Her Rules Radio

Thanks for joining me for this final episode of Summer 2021. I'll be back in a few months, but I'll be busy this autumn, as my paintings will be featured in three art shows, including the upcoming Clio Art Fair in NYC, September 9-12.  I'm honored to be named one of NYC's Artist Corps Grant winners, which means I'll receive city funds to create an art show for women and non-binary artists who are living and working in Brooklyn. The vision and name for the show came from what I call my “50 Failures Project,” the topic for today's show. Join me! You can read the full show notes at https://www.alexandrajamieson.com/blog/266

If you love hearing from women who support others on their leadership journey, then today's show is a treat for you. My guest will inspire you with tips, advice, and insights into success, positive thinking, and goal setting. Join us! Dorie Clark is a true internet superstar. She helps people get their ideas heard in a crowded, noisy world, and she's been honored with awards too numerous to count. Dorie has written the #1 leadership book, Stand Out, and her new book, The Long Game, will be available soon. She is a former presidential campaign spokesperson, frequent contributor to Harvard Business Review, consultant, speaker, graduate of Harvard Divinity School, producer of a Grammy-winning jazz album, and Broadway investor. The New York Times describes Dorie as an “expert at self-reinvention and helping others make changes in their lives.” You can read the full show notes at https://www.alexandrajamieson.com/blog/265

Today's show is about relationships and connection. We are discussing creativity, activism, and transparency with my inspiring guest. Join us! Solonje Burnett is a Caribbean-American who embodies the idea of universal interconnectedness among people groups. She identifies self-care as a catalyst for community care, and she's on a mission to give the underrepresented a seat at the table. Solonje works to shatter stereotypes, structural inequities, and biases through business practices, culture curation, strategic branding, hiring advocacy, and inclusive purpose-driven community experiences. Solonje is the epitome of a multi-passionate, multi-hyphenate woman who supports small businesses and advocates for multiple causes to bring more equity and social justice into the world.  From managing artists to creating incredible events at private venues and social clubs to producing conferences, Solonje guides healing breathwork classes and teaches radical self-care. She also sings in the Resistance Revival Chorus, which was born out of the Women's March. She has a bachelor's degree in psychology and Africana studies from Wellesley and a master's from Emerson College in broadcast journalism. You can read the full show notes at https://www.alexandrajamieson.com/blog/264

Today's topic came in hot in two client conversations this week, so I knew it was something that needed to be addressed. Join me! You can read the full show notes at https://www.alexandrajamieson.com/blog/263

This season's shows are inspired by my personal creative journey and coaching experiences over the years. The shows are for women who want to hear from and support others while learning from their creative journeys. Today's show highlights the commitment to help people use their voices and tell their stories. Join us to learn more. Courtney Napier is a writer, journalist, and anti-racism coach from Raleigh, NC. Her work has been published in many places, including The Appeal, Scalawag Magazine, INDY Week, and Walter Magazine. Courtney is the founder of Black Oak Society, a collective for Black creatives in North Carolina. She's the editor-in-chief of the collective's flagship publication BOS Zine (the fourth issue has recently been published). Courtney's anti-racism consulting practice helps organizations with the challenges of incorporating goals, equality, and inclusion into measurable policies and practices. She created a two-day workshop, Know Better, Do Better, designed to explore the suppressed narrative and the history of white disruptors throughout American history. Those of us attending will come away with a larger sense of our capacity to change our communities and a greater sense of responsibility. You can read the full show notes at https://www.alexandrajamieson.com/blog/262

This show is an unusual one in that it's a solo episode. There is no guest; it's just me, and I'm focusing on one topic that will resonate with many people. Do you want to leave your job? Has the pandemic affected your goals, aspirations, and what you want out of life? If your answer is YES, then take heart. You are not alone. There are three things you can do right now to be part of what's being called “The Great Resignation.” Let's talk about it. You can read the full show notes at https://www.alexandrajamieson.com/blog/261  

As we continue with shows that support multi-passionate, multi-hyphenated women to gather their strength, get clear, and reconnect to their creative wisdom, I have another impactful conversation for you. Join us for inspiration to help you take the next steps on your creative journey. Elizabeth DiAlto is known for her raw, honest, and grounded approach to self-help and spirituality. She specializes in helping women embody self-love, healing, wholeness, and liberation. Her experience covers 12+ years across the fields of fitness, self-help, spirituality, coaching, personal development, and helping women “untame” themselves through embodiment practices, energy medicine, and collective experiences. Her podcast, Embodied, has reached over 3 million downloads! Elizabeth is a friend, novice container gardener, avid Latin dancer, and has a laugh that is “a sound bath of sunshine and joy.” You can read the full show notes at https://www.alexandrajamieson.com/blog/260  

In this season of highlighting women creatives who have several different outlets, businesses, and creative modes going simultaneously, I have an incredible creatrix for you to meet today. Join us! Rebekah “Bex” Borucki has been on the show several times before. She's a dear friend with whom every conversation is a special treat. She's the founder of Row House Publishing and the WPP LIttle Readers Big Change initiative. She's a busy mom of five, meditation guide, author, and publisher of books for big and little readers. She has a penchant for collecting vintage 80s toys, and she was the Cranberry Queen of 1995. You can read the full show notes at http://www.alexandrajamieson.com/blog/259

Here is another show to inspire you on your creative journey. I'm talking to one of my favorite Brooklyn-based artists here in the studio. If you need support and a boost of wisdom, you're in the right place. Morgan Everhart is an artist in every sense of the word. She creates incredible paintings full of beautiful florals, but she's also busy with performance and writing. Morgan has learned and worked in many places, and her paintings have graced the walls of many notable museums. She is currently working on her first outdoor mural on NYC's Lower East Side, commemorating how individuals, businesses, and organizations have persisted through the isolation of the pandemic.  You can read the full show notes at http://www.alexandrajamieson.com/blog/258

This season's shows have an intentional focus on inspiring you on your creative and leadership journey. The guests are specifically curated to support multi-passionate, multi-hyphenated women to gather their strength, get clear, and reconnect to their creative wisdom and dreams. Here's another gem of a conversation with someone who has helped me tremendously with financial perspective and alignment. Join us to learn more! Jacquette Timmons is a financial behaviorist committed to helping us see that we don't manage money, but we manage our choices around money. She gives behavior-based financial coaching and lots of good advice that applies to everyone, even if they've been in business for a long time. Jacquette's workshops, keynotes, panels, and work with corporations are in high demand because she brings creativity and a designer mindset to each financial situation. You can read the full show notes at http://www.alexandrajamieson.com/blog/257

Are you a multi-talented, multi-passionate woman with a lot of interests and ideas? Are you like me--someone who refuses to niche down into one singular box? Maybe you’re an entrepreneur like me who can’t stand being told that you have to pick “one thing.” What about your personal boundaries? Do they help you maintain the productivity and creative output that you want? Do you have community support and inspiring people in your life who motivate you to take risks and do things differently? Whatever your answers are, I’m pretty confident that THIS is the podcast for you. Join us as we begin Season 6 with an overview of upcoming shows here on Her Rules Radio. You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/256

There are many challenges to being a creative person. I’ve experienced many of those challenges, and we’ve discussed many of them here on the show. Today’s show will inspire us to make it through a crisis situation to thrive in your craft. In addition, we’ll be taking a sabbatical of sorts after today’s show, but Her Rules Radio will be back soon with more interesting guests and perspectives. Christine Dixon is an actress whom I met on Instagram. Since then, we’ve had many email and video conversations, and I knew that her story was one that my listeners needed to hear. Her experiences bring up many themes around the obstacles that creative thinkers face in putting their work and ideas out into the world. Chris has been performing her one-woman show, Harriet Tubman, for years. She has incredible stories about the challenges she’s overcome to deliver this performance. It’s a combination of education and entertainment that brings empowerment to each audience. Chris shares with us how she faced the fear of failure and rejection and learned to adapt to tough situations. She demonstrates how to think positively and proactively while reaching out for help when it’s needed. She shares how we can keep moving forward, so we live with no regrets. I hope you’re inspired to help support Chris and her amazing work. Her story is a beautiful ribbon as we wrap up the package that is this season of Her Rules Radio. You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/255

This show is all about living life by your own rules. One of the challenging areas in which we need to break the rules is in setting boundaries. It’s an ongoing battle for many people--and for most women. Let’s dive into this topic and learn more! Nancy Levin has written a new book, Setting Boundaries Will Set You Free, and she’s busted a lot of myths around setting boundaries. We’re discussing the nitty-gritty of boundary setting, and Nancy is sharing truth bombs to revolutionize your life and your relationships. You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/254.  

Creativity, Compassion, Courage... The 3 C's we need now.   We need to be creative to solve big, new problems we're all facing…   ...and we need to be creative to heal, grow into, and discover our best selves.   We need compassion for each other if we're going to come together and survive as a species…   ... and we need compassion for ourselves so we can embrace our failures, failings, and fuck-ups, and continue to grow and achieve.   We need COURAGE to change habits that lead to the healing we want, the growth we desire, the relationships we dream of…   ... and we need COURAGE to dismantle the unjust systems we live in, speak uncomfortable truths, and stand up for what we believe in.   Becoming an Artist has required all 3 of these - some days all at the same time. STAYING an Entrepreneur has required all of these… every day.   Today, I’m excited to invite you to the Creatrix Circle 2020, a 28-day group experience with:   The support and accountability you need The inspiration you desire The community and coaching you’ll love…   See the info here, and sign up! http://bit.ly/Create28

We know that every woman’s worst critic is . . . herself. It’s a sad but true fact. Why do we spend so much time and energy berating and judging ourselves for falling short of our perfectionist ideals? Why can’t we embrace the truth of who we were created to be and who we have become through the ups and downs of life? This might be just the interview that you need to hear today. In this episode, we discuss some juicy topics for women. What if you took the energy you spend on self-improving and bashing your body in chasing impossible standards of perfectionism and channeled that energy into things that truly bring you alive? Join us! You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/253

Your thinking, clarity, and the ability to be present as a creative leader are tied to how you nourish your body with meals and snacks. A change to how and what you eat can improve how you think. Want to know more? Join us! You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/252

Have a tough time making and keeping personal boundaries? You're not alone! In this episode you'll learn: Alex's most popular and commented upon boundary (that keeps her distraction-free) The 2 questions to ask yourself and others to help you define powerful, compassionate boundaries Pre-order your copy of Radical Alignment at www.RadicalAlignmentBook.com to master this and the All-In Method, and get your bonuses here! 

Ever struggle with shame? Imposter Syndrome?  Yeah, me too.    When a client experiences shame, they live in constant fear of being rejected. And they become trapped in the avoidance strategies they create to escape the pain. However, shame left untreated grows more powerful. And it can often lead our clients into behaviors that invite even greater shame.   I’m going to show you the ONE thing that has been studied and shown to dissolve them BOTH - the ONLY studied method used by professional trauma therapists and researchers…   AND I’m going to show you how the All-In Method, the tool at the heart of our book Radical Alignment, works to dissolve BOTH.   HUGE new info coming to my attention: Bessel Van Der Kolk, author of the body keeps the score, in a special course from The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine   The one counterintuitive technique that removes the fear of rejection from shame… it’s the same one that dissolves imposter syndrome…SHARING YOUR SHAME AND FEAR OF BEING SHAMED WITH SOMEONE SAFE, IN A NON-JUDGMENTAL SPACE.   Impostor syndrome is often comorbid with depression and anxiety and is associated with impaired job performance, job satisfaction, and burnout    Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, fraud syndrome, perceived fraudulence, or impostor experience) describes high-achieving individuals who, despite their objective successes, fail to internalize their accomplishments and have persistent self-doubt and fear of being exposed as a fraud or impostor.1 People with impostor syndrome struggle with accurately attributing their performance to their actual competence (i.e., they attribute successes to external factors such as luck or receiving help from others and attribute setbacks as evidence of their professional inadequacy.   People with impostor syndrome had fears that were significantly related to maintaining their social standing and not wanting to display imperfection to others   The only studied method for helping people with Imposter Syndrome is sharing your fears and concerns in a safe space. A 1985 paper by Matthews and Clance qualitatively described their experiences in private practice caring for 41 people with impostor feelings.53 They recommended validating patients’ doubts and fears, directly addressing fears of failure, and providing group therapy since these patients often feel isolated and that they alone experience impostor feelings;   SO: HOW can you start to implement this in your life? Use the All-In Method from our new book, Radical Alignment: Intentions Concerns Boundaries Dreams   I’ve seen it work again and again in my marriage and in parenting my son. We now have a safe structure and habit of communicating our fears. Order your copy of Radical Alignment and share your receipt number at RadicalAlignmentBook.com to get a bonus workshop with me and co-author/hubby Bob Gower!  

Need to have a talk about a tough topic? This show is for you! Welcome back to Her Rules Radio where you come to learn how to live life by your own rules! Today’s show is brought to you by my new book, co-authored with my incredible husband Bob Gower, Radical Alignment, how to have game-changing conversations that will change your business and your life!   SOOO excited to be back here with you, talking again - I took a little summer break and now we are basically back here in Season 6 (yes, coming up on our 6th anniversary of this show!)...   If you’re listening for the first time, or the first time in a long time, I grew up in a radio station - my mom had her own organic gardening radio show for 10 years, and every once in a while I would go on the show and do a “children’s gardening” episode with her! My older brother brendan was her sound engineer, so it was a family affair!   Even though we were a creative, often collaborative family, there’s one thing I didn’t really learn growing up with my fam:   How to have tough, emotional, or high-stakes conversations that felt safe, where everyone could be bravely vulnerable.   It’s part of why Bob and I finally wrote this book - RAdical Alignment.   You know those skills you wish you'd mastered earlier in life? ME too.   I didn't learn how to gracefully talk about emotional topics until well into adulthood. Important conversations would veer wildly from where we started, and it felt so dangerous.   Maybe you grew up in a family where any past mistake could be brought up again. Maybe you didn't have space to talk. Maybe one person would dominate conversations so you felt like "what's the point?"   Emotional conversations were hard for me until my late 30s because I always felt I had to argue my points and “win” - and that never felt right to me. I would show up to conversations with people I cared about, friends or family or even business colleagues, and I would feel like I was trying to be fair and generous, and maybe the other person was out for blood! The heart of our book Radical Alignment is The All In Method, which helps each person commit to sharing their intentions, concerns, boundaries and dreams about a topic. It’s not about arguing points, or “winning” - it’s a format to collect information so you don’t avoid talking about really valuable emotional stuff that sits underneath all important things. YES - emotions matter and they’re always present! I grew up thinking emotions were bad, or invalid or even unfair to bring into conversations. But we are all human! EVERYONE has emotions. So our AIM helps you share them in a respectful, safe way where people are able to listen to each other better than ever before. Another thing that kept me from bringing up tough topics? Things going off the rails! Has this ever happened to you? You start talking about one tough topic, and the other person brings up something completely different that happened in the past, and now you’re arguing about something completely different.  In our book Radical Alignment we show you how to set up a conversation with another person or people so that you all agree in the beginning on the topic, so you can come back to it if things feel like they’re getting off course. It's such a relief!  I like to think of it as a linear process for emotional topics. When you have a shared map - ok, everyone we are agreeing at the start to share our intentions, then our concerns, then our boundaries, and then our dreams, and everyone gets the same amount of time, and no one will talk over each other - we are just hear to listen to each other … With THAT roadmap? Totally new outcomes are possible.  One of the tough conversations we are in as a family, and that’s me and my husband, my son, and his dad and step-mom, is what is life going to look like in September.    My son is getting ready to go into high school here in New York City, although at the point I’m recording the show, I don’t know if he’ll be going to school or starting the year from his bedroom. This is a tough choice and many families are feeling really upended because we don’t know what to do, or what’s coming.    So we are using our AIM to help us have conversations about the decisions that need to be made as an extended family. We use AIM to help us understand each other’s needs, worries, and to actually build empathy with each other - which in blended families with competing needs and fears isn’t always easy.   This is a way to have a shared vocabulary, a shared commitment to how we will communicate that is respectful, fair, and productive. It helps us stay grounded. And it helps us make space for our son to share his thoughts and feelings, and because we’ve been using it with him for a while, since he was 7 or so, he feels comfortable talking about tough topics with us -    WHICH feels so huge to me.   A few weeks ago at the dinner table, he said, out of nowhere, “I’m really glad I’m being raised learning to care about other people’s feelings.”   I don’t know about you, but this feels like a huge parenting WIN!   SO: I offer you a challenge: to invite someone in your life to have a tough conversation in the next 48 hours.   Invite them with openness and kindness: don’t say “WE NEED TO TALK.”   No one likes to hear that.   How to invite someone to a tough conversation   Be specific but not rigid.  Be inviting, and be clear about the topic. See what happens!   Personally I’ve had a BIG breakthrough with some family members recently about topics I’ve been avoiding for decades… the conversation is ongoing but we are off to a clear, caring start.   I would love to hear from you how this goes!  Pre-order Radical Alignment and get your bonuses here! https://radicalalignmentbook.com/

Today’s show will be the last one for a couple of months. I’m taking a summer break before the August 2020 release of my new book, Radical Alignment, co-authored with my husband, Bob Gower. Today’s show has everything to do with design--and we are going far beyond kitchen remodels.  Angie Lee is someone I met in the last few months, and we bonded immediately. She’s an architect, partner, and Design Director of Interiors at FXCollaborative in NYC. Angie knows the importance of design and how it is a part of everything in our lives.  You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/251

Today’s guest is my gold star doctor guest and one of my favorite people. Her work is immensely helpful, and her products are beneficial in many ways. Her philosophy is that being healthy and vital involves the whole human being, and it’s not all about weight loss. If you want to learn how to take ownership of your body and your wellness, then join us today. Dr. Anna Cabeca is “The Girlfriend Doctor.” She works with thousands of women to help them understand and improve their health and manage their hormones. Along with her life-changing products and programs, she’s written two books, The Hormone Fix and Keto-Green 16. She’s done exhaustive research to find solutions to help women reclaim their vibrancy, sexuality, health, and happiness.  You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/250

How are you coping lately? Have you been managing your stress levels? Today, we’re very happy to have Rebekah (Bex) Borucki joining us on the show. Bex’s mission in life is to make mental-health support and stress-management tools accessible to everyone. For the last ten years or so, she has been doing this in several powerfully creative (and sometimes exhausting) ways. In recent years, however, she has felt moved to pivot most of her work and become a writer of children’s books. Bex has a powerful message to share. Her inspiring story is sure to uplift and encourage you! You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/249.  

As an artist, there are many constructs you have to overcome in order to create authenticity. Whether those are mental, societal, or physical, there’s an element of discovery that cannot be revealed without releasing our pre-existing perception of the world.  Lindsay Katt is a brilliant example of what it means to be unapologetically yourself, as well as a colorful illustration of an artist. As a musician, filmmaker, painter, and master of doing things, Lindsay shares what it means to use your voice unapologetically in a way that resonates with others. She discusses how to use art to improve the lives of those around you, strategies to deal with creative blocks, and how to know when we should violate social rules.  You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/247

This bonus episode is for those of us who are parenting in these times of crisis. If dealing with the increased pressures of parenting is leaving you feeling stressed, then I have an expert coach and therapist to help. Dr. Jennifer Johnston-Jones is a dear friend who is here to help us focus on what is most helpful for parents during this time. She is a licensed clinical psychologist and the founder and executive director of Roots & Wings Institute of Social and Emotional Learning for the Prevention of Childhood Trauma. Jennifer has over twenty years of experience profoundly changing families, individuals, and companies, and she’s the author of Transformational Parenting, listed as a top parenting book by USA Today. Jennifer works with teachers and parents to help change the parenting and education paradigms around childhood trauma, and she’s a sought-after keynote speaker who lives in the Los Angeles area with her husband and two children.  You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/247

How does a mom of 3 teens, trauma coach, and therapist handle parenting during the Covid-19 crisis?  On today's bonus interview with Cristie Ritz-King, we talk about: How to create self-care boundaries with your kids when you're all home 24-7 How to honor your own inner turmoil while showing up as caregiver for little ones What IS trauma? How do we manage traumatic triggers on our physical and emotional health? What to do when you blow up at your kids (because it will happen) How to help our kids when we notice them acting out or withdrawing... and more. Get more from Cristie here: https://cristieritzking.com/

If you’re experiencing surprising feelings of grief lately, you’re not alone. It’s normal during the upside-down times to examine our lives, question our decisions, or feel like we’ve lost our dreams for the future. Remembering our values, our morals, and our spiritual compass will help us to stay moving forward. Finding a mentor can also help us to move forward by providing clarity and connections, which are especially important right now in this time of unrest. Learn how to find a mentor and get the most out of that valuable relationship in today’s episode. You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/246

All across our nation, we are consumed with staying healthy in a crisis, and we’re just in the beginning days of the coronavirus crisis. Even in the time of this pandemic, there are many things we can do to support our mental and physical health. We need to focus on the basics and return to the fundamentals. Think about what habits can keep you healthy and grounded. Remember that you are the author of your life, so pick up the pen and choose your path forward to tell your story.  Michelle Aspinwall is the creator and founder of A Skin. She’s a coach, speaker, author, and skincare creator, and like me, she has Hashimoto’s. She shares how she experienced a health crisis and became her own advocate. Michelle shares how to take care of your autoimmune issues in times of overwhelm, along with the mental and spiritual work in recovering from health issues. This is an inspiring interview about helping ourselves through transitions when the world feels upside down.  You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/252

How can we best manage our outlook and prepare for a positive future during times of global change and pandemic?  Tap into your innate creative resilience. What is resilience: the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. Post Traumatic Growth: When you bounce back even stronger after trauma, physical illness, etc.   The post-traumatic growth inventory To evaluate whether and to what extent someone has achieved growth after a trauma, psychologists look for positive responses in five areas. 1: Appreciation of life 2: Relationships with others 3: New possibilities in life 4: Personal strength 5: Spiritual change Creativity:  Creative Resilient people face stressful times with staunchness, making meaning of hardship and looking for lessons and improvise solutions from thin air.    Creative resilience is your most important resource during times of crisis, change & transition. Transition, which is what we’re all going through right now, is the psychological process people must go through to come to terms with new situations. We live in a world of constant change. Nature is an example of constant birth, growth, death, and renewal. Understanding the cycles of creation will help us thrive in change, rather than fear it. While transitions can be painful, they are a source of creativity, growth and transformation. I don’t believe we can experience a transformation without undergoing a psychological transition, and if we can cultivate resilience, we can proceed  with a sense of adventure on what Joseph Campbell described as a Hero’s Journey (illustrated at the top of the page). “A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself,” according to Campbell’s definition. “A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man.” We are all on a hero’s journey through life, and if we want to find the boon, or the gift that lies buried in the abyss, we must be willing to embrace great difficulties that are a prerequisite to transformation. CREATIVITY: the use of the imagination or original ideas, the ability to come up with solutions, the use of tools to create something new, or fix something old, even making it better.   In Victor Frankel’s book Man’s Search for Meaning, his memoir about surviving the holocaust; Frankl said we can discover meaning in life in three different ways: (1) by creating a work or doing a deed to help others;(2) by experiencing something or encountering someone; and (3) by the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering.   How creativity helps us in times of stress: Express yourself creatively (for many of us, creative expression is like oxygen for our souls) When my coaching clients tell me about times of transition, I ask what they could do to nurture themselves to reduce stress. Creativity is always at the top of the list, along with getting enough sleep, exercise, proper nutrition and being with friends or family. Creative expression has the power to heal emotions, and nurture the soul. When we enter the flow states of complete absorption in a creative process, we open our awareness to new perceptions, and new perspectives. Creativity is something you can control. When you take time out of time to create, you shift your field of attention into something generative and life affirming. FINALLY, IMPROVISING:  Improve, in any form, is creativity where we are fully present and stay flexible. Resilient people are masters of innovation and resourcefulness. They have the capacity to improvise and to create bricolage: creative problem-solving using a variety of materials that happen to be available. The Apollo 13 mission (launched April 13, 1970) is a dramatic example of improvisation: When the spacecraft was well on its way to the Moon, an oxygen tank exploded, scrubbing the lunar landing and putting the crew in jeopardy. Working with Mission Control in Houston, the crew used their lunar module as a “lifeboat.” Using spare parts and spacecraft canisters, the astronauts improvised a method to reduce the carbon dioxide concentration in the spacecraft. How might you improvise at home or at work? What resources do you have available to you, to utilize in new ways? DISCOVER YOUR VALUES HOMEWORK: http://alexandrajamieson.com/values EXPRESSIVE WRITING PRACTICE:  Imagine it’s 5 years from now and you feel really good in your life. Your work, your relationships, your health are all in a solid, satisfying place. You look back on this workshop, this moment, as a turning point in your attitude, creativity, and self-compassion. What happened for this current time of crisis to be a catalyst in you creating a beautiful life? What story do you tell people 5 years from now about what you did and who you became during this time of turmoil? Tell the story now - write for 5-10 minutes.

How important is your self-care? Do you make it a priority? In today’s show, you’ll meet a creative woman who wants you to care about your self-care! She lovingly creates plant-based products that make people heal and love themselves. You’ll be intrigued by her inspiring story and her connection to healing herbs, all of which began with a single bar of soap. Krystle Robinson-Hershey is the creator of Sage & Elm Apothecary, a company dedicated to providing customers with plant-based beauty products. Krystle is dedicated to her holistic approach to creating unique products to enhance self-care. A trailblazing entrepreneur, Krystle is also a wife and mom to five children. You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/244

Where do you prefer to work? Part of being in alignment with your core values is how you work, where you work, and with whom you work. I like to work at home sometimes, but I still use a  fantastic coworking space, and I occasionally resort to the tried-and-true coffee shop, where the low caffeinated hum of others around me brings peace and comfort. Most important to me is that I can work in a place that feels welcoming, cozy, and comfortable--and my coworking space gives me that. I’ve found that a coworking space provides fewer distractions than working at home, and I love the benefits and amenities. If you’ve never tried a coworking space, then today’s show will open your eyes! You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/243

Today we are discussing a hard topic. It’s a subject that many people try to ignore, but the truth is that we can all do something to help in the fight against sex trafficking. Get in a safe space and join us if you’re ready to listen to a woman who turned the problem into her mission. Kristen Harness has turned her early mess into her message. From a childhood of abuse and homelessness, Kristen has made rescuing the victims, girls and young women who get caught up and forced into prostitution and sex and human trafficking, her mission through her organization, Extended Hands of Hope. You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/242 

Today’s show focuses on a topic that doesn’t get enough attention, which is the relationship between early childhood abuse and our ability to be happy, healthy, and successful adults. Let’s take a deeper look with my guest. Dr. Rosenna Bakari is an author, advocate, and scholar. She’s been busy writing about breaking the silence of sexual violence and helping adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Rosenna is not just a survivor but a thriver. She’s also a psychologist who knows how to help people process their early trauma and find the strength to thrive. I’ve found that the healthiest response to childhood emotional wounds is also the rarest response, which is to feel in order to let things go. Acknowledging the feelings is the way to try out a new set of patterns and ways of being. Rosenna is a role model and voice for those who need support through the different flavors of trauma. Her book is Too Much Love is Not Enough: A Memoir of Childhood Sexual Abuse.  You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/241

Fertility is a topic that comes up frequently for anyone who works with women. Infertility is a problem that many people face, and it affects men as well as women. Many people you see every day are going through struggles to build their family, although they wear a mask that makes everything seem OK. Today’s guest calls infertility “the silent epidemic,” and the numbers of people affected are simply astounding.   Andrea Syrtash is a relationship expert, journalist, and the founder of Pregnantish, the first media site devoted exclusively to helping singles, couples, and LGBTQ humans navigate fertility treatments and infertility. She’s been featured on Oprah’s OWN Network, FOX, and other TV outlets, and she’s written books titled He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s a Good Thing), It’s OK to Sleep with Him on the First Date, and Cheat on Your Husband . . . with Your Husband. Because of Andrea’s long, tough journey, she is committed to breaking the taboo of infertility and elevating the conversation about what it takes to start a family for millions of people today. Her work is both interesting and controversial. She’s here to share her story of 18 fertility treatments for eight years, and how she finally met her baby through a surrogate. There are a lot of misconceptions and stigma around types of fertility treatments and infertility. Because this affects so many women, I wanted us to have a deep and meaningful conversation about infertility, the options, and how we can better support friends and family members. We’ll discuss how Andrea kept up her creative, on-air personality while undergoing an intense physical and emotional process behind the scenes. We’ll also discuss the judgments and unwelcome advice that people encounter as they go through infertility, along with the legal ramifications that make things even more difficult.  You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/240

Mid Life Success Stories Life doesn’t end at 30, no matter what your younger self believed. It’s so harmful to believe the story that we have to be a big success by the time we’re 40 or we’re failures.  We live in this cult of youth that discounts the wisdom, beauty, and experience that age brings.  WORSE: it makes us middle-aged mamas (and papas) lose faith in ourselves, stop following our dreams, and quiet our own fierce voices. As an antidote to the false story that once you cross a certain arbitrary age you’re “past your prime,” here are some amazing stories inspired by this viral tweet that went out a couple of weeks ago:  Here’s just a couple of stories I loved from the thousands of comments people shared on Twitter: AND, here are stories shared from a few womxn in my Her Rules Radio Crew Facebook group from ya’ll! AND, here are a couple of success stories from my own beloved Creatrix Clients that are sure to inspire you! Heather Hudak just published her first book, Nourish, Heal, Thrive at aged 50! Michele, who came to NYC for a retreat with me, fell in love with the Embody Dance class we had and reconnected with her love of ballet. She found a private teacher, and performed a solo recital for her 60th birthday - dancing en pointe! (which is a huge accomplishment at any age!) Ready to get inspired and shake off the “too old,” or “it’s too late” vibes? I’m getting ready to organize 3 new retreats, and you’re invited! These retreats will be inspiring, clarifying, healing, and motivating. They’ll be filled with other womxn who believe that no matter your age (25? Great! 65? Awesome!), your time is now.   Interested in an upcoming retreat with Alex? I’m planning virtual and in-person retreats for small groups of womxn this spring! Just share a few details with me here so I can get you the details as we make plans: http://bit.ly/springevents2020 

I made an Instagram post over last weekend applauding the landmark decision of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry to pull back from royal life and do what’s right for them. I’ve taken the liberty to make Meghan’s name a past tense verb that means to value yourself enough to leave a situation in which your authentic self is not welcomed or wanted. Don’t we all need to be more like Meghan in making the power move to set rules and boundaries that work for us? Geneva Peschka is a director, creative producer, and incredible documentary filmmaker. Geneva knows the value and the healing power in telling our own stories. She co-directed Unspoken and is the director/producer of a short documentary series titled Women. We’ll talk about the importance of creating space and allowing people to tell their stories. It’s what life is all about.  Show Highlights: Geneva’s work as Community Manager of The Wing and her ten years in NYC How Geneva realized she wanted community to pursue her creative endeavors How working at The Wing helped fuel Geneva’s creative work within a framework of collaboration Examples of how Geneva nourished and replenished herself when she found herself out of balance Why you need to have an honest conversation with yourself about what brings you joy How Geneva dove deeper into healing by becoming a Reiki practitioner, learning to set boundaries, and being dedicated to replenishing herself How Geneva has learned to handle the pressure by recognizing what serves her well and what doesn’t How Geneva is learning to be more gentle and more patient with herself How the documentary series, Womxn, highlights a diverse group of women who share thoughts and experiences Geneva’s inspiration for Womxn and her purpose of awakening people and sharing authentic experiences in celebration The process, form, and structure of the interviews in the Womxn series, along with the collaborative community that made it possible Womxn---the unique spelling that symbolizes inclusion Unspoken, the short documentary featuring Emma, a teen with autism How Geneva observed how Emma and others with disabilities were treated in public How the passion for storytelling was awakened in Geneva by seeing her mother be strong in speaking up and speaking out The therapeutic effect on Geneva in using her voice and talents to help others be seen and heard The rewarding impact in sharing and celebrating other people’s stories Geneva’s words of wisdom about sharing your story: “Just start. Have a vision. Ask people for their ideas and their help. Be gentle with yourself. Take your time, don’t burn yourself out, and dream big.” Upcoming projects for Geneva: expanding the Womxn series, a feature documentary, and an animated series Resources: https://www.genevapeschka.com/ Geneva’s Womxn series on Vimeo: Unspoken short documentary:   

I’ve seen a common theme emerge repeatedly with my coaching clients of recommitting to our bodies and falling back in love with self-care. Energy, strength, and physical vitality are necessary for us to create the life we want, so what are the things that bring joy to you in your body? No matter where you are on your self-care journey, every moment is a blank-slate opportunity. You can recommit to wellness and your body right now. You deserve it!   Robin Bronk is CEO of the Creative Coalition, where artists are inspired to use their voices to make the nation better. We all owe the Creative Coalition a debt of thanks. Back in 1989, actor Ron Silver brought together a group of writers, actors, producers, directors, and designers from the entertainment world and founded the Creative Coalition. They are people who want to use their skills and savvy to stand up for the arts. Federal funding for the arts, free speech, and arts education are causes that the Creative Coalition supports.   Show Highlights:   How and why Robin became involved in the Creative Coalition What the Creative Coalition does to help the arts thrive and flourish in our country The fascinating phenomenon of an actor’s scope of influence Our responsibilities within our community How arts funding and education are beneficial to our kids How the Creative Coalition presents the facts and figures in advocating for the arts before Congress Why the arts should be important to all of us How the arts open up a world of possibilities to all types of students while connecting them to other subject areas What we can do to become better advocates for the arts STEM vs. STEAM   Resources:   www.thecreativecoalition.org

Thank you for being here! I feel truly thankful that I get to share this work with you all. Thank you for your time and attention. I see your commitment to your work and your creative expression, your health, relationships, and putting in the time and resources to be fully expressed in this short time we have here in this lifetime. Your work matters. Your work is important...I believe that. What’s a Creatrix? What’s Creative Leadership? Creatrix is an old word that means "she who creates; authoress; feminine founder." Creative Leadership means…leading in a way that embraces life-long learning; this leader is someone who handles change with creative thinking skills and a “I can figure this out” attitude; this leader is as committed to their own autonomy, free from past limiting beliefs, as well as committing to connecting to others; this leader commits to bringing their unique voice and vision to the world in the service of their own abundance and the uplifting of others. 4 things we'll cover in this episode: What Creatrix Leadership IS, why it's important in this fast-changing economy, and how to grow yours in 2020 The remedies for Imposter Syndrome, "being seen," overwhelm, confusion, and fear of judgment (it’s all about shame) Connect with your Inner Authority for self-trust and get better at making good decisions, fast. For more, sign up for the Creatrix 2020 Training, January 8th, here: http://bit.ly/creatrixleader2020 http://bit.ly/creatrixleader2020

The Secret Weapon of #Creatrix Leaders: Community by Alexandra Jamieson Martin Seligman, one of the founders of positive psychology, developed a five core element of psychological well-being and happiness. Seligman believes that these five elements can help people work towards a life of fulfillment, happiness, and meaning. P – Positive Emotion This element is, perhaps, the most obvious connection to happiness. Focusing on positive emotions is more than smiling: it is the ability to remain optimistic and view one’s past, present, and future from a constructive perspective. E – Engagement Activities that meet our need for engagement flood the body with positive neurotransmitters and hormones that elevate one’s sense of well-being. This engagement helps us remain present, as well as synthesize the activities where we find calm, focus, and joy. M – Meaning Having an answer as to “why are we on this earth?” is a key ingredient that can drive us towards fulfillment. Religion and spirituality provide many people with meaning, as can working for a good company, raising children, volunteering for a greater cause, and expressing ourselves creatively. Unfortunately, the media worships glamour and the pursuit of material wealth, impacting many people to feel like money is the gateway to happiness. While we do need money to pay for basic needs, once those basic needs are met and financial stress is not an issue, money is not what provides people with happiness. A – Accomplishments Having goals and ambition in life can help us to achieve things that can give us a sense of accomplishment. You should make realistic goals that can be met and just putting in the effort to achieving those goals can already give you a sense of satisfaction when you finally achieve those goals a sense of pride and fulfillment will be reached. Having accomplishments in life is important to push ourselves to thrive and flourish. R – Relationships Relationships and social connections are crucial to meaningful lives. Too often, the pursuit of happiness has this Western bias of “individuality” where each person steers their personal happiness ship to shore. This is not realistic. We are social animals who are hard-wired to bond and depend on other humans. Hence, the basic need for healthy relationships. We thrive on connections that promote love, intimacy, and a strong emotional and physical interaction with other humans. Positive relationships with one’s parents, siblings, peers, coworkers, and friends is a key ingredient to overall joy. Strong relationships also provide support in difficult times that require resilience. Basically, our pain centers become activated when we are at risk of isolation. From an evolutionary perspective, isolation is the worse thing we could do for survival. These activation centers are like fire alarms in the body, discouraging people to continue feeling this pain, and ideally, reconnect socially with someone or a group. We need, neurologically, to know that we belong to a group; it helps us feel safe and valued, and has for millions of years. … This led me to think a lot about the kinds of communities we need to achieve our own goals and growth, including professionally and personally… I read a lot and have seen hits on this Creative Community idea from many different successful artists, creatives, and entrepreneurs.   In her hilarious and illuminating book on thriving as a working actor, Jenna Fischer preaches “be a joiner!”    I couldn’t agree more...   In her first years struggling to get acting gigs in Hollywood, before she became famous as Pam on The Office, Jenna worked day jobs and tried to get auditions while her roommate took a different route:   He joined a theater company and volunteered for behind-the-scenes work in “the biz.”   While Jenna watched a lot of movies alone at home, her roommate was always busy, building community, learning how the business worked, making connections, and creating side projects with other actors.   After getting lonely and feeling isolated, Jenna realized she needed to join in, volunteered at a theater, and began making community and connections.   She credits her new friends and community with supporting her and keeping her going on the long, tough road to success.   In my own career, it is the friends and connections I’ve made through coaching programs, conferences, retreats, and classes that have given me the strength and inspiration to keep going during hard times when I didn’t believe in myself or when I was trying something new and risky.   --- “You think you’re alone and thought this up yourself, you know, and you’re not; you’re part of an interactive web of twentieth-century thought.  That is, to me, incredibly lovely because...it’s just less lonely.”  ~ Laurie Anderson ---   On Trying To Be The Solo SuperWoman   Being a creative entrepreneur (AKA Creatrix Leader) can be a meaningful, healing, spiritual, and deeply satisfying way to make a living and a life. At its best, we do it in the company of others, with a balance of alone time.    There are a few instances of Creatrix leaders who do it all in solitude, create great work, and have the inner fortitude to manage the mental and emotional challenges… ...though, I don’t know any personally.   Out of all of the long-time, successful creative entrepreneurs I know, I see a common trait amongst us:   We continue to seek out community, get support, and ask for help. We set aside time to go away together and brainstorm strategies. We make space for creating our ideas into reality. We put money, time, and resources towards this work. We commit our full selves to the process, again, and again, and again.   Creative Leaders (AKA Creatrix Leaders, AKA Creative Entrepreneurs) DO require community:   We need the stimulating conversations about topics most of our family and friends just don’t “get.” The questions, experiences, and heartfelt support of peer Creatrixes are like nourishment and fuel. Professional writers work with editors, co-writers, or join critique or coaching groups where they come together to share and read their work. They also get accountability and meet with like-minded (and similar-souled) people who understand what they’re trying to do. Our coaching or critique groups help us improve our work, and help us see things that could be made better or richer.  They also help us practice our boundaries and independence as we notice aspects of our work that we prefer to preserve.    My own community of support is made up of writers, coaches, artists, entrepreneurs, actors, filmmakers, and more.   I’ve just joined a small group of women who are my own mastermind group for 2020.   I cannot imagine where I’d be without the stimulating conversations, questions, challenges, and heartfelt support of these fellow creators and risk-takers.    Brilliant event facilitator Priya Parker, author of The Art of Gathering, credits her creative community with keeping her inspired, focused, and finding her authentic voice:   “We figure out not only who we are, but who we could be, through our gatherings...birds of a feather flock together, but we have a choice of who we want our birds to be.”   You don’t need to be a painter, novelist, or poet to have a creative community.  Women in my past mentorship groups have included:   A trauma-informed PhD candidate launching a new website and retreat series A copywriter working on a novel, card deck, and creating independent coaching programs A surgeon working on her website and planning a book launch while she built an authentic social media following An established coach creating a new kind of coaching and retreats A business consultant ready to launch her online presence while nurturing her local contact and network A financial coach with a 7-figure resale business who finally got back into painting and launched her speaking series A top sales woman in a tech company who aimed for and achieved a massive promotion, and is now planning to hike the Himalayas with friends...   … the list goes on and on.   These womxn realized that working with a coach and a small community would help them leap over their previous limiting beliefs.   Because when you get to know people, and let them know you, you can’t hide behind your excuses anymore. “Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much.” ~ Helen Keller Even when you have the skills, plan, and commit to showing up to the creative work every day, it can take time. Success doesn’t happen overnight.   The community you find in mentorship groups are there to lend support and feedback, listen to you, hold you when you’re feeling down, and cheer you on as you bust through limiting beliefs.   The womxn you meet will be so inspirational, they’ll help you get through the struggle and doubt. And, by the way, you’ll inspire them to get their their hard times, too!   ---   And Yet, It Can Feel Scary To Join IN   There are perceived challenges to joining a group. We face additional fears:    It’s scary to be seen. When we allow people to truly know us, as we share our goals, vision, and challenges, we fear that they won’t like us. We experience: Perfectionism, and try to present a false image of what’s really happening under the hood Mean Girl Triggers, worrying we’ll be gossiped about and cast out like we were in our younger years that’s why in the Creatrix 2020 we aim to support each other, not compete with each other Social Anxiety, a whole host of physical sensations and worries that make it hard to relax and be present with others     Worry about picking the wrong group. That’s why it’s important to meet with or talk with the organizer of the group, to ask some questions, and get a real sense of what their style is. Consider it a two-way interview where you’re both getting a sense of each other. An experienced mentor will curate the group a balance of personalities, and ensure the group’s mission is a fit for the individuals.       Concern about the time commitment. We’re all busy. The secret of these groups is that the few hours you’ll give to the group will help you get so clear and focused you’ll spend less time on stuff that doesn’t matter, and have more time to use for what does. In my experience, mentorship groups will expand your capacity for your work, as you’ll feel more energized, inspired, and you’ll waste less energy to loneliness and worry.   The truth is “Human happiness lies in doing well what we are uniquely suited for,” The more you get to use your strengths to further causes you believe in, the better you will feel.   The best way I’ve found to handle these fears is to talk with people in a group, or apply to work with coaches who are creating a community like the Creatrix 2020 Mentorship, ask questions, feel into the possibilities, and leap toward the desires I’ve had for growth and connection.   ---- On Balancing Our Introvert With Our Desire To Connect   In Priscilla Long’s Handbook for creators, Minding The Muse, she describes the stages of a creative’s work, which I think parallels a successful Creatrix’s path:   Making Stage: Experimenting, putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), building, etc. Usually solitary, though I do in-person co-creation in retreats with individual and groups.  Refining Stage: when you bring in an editor, share your work or ideas with a group, add, subtract, prune; when you invite your peers to take a look in put in their two-cents. Purveying Stage: enter a competition, launch your program, publish your website or podcast, send your book proposal to agents or publishers, etc. This is when having your peer-group behind you is especially helpful. With trusted friends at your back, you’re finally brave enough to take this step, which you may have been putting off for years.   “Writing is a lonely job.  Having someone who believes in you makes a lot of difference.”  ~ Stephen King       I’ve always found this path to be a dance between alone time, group-connection-time, and “going public” time. The first few times you do this dance, it feels weird and uncoordinated. That’s ok - you’ll get better!   In the end, creating your work, with your unique voice and vision, isn’t just about making money, (though my passion is that we Creatrix Womxn get paid well), in the end, it’s about enriching the lives of those who will be touched and served by your work, and enriching your own life as well.   Some questions to consider as you get ready to find your community:   Do you have adequate community? Are your people stimulating your work, your courage, your vision? Do you put yourself out there? Have you joined and paid attention to others’ work? Do you contribute? Have you engaged with other driven creatives and showed up for them in real time, which generates energy for you and the collective?   Applications are now open for the Creatrix 2020 Mentorship group, which begins January 24th, 2020. Get the details and apply here: https://alexandrajamieson.com/creatrix/

Clear. Freedom. Unapologetic Action. Uncommon Skills For Women Who Lead.   From clutter to clarity. From overwhelm to spaciousness.  From other people’s priorities running your life to life running by your rules, gracefully.   The most powerful skill driven women master is the power to clear space.   When we claim dominion over our time, we truly, truly, truly get the life we dream about. The impact. The health. The body. The love. The abundance.   We hide the truth behind our distractions...   It’s behind our addiction to the Container Store… Maybe if I get these matching cartons and redesign my office, I’ll be more productive.   It’s behind our over-committing to newsletters and podcasts… If I have more information I’ll finally systematize my life and work to boss-babe level.   It’s the cause of our late-night eating and chugging a bottle of Merlot by ourselves… The crush of work and family was massive today (and tomorrow!!) - I deserve this.    A client story, meant to inspire:    Andrea and I worked together for several months when the crush of mothering, running her online coaching business, and over-commitment to various events lead to a perfect storm of overwhelm:   “I’m tapped out. I am barking at my kids. My husband and I barely speak. I don’t know what next step to take in my business. I’m too distracted and frantic.”   I led her through a clarity exercise which revealed powerful truths, and swept away the stuff that was in the way of her true desires:   Andrea was hiding behind her busy life.  She filled every moment so as to avoid seeing her truths.   Her truth was that her kids were fine, and didn’t need her constant attention.  In fact, she saw, they began to thrive when she gave them more space. Her truth was that her marriage needed more attention, but her overwhelm unconsciously drained her of the energy necessary to get her into couples therapy. Her truth was that her soul wants her business to evolve into a new style of coaching, and she was afraid to start sharing her new work with clients and friends.   The truth, found in the clear spaces, is that your life is calling you to action. Unapologetic action.   Saying “no” to the old, overwhelmed schedule requires fierce love and dedication. Saying “this time is reserved for my soul-level work” requires trust and faith in your worth. Saying “I’m worth this” means shedding old habits and ways of thinking.   Here’s the truth:   You can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no. You can be seen as a helpful person who achieves great things and fiercely protects your soul’s need for space. You can be a good, considerate woman who puts her priorities above all else. You can be a reasonable, smart woman who invests in her growth and spiritual needs. You will get more, better work accomplished when you have more space and peace.   All this requires mastering the uncommon, Creatrix skill of clearing space.  Clear space in your daily schedule for your needs. Clear space for your body and soul to speak to you through dance or meditation. Clear space on your agenda for envisioning, high-level coaching that takes you to the next level of your development. Clear space in your life for your voice and desires to air out and take action.   By getting clear, Andrea saw her life for what it was: her own. And in that freedom from distraction, she began to take action.  Unapologetic action. And her life began to reflect her truest desires.  Now that’s power.   Do this today:   Look at your schedule for today.  Look at the obligations you feel responsible for.  Choose 2 things to say NO to. Plan 30 minutes in your calendar for a spacious walk, meditation, nap, or journal session. Fight the urge to justify your change in plans.  There is no one to justify this to, except your soul, your truth.   Look at the remaining days of December. Choose a day to reclaim for yourself. Envision the perfect babysitter for the kids, or that your husband willingly takes them for 6 full hours of fun. Turn off your social media. Put away your phone.  What will you do with this space? What will you gain from this blank time? What fears or worries start to appear when you have clear time for truth to arise?   My own work as a mentor, coach, and writer have evolved by leaps and bounds in the last year, but it required a fierce dedication to creating space.   Space for truth to arise. Clearing away lies that repeat, like “you’re not good enough.”   I invite you to clear your space today, NAME.   Write me back - just hit reply: How will you claim your space now? What do you suspect you will find in the space? And finally, how will your life be better in 1 year when you dedicate yourself to protecting your space?   (I, and only I, read your replies. And yes, I read every single one :) Xo, Alex P.S. Applications for the Creatrix 2020 Mentorship open soon - get on the early bird list here to be in the first group to apply: https://forms.gle/SbDsYkEXG3QFQqnCA

Inner Authority and CONFIDENCE Through Creative Self-Expression Welcome back to Her Rules Radio! I'm Alexandra Jamieson, your coach and host. Kate had a hidden, secret, second-self. Her Shadow.   Despite her success, Kate couldn’t shake the idea that women in her sales group were better than her: more sophisticated, better educated, more confident than she.    They were members of an “in-group” that she never felt invited to. She worked super hard to get her children accepted to groups and clubs and schools where they would “belong.” She always felt like an outsider at work events, school gatherings, and caught other moms giving her strange looks, and obsessed that they were judging her.   “Every time I hang out with other women at company events or conferences, I freeze up. I drink too much because I’m obsessed with how I look, always comparing myself to them.    And even though I’ve reached the Gold Circle and the top 10 people in sales at our company, I never feel like I’m good enough. I drink too much, eat too much, and can’t relax to make friends with people in a way that feels authentic. I just feel uncomfortable in myself.   It’s so weird, because I’m doing so well with my sales! People always comment on how authentic and easy-going I am in our business conversations, but when the attention turns to me in real opportunity for connection I get weird and start to feel anxious.” Freezing up is caused by an inner insecurity where we aren’t able to express ourselves fully and honestly.  Imagine you’re in front of a person or group of people whose opinion you care about.  They’re all looking at you.  Focus on how your body feels: do you feel physical signals like tightness, heart racing, sweating, or other feelings like you’re a deer in headlights?   In this moment, do you feel like you can express yourself, while feeling these feelings?   The insecurity, awkwardness, and anxiety kills our ability to connect with others, and our creative thinking shuts down. It makes us so obsessed with how others might judge us, that we can’t be authentically generous and become overly self-focused. Which makes us feel more alienated.   Through our coaching conversations, K realized she was keeping herself from these relationships. We practiced and K was able to approach a couple of the women in her company that she wanted to connect with.    She asked if they’d be interested in forming a women’s group within the company, so they could support each other. K told them about her inner anxiety and what she was working on with her coach, and they immediately opened up:    They had also been feeling disconnected and wanted to create stronger relationships at work, with her! In fact, they both looked up to her and hoped they could learn more from her about how she had become so successful!   K has misjudged them: she had become so self-obsessed and withholding that there wasn’t an opening for the other women to approach her. Both sides were wrong about each other. And by bravely, vulnerably opening up to them, they were able to begin a new way of being together.   Insecurity seems to have a life of its own.   Inside each of us is a hidden, secret, second-self. The Shadow.   All those feelings of inadequacy, fear, and self-doubt, are our inner shadow. It’s the part of us we try to hide. The part we fear we’ll be judged for, if anyone knew the truth. It’s everything about ourselves we don’t want to be, but fear we truly are.   It’s called The Shadow, because it follows us everywhere. It’s your dark side, your ego, Bitch Brain, low-vibration self, and id. It’s the grotesque Mr. Hyde to our respectable Dr. Jekyll.    Your shadow impacts how you see yourself. It doesn’t matter if others see you as successful, beautiful, brilliant, and wonderful: if your shadow says you’re a reject, a loser, too fat, too old, or too lame, that’s what you’re likely to believe about yourself.   The Shadow is our insecurity.  And it’s why insecurity is impossible to get rid of.   The only way to manage The Shadow is to integrate it.  AND, turn it into a source of strength.   This truth speaks to our most basic, shared human struggle: We all want to feel worthy, loveable, and capable.  But we are the only ones who see our shadow, and we feel ashamed.   We feel so disgusted by our inner truth, we turn away from The Shadow and look outside ourselves for something that makes us feel worthy, loveable, capable, and valuable.   So we look to others to validate us, approve of our work, our ideas, our selves.    It’s why we get obsessed with celebrities and influencers, or the woman in our field who has a social media following twice the size of our own:   We think that because others focus on this person, that she has been validated and approved of. And we focus on the “vanity metrics” of follower size,    Our need for acceptance causes us to buy things we don’t really want, follow career paths we don’t truly care about, create things that aren’t our true calling because they’ve been validated by likes.    The shadow is an innate part of the human being, but most of us are willfully blind to its existence. We hide our negative qualities, from ourselves and everyone else.    To hide we might criticize others in an effort to take the attention off of ourselves. We go through life with a false sense of superiority and a belief that while others act badly or destructively, we ourselves are wholly virtuous and always in the right. But we know it’s not true, because a part of us is always aware of The Shadow.   No amount of approval from others can make you feel whole or worthy.  Because no amount of outside validation can eliminate your inner Shadow. We can’t escape it, because it’s always there, lurking beneath the surface, hiding behind our outer appearance, making us feel a failure, embarrassed, and weak.    When you need validation from people and metrics outside yourself, you give them your power. They become your ruler.   No matter what you do, you are always seeking this validation, which causes you to edit your ideas, your truth, your uniqueness. It makes us twist ourselves and silence our voices in order to hide The Shadow from everyone around us.   So every time you get into a group of people, or start to reveal yourself, you freeze in an effort to hide The Shadow within. You get unfocused, confused, or stop your forward momentum with expressing yourself.   What healers and psychologists since Carl Jung have known is that the way to heal our relationship to The Shadow is to embrace it, integrate it, and learn from it.    Embrace The Shadow, and Unleash Your Creative Self-Expression (USCSE)   Think back to when you were a kid, and felt free to express yourself. Maybe it was creativity, play, movement, or imaginative self-expression. When we are small, until we experience the first traumas of life, we have a feeling of freedom in our bodies and have no Shadow to hide.   We are connected to the Universal Spirit of Creative Self-Expression.  We are filled with it when we’re young.  You see it in kids you know.   This Universal Spirit of Creative Self-Expression drives us to share who we are, what we think, and how we feel without filter, and uncaring of how others react, or what they might think about us. It causes us to share ourselves in a genuine, truthful way.    When you embody this Spirit, you speak and share yourself with clarity, depth, excitement, energy, and authenticity.    You become a channel, a conduit, for something greater, and Universally True.    We all feel it in different ways:  Writing, speaking, singing, dancing, painting.  Athletes get “in the zone.” Flow. Intuition. Creating. You’re speaking or acting from your deepest, truest self, because you are connected to this spirit, this energy, that we all have the ability to connect with.   As children we all naturally express ourselves from this Universal Spirit. As we grow into adults, we get injured, judged, and punished for our unique expression, and learn to hide it.   By the time we become teenagers we are obsessed with outside approval from our peers.    Then we have to hide anything about ourselves that might be judged as bad or weird.    And we use our hidden place to store all the things about ourselves that might, in any way, be unlikeable, unworthy, or unlovable.   So our inner, hidden self becomes a dumping ground, and we keep using our energy to hide within ourselves. Our least-favorite qualities become inextricably tied with who we truly are, down underneath all the outside show we put on for others.   And our Inner Truth turns into something we hate, The Shadow.    This means, dear one, that our Shadow holds the key to our true self, our inner authority and confidence, and our creative self-expression.   It takes powerful tools to unlock this gorgeous confidence.   The best tool I can share that I’ve used myself and with countless clients, is Creative Self-Expression.   Some examples:   #1 When I finally came clean and shared that I was eating meat again after being vegan for 10+ years, I had to face The Shadow that I was a fraud and a failure. The truth was, through sharing my evolution and new reality, that I was honoring my body, which I had been trying to control through food. In the social media firestorm that came next, I discovered a much bigger audience of people who wanted help in creating a healthy relationship with food and their bodies.   I felt honest and self-expressed. And my business grew.   #2 My client K applied for and won a coveted promotion that moved her family to Amsterdam.    #3 Other clients have worked with their shadow to realize that they were still trying to appease their parents through their current career track or presentation, and decided to stop hiding their message and passion. Building platforms, writing books, speaking out more often.   When we stop caring what people think of us, or how they’ll judge us, and begin to self-express more clearly and creatively, people are drawn to us. We become a magnet for clients and important relationships.    You are just one of the few who has bravely stepped up to integrate The Shadow.   “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular.” (Carl Jung)   Once we become more aware of The Shadow in ourselves, we must honor it and find a way to integrate it into our life. It’s the Uncommon Path of Creative Leaders who Thrive. If we fail to do it, or continue to hide it (and hide from it), we become weak and scattered because we’re trying to serve our authentic self and hide our shadow, which dissipates our powers and energy. The shadow must become a part of one’s conscious personality.   Tap into your Inner Authority, through Creative Self-Expression.   Embrace your hidden self, knowing every single human being, even the greats you admire, has their own shadow they’re wrestling with.   Embrace it, and speak with it, knowing you are the only Inner Authority who matters.   TEXT: CREATRIX to 33444 To get on the early bird list for Creatrix 2020

“I just don’t feel inspired today, Mom.” My kid was standing, shoulders slumped, pencil and sketch pad on the table. “Don’t worry,” I said. “You don’t have to feel inspired right now. All an artist needs to do is sit down and start moving the pencil so inspiration has somewhere to show up.” My 12-year old son was facing what all of us creative and driven types face at some point: the myth of inspiration.  I see it in my clients all the time: coaches, podcasters, consultants, writers, and healers.  I see it in myself, which is how I can spot it so quickly in other people! This false myth needs to be scrubbed from our belief systems.    It’s a myth that we need to wait for a great idea to land, fully formed, in our brains, and only then can we sit down and create something “good.”   And I’m about to show you how to scrub that myth from our minds, why it’s important to do so, and how it will benefit your satisfaction and success.   I hear this myth expressed from my clients who are:  Coaches Branding or marketing experts Doctors Healers Psychologists Bloggers People who are growing an Instagram or Facebook following, or  People who are starting a book or podcast   The myth keeps us from sitting down and fumbling through our thoughts.  The myth stops us from getting our butts in the chair to write. The myth is what keeps us from getting better through practice.   The truth is, great writers and creators, successful coaches, and outstanding entrepreneurs don’t wait for inspiration to strike: they get down to the work, knowing that inspiration comes when we have our tools, get into our space, welcome the Muse, and embody the Creatrix.   It’s like putting on your hiking boots: you’re not out hiking yet, but you’re ready to start.   If I waited to feel inspired I might never: Go to my 7am pilates class Cook a fresh mid-week dinner Speak in front of a room of potential clients (I still get hella nervous public speaking) Record a podcast Finish writing a book...   What’s important, and what every creator you admire knows, is that it’s the tiny personal habits that lead to professional success...and life satisfaction.    Growing these habits of creativity can greatly improve anyone’s life. (Especially your business and career!) And the practice of ramping up your creativity isn’t just for artists.       Creativity is for everyone.  But waiting for inspiration?  That’s a rookie belief.   Studies on creativity, inventors, and entrepreneurs show that those who produce the “master works” also tend to produce the most work, including a lot of failures. Some quotes from people who know:   Thomas Edison said about his long road to inventing the light bulb: "I haven't failed -- I've just found 10,000 that won't work." “Nothing will work unless you do.” – Maya Angelou “Discipline is not a dirty word. There is far more freedom and opportunity for creativity and success in enjoying discipline. Years ago someone I very much respect told me the reason they were successful is that they embraced doing what other people resent or are reluctant to do.” – Janice Bryant Howroyd       Now, don’t get me wrong:   This truth about inspiration is not the same as not listening to your intuition! You might be thinking, “but Alex, how is this different from trusting my intuition when it tells me to wait?”   Very good question! Here’s another question for you to ask yourself, so tune in, get quiet, and ask yourself:   Is my intuition telling me to stop and rest and wait? Or am I resisting showing up to the daily work of experimentation and practice?   Only you can answer this question. Doing the work, consistently, even when it isn’t “good,” is what helps us trust and hone our intuition.   As you show up to the page, or desk, or microphone, keep listening to your intuition and let it guide you. It will lead you to inspiration and great ideas.   So showing up to your work, consistently, is really about trusting yourself, the value of your ideas, and believing in your divine connection to your Inner Creatrix.   Here are some ways you can realign with your internal motivation and show up for your passions:   MAKE TIME, TAKE  SPACE: be present, look at the world around you, read books, look at art, listen to music, walk in nature, make art. Get out of your device. Our job as creatives is to observe, play with reality, take in the world, and imagine a new one. We are the creators of the new world and new solutions. By being present your ideas and inspirations will come.   These all work for me, and I hope they help you, too.   The priceless value of committing to your creativity, and not waiting for inspiration to strike, is that you’ll create new, exciting combinations:   Your work and skills get better.  You’ll surprise yourself and rekindle your passion for the work.  Your resilience will grow, and you’ll get into a productive flow more often.    Some questions for reflection: Do you tend to work in the same way all the time? Can you shake it up? Do you make space and take time to consistently show up for your passions? In late December I’ll be opening applications for the Creatrix 2020 mentorship program. Want to be in the first group to apply? Go here to get on the early bird list:  Xo, Alex  

Confession: I Was A Copy Cat Coach   I didn’t think I had anything interesting or new to say. Scratch that: I DID believe I had something to say, I just wasn’t saying it. Instead I was copying others and passing it off as my own. Because I was scared...   When I started out as a health coach, 19 years ago, I followed the exact formula set out by the school I attended. That strategy helped me engage and support clients, so I stuck with the formula for years. But then it stopped working. And I thought I just needed a new formula to grow my business again.   So I signed up with a coach who trained me in a new formula and system, and I began to see a new burst of growth and clients. I used that formula for a while, and it started to get harder and harder to find and support new clients.   Was it me? I tend to get bored with systems and formulas, so I have to wonder if my diminishing lack of enthusiasm caused the decrease in clients. Or was it the system?   I then pinballed from coach to coach, system to system, learning new formulas.   That’s when I realized I was copying other coaches. Not just the coaches I was working with, but other coaches who put out newsletters I read, writers who wrote books I loved, and more.    It didn’t feel good.  It wasn’t very successful either.   They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, but when I imitated or copied other coaches, I heard a nagging voice in the back of my mind. The voice said:   “You’re copying someone else. You don’t really have anything original to say. And if it’s not yours, then what good is it? You’re just a poor imitation of someone else. Might as well give up. You’re going to get caught and called out. Better not get too big, or people will notice you’re a fraud…”   UGH. It felt gross.    I hated hearing that voice and the way it made me feel.  The impact of this voice, my Bitch Brain, (AKA Imposter Syndrome, Inner Critic, Resistance), was that I didn’t grow as big as I said I wanted to. My passion for my work was dampened by the fear of being “found out.” My impact on the world, helping women grow into their best versions and create abundant, satisfying lives, was smaller than I dreamed it could be.   And I got called out for my imitation a couple of times.   When I got called out, I made immediate steps to rectify the problem: took down a sales page and rewrote it redesigned a graphic with new colors and words Apologized…   But the real work was in seeing that I wasn’t facing my fear: The fear of putting out my real work, my real ideas, in my true voice, and possibly having it ignored, criticized, or not making an impact with it at all.   In the hard work of becoming yourself, and clearly presenting your vision, teaching, work, or art, you will have to face the voice that says your work isn’t good enough.   It may keep you quiet and not working at your fullest capacity... It may cause you to copy-paste someone else’s work and not give them credit... I may even cause you to close up shop and stop pursuing your dream...   ...if you let it.    It’s a dance to create who you are, using the inspiration and education you’ve acquired, and not simply copy someone else who inspires you.   The truth is, even the greatest masters learn from someone, and often copy the work of other creators to learn technique.    When we learn how to cook, we use other people’s recipes. When we start a business, we follow tested models that have worked for others.   But at some point, we reach a place in our work where we itch to create our own unique way of doing it. And some point, it becomes necessary for growth and our own satisfaction.   My most successful cleanse programs, which made tens of thousands of dollars, came after I fused traditional detox practices with positive psychology mindset work. My private coaching has become highly sought after since I integrated dance, art, and creative writing techniques to the personal work of professional success.    To become a unique and authentic teacher, artist, or coach, we have to learn how to filter all of our influences through our unique lens of personal experience and vision.    To create something unique and magnetic, healing and useful, we must bravely do the work. And risk getting is wrong.   My own work and drive to create is fueled in part by a desire to be original and fuse all the truths together.   Your work, or art, or services are a tapestry of all of your experiences and education, sewn and woven together in real time, always evolving.   You are a coat of many colors, not a copy-paste meme.   In a few weeks I’ll open applications for the Creatrix 2020 Mentorship. If you would like to have first access to the application process, just let me know here:

Today’s show is about owning all the parts of yourself, including the one we call the “dark night of the soul.” If you’re not familiar with the phrase, you’re probably well-acquainted with the feelings that characterize this state. Let’s jump in together and learn more! Liyana Silver is a good friend, coach, and author. We’ve known each other for years. Liyana’s teaching is called “Mining for Gold in a Dark Night of the Soul.” She’s an amazing coach who helps women move through their dark night and into their bodies and souls. Her first book is called Feminine Genius: The Provocative Path to Waking Up and Turning On the Wisdom of Being a Woman. You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/237

A short Power Pod for coaches, leaders, teachers, healers, doctors, and consultants on the edge you get with creative thinking techniques for professional success. Studies from Montreal and Harvard shine a light on the benefits of art and creativity.

Today’s show highlights a fascinating PBS documentary, which premieres just a few days from now. It’s made by a dear friend of mine and covers an intriguing phenomenon taking place in Boise, Idaho. Beth Aala is a three-time Emmy Award-winning producer and Peabody Award winner for her documentary work at HBO. Her most recent documentary is Rancher, Farmer, Fisherman, which she co-directed and produced. It premiered at the Sundance Film Festival in 2017. Beth is here to discuss her new documentary that will air on PBS on October 28, so check your local listings for more information. The film is called Made In Boise, and it highlights the incredible, booming surrogacy industry that has emerged in Boise, Idaho. Beth shares her approach to the film, the relationships she witnesses, the politics of surrogacy, and the number of strong feelings and opinions brought on by this topic. I believe it’s important for women to see and hear stories about women that are made by women. Beth has built her successful career around the creation of these stories. You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/235

Authentic leaders know who they are, and let people in on their truth.   Coaching to uncover your authentic truth is not just about solving problems. Coaching helps you avoid problems by providing accountability and space to think and be more clear and intentional about your goals and actions. And coaching is really helpful for getting clear about where you want to go, and how you want to feel. Coaches don’t provide a lot of answers, but they do ask a lot of great questions to help you find your own answers. Here's a list of my top favorite questions that I use with private coaching clients that create: • Space for self-reflection • New perspective • A loving kick in the butt when your thinking is stuck • Support for difficulties and new ideas • Accountability for your goals and plans Go to https://alexandrajamieson.com/fuck-it-list/ for the free How To Write Your F*ck It Guide workbook!

You’re in for a treat on today’s show as we welcome back one of my favorite guests to talk about some of my favorite topics! We are talking about hormones and sexuality with one of the leading holistic doctors. Middle age brings with it many changes in our physical and sexual health. We’ll cover energy, focus, hormones, and sexuality as they relate to the way our bodies age. Dr. Anna Cabeca has much to teach us about feeling safe in our bodies and sexual relationships. We’ve been friends for years, and I trust her and her products, and I use them faithfully. She understands the dropoff in energy and focus that comes with middle age, and she knows that balancing our hormones and drives in our bodies support our long-term relationships and our self-worth. If you’re struggling with any of these hormone-related issues, then this is the show for you.  You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/233

Our little show turns 5 years old this month! We've built an incredible community here, and you're to thank. A recap, what's next, and a sneak peek into the behind the scenes of my latest Rich Creatrix Mentorship Retreat in NYC! Life mapping for creative leadership success, banishing imposter syndrome, and more! Thanks for being a part of our community here. 

We are diving into deep juiciness today as we explore the topics covered in a new book. This book will challenge your thinking about traditional Christianity and religion, especially regarding the role of women in ancient times as spiritual authorities. Come explore this topic with today’s amazing guest! Meggan Watterson is a feminist theologian with a Master of Theological Studies degree from Harvard Divinity School and a Master of Divinity from Columbia University. She’s a teacher and writer who leads retreats and workshops on the Divine Feminine and The Soul-Voice Meditation. She is powerful and passionate about her love for Christianity, which wasn’t revealed to her until later in life. Meggan’s latest book is Mary Magdalene Revealed: The First Apostle, Her Feminist Gospel & the Christianity We Haven’t Tried Yet. The book explores the deep, rich history of women in early Christianity in a fascinating way. You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/231

25 non-fiction, self-help, and "fluffy fiction" books I read this summer: How do I source all these books? Libby and Overdrive Apps - both require a library card, you can download ebooks and audio books for free, or place a hold and they’ll be delivered to your device when it’s your turn. ThriftBooks app - used books for sale (usually for very cheap) by the owner Powells.com - used and new books, and you can enter the ISBN from your books and they’ll buy them back from you. You just ship them to Powells with their pre-paid shipping label and I always get credit on their website. Also, KindleUnlimited - it costs a bit, but for my fluffy fiction I go through them pretty fast. I also know that those authors do get paid by the page count I read, so that feels good. I’d be lying if I said I never get tempted by a good old fashioned book store - this summer I was in my home town of Portland, OR and simply HAD to get a new book off the shelves.   How I keep track of what I've read for future reference: For the non-fiction books, I like to take notes. I use Evernote and quote passages or write inspirations I get from the reading. Then I can tag them for future reference. So I have tags like coaching, growth mindset, courage, confidence, creativity, and marketing. I know some people use a google doc for this as well, which I use google for everything else, but Evernote’s tagging system is easier for me. Also, Evernote’s app is easier for me to use and I listen on the go a lot.

As we return to the show after a refreshing summer break, I have a special guest and a new book to share with you about a tough topic that’s close to my heart. September is Suicide Prevention Month, and this week is Suicide Prevention Week. It’s super appropriate that we discuss what life is like for the survivors left behind after the suicide of a loved one. This is something that’s been prevalent in my family, and some of my earliest memories are of the aftermath of a loved one’s suicide. Let’s dive into this topic together!   Sarah Neustadter, Ph.D., is the author of Love You Like the Sky: Surviving the Suicide of a Beloved. The book is heart-wrenching and useful, written from the perspective of a suicide survivor and psychologist. The healing process is an unfolding of growing and learning, but the important thing to know is that there IS help. Sarah wrote this book because all the books she found didn’t touch the raw emotions she felt at the death of her beloved several years ago. She was confronted with hard questions, so the book is designed as a map for navigating complicated grief and understanding grief as a way toward deeper transformation from despair to beauty. You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/219