Youth Culture Today with Walt Mueller

“How much should I tell my kids about my life as a teenager?” Ever wonder about that one? You have if you're conscious about the mistakes you made during your teenage years and you're dreading the day one of your kids starts asking those probing questions. Answering with age appropriate honesty is the best policy when kids are considering their own actions and wondering about what you did when you were their age. Our kids have asked us some very frank questions over the years. And, we've given them some very frank answers. At times, we've been able to espouse the virtues of God's ways by speaking from the experience of embracing those ways during our own teenage years. At other times, we've been able to espouse the virtues of God's ways by talking openly about the sins of our past and the resulting consequences of those sins. Telling your story with honesty is not only helpful for your kids, but your vulnerability makes you a real and credible person in their eyes. 

The hallway of my junior high school seemed less like a passageway from class to class, and more like a gauntlet. Walking that hallway was painful business as my self-conscious self wondered where – if anywhere – I fit in to that mass of same-aged students known as my “peers.” As children move into the early stages of adolescence, peers become increasingly important. Kids feel more secure when they are accepted by a group of friends. Hiding in the confines of a group offers safety to an insecure and self-conscious teen. Peer acceptance is sometimes pursued with reckless abandon. . . and what they often abandon are the beliefs and behaviors you've instilled in them as decent, good, and right. Because rejection is feared and to be avoided at all costs, many kids will compromise these standards of right and wrong if that compromise will facilitate peer acceptance rather than rejection. Parents, talk to your teens about peer pressure, decision-making, God-honoring choices, and the nature of healthy friendships.

Late last year, the Pew Research Center conducted a survey of almost fourteen hundred teens, ages thirteen to seventeen, to come to an understanding of our teenagers' experiences and attitudes around social media and their mental health. One of the most interesting findings points to the fact that our kids themselves are starting to see the downside of all this time spent on social media. Back in twenty twenty two, thirty six percent of kids said they spend too much time on social media. A year later, that number had dropped to twenty-seven percent. But in twenty-twenty-four, just one year later, the number jumped up to forty-five percent. We are hearing about more and more kids who are initiating steps on their own, by taking social media fasts, getting rid of their smartphones in favor of dumbphones, and getting off social media altogether. Parents, too much time spent on social media means too little time on other more important things, like the cultivating of a rich devotional life.

All this week we've been looking at what we need to embrace for ourselves and in turn teach to our kids about what it means to walk with God. The guidance comes from the writings of the seventeenth century Puritan writer, Jeremiah Burroughs. Burroughs tell us that when we walk with God, we will experience his approval and blessing, and we won't be looking for encouragement from the world. In today's social media saturated world where everyone wants the likes and positive comments, this is a radically counter-cultural ideal. Burroughs teaches us to pray, “Lord, I depend on you for blessing, and however things seem to go, still Lord, I look up to you for your blessing and approval alone.” Parents, teach your kids that when they are truly walking with God, they will turn away from seeking the approval of others and the world, but look to God. Athletes often say it like this: “I am playing for the audience of one, for His approval, and for His glory alone.” May it be the same for our kids!

All this week we're looking at what we need to embrace for ourselves and in turn teach to our kids about what it means to walk with God. The guidance comes from the writings of the seventeenth century Puritan writer, Jeremiah Burroughs. Burroughs tell us that if we are walking with God, our lives will be marked by taking on the tasks we face not in our own power, but with the assistance of God. Parents, we can teach our kids to pray this prayer of dependence on God in all things: “Lord, this is the work you've called me to. Let me have strength from you to do this work. I can do nothing without you, Lord. Come, I pray, and assist me.” In this current age which celebrates individuality, our kids are being taught that they need to depend on nobody but themselves. They are being told the lie that all you have to do is put your mind to it and you can anything. But the Scriptures tells us that it is God who is our refuge and strength, and it only through Him that we do anything. Teach this to your kids.

All this week we're looking at what we need to embrace for ourselves and in turn teach to our kids about what it means to walk with God. The guidance comes from the writings of the seventeenth century Puritan writer, Jeremiah Burroughs. Burroughs tell us that when we set ourselves to walk with God, we depend on God for protection as He takes care to watch over us in whatever we do. Our kids need to learn that the pathway of discipleship, which is the pathway of self-denial, is one where we will experience difficulties, dangers, and even opportunities to enter into the sufferings of Christ. We should teach our kids to pray this prayer from Burroughs: “Lord, I am in the way into which you have guided me. I may meet with much trouble and affliction. But Lord, protect me, defend me in this way of yours.” Parents, as we walk with God, let us echo these words of the Psalmist: “even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.”

All this week we're looking at what we need to embrace for ourselves and in turn teach to our kids about what it means to walk with God. The guidance comes from the writings of the seventeenth century Puritan writer, Jeremiah Burroughs. Burroughs tell us that when we are walking with God, we will depend on God for direction. In today's world, so many cultural voices are calling out to our kids, inviting them to come and follow. If they assent, they will find themselves on what the Bible calls the wide road that leads to destruction. But if we are Christians, we are called to ignore those voices, instead looking to and depending on God over the course of our lives. We must teach our kids to pray, “Lord, lead me, guide me.” Burroughs says that wicked hearts avoid listening to and following the guidance of the Lord. We must teach our kids that rather than listening to the voices in the world or their own untrustworthy thoughts, we are to seek to hear God speak in His Word and walk in His ways.

If you are familiar with your Bible characters you know that there are two individuals mentioned in the early chapters of Genesis who, we read, “walked with God.” Both Enoch and Noah are described in this way, indicating that they had a close and intimate relationship with almighty God. What is indicated by this descriptor is that they both lived obediently as they worshipped, prayed, and sought God's guidance. All of us who are followers of Jesus Christ, young and old alike, need to make walking with God our top priority in life. As parents, we need to walk in total dependence on God, and we should pray that the children and teens we are raising will grow up to do the same. I have recently been reading a series of writings from the seventeenth century Puritan preacher Jeremiah Burroughs, which are all about what it means to walk with God. Listen in for the rest of this week, as I will be passing on good guidance and advice from Burroughs that can shape how we lead our kids. 

Because the teenage years are filled with so much change and uncertainty, your kids yearn for stability and normalcy. Their search for a safe place to belong leads them to the haven of friendships with peers. These friendships are important and necessary as our kids begin to move towards the independence of adulthood. This means that they'll face peer pressure. That pressure can either be positive - influencing them to make good choices - or negative. . . something most of us remember all too well from the impulsive peer-influenced decisions we made during our own teenage years! Getting to know your teen's friends opens a wide window into understanding the unique blend of peer pressures your teen is facing. That knowledge allows you to respond to those realities with Godly wisdom, direction, and boundaries. But that's not all. You'll be opening the door to other kids who will benefit from - and might even desperately need - your friendship, Godly wisdom, and guidance as well.

New research from the University of Cambridge offers up some noteworthy information on the relationship between teen social media use and mental health conditions. Researchers found that kids who struggle with anxiety and depression report higher rates of being negatively affected by social media. Those with anxiety and depression have a higher rate of comparing themselves to others on social media, having a lack of self-control over the time they spend on social media, and experiencing changes in their mood in response to the comments or likes they receive on social media. While the study doesn't say that social media use causes these mental health conditions, it does say that those who have them use social media differently, including spending an average of almost an hour more per day on social media than those who aren't anxious or depressed. Parents, monitor your kids use, and if they need help, get them to a qualified Christian counselor.

I've become known around my house as the guy who asks too many questions. To be honest, I think I get a little annoying. One thing I've learned is that I need to ask good questions. Our tendency is to talk at, rather than listen to our kids. The bad news is that this approach is a communication killer. Asking good questions serves to open the floodgates of communication by encouraging your kids to express themselves. Asking questions lets your kids know you want to hear what they have to say. Good questions asked at just the right time helps teens think through their actions, process the decisions they've made, and consider the resulting consequences. Good questions give kids the opportunity to be treated like an adult, rather than a child. And remember, good questions are differentiated from bad questions because they can't be answered with only one word or a grunt. Good open-ended questions start with words like “how,” “why,” and “what.”

Online pornography is an ever-present reality in today's world. I recently asked Google this question: “What percentage of the internet is pornography.” I was told it's estimated that around twelve percent of the internet is dedicated to pornographic content. In a recent letter to First Things journal, reader Isabel Hogben wrote these compelling words about the power of porn: “Online porn shatters human dignity by reducing an extraordinary, singular personhood to a pixelated consumable, rather than recognizing each and every human being as an embodied soul and remarkable phenomenon. Porn presents a child, the ultimate moral work in progress, with a deficient and depraved account of the self, love, and how we ought to treat each other. It teaches kids that a person is something to view from afar, commodify, and objectify, and its accessibility to children is an excellent way to spawn a generation of media-obsessed, atomized, hyper-consumerists.”

As a dad, I've learned over and over that I need to choose my words carefully. I'm usually reminded after moments of being very careless with my words. Proverbs 12:18 tells us that “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” I read that and can only respond with one word. . . . “Guilty!” I've thrown reckless words around my relationships with abandon, especially with those who live under my roof. Reckless words are not only harmful to our communication, but to our relationships with our kids. Stuff that mindlessly rolls off our tongues in a rage-filled or careless moment can stick with them forever. Taking the time to habitually think before we speak is an investment that will pay great dividends in strengthened parent/teen relationships and positive parental influence. A necessary mark of healthy relationships is that we are dads and moms who always take the time to think before we speak.

Remember what used to happen to the teenage girl from the Christian family who got pregnant? Maybe you don't, because you never heard in the first place that the girl was even pregnant. She just disappeared. . . usually halfway across the country to Aunt Martha's farm. Then, a year or two later, she'd reappear and life would go on as if nothing happened. That's the way it used to be in the church when a family was in crisis. If other people found out, a family was surrounded by judgment rather than grace. We deal with the fallout of that way of life when we find ourselves in crisis and our first thought is “What will other people think??” or “Who knows??” Consequently, we do all we can to cover up the crisis, deal with it quietly, and move on. But that's a horrible way to live and it's not the least bit helpful to our kids. It exposes the idolatry of our own hearts, sending the message that we're more concerned about what other people think of us, than the well-being of our kids.

Late last year, the Pew Research Center conducted a survey of almost fourteen hundred teens, ages thirteen to seventeen, to come to an understanding of our teenagers' experiences and attitudes around social media and their mental health. One of the most interesting findings is one that I also find encouraging. Teens were asked about who they are most comfortable talking about their mental health with. The options included parents, friends, a mental health therapist, a family member other than a parent, and a teacher. Fifty two percent of the kids said they are extremely or very likely to talk to their parent. However, sixteen percent did say they are not too or not at all likely to talk to a parent. No matter what, we can always exert greater effort at building the kind of relationships with our kids that encourage good communication and a willingness to open up. Be sure your kids know that along with God, you are always available whenever they want to talk!

It's been twenty five years since Nancy Pearcey and the late Chuck Colson published their book, titled with this question: How Now Shall We Live? The book is still relevant, as it offers us an understanding of how to confront and navigate the cultural narrative in ways that lead Christians to live counter-culturally to the honor and glory of God. There are a couple of sentences in the book that can set us straight as we endeavor to live as followers of Jesus Christ and encourage our kids to do the same. They write, “Genuine Christianity is more than a relationship with Jesus, as expressed in personal piety, church attendance, Bible Study, and works of charity. It is more than discipleship, more than believing a system of doctrines about God. Genuine Christianity is a way of seeing and comprehending all reality.” Parents, are you teaching your kids that Christianity should direct all their decisions, all their beliefs, all their lifestyle choices, and all their actions?

I love listening to music. As a music lover, nothing enhances my own listening experience as much as a good set of ear buds and a volume setting that I'm sure is higher than it should be. Lately, my difficulty hearing conversations when there's ambient noise have me wishing I could rewind to turn down the volume that I'm sure now effects my hearing as I've gotten older. The World Health Organization tell us that globally, thirty-four million children have deafness or hearing loss, of which sixty percent of the cases are due to preventable causes. As you might expect much of this could be mitigated if we would intervene when our children are younger, teaching them to practice safe listening habits, such as using headphones or earbuds less frequently, and turning down the volume. Parents, you are responsible for stewarding your child's health, including their hearing, to the glory of God, so that they might make choices now that lead to life-long hearing health.

Listen to these heartfelt words of warning from Megan Garcia, the mother of a fourteen year-old boy who died by suicide in February: “There is a platform out there you might not have heard about, but you need to know about it because, in my opinion, we are behind the eight ball here. A child is gone. My child is gone.” Her son, Sewell, had logged on to a site known as Character.AI. The site allows users to create and interact with fictional chatbot characters. Kids who are lonely are especially vulnerable to going deep into these so-called relationships with chatbots. But the risks are many, including exposure to hate speech, sexually explicit content, security issues, and privacy violations. In Garcia's case, she is now suing the company, since in a conversation where he said he was considering suicide, the chatbot did not dissuade him. Parents, shield your kids from these ai companion sites. What our kids really need are healthy real-life relationships with family and friends.

All this week we've been looking at the thought and planning that went into the Philadelphia area's Delaware County Christian School's establishment of their well-received and highly successful phone free school policy. The school wanted to address a rise in mediocrity. Administrators write, We are far too easily pleased with superficial counterfeits for the good, the true, and the beautiful, mediated through a five-inch rectangular smartphone screen. We are far too easily pleased with half-hearted intellectual effort on school assignments, though we are called to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. The question was then asked, What steps can we take to overcome mediocrity and steward what God has given us, to pursue excellence throughout the day for His glory? We applaud the Delaware County Christian School for thoughtfully and theologically creating a path we all must walk, managing our smartphones, rather than allowing them to control us and our kids.

All this week I'm looking at the thought and planning that went into the Philadelphia area's Delaware County Christian School's establishment of their well-received and highly successful phone free school policy. One pattern of life in today's world that the school wanted to address was the ever-present reality of interruptions. As an introduction to their policy, the school shares these words: the average American checks his or her phone one-hundred and forty-four times a day. Research indicates that there is an addictive component to the dopamine rush in our brains associated with smartphone notifications and multi-tasking. As a result, any deeper learning, critical analysis, problem solving, or creative process that we undertake is almost always interrupted, whether voluntarily or involuntarily. The policy writers than ask this question which we all must consider: What steps can we take to limit these interruptions and increase students' capacity for protracted focus?

All this week I'm looking at the thought and planning that went into the Philadelphia area Delaware County Christian School establishment of their well-received and highly successful phone free school day policy. The first pattern of life in today's world that the school wanted to address was noise. As an introduction to their policy, the school shares these words: “The modern age is filled with noise everywhere we turn. Teens and adults alike fill almost every quiet moment with earbuds, music, podcasts, news, doom-scrolling through social media, and even emails. As we encourage young people to carve out even ten to twenty minutes of sustained quiet time with God and His Word in their personal lives, the practice seems arduous at best and impossible at worst.” The school then asked this question that all of us should ask ourselves: “What steps can we take to limit the noise and cultivate windows of quiet in the lives of our school community members, especially our teens?”

All this week I'm looking at the thought and planning that went into the Philadelphia area's Delaware County Christian School establishment of their well-received and highly successful phone free school day policy. Administrators took seriously the Apostle Paul's call in Romans twelve to no longer conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. They recognized that the current smartphone pattern of this world was undermining the flourishing of their students in their homes, their friendships, their family lives, their educational experience, and their personal faith. Technology was playing a role in impeding student's abilities to connect deeply and authentically with loved ones and friends, with teachers/coaches/and other mentors, with the academic curricula and important ideas, and with the person of Jesus Christ, His word, and His will. Come back tomorrow as we look further into the patterns of this world that administrators sought to address. 

In his book “The Anxious Generation,” social psychologist Jonathan Haidt offers a series of recommendations for how to stop the epidemic of youth mental health issues. One of those recommendations is straightforward and blunt: no smartphones in schools. Fortuneately there's a growing movement among schools, parents, and even some students themselves to make this necessary move. I've had conversations with administrators at the Delaware County Christian School just outside of Philadelphia regarding the decision they've made to take phones out of students' hands for the duration of the school day. The move by DCCS was made thoughtfully, with reflection on cultural realities along with practical and theological reasons for establishing a phone-free school policy. As expected, this new policy has been widely applauded in the school community, and resulted in several positive outcomes. Listen in all this week as we talk about why we need phone-free schools.

Late last year, the Pew Research Center conducted a survey of almost fourteen hundred teens, ages thirteen to seventeen, to come to an understanding of our teenagers' experiences and attitudes around social media and their mental health. One of the most interesting findings is our teenagers' shifting attitudes on whether or not social media is harmless, or harmful. Back in twenty twenty-two, thirty-two percent of our thirteen to seventeen year olds said that social media sites have a mostly negative effect on people their age. At the end of twenty-twenty-four, the percentage of kids saying the same thing had risen significantly to forty-eight percent. Parents, when our kids themselves are self-reporting that social media is harmful, we need to interpret that as a cry for help. God has given you the responsibility to raise and nurture your kids to spiritual maturity. Perhaps it's time we realize that we must take steps to help them peel away from social media harm.

Late last year, the Pew Research Center conducted a survey of almost fourteen hundred teens, ages thirteen to seventeen, to come to an understanding of our teenagers' experiences and attitudes around social media and their mental health. One of the most concerning findings to me is that thirty-four percent of our kids say they go to social media to get mental health information, with sixty-three percent of the kids surveyed saying that social media is an important source for information about mental health. My concern is fueled by the fact that even though one can find good advice on social media, it is also a source of misinformation, and even the kind of bad information that can encourage kids to embrace and lean into things like gender confusion, immoral sexual practices, and body dysmorphia. Parents, prepare your kids with warnings about what they might find on the internet, along with constant encouragement to come to you so that together you might get the proper needed help.

All too often I'm the guy who's described in Proverbs 18, verses two and thirteen. I'm the fool who “finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions” and the shameful fool “who answers before listening” . I've had to learn the hard way that when I've been thrust into conversations with my kids where we don't see eye-to-eye, it's sometimes best to bite my tongue, shut my mouth, and open my ears. We have to remember that our kids are not yet adults. Therefore, we can expect a mix of developing and not-yet-there thinking ability tainted by immaturity, impulsivity, inconsistent logic, and a lack of the kind of wisdom that comes with age and experience. Speaking quickly to point out that they have no idea what they're talking about, to tell them that they're wrong, and to quickly pass on the right answer. . . well, all those approaches can actually stifle communication. Listen first. And when our kids know they've been heard and respected, they'll be more prone to listen to us.

We all know that social media has fueled a trend known as looksmaxxing. This online movement encourages men and boys to live up to body-image and fashion standards through working out obsessively, spending on clothing, and even going so far as getting cosmetic surgery. It's one more evidence of our culture's obsession with finding our identity in outward appearance. In a strange effort to push back on looksmaxxing, a nineteen-year-old boy has gone onto tiktok and is posting videos under the name Trap Man and the hashtag looksminimizing. His videos show the results of working out only one trapezius muscle on his body, and nothing else, resulting in a massive left side and a more normal-sized right side. The pushback on looksmaxxing is needed. Perhaps the best way for us to do this is to remind our kids that while the culture tells us to place value on their outside, God looks on and desires the developments of our inside spiritual lives.

It's been almost forty years since I tried to intervene in some decisions a group of teenage girls were making on a day off from school. I was a youth pastor at the time and my station wagon was one vehicle in a convoy of several that were driving a couple of hours away for a day of youth group skiing. Three of the girls in the way back seat were buried in their books. I asked,“Do you ladies have a test tomorrow?” “No, we just want to keep up so that we can get A's in this class.” “Come on, let's enjoy the day together,” I said. Sadly, those girls avoided the slopes, sitting in the lodge all day with their faces in their books. While studying is a good thing, these girls were obsessed by the pressure to finish at the top of their class. They were finding their identity in their school accomplishments and class rank. David Brooks writes: “Success in school is not the same thing as success in life.” Parents, teach your kids that success in life comes through glorifying God and enjoying Him forever.

I once heard it said that raising teens is like holding a wet bar of soap: too firm a grasp and it shoots from your hand: too loose a grasp, and it slides away. A gentle but firm grasp keeps it in your hand. One of the greatest gifts we can give to our kids is the gift of reasonable and loving boundaries. Boundaries help our kids to recognize right from wrong, to stay safe within the confines of God's will and way, and to teach them the self-control that will serve them well as they take on responsibility for themselves for the rest of their lives. When your kids look back on their growing-up years, they will thank you that you took the time to teach them that there truly is right and wrong in a world that works so hard to teach them otherwise. But you must also remember that one of the greatest teaching tools is experience. As they grow older, hold them more loosely, allowing them to make mistakes and to learn by suffering the consequences of those mistakes. Remember, you are preparing them for life.

Eugenics is defined as the study of how to arrange reproduction within a human population to increase the inheritable characteristics regarded as desirable. Perhaps the most recognizable example from history is the horrific and deplorable work in eugenics performed by Hitler's Nazi's. These efforts were put into effect in order to create a master or aryan race, believing that entire groups of people should be eliminated because of their undesirable characteristics. I was thinking about how life for our kids in today's social-media-driven world leads them into deep self-assessment that typically leaves them feeling as if they are somehow less than because they don't look like those they've been led to believe are most desirable. Could it be that the use of filters and photo-shopping tools to alter their photos could actually be a kind of digital eugenics? Our kids need to realize that they are filled with the utmost value and worth, created by a loving God as individuals with unique dignity.

With so much of the news focusing on the decline of adolescent mental health, Charley Lock of the New York Times recently asked dozens of young people from across the United States to share, in their own words, what type of things they do to find happiness. The answers ran the gamut from watching jellyfish videos, to falling asleep while on the phone with a friend, to going fishing alone, to waking up during the night to turn on international soccer games. One of the answers that caught my eye was this: I listen to gospel music. This came from seventeen year-old Isaiah Gregory, who says, “When I feel weary or experience doubt, I listen to Gospel music. One of my favorite songs is “Deliver Me” by Donald Lawrence and the Tri-City singers.” Isaiah goes on to say, “I've experienced some mental-health issues, and gospel has helped to bring me back.” Thanks Isaiah, for reminding us all of the life-giving power of the message of new life in Jesus Christ. 

Here's a term that I just heard that all of us must be aware of: “surveillance capitalism”. The term and the practice is one that is especially prominent in our current online digital age. Simply stated, surveillance capitalism is about monitoring people's online behavior, including that of our kids, in order to capture data about one's preferences and habits in order to take that data and use it to target that person with carefully curated marketing and advertising, all in the name of getting that person to buy, buy, and buy some more. The data that's collected is personal info, personal interests, the websites you visit, and your social preferences and lifestyle habits. Recently, Facebook was accused of tracking when adolescent girls deleted their selfies. Believing that these girls were emotionally vulnerable in that moment, Facebook then fed them a beauty ad. All marketing targets our hopes for redemption. Help your kids see that buying stuff doesn't meet their need for Jesus.

The amount of change and questioning our kids face makes teenagers more vulnerable to stress than any other age group. Things that would never bother us as adults can be devastating to a teenager. The stuff we might write off can be monumentally difficult for them to handle or overcome. When you've seen a teenager stress out over a “wardrobe crisis,” mediocre test grade that has no bearing on eternity, or facial blemish. . . you have to wonder what might happen if they would ever face problems of a more severe and significant nature. We can't forget that the adolescent years are a time of change, pressure, crisis, and even impulsive overreaction. While we might be tempted to simply say “get over it” (and there are times where that response might be justified!), it's better to walk through the crisis with them and allow them to express themselves, all the while offering support and the benefit of a more mature perspective.

Remember the amount of time you spent looking in the mirror when you were going through your teenage years? We wondered what was happening, wondered where it was all going, and usually lamented the fact that we weren't “shaping up” the way we thought we should. It's still the same for today's teens, but also very different. When they look in the mirror, they're also looking over their shoulders at the images of the perfect people the media throws at them thousands of times a day – actors, actresses, supermodels, sports stars, and their photo-shopped peers on social media. Somewhere along the way, our kids believe the lie that if you want to be valuable, worthwhile, lovable, and acceptable then that's what you've got to look like. By being loving, sensitive, and resistant to these pressures in your own life, you can serve as a buffer in the midst of a pressure-filled media and peer culture that relentlessly hammers your kid with these dangerous and impossible to achieve standards.

Pastor Seth Hedman is a millennial who has done something very un-millenial-like with technology and social media. He has led his family through a process of incrementally unplugging from technology and social media to focus more on their spiritual lives. In an article in a recent edition of Touchstone Magazine, Hedman reminds readers that social media and our smartphones are designed to grab our attention, thereby distracting us away from the things that matter most, like fostering our relationship with God and with each other. He writes, “Social media is inherently designed to capture and hold your attention in order to sell advertisements. Through carefully crafted feedback and reward mechanisms, social media is designed to trigger the same dopamine release and addictions as slot machines. . . You become what you give your attention to. Endless scrolling and streaming are filling us with darkness.” Let's remember Hedman's warning, and lead our kids into the light of the Gospel.

Late last year, the Pew Research Center conducted a survey of almost fourteen hundred teens, ages thirteen to seventeen, and their parents, to come to an understanding of our teenagers' experiences and attitudes around social media and their mental health. One of the most interesting findings is that both parents and teens have concerns about teen mental health these days. Only twenty-three percent of teens reported being not too or not at all concerned about teen mental health, which means that seventy-seven percent of teens report being extremely, very, or somewhat concerned. For parents, the concern was more widespread, with almost nine out of ten parents being extremely, very, or somewhat concerned about teen mental health. Parents, there are ways in which you may know your teens even better than they know themselves. If you are concerned, ask questions, pay attention, eliminate unnecessary pressures, and where needed, secure the help of a qualified Christian counselor.

The headline of a recent New York Times article caught my eye. It reads, What Teenagers Are Saying About Cursing. This question was posed to teenagers: Is there too much cursing these days? How did the kids respond. Among other things, many of the kids surveyed said that cursing is an ever-present reality in today's world, and it is problematic. Others wrote cursing off as being just the way people talk these days. Still others are concerned that the use of profanity was too widespread and commonplace, especially in the online world. One girl even said that what she calls “cursing culture” is everywhere. Parents, we need to raise up children and teens who heed Paul's words to the Ephesians, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.”

Late last year, the Pew Research Center conducted a survey of almost fourteen hundred teens, ages thirteen to seventeen, to come to an understanding of our teenagers' experiences and attitudes around social media and their mental health. One of the most interesting findings is one that helps us to understand that the world has changed since we were kids, and that there are aspects of their lives that are foreign to us. When asked to list the one thing that they think most negatively impacts teen mental health, the top five things teens listed are these: twenty two percent said social media. At number two, was bullying, mentioned by seventeen percent. At number three was pressures and expectations, mentioned by sixteen percent. Coming in at four was general technology, at eight percent. And finally, only five percent mentioned school. It's interesting that every one of these pressures is ramped up by spending time online. Doesn't it make sense that we establish time limits for social media use?

All this week we've been looking at the powerful role Dads play in their teen's lives. Our kids will mess up. For some, their poor decisions will result in consequences that last a long time. Others may enter into a rebellious period that leaves you hoping and praying that like the prodigal son, they'll return home. It's at these times when we need to realize that loving our kids, means being committed to our kids. Teens living in today's culture face incredible pressures. Because they are sinful human beings, they will from time to time give in. We need to continue to love them when they mess up, are unreasonable, make mistakes, and don't deserve it. Over the years I've come to appreciate the great advice given by Christian psychologist Dr. John White, who himself dealt with a rebellious son. His basic rule for parenting is is this: “As Christ is to me, so must I be to my children.” 

This week we're discussing what teens need in a dad. When my son Josh was still in his preschool years, he opened my eyes to the power of my example. While riding together in the car I had to swerve and skid to avoid an accident. As we screeched to a halt and the other car went whizzing past us, Josh looked out his window in the direction of the other driver. While raising and shaking his fist, he yelled, “You Idiot!” It didn't take long to realize where my mild-mannered little boy had learned such hostile behavior. Our kids become like us. They learn from our example. The things we do and say model who they are to become. The power of a dad's example is captured in the old saying, “Like father, like son.” Dad, what kind of example are you providing for your kids? And, if you want your kids to grow up to be followers of Jesus Christ, are you doing the same?

This week we're focusing on Fathers. Sadly, the experience of many teens indicates their fathers fail to listen. Research shows that mothers are far more likely than fathers to discuss problems and have close personal talks with their teenage children. As a result, both teenage boys and girls say they feel freer to go to their mothers, rather than their fathers, to “talk about anything,” to “talk openly,” “and to “tell her my problems.” When asked to choose the most likely option out of the four choices of mother, father, close male friend, or close female friend in response to the statement “This person and I always talk openly to each other,” only four percent of teenage sons and one percent of teenage daughters chose “father.”  Teenagers want desperately to talk with their dads. Psychologist Paul Tournier wrote, “Every human being needs to express himself. Through lack of opportunity for it, one may become sick.” 

This week we're talking about fathers. In his book The Seven Secrets of Effective Fathers, Ken Canfield tells Dads that the first secret to fathering effectiveness is commitment. Commitment involves much more than claiming your child as your own. This commitment requires a conscious choice to be your child's father, along with resolving to work for your child's benefit. Fathers who choose not to commit are opening the door for someone or something else to raise their children. In today's youth culture, there are a variety of fathering surrogates stepping in to assume the role of Dad. It could be social media, the school system, the government, or your daughter's boyfriend. Consider these two facts: If you don't choose to father your children, someone else will. Ask God to help you do those things a dad should do for his children. Your investment in your kids will pay great dividends.

This week I want to talk about fathers. Research indicates that tonight, 40% of America's children and teens will go to bed in a home where their father does not live. Countless millions more will go to bed in a home where their father is physically present, but emotionally or spiritually detached.  Father absence is a contributing factor to virtually every social problem and pressure facing our teenagers today. An absent dad invites the presence of pain. Substance abuse, peer pressure, premarital sexual activity, depression, and suicide are just a few of the issues that are more likely to be present in a teenager's life if Dad is out of the picture. God has created us to live in families with both a mom and a dad. This Sunday, as you're opening your father's day gift, think long and hard about giving your kids the gift of a loving and involved dad.

With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we've spent all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. Today I want to share a strategy that can push back against social anxiety, which is one of the most prominent forms of anxiety we hear about in the youth population. While its essential that we all involve ourselves in Christian fellowship with other members of the body of Christ, it's especially helpful for our kids to be assimilated into two specific groups. First, involvement in a caring Christian youth group community provides shelter from the pressures of the larger real-life peer group and the virtual peer group found on social media. And second, our kids need to be integrated into the larger body of Christ where they can interact with a variety of caring adults. Never underestimate the power of Christian community to foster healthy spiritual growth and development. Your kids were made for it.

With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we're spending all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. Research is showing that one of the greatest catalysts for anxiety is immersion in social media. The use of technology has created an expectation that things should happen fast, in fact, immediately. When technology slows or we don't get an immediate response we become anxious. Social media also sets up unrealistic standards for physical appearance and beauty. Consequently, kids and adults anxiously fabricate and curate images of self that aren't even close to being honest. We become anxious if we can't hit the standard. And, we fear being found out and seen for who we really are. Finally, when our kids have their faces constantly buried in their devices, they miss out on the flourishing that comes with living in the real world. Social media is not all bad. But too much leads to anxiety.

With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we're spending all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. One of the best ways to prevent anxiety is to stop overscheduling your kids. Research on today's culture points to the fact that our kids are so over-involved and feeling such incredible pressure to achieve at the highest levels in all of their activities, that they are crumbling under the pressure. One way to push back is to be sure that your kids are eating right, getting enough exercise, and sleeping nightly for the nine hours and fifteen minutes of uninterrupted sleep that's necessary for healthy growth and development. In addition, we must recognize the fact that God made us for a rhythm of work and rest. This includes the need for a Sabbath. What would happen if we recovered the practice of taking one day a week to rest? I'm sure we would see a decline in anxiety.

With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, we're spending all this week looking at strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. One important step we can take is to teach our kids that the nature of living the Christian life is like running a race. The writer of Hebrews tells us to run with perseverance the race marked out for us. And, as we run and struggle and even stumble at times, we are to fix our eyes on Jesus, who is the pioneer and perfector of our faith. In my own life, one of the greatest causes of anxiety is the tendency to take my eyes off of Christ and to place them onto the temporary matters of life that can consume my thoughts and energies. Instead, we are instructed to look away from these idols and focus our gaze straight ahead to the one who waits for us at the finish line. Teach your kids to keep from looking side to side in the comparison game that only leads to fear and anxiety.

With anxiety off the charts as a growing epidemic among children and teens, I want to spend this week offering some strategies you can employ to prevent anxiety in the kids you know and love. Perhaps the most effective strategy is to teach them to preach the Gospel to themselves. Teach them to speak to their hearts, telling their hearts to follow the Gospel rather than allowing their hearts to speak to them. You see, our feelings are not trustworthy. They can lead us astray. They are especially dangerous during times of emotional highs and lows. While the mantra of today's culture is “follow and trust your heart,” the mantra for the Christian should be “follow and trust the Gospel.” I have found the words of this old hymn to be helpful: “God is God, he sees and hears, all our troubles, all our tears. Soul forget not, ‘mid your pains, God o'er all forever reigns. Fear not Death nor Satan's thrusts, God defends who in Him trusts. Soul, remember in your pains, God o'er all forever reigns!”

In Ephesians 5, Paul tells us to look carefully about how we walk, “not as unwise, but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” With the summer months approaching and the kids soon getting out of school, we want to encourage you to work with your kids to get off their screens, get out of the house, and make the most of the time rather than wasting their time on foolish pursuits. Here are some suggestions. For those who are old enough, have them secure a summer job. All of our kids should be required to perform daily and weekly chores around the house. Have them engage in outside yard work. Help them look for opportunities to volunteer. If they are too old to participate in your churches vacation Bible School, have them volunteer as helpers. Guide them to develop a short list of books to read over the summer months. Encourage them to develop a daily exercise plan. Teach them how to get into the habit of having daily devotions. Encourage your kids to have a wise summer. 

One of the questions we often hear from parents relates to the appropriate amount of screen time which they should allow for their kids. Generally speaking, research, surveys, and the observations of parents themselves indicate that our teens spend way too much time focused on their screens. This means that they are spending less time on what once were the normal activities of childhood, including things like outside play, socializing with friends, and spending time with family. Researchers in Sweden are reporting that kids ages twelve to sixteen who spend excessive time engaged with their screens experience multiple negative impacts on sleep, including decreased duration of sleep, decreased quality of sleep, delayed sleep until later hours, and greater incidence of depression. Let's be responsible parents who set and enforce strict time limits on screen time so that they will get the amount and kind of sleep for which God has made them.

Recent research from Lifeway tells us that “the single greatest influence over spiritual health is regular Bible reading while growing up. Plainly put, the parents of young adults indicate that regular Bible reading as children yields the greatest influence over spiritual health.” Any of us who are Bible readers know this to be personally true, as the Holy Spirit works to change us, conforming us to the image of Christ as we read God's Word. And what could serve as a better example to our children than our time spent reading and studying the Bible, along with the time we spend reading the Bible together as a family. As an adult, I realize now that my greatest and most treasured memories are not those of family vacations or other family activities. Yes, those are great memories, but they don't hold the same value as those memories of habits and times that shaped my faith and who I am today. I'm grateful to my parents for their example as Bible readers who took God's Word seriously.