Change Your Mind

In these divisive times when we are filled with fear, confusion and rage, what is the answer? What is the solution? Ultimately it is quite simple: to treat others as we wish to be treated. To release our judgment and attack thoughts. To try to embrace as much as possible acceptance, tolerance, empathy, compassion and forgiveness. It's not easy but it's ultimately the only path to inner peace and world peace. It is the only way we will truly heal our nation and our world, our personal relationships, our business relationships, all relationships. We must remember that we are all connected, that we are all part of the oneness of the universe, whether you believe in God or not, whether you believe in religion or not, it doesn't matter, the golden rule is a universal principle of right action and ultimate salvation. Don't just think it, apply it, be it! And watch your inner world and your outer world get better!

When a patient asked me how to deal with panic attacks that were caused by a feud between her husband and her daughter that was pulling her part, she asked me if I could help. Essentially, my advice was to disengage from the process, to set a boundary with both of them that this is their problem and they need to resolve it without drawing you into it and forcing you to take sides or be a go-between. Listen for my entire response.

Use this time during the pandemic to self-reflect, to challenge the choices you have made up to now, to consider other options, to be grateful for what you have, to appreciate those around you, to express your love to those you claim to care about most, and to stop your default ways of responding to others with irritability, sarcasm, judgment, etc. Use your time well to reform your Self and to make a commitment to express forgiveness, acceptance, gratitude, tolerance, mindfulness and compassion to all those who cross your path, without conditions and without exceptions.

There is another contagion spreading exponentially throughout the fabric of our society, throughout our collective consciousness. A contagion of hypocrisy and lies. A loss of objectivity. And it's not just "them." It's US! ALL OF US! We're all liars. We're all part of the problem. We need to #StopTheLying.

I will be well. I will myself to be well. Nothing can attack me or harm me except my own thoughts, except my fear. Regardless of circumstances, I remember who I AM: I am NOT a body. I am Free. I am guiltless. I am sinless. I am eternal. I am invulnerable. I am as God created me. Only the mind can be sick. Only the mind is in need of healing.

To be "woke" is to engage in acceptance, tolerance, forgiveness, compassion and honest communication with everyone, without conditions and without exceptions. We treat everyone as we wish to be treated. We do not engage in judging, blaming, shaming, guilting, attacking or demonizing, regardless of how they are behaving. Becoming woke is a spiritual awakening. It is mindfulness. It is personal growth. It is a commitment to unconditional love.

We are not going to stop mass shootings if we blame the wrong things. We have to identify and address the root cause which largely has nothing to do with what is happening in our society now. It has to do with what happened to these mass shooters when they were children starting to go off the rails. #daytonohioshooting, #elpasoshooting #news

Let me just say that this is an invaluable exercise if you choose to engage in it. This will improve your relationships, your self-esteem, your ability to maximize the Law of Attraction, your health and your happiness. AND it will help move humanity up the evolutionary ladder.

The reason why there are so many people who are unhappy, angry, anxious, depressed, frustrated, and unfulfilled is because they have failed to apply THREE KEY PRINCIPLES in all aspects of their lives. Truth. Compassion. Calm.

The answer should be "No." We forgive others for our own peace of mind, regardless of whether people are sorry or not, apologize or not, etc. We forgive others to release our anger, our resentments, our judgments, our sense of victimhood. Our forgiveness is unconditional. It does not depend on the offender doing anything. We forgive because it is in OUR best interests to do so.

I saw a photo of a woman hunter with a big smile on her face standing in front of a giraffe she had just murdered. It made me literally cry to see the pride and joy on her face. It is a sickness of the soul that one would get pleasure out of snuffing out the life of another animal who is innocent and unable to protect itself from such heartless savagery. The giraffe is now on the endangered species list because of soulless idiots like that woman. We need to defend those who are weaker than us, rather than dominate and destroy them.

Do you wait till you're about to go to sleep to start worrying and scaring yourself over the difficult, anxiety-provoking issues in your life? If so, STOP IT! I don't mean you should stop worrying, that's okay, worrying can be helpful, but not before bedtime. Put aside a time earlier in the evening to worry about stuff and then when it's time to go to bed you won't have to keep yourself up worrying because you already did it! It works. Takes practice. It can be done. Personal growth is a matter of developing good habits. And so is mental health.

Social Anxiety Disorder is a condition of extreme anxiety related to meeting new people and being around people, the fear being that you will say or do something that will appear incredibly foolish and embarrassing. Rather than get proper treatment, you tend to avoid people and co-exist with your discomfort and happiness. But it doesn't have to be that way. There are techniques for decreasing the anxiety, de-sensitizing yourself, and increasing your self-esteem and confidence.

There are times when we need to take action, to be aggressive, to make our case, to stake our claim. And then there are times when it is best to not take action, to hold our tongue, to wait and see, to not expose our hand, to not act impulsively. There is great wisdom in knowing when to do which.

To hate anything Is a mistake. Hate reduces clarity, increases impulsivity, and blocks the flow of wisdom from your Higher Self

Set boundaries. Validate, then counterpoint. Choose your battles. Everything is love or a call for love. Do you want to be right or happy? Anger hurts, forgiveness heals. Treat others as you wish to be treated.

Many of us stay in relationships way too long, way past the point where there is any real hope that things will change for the better and provide us with the satisfying, sustainable relationship that we desire. It is often the fear of loneliness that keeps us in the relationship. Perhaps the dread of having to start the process over again of searching for and finding a loving partner. As the red flags in the relationship pile up, we sweep them under the rug. Perhaps we have outbursts of anger on a regular basis. Perhaps we have resentments simmering below the surface. Either way, we're not happy. And perhaps we could be if we chose to cut our losses and move on. Not an easy decision to make but perhaps a worthwhile one in the long run.

We can get depressed because it runs in our family. We can get depressed because our family was dysfunctional and we developed insecurity and low self-esteem. We can get depressed because of our job, our health, our relationships. Medications may help. Talk Therapy may help. Taking action may help. Despite the tremendous fatigue, lack of interest, lack of motivation and drive, and feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that can come with depression, if we take action, if we force ourselves to do one thing each day to move our lives to a better place, it can have a significant impact on our depression and speed up our recovery.

Our thoughts create our reality. Our fears generate our failures. Our love can move mountains.Best we choose our thoughts wisely.

Many of us don't set and maintain boundaries with abusive people in our lives because we fear that rather than cooperate with what we are asking of them, they will choose to end the relationship, which then brings up issues of abandonment within us which generates anxiety and perhaps depression as well which we fear we will not be able to deal with. Consequently, the abuse continues, our emotional needs continue to be unmet, and we experience ongoing anger, resentment, and dissatisfaction.

We terrorize ourselves with our fear thoughts. We exaggerate them and build on them to the point of actually believing they're likely to happen (which they usually aren't) and then we react with intense fear, panic, desperation, demoralization, etc. in anticipation of them happening. Best not to react to terrible things until they are actually happening. Prepare for the worst but don't live in perpetual daily dread of the future. Be here now. Find happiness today despite life's difficulties.

Many of us do not have a solid sense of self, such that when the world smiles at us we feel good, when the world frowns at us we feel bad. This makes us victims of the external world. This puts our personal power in the hands of others rather than in our own hands where it belongs. Best we not let undue praise or criticism fool us, diminish us or get in the way of us feeling good about ourselves. Regardless of other people's opinions and attitudes towards us, we know who we are.

A number of people have challenged the idea of extending love to toxic people, narcissists, etc, claiming that these people can't change and you're only inviting more toxicity and pain. Let me clarify that we extend love to others, we forgive others, not to change them but to free ourselves from the emotional bondage that goes with hanging onto anger, resentments, grievances, etc. We forgive others for our own peace of mind. It doesn't mean we have to hang around them, tolerate them, or have them in our lives to any degree. Extending love to others can be a very transformative experience for all concerned. But the bottom line is this: Our happiness, our inner peace are a consequence of the choices we make. And one of those choices is to do the best we can to forgive, love and accept others unconditionally and despite how they are behaving. It's a tall order. It's something we should aspire to. It is the formula for inner peace and... eventually.... world peace.

Let me clarify that complaining has its place. It has its purpose. It has value. However, many of us complain to a much greater degree than is necessary or helpful. It becomes our default response to difficult people and circumstances in our lives, to the point where there is barely anything else we talk about. When this happens and complaining becomes a never-ending story with us, we become very negative and unpleasant to be around. We become emotionally abusive. Not healthy for us. Not healthy for our relationships. Best we use complaining as a steppingstone to action, and not simply an opportunity to vent our frustration and vomit our rage all over those we come in contact with.

Letting go of baggage is a choice. First, you choose to recognize your baggage rather than be in denial about it. Second, you choose to recognize that you have the power to let go of your baggage and make better choices. Third, you make better choices. Fourth, you repeatedly, consistently, persistently make those better choices until you have extinguished your self-destructive self-definitions and replaced them with healthier ones.

Denial is a unconscious psychological device that people use to avoid dealing with reality, to avoid dealing with facts about themselves that they prefer not to look at or acknowledge. The problem is that when the things we are denying are true they are usually things that are self-sabotaging and get in the way of our happiness, health, relationship success and material success. We need the courage to look at our flaws and our mistakes honestly so that we can change our behaviors and become more effective in all aspects of our lives.

Riffing about gun violence, Cary Grant and why we are here.

Our thoughts create our reality. Our subconscious thoughts are the prime movers of our reality manifestation. To avoid victimhood and failure, and to harness the Law of Attraction in the best possible way, it's best that we program both our subconscious mind and our conscious mind for success, that we pay attention to our environment, that we are vigilant over our thoughts and that we maintain a positive attitude.

Whether we are trying to repair a relationship, or improve ourselves, or succeed at something great, it is critical that we don't get complacent as we start to see change and progress. It is critical that we not let down our guard, that we are vigilant every moment, that we are practicing our new tools and skills every moment, because if we assume we've locked in the changes when we haven't actually given it enough time, we are likely to regress and slip back into old patterns of self-sabotage and failure.

Social Anxiety Disorder is about being afraid that when we speak people will judge us harshly, think we're stupid, foolish, etc. Social Media Anxiety Disorder is about being afraid that when we tweet or post, people will judge us harshly, think we're stupid, foolish, etc. What's the best way to deal with either disorder: Tweet Others As You Wish To Be Tweeted.

I have two personal examples from my life that suggest to me that dogs do reincarnate. It's a fascinating series of coincidences at the very least, even if you don't buy into the concept.

When we have sufficient self-esteem our ego is neither inflated by adulation nor threatened by minimization from others. This leads to us making wise, empowering decisions in our lives.

First look inward. Don't be afraid to hold a mirror up to yourself. Don't shoot the messenger. Have the courage to acknowledge the good, the bad, and the ugly within yourself. Make a commitment to change, to move from the darkness to the Light. And then DO IT!

We ignore the red flags in our lives and then we complain how unfair the world is when our lives don't work the way we want them to. The time to respond to the handwriting on the wall is immediately upon seeing it, not days, weeks, months or years later after suffering the consequences of inaction.

What if we are collectively projecting our unconscious beliefs onto the "screen" we call the universe, and then believing that our projections are reality and are independent of the thoughts in our mind?

Truly loving, nurturing and sustainable relationships are not happening for a great many of us. The reasons for this have to do with our ego getting in the way, with our unwillingness to be more thoughtful, tolerant and considerate, with our unwillingness to rise above the battlefield, to release our anger and resentments from the past, to effectively communicate, to negotiate differences and to establish, maintain and respect boundaries. I say unwillingness because although it may be difficult to do these things, we choose not to. Loving relationships are not the result of accidents or luck, they are the result of healthy choices.

People can change. They need to really want to. They need to really work at it. They need to have the right tools.

What if we are collectively projecting our unconscious beliefs onto the "screen" we call the universe, and then believing that our projections are reality and are independent of the thoughts in our mind?

There are many things that can cause us to be irritable: Low blood sugar. Stress. Chronic pain. Depression, Anxiety. Our need to be in control. And many other things. When we are irritable, we tend to take it out on others and this abuse can lead to relationships failing. Consequently, it behooves us to recognize when we are irritable and do the best we can to address the causes and control our irritation so it does not leak out onto other people.

Actions speak louder than words. It is not enough to tell someone you love them. You need to show it. They need to know it. By your actions will they know it. By your actions will your their love for you grow and your relationships thrive.

Avoid becoming a victim of the choices you make. Choose wisely.

Many of us seem to thrive on drama despite the fact that the end result is just about always unpleasant in one way or another. If we wish to eliminate the drama caused by others or ourselves, we need to set boundaries with others and ourselves, and maintain them. If we do this consistently, we send the message to others and ourselves that we are serious about the changes we want in our lives and the elimination of the drama and the chaos. The end result is usually emotional stability, happiness, inner peace, better health, and more successful, sustainable relationships.

Many people believe they are a victim of their depression. So overwhelmed with depression, fatigue, the desire to isolate from others, and the loss of interest, drive and motivation, they look to medications to pull themselves out of the doldrums and, oftentimes, don't do the things they could do, though difficult to do, to change their mood and lift their spirits.

Be vigilant as to where you go and who you spend your time with. They all contribute to the reality you manifest.

Most relationships fail because one or both partners have poor communication skills. Issues are never adequately resolved, resentments build up over time, and eventually one of the two partners finally accepts the fact that the relationship is just not going to work and they exit stage left. Or they stay together in a love-hate relationship, longing for something better but not believing it's possible. Guess what? It is possible. Both of those scenarios of failed relationships are unnecessary.There are techniques that can be learned as to how to communicate effectively, how to navigate arguments in a healthy way, and how to resolve conflicts and negotiate differences so everyone's needs are met and no one is diminished in the process. Why settle for anything less than a loving, satisfying, sustainable relationship? You deserve it and you can make it happen.

The treatment for social anxiety includes behavioral desensitization techniques as well as cognitive therapy techniques. Together, with practice and persistence, this condition can be managed effectively without medications.

If family members are toxic we are not obligated to spend time with them. We can accept them. We can love them. We can forgive them. It doesn't mean we have to endure their abuse.

Loneliness isn't about not having friends or not having a significant other. There are plenty of people with friends and significant others who are terribly lonely. Loneliness has to do with feeling disconnected from humanity. So what's the solution?

When we isolate from others we are avoiding dealing with our problems and we are reinforcing our dysfunctional view of ourselves and our world. Best to engage in the world and learn how to effectively navigate the slings and arrows. Best to quiet our mind, free it of the noise tsunami that bombards us 24/7. Best to conquer our ego which thinks it's us against them, kill or be killed.

Don't get discouraged and demoralized when you fall off your path. Two steps forward, one step back is the natural progression of accomplishment and success. When you fall off your bicycle, don't beat yourself up with guilt and shame. Just jump back on the bicycle and start pedaling again. And you'll succeed at last.

Letting go of anger, grievances, resentments and other attack thoughts is a key component of the Forgiveness Diet. When we release these negative emotions and replace them with thoughts of acceptance, tolerance, compassion and forgiveness, we esteem ourselves, we eliminate self-sabotaging behaviors, and our entire life experience gets better.