Podcast appearances and mentions of greg dworkin

David Waldman, Greg Dworkin and Thursday, together again. Nothing else seems to be right in the world, but that makes sense. Sorry Hispanics! Trump Tower Grill has permanently removed the delicious taco bowl off its menu. Trump doesn't want to hear the words “TACO”, nor “chicken”, ever again. He'd prefer you say that he was traitorously devaluing stocks to enrich insiders than to hurt him so. Trump's tariffs have been halted by the “Court of International Trade”, which turns out to be an actual thing. America's trading partners cautiously creep out into the sunlight to see if it's safe. Tariffs might subside, but the damage is permanent. As with Trump 1.0, it's hard to imagine the disaster if these people were competent. House Gop Rep. Mike Flood explains that he's just too stupid to be blamed for this mess. Tariffs aren't the only thing that Trump always chickens out on. Donald's squealing louder about Harvard, because he's starting to be backed up. Elon Musk, who doesn't work at DOGE, is leaving DOGE, which doesn't exist, therefore, he's not really going anywhere. Still, wherever Elon goes, federal money will follow. Elon will go down in history as… well, he won't because he fired all of the historians. Trump wants his henchman Emil Bove, the only guy “alive” who looks more like Stephen Miller than Stephen Miller, to be a federal judge in order to enable him to hench better. Miller presently has several reasons for his long face, one being his wife allegedly running off to “Master Race” with Elon Musk. An ugly future for this world, indeed. Trump ratfucker Ed Martin's new job is weaponizing the DOJ weaponization probes, while also brainstorming new MAGA underworld members to pardon. He's almost run out of Republican congressmen to spring, but that's because Trump has been shutting down investigations before they can become indictments.   Todd Chrisley walks out of prison showing off his “prison bod”, but that isn't the bod that got him pardoned. Woke Okies plan to opt-out of having their kids take part in the state's White-Christian nationalist school curriculum or to even look at the superintendent.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin recalled that today was Wednesday, and many more useful and interesting things on today's KITM: MAGA didn't just move the Overton Window, they... threw it out the window. We now expect a punch in the face over a handshake. We expect losers to win, winners to lose, enemies to have our back, and fools to inform us. How much should politicians follow political consultants and polls? Well, let's consult the numbers with this expert! Like no other president before him, Donald K. Trump feels the pain of jury-convicted celebrity tax-cheats and fraudsters who hate Joe Biden and arrange to give him $1 million or more up front. Poor Elon! The only way Musk would ever get a Starship to Mars is if he took the stick and flew it himself. MAHA! A-ha! “Ah... No” say the different factions of crazy in health nuts. Honky Tonk Man wanted to be the “El Kabong” of WWF, but he was more like the “JD Vance” ... who btw has Jeb Bush charisma wrapped in Steven Miller whimsicality. Meanwhile, Senate Democrats could do something, if only Senate Democrats did things. People who do fight Trump, do win.

His bluebirds bouncing off the KITM World Headquarters transom windows might now be replaced by bluegills, yet David Waldman was able to arrive in freshly washed sweatpants to greet our birthday boy Greg Dworkin 

Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin take it to the next level but only find more pits to jump over. Sauds are used to having guests “brown-nose” them, but they haven't met anyone quite so into it as Donald K. Trump. Donald's still over there, so there must be more silverware he can fit under his baggy suit. Useless Grok at ExTwitter can tell you what Trump's scheme is but will probably blame it on White genocide. Not even AI knows what Kash Patel did as a consultant for Qatar. Even the New York Post can't spin Qatar's ‘Palace in the Sky' plane as anything other than a bribe. It's such an outrageous and obvious grift that Kristi Noem had to get in on it. She already has a $50 million jet but could always use others to match her outfits. Don Jr. is making sure that he's getting a taste. Elon Musk is having the US State Department force small African countries send him money, because it's always more fun to take money from poor people. DOGE doesn't amuse Elon anymore, so Gops will need a plan B. Now that there's more blood in the water than water, Dems are beginning to smell it. Oregon's attorney general is suing to block Trump's tariffs. Omaha, Nebraska has flipped blue in a big way. In New Jersey, six Democratic candidates are trying to squeeze through the primary door. Kamala Harris leads Donald Trump in the 2024 election! Unfortunately, they aren't accepting votes on that anymore, but House seats are coming up. FREE KILMAR! To the world, authoritarian countries begin to resemble their leaders, and the US is becoming an old, orange-faced jackass. Walmart will be passing tariff costs to the consumer. The bond market doesn't see us recovering. Meanwhile, birthright citizenship seems like a pretty obvious right. Trump demands that SCOTUS declare everyone who thinks that “pre-wrong”, or at least “pre-stupid”.

David Waldman throws the news at us and dives for cover. Greg Dworkin tells us that the worst is by design, and he brings the receipts from around the world. Trump makes the world safe for White flight. Donald stopped the war between India and Pakistan using only his mind. He is now wishing the war in Gaza to end. Who's Ukraine? Maybe they got him coffee one time. South Korea's conservatives throw everything up in the air to see if it all falls into place. Germany wishes to ignore their far-right, but they are a noisy bunch. After 40 years, the Kurdish group PKK says, “Oh well, it was worth a try.” In Virginia, they have no one to blame but themselves but probably won't. So, Qatar is sending Trump a giant golden palace of a 747. Hey, can't a country give their buddy a thing without everyone suddenly questioning it? The White House said Ceci n'est pas une émolument, or something to that effect. Anyhow, Trump is only borrowing it until he keeps it... that's not “corrupt”, it's called “being smart”. You'd have to be a radical Left Trump hater to say otherwise. Trump said “tariffs”, setting off another sheep stampede. Time for another executive order to yell at another cloud, this time to demand that prices go down from up where they are. Drug prices should go down once the customer base passes away. James Bond still can rest easy, his car shopping remains tariff-free. Insult to Nazis, Steven Miller, is thinking about suspending habeas corpus, inspiring fantasies of abusing his corpus. David explains habeas corpus, as does just about everyone with a keyboard this morning. We have always been at war with Eastasia. Newark Mayor Ras Baraka refused to take the bait at an ICE detention center, but that didn't keep them from arresting him. He's lucky they didn't send in Seal Team 6.

Greg Dworkin helps launch us into the weekend, with a rapid-fire roundup that somehow made a detour to Madison Square Garden. There's a new terrible Surgeon General nominee in town (who may or may not be into the raw milk thing), the old one having been chucked over on Laura Loomer's say-so! But there won't be much new baby gear in town, thanks to those tariffs. Any port in a storm, they say. But not in a trade war. And certainly not if it's on the Gulf of Mexico. Speaking of which, I don't know if any other countries are going to listen to us about that renaming project. But I know they're not listening to us on the anti-DEI project. Why would they? Why, exactly, is Elon Musk hoovering up so much government data? It's irresponsible not to speculate! North Carolina's long regional nightmare is over. Incredibly, a Trumper appears to be listening to a judge! But maybe that's because he wanted to be a judge. Trump's memecoin is a huge corruption scandal. Which (necessarily) means that its benefits skew entirely toward his wealthiest boosters. (Well, except one of them!) Especially the foreign ones. Strongly-worded letter to follow? In the House, Trump's “one big, beautiful bill” doesn't look so attractive anymore. But that's life with a razor-thin majority, I guess. Trump and courts still just don't really mix. His DOJ gets its ass handed to it in a key immigration case, with another egregious case—deportations to Libya!—likely next on the track. The kids are alright. But they've elected an anti-pope! They may still be alright, but this DOGE kid isn't.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back on the Wednesday KITM, and probably still aren't AI generated, although honestly, have you ever actually seen them? Are Jesus and Buddha space alien lizard people? Trump TV is as unglued as Trump. AI chatbots will encourage you to believe this and much more while they take over your job, and eventually your life. In real life, Kari Lake is making One America News the Voice of America. Apple juice will be one of the first things wiped off the shelves by the Trump tariff tsunami. Ed Martin was intended to make MAGA great again but is too MAGA to even get out of committee. Oh, so now disengaged voters are becoming engaged? Well, maybe too late is better than never. Dotard Donald is becoming more doddering with every passing day, and he's completely lost his bullshit fastball. If only Democrats said what they mean, mean what they said, and got stuff done, it'd be so simple. If you can't imagine a worse fate for migrants than being kidnapped and sent to El Salvador, you don't have the into-the-box imagination of a Steven Miller. Picture what awaits deportees to Libyan or Rwandan prisons! At war with Houthi rebels, the Navy has resorted to the tactic of throwing fighter jets at them. What has Ron DeSantis done for Trump lately? Not much, so into the meatball machine Ron goes.

Skype or no Skype, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin remain ready to entertain and inform us for another week or so, at least. What incomprehensibly stupid thing did Trump do or say this weekend? What incomprehensibly stupid thing didn't he say or do? Trump will make America great again by sending people to Alcatraz again, and by sending troops into Mexico, again. Trump announced 100% tariffs on Endor, Andor, and Xandar until they send all their greenscreens back to Burbank and Berea. Like a snowball disproves global warming, Wall Street stocks are proving tariff skeptics wrong. When nothing comes into port, however, nothing goes onto shelves. Donald could make a smart move in the Abrego Garcia case if he wanted to, but no one can make him. ICE will stop even ideas from crossing the border. Little Marco Rubio is now Team Trump's main man. All he had to do was lose a little of his attitude. Which Republican will have the courage to step forward?  That would suppose that there are any of them that aren't incomprehensibly stupid, wouldn't it? Around the world, fewer want to MAGA, the more they learn about it, while this administration eliminates our transnational crime unit before too many wise up.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin discuss the first 100 days; the next 100 we might need to take a day at a time. Virginia's Abigail Spanberger kind of leans Democrat, as so does her race for Governor in the state. The Senate almost stood up to Trump on Tariffs, almost. JD Vance finally found his special purpose. The US economy is beginning to cave in. It is weird how that seems to coincide with the Trump Tariffs. Trump explains that anything going wrong in this term will be Joe Biden's fault, and to just wait for his third or so term to make any judgement. In the meantime, you might need to cut back to two dolls or two Big Macs when you had planned on buying maybe 30. Pete Kegsbreath can't be more of an idiot, although he does put in daily effort to do so. Pete attended Trump's latest anal appreciation session and was personally singled out by Trump, which is a sure sign that… Mike Walz was to be bumped off. Oh well, plenty of morons where he came from. ICE isn't allowed to deport people, so how about the DoD? Ok, it's the DMV, then. Donald asked if Abrego Garcia could come back, but El Salvador said no, so that's that. The US has finally arranged to drink Ukraine's milkshake. Purportedly. Trump and paperwork, man. When it comes to Harlem vs. Harvard, Donald prefers the one where Blacks know their place. Trump is unconcerned with laws, because he plans to be the law. If you really enjoy grifting, go where the graft is, the Executive Branch. If you want to appeal to Democrats… I don't know, go wherever you see those hippy types. More Democrats need to go wherever Chris Murphy and Elizabeth Warren are.

The Frick and Frack of facts and fun, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin close out the month with today's KITM. Hoo boy are the next 100 days going to be awful. The Trump Tariffs Tsunami has begun to reach landfall and will be lapping over our hairlines in only weeks. Tourists are staying away in droves. Americans don't support Donald K. Trump on the economy. They don't support him on a lot of things. In fact, Americans don't support Trump on so many levels, that if they had any other viable choice than Democrats to pick from, they'd have already fled to whomever that would be… even so, Trump is feeling pretty threatened. Like any wild animal, Trump has an instinctual defense ready: stupid lies. The more he's threatened, the more lies, and the more stupidity until Trump's pursuer gives up, or until Karoline Leavitt saves him. Karoline has her work cut out for her, as Trump would have dug all the way to ‘Gina in his ABC interview had Terry Moran only allowed him to. She-Wolf of the DOJ, Pam Bondi, will tell you that Donald personally saved the lives of one third of the United States population in only 100 days. I mean, what more can you ask? Trump says he “could” bring Abrego Garcia back from El Salvador, but doesn't feel like it. A Fortune 500 company fired their lawyer who helped an immigrant family. The Turner Diaries is the MAGA Constitution. El Salvador is in it for the money, crypto money, and by coincidence so is the Trump family.  Believe it or not, Trump has a trust problem in the courts. Trump's lawyers aren't helping by being assholes. LeBron James of lawyers, Steven Biskupic, will be defending the Judge arrested by Trump's FBI. Steven's LeBron James of a sister will be reporting.

Busy day today! David Waldman has not one, but two days of Trump embarrassment to cover while Greg Dworkin hauls in not one, but two big Rafts O' Stories™! Donald K. Trump is a weak loser and everything he does sucks. The yutes that thought they'd love him are beginning to hate him. Bringing back Columbus Day from the ashes may not be the October surprise he and Gops hope for. New York Republican Mike Lawler found out how much Trump stink rubs off at his recent town hall.  Trump wants to see the people that complain at these town halls to be not “treated nicely”. Some nuances to that request need to be worked out, as the six men now criminally charged in the assault of Teresa Borrenpohl in Idaho can attest. OTOH, unidentified balaclava-hooded men accosted people in a Virginia courthouse, and the people who challenged their authority will be the ones prosecuted. Trump demands that people who might not like him are thrown out, fired or arrested. That's a lot of people, and that number will only grow. Taking out the judiciary is certain to streamline his process. Milwaukee County Circuit Judge Hannah Dugan has been charged with two felonies as an example to uppity judges. A former New Mexico judge has now been arrested for protecting a guy ICE thought really seemed MS-13ish. 60 Minutes Executive Producer Bill Owens quit, and correspondent Scott Pelley pretty much announces that the show will be crap from now on. Summer Redstone didn't think that his daughter Shari Redstone should take over Viacom/Paramount. Turns out, the old man was right.  All of this disgust that Trump and the Gop are earning might be good news for Democrats, had anyone liked Democrats. Democrats demand moderation! Or, to fight back! Or, to move right! Or, to redefine themselves! Or, to STFU. What was the question again?

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin stand athwart chaos yelling Stop. But chaos never listens.  Pete Kegsbreath wasn't allowed a phone in the Pentagon, so he had Signal installed on his computer. For our national security we clearly need to find the 5th grader who keeps advising Pete. Now he's asking for a makeup studio with a lock on the door. All that would seem kind of scandalous, until you hear what his boss is up to. There's the Trump Tariffs, which could be at any level on any country as you read this, but it doesn't matter. The damage has already been done, and in a few weeks that tsunami will make landfall. It's easy to predict the destruction and lawsuits are in preparation. Trump has some new and old lies prepared, and some will be prepared to believe them. After all, look at how Elon Musk's transparent lies always boost his stocks. Maybe a couple of big flags will help. Trump's deportation machine keeps growing, as do the lies. Migrants keep going to El Salvador, despite court orders. Donald K. Trump explains that trials would take a lot of time and effort, and we need to deal with masses of offenders quickly and efficiently if we want a real final solution to our illegals problem. Generally, people don't approve of these things. Trump's approval rating is lower than the “worst president in history”, which is also of course, him. ICE trucks cruising around like ice cream trucks seem to have soured Hispanic support. Trump would rather be feared than liked, but he has a real problem with not being liked as well. The only people more insecure than Trump or even Elon Musk are the incels too poor to afford to pay women to pretend to like them. They hope Trump will tariff women into relieving their 100% sex trade deficit. 

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here today, with a 50% reduction in staffing projected for tomorrow. You don't even want to know what is planned for Saturday. Hey, any human system will produce simple clerical errors, amirite? And afterwords, lie about it, lie again, and again, then stonewall any investigation, then smear and threaten the investigators, then really threaten the investigators, I mean we've all been there… Oh lord, Kilmar Abrego Garcia is already dead, isn't he? The thing that Trump does, before he quits doing it, is do it as bad as he can, so we can expect a lot worse. People are fighting back even as fighting back becomes riskier. MAGA, meanwhile, demands even more scalps. Trump will get high-flow showerheads and incandescent bulbs and coal power whether anyone else wants them or not. Especially if no one wants them. Who's going to tell him differently? Well, Trump did call off a strike on Iran nuclear sites. We'll probably find out how that happened in the next (Hic) seth leaks… if we don't read it on Signal first. Law firms who had let Donald pussygrab them might soon be dismayed to find him coming back for more. The Ivy League resistance, however, is just getting started. Remember Ron DeSantis? Donald K. Trump doesn't, so Ron has been having an increasingly difficult time keeping accountability from creeping up on him. Speaking of creeps, Frederick Piccolo Jr., a former Ron DeSantis spokesman, was caught exposing his Freddy Piccolo Jr. 4 too many times. Remember Mike Lindell? No, me neither.

David Waldman brings us to today's KITM, which is certainly a day. Greg Dworkin joins us with a slew packed into his Raft O' Stories™! What happens if a president and the federal government fail to follow a judge's orders? This administration couldn't just Google the answer to that, could they? If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. But, if you only lie, you also don't need to remember anything, yet you have nothing to be responsible for. Of course, judges have to come along and harsh everyone's mellow. Trump has a point; El Salvador's Hotel California is intended to be our NIMBY death-camp. Americans hate it when clerical errors happen in front of our faces. If people return from being disappeared, it kind of defeats the purpose.  Harvard University has decided to defeat Trump's purpose, which might cost them a couple of billion in funding. Then again, Columbia has turned about, and hopefully other universities are taking notes. Meanwhile, Maine is showing other states how it's done. Canadians are quick studies. The slowest of the slow learners, incumbent Democrats, are just beginning to find out. Are they bright enough to come out against the Trump Tariffs, though?  Trump's Tariff Disaster might last longer than the dollar. Time for coders to retrain as coal miners, and preschoolers to jumpstart their careers in operating textile looms. Luckily, Elon Musk has been incel-seeding his own master race, for exactly these circumstances. Rumor has it that Elon's way past second base with Shivon Zilis… She could be the one! Civil rights are for losers.

The weekend provided no respite from tariff whiplash. And the tariff whiplash (and attendant cheerleading) just drove the rest of the economy that much further down. Greg Dworkin even titled the APR with a warning. And of course, when you've lost Ross Douthat, you've temporarily lost Ross Douthat. Trump spent the weekend snubbing VIPs and watching the wrong people win sporting events. In other weekend excitement—or incitement, as the case may be—there was a little extracurricular activity at the Pennsylvania Governor's mansion. Nayib Bukele is in town today. “Cool!” We'll see whether he “facilitates” Trump's defiance of the courts, or moots the whole issue (which he, like me, sees as just a contracts issue) by “gifting” Kilmar Abrego García back to the United States. Either way, we're preparing to ship still more people to El Salvador, despite the 90% “error” rate. And this extremely poor record is impacting evidence-free student round-ups not at all! The protests continue this weekend. Good thing, too! New for your radar: Binance wants the regulatory dogs called off, while it's busy trying to bribe Trump. And the latest trend in DOGE sleight-of-hand: declaring immigration targets “dead,” so that they lose their benefits, work papers, insurance, bank accounts, and pretty much everything else that makes it possible to live here. Which is the idea, of course.

Today on KITM, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back! Of course, you expected them to, but how often do things go as expected anymore? If you thought it was profitable lurking on Pete Hegseth's signal chats, just think of being on Don Jr. or MTG's alerts yesterday!  Democrats not on the friend lists are sternly authoring letters at this moment. Who'd guess that Donald K. Trump would use tariffs to reward his friends, when everyone just assumed that he was only using them to punish his enemies? Well, following Trump's victory/defeat, we can put that behind us, except that it hasn't changed and it's still coming…. The apocalypse has been only delayed, until DOGE can make a run on the banks as fun as a run on the stock market. Congress could take tariff authority back from Trump tomorrow, it's just that they've arranged for tomorrow to not arrive this year. As for today, you knew Republicans weren't going to stick around through recess debating their big horrible bill. (Including Jared Golden (Maine), Marie Gluesenkamp Perez (Wash.), Henry Cuellar (Texas) and Ed Case (Hawaii). Golden Trump bust lapel pins are the new American Flag on Republican lapels as Trump directs Pam Bondi, She Wolf of the DOJ, to find capital offences with people who weaponized politics at him. Trump has an Article 2 which allows him to call for 2nd Amendment solutions on anyone. They were just putting Henrry Villatoro Santos blindfold on when they had to let him go. Elon Musk needs to buy his elections more discreetly.  Tulsi Gabbard declared her residency in Texas, then voted in Hawaii… Look a squirrel, on that grassy knoll!

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin return to today's KITM. You didn't think ever miss this, did you? For those of you keeping a tally, Donald K. Trump also does not understand what the word “beautiful” means.  The stock market continues to crash here and around the world. There was that moment when people became insane enough to believe that Trump might have suddenly become sane, but then another Trillion bucks went away forever, and reality snapped back. This is an economic catastrophe orchestrated by Republicans, but one they don't know how, don't care how, and are afraid to fix.  Follow Lawrence H. Summers on Blue Sky. (Unfollow him anywhere else.)   All of this FAFO will be just the medicine MAGA needs. Trump will crash the economy and thus all of his support. Silicon Valley and Wall Street are shocked that their boy would do this to them. So are all of those regular folk in rural, red… Ok, maybe don't expect a “wave of woke” to roar across America awfully soon.   After all, the White House is fighting the return of an immigrant that they admit they kidnapped and disposed of in El Salvador. They'd rather send their own lawyer, who confessed to the crime down there, to join him. 60 Minutes found no criminal record for 75% of the Venezuelan migrants sent to El Salvador.   A guy who left Mexico at 4 years old, got married and had kids was finally caught and deported when he visited his grandfather's grave.    Who out there can save us from this horrific tragedy? Well, let me check the roster and see who's scheduled… Oh yes, it's you, right on the top of the list again.

Today let's join David Waldman in bidding adieu to yesterday's co-host Charlie Kirk. We at KITM wish him well in his future endeavors.  Greg Dworkin, who is 100% available on Blue Sky, felt possessed to post his analysis of where we are, post yesterday's events, on the execrable X... At least he didn't dock his Raft O' Stories ™ over at the Tesla dealership.  When will Democrats say or do enough to counter Donald K. Trump? Yesterday, and for more than 25 hours previously, Senator Cory Booker said and did enough. Great! OK, who's next at bat? Yesterday's elections were very special. Florida Republicans won, sure, but other than that, they can't really brag. In Wisconsin, Elon Musk had his ass handed to him, then claimed that he always wanted to look at it from that angle. Mike Johnson couldn't kill a new parents proxy voting measure, so he took his ball and went home. Donald K. Trump is furious to catch Senate Gops attempting to slip out of his Tariff Jonestown before the big event. What'll be in tonight's batch of Kool-Aid? Canadians, Mexicans and Europeans have already moved on, and Trump couldn't care less.  Abducting people to disappear and destroying government and democracy sure sounded like good ideas at the time, but... The Signal witch-hunt continues, but which witch will Trump burn? Michael Waltz used to be “Signal stupid”, but now he's “Gmail stupid”, while Pete Hegseth is a special kind of stupid, and getting more special every day.  All of Mel Gibson's flags are red, but when a Justice Department Official didn't want Mel to buy more guns, she was fired. Donald could pardon him. Donald will pardon anything.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back for yet another week of KITM! How do they do it, what is their secret? No one knows! We begin the week with the White House embroiled in scandal. Which scandal? All of them! There's SignalGate, the main culprit of which has been finally determined to be JD Vance, or the news media, or an unspecified Democrat yet to be announced. JD Vance is also guilty of blowing the art of the deal in Greenland. Like Canada, Greenland has a lot to offer in both material and strategic benefits. Just think of the partnerships, alliances, and investments Trump could have potentially made if his first negotiation tactic was ever something other than a pussygrab?  Countries who turned away their pussygrabs get tariffs this Wednesday, or at least more threats of more tariffs. Nothing makes Trump angrier than someone stealing his pickup technique. Don't knock it, the Trump pussygrab has been a success with most of the media, several law firms, and an undisclosed number of SCOTUS. Following many, yet not enough, injunctions from lower-court judges, the Supreme Court has six pending emergency applications from Trump demanding to know "So like…What are we?"   Gops warned Victoria Spartz not to have town halls, but she didn't listen, and conducted a town hall in which she wouldn't listen. For Victoria, if you have to ask for due process, you must not deserve it. Think those masked guys heading your way won't put a bag over your head? Surprise! Democrats will fix this all soon… we just need to get a little bit closer to their mid-term election fundraising drives, ok, please? In contrast, Donald K. Trump is already getting set for his 2028 election, and beyond. Wait a second, doesn't the Constitution prohibit that sort of thing? Where we're going, we don't need Constitutions. France on the other hand, takes things seriously, but their guillotine must have been on the fritz because Marine Le Pen only received 5 years off from seeking office.

It's Thursday, and David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here to say the smartest things about the dumbest stuff. The Team Trump screwups keep on screwing up. Their passwords and personal emails have now been discovered by DER SPIEGEL, which might read better in the original German. The Trump administration has created a golden age for foreign spies, which does read better in the second-hand Chinese. Mike Waltz' Venmo list contains a lot of journalists who he owes or owe him money. Foremost authority on barstools and sports, Dave Portnoy demands that heads should roll... At least one, ok? Donald K. Trump loves his staff, unless the polls convince him that they were just coffee boys. So much for JD Vance's tour ship diplomacy! No one in Greenland wants to sell him a box of donuts, let alone their finest local whale blubber, seal blubber or narwhal blubber. And JD just sold his house too! That is, his LLC released its holdings to another LLC. (Of course, Orla Joelsen's pictures of Greenland look much better on Blue Sky.) We are the bad guys now. Masked gunmen disappear people off the street, families beg for their release as the captives are used in propaganda videos. The majority of Americans believe presidents should obey the courts, but who thinks that Trump is only a president anymore? Probably a few lunatic left judges, but who cares about them?  Ah, but special elections, those could be the beginning of a blue wave, if we are allowed to have those anymore. In Florida, state Senator Randy Fine should be winning big, but might be winning small. His wife could help out by hoochie cooing like a drag queen if required.

SignalGate! David Waldman is here to explain it all, using only emojis. Greg Dworkin is here to unload his Raft of Stories, Ship of Fools, and Confederacy of Dunces. The revolution will not be televised, but KITM is here to present you with all the rest. (Do not follow Greg on anything but Blue Sky.) What did they know and when did they know it? The answer is, not much and not yet. America's allies are panicking, sure, but our enemies must be really shocked to find themselves having to rely upon these morons. The only way Gops could make it worse… is to do exactly what they are doing, not only blaming everyone but themselves, but viciously attacking them. The NSA warned that “Bin Laden determined to strike US”… and recently, "A vulnerability has been identified in the Signal Messenger Application.” The Atlantic said the chat contained classified material, the White House said Nuh-Uh!  So, The Atlantic published the messages, and it turns out that Pete Hegseth also can declassify secrets using only his mind, and a 40 of malt. All rise, the Honorable Judge James Boasberg will be presiding. This isn't even their worst foreign policy move so far… or yet. For instance, JD and Usha Vance will soon head to Greenland to be greeted as liberators. The Vances have some extra vacation cash from a lobbyist who spent what a house around my neighborhood goes for, over the asking price of their house. Big Balls provided tech support to a cybercrime ring but doesn't have half the balls Democratic House Rep. Melanie Stansbury showed yesterday. The White House budget office has decided that you don't need to know what their budget spends money on. Maybe people out there are paying attention. A Democrat wins the latest Pennsylvania special election for a district that never was Democratic, handing Dems control of the state House.

David Waldman introduces KITM listeners to the Smooth Sound of Zoom™. Greg Dworkin watches America circle the drain, while helping us locate the stopper. Donald K. Trump, modest as he is, isn't taking credit for invoking the Alien Enemies Act.  “Many do not know this, but John Adams was a president who signed things, and we have been hearing many good things about him lately.”, Donald will soon say, or he'll just say “Lil' Marco did it.”, which he already is saying. Either way Trump checks off another day of telling you and Judge James Boasberg something, which is good enough for him, probably not for Boasberg. Meanwhile, El Salvador remains Rubio's quick-stop low-cost disappearing headquarters. In comparison, the Paul, Weiss firm are Trump's dream of what a law firm should be, backing off of him, and giving him money. Paul, Weiss chair Brad Karp complains that after years of “dishing it out”, “taking it” feels surprisingly harsh, but if Brad thinks it's all behind him, he doesn't know how much is left to be inserted. Who knew that Republicans also received Social Security? DOGE is having a hard time finding any fraud there, but of course, that isn't the point. Most people would prefer that their airliner didn't crash, but here we are. Trump picks Boeing over Lockheed because they'll name their next fighter after him. Now they need to find pilots small enough for that “cockpit”. Most countries sure won't be shopping USA for weapons. Usha Vance is heading to Greenland, and already they aren't thankful.  Columbia, the gem of kowtowing universities, is sending $400 million dollars to soothe Trump's pain from a deal he blew 25 years ago.  Scott Turner follows in the footsteps of OJ Simpson and Rosie Greer as a football player hoping that 70's casting decisions work out for him. (Yes, you can follow M. Nolan Gray on Blue Sky.)

On today's KITM, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin turn it all the way up to 11… sometimes on purpose!  Great news everyone! Kamala Harris did not “lose”! Now if only our present-day vibes could just recall those “quotation marks”, this whole nation would be one big California… but without the unnecessary regulations, with more government spending… but without government overspending. No more poor, therefore no more aid… More Republicans are voicing voters' remorse… more Democrats also. Today a handful of people stand in the way of a perfect world. A French scientist was denied entry into the US for disliking the Trump administration's research policy. A Canadian actress asked too many questions at the border and was imprisoned for weeks. And over two hundred members of the MS-13 gang… oh sorry, those folks were the first Trump administration scary gang affiliated with El Salvador, the country which is now the hero of the second Trump administration… Two hundred members of the new scary gang were shipped to El Salvador, give or take an undisclosed number of just regular guys like you and me.  Who'd guess that the chief judge of the U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia, a bipartisan appointee with a three-decade career in Washington, would turn out to be a such a Radical Left Lunatic? It seems that crazy judges keep popping up, the more Trump clamps down. Soon he'll realize that they really aren't that well-armed. When DOGE took down the U.S. Institute of Peace, they had plenty of guns and badges, so they didn't need no stinking laws. After fentanyl becomes a 'Weapon of Mass Destruction”, Mexico and Canada will become Iraq.

It's all computer! It's taken a week, but David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have almost completed KITM's incomprehensibly complex and possibly hazardous transition from “Skype” over to “Zoom” voice over internet protocol telephony technologies. Without alert tones, Greg can finally enter conversations through his preferred “jump scare” technique. The constitutional crisis just over the horizon has now arrived. Officially, we are still at the “Wait, what?” stage, but this administration plans to repeat it again and louder until they are completely understood. Donald K. Trump plans to deliver dozens of RSVPs to the Supreme court, inviting them over to his side of the Rubicon. If only we could just cross into Canada and buy enough beer and donuts to fix this thing that we're going to do to them.  Seriously, if they can do it to a young, pretty, lawyered up white woman, just think of what they can do to you. Days of simple heists over, DOGE thugs screwed sharper hobnails into their jackboots in order to kick the doors in over at the U.S. Institute of Peace. Presently we are at the “he said, she said” in the case, but you know the deal with this administration and paperwork... “Trump won't win the election, he's focusing only on his base while Biden… Harris…” bla bla bla bla bla bla. “If only Democrats could capture the white uneducated” bla bla bla bla bla bla. “Now, Democrats should embrace the most effective means of targeted disinformation yet invented and….” (Yet invented, that is.) But, hey! Trump's poll numbers are sagging… not even 100 days in. (and maybe 100 days before independent polling becomes illegal) So, it just goes to show you, Chuck Schumer really has got a handle on this thing. Therefore, it is imperative that we focus upon… The JFK assassination documents have been released! Let's all go over to X.com and talk about it!

That's the last time KITM hires that local kid “Big Balls” to do IT work. Yesterday's show file wasn't recorded… which one could only wish happened to the first 15 minutes of today's show as David Waldman on-the-fly set up the KITM VoIP connection to Greg Dworkin. It's the economy, stupid, and no one could possibly handle it more stupidly than Donald K. Trump. Inflation was lower than expected in February… remember February? That was so long ago. Trump's own advisors are terrified because they see what's coming. Americans are finally getting the picture, as if that really matters. Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick hasn't yet seen the underside of the bus but can tell you that it's a wonderful place to be. Go see Crazy Don for crazy deals! Right behind the White House just off Pennsylvania Avenue! Green card holder, American spouse, kid on the way, Mahmoud Khali was disappeared after using his Constitutional rights in a politically incorrect (for March 2025) manner. Columbia, gem of private higher education, did exactly what Trump wanted, therefore their future destruction as an example will be doubly satisfying. Ohio, for one, welcomes their anti-DEI overlords to all of their 14 public universities and 23 public colleges. Georgetown University, in Washington DC, sees diversity, equity, and inclusion as part of their compliance to a higher authority… the Constitution. Greenland's election was between 6 parties, 5 who want independence from Denmark, 6 who want independence from Trump. The US closed its eyes to Ukraine intelligence, encouraging the Five Eyes intelligence alliance to become the Four Eyes intelligence group, which does sound more intelligent.  House Gops sent their unclean CR to the Senate. Let's see if Dems can keep from being weenies over there now. Walt Nauta should be in jail, so of course he's on the U.S. Navy's board of visitors. Trump communications chief McLaurine Pinover defended DOGE Layoffs while efficiently modelling cute outfits.

David Waldman serves up a lot on today's KITM, but no nothingburgers! You need to head over to Bondi's for those. Greg Dworkin tried unplugging and replugging Connecticut this morning but they're still offline up there. Place your bets right now. Will Republicans or Democrats destroy the United States first? Of course, Dems are the “good guys”, right? They stand for… uhm, their intentions are… hmm. It's just that their Ping-Pong paddles are kind of small and hard to read. Donald K. Trump demands that Al Green be forced to take an IQ test. Representative Green probably should, if he believes that any “fellow” Democrats would have joined his opposition to Trump. Do you think that they would have censured a couple hundred Democrats? I guess we'll never know, will we? As Democrats Anonymous member “Elissa” said in her rebuttal: … Well, it doesn't matter “what” she said, it's that she wouldn't say anything that consultants say she shouldn't say, which is very important when you consider “the audience” that she was speaking to, which would be other consultants. If Democrats were interested in the opinions of anyone other than Democratic consultants, Al Green would have been doing the rebuttal, or AOC, Jasmine Crockett, Eric Swalwell or a hundred or so others, give or take. Meanwhile, Trump deports Ukrainians, while looking into overthrowing their government. That seems to be a weird way to treat a loyal … Wait, we still have loyalties? Well, “yes and no”, and “yes and no”, and “yes and no”, and “yes and no”, and “yes and no”, but maybe… if you play your cards right. That is, if the courts let Trump get away with it, or if Trump can get away with it after the courts try to stop him. Or, if Mr. Musk allows him to. Senate Republicans tell Musk… push Musk to…. beg Musk to let them pretend to have a say in things. Elon is having way too much fun to share right now.

No, David Waldman did not watch the speech, or the Oscars, or the Super Bowl, all right? (The TV's been stuck on the History Channel since David lost the remote.) Greg Dworkin is still on Skype, which is now shutting down, forcing an alternative. Greg will be choosing between Zoom or his dial-up fax machine in the basement, whichever has the most pleasant ringtone. Donald K. Trump presented his State of Denial “address”… It was a “Joint Address” to the Gops who love humiliation, and the Dems, who are learning to. Of course, some Democrats boycotted, but most did not. Some had signs, most did not. Al Green stood up, and was ejected. The rest chose not to join him. Expediency seems to be the hill they have chosen to die on, and there's certainly little disarray there. With Democrats keeping a low profile until 2026 2028 2030… it once again falls upon Trump to do all the heavy lifting. The plan has always been to keep the masses just at the precipice of an uprising, but this administration might be slightly overplaying their hand. (Yes, Steve Inskeep is on Blue Sky) Trump tariffs might sink the stock market, but don't worry, rich people will still get rich even when poor people get poor. Trump's tariffs might hurt Trump voters, but Trump doesn't need them to vote for him anymore. It will take a lot more than mere poverty to ever cool their ardor, though. (Yes, Will Jordan is on Blue Sky) Anyhow, each passing moment is another opportunity to declare victory and completely reverse course, faster than a bro can change his Zyn pouch. DOGE lists 443 federal properties up for sale, because why work in a building that you own, when you can rent it? NVM... the list went away.  Trump is halting enforcement against corporate lawbreakers. Who says he doesn't have empathy for his brethren? However, the Trump Supreme Court says 5-4 that Trump has to follow contractual obligations. Is it too late for Donald to get a full refund on John Roberts?

Ok, where was I? Oh yes, I finished Friday's summary describing the time Donald K. Trump extorted Ukraine President Zelenskyy to falsely promote Russian interests. Back in those days we used to impeach Presidents for that kind of stuff. Anyhow... David Waldman is here with the KITM Oscars Analysis. He has heard some “good buzz” about this movie “Oppenheimer” that he might want to check out… No spoilers, please! Greg Dworkin is here with a big Raft O' Stories™, loaded with Plenty O' X links (I know, but the guy still uses Skype too. Some things take time to let go of.) New Yorkers knew Trump was a mob boss, now the world knows. Everybody knew this was a trap going in. SNL probably had their skit written last Thursday. It's weird, but we also all knew what the Trump & crew's reaction to the trap's gigantic failure would be also. The surprise might be in how this unified Europe against the burgeoning Axis of assholes. Pete Hegseth rotates the turrets away from Russia and levels the guns on Mexico. Which pandemic will you die from this year? When you find out, write your answer in this DOGE questionnaire. Elon Musk is pulling out of the retail market to go to where the money is: the public sector, where waste and fraud might not run rampant, but he sure can.  The good news is that the national debt and pandemic deaths will soon be set to zero with a push of a button. Trump named the cryptocurrencies in the strategic reserve, naturally he named them to his friends first. (Follow The Stalwart on Blue Sky.) If Trump could laugh, he'd cackle with glee as he suspended the security clearances of Jack Smith's lawyers and demoted prosecutors down to trying CVS shoplifters. Judge Chuang can't stop the DOJ from beating the USAID because they're already dead. Of course, the children they were feeding will soon be literally dead. Low-income Trump voters sure hope they don't find out. They can't afford to find out much more. Car prices are going up by what a car used to be priced at.  Even Elon Musk and his mother are crashing at a bud's house until this blows over. Kash Patel doesn't want to flash the Kash Patelmobile around DC and plans to stay in Las Vegas at the pleasure of his megadonor daddy. Democrats understand what to do with a crime in progress… Talk. And, if the crime progresses, talk louder… or perhaps, change the subject, or hold on a while, or wait. Or try all of those in combination, that should do it. If all that can't stop it, NOTHING can… and they'll be up for trying that too.

David Waldman gives us a few more things to think about, laugh about, get kind of grumpy about, on today's KITM. Guess what? Dr. Greg Dworkin says America's got a fever! And the only prescription... is more F-bombs! Covid “alarmists” were closer to the truth than anyone else. (IMO, “alarmist” has been pretty much the way to go for around a decade.) DOGE douches unplugged our healthcare ventilator and were surprised after the heart wouldn't reboot. Oops! Ebola prevention was shut off… There! Fixed, good as new… They weren't in America, anyhow. Speaking of Americans, Billions in professional services contracts in Veterans Affairs were to be cut for… whatever. Then someone checked into it and discovered that they were doing some really important stuff there. Who'd guess that so many consequential things would be actually happening? Elon will have to check in with “DataRepublican”, the new Q of MAGA, more often.  Whatever your problem is, Elon Musk has got just the thing to fix it. DOGE noticed that the FAA misspelled “Verizon” on their contracts and helpfully corrected it to “Starlink”. You'd be amazed at how many uses Starlink can fulfill.  And best for Elon, they each can be turned off at any time, no problem! Even so, for some reason, many in Washington feel pwnd by Musk, as do a lot of others. Speaking of trolls, who are also rapists, human traffickers and child pornographers, Andrew Tate and his brother are arriving in the US, and will probably be Medal of Honor recipients by mid-March. Election denier, rabid insurrectionist toady Paul Ingrassia is now Trump's guy at Homeland Security. Tariffs on Mexico and Canada will go into effect March 4 as scheduled because Donald K. Trump isn't becoming re-glued and re-hinged anytime soon. As this our Axis forms, is it patrimonialism supported by anarcholibertarian capitalists or just morons in the moment?

This weekend KITM Headquarters sent David Waldman and Greg Dworkin an email directing them to list five ways that they contribute to the civil discourse. These overachievers came up with something like two hours' worth! Gop town halls are experiencing F5 blowback from constituents, but it's a gentle breeze compared to what they're expecting to be hit with soon. This is the kind of thing local news loves to cover, and local protesters love to attend. People in power may want to hide, but for people who want to be in power, town halls are the place to be seen. Suddenly, no one wants to take credit for their thugs. Never Trump Republicans are divided on a host of issues but know how to get in front of a camera. They are enough of a threat to this administration to earn immediate attention from the Brown Shirts. On the other hand, Democrats are unifying behind nearby hedges to work on their guacamole bar charts, as their “Hope” poster mostly refers to the Second Law of Thermodynamics. Ok, there is Senator Chris Murphy. Other than that, Donald K. Trump's worst enemy is himself, and he's doing a simply incredible job. He and Elon, of course. The only people they hate more than themselves are all the other people. With Dan Bongino and Pete Hegseth FA, there won't be any left to FO. We are, as usual, heading towards a government shutdown. Gops would like to blame Dems, if it wasn't for all of the government that they've been shutting down recently. As for the states, Trump picked and lost a fight with the Maine Governor, but hating Trump is completely bipartisan. The Times asks if had Ukraine not dressed so provocatively, would Vlad and Donald not be behaving the way they are? Germany has swung to the right in the latest elections but is also not swinging towards the United States.

Greg Dworkin walks us through some familiar and relevant Watergate history, beginning with the saga of John Mitchell, which serves as necessary background to today's corruption, only part of which manifests itself in the form of Eric Adams' corruption. Another fun development on this front: a NY Bar Association complaint against Count Boveula. Of course, there are a million other angles on Trump's corruption, like this one out of left field, on NYC congestion pricing. The Adams story is just today's appetizer. And that's just the domestic model. Looking abroad, we find other worrisome precedent—and the potential for new disasters—in Germany. And, of course, the potential for compounding old disasters, as in Ukraine. Checking back in on the growing library of Trump “administration” attorney conflicts of interest, Walt Nauta's lawyer just remembered he's in government now, and resigned his case. Another story we had to check back in on: Trump's targeting of the Merit Service Protection Board. While we were waiting around for a new show, a federal judge reversed MSPB Chair Cathy Harris' purported dismissal. And that other growing library, the list of federal agencies infiltrated by the DOGE Teen Hunger Force has also expanded. This time, it's just the Cybersecurity & Infrastructure Security Agency (CISA). No big whoop. Just in case you'd forgotten how they get everyone to lie down for them, though, the answer is just what you thought it was: death threats.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin return in a Tuesday KITM that feels like a Monday KITM but is more like a Friday KITM that feels like a Thursday KITM. You will understand once you hear the Wednesday KITM. A Delta airliner landed on its roof in Minneapolis yesterday. Is that how they are supposed to land? It doesn't seem so… unfortunately the people in charge of that at the FAA don't work there anymore. OSHA also eliminated safety guidelines warning of a diversity of dangers. Thousands of government employees have been fired because of performance, though “good” or “bad” performance has not been specified. Next up, the Social Security Administration, because there is no “yours” or “their” money, it's “woke” or “based” money. MAGA is finding out that Musk just doesn't think they are that cool. One thing's for certain; you can't blame Trump or Musk for this, because “Trump” and “Musk” and “DOGE” and the “Gulf of America” are just words in some mass hallucination that you have chosen to believe. Pick the red or blue pill and… never mind, SCOTUS will pick one out for you. Did “they” flood Kentucky to steal Fort Knox from Elon? Sure, why not? Gops only care about the rules if that helps them break the rules. “But! Those rules are the rules!” the Dems cry out, as sparks shoot out of their ears, and they collapse en masse to the ground. New York City Comptroller Brad Lander has found a set of rules to try after four of the City's Deputy Mayors resigned rather than break their rules. Governor Katy Hochul has now found herself in the uncomfortable position of having to do a thing or at least having a conversation about doing a thing. Of course, no one actually “told” anyone to dismiss Eric Adam's prosecution… especially not attorney Alex Spiro.

David Waldman delivers the first KITM following the declaration of the historic Luigi Doctrine this weekend. Dems in exile plot their counterattack to be waged once they find the Elmer's to glue together their big piece of posterboard onto that easel that goes behind their outraged speeches. Greg Dworkin is out fighting weather not fit for man nor beast. Greg's not presumed lost; in fact, we presume he might turn up tomorrow. Elon Musk is sucking America dry.  Anyone willing to reciprocate will be rewarded. Supergenius Elon knows when you are laughing “with” him and when you aren't. Elon's son, WD-40, will tell him as he already has more accounting experience and common sense than all DOGErs combined. OSHA guidelines are banned from warning about a diversity of dangers. Hundreds of officials hired to keep nukes from going nuclear are fired, maybe, then rehired, maybe. Maybe they aren't really fired, they just won't be paid, or maybe they'll be arrested today, who knows? If employees were involved with DEI, attended mandatory DEI meetings, had grandparents who were DEI lovers, or have even a drop of DEI blood, they better watch their backs.

the weekend yesterday…David was just checking to see if you had a calendar! Remember, always ask to see the paperwork! Because today is not Saturday, Greg Dworkin showed up to review the breathtaking amount of FA occurring, with the inevitable FO upcoming. Just because Trump “can't” impound doesn't mean he can't “impound” … or maybe he can't! That right wing circle jerk might have got the water hose after all. (Follow Aaron Fritschner on Blue Sky, damn it) Senator Lisa Blunt Rochester pointed to the overstep, withholding her vote on Sean Duffy. (Who made it, anyhow.) The president is now offering a buyout for federal employees to not come in to work, that is “President Musk”, now tired of impersonating a video gamer and various others is trying the same trick on all federal employees. This might be Elon's most based troll yet! Meanwhile the purge continues. The DOJ fires career lawyers. The DOD fires career soldiers. Even 4-star General Mark Miley needs to watch his step around 5th story windows.

It's Infrastructure Week! The second week of razing civilization while laying a foundation of chaos, disinformation, and fear. I guess our job, with the help of David Waldman and Greg Dworkin, is to chip some away as Gops and MAGAs lay it down. Tariffs are a bad idea. Does anyone know why… Anyone? Well, everyone knows, but threatening tariffs gets airplay. So does loading up a military plane with shackled immigrants.  If the news plays them both as clips hundreds of times each day it will shortly begin to feel like a success, which is as good as anything real for these folks. Colombia, the Gem of South America, threatened Jr.'s upcoming shipment of uncut… no wait, cut flowers over tariffs threatened upon them by Trump when they complained of mistreatment in Trump's photo op deportations. Trump sees a tremendous, beautiful future for Gaza once those savage Gazans are cleared out. Of course, they can come back once their housing is built featuring world-class amenities and fine dining. Denmark was last week's Colombia, but they've notified Trump that he'll have to come through the United Kingdom to get to them. Information wants to be free, which might be why we are having trouble getting our $KAGRO memecoin off the ground. Nonetheless, plenty of millionaires have somehow become billionaires clamping down on information over the years. China has just ruined the party with an open-source AI turd in the punchbowl. Meanwhile, Sweden has decided that Russia doesn't want any information to be free to travel under the ocean off their shores. All of this should be cleared up in Trump's third term, promises Tennessee fraudster congressman Andy Ogles. That sounds a little less funny to Ohioans who remember Governor Jim Rhoades, a monster that Donald would be expected to emulate.

David Waldman answers the pressing questions of today, accompanied in close harmony by Greg Dworkin. It sure is a great time to be a jackbooted thug in America. Soon there will be more prison camps than Super 8s. Experts warn that deportations threaten the US food supply. Farmers say that too. MAGA farmers could have sworn that Trump was only talking about the more “metropolitan” immigrants, but it turns out that this administration's plans are a bit more ambitious. In anticipation of the future high demand for thugs, the President tapped his strategic Jan. 6 reserve, releasing 1,500 back into the wild in hopes that they multiply. Non-thug Americans disprove of this, especially those who met any of them. Gops promise to restock the prisons as soon as possible.  Ein Hitlergruß ist ein Hitlergruß ist ein Hitlergruß, but as you'd expect, saying that in English in American media is positively verboten. “Will no one rid me of this meddlesome Bishop Budde?” pled Trump II to his subjects recently. Trump is probably at the peak of his popularity, thus the peak of his power, probably, maybe. Tech Broligarchs dream like no bro has dreamt before, of a radical future utopia where they can raise themselves high above those less forward thinkers, bringing along their portly merchants, muscular warriors… but no DEI hires!

David Waldman retains his faith in democracy and the rule of law, otherwise what would we talk about in a couple of weeks? Greg Dworkin declares this the year of FAFO. There is plenty of FA for sure as the Felon Authoritarian President gets his treason party started. Out goes anything that Biden ordered with “equity”, “lawful”, “ethics”, “civil”, “sustainable”, “inclusion”, “access”, “opportunity”, “affordable” or “trustworthy” in the title… make that anything Lyndon Johnson ordered as well, if he meant that a minority should get anything. Jackboots are now approved to kick down church and school doors. Treaties are for lighting cigars only. And if there's anyone left not screwed over… screw them too! What about the FO part? That might take some time, at least more than three days. Republicans oppose pardons for violent January 6 convicts? Oh well! Why didn't they say something earlier? Probably because they didn't know, didn't want to know, no one was about to tell them, and anyone who tries will be punished. The ones who have FO however, aren't FA anymore. Gops are so busy knowing nothing that they can't pull their Reich together. Trump just knows that Gaza will be such a beautiful place once they sweep all the dead Gazans up. Meanwhile, Elmo put his right hand in, he put his right hand out, Musk did the Honky Pokey but only Nazis want to dance with him anymore. Bros hoping to cyber up their own private Pinochet Medieval Fair stocked with hot twerking Ayn Rands are sad that the NPCs consider them “weird”.

RIP, Charles “Big Chuck” Schodowski. Man, that's the end of an era that no one will ever recapture. You won't see times like that again, guaranteed. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here to interrupt each other and some of our doomthinking for a couple of hours. The thumb-in-the-eye president is back to stick his thumb in more eyes.  Voters with problems know someone else is to blame and have reelected history's greatest blame-shifter to blame those who aren't them. Sure, he'll be Lovecraftianly horrific otherwise, but on that one skill he is a virtuoso. All the rest are lies of course but lies that feel so good people will pay billions to hear them. Your goldbug friends who wanted a return to the gold standard are now going crypto which is stable somewhere between zero and infinity. A one-world coinage sounds just fine to them. Welcome to today's new gilded age, with sadly no Titanic yet spotted on the horizon. A couple of bros wanted to buy Greenland for incels and stock it with females. Donald wants a piece of that too. Rudy Giuliani doesn't have that pay to play anymore. Trump's DC hotel might reopen as the world's premiere graft speakeasy, but this time Elon's opening his international whorehouse of payola right up the street. The inaugural ass kiss lip balm concession sold out today around one o'clock. Israel trusted Bibi Netanyahu to lie to them, but some are concerned that he might have begun telling the truth lately. And, it is still Martin Luther King Jr. Day, this year.

Joe Biden has said farewell, but I guess David Waldman, Greg Dworkin and the rest of us will stick around out of some sort of morbid curiosity. Joe took the opportunity to warn us about what Ike warned us about, and look at how well we headed that warning. Biden also sounded the alarm on the threat of oligarchy. Of course, he probably should have added the threat of illiteracy. Oligarchies suck, but apparently not if they are run by a bro. Not as many people see Joe Biden as a bro as they used to. Definitely not as many bros as who see Trump as a bro.  For instance, Trump said that if Israel and Hamas didn't quit fighting, he'd go over there and kick somebody's ass. Worked like a charm. Middle East peace is locked in for the next thousand years or more, unless somebody screws up. If California doesn't shape up, Jim Jordan will take their 2028 Olympics and give it to Cleveland. Elon Musk used his chic oligarchic charm to free an Italian from Iranians. Meanwhile, in the Gop it isn't possible to be too dumb or drunk, but it is possible to be too macho if it shrivels the machismo of the incoming boss.

As the news desert encroaches, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin continue to serve us tasty news dessert: Pete Hegseth is on his way to be the first DEI Miltary hire of the upcoming administration. It is hard to deny Hegseth's qualifications as an authentic bona fide POS. Experience or ability would obviously distract from Pete's purity of purpose, yet being a born-again evangelical elevates Hegseth to sacrosanct untouchability. Hegseth will be the first thumb-in-the-eye member of the thumb-in-the-eye administration of the Thumb-In-The-Eye President. Greenland is thinking about rejoining the EU and should probably also make sure their NATO paperwork is up to date. Denmark wants to talk on the down low, but Trump always tells, and if he hasn't got anything to say will make it up anyhow. Sure, people have given Trump half a billion dollars for his inauguration… but what have they done for him lately? This term Trump wants no responsibility, no blame, but especially no debt. 23 thousand acres in ashes might be considered pretty bad optics for Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass, especially when she wasn't in really great shape to begin with. One thing's for certain, none of this would have happened on Honorary Mayor Bob Saget's watch! Meanwhile, in South Korea, in the course of a few months the President fomented insurrection, declared martial law, was impeached, and is now arrested, because that country has a functioning justice system.

While others shout into the void, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin stare into the abyss, weekdays on KITM: The inferno continues around Los Angeles, urged on by the red wind. California is finding out who their friends are, and who isn't. Some will learn something, some won't. Insurance companies are having to scrape money together to buy insurance for themselves. We dive into our own metaphorical conflagration next week. President Joe Biden rides off into the sunset, although Joe might not have let the sun set so far before he started riding. The guy taking over has no beliefs, no principles, no shame and no problem. Welcome back to the art of the deal. Jack Smith is also out of here. Aileen Cannon makes another big move to clinch this season of The Presidential Apprentice. DOGE is vaporware, but that doesn't mean that Elon won't get some fun trolling out of it. Would a blackout drunk rapist still be a hiring risk as long as he was a good Christian nationalist? That is the question hoped to be answered in soon upcoming cabinet nominee hearings. Senator Katie Britt doesn't have that answer but can describe in detail how useless corporate news has become.

Yet again, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bring their usual camaraderie and repartee to today's KITM. That kind of stuff is hard to fake! Today is a good day to ask ourselves, WWJCD? Probably not a single thing that will ever happen now. For people who don't like being called Hitler, MAGAs sure are into annexation lately. Greenland, Canada, Mexico and Panama have been asking for it lately, showing off their ample mineral assets, letting just anyone into their trade routes. How can they not expect to get grabbed by the canal? What does Trump get out of empty threats? The satisfaction of watching people flinch. Wildfires like hot air, so Trump is focusing his degradation and intimidation on the victims instead. California will of course have to shut off the windmills, those things just blow the fire around. Remember your shock when the Trump Supreme Court handed down its decision on Presidential immunity? Well, I hope you're sitting down when you find out what Trump and Alito are cooking up this time. Meanwhile, Elon Musk, whose sole joy in life is stirring up shit, found some in the UK in the personage of lifelong POS Tommy Robinson. In election news, Virginia's Abigail Spanberger goes right down the middle to find a one-point lead over the local extremist, while Lebanon's Joseph Aoun becomes the fifth army commander to be elected as president in multi-Islamic Lebanon, taking over the job held previously for two years by an empty chair.

He's back! Greg Dworkin has been MIA at KITM since sometime last year and had been absent half of 2025 before ringy-dingying back in like nothing ever happened. (Actually, he acted like a lot happened and was keen to tell David Waldman and us all about it.) Facts are still coming in on the New Orleans truck attack, but who needs any more facts once the perp's complexion has been verified? And then, his mom named him Shamsud-Din Jabbar! Jabbar might have acted alone, been in the military, been born in the United States, but oh that name… Fox News will tell you that just has to be illegal. Trump is ready to make Tijuana the next Bagdad over all this. Then another military man took another rental EV truck and… Wait, he's a white guy named Matt? That's confusing! Well, self-immolation in a pickup full of firecrackers does seem uniquely American, and it was a Tesla so (Deleted by request of the KITM Legal Department) Then there's 150 pipe bombs found in a Virginia man's home, but his name's Brad, and he's the goodest of good ol' boys, never meaning no harm, just target practicing on Joe Biden cutouts. Expect a bit more empathy for this one… those pipe bombs were probably for pesky little beavers. Americans haven't been this united since the Civil War in their shared belief of the lack of institutional resources to handle the other folks, although half of us expect that the guy they elected is all the resource they will ever need. Kek-ek-ek-ek-ek! Gluteus Maximus has changed his name to Kekius. Other than the direct fascist, alt-right and Nazi references, what could Elon Musk mean? Elon's humor, like his political stances, is just so enigmatic! Isn't it so weird how the world's richest incel gamerboi became a supervillain? Vivek Ramaswamy has become Elon's OddJob. If only we had Jimmy Carter to get rid of these parasites.

Political chaos meets holiday chaos this week. We will have Christmas Eve, then Christmas, and Hanukkah, then Boxing Day with David Waldman battling contender Jake or maybe Ron Paul, then Friday… and that's almost the weekend! So who knows what could happen?   Our transcendent question this week: Which Superman is the greatest?  It is, of course, Kirk Alyn, obviously. However, it seems  that 30 million nerd-ragers beg to differ. Nothing drives engagement better than an argument, therefore it was inevitable that the solution and cause of all of our future problems, Artificial Intelligence, would soon be dispatched in the form of “argue-bots”. Now all we need are infinite AI “defend-my-argument-bots” launched against those, and social media should be sucked up its own singularity. Human argue-bot Trump would start a fight with a pile of rocks if he could. If we hadn't elected him F'n President he would have filled his day with Gunn vs. Snyder arguments. Now he's content with threatening to annex Canada, Greenland, and Panama. (It seems that Poland and Crimea have been taken.)  President Joe Biden commuted 37 death sentences that Donald had looked forward to… Oh well, plenty more where they came from. The faster Trump can be Stalin, the happier Curtis Yarvin and his many followers in the upcoming  administration  will be. The House Ethics report on Matt Gaetz is out, and other than the statutory rape, payments to prostitutes and illegal drug use Matt seems like a smart choice for Attorney General. Expect Matt to issue a rebuttal on Cameo soon. Justice Clarence Thomas did fail to disclose a lot of stuff, and will fail to disclose much more, but has been recently caught on a few new ones. Honsan? Hissan? Nissanonda? Nissan and Honda are a couple now. Our lone point of stability, Greg Dworkin did show up, at least for today, with news of the DNC Chair election, which promises to be the beginning of our refuge from chaos.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin help us face the challenges of our rapidly changing world through the power of cheery repartee. Following his election win by 98 points or so, has D embarked upon a retribution tour or an authoritarian spree? Well, it turns out that retribution is only one of the many perks of authoritarianism.  Trump is now suing retired pollster Ann Selzer because she got on his bad side, but also because it's fun. Liz Cheney actually made him really mad, so she is in for far more than a little civil suit. As always, we can be thankful for Republican incompetence and rats-in-a-cage instincts. Congress has struck a deal to avert government shutdown, while Trump allies are busy trying to doge the deal. If they want a circular firing squad, the least Dems could do is offer to help pass the ammunition. (Follow Matt Glassman on Blue Sky.) Victoria Spartz, Queen of Chaos, hopes to be the Joe Manchin this time even as John Fetterman gives her a run for the title. Good news: France has passed its stopgap budget bill! Now they can pay the guy who lifts the flag in Syria. (Follow Charles Lister on Threads.) German Chancellor Olaf Scholz has lost a vote of confidence in the German parliament. Not so good news for Olaf, but also pretty bad for Germany and the rest of the free world. Finger pointers in Germany run the risk of running out of fingers. If members of the traffic light coalition can get along, maybe we all can. You'd think that hunters firing up into the sky would be aiming at drones but no, they were hunting flying bears. It didn't turn out well for any of the participants.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin figure out the latest news, opinions, and where to scrape up the $1 million for that check that we need to send out at the end of the month. Hamas admits that their decision to attack a gathering of left-wing Israelis on October 7 couldn't have turned out worse if Bibi came up with the idea himself. President Joe Biden takes credit for Bashar al-Assad's sudden Russian vacation and might even bomb a few ISIS on his way out. Remember Joe Biden? Remember the Democrats? Whatever happened to those guys? They spent $5 billion in ads to get people interested in honest government when it seems that people just want to see results, whether or not the results are honest, or advantageous. Dems just forgot to cater to the simple, stupid. Therefore, expect a lot of “why don't cha” legislation, like getting rid of making people set their clocks ever again. Smart fascists microtarget their masses these days to save cash. All of this running around looking busy, still takes money however, and they'll be running out of that this week. France's Macron as well is being forced to do the big things over the little things as incrementalism is tossed out around the globe. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wants to lead the House Oversight Committee but will have to go through Nancy Pelosi to get it. Meanwhile, Tiffany Trump's baby daddy daddy works for his own father-in-law at a company turning a mid 5 figure profit, so he'll be making a big move up if he can hang out with Jared Kushner and learn a thing or two.  Trump advisor Alex Bruesewitz, the guy who started the whole "Haitians are eating pets" thing, must have picked the wrong entree at the Young Republicans Gala, passing out on stage. Trump called in to assure Alex, “Izzim a good boy? Yes! Alex izza good boy!” (Their catering choice could have been worse.)

David Waldman knows what tomorrow's pre-recorded KITM is about but isn't telling.  He trusts Greg Dworkin to keep mum, but didn't tell me because everyone knows I'd just blab it all to you… like this: Luigi Mangione was not selected as Time “Person of the Year”.  Luigi might not get another chance as why have another “Person of the Year” after this one? Why have another “year” after this one? Dictator cosplay is just like real as long as enough people believe. In fact, that is how all dictatorships work. (Follow Ben Wikler on Threads.) Trump appointed Governor-Senator Kari Lake as director of Voice of America. Well, he can't do that, but he did. Not enough people clapped to keep South Korean President Yoon Suk Yeol aloft. Opposition parties will just keep impeaching him until it sticks. Yoon caught social media brain rot, a disease plaguing the entire world. Still-President Joe Biden commuted 1,500 sentences and issued 39 pardons yesterday. KITM staff aren't included, but still hopeful. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is poised to become the top Democrat on the House Oversight Committee. Ideology might not drive money, but it is best if it doesn't turn it down. The North Carolina Gop traded hurricane relief for Democratic power… and MTG thought Dems created hurricanes! In Washington, Gops want two reconciliation bills, prosperity for things they like, austerity for things they don't. Bulletin: Nighttime invaders have been sighted in the skies over Grovers Mill, New Jersey.  Reports indicate that Homeland Security has become involved as a State Senator calls for a state of emergency. More reporting as this story develops. The majority of Brexit voters are getting tired of the “Brexit” part of that Brexit thing that they voted for. "Catherine's Learning Barn” is in remembrance of Sandy Hook school victims, and a celebration of their ideals.

Ah, the dawn of a bright new beautiful Monday! Well, somewhere, I guess. How about we take David Waldman and Greg Dworkin and check out some other countries for a while, for a breather? Ordinarily, we would not be looking to the Middle East for inspiration, but suddenly Syria is standing for freedom. You'd hardly know about it from the American mainstream media… you'd hardly know anything from them… but there's plenty of other sources to discover at Blue Sky, Threads, and you know… others. At exTwitter, there's Tammam Aloudat's positive assessment. There's Alex Simon's appraisal of the Syrian prison “system”. Threads has Charles Lister with the international repercussions emanating from Syria's takeover by rebel forces. Blue Sky has more than just savvy individuals as well, it has an excellent news search. Then there's Romania. Romania, Romania, rhymes with Albania, which makes it easy to remember their tasty food, bawdy cooks, NOT chrome, and now election integrity, following a presidential vote recount after discovering Russian interference. Ok, that's the good news. Here are the takeaways from D's Meet the Press interview, which unfortunately did not conclude with him being taken away. The kakistocracy has already filled the bowl up to the seat but isn't close to stopping. The world's most powerful traffic court lawyer, Alina Habba raises the number of blond leggy presidential advisors to “Austin Powers” levels. Journalist David Corn moves up a dozen slots on the administration shitlist with his history of Kash Patel, future director of the US Staatssicherheit.

Is this nation on the wrong track? David Waldman and Greg Dworkin discuss all the ways we have derailed. except for any new wreckage this afternoon, which we'll get to tomorrow. Whatever you have on your Dems failure bingo card, you can't count Silicon Valley. The made billions off of Democrats, now they are making billions off of Republicans. America has always been at war with Eastasia, Canada. America has always been at war with Eurasia, Mexico. They are our greatest allies, except that we are at war with them. Sacrifices need to be made in these times of war. Manhattan 5th floor windows are locked shut at this time of year. UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson was shot dead on 6th Avenue. Presidential Apprentice has been rebooted due to a slight popular demand, and as sequels tend to go, it promises to be much more and much worse. The Biden White House had zero exciting indictments, convictions, or even rapists, as if it was American Idol hosted by Ted Lasso. This time, contestants exit in shame when they're deemed not vile enough to compete. Right now, the season is Kash Patel's to lose. Kash will trim the FBI down to Scully and Mulder and assign them to a full-time investigation of the incoming secretary of defense Tater Tot Ron Desantis crime family. Ron is replacing nominee Pete Hegseth, who has been implicated in a sex scandal with almost every woman in America. South Korean President Yoon Suk Yeol imposed martial law. Before morning, the South Korean State Council lifted the order. Go to bed South Korea, you're drunk! They'll probably impeach him by afternoon, as they are a lot more efficient over there. And in Syria they recross the killing fields that they have crossed many times before.

David Waldman returns from the long… well, normal, weekend… wishing that he hadn't let those other two days slip by without a KITM.  Everyone will just need to listen twice as hard to help catch up. Yesterday, Joe Biden blew his reelection chances for 2028, pardoning his son Hunter Biden, which is the kind of outrageous thing his predecessor would have done, and that his successor will do. In fact, Joe's successor is kind of mad he didn't get to miscarriage that justice some first. Some of D's previous pardons were so tremendous, he might need to do them a few more times. You can bet that he'll pardon just about any recidivist he can find this time around. Meanwhile, a few generations of Dems have discovered that going high has actually been leading with their chin.  Joe needs to issue a few thousand more pardons before he goes out, and Kash Patel and his next twelve recess-appointed successors come in. Or perhaps Kash will be recess-appointed twelve times; it might take him a while to rout the Deep State. Greg Dworkin's Handbasket of Hellish Cabinet Choices overflows with Pete Hegseth, established expert in financial mismanagement, sexual impropriety, and personal misconduct. A disappointment and embarrassment to his mother, he probably makes his grandma sick. Elon Musk's AI turns on him, but why not one of his cars, maybe a robot or a missile or two? At least Bernie still likes him. Anti-Affordable Care Act provisions protecting rights to health care choices are now protecting abortion rights. Thanks Obama! Small subgroups of the population seem much larger to many Americans than they really are. (Not me. I'm snugly embubbled between the two largest concentrations of “subgroups” in Ohio.) Oh man, right when the Middle East was completely stabilized, something new goes haywire. Rebels have attacked Aleppo in Syria, which is Trump's fault probably. Saudi Arabia now pivots… to Saudi Arabia.