroscience. His YouTube channel is one of the twelve most-followed dating advice sources for women globally, with over 30 million views and 228,000 subscribers. He's coached women in 24 countries, from Fortune 100 executives to physicians, attorneys, scientists, therapists, and entrepreneurs, and he's been featured on CNN, HuffPost, Redbook, Univision, The Good Men Project, and MindBodyGreen. He coaches from his home base in Austin, Texas, and you can find him at bernmendez.com.About the Host:Kate Harlow is the founder of The Unscriptd Woman, the creator of The Expanded Love Coaching Method, and host of The New Truth podcast - ranked in the top 1.5% globally. With over 15 years of experience teaching, coaching and facilitating transformational retreats worldwide, Kate has helped hundreds of thousands of women break free from outdated relational patterns, old patriarchal ways of thinking and unspoken rules to live by. Her infallible methods guide women to release the deeply ingrained scripts that keep them stuck- empowering women to step into their highest, most magnetic, and fully expressed selves. Through her coaching, retreats, podcast and upcoming book The Unscriptd Woman, Kate is redefining what it means to be an empowered woman in today's world, showing women how to stop waiting for permission and start creating a life and love that aligns with their deepest truth. Known for her rare ability to see exactly where women are out of alignment with themselves, Kate offers a path back to unwavering self- trust, meaningful joy and true fulfillment. Her work is a revolution - one that liberates women from societal expectations and invites them into a life of radical authenticity, thriving relationships and unshakable self-worth. Website: https://www.theunscriptdwoman.com/The Immersion in Corfu, Greece April 26- May 3, 2026 https://www.theunscriptdwoman.com/the-immersionThanks for listening! It means so much to us that you listened to our podcast! If you would like to continue the conversation with us, head on over to our Facebook group, the New Truth Movement at https://www.facebook.com/groups/209821843509179/With this podcast, we are building an international community of The New Truth Movement.If you know someone who would benefit from this message or could be an awesome addition to our community, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode?Leave a note in the comment section below! Follow the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can follow the podcast app on your mobile device. Leave us a reviewWe appreciate every bit of feedback to make this a value-adding part of your day. Ratings and reviews from our listeners not only help us improve, but also help others find us in their podcast app. If you have a minute, an honest review on Apple Podcasts goes a long way! Thank You! Podcast Artwork Photo Credit: Photo by Tarja Ruuska https://www.instagram.com/tarjaruuska.photographyRoyalty Free Music: Bensound.com Artist/: Benjamin Tissot License code: 2S4NM4X7FZVPZP1E

In an age of constant change and uncertainty, how can we remain calm, centered, and able to respond wisely? Maisel shares how we can cultivate serenity not just in meditation, but in the thick of daily life. Serene readiness, Maisel explains, means being mentally and emotionally prepared for life's surprises while staying grounded in one's values and creative intentions. This dialogue offers a powerful reminder: Serenity is not withdrawal—it's readiness in motion.Eric Maisel is a retired, licensed psychotherapist and an internationally respected coach specializing in creativity, existential wellness, and relationship coaching. He trains coaches and offers workshops and webinars nationally and internationally. The author of more than fifty books, he also writes the long-running “Rethinking Mental Health” blog for Psychology Today and contributes to outlets such as The Good Men Project and Fine Art America. His books include:Night Brilliance: The Sleep Thinker's Guide to Powerful Problem-Solving (BTSL – Jim Dandy Publishing 2026)Brave New Mind: The Art of Serene Readiness (BTSL- Jim Dandy Publishing 2025)Choose Your Life Purposes: A Step by Step Guide to Self Awareness, Empowerment, and Success (TMA Press 2024)The Coach's Guide to Completing Creative Work: Top Tips for Working with Procrastination, Perfectionism and More (Lynda Monk) (Routledge 2023)The Coach's Way: The Art and Practice of Powerful Coaching in Any Field (New World Library 2023)Why Smart, Creative and Highly Sensitive People Hurt: A Toolkit for Thriving in a Chaotic World (TMA 2023)The Great Book of Journaling: How Journal Writing Can Support a Life of Wellness, Creativity, Meaning and Purpose (Conari Press 2022The Power of Daily Practice: How Creative and Performing Artists (and Everyone Else) Can Finally Meet Their Goals (New World Library 2020)Interview Date: 1/30/2026 Tags: MP3, Eric Maisel, serene readiness, visualization, deep breathing, self-criticism, life purpose, personal philosophy, procrastination, addiction to perfection, Personal Transformation, Psychology

Eric Maisel is a retired, licensed psychotherapist and an internationally respected coach specializing in creativity, existential wellness, and relationship coaching. He trains coaches and offers workshops and webinars nationally and internationally. The author of more than fifty books, he also writes the long-running “Rethinking Mental Health” blog for Psychology Today and contributes to outlets such as The Good Men Project and Fine Art America. His books include: • Night Brilliance: The Sleep Thinker's Guide to Powerful Problem-Solving (BTSL – Jim Dandy Publishing 2026)• Brave New Mind: The Art of Serene Readiness (BTSL- Jim Dandy Publishing 2025)• Choose Your Life Purposes: A Step-by-Step Guide to Self Awareness, Empowerment, and Success (TMA Press 2024)• The Coach's Guide to Completing Creative Work: Top Tips for Working with Procrastination, Perfectionism and More (Lynda Monk) (Routledge 2023)• The Coach's Way: The Art and Practice of Powerful Coaching in Any Field (New World Library 2023)• Why Smart, Creative and Highly Sensitive People Hurt: A Toolkit for Thriving in a Chaotic World (TMA 2023)• The Great Book of Journaling: How Journal Writing Can Support a Life of Wellness, Creativity, Meaning and Purpose (Conari Press 2022• The Power of Daily Practice: How Creative and Performing Artists (and Everyone Else) Can Finally Meet Their Goals (New World Library 2020)Interview Date: 1/30/2026 Tags: Eric Maisel, serene readiness, anxiety, emotional balance, self-awareness, imagination, personal responsibility, life purposes, breath exercises, cognitive exercises, emotional balance, habits of thinking, serenity, mindfulness practices, somatic practices, busyness, distractions, cognitive mind, heart mind, persistence, Personal Transformation

My guest today on the Online for Authors podcast is Tim Weed, author of the book The Afterlife Project. Tim Weed is the author of four books of fiction. His recent novel, The Afterlife Project, was named a best book of 2025 by Library Journal and the Toronto Star. He's won multiple Writer's Digest Annual Fiction Awards and his work has been shortlisted for the Eric Hoffer Book Award, the Tobias Wolff Award for Fiction, the Prism Prize for Climate Literature, the Fish International Short Story Award, the William Faulkner-William Wisdom Award for a Novel-in-Progress, the New Rivers Many Voices Project, and many others. His essays and articles have appeared in Writers Digest, Literary Hub, The Revelator, The Millions, The Writer's Chronicle, Talking Points Memo, The Good Men Project, and elsewhere.   Tim serves on the core faculty of the Newport MFA in Creative Writing and is the co-founder of the Cuba Writers Program. A former featured expert for National Geographic Expeditions, he spent the first part of his career directing international educational programs throughout Latin America and in Spain, Portugal, Australia, Iceland, and other locations around the globe.   He holds a BA in Spanish from Middlebury College, a master's in international affairs from the University of California, and an MFA in Creative Writing from Warren Wilson College. He occasionally leads international travel programs and appears often at writing conferences and other events in the U.S. and abroad.   In my book review, I stated The Afterlife Project is a dystopian science fiction by Tim Weed. I can honestly say I am shocked by how much I enjoyed this book. I tend not to like science fiction or dystopian literature. However, this one had me from moment one. Why? The characters! We get into the head of Nick, a microbiologist, who is now 10,000 years into the future due to the cataclysmic climate issues caused by humans. We also follow the last remaining members of the Centauri crew in 2068 - tasked with trying to save the species through a journal kept by Alejandra. We skip back and forth between the two time periods, always wondering if the human race survives.   Tim did an amazing job describing a world 10,000 years after it's destruction by humans - as well as what it would be like to live in a climate crisis - all without being preachy. He manages this by letting us see the world through the imperfect eyes of the characters. They make mistakes. They trust the wrong people. They believe in miracles that aren't likely to happen. They do the wrong thing for the right reasons. Just like you and just like me.   I couldn't put this book down and have already recommended it to several friends. It's a must-read!   Subscribe to Online for Authors to learn about more great books! https://www.youtube.com/@onlineforauthors?sub_confirmation=1   You can follow Author Tim Weed Website: https://timweed.net/ IG: @timweedwriter FB: @timweedauthor LinkedIn: @Tim Weed   Purchase The Afterlife Project on Amazon: Paperback: https://amzn.to/3OehfPL Ebook: https://amzn.to/49POn91   Teri M Brown, Author and Podcast Host: https://www.terimbrown.com FB: @TeriMBrownAuthor IG: @terimbrown_author X: @terimbrown1   Want to be a guest on Online for Authors? Send Teri M Brown a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/member/onlineforauthors   #timweed #theafterlifeproject #sciencefiction #dystopian #terimbrownauthor #authorpodcast #onlineforauthors #characterdriven #researchjunkie #awardwinningauthor #podcasthost #podcast #readerpodcast #bookpodcast #writerpodcast #author #books #goodreads #bookclub #fiction #writer #bookreview *As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Weight feels like one of those topics everyone has an opinion on, yet it's deeply personal for each of us. So, for this episode, Emily and Jill take the opportunity to dig into what it's like to navigate body changes in a world full of strong opinions, from the rise of GLP-1 medications to the stigma that can come with medical or surgical interventions.Jill opens up about her own journey with weight, body image, and ultimately deciding to have gastric bypass surgery, including what's shifted for her since, physically, emotionally, and socially. They also talk about the judgment people can face, how conversations about health often get reduced to discipline or willpower, and also zoom out to explore the bigger cultural messages about bodies and how therapists can support clients in talking about weight in ways that move beyond shame or “fixing.” Listen and Learn: Why shame, Yo-yo dieting, and a surprising therapy session insight led Jill to discover a life-changing path that transformed her health, mindset, and relationship with exerciseWhy the idea that weight loss tools are “cheating” reveals deeper cultural biases about bodies, health, and who gets judged for the choices they makeHow constant pressure on women's bodies may actually distract from power, health, and autonomy in ways most people never questionFocusing on values instead of weight loss goals to help you stop postponing the life you want to liveHow changing your relationship with cravings and “food noise” through psychological flexibility can make long-term weight loss maintenance more possibleResources: Jill's Website: https://jillstoddard.comConnect with Jill on Social Media https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNDJ6pR5PVGZSSzRFc556QAhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/jillstoddardphd/ About Jill Stoddard Jill Stoddard is passionate about sharing science-backed ideas from psychology to help people thrive. She is a psychologist, writer, TEDx speaker, award-winning teacher, peer-reviewed ACT trainer, bariatric coach, and co-host of the popular Psychologists Off the Clock podcast. Dr. Stoddard is the founder and director of The Center for Stress and Anxiety Management, an outpatient practice specializing in evidence-based therapies for anxiety and related issues. She is the author of three books: The Big Book of ACT Metaphors: A Practitioner's Guide to Experiential Exercises and Metaphors in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy; Be Mighty: A Woman's Guide to Liberation from Anxiety, Worry, and Stress Using Mindfulness and Acceptance; and Imposter No More: Overcome Self-doubt and Imposterism to Cultivate a Successful Career. Her writing has also appeared in The Washington Post, Psychology Today, Scary Mommy, Thrive Global, The Good Men Project, and Mindful Return. She regularly appears on podcasts and as an expert source for various media outlets. She lives in Newburyport, MA with her husband, two kids, and disobedient French Bulldog. Related Episodes:348. Sustainable Exercise with Michelle Segar326. Weight Stigma and Body Image with Sarah Pegrum264. Raising Intuitive Eaters with Sumner Brooks and Amee Severson231. Eating Skills and Emotional Eating with Josh Hillis151. Intuitive Eating with Evelyn Tribole93. Effective Weight Loss with Evan Forman77. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy with Jill Stoddard36. Weight Loss Strategies From Acceptance and Commitment Therapy with Jason LillisSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Does Narcissism Come and Go? What "Good Periods" With a Narcissist Really Mean This week's Fan Mail question comes from a listener in Dubai who writes: "Can narcissism in a person wax and wane? There's been years when my husband was acting like a narcissist, and then there's also been chunks of years where he's been incredibly supportive and uplifting. Can a narcissist change depending on their current situation?" In this episode, Dr. Kerry explains why narcissistic behavior can absolutely shift between good and bad periods and what those changes really means.Submit Your Question If you'd like your question addressed on air, send it here:

Slowly losing control in your relationship—but can't quite put your finger on what's happening?This week, Dr. Christine Cocchiola breaks down coercive control as the invisible foundation beneath all abuse. She explains why the savviest abusers never leave visible marks, how your world shrinks so gradually you don't notice until you're trapped, and why even trained professionals (like both Dr. C and Dr. Kerry) can miss coercive control in their own relationships. Learn how abusers weaponize connection itself, why "just leave" completely misunderstands the trap, and what it really means when someone can regulate their emotions perfectly—except with you. Follow on AppleFollow on SpotifyPODCAST EXTRA EXCLUSIVE SEGMENT Find the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuseMORE ABOUT THE PODCAST EXTRA INTERVIEW 

In this episode of The Healers Café, Manon Bolliger, speaks to Ken Blackman who discusses the dynamics of breakups, highlighting that anxiously attached individuals often initiate them. Blackman advocates for building relationships that provide mutual support, especially during challenging times, to foster long-term happiness and health. For the transcript and full story go to: https://www.drmanonbolliger.com/ken-blackman    Highlights from today's episode include:  Ken explains Chemistry vs. intimacy: A great relationship needs both spark and the safety to be fully yourself, not constantly "protecting the vibe." Ken explains Healthy breakup: A loving split sounds like "I see you, I get what you need, it's valid—but it's outside my range," with mutual respect, grief, and relief. Manon explains Real freedom: What feels most free is not many partners, but being completely yourself—"weirdness" and all—with one person who truly gets you.   ABOUT KEN BLACKMAN: A former Apple engineer turned relationship mindset coach and intimacy educator, Ken Blackman is currently celebrating his 25th year helping couples co-create a thriving, fulfilling life partnership and a gourmet love life. His work has garnered mentions in Business Insider, Playboy, Tim Ferriss's 4-Hour series, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. He's a regular featured contributor to The Good Men Project, Better Humans, and his own Medium publication, The Craft of Intimate Coupledom. Core purpose/passion: I think my superpower as a relationship coach is to be a translator and help them see and understand each other. I tend to listen and ask, listen and ask, until I feel like I see the world through one partner's eyes. Then I do the same with the other partner, listen and ask until I see the world through their eyes. Then I help them see each other. Sometimes translation; is just saying to one partner exactly what I heard the other say, but as though I'm speaking to the most important, honorable person in the world, whom I have the highest regard for. –  Facebook |  Instagram |  Medium  |  Website |  BlueSky | Threads    ABOUT MANON BOLLIGER, RBHT, FCAH: As a retired Naturopath 1992-2021, I saw an average of 150 patients per week and have helped people ranging from rural farmers in Nova Scotia to stressed out CEOs in Toronto to tri-athletes here in Vancouver. My resolve to educate, empower and engage people to take charge of their own health is evident in my best-selling books:  'What Patients Don't Say if Doctors Don't Ask: The Mindful Patient-Doctor Relationship' and 'A Healer in Every Household: Simple Solutions for Stress'. and What if Your Body is Smarter than You Think?  I am the Founder & CEO of The Bowen College Inc. which teaches BowenFirst™ Therapy and holds transformational workshops to achieve these goals. So, when I share with you that LISTENing to Your body is a game changer in the healing process, I am speaking from expertise and direct experience". Mission: A Healer in Every Household!   For more great information to go to her weekly blog:  http://bowencollege.com/blog.  For tips on health & healing go to: https://www.drmanonbolliger.com/tips Follow: Manon Bolliger website  | Linktr.ee | Rumble | Gettr  | Facebook | Instagram | YouTube | Twitter | LinkedIn | Follow: Bowen College Inc. | Facebook | Instagram  | LinkedIn | YouTube | Twitter | Rumble | Locals ABOUT THE HEALERS CAFE: Manon's show is the #1 show for medical practitioners and holistic healers to have heart to heart conversations about their day to day lives. Subscribe and review on your favourite platform: iTunes | Google Play | Spotify | Libsyn | iHeartRadio | Gaana | The Healers Cafe | Radio.com | Medioq | Audacy | Follow The Healers Café on FB: https://www.facebook.com/thehealerscafe   Remember to subscribe if you like our videos. Click the bell if you want to be one of the first people notified of a new release.   * De-Registered, revoked & retired naturopathic physician after 30 years of practice in healthcare. Now resourceful & resolved to share with you all the tools to take care of your health & vitality!

"My coworker is a narcissist—and so is our boss. What happens when two narcissists have to work together?" This week's Fan Mail question comes from a YouTube listener who writes: "Thank you for all your content! Very helpful. I am curious to know - what tends to happen when 'a narcissist meets a narcissist' - meaning they are introduced to each other, are coworkers or need to cooperate with each other in some way or even end up being partners? Are there any patterns to or are there typical characteristics/outcomes to this dynamic? Might they not be aware that they are both narcissists?" In this episode, Dr. Kerry breaks down what really happens when two highly narcissistic people enter each other's orbit—whether they fast-bond over shared grandiosity, descend into brutal competition for dominance, or manage an ice-cold alliance for mutual benefit. She explains the collusion-to-competition pipeline, why narcissistic couples can look magnetic but feel exhausting, and why most narcissists will never see themselves the way they see each other. Submit Your Question If you'd like your question addressed on air, send it here:

Why do loving parents sometimes push away the very children they'd do anything for? This week, Catherine Hickem joins Dr. Kerry to unpack one of the most painful dynamics in modern families—parental estrangement. We explore how unspoken expectations create invisible walls, why parents mistake control for connection, and how grief work (yes, grief work) is the secret to letting your adult children become who they actually are, not who you needed them to be. PODCAST EXTRA EXCLUSIVE SEGMENT Find the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuseMORE ABOUT THE PODCAST EXTRA INTERVIEW 

 Ever wonder why betrayal feels so devastating—like more than just cheating?  This week, Hope Ray joins Dr. Kerry to introduce the concept of betrayal violence: the intersection of infidelity and abuse that most people don't recognize. We explore how sexual secrets create hidden power dynamics through deception, gaslighting, and exploitation—stripping partners of their consent and autonomy.PODCAST EXTRA EXCLUSIVE SEGMENT Find the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse MORE ABOUT THE PODCAST EXTRA INTERVIEW 

"My partner has traits of both covert and overt narcissism—is that possible?" This week's Fan Mail question comes from a podcast listener who writes: "Can a person be both a covert and an overt narcissist? I'm hearing the descriptions of each and my partner has traits of both." In this episode, Dr. Kerry breaks down the confusing language around narcissistic types—what "covert" and "overt" actually mean (hint: they describe symptoms, not people), why your partner can absolutely show both presentations, and most importantly, why the type matters far less than the pattern of harm you're experiencing. Submit Your Question If you'd like your question addressed on air, send it here:

Ever wondered how someone can exploit you sexually while you still love them?This week, Pamela Takefman joins Dr. Kerry to explain how sexual coercion works—and why it doesn't always require kidnapping or obvious physical force to be real. We discuss how exploitation can unfold in marriages, spiritual communities, and high-status celebrity circles (including public conversations like the P. Diddy case).Learn how perpetrators gradually test boundaries until extreme exploitation feels normal, and why loving your abuser doesn't mean the abuse isn't real.PODCAST EXTRA EXCLUSIVE SEGMENT Find the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuseMORE ABOUT THE PODCAST EXTRA INTERVIEW 

Ever wonder why your in-laws rallied around your abusive partner instead of protecting you?This episode explores one of the most painful dynamics in narcissistic abuse: when families choose to protect the abuser and paint YOU as the problem. We revisit a past interview with Rossana where she shares her firsthand experience of this dynamic along with a Fan Mail listener who experienced something similar. In this special episode, we'll revisit the six psychological reasons why loving families can transform victims into villains, why "closing ranks" happens, and what you can do when you're caught in the crossfire of toxic family loyalty. PODCAST EXTRA Next week, the Podcast Extra exclusive interviews will return. SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT All Substack paid subscribers now receive immediate access to the Toxic-Free Relationship Club, which includes: • Invitation to the monthly Q&A with Dr. Kerry • Quarterly club-wide events featuring narcissistic abuse experts • Weekly newsletter with exclusive insights •

If you've been dragging some of last year around with you, or you've been feeling that strange mix of excitement and pressure that shows up every January, this episode is calling your name. Closing out the year, the POTC cohosts are bringing you a conversation about how creativity can be a lifeline, a mindset shift, and a really enjoyable way to start 2026 feeling more like yourself.Walking you through simple ways to reflect on the past year, we share some creative exercises that spark real insight and explore how tuning into your creative side can help you make meaning, connect with people, and better handle the tough stuff life throws at you. If you're craving more joy, connection, or just a new angle on the year ahead, you're bound to find something that resonates.So settle in, and join us in starting the year with intention, curiosity, and a little touch of creativity.Listen and Learn: Reflection Exercises, including: Finding Meaning: Reflecting on the past year, where were you last New Year's, and what were your biggest highs and lows since thenMeaningful Moments: Reflecting on two or three meaningful moments from the past year and vividly recalling the sights, sounds, and feelings of each experienceLessons, Wins and Moving Forward: Reflecting on your past year to uncover lessons from mistakes, celebrate achievements, and clarify what truly matters to you as you move into 2026Vision for the Year Ahead: Reflecting on what you truly want, the areas you've neglected, and the values you want to prioritize in the year aheadHow incorporating creative, life-affirming activities can boost your well-being and help you navigate life's challengesPractical exercises and tips to spark more creativity in your life in the new yearResources: Access the New Year's Reflection Questions from this episode (.pdf or editable MS Word versions available) Debbie's Guided Journaling Substack with writing prompts and a 30-day journaling challengeYear Compass worksheets: https://yearcompass.com/Word of the Year and Unravel Your Year worksheets by Susannah Conway: https://www.susannahconway.com/unravel Creative Mornings: https://creativemornings.com/ Jill | Betrayal Weekly: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/jill-betrayal-weekly/id1615637724?i=1000726003078 If you have a story connected to trauma, crime, or someone who's caused harm—and you feel ready to share it—Jill would love to hear from you. You can book a free 30-minute consult at:https://jillstoddard.com/contact-us About the POTC CoHosts: Debbie Sorensen, PhD, Co-hostDebbie (she/her) is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Denver, Colorado with a bachelor's degree in Psychology and Anthropology from the University of Colorado, Boulder, and a Ph.D. in Psychology from Harvard University. She is author of the book ACT for Burnout: Recharge, Reconnect, and Transform Burnout with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and co-author of ACT Daily Journal: Get Unstuck and Live Fully with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. She loves living in Colorado, her home state, with her husband, two daughters, and dog. When she's not busy working or podcasting, she enjoys reading fiction, cooking, traveling, and getting outdoors in the beautiful Rocky Mountains! You can learn more about Debbie, read her blog, and find out about upcoming presentations and training events at her webpage, drdebbiesorensen.com.Jill Stoddard, PhD, Co-hostJill Stoddard is passionate about sharing science-backed ideas from psychology to help people thrive. She is a psychologist, writer, TEDx speaker, award-winning teacher, peer-reviewed ACT trainer, bariatric coach, and co-host of the popular Psychologists Off the Clock podcast. Dr. Stoddard is the founder and director of The Center for Stress and Anxiety Management, an outpatient practice specializing in evidence-based therapies for anxiety and related issues. She is the author of three books: The Big Book of ACT Metaphors: A Practitioner's Guide to Experiential Exercises and Metaphors in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy; Be Mighty: A Woman's Guide to Liberation from Anxiety, Worry, and Stress Using Mindfulness and Acceptance; and Imposter No More: Overcome Self-doubt and Imposterism to Cultivate a Successful Career. Her writing has also appeared in The Washington Post, Psychology Today, Scary Mommy, Thrive Global, The Good Men Project, and Mindful Return. She regularly appears on podcasts and as an expert source for various media outlets. She lives in Newburyport, MA with her husband, two kids, and disobedient French Bulldog. Michael Herold, Co-HostMichael (he/him) is a confidence trainer and social skills coach, based in Vienna, Austria. He's helping his clients overcome their social anxiety through Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and fun exposure exercises. (Though the jury is still out on whether they're mostly fun for him). He is also a certified therapeutic game master, utilizing the Dungeons&Dragons tabletop roleplaying game to train communication, assertiveness, and teamwork with young adults. Or actually, anyone ready to roll some dice and battle goblins in a supportive group where players want to level up (pun!) their social skills. Michael is the head coach of the L.A. based company The Art of Charm, running their confidence-building program “Unstoppable” as well as workshops on small talk, storytelling, vulnerability, and more. He is the scientific advisor and co-producer of their large podcast with more than 250 million downloads. As a member of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS), Michael is the current President of the ACT Coaching Special Interest Group with nearly 1,000 coaches worldwide, and the co-founder of the ACT in Austria Affiliate of ACBS, a nationwide meetup for ACT practitioners in Austria. He's a public speaker who has spoken at TEDx, in front of members of parliament, universities, and once in a cinema full of 500 kids high on sugary popcorn. In a previous life, he was a character animator working on award-winning movies and TV shows such as “The Penguins of Madagascar” and “Kung Fu Panda”. That was before he realized that helping people live a meaningful life is much more rewarding than working in the film business – even though the long nights in the studio allowed him to brew his own beer in the office closet, an activity he highly recommends. Michael grew up with five foster kids who were all taken out of abusive families. His foster sisters showed him how much positive change is possible in a person if they have the love and support they need.Emily Edlynn, PhD, Co-HostEmily (she/her) is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in pediatric health psychology who works in private practice with children, teens, and adults. She has a BA in English from Smith College, a PhD in clinical psychology from Loyola University Chicago, and completed postgraduate training at Stanford and Children's Hospital Orange County. Emily spent almost ten years working in children's hospitals before pivoting to private practice, which allowed her to start a writing career. Emily has written her blog, The Art and Science of Mom, since 2017 and a parenting advice column for Parents.com since 2019. Emily's writing has also appeared in the Washington Post, Scary Mommy, Good Housekeeping, Motherly, and more. She recently added author to her bio with her book, Autonomy-Supportive Parenting: Reduce Parental Burnout and Raise Competent Confident Children and has a Substack newsletter. Emily lives with her husband, three children, and two rescue dogs in Oak Park, IL where she can see Chicago's skyline from her attic window. Yael Schonbrun, PhD, Co-hostYael (she/her) is a licensed clinical psychologist who wears a number of professional hats: She has a small private practice specializing in evidence-based relationship therapy, she's an assistant professor at Brown University, and she writes for nonacademic audiences about working parenthood. She has a B.A. from Washington University in St. Louis, a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Colorado, Boulder, and completed her postgraduate training at Brown University. In all areas of her work, Yael draws on scientific research, her clinical experience, ancient wisdom (with an emphasis on Taoism), and real life experiences with her three little boys. You can find out more about Yael's writing, including her book, Work, Parent, Thrive, and about her research by clicking the links. You can follow Yael on Linkedin and Instagram where she posts about relationship science or subscribe to her newsletter, Relational, to get the science of relationships in your email inbox!Related Episodes: 410. Creativity and Making Things with Kelly Corrigan and Claire Corrigan Lichty345. Writing for Personal Growth with Maureen Murdock211. Subtract with Leidy Klotz73. Essentialism with Greg McKeown257. The Gift of Being Ordinary with Ron Siegel 37. Post-Traumatic Growth with Diana and Debbie375. Midlife: From Crisis to Curiosity with Meg McKelvie and Debbie Sorensen 285. What Do You Want Out of Life? Values Fulfillment Theory with Valerie Tiberius 351. You Only Die Once with Jodi Wellman 138. Exploring Existence and Purpose: Existentialism with Robyn Walser 329. The Power of Curiosity with Scott ShigeokaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Can a psychopath be a good person? And how do we spot dangerous people when they seem so charming? This holiday special brings you an in-depth answer to one of your most-asked questions with highlights from Dr. Kerry's interview with Tara Blair Ball about the Dark Triad Personality.  We explore why dangerous people don't look scary, how we underestimate predatory behavior through "positive projection," and the critical difference between niceness and kindness—especially important to remember during the holiday season. CHAPTERS0:38 Can Psychopaths Live Morally?7:09 Narcissism, Psychopathy & Machiavellianism Explained10:09 Why We're Attracted to Arrogance & Confidence13:04 The Stages of Moral Development17:45 The Mask of Sanity: Nice Doesn't Mean Good22:48 The Light Triad: The Opposite of Dark PersonalitiesPODCAST EXTRA This week, there is no exclusive Podcast Extra interview. Instead, we're offering this special holiday edition to ALL Substack subscribers as our gift to you!  This is the perfect time to join our community. SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT All Substack paid subscribers now receive immediate access to the Toxic-Free Relationship Club, which includes: -Invitation to the monthly Q&A with Dr. Kerry -Quarterly club-wide events featuring narcissistic abuse experts -Weekly newsletter with exclusive insights Find the Substack newsletter and join the community here: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse 

"How do I know if I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship?" asks a YouTube listener. In this episode, Dr. Kerry explains why even asking this question is an important sign of possible trouble. Dr Kerry will outline what emotional abuse actually looks like (hint: it's not about one-off incidents—it's about patterns) and why you might feel like you're shrinking or walking on eggshells.  Abusive relationships turn people into a functional object instead of letting them shine as a fully autonomous and complex person. Submit Your Question If you'd like your question addressed on air, send it here:

Ever felt like you're the problem in your family—even when you're the one being hurt?This week, Ágatha Peters joins Dr. Kerry to explore how cultural expectations and family loyalty create the perfect conditions for narcissistic abuse to thrive undetected. We discuss why narcissism often goes unnamed in non-Western cultures, how the scapegoat role becomes nearly impossible to escape when the entire community reinforces it, and why leaving isn't just about one relationship—it's about losing your entire world. PODCAST EXTRA EXCLUSIVE SEGMENT Find the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here.MORE ABOUT THE PODCAST EXTRA INTERVIEW 

You dodged a bullet!" No—the bullet hit me. I just survived.This week's Fan Mail question comes from a YouTube listener who writes: "People tell me I dodged a bullet. But the bullet hit me—I just survived. I feel like it turned me into a monster. The PTSD caused me to start reacting more strongly to smaller triggers and even did abusive things myself in what I felt was self-defense."In this episode, Dr. Kerry addresses why "you dodged a bullet" feels so wrong, what survivor's guilt really is, why up to 75% of narcissistic abuse survivors develop PTSD, and how to make peace with the protective parts of yourself that helped you survive—without exiling them. Submit Your Question If you'd like your question addressed on air, send it here: 

Can a psychopath be a good person? And how do we spot dangerous people when they seem so charming? This holiday special brings you an in-depth answer to one of your most-asked questions with highlights from Dr. Kerry's interview with Tara Blair Ball about the Dark Triad Personality.  We explore why dangerous people don't look scary, how we underestimate predatory behavior through "positive projection," and the critical difference between niceness and kindness—especially important to remember during the holiday season. PODCAST EXTRA This week, there is no exclusive Podcast Extra interview. Instead, we're offering this special holiday edition to ALL Substack subscribers as our gift to you!  This is the perfect time to join our community. SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT All Substack paid subscribers now receive immediate access to the Toxic-Free Relationship Club, which includes: -Invitation to the monthly Q&A with Dr. Kerry -Quarterly club-wide events featuring narcissistic abuse experts -Weekly newsletter with exclusive insights Find the Substack newsletter and join the community here: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse 

Why do some men prefer a fantasy to a woman in their lives?Connor Beaton, founder of ManTalks, joins Aaron to discuss how emotional suppression affects men, the role of pornography as a coping tool, and why talk therapy often isn't enough. Connor breaks down what it means to process pain somatically, the importance of male friendships, and why breakdown can be essential to becoming free. A powerful conversation about what it means to be a man today.OUR GUESTConnor Beaton is the founder of ManTalks, an international organization focused on improving the lives, relationships, and leadership of men. Connor is also the author of the best selling book Men's Work, host of a top ranked podcast and works with men who are looking to lead themselves and their lives more effectively. Since founding ManTalks, Connor has spoken on stage at TEDx, with Lewis Howes, Gary Vaynerchuk, and has been featured on platforms like the United Nations, Forbes, Huffington Post, The Good Men Project, CBC and the National Post.CONNOR BEATON

This week's Fan Mail question comes from a Spotify listener: “Can you please do an episode on scapegoat children?”Why do some people get scapegoated, especially in families? Dr. Kerry explains the role of the scapegoat and how families use this person to address systemic stress and dysfunctional. Submit Your Question If you'd like your question addressed on air, send it here:

Ever wonder why you didn't see the danger coming?This week, Dr. Leslie Dobson joins Dr. Kerry to unpack the psychological mechanisms that drive narcissistic and antisocial behavior—where they overlap, where they differ, and how they show up in relationships. We explore how predators groom their victims, why the legal system struggles to address coercive control, and the subtle tests that reveal danger long before violence occurs. PODCAST EXTRA EXCLUSIVE SEGMENTFind the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse MORE ABOUT THE PODCAST EXTRA INTERVIEW

Dr. Les Carter has spent decades studying narcissists, and in this retrospective, he reveals what most people miss until it's too late.Narcissists seem so perfect at first—charming, attentive, interested in everything about you. But something felt off, didn't it? We revisit five groundbreaking conversations about what's really happening behind the mask: why they can't feel regret, how they gather information like they're building a case file on you, and the warning signs that someone is presenting 'as if' they're safe when they're anything but.Get a glimpse into the weekly Substack newsletter with this week's complimentary copy. Sign up today using this link: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse Dr. Carter may have produced his last video, but his wisdom continues on his YouTube channel, Surviving Narcissism: https://www.youtube.com/@SurvivingNarcissismThank you, Dr. Les Carter, for all your wonderful work. You have made the world a more lovely, enlightened place.DR. LES CARTER is a retired clinical psychotherapist, best-selling author, and expert on narcissistic abuse who hosts the popular YouTube channel "Surviving Narcissism". With over 40 years of experience in private practice, he is a specialist in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder, helping people understand and heal from narcissistic abuse. Stay in Touch With Dr. Kerry!YoutubeInstagramTikTokFacebookMore About Dr. KerryKerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the BreSubmit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!Support the showDisclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

“Is the Dark Triad a real disorder—or just a dangerous type?”This week's Fan Mail question comes from a listener in Germany who writes after a recent video:“You called ‘dark triad' a personality disorder, but it isn't in the DSM-5. Isn't it a subclinical descriptor?”In this episode, Dr. Kerry clarifies what is the Dark Triad and why we need to get better at spotting this type of personality. Submit Your QuestionIf you'd like your question addressed on air, send it here: 

Ever feel like you're slowly running out of air in a “nice” relationship?This week, Eleni Sagredos joins Dr. Kerry to unpack how coercive control hides behind charm and “preferences,” and why it's so hard to spot until your autonomy has been chipped away. We trace the subtle dynamics that slowly worsen an abusive power imbalance. PODCAST EXTRA EXCLUSIVE SEGMENTFind the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here.MORE ABOUT THE PODCAST EXTRA INTERVIEW 

“My son's in a toxic marriage—how do we help without making it worse?”This week's Fan Mail question comes from a listener in Raleigh, North Carolina:“My adult son is in a toxic marriage with a likely narcissist. He's miserable, says he wants out, but stays—partly because of their three young kids. How can we support him when he shares the emotional abuse without pushing or making things worse?”In this episode, Dr. Kerry explains how best to support a loved one who's being abused—especially when it's your son. Learn what helps and what will make things worse.Submit Your QuestionIf you'd like your question addressed on air, send it here:

Ever feel like you can't find “you” anymore? That you're second-guessing everything, going numb, or swallowing your words just to keep the peace?This week, psychologist Dr. Shahrzad Jalali joins Dr. Kerry to unpack how long-term emotional abuse scrambles your nervous system, erodes self-trust, and leads to identity confusion—and what actually helps you get “you” back. We trace the early red flags, why we repeat familiar patterns, and the body-level toll (sleep, gut, jaw, hypervigilance) that keeps you on edge. PODCAST EXTRA EXCLUSIVE SEGMENTFind the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here.MORE ABOUT THE PODCAST EXTRA INTERVIEW 

“My abuser claims he's ‘trauma bonded' to me…Can that be true?This week's Fan Mail question comes from a listener on YouTube who wants to know how common it is for an abusive partner to be trauma bonded. Hers claims to be. She's wonders if this true or if her partner is attempting to dodge responsibility. Submit Your QuestionIf you'd like your question addressed on air, send it here: 

“Can narcissists or psychopaths ever live moral lives?”This week's Fan Mail question comes from a listener who asks: “Do you think there are some narcissists or psychopaths who genuinely try to live moral lives—perhaps guided by religion or conscience—or are they all just pretending?”Her question was prompted by years of watching her ex, a man she believes to be a malignant narcissist, play the part of a “righteous” and religious man in public while being manipulative and cruel in private.In this episode, Dr. Kerry explores the complex intersection between moral development, conscience, and personality disorders.Submit Your Question If you'd like your question addressed on air, send it here:

Ever wonder why you keep attracting the same kind of person—the ones who feel magnetic at first but end up draining you emotionally?This week, therapist and author Jessica Baum, creator of Anxiously Attached and SAFE: An Attachment-Informed Guide to Building Secure Relationships, joins Dr. Kerry to explore the hidden attachment wounds that pull us toward toxic partners. Podcast Extra Exclusive InterviewFind the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here.More About the Podcast Extra Interview

“How can someone seem loving for years—then suddenly turn cruel?”This week's Fan Mail revisits a letter that struck a nerve with listeners. A woman wrote about her daughter-in-law, who had seemed like a wonderful addition to the family for seven years—until she “suddenly turned into a monster.”But after the episode aired, Dr. Kerry received another listener's response who offered the opposite perspective: “I was in a 23-year marriage marked by coercive control and escalating abuse. My in-laws adored me—until I began calling out my husband's behavior. Then they rallied around him and turned on me.”In this episode, Dr. Kerry unpacks six possible explanations for why someone may seem to “suddenly change” in a relationship or family dynamic.Submit Your QuestionIf you'd like your question addressed on air, send it here: 

Deidre Sirianni's BIO:  Deidre Sirianni is an International Best Selling Author, TEDx Speaker, and Founder of Radically Aligned Life Academy where Impact Driven Entrepreneurs, Visionaries, and Leaders come to master their inner world and make a bigger impact in the world with their gifts. She helps people who are ready to step into higher levels of leadership and impact the world, release self-sabotage, heal trauma, and go all in on their vision and purpose without compromising when it comes to matters of the heart. She believes the foundation of success and fulfillment comes from stepping into Radical Alignment in all areas of life. Her work has been featured in: Alive Magazine, Novus TV, The Good Men Project, Impact Festival, Addicted To Success Magazine and more where she talks about fulfillment, purpose, impact, entrepreneurship and leadership.   In this episode, Virginia and Deidre talked about: Why Deidre chose entrepreneurship  How Deidre helps people tell their story to grow their business.  Creating alignment in business and life  How Deidre is building her business    Takeaways: Decide who you want as a client and go for it Every success requires a price. What are you willing to give up?  We need to give ourselves permission to evolve. When you support someone else to achieve their goals, they naturally want to support you. Stages lead to stages if you play your cards right.   Connect with Deidre on her social media accounts to learn more about her work and insights into networking effectively: LinkedIn URL : https://ca.linkedin.com/in/deidre-sirianni-a2a27528 Facebook URL : https://www.facebook.com/radicallyaligned/ Instagram URL : https://www.instagram.com/iamdeidresirianni/   Connect with Virginia: https://www.bbrpodcast.com/

Ever feel blindsided by someone who seemed charming, helpful, or even caring—only to realize later they were quietly dismantling your peace?This week, conflict expert Bill Eddy, author of The Five Types of People That Ruin Your Life, joins Dr. Kerry to unpack the five high-conflict personality types most likely to cause chaos in relationships, workplaces, and families.Podcast Extra Exclusive InterviewFind the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here. More About the Podcast Extra Interview 

“Why does my ex always blame me when the kids want nothing to do with him?”This week's Fan Mail comes from a listener in Rochester, New York, who writes about the heartbreak of watching her children pull away from their abusive father, only to be blamed for it.Her ex insists she's turned the kids against him, while his family defends him as “such a good man” who's “done so much for us.”In this episode, Dr. Kerry explains how emotionally immature and abusive individuals deflect accountability, making others feel guilty for the natural consequences of their own harmful behavior.Submit Your QuestionIf you'd like your question addressed on air, send it here: 

Ever feel like your relationship was the most intoxicating connection of your life—only to discover shocking lies and betrayal later?This week, intimacy expert Gary Katz reveals how narcissists protect themselves by keeping secrets, building false connections, and manipulating trust—and why survivors are often left questioning their own instincts.Podcast Extra Exclusive InterviewFind the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here.More About the Podcast Extra Interview

What do you do when the evidence points to betrayal, but your partner insists you're crazy?This week's Fan Mail comes from a listener in Atlanta, Georgia, who describes the heartbreak of suspecting her husband of nearly 50 years is living a double life. Despite finding suspicious phone activity and even an STD clinic reference, her husband denies everything—blaming and belittling her instead.In this episode, Dr. Kerry unpacks the signs of DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender), explains why being called “crazy” is psychological abuse, and shares what to do when you feel destabilized by betrayal trauma. She also offers practical next steps—from documenting evidence to protecting digital privacy—to help regain clarity and safety.Submit Your QuestionIf you'd like your question addressed on air, send it here:

Jenifer DeBellis, MFA, is a PhD candidate, transformational speaker, and award-winning author of Warrior Sister, Cut Yourself Free (Library Tales Publishing), New Wilderness (Cornerstone Press), and Blood Sisters (Main Street Rag). She edits Pink Panther Magazine and hosts the Restore Your Inner Warrior® podcast. She's featured in Psychology Today and her writing appears in CALYX, Medical Literary Messenger, The Good Men Project, Solstice, and elsewhere.In This EpisodeJenifer's websiteJenifer's booksWarrior Sister, Cut Yourself Free: A Survivor's Guide to Healing from Assault & Abuse with Courage & HopeBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-trauma-therapist--5739761/support.You can learn more about what I do here:The Trauma Therapist Newsletter: celebrates the people and voices in the mental health profession. And it's free! Check it out here: https://bit.ly/4jGBeSa———If you'd like to support The Trauma Therapist Podcast and the work I do you can do that here with a monthly donation of $5, $7, or $10: Donate to The Trauma Therapist Podcast.Click here to join my email list and receive podcast updates and other news.

Predators are often hiding in plain sight—and even the smartest, most capable people can miss the red flags. In this episode, Dr. Kerry McAvoy talks with Sarma Melngailis, the former restaurateur whose story was told in Netflix's Bad Vegan. Sarma opens up about how she was manipulated, criminalized, and misrepresented—and why her memoir The Girl with the Duck Tattoo finally tells the truth. Together, Kerry and Sarma unpack why predators are so difficult to spot, how they exploit our best traits, and the steps survivors can take to heal after betrayal. Resources Mentioned • Sarma's memoir: The Girl with the Duck Tattoo: The Girl with the Duck Tattoo • Follow Sarma: on Instagram: @sarmamelngailis • Sarma's Substack: Sarma Melngailis on Substack• Dr. Kerry's book: Love You More: The Harrowing True Story of Lies, Sex Addiction, & Double Cross Podcast Extra Exclusive Interview Find it here in the exclusive interview and weekly newsletter:

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!This week's Fan Mail brings us two powerful questions: • From Syracuse, New York: “The family referee took my custody and handed it over to the father who was absent for years. My children have been separated from their siblings, and I'm only allowed one hour a week of visitation. The court won't let me present my evidence, and I feel silenced and helpless. What can I do?” From Wichita, KansasAnd from Kansas City, Missouri, a listener asks: “How do I get access to the Podcast Extras?” In this episode, Dr. Kerry tackles both concerns. First, she validates the heartbreak of a mother caught in post-separation abuse reinforced by the family court system.Then, in response to the Wichita and Kansas City listeners, Dr. Kerry explains how to access the Podcast Extras—exclusive deep-dive interviews with leading experts on narcissistic abuse recovery. Submit Your QuestionIf you would like your question addressed on air, please respond here.Stay in Touch with Dr. Kerry!YoutubeInstagramTikTokFacebookMore About Dr. KerryKerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.Support the show

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!Join Dr. Kerry McAvoy on Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse for real talk about toxic relationships and recovery. Mondays feature expert interviews, Thursdays bring our new Fan Mail Q&A. Get clarity, validation, and tools to heal.Stay in Touch with Dr. Kerry!YoutubeInstagramTikTokFacebookMore About Dr. KerryKerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.Support the show

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!Disclaimer: This interview features perspectives from a male divorce coach navigating toxic dynamics. While some views expressed differ from those of trauma-informed psychology, I found it valuable to explore these tensions in real time. Please listen with care, and note that I challenge certain assumptions as we go. This week, I sit down with Josh Tomeoni, a divorce coach who shares his story of what he describes as abuse within his long-term marriage. Josh opens up about the male experience of toxic relationships, why so many men don't recognize emotional abuse, and how cultural expectations of masculinity shape their response to conflict and vulnerability.Podcast Extra Exclusive InterviewFind it here in the exclusive interview and weekly newsletter: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuseMore About the Podcast Extra InterviewWhat happens when a man says he's been emotionally abused?In this exclusive interview, Josh explores how some men frame abuse differently—and what that reveals about cultural conditioning.Get immediate access to this extended conversation—and hear where I draw the line between “toxic” dynamics and true abuse.

Jocelyn Jane Cox joins Let's Talk Memoir for a conversation about the challenges and guilt around caretaking, her childhood experience as a competitive figure skater, telling a story in the structure of a day, using the directed “you” in a book, writing about what has shaped us and played a role in the story we are trying to tell, using Post-It Notes, ordering our backstory, listmaking a low pressure way to get material on the page, as the process of adding and subtracting, exploring divisions within ourselves, developing and exploring metaphor in our narratives, and her new memoir Motion Dazzle: A Memoir of Motherhood, Loss, and Skating on Thin Ice.  Also in this episode: -reducing page count -relying on Beta readers -the silver tsunami   Books mentioned in this episode: -Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Wolf -On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong -The Art of Memoir by Mary Karr -Fast Draft Your Memoir: Write Your Story in 45 Hours by Rachel Herron   Jocelyn Jane Cox joins Let's Talk Memoir for a conversation about Motion Dazzle: A Memoir of Motherhood, Loss, and Skating on Thin Ice.  Jocelyn Jane Cox holds an MFA in Creative Writing (Fiction) from Sarah Lawrence College. She competed in the United States Figure Skating Championships with her older brother Brad four times (twice in pair skating and twice in ice dance). She has been coaching kids, teenagers, and adults in both skating and writing for over 25 years. Her creative nonfiction was included in the anthology Awakenings: Stories of Body Consciousness, edited by Diane Gottlieb (2023). Among other publications, her work has appeared in The New York Times, Slate, Newsweek, Good Men Project, WIRED, Belladonna Comedy, The Offing, HAD, Cleaver, Litro Magazine, Literal Latte, and Colorado Review. Her fiction has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize. She lives with her son and husband in the Hudson Valley of New York.   Connect with Jocelyn: Website: https://www.jocelynjanecox.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jocelynjanecoxwriter/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JocelynJaneCoxWriter BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/jocelynjanecox.bsky.social   – Ronit's writing has appeared in The Atlantic, The Rumpus, The New York Times, Poets & Writers, The Iowa Review, Hippocampus, The Washington Post, Writer's Digest, American Literary Review, and elsewhere. Her memoir WHEN SHE COMES BACK about the loss of her mother to the guru Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh and their eventual reconciliation was named Finalist in the 2021 Housatonic Awards Awards, the 2021 Indie Excellence Awards, and was a 2021 Book Riot Best True Crime Book. Her short story collection HOME IS A MADE-UP PLACE won Hidden River Arts' 2020 Eludia Award and the 2023 Page Turner Awards for Short Stories.  She earned an MFA in Nonfiction Writing at Pacific University, is Creative Nonfiction Editor at The Citron Review, and teaches memoir through the University of Washington's Online Continuum Program and also independently. She launched Let's Talk Memoir in 2022, lives in Seattle with her family of people and dogs, and is at work on her next book. More about Ronit: https://ronitplank.com Subscribe to Ronit's Substack: https://substack.com/@ronitplank Follow Ronit: https://www.instagram.com/ronitplank/ https://www.facebook.com/RonitPlank https://bsky.app/profile/ronitplank.bsky.social   Background photo credit: Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash Headshot photo credit: Sarah Anne Photography Theme music: Isaac Joel, Dead Moll's Fingers