Bad Planning

Hi Linda,It's Thanksgiving and this file corrupted so I had to edit it again! But honestly I deserve it as a descendant from colonists on a holiday that literally celebrates colonialism??? Like come on you guys. Anyway, enjoy this last full episode before we do our traditional reflection episode next week! We talk about everything under the sun and it's a little disjointed but we think you'll enjoy it

I just can't y'all. 30 minutes from now you won't need a description, suck it up.

Are you going to understand this title? Probably not, but it's not our responsibility at this point. Use your imagination

Hi Kevin,Welcome to the first episode of #NO(THEME)BER, the month where we free ourselves from thematic cages and do whatever the hell we want. Fuck ya. It's also the month of brevity, so here are the cameos:The tenuous dynamics between the ego, id, and superego of Quill's local coffee shopThe dire need to look crusty, dusty, and musty in your caffeinated watering hole Trying to saran wrap the deep crevices out of your fugly concentration face so that you can look fuckable to your barista crushCircle jerking into each other's successive cups of coffee, snorting coke, and talking to the Spanish Consulate... all things you do in DC coffee shopsHaving access to the nuclear codes but still messing up coffee orders The sounds of New York overstimulating you but at least you're drinking from a difficult mug Quill casting a giraffe-size shadow over his local coffee shopDrink every time we say 'local coffee shop'Coming to a local coffee shop near you,Bad Planning Podcast (@badplanningpod@gmail.com)Email us or no iced latte for you

Hi Saturn,What a cute celestial name. Anyway, it's hell week for both of us so here are the cameos from the episode where we talk about spooky art to close out #OCTOOKY:Audrey's love for scary children's book illustrationsShe lost 30 lbs but it's because she's been trapped in a trunk dead for 30 years #whatsthatsmellUs figuring out how shadows operate in today's societyDisheveled hair doing the mostThe cheeked-up nature of Saturn's son from that one Goya painting #notwiththosehips #sitongoyasface #mentalhealthawarenessWe hope you like art history,Bad Planning badplanningpod@gmail.com(email us or Goya's going to eat your entire ass in front of your whole family

Hi Matt......................First of all, fuck you. Second of all welcome to the penultimate episode of OCTOOKY!! In today's episode, Quill and Audrey shoot the spooky shit and talk about everything under the full moon, including gossip, machetes, and punchable offenses. Honestly, it's a great social commentary and you should be so lucky to get advice from flawless queens like us. We have never made a mistake and our faces are distinctly un-punchable.Cameos include kind of a lot of things:the positive correlation between those who don't like horror and those who haven't done inner work #cognitivebehavioraltherapy #ifyoudon'tlikehorrormoviesyoudon'tseemethrowing shade at an unnamed ex #matt #hisnameismatt the real scary thing about scary movies in a theater being getting shot #america #usa #patriotismtraumabonding through horror movies

Hi Stella. Whatever you do… don't break into the basement of that old fucking mansion in your culdesac, take the book that is bound in human skin, and then be surprised when reading it kills all your closest family and friends. This is 2023. Anyway, welcome back to #OCTOOKY! In this episode, Quill and Audrey dive into the movie adaptation of what the American Library Association dubbed 'the most criticized book among parents in the '90s'—Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. If your idea of a good time is listening to two queens summarizing the plot of a movie badly and out of order, then this is the episode for you. Subscribe today for 20% off your next Viagra order with code #AmericanLibraryAssociation.Now that we're all confused, here are some cameos:Being jealous of the walkie-talkie vibes of the 60s - we were robbed A DEVASTATING  pierrot outfit, worn by a barely pubescent, sexually ambiguous 12-year-old boy Spiders crawling out of your cystic acneAuggie hating his mom and toes, generallyJocks taking their rage out on skin-covered scarecrows Religious trauma turning the DUFF into jailbaitAn ethnically ambiguous but pasty psych ward patient slow-walking towards a sticky embrace #thatfrockisdirty Moving further into the house towards the danger instead of getting the fuck out of the house #whitepeoplethingsMe-Tai-Do-Tee-WalkerOmg was Sarah not the bad guy?

Hi Chucky!!Welcome to the first episode of OCTOOKY, the month where the vibes are sinister but the stories are like a minister gently resting his hand on your leg during mass…If that didn't make sense to you, then idk what to tell you. It's called using your imagination.In today's episode, Quill & Audrey return to their roots and dive into the world of horror villains…but like into a pretty shallow pool because all we do is play a ranking game with said villains. In fact “dive” is probably not a super great word. It's more like “skim the surface with a series of hypotheticals.” But I think you get the fucking idea

Hello Floptina,We are devastated to inform you that this week's episode CASUALLY STOPPED RECORDING LIKE 15 MINUTES IN. In the LAST episode of REACTEMBER, we paid homage to the month by somehow managing to polish the steaming turd of mediocre app reviews into a cute and fun  time ONLY FOR IT NOT TO RECORD THE WHOLE THING

Hi Felicity, The next time you go to Tegucigalpa, consider flying out of the Denver Airport. Why, you ask? Because we know what you really want is to be met with frightening horse statues with glowing eyes and murals simultaneously celebrating Pride and The Third Reich. Werk.In our penultimate episode of #REACTEMEBER, Quill & Audrey close out the discussion on conspiracy theories. If you thought Melissa was crazy, wait till you hear about the lizard people under the Denver Airport. But in all seriousness, make sure the conspiracy theories you're consuming aren't anti-semitic and science-denying

Hi Melissa (if that's your real name...),Welcome to the second installment of Reactember! **A crowd of 16 consistent listeners goes wild**Join Quill & Audrey as they dive into the chaotic and (genuinely) dangerous world of conspiracy theories. Cameos include:Avril Lavigne's doppelgänger, Melissa (fake name)The entirety of Gen-Z being Melissa“I would gladly eat a bug to make you STFU for once” – Audrey, Eat Bugs AdvocatePigeons being the poster child for the Birds Aren't Real campaignPigeon-oriented Venn DiagramsStick around for part 2,Bad Planning (badplanning@gmail.com)email us or i swear to god

Hi Amy,Welcome to the first episode of REACTEMBER - where the media is toxic but, who are we kidding, so are we.

Hi Jacoby,"Let's make this episode about quotes." – Us, 2023.For those of you who scored below average on their SAT, this episode is about quotes. If that wasn't clear, someone needs to work on their deductive reasoning. (It's not us in case, in case someone REALLY needs to work on their deductive reasoning.)In the last episode of Scandalgust (sad...), Quill & Audrey play a game of "Who Said It?" where the rules are simple: guess which scandalous individual said the quote that the other person brought to the table. But to make it interesting, you have to pick from a list of scandalous individuals that is actually much longer than the number of quotes we have. Have you ever been less interested in a game? Because same.The cameos may or may not include:Caligula: Roman EmperorMartha Stewart: Retail businesswomanTony Hayward: “British businesswoman” according to Quill but for the record this is a manAnthony Weiner: Has certitudeIssa Rae: No introduction neededKristin Stewart: Actor, lesbianTyra Banks - America's Next Top Model, also a model, sometimes kind of a a bitch, but also…an icon, but Namoi did it betterRichard Nixon: AssholeHugh Grant: Sometimes ALSO kind of an asshole dude, British actorDoja Cat: Bitch I'm a cow, COVID pandemic extraordinaire, does a lot of songsFastidiously,Bad Planning (badplanningpod@gmail.com)email us or I swear to god

Hi Kim! Welcome to the penultimate episode of SCANDALGUST. Not going to lie, we weren't into it last week, but we've had a huge change of heart and now we're really sad to see her go. In today's episode, Quill & Audrey continue our deep dive into scandals of the internet and, you guessed it, they're just as tepid as the Pacific Ocean when global warming finally defeats her and we all die and join the billionaires next to the carcass of the Titanic #myheartwillgoon #willmyheartgoon #orwillitstopbecauseidrownedToday's cameos include:Laxatives

Hi Wanda, let's cut to the chase...we really don't want to do scandals anymore, but that sucks for us because we're knee-deep in SCANDALGUST and we have two more scandal-oriented episodes in the pipeline. #layingpipe #whatevenisapipeline #frackingIn today's episode, Quill & Audrey bring you scandals that are more lukewarm than the  water in your mom's home birth kiddie pool that she purchased from Dollar General #congratulations #that'salotofblood #bredthanddepth On that note, today's cameos include:Us losing $10k USD per episode Elitist hot tub swinger parties  An enthralling discussion on work husbands #sexydavidfromaccountingThe devil coming in many gendersA deep exploration in to the Brits' collective need to sweep things under the rug until it explodesUs dangerously toe-ing the line of when it is and isn't okay to sleep with your step siblingsCEOs putting the me in teambuilding and exuding small peepee energyMen being generally disappointing and ineffective in the workplaceUs getting INVESTED in the ins and outs of how, when, and why we are competitive in team building exercises Disingenuously, Bad Planning (badplanningpod@gmail.com)email us or I swear to god

Hi Janet! Listen, last week we talked about the audacity of White Men and this week we're basically talking about the exact same thing because it's the Media (+ Justin Timberlake lol). Welcome to the second installment of SCANDALGUST...the month where the weather is hot but the scandals are like the inside of a pepperoni Pizza Roll fresh out of the oven at your parents' Super Bowl Halftime Party in the early 2000s.Picture this...you're 7. You just got inside from a long day of running unsupervised through your cul-de-sac with a popsicle DRIPPING down your arm in the hot sun and now you're all sticky. Great. Now picture your sticky finger reaching for the remote to turn on Super Bowl XXXVIII (can we talk about how fucking annoying roman numerals are) when your father quite positively clotheslines you on his way to turn off the TV because of AN INNOCENTLY FREED NIPPLE on an even MORE innocent pop star named JANET JACKSON. Queen. In today's episode Quill recaps the dramatic and misogynistic response to a wardrobe malfunction on the national stage. If Justin's gonna have you naked by the end of this song then we're going to have you FIRED UP in red hot feminist rage by the end of this episode. Cameos include:Our four nipplesJanet's one nippleThe void-like lack of damage to Justin Timberlake's career post-nipple gateAn ironically OUT of sync sense of accountability from NSYNC's finest The media being MEAN, MEAN BITCHES, only caring about controlling women's bodies and taking away gay rightsScooter Braun's dirty-looking upper lip area In Janet's name we praise,Bad Planning (badplanningpod@gmail.com)

Hi Nan! WELCOME TO SCANDALGUST, the month where the weather is hot but the scandals are like bare legs going down a tin slide that has been sitting in the Georgia sun for DECADES. Did someone say tetanus-infected third-degree burns? I did. And I will again. (Synonym for "anyway"), in this inaugural episode of SCANDALGUST we thought we'd add to the steaming discourse of the many dangers of giving mediocre white men LOTS of unchecked power, as demonstrated by the current political climate of the United States...but also demonstrated by the Teapot Dome Scandal, which is what this episode is about lolol.Now that we wrote a whole dissertation about the fact that today's episode is about the Teapot Dome Scandal, here are the cameos from today's episode:Audrey almost dropping her very expensive law school iPad not once but twiceA political scandal involving a bunch of greedy, horny, mediocre white men…WHO IS SURPRISEDHarding's presidency giving damp dish towel…and BLOWHIOHarding being HARD for the ladies and basically dying due to the stress of being a SCANDALOUS QUEENAlbert Bartreese Fall"Can I get a side of cultural heritage" - QuillThe Republican National Committee doing classic RNC thingsQuill and Audrey taking “Which President Are You” quizzes and being absolutely chuffed by the resultBye.

Hello Citronella, did you forget about us? Of course you did, because we didn't get a single email from any of you over the three months we've been gone. Way to kick us while we're down on the ground choking on the absolutely CHUNKY air quality that has been plaguing the Northeast for the better part of this summer.Anyway, to kick off Season THREE, hosts Quill & Audrey share manifestations for S3, recap their summer adventures, and generally welcome you ungrateful, disengaged  motherfuckers back into our warm bosoms

Hi Bitches, we fucking did it. Season two is over. Fuck you guys (except the listener from Germany, we love you Frauline, please don't ever stop listening and please email us your actual name). Don't listen to this episode TOO MUCH because we don't want it to overshadow the other episodes of Season 2, which were FIRE, which is exactly what we discussed in this episode. We love a full circle moment. In simpler and more professional terms, we just spent this episode telling you our most and least favorite things about the season and gave you some behind the scenes TEA. We look forward to seeing you for SEASON 3 in August. Trust that we will be hotter, sweatier, super angry, and ready to fight.Tata for now. Xoxo Gossip Squirrel. See you next Tuesday. Auf Wiedersehen. Da. - Quill & Audrey

Hi Cliffany, in today's episode, join Tiffany & Biffany for the LAST episode of Sex Month (insert crying shitting and throwing up emoji here but also fire emoji, nails emoji, and knife emoji) where we discuss the 30,000 year history of sex toys as well as two pretty lame lists about what heterosexual people find sexy.Today's SENSUAL cameos include:Shit getting weird in 500 BCUs living for the Ancient Greeks being FREAKSHumans having a propensity for shoving other human-like things into our crevicesSex toy renaissance of 1300 AD Christ coming and saying “no sex for you”Cock rings made out of goat eyelidsUs complaining about BC & AD and having to live our lives around Christ all the timeA full haystack coming out of your urethra Francine the sex doll #RIP George Taylor, MD owing us a huge explanation The strap on being invented by a VENTRILOQUIST 1995 being the year of the Pig AND the year of the flesh light TLDR:  People have been and always will be horny, but what's important is that people care about their sexual empowerment more than their holes getting filled...but ideally both. Also, heterosexual people are boring, played out, and corny.In the words of Quill, "Tell me about the twinkle in my eye BEFORE you touch my butt."

Hi Fräuline, we're super fucking grumpy right now and don't want to spend too much time writing a description you couldn't care less about. Fuck you except for the person from Germany who listens to us every week - we love you so much. This episode is part II of last week's episode, which was part I of this week's episode, if you can believe it. We reacted to whatever sex stories we were able to find in under an hour and then took an intimacy quiz...what more do you want us to say?Anyway, you know the drill. Cameos include:Billowing foreskin & gorilla grip poontangGetting douched upon being a very interactive stripper choice Audrey confirming she has never sucked on someone's Prince Albert but would indeed vom if she got a whiff of the piercing smellQuill would rather have sex on a bed of wood chips than on his parents bedAudrey having to breakdown the mechanics of why couch sex is better for hip mobility #flexibleprivilege #cryptkeeperinthehipsThe transition between banter and sexy talk being Quill's happy placeAudrey subscribing Quill to https://www.sarasense.com/intimacyquizBYE SEE YOU NEXT WEEK FOR THE LAST EPISODE OF SEX MONTH. YOU'RE WELCUM

Hi Ann, join  Syphilis the Clap & Bethany Boils-On-Your-Ass for the second episode of Sex Month, brought to you by loose buttholes and even loose-er sex education guidelines in the United States. Can you say "proud to be an American?" because we can't. Anyway, in today's sexy episode we react to responses from Bad Girls Bible's succinctly-titled survey "1,012 People Explain Their Most Embarrassing Sex Stories,"  and review the sex education policies that Utah, Wyoming, New Jersey, and California are rolling out to this generation's kids. YikesssssThis episode's sexy cameos include:Audrey choking on her elixir. That's what you get for trying to better yourself. Quantifying qualitative data. The key to our hearts.Sexually burping sweet, gastrointestinal nothings into your partner's ear. In the words of Quill “I don't want you to burp in one of my holes” Audrey getting defensive over queefs Us being confused about accidental anal and society's overly-casual attitude towards it #looseb-holingitupinthesesheets #analfomoThe US teaching sexual refusal skills instead of CONSENTAnd in the most special cameo of them all, we do you a huge favor and bring back the song of the week with some ass clapping tunes from our own personal playlists.

Hi Euripedes, you wouldn't know it because you don't read our descriptions, but today's episode is the FIRST episode of Sex Month™,  a month where we talk about sex, much to our surprise. Join Quill & Audrey as they struggle to find historical figures who haven't committed horrific hate crimes in order to rank them from most to least sexy. Did someone include Joseph Stalin on their sexy list? We didn't, because he falls under the umbrella of hate-crime-committer (and also genocide), yet is widely-recognized as one of the hottest figures in history. Yikes.Cameos include:Teddy Roosevelt's bleached munch beard, diminished lung capacity, and penchant for squaresJacqueline Dufresnoy's superior beauty, trans activism, and Leo-like tendenciesMarie Antoinette's cantankerous audacity, headless body, and phat ass Tenzing Norgay being a tenacious short king who hikes with Hillary Clinton, and who will generously mount your Everest Helen of Troy's juicy ass launching a thousand ships. And that's on Helen. Cabanel's Fallen Angel, otherwise known as Lucifer, emotionally-intelligent gay icon with calves for DAYSK cool we're kind of over it, see you for the second episode of Sex Month™

Hi Clint, if you had even a shred of artistic sense you'd be able to tell from the title that this episode is about quotes. But for those of us who aren't members of the Gifted & Talented Program, we spend today's episode sharing quotes from a resplendent mix of historical figures.  Spoiler alert, we find out that every quote in history is dripping in context. duh Cameos include:Audrey & Quill getting wet about receiving letters from men, sans the part where they call you a ‘sweet little whore' by candlelight Audrey's dream buttcheek tattoo inspired by daddy of war, Sun Tzu: "formlessness" on the right and "soundlessness" on the left. Classy.People who think they know everything saying “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."Leviticus 6:9, Matthew 4:20; and Becky 4:8, the best chapters in  God's fictional novel, The Bible “I go to BU and my name's Clitty Lint” - Clint from BUProfessors wanting to dive headfirst into the depths of Quill and his whole aura, surrounded by the Irish landscape and multiple tipped-over sheep, with the entire class as a witness. Can you say Title IX?Let's hope one of our quotes makes it big some day, but it won't, will it? BECAUSE YOU DON'T READ OUR DESCRIPTIONS. 

Hi Edna, we want to thank you preemptively for your inevitable email to badplanningpod@gmail.com. We are steadfast in our commitment to bring you high quality content by sucking the bone marrow from your originality and using it to fuel our badly-planned episodes. ("Badly" is a shitty adverb but it's literally the name of our podcast) Wonderful. In today's episode, Quill & Audrey answer questions emailed in by our lovely listeners:Linda from Birtchfield, LincolnshireBarry from The IndependentCameron Sexton from NASHVILLE, NOT CROSSVILLE (fuck you Cameron)Tig Ol' Bitterson III (no idea where he's from)Mathilda Hurtlocker from Schweinfurt, GermanyBrittney Beyond Meat from The Frozen SectionSteven Biersack from Chunky, MississippiThanks to these loyal listeners, we have some gorgeous cameos from today's episode:Weight gain boobsUs staying on our white-lie-advocating bullshitBritish teeth & the royals (both bad)Audrey being big mad about Europe judging the US so hard and then proceeding to swiftly judge New Jersey with her whole beingUs agreeing to disagree on both New Jersey and SwitzerlandBrussel sprouts & methane gas Quill being a water-logged wrinkly bitch .A objectifying yet polite discussion on male body parts and their desirability 

Hi Bitch, this episode is about crystals and that's just what it is and idk what else you want from us. It couldn't be hotter right now when we're writing this. Literally, Boston and NYC are on fire and we don't have a/c, and what crystal solves that problem? IDK. Probably Consciousitems.com knows. Or maybe it's ice? No idea. Help us. The crystals in question for this kiddy-pool-level deep dive include Labradorite, Moldavite, Magnetite, Que Sera, and Obsidian.Cameos include:A crystal quiz turned "beach people" roast sessionHow to charge and cleanse your crystal from two bitches who don't know shit about crystals. But it's really about the intention if you paid attention to the episode Shitting on obviously whitewashed crystal information sources - TLDR: if it's from goop.com it's appropriatedUs trying our best to personify crystals............idkQuill's eventual black cat coincidentally named Obsidian What crystal do we use to magically record and plan the next 5 episodes because we're BEHIND? lol

Hi Name, listen, we burned through all of our pre-recorded episodes and now we're back in the trenches publishing episodes by the skin of our teeth. You're probably wondering "omg why aren't these going out at midnight?" The answer is you don't read our mf descriptions so how WOULD you know? Do you know who DOES know? ChatGPT.  Because ChatGPT knows everything, especially how to be obnoxiously politically correct while absolutely incinerating two unsuspecting podcast hosts who are just trying to have a good time. We were just trying to get Hannibal Lecter and Lucius Malfoy to fuck..IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR? JESUS CHRIST.Anyway!!!!!!! If you couldn't tell, the episode is about ChatGPT. Look alive.Here are the cameos:An actually HILARIOUS joke about Hellen Keller from ChatGPTUs continuing to harass you to read our descriptions ChatGPT waxing poetic about Monet XChange“DO YOU NEED RESOURCES?” - ChatGPT and your Freshman RA The 7th cholera outbreak ChatGPT being a major crocks h8er. But who can blame her?Us being completely roasted by ChatGPT at the end of the episodeOkay I think that's enough. See you next time!

Hi Sedona! Honestly, good luck to y'all listening to this episode because it couldn't be more all over the place. But hey, at least it's a short one. Cameos include:Being sponsored by the concept of wind & solar roadwaysRuthlessly dodging the walls of pee vapor in subways Banter, and all things 'witty foreplay'A harrowing story from Audrey about taking it too farA watertight argument for why March sucksBYE

Hi Absent Friend, this episode is sponsored by unsolicited advice™. In fact we're not even sure you could call this advice, but what are YOU gonna do about it? You don't even read the descriptions that we spend actual HOURS crafting in the dead of the night. Today, Quill & Audrey talk to you about advice. It's that simple. Join us as we take you from the r/Tinder Reddit Page to the writings of two prominent advice columnists: EGOT holder and internationally renowned Noble Peace Prize winner, Prudence as well as Amy, runner-up of Gobbler's Knob's Got Talent for second-best literary submission. Cameos include: Young Quill literally being first chair clarinet and then NOT SHOWING UP TO THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN PERFORMANCE SO EVERYONE WAS FUCKED LOLShady groupchat behavior. Imagine being met with deafening silence after adding to the collective jubilation about your friend's obscure but positive medical diagnosis. Wouldn't you also be confused? We are, and we wrote that sentence.Sara from Bumble opening with the driest question known to manSatanism and Gardenarian wiccaThe prospect of a room smelling like anal beads Our philosophy on messaging firstTo close out, we would like to strongly urge our audience never to begin a dating app conversation with just "hey''. There's literally nothing more deflating. The only thing more deflating than that is the fact that no one ever reads our descriptions. 

Hi Christian! Ironically this episode is not for Christians because idk we just aren't really down with the whole "oppress entire lightyears of people with your big phat sky daddy" thing.  In today's episode, Quill & Audrey take a closer look at what the actual fuck was going on in Ireland in approximately 400-500 A.D that brought about St. Patrick's Day.  In the words of Quill, pour yourself a steaming hot cup of Guinness for today's crash course in Irish Independence, Leprechaun Fashion Week, and Carol from alwaystheholidays.com — IYKYK, but you wouldn't know, would you? I'm honestly so done with putting in 99% of the work for NONE of your attention why are we even doing this.  Anyway, name a more iconic trio than that!!Cameos Include:St. Patrick. Literally where he was not supposed to be converting people who didn't want to be converted. Can you say #missionary #colonization #queenofenglandlol Canonization = the catholic church being like “what a hot bitch” A druid poem about St. Patrick that spills all of the tea St. Patrick's day playing an important role in the revolutionary period in Ireland - how smart does that sentence sound??The shamrock parable of the holy trinity really slapping for the Irish people The absolute plot twist that was Ireland/St. Patrick's day originally being associated with BLUE - GAGUs getting triggered back to the pinching nonsense in elementary schoolAnyway, this is where our closing sentence typically goes and we're OVER IT so we'll see ourselves out now. BYE. Oh yeah we should probably say Happy St. Patty's Day queens! Werk.

Hi Greta, guess who's back? It's us, the descendants of Baldassare Castiglione, here to read, almost verbatim, the Cut's hotly-debated new etiquette list, named as though we have one billion years to read the title alone: Do you know how to behave? Are you sure? How to text, tip, ghost, host, and generally exist in polite society today. One more time for the people in the back. The title is once again: Do you know how to behave? Are you sure? How to text, tip, ghost, host, and generally exist in polite society today.  We don't blame you if you missed it since it's the length of the Gettysburg Address. Pre-editing.  Lincoln is quaking.Cameos include:Us being lie advocates Lying being the path of least resistance and the most joyUs being edible arrangement stans The notion that not all girlies can have a super soaker 5000Quill bringing up harry potter AGAINUs bringing up our hatred for the voicenote feature AGAIN In the words of Quill "We're all just out here offending people until we find an equilibrium that's comfortable for us”

Hi Hansel, is it not obvious that this episode covers the shit we think is rude af? What's rude is that you don't ever read these descriptions anyway so why don't we get right to the cameos:Manners being altogether “a complex web of ifs and ors," societal icks, and just general metadata that tells us how much we hate the next personThe freshest news in Santa Barbara Baldassare Castiglione (hot and potentially bald)Anyways, in the words of the great artist Rihanna: "call me rude boy, boy, can you get it up?" 

Hi Sandra, in this episode we really said “let's not prepare anything and then choose quantum physics to riff off of” and you know what, I think it worked for us. Join Quill & Audrey as they discuss what Bad Planning & Schrödinger's Cat have in common. It turns out it a LOT. CameosDelay. If you like audio delays, this episode is for you #riversideeatmydick #ipayforthisservice Doja Cat's rhinestone look giving a human body being processed through a meat grinder

Hi, how do we even describe a trailer when it's literally in the name? It should be crystal clear, babe. This is a trailer for Bad Planning

Hi Chutney, this episode was honestly pretty chill and not that chaotic, which is interesting because the topic is Revenge, which is not chill and very chaotic. What do you want me to do about it, we don't have all the answers

Hi Erica! Ew, what's that smell? Is it love in the air? No, that's the stank of commercialized affection and insurmountable guilt for not getting your lover the biggest, bloodiest diamond on the market. In honor of Valentine's Day and all the jaded ex-lovers out there, we wanted to bring you something fresh, flirty, and steeped in ick. On today's episode, Quill & Audrey wax poetically about a plethora of icks, from a broad collection of hygiene icks, to icks that are so specific one may even call them esoteric. We sincerely hope that none of y'all are engaging in this leprous activity. No offense to lepers.Cameos include:The podcast delay ruining our vibe for the entire timeThe infantilization of body parts 3 in one shampoo being bad for your spiritTips and tricks about how and when to make yourself smaller to accommodate the people around you when it makes sense The atmospheric boom of a velcro wrist watch being undone

Hi Phyllis, it's us, your favorite podcasting moguls, Bad Planning. Much like the groundhog pre-February 2nd, we took a quick hibernation to #relaxandunwind and now we're ready to claw our way out of our den into the brilliant sunlight of February 2nd, ready for fame. Also, who decided February was going to be spelled like that?In today's episode, Quill & Audrey asked themselves “what whitespace in the Podcast Metaverse can we fill?” and landed on Groundhogs. How fresh and fun and flirty, what a choice. Cameos include:Alina and her sweeping, marmot-themed back tattooPhil the Groundhog being cockblocked by a band of Winston Churchill cosplayers Using your phat ass to determine the arrival of spring, not forced groundhog laborBig ol' hibernation tittiesWillie the sexy, Canadian white groundhog. Phil could never.Coke Zero being the everlasting life elixir for Phil - but not Phyllis lol bye PhyllisGobbler's Knob's Got TalentAn actual, literal cult. No joke.Love u

Hi Clarice, welcome to the LAST episode of Season 1 of the Bad Planning Podcast!! What a momentous occasion. Today we truly talk about everything under the sun so we hope you weren't looking for any discernible plotline.Cameos include:Chrysanthemum Jones and Lavender PufflesUs jumping right into Buzzsprout stats with no definition of what Buzzsprout even is Us suffering from colossal narcissismAnaphase, metaphase, and bananaphaseTwo souls combining in the time-space continuum Being offended by getting ghosted while actively ghosting Bye everyone! We love you and will see you on Groundhog's Day

Hi Genesis, pay attention because this is our PENULTIMATE episode of season 1. #5starreview #willberenewedforanotherseason #comingsoontoNetflixOkay, great. Today, in a stunning show of bloated self importance, Quill & Audrey  catastrophize themselves into a therapy session about what it's like to be content creators with 12 followers. As the father of modern psychology, Freud, said… literally no one cares.Lol anyway, we have writer's block so we can't think of a charming way to transition to the topic of the episode, but it's basically us answering mediocre random questions.Cameos include:Sophie's choice between a cat and a dog Quill's unproblematic description of the christmas spirit: A time that everyone, collectively in the space, decides is sacred. This is a sacred time and everyone is really in tune that this is a time to respect each other and be together. Audrey's dream of going into witpro to work at a bar in Dublin filled with charming and respectful Irish peopleQuill's unrequited love for Shark Boy Us deciding that judging a book by its cover is 100% a valid book-choosing strategy

Hi Skylar (or Skyler…tough name either way), have you ever wondered how many fucking words one needs to describe wine? Neither have we. But have you ever wondered about the legal IP battles going on behind the scenes of the artisanal dildo industry? Mmmm yeah neither have we. Anyway, that's what this episode is about, so enjoy! We know you aren't reading this description anyway, traitor.And just so you know, we took one for the team and cut some prettyyyy NSFW content out, but you WISH you could hear it. Do I smell a Patreon with only a dozen followers in the distance? Or is it Robert Parker, the world's most trusted authority on wine for over 30 years. Today's cameos includeQuill serving a sommelier's wet dream with some advanced vocabulary from a vineyard near you #fleshymouthfeelAudrey claiming she knows all of the wine terms and then not knowing any of the wine termsDeciding that artisanal dildos and glassblowing are similar niches in the art worldA walk-through of the shevibe website. Did I just hear someone say “a hammer dildo that's made out of recycled ocean plastic at 50% off?” Use code #greatatlanticgarbagepatch1000 for your very own Bad Planning™ discount at checkout

Hi Tess, today Quill and Audrey are making up for the overwhelming dissatisfaction of the final episode of #2W1C by bringing you an even scarier, devastatingly bleak cross section of the dating pool in today's network of doomscroll-y realness: dating apps. There are so many cameos in this episode that there's a varsity and JV team. Here they are:Varsity CameosAdvice for a 5'8” man who just wants his prostate examined. It's called having 6ft tall energy, Ryan.A man whose entire budget for emotional intelligence is actually tied up in stocks and bonds. Diversify your portfolio, Matt.A discourse king who wants you know where he stands on TERFS, SWERFS, and Nazis in Valhalla. #highkeystanA a dumb guy who claims to have dumb brain. It's giving weaponized incompetence. How did you even figure out Tinder then, Andrew?Quill almost ragequitting the podcast over a very specific list of Tinder no-nos. Whatever you do, do NOT claim to be a jack of all trades.JV Cameos (maybe try a little harder to not suck) A peek into the NYC gay clubs over halloween, from the perspective of an e-girl, non-Zelda elfAn accidental, impromptu review of Barbarian. In conclusion: it's not a hot date horror movie, especially on ediblesBillie looking kind of delicious in a cooking way. Hey king!Hating Arizona and Florida slowly becoming a brand pillar of this podcast. Absolutely couldn't apologize less. #spf100People listening to this podcast and not taking 7 seconds to leave a fucking review, am I right?

The spookiest thing about this episode is how chatty we were so if that's not your speed then MOVE IT ALONG, Josephine. This is kind of a boring episode, babe. It was supposed to be villain ranking, but we said we'll take snore. In this installment of #2W1C, we crawl with bloodied knees to the most underwhelming series finale you've seen. Anyway bitch, as though you're even reading this, let's just get to the cameos:An egregious, lack of cream cheese exposing the hole in the marketplace for backup cream cheese An unsolicited review of our past Halloween costumes, featuring Quill as a wet floor sign and Audrey as shimmery, galactic 2001 BritneyThe Red Room of Pain's stumpy buck-toothed cousin, The Blue Room of Emotional Torment™A glorious, beautiful hole, but a hole nonethelessHahahaihateitherehahahahaThank you for joining us for ¾ of our first ever Two Witches One Cauldron Series. You might say the cup is 75% full, we say leave a fucking review. Love you so much!!

Hi Leilani, welcome to the penultimate episode of Two Witches One Caludron™, where Quill and Audrey talk ourselves into liking the 2014 horror movie that is not like the other girls, It Follows. In today's episode, we do the bare minimum to explain the plot, so you're gonna want to watch the movie beforehand. Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about capricious horror movie farts which, according to Quill, are a totally overdone horror movie trope. Cut it out, bitch. Now that THAT'S out of the way let's just get into the cameos, that's all you're here for anyway you thirsty whore:Crystal's (AKA Annie, but really Crystal) busted kneecap serving cunty death dropSaying “I'm not going to hurt you” after chloroforming you and tying you to a chairImplausible walking speed #howdiditgettothelakehouseinlike5minsTaking a “what if it follows you” scenario too seriously #modestdominatrixPenitentiary pools featuring Jay's soggy cast #mildew #tetanus #toasterinthebathSome bitch named Yara getting shot and literally NO ONE cares #probablybecauseshefarted In conclusion, Paul could get it.

Are you into screaming, demon horse meat sacks? Well Gweniffer, you're in luck! On the second edition of both Two Witches One Cauldron™ and Dumb Bitches 101, Quill & Audrey educate each other on some more spooky lore. Love it. Quill tackles the devil of the sea with a big ol' D, The Nuckelavee, while Audrey revisits the tired, screaming wenches from Ireland's historic crevices, the Banshees.Cameos include the Nuckelavee's glistening 6-pack, keening girlies getting PAID, and ad space Audrey's banshee commercial.  If you have any inquiries about the informational integrity of this episode, please call 1-800-BANSHEE. If you don't get that this is a joke, then you're clearly not our target audience. Loser.We had a lot of sources and about 89% of them were Wikipedia. We are not famous enough to cite our sources so if you have a problem with it, Florida, then leave that fucking review. xoxo

Hi Diane, welcome to the first installment of Two Witches One Cauldron™, Bad Planning's very own spooky series to celebrate the best month of the year: October. In today's episode, described by Audrey as “a slightly not-spooky start to Two Witches One Cauldron,” we bring you only the most scintillating accounts of spooky happenings on Reddit. The scariest thing about this episode was that we woke up at 5am to record it.The cameos in this episode are actually fire so don't miss out:The underground world of the Licking™ BlackmarketA thirsty stalker and his prey who actually answers her door buzzer when he rings her? Like wtf queen?Inexcusable excuses for lobotomies resulting in fleshy lumps falling from noses…but also resulting in low key iconic relationship bonding momentsA movie recommendation worth pausing your hookup for. You're going to have to listen to find out what the movie is because we can't do all the work for you

Hi Linda, this episode is dedicated to our single listener in Florida - we love you. Much like Florida, today's episode has no discernible plot or character development.Cameos includeWrinkly-dinkly eye flaps Analyzing wind hatred…the conclusion is that wind is giving wind. In fact, it serves wind every weekend for half off using the code #andthatsonwindHow Cuffing Season & microwaving spoons are relatedVoldemort's lack of nose coming through for his future career in adult filmsA part of Quill & Audrey's origin story involving a flood greater than that one in The Bible™ B'Cheating (iykyk)Also to Break the Fourth Wall™ , we give you a sneak peek into Two Witches One Cauldron, our October series celebrating all things whorror. Throughout our favorite month of the year, we'll be covering the following topics in excruciating depth. Get ready. Spooky StoriesLore (Round 2)Horror Movie ReviewRanking Horror Movie Villains In all seriousness, Florida, along with Puerto Rico, Cuba, and the Dominican Republic has been hit by Hurricane Ian, and the damage is massive. Take a look at the links below if you want to learn how to help:https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-news/hurricane-ian-victims-help-donate-florida-puerto-rico-cuba-dominican-republic-1234601215/ https://www.redcross.org/donate/hurricane-ian-donations.html/?cid=fy23hurian&med=cpc&source=google&scode=RSG00000E017&gclid=CjwKCAjwhNWZBhB_EiwAPzlhNrd5PdenINysducfz2_6T1ddYRNHvsgl2H7UJsR8C10xHo8RSl-ZWRoCE-4QAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds 

Hi Beanie, why were STDs the main character of this episode? Your guess is as good as ours.Anyway, join Quill & Audrey for a tour around Europe, STD color theory, and Quill manifesting Lea Michelle's next big Broadway role as an animatronic Louse. Cameos/TLDR:The Queen™ thinking her cousin is hotRebranding the The Clap™ to The Milk™Slanderous hot takes about Europe In the words of Audrey “Fuck the French, fuck the rich, and fuck all of Europe”

Hi Patrice. In this episode, Quill & Audrey tie YOU to a radiator and attempt to give you Stockholm  syndrome by talking about themselves the entire time. It's giving non-consensual life update. Low key we would not blame you for not listening to this one, but we didn't want to break our upload streak. The last 20 mins are kind of fire though. Cameos/TLDR:We spend LITERALLY 10 mins trying to remember the word for Stockholm SyndromeAudrey formally apologizes to trashing the state of Louisiana under her "no southern states" policyAudrey spills a little bit of tea on her last hookup Quill reveals Love Island Britain Season 7 winnersQuill lets Billie kill a mouse IN FRONT OF HIM in the name of productivity Quill might have Celiac Disease. TRAGIC.We discuss Drake's statement that 2020 is the worst year in humanity…come through privilegeWe discuss how trash social media is and how making friends in your 20s is actually almost impossible

Hey bitches, this is editing Quill. To set the scene, I am editing this at 11 pm and uploading it at 11:55 pm on the day that it's "due".In lieu of our more spicy descriptions, which we take time and care to craft, here is a haiku of what we discuss in this short and sweet episode...~Quill's mice phobialong division is so hardEmily's a bitch~We hope you enjoy! (Except for you, Emily)

Hi, Kelly, how are your hemorrhoids? Truly what is the topic of this episode? Join Quill & Audrey as they get closer to breaking the Guinness World Record for Most Unhinged Podcast™. Cameos include Kelly's bulging hemorrhoids, Voldemort's elite coke nose, and emotionally abusive cold calls from Glenn. Poor Kelly.FYI, if you don't know what alignment charts are, then good luck with this episode. Refer to this research-backed, millennial-approved alignment chart if you need some help: https://www.reddit.com/r/AlignmentCharts/comments/g3veyi/harry_potter_alignment_chart/

Hi Melinda (no relation), just a reminder that green text bubbles aren't valid and never will be. Anyway, this episode is chaotic at best and discriminatory against android users at worst. Cameos include Diet Steve Jobs, Diet Gays ™ , and Bill Gates' bony, insider trading, Google Pixel-using ass.