Getting Your Sh*t Together

**Trigger warning for language and some of the content**Hey, all!Trying something new and wanted to have a little storytime. I hope you stay with me. I want to talk about growth, boundaries, and how forward momentum comes in a variety of ways. Let me know if you like these story-themed shows and I'll add them into the mix!----------Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings.If you're looking for a black therapist or resources, check this out!And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com  Podpage: Getting Your Sh*t Together Support the show (https://ko-fi.com/gettingyourishtogether)

Hey friends,Closing in on the end of 2021! Can't believe it but looking forward to what 2022 will bring!Wanted to jump in to chat about the holiday season. We're in the thick of it and it can be YAY for some and MEH, grumble, grumble for others.For me, I love Xmas music but the rest...I could take it or leave it!This episode talks about holiday boundaries! How we can feel good about ourselves, stay centered, honor our truth and put some checks in balances together to remain sane. Because we need it. This can be used for times outside of the holidays too -- fyi.In this episode, we will chat about:Different types of boundaries: Physical and emotionalTips on how to implement physical boundariesTips on how to implement emotional boundariesTricks on dialing into what makes you + you for parties, dinners and gatherings----------Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings.If you're looking for a black therapist or resources, check this out!And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com  Podpage: Getting Your Sh*t Together Support the show (https://ko-fi.com/gettingyourishtogether)

FRIENDS!So happy to be back with you. My summer sabbatical turned into something quite longer which I needed but I'm glad to be back to creating more content for the show!In this episode, I'm diving into three key things that I have discovered or learned while I was away.Growing pains + accountability. Time to own some sh*t. Take a listen. Let me know what you think? Agree or disagree?----------Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings.If you're looking for a black therapist or resources, check this out!And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com  Podpage: Getting Your Sh*t Together Support the show (https://ko-fi.com/gettingyourishtogether)

FRIENDS!So happy to be back with you. I've realized that I really need to take a LOT of breaks this year and I'm going to have to roll with it because it's doing the body good. In this episode I just want to talk about the "shoulda, coulda, woulda" -- why we use it, how we can start working on our past, handling it, making peace with it, and using it to move forward. Take a listen. Let me know what you think? Agree or disagree?----------Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings.If you're looking for a black therapist or resources, check this out!And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com  Podpage: Getting Your Sh*t TogetherSupport the show (https://ko-fi.com/gettingyourishtogether)

Hey, friends, hey!I can't believe April is almost over! 2021 is flying! I am so excited to connect with you all again and I hope you're doing the best you can with where you are. The other week, I received a Q&A from someone who listens to the show about staying sober? Although the question was very straightforward, it hit me differently and I immediately went into the subtext.  My Cancerian spidey senses were tingling. For some of you that have been listening for a while, you may already know where I'm going to go but I hope you still join me during this storytime hour because I had to get this off my spirit today!Take a listen. Let me know what you think? Agree or disagree?----------Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings.If you're looking for a black therapist or resources, check this out!And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com  Podpage: Getting Your Sh*t TogetherSupport the show (https://ko-fi.com/gettingyourishtogether)

GREETINGS, FRIENDS!Happy to be back. Had to take an unexpected pause because of mental health and self-care but I am so excited to be back with you all. Also, happy that SPRING is basically here!In this episode, I'm talking about labels in recovery. Someone asked me who is newly sober-curious if it was okay to use that label for themselves since they're really just exploring and not sure about commitment yet.I found this thought interesting (well the label aspect) and I took it to the pod! Also, if you're curious about what I told them, it's right at the start of the show. Let's dive on in, shall we??!!! Also, do you feel labels are helpful or harmful? ----------Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings.If you're looking for a black therapist or resources, check this out!And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com Podpage: Getting Your Sh*t TogetherSupport the show (https://ko-fi.com/gettingyourishtogether)

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeya friends!!!I am joined on the show by Jimmy. He is a native New Yorker, born and raised in the Bronx, a former lean addict who used cooking and painting to heal and recover from addiction. He's also my partner in crime -- so I'm happy he's joining us. In this episode, we talk about:Jimmy's childhood and how the abuse he suffered impacted his actions and sense of selfWhy he got into cooking and what he's learnedBlack men and how they're perceived when it comes to abuse and recoveryHow he came to "own" his story and why he considers the culinary world a group of misfitsWhat caused him to pick up painting, what he hopes to do with it and what he's learned about himself in the processThere was so much courage and wisdom in his story. I wish I could have shared it all but it would have been a LONG episode but I plan to release the unedited version one day soon! ----------Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings.If you're looking for a black therapist or resources, check this out!And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com  Podpage: Getting Your Sh*t TogetherSupport the show (https://ko-fi.com/gettingyourishtogether)

Hey, friends, hey!I got a Q&A from someone who listens to the show about my stance, view, thoughts on balancing being in recovery without having to be defined by it? And this can apply to whether you call yourself in recovery, sober, etc -- your word choice is well...your choice. This will be another short and sweet one and my first in 2021! WHAT?! Anyway, this question was interesting to me because of some of the changes that I'm going through.My two cents is that you should be the one to define yourself. Whatever feels good to you (cue: Yoga with Adriene -- I love her). I think we get into our heads with what to label ourselves, how it comes across, how out there do we have to be -- when it's not about that. It's about changing our lives, growing for the positive, and if you want it to be what defines you? Great. If you want it to define you right now because you don't feel shame about it? Groovy. If you'd rather not and keep it personal, right on.We have to do what serves us best in this life. I have grown so much since starting this show, while I love what I'm doing and who I have met as my recovery or sobriety has grown stronger, I've decided that I want to start amplifying other voices and talk about other topics of interest within the recovery community. Will this show talk about recovery or addiction on some level? Yes, but as I grow -- the show will morph a bit. I hope you stay on this wild ride with me.Take a listen. Let me know what you think? Agree or disagree?----------Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings.If you're looking for a black therapist or resources, check this out!And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com Podpage: Getting Your Sh*t TogetherSupport the show (https://ko-fi.com/gettingyourishtogether)

Friends, friends, friends....we made it!!!I can't believe it's the end of the damn year! But it's here. I swear, it feels like yesterday we were ringing in 2020 and positioning ourselves to start this new decade with a BANG.But hey, life had other plans for us, and HERE WE ARE. I typically like to use the last days of the year to look at how my year was and what I plan to prioritize in the upcoming year. Friends, there was a lot this year. To be candid -- once COVID and quarantine hit, I got hit with a bad case of depression, and the death of my friend/mentor rocked me more on top of that. This year, it was about humility. And giving myself the grace to be depressed and not giving myself guilt over it. And man, it was hard, but I got there. In this episode, I want to talk about some of the nuggets that I landed on to usher me into 2021. Lacey and Nik from the Sober Company podcast also joined me to chop it up about 2020 too. I like to consider it a conversational inventory, which I encourage you to either do on your own OR gather some friends and dive deep into what this year really meant to you. We discussed:The clusterfu*k of 2020 overallWhat we learned about our recoveryWhat we learned about ourselvesWhat we accepted about ourselves Diversity + Inclusion in the sober communityOur plans for our podcasts!I hope you enjoy this episode. It's more conversational in most, but I wanted it to be a lil' loose as we head into the unknown of 2021. ----------Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings.If you're looking for a black therapist or resources, check this out!And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions, feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com Podpage: Getting Your Sh*t TogetherSupport the show (https://ko-fi.com/gettingyourishtogether)

Hey, friends, hey!I got a Q&A from someone who listens to the show about my stance, view, thoughts on NA drinks when it comes to recovery.This episode will be short and sweet but net/net is that I decided that like most things in recovery (and how I see it), it depends on you. HOWEVER, I didn't touch NA drinks until after my first year! Trust, my social life was sho nuff interesting. Why? Because your girl is QUEEN of not handling sh*t and I would have just used that as my crutch as a way to feel "normal" and not address my stuff. When in reality, life as I knew it then, had changed. Which, in hindsight, is okay but it sure as hell didn't feel like it then. Take a listen. Let me know what you think? Agree or disagree? ----------Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings.If you're looking for a black therapist or resources, check this out!And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com Podpage: Getting Your Sh*t TogetherSupport the show (https://ko-fi.com/gettingyourishtogetherSupport the show (https://ko-fi.com/gettingyourishtogether)

Dropping the first of many bonus episodes, y'all! Today, I want to discuss self-compassion because I think it is definitely beneficial for this holiday season and your life overall.How do you look at or frame self-compassion? Utilizing self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend or childGetting sober had me stumbling and falling into figuring out who I was. I had no clue, I talked to myself poorly and it showed up in all my relationships (friends, family, romantic or otherwise). It was nuts. So, I wanted to talk about my journey (that is still going on). In this episode, I will talk about:Family history and how it shaped me and my drinkingThings I would do when I was dishonoring myselfTiny steps that started me down the road of reclaiming me and what I'm feeling Admitting that at times, this process may be lonely but that's okay! Stay the course.Ways you can start incorporating the threads of self-compassion into your own life Things that I talked about during this episode:The book that I'm talking about: Self Compassion - The Proven Power of Being Yourself by Kristen Neff. (If you have Kindle Unlimited, it's now free.99 on there!)Podcast Interview with Kristen Neff on Therapy for Black GirlsKristen Neff's website----------Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. If you're looking for a black therapist or resources, check this out!And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com Podpage: Getting Your Sh*t TogetherSupport the show (https://ko-fi.com/gettingyourishtogether)

Hey everyone, in this episode I interviewed the lovely and unapologetic Laura Cathcart Robbins of the podcast, The Only One in The Room."I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation and it gave me a fresh perspective because similar to her, I had my addiction really take hold later in my life. In this episode, we will discuss:Being the "only one" in the room! How being a black woman in predominately white spaces led to keeping up appearances and utilizing alcohol as a way to numb ourselves and escapeMotherhood! Pre and post addiction and how Laura learned to put herself first and why it was detrimental for her recovery.How her life evolved after rehab and what she does daily to keep balance and perspective with herself and loved ones. Why she was called to pen the HuffPo article about Hunter Biden's struggle with addiction during the electionPlans for her podcast, her writing, and her world!I learned a lot from her grace and humility. I hope you will too. Please make sure to follow her on social and check out some more of her writing on HuffPo here. About Laura:Laura Cathcart Robbins is a freelance culture writer and host of the popular podcast, The Only One In The Room, living in Studio City, California. She has been active for many years as a speaker and school trustee and is credited for creating The Buckley School’s nationally recognized committee on Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Her recent articles in the Huffington Post on the subjects of race, recovery, and divorce have garnered her worldwide acclaim. She is a 2018 LA Moth StorySlam winner and currently sits on the advisory board for the San Diego Writer’s Festival and the Outliers HQ podcast Festival. Laura is also a founding member of Moving Forewords, the first national memoirist collective of its kind. Find out more about her on her website, or you can look for her on Facebook, on Instagram, and follow her on Twitter. https://theonlyonepod.com-----------------------There are simple things to use as a foundation for your recovery and are for those who are sober curious, new to recovery, or have been going at it for a long time. Nothing wrong with revisiting those blocks as we continue to work on our lives.Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSupport the show (https://ko-fi.com/gettingyourishtogether)

Hey friends!I can't believe we're already at the bulk of the holiday season. Where did the year go? 2020 has been SUCH a special time.However, even with that --, we need to make sure to check in with ourselves, especially with the holidays on the way. In this episode, I discuss some things to take into account and some simple tips to utilize as you work through the holiday season. Whether you are kicking it at home, with friends, or solo. There are simple things to use as a foundation for your recovery and are for those who are sober curious, new to recovery or have been going at it for a long time. Nothing wrong with revisiting those blocks as we continue to work on our lives.Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSupport the show (https://ko-fi.com/gettingyourishtogether)

**DISCLAIMER: In this episode, we will be talking about sexual assault and abuse. If those topics are triggering for you, please proceed cautiously. **Hey everyone, in this episode I interviewed a soul spirit of mine (it seems), the lovely and very self-aware Robyn Clegg-Gibson of the IG account @encounterswithmen.I am so happy that she decided to be on the show and thankful she was so open and honest about her life and where she is now and how she plans to evolve the work on her IG feed.In this episode, we will discuss:Traumatic backgrounds and how things you are taught can manifest if you're not aware or actively working on healingHow @encounterswithmen came to be and why Robyn strives to have an inclusive and intersectional communityWhat we do in order to keep self-aware and work through our sh*t in order to keep healingAnd how recovery is not just synonymous with drugs+alcoholThis episode is longer than most and I cut a fair bit but wanted to provide as many nuggets as possible to those who are unpacking their stuff and healing as a result. You are not alone.If you or someone you know is battling sexual assault or trauma, I urge you to seek help here.Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSupport the show (https://ko-fi.com/gettingyourishtogether)

I can't believe it's October! It's National Mental Awareness month, so I want to focus on that as much as possible. As someone with depression, I like to be as transparent as I can be with all the things, especially as I started to navigate my life in recovery.Today's episode is on learning to identify whether you are restless and triggered! Yes, to some (including myself), I often confused one with the other because of how I thought it shown up in my body. But friends, friends, friends -- when I started to learn myself and actively started to work on what I needed, only then was I able to see the differences.In my opinion, restless = more interpersonal (something that is happening within you that unsettles you in some way). In contrast, being triggered is usually when something from the outside impacts you that causes you to go on HIGH ALERT in some way. Let's dive in, shall we? I will go over both, how it shows up for me and things I do NOW to circumvent the HELL out of it. Always a WIP, y'all. Always.Support the show (https://ko-fi.com/gettingyourishtogether)

What's in this episode?Today's episode Kristen Feemster joins us on the podcast to talk about ways to protect yourself in non-diverse recovery groups and how to keep putting you first!In this episode we talk about:How a lack of diversity can impact black and brown people in recovery Things to look into in order to grow your own sober network/communityLack of diversity in recovery places and how that can unintentionally alienate people of color that want to get (and remain) clean Why Recovery Retention plans are beneficial and why everyone should create one that works for themAnd as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!Support the show (https://ko-fi.com/gettingyourishtogether)

Hey, y'all, hey! Welcome to Season 3!!!!This month, the episodes are going to highlight National Recovery Month. For those who may not have heard about it, this is a month where we highlight the strength and courage pertaining to sobriety.Today, we're going to tackle conditional statements!Those pesky if/then lies we tell ourselves to keep ourselves stuck in familiar patterns.I've used them for years, still do and I have to be aware when I see myself going down a familiar path to double-check if I'm trying to put a conditional clause all up and through this piece. ----- And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!Support the show (https://ko-fi.com/gettingyourishtogether)

Hey friends! Received a two similar questions so decided to combine and answer for this week's episode.Should I get sober for other people?You know me, I will always say -- there is no hard and fast rules for anything in life. There are always outliers but for my personal viewpoint. I will say NOPE. Sobriety and recovery should always be a choice for you.Can you listen to others? Of course. Can they inform your decision? Why not! But it's up to you to decide to pull that trigger and change your life.It will impact you the most, you need to understand your why and while others can be a motivation -- if you don't come to want to be sober -- it is so quick to back slide. (Speak from personal experience here.)But I'm trying to save my relationship?! I get that too. If someone matters to us, we want to keep them in our lives. However, changing yourself for someone else's benefit may open you up to bitterness and resentment, if you don't get the reaction you want. Manipulation can come into play HARDCORE here too.Also, feelings may change, once you're in recovery. You're going to be rediscovering who you are, what you need versus what you want and you may outgrow people (whether you planned on it or not). Some relationships can weather this, others don't. So, you can't go into recovery with the notion that it's the one thing that will save your relationship.You can only save you. You need to keep that in mind and hope for the best with the rest. Gotta question for me? I'm always up to answer. Email, Tweet or DM me and I'll work to always provide the best answer possible!-----And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!Support the show (https://ko-fi.com/gettingyourishtogether)

Decided to mix it up and drop an episode on Wednesday. It's also my birthday -- so HEY, HEY! A lot of this stuff is still top of mind for me. With everything going on, wanted to spend some time discussing summer sobriety. For some, the summer is like any other season but I know for me, I was hella social in the summer (birthdays, being out, late nights) so when I got sober I had to shift my expectations on how I thought summers should be. First, there are no hard and fast rules. These are some of the things that worked for me but like most things when it comes to recovery -- it's not one size fits all. Being Self Compassionate!Y'all know I love me some Self Compassion and I'm still all the way up in that. I leaned all the way into it because I realized there was SO much that I didn't know. While the thought of that would typically feel me with dread -- last summer, I really just embraced it. Surprisingly, it was freeing! You are new to all of this. You won't have the answer. Some things you won't even think about until you're in the situation. Totally valid. "You don't know, what you don't know."Have a Plan!Planning is not just for trips or work. I know we all want to go out, turn off minds and have fun but if you're navigating early recovery. PLAN THAT SHIT OUT. Some things that I did: brought my own beverages. That way I didn't have to worry about not having something to drink, someone spiking my drink, or accidentally picking up something that had booze in it.Another thing: I had someone come with me OR had someone I could call that knew my deal that I could talk to during or after the event. There's no shame in asking for help -- if you need it. Also, if it gets old for you. You can change your mind and get the hell out at any time. It can happen before you attend, you know you don't want to go. Back out of it. While you're there? If it gets too much, totally fine to get up and leave. You have to do what is best for you. Find New Activities!Yes, I know we are all creatures of habit on some level. We want to feel like we're part of a group and diversifying out of that can fill us with dread. But friends, going outside your comfort zone and trying something new and proposing it to your social circle can be such a huge benefit! Not just to you but even your friends! You may end up really enjoying something that you would have side-eyed before. You may also meet new people at those places and that may be helpful to you too, especially if it's a sober activity. Just know, you will trip up at times. You will get triggered. It's just life but if you have some tools going into most situations, you can learn to navigate. However, it's normal. There isn't something wrong with you, we all go through it. You will learn (and become stronger) each time.It's all about what works for you, your health, your mental state, your recovery. Do what you need in order to feel safe. -----And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!Support the show (https://ko-fi.com/gettingyourishtogether)

Today's episode I was joined by Michelle Mar to discuss 'On the Record.' A documentary on HBOmax that goes into the allegations surrounding Russell Simmons. Just a quick disclaimer that we will be talking about rape and sexual assault. If those topics are triggering for you, please proceed cautiously. Sexual abuse and survivors came to a lot quite a bit during the #MeToo movement. However, when it comes to the black entertainment industry, there was a lot of silence. So, when I heard there was going to be something created around the black music industry and the women who were involved in it -- I knew it was something I had to watch.While I'm not in the music business, I have had men try to approach and feel like they can coerce me into things that I didn't want to do in order to "gain" something. For me, it was usually career-related. In this documentary, we will discuss:Our feelings about the documentary, what resonated with us and whySexual assault in the black community. Why do we have to feel like we should keep silentBlack women and "protecting" black men How assault can amplify or cause addictive behaviorThe path to freedom from addiction and trauma I highly recommend watching the doc. I think you get a free week trial, which I know I enjoyed FULLY. If you or someone you know is battling sexual assault or trauma, I urge you to seek help here.Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com

Hey Friends!Today's episode I wanted to dive into the first year of recovery. As I always state, recovery is personal and individual but I have seen some common themes when it comes to navigating that first year. I want to spend today's time with you to talk about some things that were amazing (to me) and things not so great (to me) as I navigated my first year of recovery or as I like to see it the "Renaissance year of Cynthia." Let's dive in!The Good:Understanding yourself more! During my first year, I learned so much about myself. Discovered what matters, what I value, and what I don't. I never knew what I really stood for until I decided to recover my life. Having a clear headI was used to always being a fog. Alcohol consumed me and if I wasn't shaking off a daily hangover (of some kind), I was focused on the happy hours or weekend, so I could indulge. My mind wasn't being used to its fullest potential. Building relationships outside of usingLearned to meet new people can be awkward and anxiety-inducing. I'm very introverted but developing new relationships or cultivating the ones I had before in a new way was key. I discovered being able to have activities where alcohol wasn't the focal point and it was fun. New hobbiesTalk about these all the time. Got really into sensual dance. Discovered my love of self-portraiture. All new things for me that I enjoyed and used a tool to explore and get to know myself more. The Bad: (kinda)Emotional Ups and Downs and how to navigate themMan, oh, man! It was nuts. Allowing myself to feel. Defining what I feel. Why I was feeling it? There was just a lot there to unpack. It was overwhelming and I hated parts of it but I tried my best to put in that work. FOMO or old hangouts/friends may not “fit” you anymoreIt sucks feeling like you have outgrown people or situations but it's really a part of life. We may just halt ourselves from doing it. Struggling to find balanceFor an all or nothing type of chick, this was something I STRUGGLED with. Seeking out new ways to get “high”You still crave that rush of intensity. How do you navigate that and channel it constructively? Net/Net: You will grow so much without even realizing it! I encourage you to document this process and revisit where you were and reflect. It can be hard to see growth when you are just trying to make it through the day. I've been there and I see you. Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com

What's in this episode:This episode is short and sweet, since today is Juneteenth, I wanted to talk about using our voices and that they're different ways to use your voice. Things to realize:I often hid in plain sight. Being raised in predominately white environments, where being black was often a sticking point, I quickly withdrew so as not to give to much attention to myself.Even when I was around other black people, I didn't know how to relax and be myself because I was so used to putting a facade in order to feel "safe" or make it through the day. This was HUGE as I look back on my drinking and self destructive habits.In recovery, after getting in touch with my feelings -- I realized I didn't want to shy away from my voice or patterns. Instead, I went against my usual and decided to embrace all of it. But in all honesty, it's still a WIP. We all are. That's what makes life interesting (and at times, painful). The goal is to still keep going. Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com

**Disclaimer: my poor mic is having feedback issues. Trying my best to work out the kinks and will be resolved for episodes going forward!**What's in this episode:This episode is just a continuation of anger. With everything going on, I just want to say that your anger is justified. What I want to unpack is how to move the needle forward or what to think about when it comes to how you manifest anger.**NOTE: I'm not a therapist. So, this is only from my viewpoint only!**Things to realize:Anger is considered a secondhand emotion. In that, when we're angry -- there is usually has to deal with us feeling: hurt, scared or threatened, disappointed or stressed. There is usually a primary reason and how we show our feelings around that primary emotion can come out as anger.Being angry, it makes it easier for us to discount the primary emotion and just sink into the anger and not unpack it. We feel comfortable in it because it makes us feel better about our role in a particular situation (usually).Anger can cause us to numb ourselves. Especially, if guilt/shame is at play. If we don't want to unpack our "stuff," it's easy to seek something else out to divert our attention. As someone who used drinking to cope with everything, I can't count how many times I used drinking to mask how down I was feeling, hoping the booze would make it go away.Some tips and tricks to move ourselves out of anger. Being self aware is key, practicing empathy and I like to "parrot" back things that I hear to make sure we're both understanding each other!Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com

Before I dive into my topic today, I just wanted to say that this week, I lost someone so important to me in my life. She championed me from the jump, she understood my career (she was a mentor for me), she understood me and supported me in ways that I can't even imagine. She was like my cool ass aunt and we didn't know each other for long but each moment mattered. We loved each other, she was a great confidante, friend and mentor. I will miss her forever. I'm angry (not at her) and I'm grieving badly but since this podcast is about going through it and being authentic. I'm still going forward with posting but damnit. Paula, you will be missed SO DAMN much and this loss fucking sucks. So anger? Anger is tricky. It's an emotion that registers different from person to person and from situation to situation. When I was drinking, I prided myself that I never got angry. Of course, that was BS because any time I felt a negative emotion (hurt, sad, frustrated, disappointed), I would bury it all in the bottle. This episode I want to discuss certain types of anger, how it may show up, how you can navigate it and not feel shame around it. We're all in this together, after all.Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com

What's in this Episode?Just saying hello, my friends. Just a check in, no set topic but a check in with you all. The world is still...crazy, Most of us are still in our homes (and if you're not -- thank you for the work that you do for us), either way I wanted to just have a laidback catch up convo.First, an announcement! My online friend @blackgirl_ on IG is throwing a "Sober Sistah's" Meetup for black and mixed race ladies every Wednesday at 7pm UK time. So, if you want to connect with some international sober ladies of color, join the fun! You can find more info on her IG.But anyway, I just wanted to be open and transparent about where I am. Hopefully, you can relate and I'm always up for questions or advice. Next week, we will be back to our regular programming but you know...like I said, this show will be atypical and rough around the edges like yours truly!Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com

I think relapse gets a bad reputation in most recovery circles and it puts unneeded pressure on folks trying to keep themselves clean. It’s understandable as humans, we want to succeed and kick ass in the things that matter to us. Hopefully, recovery falls under that bucket.But things happen sometimes. As I’ve mentioned before, not everything is linear. The best course of action is not to guilt yourself or feel shame. In this episode, we will talk about relapses, what it is, the types, ways to recognize if you (or a loved one) is going down that road and tips to course correct if something like this were to happen.So, what is a relapse exactly? Well, there are two well know types of relapse:The “traditional” relapse – this is when someone makes the conscious decision to useThe “freelapse” – this is when you accidentally relapse (drink something at a party that you didn’t know had booze in it)However, a relapse is in play way before you actually succumb to it. There are three stages: emotional, mental and then physical. This can look like:Emotional: Not being honest with yourself. You may start to crave more than usual and brush it off. Part of you may want to be sober but the thought of not doesn’t seem too bad either.Mental: Glamorizing your drug/alcohol/vice use – when the stories are just so good in your imagination that you have a feeling of longing for those times and neglect to see the bad sidePhysical: the actual using of that particular vice. This can happen in a span of days, weeks, months, etc. Common risk factors:Triggers! Can be social or environmental. If your surroundings haven’t changed, it can be hard for you toStress: A lot of us used to cope with the stressors of daily life. If we don’t replace the poor coping mechanisms with something healthy – we can start to backslideFamily/Friends: It could be your close relationships use or there is still a level of peer pressure. If you’re not solid in who you are and what is best for you, you can easily decide to go with the crowd and blend inYour own confidence: If you don’t have much confidence in yourself, you may not think you can stay clean. Tips for navigating:Have a relapse plan. Write it out if you need to. Write down why using isn’t good for you, what it does, bad things that have happened, people in your squad that should be contacted if shit goes down. Seek out help. Friends, family, sober friends, therapist, recovery or treatment programsBoundaries: revisit them and see where things need to change or strengthenDon’t beat yourself up. I know feeling bad may come with it but it’s not going to help you get back on track. Instead (once you’re feeling a bit better) revisit why the relapse happened. What choices did you make or didn’t make? Are there things that you could have differently? Are there things you need to change? You need to be honest with yourself about this. Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com

Hey all!It's been a minute since I dropped an episode. I will be honest between work, 'rona, and this quarantine -- your girl had to take a mental break. More to come there. However, I missed y'all and wanted to jump back in with more of a fun topic. So, dating...I know folks are still getting their date on during this time, so if that's you, I'd love to hear how it's going. I love how this crazy world has kinda forced us to slow it down and actually court each other. I know, I'm old fashioned but I dig it.In this episode, I chat it up about:Why I took the suggestion of not getting into anything/or dating anyone for my first year in recoveryWhether I disclose about my alcoholism upfront or not. How first dates go for me and how the first date jitters are nowBeing authentic on first dates and standing in my truthRealizing my pattern of dating unavailable people or being unavailable myselfStay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com

Hey all!I'm sure most of us are trying to adjust to this new way of existing. I know that I am. First full week in working remotely and my cabin fever is already quite high.While I do go outside for a bit, it's not like how it used to be. It also doesn't help that spring is officially here and I want to be all out there taking it in.However, we do what we have to do. Just sending a quick post, checking in with you all. Giving some tips on how to navigate these times (if you're stuck inside) or how to keep yourself balanced (if you have to still go out there). Shout out to our service people, doctors, nurses, hospital staff that still have to show up and do the damn thing. We appreciate you!Episodes will still be coming your way weekly. I'm looking forward to getting to know you all more now that our worlds have been mandated to slow down.Stay safe out there, friends! Here is the link to some online AA meetings. And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com

(Hey friends! I spoke about my lack of sense of self in my prior episode on self disrespect. Received a lot of good feedback from the episode, so I appreciate it. If you missed it, check it out here.)This episode, we’re going to dig into sense of self. What it is, how it can impact your life if you don’t have one and ways to go about defining/cultivating it for you!What a sense of self implies:You know who you areYou are confident in who you are (the good and bad)Self esteem is relatively high or solid (not the same as having a big ego – which is usually more about feeling inferior/insecure, when you really dig into it)Being grounded within your self even when life gets real When it came to myself:I was forced into being an adult before I should have been oneI felt like I had to take care of my immediate family, close friends, past relationships BUT also, I thought that was my job to do that. I read about values/core beliefs and got the idea but never would think to apply them to myselfI mirrored what I thought others wanted, even if I didn’t feel comfortableI never looked at what I wanted. I reacted to others and discarded my own or buried them down (food/drinking/sex)Why drinking and my other addictions masked it:Numbing, I drank until I couldn’t think or feel. I made poor decisions in order to keep the self hate loop going in my head. I would “blame it on the alcohol” but it was really all me. How to cultivate a sense of self:Encourage yourself. Getting props from others is great but if you don’t pump you up – what others say will only resonate so far.Hobbies and Interests. Why are you into what you’re into? What do you get out of it? If you don’t have any hobbies – why not? What keeps you from finding something your passionate about? Is there some guilt/shame there?See shit through. When things get tough, it’s easy to throw in the towel. When you’re feeling out of your comfort zone, don’t know how something is going to play out – it’s easy to chuck it and go back to what is familiar. That’s how you stay stuck or small. Growth is part of discomfort. Think about what matters to you. If something rubs you the wrong way or irritates you, explore why instead of brushing it off or pushing it down. May be a key to a value or core belief that is important to you. Having core beliefs will help you understand what matters to you as a person and can also help you examine how it is showing up in your life. Why isn’t it showing up? Do you allow it? Do you feel like you shouldn’t? Think about those things and really sit with it.Boundaries. Yes, I know – I’m a broken record. Knowing when to say no, knowing when to speak up for yourself, knowing how to do it. That will help your sense of self growTake time for you. Sometimes you need that alone time. Sometimes you need to take a step back, regroup and then step forward. Nothing wrong with that. Most people should understand that and if they don’t…well, I’d examine that relationship and see if it’s healthy for everyone involved.And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.com

What's in this episode?I think coping has been thrown out a lot more the past couple of years. I know, I would have side eyed this a couple of years ago because you know, we’re all human and we have to get by. Cue talib kweli!We all cope good and badly. Hopefully, more good than bad but even if not, that can change – if you want it too.What can coping can be?A way to soothe yourself if you’re feeling anxious, emotional, overwhelmed, confused, etc Something that will calm you down, make you feel more balancedIt tips into if it’s bad or good based on how you feel after you’ve calmed down. Does it leave you energized, focused, driven OR do you feel rundown, lethargic, numb?Coping & Me:I coped poorly. I took the path of least resistance. I stuck to things that would numb me, take me out of my head (even if I knew it was hurting me). If it made me feel like shit or allowed me to keep treating myself like shit. I was all for it. Drinking was my biggest way to cope. The thought of trying to figure something out, process something, confront something or someone would send me into overdrive. It was much easier to take it out on the bottle. I would spend days, nights, hours drink just to not deal with my life. Or deal with the people that were in my life.Why do we cope the way that we do?It’s what we know. It’s easy/familiar to us. If it’s a bad coping mech, it’s usually immediate, so we don’t have to wait to get the result we wantIt’s acceptable in your world, so you don’t have to explain itLow self-esteem/no sense of selfNumbing / don’t have to feel or think about shit/DistractionOther things that fall under this category would be:Drugs/alcohol useEmotional eatingRisk seeking behavior (sex usually falls into this)SmokingExcessive reliance on technology Healthy ones could be:Exploring your creativityMeditating (your girl has tried this)WritingSelf-care activities How to notice what kind you have or are displaying?Awareness. Self-awareness is so crucial. It can be a bitch, though. When I want to act out, it’s always coping poorly but maaaan – being aware that’s what it is, is crazy. Name what is driving you. Whether it’s a situation or emotion, think on it. Ask if is it really worth it? And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!

What's in this episode?Today's episode we dive into boredom in sobriety. I know that while I was getting my act together last year, I was in the pink cloud, where I just felt that life was amazing (and it was) but you know, you can’t stay there. So when I came toppling our into real life, I had to learn to sit with a plethora of feelings and emotions...boredom being one.In this episode we talk about:How boredom is normal. Everyone feels bored but you just happen to be more aware of it because you’re no longer using your vice to keep you « entertained. »Realizing that boredom (like everything in life) is temporary but there are things you can do to get yourself out of that rut potentially quicker Things that I did in order to help me reshape my mind around boredom. That sitting with yourself may not be such a bad thing. Use this time to really learn about you.A special shoutout to my Instagram friend who asked me my thoughts on this topic. I hope it gave you some food for thought!And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!

What's in this episode?Today's episode is the second in our two part series with Kristen Feemster. In this episode, we continue to talk about views on diversity in recovery, mental health and how it applies to to the black community. In this episode we talk about:Summing up the first year of sobriety (mine was getting over that recovery was not just stopping drinking), Kristen talks about why she said "yes" to everythingHow spirituality came back into her life and how it helped her establish a routine for herself in order to get back to her potential S.M.A.R.T. goals and how it's helped her tackle big tasks in her lifeRecovery and how it applies to the work she does with her personal clients (how she shares, when she shares -- how it applies to both her safety and the safety of her clients)I hope you enjoyed our series! It was amazing being connected with Kristen and I can't wait to have her back on the show. Feel free to follow her on her IG or reach out to her for services.www.believebefreebewell.com@KristenFeemsterFacebook.com/b3bykristenAnd as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!

What's in this episode?Today's episode is the first in another two part interview. Kristen Feemster joins us on the podcast to talk about her view on diversity in recovery, mental health and how it applies to to the black community and why fitness has been her saving grace. In this episode we talk about:Kristen's backstory of being a rising basketball athlete, a straight A student and how lack of structure led her to down the path to alcoholism Why Kristen decided to be honest about her recovery with her fitness and mental health clientsLack of diversity in recovery places and how that can unintentionally alienate people of color that want to get (and remain) clean Tune in next week to hear the second half, where we will discuss the benefits of recovery and how it has impacted not only Kristen's life but career. And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!

YO! I can't believe January is almost gone! It flew by fast this year and I know some of y'all may be coming to the end of your sober January or maybe contemplating a sober February or longer stint. I wanted to wrap up this month with a little more detail around problematic drinking. Thing we will discuss:Alcohol abuse versus alcohol dependence (it’s not the same)Ways you can be honest with yourself about how much you drinkI did an episode earlier in this podcast about how I realized I had a problem; listen here!What is Alcohol Abuse?Things to ask yourself: Has your drinking gotten in the way of work or school? Any legal issues or alcohol-related medical issues? If you answer yes, then you may be abusing alcohol.What it is: technically alcohol abuse is any “harmful use” of alcohol. If your use of alcohol impedes your daily life at critical levels (mentally, socially, emotionally, and physical). You may be struggling with alcohol abuse. You may not necessarily be an alcoholic, but your drinking may be above the recommended levels.Risky levels are considered:According to the NIAAA, guidelines for "heavy" or "at-risk" drinking are as follows:Five or more drinks for men: Five or more drinks during any one drinking session, or more than 14 drinks a week, is considered risky.Four or more drinks for women: Four drinks or more during a day, or more than seven drinks a week, is considered heavy drinking for women.More info can be found here.What is Alcohol Dependency?What it is: Your drinking falls into the “harmful use” category. Some key differences that alcohol dependents may exhibit:Drink-seeking behavior. Going to events, parties, etc. that you know will include drinking. You only hang with others that drink and are suspicious of others that don’t drink. Alcohol tolerance is crazy high. Drinking to avoid withdrawal/hangover symptoms. Putting conditions around your drinking.If you see yourself in any thing that I’ve discussed, the first thing is not to panic. But I urge you to really sit with yourself and think. If you think your drinking falls into the dependent category and you want to go cold turkey, that may not be the best option, especially if you have been at it for a long time. Alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous and life threatening if not done properly. Please seek out help. If you’re not sure, note how many drinks you have in a week. Be honest about it. Document your moods and thoughts. Was it purely social and having a good time? Are there underlying things?If you want to cut back, make a conscious choice to that. Write down how many you want to have and then hold yourself accountable.Try to avoid your triggers. You may have to learn to associate fun without alcohol. This will take some time. I know I felt so awkward for the better part of last year. FOMO. I love to dance at clubs, lounges, parties and I just couldn’t be free. It was odd but you will get over all of it. Just stick with it and you will learn to have fun other ways too.Boundaries. I feel I talk about them every week, but you may need to spruce these up too. Not everyone you know will be cool with your cutting back or stopping. It sucks but learning to say NO or standing up for yourself will be key. If you get pressure, that is more about them and not you. You will have to determine if the relationship is worth it but before you decide that – boundary up, my friends.

Today’s episode, I want to dig into disrespect. This episode was very vulnerable for me to record. I wavered on publishing it but I'm trying to not hold back this year. This is my truth and I hope it helps someone out there.I know I have talked about leveling up and things like that but I want to go into some of the things that led me to really treat myself poorly. My drinking was a direct result of a lot of this.Bottom line: I didn’t love myself. I didn’t believe in myself. I didn’t trust myself."I didn't trust myself" - I wasn’t honest:I lied to others and myself. If I didn’t like something, I would be passive-aggressive and conveniently forget or do what I wanted.I projected what I thought others wanted me to be. Then would resent them for it.I wouldn’t stand up for myself. I kept my mouth shut to keep the peace.I surrounded myself with people who were quick to withhold information or lie. They didn’t trust me and I didn’t trust them."I didn't believe in myself" - Boundaries: I didn’t have any. I let others define them for me.No sense of self: If I wasn’t the “good child,” the older more together sister, the unassuming girlfriend, the go with the flow friend then I wasn’t good I would react to others boundaries and thought that I deserved everything that happenedI never knew how to say noI would hold or take on others pain/frustrationI would allow people to treat me horribly because I thought my job was to hold their shit. I was used to walking around on eggshells – I understood that. I wouldn’t cry I would disassociate frequently – still do, sometimes (also, it's fight, flight or fright)"I didn't love myself" - I didn’t cherish my body: I would let anything happen to it.I wasn’t raised to value myself. I was told often that there was something wrong with me. I emotionally ate when we moved back to the states and I’ve always had an issue with my weight.I’d starve myself to be thin. Extended family members would insult me and call me names after awhile I internalized itI would get traumatized and then use food or booze to escape and pile on the weightI put myself last.I’d put myself in situations with people who would use my body or ME for their benefit. I’m not proud of this but I didn’t know any better. I would rarely be sober.If any of the things I outlined resonate with you, just sit with it. Come back to it, if it's too intense but don't push it away or bury it. -----And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!

What's in this episode?Quick and dirty Q&A courtesy of my bestie, so yay! Question du jour is if I miss the "ease" of getting my drank on? Truth is: I had to think on this because I didn't know how to respond. Do I miss the aftermath? No. Do I miss numbing? Depending on how overwhelmed I feel that day. So, give this episode listen - I share a tip on something I do to keep my focus (it works -- trust me, friends). So, what else?Gotta listen and find out. I'm trying to make this into a regular segment, so if you have any questions around: addiction, recovery, being black and sober, early sobriety, leveling up, life sh*t, anything really -- let a girl know and I'd love to talk about it. And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!

**Trigger/Content Warning: This episode includes discussions around suicide and suicidal thoughts. I acknowledge that this content may be difficult. I also encourage you to care for your safety and well-being.**What's in this episode?This week, Carlita Victoria an NYC-based actress and creator of the non-profit Darkness Rising joins us to talk about mental health, black families and therapy. In this episode we will talk about:Carlita's family history and how through that she learned to be open about her mental health strugglesHow learning to identify and be open about suicidal tendencies has reshaped Carlita's view of her life going forwardHow Darkness Rising came to be, how mental health and the entertainment industry plays a key role in the organizationFor those in the NYC/NJ area, Darkness Rising is having a free Fitness day on January 12th!Connect with Darkness Rising:Here's a link to the FREE Fitness Day: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/86913770427Darkness RISING: Live 3 is on Monday April 3rd. Website: Darknessrisingproject.orgTwitter: @DarkRiseProjectFacebook: @DarknessrisingprojectIG: @Darknessrisingproject Youtube: Music & Mental Health Video SeriesMake a tax-deductible donation: Bit.ly/darknessrising-----And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!

What's in this episode?Hey gang, time to get new eps a-popping. With all the festivities behind us, I wanted to revisit the series I started way back when around alcohol (check out the other eps below). Now that we're into 2020 and sober January has commenced for some, I wanted to talk about rock bottoms. When do you have a problem?You have a problem and need support, where to go? Guilt & shame and how it impacts your lifeRock bottoms! What is it? What does it mean?Rock bottom can be just one thing (i.e. physical, financial, emotional) or it can be a mix.It's personal to you. It's your "why" basically. When you can't keep going through life the same way that you used to do.It's not just associated with addiction but its usually what people think of when they hear the term.If your rock bottom is addiction related, you need to sit and really ask yourself the hard questions. Here is a quiz to take if you think you have a problem.What can it symbolize?Change: It's about you questioning everything in your life. Your ego will take a hit: It can be very humbling because you will start to see YOU as you truly are. It can be hard to stomach if you've been in denial or putting on a lie for years. You will have fear/anxiety: Change can be scary and we all have bad habits or coping mechanisms for a reason. It will take awhile to sift through and unlearn. What you should know?Your path: It's not linear. There will be stop/starts. You will get frustrated but remember, it's like learning anything new. You weren't born able to walk out the gate or ride a bike. It will take time to learn new, healthier ways of being.Accountability: A lot of people fear or hate that word. But while climbing out of your rock bottom -- accountability to yourself will make so much sense because it's not about the quick fix, it's about cultivating the result you need in order live the life you want. You want and desire more for yourself. Complaining, casting blame won't fit it. The only thing that will is putting in the work. Compassion/Empathy: That will expand because you'll be able to see things from others perspectives more and be able to extend some level kindness. However, kindness is not enabling. Three things you can do:Treat yourself kindly! Guilt/Shame won't help. Find a positive outlet: For me it was creative. It was scary at first because it was raw but it's been incredibly healing. So, I urge you to find something similar for you. Channel all your feeling into something constructive.People: Surround yourself with the people that will elevate your vibe. Will champion your growth. That may be people currently in your circle or it may not be. Be okay with that either way.And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!

What's in this episode?Friends! I can't believe it's basically the end of the damn year! Where did this year go? I swear, it felt like yesterday when I was looking up at the clock in Virginia at this "interesting" end of year party with one of the best friends counting down until 2019 (and no more drinking). Crazy town! So, in celebration of this new year coming to close, I wanted to talk about the top five things I learned or came to discover this year. Let's dive on in, shall we?!Favorite Book: Self Compassion - Kristen NeffI have spoke about this book at length because it is that great. The exercises will really help you shape how you view yourself but how your sense of self impacts those in the world around you. I will always consult this book because I pick something up each time I read it. Favorite Album: Jimmy Lee - Raphael SaadiqSaadiq is a phenom and such a brilliant, insightful soul. I AM SO INTO HIM -- I don't even try to hide it but his most recent album just smacked me in my musical soul. If you are going through addiction or know someone who has suffered -- this will probably hit you in the feels somewhere. Hell, if you just love raw, honest music -- it will probably hit you too. Favorite Phrase: One day at a timeThis phrase is common in the recovery circles but it's such a simple, yet true phrase. You only have the one day, you can only take things one day at a damn time. It didn't really click with me until this year and is one of my mantras. It balances when I feel myself going into a spiral and not able to control everything. Favorite Break through: Being able to see peoples reactions from their viewpoint and not take it personally. It's their stuff not mine. In other words, holding space but with BOUNDARIES!Yo! Boundaries and being able to have them when I have had to deal with complex situations with people that I care about. GAME CHANGER. I think empathy gets confused with being a doormat, (don't think that it is) but my empathy has definitely grown when I was able to step outside of myself and just see the issue/problem for what it was. The good/bad on both sides. It boiled down to two people hurting or not getting their needs met. How can you not feel for that? It was nice being able to see it that way and not taking it in internally. I think it has allowed me to be more present for those closest to me. Favorite Thing about 2019: Recovery hands down!I can't believe it's coming up on a year. This year has been my most productive, my most vulnerable, my most introspective and even with all the damn tears that I shed -- the most loving and probably healthy. So happy that I made it out sober and can't wait to see what 2020 has in store for all of us. And as always, thank you for listening to my baby podcast. It was really a labor of love for me and something that I wanted to get out there in hopes that it would resonate with someone. I can't wait to pick things up with you all in the new year! Be safe, healthy and happy out there, friends! If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. Hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!

What's in this episode?I say this all the time but when I first decided to get sober, I thought my life would stay the same MINUS the copious amounts of booze. But your girl was lying to herself in every way possible! One thing to note though, is that not only will YOU be going through all the changes (the good/bad/ugly) but the people who relate to you, shit -- even strangers may have something to say about your recovery. Things you may discover:Most will be supportive. In fact, you will probably meet people who champion you in a quicker amount of time compared to people who knew you for years! Embrace it.On the flip, people who have may been in your life or you have strong ties with may react differently towards you. It will be hard NOT to take it personal but you have to do your best to keep a healthy distance. Usually, when someone acts out of character to you, it has more to do with them and not you. However, if you respect/cherish the relationship - please bring it up to them when you're ready.You may meet people who will challenge your recovery. They may substances around, ask you to purchase or push up against your resolve in some way. Again, that's more about them and not you...and face it, some folks are just assholes. And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!

What's in this episode?Today, I sit down with Jocellyn Harvey, where we discuss her new book "Recovering the Home," and how her sobriety journey has impacted her career as a writer. In this episode we talk about:How recovery looks different for everybody AND THAT'S OKAY!How "Recovering the Home" came to beHow sobriety typically goes hand in hand with coming to grips with your mental health and family history As a special gift, Jocellyn has provided listeners to the opportunity to purchase her newest mini-guide on "Recovering the Home" at 50% off using the code: CYNTHIALISTENERS50 at her site https://www.recoveringthehome.comThrough her site, you will also find a mini-guide for "Recovering the Holidays." Check it out, it's that time of year and no matter where you are, there is always something that can be gleaned from dealing with folks during this special season. More about Jocellyn!After several years of near-daily drinking in her early to mid-20s, Jocellyn rolled over in bed one morning in January of 2016, cried, and said goodbye to champagne, wine, and gin. Since then, Jocellyn has lived a sober life through 12-Step programs, the Hip Sobriety School, therapy, and other spiritual work. And since she's a lifelong writer, Jocellyn loves writing the successes and trials of her recovery, whether it's about sober travel, astrology, health issues, compassion, and change. You can also find her work on The Temper and read her newest piece Recovering the Home, which is a decluttering eBook aimed at sober women (www.recoveringthehome.com)https://www.recoveringthehome.com/https://tinyletter.com/Sharingmysobriety@sharingmysobriety - not actively posting, but you can still browse the old postsAnd as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!

What's in this episode?I celebrated ten months of sobriety on November 1st. I decided to do a little recap on what I've learned so far. These are my key takeaways and while this is about my recovery from the booze. You can really apply most of these to anything involving a major life shift or change that you're going through. Hopefully, some of these will give you some food for thought as you start to reexamine your life since we're approaching the end of this year. Can't believe it!Stopping the drink was the easy partPink cloud of sobriety is a legit thingFeeling come back when you least expect itYou will need supportTriggers can hit you at anytime and anywhere! Honesty is HUGE and has been a lifesaverBoundaries are awesome BUT not everyone will dig themYou may lose people (OR, they may lose you)FOMO (it's all in your head but damn it does suck)Time flies! And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!

What's in this episode?Life Recovery, what does that mean and how does sobriety play into it? This the second part of the interview that I had with Kiola Raines and we dive more into how the tools learned in sobriety can shape your life for the better. AND even if you don't have any issues with addiction but want to rework your life, these tools can still benefit you. In this episode we talk about:How sobriety shaped how we view our lives and the key steps Kiola abides by when it comes to changing your life for the better Accountability! And how Kiola uses it to keep her clients engaged over the interwebz!As a special gift, Kiola has provided listeners to the opportunity to join her challenge for December, click this link right here and get all up in it. I will be in there too, trying to set myself to end this year with a bang and keep that momentum going for 2020. Also, if you're interested in the rest of her services, check out her website!And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!

What's in this episode?The lovely Kiola Raines joins the podcast to talk about health, wellness and recovery! Fun fact: we're sober sisters (been in recovery since January 1, 2019) and we're not to far in age! She has a young spirit too and I love her vibe so I really enjoyed the conversation. In this episode we talk about:What it was like for Kiola to come clean about her recovery while being in the coaching and health/wellness field How she views recovery versus sobriety (they are not one and the same)This is part one of a two part interview series. So tune in next week to hear the rest where we will discuss the benefits of recovery and what Kiola is up to this month!And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!

What's in this episode?I grew up in a household that leaned more towards the conservative side. I never felt like I fit in and I seemed different not just in my family but just in general. So, in order to go undetected, I learned to project what I thought people wanted. Which worked, for a while but one of two things usually happened:I slipped up one day and I got reamed for itI grew resentful and acted out in some type of destructive mannerMy need to act out has definitely ramped up since getting sober. A joke in AA is that quitting drinking is the easy part, I used to roll my eyes at that BUT NOW -- honey, that truly was the easiest part of all of it (and the most harmful). In sobriety, I see my triggers all the more clearly and now that I don't have my numero uno vice booze to knock me out of my head/body...my mind still goes through hoops in order to scratch that damn itch. Let's chat about it, shall we?And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!

What's in this episode?Time to get all into mess. I know, as adults, people try to shy away or hide from their mess because it's not what put together grown folks do. Well, screw all of that. We all have some type of mess in our lives, whether it's financial, career, family, friends, relationships -- and that's okay! We shouldn't hide from it or pretend like it's not there because that's not how it works (unfortunately). So what do you do? Celebrate it? Okay. Cry over it? Why, not? Personally, I say own that shit. Learn from it and use it to keep going, creating, moving forward. But don't hide or lock it away like it's nothing. That won't benefit you. This episode was inspired by the lovely Jennifer Baumgardner and the post I reference in the show is here! Check her out!And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!

What's in this episode?In today's episode, we deep dumpster dive right into scarcity mindset. What is it? Who has it? How do we get over ourselves enough to reframe things with a more abundant POV.Scarcity means something is in low supply or is lacking. If you think about it, how many times have you uttered..."there is no good men/women, etc out there because I'm old, too hairy, too accomplished..." so let's settle for what I have, although I'm not happy. Or I can't go on that trip, that's what rich people do and I will never be reach. Whether we are aware we're doing it, scarcity still leads us to playing it "safe" within our comfort zones and never growing. I know that has been the case for me (and still is at times...if I"m to be honest). Let's discuss allllll of this though and see how we can start to change our thinking. And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!

What's in this episode?For years, I have always felt outside of myself. I know, it's odd thing to say. I think that's why my weight fluctuated a bit without me even realizing it. Especially if something traumatic happened to me. I never processed what I went through, it was almost like I was floating outside of my body but it would show up subconsciously in my eating, my drinking, and even with my sexual impulses. But thankfully, I am starting to really work it out and I have fallen back into my love of dance and moving my body. Which has been lovely and I am enjoying exploring my sensuality on my terms in a loving and safe place. It wasn't something I expected. I mean, I'm clumsy...me...trying to drop it in stilettos or slink across the floor? But hey, friends -- that's where I am and I'm embracing it.However, I want to know about you. Are you struggling with this? Or are you good with your mind/body combo? If so, what works for you? Any tips? What has been a huge takeaway for you? I'd love to hear and may share on the show -- if you're cool with it. And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!

What's in this episode?Dating...and being sober on top of that, what the eff? Amirite? But you know, let's talk about it anyway. So...?Yeah, as someone who is somewhat awkward (it's endearing) and not a fan of small talk, dating for me is a mixed bag. Another reason why I frequently got down with some liquid courage either before or during the date. Now, it's a whole new world, baby with a lot to think about unless I just want to keep playing out the same type of patterns that I'm used to. Let's dive in together, shall we? And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!

What's in this episode?I got a listener question. Shout out to @planningwanderlust on Instagram! Check her stuff out if you are into planning and leveling up in this life. So...what was the question bih?Drinking! More importantly, will I ever drink again. Pretty straight to the point but still gave me a lot to think about. So, what else?Gotta listen and find out. I'm trying to make this into a regular segment, so if you have any questions around: addiction, recovery, being black and sober, early sobriety, leveling, life sh*t, anything really -- let a girl know and I'd love to talk about it. And as always, thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!

What's in this episode?Time to jump back into our little series around addiction and the behaviors, thoughts and feelings that may be manifested because of it. Today's episode is around the lovely guilt and shame. NOTE: they are not the same! However, they can wreck the ever loving sh*t out of you, if left unchecked. Let's examine shall we?If you'd like to check out the other eps that fall under this series, please see below:When do you have a problem? You have a problem and need support, where to go? Guilt and shame sounds like such a sh*t show, yes?Well, it can be, if you don't address it. We all have felt both guilt and shame, if you come from a household more on the dysfunctional side -- I bet you felt it early. I know I did. How do you tell the difference, this is how I keep it straight.Guilt: applies to something outside of myself. What I did to another person and how I feel about that equates to guilt.Shame: applies to how I view myself. If I consider myself a slob that is unlovable. That's a story I'm telling myself, which amps up my need to self destruct or act out.How to break out of it, fam?There is no one way or easy answer. Self awareness is key but the bigger piece to me is learning self compassion. I plan to dive so deep into this but something that saved my life AND sense of self was reading a book by Kristen Neff called "Self Compassion: the proven power of being kind to yourself." WHEN I SAY IT WAS LIFE CHANGING -- it was no lie but plenty of tears were shed in the process. Learning to speak kindly and loving to yourself will go a long way when it comes to alleviating your shame and being able to accept, grow and rectify (if you can) your feelings around guilt. Check, It. Out. Thank you for listening to my lovely show. If possible, I would love for you to review me on iTunes, Google, Stitcher -- anywhere, really. If you have comments or suggestions feel free to hit me up via the ways below! And sign up for my mailing list. I do like to do giveaways from time to time. IG: gettingyourishtogetherEmail: gettingyourishtogether@gmail.comSign up for my mailing list!