Podcasts about like arrows

Joseph and his coat of many colors inspire today_s Arts-in-Craft_s section. At your next children_s ministry event give your young people rolls of colored crepe paper and have them make a _coat of many colors_ on one of their team mates. During Curriculum Corner we discuss the need for hands-on activities to help the male mind learn. Then we go to our interview with Tammy Largin, she gives us strategies for helping the baby sleep through the night or integrating a newborn into one_s mobile lifestyle. Finally, a parenting manual you will refer to over and over again.

As we think about Psalms 127 and the last verse that tells us that _children are like arrows in the hands of a warrior_ it gives us courage to see our children as God sees them. And then transitioning to our experiential learning section (Arts-n-Crafts) we help our children make a bow and arrow with popsicle sticks. In Curriculum Corner we discuss the verbal gender differences and provide strategies for teaching the male mind. Then we go to our interview with Tammy Largin and her book Children are like Arrows in the hands of a Warrior. She shares with us some of the ways to embrace God_s love for yourself so you can help your children find His love and grow their faith.

Rance Shuler     Prov. 13:22, 17:6; Psalm 127

Min. Karmen A. Booker shares this replay from 2022. This was one of her most popular nuggets, and we want to share it again for your growth in the Lord, and for your listening pleasure.

Min. Karmen A. Booker shares this replay from 2022. This was one of her most popular nuggets, and we want to share it again for your growth in the Lord, and for your listening pleasure.

Today's guest is someone I have been online friends with for many years, but finally got to meet her in person in March of this year at the NRB conference. Micah Hanson is such a beautiful person inside and out, who has been in the trenches covered in dirt and has fought to the other side with God at the helm. Once you hear her story, you will understand why I say that. She has battled from co-dependency and people pleasing, through a toxic relationship and illness to finally understand and walk in what God has planned for her life. You will see some part of yourself in her story, just as I did. After you listen, go connect with her! Bio: Micah Lynn Hanson was born in Costa Mesa, California, but moved to the small mountain town, Coeur d' Alene, Idaho, at a very young age. Growing up in a small town, and being the shy, introverted, “homeschooled kid”, it wasn't until her late teens that she discovered her talent and passion for the arts. Beginning in a small children's theatre musical production, in her hometown, she immediately fell in love with performing and she hasn't looked back since. God has truly guided each of her steps in this crazy industry and she has had the the privilege or playing everything from Belle in Disney's “Beauty and the Beast”, to Wednesday Addams, in “The Addams Family The Musical”, to getting to work with the Kendrick Brothers on their film OVERCOMER, as well as her leading role in their feature film “Like Arrows” opposite, Alan Powell (ABC's Quantico, The Song), as well as a co-star role in season 5 of CMT's NASHVILLE. She looks forward to continuing to tell powerful and meaningful stories, through her acting as well as producing her own projects in the future. Anchor Verses: Psalm 103:14 1 Peter 5:7, 10 The book of Psalms Connect with Micah: Website: www.micahhanson.com IG: www.instagram.com/micahlynnhanson ***This podcast is a proud member of the Spark Network! It is a network of Christian podcasts that cover so many different topics! Head over to: https://www.sparkmedia.ventures/spark-network#/ to find more amazing podcasts!!***

With over 18 years of experience as a writer, director, cinematographer, and editor, Kevin Peeples has been involved in films such as “Like Arrows” and the upcoming Kendrick Brothers film “Lifemark” (https://lifemarkmovie.com/).… AND We also spoke with veteran filmmaker Alex Kendrick, who wrote, produced, and even acted in “Lifemark” and has produced many films along with his brothers Stephen and Shannon."Lifemark" is the Kendrick Brother's first movie based on a true story and is a story that celebrates life, adoption, and family! The film is in theaters beginning September 9th, learn more and book tickets at https://lifemarkmovie.com/Stuart and Craig spoke with both of them while attending this year's Christian Worldview Film Festival.The inRoads podcast is a production of Appian Media, a non-profit video production company dedicated to using compelling media to re-engage people with the Bible. Learn more and support the mission at https://appianmedia.orgSupport the show

This week, it's time to finally talk about Stranger Things again. Also, we have some hot takes on the Horizon Zero Dawn series and we recap Livestream for the Cure 6.00:00:32 Intro00:11:17 What's Your Swill00:15:37 News00:28:40 Downstream00:38:04 Quick Hits: Love Death & Robots volume 300:44:19 Feature Review: Stranger Things season 4 part 100:57:28 Stranger Things season 4 part 1 spoilersOur intro and outro theme song is “Bitter” by Space Weather. Check them out by following their Twitter @SpaceWeatherUS. Also, make sure to listen to their new single here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0XeAlAq0js If you like our show and want to contribute monetarily, visit https://www.patreon.com/netflixnswill to contribute at any level, or you can buy our merch at https://www.redbubble.com/people/netflixnswill/shop?asc=u Join our Discord Server at https://discord.gg/krVVhFxrRk Listen to our Magic the Gathering Podcast, Stacking Triggers: https://www.netflixnswill.com/stmtg or follow the podcast at https://twitter.com/stmtgpodcast

A sermon series based on Psalm 127

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth. Psalm 127 : 4

Psalm 127:3-5 states: "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate. Parents, we should raise our children in the admonition of the Lord. It is like literally aiming them toward the source where they will have power granted by Almighty God through the Holy Spirit to ward off and withstand the attacks of the evil one. Min. Karmen shares this wonderful message as an encouragement to all who have raised children, that they are truly God's gift to the world.

Psalm 127:3-5 states: "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,So are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate. Parents, we should raise our children in the admonition of the Lord. It is like literally aiming them toward the source where they will have power granted by Almighty God through the Holy Spirit to ward off and withstand the attacks of the evil one. Min. Karmen shares this wonderful message as an encouragement to all who have raised children, that they are truly God's gift to the world.

Actress, Micah Lynn Hanson, shares her favorite Christmas movies, her experience with acting, and her journey from co-dependency to freedom. Disclosure: Affiliate links are used below. If you choose to purchase through the links, we may be compensated at no additional cost to you. See full disclosure policy. Theme Music: “I'll Dream of Christmas” written by Lisa Troyer and Dawn Yoder, courtesy of Circle of Friends. Show Sponsor: A Very Bavarian Christmas by Katie M. Reid, access the book club kit. Today's Guest: Micah Lynn Hanson is an actress who discovered her talents and passions for the arts in her late teens. She worked with the Kendrick Brothers on their film OVERCOMER, had a leading role in their feature film “Like Arrows” as well as a co-star role in season 5 of CMT's NASHVILLE. Don't miss her endearing performance in "A Match Made at Christmas." Things We Talk About: A Match Made at Christmas movie Made Like Martha book Overcomer movie Like Arrows movie Exodus 17:10-14 It's a Wonderful Life movie Elf movie The Holiday movie Miracle on 34th Street movie The Bells of St. Mary movie Micah on Facebook Micah on Instagram A Very Bavarian Christmas novel Today's Verse: Exodus 17:12  Connect with Us: The Martha + Mary Show webpage Podcast Group on Facebook: Martha and Mary Show Sisterhood IG Handles: @leenienhuis @katie_m_reid @micahlynnhanson Producer: Jeanna Lesausky Subscribe to the show and leave a rating and review.

God’s Mercy IS Everlasting God is good. And God is merciful. But do we really understand the amazing power behind the Mercy of God? In this episode, we will discuss God's mercy and the fact that He can forgive your sins if you just let Him. Thank you to …the movie Like Arrows. This family-friendly […] The post Special Replay: God’s Mercy appeared first on Ultimate Christian Podcast Radio Network.

After hearing Kaaleb's cry for help, Davi proceeds to the cliffside Sobrado to confront his father. While on route, he discovers an interesting sight at "Porto Do Biera Mar."

In honour of mother's day, I invite 2 amazing women who share their experiences on life as a single mom. You will hear about some of the challenges they have come across and how their faith encouraged them in raising their children.

Living Truth Christian Fellowship Podcast

Mary Smit has served in the film industry for 15 years. She is a professional makeup artist, and hair stylist, and has also worked in wardrobe. She has completed over 30 feature films including Mom's Night Out, Beyond the Mask, War Room, Like Arrows, and Overcomer and numerous short films, commercials and television work. Mary has a heart for raising up the next generation of filmmakers. When she's not filmmaking, she serves on her church's praise team. We hope you enjoy this episode of Film Fresh! Follow Mary on Instagram @merrysmitMary Smit's IMDBMary Smit's first film was Facing the Giants. Watch the trailer. Learn more about the AWANA church program Mary discussed.  Mary's favorite verse 2 Samuel 7:18Film Fresh is co-hosted by Chester Goad and Jared EasleyFollow Chester on Twitter @chesterwgoad  Follow Jared on Twitter @jaredeasleyFollow Film Fresh on Twitter @filmfreshpod       

Written by Monte Larrick Finally, 2020, the year many have proclaimed the Worst. Year. Ever, nears the finish line. Joining us for the last podcast of this extraordinary year is Ben Smith, the producer of Spotlight. Ben is a 20-year-old college sophomore, part-time employee of IFI and IFA, and the son of Executive Director, David Smith. Follow Ben on Twitter @realbs19. Our “eclectic conversation” includes a discussion of Michael Madigan's future in the Illinois House of Representatives, the perpetuation of racial division in America, the relevance of biblical authority, Ben's online interactions with Marxist professors and peers at the University of Southern California, the fate of religious freedom in a Biden-Harris administration, indoctrination in government schools and government intrusion in homeschooling, election integrity, the pandemic, President Trump's potential post-White House role in the Republican Party, and much more. As we close the books on 2020, please consider contributing to our triple impact Year-End Matching Grant Challenge. Click here to read how your donation will support the important work of Illinois Family Institute.

Written by Monte Larrick Finally, 2020, the year many have proclaimed the Worst. Year. Ever, nears the finish line. Joining us for the last podcast of this extraordinary year is Ben Smith, the producer of Spotlight. Ben is a 20-year-old college sophomore, part-time employee of IFI and IFA, and the son of Executive Director, David Smith. Follow Ben on Twitter @realbs19. Our “eclectic conversation” includes a discussion of Michael Madigan’s future in the Illinois House of Representatives, the perpetuation of racial division in America, the relevance of biblical authority, Ben’s online interactions with Marxist professors and peers at the University of Southern California, the fate of religious freedom in a Biden-Harris administration, indoctrination in government schools and government intrusion in homeschooling, election integrity, the pandemic, President Trump’s potential post-White House role in the Republican Party, and much more.… Continue Reading

HOW ARE YOU EQIPPING YOUR CHILDREN? ARE THEY BEING POSITIONED AS SOULTIONS TO LIFE'S PROBLEMS? IS YOUR ARROW SHARP? ARE YOU SKILLED AT HANDLING A BOW/ARROW?

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 1)The Art of Being a Wife (Part 2) - Building Up Your ManThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 3) - Praising the PositiveThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 4) - Embracing the DifferencesThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 5) - Leaning on GodThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 6) - Being His HelperThe Art of Being a Wife (Part 7) - Facing the StormsFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Facing the Storms Guest:                         Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       Letters to My Daughters (Day 1 of 1)Air date:                     December 26, 2018  Bob: To be the woman and the wife that God created you to be, you have to know how to walk by faith on the good days and on the dark days. Here's Barbara Rainey. Barbara: Most people who have been through suffering—whether it's shallow, small things or really deep, tragic things—can say, on the other side, “I didn't enjoy it; I didn't like it, but I knew God better as a result.” I've heard so many people say that. I would say it's true about us too. We've learned more about God in the valleys than we have on the high places and hills in the sunshine. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, December 26th. Our host is Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine. We'll spend time today exploring how a husband and wife can draw closer together and become one as they walk in the valley and in the path of suffering.  1:00 Stay with us. Welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. Anybody who has ever been to one of our Weekend to Remember® marriage getaways knows that—on Friday night, as we are getting underway—we spend some time talking about the common potholes that can derail or destabilize a marriage relationship. I think there are some things that are pretty standard/pretty common that can cause a marriage to wobble at high speeds. Dennis: We begin the conference with a message that is really about five threats to your oneness—five threats to your marriage—five threats to your marriage going the distance over your lifetime. 2:00 Bob: One of those threats is a failure to anticipate the unexpected trials that come into a marriage. It's not a question of whether unexpected trials will come into a marriage—but “How do you respond when they do?”—because all of us are going to hit them; aren't we? Dennis: Well, if you think about it—the vows are built—the traditional vows, “…in sickness and in health”—in financial success and in also being poor. I mean, the basis of what we promise, when we establish the marriage covenant, is that we're going to take the storm, head-on. We don't know what it will be; but we're pledging to one another to not quit but to keep on loving/keep on believing and make our marriage go the distance. Bob: And we are taking some time this week to talk with your wife, Barbara. Welcome back to FamilyLife Today.  Barbara: Thank you, Bob. 3:00 Bob: We're going to talk about some of those valleys and dark places that the two of you have walked together in 40-plus years of marriage and how you've not quit in the midst of that. Dennis: What Barbara has done is—she has taken the past, almost ten years, to complete a book to wives called Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife that is designed to be what it is. It's an older woman stepping into the life of a younger woman with sage advice/with seasoned advice—with the advice that comes after four decades of marriage. The way this book is constructed is—you end it with this subject that Bob's talking about here—the subject of suffering.  I guess I'd have to ask you, “Is that because of what you and I have been through?”—because we have been through some dark valleys together.  Barbara: Well, that's why it's in there; because it has been an integral part of our marriage relationship. It's in there because I think most brides/most young women get married with some— 4:00 —what I call “fairytale theology.” They get married, thinking that: “Everything is going to be great for us. We're not going to have difficulties. Yes; there will be some uncomfortable moments, but we're not going to really have hard stuff. We're going to—we're going to be great. We love each other, and everything's going to be great.” For those, who are Christians—like you and I were when we got married—we also start our marriages out, thinking: “You know, we believe in God. If we do it God's way, it's going to all be good. We're not going to have any hard things.” That was how I started our marriage—thinking: “A plus B equals C. If I obey God and I do these things that are in the Bible, then God, therefore, will give us an easy, nice life.” Bob: So do you have a new equation, now, if it's not “A plus B equals C”? What would you say to a young wife, who says, “If it's not that, what is it?” Barbara: There's a lot of algebra. [Laughter] Bob: Some calculus—[Laughter]—a little geometry. Barbara: And I don't know algebra very well, so I can't even give you the formula! [Laughter] 5:00 Dennis: We're laughing, but it's the hard stuff of life. This is a broken world. There is a heaven, and it's not here—it's not now.  Barbara: Yes. Dennis: God came, in the person of Jesus Christ, to give us an abundant life now and help us face these hardships—but it's like the funeral you and I participated in earlier this year—a dear couple that we love greatly, who buried the body of their 15-year-old son. It's unthinkable! Barbara: Yes. Dennis: No couple—standing at the altar, about to say their vows to each other—can even fathom the grief, the loss, the agony, the darkness of the valley. Yet, there are a lot of our listeners—who are in it right now, or who are about to go in it, or who have been in the valley and they've come out the other side—they're nodding their heads. Bob: One of the things I've heard you say before, Barbara, is knowing that those valleys are ahead—  6:00 —you don't know when they're coming; you don't know where they are—it could be months; it could be years before you head into one—but the time to prepare your marriage and the time to get ready to walk through the valley is not when you find yourself in it—it's while you're still walking in the sunlight. Barbara: Yes; I think that it also illustrates that the importance of building your marriage today, because we don't know how many days we have. Our days are all numbered, but we don't know what the last number is. That reminds us that today is the day we need to focus on. Today is the day we need to live, as if it were our last—even though that's hard to do in a practical way—but we need to focus on making our marriage all it can be today. Focus on getting to know Christ today; focus on growing today so that, when those hard times do come—and they will come—  7:00 — because Jesus said, “In this world, you will have trouble.” Period; done: “…you will have trouble.”  We don't like that—I never liked that verse—I always kind of wondered why it was even in there, but it is because He's telling us the truth—that we will have trouble, and we will have difficulty. The best way to prepare is to live each day on purpose and to live each day with focus and intentionality in your relationship. Dennis: You don't prepare for the storm in the middle of the storm. I will never forget a Green Beret, who came up to me at one of our Weekend to Remember marriage getaways, way back when we started FamilyLife®, years and years ago. He came up and said, “Dennis, as a Green Beret, we practice what to do in a crisis over, and over, and over again in training so that, when we were in the crisis, it was second nature—we knew what to do.” 8:00  I think what people need to look at—is look at the Bible as the training manual. We need to know how to live now in light of eternity. As a married couple, you have to know how to live together. We've been through some hard things in our family/some difficult challenges. It's true, Bob, husbands and wives do not suffer the same—they do not process grief in the same way. We're different, as male and female. I'm so glad that Barbara has this chapter in her book to coach women to know how to view suffering—how to view the valley in their marriage and not lose heart/not lose hope—but to not give up. Bob: Sometimes in a marriage, Barbara, we are plunged into a deep valley, where it's the kind of darkness we've talked about here—burying a child or—I know, for you and Dennis—the loss of a grandchild, years ago, was one of those deep valleys.  For a lot of wives, the valley is not as deep; but it's kind of a shallow, prolonged valley.  9:00 You wouldn't necessarily even call it suffering, but it's just a general discontentedness about life and where you are. It drags on you every day. If a wife is in that moment, where she's going, “This is not what I— Barbara: —“signed up for”? Bob: “It's not what I thought life was going to be. Barbara: Yes. Bob: “It's not what I thought marriage was going to be. I thought having kids would be more fun than this.” Barbara: Yes. Bob: What does she do in that moment? Barbara: Well, first of all, I want to say that that is suffering. It's just a different kind of suffering; because I think that is a common experience for many, many women. I think a lot of us go through seasons of life, whether it's because of hormones or it's because of the season that our kids are in. I remember a season like that for me, in the late teen years, before we became empty nesters. I remember being so exhausted every day.  10:00 I think there's a cumulative effect that a lot of mothers feel—it just kind of builds—so that by the time you're in your 40s or pushing 50, there's this general fatigue with life.  I think that is a kind of suffering, because we do live in a broken world. That is a difficult thing to deal with, because it affects everything about you—it affects your marriage, your kids that are still at home, your perception of yourself, your perception of life, your enjoyment of life. I think that those really can be called kinds of suffering.  So the answer—and I don't want this to sound like a pat answer, because there isn't a pat answer—but I think the bottom line is continuing to believe God—that He is in control and that this, too, shall pass. It's pulling back and looking at the big picture. I describe this as watercolor painting in my book; because one of the things about creating a painting is—you come up with an initial sketch— 11:00 —you've got to decide where the horizon line is, and what's going to be your focal point. Often, when you're doing a painting of any kind—and even a sculpture, although I don't do that; but I think the same principle is true with any kind of art—you have to pull back. One of the things that's important about doing a painting is—you walk six feet away and look from it—or maybe even farther—and you see the whole more clearly when you're away from it.  The same is true in our lives—we need to pull back—remind ourselves of the big picture: “God is in control. He still loves me. He's working good in my life, even though I don't see it or feel it; and I don't know what the outcome is going to be,” and “I can trust Him.” I think the message is, “Don't quit when it gets hard.” Our temptation is to want to run away when things get hard or when things get difficult—to escape from the pressure/escape from the pain—escape from whatever it is that you're feeling as a result of the suffering.  12:00 But God is saying: “No; stay there. I'm with you; I won't abandon you,” and “I'm going to use this for good.” Dennis: Back to the motif or the illustration of watercolors—I've watched—Bob, I've watched Barbara create paintings. It's fascinating how she shows off light. You would think that would be pretty simple; but to a non-artistic person like me, it's fascinating how you use dark colors to show off the light.  What Barbara's actually talking about here is—I think that God allows the darkness/God allows the valleys—He allows the disappointments/the unmet expectations—those things to come into our lives to create some contrast that will call us to trust Him. Because, frankly, if everything went our own way,—  Barbara: —we wouldn't need Him, and we wouldn't trust Him. Dennis: —we wouldn't need God. Barbara: Yes. Dennis: We could live our whole lives just being “happy.”  13:00 Well, you know what? That isn't going to happen! [Snicker] Barbara: Right.                                                                     Dennis: You're not going to be able to live “a happy life.” Bob: But I do think there are a lot of wives who, when they are not happy—they're in a prolonged season, where, “I just haven't felt happy for a while,”—they start to look around and go: “Okay; how come I'm not feeling happy?” and “Who's the cause of this?!” [Laughter] Guess who is the closest person there to take the blame for: “I'm not happy! It's got to be something he's doing! If he was doing his job, I'd be happy!”? Do you think that's right? Barbara: Do I think it is right that she's thinking that? Bob: Yes. Barbara: Well, no! It's not right that she's thinking that. [Laughter] Bob: Is it accurate that she might be thinking that? Barbara: Oh, I think it's common.  Bob: Yes! But it's not right. Barbara: But it's not right; yes. [Laughter] I mean, it's very easy to blame somebody else. That's one of the hard things about marriage—is that it's so easy for both of us, husband or wife—to blame the person who's right there because they're handy.  14:00 It's really easy to find fault and say, “Well, if you only…my life would be so much better.”  But that's not really what the reason is. The real reason is that God—because He's our Father; and He's a loving, kind, gracious Father—is so patient. He's saying to us: “You need this right now. This will be for your good right now. I know you don't like it; I know it doesn't feel good, but I've got purposes and I've got plans for you. You will be glad in the end.” Most people, who have been through suffering—whether it's shallow, small things or really deep, tragic things—can say, on the other side—“I didn't enjoy it; I didn't like it, but I knew God better—I came to know Him better as a result,” and “I wouldn't trade that for anything.” I've heard so many people say that, and I would say it's true about us too. We've learned more about God in the valleys than we have on the high places and hills in the sunshine. 15:00 Dennis: I just want to read a couple of passages, just based upon all Barbara is talking about here. If you're going through a hard time, I'd like to recommend the best-seller—the Bible—and the Book of 1 Peter, which was written to a group of people, who had been scattered and who were followers of Christ. They were called the diaspora—they were scattered saints, having to represent Christ in cultures that punished them for it. Barbara: Well, they weren't just scattered; because we tend to think of scattered as they are just living in different places—but they lost homes/possessions. I mean, they had really experienced some difficult traumas that we face today, when houses burn down, and we go bankrupt and we lose everything. That puts a little more context in what these people were living in.  Bob: They were refugees—not just scattered—but refugees. Barbara: Yes. Dennis: So I just want to read what God wanted to say to some folks, who were going through some hard times. Just listen to how God coaches and gently nudges people, who are in the valley— 16:00 —1 Peter, Chapter 3, verse 13: “Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts regard Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you, yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.”  But listen to this conclusion to this passage: “For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God's will, than for doing evil.”  17:00  You hear the Scripture calling us to have the right perspective of our valley. Don't just look at it from a human perspective. Wherever you are, maybe pull out this book and read 1 Peter, Chapter 3. Then, across the page, go look at Chapter 4, verse 12, and listen to what Peter says here: “Beloved, don't be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.”  [Laughter] I've got to stop there; because I think we, as human beings, are really odd. We think, when we get married, there's never going to be a valley. It's in the fine print of the marriage covenant: “You're going to go through testing/through trials.” But listen to this—verse 13 of Chapter 4: “But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when His glory is revealed.” 18:00 The Bible so calls us away from our temporary thinking—from how I'm feeling right now. It's calling you, not to live by feelings, but it's calling you to faith. Are you going to believe that that's true? As a couple, will you allow the things that are coming at you to bind your hearts to His—first of all, to God's—but then, secondly, to one another and not give up?—and as Barbara said, “…not quit and not toss the towel in.”  We're talking to people, right now, who have secretly, or maybe verbally, threatened divorce to their spouse—I mean, it is commonplace in our culture. [But] this is the biblical way to look at suffering, and the biblical way to run the race all the way to the finish line. Bob: Well, what I've heard both of you saying, throughout this, is—first of all: “Trials are coming, so be ready,” and “The way you get ready is by learning how to trust God in the sunshine so that, when you're in the valley, you've already learned what walking by faith looks like.  19:00 “You don't wait to get to the valley to learn.” Dennis: You don't wait ‘til the storm comes and it starts raining to go up on top of the roof to— Bob: —to fix the leak. Dennis: —to fix the leak. Bob: And then, the second thing is: “When you're in the valley and the circumstances are pressing, you have to pull back—step away from the painting/get the bigger picture—and counsel your own soul with what you know is true in the sunshine. Dennis: Yes. Barbara: Yes. Bob: “Preach it to yourself in the shadow,”—that's how Jesus walks through that with you.” A wife who finds herself in a season of suffering—whether it's the mild malaise we talked about earlier, where it's just discouragement, or whether it's a significant period of suffering—she has to counsel her own soul and remind herself of what's true and hang onto that.  Barbara: And she needs to realize that God wants to use the hard times for the good of her marriage.  20:00 It's not just for her good or her husband's good, or for the betterment of some circumstance; but God really wants to use these difficulties to help them, as a couple/a husband and a wife, grow closer together.  We suffer differently; we handle things differently, but that's part of what God wants to do to help us become more one—is for me to share what I'm feeling when we're suffering; and for me to listen to Dennis share what he's feeling; or when he doesn't share what he's feeling, to trust that God is at work in his soul. As we go through that experience together, it bonds us together more than on days when we're not struggling. Dennis: What I'd have to say to that is—I wish, at this point, I could reach through the radio—whether it's a phone, or a computer, or your car, or in your shop—wherever you're listening—and just put an arm around you and say, “Oh, we have such a shallow view of love!” 21:00 Barbara: Yes. Dennis: We think love is like the movies depict it—a couple walking off in the sunset, arm in arm, with the soft breeze, and the music swelling, and, you know, people applauding. The reality is—a lot of love is learned in the valley, where two people aren't feeling the same thing—where two people aren't finding a lot of romance; because there's no room in the valley, sometimes, for romance. It's where two people learn how to really love; because they meet the God of love in the valley, and they begin to understand He loves them—that's what they're supposed to reflect to one another. Bob: I think there are a lot of wives, who are really going to be helped as they get a chance to read your reflections on how God uses suffering in a marriage relationship and in a family—how God has used it in your life as you've gone through seasons of suffering. You write about this in your new book, Letters to My Daughters. 22:00 Barbara: Yes. Bob: We've got copies of the book in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center. You can order a copy from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get a copy. Again, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and look for the book, Letters to My Daughters, by Barbara Rainey. Order online or call to order: 1-800-358-6329—that's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.” Now, as we approach the start of a new year, we're asking FamilyLife Today listeners—those of you who are regular listeners and those of you who have been impacted by this ministry in 2018—we're asking you to join with us and help us begin 2019 in a strong, financially stable position. We've had some friends of the ministry, who have come to us this year and said, “We'd like to make available matching funds to encourage your regular listeners to make a yearend donation.”  23:00 So every dollar you donate is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, with money from this matching-gift fund. We hope to take full advantage of that. We have not hit the threshold yet; so if you're a regular listener, today's a great day for you to go online or to call and make a yearend donation. Our website is FamilyLife.com; our phone number is 1-800-FL-TODAY—1-800-358-6329.  If you make a donation today, we want to send you a thank-you gift—it's a copy of the Like Arrows movie that FamilyLife® produced earlier this year. It's a feature-length film—it was in theaters back a few months ago. It's not available for purchase yet, but the DVD is our gift to you when you help us with a yearend donation. We'd love to  hear from you today. Your donation will be matched, dollar for dollar; you'll get the Like Arrows DVD; and you'll be partnering with the ministry of FamilyLife Today as we go forward.  24:00 Again, donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. And be sure to be back with us, again, tomorrow when we're going to talk about parenting. We're actually going to take some calls from some of our Legacy Partners and interact over themes from Dennis and Barbara's new book, The Art of Parenting. They'll be here, along with FamilyLife's President, David Robbins, and his wife Meg. I hope you can be with us for all of that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru® Ministry.Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com    

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesGod is Enough (Part 1) - The Son is Enough For Your PastGod is Enough (Part 2) - The Father is Enough For Your PresentGod is Enough (Part 3) - The Holy Spirit is Enough for Your FutureFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. The Holy Spirit is Enough for Your Future Guest:                         Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       God is Enough (Day 3 of 3)Air date:                     August 3, 2018  Bob: Whatever you're facing today—whatever the challenges are—Barbara Rainey wants you to remember that you are not alone. God's Holy Spirit is with you everywhere you go. Barbara: In Romans He is our intercessor. The Holy Spirit is constantly praying for us, and I am so, so grateful, because there are many, many times in my life when I don't know what to pray—I don't know what to say—and He is praying for me—He is interceding for me before the Father. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, August 3rd. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  God's Spirit is described in Scripture as our Comforter—and there are days when we need to know He is there providing comfort. We'll hear more about that today from Barbara Rainey. Stay with us. And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us.  1:00 We've been hearing from your wife this week, and I've been thinking—this is really about those times in life when we find ourselves in the low places—in the valleys of life, when we're not on the mountaintop, when we're in the slog. The psalmist talks about the valley of the shadow of death. Sometimes it's not the shadow of death we're feeling, it's other shadows—but it's about times when life is dark and we're uncertain about where God is leading us or if He even is still with us. Dennis: We're in need of being reminded of the truth about God and who He is—and also that He has a plan for our lives and He can be trusted. I think sometimes, Bob, it's just as simple as that. We just need somebody reaching into our lives. I think in those times we need to avoid being isolated. Let me tell you—your enemy, in the midst of the low places—is the enemy of isolating yourself from other people who can remind you of the truth about God— 2:00 —the truth about yourself—and the truth about your future. You need friends. Every one of us has times—and I mean, some of them are game times. I mean, they're really, really tough—it feels like it's all on the line. Those are times when you can't isolate from other people and try to handle it yourself by gritting your teeth and say, “We're just going to persevere.” No, let some other people into your space, and share your sorrow, your worry—actually, what's going on in your heart. Bob: We're going to hear part three of a message from your wife, Barbara Rainey. She spoke to a group of women—not long ago—on the sufficiency of Christ to deal with issues from the past, issues we're facing in our present, and for the issues that are ahead for us—for the darkness that we may be walking into. One of the things she says in this message is that we need to recognize that Jesus—who has promised to be always with us and to never forsake us— 3:00 —is with us—by His Holy Spirit—as we head into the future. Here's Barbara. [Recorded message] Barbara: Number three: God the Holy Spirit is enough for my future. God the Holy Spirit is enough for my future. I've noticed through the years that the Bible talks a good bit about dwelling-places—about homes. In the Old Testament, God's residence on earth was the tabernacle. You remember they built that tent and they carried it around the wilderness and they rolled it up and they carried it and reset it up all over the place.  Then, during Solomon's reign, they built an actual, physical temple that never moved—it sat in one place. In that temple, God's presence lived in a particular room called the Holy of Holies. So God's presence was in one place—physically—on earth. But in John 1:1 it says, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God.” 4:00 Then in John 1:14 it says, “And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us.”So, when Jesus came and walked around the earth, He actually occupied a physical place on the planet, and His presence was way beyond that little square room inside the temple. God's presence was all over the land of Israel. God wasn't confined anymore to one room. In fact, Jesus's name—Immanuel—means “God with us.” But there was more change coming. Turn to John 14, and we're going to read some verses from the Last Supper. The context for these verses is Jesus's last words to His disciples. The end of His life was near—in fact—it was only 24 hours away. This was His last meal—and these were His last words to His dearest friends on earth. In those last words He introduced us to a new dwelling-place that He was going to give. John 14:16 and 17— 5:00 “And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever;” Forever! Jesus knew He was leaving, but He wanted to give them Someone who would be with them forever. Verse 17—“that is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it does not behold Him or know Him, but you know Him, because He abides with you and will be in you.” If you have a Bible that you can underline in—and maybe you can do it on your phone—I don't know how to do that yet—but in my real Bible I have underlined “with you” and “in you,”—both “with you” and “in you.”  Jesus knew that the next day He was going to be on the cross and He was going to be gone—and He knew His disciples were going to feel abandoned and forsaken. In fact, in the next verse—verse 18—He said, “I will not leave you as orphans.” He knew they were going to feel like orphans the next day—on Good Friday—so He promised them that He was going to send Someone who would be with them forever. 6:00 I love the concept of those two phrases in verse 17: He will be “with you” and “in you.” So, Jesus is here with me. He's all around me. He's before me, He's beside me, He's behind me, He's above me, He goes before me—but He's also in me.  I think today—as Christians—we're so used to that concept that we just kind of go, “Yes. Okay. He's with me.” But think about the magnitude of that—of the God of the universe—the Creator—coming to live within me?—so that He's not just next to me—but He's in me. I'm standing here with Jesus in me. The Spirit of Christ is in me, and He's in every one of you—with you. He's next to you and He's in you. That's a concept that I think we need to understand more—we need to appreciate more—we need to ask Him to reveal how important that is to us. 7:00 Paul explained this whole concept more clearly when he wrote that our bodies are the temple, the dwelling-place of God's Spirit. In 2nd Corinthians 6:16 Paul wrote, “For we are the temple of the living God.” We forget sometimes that God is living. The living God lives within me—and He lives within you. C.S. Lewis wrote this little paragraph about us being the temple, and I really have loved it. He wrote, “Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house.” He's come into all of us, right? He's living in every single one of us, and He wants to rule. He wants to be on the throne, He wants to change all of our lives. He wants to fix our houses. So, you think you understand what He's doing—you go, “Okay, I need some changing, I need some fixing up. Yes, I have some problems that need to be fixed.” You watch what He's doing.  8:00 C.S. Lewis writes it this way—“You think you understand what He is doing. He's getting the drains right, He's stopping the leaks in the roof, and so on. You knew those jobs needed doing, so you're not too terribly surprised; you're actually kind of glad that He is. But presently He starts knocking about the house in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense to you whatsoever. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house than the one you thought of. He's throwing up a new wing here, He's putting on an extra floor, He's running up towers and making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage, but He is building a palace that He intends to live in Himself.” I love that description, because He wants a palace, and so often I'm content with being who I am and who I want to be instead of realizing that my body—my person—who I am— 9:00 —is the temple, a dwelling-place—and He wants it to be a palace for His presence. I want you all to look with me for a few minutes at the Holy Spirit. I don't think we talk nearly enough about the Holy Spirit—I don't think we understand who He is. We think of Him as a ghost—and He's not—He's the third person of the Trinity. So, I want to introduce you a little bit more to the Holy Spirit in the time we have left. The Holy Spirit is enough for my tomorrows because He lives within me. He will never leave me and He will never forsake me, so I can know that no matter what tomorrow brings or next week brings, or next month or next year or ten years from now—He is never going to leave me—so He is enough for my tomorrows. The Holy Spirit is my dearest Friend and Companion. I have learned to talk to Him all the time throughout my days, because He is always with me. 10:00 It is He who lives within me—It is the Spirit of Christ who dwells inside of me. He is our Helper—we just read a verse where Jesus promised that He was the Helper. He is our Teacher—He said, “He will teach you all things.” He is our Friend. Number four—He is our Guide. In chapter 16 Jesus said that “the Holy Spirit will be your guide.” I talk to Him all the time as my guide. I say, “Holy Spirit—my Guide—I need You to show me what to do. I need You to lead me. I need You to show me what is next for me to do.” I love that He is my Guide. He is our Purifier. In John 16 Jesus talks about how the Holy Spirit will convict us of sin. It's a part of making our home—our body, our temple—into a pure and holy dwelling-place for the Spirit of God. He is our Pledge—He is our promise of things to come. 11:00 He is our Life. Romans 8:11 talks about how the Spirit—the Holy Spirit—gives us life. He is our Power. Jesus said this in Acts 1:8, “When the Holy Spirit comes, He will give you power.” He wants us to be aware of the power—He wants us to use His power.  In Romans, He is our Intercessor. The Holy Spirit is constantly praying for us, and I am so, so grateful, because there are many, many times in my life when I don't know what to pray, I don't know what to say, and He is praying for me. He is interceding for me before the Father.  Then the last one is in John 7, where Jesus said that the Holy Spirit is the Living Water. It means He's constantly bubbling up in my heart—He is constantly refreshing me with the living water. I want to ask you: Are you listening for His voice? I want to encourage you to be listening for the voice of the Holy Spirit. 12:00 As Sharon talked about the other night, He whispers, so we have to be attentive—we have to be close—we have to be paying attention. You can't know His voice if you don't know the language He speaks—and the language that the Holy Spirit speaks is God's Word. It says, “He will guide you into all truth,” God's Word—so the more you get into the Bible—the more you read His Word—the more Holy Spirit has to speak to you. So know His Word. I want to encourage you to talk to Him as a person—He is not a ghost—He is a person. I want us to pray for a minute about the Holy Spirit, and I'm going to talk to the Holy Spirit and model for you how you can talk to the Holy Spirit, too—if this is not something that you're used to doing. Let's pray. Holy Spirit, my Friend—my closest Companion—my Teacher, and my Guide, thank You that You never leave me or forsake me. 13:00 Thank You that You are my Guide. Oh, how I need You every moment of every day for my life—for I am often so lost and confused and unsure. Thank You that You will be present in my every tomorrow—as promised by Jesus before the cross. Teach me to know You and to recognize Your voice, to follow Your leading, to let You purify and transform my selfish, broken heart. In Jesus's name, Amen. As we close our session together, I want to turn to one more verse—and it's in Romans. When I was a brand new Christian this is one of the first verses that I ever memorized, and it continues to be an amazing verse in my life. Romans 12:1, “I urge you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies—”  14:00 —here we are talking about the temple again, where Jesus lives, but present your body “a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.” Does your body—the living dwelling-place of God—does it belong to Him? Does He have all of it? Does He have all of you? Are you daily surrendering to Him? Surrender is not a one-time thing. We need to surrender to Christ and to the leading of the Spirit every day—every moment of every day—in every situation with our kids, in every circumstance with our husbands, in every relationship with our friends or our church—or whatever it is. Surrender is a way of life—it's not a one-time event or a couple of times event—He wants us to surrender to Him every day—every minute of every day. 15:00 I want to ask—does He have access in your life to every room, every closet, every secret passageway, every back staircase, every corner of your life? Does He have access to every part of you? We're going to finish by singing a song that's one of my very favorites. It's an old hymn, but it's one of my very favorites, and part of the reason it's my favorite—one of my favorites—is because of the story behind it. The hymn is “It Is Well with My Soul.” I've already told Dennis I want it sung at my funeral. But the story of the song—in case you don't know it—is it was written by a man named Horatio Spafford, who was a businessman in Chicago in the late 1800s. He and his family were supposed to go to England to join Dwight Moody on a crusade in England. At the last minute, he was unable to go because of some business situations— 16:00 —and he said to his wife, “You and the children go on ahead, and I'll get the next ship.” Of course, they had no planes in those days—they went by ship. So his wife and children got on this ocean liner and sailed across the Atlantic to go to England. Not far from England they encountered a great storm, and the ship sank, and all his children died—but his wife lived, and she sent a telegram back that said, “All lost. I am alive,”—or something like that—very, very short. He came then—on the next ship. He got the telegram—and he knew—and he came on the next ship across the ocean. As he got to the spot where the drowning had happened, the captain came to him and said, “This is where the ship went down. This is where your four daughters died.” As he stood there and grieved and looked at the place where his children were now buried in the sea— 17:00 —he wrote the words to this song, and I have loved this song ever since I heard that story. I want you to take this with you—because this is what the Holy Spirit does for us. This is what God wants for us. He wants us to know that He is enough—no matter what—and when He is enough we can say, “It is well with my soul.” [Audrey Assad singing]  “When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,When sorrows like sea billows rollWhatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say It is well, it is well with my soul.” 18:00  “It is well With my soul,It is well, it is well with my soul.” [Studio] Bob: That is Audrey Assad and the song “It Is Well with My Soul,” which—whether you're dealing with challenges from the past or in the present or fear about the future—you can remember that when sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever your lot God has taught you to say, “It is well with your soul.” 19:00 Dennis: Bob, that is Barbara's favorite song. She's talked about in her message God being enough for our past, our present—and yes, Bob, sometimes, too—we look out to the horizon and we're not quite sure what's out there. I can just tell you, Barbara and I—we've lived a few days here in the past six months looking out to the horizon because—as you know—we stepped out of leadership of FamilyLife—and God is guiding us and taking steps of faith—trusting Him that He is enough and He has a plan for our lives.  This is just what I've been learning, okay? You never outgrow your need for faith. This message Barbara gave—it's not theory—she's talking about our future, and we're both looking at each other going, “How does this work?” We have felt for a number of years that FamilyLife—in order to reach the next generation—needed a younger leader.  20:00 David and Meg Robbins are those leaders. Many people say, “Congratulations on your retirement!” And I say, “No, no, no, no. We did not retire—we refired.” Bob: Yes. Dennis: Now, the question is—where are we refiring toward? Bob: Right. Dennis: We are going to have fun—but we are going to be about what God is up to in this generation. Bob: There's nothing in life that is certain other than the fact that there is a God who loves you and who has promised to never leave you or forsake you—He'll be with you. That's where our hope lies, and that's where we have to find our peace in the midst of uncertainty about the future. Dennis: I don't know who we're talking to and where they are in life, but let me tell you, you're not the only person going through something like you're experiencing right now. Everybody has a story. Some of them are epic—they're huge—they're big. I mean, you're facing a major fork in the road. Don't try to do it on your own. 21:00 The message of the Bible is God does love you—He does have a plan for your life—He has ordered your steps. You may wonder—as you step out in faith, “Will He be there?”—but that's the promise of the Psalms. I don't think I've ever spent more time in the Psalms than I have in the past six months, to just read the Psalms, meditate on the truth about who God is, and write my thoughts down as I go.  That's not solving all my problems, it's not settling all the issues, it doesn't mean there aren't moments of angst and worry and anxiety and frustration—but what's your alternative? What are you going to do? Are you going to try to control it yourself? That's not a good path—not at all. Bob: Yes. I'm sitting here thinking about somebody who may have a friend who is going through a time of doubt or discouragement. They may want to send a copy of Barbara's message to their friend. 22:00 You'll find the entire message available online at FamilyLifeToday.com. I want to mention, you and Barbara have just completed work on your book, The Art of Parenting. We don't have copies of it yet—but it is due in from the publisher sometime this month.  We want to make it available to our FamilyLife Today listeners as soon as it arrives, and here's what we're asking—during the month of August, we've had a friend of the ministry who has come along and said he will match any donation we receive as an end-of-summer donation. He will match it up to 500,000 dollars. So, if you can make a donation today in support of all that we're doing here at FamilyLife, your donation will be doubled—and as soon as we receive Dennis and Barbara's new book we'll send a copy to you as our thank you gift for supporting the ministry. You can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com—you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. 23:00 Or you can mail your donation—along with your request for the book—to FamilyLife Today, Box 7111, Little Rock, Arkansas; our zip code is 72223. Speaking of The Art of Parenting, there are a lot of couples, a lot of churches that are forming small groups or putting together church classes to go through The Art of Parenting™ video series this fall. There are some churches that are kicking off the event by showing our movie, “Like Arrows,”—the movie that was in theaters back a few months ago. If you'd like more information about The Art of Parenting video series, the eight-part series, and the movie that can be used as a kickoff event, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and the information is all available there. You can also sign up for the 30-day Parenting Prayer Challenge. As your kids head back to school, we want to prompt you every day with things you can be praying for as your kids get ready for the new school year. The prayer prompts are free. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com— 24:00 —for more information about the Prayer Challenge or about The Art of Parenting video series. We hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday, when we're going to hear from Brian Houseman about how we can be tech-savvy parents—and I think a lot of us could use some help with that; right? We'll talk about it Monday. Hope you can be with us for that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you on Monday for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow. Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com  

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesGod is Enough (Part 1) - The Son is Enough For Your PastGod is Enough (Part 2) - The Father is Enough For Your PresentGod is Enough (Part 3) - The Holy Spirit is Enough for Your FutureFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. The Father is Enough for Your Present Guest:                         Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       God is Enough (Day 2 of 3)Air date:                     August 2, 2018  Bob: Do you find yourself thinking that God is responsible for the blessings in your life and someone or something else is responsible for the trials and the challenges? Barbara Rainey says a careful reading of Scripture will lead you to a different conclusion. Barbara: “I am the Lord who creates darkness, who causes well-being and creates calamity.” I didn't like that so much. That felt really disconcerting to me. It was stunning—it was shocking. It's like, “God creates calamity?” For years I thought that the only person who created calamity was Satan, and I thought it only happened to bad people— not good people. I certainly didn't think God created calamity. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, August 2nd. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  Whether it's a sunny day where you are or there are storm clouds on your horizon, Barbara Rainey wants to remind you that God is in control. 1:00 Stay with us. And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. We're spending some time hearing from your wife this week about the sufficiency of God. You know, I think about what the Bible has to say about God having given us in His Word everything pertaining to life and godliness. It takes time—but over time, hopefully—we learn that once you realize God is all you have, then you realize God is all you need. Dennis: And He's patient with us as we come to that conclusion.  The cool thing is you're going to hear from a very wise woman whom I love dearly—Barbara Rainey. I was thinking, Bob, some of our listeners can remember this—most of them don't have any idea what I'm talking about—but there used to be an advertisement that started like this, “When E.F. Hutton talks, people listen.” Bob: I remember that, yes. 2:00 Dennis: Yes. Some of our listeners are going, “What's E.F. Hutton? Does it even exist today?” Bob: “Who was he talking about?” Dennis: He's a stockbroker. When Barbara talks, I listen, because she's very thoughtful—very precise—and I can promise you what you're about to hear in this message—and the first part of the message we've already heard—but she talks about how you can view the present and the future—as a woman or a man, as far as that goes—and trust God with what you're facing today. She's a real student of the Bible, so she has some really gritty stuff to say from the Scriptures. Bob: This was a message that she gave to a group of women at a retreat at The Cove—in Asheville, North Carolina recently—and it's all about God being enough. As you said, we've already heard about how God is enough for our past, and now we're going to hear about how He is enough for the present. Here's Barbara.  3:00 [Recorded message] Barbara: Number two—our second story—is going to show us God the Father is enough for our present tense—for our todays—every day.  When Dennis and I were raising our kids, one of the things that we did pretty regularly was we went out for a weekly date night. It was life for me. One night we went out for our weekly date night—we always did Sunday night because our church didn't have Sunday night services—and that was the easiest night for us to get away that was usually open on the calendar.  We—at that time—only had two teenagers left at home, they were 14 and 15. As we walked out the door for our weekly date night, we said to the girls—the two girls, “Now, you have homework to do, we want you to do your homework—we want you to get your work done, and then you can read a book—but no TV. Got it?” “Oh yes, sure, we got it.” Dennis and I walked out the door, and as we walked out the door— 4:00 —I called over my shoulder, before the door slammed, I said, “Don't forget, what did I say? No TV, right?” “Got it, no TV.” Dennis and I went to dinner, we were gone about three hours—maybe four—I don't know. We came home, and as we were coming in Dennis said to me—he looked at me and he said, “I'm going to turn the lights off on the car, and let's just kind of slide in quietly, stealthily, and see—let's just check on the girls.” [Laughter] So he turned off the lights and we rolled down the hill really quietly, turned the car in, and parked—of course, they didn't know we were there because they didn't see anybody coming. We got out of the car and we walked around to the front of the house. Our sidewalk went across the front, and we stopped in front of the dining room windows, and we looked in the dining room windows, and there, through the dining room windows, and beyond the dining room was our kitchen. In the dining room windows we could see this bright blue glow. [Laughter] It was a dead giveaway, and as we looked we could see they were propped up in the kitchen, glued to the television.   5:00 So Dennis said to me—he said, “You stay here and keep watching them through the window. I'm going to go around back and come in the back door, and you see what happens.” I said, “Great.” [Laughter] This is one of those times when parents get the upper edge, and it felt so good. I have to tell you, it felt so good, because I can't tell you how many times we had no idea who did what, who was right, who the guilty party was—and this time we knew. There was no dispute. So, he walked around to the back door, opened the door, jingled his keys for a while, and said, “Girls, we're home!” I mean, they jumped as quick as they could. The TV went off, the books were open, they were sitting there, studious, just little angels—little angels. [Laughter] He walked in and he said, “Girls, how was your evening?” “Great, great, great.” “So…did you get your homework done?” “Yes, we're working on it,” you know. “Did you watch any TV?” What do you think they said? 6:00 “Oh, no, we didn't watch any TV.” He said, “Are you sure?” “No, Dad—we didn't watch any TV.” “Okay,” he said. “I want you to turn around, look over your shoulder, and look out that window, and I want you to wave at your mom. [Laughter] “She's been standing there watching you watch TV.” [Laughter] They were toast.  I came in and we had a little conversation about it, and we decided—Dennis and I decided—that we were going to ground them for a month. First of all, they broke the rule—they were not supposed to watch TV—and they did. Secondly, they lied about it.  One of our standards for what we discipline for in our house was lying, and it comes from Proverbs chapter 6 that says, “These six things the Lord hates,” and then it says, “yes, seven,” and a lying tongue is one of the six things—seven things—that God hates.  7:00 We decided as parents early on—real early on—that we were going to discipline our kids for the things that God says He hates—and God says He hates a lying tongue. He also says He hates a haughty spirit and hands that shed innocent blood—and to me that meant kids that bite and hit and that kind of thing. Those are the things we disciplined for. They knew that lying was one of the things at the top of the list—so we grounded them for an entire month. They weren't happy, obviously. They felt like it was unfair. They felt like we were kind of over-the-top in grounding them for an entire month. They tried to negotiate with us. They're going, “Well, we didn't watch it for that long,” you know—that kind of thing. Do your kids ever do that? Negotiate? Mm-hmm. Yes. Let me ask you this: Do you ever negotiate with God?  I want us to look at a passage in the Old Testament, so turn with me in your Bibles to Isaiah 45.  8:00 I love this chapter in the Old Testament, and the context for this chapter is prophecy. In this chapter, God is foretelling something that is going to happen hundreds of years in the future. In this chapter, He repeats a statement about Himself four times, and this is what I want us to look at. Turn to Isaiah 45, and we're going to start in verse 22. I'm going to read backwards—which we don't normally do—but I have a reason for it. “Turn to me and be saved, all the ends of the earth, for I am God, and there is no other.” That's the repeated phrase. Verse 18, “For thus says the LORD, who created the heavens (He is the God who formed the earth and established it, He made it and did not create it a waste place), ‘I am the LORD, and there is no other.'” Number two. Number three is verse 5—“I am the LORD, and there is no other, besides Me there is no God.” 9:00 And then in verse 6 He says, “…that men may know, from the rising of the sun to the setting of the sun, that there is no one besides Me.” Four times God says it, and then He finishes at the end of verse 6 and says, “I am the LORD, and there is no other.” Now, I want us to read verse 7 together. Ready? It comes after the end of verse 6. It's actually a continuation of verse 6, because verse 6 doesn't end with a period, it ends with a comma. “I am the LORD, and there is no other, the One forming light and creating darkness, causing well-being and creating calamity? I am the LORD, who does all these things.” How did that make you feel when you read that? Maybe you've read that for the first time. I read it for the first time maybe ten or 15 years ago. “I am the LORD, who creates darkness, who causes well-being and creates calamity.”  10:00 I didn't like that so much! That felt really disconcerting to me. It was stunning—it was shocking. It's like, “God creates calamity?” For years I thought that the only person who created calamity was Satan, and I thought it only happened to bad people—not good people—and I certainly didn't think God created calamity. The thing that's interesting to me about this verse—well, a bunch of things are interesting—one is that I looked up the word “calamity,” and it's a Hebrew adjective that means “bad”—it means “adversity”—it means “affliction”. It's like, “Okay, it means what I think it means.” Then I looked up “create” and “cause,” and those two words mean “to fashion or to make” or “to accomplish”. So, “create calamity” means just what it says. Just like our teenage daughters, who felt our discipline was harsh—it was a calamity in their lives—but we gave it to them for their good, because we knew that they needed it.  11:00 Our teenagers felt like their suffering—which was caused by us for a whole month—was too extreme. They felt it was too unfair, but we had a higher good in mind. We were training them in righteousness. It's a great reminder to me of my relationship with God. I view things that He does—oftentimes—as bad, I don't like it—it feels unfair; it feels extreme. But God says, “I have a higher good in mind. I always have a higher good in mind.” He is always working for us for our good. At the heart of Isaiah 45:7 is the question of God's sovereignty. Is He in control—or not? It's a question we have to wrestle with—and answer. Do we believe He is in control, or not?  Then the second question is: Does He have the authority to decide what is good and what is not good?   12:00 We think we have the authority to decide what's good and not good—but God is the one who is in charge. Here's the third question: Can He do something that feels bad to us and still be loving? The answer is yes, because we did something that felt really bad to our girls. They didn't like it, they were restricted; it felt bad to them. It felt like a calamity to them, but we did it because we loved them. We had good in mind for them, we had a higher purpose in mind for them—and so God does for us. I'm going to read you something that's written in a Hebrew commentary that really was—I think is so well written—about this verse—just to put some of you at ease in your thinking, because this will say it much better than I can say it. “God does not just allow darkness and calamity and then blame someone else. 13:00 “He creates the problems of human history. Evil is not outside of God's control. He uses it without being dirtied by it. Let's stop trying to rescue God from a problem He created for Himself by claiming full mastery over all things. Let's not relieve God of His responsibilities as King of the universe.” —Isn't that good? — “The very thing that we humans perceive as a problem, God perceives as His glory. God owns the dark moments of life.” I love that—“God owns the dark moments of life.”  “He bends everything around for His saving purpose. When Isaiah wrote this so long ago, he did not overlook a problem or a difficulty that we brainy, modern people happen to notice.” —We tend to think that way; don't we? We think we're a whole lot smarter than those people who lived back in the Old Testament times. “Isaiah 45:7 is not an embarrassment—it's what we love about God.  14:00 Not even evil can frustrate Him, and His surprising strategies are our assurance. He is proving to us that, ‘I am the LORD, and there is no other.'” I hope that encourages you and comforts you and helps you make peace with this God of ours who is very, very good but who also isn't always safe. None of us know what the rest of today will bring. None of us know what the next hour will bring—we don't know what tomorrow will bring. We woke up with plans for our day this morning; didn't we? We knew what we were going to do next—we knew where we were going to go—we know what time we're going to leave here this morning. Someone else once woke up with plans for the day—thinking that everything was going to go as planned—and his name was Job. He got up one day expecting the usual, and by the time the day was over— 15:00 —everything in his life had changed. I used to not be a fan of Job, but I have really come to appreciate so much about this man and what he did and his response.  His response, at the end of his day, when he had learned that everything in his life had been taken away and ruined—all his children, all his livelihood, all his stock, his animals, everything was gone—“He said, ‘Naked I came from my mother's womb and naked I shall return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD.' Through all this Job did not sin, nor did he blame God.” He did not blame God. The thing that I find remarkable about this is that he said, “The LORD has taken away.”  He didn't say, “Satan has taken away.” He knew that God was ultimately in control—God was in charge—God was sovereign. God was the One who took all of that away, and he worshipped and praised Him. 16:00 Even though it hurt and he didn't like it—he praised God—because he knew God had good in mind.  I want that to be my response. When I read those verses—when I read what Job said, I want that to be my response when hard things come in my life. I don't mean to frighten any of you with this, because I used to be frightened by Job's story. I didn't want to read it. Kind of like the disciples, I didn't want to get close because I didn't want any of that to happen to me. I didn't like his story. I didn't like reading about calamity and hard things, because I didn't want to be touched by it. I wanted to be comfortable and I wanted to be pain-free in my life. I'm not intending to frighten you. I don't want anyone to walk out of here scared to death about the shoe dropping or whatever. But what I do want you to see is that when the day of calamity does come, He will be enough for you in that day.  17:00 He has been enough for me in a lot of calamities in my life, and I have learned that He is enough, and that's the most important thing for you to take away from here today, is that there will be hard times.  Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble.” Jesus doesn't lie. There are hard things, and He wants us to know that He will be enough—no matter what He brings our way. If He is enough for the day of calamity, He will be enough for my today—for my next hour, for this afternoon, for tonight—He will be enough for today. So my question for you is: Will you choose to believe that He is always acting with good and loving purposes for you? Will you see Him as He really is—not as you want Him to be? That was a big adjustment for me, because I wanted God to be a certain way. I wanted Him to be safe— 18:00 —and when I began to see that He isn't always safe it was good for me to see God as He really is. [Studio] Bob: Well, we've been listening to part two of a message from Barbara Rainey about God being enough in our lives. It's one thing to trust God when the storm has passed and to say, “You know what? God saw me through that and He can be trusted.” But when the wind is blowing and the rain is beating on the roof, there are times when we go, “God, are You here? Do You care?” We wonder; don't we? Dennis: We do. I just want to go somebody else who talked about the rain and the wind. It's Jesus—in Matthew 7:24. If this is where you are right now in the present—where Barbara was talking about—I want you to listen to what this might say to you, because these are the words of the Creator of the universe—Jesus Christ. 19:00 “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds—” yes, that's the winds Bob was talking about “—the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” I think the instruction of Christ is here, whatever you're facing—look outside the window, and if it's pouring outside, if the wind's pounding, if the floods are bursting against the house, it's going to reveal what your house has been built on. 20:00 Hearing the words of Christ and doing them—being a wise person, not a fool—don't be a fool and give up on God in the present. Bob: Okay, you have built your house on the rock—but you still experience anxiety. Dennis: Oh, yes. In fact—as you said that it's like, yes, you can build your house on the rock—but that doesn't make you exempt from feeling it when the storms hit. Bob: So, in those moments when there is fear—when you are anxious—how do you counsel your own heart in those moments? Dennis: I wish I could tell you I counsel my own heart perfectly. Sometimes it takes Barbara to come alongside me and remind me of the Truth. More than once in the past six months she's kind of come alongside me and just said, “Hey, God's not done with us—not done with you.” I think there are some spouses who need to realize the power of their words to remind their spouse of the truth. 21:00 Bob: Yes. Dennis: Your words can counsel—as Bob was talking about—counsel your soul—and on the other hand, you also can counsel your own soul. You can remind yourself of the truth. Has God said He's going to abandon you? No, He said He'd be with you, even to the end of the age. His presence will go with you. He has a plan. Ephesians 2:10, “We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” That's a pretty profound promise for the present. Bob: Well, and I think, in the middle of the storm, are you going to look at the weather radar or are you going to look at the One who controls the weather; right? That's the point of Barbara's message.  By the way, if our listeners have missed any part of the message and they'd like to listen to it in its entirety, we have the audio file online at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can download the message in its entirety. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.  22:00 We also have a link to Barbara's Ever Thine Home website with her blog and with other information about all that she is up to. You'll find that online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Let me also mention that Dennis and Barbara have just finished a new book called The Art of Parenting. It's a companion to the video series that we have produced that a lot of churches have started to use—a lot of small groups are planning to use this fall. The book has not arrived from the publisher yet, but if you can help us with a donation during the month of August we will put you at the front of the list—we'll get you a copy of the book as soon as it arrives. You'll be among the first to get this brand new book from Dennis and Barbara.  The month of August is a particularly good month to help with a donation, because we've had a friend of the ministry who has offered to match every donation we receive here at the end of summer with an equal donation of his own, up to a total of 500,000 dollars. We hope to take full advantage of this matching gift opportunity— 23:00 —and we hope to send out a lot of Art of Parenting books to FamilyLife Today listeners. So, would you consider making a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com? Or call to donate: 1-800-FL-TODAY. Or, request Dennis and Barbara's new book when you mail your donation to FamilyLife Today at Box 7111, Little Rock, Arkansas. Our zip code is 72223. If you'd like more information about the Art of Parenting™ video series or the online course that we've created or about how your church can use the movie “Like Arrows” as a kickoff event to launch Art of Parenting small groups or classes, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com—or give us a call at 1-800-FL-TODAY. And the last thing, don't forget to sign up to receive the daily prayer prompts we are sending out as a back-to-school 30-day Parenting Prayer Challenge. We will send you a prayer prompt every day for 30 days with specific things you can be praying for your children as they head back to elementary school or junior high, high school, college. Maybe you're grandparents and you'd like to be praying for your grandchildren. This prayer prompt works for you as well. Sign up—it's free. You'll find it online at FamilyLifeToday.com. And be sure to be back with us again tomorrow, when we'll hear more from Barbara Rainey about the sufficiency of Christ for our lives. Hope you can be with us for that. Thanks to our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. Have a great day. We will see you back  tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow. Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com  

Click Here to Listen to the other parts in the seriesGod is Enough (Part 1) - The Son is Enough For Your PastGod is Enough (Part 2) - The Father is Enough For Your PresentGod is Enough (Part 3) - The Holy Spirit is Enough for Your FutureFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. The Son is Enough for Your Past Guest:                         Barbara Rainey                    From the series:       God is Enough (Day 1 of 3)Air date:                     August 1, 2018  Bob: When an earthquake shook the ancient city of Philippi, there was one man whose life was immediately in crisis. He was the keeper of the jail in Philippi, and the earthquake had opened all the jail cells and let the prisoners free. He thought he would be executed because of his malfeasance—but the apostle Paul told him in that moment not to worry—but to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ. Believing on Jesus is central to what it means to be a Christian. Here's Barbara Rainey. Barbara: There are 84 uses of the word “believe” in the book of John—that's a lot of repetitions of one word. Jesus uses the word “believe” over and over again as a line in the sand, asking everyone in various ways, “Who do you believe that I am?” There's no middle ground with Jesus on belief. Either we believe—or we don't believe. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, August 1st.  1:00 Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  Someone has famously said, “When you finally get to the point where Jesus is all you have—you realize that Jesus is all you need.” We'll hear more about that today from Barbara Rainey. Stay with us. And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. Our listeners are going to get a chance to hear from your wife this week. Dennis: I just was thinking about that in fact, Bob. We've had a lot of really cool people on the broadcast, but I was thinking who my favorite guest is we've ever had here on FamilyLife Today. Bob: We know who the answer better be. [Laughter] Anything other than Barbara Rainey—you're in big trouble. Dennis: I am in trouble. But I really like her, and she really enjoyed speaking to a group of I think close to 300 women at The Cove in Asheville, North Carolina. Of course, that's a beautiful spot over there. Bob: Yes. 2:00 Dennis: It was springtime when she gave this message, and she not only loved the time, she was energized by the people she met—the radio listeners, people who had been to the Weekend to Remember®, those who've been through The Art of Marriage™ and looking forward to going through The Art of Parenting™—which we launched with the movie, Like Arrows—and we have a book coming out by the same name, The Art of Parenting. Bob: This is a message that God had put on her heart—which is all about the fact that God is enough for us. I remember she was looking forward to delivering this message because it's a part of her story; isn't it? Dennis: It is, and you'll hear her talk about it—all of us have disabilities. Some are seen—some aren't. Some folks walk with a limp. We have a son who that's a reality for him—as a man, husband, and father—but it's part of his story. Barbara shares a part of her story and where her disabilities were. Bob: Well, let's get right to it.  3:00 Here is Barbara Rainey and part one of a message on God being enough. [Recorded message] Barbara: How many of you have read The Chronicles of Narnia to your children or you've read it yourself? Most of you, but not everybody. Okay, this is going to be fun, because some of you are going to hear one of my favorite authors and something that he's written that I think is just as good for adults as it is for kids. I brought my The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe book, and I'm going to read us a little story this morning. This is the story of four children who found their way into another land through the back of a wardrobe. They were there, and here's what happened in chapter seven. [Barbara reads from The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe] “Sh! Look!” said Susan.  “‘What?' said Peter. “‘There's something moving among the trees—over there to the left.'  They all stared as hard as they could, and no one felt very comfortable. “There is goes again,” Susan said presently. 4:00 “I saw it that time too,” said Peter. “It's still there. Just behind that big tree.” “What is it?” asked Lucy, trying very hard not to sound nervous. [Barbara adds:] She was the youngest. [Continuing to read] …They all saw it this time, a whiskered furry face which had looked out at them from behind the tree. But this time it didn't draw back immediately. Instead, the animal put its paw against his mouth, just as humans put their finger on their lips when they're signalling you to be quiet. Then it disappeared again. The children all stood holding their breath. A moment later the stranger came out from behind the tree, glanced around as if it were afraid someone was watching… “Hush,” he said… “I know what it is,” said Peter, “it's a beaver. I saw the tail.” “It wants us to go to it,” said Susan, “and it is warning us not to make a noise.” “I know,” said Peter… So the children all got close together and walked up to the tree…and there, sure enough, they found the Beaver...” 5:00 The beaver said to them, “Are you the Sons of Adam and the Daughters of Eve?” it said. “We're some of them”' said Peter. “S-s-s-sh!” said the Beaver, “not so loud. We're not safe even here.” “‘Why, what are you afraid of?” said Peter. ‘There's no one here but ourselves.” “There are the trees,” said the Beaver. “They're always listening…” “[Then it signaled] to the children to stand as close…as they possibly could, so that their faces were actually tickled by its whiskers… “They say Aslan is on the move [he said]—perhaps he has already landed.” And now a very curious thing happened. None of the children knew who Aslan was any more than you do; but the moment the Beaver had spoken these words everyone felt quite different… “S-s-s-sh,” said the Beaver, “not here. I must bring you where we can have a real talk and also some dinner.” 6:00 So the children followed Mr. Beaver to his little home built out of sticks, they crawled in the home, and Mrs. Beaver was there cooking dinner. They sat down and they all had dinner, and they talked.  And after dinner was over, they said together, “…yes! Tell us about Aslan!” said several voices at once; for once again that strange feeling—like the first signs of spring, like good news, had come over them. “Who is Aslan?” said Susan. “Aslan?” said Mr. Beaver. “Why, don't you know? He's the King. He's the Lord—he's the Lord of the whole wood, but not often here, you understand. Never in my time or my father's time. But the word has reached us that he will come back. He is in Narnia…[and he will make everything right]...” “…But shall we see him?” asked Susan. “Why, Daughter of Eve, that's what I brought you hear for. I'm to lead you to…him,” said Mr. Beaver. “Is he a man?” asked Lucy. “Aslan a man!” said Mr. Beaver sternly. “Certainly not.”  7:00 “‘I tell you he is the King of the wood and the son of the great Emperor-Beyond-the-Sea. Don't you know who is the King of the Beasts? Aslan is a lion—the Lion, the great Lion.” “Ooh!” said Susan, “I'd thought he was a man. Is he safe? Is he—quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.” “That you will, dearie, and no mistake,”… “Then he isn't safe?” said Lucy. “Safe?” said Mr. Beaver. “Don't you hear what [we said to] you? Who said anything about safe? Of course he isn't safe. But he's good, I tell you. He is the King He is the King.” [End of Reading] So, we're going to talk about this God of ours, who is good—He is very good—but He isn't always safe.  All my life I've wanted a safe God. I don't know about you, but I've wanted a safe God that I could understand, a God I could figure out. 8:00 A God I could kind of put a formula to or some kind of system of rules to, so I knew how He worked—so it made sense to me. I've learned the truth of Mr. Beaver's words—that our God is very good—but He is also not always safe. But I have learned that He is enough for my past—and for my present—and for my future. This morning we're going to look at three different Scripture verses—about God the Father, one about God the Son, and about God the Holy Spirit—the Trinity—and we're going to look at who They really are. I'm hoping that as we do this we will be humbled before Their majesty and we will be led to worship. First, we're going to talk about God the Son and that He is enough for your past. God the Son is enough for your past—and we're going to look at a passage in the book of John.  But before we do that, I wanted to tell you that there's a context to this passage. In fact, there's a context to all of the ones we're going to read— 9:00 —because all of Scripture is written in the context of other things that are happening. There are two things of context that I want you to be aware of as we read it.  The first one is the word “believe.” There are 84 uses of the word “believe” in the book of John. That's a lot of repetitions of one word. Jesus uses the word “believe” over and over again as a line in the sand, asking everyone in various ways, “Who do you believe that I am?” There's no middle ground with Jesus on belief. Either we believe—or we don't believe—we're in unbelief. In the context of our lives—where we find ourselves today—Jesus is still asking us today, “Who do you believe that I am?” Interestingly, I looked up the word “believe” and in the Greek it's a feminine verb. I find it fascinating—I'm still hoping I can get to do some study on this more someday. 10:00 English doesn't have masculine and feminine assignments to all of our words—our words are just what they are—but there are a lot of languages that have masculine and feminine verbs—masculine and feminine adjectives and adverbs and nouns. Spanish does, Greek does, French does—a lot of them do.  In Greek, the word “believe” is a feminine noun—it means a conviction of truth—it means believing in God and divine things, with the idea of trusting and having holy fervor. It reminds me of the women who went to the tomb on Sunday morning. I think the women had a greater capacity to believe, and I think that's a part of the reason why the word “believe” is a feminine noun, because I think we do. I think that's why Eve believed the serpent—I think we have a greater capacity to believe.  Now, nobody has told me this who's a great theologian, but as I've looked at the way we're wired, the way we operate— 11:00 —one of the greatest gifts my husband says I've ever given to him is that I believe in him, and I've always believed in him. I believe in my children, and that belief empowers and fuels and strengthens those that we love. I think that the women who went to the tomb—their faith in who Jesus was was rewarded when they saw Him first. I think Jesus honored and recognized their faith—their quick-to-believe-in-Him faith—when they went to the tomb. So, the word “belief” is a part of the context of the story in John. Secondly—this story is in John chapter 9, so if you have your Bibles you can turn there now—but the timing of this story is really interesting—it's the halfway point of Jesus's ministry. Two months earlier, Jesus had just been in Jerusalem, and He had celebrated the Feast of Tabernacles. At the Feast of Tabernacles, He had claimed to be the light of the world—which created a ruckus among the Pharisees—but He had stood up and said, “I am the light of the world.” 12:00 Well, this story—in John chapter 9—is happening in the month of December, and in this month is the Feast of Lights—the festival of lights. We call it Hanukah—or we know it as Hanukah. We're going to look at the story of John chapter 9 real quickly. Verse 1 says, “And as he passed by, He saw a man blind from birth.” I want to talk for a couple of minutes about this man—who was blind from birth. First of all, Jesus saw this man. The man didn't see Him—because he was blind, he couldn't see—but Jesus saw this man, saw his need, saw his heart, recognized who he was, and he knew—because He was fully God—that this man had been blind from birth. He knew that he needed help. Now, think about this man in his life growing up—if he was born without sight—how did he function in the world? He had to have help for everything. 13:00 So, from the time he was born he was dependent on people for everything—for his food, for his clothing, for his sustenance, for everything. This man was needy. When we look at the passage, we think he was probably of age, which mean he was probably 30, because he was allowed to go into the temple. He was grown. I thought about—how did he feel as a kid growing up, or how did he feel as a teenager, or even as a young man? I would imagine he felt left out. My guess is there were times he was rejected. I think there were probably times he was made fun of. There were probably times when he was not allowed among the community of believers, because in those days anyone who had something wrong with them was unclean and they were cast out. I'm wondering if he was trying to get well. Did he have hope anymore that he would get well? I wonder if he had lost his initiative. But Jesus took the initiative to reach to him— 14:00 —which is what He has done in all of our lives. “We love because He first loved us.” Jesus loved this man and He reached out to him. Verse 2: “And His disciples asked Him, saying, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he should be born blind?'” I just love this, because this is so who we are. The disciples wanted to know not, “Are you going to heal him?”—not, “What are you thinking about this man?”—they wanted to know whose fault it was! Why did they want to know whose fault it was? Because they wanted to avoid a similar fate. I think it's an issue of control, quite frankly—they didn't trust God. We don't trust God, because we think we can manage this. We think we can control the circumstances if we just figure out what's really going on below the surface. Then verse 3, “Jesus answered and said, ‘It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was in order that the works of God might be displayed in him.'” 15:00 He didn't rebuke them for asking the question—He let them ask the question—and He turned it and showed them what the truth was. The truth was that God wanted His glory to be seen. He wanted those who were there to watch Jesus's power and who He really was. There's a verse that I think is really interesting—Exodus 4:11. God said to Moses, “Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?” Who was behind this man's blindness? It wasn't the parents' fault. It wasn't the man's fault. It was God, who wanted to do something to demonstrate who He was to people. God intentionally made this man blind—He intentionally subjected Him to decades of life with a handicap—a disability—and the man suffered for it. We don't like that kind of God, do we? 16:00 But the reason He did it—Jesus makes it really clear in verse 3—because God had a higher purpose in mind—to display His glory. As I thought about it I thought, “If the man had been born whole, he would have never experienced the wonder of being healed. But he lived with this blindness for so long that when Jesus healed him, he was exuberant.” If you read the rest of the chapter, he couldn't stop talking about it. He was jumping up and running around and telling everyone what had happened to him—and we would too; right? Now, I want to turn this to us. What handicap were you born with that has never left you since birth? My handicap was not anything physical that could be seen or measured, like blindness or deafness. My handicap—I always felt like—was that I was shy, and I was insecure, and I was quiet, and I wasn't comfortable with people. 17:00 I remember going through high school and noticing people who were really popular and they had fun and they talked easily, and I remember thinking, “Why can't I be more like those people?” I tried to be different and I couldn't break out of my shell, and it followed me all of my life. I always felt like if I didn't have this—if I wasn't made this way, if I wasn't made to be cautious and quiet and think things through, if I could be more like these other people—I would be happier, I would have more fun. People would like me, I could be popular. I remember one day years later. I was married, I had kids, and I was still struggling with this and feeling insecure—I just didn't like the way I was. I was driving somewhere, and I just had this thought out of the blue—which of course was God Himself—the Holy Spirit—He reminded me that it was important for me to be that way. He said, “You don't know what you escaped. You don't know what you were saved from— 18:00 —because you were not a part of that group of kids that you longed to be a part of.I went, “Yes, Lord. You're right.” I shared this story with a group of women about a month and a half ago at a retreat. We all shared what our handicap was. One woman said, “I always felt like the odd person in my family, because everybody else in my family—all my other siblings were just like my parents—and I was so different from anyone else. I always felt like the odd one out. I felt like I was a mistake my whole life.” I want you to think for a second: what were you born with that you have wished all of your life was not a part of who you are? You may never see the reason why God did this in your life this side of heaven—you may never experience dramatic healing like the man born blind—but you can know without question that God did not make a mistake in your life. You can know He meant it for your good, that the works of God might be displayed in you. 19:00 The story of the man born blind finishes with Jesus going and finding this man and asking him, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?” The blind man, who was now seeing, said, “Yes, I believe,” and he fell on his face and he worshipped Jesus. So, my question for you and for me: will you be like the blind man, who recognized his need, who believed God intended good for him—or will you be like the disciples, who wanted control? [Studio] Bob: Well, that is Barbara Rainey with a penetrating question right there. Dennis: That's a good question. Frankly, I was listening to her and I was going, “Whoa.” Bob: Yes. We all want some level of control in our lives. Dennis: We do. Bob: When things are out of control—nobody's comfortable in that situation. Dennis: Right. I got a letter from a friend who is struggling right now, and she just sent me a text to let me know that— 20:00 —it's really easy to say you can trust God, but it's really difficult to do it in the midst of the storm. Bob: Yes. Dennis: That's what Barbara's talking about here. When you're disciples, you still have the wrong conclusion that you are in control and somehow you can change your destiny. Bob: I know a lot of people look at their past and wonder if they are disqualified from being a part of God's family because of the past, yet the apostle Paul, I think, gives us the best evidence—that even if you were an accessory to murder—even if you hated the things of God, God can still welcome you into the family—and he tells us to forget what lies behind and to press on. Dennis: I'm sorry David—King David—sinned and committed adultery and murder and spoiled his son and on and on and on, but you know—there's great hope for all of us broken human beings to realize, God never gave up on him.  21:00 He never stopped loving David. He never stopped loving Paul—and met him on the road to Damascus. God may be after somebody right now who's on the road—and He may be after you and wants your whole heart. The question is: how will you answer what Barbara said—will you be like the blind man, who cries out—or will you negotiate with God and try to retain control? Bob: If you missed any portion of Barbara's message today or if you'd like to hear the message in its entirety you can go to our website—FamilyLifeToday.com—download the file, or listen online. Barbara's message is titled “God Is Enough for Our Past, Present, and Future.” Again, it's available online at FamilyLifeToday.com. There's also a link there to Barbara's blog and the Ever Thine Home® website. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com.  By the way, here in a few weeks we're going to be— 22:00 —releasing the brand new book that you and Barbara have written together, called The Art of Parenting. We wanted to let our listeners know, if you'd like to get a copy of this book as soon as it's available, we're sending it out early to those of you who can help us with a donation this month in support of this ministry. We've had a friend who has come to the ministry and offered to match any donation we receive during the month of August—dollar for dollar—up to a total of 500,000 dollars.  It's a great end-of-summer challenge for us here at the ministry, and we're trying to rally as many listeners as possible to be a part of this matching gift challenge. If you can help us, we will send you a copy of Dennis and Barbara's new book, The Art of Parenting, as soon as it's available. This book is a companion to The Art of Parenting video series that has recently been released. A lot of couples—a lot of churches are using this content in small groups or for parenting classes in the church. 23:00 In fact, some of the churches are showing our movie, “Like Arrows,” as a kickoff event to help launch these Art of Parenting classes. If you'd like information about that, you'll find it online at FamilyLifeToday.com, but if you can help with a donation today, we will send you an early copy of The Art of Parenting as soon as it's in from the publisher. Make your donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.  You can also mail your donation to us, along with your request for Dennis and Barbara's new book. Send your donation to FamilyLife Today at Box 7111, Little Rock, Arkansas; our zip code is 72223. Don't forget your donation will be matched dollar for dollar during the month of August, and we hope to hear from you. Finally, if you've not yet signed up for our back-to-school Prayer Challenge for parents, we want to send you 30 days of prayer prompts—via email—so that each day you have a new topic to be praying for your children as they get ready to head back to school. 24:00 Some kids are already back at it, in certain parts of the country. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and sign up for the 30-day Parenting Prayer Challenge and then look for those daily prayer prompts in your e-mail inbox. And be sure to join us back tomorrow. We will hear part two from Barbara Rainey about God being enough for our past, our present, and our future. That comes up tomorrow. Hope you can be with us for that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow. Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com  

Raise your hand if you’re ready for bow season? *raises hand* On this week’s Fist Full of Dirt podcast, we’ve got Toxey Haas joining us in the Camo Cave! Toxey is the man behind Mossy Oak and we’re talking all things bowhunting. He’s sharing some old school skills that come from decades spent in the woods.  

Musing on dropping my first child off at college and the powerful part parents have to play in releasing their children to the Lord. "Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth." Psalm 127:4   If this meant something to you, I'd love to connect. You can find me at amybphillips.com or justbelievepodcast on instagram. Subscribe for more weekly fear busting!  

For this episode of the Walking on Water Podcast, I'm honored to have Micah Lynn Hanson joining me. This is the first online interview so if you notice the audio sounds different, that's why for this episode. Micah is an actress who I met while she was living in Tennessee and she auditioned for my movie and we became friends. Along with Kate, Micah was one of the very first on my list of people I wanted on this podcast and I'm so glad we finally had an opening in our schedules to do this episode.Micah can be seen on the movies Overcomer, Like Arrows, Where is Good, among other productions. She is multitalented and I highly recommend you checking out her work soon, you won't be disappointed. The reason I wanted Micah on this show is because I wanted an actor initially, but I specifically wanted Micah because of her faith and how she lives that out loud. It doesn't take much reading into her social media accounts to see Micah has a heart for people, and that's because she has a heart for God and His will in her life. She details 1 story in this episode that will have you believing in miracles and that faith in God is worth everything in this life.We discuss the entertainment industry, advice Micah has for those interested in acting, and advice to young women everywhere. Along the way we discuss her faith, where she's coming from, what she wants to do, and how she wants God to guide her, even when the lessons are hard lessons.Thank you for downloading and listening to this episode. I hope you enjoy it, it makes you laugh, makes you think, and ultimately, it helps you grow your faith. My thanks to Micah for being such an amazing interview and I thank her for always being an inspiration to me and so many people. Remember, leave those 5* reviews, share, and subscribe to make sure you don't miss an episode of the WoWP. God blessRyan

Like Arrows in the hands of warrior are children born in one's youth --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/golidefm/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/golidefm/support

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Step-Grandparenting Guest:                         Ron Deal                   From the series:       Step-Grandparenting  Bob: When two families merge—when they blend—and now there are stepchildren and stepsiblings—one of the forgotten parts of this equation often, is the new step-grandparents. Here is Ron Deal.  Ron: Sometimes, when somebody else made a choice—and all of the sudden, you've got not just one, but maybe you've got five step-grandchildren—what if you had a bunch—what if you already thrown yourself relationship with your biological grandchildren, now you've got five more? It's like—“How do I fit all of this in? How do we do the finances?” I'm just saying—I've seen and been involved in situations where the step-grandparents just aren't terribly excited about this. That can be a disappointment to their adult child.  Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, July 30th. Our host is Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. Step-grandparenting can be tricky. We have some thoughts today from Ron Deal— 1:00 —on how to make it work more effectively. Stay with us.  And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. There was a conference back last fall for grandparents. We had some friends who put this together. We helped promote this event—a national conference of grandparenting.  Dennis: The Legacy Conference.  Bob: That's right. One of the speakers at the conference was Ron Deal who joins us in studio today and is the leader of FamilyLife Blended®. Ron, welcome back to FamilyLife Today.  Ron: Thank you.  Bob: You got invited to come and speak at this conference about step-grandparenting which, Dennis, I don't know if I ever even stopped to think about that subject—but that's an issue that a lot of families that all of the sudden find themselves in with very little preparation and very little coaching.  2:00 Dennis: I would say most grandparents feel overlooked when it comes to blending a family together; and I can't imagine what it would be like—to feel like—in some regards, you may be an outsider— Ron: Yes.  Dennis: —to get back in with grandkids that—at one point—you were their heros. You're hearing a lot about this subject as you speak around the country.  Ron: I am, Dennis. Bob, in preparation for that Legacy Conference, I did some homework. I do this every single day, but I was a little shocked to discover that 40-percent of families in the U.S. have a step-grandparent—40-percent! By the way, that's stat is 20 years old—it's old.  Dennis: So, it's likely higher.  Ron: It's likely much higher. The other thing that I found was that the prediction that demographers have is that by year 2030 in the U.S.—there will be one step-grandchild for every 1.7 biological grandchildren—less than 2 to 1 ratio. It is a very common experience. It's going to continue to be— 3:00 —a common experience—and of course, it touches all three of the generations.  Bob: Not just all three generations, but I'm thinking about all of the different permutations of what makes a stepfamily—and then how that expands to the grandparenting. So, if our son and daughter-in-law get a divorce, and now she is the custodial parent, where do we fit into that; right?  Ron: Exactly.  Bob: If there's an estrangement between our son and this daughter-in-law, we may be cut out of the picture— Ron: Right.  Bob: —with our grandkids.  Ron: What that means is that, at Christmastime, when you want time with your grandkids, there's probably four or five or six other sets of grandparents who, also want time with the grandkids. So, all of the sudden, life just got really complicated fast.  Bob: Then, I'm thinking about the other situation which is where our son or our daughter marries somebody who has been previously married and brings grandkids in, and we didn't just become new in-laws—we became new step-grandparents—and it happened in an instant.  4:00 So, instead of watching these kids be born, we're now step-grandparents to a 13-year-old and a 15-year-old that we haven't ever known before.  Ron: What if you have some real mixed feelings about that new relationship? By the way, this is one of the things we are hearing from people: “Hey, I have step-grandchildren. By the way, I also have some biological grandchildren. I've known them their whole lives, and they've known us—we have traditions and time together and all sorts of things. Now, I'm trying to figure out: “What do I do, and how do I find time for the step-grandchildren? But that relationship came about because my child”—let's say—"made some really poor decisions; and we have mixed feelings about those decisions.”  “Now, those decisions have resulted in them getting married and having stepchildren—that gives us step-grandchildren—we never really wanted this. It kind of feels like if we jump in as step-grandparents and throw ourselves into those relationships, that somehow, we're saying what my son or daughter did is okay.”  5:00 “We don't feel like it's okay. We're kind of stuck between, not wanting to give approval—but at the same time—the grandchildren shouldn't be the ones that suffer.”  That's the kind of difficulties that grandparents are finding themselves in—trying to wade through these waters and figure out what to do.  Dennis: You outline three different kinds of step-grandparents. There are step-grandparents who step into the life of a child and actually, are in a long-term relationship helping to raise that child to maturity.  Ron: Right. They've been in a long-term—we call them long-term step-grandparents, meaning maybe, they were a stepparent at a younger age; and they raised a stepchild, and that stepchild is now an adult, now married, now has children of their own. Technically, those are step-grandchildren to the grandparent; right? But you've been in their life since day-one.  6:00 That long-term step-grandparent, probably, has more of a relationship with their step-grandchildren like a biological grandparent would have with their biological grandchildren. It just feels more natural and more connected because of the length of the relationship.  Bob: Of course, all of this depends on the kind of relationship that the stepchild has with the stepparent because that's step-grandparenting is all incumbent on—“Are we still friends”— Ron: That's right.  Bob: —“with this child that we helped raise?”  Ron: Let's just kind of walk through the possibilities. On the one hand, let's say you have a great relationship with your stepchild who, now, becomes a parent. You have step-grandchildren. Odds are you're Grandma—end of story. That's going to be a wonderful, easy ride.  Maybe you have—on the other end of the continuum—a really awkward, difficult relationship with your stepchild who, now, has children. It can go one of two ways. What I see a lot is that all of the sudden, the step-grandchildren create an opportunity for connection.  7:00 They don't know you as anything different—they feel like you're Grandma to them or Grandpa to them. All of the sudden, it helps your relationship with your adult stepchild. They watch you be grandmother to their kids.  Dennis: By the way, if you want to win a parent's heart— Ron: There you go.  Bob: Yes. Dennis: —bless their child.  Ron: That's it.  Dennis: I mean find ways to build into their lives. I'm not talking about spoiling them with gifts. I'm talking about finding a way to encourage them, build them up, speak truth into their lives, and be an asset to them.  Ron: I hear from a lot of long-term step-grandparents who say, “You know what? My salvation with my stepchild was the grandkids. That was the backdoor that improved my relationship with them.” I say, “Amen! Hallelujah! Whatever it takes.” Pour into that grandchild, and all of the sudden, their parent is more appreciative of you than they've been before.  Dennis: What would you say to the person who is listening to our broadcast right now that would go—“That's me. I'm in that situation.” How can they take advantage of it?  8:00 Ron: You know it's the heart attitude of inclusion—and connectedness is always a good, positive thing. I mean, extending yourself in love generally works on your behalf—wouldn't we assume that as believers; right?  Dennis: Right.  Ron: Love conquers a lot of things. Now sometimes, you are not given permission to love. One of the barriers here for step-grandparents is that middle generation. Let's say you have a son or daughter or stepson—stepdaughter who blocks your ability to be a grandparent. Well, they can. They can just say, “No, the kids are not available”; “No, we're not going to come over and spend time on Sunday afternoon and have lunch. No—” They can do that, and that's really unfortunate—it's a heartbreak when that happens.  What I would say to that step-grandparent is “Okay, you have limited opportunity. Make the most of what you have and don't give up.”  Bob: I'd just throw in here— 9:00 —it can be our attitude: “I'm entitled to a relationship with my grandchild.” I think we've got to die to that entitlement at some point and go—“I can woo that. I can try to earn that. I can pray for that—but I'm going to have to let go of that sense of entitlement.”  Dennis: If you try to cash that chip in, you can alienate even further.  Ron: Yes. Yes, you certainly don't want to do that because then that just almost invites somebody to say, “Oh no you don't deserve”; right? Then, you've got them digging in their heels.  Bob: So, you've got long-term grandparenting. What's a second kind of grandparenting?  Ron: The second one we call inherited step-grandparents. Here is what's happened probably in your life. You've had a son or a daughter who made a choice to marry somebody who has kids. So, your son—let's just say that—your son has become a stepdad. Well, you just inherited step-grandchildren.  Now notice, this was not your choice. You're just cruising along in life. Your son made a choice to marry somebody with kids. 10:00 You didn't make that choice. You may be in favor of it. You may be happy about it—but at the same time, you didn't ask for grandkids—you didn't ask for this to be brought into your life.  I mean most grandparents are excited when they become grandparents. It's a little weird sometimes, to hear people say the very first-time, but—“Yes, I'm getting used to the idea.” Then they throw themselves into. Sometimes, when somebody else made a choice—and all of the sudden you've got not just one, but maybe you've got five step-grandchildren—what if you already had a bunch? What if you already had—you've already thrown yourself into relationships with your biological grandchildren—and now, you've got five more? It's like—“How do I fit all of this in? How do we do the finances?”  I'm just saying—I've seen and been involved in situations where the step-grandparents just aren't terribly excited about this. That can be a disappointment to their adult child.  Bob: We've got to keep in mind—you don't have an extended relationship with this new 11-year-old step-grandchild.  11:00 You don't know anything about what they like. You don't know anything about their history, for the most part. You are meeting them for the first-time at 11. They are not sure what to think about you.  Ron: —And you feel a little divided. You've got three other biological grandchildren. You do know what they like. You do have a relationship with them. Now, I'm supposed to take time away from them to invest time with this 11-year-old that I don't know?  Bob: —who is not sure he wants a relationship with you. The easiest thing to do for a step-grandparent in that situation is go—“Let's just back off and go where we're wanted” —but I hear you saying, “That may be the easiest thing to do, but that may not be the healthiest thing to do.”  Ron: I think we should always—I mean the life and times of Jesus Christ is a guy who walked around turning outsiders into insiders. Is that not the heart of the Gospel? People who were far from God, and He brings them near to God. He extends the hand of friendship, if you will. He extends love and grace to people who don't even know that they need it or want it.  12:00 That's the heart of our Savior.  I think anytime we do that in any situation—let's just paint a scenario like we were talking about before—let's say your son or daughter made a choice. It's a choice you didn't agree with. There are negative repercussions. You're not feeling great about it, but—bam!—you've got an 11-year-old step-granddaughter. I think you swallow hard, and you go—“Lord, help me be an influence in this 11-year-old's life—help us find ways of connecting—we've got to figure this out.” We don't just pull back and go—“Well, this shouldn't be, so I'm out of here.”  Dennis: I like where you are going with that, Ron, because I was just sitting back and thinking, “Most grandparents—when they are finally declared grandparents—are kind of wondering, ‘What's my assignment here?'” It's not necessarily cut and dried with every one of your adult children how they want you to be the grandparent in that situation. Then, you extrapolate the step-grandparenting assignment which that's a new category for a lot of people. 13:00 They don't even know—well, it's back to being dizzy again. Ron: Yes.  Dennis: “How do I relate to this person that's not biologically connected to me?”  Ron: You know here's a principle that I think would apply with both biological grandparenting as well as step-grandparenting: Define the relationship—we're going to have to have some conversations.  So, you go to your son or daughter; and you say, “Look, what role would you like for me to play? Here's what I would love to do. Here's where I'm interested. Here's my heart—my passion. How does that fit with you? Your schedule? Your needs? You have a wife or a husband to consider and their parents. Bring us in and give us some guidance so that we can come together and define what our role as grandparents look like.”  There is one other category, and it's what we call the later-life step-grandparent. This occurs when someone later in life marries somebody who is a grandparent. So, let's just paint a scenario.  14:00 You maybe, had a 30-year marriage, and your spouse dies. A few years go by, you're in your mid-60's—early 70's—and you fall in love again. You marry somebody who is a grandparent. You instantly have adult step-children and step-grandchildren.  Notice, you're the one who is motivated. You're the one who made the choice to marry this person. Typically, that step-grandparent is highly motivated to get to know all the generations—both the adult stepchildren as well the step-grandchildren—but the adult step-children and the step-grandchildren may not have any need for you whatsoever in their lives.  What we often find in this scenario is it's the adult children—now adult stepchildren—who go—“You know what? You're Dad's wife. You're not my mom, and you're not the grandmother to my kids. It's fine if you show up at Christmas, and we sure want you to cook the turkey at Thanksgiving— 15:00 —but don't step into that grandmother role. My mom was grandma—end of story. That adult child has a lot to say about whether or not that step-grandparent can play any role at all in the life of the family.  Bob: I just add to that—and we've talked about this before—patience—patience is a key virtue in all of this—and then grace. Keep in mind that your kids—your step-kids, their kids—everybody in this scenario has a context for what they are feeling. Loss has been a part of most of these people's experience—and when loss is a factor—that can pop up in some relationally challenging ways; right?  This is just where we have to be the people who say, “You know what? I'm going to give a ton of grace. When you start acting out of your loss and start getting angry”— 16:00 —“or frustrated or isolating yourself, I'm just going to go—‘Okay, there is a context for this, and I'm going to give a lot of grace here.'”  Ron: This later-life step-grandparent dynamic essentially creates what we call adult step-families. The person who gets caught in the middle of the bunch is the biological parent. Let's—back to our scenario—this man has married a woman later in his life—in their early 70's—and his children—they loved Mom. She was a wonderful woman in their life—and she will always be Mom—and to the grandchildren—she will always be Grandmother.  Dad can—he's got to be careful because if he's in a position of demanding that his kids welcome her as they would a mother—I just find that that backfires. He's got to be patient, too. Now, I also want the new step-grandmother in that scenario to not become so possessive. I've seen some situations where they look to their husband and say, “Look, if they don't invite me, then you can't go be with your kids either—and your grandkids.” 17:00 Oh! Wow! Dennis: Yes.  Ron: That will divide really, really fast. All that does is sabotage yourself in the family. You have to make some sacrifices. Keep the connections alive so that eventually they see you as an asset—somebody new to get to know and hopefully, they do extend themselves and invite you in.  Dennis: Parents in any family are gatekeepers— Ron: That's right.  Dennis: —to give grandparents access to their grandkids.  Bob: You've just started exploring this subject. I mean we've just touched the tip of the iceberg in talking about it today. Have you written much on this? Can you point us to where we can get additional help?  Ron: Yes, actually, a number of my resources do talk about adult stepfamilies and the step-grandparent dynamic. The most recent is Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily, which is a one-year devotional for blended families that talks about a variety of subjects as you walk through the year.  18:00 The Smart Stepfamily book and our DVD series that churches can use also will talk about some of these things. Then the books, The Smart Stepmom and The Smart Stepdad, each have chapters on these subjects.  Bob: Of course, we've got these resources available in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center, and listeners can go online and look for the right starting place—where would you say? The Smart Stepfamily?  Ron: The Smart Stepfamily would be a good start.  Bob: Yes.  Dennis: I'd encourage people to look at the book of James. James, Chapter 1, verses 2 through 8 would be a great passage of Scripture for any step-family. Let me just read it carefully: “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness and let steadfastness have its full effect that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”  19:00 Let me just say here—in all this conversation of feeling dizzy—I think this next command here in Scripture is really timely: “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him, but let him ask in faith with no doubting. For the one who doubts is like the wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord. He is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”  If you are in a step-family situation—whether you are a step-parent, a step-grandparent, a bio-parent—and you need wisdom, call on God. Ask Him to give you wisdom: “How do we handle this, Lord? This is so complex. We can't begin to sort through all the pieces of the puzzle here” —but God meets us at that point.  20:00 Bob: Yes. One of the things, Ron, that you have said is that you've got help on this subject. Folks can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. You've written books and articles—and again, there is information online at FamilyLifeToday.com.  You and your team are working—now—on an event that's going to take place October 24th and 25th. This is our 6th Annual Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. It's going to be happening in Little Rock. In addition to you speaking at the event, Linda Ranson Jacobs—who heads up divorce-care for kids is going to be here. Dave and Meg Robbins will be speaking—Lamar and Ronnie Tyler and others. The focus this year is on parenting in complex families.  As often as not, when you're talking about blended families, the issues that people are asking you about are parenting issues. That's what the focus will be. Now, this is an event for pastors, church leaders, laymen and women— 21:00 —anybody who has a heart for step and blended families and wants to help those families thrive in local churches—they should plan to be in Little Rock on October 24th and 25th for the 2018 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry.  There is information available online at FamilyLifeToday.com—or call 1-800-FL-TODAY if you have any questions. There is early-bird pricing available now—so get in touch with us quickly to take advantage of that. Again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com—sign up for the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry happening in October.  I know for some of our listeners, school has only been out for about five or six weeks now. For others of our listeners in other parts of the country, school is starting back up next week. Can you believe it? There are some folks headed back to elementary and junior high and high school as early as next week in some parts of the country.  22:00 That's why we're encouraging moms and dads now, to sign up for a 30-Day Prayer Challenge encouraging you to be praying for your children every day for the next 30 days as they head back to school—whether they are in kindergarten or whether they are in graduate school. We will send you a daily prayer-prompt via email. It'll give you Scripture and specific ideas on things to be praying for, for your children.  You can sign up for the 30-Day Prayer Challenge right now at FamilyLifeToday.com, and we'll get you started immediately with your daily prayer prompts. Here at FamilyLife we are all about trying to effectively develop godly marriages and families—and praying for our kids is one of the ways that that happens.  We're excited because there are a number of churches around the country who have already contacted us, and they are launching Art of Parenting™ groups this fall. In fact, some of them are kicking off the launch by showing the movie that we've put together called Like Arrows as a special church event.  23:00 If you'd like information about FamilyLife's Art of Parenting video series—or the movie, Like Arrows, again, go to our website—FamilyLifeToday.com. Maybe, talk to your church leadership about whether this is something you want to do in your local church—and then get in touch with us. You can call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY.  Let me just say a word of thanks to those of you who partner with us so that all that we're doing here at FamilyLife can actually happen. Those of you who are regular, monthly Legacy Partners and those of you who will from time to time help support the ministry with a donation—we are so grateful for your partnership.  In fact, we'd like to express our gratitude today—if you're able to help with a donation—by sending you a copy of the book that Dennis Rainey wrote recently called Choosing a Life That Matters. It's our gift to you when you go online to donate at FamilyLifeToday.com—or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation. You can also mail your donation, along with your request for the book. Write to FamilyLife Today at Box 7111,— 24:00 —Little Rock, Arkansas; our zip code is 72223.  Tomorrow, we want to introduce you to a father who has a rather unusual family—a large family. His name is Pastor Gennadiy—and you'll meet him tomorrow and hear about his 35 children. That comes up tomorrow. Hope you can be with us for that.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?   Copyright © FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com  

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Needs of Kids, Part 2 Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey                       From the series:       The Art of Parenting: What Kids Need (Day 3 of 3)                         Bob: While you're making sure today that your children are fed—that they've got something to wear—that they're doing their homework and that they're protected—Barbara Rainey wants you to remember there is an even higher priority that we should never lose sight of, as parents. Barbara: The number one thing that kids need from a mom and dad is to know how to have an authentic faith for themselves. They need a relationship with Jesus Christ, so that they can live for Him and take the message of Christ to their generation. What they need from you is to see it! Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, September 7th. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Your children are going to live forever, just like you are. That's why their spiritual condition is the most important thing we need to be focusing on, as parents. We'll talk more about that today with Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Stay with us. 1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. So one of the great things about learning about parenting from parents who've already done it is they've made the mistakes you don't have to make; right? [Laughter] Barbara: I wish it were that easy! Dennis: Well, we were parents. We still are parents, by the way. Bob: Right. Dennis: But we were parents in the thick of it for 28 straight years: six children—now, all adults; now, all married; lots of grandkids—[our kids] raising their own crew. I have to tell you, Bob—my hat goes off to them. Bob: Yes. Dennis: I think they're raising this generation in much more challenging days than we ever thought about. Bob: We've been taking time this week, and your wife Barbara is joining us. Barbara, welcome back. Barbara: Thank you, Bob. Bob: We are talking about parenting, because you guys have just finished a book called The Art of Parenting. The book is, really, the centerpiece of what has become a parenting initiative, here, at FamilyLife®.  2:00 It led to the video series—the Art of Parenting™—that churches are starting to use in small groups. People are using this in their living room with their neighbors, inviting them over for dinner and going through the video series. And this is what led to the movie that we produced, called Like Arrows, which is also going to be available very soon for people to purchase and to watch. I know a lot of our listeners did not get a chance to see it in theaters—they've been asking me, “When does it come out on DVD?” We'll have news for you about that soon. Your book, The Art of Parenting, is really the headwaters for all that we've been talking about here. We're spending time helping parents understand what their kids need from them. You put these needs in the form of tweets, and we've already covered half of your list of ten tweets. Do you want to go back through the first five that we covered? Dennis: I think it might be good; yes. Barbara: Except it starts with ten; so the first five, but it— Bob: Okay; we're counting down until we get to number one. [Laughter] Dennis: Number ten—it's: “A home that is not child-centric.” Bob: Your kids need the home they grow up in not to revolve around them. 3:00 Dennis: Exactly. Number nine—it's: “A home led by intentional and purposeful parents.” That means parents who are really thinking through where they are taking their kids— Bob: Yes. Dennis: —and “What is the target that they're going to release their arrow toward?” Bob: —not just in the moment—but you're thinking, long-term and strategically, with your kids. Barbara: Yes; you're thinking: “Why are we doing what we're doing? What's our goal?” Bob: Yes. Barbara: “Where are we headed?” Bob: Alright; what else? Dennis: Number eight: “A secure home.” Security is different than an alarm system. It's the security of a mom and dad, who are committed to one another, and who are committed to following Jesus Christ. Bob: It's emotional security. Barbara, that goes beyond a mom and a dad being together. It is part of how we communicate to our kids, “It's safe here for you to be who you are”; right? Barbara: Yes; and mom and dad model that by being committed to one another and having a love relationship with one another that spills over to their kids. Their kids feel that—they feel that security and that freedom to be who they are. 4:00 Dennis: Number seven: “Parents who pray together every day.” I believe this more than ever—parenting is a spiritual battle. Marriages and families are taking place on a spiritual battlefield today that is unseen, but you are in a battle over your child's soul. Bob: And let me just say—in August, we launched a “30-Day Parenting Prayer Challenge,” where moms and dads can sign up and get a prayer prompt every day that will give them things to be praying for their children. It's not too late to sign up for that. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com—give us your email address—and every day, for the next 30 days, we'll send you a prayer prompt. You can be praying, together, for your kids. Dennis: Number six: “Your child or children need parents who don't freak out when their children fail.” When they're developing a faith of their own, parents can be a shock-absorber/a safe place to share their doubts. Bob: Okay; we're to number five. So, Barbara, as we count down to number one, what's the number five tweet? 5:00 Barbara: Tweet number five is: “Parents who embrace God-given differences, as male and female.” The tweet goes on to say: “Men and women are made in the image of God, and yet we're very different. Your children need to see you relating to one another, working together as a team, and modeling maleness and femaleness.” Bob: We're going to talk more about this as we continue to talk about your book, but our kids need to understand their own identity— Barbara: Yes. Bob: —their own sense of the fact that God made them male or female and what that means. Part of the way they understand that is by seeing a mom and dad understand what it is to be a man or a woman and, then, model that for them. Barbara: Yes; and that's the best place for them to find that out—not out in the world, not from the school teacher, or kids on the playground. Their first and most important image of what it means to be a man / what it means to be a woman needs to come from mom and dad at home—seeing mom and dad relate to one another, day in and day out, year after year. 6:00 Bob: Yes. Dennis: And you don't have to do it perfectly.  Barbara: Of course not! Dennis: But you just have to—                                                                                                                     Barbara: And you won't. [Laughter] Dennis: No; you sure won't, but you have to have enough of an idea of: “What is manhood?” and “How is it different than being a woman/than womanhood?” God began the Book—the best-selling book in history, the Bible—with a very clear statement that there were two sexes: male and female—two different sexes, who were uniquely imbued with the image of God. Those distinctives of being a man / being a woman were meant to complement one another, especially in marriage. Bob: And this is something I know both of you spent a lot of time—thinking about, looking at the Scriptures, praying about, reading broadly on this subject—because you're not trying to encourage moms and dads to follow a stereotype when it comes to manhood and womanhood; right? Barbara: That's right.  7:00 We aren't. Actually, that chapter, where we talk most about this, was the hardest one we wrote. It was the one we finished last, because it is such a complicated and complex subject.  What we did, in that chapter—what we hope will be communicated as you read the book—is we went back to Genesis and looked at: “What was there in the beginning?” God doesn't tell us a lot, but there's enough there that we can begin to understand what His purpose was for men, what His purpose is for women, and how He made us different, and how we complement one another. There's purpose and order—and all kinds of things—that help us begin to understand what a woman is, and what she's supposed to do; and what a man is, and what he's supposed to do. Dennis: The fourth tweet in our ten count-down to number one is one that Barbara needs to comment on—not me. Barbara: “Children need a mom, who is a nurturer, lover, and a vigilant protector of her children.”  8:00 Your kids' souls need to be nourished by a mom, who understands her indispensability. Moms are indispensable. Mommas love, and believe in, and defend, and rescue, and encourage, and fight for their children like no one else on earth; so be there for them! It's the whole idea of being invested in your child. Moms—because we give birth to these kids; because we pour our lives into these children; because we believe in them, and we love them, and we care for them—we want the best for them. Sometimes, you have to fight for them, like a momma bear does her cubs. That's what your kids need from you. They need you to fight for them for what's best for them—for what they need—not just to give them the best privileges—that's not what I mean by fighting for them, but I mean fighting to protect them. 9:00 One of the stories I tell in the book is how I was vigilant about the messages and the images that came into my kids' eyes, and into their heads, and into their hearts. I monitored television like a hawk. We watched very little of it, and it was highly supervised; because I knew enough about my children to know that they didn't have the ability to process some of that stuff that was visually presented to them on television or in movies—even in music / in certain kinds of music. I wanted them to not experience some of that until they were mature enough to process it and understand it, as an adult. That was one of the ways that I protected my kids. Bob: Okay; so let me ask you—because some of our listeners are dads, raising their kids on their own. Barbara: Yes. Bob: Mom's not there, either because of death or divorce. There's not a mom in the home to be the vigilant defender, and protector, and guardian. What does that dad do? Dennis: I think he looks for some very influential mentors and women, who can nurture his children in a way that's appropriate in a relationship, going forward.  10:00 You're going to find those folks, not out in the marketplace, but in the church. I wouldn't do it causally. I would do it after a lot of prayer, and I would interview a few folks and I would make sure the person or the woman that I selected—or a couple of women, maybe—really emerged as those who had something to say to the next generation of children. Bob: This could be a teacher at school. Barbara: Yes. Bob: It could be somebody who is working with the youth group at church. Dennis: Right. Bob: You just give them a heads-up and say: “Hey, my son's in the youth group. We don't have a mom in the home. You could have influence in this area,”—just kind of nudge them to help you out here a little bit. Barbara: Well, I think it could be a relative too. I think there are a lot of grandparents in this generation, who are stepping in and providing those missing links, because there are so many families that are split by divorce or the death of a spouse; so there are a lot of grandparents.  11:00 I know of people our age—aunts and uncles of kids—who are doing that too. I think there are lots of opportunities out there; you just need to ask God to guide you. Bob: And we just have to say here—because of the climate we live in, you want to do this with eyes wide open. Barbara: Yes. Bob: Because to have an opposite sex mentor for your son, or even a same-sex mentor for your daughter, who's not a part of the family—you just want to make sure that you've done the vetting you're talking about, Dennis, and that you don't leave that relationship unattended. Dennis: I totally agree. Tweet number three: “Kids need a dad who is a servant-leader, a protector, and provider.” What we talk about here is how your children need to see what a real man does—how he pursues a relationship with God, his wife, and his children. I think this is a tough assignment, Bob, because modeling humble leadership / being a servant-leader really demands death to self.  12:00 I remember going home, on more than one occasion—I didn't want to die anymore. I didn't want to die to self! Bob: Right. Dennis: I wanted to go home and live for myself. But I think, to have the kind of home you're going to have to have today, you need to recognize your kids need to see a dad who can demonstrate what self-denial looks like—love his wife—but also, love his kids. Bob: And Barbara, again, in this culture, there are a lot of kids going home—to homes without a dad. The same advice applies here. Barbara: Yes. Bob: It's good to have coaches, or youth group leaders, or some uncles, or some grandparents, who can come along and model for your sons and your daughters what godly manhood looks like. Barbara: Exactly, because they need to see it. Honestly, they need to see it, most importantly, of course, with their dad; but they need glimpses of what it looks like with other men. 13:00 Great coaches have always been highly influential with young men, and so are teachers. There are stories—tons of stories—about teachers who have changed the life of students. Be involved with your kids with where they are. Try to get the right teacher for your child; try to get your kid involved in an activity that has a really good coach, that you know will model some things for your son—or even for your daughter—that will make a difference in their life. Bob: Yes. Dennis: School choice is always a debatable point between moms and dads— Bob: There's controversy there; yes. Dennis: —but also between families. Bob: Yes. Dennis: You and I, Bob, have done a lot of radio over the last 26 years, talking about the school choice issue. Barbara and I talked a lot about this. I remember, as a dad, just thinking, “I am called to be my children's protector as we send them to the public school,”—which is what we chose to do after much prayer, much discussion, and a lot of doubt, by the way. 14:00 I realized that if I was going to protect them, by sending them there, I had to be engaged at a far deeper level than if I sent them to “a safer” place. It was interesting what that extracted: meetings with teachers around delicate subjects that they were wanting to teach our children that we didn't agree with—needing to handle that in a diplomatic way in front of our kids. I'm a person of conviction and, you know, I don't mind sharing my convictions; but we've always got to be loving. As a dad, we can be protectors and do that in a shepherding way that is peaceful and can protect our kids as they go into harm's way. Bob: Okay; we're talking about what kids need from moms and dads as we're raising our children. This is from your new book, The Art of Parenting. We're down to tweet number two. Barbara: Tweet number two is: “Parents who have surrendered to Christ, because of His sacrificial love.”  15:00 There is really nothing more important for a mom and a dad, as we've hinted to and mentioned previously, than for a mom and dad to be surrendered to Christ; because if you are, He is your Master and you are following what He has to say. You are studying the Bible to find out what He has to say about parenting, what He's called you to do in your marriage, and what He's called you to do with your kids too. That creates a stability, in and of itself; because you aren't doing this flippantly. You're not raising them casually, but you understand the weight and the importance that God has put on you to raise the next generation so that your kids might grow up and be Christ-followers so that they might take Him to their generation. That weight gives you the impetus to want to do well and to do it God's way. Bob: The other way we could turn this around and say it is: “Kids don't need a mom and a dad, who are the blind leading the blind.”  16:00 You've got to know where God's leading you and, then, take your kids in that direction. Dennis: You know, Bob, we are watching a generation of young people, who are leaving the church when they graduate from high school. At least for the present time, they are not coming back. There are a lot of people asking the question, “Why is this happening?”  I believe, when your children do not see a faith that matches up with what you practice at church with what you're doing at home, there's a divorce that occurs. It's a divorce that a child tries to reconcile in his mind: “Why is it that mom and dad say they believe this at church, but they live like this at home?” That's not reconcilable to a child; but after 18 years, the reality is glaring—the parents aren't really in love with Jesus Christ.  If you go back to the Scriptures—Deuteronomy, Chapter 6—there's so much wisdom in this!  17:00 Listen to me! God commanded—to the nation of Israel through Moses—He says, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. And you shall teach your children…” the same thing—pass it on! You can't pass on what you don't possess. Children today desperately need to see their moms and dads attempt to be Christ-followers. Why do I say “attempt?” Because you're not going to do it perfectly. You are going to fail, and you're going to have to turn, on more than one occasion, and ask your kids to forgive you for being a poor model. I did that; Barbara did that. We'll talk more, in this series from the Art of Parenting, about that. I think, more than ever, children today need to see their parents with an authentic faith—a love for God and Christ that, again, is not perfect; but it doesn't quit! It's not a one day per week for one hour.  18:00 It's an attempt to live for Christ—and for His purposes and glory—seven days a week. Bob: Okay; so we've been going through our top-ten countdown. We're all the way to number one, so the top of the list for parents?—the thing kids—would you say: “This is what kids need most from a mom and dad”? Barbara: Yes; that's why we put it number one, actually. [Laughter] Bob: Yes. Barbara: And the number one thing that “Kids need from a mom and dad is to know how to have an authentic faith for themselves.” They need a relationship with Jesus Christ—that's your ultimate goal, as a mom and dad. And so, what they need from you is—they need to know how to do that.  As Dennis was just talking about, you'll need to ask your kids to forgive you more than once. I thought: “Yes! Like about a hundred times more than once—per kid!” [Laughter] That's how your children know that it's an authentic relationship; and that's how they know: “Oh, when I mess up—when I make a mistake / when I do something wrong—I can go to God and talk to Him, because my mom and dad have shown me how to do that. They've done it with me. I've watched them do it with each other.”  19:00 That's just such a normal part of our family life that they don't think anything about it—they know: “Oh, I can go talk to God about this problem. I can take my concerns and my fears to God, because we've been doing that my whole life.”  So the goal—the number one goal—is to lead your children to Christ so that they can live for Him and take the message of Christ to their generation. What they need from you is to see it! Bob: And we can't guarantee. There's not a formula here to make sure your kids are going to follow Christ, but we can be faithful to what God's called us to. Dennis: That's right! We didn't do it perfectly—we've already said that. But what we did attempt to model is a word we don't talk about much, certainly within the Christian community—it's the word, “repent.” Repent means you turn and do a 180. Bob: Yes. Dennis: You turn from going the wrong way to turn to God, and admit you've been going the wrong way, and go His way.  20:00 That's what children need to see / that's what children need to hear. How do you do that?! You know they're going to fail. You know they're going to sin! They need to know: “How do I handle my sin, as a follower of Christ, going forward?” Bob: You guys—I assume you're okay with us putting these top ten tweets on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com— Dennis: Absolutely! Bob: —so that parents can download this. Barbara: Yes. Bob: They can look at this and they can have dialogue/conversation about: “How are we doing in these areas? What needs adjustment?” Dennis: And what I would say, here, at the close of the broadcast—if you haven't taken a look at the Art of Parenting video series—it's for small groups—it's for a pair of parents to get together with four or five other couples and to experience community and to go through content that's going to open you up to talk with other parents. You need to do this! 21:00 There are going to be hundreds of thousands of homes—and maybe millions of children impacted—by the parents who go through this brand-new video series. If you're looking for a way to grow and apply what we're talking about here, this is how you do it. Bob: Yes; there is a version of the Art of Parenting video series that's available as an online course that moms and dads can go through together for free. You can find out more about that on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. We think it's probably best for you to get together with other parents and go through the video series together—have the workbook; interact / talk about the issues you're facing, as parents; and help one another in the process. Find out about the Art of Parenting small group kit when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com as well; and then, of course, your new book, The Art of Parenting, is going to be here any day. If folks want to pre-order a copy of the book, they can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to pre-order; or they can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get on the list to receive the book as soon as it arrives.  22:00 Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-358-6329—that's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.” You know, if you are a regular FamilyLife Today listener—if you've been on our website and looked at the articles that are available / the resources we have there, if you have been to any of our events, or if you've used any of the materials that FamilyLife has produced and created—you need to thank one of our Legacy Partners. FamilyLife Today Legacy Partners and those of you who donate, from time to time, to support this ministry—you are the ones who make all that we do, here, at FamilyLife possible. There are hundreds of thousands of people who have engaged with us today around parenting all because of you. On behalf of all who have listened today, and throughout this week, and this month, and this year—those who have been online / those who have been to our events—we just want to say: “Thank you for your partnership with the ministry of FamilyLife Today.  23:00 “We couldn't do what we do without you.” If you're a regular listener, and you've never made a donation to support FamilyLife Today, let me just say—we want to make sure that, as you think about giving to our ministry, you don't do anything to take away from your financial support of your local church. Giving to your local church needs to be your number one priority when it comes to financial support. But, beyond that, if you're able to help with ministries like ours, we'd love to have you be a part of the FamilyLife team.  You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. And if you make a donation this month, we'd like to send you, as a thank-you gift, a book from our friend, Bryan Loritts, called A Cross-Shaped Gospel. It's a powerful new book that Bryan has written—we'd love to get a copy in your hands. You can request it when you donate at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FLTODAY to make a donation. Again, thanks for your support of the ministry. 24:00 And we hope you have a great weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend. And I hope you can join us back again on Monday when we're going to meet D.A. and Elisia Horton. This is a couple who, if you had met them during the first year of their marriage, or during their courtship for that matter, you'd have thought, “No way can this couple survive as husband and wife!” But they've learned some things along the way, and they'll be here to share that with us. I hope you can be here as well. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?   Copyright © 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Needs of Kids, Part 1 Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey                       From the series:       The Art of Parenting: What Kids Need (Day 2 of 3)  Bob: Your kids need you to be a parent. Here's Barbara Rainey.  Barbara: I think there is a movement / I think there is a common thinking today in parents that I see that mom and dad need to be buddies with their kids—they need to be friends / they need to be pals. There's nothing wrong with having that kind of a relationship—like if you go camping or you go to the park—you're going to play together; you're going to do some things together; you're going to get down on the same level; but that isn't the posture that you need to have, as a parent, all the time.  Homes do not need to be child-centric. Homes need to be God-centric, and then mom and dad need to be in charge and directing the life of their child—not being dictated by the children. You need to train your child that he's not the center of the universe, and that's the difference—is helping them begin to understand that they're not in control; they're not in charge.  1:00 They do have needs; they do have wants; and they do have feelings; but they aren't / don't always have to be met immediately.  Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, September 6th. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Your kids need to know that you love them, and that you care about them, and that you are their friend; but they need to know, first, that you are their parent and that you have authority over them. We're going to talk more about that today with Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Stay with us.  And welcome to FamilyLife Today.  2:00 Thanks for joining us. You know, if you stop and think about it, there is a reason that God, in His wisdom, gave kids to moms and dads.  Dennis: Oh, you think? [Laughter] Why do you think He did that, Bob?  Bob: Well, I've been reading your book; so I know the answer to why He did that. [Laughter] Kids need a mom and a dad to do what moms and dads are supposed to do so that the kids grow up with an understanding of who they are and what they are all about; don't they?  Dennis: Psalm 127, verses 3-5 say this—listen carefully—some parents who I read this to right now don't believe this, because they have real problems with their kids—we understand that: “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them. He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”  3:00 Children are a gift to be received. They are arrows to be raised; and then they are also arrows that were meant to be released. They were not designed to stay in the quiver; they were meant to be designed for a target.  Bob: And if parents are going to raise their kids successfully, they need to know what their assignment is.  Your wife Barbara is back again today. Barbara, welcome back to FamilyLife Today.  Barbara: Thank you, Bob.  Bob: Do you think most moms and dads start the parenting journey understanding what it is that they are supposed to do?  Barbara: Probably not. I would say they probably have some ideas of what they want to do. I think they probably have some ideas of what they don't want to do / what they don't want to repeat. Most young couples come in and say, “I'm not going to do it the way my parents did,”— Bob: Right.  Barbara: —or “I don't want to do it the way I saw it done by So-and-so.”  I think they have a vague, general idea; but parenting is such a hands-on learning experiencing.  4:00 I often say that a woman can read a dozen books—on how to have a baby, what's it's like to have a baby, what's happening inside, what you can expect—but until she actually goes through the experience, it's all theory. In some ways, that's true with parenting, too; because you can read tons of books; but once you get in there—and you know who your kids are / you know who you are; and you're beginning to figure out, “How do we work together?”—then, that's when you really need to have practical help.  Bob: My preparation for parenting happened over six summers from 1972 until 1977.  Dennis: Boy Scouts?  Bob: It was YMCA Camp Lakewood in Potosi, Missouri.  Dennis: I was close; I was close!  Bob: I was a camp counselor for many years at Camp Lakewood. As we would have kids come into the cabin, it was my job to take care of those kids for the week. I caught on: “Here's the big idea of parenting. You want your kids to have a blast every day and sleep well at night.” [Laughter]  Dennis: —“and be clothed.”  5:00 Bob: “You feed them, and you make sure they get to the bathroom”; but you—the whole idea is to have fun. I really think, when we had our kids, that's what I reverted to: “My job here is to make sure that they have a fun time in life— Barbara: —“and they are tired at night.”  Bob: —“and they are tired at night. They sleep all night long.”  There is a little more to it than just your kids having fun.  Dennis: There is. I'm glad you illustrated that, because I would have said that was mine as well. You would say that for— Barbara: What?—that I would say that was your expectation?  Dennis: Yes; wouldn't you say that?  Barbara: Probably; yes.  Bob: His goal was fun with the kids?  Barbara: Yes; for sure.  Dennis: Yes; she would see me come in after work and says: “You're just always having fun with the kids! I've been here all day with these— Barbara: Problem-solving, constantly, all day long.  Dennis: —“with these rug rats wrapped around my legs; and they are dragging me around,” and I [Dennis] come home and have fun with them.  Bob: Yes; so when you sat down to write the book that you've just completed, The Art of Parenting, you took a chapter and you said, “We want to help moms and dads know what their kids need.” Fun may be a part of that, but there is more to it than fun.  6:00 You decided, in this book, you were just going to tweet out the answers to the parents; right?  Dennis: Well, most of them are millennials, who are parents today.  Bob: Right.  Dennis: I wanted to get their attention. I thought, “Can we give our top ten tips of what every child needs in 288 characters or less?”  Bob: I bet you were glad they expanded Twitter® from 140.  Dennis: I was. [Laughter] Barbara: Yes.  Dennis: I really was.  Barbara: Yes; that did help us.  Dennis: We did do that. We'd just like to share our top ten Twitter tweets to equip moms and dads to understand what their kids need today.  Number ten: “They need a home that is not child-centric.”  Barbara: I think that's a really big one, even though it is number ten. Actually, they are all pretty important; but anyway, nonetheless, number ten. I think that's really important today; because I think there is a movement / I think there is a common thinking today in parents that I see that mom and dad need to be buddies with their kids—that they need to be friends / they need to be pals.  7:00 There is nothing wrong with having that kind of relationship—like if you go camping or you go to the park—you're going to play together; you're going to do some things together; you're going to get down on the same level; but that isn't the posture you need to have, as a parent, all the time.  Homes do not need to be child-centric. Homes need to be God-centric; and then mom and dad need to be in charge and directing the life of their child—not being dictated by the children.  Bob: You know, here is the thing—when your kids are born, their needs are—we're talking survival. We're talking about the child is— Barbara: Right.  Bob: —dependent on you for everything.  Barbara: And his needs supersede parents'.  Bob: It's very easy for us, as parents, to fall right into that and go: “This child can't survive without me. My spouse can survive without me. The whole world can survive without me; but not this child.” So, from the beginning, we think, “My number one job is this child.”  8:00 It's easy for the home to, then, become child-centered.  Barbara: It is the job of parents to keep that child alive, and your child does need you to survive; but you need to train your child that he's not the center of the universe. That's the difference—is helping them begin to understand that they're not in control; they are not in charge. They do have needs; they do have wants; and they do have feelings; but they aren't / don't always have to be met immediately.  You're right. It is easy to fall into that with newborns, because their needs are so important when they are tiny.  Dennis: Bob, I hate to correct you, here, on the broadcast; but each of these tweets are to take 288 characters or less, and you just burned up 765 as you illustrated it there. [Laughter]  Number nine is one you believe in strongly, Barbara—go ahead.  Barbara: Yes. Number nine is: “A home led by intentional and purposeful parents.”  Bob: Do you want to speak to that, Mr. Intentional?—[Laughter]—since that's how your son referred to you.  Dennis: Well, here's the rest of the tweet—  9:00 —it says: “Being intentional means investing lots of time planning, making wise decisions, and assuming responsibility for raising the next generation. Purposeful means working to be in agreement on discipline, boundaries, and standards.”  Bob: Again, I have to tell you—my orientation toward parenting, when we had our kids, was more spontaneous than purposeful: “What is the need of the moment?”—not—“What is the need of the year?—or the need of the next decade in the life of this child?” When you're thinking in the moment, you're missing the strategic purpose of parenting; you're just dealing with dailyness of it.                                                                                                 Dennis: See, here is where the Bible pulls you out of the daily stuff and the horizontal and lifts you to the vertical. The Bible is constantly challenging you to teach your child to think like an eternal creature, because they are  Barbara: Right.  Dennis: —like a boy or a girl, who was created in the image of God—like one, who God has a mission and purpose for. 10:00 They are not just random molecules. Children are God's gift to this generation, and what we have to do is equip them to think rightly about themselves.  Bob: Our friend / our mutual friend, Tim Kimmel, says in The Art of Parenting™ video series—he says, “When you realize how long your child's going to live, it changes everything.” Then, he says, “I happen to know how long every child's going to live—they live forever.” When you are parenting with eternity in mind / when you are parenting with the idea, “This child is going to live forever,” that does reorient and refocus what you're doing.  Barbara: Exactly.  Dennis: You did a little better on that—that was 500 characters, Bob. [Laughter] Number eight.  Barbara: Number eight is: “A secure home,”—and we're talking about more than just an alarm system, and child safety locks, and car seats in the car. We're talking about the kind of security that comes from emotional stability and having a peaceful environment at home.  One of the biggest keys to kids feeling safe at home is building a strong marriage, because marriage has to come first.   11:00 It's important for moms and dads to make sure that their marriage is strong, and stable, and secure, and you're feeding your marriage at the same time that you are feeding your kids.  Bob: A strong, healthy marriage can cover a multitude of other failings for parents; can't it?  Dennis: It's been said, over and over again, that the most important thing your children need to know, practically, as they are growing up is that mommy and daddy love each other. They're surrounded with kids—at school, on the playground, in their neighborhood—who are growing up in homes, where that's not the case. They are wanting to know: “Are my mom and dad going to hang in there and go the distance?”  I remember, in 1953, a fight/an argument—not physical, but an emotionally-heated moment—in my parents' marriage, where, as a little boy, I asked the question: “Are Mom and Dad going to make it?   12:00 “Are they going to get a divorce?” I remember shaking out of fear.  Now, that was 1953, when divorce was never heard of. I went to school, all the way through high school as a young man, with only one classmate who grew up in a broken home. Today, your children are growing up with 60 percent of their classmates coming from a home of—either a single-parent family / a blended family—something other than an intact family that goes the distance for a lifetime.  Our children need to feel secure, and the way they can feel secure is if they know their mom and dad are committed to one another for a lifetime.  Bob: Okay; this time you went way over your tweet limit. [Laughter]  Barbara: That's true.  Bob: So, what's number seven?  Barbara: Number seven: “Parents who pray together every day.” This is something that Dennis and I have done since the early months of our marriage.  Dennis: It was December of 1972.  Barbara: Yes; Dennis went and talked to a friend of ours—who had been married, at the time, 27 years, I think; they had four or five kids—  13:00 —and asked him: “What was the most important advice he would give him, as a new husband, and for us, together, as a newly married couple?” He said, “You should pray together with your wife every day.  Dennis has told this story multiple times—that he was shocked it was something so simple and seemingly so insignificant. Yet, we began to pray together every day; and it's not long-winded—most of the times, it's not. We're not praying through every need that we know of. We're not naming every name of someone who needs intercession. We pray very simply, but we do pray together every single day. Of course, we pray at meals too; but that [prayer] has made a big difference in our marriage, because we, together, come before God and we humble ourselves before Him.  Bob: So, why does that matter, as parents? I can see where it bonds you together in your marriage, but how does it affect your parenting?  Barbara: Well, if you are humble together before God, you're submitting to Him and to His authority in your life.  14:00 Then, you're going to be much more receptive to His leading you in how you raise your kids; and you're going to have more unity. Now, that's not going to be automatic. You're still going to have to work through things; but if you pray together, and you're seeking God together, then you're going to be more open to His guidance in your life.  Dennis: I love the way Ephesians, Chapter 3, concludes—it just reminds us of the truth about God. Why wouldn't you want to pray if this is true about God? “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” It's a prayer of sorts in the Book of Ephesians.  Bob, if God's in charge—if He knows what our kids are up to / if He loves them more than us, and He does—He knows how to get their attention. I think, sometimes, it's the parents' prayers that bring children back to their faith, even as adults; because they've been tracked down by the Lord God Almighty, who is now answering the prayers of parents over a number of years. 15:00 Bob: Okay; we're talking about what kids need from a mom and dad. This is from your new book, The Art of Parenting. You're giving us tweets—just the bullet points on what our children need. What is tweet number six?  Dennis: Number six: “Parents who don't freak out when their children fail or caught lying, stealing, kissing under the stairs at the church— Bob: Wait, wait; wait.  Dennis: —sneaking out— Bob: Did that happen? Did that happen with somebody?  Dennis: Yes—not one of our kids. [Laughter] Bob: Okay.  Barbara: Not one of our kids.  Dennis: —hiding things, making stupid choices, doing drugs, and even more. They also don't freak out when their children have doubts or pushback against their parents' faith.”  Bob: Barbara, this is tough— Barbara: This is real hard; yes.  16:00 Bob: —because when you see your kids making bad choices / doing childish things, you can get a little freaked out, as a mom.  Barbara: But this is why it's so important—and I agree with you totally, because I freak out as a mom—but this is why it's so important that parents are growing their own relationship with God; because if you are, then you understand, and you can remind yourself: “Oh, that's right. My child is a sinner. My child has a wicked heart. My child needs to be saved. My child needs to be redeemed and needs God to work in my child's life.”  When your child does these things, it's not so much your fault as much as it is a reflection of what your child's heart is. Your child's heart needs a relationship with God. The more moms and dads can be grounded in their faith, and taking their children before the throne of God, the less caught off guard you're going to be. You'll still be caught off guard some; but you'll go, “Okay, this is a reflection of the work that God needs to do in my child's life.”  17:00 Bob: One of the things that Elyse Fitzpatrick, who was a contributor to the Art of Parenting video series, said—that I thought was very helpful—she said, “A lot of parents are discipling children for being childish.” She said: “That's what children do. When they are being disobedient, you discipline them. When they are being childish, you've got to leave room for there to be childish irresponsibility and not freak out when a four-year-old is acting like a four-year-old.”  Dennis: I'll tell you—we've been on the receiving end of a teacher calling from school, saying, “Your child was caught cheating on a test.” Now, never mind, when I was a college student, I cheated on a computer test. Now, it's easy to forget what you were like when you were that age; you know? [Laughter] But it's back to what you were talking about, Bob—a proper view and understanding that we're all broken / we're all just a step away from doing something really, really tragic can help us in not freaking out. 18:00 Bob: You know, it is one thing, Dennis, when you see your kids making childish choices—they're writing on the walls or they get into a wreck with the car and knock over mailboxes—that kind stuff has happened to you; right?  Dennis: Oh, yes.  Bob: Yes.  Dennis: We've got—one of our children holds the record number of rear-end collisions.  Bob: —in the state of Arkansas? [Laughter]  Dennis: No; in our family—that's the record—not in the state.  Bob: It's something else, though, when your kids are starting to have doubts/questions. They are starting to wonder about whether there really is a God, and whether they want to follow Him, and about the moral choices they are going to make as teenagers, about the spiritual choices they are going to make. It's pretty tough, as parents, not to become anxious when you start to see some of these things emerging in a child's life.  Barbara: Well, especially, if your number one goal is for your children to walk with God; and that was our number one goal.  19:00 I think our kids pick up on that too; but again, parents need to remember: “What were you like when you were that age? Were you questioning? Were you wondering?” Just embrace those questions, as hard as it is to do, and “Let's talk about it.” Understand that everyone is going to go through that; and if you react, your kids are going to go, “Oh, I can push her button by talking this way.” You're giving them an entree into them controlling, which isn't healthy.  So, not freaking out is a big one. It really is important that you do it as little as possible; but it is a hard one to not freak out, because we love our kids so much. We don't want them to suffer, and we sort of mistakenly think that we can prevent a lot of that.  Bob: We've had guests, over the years, who have coached in this regard. I remember one guest saying, “You have to practice your not-freaking-out face.” As a parent, you need to kind of prepare for—imagine a child saying, “So, I just found out my best friend is a lesbian.”  20:00 As a parent, all of a sudden, it's like: “A what?!”—but you have to go—“Oh, that is interesting. How did you learn that?”  Barbara: “Tell me more.”  Bob: —and ask questions. All the anxiety that's bubbling up in you, in those moments, you have to figure out how you're going to just keep that in the background while you interact with that child.  Dennis: This really goes back to an earlier point we made, where the home needs to be a safe place/a secure place, where you can bring your doubts out into the open. I just want to ask—every parent, every grandparent, every aunt and uncle—who is listening to this broadcast: “Wouldn't you rather your child, or your grandchild, your nephew/your niece—wouldn't you rather them express that doubt—that question/that rebellion—against God to you rather than express it with their friends and have peer pressure shape the answer?  I wish I could say, Bob, that Barbara and I really did this perfectly.  21:00 We didn't. There were times when we did freak out, but you have to tell your face something different than what you're feeling. You've just got to stonewall it a little bit and say, “Oh,”—like you said, Bob—“Oh, really? Let's talk more about that.”  I've got a friend—one of his children came back and said, “I don't believe in God anymore.” “Oh, okay; that's interesting. Let's talk about what's happened that's caused you to come to that conclusion. What's the evidence? How are you weighing?—what are you thinking?”  Bob: Then, you have to, in the midst of that, resist the temptation in that dialogue to want to get them right back on track.  Dennis: Oh, you can't preach at that moment!  Barbara: Immediately; right.  Bob: That's right.  Dennis: You can't preach. You have to be a shock-absorber for that child to be able to pushback and become his or her own person. They've got to have their own faith / their own experience with God. I think that's why this one is so important. Parents don't need to freak out. They need to be shock-absorbers for their kids to be able to test their parents and see how their parents respond. 22:00 Bob: We're going to have to come back tomorrow to get through the rest of this list of tweets for parents about what our assignment is, as a mom or as a dad. I'd encourage our listeners—if you're not already signed up to get a copy of Dennis and Barbara Rainey's new book, The Art of Parenting, you can pre-order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to place your pre-order. Our number is 1-800-FL-TODAY.  The Art of Parenting video series is available; and there are churches that are already showing our movie, Like Arrows, as a way to kick-off the parenting series. There is an Art of Parenting, free, online series that moms and dads can go through as well. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to find out more about all of the Art of Parenting resources we have available, including Dennis and Barbara Rainey's brand-new book. Our website, again, is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call if you have any questions or if you'd like to order by phone: 1-800-FL-TODAY— 23:00 —1-800-358-6329—that's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.”  A quick reminder: Tonight, at 7 o'clock Central time, we're going to be connecting with many of our Legacy Partners, who are joining us for a FamilyLife® Legacy Partner Connect event. We'll spend a little less than an hour doing Q&A around parenting, and our Legacy Partners are invited to join us. Not only will the two of you [Dennis and Barbara] be with us, but FamilyLife's new President, David Robbins, and his wife Meg are going to be here as well. We'll be interacting, and taking questions, and talking about parenting issues.  This is one of the ways that we want to express our gratitude for those of you who are monthly Legacy Partners. You are the ones who have made today's program possible for everybody who has been listening—not only here in this country—but all around the world. We are so grateful for the partnership we have together. We look forward to talking to you tonight.  Again, if you're signed up for the call, you'll get a phone call just before 7 o'clock Central time.  24:00 If you're not signed up, you can call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY; we'll get everything coordinated so that you get a phone call and can be part of the Legacy Partner Connect event tonight—again, at 7 o'clock Central time. Look forward to talking to you then.  And we hope you can join us back tomorrow as we continue with our tweets for parents—the big ideas around parenting. Dennis and Barbara Rainey will be back again tomorrow. I hope you can be here as well.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?   Copyright © 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com  

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. The Family as a Training Center Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey                       From the series:       The Art of Parenting: Relationships (Day 2 of 3)   Bob: Is it okay for moms and dads to fight in front of the kids? Barbara Rainey says, sometimes, it is. Barbara: We decided that we wanted our kids to see us having some disagreements—not big conflict—but if we were disagreeing about something that was not a huge thing, but we really both had a strong opinion on it, we decided that we would go again and occasionally express our disagreement in front of our kids and let them watch us work it out. We just disagree, and parents disagree. It's okay for parents to disagree. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, December 6th. Our host is Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine. Your kids are going to have to know how to resolve conflict, because conflict is a part of life. They need your coaching, and they need to see how you do it. We're going to talk more about that today. Stay with us. 1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. We're going to talk today about what moms and dads can do to help their children develop some relational intelligence—to help them know how to do relationships right. Dennis: —how to love imperfect people. It's that kind of programming that we try to provide, here, at FamilyLife Today that keeps listeners coming back for more. You ought to hear one of my favorite stories—my all-time stories—in 27 years of broadcasting. It was a letter from a woman, who lived in Alaska. Where she lived, she couldn't get a radio signal; so she, every day—it was like at 10 o'clock/10:30—she would get on her snowmobile and drive out to a ridge [Laughter] so she could listen to FamilyLife Today. A woman—a wife/a mother—who needed practical biblical help and hope for her home. When you give to FamilyLife Today, you're making this broadcast possible— 2:00 —not merely to folks who live on the outskirts of humanity in Alaska—but you're making it possible, all across our country. If you believe in what we're doing, here, on FamilyLife Today, I need you to pick up the phone, or go online, or take out a check and say: “Guys, keep going! Twenty-seven years has been great, but we need this broadcast to stand strong now. Here's my investment in godly homes and legacies for generations to come.” Bob: During the Christmas season, and as we approach the end of the year, this is a particularly critical time to hear from listeners; isn't it? Dennis: It is; over 40 percent of our donations come in this month. As I said on a recent broadcast, these 30 days determine how FamilyLife® is going to continue broadcasting over the next 11 months.  Bob: Yes. Dennis: Please, stand with us. We need your help now.  Bob: Here's good news: right now, if you help with a donation, your donation is going to be doubled—it's going to be matched, dollar for dollar.  3:00 We've got some friends of the ministry who have offered to match every donation we receive, during the month of December, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $2.5 million. That's a huge opportunity for us; and we're hoping FamilyLife Today listeners will respond and make an online donation, or call to donate.  When you do, we'd like to say, “Thank you,” this year by sending you a DVD copy of the movie that FamilyLife produced this year that was in theaters a few months ago. It's a movie called Like Arrows. It's going to be available for purchase in early 2019; but right now, we have a limited supply available if you can help with a yearend donation. Donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Just ask for the DVD, Like Arrows, and we'll send that out to you, along with our thanks for your support of the ministry. Now, I want to tell you guys about my next-door neighbor when I was growing up. His name was Dee; he was a year younger than me. We grew up across the driveway from one another—we had a shared driveway. 4:00  Dennis: You're not talking about recently; you're talking about when you were a kid. Bob: This was when I was a kid; yes. This was back in Glendale, Missouri. Dennis: Back before the earth's crust had hardened. [Laughter] Bob: We shared a driveway that “Y”-d off. As you came up the driveway, the right side went to their house; the left side went to our house. We moved in when I was two; Dee was one. We went all the way through high school together. He was the best man in my wedding. Barbara: Really? Bob: Yes; so we had a great relationship. In fact, Dee just came and spent a weekend at our house a couple of months ago. We had a great time getting caught up on everything. Barbara: Wow! Bob: So Dee and I played together a lot as we were growing up. One time—my mom loved telling this story—one time, she was watching us out the back door. Dee was like a year-and-a-half, and I was two-and-a-half years old. I pushed him down—I pushed him onto the ground, and he fell down. He was crying; and she came out and she said, “Bobby, why did you push him?” I said: “I shot him. He's dead, and he won't fall down! [Laughter] So I pushed him to the ground!” 5:00 I remember Dee's dad—Dee's dad would always—when he would step into the room, where we were playing, or where his sister and my sister were, and we were all together and there was squabbling or something—Dee's dad would come in, and he would just laugh. He'd say: “Little children! Love one another.” [Laughter] He would repeat that over and over again. I didn't realize he was quoting Scripture when he was saying that. He was just stepping in to what is, often, the case with kids; that is, that kids often don't do a great job of loving one another. He was giving us a little coaching on what really matters. Barbara: That's cute! Bob: It's one of the themes that you address. And, by the way, Barbara, welcome back to FamilyLife Today.  Barbara: Thank you, Bob. Bob: It's nice to have you here again with us today as we're talking about parenting. We're talking about the new book you've written called The Art of Parenting. One of the core themes in this book is that we've got to help our kids be good at relationships, because they're not naturally good at relationships— 6:00  —we learn that pretty soon. As soon as you have more than one in a family, conflict comes in pretty quickly; doesn't it? Dennis: And if you don't teach the resolution of conflict—if you don't teach your children how to love another imperfect person—you're not doing a good job preparing them for the rest of their life; because they're going to spend the rest of their lives relating to selfish, sinful, broken people, many of whom think and believe differently than they do. They have to know how to do this!  I just know that, the older I've gotten, the more resolute I am that the family is an incubator—it's a training vehicle—for young pioneers, who are going to spend the rest of their lives on their journey—the first time they've ever been there—but they've got to know how to relate to people. Bob: Barbara, we've talked already about how important it is for parents to doggedly pursue their children— 7:00 —to pursue a relationship with them; to build a strong, healthy, unconditional love; a forgiveness and grace-based relationship with our kids. Even when we do that, our children are not going to naturally embrace that same kind of a relationship with their siblings. I'm thinking of how I've watched my grandkids, now, who are one- and two-years old. They're not thinking about these things, consciously; but there's an innate sense of: “I want what I want. I want to be the center of attention. If you're interfering with what I want, I'm going to make life hard for you.” Barbara: Yes. Bob: This is that fundamental self-oriented nature that's in each one of us, and that's what keeps us from having healthy relationships; isn't it? Barbara: Exactly, and that's what makes mom and dad's job hard—is that our kids are born sinful, and we know that; but they're so sweet and they're so loveable—and we just think they're the greatest. We forget, sometimes, that they're little sinners, at the core. 8:00 But Dennis and I worked at it. Even though we felt like failures, we didn't quit teaching; and we didn't quit training in getting along. Primarily, what we taught and trained, over and over again, was the whole concept of recognizing what you did wrong, naming what you did wrong, and then saying: “I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?”—you know, teaching that whole dialogue of forgiveness, and restitution, and reconciliation. Dennis: One of the things we tried to do with our children was to help them to realize that they are relating to what C.S. Lewis called “not mere mortals, but eternal beings.” They need to recognize that every person was made in the image of God. Genesis 1:26-28 talks about how God created them male and female, but He made them in His image. As image-bearers, they have value— Bob: Yes. Dennis: —they have worth. Our children need to recognize that. 9:00 Bob: I think, oftentimes, it's our own insecurity—or our kids' own insecurity about what they're good at—that causes them to look at others and find fault. Dennis: Yes; I think you're right. Barbara: Yes; yes. Bob: We're masking our own insecurities by trying to make ourselves feel better or look better than other kids.  This goes to the core. I remember reading something by an author—a guy named Bill Gilliam—that always stuck with me. I've used this line over and over again. He said, “When a child is born, he draws a circle around his life and declares himself “the lord of the ring.” [Laughter] I think we have to acknowledge that that's true. Barbara: Yes. Bob: I saw something called “The Toddler's Creed” years ago. Do you remember? Barbara: Oh, yes. Bob: “If I want it, it's mine; if I had it five minutes ago, it's mine; if you have it and I want it, it's mine.” This is how kids think. We have to train our kids, not to be self-centered, but to be others-centered, which goes against their nature and goes against what the culture is telling them. 10:00 Barbara: Well, it works in families too—it's not just kids competing and comparing themselves in school. Our kids in our family are doing that. So, even if you just have two children, they're sizing one another up. They're thinking through: “Who's the favorite?” “Where is my place?” “What is my role?” “How do I fit in this group called ‘the family'?” The more kids you have, the more of that that's going to take place. You're going to have more conflict—more sizing up / more trying to figure out of the pecking order, so to speak. It's just endemic in who we are, and it happens in every family. Dennis: There's another way we tried to teach our kids how to love one another, and that came through the issue of resolving conflict. I actually have a documentation here of some of the conflict that occurred between family members. [Laughter] Bob: Police reports you've brought in here? Dennis: It really—has fingerprints on it—eyewitnesses. [Laughter] Bob: Mug shots! Dennis: Photos; that's right. DNA! 11:00 Bob: A.K.A. Dennis: And here's what it's about—and parents breathe a sigh of relief when they hear my list—this is about sibling rivalry. Now, we've already talked about this a little bit; but I just want to give you some evidence, from our family, of what our kids fought about as they grew up.  One of the number one reasons they fought was—who sits in the front seat with Mom or Dad on the way to school. [Laughter] Barbara: Yes. Bob: And how did you solve that? Dennis: We assigned a day. Bob: Okay. Dennis: Now, that's good as long as you've got less than five kids. Bob: Yes. Barbara: Five or less; yes. [Laughter] Dennis: We had six!—so there was a dilemma there—but they fought over the seats in the car. They fought over the amount of ice cream they got; the number of cookies; how you broke the Hershey's with Almonds, because it's not in little squares. Bob: Did you do the thing where one breaks and the other picks? Dennis: Oh, yes! Barbara: Yes; we did that. Dennis: And we told them “fair” is what comes around to town once a year. [Laughter] Bob: That's a good one. Dennis: That's okay? 12:00 The third thing they fought about was who had worked the hardest; who had done the most;— Bob: Yes. Dennis: —who got to play the most; who last spent the night at a friend's house, and whose turn it was now; who made the mess; who did it last; who did it first; who had it first? The older ones argued that we were just spoiling— Bob: —the younger ones. Barbara: —the younger ones. Dennis: The Art of Parenting™ has got some great evidence on this, because you asked our kids— Bob: The video series; yes. We interviewed your children and asked them to talk about: “Was one of them the favorite?”  Barbara: You asked, “Who is the favorite?” Bob: And the favorite knew she was the favorite; didn't she? [Laughter] Dennis: Yes; the kids named her, and she named herself! [Laughter] But here's the point—as a parent, do you know the very basic fundamentals of how two broken people resolve a conflict? Listen carefully, because this comes from the Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway. If you haven't been, this is a good reason to go— 13:00 —to just become equipped in these basics of “What are the components of forgiveness?” The first thing is—it demands communication and an admission: “I was wrong when I…” Then it is, number two, “Will you forgive me for doing ‘X'?”—and you name the offense. Then, the one who has been offended has the opportunity, at that point, to say, “Yes; I decide to forgive you.”  And this is key, because your children need to know what forgiveness is and what it isn't. Forgiveness means you give up the right to punish another person. Sometimes, our kids would not forgive one another; so we would give them chores. I'll never forget the boys—we tied two of their legs together and made them sweep the garage—[Laughter]—because they wouldn't forgive each other. Of course, the older one drug the younger one around the garage; and that created more conflict. That wasn't such a good idea over the long haul.  14:00 But the key thing is—you make them look each other in the eye and say, “Will you forgive me when I did         ?” And then we say: “Okay; what's your response? It means you give up the right to punish your sister,” / “…to punish your brother.” And then we talked about reconciliation and rebuilding trust. All of those points are the basics of how you help two people know how to love another person, who will disappoint them at times. Bob: And these basics of conflict resolution are fundamental building blocks that will serve kids throughout their lives in every relationship. If they don't know how to seek and grant forgiveness, life is not going to go well for them.  Of course, I remember, with our kids, it was, “Tell your sister you're sorry.” Barbara: Yes. Bob: And you know what they would say; right? [Speaking with no emotion] “Sorry.” Dennis: [Not meaning it] “I'm sorry.”  Barbara: Yes; yes. Bob: And then, “Say it like you mean it,”—you know, they'd get silly. You really have to teach them how to do this. It feels rote for a while. Barbara: And it is rote for a while,— Bob: That's okay! Barbara: —but that's okay. Bob: Get it to be habitual in them. Barbara: Yes. 15:00 Dennis: —over, and over, and over, and over again. Bob: That's right. Dennis: I'll tell you—there is a method of teaching in the Bible called the Rabbinical Method of Teaching. Do you know what it is?—repetition. Bob: Yes. Dennis: Do you know what sibling rivalry is?—an opportunity to teach over, and over, and over again how you resolve conflict. Let me tell you another way that parents dare not miss as they train their kids to love other people, especially around resolving conflict—resolve it between you and your spouse. Your kids are like little radar units. I know, when Barbara and I would have an argument in the kitchen, sometimes, I would feel like there was this herd—or covey of little quail—just circling us; locked on; watching us go back and forth, sometimes, at each other—not healthy; okay!? Bob: Right. Dennis: Sometimes I would say: “Time out, Sweetheart.” “Kids, your mom and dad love each other. We're in a covenant-keeping marriage; we're going to go the distance—we're not in trouble. We just have a disagreement; okay?” 16:00 There's an African proverb that says, “When the elephants bite, it's the grass that suffers.” It suffers in more ways than one; because if they don't see you resolving conflict in your marriage, how are they going to know how to do it when they get married? Bob: So I'm going to ask you about that; because some parents, you know, will say: “We're not going to do conflict in front of our kids. Barbara: Yes. Bob: “If we've got a disagreement, we'll postpone it. We'll do it back in the bedroom; we don't want our kids to see us. We don't want them to feel insecure, thinking that mom and dad aren't getting along.” Do you think it's good for mom and dad to have a little conflict in front of the kids? Barbara: I think that's a great question, because we talked about that. My parents never had conflict in front of us. I grew up thinking they never had conflict, because I never saw it. And I don't know that you—did you see your parents? Dennis: Once. Barbara: One time your parents had conflict? Dennis: My parents had one very— Barbara: —heated argument? Dennis: —heated argument. I was five years old, and I was afraid they would divorce.  17:00 That was back when divorce was— Barbara: Yes; nobody got divorced. Dennis: —nobody got divorced. Barbara: Well, we talked about it—I remember. We decided that we wanted our kids to see us having some disagreements—not big conflict—but if we were disagreeing about something that was not a huge thing, but we really both had a strong opinion on it, we decided that we would go again and occasionally express our disagreement in front of our kids and let them watch us work it out.  We did do what Dennis just said—we said: “Time out.” “Okay; kids. Here are the facts: we're not going anywhere. This is not life-altering. We just disagree, and parents disagree. It's okay for parents to disagree.” Bob: In some homes, it's not just disagreement; but as you know, there are moms and dads, who are saying hurtful, harmful things to one another. Barbara: Oh, yes!—in front of the kids. Dennis: That kind of stuff is not good. Barbara: No. Bob: If it does happen, though—again, get the kids together. Barbara: That's right. 18:00 Bob: You get the kids together and you confess: “This was not right for Mom and me to be talking this way to one another. Barbara: Yes. Bob: “I've asked her to forgive me, and I want to ask you to forgive me. I want you to know we love one another, and we're staying together.” Barbara: Yes. Dennis: —especially if you've used the “D” word. If you have thrown the “divorce” word around in an argument in front of your kids—that they've heard, either in person or through the walls—you need to get down on your knees in front of your kids— Barbara: Absolutely! Dennis: —and say: “We repent. We will never, ever do that again.” Why?—because they're going to school with kids from broken homes. Sixty percent of all kids will spend part of their first eighteen years of life with one parent. It's in their vocabulary; it's in their experience—you've got to build security.  I've got one more very important way we train our kids to love others, and that's training your children to respect the boundaries and purity of the opposite sex. Train your kids to respect the boundaries and purity of the opposite sex.  19:00 That means teaching your boys to protect the sexual purity of girls—to own it! Not just protect them physically, but protect their sexual purity.  I had the privilege of speaking to a football team a couple of months ago. Bob: This was a high school team; right? Dennis: A high school football team. They were all shirt-less—they were getting ready to have practice. It was hot in the summer. I wanted to make the point to those guys: “Be men. Step up! Become men who protect your school and protect the young ladies.”  It was right as the #MeToo was really in the news with a lot of people. I just said: “Listen, guys. You can either protect a woman's dignity, and her purity, and who she is sexually or you can be a barbarian and you can take advantage of her.  20:00 “I want to challenge you, as a team, to set a new standard in this high school. Instead of being rude to girls—instead, hold the door open for them. You guys need to start a rash of common courtesies—pulling the chair out for the ladies / for your teacher! Just, as a team, represent how real young men treat the opposite sex.” Of course, if you're talking to a young lady, I would talk to your daughters about protecting the young men by being—and dressing—modestly. I remember one of our daughters, who will remain unnamed, had this dress that she had on—as she was trying it on for prom. Bob, you know what I'm talking about. [Laughter] Barbara was there—she loved that dress!—Barbara wanted to buy the dress. Right, Sweetheart? Barbara: Yes. Dennis: Yes; but I said, “No; you can't buy that, Sweetie.” Help your daughters protect young men. 21:00 These are all ways where you're thinking of others before you think of yourself.  Bob: Yes; these are fundamental skills that we need to, as parents, be teaching our children before they know Christ; so that, when they do come to know Christ—when they surrender to Him and then they read Philippians 2: “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility, regard others as more important than yourselves. Don't look out merely for your own interest, but also for the interest of others,”—now, all of a sudden, they see this in the context of the gospel. They're doing this to honor Christ, not just to have happier and healthier relationships. I mean, it's good to have happy, healthy relationships; but at the end of the day, what we care most about is that God is honored in how we relate to one another. This is why this is one of the essential skills you guys talk about in the book, The Art of Parenting. It's a book I hope every mom and dad will read together. In fact, there's a companion DVD series that small groups can go through together.  22:00 We're hoping that this can be the beginning, in a lot of churches and a lot of homes, of a parenting revolution—a new commitment to being the most purposeful, intentional, well-equipped parents you can possibly be as you raise the next generation. We've got copies of Dennis and Barbara's book, The Art of Parenting, in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center. You can order the book from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. The DVD series is also available. Information is available, online; or you can order at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also order, again, by calling 1-800-358-6329—that's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.” You know, I'm remembering a scene in the movie, Like Arrows—the movie that we produced that was in theaters a few months ago. There's a scene where there's some sibling rivalry.  23:00 A brother and a sister are fighting over Legos®, and they say ugly things to one another. They have to learn how to make peace with one another. One of the things we wanted to do, when we made that movie, was find a creative way to engage moms and dads with the key issues that we all face as we raise the next generation. I know many of our listeners saw the film when it was in theaters. It's going to be available for purchase in early 2019. We have a limited number of DVDs of Like Arrows that we're making available this month to those of you who are able to help support the ministry with a yearend contribution. FamilyLife Today, as you mentioned earlier, Dennis, is dependent on these donations. Right now, if you're able to help with a donation, your donation is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $2.5 million. You make a $25 donation; it becomes a $50 donation to FamilyLife. If you make a $100 donation; it's $200.  24:00 Whatever you're able to do, help us take advantage of this matching-gift opportunity; and we'll say, “Thank you,” by sending you a DVD of Like Arrows. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to donate: 1-800-FL-TODAY. We appreciate your partnership with us in this ministry.  And we hope you can join us back tomorrow when we're going to talk about the most important relationship we can help our children with—that's their relationship with Jesus. We'll explore that tomorrow. I hope you can be with us.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We'll see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?   Copyright © 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com  

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Teaching Kids to Love God Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey                                                           From the series:       The Art of Parenting: Relationships (Day 3 of 3)  Bob: As parents, we want our children to be skillful in relationships; but there's one relationship that matters more than any other—that is our children's relationship with Jesus. Barbara Rainey says that's something that, as parents, we can't engineer. Barbara: It's not our responsibility. I think that's where parents get confused—I know I felt it. I felt like it was my responsibility to teach my kids and to make sure they had a relationship with Christ, but that's not it. My responsibility was to present the truth to them and to model a relationship; it's God's responsibility to call their hearts. I think that's where we get mixed up, as moms and dads—we own what is not ours. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, December 7th. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. As parents, how can we prepare our child's heart so that, when the seeds of the gospel are planted, they can take root?  1:00 We're going to talk more today about our responsibility, as parents, to introduce our children to Jesus. Stay with us. And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. I had kind of an “Aha” moment—this was a number of years ago—but I remember reading in Romans, Chapter 1, where it says that, since the beginning of time, it's been obvious to everybody that there's a God. That's not new news for anybody. Anybody who can look around and see the world/anybody who's aware of their own existence— Dennis: This is the Lepine paraphrase of Romans 1. Bob: Yes! This is what Romans 1 says: “If you're alive and you can take a breath, you know, deep inside, you're here because there is a God.”  2:00 The “Aha” moment for me was—as I raise my kids, my kids know there's a God. The issue is—I don't have to convince my kids that there's a God who exists—I just have to introduce them to the God they already know exists. Or my assignment is to explain who this God, that they know already, is; so they can have a relationship with him. We've been talking this week about relationships and how that fits into parenting and the priority for us, as parents, to help our kids know how to do relationships—to build strong relationships with our children to help them know how to relate to one another. At the core of all of this—they need to understand the God who created them and what it means to have a relationship with Him. Dennis: A listener recently wrote us, Bob, and said something very similar to that. She said: “Your broadcasts, in general, are so helpful; but a blessing to my life. First, as a follower of Jesus Christ.  3:00 But secondly, now that I'm 36 years old, I don't have the wisdom and the training to disciple my kids and to know how to pass this truth on to my family. You guys are equipping me with those biblical principles and spiritual growth so that our kids don't wither when they go out into the world, but they know how to thrive.” Bob: Well, we ought to say, “Thank you,” right here, at the beginning, to those who, not only listen to FamilyLife Today, but to those that make it possible for listeners like this to get the help and hope they need for their marriage and their family. Dennis: And as we're here at yearend, I just need to turn to you, as a listener, and invite you—and may I also say, “challenge you”—to join with us, financially, in this broadcast. Help make it possible so that others—not only you and your family—but that others can benefit from this broadcast as well. We need you right now to pull out a checkbook or a credit card— 4:00 —go online or get an envelope and put that check in the mail to FamilyLife Today—so that we can be on air with stories of redemption and hope that do give wisdom to those who are in the trenches. Bob, I think that's what marriages and families need today—is that practical biblical help and hope that FamilyLife Today can be counted on to provide. Bob: Well, as I've said, this is a particularly good time of year for you to make a donation; because we've had some friends of the ministry who have come along and offered to double every donation we receive. They're going to match it, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $2.5 million. For us to take full advantage of that matching gift, we need every listener, who has benefited from this program over the course of the year, to be as generous as you can be so that we can end the year in a strong position.  You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. When you do, we're going to say, “Thank you,” by sending you a copy of the movie, Like Arrows, on DVD.  5:00 This is the movie we produced this year that was in theaters a few months ago. It's not available for purchase yet, but we have a limited supply we're making available to those of you who can help support the ministry this month. Again, you can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Thanks, in advance, for supporting the work of FamilyLife Today; and thanks for listening to FamilyLife Today.  In fact, we want to focus today on what moms and dads can do to help raise the next generation. Dennis: That's exactly right. Earlier, we talked about how this big idea of training your kids in relationships begins with you. As parents, you're a mirror of how your kid is to love another person—you train them; you teach them; you instruct them; you coach them; you correct them.  We brought the number-one coach in the country in to this broadcast, Bob, to help us know how to best train our kids to love God.  6:00 Barbara Rainey joins us, again, on FamilyLife Today. [Laughter] Bob: Congratulations!—number one in the country. I didn't know that! Dennis: Coach of the year!—coach of the decade! Barbara: [Not sounding convinced] Yes. [Laughter] That doesn't feel quite right, since I know my failures so well. Dennis: We just finished a book called The Art of Parenting. In that book, we've got four big ideas: relationships, character, identity, and mission. We're wrapping up the relationship side—just reminding listeners that we, as human beings, are made to relate to God, as Bob has just said; and we are to relate to one another. Jesus pointed this out in Matthew 22—He said, when asked, “What's the greatest commandment?”: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'” And He summarizes: “On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” 7:00 In case you didn't get it, loving God and loving others is where parents ought to start as they train their kids; and it's not natural for them to know how to love God. Here's why—because it was God who built the bridge to your kid. First John, Chapter 4—if you haven't read this, read it to your kids: “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” He goes on to say we didn't love God first; He loved us first and, as He loves us, we learn how to love Him in return. Bob: Barbara, I would think that, for every mom and dad who knows Christ, the desire to introduce their kids to Christ—to see their kids come to faith—that would be central for all of them.  8:00 One of the things I read in your book is—you've seen statistics that said this is not a priority for a lot of believing parents. Barbara: Yes; we ran across this statistic and put it in our book. It's a George Barna stat; and he said, “Seven out of ten Christian parents today don't think salvation is an important outcome for their children.” Bob: Now that's astounding to me. Barbara: Oh, it was astounding to me when I read it, too; because that was my number one goal for my kids, because I want to be in heaven with my children someday. Bob: Right. Barbara: I want them to know Christ; because I know that, without Christ/without a relationship with Him, their life isn't going to work. Their relationships aren't going to work; their marriage's/their job won't work. None of it's going to work, because He is the One who holds everything together. So, if they want a marriage that's going to go the distance, they need Jesus, who holds everything together. If they want kids, who will grow up and be mature responsible adults, those children need Jesus, who holds all things together.  9:00 So I was shocked by that—I know Dennis was, too—but what we're saying in our book is what I just said. It is the most important thing that you can teach your children, because you can't teach them how to love without them knowing Christ. Bob: The problem is—we can teach them how to have a relationship with God, but this is not something we can make them do. This is on them to make that decision. This has got to come from inside of them; right? Dennis: A good friend of ours is Robert Lewis. I'll never forget—we were going through a dark set of days in our parenting journey; and he said: “Look, you can teach your kids to do what's right. You can teach them to love God; but it takes God to, ultimately, put it in their heart and then them to respond to Him and to love Him in return.”  Here's what I want parents to hear—  10:00 —your assignment is to teach, and demonstrate, and instruct—and teach, and teach, and teach how your child is to respond to the love of God. Your lifetime assignment is to teach them how they should love God in return. Barbara: And I totally agree with that, but it's more than just teaching. I think that's where—I think that's where a lot of parents make the mistake—they are heavy on the teaching and the instruction: “Here's how you invite Jesus into your heart…”; but they forget that they're modeling what that relationship looks like.  So, if you want your children to want to know God and you want your children to love God, then you have to show them a relationship with God that's attractive. I've heard people say, who grew up in Christian homes: “I never considered not wanting to become a Christian, because I watched my parents. Their relationship with God was so attractive, and convincing, and real that I wanted it for myself.”  11:00 The burden of proof, so to speak, is on mom and dad to demonstrate a relationship with Christ that is infectious, and contagious, and attractive so that your kids will want one too. Bob: Well, and the other side of that is—a lot of parents could harden the hearts of their children— Barbara: Yes; that's right. Bob: —by professing one thing—  Barbara: —but living another. Bob: And kids grow up with that kind of hypocrisy and that turns them away from wanting to have anything to do with Jesus. You know, a lot of adults today, who would say: “Here was my experience when I was a child. I prayed a prayer—I invited Jesus into my heart.” Dennis: “I walked the aisle.” Bob: Right; and then they say, “But when I became a teenager, I kind of fell away; and I ultimately had to find my way back.” Kids will often demonstrate some kind of spiritual interest when they're children. Barbara: Yes. Bob: I think, in part, because they know: “It would please Mom and Dad if I act this way,” or “…believe this way,” / “I want to be like Mom and Dad, so I want this to be true of me.”  12:00 How did you guys or how would you coach parents to help their kids along this journey, so that it's not just imitative behavior; but it's really something that God's doing in their heart? Barbara: Well, I think it's really important for parents not to be shocked. We talk about this in our book—don't be shocked when your kids question their faith, because all of us question our faith. If we don't, then maybe it's not genuine. We have to evaluate what we believe and decide if it's true or not. All kids are going to do that. I went through times of doubt; doubt is normal.  I think, when parents react when they see their kids doubting, that freaks out the kids; and it creates a dissonance in the relationship. I think the main thing to do is to allow your children to process—engage with them; talk with them; answer their questions. Give them positive feedback when they're asking questions, so that they don't feel like the fact that they're doubting is really wrong.  13:00 There's nothing wrong with doubting. Dennis: Barbara and I had a great vacation last summer. Sometime, during the vacation, we started noodling on this. We started talking and discussing what had become crystal clear to us; and that is, we wanted our children to see us experiencing God, not just on Sunday between the hours of 10:30 and noon; but we wanted our children to see us experiencing God seven days a week—and bringing Him into our discussion with them so they caught a picture: “This is exciting. This is not some hum drum everyday journey that's boring; but we're serving the God of the universe—experiencing Him. He's intersecting our lives.”  Certain things, Bob, become clear as you get older. I am seeing certain things more clearly than I have ever seen.  14:00 And that is this—as parents, you need to share your experience with God and His Word and what He's doing in your life—how He's convicting you of sin; how He's encouraged you to reach out to somebody you don't like; how He helped you defeat bitterness and forgive. Kids need to see their parents exemplifying the Christ-like life of Jesus living in and through us.  In fact, Barbara and I started talking about writing, not another book—but doing a Bible study that would be like Henry Blackaby's Bible study, Experiencing God—but put it this way: Experiencing God in Your Family. I think that's where we were first meant to experience God. I think the reason young people today are leaving the church, when they graduate from high school or college and they're not showing up again, is because they saw one thing on Sunday from their parents; and they didn't see much of anything of experiencing God the other six days of the week. 15:00 Bob: One of the key elements here is that your time in God's Word and your time together in prayer, as a family, be something that is real and regular in your home. I'm thinking of the movie, Like Arrows, that is connected to the Art of Parenting™. It's a movie that shows a family that was kind of nominal and marginal. They were going to church, but there wasn't really a life of faith being lived out in the home. They got confronted with that, later in life, and started to make a transition. It made a difference in the dynamic of the family.  This is something that parents need to prioritize: introducing our kids to the Bible, reading the Bible with them, praying with them—making this a part of the life and fabric of your family. I know, Barbara, a lot of moms and dads feel like failures in this area; because they've tried to do family devotions or whatever—it hasn't worked well. The kids roll their eyes— 16:00 Dennis: Well, they rolled their eyes at us; okay? [Laughter] Barbara: Oh absolutely. We felt like failures, too; because we had this image of family devotions, where everybody was sitting politely around the table and paying attention. Bob: Right. Barbara: Our kids didn't pay attention or, at least, they didn't seem to be paying attention. But as they got older, we would catch little things that they would say, where we knew: “Oh! They really—they picked that up when we did that family devotion; so they were paying attention.” Dennis: Remember the tape we played for one of our children— Barbara: Yes; for Laura; yes. Dennis: —about modesty?—right? Barbara: He brought it home, and he played it for Laura. She rolled her eyes; and she said, “Oh gosh, do I have to listen to this?” We said, “Yes; you have to listen to this,” and so she did. We didn't see anything for a while. After she graduated from high school, she had a job at a girls' school. Part of her job was to check the girls before they got on the bus in the morning before they had a day of service in the community. She called me one day and she said: “Mom, you are not going to believe these girls.  17:00 “I cannot believe what they are wearing to get on the bus in the morning to go off for their day of service. I sent some of them back to change clothes.” [Laughter] I just had this sense of vindication as I heard her say this; because I thought: “She got it. She got it!” [Laughter] Dennis: Yes. Bob: I want to point our listeners—on our website, at FamilyLifeToday.com, we've got an excerpt from an interview that we did a while back with Don Whitney, who wrote a book on the spiritual disciplines of the Christian life. He talked about having family devotions; he said he thought his kids weren't paying any attention. He was doing this—he felt like a failure in the whole thing—until his daughter's graduation from high school, when she got up and, in front of the whole high school, started crying about how faithful her parents were to read the Bible every day. He said, “I thought she was hating it; and yet, this was a part of what God was stamping on her heart and her life.”  You can hear him tell the story [on our website].  18:00 It's a powerful story and a great reminder that our faithfulness— Dennis: Right. Bob: —in just taking our kids to who God is: taking them to the Bible, spending time teaching them how to pray, praying with them, reading Bible stories, pointing them to Jesus—this is the chief assignment we have, as parents. If we fail at all kinds of other things and succeed here, that covers a multitude of sins; doesn't it? Barbara: It's not our responsibility. I think that's where parents get confused—I know I felt it. I felt like it was my responsibility to teach my kids and to make sure they had a relationship with Christ, but that's not it. My responsibility was to present the truth to them and to model a relationship; it's God's responsibility to call their hearts. I think that's where we get mixed up, as moms and dads—we own what is not ours instead of trusting God to do the work in their hearts. Bob: We talked, earlier, about the bridge that parents need to build toward their children so that there are these open lanes, where we can take unconditional love and where we can take pursuit and forgiveness.  19:00 God has built that bridge toward us; hasn't He? Dennis: He has; and because He first loved us, we love. We start building a lane back to God and a lane to others—that's what your assignment is.  One of the things we're talking about here—and I'm just thinking of Barbara, looking across the table at her—she has been the passionate one about this passage—is Deuteronomy 6: the command to parents to pass on their experience of God to the next generation. Barbara: Right; it talks about—uses these verbs, in Deuteronomy 6, to talk about God's Word when you walk, and when you sit, and when you lie down, and when you rise up. It means that in every part of your day, no matter what you are doing, you're supposed to be talking about God's Word—living it out/practicing it—so that your kids see that you belong to Him. They see what that looks like; and they can, therefore, imitate it. 20:00  Bob: This most important thing we've been talking about—introducing our kids to God—this is not something we can do unless our faith is real. We can't expect our kids to have a real active vibrant faith; and so the starting point for each of us, as parents, is to pull back and say: “What's my own relationship with God like? How central is God to everything that I'm doing in life? Is it clear to my kids this is what matters most to me?” If a parent, listening today, is unsure about their relationship with Jesus, what do they do? Dennis: Well, I think, first of all, they need to realize that God is love. He has reached out to them in love through the person of Jesus Christ. He became flesh—it's why we celebrate Christmas—He dwelt among us. He did what we could not do for ourselves—He lived a perfect life and, then, He sacrificed His life on a cross so that He might become the payment for our sins—  21:00 —that we might have God's forgiveness through Jesus Christ if—if we place our faith in Him.  If you've never done that—if you've never passed from death to life, if you're not spiritually born again, if you don't know where you'd spend eternity—why spend another day doubting or worrying about that? Why don't you settle it with God?—and cry out in faith and say this prayer: “Lord Jesus, I need You. I need a Savior. I need You to do for me what I cannot do for myself. I need You to forgive my sins. Now, come in my life. Live Your life in and through me; and give me eternal life that I might pass it on to my spouse, my children, my nieces, my nephews, my grandchildren.”  I want to tell you something—it is the greatest adventure of a lifetime to know the God of the universe.  22:00 He is up to big things in our little lives. Why would you not want to be a part of that?  Bob: We've got a link, on our website at FamilyLIfeToday.com, that explains how to know God. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on that link and find out more about what it means to be a Christian/to know God personally.  Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. That's also where you'll find information about Dennis and Barbara Rainey's book for parents called The Art of Parenting. It's now available, along with the DVD series that's great for small group use. Find out more about these resources when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com—get a copy of the book; or call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number—1-800-358-6329—that's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.” 23:00 Speaking about The Art of Parenting, we created a movie in conjunction with The Art of Parenting that was in theaters a few months ago. That movie is not yet available for purchase on DVD; but during the month of December—for those of you who can help support the ministry, as you talked about earlier, Dennis—we're making the Like Arrows DVD available as a thank-you gift. Keep in mind your donation is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, this month up to a total of $2.5 million.  If God has used the ministry of FamilyLife® in your life this year, can we ask you to be generous and make a yearend contribution to help support the ministry? Your donation will be doubled, and we'll send you the Like Arrows DVD. Donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate.  Let me ask you one more thing. Pray for the hundreds of couples, who are going to be joining us this weekend at the St. Louis Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway. Pray that God would meet with them this weekend and would do a work in their marriage. That's our prayer every time when couples go to the Weekend to Remember— 24:00 —that they would leave the weekend with their marriage more strongly rooted in Christ than when they came.  We hope you have a great weekend. We hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend and then join us back on Monday when we're going to pick up right where we left off today. We're going to talk about how we can know if our children really know Christ. Terrance Chapman is going to be with us to talk about that. We hope you can be back with us as well. Thanks to our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. Have a great weekend. We will see you Monday for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?   Copyright © 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com  

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. The Bridge that Love Built Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey                       From the series:       The Art of Parenting: Relationships (Day 1 of 3)  Bob: All of us, as parents, want our children to be able to form healthy relationships as they grow up. Dennis Rainey says, for that to happen, moms and dads need to know how to skillfully pursue a strong relationship with each of their children. Dennis: First Corinthians 13 says, if you've missed love, you've missed life; so these little children that you're raising, who will become big people, have to be trained in the basics of love. That begins with us as parents. You and I, as parents, are God's physical arms of love to these little people to tutor them in what love truly means. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, December 5th. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Don't assume that your children are going to be naturally good at forming strong, healthy relationships; that's a bad assumption. They need your help to know how to develop those kinds of skills.  1:00 We'll talk more about that today. Stay with us. And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. You know, when I think back on all of the things that Mary Ann and I thought about—in terms of “These are things we need to make sure we teach our children,”—I don't know that it ever dawned on us that one of the things we needed to teach our children was how to be good at relationships. I don't know that that was ever a conscious thought—that teaching them how to be good at relationships was something we would need to do. I guess we just thought: “Well, that just happens,”—right?—“You grow up, and you're good at relationships.” Dennis: Right. And you're supposed to know how to do it naturally; right? I want to ask my bride, Barbara—we just celebrated our 46 years of marriage,— 2:00 Bob: Congratulations, by the way. Barbara: Thank you, sir. Dennis: —and we had six kids that are all married now: “Go back to the beginning. Did you and I ever have a conscious—we probably had some, when we were unconscious, raising kids—[Laughter]—Did we ever have a conscious thought about training our kids to love others?” Barbara: Not early on, but I remember having conscious thoughts about it when sibling rivalry was at its peak; because then I'm thinking, “Oh my; I have to teach these kids how to relate to each other.” Bob: —“how not to kill each other.” Barbara: Yes; so it was defensive. Bob: I do remember that—that you have to teach them how to get along with one another and, maybe, how to get along with kids on the playground. But again, the whole idea that relationship training is a part of a parent's responsibility—I think that's one of the big ideas I think you guys have captured in your book, The Art of Parenting. It's what we're going to spend time talking about on today's program. Dennis: You know, you never know, Bob, who's listening to the broadcast. I had a young lady come up to me in Boulder, Colorado, this past summer— 3:00 she said: “I grew up in Southern California. In the backseat of our car, as my mom would be driving me to school, I'd be listening to FamilyLife Today.” [Laughter] She said, “I listened to it for years—all the way through elementary school, junior high, high school. Then I kind of left the faith.” She said: “I went to Stanford, and I kind of lost my way; but graduated—came out the other side—and was listening to FamilyLife Today again when it got my attention. It was like, ‘I need to come back to what I had heard.'” She said: “I'm not married. I have a couple of kids. All that training—all that training I heard—as a little girl, growing up—is now paying off for me, as a mom. I just want to say, ‘Thank you to FamilyLife Today for doing what you do.'” Bob: Well, you know who we need to say, “Thank you,” to— Dennis: I do! Bob: —the people, who have made this program possible over the years. Dennis: That's what I want to say to our listeners right now: “Would you make this broadcast possible to another little girl like that?”—  4:00 —“maybe to their mom and dad,—maybe to a couple, who are engaged, who need to go to a Weekend to Remember®,” You've heard about it here, so you know how to get them there; but to do that, we need folks, like you, standing with us, financially, with generous gifts, here at yearend. Over 40 percent of our donations come in in the next 30 days, and those 30 days make the other 11 months possible.  Bob: Yes; that's right. Dennis: Would you stand with us? I'm serious. I've been doing this now for 27 years, and none of your money is sticking to my fingers—trust me. It's all going in to provide help and hope—biblical help and hope—for marriages and families, all across the country, and around the world. Bob: Well, and here's why right now is a really good time for you to make a yearend donation. We have some friends of the ministry, who have come along, and offered to match every donation that we receive, as a ministry, between now and the end of the year, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $2.5 million. You make a $50 donation; we get $50 from the matching fund.  5:00 You make a $100 donation; we get $100. We're hoping to take full advantage of this matching-gift opportunity. That's why we're asking you, as a listener, to be as generous as you can possibly be, here at yearend, and help us head into 2019 fully ready to take on the challenges that are in front of us, as a ministry. If you can help with a donation right now, we'd like to say, “Thank you,” by sending you a gift. Several months ago, FamilyLife® had our first feature film—a movie called Like Arrows in movie theaters. That movie is not yet available for purchase on DVD, but we have a limited supply of the DVDs that we're making available to those of you who make a yearend donation. Again, it's our thank-you gift when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make an online donation or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Again, we appreciate your support of this ministry and your partnership with us, here, on FamilyLife Today. 6:00 Now, we're talking about big ideas in parenting. This idea of helping your child know how to do relationships—this is key for parents to get their heads around. Dennis: It's one of four big ideas that we want to challenge parents with. What I compare these four with is reading, writing, and arithmetic to education. Those are the basics; those are the fundamentals. If you know how to do reading, writing, arithmetic, you can be fairly well-educated. Well, in raising kids, there are four biblical issues/big biblical issues. What I want to encourage—what Barbara and I want to challenge parents to do is establish the target. Know what you're aiming for; you might just hit it. So the reading, writing, and arithmetic of parenting are these four.  Where we're going to start today—relationships—Bob has already talked about that.  7:00 Second one—character—this is helping your kid be wise and not a fool: choosing right and not wrong, not destroying his or her life.  Third area is identity—spiritual identity: we're made in God's image; sexual identity: “Male and female created He them.” You're helping your kids determine: “What does it mean to be a boy?” “What does it mean to be a girl?” and “What are the distinctives there?” Number four—mission—teach your child he was made for a mission. Psalm 127, verses 3 through 5, says children are a blessing—they're a reward; they're a heritage—but they are also “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior…” You, as a parent—and we'll talk more about this when we talk about mission later—you, as a parent, are compared to a warrior.  8:00 And if you've never felt that in this culture, you've had your head in the sand; because you are battling for the next generation. Your children/your arrows are in your hand. How are you going to help them head to the right goal in the midst of so many confusing targets that are being thrown at them? Bob: I preached a sermon at our church recently. I said, “We tend to think of the big story of the Bible around the four themes of creation, and fall, and redemption, and then consummation.” People have heard those categories before; but I said: “What's common in all four of those periods—creation, fall, redemption, and consummation—what's common is the big idea of relationship.  “In creation, we were related in perfect harmony with God and with each other. In the fall, our relationship with God was broken; and our relationship with each other was messed up. In redemption, what was broken is put back together and repaired; and so we begin to re-cultivate a relationship with God and with one another.  9:00 “And in consummation, it's a perfectly-restored relationship that lasts for eternity.” The idea of healthy, relational functioning—the idea of the fact that we have good relationships is central to God's design for humanity.  Barbara: Yes. Dennis: I want to talk about relationships, and I want to use an illustration to do it. A Christian leader, that will remain unnamed, had just completed a 14-city book tour. He was on his way back home when he found a note that he was to have lunch with a person, who had won the bidding contest for having lunch with him after the tour was over. But he wasn't surprised at all that somebody had spend $500 in the bidding contest for lunch with him.  10:00 What surprised him most was that the person, who won the bidding, was his daughter. She wanted to have lunch with Daddy—she wanted a relationship with him. I think we forget our children were made for relationship. As Bob said earlier, they were made to be trained how to do this right.  If you think about the great commandment—when Jesus was asked, “What's the greatest of all the commandments?” what did He say? “Love God; love others,”—it's all about love. You go over to the Book of 1 Corinthians, Chapter 13 and what did Paul say?—he said: “If I speak with the tongues of men and angels but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have prophetic powers and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith so as to remove mountains but have not love”—listen to these words/three words—“I am nothing.” 11:00 First Corinthians 13 says, if you've missed love, you've missed life; so these little children that you're raising, who will become big people, have to be trained in the basics of love. That begins with us, as parents. You and I, as parents, are God's physical arms of love to these little people to tutor them in what love truly means. Bob: And Barbara, our kids are not naturally good at relationships any more than we are naturally good at relationships; because when we rebel against God—when we reject Him and say, “I'll be my own authority,”—that puts all of our relationships out of whack. Ultimately, for us to have healthy relationships, we have to have our relationship with God realigned. But as we raise the next generation, we just need to recognize our kids are not going to naturally and instinctively be good at loving one another; right? 12:00 Barbara: Yes; and I think that's one of the things that was so hard for me, as a mom, is that I expected more of my children than they were capable of giving. I think that's true, universally, because it would be so much easier for me, as a mom, if they would get it sooner and become mature quicker. But children are children, and it takes time for them to learn these lessons over and over again; because they're born selfish, just like we are. That training and teaching them: how to have a good relationship, how to ask for forgiveness, how to apologize when they've made mistakes, how to restore the relationship—that is the kind of teaching that has to be repeated over, and over, and over, and over, and over again.  It wears us out, as parents; but it is the goal—is teaching them how to have good relationships and realizing that it takes the entire 18 years that they're in your home for them to develop the kind of competence in relationships that will serve them well as they become adults. 13:00 Bob: The starting place for all of this with your kids—and this is one of the things you say in the book I think is so helpful—our kids need a healthy, loving, strong, connected relationship with us. Dennis: Yes; yes. Barbara: Right. Bob: That creates in them an awareness of what strong relationships are all about—a thirst for those kinds of relationships to be a part of their life. This is where, in the early years, moms and dads need to be focusing on building the kind of relationship with their kids that their kids—well, they want to spend $500 to have lunch with Daddy; because they crave that relationship. Dennis: And in the book, we compare loving your child to building a bridge. Now, think about a bridge for a moment. A bridge is something that is built across obstacles—it may be a river, it may be a canyon, could be a forest— 14:00 —but a bridge connects two different sections of land to each other so that traffic can go back and forth. With parents, you are given the assignment by God to, first of all, build the lanes across the bridge to your child's heart; okay? The way you do that—we have three ways/three lanes that you build. Number one: You love your child unconditionally. Number two: You pursue your child. Number three: You make forgiveness a part of your family's DNA. Let me tell you something—if this bridge goes up, and it doesn't have the third lane, the first and second are going to be crossed out by people disappointing each other. What you're doing, as a parent, is—you're training your kids to know how to love an imperfect person. Bob: And these three lanes—unconditional love, pursuit, and then forgiveness—these are lanes that you may establish early, but there are roadblocks that go up all during adolescence/pre-adolescence.  15:00 We have to keep those lanes clear, because they can get clogged over time; can't they? Barbara: Yes. And this is where parents have to be parents—they have to be mature; they have to be the wiser one and not drop down to your child's level. Really, what we're doing, as moms and dads, is—we're modeling God's love. We're showing our kids what God's love looks like. Dennis: And I'll tell you—here's the surprise in all of this. This is very simple. I thought, at the beginning, God gave us six kids to raise them. He, in essence, gave us six kids to help us grow up and learn how to love truly—a truly Agape love that loves another person, despite their attitude/their behavior. I want to tell you—when they were teenagers, they would mud-wrestle. They'd try to get you in the mud-hole with them and mud-wrestle with emotions. What you have to do is love them enough not to get in the mud-hole. 16:00 Bob: Yes; and here's the key takeaway, I think, here in the area of unconditional love: When your children experience consequences/when they experience discipline for bad decisions—and they're going to; they're going to have to be disciplined; they're going to have to get some time-outs or some privileges taken away—but what they should never experience in that is any sense that their relationship with you— Dennis: Yes; the bridge can't go down. Bob: —has been threatened at all. Barbara: Yes; yes. Bob: They have to be able to go to bed at night, going, “Okay; I got what I deserved, but Mom and Dad still love me.” Barbara: Yes; that's exactly right. Bob: Yes. Dennis: And that's where the pursuit of the child comes in. Pursuing them when they want to talk is not always going to be convenient, but you go to their room. If you have one of those moments, you pursue them and you just build that bridge. You just pursue them and let them know—and then you praise them, believe in them, especially if they're filled with self-doubt. 17:00 And by the way, most teenage boys and girls are filled with all kinds of self-doubt. They need Mom and Dad to fiercely, fiercely believe in them— Barbara: Agreed. Dennis: —and to keep expressing those words. Bob: You guys were hugely busy with what was going on in the ministry as you were raising your kids. You had six kids. I'm thinking: “One-on-one interaction with each of the six kids”—you know—“did that happen like once a quarter?” [Laughter] Dennis: How do you spell “Loser”? I felt like a loser most of the time as we were raising our kids. Bob: But you tried to be purposeful there, to say: “Okay; I need time—I haven't had time with this child for awhile. I have to get some time away,”—whether it's go to the hardware store together, or we go out for ice cream together, or we—you just tried to make sure that you were getting some one-on-one time with each of your kids all the way through the process; right? Barbara: Well, and sometimes it's just going into their room at night and getting next to that child's bed and talking to that child.  18:00 I think another thing that's really important, too, in pursuing is praying specifically for that child, by name, with him or her; because there's something about being prayed for that makes you feel loved and cared for. All the way through their years, we would go into their rooms at night—and all of them always shared a room, so they weren't really ever alone in their room when we did this—but we go to their bed and we would talk to that one child, eye to eye; and we would pray for that one child, eye to eye. We didn't do it every single night, but we did it a lot. Even those two or three minutes of one-on-one time at night in their bedroom before they turned off their light I think is also an investment that's important. Dennis: We have to get to the third lane. Bob: Forgiveness? Dennis: Forgiveness. We have to get there, because it's the core of how God relates to us: “…forgiving one another just as God in Christ forgave you.” Listen to me, parents—  19:00 —your assignment is to communicate the forgiveness of God, practically, in all the different ways they disappoint you. In the many foul-ups and the many failures, you are modeling something that is supernatural.  I have to share this quote by an unlikely source: Anne Lamont. Listen to this statement she makes about forgiveness: “Earth is forgiveness school. You might as well start at the dinner table; that way, you can do this work in comfortable pants.” [Laughter] Isn't that a great quote?! Bob: It is. Dennis: Start at the dinner table; because you can do the work of forgiveness and feel comfortable, in a family, doing it. Bob: And as you said, over and over again, part of the whole forgiveness equation is modeling for our children what it looks like to seek forgiveness when we've done wrong so that they can then know how to seek forgiveness when they've done wrong.  20:00 This whole idea of, not just granting forgiveness to our kids when they've disobeyed, but showing them, when we mess up, we need forgiveness as well—and I know that's a part of the dynamic.  I'm thinking about what you shared in the Art of Parenting™ video series, where one Thanksgiving you sat down with your kids and you had to ask for their forgiveness for how you had been harsh and critical with them. Barbara: Yes, yes; that was a real milestone, I think, in our family. Dennis and I made it a practice, all the years we were raising our kids, to apologize when we made mistakes. I apologized every day, multiple times, for all kinds of things, to our kids.  But I went through a season of really understanding—God was working in my life, and I was really coming to an understanding that I was really broken and wicked at the core. I wanted my children to understand that it was more than just I made occasional mistakes, here and there; but I wanted them to know that I was a sinner and that I was not— 21:00 —I was not infallible. I wanted them to hear me say: “I am really sorry that you have had to experience my sin nature/my old sin nature. I wish that I could have bottled it up, and hidden it more or protected you from it more, but there it is.” I just wanted them to know that I recognized that I was a sinful person, and that living with sinful people is harmful, and I wished I could have done it differently. Dennis: And at that point, you wept. Barbara: Oh, yes; yes, I was heartbroken; because I didn't want to do that to my kids. I didn't want to harm my children.  Dennis: I don't think the kids had ever seen you weep. Barbara: Well, not like that; no—no. Dennis: But she had a godly sorrow about her sin; and then she asked them, “Will you forgive me?”— Barbara: Yes. Dennis: —and went around, person by person. Barbara: And the great thing about kids is that they are always eager to forgive; because they love Mommy and Daddy, and they want a relationship. Bob: Yes.  22:00 The significance of these three lanes on this bridge can't be overestimated.  Barbara: Yes; yes.  Bob: While you're building them, it doesn't feel as significant; but when the tension comes up/when there's conflict later on, having these lanes working—unconditional love, and pursuit, and forgiveness—keeps the relationship alive and thriving. I would hope our listeners would get a copy of your book, The Art of Parenting. It is now available, and you can go online to order at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. This is a great book for moms and dads to read together. Again, the title is The Art of Parenting. There's a DVD series that goes with it that you can use with a small group. The information about the DVD series and the book are available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order from us, online; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order: 1-800-358-6329—that's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.” 23:00 Now, speaking of The Art of Parenting—this year, we produced a feature film that was a part of the Art of Parenting project. In fact, many of you saw it in theaters, back in May. It's a movie called Like Arrows. That movie is not yet available for purchase on DVD; it will be available in early spring of 2019.  We do have a limited number of DVDs we're making available this month to those of you who can help with a yearend donation to support the ministry of FamilyLife Today. As you heard Dennis mention earlier, the need is significant; but so is the opportunity. We have a matching-gift fund of $2.5 million that we're trying to take full advantage of. Every donation you make, here at yearend, is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, up to that two-and-a-half million dollar total.  If you're able, go online and donate at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate.  24:00 Again, we'll say, “Thank you,” by sending you a special pre-release DVD of FamilyLife's movie, Like Arrows. It's our way of saying, “Thank you for your partnership with us in this ministry.” And we hope you can be back with us, again, tomorrow when we're going to talk about one of the very important skills our kids need to learn as they form healthy relationships—and that's how to seek forgiveness, how to grant forgiveness, how to resolve conflict effectively. We'll talk about that tomorrow. I hope you can be with us. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?   Copyright © 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com  

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Thinking Biblically about Mission Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey                       From the series:       The Art of Parenting: Mission and Releasing (Day 1 of 2)  Bob: Dennis Rainey has a provocative, engaging question for parents to ask their children. Dennis: “If you could do anything in the world and couldn't fail, what would you do and why?” And then maybe toss this one out at the dinner table—it's by A.W. Tozer—“God is looking for people through whom He can do the impossible. What a pity we plan to do the things we can only do by ourselves.” Kids need to realize that if God is their God, they need to make their plans large. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, February 21st. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Are your children setting big goals? Do they have big dreams about how God might use them in the future? We're going to talk today about how you stir that up in your child's heart. Stay with us. 1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. We have spent a lot of time over the last six/seven months talking about parenting—actually, for the last year. I'm going all the way back to when our movie, Like Arrows, came out in theaters a year ago— Dennis: That's right. Bob: —and then the video series for the Art of Parenting™ came out shortly after that. Your book, The Art of Parenting, was released in September. We've been talking about parenting quite a bit; and of course, this is something you've been studying and reflecting on for decades. Dennis: This is a passion of both Barbara's and mine; and by the way, she joins us again on FamilyLife Today. Welcome back. Barbara: Thank you much; glad to be here. Dennis: For a little while longer, at least, welcome back. Barbara: A little while longer. [Laughter] Bob: A little while longer—yes; we shared with listeners earlier this week about the change that is coming. Dennis: That's right! Dave and Ann Wilson are going to be stepping into our shoes, and they are going to become the hosts of FamilyLife Today.  2:00 We've been at this for almost 26-and-a-half years, not quite. Bob: Yes. Dennis: But we've had the privilege of doing over 6,000 broadcasts that listeners have paid attention to dutifully and have been listening to what we've said here. Hopefully, we have helped you in your most important relationships in life. It's kind of fitting, Bob, I think, that Barbara and I are here talking about this final pillar of raising kids, which is giving your child a mission and releasing them.  Something like FamilyLife Today can't die with my hands or Barbara's hands tightly gripped around the microphone saying: “No, no, no! You can't have someone else lead this!” We're all meant to pass it on—to pass the baton. We're excited to be able to do that. Dave and Ann Wilson have been in ministry for a number of years, and I think our listeners are going to love them. 3:00 I believe, for FamilyLife Today and FamilyLife®, the best is yet to be. Bob Lepine is still going to be at the microphone, so I'm excited. What about you, sweetheart? Barbara: I am too. We've known Dave and Ann for years. We love their enthusiasm; we love their energy. They are both very biblically-anchored, and they will just do a fabulous job. In fact, I think they'll do a better job, in many ways, than we did— Dennis: I think you're right. Barbara: —because they're just—they're great people, and everybody's going to love them. Bob: We've heard from them already this week. We're going to hear from them again next week. It is nice when you can make a handoff to friends and people who you admire and respect; and that's the case with Dave and Ann. Dennis: Kindred spirit friends.  By the way, just a transition to today's broadcast—because I want to get on with that—we've been talking, as you mentioned, Bob, for a number of months about the essence of raising children. We talked about how the Scriptures really break it down into four categories.  4:00 The first one is the Great Commandment, which is teaching your child how to have a relationship with God and with others. The second area of parenting is that of building character into your children—teaching them to be wise and not be a fool; teaching them right from wrong; how to choose what's right; obey God—that's what the Book of Proverbs is about. A little earlier this year, we talked about the third area, which is the issue of identity—emotional, spiritual, and sexual identity. The Bible speaks clearly to all of those areas. This last one that we're talking about today is really something that Barbara and I will probably fight one another for the microphone, because we both feel strongly about this; and that's giving your child a sense of mission—helping them discover why God put them here, on the planet, in the first place. It's really spoken of in one of my favorite verses that I've quoted many, many times, here, on FamilyLife Today—Ephesians, Chapter 2, verse 10:  5:00 “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Did you hear what Paul was saying there? He was saying we are God's work of art. Your child is God's work of art. He has prepared that child for an assignment that is unique to him. In doing research for this book, we found out that, way back in the 18th century, there was a doctor who discovered fingerprints. He was the guy who discovered that each person has a unique fingerprint on every one of their fingers and thumbs. I think it's a statement of how God has a unique assignment/a unique ability built into every child. What your assignment is, as a parent—listen to me—your assignment is, as a pair of parents, or as a single parent, or as a blended family— 6:00 —you have to help your child discover who he or she is and cheer them on in the race of life, cheering them on to become all that God called them to be. Bob: When we were working on the Art of Parenting video series and we created the movie, Like Arrows, the reason the movie is called Like Arrows is because of what it says in Psalm 127, verse 4—that children are “like arrows in the hands of a warrior.” You've said many times arrows are meant to be aimed and released. We're going to talk about the aiming part of that today—how we help point our kids in the right direction before we release them. You want to do this in kind of rapid-fire style. Dennis: We did an earlier broadcast, which I call the “Twitter version”— Bob: Yes. Dennis: —real quick, cut-to-the-chase, practical, biblical—but helping you be successful, as parents. Barbara and I are going to tag-team this and go every other one. We're going to give you our best tips on helping your child find his or her mission in their lives. 7:00 Bob: Okay; who's going to—are you going to give us the first tweet, Barbara? Barbara: I will do that with delight. The first one is: “Evaluate your own life.” You know, parenting starts, so often, with us. We have to know what we believe/what's important to us before we can ever pass it on to our kids. So that's what this is about. Evaluate your own life: “Are you a person on mission? How would you describe the mission that God has given you? Are you excited about fulfilling God's mission, and are you talking about it with your children as you do life together?” You can't teach your children how to have a mission if you don't have one yourself. Dennis: Most of the important lessons in life are caught, not taught; so what's your mission? Second one: “Ask God to give you discernment, as you raise your child, to spot his or her gifts, abilities, passions, and burdens.” What we call it is: “What is his or her missional DNA?”  8:00 Ask God, by the Holy Spirit, to teach you, as they emerge from their lives—as you raise them all the way through the toddler years, the elementary years, junior high, high school, and beyond. Just speak truth into your children: “You know, you're pretty good when you're championing this cause.” Help them spot what their mission is, and then speak it into their lives. Let them know you've seen it, multiple times. Barbara: Number three is: “Affirm and encourage your child when you see him or her operating in what appears to be a sweet spot or a gift, and let them know that you see that and recognize it.” There will be really awkward years when you may not see much for awhile. Dennis: Yes! [Laughter] Barbara: But when you do—when you do spot something that they're really good at—then affirm that, and mention it, and help him or her see it too. Dennis: This fourth one is very practical: “Use a date night with your spouse to sharpen your inventory of your child's life.”  9:00 Bob, many, many times, you know, Barbara and I had a date night. We'd go out and we'd talk about our calendar / we'd talk about what we're going to be doing; and we'd also talk about each child. Keep a record of what you're talking about each child and sharpen your inventory of who they are, what they are good at, and how you can better cheer them on. Barbara: Number five is: “As you decide what your mission is, as mom and dad/as parents, talk about that with your kids. If possible, begin to bring them into the process; so, if your mission in life is something you include your kids on, bring them in on it with you. And then, as your kids get older, start reading books to them or with them or give them books to read that will help them think through how to have a mission. Dennis's book, Choosing a Life That Matters, would be a good one; Rick Warren's book, The Purpose-Driven Life; and there are probably others.  10:00 Help your child, especially in the teenage years, read books that help him think through, “What is my purpose?” Bob: And when you're talking about your life on mission, it could be what the two of you are doing together—something that you're involved with—but it can just be how you're living out your faith in whatever arena God's put you in— Barbara: That's right; that's right. Bob: —whether that's the workplace, whether it's clubs or activities, or people you're interacting with—it's helping your kids see how you're integrating faith into the world God's called you into; so that they can understand, “Oh, this is how I do it in my world,”—right? Barbara: Exactly. Dennis: As Barbara was reading that, I was thinking about the time we bought—I don't know how many—packages of hot dogs to host an evangelistic outreach in our home for junior high and high school kids. We were ready for 100 kids. I mean, we had the buns, we had the dogs—and seven kids came. [Laughter] Barbara: Yes. Dennis: We ate those dogs for a long, long time. [Laughter] You know what the kids caught in that? They caught the passion that Mom and Dad wanted to be a part of reaching out to others, spiritually, and helping them find hope and help in Jesus Christ.  11:00 The interesting thing is—by the time we quit, we had over 400 kids coming out to meetings at school—to host kids to find out about Jesus Christ. Number six: “Fan the flames of your child's dreams.” Perhaps consider asking this question: “If you could do anything in the world and couldn't fail, what would you do and why?” Then maybe toss this one out at the dinner table—it's by A.W. Tozer—“God is looking for people through whom He can do the impossible. What a pity we plan to do the things we can only do by ourselves.” Kids need to realize that if God is their God, they need to make their plans large. Barbara: Number seven is: “If possible, use testing services as children move into their middle teens and beyond.” This is something that Dennis and I did with some of our kids, not all of them.  12:00 We took them through some different testing things to help them see what their innate strengths were, what their weaknesses were, and what they could develop and potentially become. It sort of expanded their view of themselves; it helped them see themselves objectively. Bob: Some of this was personality and temperament, but some of it was vocational aptitude. Barbara: Aptitude; yes. Dennis: Yes; that's exactly right. Barbara: It was really helpful. Dennis: Number eight: “Encourage and affirm small and big steps of faith for your kids.” I think this is an area, Bob, where a lot of parents miss an opportunity to affirm their children when they step out and take little steps of faith or maybe a big one. Call it to the attention of your other children or, maybe, with adults. Children take steps of faith; be sure to point it out and affirm them as they do it. Barbara: I agree. Number nine is: “Teach your kids how to process failure.” I think this one is really, really important; because what we tend to do with our kids is— 13:00 —we want them to win, especially as moms, I think. We want our kids to succeed; we don't want them to fail. And yet, failure can often be the best teacher, because we learn in life through our failures.  I remember we used to read stories about famous people to our kids. The story of Thomas Edison was one that we read. He failed thousands of times before he finally invented the lightbulb. I think it's helpful, in this pressure-driven world, that our children understand that it's okay to fail and make mistakes. Dennis: Number ten: “Be a person of faith too.” Sometimes, your pushing your kids out on a mission is going to come back and test your own faith. Do you remember, sweetheart, when our son came home and told us he was going to spend his senior year in college on the mission field in a former Soviet state in Estonia, introducing Estonian college students to Jesus Christ? Barbara: Yes; I remember. 14:00 Dennis: He was going into Communist block housing to live and drove this car that was—we went over there, Bob—and it was a joke. They went over there; and in a period of a year, they led one person to Christ. Today, that ministry in Tallinn, at the university there, is student-led by dozens of Estonian college students, in some part due to Benjamin's, our son's, step of faith—and when his parents had to take a step of faith, too, and quench their fears and go, “Okay, God; we're going to trust You with our kids.” Barbara: Amen; we did. Number 11—this one sort of goes along with it—Number 11 is: “Pray with and for your child for the fulfillment of God's mission for his or her life.” We did pray for our son, and we prayed for our other kids too. Oftentimes, at night, when we put them to bed, we prayed that they would know what God had called them to do and that they would see what God's purposes were for their lives. 15:00 Dennis: Number 12: “Read Ephesians 2:10 as a family.” This is a good one; because what you can do is assign this verse to, maybe, an older child, who can dig into the Bible and do a little Bible study and share a few minutes—three to five minutes—of thoughts about what this verse teaches. It's back to the verse that says, “We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”  There are other verses we recommend here: Matthew 6:33, which talks about seeking first the kingdom of God; Matthew 28:19-20, which is the Great Commission. These are all commands of Jesus Christ that the church today needs to take seriously. Our young people, I think, are capable of far more than we're challenging them with. Barbara: Agreed. Number 13 is something else you might discuss at the dinner table, and this isn't a verse.  16:00 This is an Ethiopian proverb, and it goes like this: “The feet take a person where one's heart is.” That would just be an interesting conversation to have—maybe it's not at the dinner table; maybe it's at night before bed, or maybe when you're driving your kids to school. Just talk about: “What does that mean? What does it mean to follow what's in your heart?” because God often puts desires in our hearts that He wants us to fulfill. That's a part of discerning His plan. Dennis: My son, Benjamin, recently called me, the other day. He mentioned number 14—he said, “This book ought to be required reading of every junior high and high school student in America.” He was speaking of Katie Davis Majors' book, Daring to Hope. Number 14 is: “Assign one of your children to read Katie's book, Daring to Hope, and then give a report/a book report to the family.” 17:00 Tighten your seatbelts for this is quite a story of a young lady's faith, who stepped out, as a young college-aged student, and began adopting Ugandan girls. I forget the number she's up to now—is it 13? Bob: I think she's adopted 13, and then I think she and her husband have had their own biological child. They live in Uganda. Katie was working in an orphanage there; in fact, her story is one that we featured on FamilyLife Today. If listeners want to go to our website, they can listen to the podcast and hear her share the story. That may be something for the family to listen to together. Dennis: I would, Bob. I know this—when Benjamin called me, he said, “Dad, this is one of the best books I have ever read.” Katie is in her late 20s/early 30s now? Bob: Yes. Dennis: But it is a compelling story of someone who just took God at His Word and decided to go do something that represented the heart of God for orphans. You know what?— 18:00 —that is pure and undefiled religion. Bob: Let's say, as a parent, you have one child, who wants— Dennis: Now wait a second, Bob—we did it! Bob:  You want me to acknowledge all 14. [Laughter] Dennis: All 14! Bob: By the way, all 14 of these are available on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com— Dennis: —and they're also available in our book, The Art of Parenting. Bob: Yes; and you can order the book, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can download the list if you'd like to. I'm just thinking of the parents, who are going: “We have three kids. One wants to be a veterinarian; one wants to be a professional baseball player; and the third one doesn't know what she wants to do. How do I talk about mission when what my kids are interested in is not particularly spiritual?” Barbara: Well, I think that it's helping them think through mission in a broad viewpoint too. I've always believed that medicine is ministry. We have a son-in-law, who's a doctor. We've been on medical mission trips with doctors and nurses.  19:00 Those fields aren't strictly defined as ministry, but they are. I think that—one of the things that Dennis and I did is that we took our kids on missions trips. It was one of the ways that we wanted to help expose them to the things that God was doing in the world. So, as a family, you might take your kids and go on a week-long mission trip to Guatemala with your church, or wherever your church is doing missions. Even if your child does want to become a veterinarian or whatever, they may change; but you can also come alongside that natural desire and expose them to things that God is doing around the world. Dennis: I think it's very important that we don't create a sense of someone, who is not in vocational Christian ministry—that if you're not doing that, you're a second-class citizen in God's kingdom. Bob: Yes— Barbara: I agree. Bob: —or you're not “on mission.” Dennis: Exactly! Barbara: Right; right. Dennis: I think it's interesting—I think all of our kids are in ministry.  20:00 I wouldn't say that any of them, right now, are in full-time vocational Christian work. Our son, Samuel, is a counselor—that's as close as it gets to full-time vocational work. And yet, we're applauding them as they fulfill God's assignment for who He made them to be. They're raising their families, and they're also taking their kids on mission trips. They're exposing them to God's work and what He's doing around the country and around the world. Bob: When any of us bring biblical thinking and God's love and grace for others into whatever arena we're in, now, all of a sudden, that arena has become a mission field. I think for us, as parents, that's what we have to be helping our kids understand. We're not sure what the unique “good works that God prepared beforehand, that you should walk in” are yet; but whatever they are, you can bring a biblical worldview and you can bring God's love and grace into that arena; and it can be transformative, whatever it is. 21:00 Dennis: That's exactly right. You know, one of the most frequent comments made to Barbara and me, now that we have stepped out of leading FamilyLife, is—people say, “So, what are you doing now that you're retired?” [Laughter] It's kind of like: “Well, you finished that. Now, you're just off— Barbara: —“doing nothing.” Dennis: “—doing nothing”?—“kind of kicked it in neutral”? I have to tell you—this is an exciting time to be alive! Bob: Yes. Dennis: Barbara and I are not going to rust out; we're not going to go away. It may be that we're not heard on 1,000 stations across the country, but the checkout lady at the counter at Kroger may hear from me; and I may give the guy who picks up our garbage a copy of our book, Stepping Up—or the electrician, who does the repair work—I did that the other day. We're all on mission; and we're going to be doing some things, going forward. We'll be talking about that in the coming days ahead on FamilyLife Today.  22:00 But we have an assignment that we're going to complete. We're not retiring in the traditional sense—we're not withdrawing from battle—I don't think God made us to ever retire. Barbara: I agree. Dennis: I think we should be about the battle all the way to the finish line, doing only what God has called you to do, and where God is at work. Frankly, both Barbara and I have been praying this—we don't want to be doing anything where God isn't already there and being at work in people's lives. Bob: Well, and I don't think it's just the checkout lady or the garbage man who are going to be hearing from you in the days ahead. [Laughter] I think the rest of us are going to be hearing from you as well. We do, again, have the list of ways you can help your children think, missionally, as you raise them. That's available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. We also have your book, The Art of Parenting, which we are making available today to any listener who can help support the ministry of FamilyLife Today with a donation.  23:00 You know that the whole reason why hundreds of thousands of people are being impacted every day by the help and the hope they hear on this program is because there's a small group of listeners, who say: “This is important. This matters for me, for my family, for our community, for my city, for the world.” Those of you who support the ministry—you have made today's program possible.  Now, we're asking you to help make tomorrow's program possible by going online and making a donation to support FamilyLife Today. When you do, upon your request, we'll send you a copy of Dennis and Barbara Rainey's book, The Art of Parenting. You can donate at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Be sure to ask for your copy of the book, The Art of Parenting, when you make a donation. If you'd like more information about the video series—the Art of Parenting—that's available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com as well. Our movie, Like Arrows—you remember that's a part of the Art of Parenting— 24:00 —the movie is now available for purchase as well. You can order a DVD from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Now, tomorrow, we want to talk about letting go—releasing our children to life/to thriving on their own. Dennis and Barbara Rainey will join us again tomorrow. I hope you can be here as well. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?   Copyright © 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com  

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. The Team Approach Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey                       From the series:       Art of Parenting: What Every Parent Needs (Day 3 of 3)  Bob: As parents, it's important that you continue to grow in your relationship with the Lord and in your understanding of Scripture, because Barbara Rainey says you never know when your kids are going to ask you a question that's a stumper. Barbara: I'll never forget—my grandson said to our daughter—he said, “Mom, why do I need to tell God what I did when He already knows?” Those are the kinds of things that parents run into. You've got to teach your children—what it means to forgive; why you need to confess your sin to God—because kids are smart, and they're going to start thinking about that stuff. They're going to press you on it. You have to know why you're going where you're going with your kids.  This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, October 31st. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. As parents, we don't have to have all the answers to the questions our kids ask us; but we need to know where to find the answers. We'll talk more about that today. Stay with us. 1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. We've been spending time this week talking about: “What's at the heart of parenting?”—what parents need to be thinking about and processing, together, as they raise their children. I'm thinking back to when you first started working through what the Bible has to say about parenting—this was more that a quarter of a century ago— Barbara: Gosh, that's sounds forever. Bob: I know. It does; doesn't it? [Laughter] Right in the middle of— Dennis: I think it is forever. [Laughter] Bob: —in the middle of raising your kids, you took an extended season of time and dug into the Scriptures, and talked to a lot of pastors, and Bible teachers, theology professors. Dennis: —men and women. Bob: You got a lot of input. What is in your book, The Art of Parenting, is a lot of the fruit that came from those conversations, back years ago.  2:00  The thing I love about that is the fact that it's still as relevant today as it was then, because we're talking about things that are eternal—not things that are temporal.  Barbara: Yes.  Dennis: This was created in 1990 and ‘91, prior to radio. Because once radio started—it's daily—I wasn't able to get the time away to be able to do the fresh thinking that I took over a 12-18-month period. But I looked to see if I could condense down: “What's the essence of parenting? What does God want us to do?”—and I found four things. I think He wants us to teach relationships to our children—how to relate to God / how to relate to another sinful, selfish human being. We're preparing our children, someday, probably for marriage. But our kids need to know how to love God and love one another. Secondly, we are establishing and building their character. We're shaping a child, who's wise and not a fool—who knows what's right and what's wrong—how to choose one and not the other.  3:00  Character development is something that God works, over time, in our lives to create. The Bible is full of all kinds of illustrations of this. In fact, I think we take a whole chapter in the book, talking about how God develops character in us. I think we could take a page out of “How God Does That” and apply that to us, as parents; and we do that.  Third is the issue of identity. Keep in mind this was developed in 1990 and ‘91. We talked about how God created us with a spiritual identity: “Who are we?” “What are we to be about?” “Do we have value?” “Do we have purpose?” The answer is: “Yes.” Also, sexual identity. One of the first descriptions of man—in Genesis, Chapter 1, verses 26-28, was that He identified them as male and female. He says that definition three times in a matter of three verses.  4:00 Our sexual and spiritual identity, I believe today, are on the line as never before. Finally, the fourth area is mission: “Why are we here?” “What's our purpose?” These arrows were not designed to stay in the quiver. Children were made to be pulled back on a bow and let go and released to fulfill God's mission for their lives. Bob: Your wife Barbara is joining us this week as we talk about what parents need to keep in mind as we raise the next generation. Barbara, we've talked about the big picture—having the end in mind as you raise your kids. But parents need to also have kind of a working strategic plan for what they're doing. Dennis: Yes. Bob: In fact, this is really the heart of you book. You help parents come up with a short-term strategic plan that needs to be reviewed and updated throughout the parenting years so that you're always thinking: “In the next 12 months, what are the priorities?” 5:00 Barbara: Yes; right. Bob: “In the next 24 months, what are the priorities?” Then come back—revisit that/readdress that—so that you're being intentional as you raise your kids. Barbara: Yes; and that's a big word for us. Dennis and I have always wanted to be very intentional with our kids, and with our marriage, and with our lives; because we think that is what God has called us to do. He hasn't called us just to exist and have fun. He has created us that we would glorify Him, and that we would raise godly children, and that we would have a marriage that would honor Him. That takes intentionality; it isn't going to happen accidently. It's not going to happen just by doing life. You have to make decisions that cause that to happen. As we talk about parenting, you have to begin with the end in mind.  In our book, we write and try to create a vision—try to help parents see the big picture—help them see the wonderful calling it is to be a parent, because it's so easy to get caught up in the messiness of being a parent.  6:00 We are constantly casting that vision; but we're also trying to be very practical and help—you know: “How to make decisions,” “How to work together as a team,” “How to be intentional,” “How to have the right values govern your everyday life, as a mom and a dad,”—so it's both, together. Dennis: And the way we did that was on a date night. We'd get out on a date; and initially—I've got to admit—I was kind of looking for some romantic date nights, [Laughter] where we just had a fun time; because we had six kids in ten years. Ultimately, those date nights became the Vice-president and President hiding away from the kids [Laugher] on a date in a restaurant.  Barbara: They were strategy sessions on how to survive the next week. Dennis: They were! [Laugher] We would look at the calendar—we would look at where we were going. We would review our road map: “Where are we taking them?” “What does this child need?” “What does that child need us to especially work on in his or her life?” Barbara: And sometimes, our dinners were preoccupied by one child that was especially needy at that particular time.  7:00 Dennis: Exactly. Barbara: We didn't always go over all of them.  Dennis: No, no; sometimes, there was no room for romance.  Barbara: Oh, most of the time. [Laugher] Dennis: Okay; most of the time. [Laughter] But Bob, here's the thing—we would use those times to pull back to the big picture and get a clearer road map, going forward, and just say: “What are we doing here? We don't want to be held hostage by comparing ourselves with other families that may be too busy—that don't have the same stuff going on that we have.”  We tried to say: “Lord, here's what You called us to do to make an impact in other people's marriages and families. Help us to not lose our own marriage in the midst of this, but also raise effective children in the process.” Bob: Anybody, who's in the business world, understands a couple of things: First of all, there are some things that are urgent, and there are some things that are important. We usually focus on the urgent and ignore the important—and that's not good.  8:00 Secondly, you understand that, unless you take some time to develop strategic priorities, you can get caught up in the day to day but never be thinking about: “What are our goals or our aspirations?”  You've mapped out in your book, The Art of Parenting, a way for parents to do some concrete, short-term, strategic planning—to get away from the urgent for a little bit and focus on the important. There are seasons, where the urgent is going to dominate—I get that; right?—the house is on fire—you don't think, “Where do we want to go on vacation next summer?” But get away from the urgent for a few minutes and look at the bigger picture—the important.  When parents do that, it's a fundamental shift in their parenting; and all of a sudden, now, they're parenting with a level of intentionality.  Dennis: Here's where our book and the video series, The Art of Parenting™, spells out and takes people through a process where they reduce in writing on a sheet of paper that is called “Your Child's Arrow.” It's actually a picture of an arrow, where you fill out each of the four areas I mentioned at the beginning of this broadcast—  9:00 —relationships, character, identity, and mission—you look at those.  It's interesting—Barbara and I would move from child to child and look at where they needed to be developed. From time to time, every one of them had something of those four things that they needed us to either anticipate an issue that was coming down the pike, or where we needed to give them a little more focused attention to be successful in one of those four areas. Barbara: It seems to me, as I look back on that, that we most often talked about character and relationship issues; because those are the ones that seem to be the ones that we run into, day in and day out, in raising a family. We would talk about: “What are we going to do about lying?” We would talk about: “What are we going to do about hitting siblings?” or “…not respecting your sister's closet?”—you know: “You can't just go in and take stuff.  10:00 “You've got to ask.” There were all of these character/behavioral kinds of things that we were instilling values in. Then, the relationship side we talked about all the time, too; because we had sibling rivalry every day—thousands of times, it felt like, every day. We were teaching over, and over, and over again about being kind; about how to ask for forgiveness; how to say you are sorry / “Will you forgive me?”; how to pray and ask God to forgive you, and why you wanted to. I'll never forget—my grandson said to our daughter—he said, “Mom, why do I need to tell God what I did when He already knows?” Those are the kinds of things that parents run into. You've got to teach your children—what it means to forgive; why you need to confess your sin to God—because kids are smart, and they're going to start thinking about that stuff. They're going to press you on it. You have to know why you're going where you're going in all four of these areas with your kids.  Bob: When your kids hit pre-adolescence and then adolescence, that's where the identity piece starts to really emerge.  11:00 Barbara: Yes. Bob: During toddlerhood and elementary years, you're probably not focused a whole lot on identity. Of course, in these days, it's happening younger and younger with these kids as they start to say: “Okay; who am I?  Barbara: Yes.  Bob: “What did God make me to be? What am I good at? Will I ever be popular? What's my life all about?” This is more subtle than some of the character and relationship issues we deal with— Barbara: That's right.  Bob: —but parents can't just tune this out and think it's going to happen; right?   Barbara: No; and I think probably, in this culture, you need to be more intentional and more aggressive even than we were; because, you know, your kids are hearing it. If you don't know your kids are hearing it, we want to tell you: “Your kids are hearing it. They're aware of it. They may hear somebody say something at school or even at church.”  Bob: You're talking about gender identity. Barbara: We're talking about gender identity issues; yes. I think you have got to be—parents have to be proactive today, even at younger ages, because of what children are being exposed to.  12:00 Bob: Even beyond the gender-identity question, which is huge, every junior high kid is figuring out: “Am I one of the popular kids?” “Am I a jock?” “Am I part of the theater group?” “Am I a nerd?” Barbara: Yes.  Bob: They're coming up with a self-assessment, saying, “Where do I fit into the pack here?” Those can be challenging years for an adolescent. Dennis: They can. I think the adolescent years are where the character begins to emerge and where you're still not done with discipline of your children. Bob: There are a couple other things that you think are vital for moms and dads if they are going to be effective, as parents—one is that they not try to go this alone, just the two of them. They need to be in community with other parents. This is essential; isn't it? Dennis: It is absolutely essential.  Barbara: Yes. Dennis: I think, especially, today with the issues coming at young people, as never before, it takes a village. Bob: Well, I've shared this before—you guys have heard me say this— 13:00 —but we were part of a small group with other parents with kids the same age as our kids. I remember many a Sunday night when we were headed over to our small group, leaving the house and just going, “Okay; they're all going to jail pretty soon,”—[Laughter]—you know—“because they're all just messing up.”  We would get to small group and, somehow, in the conversation that night, we'd learn that everybody else's kids were acting out too.  Barbara: Yes. Bob: And we'd drive home going, “Okay; we're not alone in this.” It just gave us a such a sense of relief.  Dennis: I want to give the shout-out to a principal, who's just a couple of miles up the road from FamilyLife's headquarters—one of the top schools in America. It's called Little Rock Christian Academy. Dr. Gary Arnold courageously stepped up and he said: “You know what we're going to do? We're going to require every sixth grader to go through Passport to Purity™ with their parents.” I thought—when Gary told me that, I thought: “This is the best kind of peer pressure— 14:00 Bob: Yes. Dennis: — “to have 140 sixth-graders—with their mom / with their dad—go through this Friday night-Saturday experience by themselves with their parent. But then, come back to school and begin to talk about it.  Here's a whole class of kids—they're [now] seniors in high school—so they've got other eyes, who know what the content was in that Passport to Purity weekend—the entire class having been through it. I think it's the best kind of peer pressure that's available today.  Barbara: Another thing that we did—that I think was really helpful for our kids and for us—is we knew a lot of people—still do—who are great faith heroes / people who walk with God. When we had the opportunity to bring them over to our house for dinner, we would get the kids around. We'd all sit at the table; and we would just hand it over to our friends and we say, “Tell our kids the story about what happened when you went to Africa,” “Tell our kids the story about…”—whatever—because I wanted our children to hear that faith was real and authentic for people other than Mom and Dad.  15:00 Because it's real easy for kids to think: “Aw, it's just Mom and Dad,” and “They're old, and they're archaic,”—and whatever. If they can hear someone else being in love with Christ, and being excited about walking with Him, then they might go: “Oh, maybe Mom and Dad aren't so dumb after all. Maybe they're on to something.”     That was something that we did. It's an idea that I think a lot of other families can incorporate, just with people who are in your church. There are heroes of the faith in your churches that you can bring over and say, “Tell a story to my kids.” Bob: There's one other essential for effective parenting. This is one of those things that we could say it—and people would go, “Yes, yes; that's one of those ‘Put it on the list, so you can check it off.'” But you guys really feel this is not a cliché—this is a vital part of parenting. Dennis: This is how you do it—Proverbs 24: 3 and 4 says: “By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established.  16:00 “By knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.” How do you get the wisdom to build a house?—you cry out to God and you say: “Help! Help! We don't know what we're doing, God.”  We've prayed the prayer of a helpless parent on so many different occasions, because we were brought to our knees around issues we didn't know how to answer/address——didn't know how to tackle. We would pray for the kids; we would pray with our kids. We would pray we'd catch our kids doing what's right and we would catch them doing wrong—all for the purpose of shaping their lives to reflect what God wants to do in their souls.  Bob: We put together a prayer challenge for parents not long ago. Barbara: Yes. Bob: This was as kids were heading back to school; but honestly, this is something you can do at any point in time. We were sending out prayer prompts every day, where a mom or dad would get an email that says:  17:00 “Here's what you can pray for your kids today…”—a 30-day practice—just to try to jumpstart this discipline in the life of parents so that you get into a rhythm of regularly praying for your kids. I know, for a lot of parents, it can feel like: “Okay; I did that. I can check it off the list. Did anything really just happen there?” This is where we got to, by faith, go: “There's a God, who's listening, who's called us to pray / who wants us to pray. This will be good for us and good for our kids.” God hears those prayers and responds to them. Barbara: Yes; and t's important that we pray with our kids, and in front of our kids, and for them; so that they see it modeled. They don't just hear that we do it; but it's something that they participate in, as they're growing up.  When we were writing the book, The Art of Parenting, one of the things I wanted to do was get our children—who are all grown now—I wanted to get their voices in the book; I wanted to get some of their experience in the book, because all of them are married and all of them have kids now.  18:00 I wanted them to kind of say: “What have you learned?” “What are you using that you learned?” “What are you changing that you thought we did terrible, and you're doing it differently?” I wanted their voices to be heard.  We asked our kids to write some stories. One of the ones that came in first—that we still, to this day, delight in—is the story of Dennis praying with the kids when he would drive them to school in the morning. He didn't do it every day, but he did it enough that this one child—our daughter—remembers him praying.  What's so fun about it is that, when we would do this—when we would pray with our kids in the morning before school / when we would pray with them at night—so often, they would give us this, “Oh, do we have to?” kind of a thing. As parents, you think: “My gosh; is this making any difference? Am I getting anywhere?” You just so doubt yourself and second-guess yourself.  But our daughter wrote the story of how she remembered Dad taking them to school in the morning.  19:00 She describes him “Octopus-arm Dad”; because he would have his coffee in one hand, a handful of cereal in the other. Then, he'd be shaving with another hand, [Laughter] and throwing the cereal into his mouth and eating while he was driving all along. The way she described it—it was just this beautiful picture of all the things that were happening in his seat, as he was driving to get to school.  But she said, “I remember he always prayed for us; and he always prayed three things: that God would protect us from evil, and from harm, and from temptation; and he ended all of his prayers with that.” She said, “I remember, at the time, thinking, “Ya, ya, ya—whatever.” But she said, “Now, that I'm a mom, when I take my kids to school every day”—they're in elementary school—“I pray the same words, every day, over my kids; because I know God hears, and I know that's what He wants me to do with my girls.”  It was really encouraging to see, as parents; because we do want to quit and give up, because we don't see results. You're not going to see results quickly like we would like.  20:00 It's not a short-term process. Hang in there; and pray together, as a couple. But pray for and with you kids; so that they can hear it, and see it, and you can model it for them.  Bob: I know your heart for this book and for the video series is that moms and dads will not just read this and go: “That was a good book. That was helpful.” You want this to be a strategic plan. Barbara: Yes. Bob: You want them to begin to implement things in their parenting that are going to have an eternal impact on their children's lives. Dennis: We know it will impact generations— Bob: Right. Dennis: —because that's what children are all about. Bob: Well, we've got copies of your book and the video series in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center. I'd encourage our listeners—if you don't have a copy—or if you know a couple, who have just begun a family / maybe some moms and dads, who've got three or four kids, and they could use a little help—get a copy of the book, The Art of Parenting, and pass it on as a gift to them. You can order from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order.  21:00 I'll tell you what—better yet—if there are four or five couples that you know in your neighborhood or in your church, why don't you invite them over, have a potluck meal, and then watch session one of the Art of Parenting small group series, and say, “Would y'all like to come back in a couple of weeks and we'll go through Session 2?” Take them through all of this content—it would be a great outreach—a great way to help equip and train the next generation.  Find out more about the Art Parenting small group series kit when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order that from us, online; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. I tell you what—you could invite them over—and the kit includes the movie, Like Arrows, that was in theaters, back earlier this year. Invite them over for a movie night—watch the movie together, and then ask them if they'd like to go through the content from there— 22:00 —maybe a little less threatening; huh? Again, all the information is available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY.  You know, we think the things we've talked about today—these issues are eternally significant. When we talk about marriages and families, we're not simply talking about how you can all get along better and have a happier family. We recognize there's more at stake here than just happiness. We're talking about the eternal trajectory of your life, your spouse's life, your children's lives.  Here, at FamilyLife®, we want to effectively develop godly marriages and families—not just happy marriages and families—but godly marriages and families. We are so grateful that some you, who are regular listeners, feel as we do—that this kind of conversation is critical. We know that because you have supported us in the past.  23:00 You've made today's program possible, and it's been listened to today by hundreds of thousands of people. On behalf of those who have benefited from our conversation today: “Thank you for your support that has made it possible.”  If you are a long-time listener and you have never become a part of the team that helps FamilyLife Today happen, we'd like you to go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to donate to support this ministry or to become a monthly Legacy Partner. You can donate, online, again, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate at 1-800-358-6329—1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.”  When you do, be sure to ask for the gift we want to make available to you this month. It's our 2019 calendar, “A Year of Togetherness as a Family.” There are activities and Bible verses to memorize each month—things that you can do to build, and bond, and grow together, as a family.  24:00 Again, the calendar is our gift to you when you donate to support the ministry of FamilyLife Today. We appreciate that support.  And we hope you can join us again tomorrow when we're going to hear from a mom, who got a wakeup call one day when her pastor handed her a jar of pennies. Eryn Lynum will be here tomorrow to explain why that was so significant. I hope you can be here as well.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?   Copyright © 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com  

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Leaning on the Lord Guests:                      Dennis and Barbara Rainey                                   From the series:       Art of Parenting: What Every Parent Needs (Day 1 of 3)                             Bob: The demands we face as parents are daily and, sometimes, urgent demands. Barbara Rainey says, in the midst of that, we've got to keep in mind the long-term perspective of parenting. Barbara: As parents, we're so often reactive; and we're so often mired in today and the issues of today—whether it's potty training, or lying, or first day of school, or whatever it is—we get really bogged down in the today. It's hard to make ourselves think ahead. Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, October 29th. Our host is Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine. In parenting, it's important that all of us keep the main thing the main thing. We're going to talk about how we do that, as parents, today. Stay with us. 1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. I don't know if you guys have had this kind of an opportunity—I say “you guys” because your wife, Barbara, is in the studio with us today. Welcome Barbara. Barbara: Thank you Bob. Dennis: Hi Sweetheart. Barbara: Hi!  Bob: Have you had the opportunity to sit down with expectant parents, who are about to have their first baby, and just say: “Okay; let me give you the lay of the land. Let me tell you what's coming”? Have you had parents like that, who have said, “Would you just prep us?” You know, we do premarital counseling, but we don't do a whole lot of pre-parenting counseling for first-time parents. Have you ever had that opportunity? Barbara: Well, I've had a lot of opportunities to talk to young women, who are going to have their first baby about the birthing process, because that's really front and center in most of their minds—it's: “How am I going to get this kid here? How am I going to survive it? How are we going to…”—all that stuff at the beginning—feeding and all of that. That's really where most young women's minds are: “How am I going to survive the first six months?”  2:00 So they don't really think much beyond that—I don't think. I think it's getting the baby here, getting it healthy, learning how to feed it and take care of it—and that's about as far as I think they go, mentally.  Bob: When I was a young parent, I wasn't thinking much beyond the here and now—the next couple of weeks. I didn't have the big picture in mind. I think, for a lot of parents, that's just where we live. Dennis: I think it's a time of blissful joy, and they really don't know what's ahead for them. I think there is a lot of optimism—and may I say it about us?—a lot of arrogance. We thought we'd do a better job than our parents would do. It wasn't that we thought we were better people; we just thought we've been better-equipped. We've had some great teachers of the Bible; we've had some mentors that have built into our lives, and we thought we could do it, Bob. I don't think I thought it would be easy, but I thought it was going to be easier than it was. [Laughter] 3:00 Bob: So today, what we're going to do is—we're going to do some of this pre-parenting counseling that will, hopefully, help moms and dads think—not so much about labor and delivery—because they're taking classes for that; right? Barbara: Right. Bob: They're going through sessions on how to breathe and all of this. But we want them to be thinking about the next 18 years with this son or daughter that they are about to have and to come back and say, “Okay; what's the big objective here?”  And this is one of the things you deal with in the book that you've just written called The Art of Parenting. You've got a chapter in here—a section of the book—that's all about what parents need in order to be good parents; and at the center of that, they need the right perspective; don't they? Dennis: They do. This first point we'd like to make for parents is absolutely essential. It's like gravity—it is—it must be in place in your life, in your marriage, in your family to be successful, as a parent.  You see what I'm holding. Bob: I do. Dennis: It's a Bible.  Bob: Yes. 4:00 Dennis: We say, “A dusty Bible will lead to a dirty life.” It will also lead to children who are aimless, spiritually, and who don't know who they are and why they were created. Barbara: So the most important thing we believe for every parent is that you must be individually, and then as a couple, dependent on God. Assuming that you know Him—which we're assuming that at this moment—if you know Him, then the most important thing for you to do is to grow in your relationship with Him so that you can, therefore, guide your child according to the principles that God has put forth in His Scripture. Bob: When you talk about parents being in God's Word and following God, you're talking about being in there with more purpose and more intentionality than just taking a Bible verse vitamin every morning; right? Barbara: Yes; and I mean more than just going to church on Sunday morning. I think we—and especially when we're young, because Dennis and I were this way too—I think we were trying to learn how to walk with God.  5:00 We didn't really know what that meant; so it was real easy to feel like—if we went to church, and we were in a Bible study, or we read our Bible occasionally—that was accomplishing that. There's nothing wrong with any of those things—you have to start there.  But I think what we're saying in the book, and what we're saying to you, who are listening, is that: “What you really need is—you really need a heart that is surrendered to Christ and is totally dependent on Him.” Because, as we learned in raising our kids, it wasn't just enough to take our kids to Sunday school. It wasn't just enough to have them memorize a verse here and there. What they really needed is—they really needed to see a mom and dad, who are completely dependent on Christ, as individuals—not just talking about it—because, if you just talk about it, your kids are going to rebel. But if they see a mom and dad—who are in love with Jesus, who know Him, and who are trying to please him with their lives—then that's going to be much more attractive to them. Your whole family is just going to work together better because you're following Christ—not just your mixed-up ideas.  6:00 Bob: Barbara, I've never talked to a young mom without hearing something like this: “Before I had kids, there was margin and space in my life for a quiet time, or to go to the women's Bible study, or to really get deep. I loved it. I really enjoyed it. After I had kids, margin is gone. Barbara: —“gone.” Bob: “It's vanished. Getting five minutes in the Bible seems like an impossibility unless I just lock myself in the bathroom for five minutes.” Barbara: Well, and that doesn't always work because my kids always found me. [Laughter] Dennis: She tried to hide in there! Barbara: Oh, I did, and it didn't work. I remember that so well, and I felt exactly the same way. I think now, as I look back, one of my regrets is that I didn't fight harder for margin. I think I could have created some margin if I had worked with Dennis on that and if we had made more of a pact and more of a goal for that to happen.  It's real easy for moms to become martyrs and to become indispensable, because it feeds who we are.  7:00 I loved it that my kids needed me. I liked it that they actually wanted me over their dad sometimes—it made me feel important—I liked that. And yet, that was, in some ways, I think a trap to keep me from doing what I needed to do, which was to spend time with the Lord. There were times when I didn't do Bible study, and I didn't have a quiet time. I gave up on it; because it was so hard, and I'd rather not try than try and feel like a failure. I know that that's normal for moms.  But I'm saying, on this side of the equation—I'm saying on this side of the line, having finished raising my kids—if I had it to do all over again, I would work harder to make sure I had that margin and to protect that in some way in conjunction with my husband—for us to work together to find a way for me to be communing with Christ on a better level. Dennis: And I have a confession to make.  8:00 I don't have tons of regrets that I wished I'd done; but on this one, I did not understand the burden children place on a mother. I grossly underestimated that drain. I wish I'd understood what Barbara just said, because I wouldn't have been waiting for her to come to me and ask for margin. I would have been looking out for her—saying to her, “What do we need to do for you to nourish your soul and look out for your own heart?” Bob, I don't think I did that enough—I really don't.  Barbara: I think the reason you didn't is the reason most young men didn't—and probably, Bob, you would say the same thing—it is really, really hard for a young man to understand the load and what it means to be a mom. I'm watching it with our daughters and our sons—and their wives. It takes years for a man to fully grasp what it costs her to give birth, and to raise these kids, and to give her life for the kids. 9:00 Bob: The physical and emotional toll— Barbara: That's correct. Bob: —that a woman pays.  If a mom and dad, in the season of parenting, just say: “Look; we're overwhelmed. Something's got to give. We'll get back to the Bible eventually; but for this season, we just don't have the margin to do this. We'll keep going to church, and we'll still do some things—we're listening to Christian radio,”—I mean, right now, they're listening to Christian radio; so that's got to be worth something. You would say, “If you neglect the Bible…” what's going to happen to your parenting? Dennis: Well, I want to go back to a message that I heard 50 years ago—it just dawned on me: I heard this when I was a junior in college—his name was Dr. Chet Wood. He was a professor at John Brown University in Siloam Springs, Arkansas. He came to a Cru® meeting, where a bunch of us—Barbara was probably there— 10:00 —and he held up a batch of grapes—plump juicy grapes that were all held together in a cluster.  Then, he held up a vine that was withered—there were no grapes on it—all that was left was just little spindly stems; okay? He held it up and he goes: “This is a picture of the Christian life. Jesus said, in John 15, ‘If you abide in Me and My words abide in you,'”—here's what he said—“‘you're going to bear fruit.' Why? Because the word, abide, means to draw your life's source from. Jesus stands up in John 15, the first 11 verses, and He says: ‘Abide in Me and I in you. As a branch cannot bear fruit of itself, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.'”  11:00 Our life's decisions, our values—the things that are important to us—are drawn from this Book; and it teaches us how to do life God's way. Bob: Yes; I'm thinking, “If you want God to be a part of your parenting, then He's got to be brought into your thinking, on a regular basis.” Dennis: Well, Bob, in the movie you created, Like Arrows, there's a time in that movie where the dad confesses to the kids—do you remember it? Barbara: Yes. Bob: Oh yes; it's a pivotal point in the movie, where the dad says, “We've learned that the Bible is more significant than we realized—that we need to be in this book every day, as a family.” He calls his family back together around it. Dennis: And “This needs to be our center.” He said— Bob: Right. Dennis: “It hasn't been. It's been a part of—over to the side.”  That's why I think we start with this one—that you need to have a Bible that isn't dirty—but a Bible that's marked up and that has some edges to the pages, where you can tell it's been read more than once. It is your manual to know how to raise children in this generation. 12:00 Bob: Okay; so we're sitting with new parents—we're saying: “Here's what you're going to need. Number one, don't let this slip away as you have your kids—get the margin—fight for it; stay connected; abide in the vine—be in God's Word.” We got that. What else do parents need? Dennis: Well and one other thing, the Bible will show you what a straight line looks like; because you're going to run into a lot of lines, as you raise kids—other parents with other values. The only way you know if a line is crooked is if you know what a straight line looks like. The Bible lays out truth: the Ten Commandments, the Golden Rule, all the teachings of Christ—the New Testament. It teaches you, as a parent, how to live a wise life.  We'll talk more about that, in this series, later on; but parents today need to know what a truly fruitful, successful, effective family looks like.  13:00 Bob: Alright; so if you're in God's Word, that's going to give you perspective on—like you're saying—all the issues that you're going to face, as moms and dads. This is where parents need, not just time in the Word, but they need wisdom that comes from being in God's Word to face the challenges they're going to face every day. Dennis: That's the second thing parents need. They need to understand the times. When I say that, I'm saying you need to look beyond what's just happening to see the symptoms—to see the worldview of how people are making decisions in their families and in their lives—and not get distracted. But you need to have an understanding of the times; and you need that wisdom that you were talking about, Bob—wisdom to know how to act and how to lead your family forward. Bob: There's a verse in the Old Testament, Barbara, that talks about the men of Issachar; right? Barbara: Issachar; yes. Bob: They were men who understood the times. Barbara: Yes; and they were really important to David, because he had his soldiers—he had his battle lines all drawn up and all the men— 14:00 —but he needed these men; because they were wise, and they were looking ahead, and they were thinking ahead.  As parents, we're so often reactive; and we're so often mired in today and the issues of today—whether it's potty training, or lying, or first day of school, or whatever it is—we get really bogged down in the today. It's hard to make ourselves think ahead.  What we're talking about in this one—in the second one: “Be wise,”—and you get your wisdom from the Bible—it's thinking ahead and looking ahead—watching: “What are the issues that parents are dealing with?” who have kids that are maybe five years ahead of you; so you know what's coming, and not as caught off guard, and not always playing defensive. Bob: I read an article online—this was a while back—but a story about parents, who had decided that they're going to raise—not babies—but “theybies.” Have you heard about “theybies”? Barbara: No; I haven't heard about “theybies.” Bob: “Theybies”—where they're not going to disclose to the child, or to anybody else, what the child's gender is as they raise that child.  15:00 They refer to the child with plural pronouns: “they”/”them” rather than “him” or “her.” The children know what their anatomy is; but they don't make a gender differentiation and say, “Well, you're a boy,” or “You're a girl.”  Now, I'm thinking about parents, understanding the times and knowing how to respond. If you're in God's Word, it's going to help you understand, “Okay; that's a novel idea, but that runs against what the Bible tells us about God's good gift of gender.” Dennis: Our book, The Art of Parenting, really wants to help a parent anticipate these issues we're talking about here and many, many more. It comes as also a part of a package, Bob—the Art of Parenting™ video series, which has a—it's a planning document that is in the shape of an arrow. That arrow is headed toward a target, and that's your child.  16:00 Your child is like an arrow in the hand of a warrior.  I think one of the best things it does is—it has two diagrams that show wind. Wind can blow an arrow off target. One of those depictions—it challenges a parent to think of the top one or two things, in the next six to twelve months, that a parent is going to face with this child: “What are the issues your child is going to face?”—or maybe they're facing it right now; you just need to address it. Then there's the depiction of wind for 18-24 months—a couple of years out. You're making choices about values. Bob: This is where understanding the times—it makes sense for parents. You've got to know: “What are our values and where are our boundaries going to be?” So let me ask this: “What can a mom or a dad do to understand the times?” 17:00 Because just being involved in the household issues that you're facing with your kids—that's one thing—but to know what the culture is throwing at them, right and left, you have to stay vigilant. I mean, it's like you have to stay on Facebook® and Twitter® 24/7 just to see what might be coming their way. Barbara: Well, I don't think it takes that much time. [Laughter] Bob: That might be an exaggeration. Barbara: I think that's a bit of an exaggeration. But I think you could—at your church, you could volunteer with the kids' group that is older than where your kids are. If your oldest is in second grade, help teach the sixth-grade class. Or if your oldest is in sixth grade, walk into the high school youth group; or sign up to be a chaperone for the youth retreat, just for a weekend. Begin to hang around some of these kids that are older than your kids. See what they talk about; see what they wear; see what they're thinking—how they act / how they use their devices—what are their parents letting them do and not letting them do? If you've got friends—that's even better—who have kids that are ahead of your kids too. Talk to them and say, “What are the issues?”  18:00 But the important thing is just find ways to engage with parents or students—children who are older than yours—to know what they're actually dealing with. Bob: I remember some parents I talked to—this was years ago—who said their daughter had gone on the youth retreat with the church. When she came back, they were debriefing about it and said, “So what happened?” They said: “Well, it was really cool. It was a cool night; and so we all took our sleeping bags out, and we all slept under the stars out on the lawn.” [Laughter] Dennis: Oh yes; sure. Barbara: Yes. Bob: And they said, “We all went out there.” “Who's ‘We all?'” Dennis: Was that one—that was one of the retreats our kids went on?  Barbara: That's sounding real familiar. [Laughter] Dennis: That is sounding very familiar. Bob: I was trying to protect the names of the guilty here, but—[Laughter] Dennis: Okay; okay. Bob: —it was a situation where the parents, and probably the youth leaders, got blindsided. But here were boys and girls, out spending the night together under the stars, on the youth retreat. 19:00 Dennis: We went on a bus with a bunch of junior high kids on a youth retreat one time. I couldn't believe that they showed a movie that was rated “R”— Barbara: —on the bus. Dennis: —on the bus on the way to a conference, where you're talking about getting to know God and living life as God intended it.  I tell you—one of the smartest things we did—we did some pretty clumsy things, but one of the best things we did was teaching a sixth-grade Sunday school class—not once/not twice—but we taught it for 11 years. Those kids only thought that Mr. and Mrs. Rainey were teaching them. Those kids took us to school.  Here's the lesson for moms and dads, everywhere, who are listening to us: “Your sixth grader, your tenth grader, your senior in high school—all of them know a whole lot more than you ever imagined—a whole lot more than you knew at that same age. Anticipate that and ask them some tough questions:  20:00 “What have you been looking at?” “What are friends looking at?” “What are you battling with?” “What's tripping you up?”  Bob, these are days when parents can't afford to allow their kids to push them out. Parents have to find a way in—a gentle way—that builds a relationship and delivers the truth of God's Word—and compassion for when your child fails. Bob: There's a great Old Testament metaphor where the guards of the city are referred as the watchmen on the walls. Their job is to keep the city safe, and keep the walls guarded, and to look for the enemies who might be encroaching. That's really what you're calling moms and dads to be and to do to: “Stand guard and keep a wall of protection around their children—physically, emotionally, spiritually—as you raise them,”—not that they're never going to face hardship—you want them to face hardship.  21:00 But moms and dads are here to make sure we're keeping our kids protected.  This is something you address clearly in your new book, The Art of Parenting, which of course, we've got in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center. It's the companion to the eight-part small group series—the video series on the Art of Parenting—which is also available. Get more information about both of these resources when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. Get copies of the book; get copies of the small group series—get together with some other parents and go through this content and interact together, as parents, around these subjects. Again, it's The Art of Parenting by Dennis and Barbara Rainey—the book and the small group series. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on how to order. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY—1-800-358-6329—that's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.” 22:00 By the way, some of you have been asking about the Like Arrows movie, which is a part of the Art of Parenting video series. This fall, we've been making that available for churches to show for ministry use. We hope to have it available for you to order your own copy very soon, so stay tuned for that.  You know, every time we have conversations like this, I know there are parents, who say to us, “That was helpful, because it reminded me of things I know but I forget.” I mean, all of us do, as parents—in the midst of the dailyness of all we're going through, we can start to slip from our priorities. Here, at FamilyLife®, the goal of this program is to provide you with a regular, daily reminder that keeps you focused on what really matters in your marriage and in your family. Our goal is to effectively develop godly marriages and families. We believe godly marriages and families can change the world.  23:00 For those of you who make this program possible for everyone else—in your community, in your city, and for people all around the world—thank you for your commitment to these same principles. Thank you for partnering with us to provide practical biblical help and hope for marriages and for families. We couldn't do it without you.  If you're a regular listener and you've never made a donation, or if you're a long-time listener and you're ready to step up and become one of our monthly Legacy Partners, why don't you get in touch with us today? Go online and make a donation at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. When you do get in touch with us, we want to send you our 2019 FamilyLife calendar which is all about building togetherness as a family. It includes specific ideas for things your family can do together during the year and Scripture verses you can memorize throughout the year. It's our thank-you gift to you when you support the ministry of FamilyLife with a donation—again, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or by phone at 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.”  24:00 Tomorrow, we're going to continue to talk about the kinds of parents we need to be as we raise the next generation. What are the core qualities that we need to make sure are a part of our lives? Dennis and Barbara Rainey will be back with us again tomorrow. I hope you will be back as well. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?   Copyright © 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com  

Lessons From a Father That Was Always There (Part 1) - Crawford LorittsLessons From a Father That Was Always There (Part 2) - Crawford LorittsFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. The Most Important Things Guest:                         Crawford Loritts                    From the series:       Lessons from a Father Who Was Always There (Day 2 of 2)  Bob: What's the right balance, as a parent, between protecting your children and letting them experience enough of life that they wind up with a few scars? Here's Dr. Crawford Loritts. Crawford: I understand the need to protect them from the evils, and the sin, and the hellishness that's in our culture; but I have to tell you—protection is not development. I'm terribly concerned about this movement among some of us that wants to hover over our kids—and pull them back and sanitize and sterilize their environments—in such a way that they don't interact with the evil world/a dark world, in which they were born to redeem, and impact, and be salt and light in! Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, March 13th. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Where does protection fit into our priorities, as parents; and how much freedom should we give our children? We'll hear from Crawford Loritts on that today. Stay with us. 1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. When I was in high school, our choir sang a song that was based on the final instructions that King David gave to his son as David was dying and as Solomon was taking over. I don't know if choirs are allowed to sing songs that biblical in our day, but our high school choir sang this when I was growing up. It's stuck with me all these years—David's counsel to his son—from a father, who's dying. He had wise words to share with his son.  In fact, we're going to hear today from Crawford Loritts about how important and how powerful it is for a father to instruct, and coach, and model for his son what really matters. Dennis: Crawford is the pastor at Fellowship Bible Church in Roswell, Georgia.  2:00 He is the father of four children / he's the husband of Karen, and they have ten grandchildren. As you listen to Crawford share this story from the Scriptures, I want you to think about what you're charging your kids with today. Are you challenging them with a high enough standard? Are you challenging them with the right goal? Are you challenging them with an eternal goal? I think, Bob, we need to be putting before our children a biblical standard for how they should live throughout their lives; and I think we ought to allow a story like this, from 1 Kings, Chapter 2, to be like the song that you said you remembered all the way back to your childhood—just that it might stick in our hearts and we carry the burden of realizing we need to shape and direct the next generation. Bob: I think we'll get some good coaching from Crawford, as moms and dads, to know: “What are the important things we should be focusing on as we pass on a legacy to our sons and our daughters?”   3:00 Here's Part Two of a message from Dr. Crawford Loritts on “Lessons on Integrity from a Father Who Lived It.” [Recorded Message] Crawford: In 1 Kings, Chapter 2, verses 1-4, David is dying / David is leaving—the legendary David. As he's dying, he calls his son, Solomon, in to make a grand handoff. David was consciously aware of the fact that legacies are not guaranteed—they are not guaranteed. And yet, Solomon was being tapped as next in line. David was about to go be in the very presence of God. It's almost as if, as you read the text, the emotional context is really compelling. It's as if David is reaching out and grabbing his son, Solomon, by the lapels and pulling him close. [Emotion in voice]  4:00 In these four verses, it's almost as if David is saying: “Son, this is what I've lived for. These are the footprints in the sand, and I need you to embrace what you were born for.” And parenthetically, as we raise our children—from the time they're little somethings / from the time they're tiny—we need to be whispering in their ears that they were born for the glory of God and for the plan and the purposes of God: “This is what you were born for, and everything in your life has to be lined up for your moment in history—that you're just passing through here. You're going to be very dead one day. One day, God's going to say, ‘Give Me back My breath.'  5:00 “What were you born for? What are you living for? What are you doing?”  It's amazing, when people are dying, how essence they are—all the other garbage, and all the other frills, and all the other stuff—it doesn't make any difference anymore. David is dying. As he dies, he charges Solomon with these three things—he charges Solomon to live courageously; he charges Solomon to live obediently; and he charges Solomon to live faithfully. I'll say a few words, and then I'll be done. First of all, he charges Solomon: “I want you to live, Solomon. I want you to live. I want you to live courageously.” Verse 1 says, “When David's time to die drew near, he commanded Solomon his son, saying, ‘I am about to go the way of all the earth.'”  6:00 Now, notice this line: “‘Be strong; show yourself a man,'”—“My time is up; it's coming to a close. The ball is being placed in your hands. Solomon, I am challenging you to press through the challenges and the opportunities of your responsibilities. I need you, Solomon, to step up.” In fact, in the Hebrew, the expression, “show yourself a man,” literally is, “become a man.” I think what David was saying to Solomon was: “Solomon, Solomon, Solomon—I need you to rise up to what you were born for.” Solomon was to become what being the king of Israel required—required.  I could get off into this, but I don't have time to do this. I actually think we coddle this generation a little bit too much— 7:00  —I actually think we soften them a little bit too much. We don't give them what they need. I believe the text doesn't say that perhaps David sensed some weakness in Solomon. Solomon was not like his daddy. David ran for 16 years, hiding out in caves from Saul. David was a tough dude, and David experienced some hard stuff—he didn't silver spoon it. Solomon grew up with a little bit more cotton around him, and a little more cushion around him, and a little more options, and a little more resources—he had stuff to choose from. David probably sensed in him: “Solomon, I—I don't know that you have the grit and the resilience that you need to do what needs to be done. You have to show yourself a man. Show yourself a man,”— 8:00 —conviction versus compliance.  I am concerned about how we are raising some of our kids. I understand the need to protect them from the evils, and the sin, and the hellishness that's in our culture—don't get me wrong—the margins are almost erased right now. I get that / I get that. We pray for our 11 grandkids and what they're going through; I mean, there are just too many opportunities for evil. But I have to tell you—protection is not development. I'm terribly concerned about this movement among some of us that wants to hover over our kids—and pull them back and sanitize and sterilize their environments in such a way—that they don't interact with the evil world/a dark world, in which they were born to redeem, and impact, and be salt and light in! David says: “Solomon; hey buddy, you have to step into some stuff. Live courageously—don't run from the challenges; but run to God to get what you need to face the challenges, Solomon.”  9:00 Secondly, he says, “Solomon, live obediently.” Tender words, here, in verse 3, “And keep the charge of the Lord your God, walking in His ways and keeping His statutes, His commandments, His rules, and His testimonies, as it is written in the Law of Moses.” When you do exposition, you always have to pay attention to the emotional context. I think this is biographical—I think David was saying to Solomon, in so many words: “Solomon”—it was not just about the Davidic covenant / not just about the promises of David—I think he had that in mind, because the text says so; but I think there's something else going on here. I think David wanted his son to love God's Word the way he did! He wanted him to cherish it the way he did: “Solomon, you need to bring your life in line with the truth of God's Word.  10:00 “You need to live it—not just speak it, not just quote it, not just argue your paradigms and all that stuff about it—but you need to live this stuff. You need to live it. You need to live it. You need to live it. You need to live it.” This is what David was saying to Solomon: “Solomon, listen to me, buddy; you can't do it, man. You can't do it. I need you to cherish this book. If you're going to be successful / if you're going to make it, you're going to have to walk with God; you're going to have to love this book; you're going to have to listen to this book.” David was telling Solomon: “Hey, buddy; don't get cute. Don't get cute. Don't think that because I'm your daddy, you're on the throne, and you've inherited this throne at a very important time—and I'll become a living legend, and this stuff is being passed off to you— 11:00 “—don't think that this is sustainable—that somehow or another, vicariously, my background you can broker and that will make you a good person. You need to walk with this, son—you need to love it.” We need to raise our kids to say: “You don't have to do me proud,” “You don't have to be anything that you think I want you to be,”—take that off the table—“But you do have to obey God.” But then he says, thirdly, “You have to live faithfully.” I suppose, technically, faithfulness is a subset of obedience—that's probably accurate—but I want to parse it out a bit here; because he says, here in verse 4, “…that the Lord may establish His Word that He spoke concerning me, saying, ‘If your sons pay close attention to their way, to walk before Me in faithfulness with all their hearts…'”— 12:00 —what is he saying? David is saying: “Hey look. You know the mess in my life; okay?” David ended well, but he had some major “oops.” I believe he's saying: “You know the mess between me and your mama; okay—it's well-documented. [Laughter] It wasn't cool—you know about Nathan; you know about my brokenness; you know about my repentance. By the grace of God, I've gotten back on the right track, boy; and you have got to be faithful!”  13:00 In other words, “You have to remember where you came from and what's been placed in your hands.” You see, faithfulness means to obey God in the little things. It is a daily commitment to do the right, honorable things, and often the difficult things—often the difficult things. You see, to me, greatness is not notoriety / greatness is not recognition.  You know, I was being interviewed several years ago. Somebody said something / they heard something—and they used the words, “Boy, you're approaching greatness…” or something like that—first of all, they need to get out more; [Laughter] but when they said that, I said: “No, no, no, no; no. Greatness is buried, side by side, in Old Dominion Cemetery in Roanoke, Virginia—Crawford and Sylvia Loritts—because they were faithful/faithful.” 14:00 And David was telling his boy: “Every single day—in the small things / the big things; the things that people don't see, behind closed doors—get after it, Solomon. Get after it.” One of the greatest things you can do—rather than trying to raise your kids to be a great speaker, or a great athlete, or this kind of thing / this kind of thing—teach them how to just be consistent in following through on the noble, right things: “You hurt my heart, son. Why?—because: “Loritts, we don't steal,” / “You show up, boy. I heard you were late for that little job you had. Show up.” 15:00 Some time ago, my oldest son, Bryan, and I—we were speaking at—this was a few years ago—we were speaking at the Billy Graham Center at the Cove in Asheville, North Carolina. While we were there, I said to Bryan: “We have a break in the afternoon.” I said: “You know, do you want to go back down to Conover, North Carolina? It's less than an hour away. That's the old homestead—that's where Peter held forth, and my grandfather, Milton, and where my dad was born.” Bryan was excited, because he hadn't been there since he was a little guy. We went on down I-40 there, and got off at the Newton Conover exit, and snaked over the railroad tracks—I hadn't been there in years—back to Second Street. I was surprised I could find my way over there. As soon as you cross on Second Street, on the right-hand side is a little tiny church called Thomas Chapel AME Zion Church.  16:00 Interestingly enough, my grandfather had given the land for that little church to be built on. Behind the church, there's a cemetery. The cemetery, interestingly enough, was there before the church was there—there's a cemetery. About a half to almost two-thirds of the bodies in that cemetery are related to Lorittses.  As Bryan and I were walking around the cemetery, I was reminding him who some of these people were—you know: “That's Pop's brother, your Great-uncle Ordell,” and “That's Uncle Hayes, right there,” “Here's Uncle Emery,” and “There's Aunt Annie, right there,” “There's your Great-grandfather—my grandfather, Milton / Pop's dad,” and “There's his wife, Anna, right here.”  17:00 As I began to just tell him about these people, I was ambushed by emotion. I began to weep; and I said to Bryan—I said: “Son, these people paid your tuition. They paid your tuition.” I guess the charge I want to make to you today—as you look at your children, and you look at the future and look at a time that you cannot see, and you're making the investments in their lives—you're doing the drudgery, day in and day out—and you're correcting them, and disciplining them, and you're laughing with them, and you're going through the struggles / “Are they ever going to get out of my house?”—or all this stuff that's going on—keep in mind: “You're paying their tuition. What are you investing in them? 18:00 “Will they be able to live courageously? Will they live obediently, and will they live faithfully?” Holy Father, thank You for Your Spirit; thank You for Your power; thank You for Your grace. Thank You for what You mean to us.  Lord, the most intimidating thing we do, as a parent—You've entrusted with us those precious lives that bear the image of our great God. There's a devil out there; there are all kinds of mess. They have their own temptations and issues; but Spirit of the living God, we pray that You'll help us to roll up our sleeves so that we can look each one in the eye, when that moment comes, and say, “By the grace of God, I did the best I could.”  We love You, Lord Jesus.  19:00 Thank You for what You will do. In Jesus' name, Amen. [Studio] Bob: Again, today, we've been listening to the second part of a message from our friend, Crawford Loritts, the pastor at Fellowship Bible Church in Roswell, Georgia—a message that Crawford shared at the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission, their conference on parenting that was held, back last fall. It's a timely message; and one that we felt is important for our listeners as we try to live intentionally, as moms and dads, raising the next generation. Dennis: And Bob, as you know, Barbara and I have been working on a book called The Art of Parenting. It's going to be a part of, really, the largest resource launch in FamilyLife®'s 41-year history—that'll occur in May and, also, next summer—where we're going to be setting our sights on equipping one million parents to raise their children to fulfill God's design and blueprints for their lives. 20:00 I just want our listeners to get ready to maybe be a recipient of some of that training or to be a messenger. That's a part of what Crawford was talking about here—you've raised your children, intentionally; but you're also thinking about the next generation: “How can you send a living message to a time that you will not see?” Crawford spoke powerfully about that in his message, Bob, where he's really challenging us to outlive ourselves—live through our children / live through the generation to come—to make an impact upon their culture and the people they influence. Bob: If you missed any part of the message, you can go back and listen, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. Let me also mention—there's information available there about a new resource that FamilyLife has been working on for more than a year now. It's an eight-session video series called FamilyLife's Art of Parenting™. It's going to be available for small groups; it's also going to be available, online, for moms and dads to go through—just the two of you working through it, if you'd like. 21:00 Crawford's son, Bryan, and his daughter-in-law, Korie, are one of the contributors to FamilyLife's Art of Parenting—so is Alistair Begg, and Kevin DeYoung, and Dr. Meg Meeker—there's a great list of folks who join you and Barbara on this video series. Again, you can get more information / you can watch a preview of The Art of Parenting when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and find out more about how you can order the material or how you can access it as soon as it's available in early May. We're kicking all of this off with a movie that we've created called Like Arrows. It's a movie that stars Alan Powell and Micah Lynn Hanson. Alex Kendrick has a role, as well; and Alex and Stephen helped us with the production of this film. It's in theaters two nights only, and we're hoping that our FamilyLife Today family—many of you—will make plans to join us on a Tuesday night/Thursday night. Bring your friends / pack the theaters, and come out to see Like Arrows.  22:00 Tickets are on sale now. You can find out more / you can see a trailer for the movie when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. If you have any questions, give us a call at 1-800-358-6329.  Finally, let me mention that we have copies of the book that Crawford Loritts has written, called Never Walk Away: Lessons on Integrity from a Father Who Lived It. It's available in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center. You can order Crawford's book, where he reflects on things he learned from his own father. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. You know, I mentioned this new parenting emphasis for FamilyLife. Our goal is to begin a movement of intentional parenting, not just in the church, but we want to take this content and deliver it to people, who aren't listening to FamilyLife Today / folks who may not be going to church currently.  23:00 We're developing strategies to help us put this content in the hands of people, who are right now far from God and far from the church, but people who are open to hearing what the Bible has to say about parenting. In the process, they'll get a chance to hear the gospel; and who knows how God might use this series in their lives? If you'd like to help us reach more people with this content—we're calculating it's going to take about $10 per home to be able to get this material in the hands of folks, who are far from God and far from the church. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com, and you can make a donation to help support our efforts; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Of course, every donation you give helps advance the mission of FamilyLife. You help us reach more people more regularly with God's design for marriage and family—that's what we're all about here. So, again, you can give, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. When you do, we'll say, “Thank you,” by sending you a set of seven prayer cards designed for moms and dads or for grandparents to be praying more intentionally for your children or your grandchildren.  24:00 The prayer cards are our gift to you when you help support the work. We appreciate your partnership with us in the work we're doing, here, at FamilyLife Today. And we hope you'll join us back tomorrow, when we're going to hear from another man about the impact his father had on his life. Rick Rigsby joins us tomorrow. I hope you can be back with us as well. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?   Copyright © 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com  

Lessons From a Father That Was Always There (Part 1) - Crawford LorittsLessons From a Father That Was Always There (Part 2) - Crawford LorittsFamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete. Modeling Integrity Guest:                         Crawford Loritts                    From the series:       Lessons from a Father Who Was Always There (Day 1 of 2)  Bob: Dr. Crawford Loritts is profoundly aware of how his life was marked and shaped by a father who was there.  Crawford: My dad used to say to me as I was growing up—and particularly as I was facing difficult times and, maybe, I didn't want to follow through on something; and I said I was going to do something—boy, he would pull me aside and say: “Son, all you have at the end of the day is what you say. That's all you have. That's all you have, and you better be good by what comes out of your mouth—integrity. If you say you are this, then it needs to be reflected in how you act.”  Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, March 12th. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. A lot of what Crawford Loritts understood about parenting came from watching a father who did the job well. We'll hear more from him today. Stay with us.  1:00 And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. You know, we've often said that behind every great man, there's a great woman or that we stand on the shoulders of others. I don't know how often it's been reflected on that behind great men and women are often faithful moms and dads, who did their job well and created a foundation for their sons and daughters to grow up in where those sons and daughters thrived.  Dennis: You know, as you talk about that, I can't help but think about our guest on the program today, who gave a message at the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission's Parenting Conference, back last August. I sat in the audience as I listened to my friend, Crawford Loritts, speak about his heritage that Crawford was given by his great grandfather, Peter, whom he described as a praying, singing slave. 2:00 Bob: Yes.  Dennis: And he passed on a living faith that, now, resides in Crawford's life and in, also, Crawford's four children; and I think, soon, his ten grandchildren as well.  Bob: Yes; Crawford is a friend of ours. He and his wife Karen have spoken at Weekend to Remember® marriage getaways for years. Crawford is also the pastor at Fellowship Bible Church in Roswell, Georgia, suburban Atlanta. He's spoken around the world on a variety of issues, including marriage and family. His message, at the parenting conference you were attending, was a riveting message. In fact, we thought, “This is one our listeners need to hear.” So, today, we're going to hear Part One of Crawford Loritts talking about lessons he learned on integrity from a father who lived it.  3:00 [Recorded Message]  Crawford: About 20 years ago, I wrote a book entitled Never Walk Away: Lessons on Integrity from a Father Who Lived It; obviously, it was about my dad's incredible impact on my heart and life. In fact, next to Jesus Christ, my father has had the most important, strategic, wonderful influence on my life. Who I am today—so much of what I think, and how I feel, and how I act, and, particularly, my approach to my marriage and our family—has Pop's signature all over me.  You know, Dan Fogelberg wrote a song a number of years ago—a ballad. Part of the refrain of that song goes something like this: “The leader of the band is tired; his eyes are growing cold. His blood is in my instrument, and his song is my soul. My life is just a poor attempt to imitate the man.  4:00 “I'm just the living legacy to leader of the band.”  My father was a grandson of a slave. He was born in 1914—February 13, 1914. He was the youngest boy of 14 children. So, his grandfather Peter / my great grandfather was a slave. Peter, they say—my dad remembers him: “Peter lived to be an old man. Peter was a singing and praying man,” he said. Some of my father's most vivid memories were seeing his grandfather rock back and forth on the old homestead there in Catawba County, North Carolina, a place called Newton Conover, where he would just sing and pray.  Peter was an illiterate man—couldn't read / couldn't write—but he loved Jesus, and—get this—he passionately loved the Word of God. The story is told / the legend is—he would have his children and grandchildren read him familiar passages of Scripture over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over again.  5:00 The old boy had committed a lot of that to memory.  Here's what I want you to catch. Despite the fact that Peter was a slave—and let's not glorify slavery—families were intentionally broken up. When young boys reached about 14/15/16 years of age, they bought a high price—they were studded out, so to speak. It was not our most bright and shining moment—it created a whole lot of damnable things that we are still dealing with in our culture today.  But despite all of that, I don't know what happened to Peter. Peter developed a passion and a love for God and a love for his family. Because of his commitment to Jesus Christ and his commitment to his family, he forged generations of strong men, strong male leadership, and strong families.  6:00 I stand here just humbled—I don't take credit for any of this. I don't know why I was born and raised in a household, where my dad showed up, and where he loved the Lord, and he loved his family, and he left his signature over us. Why wasn't I born in a situation where he wasn't there? Why wasn't I born with huge deficits in my heart and life?  And what I want to say today, and underscore before us, is that we—one of my great concerns where evangelicalism is going today is that—somehow or another, in our desire to become intellectually palatable, and acceptable in the marketplace of life, and to broker influences in the corridors of power, and to not be looked at as dumb and stupid Christians—part of my concern is that we are wandering away from the spiritual core of who we really are and the power that's necessary and needed.  7:00 Don't ever underestimate the gospel, and don't ever underestimate the power of the Spirit of God, and don't ever underestimate the power of prayer to change your life and future generations—that is to be the centerpiece of parenting. It's not the quid pro quo, or the various strategies and coping mechanisms—although they might be important—and the tips that we get in the books that we read, and the blogs that we read, and podcasts, and that kind of thing—absolutely wonderful. At the end of the day, the thing that is going to shape your future—shape your family / help your child to make it home before dark, spiritually—is a few callouses on your knees, with an open Bible, and a walk before God. That must never be forsaken. That has got to be the centerpiece of what we're really, really all about.  Pop always showed up. He wasn't perfect, but he was a man of impeccable integrity—impeccable integrity.  8:00 My father—this is not Pollyanna-ish / I'm not revisiting history—but my dad never made a promise to me or my sisters that he did not keep. Now, he may have said, “Son, I will be at your ballgame,”—and he discovered he had to work and had to work something else out—but on balance, he never made a promise that he didn't keep. His word was his bond.  He was a little bit paranoid about showing up. In fact, I couldn't even quit a part-time job that I had as a teenager—I better have a good excuse for that—because he said, “If you told that man you're going to show up, you show up.” And we've kind of raised our kids the same way, especially our boys. When they were playing sports—my rule around the household: “If you play, you stay. You don't quit because it's hard. You don't quit because it's difficult. You don't quit because there is a little bit of opposition. You don't quit because you don't like this situation. You show up. You finish the endurance ride.”  The essence of parenting is to be a portrait of the desired destination.  9:00 The essence of parenting is not necessarily great insights and tools. The truth of the matter is that the power and the authority that we have to shape the next generation is lodged in what we model and what they see in front of us and not necessarily what we say.  In fact, that is what the Bible is all about—the Bible is into prophetic leadership; that is, if you are going to lead anything in the Scripture—and this is the reason why character is so terribly important—if you are going to lead anything in the Scripture, it's not about your ability to plan, and to have insights, and to line things up, and to recruit, and to develop the resources, and to think outside the box—and all of these things that we celebrate today—but if you are going to lead anything in the Bible—anything that has God's name over it / anything that stewards what God wants to do from one generation to the next—then you have to embrace the reality that you've got to be the portrait of the desired destination.  10:00 There's no other way!  Whatever I want my children to be, they have to see it in me. They have to see me aggressively moving toward that because they were born—they were born to be drawn toward what they see—what they see.  Now, my daddy—he didn't have a college degree / he was a salt-of-the-earth kind of person—but his understanding of the Word of God, and his understanding of what it took to be the leader in his household, and what he saw from his father Milton / my grandfather and his great grandfather Peter, he passed on. He realized, if he didn't want his children to lie, he better not be telling a bunch of lies. He understood, if he wanted his children to be people who would stand up and look people in the eye and tell the truth and follow through on their commitments, then he had better do the same. If he wanted kids that would love their wives and husbands— 11:00 —and put them first in their lives—then he better not dog out my mother and put her down or disrespect her. If he wanted us kids to go to church, then he needed to make sure that he was there, leading the way—integrity, integrity, integrity. Integrity is a state of being whole / undivided moral predictability—behavior and choices that reflect your core beliefs and convictions. That's what integrity is really all about.  My dad used to say to me, as I was growing up—and particularly as I was facing difficult times and, maybe, I didn't want to follow through on something; and I said I was going to do something—boy, he would pull me aside and say: “Son, all you have at the end of the day is what you say. That's all you have. That's all you have, and you better be good by what comes out of your mouth—integrity. If you say you are this, then it needs to be reflected in how you act.”  12:00 Parenting is all about preparing a generation for a time that you cannot see, and that's the driving force behind all of us. One of the great benefits of suffering and one of the great benefits of Jim Crow—interestingly enough, in the sovereignty of God, is they didn't have a lot of margin / they didn't have a lot of filler / they didn't have a lot of applause from the broader community. My great grandfather, my grandfather, my dad, and my uncles—who grew up during Jim Crow—they realized that all they had was one another, and all they had was home. They were passionate about things becoming better, and they had a vision for you doing more than what they were able to do.  Parenting takes a look at where things ought to be, and where that child could be, and leverages the moment in history to get them there— 13:00 —that's what parenting is all about. Your child is just passing through, and our job is to point them toward God and point them toward the door—that's what our responsibility is. Thank you, Jesus! [Laughter]  When my father was dying, back in 1995—he had congestive heart failure—and the last three years of his life [were] very difficult for me, because here's a man who worked hard his whole life. My father worked—he usually was working more than one job and took care of his family. His great joy was being able to provide for us. To see him go downhill was just—I mean, it was just gut-wrenching for me—strong, yet he could barely make it.  Well, the end was coming, and he was dying. I'll never forget this—it was a poignant moment. I was standing next to his bedside; and he just looked at me in a moment of lucidity and said, “Boy, I did the best I could.”  14:00 I said, “Pop, you did a great job!” He said, “Son, I want you to take care of your mom and your sisters.” What was he doing?—he was passing a torch / passing a baton—“The race is over.”  My whole life, I've always wanted to be like him—my whole life. I always wanted to think like him—my whole life. I'm in leadership now. I tell people all the time: “You know, my greatest lessons in leadership—sorry, I mean, I should have read your blog [Laughter]; and I didn't read your book—sorry! [Laughter] But my greatest lessons in leadership came from the grandson of a slave, who— 15:00 —“day in and day out, and day in and day out, every day of his life—showed up. When he would blow it and mess up, he'd make it right.”  I'll tell you this quick story before I slide into 1 Kings, Chapter 2, and talk about the handoff; and I'll be done. When I was 12 years old, you know, I was a typical 12-year-old guy. I had a number of brain cramps. [Laughter] On the way to school in the spring, we would walk past this factory that made these chains. I don't know why I did this; but I was with some friends of mine—we would—there were some open boxes, and we stole some chains. It was like chain necklaces and stuff. We stole them and thought we had gotten away with something.  This was the absolute worse day of my life, though, because of what happened. My father used to work nights, but he rotated one evening a week that he was off. He happened to be off that evening, in the providence and sovereignty of God. [Laughter]  16:00 The telephone rang at the house, and it was a policewoman named Mrs. Brown. Yes; I don't want to say some things; this is being recorded. Mrs. Brown—let's just say she was tough. [Laughter] There was this kid by the name of Stanley that looked just like me—believe it or not. I know it's impossible—we could pass for twins. Well, when Mrs. Brown called the house, my mother gave the phone to my dad; and my dad's listening. As she's talking to him, he's looking at me; and I'm saying, “This is not going to end well.” So, she told him—well, Stanley had told Mrs. Brown where to go, where she didn't need an overcoat; okay?—you got that picture? She thought that I told her that. Now, I have to confess, I felt like it on a number of occasions; but I didn't do that—didn't do it.  17:00 Pop hangs up the phone. He looks at me and said, “Boy, have you lost your mind?!” I was talking fast: “Pop, I didn't do that. I didn't disrespect— I didn't do that.”  Right after that—I kid you not—there was a knock on the front door. He opens the door, and there were policemen there. What had happened was that my friends, who had stolen the chains—and I was a part of that group—told on me—they had gotten caught. This was the worst night of my young life.  I won't bore you with all the details of the story, but I will tell you this—at the—we went down to the factory and got the liver scared out of us. Pop dropped a couple of those boys off—they didn't have dads in the home. When we walked into the house, I had not seen my dad cry, except for at funerals of his siblings. I'll never forget this—he looked at me, and a tear began to trickle down his cheeks.  18:00 He said, “Son, you hurt my heart.” Then, he did a few other things to make sure my behavior would line up with the expectations. [Laughter] So “Yes; you weren't hurt that bad.” [Laughter]  That crushed me—it broke me / it broke me. I forgot about the other exclamation mark, but the reason why it broke me is because I always wanted to be like my father; and he would not have done that! He said: “Son, if you want something, you ask me. You don't ever have to steal anything. You hurt my heart.”  [Studio]  Bob: Well, we're going to break in here. We've been listening to the first part of a message from our friend, Crawford Loritts, talking about the important role that his father played in marking his own life.  19:00 I don't know that we, as parents, understand how our example, our model, our words, our actions—they are indelibly imprinting things on the hearts and minds of our children—things that will live with them for decades.  Dennis: And turn them from doing what's wrong— Bob: Yes.  Dennis: —to do what's right. I know we've been talking about the power of a dad, who has integrity; but moms are powerful too, as well, Bob. I just want to encourage moms and dads today to assume your office—the great privilege of being a dad and a mom—to assume it with integrity and to make sure that your words / as much as possible that your words match up with your life. In other words, you do what you say you're going to do—you fulfil your promises.  20:00 I look back on my dad, and my dad didn't need a bunch of lawyers to be tied up to make sure he fulfilled his promises. All you needed from my dad was a handshake, and it was good. If he gave his word, he was going to do it. Bob, I don't know who I would be today if I had not observed a man, who came from a broken home—my dad's father abandoned his eight children back in a time when it wasn't culturally acceptable in anyway whatsoever—yet, my dad was not a victim. My dad earned his living and grew up within three miles of the log cabin where he was born, and he died with a good name.  I can just say to you, as a listener: “One of the greatest gifts you will give your children is that of a good name—a father / a mother, who lived out what he or she believes in front of your children.  21:00 “There's a great need for that as never before.”  Bob: You know, we're about six or seven weeks, now, from releasing a resource that we have been working on for more than a year now that, actually, Crawford's son, Bryan, and his daughter-in-law, Korie, are a part of. It's a video series called FamilyLife's Art of Parenting™, eight sessions that you can go through in a small group; or there is going to be a digital experience of The Art of Parenting, something you can go through as a couple, online. All of this is designed to help moms and dads understand what the biblical priorities for parenting ought to be.  In fact, we're kicking all of this off with a movie that's going to be in theaters for two nights only—May 1st and May 3rd—a movie we've produced called Like Arrows—got help with this from our friends, Alex and Stephen Kendrick. Alex has a role in the film, and it's all designed to raise the issue of parenting.  22:00 We really want to begin a movement of intentional parenting in our culture, and that's what these resources are all about. You can find out more about what's coming when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the parenting link you see there. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.  Let me also mention—Dr. Crawford Loritts has written a book about his father—a book called Never Walk Away: Lessons on Integrity from a Father Who Lived It. It's a book that we have in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center. You can order the book from us, online, as well, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-358-6329—that's 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.”  You know, I mentioned this new emphasis on parenting—one of the things we are working on is a strategy to get this material into the hands and hearts of people who don't listen to FamilyLife Today— 23:00 —folks who may not be actively involved in a local church—but people who would be open to understanding what the Bible teaches about how we raise the next generation. We believe there are a lot of folks like that. We are developing strategies, right now, that will help us get this material into their hands. We've calculated—it's going to take us $10 a home to be able to reach someone with this content and get them engaged with what they're hearing. Of course, they'll have the chance to hear the gospel as we do that.  We'd love to ask you to help support the work that we're doing to help us reach more people with God's design for marriage and family. It's easy enough to do. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. When you get in touch with us and make a donation, as a way of saying, “Thank you,” we want to send you seven prayer cards. These are designed so that you, as a parent or grandparent, can be praying more purposefully/more intentionally for your children or your grandchildren.  24:00 They tuck right into your Bible—they are our gift to you when you donate to help us reach more folks with practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families. We look forward to hearing from you, and thanks for your partnership with us.  And we hope you'll join us back tomorrow when we are, again, going to hear from Dr. Crawford Loritts about the priorities of parents. I hope you can tune in.  I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.  FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife® of Little Rock, Arkansas; A Cru® Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.  We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs?   Copyright © 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved. www.FamilyLife.com  

2019-04-20 RESONATE 183 SHOOTING STRAIGHT ABOUT PARENTING - Shoot Them Out Like Arrows(Part 1)

2019-04-27 RESONATE 184 SHOOTING STRAIGHT ABOUT PARENTING - Shoot Them Out Like Arrows(Part 2)

On Today's Show, Dan Van Zalen and I share my review of Like Arrows, a powerful film about the power of a godly multi-generational legacy! Listen and watch this film! Then share it with others

On Today's Show, Dan Van Zalen and I share my review of Like Arrows, a powerful film about the power of a godly multi-generational legacy! Listen and watch this film! Then share it with others

On Today's Show, Dan Van Zalen and I share my review of Like Arrows, a powerful film about the power of a godly multi-generational legacy! Listen and watch this film! Then share it with others

On Today's Show, Dan Van Zalen and I share my review of Like Arrows, a powerful film about the power of a godly multi-generational legacy! Listen and watch this film! Then share it with others

7/7/19 (PM)

Happy Father's Day! Welcome to our Sunday morning service as we celebrate Father's Day together. Pastor Nate Watson is preaching on Psalm 127, "Like Arrows in The Hands of Warriors." We are going to learn four things that Arrows must be, and how this applies to all of us fathers. We are glad you are here today. May God bless all of you, but especially you fathers! Be sure to download the sermon notes; click "Download PDF" and they will open in a new window where you may print or save them.

Happy Father's Day! Welcome to our Sunday morning service as we celebrate Father's Day together. Pastor Nate Watson is preaching on Psalm 127, "Like Arrows in The Hands of Warriors." We are going to learn four things that Arrows must be, and how this applies to all of us fathers. We are glad you are here today. May God bless all of you, but especially you fathers! Be sure to download the sermon notes; click "Download PDF" and they will open in a new window where you may print or save them.

Happy Father's Day! Welcome to our Sunday morning service as we celebrate Father's Day together. Pastor Nate Watson is preaching on Psalm 127, "Like Arrows in The Hands of Warriors." We are going to learn four things that Arrows must be, and how this applies to all of us fathers. We are glad you are here today. May God bless all of you, but especially you fathers! Be sure to download the sermon notes; click "Download PDF" and they will open in a new window where you may print or save them.

Morning Service 5/21/2019: Bitter Words Like Arrows http://media.urclearning.org/audio/MSJ_2019-05-12_Bitter_Words_Like_Arrows.mp3

How do we know that when our children grow up and leave home, that they will be loyal to God?  How do we know that when they face the giants of life and experience struggles, temptations, and suffering, that they will put their confidence in God? How do we know that they will not forget the works of God and that they will obey Him in spite of their circumstances? Psalm 78:7 says that the answer to these kinds of questions is the main goal of parenting. That when our kids leave home, “That they should put their confidence in God; And not forget the works of God; But keep His commandments.” Pastor Bill’s message on "Arrows in the Hand of Warrior" is a must listen for every parent.

Sound of Sanity engages with a ridiculous article from Christ and Pop Culture.

Series: Shooting Straight - Pastor Trent Griffith

What should the vision of the Church be for children?  Listen in as we share our Seeds of Faith Community Church vision for what it means to "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it" (Proverbs 22:6) and "Like arrows in the hands of a mighty warrior are children born in one’s youth" (Psalm 127:4). The hope for our future lies in God's hands and in the lives of our youth. So...what are we doing to "start them off...like arrows in the hands of a mighty warrior"?

"Like Arrows", the new movie produced by the Kendrick Brothers and Family Life Ministries, takes us into the difficult and rewarding world of parenting, with a strong biblical base to guide us. Join me as I get to know one of the movie's AMAZING stars, Micah Lynn Hanson, as she shares her experience playing the character of "Alice", and her journey as a scared new mom through 50 years of marriage and raising children. How does a young woman of faith share her passion and gift in a faithless Hollywood world? Hear from the multi-talented actress, singer and dancer on her journey from Idaho to Nashville, TN! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/les-norman/support

A chat with Dennis Rainey, co-producer of the movie Like Arrows and co-host of Family Life today.  Jeff Jerina and Dennis Rainey talk about the movie Like Arrows and how it encourages men and women to do parenting the way God commands us to in the Bible.   Dennis tells listeners on the Men Unplugged podcast about the inspiration behind the movie, as well as, important aspects about parenting, marriage and being a father.  Yes, parenting is tough at times and it requires men to be all in.   You’ll get powerful tips on how to raise your kids in a way that honors the Lord and impacts your kids by never giving up and loving your kids and wife selflessly.  A key component of raising your kids for a spiritual purpose and impact is to be intentional about passing on the Bible to them.    Go to   the MenUnplugged Facebook page and follow the instructions on the post, Giveaway Alert for a chance to win. Dennis Rainey is the co-host of the radio program Family Life Today, co-author of more than two dozen books including his new book, Stepping Up, a speaker at the Weekend to Remember Marriage getaways and co-producer of the movie Like Arrows, which is showing in select theaters for the last time, today May 3rd.  For Full Show Notes, visit the podcast page for this episode at MenUnplugged.net Dennis shares that if you want to make an impact on a kid you have to start with the mom and dad in their marriage.  Like Arrows is a story about a couple as they go from dating, to pregnancy, to marriage, the often times difficult but rewarding part of being a parent and then growing old together as empty nesters. It also encourages husbands and wives to lean on God and His Word, the Bible as they parent their children together.  For Men Unplugged listeners, Get a FREE month trial membership and 1 FREE audiobook just for trying out Audbile's audiobook service - All you have to do is click on this link and sign up for FREE to get your FREE audiobook:  http://www.audibletrial.com/MenUnplugged Visit MenUnlugged.net for a list of resources, including a FREE month’s membership to Covenant Eyes by using promo code MenUnplugged, the Strand Study Bible which you can only get at MenUnplugged.net, as well as, the personality type finder for men, their wives, kids and corporate teams. Subscribe to the show on iTunes, GooglePlay music or Stitcher Radio.   When you subscribe to the weekly Men Unpugged email list at MenUplugged.net you’ll get a FREE PDF copy of Jeff’s book, 10 Steps to Power and Purpose.

“Like Arrows,” released to theaters May 1 and 3, didn’t begin as a feature film. Family Life originally envisioned it as a series of dramatic episodes that would be resources for a series of small groups on parenting.  But as the production of the episodes developed, it occurred to them that God meant all along to make it a feature movie.  Bob Lepine tells how the progression took place and how the feature movie has become the springboard into a continuing parenting series. 

“The Relevance of Radio, the Story of Family Life, and How To Do An Effective Interview” Dave is joined by well-known radio hosts, Bob Lepine. Bob is the co-host alongside Dennis Rainey for Family Life Radio. He is also the church planter of Redeemer Community Church in Little Rock, Arkansas. In this packed episode, Bob tells of his journey towards his job at Family Life Radio and how their vision is to provide Marriage and Family application that is profoundly practical, personal, and derived directly from Scripture. Afterwards, the remainder of the episode is spent discussing what makes an excellent interviewer and how audience participation is not only key to being an effective interviewer, but is also key in developing worship services that cause the congregation to be participants rather than consumers. For more on Family Life and the upcoming parenting move, Like Arrows, visit Family Life's website: Click Here.

Bob Lepine calls in today to speak to Doug about the upcoming movie on parenting, Like Arrows.Read More →

“Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth.” –Psalm 127:4   Today’s guest is Bob Lepine. Bob is Senior Vice President of FamilyLife, as well as co-host of FamilyLife Today®, their nationally syndicated radio program. He is a veteran of Christian radio, working for local radio stations in Tulsa, Phoenix, Sacramento, and San Antonio before joining FamilyLife in 1992.   He is the author of The Christian Husband and the on-air voice for “Truth for Life” with Alistair Begg (@alistair_begg_truthforlife ). Bob also serves on the Board of Directors for National Religious Broadcasters (@nrbassociation ). He and his wife, Mary Ann, live in Little Rock, Arkansas. They have five children and a growing number of grandkids.     Bob’s work has taken him all over the world for many years, and he does more traveling now that his kids are grown. As a parent and grandparent, it has meant the world to him to be a part of FamilyLife teams and projects over the years that are helping to strengthen families across the globe.   In May 2018, FamilyLife is launching its first full-length feature movie, Like Arrows. It started as a parenting resource, and in today’s episode Bob shares what it was like taking it all the way to the big screen. The movie’s title, Like Arrows, is drawn from a passage in Scripture, Psalm 127:3-5.   Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! Parenting is a blessing, and it’s also a great responsibility. We are called to raise the children God has given us and launch them with aim into the world. Brent and I were blessed to be able to watch Like Arrows a few weeks ago and it affected both of us in several ways. What an incredible power we have as parents to shape the next generation!   The two-day release of Like Arrows is May 1 and 3 and you can head to http://familylifeministries.org/likearrows/ to view the trailer, find a theatre near you, and purchase tickets.   Do not miss this movie. It’s a powerful and relatable story that I know will inspire and help families with the parenting challenges they are facing at home.

"Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth." -Psalm 127:4   Today's guest is Bob Lepine. Bob is Senior Vice President of FamilyLife, as well as co-host of FamilyLife Today®, their nationally syndicated radio program. He is a veteran of Christian radio, working for local radio stations in Tulsa, Phoenix, Sacramento, and San Antonio before joining FamilyLife in 1992.   He is the author of The Christian Husband and the on-air voice for "Truth for Life" with Alistair Begg (@alistair_begg_truthforlife ). Bob also serves on the Board of Directors for National Religious Broadcasters (@nrbassociation ). He and his wife, Mary Ann, live in Little Rock, Arkansas. They have five children and a growing number of grandkids.     Bob's work has taken him all over the world for many years, and he does more traveling now that his kids are grown. As a parent and grandparent, it has meant the world to him to be a part of FamilyLife teams and projects over the years that are helping to strengthen families across the globe.   In May 2018, FamilyLife is launching its first full-length feature movie, Like Arrows. It started as a parenting resource, and in today's episode Bob shares what it was like taking it all the way to the big screen. The movie's title, Like Arrows, is drawn from a passage in Scripture, Psalm 127:3-5.   Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! Parenting is a blessing, and it's also a great responsibility. We are called to raise the children God has given us and launch them with aim into the world. Brent and I were blessed to be able to watch Like Arrows a few weeks ago and it affected both of us in several ways. What an incredible power we have as parents to shape the next generation!   The two-day release of Like Arrows is May 1 and 3 and you can head to http://familylifeministries.org/likearrows/ to view the trailer, find a theatre near you, and purchase tickets.   Do not miss this movie. It's a powerful and relatable story that I know will inspire and help families with the parenting challenges they are facing at home.

God’s Mercy IS Everlasting Episode 36 God is good. And God is merciful. But do we really understand the amazing power behind the Mercy of God? In this episode, we will discuss God's mercy and the fact that He can forgive your sins if you just let Him. Thank you to …the movie Like Arrows. […] The post God’s Mercy appeared first on Ultimate Christian Podcast Radio Network.

The Kendrick Brothers are known for the films 'Fireproof,' 'Courageous,' 'Facing the Giants', and 'War Room.' Hear Alex Kendrick talk about their new project 'Like Arrows,' directed to revealing the ups and downs of parenting. This film will release in theaters for two nights only, May 1 and May 3. Listen to how this movie helps you rethink parenting and the new parent initiative called FamilyLife's Art of Parenting.

Andrew Ryland & others

there’s a pain in my side i try not to think about it nothing to worry about it’s just a small hole but sometimes i’m afraid that i’m losing something that it will leak out and i’ll end up hollow visions come quickly they flash across my skies do i dare look directly or turn away how many songs in a year would it take to convince you how many would it take before you fell in deep what else can i do before i spill out on the ground would you with one finger plug the hole and even if you would but just couldn’t please tell me anyway a ruby for your pearl bhagiti 5.14.07 perrysburg, oh