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Christian College Sex Comedy: Part 20 Zane s Assembly In 30 parts, By FinalStand. Listen to the podcast at Explicit Novels.             Running into a wall is bad, having it fall on you is worse but not being missed is the worst         Since I had mastered the moment so successfully with conversation I shut the hell up and took the crowd toward my room. Halfway up the stairs I expected Jill to call out but it didn't happen. I counted myself lucky, handed out fresh t-shirts to Paris and Leigh, only to have Paige regale them for fifteen minutes about all the female swag I had in my dorm room, from female silk robes in a variety of lengths and colors to thongs and dog collars. Girls should not look at me and lick their lips; it is scary because I thought that men went to college to chase women, not the other way around. Back at the start of the year, I knew that I was such a Man-Stud that I'd pick up more than my fair share too. I now have multiple women in my life and one day soon I hope to chase one down and call her my own, provided the other women let me. "We will see you later," Leigh gave me a sexy nudge with her hip. I nodded and promptly made sure my windows were locked. They had the annoying habit of being unlocked with glowing neon signs outside that said "Kappa Sigmas enter here". This time I was ready for them. I was also on the ball enough to know that when none of the Kappa Sigmas were upset by my action, that indicated there was something going on that I was clueless about. I was hardly convinced to let my guard down by the limited conversation the three sorority sisters and I had as I escorted them out of the house and kissed them goodnight. I diverged to the dryer to warm up Paris and Leigh's shirts. I kissed Aunt Jill goodnight as well. She gave me a bemused, maternal look as I headed back to my room before my 'bed time'. I must have looked like I felt, pretty exhausted. I joined Iona and Paige in the bathroom where we went through the nightly routine before heading for bed. They stripped slowly; I crawled into bed fully clothed and was feeling rather clever with myself. "No, you don't," Paige insisted. "Zane," Iona gave an angelic smile, "you have to do what you feel comfortable with but this is a matter of trust between us." Was Iona beating me up with a variation on the argument I'd used on Vivian a few hours ago? I was definitely undecided so Iona brushed my lips with hers. "It's okay." The only thing worse than being manipulated is being manipulated with sincerity. I shucked my clothes and shot them to the foot of the bed. I took in the view of Paige and Iona stripped out of their bras, then panties. Paige even made a little game of it, shooting her panties at my head. She missed so I snatched them as they sailed past. Paige flashed me a wicked grin as I did so. "Hey, Zane," she purred. Paige put her knee on the bed, followed by the other, so that she was standing on her knees. "Hey," Iona mimicked from the other side. Together, they sensually flowed toward me and each other. When they were settled against my hip they looked down and smiled. "You both look lovely," I sighed dreamily at my slightly-built beauties. They graced me with a smile once more before looking into one another's eyes. Then they kissed, and after that they really kissed, and several steamy seconds later the girls extended their right hands to their opposite's breast. They rolled their tits beneath their palms. I would have wept at this point but it would have been unmanly. When their left hands joined in the fun I nearly lost it. Did I mention they hadn't stopped kissing yet? It was hard enough that I was intimately familiar with their bodies, head to toe. I was the first man either of them had put lips to lust with (discarding Paige's grade school fiascoes). I had licked, teased, and plucked those nipples they were now so readily fondling. I had placed them naked in bed with other women and beheld their first steps into a far more sexually dynamic life than a strict fundamental Christian life would have deposited them in. I would have continued to wax poetic on the vision above me but the horror of my decision to sleep with both their naked bodies without sex was grinding my happiness into despair. "Oh, wow," Paige giggled, "it's throbbing on his stomach." She was referring to my cock. If it had something larger than a series of nerve clusters, my cock would have been screaming at me, questioning my sanity and demanding a passionate reason I wasn't mounting them both, drilling them hard, and going back for seconds, and thirds. They both leaned down onto one arm before reclining to their sides. "Good night, Zane," Iona whispered. She kissed me on the lips, rather chastely, then rolled over so that her back was to me. She wiggled her ass tight against my thigh because, you know, I have a thing for asses. "Sweet dreams of me," Paige gave a sultry roll of the voice. She rested her head on my shoulder and languidly placed her right arm on my chest and her right leg on my groin. Her hand came to rest on the top of my sternum while her knee covered my balls and the base of my cock. My sexual organ gave her limb a sympathetic throb. Paige sighed pleasurably, enjoying the torture she was putting me through. My right arm cradled Paige and drew her tighter. She kissed my chest with a feather-light touch. My left arm draped around Iona with my wrist being poked by her left nipple (it was still aroused by Paige's attentions) while my fingers coasted along her stomach. I drummed my hand on her abdomen; Iona snuggled in deeper and gave me a delightful little murmuring noise. That was enough to send me off to sleep and I was grateful. If I hadn't been asleep I knew I was going to stick my cock into something, even if it was an electric outlet. I couldn't screw Iona and wouldn't sex up Paige because she would never let me get over having broken down and nailed her in defiance of my own word. What woman doesn't want to think her body can drive a man to forgo his honor? Again, she would never, ever let me forget it. I wasn't sure how long I'd been asleep when I heard my bedroom door open. I wasn't sure what Jill would want this late but that wasn't a problem. The first one through the door was Leigh but Paris and Ricky Frasier snuck in right behind her. I need to invest in some home defense apparatus, things like pit-traps, trip-wires, and nests of feral Chihuahuas. "Don't worry, Zane," Leigh whispered. "We are here for Paige." "Ah," I grunted. Paige stirred next to me, rolled onto her back, and smiled at the newcomers. "We won't need you tonight," Paige assured me. "This is all-girl." "I see; I need to go back to campus and spank Barbie Lynn, Opal, and Brandi's bottoms until they glow red," I growled. They had turned Paige onto the whole lesbian orgy theme. "Hold on," I begged the girls as they began stripping. I rapidly moved to the closet, pulled down two comforters and two pillows for Iona and I to use as a bed. I set things out and Iona gave me one of those sleepy, sweet, innocent smiles and joined me on the floor, a comforter as a mattress and the other as a cover. I quickly became obvious to me that the object of Leigh, Paris, Ricky's and Paige's fun wasn't to have intercourse with one another but to drive me nuts. It wasn't ego talking here; statistically, an ass, calf, or grinning head pops over the same side of bed you are on only so many times before it becomes enemy action. It was working too; I was rock hard and sleep was escaping me. Sadly, fate intervened, to my detriment. In movies you often see couples roll out of bed, say 'ow,' then go back to passionate love-making. Paris came off the bed with a squeak; me, I felt a stomach-churning pain and a soundless scream escaped my lips. Paris' knee had come straight down on my nuts and impacted them into the hardwood floor with only a thin quilt providing any absorption. Paris' playful grin and giggle turned into fear as she saw my face. "Zane?" she whispered, "Sorry?" "Zane, are you okay?" Iona inquired at my side. Paris backed off me, allowing me to wheeze and roll over in a ball facing Iona. Iona cradled me in her arms. "Zane, what's wrong?" she worried. I wasn't articulate at the moment but Paris was. "Oh, God," she gasped. "I landed on his nuts." Paige and Leigh immediately poked their heads over the bed, appearing in my peripheral vision. I heard Ricky padding around from the other side of the bed. "Damn it," Leigh moaned. "Now what are we going to do?" "How about show a little sympathy?" Iona grumped at the others. I know her heart was in the right place but pulling me tight to her bosom with a nipple resting on my upper lip didn't do my damaged genitalia any good. There was a light, coastal breeze off Madagascar calling for my cock to get hard once again and damn me if it wasn't answering. The resulting pain was describable, similar to having my testicles used by an 800 pound gorilla to sink the cue ball on a Carom billiards table. And damn if that bastard wasn't determined to get it done no matter how many attempts it took. Next time some psychopath stares me dead in the eyes and asks if I've ever prayed for death, I can match his gaze and say 'Hell yes.' "Leigh, get some ice," Paige whispered. "Paris, go to the bathroom down the hall and get some ibuprofen and salve. Iona, help me get him back on the bed." The girls hurried off quietly, for which I was thankful. I was equally thankful that Iona and Paige were so gentle in moving me off the floor and onto the bed, and yes, I hammed it up a bit. Once the rush of taking charge of events passed, Paige began to flash me guilty looks. This was definitely her plan and she'd miscalculated the body motion dynamics of three women playing sex games on a queen-sized bed. "I, I apologize," Paige admitted. "This was my fault." I was somewhat more than stunned. "Okay," I gasped. "Flesh heals but memories are forever." "That means you are going to get me for this," Paige realized. "I'd buy a seat cushion if I were you, Ms. Spanky-bottoms," I tried to joke, but the pain got in the way of my laughter. Paris padded back in with a pill bottle, a foil tube, and a glass of water. She handed the pill bottle to Paige and the water to Iona. When Paris started unscrewing the top to the salve, things became difficult. "Paris," Iona grumbled, "why do you get to put the cream on his balls? It was your knee that caused his pain." "I know," Paris whimpered, "and I want to make it up to him." Paige popped the pill cap and handed me two ibuprofen; Iona propped me up. I took the pills and she put the water to my lips. "I'll take care of it," Iona insisted. "My plan, my fault, I'll take care of it," Paige countered. "Take care of what?" Leigh panted as she slipped into my bedroom with a bowl of ice. "Massaging Zane's poor crushed nuts," Ricky murmured. "If I've hurt him permanently, I'll never forgive myself," Paris moaned piteously. Was she more afraid of my promise to get her back or the other ladies' retaliation for the maiming I'd gone through? "I said I would take care of it," Paige insisted. "No, I think I will take care of it, if no one minds," I ground out. The implication was that if they didn't let me medicate my massive melons of masculine might, I'd come after them all, in thirty or so minutes when I could freely move once again. It took me a second to realize that no one was arguing with me. "Ricky, could you please get a damp hand-towel from the bathroom," Iona requested. Ricky looked confused so Iona added, "We can't put the ice cubes directly on his scrotum unless we really do want to take him to the emergency room." "Oops, sorry," Ricky sounded embarrassed. "That makes sense. I'll be right back." When Ricky left, Paige and Iona reclined on either side of me. "Hold on," I requested. "I'd like to give Paris a hug." Iona scooted first, letting Paris crawl on all fours over my body. I gave her a kiss with as much strength as I could exert. "I," she mumbled. "We were playing a game and it was an accident. I already feel somewhat better," I assured her. "Besides, I'm pretty sure I have yet to fuck you to orgasm and that's not a challenge my cock takes lightly." Paris wept and collapsed onto my chest. I lay back, head on a pillow, so I could stroke Paris' hair. When Ricky returned I struggled around Paris to kiss her and Leigh as well. I also took the opportunity to coat my scrotum with the salve, which instantly cooled my pain, then started heating damaged parts up. Leigh applied the towel holding the ice gently to balance out the sensations. We hugged, confirmed our date for Saturday night, and parted ways. Iona, Paige, and I returned to the bed and tried to get back to sleep. This time we kept our limbs to ourselves, though we remained close. I waited a while before surrendering to my dreams. A decision was reached internally that the next time I took Iona out for a quiet weekend, I would have to make it somewhere off the beaten path, somewhere in Appalachia no doubt. Iona gave me a precious, sleepy smile as I climbed out of bed in the morning. I looked at her heavy eyes, questioning her intent, when she pulled my pillow into her chest and drifted off into slumber once more. Paige was dead to the world, undoubtedly wrapped up in the remorseless rest of the Damned. I was able to dress uninterrupted and glide downstairs to find Jill already up and puttering around. I was about to find out what she had heard last night. "Good morning, Zane. Are you feeling better?" Jill asked. "Feeling better?" I questioned. "Your, you know, down there, are you feeling better?" she clarified somewhat. I imagine my jaw dropped because she looked at me with an obvious amusement. "How did you know?" I finally responded. "Oh, Iona came to my room last night and explained the situation as well as apologizing for the disruption," Aunt Jill explained. "She's a very forthright and honest young lady, and she doesn't currently have a fianc either." "What, whoa, wait a second, Jill," I stammered. Things were going way too fast for me. "How is it you are okay with two girls sleeping in my bedroom and three more coming over when three months ago we couldn't even discuss sex at all and its only place was in the marriage bed? What happened that I missed?" "Zane," Jill sighed patiently, "when God closes one door he opens another. I had to accept that my life with Tim was over and I had to move forward with my life with you. That means I am going to get more mileage out of counseling you as opposed to dictating abstinence." "And you have this epiphany after you burn all the stuff I brought back from Thailand," I groaned. "We both did things we probably regret," she reasoned. "You've been talking to Iona, or more likely, Iona's been calling you," I began piecing it together. "After you told me about what those girls were making you do, like crawl around on your knees, I tried to get some of your classmates to tell me what was really going on," Jill related. "Iona was the only one who would talk to me and she and I have communicated pretty regularly since then," Jill finished. "She's a truly sweet girl and I think you two make a cute couple." In case you are wondering, there is no good response to that statement. "She tells me you are interested in that 'Christina' girl. She's, elegant," which was Jill's way of saying Christina wasn't a 'humble Christian girl' like Iona. Something in that train of thought made me put a few other faces to the descriptor 'elegant'. "Is that why you didn't like Mom, Dad, and, well, was Uncle Tim snobby as well, elegant?" I mused. Jill stopped looking in the fridge were she was figuring out what we'd be having for breakfast. "Yes," Jill said quietly. Tim hadn't wanted to marry Jill; he'd wanted to marry Jill's older sister, Kathryn. Jill matched herself against Mom, the free spirit, and Dad, the joker, who were both sophisticated Devil-May-Care people born of wealth and privilege. In a way, Tim was from the same background, except that he ended up arrogant and emotionally distant. Of course, Tim had to grow up with Granddad, who was a real peach, and my Dad, who was always larger than life, always doing whatever task their father put before him and always going one step beyond. Worse, Dad always had the courage to be himself. Dad was the brilliant rebel, the Prodigal Son who was always welcomed back home; Tim was the plodding workhorse. The best example of this was the first time each of them ran away from home. Tim ran away to the tree house in the backyard at the house in Wyoming. The first time Dad ran away, he ended up in Hawaii. When the FBI caught him, he was working in a Japanese restaurant, stock-piling Australian dollars, and had a map of the Great Barrier Reef. Now that I think of it, I must get my nuttiness from Dad. "Jill, I'm sorry Tim wasn't the husband you deserved," I told her softly. I rested a hand on her shoulder and she backed into me. I wrapped my arms around her from behind. "Thank you, Zane," she told me in a soft voice. She looked out of the window over the sink for a few seconds. "Do you think we should get a pool?" Jill broke the silence. Huh? "Who are you and what have you done with my Aunt Jill?" I teased her. It took a second for Jill to get it but when she did, she laughed. "Wait," she teased back, "would I be a clone, an alien, or, what were those things I heard about, oh, pod-people?" "I think you are the Pink Power Ranger," Paige snickered from my elbow where she had materialized mysteriously from the ether. Jill squeaked and spun around while I was busy putting my heart back in my chest. Jill struggled out of my arms, blushed, and went back to the fridge. "Did I interrupt something?" "Yes; my desire to live a longer life," I coughed. "Now that we have the useless pleasantries out of the way, what I really want to know is if all the equipment is in working order," Paige smirked. I thought of a smarmy reply, an angry reply, and even ignoring her, but another idea won out. "Hey, Babe," I whispered in a husky voice to Paige as I stepped into body contact with her, "it hurts a little right now but thanks for asking. I'm glad you are watching out for me." I drew a line with right hand along her collarbone and shoulder to her neck and finally circling her ear. "Oh," Paige gulped. Her eyes grew wide. "Of course, Zane. I want to watch out for you, I care." I let my arms drape around her and linked them up at the small of her back, pulling her tight to me. Paige slipped her arms beneath me and did likewise, with the added gesture of placing her ear to my chest. Iona slipped into the kitchen as she did so. She gave me a cute wave, side-stepped us, and went to help Jill. I figured from Iona's actions that she was going to keep Jill busy getting the four of us breakfast, so I took Paige's right hand in my left and led her out into the hall. As I headed for the porch in the back, someone came through the front door, attempting to be stealthy. It was Leigh; I'd clearly caught her doing something wrong. "Yes?" I questioned. She looked to Paige then back to me. "I forgot to return your keys," Leigh evaded. "What are you doing with my keys?" I sounded a bit cross. Paige squeezed my hand tightly, expressing her own tension. "Paige gave them to me to use last night," Leigh gulped. "You are hopeless as a conspirator," Paige growled at Leigh. I took a deep breath instead. I was going to have as little stress in my morning as possible. "Please give them to Iona in the kitchen, Leigh," I sighed. A quick look to Paige showed her that I wasn't angry so she didn't resist as I resumed our journey. Out on the porch I took a large, cushioned, low-swung wooden chair and sat down. "It's cold out here," Paige shivered. I responded by pulling her into my lap. It took her a moment to figure out what to do with herself. She settled on sitting sideways with her left arm over my shoulder and her head laying on top of it. It took twenty-five minutes for Iona to come out and get us. "Breakfast," Iona said. I looked at her curiously, trying to judge how she was taking the loss of the time promised to her this weekend. She winked and went back inside so I guessed everything was okay and our weekend postponed. "Do you want to go inside?" I gently inquired of Paige. "Two more minutes," she whispered. I kissed her on the head and listened to the breeze in the leaves, the birds chatting in the trees, and her breath on my neck. Slowly her head rose after the two minutes had passed and she was staring at me, or rather at the side of my head. "Yes?" I asked, as I turned and looked into her eyes. "You are so dumb," she whispered. Paige kissed me with a tenderness that bespoke a depth of passion that I had not fully realized. "I wouldn't trade this moment for anything in the world," I breathed back. "I would have been better off if I had turned away that very first day I saw you," she got around to responding. I knew she was saying that she could come up with no quick strategy for getting Christina out of the way and that perplexed her. I had to do something. "Don't forget to get that seat cushion," I joked. She seemed a bit cross, then grinned. "If I let you do something else to my bottom will you forgive me?" she teased me with a sensual ass wiggle. "Really?" I perked up. Paige wouldn't consider anal sex before now, though I was all for it. "No!" she giggled. Paige leapt off my lap and raced inside. I made a grab for Paige with no intent of ensnaring her, she was having too much fun being pursued, and pursue I did. "Help me!" Paige squealed. "Help me; he's trying to get my bottom!" So much for any sense of decorum, I sighed. Paige made it to the dining room and quickly was using Leigh as a shield. Jill looked at me quizzically while Iona gave a weary sigh and looked heavenward for guidance. "So, Leigh, are you joining us for breakfast?" I obfuscated the crisis. "Yes," Leigh hesitated. "Your Aunt Jill is thanking me for finding your keys." "If that is okay with you, Zane?" Jill demurred. Huh, and by that I mean, since when has my opinion in this household been sought or even obeyed? "If it pleases you, Jill, I wouldn't mind eating Leigh", I had a slip of the tongue, "I mean eating with Leigh." Leigh's eyes sparkled and Jill totally missed the implication (I assumed because 'eat' a girl made no sense to her sexually repressed mind.) Iona gave my arm a light slap. "Have a seat, Leigh," Jill smiled in a way I wasn't familiar with; it was almost like she was content. The resulting meal of country ham, grits, and cantaloupe was simple but satisfying. We were all hot, sweaty, and laboring for breath. Had we been in bed and undressed, the situation would have been perfect. Instead, we were in my workout room, working out. I had allowed an hour to digest our meal but now we were finishing my daily physical regimen. Paige and Leigh were on their backs, staring at the ceiling and cursing the fact that I was finishing up my final exercise. Iona was on her stomach on the mat next to me, moaning softly. I seriously considered insisting that Paige and Iona take up a sport. Leigh was another story, but I'm sure I could get Tawny, her sorority president, to get her to do something strenuous, that didn't involve me and sex. "I have given up any hope of ever fucking you to death, Leigh panted as she looked my way. "Thanks," I grinned back. "Without the help of several sisters," Leigh gasped as Paige lazily smacked her on the stomach, "to wear you down first. I don't know how Barbie Lynn can walk after those marathon sessions with you." "It usually involves screaming out to God multiple times and a long nap afterwards," Iona groaned. "So," Leigh sat up, "have either of you," "Hammered me through the sheets, and I swear I blacked out as I came," Paige boasted wearily. "Umm," Leigh purred, "good memories." Have I left the room? Should I hand out customer satisfaction surveys? "That night was fantastic, wasn't it?" Iona sighed. "Three damn orgasms I'll never forget, and then there was Rio and her devilish fingers," Leigh murmured happily. "Wait! Iona, you and Zane, Rio too?" Paige propped herself up. "He was a very gentle gentleman," Iona declared. "Oh," taunted Leigh to Iona, "I recall you doing quite a savage dance on the tip of his tongue." Iona blushed and Paige gawked. "So that three-way with you and Barbie Lynn wasn't your first time, well, what do you know?" Paige mused. "All this physical stress has me thirsty," Leigh stated. "Yes, I think a protein drink is in order," Paige agreed, and winked at me. "Oh, hell no!" I defended myself. "Me, no sex weekend, remember?" "But, Zane," Iona rolled over and batted her eyelashes at me, "it was so sweet and salty." "Iona," I nearly wept. "I apologize, Zane," Iona pouted. "I was only teasing." "I can always hope to soak up some of that sexual energy at 12:01 Sunday night," Paige sighed. "Nope, sorry, going out with Heaven Sunday night," I informed them. "Oh, pooh," Iona grumped. "She'll drain him alright." "Is Heaven really that good?" Leigh seemed curious. "Let's not have this discussion," I stood up. I was ignored of course. "Oh, he goes at her five, six, seven times a night," Iona stated. "She walks funny the next day too." "How come there is never any footage of them together?" Leigh persisted. "You would think with that much sexuality and the howling she made from our towel closet at the party that there would be something on his site." "I am not going to be part of this discussion," I repeated as I made for the door. "Now I'm taking a shower." For a group of girls who couldn't stand a minute ago, they clearly were capable of nearly killing me as they stampeded for the shower, women. Before Iona and I got in, I held her back by the arm. "Five, six, seven times, walks funny the next morning, I'm sure Heaven will like that," I whispered. "I thought a little embellishment couldn't hurt," Iona smiled with an earnestly pure face. She knew Heaven's nature and would help conceal it until Heaven decided it was no longer necessary; Iona was that kind of best friend. "Do you ever get tired picking up after my shipwrecks?" I had to ask. "Come on, Zane," Paige called from inside the shower as the water cascaded down on her and Leigh. I decided that keeping them occupied was my best bet to keep the volume down. As I pulled the curtain aside, I caught a glimpse of Iona behind me, shaking her head 'No'. Undercover  Underage Willa was waiting for Valarie and I when we arrived. She had strategically placed her bike at a break between the groups of hotel units so she could quickly duck out of sight. I had no desire to do anything stupid like get in a fight. She rested on the seat of her ride. I was following Val's advice so I pulled up some distance away and kept to the middle of the parking lot because you never knew what could come popping out a door. I approached alone, again, I didn't want to freak Willa out any more than she already was. "I've got a line on those IDs," she greeted me. I'd asked her for some fake IDs so me and some of the girls could get into clubs. "Yeah," I said deadpan, "I'm sure you did." She keyed on my mood but didn't outwardly react. How should I handle this? "Willa, you are an undercover cop," I sighed. "I don't know who you are with and I don't care. I don't want to cause you trouble, I simply want a favor." Willa rocked off her ride and took a few steps toward me. "Asshole," she growled, "that isn't funny. I ought to fucking slap you like the punk-ass bitch you are." "You won't, you are a cop and that's still assault because I'm not threatening you or threatening to blow your cover so that your life would be at risk," I related. Seeing Willa's consternation, I explained. "Valarie has been through this a time or two." "Zane, I'm not a cop and I'm not kicking your ass because you are a cute guy, but stop screwing with me," Willa changed up her defense. "Fine," I shrugged. "I'm going to have a talk with Belle. I'm sure she will believe me. I felt I owed you a chance because you are a law enforcement officer and you are risking your life for me, the general public." "Don't go to Belle," Willa reached out and put an arm on my bicep. "It doesn't matter that your idea is a load of crap; Belle will tell Deacon and then I'm screwed." "Willa, you can walk away from this situation whenever you want," I told her. "Belle can't. This is her life and I'd prefer she not die living it." "Zane, you hadn't even met her before Thursday night." she groused. "That's pretty much what I said," Valarie finally chimed in. "I'm only here because Zane doesn't know anyone else who could be relied on to keep their mouth shut." "You don't believe this crap about me being a Fed, do you?" Willa joked. "Absolutely," Valarie said without hesitation. "Zane is crazy but he's spot-on when dealing with women. Case in point: Zane took that little fluff with him to the bathroom while peeling off Rio's girlfriend, a black belt in Karate, to guard me. He knew he would get you bitches to give Rio up, though he didn't have a plan going in. If he tells me you are a cop, you are a cop." I clearly had Willa flummoxed. After a minute in silence I shook off Willa's hand and turned for my car. I stopped when I had the door open. "I'm going to see Belle at the Fallout Shelter tonight," I said. "If you do something to stop me, I'll make sure Tara knows, and while she and Belle have problems, they are twins and she won't let her sister do serious time." "I'm not confessing to anything but I think there is something you should know. Deacon Baker served with Belle's husband and brother-in-law. Her brother-in-law ran the Warlords chapter but he and his brother got caught up in an ATF sting. They wrapped up Belle's husband but before they could grab the brother, who could tie up the whole criminal enterprise, he vanished. He was last seen with Deacon," Willa explained. "Deacon didn't wait around to see if the guy would stay loyal; he removed the threat," Willa added. "If he thinks I'm a threat, he'll have me removed too." "Cry me a river," Valarie rolled her eyes. "You are sticking your nose where it doesn't belong." "I'm not a damn cop," Willa snarled. "Where are you from?" I asked Willa. I caught her off-guard but she snapped back soon enough. "Tampa Bay, Florida," she shot off. "Nope. I think you are from Wisconsin or Minnesota, it's your skin complexion and the way you roll some of your consonants off your tongue and lips," I said. Willa's eyes narrowed. Now she was pissed. "Are you going to shoot us with the 9mm at your back or help Zane out'?" Valarie sounded bored. "This is totally wrong," Willa persisted. She tried to stare me down but I could see something inside give way. "I'm not saying I am an undercover cop but if I was, what would you want?" "Give Belle as much shelter as you can. Hopefully she ends up with probation," I offered. "What is in it for me?" Willa sighed. "What can I do for you?" I answered. "Do you know who took out Deacon?" Willa inquired. "Yes," I replied. I could feel Valarie's head snap behind me and her eyes bore into the back of my head. "Who was it?" Willa increased her intensity. "I would tell you but I like living without the benefit of life support," I joked. "I'd cry bullshit, damn you, except I saw the beating they took and that scares the crap out of me," Willa grumbled. "Okay, Zane, if you ever get the chance to tell me, do so." "Deal," I agreed. "Great; we are all friends," Valarie stated sarcastically. "Now fuck his face, suck his cock, and we can get going; I have to eat dinner with my sister, Dad, and the cunt he married." "What?" I glared at Valarie. "No way!" Willa declared. "Listen, bitch, you are going to need to describe what it feels like on your tongue from the ball-sack to the tip of his cock," Valarie lectured. "I've seen a video," Willa countered. "And you are such a bang-up storyteller that the 18-year old boy genius ID'd you in two minutes, or have you missed the last ten minutes of your life?" Valarie mocked her. "He seems to be the exception," Willa noted. "The average girl that attracts Zane's attention can do calculus in her head, and the one who can't is his family," Valarie responded. "Now consider his interest in Belle; she's probably a poor girl raised in a college town. That means she could have gone to college but was already soured on the whole establishment idea by a string of college fuck wads. Her sister went on to become a Law-dog that busts UV assholes all day long; Belle became an ass-kicker who flaunts her body at a bar frequented by the very higher education types that screwed with her in high school," Valarie continued. I wasn't sure how much of this Val was fabricating but it didn't matter. "Now she dangles her forbidden fruit in front of them, yet none ever get a taste, am I wrong?" Valarie queried. "You see an outlaw biker and think they are too lazy or stupid to get a real job. I see someone who wants to do their own damn thing, you don't fuck with us and we don't fuck with you." "Belle is smarter than you think she is, Willa, or whoever you are. If you don't think you are fucked yet, consider this: When was the last time Belle gave a college guy the time of day, much less walked one out of a beat-down dictated by her chapter president?" Valarie smirked. "Zane had me fighting side-by-side with him against half of the FFU faculty and students so I can attest to his peculiar form of magic." "Fuck," Willa growled. "Now, get on your knees and blow him so we can all go about our business," Valarie rumbled back. "I'm still in the midst of a no-sex weekend so I'm going to say 'No'," I intervened. "Can't we just shake and part as friends?" Willa tried. "At least kiss him," Valarie suggested. "Val, stop it. We have some level of understanding and that's good enough for now," I told her. I was checking on Valarie's okay so I only saw Willa's closure at the last moment. One look into her eyes told me she was deceiving herself that this was going to be a quick kiss to get it over with. Our lips met and my hands found their way to her hips. I pulled her to me without trapping her. A few seconds later she broke the kiss. I could read the confusion in her eyes. Her plan was to do it and be done but her impulse was to come back again. She kissed me again but his time, her tongue caressed my lips and I let it slip in. After that, I really couldn't stop myself from kissing her back intensely. Soon my lips wandered to her cheeks, chin, and neck before nibbling on an ear until she moaned and thrust up against my body. "Ugh, ah, fuck," Willa moaned. "It has been too damn long." I rotated us around, pressing Willa's back against my car. I lowered my body down Willa's, nibbling and tickling with my tongue as I did so until I was chewing on the top of her low-cut t-shirt. "You are not happily married, are you?" I inquired between a tongue stroke and some suction. "Umm, ah, no." she replied. "Why do you ask?" "I don't want you to do something you'll regret," I answered before working my way back up her throat. Willa lolled her head back, extending her throat for my attention. "Nope," she gulped with sexual tension, "no one at all." That was my cue to work with both hands to pull her shirt out of her jeans. That done, I let my fingers roam under the shirt and caress the flesh of her stomach. "Oh, stop that, no, wait, don't stop, yessss," Willa moaned. When her shirt was high enough, I began working over her tender flesh. She was clearly getting into it but I wanted more from her. I popped the button on her jeans and unzipped them. Willa's underwear was appropriately lacy. I pulled the panties down as I peeled the jeans open until I could make out her finely trimmed landing strip. I kissed along the line from her cunt fur to her hip bringing forth a hearty moan of pleasurable release. My fingers made small circles back to her ass, squeezing both cheeks and rubbing them together. Willa was stroking the top of my head and lightly yanking on my hair. I took that to be a positive endorsement of my efforts so far. When I started back up her body, Willa spread her legs wide apart and coaxed me along. I got to the base of her bra; I could sense her nervousness so I stopped pushing up her shirt there and went back to her shoulder. I had just made it back to Willa's lips when Valarie cleared her throat. "Excuse me, but I do have somewhere else to be," Valarie teased us. Willa had to reorient herself. The look she gave me was somewhat accusatory but happily, it transformed into some level of understanding. "Damn, you are sexy," she purred. She rested her elbows on my shoulders and looked me over with sensuality on her lips. "I mean, you really are sexy and I want to do this again, and we didn't even have sex yet," Willa grinned. "What makes you think we are going to have sex? Don't we have a professional relationship?" I mused. Willa reacted by putting more pressure on my shoulders, then hopping up so she could put her legs around my waist. "I kinda-sorta owe you," she gave me a wicked look. "Besides, you might like it." I had to dissuade her somehow; my life had far too many complications to get this close to the Warlords right now. "I don't know, Willa. I like lots and lots of anal sex," I cautioned her. I figured that would buy me some space. "Oh," she grunted, "I love it. A big cock like yours would feel fantastic in my ass," she added with a deep pant. Wow, that backfired spectacularly. Maybe I should inform her that I've been called needle cock by women who know me well. To add insult to injury, Valarie broke out in uproarious laughter. "There you go, Tiger," Val chuckled. "That will keep her in her place. It just so happens her place is face down and ass up with you riding roundup." Willa took a deep breath, then dismounted me. She patted me on the chest and gave me one final kiss. "We need to be going," she sighed. "I'll make sure to stay in touch." Valarie and I waited behind as Willa got on her ride and drove away. Only then did Valarie give me one last jibe herself. "Dude, I swear your lips are dusted with cocaine because I've never seen women act so nuts around a normal guy," she teased. "Are you saying I'm abnormal?" I shot back. "Ha," she laughed. "I'm calling it like I see it. I'd caution you about a girl and handcuffs but you have six sets that I know of so all I can advise is dodging when they shoot at you and lawyer up the moment they read you your rights, and I'm gone." Her bike roared to life and she peeled out, leaving me to contemplate what further screw-ups I'd added to my life. Girls, all I can say in any of our defenses is that none of us had been to a college block party except Rio, and we were dumb enough to listen to her advice on what to wear and what it would be like. We didn't even know how screwed we were until we arrived at the party destination and by then, it was too late. My only excuse was that Vivian had sworn Rio and Mercy had behaved themselves last night. Of course, first we had to get the clothes we were going to wear. The salesgirls eyed us with a devilish curiosity when we filed into the chic women's boutique, the only one in town. I was getting away with jeans and a red t-shirt from a local band called "Confetti". According to Rio, girls had to dress 'rough and ready', which translated to tight leather pants, shot boots, and either halter tops or sleeveless shirts. In retrospect, I should have known that when the salesgirls began regarding me as a pimp, I'd fucked up royally. "What do you think?" Barbie Lynn came flouncing over to where I was sitting, showing off her bright yellow halter top (that wasn't much into halting anything) and buckskin pants with the prerequisite frills along the outside of each leg. "Don't those things come with a bra?" I gulped. On the grave of my Viking ancestors, I swear those two orbs were just, right there, free and mouth-wateringly delicious. "What?" Barbie pouted. "Don't you like them?" she leaned forward, pressed her boobs together, and wiggled them in front of me. "Best ever," I panted. Barbie Lynn glowed at that declaration, then turned around and presented her ass mere inches from my face. "Better than this?" she taunted. "Ah!" I cried out; my pledge was in immoral danger. I tried to get out of my chair by brushing by her tush but only managed to flip the chair over on its side with me still in it. Eyes tracked me as I struggled to stand. "It has the Zane seal of approval," Barbie Lynn addressed the room. "I'll take it." "Wait! Zane? The Zane?" One of the salesgirls inquired. Multiple girls nodded. "That would make you the girl in the shower," she directed to Barbie Lynn. "Sure thing," Barbie Lynn boasted. "You've got, stamina," the other girl blushed, "both of you." "That's where I've seen all of you before," the first girl said as she put it all together. "Except you," she pointed at Vivian. "Honestly, I was suspicious it was a porn hoax. I mean, what kind of guy scores that many hot babes?" "Umm," Rio patted Mercy's bottom, "we're hot babes." "Are you two really, actually, the second girl stammered to Rio. "You do those things?" "Do you mean is she my bitch toy? Then yes, she is," Rio answered smugly. "Mercy, lift your top." Mercy paled, gulped, but did as requested. Rio put her arms around Mercy's midsection and pulled her close, latching onto a nipple as they came together. "No!" Vivian shouted. "There will be no public displays of pornography." Rio made a lip-smacking noise as her lips released Mercy's breast. Mercy kept her shirt raised as Rio looked back to the salesgirl. "Satisfied?" Rio gloated. The girl nodded in stunned amazement and Vivian coughed as a reminder. "Mercy, you can lower your shirt now," Rio added without even looking at Mercy. "Wow, this is so weird." The first girl shook her head, then that light came on and she looked at me with amazement and amusement. "You are trying for your 'No Sex' weekend? Well, if we can't get you laid before this weekend, we aren't selling you the right clothes." "I'm counting on it," Paige smirked. Her choice was a slick black bustier and leather pants that laced up on the side. In fact, they were more lacing on the sides and less leather. I'm not saying she looked bad; I merely vowed to get a few pictures of her in the outfit for my spank bank collection, not that I have any realistic hope of spanking the monkey anytime soon. Whoa, are women I don't even know now ganging up on me? What the hell? Adelaide and Ginger, our two salesgirls, went all out to get the ladies the skimpiest outfits allowed by law. I didn't mention the occasion because that would make me feel bad about not inviting them. "So, what are you getting all dressed up, or down for?" Ginger asked innocently enough. "Oh, there is a college-student-only bloc party tonight. Zane got an invite and he's sneaking us in with him," Iona responded with the naivet of a girl who had nil knowledge of social networking or class distinction. "Oh," Ginger muttered, and cast a sideways glance to Adelaide before looking at me. "Well, Addie's husband doesn't like doing that kind of stuff," she said lamely, "and Finn, my boyfriend, has to work late anyway." She was giving me an out and I wanted to take it. Somehow this seemed to be one too many times sticking out my neck foolishly. I'd already bent my invitation by inviting my FFU crowd. I then told myself that I'd double back and invite them, on the sly. I recalled the little discussion Valarie had with Willa only a few hours ago. Yes, I could act like your standard college cock and tell the townies it was okay to come in the back door. If I did that, I could only pray Rio punched me in the face. I'd say 'kick me in the nuts' but I clearly didn't have any. "Ginger and Adelaide, we are gathering by the water tower around 9:45 before we head to the spot," I told her. "You and your guys join us there and we'll go in as a group. It is the warehouse on Hammond Street and the word is 'Comet', in case you show up later." "Oh, I'm not sure we can make it," Adelaide responded. What she was also saying was 'are you sure you know what you are doing?' "There is one condition," I added. Now the two salesgirls were suspicious. "You have to dress like the rest of them do," I motioned to my girls. "You sold these ladies these clothes so it is only fair you dress similarly." Now the two exhaled, then smiled and groaned playfully. They could hardly say no after the money they'd taken from me, my credit card, actually. If I carried that much cash and a cop searched me, I'd mistake me for a drug dealer too. "We'll see what we can do," Ginger evaded. "Oh, that won't be a problem," Opal chimed in. "Go around the store and pick out what you want; Zane will pay for it." "For the love of God, would you stop spending my money? You are as bad as Rio," I griped. "Who is trying to be worse to you than I am?" Rio sounded both offended and up to the challenge of making me even more miserable than I was. "Oh, come on, Zane," Brandi complained. "You are a gazillionaire." "You've been listening to Rio," I shot back and glared Rio's way. "It was Mercy who told me that," Brandi corrected me. I shifted my gaze to Mercy, as did Rio. "We'll talk when we get outside," Rio cautioned Mercy, who seemed decidedly uneasy. I had to hand it to Ginger and Adelaide; for ten minutes they showed constraint, and then they went bonkers. I really don't think a woman can wear a pink gossamer scarf wrapped around her chest and call it clothing but Ginger was giving it a shot. Ginger had a small chest - 32A, but her nipples were works of art. I couldn't keep quiet about them. "Ginger, if your boyfriend lets you walk around in your domicile with a top on, he's committing crimes against the male and female, worship of the female form," I blathered. Ginger blinked, and then blushed before grinning at me wickedly. "Yes?" she prodded me. I took that as an invitation to walk up, bend at the waist until I was at eye level with her chest. Her nipples swelled under my scrutiny. "Zane, if you lick or bite them, I will stomp on your foot and break some toes," Vivian warned me. I was, in my estimation, good. I leaned forward a few more inches until I could blow forcefully upon each nipple. Ginger rolled forward on the tip of her toes, thrusting her chest forward, but I retreated just in time. She fell back and I pursued with long, continuous breaths this time. Her nipples didn't come out and say 'Hi', they launched rescue flares and lit bonfires on the beaches of my desire. Ginger was moaning and whimpering as she kept trying to force physical contact while I kept frustrating her. Her thighs were working back and forth as her cunt began burning her up. "Ginger," Adelaide worried, "what about Finn?" "I know," pleaded Ginger, "but you've seen the cock on this guy and he's driving me crazy-horny, and he hasn't even touched me yet." "Friends," Adelaide insistently reminded Ginger. "All his friends are here and watching." "I'll be her friend," Brandi volunteered, though Opal hooked her waist before she could show everyone how much of a friend she wanted to be. "Oh, we don't mind," Rio remarked. "Most nights with Zane are a learning experience for all of us." "I mind," grumbled Paige. "Paige, honey, he always comes home to us," Barbie Lynn reassured Paige. "Besides, we know where he's sleeping tonight and who will be with him," Iona added. "Fine, okay," Paige decided. "Zane," she beckoned me with a 'come hither' finger curl. "Sorry, Paige," I quickly responded between puffs of air on Ginger's nipples, "I'm busy." "Zane," Paige warned me. "Paige, not now," I grumped. "Zane!" Paige became more insistent. I didn't respond so what she said next was inevitable. "Zane, bouncy, bouncy." My groan was fueled by stymied lust; I stood up and walked over to Paige. Once I was in front of her, I used both hands to brush Paige's hair off her shoulder blades. I brought my hands together at the back of her head, wrapping my left hand in her ponytail while dropping my right down her side before snaking it to the small of her back. I pulled the hair back gently, tilting her head up as I pressed my hand on the small of her back until we were rubbing against one another. I leaned in for a slow, intensive kiss which Paige intercepted by standing on her toes. Our kiss was a see-saw affair that saw our tongues roll together and our lips shifting from lingering touch to gentle caress that lasted over a minute. "What are they doing? Or more like it, what is she doing to him to make him do that?" Adelaide quizzed the ladies. "Oh, that's a game they play," Rio explained. "He pretends she's a witch who has put a spell on him and she pretends she's going to be the first Mrs. Zane Braxton." "Say those words and Zane will perform any sexual act on you that you desire," Barbie Lynn teased. "No, it doesn't work like that," Iona got out right before Ginger interrupted. "Zane, bouncy, bouncy," Ginger demanded. That earned a round of chuckles. "Sorry, I tried that too," Brandi admitted. "Apparently each girl has to find her own command phrase." "Are you okay now?" I whispered to Paige. I really had to deal with these girls going wacky around me; we had things to do before the party started. "You are worth every gold doubloon I've spent on you," she smiled back. "Um, I'm the one spending money on you," I corrected her. Paige turned half-way around, bumped me with her hip, and wiggled her ass. "As I said, you are worth every coin," she winked. Hardy-har-har. "Okay, friends and acquaintances, let's finish with our purchases," I commanded. "We've still got some ground to cover before tonight." "What else do we have to do?" groaned Vivian. "I'm getting Mercy tattooed," Rio grinned with a dire mirth. "I want a design right above the ass, both subtle and understated; I don't know if I'm going with '1-800-HoT-SLuT' or 'Nothing Under 6 inches Allowed." "No, you are not!" growled Vivian. "No way, no how. Zane?" "Vivian, Rio is yanking your chain," I calmed my guardian. "You have to understand that Rio wouldn't put anything on Mercy that she wouldn't wear herself. She definitely wouldn't put something on Mercy that Mercy couldn't live with; trust me on that." "That's right, Viv," Rio chortled. "I can't tell you how many times I've regretted having 'Eat at the Clam Shack' tattooed right below the beltway." "You don't have a tattoo there!" Vivian countered. "Someone's been peeking," Rio skewered Vivian with a shark-like grin. Iona shook her head and walked up to Vivian, presenting her phone. "Here is the design they've chosen," Iona explained. It was an intricate weaving of lines and shadows I'd been shown once before. "See, in this end is Songs of Solomon 2:16 and on the other end is a Chi Rho woven into the greater design. It clearly has Christian imagery," Iona explained. "It's" Vivian sounded surprised, "actually rather, nice looking." "What's Songs of Solomon 2:16?" Ginger inquired. "'My lover is mine and I am', it should say 'his' but I think in this case it is 'hers'," I answered. "That's sweet," Adelaide said. "You can bet it was Mercy's choice, then," Opal smirked. "No, it was Rio's idea,&quo

In this special Q&A edition of The Consult Room, I'm joined by my producer and veterinary nurse, Annie Clark, as we answer your pet health questions; from itchy paws to tear stains, insurance dilemmas to grief, and everything in between.Every year at Crufts and across social media, I'm sent hundreds of questions from pet owners, so in this episode, we're dedicating the mic to you - our listeners.From behaviour and wellness to end-of-life care and first-time ownership, it's an honest look at the real questions pet guardians ask.In This Episode:Why dogs obsessively lick their pawsHow to support a cat through grief after losing a companionNail trimming at home - what to do (and what not to!)Tear staining in Chihuahuas and other breedsWhen it's time to say goodbye - assessing quality of lifeThe truth about rising pet insurance costsWhat to expect when your female dog hasn't had her first seasonTips for first-time dog guardians working from homeAnd… who do I love the most - Rodney or my husband?Key Takeaways:Always rule out medical causes before assuming a behavioural issueGrieving pets need time and stable routines to adjustNail clipping confidence starts with early handling and calm trainingTear stains are often anatomical, not always treatableQuality of life decisions should be guided by mobility, appetite, and engagementInsurance costs rise with age - plan early, save, or shop wiselyDogs thrive on structure, even when you work from homeResources and More Info:

Chapter 1 – Intertrigo: Prevention, Work-Up, and When (Not) to Use Antibiotics (00:11) John introduces the podcast episode and the hosts. (02:39) John welcomes Dr Laura Buckley (Senior Lecturer, Veterinary Dermatology, University of Liverpool) and asks what “brachycephalic” means and which breeds it covers. Laura explains shortened muzzles and broad, domed heads; the most extreme include French and British Bulldogs, Pugs and Boston Terriers, with Cavaliers, Chihuahuas and Dogue de Bordeaux also affected. (04:00) Sue notes their huge popularity in UK primary care. Laura adds that around 40% of her clinic can be French Bulldogs, with brachycephalics a very large overall share. (04:33) Sue asks which skin problems are most common. Laura explains that atopic dermatitis and otitis (externa/media) lead, with interdigital furunculosis also frequent. Cavaliers often show primary secretory otitis media. Skin-fold dermatitis (intertrigo) and muzzle furunculosis are common, and lesions can form over bony prominences where itchy dogs rub. (06:15) Sue asks what intertrigo is and why brachys get it. Laura explains shortened muzzles leave redundant skin that folds around eyes and muzzle, creating humid, low-airflow pockets that accumulate keratinous/sebaceous debris. Microbial overgrowth follows; bristly coats plus rubbing traumatises follicles and escalates inflammation. (08:06) Sue asks about prevention. Laura suggests daily fold hygiene from the start: clean away debris; consider antiseptic wipes (e.g., chlorhexidine) once or twice daily, and increase during flare-prone periods. (09:15) Sue highlights how early routines improve compliance and handling; Laura agrees it gives a “head start,” especially as atopy often appears within the first three years. (10:08) John asks how early disease presents and how to work it up. Laura explains earliest signs are diffuse erythema in the fold, then partial/complete alopecia, erosion/ulceration, crusting; severe untreated cases may progress to folliculitis and even deep pyoderma. (11:48) Sue asks about cytology. Laura explains it's pivotal: expect keratinous debris with cocci (staphylococci) or Malassezia in overgrowth; neutrophils with intracellular bacteria indicate infection and guide therapy. (12:57) John asks if systemic antibiotics are ever needed. Laura explains they're rarely indicated: most cases respond to topical antiseptics/antimicrobials plus strong anti-inflammatory control. Consider systemic antibiotics only for genuine deep, painful, draining pyoderma, immunosuppression, poor feasibility for topicals, or proven topical failure - always post culture & susceptibility. (15:47) John asks how she controls inflammation. Laura uses topical glucocorticoids (often in combination products). For severe inflammation, short anti-inflammatory courses of prednisolone (~0.5–1 mg/kg for a few days before tapering) can calm tissue so topicals can work. (16:48) Sue asks about long-term routines and when to consider surgery. Laura advises daily fold cleaning (once–twice daily) and twice-weekly topical anti-inflammatories (e.g., hydrocortisone aceponate or mometasone) with minimal systemic absorption; discuss surgery if medical care is impractical, or if maintenance fails with frequent relapses or recurrent infections. Chapter 2 – Viral Pigmented Plaques (VPP) (19:33) John moves to VPP and asks which brachy breeds are affected. Laura most often sees Pugs, plus Boston Terriers, Chihuahuas and French Bulldogs. (20:25) Sue asks what they look like. Laura describes numerous, heavily pigmented, slightly raised plaques that may begin flatter and become scaly, verruciform and hyperkeratotic over time. (22:00) Sue asks how to differentiate melanoma. Laura says biopsy/histopathology is the diagnostic choice; FNAs from plaques are often low-cellularity keratinocytes, whereas melanoma cytology differs. (23:43) John asks if plaques regress. Laura explains most persist or increase, likely due to a virus-specific, genetically influenced immunodeficiency in otherwise healthy, often young dogs. For treatment, Laura notes most are cosmetic, but very rarely plaques can transform to SCC, so monitoring matters. Limited numbers can be removed surgically or with laser; for numerous lesions consider systemic/medical options (e.g., azithromycin, interferon, retinoids, vitamin A, topical imiquimod) with variable success. (25:35) Sue summarises a primary-care approach: monitor unless numerous, pruritic, function-limiting or rapidly changing. Laura agrees; schedule regular reviews. Chapter 3 – Seasonal Flank Alopecia (SFA) (26:30) Sue introduces SFA and asks what it is and why it happens. Laura explains it's a localised cyclic follicular dysplasia linked to photoperiod and melatonin; predisposed breeds include Boxers, Affenpinschers, British Bulldogs, Staffies and Chihuahuas. (29:40) John asks about geography. Laura notes seasonality is more marked away from the equator where day-length swings are greater. Sue recalls light-box data suggesting equal photoperiod may prevent SFA; both agree the pattern fits a light/melatonin mechanism. (30:18) Sue contrasts the clinical picture with endocrine alopecia. Laura explains SFA shows sharply demarcated, bilateral flank patches (± hyperpigmentation). Endocrinopathies tend to be diffuse, affect coat quality and other sites (e.g., tail). (32:27) Sue asks differentials and work-up. Laura highlights hypothyroidism and Cushing's; use signalment and systemic signs, then haematology/biochemistry ± T4/TSH and targeted endocrine tests as indicated. (33:03) Sue asks about monitoring. Laura expects regrowth in spring within 1–4 months as day length rises, though a minority become permanently alopecic. (35:45) John asks about treatment. Laura reassures it's cosmetic once endocrinopathies are excluded; many owners opt to observe. For those wanting intervention, oral melatonin and increased light exposure are reasonable. (37:30) John thanks Laura and invites her for episode 2!

Send us a text          This week on the DeRP, the hosts debate which is worse--Chihuahuas or paradigms, recap the results for round 1 of Bracketeering: Top Dogs, can't decide if Lilly is old enough to have ever had a phonebook, discuss the Beatitudes and how to construct a durable soul, design the best possible TV newscast lineup but still wouldn't watch it, learn that Gianna knows a whole lot about people being hospitalized, and learn that Troy's mom listens to the podcast, meaning a couple weeks ago we accidentally told her about his lower back DeRP tattoo.  Sorry Troy!

The new Rumps & Bumps jersey just dropped! Check out afterpartyinc.com. Its the return of our boy Champagne Eli! As he comes on after a two year hiatus. We talk about the last time he came on the podcast and he ended up where no one wants to be, find out how the ladies have been treating him plus Mark chimes in and Mark gives us the scoop on why he's still single. Follow us on social media @AaronScenesAfterParty

Baseball stadiums frown upon using the nicest pumpkin you ever felt to catch a baseball even if you have a Trump Card and Pete Hegseth is busy doing Edward Fortyhands on his lunch break. There is a restaurant where they serve poop but the guy never lets you have it. Chihuahuas are small but Great Danes are big. Durango is Spanish for The Range

The new Rumps & Bumps jersey just dropped! Check out afterpartyinc.com. It's the UNCUT x AFTER PARTY Collab you've been waiting for! Eddie Blendz steps into the After Party and talks about his journey in becoming a barber, owning his own studio and talks up WEST TEXAS SHOWDOWN. Plus! He answers some horny questions and gives us the Eddie Tea. Follow us on social media @AaronScenesAfterParty Watch the full video and listen to the episode on all platforms and head over to our instagram @ AaronScenesAfterParty

-Heart warming local story -When your neighbour tries to kill you with a flare gun -ATTACK OF THE FLYING ANTS -Emotional Support Alligator banned from Walmart -Arnie sings a cartoon theme song classic -Scrotox! -Kevin the Blind Pigeon: The Movie -AFAF: Secretly feeding your boyfriend's dog

*5:00am: Name that Game – Video Game Day *6:00am Who's Got the Best Buffet in Vegas and Why?, What's the odd rule in your workplace or at home? *7:00am: Beat Mercedes $125, When has technology totally betrayed you in public? *8:00am: What do people judge you on? What do you judge people on?

Dave Stevens has defied expectations at every turn. Born without legs and immediately put up for adoption, the odds were stacked against him from day one. Yet during our chance meeting at the Chicago Abilities Expo, Dave shared how his adoptive parents instilled in him a powerful mindset: being without legs wasn't a disability—it was simply his normal.Dave became a three-sport varsity athlete in high school, earning his positions by outperforming able-bodied teammates. His athletic journey continued through college football at Augsburg University and even included a stint in minor league baseball alongside Darryl Strawberry. Off the field, Dave built a 20-year career at ESPN, earning seven Emmy Awards and covering 30 Super Bowls along the way.Our conversation highlights a critical reality about disability representation in media. As Dave poignantly states, "We're the biggest minority in the world and we have the smallest voice." Both of us share experiences of being underestimated, of having people judge the book by its cover rather than recognizing our capabilities. Dave describes us as "Chihuahuas who think they're St. Bernards"—refusing to be limited by society's narrow expectations of what disabled individuals can achieve.This SpeedCast delivers a powerful message about redefining limitations, the importance of representation, and focusing on what truly matters in life. Join us for this raw, unfiltered conversation about taking the "dis" out of disability and amplifying voices that deserve to be heard.

There's something uniquely Irish about the warmth of a busy household - laughter around the dinner table, a kettle always on the boil, and, for many families, a wagging tail waiting by the door. Dogs have long been part of family life across Ireland, adding joy, companionship, and a little bit of organised chaos to everyday living. Welcoming a puppy into the home is often one of the most exciting decisions a family can make. Yet it also brings challenges: training, commitment, and, of course, the reality of keeping a house clean when little paws come running across the floor. Balancing the delight of a new pup with the practicality of a tidy, welcoming home is part of modern family life here in Ireland. Puppies in Irish Homes Irish families have always had a soft spot for dogs. From the loyal sheepdogs that once worked in the fields to the friendly spaniels that curl up by the fire, dogs are interwoven into our culture. Today, as more people move into cities and towns, smaller breeds and mixed breeds are becoming popular companions. The journey often starts with searching for puppies for sale in Ireland. Parents want a pet that's gentle with children, first-time owners need a breed that's easy to train, and older couples may look for a dog that enjoys shorter walks. The excitement of bringing a puppy home is matched by the responsibility to give them the right start in life. Popular Breeds in Ireland Among the most cherished choices are Cavachons, a cross between the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and the Bichon Frise. Known for their affectionate nature and manageable size, they're perfect for city living or family homes. It's not unusual to hear friends chatting about where to find Cavachon puppies in Ireland, as the breed continues to grow in popularity. Labradors remain a classic choice, especially for active households who enjoy long walks on the beach or in the countryside. Chihuahuas, though tiny, are also gaining ground with apartment dwellers who want a companion that doesn't need as much space. Each breed brings its own quirks, but all have one thing in common: they become part of the family. Choosing Responsibly While the excitement of a new puppy is undeniable, Irish families are becoming more conscious of the importance of responsible adoption. Ethical breeding practices and verified listings help ensure that puppies are healthy, well-socialised, and raised in caring environments. Awareness campaigns in Ireland have encouraged people to research before buying. Families now consider not just the breed's temperament, but also the background - asking questions about vaccinations, socialisation, and the living conditions the puppy has grown up in. Choosing responsibly not only supports animal welfare but also gives families the best chance of welcoming a happy, healthy pup into their home. The Joy and the Mess The first weeks with a puppy are magical - little paws padding across the kitchen, playful nips, and excited barks at the postman. Yet reality sets in quickly. Puppies shed, track mud through the hallway, and occasionally have accidents on the rug. Even the most house-proud families can find themselves overwhelmed by the extra cleaning that comes with owning a dog. It's not just about the visible mess, either. Allergies, pet odours, and muddy paw prints can make a home feel less inviting. While many families embrace the chaos as part of the package, there's no denying that keeping a home both pet-friendly and spotless takes some effort. Practical Tips for Dog-Friendly Cleaning Irish homes are lived in, and that's their charm. Still, a few practical steps can make a big difference when dogs are part of the family: Floor care: placing washable mats near doors where dogs come in from the garden or park helps contain dirt. Wooden or tiled floors are easier to clean than carpets. Soft furnishings: throws and washable covers protect sofas and chairs from fur. A weekly wash keeps everything fresh. Air quality: regula...

The May 2025 Cozy Mystery Book Club title was Mimi Lee Gets a Clue (A Sassy Cat Mystery Book One) by Jennifer J. Chow

Little League organizations are inviting assistance to support the Ingram Little League, in the aftermath of the July 4 floods that wreaked havoc on Hill Country communities. In partnership with the Sugar Land Space Cowboys, Little League will come together for a special event on Sunday, Sept. 21, at 2 p.m., and invites Little League families across Texas to be part of this important cause. The Chihuahuas will face the Space Cowboys at Constellation Field, 1 Stadium Drive in Sugar Land. Here's how you can help: •Join the event at the ballpark in Ingram — A portion of all ticket...Article Link

What if everything you were told about building muscle was wrong? Robert Cheeke grew up a skinny teen on a farm, doubted by his coaches and teammates, yet he went on to become a champion vegan bodybuilder—all fueled by a whole food, plant-based lifestyle.In this episode of the Visibly Fit Podcast, Robert shares his inspiring journey from 120 pounds to a 220-pound bodybuilding champion, the lessons behind his book The Impactful Vegan, and how leading with compassion can transform both your health and the world around you.You'll discover:How Robert built 100 pounds of muscle without animal protein or drugsWhy plant-based nutrition is powerful for strength, recovery, and longevityThe difference between junk food veganism and whole food plant-based eatingHow your “why” fuels lasting lifestyle changeThe ripple effect of living with generosity and purposeWhether you're curious about vegan bodybuilding, searching for a healthier way of living, or simply looking for encouragement to take the next step in your own wellness journey, this conversation will challenge and inspire you.Chapters:[00:00] Podcast Preview[01:22] Topic and Guest Introduction[03:22] Why Robert Almost Said No to the Interview[4:59] The Journey to Veganism and Athleticism[08:23] Becoming a Champion Vegan Bodybuilder[13:14] Effective Vegan Altruism and the Strong V Framework[18:59] Leveraging Skills for Impact[23:25] The Power of Giving and Community Support[30:00] The Impactful Vegan: A Call to Action[36:52] Health Implications of Diet Choices[43:57] Leading by Positive Example[46:26] Finding Your Deeper Purpose[55:28] Extending Compassion to All[01:00:20] Conclusion and ResourcesResources mentioned:

The new Rumps & Bumps jersey just dropped! Check out afterpartyinc.com. Its a brand new episode of the After Party and on this one we bring on Baby Mama Bree! As she comes on spills some much need tea. She tells about her first time on the mean streets of Cinci, she gives us some tips and tricks on rizzing her up plus we catch up with the roll taco queen Tori. Follow us on social media @AaronScenesAfterParty

“In this episode of The Sandy Show, Sandy and Tricia dive headfirst into a whirlwind of hilarious, bizarre, and thought-provoking stories that will keep you hooked from start to finish. From an eight-year-old son's brutally honest fashion critique—“I don't like the public armpits”—to a deep dive into the Menendez brothers' failed parole hearing, this episode balances humor with hard-hitting reality. You'll hear Sandy reflect on his days working in sweltering UPS trailers, Tricia's physically demanding side hustle in interior design, and a listener shoutout that leads to a quirky obsession with a high-heeled alligator pillow turned statue. But it doesn't stop there. The duo explores:A Harvard researcher's alarming claim about a mysterious space object possibly powered by nuclear energy.China's controversial development of a robotic artificial womb.A groundbreaking spinal cord transplant that could change millions of lives.The new workplace term “quiet cracking”—are you secretly on the verge of burnout?And the surprising top dog breeds and names of 2025 (spoiler: Chihuahuas are coming for your ankles).

Tim Hagerty, voice of the El Paso Chihuahuas Joins The Show.

The Tennessee quadruple murder suspect appeared in court, but he was more concerned about reconnecting with his pregnant baby mama who is not only a former prison guard, but a relative of the murder victims! A couple's Chihuahuas munched on a dead threesome partner's body while they cashed in his social security checks...for months. Plus, a shear love of rap lands a son behind bars! Jennifer Gould reports. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

As hosts of the Happy Wife Happy Life podcast, comedians/writers/actors Kendahl Landreth and Jordan Myrick help their listeners navigate everything related to relationships. Here on our show, in this episode, they bring that gift of harmony to society's views of chihuahuas, especially their own rescue dog, Angel. As you drift off to sleep, you'll hear about Angel's peculiarities, why these dogs are not necessarily annoying but possibly misunderstood, and you'll hear the surprising information that one of Paris Hilton's chihuahuas was 23 dang years old when it finally passed away. 23. Can you believe that? Turns out, Paris was an excellent tiny dog caretaker. You'll love spending your sleepytime with Kendahl, Jordan, and Angel who doesn't bark at all during show. Not so yappy at all, you see.Listen to and or watch the Happy Wife Happy Lifepodcast on Youtube or on the podcatcher of your choice. Learn more about Kendahl, her TikTok, and her further work by visiting her website, www.KendahlLandreth.com. Learn more about Jordan, her Dropout series, and her further work by visiting her website, www.JordanMyrick.com.Go to www.maximumfun.org/join and select Sleeping with Celebrities to support our show.Hey Sleepy Heads, is there anyone whose voice you'd like to drift off to, or do you have suggestions on things we could do to aid your slumber?Email us at: sleepwithcelebs@maximumfun.org.Follow the Show on:Instagram @sleepwcelebsBluesky @sleepwithcelebsTikTok @SleepWithCelebsJohn is on Bluesky @JohnMoeJohn's acclaimed, best-selling memoir, The Hilarious World of Depression, is now available in paperback.

This week on RHOM, Marysol plans a trip to Spain to get Alexia away from Todd, Guerdy attempts another make up with Julia, Stephanie makes the ladies plays musical chairs on her private jet and more!Follow me on social media, find links to merch, Patreon and more here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The new Rumps & Bumps jersey just dropped! Check out afterpartyinc.com. On this episode we're joined by an After Party legend: ROMAN ROUGE. He comes on we talk about his rebrand as a DJ/Producer, finding his way through it and when we can expect his return. Plus we talk about our favorite pandemic moments and what he's been up to nowadays. Follow us on social media @AaronScenesAfterParty

The Tiny but Mighty Chihuahua with Kristi Green [caption id="attachment_14231" align="alignleft" width="416"] Kristi Green with BIS MBISS GCHG CH Knockout Pretty Little Liar.[/caption] Host Laura Reeves is joined by Kristi Green, talking about the tiny but mighty Chihuahua. From their slightly mysterious origins to best practices on finding and raising a well-bred dog, Green shares pro tips from her own successes and struggles. “I think that the biggest part about living with a Chihuahua is that they can be as good of a dog as you want them to be or as bad of a dog as you let them be,” Green said. “There's a lot of user error and really successful users, for lack of a better word, I hear people say that you know, they're truly trying to bite somebody and I think ‘mine don't do that.' “I've had a lot of Chihuahuas come and go throughout my process. And, and how you handle them in certain situations really, really has a lot to do with the dog that you have. What you put in is what you get out. But just day-to-day life with them, they're wonderful dogs. You've got this little dog that thinks you hung the moon and the stars, whether you barely got out of bed that day or you solved World Peace. They love you no matter what. And that really is part of their charm. “It really has become the gold standard in Chihuahuas now that you do health test the dogs. That really has changed over the last 15 years since I started, and I think that that's important. Look for a breeder that's not just ohh, my dogs are healthy, they've been health tested, but that they're putting those dogs in the database because it says they care about the big picture, not just selling puppies, but they care about what happens in 15 years when somebody wants to learn about a pedigree. “A Chihuahua that's going to be a good pet really has been home raised. You know, they've been raised in your house. They've been raised under foot. They've been exposed to just life in a house. They also have been socialized. I think it's a good idea to ask the question of, you know, what do you do to socialize the puppies? How are the puppies potty trained? I mean, are you doing anything as far as those things go, because that early framework really does make a big difference as far as how the dog handles life for the next 15 years.” Read more in our 2018 blog post interview with Green HERE.

The new Rumps & Bumps jersey just dropped! Check out afterpartyinc.com. Its a special Independence Day episode featuring our girl VOO. She tells us all about how she got started dancing in the Sun City, some wild club stories and we talk about good and bad times at the infamous Jaguars Gentleman's Club. Plus she tells us what she's up to nowadays including her brand new single life. Follow us on social media @AaronScenesAfterParty.

Tuesday is here and there's lots to get to! We let you know what's new on DVD for New Release Tuesday, we talked to Grant Bilse from the Wisco Sports Show, and we talked about the latest use for A.I. In the news this morning, the latest on the flooding in Texas, an update on the Judge Dugan case, bond is set for Jacob Klaver, the Epstein list apparently doesn't exist, and the TSA is now letting people wear their shoes during check-in. In sports, the Brewers beat up the Dodgers last night, a bunch of moves in the NBA, and good news from Dick Vitale! Speaking of good news, check out this hiker who was saved with a little help from his dog, a bullied teen got a rather large escort to prom, and a website that helps calm people with cat purring noises. Elsewhere in sports, the latest on the upcoming home-run derby at the MLB All-Star game, and have you heard about the Curse of J.K. Simmons? In today's edition of "Bad News with Happy Music", we had stories about a drug dealer who got busted for dealing drugs while in court, a fitness bro who kept working out at a fitness event after his girlfriend passed out, a guy in Wisconsin who tried to flee from the cops by swimming across a lake, a bee attack in France, a pet lion that got loose & attacked some kids, and a family of bears broke into a house & ate a bunch of snacks.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Tim Haggerty, voice of the Chihuahuas Joins the Show. WNBA players think Caitlin Clark is the ninth best player in the league?

Tim Haggerty, voice of the Chihuahuas Joins the Show.

The new Rumps & Bumps jersey just dropped! Check out afterpartyinc.com. Peep the brand new episode featuring the one and only El Paso Foos! As he comes on reveals the face behind the instagram account and we chop it up and get to know him. He tells us about his early success in the music scene and his transition to talent management plus he names some of the best artists in the Sun City. Follow us on social media @AaronScenesAfterParty