Smart Sex, Smart Love with Dr Joe Kort

In this powerful episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love, Dr. Joe Kort sits down with world-renowned trauma expert, psychiatrist, and author Dr. Frank Anderson. Together, they explore the many forms of trauma—relational, cultural, global, and more—and how our responses, not just our experiences, shape our healing journeys. Dr. Anderson opens up about his personal transformation, the writing of his memoir To Be Loved, and the deep belief that love and connection can heal trauma. You'll hear insights on: Why trauma affects everyone differentlyThe role of love, connection, and environment in trauma recoveryInternal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and why it worksHow confronting your perpetrator—at the right time—can be transformationalWhy healing isn't linear, but it is possibleDr. Anderson's personal journey, professional insight, and heartfelt message remind us that no one is broken—and that healing is not only possible, but a path to living a more authentic, purpose-driven life.

You can build the body you want and live a healthy lifestyle with a few simple changes, says Amadeo Aram, a sports and exercise professional, certified personal trainer, and online fitness coach who works with gay men all over the world to help them build the body they always have dreamed of. It's not complicated to achieve your goals, he emphasizes.  Born and raised in Berlin, Germany, Aram conducts trainings online with his “tribe” of gay men – his community of like-minded individuals who face many of the same struggles when it comes to body image and health. Aram got into the business of helping other gay men reach their fitness goals because he himself had his own struggles as a young man. He found working out in the gym helped him overcome his fears and shortcomings, boosted his self-esteem and made him feel good “in so many ways,” he says.  In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Aram talks about some of the biggest mistakes men (and women) make when setting fitness goals, how you can stay fit at any age, and why it never is too late to start a fitness routine. “It is not complicated or overwhelming when trying to stay in shape and healthy with the right routines, practices and habits,” he professes. 

In this insightful episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love, host Dr. Joe Kort welcomes Dr. Ronald Hellman, a distinguished psychiatrist and pioneer in LGBTQ+ mental health advocacy. Together, they delve into the concepts of "homosexism" and "sides," challenging longstanding cultural assumptions about gay male sexuality.Dr. Kort and Dr. Hellman discuss the evolution of the term "side"—coined by Dr. Kort to describe gay men who prefer sexual activities other than anal intercourse—and how it has gained acceptance across dating apps and the broader LGBTQ+ community. Dr. Hellman shares his academic perspective on homosexism, a form of prejudice that narrowly defines gay male sex as exclusively involving anal intercourse, while invalidating other forms of erotic intimacy. He emphasizes that research spanning over a century shows that oral sex and mutual masturbation are actually more common among gay men than anal sex.The conversation also explores how media portrayals, outdated medical assessments, and a lack of proper education reinforce these misconceptions, negatively impacting self-esteem and sexual identity within the gay community. Dr. Hellman calls for more accurate representations of male intimacy and greater awareness across all spectrums of sexuality.Listeners will gain a deeper understanding of the diversity of sexual expression, the importance of validating different experiences, and the need to dismantle cultural biases in both popular media and healthcare. Dr. Hellman also hints at his upcoming book, Loving Arrangements, focused on open relationships, due out from Rutgers University Press in 2025.

In this episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love, Dr. Joe Kort interviews Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, and Dr. Jennifer Vencill dive into the complexities of sexual desire discrepancies between partners. They discuss the differences between libido, sexual desire, and sex drive, emphasizing that sexual desire discrepancies are common and should be normalized rather than pathologized. The episode highlights two types of libido: spontaneous and responsive, and how cultural narratives often misrepresent sexual experiences. The experts provide insights on how partners can navigate these discrepancies, focusing on communication, understanding individual motivations, and exploring pleasure beyond traditional scripts. Listeners are encouraged to embrace diverse sexual experiences and to seek resources that reflect their unique situations. The episode aims to educate and empower individuals and couples to foster healthier sexual relationships.

In this first episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love's fifth season, Dr. Joe Kort talks with Jay Kaplan, an attorney for the ACLU of Michigan's LGBTQ+ Project. Jay shares insights on the Trump 2.0 administration's executive orders affecting LGBTQ+ rights, particularly policies targeting transgender individuals.They discuss the removal of LGBTQ+ references from federal websites, restrictions on gender-affirming care, and the reinstatement of the transgender military ban. Jay explains the legal challenges being filed to stop these policies and how they impact civil rights.The conversation also covers how the LGBTQ+ community can respond, the importance of unity, and the broader impact of these policies beyond transgender individuals. Jay encourages listeners to stay informed, speak up, and support advocacy efforts.

“For a while, we thought we were a fluke in the system,” announces Samantha Wynn Greenstone, a social media influencer and actor who “came out” less than two years ago about her unconventional marriage to a gay man. Through social media communications with Smart Sex, Smart Love host, Joe Kort, Greenstone and her husband, Jacob Hoff, finally were able to “label” their relationship as “mixed orientation.”  The couple fell in love, were married last November, and have been talking about their monogamous relationship – a “soulful connection” – as Hoff describes it, in People Magazine, The New York Times and social media. “It was a pivotal moment to finally take the leap and decide to share our story,” says Hoff during this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. It's natural for the couple to be under critical eyes when they chose to go public with their story. Greenstone is straight, and she knew Hoff was gay soon after their friendship began eight years ago. People don't believe they can be monogamous; they suspect Hoff will be (or has been) unfaithful, they label him bisexual and not gay, they say the marriage is a sham, they believe conversion therapy is involved, they assume Greenstone couldn't find a straight man to marry … and the theories go on and on because most people are skeptical that a straight woman and a gay man can be in a loving, monogamous relationship. The reality of this mixed orientation marriage is that it is working very well, and the couple is in love, happy, content, secure and completely committed to each other. “Jacob shows up for me more than anyone has ever shown up for me in my life,” Greenstone says. “He makes it clear how important I am to him every day and how much me being in his life means to him. Any doubt in my head is gone. He is in it for the long run.” Listen to my podcast to learn about the “pure love story” of Samantha Wynn Greenstone and Jacob Hoff and how mixed orientation marriages can be successful. 

“I remember my dad telling me when I was 12 or 13 that I was too old to play with toys,” reports internationally known Barbie collector Jim Taylor. He opened Season 4 of Smart Sex, Smart Love by talking about why he began collecting Barbies, and now is the proud owner of more than 3,000 dolls. “I played with traditional boy toys growing up,” he points out. “I loved transformers.” As he got older, his desire to play with toys never diminished. Finally, when Taylor was well into his 20s, he decided, “I can do what I want, and I'm going to buy toys if I feel like it.” He has no “scientific” process for doll collecting. “Some people collect celebrity dolls; others collect ball gown dolls or Kens. Buy what you love, and you will love your collection,” he announces. “It's what makes me happy.” He urges others: “Follow your bliss. I no longer say to myself, ‘you're a grown man, you can't buy that.' Buy yourself a doll if it makes you happy!” Learn more about doll collecting and Jim Taylor's story in this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. 

“I wanted to call my book, Go F**** Yourself, but I didn't think the publishing world would accept it or get it,” laughs Eric Sprankle, PhD, author of DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation. The professor of clinical psychology and co-director of the sexuality studies program at Minnesota State University in Mankato was a guest on my Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. He talked about his DIY book, which debunks dozens of century old myths about masturbation that many still believe today. Here's a glimpse into his book and my podcast:The devil tempts people to masturbate. These sexual black magic demons enter your life and influence you to masturbate, which is a sin. Not true.Porn-induced erectile dysfunction is a real diagnosis. Not true.Masturbating will bring you to an early grave. Also not true.Dr. Sprankle discusses these myths in detail and shares a lot more on the subject of masturbation, jackoff clubs, safe anus insertion practices, and enjoying masturbation moments without shame or guilt. 

“If suffering is at the very core of the trans experience, what do we have to look forward to?” questions Rae McDaniel, a non-binary, therapist, coach, and transgender diversity and inclusion educator. “I think the world is better when we all get to be our authentic self, free from shame and guilt.”McDaniel is the author of a book, “Gender Magic: Live Shamelessly, Reclaim your Joy and Step into your Most Authentic Self,”a first-of-its-kind practical guide to achieving gender freedom with joy, curiosity and pleasure for transgender and non-binary individuals, gender explorers and those who love them.Born a girl, McDaniel found this identity was too limiting, but they didn't identify as a man either. “I identify very much in the middle. Everyone has their own way of defining their gender, and everyone deserves to find their authentic self with joy, not suffering,” they announce in this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. “It's not about gender transition; it is about gender freedom,” McDaniel discusses. The book is relevant for trans, non-binary and cisgender individuals who want to understand what gender freedom is, and live the life that truly is authentic to them.To hear McDaniel's story and what you can do to live with gender freedom, listen to this podcast. 

Christine DeLozier, a food expert, research scientist and licensed acupuncturist, combined all of her talents to produce a book entitled, “Diet for Great Sex: Food for Male and Female Sexual Health.” You can have great sex if you eat certain foods and reduce consumption of other foods, her research shows. During my Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, DeLozier talks about how great sex is much more than being with the right person and being in the right mood. Throw in the right foods and watch your sexual pleasure skyrocket, she finds. Sex is better when we have good blood flow, which generates strong and rapid nerve conduction to our genitals, her research reveals. Our goal is to awaken our sexual health pathways by achieving the trifecta, DeLozier calls it. Improved blood flow, hormonal balance and nerve condition are the great sex trifecta, she has learned. Spinach operates on all three of these. It is one of the best foods for great sex, she tells her clients. To learn what you can eat to pump up your sex drive, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast.

“When I was in my first year of medical school, I finally came out to my homophobic dad and it did not go well,” announces Ron Holt, DO, a board certified psychiatrist, author and advocate for LGBTQ+ rights. “I never want anyone to go through my traumatic experience,” and that is why Dr. Holt is such a relentless champion for the LGBTQ+ community. He has presented talks nationally for more than 15 years on the consequences of bullying, suicide risk reduction, access to quality health care for the LGBTQ+ population, and how to provide a safe and welcoming clinical and mental health environment for his community. In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Holt shares his personal story of growing up as a closeted gay man and the mental health issues resulting from no support, how rural and religious communities often do not provide an accepting environment for the LGBTQ+ population, how this population can find quality health care, and opening doors to help the LGBTQ+ community. I call Dr. Holt “Mr. Resource” because he knows how to find resources for every person and every issue. Listen in. You will find our conversation fascinating, educational, informational and emotional. 

Professor Eric Schrimshaw has conducted extensive research on a variety of topics related to the LGBTQ+ population, including HIV prevention and treatment, the use of pornography by gay and bisexual men, men involved in sex work online, and most recently, on behaviorally bisexual men, a topic we discussed in this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. In this particular study, the research team focused on men who identify themselves socially as heterosexual, but they reported in the study that they are having sex with men and women, including their wives and girlfriends who do not know they are having sex with men. These behaviorally bisexual closeted men have made a conscious decision not to disclose. Listen to my podcast to learn more about behaviorally bisexual men and how their secret can affect them. 

Alex de la Cruz started his career in advertising and moved into product design, specializing in drinkware and dinnerware for some of the largest retailers in the country. After 15 years, he felt stagnate and needed a change. His creativity, innovation and own traumatic personal journey led to the beginnings of Bator Balm, a men's edging lubricant that enhances the bating experience and has strengthened a sense of community among bators. In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Alex tells his story of masturbation shame, how he overcame it, how Bator Balm has become a household name among bators, and why he organizes the annual Sausage Fest in Las Vegas. 

Sex, romance, death and divorce are just four of the subjects the Old Gay Guys explore during this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. Bill Lyons, 79; Jessay Martin, 70; Robert Reeves, 80; and Mick Peterson, 67; like to call themselves the “Old Gay Guys,” but that doesn't even come close to describing who they are and the impact they have made on literally millions of lives! The four friends modeled for Men's Health, and “we dropped our pants” when we were asked,” they all laugh about their first “exposure” to celebrity status. They were introduced through Grindr and then began TikTok messages in late 2021. Today, they log some 10.5 million followers on TikTok and close to one million on Instagram. Their audience is mostly women under the age of 35. Asked why they think their biggest fans are the younger generation, they responded, “young people look up to us; they understand our struggles and what we've been through and how it affects their own future.”In this podcast, the Old Gay Guys tell their story, freely discuss their sex lives, help dispel the myths of aging, and talk about their recently released book, “The Old Gays' Guide to the Good Life.” 

Since the pandemic, sexual empowerment has increased 30 percent and sexual self-esteem now is 50 percent higher. Why the change, and is this good? Searah Deysach, a sex educator and owner of Early to Bed and Trans Essentials, answered those questions and many more in my recent Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. “COVID changed our lives quickly and abruptly,” she begins. “Suddenly we were forced to spend time alone, or alone with our partner. “We were talking about our relationship more and what we wanted; we had to verbalize our thoughts, feelings and desires more often.”Deysach owns a sex toy shop, and she saw a huge surge in sex toy purchases during the pandemic, she reports. People were exploring and accessing new avenues of pleasure, she found. “This can't help but build self-confidence.”How can couples keep open communication going? Dr. Kort asked her. “Practice. We are taught not to talk about sex, so start small, and be specific about what you like,” Deysach says. “Most people who are worth having sex with should want to communicate and want feedback,” she notes. In the podcast, Deysach also shares her advice for helping people feel more comfortable in the bedroom. To hear her tips and more about Deysach's background and why she opened a sex toy store, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast.

Conventional wisdom tells us it takes two people with an equal commitment to save a marriage. Winifred Reilly does not share that way of thinking, and she can prove it. Living in a 10-year static marriage, she applied her therapeutic skills to her own relationship journey. More than 35 years later, her marriage is stronger than ever, she continues to use these techniques very successfully in her therapy practice, and she has written a book, “It Takes One to Tango,” which demonstrates how to rescue a marriage with almost no help from your spouse. In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Reilly, a licensed marriage and family therapist for the past 40 years, talks about helping couples build strong, loving relationships – no matter how frustrated they are, or how long they've been stuck. One partner can lead the necessary steps to achieve far-reaching positive and sustainable change, even when the other partner does not join the effort. Once you let go of the “two to tango” paradigm, you are in a much more powerful position to affect change. Stop trying to change your partner and focus on what you can change about you that will make a difference in your relationship. To gain an in-depth understanding of “it takes one to tango,” listen to this podcast.

In my first Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast for Season 4, I opened it quite explosively with featured guest, Boyslut Zachary Zane, as he likes to be called.At the young age of 32, Zachary is quite accomplished. He is a Brooklyn-based columnist, sex expert, author and activist whose work focuses on sexuality, culture and the LGBTQIA community. Recently, he wrote a book, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto, and we talked about it – very openly, candidly and explicitly.Bisexuality has had very little visibility over the years, Zachary notes. “I felt so alone and so isolated; I didn't think bisexuality was real.” When Zachary started learning he was not alone and there was a huge, unnoticed community of bisexuals, “it was a voice not represented, and that is why I wrote the book, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto,” which describes his journey and how he was able to overcome his sexual shame. “If talking about sex is uncomfortable, good! It's time to start unpacking these feelings and talk about the subject … graphically and explicitly,” he announces.“Get loud and obnoxious about your bisexuality! We are real, we exist, and we are not alone! Shout it out! Sex can be so much more fun if we can reduce sexual shame!”To learn more about Zachary Zane and his bisexual journey, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, hosted by Dr. Joe Kort. 

Can a heterosexual woman unexpectedly fall in love with another woman? Can a gay man eroticize about a heterosexual woman? It is in our human capacity to respond to our sexuality even though society is not quite accepting of sexual fluidity. What exactly is sexual fluidity? According to Lisa Diamond, professor of Psychology and Gender Studies at the University of Utah, sexual fluidity is the capacity for flexible erotic responses. For the past 25 years, Dr. Diamond has studied the development and expression of gender and sexuality. She is best known for her research on sexual fluidity, and wrote a book entitled “Sexual Fluidity,” which received the Distinguished Book Award from the American Psychological Association's Society forthe Study of LGBTQ issues. In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Diamond talks about arousal and desire, and emotions and love, which are some of the components of eroticism, but the true mystery of sexual fluidity – why it happens, who experiences it and why – remains a mystery in many ways. In this podcast, Dr. Diamond discusses the extensive research she has conducted on sexual fluidity, and she shares her findings. Is there a gender difference? Are women more sexuality fluid than men? Aren't we “born that way” and we cannot change? Through the years, we have learned to see ourselves through such a small lens, Dr. Diamond reports. Let's take a wider look and see what we can learn! 

Nic Reveles, somatic sex educator and sexological bodyworker, has dedicated the past several years of his life to helping gay, bisexual and queer-identified men recover from the trauma imposed on their bodies by culture, church and family in a centuries' old attempt to control sexuality and sexual expression. “Coach Nic” developed Body Prayer to reclaim the Sacred for our Erotic Bodies. In his new profession – he was a reknown musician for more than two decades and then shifted careers to the Catholic priesthood before choosing sexological bodywork – he helps men learn to enjoy their bodies more, deepen their sacred body experience, and open up to the possibility of the erotic body. “You marry the ritual of the sacred with the erotic, the body and spirit, and it can be “really delicious,” he professes. Too many people feel shackled and don't even know how to ask the questions about their sexual erotic being, he finds. It can be as simple as touching a hand, but touching for many brings feelings of shame and guilt. Nic helps clients understand how touch works, explore touching in ways never tried before, and learn to love the sacred experience. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Coach Nic talks about how men can feel safe and comfortable about their sexual erotic being. 

Pornography is not an addiction; it is a way to escape from other issues in your life. In a recent Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Joshua Grubbs, PhD, a clinical psychologist and associate professor in the clinical psychology PhD program at Bowling Green State University, talks about addictions and how to gain a better understanding of them. He notes that research is exploding when it comes to understanding sex addiction … and whether it truly is an addiction. “The more we know about it, the more we need to know,” he finds. Not every problem we face is an addiction, he reports. Your problem is real, but it may not be an addiction, he has learned through extensive research. To find out more about the research of this internationally recognized expert on behavioral addictions, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast hosted by Dr. Joe Kort.

“Someone asked me to choke him for a fee, and that is how it all started,” reports Master Arch, a fetish worker, ProDom, fetish creator, death escort and financial fetishist. Master Arch has been on the scene a long time and has a great deal to share about the Findom fetish. Financial domination (also known as Findom) is now more widely accepted; it no longer is a passing fad, Master Arch points out during a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. It goes beyond fetish in the world of BDSM, and it is ethical, moral and therapeutic, Master Arch notes. “We discuss the terms of the relationship beforehand and have a meeting of the minds to ensure all transactions and actions are consensual. The client is ready to relinquish financial control to me and become my slave.” Like other BDSM activities, financial domination requires boundaries and communication, he adds.During this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Master Arch also discusses his work as a death escort – helping people who are looking for one last erotic experience – and how people can benefit from talking about fetishes. To learn more about how Master Arch has helped countless people through his work – which he does “very ethically,” he asserts, listen to this podcast.

Narcissists engage in behaviors that will keep the world around them more comfortable, and they will trap you into believing their way of thinking is the only way of thinking. You do not have to be a victim in their life of manipulation. You won't change a narcissist, but you can change how you handle yourself and cope more effectively with these situations. In a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Matt Phifer, a therapist and expert in toxic relationships, narcissism, trauma and emotional abuse, talks about understanding narcissism and codependency, and how to detoxify from toxic relationships. Healing is 100 percent on you, he emphasizes. We all need to be responsible for our own mental and physical health. The healthier we become, the less impact the narcissist will have on us. When we are immersed in the manipulative trap of a narcissist, it makes it even harder to find a way out. Start the healing journey today. The narcissist is not going anywhere and always will be looking for another victim. To learn how to understand narcissism so we can break free from being victimized and begin our healing journey, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast 

Women never gave up their claim; it was stripped from them, finds Kate Balestrieri, PhD, licensed psychologist and certified sex addiction therapist. Women can build resilience and lead the life they want – sexually and holistically. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Balestrieri talks about the challenges women face when it comes to sexuality, identity and vulnerability, and how they can reclaim their sexuality on their own terms.  Women often are treated in unwanted ways and society tolerates it, she professes. This is a challenge women constantly face. “Push back and punch down,” she advises women. Why are men allowed to demonstrate “weaponized incompetence,” she calls it, and expect women to be and do it all. “We end up being over functional to compensate for men's weaponized incompetence that they use against us, but they still expect us to perform in bed,” she says. In this podcast, she also talks about the Madonna whore complex, sex after trauma, slutting (“Go slut, go!” she announces), and the constant cat and mouse game women must play. It's time for women to have a positive, liberated and shame-free life. 

Heather McPherson is living her dream career. A multi-passionate entrepreneur, she has incorporated all of her loves into her business and is having the time of her life! A licensed marriage and family therapist supervisor, a licensed professional counselor supervisor, an AASECT and SHA certified sex therapist, the CEO and Founder of SHA (Sexual Health Alliance), the CEO of Respark Therapy and Associates, and a podcast host of Practice Outside the Lines, Heather is doing it all! In a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, she talks about her career path, how it all started and what she is doing today to help other sex therapists get the training they need and deserve. That is why she started the Sexual Health Alliance, which offers online certification trainings. The field is exploding, she finds, as a whole evolution in sexual mental health is emerging. 

Marriage and couples therapist Lynda Spann, PhD, knows firsthand the struggles two women may face in an intimate and romantic relationship. She also knows how to love in a way that frees her to be her true self, and, today, she works with all couples – different sex and same sex – to improve their relationship. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Spann talks about how different sex couples can learn from same sex couples how to have a healthy, loving relationship. Women traditionally are trained to take the role of nurturer, and when two women in a relationship are focused on that, “they can create an amazing relationship,” she finds. Women are people pleasers, they are peacemakers, they are accepting and supportive. Intimacy comes naturally. Same sex relationships not only are legitimate, but they also are worth emulating. So, how can a couple move into a place where they can be their own unique secure self and still be together as a couple and maintain a supportive, loving connection?

Your child comes home from school angry and upset. He throws a temper tantrum for seemingly no reason at all. You respond with the same anger and send him to his room in frustration. His bad behavior is not tolerable, so you punish him for his outburst.You and your daughter spend a fun day at the beach. When it is time to go home, she protests and starts screaming at you. She is not ready to leave and is not going to leave. The louder she yells, the angrier you get. By the time you are able to drag her to the car, you are emotionally exhausted and tell her this is the last time you are ever taking her to the beach.As a parent, is there a way to manage emotional outbursts successfully in our kids? Do our kids understand their emotions? They probably don't even know the words to describe feelings such as nervousness, anxiety, fear or worry.  During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Mina Blatt, a therapist with The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan, provides some strategies and advice for parents to help their kids understand and manage their emotions effectively.Grounding, breathing techniques and time outs are three of several ideas Mina explores during the podcast. She also talks about how parents can manage their own emotions better when their kids have uncontrollable outbursts. Remember, we are role models for our kids. They are always watching and learning from their parents' behaviors, Mina points out. To hear the entire Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast and pick up a few valuable tips on helping your kids manage their emotions 

Couples often are so focused on lasting long enough in bed that they end up experiencing performance anxiety and the shame and worry that accompanies those feelings. The result: a bad bedroom outcome. But this can change! During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Joe Kort talked with Jeff Abraham, CEO of Promescent, who offers some advice for lasting longer in the bedroom and having better intimacy. Anxiety is the number one reason therapists see individuals dealing with sexual dysfunction, and many express their worries about premature ejaculation. The bedroom experience should be stress-free, romantic, empowering, safe and full of explosive happiness. Sometimes, couples need some additional tools to make that happen. 

Crossdressing is not a gender; it's an action! Savannah Hauk, author, speaker and podcaster on the subject of demystifying the crossdressing experience, shares her thoughts and experiences as a crossdresser on a Smart Sex Smart Love episode. Savannah is a male-to-female dual gender individual supporting and promoting non-binary visibility. Her focus is letting every crossdressing person find their own confidence, expression, identity and voice. She frequently is asked why she chooses to crossdress … for kicks, as a hobby, to attract attention? “It is part of who I am,” she explains. It's time to plant new seeds, she adds. What we learned 20 years ago is old thinking. “We have lived with stereotypes that have defined us for years. We're supposed to be a man or a woman, not both, our society continues to tell us. I'm very comfortable being a man six days a week, but on Sundays, I go to Starbucks for coffee and work as Savannah.” In this podcast, she talks about how her life as Savannah impacted her relationships, what the new normal is for her, and how she finally discovered her true identity … and happily. To hear Savannah's story and her advice on living proudly and confidently as a crossdresser, listen to this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast 

Vulnerability in men can lead to isolation, depression and suicide. In fact, the suicide rate in men is four times more than women, and suicide is the seventh leading cause of death in men.Why are men afraid to share their vulnerability? And what can they do about it so they will feel empowered to lead a life of connection, openness and honesty? As young boys, males are taught not to shed tears because it is a sign of weakness. It is unmanly and unattractive, they've been told. It's time to break this cultural context! During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Love and Leadership Coach Shana James, talks about how men can create more balance in their life so they will feel free to share their vulnerability and feel less isolated and alone. She explores vulnerability as a strength in men, not a weakness. Men need to feel safe to explore and express their vulnerability, she asserts, but we've created a world that won't allow this to happen. Listen to Shana's podcast with Dr. Joe Kort on how men can begin to share their vulnerability and feel confident and powerful for expressing their feelings. 

Sensate focus isn't a new technique, however, do you know how to use it effectively to truly reconnect to your body and your sensual self?During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Linda Weiner, certified diplomate in sex therapy and author of a book entitled, “Sensate focus in sex therapy: The illustrated manual,” explains this mindful touching technique that can enhance your sex life. “You can turn off the chatter” in your mind and tune into your body to improve your sex life, she finds. The technique especially is beneficial for sexually distressed individuals. Sensate focus is a series of touching experiences that people can use for themselves to reconnect to their body and calm themselves or use with a partner to reduce pressure between the two and improve their sexual health. Deepening a sexual connection with your partner may mean focusing less on sexuality and more on the sensuality of touching. Turn off the thinking brain and turn on the primal brain, she asserts. In this podcast, Linda explains how to focus on mindful thinking to relieve anxiety, worry and sexual tension. She discusses the three components of sensate focus: temperature, texture and pressure, and how to use each to help with self-love and body acceptance. 

How do I know if I'm asexual? Do I even understand the word “asexuality?” During the Season 3 opening podcast of Smart Sex, Smart Love, Cody Daigle-Orians, an asexual writer and educator, shares his own personal experience of discovering his identity as asexual in hopes of helping others who are confused about finding the “label” that bests fit them.When you are not sure of what you are feeling, be sure of what you are not, he asserts.Cody came out as gay at the age of 18, but he knew that label really wasn't the right fit for him. He chose “gay” because at the time that was the recognized language. “I didn't understand what I was, but I clearly could see what I was not.” He knew he didn't relate to sex the same way as other gay men; in fact, he thought he was a broken gay man. Cody didn't experience sexual attraction, but he still wanted sexual pleasure. Three years ago, when he was 42, Cody came out again – this time as asexual. “It was such a wonderful moment for me to find my true, authentic self,” he announces.The language of asexuality, the labels, the definitions and the terms are tools, not tests, he emphasizes. These tools help you explain yourself to yourself and explain yourself to the rest of the world.  You also can learn more about asexuality by listening to Cody's Tik Tok messages under the name of @acedadadvice.

Approximately 84 percent of gay men say they feel under intense pressure to have a good body. Only one percent stated they were “very happy” with their appearance, and as they grow older, the body image struggles seem to intensify. Why are gay men hyper-focused on body image?Objectification, mattering, minority stress and gay ageism are contributors to a gay man's dissatisfaction with his body, studies have shown. In addition, Apps like Grindr only make it worse. Gay men are shamed, humiliated and discriminated against, and this can lead to mental health problems. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Greg Johnson, therapist with The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan, talks about the issue of poor body image and low self-esteem that many gay men are living with. He offers advice on how to overcome these issues – which often are rooted in their childhood, and how to start valuing and validating yourself as a gay man. He also will discuss objectification, mattering, minority stress and gay ageism and their contributing role in body image perceptions. 

Your sex drive has shut down. You're getting older, you've hit menopause, and you don't feel beautiful anymore. You do not have to be ghosted by your libido, says Sex Therapist Susana Mayer, PhD, during a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. Sexuality is ageless. Your body may be changing, but that does not mean your sex life is ending.You are in charge of your pleasure. If you feel your partner is not understanding the physical changes you are going through and how they are affecting your libido, have you talked about it openly and honestly? Women have a voice and need to use it; they need to talk about how menopause is affecting their sexuality so they can take some steps to regain the sexually active life they once enjoyed.You may feel unattractive and old, but your partner doesn't see you that way. Allow your partner to reassure you that your sex life is still good. You are not 20 years old anymore, so stop expecting your life – and your sex life – to be like it was when you were 20.There are three factors to consider when talking about your changing sex life:conscious coupling: everyone's sexual needs should be taken into considerationauthentic sex life: honor how each person feelscreating sexual pleasure: this can be ever-changingWomen need to develop a personal path to pleasure – their unique method and style of creating pleasure with an ever-changing body and following an ageless sex philosophy – the physical expression of intimacy taking into consideration emotional needs, aging bodies and health challenges.Think of your bed as a sandbox you played in as a child. You discovered limitless creative pleasure to do whatever you wanted. You can find that active, satisfying sex life again.

Can a polyamorous relationship work? Is monogamy the only relationship that can succeed? According to Certified Sex Therapist Martha Kauppi, beautifully functioning open relationships can and do work! Polyamory involves engaging in multiple romantic or sexual relationships with different people. These relationships will work, but couples must first put the right pieces in place to ensure a secure, successful, workable and healthy polyamorous relationship.Here are a few factors to consider before deciding if a polyamorous relationship is right for you, Martha shares.One partner may want an open relationship, but the other partner is dead set against it. One partner tried a polyamorous relationship in the past and it didn't work, so he/she is hesitant to try again. One partner breaks the relationship agreement.Couples don't know they need to set up “ground rules” to make the relationship work.One partner is worried the other partner may fall in love with his/her new partner.These are just a few concerns couples need to resolve before considering a polyamorous relationship, Martha explains during a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. First, begin building the polyamorous relationship structure – valuing your personal growth and always expressing your thoughts and feelings with transparency and honesty. Don't shy away from the tough questions and challenges. Ask the hard questions, have the difficult conversations, talk about the uncomfortable feelings. Hammer it out. Ultimately, you will find the answers you are looking for. Next, develop an agreement that both partners are comfortable with. Really be honest with yourself and your partner about what you want in this relationship. Can you make it work? Do you want to make it work? Are you agreeing to things because you want to be a partner pleaser or because you want to avoid conflict? In either case, the agreement – and the relationship – will not succeed because you are not being completely truthful. The agreement requires a lot of self-awareness. It won't work magically. Ultimately, together you can create an incredibly beautiful and strong relationship.Remember, to maintain a strong, open relationship, continue communicating, talk about issues as they surface so you can resolve them quickly, listen to what your partner wants and be receptive to making changes in the agreement.The agreement can be fluid, Martha points out. She encourages couples to check-in with each other often to make sure both partners still are comfortable with the agreement. If you want to renegotiate your relationship “contract,” be open to changing it as you learn more about this new relationship and how it is working. For example, maybe you've decided you don't want to know if your partner is seeing someone else, or you want a phone call if your partner decides to stay out all night. Add these to the agreement. The goal is to adjust the agreement, not break it. If you find you cannot keep the agreement, maybe you are not ready for a polyamorous relationship. Talk about that, too. It is important to build a secure, trusting relationship.Creating a polyamorous relationship agreement can be incredibly emotionally weighted, in fact, it can be scary as hell, but can do it if you are willing to work at it – just like any other relationship.

In hopes of helping other couples publicly transition easier, Sarah Scales, a licensed master social worker with The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan, shares her story as a pansexual woman married to a trans female.“I came into the relationship knowing my partner was gender fluid,” she begins in this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast.At first, the relationship was uncomfortable, not because of her partner's gender fluidity, but because they didn't know how to identify themselves publicly. Words like “we” became common descriptors as they tried to avoid he/she pronouns. This growing discovery of gender fluidity impacted both partners.“We had a lot of long, intense conversations on how to publicly transition,” Sarah says. “We both were closeted; it was a transition for me, too.” This was a huge challenge for the couple; when do they come out, how do they come out, and when do they stand up and speak and stand down and support? They had many talks about the transitioning process as well as their relationship. Trans partners also have to be mindful there are challenges for cis partners, too, Sarah points out.What is most important, she emphasizes, is to be true to who you are. “Gender wasn't part of it for me. It was the attraction. Focus less on gender and more on who that person is whom you love,” she believes.“The person in private I fell in love with initially wouldn't show that side to the world. I loved that person in private, but not so much the person who masked in public. It was stressful for both of us to live the masked life. I saw who she truly was and who she truly could be, but she was afraid to unmask.“For me, it was really powerful when my partner came out. I loved her even more.”Keep your label, Sarah emphasizes. Respect what a person chooses as their label. People choose a label that fits them.“I chose pansexual; I can be attracted to someone regardless of their gender and assigned sex at birth.”And do not out your partner if your partner isn't ready. Always defer to what the trans person wants.

Everybody is talking about anal sex … but are they really talking about it? During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Evan Goldstein, DO, a nationally renowned anal surgeon, talks candidly about anal sex, and how to do it successfully and experience a new heightened level of pleasure, while keeping it safe and clean.He started his surgical practice about 10 years ago focusing on everything anal. Dr. Goldstein is considered the preeminent expert and thought leader in this field, bringing the important issues surrounding sexual health to the forefront for all communities, and eliminating the stigma attached to anal sex.  Through working with a wide spectrum of individuals, he has learned they want to talk about anal sex but are uncomfortable starting the conversation. People don't understand the positive experience this can be. When they are ready to “talk about ass,” as he says, there are a few most frequently asked questions, such as “isn't the anus dirty?” Or, “is it safe?” Or, “is one person submissive?” Another question is about toys – “should we use them, will they get stuck, how do I know what size to use …?”First, it is all about sexual desire; about enjoying your sex life. Anal sex can take you to that next level of pleasure you haven't experienced before, he finds. Second, people just need some education before they attempt anal sex for the first time to make sure the experience is safe, injury-free and fun.Some simple anatomy lessons will help. So will information about the right toys to use, the right lube to use, the dilating process, how to douche adequately, and how to learn how to relax certain muscles so you can enjoy the experience fully.Anal sex can, and should be, very sexy, not mechanical.

*** USE promo code DRKORT1 for 15% off through July 14th at https://futuremethod.com ***Most people don't know they should bring science into the bedroom before having sex. That's why nationally renowned Anal Surgeon Evan Goldstein, DO, founded The Future Method, an innovative step-by-step approach to sex care. Backed by extensive scientific research, The Future Method consists of products developed by medical professionals to improve sexual health. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Goldstein talks about why the anus and anal area need to be treated with respect. As an anal surgeon for more than 10 years, he saw patients dealing with major health issues because of incorrect prepping before sex as well as aftercare. Over-douching, poor hygiene, damage to the anus, and incorrect use of sex toys are just a few issues he commonly sees in his medical practice.  For example, approximately 90 percent of people use tap water to prepare for bottoming, he points out in the podcast. Tap water and store-bought enemas cause damage to the cells inside your anus. Dr. Goldstein has created a solution for clean, confident sexual activity. He believes pleasure should be safe, healthy and “mind-blowing for everyone;” that is why he created the Future Method products. When was the last time you thought about using a moisturizing cream for your anus? Do you know why you should and what products are safe? Dr. Goldstein created one to soothe the damaged anal area, something not many of us probably ever worry about. Most of the damage is not from sex, he points out. It's from our stool or using bad toilet paper or sweating in your bottom area and letting the excess moisture stay in that area far too long. He has a solution to reduce the irritation and inflammation, and hydrate and soothe the anus. During the podcast, he offers scientifically researched advice on caring for your anus and anal area properly, such as:·      Ditch the wet wipes – they cause increased irritation·      Dry yourself off completely after a shower – the moisture in your anal area that sits there all day can lead to bacterial infections, fungal infections, dermatitis, rashes and micro-tears·      Don't over-douche – more is not better, especially when it comes to your anus

Let's take a moment to relive those days as children on the playground. Were you bullied, teased, or ridiculed? You probably remember some of those experiences like they happened yesterday. Years ago, you built walls of protection and silos of safety to make sure no one could hurt you. It's time to tear down those walls and silos and take the risk of going back to the playground again, say John Ball and Lisa Goyette. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. John and Lisa, founders of CH Training & Coaching, talk with Dr. Joe Kort about how businesses can create a more authentic and empathetic workplace “playground” by increasing relational intimacy through social and emotional intelligence.Social and emotional intelligence is the science of managing yourself and connecting with others. To do this, John and Lisa recommend using a new “life lens,” as they call it, to improve relational intimacy and healthy communication. Vulnerability, authenticity, resilience and adaptability are just a few of the tools needed to learn how to adapt your behavior based on an awareness of your emotions and the emotions of others. Even in the midst of our differences, we still can find a way to work together effectively, increase productivity in the workplace and develop a satisfying work life. We can do it in our personal life; we should be able to do the same in our work life.Step back and take a real look at who we are, John and Lisa advise. Look at our behaviors, our family, our “playground” experiences, and our relationships. Understand who we are as an individual, and how we judge ourselves and others. Preconceptions of people are made in the first 10 to 15 seconds.In the workplace, employees need to feel safe expressing their feelings; they want to be heard and they want to validated, not judged. It can be scary to tear down the walls and silos. You don't want to relive those playground days.

Unfortunately, we live in a world of either/or, with us or against us, conservative or liberal, for gay rights or against gay rights. In a Smart Sex Smart Love podcast, Lucie Fielding, sex educator, writer and therapist, challenges binary in every way. Can society and social culture ever break out of the world of binary thinking? This mindset is changing too slowly despite the increasing visibility of trans and non-binary folx. We need to step away from white cis folx and monogamy and step into a really queer space, she says in the podcast. It is okay to challenge the norms. Biology does not determine destiny. It's time to bring different energies, open up a whole new wheelhouse of “typical” sex, learn how to use your body for sexual pleasure in different ways, and create new possibilities that our culture has not previously allowed. Find your own landscape, she urges. 

There is an epidemic … people leading secret lives. It causes psychological and relationship mayhem. Your innate sexuality is your birth right, however, few claim it. In fact, many struggle most of their life searching for their authentic self instead of freely enjoying their sexuality, and expressing it honestly, consensually and shame-free. No matter how much you have struggled in the past with secretive, compulsive, unhealthy sexual behaviors, you still can learn to become sexually honest, authentic and fulfilled. Your current and future partners will be grateful you did. Galen Fous, master of transpersonal psychology (MTP), sex-positive therapist, author, educator and sex researcher, was a guest on Smart Sex, Smart Love with host Joe Kort, PhD, sexologist and psychotherapist. Galen talks about the collision of fear, shame and trauma with sexual development and desire. He encourages couples to shift from secrecy to honesty and confident expression of authentic desires. It is time to explore, share and enjoy your wildest sexual desires by releasing the wounds of shame, trauma and fear that have disconnected you from your authentic sexual self.

It remains taboo in the black community to seek mental health services. It feels unsafe, it is intimidating, and it is not the place to air your dirty laundry. These beliefs need to change, says Darcia Miller, a licensed master social worker with The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan. She knows they are true … not just by her work as a mental health therapist, but as an African American woman who was raised with these beliefs. And she also knows it is time to change these views. We are supposed to trust the mental health system because it helps people, it protects them and provides resources, but will it really be safe, will it really help African Americans? Generation after generation, black families have taught their children to be fearful of the world; don’t draw attention to yourself and your family. They constantly live in a survival mode. Will their child return home safely? Will the police show up unexpectedly at their house? Black families believe the world is an unsafe place, and these beliefs continue one generation after another. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Darcia discusses why it is difficult for African Americans to seek mental health services and provides some advice on how to overcome these issues and seek help when you need it. 

“For each rejection, I’m a better, stronger person.”Tylia Flores, disability activist and advocate, was born with Cerebral Palsy. Although her condition has affected her mobility, it never has altered her determination to make a difference in the world. Through her many challenges and obstacles, she discovered a passion for writing and chose to share her life experiences with anyone who will listen. In a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Tylia talks about dating and Cerebral Palsy and the lessons she has learned as a 25-year-old sexually active wheelchairbound woman with Cerebral Palsy.Self-love comes first, she strongly believes. It helps to deal with rejection in relationships, she has found from personal experience. Not every relationship ends like a Nicholas Sparks novel. Embrace the journey of dating and the experience of getting to know someone. It’s like layers of a cake: the first layer is trust, the second is communication and the third is love. Take your time savoring each layer.Maintain your boundaries, she recommends. As a “one chance kind of woman,” Tylia has no place in her life for cheaters, liars and scammers. She’s been scammed on online dating sites many times and has met men who fantasize about having sex with a woman in a wheelchair. Having Cerebral Palsy makes life a little more interesting, she finds.The world isn’t made for people like us, Tylia believes, especially when we face one obstacle after another in our life.Everyone’s dreams can come true, even those with disabilities, she preaches loudly.Cerebral Palsy does not define you. Life is 99 percent of how you react to challenges, and love comes in all shapes and sizes. Fall in love with yourself and keep moving forward. The rest is icing on the cake.

Why don’t we talk about sexual pleasure? Why are teenage boys taking Viagra?How can older adults continue to enjoy sex?At the Pornhub Wellness Center, these questions – and dozens more – are discussed honestly and openly and backed by evidence-based facts. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Joe Kort interviewed Laurie Betito, PhD, a clinical psychologist, sex therapist and Director of the Pornhub Wellness Center. The sexual wellness, sexual health and sexual education website was designed for people to learn about sex the right way. You won’t learn to drive by watching “The Fast and Furious;” why would you think you could learn about sex by watching porn, Dr. Betito asks.Sadly, people – often kids – seek out porn sites for education. That is what they will get – porn education, not sex education. Kids are curious about sex because they are not learning it in school or from their parents, so they will find it with just a few clicks on their computer or phone. And adults watch porn and worry, “this isn’t happening with me. What am I doing wrong?”During the Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Dr. Betito also talks about empowering people with their own sexual pleasure, having great sex into old age, and penetrative sex. People think if they are not having penetrative sex, they are not having sex. Sex needs a much wider definition. Sex is everything you do together that you wouldn’t do with your sibling. We are opening a door people don’t want to shut when it comes to learning about sex the right way. (Dr. Betito clarifies that Pornhub Wellness Center is a website for adults, not kids.)

It’s not conversation at the dinner table, but millions of people from all over the globe quietly are listening and learning about anal sex. It’s one of most talked about topics on social media, and a pleasure no one should be denied just because people think it is taboo, announces Dr. Carlton, a gastroenterologist from San Diego, California, who frequents TikTok to share his messages about anal sex. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, he discussed the anatomy of anal sex, how to prepare for it, how to take preventive measures to ensure a safe experience, and what the secrets are to making it a pleasurable experience – one he describes as “rockets going off.”So many people are embarrassed to talk about anal sex or ask questions about it, but let’s face it, most people want to know how to do it right, how to do it well, and how to do it safely. Who better to ask than a gay GI doctor? Everyone can – and should – enjoy anal sex – even women. And the G spot (there is one in anal sex) can be explosive. Remember to prepare for anal sex with lubrication; relaxation; lots of breathing; and light, slow pushing. Dr. Carlton shares many more secrets to having some of the best sex you’ll ever have through the anus.

How do you master midlife as a gay man? Do you see it as a time of crisis, or a time of new beginnings? Do you feel confused or empowered? Are you disoriented or excited?During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Buck Dodson, board certified life coach and licensed psychotherapist, talks about the core steps you can take to make this second coming out full of new possibilities, fewer problems and a real sense of freedom and authenticity.It is time to design your best midlife! As a gay man, you got a jump start when you came out of the closet and faced the challenge of discrimination, homophobia, exclusion and learning how to live in an often unaccepting heterosexual world. You had the “Gay Advantage.” Our lives as gay men essentially start over twice – when we come out of the closet, and when we reach midlife. What we faced as gay men will influence our midlife journey in distinct and different ways. We found the courage once; we can find it again. Sadly, many of us don’t realize how prepared we are for the midlife journey, and feel we’ve reached the end of the road. We have not. We are stepping into a time of life to tune into our soul spark, to find clarity in our life, and begin expressing the true person we are meant to be. We are connecting with our deepest and most authentic self – finally! Midlife mastery is about lasting pleasure, deep connection and true fulfillment. It is time to step into yourself and find your purpose instead of living under the influence of society’s norms or parental influence. 

I’ve heard the story so many times through the years …. a husband comes out of the closet, only to send his wife into it. Mixed orientation marriages and relationships are far more common than we realize, but our culture still considers them taboo. One spouse is gay or bisexual, one is heterosexual, and the... The post Mixed orientation marriages and relationships first appeared on PodcastDetroit.com.

“Marriage shouldn’t be this hard.” “Now that we are family, we should be getting along but we aren’t.” “We are in this for the long haul, but I don’t know if the long haul is worth the struggles we are encountering.” Approximately 67 percent of what couples argue about never goes away. And the baggage... The post Jessica Topor on marriage and family therapy first appeared on PodcastDetroit.com.

Conflict is natural in a divorce, but what happens to the kids in the midst of a brutal divorce battle? Parents are so fixated on “winning” the fight while their children stand on the sidelines confused, frightened and worried. Child-centered mediation can be a win for everyone. A child-centered mediator helps couples develop a collaborative... The post Jeanette von Grabe on child-centered mediation first appeared on PodcastDetroit.com.

Approximately 56 percent of men “admit” they use makeup. “Admit” is the key word. There seems to be a taboo associated with men’s cosmetics. Like sex, it’s something we don’t talk about it. But it IS time to talk. During a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, host Joe Kort, PhD, spoke candidly with Jon Shanahan,... The post Jon Shanahan on Men’s Cosmetics first appeared on PodcastDetroit.com.

Are you afraid to date someone with autism? Do you feel it will be like having sex with a “robot?” Do you think the sex will be bad and passionless, and your needs will not be met? Think again. Neurodiverse relationships can, and do, work. Ashley Grubbs, a licensed professional counselor who practices in Colorado,... The post Ashley Grubbs on Adult NeuroDiverse Relationships first appeared on PodcastDetroit.com.

Anal sex can be erotic, painfree and fun!   Anal sex is disgusting, it’s sinful, it’s wrong, it’s only for gay couples, it’s too painful, it won’t be pleasurable. Many individuals do not think of the anus as an erotic zone, but it can be.   In a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Mahmoud Baydoun,... The post Mahmoud Baydoun on Anal Sex first appeared on PodcastDetroit.com.