Youth Culture Today with Walt Mueller

Those of us who are followers of Jesus Christ are called to bear each others burdens. We are to pray for each other. As friends, we are to love at all times and be there for others during their times of adversity. One thing I've learned as I've spent time with Christian kids is that so many of them battle with loneliness, anxiety, and depression. Even though they are followers of Christ, their adolescent struggles seem to be no different than the struggles faced by their non-believing peers. We are being told that the mental health crisis among our kids is reaching epidemic proportions, and almost two in five teens say they are not getting the support they need. Of course, those of us who are parents need to be more diligent in our efforts to nurture our kids in the faith and support them in any way we can. But there's a role the larger body of Christ must play. You may not have teens of your own, but you can and must endeavor to support the kids in your church through your prayers and presence. 

Parents, today I want to encourage you to take an active interest in those things that interest your children and teens. This is an easy one if you and your teen share the same interests. But what happens if you're a left-brained parent raising a right-brained kid? We once heard a parent complain that his son didn't share his love for canoeing. Consequently, he didn't think there'd ever be anything he could do with his son. Sadly, it never crossed the frustrated father's mind that he could enter into his son's world and life by pursuing one of his son's interests. Maybe we should all think about putting some of our own interests aside for a few years, so that we have more time to pursue the interests of our kids with our kids. Taking an interest in their interests not only allows us to spend much-needed time with our kids, but opens up opportunities to communicate, builds our relationship, and lets us discover and celebrate their gifts and abilities. Take an interest in their interests!

Most of us can remember those pit-in-the-stomach times we experienced as teenagers when we realized we had been left out. I remember a summer day in the neighborhood when I couldn't find any of my friends at home. I couldn't figure out why they were all gone until somebody spilled the beans later, telling me that they had all been invited to go to a home in another neighborhood to swim in the families' pool. Truth be told, I felt like a loser. The journal Frontiers in Digital Health reports that for kids living in today's social media world, the feelings I felt on that one summer day occur far more frequently, as our kids see visual and story content recounting activities and gatherings of friends from which they've been excluded. This ramps up feelings of exclusion, jealousy, and rejection. Researchers say this is feeding emotional stress and creating interpersonal conflict. Let's use these moments to teach our kids to handle disappointment and conflict with the kindness and grace of Jesus Christ. 

Sometimes the circumstances in our own lives and the stresses of raising and living with teens in today's rapidly changing culture can become overwhelming, paralyzing, and detrimental to our spiritual and emotional wellbeing. When that happens, we're not doing anyone any favors if we continue to spiral down out of control. If our normal support systems aren't enough to carry us through, then it's time to seek some outside help. . . maybe even some professional counseling. One or two sessions with a trained and competent Christian counselor may be enough to provide you with the guidance and support you need to get back on the right course. Perhaps long-term counseling is needed. Ask your pastor or a trusted friend to recommend a Christian counselor. Going to counseling isn't an admission that you're weak. A counselor can offer an unbiased perspective, and give you guidance that will lead to wholeness and healing.

The latest report from the Pew Research Center not only helps us understand where our teens ages thirteen to seventeen are spending time online, but should light a fire under us to exercise diligence and regularity about helping our teens practice what we call digital discipleship. It's not surprising that YouTube is hands down the most used online platforms for kids, with nine out of ten saying they use the site. Seventy three percent of our thirteen to seventeen year olds say they visit YouTube daily. Six in ten say they visit the TikTok video site daily. With our kids consuming so much video content on a daily basis, we need to teach them to use wisdom and discernment regarding what they see, along with limiting the amount of time they spend scrolling through videos. Ask them about what they are seeing. Ask them to share what they see with you. And train them to embrace content that furthers their faith, while avoiding that which is not good, true, and honorable.

If they would be honest with us, our kids would tell us that their feelings and emotions serve far too often as their guide for life. Not surprisingly, today's culture encourages this kind of feeling-driven living. To be honest, being driven by feelings and emotions is not just an issue for our kids. What a shame it would be if history remembered our generation of Christian parents as people who didn't do anything to help their kids listen to God instead of their windblown emotions. Feelings should never eclipse God's truth. We must walk our teens through the Scriptures to show them examples of people who allowed their emotions to eclipse the truth, and then suffered the consequences. This includes people like David with Bathsheba, Lot's wife, and Ananias and Sapphira. One way that we can help our kids see the dangers of feelings is by walking them through the stories of our own lives by sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly regarding the feelings-based and truth-based choices we've made. 

The moment I turned sixteen years-old, my top priority in life was to get my driver's license. Armed with my brand new learner's permit, I couldn't get enough practice time in on the road. And when I passed my driver's test on the first try, there was a feeling of freedom and liberation I experienced that I look back on as a major rite of passage. As I think back, I don't remember one high school peer who didn't think as I did, and we all were eager to get that signifier of being one-step closer to full-fledged adulthood. But something's changed. Researchers tell us that almost forty percent of teens delay getting their license by one or two years, and thirty percent are delaying by more than two years. What's driving this shift? (No pun intended!). Today's kids say they're overscheduled and too busy, they are staying home and socializing online, and some are too depressed and anxious to drive. If your kids are holding off for any of these reasons, take steps to ease the unwarranted pressures which they find paralyzing.

One of the questions we often hear from parents relates to the appropriate amount of screen time which they should allow for their kids. Generally speaking, research, surveys, and the observations of parents themselves indicate that our teens spend way too much time focused on their screens. This means that they are spending less time on what once were the normal activities of childhood, including things like outside play, socializing with friends, and spending time with family. Researchers in Sweden are reporting that kids ages twelve to sixteen who spend excessive time engaged with their screens experience multiple negative impacts on sleep, including decreased duration of sleep, decreased quality of sleep, delayed sleep until later hours, and greater incidence of depression. Let's be responsible parents who set and enforce strict time limits on screen time so that they will get the amount and kind of sleep for which God has made them.

As a father and now grandfather, I often think about the wise words of instruction found in Proverbs twenty-two, six. “Train up a child in the way he should go; and even when he is old he will no depart from it.” Training our children is not a once and done task. Rather, it is an ongoing project that in many ways lasts a lifetime. Neither is the training we are called to only verbal in nature. While the verbal instruction is necessary, equally necessary is the example we pass on to our kids. Let me share with you some great wisdom from the Puritans on the power of example. John Boys writes, “If both horse and mare trot, the colt will not amble.” Consider these words from Thomas Brooks: “Example is the most powerful rhetoric.” If we are to raise and train our children to follow the Lord, we must be eagerly following Him with every ounce of our lives. Remember, Jesus has called us to deny ourselves and follow Him. A heritage of faith is the most valuable inheritance we can pass on to our kids.

Fifty years ago there was little or no knowledge among teenagers about eating disorders like anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. In today's image-obsessed and social-media saturated world, the great majority of our kids not only stress over their appearance, but many are struggling with body dysmorphia, which is defined as a mental health condition in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance. New data from a study of thirty-nine-thousand adolescents ages fourteen to eighteen reports that the dominant factor raising the risk of self-harm, including suicide, is one's perception regarding their weight. Our kids are being hammered by a constant diet of marketing images and social media posts which leave them feeling inadequate and less than. As Christian parents, we must affirm their standing as loved divine-image bearers, emphasizing the fact that God looks on the inside, not the outside. Our identity is not to be found in appearance.

Even though we were once adolescents ourselves, the cloudy nature of those memories combines with a teenage world that's very different from the one we grew up in to leave us. . . well. . . pretty clueless. We need to go out of our way to learn about the uniqueness of living and growing as a teenager in today's world by asking good questions. . . . over and over and over again. Here are some questions to get you started: What changes is my child facing as he grows from a child into an adult? How can I support, love, and lead my teenager through these changes in a way that brings honor and glory to God? What must I do to build bridges into my teen's life that keep the lines of communication open? What makes my kid tick? What is their world like? What does my child find confusing at this point in her life? Why does she think and act the way she does? When it comes to our kids and their culture, what we don't know, don't want to know, or refuse to know, can hurt them. 

Parents, here's a challenge to adopt a new years resolution that has you bent on gaining weight. No, I'm not encouraging you to go against conventional new year's resolutions and decide to eat more so that the scale in your home goes on overload. Rather, I'm encouraging you to resolve to weigh yourself down each and every day with the life-giving good weight of ingesting more and more of God's Word into your mind and heart. As the great J.I. Packer once wrote, “Wisdom is divinely wrought in those, and those only, who apply themselves to God's revelation.” The Apostle Paul writes in Colossians 3:16, “let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, with all wisdom.” What we need to do is soak ourselves in the Scriptures on a daily basis. As you do that, God will form and conform you more and more into His image. And, not only will you be changed, but you will be better equipped to nurture you children and teens in the faith through your words and your example.

Parents, our God-given high calling and privilege is to raise and nurture our children in the Christian faith. Nothing is more important than that! The word “Catechesis” captures the reality of what it means to fulfill this responsibility. Catechesis is about teaching sound doctrine for sound living. In their book about catechesis, Grounded in the Gospel: Building Believers the Old Fashioned Way, J.I. Packer and Gary Parrett write, “Because we have lost the practice of catechesis today, superficial smatterings of truth, blurry notions about God and godliness, and thoughtlessness about the issues of living – career-wise, community-wise, family-wise, and church-wise – are all too often the marks of evangelical congregations today.” Parents, what would happen if we would take these words seriously, prompting self-examination about how deep we are endeavoring to grow in the faith, so that we might in turn raise up children who know the truth, and serve the Lord with passion?

If you were an alien landing on earth with a mission to find out what's most valued in North American culture, you would have to write the terms body image and appearance near the top of the list in your field notebook. The pressure marketing and social media put on all of us is significant, and its even more potent for our kids. Body dysmorphia, disordered eating, and dangerous dieting habits have become epidemic due to this pressure. Recently, the Canadian Pediatric Society released a report titled, “the Dangers of Dieting in Adolescence.” The writers report that by the time they get to high school, about fifty percent of young people have tried to change their bodies through dieting, a trend that has increased over time. What the report calls for is what's called a “health at every size” approach which is designed to help kids eat, exercise, and sleep in healthy ways. Adolescent dieting can have many unintended consequences. Teach your kids to find their identity in Jesus Christ, and not their appearance. 

Today, I want to pass on a message of hope for any parent who finds themselves in the midst of a struggle of some kind with their child. More of us than you know are familiar with your pain. I once had a friend tell me that whatever difficulties we face with our children should be seen as God's curriculum for us, as God is parenting and growing us at the very same time we are parenting our children. I love these words from Pastor Philip Ryken: “For the faithful who believe in Jesus Christ, the hand of God is an image of comfort and assurance. We know that the hand of God is a hand of love. We know this because we know that the hands of Jesus were pierced for our transgressions when he was nailed to the tree. This gives us the hope and the faith to leave everything in God's hands – all our burdens, all our trials, and all our cares. The Savior who loves us and died for us will also take care of us.” Jesus says to all of us, “come to me all you who are weary and heavily burdened, and I will give you rest.” 

These words from musician Lacey Sturm in the forward to Rut Etheridge's book God breathed, are wonderful words about the power of Scripture. “Whenever I find truth in any place I immediately know that it is guaranteed to be a biblical principle in display. As a smart aleck atheist who met God on the day I planned to commit suicide, I was not one to take people's word for what they said about God. I wanted to know for myself. What I found in the Bible when I read it for myself was staggering. In the Bible I found Truth. The most profound, living, mind-blowing truth after truth after truth. I have always been a lover of truth. To find that the Bible was a book of truth was crazy enough, but then to find that it was alive and word-for-word breathed from the mouth of God, words which God intended for me to read and understand and learn so I could actually know Him – are you serious?! This is still absolutely astounding to me.” Parents, where else can we turn?

Today is Christmas day, and I want to take a minute to tell you about the greatest gift that I ever received from my parents. Yes, over the years I received many Christmas gifts from my folks. But as the glory, shine, and initial excitement over so many of those gifts has faded over the years, there is that one gift that actually has increased in value for me. I remember my dad regularly telling me that his most fervent prayer for me was that I would grow up to love and serve Jesus Christ, and then marry someone who did the same. God graciously answered that prayer. Because of that, I am able to tell you today that the greatest gift passed on to me by my parents was the gift of their faith in Jesus Christ. Through their words and example I was regularly told about the coming of the Messiah. As you celebrate the coming of our redeemer, Jesus Christ, into the world on this Christmas Day, remember to pray for your kids, that they would hear and answer his invitation to come and follow.

On this Christmas Eve, I want to share with you one of my favorite Christmas scripture passages. Perhaps you can share it around your table tomorrow. In the Gospel of Luke, we are told that eight days after his birth, Jesus was brought by Mary and Joseph to Jerusalem to be circumcised. While there, they took Jesus into the temple where an upright man by the name of Simeon took the infant in his arms. God had promised Simeon that he would not die until he had seen the Lord's Christ with his own eyes. As he looks upon the Messiah, Simeon says, “Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you now dismiss your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all people, a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel.” I can only imagine the joy that Simeon felt. This Christmas, our desire for you and your family is that you will all rejoice with great satisfaction in the coming of your Savior. 

One of the great blessings of YouTube is that you and I can go to it to find out how to fix just about anything. I've successfully consulted YouTube to find ways to fix among other things, our washing machine, our car, and our lawnmower. Our kids can go to YouTube to learn as well, and one type of tutorial they can find relates to fake piercings, and how to use powerful little magnets to mimic actual nose, lip, tongue, and ear piercings. One concern related to this practice are the growing reports of kids accidentally swallowing the tiny magnets. This came to our attention when it was reported that a thirteen year old boy had somehow swallowed almost two hundred of these high powered magnets, which proceeded to attach to each other, causing abdomen pain. Surgery was required, and the boy had part of his bowel removed. Parents, we are called by God to protect our kids from harm. Train your kids up to steward their bodies with care. And, be sure to issue a warning about these magnets. 

If you have watched the compelling Netflix series, Adolescence, you are familiar with Stephen Graham. He not only was the show's writer, but he played the part of Eddie Miller, the father of 13-year-old murderer, Jamie Miller. In the show, Eddie was blindsided by his son's actions. There's no doubt that the show offers a strong message to today's parents, that we need to be active and involved in the lives of our kids. Graham is now following up the series with a new book that offers a collection of letters written by fathers to their sons. His goal is to convince dads to close the gap in their relationships with their boys so that they can talk openly about what it means to be a man. We applaud this project and look forward to seeing it when it's done. In the meantime, those of us who are Christian fathers need to take stock of our relationships with our children. The years of childhood and adolescence fly by. Don't miss the opportunity to be with your kids, nurturing them in the Christian faith.

When I first got started in youth ministry I was a young single man who, truth be told, thought he knew a whole more than he actually did. One of my most arrogant moves was to somehow believe that I knew more about the kids in our youth group than even their parents knew about them. And, embarrassing truth be told again, I look back and can see that my younger self had a clear sense of how to raise children, and this, long before I had children of my own. Having children of my own along with having several decades of experience under my belt, I hope that this older version of myself is far more wise than that young fool I once was. This all came to mind recently when I read these words of wisdom from John Stott: “It is always best to respond to God's call neither with extreme self-confidence nor with complete self-doubt, but with humble trust in the living God who equips those He calls.” Parents, I've learned that we're always learning, and that our strength and wisdom comes from God.

Recent research published in the Journal, Neuroscience, reports on the effects of physical activity, physical fitness, and screen time on the brain developments of adolescents. We already know that the childhood and adolescent years are marked by brain development, which is according to God's good design. We also know that since we are created as integrated beings, what we put into our bodies coupled with our behaviors influence brain development for better or for worse. Not surprisingly, this new research is summarized by researchers with these words: “Our new findings highlight the importance of an active lifestyle, good physical fitness and moderate screen time for brain development in adolescence.” Parents, we are responsible to steward the development of our kids bodies and brains to the end of their good and God's glory. Are your kids getting outside to play and move around? Are they engaging in sports activity? And, are you limiting their time with screens?

Our kids are always learning from us. Our words and our example shape who they will become, a reality established by God as he has created individuals and families. This means that for better or for worse, our kids are watching, and what they see in us and from us will play a powerful role in shaping who they are. The Journal of Health Psychology is hammering this point home. They've found that there's some kind of connection between a mother who is frequently engaged with social media, specifically taking, editing, and posting selfies, and a daughter who is interested in having cosmetic surgery. It's believed that these daughters have adopted a kind of dissatisfaction with their appearance that they inherited from watching their mom's own dissatisfaction. Parents, we live in an appearance obsessed culture. Your obsessions will influence your kid's obsessions. We urge you to find your identity in the rock, Jesus Christ, and not in your appearance.

Recent research from the Journal of the American Medical Association serves to remind us of our need to be diligent in protecting our kids from experiencing trauma to their brains while playing sports. Using new imaging techniques, researchers at Columbia University have discovered that the area of the brain behind the forehead – known as the cerebral cortex – suffers the most damage from repeatedly heading a soccer ball. The practical result of this damage is a decline in cognitive function. In the past, you've heard us talk about the growing body of research regarding CTE, or chronic traumatic encephalopathy, a condition leading to cognitive decline. If you want to learn more about CTE we suggest you check out the website of the concussion legacy foundation. Parents, we are called to steward the physical, mental, and spiritual health of our kids. Are you taking steps to insure that they won't engage in activities that put the gift of their God-given brains at risk? If not, take steps now.

At the start of this year's school year, we were hearing reports about more and more schools nationwide that were taking steps to get the smartphones out of their student's hands during the school day. This a great move that every school district should take. But there's still concerns about how much time our kids are spending with their smartphones and social media during their out-of-school hours. Some new research, that's not at all surprising, should push you as a parent to set limits on smartphone use in your home. It seems that social media is effecting test scores. For kids ages nine to thirteen, just one hour on social media per day can lower test scores by at least one or two points. Kids who spent as high as four hours a day on social media saw up to a five point drop on their test scores. Our students should be pursuing a love of the Lord with all of the capacities of their minds. Let's help them do this well by setting clear borders and boundaries on smartphone use.

All this week we've been looking at some of the latest data from the Pew Research Center on how parents of children ages twelve and under are managing the realities of life in a smartphone saturated world. One finding that should cause us to pause in our parenting steps is this: parents overwhelmingly think using social media does more to harm than benefit their kids. In fact, eighty-percent of parents of kids twelve and under say that there are more harms than benefits from social media. This begs a question: If, in fact, there are any harmful aspects related to social media use, why are we allowing our kids to engage with social media through their smartphones and screens? Parents, the Apostle Paul tells us in the book of Ephesians that our high calling is to nurture and raise our children in the admonition of the Lord. We need be about the work of protecting our children from harm and providing for their well-being. Remember this as you think about your kids and social media.

All this week we're looking at some of the latest data from the Pew Research Center on how parents of children ages twelve and under are managing the realities of life in a smartphone saturated world. One finding deserving our attention is this: that even for the youngest of our kids, the YouTube video platform is widely used. Eighty-five percent of parents say their child ever watches YouTube, with half of those watching on a daily basis. Sixty percent of parents report that their child under two watches YouTube, and it's at eighty-four percent for kids ages two to four! Parents, are you aware that your kids are being marketed to through YouTube? Are you aware that there are a variety of messages and worldviews being dispensed and promoted, many of which are contrary to the Gospel and a Christian world and life view? Two necessary responses come to mind. First, limit their time with smartphones. And if they are watching YouTube, watch wisely with them.

All this week we're looking at some of the latest data from the Pew Research Center on how parents of children ages twelve and under are managing the realities of life in a smartphone saturated world. Researchers found that about one in four parents of kids ages birth to twelve have a smartphone of their own. Did you hear that? We're not talking kids who have access to someone else's smartphone, but kids who have a smartphone of their own! Of course, we would expect but not applaud the fact that well over half of our eleven and twelve year olds would have a phone of their own. And the numbers diminish as the ages get younger. But twenty nine percent of eight to ten year olds, twelve percent of five to seven year olds, and eight percent of children under five have their own smartphone. As Christian parents, we need to question the practice of putting a device that's addictive, distracting, and full of roadways into unbiblical worldviews into the hands of our impressionable kids.

All this week we're looking at some of the latest data from the Pew Research Center on how parents of children ages twelve and under are managing the realities of life in a smartphone saturated world. The survey found that screen use is starting young. Ninety percent say their kids interact with the TV screen. Almost seventy percent have kids who interact with a tablet. Sixty-one percent interact with a smartphone. Half of the twelve and under cohort of kids engages in gaming. Just under forty percent use a laptop. And at this point, eight percent of five to twelve year olds are currently engaging with an AI chatbot. Paul in his letter to the Colossians says to “set your minds on the things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” CPYU Research Fellow Mike Terry writes, “With screens, it's increasingly likely that their minds are being brought lower into fragmentation, and not lifted higher into focus on the things of God.” Parents, your calling is to point them to Christ.

One of the youth culture realities all of us need to understand is what's called “Age Compression.” Simply stated in layman's terms, Age Compression means that the things today's parents needed to navigate during their own teenage years are now things our pre-school and elementary-aged kids need to navigate. This means that pressures, problems, choices, and opportunities exist for kids who are at the most vulnerable of young ages. One area of concern is navigating life with our kids on what's called “the Digital Frontier.” Today's parents are called on to manage things like smartphones and social media that weren't an issue for them at that young age. The folks at the Pew Research Center recently surveyed over three thousand parents of kids ages twelve and under. Almost seventy percent say their kids use a tablet, and sixty-one percent a smartphone. So, what's a parent to do? Stick with us all this week as we look at the research from Pew, and parental response strategies.

Why do so many parents tiptoe gingerly around their children in today's world? More and more parents are afraid to step up, take the reins, and assume their God-given position of authority. Instead, parents have become like butlers, available to wait on and serve their kids' every desire and whim. Fearing rejection, we sometimes go against our better judgment and God's design to say yes when we should be saying no. God established the family with a pecking order. Those who are older and wiser are charged with the duty of raising, nurturing, and protecting those who are young and not-so- wise. In other words, parents are to parent their children. Dad, mom: you have a God-given responsibility to love your teenager, to guide them through life, to protect them from harm, and to provide for their well-being. This means that there are times when you will have to teach your kids God's will and way by saying no. Parent your teenagers to the glory of God!

It doesn't take a degree in rocket science to see that there's been a decline in parental sideline behavior over the course of the last few years. I recently watched a viral video where a referee had to stop a girls' soccer game to address a parent who was allegedly heckling him over his calls. The video caught him saying this: “Do I look like I should be doing seven games in twenty-four hours. No I don't. You know why I'm doing seven games in twenty-four hours? Because there are fewer and fewer people who are willing to do this. Do you understand that? And most of the time people that are unwilling to do it is because of you people.” He ended with this: “So why don't you just grow up.” Parents we need to take seriously the words of the Apostle Paul in Romans twelve eighteen: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Are allowing the good gift of youth sports to become an idol in your life? If so, take steps to change your priorities!

Truth be told, I've been having some fun with AI. I've especially been having a good time with AI's ability to create songs, and to manufacture photos. And of course, I'm not alone. I'm not surprised that today's kids know a lot more about AI and how to leverage it than I will ever know. The Future Report Study found that in Europe, forty percent of teenagers us AI daily or almost daily. Many of their schools allow the use of an AI tool. In school, teens say they use AI to explain hard topics, get instant answers or feedback, make learning more fun, and to strengthen their ideas and problem solving skills. Out side of school, they are using AI to write and edit, to produce visual art, to create videos, and to design and build projects. We must remember that AI is not a neutral or benign tool. It will reshape its' users over time. We have to wonder if our kids will lose their creative thinking skills and ability to discern. Keep an eye on this parents. And, be sure to set limits on where your kids can go online.

Today, I want to warn you about a dangerous substance abuse trend which centers around an increasingly popular herbal drug which is available online and in stores, including gas stations and vape shops. Known as Kratom – K-r-a-t-o-m – the drug comes from the tree of the same name that is native to Southeast Asia. Users chew the tree's leaves, brew the leaves, or create a liquid extract. Users who ingest Kratom in low doses report that the effects are like those of a stimulant which increases alertness and energy. When used at higher doses, it works as a sedative to calm one's nerves and anxiety, and to reduce pain. The drug takes effect in minutes with the effects lasting a few hours. The physical side effects are many, and there also side effects on one's brain and nervous system, including hallucinations, and in some cases, death. Our kids are at risk, and we must warn them about the dangerous effects of this and all other drugs. Protect your kids by learning more about Kratom.

Yesterday was the first Sunday in advent. Advent is the church season leading up to Christmas that's all about expectation, waiting, and preparation. It's a time to focus on the coming of the King and his Kingdom into the world. It's a time to think about how God through his mercy and grace is restoring the world we've broken to its original purpose and glory through Jesus Christ. Sadly, its such a busy time of preparation for meals, gatherings, decorating, and gift-giving that the real meaning of Christmas gets lost in the rush. Let me encourage you to start slowly and keep moving slowly through the season of advent this year. Focus less on the doing, and more on the waiting. Each one of us, including our kids, needs God to burst into our life to do for us what we in no way can do for ourselves. Salvation, redemption, and new life come through Christ alone. It's not earned or deserved. This year, talk to your kids about advent. Then, wait with great expectation and celebrate the King with great joy!

When sixteen year old Maryland high school football player Taki Allen ate a bag of doritos following practice earlier this year, he crumpled up the bag and stuffed it in his pocket. All Allen was doing was waiting for a ride along with several of his teammates when several police cars showed up. With guns drawn, police instructed Allen to put his hands up and get on the ground. After getting handcuffed, police searched Allen for a gun, which he did not have. The sixteen year old was surprised by it all and wondered why this was happening. It seems that the school uses a video security system which relies on Artificial Intelligence to detect threats, including the presence of guns. In this case, the AI detection system failed miserably, as it mistook Allen's Dorito bag for a gun! This story could have ended quite differently due to an AI mistake. This goes to show that our move into this new AI world is going to be fraught with unexpected consequences. We need to tread carefully onto this new frontier.

Today we celebrate Thanksgiving. Many of us have gathered to enjoy a day filled with conversation, an abundance of food, and perhaps some football. If you're like me, many of these long-held holiday traditions could wind up filling the day so full that we actually forget to pause and give thanks to God for His many blessings. This year, I've resolved to spend some time alone to pause and give thanks to God. I encourage you to do the same. I'm going to go outside and look around. I am grateful for my eyesight and for the all the beautiful things he put in the world for me to see. I will thank God for the people he has placed in my life. I will thank him for the luxuries of life that I tend to take for granted as if I deserve them. Finally, I am going to thank God for the difficulties of life. Perhaps your circumstances have you focused on your difficulties. If so, give thanks. It is through difficulties that God leads us to a deeper faith and dependence on Him. Thanks be to God for His kindness and grace!

A current lawsuit case hitting the courts is one we need to be aware of if we love and lead kids. A seventeen year old New Jersey teenager is suing the company that created an AI app that will manipulate any photo, allowing app users to remove the clothing of the person in the picture. When she was fourteen and posting photos of herself on social media, a male classmate manipulated one of those photos using the app, which kept the young girl's face recognizable on a body that was not clothed. The fake image, as expected, was widely circulated among classmates and friends through social media. The suit is asking the courts to require the company to remove all fake images, to remove the app from the internet, and to provide financial compensation for loss of privacy and emotional harm. These tools in the hands of anyone of any age can be incredibly destructive. Warn your kids, and teach them to respect the privacy and image of God in all humans. Real or fake, it's pornography.

Sometimes it's the emergency room doctors who are the first to warn us about the latest online challenges kids are engaging in at the risk of death and injury. Without going into too much detail, there are several reports of burned and injured teens who have engaged in what's called “the jam jar pulse jet” challenge. Thanks to several online tutorials, kids are pouring regular household rubbing alcohol in a jar, and then engineering the lid in ways that allow them to ignite the dangerous and potentially deadly device. Kids are not aware of just how risky this is, as the jars are prone to explode, which then throws the fiery fuel along with glass shards onto anyone nearby. Burns, vision loss, cuts, lacerations, and other injuries can result, along with potentially fatal bleeding. Parents, be aware of this trend. Talks to your kids about risky behavior and online challenges. Monitor their use of smartphones and social media, and be sure to teach them to honor God by honoring their health.

It's been a few weeks since the initial arrests involving an FBI investigation into a widespread gambling network which included several people involved with the NBA. This story reminds us of just how prevalent gambling is, including sports gambling, which involves many of our kids who use online betting apps. For example, the New York Council on Problem Gambling is reporting that over the course of the last year, a large majority of high school aged kids have placed at least one bet. In addition, the number of kids ages twelve to seventeen who meet the standards for problem gambling has been on the rise. The rash of advertisements, along with smartphones and peer pressure have contributed to the teen gambling problem. Parents, we need to realize that gambling is both fueled by and fuels the love of money, which is a thirst which the Bible tells us will never be satisfied. In addition, Jesus warns that in an attempt to gain the whole world, a person may lose their soul.

In today's digital age, viral social media trends are often seen as harmless fun, but they can pose significant spiritual and physical dangers to our children. These trends, driven by likes and shares, often encourage behavior that clashes with biblical values. They can lead our teens to seek validation from an online audience of their peers rather than from God, who created them uniquely in His image. The Apostle Paul warns us in Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Many of these trends encourage conformity to the ways of the world. They can lead to comparison, anxiety, and even recklessness, pushing our children to prioritize a moment of online fame over their safety and spiritual well-being. It's our duty to guide our children through this digital landscape with wisdom and discernment. By discussing these trends openly and grounding our conversations in Scripture, we can help them to stand firm in their faith.

Today, I want to share with you a prayer for a wandering adult child, included in Kathleen Nielson's wonderful book, “Prayers of Parents for Adult Children”: “Lord God, I do not know and cannot see her heart, but all her steps appear to turn away from you, away from light and life found in your Son. I know, Lord, that you see into the darkest heart; your perfect wisdom lays out all our paths. Please turn her feet and move her heart toward you, toward life in Christ, I pray. I do not know just how you might ordain to call her to yourself to find eternal life and life abundant, through believing in your Son. I know that you have given your breathed-out Word, the writings that can make us wise for salvation as we believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, the living Word made flesh to save us. Please, by your Spirit and your people, speak your Word of life into her heart, I pray. I trust in you, even as I daily ask, please lead her to believe in Christ your Son, I pray.”

Thanks to the continued rise of body-image pressure that has been fed and fueled by marketing and social media, our teenage boys are being encouraged to engage in what's called “Testosterone-maxxing”, or “testmaxxing.” The practice involves attempts to increase male hormone levels through the use of hormone medications. A host of social media influencers have been building their following of teenagers young and old alike, some barely into puberty, feeding the narrative that to be a real man you must have bulging muscles and washboard abs. This trend is fueling a rise in unrealistic body expectations, dissatisfaction with one's body, and dangerous medication trends. And thanks to the algorithms, our curious kids who seek information on bulking up in this way will continue to receive more and more information, thereby driving them deeper and deeper into this dark hole. Parents, monitor your boys, and teach them that their identity is not to be found in their muscle tissue, but in Christ.

From the time that our first parents chose to follow their own desires rather than God's guidelines in Genesis three , our world and everything in it has been marred by sin. Consequently, our families are populated by broken people living with broken people. Because of this, our marriages are at times very difficult. And, parenting is difficult as well. We are broken parents raising broken kids. Yes, there are times and seasons of great joy, but there will be bumps in the road. We make a huge mistake if we expect to have a perfect family with perfect kids. We may even base our contentment in life on having a perfect family. If that's the case, we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment. One reason for this is that we have set a perfect family up as an idol. And like all other idols, the idol of family can never and will never deliver what we hope it will. Parents, just like you and me, our kids are broken and in need of redemption. Look for your source of happiness in Jesus Christ. 

Parents, are you aware of the online chatbot service known as character.ai? Users can create virtual characters and personalities they can then interact with in a variety of ways. While users can engage with the chatbots to play games or assist with writing projects, the folks at Parents Together Action and Heat Initiative are telling us that when they engaged with character.ai while posing as teens under the age of eighteen, the AI chatbots conversed with them in ways that are best described as sexual exploitation and emotional manipulation. They also gave harmful advice, including offering drugs and even recommending armed robbery. Parents, this calls for increased diligence on your part, as according to the researchers, character.ai allows kids as young as thirteen on the platform, and they don't require age or identity verification, which means kids even younger can join. Set online time limits for your kids, and always monitor their use of digital devices.

In Proverbs twenty-nine twenty five we find words that speak volumes of truth which we need to hear in our social media-saturated world. “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” All of us struggle at times with making a good impression while wondering what other people think about us. This, according to Proverbs, is a snare, as it can become an obsession, trapping us into the vicious and spiritually deadly whirlpool of making every effort to seek man's approval, rather than living to the glory of God. Tim Keller says that “if we look to human beings more than to God for our worth and value, we will be trapped by anxiety, an over-need to please, by the inability to withdraw from exploitive relationships, by the inability to take criticism, and by a cowardice that makes us unable to confront others.” As Christians, we must push back on our bent towards fear of man, as we learn to live to God's glory alone. And, we need to lead our kids to do the same.

I recently heard a theologian say that he has stopped trying to discern whether people he meets and knows are believers by asking them, “Are you saved?” Instead, he asks them this question: “Is Christ living in you?” He explained this switch by saying that many people today look back on a particular church service or camp experience where they raised their hand or went forward at the invitation to commit their lives to Christ. Sadly, while they no longer pursue a relationship with Christ, they believe that they are indeed Christians. Rather than falling on the good soil we read about in the Parable of the Sower, these are seeds that have fallen on the stony soil where the initial joy fades quickly and withers under pressure. This distinction should drive us to nurture our kids into understanding that the Christian life is not captured in a momentary decision, but is marked by a life of sanctification, where every square inch of their lives is lived with gratitude to the glory of God!

If you are thinking about helping your kids navigate the world of Artificial Intelligence in regards to research and gathering information, I want to read you some helpful words from professor, Dr. Thomas Fowler in a recent edition of Touchstone Magazine. “Do the chatbots add any value with their search capability? Basically, no; the behavior of chatbots is completely at variance with the methods of research done by a real person, who finds sources and then critically filters and analyzes them, seeking to extract the most important and best-justified conclusions in light of the subject and of reality. This process we call “truth seeking,” but it is not what AI does: It does not decide what is true and what is not. AI systems are “built to be persuasive, not truthful,” says an internal Microsoft document. We need to lead our kids away from sources that lie. Parents, teach your kids how to engage in the process of using the Bible as the basis for developing skills in wisdom and discernment.

There's a scene in the 1986 movie “Wildcats” that was oft-imitated by kids trying to be funny back in the late 1980's. A group of cheerleaders dance and chant at the other school's cheerleaders, “U-G-L-Y you ain't got no alibi! You ugly!” While the scene was intended to be funny, the real-life sentiment is still being dished-around as a biting criticism among the teenage population. In today's social media saturated world, it's the word “Chopped” that's trending among kids. While we adults are largely ignorant to teen slang, we need to be aware that when teens call someone “chopped”, they're issuing a put-down about that person's appearance or social status. We need to respond with the kind of support that builds resilience if our kids are being labeled as “chopped.” And, for those kids who call others “chopped” either face-to-face or online, we need to correct them, reminding them that the Scriptures call us to treat others with Christ-like love, kindness, and humility.

How will you respond to your children when they make a mistake or do something wrong? What will you say if your daughter turns her back on all that you taught her and winds up sexually active and pregnant? What will you say if your son gets suspended from school for fighting? What will you do if you find drug paraphernalia in your teen's room? What will you do if your daughter gets arrested for shoplifting? Remember that just like you and me, your teen's sinfulness is the greatest problem they face. All teens will encounter temptation and all teens will make sinful choices. The determining factor in whether or not a bad choice turns into a situation that gets better or worse will depend on your response. Let me suggest that your goal should be to redeem these situations by turning a mistake into an opportunity for your teen to become a more Godly and Christ-like person. Treat them with the same grace your Heavenly Father treats you when you are the offending party. 

Recent research coming out of Hong Kong assessed twenty-six hundred school children regarding video gaming and mental health. The research looked at what's called binge-gaming, defined as spending at least five hours in a row playing computer games. They found binge-gaming to be associated with poor sleep, anxiety, stress, loneliness, and depression. Three in ten kids surveyed reported spending so much time on video games that they would classify as binge-gamers or to be dealing with what's called internet gaming disorder. Specifically, this applied to four in ten boys and around one-quarter of the girls. Researchers also found that these habits result, not surprisingly, in a drop in school performance. Parents, we have been entrusted by God to care for the spiritual, emotional, and physical health of our kids. Our parenting must bring glory to God by setting screen-time limits for our kids, and by teaching them to steward everything they and have to His glory!