Podcast appearances and mentions of lauren fogel mersy

This audio is the guided pleasure-mapping audio.Some guidelines to follow for pleasure mapping: Before starting the practice, find a private and comfortable environment. You can do this in the bath, shower, or lying in bed. Minimize distractions as much as possible – silence the phone, lock the door, etc.You can be fully or partially unclothed, whatever feels comfortable to you. As you continue to get more comfortable with the exercise, you can take it further than what's in the guided audio and expand to using body oil, lotion, lube, or other textures.Your eyes may be open or closed, whichever allows you to best focus on sensation. The focus of this exercise is not arousal or orgasm specifically (although that is welcome), but rather just to pay attention to pleasurable sensation and explore that.This is just information gathering. Your mind will likely wander during the exercise or judge your experience. That's normal. When that happens, refocus on the physical sensation and breathe. Slow down.Just get curious about what feels good. When you're ready, start the activity.Activity To Do: Pleasure Mapping SessionListen and follow along with the guided pleasure mapping audio included in this moduleWrite in your journal the answers to these questions:     - What part of your body was most pleasurable to touch?    - What type of touch felt best?    - What positive emotions came up? What negative emotions? Are these associated with a particular part of your body?    - Did you notice any automatic thoughts arise during the exercise? What were they? Were they connected to a particular area of your body? Credit for basis of this activity: Desire by Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy et. al. Support the show

In this episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love, Dr. Joe Kort interviews Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, and Dr. Jennifer Vencill dive into the complexities of sexual desire discrepancies between partners. They discuss the differences between libido, sexual desire, and sex drive, emphasizing that sexual desire discrepancies are common and should be normalized rather than pathologized. The episode highlights two types of libido: spontaneous and responsive, and how cultural narratives often misrepresent sexual experiences. The experts provide insights on how partners can navigate these discrepancies, focusing on communication, understanding individual motivations, and exploring pleasure beyond traditional scripts. Listeners are encouraged to embrace diverse sexual experiences and to seek resources that reflect their unique situations. The episode aims to educate and empower individuals and couples to foster healthier sexual relationships.

Jennifer Vencill and Lauren Fogel Mersy join Natasha on this episode of the Natasha Helfer Podcast. They wrote a book, "Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships". "A radically inclusive, sex-positive guide to managing the inevitable libido differences in our relationships, authored by two certified sex therapists who are passionate about good sex 2024 Distinguished Book Award Winner, selected by the American Psychological Association's Division 44" You can find the book anywhere that books are sold including on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Desire-Inclusive-Navigating-Differences-Relationships-ebook/dp/B0BN5RZBRC?ref_=ast_author_mpb   To help keep this podcast going, please consider donating at natashahelfer.com and share this episode. To watch the video of this podcast, you can subscribe to Natasha's channel on Youtube and follow her professional Facebook page at natashahelfer LCMFT, CST-S. You can find all her cool resources at natashahelfer.com.  The information shared on this program is informational and should not be considered therapy. This podcast addresses many topics around mental health and sexuality and may not be suitable for minors. Some topics may elicit a trigger or emotional response so please care for yourself accordingly. The views, thoughts and opinions expressed by our guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views or feelings of Natasha Helfer or the Natasha Helfer Podcast. We provide a platform for open and diverse discussions, and it is important to recognize that different perspectives may be shared. We encourage our listeners to engage in critical thinking and form their own opinions. The intro and outro music for these episodes is by Otter Creek. Thank you for listening. And remember: Symmetry is now offering Ketamine services. To find out more, go to symcounseling.com/ketamine-services.  

As an older adult, if your doctor is not comfortable asking about your sexual health but you've got questions, this episode is just what you need. Our guest this time is Dr. Jennifer Vencill, an assistant professor, board certified clinical health psychologist, and AASECT certified sex therapist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. She is passionate about answering patient questions and teaching her colleagues. She is dually appointed in the Department of Psychiatry and Psychology, as well as the Division of General Internal Medicine, where she spends the bulk of her time providing integrated sexual health care and educating fellows, residents, and medical students about the importance of sexual and gender health. Dr. Vencill's research focuses on sexual health, health disparities and minority stress in marginalized sexual and gender communities, and mixed orientation relationships. She sits on the editorial board of The International Journal of Sexual Health and Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity and is a past president of the Society for the Psychology of Women's Section on Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender Concerns. Dr. Vencill received her PhD in Counseling Psychology from Texas Tech University and completed her postdoctoral training as the first Michael E. Metz fellow in Sexual Health at the University of Minnesota Medical School's Institute for Sexual and Gender Health. Along with her co-author, Lauren Fogel Mersy, Dr. Vencill is co-author of the new book, Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships. You can reach her at the Mayo Clinic or on Instagram. If you want to catch up on other shows, just visit our website and please subscribe! We love our listeners and welcome your feedback, so if you love Our Better Half, please give us a 5-star rating and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. It really helps support our show! As always, thanks for listening!

In this episode, Whitni interviews Dr. Vencill & Dr Lauren Fogel Mersey diving deeply into desire discrepancies & pulling on pieces from their phenomenal book, Desire: An inclusive guide to navigating libido differences in relationships. You can reach out to Whitni through her website bde-moves.com where you can book a call, grab her socials, & so much more. Below please read about each of the authors more specifically: Dr. Vencill (she/her) is an assistant professor, board certified clinical health psychologist, and AASECT-certified sex therapist at the Mayo Clinic, where she spends the bulk of her time providing integrated sexual health care in the Menopause and Women's Sexual Health Clinic. She also works closely with Mayo's Transgender and Intersex Specialty Care Clinic and the Men's Sexual Health team in Urology. Dr. Vencill is a consulting editor for the International Journal of Sexual Health and recently co-authored the new book, Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships. She can be found on: Instagram @drjennifervencill Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy (she/her) is a licensed psychologist and an AASECT certified sex therapist. She received her doctorate in clinical psychology and completed her postdoctoral training at the University of Minnesota's Institute for Sexual and Gender Health. She has advanced training in Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy and Gottman Method Couple Therapy. She specializes in sexual health and relationships and owns her own private practice in Minnesota. She is the co-author of the book, Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships. She can be found on: www.drlaurenfogel.com Facebook @drlaurenfogelmersy Instagram @drlaurenfogelmersy TikTok @drlaurenfogelmersy

Today's conversation is a thoughtful and informative conversation with Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy and it surrounds intimacy.  Dr. Mersy is a psychologist and a sex therapist.  We talk about what intimacy really means and how we deal with that in the world of infertility. I first had this thought when Monica of waitingforbabywunder posted about how no one talks about what infertility does to intimacy and your sex drive.  I thought what a great way to discuss this than with a sex therapist.   So, if you've been struggling with intimacy and your deep in infertility, know that you're not alone and know that there are different definitions of intimacy and ways we can deal with some of these struggles.   Thank you Dr. Mersy for joining us and for sharing your expertise.  As always, please share with people who may find value in our conversations and if the mood strikes you, please feel free to donate to the podcast or leave a review, so we can get more listeners to hear these stories and resources.  I will have a link in the show notes along with the books that we discuss on this episode.  They'll be linked in my Amazon shop.  Your purchase with that link helps me offset the costs of running the podcast, so I would be so grateful if you opted to buy any of the books we discuss on the show, if you could please use the link.  Thank you to everyone who is a part of the 40 and Infertile community!  I am so grateful for all of you and I hope to continue bringing you more content that helps you on your quest to parenthood.   —---------------------- To round out your IVF survival guide, I would recommend the following episodes before your first IVF cycle: Episode 23:  What Happens to Your Fertility in your 20s, 30s, and 40s Episode 19:  All About Sperm Episode 24:  Controlling Your Weigh During IVF Episode 20:  Stimulation Protocols Episode 21:  All About Your Embryos in the lab Episode 33:  All About Genetic Testing Episode 38:  The Emotions of Infertility and How to Manage These Feelings ---------------------- Episodes about the Emotional Aspects of Infertility: Episode 12: WARRIOR STORY - The Infertility Journey of LuckyBabyLam AKA Annie at age 42 Episode 14 - ASK THE EXPERT - Grief, Trauma and Mother's Day Triggers with Dr. Wiyatta Fahnbulleh, PsyD Episode 26: WARRIOR STORY When a therapist is infertile. @Infertile_therapist_in_therapy shares her infertility struggle at 40, her experience with immunotherapy abroad, and struggling as a therapist Episode 28 - ASK THE EXPERT - The Emotions of Infertility and How to Manage Your Emotions and The Expectations of Yourself and Others with Miss Conception Coach AKA Chiemi Episode 30 - Infertility Man Jon Summers Talks Getting A Cancer Diagnosis, Dating While Going Through IVF with Male Factor Infertility, and Mindset in the Face of Your Medical Challenges. Episode 32 - WARRIOR STORY - Recurrent Pregnancy Loss, Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, Müllerian Anomaly and Finding Humor, Your Voice and Sanity During Infertility with @for_the_barreness - Meghan Faith Episode 37: WARRIOR STORY with Annie Kuo, DO - Integrative Medicine Physician discussing her 20 IVF Cycles Along with Endometriosis, Surrogacy, and Male Factor Infertility Episode 47: WARRIOR STORY with Dr. Dina - Unexplained Infertility, Infertility in 40s, Struggle AFTER IVF and Finding the Right Clinic -------------------------------------------------------- RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE Books mentioned in this episode and previously mentioned can be found here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.amazon.com/shop/40andinfertile⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ DONATE HERE:  https://www.buymeacoffee.com/40andinfertile SPECIAL LISTENER OFFER FOR PRANAMAT:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://pranamat.com/af/ynkjmqzx?coupon=40andinfertile⁠⁠⁠⁠  (CODE: 40andinfertile) ------------------------------------------------------- ON THIS EPISODE: Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, PsyD  https://www.instagram.com/drlaurenfogelmersy/ About Dr. Mercy:  https://drlaurenfogel.com/about/ Work with Dr. Mercy:  https://drlaurenfogel.com/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/40andinfertile/support

On this episode, we've got a gem of wisdom to share with you: "Deep breathing is our nervous system's love language," as beautifully articulated by Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy.

Everything you never knew about libido and desire... This week Rory sits down with the authors of "Desire" to bust popular myths about bedroom dynamics and how to help you fix your love life. Plus! Tips for navigating sensitive conversations around desire and pleasure and making sure all parties feel fulfilled. She's joined by Dr. Jennifer Vencill and Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, sex therapists and the authors of Desire You can purchase DESIRE here. Or, Follow Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy HERE or Dr. Jennifer Vencill HERE. We discuss Comes as you Are and The Gottman Method, both linked! (I may be eligible for commission on select products) Thanks to HARU for sponsoring this episode. Visit https://harunmore.com/ and use RORY10 for ten percent off at check out!! To win free Haru, sign up for the mailing list (and confirm) HERE: https://www.crimesoftheheartpod.com/ For video clips from this episode or to follow Rory on INSTAGRAM click @icouldbeblonder and on TIKTOK @roryuphold  To send a story or leave a voice message for Rory click here: https://www.crimesoftheheartpod.com/ Got a Question? Wanna submit a story? We would LOVE to hear from you! Email us at rory@crimesoftheheartpod.com or DM on Instagram & TikTok Opening Jingle credit: Harry Foster Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Many new parents struggle with different sex drives after having a baby. Sleep deprivation, body changes, and a lack of time to prioritize our relationships all have an impact on our libido. But when we understand the factors affecting sex drive, we can navigate those differences and stay connected.  Today, I'm joined by psychologists and authors Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy and Dr. Jennifer Vencill to discuss how to navigate different sex drives in parenthood. Show Notes: https://bit.ly/481mAi7  Book a Free 15 min Consult with a mom therapist: momwell.com  Follow Momwell on Instagram: instagram.com/momwell  Sign up for our weekly VIP Newsletter: momwell.com/newsletter  Register for one of our popular workshops and courses: momwell.com/shop Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

237. Libido/Desire Differences in Partners Thanks to our sponsor Uber Lube 10% off, Code NOTBROKEN  uberlube.com  Thanks to our sponsor Sprout Pharmaceuticals addyi.com/notbroken Go to Addyi.com and use code NOTBROKEN for a $10 telemedicine appointment. Dr. Jennifer Vencill (she/her) is an assistant professor, board certified clinical health psychologist, and AASECT certified sex therapist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. Her research focuses on sexual health and health disparities in marginalized sexual and gender communities. Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy (she/her) is a licensed psychologist and an AASECT certified sex therapist. She received her doctorate in clinical psychology and completed her postdoctoral training at the University of Minnesota's Institute for Sexual and Gender Health. She has advanced training in Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy and Gottman Method Couple Therapy. She specializes in sexual health and relationships and owns her own private practice in Minnesota.  Why did they needed to write a book about desire? Desire discrepancy should be part of adult sex education "Your desire should match your partner" is a myth. Why do we want to blame someone or make someone be the problem in a relationship for having a low libido. The stereotype is that the low libido person is the female – but that is not always the case. We define responsive desire. Four requirements for responsive desire – consent, pleasure, focus, time When you have sex for your partner or fulfill a duty – if this is the default or only motivator for sex it can really affect your desire. Tips for getting out of this pattern. We talk about shame and sex. Your sexuality does not exist in a bubble. We suss out asexuality versus low desire. Asexuality is a self-identity label and a valid sexual orientation. What to do when not attracted to a partner anymore? Is attraction as fluid as desire is? We talk about “sexual destiny” beliefs versus sexual growth beliefs and how these can hurt and benefit our relationships.   Tips for the high libido partner. Reducing pressure on their partner and managing their rejection and disappointment reactions. Consider what you are longing for when you seek sexual connection or sexual frequency. Tips for “trying to conceive" low libido Is “desire discrepancy” in a relationship a deal breaker? Not usually. What to do when your partner stonewalls you or doesn't want to work on the relationship.   Dr. Fogel Mersy Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok @drlaurenfogelmersy  Dr. Vencill www.instagram.com/drjennifervencill. Get their desire book onAmazon Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships.   Did you get my “You Are Not Broken” Book Yet? https://amzn.to/3p18DfK Listen to my Tedx Talk: Why we need adult sex ed   Join my NEW Adult Sex Ed Master Class: https://www.kellycaspersonmd.com/adult-sex-ed   Join my membership to get these episodes ASAP when they are created and without advertisement and even listen live to the interviews and episodes. www.kellycaspersonmd.com/membership --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kj-casperson/message

In this episode, we get the pleasure to talk to sex therapist Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy about all the aspects that make a mutually fulfilling sex life. Schedule a session or pick up her book Desire here https://drlaurenfogel.com/

If you and your partner have a desire difference between you, you're not alone. In this episode, Dr. Solomon is joined by guests Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy and Dr. Jennifer Vencill for an honest and compassionate conversation about mismatched libidos and how partners can navigate this challenge as a team.Order Dr. Solomon's new book, Love Every Day:https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships by Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy & Dr. Jennifer Vencillhttps://drlaurenfogel.com/book/Subscribe to Dr. Solomon's Newsletter:https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/Submit a Listener Question:https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy. Lauren is a licensed psychologist and AASECT certified sex therapist. She has been a sex and relationship specialist for 10 years. Her work focuses on helping individuals, couples, and partners improve their relationships, both emotionally and sexually. Lauren's mission is to support people in creating relationships that are more secure, joyful, and fulfilling. The two of us discuss the topic of her new book, Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships, which, as the name suggests, is all about how couples can work through the challenges presented by discrepancies in their respective libidos.   Key points: - Lauren introduces herself and her book about desire and libido in relationships - The importance of inclusivity when discussing libido differences - Why couples seek help for varying levels of desire - Libido discrepancies over time - Emotional challenges and feelings of disconnection - Misalignment and societal expectations   Relevant links: Lauren's Instagram: @drlaurenfogelmersy Lauren's website: https://drlaurenfogel.com/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/cam-fraser/message

Are you the one in the relationship who wants to have sex all the time? Or are you on the other end of the spectrum? Either way, libido differences can have a major impact on your relationship, and can be very difficult to navigate. In this episode, Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy and Dr. Jennifer A. Vencill join to discuss their new book, Desire, and  how to manage sexual desire discrepancy.Savvy Psychologist is hosted by Dr. Monica Johnson. Have a mental health question? Email us at psychologist@quickanddirtytips.com or leave a voicemail at 929-256-2191. Find Savvy Psychologist on Facebook and Twitter, or subscribe to the newsletter for more psychology tips.Savvy Psychologist is a part of Quick and Dirty Tips.Links: https://quickanddirtytips.com/savvy-psychologisthttps://www.facebook.com/savvypsychologisthttps://twitter.com/qdtsavvypsychhttps://www.kindmindpsych.com/ 

A lot of people have ideas about sex therapy that are totally wrong. For example, some people seem to think that the therapist is going to be having sex with you, or that they're going to watch you have sex. This could not be further from the truth! So let's talk about what sex therapy is and isn't. In this show, we're also going to explore who sex therapy is for, how long it typically lasts, how well it works, and much more. I am joined once again by Dr. Jennifer Vencill, an assistant professor, board certified clinical health psychologist, and AASECT certified sex therapist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. Dr. Vencill's first popular press book is titled DESIRE: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships, which she co-authored with Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy. Some of the topics we discuss include: What are some common things people get wrong about sex therapy? When someone visits a sex therapist for the first time, what might that first session look like? How long might someone expect to be in sex therapy to resolve a sexual problem? Who is a good candidate for sex therapy? What does couples sex therapy look like? How successful is sex therapy at treating and resolving sexual and relationship difficulties? To stay connected, you can follow Jennifer on Instagram. Looking for a sex therapist? Check out this page for a handy list of therapist locater tools. Thank you to our sponsors! Make oral sex your superpower with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Sign up today for Beducated's FREE oral sex video training at https://beducate.me/lm2331-lehmiller  Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

The most commonly offered piece of sex advice I hear people give is to communicate more. While this advice certainly makes sense, simply telling people to "communicate more" can ring kind of hollow if it's not coupled with information on how to do it. Most of us recognize the importance of communication; however, we don't always do it because we often lack communication skills. So let's talk about how to talk about sex! I am joined once again by Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, a licensed psychologist and AASECT certified sex therapist. Along with Jennifer Vencill, Lauren is co-author of the forthcoming book, Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships, which we covered in the previous two episodes. Some of the topics we discuss include: How can partners get in the habit of talking about sex without it being a source of anxiety? What are some strategies for bringing up sexual difficulties with a partner? How can we express our "no's" and hear a partner's "no's" in more productive ways? What are some healthy ways to share our fantasies and desires with a partner? How can you leverage non-verbal communication to express your sexual wants and needs? To learn more, make sure to check out Lauren's website and connect with her on Instagram. Thank you to our sponsors! Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you'll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In the previous episode, we talked about sexual desire discrepancies, which occur when partners want different amounts of sex in a relationship. In that show, we focused on how to navigate this situation when you're the partner with less sexual desire. Today, we're going to focus on the flipside: what to do when you're the partner with more sexual desire. No matter which side of the desire discrepancy you're on, it can be a difficult situation to navigate, but there are lot of tips and strategies you can explore to help bridge the divide. My guest today is Dr. Jennifer Vencill, an assistant professor, board certified clinical health psychologist, and AASECT certified sex therapist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. Dr. Vencill's first popular press book is titled DESIRE: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships, which she co-authored with Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy. Some of the topics we discuss include: What is the role of gender in sexual desire discrepancies? What does it mean to have "high libido" anyway? How can looking at your own motivations for sex help manage discrepant desire? What are the roles of self-pleasure and consensual non-monogamy in navigating desire discrepancies? What can a high-desire partner do to be supportive of a partner who might have lower desire due to trauma? To stay connected, you can follow Jennifer on Instagram. Thank you to our sponsors! CHEEX is a subscription-based sexual wellness platform offering a safe space for both entertainment and education. You'll find sex tutorials, live workshops, erotic films and audio stories, as well as a taboo-breaking magazine. Try CHEEX for free for 7 days when you select the annual subscription option and use discount code LEHMILLER. Visit https://getcheex.com to get started. Support sex science by becoming a friend of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Visit kinseyinstitute.org to make a donation to support ongoing research projects on critical topics. You can also show your support by following the Kinsey Institute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In today's episode, Robin had the pleasure of speaking with Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist. Together they delve into her new book, co-authored with Dr. Jennifer Vencill, Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships.Dr. Lauren explores the complexities of desire and libido. She emphasizes that it's not simply a matter of one person having a high libido and the other having a low libido. Instead, she highlights the importance of understanding how each individual's desire is cultivated.Through her book, Dr. Lauren provides a wealth of education, information, and strategies to enhance our sex lives.  Get ready for an insightful conversation filled with eye-opening learnings and practical tips that can help us add more pleasure and fulfillment into our lives.We want to hear from you! Send us your anonymous questions for the Podcast as well as our weekly IGTV Live Ask The Experts Q&A. https://realloveready.com/submitaquestionLearn more with Dr. Lauren:Preorder Desire: https://drlaurenfogel.com/book/FOLLOW DR. LAUREN:INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TIKTOKFOLLOW DR. JENNIFER VENCILL: INSTAGRAMFOLLOW RLR: INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTERWatch the podcast on YouTube: youtube.com/realloveready Credits: the Let's Talk Love Podcast is hosted by Robin Ducharme, recorded and edited by Maia Anstey, and transcribed by Otter.ai.

In long-term sexual relationships, partners aren't always on the same page about sex. This is normal. However, when a sexual desire discrepancy becomes large and persistent, it can become a significant source of conflict and distress. So let's talk about how to navigate desire discrepancies. This is the first episode in a two-part series on the subject. Today, we're going to discuss what to do when you're the one who wants less sex. In the next episode, we're going to talk about the flipside: what to do when you're the partner who wants more sex. My guest is Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, a licensed psychologist and AASECT certified sex therapist. She is the co-author of the forthcoming book, Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships. Her co-author of this book, Jennifer Vencill, will join me for the next episode. Some of the topics we discuss include: How common are sexual desire discrepancies? What are some of the factors that can negatively affect libido and lead to a decline in sexual desire? What does it really mean to have "low libido?" Is your libido actually low, or does it just seem low compared to your partner? What are some strategies for reconnecting with your partner when dealing with low libido? What is sensate focus, and how can it be helpful in dealing with a sexual desire discrepancy? To learn more, make sure to check out Lauren's website and connect with her on Instagram. Thank you to our sponsors! Are you passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you'll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Welcome. This is Week 4 of the Sexual Health and Anxiety Series. I have loved your feedback about this so far. I have loved hearing what is right for you, what is not right for you, getting your perspective on what can be so helpful. A lot of people are saying that they really are grateful that we are covering sexual health and anxiety because it's a topic that we really don't talk enough about. I think there's so much shame in it, and I think that that's something we hopefully can break through today by bringing it into the sunlight and bringing it out into the open and just talking about it as it is, which is just all good and all neutral, and we don't need to judge. Let's go through the series so far. In Episode 1 of the series, we did sexual anxiety or sexual performance anxiety with Lauren Fogel Mersy. Number two, we did understanding arousal and anxiety. A lot of you loved that episode, talking a lot about understanding arousal and anxiety. Then last week, we talked about the sexual side effects of anxiety and depression medication or antidepressants with Dr. Sepehr Aziz. That was such a great episode. This week, we're talking about sexual intrusive thoughts.  The way that I structured this is I wanted to first address the common concerns people have about sexual health and intimacy and so forth. Now I want to talk about some of the medical pieces and the human pieces that can really complicate things. In this case, it's your thoughts. The thoughts we have can make a huge impact on how we see ourselves, how we judge ourselves, the meaning we make of it, the identity we give it, and it can be incredibly distressing. My hope today is just to go through and normalize all of these experiences and thoughts and presentations and give you some direction on where you can go from there. Because we do know that your thoughts, as we discussed in the second episode, can impact arousal and your thoughts can impact your sexual anxiety.  SEXUAL OCD OBSESSIONS Let's talk a little bit today about specific sexual intrusive thoughts. Now, sexual intrusive thoughts is also known as sexual obsessions. A sexual obsession is like any other obsession, which is, it is a repetitive, UNWANTED—and let's emphasize the unwanted piece—sexual thought. There are all different kinds of sexual intrusive thoughts that you can have. For many of you listening, you may have sexual intrusive thoughts and OCD that get together and make a really big mess in your mind and confuse you and bring on doubt and uncertainty, and like I said before, make you question your identity and all of those things.  In addition to these intrusive thoughts, they often can feel very real. Often when people have these sexual intrusive thoughts, again, we all have intrusive thoughts, but if they're sexual in nature, when they're accompanied by anxiety, they can sometimes feel incredibly real, so much so that you start to question everything.  SEXUAL SENSATIONS Now, in addition to having sexual intrusive thoughts, some of you have sexual sensations, and we talked a little bit about this in previous episodes. But what I'm really speaking about there is sensations that you would often feel upon arousal. The most common is what we call in the OCD field a groinal response. Some people call it the groinal in and of itself, which is, we know again from previous episodes that when we have sexual thoughts or thoughts that are sexual in nature, we often will feel certain sensations of arousal, whether that be lubrication, swelling, tingling, throbbing. You might simply call it arousal or being turned on. And that is where a lot of people, again, get really confused because they're having these thoughts that they hate, they're unwanted, they're repetitive, they're impacting their life, they're associated with a lot of anxiety and uncertainty, and doubt. And then, now you're having this reaction in your body too, and that groinal response can create a heightened need to engage in compulsions.  As we know—we talk about this in ERP School, our online course for OCD; we go through this extensively—when someone has an obsession, a thought, an intrusive thought, it creates uncertainty and anxiety. And then naturally what we do is we engage in a compulsion to reduce or remove that discomfort to give them a short-term sense of relief. But then what ends up happening is that short-term relief ends up reinforcing the original obsession, which means you have it more, and then you go back through the cycle. You cycle on that cycle over and over again. It gets so big. It ends up impacting your life so, so much. INTRUSIVE SEXUAL URGES Now, let's also address while we're here that a lot of you may have intrusive sexual urges. These are also obsessions that we have when you have OCD or OCD-related disorders where you feel like your body is pulling you towards an action to harm someone, to do a sexual act, to some fantasy. You're having this urge that feels like your body is pulling you like a magnet towards that behavior. Even if you don't want to do that behavior, or even if that behavior disgusts you and it doesn't line up with your values, you may still experience these sexual OCD urges that really make you feel like you're on the cusp of losing control, that you may snap and do that behavior. This is how impactful these sexual intrusive thoughts can be. This is how powerful they can be in that they can create these layers upon layers. You have the thoughts, then you have the feelings, then you have the sensations, you also have the urges. Often there's a lot of sexual intrusive images as well, like you see in front of you, like a projector, the image happening or the movie scene playing out that really scares you, concerns you, and so forth. And then all of those layers together make you feel absolutely horrible, terrified, so afraid, so unsure of what's happening in and of yourself.  TYPES OF SEXUAL OCD OBSESSIONS Let's talk about some specific OCD obsessions and ways in which this plays out. Now, in the OCD field, we call them subtypes. Subtypes are different categories we have of obsessions. They don't collect all of them. There are people who have a lot of obsessions that don't fall under these categories, but these subtypes usually include groups of people who experience these subtypes. The reason we do that is, number one, it can be very validating to know that other people are in that subgroup. Number two, it can also really help inform treatment when we have a specific subtype that we know what's happening, and that can be very helpful and reduce the shame of the person experiencing them.  1. SEXUAL ORIENTATION OBSESSIONS OR SEXUAL ORIENTATION OCD It used to be called homosexual OCD. That was because predominantly people who were heterosexual were reporting having thoughts or sexual intrusive thoughts about their sexual orientation—am I gay, am I straight—and really struggling with having certainty about this. Again, now that we're more inclusive and that I think a lot more people are talking about sexuality, that we have a lot less shame, a lot more education, we scrapped the homosexual OCD or homosexual obsessions or subtype category. Now we have a more inclusive category, which is called sexual orientation OCD. That can include any body of any sexual orientation who has doubt and uncertainty about that.  Now remember when we started, we talked about the fact that sexual intrusive thoughts are usually unwanted, they're repetitive and they don't line up with our values. What we are not talking about here is someone who is actually questioning their sexual orientation. I know a lot of people are. They're really exploring and being curious about different orientations that appeal to them. That's way different to the people who have sexual orientation OCD or sexual orientation obsessions. People with OCD are absolutely terrified of this unknown answer, and they feel an incredible sense of urgency to solve it.  If you experience this, you may actually want to listen back. We've got a couple of episodes on this in the past. But it's really important to understand and we have to understand the nuance here that as you're doing treatment, we are very careful not to just sweep people under the rug and say, “This is your OCD,” because we want to be informed in knowing that, okay, you also do get to question your sexual orientation. But if it is a presentation of sexual orientation OCD, we will treat it like that and we will be very specific in reducing the compulsions that you're engaging in so that you can get some relief. That is the first one.  2. SEXUAL INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT FAMILY OR SEXUAL INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT INCEST Incest sexual OCD or that type of subtype is another very common one. But often, again, one that is not talked about enough in fear of being judged, in fear of having too much shame, in fear of being reported. When people have these types of obsessions, they often will have a thought like, “What if I'm attracted to my dad?” Or maybe they're with their sibling and they experience some arousal for reasons they don't know. Again, we talked about this in the arousal and anxiety episode, so go back and listen to that if you didn't. They may experience that, and that is where they will often say, “My brain broke. I feel like I had to solve that answer. I had to figure it out. I need to get complete certainty that that is not the case, and I need to know for sure.”  The important thing to remember here is a lot of my patients, I will see and they may have some of these sexual intrusive thoughts, but their partners will say, “Yeah, I've had the same thoughts.” It's just that for the person without OCD, they don't experience that same degree of distress. They blow it off. It doesn't really land in their brain. It's just like a fleeting thought. Whereas people with OCD, it's like the record got stuck and it's just repeating, repeating, repeating. The distress gets higher. The doubt and uncertainty get higher. Therefore, because of all of this bubbling kettle happening, there's this really strong urgency to relieve it with compulsions.  3. SEXUAL INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT GOD OR ABOUT A RELIGIOUS LEADER This is one that's less common, or should I say less commonly reported. We actually don't have evidence of how common it is. I think a lot of people have so much shame and are so afraid of sinning and what that means that they may even not report it. But again, this is no different to having thoughts of incest, but this one is particularly focused on having sexual thoughts about God and needing to know what that means and trying to cleanse themselves of their perceived sin, of having that intrusive thought. It can make them question their religion. It can make them feel like they have to stop going to church. They may do a ton of compulsive prayer. They may do a ton of reassurance with certain religious leaders to make sure that they're not sinning or to relieve them of that uncertainty and that distaste and distress. These are all very common symptoms of people who have sexual intrusive thoughts about God. 4. BESTIALITY OBSESSIONS These are thoughts about pets and animals, and it's very common. It's funny, as we speak, I am recording this with a three-pound puppy sitting on my lap. We just got a three-pound puppy. It is a Malti-Poo puppy dog, and he's the cutest thing you've ever seen. But it's true that when you have a dog, you're having to take care of its genitals and wipe it up and its feces and its urine and clean and all the things, and it's common to have sexual intrusive thoughts about your pet or about your dog or your cat. Some people, again, with bestiality obsessions or bestiality OCD, have a tremendous repetitive degree of these thoughts. They're very distressing because they love their dog. They would never do anything to hurt their dog, but they can't stop having these thoughts or these feelings or these sensations, or even these urges. Again, all these presentations are the same, it's just that the content is different. We treat them the same when we're discussing it, but we're very careful with addressing the high level of shame and embarrassment, humiliation, guilt that they have for these thoughts. Guilt is a huge one with these sexual obsessions. People often feel incredibly guilty as if they've done something wrong for having these obsessions. These are a few.  5. PEDOPHILIA OBSESSIONS Now, for someone who has intrusive sexual thoughts and feelings and sensations and urges about children (POCD), they tend to be, in my experience, the most distressed. They tend to be, when I see them, the ones who come in absolutely completely taken over with guilt and shame. A lot of the time, they will have completely removed themselves from their child. They feel they're not responsible. They won't go near the parks. They won't go to family's birthday parties. They're so insistent on trying to never have these thoughts. Again, I understand. I don't blame them. But as we know, the more you try not to have a thought, what happens? The more you have it. The more you try and suppress a thought, the more you have it. That can get people in a very stuck cycle.  SEXUAL OCD  COMPULSIONS Let's move on now to really address different sexual OCD compulsions.  Now, for all sexual obsessions, or what I should say is, for all obsessions in general, there are specific categories of compulsions and these are things again that we do to reduce or remove the discomfort and certainty, dread, doubt, and so forth.  1. Trigger Avoidance This is where you avoid the thing that may trigger your obsession or thought. Avoiding your dog, avoiding your child, avoiding your family member, avoiding people of the sexual orientation that you're having uncertainty about.  2. Actual Sex Avoidance We talked about that in the first episode. We talked a lot about how people avoid sex because of the anxiety that being intimate and sexual causes.  3. Mental Rumination This is a really common one for sexual intrusive thoughts because you just want to solve like why am I having it? What does it mean? You might be ruminating, what could that mean? And going over and over and over that a many, many time.  4. Mental Checking What you can also be doing here is checking for arousal. Next time you're around, let's say, a dog and you have bestiality obsessions, you might check to see if you're aroused. But just checking to see if you're aroused means that you get aroused. Now that you're aroused, you're now checking to see what that means and trying to figure that out and you're very distressed.  We can see how often the compulsion that the person does actually triggers more and more and more distress. It may provide you a moment or a fleeting moment of relief, but then you actually have more distress. It usually brings on more uncertainty. We know that the more we try and control life, the more out of control we feel. That's a general rule. That's very much the case for these types of obsessive thoughts.  5. Pornography Use A lot of people who have sexual orientation OCD in particular, but any of these, they may actually use pornography as a way to get reassurance that they are of a certain sexual orientation, that they are not attracted to the orientation that they're having uncertainty about, or they're not attracted to animals or God or a family member because they were aroused watching pornography. That becomes a form of self-reassurance.  There's two types of reassurance. One is reassurance where we go to somebody else and say, “Are you sure I wouldn't do that thing? Are you sure that thing isn't true? Are you sure I don't have that? I'm not that bad a person?” The other one is really giving reassurance to yourself, and that's a very common one with pornography use.  SEXUAL INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS PTSD  There are some sexual intrusive thought examples, including specific obsessions and subtypes, and also compulsions. But one sexual intrusive thought example I also wanted to address is not OCD-related; it's actually related to a different diagnosis, which is called PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). Often for people who have been sexually assaulted or molested, they too may experience sexual intrusive thoughts in the form of memories or images of what happened to them or what could have happened to them. Maybe it's often some version of what happened to them, and that is a common presentation for PTSD. If you are experiencing PTSD, usually, there is a traumatic event that is related to the obsession or the thoughts. They usually are in association or accompanied by flashbacks. There are many other symptoms. I'm not a PTSD specialist, but there's a high level of distress, many nightmares. You may have flashbacks, as I've said. Panic is a huge part of PTSD as well. That is common. If you have had a traumatic event, I would go and see a specialist and help them to make sure that they've diagnosed you correctly so that you can get the correct care.  SEXUAL INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS TREATMENT If you have OCD and you're having some of these sexual intrusive thoughts, the best treatment for you to go and get immediately is Exposure and Response Prevention. This is a particular type of cognitive behavioral therapy where you can learn to change your reaction, break yourself out of that cycle of obsessions, anxiety, compulsions, and then feed yourself back into the loop around and around. You can break that cycle and return back to doing the things you want and have a different reaction to the thoughts that you have. PEOPLE ASK HOW TO STOP SEXUAL INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS?  Often people will come to me and say, “How do I stop these sexual intrusive thoughts?” I will quickly say to them, “You don't. The more you try and stop them, the more you're going to have. But what we can do is we can act very skillfully in intervening, not by preventing the thoughts, but by changing how we relate and respond to those thoughts.” For those of you who don't know, I have a whole course on this called ERP School. ERP is for Exposure and Response Prevention. I'll show you how you can do this on your own, or you can reach out to me and we can talk about whether if you're in the states where we're licensed, one of my associates can help you one-on-one. If you're not in a state where I belong, reach out to the IOCDF and see if you can find someone who treats OCD using ERP in your area. Because the truth is, you don't have to suffer having these thoughts. There is a treatment to help you manage these thoughts and help you be much more comfortable in response to those thoughts. Of course, the truth here is you're never going to like them. Nobody likes these thoughts. The goal isn't to like them. The goal isn't to make them go away. The goal isn't to prove them wrong even; it's just to change your reaction to one that doesn't keep that cycle going. That is the key component when it comes to sexual intrusive thoughts treatment or OCD treatment. That's true for any subtype of OCD because there are many other subtypes as well.  That's it, guys. I could go on and on and on and on about this, but I want to be respectful of your time. The main goal again is just to normalize that these thoughts happen. For some people, it happens more than others. The goal, if you can take one thing away from today, it would be, try not to assign meaning to the duration and frequency of which you have these thoughts. Often people will say, “I have them all day. That has to mean something.” I'm here to say, “Let's not assign meaning to these thoughts at all. Thoughts are thoughts. They come and they go. They don't have meaning and we want to practice not assigning meaning to them so we don't strengthen that cycle.”  I hope that was helpful for you guys. I know it was a ton of information. I hope it was super, super helpful. I am so excited to continue with this.  Next week, we are talking about menopause and anxiety, which we have an amazing doctor again. I want to talk about things with people who are really skilled in this area. We have a medical doctor coming on talking about menopause and the impact of anxiety. And then we're going to talk about PMS and anxiety, and that will hopefully conclude our sexual health and anxiety series.  Thank you so much for being here. I love you guys so much. Thank you from me and from Theo, our beautiful little baby puppy. I will see you next week.

Hello and welcome back everybody. We are on Week 3 of the Sexual Health and Anxiety Series. At first, we talked with the amazing Lauren Fogel Mersy about sexual anxiety or sexual performance anxiety. And then last week, I went into depth about really understanding arousal and anxiety, how certain things will increase arousal, certain things will decrease it, and teaching you how to get to know what is what so that you can have a rich, intimate, fulfilling life.  We are now on Week 3. I have to admit, this is an episode that I so have wanted to do for quite a while, mainly because I get asked these questions so often and I actually don't know the answers. It's actually out of my scope. In clinical terms, we call it “out of my scope of practice,” meaning the topic we're talking about today is out of my skill set. It's out of my pay grade. It's out of my level of training.  What we're talking about this week is the sexual side effects of antidepressants or anxiety medications, the common ones that people have when they are anxious or depressed. Now, as I said to you, this is a medical topic, one in which I am not trained to talk about, so I invited Dr. Sepehr Aziz onto the episode, and he does such a beautiful job, a respectful, kind, compassionate approach to addressing sexual side effects of anxiety medication, sexual side effects of depression medication. It's just beautiful. It's just so beautiful. I feel like I want to almost hand this episode off to every patient when I first start treating them, because I think so often when we're either on medication or we're considering medication, this is a really common concern, one in which people often aren't game to discuss. So, here we are. I'm actually going to leave it right to the doctor, leave it to the pro to talk all about sexual side effects and what you can do, and how you may discuss this with your medical provider. Let's do it. Kimberley: Welcome. I have been wanting to do this interview for so long. I am so excited to have with us Dr. Sepehr Aziz. Thank you so much for being here with us today. Dr. Aziz: Thanks for having me. Kimberley: Okay. I have so many questions we're going to get through as much as we can. Before we get started, just tell us a little about you and your background, and tell us what you want to tell us. Dr. Aziz: Sure. Again, I'm Dr. Sepehr Aziz. I go by “Shepherd,” so you can go ahead and call me Shep if you'd like. I'm a psychiatrist. I'm board certified in general adult psychiatry as well as child and adolescent psychiatry by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology. I completed medical school and did my residency in UMass where they originally developed mindfulness-based CBT and MBSR. And then I completed my Child and Adolescent training at UCSF. I've been working since then at USC as a Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychiatry there. I see a lot of OCD patients. I do specialize in anxiety disorders and ADHD as well. Kimberley: Which is why you're the perfect person for this job today. Dr. Aziz: Thank you.  WHAT ARE THE BEST MEDICATIONS FOR PEOPLE WITH ANXIETY & OCD (IN GENERAL)? Kimberley: I thank you so much for being here. I want to get straight into the big questions that I get asked so regularly and I don't feel qualified to answer myself. What are the best medications for people with anxiety and OCD? Is there a general go-to? Can you give me some explanation on that? Dr. Aziz: As part of my practice, I first and foremost always try to let patients know that the best treatment is always a combination of therapy as well as medications. It's really important to pursue therapy because medications can treat things and they can make it easier to tolerate your anxiety, but ultimately, in order to have sustained change, you really want to have therapy as well. Now, the first-line medications for anxiety and OCD are the same, and that's SSRIs or selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors. SNRIs, which are selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors, also work generally, but the best research that we have in the literature is on SSRIs, and that's why they're usually preferred first. There are other medications that also might work, but these are usually first-line, as we call it. There are no specific SSRIs that might work better. We've tried some head-to-head trials sometimes, but there's no one medication that works better than others. It's just tailored depending on the patient and the different side effects of the medication. SSRI'S VS ANTIDEPRESSANTS DEFINITION Kimberley: Right. Just so people are clear in SSRI, a lot of people, and I notice, use the term antidepressant. Are they synonymous or are they different? Dr. Aziz: Originally, they were called antidepressants when they first were released because that was the indication. There was an epidemic of depression and we were really badly looking for medications that would work. Started out with tricyclic antidepressants and then we had MAOIs, and then eventually, we developed SSRIs. These all fall under antidepressant treatments. However, later on, we realized that they work very well for anxiety in addition to depression. Actually, in my opinion, they work better for anxiety than they do for depression. I generally shy away from referring to them as antidepressants just to reduce the stigma around them a little bit and also to be more accurate in the way that I talk about them. But yes, they're synonymous, you could say.  BEST MEDICATION FOR DEPRESSION Kimberley: Sure. Thank you for clearing that up because that's a question I often get. I know I led you in a direction away but you answered. What is the best medication for people with depression then? Is it those SSRIs or would you go-- Dr. Aziz: Again, these are first-line medications, which means it's the first medication we would try if we're starting medication, which is SSRIs. Other medications might also work like SNRIs again. For depression specifically, there are medications called serotonin modulators that are also effective such as vortioxetine or nefazodone, or vilazodone. But SSRIs are generally what people reach for first just because they've been around for a long time, they're available generic, they work, and there's no evidence that the newer medications or modulators work better. They're usually first line. Kimberley: Fantastic. Now you brought up the term “generic” and I think that that's an important topic because the cost of therapy is high. A lot of people may be wondering, is the generic as good as the non-generic options? Dr. Aziz: It really depends on the medication and it also depends on which country you're in. In the US, we have pretty strict laws as to how closely a generic has to be to a regular medication, a brand name medication, and there's a margin of error that they allow. The margin of error for generics is, I believe, a little bit higher than for the brand name. However, most of the time, it's pretty close. For something like Lexapro, I usually don't have any pressure on myself to prescribe the brand name over the generic. For something like other medications we use in psychiatry that might have a specific way that the brand name is released, a non-anxiety example is Concerta, which is for ADHD. This medication uses an osmotic release mechanism and that's proprietary. They license it out to one generic company, but that license is expiring. All those patients who are on that generic in the next month or two are going to notice a difference in the way that the medication is released. Unless you're a physician privy to that information, you might not even know that that's going to happen. That's where you see a big change. Otherwise, for most of the antidepressants, I haven't noticed a big difference between generic and brand names.   Kimberley: Right. Super helpful. Now you mentioned it depends on the person. How might one decide or who does decide what medication they would go on? Dr. Aziz: It's really something that needs to be discussed between the person and their psychiatrist. There are a number of variables that go into that, such as what's worked in a family member in the past, because there are genetic factors in hepatic metabolism and things like that that give us some clue as to what might work. Or sometimes if I have a patient with co-occurring ADHD and I know they're going to be missing their medications a lot, I'm more likely to prescribe them Prozac because it has a longer half-life, so it'll last longer. If they miss a dose or two, it's not as big of a deal. If I have a patient who's very nervous about getting off of the medication when they get pregnant, I would avoid Prozac because it has a long half-life and it would take longer to come off of the medication. Some medications like Prozac and Zoloft are more likely to cause insomnia or agitation in younger people, so I'll take that into consideration. Some medications have a higher likelihood of causing weight loss versus weight gain. These are all things that would take into consideration in order to tailor it to the specific patient. Kimberley: Right. I think that's been my experience too. They will usually ask, do you have a sibling or a parent that tried a certain medication, and was that helpful? I love that question. I think it informs a lot of decisions. We're here really. The main goal of today is really to talk about one particular set of side effects, which is the sexual side effects of medication. In fact, I think most commonly with clients of mine, that tends to be the first thing they're afraid of having to happen. How common are sexual side effects? Is it in fact all hype or is it something that is actually a concern? How would you explain the prevalence of the side effects? Dr. Aziz: This is a really important topic, I just want to say, because it is something that I feel is neglected when patients are talking to physicians, and that's just because it can be uncomfortable to talk about these things sometimes, both for physicians and for patients. Oftentimes, it's avoided almost. But because of that, we don't know for sure exactly what the incidence rate is. The literature on this and the research on this is not very accurate for a number of reasons. There are limitations. The range is somewhere between 15 to 80% and the best estimate is about 50%. But I don't even like saying that because it really depends on age, gender, what other co-occurring disorders they have such as depression. Unipolar depression can also cause sexual dysfunction. They don't always take that into account in these studies. A lot of the studies don't ask baseline sexual function before asking if there's dysfunction after starting a medication, so it's hard to tell. What I can say for sure, and this is what I tell my patients, is that this sexual dysfunction is the number one reason why people stop taking the medication, because of adverse effects.  WHAT MEDICATIONS ARE MORE PRONE TO SEXUAL SIDE EFFECTS?  Kimberley: Right. It's interesting you say that we actually don't know, and it is true. I've had clients say having anxiety has sexual side effects too, having depression has sexual side effects too, and they're weighing the pros and cons of going on medication comparative to when you're depressed, you may not have any sexual drive as well. Are some medications more prone to these sexual side effects? Does that help inform your decision on what you prescribe because of certain meds? Dr. Aziz: Yeah. I mean, the SSRIs specifically are the ones that are most likely to cause sexual side effects. Technically, it's the tricyclics, but no one really prescribes those in high doses anymore. It's very rare. They're the number one. But in terms of the more commonly prescribed antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications among the SSRIs and the SNRIs and the things like bupropion and the serotonin modulators we talked about, the SSRIs are most likely to cause sexual dysfunction. Kimberley: Right. Forgive me for my lack of knowledge here, I just want to make sure I'm understanding this. What about the medications like Xanax and the more panic-related medications? Is that underneath this category? Can you just explain that to me? Dr. Aziz: I don't usually include those in this category. Those medications work for anxiety technically, but in current standard practice, we don't start them as an initial medication for anxiety disorders because there's a physical dependency that can occur and then it becomes hard to come off of the medication. They're used more for panic as an episodic abortive medication when someone is in the middle of a panic attack, or in certain cases of anxiety that's not responding well to more conventional treatment, we'll start it. We'll start it on top of or instead of those medications. They can cause sexual side effects, but it's not the same and it's much less likely.  SEXUAL SIDE EFFECTS OF MEDICATION FOR MEN VS WOMEN  Kimberley: Okay. Very helpful. Is it the same? I know you said we don't have a lot of data, and I think that's true because of the stigma around reporting sexual side effects, or even just talking about sex in general. Do we have any data on whether it impacts men more than women? Dr. Aziz: The data shows that women report more sexual side effects, but we believe that's because women are more likely to be treated with SSRIs. When we're looking at the per capita, we don't have good numbers in terms of that. In my own practice, I'd say it's pretty equal. I feel like men might complain about it more, but again, I'm a man and so it might just be a comfort thing of reporting it to me versus not reporting. Although I try to be good about asking before and after I start medication, which is very important to do. But again, it doesn't happen all the time. Kimberley: Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? Because from my experience as a clinician, not a psychiatrist, and this is very anecdotal, I've heard men because of not the stigma, but the pressure to have a full erection and to be very hard, that there's a certain masculinity that's very much vulnerable when they have sexual side effects—I've heard that to be very distressing. In my experience. I've had women be really disappointed in the sexual side effects, but I didn't feel that... I mean, that's not really entirely true because I think there's shame on both ends. Do you notice that the expectations on gender impacts how much people report or the distress that they have about the sexual side effects?  Dr. Aziz: Definitely. I think, like you said, men feel more shame when it comes to sexual side effects. For women, it's more annoyance. We haven't really talked about what the sexual side effects are, but that also differs between the sexes. Something that's the same between sexes, it takes longer to achieve orgasm or climax. In some cases, you can't. For men, it can cause erectile dysfunction or low libido. For women, it can also cause low libido or lack of lubrication, which can also lead to pain on penetration or pain when you're having sex. These are differences between the sexes that can cause different reporting and different feelings, really. Kimberley: Right. That's interesting that it's showing up in that. It really sounds like it impacts all the areas of sexual playfulness and sexual activity, the arousal, the lubrication. That's true for men too, by the sounds of it. Is that correct?  Dr. Aziz: Yeah.  Kimberley: We've already done one episode about the sexual performance anxiety, and I'm sure it probably adds to performance anxiety when that's not going well as well, correct? Dr. Aziz: It's interesting because in my practice, when I identify that someone is having sexual performance anxiety or I feel like somebody, especially people with anxiety disorders, if I feel like they have vulvodynia, which means pain on penetration—if I see they have vulvodynia and I feel that this is because of the anxiety, oftentimes the SSRI might improve that and cause greater satisfaction from sex. It's a double-edged sword here. COMMON SEXUAL SIDE EFFECTS OF ANTIDEPRESSANTS Kimberley: Yeah. Can you tell me a little more about What symptoms are they having? The pain? What was it called again? Dr. Aziz: Vulvodynia. Kimberley: Is that for men and women? Just for women, I'm assuming. Dr. Aziz: Just from vulva, it is referring to the outside of the female genitalia. Especially when you have a lack of lubrication or sometimes the muscles, everyone with anxiety knows sometimes you have muscle tension and there are a lot of complex muscles in the pelvic floor. Sometimes this can cause pain when you're having sex. There are different ways to address that, but SSRIs sometimes can improve that.  Kimberley: Wow. It can improve it, and sometimes it can create a side effect as well, and it's just a matter of trial and error, would you say? Dr. Aziz: It's a delicate balance because these side effects are also dose-dependent. It's not like black or white. I start someone on 5 milligrams, which is a child's dose of Lexapro. Either they have sexual side effects or don't. They might not have it on 5, and then they might have it a little bit on 10, and then they get to 20 and they're like, “Doctor, I can't have orgasms anymore.” We try to find the balance between improving the anxiety and avoiding side effects. SEXUAL SIDE EFFECTS TREATMENT Kimberley: You're going right into the big question, which is, when someone does have side effects, is it the first line of response to look at the dose? Or how would you handle a case if someone came to you first and said, “I'm having sexual side effects, what can we do?”  Dr. Aziz: Again, I'm really thorough personally. Before I even seem to start a medication, I'll ask about libido and erectile dysfunction and ability to climax and things like that, so I have a baseline. That's important when you are thinking about making a change to someone's medications. The other thing that's important is, is the medication working for them? If they haven't seen a big difference since they started the medication, I might change the medication. If they've seen an improvement, now there's a pressure on me to keep the medication on because it's working and helping. I might augment it with a second medication that'll help reverse the sexual side effects or I might think about reducing the dose a little bit while maintaining somewhere in the therapeutic zone of doses or I might recommend, and I always recommend non-pharmacological ways of addressing sexual side effects. You always do that at baseline. Kimberley: What would that be? Dr. Aziz: There's watchful waiting. Sometimes if you just wait and give it some time, these symptoms can get better. I'm a little more active than that. I'll say it's not just waiting, but it's waiting and practicing, whether that's solo practice or with your partner. Sometimes planning sex helps, especially if you have low libido. There's something about the anticipation that can make someone more excited. The use of different aids for sex such as toys, vibrators, or pornography, whether that's pornographic novels or imagery, can sometimes help with the libido issues and also improve satisfaction for both partners. The other thing which doesn't have great research, but there is a small research study on this, and not a lot of people know about this, but if you exercise about an hour before sex, you're more likely to achieve climax. This was specifically studied in people with SSRI-related anorgasmia. Kimberley: Interesting. I'm assuming too, like lubricants, oils, and things like that as well, or? Dr. Aziz: For lubrication issues, yes. Lubricants, oils, and again, you really have to give people psychoeducation on which ones they have to use, which ones they have to avoid, which ones interact with condoms, and which ones don't. But you would recommend those as well. Kimberley: Is it a normal practice to also refer for sex therapy? If the medication is helping their symptoms, depression, anxiety, OCD, would you ever refer to sex therapy to help with that? Is that a standard practice or is that for specific diagnoses, like you said, with the pain around the vulva and so forth? Dr. Aziz: Absolutely. A lot of the things I just talked about are part of sex therapy and they're part of the sexual education that you would receive when you go to a sex therapist. I happen to be comfortable talking about these things, and I've experienced talking about it. When I write my notes, that would fall under me doing therapy. But a lot of psychiatrists would refer to a sex therapist. Hopefully, there are some in the town nearby where someone is. It's sometimes hard to find someone that specializes in that. Kimberley: Is there some pushback with that? I mean, I know when I've had patients and they're having some sexual dysfunction and they do have some pushback that they feel a lot of shame around using vibrators or toys. Do you notice a more willingness to try that because they want to stay on the meds? Or is it still very difficult for them to consider trying these additional things? Are they more likely to just say, “No, the meds are the problem, I want to go off the medication”? Dr. Aziz: It really depends on the patient. In my population that I see, I work at USC on campus, so I only see university students in my USC practice. My age group is like 18 to 40. Generally, people are pretty receptive. Obviously, it's very delicate to speak to some people who have undergone sexual trauma in the past. Again, since I'm a man, sometimes speaking to a woman who's had sexual trauma can be triggering. It's a very delicate way that you have to speak and sometimes there's some pushback or resistance. It can really be bad for the patient because they're having a problem and they're uncomfortable talking about it. There might be a shortage of female psychiatrists for me to refer to. We see that. There's also a portion of the population that's just generally uncomfortable with this, especially people who are more religious might be uncomfortable talking about this and you have to approach that from a certain angle. I happen to also be specialized in cultural psychiatry, so I deal with these things a lot, approaching things from a very specific cultural approach, culturally informative approach. Definitely, you see resistance in many populations. Kimberley: I think that that's so true. One thing I want to ask you, which I probably should have asked you before, is what would you say to the person who wants to try meds but is afraid of the potential of side effects? Is there a certain spiel or way in which you educate them to help them understand the risks or the benefits? How do you go about that for those who there's no sexual side effects, they're just afraid of the possibility? Dr. Aziz: As part of my practice, I give as much informed consent to my patients as I can. I let them know what might happen and how that's going to look afterwards. Once it happens, what would we do about it if it happened? A lot of times, especially patients with anxiety, you catastrophize and you feel this fear of some potential bad thing happening, and you never go past that. You never ask yourself, okay, well now let's imagine that happens. What happens next? I tell my patients, “Yeah, you might have sexual dysfunction, but if that happens, we can reduce the medications or stop them and they'll go away.” I also have to tell my patients that if they search the internet, there are many people who have sexual side effects, which didn't go away, and who are very upset about it. This is something that is talked about on Reddit, on Twitter. When my patients go to Dr. Google and do their research, they often get really scared. “Doctor, what if this happens and it doesn't go away?” I always try to explain to them, I have hundreds of patients that I've treated with these medications. In my practice, that's never happened. As far as I know from the literature, there are no studies that show that there are permanent dysfunctions sexually because of SSRIs.  Now, like I said, the research is not complete, but everything that I've read has been anecdotal. My feeling is that if you address these things in the beginning and you're diligent in asking about the side effects of baseline sexual function beforehand and you are comfortable talking with your patients about it, you can avoid this completely. That's been my experience. When I explain that to my patients, they feel like I have their back, like they're protected, like I'm not just going to let them fall through the cracks. That has worked for me very well. Kimberley: Right. It sounds like you give them some hope too, that this can be a positive experience, that this could be a great next step. Dr. Aziz: Yeah, absolutely. Kimberley: Thank you for bringing up Dr. Google, because referring to Reddit for anything psychologically related is not a great idea, I will say. Definitely, when it comes to medications, I think another thing that I see a lot that's interesting on social media is I often will get dozens of questions saying, “I heard such and such works. Have your clients taken this medication? I heard this medication doesn't work. What's your experience?” Or if I've told them about my own personal experience, they want to know all about it because that will help inform their decision. Would you agree, do not get your information from social media or online at all? Dr. Aziz: I have patients who come to me and they're like, “My friend took Lexapro and said it was the worst thing in the world, and it may or not feel any emotions.” I'm explaining to them, I literally have hundreds of patients, hundreds that I prescribe this to, and I go up and down on the dose. I talk to them about their intimate lives all day. But for some reason, and it makes sense, the word of their friend or someone close to them, really, carries a lot of weight. Also, I don't want to discount Reddit either, because I feel like it's as a support system and as a support group. I find other people who have gone through what you've gone through. It's very strong. Even pages like-- I don't want to say the page, but there's a page that's against psychiatry, and I peruse this page a lot because I have my own qualms about psychiatry sometimes. I know the pharmaceutical companies have a certain pressure on themselves financially, and I know hospitals have a certain pressure on themselves. I get it. I go on the page and there's a lot of people who have been hurt in the past, and it's useful for patients to see other people who share that feeling and to get support. But at the same time, it's important to find providers that you can trust and to have strong critical thinking skills, and be able to advocate for yourself while still listening to somebody who might have more information than you. Kimberley: I'm so grateful you mentioned that. I do think that that is true. I think it's also what I try to remember when I am online. The people who haven't had a bad experience aren't posting on Reddit. They're out having a great time because it helped, the medication helped them, and they just want to move on. I really respect those who have a bad experience. They feel the need to educate. But I don't think it's that 50% who gave a great experience are on Reddit either. Would you agree? Dr. Aziz: Right. Yeah. The people who are having great outcomes are not creating a Reddit page to go talk about it, right? Kimberley: Yeah. Thank you so much for answering all my questions. Is there a general message that you want to give? Maybe it's even saying it once over on something you've said before. What would be your final message for people who are listening? WHEN SSRIs IMPACTS YOUR SEX LIFE: ADVICE FROM DR AZIZ Dr. Aziz: I just want to say that when SSRI's impact your sex life, it's really important for psychiatry, and especially in therapy, that you feel comfortable sharing your experiences in that room. It should be a safe space where you feel comfortable talking about your feelings at home and what's going on in your intimate life and how things are affecting you. Your feelings, positive or negative towards your therapist or your psychiatrist, whether things they said made you uncomfortable, whether you feel they're avoiding something, that room should be a safe space for you to be as open as possible. When you are as open as possible, that's when you're going to get the best care because your provider, especially in mental health, needs to know the whole picture of what's going on in your life. Oftentimes, we are just as uncomfortable as you. And so, again, a lot of providers might avoid it because they're afraid of offending you by asking about your orgasms. As a patient, you take the initiative and you bring it up. It's going to improve your care. Try not to be afraid of bringing these things up. If you do feel uncomfortable for any reason, always let your provider know.  I always tell my patients, I have a therapist. I pay a lot of money to see my therapist, and sometimes I tell him things I hate about him. He's a great therapist. He's psychoanalytic. Every time I bring something up, he brings it back to something about my dad. He's way older than me. But he's a great therapist. Every time I've brought something like that up, it's been a breakthrough for me because that feeling means something. That would be my main message to everyone listening. Kimberley: Thank you. I'm so grateful for your time and your expertise. Really, thank you. Can you tell us where people can get in touch with you, seek out your services, read more about you? Dr. Aziz: Sure. I work for OCD SoCal. I'm on the executive board, and that's the main way I like to communicate with people who see me on programs like this. You can always email me at S, like my first name, Aziz, that's A-Z-I-Z, @OCDSoCal.org. If you're a USC student, you can call Student Health and request to see me at the PBHS clinic. That's the Psychiatry and Behavioral Health Services clinic on campus at USC. Kimberley: They're lucky to have you. Dr. Aziz: Thank you. Kimberley: Yes. I love that you're there. Thank you so much for all of your expertise. I am so grateful. This has been so helpful.

You guys, I am literally giggling with excitement over what we are about to do together.  Last year, we did a series, the first series on Your Anxiety Toolkit where we talked about mental compulsions. It was a six-part series. We had some of the best therapists and best doctors in the world talking about mental compulsions. It was such a hit. So many people got so much benefit out of it. I loved it so much, and I thought that was fun, let's get back to regular programming. But for the entire of last year after that series, it kept bugging me that I needed to do a series on sexual health and anxiety. It seems like we're not talking about it enough. It seems like everyone has questions, even people on social media. The algorithm actually works against those who are trying to educate people around sex and sexual side effects and arousal and how anxiety impacts it. And so here I am. No one can stop us. Let's do it.  This is going to be a six-part sexual health and anxiety series, and today we have a return guest, the amazing Lauren Fogel Mersy. She is the best. She is a sex therapist. She talks all about amazing stuff around sexual desire, sexual arousal, sexual anxiety. She's going to share with you, she has a book coming out, but she is going to kick this series off talking about sexual anxiety, or we actually also compare and contrast sexual performance anxiety because that tends to better explain what some of the people's symptoms are.  Once we go through this episode, we're then going to meet me next week where I'm going to go back over. I've done an episode on it before, but we're going to go back over understanding arousal and anxiety. And then we're going to have some amazing doctors talking about medications and sexual side effects. We have an episode on sexual intrusive thoughts. We have an episode on premenstrual anxiety. We also have an episode on menopause and anxiety. My hope is that we can drop down into the topics that aren't being covered enough so that you feel like you've got one series, a place to go that will help you with the many ways in which anxiety can impact us when it comes to our sexual health, our sexual arousal, our sexual intimacy. I am so, so, so excited. Let's get straight to it.  This is Episode 1 of the Sexual Health and Anxiety Series with Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy. Lauren is a licensed psychologist. She's a certified sex therapist, she's an author, and she is going to share with us and we're going to talk in-depth about sexual anxiety. I hope you enjoy the show. I hope you enjoy all of the episodes in this series. I cannot wait to listen to these amazing speakers—Lauren, being the first one. Thank you, Lauren. What Is Sexual Anxiety Or Sexual Performance Anxiety? Are They The Same Thing? Kimberley: Welcome. I am so happy to have you back, Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy. Welcome. Dr. Lauren: Thank you so much for having me back. I'm glad to be here. Kimberley: I really wanted to deep dive with you. We've already done an episode together. I'm such a joy to have you on. For those of you who want to go back, it's Episode 140 and we really talked there about how anxiety impacts sex. I think that that is really the big conversation. Today, I wanted to deep dive a little deeper into talking specifically about sexual anxiety, or as I did a little bit of research, what some people call sexual performance anxiety. My first question for you is, what is sexual anxiety or what is sexual performance anxiety? Are they the same thing or are they a little different? Dr. Lauren: I think people will use those words interchangeably. It's funny, as you say that, I think that performance anxiety, that word ‘performance' in particular, I hear that more among men than I do among women. I think that that might be attributed to so many people's definition of sex is penetration. In order for penetration to be possible, if there's a partner who has a penis involved that that requires an erection. I often hear that word ‘performance' attributed to essentially erection anxiety or something to do with, will the erection stay? Will it last? Basically, will penetration be possible and work out? I think I often hear it attributed to that. And then sexual anxiety is a maybe broader term for a whole host of things, I would say, beyond just erection anxiety, which can involve anxiety about being penetrated. It could be anxiety about certain sexual acts like oral sex giving, receiving. It could be about whether your body will respond in the way that you want and hope it to. I think that word, sexual anxiety, that phrasing can encompass a lot of different things. WHAT ARE SOME SEXUAL ANXIETY SYMPTOMS? Kimberley: Yeah. I always think of it as, for me, when I talk with my patients about the anticipatory anxiety of sex as well. Like you said, what's going to happen? Will I orgasm? Will I not? Will they like my body? Will they not? I think that it can be so broad. I love how you define that, how they can be different. That performance piece I think is really important. You spoke to it just a little, but I'd like to go a little deeper. What are some symptoms of sexual anxiety that a man or a woman may experience?  Dr. Lauren: I think this can be many different things. For some people, it's the inability to get aroused, which sifting through the many things that can contribute to that, knowing maybe that I'm getting into my head and that's what's maybe tripping me up and making it difficult to get aroused. It could be a racing heartbeat as you're starting to get close to your partner, knowing that sex may be on the table. I've had some people describe it can get as severe as getting nauseated, feeling like you might be sick because you're so worked up over the experience. Some of that maybe comes from trauma or negative experiences from the past, or some of it could be around a first experience with a partner really hoping and wanting it to go well. Sometimes we can get really nervous and those nerves can come out in our bodies, and then they can also manifest in all of the thoughts that we have in the moment, really getting distracted and not being able to focus and just be present. It can look like a lot of different things. SEXUAL AVOIDANCE Kimberley: That's so interesting to hear in terms of how it impacts and shows up. What about people who avoid sex entirely because of that? I'm guessing for me, I'm often hearing about people who are avoiding. I'm guessing for you, people are coming for the same reason. You're a sex therapist. How does that show up in your practice? Dr. Lauren: One of the things that can cause avoidance-- there's actually an avoidance cycle that people can experience either on their own or within a partnership, and that avoidance is a way of managing anxiety or managing the distress that can come with challenging sexual experiences and trying to either protect ourselves or protect our relationships from having those outcomes as a possibility. There used to be a diagnosis called sexual aversion. It was called a sexual aversion disorder. We don't have that in our language anymore. We don't use that disorder because I think it's a really protective, sensible thing that we might do at times when we get overwhelmed or when we're outside of what we call a window of tolerance. It can show up as complete avoidance of sexual activity. It could show up as recoiling from physical touch as a way to not indicate a desire for that to progress any further. It could be avoidance of dating because you don't want the inevitable conversation about sexuality or the eventuality that maybe will come up. Depending on whether you're partnered or single and how that manifests in the relationship, it can come out in different ways through the avoidance of maybe different parts of the sexual experience, everything from dampening desire to avoiding touch altogether.  Kimberley: That's really interesting. They used to have it be a diagnosis and then now, did they give it a different name or did they just wipe it off of the DSM completely? What would you do diagnostically now?  Dr. Lauren: It's a great question. I think it was wiped out completely. I haven't looked at a DSM in a long time. I think it was swiped out completely. Just personally as a sex therapist and the clinician I am today, I don't use many of the sexual health diagnoses from the DSM because I think that they are pathologizing to the variation in the human sexual experience. I'm not so fond of them myself. What I usually do is I would frame that as an anxiety-related concern or just more of a sexual therapy or sex counseling concern. Because I think as we have a growing understanding of our nervous system and the ways in which our system steps in to protect us when something feels overwhelming or frightening or uncertain, I think it starts to make a lot of sense as to why we might avoid something or respond in the ways that we do. Once we have some understanding of maybe there's some good sense behind this move that you're making, whether that's to avoid or protect or to hesitate or to get in your head, then we can have some power over adjusting how we're experiencing the event once we understand that there's usually a good reason why something's there. Kimberley: That is so beautiful. I love that you frame it that way. It's actually a good lesson for me because I am always in the mindset of like, we've got to get rid of avoidance. That's the anxiety work that I do. I think that you bring up a beautiful point that I hadn't even considered, which is, we always look at avoidance as something we have to fix as soon as possible. I think what you're saying is you don't conceptualize it that way at all and we can talk more about what you could do to help if someone is having avoidance and they want to fix that. But what I think you're saying is we're not here to pathologize that as a problem here. Dr. Lauren: Yeah. I see it, I'm trained less in the specifics. I think that makes a lot of sense when you're working with specific anxiety disorders and OCD and the like. I've, as of late, been training in more and more emotionally focused therapy. I'm coming at it from an attachment perspective, and I'm coming at it from somewhat of a systemic perspective and saying, what is the avoidance doing? What is it trying to tell us? There's usually some good reason somewhere along the way that we got where we are. Can I validate that that makes sense? That when something is scary or uncertain or you were never given good information or you really want something to go well and you're not sure about it, and it means a lot to you, there's all kinds of good reasons why that might hit as overwhelming. When we're talking about performance anxiety or sexual anxiety, really the number one strategy I'm looking for is, how can we work with what we call your window of tolerance? If your current comfort zone encompasses a certain amount of things, whatever that might be, certain sexual acts with maybe a certain person, maybe by yourself, I want to help you break down where you want to get to and break that into the smallest, manageable, tolerable steps so that what we're doing is we've got one foot in your current window of what you can tolerate and maybe just a toe at a time out, and breaking that up into manageable pieces so that we don't keep overwhelming your system. That is essentially what my job is with a lot of folks, is helping them take those steps and often what our nervous system needs to register, that it's okay, that it's safe, that we can move towards our goals. Cognitively, we think it's too slow or it's too small. It's not. We have to really break that down.  If there's something about the sexual experience that you're avoiding, that is overwhelming, that you're afraid of, what I do is validate that, makes sense that that maybe is just too much and too big all at once. And then let's figure out a way to work ourselves up to that goal over time. Usually, slower is faster.  WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE SEXUAL ANXIETY?  Kimberley: I love that. I really do. Why do people have sexual anxiety? Is that even an important question? Do you explore that with your patients? I think a lot of people, when I see them in my office or online, we know there's a concern that they want to fix, but they're really quite distressed by the feeling that something is wrong with them and they want to figure out what's wrong with them. Do you have some feedback on why people have sexual anxiety?  Dr. Lauren: I do. I think it can stem from a number of experiences or lack thereof in our lives. There are some trends and themes that come up again and again that I've seen over the years in sex therapy. Even though we're taping here in the US, we're in a culture that has a lot of sexuality embedded within the media, there is still a lot of taboo and a lot of misinformation about sex or a lack of information that people are given. I mean, we still have to fight for comprehensive sex education. Some people have gotten explicitly negative messages about sex growing up. Some people have been given very little to know information about sex growing up. Both of those environments can create anxiety about sex. We also live in a world where we're talking openly about sex with friends, parents teaching their children more than just abstinence, and going into a little bit more depth about what healthy sexuality looks like between adults. A lot of that is still not happening. What you get is a very little frame of reference for what's ‘normal' and what's considered concerning versus what is par for the course with a lifetime of being a sexual person. So, a lot of people are just left in the dark, and that can create anxiety for a good portion of those folks, whether it's having misinformation or just no information about what to expect. And then the best thing that most of us have to draw on is the Hollywood version of a very brief sex scene. Kimberley: Yes. I was just thinking about that. Dr. Lauren: And it's just so wildly different than your actual reality. Kimberley: Yeah. That's exactly what I was thinking about, is the expectation is getting higher and higher, especially as we're more accessible to pornography online, for the young folks as well, just what they expect themselves to do. Dr. Lauren: That's right. We have young people being exposed to that on the internet. We've got adults viewing that. With proper porn literacy and ethical porn consumption, that can be a really healthy way to enjoy erotic content and to engage in sexuality. The troubling thing is when we're not media literate, when we don't have some of the critical thinking to really remember and retain the idea that this entertainment, this is for arousal purposes, that it's really not giving an accurate or even close depiction of what really goes on between partners. I think it's easier for us to maintain that level of awareness when we're consuming general movies and television. But there's something about that sexuality when you see it depicted in the media that so many people are still grappling with trying to mimic what they see. I think that's because there's such an absence of a frame of reference other than those media depictions. SEXUAL ANXIETY IN MALES VS SEXUAL ANXIETY IN FEMALES  Kimberley: Right. So good. Is there a difference between sexual anxiety in males and sexual anxiety in females? Dr. Lauren: I think it can show up differently, certainly depending on what role you play in the sexual dynamic, what positions you're looking to or what sexual acts you're looking to explore. There's a different level or a different flavor of anxiety, managing erection anxiety, managing anxiety around premature ejaculation. They're all similar, but there's some unique pieces to each one. All of the types of anxiety that I've seen related to sex have some common threads, which is getting up into our heads and dampening the experience of pleasure not being as present in the moment, not being as embodied in the moment, because we get too focused on what will or won't happen just moments from now.  While that makes so much sense, you're trying to foretell whether it's going to be a positive experience, there is a-- I hate to say like a self-fulfilling prophecy, but there's a reaction in our bodies to some of those anxious thoughts. If I get into my head and I start thinking to myself, “This may not go well. This might hurt. I might lose my arousal. I might not be able to orgasm. My partner may not think I'm good in bed,” whatever those anxious thoughts are, the thoughts themselves can become a trigger for a physical reaction. That physical reaction is that it can turn on our sympathetic nervous system, and that is the part of our body that says, “Hey, something in the environment might be dangerous here, and it's time to mobilize and get ready to run.” What happens in those moments once our sympathetic system is online, a lot of that blood flow goes out of our genital region, out of our chest and into our extremities, to your arms, to your legs. Your body is acting as if there was a bear right there in front of you and your heart rate goes up and all of these things. Now, some of those can also be signs of arousal. That's where it can get really tricky because panting or increased heart rate or sweating can also be arousal. It's really confusing for some people because there can be a parallel process in your physiology. Is this arousal or is this anxiety?  CAN ANXIETY IMPACT AROUSAL? CAN ANXIETY IMPACT SEX DRIVE?  Kimberley: It's funny that you mentioned that because as I was researching and doing a little bit of Googling about these topics, one of the questions which I don't get asked very often is, can anxiety cause arousal? Because I know last time, we talked about how anxiety can reduce arousal. Is that something that people will often report to you that having anxiety causes them to have sexual arousal, not fight and flight arousal? Dr. Lauren: Yeah. I mean, what I see more than anything is that it links to desire, and here's how that tends to work for some people because then the desire links to the arousal and it becomes a chain. For many people out in the world, they engage in sexual activity to impart self-soothe and manage stress. It becomes a strategy or an activity that you might lean on when you're feeling increased stress or distress. That could be several different emotions that include anxiety. If over my lifetime or throughout the years as I've grown, maybe I turn to masturbation, maybe I turn to partnered sex when I'm feeling anxious, stressed, or distressed, over time, that's going to create a wiring of some of that emotion, and then my go-to strategy for decreasing that emotion or working through that emotion. That pairing over time can definitely work out so that as soon as I start feeling anxious, I might quickly come to feelings of arousal or a desire to be sexual. Kimberley: Very interesting. Thank you. That was not a question I had, but it was interesting that it came up when I was researching. Very, very cool. This is like a wild card question. Again, when I was researching here, one of the things that I got went down a little rabbit hole, a Google rabbit hole, how you go down those... Dr. Lauren: That's never happened to me. WHAT IS POST-SEX ANXIETY?  Kimberley: ...is, what about post-sex anxiety? A lot of what we are talking about today, what I would assume is anticipatory anxiety or during-sex anxiety. What about post-sex anxiety? What is post-sex anxiety? Dr. Lauren: I've come across more-- I don't know if it's research or articles that have been written about something called postcoital dysphoria, which is like after-sex blues. Some people get tearful, some get sad, some feel like they want to pull away from their partner and they need a little bit of space. That's certainly a thing that people report. I think either coexisting with that or sometimes in its place can be maybe feelings of anxiety that ramp up. I think that can be for a variety of things. Some of it could be, again, getting into your head and then doing a replay like, was that good? Are they satisfied? We get into this thinking that it's like a good or bad experience and which one was it. Also, there's many people who look to sex, especially when we have more anxiety, and particularly if we have a more predominantly anxious attachment where we look to sex as a way to validate the relationship, to feel comforted, to feel secure, to feel steady. There's a process that happens where it's like seeking out sex for comfort and steadiness, having sex in the moment, feeling more grounded. And then some of that anxiety may just return right on the other end once sex is over, and then you're back to maybe feeling some insecurity or unsteadiness again. When that happens, that's usually a sign that it's not just about sex. It's not just a sexual thing. It's actually more of an attachment and an insecurity element that needs and warrants may be a greater conversation.  The other thing is your hormones and chemicals change throughout the experience. You get this increase of bonding maybe with a partner, oxytocin, and feel-good chemicals, and then they can sometimes drop off after an orgasm, after the experience. For some people, they might just experience that as depressed mood anxiety, or just a feeling of being unsettled. Kimberley: That's so interesting. It makes total sense about the attachment piece and the relational piece, and that rumination, that more self-criticism that people may do once they've reviewed their performance per se. That's really helpful to hear. Actually, several people have mentioned to me when I do lives on Instagram the postcoital dysphoria. Maybe you could help me with the way to word it, but is that because of a hormone shift, or is that, again, because of a psychological shift that happens after orgasm? Dr. Lauren: My understanding is that we're still learning about it, that we've noticed that it's a phenomenon. We're aware of it, we have a name for it, but I don't know that we have enough research to fully understand it just yet. Right now, if I'm not misquoting the research, I believe our understanding is more anecdotal at this point. I would say, many different things could be possible, anything from chemical changes to attachment insecurities, and there's probably things that are beyond that I'm also missing in that equation. I think it's something we're still studying. HOW TO OVERCOME SEX ANXIETY, AND HOW CAN WE COPE WITH SEX ANXIETY?   Kimberley: Very interesting. Let's talk now about solutions. When should someone reach out to either a medical professional, a mental health professional? What would you advise them to do if they're experiencing sexual anxiety or performance anxiety when it comes to sex? Dr. Lauren: That makes a lot of sense. That's a great question. What I like to tell people is I want you to think of your sexual experiences like a bell curve. For those who were not very science or math-minded like myself, just a quick refresher, a bell curve basically says that the majority of your experiences in sex are going to be good, or that's what we're hoping for and aiming for. And then there's going to be a few on one tail, there's going to be some of those, not the majority, that are amazing, that are excellent, that really stand out. Yes, mind-blowing, fabulous. And then there's the other side of that curve, that pole. The other end is going to be, something didn't work out, disappointing, frustrating. There is no 100% sexual function across a lifetime with zero hiccups. That's not going to be a realistic goal or expectation for us.  I always like to start off by reminding people that you're going to have some variation and experience. What we'd like is for at least a good chunk of them to be what Barry McCarthy calls good enough sex. It doesn't have to be mind-blowing every time, but we want it to be satisfying, of good quality. If you find that once or twice you can't get aroused, you don't orgasm, you're not as into it, one of the liabilities for us anxious folks, and I consider myself one of them having generalized anxiety disorder my whole life—one of the things that we can do sometimes is get catastrophic with one or two events where it doesn't go well and start to jump to the conclusion that this is a really bad thing that's happening and it's going to happen again, and it's life-altering sort of thing. One thing is just keeping this in mind that sometimes that's going to happen, and that doesn't necessarily mean that the next time you go to be sexual that it'll happen again. But if you start to notice a pattern, a trend over several encounters, then you might consider reaching out to someone like a general therapist, a sex therapist to help you figure out what's going on.  Sometimes there's a medical component to some of these concerns, like a pattern of difficulty with arousal. That's not a bad idea to get that checked out by a medical provider because sometimes there could be blood flow concerns or hormone concerns. Again, I think we're looking for patterns. If there's a pattern, if it's something that's happening more than a handful of times, and certainly if it's distressing to you, that might be a reason to reach out and see a professional. Kimberley: I think you're right. I love the bell curve idea and actually, that sounds very true because often I'll have clients who have never mentioned sex to me. We're working on their anxiety disorder, and then they have one time where they were unable to become aroused or have an erection or have an orgasm. And then like you said, that catastrophic thought of like, “What happens if this happens again? What if it keeps happening?” And then as you said, they start to ruminate and then they start to avoid and they seek reassurance and all those things. And then we're in that kind of, as you said, self-fulfilling, now we're in that pattern. That rings very, very true. What about, is there any piece of this? I know I'm disclosing and maybe from my listeners, you're probably thinking it's TMI, but I remember after having children that everything was different and it did require me to go and speak to a doctor and check that out. So, my concerns were valid in that point. Would it be go to the therapist first, go to the doctor first? What would you recommend? Dr. Lauren: Yeah. I mean, you're not alone in that. The concerns are always valid, whether they're medical, whether they're psychological, wherever it's stemming from. If after once or twice you get freaked out and you want to just go get checked out, I don't want to discourage anybody from doing that either. We're more than happy to see you, even if it's happened once or twice, just to help walk you through that so you're not alone. But the patterns are what we're looking for overall.  I think it depends. Here's some of the signs that I look for. If sex is painful, particularly for people with vaginas, if it's painful and it's consistently painful, that's something that I would recommend seeing a sexual medicine specialist for. There are some websites you can go to to look up a sexual medicine specialist, someone in particular who has received specialized training to treat painful sex and pelvic pain. That would be an indicator. If your body is doing a lot of bracing and tensing with sex so your pelvic floor muscles are getting really tight, your thighs are clenching up, those might be some moments where maybe you want to see a medical provider because from there, they may or may not recommend, depending on whether it's a fit for you, something called pelvic floor therapy. That's something that people can do at various stages of life for various reasons but is doing some work specifically with the body.  Other things would be for folks with penises. If you're waking up consistently over time where you're having difficulty getting erections for sexual activity and you're not waking up with erections anymore, that morning wood—if that's consistent over time, that could be an indicator to go get something checked out, maybe get some blood work, talk to your primary care just to make sure that there's nothing in addition to maybe if we think anxiety is a part of it, make sure there's nothing else that could be going on as well. HOW TO COPE WITH SEX ANXIETY Kimberley: Right. I love this. This is so good. Thank you again. Let's quickly just round it out with, how may we overcome this sex anxiety, or how could we cope with sex anxiety? Dr. Lauren: It's the million-dollar question, and I've got a pretty, I'll say, simple but not easy answer. It's a very basic answer. Kimberley: The good answers are always simple but hard to apply. Dr. Lauren: Simple, it's a simple theory or idea. It's very hard in practice. One of, I'd say, the main things I do as a sex therapist is help people really diversify what sex is. The more rigid of a definition we have for sex and the more rigidly we adhere to a very particular set of things that have to happen in a particular order, in a very specific way, the more trouble we're going to have throughout our lifetime making that specific thing happen. The work is really in broadening and expanding our definition of sex and having maybe a handful of different pathways to be sexual or to be intimate with a partner so that, hey, if today I have a little bit more anxiety and I'm not so sure that I get aroused that we can do path A or B. If penetration is not possible today because of whatever reason that we can take path C. When we have more energy or less energy, more time, less time, that the more flexibility we have and expansiveness we have to being intimate and sexual, the more sexual you'll be. Kimberley: Just because I want to make sure I can get what you're saying, when you say this inflexible idea of what this narrow you're talking about, I'm assuming, I'm putting words in your mouth and maybe what you're thinking because I'm sure everybody's different, but would I be right in assuming that the general population think that sex is just intercourse and what you're saying is that it's broader in terms of oral sex and other? Is that the A, B, and C you're talking about?  Dr. Lauren: Yeah. There's this standard sexual script that most people follow. It's the one that we see in Hollywood, in erotic videos. It centers mostly heterosexual vaginal penetration, so penis and vagina sex. It centers sex as culminating in orgasm mainly for the man, and then nice if it happens for the woman as well in these heterosexual scenarios. It follows a very linear progression from start to finish. It looks something like—tell me if this doesn't sound familiar—a little bit of kissing and some light touching and then some heavier touching, groping, caressing, and then maybe oral sex and then penetration as the main event, orgasm as the finish line. That would be an example of when I say path A or B or C. I'm thinking like that in particular what I just described.  Let's call that path A for not that it's the gold standard, but it's the one we draw on. Let's say that's one option for having a sexual encounter. But I also want people to think about there's going to be times where that is not on the table for a variety of reasons, because if you think about it, that requires a certain energy, time. There might be certain conditions that you feel need to be present in order for that to be possible. For some people, it automatically goes to the wayside the moment something happens like, “Well, I don't feel like I have enough time,” or “I'm tired,” or “I'm menstruating,” or whatever it is. Something comes up as a barrier and then that goes out the door. That can include things like anxiety and feeling like we have to adhere to this progression in this particular way. Let's call that path A. Path B might be, we select a couple of things from that that we like. Let's say we do a little kissing and we do oral sex and we say goodnight. Let's say path C is we take a shower together and we kiss and we soap each other's backs and we hug. That's path C. Path D is massaging each other, full body. You've got all these different pathways to being erotic or sensual or intimate or sexual. The more that you have different pathways to being intimate, the more intimate you'll be. Kimberley: That is so relieving is the word I feel. I feel a sense of relief in terms of like, you're right. I think that that is a huge answer, as you said. Actually, I think it's a good answer. I don't think that's a hard answer. I like that. For me, it feels like this wonderful relief of pressure or change of story and narrative. I love that. I know in the last episode you did, you talked a lot about mindfulness and stuff like that, which I will have in this series. People can go and listen to it as well. I'm sure that's a piece of the pie. I want to be respectful of your time. Where can people hear more about you and the work that you're doing? I know that you have an exciting book coming out, so tell us a little bit about all that. Dr. Lauren: Thank you. I do. I co-authored a book called Desire. It's an inclusive guide to managing libido differences in relationships. I co-authored that with my colleague Dr. Jennifer Vencill. That comes out August 22nd, 2023 of this year. We'll be talking in that book mainly about desire. There are some chapters or some sections in the book that do intersect with things like anxiety. There's some particular instructions and exercises that help walk people through some things that they can do with a partner or on their own to work through anxiety. We've got an anxiety hierarchy in there where whatever your goal might be, how to break that up into smaller pieces. We're really excited about that. I think that might be helpful for some people in your audience. And then in general, I am most active on Instagram. My handle is my full name. It's @drlaurenfogelmersy. I'm also on Facebook and TikTok. My website is drlaurenfogel.com. Kimberley: Thank you. Once again, so much pleasure having you on the show. Thank you for your beautiful expertise. You bring a gentle, respectful warmth to these more difficult conversations, so thank you. Dr. Lauren: Oh, I appreciate it. Thanks for having me back.

This week Stephanie and Travis clarified the “body count” conversation. Is talking about the amount of people you've slept with necessary? Why as a culture do be deem certain professionals as asexual? Teachers and politicians are also sexual beings like the rest of us. Since sex sells and Stephanie and Travis receive numerous inquires about how to communicate about sex, this episode focuses on just that. Similar to the five love languages, Stephanie discovered there are five sex initiation styles. What is spontaneous desire and what is responsive desire? How can understanding these in your relationship make initiating sex more successful. Lastly, does orgasm have to be the goal of every time you have sex? Podcast mentioned: ¿Quién Tú Eres? Podcast @plurawlSex Therapist mentioned: Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy @drlaurenfogelmersy

"Best Of" week 3 with a steamy conversation all about the bedroom and the power of sex in relationships. We knew this was an episode that needed to be shared again as it meant so much to us. Enjoy...! Ready to find out how to create healthy relationships IN and OUT of the bedroom? Leanna and Jared welcome clinical psychologist and sex therapist, Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy to talk about her expertise in working with couples, both on their relationships and relationship to sex. Dr. Fogel Mersy goes into detail about Gottman theory and how it works in navigating the health of a relationship. She describes what the four horsemen are, how they can negatively affect relationships and the antidotes needed to keep the relationship alive, including how to approach someone with a complaint, how to soothe yourself when you're feeling "flooded" and how to keep the relationship bank in balance. Dr. Fogel Mercy also discusses some common problems that bring clients in for sex therapy, including, low sexual desire, unbalanced sexual desires in the relationship, performance anxiety and specific work with LGB and trans clients. The three then wrap up the conversation with some fun questions about orgasms! Leanna and Jared also catch up as they discuss their current romantic status', Leanna's new job and an in-depth conversation about the "bush". Make sure to follow Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy on instagram @drlaurenfogelmersy. Be a part of our community by becoming a Patreonie and get exclusive bonus content plus a 15% discount on merch: www.patreon.com/helloandgoodbyepodcast Thank you to our sponsor VeeFresh for providing products that empower women to take back their vaginal health! Visit www.veefresh.com and use code HELLO2022 at checkout for 10% off your first order. Represent our podcast with merch, including t-shirts, cropped sweatshirts, stickers, mugs and socks! www.helloandgoodbyepodcast.com/shop Connect with us on social: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/helloandgoodbyepodcast/?hl=en Twitter: https://mobile.twitter.com/hello_bye_pod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/helloandgoodbyepodcast/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpPYR8LlleRFTQ_uOGrOC7A?view_as=subscriber Head to our website to our website to check out all of our offerings in one location: www.helloandgoodbyepodcast.com Podcast and music produced by: dustinlaumusic@gmail.com

This episode is sponsored by Evive! Receive 30% off your smoothie order now! https://bit.ly/3lNSV7m code: kenziebrenna30 What happens if you and your partner have mismatched libido's? What is a libido anyways? And what if we can only get off with toys? We talk about ALL of this with psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy. Follow Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drlaurenfogelmersy/ Produced by Brett Kibbler

One thing is for certain, and two things for sure, is that each relationship with will experience some form of conflict. BUT, it's not a comfortable topic and many of us aren't particularly skilled in conflict resolution. In fact, we often avoid it. Join Dr. Wendasha and sex therapist Dr. Lauren as they discuss the four communication styles that can kill a relationship and how to overcome those barriers to have a thriving relationship. Featured Guest: Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy is a clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist practicing in Minneapolis, Minnesota. She specializes in sexual health issues such as low sexual desire, libido mismatches in relationships, arousal difficulties, orgasm difficulties, and sexual pain. She is also trained in Gottman Method Couples Therapy to help people improve their relationships. Connect with Dr. Lauren: Instagram: @drlaurenfogelmersy Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drlaurenfogelmersy

Certified Sex Therapist, Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy joins us in another episode of the Ask The Expert series. She answers your FAQs including who can benefit from sex therapy services, desire discrepancies, and we discuss if a healthy sexual relationship needed for a healthy relationship.  She also shares tips on fostering sex positive families and discusses the importance of having these conversations early on.  Follow Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/drlaurenfogelmersy/ Websites mentioned: Sex positive families: https://sexpositivefamilies.com/ To search for a certified sex therapist in your area visit: https://www.aasect.org/ The content on The Mindful Corner Podcast should not be taken as medical advice.  The content here is for informational purposes only, and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. You are encouraged to consult your doctor concerning your specific health condition and because each person is unique, please consult your healthcare professional for any medical questions. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider leaving an honest rating and review. Want to share your story or know someone who does? Email us at: themindfulcornerpodcast@gmail.com Business inquiries: derikavelez@gmail.com Make sure to follow The Mindful Corner's Instagram Page & submit your questions for the next Ask the Expert series: https://www.instagram.com/themindfulcorner/    

Let's talk about sex, baby! Let's talk about you and me...and how it's related to our health. Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, psychologist and certified sex therapist joins me as we explore all things sex, sexuality and the mind body connection. Dr. Lauren shares her thoughts on sexual shame, the harm of sexual gender roles/narratives, and using mindfulness and breathing to reconnect with our bodies. She introduces the idea of intimacy dates with ourselves/partners and how we can incorporate sex into our self-care practice.  Dr. Lauren is currently practicing in Minneapolis, MN where she specializes in sexual health concerns, relationship therapy, and gender health. She is currently working on her first book about libido. She is active on social media and can be found on Instagram: @drlaurenfogelmersy.

As a Licensed Psychologist, Certified Sex Therapist, and Relationship Therapist, working passionately to treat various sexual health concerns both from the psychological and medical standpoint, our guest, Dr. Lauren Fogel-Mersy, believes in a holistic approach, reaching for a more balanced way of healing for herself and her clients. A wealth of knowledge on all things related to relationship and sexual well-being, she's also a woman standing strongly in her own story of striving for mental wellness. In this episode we explore the different methods and techniques she applies at her clinic, including the Gottman Method for Couples Therapy, Behavioral, Mindfulness, Polyvagal, and Sensate Focus therapies. With her work she asks us to grow toward becoming more conscious lovers, friends, and family member. As this episode unwinds she relays how to navigate self and co-regulation, the five stages of relationship, libido, masturbation in relationship, and bringing more kink into the bedroom. Our hopes are that this episode brings you closer to feeling safe, loved, and understood, both in and out of relationship.  Book recommendations: •The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman  •Eight Dates by the Gottman's MAJic Tricks: •When did you stop dancing? Singing? Being enchanted by stories? •Gottman Method on how to resolve conflict in relationship. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-majic-hour/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.