Podcast appearances and mentions of sam black

277. Breaking Through Addiction in Marriage with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith   *DISCLAIMER* This episode is intended for adults.   1 John 1:9 AMP "If we [freely] admit that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just [true to His own nature and promises], and will forgive our sins and cleanse us continually from all unrighteousness [our wrongdoing, everything not in conformity with His will and purpose].”   *Transcription Below*   Thank You to Our Sponsor: Leman Property Management Company   Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith are clinicians, speakers, and authors with over 20 years of combined experience in counseling, coaching, and guiding couples toward healing and transformation. Their mission is to help couples navigate the complexities of relational challenges, particularly in the aftermath of sexual addiction and betrayal trauma, fostering deep restoration and growth.   Matthew is a Professional Certified Coach (ICF) with a background in pastoral leadership, while Joanna is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, EMDR practitioner, and Certified Clinical Partner Specialist through APSATS. Both hold Master of Divinity degrees and have served together on multiple church leadership teams. Currently, they co-lead their private practice, The Raabsmith Team, where they specialize in helping couples rebuild connection, trust, and intimacy.   Their passion for this work stems from their own journey of restoration. After experiencing the devastating effects of sexual addiction and betrayal in their marriage, Matthew and Joanna embarked on a years-long pursuit of reconciliation. This transformative experience led to the creation of tools like The Intimacy Pyramid™, a practical model for relational restoration and growth co-created with colleague Dan Drake.    Their first book, Building True Intimacy (2023), has sold over 1,000 copies and provides practical guidance for couples to use the Intimacy Pyramid to create enduring connections. They also founded Renewing Us Recovery™, a comprehensive program designed to support couples in the later stages of relational restoration. In November 2025, they will host the inaugural Renewing Us Couples Retreat, offering workshops and connection opportunities for couples on similar paths of recovery and growth.   Matthew and Joanna live in Memphis, Tennessee with their three young children. They prioritize self-care through shared adventures, new experiences, and a weekly game of pickleball.   Free Resource Mentioned in Episode   Building True Intimacy book   Questions and Topics Discussed: What were the warning signs that you noticed when you were newlyweds that tipped you off to believing things weren't quite as they seemed? Are there any common life circumstances, whether nature or nurture, that predispose someone to be more likely to struggle with a sexual addiction? As couples seek to thrive in marriage, will you give us an overview of the intimacy pyramid you wrote a book about?   Other Episodes Mentioned During Episode: Pornography: Protecting Children, Personal Healing, Recovery, and Victory in Christ with Sam Black Pornography Addiction and Helpful Recovery with Crystal Renaud Day   Additional Related Episodes on The Savvy Sauce: Anatomy of an Affair with Dave Carder Protecting Your Marriage Against Unfaithfulness with Dave Carder Stories Series: Recovery From Sexual Sin in Marriage with Garrett and Brenna Naufel Supernatural Restoration Story with Bob and Audrey Meisner Special Patreon Re-Release Wholehearted Quiet Time with Naomi Vacaro   Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”   Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”   Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”   Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”    Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”    Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”   John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”   Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”    Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”   Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”   Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.”   Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”   Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“   Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“   Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”   *Transcription*   Music: (0:00 – 0:12)   Laura Dugger: (0:13 - 1:38) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here.   Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message.   Leman Property Management Company has the apartment you will be able to call home, with over 1,700 apartment units available in Central Illinois. Visit them today at lemanproperties.com, or connect with them on Facebook.   Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith are my guests today. They are clinicians, speakers, and authors with over 20 years of combined experience in counseling, coaching, and guiding couples toward healing and transformation. Our conversation takes a few turns, from getting to hear their incredible and vulnerable story of healing and then getting tips for talking to our children about topics like sex, and also even receiving some practical wisdom and tips for enhancing our own marital enjoyment.   Here's our chat. Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, Matthew and Joanna.   Matthew Raabsmith: (1:39 - 1:40) So good to be here.   Joanna Raabsmith: (1:40 - 1:42) So glad to be here. Thanks for having us.   Laura Dugger: (1:42 - 1:51) Oh, truly my pleasure. And let's just start here. Can you share your story going back to meeting and falling in love and your first part of marriage?   Matthew Raabsmith: (1:53 - 2:17) Sure, yeah. It was a little bumpy at first, actually. So, I knew Joanna through her brother. Joanna's brother was one of my best friends, and I got to meet her whenever she would come in town and visit, and she would invade guy night. He would usually bring her along to like a Lord of the Rings movie or something, and I would be a little frustrated because I would be like, oh, you brought your sister. Great. That's wonderful.   Joanna Raabsmith: (2:18 - 2:24) A little off-putting, not super friendly. And I was like, your friend's kind of a jerk. We did not like each other at all in the beginning.   Matthew Raabsmith: (2:24 - 2:54) Not big fans. And eventually over some time, we started to realize we had a lot in common. We liked to do a lot of the same things.   And one summer that Joanna was in town, we started hanging out, started doing more and more together, and really just kind of developed a friendship, which was really fun. And at the very end of the summer, realized that there was something between us. And so, we went on one date.   Our first date, we entered a golf tournament. We won it, and that was a good sign.   Joanna Raabsmith: (2:54 - 2:55) That's a pretty good sign.   Matthew Raabsmith: (2:55 - 3:02) And we went on three more dates over the course of two months and got engaged.   Joanna Raabsmith: (3:03 - 3:07) And then two months after that, we got married.   Matthew Raabsmith: (3:07 - 3:16) Yeah. So, her brother went from like, yeah, it's cool you date my sister, to like, you're not ready to get married. But he's come around now.   Joanna Raabsmith: (3:17 - 3:19) 15 years later. Yeah.   Matthew Raabsmith: (3:19 - 3:40) And, you know, a lot of it was, I think we had a definite sense of being kind of called together, being, you know, something special about who we were as a couple. And also, a recognition that we wanted to figure out what a good marriage looked like. We were really excited about marriage, but we didn't really know what we were doing.   Joanna Raabsmith: (3:41 - 4:15) Yeah, I've had a really great model of healthy relationship. My parents have a wonderful marriage. They work really well as a team.   And so, I knew, like, I want something like that. But as soon as we got married, we realized, but how do you actually build that? There's no, like, instruction manual for, okay, here are the things to do to have a great relationship.   And so, we read books. We went to conferences. You know, we did what we could, but we still found ourselves getting stuck, not able to really create, like, that deep sense of, like, connection intimacy that we really wanted.   Matthew Raabsmith: (4:15 - 5:17) And we started kind of hunting more and more for resources. We found some incredible resources that really changed our understanding of the way relationships work, the way people work, and really, for us, shifted our entire focus of kind of what we wanted to do, even with our life. And as we started to do that, though, we still kind of found ourselves at this kind of glass wall.   We felt like no matter what we tried, there was always this kind of distance between us. And that started to grow kind of over the years that we were together. It wasn't getting better.   It was actually kind of getting worse and worse and worse. And so, Joanna had actually decided to, after we finished our first grad degree together, the idea was we were going to go be pastors. And so, we had finished our kind of theological training.   Joanna decided she wanted to get a master's in marriage and family therapy so we could do some work around marriages and ministry in that way. And her very first-class kind of just set our life in a completely different direction.   Joanna Raabsmith: (5:17 - 6:26) Yes. So, my first class in the MFT program was a two-week intensive called Shame and Guilt. So, that's a really fun two-week intensive to be a part of. And as a part of that, though, they had an anonymous pastor come and share his testimony of struggling with sex addiction, becoming sober, getting into good recovery, healing and restoration in his marriage, kind of like that whole journey. And as he was talking, something inside of me started stirring. And I knew, OK, what he's saying is resonating way too much with me right now.   I think this is the thing. This is what is keeping us stuck, not able to really create the relationship we want. And so, that day I went home and first I just kind of started talking about my class, what I learned, what this pastor had shared.   Right. And nothing. Right.   We're just kind of talking generally about it. And so, finally I couldn't do it anymore. And I just stopped and I looked him square in the eyes and I said, “Are you struggling with this in our marriage right now?”   Matthew Raabsmith: (6:26 - 8:03) Yeah. And for the first time in my life, 20 years, I had been struggling with pornography, sexual addiction, and acting out in our marriage. And for the first time in my life, I was honest.   I had lied for years, both with Joanna and everyone else. And the kind of floodgates just kind of opened up. And I finally said yes.   And it was really hearing the story, I think, is what did it for me. I think it was knowing that somebody else had made it, that their life hadn't come crashing down because that was the greatest fear for me. That the moment anyone found this out, everything in my life would be over. Everything that I loved would be gone.   And so, this kind of story of hope gave me a little bit of courage that day, to be honest. But that started a really long journey for us because there was a lot of damage that was done in both of my hiding. And now kind of this revelation, all the pain kind of came crashing down on Joanna and kind of her shoulders.   And so, we started a quite intensive recovery process. We talked about it being kind of a full-time job. I went to recovery for my addiction and for kind of my acting out behaviors. Joanna had to begin a process of healing from the trauma of this discovery. And that process took us a number of years. It really was a long kind of arduous journey, but one that we ultimately survived and now thrive in our marriage and get the incredible luxury and the kind of gift of helping other couples do that.   So, that's kind of where we find ourselves.   Laura Dugger: (8:04 - 8:30) That is incredible. I just really appreciate you sharing your story. Clearly, stories are so powerful and that's what led to some healing for you and hopefully can open the floodgates for somebody else listening.   So, if we go back in your story, then, Joanna, I'd love to start with you. What were some of those red flags in early marriage that things aren't quite as they seem?   Joanna Raabsmith: (8:31 - 10:28) Yeah, there are a few. You know, I think that, you know, one of the pieces we kind of talked about, like, OK, we knew we're still getting stuck because there's 90 percent that felt really good. But then 10 percent that was extremely chaotic, really destructive.   Right. We would get we call the pain cycles when we get emotionally dysregulated. And there would be some things that, right.   Sometimes we would get into pain cycles, get dysregulated. And I kind of understand why. Right.   Like something happened. There was the disagreement. But other times I couldn't put my finger on it.   Right. Matthew would just get really angry and really shut down. And I wouldn't be able to connect it to anything that had happened in our life.   And so, it was very confusing. It was really hard to understand what was going on. And I think kind of in the same way, when I would pull too close into that connection, that intimacy, he would pull back.   Right. And it felt like even though we both named this goal and this desire, he would never actually partner with me in it. And so, again, that was really confusing because the actions were not matching up with reality and what was happening.   And I think the other piece that was kind of true for us and true for a lot of other people is that our own sexual relationship was fraught with pain. And so, there was, again, a lot that was really good, but also a lot that was really painful and confusing. And some of the pieces just didn't connect.   Right. And I would wonder, OK, what's going on? Well, I guess this is just the reality that like this is how much we get to expect in this area of our life, right.   In our relationship. And so, it was when the pastor started describing his life and addiction and what that looked like emotionally, sexually, relationally. I was like, oh, those are all the things that I'm currently experiencing.   Here's one thing that would answer all those questions that I have. And so, I think that was part of it. He kind of told me, like, OK, this is it.   Laura Dugger: (10:28 - 11:00) That would be so eye opening. And my heart's going out to the couple who is maybe starting to identify with this. Was it and share whatever you're comfortable with from your story or the person's story who opened things up to you?   So, sexually, I'm wondering if it was for you, Joanna, if you were hoping to connect sexually and that wasn't happening and that was confusing. You didn't feel pursued. But I don't want to fill in the blanks.   So, could you elaborate?   Joanna Raabsmith: (11:00 - 12:03) Absolutely. Yeah. And we find it a lot of different ways than couples that we work with.   Right. And so, it can be sometimes on either side of the extreme. And so, for us, it was where there would be kind of times when he'd be fully present and interested and engaged. Right. And then all of a sudden, kind of like I described emotionally, he would just withdraw and not be there. And I would reach out to connect.   And that was this like non-response. And which, again, didn't match up with those other times when he was engaged and wanting to connect. And he would give some sort of excuse that didn't totally make sense.   Right. But I was kind of like, what else? What was I left with except that?   So, I would kind of believe that and go with it, even though it didn't sit right. And so, yeah, I think that was part of it. We will see on the other side for some other couples.   It's the opposite. And maybe that spouse is hypersexual in the relationship. Right.   To the point where there might be pressure, even pressure to do things sexually that people aren't comfortable with. And so, yeah, it can look a lot of different ways. But that was kind of what our disconnect looked like.   Laura Dugger: (12:04 - 12:33) That's so helpful. And there's two different directions I want to go, Matthew. So, I'll set it up.   I guess I'm thinking of the guilt and shame and how those are usually so present. So, I have two questions. Were you when Joanna came to you, were you at a point where you recognize something was off and you wanted freedom from this and or had tried freedom before?   Let's start with that and then I'll go into the other one.   Matthew Raabsmith: (12:34 - 14:40) Yeah, it really was holy timing in a lot of ways. I, you know, for a lot of years I had I hated what I did. I didn't feel like I could stop it, but didn't have a lot of interest in kind of doing anything to stop it.   I kind of just like would just say, “OK, this is going to be the last time.” And then, you know, of course it would come back. But I think at this point I had really started to see the damage that was happening to our relationship.   I could feel us growing close, growing further apart. I could see kind of Joanna and the confusion that she was having. And like she couldn't understand things.   She would ask me a lot of questions that I didn't have answers to. And so, I actually a couple of months earlier, we were at a worship service, and they had said like, “hey, if you are ready to give something up, if you feel like there's something holding you back, come forward and confess it.” And Joanna and I were sitting next to each other, and I remember feeling like the Holy Spirit just like pulling me to like get up out of my seat and I wouldn't move.   I was like, no, because she's going to ask me what I went down for. I'm going there's you know, there's a random kind of prayer partner at the front. I'm like, I'm not going and confessing this to some random person.   And so, I was ready. But I think like I said, I think there was no path forward. It was kind of confess this and everything stops and ends.   But everything like marriage ends, life ends. And so, when she when she brought this, it really did feel like God had kind of been answering a prayer that I've been praying of like, if you give me a way out, I'll take it. I'm desperate.   I want it to stop. And it felt like that. I think it was both this kind of terror and this hope that day.   And even when I said, yes, it was a little bit like, what have I done? Like, could this have been different? Should I have just gone and told someone else privately?   Right. But I think ultimately that it was out between the two of us and that we kind of knew it. We knew what we were dealing with made a huge difference.   But I mean, God had been working in my life, offering opportunities for so long. I just been saying no, no, no. And then finally, you know, I think my heart just broke and it was like, yes, OK, I'm ready for this.   Laura Dugger: (14:40 - 15:14) I love how the Holy Spirit equipped you with that humility and courage to be brave in that moment. And it's such a blessing for all of us to get to see the end or I guess not the end of the story, but you at this point in your story where you're thriving. And so, I hope that offers a lot of hope to people listening.   But let's also pause. And so, going back further in time, Matthew, this was the other part of my question. What was life and attachment and your growing up journey like?   Matthew Raabsmith: (15:15 - 18:09) Yeah, I didn't know that at the time. Right. I a lot of this I figured out in the last couple of years of recovery.   You know, if you would have asked me, you know, as I was growing up about my life, I would have told you I had the perfect family. I had the perfect life. I think I did not realize that some of the things that I was going through weren't perfect, were harder.   And part of that was because I think the way my family dynamic worked was we just swept everything under the rug. You know, whatever happened, we just kind of went, OK, and moved on from. And I learned to do that as a kid.   And that meant a lot of emotional chaos. There was a lot of physical chaos and kind of volatility in our house growing up. And even though I had parents who are still married to this day, have stayed together and have tried to create kind of a stable life.   There was a lot of emotional and kind of relational instability. We moved around a lot. And then once we started moving, I found myself more and more kind of isolated at school. I started dealing with bullying and some things that really kind of left me not knowing how to deal with the pain that I was going through. And so, my way of stuffing things under the rug was getting, you know, escaping, you know, kind of escaping into anything that I could. I watched a lot of TV.   I was a latchkey kid, so I would come home. I'd watch TV a lot in the afternoon and then TV kind of just turned to more and more. And I was exposed pretty young to pornography, actually at a church camp.   I was at a summer church camp. Someone brought a Playboy magazine, and I was exposed to pornography. And I kind of felt that high, that rush.   And that just became kind of a mode of my escape. Right. Of whatever I could do to engage sexually, whether with my mind or with others.   That's how I could get out of the pain I was in. That's how I could stop feeling kind of the chaos that I was having and not realizing that it was becoming this kind of adaptive habit, that it would just be this thing I would go back to more and more. And I grew up at a time that technology was still emerging.   So, I can remember when we got our first computer and no one was talking about safeguards or anything. And so, it was just kind of exposure. Here you go.   Here's everything you could ever want and don't need. And that really became my life. And the more and more that I did, the better and better I got at lying and hiding and even being kind of vulnerable in kind of fake ways.   I would mention things like, yeah, we all have this struggle. And even Joanna, I had told like, you know, that was a struggle of mine in the past, but I've moved on from it. Right.   I told myself and other people just kind of lie after lie after lie so that I could have really this double life. I could appear one way and then I could be acting a completely different way, kind of in the dark.   Laura Dugger: (18:10 - 20:41) Yeah. And that makes sense. I'm thinking back to two episodes.   We did one with a male, Sam Black from Covenant Eyes, and he speaks so much of the origins of pornography and that foothold that Satan gets. And so many times it is in childhood, unwittingly you're exposed and then what it can turn into. And then Crystal Renaud Day came on to share a lot of females struggle with this as well.   And so, I'll link to those if those are a help.   And now a brief message from our sponsor. 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For me, I had to figure out what had really gone on in my life and what was really happening.   Because, like I said, I had become such an expert at hiding from myself and others that I didn't really know how to live any other way. And so, I, you know, Joanna kind of handed me a list of everything this pastor had done. She was like, here you go.   Right. She kind of handed me that list and was like, good luck. And so, I dove in.   I went to a men's intensive. And I think that was probably one of the key places for me to tell my story for the first time. I really took a look at my life and had some people help me take a look and recognize the trauma that I had as a kid exposure that I had experienced and what that really meant to me and helped me understand what I was doing.   But also, kind of what I was doing to myself, how I was really kind of killing myself from the inside out and preventing myself from having the kind of relationship I wanted with God and other people. And so, that discovery was in really ways kind of invigorating for me. I felt like I was living for the first time.   I think I had started to kind of get out of this kind of burden, this fear of always being caught. I told Joanna kind of the history of everything that had happened in my life and our relationship. And so, I was feeling this kind of renewed sense of like energy and excitement of like, this is good.   I want this life. I want the life there that I'm not in constant kind of fear and in constant kind of connection to this thing I hate. And so, which is really different than what Joanna was experiencing.   Joanna Raabsmith: (22:30 - 25:07) Yeah. So, for me, it was very jarring in the beginning. Everything I thought was real came crashing down around me.   And that was especially jarring because I had left kind of the direction, the path that I was on. Right. We talked about our story earlier.   It included two months of dating, two months of engagement before we got married. And that also included me dropping out of law school, getting married and moving to California to pursue a ministry degree so we could work as pastors together or do something together. And so, in that moment, all of that came crashing down.   And I kind of was very lost, not just in our relationship, but in kind of what in the world am I even doing here? What am I going to do moving forward if he doesn't choose recovery? Right.   And so, just all of those question marks, all in that one moment of him answering that question affirmative. And so, so there was like that heaviness on one side and then on the other side was this relief of finally everything I've been experiencing makes sense. Right. Finally, I feel like I actually know what's going on. And because of that, there could maybe be a path forward for us as well. So, is this very, very weird dichotomy in that moment? And so, but I think I knew right away, like, I can't be vulnerable. I can't be intimate with him anymore. Right.   I have to step back in our relationship and wait and see what he chooses to do. Is he going to choose to do the work of recovery and get healthy and start to be honest and safe or not? And so, that's so we kind of did kind of there's some space for a very long period of time while we focused on our own individual recoveries.   And that, again, was a little bumpy for me. This is over a decade ago. And so, there is very little information about what partners experience.   We call it betrayal trauma, and that just wasn't a very common word at the time. And so, some of the resources I plugged into came from a more we would call it codependent, co-addict focus, which just really didn't fit. So, I struggled to find resources that felt like they fit for my journey.   But once I did, it all again, my own healing process started to make sense. And it was so like freeing and liberating to understand. Like, oh, OK, this is what I'm going through. This is why I feel this way.   This is what it looks like to heal and move forward. And so, kind of beginning that process was so important because then when Matthew was kind of in a healthy, safe place, I was as well, and we can start to step in towards each other on that kind of more couples' journey at that point.   Laura Dugger: (25:07 - 25:17) I love how you did that wisely, though, separate first, not rushing into couples at that time. Absolutely.   Matthew Raabsmith: (25:18 - 26:33) Appreciate you calling it wise. I think we were terrified. Yeah, we'll take God's help.   I think he was like, you guys just work on your own stuff for a while. And in some ways, like I said, it was we didn't know what we were doing. But I think we knew we wanted there to be a future between the two of us.   But we knew it had to be completely different in some ways than what we had before, which was scary because we liked what we had before. Like we had a really great marriage in many ways. Right.   There was this portion of it, this hidden portion that was really infecting and killing it all. But what we did have together, we didn't want to totally lose. It just was really hard to know, especially early on, what's going to come forward.   Like, who are we still going to be as we go forward? Are we still going to be a couple who does things together? Right. Who works together? Or is that all kind of going to have to be different? Is that the only way that we have kind of moving forward?   And so, that was that was probably the hardest part was having like this sense of like not wanting to lose us. We were like, if we lost that, that was going to be miserable. And I think a lot of our work was about how do we eventually reclaim this marriage that we want, that we love?   Laura Dugger: (26:34 - 27:04) Yes, because from what I'm sensing, you're friends with each other, you're on purpose or on mission with God. He did a course correction change, putting you on this path to help couples. But your desire to work together, it's like He still honored that in the ministry of reconciliation.   And I'm assuming abundantly blessed it beyond what you could ever dreamed up what we're doing now.   Joanna Raabsmith: (27:04 - 27:42) Right. It's been amazing to see what God has done, how he's used our story, which is so fitting because it was someone sharing their story that brought our healing. And I think because of that and it wasn't right away; it took some time to get to the place where we felt open to God using our story to bring healing to others. But we found as we stepped into that, that we have received such a blessing.   Right. And just being able to sit with other couples in that journey and see them go from that place of pain and confusion to this place of restoration and thriving. Like there is no better work that we could have imagined for ourselves.   Laura Dugger: (27:42 - 28:09) Love that. And really, you did have to pioneer a path. There weren't many resources at that time.   So, that's another reason I'm grateful you can share your story, because I hope it unlocks freedom for others. So, if we're turning more outward now and you're helping as you work with couples, how do you help them identify the difference between sexual struggles and sexual addiction?   Matthew Raabsmith: (28:10 - 30:15) Yeah, that's a great question. And I think that it really kind of exists on a spectrum. And so, everything kind of exists under what we call problematic sexual behavior or unwanted sexual behavior.   Whenever someone is acting in a way sexually that doesn't align with their values. And then the question is, is how often, how compulsive, right? How habituated, right?   How really embedded is that practice? Because the more and more embedded it is and the more and more that I continue to act on that, seeing the damage that it's doing, that's really what qualifies as the addiction. The addiction is when I know that this is causing harm and I and I feel that even though I want to stop it and I've tried to stop.   Right. I can't stop the 12 steps has a great line. They say addicts, you know, addicts have no problem stopping.   It's staying stopped. That's hard for an addict. Right.   And so, that's usually a sign that there's an addiction. And really what that means is that just means that I'm going to have to be even more kind of thorough and scrupulous in my willingness to change a lot. Because if I have built an addictive lifestyle, that means everything I do kind of functions to support that lifestyle.   Right. And so, my part of that was this hiding. I lied about everything.   I would lie about anything just to make sure that I was in control of the narrative. And so, for me, it was recognizing that if I was going to move forward free of my addiction, then it had to begin with honesty, with this kind of radical honesty and transparency and growing in that consistently, because that was the way that I manifested this addiction and kind of kept it going. And so, that's really what the addiction is about, is recognizing what are the kind of pieces in my life that are supporting this addiction to continue to exist?   And how is God going to dismantle those things? Right. And how am I going to be a part of that dismantling?   Laura Dugger: (30:16 - 30:33) That's well said. And also, I'm curious, are there any common life circumstances, whether that's nature or nurture, that are more likely to predispose someone to more likely have this struggle with sexual addiction?   Matthew Raabsmith: (30:34 - 32:30) I mean, there are, I think, you know, the things that we tend to look for are trauma and trauma comes in so many different forms. So, trauma is more it's rare that it's a single event. It's often more a kind of consistent occurrences.   As I mentioned, you know, I can't speak to kind of one event in my life that I say this was the traumatic moment in which everything changed. But it was more of the chaos. And so, I grew up in a family that could be really, really, really loving and incredibly encouraging and fun and silly and in a heartbeat switch into one that was verbally and physically just chaotic and terrifying.   And it was that chaos that kept me on edge. What it did was it created in me kind of a system of always wanting to be on high alert. And that would exhaust me.   That would kind of wear me out. And I would want to kind of numb that kind of feeling away. And so, I think those traumas, I do think early exposure.   Right. I mean, I was exposed early before my brain was ready to really understand what it was dealing with. And I think the third component that we often see is a low level or a kind of really a void of sexual education.   There was I'm sure I had a small talk with my dad at some point, but we were not talking about pornography. We weren't talking about bodies. We weren't talking about sex from a kind of healthy, good way.   I grew up in the church, and it was kind of don't do this until you're married and then you'll be fine. Right. That was the sexual education message.   And so, those things, right, trauma, exposure and lack of kind of education usually forms in someone a difficulty of knowing what they're doing, knowing that it's destroying them before it's really kind of gotten a deep hole.   Joanna Raabsmith: (32:30 - 33:20) I think like the brain. The brain aspect to when we talk about addiction, there are usually chemicals involved in addiction being formed, being created. And so, I think also co-occurring disorders, right, that emotional pain, also things like anxiety, depression, ADHD, where my brain really likes the dopamine it gets from sexual acting out. Right.   And you can actually need it to feel OK. That can also be a factor in kind of especially that addictive side of these behaviors. When my brain gets really attached to that dopamine release that it's getting because maybe I have some other things going on or I just have emotional pain.   I don't know what to deal with, how to handle it, how to regulate that in a healthy way.   Laura Dugger: (33:20 - 34:30) There's so many good points there. I'll just highlight one because there's a profound piece that you were talking about with early exposure to evil and the corruption of it is extremely harmful. And yet not being exposed to God's good design for sex and hopefully being coached by our parents, that is both of those play a part in the addiction. And so, I'm thinking even as we shift to think about parents, I know I've had parents come to me and just say, I don't want to talk about this with my kids.   I don't want to rob their innocence. And my approach is if God made it, this is good. We can talk to them.   You're not robbing their innocence when you're sharing the good age-appropriate parts of sex. And it's so great to be that first one to share with them. And I think it does the opposite of what we would expect.   We're afraid that that might make them hyper sexualized. But would you speak to that? Any encouragement for parents?   Matthew Raabsmith: (34:30 - 36:37) Yeah, it's tricky. I mean, even as parents, we've got kids and its still kind of navigating it. But I do think what it does is it lets someone learn the things they need to in the timeline they need to.   I think part of one of the things is that, you know, really good sexual education starts young. I mean, they start six and seven years old or even younger, just talking about our bodies. Right.   Because I think that's part of it. Really, this is about understanding the goodness of our bodies. This body was created by God, the maker of heaven and earth, and he called it good.   And so, I think part of a good sexual education begins with that. And then, what's really nice is once you've started the conversation, that means if your children are exposed or if they're presented with things that don't line up with what they've been hearing, they now feel safe to come and talk about that. Because that's really what this was about.   I didn't feel safe to talk about what I was exposed to, what people were doing. Right. And what people were encouraging me to engage in.   And so, you know, my parents would ask me how it's going. I would not tell them anything because it wasn't a conversation that they were having with me. And so, I didn't think it was a conversation I was going to have with them.   And so, that meant that as I found myself further and further away from my values, I felt like, who am I going to share this with? And so, part of having the conversation is it normalizes with our kids that this is OK to talk about, which is actually what adults need. I mean, part of our work with couples as adults, we have to get them talking about sex and body parts.   I mean, it's amazing to have 30, 40, and 50-year-olds in our offices and in our sessions. And they're so uncomfortable. Right.   They don't want to talk about sex. They don't want to talk about their bodies. They don't want to talk about what their bodies do.   Right. And we keep being like, this is God's good stuff. Right.   There is goodness here. But you have to begin by talking about it. Right.   Having these conversations.   Joanna Raabsmith: (36:38 - 37:54) I tell all the parents I work with, your kids are going to pick up a narrative about what sex is and what sexuality is, whether you want them to or not. And so, would you rather be the first person to step in and give them a healthy view, a healthy narrative to understand? Right.   And this is beyond kind of the nuts and bolts that everything our kids are learning. They're trying to find a deeper meaning. They don't think it's unconscious when they're young. Right. But they're taking it and they're going, what meaning does this have for me? How does this inform my self-worth, my view of my own value as a human in my body?   And how does it inform my experience of the world and my safety in the world? And am I empowered to make decisions? Am I connected?   Do I belong? Right. All of those questions are asking.   And so, as they're confronted with issues of sexuality, it's going to inform those things. And the world will not give them a healthy narrative about it. Right.   And so, being able as a parent to step in and give them that healthy meaning, that narrative, that understanding of their worth and their safety as they're piecing together kind of sexuality, again, at that age-appropriate level is so important.   Laura Dugger: (37:54 - 38:30) Guess what? We are no longer an audio only podcast. We now have video included as well.   If you want to view the conversation each week, make sure you watch our videos. We're on YouTube and you can access videos or find answers to any of your other questions about the podcast when you visit thesavvysauce.com. And I love that you're talking about this with couples you work with.   So, will you give us an overview of the intimacy pyramid that you actually wrote a book about and you teach to couples?   Joanna Raabsmith: (38:30 - 38:31) Absolutely.   Matthew Raabsmith: (38:31 - 39:15) Yeah. I mean, it was born out of our journey because, as you said, we wandered for a while and we felt a little bit like Israel, just kind of, you know, knowing that the Promised Land was out there, but never really feeling like we could find it. And when we started to piece together, I think the kind of relationship that we had dreamed of reclaiming, we really ask ourselves, how can we make this a more direct, a simpler process, not just for couples who went through what we went through, but really for any couple who's hungry for this, for the couple like us when we were first starting.   It really wants an amazing marriage. And so, we really focused on a kind of simplistic idea of what are the core kind of foundational levels of building really healthy intimacy.   Joanna Raabsmith: (39:16 - 40:10) Yeah. So, the intimacy pyramid, it's actually a triangle. There's a visual that goes along with it.   So, if you imagine the different levels of the triangle, very similar to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, starting at the bottom, you have to start with honesty. And so, we definitely experienced that reality in our own relationship. Right.   This is something we learned from Couples in Betrayal, but like Matthew said, we realized this is where every couple starts. Am I willing to be fully open, fully honest and transparent in this relationship? Am I being my authentic self?   Right. And after that level of honesty, that's when we start to build safety. And that has to do with our ability to communicate in really healthy, constructive ways.   Even when it's hard, even when we're disagreeing, even when we feel like yelling at each other. Are we able to show up with that belief that we both have the same goal? We're trying to build something together.   Matthew Raabsmith: (40:10 - 41:57) And with honesty and safety, that's where we get to work on trust as a couple. That's that next level. And trust is where we start to be more partners, where we're really starting to kind of lean in, work together, kind of be courageous and saying, “Hey, this isn't just my life anymore, right?”   This is our life together. And as that trust is established, this is what allows for the incredible work of vulnerability. And there's been all these studies about vulnerability over the last few years and how important it is.   What we recognize, though, is vulnerability on top of nothing is actually really risky and kind of even dangerous. It's vulnerability that's built on healthy trust where we step in and we do share some of those deeper pains in those wounds, those fears. We start to really heal some of those kind of early traumas that we experience.   It's in that vulnerability. That's what allows a couple to be truly intimate. And it's when they've worked through each of these levels, what we find is these couples, when they reach this kind of this intimacy level, they're passionate about who they are as a couple. They love kind of their relationship itself. They have a purpose to it. They have a sense that like our marriage, our relationship exists for a reason, but they're also really playful.   They're silly. They're really kind of comfortable in their own skin. And it's those five levels really working together that allows them to experience a relationship that gives life. I think one of the things we know is that when God creates, it gives life. And so, God created marriage not to burden us, right? Not to kind of, you know, not even just to get us through, you know, kind of surviving life, but actually to bring more life.   Right. And not just life within the relationship itself, but life outside of it.   Laura Dugger: (41:58 - 42:22) Oh, I love it. And you're also working with couples. I've heard you speak before about the working on offering your spouse the gift of self-awareness. And so, what could couples expect? How do you actually work with them to grow in self-awareness and recognize things like the emotional process they go through in marriage?   Joanna Raabsmith: (42:22 - 43:48) Absolutely. So, awareness. So, in our book, we obviously detail the intimacy period much more.   And that's Building True Intimacy is the name of the book. But each of those levels we just walked through have different components that go into that. And awareness is kind of like one of the most important components of that honesty foundation.   So, we have to start with awareness and we can't really build anything if there's a lack of self-awareness. And so, when we work with couples, one of the first places we start is we kind of look at the past. Are they aware of what they've been through, what those experiences are, and how those experiences have shaped them into the person that is now in the present, showing up with their spouse.   Right. And so, once I start to have that insight from my past, from those experiences, how they shape me, I can better understand my present. What are the things that I feel and why do I feel those things in particular?   Right. And then when I feel those things in a relationship, and these are typically those kind of heavier, more challenging, more painful emotions. How do I respond?   How am I showing up? Because the reality is that all of us cope with emotional pain the same way we cope with physical pain. We go into fight or flight.   That part of our brain gets triggered and we respond with these kind of destructive relational coping behaviors that then hurt my partner.   Matthew Raabsmith: (43:48 - 46:22) Yeah. Like, for example, I told you about that chaos I experienced as a kid. And so, those would always happen around conflicts.   My parents would disagree about something. There would be some type of argument about, you know, and it could be anything where we were going for dinner or what color the curtains were. Right.   But it would create this chaotic environment. So, as I got married, the thing that I didn't like the least was any type of conflict. Joanna and I would get in when I could sense us disagreeing and we are both passionate.   We have opinions and we believe things and we get into this kind of disagreement and argument. It would freak my system out. And I didn't realize that because I didn't really know my past.   I didn't know what was going on. I would just really do anything to shut it down. I get angry and I try to get loud, or I just walk away in the middle of a conversation.   As Joanna was talking, I would just leave the room and my acting out was just a further manifestation of that kind of leaving the relationship. And so, part of my healing journey was to learn about my story and recognize, oh, OK, I can see what's happening. And what's really interesting is it still happens in our life today.   I've been in recovery for 12 years. I still feel the same things. Now it's more like when my kids are getting involved.   Right. And there's energy in the room and people are online. And then I go, oh, yeah, there it is.   There's my system again. It's starting to feel unsafe. It's starting to feel alone. And I know what it wants to do. It wants to get angry, or it wants to just shut down and walk away. And what's incredible is that we've learned the ability to see where we're at but also speak directly to that.   And so, what I get to do for myself now is I get to go, “OK, I know I'm feeling unsafe and I know I'm feeling alone. And I know I want to get angry to solve it, but it won't do it. But here's the truth. The truth is that I'm safe in God's economy. I'm empowered. I have an incredible partner in my life. I've never been alone. I've always had someone there for me. And Joanna is the perfect example of that.”   And that totally changes my sense of really kind of where I am. And it changes how I show up. I tend to be much more calm.   I ask questions rather than make demands. And it's that ability to kind of see where we're at and shift. That's just been such a game changer for our family and just for our own relationship.   We still have to work on it. You know, it doesn't always look that pretty. Right.   But when we do, it's amazing how different it goes.   Laura Dugger: (46:24 - 46:44) And then I just think of the generational impacts that has when people are willing to do the work. And so, if there's a brave couple out there who wants to seek their own help and healing, can you share where they can go for help, including the Raabsmith team and all that you have to offer?   Matthew Raabsmith: (46:46 - 47:30) Yeah, you know, we would love them to connect with us because I think one of the things we recognize was having guides along the way. I mean, we had to figure a lot out ourselves, but we also had some really incredible guides, some mentors, some coaches, some therapists. And so, we always just say, hey, connect with us.   You can find us at raabsmithteam.com. We have a heart for couples who want restoration and reconciliation because that's what we're getting to live and experience. And what's cool is our whole team, they're couples who've been through this work, but who also have been professionally trained to help other couples to just continue to guide and to grow relationships so that they're thriving and they're kind of giving that life.   Joanna Raabsmith: (47:30 - 48:10) Absolutely. We also love to give out resources. And so, we have the kind of we call it the honest connection.   And so, again, if you're starting this journey or even this is for any couple who wants deeper connection, deeper intimacy, learning how to do that on a daily basis in small ways is so important. And so, we have a worksheet that couples can take and use. We're happy to provide that for them for free and kind of try this for 30 days and notice the changes that you experience in your relationship.   And so, that's a great starting point wherever you are in relationship to begin that journey of connection.   Matthew Raabsmith: (48:10 - 48:14) And you just go to raabsmithteam.com/free and that resource is all yours.   Laura Dugger: (48:15 - 48:26) Wonderful. Add links for that in the show notes for today's episode. And is this then for any couple worldwide, nationwide?   Can you work with people?   Matthew Raabsmith: (48:27 - 48:55) We have we've got couples across the world, which is really fun. It's been really neat just to see the way that God has used our work. One of the things when we first started this journey, we started getting couples calling us saying, “Hey, I don't have anybody in my area that specializes in this, that understands this journey. Can I work with you?” And so, we kind of felt a calling to say we want to make sure that we connect with people wherever they are. And so, absolutely.   If you can hear our voice, you can work with us.   Laura Dugger: (48:55 - 49:14) I love that. And just as a little bonus practical tip, you kind of mentioned being proactive to thriving in marriage. Is there any encouragement that you could share or a specific practical tip that anybody could start to incorporate if they want to take their marriage to that thriving level?   Matthew Raabsmith: (49:15 - 50:12) Yeah, I think just the ability to slow down. We have a  nine, seven and six-year-old. We own our own business, and we like life and life can get incredibly fast.   And I think what we have found is when, as I was mentioning, when I learned the ability just to slow down, even if I don't fully just know myself slowing down and checking in, just where am I at right now? Where's my heart? Right. Where do I want to be?   I think I realize that so often my values and my actions aren't aligned when I'm moving too quickly. I'm not being the person that I want to be. And we see that in so many couples. We meet so many couples and there are two really great people who have a hard time working together. They have a hard time kind of being a team.   And it's usually because they're working so fast. They don't realize they're kind of working against each other. So, slowing down, I think, is such a big thing.   Joanna Raabsmith: (50:12 - 51:18) Another piece that's, again, really easy to start right away. A lot of couples we work with, and I think probably even us when we start a relationship, was there were two individuals in a relationship, and it was kind of either me or you. And starting to understand there's this third thing between you, the relationship. There's a third almost entity that really needs care. It needs nurture. It needs you to focus on its needs from time to time.   And so, beginning to approach the day, even approach conversations with this question of like, what does our relationship need right now? And even as you're trying to make decisions, what is the way we can decide this in a way that's good for our relationship or what decision benefits our relationship rather than does it benefit you or me? Because when you get into that struggle, it can become a competition.   It can become transactional really quickly. So, starting to ask that question, starting to talk about the needs and caring for the relationship very intentionally can be a way to shift that.   Laura Dugger: (51:20 - 51:38) Thank you for sharing that. I think that leads into my last question, because you already know we're called The Savvy Sauce because savvy is synonymous with practical knowledge. And so, as my final question for both of you, Matthew and Joanna, what is your savvy sauce?   Matthew Raabsmith: (51:39 - 52:22) I kind of mentioned this, but I think it's the willingness to be honest. I was so willing to lie to myself and kind of really hide from other people. And I didn't even know that I was doing it.   But as I have learned to be more honest in really kind of healthy ways, right. You can dump, you can whine, you can complain, you can get angry. But truly being honest meant just looking at what I was feeling and trying to kind of figure that out and name that.   As I have learned that ability to be honest with myself and with others, it has just opened up a new world of possibilities. And it has shown me how many people care for me; how much God cares for me. So, I think that honesty is something I just want to practice more and more every day.   Joanna Raabsmith: (52:22 - 53:30) I think for me, just in my own journey and working with so many partners, that importance of being able to make empowered decisions in my life. Right. That I am really intentionally choosing the direction I'm going in life.   Realizing that instead of going into this more helpless, powerless victim stance is such a difference. And really the only thing that changes a lot of times is mindset. You don't have to overhaul your entire life.   Right. You have to add in like four hours of self-care and all of these things. But starting to shift that mindset into, wait, I have power in the decisions I make.   And one of the ways that's really important to do that is growing that self-awareness. I cannot make empowered decisions if I'm not aware of where I'm at emotionally, physically, spiritually. Right.   If I'm not aware of my needs on a regular basis. And so, slowing down to check those things in, sometimes even multiple times in the day if you're not used to that. So, you're more connected to yourself, to what you need, what you want.   So, you can start making those empowered decisions.   Laura Dugger: (53:32 - 54:00) I love that. It's just so enjoyable to host a very lively couple who's humble and you've done your work. And then you're willing to share all this overflow of goodness with all of us.   So, I think my prayer is that the Lord would richly bless you for this open-handed generosity of wisdom and your story and experience that you've shared with us and modeled for us today. So, thank you to both of you for being my guest.   Joanna Raabsmith: (54:00 - 54:03) Thank you so much. It's a joy being here.   Laura Dugger: (54:05 - 57:47) One more thing before you go, have you heard the term gospel before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you, but it starts with the bad news.   Every single one of us were born sinners, but Christ desires to rescue us from our sin, which is something we cannot do for ourselves. This means there's absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So, for you and for me, it means we deserve death, and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved.   We need a savior, but God loved us so much. He made a way for his only son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute. This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with him.   That is good news. Jesus lived the perfect life. We could never live and died in our place for our sin.   This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus. We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished. If we choose to receive what he has done for us, Romans 10:9 says, “that if you confess with your mouth, Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”   So, you pray with me now. Heavenly father, thank you for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to you.   Will you clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare you as Lord of their life? We trust you to work and change lives now for eternity. In Jesus name we pray.   Amen. If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring him for me. So, me for him, you get the opportunity to live your life for him.   And at this podcast, we're called The Savvy Sauce for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So, you're ready to get started.   First, tell someone, say it out loud, get a Bible. The first day I made this decision, my parents took me to Barnes and Noble and let me choose my own Bible. I selected the Quest NIV Bible and I love it.   You can start by reading the book of John. Also get connected locally, which just means tell someone who's a part of a church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you.   We want to celebrate with you too. So, feel free to leave a comment for us here. If you did make a decision to follow Christ, we also have show notes included where you can read scripture that describes this process.   And finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, “in the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” The heavens are praising with you for your decision today.   And if you've already received this good news, I pray you have someone to share it with. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"It's critical for ministry leaders to understand their responsibility and opportunity to help people in their churches who are sexually struggling. That was a key theme in our rich conversation with Sam Black, Director of Recovery Education at Covenant Eyes. Sam explained that empathy plus action breaks porn's grip, and how churches can become truly safe communities for strugglers and spouses. We talked about practical tools, trauma-informed insights, and a clear path toward allyship, healing, and prevention.Some of the themes from our conversation included...• Early exposure + repetition + pain = a common pathway into pornography.• Allyship and accessibility work better than traditional accountability.• How mind-body-spirit healing helps interrupt the addiction cycle.• What constitutes safe people in safe places with a safe process.• How church leaders often unintentionally add harm to betrayed spouses.• Sex (or more sex) is not the solution to porn use.• How to find available, practical, ready-to-use tools for pastors and leaders.• How healing it is when leaders  admit mistakes & repair ruptures.#samblack #covenanteyes #thehealingchurch #pornographyaddiction #therapy #healing #addiction #trauma #vulnerability #recovery #grace #gospel #transformationCovenant Eyes websiteFive Stones pastor kit (FREE from Covenant Eyes)The Healing Church book (Amazon) Support the showAwaken websiteRoots Retreat Men's IntensiveRoots Retreat Women's WorkshopAwaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

Rocky Snyder sits down with Sam Black, CSCS, Director of Performance for the University of Tennessee Women's soccer team.The Zelos Podcast is all about the “Pros behind the Pros.” Each week, Rocky interviews leading experts in strength & conditioning, sports medicine, athletic training, and physical therapy who work behind the scenes in leagues like the NFL, MLB, NHL, NBA, MLS, and NWSL.Hosted by internationally recognized movement specialist and master trainer Rocky Snyder, new episodes drop every Monday at 9am EST / 6am PST.TIME STAMPS:3:00 Getting ready for the playoffs5:00 Sam Black's career path11:30 Periodization as a larger concept14:00 Manipulating variables17:15 Fortifying the posterior chain23:00 Activation drills on the pitch28:00 Cultural differences with men's and women's soccer34:30 Training & conditioning during the playoffs40:00 Top performers & substitution rules45:30 Positional training considerations48:30 Goalkeepers conditioningGET TO KNOW SAM BLACKLINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sam-black-b12782152/INSTA: https://www.instagram.com/sbtraining/GET TO KNOW ROCKY SNYDERMEET: Visit the Rocky's online headquarters: RockySnyder.comREAD: Grab a copy of his new "Return to Center" book: www.rockysnyder.comINSTA: Instagram fan, check him out at https://www.instagram.com/rocky_snyder/FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/rocky.snyder.77LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rocky-snyder-cscs-cafs-nsca-cpt-a77a091/TRAIN WITH ROCKY WORKOUT: Want to meet Rocky and get a private workout: https://rfcsantacruz.com/INSTA: https://www.instagram.com/rockysfitnesssc/FACEBOOK: Facebook.com/RockysFitnessCenter

"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)"People who struggle with unwanted sexual behavior including pornography use tend to have a really hard time finding help. Often they haven't had anywhere to go where they will actually receive help, rather than shaming or harsh criticism.SAM BLACK is the Director of Recovery Education at Covenant Eyes, a company providing helpful resources for people seeking freedom from porn. He is also the author of The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About Pornography, and How to Fix It.Sam believes churches need to be the safest places on earth for people to find help and change. But sadly this is far too rarely the case. Our communities that should provide healing too often react with harsh judgmentalism toward those who struggle. Sam's book seeks to equip leaders to better understand what's  going on under the presenting problem, and how they can offer true safety and help to those who need it.Episode 51 | Sam Black: Safe People, Safe Places, Safe Process will be available Tuesday, November 25th!#samblack #covenanteyes #thehealingchurch #pornographyaddiction #therapy #healing #addiction #trauma #vulnerability #recovery #grace #gospel #transformationSupport the showAwaken websiteRoots Retreat Men's IntensiveRoots Retreat Women's WorkshopAwaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

Sam joins the pod to talk over his latest Gaea's Blessing brew.Deck Primer: https://www.patreon.com/posts/exploring-mox-143621194?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=postshare_creator&utm_content=join_linkCheck out the latest on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@lannynynySupport Spike Colony on Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/spikecolony (donations grant access to the follower discord!)Check out the Premodern Tier List and other articles: https://spikecolony.com/

Sam Black and Brendan Lowbridge unpack SMSF

In this episode, Sam Black and Ryan Houston dive deep into the hidden costs that can blindside even experienced property developers. From surprise DA conditions to mine subsidence blowouts, they share real-life stories and practical lessons from projects across Newcastle.You'll hear how a simple council requirement turned into a $15,000 curveball, why a developer's $50k grouting allowance ballooned to $250k, and why every feasibility needs a strong contingency buffer.They also break down: • Why the standard 20% development margin is actually a risk allowance • How to structure your feasibility to absorb cost shocks • Why off-the-plan sales are heating up again • And how to protect your cash flow when the unexpected hitsWhether you're tackling your first build or managing multi-site projects, this episode gives you a clear look at what can go wrong — and how to plan for it.

In this episode, Sam Black sits down with Brendan Lowbridge from MoneyLinks to unpack how aspiring developers can make the leap from renovating to their first small-scale development, such as a duplex project.They explore why many investors—despite having strong equity positions—struggle to progress due to serviceability limits or lack of accessible capital, and how joint ventures (JVs) can be the bridge to get projects off the ground. Brendan and Sam break down:​ The key reasons people turn to JVs (e.g. one party has equity, the other has borrowing power).​ How to structure ownership correctly through trusts, companies, and unit holders.​ The importance of defining roles and responsibilities early—before engaging solicitors.​ Why “available equity” is different from “paper equity” and how to set up funding in advance.​ How to avoid stamp duty traps when changing entity ownership mid-project.​ The importance of accountants and lending specialists in mapping both the purchase and construction phases.​ How to build a complementary team—leveraging different strengths rather than duplicating them.The conversation emphasizes planning with the end in mind, building a reliable team, and treating joint ventures as real businesses, not handshake agreements.

In this episode of Development Insights, Sam Black and Ryan Houston reflect on two years of consistency—both in recording the podcast and in their own property businesses. They dive into how staying disciplined, even through uncertainty, has been the key driver of growth and bigger opportunities.Sam shares how stepping into the unknown can feel uncomfortable, but it's also what pushes developers to the next level. Ryan reflects on lessons from working with some of Newcastle's biggest developers, where track record and reliability become powerful assets—turning you from the one prospecting into the one being prospected.The conversation explores: • Why consistency and discipline underpin both business and development success. • How strong track records open doors to off-market and government-led opportunities. • The ripple effect of development on the wider economy—trades, consultants, cafes, and councils all benefit. • Why profit margins are crucial buffers against rising build costs and market turbulence. • The patience required in site selection—sometimes reviewing hundreds of sites before securing just one.From lessons on building credibility to insights on navigating risk, this episode unpacks the reality of property development, and why finishing projects is critical not just for profits, but for the communities they shape.

In this episode of Development Insight, Sam Black and Ryan Houston dive into one of the most overlooked risks in property development—zoning changes. They unpack why proposed zoning shifts on development sites may not always be feasible, especially when councils and resources don't align with developer expectations.The discussion highlights the importance of thorough due diligence, with a focus on the pitfalls that can arise when assumptions are made too early in a deal. Featuring insights from Dillion, this episode serves as a reminder for developers to stay cautious, do the legwork, and avoid costly mistakes.If you're navigating the complexities of development approvals and planning strategy, this is a must-listen.

PSR Podcast is a listener supported outreach of Be Broken Ministries. Partner with us through giving at BeBroken.org/donate. Thank you for your support!----------In this episode, I sit down with Sam Black, Director of Recovery Education at CovenantEyes, to explore the journey of online accountability and recovery from pornography. Sam shares how Covenant Eyes has evolved over 25 years, shifting from simple filtering to a relational, ally-based approach. We then dive into CovenantEyes' Victory app and its features, including emotional check-ins, family management, and supportive courses for men, women, and parents. Sam also announces a special book giveaway and encourages listeners to take the next step toward freedom with these practical, faith-based resources.To get access to all of CovenantEyes' resources, visit CovenantEyes.com. (And use code bebroken to try out their services free for 30 days.)FREE BOOK GIVEAWAY!Sam agree to give away 10 FREE copies of his book, The Healing Church. To get your free copy, send an email to psr@bebroken.org and put "FREE Healing Church Book" in the subject line. First 10 respondents will get a free copy.Topics Covered in this Episode: History and mission of Covenant Eyes, focusing on relational accountability.Evolution of terminology from "accountability" to "ally" to foster supportive relationships.Development and features of the Victory app as a companion tool for recovery.Importance of educational resources and community support in overcoming pornography addiction.Challenges faced in app development, including technological and platform guidelines.Overview of the app's functionality, including accountability reports and communication features.Accessibility of the Victory app for both men and women, addressing diverse needs.Introduction of new features like the check-in process for emotional monitoring and progress tracking.Emphasis on viewing relapses as learning opportunities rather than failures.Availability of additional resources, such as the Strive 21 program and the book The Healing Church.More Resources:Victory App by CovenantEyesSTRIVE: 21-Day Porn DetoxFind a Support GroupRelated Podcasts:Porn, Technology, and Self-ControlHow Group Work Will Transform Your Recovery JourneyBeyond the Porn Phenomenon: Barna Group Research on Porn Use----------Please rate and review our podcast: Apple PodcastsFollow us on our Vimeo Channel.

Tell us what you think of the show! This Week in Cleantech is a weekly podcast covering the most impactful stories in clean energy and climate in 15 minutes or less featuring Paul Gerke of Factor This and Tigercomm's Mike Casey.This week's episode features special guest Sam Black, a filmmaker and journalist for More Perfect Union, who began investigating the early impacts of political uncertainty on clean energy sectors following Donald Trump's re-election. This week's "Cleantecher of the Week" is Kevin Doffing, from Project Vanguard, who just shared a post on solar and farmland. He cites the 100 acres of land for ethanol = 1 acre of land for solar stat, then asks the questions: Do we want to keep burning food for fuel? Or use a fraction of that land to power our homes, cars, and grid? This Week in Cleantech — July 18, 2025Why Americans Can't Buy the World's Best Electric Car — The New York TimesSupercharging Solar With Quantum Dots — The Wall Street JournalDems couldn't save Biden's energy programs — so they'll try to make them a weapon against the GOP — POLITICO4.6 Billion Years On, the Sun Is Having a Moment — The New YorkerHe Voted For Trump. It Cost Him His Job – More Perfect UnionWant to make a suggestion for This Week in Cleantech? Nominate the stories that caught your eye each week by emailing Paul.Gerke@clarionevents.com

This is a Men in the Arena podcast highlight from EP 684, Healing from Porn: Your Ultimate Purity Resource List w/ Sam Black Check it out!  This episode is sponsored by MTNTOUGH Fitness Lab, a Christian-owned fitness app. Get 6 weeks free with the code ARENA30 at MTNTOUGH.com. Every man needs a locker room. Join a brotherhood of like-minded men in The Locker Room, our bi-monthly live Zoom Q&A call! We meet in the Locker Room twice a month for community, fellowship, laughter, and to help each other find biblical answers to life's difficult questions. Sharing community with these amazing men is one of the most enjoyable things I do. - Jim Ramos https://patreon.com/themeninthearena Get Jim Ramos' USA TODAY Bestselling book, Dialed In: Reaching Your Full Capacity as a Man of God (https://tinyurl.com/dialedinbook)   

Sam Black, director of African American Programs at the Heinz History Center, calls in to go through the history of Juneteenth.

Send us a textIn this powerful episode of the Covenant Eyes Podcast, hosts Karen Potter and Sam Black sit down with Nate Larkin—founder of the Samson Society and author of Samson and the Pirate Monks. Nate shares his raw, redemptive journey from secret struggles with porn and sex addiction to freedom, healing, and authentic brotherhood.Discover how early exposure, emotional pain, and ministry stress fueled Nate's addiction, and how community, honesty, and spiritual growth led him to lasting transformation. Learn how the Samson Society creates spaces for real connection and why it's never too late to seek help.Whether you're in the middle of your own battle or walking alongside someone who is, this conversation is full of truth, grace, and hope.

No last hurrah would be complete without a timeless (...and somewhat overdue) theory article so here Ari shares what's on his mind as he gallops off into the sunset - the hard problems in Magic then, now, and in betweenSam Black on PlaystylesPatreon / Discord 

This is a Men in the Arena podcast highlight from EP 684, Healing from Porn: Your Ultimate Purity Resource List w/ Sam Black Get Jim Ramos' USA TODAY Bestselling book, Dialed In: Reaching Your Full Capacity as a Man of God   This episode is sponsored by MTNTOUGH Fitness Lab, a Christian-owned fitness app. Get 6 weeks free with the code ARENA30! Want access to an ad-free, early-release version of the podcast? Get it with Arena Access on Patreon. Have questions you wish you could ask Jim about life, marriage, men's ministry, or manhood? Join his monthly live Zoom Q&A by joining The Locker Room on Patreon. 

Pornography addiction is one of the most misunderstood struggles in the church today, often shrouded in shame and secrecy. Sam Black, Director of Recovery Education at Covenant Eyes and author of The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About Pornography and How to Fix It, joins us to share how real freedom comes through accountability, grace, and informed support. Drawing from his journalism background and over 70 interviews with pastors, counselors, and people in recovery, Sam offers practical wisdom for churches, couples, and individuals navigating the path to healing.Key Takeaways:How Covenant Eyes Works – Sam explains how the software uses screen accountability and ally relationships to help individuals break free from pornography.What Makes Accountability Effective – Data shows accountability is most potent when allies are engaged, supportive, and focused on deeper heart change—not just behavior monitoring.Support for Spouses—Sam offers compassionate advice for wives who hope software will cure them, emphasizing that while it's a helpful tool, healing requires a broader process of trust-building and recovery.What Churches Get Wrong – Drawing from The Healing Church, Sam reveals common missteps ministry leaders make—like placing blame on spouses or assuming more sex will “fix” the problem—and how to shift toward grace-filled support.The Power of Collaboration: Sam shares why he invited Dr. Sheri Keffer to author a chapter in his book, emphasizing the importance of including voices from the betrayal trauma community in the healing process.Resources Mentioned:Covenant EyesThe Healing Church by Sam BlackAllied: Fighting Porn with Accountability, Faith, and Friends – Free eBookConnect with Sam Black:LinkedInRead Sam's Articles at Covenant EyesConnect with Us!

On this weeks episode, I'm sitting down with footwear wizard Vinnie Tao from Sneaker Pharm. Vinnie loves shoes. Restoring them, tweaking them, Frankensteining em. Anything that'll give them a longer, better or more loved life. He's an appreciator of great design and the value that can create in an object and I'm buzzing to chat to him about his combined love of footwear culture and sustainability.If you're loving this series of My Own Garms and you want to show some love for what we're doing here. Get over to pattern.com/myowngarms and chuck us a few quid. There's a few levels depending on how flush your feeling and if you're skint, that's cool. We'll just keep doing what we're doing anyway. Big shout out to the musicians whose tunes you've heard on this series. Ocsar Kenny, Sam Black, Dave Shurr. Very grateful to you lot for sharing your ace music with us. And also a big thanks to Trailberg who are supporting the series. Appreciate you a lot.Right let's get to it. This is Vinnie Tao on My Own Garms…Vinnie from Sneaker Pharm joins us to talk about repairing kicks, restoring memory, and building a fashion philosophy rooted in punk, purpose, and play. From the smell of waxed jackets to the rise of repair culture, this episode digs into what makes good design last — not just physically, but emotionally. It's about more than trainers. It's about the stories they carry.If you love this ep then drop us a comment on YouTube, a review on Apple Podcasts, or a comment on Spotify Get at us on the socials and let us know what you thought, we're @myowngarms everywhereIf you wanna support us with a little donation head to patron.com/myowngarms If you want to advertise with us, slide into the DMs. We'll have a chat.My Own Garms is a video podcast. You can watch on ⁠⁠Spotify⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠. There's gonna be loads of clips on ⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠Insta⁠⁠ (@myowngarms). But if you just want the audio, then you can find us wherever you usually listen to your podcasts.

Sam Black joins the cast to talk about the latest on his enchantress deck, the state of the format, and his process in brewing new decks!Check out the Premodern Tier List: https://spikecolony.com/tierlist/Check out the latest on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@lannynyny Support Spike Colony on Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/spikecolony

See How Covenant Eyes Works: https://cvnteyes.co/4gb6xmeIn part two of this episode with Sam Black, author of The Healing Church, shares how churches can foster genuine, transformative conversations around difficult topics. Sam explores the role of vulnerability and authenticity, emphasizing the balance between welcoming people as they are while encouraging spiritual growth and change. Churches often struggle with creating safe spaces for open dialogue, yet as Sam highlights, authenticity is key to building community and trust.Watch the FULL video interview at:https://youtu.be/TSrlUfT-GXELEARN more about Covenant Eyes:https://www.covenanteyes.com/how-it-works/#CovenantEyes #SamBlack #TheHealingChurch #ChurchAuthenticity #SpiritualGrowth #VulnerabilityInFaith #ChristianCommunity #FaithJourney #AuthenticChurch #HealingThroughFaithTry Covenant Eyes for FREE today!Use Promo Code: FreePodcast © 2024 Covenant Eyes, All Rights Reserved

In this compelling episode, Sam Black and Karen Potter dive deep into the stigma surrounding women and pornography, addressing its profound impact on individuals, families, and church communities. They unveil "Arise," a groundbreaking program developed by Covenant Eyes to empower women with tools and community support for overcoming addiction and shame.The conversation explores the church's role in fostering authenticity and vulnerability, breaking isolation, and creating safe spaces for healing. Sam and Karen share real-life stories of transformation, from ministry leaders embracing grace-filled accountability to entire congregations finding renewed strength through openness.Discover how addressing these struggles head-on can unlock spiritual growth, deeper connections with God, and vibrant church communities that thrive on transparency and mutual support. This episode is a must-listen for pastors, ministry leaders, and anyone passionate about fostering genuine healing and discipleship.The Healing Church book:https://www.thehealingchurch.com/The Victory App by Covenant Eyes:From the Google Play StoreFrom the Apple App StoreCovenant Eyes on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@covenanteyesTry Covenant Eyes for FREE today!Use Promo Code: FreePodcast © 2024 Covenant Eyes, All Rights Reserved

Sam Black, the author of The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About Pornography and How to Fix It and the Director of Recovery Education at Covenant Eyes, joins the podcast today to wrap up an 8-part deep dive into the new data on pornography use, its impact on relationships, mental health, and the Church. Together, Nick, Ashley, and Sam explore how this research can guide the Church in addressing sexual brokenness and provide real hope for healing. This eight episode deep dive into Beyond the Porn Phenomenon features the voices of people prominently featured in the report.Resources:Full Episode On YoutubeOrder ‘Beyond The Porn Phenomenon Now!'Barna WebsiteSam's BookCovenant EyesCovenant Eyes Resources  GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter)

"It's important that you have another man in your life that you're being open and honest with. Why? Because a man knows how a man thinks." — Sam Black Watch this interview today, ONLY on @X! In this bonus episode of the Thinking Dad Podcast, host Garritt Hampton and guest Sam Black, of Covenant Eyes, dive deep into the critical issue of pornography affecting the church and destroying marriages and lives. Sam shares valuable insights on how churches can better address this challenge and offers practical steps for individuals seeking freedom and healing. Learn how to rebuild trust in your marriage, establish strong accountability, and foster genuine relationships and support within your community.

"Pornography is undermining every ministry of the local church. From young to old, men and women are struggling." — Sam Black Watch this full interview today, ONLY on @X! Garritt Hampton and guest Sam Black, of Covenant Eyes, take on the critical issue of pornography within the church, discussing its impact on men, women, children, and even pastors and ministry leaders. With over 17 years of experience helping men overcome this addiction, Sam shares his journey, the power of accountability, and the tools available to combat this pervasive issue. Learn proactive parenting tips, and how to create safe spaces in church for honest discussions on this important topic.

This week my guest is Jake Hanrahan, independent Journalist behind the war reporting platform Popular Front, who is launching a new documentary series called Away Days, covering underground countercultures around the world, from the inside. Jake is probably my most “non-noise” guest I've had on the podcast yet, but his understanding of true underground culture and unapologetic approach to media make this an essential episode for people involved in the noise and industrial community. Be sure to subscribe to the Away Days Youtube page to be notified when the first episode drops!Follow Away Days:https://www.youtube.com/@AwayDaysTVhttps://www.instagram.com/awaydays.tv/https://www.awaydays.tv/Follow Popular Front:https://www.youtube.com/@PopularFronthttps://www.instagram.com/popular.front/https://www.popularfront.co/Intro music by Sam Black: https://www.instagram.com/samblack.jpeg/Help Colton from Reanimated Miscarriage recover from devastating hurricane damage: https://gofund.me/5f3d9179Support White Centipede Noise Podcast and get access to full podcast episodes, WCN TV content, Discord server and much more: https://www.patreon.com/whitecentipedenoiseThis episode is sponsored by Rural Isolation Project: https://ruralisolationproject.com/WCN Podcast Ep. 88Support the show

Send us a textJoin me in this powerful episode of God-sized Stories as I sit down with Sam Black, a distinguished journalist and author of "The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About Pornography and How to Fix It".We dive deep into the pervasive issue of pornography within the church and its devastating effects on ministries and individuals.This is a must-watch for pastors, ministry leaders, and anyone seeking understanding and healing on this critical topic.In This Episode

Sam Black sits down to discuss his initial thoughts on Duskmourn limited Check out our sponsor Untapped GG at our affiliate link:⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠https://mtga.untapped.gg/companion?utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=draftingarchetypes⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/draftingarchetypes⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Swag Store:⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠https://my-store-d775a7.creator-spring.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow Sam: Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/SamuelHBlack⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.twitch.tv/samuelhblack⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join Sam's Discord at:⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠https://discord.gg/PKCZvatEFp⁠

Sam Black dives into Bant in Modern Horizons 3 draft Check out our sponsor Untapped GG at our affiliate link:https://mtga.untapped.gg/companion?utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=draftingarchetypesPatreon:https://www.patreon.com/draftingarchetypesSwag Store:https://my-store-d775a7.creator-spring.com/Follow Sam:Twitter: https://twitter.com/SamuelHBlackTwitch: https://www.twitch.tv/samuelhblackJoin Sam's Discord at:https://discord.gg/PKCZvatEFp

Sam Black dives into Bant in Modern Horizons 3 draft Check out our sponsor Untapped GG at our affiliate link:https://mtga.untapped.gg/companion?utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=draftingarchetypesPatreon:https://www.patreon.com/draftingarchetypesSwag Store:https://my-store-d775a7.creator-spring.com/Follow Sam:Twitter: https://twitter.com/SamuelHBlackTwitch: https://www.twitch.tv/samuelhblackJoin Sam's Discord at:https://discord.gg/PKCZvatEFp

Sam Black dives into Blue White in Modern Horizons 3 draft Check out our sponsor Untapped GG at our affiliate link:https://mtga.untapped.gg/companion?utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=draftingarchetypesPatreon:https://www.patreon.com/draftingarchetypesSwag Store:https://my-store-d775a7.creator-spring.com/Follow Sam:Twitter: https://twitter.com/SamuelHBlackTwitch: https://www.twitch.tv/samuelhblackJoin Sam's Discord at:https://discord.gg/PKCZvatEFp

Sam Black dives into Blue White in Modern Horizons 3 draft Check out our sponsor Untapped GG at our affiliate link:https://mtga.untapped.gg/companion?utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=draftingarchetypesPatreon:https://www.patreon.com/draftingarchetypesSwag Store:https://my-store-d775a7.creator-spring.com/Follow Sam:Twitter: https://twitter.com/SamuelHBlackTwitch: https://www.twitch.tv/samuelhblackJoin Sam's Discord at:https://discord.gg/PKCZvatEFp

Struggles with pornography are incredibly common within the Church, and the problem isn't going to go away on its own. What can churches do to be an environment where it is safe for congregants and leaders to admit struggles and get the support they need to overcome them? How can those going into ministry receive sufficient discipleship and care so they can heal from past traumas, win the battle, and walk closely and authentically with Jesus? Sam Black, Director of Life Change Education at Covenant Eyes, and author of “The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong about Pornography and How to Fix It”, joins Juli to discuss what the church at large can do to address the issue of pornography. Guest: Sam Black Website: thehealingchurch.com Website: covenanteyes.com App: The Victory App Instagram: @covenant.eyes Book: “The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong about Pornography and How to Fix It” by Sam Black Book: “Her Freedom Journey” by Dr. Joy Skarka and Dr. Juli Slattery Get your free 5-day guide to finding freedom from sexual sin! Check out Authentic Intimacy's partner ministry, Sexual Discipleship®!     Be Broken Ministries Pure Desire Samson Society SheRecovery   Java with Juli with Dr. Juli Slattery – Christian Discussions on Marriage, Sex and Singleness.

This week we talk about the kicker for the Kansas City Chiefs, Sabrina Carpenter, and senior prom. For our full podcast interview with Sam Black, click here. For more Axis resources, go to axis.org  

Today we are posting an interview with Sam Black, the Director of Recovery Education at Covenant Eyes. Sam is a renowned author and expert in the field of pornography recovery. After a distinguished 18-year career as an award-winning journalist, Sam joined up with Covenant Eyes. He has edited 16 books on the impact of pornography, regularly speaks at parenting, leadership and men's events across the country. He's also the author of "The Porn Circuit: Understand Your Brain and Break Porn Habits,” as well his most recent book, "The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About Pornography and How to Fix It.” For more parenting resources, go to axis.org 

The data doesn't lie. Pornography use by men and women is higher than ever, and its impact on our faith communities, marriages, and lives is significant. Sam Black of Covenant Eyes joins AllMomDoes host Julie Lyles Carr for a frank conversation about why people get stuck in porn addiction, how to handle it when your child encounters explicit material, and what resources are available to help you and your marriage heal.Show Notes: https://bit.ly/4diwhvY

Make a tangible difference for FREE by joining the Action Squad at www.restoredministries.ca/actionsquad.Welcome to episode #208! This week, Matt and Braden talk with Sam Black about his book “Healing the church” and equipping church leaders on how to talk about sexual brokenness in the church.Pornography is undermining every ministry in the church.The average age for first exposure is 8-12 and so our children's ministries are being impacted by pornography whether we recognize it or not. If we don't equip parents, we are missing the opportunity to protect them and provide them ongoing guidance. Pornogrpahy impacts our teens and youth ministry and marriage and adult ministries. Two thirds of men and one third of women in the church say they have an ongoing struggle with pornography. There is a direct correlation between pornography use and prayer, scripture life, church attendance, feelings about being close to God and doubts about your faith. A university study showed that there is a direct link between how much porn someone used and whether they would serve in their church over the next 6 years. It is important that the church is the safe place for people to go with their addictions to find recovery. You don't need a perfect plan - you need a first next step. This will allow people to create that first step in their own lives. Every step leads to another step. The book breaks down the steps into “easy steps” - something you don't have to think much about; there are “small steps” - steps you can implement without a lot of effort; then “medium” and “large” steps to lead into full recovery. Taking it one step at a time makes it easier and less overwhelming to accomplish and walk into recovery. There are 3 common factors that ministry leaders miss for why people get stuck. 1 - Early childhood exposure. It's so impactful on their brain that even as an adult they can tell you a complete story of that first exposure, but nothing else about that day. 2 - The ongoing use and repetition that burns neuro pathways in the brain to crave it more and more. 3 - Some pain or trauma that happened at a young age can happen elsewhere. These three create pornography as an escape that has been done thousands of times. This is where a safe place and process comes in. The knowledge precedes understanding and understanding precedes change.Ask a questionHave a question you'd like answered live on an episode? Send a voice recording of your question to braden@familylifecanada.com or matt@restoredministries.ca.Share this with your friendsWho do you know that can benefit from this podcast and other episodes coming in the future? Share it with them so they can subscribe as well.SubscribeSubscribe on any podcast app to make sure you catch new episodes! Watch the podcast on YouTube here.ResourcesThe Healing Church - download the first chapter. Pure Freedom Community for men 18+Pure Freedom Journey for men and womenBook a FREE call (men)Course for marriagesFamilyLife Canada: Resources and events to strengthen your marriageOnline marriage resources (FamilyLife Canada)Covenant Eyes Accountability Software - use promo code RM30 for 30 days freePodcast HostsBRADEN HAFNERBraden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He has been married for 14 years to his wife Kristen, and they live in Edmonton, Alberta. He is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.comMATT CLINEMatt and his wife Louise raise their little guys, David and Oliver, in Edmonton, Alberta. He is honoured to do what he can to tackle the epidemic of pornography and sexual perversion in every way possible. Seeing lives and marriages get free and experience the love of God in profound ways is what drives him every day. He leads Restored Ministries, is a certified speaker and coach for the John Maxwell Team, and formerly played hockey in the WHL and for Hockey Canada. You can visit www.restoredministries.ca.

Sam Black drops in on the pod to chat about his latest takes on Premodern and dives deep into his growing catalog of Old School brews! Check out Sam's Moxfield here https://www.moxfield.com/users/SamuelHBlack And Sam's everything else @SamuelHBlack online!

Mike and Lanny go super deep on Goblins vs. Burn after Mike's shocking choice to take the draw! This week ended up being a 2 part episode as the one and only Sam Black drops in mid-record, stay tuned!

On today's Podcast I once again sit down and talk with Sam Black of Covenant Eyes. Today Sam discusses his book, "The Healing Church." Together, we are the Church. James 5:16 tells us we need one another as part of God's healing plan. But pornography isolates and sin is often hidden. It's not enough to say the local church has a hidden porn problem; church leaders need a primer to help people live in freedom. The Healing Church cuts through the confusion. Discern how porn undermines ministry in your church.Understand how porn affects men and women differently and how to help them.  Discover how generations of Christians are becoming more comfortable with porn.  Learn why sex isn't the real problem in pornography.Find out how to effectively deal with pornography while spending less time counseling.To learn more about The Healing Church visit: https://www.thehealingchurch.com/Get connected to our A Quiet Life closed Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/pursuitofmanlinessMake sure to sign up for the Framework Field Notes newsletter which goes out every Monday: https://www.thepursuitofmanliness.com/Build your own Tribe with Tribe Builder: https://www.thepursuitofmanliness.com/gear/p/tribe-builder-the-gospelsTo get more PoM Podcast content and join a global community of men who help support PoM join The Herd: https://www.thepursuitofmanliness.com/join-the-herdSecure your spot at our Fall Men's Retreat: https://www.thepursuitofmanliness.com/gear/p/2024-mens-retreatCheck out our newest sponsor to the podcast JoyLight Coffee Roasters from Topeka Kansas. Listen to today's show to save 10% off of your next order: https://joylightcoffee.com/Support the show

Subscriber-only episodeOn today's Podcast I once again sit down and talk with Sam Black of Covenant Eyes. Today Sam discusses his book, "The Healing Church." Together, we are the Church. James 5:16 tells us we need one another as part of God's healing plan. But pornography isolates and sin is often hidden. It's not enough to say the local church has a hidden porn problem; church leaders need a primer to help people live in freedom. The Healing Church cuts through the confusion. Discern how porn undermines ministry in your church.Understand how porn affects men and women differently and how to help them.  Discover how generations of Christians are becoming more comfortable with porn.  Learn why sex isn't the real problem in pornography.Find out how to effectively deal with pornography while spending less time counseling.To learn more about The Healing Church visit: https://www.thehealingchurch.com/Get connected to our A Quiet Life closed Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/pursuitofmanlinessMake sure to sign up for the Framework Field Notes newsletter which goes out every Monday: https://www.thepursuitofmanliness.com/Build your own Tribe with Tribe Builder: https://www.thepursuitofmanliness.com/gear/p/tribe-builder-the-gospelsTo get more PoM Podcast content and join a global community of men who help support PoM join The Herd: https://www.thepursuitofmanliness.com/join-the-herdSecure your spot at our Fall Men's Retreat: https://www.thepursuitofmanliness.com/gear/p/2024-mens-retreatCheck out our newest sponsor to the podcast JoyLight Coffee Roasters from Topeka Kansas. Listen to today's show to save 10% off of your next order: https://joylightcoffee.com/

Disclaimer: This podcast episode includes adult themes that are not intended for young ears.   Pornography: Protecting Children, Personal Healing, Victory, and Recovery in Christ with Sam Black   James 5:16 (AMP) "Therefore, confess your sins to one another [your false steps, your offenses], and pray for one another, that you may be healed and restored. The heartfelt and persistent prayer of a righteous man (believer) can accomplish much [when put into action and made effective by God—it is dynamic and can have tremendous power]."   Thank You to Our Sponsor: Thank You to Our Sponsor: Dream Seller Travel, Megan Rokey   Questions and Topics We Cover: Are there any common denominators present in these men and women who struggle with pornography addiction? Satan can make people feel like this stronghold will last forever, but what hope can you share with someone engaged in this battle right now? What would be helpful for the church to understand, speak about, and offer as resources for healing and recovery?   Sam Black is a renowned author and expert in the field of pornography recovery. As the Director of Recovery Education at Covenant Eyes, he brings a wealth of experience to his work, having joined the organization in 2007 after a distinguished 18-year career as an award-winning journalist. Sam is the author of two groundbreaking books: "The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About Pornography and How to Fix It" and "The Porn Circuit: Understand Your Brain and Break Porn Habits." He has also edited 16 other books on the impact of pornography and regularly speaks at parenting, leadership and men's events across the country. Sam's deep knowledge and compassionate approach have helped countless individuals and families find healing and hope. The Healing Church Website The Victory App (Through Covenant Eyes) Sam's Email Address: sam.black@covenanteyes.com   Other Episode Mentioned from The Savvy Sauce: 91 Technology and Parenting with Arlene Pellicane   Connect with The Savvy Sauce on our Website   Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast!   Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)   Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”   Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”   Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”    Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”    Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”    Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”    John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”   Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”    Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”   Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”   Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.”   Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”   Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“   Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“   Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  

This week on The Bulletin, host Russell Moore flies solo while Mike Cosper is in Israel and Nicole Martin is away preaching. The conversation continues with lively engagement around bad behavior and how we can apply all of the gospel to the darker corners of our lives -- our unhealthy addiction to pornography, our tendency toward argumentation, and our lackluster support for a truly whole life pro-life ethic. Special guests include Sam Black of Covenant Eyes, Rick Kardos of The Nathan Project, CT's new political correspondent Harvest Prude, and attorney Kelly Rosati. For show notes and more, click here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This month's bonus series is on a topic that can tend to be very uncomfortable to talk about, but nonetheless, it's an uncomfortable good. Pornography is a subject that affects all of us in one way or another and it's important to have these conversations. With statistics saying that over half of men in the church view pornography monthly, this addiction is infiltrating every ministry of our churches. Today's guest, Sam Black, is an expert on the topic of how to talk about pornography in our churches and families in healthy ways.Sam Black is the author of The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About Pornography and How to Fix It. The director of recovery education at Covenant Eyes, Sam joined the Covenant Eyes team in 2007 after 18 years as an award-winning journalist. He has edited 16 books on the impact of pornography and speaks at parent, men's, and leaders events. Sam also wrote The Porn Circuit: Understand Your Brain and Break Porn Habits.I hope through this series you gain a wealth of resources to help you, however this topic affects you. Whether you're someone who has struggled with pornography and addiction, or a spouse or partner who is dealing with the betrayal of such, we encourage you to check out the links from the show to find support, healing, and freedom. SHOW LINKS:The Healing ChurchCovenant Eyes 1st Chapter of The Healing Church Celebrate RecoveryCanopyBark - Use Code JAMIE10Building the BodyIntimate DeceptionDuran Church of NazareneHoliday Gift GuideSubscribe to NewsletterPart 2 of Let's Talk About Porn with Jessica HarrisPart 3 of Let's Talk About Porn with Chris McKenna

Sam Black, author of The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About Pornography, and Director of Life Change Education at Covenant Eyes. Today, Sam shares how his life changed when he was first exposed to pornography, how it became a crutch for him, and why it's so destructive. He explains the inner turmoil he felt which often kept him from church but then, he discovered a community that allowed him to be honest about his addiction. Plus, Sam tells us how to get started making your church a place that's safe, too. Sam's story reminds us that God's grace is enough for everyone regardless of what sin they struggle with. Listen to Sam's story in your favorite podcast app now! Stories Sam shared: Why he wrote The Healing Church Growing up in Indiana, Kentucky, and Florida in a “hypocritically violent” home Being exposed to pornography at 10 years old How pornography became an escape for him The messages that he received from his church How his wife came to Christ The relationship between how much pornography and service Believing that he could not live up to a Christian life Going to an event at his wife's church The marriage class that became a safe space How his life changed as he was able to be vulnerable The spectrum of how the Church handles problems How to be the safe person for your community Great quotes from Sam: No one comes to the Father except through the Spirit. And the Spirit was doing a number on me. What part of James 5:16 do we not believe? What we need is a safe place with a safe process where it's okay to come as you are. Resources we mentioned: Sam's website The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong about Pornography and How to Fix It by Sam Black Covenant Eyes – Code for one month free: safeguard Strive Program Related episodes: Rob Lohman and Breaking Addiction Rose Ann Forte and Letting Go of Shame Christy Boulware and Love That Casts Out Fear The post Sam Black and The Journey of Freedom appeared first on Eric Nevins.

  Sam Black, author of The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About Pornography, and Director of Life Change Education at Covenant Eyes. Today, Sam shares how his life changed when he was first exposed to pornography, how it became a crutch for him, and why it’s so destructive. He explains the inner turmoil he […] The post Sam Black and The Journey of Freedom appeared first on Eric Nevins.

What if your church created a safe space to outgrow porn? Sam Black explains how porn recovery ministry leads to less work for pastors, more generous donors, more passionate volunteers, and a legacy of health for the next generation. Sam Black is the Director of Recovery Education at CovenantEyes. He has edited 16 books on the impact of pornography and authored two: The Porn Circuit and The Healing Church.Buy Sam's new book (this is a paid link):The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About Pornography And How To Fix It.Take the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy Thanks for listening!

Are you ready for sexual integrity? This week Sam Black joined Jim Ramos to discuss his book, The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About Pornography and How to Fix It. You'll walk away from this episode with a list of the resources you need to find your healing once and for all.

Discussing how we spent the summer, plus Covenant Eyes' Sam Black on the church's role in porn recovery, and how do you stop a panic attack?   Featured musical artist: Audio Adrenaline   Roundtable: Did You Have a Productive Summer?    Now that summer is coming to a close, it's time to take stock: What went well with this season of longer and supposedly carefree days, and what do you wish you'd done differently? Lisa and our guests started out with high hopes and open calendars, and now admit their share of both highlights and disappointments. If you wish your summer had gone differently (or you're discouraged heading into fall), we'll give a few ideas for redeeming the remaining days and staying hopeful for the months to come.    Leave us a Voicemail   Culture: Why Porn Addicts Need the Church   Sam Black is director of recovery education at Covenant Eyes, a trusted ministry designed to help people in their journey out of porn addiction. Sam shares his story and provides reasons and ways the church must (and can) be a safe place of recovery for addicts. Join us for this hopeful and practical conversation about the power of vulnerable community done right.   The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About Pornography and How to Fix It     Find the Victory App   Inbox: How to Stop a Panic Attack    Whenever our listener faces a stressor – whether it's money, work or relationships – he finds himself battling a full-blown panic attack. What can he do? Counselor Tim Sanford weighs in.

Today we're joined by Sam Black, director of life change education at Covenant Eyes and author of "The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong about Pornography and How to Fix It," to discuss the pervasive issue of pornography and its effects on the brain. We talk about how big a problem porn is and why it's an increasingly prevalent issue. Kids are being exposed to porn from younger and younger ages, which leads to serious issues later on in life including addiction, intimacy, and relationships. We cover how people can get stuck in a cycle of watching porn and how there are big consequences: damaged marriages and relationships and ruined sex lives. But there is hope! We share some ways to break the cycle and recover from dependency on porn and some steps to get help (not out of shame, but out of godly guilt). We also talk about how parents can address this issue with their kids and prevent potential serious issues with porn before they start. You can take steps to protect yourself and your family from porn by going to coveyes.com/ALLIE (free for 30 days). --- Today's Sponsors: Carly Jean Los Angeles — FOR 72 HOURS ONLY: use promo code ALLIE50 for 50% off denim! After 1/19, use promo code 'ALLIEB' to save 20% off your first order at CarlyJeanLosAngeles.com! Naturally It's Clean — visit https://naturallyitsclean.com/allie and use promo code "ALLIE" to receive 15% off your order. If you are an Amazon shopper you can visit https://amzn.to/3IyjFUJ. The promo code discount is only valid on their direct website at www.naturallyitsclean.com/Allie. Patriot Mobile — go to PatriotMobile.com/ALLIE or call 878-PATRIOT and use promo code 'ALLIE' to get free activation! Masterworks — investing in multi-million dollar art made easy & affordable for everyday investors. Go to Masterworks.art/ALLIE to skip the waitlist! --- Links: Covenant Eyes: "Brain Chemicals and Porn: How Porn Affects Your Brain" https://www.covenanteyes.com/2014/02/03/brain-chemicals-and-porn-addiction/ --- Relevant Episodes: Ep 717 | From Porn Star to Pastor | Guest: Joshua Broome https://apple.co/3XECZUm Ep 196 | Should Porn Be Banned? https://apple.co/3iIHZbQ Ep 498 | Exposing the Threat Porn Poses to Kids | Guest: Benjamin Nolot https://apple.co/3HbyFH6 --- Buy Allie's book, You're Not Enough (& That's Okay): Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self-Love: https://alliebethstuckey.com/book Relatable merchandise – use promo code 'ALLIE10' for a discount: https://shop.blazemedia.com/collections/allie-stuckey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices