Youth Culture Today with Walt Mueller

The structure, complexity, and functioning of the human brain gives glory to God, our Creator! With the advancements being made in brain scans, researchers are seeing just how incredibly magnificent the human brain really is. Recent findings indicate that the brain changes its wiring of neural circuits over the course of our lives. The phase of change known as adolescence kicks off around age nine, and then continues until around the age of thirty-two. While the bodies of our children and teens reach maturity during the teenage years, we have to understand that the brain is not yet fully formed. The last part to develop is the frontal lobe, which is responsible for decision-making and impulse control. Understanding this reality allows us to more fully understand our kids. This should not excuse poor decision-making or behavior during the teen years, but it does explain it. It should also motivate us to fulfill our God-given role to nurture them in the discipline and admonition of the Lord. 

Eric Liddell, the subject of the movie “Chariots of Fire” came to mind recently as I read a news story about a decision made by a 16-year-old teenager from Satellite Beach, Florida. Liddell, a devout Christian, chose not to run his 100 meter heats in the 1924 Olympics because they were being held on a Sunday. Last fall, high school swimmer Michael Alexander Shapira, gave up his place in the Florida 2A state championship meet because the event was set to begin on sundown Friday, which is the start of the Jewish Sabbath. A devout Jew, Shapira received pressure from his coach and teammates to change his mind. Shapira said this: “When you sanctify God's name in public, you show the world what it means to live with faith. This isn't about what I want. It's about who I am.” In February, Shapira was named International Jewish Teen of the Year. Parents, how easily we sacrifice our Sabbath and Sunday worship for youth sports. What are you teaching your kids?

During the months of spring and early summer, suicide attempts among young people tend to rise. Pastoral Counselor Karen Mason offers some great advice on how to interact with a person who you think might be experiencing depression and considering suicide. She says that our job is to recognize when a situation is serious and to take action according to the seriousness of the crisis. Listen non-judgmentally to the person at risk. Become familiar with the suicide risk factors and warning signs. . . a list of which can be found on our website at cpyu.org. Mason says that the best way to assess the seriousness of a situation is to ask the person at risk. As uncomfortable as it may be to ask the person directly, it is the best way to determine risk. In fact, asking directly can create relief for a suicidal person who may have no other idea about how to start a conversation. There is no evidence that asking puts the thought of suicide in a person's mind. So ask. You might be saving a life.

One of the great concerns regarding the growing presence and use of Artificial Intelligence has been labeled as “surveillance capitalism” by writer Shoshana Zuboff. Zuboff defines surveillance capitalism as a system that claims human experience as free raw material for translation into behavioral data. AI takes this raw material, analyzes it, and then harnesses it to nudge, coax, tune, and herd behavior toward profitable outcomes. As it relates to your kids, think of it this way. They spend lots of time online, becoming addicted to social media platforms designed to addict them. Data on their online behavior is consistently collected, as they are being watched. Profiles of your kids are then created from that data, and then sold to companies and marketers who want to reach them with something to sell. In other words, the online attention of our kids is being commodified, which in turn commodifies our kids. Parents, this is just one more caution you need to heed.

Becky Kennedy and Sheryl Zielger are both psychologists who are raising teenagers themselves. I discovered their names in an article they had written for CNBC's online site. The article's title caught my eye: “If you want to raise stronger, more independent kids, give them this: They need it now more than ever say psychologists.” Kennedy and Ziegler cit how many parents today are so filled with the fear of doing something wrong, that they try not to push too hard or enforce too many rules, assuming that doing so might push their kids into stress, anxiety, and a host of other mental health issues. But the two tell us that this is NOT what our kids need. Rather, what our kids need is for us to boldy claim – and in some cases reclaim – our parental authority. They say that now more than ever need us to offer up a safe system, a structure where we are in control. As Christian parents, we know from reading Scripture that this is our responsibility. But are we exercising our God-given authority?

The word “precocious” comes from the Latin word that is translated as “to ripen before.” In our day and age, the word precocious is used to describe something that develops early or before the usual time. We often pair precocious with the word puberty to describe the process of physical maturation in children long before the average age of onset. Now, the word precocious is being coupled with the word love, with precocious love referring to the intense romantic, emotional, and deep attachments kids are forming during their childhood and before adolescence. With research showing that dating breakups among teenagers lead to a greater incidence of suicidal thoughts and actions, we must be concerned for our younger kids who are at an even greater risk if a so-called break-up occurs. We need to be diligent in teaching our kids to prioritize their relationship to the Lord first, knowing that only He can fill the relational hole that so many try to fill with a significant other.

In a recent article in ByFaith magazine, author Katie Polski share three things that each of us needs to keep in mind as we seek to raise our children to love the church. First, Katie tells us that it all begins at home. She writes, “If we want our families to love what Jesus loves, our children need more than occasional or vague spiritual intentions.” Because they learn from what they see in us, our kids need parents who delight in being a part of the gathered people of God. Second, Katie tells us that raising church-loving kids will happen when we are regularly and consistently involved in the life of our church. She reminds us that while it is important to start early when they are young, it's never too late for you to commit to your church. And third, Katie tells us we need to be talking about faith all week, looking for those teachable moments to show our kids how the Christian faith speaks to all of life. Parents, you are the one primarily responsible for the spiritual nurture of your kids.

As our children enter the teenage years, more and more of their world begins to revolve around their peer group. While parents remain important and influential, our kids look increasingly to their peers for clues on what to believe, how to behave, and what to do in order to fit in. New research from Florida Atlantic University has found that different types of peers influence different aspects of a teenager's life. There are two specific groups of peers exerting influence. Researchers foundone's best friends shape a child's emotional state and academic behavior. They also found that the larger group of more popular peers exert an influence on how a child presents themselves in public and on social media. This reminds us that we need to be encouraging and making possible  for our kids Godly friendships that are positive. A good youth group situation can become a positive peer group, where not only is God's design for their lives taught, but practiced as well. 

Parents, think of the brains of your children and teens like you think about your email accounts. If you are like me, your email box is pounded with more junk, spam, scams, and phishing schemes than legitimate, trustworthy, and truthful communication. I hope that as we've become more experienced we've learned how to recognize, block, and delete all the garbage that floods our inboxes literally hour-by-hour. Wisdom and discernment lead us to separate the good from the bad, saving us from wasting time, effort, money, and even our very lives on things that will undo us. To protect them from passively loading their brains with the bad stuff, we need to run interference for our kids by limiting and monitoring their screen-time And, we must fill their brains with the Truth that brings life and by which all things can be evaluated. Train them to embrace and practice biblical wisdom and discernment. Equip them to live now and for the rest of their lives to the glory and honor of Jesus Christ!

I was recently reading about the Old Testament king of Judah named Asa. In Second Chronicles two, verses two to four, we read this about King Asa: “He took away foreign altars and the high places and broke down the pillars and cut down the Asherim and commanded Judah to seek the Lord, the God of their fathers, and to keep the law and the commandment.” Asa was commended as a leader who did what was good and right in the eyes of the Lord. As I read, I was struck by the fact that Asa modeled what it means for us as parents and youth workers to lead our children and teens well. We live in a world full of idols. As parents, we are given a unique position, responsibility, and opportunity to lead our kids into God's Word, teaching them how to recognize and tear down idols, while fostering their love for the One true God. Parents, teach your kids to tear down the idols that are derailing them from seeking the Lord and keeping His commandments. This is your high calling. 

As parents, we are called to be diligent about monitoring the attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, and health of our children and teens. One recent study published by the Journal of the American Medical Association reports on one type of behavior that we to be aware of, and which requires our intervention. The behavior is self-injury. Non-suicidal self-injury is the act of harming your own body on purpose, such as cutting or burning yourself as a way to cope with stress, sadness, emotional pain, and anger. The study reports that self-injury has been on the rise among children and adolescents, at about a three-point-five percent rate since two thousand. It is more prevalent among our girls, and self-injury has been reported in ten percent of our youth. Parents, if you discover that your child is engaged in self-injury, seek the help of a qualified and experienced Christian counselor. We want our kids to learn to run to Jesus Christ, the Great Physician, when life becomes overwhelming.

All this week we've been looking at AI and the potential role it will play in the lives of our children and teens. Specifically, were looking at some conclusions made by the Brookings Institution and their new report titled, “A New Direction for Students in an AI World: Prosper, Prepare, Protect.” The report issues a clear warning regarding the implementation of AI into our lives, that we need to protect our kids by intentionally and carefully developing and implementing safeguards for its use. These safeguards must address issues of privacy, emotional well-being, and safety, along with protecting our kids' cognitive and social development. The report also tells us in no uncertain terms, that parents need to manage their children's use of AI in the home. Parents, we live in a world where the potential dangers no longer exist only outside the walls of our homes. Thanks to digital technology, the dangers exist 24/7. Exercise your God-given calling to insure your kids are safe.

All this week we're looking at AI and the potential role it will play in the lives of our children and teens. Specifically, were looking at some conclusions made by the Brookings Institution and their new report titled, “A New Direction for Students in an AI World: Prosper, Prepare, Protect.” One of the main conclusions offered in the report meshes well with God's calling on our lives to pursue what is good, true, and beautiful. That conclusion is that we must do the hard and intentional work of preparing ourselves to integrate and use AI ethically, effectively, and humanely in our schools, homes, churches, and lives. Specifically, the folks at Brookings are warning us that if we use AI to undermine our human agency, allowing it to do all the work for us, we are in effect sacrificing our humanity. From a Christian perspective, that's a road we cannot go down. We have been created by God to image God. That means that we are to manage AI, rather than letting AI take over and manage us.

All this week we're looking at AI and the potential role it will play in the lives of our children and teens. Specifically, were looking at some conclusions made by the Brookings Institution and their new report titled, “A New Direction for Students in an AI World: Prosper, Prepare, Protect.” The report says that if our kids are going to prosper, we must deliberately focus on using AI in ways that advance, rather than undermine the educational process and the well-being of our kids. One recommendation is for parents to work with educators to develop the best practices for implementing AI cautiously into the educational experience. Specifically, we should only use AI tools that teach, not tell. This is most important in a world where more and more of our kids are going to AI to bypass the work of solving problems, writing papers, and doing research. As Christians, we know that God wants us to use our brains to his glory. Teach your kids to use AI as an appropriate help, not as a substitute brain. 

All this week we're looking at AI and the potential role it will play in the lives of our children and teens. Specifically, were looking at some conclusions made by the Brookings Institution in their new report titled, “A New Direction for Students in an AI World: Prosper, Prepare, Protect.” The report offers a framework for schools and families to consider related to their main findings on AI. Researchers looked at potential negative risks, along with how to prevent those risks while maximizing the potential benefits of AI. Researchers are telling us as parents, educators, and youth workers to be very careful and to move slowly, as the risks of AI overshadow the benefits. They report that AI can enrich the learning experience when safety guardrails are erected and caution is taken to ensure that AI content is accurate. In addition, over-reliance on AI can put our children's learning capacity, relationships, and well-being at risk. Parents, exercise oversight and caution.

Recently, I ate a spicy meal of a food I had never had before. It tasted good going down, and in the moment I believed I had discovered something wonderful that I would look forward to having again. Then, during the night, my body began sending signals that the food wasn't sitting well in my belly. I wound up being okay, but the experience did make me think differently about eating that food again. You've had this same experience, I'm sure, and when you have it, your realize that we don't know what a new food will do to us until we add it to our diet. Since the advent of all the digital technologies and screens that now are part of our diet, we are able to look back and see where they've done us good, and where they've upset our human flourishing. Since AI, or artificial intelligence, is now a part of our lives and something we can add to our digital diet, we need to exercise caution in how we use it, and how much we use it. Join us tomorrow and all this week as we look more closely at AI. 

Parents, are you keeping an eye on your teenagers who are now driving? Recent research from the University of Michigan's C.S. Mott Hospital polled parents on the driving behaviors of their kids, and found that risky driving behaviors are quite common. Seventeen percent of parents have observed their kids engaging in what's called impaired driving, which includes driving while sleepy, emotionally upset, or after drinking alcohol or using marijuana. Twenty-five percent of parents have observed their kids engage in distracted driving, which includes texting and multi-tasking. This would include those who put on makeup while driving. Finally, forty-four percent of parents have observed their kids engaging in what's called aggressive driving, which includes speeding, tail-gating, and road rage. Parents, we encourage you to not only monitor your kids and how they drive so that you can intervene when necessary, to teach your kids that as with all things, they are to drive to the glory of God.

When the internet, smartphones, and gaming devices were relatively new, experts were unwilling to label habitual use of these digital tools as addiction. But now that they've been around for some time, experts are able to look not only at the anecdotal evidences of digital device addiction, but a growing amount of data that supports how habit-forming these things are. The journal Frontiers in Psychology is reporting on research telling us that excessive engagement in digital activities has been shown to result in negative effects on physical health, mental health, academic performance, occupational functioning, and interpersonal social skills. The researchers are saying that digital addiction's impact on our kids is similar in scope to that of anxiety and depression. Parents, we have been called to protect our kids from harm and to provide for their well-being. Don't introduce screens too early, and when you do, set and enforce boundaries and limits.

If you pay any attention at all to the changes taking place in youth culture, you will be sure to encounter words and terms occasioned by the new pressures, problems, challenges, and opportunities facing our kids as they grow up in today's world. One of those terms that should cause us to wake up and take notice is this: nudification tools. These tools take the form of artificial intelligence- powered apps that allow users to upload a picture of a person, then hit a button to create sexualized images, typically nude photos. A new study from George Mason University has found that the use of these nudification tools which have historically been used by more boys than girls, are now being used by girls at the same rate as teenage boys. Researchers found that roughly one in six teen girls and boys used nudification tools frequently to see how they looked. Nudification is becoming normalized for our kids. Parents, warn your kids about the moral, relational, and spiritual issues related to this troubling trend.

Over the course of the last few years I've been thinking more and more about the powerful role that grandparents play in the lives of their grandchildren. If you're a grandparent, perhaps you've already verbalized what most grandparents think: that the world has changed so much that it is increasingly difficult for kids to grow through adolescence and into adulthood without cuts, bruises, and scars. Maybe you've even said, “I'm glad I'm not raising kids in today's world.” Yes, it's difficult for kids. But if you're a grandparent I want to encourage you to not give up, to not feel powerless, or to fall into the trap of feeling like your influence is not important. There is a powerful role that you can and must play. Research shows that the most resilient kids are those who have parents, grandparents, and other adults in their lives who endeavor to talk about and model what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ. Grandparents, you do matter and make a difference!

Recently, I was watching one of those videos where a man was running a large sieve through the sand at a beach, to find coins, jewelry, and other treasures. At one point he pulled his sieve up out of the sand , finding a red iPod that had been lost for who knows how long. Perhaps sometime during or after 2001, you had purchased and were using your own ipod, which at the time was a cutting edge piece of technology. Since twenty-five years have passed and technology has advanced, you might think that the beachcomber would have thrown away that find. But he didn't. Now, younger generations are flocking to ebay and other sites to purchase the device which as of 2022, had been discontinued. Why is this happening? Not only is there a surge of nostalgia for the ipod in today's youth culture, but users are saying that by listening to music on an ipod and not a phone, there are no notification distractions. Could it be that our kids are longing for the relative quiet we once knew?

Since we're currently in the midst of wedding season, there's a good chance you've been invited and will attend the wedding of a young couple you know. As Christians living in a world where marriage is no longer held up as a sacred thing, it's always good, beautiful, and refreshing to see a couple covenant together before God in marriage. As with most wedding receptions these days, you might see the couple choreograph and carefully perform an elaborate dance at the start of the reception. I don't know about you, but it's hard to not rejoice at the looks on their faces as they focus their eyes on each other, smiling with joy in anticipation of their life together. Of course, this only the first day of the life they anticipate living together. But like all newly married couples, they have no idea what they are dancing into. Parents, we need to instruct our children in the fact that marital love is a commitment to with God's help, stick together through the good and the bad of life. 

Let me make a very direct statement here regarding some of the ridiculous decisions parents are making regarding their kids and youth sports: Parents, we are losing our minds! I'm speaking specifically about the high cost of travel tournaments that are publicized in ways that make you feel like your kid is really, really privileged and special in ways that get us to miss the fact that these tournaments are taking big bucks out of your pockets and putting them in the pockets of the tournament organizers. Case in point: If you are invited to have your twelve and under baseball player go to play in the Cooperstown All-Star Village Invitational Tournament this summer in New York, it will cost about thirteen hundred dollars per player, plus travel. If an average family of three decides to go along, there will be about four thousand dollars of additional costs for travel, food, and lodging. Parents, are you spending your time and money wisely? And, what are you teaching your kids?

I recently had a college professor tell me about an assignment he gave to his class, as they were in the midst of studying anxiety. “I want you to put your phones aside for three days”, he said. “Do not look at them or use them. And, do not lie to me.” One student came to him after class to protest. “I hate this assignment!”, she said. This was a young lady who, like many of her classmates, was struggling to navigate her own battle with anxiety. Still, she took the challenge and came back to him after three days and told him this: “On day one, I was miserable and hated it. Day two was a bit easier. On day three I discovered what it was that was making me anxious.” This student's experience is one that more and more young people are having as they muster up the courage to detach from their phones to see what might happen. In a world where our kids are tethered and addicted to their devices, they need parents who will set and enforce clear borders and boundaries that in the end, advance their flourishing.

There's a prayer in the Anglican Church of North America's “Book of Common Prayer” that I found very helpful during this year's Lenten Season. It is one of the prayers to be prayed during the Sunday's leading up to Easter, this one specifically for the fifth Sunday in lent. What I love about this prayer is its recognition of the issues we and our kids face as a result of living in a rapidly changing world that is in so many ways opposed to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Let me suggest that you pray this prayer for your kids and family. Here is that prayer: "Almighty God, you alone can bring into order the unruly wills and affections of sinners: Grant your people grace to love what you command and desire what you promise; that, among the swift and varied changes of this world, our hearts may surely there be fixed where true joys are to be found; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen."

Yesterday we celebrated Mother's Day. As Christians, this day should bring to mind the fifth commandment, which reads, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” Over 40 years ago, Dr. John Huffman wrote this about the 5th commandment in his book, “Liberating Limits: “God pity the society led by brash young people who have the answers but very little respect for their elders. Anarchy comes quickly. Allow young people to be alienated from their parents and you'll observe a nation drift into moral and social anarchy. Family life is crucial to a healthy society. Children who grab hold of the household reins, pushing their parents aside, inflict a serious damage on a society. Young people who grow up without subjection to authority are programming themselves for unhappiness. A society as well as an individual pays an enormous price for weakening the honor paid to fathers and mothers.”

One of the great forefathers of our Christian faith was Augustine of Hippo, who lived from 354 to 430 AD. You may know him as Saint Augustine. Perhaps you've even read some of his writing, including his Confessions, which is his autobiography, and the City of God. His conversion story is fairly well known, as his mother had diligently prayed  seventeen years for her son to come to faith in Jesus Christ. Recently, I've been reading a little book of quotes from Augustine, and I ran across these words from one of his sermons. I believe they're good words to inform the way we parent: "Good superiors rebuke those who stir up strife, comfort those of little courage, take the part of the weak, refute opponents, and guard against traps. They teach the ignorant, awake the indolent, put the presumptuous in their place, mollify the quarrelsome, help the poor, liberate the oppressed, encourage the good, suffer the wicked, and love everyone." Parents, love your children well!

Perhaps you, like me, are someone who on occasion was called back to reality by a school-teacher who caught you day-dreaming, not paying attention, or staring out a window during class. I know that it happened to me several times, from elementary school right on through to high school. In today's world, it's reasonable to assume that the most likely in-school distraction is a smartphone screen. Recent research reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association tells us that teens spend on average about five hours a day on their smartphones, two hours of which is spent on social media. During the school day, the average amount of time spent on smartphones is seventy minutes, with thirty minutes on social media, fifteen minutes of that time on video apps, and fifteen minutes on apps for gaming. Once again, we are finding that phone time takes our kids away from learning time. Parents, if it hasn't been done already, work with your schools to ban smartphones during the day.

I recently heard a song from 1981 that got me thinking about today's children and teens and the kinds of things that they face in today's rapidly changing culture. You might remember the song titled “Under Pressure” that was sung by the band Queen and David Bowie. The reason I think about the song is that its title captures the reality so many of our kids feel as they struggle to navigate life in today's world. There are a variety of mounting pressures our kids feel, including things like appearance pressure, athletic pressure, and academic pressure. Recent research from the UK found that academic pressure during adolescence is linked to depression and self-harm into early adulthood. The reality is that while our kids do need to be encouraged to use their abilities to do their best, many feel pushed to achieve beyond what they are actually capable of doing. Parents, encourage your kids to study to the glory of God as an act of worship, and don't make an idol of their grades.

If you could go back in time to face your sixteen year old self, what advice would you give to that teenager you once were? My list of advice would certainly be long, but there's one essential push I'd give to adolescent Walt regarding how he was spending his time. I would tell that younger version of myself to stop making excuses about how little time he said he had to read, study, and meditate on God's Word. I have to admit that I wasted loads of time that could have been spent on more important pursuits, including growing in my understanding of God's will and way for my life as put forth in the Bible. Still, I have to admit that I'm glad I grew up then rather than now. I recently read that the average teen spends seven hours and twenty-two minutes looking at screens each day. Today's kids have even more distractions, meaning that we need to go the extra mile in encouraging them through our example and words to spend time daily in God's Word. That's a great investment for now and the future.

Parents, today I want to remind you to warn your kids about some very real dangers they might face in today's smartphone and social media saturated world. Sexting is defined as the act of sending, receiving, or forwarding sexually explicit or suggestive photos, videos, or messages through their phones and digital devices. For our vulnerable and easily influenced kids, the dangers are real. Recent research on kids thirteen to seventeen found that one in three kids have received a sext, and one in four have sent one. In spite of our warnings, these numbers are up from 2019. The other related danger is sextortion, which occurs when someone is tricked into sending nude images or videos, and then the perpetrator threatens to share those images unless they are given some kind of payment. Researchers found that nearly half of those who had sent a sext were targeted with sextortion. Parents, warn your kids, and teach them that God has called them to flee from sexual immorality.

Somewhere there's an assumption flying around that Christian kids are somehow immune from being vulnerable to the growing tide of negative influences in today's rapidly changing culture. Many of us have bought the lie that “those things don't happen in Christian families,” or that “they don't happen to Christian kids.” Believing that lie can lull us to sleep, keeping us from realistically recognizing and addressing the pressures that all kids face in today's world. You see, it doesn't matter where they live, who they live with, or what kind of school they go to. Any kid, anywhere, can be influenced by any of the negative and dangerous aspects of our culture at any time. No church, school, family, or child is immune. Parents, I want to encourage you to pay attention to the voices out there in the culture that are influencing your kids. How can you guide them through the lies if you don't know the lies? You see, what we don't know, don't want to know, or refuse to know can and will hurt them. 

Parents, some new research on the effects of social media, screen time, smartphone use, and videogaming on eleven to twelve year olds warrants our attention. Reported in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, the study set out to examine associations between problematic screen use, and behavior and mental health outcomes one year later. Problematic screen use occurs when kids can't control their online time and it starts to cause conflicts, stress, or problems at home and school. The study found that problematic mobile phone and social media use were prospectively associated with higher depressive, attention-deficit, and conduct problems. In addition, there were higher instances of suicidal behaviors, sleep disturbances, and substance use initiation. This data is just part of the growing amount of research that should cause us to wake-up to the fact that our kids are way too attached to their screens. Set strict time limits in order to facilitate good mental, relational, and spiritual health.

One of the cultural pressures that's trickling down quickly from our adult world into the world of children and teens is what's become known as hustle culture. Hustle culture is a fast-spreading mindset and lifestyle that glorifies non-stop work and constant productivity in an effort to achieve professional success. One's self-worth easily gets tied to this, leading to a relentless pursuit of what for a long-time has been called the American Dream. The version of hustle culture evidencing itself in the world of our kids is known as “grind culture.” With it's spread fueled by peer pressure and social media, grind culture has our kids pursuing academic perfection, the need to have one's entire life mapped-out, choosing activities that make one's college applications look good, and posting one's achievements online. We need to hustle our kids out of grind culture, as it fuels the sin of pride, sacrifices God's plan for sabbath rest, and hijacks their hearts away from finding their identity in Christ. 

I was fortunate to have Christian parents who modeled Christ-like grace in our home. When I think of my parents' grace, one specific instance comes to mind. It happened late in my teenage years. I had hurriedly left our family dinner table to meet a friend. In my haste, I failed to look in the rear-view mirror while I sped in reverse out of our driveway. My progress was interrupted abruptly with a loud, crashing bang. I had backed my mother's car into the driver's side of my dad's car. Fearing the worst, I slowly walked back into the house to inform my dad of what I had done. I walked into the kitchen and said to my dad, “I just backed mom's car into yours.” He put down his fork, lowered his head into his hands, as all of us waited in anticipation to hear what my father would say. He slowly lifted his head out of his hands and nodded it from side to side in disbelief. Then he looked at me and said some amazingly freeing words: “They're just two pieces of metal.” Grace.

Would you agree with this sentence: “It is becoming common knowledge that social media use has led to harmful psychological consequences, including the amplification of a psychological phenomenon known as FOMO, or fear of missing out.” Those words penned by professor Keith Hess of Oklahoma Baptist University in a recent edition of Salvo Magazine, in an article entitled “Beware the Other Attention Deficit Disorder.” Hess says that FOMO is pushing us into two manners of faulty thinking. One is the bandwagon fallacy, where we see something online and we decide to do it only because others are doing it. The second is the false urgency fallacy, where we act quickly without thinking, simply because we feel we will miss out if we don't. These fallacies are nurturing us and our kids away from acting with wisdom and discernment. Proverbs fourteen fifteen reminds us that “the simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thoughts to his steps.” 

All this week we've been looking at how smartphones are cutting into the sleep time our kids desperately need, and what we as parents must do to remedy this problem. Because we as Christian parents must teach our kids to glorify God in every nook and cranny of their lives, we must set the table for them to sleep counter-culturally, worshipping God through good stewardship of their bodies by getting enough rest. First, do not allow your children and teens to sleep with any devices in their room. Remove the tempting distraction! Second, keep your child's phone in a secure place to charge overnight. Turn the phone off so that notifications are silenced. Third, expect pushback from your child. Let them know that your action is not due to mistrust, but to responsibly fulfilling your role to love and parent them by God's design. And finally, remind your child that God has created our bodies for a rhythm of work and rest, and that a lack of sleep only brings harm.

All this week we're looking together at how smartphones are cutting into the sleep time our kids need, and what we as parents must do to remedy this problem. Parents, here are just some of the dangers associated with digitally-interrupted sleep. First there's anxiety and depression. Counselors who screen patients for these issues will oftentimes first ask patients if they are getting enough sleep. A lack of sleep not only leads to anxiety and depression, but will make them worsen over time. Second, there's decreased academic performance. Kids who are sleep-deprived are sleepy during the day, exhibit a reduction in cognitive skills, and wind up with lower grades. Third, there's the health issue of obesity. People who are tired crave and eat more food. Fourth, there's an increased risk of heart disease. Fifth, neurological functions suffer. For example, one's driving ability. And finally, a lack of sleep leads to aggressive and inappropriate behavior. Tomorrow, we look at parental action steps. 

All this week we're looking together at the issue of how smartphones are cutting into the sleep time our kids desperately need, and what we as parents must do to remedy this problem. Parents, I want to share with you some realities that demand your attention and response. Researchers tell us that eighty-nine percent of our teenagers keep at least one electronic device in their bedroom at night, usually a smartphone. While thirty-six percent of teenagers sleep with their phone in their bed or on their pillow, it's reasonable to assume that most others keep the phone within reach by placing it on a bedside stand or on the floor next to their bed. And six out of ten kids ages eleven to seventeen use their phones between midnight and five am on school nights. And one-third of all teens admit to waking up in the middle of the night to use their phones. Is this a problem? You bet. There are many dangers associated with digitally-interrupted sleep. Tune in tomorrow as I share some of those dangers.

All this week we're looking together at the issue of how smartphones are cutting into the sleep time our kids desperately need, and what we as parents must do to remedy this problem. For our kids today, uninterrupted sleep is about as familiar to them as pay-phones, black and white TVs, transistor radios, and other artifacts that they see as part of their parents' olden days. Researchers tell us that children and teens have always needed just over nine hours of uninterrupted sleep for healthy growth and development. This is the way God has created our kids to grow, and he has established a need for all of us to experience a daily rhythm of waking time and rest. But judging from what the research is telling us about new patterns of adolescent sleep, healthy physical and emotional teenage development is also in jeopardy of becoming an artifact of the past. Teenage pressures and distractions are on the increase, while good old-fashioned uninterrupted sleep is on the decline.

Are you a parent who laments the fall-out from smartphones and how they've permeated and changed not only youth culture, but your very own children and teens. When we notice the negative effects these devices are having on our kids and we choose to intervene by setting up borders and boundaries, arguments are sure to ensure. In fact, recent research says that the most common point of parent-child conflict these days is screen time and what is and is not appropriate. I'm guessing that most of you who are listening right now know exactly what I'm talking about as you have experienced these conflicts in your own home. But I want to encourage you to stay the course and not give up. Your kids need you to step in to fulfill your nurturing and protective role to keep them from harm and provide for their well-being. One area where borders and boundaries are needed is the over night hours. Stay with us all week as we will be talking about our kids and digitally interrupted sleep.

Our children need parents who will openly explain and discuss what is happening to their bodies as they pass through puberty. We live in a world that constantly sets unrealistic standards regarding physical beauty so that only a handful can measure up. Teenagers spend hours in front of the mirror looking for facial and body flaws. Figuratively speaking, they look over their shoulders and see images of the “perfect people” – the actors, actresses, supermodels, sports stars, and other media heroes - who “meet” them everyday through online videos, movies, television, social media and billboards. Parents, offer your teen a godly perspective on the changes that are taking place. In addition to modeling the unconditional love and acceptance of Christ during the physically awkward years, Mom and Dad should temper the social pressure to be preoccupied with outward appearance. Take the time to teach your children about the inward qualities of godliness. 

One of the subtle, or maybe not so subtle, traps of social media is the way that we use it as a digital megaphone to trumpet ourselves. And because we all need to look good on social media, it's usually not our real selves that we put out there, but our idealized selves. I have often said that if you seek the spotlight, it will blind you. That's a mantra we and our kids should all embrace, knowing that we must join with John the Baptist to say, “I must decrease so that he might increase.” The great 20th century preacher Martyn Lloyd- Jones writes this: "When the Holy Spirit works in us, what He does is to make us glorify the Lord Jesus Christ. The man in whom the Spirit dwells does not talk about himself; whether he is a preacher or whatever he may be, you do not come away talking about him." And, consider these words from Charles Spurgeon: “The moment we glorify ourselves, since there is room for only one glory in the universe, we set ourselves up as rivals to the Most High.”

I was recently at a social function where I asked a mother how her fifth grade daughter was doing. “Well”, the mom replied, “She's a little bit sad. She just broke up with her boyfriend.” The fact that we were talking about a fifth-grader got me to thinking about how much the world of kids and their dating relationships have changed over the years. Not only are kids dating younger and then marrying older, but there's a whole new set of slang terms that we older folks need to know if we are going to keep up with the kids. If you hear your kids talking about “throning”, they are referring to efforts to date someone based on how that someone will raise their social status by giving their own image a boost. “Shrekking” involves dating someone you're not attracted to, hoping that dating down in the looks department will lead to better treatment from the person. And “monkey-barring” has you holding on to one partner until you have moved on to the next. So parents, now you know!

Parents, did you know that understanding the world of your kids is a part of your parental calling? Youth workers, Sunday School teachers, pastors, and other significant adults all play an important role in the spiritual development of children, but Scripture is clear: The primary arena for Christian nurture is the home. Parents are called by God to teach the truth of God's Word by precept and example. An understanding of our kids and their culture helps us to function as cross-cultural missionaries – taking the Word of God from our culture into theirs. It helps us to prepare them for the reality of the unique challenges they will face in today's world. Only then can we effectively teach them to walk through difficult times by integrating Christian faith into all of life. Regularly ask your kids about the pressures, problems, challenges, and choices they and their peers are facing in today's world. Then, take time to get into God's Word so that you might direct them into handling whatever it is they are facing.

Meta is the company that owns Facebook and Instagram. While there might not be too many teenagers hanging around on Facebook these days, our kids are engaging for hours a day with a variety of other social media platforms. In recent months, there's been well-deserved pushback on the movers and shakers at Meta regarding the ways in which their social media platforms harm our vulnerable children and teens. The allegations against Meta are the same allegations, we believe, that should be levied against all social media platforms that are designed to draw and keep our kids. Earlier this year, a document released as part of a court filing revealed that one in five thirteen to fifteen year old Instagram users saw nudity or sexual images on Instagram. And to clarify, none of those one in five users were looking for those images. In fact, they say they didn't want to see the pictures. Parents, our God-given responsibility is to guide and protect our kids. Set up social media boundaries.

Parents, today I want to ask you a question that you might find a bit odd. The question is this, Are you doing what you can to convince your kids that they are indeed sinners? Listen to these words from the late Martyn Lloyd-Jones. I cannot imagine a worse state for anybody to be in than for him or her to say he or she does not feel he or she is a sinner. The Holy Spirit convicts and convinces us of sin, and if He has not done it for you, if you value your own soul, ask Him to do it. Christ came to die for sinners, not for the righteous, and the first work of the Spirit is to convict of sin, of righteousness and of judgment. We come to Christ for salvation after the Spirit has convinced us of sin, because the Lord Jesus Christ is the answer to our need.” Parents, because we live in a world that scoffs at the Gospel of Jesus Christ, we increasingly believe in the goodness of human beings, which leads us to forget that we are sinners in need of a Savior. Be sure your kids are aware of their sin and their need for Jesus!

Recently, the Center Against Sexual and Family Violence in El Paso, Texas, began raising awareness among their constituency about a new type of dating violence they were seeing among teenagers. It's being called digital violence, a name that captures the changing realities of life for children and teens as they grow up in a smartphone and social media saturated world. Using the digital tools they have at their fingertips, along with the growing number of artificial intelligence options, teens as young as middle schoolers are creating and distributing images of their dating partners which compromise and undermine trust. In addition, there is the creation and spread of rumors, both visually and textually. Parents, we are living in the Wild West when it comes to life on the digital frontier. Pay attention, and always look for ways to teach your kids to live counter-culturally to the glory of God. As Paul says in Romans twelve, this is the spiritual worship to which we are called.

One of the most essential lessons we need to teach our children and teens is that God calls them to be responsible stewards and caretakers of their bodies. In First Corinthians Six, the Apostle Paul tells us that we are to honor God with our bodies. We are to care for them as an act of worship. For parents, this means that we must warn them about being careful about what it is that we put into our bodies, as that can effect them either positively or negatively, both now and for the rest of their lives. A recent study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that cannabis use among adolescents increases their risk of being diagnosed with anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and other psychotic disorders up to and including age twenty-five. Doctors are reporting seeing patients who have used cannabis developing these mental health issues. Parents, teach your students to steward their bodies to God's glory, educating them to worship God through self-care. 

It's a fact that many of you who are listening to my voice right now are weighed down under the burden of a child or grandchild who has entered into rebellion and walked away at some level from you and from the Church. I know that this is a heartbreaking load to carry. And when you are carrying it, you are often led to feel like nobody understands or nobody is willing to step up and carry the load with you. I want to remind you of the words Jesus has spoken in Matthew 11:28. He says, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and over-burdened, and I will give you rest! Put on my yoke and learn from me. For I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Along with Saint Augustine, we can pray these words for each other, “Lord, those who are bowed down with burdens you lift up, and they do not fall because You are their support.” Burden-bearing parents, may the Lord bless you today with a deep sense of his promised peace. 

Are you, like me, tired of all the boasting that goes on on social media? Are you tired of having to face the temptation of giving in to the pressure of comparison which fuels that broken human desire of working to keep up with the Joneses? For those of us who are old enough to remember what life was like in a world without the distraction of social media, we long for those days when boasting and comparison, while certainly something that existed, didn't hammer us twenty-four seven through a digital device. Today, I want to encourage you to be someone who teaches your kids to navigate social media with a First Corinthians one thirty one attitude, while teaching your kids to do the same. First Corinthians one thirty one tells us this, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” All of us, young and old alike, need to realize that our lives should be centered not only the glorification of ourselves, but on the glorification of God. Imagine how things would change if that were the case.