Youth Culture Today with Walt Mueller

All this week we're looking at how to help our kids see and run from the idol of materialism. We need to teach them that the accumulation of things will never satisfy their deepest yearnings and desires. They need to know that they have been created by God for a relationship with God. Sin has broken that relationship, leaving us all spiritually empty and hungering for redemption and restoration. The Book of Ecclesiastes tells us that we have eternity in our hearts, which means that our yearnings can only be answered and filled by God. Only God can fill the hole in our souls. God cares deeply about our attitudes towards money and wealth. Did you know that more is said in the New Testament about money and wealth than about heaven and hell combined? Five times more is said about money than about prayer. And sixteen of Christ's thirty-eight parables deal with money. All of us need to realize that the love of money and and things can consume us, keeping us from living to God's honor and glory.

All this week we're looking at how to push back on the idol of materialism. Materialism is fed by a marketing machine that it is estimated now spends seventeen billion to twenty billion dollars on marketing to children and teens, a number that is projected to increase significantly on an annual basis over the coming years. It's conservatively estimated that by the time they reach the age of eighteen, our kids will easily have seen over a million ads. We must consider the fact that as materialism, marketing, and spending power has been on the rise, there's been a parallel decline in the mental health and well-being of children and teens. Anxiety, stress, body-image issues, depression, loneliness, suicide, and a host of other mental health problems are being fed by the combination of a desire to have more, and the realization that your gnawing emptiness means you will never have enough. Listen in tomorrow as we look at what God's Word says about the idol of materialism.

All of us, parents and kids alike, are swimming in a cultural soup which promotes materialism. We are encouraged hundreds of times a day to hinge our happiness and fulfillment in the ongoing accumulation of as much as we possibly can. As Christians, we need to not only recognize this fact, but we need to take steps to understand how we are drawn to this pervasive idol so that we might smash it to pieces, and raise our kids to love and serve Jesus Christ above all else. Materialism is defined as “the belief that money, possessions and physical comforts are more important than spiritual values”, and “a preoccupation with or stress upon material rather than intellectual or spiritual things”. In today's world, the pervasive presence of marketing has coupled with spiritual emptiness to convince us that it is through the accumulation of money and possessions that one finds the pathway to happiness, satisfaction, security, and joy in life. Listen all week as we look at how to push back on materialism.

One of the most effective ways to get our kids to look critically and Christianly through eyes of faith at their rapidly changing culture is to help them understand and apply the truths of God's Word. In fact, this ranks right up there as job number one as we take on our responsibility to nurture our children and teens in the faith. One particularly helpful practice is to sit together in church in order to listen to the Word of God preached in the sermon. The practice of taking notes is one we should both model and teach to our kids. Then, each and every week, use the drive home or a time together later in the day to ask a question or two of everyone in the family. Here are some basic questions to get you started. What's one new thing you learned about Jesus or God? What was the big idea that the pastor was communicating? Was there anything you didn't understand or found confusing? What does what we heard in the sermon mean for our lives? Do your kids a favor, and help them to listen, learn, and apply.

Here's a warning to parents from Union University's Phil Davignon. In a Touchstone article on increased secularization, he says we should be concerned about the influence of media content on our kids, but at the same time we let our kids watch all kinds of things online. He writes, “It is an open secret that the design for these apps relies on the same principles as casinos do. Psychologists suggest that using the language of addiction is no mere metaphor, since apps such as TikTok efficiently deliver a dopamine hit, leaving people craving more. Christian parents may prefer content-neutral social media to films with foul language, but doing so fails to recognize that form matters. Christians are people of the Word. To love God means to cultivate a mind that attends to God's presence in the Word of Scripture and the Logos of Creation. The TikTok generation is losing the capability to attend to anything of substance, as their minds become accustomed to a steady stream of online diversions.” 

When we can't act responsibly, behaving ourselves in ways that don't risk danger to others and ourselves, outside intervention is needed so that the most vulnerable are protected. For several years now we've been talking about the out-of-control idolatry of youth sports, a reality that puts incredible pressure on our kids, costs vast amounts of time and money, and can lead to all kinds physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual problems. While sports is a good thing when experienced as one part of a child's balanced life, we've made them an ultimate thing, and it's costing our kids, our families, and our culture dearly. Kids feel the anxiety from the pressure to perform, while parents allow themselves the anxiety of paying exorbitant amounts of money for kids to participate. Now Congress is intervening to stop what's being labeled as a crisis in youth sports that is exacting great costs both now and in the future. Parents, let's remember that the most important thing is pointing our kids to Jesus.

I just don't know who or what to believe anymore! Have you ever found yourself thinking or saying this out loud regarding what you encounter or social media. With advances in AI generated content and the ways in which we as individual users can create content on social media, those of us who are concerned about the accuracy of what we see oftentimes leaves us scratching our heads while muttering, “Is that true?” The reality is that we are living in a world where the prevalence of falsehood is on the rise, as well as the chances for each of us to be scammed or duped. A new report from the Pew Research Center tells us that a fifth of U.S. adults now regularly get their news on TikTok, a figure which is up sharply since 2020. In fact, forty-three percent of adults under the age of thirty say they regularly get their news from TikTok, which is up from nine percent in 2020. While we can't tell you where to go to find trusted truth online, we can tell you to beware, and to warn your kids to do the same.

We just celebrated Valentine's Day, that holiday that's traditionally filled with red hearts, cupid's arrows, rose bouquets, and chocolates. Many of our younger kids had the opportunity to share those cute little Valentine's Day cards with their classmates. I remember bringing home  a bag filled with twenty to thirty cards every year when I was a kid. And while Valentine's Day was all about love, I have to admit that my young mind really didn't understand what romantic love actually was. How about taking some time this week to throw out these questions at the dinner table in order to give all your kids an opportunity to truly understand romantic love. How did God lead you to the person you married? What is one piece of marriage advice that you think it's important for kids to hear? How does the Bible define love versus what we see in the movies? How does a married couple stay together through difficult times? And what does God want us to know about marriage?

I remember being a young kid and singing these words in church: "Are you weak and heavy-laden? Burdened with a load of care?" As parents, there have been times when all of us have had to honestly answer "Yes". At other times, the "Yes" comes from dear friends who are locked into periods of unimaginable burden-bearing. Difficulty is to be expected as we are all sinners living in a broken world. If you take the time to read Hebrews 12 you will find words on sonship and the Lord's discipline. God disciplines those He loves. We are reminded that while we may be feeling crushed by the weight of our present burdens, God is present and at work. Remember the words of Hebrews 12:11 - "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Parents, remember that while you are parenting your children, God is parenting and forming you, especially during the hard times.

In the past, you've heard me talk about the epidemic of body dysmorphia which is spreading like wildfire thanks to social media. Body dysmorphia is defined as a mental disorder marked by an overwhelming and all-consuming preoccupation with a perceived flaw in one's appearance. One new subset is what's called muscle dysmorphia, a belief that one's body is too small, too skinny, and not muscular enough. This has also been called bigorexia, megarexia, and reverse anorexia. Mental health and medical experts are now warning that this is the latest eating disorder affecting our teens, as more and more teenagers, particularly our boys, are struggling with bigorexia. Much of this is being fueled by the presence of social media and the comparison it fosters, while promoting muscularity as a measure of one's value. We must help our kids understand that their identity is not to be found in what they look like. Rather, it's the value they already have in God's eyes that counts.

The Genesis creation narrative tells us that after creating humankind both male and female in His own image, God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.” This creation mandate reveals God's intentions for His image-bearers. New research conducted by the Pew Research Center indicates that for today's teenagers ages thirteen to seventeen, getting married and having kids is not a top priority. In fact, eighty-six percent of the respondents say that it's extremely or very important for them to have a job or career they enjoy and which brings financial success when they reach adulthood. Only thirty-six percent said that they cared about getting married, and just thirty percent say it's important to have children. With the cultural tide moving in this direction, perhaps we need to do a better job of teaching about God's heart and design for the family, teaching them that having and raising children is a high privilege and high calling!

Do you remember your own middle school years? For most of us, it seemed brutal. Some things never change. Young peers can create, find, and point out all kinds of negative things in ways that are now sometimes defined as “bullying” or “harassment.” But if your home is place of refuge from that craziness, you will be instilling a healthy sense of resiliency that can sustain your kids through the pressure. One way to do this is to take the opposite approach of their peers. . . who are all too quick to point out and celebrate deficiencies. Look for and encourage your teen to develop their God-given gifts and abilities. Complement them on their successes. Point out their strengths. We need to be parents who are encouragers rather than discouragers. And, as we encourage our kids to develop their gifts, remind them of the importance of excellence. Exercising and developing one's gifts and abilities is ultimately an act of worship. See and celebrate the uniqueness God has placed in your kids.

It is not enough to see our kids come to Jesus. Rather, our goal should be to lead them into walking with Jesus, both now and for the rest of their lives. Some three hundred and seventy five years ago, the Puritan pastor Jeremiah Burroughs wrote about what it means to walk with God. He wrote, "Walking with God is when we make God's will the rule of our will. The soul does what God does. What's the way of God but the way of holiness and righteousness, when the soul makes the will of God to be its own rule? I will not act on my own will. I will not act on anything but the will of God. What is it that God wills? Then I will the same thing. The soul walks the way God walks when it suits itself with God, when it sets the Lord as an example before it. This is to walk with God: to do as God does, to imitate God." Parents, God has willed that you be the one to nurture your children in the faith. You do so through your words and your actions. And there's not substitute for the example of your walk with God.

Recent research from Lifeway tells us that “the single greatest influence over spiritual health is regular Bible reading while growing up. Plainly put, the parents of young adults indicate that regular Bible reading as children yields the greatest influence over spiritual health.” Any of us who are Bible readers know this to be personally true, as the Holy Spirit works to change us, conforming us to the image of Christ as we read God's Word. And what could serve as a better example to our children than our time spent reading and studying the Bible, along with the time we spend reading the Bible together as a family. As an adult, I realize now that my greatest and most treasured memories are not those of family vacations or other family activities. Yes, those are great memories, but they don't hold the same value as those memories of habits and times that shaped my faith and who I am today. I'm grateful to my parents for their example as Bible readers who took God's Word seriously. 

As parents called by God to nurture our children through childhood and into a spiritually healthy adulthood, we have the responsibility to be keenly aware of and sensitive to electronic addiction in all of its forms. We must understand its threat, presence and impact. Consequently, we must be diligent in preparing both ourselves and our children to understand, process and live with electronic media in ways that bring honor and glory to God. UK communications regulation firm Ofcom says that we might not be doing a very good job in preventing electronic addiction. Their data shows that among five to seven year olds, sixty five percent are making voice or video calls, fifty percent are watching livestream apps and sites, forty one percent are gaming online, and thirty eight percent are using social media apps or sites. Parents, our habits are formative. Good habits form us, and bad habits deform us. Lead your kids into God's Word and World, rather than into electronic addiction.

In her helpful book, Teens and Suicide, Recognizing the Signs and Sharing Hope, Christian counselor Julie Lowe lists ten reasons we should give our teens for why life is worth living. They are ten messages rooted in the Gospel that each of us need to hear on a regular basis. What are they? You are not alone. You have value. You are greatly loved. You can find help. Your life has purpose. You will not always feel this way. There is a good way forward, even when life is hard. You are more than your outward appearance. God is up to good in your life. And finally, you will not be put to shame. Julie tells us that we want to help our kids see that the Bible speaks of far more than correction and rules. The bible speaks of life, freedom, and personal relationship with a God who knows what is going on in their lives. We must winsomely and convincingly speak these truths into the lives and experiences of our children and teens. Fill their wells with the Good News about Jesus Christ and His love.

In a recent article from the folks at Lifeway, I was reminded of the importance of training our kids to use physical paper Bibles rather than depending on our smartphones and other screens. We do know that when we read on a screen, we read differently than we do on the printed page. Screen-reading does not facilitate the kind of line-by-line deep reading that occurs on the printed page. In the article, Tim Pollard from Lifeway offers up some helpful reasons for using a paper Bible. He says it makes the Bible physical and tangible. It minimizes distractions. The text is prevented from changing. A paper Bible doesn't run out of battery. It reinforces the sanctity of the Scriptures. Memory is enhanced. Readers can see how the canon of Scripture is organized and how the books of the Bible are structured, which provides context for what we are reading. In addition, it facilitates focus and note-taking. Here at CPYU we encourage you and your kids to use a physical, ink-on-paper Bible!

I've had numerous conversations over the years with parents who have received troubling phone calls where they are given bad news about a child. Some parents have told me that after a few of these calls, they become like Pavlov's dog, being triggered into anxiety and fear by the ring of the phone, even though there's no reason to believe that the caller is calling with more bad news. Mental health professionals are now reporting on a similar trend among young people that's been labeled “telephobia”, which is a fear of phone calls sparked by social anxiety. Counselor Stephanie Wiijkstrom explains it this way: “In our digital age, texting and online messaging serve as our primary modes of communication, and we often feel less vulnerable and more comfortable than in a live conversation or phone call.” Parents, this is a consequence of our digital age, and we need to reverse this by involving our kids in verbal interactions and conversations with others from the time their born.

With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we've spent all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. Today I want to share a strategy that can push back against social anxiety, which is one of the most prominent forms of anxiety we hear about in the youth population. While it's essential that we all involve ourselves in Christian fellowship with other members of the body of Christ, it's especially helpful for our kids to be assimilated into two specific groups. First, involvement in a caring Christian youth group community provides shelter from the pressures of the larger real-life peer group and the virtual peer group found on social media. And second, our kids need to be integrated into the larger body of Christ where they can interact with a variety of caring adults. Never underestimate the power of Christian community to foster healthy spiritual growth and development. Your kids were made for it.

With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we're spending all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. Research is showing that one of the greatest catalysts for anxiety is immersion in social media. The use of technology has created an expectation that things should happen fast, in fact, immediately. When technology slows or we don't get an immediate response we become anxious. Social media also sets up unrealistic standards for physical appearance and beauty. Consequently, kids and adults anxiously fabricate and curate images of self that aren't even close to being honest. We become anxious if we can't hit the standard. And, we fear being found out and seen for who we really are. Finally, when our kids have their faces constantly buried in their devices, they miss out on the flourishing that comes with living in the real world. Social media is not all bad. But too much leads to anxiety.

With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we're spending all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. One of the best ways to prevent anxiety is to stop overscheduling your kids. Research on today's culture points to the fact that our kids are so over-involved and feeling such incredible pressure to achieve at the highest levels in all of their activities, that they are crumbling under the pressure. One way to push back is to be sure that your kids are eating right, getting enough exercise, and sleeping nightly for the nine hours and fifteen minutes of uninterrupted sleep that's necessary for healthy growth and development. In addition, we must recognize the fact that God made us for a rhythm of work and rest. This includes the need for a Sabbath. What would happen if we recovered the practice of taking one day a week to rest? I'm sure we would see a decline in anxiety.

With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we're spending all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. One important step we can take is to teach our kids that the nature of living the Christian life is like running a race. The writer of Hebrews tells us to run with perseverance the race marked out for us. And, as we run and struggle and even stumble at times, we are to fix our eyes on Jesus, who is the pioneer and perfector of our faith. In my own life, one of the greatest causes of anxiety is the tendency to take my eyes off of Christ and to place them onto the temporary matters of life that can consume my thoughts and energies. Instead, we are instructed to look away from these idols and focus our gaze straight ahead to the one who waits for us at the finish line. Teach your kids to keep from looking side to side in the comparison game that only leads to fear and anxiety.

With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, I want to spend this week offering some strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. Perhaps the most effective strategy is to teach them to preach the Gospel to themselves. Teach them to speak to their hearts, telling their hearts to follow the Gospel rather than allowing their hearts to speak to them. You see, our feelings are not trustworthy. They can lead us astray. They are especially dangerous during times of emotional highs and lows. While the mantra of today's culture is “follow and trust your heart,” the mantra for the Christian should be “follow and trust the Gospel.” I have found the words of this old hymn to be helpful: “God is God, he sees and hears, all our troubles, all our tears. Soul forget not, ‘mid your pains, God o'er all forever reigns. Fear not Death nor Satan's thrusts, God defends who in Him trusts. Soul, remember in your pains, God o'er all forever reigns!”

I often find that when I'm with a group of parents teaching them about today's youth culture, many wonder if their kids have any interest at all in talking about the Christian Faith, the Bible, and Jesus Christ. There's a commonly held belief that with all the attractive things the world has to offer, kids just don't want to have anything to do with conversations about God. But because we know that all of these other distractions offered by the world can never fulfill one's created purpose to know God, our kids are left feeling empty. I often say that a youth culture landscape littered with brokenness is a landscape ripe for the Gospel. New research from the Barna group should be encouraging to parents who want to see their kids come to know and serve Jesus Christ. In fact, seventy-seven percent of teens are to open to having conversations about God. Should we be surprised? A child's spiritual hunger will continue to grow if they are not filled by experiencing new life in Jesus Christ!

I recently read an editorial piece written by Steve Rosenbaum of The Sustainable Media Center. The title of his piece caught my eye: “Snap, Shame, Repeat: Inside the New Adolescent Reality.” Rosenbaum writes these words: “Social media hasn't just reshaped adolescence – it has reprogrammed it. And we are only now starting to realize how deep the damage goes.” He recounts reading a headline in The Guardian which he says stopped him in his tracks. The headline? “If there's a problem with boys' behavior, it's because of us.” Rosenbaum goes on to say that the “us” are adults, the platforms, the regulators, the educators, the media architects, and the investors. These are the people and institutions which have built social media into the destructive force that it is. But I would add one more group to that list of problem-makers. It's us, the parents. If we fail to see the dangers out there and then take steps to protect our kids, we have not lived up to our God-given parental responsibilities.

One of the biggest mistakes we make as parents is basing our happiness and emotional well-being on our kids' happiness and emotional well-being. When we do this, we're just setting ourselves up for disappointment. We've learned that even though we began our parenting adventure with a wonderfully written script that included no difficulties, bumps, or bruises, God had a different script for us to live. His script wasn't 100% percent happy like ours. While it was difficult for us, we learned that God gives us and our kids the opportunity to struggle through life so that we might grow and mature. If we were all to base our happiness on how well things were going with our kids. . . well, we'd all wind up spending time being miserable people. The Apostle Paul laid out a better way. . . in fact, it's the right way. He writes in Romans 12, “Base your happiness on your hope in Christ. When trials come endure them patiently, steadfastly maintain the habit of prayer” 

In today's world, generally speaking, the exorbitant amount of time and money spent on wedding preparations are not funneled into getting a couple ready for everything that comes after the ceremony and reception, but rather on things that are what might be called “showy”, like rings, dresses, flowers, food, photos, bands, etc. The trend seems to be to spend everything on the day, rather than the lifetime that follows. This cultural trend is one that needs to be reversed. In a social media saturated world where we see ourselves as performers and function as such, even marriages have paid a steep price. And, if this is what our kids grow up believing a marriage really is, then we've done them a huge dis-service as we've nurtured them into either a rude awakening for which they are not prepared, or even marital failure. Parents, youth workers, and pastors, we need to do better. Teach your children about God's design for marriage, conflict-resolution, and life-time commitment.

With loneliness off the charts for kids in today's world, we can reasonably conclude that more time looking at screens means less time with others. In her new book “the extinction of experience: being human in a disembodied world”, Christine Rosen writes, “A decade ago, a book about how technology is changing us would offer solutions for a more balanced relationship with our devices, such as take a digital Sabbath, avoid multitasking, and put those phones away at the dinner table! These are no longer enough.” Rosen suggests an Amish approach to technology, where we work to cultivate a robust skepticism about each new device and app, even if most of us will not be as strict as the Amish in rejecting them. She writes, “The Amish asked the right questions before embracing something new: how will this impact our community? Is it good for families? Does it support or undermine our values?” Parents, Are you asking these questions as you think about the role technology will play in your family?

Those of us who are followers of Jesus Christ are called to bear each others burdens. We are to pray for each other. As friends, we are to love at all times and be there for others during their times of adversity. One thing I've learned as I've spent time with Christian kids is that so many of them battle with loneliness, anxiety, and depression. Even though they are followers of Christ, their adolescent struggles seem to be no different than the struggles faced by their non-believing peers. We are being told that the mental health crisis among our kids is reaching epidemic proportions, and almost two in five teens say they are not getting the support they need. Of course, those of us who are parents need to be more diligent in our efforts to nurture our kids in the faith and support them in any way we can. But there's a role the larger body of Christ must play. You may not have teens of your own, but you can and must endeavor to support the kids in your church through your prayers and presence. 

Parents, today I want to encourage you to take an active interest in those things that interest your children and teens. This is an easy one if you and your teen share the same interests. But what happens if you're a left-brained parent raising a right-brained kid? We once heard a parent complain that his son didn't share his love for canoeing. Consequently, he didn't think there'd ever be anything he could do with his son. Sadly, it never crossed the frustrated father's mind that he could enter into his son's world and life by pursuing one of his son's interests. Maybe we should all think about putting some of our own interests aside for a few years, so that we have more time to pursue the interests of our kids with our kids. Taking an interest in their interests not only allows us to spend much-needed time with our kids, but opens up opportunities to communicate, builds our relationship, and lets us discover and celebrate their gifts and abilities. Take an interest in their interests!

Most of us can remember those pit-in-the-stomach times we experienced as teenagers when we realized we had been left out. I remember a summer day in the neighborhood when I couldn't find any of my friends at home. I couldn't figure out why they were all gone until somebody spilled the beans later, telling me that they had all been invited to go to a home in another neighborhood to swim in the families' pool. Truth be told, I felt like a loser. The journal Frontiers in Digital Health reports that for kids living in today's social media world, the feelings I felt on that one summer day occur far more frequently, as our kids see visual and story content recounting activities and gatherings of friends from which they've been excluded. This ramps up feelings of exclusion, jealousy, and rejection. Researchers say this is feeding emotional stress and creating interpersonal conflict. Let's use these moments to teach our kids to handle disappointment and conflict with the kindness and grace of Jesus Christ. 

Sometimes the circumstances in our own lives and the stresses of raising and living with teens in today's rapidly changing culture can become overwhelming, paralyzing, and detrimental to our spiritual and emotional wellbeing. When that happens, we're not doing anyone any favors if we continue to spiral down out of control. If our normal support systems aren't enough to carry us through, then it's time to seek some outside help. . . maybe even some professional counseling. One or two sessions with a trained and competent Christian counselor may be enough to provide you with the guidance and support you need to get back on the right course. Perhaps long-term counseling is needed. Ask your pastor or a trusted friend to recommend a Christian counselor. Going to counseling isn't an admission that you're weak. A counselor can offer an unbiased perspective, and give you guidance that will lead to wholeness and healing.

The latest report from the Pew Research Center not only helps us understand where our teens ages thirteen to seventeen are spending time online, but should light a fire under us to exercise diligence and regularity about helping our teens practice what we call digital discipleship. It's not surprising that YouTube is hands down the most used online platforms for kids, with nine out of ten saying they use the site. Seventy three percent of our thirteen to seventeen year olds say they visit YouTube daily. Six in ten say they visit the TikTok video site daily. With our kids consuming so much video content on a daily basis, we need to teach them to use wisdom and discernment regarding what they see, along with limiting the amount of time they spend scrolling through videos. Ask them about what they are seeing. Ask them to share what they see with you. And train them to embrace content that furthers their faith, while avoiding that which is not good, true, and honorable.

If they would be honest with us, our kids would tell us that their feelings and emotions serve far too often as their guide for life. Not surprisingly, today's culture encourages this kind of feeling-driven living. To be honest, being driven by feelings and emotions is not just an issue for our kids. What a shame it would be if history remembered our generation of Christian parents as people who didn't do anything to help their kids listen to God instead of their windblown emotions. Feelings should never eclipse God's truth. We must walk our teens through the Scriptures to show them examples of people who allowed their emotions to eclipse the truth, and then suffered the consequences. This includes people like David with Bathsheba, Lot's wife, and Ananias and Sapphira. One way that we can help our kids see the dangers of feelings is by walking them through the stories of our own lives by sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly regarding the feelings-based and truth-based choices we've made. 

The moment I turned sixteen years-old, my top priority in life was to get my driver's license. Armed with my brand new learner's permit, I couldn't get enough practice time in on the road. And when I passed my driver's test on the first try, there was a feeling of freedom and liberation I experienced that I look back on as a major rite of passage. As I think back, I don't remember one high school peer who didn't think as I did, and we all were eager to get that signifier of being one-step closer to full-fledged adulthood. But something's changed. Researchers tell us that almost forty percent of teens delay getting their license by one or two years, and thirty percent are delaying by more than two years. What's driving this shift? (No pun intended!). Today's kids say they're overscheduled and too busy, they are staying home and socializing online, and some are too depressed and anxious to drive. If your kids are holding off for any of these reasons, take steps to ease the unwarranted pressures which they find paralyzing.

One of the questions we often hear from parents relates to the appropriate amount of screen time which they should allow for their kids. Generally speaking, research, surveys, and the observations of parents themselves indicate that our teens spend way too much time focused on their screens. This means that they are spending less time on what once were the normal activities of childhood, including things like outside play, socializing with friends, and spending time with family. Researchers in Sweden are reporting that kids ages twelve to sixteen who spend excessive time engaged with their screens experience multiple negative impacts on sleep, including decreased duration of sleep, decreased quality of sleep, delayed sleep until later hours, and greater incidence of depression. Let's be responsible parents who set and enforce strict time limits on screen time so that they will get the amount and kind of sleep for which God has made them.

As a father and now grandfather, I often think about the wise words of instruction found in Proverbs twenty-two, six. “Train up a child in the way he should go; and even when he is old he will no depart from it.” Training our children is not a once and done task. Rather, it is an ongoing project that in many ways lasts a lifetime. Neither is the training we are called to only verbal in nature. While the verbal instruction is necessary, equally necessary is the example we pass on to our kids. Let me share with you some great wisdom from the Puritans on the power of example. John Boys writes, “If both horse and mare trot, the colt will not amble.” Consider these words from Thomas Brooks: “Example is the most powerful rhetoric.” If we are to raise and train our children to follow the Lord, we must be eagerly following Him with every ounce of our lives. Remember, Jesus has called us to deny ourselves and follow Him. A heritage of faith is the most valuable inheritance we can pass on to our kids.

Fifty years ago there was little or no knowledge among teenagers about eating disorders like anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. In today's image-obsessed and social-media saturated world, the great majority of our kids not only stress over their appearance, but many are struggling with body dysmorphia, which is defined as a mental health condition in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance. New data from a study of thirty-nine-thousand adolescents ages fourteen to eighteen reports that the dominant factor raising the risk of self-harm, including suicide, is one's perception regarding their weight. Our kids are being hammered by a constant diet of marketing images and social media posts which leave them feeling inadequate and less than. As Christian parents, we must affirm their standing as loved divine-image bearers, emphasizing the fact that God looks on the inside, not the outside. Our identity is not to be found in appearance.

Even though we were once adolescents ourselves, the cloudy nature of those memories combines with a teenage world that's very different from the one we grew up in to leave us. . . well. . . pretty clueless. We need to go out of our way to learn about the uniqueness of living and growing as a teenager in today's world by asking good questions. . . . over and over and over again. Here are some questions to get you started: What changes is my child facing as he grows from a child into an adult? How can I support, love, and lead my teenager through these changes in a way that brings honor and glory to God? What must I do to build bridges into my teen's life that keep the lines of communication open? What makes my kid tick? What is their world like? What does my child find confusing at this point in her life? Why does she think and act the way she does? When it comes to our kids and their culture, what we don't know, don't want to know, or refuse to know, can hurt them. 

Parents, here's a challenge to adopt a new years resolution that has you bent on gaining weight. No, I'm not encouraging you to go against conventional new year's resolutions and decide to eat more so that the scale in your home goes on overload. Rather, I'm encouraging you to resolve to weigh yourself down each and every day with the life-giving good weight of ingesting more and more of God's Word into your mind and heart. As the great J.I. Packer once wrote, “Wisdom is divinely wrought in those, and those only, who apply themselves to God's revelation.” The Apostle Paul writes in Colossians 3:16, “let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, with all wisdom.” What we need to do is soak ourselves in the Scriptures on a daily basis. As you do that, God will form and conform you more and more into His image. And, not only will you be changed, but you will be better equipped to nurture you children and teens in the faith through your words and your example.

Parents, our God-given high calling and privilege is to raise and nurture our children in the Christian faith. Nothing is more important than that! The word “Catechesis” captures the reality of what it means to fulfill this responsibility. Catechesis is about teaching sound doctrine for sound living. In their book about catechesis, Grounded in the Gospel: Building Believers the Old Fashioned Way, J.I. Packer and Gary Parrett write, “Because we have lost the practice of catechesis today, superficial smatterings of truth, blurry notions about God and godliness, and thoughtlessness about the issues of living – career-wise, community-wise, family-wise, and church-wise – are all too often the marks of evangelical congregations today.” Parents, what would happen if we would take these words seriously, prompting self-examination about how deep we are endeavoring to grow in the faith, so that we might in turn raise up children who know the truth, and serve the Lord with passion?

If you were an alien landing on earth with a mission to find out what's most valued in North American culture, you would have to write the terms body image and appearance near the top of the list in your field notebook. The pressure marketing and social media put on all of us is significant, and its even more potent for our kids. Body dysmorphia, disordered eating, and dangerous dieting habits have become epidemic due to this pressure. Recently, the Canadian Pediatric Society released a report titled, “the Dangers of Dieting in Adolescence.” The writers report that by the time they get to high school, about fifty percent of young people have tried to change their bodies through dieting, a trend that has increased over time. What the report calls for is what's called a “health at every size” approach which is designed to help kids eat, exercise, and sleep in healthy ways. Adolescent dieting can have many unintended consequences. Teach your kids to find their identity in Jesus Christ, and not their appearance. 

Today, I want to pass on a message of hope for any parent who finds themselves in the midst of a struggle of some kind with their child. More of us than you know are familiar with your pain. I once had a friend tell me that whatever difficulties we face with our children should be seen as God's curriculum for us, as God is parenting and growing us at the very same time we are parenting our children. I love these words from Pastor Philip Ryken: “For the faithful who believe in Jesus Christ, the hand of God is an image of comfort and assurance. We know that the hand of God is a hand of love. We know this because we know that the hands of Jesus were pierced for our transgressions when he was nailed to the tree. This gives us the hope and the faith to leave everything in God's hands – all our burdens, all our trials, and all our cares. The Savior who loves us and died for us will also take care of us.” Jesus says to all of us, “come to me all you who are weary and heavily burdened, and I will give you rest.” 

These words from musician Lacey Sturm in the forward to Rut Etheridge's book God breathed, are wonderful words about the power of Scripture. “Whenever I find truth in any place I immediately know that it is guaranteed to be a biblical principle in display. As a smart aleck atheist who met God on the day I planned to commit suicide, I was not one to take people's word for what they said about God. I wanted to know for myself. What I found in the Bible when I read it for myself was staggering. In the Bible I found Truth. The most profound, living, mind-blowing truth after truth after truth. I have always been a lover of truth. To find that the Bible was a book of truth was crazy enough, but then to find that it was alive and word-for-word breathed from the mouth of God, words which God intended for me to read and understand and learn so I could actually know Him – are you serious?! This is still absolutely astounding to me.” Parents, where else can we turn?

Today is Christmas day, and I want to take a minute to tell you about the greatest gift that I ever received from my parents. Yes, over the years I received many Christmas gifts from my folks. But as the glory, shine, and initial excitement over so many of those gifts has faded over the years, there is that one gift that actually has increased in value for me. I remember my dad regularly telling me that his most fervent prayer for me was that I would grow up to love and serve Jesus Christ, and then marry someone who did the same. God graciously answered that prayer. Because of that, I am able to tell you today that the greatest gift passed on to me by my parents was the gift of their faith in Jesus Christ. Through their words and example I was regularly told about the coming of the Messiah. As you celebrate the coming of our redeemer, Jesus Christ, into the world on this Christmas Day, remember to pray for your kids, that they would hear and answer his invitation to come and follow.

On this Christmas Eve, I want to share with you one of my favorite Christmas scripture passages. Perhaps you can share it around your table tomorrow. In the Gospel of Luke, we are told that eight days after his birth, Jesus was brought by Mary and Joseph to Jerusalem to be circumcised. While there, they took Jesus into the temple where an upright man by the name of Simeon took the infant in his arms. God had promised Simeon that he would not die until he had seen the Lord's Christ with his own eyes. As he looks upon the Messiah, Simeon says, “Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you now dismiss your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all people, a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel.” I can only imagine the joy that Simeon felt. This Christmas, our desire for you and your family is that you will all rejoice with great satisfaction in the coming of your Savior. 

One of the great blessings of YouTube is that you and I can go to it to find out how to fix just about anything. I've successfully consulted YouTube to find ways to fix among other things, our washing machine, our car, and our lawnmower. Our kids can go to YouTube to learn as well, and one type of tutorial they can find relates to fake piercings, and how to use powerful little magnets to mimic actual nose, lip, tongue, and ear piercings. One concern related to this practice are the growing reports of kids accidentally swallowing the tiny magnets. This came to our attention when it was reported that a thirteen year old boy had somehow swallowed almost two hundred of these high powered magnets, which proceeded to attach to each other, causing abdomen pain. Surgery was required, and the boy had part of his bowel removed. Parents, we are called by God to protect our kids from harm. Train your kids up to steward their bodies with care. And, be sure to issue a warning about these magnets. 

If you have watched the compelling Netflix series, Adolescence, you are familiar with Stephen Graham. He not only was the show's writer, but he played the part of Eddie Miller, the father of 13-year-old murderer, Jamie Miller. In the show, Eddie was blindsided by his son's actions. There's no doubt that the show offers a strong message to today's parents, that we need to be active and involved in the lives of our kids. Graham is now following up the series with a new book that offers a collection of letters written by fathers to their sons. His goal is to convince dads to close the gap in their relationships with their boys so that they can talk openly about what it means to be a man. We applaud this project and look forward to seeing it when it's done. In the meantime, those of us who are Christian fathers need to take stock of our relationships with our children. The years of childhood and adolescence fly by. Don't miss the opportunity to be with your kids, nurturing them in the Christian faith.

When I first got started in youth ministry I was a young single man who, truth be told, thought he knew a whole more than he actually did. One of my most arrogant moves was to somehow believe that I knew more about the kids in our youth group than even their parents knew about them. And, embarrassing truth be told again, I look back and can see that my younger self had a clear sense of how to raise children, and this, long before I had children of my own. Having children of my own along with having several decades of experience under my belt, I hope that this older version of myself is far more wise than that young fool I once was. This all came to mind recently when I read these words of wisdom from John Stott: “It is always best to respond to God's call neither with extreme self-confidence nor with complete self-doubt, but with humble trust in the living God who equips those He calls.” Parents, I've learned that we're always learning, and that our strength and wisdom comes from God.

Recent research published in the Journal, Neuroscience, reports on the effects of physical activity, physical fitness, and screen time on the brain developments of adolescents. We already know that the childhood and adolescent years are marked by brain development, which is according to God's good design. We also know that since we are created as integrated beings, what we put into our bodies coupled with our behaviors influence brain development for better or for worse. Not surprisingly, this new research is summarized by researchers with these words: “Our new findings highlight the importance of an active lifestyle, good physical fitness and moderate screen time for brain development in adolescence.” Parents, we are responsible to steward the development of our kids bodies and brains to the end of their good and God's glory. Are your kids getting outside to play and move around? Are they engaging in sports activity? And, are you limiting their time with screens?

Our kids are always learning from us. Our words and our example shape who they will become, a reality established by God as he has created individuals and families. This means that for better or for worse, our kids are watching, and what they see in us and from us will play a powerful role in shaping who they are. The Journal of Health Psychology is hammering this point home. They've found that there's some kind of connection between a mother who is frequently engaged with social media, specifically taking, editing, and posting selfies, and a daughter who is interested in having cosmetic surgery. It's believed that these daughters have adopted a kind of dissatisfaction with their appearance that they inherited from watching their mom's own dissatisfaction. Parents, we live in an appearance obsessed culture. Your obsessions will influence your kid's obsessions. We urge you to find your identity in the rock, Jesus Christ, and not in your appearance.