Podcast appearances and mentions of ronnie tyler

Creating Vision with Ronnie Tyler Host: Nikki Klugh Welcome to Create Your Sacred Space Podcast with Nikki Klugh. the podcast that unveils the soul of architecture and design. Join us as we explore the passion, creativity, and purpose behind the most inspiring spaces and projects and dive deep with those who create them consistently. I'm your host, Nikki Klugh, and I'll be your guide as we journey through the hearts and minds of sacred space architects and designers who are driven by compassion and authenticity. _________________________________________________ Ronnie Tyler's Bio: Ronnie Tyler is a dynamic entrepreneur, visionary leader, and co-founder of Traffic Sales and Profit (TSP), a leading digital marketing and business consultancy firm. With a passion for empowering entrepreneurs and small business owners, Ronnie has dedicated her career to helping individuals harness the power of digital marketing to drive growth and success. As a seasoned expert in online business strategies, Ronnie brings over a decade of experience in digital marketing, e-commerce, and business development to her role at TSP. Her innovative approach to leveraging social media, content marketing, and sales funnels has enabled countless clients to achieve remarkable results and scale their businesses to new heights. Ronnie's journey as an entrepreneur began with the launch of her own successful blog, where she honed her skills in content creation, community building, and online engagement. Drawing from her firsthand experiences and insights, Ronnie co-founded TSP with a mission to provide actionable strategies, cutting-edge resources, and personalized support to aspiring and established entrepreneurs worldwide. In addition to her role at TSP, Ronnie is a sought-after speaker, educator, and thought leader in the field of digital entrepreneurship. She regularly shares her expertise at industry conferences, workshops, and online events, inspiring audiences with her passion, authenticity, and commitment to excellence. Through her unwavering dedication, innovative spirit, and relentless pursuit of excellence, Ronnie Tyler continues to empower entrepreneurs to realize their dreams, transform their businesses, and create lasting impact in the digital age. __________________________________________ Thank you for being a part of our heart-centered community, and until next time, may your life be filled with sacred spaces that reflect the beauty of your soul. Remember, FIRST We shape our buildings; thereafter they shape us.

Are you struggling to do it all? Today on The TSP Show, Ronnie Tyler and Rita Egbele share how they balance motherhood, self-care, and entrepreneurship. Rita and Ronnie give you the tools to manage your time and communicate your needs without sacrificing your family or business. Ronnie Tyler is the chief operations officer at TSP and a mother of four. She shares how she shifted her expectations on the non-essentials so she could devote herself to the most important aspects of motherhood and her business. Ronnie teaches you that having your priorities straight is the solution to avoiding burnout and frustration.Rita Egbele is a certified accountant with EFS Group, she and her husband work side by side and are raising a family. Rita explains that self-care is not optional if you want to continue showing up as your best self. She believes that communication is the key to the success of you and your partner at home and in your business. If you need the tools to tackle motherhood and business, listen now!Want to keep up with Ronnie Tyler? Find details here:► Book: https://profitablelaunchblueprint.com/plb-bookWant to keep up with Rita Egbele? Find details here:► Website:https://www.efsgllc.com/► Services:https://www.efsgllc.com/accounting-services/► Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/efsgrouppllc/Want to keep up with Traffic Sales and Profit? Find details here:► Podcast: https://trafficsalesandprofit.com/podcast► Get your FREE Traffic Sales and Profit Book here https://freetspbook.com/tsp-book► Subscribe to the YouTube channel: https://youtube.com/trafficsalesandprofit► Upcoming Live Events: https://trafficsalesandprofit.com/events/► Join our FREE Traffic, Sales & Profit Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TrafficSalesProfit/► Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/trafficsalesandprofit/► Follow Lamar on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lamartyler/KEY TAKEAWAYS[00:00:00] Taking Time for Yourself [00:01:40] Balancing Family and Business [00:04:00] Communicating with Your Partner [00:05:00] Know What to Prioritize

Are you curious about how to run a business with your spouse? Whether you're working with your partner, or a colleague or are a solopreneur, communication, vision, and respect are the foundations of a successful business. Today on The TSP Show, Ronnie Tyler joins us for a Q&A with entrepreneurs looking for insight into our daily operations. Working with your spouse is not as complicated as people make it out to be. The key is to come into the working relationship with the same respect you would have for any other colleague. Always leave the drama at home, and build processes around each other's strengths. It might be all hands on deck in the beginning, but having a foundation of respect for each other's skills, will help you develop the long-term strategies that will bring you success. Whatever your working relationships look like, respect and a shared vision are essential to the longevity of your business. If you want to learn how to successfully maintain stability in the workplace, listen now!Want to keep up with Ronnie Tyler? Find details here:► Book: https://profitablelaunchblueprint.com/plb-bookWant to keep up with Traffic Sales and Profit? Find details here:► Podcast: https://trafficsalesandprofit.com/podcast► Get your FREE Traffic Sales and Profit Book here https://freetspbook.com/tsp-book► Subscribe to the YouTube channel: https://youtube.com/trafficsalesandprofit► Upcoming Live Events: https://trafficsalesandprofit.com/events/► Join our FREE Traffic, Sales & Profit Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TrafficSalesProfit/► Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/trafficsalesandprofit/► Follow Lamar on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lamartyler/KEY TAKEAWAYS[00:00:00] Our perspective on common questions [00:02:30] Aligning on a singular vision[00:05:00] Balancing life and business [00:10:00] Do what is best for you[00:12:40] Vision and integration [00:15:10] Defining formal roles [00:19:40] Give yourself grace[00:20:00] Leave the drama at home[00:26:00] Handling setbacks[00:28:30] Grinding versus hard work

Today on The TSP Show, we continue the celebration of our first 40 episodes! Lamar is sharing clips from unmissable episodes packed with knowledge that will ensure your success as an entrepreneur. In this episode, you will hear from Amelia Thomas, Alicia Lyttle, Ash Cash, and Ronnie Tyler. They are teaching you the skills to build wealth and keep it. The best way to learn is from people with experience, and today's guests have plenty to go around. You will learn the reality of entrepreneurship, how to monetize your skills and clever ways to reduce your taxable income. Every entrepreneur is on a journey. Starting a business is truly a gamble; mistakes will be made, and lessons will be learned, but you can expedite your success by listening to those who have already conquered in business!If you want to learn the ins and outs of entrepreneurship, listen now!Want to keep up with Amelia Thomas? Find details here:► Website: EmpireCapitalVentures.com► Episode 7: Wealth Secrets of the 1% with Amelia Thomas► Instagram: @atwealthhelpWant to keep up with Alicia Lyttle? Find details here:► Website: alicialyttle.com► Episode 37: How to Start Making Money Online Today with Alicia Lyttle► Instagram: @alicialyttleWant to keep up with Ash Cash? Find details here:► Website: iamashcash.com► Episode 18:Developing a Millionaire Mindset with Ash Cash► Instagram:@iamashcashWant to keep up with Ronnie Tyler? Find details here:► Website: BlackandMarriedwithKids.com► Episode 8: How to Build a Multi-Million Dollar Business with Your Spouse featuring Ronnie Tyler ► Twitter: BlackandMarriedwithKidsWant to keep up with Traffic Sales and Profit? Find details here:► Podcast: https://trafficsalesandprofit.com/podcast► Get your FREE Traffic Sales and Profit Book here https://freetspbook.com/tsp-book► Subscribe to the YouTube channel:

Are you prepared to take the risks necessary to grow your business? Exponential growth does not come from conservative action. In order to expand your business and yourself, you need to increase your risk tolerance. Today, Lamar and Ronnie Tyler reveal just how much they put on the line to get where they are today. Many entrepreneurs are sabotaging their own opportunities because they're afraid of losing, but without calculated risks there is no potential for growth. Success comes to those who are willing to bet on themselves even without a guarantee that it's going to work. In this episode Lamar and Ronnie share how every failure brings you closer to the strategy that will bring your business to the next level. If you're ready to take calculated risks that win big, listen now! Want to keep up with Ronnie Tyler ? Find details here:► Website:https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/about-us/# ► Courses: https://store.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/ ► Twitter:https://twitter.com/blackandmarriedWant to keep up with Traffic Sales and Profit? Find details here:► Podcast: https://trafficsalesandprofit.com/podcast► Get your FREE Traffic Sales and Profit Book here https://freetspbook.com/tsp-book► Subscribe to the YouTube channel: https://youtube.com/trafficsalesandprofit► Upcoming Live Events: https://trafficsalesandprofit.com/events/► Join our FREE Traffic, Sales & Profit Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TrafficSalesProfit/► Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/trafficsalesandprofit/► Follow Lamar on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lamartyler/KEY TAKEAWAYS[00:00:00] Your employees and their families are depending on your success [00:00:00] Success in business is proportionate to the amount of risk you take[00:05:10] Knowing when to take a calculated risk[00:10:00] You can't always wait to make the money first [00:11:10] Betting on yourself when no one else will[00:13:00] There is no guarantee that your strategic risk will pay off[00:14:30] Make it happen no matter what[00:16:00] The responsibility that comes with having a team[00:18:00] Don't wait on luck, make the investment first [00:23:00] Be prepared for it not to work[00:24:30] Don't let your mindset sabotage you before you even try

Want to know what it takes to have a six or seven figure launch? How about managing a multi-million dollar project? Today's guest is the expert. Prior to becoming the Chief Operating Officer of Tyler New Media, Ronnie Tyler spent 17 years with IBM as a Certified Project Management Professional (PMP) managing projects with 30 million dollar budgets and up to 30 developers spread across 4 continents. She now uses her skills and expertise to manage 7-figure product launches and events for Tyler New Media, and their various brands, mainly Traffic Sales & Profit. She is also the author of The Profitable Launch Blueprint, The Ultimate Step-by-Step Guide to Doubling Your Profits. Want to keep up with Ronnie? Find details here:   ► Get a FREE copy of the Profitable Launch Blueprint here: https://profitablelaunchblueprint.com Want to keep up with Traffic Sales and Profit? Find details here:   ► Podcast: https://trafficsalesandprofit.com/podcast   ► Get your FREE Traffic Sales and Profit Book here: https://freetspbook.com/tsp-book   ► Subscribe to the YouTube channel: https://youtube.com/trafficsalesandprofit   ► Upcoming Live Events: https://trafficsalesandprofit.com/events/   ► Join our FREE Traffic, Sales & Profit Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TrafficSalesProfit/   ► Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/trafficsalesandprofit/   ► Follow Lamar on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lamartyler/

In this episode, Lamar is with the most special guest, his wife, Ronnie Tyler. Ronnie is the Chief Operating Officer at Traffic Sales & Profit. Together, they talk about what working with your spouse looks like and why would you even consider doing it. They shared the best and hardest parts of it and gave practical tips for couples in order to successfully build and work together in the business. They also provided an exercise that you can do with your partner to help you navigate each one's place and value in the business.  So, listen in now and enjoy this insightful conversation while learning from the power couple of Traffic Sales & Profit. MENTIONS https://trafficsalesandprofit.com/podcast https://tspchallenge.com   SHOW NOTES [00:00:17] Greetings and introduction of Ronnie Tyler [00:01:11] How can you work with your spouse and why even consider doing it [00:05:19] Lamar and Ronnie's story [00:09:39] What made Ronnie feel comfortable with Lamar moving into full-time entrepreneurship [00:15:33] Being intentional in making money [00:17:39] Some concerns in coming into the business and working with your spouse [00:20:42] Being amazed at the business we have [00:21:41] Best part about working with your spouse [00:24:20] Hardest part about working with your spouse [00:25:51] Strengths and weaknesses exercise you can do with your spouse [00:28:25] Practical things that couples can do in order to be successful, and build and work together [00:33:35] The couple's code of conduct [00:36:11] What being formal looks like for couples that are in business together  [00:38:10] Your first steps in getting started with working with your spouse

CEO and co-founder of Tyler New Media, Lamar Tyler, stops by Money Making Conversations Master Class to discuss his companies purpose and brings Earvin "Magic" Johnson to Atlanta through his brand Traffic Sales and Profit to encourage entrepreneurs in the African American Community to move beyond just side hustle mentality to build enterprises allowing us to grow scale and exit!More About Lamar TylerLamar Tyler is the CEO and co-founder of Tyler New Media - one of the fastest-growing private companies in America recognized by Inc. magazine on its annual Inc. 5000 list (2021). The parent company of celebrated digital brands like Traffic Sales and Profit (TSP) - America's premier learning community for purpose-driven African American businesses and entrepreneurs; and BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com - the largest independent African American marriage and parenting site on the web; Lamar helps to guide families and entrepreneurs to discover their true purpose and legacy. Fed up with the pervasive, negative and distorted images of the African American community, Lamar and his wife Ronnie Tyler created their platform to change narratives and curate brands that celebrate, honor, support and nurture Black families and businesses.More on Traffic Sales and ProfitsTraffic Sales & Profit (TSP) is the premier community for African American businesses and entrepreneurs. With a network of over 38K members from all over the U.S. and various countries, TSP focuses on innovative online technology and provides fundamental learning, surefire systems, and growth strategies that help businesses generate profit with ease in the shortest amount of time, regardless of audience size or start-up budget. Offering coaching and consulting services for people all over the world, TSP teaches in different niches and markets, including everything from brick-and-mortar stores to e-commerce brands to service and product-based businesses. TSP is also home of the exclusive, innovative mastermind business cohort that collectively generated over $49M in revenue during the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic. For more information, log on to www.TrafficSalesAndProfit.com.Support the show: https://www.steveharveyfm.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler have been serial entrepreneurs for many years; named one of Ebony Magazine's Power 100, a list of the top 100 movers and shakers in the black community, finalists for Black Enterprise's Family Business of the Year, finalists for Infusionsoft's Small Business ICON award and winners of the ClickFunnels Two Comma Award which means their business generated over $10 Millions in revenue (IYKYK) They've been featured in Essence Magazine, Ebony Magazine, Jet Magazine, Parenting Magazine, CNN, HLN, Good Morning America, The Today Show and many other press outlet but their most impressive accomplishment has been the other millionaires that they have created by teaching their tribe how to Get traffic, Sell, then Profit On Episode #45 of Inside the Vault w/ Ash Cash we have the power couple and masterminds behind @trafficsalesandprofit and so many 7 figure brands teaching us how to scale your business to the next level. Pay attention because these business bars

When one couple announced their engagement, their friends and family rolled their eyes and told them, “Marriage isn't worth the trouble.” Hear why that couple got married anyway and went on to create a unique and thriving marriage ministry. Guests Lamar and Ronnie Tyler will give you hope for your own marriage and family.

What You Will Learn: How Lamar and his wife Ronnie went into business and created the Black and Married with Kids blog, learning leadership skills and growing it into a powerhouse brand How, after achieving their first million in revenue, Lamar realized that the next necessary step was to focus on further education and finding the right mentors Why being a successful entrepreneur isn't the same as being a great leader, and why the growth of your business depends on learning leadership skills How Lamar was able to utilize his strong marketing skills to attract talented new team members What unique considerations Lamar and Ronnie have had to make as first-generation entrepreneurs looking to create generational wealth for their kids Why Lamar has made what a prospective employee does in their personal time a key consideration in the hiring process Why building a great team so that your business doesn't depend entirely on you is crucial for growth How a strong meeting cadence of daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly and annual meetings has been a big component in the success of Lamar's company Why a successful business needs both team members with big, bold ideas and with careful planning skills Why one of the biggest things Lamar sees that slows down entrepreneurs is allowing their focus to be spread too thin About Lamar Tyler: Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are the husband-and-wife power pair behind Black and Married with Kids, the largest independent African American marriage and parenting site on the web. Lamar and Ronnie were so fed up with the pervasive, negative and distorted images of black marriage that they channeled their frustration into a passion for curating online media properties that celebrated and honored black families. Armed with this vision and expertise in social media, Lamar and Ronnie have taken Black and Married with Kids from a small personal blog to an international brand under their own Tyler New Media, they now have 7 independently produced films and over 540,000 Facebook fans. Black and Married with Kids has been recognized and honored by some of America's most established and respected media outlets. In 2010, Black and Married with Kids was named by Parenting Magazine as one of 2010's Must-Read Blogs. In the same year, Lamar and Ronnie were inducted into Babble's Top 100 Bloggers Hall of Fame. In 2012—for the second year in a row—they were included as two of Ebony Magazine's Power 100, a list of country's top 100 African-American movers and shakers, keeping company with President Barack Obama, Beyoncé Knowles, and Jay-Z. In 2014, the Tylers were finalists for the Black Enterprise Family Business of the Year Award. And in 2015, the Tylers were also named finalists for Infusionsoft's Small Business ICON award. Along with writing for and managing Black and Married With Kids, which now employs more than 40 staff writers, Lamar and Ronnie stay busy running Tyler New Media—producing, directing, and traveling across the country screening Tyler New Media films and speaking on marriage and business-related topics for a variety of churches, organizations and media outlets including ESSENCE Magazine, Parenting Magazine, Ebony Magazine, Sirius/XM, TV One, HLN, NPR, Atlanta Journal-Constitution and The Washington Post. Lamar and Ronnie are the happy parents of four children and call Atlanta home. Resources: Website: https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/ Website: www.trafficsalesandprofit.com Website: https://tylernewmedia.com/ LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/lamartyler/ LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/tyler-new-media/ Facebook: www.facebook.com/happilyeverafterthemovie Facebook: www.facebook.com/TylerNewMedia/ Twitter: @LamarTyler Twitter: @blackandmarried Additional Resources: Elite Business Health Assessment: https://growwithelite.com/health Email: info@GrowWithElite.com Website: https://growwithelite.com/

Joining Eileen and Joe today is Lamar Tyler with his wealth of knowledge in entrepreneurship, marketing and sales. He is the creator of Traffic Sales & Profit, the CEO of Tyler New Media, and the husband half of the power pair behind "Black and Married with Kids", the largest independent African American marriage and parenting site on the web.  Today, he joins Eileen and Joe to talk about his experiences with events and how it has helped both his business and community grow.   Don't miss: ●     How Lamar built such a highly engaged community ●     You need to be able to sell so you can serve ●     The reason behind why people buy ●     The difference in conversion between a virtual room and a live room ●     Value the relationships you have with people Meet Lamar Lamar and his wife Ronnie Tyler are the husband-and-wife power pair behind Black and Married with Kids, the largest independent African American marriage and parenting site on the web. Lamar and Ronnie were so fed up with the pervasive, negative, and distorted images of black marriage that they channeled their frustration into a passion for curating online media properties that celebrated and honored black families. Armed with this vision and expertise in social media, Lamar and Ronnie have taken Black and Married with Kids from a small personal blog to an international brand under their own Tyler New Media, they now have 7 independently produced films and over 540,000 Facebook fans. Black and Married with Kids has been recognized and honored by some of America's most established and respected media outlets. In 2010, Black and Married with Kids was named by Parenting Magazine as one of 2010's Must-Read Blogs. In the same year, Lamar and Ronnie were inducted into Babble's Top 100 Bloggers Hall of Fame. In 2012—for the second year in a row—they were included as two of Ebony Magazine's Power 100, a list of country's top 100 African-American movers and shakers, keeping company with President Barack Obama, Beyoncé Knowles, and Jay-Z. In 2014, the Tylers were finalists for the Black Enterprise Family Business of the Year Award. And in 2015, the Tylers were also named finalists for Infusionsoft's Small Business ICON award. Along with writing for and managing Black and Married With Kids, which now employs more than 40 staff writers, Lamar and Ronnie stay busy running Tyler New Media—producing, directing, and traveling across the country screening Tyler New Media films and speaking on marriage and business-related topics for a variety of churches, organizations and media outlets including ESSENCE Magazine, Parenting Magazine, Ebony Magazine, Sirius/XM, TV One, HLN, NPR, Atlanta Journal-Constitution and The Washington Post. Lamar and his wife Ronnie are the happy parents of four children and call Atlanta home. Connect with Eileen If you'd like to learn how to do 6 & 7 figure DAYS selling your high ticket offer at virtual events, head on over to https://acceleratemyrevenue.com/ (https://acceleratemyrevenue.com/) and apply for our free 5-day challenge. 

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler make up the husband and wife power pair behind Black and Married with Kids, the largest independent African American marriage and parenting site on the web. Fed up with the pervasive negative images of black marriage in the media, Lamar and Ronnie started the site to combat the negativity by focusing on positive messages about marriage in the black community. Armed with a passion for empowering married couples and a knowledge of how to leverage social media, Ronnie and Lamar have in five years taken Black and Married with Kids from a small personal blog to an international brand under their own Tyler New Media umbrella that also boasts four independently produced films and a social media presence that includes over 500,000 Facebook fans. Website: https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com Thank you for leaving a Google Review Today http://bit.ly/2LeR4WXon what you enjoy about Black Entrepreneur Experience Podcast. Subscribe to our mailing list to receive weekly updates and exclusive content delivered right to your inbox!   https://bit.ly/34LALts    

How do you go from safe and secure corporate jobs to launch a small personal blog, then turn it into an international brand with over 42 thousand customers across all 50 states and 43 countries? Lamar & Ronnie Tyler join us on the podcast to share how they overcame different goals, created a shared mission, and built a marriage and business leading to freedom for them and thousands of other marriages and businesses worldwide.

Ronnie and Lamar Tyler of Tyler New Media join Small Biz Buzz to discuss the role of diversity in entrepreneurship and how small business owners can support each other through allyship in their respective communities. “There's a huge wealth gap, and it's not getting smaller between different groups in this country,” said Lamar Tyler. “And right now, African Americans are pulling up the rear, and we want to help close that gap through entrepreneurship.” “We are clear about our mission to uplift, equip, and support the community, to support families in our communities so that we can build strong families, we can close in the wealth gap, and just build up our communities. That's what our mission is,” said Ronnie Tyler. Click play for more.

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Step-Grandparenting Guest:                         Ron Deal                   From the series:       Step-Grandparenting  Bob: When two families merge—when they blend—and now there are stepchildren and stepsiblings—one of the forgotten parts of this equation often, is the new step-grandparents. Here is Ron Deal.  Ron: Sometimes, when somebody else made a choice—and all of the sudden, you've got not just one, but maybe you've got five step-grandchildren—what if you had a bunch—what if you already thrown yourself relationship with your biological grandchildren, now you've got five more? It's like—“How do I fit all of this in? How do we do the finances?” I'm just saying—I've seen and been involved in situations where the step-grandparents just aren't terribly excited about this. That can be a disappointment to their adult child.  Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, July 30th. Our host is Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. Step-grandparenting can be tricky. We have some thoughts today from Ron Deal— 1:00 —on how to make it work more effectively. Stay with us.  And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. There was a conference back last fall for grandparents. We had some friends who put this together. We helped promote this event—a national conference of grandparenting.  Dennis: The Legacy Conference.  Bob: That's right. One of the speakers at the conference was Ron Deal who joins us in studio today and is the leader of FamilyLife Blended®. Ron, welcome back to FamilyLife Today.  Ron: Thank you.  Bob: You got invited to come and speak at this conference about step-grandparenting which, Dennis, I don't know if I ever even stopped to think about that subject—but that's an issue that a lot of families that all of the sudden find themselves in with very little preparation and very little coaching.  2:00 Dennis: I would say most grandparents feel overlooked when it comes to blending a family together; and I can't imagine what it would be like—to feel like—in some regards, you may be an outsider— Ron: Yes.  Dennis: —to get back in with grandkids that—at one point—you were their heros. You're hearing a lot about this subject as you speak around the country.  Ron: I am, Dennis. Bob, in preparation for that Legacy Conference, I did some homework. I do this every single day, but I was a little shocked to discover that 40-percent of families in the U.S. have a step-grandparent—40-percent! By the way, that's stat is 20 years old—it's old.  Dennis: So, it's likely higher.  Ron: It's likely much higher. The other thing that I found was that the prediction that demographers have is that by year 2030 in the U.S.—there will be one step-grandchild for every 1.7 biological grandchildren—less than 2 to 1 ratio. It is a very common experience. It's going to continue to be— 3:00 —a common experience—and of course, it touches all three of the generations.  Bob: Not just all three generations, but I'm thinking about all of the different permutations of what makes a stepfamily—and then how that expands to the grandparenting. So, if our son and daughter-in-law get a divorce, and now she is the custodial parent, where do we fit into that; right?  Ron: Exactly.  Bob: If there's an estrangement between our son and this daughter-in-law, we may be cut out of the picture— Ron: Right.  Bob: —with our grandkids.  Ron: What that means is that, at Christmastime, when you want time with your grandkids, there's probably four or five or six other sets of grandparents who, also want time with the grandkids. So, all of the sudden, life just got really complicated fast.  Bob: Then, I'm thinking about the other situation which is where our son or our daughter marries somebody who has been previously married and brings grandkids in, and we didn't just become new in-laws—we became new step-grandparents—and it happened in an instant.  4:00 So, instead of watching these kids be born, we're now step-grandparents to a 13-year-old and a 15-year-old that we haven't ever known before.  Ron: What if you have some real mixed feelings about that new relationship? By the way, this is one of the things we are hearing from people: “Hey, I have step-grandchildren. By the way, I also have some biological grandchildren. I've known them their whole lives, and they've known us—we have traditions and time together and all sorts of things. Now, I'm trying to figure out: “What do I do, and how do I find time for the step-grandchildren? But that relationship came about because my child”—let's say—"made some really poor decisions; and we have mixed feelings about those decisions.”  “Now, those decisions have resulted in them getting married and having stepchildren—that gives us step-grandchildren—we never really wanted this. It kind of feels like if we jump in as step-grandparents and throw ourselves into those relationships, that somehow, we're saying what my son or daughter did is okay.”  5:00 “We don't feel like it's okay. We're kind of stuck between, not wanting to give approval—but at the same time—the grandchildren shouldn't be the ones that suffer.”  That's the kind of difficulties that grandparents are finding themselves in—trying to wade through these waters and figure out what to do.  Dennis: You outline three different kinds of step-grandparents. There are step-grandparents who step into the life of a child and actually, are in a long-term relationship helping to raise that child to maturity.  Ron: Right. They've been in a long-term—we call them long-term step-grandparents, meaning maybe, they were a stepparent at a younger age; and they raised a stepchild, and that stepchild is now an adult, now married, now has children of their own. Technically, those are step-grandchildren to the grandparent; right? But you've been in their life since day-one.  6:00 That long-term step-grandparent, probably, has more of a relationship with their step-grandchildren like a biological grandparent would have with their biological grandchildren. It just feels more natural and more connected because of the length of the relationship.  Bob: Of course, all of this depends on the kind of relationship that the stepchild has with the stepparent because that's step-grandparenting is all incumbent on—“Are we still friends”— Ron: That's right.  Bob: —“with this child that we helped raise?”  Ron: Let's just kind of walk through the possibilities. On the one hand, let's say you have a great relationship with your stepchild who, now, becomes a parent. You have step-grandchildren. Odds are you're Grandma—end of story. That's going to be a wonderful, easy ride.  Maybe you have—on the other end of the continuum—a really awkward, difficult relationship with your stepchild who, now, has children. It can go one of two ways. What I see a lot is that all of the sudden, the step-grandchildren create an opportunity for connection.  7:00 They don't know you as anything different—they feel like you're Grandma to them or Grandpa to them. All of the sudden, it helps your relationship with your adult stepchild. They watch you be grandmother to their kids.  Dennis: By the way, if you want to win a parent's heart— Ron: There you go.  Bob: Yes. Dennis: —bless their child.  Ron: That's it.  Dennis: I mean find ways to build into their lives. I'm not talking about spoiling them with gifts. I'm talking about finding a way to encourage them, build them up, speak truth into their lives, and be an asset to them.  Ron: I hear from a lot of long-term step-grandparents who say, “You know what? My salvation with my stepchild was the grandkids. That was the backdoor that improved my relationship with them.” I say, “Amen! Hallelujah! Whatever it takes.” Pour into that grandchild, and all of the sudden, their parent is more appreciative of you than they've been before.  Dennis: What would you say to the person who is listening to our broadcast right now that would go—“That's me. I'm in that situation.” How can they take advantage of it?  8:00 Ron: You know it's the heart attitude of inclusion—and connectedness is always a good, positive thing. I mean, extending yourself in love generally works on your behalf—wouldn't we assume that as believers; right?  Dennis: Right.  Ron: Love conquers a lot of things. Now sometimes, you are not given permission to love. One of the barriers here for step-grandparents is that middle generation. Let's say you have a son or daughter or stepson—stepdaughter who blocks your ability to be a grandparent. Well, they can. They can just say, “No, the kids are not available”; “No, we're not going to come over and spend time on Sunday afternoon and have lunch. No—” They can do that, and that's really unfortunate—it's a heartbreak when that happens.  What I would say to that step-grandparent is “Okay, you have limited opportunity. Make the most of what you have and don't give up.”  Bob: I'd just throw in here— 9:00 —it can be our attitude: “I'm entitled to a relationship with my grandchild.” I think we've got to die to that entitlement at some point and go—“I can woo that. I can try to earn that. I can pray for that—but I'm going to have to let go of that sense of entitlement.”  Dennis: If you try to cash that chip in, you can alienate even further.  Ron: Yes. Yes, you certainly don't want to do that because then that just almost invites somebody to say, “Oh no you don't deserve”; right? Then, you've got them digging in their heels.  Bob: So, you've got long-term grandparenting. What's a second kind of grandparenting?  Ron: The second one we call inherited step-grandparents. Here is what's happened probably in your life. You've had a son or a daughter who made a choice to marry somebody who has kids. So, your son—let's just say that—your son has become a stepdad. Well, you just inherited step-grandchildren.  Now notice, this was not your choice. You're just cruising along in life. Your son made a choice to marry somebody with kids. 10:00 You didn't make that choice. You may be in favor of it. You may be happy about it—but at the same time, you didn't ask for grandkids—you didn't ask for this to be brought into your life.  I mean most grandparents are excited when they become grandparents. It's a little weird sometimes, to hear people say the very first-time, but—“Yes, I'm getting used to the idea.” Then they throw themselves into. Sometimes, when somebody else made a choice—and all of the sudden you've got not just one, but maybe you've got five step-grandchildren—what if you already had a bunch? What if you already had—you've already thrown yourself into relationships with your biological grandchildren—and now, you've got five more? It's like—“How do I fit all of this in? How do we do the finances?”  I'm just saying—I've seen and been involved in situations where the step-grandparents just aren't terribly excited about this. That can be a disappointment to their adult child.  Bob: We've got to keep in mind—you don't have an extended relationship with this new 11-year-old step-grandchild.  11:00 You don't know anything about what they like. You don't know anything about their history, for the most part. You are meeting them for the first-time at 11. They are not sure what to think about you.  Ron: —And you feel a little divided. You've got three other biological grandchildren. You do know what they like. You do have a relationship with them. Now, I'm supposed to take time away from them to invest time with this 11-year-old that I don't know?  Bob: —who is not sure he wants a relationship with you. The easiest thing to do for a step-grandparent in that situation is go—“Let's just back off and go where we're wanted” —but I hear you saying, “That may be the easiest thing to do, but that may not be the healthiest thing to do.”  Ron: I think we should always—I mean the life and times of Jesus Christ is a guy who walked around turning outsiders into insiders. Is that not the heart of the Gospel? People who were far from God, and He brings them near to God. He extends the hand of friendship, if you will. He extends love and grace to people who don't even know that they need it or want it.  12:00 That's the heart of our Savior.  I think anytime we do that in any situation—let's just paint a scenario like we were talking about before—let's say your son or daughter made a choice. It's a choice you didn't agree with. There are negative repercussions. You're not feeling great about it, but—bam!—you've got an 11-year-old step-granddaughter. I think you swallow hard, and you go—“Lord, help me be an influence in this 11-year-old's life—help us find ways of connecting—we've got to figure this out.” We don't just pull back and go—“Well, this shouldn't be, so I'm out of here.”  Dennis: I like where you are going with that, Ron, because I was just sitting back and thinking, “Most grandparents—when they are finally declared grandparents—are kind of wondering, ‘What's my assignment here?'” It's not necessarily cut and dried with every one of your adult children how they want you to be the grandparent in that situation. Then, you extrapolate the step-grandparenting assignment which that's a new category for a lot of people. 13:00 They don't even know—well, it's back to being dizzy again. Ron: Yes.  Dennis: “How do I relate to this person that's not biologically connected to me?”  Ron: You know here's a principle that I think would apply with both biological grandparenting as well as step-grandparenting: Define the relationship—we're going to have to have some conversations.  So, you go to your son or daughter; and you say, “Look, what role would you like for me to play? Here's what I would love to do. Here's where I'm interested. Here's my heart—my passion. How does that fit with you? Your schedule? Your needs? You have a wife or a husband to consider and their parents. Bring us in and give us some guidance so that we can come together and define what our role as grandparents look like.”  There is one other category, and it's what we call the later-life step-grandparent. This occurs when someone later in life marries somebody who is a grandparent. So, let's just paint a scenario.  14:00 You maybe, had a 30-year marriage, and your spouse dies. A few years go by, you're in your mid-60's—early 70's—and you fall in love again. You marry somebody who is a grandparent. You instantly have adult step-children and step-grandchildren.  Notice, you're the one who is motivated. You're the one who made the choice to marry this person. Typically, that step-grandparent is highly motivated to get to know all the generations—both the adult stepchildren as well the step-grandchildren—but the adult step-children and the step-grandchildren may not have any need for you whatsoever in their lives.  What we often find in this scenario is it's the adult children—now adult stepchildren—who go—“You know what? You're Dad's wife. You're not my mom, and you're not the grandmother to my kids. It's fine if you show up at Christmas, and we sure want you to cook the turkey at Thanksgiving— 15:00 —but don't step into that grandmother role. My mom was grandma—end of story. That adult child has a lot to say about whether or not that step-grandparent can play any role at all in the life of the family.  Bob: I just add to that—and we've talked about this before—patience—patience is a key virtue in all of this—and then grace. Keep in mind that your kids—your step-kids, their kids—everybody in this scenario has a context for what they are feeling. Loss has been a part of most of these people's experience—and when loss is a factor—that can pop up in some relationally challenging ways; right?  This is just where we have to be the people who say, “You know what? I'm going to give a ton of grace. When you start acting out of your loss and start getting angry”— 16:00 —“or frustrated or isolating yourself, I'm just going to go—‘Okay, there is a context for this, and I'm going to give a lot of grace here.'”  Ron: This later-life step-grandparent dynamic essentially creates what we call adult step-families. The person who gets caught in the middle of the bunch is the biological parent. Let's—back to our scenario—this man has married a woman later in his life—in their early 70's—and his children—they loved Mom. She was a wonderful woman in their life—and she will always be Mom—and to the grandchildren—she will always be Grandmother.  Dad can—he's got to be careful because if he's in a position of demanding that his kids welcome her as they would a mother—I just find that that backfires. He's got to be patient, too. Now, I also want the new step-grandmother in that scenario to not become so possessive. I've seen some situations where they look to their husband and say, “Look, if they don't invite me, then you can't go be with your kids either—and your grandkids.” 17:00 Oh! Wow! Dennis: Yes.  Ron: That will divide really, really fast. All that does is sabotage yourself in the family. You have to make some sacrifices. Keep the connections alive so that eventually they see you as an asset—somebody new to get to know and hopefully, they do extend themselves and invite you in.  Dennis: Parents in any family are gatekeepers— Ron: That's right.  Dennis: —to give grandparents access to their grandkids.  Bob: You've just started exploring this subject. I mean we've just touched the tip of the iceberg in talking about it today. Have you written much on this? Can you point us to where we can get additional help?  Ron: Yes, actually, a number of my resources do talk about adult stepfamilies and the step-grandparent dynamic. The most recent is Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily, which is a one-year devotional for blended families that talks about a variety of subjects as you walk through the year.  18:00 The Smart Stepfamily book and our DVD series that churches can use also will talk about some of these things. Then the books, The Smart Stepmom and The Smart Stepdad, each have chapters on these subjects.  Bob: Of course, we've got these resources available in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center, and listeners can go online and look for the right starting place—where would you say? The Smart Stepfamily?  Ron: The Smart Stepfamily would be a good start.  Bob: Yes.  Dennis: I'd encourage people to look at the book of James. James, Chapter 1, verses 2 through 8 would be a great passage of Scripture for any step-family. Let me just read it carefully: “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness and let steadfastness have its full effect that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”  19:00 Let me just say here—in all this conversation of feeling dizzy—I think this next command here in Scripture is really timely: “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him, but let him ask in faith with no doubting. For the one who doubts is like the wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord. He is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”  If you are in a step-family situation—whether you are a step-parent, a step-grandparent, a bio-parent—and you need wisdom, call on God. Ask Him to give you wisdom: “How do we handle this, Lord? This is so complex. We can't begin to sort through all the pieces of the puzzle here” —but God meets us at that point.  20:00 Bob: Yes. One of the things, Ron, that you have said is that you've got help on this subject. Folks can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. You've written books and articles—and again, there is information online at FamilyLifeToday.com.  You and your team are working—now—on an event that's going to take place October 24th and 25th. This is our 6th Annual Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. It's going to be happening in Little Rock. In addition to you speaking at the event, Linda Ranson Jacobs—who heads up divorce-care for kids is going to be here. Dave and Meg Robbins will be speaking—Lamar and Ronnie Tyler and others. The focus this year is on parenting in complex families.  As often as not, when you're talking about blended families, the issues that people are asking you about are parenting issues. That's what the focus will be. Now, this is an event for pastors, church leaders, laymen and women— 21:00 —anybody who has a heart for step and blended families and wants to help those families thrive in local churches—they should plan to be in Little Rock on October 24th and 25th for the 2018 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry.  There is information available online at FamilyLifeToday.com—or call 1-800-FL-TODAY if you have any questions. There is early-bird pricing available now—so get in touch with us quickly to take advantage of that. Again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com—sign up for the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry happening in October.  I know for some of our listeners, school has only been out for about five or six weeks now. For others of our listeners in other parts of the country, school is starting back up next week. Can you believe it? There are some folks headed back to elementary and junior high and high school as early as next week in some parts of the country.  22:00 That's why we're encouraging moms and dads now, to sign up for a 30-Day Prayer Challenge encouraging you to be praying for your children every day for the next 30 days as they head back to school—whether they are in kindergarten or whether they are in graduate school. We will send you a daily prayer-prompt via email. It'll give you Scripture and specific ideas on things to be praying for, for your children.  You can sign up for the 30-Day Prayer Challenge right now at FamilyLifeToday.com, and we'll get you started immediately with your daily prayer prompts. Here at FamilyLife we are all about trying to effectively develop godly marriages and families—and praying for our kids is one of the ways that that happens.  We're excited because there are a number of churches around the country who have already contacted us, and they are launching Art of Parenting™ groups this fall. In fact, some of them are kicking off the launch by showing the movie that we've put together called Like Arrows as a special church event.  23:00 If you'd like information about FamilyLife's Art of Parenting video series—or the movie, Like Arrows, again, go to our website—FamilyLifeToday.com. Maybe, talk to your church leadership about whether this is something you want to do in your local church—and then get in touch with us. You can call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY.  Let me just say a word of thanks to those of you who partner with us so that all that we're doing here at FamilyLife can actually happen. Those of you who are regular, monthly Legacy Partners and those of you who will from time to time help support the ministry with a donation—we are so grateful for your partnership.  In fact, we'd like to express our gratitude today—if you're able to help with a donation—by sending you a copy of the book that Dennis Rainey wrote recently called Choosing a Life That Matters. It's our gift to you when you go online to donate at FamilyLifeToday.com—or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation. You can also mail your donation, along with your request for the book. Write to FamilyLife Today at Box 7111,— 24:00 —Little Rock, Arkansas; our zip code is 72223.  Tomorrow, we want to introduce you to a father who has a rather unusual family—a large family. His name is Pastor Gennadiy—and you'll meet him tomorrow and hear about his 35 children. That comes up tomorrow. Hope you can be with us for that.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?   Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com  

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Putting Your Spouse in the Front Seat Guest:                         Ron Deal                               From the series:       Putting Your Spouse in the Front Seat  Bob: In a single parent family, it's not uncommon for a child to sit in the passenger seat while mom or dad are driving. When mom or dad get remarried, and now there's someone new in the family, that child may not like the idea that their seat in the car has been taken over. Ron Deal says we need to be aware of that and help those kids adjust to the new normal. Ron: Why would they react harshly to this idea of putting your spouse in the front seat? What's going on for a kid? Well, sometimes they just want to ride in the front and they want what they want, but also there is: “I've been through some really rough stuff. I've lost connection with somebody. My family has gone through major transitions,”—a tragedy of some sort: a death or a divorce—“I don't want to go through another one of those things.”  They are hypersensitive to the idea of being pushed aside, because they've seen it happen already in their home. 1:00 Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, August 27th. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We're going to talk today about strategies to help step-parents help their children adjust to the new normal of a stepfamily. Stay with us. And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. One of the key principles that we try to drive home in FamilyLife's Art of Parenting™ video series, and something that you and Barbara wrote about in your book, The Art of Parenting, is that, in a family, the marriage relationship has got to be the priority relationship. For the sake of the kids—  Dennis: Right. Bob: —it's got to be the priority relationship. That's true in an intact family. That has some unique challenges that come along with it if you're dealing with a blended family. Dennis: Yes. One of the biggest arguments we used to have with our kids, on our way to school, was who sat in the front seat—[Laughter]— 2:00 —who got the front seat with daddy. You know, when mom is in the car with me— Ron: Is there any debate at that point? Dennis: —there is—there was never a debate; because they knew that next to daddy's heart was mama. [Laughter] Bob: And by the way, that is our friend, Ron Deal, who joins us today on FamilyLife Today. Ron gives leadership to FamilyLife Blended® and appears here, from time to time, when we're talking about blended family relationships. Glad to have you here. Ron: Thank you. Dennis: And it's different in blended families. Bob: Yes. Ron: Think about your scenario—when mom gets in the car, there's no question—mom's in the front seat; everybody knows it. Now, one of your kids may go, “Ah, it's my turn; but okay, I kind of understand mom rightly belongs in the front seat.” Dennis: There is no discussion! Ron: There's no discussion; there's no debate.  But what if the storyline had been—they take their turns riding in the front seat, and there is no mother in the picture; you're a single dad. The kids ride in the front; everybody has their turn—they belong there.  3:00 Then you go and marry somebody, and now it's her that rides in the front seat. How do your kids react to that? Bob: What had been their territory/their spot—they've just been displaced. We may think, “Well, that's not a big deal”; but that represents something. I mean, we're using it as a big deal about where mom sits in the car. This represents something about the order of the family that can be very threatening to stepkids. Ron: I have to say—one of our most popular articles on FamilyLife.com, in the blended family section, is an article that is exactly about riding in the front seat. In fact, it's called “Putting Your Spouse in the Front Seat.” I write about this, at length, in two of my books: The Smart Stepfamily and The Smart Stepfamily Marriage. Why?—because we have learned this is such a critical dynamic to get right for your blended family to do well. Bob: Ron, I was just recently at a Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway, talking to a couple in crisis. They weren't sure they could make their marriage work—blended situation.  4:00 She brought kids into the marriage; he didn't have any kids from any previous relationships. We were having this conversation. I said to her: “I understand that you feel guilt and shame. You feel responsible for the loss you're kids have experienced. You want to do anything you can to try to make sure you're making up for what you brought into your children's lives. So, at times, you prioritize them ahead of your husband just because, emotionally, you're thinking, ‘I've put them through so much. I've got to sacrifice him for their sake.'”  That's the impulse a parent feels. Explain why that's a wrong impulse—not a wrong impulse—but why giving into it is a wrong response. Ron: That's a very well-worded question, and it's important to the answer. The impulse is understandable.  5:00 Of course, you're concerned about your children—as I would say to this woman: “Your mom heart is very deeply concerned about their well-being. They have been through a lot. You do see the pain in their eyes from the past. You don't want to see more pain in the present, so you want to take care of them and diminish that; so that means putting them in the front seat and asking your husband to ride in the back seat, in which he feels, in that moment, like he's in the trunk.” That is a marital issue, immediately, for the new spouse. That's why you can't put him in the back seat, because you are risking the stability of your marriage. Even though your marriage followed the children, you still have to have it in the front seat, so to speak, in order for your relationship to lead the home.  If you're going to lead from a position of unity, this is both a parenting issue and a marriage issue all at the same moment. If you're going to position the new stepdad, in this case, beside you so that you can lead together, then you have to put him in the front seat.  6:00 You have to say to your children: “I'm' sorry. You're going to have to go to the back.” You're going to have to, then, deal with their being upset and them feeling like, “Oh, you mean you love him more than us?” You're going to have to deal with that hard moment. And by the way, how do you deal with that?—a lot of love, some big hugs, a little TLC: “Now, get in the back.” It's a combination of “I get it. This is hard for you, but he's my husband. Now, he's going to ride in the front. I'm thinking about letting him drive, but one thing at a time.” [Laughter] Dennis: I want to ask, at this point, if you treat this like Barbara and I did—which was, instead of going through the battle, at the moment, of who sits in the front seat, you have a family time—you just say: “Hey, you know what? This is a point of constant strife in our family, so here's how it's going to work.” Ron: Yes; you can anticipate this in a blended family and go: “You know what? We've picked up on this—there's some weeping and gnashing of teeth every time we have a front-seat moment in our home.”    7:00 What does that look like? “I consult my husband about parenting. I didn't ever have to ask anyone else before. I was a single mom; I could do whatever I wanted. Now, I stop for a minute and I ask him.” The kids notice; and they go, “Wait a minute why are you asking him?” Well, this is a front-seat moment: “Well, I'm asking him, because he's my husband; and I know things have changed.” Dennis: And you want your kids to understand the loyalties are to the other parent. The marriage has to be a priority and that they need to feel secure in that commitment that you're not going to run the show by yourself— Ron: Yes; absolutely. Dennis: —or let the kids hijack the car. Ron: So you do some proactive: “Hey, we're going to have a family meeting. Just want you guys to know that some things are going to change around here and this is why.”  Let's just pause a second and talk about language, because I learned a hard lesson. When I wrote the first edition of The Smart Stepfamily—it came out in 2002—and in that edition, I talked very directly about this matter.  8:00 But I made a mistake in how I worded a few things. I used language that implied that, somehow, there was more love for the spouse than for the kids. I don't even remember exactly how I said it, but that's what a few people would walk away from. I'd get letters, and I'd get questions at conference events that I do around the country, even now.  I learned: “Wow! I have to change that, because…”—for example, we say: “It is God first, then your spouse, and then your kids”; right? What are we saying with that?  We're saying, “We prioritize those relationships.” Why do we prioritize marriage? Scripture talks about leaving father and mother; cleaving to your spouse—that is the start of a new home—it's the marriage relationship that lays the foundation.  But sometimes, when you say that to somebody who has children from a previous relationship, what they hear is: “Abandon your children, reject them, leave them in isolation and spend all of your time and energy with your new spouse,”—that is not what we are saying.  9:00 When I wrote the revised, expanded edition of The Smart Stepfamily—that came out in 2014—I changed that wording. I was very careful, because I knew what people had heard. That's not what we're saying.  What we're saying is that there is one single important relationship in your home that will eventually bring stability to your home. But, now, notice—in the beginning of a blended family, putting your spouse in the front seat actually creates a little instability in your home. Now, that's backwards; that's not something that is typical—that's not true of biological families—but it is true of stepfamilies. It's another adjustment for kids; but eventually, it does bring stability to your home because you, as a couple, are leading from a position of unity, and togetherness, and oneness. The children see that and honor that.  Dennis: Ron, we've been talking about calling a family meeting and getting the stepchildren and the bio-children together and addressing them as one group.  10:00 It might be wise for the bio-parent of the children to address the issue separately from the stepchildren, so that it's not an “us” versus “them”: “Here's how we need to absorb this, as a little miniature family, as a part of the bigger family.” Ron: Yes; yes. That‘s wise. The message of that biological parent can be to their kids: “Look, you're the greatest kids in the world, and no other children in the universe are more important to me than you guys. Oh, by the way, there's no other adult more important to me than my new spouse. Now, I realize that that means, for you, that you don't get as much time with me; and every once in a while I talk to him”—or—“her about decisions. We're a team. You may not always like that.” Dennis: And “As the best kids in the universe, I want you to rally around this person I love!” Ron: Yes; invite them to that.  Bob: This is not just a stepfamily issue. Ron: Right. Bob: I mean, in intact families, kids try to divide mom and dad.  Ron: Yes. 11:00 Bob: They try to compete; and in intact families, new mamas often give their heart, time, and attention to their kids—and daddy is now on the sidelines—because mom's got this new love in her life. So this child-centered versus marriage-centered issue happens in both intact families and in blended families.  I remember, again, in the Art of Parenting video series—Bryan Loritts tells the story about getting invited to do ministry in Dubai—they said: “We'd like to invite you, and we'll send you two plane tickets.” He said, “Okay; Korie and I—my wife and I are going to go to Dubai.” He said: “One of my kids said: ‘Why are you taking Mom? Why does she get to go to Dubai with you?” He said, “Well, because I kind of love her more than I love you.” [Laughter] And you think, “You don't want to say that to your kid.” No; it helped his child to hear—and he went on to say: “And you know what? Someday, you're going to leave; and mom and I are going to be together long after you're gone. This is what's important.”  12:00 Ron: This is a really good point, and I want us to unpack what you just said; because there is a difference in saying that in a biological family than in a stepfamily. Here's the difference. When you say that, tongue in cheek, to a child—“…because I love her more than I love you,”—something inside of that kid kind of laughs along with it, because they know that your love for them is unmistakable; it's good and right that you love mom. In a blended family, that is unclear. Bob: Right. Ron: Sometimes children say, “It's good and right that you love your new wife, my stepmother”; but sometimes they're like: “Now, wait a minute. I'm your flesh and blood. How can you say that?” So what has a positive impact in a biologic home can have a negative in a stepfamily home. Bob: And the stepkids have likely been through some kind of loss. Ron: They have! Bob: So when you say, “I love her more than I love you,” they're hearing, “…loss magnified.” Ron: “Oh, no! Here we go again.” “Wait a minute! You said that you loved dad; and then you divorced.  13:00 “So now you're saying that you love this person more than you love me. Does that mean you're getting rid of me?” It does have very different implications, given the narrative of the family's journey, which is why this is important.  By the way, what we're doing right now, guys, is so helpful—this is what I call “going around the Horn”—we're going around the family; and we're jumping into the shoes of the child and saying: “Why would they react harshly to this idea of putting your spouse in the front seat? What's going on for a kid?” Well, yes, sometimes kids just want to ride in the front and they want what they want. But also there is: “I've been through some pretty rough stuff. I've lost connection with somebody. My family has gone through major transitions,”—a tragedy of some sort: a death or a divorce—“I don't want to go through another one of those things.” They're hypersensitive to the idea of being pushed aside, because they've seen it happen already in their home.  Of course, they're not going to welcome this new person riding in the front seat of the family car. 14:00 What you have to do, as a parent, is understand that but not be paralyzed by that. That is the big mistake that biological parents make—they see the pain in their child's eyes, and they go easy. All of a sudden, they're putting their kid in the front seat and their spouse in the back seat. That's the wrong move; because over time—you may have prevented a little bit of pain in your child's heart in the moment, but you've created a bigger pain, on behalf of your family, in the long run. Dennis: Are there some ways that you've seen blended families put their spouse in the back seat without them understanding it? I mean, what are the issues that typically show up in a blended family, where the spouse ends up in the back seat or—maybe, as you mentioned earlier—the trunk? Ron: We had a woman write in on Facebook®—follows us on FamilyLife Blended Facebook: “I don't get any time alone with my husband when his children are here. For weeks, it feels like we're strangers.”  15:00 Their scenario is—you know, his kids are at their biological mom's house most of the time. When they come to this house, then dad throws himself, 100 percent, into his kids.  Now, I want to balance this; because, on the one hand, I think that's important—he's dad, and they don't get much of him. He needs to throw himself into his children; and yet, he needs to spend time with his wife, in their presence, so that they see that this relationship/this marriage is really a big deal to dad. It's a delicate balance, but he's the one that has to keep that balance. If he gives 100 percent to his kids and 0 time to his wife while they're there, the message is: “She's in the back seat,”—that's a mistake. Bob: Let me just offer, I think, what can be a helpful word picture here. When your kids show up—and they're now entering into your family / into your marriage—they're going to be with you for the weekend, or they're going to be with you for the next two weeks, or for a month in the summer / whatever it is—you can look at it like: “The kids are here.  16:00 “Our life stops; and now, this new chapter—where the kids are in the middle of it / where they‘re at the center of it—that begins.”  Instead of thinking of it that way, I think blended families need to think: “When the kids show up, they step into our journey. They become welcome passengers in a journey that is ongoing. We're glad to have them here, but they're coming into something that doesn't stop but something that is ongoing—a relationship that is continuing. Life doesn't shelf out of one gear into another, but they hop in and we keep moving forward.” Ron: That's leadership—you are saying: “This is our family. Come join us; we want you to be a part of this.”  Now, again, I have to acknowledge that that's harder than it sounds. There are some situations where it's difficult. For some children, they have felt slighted—because of how things happened or how they got shifted around between homes—so this feels like another “I'm just getting pushed to the side” sort of moment. 17:00 I'm a firm believer that biological parents have to move toward their children with intentionality, so they can move toward their spouse with intentionality—it is both/and. Really, this is where we come back to that language thing. Yes; it is God first, and your spouse second, and your kids third; but that doesn't mean you ignore your kids. And yes; your spouse is your priority relationship, but that doesn't mean you don't love your kids. It's not either your spouse or your kids—it's both/and—of course, it is both/and. But we recognize that there is a need for intentionality to position the marriage to lead the home. If you don't do that—particularly, the biological parent hast to be the one to make this happen.  If they're unwilling—let me share a quick story with you to make a point. I was talking with a guy, one time, about his life—I said,” Tell me about your childhood, growing up.” He said: “Man, I grew up in a blended family. My mom and dad divorced when I was very, very young.  18:00 “Probably around age five or six my mom remarried. I had a stepdad.” Listen to his words—he said: “I love this guy. I called him, “Daddy,” almost from Day 1. He was important to me/valuable to me. He's still my dad—far more my dad in my life than my biological dad has ever been.”  Then these words came out of his mouth: “But I didn't respect him. Early on, my mom said to my stepdad, in front of us kids, ‘Hey, listen, if anything every goes wrong around here, I'm taking the kids and I'm leaving.'” See, that was a huge back-seat moment. She said to her husband, “I love my kids more than you, and I will choose them over you any day; so you better watch your step.” What this young man picked up, at the age of five or six, is that: “I don't have to respect him. Mom didn't respect him. He's not in the front seat; I am.”  Listen to how powerful that backseat moment was in undercutting the stepdad's role in the home. You don't ever want to say that to your spouse in front of the kids.  19:00 Rather, the message needs to be: “No, honey; you're in the front seat,” and “You and me—we're going to lead these kids from this moment forward.”  Dennis: And I would say: “Don't ever say the word, ‘divorce' or say ‘leave.' ‘We may have conflict, but we're going to stick it out for a lifetime.'”  Bob: Maybe a time out, but that's okay—it's different than leaving. Dennis: Exactly. I'll never forget flying on a lengthy flight, one time, with a young lady seated next to me. I struck up a conversation with her—she was on her way to her father's house—she said:” I have two homes. I spend one week in one place; one week in the other place,”—joint custody. I'm playing out this whole scenario of front seat/back seat. I mean, we just have to stop and say: “If divorce is about to cause your intact to be split up, we're talking about complexity here that kids should not have to deal with.  20:00 “They should not have to try to figure out who's in the front seat: ‘Where do I fit with mom?—with dad?—with her new spouse?—his new spouse?'”—etc. My heart went out to that young lady, thinking: “What must she think? What must be going on there? How could she be sorting through all the emotions that she was feeling?—the fear: wondering who she was / whose home did she belong to?” Ron: If there's any way to save a first marriage, do it! If there's any way to do that, seek reconciliation. Strive to make that relationship work, because you and your children are going to be walking out a tremendous amount of complexity and ambiguity if it ends in divorce. Dennis: I'd encourage our listeners to go to FamilyLife Today.com and check out the blended family section that's there. Read some articles, listen to other broadcasts, and also come and join us at a Weekend to Remember and get some training to head this stuff off at the pass.  21:00 You don't want to have to go through this. This is not the way marriage and family were designed, by God, to function.  Bob: You mention that you've written on this subject of putting your spouse in the front seat. We have a link on our website, at FamilyLife Today.com, to the articles that you've written; and we've got links to the books you've written. Again, there's information available, online, at FamilyLife Today.com. You and your team are working now on an event that's going to take place October 24th and 25th. This is our sixth annual Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. It's going to be happening in Little Rock. In addition to you speaking at the event, Linda Ranson Jacobs, who heads up Divorce Care for Kids, is going to be here; Dave and Meg Robbins will be speaking; Lamar and Ronnie Tyler; and others.  The focus this year is on parenting in complex families.  23:00 This is an event for pastors, church leaders, laymen and women—anybody who has a heart for step and blended families and wants to help those families thrive in local churches. They should plan to be in Little Rock October 24th and 25th for the 2018 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. There's information available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY if you have any questions. Again, the website—FamilyLife Today.com—sign up for the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry happening in October. I know this is a busy time of year for a lot of families, with people already back in school or heading back to school. Summer is winding [down]—school supplies/new clothes—I mean, all kinds of things that just crowd this part of the summer. I want to ask you, in the middle of the busyness, to do something. Here, at FamilyLife®, in the month of August, we've had friends of the ministry who have come along and offered to match every donation we receive this month—  24:00 —on a dollar-for-dollar basis—up to a total of $500,000. This is the last week of the month. If we're going to take full advantage of this matching-gift opportunity, we need to hear from as many FamilyLife Today listeners as possible this week. So in the midst of everything else that is going on, can I ask you to go online and make a donation to help support the ongoing work of this ministry?—or call if that's easier: 1-800-FL-TODAY—you can make a donation over the phone. When you give to FamilyLife, your money helps us take this message—this practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families—take it to more people more regularly. That's where the money goes. Again, your donation will be doubled if we can hear from this week; so go to FamilyLife Today.com to donate, or call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY.  When you do, we're going to say, “Thank you,” by sending a copy of Dennis and Barbara Rainey's new book, The Art of Parenting.  24:00 It's our thank-you gift for your support of this ministry. Especially this week, we want to say, “Thank you for getting in touch with us.” We hope you can join us back tomorrow. We're going to talk about how we can have conversations in this culture about Christian beliefs and Christian values without those conversations going south. Dr. Tim Muehlhoff from Biola University will be here to talk with us about that. I hope you can be here as well. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?   Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com  

On this week’s episode of the Raising Black Millionaires Show, we have Lamar Tyler, the co-creator of the multimedia company Tyler New Media; which he founded along with his wife, Ronnie Tyler.  Tyler New Media is the parent company responsible for bringing to you the mega blog/international brand BlackandMarriedWithKids.com; six  documentary blockbusters such as Generation One: The Search for Black Wealth (which features experts such as Patrice Washington, Deborah Owens, and Boyce Watkins, to name a few); AND they’re the same company that has brought to you Traffic Sales & Profit, the small business development company that helps small business owners bridge the gap between passion and profit by teaching them the techniques to grow the amount of traffic to their businesses and convert those leads to sales through digital means.  And that’s just some of this man’s accomplishments.  As a highly demanded speaker, he has spoken and taught at various churches, organizations, and for countless media outlets, such as: the Today Show, ESSENCE Magazine, Parenting Magazine and NPR, just to name a few. To follow Lamar on Twitter @LamarTyler; on Instagram @LamarTyler. Stay up to date on Lamar’s trainings and events by joining his Facebook group, Traffic Sales & Profit (TSP). Get the best tools on building and maintaining strong marriages and families in the Black community on Lamar’s marriage site Black and Married With Kids. Be sure to catch our After the Show Live where we’ll dive deeper into conversations with our guests and learn more about how to have great success in #RaisingBlackMillionaires.  To join us, just click this link and request to join our Raising Black Millionaires Parent Group on Facebook!  https://www.facebook.com/groups/671290283207429/ Don't forget to get your FREE ebook The 5 Can't-Miss Steps Parents Must Follow in Raising Black Millionaires: Easy-to-Use Strategies for the Everyday Working Parent.  Just click the link and get it NOW http://raisingblackmillionaires.com/5-steps

On this episode of the Switch, Pivot or Quit podcast, host Ahyiana Angel chats with a communication expert, Amber L. Wright, about her new book Can We Talk?: 10 Life Lessons on Finding Your Voice and Finding Yourself. Amber takes us through her journey from starting speaker coaching through Lamar and Ronnie Tyler of Black and Married with Kids, to taking her own voice off of mute, and not worrying about how people would respond to it, and just owning her truth and telling her story in her own way and in her own words.Amber's Website - http://talktoamber.comwww.SwitchPivotorQuit.com

Happy New Year and Welcome to 2016! Yes, we are back with a brand new episode, and it is a VERY SPECIAL one. That's because we're going to take a "listen" back, and celebrate season one of Gen X Amplified. For this special episode, we are going to showcase some of our most popular episodes, and even play some soundbites from the featured guests. I had such a blast chatting with each guest, and their were so many valuable nuggets and insightful stories that they shared. Now because timing, I needed to narrow down the episodes selected for this recap. And this was very, very hard! That's because every guest, every interview, and every story shared was extremely valuable and golden. So, I decided to primarily pick the episodes that were the most popular in terms downloads, feedback, shares, social media, etc. But again, it was very close, and at the end of the day - it’s really not about the number of downloads, It’s more about the impact that each episode and each guest delivers to YOU. So definitely go back and listen to ALL of the episodes, from 1 to 25, at your leisure.   Featured Guests/Episodes (in order as played): Episode 021: Gretchen Rubin on Habits and Being Better Than Before Episode 001: Chris Brogan on Generational Leadership in a New Media World Episode 016: Jay Papasan on The ONE Thing That Matters Most in Business and Life Episode 003: Paul C. Brunson on Entrepreneurship, Relationships, and Focusing on Self Episode 002: Dorie Clark on How to Stand Out and Build a Following Episode 018: Michael Port on How to Steal the Show and Own the Moment in Life Episode 023: Scott Monty on Social Media Strategy and Thought Leadership Episode 010: C.C. Chapman on Content Marketing and Making Amazing Things Happen Episode 011: Chris Ducker on Personal Branding, Outsourcing, and Becoming a Youpreneur Episode 015: Lucrecer Braxton on Photography, Podcasting, and Serving Others Episode 008: John Lee Dumas on Podcasting and Finding Your Zone of Genius Episode 019: Todd Henry on Becoming Louder Than Words with your Unique Voice Episode 005: Hal Elrod on the Miracle of a Morning Routine Episode 022: Lamar and Ronnie Tyler on Building an International Brand and Movement Episode 017: Michael O'Neal on Being a Solopreneur and Proudly Unemployable   Thank you for listening!

The process of starting a business can be both challenging and rewarding. But what about starting a business with your spouse and growing that business into a world recognized niche brand and movement. On this very special episode of Gen X Amplified, we not only have just one guest - but for the first time ever, we are speaking with a dynamic married couple - Lamar Tyler and Ronnie Tyler from the very popular blog: BlackandMarriedWithKids.com.   Lamar Tyler and Ronnie Tyler are the husband-and-wife power pair behind the very popular and internationally recognized brand, BlackandMarriedWithKids.com - which has become the largest independent, African American marriage and parenting website. They founded the website in 2007 after finding themselves frustrated with the negative images of black marriage in the media. Now recently, the website has grown from a small personal blog to an international brand with nearly 500,000 Facebook fans. Also through their company, Tyler New Media, Lamar directed and produced four Amazon best-selling films; Still Standing, Men Ain’t Boys, You Saved Me and Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage - which deals with the challenges and triumphs of marriage in the black community. Along with managing the very popular website and producing the films, Lamar and Ronnie travel the country speaking on parenting and marriage-related topics to a variety of media outlets, and give advice to aspiring bloggers on how to build their brands. As our featured guests on today's episode of Gen X Amplified, I chat with Lamar and Ronnie about their professional journey, the dynamic of balancing entrepreneurship and marriage, and also the methods they use to build such a massive brand and movement. Key Takeaways From This Episode: Why having a shared vision is essential for married couples looking to start a business together. How Lamar and Ronnie initially came up with the concept for a blog specifically targeting African-Americans families. Why listening to your audience and delivering consistent value can help you gain a massive following and spearhead a movement Why they decided to start with a self-hosted Wordpress platform for their website instead of a free alternative. The primary social media networks that Lamar and Ronnie use to grow their audience and drive traffic back to the website. Why email marketing is so important to nurture relationships and build your brand. And so much more! Awesome Resources from this Episode: Black and Married With Kids  Facebook Page Generation One  "Love and Happiness" by Al Green The Gatekeepers Are Gone by Lamar Tyler Lamar Tyler's Website (get a free copy of his book) Thank you for listening!  

Lamar tyler visits The Wealthy Speaker SHow to provide a behind the scenes look at the fourth installment of Tyler New Media, a movie titled 'Still Standing." This phenomenal movie has a star studded cast featuring Kindred the Family Soul, Speech (Emmy Award Winning Group Arrested Development), Yonda Thomas and Dr. Sherry L. Blake (Braxton Family Values). Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are creators of BlackandMarriedwithKids.com, the films Happily Ever After and You Saved Me. Advance Screening is taking place in five (5) cities, DC Advance Screening March 24, 8:00pm at the Publik Play House in Cheverly, Maryland. Register and attend the advance screening: 3/24/2012 - http://dcstillstanding.eventbrite.com Listen to Lamar live and call in with questons: (646) 595-4797 and or join us in the web chat room.

Producer and Director Lamar Tyler visits the Wealthy Speaker Show to provide a behind the scenes look at their new film - Still Standing: In Spite of It All Our Marriage Still Stands. This is one show you don't want to miss, Lamar and Ronnie are creators of BlackandMarriedwithKids.com, Happily Ever After and You Saved Me. Relax in your easy chair during this episode because the phenomenal cast starring couples: Kendrick the Family Soul, Speech (Arrested Development) and Yolando Thomas and Dr. Sherry L. Blake. Are you feeling just how amazing the film Still Standing is? Still Standing is another timeless love story featuring a diverse group of couples that provide transparent, and insightful conversation about what it  takes to have lasting power in current day marriages. You will discover how to work through infidelity, blended families, chronic illness, financial crisis and even more, these couples will share WHY and more importantly HOW they are STILL STANDING. Tune in to listen to Lamar Tyler at (646) 595-4797 and or join us in the web chat room. Advance Screening: Washington, DC March 24, 2012 Publick Playhouse Cheverly, MD  http://dcstillstanding.eventbrite.com/

Tyler New Media executive Ronnie Tyler stops by The Wealthy Speaker Show to discuss their latest projects, upcoming appearances at the Capital BookFest and provide feedback on their movie, "You Saved Me." New Media specializes in branding, social media, filmmaking and public speaking. Ronnie will also discuss BlackandMarriedWithKids.com. Tune in and listen to Ronnie Tyler share their latest programs, projects and ideas. Listen live at (646) 595-4797 and or join us in the web chat room http://www.blogtalkradio.com/paullawrencevann

On March 28th, viewers in 25 cities nationwide will attend the Black Marriage Day premiere of Tyler New Media's You Saved Me, a documentary taking an emotional, in-depth look into the marriages of eight African-American couples. A follow up to Essence bloggers Lamar and Ronnie Tyler's 2009 best selling documentary, Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me explores marriage's trials, changes, successes, and ultimately the individual healing that comes out of true love and commitment. Troubled by low marriage rates, high incidences of divorce, and a lack of positive images of Black marriage in the media, Lamar and Ronnie Tyler set out to counter negative stereotypes with their now award winning blog, Black and Married With Kids, and their first film, "Happily Ever After". African-American couples nationwide have embraced the Tyler's efforts, making their website the largest independent Black marriage and parenting site on the web and turning their first film into a best seller. The couple produced the highly anticipated You Saved Me in response to the overwhelmingly positive reaction to their first film, and the continued need to show real-life representations of marriage to Black audiences. You Saved Me will be released on DVD at Amazon.com on Monday March 29th. The movie trailer is available at www.yousavedmemovie.com. Capital BookFest presents the Maryland/DC area premiere at 3pm, Sunday March 28th at the Publick Playhouse, 5445 Landover Road in Cheverly, MD. This program is co-sponsored by M-NCPPC. For ticket and other information visit http://yousavedmemovie.eventbrite.com or call 301-343-1828.