Podcasts about Trousers

Rob and Paul trot out east to Wanstead on a jewel of a day. Featuring career news for the progeny, white bread with butter, cultural activities at the weekend, Rob the roadie, stumbling upon a half marathon, Paul's classic Sunday, Tom's trousers, Edinburgh Marathon anticipation - and Fringe memories, 'have fun', a bit of gratitude, a tickle of tempo - and where will Paul watch the football?SUBSCRIBE for early access, ad-free listening, bonus episodes and more here: https://runcompod.supercast.com/BUY OUR BOOKS; you can get Rob's book Running Tracks here - https://www.waterstones.com/book/running-tracks/rob-deering/9781800180444 - and you can get Paul's book 26.2 Miles to Happiness here: https://www.waterstones.com/book/26-2-miles-to-happiness/paul-tonkinson/9781472975270Thanks for listening, supporting, and sharing your adventures with us. Happy running.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/runningcommentary.

Alexei Sayle is an actor, author, stand-up comedian, television presenter and former recording artist. He was one of the leading figures in the British alternative comedy movement in the 1980s, becoming the leading performer at The Comic Strip, in Soho. In 1981, he wrote and performed the radio series, Alexei Sayle and the Fish People, for which he won a Pye Radio Award. This was followed by Alexei Sayle and the Dutch Lieutenant's Trousers, and two series of Lenin of the Rovers, a 1988 comedy about Britain's first communist football team. He returned to Radio 4 in 2016 with Alexei Sayle's Imaginary Sandwich Bar, which has run for five critically acclaimed series so far. His first high-profile television appearances were on Central Independent Television's late-night alternative cabaret show O.T.T. and several appearance in The Young Ones. He's had his own shows, three series of Alexei Sayle's Stuff for which he won an International Emmy, two series of The All New Alexei Sayle Show (1994–1995) and one series of Alexei Sayle's Merry-Go-Round On film he's appeared in The Secret Policeman's Other Ball, Gorky Park, The Caucasian Chalk Circle, The Supergrass, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Carry On Columbus, The Legend of the Tamworth Two, and How to Build a Girl, among others. He's also been in Dr Who, The Comic Strip Presents, Selling Hitler, Tipping the Velvet, Bremner, Bird and Fortune, Rob Brydon's Annually Retentive, Miss Marple, Horrible Histories, New Tricks, Toby City, Casualty, and lots more. He's written two short story collections, five novels, including a graphic novel and a radio series spin-off book, as well as columns for various publications. He can be heard on Alexei Sayle's Strangers on a Train on BBC Sounds Where he breaks the golden rule of travelling by train in the UK - by actually talking to his fellow passengers and his own podcast is available now, and it's called the Alexei Sayle Podacst .Alexei Sayle is our guest in episode 493 of My Time Capsule and chats to Michael Fenton Stevens about the five things he'd like to put in a time capsule; four he'd like to preserve and one he'd like to bury and never have to think about again .Listen to The Alexei Sayle's Podcast here - https://podfollow.com/1540500007/links .Follow The Alexei Sayle's Podcast on Twitter/X & Instagram @alexeisaylepod .Follow My Time Capsule on Instagram: @mytimecapsulepodcast & Twitter/X & Facebook: @MyTCpod .Follow Michael Fenton Stevens on Twitter/X: @fentonstevens & Instagram @mikefentonstevens .Produced and edited by John Fenton-Stevens for Cast Off Productions .Music by Pass The Peas Music .Artwork by matthewboxall.com .This podcast is proud to be associated with the charity Viva! Providing theatrical opportunities for hundreds of young people . Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Paul Sykes was a heavyweight boxer, career criminal, and self-proclaimed expert in violence — who once battered a shark. David Charlton, on the other hand, preferred soiling himself and making life hell for everyone around him. Both found fleeting fame through two unforgettable prison documentaries and left indelible marks on numerous lives, faces and bed sheets.

Bees beat Ipswich at the weekendto keep the European Tour dream alive. Next up - West London rivals FulhamBillyTheBee Grant, Dave Laney Lane and Matt The Allard Allard hooked up by the river in Richmond to shoot the breeze chatting losing ones trousers, end of season player awards, when Canos lost his shirt against Leeds, the last time Brentford played Fulham on the 2nd last match of the season on a Sunday after winning their previous 4 matches plus lots moreWe look back at the Ipswich gameJacob The Gowler Gowler gives the statistical and tactical lowdown on the Ipswich and Fulham matchesJonathan JB Burchill gives us more facts and funkAnd Elisabeth from Fulhamish tells us what has been going down in the Fulham camp Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Nick and Carol are being tested and they help with a pesky fly and with talking dirty.

From PSG's great win to the thrilling draw at Barca – this week's Champions League action unpicked. Guillem Balague, Julien Laurens and James Horncastle reflect on a brilliant week of action in the Champions League. The team discuss the superb performances from Barcelona's Lamine Yamal and PSG's Gianluigi Donarumma among others – and pick who they think will go through to the final. James also gives some insight into the latest sensation from Argentina football after his trip to Buenos Aires. Plus, what is happening with Carlo Ancelotti and Brazil? And who is the man called Trousers who has just won promotion in France? Oh, and with Liam Rosenior signing a new deal at Strasbourg a year after being sacked by Hull, who are on the verge of relegation from the Championship, which other clubs made managerial sackings they lived to regret?TIMECODES 0 mins – Intro, with James talking about his trip to Argentina. Also, where is the presenter? 3 mins – James gives some insight into Franco Mastantuono, the new wonderkid of Argentine football. 6.50 mins – The brilliance of Lamine Yamal – and the difficulties he posed for Inter Milan. And who will go through from the tie? 18 mins – Carlo Ancelotti and the Brazil national job – will it happen? 22 mins – PSG and their win over Arsenal – how good was Gianluigi Donarumma? 33.53 mins – Lorient's promotion – under Mr Pantaloni. 35.26 mins – Liam's Rosenior's new deal and terrible managerial sackings.FOOTBALL COMMENTARIES THIS WEEK Thursday 1st May EUROPA LEAGUE: Athletic Club v Manchester United - LIVE ON 5 LIVE - Ian Dennis and Paul Robinson. EUROPA LEAGUE: Spurs v Bodo Glimt – LIVE ON SPORTS EXTRA - Alistair Bruce-Ball and Rob Green. Saturday 3rd May PREMIER LEAGUE: Everton v Ipswich 1500 KO - LIVE ON 5 LIVE - Conor McNamara and Chris Sutton. PREMIER LEAGUE: Arsenal v Bournemouth 1730 KO - LIVE ON 5 LIVE - John Murray and Rob Green. Sunday 4th May WOMENS SUPER LEAGUE: Manchester United v Manchester City 1200 KO – LIVE ON SPORTS EXTRA - Maz Farookhi and Lindsay Johnson PREMIER LEAGUE: Brighton v Newcastle 1400 KO - LIVE ON 5 LIVE - Alistair Bruce-Ball and TBC PREMIER LEAGUE: Brentford v Manchester United 1400 KO – LIVE ON SPORTS EXTRA - John Acres and Daniel Gabbidon PREMIER LEAGUE: West Ham v Spurs 1400 KO – LIVE ON BBC SPORT WEBSITE - Chris Wise and Matt Jarvis PREMIER LEAGUE: Chelsea v Liverpool 1630 KO - LIVE ON 5 LIVE - John Murray and Pat Nevin.

Laura and Iain dive into the inbox for another unhinged mailbag episode. From dogs with mohawks and a pup in a cup to a goat in trousers to a fake lord who fooled everyone for over two decades - you've sent in some absolute gems. If you want a chance to be featured in our next mailbag episode, email us at lauraandiain@bbc.co.uk

Wowsers in my Trousers!! This is Season 7!! of The LOD Perspective Where the usual "thom" foolery will happen LIVE!! on Tuedays!! We can't wait for you to join us!!We'd like to thank you for watching to this episode of The L.O.D Perspective and hope you have enjoyed it! Why not Like, subscribe and share and listen to our other episodes recorded to the multiple podcast outlets that we're available on, such as Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify and now Amazon Music for example. If you have any questions for the show, topic suggestions, or general inquiries, check out the links below! Email: lodperspective@gmail.com Twitter: https://twitter.com/lo... Join the discussion group or drop your stories or questions at:   / lodperspective     / 10111…   Buy a lovey coffee mug or pair of mighty tighty whitey's from The L.O.D Perspective Podcast Merch at Redbubble! Further Links coming soon.

Welcome back to the LuxeGen Group Chat! In this episode, Sapna sits down with Steph and Anna. Hear about Steph's real-life Harry Styles encounter, Justin Bieber's mysterious new brand teaser, the Warfare film casting all of the internet's boyfriends and how the morning after pill is finally free (but tampons still aren't). They also dive into the Wuthering Heights casting drama with Jacob Elordi and Margot Robbie. Finally, they chat about a brilliant new BBC drama This City is Ours, Netflix's Million Dollar Secret and Married at First Sight Australia. Plus, why Kérastase's Gloss Absolu is the launch to know about… AD | Kerastase | https://www.kerastase.co.uk/ Follow us on:Instagram | https://bit.ly/3X0xm27TikTok | http://bit.ly/3jvwlBEPodcast | https://open.spotify.com/show/60SxAVVuD3LrgLdlKuy3uH Panel:Sapna Rao | @sapna_rao | https://www.instagram.com/sapna_rao ASOS Design Relaxed Shirt & Trousers (alternative) | https://tinyurl.com/5n8cwpf5 Mango Burgundy Loafers | https://www.next.co.uk/style/su547697/am5222 Mango Braided Leather Belt | https://tinyurl.com/mskemmt3 Missoma Medium Hoop Earrings | https://tinyurl.com/2uy9w363 Stephanie Campion | @stephanieblaaa | https://www.instagram.com/stephanieblaaa/ Arket Heavyweight ¾ T-Shirt (similar) | https://tinyurl.com/4vh6zkne COS Elasticated Satin Trousers | https://tinyurl.com/556x4hfr COS Square-Toe Leather Shoes | https://tinyurl.com/539y6nns GG Studios x Olly Quinn Jim Glasses | https://tinyurl.com/2j8ucbsz Anna Aitken | @annalouiseaitken | https://www.instagram.com/annalouiseaitken/ ASOS Maxi Skirt (similar) | https://tinyurl.com/458cbrey H&M Shirt (similar) | https://tinyurl.com/3z2sztp4 H&M Blue Light Glasses | https://tinyurl.com/bdzzw5zf ASOS Design Hoop Earrings (similar) | https://tinyurl.com/bsf5trfc H&M Wedge-Heeled Espadrillas Sandals | https://tinyurl.com/4yzte6sh Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wowsers in my Trousers!! This is Season 7!! of The LOD Perspective Where the usual "thom" foolery will happen LIVE!! on Tuedays!! We can't wait for you to join us!!We'd like to thank you for watching to this episode of The L.O.D Perspective and hope you have enjoyed it! Why not Like, subscribe and share and listen to our other episodes recorded to the multiple podcast outlets that we're available on, such as Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify and now Amazon Music for example. If you have any questions for the show, topic suggestions, or general inquiries, check out the links below! Email: lodperspective@gmail.com Twitter: https://twitter.com/lo... Join the discussion group or drop your stories or questions at:   / lodperspective     / 10111…   Buy a lovey coffee mug or pair of mighty tighty whitey's from The L.O.D Perspective Podcast Merch at Redbubble! Further Links coming soon.

Welcome to MIIEN Notes TV by MIIEN Consultancy founded by personal fashion stylist Mikara Reid. In this video, she provides some color combinations that flatter this colorblocking outfit purple button down shirt & pink trousers by Lutz Huelle (as a style reference for you to get some ideas). Why is it important to wear colors that flatter YOU? Integrating flattering colors into your everyday wardrobe is an effective way to elevate your personal style while enhancing your natural beauty and self-expression. Wearing colors that flatter you enhances your overall appearance when you walk into a room and helps communicate confidence, personality, and style. Discover your fashion identity & individuality with Mikara Reid at MIIEN Consultancy by tapping here to start your personal style journey: bio.site/miien

A Toby Carvery, Breaking news, an Olympic cyclist and the wrong piece of clothing.

Wowsers in my Trousers!! This is Season 7!! of The LOD Perspective Where the usual "thom" foolery will happen LIVE!! on Tuedays!! We can't wait for you to join us!!We'd like to thank you for watching to this episode of The L.O.D Perspective and hope you have enjoyed it! Why not Like, subscribe and share and listen to our other episodes recorded to the multiple podcast outlets that we're available on, such as Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify and now Amazon Music for example. If you have any questions for the show, topic suggestions, or general inquiries, check out the links below! Email: lodperspective@gmail.com Twitter: https://twitter.com/lo... Join the discussion group or drop your stories or questions at:   / lodperspective     / 10111…   Buy a lovey coffee mug or pair of mighty tighty whitey's from The L.O.D Perspective Podcast Merch at Redbubble! Further Links coming soon.

Send us a textTeko & McFlei are back, and the countdown is on! We're just days away from the official Nigel Sylvester "Brick by Brick" Jordan 4 drop, and the guys have pairs in hand for an early review. But the heat doesn't stop there—right around the corner is the Jordan Retro 4 "SB" in White/Navy, dropping March 18th at local skate shops, with rumors of a wider Jordan Brand release soon after. Could this be an early contender for Sneaker of the Year, or is it too soon to call?Since it's officially Air Max Month, the fellas also discuss the upcoming Nike Air Max 95 Corteiz in sleek black premium leather with bold yellow accents. And just when you thought A Ma Maniére was quiet, they're back with a trifecta of heat, dropping an Air Max 95, Air Force 1, and Jordan Retro 3 as part of the "Hand Wash Cold"collection, set to release on March 29th.All this and more on this week's Sneaker Dads Podcast!Support the show

Wowsers in my Trousers!! This is Season 7!! of The LOD Perspective Where the usual "thom" foolery will happen LIVE!! on Tuedays!! We can't wait for you to join us!!We'd like to thank you for watching to this episode of The L.O.D Perspective and hope you have enjoyed it! Why not Like, subscribe and share and listen to our other episodes recorded to the multiple podcast outlets that we're available on, such as Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify and now Amazon Music for example. If you have any questions for the show, topic suggestions, or general inquiries, check out the links below! Email: lodperspective@gmail.com Twitter: https://twitter.com/lo... Join the discussion group or drop your stories or questions at:   / lodperspective     / 10111…   Buy a lovey coffee mug or pair of mighty tighty whitey's from The L.O.D Perspective Podcast Merch at Redbubble! Further Links coming soon.

This week, Carol finds some uncool clobber, Nick also disapproves and they help with artificial intelligence and with annoying tourists

Lettie Pattinson from The Design Studio Hawarden breaks down some fit pics featuring her own TDS Faux Fur Bombers, thrift shop sunnies, bum bags, childhood duvet covers, camo caps and reworked hippy trousers If you love this ep then drop us a comment on YouTube, a review on Apple Podcasts, or a comment on Spotify Get at us on the socials and let us know what you thought, we're @myowngarms everywhereIf you wanna support us with a little donation head to patron.com/myowngarms If you want to advertise with us, slide into the DMs. We'll have a chat.My Own Garms is a video podcast. You can watch on ⁠⁠Spotify⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠. There's gonna be loads of clips on ⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠Insta⁠⁠ (@myowngarms). But if you just want the audio, then you can find us wherever you usually listen to your podcasts.

Wowsers in my Trousers!! This is Season 7!! of The LOD Perspective Where the usual "thom" foolery will happen LIVE!! on Tuedays!! We can't wait for you to join us!!We'd like to thank you for watching to this episode of The L.O.D Perspective and hope you have enjoyed it! Why not Like, subscribe and share and listen to our other episodes recorded to the multiple podcast outlets that we're available on, such as Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify and now Amazon Music for example. If you have any questions for the show, topic suggestions, or general inquiries, check out the links below! Email: lodperspective@gmail.com Twitter: https://twitter.com/lo... Join the discussion group or drop your stories or questions at:  / lodperspective  / 10111… Buy a lovey coffee mug or pair of mighty tighty whitey's from The L.O.D Perspective Podcast Merch at Redbubble! Further Links coming soon.

Manilow saved my trousers, Elephantiasis in the trousers, Dad bod destroyer

Wowsers in my Trousers!! This is Season 7!! of The LOD Perspective Where the usual "thom" foolery will happen LIVE!! on Tuedays!! We can't wait for you to join us!!We'd like to thank you for watching to this episode of The L.O.D Perspective and hope you have enjoyed it! Why not Like, subscribe and share and listen to our other episodes recorded to the multiple podcast outlets that we're available on, such as Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify and now Amazon Music for example. If you have any questions for the show, topic suggestions, or general inquiries, check out the links below! Email: lodperspective@gmail.com Twitter: https://twitter.com/lo... Join the discussion group or drop your stories or questions at:  / lodperspective  / 10111… Buy a lovey coffee mug or pair of mighty tighty whitey's from The L.O.D Perspective Podcast Merch at Redbubble! Further Links coming soon.

Pick And Pat Time 45xxxx xxx 1st Song - Bell Bottom Trousers

This week, Gav educated us on a true hero of Motown – “come in and take a look at your mind!” – we took a trip to Roast-Beef-Land, and Little Simon made his opinion on Cleveleys High Street very clear. Hear Johnny on Radio X every weekday at 4pm across the UK on digital radio, 104.9 FM in London, 97.7 FM in Manchester, on Global Player or via www.radiox.co.uk

This morning, Matt Dyson was back with The Social Ammo and Dave and the team were asking what your home town is best known for!

The whole team is back for the first Brainwaves of the year. Join us as we dive into the latest tabletop gaming news from Hasbro rolling the dice on gambling to chess clashing with the wrong trousers! All this and more on episode 156 of Brainwaves.    Headlines   Hasbro rolls the dice https://igamingbusiness.com/company-news/games-global-unveils-exciting-partnership-with-hasbro/   It's the wrong trousers, Magnus https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c98lkrdkz70o?at_campaign=Social_Flow&at_campaign_type=owned&at_link_origin=BBC_News&at_link_type=web_link&at_bbc_team=editorial&at_ptr_name=facebook_page&at_medium=social&at_link_id=F833A792-C515-11EF-8185-B1A73D8FAC8C&at_format=link&fbclid=IwY2xjawHc7odleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHfJpJBK1_095wLRlZ0rgn0XuT5wKSmFMu7sRbQZwvUsNfJZ-um3pgAI_dA_aem_xoeYbOqeJBjXbqmJHzGhHg   https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/ce8npkrey66o   Vallejo Workers https://www.rascal.news/striking-workers-at-vallejo-paint-factory-claim-victory/ https://spikeybits.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/Vallejo-Statment.png   Updates   Most Monopoly https://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/news/2024/12/owner-of-worlds-largest-monopoly-collection-on-the-hunt-for-holy-grail-of-sets   News   Cardboard Edison Award 2025 Submissions Open https://cardboardedison.com/award https://cardboardedison.com/2025-award-submissions    Jobs, Opportunities, and Events   https://www.facebook.com/groups/TabletopJobs   Protos y Tipos https://asociacionludo.com/actividad/protos-y-tipos Patreon Shoutouts   Kevin Bertram https://www.fortcircle.com/   James Naylor https://naylorgames.com/   Shaun Newman game-a-lot.fun/en facebook.com/gamealotboardgames   Our Patreon https://www.patreon.com/thegiantbrain   Support Us https://giantbrain.co.uk/support-us-new/   Fanroll https://fanrolldice.com/ref/2783/ Sir Meeple https://sirmeeple.com/collections/the-giant-brain   Outro   Monopoly changes the game  https://www.polygon.com/gaming/492505/monopoly-new-version-expansions-announced   Our Links   Thanks very much for listening. If you like what you've listened to then the best way to help us out is to share the podcast and drop us a review and rating on itunes.  You can also follow us on   Oliver: https://tabletopgamesblog.com/ Discord: https://discord.gg/3bMx2HK75r Blusky:https://bsky.app/profile/giantbrain.co.uk Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/giantbrainuk/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thegiantbrain Website: https://giantbrain.co.uk/ Email: giantbrainuk@gmail.com

Another holiday treat for you, Party People--a second feed drop of a show I truly love! Sidequesting is an award-winning scripted fiction podcast about avoiding the main plot and doing sidequests instead. If you love stories of helping people out, and finding the real adventure along the way, you'll love it.Check out Sidequesting at https://sidequestingpod.com/Episode description:which Rion helps a man protect an invention and a wizard make a deal.Transcript here.This episode was written by Draco Aleksander and produced by Tal Minear, with dialogue editing by Brad Colbroock. Old Man Johnson was voiced by Brody Linton, Osric the Mage was voiced by Max Kriesky, the Helpful Passerby was voiced by Aubrey Lima, and the Disgruntled Worker was voiced by Ezra J. Wayne. The voice of Rion was Tal Minear.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/party-of-one-podcast/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Father Christmas enjoys a loving neighborhood couple.Based on a post by Drmaxc. Listen to the ► Podcast at Steamy Stories. Father Christmas' Great Red Coat: A seasonal fantasy Malcolm Butteridge stood in the bathroom of his flat, looking at himself in the mirror. His twinkling blue eyes looked back at him beneath shaggy white eyebrows. He broke into a smile and shook his head. His large white beard moved with it and the light caught and flashed off his spectacles. If he was to don a long red coat with hood and a pair of wellies and step out into the night on Christmas Eve, and the snow, then any child still up, perhaps looking out of the window for reindeer and sleigh, would point wide-eyed at him. He really was the perfect image of Father Christmas (or 'Santa' as seemed to have become the popular term, brought over from the States yet, of course, going back to St. Nicholas and so on). But Malcolm had no long red coat, nor even that modern shorty red and white jacket with trousers - which just did not have the gravitas of the long coat. In fact, he was standing in his bathroom wearing nothing at all. No disguising that white hair was not just to his hair, eyebrows and beard but extended to his chest and, yes, his lamb's wool white pubic curls. Father Christmas with no clothes on and, Malcolm was pleased to see, even feel, a fairly firm erection.'Sit on my knee little lady. 18 years old, are you? Not so little then! Good grades in college, I hope? Now what would you like Santa to bring you?''A nice big cock please, Father Christmas. I want an orgasm and cum as white as your beard.''Plenty of cum, little lady?''Oh yes, Santa, lots, and lots, please. I like cum!'Malcom had a big sack, tucked just below his erection, with a couple of large 'presents' in them, but he was not sure that would be enough. It would be a job for the elves as well: all their ball sacks too! Malcolm found the idea pleasing; the young coed and all that elf-cum, white as snow. He reached and stroked his erection. Even at seventy-five Malcolm liked a good wank with his rather large cock. He liked to read a good bed-time story or even look at a picture book. His big fleshy bag of presents swung with the action.His flat was warm. He had long ago dispensed with pajamas, even bright red ones with white trim, and teeth brushed, and hair and beard combed, he walked from bathroom to bedroom. Hall and bedroom were in darkness. The electric light was not on. There was a reason for that, and it was not simply that once in bed he did not like to get up again to turn the lights off; the reason was rather more interesting. Sometimes, just sometimes, he was able to see into his neighbors' bedroom and not only did Malcolm enjoy a good story or picture book or two, but he liked a bit of a stage show.Sylvie and Elvin were a nice couple. Ever so nice. Friendly and obliging. Might they be shocked to know that beyond sometimes getting groceries and doing other little helpful jobs for Malcolm Butteridge they also provided sexual stimulation and the opportunity for a very nice cum?Perhaps it was because his flat was some way away, perhaps they just did not think Malcolm would use binoculars, but Sylvie and Elvin were not very good at drawing their blinds. Perhaps it was because their bedroom window, or the main one, was in the sloping ceiling of their much-modernized house. It afforded a remarkable view to Malcolm and his strong binoculars. He saw a view of their bed, somewhat from above, and even into the doorway of their bathroom, plus a great deal of the bathroom besides. Some days Sylvie would drift from the bathroom into the bedroom in pajamas or nightie. Other times,And it was not as if Malcolm became all embarrassed or disappointed when Elvin walked from the bathroom naked. Malcolm could appreciate the male body as well. Especially when, Indeed!And there Elvin now was, visible to Malcolm's binoculars. Not a stitch upon him, standing in the doorway of the bathroom with his cock hanging and the young man clearly rather damp from his bath. What a lovely little cock the young man had in its bed of curls. Malcolm imagined reaching out and stroking it. In the glass of his binoculars, it all seemed as if in reach. Curling under penis and balls and holding it in his hand before gently stroking it into tumescence; all delightful five inches of it. Malcolm had seen it before, knew how big it grew. It was not that big. His tongue rolled around his lips touching his moustache and beard. He would like to suck that. It was the right size for sucking, unlike his own rather big cock. It would also be rather nice to rub against his own, perhaps hold them both together in his big fist and stroke. One great big one and one not so very big; firm against each other, being moved in unison.Or, and this was what he really would like to do, ease his big knob into young Sylvie whilst Elvin was already lodged in her ass. Malcolm had never done that; not to Sylvie or, indeed, any other woman. He had always wanted to try double penetration. Not Sylvie's ass for him. Too big for that, he was sure, too big for Elvin's as well! Well, the privilege of age perhaps to take the primary orifice. He would take the front seat and Elvin the back! If only.Malcolm's very large penis strained, and he felt the glass cold against his knob.Joy! There was Sylvie's ass in his binoculars, the one which would be far too tight for his knob. Not too tight to stroke his cock up her ass crack, though, and feel her rubbery but too small anus against his knob. She had come into view and was embracing her man. Malcolm lowered his binoculars and admired Sylvie's ass center stage before raising them again for the detail. She had two delightfully plump and curving cheeks, two perfect dimples above her crack and the divide running down to, yes, he could see curls peeking out between her thighs, they were not exactly squeezed together. He could not see her ass hole, hidden between those two squeezed together cheeks. Malcom did not think his penis would fit, was sure it would not - but that did not mean he did not fancy trying, poking his cock between those cheeks at her little brown star. Malcolm stared, imagining, his cock in his hand and his loose skin sliding over his knob and against the cold window glass. He pulled back exposing the whole cock to the night, the flared corona and the dark purple band as his helmet curved down and then out and around under to the shaft. Convex and then concave, an ogee shape. Perhaps he could push into Sylvie just a little way and squirt!His teeth appeared in a wide smile as he watched Elvin's fingers reach around and clasp Sylvie's twin cheeks. He had before imagined Elvin and Sylvie with headphones and him issuing instructions by radio; him telling them what to do in their bedroom and on their bed. It was a nice idea. Would they, or at least some other couple, like that? Being instructed how to perform sexual acts, placing themselves under another's control. Not even someone in the bedroom, not even being able to see that other person but knowing he could see them as his disembodied voice spoke in their ears. Perhaps a willing cuckold being the observer and controller, actually telling his friend what to do with his wife, telling his wife to suck his friend. Telling his friend when to put it in.Would Elvin do it? Would Elvin pull Sylvie's cheeks apart and expose her anus? What was this? Yes! Malcolm watched with undisguised pleasure as Elvin's knob appeared between Sylvie's thighs. Elvin had erected up and along Sylvie's sex and if not poking right out from her cheeks, his knob was most definitely there. And then Elvin did just what Malcolm wanted; very much as if Elvin did indeed have an earpiece and an instruction had whispered, perhaps a little hoarsely, in his ear. He did indeed pull Sylvie's cheeks apart and there it was so clearly; Sylvie's brown star and, below it, very close, Elvin's swollen knob. Malcolm's tongue came through his lips imagining licking both together, male knob and female anus both fresh from the bath. Up and down, up and down.Against the cold glass of Malcolm's window pre-cum was being smeared by his rubbing cock.Little did Sylvie know just what was revealed to the old man across the lawn and car park. Little did she know he knew by sight every inch of her body; even that particular inch of her body, her ass hole. Nor would she have thought the lovely old man with his ridiculous 'Father Christmas' hair and beard would so love to have entered, perhaps only part penetrated, her ass and released his stuff there. And other places of course. Malcolm would very much have liked to come all over her breasts, filled her mouth with his creamy cum or, of course, managed to get his large cock up into her, probably, rather tight vagina, perhaps after Elvin had helpfully 'eased' it for him.The knob was withdrawn, and Sylvie eased herself around her man who was rather blocking the doorway to the bathroom. In so doing Malcolm could clearly see the change that had come over Elvin. The soft little cock now stood right up. Five inches of real man. He rather hoped Sylvie would kneel down and suck. He liked to see that, liked to imagine Sylvie sucking his own. He was not sure it would fit in her mouth; she might have to merely lick. Elvin seemed to have a very much larger mouth. Perhaps he might like to suck instead, whilst Malcolm watched Sylvie suck Elvin's dick.For a few moments Sylvie was out of sight, perhaps having a little wee in the bathroom, perhaps brushing her hair, perhaps brushing her teeth, perhaps fitting on a strap-on's harness ready to take Elvin from behind. What a thought! Even better if he, Malcolm, could come up behind Sylvie and fuck her as she did it. She in Elvin, he in her.For a few moments it was just Elvin and he standing there. In reality a long way apart and, of course, Elvin had absolutely no idea his exposed erection was being voyeuristically admired; had no idea at all what his neighbor, that so very nice, jolly old boy with the snow-white hair and red cheeks was imagining doing; had no idea what it might feel like to have a very substantial cock pressed hard against his own and for it to rub. Malcolm, though, was imagining just that, and Elvin's penis would be a lot warmer than the, admittedly double glazed, glass he was pressing against; two cocks firm in his fist as he rubbed.Elvin was a good-looking young man with his fair hair, blue eyes, and white skin. Quite a Nordic looking young man, which contrasted nicely with Sylvie's dark hair and browner skin. He was standing directly facing Malcolm so there was no difficulty on Malcolm's part imagining them together, cock to cock. Firm rubbery cock, to firm rubbery cock.The moment passed and Sylvie came back, or at least into the doorway. She stood behind Elvin, reaching around and stroking his erection with her hand. Lovely to have a woman's fur pressed against your ass cheeks, hard nipples pushing into your back and your cock being gently pulled by her hand; Malcolm would have liked that too. Or to stand behind Sylvie, his large penis right up her ass crack, his body pressed into hers and his hand reaching around both her and Elvin to stroke Elvin's cock as if it was really Sylvie's!The amorous couple moved to the bed. Not for a simple cuddle, that was not their style. It was clearly an adventurous marriage. The Karma Sutra and perhaps other instruction and ideas books clearly upon their bookshelf. Elvin lay down and Sylvie got astride him, not on her knees but upon her feet standing on the bed above him. Malcolm was puzzled, but more than a little interested in what would happen. A lovely view of the naked Sylvie from her head to her toes, beneath her Elvin, his feet crossed, and his erection lying up his stomach. Elvin reached up with his left hand to her knee, perhaps to steady Sylvie, and then raised his other hand up between her spread thighs. Malcolm watched with delight as Elvin very clearly began to masturbate his girl, his fingers poking up into her and around her sex. Elvin would have an excellent view of what he was doing, be able to see all of Sylvie's folds and places.Presumably that was why the light was still on. That was certainly more than a help to Malcom too. He could see much and, without harm to them, enjoy borrowed sex, his hand and their exhibition. He was certainly stroking, covering, and uncovering the swollen helmet of his cock.Not only was Elvin's fingers up beyond the fine dark triangle at the center of Sylvie's hips but she was moving them from side to side rhythmically, almost belly dancer like,whilst with both hand she held and played with her two not inconsiderable breasts. There was no weakening of Elvin's erection despite it lying there untouched. Had Malcolm been there in the room it would not have been just lying there. He would have held and stroked, most likely sucked. A nice mouth sized cock, not too large. Malcolm stroked with enthusiasm. He would love to measure his against Elvin's, not that his would not be the winner, by a considerable margin, but so good to feel another's firmness. And then, of course, fuck Sylvie - together.Simply superb to watch Elvin's hand work. He had pulled thumb and all but his forefinger back and was now raising and lowering his finger up into his girl and then down again. So much the motion of sexual intercourse but done with a comparatively thin digit, not a long, thick, and potent cock. Elvin's cock, to be fair, was considerably bigger than his right forefinger but nothing on Malcolm's. He looked down but could barely make it out in the darkness. What would Sylvie make of that if presented to her! Would she not like to be fucked by that? Fucked by Father Christmas' cock.What a lovely shape to her body. Malcom so admired the splay of her hips, her firm but not overlarge thighs, the narrowing at her tummy and her delightful little hidden tummy button and then up to her substantial breasts. Very much a woman and just the sort of woman he would like to fill with his sperm and not spatter the cold glass of his window, as seemed more than likely to follow. Suck Elvin to a conclusion and then fuck Sylvie to his own conclusion. Very nice!Malcolm raised his other hand to steady the binoculars and, also, to prevent him over stroking his cock. Lovely to watch Elvin's hand and fingers moving between the girl's thighs. Up and down. He was not surprised to see the girl move; was not surprised when she settled astride Elvin's face. She would have found that very ticklish had it been Malcolm's face, but Elvin was clean shaven with not so much as a moustache. With Malcolm it would have been a meeting of white hair and black, a mingling of white and black curls as his tongue licked away, penetrating her and no doubt his lips then sucking upon her little button. That, presumably, was just what Elvin was doing.A lovely thing to do, and how Malcolm would have loved to have been in their bedroom with them, by invitation of course, but with Sylvie's sex engaged upon Elvin's face there was not so much of Sylvie to play with, had he been there. But Elvin's penis was untouched. Hidden now behind Sylvie, Malcolm could not see it from his vantage point-- and nor could Elvin. That pleased Malcolm, it gave him ideas. He had a 'thing' about men's penises and him stroking or sucking them, without their knowledge! Not that a man would not know if his penis was being stroked or sucked but the idea that got Malcolm, and he had had plenty of time to think upon it, was of sucking when the man did not know it was another man but thought it his woman or a woman. Best if the man would be appalled at the idea, yet ideally Malcolm bringing the man off unaware. Elvin might be a little surprised to feel another mouth upon his cock whilst tonguing Sylvie.Of course, had Sylvie been the other way around then Elvin would still have been unseeing due to her thighs clamped around his face, but she could have sucked on Elvin as Elvin tongued her, moreover she could have handed Elvin's nice little cock over to Malcolm. He imagined himself creeping, Father Christmas like, into the bedroom at Sylvie's beckoning. Elvin being quite unaware it was not Sylvie now stroking his cock, that it was not Sylvie sucking his knob, not Sylvie fondling his balls, even tickling his little ass hole, nor Sylvie swallowing his spurting, hot cum. A little secret between Father Christmas and herself.The idea was a frequent visitor to Malcolm's head when in bed and when young Elvin and Sylvie did not perform live for his benefit in their bedroom. Malcolm had seen on the 'Net' the idea of the 'milking table,' a massage table with a strategic hole to drop one's penis through, somewhat strangely so the masseuse could suck and make the penis ejaculate whilst the man lay flat upon his stomach. A slightly odd idea because most men would surely be happy enough on their backs or even crouched on hands and knees so able to watch the pretty masseuse working his cock and making it ejaculate. Perhaps there was something more in it for the girl in having a cock disembodied from the man to play with. Nonetheless it seemed a popular idea and it gave the lovely idea, to Malcolm, of the masseuse under the table not alone but with him, and she taking a rest whilst he pretended to be her and played with the man's hanging cock. Even better with two men on side-by-side tables. Perhaps the men nervous of revealing their erections to each other, still less spurting in full view, how embarrassed they would be for the other to see their penis turgid, but happy to lower limp dicks through the holes and chat and joke together perhaps even with a towel nicely hiding each other's buttocks from the other whilst the incredibly beautiful masseuse played with their cocks under the adjoining tables, stroking and sucking them. Content to experience sexual bliss with the other but not having anything seen of their own erect penis, neither rising from the table until safely soft again after the sucking. One man shaking with pleasure whilst his is sucked and telling the other how good it is, little realizing it was Malcolm at work and not the pretty girl. Malcolm with a cock in each hand, big and chunky, his lips around one full knob whilst sliding the foreskin over the other, and why not, the lovely masseuse sucking Malcolm's knob! Of course, the men might feel his beard! 'Just my hair,' she might say, raising her lips from Malcolm's cock. And, after it all, the girl eventually rising with cum upon her lips from under the table, neither man knowing if it was the others, but it being neither, it actually being Malcolm's! All their pent up cum instead in his stomach.Malcolm licked his lips. How good it would be to suck Sylvie's delightful folds and then Elvin's hard cock. Perhaps lick them both together as they fucked. His lips and face intimate with their genitalia, encouraging both into orgasm. He wanked away at his thoughts and the view over the way and through the couple's bedroom window.The ejaculation from Malcolm's penis, when it finally came, was incredibly strong and satisfying. Malcolm had been storing it up for days - that seemed to be the right way to go at his age. He still took an interest in sex most days, but without allowing the final physical act. Edging but not cumming. This one was quite a gusher, it was a pity Sylvie was not there to witness it, or indeed Elvin. A comparison of ejaculations. Malcolm was sure his would be the more prolific. Certainly, from what he had seen through his binoculars he came the better. He had watched Sylvie's hand bring Elvin off before, indeed with Sylvie away, Malcolm had watched Elvin bring himself off more than a few times. He had seen Elvin's penis cumming by Elvin's own hand, and very nice it was too. Plentiful, nonetheless, like his own.Malcolm did not draw the curtains but just climbed into bed, his penis still leaking as it subsided. He would clear up his window glass in the morning. He kept glass cleaner on hand, an unusual thing in a bedroom.Does a voyeur really wish to participate? Or is the pleasure simply in the watching? The safety of observation from a distance and not having to perform. Faced with the reality, the invitation to join in, would many voyeurs find themselves not up to the challenge, their penises failing to rise, not maintaining 'wood', or simply falling away too soon and unfulfilled. Would the reality of the invitation, please do intrude, be too much of a shock? Fantasy easier to cope with than reality.Malcom awoke from sweet dreams and drew his curtains, not to open but to close them. A voyeur does not perhaps wish to be seen! And he was naked. Despite retirement he still undertook some work, and this year, as last, he had indeed been employed in a role suitable to his appearance, Father Christmas at the local department store. Very much a seasonal job. And he did not need to wear a false beard!Let us not imagine Malcom was some creepy old man taking sexual pleasure in having children sit upon his knee. No, absolutely not. Young women maybe, quite a different matter and, almost certainly, he would relish that; but what young mother did that and sit upon his knee? Young men would not go amiss either. Malcolm could certainly imagine fine young men upon his knee - and did.His twinkling and roving eye certainly took in the young mothers, and he stored the memory for 'bedtime' when he could imagine a scene somewhat different from the 'Santa's Grotto' made of tinsel, crepe paper and papier mache at the local department store. His thoughts took him to a rather more realistic grotto or even a cabin away in the wilds of Lapland or somewhere. A snowy landscape through the window and him sitting on a firm wooden chair with a fire burning merrily in the grate. Upon his knee a pretty young woman, maybe a young mother, maybe a pregnant young mother, Malcom rather liked their rounded tummies and what it implied they had been up to. Perhaps getting each to tell him, uncle like, all about it, the impregnation as, maybe, he stroked their 'bump'.Naked, well why not, or at least a pretty light dress with little underneath, the young ass warm upon his knee."And what would you like as a present for Christmas?""A nice dildo please. My boyfriend just doesn't satisfy me."How good to produce one from his sack, despite the wrapping paper its shape obvious. "You can unwrap it now."The girl tearing at the paper, opening the wrapping at the knob end, and then drawing the pretty paper down as if it was a foreskin. Malcolm liked to imagine the dildo as very realistic. Just the sort of cock he would like to hold and play with."It looks a bit big, May I try?"Just the sort of words Malcolm liked to hear, well he had put them in her mouth!The delightful fantasy would go on.Malcolm bathed and breakfasted and got ready to head for the store. A nine to five job which he was very pleased with. It was a pleasant way to spend a day, giving joy to all those children and he had a nice and easy patter. He was very happy in his work. The more so when he discovered who his new assistant, his 'elf' was; the previous girl had been OK but had another rather better paid job to go to and he knew the store had found a replacement. What he had not expected was it to be the girl he had been watching through binoculars the night before, a girl he had seen in her entirety many, many times, a girl whose boyfriend's hand he had watched busy in her sex, the girl he had ejaculated to, very considerably ejaculated the night before, it was Sylvie.Sylvie was less surprised to see him. Malcolm, after all, was perfect for the role, not that Sylvie with her small frame did not fit the popular conception of an elf. Sylvie had rather more on than she had had the night before. She was not just coming out of her bathroom. Already dressed in costume, a nice little green pinafore long dress with a red shirt underneath. Long red socks. She had put her hair into pigtails and a bright red woolly bobble hat surmounted her head. It was all rather pleasing, certainly to a rather randy old gentleman like Malcom.Dressed in his long red, white faux fur edged coat and black shiny boots Malcolm sat upon his 'throne.' He started the day with the hood up as the 'management' expected but that soon came down. The store was not so much warm as hot, certainly in the 'grotto.' Malcolm had quickly realized that wearing trousers, shirt and even jumper underneath was not a good idea. Not one bit. He had become steadily less dressed beneath the great red coat as the days had progressed. Somewhat unusual perhaps but are not ladies near as naked under a dress, so it was hardly different, really. His coat so long there was not a risk of bare knees showing. It was comfortable.Sylvie was really good with the mums and dads and children. Perhaps particularly good with the dads. The day went like clockwork, and everyone was happy. Nice too, to eat lunch in the staff canteen with Sylvie. Great amusement always with the shop assistants and office staff having Father Christmas and his elf waiting at the servery with their trays. So enjoyable to talk to Sylvie.It was a few days later, right at the end of the day when the managing director came into the grotto to talk to Malcolm. His approach very much management by walking around. He was effective. Sylvie edged away leaving the two men talking. The manager was pleased and talked for some time.It was not quite like a theatre at the store, but Malcolm did have a dressing room. The building old and with rather a lot of spare space behind the retail areas. Father Christmas' dressing room came complete with a shower, which was rather good at the end of a hot day. Malcolm walked back to his room from his talk with the MD. His hand reached and turned the door handle and he saw what, in reality he had seen many times before, though Sylvie was not, most certainly not, to know that. It was a rather lovely, brown skinned elf presented to his eyes. Obviously, an elf because of the long red socks reaching to her knees but absolutely nothing else. Sylvie without clothes, Sylvie turning in shock but not before Malcolm had seen and admired, as he often did, her lovely ass.She turned hurriedly so her ass was not on view, a hand reached down and covered her fur whilst another came up to cover breasts.Malcolm was not in the wrong changing room."I, I was just going to borrow the shower. I thought you'd be ages yet and I locked the door." It was not, of course, her changing room. She was not to know the lock did not work. Malcolm stepped through the door and closed it hurriedly so that no one passing could see in. He turned deliberately away from Sylvie towards the door."Oh dear, Sylvie, that's a bit of a shock for an old man! Go on, have your shower. I'm so sorry your changing room doesn't have a shower.""I'm going out this evening, straight from the shop, I thought."&

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It does not do, to speak mockingly of erections.By Drmaxc. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. "Men and their erections,""Men and their erections," Tacey laughed shrilly, "if you could harness them you'd solve the energy crisis. Forget the unpredictability of wind power, their erections rise and fall come sun, come rain, come snow; if you could only capture the energy of all those millions of cocks..."The girls giggled and laughed loudly in their gaggle at the bar. They had drunk too much and were being disrespectful of men. Jonathan did not like it, he expected women to speak of such things, the male sexual organ, in hushed, slightly awed tones: not make silly jokes as if, he paused and took a breath, a 'Teors' was something to laugh about. He used the Old English deliberately. To have used a slang term — a 'cock' as the girl had done, a 'willy' or the like would have been wrong. He gripped his glass; something would need to be done.Entering the subterranean halls of the Knights of the Teorsas always gave Jonathan a particular thrill. Unknown to virtually the whole population of London it was a closely guarded secret, not even disclosed to the authorities. All they knew about was the insignificant little house in a backstreet of Covent Garden and it was to that house that the bills for electricity and the like came. It was an unremarkable house that held a remarkable secret as it gave access, through its cellar, to the ancient home of the Knights, the Great Phallocrypt, a network of rooms, halls and passages built in stone many, many, many years ago.Jonathan was much more than an initiate, a Raphe, more than a mere knight but a man who had crossed the Fraenum, the narrow bridge between the Corpus Cavernosum, the great hall where the knights assembled in their pomp, and the grand domed meeting hall of the inner circle, the Corona, who ruled the order. Jonathan was himself a member of the Corona, albeit its most junior having only been erected to the position a bare month before. He had, by virtue of his status, access to the Grand Master of the Order, the Bacalum, and could speak to him as of right.Dressed in his ceremonial robes, the gold badge of the erect phallus woven in gold thread into the red material, Jonathan strode through the Corpus Cavernosum nodding to knights he met but there was no time to pause and engage in intercourse, he had urgent business, a matter of grave importance to report to the Bacalum himself. Crossing the bridge of the Fraenum still gave him a thrill. How many of the knights achieved that? Such a singular honour; he had been speechless for a full minute when he had been told to prepare himself. How many would ever wear the third gold band around their teors? How many of them were ever able to do the thing he was about to do? To raise the great brass phallic knocker and tap three times on the oaken door of the Lacuna Magna, the Grand Master's private office?As always, the Bacalum was dressed in his ancient robes, beautifully decorated with representations of the ancient Roman god, Priapus, and with his great red curving penile hat making him look so much taller than he actually was. A trick long realised by the designers of uniforms; whether the bearskins of the Guards, the Shako of yesteryear or, indeed, the 'tit' of the London bobby. Shaking his grey head wisely he listened as Jonathan described what he had heard only the night before."It will not do, it will not do." The Baculum's words of wisdom enervated Jonathan."I seek permission to use, to wield, the Great Mesmodildo." The words were out; Jonathan had made the request, an act of considerable presumption in one so junior.There was a sharp intake of breath, the great phallic hat jerked upwards, and the penetrating eyes of the Grand Master seemed to bore right into Jonathan. There was a pause, "It will do."They sat for a few moments in contemplation. On the walls were artists' impressions of wonderful buildings not built. Designs by some of the leading architects of their day for skyscrapers intended to be the tallest buildings in the world in their time, all unmistakeably phallic, as skyscrapers are, but not simply because they were structures pointed at the sky but true erections designed to look like erections, buildings particularly phallic in design. Unrealised plans by Mies Van de Rohe, Frank Lloyd Wright, Colonel Seifert and most recently Sir Norman Foster. Designs the Order had not been able to find sufficient backers to fund; statements to the world not yet realised; buildings intended to awe and strike a proper respectfulness, an understanding of their place in the world, in womankind.The Grand Master rose, drawing his robes around him and walked to a cupboard; opening its black ebonised door he drew out something about a foot long and wrapped in a cloth; with both hands he presented it to Jonathan who, standing, accepted it with a bow. "I shall take the greatest care, Grand Master.""Do."Walking slowly back down the Corpus Cavernosa, Jonathan mused on the wise words of the Bacalum and upon his mission. Tucked into his robes was the ancient object — it would not do for the knights to see that which he had been entrusted or to know it was amongst them.Shedding his ceremonial robes in the outermost halls, where the putative knights, the Raphes, met and took instruction in their twin, wonderfully spherical, meeting rooms, Jonathan ascended back into a rainy, wet London morning; the ancient object tucked in his duffle bag along with his laptop and sandwiches. He had his job in the world outside the Order which he must attend to from 9am to 5pm but then he would commence his mission.It was one thing to hold the Mesmodildo but another to set up the opportunity to use it. Jonathan neither knew where Tacey lived nor worked. He did not actually know her name. His only knowledge was that she sometimes frequented: rather had at least once frequented, the bar where he had heard her disrespectful statement. He should have found out more about her at the time; he realised that now — it would have been better to have gathered more evidence before reporting to the Bacalum — but he had been so incensed, so overcome that he had rushed ahead without careful reflection and contemplation. He would meditate upon it later that evening.Meditation was important to the Order. Sitting cross-legged on a mat woven with ancient designs, a knight would sit in contemplation of his teors until turgidity ensued, that First Wonder of the teors; his thoughts would roam free as he sought to better understand himself, resolve his problems and focus on the baseness of his desires whilst seeking to raise the Primo Cumum, that first flowing of the teors so aptly described as its Second Wonder; lastly came the conclusion of the ritual, the ultimate goal of the meditation—the full flowing of the teors, the Ejaculum, a sight wonderful to behold—when the teors of its own volition would spew forth its seed. Putative knights worked hard at achieving this, many sitting for hours trying to create in their heads the necessary images; erotic images necessarily to achieve the apparently spontaneous Ejaculum.At first, and Jonathan had to admit he was as one with them, putative knights would use the Manualum or hand to achieve the necessary final stimulation; but he had achieved so much more -- the result of hard work and dedication. Often appropriate texts or images were used, spread before the knight or novice to assist in his meditation. The Library of the Order, the Curiosa, contained many volumes and meditational material.Traditionally the knight would bow his head and orally accept the bounty of the Ejaculum. Ancient manuscripts, some written in Latin, some Sanskrit testified to this and the beautiful coloured illustrations showed no less. A variant much favoured in the modern Corona, and therefore too the Corpus Cavernosa, was the Art of Felicitation, requiring extensive practice, much suppleness of the body and, Jonathan admitted, a long teors. He, himself, had only managed the briefest of Teorsic Kiss at the moment of Ejaculum but the Bacalum and a few others of the Corona, knights of great experience, could hold the rounded terminus of their teors orally at the moment of the Third Wonder, an ideal act permitting the recycling of the seed so not one drop was lost to the body.Jonathan was lucky, very lucky. Inevitably he had returned to the very bar of Tacey's misdeed as the only reference point he had in relation to her; had sat there nursing a beer and wondering if he would have to use the power of the Mesmodildo on the very pretty bar girl who had, he recalled, been there on the previous night. Perhaps she would know about the disrespectful girl; know who she was and where she lived — and her name. The entrance of Tacey saved the need. It was a relief to Jonathan — the pretty bar girl with the large breasts might not have known anything about the disrespectful girl and left him with no obvious lead in his quest; it also saved the seed he might well have lost to her in the course of extracting the information; she was, after all, very pretty and perhaps worthy of the honour.Tacey moved across the room and sat on a bar stool, her long legs crossed one over the other drawing up the material of her trouser leg revealing a particularly fine pair of high heeled shoes—clearly new by the sight of the soles and undoubtedly expensive.Not for the first time Jonathan wondered both at the impudence and the illogicality of women. There sat the girl in a suit of clothes but with trousers not a skirt. Trousers were a male prerogative and unsuited to women; they were for men. A skirt would have shown her new shoes off but instead they were largely hidden by the trousers. What was the sense in buying shoes to be noticed and then wearing trousers? There was no logic. The girl would look better without the trousers. In his mind he imagined the girl naked but for the shoes; it was an appropriate image he would use for meditation later. He looked down at his own sensible, solid black shoes largely hidden by his own trousers — and that was perhaps just as well. He mentally gave himself a note to polish them in the morning—it was a task he tended to overlook though it would not do to keep the dome of his teors unpolished.A further shock came to Jonathan; instead of a white wine spritzer or some expensive but brightly coloured vodka concoction in a pretty bottle, the girl had ordered beer: not just a half but a whole pint. She was drinking beer from a pint glass! Had she no shame?Jonathan got up and walked across to her, "I have something to show you," he said without introduction and in a deep impressive voice.Tacey looked Jonathan up and down for a moment and then burst into laughter, "Ooh, you little pervert, you!" She seemed to find the whole scene very funny indeed. Jonathan was affronted. What had he said?"Well, what do you want? Who are you?" She said.It was not going well; it should be he who was asking the questions. As the Bacalum had wisely said, "it would not do." Slowly he drew from his duffle bag an object wrapped in a cloth. "I have this to show you," Jonathan said mysteriously, drawing the cloth down the object a little way.Tacey had never seen the like. It was a pearl, a great creamy, misty pearl; far, far bigger than any she had seen before; a pearl far bigger than the cultivated pearls of her best necklace; a pearl far bigger than the one Great Aunt Agatha used to wear when she, Tacey, was little and had so fascinated her on visits. Within it, great streamy swirls of creamy clouds seemed to move, captivating her, capturing her eye; she found it difficult to look away from the pearl, to stop watching the moving clouds of cream that appeared to roll around the jewel.Gradually Jonathan drew down the material covering the object and whilst her eyes could not leave the pearl she could see it was mounted on gold, indeed atop a golden acorn... or was it an acorn? As the material rolled back Tacey realised it was not so much an acorn as the bulbous end to a golden penis — a golden erect penis in exquisite detail surmounted by a great pearl; a pearl representing, quite clearly to her eye now, the bubbling up of semen or rather, what did they call it, yes, it was the 'pre-cum.' She was both shocked and fascinated; her eyes could not draw away and leave the pearl with its swirls of milky cream. Her mind was being taken.Jonathan watched Tacey's reaction; it was how it should be, no woman could resist the Great Mesmodildo, their pretty eyes were drawn to the pearl like moths to a candle and next would come the longing, a certain dryness of the mouth, an increasing need for something they could not quite place—it was no less than the desire for the milk of a man, a teosic longing in their loins. Jonathan had no need to completely un-sheathe the artefact, to reveal its shining golden glory, merely sliding back the material to expose the bulbous head was sufficientTracey's tongue moved slowly across her lips; they felt dry."Shall we sit over there, somewhere more private?" Jonathan sheathed the Mesmodildo. He had taken command of the situation.Tacey took a large swig of beer to ease the sudden dryness in her throat and followed him without question.Once again Jonathan eased back the covering revealing the golden head mounted with its strange pearl. Tacey stared; images of ejaculating penises came flooding into her mind and the thought of taking the head of this gold penis into her mouth, stroking it with her tongue, feeling the sensual smoothness of the pearl—smooth, yes smooth like... like... semen. Her nipples pricked at the material of her bra, they felt as hard as iron or, indeed, the gold of the strange penis before her. Within her panties, the new purple pair her especial friend, Diane, had bought her, she was flowing. Already the material felt soaked as if newly from the wash; it would seep into her trousers—an embarrassing wet stain."May I, may I please suck it," she asked in a small, little girl's voice.Jonathan smiled to himself. It was more like pleading. How easy these women were taken, how powerful the Mesmodildo, how easily their minds were beaten and taken and their lust aroused. In a moment she would be pleading with him to let her suck his teors, desperate to take his seed and feel it slipping down her throat. But now was not the time and not just because they were in a public bar.The bar actually was empty but for the pretty bar girl and the Mesmodildo would handle her easily. Jonathan looked again at her and thought that perhaps another time, if he had not returned the Mesmodildo, he would like to use the artefact upon her and see her kneeling before him."You may," he replied and held it for her, still wrapped, with just the very end, the beautifully rounded head showing, and watched as she made the proper rounded shape with her mouth, the Teoric Circle, that women must make, before bowing her head down and absorbing the smooth gold head. He could imagine within her mouth the rapid flicking tongue; all women did this; the tip caressing the smoothness of the pear imagining it a continuous spurt of male milk to assuage their desperate thirst.Gently he pulled, extracting the Mesmodildo. He liked the need to pull a little to overcome the natural suction of the girl wishing to retain the object. It was a pleasant resistance.Tacey looked up at him, her eyes wide and doe like, her mouth still in the shape of the Teorsic Circle ready for the Mesmodildo, his own teors or, indeed, any other teors. It was a temptation. So very pleasant to have been able to disrobe, but not there, and place his own teors in this girl's mouth; feel her tongue seeking the milk, trying to enter the very end of his teors; feeling the Second Wonder rising and watching, as his teors rested on her tongue, the small first clear drop of the Teorsic Fluid seep and run down from the acorn head; the sudden stiffening as the tongue tasted and induced a frenzy of sucking.From the bar the other girl stared. What had that man offered the girl to eat and why did her face now hold the expression of some plastic inflatable sex doll?"Come," he said — and she almost did — the feeling of arousal was so strong, but he meant for her to follow.It was but a short taxi ride; though Tacey would remember nothing of it nor walking into a small building and down some steps — the stone steps to the Great Phallocrypt, Jonathan leading her by the hand.It might have been thought that no women would have been permitted to enter the ancient halls of the Order. Certainly they could not be of the Order, being mere women and lacking teorsas though it was said in times past there had been exceptions; women who would rather have been men; women with slim boyish hips and small breasts who had worn cunningly made simulated, pseudo-teorsas and had been more than happy to join in the male rituals sometimes made upon and with other members of their sex. This, though, was most certainly not permitted by the current and recent Bacala.It was possible, though, for women to be brought for judgement, correction or punishment: but not for pleasure. It should not be thought the Order was in any way a society for 'randy' old men to enjoy countless women in a social way, a sort of 'Hellfire Club' or opportunity for hedonistic orgiastic activity. The Order's purposes were profound, mysterious and extremely serious. Any sexual gratification was a by-product, almost an accident: though to achieve the First, Second and Third Wonders of the Teors erotic thoughts a plenty were needed and sexual activity was something the knights were required to undertake regularly and in a brotherly fashion. The Wonders of the Teors, after all, had their root in sexual activity.It was appropriate for Jonathan to undress Tacey. It would not do for her to be presented to the Knights in clothes from the city above, least of all in that so wrong trouser suit. She needed to be modestly clad in a simple cream linen shift, a shapeless garment hiding her womanly attributes from the knights. First, though, she needed to be ritually washed; like the undressing it was a task Jonathan would need to undertake and it was a task he did not shirk. There were no female attendants in the Phallocrypt to assist female 'visitors' and, as Tacey was his charge, Jonathan would need to perform the ceremony. He led her into a side chamber, stone vaulted and with a stone bath sunken into the floor. The water splashed into the bath and Jonathan added scents of sandalwood, carbolic and spice.Firstly Jonathan undressed, glad to be free of his workaday clothes ready to dress in the wonderful robes of the Order; it was better for him to be naked whilst bathing Tacey as it would not do to wet his robes. Tacey stood motionless in her trouser suit, still with the Teorsic Circle fixed to her face but her eyes betrayed intelligence behind her fixed expression. It was right for her to be conscious, she now needed to remember the lessons she would be taught. He knew her eyes would be staring at his teors, she could not help it and it was right for women to focus on the teors, to think about its beauty and power. Generously, as he began to take off Tacey's jacket he permitted his teors to rise to help give her focus and bring her back from her Mesmodildo induced trance. His penis swayed magnificently and he paused to watch it in one of the many mirrors of the bath house. Inevitably she would compare it to her own biologically comparable but so much inferior organ, the Clitoris. Almost unnoticeable in some women, a mere pimple in others but for some there was an element of size, a proto-teors but, obviously, none could stand comparison with the Teors. The Bacalum was most particular and expected the size of the erect clitoris to be established and recorded. He thought it important. Jonathan was skilled in this and had a Clitometer ready.Jonathan fumbled at Tacey's bra strap. He always had difficulty with these and then pulled down her panties. Jonathan took a step back and frowned, staring at the naked girl and particularly her pudenda. Her pubic hair had been shaved into a long vertical band rising up with her Cleft of Venus. To Jonathan the upright band had an inappropriate element of the Teors about it, a column of dark curly hair standing vertically up her pubis—did it not represent a Teors—that great column of the male? Why even the top of the column, below her navel seemed rounded. Was this sign of her further disrespect or quite the opposite, a mark of respect? Jonathan did not know. He was torn between seeking out the Bacalum and asking, but thereby displaying ignorance, or leaving be, but that seemed indecisive. Perhaps it would be best for Tacey if he assumed the worse and shaved off the offending symbol leaving her pudenda naked of hair. The Bacalum, he knew, preferred girls like that— innocent and pure was Jonathan's understanding of his reasons.Leading Tacey by the hand into the water Jonathan picked up the soap and began to lather Tacey's skin. It was not an unpleasant task feeling his hands sliding over her smooth young skin, leaving no place uncleansed, but taking especial trouble over the ritualistic four parts of the woman's body which required greatest care—the nipples, the bottom and the pudenda. A full minute being allotted to each in the proper order. First the left nipple, then the right, followed by the bottom and lastly the pudenda. Jonathan looked into Tacey's eyes and saw considerable surprise as his right index finger, liberally coated in soap, slipped up her bottom. It was appropriate. A woman should be surprised at the unexpected acts of a man.Finally Jonathan washed Tacey's hair, lathering it enthusiastically as he stood and she knelt in the bath in the proper position a woman should take when a man is shampooing her hair. Equally properly Jonathan placed his teors between Tacey's lips, still in the Teorsic Circle, and pushed. A woman should always suck the man's teors when he is washing her hair. It was clearly shown in the old manuscripts. Tacey reacted rather dopily but instinctively seeking the Teorsic Fluid. It was not, though, appropriate yet.The full minute spent soapily washing, shaving and examining Tracey's pudenda also ensured, had the Mesmodildo not done its arousing work, the clitoris was fully erect. Drying Tacey with towels he had her lie down and open her legs wide, giving him not only full access but a full view of her sex. He readied his instrument, his Clitometer, adjusting the wheels and shiny metal dividers to measure both circumference and length. The cold metal touched Tacey's sensitive button and she winced slightly. "Why?" she said in a slightly slurred voice. Her faculties were returning."Because it is necessary." He was being kind. It was not necessary to answer a woman's questions or even to listen to her.The last part of the preparation now needed to be undertaken. Jonathan brought Tacey to a curved marble saddle surmounted by a gorgeous golden teors. Of realistic size; unlike many of the beautiful representations in the halls; not too large because this had to fit all women; and more stylistic in design than many more faithful depictions. It was in an art nouveau style which so fitted the curving nature of the teors and the artist had taken liberty with his depiction of the glans which swept unusually far down the shaft giving a particularly streamlined look. A beautiful object which would give any women great pleasure to mount. Carefully he sat Tacey astride ensuring she lowered herself so the teors pushed up inside her. Instinctively, as before, Tacey began to ride the teors. Jonathan smiled a little in pity. Women had such a need for and such a longing to steal the Teorsic Fluid. They could not help themselves.Jonathan depressed a lever and Tacey betrayed surprise. It was not Teorsic Fluid but a sweet Almond oil that was being injected by the golden teors into her as she rode. A cunning contraption pumped out the oil in carefully regulated spurts mimicking the Third Wonder but in a profusion only the most adept knights were able to achieve—and the truth was that Jonathan was not one of them; much to his chagrin. He was, though, working at raising his TFL, performing the exercises at morning and night. He carefully recorded the outcome in a spreadsheet stored on his laptop and the chart did show a rising trend. (TFL = Teorsic Fluid Level).The purpose of the Almond ejaculation was not the pleasure of the women, or deceiving her she had taken Teorsic Fluid, but to prepare her. In Tacey's case the Mesmodildo had caused her to literally drip but the liberal amount of Almond oil being pumped into her would ensure ease of teorsic insertion and a most appropriate sheen of oily lubrication running down the inside of her thighs. The Order expected not just the substance but the appearance of things and it was so very important for a woman appearing before the massed knights not only to be massively aroused by the honour shown but to visibly demonstrate it as well.Prepared, Jonathan dressed Tacey in the linen shift and finished his own ritual. Washed, he merely needed to don the badges of his rank and his robes. At the very base of his teorsic shaft, indeed clasping it tightly behind his scrotum, he tied, with leather thongs, a thin leather belt encircling the shaft forcing the scrotum forwards and the testes into greater prominence. It was the first symbol of a member of the Order and many wore it ordinarily under their street clothes.From a small red leather box Jonathon drew out three intricately engraved gold rings, rings prepared by the Order's goldsmith—a member himself. The first ring for a raphe, the second for a knight and the third ring for a member of the Corona. Jonathan had not possessed the third ring for long, indeed had only recently been erected to the Corona, and was only just getting used to wearing it tightly and impressively below his glans. Lifting his now unerect teors by the prepuce, with an ease gained by long practice Jonathan slipped the first, second and then third ring down the shaft and willed the First Wonder. His teors rose proudly, the flesh expanding into the rings so they were held tightly in their allotted positions as if the shaft was bound in gold. His teors looked magnificent in the mirror; Jonathan admired himself turning to the right and left as if trying on a new suit of clothes; it was big, knurled by veins, beautifully banded in gold and surmounted by the shiny purple head with its eye of mystery. It never ceased to impress him.Only the Bacalum wore the fifth symbol, a gold, bejewelled hat or helmet sitting atop his teors-head.Pulling on his great red robe Jonathan was prepared and led Tacey out into the great hall of the knights, the Corpus Cavernosum. The Knights of the Teorsas were assembled and waiting.The grand phallic ritual is concluded.The shock to Tacey must have been immense, shock and awe at walking into such a beautiful stone vaulted place and seeing the knights and raphes, perhaps a hundred in all, standing in their red robes watching her, their eyes focused just upon her; and, at their centre, the figure of the Bacalum looking so serene and wonderful in his great curving red penile hat. Jonathan could not but sense what she was feeling as he led her down the massed rows of the knights. Certainly her eyes were wide.A low chanting filled the hall as Jonathan led Tacey forward to the centre of the hall. Speaking in a clear voice he outlined to the assembly Tacey's grave misdemeanour. It was certain, very certain they were not pleased and Jonathan felt for Tacey as she must now realise how great was her error, how unwise and wrong it was to speak lightly of the teors and in a flippant manner. It was possible she thought herself there for punishment but that was not often the way of the Order. Perhaps once upon a time Tacey would have been bound tightly and her bottom roundly punished as the Knights watched; the sight of a helpless, naked, bound girl wriggling under torment greatly assisting their meditation.

It does not do, to speak mockingly of erections.By Drmaxc. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. "Men and their erections,""Men and their erections," Tacey laughed shrilly, "if you could harness them you'd solve the energy crisis. Forget the unpredictability of wind power, their erections rise and fall come sun, come rain, come snow; if you could only capture the energy of all those millions of cocks..."The girls giggled and laughed loudly in their gaggle at the bar. They had drunk too much and were being disrespectful of men. Jonathan did not like it, he expected women to speak of such things, the male sexual organ, in hushed, slightly awed tones: not make silly jokes as if, he paused and took a breath, a 'Teors' was something to laugh about. He used the Old English deliberately. To have used a slang term — a 'cock' as the girl had done, a 'willy' or the like would have been wrong. He gripped his glass; something would need to be done.Entering the subterranean halls of the Knights of the Teorsas always gave Jonathan a particular thrill. Unknown to virtually the whole population of London it was a closely guarded secret, not even disclosed to the authorities. All they knew about was the insignificant little house in a backstreet of Covent Garden and it was to that house that the bills for electricity and the like came. It was an unremarkable house that held a remarkable secret as it gave access, through its cellar, to the ancient home of the Knights, the Great Phallocrypt, a network of rooms, halls and passages built in stone many, many, many years ago.Jonathan was much more than an initiate, a Raphe, more than a mere knight but a man who had crossed the Fraenum, the narrow bridge between the Corpus Cavernosum, the great hall where the knights assembled in their pomp, and the grand domed meeting hall of the inner circle, the Corona, who ruled the order. Jonathan was himself a member of the Corona, albeit its most junior having only been erected to the position a bare month before. He had, by virtue of his status, access to the Grand Master of the Order, the Bacalum, and could speak to him as of right.Dressed in his ceremonial robes, the gold badge of the erect phallus woven in gold thread into the red material, Jonathan strode through the Corpus Cavernosum nodding to knights he met but there was no time to pause and engage in intercourse, he had urgent business, a matter of grave importance to report to the Bacalum himself. Crossing the bridge of the Fraenum still gave him a thrill. How many of the knights achieved that? Such a singular honour; he had been speechless for a full minute when he had been told to prepare himself. How many would ever wear the third gold band around their teors? How many of them were ever able to do the thing he was about to do? To raise the great brass phallic knocker and tap three times on the oaken door of the Lacuna Magna, the Grand Master's private office?As always, the Bacalum was dressed in his ancient robes, beautifully decorated with representations of the ancient Roman god, Priapus, and with his great red curving penile hat making him look so much taller than he actually was. A trick long realised by the designers of uniforms; whether the bearskins of the Guards, the Shako of yesteryear or, indeed, the 'tit' of the London bobby. Shaking his grey head wisely he listened as Jonathan described what he had heard only the night before."It will not do, it will not do." The Baculum's words of wisdom enervated Jonathan."I seek permission to use, to wield, the Great Mesmodildo." The words were out; Jonathan had made the request, an act of considerable presumption in one so junior.There was a sharp intake of breath, the great phallic hat jerked upwards, and the penetrating eyes of the Grand Master seemed to bore right into Jonathan. There was a pause, "It will do."They sat for a few moments in contemplation. On the walls were artists' impressions of wonderful buildings not built. Designs by some of the leading architects of their day for skyscrapers intended to be the tallest buildings in the world in their time, all unmistakeably phallic, as skyscrapers are, but not simply because they were structures pointed at the sky but true erections designed to look like erections, buildings particularly phallic in design. Unrealised plans by Mies Van de Rohe, Frank Lloyd Wright, Colonel Seifert and most recently Sir Norman Foster. Designs the Order had not been able to find sufficient backers to fund; statements to the world not yet realised; buildings intended to awe and strike a proper respectfulness, an understanding of their place in the world, in womankind.The Grand Master rose, drawing his robes around him and walked to a cupboard; opening its black ebonised door he drew out something about a foot long and wrapped in a cloth; with both hands he presented it to Jonathan who, standing, accepted it with a bow. "I shall take the greatest care, Grand Master.""Do."Walking slowly back down the Corpus Cavernosa, Jonathan mused on the wise words of the Bacalum and upon his mission. Tucked into his robes was the ancient object — it would not do for the knights to see that which he had been entrusted or to know it was amongst them.Shedding his ceremonial robes in the outermost halls, where the putative knights, the Raphes, met and took instruction in their twin, wonderfully spherical, meeting rooms, Jonathan ascended back into a rainy, wet London morning; the ancient object tucked in his duffle bag along with his laptop and sandwiches. He had his job in the world outside the Order which he must attend to from 9am to 5pm but then he would commence his mission.It was one thing to hold the Mesmodildo but another to set up the opportunity to use it. Jonathan neither knew where Tacey lived nor worked. He did not actually know her name. His only knowledge was that she sometimes frequented: rather had at least once frequented, the bar where he had heard her disrespectful statement. He should have found out more about her at the time; he realised that now — it would have been better to have gathered more evidence before reporting to the Bacalum — but he had been so incensed, so overcome that he had rushed ahead without careful reflection and contemplation. He would meditate upon it later that evening.Meditation was important to the Order. Sitting cross-legged on a mat woven with ancient designs, a knight would sit in contemplation of his teors until turgidity ensued, that First Wonder of the teors; his thoughts would roam free as he sought to better understand himself, resolve his problems and focus on the baseness of his desires whilst seeking to raise the Primo Cumum, that first flowing of the teors so aptly described as its Second Wonder; lastly came the conclusion of the ritual, the ultimate goal of the meditation—the full flowing of the teors, the Ejaculum, a sight wonderful to behold—when the teors of its own volition would spew forth its seed. Putative knights worked hard at achieving this, many sitting for hours trying to create in their heads the necessary images; erotic images necessarily to achieve the apparently spontaneous Ejaculum.At first, and Jonathan had to admit he was as one with them, putative knights would use the Manualum or hand to achieve the necessary final stimulation; but he had achieved so much more -- the result of hard work and dedication. Often appropriate texts or images were used, spread before the knight or novice to assist in his meditation. The Library of the Order, the Curiosa, contained many volumes and meditational material.Traditionally the knight would bow his head and orally accept the bounty of the Ejaculum. Ancient manuscripts, some written in Latin, some Sanskrit testified to this and the beautiful coloured illustrations showed no less. A variant much favoured in the modern Corona, and therefore too the Corpus Cavernosa, was the Art of Felicitation, requiring extensive practice, much suppleness of the body and, Jonathan admitted, a long teors. He, himself, had only managed the briefest of Teorsic Kiss at the moment of Ejaculum but the Bacalum and a few others of the Corona, knights of great experience, could hold the rounded terminus of their teors orally at the moment of the Third Wonder, an ideal act permitting the recycling of the seed so not one drop was lost to the body.Jonathan was lucky, very lucky. Inevitably he had returned to the very bar of Tacey's misdeed as the only reference point he had in relation to her; had sat there nursing a beer and wondering if he would have to use the power of the Mesmodildo on the very pretty bar girl who had, he recalled, been there on the previous night. Perhaps she would know about the disrespectful girl; know who she was and where she lived — and her name. The entrance of Tacey saved the need. It was a relief to Jonathan — the pretty bar girl with the large breasts might not have known anything about the disrespectful girl and left him with no obvious lead in his quest; it also saved the seed he might well have lost to her in the course of extracting the information; she was, after all, very pretty and perhaps worthy of the honour.Tacey moved across the room and sat on a bar stool, her long legs crossed one over the other drawing up the material of her trouser leg revealing a particularly fine pair of high heeled shoes—clearly new by the sight of the soles and undoubtedly expensive.Not for the first time Jonathan wondered both at the impudence and the illogicality of women. There sat the girl in a suit of clothes but with trousers not a skirt. Trousers were a male prerogative and unsuited to women; they were for men. A skirt would have shown her new shoes off but instead they were largely hidden by the trousers. What was the sense in buying shoes to be noticed and then wearing trousers? There was no logic. The girl would look better without the trousers. In his mind he imagined the girl naked but for the shoes; it was an appropriate image he would use for meditation later. He looked down at his own sensible, solid black shoes largely hidden by his own trousers — and that was perhaps just as well. He mentally gave himself a note to polish them in the morning—it was a task he tended to overlook though it would not do to keep the dome of his teors unpolished.A further shock came to Jonathan; instead of a white wine spritzer or some expensive but brightly coloured vodka concoction in a pretty bottle, the girl had ordered beer: not just a half but a whole pint. She was drinking beer from a pint glass! Had she no shame?Jonathan got up and walked across to her, "I have something to show you," he said without introduction and in a deep impressive voice.Tacey looked Jonathan up and down for a moment and then burst into laughter, "Ooh, you little pervert, you!" She seemed to find the whole scene very funny indeed. Jonathan was affronted. What had he said?"Well, what do you want? Who are you?" She said.It was not going well; it should be he who was asking the questions. As the Bacalum had wisely said, "it would not do." Slowly he drew from his duffle bag an object wrapped in a cloth. "I have this to show you," Jonathan said mysteriously, drawing the cloth down the object a little way.Tacey had never seen the like. It was a pearl, a great creamy, misty pearl; far, far bigger than any she had seen before; a pearl far bigger than the cultivated pearls of her best necklace; a pearl far bigger than the one Great Aunt Agatha used to wear when she, Tacey, was little and had so fascinated her on visits. Within it, great streamy swirls of creamy clouds seemed to move, captivating her, capturing her eye; she found it difficult to look away from the pearl, to stop watching the moving clouds of cream that appeared to roll around the jewel.Gradually Jonathan drew down the material covering the object and whilst her eyes could not leave the pearl she could see it was mounted on gold, indeed atop a golden acorn... or was it an acorn? As the material rolled back Tacey realised it was not so much an acorn as the bulbous end to a golden penis — a golden erect penis in exquisite detail surmounted by a great pearl; a pearl representing, quite clearly to her eye now, the bubbling up of semen or rather, what did they call it, yes, it was the 'pre-cum.' She was both shocked and fascinated; her eyes could not draw away and leave the pearl with its swirls of milky cream. Her mind was being taken.Jonathan watched Tacey's reaction; it was how it should be, no woman could resist the Great Mesmodildo, their pretty eyes were drawn to the pearl like moths to a candle and next would come the longing, a certain dryness of the mouth, an increasing need for something they could not quite place—it was no less than the desire for the milk of a man, a teosic longing in their loins. Jonathan had no need to completely un-sheathe the artefact, to reveal its shining golden glory, merely sliding back the material to expose the bulbous head was sufficientTracey's tongue moved slowly across her lips; they felt dry."Shall we sit over there, somewhere more private?" Jonathan sheathed the Mesmodildo. He had taken command of the situation.Tacey took a large swig of beer to ease the sudden dryness in her throat and followed him without question.Once again Jonathan eased back the covering revealing the golden head mounted with its strange pearl. Tacey stared; images of ejaculating penises came flooding into her mind and the thought of taking the head of this gold penis into her mouth, stroking it with her tongue, feeling the sensual smoothness of the pearl—smooth, yes smooth like... like... semen. Her nipples pricked at the material of her bra, they felt as hard as iron or, indeed, the gold of the strange penis before her. Within her panties, the new purple pair her especial friend, Diane, had bought her, she was flowing. Already the material felt soaked as if newly from the wash; it would seep into her trousers—an embarrassing wet stain."May I, may I please suck it," she asked in a small, little girl's voice.Jonathan smiled to himself. It was more like pleading. How easy these women were taken, how powerful the Mesmodildo, how easily their minds were beaten and taken and their lust aroused. In a moment she would be pleading with him to let her suck his teors, desperate to take his seed and feel it slipping down her throat. But now was not the time and not just because they were in a public bar.The bar actually was empty but for the pretty bar girl and the Mesmodildo would handle her easily. Jonathan looked again at her and thought that perhaps another time, if he had not returned the Mesmodildo, he would like to use the artefact upon her and see her kneeling before him."You may," he replied and held it for her, still wrapped, with just the very end, the beautifully rounded head showing, and watched as she made the proper rounded shape with her mouth, the Teoric Circle, that women must make, before bowing her head down and absorbing the smooth gold head. He could imagine within her mouth the rapid flicking tongue; all women did this; the tip caressing the smoothness of the pear imagining it a continuous spurt of male milk to assuage their desperate thirst.Gently he pulled, extracting the Mesmodildo. He liked the need to pull a little to overcome the natural suction of the girl wishing to retain the object. It was a pleasant resistance.Tacey looked up at him, her eyes wide and doe like, her mouth still in the shape of the Teorsic Circle ready for the Mesmodildo, his own teors or, indeed, any other teors. It was a temptation. So very pleasant to have been able to disrobe, but not there, and place his own teors in this girl's mouth; feel her tongue seeking the milk, trying to enter the very end of his teors; feeling the Second Wonder rising and watching, as his teors rested on her tongue, the small first clear drop of the Teorsic Fluid seep and run down from the acorn head; the sudden stiffening as the tongue tasted and induced a frenzy of sucking.From the bar the other girl stared. What had that man offered the girl to eat and why did her face now hold the expression of some plastic inflatable sex doll?"Come," he said — and she almost did — the feeling of arousal was so strong, but he meant for her to follow.It was but a short taxi ride; though Tacey would remember nothing of it nor walking into a small building and down some steps — the stone steps to the Great Phallocrypt, Jonathan leading her by the hand.It might have been thought that no women would have been permitted to enter the ancient halls of the Order. Certainly they could not be of the Order, being mere women and lacking teorsas though it was said in times past there had been exceptions; women who would rather have been men; women with slim boyish hips and small breasts who had worn cunningly made simulated, pseudo-teorsas and had been more than happy to join in the male rituals sometimes made upon and with other members of their sex. This, though, was most certainly not permitted by the current and recent Bacala.It was possible, though, for women to be brought for judgement, correction or punishment: but not for pleasure. It should not be thought the Order was in any way a society for 'randy' old men to enjoy countless women in a social way, a sort of 'Hellfire Club' or opportunity for hedonistic orgiastic activity. The Order's purposes were profound, mysterious and extremely serious. Any sexual gratification was a by-product, almost an accident: though to achieve the First, Second and Third Wonders of the Teors erotic thoughts a plenty were needed and sexual activity was something the knights were required to undertake regularly and in a brotherly fashion. The Wonders of the Teors, after all, had their root in sexual activity.It was appropriate for Jonathan to undress Tacey. It would not do for her to be presented to the Knights in clothes from the city above, least of all in that so wrong trouser suit. She needed to be modestly clad in a simple cream linen shift, a shapeless garment hiding her womanly attributes from the knights. First, though, she needed to be ritually washed; like the undressing it was a task Jonathan would need to undertake and it was a task he did not shirk. There were no female attendants in the Phallocrypt to assist female 'visitors' and, as Tacey was his charge, Jonathan would need to perform the ceremony. He led her into a side chamber, stone vaulted and with a stone bath sunken into the floor. The water splashed into the bath and Jonathan added scents of sandalwood, carbolic and spice.Firstly Jonathan undressed, glad to be free of his workaday clothes ready to dress in the wonderful robes of the Order; it was better for him to be naked whilst bathing Tacey as it would not do to wet his robes. Tacey stood motionless in her trouser suit, still with the Teorsic Circle fixed to her face but her eyes betrayed intelligence behind her fixed expression. It was right for her to be conscious, she now needed to remember the lessons she would be taught. He knew her eyes would be staring at his teors, she could not help it and it was right for women to focus on the teors, to think about its beauty and power. Generously, as he began to take off Tacey's jacket he permitted his teors to rise to help give her focus and bring her back from her Mesmodildo induced trance. His penis swayed magnificently and he paused to watch it in one of the many mirrors of the bath house. Inevitably she would compare it to her own biologically comparable but so much inferior organ, the Clitoris. Almost unnoticeable in some women, a mere pimple in others but for some there was an element of size, a proto-teors but, obviously, none could stand comparison with the Teors. The Bacalum was most particular and expected the size of the erect clitoris to be established and recorded. He thought it important. Jonathan was skilled in this and had a Clitometer ready.Jonathan fumbled at Tacey's bra strap. He always had difficulty with these and then pulled down her panties. Jonathan took a step back and frowned, staring at the naked girl and particularly her pudenda. Her pubic hair had been shaved into a long vertical band rising up with her Cleft of Venus. To Jonathan the upright band had an inappropriate element of the Teors about it, a column of dark curly hair standing vertically up her pubis—did it not represent a Teors—that great column of the male? Why even the top of the column, below her navel seemed rounded. Was this sign of her further disrespect or quite the opposite, a mark of respect? Jonathan did not know. He was torn between seeking out the Bacalum and asking, but thereby displaying ignorance, or leaving be, but that seemed indecisive. Perhaps it would be best for Tacey if he assumed the worse and shaved off the offending symbol leaving her pudenda naked of hair. The Bacalum, he knew, preferred girls like that— innocent and pure was Jonathan's understanding of his reasons.Leading Tacey by the hand into the water Jonathan picked up the soap and began to lather Tacey's skin. It was not an unpleasant task feeling his hands sliding over her smooth young skin, leaving no place uncleansed, but taking especial trouble over the ritualistic four parts of the woman's body which required greatest care—the nipples, the bottom and the pudenda. A full minute being allotted to each in the proper order. First the left nipple, then the right, followed by the bottom and lastly the pudenda. Jonathan looked into Tacey's eyes and saw considerable surprise as his right index finger, liberally coated in soap, slipped up her bottom. It was appropriate. A woman should be surprised at the unexpected acts of a man.Finally Jonathan washed Tacey's hair, lathering it enthusiastically as he stood and she knelt in the bath in the proper position a woman should take when a man is shampooing her hair. Equally properly Jonathan placed his teors between Tacey's lips, still in the Teorsic Circle, and pushed. A woman should always suck the man's teors when he is washing her hair. It was clearly shown in the old manuscripts. Tacey reacted rather dopily but instinctively seeking the Teorsic Fluid. It was not, though, appropriate yet.The full minute spent soapily washing, shaving and examining Tracey's pudenda also ensured, had the Mesmodildo not done its arousing work, the clitoris was fully erect. Drying Tacey with towels he had her lie down and open her legs wide, giving him not only full access but a full view of her sex. He readied his instrument, his Clitometer, adjusting the wheels and shiny metal dividers to measure both circumference and length. The cold metal touched Tacey's sensitive button and she winced slightly. "Why?" she said in a slightly slurred voice. Her faculties were returning."Because it is necessary." He was being kind. It was not necessary to answer a woman's questions or even to listen to her.The last part of the preparation now needed to be undertaken. Jonathan brought Tacey to a curved marble saddle surmounted by a gorgeous golden teors. Of realistic size; unlike many of the beautiful representations in the halls; not too large because this had to fit all women; and more stylistic in design than many more faithful depictions. It was in an art nouveau style which so fitted the curving nature of the teors and the artist had taken liberty with his depiction of the glans which swept unusually far down the shaft giving a particularly streamlined look. A beautiful object which would give any women great pleasure to mount. Carefully he sat Tacey astride ensuring she lowered herself so the teors pushed up inside her. Instinctively, as before, Tacey began to ride the teors. Jonathan smiled a little in pity. Women had such a need for and such a longing to steal the Teorsic Fluid. They could not help themselves.Jonathan depressed a lever and Tacey betrayed surprise. It was not Teorsic Fluid but a sweet Almond oil that was being injected by the golden teors into her as she rode. A cunning contraption pumped out the oil in carefully regulated spurts mimicking the Third Wonder but in a profusion only the most adept knights were able to achieve—and the truth was that Jonathan was not one of them; much to his chagrin. He was, though, working at raising his TFL, performing the exercises at morning and night. He carefully recorded the outcome in a spreadsheet stored on his laptop and the chart did show a rising trend. (TFL = Teorsic Fluid Level).The purpose of the Almond ejaculation was not the pleasure of the women, or deceiving her she had taken Teorsic Fluid, but to prepare her. In Tacey's case the Mesmodildo had caused her to literally drip but the liberal amount of Almond oil being pumped into her would ensure ease of teorsic insertion and a most appropriate sheen of oily lubrication running down the inside of her thighs. The Order expected not just the substance but the appearance of things and it was so very important for a woman appearing before the massed knights not only to be massively aroused by the honour shown but to visibly demonstrate it as well.Prepared, Jonathan dressed Tacey in the linen shift and finished his own ritual. Washed, he merely needed to don the badges of his rank and his robes. At the very base of his teorsic shaft, indeed clasping it tightly behind his scrotum, he tied, with leather thongs, a thin leather belt encircling the shaft forcing the scrotum forwards and the testes into greater prominence. It was the first symbol of a member of the Order and many wore it ordinarily under their street clothes.From a small red leather box Jonathon drew out three intricately engraved gold rings, rings prepared by the Order's goldsmith—a member himself. The first ring for a raphe, the second for a knight and the third ring for a member of the Corona. Jonathan had not possessed the third ring for long, indeed had only recently been erected to the Corona, and was only just getting used to wearing it tightly and impressively below his glans. Lifting his now unerect teors by the prepuce, with an ease gained by long practice Jonathan slipped the first, second and then third ring down the shaft and willed the First Wonder. His teors rose proudly, the flesh expanding into the rings so they were held tightly in their allotted positions as if the shaft was bound in gold. His teors looked magnificent in the mirror; Jonathan admired himself turning to the right and left as if trying on a new suit of clothes; it was big, knurled by veins, beautifully banded in gold and surmounted by the shiny purple head with its eye of mystery. It never ceased to impress him.Only the Bacalum wore the fifth symbol, a gold, bejewelled hat or helmet sitting atop his teors-head.Pulling on his great red robe Jonathan was prepared and led Tacey out into the great hall of the knights, the Corpus Cavernosum. The Knights of the Teorsas were assembled and waiting.The grand phallic ritual is concluded.The shock to Tacey must have been immense, shock and awe at walking into such a beautiful stone vaulted place and seeing the knights and raphes, perhaps a hundred in all, standing in their red robes watching her, their eyes focused just upon her; and, at their centre, the figure of the Bacalum looking so serene and wonderful in his great curving red penile hat. Jonathan could not but sense what she was feeling as he led her down the massed rows of the knights. Certainly her eyes were wide.A low chanting filled the hall as Jonathan led Tacey forward to the centre of the hall. Speaking in a clear voice he outlined to the assembly Tacey's grave misdemeanour. It was certain, very certain they were not pleased and Jonathan felt for Tacey as she must now realise how great was her error, how unwise and wrong it was to speak lightly of the teors and in a flippant manner. It was possible she thought herself there for punishment but that was not often the way of the Order. Perhaps once upon a time Tacey would have been bound tightly and her bottom roundly punished as the Knights watched; the sight of a helpless, naked, bound girl wriggling under torment greatly assisting their meditation.

Is that a chicken, or a penguin? Steph, Michael and Jake are here to investigate, as they look into Nick Park's second Wallace and Gromit tale The Wrong Trousers. Subscribe to our Patreon for ad-free episodes and bonus conversations in our Library Cafe series.Follow us on Twitter or Instagram, or drop us an email at ghibliotheque@gmail.com. Get bonus content on Patreon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

These are the podcasts that came out after the XFM show

Today on the podcast. 3:30 - New Dutch Barn Ad. 4:15  - Tui slogans. 5:40 - Trousers from Ukraine. 6 - Manscaping a sack.  10:30 - Vikings' Ragnar Lothbrok actor is an Aussie bogan. 13:30 - Aussie man reviews https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfBNG5KD1oU&pp=ygUOb3p6IG1hbiBsaXphcmQ%3D  16 - American school system. 24.10 - An audio experience. 30.00 - Sanitised privates. 31.40 - A chat about condoms. Give us a follow if you haven't already ~ Jay and Dunc. Want to get in touch? Hit us up, here: https://linktr.ee/notforradio

We read the papers so you don't have to. Today: The tabloids react to Liam Payne's tragic death. Marcus and Miranda are fascinated by the scandal that has rocked the world of competitive conkers. Plus – Jacob Jarvis, our resident fashionista, explains why it's good to only have one t-shirt.    Miranda Sawyer is joined by host of American Friction, Jacob Jarvis and the grand fromage Marcus Brigstocke.    Support Paper Cuts and get mugs, t-shirts, extended ad-free editions and access to future live streams: back.papercutsshow.com    Follow Paper Cuts:  • Twitter: https://twitter.com/papercutsshow  • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/papercutsshow  • TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@papercutsshow  • Threads: https://www.threads.net/@papercutsshow    Illustrations by Modern Toss https://moderntoss.com     Written and presented by Miranda Sawyer. Audio production: Jade Bailey. Production. Liam Tait. Design: James Parrett. Music: Simon Williams. Managing Editor: Jacob Jarvis. Exec Producer: Martin Bojtos. Group Editor: Andrew Harrison. PAPER CUTS is a Podmasters Production    Podmasters.co.uk Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's Episode 11 of The Sewing Club Podcast with our very first trouser pattern - the Coe Trousers by Daughter Judy Patterns! These high-waisted trousers feature a unique side seam that wraps around to the front, creating a subtle curve along the leg. With front on-seam pockets, back patch pockets, and the option to add a self-belt, they offer both style and versatility.Kylie: https://www.kylieandthemachine.com/Gem: https://www.sewinggem.com.au/Daughter Judy Patterns: https://www.daughterjudypatterns.com/The Coe Trouser by Daughter Judy Patterns: https://www.daughterjudypatterns.com/collections/sewing-bottoms/products/coe-trouserFabric Sponsor: MaaiDesign - Online fabric store stocking a wide range of high quality garment fabrics. https://www.maaidesign.com.auThe fabric we used to make our Coe Trousers - Cotton Lyocell Drillhttps://www.maaidesign.com.au/search?q=cotton+lyocell+drill&options%5Bprefix%5D=lastSewing Label ‘Me Made' https://www.sewinggem.com.au/a/search?q=me+made&options%5Bprefix%5D=lastSewing Label Advent Calendar https://www.kylieandthemachine.com/collections/2024-advent-calendarLabel Glue - https://www.kylieandthemachine.com/products/katm-label-glue-stickGemma Blog Post: https://www.sewinggem.com.au/blogs/sg-blogKylie Blog Post: https://www.kylieandthemachine.com/blogs/newsNext Month's Pattern - The Ogden Cami by True Bias: https://truebias.com/products/ogden-cami Use code SEWINGCLUBPODCAST Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When Emma Westenberg landed the job directing the music video for Janelle Monae's track, PYNK, it opened a Narnia-like door to a whole new world of creative possibility. The video – which featured Monae wearing those iconic vulva trousers – went viral, clocking up more than 16M views to date, earning Emma both a Grammy and MTV Music Video Award-nomination, and perhaps best of all, being described as “a Queen” by Janelle herself.Since then, her career has accelerated in all directions—from a Super Bowl ad spot featuring Zoe Kravitz, to music videos for Troye Sivan, Princess Nokia and Rico Nasty, to commercial work for clients from ASOS to Vogue, to directing a feature starring celebrated Scottish actor, Ewan McGregor (OBE!) and his real-life daughter Clara in Bleeding Love—and it doesn't stop there!No matter what the scale and nature, Emma brings her distinctly witty and whimsical aesthetic to every project, and, in this beautifully candid episode, she talks us through some of the challenges, lessons and moments of magic along the way—from working with tricky collaborators under pressure, to the simple joy of making art for art's sake.“I think only the crazy ideas are the brilliant ones. I like things that are unexpected, or offbeat, or that rattle you in some way. You want art to do that, to show you something new or exciting” — Emma WestenbergFollow Emma @emma.westenbergEPISODE INSIGHTSHow perseverance and rising to the challenge can reap huge rewardsThe water-off-a-duck's-back mindset needed to stay focused and resilientWhy tapping back into the joy of art-making is essentialHow projects that feel chaotic in the making can turn out to be the best in the editThoughts on the episode? Drop us a DM @creativebloodworldEPISODE CREDITSEpisode hosted by Laura ConwayProduced by Scenery StudiosShow music by Ben Tarrant-BrownVideo by Nicola Collins

After negotiating with the Oracle, the party decides to go make Agra and her band of Orc warriors an offer they can't refuse. Step into the rich tapestry of Dragonbane RPG as our actual play podcast unfolds in the Misty Vale, a region steeped in history as the heart of the Dragon Empire thousands of years ago.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a sharp-toothed and clawed weasel-like animal in your trousers? In this episode of Join the Docs, our ever-curious hosts, Professor Jonathan Sackier and Doctor Nigel Guest, dive headfirst into your trousers to discuss the furry-tale world of ferret legging. Yes, you heard that right—ferret legging! This peculiar sport involves brave (or perhaps slightly mad) participants stuffing live ferrets down their trousers to see who can endure the longest. With a mix of medical expertise and a hearty dose of humour, Jonathan and Nigel dissect the sport's rules, the potential for injuries, and its cultural roots in northern England.Ants in your pants is one thing, but what could possibly go wrong with ferrets in your pants? As The Docs delve into the nitty-gritty of ferret legging, they can't help but chuckle at the sport's inherent absurdity. They discuss the rules, which are surprisingly straightforward: no underwear allowed (the participant, not the ferret), ferrets must not be edentulous and be fully awake and alert, as must the participant and the trousers must be securely fastened at the ankles. The Docs then paint a vivid picture of the potential injuries, from minor nips and scratches to more serious bites, all while emphasising the importance of safety and animal welfare. Why on earth would anyone participate in such a sport? Jonathan and Nigel explore the cultural significance of ferret legging in northern England, where it has its roots in the working-class communities. They share hilarious anecdotes about the sport's history, including tales of legendary ferret leggers who became local heroes for their endurance and bravery. They can't help but laugh at the thought of a group of grown men and women bonding over the shared experience of having ferrets in their trousers. It's hiss-terical!Is there a method to this madness? The Docs discuss the physiological responses to having a ferret in one's trousers, from the adrenaline rush to the potential for stress-induced hilarity. They also touch on the importance of proper ferret care and the ethical considerations of involving animals in such activities. After all, you wouldn't want to be in a situation where the ferret is the one calling the shots!In the end, what do we learn from ferret legging? Jonathan and Nigel conclude the episode with a reflection on the sport's enduring appeal and the joy it brings to those who participate. They highlight the importance of finding humour in life's oddities and the value of shared experiences, no matter how bizarre they may be. Listeners will be left with a newfound appreciation for the quirky world of ferret legging and a smile on their faces—because, as they say, life's too short not to have a little ferret fun!—--DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed on Join the Docs are those of Dr. Nigel Guest, Jonathan Sackier and other people on our show. Be aware that Join the Docs is not intended to be medical advice, it is for information and entertainment purposes only - please, always take any health concerns to your doctor or other healthcare provider. We respect the privacy of patients and never identify individuals unless they have consented. We may change details, dates, place names and so on to protect privacy. Listening to Join the Docs, interacting on our social media, emailing or writing to us does not establish a doctor patient relationship.To Contact Us: For a deeper dive on this episode's issue, merchandise and exclusive content, head to www.jointhedocs.comFollow us on youtube.com/JoinTheDocs Follow us on instgram.com/JoinTheDocsFollow us on tiktok.com/JoinTheDocsFollow us on: facebok.com/JoinTheDocsFollow us on: x.com/JoinTheDocs

In a hilarious display of hubris, Chris and Dave look at the Packers' 2024 season and make their usual half-informed guesses -- there is copious pearl clutching and hand-wringing. Also, for some reason, the betting lines are back. With the opener against the Sao Paulo Eagles upon us, concerns continue about the travel to play across TWO time zones (Oh, the humanity!)—the boys debate whether longitude or latitude will have a greater impact on the team's performance. As the game approaches, the uncertainty is palpable. Trousers are sure to be moistened as kickoff approaches.Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/packerstherapyPayPal: Packerstherapy@yahoo.comPosting its first show in 2005, Packers Therapy is the longest-running Packers podcast on the Internet. Hosts Chris and Dave began the show as a way of capturing the spirited chats the two co-workers had about the team around the office. The two have no pretense about being experts: they are just two opinionated shareholders who love the team, follow it closely, but don't always see the Packers fortunes eye to eye.The guys encourage comments and questions via their Twitter feed @PackersTherapy or email to packerstherapy@yahoo.com and read and respond to as many as they can during each show.Packers Therapy is a part of the Packers Talk family of podcasts, serving up five distinct podcasts to satisfy the most fervent of Packer fans. Variety is the spice of life, so subscribe to Packers Talk on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. You can also follow Packers Talk on Twitter and Facebook. 

Get bonus BudPod on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I should not wear White Trousers, Doobie Brothers concert, Radishes

Trekking Tech: Turbocharged Trousers Take the Strain.  Tech Tongue Triumph: AI Achieves Accurate Ailment Analysis.  Transformer Triumph or Trouble? Tensions Mount in AI's Tech Tapestry.  Realme's Remarkable Rapid Charger: Full Power in Four and a Half Minutes.  Trump's Troubling Trickery: Taylor Swift Turned into AI Target.  Citizen Scientists Scan the Skies: Black Hole Hunting with a Smartphone Twist.  Moon Mission Mastery: Australia's AROSE and ELO2 Race to Rover Renown.  Scam Snagging: CBA and Apate AI Flip the Fraudster Script.  Mind Meets Machine: Mastering Motion with Atom Touch Prosthetics. 

Next episode is the 200th, therefore this is the 199th. I raid the 66 pages of ideas for episodes I have been keeping for nearly a decade, and present to you 199 that I have not yet made into podcasts (except for this one). Find the episode's transcript, plus more information about the topics therein, at theallusionist.org/199ideas. NEWSLUSIONIST: The new Allusionist live show Souvenirs is on tour in the UK right now! Rush to theallusionist.org/events for tickets and dates. And if you fancy concocting a quiz question for the imminent 200th episode, go to theallusionist.org/quiz to submit it; your deadline is 6 September 2024. To help fund this independent podcast, take yourself to theallusionist.org/donate and become a member of the Allusioverse. You get regular livestreams with me and my collection of reference books, inside scoops into the making of this show, watchalong parties eg the new season of Taskmaster featuring my brother Andy, and the company of your fellow Allusionauts in our delightful Discord community.  This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, with music and editorial assistance from Martin Austwick of palebirdmusic.com. Find @allusionistshow on Instagram, Facebook, Threads, Bluesky, TikTok, YouTube etc. Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk about your product or thing on the show, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by: • Home Chef, meal kits that fit your needs. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering Allusionist listeners eighteen free meals, plus free shipping on your first box, and free dessert for life, at HomeChef.com/allusionist.• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online empire/new home for your cryptic puzzle that takes months to solve. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free 2-week trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist. • Bombas, whose mission is to make the comfiest clothing essentials, and match every item sold with an equal item donated. Go to bombas.com/allusionist to get 20% off your first purchase.  • LinkedIn Ads convert your B2B audience into high quality leads. Get $100 credit on your next campaign at linkedin.com/allusionist.Support the show: http://patreon.com/allusionistSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Remember to send your own Disabled Dilemmas to help@lucyedwards.comProduced and presented by Lucy Edwards and Ollie Edwards-Cave.Music composed by Alice Edwards and produced by Ollie Edwards-Cave.Find us online at:YouTube: @LucyEdwardsTikTok: @LucyEdwardsTwitter: @LucyEdwardsInstagram: @LucyEdwardsOfficial & @ButIdNeverMarryABlindWoman Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

S10E279: Dorkmunder -  This week, we dive into a variety of intriguing topics, starting with our first-ever candy review. We explore what is considered the worst time to be alive in human history, discuss a charity in New Zealand that accidentally distributed meth-laced candy to around 400 people, debate a middle school's decision to ban all black clothing, marvel with us over the discovery of a 10,000-year-old drive lane found in Lake Michigan, and play heavy metal for your filthy earballs! (00:00:00) - Intro (00:01:32) - Betelgeuse, SONG: Inquisición (00:07:52) - Blackbraid, SONG: Warriors (00:13:59) - Conversation 1 (00:19:44) - DODSSANG TEMPEL, SONG: Midnight Blizzard Ritual (00:24:41) - The Trousers, SONG: Pretty Vacant (00:27:39) - Dark Shaman, SONG: Jack the Cannibal (00:32:17) - Conversation 2 (00:35:34) - Grandma's Pantry: Godzilla, SONG: Bleeding (00:38:48) - Conversation 3 (00:46:01) - Valontuoja, SONG:  Kodistani karkoitettu (00:50:23) - HUSQWARNAH, SONG: To Protect and Severe (00:53:56) - Conversation 4 (00:59:28) - Torturer's Lobby, SONG: Hypnotic Seeds Sown (01:02:00) - Beyond Shadows, SONG: Tears of Rain Labels: Adirondack Black Mass, Black Goat Records, Forbidden Place Records, Inverse Records, Time to Kill Records, Caligari Records

Aging is a beautiful natural process, the wisdom gained, the growing sense of gratitude, the amusement of seeing young people make your same dumb mistakes, but one thing that bothers me is the difficulty of putting on underpants while standing and not leaning against a doorpost. It's a graceful moment, left leg held high and poked through the hole, then the right, freestanding, no wobbling, which I've done since I was a kid, and now at 81 I can sometimes still perform the trick, but then comes a bad experience — the left foot catches the underpants crotch and you lose your balance and suddenly you're headed for a tragic accident.I do not want my obit to read “The author died at home of a concussion, while trying to pull on his briefs. No foul play was suspected.” And so after a near fall, I sit down on the bed and practice safety, but still there is a sense of loss. Trousers are easier but not without risk. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit garrisonkeillor.substack.com/subscribe

originally released: June 17, 2020 • updated intro: April 9, 2021 Writer/performer/amazing human Amy Oestreicher comes to us with us to complete the Falsettos trilogy (by going back to Part 1). Topics Include: Bill Finn calling on the phone, convincing teachers to let you do your own version of the assignment, tap dancing so hard you need surgery, and another in what is booming a series of scrapbooks! Featured Recordings: In Trousers - Original Cast (1979) • March of the Falsettos - Original Cast (1981) • Falsettoland - Original Cast (1990) MERCH! T-shirts! Totes bags! BASEBALL SHIRTS! ETCETERA! DO YOU LIKE MOVIE MUSICALS? Join us on PATREON to get our patrons-only podcast The Original Cast at the Movies! Right now you can hear Kimberly Cooper Schmidt (The Light in the Piazza) and Jay Schmidt (The Full Monty) talk about the best mockumentary ever made This is Spin̈al Tap (1984)! Patreon • Twitter • Facebook • Email

Episode #224…Snakes in Trousers We're back at it in The Rusted Nail Speakeasy! www.stengerssugarshack.com Enjoy! Join the guys for another episode of Cross The Line 1524! Recorded with a Live Audience at “The Rusted Nail Speakeasy”! Thank You for listening to Cross The Line1524 Check out our web site at: www.crosstheline1524.com Facebook: Cross The Line 15/24 You Tube: Cross The Line 1524 Email us : podcast@crosstheline1524.com Take a listen to one of America's fastest growing new podcasts! Please take time to leave us a 5 star rating to help us promote our podcast.

Kelly Cates is joined by Chris Sutton, Rory Smith and Shay Given for the Monday Night Club. They begin by talking about Nottingham Forest's frustration with refereeing following their 2-0 Premier League defeat at Everton.Victory for Sean Dyche's side leads into discussion about their fight to stay in the Premier League, before Burnley are the focus following their 4-1 win at Sheffield United.The panel then cover Manchester United scraping past Coventry City to make the FA Cup final, delving into the topic of goalkeepers receiving yellow cards, after incidents involving United's Andre Onana and Aston Villa's Emiliano Martinez during the past week.TIMECODES:05:43 - Nottingham Forest 21:45 - Everton 27:42 - Burnley 33:38 - Manchester United and Coventry City 42:23 - Goalkeepers and yellow cards

Aaron Paul and Jobi McAnuff present interviews and reaction from the EFL Awards. Hear from all three managers of the season, listen to Alfie May talk about his journey from a building site to the football pitch, and get the gossip on Hull City boss Liam Rosenior's fashion sense from his wife Erika.01:50 Notts County's Jodi Jones 03:55 Peterborough United's Ronnie Edwards 05:25 Leeds United's Archie Gray 11:15 Crewe Alexandra's Mickey Demetriou 14:40 Charlton Athletic's Alfie May 21:45 Southampton's Kyle Walker-Peters 24:10 Blackburn Rovers' Sam Szmodics 26:00 Leeds United's Crysencio Summerville 29:55 Norwich City's Gabriel Sara 36:10 Hull City's Liam Rosenior and wife Erika 39:10 QPR chairman Lee Hoos 42:00 Mansfield Town's Nigel Clough 43:55 Portsmouth's John Mousinho 47:05 Ipswich Town's Kieran McKenna