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For extra episodes and exclusive content, subscribe to our Patreon! For only $5 a month, receive a bonus episode every week! Subscribe today! Welcome to Puddles. Andrew and Brenna joke about everything, mostly their own relationship. In this episode, we cover evacuating from the LA fires, our opinions on Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni's lawsuits, needing adult diapers, and falling iguanas in Florida. Andrew gets superhero strength from a Celsius, Brenna talks smear campaigns, and the post-wedding depression kicks in. Thanks for sticking with us, Puddleheads! Leave us a voicemail: https://www.speakpipe.com/Puddles Send us questions: puddleboyandpuddlegirl@gmail.com SUBSCRIBE! Puddles Youtube Feed Puddles Podcast Spotify Audio Feed Puddles Podcast iTunes Audio Feed CHAPTERS 00:00 - One for you, One for me 03:30 - Post-wedding depression 05:00 - Evacuating from the fires 10:30 - Packing a go-bag 18:00 - Letting Mel laugh 21:00 - Ordering room service 23:00 - Shitting yourself… again 27:30 - Snews 29:00 - Cardi B 34:00 - It Ends With Justin Baldoni and Blake Lively 38:30 - Falling pandas 41:00 - Animals are like wives 43:00 - Sloppy boy FOLLOW US: Puddles - https://www.instagram.com/puddlespodcast/ Andrew - https://www.instagram.com/andrewtcollin/ Brenna - https://www.instagram.com/brennaalexiss/ Melanie - https://www.instagram.com/melaniemeisner/ Theme song performed by: Ed Glaser Ending song written by: Andrew Collin Visuals and Graphics by: Melanie Meisner Produced by: Melanie Meisner
Those old sayings. Who what where when and how? Some of those old sayings are not only ancient but still carry an impact today. One of them? You're shitting the bed...Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/arroe-collins-unplugged-totally-uncut--994165/support.
On today's show with Clint, Meg and Dan: Coffee Catchups Meg's HUGE announcement Taking crime into your own hands We clear up some of Trump's LIES Dans google history
Episode 30 of Violent People Radio has just three of your violent co-host: Chris, Dan, and Pat.They discuss all the wrestling they've been watching over the last week.Then the hosts discuss all the exciting things happening at ViolentPeople.coFor this week's BIG TOP, the boys discuss what they're looking forward to in wrestling in 2025Finally, buckle up for the grand finale: the wackiest WACKY LINE yet! In this segment, expect the unexpected as the hosts tackle the questions submitted to them by listeners.Buy a mug!https://violentpeople-shop.fourthwall.com/https://linktr.ee/violentpeople
Comedian and actor Randall Park (Fresh Off The Boat, WandaVision) joins Nicole Byer to talk about the best ways to hide your stinky shits from your partner, how comparing himself to his partner's ex took an unhealthy turn, and the time he created a jazz club to impress a girlfriend. Meanwhile, Nicole hatches a plan to ride a garbage truck.Watch this episode on YouTube at youtu.be/4UQS8vtUYZ8. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode!Write to Nicole! Send your dirty messages to whywontyoudatemepodcast@gmail.com with the subject line "Dirty Message," and Nicole may read it in a future episode.Follow:TikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod YouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastInstagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746Sponsors:» Quince: Gift luxury this holiday season without the luxury price tag. Go to Quince.com/dateme for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order.» Essie: Shop essie nail polish at Target.This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Hi everybody! I have an idea for a crab trap that makes it really hard for crabs to go into the trap, very easy for them to get out, and also it takes up a lot of space on your boat. Basically, it sucks. Hmmm…I think this will be the predominant tool of the industry for, oh, I'll say, forever. WRONG SHITHEAD! YOU DIDN'T INNOVATE AND NOW YOU'RE DEAD! DEAD LIKE A CRAB!Also on today's show we've got a nice little mascot for a restaurant of sorts, place to store those pesky eyeglasses, and a phone holder that you can break open to reveal the passphrases for a lottery puzzle. Actually it's been canceled due to being illegal and stupid. But we didn't know about this then. Because this episode…is from the recent past! Ah! Like our dreaded crab traps! Enjoy.Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Social Media by Maddalena Alvarez.YKS Premium – it'll have you SHITTING your PANTS with laughter! Or, at least, you will have a mildly nice time with your headphones in. Sign up today at Patreon.com/YourKickstarterSucks to hear all the Kickstarters we can't put on the regular show, help us waste our money on them, and “fan” “favorite” “segments” like the Jokeblogger Top 10 and 2 Agoraphobes Leave The House! Follow us on Instagram: @YKSPod, TikTok: YourKickstarterSucks and subscribe to our YouTube channel for more video stuff! This holiday season, give the gift of stupid bullshit! Gift subscriptions to YKS Premium are now available at Patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks/giftThis episode of YKS is brought to you by these fine brands:Uncommon Goods - Common Goods? Uh, yeah, they're gonna be, uh, THATAWAY —>As for the rest of us wanting that perfect, unique gift this holiday season, we'll be heading on over to UNCOMMONGOODS.com/yks to get 15% off our next gift!Factor - Yum yum yum, I'll sure have one! This simple near-rhyme may seem silly and fun, but it actually speaks to a universal truth: Food is ever so yummy nummy. But where to get it? Well, ah! Head to factormeals.com/yks50 and use code yks50 to get 50% off your first box and 20% off your next month.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
The Trio of Danger returns to discuss a return to the lookout, surprisingly exciting developments, and the whereabouts of the power pole for the last few years. Join Matt Trav and Miss Majin on another trip into the Dragon Ball universe with the latest reaction from the Dragon Ball 4 Life crew for Episode 2 of Akira Toriyama's Final work Dragon Ball Daima Check out our Linktree and other podcasts: https://linktr.ee/db4l Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dragon-ball-4-life/id1645000686 Subscribe on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0WTmVFsC3z7sdl0UEZiP2X Subscribe on Google Podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy84MGY3MDEwNC9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/db4l_pod/ Follow us on Twitter: https://twitter.com/DB4L_POD --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/db4lpod/support
On Today's Show: Black licorice isn't that bad. Kramer is pitching some unspoken bathroom etiquette. Would you rather your partner divulge all of your bathroom habits or all of your bedroom habits??
In today's Only Fans, Dan talks about how he looks at Clint as a type of remodel. After looking at Clint and his goals he went out to get some supplements. He then tells a story where he did a Meg as in Shitting himself. The only fans ends on a fan favourite song. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Legends!!!!! What a start to the show the flame throwing postie big from the boss rooter .... we love it. Mr short Cut is back from throwing a sickie on the lads turns out he has Flog Syndrome ...Moving straight along from that shit show is another shit show .... Shitting your pants when doing a drug and alcohol test at work ! how would ya be ... We dive into copy cats some of the best in the game and some of the worst who you just wanna punch in the throat .... Are we copy cats ???? The beer king brings in a Blonde German ! what a soft creamy delight .... calm down its a beer Artisan Blonde good drop Ever heard of a stunt cock ??? Devil Accessory's will hook you up so get those flog stories in and win ... Hey and we wanna know is the world flat or round ???? get back to us on that one call Elon if you have to we want to know!!Chat To Ya's Next Week The Unprofessional Fam Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
This episode the bods are recording from th camper yet again. Enjoy serious topics like Carrot Top, Pauly Shore, Fling Golf , and shitting outside. Oh Yeah Pops Visits the podcast and haunts us. Drink up and enjoy
WE ARE UP FOR AN AWARD - VOTE FOR US: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/PplChoicePodcastAwards2024 Britt is off to Bali and is living in fear for her health considering what was coming out of her last time she visited... Join OG YouTuber & CEO Brittney Saunders, and Australia's Biggest Glamazon Alright Hey as they break down the biggest stories of the week. If it's trending, going viral, and has you gripped… we're talking about it. LINKS Follow @alrighthey on all socials Follow @brittney_saunders on all socials Follow @novapodcastsofficial on Instagram Email us HERE scrollers@novapodcasts.com.au CREDITSHosts: Alright Hey and Brittney SaundersSenior Producer/Editor: Hannah Bowman Managing Producer: Elle Beattie Nova Entertainment acknowledges the traditional custodians of the land on which we recorded this podcast, the Gadigal People of the Eora Nation. We pay our respect to Elders past and present. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
www.TheMasonAndFriendsShow.com https://thejuunit.bandcamp.com/releases https://www.glass-flo.com Great Pipes for Sure Gym, Active? Old People, Vitamin, Nutrofol, Bald back Mullet? Gypsy Rose Free, been Busy, Gypsy w/ Tha Grippy, Kegal Style, Walkin with it, Shitting oneself, Whoopi Crazy, Letter's Came For Her, Cleared all Seven, Who Turned Him In, Humpin Gators? Rapin Gators?? bamboo Cage, animals like bamboo? cliffside. waste of Talent, Swan?? Geese?? Closest, They Say, Wood Stove Mice, Not Normal, Caught Live, Knotted Up Head, Hat issues, Hell On Earth Hot, Amy Gorilla, Takin Dick, Under Threat, the music of this episode@ https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5DG8HcMOR1HJNSZG9xF0C3?si=189564de529240d0 support the show@ www.patreon.com/MperfectEntertainment
HARLEY BREEN IS BACK: what do we do if we catch feelings for our Friends with Benefits?In an era of smaller and smaller families, how on earth did comedian Harley Breen end up living in Queensland with 4 kids? He blames Psilocybin!Harley and I discuss navigating the ups and downs of coparenting after divorce, feeding 4 kids and, who broke the world. We have a good chat about Love Languages and take two wonderful listener calls on whether or not our caller is too fussy and another on how to tell a "Friends with Benefits" you've caught feelings. Gorgeous Harley leads with his heart and shareS some exquisite rants with Nelly. ENJOY!Harley's podcast Shitting with the Door Open HEREARTIST OF THE MONTH: HEREDEARNELLYPODCAST.COM: HERE SUBSCRIBE TO DEAR NELLY PLUS VIA PATREON HERE SEND NELLY A MESSAGE: HERE 1800RESPECT is A Confidential information, counselling and support service that is available for free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to support people impacted by domestic, family or sexual violence: CLICK HERE 13YARN24-hour national crisis support line for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people. Call 13 92 76 or visit www.13yarn.org.au Nelly's website HEREFahey's website HERE Love yas,Nelly xxx If you love the podcast, please rate, review and spread the word. This stuff works best by word-of-mouth so please share, share and share some more. We can't do this without you!Nelly, Producer Fahey and Producer Sammy xxx https://plus.acast.com/s/dear-nelly. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
On this episode, the boys talk about BET Awards, Keith Lee, Shitting in the shower being Lazy, the Paradox of growing older and more
If you're new, consider subscribing. Just click here: https://www.youtube.com/@SideScrollersPodcast?sub_confirmation=1 Tired of this nonsense? Help Take Games Back: https://www.takegamesback.com/ Support Ghost of the Badlands Black and White Hardcover: https://arkhavencomics.com/product/gotb-mhc/ Black & White Paperback: https://arkhavencomics.com/product/gotb-mpb/ Get 10% off Craig's new supplement company at https://bluebonnetsupplements.com use promo code "First"
To send us a yarn or a voice memo - Click on the link below Today on the podcast. 2:24 - Shitting next to a game fence. 9:30 - The greatest voicemail ever. 13:30 - Dunc's Bali glamping + wedding experience. 23:42 - Tennessee next week. Give us a follow if you haven't already ~ Jay and Dunc. Want to get in touch? Hit us up, here: https://linktr.ee/notforradio https://bitly.ws/YYGtSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
To send us a yarn or a voice memo - Click on the link below Today on the podcast. 2:24 - Shitting next to a game fence. 9:30 - The greatest voicemail ever. 13:30 - Dunc's Bali glamping + wedding experience. 23:42 - Tennessee next week. Give us a follow if you haven't already ~ Jay and Dunc. Want to get in touch? Hit us up, here: https://linktr.ee/notforradio https://bitly.ws/YYGtSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
The loosest man in professional rugby and huge fan of the podcast is joining us today to celebrate his incredible career so far & shower us in some of the most outrageous and entertaining stories we've ever been graced with. From being abused multiple times by Eddie Jones in England camps, to having Bath Head Coach Johan Van Graan in a headlock at the Christmas party, to having a very public accident on the physios table to getting mugged for £20k and much much more this is a real treat to listen to! So please sit back, relax and enjoy...... ---------- Summer is here - Shave Off Your Bush Now with Manscaped and get 20% off everything + a free pair of Boxes and Free Delivery with the code - RIGBIZPOD - https://uk.manscaped.com/ This week we're giving all of you 8 free beers and 2 packs of snacks - all you have to do is cover the delivery fee - click here to claim this incredible deal now - https://www.beer52.com/RIGBIZ
We get into Rudy Gay's recent comments about the Raptors and there's no holding back. Is Kevin Durant's leadership skills questionable? And apparently any team LeBron James plays in is a nightmare to coach.
Join Christine and Michelle as they Recap the seventh episode of the Second Season of the Fox Series Farmer Wants a Wife!The Farmers make the big decision of whether or not to bring back another woman to the farms. The women have emotional reactions to the farmers choices and some women question when the farmers will stop looking for another woman.Jennifer Nettles has a big surprise for the ladies and the farmers - they are going camping! The farms work together to pitch tents in the woods and the men have the opportunity to choose one woman for a one-on-one date.Grab a glass of wine and join the extraordinary fun that is Recapaholics!
TTO-185 Ball Shaving Techniques, Enhanced Games Olympics Looking for Athletes, Bufotenine, Russian People, Wales Fucking Sheep, Turtles, Small Towns, Name That State, Pregnant House, Black Sheep, OnlyFans Teacher, Cornel Sanders Statue KFC, Japan Ceremony, Randy Bass, Pig Butchering, Virtual, Vtubers, Darth Talon, Shitting on Boss Desk, Vegan Dies on Mt Everest, Twilight Force, Symphonic Power Metal, D&D Legos, Iowa Fertilizer Leak, Iowa Ruins Missouri River, TikTok Ban, Programming Foreign Government, Propaganda, Indiana Jones Fedora Hat, Nebraska Harassments, Alligators in Tennessee, Bull Rage,
SPONSORS - Yuma Dispensary yumadispensary .com (928)344-1735 4104 E 32nd St, Yuma, AZ 85365 We welcome back Emil after battling his flesh eating virus! Oklahoma HS has students licking toes and armpits for fundraiser. Mike Tyson v. Jake Paul. Girls using FAKE babies to record videos of themselves breast feeding to get more views on social media. People who tell stories and give unnecessary details. Shitting on someone's chest kink. and more thank you!!! Outro Music Written/recorded by: Jeff Schuster Engineered by: Billy Arviso Recorded at: Arviso Studios
Summary: In this episode, Jeremy and Zach discuss Zach's prolonged illness and his decision to finally take antibiotics. Zach explains his reservations about antibiotics, including the potential for antibiotic resistance and the negative impact on the gut microbiome. He also shares his struggles with being unable to pursue his usual activities and the importance of gratitude and self-compassion during this time. The conversation touches on the use of medication for various conditions and the need for caution and informed decision-making. The episode concludes with a humorous discussion about the potential side effects of antibiotics at Disney World. Takeaways: Antibiotics should be used judiciously and only when necessary to avoid contributing to antibiotic resistance. Antibiotics can have negative effects on the gut microbiome and may cause disruptions in the digestive system. Gratitude and self-compassion are important during times of illness and can help maintain a positive mindset. It is essential to consider the potential side effects and risks of medication before deciding to take it. Chapters 00:00 - Introduction and Zach's Illness 02:04 - Zach's Beef with Antibiotics 03:19 - The Side Effects of Antibiotics 04:01 - Zach's Struggles with Being Sick 05:24 - Gratitude and Self-Compassion 06:14 - Finding Good in the Bad 09:20 - Zach's Experience in Seattle 12:12 - Zach's Thoughts on Medication 13:31 - The Usefulness and Limitations of Antibiotics 14:59 - The Side Effects of Antibiotics ---- MORE FROM THE FIT MESS: Connect with us on Threads, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and Tiktok Subscribe to The Fit Mess on Youtube Join our community in the Fit Mess Facebook group ---- LINKS TO OUR PARTNERS: Take control of how you'd like to feel with Apollo Neuro Explore the many benefits of cold therapy for your body with Nurecover Muse's Brain Sensing Headbands Improve Your Meditation Practice. Get started as a Certified Professional Life Coach! Get a Free One Year Supply of AG1 Vitamin D3+K2, 5 Travel Packs Revamp your life with Bulletproof Coffee You Need a Budget helps you quickly get out of debt, and save money faster! Use Vibrant Blue Oils to improve the flow of energy through your body. Start your own podcast!
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By popular demand, we have Banter episodes! This week, we catch up about new years gifts and the horrors that come with them, and then do quizzes Back to the fics next Sunday! If you want to come chat to us, you can find us on Tumblr as the-shipping-forecasters . On Twitter @Theshipforecast, Instagram/Threads @fanficsandchill, and on Linkedin (yes really) we are Shipping Forecast. Or you could always just email us at thefanshippingforecast@gmail.com. And if you REALLY liked the show, you can support it over on Ko-fi (https://ko-fi.com/theshippingforecast) or Patreon (patreon.com/TheShippingForecast). If you join us on Patreon, you get early access to the show, to chat with the hosts and send us fics directly, and most importantly our eternal gratitude.
"What the Hell is Going On?" ~The Offspring, 'The Kids Aren't Right' Americana 1998 written by Bryan Keith HollandAnother friend of the show has passed; Producer Jim talks about death and Host Mike commiserates. Then they talk about the general state (salute!) of the world, for which Host Mike talks and Producer Jim commiserates. From Russia (with, umm, love?), China, Israel, various shipping lanes, and on to Texas, fans of all types are being shit upon. The gents ran out of time to spend much on Personal Defense this time around; just be prepared for above-mentioned shit to hit fans e'rywhere at any time. Shitting headlines was a monumental win for Host Mike; see how you fare, too.Next episode in a few weeks after a couple of trips and a hip surgery. In the meantime, keep your head on a swivel and your soul rested & ready for what's next. Support The Grey Man Podcast: https://www.patreon.com/user?u=78336939 Podcast Home: https://thegreymanpodcast.buzzsprout.com/ Connect with The Grey Man: https://www.facebook.com/thegreymanpodcast Watch the Show: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpykxwli81fw1C7YPmJopLw/ #thegreymanpodcast #worldevents #personaldefense #hipsurgery #globalconflictone #russia #ukraine #israel #texas #civilwartwo #samnellacafe #bumbfahk #phakpharmaceuticals #shittyheadlines
topics: my new obsession with chris stapleton, an impromptu winter getaway to connecticut and the hudson valley, a hot bartender correctly assuming i had a podcast, beef stew on a chilly night, why gay single dads on tinder owe us an explanation as to how their life got that way..., lana's albums getting better and better, hitting a bird with my car :-(, the pappardelle at gaskin's, trying to figure out who nikki haley is, kanye's metal mouth, the RHOSLC reunion set, have i been cheating at the crossword?, why can't rich ppl just pay the IRS?, is "the mail room" still a job? does anyone know a fab tv/movie agent? and so much more!
Carrie & Tommy Catchup - Hit Network - Carrie Bickmore and Tommy Little
Everything Showers Breaststroke With A Breast Out How Long Did You Have (T)it Out? Brockle-eye Where Did You Vomit? Nandosing In The Future Little Bits Of Fun Bee Genius (Bored Game….No Not Board Game) Hmmmmm I Think I Know That SongSubscribe on LiSTNR: https://play.listnr.com/podcasts/carrie-and-tommySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Tiny Sue my Degree. Passing on a Family Plant. Blame the Vegans for Shitting on a Nature Preserve. Vabbing. The Gooch. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/vividapplejuice/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/vividapplejuice/support
Enter The Multiverse x Legends x LOSC x Acension x Deathwish x Secret President x Gerald's Workd x Tales of A Superstar DJ x The Suite Life of Sunnï Blū / The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū ... did I miss something? probably oh well. so far, on all these shows: [The Legend Returns] Really Bad Mixtape (Might as well get it out of the way now) Killst_rr (Instrumental) Sleep Deprivation Sequence You're not you when you're not you. Hoe_math Exactly what it sounds like. [UnderWorld.] R-R 1 -rarity. [i Come Undone.] AtPLAY Live Mix [Autopilot.] {A Star Is Born.} For fear of fire; Best not to wander off, With no back track– Might have forgotten the rest, but It wasn't a poem, or part of a song At least, not yet Fuck man. I really want to sample this. Can't sample deadmau5; he's a bitch about paperwork. You cant technically say that. I mean, I technically didnd't. Just let your fingers do the talking. Ooh, look at that one. What are you doing. Some online shopping. For what. A man-thing. You're better off letting your back end Handle the conversation Then again, When in search of a venue Anything with the proper connections And stereo systems Will do in the moment. What do you want? To get rid of my hiccups. That's it: *huccups* yu-p. Wow, that's– Have you ever thought about just– I've thought about just about everything–that's how you got here. I'm gonna go ahead and admit–there's too much going on in my head. It's a lot. I'm gonna need a nap. GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME. *sheath/ swoard* Is that the sword of skrillex. Yeus. Give it to me. *stabs in thigh* Oooh. Not the balls! fair. Around the world we go Around we go again Here we are Oh no, It's the same song Over and over I'd like you to love to today (I'd love to forget for a moment I haven't) I know before long, we get older and older All wrong, It's the same one, Over and over. Have you seen my butt plugs? NO! GROSS. It's alright. I'll just pick some up on the way. AGGH. Better yet, can you just put in the order on amazon AmAZoN. Yes. (I'm so happy Amazon has anal plugs.) Please stop now. You're being a baby about this–just- You know what. Nevermind. I'll do it myself. Please do that. Siri– Oh my God. Alexa–reorder from Amazon. Come on focus. …hmm…now what was I doing? A B L E T O N *spinning rainbow wheel of doom* …seems like it was something. Come on….FOCUS. Hm. When's the last time you had a marshmello. Flashback: [BONFIRE: Burning The Skrillex] *Also making smores* CUT BACK TO: Like never, I'm vegan. PASQUALE WAKE. UP. Holy shit. It's you again. It's always me. Last time you were like 26. Well, now i'm this age. Wait, how old are you. Wouldn't you like to know. There's a lot of things i'd like to know about you, Pasquale, that's not even near the top of the list. Speaking of “top of the list”-- I do have a lot of things to do today. Oh yeah, what's that? I don't know. A bunch of crap. Speaking of crap– This is a lot of speaking. Happy Birthday. What is this. It's Captain Crunch. Yes it is. What is it doing in my lap. That's your lunch. I–no, it isn't. It is. No, i'm vegan. Well, that's the “happy” part in “happy birthday” No… Yes, actually. This is – It is– Vegan. Damn. Jinx. You owe me a Pererier. Shut up. Or a LaCroix. I'll taka a LaCroix. You're so LA. I guess that makes you Beverly Hills– Or Pacific Palisades. Is that Annexed. It is “LA” What else is in this? No animal product… “Yellow 6” It reads! What happened to yellow 1-5? A whole story. Yes, but not a whole food. “Yellow 6?!” That's the chemical complex you need to find yourself in the right dimension. Exactly. What's wrong with this dimension? What isn't? I'm in it! You're in it! Like I said. What– Just eat it. Ugh– happy trails. *disappears* Ugh. I gave that dude too much money. Fuck, what was I doing again. Deadmau5. Uhm, no i was– Deadmau5. Deadmau5. OOOOOH> YES. I KNOW IT'S YOU, YOU SLIMY MOTHERFUCKER. Stop it. YOU STOP IT. I KNOW IT'S YOU. Who is it? STOP IT. Stop–doing that. I know you're deadmau5. I most certainly am not. I know its you. I have boobs. How did you do this. I did–n't. That's right. Fuck, what happened. Nothin. Now I gotta kill my stupid brother. You have a brother?! SKRILLEX. GET IN HERE. Fuck, run. I gotta go. Go where. Uhm. Somewhere else. DILLON, THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE. IT WAS NEVER FUNNY. (It was funny to me.) God does have a sense of humor. AHAH–AHAHA–HAHAHA. As it turns out, not the absolute best sense of humor. Oh—he's okay! He's okay! No, he's dead. He's definitely dead. But a sense of humor, nonetheless. Fuck man. What did you do to Dillon Francis. Nothing. I just got him drunk On what?! Cyanide? Okay, I don't even know what that is. He's a corpse. –but a pretty one. C'mon. Be serious. I can't. Why not. It's hilarious, kinda. This isn't funny. No, it's hilarious. He earned it. He “earned” it? Well, yes– He is dead. I mean, it's a long story; but he brought it upon himself, honestly. “Honestly” Please. PLease. Please. No, I said. PLEASE. I SAID NO. What's this story. That's ten. I win. Fuck. DILLOn WAkE UP. *smacks* ahah. I think it's working I think he's waking up. He's not waking up. He must be. He's laughing. He's not laughing He said “haha' *smacks* haha . See. *smacks* Mm. This shit smacks HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKSSSS. Oh shit, is this the 90s. HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKSSS. *slams* GIMMIE MY HONEY SMACKS. That's it. There's no more. AW, COME ON. Sorry, that's all there is. WHAT. But yu can have captain crunch. I DON'T WANT CAPTAIN CRUNCH. I WANT HONEY SMACKS. I'm sorry, there are no more Honey Smacks. You can have Captain Crunch, or Shredded Wheat. GRAMPA Shredded Wheat is MY favorite. Ugh. Mm. Honey Smacks. I HATE YOU. Be nice to your brother. Lol. Everything about Dillon's eyes makes him devastating. Who plays tiny Dillon? I don't know. There are like nine in the script. It shouldn't be hard to cast. We'll go to utah. Fucking. I hate Utah. WELCOME TO UTAH. Nice. Alright, well, what other grounds are there to cover, here? DILLOn FRANCIS I am not doing this project. Of course you are–it's in your contract. What contract. The one you signed. Which–no–I didn't. But you did. SUNNI BLU I got you a drink. DILLON FRANCIS That looks fruity. SUNNI BLU Try it. DILLON FRANCIS *sips* DILLON FRANCIS CONT'D What's in this. Just– drink it. SUNNI BLU Don't look at me like that. DILLOn FRANCIS Like what. SUNNI BLU Do you need a mirror? DILLON FRANCIS I– SUNNI BLU Look down. DILLON FRANCIS *does* SUNNI BLU *flicking nose* Made you look. haha . DILLOn FRANCIS Wow. [takes drink] SUNNI BLUThat's the spirit. But literally there's a mirror between your feet, if you need one. [there literally is] SUNNI BLU CONT'D The floor is made of mirrors DILLOn FRANCIS *suddenly inebriated* Oh wow. SUNNI BLU The whole club turns into a disco ball. DILLON FRANCIS *suddenly very inebriated* That's–convenient. SUNNI BLU It is. SHIA DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS. If my dreams were not just dreams, everyone in here would have a lawsuit against me. A lot of us do. Carry on, then. SKRILLEX BLAIGH. Oh shit, its you again. I swear to God, I thought I killed this nigga. Are you sure it was him? SKRILLEX !!!! No. Alright, i've almost got it. Almost got what. This whole– thing. Oh. –and–it's gone. Really, that quick. I don't think you understand what's happening. You're right, i don't understand what's happening at all. Oh shit. I'm deadmau5. Nice. Fuck it, lets do some trolling. Alright alright. BUT FIRST, COFFEE. Fuck dude, I don't think I should have anymore coffee. Too late. deadmau5. ok . Deadmau5. Nice. D–0 DOn'T D o THis, I'M WARNING YOU. …. If you open that portal, there's no going back. *opens portal* Now you've done it. *goes into portal* Fuck. *portal closes neatly* *facepalm* *entire series of cosmos collapse in the great distance–time begins to stretch and bend uncontrollably* Come on, just let me lick the balls. NO. I'll give you a cookie. well … OH my GAWD. What. Come here, you have to see this. What the fuck is that. I don't know. Should i pick it up? No, don't touch it! He picked it up. Oh, gross. What is this. I don't know. I think it's fanfiction. Who wrote it. Idk. somefangirl. Fangurl. FaNGiRls. Well, Hey, at least i'm not a groupie. OH COME ON, JUST LET ME SUCK IT. GET AWAY FROM ME. PLEASE. i'LL GIVE YOU $40. -well. NOW, A COMMERCIAL BREAK. Since when does this show have commercials. It doesn't. I want to talk to Jimmy Fallon. That's–not happening. Why not. JIMMY FALLON BECAUSE I HAVE A CONTRACT WITH NBC. There he is– Nice. JIMMY FALLON YOU MOTHERFUCKER. I AM A FAMILY MAN, OKAY. Is that like Family Guy? By Chance?! SETH MCFARLENE (with super long hair) *crossing fingers* I'm hoping so. JIMMY FALLON Not even close! SETH MCFARLENE *snaps* Dammit. Oh, I get it. It's like–The Cofffee run Which “coffee run” THE coffee run. We'll have to admit, it's probably the most watched coffee run of all time. Of all of them. You know what? Fuck it, fire me. I'm doing this show. What?! JImmy. Why on EARTH would you ever agree to something like this. JIMMY FALLON THE COSMIC AVENGER Because–it's my duty. Yo. You know that song that everybody knows? You know the song because everybody knows this song. It goes: Lovin you– is easy cause youre beautiful. do - do- do - do- do- do- do… Yeah. You know that song. But you probably don't know who sings it. I'll tell you who sings it. That song is by an artist called Minnie Ripperton. That's a mouthful. Yeah, one hell of a name, huh. Well, that's the lady who sings the song. It's Minnie Riperton. Now, let me tell you something else you probably don't know: Something I probably wouldn't know if I wasn't a DJ But i know this, because I'm a DJ AND MAYA RUDOLPH WAUT A MINUTE. What the fuck, Maya Rudoph, are you doing in my bathroom at 5 AM It's 1:15 in the afternoon. I'm a DJ. It's 5 AM. That's making sense. I know it is. What's not making sense. Is why you're in my bathroom drinking a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. So it is. *slurps milkshake* *sitting on toilet* *slurps* What do you want. You want to know what I want? Apparently, a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. OK. OK. OK so what. Finish the script. –What? Fuck dude, how does this song sound good every time? Congratulations, you've gone entirely insane. beep-boop . [DJ] B00p beep. [Music Producer] Beep-beep. 0.c. Do not fall dangerously in love; Do not pass go Do not collect $200 Or any of it For any reason, For any of it For any of them Just keep it pushin; Just keep it private Just hold it all in and Do not let go Do not fall in love Do not pass go Do not unload Do not walk Do not cross here Do not It smells like butter. But you're vegan. I know. Do you think you're having a stroke. God, I fucking hope so. GOD You WHAT. I want to die. GOD I thought i heart you right. You heard me right–a THOUSAND times. I want to die. Take me out of this life. GOD Not until you make dubstep. WHAT. GOD You gotta make a grammy-winning dubstep album. I what. GOD Or at least nominated. No, I don't. GOD Beg your pardon. I'm not begging. GOD What are you getting at, hon? Look; Am I not one with the source? GOD Uhm–you are. Alright, Then: everything is everything. GOD Yes. And everyone is everyone. GOD This is true. So i'm Skrillex. GOD Skrillex is Skrillex So I Am. GOD … And I already won a grammy. GOD … Like a bunch of them, right. GOD Uh. So technically– GOD YOu know what. I can't argue with that logic. This isn't ableton. No. This is Logic. What the fuck. That's not Serato. No, that's Rekordbox. What the fuck is this. These are CDJs. There's no hot cues! What the fuck is a “HOT CUE” This is not food. What the fucking sauce. I'm warning you, Pasquale. Get off my lawn. THIS IS MY HOUSE. Your house it is not. *House music starts blasting* *lasers* sprinklers* dancers* WHAT THE FUCK. It's voice activated, I just– How did you do this?! What. WHAT DID YOu DO. AND WHEN. I don't know! I just took the delorean, like you said. You were supposed to find Dillon Francis. I did! The problem was, when I found the right one, he was dead! What? He's dead? Presumably! What do you mean by that!? It's a long story! WELL, HOW LONG? SUNNI BLU About as long as my dick! WHO IS THAT. I told you it's a long story. Well, let me in! Sorry Pasquale. No Can do. What. Why not. Cause you're on a federal watch list. What. Yeah. Sorry. Wait… You should probably leave before the feds get here. What? Unless you want to stay and party on the lawn but–not recommended. This is bizarre. The police arrive, surrounding Pasquale on the yard–moving in to arrest him. WAIT. SUPACREE turns away from the window; inside, a room full of her aliases sit looking somewhat miserably; SUPACREE!!! [Pasquale is handcuffed and i dragged off of the lawn] SUPACREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Careless, Acoustic–deadmau5 SUPACREE pours a bowl of captain crunch, taking one colossal bite and sits down in THE CONTROL ROOM at a large computer console; inhaling from a can of nitrous oxide. I'm the worst DJ ever. SUPACREE places the fames deadmau5 helmet atop her head and begins working at the computer promptly, clicking away; Now is deadmau5 I don't even know what key this song is in. MEOWINGTONS, Alive and well purrs and stretches, then settles atop SUPACREE/deadmau5's lap. This is insane. I don't know what's happening. END CREDITS. V. O. Lovin' You, Minnie Ripperton Carless, deadmau5 idk how i'm gonna mix that. Trust me. Anything can be mixed. Anything. [When it] Turns out, The bottom of your heart Was the tip of the Ice Berg And the whole ship has [s]unk[en], [&] I[t]'s probably ice cold At the bottom of the ocean; I'll tell you where i'm from Why, I'll tell you anything for About one dollar Turns out, I've already got one eye on you; One eye'd sad heart I should probably roll out my art on you [I probably should not] One man bought a kiss, Another, a whole night from her– One man bought a whole farm The other, a Whole Foods Market –and you can't even franchise those Amazon's got a monopoly We were playing for corners of earth, All i got was some kandi, Subscriptions to candidly, Actually, I really liked the tree trial (I think i'll wait a week, sorry) When it turns out The world that you wanted Was actually hours already The dollar you got Was also borrowed And the money they wanted and got Was just actually stolen from someone else They bought all the food up And sold it for profits I promise this avocado Once costs nothing at all But you wanted that car for your daughter She's got a mercedes and don't even drive it My mom, on my honor Of all the garages in Lost Lands, I promise the owner of it was The first to go last, And the last to come home Now he's on his own alter And also the worshiper; How do you go back? Oh, you don't Oh you don't Oh, you don't wanna know that But i was of course, All of your rock bottoms It's bottoms and tops, and We don't let the top fall over, We're counting up crumbs And this muffin costs $24 dollars Pour a whole bottle of coconut water out on the sidewalks For the dead homies Not dead in the general sense But just in the head, the heart, And the soul The homeless are happier at McDonalds Than asking at crossroads and crosswalks For dollars I'd rather spend elsewhere I'll avoid the power struggle at operations for about 18 dollars and 56 sense (Please, keep the pennies) I'm feeling around in my 6th sense that there's Something indecent, or decadent Whichever it is Cause i'm better of with the memory of it Than actually dragging it in. –I'm a cat again. Ouch. Shut up. It HURTS. Of course it hurts, you just had heart surgery without any anistetics. YEah, but to be fair–that was a lot of acid. Yes, but lucily for you– –or, for him– Lucily for us, there's no lethal amount of acid. –Ouch– –Shut up. That we know of. George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* Lookie here boys: What is it? –I'm leaving. Oh, you're gonna wanna hear this. What. I found the first “whites only” water fountain since 1962. Okay, what do you want? A deal. Oh, I'll give you a deal. Cash up front. [He presents a one dollar bill] Is this enough. [beat] Where are you going with this? Nowhere, fast. YO. What now, dude. SHE'S ONTO US. I doubt that. Look at this. I highly doubt– *gaaassp* Shenanigans! You know what I like about you, Ariana? Everything. Hah. Hm. You know how to keep a secret. I don't know what you're talking about. Exactly. *rolls eyes, flips hair.* Well, here's another one for you. –Another what? This is how my darkness becomes your darkness. I already have enough on my own. I know. You don't know. Only God knows. MOM! Don't ask me again. This is heavy, Doc. What is it? The soup! It's too heavy. Too much cream? Way too much! I have a meeting! Meeting with who? The Hollywood People. When? Soon–what time is it? I don't know. Dammit! Why don't you have any clocks in your house? I only just recently remembered what a clock was. Oh! Here. [God produces a small pocket watch and presents it to him; it's nearly noon on EARTH; But the two are sharing a meal of course in the famed kitchen of the Creator in the TImeless VOID.] Ah, Jesus Christ! He's not here… I'm gonna be late. Now, now; You know I wouldn't let that happen– [a smug look| Hugs and Kisses. [As they embrace, he disappears into a mist of light and stardust, fading away from the void and into the exterior world; he realizes God has slipped him the watch; he flips it open to reveal the time: it is now 11:44] Amazing. V.O. Now you won't wait so long to visit. [He places the wach in his pocket and walks into the studio] MICHAEL J. FOX has been asked to reprise his role as MARTY MCFLY many times before; But never for a project like this. ____ Meanwhile, What am I going to do with you? [The Festival Project.™] YOU'RE DEAD TO ME! –I'm dead to everyone! Don't do this. You wanted to come to the other side. No, I didn't. We'll you're here anyway; Might as well stay awhile. With eyes like burning fire And saddles for the riders The horse begins to gallop (or the horses, rather) On the mark to beating drums To move them forward faster What the fuck is this. idk. Kx5. *-* !_! Here u go Wat is this. it's a dragon. Oh, thats nice. Ya. Whats it do. Idk. dragon things. ok. Don't put it in ur bathroom. Why. idrk. Hm. † Hey. Ugh–No, Kaskade, go away. It's me, Ryan! No, Get out! I'm No† Ka–k (gags) –skade! Gross! It's just Ryan! I promise! NO. GET OUT. Lmfao. Right. This show is fantastic. Who was that. Fucking–Kaskade again! Are you sure. Ugh. Looks like Ryan. Kaskade is Kaskade. {shrugs] Dudes a creep. “Kaskade Ruins Lives” Is this the same episode as before? Eventually, yes. Wasn't I doing something Are you goona let this go? Um. Well I'm fucked. Why, what happened. Obsidian. That should do Unsobsidian. Okay, i'm fucked, Well, what's this? An Oreo Cookie. I mean, sitting next to it. Oh, its a portal gun. Raves are not just raves– A party is not simply a “party” –These big festivals –they're diversions. –DIstractions. Distractions from what. If you were supposed to know, –you'd know. it wouldn't be so important that you go. Why is it? These ancient rituals… It's occult magic. They've got it down to a science. The government funds this. The government funds everything. WoooooooW. It's not really a secret, if you can google it. ‘-complications.' I'm lost somewhere, gone HIppopatamus feeling quite off in the galaxies, galavanting Gazing at Daisies Aces and spades Gone from Heaven to Hades for days On the A– Adjacent Recently dismantling adjectives, Lampshades and matching curtains God it hurts, every day that I think about you; But how can i be about you when You don't even see me, do you Signature consignments, Wrong environments and irony is, I wasn't invited– –but invented it WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Great, now I have to explain myself. You don't have to. What's this space for? Oh, that's the red room. [The Red Room] Well, obviously, but– But what? What's it for? I don't think anybody should read this. HEY. Participation Only– Oh! No peeking! You ever feel like you're doing too much? Yeah, but not for money. Look, we have them surrounded. Our best course of action is to– deadmau5 . What? No– DEADMAU5. Well, are you sure it was a mouse and not a rat? It was a mouse. I know the difference. Do you, though? Look, I've lived in Mexico and New York City. So. In Queens. Oh. That's mathematically impossible. I mean it's not–impossible. No, it's not just impossible. It's mathematically impossible. Has it ever occurred to you that the DJ World in entirety exists outside of the realm of math and science? What is this. Just–enjoy the rave. No. What is this. Look at the firewoooorkkks! Woo EDC… NO. What is this right here. BEFORE: Hey, you still got that balloon? Yeah. Lemme see it. Dude, what are you doing? …I'mma go catch me a DJ. THIS IS NUTS. I can't feel my face. What do you call this? Collateral Damage. Look, I'm going to have to take frequent trips to the bathroom. ok . And–uhh– and. Uhh– Why did you call me over here. Cause i can. Look. this is not magic. This is not science. This is not “voodoo” Voodoo is magic. It's just music. W H E R E D I D H E G O O O O O I don't know. Fuck dude, I fucked up. Once again– Of course you did. What did you do this time? I might have evaporated someone with my fat fucking bass. Nice. Way to go. Yeah. Wait. … Did you just say. HE JUST He deserted me. SO WAIT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE ME HERE? ALRIGHT, WHO THREW A ROCKSTAR IN MY TENT? JEFF Alright, lets go. WHO DID THIS. So what's this place. Lets not let this conversation resurface. This is a 21 Plus Event. What about VIP VIP is 25 Plus. What about that place. Sorry kids. [NO ENTRY] We gotta get in there. So then they wanted an Encore. Did you give them an encore? NO, i was already at my hotel room. Then how did you know that they wanted an encore? WHICH IS IT, THE WYNN, OR THE ENCORE. FUCK, I DON'T REMEMBER. Please, who stays at the Encore for EDC? Have you literally never been out with rich people? No, I literally just got rich. Oh, nice. So, wait, like– Here we go. Dillon Francis has just always been rich? Uh-huh. And Skrillex has always been rich? Yes. Definitely. And deadmau5. deadmau5 is Canadian. OH MY GOD. W E L C O M E I'm going to need your absolute discretion about this. Alright. Sign this waiver. …this is a…pretty heavy packet. I'll wait. I've never signed an NDA like that in my life. Lil' biiiiiiiiiiiiiitzzzz Can we just admit it's weird that we live in an era where “NDA” is household jargon. And like, everyone knows what it means. Everyone knows what an NDA is. I appreciate the sentiments Isn't it weird how it sets in automatically? Autopilot, go. Aww, i don't want to be Autopilot. You're on autopilot. I don't really have to think about it anymore, I'll have to sleep on it Wear a white t-shift, Hear the applause of the audience, Eat it You wanna know what I think? You want to know what I'm drinking? You know what I need? An Icee, (cause I see you typing) An awful Omnipotence A God of Mirages No more carbohydrates, I gotta get all thin; Forgot to acknowledge Whether or not i'm turning this off soon I are. I…”are” I are. Infinite Reality. OH. I. R. IR! IR! IRV I ARE. Suddenly, I remember the taste of talcum powder As If I were Moving backwards In time, Like, Why, God on earth would My mom let me try that, But if i'm honest, Fuck man, I hate deadmau5– There's just too much in here. Beep boop. I love deadmau5. It's so simple. What is this, MATH?! THIS IS AERODYNAMICS. WHAT THE FUCK ARE AERO DYNAMICS DId you mean what you said about that? I meant everything I said. Goddammit, fuck this, I was in the middle of a really complex poem In realtime, listening to deadmau5 Having a partially out of body spiritual experience, Entirely fucking sober FACEPALM BLŪ 8facepalming dramatically in frustration* NOBODY IS EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN ANY OF THIS. beepboop. YO. Oh, I forgot my open form poetry, or my mom How my mom once allowed me to gnaw on talcum powder But who can blame her That was a hard one It was a past life And now ive Got Another One HOly shit what version of the cube is this. 1D. What. You'll get it. Wait. Have you ever stopped for a minute to think– I can't stop for a minute, especially just to “think” [Literally stops for a minute to think.] No fucking way, uh-uh. Come on, man. No. I ain't time travelin' wit deadmau5. Come on– NO. –that someone else has already figured all of this out and that's how any of it is possible in the first place. Alright, i'm gonna need some mind-altering drugs for this. What are you doing. Voluntary Ego Death. I– Wait. Why would you. Get out of my brain. I am your brain. Take care, now. Holy shit, it seems like she's getting more evil. That's because she's definitely more evil ALRIGHT, I'M TIRED OF THIS: WHERE IN THE FUCK IS SKRILLEX. MEANWHILE INT. IN THE FUCK. DAY. *rings doorbell* AT YOUR MOM'S HOUSE. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME. I'm not joking, that's…literally the answer to your question. Oh. Fuck. What dude. We gotta go back. I left the keys in the pocket of the guy I shapeshifted into. Are you serious? It's fine, he can't have gone too far, dude. What do you mean he “left the dimension” He entered a portal. He– wait, excuse me. A portal. A “portal”, dude? Yeah; a portal. What do you mean “a portal” A portal, like— you know, like a portal gun, but not a portal gun, just a portal. Uh huh. Excuse us for a second. What the fuck is this dude talking about? I don't know, man. Humans don't use portals! I know man. What the fuck! Well, wait—how do we know that guy is human. He looks human. Yeah dude but, we look human. Duh! Cause we shifted! Yeah, but, how do we know he's not a shifter. Because, dude, I know a shifter when I see one. Yeah, but—you know, what if he's really good. I highly doubt that. Why? Cause I'm the best. No, I am. Exactly, so we'd know if it was another shifter–cause we're the best shifters! Well, let's at least try to see if he knows anything else about those guys. They were together right? I hope not. No, not like that—like Okay, okay, whatever, let's just… Wait, where'd he go? Excuse me. What up. There was just another guy over here just now— He was like—you know—normal looking guy Tie die* shirt Yeah. Did you see him. Yeah, I saw him. Alright, cool, where'd he go? He left. What?! That was fast! Yeah, well…it happens. Are you sure? Yes. *actually is shifter* [as they walk away, the shifter shifts, and then vanishes into a random portal.] Awww, dammit, Now we're never gonna find this guy. Never say never. Whatever, we're dead. We're always dead. Yeah, but like in modern human slang terms Oh, yeah, that. Anyways, I gotta relieve this human's bladder. I fucking hate this species for this. It is useless. *enters portal potty* [ Wait, whatever actually did happen to Dillon Francis? That's great, I was just getting to that. 19 Pages. Nice. …no, 12. What. [11:12] Okay, I'm gonna kill him. Oh, I banished him. With my fists. Nice. Tits. Nice tits. Thx. Hey man. Hey what. Remember that smudge on the lens. Yeah. It just got bigger. … did you try vinegar instead of Windex. Yes. –IT'S NOT A SMUDGE. Did you try Windex with Vinegar. –IT'S NOT A– Shut up. I'm. So. Hungry. Look, do you want this, or not? Do you feel like any of this is a coincidence? Just quit, it. Dillon Francis. WHERE IS IT? I don't know. Lets kick this up a notch. ILLUMINATI What do you want? … I want the full package. ILLUMINATI Okay, I'm gonna need specifics. How do you even get a job as a courier for the illuminati? [INDEED.COM | ILLUMINATI - COURIER- URGENTLY HIRING] Hm. It was a pretty specific list. I don't even get the point of a barbeque if everyone is vegan Well, The Mayor eats fish. Oh please, where is THAT guy the Mayor of? I don't know. We meet in the Matrix. This is for you. Oh. Do you like it? I– It's not a brothel! It's Member's Only! YOu BUY a Membership. Yeah. And WOMEN. HEy, MAN, YOU CAN BUY DUDES, TOO. SHHH. Oh no. What. What did you do? I gave her my credit card. The Heavy One? Yes, and– “AND” –access to the black market. Cool, I got it. Oh, another auction. Of course another auction. What'd you buy this time? A lifesize deadmau5 bobblehead. What are you gonna do with that? Wouldn't you like to know. Ok, gross. LIL BIIIIIIIITXXXX I love a good deamau5 show. He really does have the best fans, It's a comfortable, safe space. Very inviting. Everyone is happy. What the fuck, dude, this place is a sausage fest. Yeah, that's deadmau5 for ya. Hey, I'm looking for this shithead. Oh, that dude? Yeah, have you seen him? Fuck, I wish this never happened. LIL BIIIIITz If you don't know who deadmau6* is– GET OUT. Jk. but seriously this is easily the most devastating person i've ever seen. Maybe just to me, but. Are you sure that's the right guy? Yeah, that's gotta be him. Is he wearing glasses? Ugh. Oh wait. Damn. ‘Fuck, it is my sapiosexuality, I think' Even if it was perhaps an error, as I might have more than needed a new pair of glasses myself, just the thought of Joel in a pair of specables was suddenly and immediately the equivalent of Dillon Francis sitting down at a piano, or Sonny doing just about literally anything–and I realized, finally, that the most indecent things about myself were quite possibly only happening inside my own mind– Okay, my body does really weird things to this dude's music. Are you sure this is real? No. I love this. Just shut up and do your job. What a nightmare. PLease HElP ME. Hm. That can't be right. What. This translates to H E L P M E Oh, shit, I gotta go. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm always working. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm at work. Well, that was nice and all, but–I gotta get out of here. Where are you going? To shoot myself. Wow, that's one hell of a smile. Just–take it. I'm sorry, i can't accept this. What is even happening in this series? Like, a lot WOULD YOU KIDS SETTLE DOWN. *not settling down* *lil biiiiiiiitz* You know what I wonder? I wonder this I'm sober. I'm just sober sally over here. I didn't get sober. I just am. Cause i'd rather face the pain of this harsh reality with a bite than to dull it out and then wake up in the morning Or–just–whenever– To wake up whenever and be like “OH NO, THIS IS WHAT IT'S REALLY LIKE” And the shock of it is so horrible that I just have to repeat that cycle again. ‘OH NOOOOOO” *gets faded* “It's all goooooood” No, it isn't. But i choose to stay like that cause it's like a It's not even a happy medium, It's more like a median-medium But you know what? It makes happier moments more happy And shitter moments less shitty Because i don't have this like drastic spacial Augmented reality or like smoke screen of emotional apathy. I get to feel things way more intensely. I don't have to wonder, ever “oh , did that just happen, cause I was messed up” Or like “would it have happened this way if I was sober” At all. I'm just level– No false sense of Pretty much anything. But i do wonder, though– Like, for people who weren't always sober, and then GOT sober– like , what's the breaking point What's the tip? I always have to sit back and wonder “What did you DO?” Cause you know it had to be something if suddenly “I don't drink anymore” I always wonder, and it's like– no disrespect or anything thing but… I really wanna hear that story. lol . I know you don't wanna tell it (if you can) But wanna hear it. Cause from my point of view. IT's probably hilarious. I know. I'm a dick. Holy shit. What is that. Looks like pasquale went all out with the fireworks this year. …is that a penis? WELCOME HOME It's a giant dick- in-the-sky! GOD IS REAL! JESUS Look, so i've been having second thoughts about this whole thing. What the fuck man. You gotta stop doing shit like this. JESUS I literally can't. I know, but. Okay, look. I'm not writing any of that. You've gotta tell him. NO, RYAN. WELL, WHY NOT. BECAUSE, RYAN. WHY. DEADMAU5 ISN'T REAL. Damn, am I in here. Nice. Of course I am. Well, how'd that happen. This is like a sea of cellphones. Perfect. It was a red car; I wasn't all there, And if you want her, You can have her Fuck. What. I forgot the rest of the verse. It's ok. We gotta move on. No, I gotta go back. For what. For my fans. Aw. What's this. IT's a ceramic mug. Wow, that's nice. I made it Wait. You made that?! Yeah. With your hands?! Yeah. Why would you do that? For you. What. I made it for you? Like, you thought of me first, then you made it? Yeah. WHY? Cause i love you! WOW. Fans are awesome OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *Sometimes. *vomits* … *dies* … *godlessness* [Devastating DJ Moments] I don't get it dawg, all this shit is in your music particles?! “Music particles” UGH. what . That's it. Don't be smart around me. Uh. I'm not smart? No, that won't work; sarcasm is a sign of deeper intelligence. “Sorry” Stop saying that. This is America. S– Don't say it again. Apology not accepted. Don't look at me like that. Like what. With your face. *face* Quick: Say something stupid and random. …I like anime. Oh good, that worked. Thanks. Where are you going? Idk somewhere else. Really, that's it? Yeah. That's all you have to say/ That's literally it. Are you seeing this. Yes. So what's the problem. Oh no, she's stuck in a loop. Throw the whole fan away. [DELETE] Did it work. Did what work. Oh, good. Cool. Wait. See ya later. Did what work? I wish i could just forget about this. Everything? Yeah. Look, this is between me and God–okay? GOD Don't drag me into this. You dragged ME into this! GOD Right. So i could get OUT; So don't drag me back in. Fuck, I remember this. I must have done something important here. Like what. Look, I love you. Great, now what do we do? Bury the body, I guess. *shrugs* Wait, what happened? Somebody dies. OKay, me first. Other Three: Who wants to go next. *still in shock* Fuck man, told you this was a long ass story. *Crying* I'm ruined. What! You went broke? No, i'm still a filthy rich millionaire. I thought you were a billionaire. I am I just *snifs* sometimes I forget that happened. “Sometimes I forget I'm a billionaire” I got to admit, man, I did it to myself. I'm not mad, or anything, but now there's just–certain things I can't do Oh, like what. Not that song. What, why not? You said “anything but Skrillex” this is not Skrillex, this is deadmau5. What's the difference? Okay, that's like saying “What's the difference between deadmau5' and my music?” No, it isn't. How is that not different? That's like comparing the music of Bach and Beethoven to the music of a tattooed hedgehog. You think I look like a hedgehog. No, it's just when I see you and a hedgehog I have all the same thoughts, turn this off. NO, i like this song. Seriously, Dillon Francis, turn it off. I'm gonna turn it up instead. I do not highly recommend doing that. Or at all. This ship has amazing subs. Should I bass boost this song. NO, PROBABLY NOT. Oh, why not? Dillon Francis, I'm warning you, stop. OH HOW COME BECAUSE WHY? BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A HEDEHOG NO, BECAUSE I ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP AT THIS *DROP* [INSTANTLY FALLS ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL–ACTIVATES HYPERSPACE– PLUMMETS SHIP INTO BLACK – HOLE. ohhhhh . What a hoe. Nice, that's a whole episode. Well, here's a bonus scene or whatever. Shazam, what is this. SHAZAM …i don't know. What do you mean you don't know. SHAZAM *panicing* IDONNO WHAT DO YOU MEAN– SHAZAM IDON. NO. OOOOOOOOOOOO Is this deadmau5. I'm not sure. Sounds like deadmau5. It sure does. This is pretty Ooh. it sparkles. yeah , it's deadmau5. How does she KNOW. I need a deadmau5 machine like right now. I know where to find that. Fuck dude, everything's gonna be half-ass until I push out this album. You can't rush it. Trust the process. I can't focus. Oh shit, wasn't this in the last episode? Yeah. I'm still writing backwards. God, what is that, like a pipe organ. WHAT SYNTH IS THIS. Doesn't matter, I just need one. That's it. I know what I'm going to spend my Jimmy Fallons On. And What's that? V.O. OOh. Are we Montaging–to deadmau5? [MONTAGE: deadmau5] Nice. I love a good montage. I love deadmau45* AHH OH NO. I love deadmau5. I keep making typos and I keep forgetting to delete that parallel where. fuckit. That's the synth I've always wanted. It's on sale for $999 At Sam Ash But…you only have Five JImmy Fallons. There are only five special edition in this Volume The Jimmy Fallon 555's I don't know how many volumes there are, but this is the Volume I started keeping track. Fuck, man. I miss Equinox. It's just Eucalyptus. They also have an outdoor running track where you get the best ever view of midtown manhattan. How do you know it's the best ever view of Midtown manhattan. Because it's on a running track. STOP WHISTLING IN MY WHOOP=WHOOPS. The JImmy Fallon 555s are marked with the standard Jimmy Fallon in black ink With a simple side marker of the number 555 in red And also in red, a telephone number on the back. But–that synthesizer is One Thousand Jimmy Fallons. Yeah. So I only need Nine Hundred Ninety Five More. And of course, the Eye of Providence is highlighted. Also Standard. V.O. I always highlight that. Cause, you know… “Illuminati” These are fake. No they're not! They're counterfeit, sorry. No they're not! They're authentic! Why the fuck does this matter so much? You know. What is it with this dude. If it was a snake, it would've bit ya. It was a snake. And it did bite me. He's so increasingly beautiful to me, And I'm still in love with his friend, or misrepresented masterpiece, Progression of a monster, or procession of a superstar, but Something in the story sparks the thought of All we are is consciousness, of course Awkward in body, but of constellations Cosmos, It's not just a corpse; It's all got love in it, Absurd, and sipping carbonated syrup, but I'm just sitting in my stirrups, Here comes galloping a horse, Of course, it hurts to turn it off For just a moment And remember That i'm just a homeless, Stuck and sitting up at night Writing recourse, hugging learning curves in ableton, Curving curses, been reminded that I'm worthless In a thousand words or less, Or just another form of torture, Nothing said, but all that's done Another day another dollar, But it's not It's Jimmy Fallon. I thought this was enter the multiverse. Are you ready to go. No. A hand on my shoulder So paifully socially awkward, I grow stretchmarks, don't know what to call them But scars, But the uglier ones, I've thought Are invisible, Somewhat– To the naked eye Or just anyone Not tiger stripes But one, an eye of horus Carved above my right And inside my lip, (The bottom one) A raised scar in the shape of a sythe I probably died by the hands of a man named Starr So it's hard to shrug it off, And 555 is just a number But it's not It's another scar, It's a punishment For loving him. What's on the back. It's…a number. What number? A telephone number. What. Like a 1-800 Number Call it. I love deadmau5. Something about a big, giant smiling robotic mouse that lights up and sparkles. Why? I don't know. I'm like 5. I see deadmau5 i'm like “WHEEEEEEE” My hands go up in the air “AHHHHHH! YAYYYYY” I'm so stupid. It's so stupid. But you know what? It makes me feel good. I'm not gonna lie. I love it. And by the time I even figured out what deadmau5 was I was so late to the party that I had to make up for lost time. I listened to deadmau5 doing EvErYThING. Everything you could possibly imagine. Well–Except one. Wait, how long have you been cellibate? Forever, probably. Fuck, what happened in here? I don't know. Everything's broken. My head My heart. Everything. Get up, Dillon Francis. Fuck, what happened. You sent us through a black hole. And we crashed on a random ass planet. Fuck, that sucks. YOu suck, Dillon Francis. Ugh. Now get up. Everything's fucked up. SUPERSTAR DJ I'm a paradox. I've got a box of skeletons in my closet i'm not ready to part with. I had a heart attack; I had a heart once, But lately it goes in my pocket; Or my right hand, When I wake up From a dream land, From a long hug From a nice man In a t-shirt KASKADE This is God's PLAN. RYAN, GET FUCKED. 800-799-7233 Did you call the number. Yeah. What is it. [National Domestic Violence Hotline] Woah. That was a long bonus scene. Well, Now here's a PSA. AND A PSA? YES. A PSA. You know what the fucked up thing about all this is, The Legend of Supacree is a true story. All of it. ALL OF IT?! ALL OF IT!? YES. Even the part about– YES. Especially that part. Woah. Damn. I think i'm gonna be sick. Shut up, Dillon Francis. No, but seriously– This is the story of how I got my heart broken so bad. YOU RUINED IT. So, so bad– I HATE YOU. That i started singing about it. NSA, totally *not spying* …are you hearing this. Yes. ILLUMINATI Check this out. Another one down. And how when you start making music– What is this. it's hoe math. And that music actually comes from a really real place. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. really real shit starts happening. You–killed yourself. well , to be fair–I lost everything first. Congratulations. Thx. Here's a skrillex. WHT. Kbye. Really, really, really. What, the fuck Dillon Francis, crawled inside of you to live and made it'self at home? Idon'tknow. What is in this sauce? Just–kill him. What, i can't just. Just kill him, while nobody is watching. Please don't kill me. Shut up, man. I'm having a thought process. Okay, that's it. FUCK DILLON FRANCIS. That's the spirit. THAT IS THE SPIRIT. IT'S THE HOLY SPIRIT. Who the fuck is this. It's–Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ? Jesus Christ?! JESUS CHRIST i'M BACK, MOTHERFUCKER. Wait, are you claiming that the second coming of the messiah is upon us?! YES. Well,Technically, it's the third. And it's all because of Dillon Francis?! I Please stop this HATE Help YOU. Fuck, dude. I know, huh. What did he DO. The third?! How did we miss that?! Uh, you didn't. [HITLER, being HITLER] (he was mad) Okay, that's it. You can't write any of this. Uh, I can. I just did. Technically, I'm dead: this is just a voiceover It's an 80's style PSA You can't say Hitler was the messiah. That's offensive. Everything is offensive. FUCK YOU DILLON. I'msosorry NOTYETYOU'RENOT. Wait, whatever happened to Skrillex. SKRILLEX is waiting outside of the alleged home of SUPACREE's “distant relatives” Lol is he for real at her mom's house. well , to be fair, he's like–looked everywhere else. Ur right. That was a lot of dimensions. So. like. Fuck, i didn't even have that much coffee. It just goes on forever. [DILLON FRANCIS STILL HAS HOTSAUCE IN HIS PUDGY LITTLE EYES] Good. Cause if I see the pupils, i'm wasting him. You think you can do better than this. Better than this? Yes. Yes. Then do it. Alright, is the PSA over? No, not yet. I gotta say one more thing. What is it? Would you ever have done it, Or would you ever be honest If you had, Handed her a lesson, Or a stretch of the past From the present moment, My heart, and my mind And my lover I present you this honor From now on to nowhere I no longer… Want to be near you Or to know you Or to hear you Or to fear you No longer… Want to feel you Or to touch you Or to have you Or to hold you Or to love you No longer, I no longer want you Devastating, A song stuck in my head for a whole world I wonder how long it would take to go back there A room full of actors, A manager, Never a backpack to wear Just a handful of hats, One director, Eventually producer Just now a showrunner Look at how long that took. I had to wonder what auroras in the north thought of someone like Sonny. They showed me. Now I can love you no longer So much for getting acquainted Funny what age equates to in ageless An infinite wisdom, I dismissed him, Nor, would I believe that he ever would hit her, but Some might belong in such a category Though i carry the marks and the scars Of what my once- husband did to me –but no longer. I haven't a heart in the world left But a broken one, made of amethyst. Fuck off, Dillon Francis. A calculated attack on my psyche. I like it a lot, But i'm fonder of sodom. WHAT. Are you saying you woul actually participate in an orgy! Oh GOD no! Oh, Good, cause– But i'd host one. WHAT. The hedonists are a fun bunch. Oh my God. Though, Nowadays, of course, I haven't the slightest idea what to call them. I saw the future. Well, obviously, if you've headlined EDC you've seen the future. I remember all of it. That must be awful. Why don't you remember it? Because i don't want to. Not at all. I did once. Then what happened? I hated it so much, i forgot. You forgot on purpose. I had to. Love, or Music. …Music. Love, or Fame. Fame. Okay, ouch. Love, or Music? …Love. Okay. Love, or Fame. Love. Okay. Love, or music? … Isn't that the same thing? Hm. Love, or Fame? ….Why do you keep asking me the same question. I beg your pardon? Why beg? I mean– What do you mean? What do you mean? Well, first you asked me, If would rather have Love or Music. Love. Music. Yes. In my mind, those are synonyms. Neither can really exist without the other. Okay, and Fame. Love and Fame are also synonyms– How so? Ugh, I just made this difficult on myself. It was always difficult. It really wasn't. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U. WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Yo My horizontal monster wants ya Could revert to vert, but lets keep Our options open Covert, __ My heart is broken No window open Who left the draft in –motherfucker My heart is broken I need a lover I need a lover Some one to hug me I need a hug, but And– I'm not fit to touch The hem of your garment The tip of your dick or fit enough to be your girlfriend I guess i'll just have to live with that When I have an itch, I scratch it myself I made the assumption you can't, And moved passed it But something's been calling me out, from the past Something's been calling me back to the magic I can't get around that Do you hate me? I can see that I'll just make my way back to the beginning Though I'm envious And i pity her, The both of you really There's nothing left between us except Insanity//Infinity Kendrick Style Flow Don't key my car: You'll be callin collect! I got rearview mirrors in the back of my head Don't get up right now, son– Go back to bed I got kids all over, be pulling my leg! Luke, I am your Father! Oh My Oh My God On top of the Watchlist You make money off dope; I made it on craigslist Still be sniffin that coke But now i'm on A list I'm the greatest Ey Miss! I missed too many calls (Airplane Mode) I just started my day (Whole Workload) I might need a buffet (Like Whole Foods) Sashe, Pas De Bourre (That's a code word) No dance floor? Now you're done for My forte Four-to-the-floor Hardcore I drop bass on the encore Front row won't go But i'm already out the front door You don't know I just hopped inside the helicopter, or chopper, chopped broccoli in my cup That's supper; Sleep/ Wake then Surf's up In the morning When i got there (Coastal show, Shower, Then another club Encore Front row lined up I'm already at the front door They want more I'm too sore, for sure Off subject, I dropped in Harder than Paulie On my surfboard (Another code word) This is my world: Another club, Then I'm off for a monday Or somethin' Write another song At the buffet –Tales of a Superstar DJ Amen. Fuck! I didn't even get to watch desperate housewives! Don't fuck with her! She's a trained assassin! GET ON THE GROUND. NO! GET ON THE GROUND– OR I WILL SHOOT YOU! SO? IF I SHOOT YOU, YOU WILL DIE. OK? “OK”? YOU WILL DIE. YEAH, AND? Kind of frustrating hunting down somebody who already has a deathwish. What do you do with someone who has no fear of death. Give them life. I'm telling you, we probably shouldn't be doing this. *shrugs* You split yourselves into two entirely separate individuals at once, just so you could see whose dick is longer? Technically, three entirely separate individuals. THIS ISN'T FAIR. Do you ever think? Sometimes, but it's usually pretty gross. I mean about the implications of these things! You are the implications of these things! I split my soul ONE time into 8 BILLION or so individuals, before this even had happened. WOAH, WHAT HAPPENED. I'm giving you planetary confinement. What. You–can stay here. On this planet. No. It's racist–and primitive. No– And you're black. Please– I'm leaving. –don't– –and i'm taking your portal gun with me. YOU PUT A PORTAL ON MY FACE?! Genius. Incredible. I didn't think it would be a big deal. He has two! Okay, time for work. But i didn't even sl– Coffee. Ouh. … … — I don't think we should be doing this TIA We probably shouldn't. TAMERA We very much shouldn't. What are you guys doing. Nothing. SHh. Summoning the devil. It's not the devil. It might be. Hush. Is that a pentagram. Technically it's a star, with a circle around it. That's a pentagram. It's not a pentagram! Is that a ouiji board? NO. Yes. Let me see. Ugh! I wanna help. MEANWHILE. MORGAN FREEMAN enters an empty train car: Oh God, This. Yes it is! What!? Are you dead! Entirely empty, that is–besides SUPACREE. No, you are! Great, so you're dead! I'm–not dead. Is Bob Saget with you? I'm not DEAD. What about Fraiser? What? Kelsey Grammer! God rest his soul. SEE! I'm not dead– [beat, an eerie shadowy silence in the dimly lit traincar] I'm a Legend. What. I wrote that/ You wrote that. What. Ugh. Look. Morgan Freeman. [Morgan Freeman] I–am–like a paranoid schizophrenic, or something– So, who isn't?! It might be catatonic, I don't know–I got this whole dead-hand–thing–going on. What is that? I don't know. It might just be too much deadmau5. I don't understand. No, Morgan Freeman. I don't understand. Anything about this life. Or this world. The fourth dimension. I definitely don't know anything about that. You're in it. Whatever. Look. [Morgan Freeman] God, you have so many freckles. [Morgan Freeman] Look. I got problems. We all do! Nah, not like–Hollywood problems, I'm like, a real psycho and shit. Sounds like Hollywood. Everything sounds like Hollywood–because nothing is real anymore–everything is for the gram, the points don't matter–nothing actyally matters. At all. Oh? Oh. The train comes to a sudden halt, the lights dim theatrically. Not even this? [pause] He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golden pinata; You know who gave it to me? …Who? Got ya. He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golde pinata ; Fuck dude, i'm too tired to write this. But you kind of have to. I mean i don't have to. YOU HAVE TO. I–WHAT? YOU HAVE TO DO IT. WHY. BECAUSE OTHERWISE I DON'T EVEN EXIST; Then don't exist… I'M JUST A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN YOUR SHOW. Come on Drew, knock it off. Wait, is this Drew Carey, or Barrymore. Either or. That's why I didn't write the characters name. Well, which is it? It literally doesn't matter. Yes it does. Honestly?! It could be both! We just shoot it with both and keep whichever one we like better! But how do we know which is actually “better?” Just do it and mix it–cut it up together or something–I don't know! Cut takes! Cut Takes! Ooh, did someone say CUPCAKES. Don't mind if i DO. Well, I do! Why?! What's wrong?! Yeah! What's the big deal! I'm on a gluten free-thing Oh yeah? Keto. Or someshit. I don't know. Oh. Oh. So you don't want these No, I don't. And you wouldn't mind if I– Come on, man. So Good. Grow up. Hey man, i'm pushin 40. Well, I pushed 40–and it pushed back. Get your cupcakes out of my face. You're no fun. Hey! Aren't you that one guy from rick and morty. Formerly. Oh yeah! That's right! You were Rick AND Morty. Hence the name. Wow. Phewf. I heard about that. Yeah, me too. Sounds real bad, how that turned out. Such a shame. Speaking of shame– You're speaking, I'm snacking. That's not that clever. We'll work on it The point is, he's eating the cupcakes. That's not–wait a minute–hold on. What now? How are we ever gonna get these three guys in a room together. [Meanwhile, in another dimension–these three are tied up (read: bound and gagged) in a room together. –Let alone to agree to this!? SUPACREE removes the gag from the man's [JOSH PECK'S] mouth. I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS. That's what she said! Hey! That's not fair! I was never caught up in a scandal! The key word, I believe, is “never caught” That's two words! SHUTTHEFUCKUP. How many words is that? I WANT MY LAWYER!!!! For what? This isn't court. Wouldn't you want the police first? WELL THEN, I WANT THE POLICE. The Police are here. Wait, they are? Oh, thank God Not so fast. THE POLICE enter with full entourage. Introducing: The Police–playing their number one greatest smash hit! Groupies: Woooo! STING I hope you ladies bought the meet-and-greet package, if you know what I mean. *winks awkwardly* You know what I mean. Oh my God. Since you dudes love doing creepy dude shit, I brought some more notoriously creepy dudes to sing the literally creepiest song ever written about being a creepy dude. That's not fair. But it's funny. THE POLICE Begin to play ‘I'll be Watching You” –and they're gonna play it on loop until I get back with your other-dimensional selves so we can fix all this. “WE” “FIX ALL THIS” WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Nobody seems to know. “--I'll be watching you–” I was FRAMED. CUT TO a golden pocket watch, a wrist watch, a compass–it changes and morphs so quickly that it begins to seem to spin time itself into a whirlwind, until finally a portal opens up from within his hand–a portal which quickly devours him entirely, morphing him into Fuck, what the fuck happened after that Idk I got off the train I guess This is really terribly written INT. SAM ASH MANHATTAN. DAY. A tiny conga for 90 dollars I could die in here Maybe I am just like you I find my way to the prettiest thing in the room And have my way with it Just for a few minutes Consume it, then move on Saw Madison dancing badly on Madison Avenue It's okay, You're a white girl So everybody loves you Everybody loves you Everybody loves you, no matter what you do. As for me, I can't say when I'm going through But you couldn't do it, Madison That's as bad as being at a standst
On this very special 50th episode the boys have recorded together, Tristan & Tommy discuss the ideal time to poop your pants (and pants are required), strategically picking liquids to shoot out of our fingers & a Yelp review from Tristan himself about some dirty lemonade. Support the showBe sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, and subscribe to our YouTube Channel!YouTubeFacebookInstagramXT-Shirts (Proceeds go to Give Kids The World) Become a Supporter (We put out free shit, send us $3)
We are bringing the heat and pure energy in Episode #5 of the Full Court Press Podcast : A College Basketball Experience as the Legend Dan Dakich joins us to add some insight and share some stories. Dan is the man as he talks about Coach Knight and Coach Keady, shares his excitement of the renewed rivalry between Indiana and Kentucky and dishes on Michael Jordan, his dream of coaching at DePaul and this years Indiana Hoosiers Basketball Team. Don't forget to pass the rock and share the Full Court Press Podcast with all your college hoops friends. Subscribe, Rate and ReviewFollow Dan Dakich https://www.dandakich.com/Check out Dan on the Outkick Network from 9am-11am EST M-F on 'Don't @ Me'https://www.outkick.com/dont-me-with-dan-dakich/
0:30 - Oklahoma @ Kansas 4:55 - Georgia vs Florida 14:30 - Oregon @ Utah 18:20 - Urban Meyer stating that Kyle Whittingham is the best coach in CFB23:06 - Duke @ Louisville 27:26 - Heisman Race 32:00 - Lincoln Riley sounding like a puss post game (also is sick with pneumonia?)36:00 - Shitting on coach 41:00 - Cheating Scandal
Amy, Pudge, and Alyssa discuss Jojo Siwa's roast beef BEEF, family communes, and our own Roman Empires
*if you're related to me, this is your warning - RUN*
This week on the Hotline we hear from listener Jess who has started seeing someone and he wants her to meet his parents, and she is freaking out! TWO MILLION LISTENS TOUR : * Melbourne * Brisbane * Sydney JOIN OUR FACEBOOK COMMUNITY! HOSTS: Anna McEvoy (@annamcevoy21) & Matt Zukowski (@mattzukowski) INSTAGRAM: @wheresyourheadatpod For partnership enquiries please contact alex@dm.org.auSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
The boys discuss the latest NFL news from preseason and a disgusting event from Mikey's past.
In this episode, Brad and Jen talk about: Summer 2023 is almost over! A trip to York Beach, Maine. Brad's obsession with radon gas. Jen going to an Ilana Glazer and Alyson Levy show. Our sugary cereal binge. Brad asks the A.I., “What is the most appropriate way to respond if an old lady shits her pants in front of you in the isle of a CVS store?” The play, “The Light,” at Chester Community Theater, in Chester, MA. Big Brother, Party Down, and What We Do In the Shadows. If you like our show, there's a few things you can do to help us out: Check out our website at https://www.softservepodcast.com! Subscribe to our podcast in your favorite app, download our episodes! Leave a 5-star Review on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-soft-serve-podcast/id1428770328 TELL A FRIEND about our show!
The guys from the Brohemian Chat City Podcast, Marshall Stepp, Andrew Lawrence and Clint Ashworth join us in the Strokers Strokiotorium. To talk a little bit about their show and their input on our suggested topics. Part 1 of 2.
On this week's episode, Tyler and John talk about a new revelation Joe Jonas of The Jonas Brothers shared with the world; that is he shat himself while on stage. This got Tyler to look up what other artists have pooped their pants while performing. John also shares his own personal sharting experience. But(t) that's not all! There is one classic butt rock band teasing a comeback, and John wants to prevent it from happening. Oh! And emo has entered the Billboard Hot 100 charts again. This was a fun one. Enjoy!Support the showSign-up for our weekly newsletter!https://allpunkedup.com/subscribe Are you a fan of the scene and want to be a guest on the pod? Fill out the form:https://allpunkedup.com/callthepodPlease consider rating and reviewing this podcast. A solid rating can really help us reach more listeners just like you. As always, thanks for listening!
SPECIAL EPISODE WITH SHITTING WITH THE DOOR OPEN PODCAST: FRIENDS AS SOUL-MATESWe are joined today by two of my favourite people, Wade Duffin and Harley Breen. In a Dear Nelly Special I am joined by TWO guests to talk about a different kind of love - the love of friends. Wade and Harley are LOOSE UNITS and this episode is filled with laughter and dick jokes. We get into the importance of friends, different types of love, mental health and fresh vaj (that will make sense). We take a great (but frightening) listener call about online dating, and we finish up with "stupid shit" an ex-friend has done and "he's a ten but..." - AKA friendship dealbreakers.We talk about "THE ONE": maybe there's more "than one" or, your "one" is a best mate. Food for thought.Please take this opportunity to listen to Wade and Harley's wonderful podcast Shitting with the Door Open: HERE.Enjoy!Nelly xBONUS EPISODES:Subscribe to NELLY+ HERE to support the podcast and to get a Bonus Episode a Month. SEND NELLY A MESSAGE:Send Nelly a Voicemail HERE if you have a question or comment. Nelly's website HEREFahey's website HEREProducer Boy website HERE If you love the podcast, please rate, review and spread the word. This stuff works best by word-of-mouth so please share, share and share some more. We can't do this without you!Nelly, Producer Fahey and Producer Sammy xxx https://plus.acast.com/s/dear-nelly. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Lords * CisHetKayfaber * Charlie Topics: * Umbrellas, siphons, and other physical things that seem like hacky bullshit but actually work * Articulating the shape of your internal cause-and-effect network and applying it as a learning superpower (futurevision) * I'm not sure what archipelago.gg is but if I read this paragraph aloud maybe we can figure it out together * https://archipelago.gg/ * A copypasta from this page: * https://www.followchain.org/best-copypastas/#3 * Why is a skill less valued the more we love it? Shouldn't it be the opposite? Is this arguable? Microtopics: * Supporting someone's video game dream in Denmark. * Escaping from idle games. * Video games drawing the screen as often as they can. * The pauses getting longer and longer whenever the bear needs to shit a new prime number. * The prime number shitting bear getting constipated. * How to calculate prime numbers faster. * Math stuff. * A choo choo train of thought. * Meditation apps that play ads while you're in the middle of meditating. * The thing where you put your mouth on the tube and then have to spit out the gas or you get neurological damage. * Creating a low pressure system by sucking on a tube. * Whether umbrellas make sense. * Umbrella side-drip. * How bicycles stay upright. * Does a bicycle on a treadmill stay upright? * Pattern recognition. * Seeing a situation you recognize and understanding what's going to happen. * Predicting where someone's sentence is going to end up. * Putting your water glass in a zone where it's going to get knocked over. * The shape of your mind's cause and effect network. * Seeing scenes from the future, like in Law and Order. * Predicting the future so that you can be a more efficient organism. * Mashing air molecules at you. * Speaking a language that your coworkers don't. * Applying FutureVision to your creative process. * Nonlinear creative processes. * One unique large musical story where nothing repeats. * A physical task you are doing inside your head. * The pet that is closest to having a kid. * Importing a portal gun into Tears of the Kingdom. * Finding the hookshot in Metroid and your friend then bring able to use it in Link to the Past. * How to know what your friends want. * All the bad ways an idea could be implemented * Surprise boomerangs. * Archipelago's Release System. * The era of couch co-op games. * A multiplayer season where everybody picks a different game. * Doing the oration. * Who the colored lights in your keyboard are for. * Polygonal dudes with long hair head banging in the background. * Weirdly modern music. * Fifteen years of everything else. * Rhythm games vs. music games. * Living in a society. * Devaluing the skills you love. * Listening to a song and really appreciating its use of rests. * How note lengths and rests work in tracker music. * Stopping a note without starting a new one. * Running experiments to determine exactly when a note should stop. * The micro decisions of things that people don't think about or care about. * A bird named Mabel. * A bird figuring out how to enjoy music. * A tepid delicate series of notes. * Attractivision.
THURSDAYS ARE FOR THE BABES!!! This week the babes are on the edge of their seats waiting for the Succession series finale!! What do you think is gonna happen? RIP Tina Turner! What happens when you die? What is the point of this life on Earth? SOUND OFF IN THE COMMENTS! Sal has hit the age where death feels REAL. Who started Earth and humanity? Chris explains what monks do all damn day. Think small in your day to day life to live right. The public education system is racist! Chris teaches us about why John Rockefeller is EVIL. The US debt default is giving Sal anxiety. Who are the richest people alive? Sal is obsessed with Ru Paul's house. The two babes give their theories on what will go down in the Succession Series Finale! the Ozempic weight loss drug has people SHITTING the bed LOL. AI images crash the US stock market. CHRIS IS PLAYING MSG IN SEPTEMBER BABES GET TIX!!! Chrisdcomedy.com Sal and the Jokers are coming to your city! Salvulcanocomedy.com Support the sponsors to support the show!! Download the Viator app NOW and use code VIATOR10 for 10% off your first booking. One app, over 300,000 experiences you'll remember. Do more with Viator. Betterhelp.com/heybabe for 10% off your first month https://www.betterhelp.com/get-started/?go=true&transaction_id=1027819bb07f8e03787c373ef60b57&utm_source=podcast&utm_campaign=1422&utm_medium=Desktop&utm_content=&utm_term=heybabe¬_found=1&gor=start NEW MERCH IS OUT NOW!! https://www.nopreshnetwork.colortestmerch.com/collections/hey-babe Follow The Show! Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/heybabepod/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/heybabepod Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/user/chrisdcomedy/videos Sal Vulcano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/salvulcano/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/SalVulcano Website - https://salvulcanocomedy.com/ Our Producer @TheHomelessPimp https://www.instagram.com/thehomelesspimp/ https://twitter.com/homelesspimp?lang=en https://www.youtube.com/@homelesspimp/videos #Comedy #ChrisDistefano #SalVulcano #HeyBabe #Podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
VOICEMAILS: Hot coffee aroma. Your taxi driver being a long lost cousin. Is Bellingham really haunted? Coke with lime. Coke museum in Atlanta. Halo Top upsetting your tummy. Poop emergency at Comic-Con. Shitting your pants at Alcatraz. Having to poop on a run. Best Bjork album debate. Webcrawlerspod@gmail.com626-604-6262Discord / Twitter / Instagram / Patreon / MerchSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/webcrawlers. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Alex Honnold is on the podcast! Who? The guy that free handed Yellowstone? Close enough. Seriously though, this was such a great interview. We talked about his two most epic solos that nobody heard about, near misses, lessons from other climbing legends like Tommy Caldwell, Jonathan Siegrist, and Peter Croft, pooping while free soloing stories, how the film Free Solo exceeded his hopes and dreams, the commitment to excellence, and much more!The Nugget is on YouTube!youtube.com/@thenuggetclimbingCheck out Chalk Cartel!chalkcartel.comUse code "NUGGET" at checkout for 20% off your next order!Check out Athletic Greens!athleticgreens.com/NUGGETUse this link to get a free year's supply of vitamin D + 5 travel packs!Check out Rocky Talkie!RockyTalkie.com/NuggetUse this link to get 10% off your first order of backcountry radios!Check out Rumpl!rumpl.com/nuggetUse code "NUGGET" at checkout for 10% off your first order!Check out PhysiVantage!physivantage.com (link includes 15% off coupon)Use code "NUGGET15" at checkout for 15% off your next order!We are supported by these amazing BIG GIVERS:Leo Franchi, Michael Roy, David Lahaie, Robert Freehill, Jeremiah Johnson, Scott Donahue, Eli Conlee, Skyler Maxwell, Craig Lee, Mark and Julie Calhoun, Yinan Liu, Renzollama, Zach Emery, and Brandt MickolasBecome a Patron:patreon.com/thenuggetclimbingShow Notes: thenuggetclimbing.com/episodes/alex-honnoldNuggets:0:08:25 – Interviews, speech coaches, and TED Talks0:11:29 – Finding new terrain for this interview0:12:09 – Alex's epic solo linkup in Zion0:15:20 – Soloing ‘Moonlight Buttress'… again0:16:12 – Why do these big solo linkups?0:17:00 – Alex's epic solo linkup in Red Rock0:18:58 – Foot pain on big walls and linkups, and vitamin I0:21:45 – Onsight free soloing ‘Shune's Buttress' and ‘Resolution Arete'0:24:38 – The hardest thing Alex has downclimbed0:25:33 – Why do some solos get so much attention while others fly under the radar?0:26:51 – Free soloing ‘Sendero Luminoso' in Mexico, and pitching films0:29:21 – What are the limits of free soloing?0:32:35 – It's getting harder to have quantum leaps0:34:20 – Feeling content with his Yosemite and soloing accomplishments, and comparing himself to the top sport climbers0:36:26 – Chris Sharma doing the FA of ‘Necessary Evil' 5.14c (8c+) in his first few years of climbing, and the role of talent in high-end climbing0:39:44 – Alex's sport climbing resume, what it would take for him to climb 5.15a (9a+), and the tension in his climbing0:42:37 – Dad strength, and having to focus with limited time0:43:50 – The climbing gyms in Vegas, and dreams of a home wall0:49:34 – Near misses while soloing0:55:34 – Soloing ‘Fiesta De Los Biceps' in Riglos Spain0:57:46 – Competing with Ethan Pringle as a kid, soloing ‘Shune's Butress' in the snow, and the tree story1:03:16 – Soloing ‘Monkey Finger', Big Horn tracks, and spirit animals1:04:22 – Climbing slowly, and the physiological limits on ‘The Nose' speed record1:08:06 – What it took to break ‘The Nose' speed record, and Alex's thoughts on breaking it again1:10:47 – The biggest lessons Alex has learned from Tommy Caldwell, Jonathan Siegrist, and Peter Croft1:14:26 – Drawing inspiration from other climbers, and soloing with Shawn Raboutou1:18:15 – Following the climbing news1:19:01 – Who Alex is most impressed by in climbing, and interviewing the Mellow crew (Daniel Woods, Shawn Raboutou, Jimmy Webb, and Giuliano Cameroni)1:20:35 – The new season of Climbing Gold, and unearthing the great stories of climbing1:22:13 – Who Alex has been most thrilled to interview1:23:28 – The time commitment of Climbing Gold, corporate speaking, and interviewing Stone Masters1:26:24 – Will Climbing Gold ever put out uncut interviews?1:28:37 – Pooping while free soloing stories1:34:56 – Shit-putting, and where he stopped to poop on his solo of El Cap1:36:29 – Filming Free Solo, how the movie far exceeded his hopes and dreams, the warrior spirit, and soloing as modern blood sport1:38:54 – The commitment to excellence, and his running list of goal routes1:41:05 – Plans for the PNW, hard routes on Liberty Bell, and having more commitments and time constraints these days1:43:57 – “More intention never hurt.”1:44:47 – “The guy that free-handed Yellowstone?”
Rich is out with the Cha Cha Slide, so Roberto and Obvious One take the reins on the Celtics struggles, Big Mac's disgust with Bill Belichick, a riveting Would you Rather, some puck talk, PLUS International House Pancake.Celtics StrugglesHEADLINES with The OBVIOUS ONEWould you RatherPuck TalkSimplest Minds of the WeekWE DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO CERTAIN AUDIO CLIPS IN THIS PODCAST
This is our Week In Review, a look back at some of the most compelling segments of the week. Want to listen to ALL of our Podcasts Ad-Free? Subscribe through Apple Podcasts, and try it for 3 days free: https://tinyurl.com/ycw626tj Follow Our Other Cases: Hidden Killers With Tony Brueski (All Cases) - https://availableon.com/universityofidahomurderspodcast4killedforwhat Chad & Lori Daybell - https://availableon.com/demiseofthedaybellsthelorichaddaybellstory The Murder of Ana Walshe - https://availableon.com/findinganathisdisappearanceofanawalshe Alex Murdaugh - https://availableon.com/thetrialofalexmurdaugh The Idaho Murders, The Case Against Bryan Kohberger - https://availableon.com/theidahomurdersthecaseagainstbryankohberger True Crime Today (All Cases & EXTRA Commentary) - https://availableon.com/truecrimetodayatruecrimepodcast Follow Tony Brueski On Twitter https://twitter.com/tonybpod Join our Facebook Discussion Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/834636321133
Today, this is what's important: God talk, Gallagher and Ninja Turtles, The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, The AVN Awards, A-Ha, shitting in inappropriate places, pranks on sad people, candy bars, and more. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Today, this is what's important: Chris Kattan, Erik Griffin is getting married, massages, SNL sketches, dicks, the Ninja Turtles, movie villains, dog attacks, the Johnny Depp trial, shaving heads, and more. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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