Podcast appearances and mentions of david waldman

David Waldman attempts to catch us up on last weekend before next weekend. Good luck! Sick of winning yet? You would think that Donald K. Trump might be sick of spinning losses as wins by now, but no. Some say that Trump's Iran truce has the "hallmarks of defeat", primarily the hallmark of "not winning", but "losing". But unless you actually read the terms of the agreement, all you have are facts and evidence on which to base your opinion. We do know that now Donald is mad at Bibi until the moment that Trump needs Netanyahu's, Isreal's, Evangelical's, or a donor's support. Elon Musk doesn't need much from anybody yet seems so needy. Elon egged on a race riot in Belfast, Northern Ireland, when he could have just had one Ubered in. Jeffrey Epstein paid a Palm Beach deputy to get special treatment in jail. Everything Trump touches turns into… petty insults and endless lawsuits.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin whoop it up for one thing or the other on today's KITM. Winning! The Knicks win and New York couldn't be happier. Losing! Trump's name comes off the Kennedy center. Trump hides his shame under a tarp while the scheming and rigging continue without pause. Winning!? The US declares victory and high tails it before the many Taco Tuesdays to follow. Pete Hegseth occasionally let Iran win so that the victory would be twice as sweet. It's hard to count the number of losers at the UFC thing Sunday. From airline pilots to US service members. As everything, there was only intended to be one winner. Abraham Lincoln suspended Habeas Corpus during the civil war, so why can't Stephen Miller do it to win an argument or two? Maggie Haberman has another house payment, so we get another news flash. Maybe she was just doing her job. I can't believe this is a news story! Extra-fat butter makes your baked potatoes out of this world!

On today's KITM, we bring in David Waldman, who brings in Greg Dworkin, who brings in the latest primary updates and some news summaries, which is perfect, exactly what we needed them to do. There are a bunch of important elections this month, with some big ones yesterday. Going anti-Trump is working out well for Dems, not so much for Gops. Nancy Mace does hate the Trans but was not a true believer in hushing up the Epstein files, so she doesn't even get a participation trophy. Nothing to be too proud of there. Lindsey Graham still had to spend the kind of money some spend on a reflecting pool just to stay in office. On the other hand, Graham Platner ran the gauntlet and came out unscathed even without Kellyanne Conway's approval. Mike Johnson knows that he's never smelled anything like this around Trump. A yearslong effort to woo Trump culminates with the World Cup. Why? Sending Donald cash usually results in a quick turnaround. Donald K. Trump might be getting sick of winning, but he wants to see his arch before he gets too sick. Trump's arch could become taller than the Statue of Liberty, the same way Trump Tower became taller than the World Trade Center.

David Waldman fit a KITM into his Tuesday schedule, and ours! Everybody saw this coming. The New York Knicks won 13 times in a row, then Donald K. Trump touched their winning streak, and it died. Trump was greeted by boos. He was booed while he was there. He was booed as he was leaving. Trump heard "cheering", because he's an idiot or he thinks you are, or both. Trump was a deluded liar on Meet the Press. Are all Gops deluded liars? Are all MAGA? JD Vance and Mike Johnson are here to lie to the deluded. Omar Artan was set to be the first Somali to referee at the World Cup, but won't now, because he is Somali… It says it right there on his papers. Black Americans are moving back to southern states, which is why southern whites are in such a hurry to block them. Virginia was the first southern state to pass an assault weapons ban, which its rural counties won't enforce. JD Vance wants Tim Walz investigated for fraud. Trump wants to transfer billions in Iranian assets to Jared Kushner. Trump says he will not nominate Bill Pulte to be permanent intelligence chief. That's ok, John Thune will handle it. Todd Blanche loves Donald so much that he'll handle anything for him.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin recall the weekend and envision the week on today's KITM. Donald K. Trump burned through 11 layers of makeup before doddering off the set of Hee Haw/Meet the Press on Sunday. Facts do anger Trump but will never stop him. Donald makes it about himself. If he can make America's 250th anniversary all about him, why not some basketball game? If the game can't be played, Trump can stand in the center of the court and bask… in whatever they want to bask him in. It doesn't matter as long as he's being basked. Scott Pelley was at CBS supervising the editing of videos to make ICE protesters look like rioters, when Bari Weiss came along and tried to make him cross his ethical line. Brendan Carr can tell you it is the boss who always draws the ethical lines. Often it is the boss who erases the ethical lines. Anywhere the Trump Supreme Court draws a line, at that moment it is exactly where that line should go. If there was a Purcell principle for Secretaries of State, it was just violated in Texas. Meanwhile, Ken Paxton's defense lawyer endorses James Talarico.

David Waldman's house is on the blink. The basement wiring is frayed, the ceiling skylight is plastered over, and some guy is running around with a chainsaw. Yet, David remained focused on delivering a KITM in the quality that you've come to expect. Donald K. Trump says Bill Pulte won't be his nominee for director of national intelligence… well, not his "permanent" choice, whatever that means. Gops aren't voting for Bill, which means a lot more. Trump's Jan 6 slush fund is dead, dead, dead, but might be feeling better soon. The Senate passed a reconciliation bill without driving a stake through its heart. Now, the SAVE act, that's pretty much dead. So, Trump's description of the War Powers Resolution should be expected to be "wrong, misleading in a way in which it is true, but irrelevant"... and it is all of those things. But what is the War Powers Resolution, and what really sets it apart from your regular run-of-the-mill war powers resolutions? David knows and tells!

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin ponder and elucidate the world's mysteries and conundrums on today's KITM, and probably their off hours as well. As polls go, Donald K. Trump is the loserest. While Trump loses, folks prefer Sherrod Brown even more. Not just in comparison to Trump, but to the palooka he's running against, too. Zohran's Mamdanimentum mounts even after election. People now publicly cheer his political ads! It's Zohran vs Donald at Knicks' Game 3 at Madison Square Garden! Momentum always seems to be heading in the opposite direction of Graham Platner, but he presses on. The Trump Supreme Court gives Alabama a chance to use a map already found to be unconstitutional, which wouldn't seem like something SCOTUS would do, until you remember that they aren't SCOTUS anymore. The Gop House voted for a resolution to end the Iran war, which everyone knows that we won through obliteration ages ago, like Viet Nam. Meanwhile, the Senate voted to finally consider funding immigration enforcement agencies, following their decision to pretend that Trump has given up on his Jan 6 slush fund.

It's one of those Wednesdays after one of those Tuesdays. David Waldman would be delighted to have Greg Dworkin haul in his Raft O' Stories™ anytime, but June's Tuesdays are looking to be extra special. In New Jersey, Adam Hamawy won a 12-candidate Democratic primary and might face ex-Independent ex-Libertarian ex-Independent ex-Libertarian Republican Gregg Mele, a perpetual underdog despite his catchy slogan. California is still counting their many votes, but the name to know gubernatorially is Xavier Becerra. The thing to know in Iowa is that Donald K. Trump is a fat loser and will continue to be both for the foreseeable future. Trump is a cartoon villain who is finally beginning to lose in cartoonish ways. Sadly, this villain lives in the real world with us. The guy that Trump has picked to take over the Department of National Intelligence, Bill Pulte, seems to have entered from a darker, yet more funny, unreality, again, unfortunately all too real. Scott Pelley died with his boots on, fighting for the life of 60 Minutes. Will his CBS comrades fight or hide? Meanwhile, the Trump Supreme Court rules from the shadows again, throwing another election, this time to Alabama.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin describe two hours of highlights from the unending parade of stupidity and corruption. Even with all the money coming in from Brawndo and other sponsors, millions in "partner investment" into the UFC Freedom 250 have been unaccounted for. We all know where it's all going, though. The attending audience will represent a cross-section of America's rich and beautiful. Trump got a $620 million deal for his ne'er-do-well sons. He has routed billions to them this year. You got something against a father's love? Donald K. Trump has identified the camel not once, twice, but four successful times in a row, a presidential record that should stand for all time, unlike his name on the Kennedy Center. Trump's drone-proof DronePort might not happen either. Good news! Delinquent credit card balances are 13%! Gas prices are high now, and higher soon! People will be spending money like they have never spent before! Nobody is sicker of winning than farmers, which is why they support… Trump. If MAGA can't afford gas, they'll walk to the polls to vote Trump. Creating a Blue Texas would be as tough as taking Christ out of Christianity, so… pretty doable, actually. In Alaska, all Gop Dan Sullivan has to fear is Dan Sullivan himself.

It might be an uneventful weekend, if there are no anomalies. David Waldman and KITM could be the biggest thrill you get! Martina McBride, Bret Michaels, Milli Vanilli, and scores of other bands and performers that you were dimly aware of decades ago are now bowing out of Trump's "Freedom 250". Groups are vying to sign up so that they too can bail out for the street cred. Kid Rock is still waiting for his invitation. Trump Is spending millions to cover four horse statues in gold before he selects one as Senator at the event. But of course, he did: Trump is having the DOJ launch a criminal investigation on his rape victim, E. Jean Carroll. But of course, it is: This investigation is a major headache for Senate Gops. A judge has temporarily blocked Trump from ladling out slush to his Jan 6 troopers, while fraud charges are being investigated against him.  Kilmar Abrego Garcia is not guilty again and again, while probably never to actually go free. Joe Biden has plenty of reasons to sue the DOJ and has picked one. Trump refiles his lawsuit against the Wall Street Journal, because he can. Shhh… Samuel Alito's son has been quietly working for Trump's Treasury department. History's biggest pyramid scheme might not be propping up America's economy for much longer.

David Waldman has more crazy to tell us about. Greg Dworkin has discovered more polls to share. We shall reconvene forthwith. 4.5% of the Texas voting population has spoken, electing deplorable Ken Paxton over deplorable wannabee John Cornyn. That' sa lot of deplorables, enough for a Trump win, maybe enough fora Republican loss. At least that's the dream. Today, the good news is that James Talarico has shaken up the race and gave life to the Democratic cause across the state. Texas Gop money will pour into convincing their voters that they are capable of holding their noses tight enough to vote for Paxton. More importantly, with John Cornyn gone, so is the money and clout that he brought to the state as a ranking Senator. Seniority used to be the path to money and clout in government. Those days seem long gone. To commemorate their departure, Donald K. Trump hopes to pass some illegal tender to the geeks and carnies out in the back yard building a stage for the Milli, or Vanilli concert. Nicki Minaj, Kid Rock and Ted Nugent are too big for this gig… oops, Milli Vanilli ends up locating a threshold of embarrassment. Trump has no threshold. Trump threatens to attack Oman, intervened to score another $640 million for Junior, and $13.1 million for his pool boy. He wants to jail his rape victim, E. Jean Carroll.

David Waldman is joined by Greg Dworkin and his Raft O' Stories, Polls, and Election Results™. Yay! Ken Paxton won last night! Any candidate Donald K. Trump wants is pretty much who Democrats want. Fraud and sex abuse are becoming planks in the Republican platform. James Talarico invites John Cornyn supporters to vote for him. Most won't, but some will, and their votes count just as well. It is doubtful that many embarrassed Cornyn voters will be voting for Talarico, but he needs all the help he can get. Dems understand this and are aiming for more unity and a bigger tent this go-round. Some get that more than others. Al Green got it but has gotten it long enough. Mysterious Meddlers paid through Gop channels are placing fake Dems in primaries, including Texan Maureen Galindo, who is a lot more MTG than AOC. South Carolina's Gop gerrymander might be too late. Alabama's might be too racist. Neither Trump nor his Supreme Court gives a damn. Trump isn't fooling anyone. Everyone knows he's full of shit. That might make lying to your face even more satisfying really, because he can. Trump emptied the Board of Peace cookie jar while no one was looking, not that it was unexpected. Why bother putting effort into peace if it doesn't put money in his pockets? You might remember being assigned Roots: The Saga of an American Family, the book and miniseries in school. Well, Tennessee schools are able to assign it again!

It's Memorial Day, a contemplative, ruminative, respectful holiday... He's going to either drop nukes or golf today, isn't he? Maybe both? David Waldman and Greg Dworkin reflect upon the holiday, and wax nostalgic on the days that giants strode the halls of congress. Every day is Donald Trump Day for Donald K. Trump. It's easier for him to remember. Donald Trump days will eventually run out though... eventually. They are at least becoming shorter all the time. Therefore, it makes sense for Trump to concentrate on finishing up his bunker. Trump might be the only one who actually believes that this bunker is the only one that he will have available to him. Memorial Day is definitely not the day Trump would want to contemplate his Iran war. Trump would never have had to wage this war if Barack Hussein Obama hadn't committed so much competency. Speaking of competency, that's the one thing CBS would never allow these days or would never allow if anyone competent worked there anymore.

More stuff happened™; therefore, David Waldman made a KITM to tell us about it. The heist was running so smoothly… The DOJ was to pretend to stop a robbery, the IRS was to hand them the cash out the back door… Split the haul, plenty to go around… Then somebody got greedy. The Trump family wanted a cut of everything, forever. That got everyone's attention, so now things aren't so quiet anymore. The Senate GOP canceled their ICE bill vote over it. House and Senate Democrats are doing something about it. Gop Ralph Norman says that Jan. 6 was staged by Trump haters, except for the ones who were convicted of crimes who are heroes. Gop Thom Tillis says he won't vote for Iran war powers resolution and is against the Jan 6 slush fund because it is bad policy, it's bad timing and it's bad politics. Donald hates that nitpicking. John Thune doesn't know what to do, so he'll just go home. There are no cameras where Gop Tom Kean is… in San Francisco, Las Vegas, and several local banks. A federal judge told the White House personnel to comply with Presidential Records Act. Well, some of them. Some you can't tell anything. Federal prosecutors have dismissed all charges against the "Broadview Six," as it was looking like the lawyers themselves were the ones deserving of going to jail. Judges have ruled against ICE 10,000 times. That isn't enough. There is now a nationwide arrest warrant for an ICE agent, and that isn't enough. It turns out that the Trump Iran war was mostly for Israel and is destroying the world economy, who'd guess? Update: Clavicular has avoided jail time for shooting a dead alligator in public… and no, he wasn't "that" happy to see the verdict, those are actually shopping bags full of soup cans in his pants.

The "Clavicular of Podmaxxers", David Waldman, is joined by Greg Dworkin today in mogging MAGA, amongst others, on today's KITM. Jeffrey Epstein! That is why this is all happening, but don't knock the grift. There's Donald K. Trump's patriotic Jan 6 slush fund grift, the $1.776 billion Looting of America, marked down from $10 billion Just for you… and because Donald couldn't get the $10 billion. $8 billion off, and it's still corruption like nobody's ever seen, and anyhow, he and his boys have plenty of time to pick up the rest. That is, if the rest of the gang doesn't wuss out on him, or the cops don't stop him. Gops might drop Trump's billion-dollar ballroom grift, at least a billion dollars of it. There are still the drone-proof drone empire, and the Trump Presidential Spider Hole to grift. And, the Arch grift, which is as the Founders would have wanted. There is also the Trump-Bibi-Iran War grift, racking up an extra $40,000,000,000.08 In gas so far. David discovered a bargain with E15 gas, which might not be a great bargain in the long haul, but his car will just learn to toughen up in these tough times. Democrats could be in disarray, but so are Republicans, the good news is that Dems are used to it. 90% of the Colorado Democratic Party voted to reprimand Governor Jared Polis. Voters generically like Democrats but specifically dislike Republicans. Once they get to know Dems, they might like them better. Trump wins more, even as more hate him. Voters would prefer the Democrats they don't know over Trump. RIP, Barney Frank, who would have had fun, and would have been fun in today's politics.

David Waldman is fighting a cold while fighting the good fight, hell, you got something to fight, he'll fight it. No beef with Greg Dworkin though. That guy is cool. Donald K. Trump is in 'GINA with his most trusted advisors: money. Listening to Xi Jinping talking Thucydides makes a much more restful naptime than listening to Lil' Marco LuLu Rubio. The Trump Iranian war rages because Fetterman is more MAGA than Murkowski. Meanwhile, Ukraine and Denmark make winning wars more accessible for the budget conscious. Generic Democrats are breaking away from generic Republicans in generic ballots, which is great news, as many Democrats are pretty generic. Listen, if people want someone who believes in causes that they will fight for, Hareem Jeffries will look into that, sure. The Trump Counterterrorism Strategy makes protesters Antifa and Antifa terrorists, while LGBT and Q are qualified from birth.

David Waldman welcomes back Greg Dworkin for all the laughs and links: Samuel Alito cited "fudged data", some say "lied", in order to gut voting rights, as if Trump's Supreme Court needed to lie to gut voting rights. Tennessee won't stop with eliminating voting rights for blacks, any rights will do. Now they did it! Dems are angry now, just watch them do… something! Voters are voting Democratic because there is no way it could be worse. In fact, in Nebraska, they voted Dem Cindy Burbank in (over the fake Dem William Forbes) because she promised to drop out to strengthen the Independent candidate Dan Osborn against the Republican Pete Ricketts. In Connecticut, they are voting out the 14-term incumbent, John B. Larson, to put in the "do something" candidate, Luke Bronin. The Donald K. Trump Iran war continues. The only thing Trump hates more than Iranians are Americans. He doesn't hate Iran that much. After all, he destroyed more US missiles than Iranian ones. Does Donald hate the press or women more? Trump is in China on behalf of world peace and has been so busy with plans to cut the world into pieces that he didn't talk to the press for the 20-hour trip over there. There will be plenty of CEOs to talk with, so Xi Jinping might just let Trum nap. Chinese Communist spy and former Arcadia Mayor Eileen Wang probably could have used a ride back to China, after she pled guilty to acting as an illegal foreign agent.

David Waldman returns to KITM World Headquarters from his Great American Road Trip, sponsored by Boeing, Toyota, Shell, Royal Caribbean, United Airlines, Google, and Enterprise… No, wait, that was Sean Duffy, who took 7 months paid time off from Porn Hub to make the kind of TV show that only Kristi Noem and Kash Patel could have come up with. The national debt is outgrowing the G.D.P. Putting a lien on Donald K. Trump's ballroom and arch won't be enough to address his spendthrift ways, and the usual cost prevention method of killing the poor and weak is never as effective as expected. People are sick of all of the defeating we're doing in Iran; we might not be able to stand much more. Orange is the new MAGA, as a presidential pardon won't keep Michele Fiore out of prison or help Tina Peters escape hers. Ghislaine Maxwell is a different story. In fact, fellow inmates can stay in prison longer by just talking about her.

David Waldman is coming home! That's good, because the place has been falling apart without him. The Waldmans still have some tourism left in them though. They stopped at Lambert's Cafe (The Home of THROWED ROLLS!) to get their fill of hog jowls and fried chicken. I have catched some rolls there myself and recommend it. Later they stopped at Uranus, which I hear is a quite popular destination, although I personally have never had the pleasure of a visit. Chief Justice of the Trump Supreme Court, John Roberts asserts that his Supreme Court is not political. Giggling right-wing partisans wholeheartedly agree. Democrats who prefer to wait until all hope is lost feel that time might soon be approaching. Who would guess that Alligator Alcatraz would be a bad idea? Probably anyone who considered why its namesake closed. Rudy Giuliani is still "alive". Cigar aficionado Giuliani, 81, remains in poor health because of a noun, a verb, and 9/11. A Secret Service agent at a Trump event followed a woman up to her room, took off all of his clothes, and masturbated in the hallway. Even in the Kash Patel era, this is considered "unprofessional". Donald K. Trump had his "Military" force Apple to stop his iPhone from autocorrecting Melania's name to "Melody". He directed his motorcade to drive through the National Mall reflecting pool. Oh, and he kills a lot of people, too. What can you do about all of this? You can do many, many things. But you could begin with sending a letter to Congress for better treatment of public lands and federal employees or sending this letter demanding to stop further NPS staffing cuts and restore their staff!

Today on his travels, David Waldman sighted a Scissortail Flycatcher, a Wilson's Phalarope, a Lesser Yellowlegs, a quite rare Joan Jett Blakk, and several interesting news stories that he would like to share. Donald K. Trump tacoed on his Iran war, then he tacoed on the taco, while threatening to taco his taco-taco. Stephen Colbert hates one of the tacos, so does Hugh Hewitt. Polymarket loves all the tacos. France is betting things are going to get worse. Chief Justice John Roberts says the Trump Supreme Court isn't being political; you are being political. Sam Alito says he isn't being political; it's Ketanji Brown Jackson. Neil Gorsuch says he isn't being political; it's the other 8 justices. Gops say… thank you. Trump is dumping toxic waste into a public golf course, as he exclusively dumps bodies into his. The judge isn't going to go all "Amy Poehler" about it. Gops determine that raising the price of Trump's ballroom to a billion dollars should secure them the House in the midterms. Oh well, YOLO, if they're going to crash and burn, they might as well aim to make a big hole.

David Waldman continues his travels, seeing the sights, absorbing the history, browsing the merch, recording a podcast! Donald K. Trump is a loser, and everyone knows it, even him, or at least he'll be figuring that out real soon. The Trump-Iran war is a catastrophe turning into a bigger catastrophe that Trump's tacos can no longer save. In fact, if Trump doesn't crash soon, we all will crash big. MAGA loves failures that pretend they aren't. That was Trump Media's selling point. The DOJ quit minding laws a while back, now they're just the muscle to take down 78-year-old scientists. A few Indiana state Senators didn't like rigging elections, so Trump had them 86'd, if you pardon the term. The SAVE act would have sunk democracy, but not passing it earns Gop pity points. Ohio's back, baby! Well, almost. Now we need to get Sherrod Brown and Dr. Amy Action! Acton into office.

David Waldman, on his way out of Santa Fe, knew that he shouldn't have taken that left turn at Albuquerque and has ended up driving along the Champs-Élysées chased by a local chef. While he waits for his GPS to recalculate, David thought he would record a few stories that we might enjoy. The gunshot victim found in the trunk of a carduring a traffic stop in San Marino isn't quite dead yet. Neither is Rudy Guiliani. The guy shot by the Washington Monument is doing comparatively well, as is the child bystander. The US economy, however, is at death's door, pulling Jerome Powell out of retirementbefore he could even get into it. Donald K. Trump proclaims that war is over! Pete Hegseth announces that the ceasefire is holding! The bombs that drop and the boats that sink from this moment on are a brand-new war that we are now fighting againstthose despicable Hormuzians who should not be confused with any other local deplorables. The newspaper in David's hotel lobby confirms what we've all suspected: Trump is crazy. He will always be crazy. He is getting crazier. We are all going crazy with him. Meanwhile, we have Rosalyn MacGregorbreaking the news to us that some Dems don't mind going low against one another in a primary. Candidate Joanna Whaleyunfortunately, has heard it all before.

East bound and down, David Waldman is loaded up and truckin' through the Saguaro with his significant staffer to deliver our latest KITM. The Donald K. Trump Notta War quietly rages on as the Navy kills Iranians with kindness, and other ordnance. If Trump pulls a few thousand soldiers out of Germany, where is he going to put them? What shall we do with the drunken Hegseth? Iran makes social media a key front in war against America Trump wants a favor from Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum. Granting Trump a favor never does anyone any favors. The US never asks permission for anything they do in Mexico anyhow. Infowars aired its last episode this week, and also their first episode. The difference is that this Infowars will pay their debts.

David Waldman is still travelling through California and he's feeling swell! And so can you by visiting our sponsor of sorts, FEELING SWELL! Greg Dworkin returns! He has a Raft O' Stories™ too! (With minimal X-crap) Donald K. Trump is disliked. He is disapproved. He's taking down his Gops heading into the midterms. Trump's approval has hit a record low among his core voters. Just ask them, they'll tell you… before they vote JD Vance in '28. Don't you wish all politics could be just local again? There goes the Voting Rights Act. There go voting rights. Why is there so much confusion about the White House Correspondents Association shooter? Yep, you guessed it. Republicans held it together just long enough to end the DHS shutdown.

David Waldman and KITM, now departing from San Luis Obispo with stops at Lompoc, Ventura, Azusa… and Kook…amonga! All aboard! For MAGA, "owning the libs" means being "hotter" than them too, by Trump's definition. Rosalyn MacGregor returns with an article by Michael Cohen, that Michael Cohen, warning us about Project 2025 and the hidden war on women to be fought over the next 250 years. Trump's 60 Minutes interview was edited, even though Trump sued 60 Minutes for editing interviews. That sounds hypocritical. Democrat's redistricting win lasted a few hours before being blocked by a court order, which unfortunately has not been halted by the Virginia Supreme Court. The Southern Poverty Law Center has been indicted for paying the groups it has helped to expose and prosecute for 55 years. The administration does not have a case, because a case would make a quick and easy smear campaign difficult and time consuming.

Today, David Waldman and KITM Production Staff drove through Monterey California on route to Lover's Point. I wasn't supplied with the links to that, but they did supply links to some news topics that they discussed: There was that "ballroom shooting"… John Fetterman and Lindsey Graham wish that you just get over your TDS by picking up the tab on the Donald K. Trump Ballroom. Security is much tighter on you reading Cole Tomas Allen's manifesto than it was on Cole Tomas Allen and his guns, because Trump would rather be shot than embarrassed. Trump called off Witkoff and Kushner's travel to Pakistan for peace talks because Trump would rather have everyone shot than be embarrassed… which is pretty damn embarrassing. New Jersey Gop Tom Kean Jr. has disappeared! Just follow the money. Trump has been known to recycle a lot at his private golf clubs, but why is he choosing to dump East Wing rubble, plus another thousand or so truckloads of dirt, into a public park, unless he planned on making it someone's private golf club?

This weekend, David Waldman met Justice Putnam and his snoozing sous-chef, drove through a tree and interviewed sealions, what more do you want, news? Okay! A firearm was discharged in the vicinity of the Washington Hilton Saturday night. Kari Lake seized the suspect before he could escape. On an adjacent floor, JD Vance immediately evacuated, then was escorted out by secret service agents. Some elderly bystander claimed to have witnessed everything and would have saved everyone too, if he had been allowed to… There then followed a sales presentation for the construction of a competing facility, and Cole Tomas Allen deserves some of that commission. Donald K. Trump of course escaped unharmed, near death as always, and also a ranting, insecure, dotard. His polls will probably go up following this long-awaited pivot. Navy Secretary John Phelan was sending Trump naughty nautical deck pix, but they weren't impressive, so it's Hung Cao time! Hung is afraid that witches are overtaking the nation! Well, they caught the guy who was betting on military raids before they happened. Prediction markets are completely legit now.

Yes, I did recommend that tin can that David Waldman used to record today's KITM, but I did not spec out that string… David might have told you that we would have beautiful sound in "two weeks", but what he really meant to tell you is, "Don't rush" him. The Waldmans pass through beautiful Astoria, the coastal city that seems like it was plucked right out of a storybook, and like it has had a thousand movies plucked right out of it, including one of David's earlier roles in Kindergarten Cop. Donald K. Trump plans to rename everything good after himself and eliminate any bad references. That should work great, right? As long as time no longer moves forward from this point. What would accountability look like if Democrats were back in control? The ex–FBI informant who tried to Smirnov Joe Biden has been slipped out of prison. It might not be named the "Trump War", but that name will do until he gets us into something bigger. Having achieved complete victory in Iran, Trump and Pete Hegseth now are wiping out the top echelons of our armed forces. Replacements will be assigned once Donald's and Pete's visions are hashed out. The latest ousting is Navy Secretary John Phelan, who was fired after Hegseth caught him sending Donald unsolicited deck pics. Good news for anyone downwind of Trump at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner: Donald won't be sticking around for the "dinner" part; he has something to get to after his speech.

Remember "Earth Day"? My AI chat tells me that's today! It's also National Jellybean Day, for those who observe. David Waldman spent Earth Day eve riding the transportation of the future… The Seattle Monorail! (Can it really compare to the Detroit Monorail though?) Virginia is for lovers of cracking and packing, redistricting and redrawing. All hail Governor Abigail Spanberger and State Senator L. Louise Lucas! MAGA screams, John Fetterman pouts, and Barack Obama chuckles. Republicans better hurry if they want to pass anything as a majority. Then again, Mike Johnson can just hang it up right now. It's official: "Tucker Carlson – Marjorie Taylor Greene '28"! Bumper sticker: "Tucker? I hardly even knew him!" There's a good chance that Cory Mills may have committed some light rape, but he did remember that the second to the last refuge of a scoundrel is Pam Bondi. Nancy Mace, however, has a zero-tolerance policy… which is probably a good thing.

On today's KITM, David Waldman says, he was drinking at a bar in Deadwood, when in walks Rambo, who told him he was Chef Rambo… and David has been at this for less than a week. Kids today! Is it the rock and roll? No, it's the AI! AI is taking over their education, but also their thinking, undermining their persistence, curiosity and personal effort, encouraging in their place growing passivity and indifference… Or maybe not. Rape! There's an online rape academy which is not a Trump LLC. Eric Swalwell and Tony Gonzales have not been accused of rape but are ducking out before something like that happens. Murder! John Edward's body man, Justin Fairfax was accused of sexual assault, but unfortunately killed himself and sadly, also his wife. War! Children… It's just a shot away. Donald K. Trump didn't turn into a pathological sadistic narcissist overnight. It took years of work, focus and the power of positive thinking to make him whatever he is today.

Today, David Waldman is on the road again, going places that he's never been, seeing things that he may never see again… And he can't wait to try to record on the road again! Donald K. Trump is a vengeful god… Or at least he plays one on TV, which as far as the Trump administration is concerned, is exactly the same thing. Donald is of the opinion that the Pope's God is a low-IQ loser, which as far as MAGA is concerned, all opinions are equal and just like facts, and everyone's allowed to have one, not just some "Vicar of Christ" elite. Every generation gets the Axis of Evil they deserve. This time, Dems come out against the Rapture, at least under Trump's timeline. Trump is a forgiving god. He supplied Byron Noem's beard with a beard in her time of need. Now his DOJ has moved to erase the convictions of Proud Boys and Oath Keepers who led the Jan. 6 attack, some of whom will require more forgiveness than others.

We've hidden David Waldman somewhere in the United States. Follow the clues, find Kagro, and he will personally autograph the body part of his choice! Donald K. Trump might not be telling us the truth… about his height. When he stands next to people who are established to be his height, weight, etc., he seems to have embellished a bit… Of course, he could just be a moron. Trump heard that Riley Gaines might have dissed him but didn't recognize Riley as the participation trophy star of Mitch McConnell wannabe Andy Barr's campaign commercials. Gaines then had to apologize to Trump. This lying moron is the most powerful and weakest person on Earth and is destroying everything, everywhere, all at once. If Hungary can do it, we can too. In fact, Hungary is doing it for us too.

Day two of On the Road with David Waldman™ and Daily Kos is closed for renovations! If it's not one thing, it's the other. The Donald K. Trump Memorial Middle East Catastrophe is going as well as expected, with the implementation of a Trillion dollar Marshall plan for Iran, Israel booted out, and support for Iran's new nuclear program. We in turn will receive a blockade of our blockade and a shattered economy.Now, that's some deal-arting right there. Give negotiations another week and they'll have Trump sharing pictures of himself as Muhammad... Have you noticed that Trump is crazy? More and more people are beginning to notice, although only a few are taking action.

Where in the world is David Waldman? ™ David has left "on vacation" for the next few weeks... similarly to Eric Swalwell, but for quite dissimilar reasons. In fact, Mr. Waldman talked to me in a small Ohio diner only yesterday and just might be heading to your town soon! Only a few days ago, Donald JFC Trump announced a beautiful joint venture, shaking down tankers with Iran on the Strait of Hormuz. The following day, Donald discovered that those Iranian bastards were holding on to his cut! Two days later, Trump decided to set up his toll booth a hundred yards ahead of Iran's, then flay and impale those trying to hop his turnstiles. (This is all about Uranium, by the way.) Who's to blame? JD Vance is set to be Trump's Biden of the midterms. Vance's failure in Iran folded right into his failure in Hungary. "Obliterated Iran" and "Unoustable Orbán" were pretty slow pitches to whiff, too. The Trump administration has been trying to explain to our allies that the greatest threat to the world are the people most opposed to the Trump administration, and if those countries don't believe that, then they are also the greatest threat to the world. Trinidad's prime minister is using that same energy to aim US guns at those who oppose her.

We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when… But I know we'll meet again some sunny day! Tomorrow, David Waldman might be broadcasting under the cloud of a nuclear winter, but today we still have the Tuesday KITM to bring you. Whether he tacos again or not, Donald K. Trump has lost his "fuckin'" mind.  Trump has already brought hell to the Middle East, so what's a few million more degrees? Donald was going kill some soldiers to steal the oil because that's what "businessmen" do... He might still kill some soldiers to steal the uranium, because that is what Mark Levin would do. Any country might now consider shooting at the US out of self-defense… except Canada, unless Charles turns his back for a minute. While he's out destroying civilizations, Trump hasn't forgotten about ours. His new voting executive order is lightweight, ambiguous, confusing, and confused, which totally tracks, and of course Trump never skimps on the unconstitutionality. Kristi Noem almost let sunlight touch Stephen Miller before he could scramble back to his sarcophagus. Hubby Bryon's balloon boobies were busted as a result, although the real security risk was out in the open. JD Vance will take over for the self-humiliation this week by rallying for Viktor Orbán on behalf of Trump and Putin. Each day is an opportunity to be duped by AI. Yesterday it was MAGA Republicans, tomorrow it could be someone important.

Dyngus Day! David Waldman and Greg Dworkin float in with another Raft O' Stories™, swept on the Eastertide. The Trump World War is now entering its third 2 weeks of total triumph. Bombing Iran to the stone age isn't mogging Iran quite enough, however, and Trump has mushroom cloud dreams.  In fact, yesterday Donald renamed the Hormuz Strait the "Fuckin'" Strait and made an Easter day conversion to Islam in preparation for his final day of judgment. Marjorie Taylor Greene knows from crazy, and she's seeing some crazy. Strait traffic is picking up as more countries have been convinced to line up at the toll booths. This might slow but won't stop the biggest oil crisis in history from hitting us all. Pete Hicseth is in the process of culling all officers determined not crusade-ready.  Not everyone is suited to be a holy warrior, sometimes even white guys have to be eliminated. The Justice Department says that Trump doesn't need to hand over his presidential records after he's finished destroying the world. Democrats are winning over the left and "double haters" to claim their future share of the debris. U.S. Marshals waived training rules for Elon Musk's armed DOGE security. Mark Zuckerberg offered to censor Meta users to help DOGE out. Kristi Noem's husband, Bryon Noem, has been reported to have lived a "secret double life" which involves the wearing his not so secret "double D's". Kristi, Bryon, and Corey have been reported to live a secret triple life that rhymes with "fuckin'".

David Waldman wishes everyone a good Friday. Donald K. Trump fired Pam Bondi, surprising no one but Pam, who begged like a dog for mercy, in vain. Donald tacos only to stop his own tears. Was it Epstein? Not enough enemies locked up? Maybe Trump just couldn't take the smell of her nose anymore... he did have to switch seats when she sat too close. Bondi is no doubt relieved that she doesn't have to take orders from the Chip Roys of the world. By the way, Todd Blanche will be worse. Bondi's is not the only regime being changed. Pete Hic-seth is taking advantage of all the downtime to eliminate any vestiges of leadership lingering in the armed forces. Pete's problem is that these guys can fire back. Kash Patel would be an obvious choice to stick in your Kalshi, but Tulsi Gabbard might be gaining on him. Trump will cram in some more tariffs while he still can. The House punts on Homeland Security funding, as they have tended to do. Trump's other killing field, Iran, doesn't worry the stock market as much, because the kickbacks are still great at the moment. In two weeks however expect some big changes… like American casualties, war crimes and another regime change or two to shake things up. Colorado appeals court ordered a redo of violent criminal Tina Peter's sentence but upheld her convictions. It's time for Democrats to become arrayed in uniting states with model laws, such as the Uniform Commercial Code, for instance.

No fooling, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back today! Donald K. Trump has spent a month assembling the biggest, strongest April Fools' joke in history, and will deliver the punchline tonight. Trump is done with Iran and escalating the war and is and is not in talks and has 67,000 US Troops aiming at Kharg and yelling "Hey everybody! We're all gonna get laid!" The base loves that joke… a little less than they used to. Lindsey Graham wants the US out of Spain and is vexed about NATO yet was forever blowing bubbles in the happiest place on earth. Lindsey was having fun and that's what counts... So, Kristi Noem's husband enjoyed bimbofying, and perhaps sitting behind his wife as she was confronted on an internationally renowned affair charge? That might seem a little "cuc…", uhm "yucky" to some, but to each their own!  Don't hate Gregg Phillips because he teleports, hate the flying saucer demons. When you only govern for your base, bad things happen, especially to your polls. Everybody hates Trump. That does not mean that MAGA will vote Dem. Empathy has become so cringe, but it might be time for an earnestness comeback. In a battle of exclamation points, a federal judge halted construction of the golden Escher shack Trump was placing upon his super-secret underground war room. Now it's time to erect the Trump Tower memorial Tower! In the Supreme Court today, justices argue on how to tell Trump "no" to creating an American caste system. The only thing more difficult is trying to describe legal procedure to the hoi polloi and trolls. Karoline Leavitt demands that the ugly picture of her be removed from the internet before Trump sees it… Oh, too late!  Trump is suing himself for $10 billion and they have a good chance of winning. The Jan 6 mob want a piece of whatever's being handed out. The US Army did a ride-by of Kid Rock's house. Good thing that they have such an understanding boss. TSA workers are getting paychecks now, so really who needs Congress?

Is the news really getting dumber and more chaotic every day? There's only one way (that I'm willing) to find out! And that's by re-running our March 31, 2025 episode today. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are were, at the time, back for yet another week of KITM! How do they do it, what is their secret? No one knows! We begin the week with the White House embroiled in scandal. Which scandal? All of them! There's SignalGate, the main culprit of which has been finally determined to be JD Vance, or the news media, or an unspecified Democrat yet to be announced. JD Vance is also guilty of blowing the art of the deal in Greenland. Like Canada, Greenland has a lot to offer in both material and strategic benefits. Just think of the partnerships, alliances, and investments Trump could have potentially made if his first negotiation tactic was ever something other than a pussygrab?  Countries who turned away their pussygrabs get tariffs this Wednesday, or at least more threats of more tariffs. Nothing makes Trump angrier than someone stealing his pickup technique. Don't knock it, the Trump pussygrab has been a success with most of the media, several law firms, and an undisclosed number of SCOTUS. Following many, yet not enough, injunctions from lower-court judges, the Supreme Court has six pending emergency applications from Trump demanding to know "So like…What are we?"   Gops warned Victoria Spartz not to have town halls, but she didn't listen, and conducted a town hall in which she wouldn't listen. For Victoria, if you have to ask for due process, you must not deserve it. Think those masked guys heading your way wouldn't put a bag over your head? Surprise! Democrats will fix this all soon… we just need to get a little bit closer to their mid-term election fundraising drives, ok, please? In contrast, Donald K. Trump is already getting set for his 2028 election, and beyond. Wait a second, doesn't the Constitution prohibit that sort of thing? Where we're going, we don't need Constitutions. France on the other hand, takes these things seriously, but their guillotine must have been on the fritz because Marine Le Pen only received 5 years off from seeking office.

David Waldman drops us into the Weekend Chaos Chute™ before heading out and burning his socks, or whatever he plans to do. Donald K. Trump finally got around to paying TSA agents, around the same time the Senate agreed to fund TSA and most of DHS, but not ICE, and to blow town for Easter. The Freedom Caucus wants privatization and de-unionization more than Peeps and will cling to their shutdown. None of this will slow the ICE fraud juggernaut.  Trump's Iran heist is not going as well. The US ROI has been lower than expected, with investment costs being subsidized by outside sources. Trump is introducing Trump Bucks, which will be worth two for every 2027-dollar people will trade to get them out of their wallets. Pete Hicseth personally removed two black and two female officers from being promoted to generals. This reduces the chance that Trump will have to stand next to one. Greg Bovino won't end up kicking back in that private office he hoped for. In Wisconsin, a guy proves that voter fraud is easy, and that going to jail for it is even easier.  If Colorado governor Jared Polis caves and releases Tina Peters, his own party will probably impeach him.  Bill Pulte tries again to have Letitia James arrested for something. Elon Musk's lawsuit against advertisers who refuse to advertise with him has been dismissed... Let that sink in! Meanwhile, Trump and the DOJ feed $1.2 million back into the corruption cycle, specifically to Michael (a spy) Flynn Get out to the No Kings protests this weekend! There's one near you! You'll laugh! You'll cry! You will make new friends! You will go home singing the tunes!

Feeling Thor today? David Waldman and Greg Dworkin apply the balm of their KITM wit and wisdom. Every morning, Donald K. Trump is shown a two-minute video of Iranian things blowing up, which could explain why Trump believes that the US has totally won, or that Iran is totally obliterated each day… or he could just be pulling it out his ass. Is Trump an idiot? Crazy? Full of crap? Gops sane-wash Trump by saying whatever Trump says is true because he says it. Dems insane-wash Trump by feeling there must be some kernel of truth buried in all that gibberish. Why can't we just place Trump on a curve with "deranged" on one end and "lying" on the other and simply skip the third axis? Have you ever heard the story of the paper clip? Well, actually, the paper clip was invented 134 years ago, not 182 as Trump… Now I'm doing it! To be on the safe side, Mike Johnson arranged for Trump to be given periodic trophies. Pete Hicseth is a true believer, unfortunately for him, his boss never was. It looks like DC will need to Uber their Easter Bunny in this year as the Department of Homeland Security shutdown talks go nowhere. Sending ICE to airports isn't working for anything other than to provide their mugshots for databases, too bad the 82nd Airborne is busy. The Republican collapse has begun — and Trump is leading it. Trump's disapproval numbers are high, like no one has seen before. His approval numbers on the other hand are dying, like a dog. Among white non-college men, Trump is not so high value anymore. Here comes another election, in Maine, and it's looking good for the oyster farmer. Republicans take Democrats violating ethic rules almost as bad as Democrats do. Republicans hate Democratic gerrymandering as almost as much as they hate their own… nah, they don't mind theirs at all.

David Waldman goes wild (at David Waldman levels) on today's Spring Break KITM! The Trump-Iran war continues. We are losing, but so is everyone else, which has always been Donald K. Trump's idea of "winning".  Thousands have died. Millions might die. That's just the Art of the Deal. Donald will soon be sick of winning and will move on, once he squeezes what he can out of this. As always, every TACO feels so much better than the victories. Oil dropped 8% on Trump's recent retreat. In fact, stocks and oil futures shot up… about 15 minutes before his announcement... Hey, wait a minute! You don't suppose… that maybe… someone… Yep, they probably did. Payola is a steal these days as souls sell at bargain basement prices after Trump gluts the market. There's no mattress buying after President's Day, so why should there be voting outside of Voting Day? I mean, Sam Alito needs to worry about his fan base, you know. Trump will continue to use mail-in cheating, because it is impossible for a president to cheat, as Donald has mentioned repeatedly to all three of his wives. And, like his wives, if Trump were ever to change his mind, he can always go back and correct it. How does Alina Habba not do it? Previously irreplaceable Habba has been replaced.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin share their latest Raft O' Stories in a valiant effort to calm us TF down. World War Trump rages on… and TACOs… and rages and TACOs… You can pretty much set your watch by it. Donald K. Trump steadfastly maintains his principle of "What's in it for Trump?" but has yet to realize that retreat is his only path forward. Gerald R Ford heads for the exit. Japan pulls up to the toll gate and is waved through. Trump loses Oath Keepers founder Stewart Rhodes support and with him possibly the entire eyepatched villain voting bloc. Speaking of retreat, Dems have Gops on their heels with DHS funding. Reconciliation worked for Republicans that time, so can't it work every time? The Senate will be voting on cloture on a motion to suspend rule XXV to make in order a motion to refer the House message on the legislative vehicle for the SAVE America Act to the Rules and Administration Committee with instructions to consider legislation funding TSA, and if you think that's tough for you to understand, imagine how tough it is for Senator John Kennedy, who has enough to worry about with those commies at the Blooski. It usually takes a while and a couple of deaths to get Trump's attention, and unfortunately that's what happened with the DHS and the TSA. Just as Elon Musk was about to pretend to go for his wallet, here comes ICE to the rescue! Donald and Melania pal Paolo Zampolli wanted his and Jeffrey's ex, Amanda Ungaro deported, allegedly.   Trump breaking the economy and blowing billions on a war does not feel like a well thought out strategy heading into the midterms, but at least MAGA still loves him. That might not seem like enough to win an election, but who was talking about "win"? Joe Kent quit because he'd rather crusade against Jews. Trump doesn't see much wrong with that but is offended that Kent has remarried.  Other top-of-the-line professionals surrounding Trump include Richard Grenell, who had no arts administration experience prior to his Kennedy Center appointment and somehow now has even less. Dick should contact Gregg Phillips, head of FEMA's Office of Response and Recovery and teleport far away.

David Waldman wishes us all all of the happy things today. Let's hope that the next Persian year turns out better. What do you bet that it isn't? Chuck Norris is dead. Tough news for Pete Hegseth, who will retire his "Chuck Norris"-labeled bottle of hand lotion today. Donald K. Trump denies that he's sending troops to Iran. Trump is sending troops to Iran. What Bibi wants, Bibi gets. The Kushner Iran war already costs more than Halliburton Iraq opening, but Donald hopes to make that up in ticket sales. At 96, civil rights leader Dolores Huerta divulged that Cesar Chavez raped her. Democrats self-flagellate. Republicans flagellate. In a Transylvanian twist, the Trump Organization is eyeing property in Romania. This includes Trump's signature luxury apartments built over a dump. A Trump tower is already on the drawing board. Kristi Noem gave $140 million to the guy who bankrupted his previous airline. Really though, the goal was never to "not" bankrupt future projects, it was to sugar up her Travel Blanky, Corey Lewandowski. Trump continues to shrink in all ways imaginable, hitting Japan's Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi with Pearl Harbor jokes. James Comey picked up another subpoena to wallpaper his bathroom. Jeanine Zero Pirro wants her Jerome Powell subpoenas unblocked so that she can keep her losing streak without any asterisks.  My neck of the woods has had 40-degree temperature swings, tornadoes, meteors and bigfeet infestations lately, and now this guy.

Once again, David Waldman attempts to cram it all into two hours, and mostly succeeds. Greg Dworkin knows a worse place than the Persian Gulf, and he keeps going there for links. Out in the Gulf, the Kushner Wars rage on. Israel hit the South Pars gas field, Iran aimed at the Saudi port of Yanbu, and Donald K. Trump will blow them all up if they don't learn to play together. You know that Trump approved of Israel's attack, and so does Dan Shapiro, who frankly knows more than you and me. The Middle East heads into an all-out energy war, while the US FAFOs that fighting cheap drones can get pretty expensive. Denmark breathes a sigh of relief as their decapitation strike is postponed by several months. Oil goes way up. Gasoline goes way up. Health care, education, etc. goes way up. The national debt goes way up. Job creation is zero.  All of this could motivate voters in the midterms. Dems could fix things, if Trump lets them, and MAGA lets Trump, and November is just so far away. Markwayne Gacy Mullin is a clown. Mullin has pretended to be more things than Kristi Noem. Never has war smelled so fishy than when Markwayne recollects it. Markwayne is also a very angry clown. Unfortunately, every Congress has that one Democrat, and this one gets John Fetterman. Oh no! Say it isn't so! Cesar Chavez has been alleged to be a sex abuser and rapist as well as a civil rights icon. Panicky Dems across the nation embrace this new panic, while MAGA wonders if maybe they should install a statue to him now. Who says government moves slow? Joe Kent receives an FBI investigation within a business week from resignation.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have been monitoring the various situations as always, and are ready to report, as always. Yesterday in elections was another good one for Dems, not so much for AI and Crypto bros. The Illinois Democratic Senate primary saw record turnout and JB Pritzker saw results, with Lt. Gov. Juliana Stratton's U.S. Senate primary win. Donald K. Trump loves catfights and gets one in Texas, with John Cornyn and Ken Paxton fighting for God's endorsement. Don't expect God's blessing for the Trump-Israeli Iran war. The countries under Trump's tariffs, i.e. the world, should not be expected to be supportive, as Trump's trading of about a century of soft power hegemony for a future of perpetual intimidation now seems ill-considered. Iran controls the Strait of Hormuz which is pretty good for a country that lost the war a week ago… Thanks Trump! Don't worry, the war will only hurt "the consumers" in the US, and who is that? If consumers get a chance to vote in the midterms, things could change. Kristi Noem's proposed replacement Markwayne Mullin is just as dumb, just the faker, and almost as hated, right out of the gate. The United States lost to Venezuela, in baseball, and were such sore silver medal winners that they would rather cosplay as hockey players than gracefully accept second place.

We had Friday the 13th, Pi Day, the Ides of March, and hardly a day has passed, and there's yet another holiday! David Waldman observes most holidays, and is generally an observant guy, which is why he is a good fit for this show. There aren't many valid reasons to ask Donald K. Trump about anything. He doesn't know the answer. His answer won't make sense. His answer won't be the same the next time he's asked. Any correlation between his answer and reality will always be coincidental. And paying the slightest attention to him only encourages him, so why bother? Because, a lot of invalid journalists would lose their jobs, that's why. Laying mines in the Strait of Hormuz would be militarily advantageous for Iran, so that is what they are doing. The US strategy, therefore, was to reposition their minesweepers from the Middle East over to Malaysia. An untimely move perhaps, but nothing that can't be fixed with untested technology and a lot of money. The head of the U.S. National Counterterrorism Center resigned because he couldn't support the war in Iran… if only he shut up there. Donald is no longer his pal. It is no fun for MAGA to come up with pedophile conspiracies now that they're hitting a little too close to home, so how about the theory that the Trump Butler assassination attempt was faked? Big (and funny) if true! Today's sociopaths won't admit the error of their ways until the liberation tanks roll into their neighborhood. Senior KITM Military Correspondent Darwin Darko returns! The Department of Whatever accuses Stars and Stripes of wokeness, such as publishing basketball scores, comic strips, or the news.

David Waldman celebrates our return on Monday the 16th after cutting up all weekend. Greg Dworkin asks, what have we done? Really? Is that the rule? Is that the goal now? We are about sick of winning and winning and winning our massive multiplayer war with Iran and just about everyone else in the world, though for some reason as our hit points go up, our health bar continues to shrink. The problem is those kind might not understand that they've lost until the mainstream media agrees to broadcast our victory dances. How many years will we have to win this thing before the world envies Trump as completely as he requires? Some suggest nukes are in order, yet few agree on where to drop them. Trump's domestic war of vengeance is going about as well, as grand juries keep refusing to charge those that the DOJ are targeting. Pete Hegseth's Fox drinking buddy Jeanine Pirro persecutes 90% of those in her path, it's not her fault no one wants to join in. On the other hand, Trump defense attorney John Lauro is sad about everyone treating his boss like a crook. What made Minnesota such a target, and what makes it a solution? Everyone should take notes. What lessons can we learn from last Tuesday's Texas primary? A New Jersey Republican is running against Trump. Democrats might get the courage to run against Bibi. It's an easy decision to run against tariffs. Jared Qushnar adds his own hustle to Middle East peace talks once he figured out that their peace was getting in the way of his profit.

Lucky us! David Waldman drops us off at the end of another week, a little wiser. How stupid is Donald K. Trump, at least in regard to his Iran war? Quite a bit! This little favor for Bibi and Vlad is beginning to get out of hand for Donald. Pete Hic!seth seems to be the only guy having any fun anymore. The worst part of being an idiot is when people keep pointing it out. Today, as every other day in the last 70 years or so, Trump has to prove his critics "wrong". A naturalized citizen who lost family members in Israeli strike on Lebanon confused a country with a religion, attacked a Detroit synagogue and was shot by security, which is paid for by grants if they aren't woke. Meanwhile, a shooter at Old Dominion University met good guys without guns who unalived him, nevertheless. New details emerge on Trump's tariff refunds, in that there's pretty much no chance of seeing them. If you are a callow, unserious, incurious, insular, sexist, racist, white code-bro given the keys to government, you too would find AI tools a handy timesaver. AI does also bite back. All of the crises the White House has claimed over the last 14 months were planned in advance. All of them. Rosalyn MacGregor returns with a Michigan update/fun fact: Michiganders apparently regularly schedule themselves propositions to convene constitutional conventions! And the next chance to do it is... now! Who knew? Well, you do now. That's so cute! Well, unless they want to try to use it to secede from the union. Do they want to? Easily triggered inarticulate dimwit Markwayne Mullin was the liaison between the Senate and the House.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here to tell you much more about many more things. The Trumpiranian war continues… Not an "incursion" … an "excursion". Not a "quagmire", more of a "junket" of the sunny gulf. Not a "plan", "strategy," "policy," or "doctrine" …  more of an… uhm… Donald K. Trump has always loved the straits, but lately they've become very nasty. Sad! Trump wants the tanker captains to just floor it and knock the blockades aside, but neither they nor the US Navy can be expected to show Trump bravery under pressure. Bahrain has to hire freelancers to crush their dissidents. Back around here, Gops approach the midterms with a doomed play for unity, while Latinos show everyone how it's done in Texas. A DOGE bro deposition demonstrates how handy AI is for lazy racists without moral guardrails. Meanwhile, Kash Patel outsources FBI training to UFC fighters. Jeffreeeeey Epsteeeeeeein! while we were watching people and things blowing up real good, new Trump-Epstein files were released, they are as bad as you'd expect, they're verifiable, and there is a money trail.