Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica Tartaro

When conflict takes over your relationships, most people default to silence. But silence wounds our relationships. When you use this tool, you won't have to pay the price of silence between you and your loved ones again. 1:45 I've been seeing a lot of this in my private practice 1:58 Intimacy will show us the state of our hearts 2:24 Relationship challenges like a symptom 2:50 This can keep us in love for a lifetime 3:20 The set up for the silence 5:04 Silence can inadvertently convey things that aren't true 5:49 The tool for disturbing the silence 6:10 An example of putting words to the silence 7:05 When we don't put words to the silence, here's what we risk” 7:57 Other examples 8:34 Neither of you has to guess 8:48 This week's homework Resources: The Sound of Silence by Simon & Garfunkel (1964): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fWyzwo1xg0 Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash Contact Information: Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns “She” + “Her” Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together. Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of “Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro“

Reflective listening is deceptively simple. Anyone can practice it. And it has the potential to help us “catch up” when overwhelming events can be too much to digest on our own.    1:30 Emotionally metabolize events that are too big 2:15 Listening for dummies (not really) 2:35 A reflective listening example 3:04 It's okay to be skeptical 3:40 It just works - here's why 3:57 We hear through the filters over our ears 4:30 The costs of the distortion 5:23 Why “feeling heard” is so important 7:10 “I will not try to change you”. 8:44 Help us “catch up” to ourselves 9:07 This week's homework 9:55 Be sure to include this follow up phrase Resources: Subscribe to my Patreon page to ensure you don't miss an episode of "Under 10"! Find me at: Patreon.com/DrTartaroIntimacyCoaching. And for this week's homework, check out Episodes 16 and 42 on my website here: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/under-10-podcast/. Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Tchoutcho Dantine de Thier on Unsplash Contact Information: Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns “She” + “Her” Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together. Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of “Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro“

When the going gets tough in relationship, sometimes you need more than words to reconnect you - you need bodies. In this episode "teaser", I introduce why sex as a practice can save and sustain your connection over the long term.  Check out the full show on Patreon.com/DrTararoIntimacyCoaching. 00:48 The door is closed and I'm going to share more candidly from here 1:08 The healing role of lovemaking to reconnect you 1:17 My husband and I had some surprising results 1:25 Sometimes it's not words that will unblock you, it's bodies 1:38 The end of this week's teaser and where to find the rest of the episode 1:54 The perks of being a Patreon subscriber - not just podcasts! Resources: To listen to the rest of this episode and make sure you get all future episodes of "Under 10", go to www.Patreon.com/DrTartaroIntimacyCoaching. I look forward to seeing you there! Contact Information: Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns “She” + “Her” Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together. Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of “Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro“

Having things unsaid in a relationship will clog the pipes of your connection.  In this episode, I explain that it's never too late to get vulnerable and bring the flow back.    00:49 Big announcement about “Under 10” 1:39 Where to find me on Patreon going forward 2:10 What “getting stuck” means 2:43 You know you've gotten stuck when these things are happening 3:23 Poop metaphor (skip ahead as needed) 4:20 This is what unclogs the pipes 4:45 It's the vulnerability that creates the flow 5:14 An example from a friend's hot first date and how she got stuck 7:02 The bad news and the good news about getting unstuck 7:48 This week's homework 9:32 The pun I couldn't resist 9:42 I hope to see you on Patreon! Resources: I hope you will consider becoming a patron of my work in order to avoid missing any episodes of "Under 10" as well as to get less edited, more raw content. Ready to go deeper with me? Find me at http://Patreon.com/DrTartaroIntimacyCoaching. And thank you! Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Nicholas Ng on Unsplash Contact Information: Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns “She” + “Her” Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together. Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of “Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro“  

“Just moving on '' after the worst of the pandemic poses major risks to our quality of life and capacity to connect.  When you have the courage to slow down and honor what you just went through, you can retrieve and re-integrate the parts of you that got “stuck” in the stressors of the last two years. 1:15 Tempting to just put the stressors of the last two years behind us 2:00 We have all been affected 2:10 The first time I took my mask off 3:00 The definition and importance of continuity 4:20 Our culture rushes past impact 4:42 This is what could have been said 4:56 A “catching up” 5:42 The high costs of just moving on 6:05 Story by Rabbi Bernath about beauty in a metro station 7:00 Shouldn't beauty arrest us no matter what we are doing? 7:27 The relationship between stopping for beauty and stopping for pain 8:25 This is how we “unstick” from where we got stuck in the past 8:40 This week's homework – 3 parts Resources: Read the full essay by Rabbi-Yisroel Bernath, “Missing the Beauty, here: https://st-ignatius.net/missing-the-beauty/.  Check out a blog I wrote about my community's transition out of masks here: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/masks-coming-off-why-transitioning-gently-matters/.  And contact me for more information about speaking to your group by emailing me at DrTartaro@gmail.com. Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo credit Antonio Guillem from iStock Contact Information: Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns “She” + “Her” Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together. Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of “Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro“

In this week's episode, I delve into the importance of a self-pleasure practice and specific steps you can take to create or deepen your practice.  Whether you've been pleasuring yourself for a lifetime or have never felt ready – until now – I'm grateful you're along for this exploration. 1:56 Yes, masturbation can be a practice 2:10 What happens to our psychology when we hide or don't share something 3:06 Our attention changes the object of our attention 3:24 Something fractured getting more whole 4:13 Masturbation as a full body, self-honoring ritual 4:51 Paying attention to ourselves is counterintuitive to our cultural programming 5:28 Quote by Eduardo Galleano 6:06 Pleasure is a pathway to inhabit yourself 6:58 I choose to be a fiesta. 6:55 An imagination exercise 8:00 Permission to make it up and let go of a goal 9:18 This week's homework Resources: In addition to celebrating the body, Eduardo Galeano (1940-2015) was a passionate advocate for human rights and social justice. Read more about him as well as listen to interviews here: https://lannan.org/bios/eduardo-galeano. Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash Contact Information: Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns “She” + “Her” Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together. Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of “Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro“

Most people feel some shame about masturbation.  Yet self-pleasuring is a powerful way to know what your body wants. In this episode, I tell the story of how I met the Grandmother of Masturbation and invite you to reflect on your earliest messages about your body's pleasure. 1:01 Exploring your body shows you what feels good and what doesn't 1:23 I dedicate this episode to Betty Dodson, the Grandmother of Masturbation 1:57 The story of how I got humped by Betty 4:51 My self-pleasuring origin story 7:35 It can feel intimidating to try 7:46 Exploring your body is a way to meet yourself 8:26 Our culture is terrified of us getting sexually empowered 8:44 The locus of control shifts 8:56 This week's homework Resources: Betty Dodson died on October 31, 2020, but her legacy lives on. Find her book, Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving anywhere books are sold including here.  And watch one of the final interviews she gave before her death on the Netflix series, “Goop Lab”, in Season 1 Episode 3, “The Pleasure Is Ours”: https://www.netflix.com/title/80244690. Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Apostolos Vamvouras on Unsplash Contact Information: Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns “She” + “Her” Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together. Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of “Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro“

In the moments when your feelings are bigger than you can handle, it's important to have options. In this show, I share three “go to” principles to practice both when you most need it and especially in the times when you don't. 1:35 No one-size-fits-all solution 2:13 You have to notice where you are in order to change it 2:55 Tracking in low stakes moments 3:36 I got lost and here's what I found 4:57 The first principle 5:15 The second principle which you actually learned in kindergarten 6:32 The third principle – you have to fill in the blanks. 8:02 This week's homework 9:41 An exercise we can do together right now Resources: Read about and listen to Krishna Das, chanting and meditation teacher and amazing storyteller, here: https://www.krishnadas.com/. Find All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten and other books by Robert Fulghum here: https://www.robertleefulghum.com/books/.  Email me to find a buddy at DrTartaro@gmail.com. Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Simran Sood on Unsplash Contact Information: Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns “She” + “Her” Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together. Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of “Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro“

When we only show our outsides to each other, we can feel alone. In this episode, I show you my insides and give you permission to do the same and to feel how connected we truly are.  1:05 There's one main problem with being f*cked up 1:33 What if we had that social permission slip? 2:00 My intimacy coaching program gave us permission 2:55 I make an admission 4:02 When people we think have it together admit that they don't 4:55 The power of showing our insides 5:20 I give you permission 5:50 A couples coaching example 6:22 The shame turns hurt into hopeless 6:40 Thomas Huebl and the collective nervous system 7:44 What we each do impacts the collective 8:21 A dream message 9:27 This week's homework. Resources: Thomas Huebl has a wealth of resources including free meditations and access to courses and lectures on his website here: https://thomashuebl.com/ Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Cristian Palmer on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro". 

Though it may seem simple, opening with gratitude when what you want in love touches you can shake you to your core.  In this episode, I explain why and offer you practices for growing this capacity.  1:21 Caveat: you may not like this story 1:40 Something very delicious in my life 2:33 What do you notice? 2:52 The first principle – the ability to joy in another's joy 3:50 Can you tap some of this as if it was yours? 4:00 It will take training to stop contracting at others' happiness. 4:50 Finding by Brene Brown about gratitude and joy 5:22 What are my options for responding to his love? 6:07 To pause in the face of beauty and say, I will let you touch me 6:45 This is why genuine, embodied gratitude can be so hard 7:41 Gratitude is a verb. 7:55 This week's homework. 9:29 Gratitude can help us heal. Resources: The famous orgasm diner scene from When Harry Met Sally is always worth a watch: https://youtu.be/lNEX0fbGePg. Read more about Brene's Brown's finding that gratitude invites more joy at: https://globalleadership.org/articles/leading-yourself/brene-brown-on-joy-and-gratitude/ Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by ABDALLA M on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".   

When you start to get what you want in love, a whole new challenge arises – the opportunity to learn to live life at a higher voltage.  In this episode, I offer you practices for expanding gradually so you can receive what you want without getting in your own way.  1:15 My friend Dina and her new, hot and heavy relationship 2:07 There's a catch. 3:23 Watch out for getting what you want! 3:44 The panic attacks I had when I first started dating my husband 4:25 We can get habituated to deprivation 5:33 The roller coaster may be shining a light on this 6:58 You may need to try these two things 7:17 This week's homework 8:40 You are aiming to expand gently over time. 9:35 Learning to be happy is a practice. Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".   

You can spend your life focusing on what you don't want and criticizing the people who want to help you. Or you can get oh-so-turned on about the best two minutes of your life.  You decide.  1:40 The negativity bias saves us time and again 3:00 But it undermines us in love 3:40 Quote by Dr. Rick Hansen to help understand this sticky phenomenon 4:28 Consider this the “off” switch for the negativity bias 5:42 Imagine this scenario of pleasure, heat and desire building...and then. 7:15 What would you do? 7:50 Instead of your default response, try this. 8:37 Blow your breath on the ember of what you want and see it grow. 9:34 This week's homework Resources: I have referenced Dr. Rick Hanson before. He's a badass. Check out his books, programs and free resources including meditations for retraining your brain at: https://www.rickhanson.net/.  And sign up in advance for my next Intimacy Salon on March 16th! The first one was so fun. People said they left feeling less alone, more connected and more clear about asking for what they wanted.  Get your ticket at: https://tinyurl.com/IntimacywithDrJessica Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Sawyer Brice on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro". 

Without knowing what you want, you will have a very hard time getting it. In this episode, I explore how to clear the channel between you and the voice of what you want so that you can hear the animal of your desire. 1:05 In order to ask for it, you have to have a clue about what you want                  2:55 Your desires may be muted under messages about what you “should” want 3:10 Think of your desire like an animal 3:43 Her appetite is not stirred when you fake it 4:36 I started healing my desire at the hot food bar at Whole Foods 5:50 Eating what I wanted brought me back to myself 6:15 Giving yourself permission to break the rules of your programming 6:45 A coaching example with a young couple who were healing their desire 7:13 If you don't know what's possible, you can't ask for it. 8:07 The options in intimacy are as vast as your vision for what's possible 8:27 This week's homework Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Elias Maurer on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro". 

In this episode, I attempt to normalize why asking for what you need whether big or small can feel scary when you think it might rock the boat of your intimate relationship.  1:30 Dr. Brene Brown's definition of vulnerability 1:50 In order for love to get in, we have to get uncomfortable 2:54 The high stakes of intimate partnership 3:43 You have let them believe something is true when it's not 3:50 Examples of untold truths 4:35 Why the trap of withholding truths is so easy to fall into 5:15 The reasons people avoid truth telling 6:25 The same reason you avoid telling truths is the reason to tell them 7:35 We are in relationship to come more alive. 8:37 This week's homework 8:58 Next week's episode Resources: Dive into the abundance of wisdom on vulnerability, shame and authenticity with Dr. Brene Brown's work here: https://brenebrown.com/. Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Sarah Cervantes on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro". 

In this episode, I introduce two principles for growing community that I have learned from my years of starting groups. In this era of prolonged social isolation, it's revolutionary to still find ways to gather. I invite you to get your hands dirty with me and try. 1:21 My parents first showed me how to grow community 2:25 Community is not incidental to our lives – it is our lives. 2:58 We create community in order to learn and address what we need. 3:31 The first principle of growing community 4:23 Frederick Buechner quote 4:44 The second principle for growing community 5:21 Agreements are a net catching us in groups 5:43 Examples of agreements specific to one group's needs 7:22 Be willing to get messy and learn along the way. 7:55 This week's homework Resources: Mark's Nepo's website is:  https://marknepo.com/. Read about Frederick Buechner at:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frederick_Buechner.  And consider listening again to Episode #4 where I first introduce the idea of agreements in conscious relating: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/episode-4-saying-whats-true-part-2-making-agreements-for-truth/. Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Benjamin Combs on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".

Individual therapy is important. But it will never alone fill the needs that community so powerfully meets. We need the village more than ever. In this episode I explain how being a part of a healthy community, in addition to doing your personal work, is key for activating our blueprint for health. 1:05 I recently burned myself - the scar is ugly 2:00 How engaging in personal work can feel overwhelming 2:48 This conviction keeps me going even when change isn't visible 3:30 What is needed to activate healing change 4:10 How community can deliver what's needed 5:15 Saying to the pain, “You are at last outnumbered”. 5:52 One therapist or coach can never be the village 6:05 “The work of community is the practice of care stitching the world together” 6:46 Tom Robbins quote - healing backwards in time 7:37 This week's homework 8:25 Sneak preview of next episode  Resources:  Author Mark Nepo says, "No one can live your life for you, but no one can make it alone, either". Read more about his inspiring work to teach healthy relationships and rebuild community at https://marknepo.com/.  The Tom Robbins quote is from Still Life With Woodpecker.  Marvel at his other quotes from the same novel here: https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1105809-still-life-with-woodpecker. Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Neil Thomas on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro". 

Most people never learned why talking matters in our love making. In this episode, I explain how words in bed are the road signs orienting you for the journey and teach you three different forms of communication you can use to connect to your partner during your sex. 1:55 The majority of people learned about sex this way 3:05 Sex without words is not how real sex looks 4:03 Talking to one another in bed serves an essential purpose 4:48 Silence in sex is like driving without road signs 5:27 It doesn't make you bad, just uninformed 5:38 Three ways to communicate during sex 5:59 Name what you are feeling in your body 7:02 Ask for what you want in a way your partner can hear 8:14 Make a simple, singular offer 8:40 Examples of questions not to ask in bed 9:35 Communicating in sex tells your partner many important things 10:10 This week's homework Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Mahrael Boutros on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro". 

Everyone gets triggered.  What makes the difference between constant breakdown and healthy relating is what you tell yourself and how you mend.  In this episode, I invite you to bring compassion to your triggers so you can learn from and heal these moments. 1:30 The pitfall of resolutions 2:24 How we fall prey to the shame monster 3:30 Here's the actual problem – it's not what you think 4:38 What you do after the trigger is what makes the difference. 5:08 From Triggered to Tranquil by Dr. Campbell outlines the steps 5:23 How we resist the shame 6:43 My husband and I dug into the cleanup recently 7:26 The “next frontier” rather than a resolution 7:55 Healthy intimacy actually needs friction 8:57 This week's homework Resources: Find From Triggered to Tranquil by Dr. Susan Campbell here: https://susancampbell.com/product/from-triggered-to-tranquil/. Of note, though some amount of friction is important for authentic intimacy, too much friction is not a good thing for your nervous system or your relationship. It likely means one or both of you need additional help to heal whatever is being revealed.  If you find yourself in this situation, please consider seeking professional counseling to aid in your process. Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Scott Umstattd on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro". 

In Episode #50, I share with you a secret about my sex life and reveal a lesson that I've been teaching you all along throughout all my previous forty-nine episodes, though you may not have realized it was actually about sex. 1:38 Climax in movies or literature 2:38 The “plotline” of our sexual experience 3:15 Our bodies don't always follow the script 3:30 The challenge of not summiting the mountain 4:15 Most people have this measure for sex 5:00 Another way to think about sexual pleasure 5:40 A new definition for orgasm 6:50 The benefits of this model 7:07 Not measuring success or failure in bed 7:25 My big secret revealed 9:31 This week's homework Note:  All bodies are different, and no sexual guidance is ever a one-size-fits-all solution, including what I reference in this episode. This show is an introduction to what I teach couples and by no means meant to suggest that resolving sexual dysfunction or relationship challenges due to sex is easy.  If you have questions about your sex life and want a tailored consultation for you and your partner, please reach out to me or to another conscious sexuality professional to talk about your specific sexual needs and priorities.    Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro". 

Unless you have the training, it can be easy to talk at people rather than learning how to talk to them, leaving you lonely and disconnected.  In this episode, I introduce you step-by-step to the simple, life changing practice of “tracking impact” and creating rich connection in conversation.  1:21 My client told me that our sessions were different 2:04 “Tracking impact” is the practice that shifts talking at to talking to someone 2:45 The utterly socially awkward version of me from college 3:30 I ask you for impact. 5:02 Being like a memory foam mattress in conversation 5:45 I asked my client a strange question, but it was what he came to me to learn 7:15 Conversations don't have to be dead – they can be alive, spontaneous and heartfelt 7:48 This week's homework and a short demo with my husband Resources: Many of these forms of communication I learned from the practice of Circling. There are several different schools of Circling. I gravitate most to what's called "Integral Circling", which you can read about here: https://integralcentered.com/circling/. Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Dario Valenzuela on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".   

Pet names are sweet and fun. But if you use them too early in your relationship, you risk falling in love with an idea of a sweetheart rather than the actual person.  Here's how you can avoid that pitfall and help your relationship last. 1:30 Remember the beginning of your last relationship 1:46 The filter we see new lovers through 2:29 Milan Kundera quote about the risks of the first days of new love 3:22 The beginning of the relationship will determine what comes next 3:55 The risk of pet names 4:53 When my girlfriend called me “honey”, I cringed (here's why) 5:50 Hilarious song parody about the lack of intimacy of pet names 7:06 It's possible to recover from the distortion 7:50 It's when you clutch onto the relationship that it slips through your fingers 8:25 Why I currently use pet names 8:42 This week's homework Resources: Milan Kundera: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milan_Kundera. Song “Don't Ever Call Your Sweetheart By His Name” By Christine Lavin: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2U8EcJLUlkw Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by J E S U S R O C H A on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".   

Instead of only sounding in your love making when you feel pleasure, in this episode I explain why you might moan in order to expand your pleasure and in so doing, become a source of your own enchantment. 1:08 I'll be talking about sex in this episode 1:27 Redefining the term “making love” 2:05 The story that inspired this episode 4:23 Pleasure and sound are reciprocally causal 5:16 The barriers to making sound when making love 6:13 Let's take a breath together 6:30 A “low stakes” starting point 7:17 Becoming a source of your own enchantment 7:54 Lev Grossman quote about magic 8:45 This week's homework. Resources: The band Parra for Cuva: https://parraforcuva.de/.  And Lev Grossman, author of The Magicians trilogy and other books: http://levgrossman.com/ Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro". 

It can be easy to rush through a quick squeeze without realizing that hugs can be a source of deep nourishment for our relationships. In this episode, I introduce you to the four principles for learning to give good hugs.  1:11 These two men said I give good hugs. 1:50 I admit, they were right. 2:23 The Four Principles of Hugging Well 2:30 Principle #1 2:58 I define “perma-consent” 3:39 How to ask for a hug consensually 3:54 Principle #2 4:15 Embodying yourself includes these things. 5:07 Principle #3 6:10 Unless you are "Amma the Hugging Saint", you have permission not to hug everyone. 6:58 Principle #4 8:06 When you follow all four steps, both people can co-regulate. 8:54 This week's homework. Podcast produced by Sal De Rosalia Music composed and produced by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Ekaterina Shakharova on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro". 

Healthy intimacy is not a given. It takes practice, especially when we don't feel like relating. In this episode, I break down how to align with your desire for connection even through your resistance.  00:55 Intimacy in all forms is a practice. 1:21 I'm not not talking about sex. 2:20 The “rest of the story” for me and my husband in this stressful season. 2:48 Where I got the idea for this episode 3:34 A client example of doing it when they didn't feel like it 5:10 How to lean into connection when there's resistance  6:35 “It's a Nike thing”. 7:58 An important qualifier to the practice. 8:59 This week's homework (I'll be cheering you on!) Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Thao Le Hoang on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro". 

Following the intensity of last week's podcast, this week's show is about the period of rest after the expansion, why down time is so important and my favorite suggestions for how to nurture your nervous system. 1:14 How I first learned about coming down 2:17 What you do after the intensity matters for long term well being 3:12 I've overlooked come down often 3:42 Stillness and rest as potent as activity and exertion 4:30 A definition of integration and why it's important in our personal growth 5:35 The risks of skipping a come down 7:20 Examples of honoring when you need to stop 8:20 The benefits of “down time” 9:30 This week's homework Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Cassandra Hamer on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro". 

In this episode, I share the sad yet empowering story of our recent miscarriage and how that event challenged and deepened my bond with my husband and brought me closer to my community. May this account help others on a similar path to know you are not alone and that we can talk about this. 1:15 Trigger warning 1:25 My intention in telling my story 2:50 How it began 3:25 I had never heard stories to prepare me. 4:35 I had one thing on my side. 5:16 I found my voice – and it worked. 5:45 Refusing to let the pain knock me out of my body. 6:15 A break to breathe 6:35 The exhale and debrief 7:52 A quiet victory underneath our loss 8:25 Tips for supporting someone through a miscarriage 9:53 This week's homework Resources: Every experience of pregnancy loss is different. Mine was only one example.  There are many online resources to educate yourself as well as virtual support groups for meeting others who have shared this experience.  A local midwife recommended “Parent Support of Puget Sound”, a group dedicated specifically to supporting parents recovering from loss of pregnancy. Their website has a wealth of resources and an active calendar of groups:http://psofpugetsound.org/ Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Julia Kadel on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.”

The hard times in life are unavoidable.  But feeling alone and isolated inside of them is not. How we listen when our loved ones are struggling can make all the difference. 1:21A hypothetical, low stakes conversation and three options for listening 2:20 Do you hear any difference across options? 2:59 The distinction between “attention out” and “attention in” 4:26 When the stakes get higher, this is the key to powerful listening. 4:39 A hypothetical, high stakes conversation and a fourth option for listening 5:46 “Getting someone else's world” 6:53 How “getting someone's world” works in practice. 8:45 The risks of isolation and the benefits of deep listening 9:28 This week's homework. Resources: I first learned the expression “getting someone's world” from the relational practice of Circling. You can read more about this practice here. Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Dan Gribbin on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro".   

Loss hurts.  And in the face of it, we can easily resist. When we consider softening something – anything – when we confront loss, we stand to birth new parts of ourselves from which to keep living.  1:17 I share a personal story of epic love, high stakes and loss. 3:09 When in your life did your dreams dissolve? 3:30 The dilemma of the “fix it” mind when we are faced with what we can't fix 4:26 I pleaded with him for a second chance. 5:00 Letting the self that was known die 5:20 Three main patterns of hanging on 6:17 To say to loss, “I see you”. 7:09 The best way through in the face of loss 8:18 “Everything happens for a reason” and why phrases like these don't help 8:55 When we soften, this is what can happen. 9:13 Befriending incompleteness 9:52 This week's homework Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro". 

Pacing our communication and seeking consent for the small and big transitions in conversation can smooth the rough edges of our relating and build trust.  In this episode, I share this “relational superpower” with you step-by-step.  1:13 I tell you what I'm going to do before I do it (aka this is the tool) 2:02 I define consent 2:30 What gets in the way of bringing our whole selves along into our love lives 3:37 Consent is like the rails to hang on to through the perils of intimacy 4:08 The benefits of asking before you ask 4:45 The alternative is to blurt it out and surprise the people around us 5:31 A personal story about two friends and their struggle with consent 6:52 Here's what might have helped 8:30 Holding the worldview of the other person as we attune our communication 8:48 This week's homework Resources:  Writing I have done on this topic, including a blog about my first kiss with my husband. And an older blog about this tool here, also published in Elephant Journal. Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Filipp Romanovski on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro". 

Shame keeps us small, cut off from our instincts and separate. In this episode, I teach you a practice for taking your power back from shame as well as helping others do the same. 1:42 Definition of shame from Dr. Brene Brown 2:33 Get curious about your own relationship to shame. 3:20 No one is unlovable – but we can forget. 3:38 Shame is like a sludge that clogs our capacity to feel our instincts. 4:20 We have choice about the experience. 4:32 Shame needs these three things to grow. 5:29 A story about a friend and the chance I had to feed or neutralize her shame 7:07 Shame loses when we do these two things. 7:35 We have power to help others gain control over their shame. 8:56 This week's homework. Resources:  Listening to Shame 2013 TedEx talk by Brene Brown: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jtZdSRst94. And her website: https://brenebrown.com/ Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Jason Rosewell on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro". 

The default is to see others through a narrow lens of what separates us. In episode 38, I challenge you to look for what connects you to others and take your power back to shape your perception of the people around you. 1:20 I serenade you. 2:32 When we are scared, our tendency is to find someone we can pin the pain on. 2:45 I define what it means to “other”. 3:45 Anais Nin quote 4:30 Perception is a practice. 5:21 The word “sonder” from the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows 6:26 Actively searching for points of commonality to find ourselves in the other 7:10 The inner work of humanizing 8:14 A first step towards shifting out of dehumanizing 8:58 We are wired to empathize. 9:05  This week's homework: 2 parts. Resources:  Love, Serve & Remember by John Astin . Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows which includes the definition of "sonder".  The Anais Nin Foundation. Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Andriyko Podilnyk on Unsplash Contact Information Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" Telephone: 1 (480) 993-5562 Email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Website: https://www.drjessicatartaro.com/ “Contact me to schedule an initial, complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore the fit for coaching together.” Looking for tools you can immediately apply to improve your relationships? Tune into weekly installments of "Under 10: A Mini Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Jessica Tartaro". 

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Though it's easy to blame our partners when we feel turned off, sometimes it's ourselves that we have fallen out of love with, not them.  Beginning by restoring our relationship to ourselves can salvage our love affairs.  1:10 How the pattern of compromise begins 2:15 Denying the self to avoid conflict 2:49 A very important truth – sit down for this one. 3:25 Their face has become the reminder of your separation from yourself 4:02 The story of Sarah 4:41 “I like myself when I'm with him”. 5:16 The seeds of this imbalance were planted long ago 7:16 How to shift out of the imbalance safely 7:41 Maya Angelou quote 7:51 Start by creating intentional space and then make an admission 8:56 Consider seeking out a therapist to design a new template for relating 9:11 This week's homework   Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Lareised Leneseur on Unsplash

If eye gazing makes you squirm, you aren't alone. But have you ever wondered why? In this episode, I describe the process by which eye gazing reveals the truth of our hearts.  1:07 A first eye gazing exercise 2:66 A peek into what I teach couples in intimacy coaching sessions 3:22 The instruction is to keep coming back 3:55 When we hold another's gaze, it may be them we are seeing but it's us we are feeling. 4:18 What do you do with your eyes when you are hurt? 5:03 Here's the reason I became an intimacy coach. 5:41 I recently got triggered and I couldn't look up. 6:42 The eyes are both a vulnerability and a superpower.  7:05 A second eye gazing exercise 8:00 Grounding is coming home to yourself. 9:14 This week's homework   Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

It's easy for relationships to burn hot and to burn quickly out. But if you're after lasting love, it's the friendship that you will want to prioritize.  In this episode, I explain why and how. 01:10 Many couples are struggling right now. 2:25 My high school dating experiences had nothing to do with friendship. 3:21 Having access to our desires but not being too attached to them 3:50 Cultivating friendship inside of romance calls for surrender and patience. 4:34 “Jess, I have found my person”, she exclaimed.  I shuddered. 5:57 Blinded by what you wanted them to be, you missed tuning into who they actually are. 5:47 What distinguishes the friendship from the romance? 6:55 “I want nothing from you and everything for you”. 7:20 M. Scott Peck's famous definition of love 8:37 The friendship is the water and the romance is the fire (Jewish teaching) 9:18 This week's homework   Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Bruce Dixon on Unsplash   Alvin Mahmudov on Unsplash

Without skill or care, an apology can re-inflame the argument and cost us greatly in time, energy and emotions. In this episode, I teach you the four steps to making a heartfelt and efficient apology. 1:18 Think about the last time you apologized 1:38 Apologies without care, skill and intention can backfire 2:20 I define efficiency in intimate communication 3:10 The story of how Rich and I got into an argument about watermelon this week 4:34 Authenticity is messy and loving cleanup is essential 4:54 The four considerations for making a short, sweet and true apology 6:41 Energy saving communication is short on words and dense with heart 8:25 Our apologies 9:47 This week's homework Resources: For a deep dive into the art of the apology, I highly recommend Why Won't You Apologize: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts by Dr. Harriet Lerner.   Also, this two-part interview with Dr. Lerner by Brene Brown is touching, funny and so instructive.   Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley  

If we aren't careful, we can treat kissing like a stop along the way to sex. But good kissing can be its own destination and invites us to arrive, over and again, through our lips.  In this episode, I tell you how.  2:13 I always considered myself a good kisser – but I was wrong. 1:50 Kissing is not a technical sport 2:50 We were taught that sex was a mission to accomplish. 3:47 Exhaustion, resentment and sexual aversion can ensue. 4:18 I describe an alternative way to approach sex. 5:51 A brief test of your lips' nerve endings 7:07 Kissing conjures yearning – how can we stay there? 7:44 Follow the evolution in your sex, don't lead it. 8:02 The secret to the art of good kissing 8:43 How we can touch all of the other through our lips 8:51 This week's homework (for people who have kissing partners and also those who don't too). Resources: The song Marrow by Ani DiFranco   Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Mia Harvey on Unsplash

Most of us were taught to hang on in relationship no matter what.  In this episode, I talk about how letting go and creating space can actually bring us closer to love especially in long term relationships. 1:14 Closeness without space creates imbalance. 1:26 Autonomy and unity – we need both. 1:56 It's very common for couples to hang on. 2:40 My client didn't have an example of individuality inside of long-term relationship 3:17 It's easy to imagine that space means defeat when we don't have examples. 4:05 Relationships have their cycles – life always follows death. 4:34 Letting die our idea of the relationship we wished we had. 5:22 What comes up for you when you imagine letting go of the familiar? 5:38 For years, I hung on.  Letting go felt unbearable. 6:00 A personal story. 8:30 My willingness to stop clinging allowed me to choose better. 8:51 I am on the side of health. 9:05 This week's homework. Resources: Gay and Katie Hendricks and The Hendricks Institute https://hendricks.com/   Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Максим Степаненко on Unsplash

Many of us learned that crying is a sign of weakness. In this episode, I suggest that to the contrary, crying is a sign that you are paying attention to life as long as you are safe enough to let go of control. 00:58 When was the last time you cried? 01:11 Crying is an involuntary act and tells us about our capacity to surrender. 2:12 Children cry with their bodies. 4:26 She hadn't cried in our work together – and this was important information. 6:10 Crying isn't just about feeling sad. 7:22 My tears were helping me welcome the array of feelings into my body. 8:45 Sometimes we need the extra heart space of another to help us find our tears. 8:52 This week's homework (it's okay to protect your tears).   Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Kat J on Unsplash

Everyone has the wild feminine in us – the part that feels most deeply. In a world that says “you're too sensitive” as a way to keep us numb, it's vital that we cultivate the relational skills to take exquisite care of the sensitive hearts that want to trust us. 00:51 Here's what I mean by the feminine – the part that feels the most. 2:35 A story from my recent honeymoon about a couple fighting on the trail 3:55 Rich and I replayed the scene. 4:33 When trust is damaged, everything matters. 5:15 Turn the volume down on force and up on quality of attention. 5:49 The sweet spot for earning the trust of the wild feminine 6:45 A coaching example 8:32 Keep your finger right there. 8:53 It's like winning the love lottery. 9:23 This week's homework   Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Johannes Mändle on Unsplash

Fighting the feeling of time always running out takes discipline and is necessary to truly live. In this episode, I teach you about the “vertical” axis of time and how to make moments count.  1:48 Busy is not a feeling 2:07 A lack of presence will be reflected back to us in our relationships 2:48 What makes the difference between time that zips by and time that feels eternal? 3:09 The horizontal versus the vertical axis of time 4:18 Speed up to slow down 4:39 It's quality of attention and sensory engagement that makes time deep 5:35 Busyness can leave gnawing loneliness in its wake 5:50 My friend's experience with death is teaching me about life 6:54 Here's what I did at last Friday's dinner to shift my family's relationship to time 8:45 Four options for this week's homework   Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

In this episode I explore the intersection of personal healing work and anti-racism, beginning with "decentering".  I attempt to describe how decentering ourselves as white people can be a deeply healing practice to us and to the collective wound of racism. 00:50 Disclaimers for this episode: the intersection between personal healing work and anti-racism 1:38 A definition of decentering in interpersonal relationships 3:05 I teach my clients to decenter their wounded parts and center the most resourced parts of their psyche 3:33 What decentering whiteness means in anti-racist work. 4:58 The relationship between decentering psychologically and decentering whiteness 5:59 Here's what's possible when we do the work 6:30 The willingness to step out of the spotlight will feel like an honor. 7:05 Validating defensiveness and following feelings to their origin point in our bodies and histories 7:16 Resmaa Menakem and My Grandmother's Hands 7:58 My anti-racist activism has shown me the next level of work in my healing 8:42 We have the opportunity to help our fellow white activists to better understand our triggers around decentering 9:03 Sharing power is done by the psychologically centered and sound. 9:33 This week's homework Resources: The American Psychological Association (APA) definition of decentering. The NYT bestseller, My Grandmother's Hands, by Resmaa Menakem. A short article by Menakem with an overview of the relationship between healing trauma and healing racism.  White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo, a very helpful read to launch and deepen your anti-racist understanding.   Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelley Photo by Michael Schofield on Unsplash

Given the intense stress of this past year, it's likely a part of you is stuck in time and still shocked at it all.  Emotional digestion practices are essential for getting unstuck and liberating our energy to receive life in the present. The “wow” practice is one such practice. 01:30 I practiced the wow with a client this week. 1:50 Trauma as a form of jet lag. 2:28 This is what we need in order to get “unstuck” by trauma. 2:31 The importance of emotional digestion for our well-being. 3:11 A story about coming back from the dead. 5:17 We need to resuscitate our stuck parts – the shock is normal. 5:56 Here's the practice. 6:33 Quote by Sharon Blackie about enchantment. 7:22 The “wow” can be used with the painful events, too. 8:32 When we are emotionally digested, we are empowered to help transform the world into what it can be. 8:42 This week's homework  Resources: Dr. Sharon Blackie, award-winning writer whose works sits at the interface of psychology, mythology and ecology.    Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Aimee Mia Kelly Photo by Nathan Bingle on Unsplash

When we are scared, it's easy to judge others based on our fears.  But when we reveal our more vulnerable parts to one another, we shift from relating to our projections of others to relating to the complex, messy and marvelous humans actually in front of us.  00:51 Let's get personal – what do you think about me? 1:26 The stories we tell ourselves about one another are called our projections. 2:58 Projections skew reality in one particular direction 3:37 We don't see the mess of others' lives on social media. 4:12 I tell a personal example of how my projections about a friend were wrong. 5:20 Ask yourself, what fictions are you writing about others? 5:33 In conflict, we are likely to see limited dimensions of others. 6:05 What is missing is the context of people's lives. 6:50 I sing a Laurence Cole song about kindness. 7:57 Hiding makes us more at risk for separation – it doesn't make us safer. 8:54 The antidote is to reveal yourself. 9:27 This week's homework – two parts. 10:00 In the face of gunfire, to remove your armor demands courage. Resources: Laurence Cole – Singing Together to Nourish the Soul and Re-Enchant the World.    Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Mia Kelley Photo by Yohan Joy on Unsplash

After this past year, most of us are sitting atop a mountain of tension and unexpressed anger. In this week's episode, I discuss why anger is essential to survival and what can make the difference between anger that hurts us and others and anger that transforms our worlds.  00:55 I've been angry lately. 1:36 How has your foundation been strained over the past year? 2:11 Quote from former US poet laureate Tracy K. Smith 3:04 The fuel for anger is virtually everywhere. 3:30 My latest favorite song – I've listened almost daily. 4:20 Toko-pah Turner quote 5:30 The balancing act with anger. 6:04 This is where anger can be perilous. 6:52 A personal example of grounding my anger 8:25 Anger is an essential tool when used well.  And a rough club when wielded without choice. 8:45 Here's what makes the difference. 8:55 This week's homework Resources:  Tracy K. Smith and Michale Kelber-Diggs on On Being with Krista Tippett interview. “This Is Me” from The Greatest Showman (2018).  Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home (2017) by Toko-pah Turner.    Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Mia Kelley

Fear has divided so many of our communities. Are you willing to try to connect through the differences?  It's not an easy task. In this episode, I offer initial steps for connecting through conflict. 01:16 Where I live, there is fear in the air. 2:14 Conflict has become normalized. 2:54 Growing up I learned conflict was explosive and scary 3:11 A lack of examples of conflict that can connect us 3:23 Body noticing – what happens when you encounter disagreement? 3:51 The importance of a grounded nervous system 4:24 Views versus value 5:16 Disagreement becomes a doorway and an opportunity 6:08 The willingness to try imperfectly and tenaciously 6:54 Keep the focus on the other person 7:43 The superpower that trumps all other superpowers 8:18 My qualifiers 9:26 This week’s homework Resources: Consider watching this 3-part Instagram series on settling your nervous system to support you to communicate across difference.  Video #1 on Rhythm. Video #2 on Grounding. Video #3 on Relationships. Additionally, here's a short YouTube video on depolarizing which includes more tools for turning conflict into connection.    Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Mia Kelley Photo by jean wimmerlin on Unsplash

Episode 23: Can I Give You Some Love? The Advanced Yoga of Receiving   When love comes knocking, can you grow beyond who you have been to let it in?  That’s the question I ask in this episode as well as offer a partner practice that can transform your relationship to receiving.   00:32 I start by giving you some love – can you receive it? 1:57 Think about when someone gives you a complement 2:29 The Big Leap and the Upper Limit Problem 3:16 The factors that set our limits for happiness 4:31 What once protected us can now sharply limit us 5:12 I share a personal story about getting through a very dark time in my life. 6:50 Receiving begins with the in breath. 7:15 Instructions for this week’s homework 8:32 Drinking in the offer of love down your spine to your feet 9:00 Having someone home to receive love is vital for growing into a happier version of yourself   Resources: The Big Leap (2010) by Dr. Gay Hendricks is a must read.  The Hendricks Institute website also has volumes of free resources on living your genius and finding lasting happiness.   Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Mia Kelley Photo by Hanneke Laaning on Unsplash -- Dr. Jessica Tartaro Intimacy Coach & Connection Facilitator Pronouns "She" + "Her" cell phone: 480.993.5562 email: DrTartaro@gmail.com Looking for more connection through the pandemic?  Sign up for my newsletter to receive my free Intimacy podcasts and invitations to connection games online! www.DrJessicaTartaro.com

Resisting the urge to numb ourselves from the overwhelm of life takes determination. In this episode, I teach you a simple tool that you can practice any time for reclaiming the preciousness of your moments and turning stale air into pixie dust.  00:43 My definition of magic 01:02 I tell the story of my Fulbright year and that moment of magic on the train platform 2:45 “1…2…3. London.” 3:55 Why you might be missing moments of your life, too 4:56 The risk of this shortcut 5:25 What he actually did to shake my reality 5:44 All of us have access to moments that can move us to tears, if we are willing to notice. 6:32 You and I are sharing an important moment right now. 7:03 I call it “sequencing” or “framing” 7:48 “You are my husband”. 8:28 It takes calling ourselves back. 9:08 This week’s homework. Photo by Gordon Williams on Unsplash Podcast Produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Mia Kelley

Politeness teaches us to ignore what is right in front of us. Curiosity gives us permission to get out loud again, name what’s present and revive our nerve endings. In this episode, I invite you to reclaim curiosity with me.  1:00 She asked me about what was right under my nose. 1:57 We learned to get less bold and started pretending. 2:42 If our culture’s value is to be anesthetized, then curiosity will always be a threat. 3:23 My physical body guides my curiosity. 4:00 Valerie Kaur and her book See No Stranger and her quote about wonder 5:57 Engaging curiosity involves turning the volume back up on your attention that has been muted. 6:28 Your body will start lighting back up when you follow your curiosity. 7:00 Story about coffee with a new friend who couldn’t reciprocate my curiosity 8:06 Following our curiosity means taking risks. 8:26 This week’s homework – play “Spotlight” with your partner. 9:48 Politeness taught us to ignore – curiosity returns permission to name what’s present. Resources: See No Stranger: A Memoir & Manifesto of Revolutionary Love (2020) by Valerie Kaur. https://valariekaur.com/see-no-stranger/ Photo by Photos by Lanty on Unsplash Podcast produced by Sal De Rosalia Music composed and performed by Mia Kelley

Boundaries not only protect us, they make it possible for us to let others in. However, if your emotional sensitivity is a survival mechanism, it can feel impossible to stop taking responsibility for others. In this episode, I describe the challenge of boundaries for highly empathic people and include essential action steps for restoring a feeling of control in your relationships. 1:09 I got confused about boundaries at a young age 2:30 I call this “empathy activated in the jungle” 3:10 Empathy without boundaries exacts a high price from the empathizer 3:57 How Obi-Wan Kenobi guided the jedis to befriend the force 4:22 Our adult work is to install the control deck 4:45 We lose respect for ourselves when we let others overstep us 5:15 I fall in love with myself when this happens 6:10 Boundaries help us feel the magnet 6:38 You can be with them but not become them  6:45 Aaron Johnson of Holistic Resistance and his example of boundaries 6:22 “To not be invincible is how I ground myself” 8:19 This is a good way to start your boundaries practice 8:58 This week’s practice 9:28 Boundary mantras to repeat Resources: Holistic Resistance and their anti-racist, community fostering programs have changed my life.  I can't recommend them enough and encourage you to sign up for one of their offerings. Photo by Alvin Lenin on Unsplash Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia Music composed and performed by Mia Kelley

When the tough stuff in relationships arise, most adults look the other way which can be deadly for the quality of our relating over time.  But if you have options, you don’t have to default to avoidance.  In this episode, I offer a 5-step process for addressing conflict in healthy ways. 00:29 Here’s what I mean by conflict 1:47 Two main consequences of long-term conflict avoidance 2:52 Like trying to eat dinner over a field of land mines 3:04 Avoidance diminishes the quality of our relating 3:15 Why we avoid 4:31 Our relationship norms have dictated that anything but happy was bad 6:07 They have their heads stuck up a dark, stinky place (don’t do this). 7:13 5-step preventive process for addressing conflict in healthy ways 8:55 Put the feelings on the table without trying to fix, solve or blame 9:36 This week’s homework    Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash Podcast produced by Sal DeRosalia