Daily Kos Radio - Kagro in the Morning

We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when… But I know we'll meet again some sunny day! Tomorrow, David Waldman might be broadcasting under the cloud of a nuclear winter, but today we still have the Tuesday KITM to bring you. Whether he tacos again or not, Donald K. Trump has lost his "fuckin'" mind.  Trump has already brought hell to the Middle East, so what's a few million more degrees? Donald was going kill some soldiers to steal the oil because that's what "businessmen" do... He might still kill some soldiers to steal the uranium, because that is what Mark Levin would do. Any country might now consider shooting at the US out of self-defense… except Canada, unless Charles turns his back for a minute. While he's out destroying civilizations, Trump hasn't forgotten about ours. His new voting executive order is lightweight, ambiguous, confusing, and confused, which totally tracks, and of course Trump never skimps on the unconstitutionality. Kristi Noem almost let sunlight touch Stephen Miller before he could scramble back to his sarcophagus. Hubby Bryon's balloon boobies were busted as a result, although the real security risk was out in the open. JD Vance will take over for the self-humiliation this week by rallying for Viktor Orbán on behalf of Trump and Putin. Each day is an opportunity to be duped by AI. Yesterday it was MAGA Republicans, tomorrow it could be someone important.

Dyngus Day! David Waldman and Greg Dworkin float in with another Raft O' Stories™, swept on the Eastertide. The Trump World War is now entering its third 2 weeks of total triumph. Bombing Iran to the stone age isn't mogging Iran quite enough, however, and Trump has mushroom cloud dreams.  In fact, yesterday Donald renamed the Hormuz Strait the "Fuckin'" Strait and made an Easter day conversion to Islam in preparation for his final day of judgment. Marjorie Taylor Greene knows from crazy, and she's seeing some crazy. Strait traffic is picking up as more countries have been convinced to line up at the toll booths. This might slow but won't stop the biggest oil crisis in history from hitting us all. Pete Hicseth is in the process of culling all officers determined not crusade-ready.  Not everyone is suited to be a holy warrior, sometimes even white guys have to be eliminated. The Justice Department says that Trump doesn't need to hand over his presidential records after he's finished destroying the world. Democrats are winning over the left and "double haters" to claim their future share of the debris. U.S. Marshals waived training rules for Elon Musk's armed DOGE security. Mark Zuckerberg offered to censor Meta users to help DOGE out. Kristi Noem's husband, Bryon Noem, has been reported to have lived a "secret double life" which involves the wearing his not so secret "double D's". Kristi, Bryon, and Corey have been reported to live a secret triple life that rhymes with "fuckin'".

David Waldman wishes everyone a good Friday. Donald K. Trump fired Pam Bondi, surprising no one but Pam, who begged like a dog for mercy, in vain. Donald tacos only to stop his own tears. Was it Epstein? Not enough enemies locked up? Maybe Trump just couldn't take the smell of her nose anymore... he did have to switch seats when she sat too close. Bondi is no doubt relieved that she doesn't have to take orders from the Chip Roys of the world. By the way, Todd Blanche will be worse. Bondi's is not the only regime being changed. Pete Hic-seth is taking advantage of all the downtime to eliminate any vestiges of leadership lingering in the armed forces. Pete's problem is that these guys can fire back. Kash Patel would be an obvious choice to stick in your Kalshi, but Tulsi Gabbard might be gaining on him. Trump will cram in some more tariffs while he still can. The House punts on Homeland Security funding, as they have tended to do. Trump's other killing field, Iran, doesn't worry the stock market as much, because the kickbacks are still great at the moment. In two weeks however expect some big changes… like American casualties, war crimes and another regime change or two to shake things up. Colorado appeals court ordered a redo of violent criminal Tina Peter's sentence but upheld her convictions. It's time for Democrats to become arrayed in uniting states with model laws, such as the Uniform Commercial Code, for instance.

No fooling, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back today! Donald K. Trump has spent a month assembling the biggest, strongest April Fools' joke in history, and will deliver the punchline tonight. Trump is done with Iran and escalating the war and is and is not in talks and has 67,000 US Troops aiming at Kharg and yelling "Hey everybody! We're all gonna get laid!" The base loves that joke… a little less than they used to. Lindsey Graham wants the US out of Spain and is vexed about NATO yet was forever blowing bubbles in the happiest place on earth. Lindsey was having fun and that's what counts... So, Kristi Noem's husband enjoyed bimbofying, and perhaps sitting behind his wife as she was confronted on an internationally renowned affair charge? That might seem a little "cuc…", uhm "yucky" to some, but to each their own!  Don't hate Gregg Phillips because he teleports, hate the flying saucer demons. When you only govern for your base, bad things happen, especially to your polls. Everybody hates Trump. That does not mean that MAGA will vote Dem. Empathy has become so cringe, but it might be time for an earnestness comeback. In a battle of exclamation points, a federal judge halted construction of the golden Escher shack Trump was placing upon his super-secret underground war room. Now it's time to erect the Trump Tower memorial Tower! In the Supreme Court today, justices argue on how to tell Trump "no" to creating an American caste system. The only thing more difficult is trying to describe legal procedure to the hoi polloi and trolls. Karoline Leavitt demands that the ugly picture of her be removed from the internet before Trump sees it… Oh, too late!  Trump is suing himself for $10 billion and they have a good chance of winning. The Jan 6 mob want a piece of whatever's being handed out. The US Army did a ride-by of Kid Rock's house. Good thing that they have such an understanding boss. TSA workers are getting paychecks now, so really who needs Congress?

Is the news really getting dumber and more chaotic every day? There's only one way (that I'm willing) to find out! And that's by re-running our March 31, 2025 episode today. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are were, at the time, back for yet another week of KITM! How do they do it, what is their secret? No one knows! We begin the week with the White House embroiled in scandal. Which scandal? All of them! There's SignalGate, the main culprit of which has been finally determined to be JD Vance, or the news media, or an unspecified Democrat yet to be announced. JD Vance is also guilty of blowing the art of the deal in Greenland. Like Canada, Greenland has a lot to offer in both material and strategic benefits. Just think of the partnerships, alliances, and investments Trump could have potentially made if his first negotiation tactic was ever something other than a pussygrab?  Countries who turned away their pussygrabs get tariffs this Wednesday, or at least more threats of more tariffs. Nothing makes Trump angrier than someone stealing his pickup technique. Don't knock it, the Trump pussygrab has been a success with most of the media, several law firms, and an undisclosed number of SCOTUS. Following many, yet not enough, injunctions from lower-court judges, the Supreme Court has six pending emergency applications from Trump demanding to know "So like…What are we?"   Gops warned Victoria Spartz not to have town halls, but she didn't listen, and conducted a town hall in which she wouldn't listen. For Victoria, if you have to ask for due process, you must not deserve it. Think those masked guys heading your way wouldn't put a bag over your head? Surprise! Democrats will fix this all soon… we just need to get a little bit closer to their mid-term election fundraising drives, ok, please? In contrast, Donald K. Trump is already getting set for his 2028 election, and beyond. Wait a second, doesn't the Constitution prohibit that sort of thing? Where we're going, we don't need Constitutions. France on the other hand, takes these things seriously, but their guillotine must have been on the fritz because Marine Le Pen only received 5 years off from seeking office.

History was made this weekend, and David Waldman WAS THERE!  He might have also been at the third No Kings protest... hard to tell as there were a lot of people at them. Greg Dworkin monitored those, and many other situations over the weekend. Trump's Iran War is going well, for the doomsday bunker industry, missile R&D facilities, military aircraft body shops, and boot manufacturers. Most everyone else, however, not so much. Donald K. Trump promises to strongly win the war again and change the regimes several more times until Iran finally agrees to lose the war. Iran is set to release more reality TV episodes of its popular Kash Patel Show. Vlad Putin doesn't mind Trump in Iran but had Donald step aside in Cuba. Eh, Trump didn't really mean all that Cuba regime change nonsense anyhow. He'd rather negotiate Sharpie prices to $5 with big strong men with tears in their eyes. Those pens will come in handy when the new dollar bills come out. Sure, the White House Ballroom is an ill thought out, poorly designed disaster, Trump is in charge of it. The important part is the super-secret facility beneath the $400 million facade of a ballroom. How predictive are special elections? What if we take into consideration Democrats' generic ballot underperformance, and the GOP's midterm convention? What if we take into consideration this reality? The Russian accused of being the mastermind behind the Magnitsky Case (a mind-bogging, multi-million-dollar tax-and-fraud case that led to the death of Sergei Magnitsky in a Moscow prison, and a sweeping US sanction law) will be on trial in Paris this week (in absentia). The DHS shutdown has been a month and a half, so now Trump has decided that it's an emergency and will pay TSA workers. That, like absolutely everything Trump does, is illegal only if anyone cares to make it so. How many ICE detainees died recently? I don't know, I don't follow sports.

David Waldman drops us into the Weekend Chaos Chute™ before heading out and burning his socks, or whatever he plans to do. Donald K. Trump finally got around to paying TSA agents, around the same time the Senate agreed to fund TSA and most of DHS, but not ICE, and to blow town for Easter. The Freedom Caucus wants privatization and de-unionization more than Peeps and will cling to their shutdown. None of this will slow the ICE fraud juggernaut.  Trump's Iran heist is not going as well. The US ROI has been lower than expected, with investment costs being subsidized by outside sources. Trump is introducing Trump Bucks, which will be worth two for every 2027-dollar people will trade to get them out of their wallets. Pete Hicseth personally removed two black and two female officers from being promoted to generals. This reduces the chance that Trump will have to stand next to one. Greg Bovino won't end up kicking back in that private office he hoped for. In Wisconsin, a guy proves that voter fraud is easy, and that going to jail for it is even easier.  If Colorado governor Jared Polis caves and releases Tina Peters, his own party will probably impeach him.  Bill Pulte tries again to have Letitia James arrested for something. Elon Musk's lawsuit against advertisers who refuse to advertise with him has been dismissed... Let that sink in! Meanwhile, Trump and the DOJ feed $1.2 million back into the corruption cycle, specifically to Michael (a spy) Flynn Get out to the No Kings protests this weekend! There's one near you! You'll laugh! You'll cry! You will make new friends! You will go home singing the tunes!

Feeling Thor today? David Waldman and Greg Dworkin apply the balm of their KITM wit and wisdom. Every morning, Donald K. Trump is shown a two-minute video of Iranian things blowing up, which could explain why Trump believes that the US has totally won, or that Iran is totally obliterated each day… or he could just be pulling it out his ass. Is Trump an idiot? Crazy? Full of crap? Gops sane-wash Trump by saying whatever Trump says is true because he says it. Dems insane-wash Trump by feeling there must be some kernel of truth buried in all that gibberish. Why can't we just place Trump on a curve with "deranged" on one end and "lying" on the other and simply skip the third axis? Have you ever heard the story of the paper clip? Well, actually, the paper clip was invented 134 years ago, not 182 as Trump… Now I'm doing it! To be on the safe side, Mike Johnson arranged for Trump to be given periodic trophies. Pete Hicseth is a true believer, unfortunately for him, his boss never was. It looks like DC will need to Uber their Easter Bunny in this year as the Department of Homeland Security shutdown talks go nowhere. Sending ICE to airports isn't working for anything other than to provide their mugshots for databases, too bad the 82nd Airborne is busy. The Republican collapse has begun — and Trump is leading it. Trump's disapproval numbers are high, like no one has seen before. His approval numbers on the other hand are dying, like a dog. Among white non-college men, Trump is not so high value anymore. Here comes another election, in Maine, and it's looking good for the oyster farmer. Republicans take Democrats violating ethic rules almost as bad as Democrats do. Republicans hate Democratic gerrymandering as almost as much as they hate their own… nah, they don't mind theirs at all.

David Waldman goes wild (at David Waldman levels) on today's Spring Break KITM! The Trump-Iran war continues. We are losing, but so is everyone else, which has always been Donald K. Trump's idea of "winning".  Thousands have died. Millions might die. That's just the Art of the Deal. Donald will soon be sick of winning and will move on, once he squeezes what he can out of this. As always, every TACO feels so much better than the victories. Oil dropped 8% on Trump's recent retreat. In fact, stocks and oil futures shot up… about 15 minutes before his announcement... Hey, wait a minute! You don't suppose… that maybe… someone… Yep, they probably did. Payola is a steal these days as souls sell at bargain basement prices after Trump gluts the market. There's no mattress buying after President's Day, so why should there be voting outside of Voting Day? I mean, Sam Alito needs to worry about his fan base, you know. Trump will continue to use mail-in cheating, because it is impossible for a president to cheat, as Donald has mentioned repeatedly to all three of his wives. And, like his wives, if Trump were ever to change his mind, he can always go back and correct it. How does Alina Habba not do it? Previously irreplaceable Habba has been replaced.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin share their latest Raft O' Stories in a valiant effort to calm us TF down. World War Trump rages on… and TACOs… and rages and TACOs… You can pretty much set your watch by it. Donald K. Trump steadfastly maintains his principle of "What's in it for Trump?" but has yet to realize that retreat is his only path forward. Gerald R Ford heads for the exit. Japan pulls up to the toll gate and is waved through. Trump loses Oath Keepers founder Stewart Rhodes support and with him possibly the entire eyepatched villain voting bloc. Speaking of retreat, Dems have Gops on their heels with DHS funding. Reconciliation worked for Republicans that time, so can't it work every time? The Senate will be voting on cloture on a motion to suspend rule XXV to make in order a motion to refer the House message on the legislative vehicle for the SAVE America Act to the Rules and Administration Committee with instructions to consider legislation funding TSA, and if you think that's tough for you to understand, imagine how tough it is for Senator John Kennedy, who has enough to worry about with those commies at the Blooski. It usually takes a while and a couple of deaths to get Trump's attention, and unfortunately that's what happened with the DHS and the TSA. Just as Elon Musk was about to pretend to go for his wallet, here comes ICE to the rescue! Donald and Melania pal Paolo Zampolli wanted his and Jeffrey's ex, Amanda Ungaro deported, allegedly.   Trump breaking the economy and blowing billions on a war does not feel like a well thought out strategy heading into the midterms, but at least MAGA still loves him. That might not seem like enough to win an election, but who was talking about "win"? Joe Kent quit because he'd rather crusade against Jews. Trump doesn't see much wrong with that but is offended that Kent has remarried.  Other top-of-the-line professionals surrounding Trump include Richard Grenell, who had no arts administration experience prior to his Kennedy Center appointment and somehow now has even less. Dick should contact Gregg Phillips, head of FEMA's Office of Response and Recovery and teleport far away.

David Waldman wishes us all all of the happy things today. Let's hope that the next Persian year turns out better. What do you bet that it isn't? Chuck Norris is dead. Tough news for Pete Hegseth, who will retire his "Chuck Norris"-labeled bottle of hand lotion today. Donald K. Trump denies that he's sending troops to Iran. Trump is sending troops to Iran. What Bibi wants, Bibi gets. The Kushner Iran war already costs more than Halliburton Iraq opening, but Donald hopes to make that up in ticket sales. At 96, civil rights leader Dolores Huerta divulged that Cesar Chavez raped her. Democrats self-flagellate. Republicans flagellate. In a Transylvanian twist, the Trump Organization is eyeing property in Romania. This includes Trump's signature luxury apartments built over a dump. A Trump tower is already on the drawing board. Kristi Noem gave $140 million to the guy who bankrupted his previous airline. Really though, the goal was never to "not" bankrupt future projects, it was to sugar up her Travel Blanky, Corey Lewandowski. Trump continues to shrink in all ways imaginable, hitting Japan's Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi with Pearl Harbor jokes. James Comey picked up another subpoena to wallpaper his bathroom. Jeanine Zero Pirro wants her Jerome Powell subpoenas unblocked so that she can keep her losing streak without any asterisks.  My neck of the woods has had 40-degree temperature swings, tornadoes, meteors and bigfeet infestations lately, and now this guy.

Once again, David Waldman attempts to cram it all into two hours, and mostly succeeds. Greg Dworkin knows a worse place than the Persian Gulf, and he keeps going there for links. Out in the Gulf, the Kushner Wars rage on. Israel hit the South Pars gas field, Iran aimed at the Saudi port of Yanbu, and Donald K. Trump will blow them all up if they don't learn to play together. You know that Trump approved of Israel's attack, and so does Dan Shapiro, who frankly knows more than you and me. The Middle East heads into an all-out energy war, while the US FAFOs that fighting cheap drones can get pretty expensive. Denmark breathes a sigh of relief as their decapitation strike is postponed by several months. Oil goes way up. Gasoline goes way up. Health care, education, etc. goes way up. The national debt goes way up. Job creation is zero.  All of this could motivate voters in the midterms. Dems could fix things, if Trump lets them, and MAGA lets Trump, and November is just so far away. Markwayne Gacy Mullin is a clown. Mullin has pretended to be more things than Kristi Noem. Never has war smelled so fishy than when Markwayne recollects it. Markwayne is also a very angry clown. Unfortunately, every Congress has that one Democrat, and this one gets John Fetterman. Oh no! Say it isn't so! Cesar Chavez has been alleged to be a sex abuser and rapist as well as a civil rights icon. Panicky Dems across the nation embrace this new panic, while MAGA wonders if maybe they should install a statue to him now. Who says government moves slow? Joe Kent receives an FBI investigation within a business week from resignation.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have been monitoring the various situations as always, and are ready to report, as always. Yesterday in elections was another good one for Dems, not so much for AI and Crypto bros. The Illinois Democratic Senate primary saw record turnout and JB Pritzker saw results, with Lt. Gov. Juliana Stratton's U.S. Senate primary win. Donald K. Trump loves catfights and gets one in Texas, with John Cornyn and Ken Paxton fighting for God's endorsement. Don't expect God's blessing for the Trump-Israeli Iran war. The countries under Trump's tariffs, i.e. the world, should not be expected to be supportive, as Trump's trading of about a century of soft power hegemony for a future of perpetual intimidation now seems ill-considered. Iran controls the Strait of Hormuz which is pretty good for a country that lost the war a week ago… Thanks Trump! Don't worry, the war will only hurt "the consumers" in the US, and who is that? If consumers get a chance to vote in the midterms, things could change. Kristi Noem's proposed replacement Markwayne Mullin is just as dumb, just the faker, and almost as hated, right out of the gate. The United States lost to Venezuela, in baseball, and were such sore silver medal winners that they would rather cosplay as hockey players than gracefully accept second place.

We had Friday the 13th, Pi Day, the Ides of March, and hardly a day has passed, and there's yet another holiday! David Waldman observes most holidays, and is generally an observant guy, which is why he is a good fit for this show. There aren't many valid reasons to ask Donald K. Trump about anything. He doesn't know the answer. His answer won't make sense. His answer won't be the same the next time he's asked. Any correlation between his answer and reality will always be coincidental. And paying the slightest attention to him only encourages him, so why bother? Because, a lot of invalid journalists would lose their jobs, that's why. Laying mines in the Strait of Hormuz would be militarily advantageous for Iran, so that is what they are doing. The US strategy, therefore, was to reposition their minesweepers from the Middle East over to Malaysia. An untimely move perhaps, but nothing that can't be fixed with untested technology and a lot of money. The head of the U.S. National Counterterrorism Center resigned because he couldn't support the war in Iran… if only he shut up there. Donald is no longer his pal. It is no fun for MAGA to come up with pedophile conspiracies now that they're hitting a little too close to home, so how about the theory that the Trump Butler assassination attempt was faked? Big (and funny) if true! Today's sociopaths won't admit the error of their ways until the liberation tanks roll into their neighborhood. Senior KITM Military Correspondent Darwin Darko returns! The Department of Whatever accuses Stars and Stripes of wokeness, such as publishing basketball scores, comic strips, or the news.

David Waldman celebrates our return on Monday the 16th after cutting up all weekend. Greg Dworkin asks, what have we done? Really? Is that the rule? Is that the goal now? We are about sick of winning and winning and winning our massive multiplayer war with Iran and just about everyone else in the world, though for some reason as our hit points go up, our health bar continues to shrink. The problem is those kind might not understand that they've lost until the mainstream media agrees to broadcast our victory dances. How many years will we have to win this thing before the world envies Trump as completely as he requires? Some suggest nukes are in order, yet few agree on where to drop them. Trump's domestic war of vengeance is going about as well, as grand juries keep refusing to charge those that the DOJ are targeting. Pete Hegseth's Fox drinking buddy Jeanine Pirro persecutes 90% of those in her path, it's not her fault no one wants to join in. On the other hand, Trump defense attorney John Lauro is sad about everyone treating his boss like a crook. What made Minnesota such a target, and what makes it a solution? Everyone should take notes. What lessons can we learn from last Tuesday's Texas primary? A New Jersey Republican is running against Trump. Democrats might get the courage to run against Bibi. It's an easy decision to run against tariffs. Jared Qushnar adds his own hustle to Middle East peace talks once he figured out that their peace was getting in the way of his profit.

Lucky us! David Waldman drops us off at the end of another week, a little wiser. How stupid is Donald K. Trump, at least in regard to his Iran war? Quite a bit! This little favor for Bibi and Vlad is beginning to get out of hand for Donald. Pete Hic!seth seems to be the only guy having any fun anymore. The worst part of being an idiot is when people keep pointing it out. Today, as every other day in the last 70 years or so, Trump has to prove his critics "wrong". A naturalized citizen who lost family members in Israeli strike on Lebanon confused a country with a religion, attacked a Detroit synagogue and was shot by security, which is paid for by grants if they aren't woke. Meanwhile, a shooter at Old Dominion University met good guys without guns who unalived him, nevertheless. New details emerge on Trump's tariff refunds, in that there's pretty much no chance of seeing them. If you are a callow, unserious, incurious, insular, sexist, racist, white code-bro given the keys to government, you too would find AI tools a handy timesaver. AI does also bite back. All of the crises the White House has claimed over the last 14 months were planned in advance. All of them. Rosalyn MacGregor returns with a Michigan update/fun fact: Michiganders apparently regularly schedule themselves propositions to convene constitutional conventions! And the next chance to do it is... now! Who knew? Well, you do now. That's so cute! Well, unless they want to try to use it to secede from the union. Do they want to? Easily triggered inarticulate dimwit Markwayne Mullin was the liaison between the Senate and the House.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here to tell you much more about many more things. The Trumpiranian war continues… Not an "incursion" … an "excursion". Not a "quagmire", more of a "junket" of the sunny gulf. Not a "plan", "strategy," "policy," or "doctrine" …  more of an… uhm… Donald K. Trump has always loved the straits, but lately they've become very nasty. Sad! Trump wants the tanker captains to just floor it and knock the blockades aside, but neither they nor the US Navy can be expected to show Trump bravery under pressure. Bahrain has to hire freelancers to crush their dissidents. Back around here, Gops approach the midterms with a doomed play for unity, while Latinos show everyone how it's done in Texas. A DOGE bro deposition demonstrates how handy AI is for lazy racists without moral guardrails. Meanwhile, Kash Patel outsources FBI training to UFC fighters. Jeffreeeeey Epsteeeeeeein! while we were watching people and things blowing up real good, new Trump-Epstein files were released, they are as bad as you'd expect, they're verifiable, and there is a money trail.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin take podmaxxing to the extreme, naturally the good extreme, on today's KITM. Greg reminds us that you can't treat responses from a fabulist president as serious answers… as referenced in the leading source of internet misinformation. Eh, if the posts are backed up on Blue Sky, they're probably good to go.  Of course, you wouldn't expect more accuracy if the info came straight from this administration, because what would they know? Everyone's favorite war, Iran, continues. Merchant ships are hesitant to sail into the Strait of Hormuz, because they are afraid that they might blow up, because Iran has said that they will blow them up and the US says they won't be escorting them because they might blow up.  Donald K. Trump says, Wait, what? Who's afraid of a bomb or two? His guys say the water's great, dive in! There can't be that many Khameinis left anymore, anyhow, and his boy J' red El Qush Nar has prime beachfront property to be developed as soon as his Grok figures out all the nuclear stuff. Republicans still like the war, but Americans do not. The new prices will make fewer admit that they are Republicans. Democrats will still tell you that they are moderate, when they are not. More elections flip, and more to come. Have we reached peak antisemitism-ism? Will anyone new from the Epstein files ever go to jail? Can Ed Martin be more of a contemptible contemptuous contemnor? John Cornyn, a long supporter of whatever, is now vehemently against it. She-Wolf of the DOJ, Pam Bondi, is evacuated to a secure bunker as forces of justice close in.

David Waldman remains on chaos cleanup today, as this weekend's spill is a pretty big one. The Iran war is worse than Hell, this war is Trump.  Is the war ending, or is it beginning? Yes.  Have we destroyed and killed enough, or not enough? Yes.  Does Donald K. Trump know what is happening? No.  Does that matter?  Again, no. Does Trump, himself, believe a word that he says?  You could say "both". Did Jeffrey Epstein kill himself? Well, he was certainly asking for it. New Mexico prosecutors are just getting around to searching his property. Then there's Jeff's BFF Donald… so much is known, so little has been proven... or at least proven in court. Then again, the 2020 election has been settled, has been proven, and yet will never be settled or proven. If Dems don't win for 50 years or so, maybe Gops will let this slide. U.S. District Judge Matthew Brann rules that the triumvirate replacing Alina Habba in the District of NJ is illegal. Trump has a new method for determining the brownness of staff noses: Florsheim shoes. Retribution sights are being set again on Cassidy Hutchinson. Following the red yarn from her pushpin we find Alexander Butterfield — who revealed the existence of the Nixon White House taping system to the world (and more recently befriended Cassidy Hutchinson during the January 6th congressional probe), dead at 99, nutter Barry Loudermilk, who led pre-Jan 6 tours around the Capitol, and Marjorie Traitor Greene, soon to be replaced by someone crazier... or possibly not! Darrell Issa isn't running again, which is only good news. Somehow, most liberals still have no idea that the NY Times is a problem. Pssst...  The Jan. 6 plaque honoring Capitol Police has been installed.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back to fight Trump chaos with their chaos. Like a lot of people right now floating outside Tehran and Basra, Singer-songwriter Country Joe McDonald was an enlisted Navy sailor. Like a lot of people right now, he gave an F-U-C-K about what we were doing, and now, sadly, whoopee, we are gonna do it again. The guy who cares the least about what we are fighting for is Donald K. Trump, as both problems and solutions make him equally angry. At least no new pronunciation guides will be needed for Iran's leadership, nor will anyone need to adjust their governance or diplomacy theories. Not that the US is expected to take into consideration… anything. We'll just commit our war crimes and be shocked when Iran commits theirs. Thousands are stranded in the area unless they're mogging with sufficient rizz... Polling indicates that Trump could neither mog nor rizz himself out of a paper bag. James Talarico can, however, and at almost Mamdaniesque levels… plus, James has JESUS. Take that MAGA! Trump should consider a nice track suit to match his hat the next time he attends the transfer of killed US service members. Ok, the DHS kidnaps, tortures, and kills a few people, but they'd never get in the way of spring break.  The President feels their pain but refuses to sign any bill until Congress passes his anti-voting anti-trans act and gives him three scoops of ice cream. A woman born in the US has her immigration status put under review. She-Wolf of the DOJ, Pam Bondi announces that state bar associations can't investigate misconduct by lawyers but hasn't figured out a way to keep Congress from investigating her misconduct. Meanwhile, this administration still holds a grudge for Cassidy Hutchinson and if they can't lock anyone else up, she might have to do.

Barack Obama joins David Waldman and KITM in encouraging voting "Yes" for redistricting in Virginia. We would have had him on, but our Friday story backlog is a killer. Kristi Noem has been fired. Not for killing dogs, or goats, or people, but for telling the truth under oath. As far as Donald K. Trump knows, that's the only unpardonable offence. Noem had no reaction, as she had those surgically removed last year. Kristi and her young ward Corey Lewandowski will now be "employed" as agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, which might stand for Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation, but really stands for pretending to roll the ICE atrocities odometer back to zero by pretending that serial nosepicker Markwayne Mullin is now the guy in charge. ICE is building camps and closing camps and building and closing camps. Do ICE agents wear masks because they fear Covid? This is a common mistake for stupid people to make. Of course, the economy crashes and Americans die, but Trump isn't going to let any of that ruin this experience for him. Jesus Christ hired him to pull the greatest heist of all time, and Donald isn't about to let God and Vlad down while recreating the world in their image. Pete Hegseth is Trump's crusader thrill-killer, his fiery sword of bro-alpha-America laying low the scourge of children and the defenseless. Pete did a Lusitania on an unarmed Iranian ship, sinking it, and watching the crew drown, because we don't do stupid rules of engagement anymore... Democrats witness all this and say, "but..."? Dan Crenshaw is known to be a pretty touchy guy yet discovered that he was no match for a touchy billionaire. Robert Marling knocked Dan out for the bargain price of $675,000. Crenshaw loses the primary to Steve Toth, an unknown, who we at least know is not related to Lazlo Toth, or László Tóth, but possibly Laszlo Toth.

David Waldman, Greg Dworkin, and we are back for more. Pete Hic-seth promised Iran that the US would never fight fair, no stupid rules of engagement for us! Just ask the few surviving sailors on the Iranian warship IRIS Dena, sunk by torpedo, unarmed, returning from "professional exercises, seminars, social events and sporting fixtures" with India. If Iran wants the US to "bitterly regret" this, or anything that they are doing, they will need to ask themselves, "What would Pete Do?" Would Hegseth take out Gulf area desalination plants, endangering tens of millions of civilians? Pete doesn't even drink water, bro. This looks like a job for the Board of Peace! Paramount won't say whether Middle East money is funding its Warner Bros. Discovery deal., but the UAE never promised to fight fair either. And yet, the majority of Americans want a short war with no boots on the ground… Blah, blah, blah! Americans are so picky! Texas seems to be feeling a bit blue lately. Texas Dems are fired up and fired up about James Talarico. Jasmine Crockett did great for someone who did it so bad, but Talarico offered both style and substance, attaining Zohran Mamdanimentum. Anyone who doesn't do that won't make it out of their primaries. Gops have long ago learned how to deal with pesky primaries. Listen, if Donald K. Trump gets rid of Kristi Noem will you all leave him alone? What if he throws in Pam Bondi? Karoline Leavitt? No dudes leave though. That's too far.

David Waldman delivers us to the middle of the week, which is pretty good, considering the week so far. Greg Dworkin, a nice guy who can always be trusted, delivers a paradoxical raft o' stories out of ExTwitter, an awful place that can never be trusted. Yesterday, we had primary elections in Texas, North Carolina and Arkansas, the first elections of the 2026 midterm campaigns.  Jasmine Crockett and James Talarico are both fantastic, but James Talarico will now be the fantastic Democratic candidate. Trump has to pick the winner from his losers. We won't have Dan Crenshaw to kick around anymore, but neither will Mike Johnson. Democratic voters in Texas were left to wander around, looking for their precinct which is just how Gops wanted it. For something that was designed to finally completely strangle Jeffrey Epstein, permanently rig democracy, and usher in the Millennial Kingdom of Christ on earth, this whole "Iran war" thing is becoming a little too complex for Donald K. Trump. Iran is breaking our expensive stuff, worrying our rich people and hardly being cooperative. (And killing some soldiers.)  It is also very confusing because we are not at war with Iran, while they have been at war with us for decades… Everything is moving so fast! At least we got all the important people out. The few thousand in business class stranded there dumb enough to rely on the US to get them out can leave a message with details on how they would like their bodies to be IDed.  Colorado Governor Jared Polis is probably going to taco (jaco? paco?) on Tina Peters' state prison time. The DOJ will lay off targeting law firms that Trump doesn't like… psyche! They're totally still targeting the law firms.

It's only Tuesday, and David Waldman already has some catching up to do. It's only Tuesday and Donald K. Trump already is running out of fancy ammo in his war with Iran. Gulf states are being put on hold calling into the Pentagon replenishment help line. Trump doesn't need anything so high-end, as long as he has plenty of low-price grunts to feed to the cannons. After all, that's what they're there for. Around the Gulf, they use drones and DoorDash for delivery. Any foreign adversary interested in our military plans need not go to the expense and trouble of a Mar-a-Lago membership, they can just check out TMZ. The US attempts to steel itself to the idea of a protracted war, but all bets are off if March Madness is threatened. Successive regime changes embolden serial decapitator Trump, but how much more emboldened can a guy anointed by God with the divine task to ignite Armageddon and receive the return of Jesus actually become? Just in case God is a loser and doesn't come through on the midterms, Trump is installing zealots throughout government. Kansas shows whose side they are on by Christian trolling of trans people guilty of the sin of living in their state.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin start off a whole new month trying to make sense of this crap! Who had us bombing Iran over the weekend? Probably a few of us, including billionaire refugees and TikTok influencers. Operation Epic Furry threatens the straights of Hormuz, as the US joins Israel in killing Iranians. Someone had the brilliant idea to bomb a staff meeting, decapitating not just Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei, age 86 (not to be confused with Ayatollah Khomeini, age 124) ... plus anyone else we'd want to negotiate with. (Maybe Ilhan Omar is available? Zohran Mamdani?) This might have put a hitch in your typical administration's plans, but it can't if that administration never plans, can it? Sure, they said "no war with Iran", therefore, there is no war with Iran, because first of all, that would be illegal. Second, people expect you to "win" wars, and that's just not going to happen. And most importantly, voters don't want this war, so who in their right mind would start one now? Kuwait friendly fires upon US jets, while Spain isn't friendly at all. Which brings us to the 2026 midterms, which some still believe are happening! Donald K. Trump is not considering a takeover, just like he wasn't considering Project 2025. Oh well, if mistakes happen, just sue them. Iran almost pushed Jeffrey Epstein out of the news. Jeff paid doctors for procedures ranging from unethical to unspeakable.

David Waldman shakes out the KITM grab bag o' stories heading into the weekend. It turns out that Donald K. Trump's State of the Union speech wasn't only a boring litany of lies but was filled with confessions of 2025 and plans for 2026 crimes. In that case, it was kind of amazing that he was able to fit so much into so little time. At that rate, Trump's Epstein testimony could still take days. A judge blocked Trump from cutting off funding to 22 Dem states to coerce them into giving up food stamp data. Netflix has backed out of its Warner Bros. bid, so CNN slides all the way to the dark side. The military shot off its ray guns again, taking out a Customs and Border Protection drone. Soon, the CBP army will be unstoppable. Kristi Noem is assembling a fleet of bidet-equipped, dildo-laden, flying boudoirs. U.S. Vice Admiral Fred Kacher has been removed from his position as director of the Joint Staff after only taking the post in December. Some just aren't cut out for the military life. Idiot Nick Shirley makes money frightening idiots. Trump can rule the world with enough frightened idiots. A massive pro-Trump Twitter account is run by a paid White House staffer. Zohran Mamdani goes back to the White House to play Trump and makes it all look so easy. Kansas' trans bounty hunter bill was slipped through the legislature hidden in a gut and go shell. A three-year-old company with fewer than five employees hopes to pick up $25 billion before the tariff gravy train runs off the rails.

Ta-ta-ta-da! David Waldman and Greg Dworkin serve up a tasty KITM that you'll prefer to the high-price spread! People are still talking about Trump's boring lying in the SOTU. The bits tying the lies together got some attention, but they weren't the point and weren't why anyone was tuning in or tuning out. Trump voters are so embarrassed, that they are pretending not to be Trump voters. Many are getting sick of pretending that they are winning. Many importers are tired of pretending tariffs worked. At least Mike Johnson only needs to pretend for a few more months. Hey, Cubans are now killing Caribbean boaters! Is that even legal? Whoa! Gops don't know what's going on in Texas, neither do Dems. When in doubt, throw money at it. Things are much more clear in the New York Governor race, and out in Pennsylvania. ICE remain the manifestation of MAGA weenie ethos. The SAVE act is dying, and the talking filibuster won't save it. Howard Lutnick is Trump's favorite dealmaker, so it probably doesn't matter if he can make deals. Jeffrey Epstein remains a concern as more villains are exposed, and more villains try not to be exposed. MAGA are reaching down and finding cognitive dissonance they didn't know they had. Kansas demands that trans residents behave how they want them to, until they do, then they'll demand that they act a different way. The FBI raided Los Angeles Unified School District Supt. Alberto Carvalho's home and office in relation to an AI chatbot company, which is the new hot place to do felony scams.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin brave frigid temperatures with a combination of comfy slippers and raw determination to bring us this latest special KITM:  About the only thing worse than a Trump State of the Union speech is having to take it seriously the next day. Stupid, boring, lying Donald K. Trump said stupid, boring, lies for a couple of hours. Today, Dems have to pretend that there is something interesting about that. There wasn't anything to interest voters. There wasn't much to interest Republicans, as even racism and fearmongering can only go so far. There is a reason why Trump rallies empty out after a half hour, but most needlessly felt some obligation to stick around, if they couldn't manage to earn an ejection. Another reason Trump's State of the Union sucked is because Trump's state of the union sucks. This might matter to midterm voters, one would hope. Special elections sure portend well. The DOJ tried to take Trump out of the Trump-Epstein files and of course managed to get even more attention. Contempt sanctions go against the DOJ today for moving a man out of Minnesota against an order, not releasing him under the timeline ordered, and not returning him to Minnesota. Beta Pete Hegseth wants to be humiliated by alpha Mark Kelly again. Does Pete even lift, bro? Beta Kash Patel finally got to discover what testosterone looks like in the Olympic locker room. Trump was allowed to sniff their medal too. Allowing Kash, Donald, and Pete's fantasies to play out is the highest priority use of military equipment at the moment. Attorney General Brian Schwalb said that Congress didn't actually repeal the D.C. tax bill. Congress and paperwork, man!

David Waldman will continue his boycott of State of the Union speeches and snow until Greg Dworkin is returned to us safely. There will be a SOTU tonight, maybe. No one will be watching, so it's hard to be certain. Abigail Spanberger says she is, but who could blame her if she zoned out for most of it. More people than ever don't want to hear what Donald K. Trump has to say. Even Trump's imaginary supporters are fading away. Proud racists are getting more difficult to find. The US Men's Hockey Team will be there, but that's because they are being made to. The Women's Team was let off the hook. The men will be honored with Trump AI highlight clips and individual SOTU lap dances from Kash Patel. Trump has a few hours to fill, so tariffs might come up, all of it unpleasant, and absolutely nothing about anyone getting a refund. What else is he going to talk about? Greenland? Cannibals? He could declare a war or two. Maybe a pardon or two. Trump probably won't talk much about Jeffrey Epstein, Ghislaine Maxwell and art school girls, DOJ and FBI coverups, but correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor has a lot to report!  Jared's dad, Charles Kushner, is ignoring French summons and would like to stay on the down-low, so expect Trump to flub that.

David Waldman goes it alone as Nor'easter bomb cycloned Greg Dworkin is up to his Connecticut mukluks in a local weather situation. Following Friday's Supreme Court tariffs decision, Donald K. Trump tariffed everyone 10% for laughing at him, then raised it to 15% to prove he's serious. He'll keep doing it too, until everyone understands who's in charge and quits plotting against him… It's those people who "support him" who are really out to get him… do they think he's a fool? Punish those who made deals, reward those he punished!  Call him insane, will they? Send a hospital ship to Greenland! Trump imposters fail to keep up with Trump's rapidly deteriorating diction and syntax. Chuck Schumer pretends to grill burgers MAHA-style. Another disillusioned MAGA bites the dust. Just The News isn't just the news, and even Trump knows it. How does Lindsey Halligan not do it? No one will ever replace her. Instead of raising bail, the rich raise pardon money. Kash Patel trashed his reputation and that of the FBI because he is as big a fan of Olympic hockey as he is his girlfriend's singing career.

Friday is always a great opportunity to uncover the sordid details of stories dumb enough to be the Crime of the Century, but just end up buried under the pile of Crimes of the Millennium. Today starts with a perfect and crystalline example of Trump's criminal genius, a way to monetize vanity itself! So it turns out that DOGE was every bit as dumb as we thought it was. It's all here, but it comes down to this: they asked ChatGPT to make a list of "woke DNI" stuff they could eliminate, and then they just did it. Apparently forging the signatures they needed along the way. (Again!) So, yes, that British fellow, Andrew, was in fact arrested for some crime that was not specifically related to his being a giant pervert. But in the Al Capone tradition: 1) that may be ok, at least for now, and; 2) it's really all the same crime, anyway. This just in: SCOTUS rules against Trump in a case he intends to ignore or otherwise work around! This time, it's the tariffs, at long last! Can we depend on them to rule against him on Virginia's redistricting? Because we may have to! Here's a scary thought to carry into your weekend: 96% of the world's nuclear weapons are now in the hands of authoritarian rulers! Among the world's nuclear powers, only Britain and France remain genuinely liberal democracies.  Will you be able to read about that on the Internet? That's less likely now than ever. (At least during the time in which there's been an Internet.)

David Waldman counts down to the weekend, when we can all kick back, relax, and be incinerated in man-made hellfire…. but don't forget Friday's show! The law must take its course, as even His Majesty the King will tell you, no one is above the law, not even his very own brother, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor. If only we had the moral rectitude of our forbearers, yet we invent new unaccountable elites every day. Still, around the world executives resign from companies as if they were ungrateful that Jeff made them who they are today. We could've handled it like Great Briton. We could've handled it like South Korea. We could've handled it like Brazil. Greg Dworkin culls the shiniest kernels out of his Ex-Twitter turd to share today. Democrats are job creators. House members get out while the getting's good. James Talarico is hot, hot, hot!  Gop Texans self-immolate.  Kristi Noem diverted a Coast Guard aircraft from an active search and rescue mission in order to transport detained migrants rather than share her double bidet. Stephen Miller, however, shows no inclination in retiring to spend more time in Hell. A Federal judge has finally found a DOJ lawyer in contempt. Judges have rebuked Trump's mass detention of immigrants thousands of times, encouraging him to do worse, faster. Keep alert to any stormtrooper activity at all times. Donald K. Trump sure can destroy a lot of real lives with powers that are mostly in your imagination.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin cut through the confusion and clamp down on the chaos for a tidbit of today. Hey, do you know who the guest was on The Late Show with Steven Colbert? Sure, you do, yet you can't say that very often, can you? That's because that guest, James Talarico, Democratic candidate for Senate, was given a huge promotional lift by Brendan Carr, Donald K. Trump, and a panicked herd of frightened lawyers, who say that they didn't want to make Jasmine Crockett mad. Jasmine Crockett isn't mad. This Blue Wave is raising all Dem boats. Just talk about the SAVE act is encouraging voter suppression, and spurring plans for new voter suppression. Don't let it get to you but do pay attention. Our generics beat their generics. Zohran Mamdani is the most popular Democrat. Donald's pal Jeffrey Epstein led a global criminal enterprise, creating crimes against humanity. Kristi Noem scuttles the Coast Guard. We kill boaters while cocaine booms, while the guy responsible for shipping 400 tons to the US gets all expenses paid vacation to the Waldorf Astoria. Federal Judges can hardly believe the administration's lawlessness, as they have ruled over 4400 times that ICE detentions were illegal. Trump is getting sick of all of the winning… must be why he hasn't been golfing lately. Hope nothing's wrong with the old boy.

David Waldman is back! And, it's Tuesday! RIP Jesse Jackson. RIP Robert Duvall! CBS let Steven Colbert interview James Talarico, they just don't don't want you to see the interview ​​. ICE is big business. The Feds paid $128.5 million for new ICE facility to pack in 10,000 detainees, that only 2 years ago sold for $90 million less. Then there's the Noem-Lewandowski Flying Love Palace with his and her's bidets and a wet bar, which could transport deportees in a pinch, honest! Yes, it is a new golden age for ICE, with the exception of the detainees and the employees. Epstein connections are about as horrible as Trump connections. At least in terms of losing your job in Europe. Here in the Good Ol' US of A, being a Trump-connected crackpot means you're currently having the time of your life proclaiming America a communist hellhole.

David Waldman delivers a lovely Friday the 13th KITM Valentine. May everyone you know receive exactly what they deserve. Speaking of romance, Kristi Noem fired a Coast Guard pilot for coming between her (and probably Corey Lewandowski's) favorite blanket. Corey's security blanket would be a badge and a gun, if he had them. The heated rivalry between Kristi and her non-botoxed twin, Tom Homan continues to rage behind the scenes. Who would think that Jared Kushner would be implicated in a national security scandal with Tulsi Gabbard and foreign nationals? Yeah, well, everybody. When John A. Sarcone III was caught unlawfully impersonating a US Attorney, the Northern District of New York appointed the most qualified attorney for the position, Donald Kinsella. That is just about the opposite of what the Trump administration wanted, and they fired Kinsella in under 4 hours, preferring to have no one at any wheel. ICE says that they are leaving Minneapolis, to places where they are wanted, who will soon learn to not want them. Meanwhile, most U.S. Attorneys and their staffs are bugging out of Minnesota, shutting down the vindictive prosecutions on their way out. The healing will take years, however, as the sickness continues to spread. The SAVE tool creates confusion and chaos, as it was designed. Pam Bondi, She-Wolf of the DOJ, will soon present Donald K. Trump with 10 billion dollars, but for now spends her time freeing accused drug dealers. Budget director Russell Vought found some money nobody needed anymore and put it into an entourage. Jeanine Pirro will be suing someone for $250,000 after a large wooden block leapt into the path of her staggering.

David Waldman delivers another KITM under the cloud™ of a mass shooting... a Canadian cloud, but as gloomy and awful as the ones we produce. Greg Dworkin popped in, but soon buckled under an ice onslaught, or at least his internet did. The other, more toxic ICE Is spreading across the US, along with their concentration camps. They are thugs and pansies. The FAA closed the airspace over El Paso for 10 days, ok, maybe not, nothing to see here, move along. Howard Lutnick confused Epstein Island with 6 Flags. Bipartisan nausea over the Trump-Epstein files has the mop & bleach crews working overtime, except for Karoline Leavitt, who only wants fun questions from now on. Peter Thiel wasn't there for the girls. The House has voted to take whacks at Trump's tariffs as if they were a piñata. Tariffs remain one of the best methods of tracking Donald K. Trump's dementia. Trump says it's time for traffic problems on the Gordie Howe Bridge, while tariffing the imaginary prime minister of Switzerland's attitude. None of the 6 Democrats who Trump ordered killed have been executed. In fact, none of them have been indicted.  Oklahoma's State House District 35 Special Election flipped Dem… by 75 points. Trump's job approval is so low that Gallup has given up trying to even measure it. Georgia ballot inquiry originated with an election denier who of course became an election integrity officer. Roger Stone returns for 2026.

David Waldman wouldn't miss a KITM even for a lunch date with Stanley Tucci and the US women's hockey team, probably. That's how important you are to him! Everyone from Thomas Massie to Jamie Raskin figure that at least a half-dozen men are being protected in Epstein files. Ya think? It's driving some Democrats to vulgarity! It's driving MAGA to bellow, "HO HUM!" After all, as Donald K. Trump has been saying since 2006, everyone knew about Jeffrey Epstein and that Ghislaine Maxwell was evil. Bad Bunny is the pressing issue today. The only thing more boring to a Gop than Epstein would be ICE. Why are people so obsessed with those guys? Let's talk about something more pertinent, like the 2020 election, which may be due to uninterest them again soon. Listen, if you want something new to cry about, Trump always has something cooking. Time for some traffic problems on the Gordie Howe bridge, the international bridge Gops refused to pay for and now want half of. If you want to talk about tariffs, Gops can put you in exactly 4 to 6 months from now. Or how about never? After all, Trump's man in the Fed says, why worry? Anyhow, Trump's pick to head the Fed, Kevin Warsh, will have the economy growing three times faster than any time in history soon, why not?

The Friday pandemonium begins! First up: The Trump White House's Racist Post of the Day. Greg wasn't here today, but that doesn't mean there wasn't any special election action yesterday. There was! And we don't know who won! But it was exciting nonetheless, because a Dem "wins" either way. The seat won't actually be filled until April, but they may still be battling over DHS funding at that point. We'll see! Because today ends in a "y," Trump is trying desperately to name more things after himself. Yesterday, it was "TrumpRx," his Groupon-style website for discounts on a whopping 43 different pharmaceutical drugs. Today, it's Washington's Dulles airport and New York's Penn Station. Christine O'Donnell was famously "not a witch," but this guy is, and he was at the Clay County, MN Gop caucus earlier this week, laughing at Mike Lindell and casting a hex on the gathering. A two-fer! From Minneapolis, meanwhile, we're urged not to ignore the economic impact of the ICE/CBP siege. And perhaps lend a hand, if we can.  An ancient scroll, from 1987, may contain clues to a path toward accountability for ICE/CBP and other abusive federal "officials." With so much unsanctioned, un-uniformed "law enforcement" activity going on out there, it was probably only a matter of time until someone tried to take Luigi Mangione's detention into their own hands. It did not work. But on the other hand, neither did an actual DOJ effort to sanction Judge Boasberg. And not just because the effort was baseless and nonsensical! Have you heard that most Democrats are actually uninterested in shielding Bill Clinton from inquiry with regard to the Epstein files? Well, I guess The Hill hasn't. And as for things you should look into this weekend: You may have missed this Trump bribe (because it was reported in close proximity to this other Trump bribe). Anyhoo, the Senator that caught wind of that first bribe also wants us to know that something seriously f-ed up is happening over at the CIA.

David Waldman has a million things to tell you today… and almost does. Elon Musk's "X" Paris office has been raided. France, United Kingdom and Spain are charging Ex-Twitter of algorithmic manipulation and the distribution of child sexual abuse content. Hey, it's not a crime to hang out with pedophile content providers, is it? Greg Dworkin is there all the time in fact, mostly on assignment, of course. For example, polling. You just can't find that anywhere else. Polling shows that people are beginning to miss Joe and want Stephen Miller and Kristi Noem to go away. White non-college folks are even drifting away. Gops now wonder if they kicked around Latinos maybe a bit too much. Republicans are presently so hated that Democrats are actually beginning to look good to voters. Indeed, Dems might even be considered to be better than the lesser of two evils heading into the midterms. Democrats still have 9 months to ruin things, which is plenty of time. The House shut down the partial shutdown, except for DHS funding, as Gop John Rose likes them young and is the one vote margin.  ICE asks if you and whose army will make them unmask, ID themselves, and generally follow the Constitution, but first, you'll have to figure out who they are. Marimar Martinez was shot 7 times with 5 bullets, making her the bullet hole pin-up of the DHS. Slaughter of innocents may seem passé at the moment, but the feds still have their ways. Judges complain that so many of them enjoy being petty dangerous bullies, that there is hardly anyone left to do the paperwork.

Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today! That's right, woodchuck-chuckers - it's Groundhog's Day! And the big question on David Waldman and Greg Dworkin's lips... on their chapped lips, is…  About half of the Epstein files have been released, and wow they are gross. Now half of them are gone because they weren't quite redacted yet. Epstein Island, or thereabouts, was the place for the elite to meet, from Elon Musk down to... Igor… who could be this Igor or that Igor but was most likely one of this guy's Igors. Will there be a Blue Wave? There is definitely a blue swing, and one giant blue swing in Texas. Taylor Rehmet flipped a state Senate seat by 17 points, a 32 point swing, a BFD big enough to push her well-funded opponent, Leigh Wambsganns, right out of Trump's mind. Gops turned out for the election, they just turned out to not like Trump anymore. Donald K. Trump hasn't a chance of getting these voters back, but that doesn't matter if there is no voting. Minneapolis is being pushed out of the news, but ICE hasn't been pushed out, and its economic embargo is destroying the lives of all the residents. Two Latino gang members shot a white man down on the street recently, but lately the gang has moved to indiscriminate use of chemical agents in the towns that they menace. What kind of chemicals? They don't know and they don't care. If anyone complains, there's always biowarfare.  Trump might not be the biggest crook in the world, but he's the biggest in a democracy, at least in what's left of one. Nancy Mace is giving him a run on who's the craziest.

David Waldman's weekend assignment for KITM listeners is to review the newly released Trump-Epstein files and copy him with notable highlights before Monday's show. Thank you for your attention to this matter. Lovable rogue Donald K. Trump is suing himself for 10 billion dollars, but don't expect that to teach him a lesson, he'll always be a kind of demented jerk, too. Meghan McCain wants attention… and needs attention also. Trump tacoed on his own taco, backing out of pulling back in Minnesota, now that there are two instances of Alex Petti not pulling a gun on ICE officers, and AI has been effective at making anti-ICE bad guys seem maybe as bad as his bad guys. Meanwhile ICE still gallop through town like drunken rustlers in a western. Someone somewhere for some reason decided to arrest Don Lemon. Pam Bondi took credit for taking out not one but two especially uppity journalists. Judge Patrick J. Schiltz says ICE has violated nearly 100 court orders but cancels the contempt hearing requiring the ICE director's appearance. We know who raided the Fulton County Board of Elections building, who wanted it done, and why… but what about the paperwork? No, it was not Thomas Albus, the German Muppet dubber, but a guy who might be his son, Thomas Albus, the United States Attorney for the eastern District of Missouri, and the official elections persecutor/prosecutor heading into the midterm elections. With only hours to spare, Chuck Schumer resolved the Federal shutdown. Ok, that might be a bit oversimplified. There will be a shut down, but Chuck did good.