Podcast appearances and mentions of david waldman

'twas the day after The Night Before Christmas, and all through the house, nobody really wanted to be responsible for making other people work. So I didn't. Uh... not even a mouse, or whatever. Today, we'll all take a moment to relax--whether you have reason to or not--and think back to a time when Christmas meant the impending departure of Donald Trump. A simpler time, when we didn't yet know that someone had blown a city block of Nashville sky high, on Trump's "watch." You could be forgiven for forgetting, though, since he also launched a MAGA assalut on the U.S. Capitol less than two weeks later. So, yes, please enjoy this, our December 24, 2020 episode! David Waldman, opens today's KITM yawning like the MGM lion, waking us up for Christmas eve: Donald Trump keeps handing out pardons like moist candy canes to anyone that met him under the mistletoe over the last few years. Donald pardoned Jesse Benton as a gift to his employers, Ron Paul and Mitch McConnell and the uncle of Benton's wife, Rand Paul… (Jesse will probably be Matt Gaetz' son by the end of the day.) Trump pardoned a former Maryland police officer whose heart he knew was in the right place. (They need to be arrested faster than Trump can pardon them.) Merry Christmas! Trump's Blackwater pardons aren't bringing much cheer to their victim's families, however. There's bound to be more today, but Dad's saving the nicest ones for under the tree in Mar-a-Lago. Greg Dworkin reminds us that actually, Donald Trump doesn't give gifts to anyone but himself. If he can take someone else's gift, it's even better. Merry F***ing Christmas to everyone in Congress with the Gop at each other's throats and Democrats trying to pull $2000 checks out of the fireplace. It seems that Trump might be a little over his head still on how government works, or how reality works for that matter. Kelly Loeffler, too. Two Republican House members voted by proxy — while simultaneously suing to ban the use of proxy voting . Ron DeSantis figures, why appoint experts when he can be the guy that says expert things? Rep.-elect Luke Letlow checked himself into the hospital for no particular reason, and is now thinking about checking out the ICU for the holidays. People who are immunocompromised or otherwise allow coronavirus to hang around for while might encourage unfortunate mutations. Did Bill Barr arrest Lev Parnas to keep him from testifying against Donald Trump? Did a Democratic House candidate lose by 6 votes after 22 votes were improperly excluded in Iowa? Did the Kansas City Star misreport on Black Kansas Citians for generations? Yes.

David Waldman takes a short break in his otherwise completely normal day to bring us news of all of the abnormalities of today. Greg Dworkin comes down the chimney with his Sack o' Stories™, attached to that unfortunate sack of Ex-Twitter ex-crement. Jeffrey Epstein is the gift that keeps on giving, and on the third day of Epstein, the DOJ gave to thee a myriad mentions of Trump, 8 Lolita Express trips, 3 criminal co-conspirators, more ties to pedophiles, but nothing much for victims of the crimes. The redactions seem excessive, but you should've seen all the ones that were pre-redacted. Sure, two thirds of Americans are allowed to have sex with little girls... once they are married in holy wedlock. It takes connections, however, to collect underage women. Just ask John Casablancas of Elite Model Management, Paolo Zampolli of ID Model Management, and that guy who founded Trump Model Management. We return to Turning Point USA's flagship event, AmericaFest, to get a sense of the harmony and unity Erika Kirk brings. Neo-Nazi terror group "the Base" is taking advantage of the anti-antifascist environment here and around the world. Trump's arch enemy, wind farms, taunt him on the horizon of his golf courses, and worse yet, help sustain the environment that refuses to kick back to him. So, until Trump can rename the wind "Trump", everyone must suffer. Bari Weiss understands the need for quality journalism yet feels that CBS should give equal weight to propaganda. It's the public's right to know, and the oligarchy's… well it's the oligarchy's. That is all you need to know. What? The Trump Supreme Court just told Trump that he can't deploy the National Guard in Illinois. Trump won't like that. Brett Kavanaugh wants everyone to know that none of this is his fault.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have returned, and already it feels like there's more sunshine today. There! The DOJ released less than a percent of the Epstein files. Happy now? Apparently, dumping 500 pages with black lines over previously accessible documents and removing photos that even they had released previously fails to meet the spirit of the Epstein Files Transparency Act… Ok, the law of the Epstein Files Transparency Act, along with several other laws. It does fulfill the spirit of screwing as many as possible while keeping your buddies' backs, however. You couldn't catch the latest 60 Minutes episode because Bari Weiss caught and killed it first. CBS says the story wasn't ready, but it did take a while for Bari Weiss to get her story together as well. Trump is removing dozens of career diplomats from overseas posts, because what would they know? Louisiana Governor Jeff Landry will be special envoy to Greenland, because Jeff is a noted expert on agreeing with Trump.  Landry will remain Governor as Louisiana's constitution does not explicitly prohibit "side hustles". Nobody told ambassador to Israel Mike Huckabee to not to talk with Jonathan Pollard, who was convicted of selling American secrets for Israeli gold, who now hates Donald K. Trump for selling America for Saudi gold. The getting is good for Cynthia Lummis and Elise Stefanik, so they're gone, while Mike Johnson might not be aware that he's already been quiet fired.  The Federal Reserve pre-fired 11 of its 12 regional bank presidents before Trump could. How does Lindsey Halligan keep not doing it?

We're finally saying "Happy Hanukkah" again! David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bring glad tidings and pertinent information. Is it better when Donald K. Trump goes on primetime to say nothing? If so, Trump delivered last night. It was tough to come up with takeaways or see any points Trump made, even with PowerPoint, but even harder to paint anything he said as factual, truthful, or remotely not deranged. Trump blamed everyone but him and was furious that all credit did not go to him, so expect this speech periodically through the rest of his term. The one piece of actual news is the promise of Merry Christmas checks to armed service members, in other words, the "basic allowance for housing" that hubristic underhanded moron is BS-ing unassuming GIs, by calling it a "warrior dividend". If Trump wasn't so bad at corruption he could have retired by now. Susie Wiles hasn't lasted this long by going around pointing out everyone's moral, legal or rational shortcomings, you know. Democrats are, of course, frustrated by their lack of control in the House, but it could be worse. They could be Mike Johnson. In other acronym news, Congress wants to know why the Space Force needs a SOCOM, or "special operations component command".

David Waldman addressed the nation today. If you were unable to catch it live, you can replay with the link provided above. Click click click… Greenland… Canada… The TACO wheel o' war might be coming to rest on Venezuela as US battleships cross the Andes to surround Trump's oil, land other assets. Join Master of Ceremonies Donald K. Trump tonight as he countdowns the number of corpses he has to feed into this Epstein thing. Trump's National Security Strategy is none of those things. It's not even Trump's, as what's in it for him? Greg Dworkin hauls in some polls from the awful place. That doesn't make them awful, of course, only suspect. Democrats are gigantically overperforming at this moment. That could change if the economy improves, and there is no way that is going to happen, and even MAGA knows it. Republicans unravel! Gops make or break moment on Obamacare has them going for broke. Trump staff posed for Vanity Fair cameras one inch from their noses and figured that this was just going to be a puff piece. Suzie Wiles is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being DC has ever known this week. Oh, the weather outside is frightful… but you can't prove that because the National Center for Atmospheric Research is being disposed of. Somewhere Tina Peters is smiling.

David Waldman takes us another day further from last weekend. Hopefully that's a good thing. Donald K. Trump might have a score to settle with Chief of Staff Susie "Trump" Wiles, following her first of two Vanity Fair interviews, in which she reveals that Daddy's a mean drunk and it's best to just stay out of the way when he and JD go on a bender. Donald is long past being drunk with power. He's far more than 12 steps away from walking back his Rob Reiner comments. Fox News and Evangelicals are tired of being his enablers. Is Susie Wiles... Antifa? It turns out that quite a few Americans are Antifa founder's girlfriends.  The S.E.C. was tough on crypto, but then again, so was Trump. Well, Trump's position on that has evolved over time.  Want a visa? Just tap the "Grease Palm Here" button.

David Waldman, Greg Dworkin and all of us at Kagro in the Morning World Headquarters wish all of you a Happy Hanukkah.  Please. Even as this one feels like it needs a bit more light than usual. We begin today under the national and international clouds of mass shootings. At Brown University, multiple people were shot, two have died, and Kash Patel screwed up another investigation. Then, at a Hanukkah celebration at Bondi Beach near Sydney, a father and son gunmen killed at least 15 people before a good guy with a gun took some bullets and saved some lives. Australians will tighten gun laws. Bibi Netanyahu hopes to kill more Palestinians. Zohran Mamdani shows the world what to say. And then Rob Reiner and his wife were murdered, probably by their own kid. This is devastating for a number of reasons, especially because Rob Reiner would be the guy with a perfect thing to say on a day like today. It is in times like these we must all remember that Donald K. Trump is the world's most despicable person alive, some say of all time. Donald is losing, becoming weaker, and will continue to lose, which means that everything will become much, much worse. Trump might be gone in the next thirty, forty years or so, therefore every rat in the sack is set on chewing each other's eyes out ASAP.  Someday in the next thirty, forty years, Trump's administrative stays will run out. María Corina Machado is the kind of Nobel Prize winner that Trump would pick, if he ever got tired of picking himself. Machado might get her pick from friendly or not so friendly fire.

David Waldman takes another whack at the chaos before the weekend. Indiana rejected the Gop plan to rig their 6-4 voting Gop state into a 9-0 seat state, returning it to a more modest 7-2 rigging. This makes Donald K. Trump look like an old, weak, flaccid, has-been. SAD! Donald shook his tiny fist at Senate President Pro Tempore Rodric Bray. Indiana's lieutenant governor says Trump threatened the entire state's funding, while Indiana's governor remains loyally henching for Trump. There is a simple, legal way Trump could steal the midterms, but David assures us that they'd have to be really brazen to attempt that… Chris Murphy explains how Trump is preparing to abandon Ukraine in exchange for Russian money for his billionaire friends. Trump is asserting executive privilege to thwart his Jan. 6 lawsuit. Trump and paperwork, man! Trump purports to have pardoned Tina Peters but did he really? This time it doesn't matter because he can't, or perhaps it doesn't matter because he will anyway after he copters in Sly Stallone to bust her out. The DOJ failed to indict Letitia James… again… and again, and probably soon, again. The DOJ also pressured lawyers to "find" evidence that UCLA had illegally tolerated antisemitism. Abrego Garcia has been released from prison, and one day later remains free, at least at this moment, as hundreds of people in and out of government labor to take him out. Now they say the scrivener must have preferred not to add that final order of removal, as often happens, you know. The scrivener must have also slipped up on exactly where to put Lindsey Halligan. Critics of Elon Musk's Twitter could be in trouble, but who isn't a critic of Elon Musk's Twitter? Border patrol will first need to review 5 years of your aunt's cat pictures before she'll be allowed in to visit. Meanwhile, friend of Trump, hater of women Andrew Tate had several doors opened for him.

Greg Dworkin told you Monday that there'd be elections Tuesday. David Waldman told you Tuesday that Greg would tell you about those elections on Wednesday. It's Wednesday, and I don't need to tell you what the topic is, do I? Democrat Eileen Higgins beat Trump pick Emilio González in the runoff for Miami mayor, the first Dem win in 30 years, while Rolando Escalona ended the Carollo dynasty with nearly 60% of the vote. The Democratic party ponders whether to clone Higgins or Mamdani this year... But that's not all! Georgia Democrats flipped a Republican state House seat that Gops dummymandered. Thanks Donald! Sadly, most of this is happening because of the economy. Even more sadly, most of this is not happening because of the war crimes, rampant corruption, collapse of democracy, etc. Donald K. Trump kicked off his "affordability hoax" hoax tour, which could be over quick if someone doesn't start handing him some peace prizes. Trump might let the woman who won the Nobel lead his upcoming bombing runs. The Trump doctrine is to pardon and reward those who Biden dislikes and love him and blow up the rest. So simple a lackey can handle that while he naps. Political union with Russia, to own the globalists! ™ is more than a slogan, it is official US policy, with Russia leading the way. Meanwhile, Tennessee Gop Andy Ogles declares civil war on liberal judges.

David Waldman bridges the gap between pre- and post-election analysis days to devote today's KITM to the consequences of bad voting decisions.  The Trump Supreme Court is set to overturn the 20th century, and probably a chunk of the 19th. We were pre-wrong on whether Trump could do no wrong, and soon we'll be pre-wrong thinking that he can't eliminate those who won't do wrong for him. Paramount, with Saudis', Qataris' and Emiratis' money, wants to buy Warner Bros Discovery and CNN and Time Warner and etc... So does Netflix. Of course, now, the president picks the winner... so who will he be choosing? In case you care to place a bet, SIL Jared Kushner has taken time off from his measuring the drapes in Gaza to pop out of Mohammed bin Salman's bisht pocket on behalf of Paramount. Even if Jared loses, he can sue daddy, so it's win-win all around. Trump is giving corporate farmers $12 billion in taxpayer money, but actual rural residents will have to go to the big city for a doctor. Nobody does anything for free, at least in Trump world, and it never matters what you did to get in jail, it's what you do when you get out that concerns Donald. Trump does not owe Marjorie Taylor Greene nor CBS. Today, as always, they owe him.

David Waldman is back to the KITM World Headquarters Microphone after a weekend of less doofus behavior by Donald K. Trump. Of course, all things being relative. Greg Dworkin is here to offer his pre-election foresight ahead of his post-election hindsight this Wednesday. Republicans in rupture! If Republicans want to learn things the hard way, why turn them down? A tsunami is building, and not the scary kind that shows up in Japan, but the kind that has Gops stacking sandbags.  Miami hasn't had a Democratic mayor in almost 30 years, but that is looking to change. It might be a change in the US political "mood", or it could be that Gop voters are tired of seeing friends and family being shipped out of town. Latino Trump voters are having some sense pounded into them by ICE agents. Zohran Mamdanimentum might carry some NYC immigrants out of danger, but elsewhere immigrants are being plucked out of line by the nation to which they were just about to pledge allegiance. Trump hopes to ship half of Europe down to El Salvador soon. Trump can't sell Americans on his "affordability is a hoax" hoax, probably because people aren't dumb, and they'd have to be pretty dumb to not notice their health care and homes disappearing. Donald will slip farmers $12 billion in taxpayer money to look the other way. Even Steven KG Bannon can see the Trump reserve of stupid people becoming depleted. Trump's own mortgages match his description of mortgage fraud. That's just him being smart. Tom Cotton envies those that can hang out on their boat in the middle of a beautiful Caribbean night, just looking up at the stars and drones, not a care in the world except for funding/fighting their narcoterrorist overthrow of the United States. That's the life!

David Waldman presses the kinks out of the chaos one more time this week before we briefly part company. The newly released "Donald K Trump National Security Strategy" breaks the news to NATO and others that all of those "treaties", "alliances" and "pacts" we share are beginning to feel a bit restrictive lately and perhaps we should all start seeing some more racially, theocratically pure, and profitable dictatorships for a while. We certainly still desire a committed relationship of course, but the kind in which others should never trust us. Trump is the youngest president who ever lived. He's the most president the US has ever had. Mean people won't let him have everything. They are nasty people. Nice people give him things. They are great people. You can bet that CNN will report on how you can bet on anything CNN reports. Military officials showed lawmakers video of the two shipwreck survivors who sat out in the water 40 minutes before anyone had realized the danger presented by the piece of boat that they were floating on and vaporized it, and subsequently, them. Gop Cory Mills might be an awful congressman, an awful tenant, and an awful human being, but he turns out to be an awful bad guy as well. On the other hand, Kash Patel manages to do all of his stupid things ineptly. 

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin did it again! For a couple of hours today. The U.S. Institute of Peace has been renamed as the U.S. Institute of Irony. The Department of Defense is now Pete Hic! Hegseth's House of Murders.  Hungover from the fog of war, Hegseth immediately initiated a strategic inverted retrograde disengagement maneuver, tossing Admiral Alvin Holsey overboard. Admiral Frank "Mitch" Bradley is next in line and is scheduled to fall on his sword at approximately 14:00 today. Palantir is scheduled to make more money at that time. Republicans in Revolt! Gops brandishing torches, pitchforks and discharge petitions seek to topple Mike Johnson. Well, they really want Trump, but he scares them and no one is scared of Mike. Gop women feel the most rage, but don't want to come off sounding woke, or... feminist. No, Elise Stefanik will NOT lower her voice. Henry Cuellar shows that it's so easy to play Trump into a pardon, even a Democrat can do it. In the ACA debate, Gops propose Obamacare, but bad. Dems counterproposal is Obamacare, but longer. The pendulum is swinging back, right on time for the midterms. Except that no other president has been this disliked. The economy has rarely hit this many, especially against those constituents of the party in power. And that party in power has probably has never sucked this hard, nor have they promised to learn so little from their mistakes. Vladimir Putin continues to humiliate Donald K. Trump, but that's only because Trump demands to be humiliated. They finally arrested some guy for placing pipe bombs ahead of January 6, and the guy that they arrested is not Marge, sadly lowering the chance that she might go to prison, on that charge.

David Waldman knows all, reveals about two hours' worth, on today's KITM. Is Pete Hegseth more sober, or less, today? Pete has Donald K. Trump's full support, which has got to worry anybody. Now, Admiral Frank Bradley has Pete's full support. Admiral Alvin Holsey retired before anyone's full support got to him.  Each of these people really wanted ALL of the Caribbean "suspects" turned into a thick red mist… but they didn't mean ALL of them… Ok, "all" of them… but all of them simultaneously… They see this as a problem of not using big enough missiles. Trinidad is installing a US military radar installation in order to guide B-2s in locating some more suspects. Speaking of extrajudicial killings of civilians, that's what Afghan "Zero Units" were known for. DC shooter Rahmanullah Lakanwal was a US trained member, then abandoned by the US government, really never a solid plan. Speaking of sleeper cells, DOGE isn't dead, they are now the Deep State. Speaking of John Durham/Nancy Pelosi/Nicolás Maduro/Michelle Obama conspiracies, that's what Trump posted only last night! There's 22 Trump gift shopping days till Christmas, then 1122 after that!

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin help us start the month, week and day off right. You read it here first!  (Unless you read it over at The Intercept a few hours earlier.) The United States… that's us... We blew up a boat with 11 people in it, then we circled around and we murdered all the survivors.  We have murdered at least 83 in boats… Most of the world understands that is wrong, and we might have stopped murdering the swimmers, which we might all agree is somehow even more reprehensible. But we didn't just decide that was bad yesterday, we always knew that was a bad thing to do. Except of course for Pete Hegseth, who we, or at least some of us, hired to not do an evil job. Hic-seth thought that this was really funny at first but sobered up quickly to transfer the blame to his soldiers. Donald K. Trump doesn't know a "Hegseth", but if you write it at the bottom of the check, he'll pardon him. Juan Orlando Hernández made millions as president, raping Honduras in partnership with El Chapo while creating one of the largest drug-trafficking organizations in the world and was sentenced to 45 years. Oh well. Alina Habba, one of the biggest Trump's lawyers, is out as U.S. Attorney for the District of New Jersey. Sure, Kristi Noem disregarded court orders to send Venezuelans to El Salvador, but that wouldn't be against the law if judges didn't say so. No one needs more ballroom less than Trump and even his architect says so. Do reactionaries just feel left out? Trump has almost reached Jan 6 levels of unpopularity, and Republicans are feeling it. Another Gop seat could be flipped in Tennessee tomorrow, as they plan to redistrict Nashville away. One Republican Senator in Indiana drew the line on Trump insulting his daughter, while another wasn't swayed by swatting and doxxing. and yet another by a pipe bomb. Meanwhile, Troy Nehls of Texas feels now should be when he spends more time with his family.

David Waldman, mentally tough host of KITM, and his edgy sidekick Greg Dworkin return to the big pod screen for what could be their final adventure this week! Gops are stunned to see their most cozy rat jump ship. You don't have to hand it to Marge. She knew exactly what she was getting into, and exactly what she's getting out of. Who didn't? That is why it's always a good time to talk about Jeffrey Epstein. Epstein, Epstein, Epstein. Can you believe that there is any Latino support for Donald K. Trump? Can you believe there is any support at all for Trump? Anybody but Trump is the person to be. Judge Boasberg will look into contempt charges on those ignoring orders to halt deportation flights. Emil Bove always has plenty of contempt to go around, but Kristi Noem will be the one cosplaying under the bus.  How does Lindsey Halligan not do it? Ed Martin knows and is ready to dish on all the retribution plans with Alex Jones. Tina Peters is staying at the state pen, and she will be staying at the state pen. Trump wants her sprung and might still have something pictured. We don't know much about what the US does overseas, because the guy in charge, Vladimir Putin, tends to keep things close to his chest. Vlad's advisor, Steve Witkoff, leaked some guidance that he gave on how to play Trump, which turns out to not be too hard.  Ha ha! Oh, well. That's Our Trump!™

David Waldman is here for a special Thanksgiving Tuesday KITM. How does Lindsey Halligan do it? Well, she doesn't, as Judge Cameron Currie has dismissed James Comey and Letitia James' prosecution/persecution because Halligan was unlawfully appointed… according to legal minds Samuel Alito and Aileen Cannon. Expect Aileen and Samuel to return. Nothing can stop our intrepid warriors of the Trump administration! Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die! Pete Hic-seth boldly leads the charge against Senator, astronaut, combat veteran Mark Kelly. Department of "War", Gulf of "America", "5 Things" emails. They're all in your head... which is what they want. Is Marco Rubio our last honest broker? Is the executive branch cutting out the legislative? Will ICES block voting entrances with stacks of zip tied brown people? Good news!  Gobble and Waddle slipped Donald a few million in crypto coinage and are back in the barnyard.

It's Friday, today David Waldman is solo, therefore David has his mute button at hand in case he clears his throat, drinks some tea, or SEAL Team 6 comes through the skylight. WAR! KITM Military Nomenclature Cognoscente Darwin Darko reviews some of the reasons why the military and its members should avoid leading with that word. You know, swastikas and nooses could be seen as provocative, also. What could they provoke? Who knows! What's the difference between "legal" and "illegal"? That one's up for debate, although a wrong answer will get you fired. Democrat Sheila Cherfilus-McCormick has been indicted on federal fraud charges. Who is Sheila Cherfilus-McCormick? Right... That's why Republicans are working so hard to pin something on Adam Schiff. What do Vice President Dick Cheney, Generalissimo Francisco Franco have in common?

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin count down the days before the Presidential Turkey Pardon. In the meantime, let's roast this pig. Everyone's most hated president Donald K. Trump has achieved new disapproval like no one has ever seen. Fox News says "Sir, no one is inferior to you, Sir. The Trump Era is over… maybe for the last time. All that's left is the shouting and the threats, including death threats, of course. Republicans are being swept into the undertow. Most Gops will have a tough time finding new jobs. Mike Johnson won't be getting a recommendation.  Democrats are, well, the other choice, so they have that going for them. But they also have Chuck Schumer… The jobs report is pretty good for a few months ago. How does Lindsey Halligan do it? Well, it ends up that Lindsey didn't do half of what she needed to do in the James Comey political vengeance case, other than to make it clear that the only objective was political vengeance.  Gop gerrymanders seem like a pretty bad idea in hindsight, and probably in foresight, had any Gops had any. Turning Point USA is a den of iniquity. House Gops cut Dan Crenshaw off. Not just alcohol, but from even hanging around them for a while. A Republican staffer for Jeff Van Drew who hired a professional to disfigure her, might be mentally ill, but she couldn't have done it on her own.

It's Wednesday, so David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here to analyze Tuesday's landside vote! Big man, pig man. Ha-ha, charade he is. It's just not going Donald K. Trump's way lately. Forget "winning", few people even pity the guy anymore. Yesterday Gops not only hung Donald out to dry, they liked it, and plan to make it a habit. They stepped right over Mike Johnson to do it, too. Discharge petitions go from unthinkable to de rigueur. If Gops won't censure Dem Stacey Plaskett for profiting off of Jeffrey Epstein, so Dems won't censure Republican Cory Mills, so there! You don't want Nancy Mace and Lauren Boebert yelling at you. Democrats have the biggest advantage for control of Congress in 8 years. Don't tell Dems… but it seems like a substantial lead. Redistricting has been blocked by judges in Texas and self-denied in Indiana. America's Favorite Governor is happy with his, thank you. Tariff checks are like passing out candy bars on the deck of the Titanic, stupid, unhelpful, but whatever. A pardoned Capitol rioter promised to put a child sex victim in his will for the remainder of his reparation money.

Today, David Waldman sails the Crazy Sea solo. The United Nations puts Donald K. Trump in charge of bringing peace to Gaza, signifying that the world has completely run out of ideas or hope for Palestine. But what about the Epstein files, you ask? Well don't you worry, because the Gop House is on it, with a vote that they've been promoting for months. As you might remember from Schoolhouse Rock, the bill then goes to the DOJ for beheading. If Jeffrey Epstein ever starts to fade from attention, the White House has more waiting in the wings to promote, such as Andrew Tate, who not only rapes girls and traffics them, but Tate also generally hates all women. Nazi-stan Paul Ingrassia can't seem to hold a job in the White House, but his Mom and Donald still love him.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin didn't just fall off the turnip truck, have been around the block and happen to be the sharpest knives in the drawer on today's KITM. Folding like a card table, America's greatest power bottom, Donald K. Trump ordered Republicans to demand that the Democrats finally release the Epstein files. Now, Republicans are set to decisively reveal the whole truth about… what is "barely" legal, anyhow? Lamest of ducks, Trump wasn't all that to begin with, and is decaying beyond the hope of bronzers, Latinos, or even bros. Living hand to mouth doesn't leave much for heat and electricity as inflation is becoming everyone's biggest concern, and affordability is this administration's least. Drop a penny in Marjorie Traitor Greene's slot and she sings a different tune, but really, it's all the same song and dance. That is, until she drops a dime on daddy. The gun is on the table with Venezuela, as we ready to drink their milkshake. Emil Bove explains that we are at actually at war with boats. People and cargo are only collateral damage. Coming apart at the seams, the bottom is falling out of the DOJ as some see the light.

David Waldman drops us off on Friday, usually the calm center of Trump's chaos typhoon...  It's Trump's "grand conspiracy", all right, although it depends on how you define "grand". Nevada's top court revives the state's fake electors case, anyone looking into anything Bill "Slimebag" Pulte does are sacked, while Eric Swalwell gets Pulte-ed and FBI Mis-Informant Alexander Smirnov slips out the back door. Ghislaine Maxwell gets the Perv-a-Lago 6 Star Diamond Deluxe Grande treatment, plus a puppy. Donald K. Trump vows to prosecute and imprison every single person connected to Jeffrey Epstein... give or take. MAGA accepts only two genders, yet sees pedophilia as an infinite spectrum, with Jeffrey and Matt Gaetz way over on the nicest possible end.  AI-Generated ICE porn might actually be the worst porn one could make with Sora. Kai Trump proves that she's every bit the golfer grandpa is at the LPGA Tour's Annika tournament. She just doesn't have his caddy, though. Kristi Noem stars in an ad campaign with an "Avengers" budget…  Or... is she just playing hide the salami with taxpayer money?  

David Waldman brings us another two hours of KITM, while Greg Dworkin puts down his Xbox controller for an hour to join in the latest news and badinage. But his emails! The House Oversight Committee gave us a small nasty taste of what's to come in the Epstein files. Republicans retaliated with 23,000 pages of proof that Jeffrey Epstein and his oh-so-close frenemy Donald K. Trump weren't only about the little girls. Sometimes they were about Ghislaine Maxwell, Trump, and little girls, and sometimes they were about Russia, Trump, and little girls. The thing about Jeffrey Epstein is that he never had a shortage of strange bedfellows to pillow talk with. Meanwhile… Matt Gaetz! Adelita Grijalva has finally been sworn in and became the 218th signature of Trump's very painful discharge petition. Who wouldn't vote for this bill?  Wow, this news almost pushed Dem's shame of shutdown caving off the front page! Hey, Democrats didn't perform "horribly", some say they didn't completely "fail", in fact… they "won", that's it!  In fact, Trump wasn't really "winning". People hate, hate, hate Trump… and they disapprove of him as well. Republicans love him less than they used to. In fact, Jeff might be the more popular one across the board. Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker worries what Trump might do to distract from the Epstein files and will be discussing it over the Thanksgiving table with family members. Kash Patel keeps hoping to score frequent flier points with his girlfriend.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are convening in working session today for the first time since Monday to address the national backlog of news and punditry. It's day two of the shutdown… cave by the Democrats. Dems knew when to hold'em, say they knew when to fold'em, according to government gamblers John Fetterman and Chuck Schumer. But what if the Democrats' big shutdown loss turns out to be a win? Well, it already has… for Republicans, who can pick up half a million dollars for subverting the government on Jan 6, and destroying it this year. Of course, the reason for the shutdown has not been addressed. Has this completely ruined the Democratic party chances in '26? No, not yet, but there's still time. Rising Republican star Glenn Youngkin has Santorumed out and won't be able to wrest Andrew Cuomo from upcoming Fox pundit slots. Sure, we kill people that we don't like the looks of. Hell, we slaughter hundreds of thousands. All of a sudden, the United Kingdom has something against war crimes?  Jeffrey Epstein knew all about Donald K. Trump. Everybody hates Donald Trump and is out to get him, according to criminal charges soon to be filed by the next Trump sacrificial attorney Jason Reding Quiñones. Obviously, such an overtly political hitjob would never be accepted in court by any judge who… AILEEN CANNON?!?

David Waldman has some explaining to do, and just the venue to do it. Dems spent a half week too close to the sun before finding a nice familiar cave to retreat to, back safe in the protective arms of the Gop, who have promised to quit beating them, this time. Democrats had to give in, for the sake of the children. Well rested, the Capitol kicked into high gear, running like the finely tuned machine that we've come to expect. Meanwhile, Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson performed an excellent example of jurisprudential Jiu Jitsu by administrative stay to save SNAP from slow rolling.  Laura Loomer follows the voices in her head (Who sound just like Donald K. Trump) to smite Trump enemies, who never seem to include pedophiles, coal rollers, etc. Is Trump's cruelty or stupidity worse? Today's vote is for stupidity, for promoting mortgages that would take generations to pay off. Hey, at least Trump's was bigger than FDR's!  RIP today to Sally Kirkland, memorable in an almost unimaginably varied artistic career.

Acting! The Kagro in the Morning Players, Messrs. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin, debut the first of their one-act plays: "It's Not So Bad, When You Look at It". Did Dems underreach? Will Gops overreach? Well, that is what they do. Today is for replays and takeaways. It's not over yet, and there's plenty more to come. Now, will Donald K. Trump's next move be cruel, or stupid? Of course, it will be both. Trump can't bribe himself into popularity… not in this economy. ICE'S not yet being welcomed as liberators. Russia hunts civilians with drones, while Pete Hegseth says, "Hold my beer." Trump is being forced to share his food with others, and you can imagine how that makes him feel. The goal is to herd most Americans into ghettos, and the rest into fortresses, perhaps not the future most desire. Kash Patel keeps leaving spies out in the cold. Who needs intelligence when you have loyalty? That sure works for Alexander Smirnov, who was disappeared, but in a good way. Rudy Giuliani and his gang of fake electors got fake pardons they can pin to the walls of their state cells. SCOTUS declined to revisit their same-sex marriage decision filed by OG Karen, Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis, because really, no one wants to give her any more time.

David Waldman brings us the end of a fairly cheerful week. Don't worry, they'll make the weekend suck. Sean Dunn flung a hoagie, and Sean done got off misdemeanor and felony charges, too. Remember that when troops come to your neighborhood... lunch is on them!  Still working out the details on the Trump White House renovation, Trump functionaries correctly spelled "The Oval Office" and pasted it on the outside of the Mar-a-Lago North's cabana room. In that "Oval Office", as Dr. Mehmet Oz described his plan to make lots of Trump babies in time for the midterms, Donald K. Trump hoped to catch a little shut eye but was rudely awakened by one of those White House fainters. Trump was forced to then finish his nap standing up. Donald hates seeing anyone sick or injured, unless it's on a surveillance camera. That's just how the Navy prefers to disembowel fishermen, popping a few more of them out in the Caribbean. Turning fishers into fish food cuts down on embarrassing court visits, and hearing judges grouse on about their shocks to the conscience.  A Federal judge is throwing restrictions on Operation Midway Blitz officers just trying to have a little fun. SCOTUS is allowing the administration to continue busting the balls of those that they believe should be displaying theirs but might really harsh their vibe on starving the destitute. They can take Trump's tariffs when they pry them from his cold, dead, hands. Trump pardons corrupt Tennessee Republican politicians, because they are corrupt Tennessee politicians, duh! Zohran Mamdani has been NYC mayor for… so long now and has already done way too little and/or way too much.  Even George Santos is leaving. (He's lying.) The best that can be said is this. The worst is this.

David Waldman returns today, because there wasn't enough yesterday! Greg Dworkin returned also, but discovered that there wasn't enough today either, so he stuck around for most of the show! There is so much delicious data to share, most of which pollsters wished that they had a couple of days ago or at least had the foresight to analyze correctly. In hindsight, however, we can see that a bunch of Democrats voted, and not a lot of QAnon MAGAs had their panties bunched this go-round. Instead of conspiracies, voters were motivated by reality. Fewer jobs and bigger bills are being felt everywhere, especially with the MAGA who have noticed that America is not so great again. Not just the economy either. Every statewide office contested went blue. The whole nation has re-woke-ened. From sea to shining sea, assholes are looking for new jobs this week. Running for Democratic office is becoming so fun, everybody's doing it! Every little Podunk and Spotsylvania goes Dem as voters get out and vote. The fate of the free world rests in Zohran Mamdani's hands. That is according to everyone to the right of him, Democrat or Republican, and to the left of him and above and below him, who will now need to move their backbiting-sweet talking over to the Hizzoner's office lobby. Donald K. Trump is going full dotard because of all this. That seems like a fun thing, but it could be a bad thing. Meh, it couldn't get worse… could it? Perhaps someone should give him an award today. Nancy Pelosi is retiring from making history in Washington DC, might make a little more on the other coast.

David Waldman, Greg Dworkin, and Dems are back, baby. Now, if you are tuning in to KITM today, you are probably wanting to know when, what, where, how, and why.  When? Yesterday, and over the last 9 months or so, voters have determined that they need to fix things, and universally that Democrats were the ones to do that. What? Dems won in red and blue areas, in big and little races. Where? New Hampshire, New Jersey, Bucks County, Wake Forest, Edison… everywhere. In Cincinnati, JD Vance's brother is a loser.  You might have heard about places like California, and New York City, where the Mamdanimentum has become a Mamdanimandate. You got to love Virginia, where even the reddest counties turned blue, including, of course, home of Kagro in the Morning World Headquarters, Loudoun County. Democrats could gerrymander blue states bluer, but so could Republicans. How? The Hispanic vote, obviously, makes a lot more sense in a party that isn't cracking their skulls daily. A party whose motto is "Resistance is just asking for it." shouldn't expect much support from women. Antisemitic comedy is antisemitic. Why? Trump. The rest of them suck too, of course.  If the new Dems do a good job, the contrast will be harsher come midterms. Gops aren't the only ones smelling the onions and mustard this morning. Border Patrol agent Gregory Lairmore still has BMT PTSD. Greg Bovino says he may never recover from that punch to his blutbewußtsein, but the judge says he'll just have to soldier on. Trump still can't attack Portland, but Indianapolis wants some. Hey, guess which Dick is still dead? Cheney! Dick Cheney did horrible things when he was alive but was never the kind to allow a cardiac arrest to obstruct his skullduggery.

David Waldman brings us a Throwback Tuesday KITM in which we explore the things that we did not throw back hard enough. There was a time when bigotry, dishonesty, inhumanity, and megalomaniacal cruelty had a craft to it. There was a sense of pride and effort in underhanded Machiavellian scheming that you just can't find anymore. We'll probably never see a Dick like Cheney again.  Donald K. Trump destroys thousands of lives, the graft just rolls in, while he hardly lifts a finger. Trump wants to abolish the filibuster because he could then avoid the effort of circumventing it. Remember when David recommended filibuster reform? Back then we were all into affordable health care concerns, gun deaths and such. Simpler times. Turns out that all the lead poisoning didn't keep them from voting Trump in, let's hope the concussive blast waves help in the midterms. Let's revisit those years between Trump terms during which the SOB did not go to jail. If it was anybody else, he'd be there today. We are all left to scratch our heads, connecting the dots, following the money, wondering how it all went wrong. 

David Waldman, drinking his throat tea by the quart, doesn't hold back on today's KITM:  Greg Dworkin prepares us today for his Wednesday post-vote analysis. Virginia is for lovers, not haters, yet Gops kinda love to hate. Antisemitic hate is loved by the Gop, not by those that the Gop hates. SNL understood the NYC mayoral debate as if they were locals.  Ha ha! Oh, well. That's Our Trump!™ Donald K. Trump took a break from his achieving that perfect balance between Tsar Nicholas II and Tony Montana on his new fancy crapper, then flew down to Perv-a-Lago for a Great Gatsby/Cabaret/Marie Antoinette Night O' Sleaze. Then it was time for Donald to watch his conquering return to 60 Minutes in order to make sure that the editors took good care of him. 73 minutes cut down to 27 left a more highly polished turd, still filled with the usual Trump golden kernels of impeachable confessions and casual idiocy, always with the promise of more and worse to come.  Generally, brown people, especially those sitting on oil, better watch out.  Trump sees your 25th Amendment and reveals that his whole operation revolves around his cluelessness. Autopen is his alibi! Let them execute the rest for war crimes, Trump is just too plain stupid to hang. Anyhow, all those Venezuelans aren't being killed by missiles, they're being killed by loopholes. 

David Waldman wishes everyone a faboolous Halloween and reminds us to never ghost the boollot box! Ah roooooo! Trump's architects of chaos are moving into some really gated communities, as 20,000 troops are being sent out to states that might require blitzing or krieging in the near future. The DHS is releasing videos of our continued triumphs and the constant threat of Eastasian/Eurasian Antifa. Oops! ICES accidently deported Trump's house illegal, and one of Donald's favorites too! Most are horrified by Trump's destruction of the East Wing, at least those with brains. Of course, some do just fine without brains but it's just a pity. Donald K. Trump has ordered the "nuclear option" on the never-ending shutdown, either because someone told him it was "nuclear", or they called it his "trump card". Dems aren't invited to briefings on fishermen massacres, which might benefit them in future war crime trials. Today, David methodically peels the corruption onion of Trump's $550 billion Japan deal. You'll be crying by the end!

Against his better judgement, David Waldman returns today. He lived, so he'll probably return tomorrow. Greg Dworkin fished a couple more polls out of the fetid recesses of ex-Twitter. Zohran is Mamdaniminating the competition, while Andrew Cuomo is barely eking out enough votes to become a panel regular on Fox. Zohran is earning each vote, while Eric Adams isn't worth a bus fare bribe. In Virginia, Abigail Spanberger is sprinting ahead, right down the middle to the finish line. The Times of London wanted to speak to Bill DeBlasio, but weren't picky on which one, and took what they could get. Donald K. Trump has shuffled through Asia with each leader assuring him that he's a winner, handing him a little something, and sending him on his way… now we have to take care of him again. Someone has to break the news to grandpa about the government shutting down. All of Donald's pals get to play with their nukes, why can't he? No Kings protests were so joyous that the Pentagon is training 20,000 national guard troops to take them down. Meanwhile, ICE'S breaking ribs and taking names of Antifa suspects, and deporting journalists out of any place they might be reporting from. Central casting fascist Greg Bovino kept his cyanide capsule in his pocket as he got out of daily questioning by enemy judicial forces. Merrick Garland woulda shoulda coulda.

A truck full of deadly virus-infected "aggressive" lab monkeys were released in a crash in Mississippi. It's about time, right? In fact, doesn't it feel a little late in this disaster of a timeline for that kind of event? Anymore, a thing like that feels like some sort of shitshow oasis. David Waldman has already shown some signs of infection this morning, but Greg Dworkin remains hale, and hearty enough to dredge another a raft o'stories from the dismal fen of Ex-Twitter. Fewer people like Donald K. Trump. More like him less. Tariffs that were to hurt the other guy, foreign and domestic, have been discovered to hurt them as well. Generic Democrats come to the rescue of the American economy. Gops have ways of dealing with those nasty polls, and one way is to simply cease to be and allow the scum to float to the top. Judges are now the last line of defense. A federal judge has decided that Bilal Essayli can't be U.S. attorney for the Central District of California just because the Senate has never selected anyone for the job. Another federal judge demands that violent recidivist Greg Bovino wear a camera and report to her each day. The Ninth Circuit en banc bench continues to block Trump's Portland invasion. The House is trying to fund SNAP because having the National Guard put down food riots might image badly heading into the midterms. South Korea takes satire further than South Park would ever dare, handing Trump a gold crown and a bottle of ketchup. Satire can never catch an administration that keeps male veterans from getting coverage for breast cancer,,, What, hasn't Pete Hegseth banned nipples in the armed forces yet? Meanwhile, Ken Paxton sues Tylenol until he can figure out how to jail mothers of autistic children. In local news… maybe not local to you, but local to somebody, Jay Jones' texting scandal hardly hurts him, let alone Abigail Spanberger. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, on the other hand, hopes the Zohran Mamdanimentum always rolls her way. Andrew Cuomo not only hopes people will remember him next week, but he also hopes they can find him on the ticket.

David Waldman returns to explain more. Sadly, the "Kavanaugh stop" won't even slow down Brett Kavanaugh. It's just another move to self-obsolescence made by the Trump Supreme Court, autographed by Brett. If you don't look right, sound right, aren't in the right place, or you cross the wrong ICES, you get your ass beat. Now that use of unnecessary violence has been approved, ICE'S leadership is being rotated out to more bloodthirsty troops and strategies. That's been working in sniffing out the sea drug suspects/corpses. We don't need skin color or accents, just the number of motors on a boat and missile coordinates. It's Tim Mellon's turn to rent the troops this week. You know Tim, don't you?... Jeffery sure did. You remember Jeffery Epstein, don't you? Donald K. Trump sure… well, maybe he remembers. Donald might not remember which way his Depends go on anymore. Donald tried to wander off in Japan but unfortunately was captured and returned to his handlers. Trump's seventy-year decline into madness is reflected in his foreign policy approach. Hey, how about Charlie Kirk's widow as editor-in-chief of NBC and CNN? It's amazing what you can do with Grok these days. Another guy working hard to make his position and branch of government obsolete is Mike Johnson, who works hard to be hardly working. The Trump boys can attest that there's a whole lot more to becoming a success in life than putting any effort into things.

David Waldman talks about the things you wanted to hear about on today's KITM! Greg Dworkin found some polls floating in the sewage over at ex-Twitter. They indicate that Dems are way up. Now, people still hate Democrats, but they despise Republicans, which could lead to midterm wins if Republicans allow voting to happen. R Paul LePage is winning in Maine, but D Jared Golden is putting the effort in. In the Senate race Graham Platner will be getting his past lasered off and is presently doing quite well. To guess at who will win in Virginia, watch who is resigning now. Zohran Mamdanized Andrew Cuomo in their second debate and gave him a kick out the door. Donald K. Trump opens his Pacific theater of operations in order to serial murder fisherfolk and possibly curtail “the ocean drugs and the sea drugs, drugs by sea they call it also”. (The president was of course referring to the deadly drug “chloroquine”) After the trawlers are cleared out, Trump can pump the Pacific on to the Portland fires. The mind-rot algorithm destroys minds around the world, including those doing the rotting. Mike Johnson thinks inflatable frogs have it in for Hakeem Jeffries. Lindsey Halligan wants this, and everything prior to this, off the record. John Fetterman must have meant to say that Trump is stealing $230 million because of his small balls, it just doesn't make sense any other way.  Trump will demolish anything to put his thing in its place. The East Wing is the thing he is demolishing this week. Planning only gets in the way of the demolishing. Demolishing will become easier once the economy is out of the way. Don't worry, Democrats have a word they've been focus grouping and are almost ready to deploy. Senator Jeff Merkley had 22 hours and 36 minutes of words to say against Trump doing such things.

David Waldman is back to sort out the weekend chaos. Belated RIP to Ace Frehley, yet Greg Dworkin is back in his New York groove today, presenting links from Ex-Twitter, which, alas, is still with us. Not long for this New York mayoral race world is Andrew Cuomo, whose absence won't be felt like Curtis Sliwa, world's easiest interview subject. Silwa voters aren't part of the Mamdanimentum, btw. No Kings rallies had a very nice day. Several million pleasant people at a few thousand locations made their presence known to everybody other than the New York Times. Sadly, in these days and times, terrorists will inevitably show up wherever large groups of patriotic Americans gather. Terrorist in Chief, Donald K. Trump wishes he could have been at all of them. Kenny Loggins is pretty certain that Trump is more of a bottom gun, but Mike Johnson believes that Donald is just perfect the way he is. Trump notes that the Constitution plainly states that he's allowed to be king, just like 50 or 60 of his predecessors did 1000 to 1500% of the time.  Unfortunately, he could be right. It turns out that the test for enemy terrorist drug runners is the same as the test for witches: If they float, they are innocent. Marco Rubio betrayed drug gang informants to get the El Salvadoran prison deal. Trump is betraying American ranchers to pay off Argentina. Australia discovers that they aren't on the good end of the kickback seesaw. JD Just Dance Vance was almost taken out by a Marines artillery shell. No way could his ear have withstood that.

David Waldman drops us off in time for our weekend fun, but not without some parting words of wisdom. We're so sorry, Uncle Albert, but Admiral Alvin Holsey has notified the US Southern Command that he will be departing only a year into his 3-year mission of slaughtering Trinidadian fishermen. Pete Hegseth will drown his sorrows this weekend with Jeanine Pirro, who also hasn't been able to catch a break or a conviction. Multiple judges have shut down multiple Chicago attempts at military takeover and harassment of citizens. Karoline Leavitt wants to throw judges and their laws in jail. Schools are actually winning their cases against Trump, but that's just not as fun for retail media to report. Now, shooting missiles across California Interstate 5, that's a media event. So is indicting John Bolton, who probably deserves indictment, maybe for what he was indicted for. Russian drones and jets keep wandering into NATO countries. Now little green men are reemerging along the border.

David Waldman delivers another two hours of merriment and erudition. Unfortunately, Greg Dworkin's construction project is in its final stages, so his time was necessarily restricted. Vile, deplorable, Nazi-loving young Gops are… exactly that, as anyone related to, acquainted with, or standing behind them in Arby's will tell you. The White House looks into the mirror and sees nothing. JD Just Dance Vance says that under 40-year-old boys will be boys. Mike Johnson kinda digs the bad boys but has his son's number in case he goes overboard. BUT!! ...WHAT ABOUT Jay Jones? BUT!! ...WHAT ABOUT Graham Platner? New Jersey is what New Jersey was for a while now. John Fetterman, however, has changed, and so should his support. 2,500 No Kings protests are set for this Saturday. Republicans who hate America will hate you for going to these things. Luckily for us, Democrats are filled with love and are law-abiding patriots with sympathy and trust abounding, and this will be plain for all to see. We are a bit late, though. At least if the intent is to prevent a monarchy. That ship has sailed, along with the budget. The budget is whatever Donald K. Trump says it is, to whomever he has said it to, until he says differently. All professional and amateur sports will be relocated to St. Louis, Missouri. What's left of the IRS will be pursuing anyone who ever checked a “D” box in an election. Sure, that's “a crime”, but try telling that to our new Sheriffs of Nottingham.

David Waldman survived to Wednesday! He can breathe again! Greg Dworkin has been adding the finishing touches on his home renovation yet still had the time to tow in a raft o' stories for us today. With government shut down, Democrats have even more time to convene focus groups to work out what their thoughts might be on a given subject. Perhaps the next poll will lend some clarity to their subsequent moral stand. “Pollingism” is trying to follow to where you guess people are heading. “Magnetism” is deciding to lead to where you believe people should go. Magnetism is at the center of Zohran Mamdanism. Young Gop leaders obviously do not focus group their statements and only speak from the heart. Donald K. Trump kills 6 more people and dares anyone to try to stop him. “You and whose army?” takes on a new meaning as Trump assembles his own troops.  Los Angeles County declares a state of emergency over immigration raids, so FEMA better load up. Meanwhile, unfortunately, the National Guard has something constructive to do after Typhoon Halong devastated western Alaska communities.  The Trump Supreme Court draws the line at Alex Jones.

David Waldman is back and flying solo again! He's the Charles Lindbergh of podcasters, but without the antisemitism! Remember when Joe Biden brokered peace and secured the release of hostages in Gaza? Well, Donald K. Trump just did some too. Only, Trump got the last of the hostages, which, like the last piece of cake, is always the most important part. Now what? Who knows? What's in it for Trump? At the Gaza summit, Trump, always the dealmaker, remembered to “ABC”: Always Be Covetous”, Always Be Corrupting”, Always Be Coercive”, “Always Be Crass”, and “Always Be Cruising.” Trump made certain to complement Egypt, not just because he admires their lack of human rights, but because he owes them for helping take care of Hillary Clinton. Oh, yeah, also that $10 million in American $100 bills. Did Donald commit a crime or two? Like they say, “follow the money”. Two halves of Trump's halfwit battle it out over China, and the only ones who have a clue probably have Trump or Kushner as their last names. Meanwhile, while everybody else goes low, Barack Obama goes high.

David Waldman places our basinet at the Gateway to Chaos, rings the bell and slips away, but first sings us one more two-hour lullaby: If only María Corina Machado went fishing more often, Donald K. Trump would be painting his TRUMP Nobel Peace Prize gold today. Now, who does he have to blow up to score next year's? The tough part for Donald will be pretending to be humanitarian for yet another year, the easy part will be that Bibi will let him declare peace every year if he wants. Trump only has to have his boy Jared Kushner “get to a yes” first, and then… Well, then there is no “second step”. Of what use would be a “second step”? Trump has found less use for peace in this country. Stephen Miller said the words “plenary authority” out loud on CNN, then had to pause to orgasm. National Guard units in Chicago are now useless, even for picking up the trash. Kristi Noem will remind people in airport lines that “Ignorance is Strength”. With James Comey, and now Letitia James, the goal is to get to an indictment. Again, there is no second step. A judge won't let Trump regulate federal elections. Soon, he won't need to. Meanwhile, election denier/Andrew Tate fanboy Paul Ingrassia is set to be installed to watch over elections and would also like to be installed to watch over female employees.

David Waldman brings us one day closer to… whatever that is up ahead. Greg Dworkin is still renovating yet still has time to drop by for a chat. Donald K. Trump has a new can of gold Rust-Oleum waiting for his Nobel Prize this Friday, but first he must attend to his conquest of Portland, the crushing of his adversaries, subjugation of the masses, etc. His commands, spoken face down in his morning oatmeal, are then relayed to Nikolai Yezhov, or in his absence, Stephen Miller and the She-Wolf of the DOJ, Pam Bondi. The government shutdown has now riled Democrats into actually walking over to Republicans and asking them questions. It's pushed Marjorie Taylor Greene to the point of empathy. It's even made Chuck Schumer… ornery. It might even help save health care. There's even a possibility that it might save the United States. What's in it for Trump, though? The war between the states front has moved from the courts, to right outside the court, to right over to the judges themselves.

David Waldman returns to take another whack at the week, with Greg Dworkin taking a break from his myriad construction supervision duties to chip in with the latest facts and opinions. Today's news: Things are awful and will get worse. In this environment, if Democrats stood still, they'd end up looking progressively less bad.  But hey, Dems are better than bad — they're good! Caring about others might just work for us this time, as people who don't care about others are also getting screwed. Also, the Gop pro-cruelty message becomes less convincing when some of the cruelty gets on them. Pam Bondi, She-Wolf of the DOJ, went to Congress yesterday to add more people to Trump's shit list. First through the gate is James Comey, who is not going willingly. Comey's indictment has a few “fatal flaws”, not the least of which is the chief prosecution witness will be the chief defense witness. Grand juries would prefer to indict ham sandwiches rather than the people being sent their way. Meanwhile, jackboots march across America. Trump has Texas declare war on Illinois. If Portland isn't burning now, just wait until the B-2s drop by. Americans don't want this. The Pope doesn't want this.

David Waldman is out introspecting today, as his Days of Awe end and our days of awful begin. A hidden conservative network bankrolls right-wing news. A dark money group is secretly funding Democratic influencers. Clearly, Mr. Waldman needs to get out more and make some more friends. Whether you were “politically correct”, “woke”, or “pinko”, the Right has always wanted you to shut up. Government has ended; Donald K. Trump burns the crops and salts the earth. Federal workers know who to blame but are told to blame the others. Lisa Cook remains at the Federal Reserve Board as her office window is just too low to throw her out of. E.J. Antoni however, can't run the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, now that people found out what an asshole he is, and since “statistics” have been added to the Trump enemies list.

David Waldman has been warning us ever since our previous government shutdown about our upcoming government shutdown, which is set to be even worse than our present government shutdown! Our own Darwin Darko, aka BA-International Relations, aka MA-Public Administration is UNDEREMPLOYED. Get the word out, contact him or us for more details! Pete Hegseth wants YOU! He wants the US military to look like a World War II poster… no… no… no… the BAD guys this time. A “force for good” is too woke, time to be “a FORCE”! And more medals! And no fatties! And no snitches! But a lot more to snitch about! It'll be the world's greatest fraternity!  Kash Patel handed out 3D-printed guns as party favors in New Zealand. YouTube gives Donald their lunch money, will still end up in a locker. Trump wants US drugs as low as other countries, will accept other countries' drugs as high as the US. It's all the same to him. President Donald K. (Karen) Trump wants to speak to the manager at Microsoft this time. Prosecuting enemies is taking too long, when napalm gets the job done fine. After all, you don't hear any of those Venezuelan fishermen complaining, do you? Russia uses 'shadow fleet' tankers to launch drones towards European cities. Hundreds of Deep State agents caused January 6. Which story do you think Trump will believe? 

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bring us another KITM from under another cloud of another mass shooting or two or three or four. The shooters look pretty Trumpy, therefore the national focus will be more on the venue, at least until we get a better look at what's been Sharpied on the bullets. Meanwhile, the Keystone ICE yakety saxes their brand of terror through major cities… though suddenly not Portland, Oregon as Trump either TACOs or snaps out of his dementia, temporarily. National Guard troops will now be redeployed to South Park, Colorado. The disappointingly non-fictional Donald K. Trump promoted a completely fake Trump hawkering a phony product.  Whether Trump believes anything he says or not, you are expected to believe it or else. The QAnon Shaman says he's the rightful president. At this point, he could be. James Comey's indictment is real, but the case against him is imaginary. Everybody will lose if the government shuts down. Trump will pretend to win or blame it on trans people. As long as Mike Johnson pretends that Adelita Grijalva hasn't been elected, MAGA can pretend that Trump isn't in the Epstein files. Over at Epstein Alley, aka the “Rose Garden”, they're living the dream. Moldova! Like their language, now and forever! Eric Adams is not so forever but won't soon be forgotten.

David Waldman shoves us through the gateway to chaos, then runs over to Monday with a giant catcher's mitt. On the Day of Rapture, Donald K. Trump found that couldn't even go up on an escalator. He cried like a dog about that at the UN along with everything else outside of when he wasn't braggadocio do-do-ing. People have determined that he is nuts, including, bit by bit, the mainstream media and even a few Republicans. Ok, so Trump's crazy, now what? Who and whose army is going to stop him? Pete Hic-seth has invited hundreds of senior military officers to party down in Virginia with him, open bar all night! Let's see whose strategy can handle him. Europe has already entered World War III. Strange offspring of Halliburton and the Culligan Man, Lindsey Halligan, checked one more off Trump's enemy list. (The list that ends with you.) Today it's James Comey turn with a grand jury indictment, show trial, hundreds of hours of Fox coverage, etc. The verdict is irrelevant. Pam Bondi is transferring the people Joe Biden would not kill to places where they will wish they died. Trump's radical transparency extends to the personal information of Democratic contenders, then becomes opaquer… Never mind that FBI agent they are investigating for investigating Alex Jones… Attention incels! Check out Alex Jones' one weird trick to score hot females! Billions in taxpayer dollars have become virtually untraceable. You don't want to know where they're going anyhow. Donations to Krisi Noem will move you right to the head of the FEMA line. Government is never slow when it comes to jokes about them.

David Waldman is back at it, but without Greg Dworkin who is out working on home renovations. Donald K. Trump wants Russia to give Ukraine back some of its cards so they can play another round. If that doesn't work, he will just call Ukraine “Uzbekistan” and sell them 22,787 Dreamliners. It's not just that Trump is nuts, he's stupid, and dangerous. At least the cornfield kid wasn't such a whiner! The UN escalator worked just fine for Nobel Prize winner President Obama. Trump's UN address was a tragedy of Shakespearian proportions, performed by an actual fool. Something is rotten in the state of Denmark... Whether tis Putin or not Putin, that is the question. Oh look, there's some Russian warplanes over Alaska… probably nothing. Trump's youth support has faded. At least with those who didn't vote for the Lulz. The problem with being an edgelord is eventually the edge. Trump will always redefine the edge as the middle to solve that problem.  Meanwhile, we head toward another government shutdown. Gops see this as a chance to shut down government, which is the only reason they even get up in the morning. They'll eventually hire them back again, so they can have the satisfaction of firing them again. Ken Chesebro is so dishonest and inept of a lawyer that he's been disbarred/suspended in several states, now including Washington DC. Trump will never make the mistake of hiring someone like him ever again. From now on, all of Donald's dishonest and inept lawyers will be babes. Trump Bible and Turning Point USA sales representative Ryan Walters will be watching porn on his own time from now on.