Youth Culture Today with Walt Mueller

With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we're spending all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. One important step we can take is to teach our kids that the nature of living the Christian life is like running a race. The writer of Hebrews tells us to run with perseverance the race marked out for us. And, as we run and struggle and even stumble at times, we are to fix our eyes on Jesus, who is the pioneer and perfector of our faith. In my own life, one of the greatest causes of anxiety is the tendency to take my eyes off of Christ and to place them onto the temporary matters of life that can consume my thoughts and energies. Instead, we are instructed to look away from these idols and focus our gaze straight ahead to the one who waits for us at the finish line. Teach your kids to keep from looking side to side in the comparison game that only leads to fear and anxiety.

With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, I want to spend this week offering some strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. Perhaps the most effective strategy is to teach them to preach the Gospel to themselves. Teach them to speak to their hearts, telling their hearts to follow the Gospel rather than allowing their hearts to speak to them. You see, our feelings are not trustworthy. They can lead us astray. They are especially dangerous during times of emotional highs and lows. While the mantra of today's culture is “follow and trust your heart,” the mantra for the Christian should be “follow and trust the Gospel.” I have found the words of this old hymn to be helpful: “God is God, he sees and hears, all our troubles, all our tears. Soul forget not, ‘mid your pains, God o'er all forever reigns. Fear not Death nor Satan's thrusts, God defends who in Him trusts. Soul, remember in your pains, God o'er all forever reigns!”

In Ephesians 5, Paul tells us to look carefully about how we walk, “not as unwise, but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” With the summer months approaching and the kids soon getting out of school, we want to encourage you to work with your kids to get off their screens, get out of the house, and make the most of the time rather than wasting their time on foolish pursuits. Here are some suggestions. For those who are old enough, have them secure a summer job. All of our kids should be required to perform daily and weekly chores around the house. Have them engage in outside yard work. Help them look for opportunities to volunteer. If they are too old to participate in your churches vacation Bible School, have them volunteer as helpers. Guide them to develop a short list of books to read over the summer months. Encourage them to develop a daily exercise plan. Teach them how to get into the habit of having daily devotions. Encourage your kids to have a wise summer. 

One of the questions we often hear from parents relates to the appropriate amount of screen time which they should allow for their kids. Generally speaking, research, surveys, and the observations of parents themselves indicate that our teens spend way too much time focused on their screens. This means that they are spending less time on what once were the normal activities of childhood, including things like outside play, socializing with friends, and spending time with family. Researchers in Sweden are reporting that kids ages twelve to sixteen who spend excessive time engaged with their screens experience multiple negative impacts on sleep, including decreased duration of sleep, decreased quality of sleep, delayed sleep until later hours, and greater incidence of depression. Let's be responsible parents who set and enforce strict time limits on screen time so that they will get the amount and kind of sleep for which God has made them.

Recent research from Lifeway tells us that “the single greatest influence over spiritual health is regular Bible reading while growing up. Plainly put, the parents of young adults indicate that regular Bible reading as children yields the greatest influence over spiritual health.” Any of us who are Bible readers know this to be personally true, as the Holy Spirit works to change us, conforming us to the image of Christ as we read God's Word. And what could serve as a better example to our children than our time spent reading and studying the Bible, along with the time we spend reading the Bible together as a family. As an adult, I realize now that my greatest and most treasured memories are not those of family vacations or other family activities. Yes, those are great memories, but they don't hold the same value as those memories of habits and times that shaped my faith and who I am today. I'm grateful to my parents for their example as Bible readers who took God's Word seriously. 

Fentanyl is a powerful synthetic opioid drug that is approved by the FDA for use as a pain reliever and anesthetic. It is approximately one hundred times more potent than morphine, and fifty times more potent than heroin. It carries with it a high risk for addiction and dependence. When taken in high doses or when combined with other substances like alcohol or heroin, it is known to cause respiratory distress and death. Chances are, all of us know of a family that's been impacted by fentanyl addiction and or overdose. These stories are alarming enough, but adding to our concerns over Fentanyl is the fact that fentanyl poisonings among teens ages thirteen to nineteen were up over fifteen-hundred percent. In 2023, forty-five percent of these poisonings were life-threatening, meaning that these kids could have died without treatment. Sixty-six percent of these occurred when kids were using the drug to get high. Parents, this is a drug use trend we need to notice and address.

I recently read an editorial piece written by Steve Rosenbaum of The Sustainable Media Center. The title of his piece caught my eye: “Snap, Shame, Repeat: Inside the New Adolescent Reality.” Rosenbaum writes these words: “Social media hasn't just reshaped adolescence – it has reprogrammed it. And we are only now starting to realize how deep the damage goes.” He recounts reading a headline in The Guardian which he says stopped him in his tracks. The headline? “If there's a problem with boys' behavior, it's because of us.” Rosenbaum goes on to say that the “us” are adults, the platforms, the regulators, the educators, the media architects, and the investors. These are the people and institutions which have built social media into the destructive force that it is. But I would add one more group to that list of problem-makers. It's us, the parents. If we fail to see the dangers out there and then take steps to protect our kids, we have not lived up to our God-given parental responsibilities.

Those of us who are followers of Jesus Christ are called to bear each others burdens. We are to pray for each other. As friends, we are to love at all times and be there for others during their times of adversity. One thing I've learned as I've spent time with Christian kids is that so many of them battle with loneliness, anxiety, and depression. Even though they are followers of Christ, their adolescent struggles seem to be no different than the struggles faced by their non-believing peers. We are being told that the mental health crisis among our kids is reaching epidemic proportions, and almost two in five teens say they are not getting the support they need. Of course, those of us who are parents need to be more diligent in our efforts to nurture our kids in the faith and support them in any way we can. But there's a role the larger body of Christ must play. You may not have teens of your own, but you can and must endeavor to support the kids in your church through your prayers and presence. 

I was recently walking through a local retail establishment and passed a mother pushing her young son in a shopping cart. The boy, who I guessed to be either two or three years old, was not sitting up in the normal spot where kids sit, but down in the cart with a small amount of merchandise. As we passed, the little boy, sitting cross-legged, never looked up. Instead his eyes were focused on an ipad as he was continuously swiping at the screen with his fingers. A few seconds later, he loudly yelled, “Oh my!” And then a few seconds after that, he let out a loud “Kill him!” I have no idea what he was playing, but his focus never left the screen. What I do know is that this young and impressionable boy was getting an education of some sort that was not only shaping him now, but most likely for the rest of his life. It's reasonable to assume that if this continued, he would soon be addicted to technology. Parents, exercise wisdom and protect your kids from digital harm.

Have you ever found yourself basing your mood and happiness on your teenagers mood and happiness?  I've learned that that's not a good thing to do. If you do, you're just setting yourself up for disappointment. We've learned that even though we began our parenting adventure with a wonderfully written script. . . a script written by us that looked quite a bit like a Norman Rockwell painting. . . God had a different script for us to live. His script wasn't 100% percent happy like ours. While it was a struggle for us, we learned that God gives us and our kids the opportunity to struggle through life so that we might grow and mature. If we were all to base our happiness on how well things were going with our kids. . . well, we'd all wind up spending time being miserable people. The Apostle Paul laid out a better way. . . in fact, it's the right way. He writes in Romans 12: 12, “Base your happiness on your hope in Christ. When trials come endure them patiently, steadfastly maintain the habit of prayer.”

Most of us can remember those pit-in-the-stomach times we experienced as teenagers when we realized we had been left out. I remember a summer day in the neighborhood when I couldn't find any of my friends at home. I couldn't figure out why they were all gone until somebody spilled the beans later, telling me that they had all been invited to go to a home in another neighborhood to swim in the families' pool. Truth be told, I felt like a loser. The journal Frontiers in Digital Health reports that for kids living in today's social media world, the feelings I felt on that one summer day occur far more frequently, as our kids see visual and story content recounting activities and gatherings of friends from which they've been excluded. This ramps up feelings of exclusion, jealousy, and rejection. Researchers say this is feeding emotional stress and creating interpersonal conflict. Let's use these moments to teach our kids to handle disappointment and conflict with the kindness and grace of Jesus Christ. 

The story I'm about to share is not unique in today's online digital world. USA Today recently reported on what happened to fourteen-year-old Elliston Berry in October 2023, when she received a text telling her that nude images of her were being passed around at her high school. A classmate had used artificial intelligence to create deepfake photos by putting a nude body on pictures of Berry that had been found on her Instagram account. The reality is that one in eight thirteen to seventeen year old teens know someone who has been victimized by photo-shopped deepfake nudes. One in seventeen kids say they have been personally victimized. Parents, since this technology is readily available, we need to warn our kids about the moral issues involved in not only creating and distributing pornography, but the way that digital sexual trafficking, which is clearly illegal, compromises and devalues the image of God in each of His unique human creations. 

It is not enough to see our kids come to Jesus. Rather, our goal should be to lead them into walking with Jesus, both now and for the rest of their lives. Some three hundred and seventy five years ago, the Puritan pastor Jeremiah Burroughs wrote about what it means to walk with God. He wrote, "Walking with God is when we make God's will the rule of our will. The soul does what God does. What's the way of God but the way of holiness and righteousness, when the soul makes the will of God to be its own rule? I will not act on my own will. I will not act on anything but the will of God. What is it that God wills? Then I will the same thing. The soul walks the way God walks when it suits itself with God, when it sets the Lord as an example before it. This is to walk with God: to do as God does, to imitate God." Parents, God has willed that you be the one to nurture your children in the faith. You do so through your words and your actions. And there's not substitute for the example of your walk with God.

Parenting in today's world can be difficult and exhausting. One of the go-to's for parents seeking rest and reprieve is to redirect our kids away from making demands on us and our time by putting a screen in their hands or setting them down in front of the TV. Because Christian parents are to live counter-cultural lives where we focus on raising our kids in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, allowing the cultural narrative to entertain and educate our kids is not a good choice. In addition, experts tell us that too much screen time delays and even derails healthy cognitive development, feeds anxiety and depression, and disrupts sleep. A recent Harris Poll has found that sixty percent of parents admit to allowing their children to use technology before they could read. Seeing what this has done too their kids, seventy-three percent believe their kids need a technology detox. Parents, limit screen time, monitor their use, and don't put screens into the hands of young children.

In a recent article from the folks at Lifeway, I was reminded of the importance of training our kids to use physical paper Bibles rather than depending on our smartphones and other screens. We do know that when we read on a screen, we read differently than we do on the printed page. Screen-reading does not facilitate the kind of line-by-line deep reading that occurs on the printed page. In the article, Tim Pollard from Lifeway offers up some helpful reasons for using a paper Bible. He says it makes the Bible physical and tangible. It minimizes distractions. The text is prevented from changing. A paper Bible doesn't run out of battery. It reinforces the sanctity of the Scriptures. Memory is enhanced. Readers can see how the canon of Scripture is organized and how the books of the Bible are structured, which provides context for what we are reading. In addition, it facilitates focus and note-taking. Here at CPYU we encourage you and your kids to use a physical, ink-on-paper Bible!

The moment I turned sixteen years-old, my top priority in life was to get my driver's license. Armed with my brand new learner's permit, I couldn't get enough practice time in on the road. And when I passed my driver's test on the first try, there was a feeling of freedom and liberation I experienced that I look back on as a major rite of passage. As I think back, I don't remember one high school peer who didn't think as I did, and we all were eager to get that signifier of being one-step closer to full-fledged adulthood. But something's changed. Researchers tell us that almost forty percent of teens delay getting their license by one or two years, and thirty percent are delaying by more than two years. What's driving this shift? (No pun intended!). Today's kids say they're overscheduled and too busy, they are staying home and socializing online, and some are too depressed and anxious to drive. If your kids are holding off for any of these reasons, take steps to ease the unwarranted pressures which they find paralyzing.

In the past, you've heard me talk about the epidemic of body dysmorphia which is spreading like wildfire thanks to social media. Body dysmorphia is defined as a mental disorder marked by an overwhelming and all-consuming preoccupation with a perceived flaw in one's appearance. One new subset is what's called muscle dysmorphia, a belief that one's body is too small, too skinny, and not muscular enough. This has also been called bigorexia, megarexia, and reverse anorexia. Mental health and medical experts are now warning that this is the latest eating disorder affecting our teens, as more and more teenagers, particularly our boys, are struggling with bigorexia. Much of this is being fueled by the presence of social media and the comparison it fosters, while promoting muscularity as a measure of one's value. We must help our kids understand that their identity is not to be found in what they look like. Rather, it's the value they already have in God's eyes that counts.

As we prepare to celebrate Mother's Day, I thought it would be good to spend our week looking at some helpful parenting truths. Today's truth is this: Our teenagers were made to be in a relationship with God. Because our rebellion has severed our relationship with God, there remains a deep yearning inside each human being to have that relationship restored. Blaise Pascal described this universal hole in the soul as a god-shaped vacume. Teenagers are no different than anyone else. Their great need is to have this God-shaped emptiness filled by God. If you listen and look closely, you'll see and hear that their music, films, books, magazines, and very lives are crying out for spiritual wholeness. Each of us can look directly in the eyes of the teenagers we know and love and be certain that this is their reality. Each one hungers for heaven. Parents, this should spur us on to constantly and consciously serve as signposts, pointing kids to the cross and their true home.

As we prepare to celebrate Mother's Day, I thought it would be good to spend our week looking at some helpful parenting truths. Today's truth is this: Any kid, anywhere, anytime. Sadly, there's an assumption flying around that Christian kids are somehow immune from being vulnerable to the growing tide of negative influences in today's rapidly changing culture. Many of us have bought the lie that “those things don't happen in Christian families,” or “to Christian kids.” Believing this lie can lull us to sleep, keeping us from realistically recognizing and addressing the pressures that all kids face in today's world. A variety of factors are combining to make the voices of the world far more compelling and attractive to kids. It doesn't matter where they live, who they live with, or what kind of school they go to. Any kid, anywhere, can be influenced by any of the negative and dangerous aspects of our culture at any time. No church, school, family, or child is immune. 

As we prepare to celebrate Mother's Day, I thought it would be good to spend our week looking at some helpful parenting truths. Today's truth is this: there are no perfect parents or kids. The Bible teaches us that sin is present in every human heart. At the root of problems in our families and homes is the sinful and selfish nature of children and their parents. At our house, there have been far too many times to even count where we've fought, bickered, argued, gotten irritated, and lacked patience. Parents who hope and expect to raise perfect kids and have a perfect family are biblically unrealistic. To embrace such expectations only burdens us and our children with the sense of failure that accompanies the albatross of not being able to measure up. We must never forget that we are all imperfect and finite beings who are touched by sin and incapable of perfection. While we should never minimize or overlook sin, we must realize that perfection won't ever visit our parenting, our children, or our homes.

As we prepare to celebrate Mother's Day, I thought it would be good to spend our week looking at some helpful parenting truths. Today's truth is this: being a parent isn't always easy. No matter how much time and effort we put into preparing for parenthood, there will always be unexpected surprises. Raising and relating to children is difficult for everyone, and it tends to become more so as children reach the teen years. Each of us will experience a different set of highs and lows, jolts and joys, thrills and spills. If you are struggling as a parent, rest assured that you are not alone. You, me, and all other parents stand together. The reality is that it's not easy. But we can approach our parenting as a glorious challenge and opportunity. Dr. Paul Tripp reminds us, “the teen years are often cataclysmic years of conflict, struggle, and grief. They are years of new temptations, of trial and testing. Yet these very struggles, conflicts, trials and tests are what produce such wonderful parental opportunities.”

As we prepare to celebrate Mother's Day, I thought it would be good to spend our week looking at some helpful parenting truths. Today's truth is this: being a parent isn't always easy. No matter how much time and effort we put into preparing for parenthood, there will always be unexpected surprises. Raising and relating to children is difficult for everyone, and it tends to become more so as children reach the teen years. Each of us will experience a different set of highs and lows, jolts and joys, thrills and spills. If you are struggling as a parent, rest assured that you are not alone. You, me, and all other parents stand together. The reality is that it's not easy. But we can approach our parenting as a glorious challenge and opportunity. Dr. Paul Tripp reminds us, “the teen years are often cataclysmic years of conflict, struggle, and grief. They are years of new temptations, of trial and testing. Yet these very struggles, conflicts, trials and tests are what produce such wonderful parental opportunities.”

Sometimes the circumstances in our own lives and the stresses of raising and living with teens in today's rapidly changing culture can become overwhelming, paralyzing, and detrimental to our spiritual and emotional wellbeing. When that happens, we're not doing anyone any favors if we continue to spiral down out of control. If our normal support systems aren't enough to carry us through, then it's time to seek some outside help. . . maybe even some professional counseling. One or two sessions with a trained and competent Christian counselor may be enough to provide you with the guidance and support you need to get back on the right course. Perhaps long-term counseling is needed. Ask your pastor or a trusted friend to recommend a Christian counselor. Going to counseling isn't an admission that you're weak. A counselor can offer an unbiased perspective, and give you guidance that will lead to wholeness and healing.

The dictionary defines the word gore as blood that has been shed, especially as a result of violence. Keep that definition in mind as you think about the fact that the attorney general of South Carolina, Alan Wilson, recently issued a warning to parents regarding online groups which are issuing invitations to our children and teens to create and share gorey videos online. One such group is known as the 764 organization, which is a decentralized online network of individuals who approach vulnerable kids, encouraging them to record acts of self-harm, cruelty to animals, child sexual abuse, bestiality, and even suicide. The attorney general says that these groups encourage and even threaten kids through online video games and chatrooms to become the victims themselves, and to victimize others. Parents, this gore trend offers one more reason to keep your kids safe by limiting their screen and online time. God calls us to protect our kids from harm, and to provide for their well-being.

If you've ever found yourself alone in a foreign country where you can't understand or speak the language, you've got some sense of what it's like to enter into today's teenage world where slang words make up so much of the conversation. Today, I want to do you a little service by passing on some of today's latest and most popular slang common among the teen population. If you ask someone to “spill the tea,” you're asking them to share some gossip. Someone or something that is “sus” is suspicious, shady, and not to be trusted. To “throw shade” is what “dissing” used to be, and it means to disrespect or trash-talk about someone. If someone talks about their “body count” they are speaking about the number of people they've slept with. To “smash” is to engage in casual sex. If something is “no cap” it means it's totally true and not a lie. It's hard to keep up with, I know. As adults, you'll stick out like a sore thumb if you use the slang, but it is good to be in the know! 

The Genesis creation narrative tells us that after creating humankind both male and female in His own image, God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.” This creation mandate reveals God's intentions for His image-bearers. New research conducted by the Pew Research Center indicates that for today's teenagers ages thirteen to seventeen, getting married and having kids is not a top priority. In fact, eighty-six percent of the respondents say that it's extremely or very important for them to have a job or career they enjoy and which brings financial success when they reach adulthood. Only thirty-six percent said that they cared about getting married, and just thirty percent say it's important to have children. With the cultural tide moving in this direction, perhaps we need to do a better job of teaching about God's heart and design for the family, teaching them that having and raising children is a high privilege and high calling!

With so many people watching and talking about the Netflix four-part drama series, Adolescence, one of the issues raised by the series is what is called incel culture. Incel, spelled i-n-c-e-l, stands for involuntary celibate. In the show, parents and adults working to understand what's behind the murder committed by thirteen-year-old Jamie Miller partially attribute his actions to incel culture. As he is bullied online by both male and female peers, Jamie describes himself as ugly, and is grappling with the fact that he is destined for a life without a girlfriend and will likely remain a virgin. Because this not what he desires, he sees himself as an incel, and the moniker is used negatively by others as a way to bully him. Jamie himself is radicalized by the online incel culture which propagates hatred, misogyny, and self-pity. Parents, you need to know that these things exist in the unseen underbelly of youth culture, and we need to answer all these matters with the truths of the Gospel.

One of the biggest mistakes we make as parents is basing our happiness and emotional well-being on our kids' happiness and emotional well-being. When we do this, we're just setting ourselves up for disappointment. We've learned that even though we began our parenting adventure with a wonderfully written script that included no difficulties, bumps, or bruises, God had a different script for us to live. His script wasn't 100% percent happy like ours. While it was difficult for us, we learned that God gives us and our kids the opportunity to struggle through life so that we might grow and mature. If we were all to base our happiness on how well things were going with our kids. . . well, we'd all wind up spending time being miserable people. The Apostle Paul laid out a better way. . . in fact, it's the right way. He writes in Romans 12, “Base your happiness on your hope in Christ. When trials come endure them patiently, steadfastly maintain the habit of prayer” 

Listen to these words from detransitioner Laura Perry Smalts in a recent Salvo Magazine article: “If I had known in 2007 that God's creation of male and female was not only good but impossible to alter, I would have saved myself a tremendous amount of pain and suffering. At the time, I would have repeated the typical cultural catchphrase that I was born this way. I believed I was a man trapped in a woman's body and that the only way I could be myself was to transition from female to male.” Laura Perry Smalts goes on to tell her story of transition, and how she came to the realization that she had been wrong, leading to a detransition. Her words are so helpful: “God said to me, “You cannot love me and yet reject my creation. Then I heard him say, Let me tell you who you are. In that moment, my whole idea of identity shifted from what I wanted to be, to who wanting to know who I was created to be.” Thank you Laura Perry Smalts, for reminding us of where to find our identity!

Fifty years ago there was little or no knowledge among teenagers about eating disorders like anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. In today's image-obsessed and social-media saturated world, the great majority of our kids not only stress over their appearance, but many are struggling with body dysmorphia, which is defined as a mental health condition in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance. New data from a study of thirty-nine-thousand adolescents ages fourteen to eighteen reports that the dominant factor raising the risk of self-harm, including suicide, is one's perception regarding their weight. Our kids are being hammered by a constant diet of marketing images and social media posts which leave them feeling inadequate and less than. As Christian parents, we must affirm their standing as loved divine-image bearers, emphasizing the fact that God looks on the inside, not the outside. Our identity is not to be found in appearance.

Biola University theology professor Thaddeus J. Williams has written a great book on living in today's culture titled, “Don't Follow Your Heart: Boldly Breaking The Ten Commandments of Self-Worship.” Williams enlightens readers, young and old, on how to identify the cultural lies we so easily believe, all of which are cultural lies that point us in the direction of worshipping and serving ourselves, rather than worshipping and serving God. Share these timely words from Williams with your kids: “ The more you worship yourself, the less you become your self. You become a shadow, a specter, and unself. The longer and deeper you stare into the mirror, looking for answers, the more it will feel like looking at Edvard Munch's “the Scream.” This is the strange paradox of self-worship. Why? It's simple. You were not designed to be the center point of your own psyche. You are not God. Self-deification is a bust.” Teach your children that have been made to worship God.

I remember one of the great heartaches of my own adolescent years was a battle with face acne. I was raised in family where time and regular face-washing was seen as the remedy to something I dreamed I would one day grow out of. In today's social-media-fueled image and appearance conscious world, teenagers have a host of preventive and treatment options at their fingertips. I recently discovered one of those remedies while making small talk with a twenty-something ticket agent at an airport. I asked her about the bright blue star sticker she displayed prominently on her cheek. “Oh!” she said without hesitation. “That's a pimple patch!” Chances are you'll see more of these medicated decorative accessories. Now you know what they are! Bear with me here when I suggest these patches offer us a teachable moment. From a theological perspective, we can reference these as remedies to deal with the effects of human sin and brokenness that appear even on our skin.

If they would be honest with us, our kids would tell us that their feelings and emotions serve far too often as their guide for life. Not surprisingly, today's culture encourages this kind of feeling-driven living. To be honest, being driven by feelings and emotions is not just an issue for our kids. What a shame it would be if history remembered our generation of Christian parents as people who didn't do anything to help their kids listen to God instead of their windblown emotions. Feelings should never eclipse God's truth. We must walk our teens through the Scriptures to show them examples of people who allowed their emotions to eclipse the truth, and then suffered the consequences. This includes people like David with Bathsheba, Lot's wife, and Ananias and Sapphira. One way that we can help our kids see the dangers of feelings is by walking them through the stories of our own lives by sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly regarding the feelings-based and truth-based choices we've made. 

The title of a recent article in Atlantic magazine caught my eye. It reads, “the elite college students who can't read books to read a book in college it helps to have read a book in high school.” In the article, Rose Horowitch writes that many students no longer arrive at college, even at highly selective elite colleges, prepared to read books. In her research she found that it's not that students don't want to do the reading. It's that they don't know how. Middle and high schools have stopped asking them to. She writes that in 1976 about 40% of high school seniors said they had read at least six books for fun in the previous year, compared with 11.5% who hadn't read any. By 2022, those percentages had flipped. It's reasonable to assume that one reason for the decline in reading and reading aptitude is the smartphone. One maxim that I heard years ago is this, readers are leaders and leaders are readers. Parents, we encourage you to get your kids to put down the phones and pick up a book.

I often find that when I'm with a group of parents teaching them about today's youth culture, many wonder if their kids have any interest at all in talking about the Christian Faith, the Bible, and Jesus Christ. There's a commonly held belief that with all the attractive things the world has to offer, kids just don't want to have anything to do with conversations about God. But because we know that all of these other distractions offered by the world can never fulfill one's created purpose to know God, our kids are left feeling empty. I often say that a youth culture landscape littered with brokenness is a landscape ripe for the Gospel. New research from the Barna group should be encouraging to parents who want to see their kids come to know and serve Jesus Christ. In fact, seventy-seven percent of teens are to open to having conversations about God. Should we be surprised? A child's spiritual hunger will continue to grow if they are not filled by experiencing new life in Jesus Christ!

I remember being a young kid and singing these words in church: "Are you weak and heavy-laden? Burdened with a load of care?" As parents, there have been times when all of us have had to honestly answer "Yes". At other times, the "Yes" comes from dear friends who are locked into periods of unimaginable burden-bearing. Difficulty is to be expected as we are all sinners living in a broken world. If you take the time to read Hebrews 12 you will find words on sonship and the Lord's discipline. God disciplines those He loves. We are reminded that while we may be feeling crushed by the weight of our present burdens, God is present and at work. Remember the words of Hebrews 12:11 - "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Parents, remember that while you are parenting your children, God is parenting and forming you, especially during the hard times.

With loneliness off the charts for kids in today's world, we can reasonably conclude that more time looking at screens means less time with others. In her new book “the extinction of experience: being human in a disembodied world”, Christine Rosen writes, “A decade ago, a book about how technology is changing us would offer solutions for a more balanced relationship with our devices, such as take a digital Sabbath, avoid multitasking, and put those phones away at the dinner table! These are no longer enough.” Rosen suggests an Amish approach to technology, where we work to cultivate a robust skepticism about each new device and app, even if most of us will not be as strict as the Amish in rejecting them. She writes, “The Amish asked the right questions before embracing something new: how will this impact our community? Is it good for families? Does it support or undermine our values?” Parents, Are you asking these questions as you think about the role technology will play in your family?

Do you remember your own middle school years? For most of us, it seemed brutal. Some things never change. Young peers can create, find, and point out all kinds of negative things in ways that are now sometimes defined as “bullying” or “harassment.” But if your home is place of refuge from that craziness, you will be instilling a healthy sense of resiliency that can sustain your kids through the pressure. One way to do this is to take the opposite approach of their peers. . . who are all too quick to point out and celebrate deficiencies. Look for and encourage your teen to develop their God-given gifts and abilities. Complement them on their successes. Point out their strengths. We need to be parents who are encouragers rather than discouragers. And, as we encourage our kids to develop their gifts, remind them of the importance of excellence. Exercising and developing one's gifts and abilities is ultimately an act of worship. See and celebrate the uniqueness God has placed in your kids.

Over the years, teen culture has seen many slang terms come and go as negative references to girls who it is assumed promiscuously sleep around. Now, there's a new derogatory term that's being used to bully and shame someone for engaging in allegedly promiscuous behavior. The term is “lala-bop”, or simply “bop.”. It originated in a 2021 sexually explicit song from rapper Almighty Rexxo. Social media bullies will use the term on TikTok and X as a way to label and demean girls, accusing them of sleeping around and being passed from guy to guy. The trend has become so common that schools are now taking steps to inform parents of the trend. In years past this trend has also been termed “slut-shaming.” We all know that our girls can be especially unkind to each other, especially during the middle school years. We would do well to warn our kids that this is not a behavior they should engage in, nor should they bully others. Instead, they are to treat each other with Christ-like kindness.

A recent article in the first things journal, parents can't fight porn alone, tells the story of a 19 year old girl named Maddie and how she got wrapped up in a pornography addiction. Maddie grew up in a faith-based home and she had parents who were constantly paying attention to the dangers of technology, while monitoring where Maddie was spending her time. Her parents had put filters on her devices and they asked her to hand in her phone every night. Still, Maddie found pornography for the first time on her social media feed when she was only 13 years old. Curious about what she saw, she continued to dig further into the world of porn and learned how to bypass the parental controls her parents had put on the phone. This led to an addiction that lasted five years. Why did Maddie tell her story to first things? She wants parents to wake up and understand that kids are seeing porn on their phones all the time. Parents are you taking steps to monitor your children and warn them about porn?

In her helpful book, Teens and Suicide, Recognizing the Signs and Sharing Hope, Christian counselor Julie Lowe lists ten reasons we should give our teens for why life is worth living. They are ten messages rooted in the Gospel that each of us need to hear on a regular basis. What are they? You are not alone. You have value. You are greatly loved. You can find help. Your life has purpose. You will not always feel this way. There is a good way forward, even when life is hard. You are more than your outward appearance. God is up to good in your life. And finally, you will not be put to shame. Julie tells us that we want to help our kids see that the Bible speaks of far more than correction and rules. The bible speaks of life, freedom, and personal relationship with a God who knows what is going on in their lives. We must winsomely and convincingly speak these truths into the lives and experiences of our children and teens. Fill their wells with the Good News about Jesus Christ and His love.

I recently logged onto the replica.com website and was greeted by a smiling AI created female face, and an invitation to create my own personal AI friend. The opening screen asked me if I was a woman, a man, or a non-binary person. Answering these questions is the first step on the journey to have Replika create a virtual chatbot friend. Users who remain on the free version of the platform can create a virtual friend, while those who opt to pay a subscription fee are offered a partner, spouse, sibling, or mentor. Sixty percent of the paid subscribers report having a romantic relationship with the chatbot. There are many reasons for us to not only know about these chatbot relationships, but to be concerned. With loneliness, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues on the rise, more and more of our kids have been and will be opting into these virtual relationships. This reminds us of our need to point kids to a relationship with Jesus, and real human relationships with friends and family.

Parents, today I want to encourage you to take an active interest in those things that interest your children and teens. This is an easy one if you and your teen share the same interests. But what happens if you're a left-brained parent raising a right-brained kid? We once heard a parent complain that his son didn't share his love for canoeing. Consequently, he didn't think there'd ever be anything he could do with his son. Sadly, it never crossed the frustrated father's mind that he could enter into his son's world and life by pursuing one of his son's interests. Maybe we should all think about putting some of our own interests aside for a few years, so that we have more time to pursue the interests of our kids with our kids. Taking an interest in their interests not only allows us to spend much-needed time with our kids, but opens up opportunities to communicate, builds our relationship, and lets us discover and celebrate their gifts and abilities. Take an interest in their interests!

I recently read an interesting article about teenagers in central florida who have become interested in bird-watching. Now if you're like me, you have never assumed that bird-watching would become a hobby growing in popularity among teenagers. But it appears that for this group of kids, taking walks outside during the Covid epidemic had them paying more attention to the world of nature, with many of them accumulating notes and photos on the birds they were seeing. This sounds to me like a positive outcome from Covid, as kids were spending less time inside with their eyes focused on screens, and more time outside looking at the created order. Perhaps all of us need to provide opportunities for our kids to get outside to see and understand what Psalm nineteen one tells us: “that the heavens declare the glory of God and the skies proclaim the works of his hands.” God's glory is all around us, screaming the reality of His presence, mercy, and love. Let's encourage our kids to see it!

“What has Jane Fonda done to her face?” Someone asked that question on social media after the eighty-seven year old actress was featured prominently in photos and videos from the screen actors guild award show. Fonda did not look like your average almost ninety year old woman. She was one of many high profile celebrities who have had cosmetic surgery of a variety of types in an effort to thwart the effects of time on the human body in order to maintain an appearance of youthfulness. Have you noticed the growing number of people who appear, as they say, to look like they've had work done? This trend will only continue as we seek to find our identity not in who we are in terms of our inward character, but in outward appearance. Reports show that more and more teens are opting for non-surgical and surgical cosmetic procedures. Friends, if we are to be new creations, as Paul says in second Corinthians, it is only through being born again through faith in Jesus Christ.

In today's world, generally speaking, the exorbitant amount of time and money spent on wedding preparations are not funneled into getting a couple ready for everything that comes after the ceremony and reception, but rather on things that are what might be called “showy”, like rings, dresses, flowers, food, photos, bands, etc. The trend seems to be to spend everything on the day, rather than the lifetime that follows.This cultural trend is one that needs to be reersed. In a social media saturated world where we see ourselves as performers and function as such, even marriages have paid a steep price. And, if this is what our kids grow up believing a marriage really is, then we've done them a huge dis-service as we've nurtured them into either a rude awakening for which they are not prepared, or even marital failure. Parents, youth workers, and pastors, we need to do better. Teach your children about God's design for marriage, conflict-resolution, and life-time commitment.

What happens when a group of teenagers go without their smartphones for four weeks? Journalist Decca Aitkenhead found out when she devised an experiment to ban her two sons and eight of their friends from using their phones for four weeks. Initially, as you might imagine, there were protests. “You've got to joking” said fourteen year old Jake. But after the four weeks of allowing only one hour a day on a smartphone and the other twenty-three hours on a call and text only Light Phone, you need to hear what the kids had to say. One of the teens said, “Thank you so much for including me in this. It was way better than I expected it. I'm really glad I did it.” Another 14-year -old, admitting that he struggled at first, said, “But then, you begin to notice things. You start to see what's going on on your smartphone doesn't matter. You'll never say on your deathbed, I wish I'd spent more time on my phone.” Parents, why not arrange a smartphone sabbath for your kids?

As a father and now grandfather, I often think about the wise words of instruction found in Proverbs twenty-two, six. “Train up a child in the way he should go; and even when he is old he will no depart from it.” Training our children is not a once and done task. Rather, it is an ongoing project that in many ways lasts a lifetime. Neither is the training we are called to only verbal in nature. While the verbal instruction is necessary, equally necessary is the example we pass on to our kids. Let me share with you some great wisdom from the Puritans on the power of example. John Boys writes, “If both horse and mare trot, the colt will not amble.” Consider these words from Thomas Brooks: “Example is the most powerful rhetoric.” If we are to raise and train our children to follow the Lord, we must be eagerly following Him with every ounce of our lives. Remember, Jesus has called us to deny ourselves and follow Him. A heritage of faith is the most valuable inheritance we can pass on to our kids.

A couple of years I heard some very challenging words from the parents of a ten-year-old girl. They were part of a roomful of parents attending a seminar where I was speaking about kids, technology, and social media. At the end of the evening I asked if anyone had any questions. The young father raised his hand and said this. “A year ago we got our ten-year-old daughter a smartphone thinking that we were being good parents by protecting her from danger. But we have realized that we weren't protecting her from danger, but actually putting a greater danger in her hands.” The parents were now thinking about how to pull back and remove the device that had very quickly become a time-consuming distraction and addiction. I'm sharing this father's words with you for you to think about as you consider if and when you will put a smartphone in the hands of your child. Proverbs 27:12 tells us, “The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.”

While on a recent speaking trip down south, I got up early on a Saturday morning and walked to the only restaurant open for breakfast at that time in the morning. I was greeted by the teenage clerk with a loud and hearty “Welcome!”, something you don't hear much at five am from anyone anywhere. A few pleasantries were exchanged with him and I ordered my food. Thinking I was going to pay with a card, he pointed down to the terminal where I was being asked about adding a tip. “Oh, I'm paying with cash,” I said. I handed him a ten dollar bill and said, “Keep the rest for you and your crew.” He was overjoyed. Oops. I then realized that I hadn't given him a ten, but a twenty! There was no back-pedaling on my part. He called the entire crew out and they thanked me effusively for the two hundred percent tip! Their joy gave me joy, and I was reminded that all work matters to God. There is no such thing as menial work, and we must value everyone, regardless of their job or status. 

Have you heard about the social media fueled appearance trend known as  “looksmaxxing”? That's spelled l-o-o-k-s-m-a-x-x-i-n-g. The term originated in online communities centered around what's known as the involuntary celibate, or “incil” for short, cohort of young males. Incels would like to be in romantic and sexual relationships, but they blame women for their celibate status, primarily caused by the fact that women don't find them attractive. So they engage in looksmaxxing, which is the process of maximizing their own physical attractiveness. Softmaxxing efforts include hair care, skin care, diet, and exercise. Hardmaxxing involves more radical interventions like plastic surgery. Parents, appearance pressure is real. Help your kids understand that nobody can meet these narrow and unrealistic standards, and that they must rest their identity in who they are as adopted sons and daughters of God. God is a God who looks on the heart, not on the outward appearance.