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Martin Luther King Jr. - Letter From Birmingham Jail - Episode 2 - There Are Just And There Are Unjust Laws   Hi, I'm Christy Shriver and we're here to discuss books that have changed the world and have changed us.    I'm Garry Shriver and this is the How to Love Lit Podcast.  This is our second week discussing Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and the letter that some consider today to be one of the most significant political documents to emerge from the American continent in the last 300 years, ranking with the founding documents, the Gettysburg Address and the Emancipation Proclamation.  Last week, we spoke a little, although very briefly, about Dr. King's growing up years.  We focused on his rise to political prominence through his political activism in Montgomery with the MIA and Rosa Parks as they led a community to boycott public bussing system for 381 days protesting the unfair bussing practices in Montgomery.   These efforts resulted in legislation that would begin the process of unraveling a 100 years of Jim Crow laws across, not just Birmingham, but the entire South.      We also discussed Project C, C, btw, stands for Confrontation.  Project C was the name given to the program that was designed to combine economic pressure with large scale direct action protest in order to undermine the very rigid system of segregation in place in the Southern city of Birmingham, Alabama.  The project was multi-faceted and by that I mean, it had various moving parts.  It consisted of strategic sit-ins, mass meetings, economic boycotts, and of course “parading” primarily without a permit because no permits would be given.      Yes, and one significant component of this project was planned for Good Friday, April 12 1963.  It would be on this auspicious day that two political and spiritual leaders, Reverend Ralph Abernathy and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., would step out in faith in front of the Sixth Avenue Zion Hill Church to march down those prohibited streets.  And, leading by example, proving that they would never ask anyone to do something they would not do themselves, they walked into what they knew would be a guaranteed confrontation with Bull Connor's tightly controlled police force.  As they marched, they were met by a police barricade, so they changed directions and marched a different way; however, it wasn't long until they got to a second barricade.  At this one, Commissioner Eugene “Bull” Conner's clear orders could be heard and I quote, “Stop them…Don't let them go any further!”   They were arrested, and let me add, this was not the first time these two were arrested, nor would it be the last.     Dr. King and Ralph Abernathy, according to Abernathy's own words were closer than blood brothers.   There was a deep trust between these two men.  If you remember, they had been leaning on each other since those early days in Montgomery, Alabama where Abernathy was pastor of Montgomery's First Baptist Church.  This support would continue even after Dr. King's assassination where Abernathy would follow through with the support of Memphis' sanitation workers that had brought Dr. King to Memphis on the day he was murdered.  Abernathy and King eventually would be jailed together a total of 17 times. Both they and their families would be targets of multiple assassination attempts.      As we think about these two men leading this march on April 12, it's also important to highlight the many different people- both men and women- who were also involved in this campaign that changed the world.  One man who would make history in ways he did not anticipate quite the way it happened was Dr. Clarence Jones.    Oh yes, Dr. Jones.  Dr. Jones is not a native Southerner.  His parents were domestic workers in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and although they worked for some of the most affluent people in the United States, the community was an anomaly and had been integrating voluntarily even during Jones early years. Jones attended Catholic boarding school and then became a notable graduate of two prestigious universities: Columbia University and Boston University where he received his law degree.  Dr. King asked him to come to Alabama to be a member of his legal team in 1960, from there they not only worked together but also became personal friends.  After Dr. King was arrested on Good Friday, Jones, as his lawyer, was permitted to see him on that next day.    What is interesting to me, is that for Jones, in that initial meeting in that solitary confinement cell, helping Dr. King get out was not first and foremost on his mind.  He felt they had a even greater problem.  Very controversially, Dr. King had encouraged children to join the movement and there had been many children who had followed Dr. King, most of them were from lower-income families.  Those children were not behind bars, and their parents were yelling at him demanding that Jones get the money to bail out their children.  In later interviews, Jones would say that the parents of those kids were waiting outside the jail asking, “What are you doing to get our kids out?”  When Jones went to visit King, this was his concern.  He wanted a list of names and telephones of people to call who had money to get this bail thing figured out.  But King had something else on his mind.  When Jones entered the cell, King said, “Have you seen this?”  He was livid.  A full page ad had been taking out in the Birmingham Herald calling him an outsider, lecturing him, demanding that he be patient.  Jones remembers that Dr. King pulled out his copy of the newspaper and there was writing all over it, on every scrap of blank space between the ads.  He had continued writing on any scrap piece of paper in that jail cell, paper towels, napkinds, anything.  King gave these scraps of paper to Jones and Jones smuggled them out in his pocket, under his shirt, anywhere.      Yes, and over the next five days twice a day, Jones would bring more paper to Dr. King.  King would write and Jones would smuggle them out under his shirt.  Remember, this is before 9/11 when everyone was patted down.  Dr. Jones was not patted down. He would take the scraps of paper to Wyatt Teel Walker, King's chief of Staff, and a woman by the name of Willie Pearl Mackey was given the talk to put it all together.       What about the children, what did King and Jones decide to do about that?     It's actually an interesting part of the story and would likely be more famous if it hadn't been overshadowed by the letter itself, but Jones was able to raise money to get those children out of jail.  The famous actor Harry Belafonte got involved.  He called Nelson Rockefeller's speechwriter, a man by the name of Hugh Morrow, who was a supporter when he found out about what was happening in Birmingham.  That Saturday, Jones flew to New York City, and even though it was Saturday, he met Morrow and Rockefeller at Chase Manhattan Bank, and walked out with $100,000, enough to bail out every one of those children.     Wow- well Jones wasn't the only one who had no idea how important the letter King was composing would become.  Neither Mackey nor Walker did either even as they stumbled through the very challenging task of putting the pieces of handwritten paper together, apparently reading Dr. King's handwriting, in the best of circumstances, wasn't that easy to do.  But in this he had been writing furiously, basically in the dark, relying on his encyclopedic memory, quoting Shakespeare, the Bible, Dr. Augustine, Voltaire and many other philosophers and theologians. Some of it was on newspaper, plain paper, paper towels all kinds of different scraps that had to be pieced together.  And Mackey, who claimed all her life to not being a “fantastic typist” typed it up and prepared the manuscript for public circulation.  If you look at the original version which today resides in the library of Samford University in Birmingham, Alabama you will see that the typed copy concludes with the initials MLK:WM noting the letter's author and woman who typed it, the amazing Willie Pearl Mackey- her personal story  is amazing in its own right as she had been fighting segregation herself from her early days in Atlanta, Georgia where, and this is just one example, she quit her job at a hospital in protest because they refused to treat an African-American gentleman who had suffered a heart attack because it was a whites only hospital.    And again- I think highlighting all the people who contributed- like Jones, and Mackey and Walker is important to understand.  When events happen in history, the perception is often they were accidental or caused by the stars or something, but that is never the case.  And in this case, thousands of children, men and women took great personal risks, and they did it honorably for a long time before things changed.  So, as we get into the letter, last episode we finished by reading the first three paragraphs.  I did want to point out that the version I read, the one most commonly found in textbooks today, has been abridged from the original, not necessarily to revise the content, but just to make it more manageable for students.  Today we will read from the original, as preserved in the papers of Dr. George Bagley, Dr. Bagley as a white pastor was the Executive Secretary of the Alabama Baptist Convention and a likely recipient of this original version, although it's not totally certain how he received his copy. This original version is 21 pages long as typed by Mrs. Mackey.  It was released originally to the media in May following King's arrest on that good Friday in April.  It wasn't officially published until June in the large-scale publication Christian Century, a magazine out of Chicago.      So, let's jump back into the letter.  If you are a student, I would encourage you to pause the podcast for just and second and number the paragraphs so you can follow along and reference the exact text we are quoting from.  There are fifty paragraphs in this unabridged version and we will reference the specific quotes by paragraph.  Last episode we read paragraphs 1-3; I hope you can recognize the anger, and the sarcasm embedded in the language.     Read paragraph 1-4    Of course, Dr. King did not see  these men as being of “genuine good will” or if they were, they were  some of  the most mis-informed or willingly blind ministers in the great state of Alabama.  Either way, as professed religious leaders in their communities- bold enough to take a public stand against racial integration- they were about to get a lesson in history as well as Judeo-Christian theology.  Starting with Dr. King assuming the role of apostle, subtly or not so subtly comparing himself to the greatest of all Christian apostles, the apostle Paul who penned the majority of the New Testament, the Sacred Text of all Christian faiths.  In the introduction of his response, he  compares his response in Birmingham to the apostle Paul's famous response to the call for help in the Bible from the people of Macedonia.  In this famous Biblical text, the Apostle Paul had a vision from God, and in this God-given vision, he receives the commission from God, and I quote Acts 16:9 here,  “During the night Paul had a vision of a man of Macedonia standing and begging him, ‘Come over to Macedonia and help us'”.       No, and this wouldn't be the last allusion to the Bible, Dr. King would make, but it informs the reader that Dr. King's authority will not be coming just from himself, but his arguments would be founded upon the words and principles of the Sacred Text they shared in common.      True, and another great strategy Dr King uses, is not only does he use words and principles form the Holy Bible, Dr. King, very successfully and quickly, starting here at the beginning of the letter, uses the ministers own hypocritical words against them.  These men were quick to demand that Dr. King and his followers live by a set of rules that they themselves very conveniently did not apply to themselves.  This will be called out over and over and over again.     Starting in the very next paragraph he quotes these ministers before challenging their words.  They have accused him of meddling in the affairs of others- somewhere where he was not invited to come- which is ironic considering most Christian denominations see evangelism or proselytizing as part of their mandate.  He confronts the hypocrisy of calling him an outsider directly.  He boldly states that whatever happens in Birmingham affects everyone.  He famously claims, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere” and that “whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly” he says anyone living inside the United States can never be considered an outsider anywhere within its bounds.    Well, the “outsider” accusation is addressed pretty quickly and decidedly in the first four paragraphs, and he is ready to move on to the second complaint, the one claiming that HE is the one in Birmingham stirring things up.  Let's read, paragraphs 5-8.    Paragraphs 5-8    He confronts the power structures here directly and highlights the intentionality of what is being done in the face of ongoing violence.  Well before he arrived there was a long history of injustice and the turning of the blind eye by the “city fathers”. I love that he uses that term to refer to the men running the city- it highlights the role they should have played in protecting their citizens.  A good father would never turn a blind eye to his child being abused.  The inference is that  negligence occurring on a broad scale in this city is no different than dead-beat dad who abandons his children and allows other men to hurt them.     He is then ready to open the movement's playbook and describe the thinking and process behind what these men are belittling.  He again quotes the letter from the ministers.  In their letter they asked for negotiation, to which he responds, the purpose of direct action IS negotiation.  He explains the paradox that the only way to have negotiation is to create a tension so great that the power structures are ready to negotiate instead of just ignore.      He compares the tension they are creating in Birmingham to the positive tensions of the mind referenced by Socrates.  When we pick up the reading again in paragraph 11- paragraph 14 as Dr. King describes the purpose of the direct action campaign as well as paint a picture of the degrading experiences of  Jim Crow laws experienced by millions of African-American citizens of the South. Christy, read those paragraphs for us.    Paragraphs 11-15    He starts by comparing the election of Mayor Albert Boutwell to the return of Jesus Christ.  It totally highlights the ridiculousness of those who have hope that a segregationist mayor will bring justice to African-American citizens.    For those who don't understand the Biblical allusion, let's break it down.    So the New Testament of the Christian Bible ends with the book of Revelation, and in this book, there is a vivid description of the end of the world.  Even if you aren't a Christian, you are likely familiar with a lot of the imagery because it shows up in lots of dystopian movies- this is where we see things like the famous number 666, or the reference to the anti-Christ or the mark of the Beast.  The book describes a planet earth that has gone out of control through totalitarian controllers leveraging every available technology to control human behavior.  It's a very dark book, but at the end of it, according to Revelation, Jesus  returns to earth as a ruler, he destroys the totalitarian dominance and leads humanity to a period of divine peace.  What Dr. King sarcastically says here, is do you honestly think Albert Boutwell is Jesus and ushering in Christ's reign on earth- the man is a segregationist, exactly like Bull Conner.  He is not coming to bring divine peace.  Instead Boutwell is a part of the existing power structure that is reigning in terror.  He then begins to vividly describe the realities of a segregated world for African Americans, highlighting the psychological trauma it creates specifically in children.  How it builds, by its very essence, resentment, fear, under confidence, and ultimately rage.      It's very hard to read these paragraphs without feeling sadness and anger.  After describing the experiences of being denied admission into white only locations, or being made to sleep in a car,  he juxtaposes two kinds of laws and the differences in breaking an unjust law versus enforcing an unjust law.     Read paragraph 15     In paragraph 15  he says, “You express a great deal of anxiety over our willingness to break laws.  …..”  Of course this is something they were all familiar with, but he goes on to school them on the difference between a just law and an unjust law citing St. Augustine, St. Thomas Aquinas, Jewish philosopher Martin Buber, and Lutheran philosopher Paul Tillich.  Let me remind us that he is citing all these men and their works from memory.   He reminds us of something all of these men know, if you are a person who accepts the idea of a higher law given by God to man, and that God's law is above man's civil law is subject to the laws of God and when these two things class, it is not only man's right to stand up to an unjust law, but as a leader and teacher of God's law, these men have a divine responsibility to not only know the difference between these two things, but always be on the side of higher law.  He says, “I can urge men to obey the 1954 decision of the Supreme Court, for it is morally right; and I can urge them to disobey segregation ordinances, for they are morally wrong.”    And of course, in case you don't understand the reference, the 1954 decision of the Supreme Court that he is referring to is Brown versus Board of Education where the Federal Government determined that segregated schools were illegal.  A law, which of course, George Wallace defied with his “segregation forever” line.  But I want to go back to his theological argument because this something every government student needs to be aware of, in the judeo-Christian tradition, laws must uplift the human condition.  The terms Martin Buber employs are difficult for us to understand like an I-thou relationship versus an I-it relationship, but the idea is something most of us feel intuitively.  Laws must apply equally to everyone; what applies to me should apply to you- because under God were are the same- created worthy of respect, and if there is a law that applies itself differently to different groups of people for whatever stated reason, this is an unholy or an unjust law.  Under this theological premise, every Jim Crow law by definition is ungodly and unjust.       Well, it is difficult to follow the deductive reasoning, he is tracing and applying thousands of years of theological thinking to modern day situations.  He explains the nuances of the moral complexities in paragraphs 19-22 by giving examples, examples his minister colleagues would be very familiar with.  Let's read those paragraphs together.    Read paragraphs 19-22    Shadrach, Meshach and Abedego are references to some of the earliest examples in the Jewish and Christian sacred text when in the book of Daniel in the Bible, they were put in fiery furnace for not praying to King Nebuchadnezzar, and for which God himself appeared in the fire with them and kept them from getting burned.  Of course, he references the early Christian martyrs who were thrown into the Roman Colosseum but closer to their present moment, he references that everything Adolph Hitler did was absolutely legal as was all the persecution of Christians that was going on at that very moment in Communist Russia.  For those who aren't familiar with what happened, Stalin rounded of Christians in the middle of the night and they were never seen again.  He took their children, put them in orphanages and subsequently raised by the state to have all the proper views and beliefs.     We have to keep in mind that for us reading this letter in 21st  century, Stalin's communist regime and Hitler's Nazi one are a long time ago and part of history.  But when Dr. King was writing, he was referring to things that had happened during the lifetimes of the people who were reading the letters.  Things, that they not only knew about, but had participated in.  It was they themselves, their brothers and fathers, many of whom had died, who had gone to Europe to fight Hitler's injustices.  It was their Jewish friends and literal family members who had fled here from across the ocean who had been victims to the gravest expression of man's inhumanity to man- the legal racism of the Nazi regime.   It was their Christian brothers and sisters with the same exact beliefs that they had, who were being thrown into prison and slaughtered under the heavy authoritarianism of Soviet communism and legally enforced atheism.  There is NO way any of these Christian or Jewish ministers could defend the idea they had just proposed- the idea that a Christian should ALWAYS obey the law because government by its definition is Godly and infallible.  There is no way they could defend the idea that according to Judeo-Christian values treating people differently and claiming that certain laws or rules apply to some but not to others  is a defensible position by Christian and Jewish ethical and moral standards and their lives and actions in other places on earth was proof they knew better.        We will end today by reading and discussion paragraphs 23-26.  In these paragraphs King references the use of the sanctimonious term “moderate”.  Of course, King was accused of being a radical extremist, and as such, by definition everything he does it wrong.   He'll revisit the accusation of being an extremist  in paragraph 31, but he is first going to address the term “moderate” because that term sounds like something we should all strive for.  After all, that word is positive if you are a “moderate drinker” or “moderate eater” or “moderate exerciser”.      And on the other end of the spectrum, of course, in most things, being extreme is not that great.  You don't want to be an extreme drinker, or eater or sometimes even extreme exercise is too much.  In most political discourse, for example, most of us shy away from being labeled extreme right or extreme left.  But, Dr. King is going to hone in on how these terms, moderate and extreme are labels that people use for other things.  And as such, it is not good  to be a “moderate” if that word is not really being used to mean “moderate” but could be replaced with the word “apathetic”.  Truth be told, by most objective standards, Dr. King, very much, was a moderate.  His methodologies were controversial for that very reason.  There were many civil rights activists that were promoting violence and other extreme courses of action, and he will speak to all of that.   But this term “white moderate” as King explains was often  a cop out term used to disguise apathy to the plight of the African-American in the face of obvious and brutal oppression.  Let's read paragraphs 23-25.    Paragraphs 23-25    On an aside, for those of us who appreciate beautiful rhetoric for the sake of the artful craftmanship of the words and sentences in and of themselves, there is a lot to appreciate in this entire speech.  In fact, if you cross-reference Dr. King's letter with the glossary  from my old AP Language and Composition textbook, you will see that King uses every single rhetorical device and strategy in the glossary.  His craftmanship is diverse and colorful both in his word choice as well as his sentence structure.   But just here, look how he builds his rhetorical climax through the repetition of the phrase I had hoped, I had hoped, notice how he creates beautiful paragraphs by explaining the difference between a positive peace and a negative peace, notice how he creates a vivid simile comparing segregation to a boil that cannot be healed unless it is exposed to light- and even light itself is an archetypal symbol of truth that dates over 6000 years to the beginning pieces of human discourse- and those examples are the ones from paragraph 24.    I like to see you get excited about things like parallelism and similes.    It does come across as nerdy, but it's really brilliant and I think it's worth pointing out that this piece is remarkable not just for WHAT King says, but by HOW he expresses himself..it's done with extreme craftmanship.    True,  I wanted to highlight where we see both the craftmanship of the language intersects with the depth of the ideas- here he compares  the idea of negative peace and the idea of positive peace- because we don't think like that.  What the heck is negative peace- that is an oxymoron.   But he will correctly make the argument that all peace isn't the same and peace in and of itself isn't the goal and in fact, has never been the goal.  What we want is positive peace where everyone is treated with dignity and respect by the authorities, for sure, but also by each other.  Violence will occur inevitably when there is a transgression of this dignity and respect.  It doesn't matter if it is between two people,  or one people against another people, but also by an outside force oppressing everyone.  That is what Bull Connor was enforcing in Birmingham, even among the white population.  Bull Connor was so committed to segregation that if a white citizen resisted Jim Crow by taking down the “Whites Only” sign on his own private property, he would be cited and fined by the city.  If you are a white person and complied, you wouldn't have a problem but you also wouldn't have peace.  King does not encourage negative peace- negative peace may look like peace but it is when everyone is being subjugated, oppressed, and silenced.  For King that is not the goal.  He will also claim that when you have negative peace, the power structures can enforce this negative peace for a while, but eventually tension will build below the surface and violence will emerge.      And positive change without violence is King's goal.    Yes, furthermore, he also going to reference this terrible practice that people in power tend to do and that is to blame the victim when they do things that violate their own stated rules or principles.  These series of rhetorical questions highlight what today we often call gas-lighting.  It is this idea that as a person in power, I do something to create  a no win scenario for you, so that no matter what your reaction is in the face of my obvious unfairness or cruelty, I will blame you for the result of whatever happens.  Everything will always be YOUR fault.      And he again uses example after example of this happening, ultimately landing on the example of Jesus Christ.  Because as every Christian knows, Jesus was falsely blamed and ultimately crucified for making statements that were not acceptable by the political structures of his day.  He was accused of inciting violence.  The authorities claimed it was his fault that he was crucified because his devotion to God made people jealous.  It was his fault that he made people want to crucify him.  It's this twisted way people have of blaming victims for the violence on themselves.    Well, it is, and of course, in paragraph 26 he quotes a letter he received from a white gentleman in Texas, claiming that African-Americans just needed to wait, that change takes time.  King's response to this man is succinct but not without controversy. King claims that time does not heal wounds.  Time is neutral, it is what we do with that time that will heal or not heal.  Let's finish today by reading this paragraph.     Paragraph 26    The beautiful imagery of describing racial injustice as quicksand, and building a picture of we as people pulling people out of it unto the solid rock of human dignity, of course, draws from the Biblical parables of Jesus Christ as he commands his followers to build their lives on the rock.  And although, the exigence of the moment, requires Dr. King to rely heavily on the Sacred Text of Christianity and Judaism, his logical explanations appeal to men and women of all faith traditions as well as the many with no faith tradition.      Next week, we will finish the letter as well as discuss what happened in Birmingham when Dr. King was bailed out by local millionaire, the African-American businessman AG Gaston for $5000.      We will also revisit, the controversial practice, Dr. King had of encouraging children to protest along side their older brothers and sisters.      Yes, and we will see, that it was this controversial decision to put the lives of children on the line, and allow Bull Connor to publicly unleash violence on these little ones, that led to complete outrage and dissembling of the apathetic or “moderate whites” from around the United States, around the globe and even in Soviet Russia.    So, as always, thank you for listening to our discussion today on paragraphs 1-26 of the Dr. King's Letter from Bham Jail.”  Next week we will finish the letter.  If you enjoyed the discussion, please give us a five star rating on your podcast app, also, please reach out to us on any of our social media platforms- fb, insta, twitter, linked in or our website www.howtolovelitpodcast.com.  Don't forget, on the website, you will also find teaching supports if you are an instructor.    Peace out.     

Stars over Hollywood broke one of radio's strongest prejudices: That Saturday daytime was a programming wasteland. When Paul Pierce, CBS production superintendent on the West Coast, announced plans to launch a star-packed dramatic series on Saturday morning, few observers gave it a chance. Getting movie stars to cooperate at 9:30 AM would be impossible, and no one would listen anyway. The stories were generally light comedies. The set was loose and informal; the dress code casual. Occasionally the stars arrived in bathrobes and pajamas. Ivan Ditmars, musical director, used three instruments: the organ, harp, and violin, and sounded more like a small combo than a one-man show. Stars over Hollywood ran for thirteen years in the same time slot, with only two changes in sponsor. This season had a rating of 5.5, first overall for daytime weekend programs. On February 27th, 1954, Barry Sullivan guest-starred in “The Hundred Dollar Bill.”

Bible Reading: Psalm 116:2; 2 Corinthians 1:3-4Grace held her golden retriever's head in her lap and scratched behind her silky ears. But Blondie didn't look up at her with big brown eyes like she usually did. Instead, she lay still, barely breathing. "Why doesn't God hear my prayers?" Tears flowed down Grace's cheeks. "He hears them," said Mom. "But God doesn't always answer our prayers the way we want Him to." She stroked Blondie's soft fur. They were waiting for the veterinarian to come to the house and put Blondie out of pain."Why is He letting Blondie die?" sobbed Grace. Mom handed Grace a tissue. "Unfortunately, Gracie, this is a broken world, and brokenness leads to death. Until Jesus returns, there will always be death and sadness.""Then why bother praying?" Grace asked."Because we trust in Jesus, who came into our broken world and died on the cross to save us. He understands our pain, and even though He sometimes allows sad things to happen, He will send us peace and comfort to help us through it."Days after Blondie was buried, Gracie's eyes were still red from crying. She wouldn't play with her friends, and she didn't want her favorite food, spaghetti.That Saturday, Gracie was in her bedroom when she heard the doorbell. "Gracie," called her mom. "Come here!"When Grace got to the front hall, she saw a man at the door holding a very dirty puppy."I've asked all around the neighborhood," the man said. "But nobody recognizes him. No tags to identify his owner either."Mom looked closely at the dog. "Doesn't seem like he's been taken care of.""Guess I'll take him to the animal shelter," offered the man. Grace looked at her mom. "Let's keep him. Please?"Mom raised her eyebrows, then smiled and nodded.After they took the puppy to the vet for a checkup, Grace spent the afternoon bathing and playing with the little black dog. "We should call him Wiggles," she said. "His back end hasn't stopped wiggling!" She laughed as the puppy licked her hand, then she looked at her mom. "I still miss Blondie so much, but I'm so glad God brought Wiggles to us. Is that a weird thing to say?""No," said Mom. "I understand--and so does Jesus. He shares in our joys as well as our sorrows." -Bonnie CarrHow About You?Have you had something sad happen in your life? Did you pray about it and wonder if God heard you? He did, but that doesn't mean He always answers in the way you want Him to. Because we live in a broken world, bad things sometimes happen. Jesus understands our pain and helps us through it. Trust Him to be with you in hard times--and to rejoice with you in happy times too. Today's Key Verse:He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. (Psalm 147:3 (CSB))Today's Key Thought:Jesus understands our sadness

That Saturday morning vibe

There is no quick fix That's it, that's the content. Thanks for listening! Alright, I know I'm being a little facetious here but this situation is so distressing to me that if I don't act like that, I'll end up quitting work and becoming a hermit here in the hills of Yorkshire, only leaving my cave to test out new

Everret Maxine’s story is one of heartache, but it isn’t one of defeat. Everret is using the struggles and hurdles of her life to walk alongside others who are facing their own pain and hurt. Today we’ll hear how her life of loss has helped her to become an agent of healing. She believes that being a survivor carries responsibility and an opportunity to serve others. She uses her podcast the absence of her to share her life story, and the lessons she has learned as a way of helping others through their own dark times.     https://www.spreaker.com/user/theabsenceofher https://www.facebook.com/IAmEverretMaxine https://twitter.com/everretmaxine https://www.instagram.com/iameverretmaxine         (This transcript is intended as a guide only. It may not be 100% correct.)   Emily Olsen  Wherever there are shadows, there are people ready to kick out the darkness until it bleeds daylight. This is Bleeding Daylight with your host Rodney Olsen.   Rodney Olsen  Everret Maxine’s story is one of heartache but it isn’t one of defeat. Everret is using the struggles and hurdles of her life to walk alongside others who are facing their own pain and hurt. Today we’ll hear how her life of loss has helped her to become an agent of healing.   Please remember to share this story with others and connect with Bleeding Daylight on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. You can follow Bleeding Daylight wherever you listen to podcasts. It's free and it'll ensure you never miss an episode.   Everret Maxine Johnson has seen more than her fair share of heartache but she's now sharing the lessons that trauma and difficulty had taught her to help others. She believes that being a survivor carries responsibility and an opportunity to serve others. She uses her podcast the absence of her to share her life story, and the lessons she has learned as a way of helping others through their own dark times. It's my privilege to introduce you to her today, Everret, welcome to Bleeding Daylight.   Everret Maxine  Good morning. Good morning.   Rodney Olsen  Your story is one of loss in various ways and your first great loss began at a very young age, at just 10, help me understand what was happening for you at that time.   Everret Maxine  Well, at 10, my mother and I were still living with my grandmother, my maternal grandmother, and her sister lived there as well. That was my great aunt. And me and my great aunt Lv, we were inseparable. She would create little games for me to play. And she was a lot older than I was when she passed, I think she was about 70. So she was like, it was like a 60 year difference, but we would play in the yard together, we would, we would just do all kinds of things together. And so when she passed, it was really hard for me. She went through two types of cancer and the last time she had, I believe it was a tumor in the stomach because she had two different things back to back and we had went to Astroworld, which was the theme park here in Texas. And I was having such a nice time. And I'm on a ride with my friend. And mind you I'm a 10 year old kid. And I look at my friend and it's not my friend. It's my aunt Lv sitting next to me, waving goodbye. I was just stunned, like what just happened. So I get back to my aunt Odessa's house. And we're there. And my uncle called to say that my great aunt surgery went fine. And he had left a message on the voicemail. And shortly after that, he called and said, she passed away. I beat my fist into the floor. I cried all night, I cried for days. Because here I was 10 years old, I didn't understand. And me and my friend had made her a welcome home sign. And I was so excited because I didn't understand death. You know, when you're a kid, you think everybody is immortal. And so that was really hard for me to understand.   Rodney Olsen  So even before her passing, she was going through a very serious illness with the cancer. What was that like for you as a child, seeing someone that you loved going through that difficulty?   Everret Maxine  Once she started going through, it was hard for me because she couldn't do the things that she used to do. And then she was relocated out of my grandmother's home to the nursing home, my mom worked back. Even though she was ill, I couldn't really tell other than her being in the nursing home until they had to shave her hair off for a surgery. And I believe that was the second surgery. And it was seeing her hair shaved off, her beautiful hair got gray hair gone. And she just didn't look like the same person. Now she looked like a sick woman. In my mind, I still thought that hey, this was my playmate, my great aunt, my friend, she was still going to recover from this.   Rodney Olsen  I know it sounds like you're surrounded by family at this stage. There's your mother and Uncle another auntie. were they trying to explain to you what was happening at the time? Or do they feel you're a child? And we'll try and keep that away from you?   Everret Maxine  You know, Rodney, nobody took the time to explain to me what was going on. I was an only child at the at the time and my mother always felt Well, she's intelligent, she understands. And I think people think when you're book smart, you understand all things and you don't like even kids that are really smart me life experiences explained to them,   Rodney Olsen  I guess it must have been difficult for them at that time as well. Seeing a loved relative who's on the verge of passing away, but it would be difficult to not actually know what's going on until it happened. So how did you begin to find a way back from that? How did you begin to find healing?   Everret Maxine  Well, I started attending church when after she passed away, there was a church around the corner, and I started going to the church at that time. My mom was not going to church with me. And I started participating in a youth group. And as a youth group, we had a youth matron who I'm still associated with now. And she was just like this great woman of God had all this positive energy. And I started being around other children my age because at that time, I had only been around my aunt really, I would go to school. But as far as like being around children my age I didn't spend much time with. So when I started going to church, I was learning about God and this awesome power of positive experience in this life and salvation and that was just like my source. Like, anytime they opened the church doors, even if it was the elders having a prayer service, I want it to be in the midst of that,   Rodney Olsen  After this tragedy of losing your great art, you found something to hang on to. And it sounds like church was a great place of solace for you. But back at school, it wasn't all that easy, was it?   Everret Maxine  No, it wasn't because my newfound love for Christ did not eliminate my reality. One thing about Christianity, and I had to learn that over the years, is that although believing in Christ gives us a positive hope, it doesn't mean you're not going to go through things. Like when you're a baby in Christ, should I say you think oh, well, I believe in Christ. So I'm not gonna go through anything. And at school, I was still kind of like an oddball. Like I say, my mom only birth one child. So I didn't really know how to fix my hair. And I didn't wear the latest trends. And I didn't really care too. That was my thing. I didn't have to feel like I needed to wear the latest trends. I just cared about bookwork. I like homework, I like test, I loved math class. And so the kids picked on me a lot.   Rodney Olsen  So you're being picked on you're being bullied, I believe you're even skipping school at this stage. So something that you love you're trying to stay away from, because it's just too painful to be there. How did you reconcile those things of wanting to be there so much, and yet, knowing that, that's just going to bring extra pain for you?   Everret Maxine  Well, I don't believe I just ever really reconciled it. I tolerated it. I never really learned how to do my school years defend myself. Due to junior high years, I would still go but I would go like half of the day, I would let up think my mother would think I've been to school all day, because she worked two jobs. So anything that was going on with me, it was putting me into a like a dark depression. I just really I didn't even you know, want to live or exist anymore. And one of the things that I talked about in the podcast is my attempts with suicide, and wanting to give up on life. I tried a number of times, but my relationship with God and knowing God, and knowing the basics of Heaven and Hell, even though I hated being on earth and felt like I was living in Hell, I was afraid that if I ended my life, I would end up in hell eternally. And so I kind of just feel like I was just stuck and had to pick up the pieces. Now once I got to me in high school, you think about college and things like that. And because my home life kind of wasn't, you know what everybody thought, I just figured, okay, if I buckled down, get the good grades, I can go off to college, and all of this life will be behind me. And well, it just didn't work out that way. But you know, I pushed through. I did graduate on time, I did graduate with honors as well.   Rodney Olsen  And around the age of 16, your family life started to change to I believe.   Everret Maxine  A whole lot things change. This is about in 1997 that my mother did get married. She got with him, I want to say in about 96. So during the time that my mother had got with her husband, I was a teenager, he had just been us for the most of our life. And so I was like, I'm not gonna live in this situation. I'll go live with my grandmother because we had moved out of my grandmother's house after my great aunt passed. I kept going back about I leave my mom's house, you know, I can't I can't do this. Because when she brought him into the picture, and I only speak about this because this was their past. They wants to deliver it from it. Call him my father. Now because he was there most of my life. He had a drug habit. She was still battling alcohol use. So that combined was just a toxic environment. At the point that my grandmother had accepted that hey, yeah, you know, maybe it'll be okay for you to come and stay. My grandmother passed away. So then they got married. My mom asked me what I attend a wedding and I told her No, I just couldn't. Because I believe if you attend a wedding and you sit Watch them exchange your vows. You agree to uphold those vows and support the marriage. And in my whole heart, I couldn't do that. I helped her get dressed for the wedding. You know, she wasn't beautiful that day, but I just could not attend.   Rodney Olsen  That must have been a real struggle for you. Is there any time since then that you've regretted that or you still feel that that was the thing that you had to do in that moment,   Everret Maxine  Even though they've both now passed on, I don't regret my decision. Because I knew that I couldn't support the marriage. I mean, I had my own wedding, I wouldn't want anybody whether they're blood or friend, to show up if they don't support.   Rodney Olsen  So this is all still happening while you're still in your teenage years and these are the years that are the most formative years in our lives. And yet, it seems to be one trauma after another year, you've lost your great art, you've never lost your grandmother and and your mother is entering into a marriage that you you don't agree with? Again, where are you finding solace during this time? Where are you finding someplace to go to that is helping you through these difficulties,   Everret Maxine  Our still crying out to God, because at this point, right about 16 was when I had stopped attending church, because when she got in the relationship, it was harder for me to go because it was like, I was radical for Christ, like I believed in Christ. And it was as if they were testing my faith, July of 1996, a couple of months before they got married, I had also been sexually assaulted, I had went to go stay with a friend from church and their family. And so nobody knew about it. And I waited about two months for I actually told anyone, but I kind of withdrew from the church, and the youth matron that I was close to we lost contact for some years. And so I just had to continue in my own faith. And with my own hope that once I graduated, I can just go to college and be free of the situation.   Rodney Olsen  So you're holding this hurting side that you've not told anyone about what happens when you do graduate college? How does life start to turn at that point,   Everret Maxine  Right before I graduate high school, I was accepted to several different colleges, Spelman College, and Georgia Liberty University in Virginia, just a number of colleges, but I was not allowed to travel outside the state. My parents didn't think that was the best choice. My mom had a hard time supporting my decision to go to college. She had gotten her GED at the age of 17, when she had her first marriage before I was born. And she had been a Nurse Aide for majority of her life. So she just kind of felt like, you know, why are you pursuing this college thing? Why can't you just get a job like normal people and save money because not many people in my family at that point had been to college. So my first semester I went off to Wharton junior college, and I enjoyed it. I still worked, but it none of my college experience was like, you know, get to go enjoy the clubs or the college experience. My first semester was spent at Wharton, and then I went to Baylor, which was highly expensive. So of course, on my own, I couldn't afford it. And I really couldn't afford to stay. So then I ended back at Wharton. From then there was some gaps for some years. Somewhere in there. I would do a couple of classes here and there. But I didn't get to really have a consistent college, career and experience.   Rodney Olsen  So how did college continue for you? Did you manage to graduate? Where did you get to with your studies?   Everret Maxine  Well, in January of 2005, I decided to pursue a degree in environmental health and safety after working in a couple of what we call shutdowns. After chemical plants. It's where they shut down the plant for maintenance. And so I would do like helper jobs or Firewatch jobs and fire watches just watch for fires I happen. I saw people being this job title call safety tech that paid really well. And so I went and got my associates degree in environmental health and safety. And I graduated with that in December 2007. Now seeking employment for that particular position really didn't work out in my favor. But I did end up continuing my bachelor's degree and I want to say I went back around oh eight and started on my bachelor's degree again. There was some delay. After I went back I started attending Texas Southern University. Originally my bachelor's degree was in communications and poly side because I wanted to be a attorney. And when I decided to continue it I said, Well, I want to do education, I had been a substitute part time here and there. And I really liked being in the classroom. So I'm happy to say, even though it took me several extra years, I just graduated with my Bachelors of education. With the content area of math and science grades four through eight, December 2020,   Rodney Olsen  You finally got that graduation that you were looking for all those years, when we go back and look at those years where it was a struggle for you to have that college education and going between colleges, what was happening for you personally, what was happening in your personal life?   Everret Maxine  Well, in 2008, I married my husband, my former husband, and we had been friends, since I was 12, the marriage was rather difficult, and I'll say on both ends, you know, Women liked to bash the men but we both had issues coming into the marriage. And so I thought that, you know, it was gonna just be this great relationship, because we had lived together before. And we had a lot of financial struggles. And so somewhere in there, he says, you know, me trying to pursue this degree was, you know, draining all our money, which really wasn't, again, I went through a relationship, just like with my mother of not having the support to pursue my degree, I put it on hold, I didn't think it would be five years because that was 2013, I decided not to pursue the degree anymore. And so when I went back to finish it, it was 2018, there was a lot of toxic discord between me and my former husband, that kind of just wore me out emotionally, because I already didn't have a good emotional foundation, and had already been through several traumas that I had not addressed that I didn't see as trauma. Because let me say this, I am from the black culture, and we don't advocate therapy and mental health awareness, and talking about your problems. We advocate, you know, pray about it, and it'll go away, or, you know, you know, don't tell anybody your secrets. And so I had literally buried a lot of that stuff in me. I've come to learn, though, when you bury that stuff it's still taking root in your life. And so I stayed in the marriage for 10 years, we were together almost 20. Before I finally said, I had had enough that it was time to let it go. From January of 2017. Until the end of last year, I was in therapy, learning whoever it is, it was quite an experience. Now I know how much damage not only that I was doing to myself, but also to him for going into a marriage and having unhealed wounds.   Rodney Olsen  I've spoken to a number of people about the fact that so often we don't actually know what is normal when we're in a situation that is so outside what we would see as normal. We don't see it as such, because it's all we know was that a bit of the case for you that really, as far as marriage and relationships went you hadn't had that modeled and so you were just doing what you thought you should do   Everret Maxine  With my parents, their marriage, even though they were close knit, they were always together. Like when they'd have arguments yelling and screaming was normal. When me and my former husband would get into it, yelling and screaming was normal, me throwing something in breaking something was normal, saying degrading things to each other, you know, to tear each other down. That was my normal. And so I didn't see anything wrong with that. People reproduce what they see.   Rodney Olsen  And you had that difficulty of all these traumas backing up, and then just trying to act in the best way that you knew how you've already mentioned that you went into therapy. Did that start to turn the lights on for you to start to realize, aha, there is a different way of dealing with some of this drama?   Everret Maxine  Oh, absolutely. There'll be took me to places I had never experienced it was nothing like I thought it would be it was with a Christian therapist. So I thought, Oh, she's going to tell them about Jesus loves you, blah, blah, throw some scriptures at me, and I'm not going to feel any type of way. But our first session was she dug into the sexual assault. That to me, you know, I just met this person, I don't know this person. And I'm like, Oh, that's what she wants to talk about. And it took me about three months before I began actually trusting her enough to open up and it was like layers were coming off. Because I learned that the mother is the foundation. And so because our relationship wasn't solid, and then we She got married, it was like, okay, I've never felt like I was first in your life. And then now here you are, you've married somebody and made him first. I don't have anybody. So then I get married, thinking this person is supposed to put me first. And when I felt like it was some disconnect, or he was putting me first, I just completely lost it. And sometimes it wasn't even the case. But I had all those insecurities that I didn't feel like I was somebodies priority.   Rodney Olsen  So this whole time, there's this insecurity built right through your, your childhood. And again, that that teaching or that prevailing culture that says, We don't talk about our issues, we just stuffed them down. How was faith for you at this stage? Was that something you were still able to cling on to? Were you still able to reach out to God during this time? Or was this a time apart from him?   Everret Maxine  In the marriage, we had stopped attending church after about the first five years into the marriage, there was some issues going on at the church we were at. So we had stopped going. In our own minds, we kind of just felt like we were okay. We would, you know, go gambling, we had loss of employment. We were kind of just as people say, doing me just living our own life. Now, as far as the miracles that God could do. I was believing he could turn things around. Because I believe it was about in 2004 that my mother who I said had the alcohol addiction. She collapsed at home and had been sick for some while but we thought it just was a regular chest call. And she collapsed and was life flighted, and was in the hospital for a month. For the first week in the hospital, she was comatose, the doctors didn't believe she was survive. And on the eighth day, she woke up and she gave me a call. She was in a state of paralysis. She had to learn to walk again. But her desire to drink and smoke she no longer had in my adulthood, I had a better relationship with her. And I had a better view of how God could change things. So my hope that God could change things was still there. But my desire to go to church to seek His word was not   Rodney Olsen  What changed that for you. Because I know that you very much cling to God now what turned you around to face him and cling more tightly to him   Everret Maxine  in 2014, my aunt Amanda, one of my mom's sisters, she suddenly passed away, out of nowhere in March of 2014. And I was at work when that happened. Fast forward to July of 2014, my father then passed my mom's husband going through that, it was just like, golly, these people were gone. And I need to do something to get myself in alignment with God. Because all my father asked for during his final days was his Bible. 2016, I lose another off. And in that same year was the year me and my husband separated. I had kind of felt like a huge disconnect from him. And it was it just seems like we were going in the same circles, no progress. And so I had started 2016, a lady that I was very close to Miss Mary Jane. She was in her 80s when she passed away. And her and I were good friends. She was also my us matron Teresa's mother. So we reconnected after about 15 years later. So I spent a lot of time at her home. And so I had time to separate myself from the things that were going on in my household. And I could see that this isn't good. And so she invited me to church. And so for a little while I didn't you know, accept the invitation. And then I finally started going. And as I started going and getting the word me again, and hearing the pastor preach, it felt like she was preaching to my situations. And one of the things that she said was that God changes people, you're going to wear yourself out trying to force people to change. My former husband had told me a number of things that he didn't want, he didn't care to do. And it was like I was still trying to force him to change and trying to force him to change. I was forcing myself to be unhappy. And so I finally got to a place in my life where when he walked out in my of my life in 2016 I was like this is gonna be the last time Because he had walked out in my life before, and I would beg him back or I would want the marriage to work, being a believer in Christ, and caring too much about what other people thought I would keep getting back in this marriage because I didn't want to fail. And I was afraid to fail, no matter how much damage it did to me emotionally.   Rodney Olsen  And I know that as you came closer to God, that that was maybe preparing you for some more difficulties that were coming your way and losing someone very close to you.   Everret Maxine  I gave it a couple of years, because I don't believe in immediately running to divorce. Two years down the road, I'm now establishing myself to be an adult on my own, because I had never lived on my own. In 2018 May 28, my grandmother, Roxy, she took her final breath. And it was the five year anniversary of her brothers passing. And my grandma, Roxy was my grandma by marriage, but she was still my grandma. We went to her bedside. And at her bedside, my mom was talking about when she had an asthma attack at work. And so me and my my brother, like you didn't mention that. And so she says, Oh, I don't tell y'all everything. And for some reason, it hit me in my gut that if my mother ever passed away, that would be what happened to her. So on that day, before we went to go see my grandmother at the nursing home, I tell my mom about the therapy, because here I've been in therapy over a year now. And I've never mentioned it to her because I didn't know what her take of it was going to be. And when I told her about the therapy, she said, I'm so glad you have somebody to talk to the Sunday, June 17. It was Father's Day. And I had a video that I was going to show my mom sent to my mom that I had of her standing at her husband's bedside during his final moments. But I said, If she's not thinking about him, I'm not going to upset her. And so late that night, it was about 11 o'clock till 11 o'clock that night. I just had this urge to go and be my mom. I'm crying, carrying on. And now I've moved out of town an hour and a half away. So I drive back home. I parked in the driveway. And I told my friend Theresa, I said, I'm going to sit here because I don't know why. But I'm crying for my mom. But sitting in their driveway was a little creepy. So I drove up to some family's property and just sat there. And then I drove home. Once my spirit got calm, I drove home, and I prayed. And I was praying over myself. For no thoughts of depression, no thoughts of suicide, just and I'm like, why am I praying like this? Well, Tuesday morning, I got a phone call as I'm going into therapy. It was my mom's job. And they said, Everret, please go check on your mother. She hasn't been to work. She had sounded bad when she left work that Friday. That Saturday, she had called them and told them she wasn't coming in. She was sick. And I will assume she was off that Sunday and Monday. And so Tuesday when she didn't show. They knew something wasn't right. My mother never calls in sick from work. She's never no call no show. So even before anybody told me anything, I knew she was already deceased. So I didn't call the authorities. And I didn't know that the person who had called me which was an in law at the time, she had also called my husband. And he cause him and my mom so had a decent relationship. And he had called one of my cousins and they had kicked in the door. Well, nobody wanted to tell me over the phone. So when I got to town I called and I asked is she gone. Nobody wants to tell me and I said I'm okay because I already feel that she's gone. And she had been she was sitting on the couch. She had been gone a couple of days. So I really feel like that Sunday, when I pulled up and was crying her spirit was already leaving. And that was a transforming moment for me for my life. And that is where my podcast came from. The Absence of Her.   Rodney Olsen  The podcast seeks to call out things in other people when they're going through dark times. And I suppose not everyone is going to have a story that is just like yours, but people will see themselves in some of those dark times. And I know that one of the things that called you to actually start reaching out and helping others with the help that God was pouring into you was a very odd dream.   Everret Maxine  I have a lot of visions, but I had this dream where I was, I didn't have any clothes on. And God said naked but not ashamed. Here, I was going through the separation going through this very public time in my marriage. My grandmother had passed, my mom had passed. And people are saying, Oh, you're so strong, you're so strong, you know. And I felt like you're I am presenting this lot of people because I go through things as well. And so in him saying naked, but not ashamed, was for me to uncover the things that I had been through. And don't be ashamed of your life experiences. But share them so that other people know that, hey, somebody went through this and survived, because the same year that my mother passed away, she passed away in June, I filed divorce shortly after it was final November 5, of 2018. And so a lot of people were in shock, because they thought the marriage was so good, I thought things are so good between us. And so that's what I just been began pouring out my life experiences and things that I had been through. And I love that God used me as that vessel, because I've had responses from mainly women of things that they have been through that they've never spoke about and they're happy that I've shared, because now they know that, hey, I'm not the only one that went through this.   Rodney Olsen  You mentioned before that it's very much a cultural thing for you to hide the things that are going on inside. So are you finding that those who are responding are people from your own culture in that way, who have been brought up in that same way to be told you don't go to therapy, you don't tell people what you're going through, you just stuffed inside?   Everret Maxine  Yes, there are a lot majority of them are from the black culture, they are open to sharing with me, so I pray for them. And I tell God, you know, use me wisely. And I share with about my mental health experience. Um, and I share about the therapy and the benefits of it. You can't force anybody to do anything. But if you know somebody that has gone through it, you're more likely to try it and say, Hey, I see that turn that person's life around. That's just like with, you know, being a Christian, everybody's not gonna run to the church, but they were gonna look at your life and say, you know, is it doing is a relationship Christ doing something for them.   Rodney Olsen  And that's the point that you're bringing people to, obviously with the podcast has had quite a number of episodes already, as you start to unpack the things that you've been through. And I'm sure that it's not just helpful for the people that are listening and who are getting in touch. But it must be really helpful for you to be able to unpack a lot of that in front of your audience.   Everret Maxine  It is a very healing experience. For me, I was told at the age of 16, that I would be standing before the people talking to the people and I had not even been halfway through what I've been through now. And so now I'm at the ripe age of 40. Last year with the podcast, I began doing Her Fridays, allowing other women to share their life experiences with others. I pray about every episode is not just me rambling out at the mouth about you know, my life or something that is going on. But I want it to be a purposeful message. And so it is very healing for me to talk about what I've been through those those God moments that hey, you some five minutes like you kick life in the tail, kiddo. So hey, yeah,   Rodney Olsen  And of course, with all the trauma that you've been through over those many years in various ways, we will be foolish to think that you're completely over everything now. But you're actually still going on that journey. And it must be a real benefit. For those who are listening in to know that, hey, we're on this journey together. It's not some unrealistic expectation that suddenly it's all going to fall into place, but that we can walk this journey together, but you and your listeners are together, walking towards healing towards hope,   Everret Maxine  Even the women that I interview, I still try to reach out and see how they're doing. Because every day is just because I am in a place of trying to heal does not mean that my life is perfect at this point. Grief is a process, but we don't have to stay in a state of depression and state of mourning. Because that person is not here. There is purpose for your pain. That's what I tell myself. I mean, I just had a cry the other day because I missed my mom. It's a process you know, but you you get up and you find some positive things to do. You you write you exercise You realize that I am not going through this alone. And that is, you know what I want all people that believe all motherless daughters that you're not going through this alone,   Rodney Olsen  Your podcast is called the Absence of Her. It's going to be very healing for a lot of people. I'm sure. If people are wanting to find that or get in touch with you, where's the easiest place for them to go?   Everret Maxine  I have an Instagram which is at iamEverretmaxine. That's the same title on my Facebook page. And the podcast is located on just about any outlet, Google podcast, Spotify, I Heart Radio, Pandora. So if you just type in the Absence of Her, or if you do the hashtag, I am Everret Maxine. You can also find me   Rodney Olsen  And we'll certainly put the details and links of how to get in touch with you in the show notes at bleeding daylight dotnet. But now people have a direct link to get in touch with you. Ever. This has been an extraordinary story that you've been telling him. And I want to thank you for your honesty and your openness in sharing this story with us. And I know that this is not the end of the story, but I know that it's going in the right direction. And I just want to say once again, thank you so much for your time with us on bleeding daylight today.   Everret Maxine  Thank you for the opportunity to share.   Emily Olsen  Thank you for listening to Bleeding Daylight. Please help us to shine more light into the darkness by sharing this episode with others. For further details and more episodes, please visit bleedingdaylight.net    

We’re now at a point in this murky pandemic where one thing is clear - uncertainty about the future is a commonly held concern. This week, Albemarle and Charlottesville both reported one-day records as a second local surge hit due in part to the arrival of UVA students from across the country to begin in-person instruction. On this Saturday, February 20 edition of the Charlottesville Community Engagement Newcast and Newsletter, we hear the response from the University of Virginia as a Town Hall held Friday afternoon.We’ll also check in with officials at UVA Health and hear a statement from the Blue Ridge Health District related to long lines this past Wednesday at the vaccination clinic at the former K-Mart. The idea of this newsletter is intended to make things a little less murky as you make your decisions about your life in the days, weeks, and months to come. Before we begin today, a quick look at the numbers from the Virginia Department of Health. Statewide, new cases in the Commonwealth are dropping and the seven-day average is now at 2,055 a day. That average was 3,035 last Saturday and 6,149 on January 20. The seven-day average for positive PCR tests is now at 8.2 percent. Down from 13.5 percent a month ago.But locally, the Blue Ridge Health District has experienced its highest-ever number of new cases this week with 936 since Sunday. The majority of those cases were in Albemarle and Charlottesville. The city had 80 new cases on Wednesday, 99 cases on Thursday, 107 on Friday before going back down to 60 today. That matches the the one-day high for all of 2020 on September 18, which was the last time UVA students returned to in-person instruction.Before we get to the Town Hall, a few more facts to keep in mind. There have been 117 fatalities in the Blue Ridge Health District, and no new deaths have been reported since February 11. Two-thirds of the 12,668 cases in the district have been contracted by people under the age of 50, yet only two of the 117 fatalities are from people below that that age, and those two individuals were in their forties. More than three quarter of those deaths have been from people over the age of 70.Source: Blue Ridge Health Department The University recognized the concern in the Charlottesville community and held a town hall Friday. Jim Ryan is the UVA president.  (watch the town hall)“On Tuesday, we enacted temporary restrictions designed to slow the spread of the virus that causes COVID-19,” Ryan said. “Our hope is to lift these restrictions by the end of next week but that will depend on what we see over the next several days.” These include a ban on in-person gatherings and encouraging students both on and off campus to stay at home. In-person instruction remains open, as do research activities. The restrictions were intended to stave off potential holiday-related gatherings. “It was Mardi Gras, the next day was a day off from classes, and we thought students would be getting together that night,” Ryan said. “This was not a decision we made lightly and it was a decision informed by the unanimous advice of our medical doctors.” University of Virginia President Jim RyanThe town hall was intended to respond to allegations that the spike was increased by fraternal organization who held in-person recruitment activities this year. That didn’t happen in the fall, when those activities were not permitted. Ryan said the increase was not related to these activities. “The positive cases so far have been distributed across the entire student population and include students living both on-Grounds and off-Grounds, undergraduate and graduate students, and students affiliated with a large number of groups,” Ryan said. Ryan said research into the cases did not single out one of those groups, but contact tracing appears to indicate a general trend of people not adhering to the rules. “This doesn’t mean that all students who contracted the virus were being intentional scofflaws flouting the restrictions,” Ryan said. “Instead the picture is a lot more complicated with some students who were undoubtedly ignoring health and safety protocols and others who made innocent and understandable mistakes or simply let their guards down which many of us if we’re honest, myself included, have done over the course of the last year.” Ryan said fraternity and sorority rush contributed to the cases, but were not the entire cause of the spike. “We should be aware of and reject a single simplistic narrative where there’s one villain or one villainous group to blame,” Ryan said. “The fact is that there are multiple causes across a range of groups and individuals. Some were willful and others far more innocent.”Ryan said the UVA administration did not have the ability to ban the recruitment events without imposing a total ban on all organizations from having any meetings. During his interlude, he said the University did not want to become a totalitarian state.“This was another situation where we are trying sincerely to strike the right balance between freedom and trust on the one hand, and complete control on the other,” Ryan said. “If we got that balance wrong, I’m sorry, and please lay the blame at my feet as I’m ultimately responsible.”Ryan implored students and faculty to obey the rules to avoid continued restrictions to avoid community spread. Now, how can we track that going forward? Since last August, UVA has had a COVID dashboard with cases that has results from all of the various testing methods under way. When this is reported every weekday at 4 p.m. it gives a first look at transmission rates related to the UVA. These cases later show up on the Virginia Department of Health dashboard, which is updated daily. Dr. Mitch Rossner is the chair of the UVA Department of Medicine.“The COVID-tracker has probably the most up to date data that you’ll see,” Rossner said. “Some of the other data that’s reported in other venues may lag up to several days behind that.”The UVA COVID dashboard is updated Monday through FridayAnother item tracked on the UVA COVID dashboard is the number of available rooms for quarantine and isolation. Also, hospitalizations. “Thankfully the number of new hospitalizations in the last couple of weeks has also come down,” Rossner said. “Also, thankfully we have not seen any students developing serious illnesses or requiring hospitalization.”Dr. Rossner said the presence of the COVID variants will present new challenges and will likely infect those who do not follow protocols. “It’s a good wake-up call for all of us,” Dr. Rossner. “Have you edged closer to six feet? Had that mask slipped below your nose? Really it points out that despite pandemic fatigue, it’s really not the time to be slacking off on these public health measures.” The current restrictions will remain in place through February 26 and will be re-evaluated next week. The first question at the town hall was about enforcement. Dean of Students Allen Grove said UVA officials did issue sanctions on some individuals last year. “For well over 50 years, the Board of Visitors at the University has delegated the authority to discipline students for violation of the standards of conduct to students through the University Judiciary Committee,” Groves said. “Our office investigates reports and complaints and then files with the University Judiciary Committee and they have a hearing and sanction. The violation must be shown beyond a reasonable doubt for a sanction to be imposed. We do have in our office the authority to interim suspend a student for an egregious  violation and we did impose a number of those in the fall.” The website for the student-run UJC states that the body heard 9 cases involving 43 violations of COVID policy, but Groves said those numbers are now out of date as official hearings were not held until January.“We have brought cases for COVID violations against a number of individual students and also student organizations including five of our fraternities,” Groves said. A major concern is that these student cases will lead to transmission to the broader Charlottesville community. Infectious disease expert Dr. Costi Sifri has been leading up UVA’s interaction with the Blue Ridge Health District to explain how they will know if that occurs. “We work closely with contact tracers to understand what the interactions are between students and with the community at large and to have those understandings,” Sifri said. “There are parts of the UVA community that have overlap with the rest of the community and as part of that contact tracing effort we are here to work to make sure that we have effective mitigation strategies in place. And of course it’s really important to have active lines of communication between the Department of HEalth and with the contact tracers and those of us who have this public health role for the university.” Dr. Taison Bell is a critical care specialist at UVA who was named by Business Insider magazine last year as one of its 30 Leaders Under 40 Changing Healthcare. He said the COVID crisis has had the potential to improve community health for many in the area. “Being a good partner to the community means that we are using the community leaders that have been doing a lot of the work that’s been taking place before COVID-19 and really using them to really reach their community,” Dr. Bell said. “And in particular, changing the model of medicine where we actually go into communities is really the name of the game when it comes to COVID-19 when it comes to public health messaging and making sure people have the resources they need and ultimately getting the vaccine rolled out.” To close out this segment, let’s hear President Ryan ask one of the questions.“Mitch, I think this one is for you,” Ryan said. “Why do we have faith that we’ll not get a resurgence of cases the moment restrictions are lifted.”“Well, part of the basis of restrictions is really to flatten the curve, but after we flatten the curve, the key thing is really going to be for all of us to maintain that vigilance, those public health measures going forward,” Dr. Rossner said. “That’s going to be the critical thing. This is not a short-term ‘wear your mask for the end of the week and then when the case numbers look better we can go back to business as usual.’ This is really a wake-up call for us that we have to to really adhere to these health measures on a continuous basis. If we do that we can be successful, but flattening the curve this next week or so is really to get those case numbers down and get us back into a position where we can be successful.”In the meantime, vaccinations continue, despite logistical issues like the one experience this week at the Blue Ridge Health District. “We’ve provided over 40,000 vaccine doses since the onset of our vaccine efforts and at this point I think around 25 percent or more of all citizens in Charlottesville have been vaccinated with at least one dose and it’s around 15 percent or higher in Albemarle,” Dr. Sifri said. “We are trying to be the lever-arm for the health district to roll out the vaccine for our region.”(this is the point of the written newsletter where I remind you this is also a podcast)In almost a year of pandemic coverage, one thing I’ve been struck by is the sheer amount of research that takes place in the UVA Health System. One item that struck my eye this week was the release of a paper that found that only two percent of Virginians had COVID-19 antibodies in their blood as of mid-August. That could mean that “herd immunity” is a long way off. Dr. Eric Houpt is the chief of UVA Health’s Division of Infection Diseases and International Health. “It was a broad survey of about 5,000 people in Virginia to see how many have been exposed to COVID-19,” Dr. Houpt said. “If you do some mathematical calculations you can project where we are today and that would project that we’re at about 15 to 20 percent that have been exposed to COVID-19 in Virginia.” Dr. Houpt said the virus will have a harder time spreading when 60 to 80 percent of the population have antibodies. Blood samples were taken from people from five locations across Virginia who were visiting the doctor for routine reasons and not for COVID. “About two out of three of the positive individuals that had antibodies had been exposed to COVID-19 [but] had never had any symptoms at all,” Dr. Houpt said. “That’s in keeping with other findings. Some studies find 40 percent, some 50 percent asymptomatic.”Dr. Houpt said the results mean it is likely that most Virginians are still susceptible to the virus, and public health measures such as mask wearing in public should be the norm for the foreseeable future. He also said this means people should get the vaccine as soon as they are able.“We still have a long way to go,” Dr. Houpt said. “The best way to get there for sure is through vaccination.” The study will be repeated in the summer. For more on the work, read the press release on the UVA health site. Read more about the study on the UVA Health websiteThe antibody study came up at the weekly COVID briefing by UVA Health, which was held Friday morning. Dr. Sifri participated on that call as well. “There remains many people who are susceptible to infection and I think [the study] really emphasizes the importance of the vaccination programOne concern is that the U.K. and South African variants may provide challenges to the vaccines. Dr. Sifri recommends people get the vaccines anyway. “It’s really important to keep in mind that the Johnson and Johnson vaccine and others that have been looked at in South Africa appear to protect against severe disease, hospitalizations, and deaths,” Dr. Sifri said. “So while it may be less effective it also appears that these vaccines do offer protection against the most important outcomes for COVID protection.”Governor Northam has asked all school divisions across Virginia to plan for at least some return to in-person instruction in the near future. Charlottesville plans a four-day return to school on March 8 for pre-K through 6th students whose families have requested in-person instruction, as well as middle and high school students identified as needing face-to-face support. Albemarle County is currently at Stage 3 learning and will move to Stage 4 learning on March 15, which means four-days a week for pre-K through 3rd grade and two-days a week for 4th through 12th grade. Some families have expressed concern that the latest spike in cases might put those plans in jeopardy. “What we’ve learned over this past year and it’s really been highlighted lately by the CDC is that in-classroom instruction can occur in a safe manner, safe for the students and safe for the teachers,” Dr. Sifri said. “It has to be done thoughtfully and appropriately with attention to social distancing, mask wearing, hand hygiene, and the air handling systems and those HVAC types of issues in schools. If there is close attention to those, schools can reopen.” Dr. Sifri said in Virginia, vaccination of K-12 teachers is a priority, which he said would provide an extra layer of protection, but that the community health protocols should still be used. “The advice and recommendations have not changed,” Dr. Sifri said. “If you’ve been vaccinated, still we should continue to wear masks for several important reasons. The first is that while the vaccines are very effective for the widely circulating strains, 95 percent protective. 95 percent isn’t quite 100 percent. It’s close and outstanding, but not 100 percent.”Dr. Sifri said the second reason is that it’s theoretically possible that someone vaccinated can still be a carrier. “The third I think important reason is to understand that not everybody knows, we don’t know who does or who does not have a COVID vaccine in our community so if you’re not wearing a mask in a place where people are not aware that you have been vaccinated, that could lead to significant concerns to other people that you are perhaps endangering their health and safety.” Dr. Sifri said the day may come soon when this advice changes as more is known about vaccine performance. “That’s of course at a time when I think we have a lot more people vaccinated but I think we can look forward to that day so at least for now I think we need to continue to wear a mask,” he said. Finally today, the Blue Ridge Health District put out a statement on its Facebook page on Thursday explaining what happened on Wednesday at its vaccination clinic. The full details are available on the Facebook page, but some highlights are worth clipping out. “The clinic was intended for 400 hundred individuals ages 65+ that live in Albemarle County, certain essential workers, and those who were on Saturday’s waitlist for a vaccine clinic for communities of color,” reads the statement.That Saturday clinic had to be postponed due to inclement weather. Participants for the Wednesday clinic were selected from the surveys BRHD have issued and sent a link to the new registration system created by the Virginia Department of Health known as PrepMod. “The PrepMod link for scheduling appointments was widely shared throughout the community, despite our request not to share the link,” the statement continued. “Thus, there was an overwhelming number of people not invited to the clinic who scheduled an appointment, leading to a limited amount of appointments for those who were actually invited.”Despite long lines and having to turn some people away, the BRHD administered nearly four times more doses than expected in a 14-hour period. “We are proud to have vaccinated 1,500 people yesterday with zero doses going to waste,” the statement reads. “Of the 1,500, 210 represent individuals who are now fully vaccinated.” This is a public episode. Get access to private episodes at communityengagement.substack.com/subscribe

StreetScape is proud to present the first ever release featuring Ramsey K. A long time industry veteran and DJ from the south east. First track, "That Saturday" features a slick chord progression, invigorating build ups and break downs and a unique dubstep styled breakdown that will smack dancefloors into a frenzy. "The Chance" features a high powered bass line that variates throughout the track, a Latin flavored piano line, dubstep breakdown and vocal stabs.

StreetScape is proud to present the first ever release featuring Ramsey K. A long time industry veteran and DJ from the south east. First track, "That Saturday" features a slick chord progression, invigorating build ups and break downs and a unique dubstep styled breakdown that will smack dancefloors into a frenzy. "The Chance" features a high powered bass line that variates throughout the track, a Latin flavored piano line, dubstep breakdown and vocal stabs.

Overcoming Drug Abuse and Where to Get Help- This episode is one that will hit home with the lives of many. It will hit home with the lives of those who are currently using alcohol or other forms of self-medicating chemicals to anesthetize the feelings from some different events that have happened in their lives. It will perk up the ears of those who are close to a friend or loved one who is using or beginning to use a substance(s) and their lives are taking changing… not for the better. Expert Guest, Scott H. Silverman, who is the author of “tell me no. I dare you!: A Guide for Living a Heroic Life” (Best Sellers list, Warwicks, San Diego and founder and president of “Second Chance,” a non-profit human services agency. He has become quite notable and has been named one of CNN’s “Heroes” for his work with the homeless and ex-offender populations, along with receiving numerous awards recognizing his leadership and dedication to community improvement, including the Henrietta Rubenstein Community Award. Here are some excerpts from the show: “I'm one of those people that when my phone rings and I don't recognize the phone number, I look forward to answering it because it could be someone who's wanting and seeking help.” “I ended up hitting the fracture and re-breaking his leg. So from that moment forward, my life was changing.” “My teacher had a heart attack and they said, “We believe you're responsible for this.” “He survived. But you know, so here I am in fifth grade and things just, escalating for me.” “I got sent to Arizona for a year to be in a special school and realized, “You know. Something's wrong with me. I don't get it. So early on in my teens, I started, you know picking up alcohol…” “…I was self-medicating at a young age. That's kind of how things progressed. Then going through high school, escalated to other things marijuana…” “My trajectory continued on and I just simply progressed and got involved with methamphetamine and got involved with cocaine and then mixing hallucinogens…” “That Saturday morning I went into treatment. That was back in November of 1984. I felt like I got a real second chance that day. I've done everything I can since that moment to do everything possible to be of service to others and have done it as a volunteer for decades. Now I'm doing it professionally and personally and volunteering, that’s kind of how I got here with you, is to be able to share some of that story, my experience, strength, and hope and now have a treatment center that I run. I'm also a crisis coach and a family navigator. Each day I wake up, like I said earlier, to try to help, buddy help, their family member, their loved one, get to the highest and best level of care and support they possibly can.” VIEW THIS EPISODE: WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/REBECCALMAHAN www.youtube.com/user/scotthsilverman www.yourcrisiscoach.com https://youtu.be/KuqsmrIPLjg Scott@yourcrisiscoach.com

Message audio to text as follows: Hello everyone this is Lynae MacLellan with RadioActive and Devil’s Haircut. I wanted to give just a brief message regarding Covid-19 and what the future can look like. The salon has been closed for a little over a week now. For those who know me know that I’m a workaholic. People ask me what I do for fun? And I say that I love working. I love creating, networking, building businesses and designing brands, and cutting hair and talking to people. I’m a very passionate person. My highs are very high and my lows are very low.   I was just coming off of a very exciting February. The highest of highs. My salon won the business leadership award just a week before the nation started mumbling about Covid-19. My acceptance speech follows this message, for those who are interested. A line I used in my speech was “Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.” Just one week later I was told we might have to close, and one week after that I was told we definitely have to close. That Saturday night I stayed at the salon and cried for about 3 hours. Sunday was a family day where I was an incoherent zombie and Monday I decided to get my tears in during the afternoon. After those three very low days, I started texting a friend who is also a business owner in Chelsea and fed me the advice that I had given to the city just three weeks earlier. He said “Change your perspective and focus on the opportunities, the outcomes and the possibilities! What a great time to start building an empire.”   And then it occurred to me. What if you could freeze time and rearrange all of the elements of your life in a way that works best for YOU, and when it’s time to hit play again, you’ve got everything right where you want it? That’s what this time is. Time is frozen. Instead of concentrating on driving the car, it’s time to park it and work on the engine.   In the words of my friend. “This is THE time! When else are you or I going to have three weeks to mostly focus on ourselves and goals and dreams! Never again in this lifetime. What a gift.” Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.  Seize the moment.  Up next is the audio clip from the Business Leadership Awards beginning with Anne Nauts with her presenting speech followed by my acceptance speech. Thank you Randy Lee for the audio. Support this podcast

View the Video version of this Episode at: https://www.bryanvogt.com/should-sellers-buy-or-sell-first/ Hi everyone! Thanks so much for joining me today! So, let’s get to todays question. Should sellers buy or sell first? The answer to the question is to talk to a lender. If the lender says you can buy first, then that’s what most sellers do. If you must sell first. Then do that! And then buy! Let me give you two stories from past clients to help you better understand! Buying first! Joe and Barb were and awesome couple that wanted to buy first and then sell. They simple called their lender and found out that they could buy first! Now like most sellers. They had already had a good idea what they wanted. They had already picked out 5 or 6 homes. I suggested that they narrow it down to the top three. We went out the next day and they bought their dream home! The following week I sat down with the them at their house and there were some things that they wanted to do before they put their house on the market. Have the carpets cleaned, paint the front door, I think they also wanted to change out the kitchen countertops. It was something that they had planned on doing forever and they knew now was the time to do it! We launched their house on the market on a Wednesday. With the understanding that they would not be accepting any offers until after the open house on Saturday. That Saturday at a bout 6:30 we got and offer they absolutely loved. And I couldn’t have been happier for them! They were done with the entire buying selling process in no time! Selling First! Mike and Janet were another great couple I recently worked with. But in their situation, they found out from the lender that they needed to sell first. No problem! We met and talked on how they could put their house in the best light before we launched onto the market. There were some honey do items that they hired a handyman to do. Had the carpets cleaned and we were ready to launch! They launched onto the market, I believe on a Thursday, so we again told buyers that they wouldn’t be accepting any offers until noon on that coming Sunday. Of course, buyers were able to put their offers in before then. We again ran a very successful open house on Saturday! I did suggest that they get their pre-approved that Friday so we would be ready to buy their dream home on Sunday. They also, like most sellers, had the three houses they wanted to look at and buy already saved in their search! Sunday came. And they were blown away by the offers they got! They accepted the best one! And we then went out that Sunday evening and they bought their dream home! It was just that simple! So, when deciding if you should buy first or sell first. All you need to do is talk to your lender! Who do you know wanting to sell now to take advantage of this hot market were having? Maybe you! Either way. Have them call or text my private number 618-210-2451 so they can have great success in selling! Until next time! Make it a great day!

Three months ago New Zealand changed.You remember that morning after the massacre? I don’t think many of us had enjoyed a great sleep on that Friday night. That Saturday morning, the people of Christchurch lay flowers at the Police cordon of the Al-Noor Mosque. We weren’t sure then about a lot of things. How many people had died, how many were injured, if there were maybe still some ongoing security concerns, or what would happen next. Three months ago New Zealand changed.And it’s actually the anniversary of another less-documented change in New Zealand.Since 2009, New Zealand has had a policy which explicitly singles out refugees from Africa and the Middle East. Unless refugees from those parts of the World already have family members in Aotearoa, they’re not welcome here.The National government introduced the law because of what officials called additional security concerns. That’s despite the fact they couldn’t tell us explicetly what those concerns were and despite the fact that all refugees, regardless of where they come from, go through a strict vetting process before they’re allowed into the country. The same standards don’t apply to refugees coming here from Asia and the Pacific. They don’t apply to refugees from Latin America.I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t know this was our policy until recently. There have been a few scattered reports on it over the years, but my colleagues at Sunday highlighted it a few weeks ago and challenged the Government as to why, 18 months into their time in charge, the family link policy still hasn’t been dropped.I should point out that in 2016, official advice to scrap it was ignored. I interviewed the immigration minister this week and for the first time, he admitted he hasn’t received any advice suggesting people from the Middle East and Africa pose more of a security risk than other refugees. Again, all refugees go through a huge vetting process. Is the policy racist? I asked Iain Lees Galloway. ‘I have a view’, he replied. But he wouldn’t share it. What’s interesting to me is that Kiwis don’t appear all that upset by this. For all the talk after Christchurch – You Are Us – there aren’t many people kicking up much of a fuss. Why is that? Why don’t we care that we’re blocking some of the World’s most vulnerable people from setting up a life in New Zealand, even when there are no security concerns at play?I’ll just say it, shall I? We don’t care because a lot of refugees coming from Africa and the Middle East have the wrong coloured skin, or come from Muslim majority countries? What other reason could there possibly be?I find hypocrisy maybe the least attractive of all human qualities. We’re all guilty of it, of course.  I’m as much of a hypocrite as the next person.But it’s for the big stuff, the really big questions, these moments of collective reckoning, where we should step back and check our collective hypocrisy. We should forget our words. You Are Us. And we should reflect upon our actions, instead.Actions reveal true character. We’re happy to claim the victims of the Christchurch attacks. You Are Us.But we’re not happy to claim many of their fellow Muslims. Three months ago New Zealand changed. Or maybe it didn’t.

Eddie Torres is a pioneer, inspiration and the reason so so many salsa dancers dance salsa! His story is so unique and his experience is second to none. Fun chat with one of the greatest! Enjoy :) From: www.EddieTorresNY.com He was born July 3,1950 in the same hospital as Tito Puente; raised by his Puerto Rican parents in Spanish Harlem, a.k.a. El Barrio, New York City. Torres's mother, a hospital worker; his father an inventive plumber, sparked Eddie's knack for inventing. No dancers or musicians in the gene pool to Eddie's best knowledge. He was merely 12 years old when he caught the dancing bug. Just back in New York after a two year sojourn in Puerto Rico, he developed a puppy-love crush on a girl from the hood. Shyly, he asked her to the movies and she made a counter-offer: why didn't he come to her house? That Saturday, when Renée opened the door, Eddie was surprised to see a tall, good-looking guy sitting on the couch. Renée whispered apologetically, "He's my ex-boyfriend. He's looking to make up with me." Then, in an attempt to break the tension, she asked Eddie, "Do you know how to Latin?" She wanted to know if he knew how to dance Latin. Fresh from Puerto Rico, his confidence emboldened him. Renée leaned over the record player and dropped the needle on the groove of Eddie Palmieri's Azucar Pa' Ti. Not knowing a thing about leading position or about timing, the young suitor started jumping around, then glanced over to collect looks of approval. But his rival on the couch sat clamping his jaw closed, holding back a burst of laughter. Two minutes into the number, Renée retired her inexperienced partner, pulled her ex-boyfriend up and explained in a professorial manner, "Let me show you the way WE do the Latin." It was plain to see that there was a lot of coordination, plenty of moving together and all sorts of turns. The more they danced, the worse Eddie felt. After the dance demonstration, his love interest pulled him to one side and explained, "He really wants to make up with me." From that moment, Eddie made himself a promise, "This is never going to happen to me again. I'm going to learn how to dance." The idea of learning "to dance Latin" became an obsession. Schooling took the form of going to all the clubs and hanging out with all the good dancers--watching, imitating, asking, and being a pest. Slowly he started to learn the foundations of the dance. In those days, not many clubs allowed teenagers in, but the famous Hunts Point Palace opened every Sunday from noon to midnight, and for $5, they presented five top Latin bands, back-to-back, on two stages. Fifteen-year-old Eddie punched the clock when the club opened and sauntered out at closing time, exhausted but determined to learn. Eight years later, he was teaching and competing in dance contests and garnering a reputation amongst the good dancers as being one of the best. One night, while he was dancing in a head-to-toe white outfit, in a club lit with nothing but black lights, his sister pulled him off the floor. It seems Renée, his childhood flame, spotted a slick dancer and wanted an intro. In the dark, Eddie's sister did the honors."Renée, I want you to meet Eddie." Upon recognizing the skillful dancer, she froze as if she'd seen ten ghosts. Eddie wanted to dance with her desperately, he wanted to thank her, "You're the reason why I got into this." But she disappeared and that was the last time he saw her. LEARNING THE BASICS There were no studios where one could learn how to dance this style, so the nightclub scene was the nurturing ground for aspiring dancers. And not all dancers were generous. "There were dancers who didn't even want you to look at their steps, 'cause they didn't want you to learn: That's private stock!" Lucky for Eddie, he had a knack for picking up steps just by watching. He observed dancers like Louie Máquina, who got his nickname from his "real rapid-fire footwork"; Gerard, a dancer known for his scandalous antics on the floor; George Boscones, the teacher of the newcomers and especially Jo-Jo Smith, a professional jazz teacher with a unique style of mambo jazz dancing. The pros of that time were Freddy Rios, the Cha Cha Aces, Tommy Johnson and the one team who were the greatest influence of all, the prima donna team: Augie and Margo. After the first time Eddie saw them at Roseland, he was in such a state of euphoria that he couldn't sleep for weeks. He kept thinking, "I want to be Augie and I have to find Margo." As soon as he learned to hold his own, he set up shop as a dance teacher, because he wanted to share his knowledge. Armed with a rented phonograph and a bunch of friends, he was soon in business. With no concept of timing, technique or theory, his instruction consisted of rudimentary pointers: "You hear that accent? That means you break forward with the left foot and when you hear it again, you break back." This is known as dancing on two, Eddie would soon find out. Breaking on two meant that of a four beat measure, you stepped forward with the left foot on the second beat and on the second beat second measure you stepped back on the right foot. According to Eddie's mentor, Tito Puente, that's why beat two is so popular, because it compliments the tumbao of the conga and the rhythm section. TITO, PLEASE From 1975 to about 1986, the Corso nightclub on East 86th Street became home to the second generation of the Palladium era. Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays found Eddie Torres strutting his Harlem steps to the likes of T.P. and Machito. From the beginning, Tito Puente's music really spoke to him. This was during the years that Puente had the ass-kicking band with Santos Colón. Testing his skill in dance contests, Torres garnered so many awards that at one point, Marty Ahret, Corso's owner, asked him to sit out the contests and judge. One Sunday evening, as Tito Puente came off the stage, Eddie approached the maestro to pay his compliments. Tito perceived Eddie's flair, "You've got talent for dancing. You need to do something more than just spend all your time here dancing socially." "There's no mentors," Eddie retorted. Tito whipped around, "Forget about mentors. Develop your own ideas and put a little act together. Figure it out yourself." Emboldened, Eddie persisted, "If I had an act, could we do some work together?" "Get something together and show me." All Eddie ever wanted to do was to dance with Tito's band. Eight years lapsed before Eddie met Maria, his future wife and partner. His years of dancing and observing had evolved into a unique technique and style. Maria, a children's gymnastics teacher, felt rather intimidated at first, but quickly became Eddie's best student, learning faster than anyone he'd ever taught. "I would do a step and she would reflect it right back to me." But her style was provincial and lacked the Big Apple pizazz. Prompted by the possibilities, Eddie choreographed his first two tunes, El Cayuco and Palladium Days by Tito Puente, and trained Maria. In less than a year, she became a good stage dancer, but she didn't have any experience in club dancing. So when Eddie introduced Maria at the clubs as his new partner, his friends didn't think she had it. A couple of years later, they conceded, "You know, Eddie, she's getting pretty good." By the third year, they agreed, she was the best partner he'd ever had. Filled with enthusiasm over his partner work, Eddie decided it was time to talk to Tito. Performing at Christopher's Cafe, in El Barrio, Mr. Puente spotted Eddie, "You're the dancer from the Corso." Torres offered him a makeshift business card, and pitched, "Do you think I can come over with my partner and demonstrate for you these two numbers that I choreographed? If you like them, maybe we could do a show with you?" Tito did not mince words, "You know, I'll be honest with you, Eddie. I'm very busy right now. I don't think I'll have a chance to call you...." Eddie frowned. "...But I'll tell you what I'll do. I'm going to introduce you to my musical director, Jimmy Frisaura. Tell Jimmy exactly what you want in the music, how you want us to play it, and in our next concert, I'll feature you with your partner." Eddie was flabbergasted. The year was 1980. It was a dream come true-the debut show with Tito Puente took place at the New York Coliseum as part of a big Latin Expo. Eddie was really nervous, but he and his partner, Maria, were very prepared. They performed Cayuco first and then broke out into Palladium Days. The crowd was captivated and Tito had a big smile on his face. It was a total success.   From that day forward, everywhere Tito went, Eddie would follow, costume and shoes, ready to go. And Tito would always ask, "You guys like to do a number?" It was ad honorem, but Torres felt privileged to be working with Tito. Eventually, Torres became a fixture--part of the format of the show. Then he popped the question, "Tito, would you mind if we call ourselves the Tito Puente Dancers?" That dream, to be identified as Tito's dance team, took the form of a jacket with TP's picture playing timbales--it said Tito Puente Dancers, and Tito dug it. It was Eddie's biggest honor. Even more so when Jimmy Frisaura confided, "Tito doesn't share the stage with anybody too readily. He likes you." WE WANT LATIN In the mid-eighties, Latin was out and the hustle was in and it was very hard to get work as a Latin dancer. On one occasion, Eddie wanted to dance in a Latin concert at Madison Square Garden where Tito Puente was playing, but Ralph Mercado said, "Naw, no, no. I got the Disco Dance Dimensions for the intermission show. I don't see no need for you to be out there. That's not what the people want." Feeling hurt and upset, Eddie explained his frustration to Tito, "I'm not asking for money. I just want to go out and do my thing with you." Tito assured him, "Don't worry about it, baby. I'm gonna bring you in as the Tito Puente Dancers and I'm going to tell Ralphy he doesn't have to worry about nothing."   The night of the concert, the Disco Dance Dimensions put on a crowd-pleasing show. Immediately after, Tito Puente played Para Los Rumberos, and got the crowd into a frenzy. Then, he signaled the dancing duo onto the stage to perform Palladium Days, a very fiery, intense mambo. Sternly, Eddie forewarned Maria, "I want you to dance blood." They danced as if they were on fire. Tito had a big ol' smile. And a pleased Ralph Mercado looked on from the sidelines. The roaring crowd in the Garden gave them a standing ovation, sending out a clear message: they preferred to see Latin dancing accompanying the Latin music. They wanted to let Ralph and everyone know, "Hey, that's what we want." After that evening, Ralph Mercado started calling Eddie to do shows with him. In the nineties, Ralphy introduced his own captivating dance troupe called the RMM Dancers, who animate his concerts with sensuous salsa dancing, though Eddie's group continues to appear at RMM gigs. THE FUTURE During the eighties, when Maria and Eddie came on the scene, only a few pro dance teams were left. Aside from Ernie and Dottie and the Cha Cha Aces, there was little trace of the powerful Palladium era. It seems the Palladium dancers got so caught up dancing for their own enjoyment that they weren't thinking about future generations. Early on, Eddie developed a vision: to see Latin dancing evolve to the point of a respected, classic art form. Recognizing the need to pass the traditions of the music and the dance on to future generations, Mr. T. took it upon himself to make it happen. People laughed at him, "Eddie, what are you doing? This dance is dead." But he obstinately continued his mission. Before Eddie Torres came along, no one had laid down concepts of structure and technique. He has taught thousands of Latin dance aficionados. His children's dance program in the Bronx teaches approximately three hundred children throughout the year including Eddie's ten year old daughter Nadia, who is already a seasoned pro. The unique idea of offering salsa or mambo dancing to children alongside other dance forms such as ballet, jazz, tap, modern or African, guarantees the future of Latin. The program developed by Eddie is now run by Maria. HE'S GOT STYLE When Latin dance first came to NY, it was an open position dance. That means that two dancers would dance in front of each other and there was not much contact, what we know today as partner work. But the second generation after the Palladium got into doing a lot of partner work. There seems to be a fascination for inventing turns and being in touch with the partner. The Palladium dancers lay down the blue prints of the New York hip style of Latin dancing. "In NY, people like to dress slick, talk slick, to be very bebop jazzy. Especially Latinos. Being born and raised in Harlem carries a certain attitude about how you walk through the streets, attitude about the way you say things and how you use your body language. It carries such a signature that if I saw someone from New York dancing in Japan, I'd know it." Broadway musicals, Ailey's work, African dancing, and flamenco all were sources of inspiration for Eddie. Watching, imitating, and admiring the people that were the tops, Eddie slowly evolved as a pro. His style results from a true amalgamation of all those that came before him. With an uncanny ability to imitate, he incorporated a little jazz, a little ballet, a little tap, a little modern, and came out with his own style. Observing the different dancers of his time with their own signatures, he picked up from every one of their styles: JoJo Smith's jazz movements and expression of style; Freddy Rios's very Cuban typical style; a little of Louie Máquina. In dancing, that is known as eclectic styling. THE TORRES REPERTOIRE The late June Laberta, a ballroom dance teacher, was Eddie's greatest influence. She taught every ballroom dance in the book, but her greatest love was mambo. On many occasions, June accompanied Eddie to the Corso where the odd couple danced up a storm. He was in his twenties, she was in her late fifties. Creating kooky intricate little moves that came from jazz and everything that she knew, the lean Laberta would spin like a top. June's mentoring was decisive in Eddie's teaching career. She said, "Eddie, I can help you learn the language of teaching." She took him to ballrooms on Friday nights warning, "These people are scholars and aficionados of the dance. If you don't break on the two, if you're not consistent with your timing, or if they ask questions about the theory and you don't know, they'll use it against you." Sure enough, after doing his fancy footwork, he'd hear the dreaded question, "Do you break on the two?" At that time, these theoretical points about clave and dancing didn't jive with Eddie. Fortunately for Eddie, he'd been on two all his life--he just didn't know it. And June continued harping, "It's going to enhance you as a dancer, as a teacher and as a choreographer. You'll go a lot further with this knowledge." But Eddie fought it. Fifteen years went by before he really learned. Thanks to June Laberta, Eddie's steps all have names. This repertoire of steps and turns, with their corresponding names, provides a way of relating to students academically. Eddie's class syllabus documenting three hundred steps strangely parallels the habits of the old scholars of dance at the ballrooms. His laboratory is self-contained--sometimes steps spring up spontaneously in the class. Sometimes, just fooling around with a little break or phrase, a step is born. Nowadays, part of the fun is to invent a step and then find a name for it. Today, dancing students are surpassing people who have been dancing socially for many years. Mr. T. gets calls all the time, "I'm a great dancer, people stop to watch me." One visit to a class and they get humbled. Natural talent is a plus, but Torres warns, "Amongst Latinos, we believe that we can walk on the dance floor and we just do it because we're Latinos, we're born with this. This is just not true." "I've danced out of joy, I've danced out of pain. This is the kind of dance where if you want to jump up and say 'Azucar!' like Celia, and you want to move your shoulders and bob your head, this is where you can do it and it's O.K. It's cool. And it's hip. You can be you." We must thank Tito Puente for showcasing salsa dancing in most of his concerts and for making his little speech about the importance of the dance when he presents our beloved Latin dancers. Eddie's accomplishments include his many collaborations with the Tito Puente Orchestra, choreographing music videos for artists like Ruben Blades, Orquesta de la Luz, Tito Nieves, José Alberto El Canario, David Byrne, founding a dance company, dancing for the President George Bush, performing.at Carnegie Hall, the Apollo Theater, Madison Square Garden.    

Music is such an important part of me. That Saturday we are going to groove and share. It is always a blessing for me to be able to hear music. I hope the songs from my memory may have you go back. If you do not even do that what does the music bring to your mind? --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/GGTHW/message

I was truly honored to host the 4th annual Walk to End Lupus in Newport News a few weekends ago! Lupus is a mysterious disease that is poorly understood by many. People affected by this brutal disease can often feel alone and powerless. But that day was the exception. That Saturday was a day that members of the lupus community came together to form a united bond and take steps toward a cure.

After meeting his mentor Josh Rudin started buying and flipping houses 6 years ago when he was 19 years old. He went through a lot of negative experiences and learned from them and grew in the process. Now he’s making positive cash flow and doing flips.  He primarily focuses his flips in 4 cities near Victorville, Ca. He hired a project manager double his age to handle all his deals and having the help has given him the time to focus his efforts on finding deals and even traveling the world.   My name is Josh Rudin, I am 25 years old, and I grew up in a small city called Agoura Hills, CA in the suburbs of Los Angeles. The way I got started in real estate is my dad introduced me to a mentor he had heard about through a friend. Every Tuesday my mentor was holding meetings at Red Robin. He would bring a board game every day called the millionaire maker by Laurel Langemeier. The point of the game was to grow your balance sheet. I learned about assets, liabilities, income, and expenses and how to account for every dollar. The game really opened my eyes to a whole new way of thinking. One day I told my mentor I want to start doing this in real life. He let me know I am ready and that I need to be up at 4 am Saturday because he is picking me up and taking me to an area he’s been intrigued with the growth. That Saturday morning after driving for 2 hours we had made it to the “High Desert”. We would drove around all day asking questions to locals and writing down addresses of vacant properties, so we can really understand the market and the area. After a few months of driving out there almost every weekend I decided I feel comfortable with the area enough to make my first offer. It was accepted and at age 19 I owned my first home. It was one of the best feelings I have ever felt. Ever since then, I have slowly grown my business to where I am now, buying over 10 houses a year for the past couple years.

When I put together an episode of the podcast, I have to try to put myself in the listeners’ shoes. I have to keep up with the information I’ve released versus the information that I know. And with every episode, I have to ask myself, “What is the question that listeners are asking after hearing this?"   I know what I would be asking if I were on the other end of this deal. “What about the mother? Where is Cindy?     I’m Brandon Barnett. And this is Searching For Ghosts.   I’m glad that I’m not from Milan. I had no knowledge of anything about this case when I started Searching For Ghosts. I just remembered seeing the billboards when she went missing twenty years ago and some news reports here and there.   As I started investigating this, I soon learned something. Everyone in Milan has a theory of what happened to Cayce. And the town is split on who are the good guys and who are the bad guys.    One person will recommend that you talk to someone, while another person will claim that that someone cannot be trusted. Milan is a small town, and everyone seems to know everyone else's business.   And with this case, it’s not as if you can just look at someone’s criminal history to determine if they are credible or a possible suspect. It seems that everyone I look into has had some sort of run-in with the law. It’s staggering, actually.    And any disclaimer I receive on a certain person is given so casually, “He’s been in prison three times, but he’s a good guy.” Wait. What?   So I came into this thing with a blank slate, and to be honest, I’m skeptical of everyone, and at the same time, not pre-judging anyone. I haven’t had forty years of hearing about so and so, and how they used to beat their dog or whatever. I wasn’t raised in the Gibson County bubble, so hopefully, I can be objective.   But you also cannot ignore when certain names or theories keep popping up over and over again. And in one form or another, Cindy McDaniel, Cayce’s mother, always comes up.   You don’t have to have been raised in Milan to hear the story, you know, THE STORY, and question the reaction time of Cindy before she called looking for Cayce. This is from a WMCTV News Report out of Memphis on the 14th anniversary of Cayce’s disappearance     Other parents who were close to Cayce at church questioned why Cayce's mother Cindy waited so long to check on her daughter.   "Momma came in, doors were open, lights were on, and clothes were there...and they just went to bed," said church member Polly Fitzgerald.  "I'd be frantic. It'd scare me to death... I would have found out something that night.  I wouldn't have waited to the next day.  Something's not right," she adds.     But the more people I talk to in Milan, the more I realize that a lot of kids in that area were raised in a manner where they might just stay over at a friend’s house with no notice. I only have my childhood to compare, and if my Mom would’ve had access to GPS at the time, she would’ve tracked me constantly. But as I stated earlier, evidently, this wasn’t the case with a lot of parents, including Cindy McDaniel.   But the way the house was found still sends up a red flag.   The next thing that people point to with Cindy is that she doesn’t come to the vigils for Cayce anymore and that she has been off the radar for years. This stood out to me when I first started my research. In fact, Cindy has basically been off the GRID for close to ten years.   From reports that I can find, Cindy still attended the vigils as late as the tenth anniversary in 2006. From an article in The Jackson Sun in 06:   Whether she never got to 15, or is a 24-year-old runaway somewhere, is the biggest thing that eats at her mother, Cindy McDaniel Bolton. "There's no day that goes by when I don't think about her," McDaniel Bolton said. Thinking about what's happened to her daughter's friends breaks her down, again. "They're in college, getting married, having babies ..." she said through sobs Monday. "And we still don't know."   But by 2010, WMCTV reported in a one off statement that    “Investigators say they can't locate Cayce's mom Cindy."   And just like with the story of how the house was found in 1996, it’s the lack of information in these reports that screams the loudest.   Then there are the stories of Cindy’s history with drug and alcohol abuse. The talk is that Cindy and Steve, her boyfriend at the time, were at a bar in Jackson the night Cayce went missing.   Steve is currently in prison, and many of Steve and Cindy’s known associates at the time have long criminal histories…violent criminal histories.   So this has fueled theories over the years that Cayce’s abduction and possible murder were retribution for a drug debt. There is even talk in some circles of a prostitution ring.    And apparently, the motive of a drug debt is not just small town gossip. This appears to be the theory held by law enforcement. After months of reaching out, I finally spoke with the former lead investigator on the case, Jerry Hartsfield, who now lives in Canada. He wasn’t bashful in expressing his thoughts about a possible motive.   (Sound clip of Hartsfield being assigned the case, his theory)   According to Hartsfield, Cindy was questioned numerous times, including by the FBI, but there was never enough evidence to prove that Cindy was either directly or indirectly responsible for her daughter’s disappearance.   (Sound clip Hartsfield: Failing lie detector test)   But according to the interview I conducted with Dawn and Kathy a few weeks ago, Billy Hale, from The National Missing Children’s Locate Center, told Cindy to expect to fail the lie detector test.    (Sound clip of Dawn-Lie Detector)   Although never officially declared a suspect (at least in the media), I’ve heard from numerous people around at the time that law enforcement zeroed in on Cindy from the beginning. It appears that they felt she was connected to Cayce’s disappearance in one way or another.   The fact that Cindy has all but disappeared herself, doesn’t help her case in the court of public opinion. So many that I have talked to, all point to the fact that she isn’t currently publicly trying to find answers in her daughter’s disappearance as an indication of guilt.   But in those early Mirror-Exchange articles from 1996 and 1997, it appears that Cindy WAS involved. The October 1st edition states that Cindy was one of the people who helped secure funds to bring in Valorie, the search and rescue dog from Episode 2.   Cindy also spoke to the press one year later on the first anniversary of Cayce’s disappearance, asking the public not to forget about her daughter.   Cindy was the one who contacted a psychic to help in the case. She and Billy Hale were even on the Leeza Gibbons show, looking for answers.   (Sound clip from Leeza)   In the interview from a few weeks ago, Dawn and Kathy talk about their firsthand knowledge of Cindy’s involvement in those first six months.   (Sound clips from helicopter, binoculars and cleaning out her locker)   So is Cindy’s silence in recent years, the actions of someone complicit in their daughter’s disappearance, or are these the actions of someone prone to substance abuse, just worn out for being under suspicion for over 20 years?   The best person to answer that question is Cindy herself.   I’ve been trying to locate Cindy since late last year. And Ive heard everything regarding her location, from being in prison to moving out of the area.   I had a source who told me that they had located her, that she was still in the area. This source says they gave her my contact info, but two months went by and I heard nothing.   But after the launch of the podcast, I started getting some traction. I had family members contacting me, saying that they were working to connect us.   Then on April 14, I received a post on my Facebook timeline that read: "Hello Brandon. I’m Cindy McDaniel, Cayce’s mama. Would like to speak to you. Get back with me if you’re interested."   I immediately contacted one of Cayce’s cousins to see if this was legit. And it was.   Since this was on my timeline and not in a private message, a lot of people saw it. One person contacted me stating that they took a screenshot of this and sent it to authorities. I’m still unsure why.   A few days later, a source of mine and I were supposed to meet with the mayor of Milan to discuss releasing some of the police reports pertaining to the case. I had an emergency come up and my source went without me.   My source was told that a special investigator was being put on the Cayce McDaniel case. I finally felt like we were making progress. To my knowledge, there hasn’t been a special investigator on this case in over ten years.   So I reached out to my friends in the media in Jackson to verify this, before I made the announcement. Not only would law enforcement not confirm this, my source received a phone call from the mayor’s office scolding them for releasing this information. Law enforcement does not want the media involved.   I understand that there are certain things about an open case that have to be guarded. But I wouldn’t think that this would be one of them. Was law enforcement just telling my source what they thought he wanted to hear? Is the reason for not wanting this released to the media that they want to protect the integrity of the investigation, or is it because there is no new special investigator?   Meanwhile, I had been working all week to set up a time to meet with Cindy. We had a tentative date of this past Saturday, April 22nd.   That Saturday, I received a message from a relative of Cindy. This person stated that Cindy had been arrested that morning over some unpaid fines, and was being  held without bond.   Considering the events of the past couple of weeks, the timing of this arrest seems off to me. Arrested on a Saturday for unpaid fines? On the Saturday we were supposed to meet?   And I found the mugshot. Her arrest has been confirmed. Is law enforcement sending a message? Are the old fines the real reason Cindy was taken into custody on a Saturday after publicly stating that she wanted to talk to me? Has the investigation moved up in the priority ladder within the Milan Police Department. Just two months ago, the police chief told me himself that it would take awhile for them to find the files on the McDaniel case?   Will Cindy be more or less likely to talk to me when she gets out of jail? Is there anyone I can trust?      http://www.sfgpodcast.com/Searching For Ghosts Website