A Thousand Tiny Steps

When I met Marty in high school, I didn't know it would lead to a decades long friendship, but here we are. We got together to discuss running at Boston College, the drama that came with it, what new sports Marty has discovered, and how our life has changed as we age.    Key Takeaways:   [0:43] How I met Marty: be beating her in a race  [4:18] A love hate relationship, what unified us, and how we went to college together   [12:09] The trauma so many of us runners shared  [19:27] Marti moved and started a company, but then got injured  [23:28] Becoming a competitive cyclist and reconnecting on social media  [29:48] Finding a home in Arizona and the biking community there  [39:21] Contemplating old age and the stage of my life  Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

My friend Tim, is an extraordinary person who advocated for himself to get a kidney transplant - from a pig. With the help from his wife Karen, he prepared himself for the transplant, recovered, and is now living a better quality life. Although it is only a gap until he can receive a human kidney, it has helped give him and others on dialysis hope.    Key Takeaways:   [1:15] Tim's kidney failure rapidly progressed [4:18] Tim put himself in the program to get a pig's kidney  [8:02] He wanted to quit dialysis, his recovery process, and what's changed [13:26] The anti-rejection meds have their ups and downs  [15:55] This transplant is just a bridge to a human kidney transplant  [17:26] Karen, Tim's wife's, experience going through this  [19:33] Having no social life and people not wanting to talk about death  [21:17] Watching friends die, but finding hope and more time to live  Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

I finally went to the Boston Marathon again, contemplated more deep feelings of grief, and saw some old friends from the running community. I think I'm finally ready to join the running community again and get involved in things. In this episode, I really want to hit home that you do what you need to do to get through grief.    Key Takeaways:   [2:45] Going to the Boston Marathon again  [4:32] Losing your child is not the same as losing your parent or pet  [6:01] Making changes, seeing Joanie again, and how running saved me [14:50] Not knowing your going to lose someone and my drug use  [19:58] The new fundraiser and memorial workout for Molly  [27:04] Do what you need to do in grief  Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

As we are upon 10 years without Molly, this anniversary hits especially hard. It makes me relive all the days surrounding it, what I was like, what happened, and the connections that I've found. In this episode, I go into what has changed over a decade and what still remains the same.   Key Takeaways:   [0:36] The doctors proving Molly was dead was horrific  [3:01] Going back to the Boston Marathon and not celebrating holidays  [6:01] Going further into my drug use and my guests  [9:57] Molly dying didn't change the same issues we had as a family  [14:36] Jack has always had a different version of the holidays  [17:34] Getting back to doing 100 burpees a day  [22:05] Battling my addiction to alcohol  [22:39] 20 years ago I met Kenny and 20 years later we would unplug Molly  [23:29] You don't realize what your last moments with somebody will be  [25:45] Having hope for the future  Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation 

Baylie's story is one of a night with friends gone wrong and how a series of choices lead to her death. From the police, to the hospital, to the investigation, to fighting to pull her off life support because she didn't want that was a rollercoaster. It was so much more traumatizing than it had to be. But it inspired Shawnee to start a foundation, advocate for college safety, having a will, and writing a book to make sure others know: this can happen to anyone.    Key Takeaways:   [1:48] Baylie going off to college as a pre-med student in neuroscience  [5:24] Going out with her sorority girls to have fun and switching to drinking water [6:48] Baylie wanted to leave early, got stood up, and things went wrong [12:23] She got hit by a car while we were thousands of miles away  [16:07] Her injuries, the coma, and the struggle to get the police to look into the crime [23:49] Universities don't have to be transparent and report deaths like this  [27:03] Transferred to another hospital - and the first hospital missed something major  [31:47] Fighting with the hospital to pull the plug and being left with severe depression [39:17] Creating the foundation and book about college safety and healthcare proxies [43:42] Partnering with a will company and an app to keep people safe in rideshares  [47:11] I wrote the book to make a point: this can happen to anyone  Resources:   Baylie's Wish Foundation Baylie's Book Trust and Will 3rd i  Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

Skyler's story is full of ups and downs from having a rocky childhood to getting pregnant while addicted to then finding sobriety with a husband that supports her. Through her journey she has posted on social media sharing her story, most recently of the last words she said to her mom and the things that will stick with her for a lifetime. Key Takeaways:   [1:48] My parents were addicts, being abused, and starting to use drugs  [8:28] Getting pregnant, trying not to relapse, and losing my child   [15:22] My child's father dying and finding out in the worst way  [25:53] Getting pregnant again and becoming sober [34:14] Not feeling judged by my husband and learning to communicate  [40:11] Child services keeps getting called and being big on social media  [50:57] My mom dying, saying the things I needed to say, and forgiving her  [59:24] Don't judge people because you don't know what they're going through Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

As I got into an argument with Gracie, it made me dive deeper into a topic that's not talked about enough: sibling grief. People often focus more on the parent's and not the child that has just lost the person they spent their formative years with. This can cause Gracie and I to have very different views and ways of grieving, but it has also opened my eyes on how to be more understanding.  Key Takeaways:   [2:30] Sibling vs parental grief  [5:07] Gracie lost her person in this world that she did everything with  [11:23] Our argument over the MollyB Gala and Gracie feeling like I care more for Molly [17:41] Gracie's grief is different than mine and changed her identity  [23:23] I'm trying to promote an event, but Gracie didn't see it that way  [26:27] People don't think as much about sibling grief  [29:31] Gracie feeling abandoned by us  [33:36] People take as long as they need to grieve  [36:12] How I can honor Gracie and what she needs  [41:21] I just want Molly back  Resources:   Heal Grief Little Rituals  Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

This week, I sat down with my sister Eleanor who had a very different upbringing than me considering our father was 82 when she was born. She talks about the judgements people have, having to work hard to forge connections in the family, and how she looks past ageism to come from a place of understanding.  Key Takeaways:   [2:58] My dad was 82 when I was born, but my childhood was normal  [10:46] Misconceptions people had about my dad being older  [18:15] Meeting people where they're at and having patience  [26:24] Family dynamics, finding out we're sisters, and an age gap [34:23] The generational gap and not having family close in age  [44:49] My upbringing doesn't weigh me down and filling a void  [49:09] Questioning who am I, teaching, and photography  [57:26] Feeling lonely in life and hey, life is just gonna happen  [1:04:09] Looking beyond ageism and how our experiences differed  Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

In this episode, I just ask for you to sit with me in grief of losing my child. My thoughts on the birth of all my children, what I love, what I miss, and why dates are so important to people who are grieving. I contemplate Jack's personality and the parts of both Molly and Gracie I can see in him.  Key Takeaways:   [1:37] Jack's birthday and my children's births  [4:53] Dates are important and I can't stop thinking of Molly  [8:00] Not wanting to go into labor so soon and Molly's birth  [15:28] What Jack is like and how we handle holidays [18:26] My next guests and my message in this  Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation 

Michelle and I sat down to have a conversation on her work with the nervous system, biofeedback, neurofeedback, traumatic responses, and addressing the root of a problem. She takes on work that's not traditional in a therapist's office, but is so needed because of the mind/body connection.  Key Takeaways:   [3:15] Michelle is a complementary therapist and looking at the nervous system  [10:34] Teaching the next generation, trusting them, and rolling with the changes  [18:41] What neurofeedback is and traumatic responses  [33:27] Learning from a situation and young people's relationship to technology  [47:08] Not projecting my belief system, but addressing the root of the problem  [59:18] A big part of Michelle's work is doing seminars and having the non-profit  Resources:   Hidden Brain Dynamic Balance The Benefit of Balance Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation 

When Amy's best friend's parents were murdered she suddenly didn't just have a brother, but three new siblings who needed a lot of help after the trauma. That left Amy in limbo with her family dynamics and not feeling like she had a place. It shaped her identity as she went on to become a therapist. Key Takeaways:   [2:33] Amy's friends parent was murdered and suddenly they were all living with her  [7:48] College was a huge adjustment, I thought I knew what I wanted, but hated it [11:44] Moving to Wisconsin, the cold sucking out Amy's soul, and doing home therapy   [16:25] How Amy's background helps her - help others [17:51] Why Amy's wedding got pushed back (spoiler alert: hi, it's me) [24:34] Making another major life change by moving to Florida from Wisconsin  [26:49] Pregnancy gone wrong and how she advanced in her job [33:33] People just want to feel validated  [37:25] The stigma of having bipolar disorder  [45:33] What can trigger bipolar disorder is interesting  Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

I got to talk with Emily, a former runner of mine who was a highliner, dealt with Lyme Disease, chatted about how the cycle of trauma can continue, and the life that she's living now. A nomadic one with more freedom to run her own business and take of her own life.  Key Takeaways:   [2:33] How Emily got into highlining  [12:09] Dealing with Lyme disease  [20:37] Splitting up from her husband  [25:11] Generational trauma  [35:23] Getting an RV, living a nomadic lifestyle, and a jewelry business  Resources:   Emily's Jewelry  Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

In this episode, I talk about my season of guests, how the podcast has changed, and debating what will happen in the future with the podcast. I have some amazing guests lined up who are all in some way connected to me.  Key Takeaways:   [3:28] My first season was about Jack and the second was about Molly [4:21] My third season about trauma and the fourth season was about being a mom  [6:17] Season 5 and 6 in high school and the next were about chaos  [9:43] Sharing the journey of 3 amazing women who have gone through trauma  [15:00] Talking to the dance kids connected to Molly [16:34] Having a few episodes with my Boston University trackmates  [23:13] Getting anxious about not progressing and thinking about next steps  Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

Filing a lawsuit came with its trials and tribulations, but it also came with a check: dead Molly money. It has taken me so much time to process Molly's death and put together a foundation. I have finally decided it's time to really make the foundation into something, instead of just giving money away because doing so will help the true spirit of Molly.  Key Takeaways:   [1:45] Having to be quiet from the pain of settling lawsuits  [7:40] The Dead Molly Money blog post  [12:27] The amount of money I've given away and what the event will be like  [15:01] The Spirit of MollyB Award and what it means  [18:05] It's become easier with me to deal with the money in a way that really helps  [22:01] Come to the event! Resources:    The MollyB Extravaganza  Dead Molly Money Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

This week, I sat down with my friend Jenn, a teacher who has helped create a thrift store and a period program for students. The Red Dot Program helps people have access to all types of period products and clothing without having to go to the nurse or make a big announcement.  Key Takeaways:   [2:56] What the Red Dot Program is and Jenn's first period  [7:22] Periods are not taken as seriously as other health issues  [8:54] What products are in the lockers as well as clothing  [13:06] The pushback the program has experienced and giving education [21:05] Jenn's support and struggles with a period at a young age  [25:26] Period underwear is too expensive  [27:23] Homeless students dealing with their period  [29:00] How to give items and donate  [32:27] How the programs been perceived  Resources:    Crimson Closet  Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

I'm just angry. I don't know if I'll ever stop feeling angry when it comes to certain trauma, but I'm learning new ways to mitigate it. In this episode, I dig into what people think anger is, how I'm mad at myself, and why it's okay to be angry, but what really matters is how you express it. Key Takeaways:   [2:07] I make plans, they don't go my way, I know they won't, and then I get angry  [5:34] I'm mad at myself and the universe and people think grief is inappropriate  [16:50] Anger is a natural emotion, it's sinful, an exaggeration of events  [19:14] Fear, powerlessness, and self protection are under the surface of anger   [20:43] The danger of not releasing your anger and Molly's emotions [24:55] Men are quick to blame others for anger and how you view anger  [30:02] How Jack views my anger, generational trauma, and how anger is expressed [39:23] Mad at myself for not achieving my goals, types of stress, and looping behavior  [45:58] Social media is making people angry [52:27] Is it okay to be angry? Simplifying your life  [57:19] Self blame, mindfulness, and clutching on tightly  [1:01:18] Learning from my anger  Resources:    Health Resource Network The Subtext of Anger  Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

Period poverty and the stigma surrounding getting products, learning how to use them, and having them on you is an uphill battle. People miss school, sports events, and other important life activities all because they might not be able to afford period products or are too ashamed to ask for free ones.  Key Takeaways:   [2:07] The pop culture movies that shaped how many women feel about periods  [9:54] Social stigma around not knowing how to use products or having a period  [14:43] The marathon runner that bled while winning  [16:23] Not having access to quality products, missing school, and the reality of prisons  [22:23] India and Kenya's unique culture problems surrounding periods and solutions  [31:13] Decreased sports participation and taking pain seriously [35:03] Experience teaching health, having boys take ownership, and my past athletes  [42:55] Women with the worst outcomes medically and a transmans experience  [47:59] Free period products in schools and how women are seen as gross  [53:20] People shouldn't be embarrassed to talk about their periods  Resources:    A Bloody Mess About Bloody Time Below the Belt  Period. End of Sentence.  Pandora's Box  Pad Man Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation 

When you hear the word period, what word comes to mind? Probably not something happy or optimistic. It's most likely something rooted in misogyny or self-hatred. There is still so much stigma surrounding periods today and how they are seen as something gross. They are seen as something to be hidden.  Key Takeaways:   [5:49] Starting my period and how people feel about them when they hear the word [9:15] Being shamed for my period and my worst experiences  [16:40] Period pain is dismissed and how it's celebrated but also minimized  [19:20] How periods are seen in different cultures  [23:55] How a Disney movie talked about periods, the taboos, and culture clashes  [28:19] The issue with gender neutral bathrooms and getting time off for your period [29:49] Teaching health, consent, bleeding everywhere, and mixed emotions [35:58] Future episodes on periods  Resources:    Turning Red Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

Birth control is big business and they will do anything to make a profit, even if it means putting people's lives at risk. I looked into the historical and political aspects of the pill as well as the most dangerous ones. In the episode, I reveal the lies told to women about birth control and how it should all fall on us.  Key Takeaways:   [2:01] My period and experience with birth control  [9:57] How the short term pill was involved in politics  [11:38] Margaret Sanger was considered a hero - until she was not  [12:30] Blood clots on the pill, deaths, and men don't want to be involved  [16:20] The benefits of tracking your period  [17:57] The pill can mask the true symptoms  [22:49] The NuvaRing, the Yaz, IUDs, and fighting with Congress  [25:54] Racism in medicine and the forcing of birth control [28:36] Pregnancy is safer than the pill   [29:30] Doctors don't communicate and the need for more education  [34:18] The pill is not medically necessary in any case and AIDS is worse than a baby  [35:20] The responsibility can't just continue to fall to women  Resources:    The Business of Birth Control Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

I went to Bali for a month and it was the most unexpected experience. I saw the juxtaposition of wealth and poverty as well as pollution. But I also saw a culture of respect, beauty, and it opened up conversations in ways I could never talk about here. It helped me finalize my plans for the new year.  Key Takeaways:    [2:22] Expats in Bali  [3:52] Seeing poverty next to wealth  [7:05] Doing Boundless Life, the good and the bad  [10:09] Indonesian history, culture of gratitude, and religion [13:51] Respecting others choices  [16:48] Bali is so polluted, limited drinking water, and traffic  [19:47] The ocean, the gentrification, and seeing Jack experience it  [22:20] Getting terribly sick, Balinese coffee, and the culture of family in Bali  [27:12] Politics, open conversations, stereotypes, and the day of silence   [29:40] My thoughts on Bali  [30:51] Thoughts for the new year      Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

I watched a movie that went through how IVF was invented and it made me reflect on my IVF journey as well. But just because the science in the movie was real, does not mean anything else was. All the relationships, drama, and other mini storylines were made up to make - a good story.  Key Takeaways:    [2:15] My IVF journey  [7:50] Often in religion women are seen as less than if they can't have kids naturally  [9:07] Stress does not cause infertility or cause cancer  [9:51] IVF increases your risk of having multiples  [11:53] Joy, the movie about the birth of IVF  [14:29] The movie is mainly about Jean, religion, and her relationships  [17:24] 1969, the first extraction attempt and people saying it as horrifying [19:06] Jean's thoughts on abortion - were they true?  [21:28] They kept trying, but had ectopic pregnancies, Jean's mom died, and she leaves [24:28] They came back together to finish the science  [30:10] Even after the success, they had to fight to get Jean's name on the plaque [32:03] All the relationship stuff in the movie was fake  Resources:   Joy     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

Wow, the amount of movies that take someone's life and completely misrepresent it? Too many to count. It hurts the lives of the people who the movie was made about, but also anyone that is like them. Because if they believe the story, they get false ideas in their head.  Key Takeaways:    [3:05] The Pocahontas movie was a downright lie  [7:13] The I, Tonya movie was exaggerated  [11:33] A Beautiful Mind left out abuse and misportrayed mental illness [12:58] Erin Brockovich was oversexualized [14:47] None of the characters actually existed in Newsies  [16:04] Amadeus painted Mozart as a crazy man  [18:33] Sully was a real event, but it was overdramatized to get viewers  [20:45] The Greatest Showman - not so great himself, more like abusive  [23:32] Remember the Titans is not how desegregation went down at all  [26:58] The movie, Rudy, misrepresented the actual person  [28:39] The Blind side made Michael look dumb, when he really just needed some help  [31:53] Homeless to Harvard - spoiler alert she didn't graduate from Harvard [35:36] How we choose to tell a story and what we believe  Resources:   Pocahontas I, Tonya  A Beautiful Mind Erin Brockovich Newsies Amadeus Sully The Greatest Showman   Remember the Titans Rudy The Blind Side Homeless to Harvard     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

As Christmas is upon us, I decided to dig up some lies on it, along with some of my childhood memories and how Christmas has differed for my kids. The biggest lie of all? When Jesus's birthday occurs and what actually went down. I suppose it shall just remain another mystery. Happy Holidays.  Key Takeaways:    [3:05] My best Christmas time memory as a child  [6:32] Finding out Santa wasn't real and Christmas magic  [8:19] December 25th is not Jesus's birthday  [14:50] The tallest tree, candy canes, the movies, and Black Friday [17:24] Trees take 15 years to grow, Rudolph, and Christmas was illegal [19:48] Miracle on 34th Street, lit candles in the tree, and Christmas is not romantic [22:18] Injuries, ugly sweater parties, the Grinch, and Santa Claus school [25:10] What Xmas stands for, eggnog, singing, and mistletoe [28:19] The story of Jesus's birth is not accurate  Resources:   Miracle on 34th Street     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

I watched a movie on how Americans shop and consume, consume, consume. It was terrifying. It was even worse to see the devastating impacts it had on other countries and how quickly people will buy something new if it stops working.  Key Takeaways:    [4:57] How online shopping changed things  [6:40] Just one click has made it easy to buy more things  [8:34] Sell more by making an emotional connection [13:15] People buy too many things and it has to go somewhere  [15:21] Making products not last long on purpose  [23:56] Recycling is a lie and other countries are suffering from it [28:27] These companies hide the terrible things they're doing  [32:04] Big companies keep trying to control people  [35:06] Clickbait and how the movie made this point  [38:11] What you can do to buy less Resources:   Buy Now The Social Network Painkiller     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

The fitness and health industry thrives on lies upon lies. From saying that you'll lose 30 pounds in 30 days to saying that weightlifting is dangerous as a woman. So many of these ideas shaped the younger me and I want women to know the truth about what they can do to live a fit life.  Key Takeaways:    [4:57] Strength training makes you bulky  [6:40] Cardio training burns fat and you have to sweat  [7:30] Working out everyday is the only way  [11:35] Your health is defined by your weight  [12:32] Exercise is hard and never fun  [14:20] 30 day fitness challenges will change your life  [15:51] Fat and carbs are bad  [18:45] Calories in, calories out mindset, eating less doesn't mean you lose weight [20:07] Sweat equals a good workout and more fat burned  [20:48] Clickbait, take this supplement, and lose 30 pounds in 30 days  [22:11] Targeted fat loss is possible  [23:40] Taking supplements and diet pills will make everything better  [25:00] Intermittent fasting will make a huge difference  [25:42] Packaged healthy foods are better for you  [27:02] Women should not train like men  [29:51] Low intensity cardio won't help you lose fat  [30:39] You should stretch before you work out  [31:45] Treadmills are better for your knees and muscle turns into fat [32:59] The lies that are hard not to believe  [35:47] Weightlifting is bad for older people especially for women  [37:49] Deep squats are bad for you  [39:34] Weights and cardio should never be done on the same day  [40:42] Spot training will help you and so will detoxes  [42:45] There's no one way to workout  [43:52] High intensity training is the best for fat loss  [45:27] CrossFit is all about competition  [46:49] CrossFit isn't good for older people  [49:07] Trying new things is what CrossFit is all about  [48:58] What do you think is true in fitness?  Resources:   Yes Fit Sasquatch Strength Southside Barbell  Lunge Ladies Redefining Strength     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

As I go into the holidays and my 9th year grieving, here are some lies surrounding grief that I never stop hearing. Some of them just piss me off and some of them I understand better as I'm farther along. Either way, the important part is that you can grieve how you want to, it's not going to be linear, and take your time.  Key Takeaways:    [3:08] Grief can be temporary or forever  [5:21] Christmas plans [8:08] Time does not heal all wounds [10:35] I'm never going to be over it [11:42] I'm not going to stop talking about Molly [13:42] Being told I could have prevented her death  [15:30] Ignoring grief doesn't make it go away  [18:30] Just because you grieve doesn't make you a whiner  [22:18] God, death, and prayers  [24:21] Grief is not liner, you can't hide from it, but it can also be beautiful  [27:34] The trajectory of grief plus, I don't need to be told God needed Molly more [31:59] Is grief easier for religious people? Do support groups make you sicker? [34:22] There's no right way to grieve and it doesn't need to be controlled  [38:50] Grief being an obstacle and how religion treats it  [44:02] Don't avoid your pain, move along with it, and not dwelling on self pity [46:49] Doing drugs and alcohol to cope with death  [48:58] People forget the ones who die, but we can't resent friends [50:36] Take your time to grieve and what's left of Molly in Gracie's room Resources:   Kevin Thompson Just Playing House BeliefNet Substance Church Tides Program     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

The school lunch program in this country is not healthy and creates a divide between the rich and poor. The amount of rules and regulations make it difficult to operate and none of these kids are getting something that is actually fresh and nutritious.  Key Takeaways:    [3:20] How the school lunch program works  [6:52] Schools buy lunches and the different menus for the wealthy and poor [9:14] School lunch used to be fresh and healthy  [13:51] How much money these awful companies make  [14:47] So many kids can't digest the milk given  [16:45] Cafeteria workers are not awful and not everyone gets the same food [19:03] Schools have reduced lunch time and eliminated recess  [23:40] America doesn't take into account cultural diversity  [25:04] Lying to kids and not making them healthy  [26:50] Criticism for hating on the FDA and having a choice with food  [32:13] The good happening  [33:39] My food experience, what's yours like?  Resources:   Leftover Podcast     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

The food industry is full of lies because of greedy people that set out to make a lot of money and it's costing Americans something even greater - their health. From lies about how great low fat is, to how fulfilling a bowl of Fruit Loops are, to how milk will make you healthy, the list of lies never stops growing.  Key Takeaways:    [0:43] Eating whole foods makes my body feel better  [2:54] Breastmilk, different diets, and religion [5:47] I was made to clean my plate, my diet was not good in college [7:41] Humans once lived off the land and their diets are different  [13:23] Many people of color are lactose intolerant and the school lunch program [17:54] The food industry lies about what's healthy like Froot Loops and milk  [20:14] The safest food is around the perimeter of the store? C. diff and E. coli   [24:59] Low fat foods are good for you, but really they just put a lot of sugar in [26:27] Your arteries clog because of sugar not fat  [27:53] The food pyramid was influenced by lobbyists  [37:38] Different diets work for different people  [33:22] What's happening in my life Resources:   The Food Pyramid Old Fruit Loops Ad Old Got Milk Commercial     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

I'm having a not great week and it got me into the lies I constantly tell myself to feel better. The lies around grief, around my life changing, around my business working, around Kenny, and how I have a functioning life. In this episode, I also dive into the different types of grief and the lies that surround it.  Key Takeaways:    [1:45] I was always telling myself a story  [3:29] Going to self blame  [8:49] My relationship with Kenny  [12:42] I spend a lot of my life doing things I don't want to do [17:21] Making sure Jack's life is not a carbon copy of Gracie or Molly's [18:53] Lies around grief  [21:59] My life has never been a normal, enjoyable family life  [25:25] The biggest lies I tell myself  [32:23] What am I doing with my life?  [34:07] Complex grief, delayed grief, exaggerated grief, and masked grief  [37:38] Self blame and self punishment  Resources:   The Silence of Great Distance  Fast Girl: A Life Spent Running From Madness      Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

My dad died and it made me think about his life and actions. The lies that he was told as a man that he had to uphold in society and how that made him treat people. It makes me wonder if much has changed, but him being dead has also given me a sense of peace because of the abuse.  Key Takeaways:    [2:54] My dad looked like he had a normal childhood, but was neglected emotionally  [7:29] My dad thought he was unloveable and had to be better than my mom [8:30] My dad had immense pressure to be a great athlete  [13:41] Has any of the stereotyping really changed?  [14:48] Girls play hard to get, you need to push, and real men don't cry [17:34] Dancing is gay, men only want sex, and girls can do anything boys can do [19:50] Men in leadership and having a specific path laid out for you in life  [21:41] Men must be independent, wealthy, not express emotion, and be athletic  [25:32] Lying comes from a place of fear and wanting to fit in  [28:46] Life, death, and mortality  Resources:   Article on things men are told     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

Women are told so many lies around their bodies, sex, and social rules. From being told they're unclean to being told that they can just turn their period off, sometimes men just really have no idea. In this episode, I dive into some of the wildest lies women are told versus what men hear and how that impacts their growth.  Key Takeaways:    [5:41] Growing up in the 60s and how I was treated differently as a girl [13:25] My asthma and the sexist thing the doctor said to me [16:49] Internally lying to myself about being disgusting  [17:53] The NCAA didn't always give scholarships out to women  [19:44] Lies surrounding periods and being unclean [25:55] Testosterone is also naturally in women  [27:02] Women's health is complex with illness  [29:01] You can't tell who's a virgin or how drugs mix [31:00] Menopause lowering your libido and you can't get pregnant on your period [32:56] You can't hold your period in and you can't turn off getting pregnant [37:38] Hair, genetics, birthing positions, breasting feeding, and morning sickness [41:18] Period syncing, heavy periods, and women being considered incomplete boys [44:41] Men having orgasms, HPV, girls wanting to be skinnier, and the rules of sex [50:18] Appearing stupid to get guys, if a boy bullies you he likes you, and being a lady [51:57] BMI is fake, being called bossy, and being described as demure in athletics  [55:29] Spinsters and not wanting boyfriends to see them without makeup [57:38] Revealing clothing means you wanted it and two wrongs don't make a right [01:01] Having honest conversations and lies to perpetuate a reality [01:03] Being told to be quiet, speaking up, and having tough conversations Resources:   All In Her Head book     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

There are many lies we are told in school with the most major ones being that Native Americans broke bread with pilgrims, that the food pyramid was healthy, and that racism ceased to exist because slavery was abolished. In this episode, I dive into the lies I was told, how that shaped my worldview, and how I changed it.  Key Takeaways:    [2:17] You'll need algebra in real life they say  [3:36] Public education is supposed to level the playing field  [5:36] The hidden curriculum  [11:53] Implicit bias  [13:22] The lies about the Native Americans and Christopher Colombus  [19:04] Not being on time or getting a degree makes you a bad employee  [21:09] Teaching evolution vs Adam and Eve [24:36] Perspectives and how much textbook companies control information [27:11] Christopher Colombus, Native Americans, and racism [33:57] The tea behind the Boston Tea Party [35:18] The Food Pyramid poisoned people  [37:50] Learning styles are fake  [39:56] DARE program and alcohol culture  [41:02] STDs, abstinence education and AIDS  [43:57] The Civil War being about states rights or slavery [47:29] Boarding schools for Native Americans  [49:22] Seeing history from others perspectives and how questions are perceived   Resources:   Hidden Figures Lessons in Chemistry  The Biggest Lies  Lies My Teacher Told Me Dances of Wolves      Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

Is it true or is it just your perspective? People are told lives throughout their childhood and often go on to tell the same lies to their children. It's a vicious cycle, but everyone sees truth in a different manner based on their life experiences.  Key Takeaways:    [3:34] Summary of the 12 steps  [8:19] What are the lies you told your kids or other people?  [18:11] I was a secret keeper as a child  [24:24] Why people lie  [29:59] How people see things differently  [33:42] Everyone has their own truth [35:06] Living in the world of white men [38:08] What's the next for the podcast Resources:   Whose Story Is This?     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

This is a new season all about lies: lies we were told, lies we tell, the morality of it all, and how perception can make a large difference between a lie and the truth. In this episode, I dive into the often silly lies that people were told as children like Santa Claus or that they're pet “went to a farm” and how that impacts others. Key Takeaways:    [0:46] Why I'm done with last season  [9:42] What lying and the truth by definition are  [12:31] Reasons why people lie  [24:27] The funny lies that people were told as children  [43:34] Share the lies you were told as children Resources:   Life Shifts      Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

In the additional step of 13 in AA it talks about if God exists, why do bad things still happen and how he has suffered as much as us. I also see how through my suffering I was able to find great support with my angel moms, even though others have condemned me.    Key Takeaways:    [2:04] Step thirteen of AA  [3:32] If God exists then why do bad things happen? [5:00] God suffered just like the people around them  [6:41] God doesn't just fix everything  [12:16] Why doesn't God sustain what was created? [14:10] Finding connection amongst people [18:33] I don't think Molly needed to die for me to learn to love [19:57] Suffering is apart of life, but you can't let it consume you [23:51] Passing over: getting through life's crap  [27:52] Losing my child united me with so many others [28:25] I hate getting advice from people who haven't lost a child [29:46] Times I have struggled, but found my north star  [30:29] Times I felt judged and condemned  [31:57] We have to look at our suffering and see it in a healthier way Resources:   Breathing Underwater     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

In step twelve, it's time to pass on my teachings to others to help them in recovery. It is about living AA as a lifestyle, going through the steps again and again, while sharing wisdom and expecting nothing in return. In this episode, I dive into where addiction can stem from and contemplate taking the path that I fear in life.    Key Takeaways:    [2:26] Step twelve of AA  [6:10] Kenny, household chores, and childcare frustrate me  [12:03] You do the 12 steps several times, it's a way of life  [14:23] You need to share the information you learned from AA and live it [21:16] You don't promote AA, it's anonymous  [24:48] If all you do is inhale and not exhale, you're not helping others  [28:00] Lecturing, demanding, and promoting don't work in AA  [31:54] Being free from religious indoctrination  [34:05] Alcoholism and drug abuse isn't a morale failure  [35:44] I've given up on love, I have all that I need now  [38:09] Addiction stems from a lack of love and intimacy  [42:02] We all worship false gods  [43:15] Taking the path that you feel is scary  [45:21] Sharing wisdom with no expectation of another person's change [46:35] My experience is not about telling other people what to do [48:55] I appreciate the good experiences, so I can manage the bad  [50:15] I have pulled back from people since Molly's death [53:05] You can now officially breathe and getting back to AA meetings  [55:14] Tradition twelve  Resources:   Breathing Underwater     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

Step eleven of AA is not about praying for anything to be fixed, it's about praying for self knowledge and the qualities we need to execute that knowledge. It's about perhaps changing the way we pray, how we view God's will, and just taking the time to contemplate your life even if you don't believe in God.    Key Takeaways:    [3:52] Step eleven of AA  [7:56] A calculating mind vs a contemplative mind  [9:04] The five big human issues [11:46] Going to church as a child and Western bias  [15:24] Praying not for an internal desire, but as an order from religion  [18:53] Letting go of what I think is right and what I think I need to do [19:48] Who is doing the praying? How are you praying?  [21:17] I have to stop being an ‘all or nothing' thinker  [22:44] Prayer requires you to see your inner self and stop battling it so much [27:31] There's no preaching that every person needs AA  [30:46] Finding something bigger than yourself and contemplating  [34:35] Why I changed the way I pray  [36:36] Praying didn't get me what I want  [38:32] My favorite Baha'i prayer  [42:33] My understanding of God has changed  [44:06] You can't say what God's will is   [47:24] Traditions nine, ten, and eleven  Resources:   Breathing Underwater     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

In step ten of AA it's all about taking a personal inventory and admitting when you're wrong about things. It is about being aware of your choices, analyzing them, and trying to reconnect with yourself. In this episode, I explore the negative connotations I have with certain words and myself.    Key Takeaways:    [2:21] Step ten of AA  [4:26] An examination of consciousness and stepping back from myself  [12:03] Being aware and praying for detachment  [13:40] Instead of trying to save your soul, teach it to communicate  [15:00] Trusting your instinct and the Holy Spirit  [19:41] Needing to reconnect and being a child of God [21:44] Making a personal inventory and analyzing emotions  [27:13] Consumerism is addiction  [28:25] I have negative feelings about the word obey  [29:57] Becoming devoted to the idea of life after death  [31:02] I have a negative connotation with myself for a lot of things  [32:43] I don't see myself as a child of God most of the time  [33:39] I'm quick to admit I'm wrong, even if I'm not  [36:53] Trying to find a morning routine  Resources:   Breathing Underwater     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

Step nine is all about the act of making amends and a list to go alongside it. It's made me consider what truth really means, how context plays a part, and how communication can be ruptured if not done correctly.    Key Takeaways:    [2:50] Step nine of AA  [5:37] Defining wisdom  [8:31] Making amends  [11:12] The different levels of truth, context, and meaning  [17:58] Sincere people can still make rash judgements  [19:12] COVID disrupted proper communication  [22:14] Having my apology rejected, waiting for the right time  [25:49] The mentors I've had in life  [29:51] Gossiping and saturated social media  [33:31] Respecting people's privacy while still telling my truth  [36:56] Making my amends list  Resources:   Breathing Underwater     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

Step eight of AA is all about making a list of people I've hurt and finding ways to make amends with them. The difficulty is that making amends with people looks different for every person I hurt. This is a process that can take months or years and may not give you the results you want, but it's part of the process.    Key Takeaways:    [2:31] Step eight of AA  [4:46] Making amends with people is different than just apologizing [7:06] Some of the people I've made amends to  [8:10] You can't skip over the basics when you're doing something complex [10:57] What if a bond is unrepairable or an amend impossible to make?  [13:01] AA works because people show up years and years after becoming sober [15:13] I think Kenny is too forgiving  [16:13] What non violent communication is all about  [19:55] The addict has to work on themselves [22:13] Liberal vs conservative thinking, horizontal and vertical thinking [25:52] You can't just make an apology to make yourself feel better  [30:07] How I make amends  [32:22] I've been hurt and people haven't apologized  [33:24] Listening to both sides of peoples experiences  [34:26] I'm great at self blame  [35:50] I hold onto anger from being lied to  [36:28] It's not easier for me to forgive anybody  [37:27] This step can take months to do  [39:37] Traditions seven and eight  Resources:   Breathing Underwater     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

Step seven has taught me a lot about putting my ego aside, living in gratitude, and focusing on the good in life instead of all the bad. It has shown me that even if you don't drink alcohol anymore, you still have to change your mindset, otherwise have you truly changed?    Key Takeaways:    [1:56] Why I've been frustrated  [3:16] Step seven of AA [7:21] Are we supposed to talk God into things?  [10:05] The death of a relationship and entitlement  [13:36] Putting your ego aside and being open  [17:34] Being admonished for praying for certain things  [20:10] You give up alcohol, but don't change your mindset  [24:30] Life is a gift and living every day in gratitude  [26:54] The answers are right in front of you, but you often don't see it [30:06] I consider prayer as a conversation with God [31:32] My entitlement from not feeling recognized  [33:55] My prayers haven't been answered  [35:36] I'm constantly changing my schedule to accommodate others  [39:21] I've been angry for years and not following through [40:58] I have been finding more gratitude in my life  [42:41] What I desire in life  [43:47] Focus on what's going right, not wrong [46:14] I'm trying to build structure for myself  [47:26] Sign up for my newsletter which connects to the podcast Resources:   Breathing Underwater     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

As I take a breather in between steps I realize that I don't have to worry so much when things don't go to plan. That I can view my life in gratitude and not an obligation that drags me down. In this episode, I go through everything I've learned through the steps.    Key Takeaways:    [1:10] The one lesson I've learned  [1:48] I can't control everything and having gratitude  [5:24] Going through the steps  [8:29] I've reconnected with music and I'm trying with scripture [12:56] Trying to fix things stems from an abusive background  [16:28] I had to rearrange my entire day, but I'm not worrying about it [19:40] Service in gratitude, not obligation  Resources:   Breathing Underwater     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

In this week's episode, I take a dive into step six: acknowledgement, taking responsibility, surrendering, and letting go of your ego. It made me think of my flaws, how I over apologize, and how I need to let my flaws flow through me.   Key Takeaways:    [3:53] Step six of AA  [8:19] I always want to try to fix things  [10:45] Grace or responsibility: which comes first? [14:27] Every day is a new day to rise and self punishment  [16:35] Accountability and giving it over to god  [21:41] All or nothing thinking  [23:43] Step six is about acknowledgement  [25:36] Having panic about not fixing things  [30:21] You need to put in work to transform as a person  [33:10] Letting go of your ego and deficits of character  [36:09] You have to both surrender and take responsibility  [39:27] I own my mistakes, but I lack self worth and have trouble giving over control [42:19] I don't wait I jump into things  [43:47] I'm trying to float in the beautiful stream that is my flaws  [45:32] Living in a spirit of gratitude and how I do prayers    Resources:   Breathing Underwater     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

This week I face my past actions, the friends that have stood by me, and the differences in religion. I look at retributive vs restorative justice and which one can help people that are struggling, as well as how my religion doesn't support confession.    Key Takeaways:    [1:10] Step five feels like confession  [5:11] Retributive vs restorative justice  [13:26] Trying to change yourself to heal yourself doesn't work well  [18:13] Peer accountability and personal responsibility  [21:27] Forgiving myself and others  [24:03] The personal failure that I find hard to acknowledge  [26:38] The people that love me in spite of my actions  [30:54] My religion doesn't support confession [33:23] I had a skewed perspective on forgiveness and acceptance  [34:50] The people I talk to my issues in life to   Resources:   Breathing Underwater     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

This episode caused me to look at my moral inventory, what I carry with me, and what I'm learning to let go. It's made me question my childhood and how that impacts my life today as well as using failure in my life as an excuse not to move forward with things.    Key Takeaways:    [4:02] Nothing annoys me more than people believing lies about me  [6:54] Step four of AA   [12:14] Life begins with transgression  [17:20] Acknowledging that you've made mistakes in life  [22:51] Shadow boxing: fighting an invisible opponent and living in denial [32:15] This is what step four is all about  [33:30] Praying for patience again and again [36:49] My fear of being honest with myself  [38:36] Using weakness and failure in my life as an excuse not to move forward [40:36] Focusing less on sin and more on wisdom of the struggle  [42:32] I get defensive when I feel I've been wronged  [44:17] Not being able to admit my inner failure at first  [46:27] Always looking for an escape in my life  [49:14] I blame my lack of success on Kenny  [50:12] How my childhood impacts how I treat people [53:54] Making myself less afraid of admitting weakness   Resources:   Breathing Underwater     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

Step three of AA had me delving into my need for control, resisting change, codependency, and trying to find gratitude when I find that difficult. In this episode, I dive into the third step and what renouncing yourself, giving yourself over to god, and love can do in your life.     Key Takeaways:    [5:06] Step three of AA [10:21] Accepting all your losses, resisting change, and trying to stay in control  [18:35] Renouncing myself for attention and validation  [22:10] The things people seek love for  [24:32] Being codependent  [27:49] Doing good deeds because you want to  [30:04] False sacrifice and holding onto control  [35:04] Trying to find gratitude and religion being based on following rules [38:48] Being radically accepted for nothing  [41:10] Surrendering is a negative concept to me [42:32] Accepting our past and our mistakes [46:59] Renouncing yourself and giving yourself to god  [50:47] Working on self forgiveness  [51:33] True and unconditional love  Resources:   Breathing Underwater     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

In step two of AA it's all about opening my heart, mind, and body. It's a tough journey to accomplish though and it makes me look at points in my life where I made choices I didn't feel great about, but also choices to forgive others. In this episode, I look how the mind, body, and heart are connected.     Key Takeaways:    [2:07] Step two of AA  [5:00] Opening our hearts, minds, and bodies  [8:47] Opening of the mind  [12:56] Opening of the heart [21:47] Opening of the body  [32:19] Spirituality and connecting with a higher power [34:03] Points in my life where I asked for help  [35:47] I feel like my decisions are wrong  [36:51] Keeping space in my heart open, forgiving my father [38:23] The people that helped me in tough times  Resources:   Breathing Underwater     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

To kick off the theme of season 9, I'm talking about Alcoholics Anonymous and my struggle with addiction. I discuss what AA is like, what I learned, how I feel powerless, and how I'm trying to improve my life.     Key Takeaways:    [4:56] Still struggling to get where I want to go  [7:52] My time in AA and the most significant thing I learned [11:36] My moment of feeling powerless  [12:23] Step one of AA [13:52] The poem that spoke to me about powerlessness [17:35] Having to be honest in AA [20:26] The ego is selfish, but is it sin?  [29:41] I've felt powerless through my abuse and being a woman  [38:00] I've never felt like God was absent in my life  [44:07] I'm doing things, but I need to get more comfortable asking for help [47:04] I try to control things in my life which can cause trouble  [51:55] I don't like change, trying to change my life and struggling  [55:34] If people have community around them, they're less likely to be addicted [59:01] What I'm doing to improve my life Resources:   Breathing Underwater     Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

Rewatching The Notebook brought back so many connections to my own life. It made me think about losing Molly, the mistakes I've made, how it's different raising Jack, the choices I'm making for him, and really just being at a turning point in my life deciding what to do next.    Key Takeaways:    [6:39] What the movie The Notebook is about  [11:20] The end of a friendship and connections to Molly [14:38] More of the plot [16:48] Being reminded of all my mistakes and second guessing myself  [20:08] The end of the movie, losing a child, and letting go [23:29] Being at a turning point in my life Resources:   The Notebook The Teenage Liberation Handbook   Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

Menopause is seen differently in America versus other cultures. Society here sees it in a negative light, but there is so much more to the story. My own experience with taking estrogen has made my life better and I've noticed a huge difference.    Key Takeaways:    [1:02] Menopause is seen as a negative medicalized reality  [1:56] What menopause is and how society sees it  [8:12] In other cultures menopause is not seen as a negative  [15:11] Hormone imbalances and being premenopausal  [17:59] Intergenerational relationships are not as valued anymore [20:46] I basically lost my period after Molly died  [23:16] Taking estrogen helped me feel better [28:27] What estrogen decline does  [32:51] How estrogen helped me [37:59] How estrogen affects the body physically [39:55] The changes I've noticed from estrogen  [42:54] I would love to hear from other menopausal women Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation  

After a post was made for pride month, I had a reaction - and I ended up deleting my comments. It was a learning experience that taught me patience and where to best put my words. In this episode, I dive into the meaning words have especially in the age of social media.   Key Takeaways:    [3:00] The post surrounding pride month that bothered me  [9:14] Commenting on the posts and then deleting them  [13:36] Changing the words in a spiritual song and people getting angry [15:58] I have the right to be affected, but not post about it  [21:38] The time period I refrained from gossiping  [25:33] My communication style and not being able to take words back [30:07] May was a hard month for me and I've struggled with anger Connect with Barb:   Website   Facebook    Instagram   Be a guest on the podcast    YouTube   The Molly B Foundation