Podcasts about kitm

David Waldman survived to Wednesday! He can breathe again! Greg Dworkin has been adding the finishing touches on his home renovation yet still had the time to tow in a raft o' stories for us today. With government shut down, Democrats have even more time to convene focus groups to work out what their thoughts might be on a given subject. Perhaps the next poll will lend some clarity to their subsequent moral stand. “Pollingism” is trying to follow to where you guess people are heading. “Magnetism” is deciding to lead to where you believe people should go. Magnetism is at the center of Zohran Mamdanism. Young Gop leaders obviously do not focus group their statements and only speak from the heart. Donald K. Trump kills 6 more people and dares anyone to try to stop him. “You and whose army?” takes on a new meaning as Trump assembles his own troops.  Los Angeles County declares a state of emergency over immigration raids, so FEMA better load up. Meanwhile, unfortunately, the National Guard has something constructive to do after Typhoon Halong devastated western Alaska communities.  The Trump Supreme Court draws the line at Alex Jones.

David Waldman is back and flying solo again! He's the Charles Lindbergh of podcasters, but without the antisemitism! Remember when Joe Biden brokered peace and secured the release of hostages in Gaza? Well, Donald K. Trump just did some too. Only, Trump got the last of the hostages, which, like the last piece of cake, is always the most important part. Now what? Who knows? What's in it for Trump? At the Gaza summit, Trump, always the dealmaker, remembered to “ABC”: Always Be Covetous”, Always Be Corrupting”, Always Be Coercive”, “Always Be Crass”, and “Always Be Cruising.” Trump made certain to complement Egypt, not just because he admires their lack of human rights, but because he owes them for helping take care of Hillary Clinton. Oh, yeah, also that $10 million in American $100 bills. Did Donald commit a crime or two? Like they say, “follow the money”. Two halves of Trump's halfwit battle it out over China, and the only ones who have a clue probably have Trump or Kushner as their last names. Meanwhile, while everybody else goes low, Barack Obama goes high.

Donald Trump shipped 50% of USRDA of crazy overseas this weekend, with a trip to Israel and Egypt to collect some unusual MAGA hats, and to try to get into heaven. The good news is, the hostage/prisoner swap has taken place and the guns are (at least temporarily) silent. Or at least that's what we hear. But we hear a lot of things about this deal. Many people must be saying them. The weekend at home was therefore about half as crazy as usual, but routine in all the sad ways they sometimes are. The loss of an entertainment icon, for one. And lots of gun violence, in places where zero National Guard troops are on their way. Essential background on a continuing source of crazy—Bill Pulte—proves once again how deeply weird top Trumpers really are. The rich are different. By which we mean weirder than normal weird. Normies, by contrast, are still pretty normal. Which only makes the Deeply Weird that much more suspicious of them, given that they're usually busy committing the same violations, but on a much grander scale. The “case against” Letitia James continues in what we can only hope is its death spiral, which can only surprise Pam Bondi in that she was apparently surprised by the case being brought at all. Is it just a case of the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing? If so, it's not limited to the DOJ. The CDC, for instance, fired everybody in sight over the weekend, then scrambled to rehire them (again) before Monday. Dominion Voting Systems is under new ownership, by which we mean Republican. Going forward, the company appears poised to forgive defamation judgments against… Republicans and just maybe, “Twitter files-style,” prove its new owners “right” about vote-rigging. Would that be enough to ensure success in 2026? If not, Gop activists in Oregon have a proposed solution: kick the Oregon (and maybe Washington) delegations out of Congress. Lastly, a reminder that the traditions of “judicial deference” and the “presumption of regularity” are earned benefits, not entitlements. And at least one judge has laid out a path forward on that. (I mean, what kind of judgemental deference do you give to a guy promising you 1,500% discounts?)

David Waldman places our basinet at the Gateway to Chaos, rings the bell and slips away, but first sings us one more two-hour lullaby: If only María Corina Machado went fishing more often, Donald K. Trump would be painting his TRUMP Nobel Peace Prize gold today. Now, who does he have to blow up to score next year's? The tough part for Donald will be pretending to be humanitarian for yet another year, the easy part will be that Bibi will let him declare peace every year if he wants. Trump only has to have his boy Jared Kushner “get to a yes” first, and then… Well, then there is no “second step”. Of what use would be a “second step”? Trump has found less use for peace in this country. Stephen Miller said the words “plenary authority” out loud on CNN, then had to pause to orgasm. National Guard units in Chicago are now useless, even for picking up the trash. Kristi Noem will remind people in airport lines that “Ignorance is Strength”. With James Comey, and now Letitia James, the goal is to get to an indictment. Again, there is no second step. A judge won't let Trump regulate federal elections. Soon, he won't need to. Meanwhile, election denier/Andrew Tate fanboy Paul Ingrassia is set to be installed to watch over elections and would also like to be installed to watch over female employees.

David Waldman brings us one day closer to… whatever that is up ahead. Greg Dworkin is still renovating yet still has time to drop by for a chat. Donald K. Trump has a new can of gold Rust-Oleum waiting for his Nobel Prize this Friday, but first he must attend to his conquest of Portland, the crushing of his adversaries, subjugation of the masses, etc. His commands, spoken face down in his morning oatmeal, are then relayed to Nikolai Yezhov, or in his absence, Stephen Miller and the She-Wolf of the DOJ, Pam Bondi. The government shutdown has now riled Democrats into actually walking over to Republicans and asking them questions. It's pushed Marjorie Taylor Greene to the point of empathy. It's even made Chuck Schumer… ornery. It might even help save health care. There's even a possibility that it might save the United States. What's in it for Trump, though? The war between the states front has moved from the courts, to right outside the court, to right over to the judges themselves.

David Waldman returns to take another whack at the week, with Greg Dworkin taking a break from his myriad construction supervision duties to chip in with the latest facts and opinions. Today's news: Things are awful and will get worse. In this environment, if Democrats stood still, they'd end up looking progressively less bad.  But hey, Dems are better than bad — they're good! Caring about others might just work for us this time, as people who don't care about others are also getting screwed. Also, the Gop pro-cruelty message becomes less convincing when some of the cruelty gets on them. Pam Bondi, She-Wolf of the DOJ, went to Congress yesterday to add more people to Trump's shit list. First through the gate is James Comey, who is not going willingly. Comey's indictment has a few “fatal flaws”, not the least of which is the chief prosecution witness will be the chief defense witness. Grand juries would prefer to indict ham sandwiches rather than the people being sent their way. Meanwhile, jackboots march across America. Trump has Texas declare war on Illinois. If Portland isn't burning now, just wait until the B-2s drop by. Americans don't want this. The Pope doesn't want this.

David Waldman is out introspecting today, as his Days of Awe end and our days of awful begin. A hidden conservative network bankrolls right-wing news. A dark money group is secretly funding Democratic influencers. Clearly, Mr. Waldman needs to get out more and make some more friends. Whether you were “politically correct”, “woke”, or “pinko”, the Right has always wanted you to shut up. Government has ended; Donald K. Trump burns the crops and salts the earth. Federal workers know who to blame but are told to blame the others. Lisa Cook remains at the Federal Reserve Board as her office window is just too low to throw her out of. E.J. Antoni however, can't run the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, now that people found out what an asshole he is, and since “statistics” have been added to the Trump enemies list.

David Waldman has been warning us ever since our previous government shutdown about our upcoming government shutdown, which is set to be even worse than our present government shutdown! Our own Darwin Darko, aka BA-International Relations, aka MA-Public Administration is UNDEREMPLOYED. Get the word out, contact him or us for more details! Pete Hegseth wants YOU! He wants the US military to look like a World War II poster… no… no… no… the BAD guys this time. A “force for good” is too woke, time to be “a FORCE”! And more medals! And no fatties! And no snitches! But a lot more to snitch about! It'll be the world's greatest fraternity!  Kash Patel handed out 3D-printed guns as party favors in New Zealand. YouTube gives Donald their lunch money, will still end up in a locker. Trump wants US drugs as low as other countries, will accept other countries' drugs as high as the US. It's all the same to him. President Donald K. (Karen) Trump wants to speak to the manager at Microsoft this time. Prosecuting enemies is taking too long, when napalm gets the job done fine. After all, you don't hear any of those Venezuelan fishermen complaining, do you? Russia uses 'shadow fleet' tankers to launch drones towards European cities. Hundreds of Deep State agents caused January 6. Which story do you think Trump will believe? 

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bring us another KITM from under another cloud of another mass shooting or two or three or four. The shooters look pretty Trumpy, therefore the national focus will be more on the venue, at least until we get a better look at what's been Sharpied on the bullets. Meanwhile, the Keystone ICE yakety saxes their brand of terror through major cities… though suddenly not Portland, Oregon as Trump either TACOs or snaps out of his dementia, temporarily. National Guard troops will now be redeployed to South Park, Colorado. The disappointingly non-fictional Donald K. Trump promoted a completely fake Trump hawkering a phony product.  Whether Trump believes anything he says or not, you are expected to believe it or else. The QAnon Shaman says he's the rightful president. At this point, he could be. James Comey's indictment is real, but the case against him is imaginary. Everybody will lose if the government shuts down. Trump will pretend to win or blame it on trans people. As long as Mike Johnson pretends that Adelita Grijalva hasn't been elected, MAGA can pretend that Trump isn't in the Epstein files. Over at Epstein Alley, aka the “Rose Garden”, they're living the dream. Moldova! Like their language, now and forever! Eric Adams is not so forever but won't soon be forgotten.

David Waldman shoves us through the gateway to chaos, then runs over to Monday with a giant catcher's mitt. On the Day of Rapture, Donald K. Trump found that couldn't even go up on an escalator. He cried like a dog about that at the UN along with everything else outside of when he wasn't braggadocio do-do-ing. People have determined that he is nuts, including, bit by bit, the mainstream media and even a few Republicans. Ok, so Trump's crazy, now what? Who and whose army is going to stop him? Pete Hic-seth has invited hundreds of senior military officers to party down in Virginia with him, open bar all night! Let's see whose strategy can handle him. Europe has already entered World War III. Strange offspring of Halliburton and the Culligan Man, Lindsey Halligan, checked one more off Trump's enemy list. (The list that ends with you.) Today it's James Comey turn with a grand jury indictment, show trial, hundreds of hours of Fox coverage, etc. The verdict is irrelevant. Pam Bondi is transferring the people Joe Biden would not kill to places where they will wish they died. Trump's radical transparency extends to the personal information of Democratic contenders, then becomes opaquer… Never mind that FBI agent they are investigating for investigating Alex Jones… Attention incels! Check out Alex Jones' one weird trick to score hot females! Billions in taxpayer dollars have become virtually untraceable. You don't want to know where they're going anyhow. Donations to Krisi Noem will move you right to the head of the FEMA line. Government is never slow when it comes to jokes about them.

David Waldman is back at it, but without Greg Dworkin who is out working on home renovations. Donald K. Trump wants Russia to give Ukraine back some of its cards so they can play another round. If that doesn't work, he will just call Ukraine “Uzbekistan” and sell them 22,787 Dreamliners. It's not just that Trump is nuts, he's stupid, and dangerous. At least the cornfield kid wasn't such a whiner! The UN escalator worked just fine for Nobel Prize winner President Obama. Trump's UN address was a tragedy of Shakespearian proportions, performed by an actual fool. Something is rotten in the state of Denmark... Whether tis Putin or not Putin, that is the question. Oh look, there's some Russian warplanes over Alaska… probably nothing. Trump's youth support has faded. At least with those who didn't vote for the Lulz. The problem with being an edgelord is eventually the edge. Trump will always redefine the edge as the middle to solve that problem.  Meanwhile, we head toward another government shutdown. Gops see this as a chance to shut down government, which is the only reason they even get up in the morning. They'll eventually hire them back again, so they can have the satisfaction of firing them again. Ken Chesebro is so dishonest and inept of a lawyer that he's been disbarred/suspended in several states, now including Washington DC. Trump will never make the mistake of hiring someone like him ever again. From now on, all of Donald's dishonest and inept lawyers will be babes. Trump Bible and Turning Point USA sales representative Ryan Walters will be watching porn on his own time from now on.

See? It wasn't the end of the world! David Waldman, and Greg Dworkin are back on the air! So is Jimmy Kimmel! That is all thanks to “We the People”, and not just those of us who were binging as fast as possible to maybe get around to cancelling Disney+… and we would have too! But also, those standing up to ABC from everywhere to demand accountability, including people that they actually knew and cared about. Donald K. Trump will not be tuning in. (He totally watched every minute.) Many stations still won't air the show. Did you know that “stations” still... “air” ... “shows”? Everyone agrees that Trump seems to have experienced a massive “masterstroke” at the UN yesterday, perhaps a series of them. Donald will be autopenning his posts for a while. We also welcome back Jeffery Epstein, who became impossible to suspend, either by executive or royal decree. Arizona's special election could give Dems enough votes to make Mike Johnson's job holding fig leaves in place a lot tougher. Let's see Trump Article 2 himself out of this one! Ryan Walters, Trump Bible salesman-superintendent, wants Turning Point in every Oklahoma high school and Charlie Kirk statues in every state university in the US. Sounds like a design job for some Etsy Witches.

David Waldman wishes us all a sweet future, unless your plans revolve around the future “ending”... then, well, good for you too. Donald K. Trump has not been trumpeted into heaven as of this writing, but he does know Hell. Trump informed UN members that they will be going there soon. ICE is deporting any laws controlling them straight to Hell. A federal judge saw Trump's NYT defamation lawsuit as 85 pages of Hell. But Donald says that couldn't be when it's all about an angel. Trump hates anyone who does not love him. Stephen Miller hates everyone. Everyone hates Stephen Miller. Trump does not love Russians invading Estonian airspace, but what can you do? Kristi Noem and Corey Lewandowski are becoming disgruntled by their own incompetence, while disgruntled DOGE Leland Dudek “pretended” to be incompetent in order to bust Big Balls and friends. The Bureau of Labor Statistics may seem suddenly incompetent but can't avoid becoming disgruntled with a boss like E.J. Antoni. Texas Gop Brian Harrison isn't at all competent but is making a career out of being disgruntled. Debt creditors are hunting down Karoline Leavitt.  She'll need to ask Scott Bessent for one of his sweet Argentina loans.

Chaos doesn't take the weekend off, but David Waldman does, so apocalypse later, make it Monday, ok? Trump's ouster of Jimmy Kimmel Is much worse than you think it is… maybe even worse than I think it is! The remaining late-night hosts satirically bowed to Trump, but it kind of felt like a rehearsal while old Charlie Kirk Show scripts are being loaded into their teleprompters. Trump and MAGA have no problem with their pronouns, “they” is never “them”, no matter how much they seem like them. Trump will exterminate all of them… or “they” … Obviously, the only way to defend against something like this would be to hire more dipshits for the dumbasses to yell at. And they had better be real dipshits too, because any dumbass can tell if you're just pretending to be a dipshit by just looking at you. Case in point, U.S. Attorney Erik Siebert will be fired for not pressing false charges against Letitia James, while Ed Martin is free to McGruff cosplay outside James' house. The case against Lisa Cook is in tatters, while the team that put together the New York Times lawsuit orders another round of drinks. South Korea had such high hopes for us, then they turned on the news. They are beginning to see that with Trump they don't need to FA to FO. Former Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro will be waiting 27 years and three months for Trump's pardon. Vladimir Putin must have had TACO translated into Russian, and is checking out Poland, Romania, and Estonia.

Greg Dworkin took a break from supervising the construction of his new walk-in shower to join us and KITM and David Waldman for our Thursday chat. Trump had Jimmy Kimmel disappeared in broad daylight yesterday... ABC wanted to do its part in building the national information hegemony and FCC chair Brendan Carr was happy to lend them a hand, one way or the other. Every person that Trump wanted to anger or sadden has been angered or saddened by the news. Teddy Roosevelt would have been against this treason, and the monopolies too. Oh no, now Stephen King too! Now ABC has been cancelled! (It's the Australian one though, as if that mattered to Trump.) In order to streamline the administration's persecution efforts, all “woke” will henceforth be known as “Antifa”, and illegal. All “Groypers” will be “Leftists” until further notice.      Charlie Kirk hasn't yet been added to the Pledge of Allegiance, because Trump has dibs on that slot. They might mandate that his tiny little face be etched into all Confederate statues though. Why can't Democrats manipulate the masses like Charlie? Gavin Newsom has never met an angle he didn't like, and Charlie sure had a few.                                                    The difference between the mortgage fraud Scott Bessent and Bill Pulte's parents are accused of, and the mortgage fraud Lisa Cook and Letitia James are accused of, is that theirs is nonexistent.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin voice the patriotic, uplifting, free thinking that this nation needs and deserves. Accept no substitutes! You know Tyler Robinson. Tyler can check that box off, although you, and humanity in general seem to be an abstract concept to him.  What outsiders don't get is that Tyler loaded his rifle with skibidi bullets to join the Pepe elite in brain rot Valhalla… And, to show the sort of love that only he and Mark David Chapman can truly understand. Utah Governor Spencer Cox hoped this wasn't about him. None of us do. Plenty of others where Tyler came from. Some people think of Charlie Kirk as an inspirational, encouraging speaker. Some people see him as a speaker who inspired and encouraged violence and hatred. Charlie demonstrated how one could be both. Plenty of others where Charlie came from.  No one can say a bad word about Kirk. Not if they want to keep their job… or life. Kari Lake has noticed that school shootings keep occurring at schools. MAGA knows that no true MAGA would ever commit a violent act, and anyone who says so won't see tomorrow. MAGA was too lefty for Charlie, and Charlie was too lefty for Groypers.  That makes Donald K. Trump the FDR of our time, except from the shoulders up rather than the hips down. There also are a lot of things that Trump fears more than fear itself. For instance, Trump is hiding from Chicago down in Memphis, while ICE attempts to sucker punch the wind out of the Windy City. South Korea has Trump filling his pants as if they designed the assembly line. Everybody seems more scared of Trump than Brazil was of Bolsonaro. Kathy Hochul endorses Zohran Mamdani. It's about time, and it is the time.

Ever wake with a start and wonder what David Waldman thinks about a subject? How about Greg Dworkin? Rest easy, they're both here today! Booooooooo! Donald K. Trump hiked, or maybe was carried on a litter, to a quite local restaurant in order to win a food-related dare from a reporter. (He'd eat anything if you dared him to.)  You'd be amazed at what some people will do if you are their source of food. Hey! WHERE the WHITE women AT? Always on the lookout, Donald located one in Charlotte, North Carolina, which is lucky (for him) as surprisingly, white women are worth 6 times more than a black woman! Nonetheless, non-whites and Democrats sure add up if you can keep scoring. Speaking of two weeks, that is when you can expect the Epstein files, as Dems keep racking up their scores and Trump suuuuuuucks. Until then, Trump's art of the birthday card will carry us through. Jim Jordan doesn't buy it. Jim knows that Trump was running for president in… 2009… that's about 10 years since Jim began crying like a dog and begging people to keep him out of jail. A Federal judge blocks Trump from the firing of Fed's Lisa Cook, for now. There's only so many rush orders that the Trump Supremes can handle. The Zohran Mamdanimentum continues to roll along. Turns out that Jewish New Yorkers are not anti-Semitic.  Congrats to Oliver North on his marriage to Fawn Hall... no that's not her… not her either, nope… There she is! Ah, that might be why Donald wants to get back to the seventies.

David Waldman is back to tell it like it is and was. Eee-Ew! The Jeffrey Epstein birthday book has been released, the Trump-Epstein birthday letter has been revealed, and it's real, it's bad, and it sure is icky, much like many of its participants. Donald was certain that we all agreed the issue killed itself in its cell and was long gone and buried by now, but apparently that isn't the case. The Trump Supreme Court lifted restrictions on roving patrols and racial profiling on immigration stops, but you better believe they weren't talking about people wearing lederhosen and alpine hats. The Supreme Court also allowed Trump to fire the FTC commissioner, which of course goes against precedent. It would go against precedent to shut the whole place down and walk away, but here we are. Gops take their tit for tat for tit with Dems to Defcon 2 on Monday. Chuck Schumer tells them they might rue the day that they go Defcon 1… RUE He tells ya! Want to know more about “Discharge Petition No. 9”? Discharge procedure in the House? The travails and tribulations of House Resolution 581? Don't ask me! David knows about all that stuff. One thing that David did not know is that Missouri Democrats are holding a sit-in to protest a special session to redraw their congressional map. Now we all do!

David Waldman catches us up on the multiple disasters since Friday. Greg Dworkin catches us up on the multiple disasters since Thursday. Boooo! Trump was booooooooed at the US Open. If they don't want to hear boos, they shouldn't invite Trump. Or Winsome Earle-Sears. Tiny hands, deep throat, Donald K. Trump was an FBI Snitch according to Mike Johnson, the last guy anyone would trust to keep a secret. The Miami Herald and New York Times seek to unseal records on Jeffrey Epstein's estate, while we all know that Jeffrey Epstein and everyone on the Epstein list has been brought to you by capitalism.  Zohran Mamdanimentum continues as Americans are beginning to see capitalism about as badly as they do Trump. LG Energy specialists squeezed into 90+ day rotations to set up a Hyundai battery plant in Georgia were caught in violation of that “+” part, were belly-chained and hauled out of the country. The plant they were setting up won't be hiring Americans any time soon, thanks to Karen-Republican Mar-a-Lago wannabe Tori Branum. Don't expect to hear more from Branum but do expect a lot more plants to be shut down. The Department of War begins its Midway Blitz, which is not a war, it is simply a police action. Why do so many Republicans think Trump is more liberal than he is? If people die in Florida because of lack of vaccines, it will be a surprise to Florida Surgeon General Ladapo. RFK Jr. will have seen it all coming, as he always does a year or so later. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists will save lives in the future by ignoring the CDC today. Ironically, the owner of one of the most punchable faces in politics, Scott Bessent, keeps wanting to punch others in their faces. This time it was the quite punchable Bill Pulte and for the same reason as Scott picked ever punchable Elon Musk. Scott heard both were bad mouthing him to Donald. Scott almost took Bill out, back there on the cement slab they have over the White House septic tank. E. Jean Carroll won her judgement against Trump again.

David Waldman opens up the Friday Firehose! Donald K. Trump will sign an order renaming small condoms to “large”. Also, war is “peace” and Pete Hegseth and Ronny Jackon are “sober”. Our friends are becoming our enemies, and our enemies are... still our enemies, but becoming each other's friends. Russia still likes appreciates enjoys us, though. So much for moving jobs back to the US, as construction of a Hyundai plant was halted when ICEISIS apprehended 500 workers. Children were almost kidnapped to Guatemala, but Judge Sparkle Sooknanan said NO at 4 AM Sunday Labor Day morning. Folks around the White House sure have been kicking themselves about the Abrego Garcia case, especially in the way they allowed Garcia to continue to exist. This oversight has been rectified for all future cases, beginning with 11 never-to-be-interviewed guys in a little skiff off the coast of Venezuela. Navy SEALs encountered a bunch of North Korean witnesses in 2019, and you don't see Senators or the Times parading them around, do you? ICEISIS is adding the DSS. Stephen Miller gets his own SS but has yet to receive one of those cool double-breasted leather overcoats. You'd think that Miller and Generalissimo Trump could afford to start wearing something more media friendly to be seen on their friendly media.  Posse Comitatus might bring about POTUS interruptus. Anyone who has ever taken more than one from the “Take One” bowl will face consequences in this administration. Almost anyone. None of the 15 Epstein binder-carrying influencers showed up to support the victims yesterday. Marjorie Taylor Greene will be happy to read the Epstein list in Congress as she knows that only those people that she wants to uncover will be contained in the list that she will be reading. Arrogant science-denying paranoid kook anti-vaxxing shrivel-pizzle RFK Jr. aggravated the entire Senate yesterday. The Trump administration is now stealing ideas from South Park, while Trump poaches Fox News of valuable racist talent. Meanwhile, an incredibly lifelike Melania Trump welcomed our new robot overlords.

David Waldman calls 'em like he sees 'em. Greg Dworkin calls 'em like they was. But they ain't nothin' till KITM calls 'em. Roll call! Thomas Massie is joined by empathetic Democrats and a few traumatized Republicans in a discharge petition to force a floor vote on his “Epstein Files Transparency Act.” Nancy Mace was so shaken that she almost forgot who her daddy was. Epstein survivors float release of an unofficial client list, but with all this talk of Epstein victims, will anyone remember the Epstein victors? RFK Jr. tried to sell Senators his snake oil but found few takers. Florida Surgeon General Joseph Ladapo earned his Black Florida Republican bonafides, urging Floridians to earn their PhDs in virology before it's too late. The West Coast Health Alliance will ally to maintain west coast health. Putin, Xi and Kim aren't waiting around and are planting their organ orchards today. Harvard wins! Trump's freeze on research funds was declared unconstitutional. Where did you get the idea that they've been losing all this time? Probably from the same place that led you to believe this was all about antisemitism, when the DOJ's lawyer is a Nazi-stan?  Trump is making the losers taking votes from Andrew Cuomo into winners in the hopes of stemming the irrepressible Zohran Mamdanimentum. NASA's problem has never been a lack of brilliant people; it is their lack of hardball lobbyists. Job cuts are the worst since the pandemic, and you wonder why Trump is blowing up boats?

David Waldman brings us the Wednesday KITM, on Wednesday, as expected, and as expected on a Wednesday, Greg Dworkin, who's here to ask, “Health and wellness, but whose?” Well, not yours, that's for sure. This month RFK Jr. plans to announce which of the four humors is responsible for autism, but Bob is definitely certain that most children could use at least a little letting. Meanwhile, Donald K. Trump is dead, he just doesn't know it yet because he hasn't seen it on TV. It turns out that when Donald was seen doing his “Stanky Leg” in public, it wasn't all about his stanky leg... It might have been even worse, if you can imagine that. By the way, Trump will only die when the majority of MAGA says he has, so look for that in maybe in a few generations. Sadly, for Donald, the Nobel Committee only hands out their prize on the 10th war averted, and it doesn't seem that Vlad will be punching his ticket on that. Xi Jinping sends a message to Trump, the message that he just doesn't know how to throw a cool parade. Jeffreeeeey Epsteiiiiiiin! Trump sends the US vuvuzela corps over to the capital today, but if that's not enough he can always blow up some more boatloads of Venezuelan citizens. Are you doing your part? ICE agents across the nation sure are doing theirs, and most are getting away with it, as long as they hide their identities a little. Trump will take over Chicago, NYC, and Greenland as soon as he gets rid of that TACO creeping up his spine. Gov. Kathy Hochul is getting used to defying Trump and accepting Zohran Mamdani. The Fifth Circuit rejects Trump's wartime deportation baloney, while Jeanine Pirro dejectedly sucks down another wine box as grand juries award her yet another “no bill prize”. The USDA is cutting farmers loose from more supervision, while oyster farmer Graham Platner fights the oligarchy.  Space Command moves to Alabama, which is more proof that we are in the wrong timeline.

David Waldman and KITM are back to begin the month that will most likely end with a government shutdown, which sounds bad only if you consider what we have now to be better than nothing. Donald K. Trump cancelled $4.9B in foreign aid under the Presidential “Taksies Backsies” Rule. Many say that he can't do that. Only 5 are actually required to say that he can do that. Trump says that he captured $8 Trillion in tariff revenue, which would have been much bigger had he'd been able to pronounce the names of numbers bigger than a trillion. Trump also stated that Washington DC is crime free and that he's never felt better. That's why the stock market doesn't seem to mind. Things are never what Trump says, he'll always TACO, and there'll always be somebody in the Fed to protect them.   US commerce secretary Howard Lutnick has nepo babied investment firm Cantor Fitzgerald, which has his sons become richer with every TACO Trump serves. RFK Jr. knows mitochondria like Trump knows blockchain, in that they know that their ignorance will only kill you.

Hey, it's Labor Day, and you know what that means! Well, it might mean that Trump is dead, but probably not. It does, however, mean that you're getting less Greg Dworkin today. Also, less me! But because we're bringing you our September 3, 2024 episode to keep you company for the holiday, and because September 3, 2024 was a Tuesday, you'll get to hear good ol' Joan McCarter's voice again! If you're wondering why I started the summary so oddly, well, you'll get it once you see how the summary for the original show went. You see, it started like this... Hey, it's the day after Labor Day, and you know what that means! For one, it means that it's Tuesday, which means that not only is David Waldman back live, but so is Joan McCarter! Also, it's the day that millions across the nation awake in the morning, crawl out of their burrows, see their shadows, and realize the need to figure out who they will vote for. Kamala Harris and Tim Walz have already risen to the challenge, while Donald Trump and JD Vance extended their weekend. By the way, Snopes states that no one has yet verified that the specimen jars carried by Trump supporters contained “fake” JD Vance semen… I guess they need local couch cushions for a match? That awkwardly segues us into Trump's promise to make government socialistically provide IVF treatments for gay couples and single cat ladies. Good for him! Although Donald might not have considered how his stance might affect IUI families, and the sensibilities of his Vice President, or even his previous Vice President. Meanwhile, the Harris-Walz team heads to Florida with a clearer stance. September also is the beginning of Congress's legislative sprint, although there really wasn't anything keeping them from starting earlier. House Gops now have only a few weeks left to impeach Joe Biden.  If you had time set aside to head to Bedminster to attend the gala in honor of January 6th rioters, or have your photo taken giving a thumbs up standing on Donald Trump's freshly dug grave, you will be disappointed as both events have been again postponed. Public school teachers, already overworked and underpaid, are now expected to perform surprise sex change operations on their students.    

David Waldman pines for the Virginia fjords around this time of year and can only deny his wanderlust two more hours before this three-day weekend.  Generalissimo Donald K. Trump will keep hosting military parades until everyone salutes. The Navy version should have better floats of course and will feature dancing Sea Cadets, escorting the beautiful new giant Ashli Babbitt balloon, along with musical guest Gloria Gaynor riding on the Robert E. Lee memorial float, brought to you by that “King of Beers”, Pete Hegseth. ICEISIS are icing themselves out. You can now spot them by looking for the “47” tattoo next to their “88”. You knew that with the Trump administration it'd be only a matter of time before there would be a Federal Boob Inspector. Speaking of Tatas, Anthony Tata, retired brigadier general, practicing racist Islamophobe, and acting Pentagon lacky, has been connected in a few ways to the internet's most notorious astrologer, Amy Tripp. If New Jersey got rid of Alina Habba when they should have, they wouldn't be in the trouble that they are in today. Trump cancels Kamala Harris' Secret Service detail as he'd hate to see anyone live longer than him. Greenland is all bothered just because the US is looking into toppling their government. Trump says, Relax guy! You should see what we have planned for Alaska! Gop Mark Alford goes to town halls to lie, thinking that his constituents understood that. Lies are bad for science, etc. so scientists etc. are moving to Blue Sky.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin regroup here at the top of the week and help work out our next move. Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce got engaged on my birthday, thus making that date easier for everyone to remember. Pseudo-president Trump is crypto-president from now on. In happy news for crackers, the cracker barrel returns to Cracker Barrel. Could a one-week feint towards a clipart logo be a publicity stunt to replace their dying customer base with MAGA hardcore? If so, expect Red Lobster's rebrand as “Red State”. Cops: DC is really cleaning up the town as the interdepartmental queue forms behind each potential jaywalking bust. Anyhow, it's all the arresting that counts, not the crime. Maybe a nice train station to play with will keep them busy. OK, Doomer. ICEISIS may feel like it's around every corner (because that's the intent) but that doesn't mean that you have to give up. Democrats lead the U.S. House generic by 8 points, and in real-life very-red Iowa, Catelin Drey won by 11, in a district Trump carried by 11. It happened there, and it should be happening everywhere. The US might be involved with attempting to destabilize a sovereign democracy! Shocking, right? Greenland might be asking for it, but that doesn't mean it's giving Donald consent to grab it by the windfarms. European postal services are holding your mail. You'll need to stop by and pick it up. Delulu DOGE dropped skibidi Social Security numbers… AnD fanum tax bro! Kilmar Abrego Garcia has a decision to make. Either Trump's penis is tiny, and Kilmar goes to Uganda, or it is not tiny, and he goes to Costa Rica. All of the federal judges in Maryland avoid rendering a verdict on Trump's tiny penis… for now.

Happy birthday to me!  And to David Waldman, yesterday. Remember, it's never too late to send belated birthday greetings or cash! Donald K. Trump, in a move so indefensible that the New York Times can barely defend it, is “firing” Federal Reserve Governor Lisa Cook, which of course Trump “shouldn't”, in fact, "can't" do, for something that he himself has done time and time again… Lisa Cook will fight back, although a public statement on her part regarding Donald's not-tiny penis would clear her today. Satire has become standard diplomatic art of the deal nowadays. Kilmar Ábrego García unfortunately has found himself the measure of Trump's manhood… and just as likely to disappear. Speaking of shrinkage, If Alina Habba's appointment is held illegal, a lot more could be. Fulton County Georgia commissioners are standing against tyranny and aren't yet in Uganda, and every federal judge in Maryland now can sleep easier tonight.

David Waldman is older than he used to be! By an entire year somehow! Congratulations! Also… Armando!  Greg Dworkin is completely different of course, and so is his Raft O' Stories™, although they could all be a distraction from the real story. The Zohran Mamdanimentum keeps growing, because it's fun and Zohran is having fun and New Yorkers are a fun-loving bunch. Similarly, Gavin Newsomentum is building, even though there are Dems out there whose anxiety builds when they see too much fun going on and would like to remind you here in August 2025 that you don't “have to” vote for Gavin in November 2028 if you don't want to. Expect Trump to drop the word “CUCK” into his posts soon in order to get ahead of Newsom comparisons. Or Trump could just have Gavin arrested. Time for some legal problems for Chris Christie. Time for some legal problems for every federal judge in Maryland. Gorsuch and Kavanaugh note that none of these people are either of them. Kilmar Abrego Garcia could inspire this administration to reinstitute crucifixion. Let's pour one out for two Fulton County Dems, Dana Barrett and Mo Ivory, protectors of democracy and presently unincarcerated. Trump will obviously send troops into Chicago. Not because he needs to, but because he wants to. Cheating is so fun that it might not matter if it actually works. Soon we will all have something to cry about. US consumers with prime credit are starting to fall behind in their payments. Millions are being pushed off of Medicaid and Obamacare, no matter what they are being told now. And COVID isn't going away, but the vaccine is. Years of effort have finally paid off. Nancy Mace has finally worn out her welcome.

David Waldman delivers us to Friday, where long reads and in-depth analysis are intended to be the order of the day… But first we need to address this whole Cracker Barrel thing. You'd think that a Cracker Barrel logo change would only upset some crackers, but it turns out to be a big money-losing deal. Or perhaps it was losing big money that led to the logo change. Maybe it was their peg game. Maybe it was the racism. Maybe it was the sexual harassment, the salmonella, and the racism. Cracker Barrel will need a really good logo to get out of this one, or a high White House loyalty rating. Otherwise, it will end up on the ash heap of history with the Smithsonian. Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whacha gonna do? Donald K. Trump guest stars on Cops: DC while across town the FBI raids John Bolton's home and office. Fannie Mae's Pulte/Palantir crime detection unit is powered by AI, DOGE and spite. A federal judge found that Alina Habba is unlawfully serving as US attorney for New Jersey before Alina was even halfway to the “Mar-a-Lago” in her Botox treatments. Ironically, all lawyers now become busier. A New York appeals court gives Trump a lift in his goal of appealing his way to the grave.  Donald TACOs out of his vengeance upon flag burners and voters but will stick with Tina Peters until the bitter end as long as it's profitable.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bring us the latest in news and opinion. By the way… Jeffrey Epstein! At least James Dobson is dead. Gavin C. Newsom (Gorgeous) has been hand selected (Some say RIGGED) by God to return AMERICA's democracy and Democracy to the “USA”. Of course, in 2028, Gavin's policy stands and personal aptitude for the presidency will be of utmost… Hello? You do remember 2015, right?  As do the people behind the Gavin Newsom Press Office, Camile Zapata and Izzy Gardon. That's the long game. The short game sees the majority of Democrats backing California's counter-gerrymandering of Texas as a good thing. California's Supreme Court is stepping out of the way. So, what is Donald K. Trump really up to in Washington? Nothing, as usual, and no good, as usual. Who to better represent Trump than the three most hated stooges in American history, Stephen Miller, Pete Hegseth and JD Vance? DC's criminals better watch out, the new gang means business. Elise Stefanik knows that she's hated by most of her constituents, Democrat and Republican, but she will never rest until she earns the antipathy of each person in her district. The Freedom Caucus is heading into various sunsets in the next couple of years. Fannie Mae chair Bill Pulte is weaponizing Palantir-DOGE hacked Fannie Mae computers against any Democrat with two houses. (probably) Walmart is now offering a high price guarantee, while jobs slowly head for the cliff.  No one does not see the crash coming. Trump wants the Fed to let him squeeze out the last bit before it all ends. No matter how you slice it, Mamdanimentum rolls through NYC. Next week: Jeffrey Epstein!

David Waldman returns to Wednesday and finds Greg Dworkin there waiting for him. Greg knows Pi to five decimal places, so why don't we elect him? Not enough people like Democrats, but enough do for them to beat Republicans. Donald K. Trump is helping pull down Gops in every way imaginable, in almost every place imaginable. Frank Serpico hopes to see a Zohran Mandani movie someday. The Mamdanimentum seems unstoppable. Elise Stefanik seems stoppable.  Trump's no angel… yet... but the mainstream media would rather we all went to hell. Trump estimates that the US is the only country that uses mail-in voting. He figures that if his buddy Bibi is a war hero, he must be too.  Of course, his buddy Vlad is a war criminal…  If the National Guard can open carry in DC, Jeanine Pirro will allow regular citizens to carry shotguns and rifles as long as they carry them patriotically. A police officer in Maine could tell that he's not Jeanine's type. ICE denied a parking spot cooled off by kicking some Latinos. Dan Bongino is assigned a babysitter, while it takes a village for Pete Hegseth.

Tuesday! David Waldman! KITM! Can you imagine anything more condescending or patronizing than telling a world leader that today his suit is more acceptable to you?  Maybe not you, but you aren't Donald K. Trump. Yesterday, in between the times that Trump was waiting for European dignitaries to quit talking about him, he managed to work in something nasty for each person in the room. When he ran out of insults, he just left them there to call up BFF Vlad Putin and talk behind their back. Donald did learn a few things from the meeting, of course not the things people wanted him to. Gops used to support mail-in voting, back when they thought they had to support voting.  Trump wants 14-year-olds arrested. Married. Pregnant. Trump wants 14-year-olds… The Feds are taking control of everything in DC. They have no plans to give anything back. Many judges openly doubt this administration. Somehow, those judges aren't the ones being assigned to his cases. A large houseplant has been taken from the White House, unfortunately it is not Trump. Former Georgia Lt. Gov. Geoff Duncan says he likes ethics and decency, hears that Democrats might vote for that stuff.

As today's KITM plays in a box in the corner of the screen, David Waldman watches and comments. This, in turn, plays in the corner of the screen that Greg Dworkin watches and comments upon, and they are in the corner of the screen that I watch and comment upon. Here's where you come in. Greg dredges up another Raft O' Stories™ out of the x-sewers. Good news! Through the alchemy of Blue Sky, I have magically changed each of those posts into gold. More good news! Donald K. Trump did not sell Alaska to Vlad! Well, he might have given it away to him, or just left the deed somewhere, but the whole point of this yak-fest was a strategy session to take on the leader of the free world and fashion king, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky. Their strategy seems to be bringing JD “Just Dance” Vance as his “muscle”. At this moment Trump is selling Zelensky on switching Ukraine to high-flush toilets. Meanwhile, members of ICE ISIS roam the streets of our capitol, pretty much finding criminals around every corner. Restaurants only wish they could find some of those liberated customers, who, along with students, are now sheltering-in-place. The US might still look like a good place to, say, Gazans, but not if Laura Loomer has anything to say about it. Pity Kristi Noem! Now she can't take off work early to lay that married sexual assaulter Corey Lewandowski in her free house confiscated from a political enemy without everybody being up in her business. Department of Justice Special Attorney Ed Martin personifies the weaponization of Federal government by dressing as McGruff the Crime Dog and lurking outside the home of New York Attorney General Letitia James. MS NOW! You got to hope Gloria Steinem sues. Rogan just figured out what everyone else knew about.. anything, really. Does this mean that the national pendulum is swinging back to smart from dumb? Probably not, but more of them could be voting Democratic.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are together again, one more time until we're all seeing Russia from our house. Donald K. Trump always wants a crisis, which is the only manufacturing job booming in the US, thanks to pansies like Tim Burchett, hiding in his DC office because his Tennessee office would be too dadgum dangerous, brother.  Spirit Halloween costume come to life, Markwayne Mullin, needs to really hydrate to pee his pants so constantly. (Speaking of shitty neighborhoods, get out of ExTwitter, and follow the Editorial Board on Blue Sky. They have the exact same posts, but they smell better.) Remember kids, when throwing a sandwich has the same penalty as throwing a brick, don't waste your food! Trump's choice to run the Bureau of Labor Statistics might look like he ties women to railroad tracks, but the White House swears he wasn't a January 6th terrorist… not that there's anything wrong with that. But, now we're WINNING! At this moment. Famine or feast now might be irrelevant at election. Short-term thinking is destroying America and playing into Trump's tiny hands, according to these headlines, I mean, tldr! Trump would not have to be a dictator if you'd just do what you're told. Maybe he'll run for re-election in 2026 if he's feeling cute. Some Gops want to wait for a little more totalitarianism before they redistrict. Dems would redistrict, but feel uncomfortable winning that much. What do the polls say? Whatever you want them to… mostly what Trump wants them to. (Ron Brownstein would be on Blue Sky, but you playin'.) Whoever wins Civil War II, moderates should be the first ones up against the wall.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin take us over the wacko Wednesday hump. Winning! That will be the only conclusion you'll ever be able to draw about the US, from any US source from now on. Everything that the government says henceforth will be consistently useless for every citizen. Stats, science, history, and art will first pass through Donald K. Trump, and those who don't come back for seconds will regret it. (Speaking of crap, don't go to that site. Ron Brownstein, Bruce Bartlett, and of course, Justin Wolfers are on Blue Sky. Heck, you can watch Justin Wolfers on MSNBC, on somebody else's TV, on bsky.app!  Trump wants to know students' race to make certain that the wrong ones don't get extra. The NIH will pivot away from mRNA vaccines, not because they don't work, but because of vibes. Their vibes. CDC projects and careers are shot down as bullets come through their windows. Skateboarders beware! A military presence in Washington DC won't stop murders, car jackings or arson on any block where they aren't standing, and the bubble boys will still be afraid to come out, but DC did vote for Kamala, therefore a bronze likeness of Big Balls will need to be placed at the base of the Washington Monument. Political polls (BTW, follow Political Polls on Blue Sky) indicate some good things upcoming for Dems. Latinos still surviving in the United States are beginning to sour on the Gop. WARs and WARPs are the MVPs. Mamdanimentum is being fueled by Cuomo and Trump, as a list of their scandals can fill a dozen ads. Forget The Apprentice. Ghislaine Maxwell is the reigning champion on The Price is Right, and it's looking good for the Showcase Showdown. Russia, Russia, Russia! Usha Vance may not hate JD now, but why wait on the divorce? Marjorie Taylor Greene makes more than 30 times what she did when she was first elected. How? Go to hell! Maybe her buddy Laura Loomer can take her there.

David Waldman does his Tuesday KITM thing. As you are doing, right now. Donald K. Trump, that little ‘Gyna-tease, taco'd his China tariffs into Christmas buying season. As if he'd ever cross Xi Jinping, who's quite a pussy-grabber himself. Trump's off to Alaska, but he's already given away his planned Putin bargaining chip. Meh, Trump is a bigger commie than the two of them put together, and a true innovator of corruption. Donald's the Thomas Edison of Harold Hills, the Elon Musk of Elon Musks. He's earned every cyberpenny he's soaked from the rubes, no matter how many that may be. Who better, then, to crack down on crime? At least, the crime of being scary, young, brown, and/or homeless and in the line of sight of old, white, pussies, and/or tourists. It's hard to fight back against fear, hate, bigotry... and cops. Republicans are getting used to being hated, maybe... a little turned on, maybe they'll pass a couple more mega-bills and see how that feels. JD Vance must love being hated. Why else would he hang around Usha?

David Waldman is back! No wait, I was gone, he was here. At least it's Friday, right? A good guy without a gun stopped a bad guy with a gun at a place with a lot of guns. It sounds as if Trump oversold his trade deals a bit. He does have a tendency to overstate things.  Trump showed reporters a poster with a line and numbers no one has ever seen before. Winning! Trump appointees sacked Judge James Boasberg's contempt order against other Trump officials, prompting Senator Sheldon Whitehouse to explain the problem to Chief Justice John Roberts, who dropped the letter in the TLDR file, as he has some elections to rig.​​​​ DOJ senior advisor Jared Wise, called police “Nazi” and demanded their murder… but that was back when he was an impressionable youngster of four or so years ago. WNBA players aren't paid what they are worth but certainly don't need some incels' hand-me-down dildos. Don Jr. gave his dad a dildo along with all the Skibidi rizz that, of course, entails.

It's Thursday! That means Greg Dworkin is on his way out the door for the weekend! That's OK. Congress is gone all month. Which might be why Democrats in that body aren't doing what the latest “centrist” pundit says they ought to be doing… which is, of course, praising Trump. But under no circumstances must you hand it to Trump! The “idea,” we gather, stems from the Old School Media Playbook, which instructs that if a president says it and then it happens, it's a “win.” Even if it's an obvious disaster. But this particular “idea” also rests on multiple false assumptions. Like that Democrats have no electoral support. (They do.) Or that Trump is popular. (He's not.) Or that his “policies” are wise and well-considered. (They're not.) Or that members of his party benefit politically from his leadership. (They don't.) Nope. He's the same guy he's always been. Plotting a coverup of his sex scandals. Firing people who won't do his dirty work, or lie for his benefit. You know, the usual. Meanwhile, in Gotham… where Eric Adams is already corrupted by Trump, Andrew Cuomo seeks Trump's counsel. And adds one of the least-respected consultants in the country to his team of duds, which is sure to make things worse. But he might not even be the dumbest Cuomo of the day! On the Jeffrey Epstein front: Jeffrey Epstein, Jeffrey Epstein, Jeffrey Epstein! Is there anything that can make this worse? Sure! Woody Allen! While we're on the topic of public pervos, there's still more (mysteriously less-than-disastrous) news about MAGA trainwreck Cory Mills. Why is this news less than disastrous, anyway? IOKIYAR, as the olds used to say, when they were young.

If we have to keep talking about Jeffrey Epstein, then at least let us hear more Tom Lehrer! Well, with Greg Dworkin on hand to round up the day's news, that's never a problem! Unless you're Donald Trump, that is. Because people think that guy sucks! Though it may just be worse given his bad timing. Of course, it could also be, you know, his “policies.” Or his policy of firing people who report statistics indicating that his policies suck. Or pulling out all the stops to rig the system, all while crying loudly that it's rigged against him. Or just maybe, the leopards he keeps sending to eat his voters' faces. Or maybe lots of Republicans are going to “get Flooded” when the time comes, whomever or wherever they may be. Given how bad the landscape is for Trump and his Republicans, why would any Democrat or independent ever fall into the trap of praising him? Something happened to “Big Balls.” We're just not sure exactly what. But we know it's being used as an excuse for yet another moment of Trump extremism. But don't let the extremism distract you from the revisionism! Whether at home or abroad. Really, you can't miss either the revisionism or the egotism. Soon enough, it'll be on display before the entire world. Know who else used the same play? Federal judges are getting fed up, though. And they won't play. Learn about the “presumption of regularity,” how Trump killed it, and what happens when it's gone.

It's No Structure Tuesday, in the Second Trump Era! And a reality TV personality-turned-government official says they're gonna put a nuclear reactor on the moon. And it wasn't even the orange one! That's the kind of day it's been. Wait, here's something more random and even dumber: Murdery Traitor Greene is lobbying Trump to commute George Santos' sentence. At just 11 days into a 7+ year stretch. And if you believe that one, try imagining her leaving the Republican Party. Ha ha! Yeah. Sure, Jan. How could she ever leave when she's still actively calling for Democrats to be investigated and arrested for… the 2020 election, Epstein, and… January 6th! Democrats! Pam Bondi, meanwhile, is back to investigating Democrats for… the 2016 election. Some grand jury, somewhere, is purportedly being convened by someone, to investigate… something. You know. Things! Returning to the lengthy profile of DOGE's 23-year-old-in-charge-of-erasing-distinguished-careers, others are asking just how many people it can be said this Wunderkind killed. Good job, homeschooling! On the “international” front, Trump continues to say the world “deals” a lot. Are they “deals,” though? And are “deals” (as Trump defines the word) even a good thing in this context? Would he know how to evaluate a “good deal” even if he was capable of making one? Does it count if he just makes it all up? Stay tuned! I mean, the answer is “no,” but stay tuned to hear us say it some more, anyway.