Podcast appearances and mentions of Diana Richardson

When the book Eat, Pray Love came out I was worlds away from grabbing my passport and hopping on a flight to find myself.I love the book (and love travel) and I think Elizabeth Gilbert is amazing, but the adventure she so beautifully describes; one woman's search for everything, wasn't happening for this woman. Not then.At the time EPL hit the stands I was hitting the gas on my Mom Taxi hard.Literally and figuratively. I was in the midst of raising & homeschooling 3 boys (which ends up being my most profound spiritual journey to date), caring for 3 dogs, 2 cats and trying to keep that crazy circus running as smoothly as possible. Most days it didn't. 

Many couples come to me complaining of a dissatisfying love life: some are in a low-sex or no-sex relationship, while others experience sex as boring and mechanical. In this episode, Diana Richardson shares her “Slow Sex” program, and suggests how you can create a more loving sexual partnership, well into old age.  We discuss: Tantric sex, love and sexual fulfilment. How to make sex a conscious decision, not an accidental encounter  How slowness increases sensitivity and awakens the body's innate mechanism for ecstasy  The healing spiritual power of slow sex.  Diana Richardson is considered one of today's leading authorities on human sexuality, and she is known as the pioneer of Slow Sex. She has written eight books on how a person can experience a more fulfilling sex and love life.  Born in South Africa in 1954, she first qualified as a lawyer and then trained as a massage therapist in the UK. Her interest in the body and healing prompted an intense personal exploration into the union of sex and meditation - the essence of Tantra. Since 1993, together with her partner, Michael, she has been sharing her insights and experiences with couples who travel from many different parts of the world to participate in their informative and life changing ‘Making Love' Retreats in Switzerland. Subscriber Content This Week  If you're a subscriber to The Meaningful Life (via Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Patreon), this week you'll be hearing:  How to Discuss Sex With Your Partner Three things Diana Richardson knows to be true.  AND subscribers also access all of our previous bonus content - a rich trove of insight on love, life and meaning created by Andrew and his interviewees. Follow Up Get Andrew's free guide to difficult conversations with your partner: How to Tell Your Partner Difficult Things Take a look at Andrew's new online relationship course: My Best Relationship Tools https://courses.andrewgmarshall.com/relationship-tools  Visit Diana Richardson's website. Watch Diana Richardson's TEDx talk on The Power of Mindful Sex Read Diana Richardson's books, including  Tantric Sex for Lovers  Tantric Orgasm for Women Tantric Sex for Men   Slow Sex  Join our Supporters Club to access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50.  Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall 

Send us a Text Message.Hello beautiful people! Welcome to another episode of The Calling. I am thrilled to be here with you today. As always, our space is ignited with wonderful energy, and I am honoured to introduce our guest, Diana Richardson, a dear friend and a profound teacher in the realm of tantra and conscious lovemaking. Diana's journey is nothing short of inspiring, and I can't wait for you to hear her insights and experiences.SummaryIn this episode, we delve into the extraordinary journey of Diana Richardson, an acclaimed author and teacher of tantra. Diana shares her story, from growing up in apartheid South Africa to becoming a lawyer and eventually discovering her true passion for bodywork and tantra. She speaks about the importance of being present in the body, the power of self-massage, and how conscious lovemaking can transform our lives.Diana emphasises the significance of awareness and presence in lovemaking, challenging conventional goal-oriented approaches. She discusses how being truly present in one's body can lead to deeper connections and more fulfilling experiences. Diana also highlights the natural differences between male and female sexual energy and the importance of giving women enough time to warm up during lovemaking.Key TakeawaysPresence and Awareness: Diana stresses the importance of being present and aware in your body. This awareness can profoundly impact your overall well-being and your relationships.Self-Massage and Body Connection: Self-massage can help you connect with your body, leading to a deeper understanding and appreciation of your physical self.Conscious Lovemaking: Shifting from a goal-oriented approach to a more conscious, present method of lovemaking can transform your sexual experiences and relationships.Differences in Sexual Energy: Recognising the differences in how men and women experience sexual energy can lead to more fulfilling and respectful intimate encounters.Trust and Relaxation: Trusting your body and relaxing into the experience rather than forcing or controlling can lead to more authentic and satisfying connections.Diana Richardson Resource Links: Books / Author Profile: https://www.amazon.es/stores/author/B001KDM6NA/aboutWebsite: https://www.loveforcouples.com/en/TedX Talk: https://www.loveforcouples.com/en/audio.htmlLiving Love Audio Series (Offering): https://www.loveforcouples.com/en/audio.html#interview Homaya Resource Links: Website: https://homaya.org/ Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/homaya/ Free Light Constitution Quiz: https://homaya-amar.mykajabi.com/light_constitution_quiz Soul Contract Activation Meditations: https://homaya-amar.mykajabi.com/podcast-the-calling

Hello and welcome to The Breathing Body Podcast - My name is Flurina and I am your host, and I am so happy that you are here.  This podcast invites you to meet your body - in a deeper and more meaningful way and to find your way back home. We explore tools and practices, share stories and experiences about how we can say YES to the body we inhabit: This is is the most beautiful project life has to offer.  I call it self-love.  After I shared my own healing journey as the first episode in this year I got a lot of questions from you about what concretely I did to uncover my eating disorder and stop into the recovered landscape - and I decided to record two episodes - this is part 2 - in which I share all weird and wonderful big and small things which supported me and still support me to this day. This episode is for you, no matter if you struggle with food or not. In today's episode I fly solo and I talk with you about why eating disorder recovery is such a rich & rewarding journey: 

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is completely self-funded, produced, and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich. Consider making a small donation to support the Podcast: bit.ly/SupportGTPodcast. Thank you! For more information, please visit Nathalie's website, join the podcast's Instagram page, and subscribe to the newsletter to receive updates on future episodes here.About this week's episodeIf you've been drawn to this episode, it might be due to the title containing one of the most searched-for topics or due to the name of my guest. Diana Richardson is widely known due to her many books that span multiple pages if you look on Amazon which have been translated into various languages.  For me, however, the connection was made due to our common friend, Janet McGeever. I feel lucky to count Diana, also known as Puja, as a friend. I've known her personally for more than 10 years and I have had the chance to sit in her presence multiple times when she was teaching women's and couples' retreats as well as just the two of us over a cup of tea. She's the embodiment of the wise woman Archetype: She possesses and has embraced feminine energy and is also in touch with masculine energy and its qualities, her life is spiritually centred, with her in full mastery of her body, heart, and spirit. In touch with her feelings, she allows herself to feel fully and experience life. And, most of all, she uses her life experience to teach in the area of life that is central: intimate relationships and sexuality.About this week's guest Diana Richardson (aka Puja) was born in KwaZulu, South Africa. She has a Law Degree from University of Natal, Durban, and been a teacher of therapeutic massage since 1978. In 1979 she became a disciple of the Indian mystic Osho. Soon after she began a personal enquiry into Tantra inspired by Osho and Barry Long. Diana Richardson is one of today's leading authorities on human sexuality. She has been teaching couples her highly effective 'Love Keys' together with her partner Michael since 1993. She has written 8 books on Tantra, two with Michael as co-author. Diana deals with the essence of Tantra - the union of sex and meditation - and how in practical ways a person can experience a more fulfilling love life. Website: livinglove.comResources mentioned in this episode:Diana's booksE42: Sexuality and Relationships in the Context of Grief, Loss and TraumaSupport the showSupport the show: Become a supporter of the show! Starting at $3/month Join Facebook Group - Grief and Trauma Support Network Download the FREE grief resource eBook Book a Discovery Call Leave a review Follow on socials: Instagram Facebook Website

As a revered Tantric sex teacher, bestselling author, and Ted X speaker, Diana has redefined intimacy and guided countless individuals and couples toward more meaningful and conscious approaches to love and sexual connection.Diana's journey began over 40 years ago as a disciple of the renowned tantric master Osho in the 70s, propelling her to become a global thought leader in the field. Alongside her husband Michael, she continues her work as an international educator today, hosting renowned 'Making Love' retreats in Switzerland and training facilitators worldwide to disseminate their teachings.In our conversation, we explore Diana's evolutionary journey with tantric lovemaking, clarifying misconceptions about Tantra, and delving into the difference between tantric sex and conventional approaches. We discuss how sex can be a portal to accessing the present moment, the keys to sexual fulfillment, and the transformative power of harnessing and retaining sexual energy for overall well-being.We also touch on topics such as the significance of sperm, transforming the experience of orgasm, and practical tips for embarking on a conscious love making journey, whether single or with a partner.If you're ready to explore the profound connection between spirituality and sexuality, and discover a whole new side to lovemaking, this episode is for you.Stay tuned for more powerful podcasts on holistic health and spirituality, released every fortnight. For show notes on this episode including a bunch of related resources, visit https://oneelevenhealth.com/blogs/podcast/tantric-sex-with-diana-richardson/ Follow us on instagram: @oneelevenhealthFollow us on TikTok: @oneelevenhealthLearn more: https://oneelevenhealth.com

Today's podcast is for women and men seeking a new approach to feeling expansive in their individual and sexual pursuits, and how to use this power in all relationships; friends, family, co-workers, and strangers. Empowered intimacy exploring tantric sex, personal power, and boundaries is a conversation that leads the charge on what we are here on Earth to move forward in, generationally. This quest of sharing how we can start owning our "turn on" or see through a "lens of love" each day of our lives has been my personal experience, and practice, for deepening my own relationship with my sexual expression. Since having had a Love, Sex, and Relationship Coach for 6 months in 2023, where we explored deep wounding, stood at my edge, and reintroduced myself to all things pleasure, I have never felt more confident and clear on what I desire and communicating it with love with my partner, friends, family, and co-workers. This conversation was also inspired by Mama Gina, Author of "Pussy: A Reclamation", and Tantric Sex Practitioner/Author, Diana Richardson, and her book "Tantric Orgasm for Women". Without women learning, feeling, and educating other women on how to cultivate the full feminine expression, we grow up sexually "out of tune", for no other reason than that we are told/shown "how" pleasure is meant to look/sound/be and fall into the despair of body unawareness. It is time to lean into an expansive episode of The Isabelle Wellman Show to feel empowered in your own intimacy. Learn the basic truths about Tantric Sex, how to hold yourself in a "turned on" state as to always be in charge of each moment, and never let your voice be denied when speaking your boundaries. How you elevate those around you is EVERYTHING. You are apart of a transformative generation. How will you participate? Sign up and instantly receive my exclusive Healthy Lifestyle Enthusiast Guide which includes: Daily Health Vitals Checklist - to own your day 7 Movements to a Strong Body - to pump up your energy Seasonal Eating Diet + Grocery Checklist - to nourish your life Connect & Work w/ Isabelle Wellman: Sign up for the weekly newsletter 25 Days of Mindful Movement Holistic Health Coaching Isabelle Wellman IG TikTok Website: Apple Podcast Spotify Podcast Shop, Read Blog, Connect ⁠Vibe Nutraceuticals 10% Off with code "isabelle10" at checkout!⁠ ⁠Onnit discount: 10% off with code “Isabelle” !⁠

Today's podcast is for women and men seeking a new approach to feeling expansive in their individual and sexual pursuits, and how to use this power in all relationships; friends, family, co-workers, and strangers. Empowered intimacy exploring tantric sex, personal power, and boundaries is a conversation that leads the charge on what we are here on Earth to move forward in, generationally. This quest of sharing how we can start owning our "turn on" or see through a "lens of love" each day of our lives has been my personal experience, and practice, for deepening my own relationship with my sexual expression. Since having had a Love, Sex, and Relationship Coach for 6 months in 2023, where we explored deep wounding, stood at my edge, and reintroduced myself to all things pleasure, I have never felt more confident and clear on what I desire and communicating it with love with my partner, friends, family, and co-workers. This conversation was also inspired by Mama Gina, Author of "Pussy: A Reclamation", and Tantric Sex Practitioner/Author, Diana Richardson, and her book "Tantric Orgasm for Women". Without women learning, feeling, and educating other women on how to cultivate the full feminine expression, we grow up sexually "out of tune", for no other reason than that we are told/shown "how" pleasure is meant to look/sound/be and fall into the despair of body unawareness. It is time to lean into an expansive episode of The Isabelle Wellman Show to feel empowered in your own intimacy. Learn the basic truths about Tantric Sex, how to hold yourself in a "turned on" state as to always be in charge of each moment, and never let your voice be denied when speaking your boundaries. How you elevate those around you is EVERYTHING. You are apart of a transformative generation. How will you participate? Sign up and instantly receive my exclusive Healthy Lifestyle Enthusiast Guide which includes: Daily Health Vitals Checklist - to own your day 7 Movements to a Strong Body - to pump up your energy Seasonal Eating Diet + Grocery Checklist - to nourish your life Connect & Work w/ Isabelle Wellman: Sign up for the weekly newsletter 25 Days of Mindful Movement Holistic Health Coaching Isabelle Wellman IG TikTok Website: Apple Podcast Spotify Podcast Shop, Read Blog, Connect ⁠Vibe Nutraceuticals 10% Off with code "isabelle10" at checkout!⁠ ⁠Onnit discount: 10% off with code “Isabelle” !⁠

Today's episode with Diana Richardson is dedicated to a theme that often dominates and steers our lives in many ways, particularly during the holiday season - emotions! Ever wondered how emotions shape our relationships, how they can hinder or nurture our connections, and how we can harness them for a fulfilling love life? Emotions can obstruct our outlook on love and impede the very thing that we most long for - intimate connection with others. We consider the difference between emotions and feelings, what to do when you find yourself in a toxic emotional state, and how we can learn to free ourselves from these unconscious forces. Diana describes how we can identify 'low-grade' emotions or moods in which imbalance starts to express - in states such as negativity, irritability and impatience. She provides powerful insights about how allowing feelings in relationships enables openness and greater intimacy, strategies for resolving emotional struggles and why taking responsibility is central to enabling conflict resolution. This conversation heightens our understanding of how to transform emotional dynamics, urging us towards greater self-awareness. We draw attention to how addressing our emotions can contribute to a more harmonious world and how freeing up the past to serve the present and make space for love in relationships makes all the difference. We conclude this deep exploration by looking at the connection between emotions and their expression during sexual intimacy. Diana helps us understand the principle of love as a state of being and the importance of healing emotions as a means of returning to the love we have within ourselves and with others. This talk offers invaluable advice for us all to maintain robust, gratifying relationships, guiding us towards a more harmonious and loving life.Diana Richardson is known as the pioneer of the Slow Sex movement. In 1979, while in India, she became a disciple of the Indian mystic Osho and her interest in meditation, touch and healing initiated an exploration into Tantra. She has authored The Heart of Tantric Sex, Tantric Orgasm for Women, and Tantric Love: Feeling Versus Emotion coauthored with her partner Michael Richardson (2010). Diana shows us how sex can be a genuine method for self-exploration and spiritual development. Diana and her partner Michael are based in Switzerland, where they guide couples in the art of slow, conscious sex in their highly successful Making Love Retreats. Why not check out Diana's other episode with us; How to Have Conscious Sex; Exploring Tantra & IntimacyTEDx talk by Diana RichardsonThe Power of Mindful Sex Liked what you heard? Help us reach more people! Please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts Start Energy Healing Today!Unlock your healing potential with our informative and fun introductory 10 hour LIVE online class in energy healing Our Flagship Training is Setting the Standard in Energy HealingThe next 100 hour EHT-100 Energy Healing Training is open for enrollment! LIVE & online - 10th February - 21st July 2024. Join us in Bali in 2024 - Our Retreat AND first in-person EHT-100 Training are now booking! Contact Field Dynamics Email us at info@fielddynamicshealing.com fielddynamicshealing.com Thanks for listening!

00:02:00 Emotions versus feelings 00:06:00 Indicators to know you are emotional 00:09:00 5 steps to transform emotion 00:13:00 Full blown versus leaking low grade emotion. 00:15:00 Feelings, and body awareness 00:17:00 Relating with anger 00:18:00 3 Golden Rules 00:21:00 Conventional sex and the impacts of emotional overcharge 00:24:00 Effect of sex on women's health 00:25:00 Emotions affecting a lineage, parents, children and onwards. 00:26:00 Love as a state  00:29:00 Nurturing the seeds of love within you   Links: Listen to previous episode together on Relaxation, Awareness & Sex https://youtu.be/FIC8QegiMd4?si=sEhmfMCRIs4a9WvY   Diana Richardson  www.livinglove.com   Podcast https://oliviaclementine.com/podcasts   Support Enjoy these episodes? Please leave a review here. Scroll down to Review & Ratings. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/love-liberation/id1393858607

Yes, sex is about so much more than having an orgasm - carries the potential for making love as a doorway to higher consciousness. And that's what this episode is all about.  I feel so grateful to share this episode with you and honoured to have had the so inspiring Diana Richardson as a guest on my podcast. I feel grateful for her immense generosity to share her experiences and the unfolded insights with us - we had such a dynamic, expansive and physical conversation, physical as I could feel how she shared from such an embodied, true and authentic place, wonderful! I felt so inspired, to slow down, sense, listen, and yes allow making love to be a doorway to greater consciousness.  Diana is considered one of today's leading authorities on human sexuality. She is known as the pioneer of Slow Sex, and is an internationally acclaimed teacher and author in the field of tantric sex and spirituality. Diana has written 8 books on how in practical ways a person can experience a more fulfilling sex and love life. Born in South Africa in 1954, she first qualified as a lawyer (B.A.LLB), and then trained as a massage therapist (ITEC) in the UK. Her interest in the body and healing prompted an intense personal exploration into the union of sex and meditation - the essence of Tantra. Since 1993, together with her partner, Michael, she has been sharing her insights and experiences with couples who travel from many different parts of the world to participate in their informative and life changing ‘Making Love' workshops in Switzerland. In the conversation with Diana we talked about …  What Diana means with slow sex and why consciousness during sex inherently unfolds in slowing-down  The potential of sex to be a nurturing and expansive experience and to create a deep connection with oneself and ones` partner  Why sex is about much more than experiencing an orgasm: It is about how we do it; from a place of conscious awareness, in connection with our own body …  … how we can learn and start to transform our sexual practice into a journey that's not about «the peak» - but an invitation to dive deeper into the feeling that you have with and for each other The importance of curiosity, lightness and playfulness in this process! How making love invites us to cultivate body perception …  … and therefore experiencing making-love as a place where healing can happen  I hope you feel as energised and inspired as I did after listening to this conversation with Diana. There are many possibilities to learn more from Diana: Diana is the author of several books: Tantric Orgasm for women Tantric Orgasm for men Slow sex Tantric Sex and Menopause  The Heart of Tantric Sex  Tantric love: Feeling versus emotion  Tantric love letters Cool Sex  More links about Diana`s work  Website: www.livinglove.com TEDx TALK LINK The Power of Mindful Sex: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqyW35EMLuM To leave any comments and to get in touch with me, follow me on Facebook or instagram, or visit my webpage www.flurinathali.com  Credits: Intro/outro music – ‘Hymn for Jim' by Aspyrian; Robin Porter – saxophone, Jack Gillen – guitar, Matt Parkinson – drums, composed by Robin Porter, listen to the full track here.  Graphic: Annina Thali, for more information click here Mix engineer: Jack Gillen, for more information click here

Diana Richardson, author of The Heart of Tantric Sex; A Unique Guide to Love and Sexual Fulfilment (2003), is known as the pioneer of the Slow Sex movement. In 1979, she became a disciple of the Indian mystic Osho and her interest in meditation, touch and healing initiated an exploration into Tantra, an ancient body of knowledge originating in India. In this eye-opening episode we discuss Diana's personal journey and how she navigated tantric sex traditions, including the influences of teachers Osho and Barry Long. Diana shares the fundamentals of conscious sex, emphasizing the importance of awareness, non-doing and presence. She discusses how tantric sex creates an expansion of energy and consciousness, in contrast to traditional sex which is goal-oriented and orgasm-led. We consider the burdens of sexual conditioning carried by both men and women, such as performance anxiety and the desire to please. Demystifying the strategies of tantric sex and revealing the importance of receptivity, Diana shares how tantra is a practice of moving inward which naturally brings about healing and self-realization. She discusses how an erection is not a necessary part of conscious sex, and how tantric practice isn't limited to heterosexual couples, but is available to all sexual orientations and partners. We cover the theory of the positive and negative poles of the body which circulate the magnetic energies, and how tantric sex is grounded “in the basement” of the body, the genitals and pelvis - thus creating change in the rest of the system above. Diana joyfully shares how becoming conscious of and broadening our relationship with sex can lead to all types of greater enjoyment and fulfilment in life. Other titles authored by Diana include Tantric Orgasm for Women, Slow Sex, and the co-authored Tantric Sex for Men with her partner Michael Richardson. Together, they are based in Switzerland, where they guide couples in the art of conscious sex in their highly successful Making Love retreats. Diana has been a speaker on TEDx, sharing her insights about how sex can be much more than our mainstream culture relates to it. Ultimately, Diana shows us how sex can be a genuine method for self-exploration and spiritual development.TEDx talk by Diana Richardson The Power of Mindful Sex (2018, Linz, Austria)www.loveforcouples.comLiked what you heard? Help us reach more people! Please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts Start Energy Healing Today!Unlock your healing potential with our informative and fun introductory 10 hour LIVE online class in energy healing Our Flagship Training is Setting the Standard in Energy HealingThe next 100 hour EHT-100 Energy Healing Training is open for enrollment! LIVE & online - 10th February - 21st July 2024. Join us in Bali in 2024 - Our Retreat AND first in-person EHT-100 Training are now booking! Contact Field Dynamics Email us at info@fielddynamicshealing.com fielddynamicshealing.com Thanks for listening!

I loved this interview with Elena Rossi which I recorded late last year. Elena is a female libido specialist, author of two books, pelvic trauma-release therapist and a sex toy designer. Her personal coaching brand is The Yoni Empire. We covered a lot of fertile topics in this conversation as Elena shared how much misunderstanding and confusion there is about sex, why its important to consider the meaning and purpose of your sex life, the difference between libido and desire, how to create a sex life that is worthy of wanting, how sex can be peaceful, what emotional safety is and how it is foundational to intimacy and a healthy libido, how sex has been diminished to physical sensations and entertainment and what's possible when you bring in the heart. We discussed how casual sex can be disempowering, the pressures on women dating and how some women are afraid to say they want a relationship and / or children. We also talked about how sex will evolve over the next decade and how to find the farmers market in your bedroom! It was a rich and powerful conversation and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Elena sharesHow women are secretly suffering in their sex lives Her experiencing of sexuality growing up in RussianHer experience healing of chronic yeast infections and pain How much misunderstanding and confusion there is about sexWhy its important to consider the meaning and purpose of your sex lifeWhat a female libido specialist isHer definition of libido and how libido differs from desire and eroticism How to create a sex life that is worthy of wantingWhat emotional safety is and how it is foundational to intimacy and a healthy libidoThe erotic trio of your mind heart and body What peaceful sex isHow sex is diminished to physical sensations and how the presence of the heart is lackingWhy awareness is the first step in changing your sexual experiences and what you can get curious aboutWhat ‘invitation to penetration' is The influences of Diana Richardson and Barry Long How sex is viewed as entertainment How casual sex can be disempowering The pressures on women datingHow women are afraid to say they want a relationship and / or childrenHer definition of sexual empowerment Her view on how sex will evolve over the next decade How to find the farmers market in your bedroom!Elena Rossi is a female libido specialist, author of two books, pelvic trauma-release therapist and a sex toy designer. She holds degrees in Business, Psychology, Entrepreneurship and Leadership and has created a number of successful wellness concepts, including slow-pleasure brand Onna Lifestyle, holistic clinic and cafe AlchemyBali and her personal coaching brand The Yoni Empire. Elena's content reflects her no-bullshit approach to sexual wellbeing and is followed by thousands of women all over the world. A sensual connoisseur at heart, Elena Rossi inspires and supports women to explore the nourishing power of sexuality infused with purpose and meaning. You can find Elena writing her book series at her studio in Amsterdam, riding her bicycle around town, trail running in the woods and spending time with her loved ones. RESOURCES FROM ELENAWebsite : www.theyoniempire.com Instagram : @the_yoni_empire You can buy Elena's ebook '500 Revealing Questions for Lovers' with a special E5 discount by using the code SARAH ROSE

Egal, ob ihr schon jahrelang zusammen seid oder euch gerade erst kennenlernt: Mit einer Tantric Date Night macht ihr euch das schönste Geschenk. Nicht nur zum Valentinstag. In dieser Podcast-Episode erfährst du, warum regelmäßige Verabredungen zu Intimität so wichtig sind, wie ihr eure Tantric Date Night gestalten könnt und die vier wichtigen Tools, die eure Intimität auf ein neues Level heben. Entdeckt neue Zustände der Lust, erlebt eine tiefe sinnliche Verbindung und stärkeres Vertrauen, das nicht nur eure Sexualität, sondern eure gesamte Beziehung bereichern wird. Show Notes: 〰️ Hol dir hier mein gratis Eröffnungs-Ritual für eure Tantric Date Night 〰️ Blogbeitrag zur Podcast-Folge (inkl. Transkript) 〰️ Buchempfehlung zur Folge: “Heart of Tantric Sex” von Diana Richardson

Ein neuer Themenmonat hat geschlagen und Katharina und Ferdinand schleichen sich mit der Praktik Slow-Sex an die spirituellen Hemisphären heran. In dieser Folge klären die beiden auf, was sich hinter dem Trend genau verbirgt, bashen nebenbei das empfundene Dogma des Lustverbots der Diana Richardson, erzählen wie sie zwischen Schläfrigkeit und Zervix-Orgasmus im Grunde doch eigentlich nur stundenlang Genital-kuscheln und wie sie mit der hierfür untersagten Erektion umgegangen sind. Sie berichten von ihren Cheats der Herzrhythmusmassage am Penis oder des vaginalen Flöte Spielens, plädieren am Ende für eine befreite und lebendige Sexualität in Bewusstheit und teilen, wie mensch das machen kann. Abonniert den Kanal, um nichts zu verpassen. Für heiße Hinblicke hinter die Kulissen tragt euch in den Newsletter ein. Um die beiden auch privat zu sehen und Infos vorab zur Folge zu bekommen, folgt ihrem IG-Account @liebelei.co Die Produkte und Kurse der Liebelei findet unter liebelei.co Hier könnt ihr den beiden Liebesbriefe schreiben. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/fucketlist/message

In this week's episode of Menopause Conversations I am talking with Janet McGeever who is the Co-Author of Tantric Sex and Menopause (with Diana Richardson). This was a beautiful conversation with Janet gently sharing how it is possible to be intimate after menopause despite the changes that happening in our bodies. Janet's book and this conversation is about relearning what we think we know about intimate relationships. She shares the importance of understanding energy, receiving and giving, when it comes to intimacy. I really enjoyed this conversation with Janet, her voice is so gentle and she holds space while we talk about a topic that can be a sensitive one for many women. I thoroughly enjoyed reading her book and had many ahha moments as I was reading through. There is so much that we can still learn about intimate relationships, things that are completely different to what we have learnt in the past. I hope that you enjoy this conversation and if you would like to learn more about Janet you can visit her website at www.janetmcgeever.com or www.makingloveretreat.com.au. You can also find Janet on facebook and instagram as @janetmcgeever. I would love you to leave us a review about what you thought about this conversation, let me know what you think. The more reviews that the podcast gets the more it will show up in the various podcast platforms search options. I will be back next week with another episode of Menopause Conversations Podcast.

What a year of interviews (and solo shows) on the topics of health, consciousness, and natural law, aka “The Veda”. In this episode I give a brief summary of my personal top 3 favourite episodes of 2022 as well as your (the audience) favourite episodes, and the wisdom that was shared by experts in their fields.Plus, I list a few extra episodes that nearly made the cut, in honour of these high-class interviews.I also give a sneak synopsis preview of the AWESOME interviews yet to be released in 2023, some very special ways to learn and study authentic Ayurveda in 2023, as well as Your (our audience's) most listened to podcast episodes of 2022.So if you are not a die-hard who has listened to every episode of the VV Podcast, this episode is a great way to be directed to the best episodes of 2022, as a starting point of course to the portal of wisdom within the Vital Veda Podcast archives.IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

Sex is arguably one of the most enjoyable aspects of the human experience and yet it's one of the least understood and most unconsciously performed parts of most people's lives.   Tantra expert and author of ‘The Heart of Tantric Sex' Diana Richardson has devoted her life to teaching others how to make sex more enjoyable and more fulfilling.   In this episode she explains the stark difference between unconscious and conscious approaches to sexual experience and shares some practical steps for immediately improving the quality of your sex life.   https://coachnicg.com/the-heart-of-tantric-sex-diana-richardson/   You'll Learn: How changing your relationship to sex can create more flow and ease in your life How impressions from both our childhood and society can have unconscious effects on our sex lives Why orgasms are actually counter-productive to the best sexual experience A new perspective on the relationship between love and sex     Quotes:   “Nothing is wrong with movement, but it's generally speaking as fast as possible, backwards and forwards, trying to raise the level of excitement. So it's all very sensation based.” – Diana Richardson   “So the basic story is to come to the present and more in your body, instead of being much into thought.” .” – Diana Richardson   “if we all made love as a humanity in a more sensitive, delicate, aware way, we would actually be living in a different world.” – Diana Richardson   “Through conscious sex, through being more aware through being natural, and less ego, so actually, sex, in and of itself is one of the biggest doorways to ecstatic experiences.” – Diana Richardson       ***   We hope you enjoyed this episode of The Nicholas Gregoriades Show! Nic loves hearing from his listeners. Feel free to email him, connect on YouTube, and follow him on Instagram.   You can also catch fresh episodes weekly when you subscribe to the show.   Listen to The Nicholas Gregoriades Show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,  Google Podcasts and other major podcast platforms.   *** Get a copy of Nic's book 'Aligned, The Modern Man's Guide to Health, Wealth & Freedom'   https://coachnicg.com/book

Data is great. Every SEO should use data. But data that is not contextualized can be worthless at best and extremely misleading at worst. Semrush's Diana Richardson joins the SEO Rant Podcast to talk about the need for contextualized SEO data: * Why SEO data needs to be qualified * The need to see the larger picture when analyzing data * SEO tools can't think for you It's easy to make data the be all end all and final word on everything. This is particularly true in SEO where there is simply an abundance of data. However, for the data to actually be helpful in meeting the end goal of SEO (to grow sites through organic traffic) it has to be qualified. Semrush's Diana Richardson and Mordy Oberstein discuss how to use SEO data the right way!

Evolve Podcast Episode #378 Diana Richardson is the author of Tantric Sex for Men, The Heart of Tantric Sex and Tantric Orgasm for Women and is a teacher and practitioner of holistic body therapies. Born in South Africa, she became the disciple of tantric Master Osho in India in 1979. She is now based in Europe and travels extensively with her partner, hosting weeklong retreats for couples in tantric lovemaking. Due to extreme censorship and shadow banning, we have created a platform challenging the mainstream paradigm, to create a space to share vision and views, to create long term sustainable health solutions. To express without censorship and restriction. To allow freedom of speech and interest in ideas that will allow humanity to Evolve… Become part of the solution. We hope you've enjoyed this podcast - if you'd like to listen to more, please visit the Evolve Network I'd love to know your thoughts and experiences - join the conversation on my Facebook page - https://www.facebook.com/evolvenetworktv Instagram @evolvenetworktv https://www.instagram.com/evolvenetworktv/ Follow Pete Evans accounts here https://campsite.bio/peteevans Sign Up for our Newsletter

Welcome to this conversation with Janet McGeever, co-author of Tantric Sex and Menopause, a teacher of The Making Love, creator of Womantime and Psychotherapist. Having experienced a challenging journey around sex and menopause in her 40's, her discovery of Diana Richardson's approach to sexuality flipped her despair to inspiration and hope. She began writing about sex and menopause in 2009 after experiencing The Making Love Retreat with Diana Richardson, which culminated in co-authoring with Diana in 2015. This began a journey of introspection and research to unearth these two taboo topics and it has become her mission to dispel the myths about menopausal women.Janet shares what she learnt her body needed at menopause and how that differed from earlier years, why goal focused sex doesn't work for many women especially at peri menopause and menopause, how to make love in relaxation (whether with a partner or own your own), how the breasts can activate sexual energy and how to awaken subtle awareness in the breasts, why it's good to not focus on lack of desire (and what to focus on instead!), why is it so important for men to understand the affect menopause can have on the women in their lives, what men need to know about menopause and sex, how the conscious sex approach can help women with a range of issues and changes in their bodies such as pain during sex and reduced lubrication and why Kegel exercises are not the solution to prolapse and more! Janet shares:How Janet came to write a book about tantric sex and menopause with Diana RichardsonWhat Janet learnt that her body needed at menopause and how that differed from earlier yearsThe role of hormones in your health and wellbeingThe importance of oxytocinWhy goal focused sex doesn't work for many women especially at peri menopause and menopause How to make love in relaxation (whether with a partner or own your own) and how that differs from how we learn to ‘do' sex The importance of transitions from our busy lives to presence and making loveHow the breasts can activate sexual energy and how to awaken subtle awareness in the breastsWhy it's good to not focus on lack of desire, and what to focus on insteadWhy is it so important for men to understand the affect menopause can have on the women in their livesWhat men need to know about menopause and sexWhy changes in sex at menopause is an opportunity for both partners to step beyond sexual conditioning and experiment with different and deeper ways to create pleasure - its not just about the female partner who wants changes How the conscious sex approach can help women with a range of issues and changes in their bodies from lack of desire, pain during sex, reduced lubrication and the thinning of their vaginal walls Healing from prolapse and why Kegel exercises are not the solutionJanet is co-author of Tantric Sex and Menopause, has taught The Making Love Retreat in Australia since 2012, and is creator of Womantime, Ancient Wisdom for the Modern Day Woman. As a Psychotherapist, she has supported couples for over 20 years in private practice to connect more deeply in their intimate relationships. Having experienced a challenging journey around sex and menopause in her 40's, her discovery of Diana Richardson's approach to sexuality flipped her despair to inspiration and hope. She began writing about sex and menopause in 2009 after experiencing The Making Love Retreat with Diana Richardson, which culminated in co-authoring with Diana in 2015. This began a journey of introspection and research to unearth these two taboo topics. Her mission became to dispel the myth of the menopausal woman - that she is not broken, that this is not the end. In fact it is potentially the beginning of the most sensual time of a woman's...

Hey, Herspiration Happy Hour fans! Did you tune in this past Wed, August 24, 2022, at 7 pm EST on our FB, YouTube, or Twitch channel for Season 5 Episode 25 LIVE. Our guest was Diana Richardson-Phillipus.Diana Richardson-Phillipus is the founder and CEO of Empowered Women Empower - a company that hosts pop-up shops, conferences, seminars, and lavish networking events for business-minded women. She is also the founder of Bronzed GLO Beauty, a luxury Organic Cosmetic and Beauty brand - currently sold online and available in six retail locations.Connect with her on IG/FB: @empoweredwomenempowerFacebook: @SheisdianaDon't forget you can be a part of the conversation during the show!!Connect with us on IG:@iamdpgurley@thegirlfriendtherapist@thebluephoenixhealsCatch up on past episodes on Apple Podcast, iHeartRadio, Pandora, Amazon Music, Spotify, Google Podcast, and many other platforms.#podcast #season5 #empoweringwomen #goaldiggers #ladybosstribe #inspiration #womanceo #empowerher ##savvybusinessowner #womensupportingwomen #thisgirlmeansbusiness #motivation #womenempowermentSupport the show

In Freiheit verbunden und gleichzeitig in Verbindung frei zu sein. Wie kommen wir dahin? Zunächst sprechen wir darüber, was Verbundenheit überhaupt ist. Linda Klein und ich sprechen über die Verbundenheit zwischen Menschen, zu uns selbst und auch, sich allem was ist verbunden zu fühlen. Wie wir dies im Leben wahrnehmen und ansteuern können, unabhängig davon wo man sich befindet - örtlich aber auch in Bezug auf die Lebenssituation. Es ist auch wichtig, zu verstehen, dass sich diese beiden Grundbedürfnisse - Freisein und Verbundensein - nicht gegenseitig ausschliessen. Wir sprechen auch über die innere und äussere Freiheit. Das führt uns direkt zu “Next Level Beziehungen”, bei denen es darum geht, sich wahrhaftig zu zeigen, mit all seinen Bedürfnissen und Wünschen. Linda erklärt uns auch was Beziehungsmuster sind, wie sie entstehen können und wie wir sie transformieren. Linda Klein ist Psychologin, integrative Traumatherapeutin und ganzheitlicher Coach und begleitet Einzelpersonen und Paare raus aus alten Bindungsmustern und festgefahrenen Beziehungsdynamiken hin zu wahrhaftig nährenden und glücklichen Beziehungen. Ihr Wissen und ihre Erfahrungen gibt sie auch in ihrem Podcast „Next Level Beziehungen - In Freiheit verbunden. In Verbindung frei sein“ weiter, denn sie wünscht sich eine Welt, in der wir alle mehr und mehr wahrhaftig verbunden sind - mit uns selbst, mit anderen und mit allem was ist. ____________________ LINKS TO LINDA Website: https://linda-klein.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/linda.klein.94/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/linda.klein_/ Podcast: www.linda-klein.com/podcast ____________________ LINKS MENTIONED IN THE INTERVIEW Slow Sex by Diana Richardson: https://amzn.to/3BrDoSu Podcast Episode “Sowohl als auch - Embracing All Possibilities and Sensations”: https://andrinatisi.com/episode-066/ ____________________ CONNECT WITH ME Website: www.andrinatisi.com Instagram: www.instagram.com/andrinatisi/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/andrinatisiLIFECURATION

I am super excited to share this interview with Diana Richardson who is considered one of today's leading authorities on human sexuality.  Diana is known as the pioneer of Slow Sex and has been running ‘making love' workshops for couples since 1993.  She has also written 8 books on how in practical ways a person can experience a more fulfilling sex and love life.  I have every one of Diana's books and her work has hugely influenced both my personal and professional life so to chat with her was such a treat.   Diana has a beautiful way of articulating about sex, intimacy, love and Tantra and she shares her grounded and deep wisdom on how we learn sex unconsciously and the common elements and patterns of ‘conventional sex', how to unlearn ingrained habits, how to keep the sexual temperature cooler, why ‘conscious sex' is a better phrase than ‘slow sex', the keys to ‘conscious sex',  why a man fears losing his erection, how sex is often used as a way to discharge tension and stress, why sexual arousal is not a prerequisite for ‘conscious sex', how to invite your partner to explore a different style of sex and what happens in Diana's workshops.  There is SO much I didn't get to ask Diana so I am delighted she is up for round two in the autumn. Enjoy!!  Diana shares:   How we learn sex unconsciously and the common elements of ‘conventional sex' How being in our bodies is a key to a different type of sex  Why ‘conscious sex' is a better phrase than ‘slow sex' (the title of Diana's book)  The keys to ‘conscious sex'  How standing with an even distribution of weight shifts your perception How finding an anchor point in your body can support you to bring more awareness into the moment  The difference between ‘looking out' and receptive vision  How to unlearn ingrained habits such as going for the goal How to keep the sexual temperature cooler and contain your sexual vitality  The patterns Diana sees in men and women during ‘conventional sex' How to invite your partner to explore a different style of sex  Why the subtle sensations are little seeds Why a man fears losing his erection  Reframing a soft penis as a ‘relaxed penis'  How to have penetration with a ‘relaxed penis' What a ‘spontaneous erection' is  How playing with sex can open up whole new adventures in life  Why Diana wrote her new book ‘Cool Sex'  What happens in Diana's workshops Why sexual arousal is not a prerequisite for ‘conscious sex' How sex is often used as a way to discharge tension and stress  Diana Richardson is considered one of today's leading authorities on human sexuality, and she is known as the pioneer of Slow Sex. She has written 8 books on how in practical ways a person can experience a more fulfilling sex and love life. Born in South Africa in 1954, she first qualified as a lawyer (B.A.LLB), and then trained as a massage therapist (ITEC) in the UK. Her interest in the body and healing prompted an intense personal exploration into the union of sex and meditation - the essence of Tantra. Since 1993, together with her partner, Michael, she has been sharing her insights and experiences with couples who travel from many different parts of the world to participate in their informative and life changing ‘making love' workshops in Switzerland. RESOURCES FROM DIANA  Website:  http://www.livinglove.com/ (www.livinglove.com) https://www.loveforcouples.com/ (https://www.loveforcouples.com/) BOOKS  1. The Heart of Tantric Sex - ‘O' Books UK. (first published as The Love Keys ) 2. Tantric Orgasm for Women - Destiny Books USA 3. Tantric Love: Feeling vs Emotion - Golden Rules to Make Love Easy  ‘O' Books UK. with Michael Richardson (Raja) 4. Tantric Sex for Men - Making Love a Meditation. Destiny Books USA. with Michael Richardson (Raja) 5. Slow Sex - Destiny Books...

Wrenn talks with Diana Richardson, author of The Heart of Tantric Sex, as well as seven other books in the same realm. First of all, let's get one thing straight: it's a myth that sex goes away once you've been married for so many years. It doesn't have to be like that. Sometimes, the problem isn't your partner: it's you. Diana tells Wrenn the key to changing the way you make love. They discuss the importance of awareness and how to incorporate intentional sex in a busy lifestyle with added stress from your career and kids. Diana tells us what to do if your partner is the one pulling away from sex. She gives advice to anyone with erectile dysfunction or body image insecurities and tells us why pornography can be detrimental to your relationship. Sex CAN improve the longer you're with someone. And you don't have to be 'horny' to do it. Diana is extremely experienced, working with couples from all over the world for many many years. Some of these married couples haven't had sex in up to 10 years; and, within 2 days of working with her, they're doing it again. This is an extremely informational episode for anyone in a long term romantic partnership or marriage (or if you plan to be at any point in your life). Visit Diana's website www.loveforcouples.com for more information about her, her books and the infamous couples' retreat she talks about. Diana, enlightened us, b!#©h... to say the least.

In today's world we are accustomed to fast & quick results.  Some of us forget to slow down and take the world and people around us in. Yet it is in the slowing down that we get to fully experience the gifts of this life. Sex is no exception! In this episode, world renowned sex educator Diana Richardson, speaks to us about how how slowing down with that special someone during intimacy can enhance our connection and bring us closer together so we can experience the essence of our sexual partner and they us.  So do what you do before listening to a podcast & take this in. There are gold nuggets for you to take away. Happy ‘slow Sex' SXY friends!

In this episode are going to talk about sex and I have such a beautiful soul on the podcast with me. Sarah Rose Bright a leading Sex and Intimacy Coach and Sexologist and creator of https://www.sarahrosebright.co.uk/blog/intimate-sexuality-a-fresh-approach-to-sex/ (Intimate Sexuality). Sarah is on a mission to inspire women and couples to discover your sexual pleasure and awaken your sexual confidence, so that you can truly enjoy sex, create healthy relationships, and your life can fully blossom. Topics/Themes in this episode: Sarah's journey of sexuality and healing  The three biggest “STIs” — a chat about guilt, shame, and fear. What Intimate Sexuality is Goal-based sex. The significance of listening to our bodies. Why a relationship with sex is important for the future of our world  Bringing human design and the gene keys into this work. Taking your sexuality to another level  Connect with Sarah: Website: https://www.sarahrosebright.co.uk/ (https://www.sarahrosebright.co.uk/)   IG: https://www.instagram.com/sarahrosebright/ (https://www.instagram.com/sarahrosebright/)  Podcast: https://www.sarahrosebright.co.uk/podcast/ (https://www.sarahrosebright.co.uk/podcast/)  Some of Sarah's book Recommendations: https://www.amazon.com/Slow-Sex-Fulfilling-Sustainable-Sexuality/dp/159477367X (Slow Sex by Diana Richardson) https://www.amazon.com/s?k=come+as+you+are+by+emily+nagoski%2C+ph.d&i=stripbooks&crid=2XZBY3IU0TZV&sprefix=come+as+%2Cstripbooks%2C131&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_1_8 (Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski ) Connect with Amanda: Instagram Website + Embodied Essence Community https://amandamonnier.com/healing/inner-freedom-sovereignty-healing (Free Meditation)

Some of what Diana shares includes: Her path to becoming a teacher Conventional vs. tantric sex Loss of tension vs relaxation Tantra for all sexual orientations Seeking sensitivity vs sensation Generating love Keeping cool Ejaculation control vs non-ejaculation Myth of the tight vagina Purpose of genitals to transmit and receive The Love Keys Parents and supporting child body awareness Pain during lovemaking Communication and touch Kissing and the nervous system Magnetic bodies, breasts and perineum Catching indicators of emotional disconnection. Importance of expressed feelings for love ~ Diana: www.livinglove.com Diana's Tedx Talk: Power of Mindful Sex Podcast: https://oliviaclementine.com/podcasts

On this week's episode we talk with Diana Richardson on the power of mindful sex.Diana Richardson is known as the pioneer of the Slow Sex movement and, along with her partner, Michael Richardson, is the creator of the life-changing weeklong Making Love Retreat, which they have been offering in Europe since 1995. She wrote her first book in 1996, published as The Love Keys in 1999, and then later republished as The Heart of Tantric Sex, a best seller. Since then has written a further 7 books on the tantric approach to love and sex. These are translated into German, Spanish, French, with certain books translated in Russian, Korean, Czech, and Estonian.Diana is now based in Switzerland with Michael, where they continue to guide couples in the art of slow, conscious sex in their highly successful Making Love Retreats. For more information about their backgrounds, retreats, books, please visit their websites:www.livinglove.com or www.love4couples.com

Diana Richardson from Semrush joins us again on the NerdBrand Podcast! And holds the title for most guest appearances!Diana is a Social Media & Community Manager + on the Agency Team at Semrush. She's an expert in SEO, PPC, social, email and now...she's a Public Speaker!Join us as we ask, “How far is too far?" in the context of brand differentiation. Diana did her homework and shares a few real-world examples of brands that have done a great job differentiating themselves from their competitors.Deliver a Unique Point-of-Purchase ExperienceDistinctive Brand CollateralUse a MascotMake it ConvenientStand Out on ShelvesAppeal to EmotionsShockPersonalize Your Product Some Helpful Linksnerbrandagency.comsemrush.com https://www.linkedin.com/in/

Diana Richardson from Semrush joins us again on the NerdBrad Podcast, and holds the title for most guest appearances! Diana is Social Media & Community Manager + Agency Team at Semrush. She's an expert in SEO, PPC, Social, Email and now...she's a Public Speaker! Join us as we ask, “How far is too far: standing naked, I mean apart from your competitors.” Or as Diana helped this episode, “Let's talk about some real-world examples of brands that have done a good job differentiating themselves from their competitors.” Let's get into the examples of brands that we noticed. Some ways others do it. Deliver a Unique Point-of-Purchase Experience Distinctive Brand Collateral Use a Mascot Make it Convenient Stand Out on Shelves Appeal to Emotions Shock Personify Your Product Some Helpful Links www.nerbrandagency.com www.SEMrush.com  https://www.linkedin.com/in/

Diana Richardson of SEMRush joins me to discuss the topic. We chat about: Why community matters Where to build it Where to start How to keep it relevant What's the right size of a niche Join us and check out SEMRush here: https://www.semrush.com/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/ctrappe/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/ctrappe/support

Ask the Lawyer - You have questions, we've got the answers! Whatever your legal issue or concern, call us right now - 855-768-8845 0r schedule an appointment at www.askthelawyer.us

Are you caught up in the ever repeating known of sex that only slightly fulfils you? mainly short term?Diana Richardson has been teaching Tantra and assisting couples transform their relationships for decades.She is a highly experienced teacher, facilitator and author in supporting couples to go beyond quick dopamine-hits of hot conventional sex to experience greater fulfilment, intimacy and love. What love-making experiences await beyond “climaxes“ of orgasm and ejaculation?How to transform mechanical repetition of sex to a timeless sexual experience?Containing the Life Force -  overcoming pre-mature ejaculation and enlivening The Penis as a Potent Electromagnetic Instrument.How to enhance sensitivity and desire and dissolve sexual reluctance - especially in the second half of life and post-menopause? IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:❤️  The Imprint That Modern Society Makes On Us Regarding Sex and Sexuality❤️  The Meaning Behind the Concept of Tantric Sex❤️  Cold Sex as Opposed to Hot Sex ❤️  How The Energies Play Out During and After Sexual Climax❤️  Moving Away from Habitual Ways of Love Making and Engaging in Tantric Sex❤️  Transcending Performance Anxiety in Men❤️  Practical Tips on How To First Approach Tantric Sex❤️  Tantric Sex Tips Specifically for Same-Sex Partners❤️  Menopause and Sexual ActivityABOUT OUR GUEST: Diana RichardsonBorn in Zululand, South Africa, obtained a degree in Law from University of Natal (B.A.LLB).She is a teacher of Therapeutic Massage since 1978 (ITEC). In 1979 she became a disciple of the Indian mystic Osho. Her interest in meditation touch and healing initiated an exploration into Tantra, the union of sex and meditation. In 1993 she began teaching Tantra to couples. Writing as Diana Richardson, her first book was published in 1999. Since then she has written seven additional books, two of which are with Michael Richardson as co-author.Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/donate/?token=y_kaqK9wLLV2hJsCYl7mFwBcEPNGyuzRIZuHMW5dxoRj2vyQJPvcov1xOO9ZUsn_lG-6Km&country.x=AU&locale.x=AU)

In this episode of the Us People Podcast. Diana Richardson** – Author of Cool Sex - Sex Educator & Therapist and I have a very open and free conversation when we talk about, sex education, trusting your body, about her book: Cool Sex, Which she wrote specifically for young adults, where she was raised and how that influenced her to be the person who she is now, the injustice and oppression in those days and being one of the privileged class, and about  being the creator of the life-changing weeklong Making Love Retreat, which they {Diana & Michael} have been offering for couples in Europe since 1995. {Thank You So much, Diana Richardson for being a guest who is open mined and believes in the light of positivity and educating}"Your body is a tool of expression that you and only you should have control over" {Use it to express your energy in how you love yourself and each other} - Savia Rocks"The Power of Mindful Sex" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqyW35EMLuMFor more information about their backgrounds, retreats, books, please visit their websites: www.livinglove.com or www.love4couples.comBecome Part of The Us People Podcast Community & Donate: https://donorbox.org/us-people-podcastSavia Rocks Website: https://www.savia.rocks/Support the show (https://donorbox.org/us-people-podcast)

Thank you Newsstand Studio at 1 Rockefeller Plaza for providing a place for me to record this episode for y'all! No more Brooklyn closet recording!!!   Welcome to the TRC Remix Series #9. If you're not sure what this series is click here for more info!   For today's second to last TRC Remix episode we have love coach Shaun Galanos. I freakin' LOVE this guy. He's a straight shooter and to the point...which honestly is what we need sometimes in dating. For this episode, we collected some of your top dating questions and answered them for you! We cover everything from cheating to ghosting to finances to ‘how do you know if they're the one?' to what to do if you hate online dating.  “Why do men ghost? Especially if the man asked for my number and texted me.” They don't care They don't want to have an uncomfortable conversation with you That's all they know how to do They want to ghost you before you ghost them They want to hurt you/make you sad They don't want to hurt your feelings They feel guilty   “How do I manage finances in relationships when we have different standards of spending habits?” Values around money and debt are important— you should share those values. The money conversation can be a turnoff or red flag for someone if you bring it up early on.   “How do you know if it's the right person, just the wrong time?” If what you're really asking is: “Am I making the right choice? Is there better?” Stop overthinking! “I've been rejected, but should I just wait for them?” Move on! “If someone says no, take it as a no, believe them, and let the universe sort it out on the back end.”   “Can I build a relationship with someone I used to cheat with?” You can do anything you want in life, but ask yourself “Is this good for me?” There are so many ways to view a situation like this, some are fantasies and some are more riddled with problems. If it's something you really want to pursue, go to counseling with that person to work on how you can make this relationship better.   “Be honest, have you ever decided not to date a girl because of her ethnicity?” Neither of us have not dated someone because of their ethnicity. I share what I've noticed of my own behavior on dating apps when it comes to race and how I've been reflecting on that and learning what has influenced that behavior.   “How can I make the first move without being too forward/intimidating as a woman?”   “Just do it. Stop sitting on the sidelines hoping that he notices you and just do it.”   It's time to move on from the whole “men are hunters and women are prey” analogy, because guess what? Hunters don't woo their prey! Ask yourself what's holding you back— are you afraid of asking because you're afraid of the answer?   “How do you date in 2020 when you really hate internet dating?” Ask yourself: what did people do before online dating became a thing? Don't look down on the idea of being set-up! Get used to saying hi to strangers.   “How can I get context when it's basically over text due to distance?” So I guess we've all just forgotten about phone calls, huh? Pick up the phone! You can get so much more context in a conversation when you hear their voice. I know a lot of us feel safer over text, but it's so incomplete. Always make sure the big conversations are done over the phone or in person.   “I like masturbation, but I'm worried I'm not going to like sex when I get married.” Focus on masturbation now and worry about sex later. If you understand your own pleasure, you are setting yourself up for some really positive experiences with your partner.   “Start talking about sex…so that it becomes a natural part of your relationship.”   The book Slow Sex by Diana Richardson explores the idea that you should focus on your own pleasure and ask for what you want. ***None of this is possible without communication!****   “You will get more information when you ask for the thing that you want.”    One of my big takeaways from Shaun is that we have the permission to communicate exactly what we want, need, and desire from day one in any relationship or interaction.    If you're unclear where you stand, have a conversation. If you want to ask someone out, just ask them out. If you want clarity, ask for it.   I love how Shaun put it in our convo: “You will get more information when you ask for the thing that you want.”    It may sound scary, but it's actually so incredibly FREEING.   Resources Keep up with Shaun on IG at @thelovedrive and on TikTok at @thelovedrive. Check out his course on healthy communication at thelovedrive.com. Shaun's Love Drive videos on YouTube. IG post about why men ghost. An article Shaun wrote about ghosting. An IGTV Shaun did all about ghosting. Read Slow Sex by Diana Richardson Want to dive into a deeper conversation about masturbation? Listen to the Masturbation Series on The Refined Collective. Want to dive into a deeper conversation about sex? Check out Dr. Celeste Holbrook on The Refined Collective. I have become very invested in taking care of my skin— I just wish I had started earlier! Swedish skincare company Foreo strives to turn daily routines into vibrant rituals and celebrate aging gracefully. They bundled their most popular products into a bundle that is sold exclusively on Amazon. Go to Amazon.com and use coupon code REFINEDC50 to grab the set for $199 (it is valued at over $300!) If you're a creative, you know the drill. You're finally done editing. It's perfect. Now you just need to format...and re-format...for every single platform. With Issuu, make it once, and it's ready to post everywhere. Issuu is the all-in-one platform to create and distribute beautiful digital publications, from brochures to magazines to sales collateral and more. Get started with Issuu today for FREE or if you sign up for a premium account you will get 50% off when you go to ISSUU.com/podcast and use promo code KAT. Finding a bra that fits, is comfortable, and cute or sexy… it feels impossible. I recently had an enjoyable bra shopping experience with the female-founded and led company Natori. They have everything from size A to G. Go to Natori.com and apply the code REFINED at checkout for 15% off at checkout. Be sure to use the hashtag #MyNatori on social media.

This week we chat with Diana Richardson, Social Media & Community Manager for the SEO division of Semrush, all about SERP features. Where to find Diana: Twitter: https://twitter.com/DianaRich013 (https://twitter.com/DianaRich013) LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/%F0%9F%8D%B7-diana-richardson-8965a317/ --- Resources: https://www.semrush.com/blog/ --- Episode Sponsor This season is sponsored by NOVOS. NOVOS, the London-based eCommerce SEO agency, has won multiple awards for its eCommerce SEO campaigns including Best Global SEO Agency of The Year 2 years running working with brands like Bloom & Wild and Not On The High Street. They are running an exclusive Shopify SEO roundtable for eCommerce leaders on September 23rd with limited spaces available. If you're interested, reach out to them via thisisnovos.com or message their co-founder Antonio Wedral on LinkedIn. Where to find Novos: Website - https://thisisnovos.com/ LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/company/thisisnovos Twitter - https://twitter.com/thisisnovos Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/thisisnovos/ --- Episode Transcript: Sarah: Hello and a very warm welcome to the Women in Tech SEO podcast, I am Sarah McDowell, SEO Content Executive at Holland and Barrett, and I am your host for today. We have Diana Richardson joining us today, who is social media and community manager for the SEO unit at SEMRush. Hello, Diana. Diana: Sarah. Oh, my gosh. I could just listen to you all day. I love your voice. Sarah: Thank you. Maybe I need to think of ways to make money out of my voice. Maybe that's what I need to do? Diana: Yeah, you definitely should. Sarah:  I feel like we've already cleared something up. So, it is SEMRush rather than S-E-M-rush? Diana: Yes, and we have a lot of fun with how you pronounce our name. But in December of 2020, we went through a rebrand and we revisited our logo, and you'll notice our name is not capitalised as much as it used to be. So, we definitively made it Semrush in December of 2020. But in my career of all these years, I've always called it SEM Rush. So, it was a big change for me too. I've just now kind of get it down. Sarah: There you go. You've heard it here official. Well, let's start by getting to know you, Diana, so please would you be so kind and give us a brief overview of yourself? So, what you do and how you got into this wonderful world of SEO. Diana: My SEO journey started in 2006 when I answered an ad in the paper. Yes, we did not have things like indeed at that time and neither was SEO as a career choice. So, the ad was actually for a marketing specialist. And so, I sat down for the interview and the woman who would become my manager described SEO and PPC to me, and it was with a company that was transitioning from print to digital. So, I learned this from the ground up, brand spanking new, no training in college, with my clients, hands-on for 15 years. It's the best way to learn. I was with them for quite a long time, but then I wanted to branch out beyond SEO. And so, I found a job as a digital marketing director where I got to learn social media, email, branding, storytelling, all of those beautiful elements, and then actually networked my way to the job here at Semrush, which combines both of my loves, which is talking to people and SEO. So, it worked out great. Sarah: Are you ready for me to do a quick-fire round of questions? Diana: Yes. [Quick Fire Questions] Sarah: There are loads of ways that you can be creative. You don't have to draw. What empowers you to be the brilliant woman that you are today? Diana: Besides my genes? I love this question because I think it has been a 38-year journey, right? We learn things every step of the way. And what has empowered me to be how I am, where I am, is finding that it was OK to be me. Many, many more doors have opened for me just being myself, including my job with Semrush and being part of the Women in Tech SEO

FIFTH SEASONS?! Yes! We started a tradition when heading into season two of having reunions of the previous season's guests, and it's the highlight of doing this show for us! In this first part of the season four reunion we have brought together Troy Sandidge, Gary J. Nix, Jim Fuhs, Diana Richardson, Kendra Losee, and Christina Garnett! We check in to recap their episode and have them answer "one big question"... This time: "What is the biggest business lesson you've learned through this (ongoing) pandemic that will help you (and our listeners) forevermore?"  The result is a very insightful and lively conversation! GUESTS & their episodes from season four: Troy Sandidge - Marketing Strategy, Ep. 65 Gary J. Nix - Challenges in Media Communication - Ep. 76 Jim Fuhs - How to Build a Livestreaming Show - Ep. 69 Diana Richardson - Scintillating Search Tips (SEO) - Ep. 74 Kendra Losee - Marketing CBD - Ep. 60 Christina Garnett - Visual Intelligence - Ep. 71   We are "Making a Marketer"... in all ways. Check out episode 86 -- and please take a minute to follow, rate, & review us on iTunes & get each ep. when it drops! https://bit.ly/mamITuneNEW ::: This episode is sponsored by Powers of Marketing - emPOWERing strategic communication ::: ** Our NEW show music is provided by our GIFTED editor, MUSICIAN, Avri. Check out his song, "Too Close"! **

Welcum to “Pillow Talk,” the interview series of Pussy Church where Lara calls up her favorite creators to chat about their artistic process and sexuality. Today Lara's joined by Diana Richardson. Diana is a the author of of The Heart of Tantric Sex, Tantric Orgasm for Women and Tantric Sex for Men, and is a teacher and practitioner of holistic body therapies. Please enjoy this inspiring conversation about mindful sex, tantric practices and how to bring more awareness into your sex life. Into your love life really. Amen. You can find out more about Diana's work here. Her book ‘The Heart Of Tantric Sex' can be bought here. And while you're at it: check out her TedTalk now! 

Es soll ein Weg zur Erleuchtung sein, so zumindest wurde es in Indien einst verstanden. Hierzulande wird mit Tantra für bessere Sexualität und harmonischere Partnerschaften geworben. Was haben die westlichen Ausformungen dieser Strömung noch mit ihrer hinduistisch-buddhistischen Herkunft zu tun? Der globale kulturelle Austausch Ende des 19. Jahrhunderts brachte so einige religiöse und philosophische Ideen nach Europa. So war es auch beim Tantra. Was die Kolonialherren noch schockierte, weil es äusserst unkonventionelle Praktiken beinhaltete, begeisterte die Theosophische Gesellschaft umso mehr, weil sie im Tantra eine uralte Weisheit vermuteten. Die westliche Faszination für den «spirituellen Osten» nahm dann Mitte des 20. Jahrhunderts der Philosophieprofessor und spätere Guru Osho auf. Er verknüpfte tantrische Theorien und Rituale mit Psychotherapie und löste damit bis heute einen Boom aus. Wenn Forschende sich heute unsicher sind, ob die teils sexuell aufgeladenen tantrischen Texte nicht vielmehr metaphorisch zu verstehen sind, wird Tantra landläufig vorrangig damit assoziiert. Was also ist Tantra? Welche Rolle spielt Sexualität darin und wie hängt das alles mit der vielbesagten Erleuchtung zusammen? Diesen Fragen gehen Yves Bossart und Olivia Röllin in einer Begegnung der «Sternstunde Philosophie» und der «Sternstunde Religion» nach. Ihre Gäste sind Livia-Lea Maag, Tantra-Masseurin, Sophie Wennerscheid, Kulturwissenschaftlerin, Jan-Ulrich Sobisch, Tibetologe, und Diana Richardson, Tantra-Meisterin. Diese Sendung ist eine Wiederholung vom 28. März 2021.

Es soll ein Weg zur Erleuchtung sein, so zumindest wurde es in Indien einst verstanden. Hierzulande wird mit Tantra für bessere Sexualität und harmonischere Partnerschaften geworben. Was haben die westlichen Ausformungen dieser Strömung noch mit ihrer hinduistisch-buddhistischen Herkunft zu tun? Der globale kulturelle Austausch Ende des 19. Jahrhunderts brachte so einige religiöse und philosophische Ideen nach Europa. So war es auch beim Tantra. Was die Kolonialherren noch schockierte, weil es äusserst unkonventionelle Praktiken beinhaltete, begeisterte die Theosophische Gesellschaft umso mehr, weil sie im Tantra eine uralte Weisheit vermuteten. Die westliche Faszination für den «spirituellen Osten» nahm dann Mitte des 20. Jahrhunderts der Philosophieprofessor und spätere Guru Osho auf. Er verknüpfte tantrische Theorien und Rituale mit Psychotherapie und löste damit bis heute einen Boom aus. Wenn Forschende sich heute unsicher sind, ob die teils sexuell aufgeladenen tantrischen Texte nicht vielmehr metaphorisch zu verstehen sind, wird Tantra landläufig vorrangig damit assoziiert. Was also ist Tantra? Welche Rolle spielt Sexualität darin und wie hängt das alles mit der vielbesagten Erleuchtung zusammen? Diesen Fragen gehen Yves Bossart und Olivia Röllin in einer Begegnung der «Sternstunde Philosophie» und der «Sternstunde Religion» nach. Ihre Gäste sind Livia-Lea Maag, Tantra-Masseurin, Sophie Wennerscheid, Kulturwissenschaftlerin, Jan-Ulrich Sobisch, Tibetologe, und Diana Richardson, Tantra-Meisterin. Diese Sendung ist eine Wiederholung vom 28. März 2021.

Should you make yourself appear more capable than you actually are? Or should you do it, in order to achieve your goals when you are actually capable?  Either way, people love the underdog.   Find Diana on Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/%F0%9F%8D%B7-diana-richardson-8965a317/ And on Twitter: https://twitter.com/DianaRich013 Check out Semrush: https://bit.ly/nb-semrush =====  ABOUT THE PODCAST  The NerdBrand Podcast is the intersection of nerd culture, branding, and marketing. Nerd culture is no longer a reserved sub-culture; it's mainstream pop culture.  Listen as we discuss our views on branding and advertising, always with a touch of nerd — technology, movies, comics and novels, video games, and plenty more.  Find more at https://nerdbrandagency.com/podcast =====  ABOUT NERDBRAND NerdBrand is a data-driven branding, web design, and advertising agency based in Louisville, KY. From establishing your brand identity to guiding your day-to-day marketing strategies, we bring the "why" of your business to life.  Learn more at https://nerdbrandagency.com CONNECT WITH NERDBRAND  Facebook: https://facebook.com/nerdbrandagencyInstagram: https://instagram.com/nerdbrandagencyTwitter: https://twitter.com/nerdbrandagencyLinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/company/nerdbrandagency--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/nerdbrand/messageSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/nerdbrand/support

Rebecca Kalogeris, VP of marketing for Pragmatic Institute, and Diana Richardson, technical product manager at Core Logic, explore the challenges that immerge with team and culture during an acquisition. Diana experienced acquisitions during her career and she shares how to navigate the uncertainty during the early stages of acquisition and how to spot opportunities rather than worry about "what ifs."

Should you make yourself appear more capable than you actually are? Or should you do it, in order to achieve your goals when you are actually capable? Either way, people love the underdog. Find Diana on Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/%F0%9F%8D%B7-diana-richardson-8965a317/ And on Twitter: https://twitter.com/DianaRich013 Check out Semrush: https://bit.ly/nb-semrush ===== ABOUT THE PODCAST The NerdBrand Podcast is the intersection of nerd culture, branding, and marketing. Nerd culture is no longer a reserved sub-culture; it's mainstream pop culture. Listen as we discuss our views on branding and advertising, always with a touch of nerd — technology, movies, comics and novels, video games, and plenty more. Find more at https://nerdbrandagency.com/podcast ===== ABOUT NERDBRAND NerdBrand is a data-driven branding, web design, and advertising agency based in Louisville, KY. From establishing your brand identity to guiding your day-to-day marketing strategies, we bring the "why" of your business to life. Learn more at https://nerdbrandagency.com CONNECT WITH NERDBRAND Facebook: https://facebook.com/nerdbrandagency Instagram: https://instagram.com/nerdbrandagency Twitter: https://twitter.com/nerdbrandagency LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/company/nerdbrandagency --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/nerdbrand/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/nerdbrand/support

In this episode, I talked with Diana Richardson, a social media community Manager of SEMrush, about her journey and how she started with her business SEMrush. For over 14 years, she has been a digital marketer, and has been working for and with businesses in all shapes and sizes. She is ready to customize strategies through her analytical, organizational and administrative way of thinking. You can always visit her website or follow her through her social media account. Through her skills in regards to social media and digital marketing, she can help you with SEO ranking and build brand awareness for your online business.   Twitter: https://twitter.com/dianarich013?lang=en  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/%F0%9F%8D%B7-diana-richardson-8965a317

In this episode, we have one of our favorite guests returning! Diana Richardson from Semrush joins us again as we jump into fun conversations about Netflix's new online store, e-commerce SEO, and more.  ABOUT OUR GUEST  Diana Richardson is the Social Media & Community Manager for the SEO Unit at Semrush and has been a digital marketer for over 14 years. Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/%F0%9F%8D%B7-diana-richardson-8965a317/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/DianaRich013 Check out Semrush for all your SEO needs: https://bit.ly/nb-semrushABOUT THE PODCAST  The NerdBrand Podcast is the intersection of nerd culture, branding, and marketing. Nerd culture is no longer a reserved sub-culture; it's mainstream pop culture.  Listen as we discuss our views on branding and advertising, always with a touch of nerd — technology, movies, comics and novels, video games, and plenty more.  Find more at https://nerdbrandagency.com/podcast--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/nerdbrand/messageSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/nerdbrand/support

In this episode, we have Diana Richardson returning from Semrush and we're talking about Netflix starting an online store, and E-commerce SEO! ABOUT OUR GUEST Diana Richardson is the Social Media & Community Manager for the SEO Unit at Semrush and has been a digital marketer for over 14 years. Find Diana on Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/%F0%9F%8D%B7-diana-richardson-8965a317/ Check out Semrush online: https://www.semrush.com/ ABOUT THE PODCAST The NerdBrand Podcast is the intersection of nerd culture, branding, and marketing. Nerd culture is no longer a reserved sub-culture; it's mainstream pop culture. Listen as we discuss our views on branding and advertising, always with a touch of nerd — technology, movies, comics and novels, video games, and plenty more. Find more at https://nerdbrandagency.com/podcast --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/nerdbrand/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/nerdbrand/support

This week's episode is all about SERP features. I'm joined by Diana Richardson, Social Media Manager at SEMrush. Diana has a wealth of experience in digital marketing from her previous roles. She learned SEO and PPC from the ground alongside Google and Bing as they evolved. Diana used SEMrush in her previous roles and has been a huge advocate of the tool.SEMrush is an all-in-one suite of tools for improving online visibility and discovering marketing insights. The tool is suitable for marketers that work in the following services: SEO, PPC, SMM, Keyword Research, Competitive Research, PR, Content Marketing, Marketing Insights, Campaign Management and Social Media. Basically everyone. A key feature that sets it apart from other tools thought is its data visualisation.The acronym SERP stands for Search Engine Results Page. A SERP feature is everything on the search results page except the organic links and the paid ads. They are the enhancements you see when using Google. Search engines will continually test and update the features on these pages to make sure they are providing the best user experience.SERP features also give you a great opportunity to be present on the first page without having to battle for organic results. The way search engines work is that they crawl the internet and pull through content that is the most relevant. You need to make sure that you have content in the first place with the most relevant keywords. So if your content and keywords aren't, then you're not going to be present.We go on to speak about the things you can do to make sure that your content is being found. By including engaging multimedia and making sure you're answering questions, you can gain more interaction and help appear higher up on search engines. Another tip would be to make your content and website as clean and accessible as possible so that both people and search engines can recognise this. User experience plays a huge part in how long people spend on a website and where it will rank.Stay safe and enjoy the episode.A huge thank you to Campaign Refinery for sponsoring this episode. Check out the amazing email marketing automation tool they've created.Please subscribe, rate and review, and find us @AllAboutDigMar on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram to share your thoughts.The All About Digital Marketing Podcast is brought to you by Social INK, a digital marketing consultancy on a mission to put the social back into social media.

Diana Richardson joins the podcast to share her thoughts on why people have unreasonable SEO expectations: * The cause of clients having incorrect expectations about SEO * The investment needed to be successful with organic search * How the search results themselves contribute to unrealistic SEO expectations People have had unrealistic expectations about SEO for years. The question is, what does this say about how people see SEO, and why has this unrealistic outlook persisted for the past two decades?! We dive into what caused and is causing people to think of SEO in unrealistic ways and how the problem is being perpetuated. Here's a summary of what we discussed.

Diana is the Social Media and Community Manager for the SEO Unit at SEMRush – which means she spends every day helping site owners improve their SEO performance. She's been both helping others and doing digital marketing herself – including managing SEO - since 2006! We're getting into how you can learn from your competitor's SEO efforts to improve your SEO performance saving you time, and improving your results. Get all the links and resources we mention at https://keepoptimising.com/?utm_source=captivate&utm_medium=episodenotes (KeepOptimising.com) Register now for the FREE eCommerce MasterPlan Virtual Summit 2021 at https://keepopt.com/summit (keepopt.com/summit) Episode sponsored by https://www.klaviyo.com/?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=masterplan (Klaviyo) This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Chartable - https://chartable.com/privacy

Surprise! It’s another bonus episode! Today Rachel sits down with Geoff Lamb, psychotherapist and author of the newly released Sexual Grounding Therapy: Context, Theory and Practice, which was released May 17, 2021. We talk about sexual development through life, espically sex and relationships and how they relate to aging. Episode Notes: Conversation with Geoff begins at 00:07:28 Geoff’s Book: Sexual Grounding Therapy: Context, Theory and Practice (2021): Psychotherapists We Discuss:Wilhelm ReichWillem Poppeliers - Read about sexual grounding therapy here: Sigmund FreudEsther Perel - Her books we discuss: State of Affairs, Mating in Captivity.Diana Richardson - list of books on Amazon - we specifically discussed Slow Sex.Article about Karezza Book about sexuality and religion that Geoff mentions: The Secret History of Western Sexual Mysticism: Sacred Practices and Spiritual Marriage, by Arthur Versluis (2008) The Guardian: Love in an old climate: posters celebrate the joy of sex in later life--------Let’s keep talking! Have a question or idea for a topic? Email winedine@allportsopen.com!Podcast artwork by Yogesh Nankar (Design by Dreamers).Intro and Outro music by John Bartmann.

Surprise! It’s another bonus episode! Today Rachel sits down with Geoff Lamb, psychotherapist and author of the newly released Sexual Grounding Therapy: Context, Theory and Practice, which was released May 17, 2021. We talk about sexual development through life, espically sex and relationships and how they relate to aging. Episode Notes: Conversation with Geoff begins at 00:07:28 Geoff’s Book: Sexual Grounding Therapy: Context, Theory and Practice (2021): Psychotherapists We Discuss:Wilhelm ReichWillem Poppeliers - Read about sexual grounding therapy here: Sigmund FreudEsther Perel - Her books we discuss: State of Affairs, Mating in Captivity.Diana Richardson - list of books on Amazon - we specifically discussed Slow Sex.Article about Karezza Book about sexuality and religion that Geoff mentions: The Secret History of Western Sexual Mysticism: Sacred Practices and Spiritual Marriage, by Arthur Versluis (2008) The Guardian: Love in an old climate: posters celebrate the joy of sex in later life--------Let’s keep talking! Have a question or idea for a topic? Email winedine@allportsopen.com!Podcast artwork by Yogesh Nankar (Design by Dreamers).Intro and Outro music by John Bartmann.

This episode, we're discussing what to expect if you're planning to invest in SEO for your brand, as well as how social media has evolved since the pandemic.About Our GuestDiana Richardson is the Social Media & Community Manager for the SEO Unit at Semrush and has been a digital marketer for over 14 years. Find Diana on Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/%F0%9F%8D%B7-diana-richardson-8965a317/Check out Semrush online: https://www.semrush.com/=====ABOUT THE PODCAST The NerdBrand Podcast is the intersection of nerd culture, branding, and marketing. Nerd culture is no longer a reserved sub-culture; it's mainstream pop culture.Listen as we discuss our views on branding and advertising, always with a touch of nerd — technology, movies, comics and novels, video games, and plenty more.Find more at https://nerdbrandagency.com/podcast==========  ABOUT NERDBRANDNerdBrand is a data-driven branding, web design, and advertising agency based in Louisville, KY. From establishing your brand identity to guiding your day-to-day marketing strategies, we bring the "why" of your business to life.Learn more at https://nerdbrandagency.com CONNECT WITH NERDBRANDFacebook: https://facebook.com/nerdbrandagency Instagram: https://instagram.com/nerdbrandagencyTwitter: https://twitter.com/nerdbrandagencyLinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/company/nerdbrandagency--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/nerdbrand/messageSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/nerdbrand/support

This episode, we're discussing what to expect if you're planning to invest in SEO for your brand, as well as how social media has evolved since the pandemic. About Our Guest Diana Richardson is the Social Media & Community Manager for the SEO Unit at Semrush and has been a digital marketer for over 14 years. Find Diana on Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/%F0%9F%8D%B7-diana-richardson-8965a317/ Check out Semrush online: https://www.semrush.com/ ===== ABOUT THE PODCAST The NerdBrand Podcast is the intersection of nerd culture, branding, and marketing. Nerd culture is no longer a reserved sub-culture; it's mainstream pop culture. Listen as we discuss our views on branding and advertising, always with a touch of nerd — technology, movies, comics and novels, video games, and plenty more. Find more at https://nerdbrandagency.com/podcast ===== ===== ABOUT NERDBRAND NerdBrand is a data-driven branding, web design, and advertising agency based in Louisville, KY. From establishing your brand identity to guiding your day-to-day marketing strategies, we bring the "why" of your business to life. Learn more at https://nerdbrandagency.com CONNECT WITH NERDBRAND Facebook: https://facebook.com/nerdbrandagency Instagram: https://instagram.com/nerdbrandagency Twitter: https://twitter.com/nerdbrandagency LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/company/nerdbrandagency --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/nerdbrand/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/nerdbrand/support

Es soll ein Weg zur Erleuchtung sein, so zumindest wurde es in Indien einst verstanden. Hierzulande wird mit Tantra für bessere Sexualität und harmonischere Partnerschaften geworben. Was haben die westlichen Ausformungen dieser Strömung noch mit ihrer hinduistisch-buddhistischen Herkunft zu tun? Der globale kulturelle Austausch Ende des 19. Jahrhunderts brachte so einige religiöse und philosophische Ideen nach Europa. So war es auch beim Tantra. Was die Kolonialherren noch schockierte, weil es äusserst unkonventionelle Praktiken beinhaltete, begeisterte die Theosophische Gesellschaft umso mehr, weil sie im Tantra eine uralte Weisheit vermuteten. Die westliche Faszination für den «spirituellen Osten» nahm dann Mitte des 20. Jahrhunderts der Philosophieprofessor und spätere Guru Osho auf. Er verknüpfte tantrische Theorien und Rituale mit Psychotherapie und löste damit bis heute einen Boom aus. Wenn Forschende sich heute unsicher sind, ob die teils sexuell aufgeladenen tantrischen Texte nicht vielmehr metaphorisch zu verstehen sind, wird Tantra landläufig vorrangig damit assoziiert. Was also ist Tantra? Welche Rolle spielt Sexualität darin und wie hängt das alles mit der vielbesagten Erleuchtung zusammen? Diesen Fragen gehen Yves Bossart und Olivia Röllin in einer Begegnung der «Sternstunde Philosophie» und der «Sternstunde Religion» nach. Ihre Gäste sind Livia-Lea Maag, Tantra-Masseurin, Sophie Wennerscheid, Kulturwissenschaftlerin, Jan-Ulrich Sobisch, Tibetologe, und Diana Richardson, Tantra-Meisterin.

Es soll ein Weg zur Erleuchtung sein, so zumindest wurde es in Indien einst verstanden. Hierzulande wird mit Tantra für bessere Sexualität und harmonischere Partnerschaften geworben. Was haben die westlichen Ausformungen dieser Strömung noch mit ihrer hinduistisch-buddhistischen Herkunft zu tun? Der globale kulturelle Austausch Ende des 19. Jahrhunderts brachte so einige religiöse und philosophische Ideen nach Europa. So war es auch beim Tantra. Was die Kolonialherren noch schockierte, weil es äusserst unkonventionelle Praktiken beinhaltete, begeisterte die Theosophische Gesellschaft umso mehr, weil sie im Tantra eine uralte Weisheit vermuteten. Die westliche Faszination für den «spirituellen Osten» nahm dann Mitte des 20. Jahrhunderts der Philosophieprofessor und spätere Guru Osho auf. Er verknüpfte tantrische Theorien und Rituale mit Psychotherapie und löste damit bis heute einen Boom aus. Wenn Forschende sich heute unsicher sind, ob die teils sexuell aufgeladenen tantrischen Texte nicht vielmehr metaphorisch zu verstehen sind, wird Tantra landläufig vorrangig damit assoziiert. Was also ist Tantra? Welche Rolle spielt Sexualität darin und wie hängt das alles mit der vielbesagten Erleuchtung zusammen? Diesen Fragen gehen Yves Bossart und Olivia Röllin in einer Begegnung der «Sternstunde Philosophie» und der «Sternstunde Religion» nach. Ihre Gäste sind Livia-Lea Maag, Tantra-Masseurin, Sophie Wennerscheid, Kulturwissenschaftlerin, Jan-Ulrich Sobisch, Tibetologe, und Diana Richardson, Tantra-Meisterin.

Es soll ein Weg zur Erleuchtung sein, so zumindest wurde es in Indien einst verstanden. Hierzulande wird mit Tantra für bessere Sexualität und harmonischere Partnerschaften geworben. Was haben die westlichen Ausformungen dieser Strömung noch mit ihrer hinduistisch-buddhistischen Herkunft zu tun? Der globale kulturelle Austausch Ende des 19. Jahrhunderts brachte so einige religiöse und philosophische Ideen nach Europa. So war es auch beim Tantra. Was die Kolonialherren noch schockierte, weil es äusserst unkonventionelle Praktiken beinhaltete, begeisterte die Theosophische Gesellschaft umso mehr, weil sie im Tantra eine uralte Weisheit vermuteten. Die westliche Faszination für den «spirituellen Osten» nahm dann Mitte des 20. Jahrhunderts der Philosophieprofessor und spätere Guru Osho auf. Er verknüpfte tantrische Theorien und Rituale mit Psychotherapie und löste damit bis heute einen Boom aus. Wenn Forschende sich heute unsicher sind, ob die teils sexuell aufgeladenen tantrischen Texte nicht vielmehr metaphorisch zu verstehen sind, wird Tantra landläufig vorrangig damit assoziiert. Was also ist Tantra? Welche Rolle spielt Sexualität darin und wie hängt das alles mit der vielbesagten Erleuchtung zusammen? Diesen Fragen gehen Yves Bossart und Olivia Röllin in einer Begegnung der «Sternstunde Philosophie» und der «Sternstunde Religion» nach. Ihre Gäste sind Livia-Lea Maag, Tantra-Masseurin, Sophie Wennerscheid, Kulturwissenschaftlerin, Jan-Ulrich Sobisch, Tibetologe, und Diana Richardson, Tantra-Meisterin.

Diana Richardson, social media and community manager at SEMRush, joins the RankUp podcast to discuss audience personas and storytelling for SEOs. Drawing on her experiences in search marketing and social media, Diana brings a new, cross-channel perspective to the podcast. Listen anywhere for meaningful definitions and actionable tips to help you take the concepts of personas and storytelling and make use of them in your SEO strategies. You can find Diana on Twitter @DianaRich013, where you can also connect with Ben (@BenJGarry) and Edd (@EddJTW). We'd love to hear from you if you're interested in coming on the show or if you have any questions. Don't forget that you can find all the latest content from Impression online at the Impression blog.

In today’s episode, I’m joined by Diana Richardson, who talks about the practice of conscience lovemaking. She speaks from the perspective of a heterosexual connection and notes that couples of any gender orientation can adapt these same practices and principles in their love life. She talks about why you shouldn’t focus solely on the peak moments while lovemaking, the psychological and physical tension while having sex, and performance pressure. Rather, Diana explains the concept of feeling your body from the inside and connecting with your significant other with attention to the awareness of the subtleties. Listen in to learn how Diana teaches couples to anchor themselves inside their own bodies, why we have lost the capacity to sense our bodies, and why the details of our feelings get lost in the search for bigger, more intense physical and emotional feelings. (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.) Bio:  Diana Richardson, born in South Africa, is one of today’s leading authorities on human sexuality. Author of 8 books, including best selling “Tantric Sex for Men”, “The Heart of Tantric Sex” and “Tantric Orgasm for Women”. Her interest in the body prompted a personal exploration into the union of sex and meditation - the essence of Tantra. Since 1993, she and her partner host weeklong retreats for couples in tantric lovemaking in Europe. In this episode, Diana Richardson and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:  Why conscience lovemaking supports all couples who make love Differences between conventional lovemaking and conscious lovemaking How to be more present during lovemaking rather than being overly caught up in mental activity, especially about reaching a goal or certain perfomance How using intensity to build up the energy can actually compress sexual intimacy Why women need more warming up before sex The process of anchoring inside your own body Why it's important to re-evaluate and connect with your body How you can extend your love bond for days by not peaking during sex How to have more incredible experiences when you are connected with yourself and your significant other Mentioned Living Love Inner Traditions Love for Couples Tantric Love (book) by Diana Richardson Slow Sex (book) by Diana Richardson Cool Sex: An Essential Young Adult Guide to Loving, Mindful Sex (book) by Diana Richardson Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins   Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast:https://www.marisatcohen.com/book.html  Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you! 

Diana Richardson is the author of many books on Tantra and mindful Sex, and has helped many couples in her Making Love Retreats. Diana is known as the pioneer of the Slow Sex movement. She joined us to talk about her newest book Cool Sex: An Essential Young Adult Guide to Loving, Mindful Sex. Join us as we talk some “Sex Ed”, Diana shares the real secret to satisfying sex is to reduce the heat, to cool down and the importance of touch and healing. Diana along with her partner, Michael Richardson, is the creator of the life-changing weeklong Making Love Retreat, which they have been offering in Europe since 1995.   www.loveforcouples.com www.mysenseofsoul.com  

Diana Richardson is considered one of today's leading authorities on human sexuality. She has previously written seven books on how in practical ways a person can experience a more fulfilling sex and love life. Born in South Africa in 1954, she first qualified as a lawyer (B.A.LLB), and then trained as a massage therapist (ITEC) in the UK. Her interest in the body and healing prompted an intense personal exploration into the union of sex and meditation - the essence of Tantra. Since 1993, together with her partner, Michael, she has been sharing her insights and experiences with couples who travel from many different parts of the world to participate in their informative and life-changing 'making love' workshops in Switzerland. In this Diana's 8th book written for young adults, she has collaborated with Wendy Doeleman, a former participant in Diana's workshops, and sex educator living in the Netherlands. livinglove.com ------------------------------------------------

Listen for an interesting discussion on styles of sex, sex tips for couples and single people, pornography, and exercises you can try at home.  TO FIND WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR:  For details of the discussion, links to people and resources mentioned, time stamped show notes and #QOTD go to: https://www.myhomevitality.com/diana-richardson-cool-sex/   For finding freedom, improving your results, conquering your fears, and changing your life for the better - https://mhvpath.com/    For the video version:  https://bit.ly/2n2M4ay To ask questions of future guests: https://www.facebook.com/myhomevitality CONNECT WITH US:  Website: https://www.myhomevitality.com/  Email: info@myhomevitality.com  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/myhomevitality/  Twitter: https://twitter.com/myhomevitality  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/myhomevitality

Do you know what gets you FOUND on the search engines? I mean, really understand how it works?  On this show we touch on search engine optimization (SEO) basics, performance, monitoring, and how it works for small businesses and beyond...   This is a great complement to the show we already did with Brie Anderson previously! Our guest... Diana Richardson - Social Media & Community Manager for Semrush Talk to Diana about SEO, SEM, Social Media or Digital Marketing strategy — she's done it all... and she loves to talk shop. Diana is the Social Media & Community Manager for the SEO division of Semrush and has been a digital marketer for over 14 years working with businesses of all shapes and sizes. She's headed up an entire Search Engine Marketing team for a large company and has been a Digital Marketing Director for a boutique marketing agency. A Virginia native, she's now living in Texas. You can find Diana Tweeting regularly about SEO and the search engine marketing landscape as well as her other favorite topics: wine, movies and TV.   We are "Making a Marketer"... in all ways. Check out episode 74 -- and please take a minute to subscribe, rate, & review us on iTunes & get each ep. when it drops! https://bit.ly/mamITuneNEW ::: This episode is sponsored by Powers of Marketing - emPOWERing strategic communication ::: ** Our NEW show music is provided by ourGIFTED editor, MUSICIAN, Avri.Check out his recently released song, "Too Close"! **

Diana Richardson, works with SEMRush and is part of their community building team. How important is it for a brand to build a social media community, get people engaged and interacting with all of your social media. Find out more about how Diana helps build social media engagement with SEMRush.

Diana Richardson, the author of Cool Sex, an Essential Young Adult Guide to Loving, Mindful Sex, is considered to be one of today’s leading authorities on human sexuality. She is the best-selling author of eight books on how in practical ways a person can experience a more fulfilling sex and love life. Born in South Africa in 1954, she first qualified as a lawyer, and then she trained as a holistic massage therapist in the UK. Her interest in the body and healing prompted an intense personal exploration into the union of sex and meditation—the essence of neo-tantra—based on the teachings of Osho and Barry Long. Since 1993, together with her partner, Michael, she has been sharing her insights and experiences with couples who travel from many different parts of the world to participate in their informative and life-changing Making Love Retreats in Switzerland, where Diana and Michael are based.

This episode is a recording of a webinar in which I interview tantra teacher and author Diana Richardson. Together we wrote Cool Sex, a book for young adults (16-28 years) about loving and mindful sex and intimacy. This book has just been released, in November 2020. Diana is an international author of the books ‘The Heart of Tantric Sex', ‘Tantric Sex for Men' and ‘Tantric Orgasm for Women'. In the interview (start at 9:56) we speak about tantric lovemaking, the importance of awareness and relaxation and using the polarities in one's body. Before we start the interview, I lead a short mediation and (at 5:20) speak about the ‘making of' the book Cool Sex. After the interview I lead a longer meditation: the Circle of Light (start explanation at 36:34).

Thank you Newsstand Studio at 1 Rockefeller Plaza for providing a place for me to record this episode for y’all! No more Brooklyn closet recording!!!   I have been looking forward to interviewing this guest ever since the Tik Tok algorithm graced me with his videos. I am obsessed. Shaun Galanos is a love coach and he is very matter of fact about the dating questions he receives. He answers questions with clarity and compassion. So together, we collected some of your top dating questions and answered them for you! From ghosting to cheating to finances, we cover some pretty massive questions.     “Why do men ghost? Especially if the man asked for my number and texted me.” They don’t care They don’t want to have an uncomfortable conversation with you That’s all they know how to do They want to ghost you before you ghost them They want to hurt you/make you sad They don’t want to hurt your feelings They feel guilty   “How do I manage finances in relationships when we have different standards of spending habits?” Values around money and debt are important— you should share those values. The money conversation can be a turnoff or red flag for someone if you bring it up early on.   “How do you know if it’s the right person, just the wrong time?” If what you’re really asking is: “Am I making the right choice? Is there better?” Stop overthinking! “I’ve been rejected, but should I just wait for them?” Move on! “If someone says no, take it as a no, believe them, and let the universe sort it out on the back end.”   “Can I build a relationship with someone I used to cheat with?” You can do anything you want in life, but ask yourself “Is this good for me?” There are so many ways to view a situation like this, some are fantasies and some are more riddled with problems. If it’s something you really want to pursue, go to counseling with that person to work on how you can make this relationship better.   “Be honest, have you ever decided not to date a girl because of her ethnicity?” Neither of us have not dated someone because of their ethnicity. I share what I’ve noticed of my own behavior on dating apps when it comes to race and how I’ve been reflecting on that and learning what has influenced that behavior.   “How can I make the first move without being too forward/intimidating as a woman?” “Just do it. Stop sitting on the sidelines hoping that he notices you and just do it.” It’s time to move on from the whole “men are hunters and women are prey” analogy, because guess what? Hunters don’t woo their prey! Ask yourself what’s holding you back— are you afraid of asking because you’re afraid of the answer?   “How do you date in 2020 when you really hate internet dating?” Ask yourself: what did people do before online dating became a thing? Don’t look down on the idea of being set-up! Get used to saying hi to strangers.   “How can I get context when it’s basically over text due to distance?” So I guess we’ve all just forgotten about phone calls, huh? Pick up the phone! You can get so much more context in a conversation when you hear their voice. I know a lot of us feel safer over text, but it’s so incomplete. Always make sure the big conversations are done over the phone or in person.   “I like masturbation, but I’m worried I’m not going to like sex when I get married.” Focus on masturbation now and worry about sex later. If you understand your own pleasure, you are setting yourself up for some really positive experiences with your partner. “Start talking about sex…so that it becomes a natural part of your relationship.” The book Slow Sex by Diana Richardson explores the idea that you should focus on your own pleasure and ask for what you want. ***None of this is possible without communication!****   “You will get more information when you ask for the thing that you want.”   Resources Keep up with Shaun on IG at @thelovedrive and on TikTok at @thelovedrive. Check out his course on healthy communication at thelovedrive.com. Shaun’s Love Drive videos on YouTube. IG post about why men ghost. An article Shaun wrote about ghosting. An IGTV Shaun did all about ghosting. Read Slow Sex by Diana Richardson Want to dive into a deeper conversation about masturbation? Listen to the Masturbation Series on The Refined Collective. Want to dive into a deeper conversation about sex? Check out Dr. Celeste Holbrook on The Refined Collective.   I was tired of hearing male pastors preach about waiting until marriage for sex when they had gotten married in their early 20s and had no idea what it was really like to date in today’s culture! I wanted to hear from someone in my shoes— so I wrote a book! It’s called Sexless in the City: A Sometimes Sassy, Sometimes Painful, Always Honest Look at Dating, Desire, and Sex and it’s coming out in April 2021! Head over to bit.ly/kat-sexless to pre-order now!   We’re told that we should pray for our future husbands— it makes sense, right? The problem is: nobody ever teaches us how. My friend Stephanie May Wilson created the Every Single Moment Prayer Journal to help with exactly that. It is 100 powerful guided prayers and prompts to help you savor the present and prepare for the future. Go to bit.ly/kat-singlemoment and use code KAT for 15% off your order.

What a guest we have on the show this week. Joining me is the awesome Diana Richardson who is the social media, and community manager at SEMrush. She loves wine, she's a public speaker, she's a thyroid cancer survivor, and she is into SEO, SEM, digital marketing, and you'll more often than not find her being super helpful and helping curate the great #SEMRushChat over on Twitter. We have a brilliant conversation about her extensive experience in the industry, the hundreds of people she named as inspirations to her, what her role involves now with SEMrush, what it's like managing such a large community during a pandemic - and to top it all off - she takes over the show and basically interviews herself too! A really enjoyable episode to record, as usual, please listen, like, rate, share and subscribe - and tell a friend to tell a friend about the show! Diana's Twitter: https://twitter.com/dianarich013 Podcast Anchor Page: https://anchor.fm/azeemdigitalasks My Twitter page: https://twitter.com/AzeemDigital My website: https://www.iamazeemdigital.com/

In this week's episode of Wise Women Conversations I am talking with Janet McGeever who is the Co-Author of Tantric Sex and Menopause (with Diana Richardson). This was a beautiful conversation with Janet gently sharing how it is possible to be intimate after menopause despite the changes that happening in our body's. Janet's book and this conversation is about relearning what we think we know about intimate relationships. She shares the importance of understanding energy, receiving and giving, when it comes to intimacy.I really enjoyed this conversation with Janet, her voice is so gentle and she holds space while we talk about a topic that can be a sensitive one for many women. I thoroughly enjoyed reading her book and had many ahha moments as I was reading through. There is so much that we can still learn about intimate relationships, things that are completely different to what we have learnt in the past.I hope that you enjoy this conversation and if you would like to learn more about Janet you can visit her website www.janetmcgeever.com or www.makingloveretreat.com.au. You can also find Janet on facebook and instagram as @janetmcgeever.I would love you to leave us a review about what you thought about this conversation, let me know what you think. The more reviews that the podcast gets the more it will show up in the various podcast platforms search options. I will be back next week with another Wise Women Conversations.

Diana Richardson is the Social Media & Community Manager for the SEO division of SEMRush and has been a digital marketer for over 14 years. Working with businesses of all shapes and sizes, her logistical, rolodex of a brain is ready to customize a strategy, put a plan in place and start rockin’ and rollin’. She takes a lot of pride in her extensive digital marketing background which, combined with her theatrical background, makes Diana a terrific educator in the industry.  How can Google Ads Help My Business? A few of the benefits of Google Ads include: Immediate exposure – Your ad can show in the top 5 results on a Google search results page. Reach – Show your potential customers relevant, targeted ads in a timely manner when they search Google for your products, services or business. Learn How To Easily Create and Build Your Google Ads Campaigns Like a Pro [FREE] Google Ads Video Training Workshop “The Perfect Google Ad Formula”  Get Instant Access Now! https://www.philadairtraining.com/free-google-ads-video-training-series   P.S. Please subscribe on iTunes. It really does help the podcast to grow! Drop me a note in the comments section over at PhilAdairTraining.com and let me know your thoughts. Suite 12, 5th Floor, Dymocks Building 428 George Street, Sydney 2000, NSW, Australia   W: www.PhilAdairTraining.com E: support@philadairtraining.com I’m a huge fan of connecting on social media. If you’re on these social networks, then let’s follow each other:  Facebook YouTube Pinterest Instagram My Best-Loved Online Marketing Tools: Check Them Out Now! 

Ostáva pár voľných miest na najbližšie mužské víkendovky. Registruj sa na tomto odkaze: 1.mužská víkendovka: https://uctamuzom.sk - Navráťme mužom úctu Termín: 05.06. - 07.06.2020 2.mužská víkendovka: https://novymuz.sk/workshop-pre-muzov/ - Nový muž: Tvorca svojho života 2. Termín: 26.06 - 28.06.2020 Kniha Vedomé milovanie - Diana Richardson - https://www.martinus.sk/?uItem=191847&z=M5SBGF&utm_source=z%3DM5SBGF&utm_medium=url&utm_campaign=partner V dnešnom vysielaní sa dozvieš: - Ako sa môže zmeniť tvoj život keď prestaneš sledovať porno. - Aké benefity získaš po skončení sledovania porna. - Kam investovať nahromadenú sexuálnu energiu. - Prečo mnoho mužov prestane túžiť po tej istej žene a ako to súvisí s klasickým orgazmom. - Ako súvisí sledovanie porna a tvoj úspech u žien. - Aké zmeny nastávajú v mozgu, keď prestaneš sledovať porno. - A mnoho ďalšieho.

poliy cees t icks gather the gays for dissection of the midist election poly I'm both a lot on the borderline ********* GAY CO poliy --- begins below hold for mah straights pipsqueak returns it's time to provide me well what the party was just like me; pipsqueak returns it's time provide me at the party was just like me it was not what you thought it was for its not rather it's just experience in me becoming podcast politics people never fished he's just New York state election and Lee Trace Walk fah mo ak open marriage open marriage Chipotle any day no show all just a hugand I both keypad I got a shower hose no Rod "straight male" objects not allowed open the dog chips weekly in the politics that has I can make it through this --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/thereallewdresky/message

Fie Sommer is a taboo-breaking Danish disruptor who talks about what she wishes people talked more about when she was growing up. Today, we're exploring the beauty of surrendering to sex, the healing power of sex, and how to bring ritual and ceremony to your love-making.  This is the second part of our two-part conversation.  What you'll learn (or why you should care): • How to bring intimacy and trust to your sex life • How to bring ceremony and ritual to your love-making • What surrendering to sex can look like   Where to find Fie: Instagram https://www.instagram.com/fie.sommer Website https://www.fiesommer.dk   Resources: Slow Sex: The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality by Diana Richardson: https://amzn.to/2AmNOFD Good Sex: Getting Off without Checking Out by Jessica Graham: https://amzn.to/3dC99ca The Glass Wand by Euphemia Russell: https://www.iwishyouknew.net/wand   Join The Lovebird Club A private community for those who value love, trust, and intimacy. Group support and weekly calls. For contributing lovebirds only: https://thelovedrive.com/thelovebirdclub   Learn more about The Love Drive Website https://thelovedrive.com/ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive Newsletter https://thelovedrive.com/newsletter

Fie Sommer is a taboo-breaking Danish disruptor who talks about what she wishes people talked more about when she was growing up. Today, we're starting with pornography, it's effects on her sex life, and how she transitioned away from using it.  This is part one of our two-part conversation.  What you'll learn (or why you should care): • How to use sex as a tool for connection • Why we have sex when we don't want to • How to say no or to ask for something different   Where to find Fie: Instagram https://www.instagram.com/fie.sommer Website https://www.fiesommer.dk   Resources: Slow Sex: The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality by Diana Richardson: https://amzn.to/2AmNOFD Good Sex: Getting Off without Checking Out by Jessica Graham: https://amzn.to/3dC99ca   Join The Lovebird Club A private community for those who value love, trust, and intimacy. Group support and weekly calls. For contributing lovebirds only: https://thelovedrive.com/thelovebirdclub   Learn more about The Love Drive Website https://thelovedrive.com/ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive Newsletter https://thelovedrive.com/newsletter    

"Ich wusste vorher gar nicht, dass es so eine Art von Sex geben kann..." Dieser Satz könnte von mir, aber auch von Ela und Volker Buchwald stammen. Sex ist in unserer Gesellschaft mit so engen Vorstellungen besetzt, dass der Horizont jenseits dessen bei vielen Menschen kaum existiert. Deswegen braucht es Menschen, die sich aufmachen, diesen Horizont selbst zu erkunden und anderen zugänglich zu machen. Ela und Volker Buchwald haben diese Reise vor etwa 20 Jahren für sich gestartet und erzählen in diesem Gespräch frei und Neugierde weckend von ihren Erfahrungen und ihrem daraus entwickelten Prinzip für Einfach Liebe und Entspannten Sex. Alle Infos zu meiner Arbeit auf www.spuervertrauen.de. Hol dir die Lust-Checkliste in den SpürVertrauen-Momenten! Hier kannst du dich anmelden: https://mailchi.mp/775e6934caa7/spuervertrauenmomente Zum Online-Workshop Lustwandern im Genital https://spuervertrauen.de/lustwandern-im-genital/ Über Fragen, Anfragen und Feedback an hallo@spuervertrauen.de freue ich mich sehr.

Her enlightening interview of Bibi Brzozka, a conscious living specialist and sexual wellness coach who inspired her to change her view of sex and how to pursue it after having had a mix of minimal sex education and too much exposure to porn, Alice Rabbit reveals the intricacies of her intimacy life and the consequences of such influence. To watch her Introduction to Energetic Lovemaking Talk go to https://www.bibibrzozka.com SOURCES: The 20 Online Resources to take Sex Ed into your own hands Introduction to Energetic Lovemaking by Bibi Brzozka Fight The New Drug - Porn Books that changed my life: Pussy, A Reclamation - by Regena Thomashauer The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know It's Possible - by Charles Eisenstein Tantric Sex For Men - by Diana Richardson and Michael Richardson

What turns you on - and what turns you off? Once you know your erotic blueprint type, it’s so much easier to have the kind of intimacy that you most deeply desire.  And when you hit a snag in the sexual sphere of your relationship, it could be that you and your partner haven’t quite learned each other’s erotic languages - leading to sexual miscommunication. Never mind the love languages - it’s the Erotic Blueprint type that matters in the sexual domain! This week’s episode features Ian Ferguson, who played an instrumental role in creating the Erotic Blueprint methodology with his partner Jaiya. You’ll learn the 5 Erotic Blueprint types, how to figure out what you are, and how to tackle differences that you and your partner might have in how you express yourselves in your most intimate moments. As always, I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this episode and what revelations and questions it creates for you. Please join us in the Relationship Alive Community on Facebook to chat about it! Sponsors: Find a quality therapist, online, to support you and work on the places where you’re stuck. For 10% off your first month, visit Betterhelp.com/ALIVE to fill out the quick questionnaire and get paired with a therapist who’s right for you. This episode is also sponsored by Native Deodorant. Their products are filled with ingredients you can find in nature like coconut oil, which is an antimicrobial, shea butter to moisturize, and tapioca starch to absorb wetness. They don’t ever test on animals, they don’t use aluminum or any other scary chemical ingredients, and they’re so confident that you’ll like their deodorant that they offer free shipping - and returns. For 20% off your first purchase, visit http://www.nativedeodorant.com/alive and use promo code ALIVE during checkout. Resources: Take the Erotic Blueprint Type quiz to find out your Erotic Blueprint Type: https://www.eroticbreakthrough.com/alive Visit Jaiya’s main website FREE Relationship Communication Secrets Guide - perfect help for handling conflict… Guide to Understanding Your Needs (and Your Partner's Needs) in Relationship (ALSO FREE) www.neilsattin.com/erotic Visit to download the transcript, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the transcript to this episode with Ian Ferguson. Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out Transcript: Neil Sattin: Hello and welcome to another episode of Relationship Alive. This is your host, Neil Sattin. We have covered in more than 200 episodes all kinds of conversations detailing the nuances of having an amazing relationship. We've talked about communication. We've talked about overcoming problems and obstacles and healing trauma and being present. And we have, of course, also talked about sex and the erotic. And it's important to dive into this topic, I think, a little bit more deeply than I have in the past.  Neil Sattin: Early on, I wanted to bring voices to you representing different kinds of sexuality, different ways of exploring sexuality that were more oriented towards slow sex or tantra. We talked to Diana Richardson. We talked to Margot Anand. And now, what I'd love to do is to open this conversation up further to the idea that there are actually different kinds of erotic types that we inhabit. And in order to have this conversation, which will, I think, help you really get to know yourself better in the sexual and erotic realm and also get to know your partner, if you're partnered or partners, or if you're out dating as a way of diagnosing what's happening with the people that you meet and getting a sense of where you're compatible, where you're not, and where there's learning and curiosity that opens up for you. It's fascinating. I had a friend who sent this link to me randomly not that long ago, and it was to the work of Jaiya. And I had actually heard of Jaiya's work, but I hadn't really honestly paid any attention to what she was doing. And. But there's something about this link spoke to me and I decided to take her quiz and listen to her on another podcast. And, I was fascinated. I learned so much about myself and about things that were happening in my own life. And I knew that I wanted to bring this work to you. So for today, we have our esteemed guest, Ian Ferguson, who is Jaiya's partner in business and in life and who is also responsible for the development of what we're going to be talking about today, which is your erotic blueprint -- the the thing that makes up who you are sexually and erotically and what turns you on, what turns you off. And we're going to dive deep into that topic with Ian.  Neil Sattin: If you are interested in getting a transcript of today's episode. You can visit Neil-Sattin-dot-com-slash-erotic. Or as always, you can text the word passion to the number 3-3-4-4-4, and follow the instructions along with being Jaiya's partner in business and life. Ian is also the co-founder of their company and he is a master instructor of the erotic blueprints methodology. And he's also someone who does a lot of conscious dance stuff, which I've talked about on the show over and over again. We finally have someone here who actually does the very thing that I'm talking about. So I'm really excited to have Ian here with us to talk about your erotic blueprints. And Ian, welcome to the show.  Ian Ferguson: Thank you. As a great intro. I just love all the seeds that you're planting about communication and learning and really using these kinds of tools to have a deeper understanding of ourselves and how we communicate with others about them. So, I love that intro. Thank you for that.  Neil Sattin: Yeah, you're welcome. You're welcome. And I think that, you know, we talked about this a little bit before I hit record. It's so important, especially when you're dealing with any system that gives you some information about you by telling you like, oh, you're an ENFP or you're a Scorpio or you're a number four in the Enneagram, whatever it is, it's challenging for people sometimes to break the mold of what they discover about themselves. So, I want this to be a conversation that allows people, and I know you're right here with me to tap in to curiosity about their type and also to like push the edges of the box that they find themselves in, and in fact, to unbox themselves and to stretch themselves.  Ian Ferguson: Perfect. Yeah. We often say about the erotic blueprints, which we'll be talking about in more detail here, that when you discover your primary erotic blueprint type, it's actually showing you more where you're limited than where your resourced. Because there's this whole range, there's a smorgasbord of opportunity erotically in the world of pleasure available to all of us. And many of us are accessing but a very small piece of that smorgasbord. You know, we're eating the, you know, the beautiful strawberry when there's chocolate and truffles and steak and, you know, a beautiful garden of vegetables at our fingertips.  Neil Sattin: Yeah. And this reminds me probably for obvious reasons to you, a lot of the love languages.  Ian Ferguson: Yes.  Neil Sattin: And, when I have been introducing people to your work, just friends of mine or or acquaintances, I've drawn that analogy:"It's kind of like the love languages, but for sex and the erotic." But one of the things that I think is so challenging about the love languages is that people sometimes find out what their primary love language or you're supposed to find out your primary two love languages. And then they just kind of stop there. And then, if they take it a little bit further, they figure out what their partners love languages are. And then hopefully they really learn to speak each other's languages. But in the end, where I always come down to is I don't think there's anyone who doesn't appreciate or have the capacity to appreciate all those love languages. And so I'm curious, before we dive into like the specifics of the blueprints, do you do you feel like that's true for them, that there's an evolution towards kind of being multilingual across the love languages, that's just like natural if we allow ourselves to be open or what do you find?  Ian Ferguson: Yeah, I think that that's the ideal almost of any of these typing systems, is that it's not just about understanding your first primary access, the place where you're most resourced. It is a way of articulating and speaking to all of the other types of people that there are out there, all the other types of eroticism.  Ian Ferguson: One of the things that I just love about our community in particular is that often in the realms of sexuality, when you're in this stage, you're curious, you're adventurous, you're looking to expand into something new or there's parts of sexuality you're hearing about and you don't have any idea what they are, say, in the kinky realm or around Tantra. The communities tend to be kind of siloed. They're brilliant. There are many brilliant communities that deal with all of these forms of sexuality. But when you want to find a find out about kink, you end up walking over into the kink realm, when you want to find out about energetic or tantric sex, you walk over into Tantra and they're very different communities. And one of the things that the blueprints have allowed us to do is to speak to the full range of eroticism and bring all of those people essentially under one roof. Ian Ferguson: So, you know, we'll see this in our community, even in my own relationship, where, you know, somebody who is an energetic, they have a kinky partner and they have no real way to merge or meet. And if the energetic is going to take the kinky person to their energetic Tantra class, that kinky person may actually be totally turned off. They won't have a deeper understanding, it just won't appeal to them and vise versa. The kinky person taking their energetic partner to the kink environment may find themselves contracted and re-traumatized, or they just don't understand what's going on in that community. Whereas in a community where all the languages are being spoken to, there's an opportunity for people to see a multitude of people operating with a variety of these erotic blueprint types under one roof. And to start to have a way to bridge the gap and create inclusiveness for all of those communities to be able to have a conversation together.  Neil Sattin: Yeah. When I imagine being in that community, I imagine what it would be like to be with someone who was or to be just like having a conversation with someone where my type is just as valuable as theirs is. And that was something that for me was so eye opening. Even in just taking your quiz, which by the way, if you visit erotic-breakthrough-dot-com-slash-alive, you can take the quiz that helps you diagnose what type you are. So, that's always fun, to take another quiz online. So you should definitely go check that out.  Neil Sattin: But, I took this quiz and what I found was that, it really helped normalize some things that I was experiencing that I thought were maybe... bad. That I had judgment about in myself and, we'll get further into this. But one, I actually have a lot of the different types in me. I'm the shapeshifter type which we'll get to, but I'm very strong in energetic. And so it was really easy for me and I mentioned I had a lot of probably very energetic oriented people here on the show. And you talk about one of the shadows of the energetic being kind of downplaying other kinds of sexuality. And I think I was doing that for the other kinds that live within me. So, it was really wild to take the test and to accept myself in a new way, as well as to have that language to bring to other people.  Ian Ferguson: Yeah. One of the things I get most touched by in responses that we get from like you're sharing, even people who just take the quiz, even if that's the only step that they've taken, we will get emails from people or at workshops that we're teaching. I'll get stopped by the attendees who will, with tears in their eyes, just talk about, "Wow, now I don't feel alone. I thought that I was weird or messed up or, you know, crazy." You know, like the energetic type is one of the blueprint types. And for the energetic, energetics are often a highly sensitive, they're very aware, their empath, They're connected to their environment. And the types of orgasm that are available to an energetic can sometimes look quite strange to somebody who doesn't have access to that type of orgasm because they'll be releasing kundalini energy or having kriyas. So, those will show up as a sort of muscular spasms in the body. So especially in the case of cock-bodied humans who tend to be stereotyped into the sexual blueprint, many of the male body people, cock-body people will all of a sudden feel seen and heard for the first time because they've been putting on a mask of being a sexual when their entire system is geared towards being an energetic.  Ian Ferguson: And then you also spoke to the hierarchical. I think we're probably going to start confusing people too much if we keep talking about the types without getting into what they are. But you did mention in terms of the energetic, there can be sort of a hierarchical viewpoint of the energetic. That energetics tend to be associated with spirituality, connected to sex. So a sexual act for many energetics needs to fall into the realm of being a spiritual event. And they may have judgment or look down on this as a shadow aspect to the energetic, may look down on people who might be a sexual type or kinky type, as that form of erotic expression is not spiritual to them. So these are all interesting distinctions of all of the five blueprint types that we've uncovered.  Neil Sattin: Yeah. Where we're dancing around a little bit. But let's, as you suggested, kind of dive in and detail each one a little bit more. We've spent some time on the energetics. So maybe let's flesh that one out a little bit more and then we'll kind of move through the others that we've chatted about already.  Ian Ferguson: Perfect. Perfect. Yeah. So the energetic is turned on by: anticipation, tease, space. They're very sensitive, energetically sensitive, environmentally sensitive, often emotionally sensitive. And this is the super power of the energetic type. They have the ability to be in an orgasmic state without even being touched. The breeze that blows across the hairs on their arm could send them into orgasm. A connection to themselves or the environment in some sort of spiritual connection could put them into an orgasmic state or into actual orgasm. So this is an amazing superpower for the energetic as well as on the flip side, can be a bit of the shadow or the challenge for the energetic. Because of that hypersensitivity, if somebody moves too fast, too quick and goes too deeply into the space of an energetic, it can turn into, overwhelm and shut down, so that the all the systems for the energetic will get overwhelmed. And they may actually be completely turned off or flatline in their turn on because the space has been collapsed.  Ian Ferguson: So if you're listening to me talking about this and let's say you have that experience of you're about to kiss somebody and there's all of this energy and all of this turn on happening as you're approaching the kiss, maybe teasing out the kiss a little bit. And for you, when you actually kiss, the energy or the eroticism, the turn on goes down significantly or maybe completely collapses, that might speak to you being an energetic type.  Neil Sattin: Got it. Got it. And I think you also mentioned in one of your guides about energetics being able to respond to someone's hands being placed just above their body. So like not even literally touching them, but just being in their energetic fields.  Ian Ferguson: Yes. So this is this is the fascinating thing and also something that if you are if this is not something you have access to at this point and your lover does, it can be quite a bizarre experience. You know, I didn't really have any access to this energetic turn on when I was first partnered with Jaiya. She's highly energetic. She's trained herself to be even more energetic than I think she naturally was. And she would have kriyas. I could put my hand above her body and she would be reacting to that without me even touching. And because she's a teacher of sexuality and because of the type of relationship we have, I could witness her in energetic connection with other people and see these really huge expressions, these physical manifestations of her orgasm when a person was, you know, a foot away, even 10 feet away. And at first I would look at this and to be honest, I was like, "Oh, what is this? Woo, woo. You know, B.S." I was like, "This is just people performing in there. They're making this stuff up." And it took me... Because, I tend to be a skeptic before I accept something. Even after I accept something, I'm still have some skepticism about it. But the the thing around the energetic is first I started to have my own experiences with it. And then I had a couple of trainings around something called Network Spinal Analysis, which is a form of chiropractic where they sometimes touch your body. But a lot of the work is done off of your body in energetic fields. And I had a couple of masters that I did a deep, deep workshop with Christine and John Amaral, and they basically blew open my energetic receptivity. And after that weekend, all the sudden was able to tap into something that really looked pretty mysterious, if not completely inauthentic, before I tapped into it myself. And now I'm like, oh, it's now it's it is interwoven in my eroticism. It is interwoven, actually, and just sort of how I approach my day to day life.  Neil Sattin: Wow, wow. What a transformation.  Ian Ferguson: For sure.  Neil Sattin: I am so fascinated and tempted to go down that road a little bit more. But before we do, let's jump to the next to the next type and we'll probably circle back around to these. But just so everyone knows, loosely, how do you define a type like what is what are the kinds of things that, "OK, I'm this kind of type. So that means that I have these kinds of physical experiences, these kinds of emotional experiences, these particular kinds of turn offs, these particular kinds of turn ons."  Ian Ferguson: Yes. So the turn ons or the superpowers of the blueprints are the positives or the things where you're going to have the easiest, fastest access to arousal to turn it on, to connection. And that defines often your access point or the positive blueprint that you may be. And then there are the shadow aspects of each blueprint type and you can have the full positive of this, full super powers of one blueprint type and have the shadows of a completely other type, and not have the turn on our shadow of those same types. I hope that made sense, what I just said.  Ian Ferguson: But the shadows are the things that are basically the brakes to your turn on. And Emily Nagasaki in her book "Come As You Are," talks about a bunch of research where, it is actually the brakes in people's sexuality, the things that put a stop to it that inhibit their ability to access pleasure or drop into expansion or discovery or a deeper understanding of their own turn ons and the shadow parts, that's what we talk about when we're talking about the shadow parts of the blueprints, those pieces that just shut it down for you. And it's bad, I think this land's better as I go through each blueprint type talking about the superpowers and the shadows of each one. So I can just jump into the sensual if you'd like? Neil Sattin: Sure. And just as a mention for you listening, Emily Nagasaki, whom in just mentioned, she was on the show Episode 123. So, if you want to hear here, Emily, it's a fascinating work. So, definitely check that out.   Ian Ferguson: She's awesome. She is so articulate about all of this stuff. So, yes, I would recommend your listeners. Go listen to Emily talk about that or read or pick up her book. Yeah. So the sensual type, the sensual type is, was one of my primary types I say "was" because I would say that I've really moved more into a shapeshifter in terms of my, all the superpowers that I've got going on. But the sensual is the type that brings artistry to sexuality. They are turned on by all of the senses being ignited. And that means that you can have an orgasm from eating that perfectly juicy, incredible strawberry. The sensuals will often when they're eating, they're the ones will be moaning they'll be like: "Mm... oh! Hmm!" And, you know, you can tell a shapeshifter often, by the way, that they dress, they'll wear textures and layers and often be perhaps touching themselves.  Neil Sattin: You mean a sensual?  Ian Ferguson: What did I just say?  Neil Sattin: You said shapeshifter.  Ian Ferguson: Oh, shapeshifter. Yeah. Sorry. A sensual will often be touching themselves. And one of their superpowers is the fully embodied orgasm. They'll find the orgasm all over their body in their own crevices of their arms, and their legs, uh, really, really fulfilling and rich. And a big difference between the energetic and the sensual, the energetic really gets turned on by that space, by the anticipation of the collapsing of the space without collapsing it. The sensual tends to want to get really snuggly and cuddly and tight and close in with their partner. So you can see where those two types might have a little challenge relating because one wants closeness, the other wants distance.  Ian Ferguson: The shadows of the sensual. Would be that there, those same things that can turn them on can become complete red flags and become very distracting. A sensual can get very lost in their head and have a hard time accessing their pleasure because they can't get relaxed, they can't drop into the space. So let's say the lights are too bright or the music is the wrong song or too loud. They've got bills to pay or a call that they didn't return, there's socks on the floor. All of these things can lead to intense distraction of the sensual. And when the sensual is not connected to their body, they can't drop into their eroticism. So. You know, often what we'll say is that the sensual needs to relax to have sex.  Neil Sattin: Got it. Got it. And one thing I'm curious about is language, as well. And you talk about the different ways that we actually use words and our voices and how that can have an impact based on the erotic type that you that you are. So how might that be different between an energetic and a sensual person?  Ian Ferguson: Well, there's so many aspects of speaking the blueprints, you know, I'll probably talk about this a little bit later, but we, in more detail, but we talk about once you learn your blueprint and you learn the sort of basics of what turn you on, turn you off, the next step there is to be able to learn to speak, feed, heal and expand your blueprints. So one of those pieces is what you're pointing to, which is being able to speak the blueprint. And in speaking the blueprint, that's the full range of what it means to speak. So that can be the words that you use. That can be the body language that you have associated to your eroticism. What turns you on in that realm, and a congruency between, say, vocal tone and your energy and your presence. So between these two types of the energetic and sensual, the energetic, a light energetic. So let me we can get into so many wonderful distinctions about all of these blueprints. But, there's light-energetic, and there's the dark-energetic. The light-energetic when speaking or being spoken to is potentially going to have a little bit of a loftier, lighter tone, maybe a little bit of lilting, but not crazy melodic, tends to be smooth and something that is gonna be flowing not staccato.  Neil Sattin: This is so hilarious. I'm thinking of Marianne Williamson. While you're....  Ian Ferguson: Yeah, that's perfect.  Neil Sattin: But honestly, I think even like Diana Richardson, who's been on the show, you can hear that in her voice, for sure.  Ian Ferguson: Yes. And they might choose the language of, "I feel so connected to you. I feel that we've been really connected through time. And this feels like a universal connection. And my heart is so, it would be so open to you if we could just spend some time being present with each other." So absolute presence, clarity of intention. And they'll often talk about the cosmic. Energetic may also use their hands in sort of flowing patterns when they're expressing themselves. And then alternately, a sensual they may have very expressive, and they may get into very you know, they may may use tone and like really get into the richness of their voice and how they express and they'll talk about, "Oh, this is just so juicy and delicious. What we're talking about, I just love, you know, they'll point to colors and oh, the beautiful day outside and the trees are so green. So they'll notice all of those sensory elements and often be framing things in the language of the senses.  Neil Sattin: Great. Yeah.  Ian Ferguson: Yep. So we can we can pull out little elements of that as we talk about the other blueprint types as well.  Neil Sattin: Awesome. Let's let's proceed to the next one. Yeah.  Ian Ferguson:So the sexual. That is sort of the zone where our society focuses advertising what sort of put out front and center often in music. It's the stereotype of what sex should be. And the sexual is one of the more simple. They they just bring the fun. And by simple I don't mean there's not depth. I just mean that they don't overcomplicate the process of sex. It's about genitals, it's about orgasm. It's about, you know, fucking and coming and all of the the great things that just are raw, pure sex. They're gonna be attracted to the physical, though, in terms of the body language of sexual may be the type of person you're talking to and they're gonna be scanning your body up and down more than meeting you in the eyes. It's just that that sort of limbic animalistic turn on and they're their superpower is that simplistic. They can go from zero to 60 in zero seconds flat, as long as they have certainty, like, "OK, that's what this is about. We're gonna get down to it. I know I'm going to have the orgasm." It's kind of like if everybody has an orgasm, then it's all good. We succeeded. Yay! And in contrast to the sensual, the sexual often needs to have sex in order to relax. Whereas you heard me say before, the sensual needs to relax in order to have sex. So there was some point here that popped into my head about the sexual... and I'm forgetting it.  Neil Sattin: Well, maybe it'll come back to you. But what you just said, I'm curious about kind of the gendered nature of particularly sensual versus sexual.  Do you find that it's a male bodied versus female bodied thing or not? Because that's kind of the classic example. Right? Like, the guy just wants to go straight to having sex and the woman needs time to, like chill out and and and really be relaxed and in her body. And in a lot of cases, that's true.  Ian Ferguson: Yes.  Neil Sattin: So what do you find in the as you've worked with, you know, hundreds and hundreds of people around this?  Ian Ferguson:So, yeah. Genitals are not just the descriptor or the diagnostic for telling us what our primary blueprint type is. We've had, I think over one hundred and fifty thousand people take the quiz at this point. Neil Sattin:Great. Ian Ferguson:And there is a light correlation to gender or genitals in terms of what we stereotypically think. But there is a large population of energetic cock-body people, you know, walking around the planet. There are a lot of men like myself who are sensual. So, gender is not really the deciding factor on any significant level of what blueprint type you are. Neil Sattin: OK, great. Good to know. I mean, I knew that, but I. But I wanted everyone to know that.  Ian Ferguson: And I also want to say something here, too, that is really important: if you are not experiencing any of the ecstatic states or the sort of forms of sexuality or the ease of access to your eroticism that we're speaking about here, there is nothing wrong with you. You're not broken. You are not wrong. Our deeper philosophy is that there's actually nothing to fix. It's really about creating an access to who you are first and foremost. So you accept yourself so that you can honor who you are, where you are, and that then opens up the opportunity to explore and find out other aspects of who you are. If you want to. So none of these are like, if you want them, great. If you want these heightened connections to your eroticism or your orgasm. Fantastic. If it's not your thing. Fantastic. Again, nobody's wrong, broken, and there's nothing to fix.  Neil Sattin: Got it. Yeah. That's that's one of the things that for me, I think was so freeing. Even in just taking the quiz was was that feeling of like, 'Oh, I'm I'm OK, just as how I am.' There was no aspect of the results of the quiz that said, here's where you're damaged or here's how you shouldn't be. So I appreciate that a lot.  Ian Ferguson: You know, and this is also something that that's what it was. And it's kind of ties back in again. Within the realm of therapy around sex or sex therapy, there is often the... putting of sex into the place of aberrant behavior or, you know, diagnosing things in the form, there's a word that's escaping my mind right now. But associating different behaviors to, you know, the quote unquote, unhealthy.  Neil Sattin: Right pathologizing.  Ian Ferguson: Pathologizing sexuality in a lot of the literature within that the that psychologists and therapists study, really only refers to sexuality in the frame of pathology. So that is, and there are amazing sex therapists out there. And we have erotic blueprint coaches who are teaching our methodology where we're just, and these things have been changing in the DSM, where, you know, Kinky was a pathology, I think not even 10 years ago. And that has now been taken out of the DSM as a pathology. Sothings are shifting. And part of our work is the intent to accelerate that path towards acceptance that we are erotic beings. We are very diverse erotic beings. And the problems tend to come more when we're shoving these aspects of ourselves in the closet and siloing ourselves and feeling lost and alone with no ability to articulate who we are and who these natural instincts and being able to funnel them in a way that we're creating consciousness around them and that they're happening with consent, that we understand how to declare boundaries, we understand what consent really means. And that we have agency in our own eroticism. So it's very important to us to normalize consensual sexual behavior in all of its forms.  Neil Sattin: Right. And I like the ability to bring consciousness to all of those forms. So I think typically one might think, for instance, of the sexual type as not a conscious type of sexuality, but in fact, if you bring consciousness to it and your awareness of how you are turned on by sight and sound and sexual language and very like, visceral sexual related things, then you are actually bringing a level of awareness that allows you to evolve when, how you how you approach that with other people and how your boundaries and edges bump up against someone else's.  Ian Ferguson: Yes, exactly. Love it.  Neil Sattin: All right. Let's go to the next one. So we've done an energetic, sensual, sexual and now?  Ian Ferguson: Well, there would be kinky next. But with the sexual, we get to talk a little bit about the shadow aspect.  Neil Sattin: Right. Right. Thank you.  Ian Ferguson: Yeah. So one of the shadow aspects is this part of the sexual that tends to look to: "This is what sex is, and why is everybody making it so complicated?" So they can get this short sighted or single focused and sort of miss out on that smorgasbord of availability. And the shadow is often more an interrupter for the partner of a sexual, than it might be for the sexual themselves because there there could be just as a lack of awareness or even an acceptance that there's more on the table, more on offer. There may be different ways of communicating about eroticism and turn on than just getting right to the act of sex and orgasm. And, you know, and genitals so that that can be a shadow aspect. Another shadow aspect of the sexual, what we'll notice in some of our clients is that sometimes for the sexual they, this isn't true universally, but sometimes there will be being caught in an adolescent sexuality and we'll uncover that, perhaps they were shamed very distinctly or told that their sexuality or turn on was bad. So they at a very young age or have stuck it in the closet and they've never been felt safe to express themselves in their overt turn on by genitals and sex and the desire for it. So they will have certain behaviors that are just kind of unconscious around their sexuality. Where they may be less aware of a partner while they're engaged with that partner. The partner becomes objectified and feels objectified. So this is... This always feel a little challenging to talk about with a sexual because it sounds like a potentially like a judgment. But as you and I have been talking about, it's really just about bringing a new awareness to these things and being able to accept where we're at and then be able to expand out of that to give ourselves the acceptance so that then we can say we can actually get our eyes above the above the horizon and see more of what's possible. The sexual also, this isn't so much a shadow aspect, but the sexual... sex is kind of like like air and water. It is  a necessity for a sexual. It is what has them feel connected to themselves, alive, dropped in. So a sexual who is getting plenty of sex and really feeling satisfied on that front is going gonna tend to be much more effective at work and in their other relationships. They're just going to feel like they're together. They got it handled and they can go out and conquer the world. On the flip side, a sexual who is not getting their sexual needs fed and fulfilled, they can really feel atrophied and starved and sometimes unseen in their relationship because there they are looking for acceptance for that intensity of desire that they have in their eroticism.  Neil Sattin: I'm curious, as you talk about this, what you offer couples where let's say someone who's a sensual or an energetic, is with a sexual. And it feels like typically the way I might have approached something like that is to encourage the sexual person to really learn the sensual language, learn the energetic language. How do you help people who are more sensually oriented, who need the slowness, who need to relax in order to have sex? How do you help them meet a sexual person who wants that, like visceral, quick, rapid thing?  Ian Ferguson: Yeah. So that is that is an incredible question. And of course, one that the answers can often be very individual. And you know,one of the other things that we say quite often is that we wish to bust the myth of sexual incompatibility. That we are not sexually incompatible. We simply do not know how to speak each other's language of turn on. And that is particularly apparent in the pair up that you mentioned here when you're talking about an energetic with a sexual. And oddly enough, you know, that's we'll see a lot of that pairing, this sort of like opposites attract. And if you look at the core of the opposite attracts piece. It has to do with these recognizing in someone else these unlived or untapped aspects of vitality that we don't understand. We may look at and you know, if we have, if we're in the pheromonal soup and we're in love with that person, those, if I'm a sexual, and I'm getting turned on by an energetic, in the first flush of relationship, it may be like, oh, my God, this person is so amazing. They're so unique. I love these pieces of themselves. And then as the limerence period wears off, that initial six to two years and we fall back into our natural primary blueprint, then that's when the divergence happens and we start to see the sexual gets frustrated by the energetics need. The energetic has felt that their boundaries have been crossed or they haven't spoken up for themselves and they've been trying to live and satisfy their sexual while completely crossing their own boundaries to do so. And then resentments build up. And without the language of the blueprints, there's no recognition of like, oh, this is just our types speaking. And now there's an opportunity to bridge the gap and discover where we can meet each other.  Ian Ferguson: So, there are a lot of ways that we go about bridging this gap in the work that we do. You know, one of the things that I mentioned earlier is we've got the speak, feed, heal and expand. And expanding into other blueprints is a big thing of what we teach, and how you can work to bridge the gap if you find yourself in a relationship where you are in opposing blueprints. Another another way that we'll work with people is to find where there is synergy. So we've got something that we use called the sex communication checklist. And it's a whole bunch of sexual practices broken down by blueprint type where you can say, "Yes, I'm interested in that. Mmm, I'm a maybe or I'm curious about that. And here are my no-ways." And we'll encourage our couples or people who are in poly relationships or whatever your relationship configuration is, or if you're dating, we even encourage people who are, you know, getting to that stage in their their dating life to share the sex communication checklist with their partner. And you fill it out separately...  Neil Sattin: You mean on the first date? Ian Ferguson: Yeah, well, for us, we kind of do that. So Jaiya and I will do that kind of thing with somebody that we're interested in, because that's the way we want to have our conversations, just like, Boom. Here it is. For others, you know, you may wait your second, third, fourth, 10th date. Just it's really your comfort level. But, you know, the advice is to go and fill those things, those forms out separately and then come back and compare and contrast. So you'll find just in those areas where you're both a total yes. Then you'll find areas where you might have been a yes and there are willing to or vise versa. You're willing to. And they were a full yes. Those are other areas where you can play.  Ian Ferguson: And then there's the no-ways, which you know, those, the no-ways can change over time. But when you're in the first flush of really starting to articulate where you do connect.My recommendation is to not push on the no-ways to just get curious about them, because sometimes there's misunderstandings about what those know ways really mean, especially when it comes to zones of eroticism like kinky and energetic, where some of the language is not so obvious and projections and stereotypes may come in and have somebody judge what they think it means when somebody wants to do something like breath play or knife play. So getting curious about what that means if you've got a hard no-way but your partners a hell-yes to someplace where you don't meet up starting to ask questions. Well, what do you mean by that? What would that provide to you if we did play that way? What if you know what turns you on about that? So you start to open up a dialog of empathy with your partner about what it provides for them. And that's actually a third thing that I would talk about, which is actually a primary aspect of any great communication, which is essentially curiosity first. So the moment there's a trigger of the moment, there's a misunderstanding, the moment that something arises where there's discomfort or contraction, taking a breath, taking a moment and getting curious. What you mean by that? Was that mean to you? What pleasure would that provide? Why is it important to you? Instead of going into whatever our preconceptions may be, because we may be wildly off in in whatever caused us to contract or pull away or not hear our partner and their desires and needs?  Neil Sattin: Yeah. Yeah. So there are so many different things that have come up for me over the course of what you're just saying, and I'm going to try to distill it. So one was the way that... Because you mentioned consent and boundaries as being so important and, so how do you encourage curiosity while at the same time honoring boundaries? You know, I'm thinking like, let's just take an example just to like, make it concrete.  Ian Ferguson: Sure.  Neil Sattin: And we'll we'll use this, like problems situation. So you've got a sexual person who's just like: "I just want you like when, I get home from work, what would be amazing is you if you just went down on me. And that would feel amazing to me." And their energetic partner is like, "Oh, my God. Like, that's the last thing I want to do when you get home from work. I need space. I need to like feel out how your how your energy is before I'm willing to..." Right? So an energetic person might say, "Well, I have a boundary and that's my boundary. I'm not gonna to I mean..." Especially an energetic person. Right. Because they're all about the space where the sexual person is just like, "No, come over here and like. Touch me. Do me." You know, in some way.  Ian Ferguson: "Yeah. Let's get to it!" Neil Sattin: Yeah. So how would you... I think it's easy to kind of go in the inverse way where you talk to the sexual person and be like, "You just gotta learn to be patient and enjoy the anticipation." Right? But let's be fair here. And so that's one thing. And, I want to just place that in the context of... my guess, which is that what comes up when a lot of people take your quiz and find out these things about themselves erotically, is that you get the relief, the sense of, oh, that's who I am, or that's so freeing to have learned that about myself and to learn that and to guess that about my partner. But then, there's the pain of recognition like, oh, this is this is maybe also at the heart of some of the ways that we haven't been working so well. You know, we got through the limerence stage and we've been in this place of tension and discomfort. So it makes me think about what you mentioned about the need for healing. And so it feels like those two things need to coexist, because if you're dealing with this hypothetical energetic and sexual couple, if that's been going on for any length of time, there's going to need to be a context of healing that allows them to even step into that space.  Ian Ferguson: Sure. Boy. One thing that's amazing about this conversation in general is how kaleidoscopic it is as we open one topic, then it starts to thread into all of the other areas.  Neil Sattin: I know, and we still have two more types to talk about. Ian Ferguson: Exactly. So the. OK, so one thing is that it is going to be just as difficult, sometimes, more difficult for the sexual, to put the brakes on what they need and want. And often that shows up in that they have been feeling unfed, like their libido is through the roof. They'd be having sex three times a day, while their energetic partner needs the connection. The space maybe rarely opens to full on intercourse and eroticism in a way that both people are are really feeling satisfied. So, we're dealing with opposing blueprints and we're dealing with what appears from the outside to look like potentially an unbridgeable gap. And in that space, the curiosity piece is vital. Let's take it from the energetics perspective and their sexual partners just said this to them: "This is really how I want it. I want you to go down on me the moment I come in the door." And from the energetic perspective, you could be saying, first acknowledging, "Thank you for letting me know that. I'd love to be able to provide that for you. And it's going to take some growth, I think, for me to get there. And I would like to know one, what it provides for you? Like, how does that make you feel?" So that as it is the energetic asking that question, can I start to bridge the gap and create an empathetic bridge of really understanding how their partner gets fed? And sometimes, even just really opening up the dialog so that  anybody in a relationship can be fully seen will take the pressure down several inches of: "It's gotta look this way. I've gotta, when I come home, we've got to be able to take my pants down and you gotta go down on me. That's the only way it's gonna be." So allowing for it to be seen and heard and say, "God, I really want that for you. I want that for us. And I'm scared because.." and getting into personal vulnerability. "I'm scared in it as well, because I want to provide that for you. And I think if I do that, I'm going to actually contract and feel less close to you. So I want to figure out a way to do this. But I really want to figure out a way to do that, so it works for both of us. Are you willing to explore and figure out how we can do that?" Ian Ferguson: So, then that leads into the exploration and in deeper curiosity and starting to find a way. So we're getting some synergy here, hopefully between two people with willingness. That's a primary need inside a relationship, a willingness to try and meet each other and see each other and then starting to play with what we think it's supposed to look like.  Ian Ferguson: So, you know, a specific example with the energetic may be, you know, "You're away at work all day. I don't really have any idea where you're at. I don't know what you're gonna be like when you come in the door. And if you're full of stress and anxiety, I pick it up immediately. And, I just feel tension and I don't feel comfortable feeling close to you. So why don't we try that throughout the day, you'll send me a text giving me where you are emotionally and giving me a piece of, telling me some way that you love me." So it's an energetic foreplay so that there's a sense of connection while the person's away at work. And it's not this immediate leap into just genital based sex, but they have some connection. "And when you come in the door for a week, let's try where or for the next two weeks we'll try it. We'll do this and I'll I'll go down on you shortly after you come home from work. But what I want to try to get there is, I'd like five minutes of eye gazing and breathing together. And then I'll go down on you." So starting to get into basically the science of your turn on and your partner's turn on and finding ways where you can bridge the gap and, there's no compromise. One of our mentors, Kelly Bryson, who wrote the book. "Don't Be Nice. Be Real." has a beautiful phrase I love, which is compromise is resentment, 50/50. So the whole book is about nonviolent communication. And the real gift of nonviolent communication, from my perspective, is the ability to find such a deep sense of empathy with the other that you find synergy such that you can figure out how you can meet each other's needs willingly without any compromise and get really creative about how you get to that solution.  Neil Sattin: Yeah, I want that for all of you listening. I want you to that experience. So just as a reminder, if you want to take the quiz to figure out what kind of type you are and you and you get a nice breakdown of what percentage you are of all the types. And we still have two more to talk about. You can visit erotic-breakthrough-dot-com-slash alive. We will have a transcript of this conversation at Neil-Sattin-dot.com-slash-erotic, which will also have links to Ian and Jaiya's sites, so you can get more information that way. And you guys, do you have have a course, right, that's not only walks people through this stuff, but also helps them go through all these stages that you were talking about expanding into each other's blueprints, and feeding themselves. And they're obviously this is such a rich conversation, so what is the course that you offer people?  Ian Ferguson: So we have a number of ways that we dive into this material. But the sort of the the entrance point is the erotic blueprint breakthrough course. And that is an online course. Along with it comes the opportunity to be part of our online community, our online membership group for three months as a bonus, just to kind of dip your toe in there. And the blueprint course is a very deep dive into the blueprints, because the blueprints, as you may be picking up, are not just simply about a sort of surface level idea of what you're erotic blueprint type is, but the blueprints are the core, your core erotic blueprints, what stage of sexuality you're in, where you are with the four pathways to sexual health and pleasure. These are all aspects of our sexuality. And we're really looking at sexuality as a 360 degree, you know, kaleidoscope of who you are, where you are in your life, what your aspirations are in your sexuality. And the blueprint course walks you through that process of really dialing in through games like fun ways to discover what your blueprint type is because you can take the quiz and that's your mind answering the questions. But when you get in your body, you may get different answers. You may open up in ways that you do you didn't that are a surprise, like oh! An example of that is a lot of people will take the quiz and the written portion of something related to kinky or even their predisposition to maybe have judgments about the selves around kink or shame around their kinky desires, may have them answering those questions either a little more carefully or kind of avoiding the thing that might turn them on, or may not just even relate to them because it's not a physical experience. But when you start doing things like our A-B game or the body mapping, which are games that we lead you through, then you start to get a real sense of your pleasure map. And these are great things to do with a partner, with somebody you're dating or a long term relationship to start to map each other's pleasure and start to really get a vocabulary and a way to articulate all your needs. So you can get them fed and fulfilled in relationship. And then there's the health and wellness aspect of our sexuality. Our hormonal health, our biochemical health, our bio energetic health and our emotional health. And this is another aspect inside of the blueprint course where I had spoken earlier about the healing portion around this, where we dive into those aspects, those things that may be putting the brakes on your sexuality, that may have you stopping yourself at that edge of where you really want to explore, where you really want to open up. There's a number of factors that go into really being able to to have a well rounded, vital vitality around your eroticism.  Neil Sattin: So in other words. It's a super comprehensive course, where you would get a lot probably out of going through it. And if you take the quiz, then Ian and Jaiya will make you aware of how to how to get the course and when they launch it and when it's available for you.  Ian Ferguson: For sure.  Neil Sattin: Definitely, check that out.  Ian Ferguson: Thanks for boiling that down..  Neil Sattin: Quick side note you have. You have definitely a hard stop at 2:30 your time?  Ian Ferguson: It could go a little longer.  Neil Sattin: Okay. I'm just eyeballing the clock and I want to honor your time. And thank you. We have two more to do.  Neil Sattin: So and then you also do some live events to write for.  Ian Ferguson: Yes, for. So every year we do something called Paths to Passion. That's that's sort of our entry level workshop where we introduce you to blueprints on a deeper level. This last year in October, we just do it once a year, we had 540 people at this event. It is just a beautiful way to drop in, start to get familiar a bit with our community and some of our coaches. And that's awesome. Our other workshops basically require you to have done that first workshop or at least have gone through the erotic blueprint breakthrough course, because we at each level of workshop that we offer, we go a little deeper, we get a bit more experiential with what we're doing. Again, everything at our live workshops is all very consent based and based on, you know, respecting people's boundaries and not doing anything to coerce anyone to do anything they don't want to do. The Path to Passion Workshop is, you know, I call it PG-13 because we definitely use racy language, we are talking about sex, but it's a clothes on, you know, there are immersive practices that are part of it, but it's all pretty digestible even from somebody who may be completely new to in diving into their own sexual exploration.  Neil Sattin: Got it. Yeah, I could imagine being excited about something like that. Being really nervous about something like that.  Ian Ferguson: Sure. We have people who just say that they're terrified to come Paths to Passion and pretty universally, on the flip side of that, they're just like, "Oh, wow, you've just normalized a conversation that I've had so much tension about my entire life. And I felt so safe in your community, in your environment. I felt taken care of." And, you know, more often than not, and the majority of people who come to that event come out with a stronger sense of their accepting themselves. Accepting the conversation and feeling comfortable, many times, for the first time to even claim what they want, who they are, and expressing a willingness to go after it.  Neil Sattin: Yeah. That was exactly the word that was coming to me. Like fostering that willingness for themselves and in the way that they understand others too.  Ian Ferguson: Yeah, for sure.  Neil Sattin: Okay. So for all those people out there who are like when are they going to talk about the other two types?  Ian Ferguson: That's it. We're using the energetic tease to hold out and have you want it really badly. A little bit of kink in not letting, not giving you what you desire.  Neil Sattin: Yeah. Let's transition to the kinky type.  Ian Ferguson: Cool. So kinky actually ends up being my primary blueprint. It is my fastest path to arousal. The kinky world is a vast, vast world. And simply put, we think of kinky as whatever is taboo for you. And that may run counter to the stereotype that people witness and see, even from movies like "50 Shades of Grey," where often it's the edgier aspects of kink that are that are labeled as kink or seen as kink. The leather. The dungeons. The whips and chains. Pain. These aspects of kink. And they are, they are part of the world of kink. But there are only one segment of it. So whatever taboo, whatever is taboo for you. For example, Jaiya had some clients in her practice who had been married for 40 years. They went to the same restaurant every Tuesday night, then every Thursday night, they would have sex and they would only have sex in missionary position. So when they started coaching with Jaiya and they started exploring having sex doggy style or doing oral sex, these things which may be very vanilla to your listeners or just most of your listeners, that was really edgy, hugely taboo and carried all of this thrill. So that was kinky for them. Whereas for others, kinky may mean, you know, intense submission scenes or intense rope tying and knife play, could even be hooks. You know, it can get very, very, very intense. And further, we break down kink into two different categories. We think about the psychological kink, which deals more with power games, power play, control and surrender from a not so much like the constriction and bondage in that version, but more somebody giving their power or submitting to the person who is in control of the scene. Psychological games.  Neil Sattin: Yeah, something like come over here, you know. Face the wall.  Ian Ferguson: Yes. Yeah. Get on your knees.  Neil Sattin: Like that sort of thing. Yeah. Ian Ferguson:  That sort of thing. Or you have to hold these paperclips on your fingertips with your arms outstretched and if you drop when you're gonna get a punishment. So that would be as a psychological predicament game. And then we have the physiological or the physical which tends to be more the spankings, the canings, the constriction. I'm a big fan of constriction as part of one of my turn ons. So it's more just the physical aspects of it. And you can be both. I'm certainly both psychological and physiological kink, kind of blended together. And the superpowers of the kink also, they're wildly creative. Other superpowers of the kink would be often in conscious kink, which I would recommend you practice highly conscious kink and highly safe kink if you're interested in this realm of exploration. The one of the superpowers is also the creation of the scene, creating really clear boundaries, creating really clear consent conversations and creating arousal and turn on by really setting up those scenes and scenarios with such clarity and holding those containers really powerfully. Other superpowers for the kinky, kind of like the energetic is, you can have orgasms without even being touched. So one example is a friend of ours did a scene with someone where they tied her all up. They tied her to a really powerful music speaker. Cranking like heavy metal music, and they gave the impression by shutting a door that they had left her alone in that room and so she was in this state of of fear, surrender all of these endorphins running in her system. And from her telling, she was left there for hours. That could have been 30 minutes and it felt like hours. But then the dom came in and slammed the door really hard. And she had the most insane orgasm, squirting orgasm that she'd ever had in her life. And he didn't touch her at all. So, that's an incredible super power of the kinky, as well as being able to go into what's called subspace. And that is that sort of endorphin rush where you completely surrender to sensation. And so it can often I mean, for me, the couple of times of I've accessed it, it's essentially same thing to me as reaching highly spiritual states through tantric sex or meditation. you go into a oneness state where you have surrendered identity, you've surrendered any sense of time or space, and it's for many people in the kink community, it's sort of the Valhalla. It's the thing you're seeking when you're doing this kind of scene work.  Neil Sattin: Got it.  Ian Ferguson: Yeah. And shadow aspects of the kinky would be one of the biggest ones is shame.  Neil Sattin: Yeah.  Ian Ferguson: So deep, deep shame. What's wrong with me? Why am I like this? As Jaiya and I, we use our personal life as a petri dish of experimentation. And that's where we've gotten so many of the games and techniques and things that we're that we teach is that we've played with this stuff in our own lives. And one of the ways that we dove really deeply into the realm of kink, kinky was a zero on Jaiya's blueprint quiz. And it was a, I don't remember what that percentage was was like, forty seven percent on mine. It was my primary blueprint. So here Jaiya and I in our relationship went through a three year period of deep disconnection. I mean, we were, we were almost done well. And she was an energetic sexual and I was sensual kinky. We were completely on opposite ends of the spectrum and we didn't realize it because Jaiya hadn't downloaded the blueprints yet. They were starting to come into play and she was trying, she was coming home from strip classes and doing cat pounces and trying to turn me on in a sexual blueprint. While we're in this period of time and I, my sensual was kind of like looking for that closeness and connection and down regulation while she was jumping in with, "I need sex, I don't want sex and approaching me from a sexual viewpoint." And we were just missing each other entirely, feeling unseen, unheard. Jaiya was crying herself to sleep at night. And I was you know, my confidence was just dropping through the floor. And in that state I was pulling back and not giving her my presence. So we were really headed towards the end of our relationship until this stuff started to get dialed in, of like, "Oh, that's who you are. Erotically. Wow. Okay. Now I can start to learn how to speak that." Or, when you come on to me in that way, I know what it means as opposed to thinking you're just imposing what you want on me. And I'm a tool of your turn on that kind of thing.  Neil Sattin: Yeah. I think in the interview I heard with Jaiya. She spoke a little bit about that and her journey from well, she was writing a book on kink, right? Did that come first? Like she got the book deal. And she's like, "Alright, now I've got to figure this out." Ian Ferguson: Yeah. We had done we had gone into some stuff that we teach that really started to heal our relationship, which is actively putting ourselves in sex life challenges where we're taking on a form of exploration and setting it on a calendar and making a date to explore in that way. And that was one of the big beginnings of the healings inside of our relationship. And also diving into the kink realm, which you're exactly right. Jaiya got the book deal to do the book on Kink and then had to do a bunch of research because you didn't know anything about it. And we dove into a 40-40 experiment where for 40 days, Jaiya dominated me and I was submissive. We took ten days off and then I dominated her for 40 days and she was submissive. And during those days, we were studying with kink experts in the bondage realm and the psychological kink realm in all sorts of areas of kink to really get a full understanding what the world was about. And that's when... like, I knew I was kinky and I thought it was a little bit of light bondage and some, you know, gender play and things like that. But the level and depth of my kink fully came into fruition when we started diving into this 40-40 experiment. I had no idea how much of a turn on it was for me and sort of how deep it went in my erotic map. And nor did Jaiya. So this whole aspect of my eroticism wasn't even being seen or honored by both of us. And one of the things I kept asking, you know, 30 days in to my being submissive to Jaiya, was like, "Why does this stuff turn me on?" I mean, there's this assumption or this this prejudice to think that kink is born out of people who were abused or have some dysfunction. And I had no sexual abuse. I had none of these things associated to that. So I'm ike, what is this about?! And one of our kink teachers during this kept hearing me ask the question. They said, "Stop asking the question, just enjoy yourself." It was just like a breath of relief of like, Oh, yeah, right. It doesn't have to mean anything. It's just what turns me on and I can play with it. And as long as I'm playing with it safely and consensually, it's a beautiful exploration.  Neil Sattin: And was there anything in particular that you recall, Jaiya doing that helped her with what I imagine might have been challenging as primarily an energetic, which is her judgment around it?  Ian Ferguson: Yeah. So there are a bunch of trigger things for Jaiya in the realm of kink. One was how far out my edges were because she couldn't find them. So, you know, there's in kink play. You'll set a scene, you'll begin the scene, you'll end the scene. And there's something often called aftercare, where in most circumstances, from my knowledge, the aftercare is usually guided towards having the submissive come back to their body and feel comfortable and connected because they've often gone through a very intense experience. Well, a Dom can also go through a very intense experience because they're holding the container for any number of you know edgy sexual explorations. For Jaiya, who is energetic, you know, when she first started doing kink, she would and was getting trained by a kink master, she would give somebody a spanking and she smacked their ass and then she'd go: "Are you okay? Are you breathing?" And the submissive would look up at her with like anger in their eyes, like, what are you doing? And so the kink person was like, no, that is not it at all. They're signed up for this. This is what they've agreed to. This is what they want. It's not going to check in with them after, you know, everything that you do. The time for that is in aftercare, after the scene is over. So anyway, we would do these scenes and Jaiya would be, you know, going pretty deeply into anything from, you know, we'd be playing with caning one session, we'd be playing with really derogatory language in another session, and usually we come out the other other end of the scene and she'd say, "I need some cuddling, I need some aftercare." So I come out like, "Oh, my God, that was great. We could've gone so much further!" And with no need for aftercare because I was just in a state of turn on and fun and arousal. So aftercare was a big thing, when I was dominating Jaiya, we started to u

Are you interested in integrating mindfulness into your sex life? Either sex with a partner or sex with yourself? If so, this is the podcast for you! I was so pleased when Diana Richardson agreed to be on the podcast. Diana is an internationally leading teacher on tantra and mindful sex. You'll soon realise through listening that she's an intelligent and kind woman, who knows her subject.  The post 091 – Mindful Sex – with Diana Richardson appeared first on Mindfulness Online Training.

And Albany just proved it! Brooklyn Senator Zellnor Myrie and Assemblywoman Diana Richardson stop by to chat about the groundbreaking rent reform legislation. Plus, No IDC NY puts the Assembly on it’s to-do list. Our guests plead the fifth on their 2020 picks, sorta. The Queens District Attorney debate was shockingly lit. And we say our goodbyes to Sarah Huckabee Sanders and a few others! For bonus content, join the party at patreon.com/houseparty.

And Albany just proved it! Brooklyn Senator Zellnor Myrie and Assemblywoman Diana Richardson stop by to chat about the groundbreaking rent reform legislation. Plus, No IDC NY puts the Assembly on it’s to-do list. Our guests plead the fifth on their 2020 picks, sorta. The Queens District Attorney debate was shockingly lit. And we say our goodbyes to Sarah Huckabee Sanders and a few others! For bonus content, join the party at patreon.com/houseparty.

Remember that spark you had with your partner when you first met? Butterflies in your stomach. Constantly checking for a text message or call from them. Daydreaming about your next date. Well, how do you get that back after you’ve settled into a routine of work, home, dinner, dishes, mouthguard, sleep? How about after a year? Five years? Or even a decade? Today you’ll learn how to use mindfulness techniques rediscover what’s amazing about your partner. Today’s guest is Dr. Cheryl Fraser. Cheryl combines her knowledge of how the mind works from a psychological and Buddhist perspective with her mission to help people create sexy, passionate, playful relationships. She’s also the author of Buddha’s Bedroom: The Mindful Loving Path to Sexual Passion and Lifelong Intimacy. As always, I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this episode and what revelations and questions it creates for you. Please join us in the Relationship Alive Community on Facebook to chat about it! Resources: Check out Buddha’s Bedroom on Amazon Visit Cheryl Fraser’s website Click here to get tickets to Relationship Alive...LIVE on June 6, 2019 featuring Terry Real and musical guest Katie Matzell Visit www.neilsattin.com/bb to download the transcript, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the transcript to this episode with Tammy Nelson. I want to know you better! Take the quick, anonymous, Relationship Alive survey FREE Guide to Neil’s Top 3 Relationship Communication Secrets Guide to Understanding Your Needs (and Your Partner’s Needs) in Relationship (ALSO FREE) Support the podcast (or text “SUPPORT” to 33444) Amazing intro and outro music provided courtesy of The Railsplitters Transcript: Neil Sattin: Hello and welcome to another episode of Relationship Alive. This is your host, Neil Sattin. We’ve covered lots of aspects of how to develop true intimacy with your partner: how to communicate well, how to understand each other, how to get past your triggers. Today, I want to focus on how to bring that mindful connection that you’re developing with your partner into the bedroom. So that you can have passionate, thrilling, sexual connection with your partner. Because often that’s, if not part of why we’re in relationship, it’s a big part of why we’re in a relationship. In fact, recently I put the question out to the relationship alive community on facebook: “How important is sex to you?” and there were very few people who said “yeah, it’s not a big deal to me.” Almost everyone, without a doubt, talked about how important a sexual, intimate connection was. So there’s the intimacy, that’s your closeness, your connectedness, and then there’s your ability to bring that intimacy into the way you connect in the bedroom with your partner. And today we have an expert in that very topic to chat with us. Her name is Doctor Cheryl Fraser, and she is the author of Buddha’s Bedroom: The Mindful Loving Path to Sexual Passion and Lifelong Intimacy. And, Cheryl actually reached out to me and sent me a copy of her book, and I was just really moved by how simple it is, and yet how powerful the results can be for you. So, I’m really excited to have her here on the show. As usual, we will have a detailed transcript and show guide with relevant links. To download that, all you have to do is visit NeilSattin.com/bb -- and that stands for Buddha’s Bedroom. So I’m making it really easy for you. Or, you can as always text the word “Passion” to the number 33444 and follow the instructions. So let’s dive right in to the bedroom with Buddha and Doctor Cheryl Fraser. Thanks so much for joining us today. Cheryl Fraser: It’s so much my pleasure. So happy to be talking with you. Neil Sattin: Well, before we can get into bed, let’s talk about the way that you start your book which I love, which is bringing mindfulness to your relationship, and the sense that our partners aren’t there to make us happy. And how that desire for our partner to be that for us is at the root of so much unhappiness. So, before we can get really bed into partners, we often have this obstacle of feeling the resentments that we’ve stored about them. Or that abrasiveness that is actually an obstacle to the closeness, to the openness, to being there in a sexual way. So, how did you arrive there, and what, what is our good entry point here. Maybe it’s just with the Buddha, and how the Buddha’s teaching really do apply to the misery, the potential misery, of relationship as well as the bliss and joy. Cheryl Fraser: Yes. Well, I think the short handle there is that great love and great sex are all in our head. And that ultimately is absolutely true. When I’m in love with you, it’s in my head. When I’m disgruntled with you, it’s in my head. When I’m horny, it’s in my head, even if it’s in my body. That’s why we can have an orgasm in our sleep, with absolutely no physical contact. Because actual eroticism and sexual response is also in our heads. So, you know, the title of the book, is a little bit controversial in some circles. I’m a card-carrying buddhist, whatever that is, I’ve been studying for 25 years, and I teach buddhism in long retreats, and I’m studied in Tibet and India etcetera. And “Buddha’s Bedroom” is a bit of a misnomer, in that Buddha was a celibate monk after the age of, about, early twenties. After he left his pleasure palace, and his concubines, and his wife, and his infant child, to go discover the root of suffering. So. Why would we put Buddha in the Bedroom? Because ultimately the teachings of buddhism, and whether you’re a secular person, Christian, Hindu, Muslim, whatever your religious or philosophical bent is, the beautiful thing about the teachings of buddhist philosophy, is they’re simply about training your mind and looking at your experience, whatever your belief and religious system are, how do we bring that to love and sex, which is the root of your question. So in essence, whether I’m happy or not happy is in my mind. And that applies directly to our relationships. So I’ll give a very simple example. Neil Sattin: Great. Cheryl Fraser: Let’s say after this interview, you and I have to drive somewhere, we’ve got a meeting. And we each go out to our car after we hang up from each other, and we’ve each got a flat tire. So what happens next is entirely up to our head. Do we have a tantrum? “This is a terrible day, I’m going to be late for my interview, oh no, this is a disaster, why does this always happen to me!” None of that has anything to do with the tire. It’s completely due to my mind’s reaction to reality. Reality is I have a flat tire. So let’s say, I’m going to make me the bad guy and you’re going to be the enlightened one here Neil. Let’s say I’m the one that’s having a tantrum, and I’m freaking out “Wahh!!!” meanwhile Neil goes out to his car, and is a highly civilized human being, and sees his flat tire, and says “Oh, ok, that happened. I’ll have to adjust my plan now.” The difference between you and I is in our minds, and our mind’s reaction to reality in that moment. I freak out, and my mind goes into suffering and dismay, and creates my problem. Not the flat tire. You have the same real issue, the car won’t work in the way you need it to in here and now. And you simply go “Ok, that happened. Reality changed. And I, Neil, am going to go with the flow, and make a new plan. Call a friend, grab a bus, reschedule your appointment.” This is so simple. We all know that from our daily experience, when we react to something, that’s when we suffer. That’s Buddhism 101. How does that apply to love? Well, let’s say my sweet heart comes home today, and he promised he was going to get cat food. Now, my sweetheart has adult ADD, he’s a little bit forgetful. So let’s say he promised to get Cat Food. I texted him, “Hey hon, remember the cat food.” Because that’s part of our relationship agreement around his forgetting things. And he walks in, and we all know where this is heading, blissfully happy to see me, gives me a hug and a kiss, the cat’s meowing, where’s the cat food, his face falls. In that moment, reality is I have a person who’s forgotten to buy cat food. That’s all that’s happened. But what happens next can often be, and I’m not proud to admit that I’ve often gone there: “Oh, for goodness sakes. I can’t rely on you, I texted you, couldn’t you just check the phone before you leave the store. You know, what’s the deal.” I am suffering but it’s in my mind. It’s certainly not the cat food. It’s certainly not the cat’s fault. And arguably, and this is where it gets challenging, arguably my misery isn’t because my partner did or didn’t do something. My misery is because I don’t like reality. I don’t like the reality that they did or didn’t do something. So to your point in your introduction, about whether we are ever in the right relationship, or can we be happy in our relationship. I’m fond of saying we all marry or fall in love with the wrong person if we expect them to make us happy all the time. And the first quarter of the book is really about this teaching of examine your mindset, and don’t change your mate, change your mind. So most of the small or medium distresses in our relationship, sexually, romantically, communication wise, how we handle the chores, how we handle the commitments at christmas time -- whatever that is. The small and the medium distress, pain, annoyance, anger -- most of that we can get on top of that if we work with our mind. We can say “Oh, I’m so frustrated with Neil right now!” I can look at my mind, I can look at the emotion, I can feel the emotion in my body, I can look at the story: “Neil’s so unpredictable, he makes promises and he breaks them, nah nah nah.” I can harness that in, and ideally calm my body, calm my mind. Do a stretch, do a little meditation, go for a walk with the dog, and come back and say “Hey babe. I need to talk to you about something that’s really bothering me.” So when we take all of that, it sounds complex, it’s actually reasonably simple, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to do. But it’s reasonably simple to say “My mind is the root of my experience.” How I engage with you, my beloved, is, in reality we’re having engagements, but how my mind interprets them is where I’m either happy or not.” “Oh, I’ve got a hubby who forgets cat food, he’s such a sweetheart.” versus “I can’t rely on you. I’ve got to do everything myself.” Wow those lead down radically different roads. Neil Sattin: Right. Right. And so there are several different paths that I want to go down here. One of them, I just wanted to share, I had this interesting insight when I was reading Buddha’s Bedroom, which was thinking about the question that I’ve often get asked which is, “When I’ve done all this growth, what if I find out that my partner isn’t the person that I’m supposed to be with anymore?” And I think that a lot of what you just said is the answer to that question. Not 100% of the time, but probably 85 to 90% of the time, as long as that growth includes how you process your own stories about your partner and your relationship. And you may find yourself able to connect in totally new ways that aren’t based around the dysfunction that maybe brought you together to begin with. Which is so often the case. So I just wanted to share that because for me, it was actually really inspiring, as a way of saying, yeah you know what, when you reach a new level of growth, you also reach a new level of ability to take a new approach in something that’s problematic in your relationship. That’s part of the growing. And some of that is the relational skill -- it’s how you talk to Neil about the cat food he keeps forgetting. And another part of that is how the inner part of your conversation that’s happening. Recognizing that “Oh, it’s my mind that’s torturing me right now,” and whatever you do to get past that. And a question that I have for you is around, is around those moments, like, how would you describe someone being, having their story, and getting past their story, but still recognizing, maybe it’s not the cat food, but maybe it is a repeated sense of like, “Oh, in reality I’m noticing that my partner actually doesn’t pay much attention to me.” It’s not like you’re giving the negligent partner a blank check to walk all over the newly practicing buddhist, right? Cheryl Fraser: No, because that would just create more suffering. And buddhism is all about trying to reduce our suffering not increase it. So let me get a little more clear here, so if we’re becoming a little more aware, and we’re examining our inner experience and our relational experience, and we come to a dawning realization that maybe our partner’s not that great at paying romantic or connected attention to us. That’s partly what you’re putting out. What do we then do with that? And these are such vast, vast questions. And as relationship therapists and coaches, both of us, we know that there’s not pithy answer, but what I’m putting forward as a really important tool in the tool box that’s different than a lot of other relationship advice, is don’t immediately go to “I need to fix this situation.” i.e. teach you, bed you, plead, cajole, bully you into paying more attention to me, in order to be happy. That’s generally where we go. I have to fix the tire in order to be happy. And from buddhist philosophy, it’s a bit of a radical idea for most of us in the west who are not trained this way. Well, you don’t need to fix the tire to be happy. Ipso facto, I don’t need to get my partner to be attentive to me in a specific way that I would enjoy, in order to be happy. Whatttt. That means I’ve got all this space in which to be happy, with my inattentive, distracted partner. Who I know loves me deeply, and shows me in other ways. It also gives space for the two of us to say “Hey, but with the inattentive, distracted, not romantic part, that is something I would like to work on.” But now I’m working on it from a place of curiosity and wonder and friendship and play and good humored acceptance that that is not your strong suit, instead of pain, demand and almost a cyclical failure experience, where I’m hoping you’ll remember to -- Neil Sattin: Yeah. Cheryl Fraser: Ok, here’s one. Oh, I did not get his permission to share this, I’ll get it retrospectively. I had an experience with my dearly beloved this weekend. It was my birthday, and um, I told him that all I want is something with wrapping paper on it. I said I don’t care if it costs a dollar. It’s not about that. It’s because I love wrapping paper, not because I love wrapping paper, but because of what it indicates to me. Which is a thoughtfulness, a bit of precision, a bit of, you know, making something special. It goes back to old patterns, about wanting to make a fuss about my birthday as a kid, and all that good stuff that we have some awareness of. So, my dearly beloved goes and gets me a really sweet little gift. As dog lovers, you and I both Neil, he got me this sweet book on you know dogs and whatever -- lovely book. And, he put it in a bag. Oh, uh, no! I’m telling you we’re set up for a fight now. He put it in a bag, and he left it on the hotel bed, and he left a card, and in the card, he said all sorts of loving things that were beautiful. And he said, “And redneck wrapping.” Now, redneck wrapping, meaning “I threw it in a bag! I didn’t get [TK AGAINST TAPE].” And I was not a very good buddhist, or a very good sex therapist, or a very good relationship therapist, or a very good wife, or a very good person in that moment. I kind of freaked out. “All I asked for was for it to be wrapped! I just wanted it to be wrapped!” And I actually had some tears, I was very tired, it had been a very long week. Now, if I had practiced what I preached, which I try to, as much as possible, I would have said “How cool! That’s his way of wrapping. This is my sweetheart. It’s kind of funny. It’s kind of cute. It’s kind of quirky. We’re different people.” So, just to bring this back together and to summarize it for our listeners. When I accept responsibility for my mind’s reaction to reality, it frees me up to accept reality the way it is, and be not upset. It also frees me up to say, “Ok, I’m not really upset, but we can talk a little bit about the wrapping paper in the future? What I would really love, if is on special occasions, if you got paper, because it’s symbolic to me. It just lights me up. You’ll get great return on your investment because I’ll be so thrilled.” But instead of doing it from a place of pain and hurt, and the place we usually dialogue about problems. So, I don’t want listeners to think that “Oh, my goodness, I have to accept every shortcoming in my relationship, from now on, because it’s my fault that my head isn’t happy with it.” No, no. That isn’t what we’re saying. But we’re giving people a super powerful tool, to add to the way we usually do relationship. Work on our head as well as the interaction between you and I. And find a way to be happy, and joyful, and horny, and in love, and curious -- regardless of what’s going on for our sweetheart. And then maybe, take their hand and ask them to jump into that playground with us, when we’re at our best. Cajole them out of their stuck place instead of trying to berate them, or guilt them, or harunge them out of that place. I think you and I have both experienced professionally and personally -- it doesn’t work all that well. Neil Sattin: Yeah, as soon as we are coming at people with, what in the dog training world we call negative reinforcement, as soon as that is happening, they’re going into their shame, and feeling unworthy, and that’s not a place where any good problem solving is happening. And certainly, where the connection, also, isn’t happening. I love that example that you gave, because your husband clearly he was thinking that -- he was probably thinking that he was getting at what you were asking for. He acknowledged it even. But he didn’t really get what you were asking for in the end, because, what you wanted was fairly simple. But he missed that point. Cheryl Fraser: And I love him anyway. And we redeemed the weekend. And often it wouldn’t have gone that way, but you know, the trifecta was there: the exhaustion, the working too much, and hadn’t had much time together, and all that stuff. I’m a human being in relationships, so are you. My private practice therapy office is upstairs from my home. You and I are speaking from my home right now. And I often say to my beautiful patients I get to work with, the couples I work with, I say, you know, “There’s upstairs Cheryl, and she’s awesome. And then there’s downstairs Cheryl, and I’m a lot less skilled down here.” [Everyone laughs] But, all of us should be that self revelatory and not set ourselves up. Because even though, I’m literally considered a sex and love expert, that doesn’t mean it’s easy in the trenches of real life with real human beings. That helps keep us humble, and it keeps us always searching and looking for ways to bring this beautiful work to people to do something that is sacred and profound. Which is to choose to walk through life with a person. And we learn if we’re older than 16 or so, that it’s not as easy as we thought it would be, and that soul mates don’t exist, and that Walt Disney sold us a bill of goods, and we should all sue him. [LAUGHTER] There is no happily ever after, at least by itself. Neil Sattin: So I think they have some money, so I think we should put a class action suit together, and go after Disney. Yeah, yeah, and I think that this is so true, that what we’re after is not this idea of a perfect relationship where nothing goes wrong. In fact, my latest catch phrase has been “the perfectly imperfect relationship.” That, that’s part of it. That it’s not that nothing ever happens it’s how you show up, it’s how you handle those things that inevitably go wrong that show you how strong you are, and actually I think are just as valuable as the blissful bedroom moments, are the moments where you survive something with your partner that was tough. That maybe in the past would have really derailed you. And you realize, “Wow, we did that in five minutes, which would have before taken us five days, or five months.” And that’s a real beautiful level of resilience, that you only get to if you’re doing the inner and the outer work that you’re talking about. Cheryl Fraser: Yeah, there are no easy relationships, other than maybe in the first few months. And it’s the work, and the joy, and the … I think the old fashioned wedding vows are so profound: better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health. And I’d love us to remember that, that’s love. Not “you’re so perfect, and you’ll keep me happy forever, yay!” I mean, that’s naive, and, it’s not bad, goodness knows I’m not anti-romance, I love romance. But I love reality too. But the first part of the book, and we’ll probably move on to passion and stuff now, but the first part is sketching out the fundamental philosophy of using your mind in the way we’ve been talking about, as one way to approach your relationship, to increase your happiness and your connection, and avoid the pitfalls of having your day ruined because there’s a flat tire. Cuz nobody’s days ruined by having a flat tire. Your day is ruined by your mind, not the tire. Neil Sattin: And I want to highlight too that you offered this really profound view of self responsibility. That it’s not only about your happiness, it’s also about your horniness, or about your attention to a quiet moment. It’s what you’re bringing in every single moment, to that moment, is something that you have a say in, that you can bring awareness to. And what I love about these kinds of conversations, that now that you have heard us say this, you will not be able to experience the moment the same way ever again. You’ll experience it, and you’ll recognize, “Oh, wow I’m really unhappy right now.” And it will give you the opportunity, to ask yourself “What is my story that I’m telling myself right now.” Cheryl Fraser: Yes, yes. The phrase I use right now, that I bet you resonated with, is that we are story making machines. Right? I know you do that a lot of that in your work, and your teaching on this podcast and your other venues. It’s so important. What’s the story right now? And is it working for me! If the story is “You’re the worst husband ever, and all I wanted was wrapping paper, and nobody loves me!” That’s a dumbass story. I mean, what good is that doing me, what good is that doing me to the evening? Sure, we’re flooded with biochemistry, we all know when we’re in this story that it’s not always easy to snap our fingers and turn the page. Fair enough. But at least when we can realize that we’re stuck on a yucky page of the book, and this story is destructive, we can at least begin the process of stepping away, calming our self, finding our grounding, maybe hugging and holding our partner, letting our parasympathetic nervous system take over the sympathetic fight or flight, calm our self. And then we can probably turn the page, to a blank page and start again. Not easy, but profoundly beautiful to take that as a challenge personally, and with our partner if they’re willing to engage with some of that study with us. We can do with or without them being fully on board, like much relationship work, but to say: “I’m interested in re-writing my love story one mindful breath at a time,” is how I sometimes put it. Neil Sattin: I love that, I love that. And as we bring our attention to the moment, this is like a perfect segue I think, because I think for one thing I think a beautiful remedy for those really triggered moments is how you presence yourself. You know, our limbic system is lost in this sense that the tiger is chasing us. So being able to bring yourself into presence with your partner and talk about what is literally happening, I think is part of the mindfulness that you’re advocating for. Is that you seperate your story from what is actually happening, what the reality is that you maybe don’t like, but this is reality. And that can bring you into “I’m here, in this room, with my partner, they’re standing in front of me, we’re both breathing, the cat is meowing,” whatever is happening, that that brings you back into the moment, and once you’re there, all those systems start to come back online. And now let’s talk about how being in the moment is so important to revitalizing the sexual passion that so many people lose, and I’m putting “lose” in quotes. Because I love how you talk about how that’s never really gone, that it’s there within us. So yeah, how does our mindfulness and being moment focused get us back into passionate connection with our partner. Cheryl Fraser: Oh! My favorite topic. So the first chunk of the book is laying out what we’ve been talking about, the mindset and some of the fundamental teachings about how to use your mind to, to interpret reality and be happy regardless of reality, flat tire or no. Then I move into, I chunk it into what I call the “Passion Triangle,” I’ll briefly lay it out, and then I think you and I are going to focus on one or two key piece of that. When I talk about how to help people create, or become, or uncover, or revitalize, or reignite passion, I break into down into three keys to passion as a way for people to remember it. And I use the structure of the triangle, because I was told once by an engineer friend that a triangle is an incredibly stable structure. And if you want to build a big building you want to build it on the variation, and the idea of the triangle. All sides leaning on each other, strongly unshakeable. Isn’t that what we want to build in our love life? All three sides of our relationship leaning on each other strong and unshakeable. What are the three? I’ll name them. I’ll briefly describe them. I talk about intimacy being the base of your triangle. Thrill being one side of the triangle. And sensuality being the other side. And intimacy is what a lot of your work and my work covers, Neil. Which is I don’t use intimacy here as an euphemism for sex. I use it as a psychological, emotional communication, even spiritual connection. That sense of knowing each other and being known. What John Gottman and team call love maps, and which many other people talk about being seen by you, being heard by you, ups and downs, the little stuff, the big stuff. True intimacy grows over time, months and years, through what you were just about, the ups and downs, the things we go through, and maybe we can stand in the middle and survive. Intimacy, key to lifelong passion. Because the kind of passion I’m talking about, isn’t just a wild weekend. I’m talking about sustainable fluctuating alive passion. Sexually, emotionally, romantically and spiritually. So intimacy is really important, we probably won’t talk a lot about it for the rest of this conversation, but a chunk of the book is talking about how to bring mindfulness to your intimacy, and communication practices, mindful apology, things like that. Thrill and sensuality, are what I think people really respond to as ways to think about their relationship that are cast in a slightly different manner than maybe they’ve heard before. Thrill, I’m talking about the ineffable sense of butterflies in the tummy, and a rush of lust, or excitement through our mind or body, that most of us experience very easily in the beginning of our relationship, when we’re dating, we’re beginning to fall in love. You know in my days, I’m going to date myself a bit here, but it was all about the answering machine light and whether or not it was blinking or not when you walked in the door, you didn’t have the cell phone, so you were at work all day, and you came in at 5:30 or whatever, and immediately look to the corner of the room, where the answering machine sat, and if it was blinking, that meant there was a message! And hopefully it was him or her, and I would go and listen to the message, and it was my grandmother… And I love me my grandmother, but you’re so disappointed. We all know what it was like to be excited and anticipatory, and feeling a rush of thrill. To be at your office desk and to literally a rush of lust in your body when you remember that goodnight kiss from last night. Now what happens three, six or eighteen months down the road? You and I are familiar, and most of your listeners may be, with the findings that there’s a period of what’s called luminessence or numinosity, or whatever we want to call it in the fallin in love stage that is biochemically driven. We’ve got dopamine, we’ve got serotonin, and oxytocin, we’ve got love hormones, we’ve got sexual drive. We’re cave people in cave bodies, and we’re programmed to mate and get it over with! So the pursuit and the chase is very thrilling. Then we move into a phase of what I call “Marriage Incorporated.” Whether or not you’re married, gay, straight, or alternate couples, I’m talking about when we make a dedicated commitment to each other in whatever form. I just call it Marriage Incorporated. And that’s where the thrill is gone. We think, I’ll get back to that, but we think. As the old song says, the thrill is gone. And, we’re doing ok. I love you, you love me, we’ve got the kids, the dogs, the horses, the cats, no cat food, but whatever. We’re good, we’re fine, Neil, we’re fine. I like you, you like me, we’re not looking for an affair, directly, we’re not wanting to divorce, and we have a good time on vacation. And we are running the business of us: the mortgage, the pets, the kids, the activities, your career, my career, you’ve got that podcast, but I’ve got this other thing. We all know this, we are often living that right now. Marriage Incorporated is where the thrill seems to have gone, and we’re in contentment. Now, that’s a natural phase. My work’s about bringing the thrill back, re-infusing Marriage Incorporated, and turning it into Passion Incorporated. I’m going to get to sensuality probably a little later in this conversation, so let’s stay with Thrill right now. A reminder the three are Intimacy, Thrill and Sensuality. Because you asked me a key question, which is how does the mind, or mindfulness or paying attention, relate to thrill? In every single way. Because when you and I are new it’s novel, and novelty automatically takes care of thrill. I am curious as heck about you, I can’t wait to hear about your day, who your best friend was in school, and what happened to that friendship, where and how you lost your virginity, and how embarrassing was it. I want to know everything, I want to know where you bought that shirt, I want to know what your relationship with your parents are like. It’s easy, we’re organically curious when we’re falling in love. The thrill is based on novelty. You are uncharted territory, and I can’t wait to map every single bit of you. Every inch of your body, and every neuron of your mind. I want to know you. Neil Sattin: Right, and there’s often some fear, involved there as well that’s often fueling the dopamine and chemicals that are coursing through our bodies. Cheryl Fraser: Great observation, I am investing, and I’m fearful or anxious or excited that, you know, I’m falling in love with Neil, and I don’t know if he’s going to feel the same way, and am I over playing my hand, all of that is very exciting -- sometimes painfully so. And we then move into contentment, and life and busyness. We get complacent often. And the few of you listening that didn’t, Bravo and Hallelujah. But the majority of us get complacent, and I start to take you for granted. And what was new seems familiar. And it blows my mind when as couples we say, “I don’t really think there’s anything new to learn about my sweetheart.” Are you crazy? Have you met them?? We are vast, we contain multitudes. I think that’s Whitman. Neil Sattin: Yeah it is. Cheryl Fraser: Thank you, thank you! You will never know your partner anywhere as deeply as you think you do. As this is where I mentioned affairs. And I just want to ground this in reality for all of us. If you and I are in long term relationship, and our partner loves us and thinks were cool. But they’re not all that interested in our day, or our hopes and dreams right now, we’re not creating time to explore that together, we’re not cultivating thrill, we’ve lost novelty in terms of newness, and we’re not creating novelty with our mind and our activities. And then you and I meet someone at work, or at play or at a conference who’s interested in what we’re interested in. We have a fascinating conversation that is so often the grain of an affair possibility, someone finding us fascinating. So the work I bring with bringing mindfulness and the buddhist philosophy to our love and sex life, is create novelty all over again by what you so cleverly summarized a little bit ago in this conversation. If I show up with you here and now in this conversation, you are freaking fascinating. Even if I’ve slept next to you for the last 26 years. Even if I believe I know everything about you. You are filled with surprises, if only I have the eyes to see. And I think that a very simple way to make this relatable to people, is: Let’s say you and I love chocolate. And I am able to gift you with a tiny sliver of the most gorgeous Belgian truffle, in exactly the flavor and style that you would most love. Even as I say this, my mouth starts to water a little bit, and probably yours, and probably our listeners. And I give this to you, and I say to you “Neil, I want you to take your time, and I want you bring this to your nostrils and have a little scent.” And you’re like “Oh my goodness, it smells delicious.” But then I ask you to place it on your tongue and just leave it there. Just for a few seconds.” And it starts to melt a tiny bit, and I ask you to roll it around, and it’s silky and it’s smooth, you’ve got texture, you’ve got the orgasmic flavor explosion. And then you just enjoy it, you take time, and you swallow, and it’s gorgeous. Right? Neil Sattin: You’re killing me! Cheryl Fraser: Oh! Right after this I’m going truffle shopping. And I bet what you do not say to me is “Yeah, whatever. I’ve had a lot of chocolate before.” And the reason is, you’re just showing up here and now with that sliver of truffle. And you’re experiencing it, as though for the first time, and if you’ve had thousands of chocolate -- if you have a two chocolate a day habit, this moment is gorgeous if you focus on it. The power, and the eroticism, of attention. Now, if you were to, and let’s do this together right now. I want you to take your hand, and everybody listening, and just gently stroke the top of your other hand with the fingers. Using my right hand fingers, I’m stroking the top of my left hand. I’m closing my eyes, and I’m focusing on it for a few seconds. And it feels very powerful. Simply because of the special sauce of attention. Imagine kissing like that. Imagine someone licking our thigh like that. That’s the way it felt for the majority of us in the beginning, when we were exploring each other. We were locked and loaded on that sensation, and it was so alive, and it was so erotic, and it was romantic. Not just because it was new, but because we were paying attention. Novelty makes it easy to pay attention, familiarity does not make it easy to pay attention. The first time you drive a tricky mountain road. If you’ve driven it four-thousand times, because your house is at the top, you stop paying attention. So, what’s the point of all that? If you want thrill in the here and now after 27 or 48 years or 30 days, or however long it’s been. It’s your mind paying attention to this truffle, this kiss, this conversation with you, this description of your business meeting today, that makes it alive and passionate. Interest makes us fall in love over and over again. Interest and mindfulness, make thrill perpetual. Instead of simply part of the first few months of our relationship. That part comes automatically. Enjoy the heck out of it! I love falling in love. I love the rush of all that biochemistry and projection and craziness. And when I counsel people on what to do about it, I’m like “Enjoy the freaking ride.” It’s a roller coaster, but just know that you’re on a roller coaster. It’s amazing, it’s intense, you’re in an altered state of consciousness, the biochemistry of falling in love literally mimics the biochemistry of obsessive compulsive disorder in functional MRI machines. We actually are mentally ill when we’re falling in love. Enjoy the heck out if it. And then when it starts to settle, change, shift, and some of the deep work starts to happen, and it’s no longer so perfect, that’s where we can say “Ok, I am interested in boarding the roller coaster volutionally over and over again through our decades together.” That’s my mindfulness, that’s choice, that’s effort. That’s how we can begin to keep thrill alive forever. Neil Sattin: Great, yeah, that’s exactly how you take charge of your story. If you’re able in the moment to remind yourself, just like I had the ability to choose happiness in this moment, even, no matter what the circumstances are, now I also have the ability to choose attention. Cheryl Fraser: Yes. Neil Sattin: To put my attention into this level of fascination. And where my mind went strangely, not necessarily that the words are connected at all, but I was thinking about fastening, like you’re fastening your attention to someone. So you’re fascinated with them. And the way that brings you into joy, also I think, takes you out of that realm of wanting someone to fulfill your expectations. So, and this I think goes into the sensuality piece, right? Because when you’re in the moment, and you’re fascinated, and you’re just enjoying that last sense of the chocolate on your tongue, you don’t want that moment to end. You’re not really thinking of the next piece, right? Because you’re able to bring your attention in that fully. And where so many people get lost, I think, in especially when there’s a disconnected state, where we’ve been in relationship for a long time, and it feels like the chasm between us is vast -- I don’t even know how to get to being sexual with you because I’m so wrapped up with business, and the kids, and the dog and the cat food. So, but the way, it’s such a quick bridge is to be able to give your attention like that to your partner, and to find that fascination. And then, it’s almost like, that question of how we get to the bedroom, in some respects, becomes a lot less important, because you’re enjoying that moment, potentially almost as much, as you would enjoy the bedroom. And it gets you into that enjoyment, which gets you maybe into more of a sensual experience with your partner. Cheryl Fraser: Yes. I want to comment on a few of those great points before we move into sensuality, I love the idea of fastening and fascination, because there’s actually a fairly esoteric buddhist word to describe deep concentrated attention, which is called Watakka [TK AGAINST TRANSCRIPT] which means to tack onto. Which is to fasten. Where your attention kind of gloms onto this breath, and it’s unshakably there. So you’re intuitively really on that point there, Neil, of fastening and fascination, because you’re the totality of my experience in this present moment. I am focused on you. The truffle. The business proposal. The kiss, etc. The other thing is sensuality is the word I chose on purpose, and again you intuitively picked up on this. I didn’t call the third side of the triangle “Sexuality” because sensuality is a much broader field in which to play. All five senses: touch, taste, sound, smell, and vision. And, in Buddhist and other teachings, the sixth sense, which is our mind, we can play in that whole realm. So the third side of passion, intimacy, kind of our relational connectedness, psychological work, the delight in communication. Thrill: we’ve talked about here, every moment, being a perfect truffle. No, that doesn’t happen for me either. But I can aspire to it more often. And thirdly sensuality, our sexual and erotic life across the entire spectrum. Everything from my eyes meeting yours across the room and having a spark of “There’s my sweetheart.” to holding hands while we walk the dogs in the forest, to kissing to cuddling when we watch TV, to our entire spectrum or our erotic sexual life -- whether that’s a verbal foreplay with a sexy text, whether that’s kissing, whether it is in our love making, the breadth and depth  and possibility of our love making, I’ll talk a little bit about that. All of that, is really in your head. I’m turned on or not turned on in my head, I’m interested or not interested in my head. I’m present with this orgasm in my head, or I’m fantasizing about someone else in my head while I’m orgasming. Which means I’m not fully present with this physiological and emotional experience, it’s still fun, but I’m having sex with someone else somewhere else, while my body’s with you. Which is a pretty common phenomenon. I’m not even conscious at my own orgasm, and feeling fully the deliciousness of this truffle. Neil Sattin: Ok, so, bringing our attention back to the sensual piece, when Chloe and I, in our course, when we talk about this, we talk about the continuum. And developing this mindful awareness that you are always on this continuum of sensual experience with your partner. Even if you are thinking about them, you are on that continuum. And the reason I talk about it that way, is because I like the sense that you’re always connected in that way, it helps, I think, also bridge the gap between disconnection or how do we even overcome this gap between us, and where we stand right now. If you’ve always been nurturing that sense of “Well, we’re on this continuum no matter what. It’s just a matter of where we are. We’re not in the bedroom part of the continuum, we’re on the kitchen making dinner part of the continuum, where we can be aware of each other's breath. Or I can go and touch and you really pay attention to that touch. And now we’re in the same dimension of sensuality, even though we’re in a different place than necessarily, hot sweaty sex between the sheets. Cheryl Fraser: Yep! I am so happy that you teach it that way, and to help people come to that understanding. But you know, I’m going to have to say that unfortunately in my experience, not a lot of couples are doing what you’re promoting there. And that they don’t experience it, as a continuum. They experience it as a relational life, and psychological life, and our loving each other life. And it’s like errrrr bomp! And then there’s our sex life, and it’s not experienced as a continuum. So I think a lot of people would say “I love making dinner with my sweetie, and we’re laughing and joking and we’re listening to oldies and dancing around the kitchen, but I’m not connecting that to sex.” And that’s what you and I in our own unique ways are encouraging people to do. Which is, oh my goodness, the state of sexuality in long term relationship is really poor. There any very good surveys that give us a real glimpse into what’s happening in long term relationship bedrooms -- but clinically, and the best of the surveys and research that’s out there, I would guess that the vast majority of long term couples are having sex maybe a couple of times a month. And it is something they’re neglecting, it’s something they’re not even necessarily avoiding, though that can be the case. It’s more like passive, denial? Neil Sattin: There’s so many other things going on… Cheryl Fraser: So many other things. Fatigue and Netflix, the two biggest killers of sex ever. Maybe there’s another class action suit there. But, I’m Canadian and we’re not litigious, when we spill coffee we generally just clean it up. We don’t usually sue. But, I don’t know. We’re obviously teasing, neither you nor I want to sue anybody. But humor’s also good in love and sex. Here you go. But in the passion triangle, for sensuality, I just want to offer a few teachings that I think will be super helpful for people listening. And hopefully very reassuring. For people in long term relationship who are not having much sex, and not having very much spontaneous desire -- they’re not just like “Oh, I want to jump your bones, right now.” That’s sort of the old thrill phase for a lot of us, the early roller coaster phase. I want to let people know that there’s some very important research. Rosemary Bissant out of UBC, Vancouver, Canada, she works with a new model for female sexual desire, people can look her work up. But here’s the take home message that’s reassuring. Her research indicates that the majority of long term couples start making love from a place of sexual neutrality, now what does that mean? It means that the majority of long term couples start making love when neither of them is particularly in the mood. They’re not turned on, and horny in the body, I call that physical arousal, there’s different language for these, I’ll use mine. How I break it down to make it relatable to people. So they’re not physically turned on, and they don’t necessarily have mental desire: like “Oh, I really mentally feel like making love.” Often, they have sex because they’re like “Dang, honey, it’s been three weeks. We should probably have sex.” “Yeah, we probably should.” And that does not sound romantic, but I’ll tell you what it is, it is real. I had a patient, a gay patient, lesbian patient last week, say to me, she and her wife hadn’t made love in four months, and I was really encouraging her to attend to that and open up those possibilities. So she was really excited, cuz they’d made love, and she said “Oh Cheryl, it was so great. I was snuggled in…” I’ll call her wife Jane, “and Jane had her back to me, and Jane said to me, ‘Do you have your mouth guard in yet?’” That was the big move! THAT was the big move, man. “Do you have your mouth guard in yet?” And we laughed, my patient and I. Cuz we thought right on baby, that’s real life. And she said “No, I don’t.” And the rest is history. Why do I make that point? Because that’s real life! So rest assured, if we’re not feeling spontaneously lusty, or really in our mind, “Oh, I really want to make love.” That is normal. And Ok. And so, one of the things I suggest to people, it’s not a novel idea, your guest a few episodes ago, Tammy Nelson suggested the same thing, as many wise people, you probably do to: Make a once a week sex date. And make that be unshakable. Like, Monday night we make love whether we have a headache, or one of us is super tired, or one of the kids has the flu. We make love whether we’re into it or not. Now, the only reason we won’t, is if really through illness or a business meeting, we consult each other and say, “Hey babe, I’m not sure I can make out Monday night sex date. Are you ok if we move it to wednesday this week?” Because that way, you start making love touching, kissing, have a hot shower, have a bath, when you’re not in the mood. Don’t wait until you’re in the mood. In fact I like to counsel people, one of my catchphrases is “Never say you’re not in the mood ever again.” And what I’m saying by that, is that it’s ok if you’re not in the mood. No one should be in the mood if you’re making scrambled eggs and thinking about your tax return. Tax Day in the states today, right?Neil Sattin: It is. Cheryl Fraser: And someone comes up and wraps their arms around you from behind, and says “Hey baby what do you think?” It’s like “I’m not in the mood!” Worst thing to say ever even though it’s true. Instead I suggest people say “Not right now babe, ask me later.” It’s a very different energy, and it acknowledges what we’re talking about right now. That waiting until you’re in the mood to have sex, means you probably won’t have very much sex. Versus, I have a couple working with the weekly sex date, just for the last three weeks, and they were having sex maybe once a month, they like sex. They have successful sexuality together. They were just busy and tired. But they made a weekly sex date, and they’ve made love five times in the last two weeks. Because the sex date on Monday, kind of got everything warmed up, and then Saturday morning was like, “Hey let’s have a quickie.” That’s not true for all of us, but what I’m saying is that this is also the practice of mindful attention. If we’re not paying attention to our sexual life, on that continuum, as you so beautifully put it, if we don’t bridge the gap in our continuum, from you and I, and our humor, and our playfulness, and our parenting, and our going to symphony, and all the other ways that we are. If we don’t remember that we’re naked under these clothes, if we don’t remember that the unique part about you and I, if we’re choosing a variation of monogamy, is that sexual contact is unique to my relationship with you. And we’re neglecting it, and we’re expecting it to take care of itself, and we’re buying into the myth that the thrill can’t last forever. And it’s normal for sex drive to wane. It is typical for sex drive to wane, which make it normal on a Bell Curve, but that’s like saying it’s normal when you’re old to get unfit. That is typical on the Bell Curve, but if we choose fitness as we age, if we choose to be at the gym, or yoga class, then we don’t have to fit what’s normal. Don’t be lazy and old with your sex life. Bring mindfulness to sensuality side of your triangle. And it gets so much bigger than that, we probably don’t have time to go into that, but I wanted to at least mention to people, where it gets super juicey to use your mind in your love making, is the aspect of Tantric Sexuality. Transcendent mind states in my lovemaking with you, where the sense of you and I dissolve, and the orgasm turns from its typical physiological experience, which is actually pretty puny -- the average male orgasm lasts 7 seconds, and the average female orgasm lasts about 20 seconds. That’s a pretty puny amount of pleasure, as great as it is. Through meditation and through focusing your mind, and some practices I talk about in the book, and you can research elsewhere as well, around tantric sexuality, extended orgasm, full body orgasm, we can turn the orgasmic experience into something that lasts much longer than 7 or 22 seconds. Imagine the orgasmic pleasure filling your whole body for minutes, even longer than that. Imagine being to exchange that on an energetic level. That’s some of the really beautiful places that working with our mind, our partner, our heart, our connection could lead us to in the sexual realm. A type of transcendent sexuality. So maybe once a month, or once a quarter, you decide to have gourmet sexuality and sensuality with your partner. Instead of your typical meal. And I talk about that in the later part of the chapters in the book, because, why don’t I talk about the in the beginning of the book? Because, it you try to practice tantric sex without clearing up some of your unfinished business, learning to communicate better, enjoying cooking dinner together, remember your partner’s fascinating, and all the things we’re touching on today, Neil, you’re probably not going to have a 15 minute transcendent orgasm. Don’t be greedy, put in a little bit of ground work. You know, create and cultivate the conditions with Thrill, with Intimacy, and with Sensual contact, to move into some beautiful areas of sexuality, and intimate, spiritual, sexual connection that a lot of us don’t explore. And that, can certainly make a long term relationship fascinating a again. Fascinating again. And open up new worlds. From what I usually refer to as our nipple nipple crotch, good night routine. Where we just do the dang thing ever time, and I’m not opposed to that, but I’m saying sometimes, create a gourmet meal. Neil Sattin: Right, so I just want to mention that if you are interested to learn more about Cheryl Fraser’s work, obviously you can read her book, Buddha’s Bedroom: The Mindful Loving Path to Sexual Passion and Lifelong Intimacy. There are lots of little how-to and action items in the book, to help you along the journey. So I recommend that. You can also visit her website, which we will list in the show notes. It is DoctorCherylFraser.com. And, as a reminder, if you want to download the show notes, and the transcript of today’s episode, it’s NeilSattin.com/bb, as in Buddha’s Bedroom, or you can text the word “Passion,” which is appropriate for this episode,  to the number 33444. In terms of Tantra, I think it would be great to have you back on at some point to chat about that more. Um, we have if you’re listening and you’re curious, we’ve had Diana Richardson on the show, Episode 2 is a great place to start, it was the very second episode of the podcast. And, Margot Anand has also been on the show, I can’t remember her episode number, but if you search for Margot Anand on my website, you’ll find her. Two amazing Tantric practitioners who can at least start the conversation with you with what we’re talking about today. Cheryl Fraser: Beautiful. Beautiful. Neil Sattin: Cheryl, I’m wondering if you, cuz you offer on your website, people can sign up and get free stuff every week, and you over little love bites that give people a piece of something to work on, or to take action on, or to think about their relationship in a different way, which I think is really helpful to have those bite sized actionable items. You talk a lot about Tantra. Cheryl Fraser: I do. It’s critical to have bite sized action items. Because we talked about complacency, familiarity, fatigue, and netflix and everything else gets in the way. So they’re called love bites because they’re meant to be small bites of digestible. Some of them are two seconds, five seconds, thirty seconds to read a little reminder for your love this week. So that’s how I try to help each of us -- myself included, my sweetheart and I read my bites and try to put them into practice. Neil Sattin: We’ve been there, yeah. Cheryl Fraser: Yeah, and if people want to learn a little more about Tantra. I would start with the episodes you suggested, and I have a ten minute free video on my website as well, people can watch. Just so people can get a sense of what is a tantric orgasm, and how is it different, and that is a lifelong exploration that I welcome everyone to engage in, and I would delighted to dedicate a whole episode to that in the future, it deserves a bit more of an arc, so we can teach people some techniques on your show here, and have them start with that. But don’t lose hope. There are worlds to discover, sexually, emotionally, romantically, and conversationally with this person you think you know everything about. Neil Sattin: So, there’s one little bite that I’m wondering if you could offer our listeners today. I’m wondering if you could offer something for, let’s say you have that sex date on your calendar. And I have ten different ideas here, but I’m hoping you can offer one thing that brings people into the sensual dimension with our partner, something simple that helps reignite how they experience their partner this way, how they can invite their partner into the experience of them in a sensual way, what can you offer our listeners today as sort their little take home bite that they might try. Cheryl Fraser: Beautiful try this at home. There are a lot of ideas, but the one I’m going to offer right now is pretty simple, but very profound and very few of us do it. Which is, on your erotic date this week, take at least an hour, and break it into two thirty minutes segments, and it can be longer if you wish, and do a giving and receiving of erotic touch. With the rule, that you’re not allowed to touch overtly sexual zones. So, no genitals, no bums, and no breasts. So how that would work, would be the following: flip a coin as to who goes first, whoever wins the coin toss is the receiver first. And the receiver lays down on their back, nude, their eyes closed, you can use candles, and sometimes soft music without lyrics is nice to help relax the receiver and give them something to kind of let their mind dream on. And the giver, you probably did this in your falling in love and wildly sexual, but you probably haven’t done it in a long time, it gives you thirty minutes to explore your partner's body with a finger, with a tongue, with your hair, with a feather, with whatever you like. To just explore that body. When’s the last time that you licked the back of your partner’s knees? Everybody listening is probably thinking “Ummm 17 years, I think we probably did it that time we went to the cabin for the dirty weekend.” Anyway. So giving and receiving erotic touch. The receiver use this as a mindfulness practice, there’s more description of that in the book in some of exercises I’ve given as you mentioned, to do this with your partner. But, as you’re lying there, and your mind’s racing, about this and that, and thinking, and being distracted as minds are unless you’re very well trained in meditation, try to re-focus. Every time you notice you’re off in your head, “Ok, Neil’s fingers are, fingernails are scratching along my knee cap right now.” And just try to focus on experiencing that as deeply as you can. Mind races off, come back “Oh, now he or she are nibbling on my neck.” So you’re learning as the receiver, to really start to pay, and this is preliminary, it takes, some practice, really starting to notice the actual sensory experience without story. That can lead to persons who have difficult with orgasm, erection, premature ejaculaiton, this can help with that down the road, by the way. Then, at the end of the time, when the timer goes off, and you thank you partner as the receiver, and you switch. And you become the giver, and you explore your partner. So you’re doing multiple things here. You’re training focusing on your partner when you’re the giver. You’re training on focusing on your own experience when you’re the receiver. You’re training on exploring the sensual body away from the usual, as I call it as you heard, nipple nipple crotch good night points, that we’re used to diving for. Nothing wrong with that, but we’re expanding it. And we’re looking at creativity, we’re looking at eroticism, and we’re looking at making it more interesting, because if we fell madly in love with a new person or into the taboo of an affair. That sort of exploration might come naturally, all we’re doing is creating it in the here and now with the one we’re with. So there’s an idea people could do. And I’ll make the implicit, explicit. For this exercise, you could either then stop, and that’s the end of your sensual date, or, you could take it into love making if you wish, there’s different reasons to do either. But it’s really about erotically exploring. And let me just  finish by saying that a sex date doesn’t mean that you necessarily have intercourse, or that either person necessarily has an orgasm. It means it’s an erotic experience that involves nudity, touching, in that way. And that’s a real relief for exhausted bodies too. Our sexual date might be we play, we touch, and one of us chooses to have an orgasm. And the other one says “I’m completely satisfied right now just with playing and kissing and helping you as you touched yourself etc.” There’s no right or wrong. It’s the mindset of exploration, and the willingness, if it doesn’t go well, to just begin again with curiosity. Neil Sattin: Yeah, I love the permission that you bring to how you approach this kind of time together. An it’s interesting because when I said the word permission, I’m also thinking about the permission to say No. So, there’s, even though for instance you just mentioned in this exercise you might say, that the genital areas are off limits. If you have points on your body that are triggers for you, those can be off limits too. Like you can set rules so that you feel safe enough to have this erotic but not explicitly sexual interaction with your partner. Cheryl Fraser: Yes. Neil Sattin: Create safety for you. I love that too when you mentioned the never, never say I’m not in the mood. And what you offered was to say, “Not right now, how about later?” that really reminds me of the Gottman’s work around the power of saying No, and both people have permission to say No, but it’s not a “No, never” it’s a “No, and” or a “No, let’s do this instead,” and speaking scientifically, they proved mathematically that more free each person feels to say no, the more sex they actually have, ironically. So I love that to incorporate that into your work, and hopefully if you're listening, you’ll get a date on the calendar, with your partner for this week even. And if you are not partnered, you can do that for yourself as well. You can have the self exploration, or, find a good friend. But you could definitely do that with yourself as a way of exploring your own erotic inner experience, and connection to self. Cheryl Fraser: Yes, and I’m so glad you mentioned that. Because although the book is written primarily for couples, everything in it applies to us when we’re not in relationship, particularly around discovering our own mindsets, our own erotic potential, our own erotic touch and there are solo erotic exercises in the book as well. Because, my goodness, get yourself ready for when and if you choose to be partnered again. Neil Sattin: Yeah it’s amazing how many opportunities you have in line at the grocery store to be reminded like “Oh, this is all a story in my head, what’s happening right now.” Cheryl Fraser: Right, right. Neil Sattin: Well, Cheryl Fraser, you’ve been so deliciously generous with your time and wisdom today, and it’s such a delight to have you here to chat about Buddha’s Bedroom, your new book, and I hope that you listening have gotten a lot of today’s show, and you take the opportunity to visit Cheryl’s website and find out more about the kind of work that she’s offering. You mentioned that you’re going to come out with a course as well, in the Fall, right? Cheryl Fraser: Yes, I am, mid-September, it’ll be debuting an online course for couples, eight weeks on this material and more that couples can do at home. I think the way a lot of your work is so important is that we create work that people can do from home, because they can’t necessarily arrange their lives, their childcare, their business lives to come at the same time to a therapist’s office for deep work, and I’ve been looking at ways to offer deep work to people, and that’s debuting in the fall. And anybody who goes to the website, or signs up for love bites, will get more information about that when it goes live. I’m very excited to work with people in that medium. Neil Sattin: Love bites, Great. And if you download the transcript of today’s episode, we can also let you know when Cheryl’s course becomes available. So some incentive to grab the transcript. Doctor Cheryl Fraser, thank you so much for joining us today on Relationship Alive. It’s been so great to have you here. Cheryl Fraser: Thank you so much, and thank you for the work you do Neil. You know, I think people may often take for granted the plethora of profound, free, amazing, accessible content out there, so I encourage people listening to support this podcast and other great podcasts out there, that bring this amazing work to us that we didn’t used to be able get so easily. We’re all very blessed.

In this episode of Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, Janet McGeever joins me to discuss Tantra and Menopause and how to continue to have a thriving sex live as we age. Despite popular belief our sex lives are not over once we reach a certain age, they just change and, as Janet explains, they can change for the better. No matter what your age, Janet shares some amazing advice for women on how to have more fulfilling sex, how to trust your body, leave the mind and come back ‘home’ into your body. Janet discusses how, when you learn how to relax and leave behind tension to become more receptive and relaxed in love making; you are able to connect with yourself more fully, which allows you in turn to connect more fully with someone else. "I've become more liberated, more sensual, more interiorly alive, personally". The conditioning of our modern world and society places a lot of shame on women’s cycles and worships the young and the beautiful. This podcast aims to hold you and help you embrace whatever stage of life you may be in and leave you feeling your value as a woman and the meaningful way you can connect to the World and your relationships regardless of age.  Not only will you learn about the changes that can happen to you and your sex life as you age and during Menopause, but how you can embrace those changes to have even better sex. In this episode, we discuss: Menopause and Tantra/ Sex and Aging as one of the most confronting things for women. How we can maintain our sex lives as we age and what changes happen when we get to menopause Debunking the belief our sex lives are over when we get to a certain age. How our sex lives change throughout our lives and how we can keep them thriving and passionate. That it isn’t just about sex, it’s not just about intercourse, but that there’s a part of ourselves that we can be in touch with. There’s an energy we can be in touch with, there’s a way of being in the World that is sensual and alive and connected that is really life affirming and life enhancing. And sex can be a part of that, but it isn’t the full picture. How women need to, and can learn to, trust their bodies. Menopause and some of the things that can happen with the onset of menopause. The gifts of menopause- yes there are gifts! How Tantra can hep you transition with this stage of your life How your breasts and nipples are your dynamic energy and how your sex life can be enhanced by focusing on them. How women of all ages need to learn to be gentle and give back to our bodies instead of constantly pushing them. Follow our blog and podcast Follow our host Join our women only facebook Group and join in the conversation: Wholehearted: Love, Sex + Intimacy   Our favorite part of recording a live podcast each week is participating in the great conversations that happen on our live chat, on social media, and in our comments section.   This week’s question is: Let's bust those myths - What have you been told about menopause that you're most worried about? And for those already experiencing menopause - what have you found to be the best thing about menopause?   Explore these Resources In this episode, we mentioned the following resources: Email: info@janetmcgeever.com Website: www.janetmcgeever.com Website (Retreats): www.makingloveretreat.com.au Book: Tantric Sex and Menopause- Practices for Spiritual and Sexual Renewal by Diana Richardson and Janet McGeever   If you are a new listener to Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, we would love to hear from you. Please visit our Contact Page and let us know how we can help you today! 

What are some of the keys to helping a woman experience pleasure, and orgasms? If you’re a woman and you’re not having orgasms - and you want to be - then this episode could be really helpful - sure, for you - but especially for your partner. Maybe leave this episode’s transcript under their pillow? This week, our guest is Ian Kerner, New York Times bestselling author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. Ian is a licensed psychotherapist, and nationally recognized sexuality counselor who specializes in sex therapy, couples therapy and working with individuals on a range of relational issues. Today Ian Kerner shares how he has helped couples create more intimate and satisfying sexual relationships and he addresses the knowledge gap that many of us have about a woman’s sexual anatomy. As always, I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this episode and what revelations and questions it creates for you. Please join us in the Relationship Alive Community on Facebook to chat about it! Resources: Visit Ian Kerner’s website to learn more about his work. Pick up your copy of Ian Kerner’s book, She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman . FREE Relationship Communication Secrets Guide - perfect help for handling conflict and shifting the codependent patterns in your relationship Guide to Understanding Your Needs (and Your Partner's Needs) in Your Relationship (ALSO FREE) Visit www.neilsattin.com/ian to download the transcript, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the transcript to this episode with Ian Kerner. Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out Transcript: Neil Sattin: Hello and welcome, to another episode of Relationship Alive. This is your host, Neil Sattin. Today I have with me Ian Kerner who is a nationally recognized sexuality counselor specializing in sex therapy, couples therapy, and working with individuals on a range of related  issues. He's regularly quoted as an expert in various media outlets with recent appearances on CNN, The Today Show, The Dr. Oz show, and now...he's here on Relationship Alive. Ian is The New York Times best­selling author of numerous books including "She Comes First", which is what we're  here to talk about today, and I should say that "She Comes First" is subtitled "The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman". In addition to being a clinical fellow of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, Ian is also certified by the American Association of Sexuality  Educators, Counselors, and Therapists - also known as AASECT, with a doctorate in clinical sexology. If you download the transcript of today’s episode you will ALSO get a bonus show guide with highlights and action items from the show. You can do that at neilsattin.com/ian (I-A-N) or by texting the word PASSION to the number 33444 and following the instructions. Ian Kerner - thank you so much for joining us today on Relationship Alive! Ian Kerner: Thanks, Neil, my pleasure. Neil Sattin: Great. Well, we are here primarily to talk about She Comes First, which is a book about how to give pleasure to a woman and before we get started I was wondering if you could just let our listeners know a little bit more about you and how you came to write this book. Ian Kerner: Sure, well, I guess that there are two ways I came to write the book. One is sort of the professional path and the other is the personal path. Professionally, as a sex therapist at the time that I wrote the book and even through today, one of the questions I get asked most often by women is “what can I do to have an orgasm during intercourse, and what am I doing wrong?”. So I really wrote the book as a response to that question. I wanted to let women know you're not doing anything wrong. It's just that, you know, a lot of the men that you may happen to be partnered with are what I would call ill-cliterate, they know more about what's under the hood of a car than the hood of a clitoris and it's often through no fault of their own, and there's nothing wrong with you. It's just that we are sort of all trapped in what I'd call the Intercourse Discourse in terms of thinking of sex often in one way and that once you kinda break out of the intercourse discourse and think of other ways of pleasuring, and once men understand that the clitoris is the powerhouse of the female orgasm and how to stimulate the clitoris, then you really won't be asking the question, “what can I do to have an orgasm during the intercourse?” Ian Kerner: You may not be having intercourse at all, or you may be having intercourse plus other activities. So that's kind of the professional path. Personally, I suffered for many years from a very common sexual dysfunction, premature ejaculation. It's actually more prevalent than erectile disorder but certainly much less talked about, and it's an issue that leaves many men feeling sexually crippled, leaves many partners feeling frustrated and dissatisfied. And I suffered quite a deal from this... Quite a bit from this issue to the point that it affected my desire to date, and my desire to make love to a woman, certainly my confidence and my self-esteem and... Ian Kerner: When I began to learn more about female sexuality and about the power of the clitoris as sort of the centerpiece of female sexual arousal and I was able to learn how to pleasure a woman in other ways outside of just intercourse and with just my penis and I began to make love with not just my penis, but my mouth and my mind and my hands and every other part of my mind, body, and soul, it really liberated me and actually that liberation and that confidence and self-esteem became one of the most important tools that I gained at my disposal to manage premature ejaculation. Ian Kerner: So that is sort of the professional and personal pathway that led to writing She Comes First and I've been, you know, amazed over the years in terms of how the book has resonated and continues to sell and I hear not just from men but from women as well, who learned from the book and give it to their partners. And probably I'm most flattered when I hear from a parent who says, whether it's a mom or a dad, "I want my son to be sexually competent and to be respectful of female sexuality and understand female sexuality. And so I gave your book to my 18-year-old son." So that's a little bit of background to She Comes First. Neil Sattin: Yeah, that's great and it's really interesting to me because... Well, for one thing, we had Wendy Maltz on the show to talk about sexual healing and I got connected with you through Wendy and that was without really even knowing what you had done and what you were writing about. And then on the show, we've also talked a lot with a few people in particular, Diana Richardson, who wrote "Heart of Tantra" and then also Marnia Robinson, who wrote "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow", about both non-orgasmic sex and also the problems that orgasms can cause, particularly for men, in disconnecting them from their partner. And I'm bringing both of these things up because as I was reading your book, which is basically about how to perform cunnilingus, like that's what this book is about, and it does it in a very informative way, where I learned a lot about female sexuality that I didn't even know necessarily, and it's... I wanted to bring this actually to our audience because sometimes, for one thing, you may just want to go for it and have orgasms and she wanted to have some great methods and knowledge at your disposal on how to do that, so you're not just winging it. Neil Sattin: And I appreciated how in the book you brought up that most men actually don't have a lot of sources of information for how to please a woman. It's maybe the locker room, probably porn and apart from that, there's not a lot of guidance being offered. So I liked how you offer it from that perspective as a way to help bring people up the curve. Ian Kerner: Yeah, no, thank you. I mean, certainly on one level, the book is a very practical guide in how to pleasure a woman and how to, you know, create or get help to mutually co-construct and create orgasmic satisfaction and that is, I believe, through cunnilingus, not only in my own experiences, but you know, study after study shows that women, not that they prefer oral sex to intercourse, just that they most more consistently orgasm from cunnilingus as opposed to intercourse. That has a lot to do with the distance between the clitoris and the vaginal entrance, and in some women, it can be anywhere from two centimeters to four centimeters and many sexual positions or most sexual positions miss the clitoris altogether and the greater the distance, they call it the vaginal clitoral distance, the greater the distance between the clitoris with the clitoral glans, the head of the clitoris, what's visible and the vaginal entrance, the greater that distance, the harder it is for a woman to orgasm through intercourse. So, certainly manual stimulation, whether with your hand or with a sex toy and oral stimulation are more direct and consistent ways of eliciting orgasms. And I wanted and I hope that the book... I think actually the staying power of the book has been that it's a little more than just a cunnilingus guide and that it is both a real introduction to understanding female sexuality and hopefully there's a little bit of a fun philosophy in it as well. Ian Kerner: And I just came across a really interesting statistic that related to porn use and that heterosexual women are the biggest consumers of lesbian porn. So heterosexual women are the biggest consumers of lesbian porn and that's for a couple of reasons. One, that heterosexual porn often really objectifies women and that's not a turn on to women who are watching porn. And then of course lesbian porn features a lot more cunnilingus. And when you look at the top search terms by women that women enter into porn sites... How explicit is this show, Neil? How G-rated, PG-rated or R-rated do you want me to keep it? Neil Sattin: We're good, we rate it explicit on iTunes. Ian Kerner: Okay. So when you look at the top five search... Neil Sattin: However, let me just interrupt you and say if you're listening with your eight-year-old in the car right now, it might be a good time to hit pause and then come back to it. [chuckle] Ian Kerner: Okay, I would say you should have hit pause like 10 minutes ago. [laughter] Ian Kerner: But if you need to hit pause now go ahead and hit pause now. But the top terms are things like "pussy licking", "pussy eating", "pussy touching". I mean, they're all terms that really come back to clitoral stimulation and particularly oral stimulation of the clitoris. So I guess, I just wanted to provide a little bit of context and both around the importance of direct clitoral stimulation and the way that I'm trying through the book to take an act that's traditionally considered foreplay and turn it into coreplay, a complete act of love making that really vouchsafes and guarantees almost the female orgasm. Neil Sattin: Yeah, I love that, especially because we are arriving at a very similar place where we're talking about expanding the definition of intimacy and expanding what it means to be making love with your partner, coming at it from different directions. But you arrive at this very similar place which is, how are you really exploring sensuality with your partner and are you doing it in a way that's actually not objectifying your partner, but really about tapping into what really makes them tick and feel good? So let's start with that because one of the most fascinating things in reading your book was that there are 18 parts to the clitoris, and I'm not expecting you to necessarily remember what all of those are right here now. Ian Kerner: [chuckle] Okay. Neil Sattin: But I was like, "What are you even talking about?" And then you went on to elucidate. And so I'm hoping that you can just give us a little bit of a taste of what you're talking about. Ian Kerner: So male and female sexual anatomy, although they look very different, they're actually homologous and that means during the early months of gestation, when a woman is pregnant with a baby, the baby isn't really differentiated as male or female until around the 12th or 13th week and up until that time, the baby doesn't really have an assigned sex, and all of the tissue that's ultimately going to form the genital structures, it's really up for grabs, which way is it going to go, male or female? And then around the 12th or 13th week, there's some different bursts of hormones, namely testosterone. And the fetus is either differentiated as male or female, but all of the same tissue is used and male sexual anatomy will grow outward into a penis and scrotum with testicles and it's all very visible. Ian Kerner: But those same structures really exist for women, they just kind of grow... Everything grows inwards. And so what you end up seeing is a vulva that includes a vaginal entrance and inner and outer labia, as well as what we would also call the clitoris. Really what we tend to think of as the clitoris and sometimes people refer to it as a bump or the little man in the boat or the pea in the pod. I mean, there's a lot of sort of vernacular around the clitoris but really that what you're seeing is the head of the clitoris, or the clitoral glans just as a guy has a head on his penis, and really for a woman that clitoral glans is really just kind of the tip of the iceberg. And there's a whole internal development of sexual anatomy and really the latest science is really showing that all of that material really encompasses what you would consider sort of like the clitoral network, and so that even the g-spot is probably just the back and roots of the clitoris. Ian Kerner: And so that's really what I mean when I say that the clitoris has 18 parts, that the part that we normally associate with... Usually are generally associated with the clitoris again, is really just the tip of the iceberg and there are other parts that are internal and external that constitute the totality of the clitoral network, and it would be extremely... It's really rather rare for a woman to really experience arousal and certainly orgasm without clitoral stimulation. Neil Sattin: Right. So even if you're having, say vaginal orgasms, that's probably because you're stimulating the part of the clitoris that is actually surrounding... Ian Kerner: Correct, correct. And those... That part of... Those parts of the clitoris tend to be either on the surface of the vulva or within the first inch or two of the vaginal entrance and the deeper you go into the vagina, the less nerve endings, there are... The less sensitivity there is. And so really when you think about making love, making love to a woman, rather than thinking vaginally, you should really be thinking clitorally. And rather than thinking about penetration, you should be thinking about stimulation and rather than thinking about really internal stimulation, you should be thinking about external stimulation of the vulva. Neil Sattin: Yeah, so hence what you were talking about earlier, about how the penetration really doesn't even have to happen at all. Ian Kerner: No, it really doesn't. And that's why, you know, when men obsess over penis size, not to say that size is totally irrelevant, or that size doesn't matter, or that it doesn't feel good to a woman to have a penis inside a vagina. I'm not trying to discredit entirely the role of the penis in pleasuring a woman, but I don't think that really size is as relevant as men think it is. Neil Sattin: And when you're talking to people about performing oral sex on a woman, what kind of problems or obstacles do you run into around actually someone diving into doing that? Ian Kerner: Okay, well, I mean, first of all, it is about thinking of oral sex, not just as sort of an optional appetizer but is a required entree and understanding, thinking of oral sex, clitoral stimulation as a complete act of love making that often can include the female orgasm. It's also not just what you're doing, but when you're doing it and being tuned into a woman's arousal arc and thinking about it as a dance in which you are both participants in which she's often leading the dance in order to cue to you the type of stimulation that at the time feels good and right. I mean, as we sort of know the more you get aroused, the more tolerance you have for sensation. So certain things that may feel not so great at the beginning may feel really great towards the end of an act of love making closer to orgasm. The other thing that I deal with is probably just self-esteem issues, misconceptions. I often am working with couples in which ironically, believe it or not, it's often the male partner who's very eager to engage in oral sex, really loves going down on his partner, really enjoys it, wants to sort of liberate himself from the tyranny of his penis. Ian Kerner: I'm using rather a hyperbolic language today on this podcast. And very often, it's a female partner who has genital self-esteem issues, so maybe she feels like she doesn't look beautiful down there, or taste wonderful, or smell is great, or maybe she feels like she's taking too long. Women often can bring a lot of anxiety around receiving oral sex, and for many women, especially women who have experienced faking orgasms, it's sometimes easier to give pleasure than it is to receive pleasure. I know a lot of women who really enjoy giving pleasure and can really participate in that way, but when it comes to receiving pleasure, they tend to get very anxious or very inhibited. And so a lot of times that's the point at which I'm kind of entering into this situation and certainly there are men who are ambivalent about oral sex who don't understand it as being important, who don't understand clitoral stimulation, who maybe have had some negative experiences in the past, or were brought up to feel that maybe a woman's vulva or vagina is unhygienic in some ways. So there can be a lot of myths and misconceptions, and opportunities for discomfort around oral sex. Neil Sattin: Yeah, that brings up so many questions from me. I guess the first one would be, well, let's talk about those hang ups. So if someone is really feeling self-conscious about their own vagina or vulva, how do you work with someone like that so that they can relax into receiving? Ian Kerner: Well, it's sort of like throwing a stone into a pond and watching the ripples. How close to the stone are you going to get? Like at what point do you address the rippling? Do you think that... Well, really, I want to be in the kind of relationship that lends itself to intimate connected sex, and I really need to focus more on the positivity in the relationship and being in a sex-positive relationship and being able to communicate openly and constructively and arousingly around sex and then maybe you need to get closer to the sex act itself. And what are you really doing to stimulate desire and arousal? Some studies really show that the closer a woman gets to orgasm the more parts of the brain that are associated with stress, anxiety, high emotion deactivate and that as a woman is having an orgasm, she's actually entering into almost a kind of a trance-like state. And so what is happening to facilitate that process of deactivation where a woman can shut down those stress centers in the brain and those anxiety centers? And what are you doing in the actual environment around sex to create a sex-conducive environment to actually create sort of a love nest? And does that require music? Does it require lighting? Does it require certain types of being dressed or undressed? Like what does it take for a woman to feel really comfortable? Ian Kerner: And then I think the most important factor is really to be able to hear from a guy, hopefully a guy with whom she loves and has a secure, trusting attachment that she can really let go with, to hear from a guy, to be reassured like, "You are absolutely beautiful. I love doing this and it's arousing to me and I get so turned on by this and the longer it takes actually, the more I'm just postponing my own gratification and the more intense my own gratification is going to be." I think so many women just wonder, "Does he like doing this or is it a chore?" And you ask so many men and they say, "Well, I love doing it. It's the last thing from a chore. It's completely arousing. I get into my own kind of zen headspace." And then just the way you would look into a woman's eyes and let her know how beautiful you find her, I think, you want to be able to let her know how beautiful you find her vulva and you want to contribute to, again, that concept of genital self-esteem, positive genital self-esteem, that doesn't come from just your own sense of your body, like you need to be told by your partner that you are beautiful. And I think we often are focused on, "Oh, your hair looks great, or that dress looks great, or you look so hot and sexy right now." And we need to be able to extend those compliments to our mutual genitals. Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah and I noticed you were using the pronoun he but, I mean, this can apply to both... Ian Kerner: Right. Absolutely, absolutely. I didn't mean to take the words out of your mouth, but yes, it can apply to... I work with a lot of lesbian women who have bought She Comes First because they may have some inhibitions around oral sex or they want to be more proficient. And so, yes, I didn't mean to be gender-specific although I do have to say, I didn't write the book in a gender-neutral way. A lot of sex books and I've written a bunch of them can be written in a gender-neutral way, but I really wanted to send a specific message to heterosexual men. Neil Sattin: Yeah and probably rightly so, because if nothing else, we don't have a woman's body, so we don't have... And in fact, our penises can probably take a lot more and a lot different kinds of stimulation that we don't even think about than we might practice if we didn't know any better when we are with a woman. Ian Kerner: Yeah, I think that's true. When you look at the age at which men start having nocturnal emissions or wet dreams and they start masturbating and having their first orgasms, there's a huge concentration all in those early teen years, 13, 14, 15, and men have their first ejaculations and they figure out how to give them themselves these ejaculations repeatedly, and for most men orgasm and sex are very tied together, and most men wouldn't really think twice if you ask them, “do you know how to give yourself an orgasm?” But when you look at women, it's a very different story across the board. Women have their first orgasms at vastly different ages, many women who have had orgasms early in their teen years don't necessarily know exactly how to replicate them. Even today, I have a number of women in my practice who weren't really sure they've ever had orgasms. They've certainly enjoyed sex and they've felt a lot of arousal, but they're not sure that they've had orgasms. Neil Sattin: Yeah. One thing that you mentioned in just a few moments ago, it came out as part of how you reassure a partner, but I heard you talking about this what you call The Three Assurances. So I'm wondering if we can just enumerate those for people listening, so they know exactly what you're talking about that... because these seem really key. Ian Kerner: Yeah, do you mind if I go grab the book off my shelf then? I don't have it, so... [overlapping conversation] Neil Sattin: You know what I can... I'll read them out loud. Ian Kerner: Oh, that would be lovely. Neil Sattin: Because I have it right in front of me. Ian Kerner: Why don't you do that? Yeah, well, okay. Neil Sattin: Yeah, I didn't mean this for this to be a pop quiz... Ian Kerner: No, no, no, no, but I think the book says it better than I would just impromptu. Neil Sattin: Yeah, so what you write are, "To that end, the three assurances of the cunnilinguist manifesto are as follows: Number one, going down on her turns you on. You enjoy it as much as she does." So, I would paraphrase that, something like your pleasure gives me pleasure. Ian Kerner: Absolutely. Neil Sattin: "Number two, there's no rush. She has all the time in the world. You want to savor every moment." So that's taking the time pressure off and letting it just be what it is. And I have a question about that, but I'll come back to it. Ian Kerner: Okay. Neil Sattin: And then the third thing is that, "Her scent is provocative, her taste powerful. It all emanates from the same beautiful essence." So basically, where you're saying the whole visceral experience of being there is great, is amazing for me. So the question I had about the second one, the all the time in the world is... The book is about bringing a woman to orgasm and yet we also talk a lot about not being orgasm-focused and being real sort of process-oriented instead of product-oriented. Ian Kerner: Well, that's interesting, I don't... Yeah, let's talk about this. I don't think that there is anything necessarily wrong with being orgasm-focused. Our body participates in the process of arousal. There is a vasocongestion but blood flow to the genitals. There's myotonia, there's sexual tension being developed throughout the body and when those two processes kind of reach a tipping point, that muscular tension causes orgasm which is a flood of different sort of feel good hormones that are all triggered and connected to the release of sexual attention, and men and women have capacities to orgasm. Women have an innate capacity to experience multiple orgasms, and certainly, over the course of the life cycle, our relationship with orgasm changes and orgasms can feel differently and happen at different intervals. And we can lose our ability to have orgasms, but I don't think that there's anything wrong with being focused on, or wanting to have an orgasm, or wanting a partner to have an orgasm. And very often you will hear in the media and in writing and from professional therapists, many of whom are my colleagues, you'll sometimes hear, "Well, men tend to be orgasm-focused. Women tend to be more process-focused, more pleasure-focused, can enjoy sex without necessarily having an orgasm every time." Ian Kerner: I think that there is some truth to that, but I also want to just say that I meet with women every day in my practice who are sometimes on their own or sometimes as part of a couple and they are often very, very, very frustrated that they're not having orgasms in the sex that they're having. And given the choice between not having an orgasm and having an orgasm, they would much rather have one. And certainly there are times in life when you don't always have an orgasm, but if you're in a relationship where you are having sex and you are consistently not having orgasms, I'm going to wager that there's going to be a lot of distress and dissatisfaction. And I think also that one of the reasons we often tend to say, "Oh, women can be pleasure-focused or less concerned, or care less about orgasms," is because as men, we don't live in a culture where men really consistently are tuned in, care, and can kind of elicit orgasms consistently. So I think a lot of that sort of verbiage around being pleasure-focused and non-orgasm-focused is also justifying a paradigm in which men always get to have orgasms during sex and women do not. And so... My dogs are barking incessantly in the background. Neil Sattin: They agree with you. [chuckle] Ian Kerner: So I just want to challenge that assumption again. Listen, I understand that we should all be pleasure-focused. I've been working with a client for the last few weeks, and he's a gay man and he experiences erectile issues and delayed ejaculation, and one of the biggest changes he made on his OkCupid profile is saying that he is pleasure-focused as opposed to orgasm-focused. So I don't want to say that I don't understand the sentiment and that there aren't certain people for whom they really are going to be more pleasure-focused than orgasm-focused, but I also really don't want to discount the value and importance of orgasm, and I don't want to live in a world where we think that, "Oh, men consistently get to have their orgasms and women don't and that's okay, because women are more pleasure-focused and less orgasm-focused than men. Neil Sattin: Yeah, I really appreciate your taking a stand for the orgasm just now. And it makes a lot of sense that the mechanism is there. So if the experience of not having an orgasm is about the inability to have an orgasm or about... Well, not being able to take the time to have an orgasm which is what brought us down this topic, this line of conversation, then yeah, don't let it be an excuse by any means. Ian Kerner: Right. Now the other myth that's out there, it's not exactly a myth but it's sort of a semi-truth is that it takes women longer to get aroused and reach orgasm than it does men. And that's certainly something that I see in my practice all the time that I wrote in She Comes First, that I pretty much stand by. But when you also talk to women about masturbation and their sort of approach to self-pleasure, many if not most women will say, "Well, if I want to I can get there in three minutes." And it kind of starts to really resemble the way men masturbate and the road to orgasm can be as short for women as it is for men, that doesn't always translate into relational sex between two people, but I would say it's also something of a myth that it always takes women longer to reach orgasm, and that's so... Even in my reassurance about time, when you have all the time in the world then you're just happy to be there, it doesn't have to be a chore and it doesn't have to take so long. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Yeah, and another thing I wanted to just clarify for you, too, is that when I say that here on the show we've talked a lot about non-orgasmic sex, we've been really approaching it from the perspective of well, for one thing, the way that for a man having an orgasm changes the level of connection that they're experiencing with their partner when they're making love. So in a way it's like taking it off the table so that you can actually prolong what's happening when you are doing the rest of the stuff, which is affecting you, obviously, biochemically and also energetically. Ian Kerner: Absolutely. I would agree with that. Very often when I'm working with couples and there's a sex issue, or they're not having mutual orgasms, or they're not enjoying sex as much as they could or there's some kind of dysfunction, I'll often say, "Well, let's take orgasms and sex off the table and let's just sort of go back to a ground zero and build up from there." Neil Sattin: Yeah, well, I think that this podcast episode would not be complete without talking about some actual techniques and details of how to do it and we don't have to cover everything. There's a lot of information in Ian's book, She Comes First, and that makes me think of another question but before I ask that, let's just talk about a few things that are important and that maybe you find to be the biggest problems when people are actually performing oral sex on a woman and how to do it differently? Ian Kerner: I think one misconception is that the tongue or an oral sex, it's about penetration or that the tongue is kind of a stand-in for the penis. And then a lot of guys sort of focus on sort of showing off a little bit. And again, all of the nerve endings that really contribute to the female orgasm are located on the surface of the vulva. They respond to gentle stimulation rather than penetration. Some women have told me, when complaining about their partner's oral sex techniques, "Oh, it's like the running of the bulls in Spain, a mad stampede for my clit." That's not what you want to be doing. They're like, "When he goes down on me, it's like a cobra fighting a mongoose." It's just like a...you don't want to be that vicious cobra. You want to approach oral sex again as a dance in which a woman is often leading, sometimes just providing a very flat still tongue or a simple point of resistance. Ian Kerner: There's an area of the vulva, of the clitoris, that's actually just above the clitoral glans which would be more in the area of the hood that kind of covers the glans but it's just that area, just sort of a little above and behind the clitoral glans that's called the Front Commissure and it's a little smooth area that's so kinda like the... As big as... Less than the size of a fingernail of your pinky, but there's a lot of nerve endings there and that area responds very well to pressure, not necessarily friction but pressure and if you just sort of get into a groove and get into a position where a woman is... Ian Kerner: Where there's contact between the front commissure and either a tongue or even better, something that's firmer than a tongue like your front gum just above your tooth, if you just sort of raise your lip into kind of like a little bit of an Elvis Presley snarl and just kinda nestle your gum against that front commissure which is, again, not exactly on the clitoral glans but more sort of just above and behind the clitoral glans a little, and then just kinda get right into that. And let her do... Let her sort of set the routine. It's a little like when a woman is on top during the intercourse. One of the reasons the female superior position is the position that most consistently leads to orgasms for women is because in that position they can really get a lot of clitoral stimulation by pressing the clitoris against a guy's pelvis and pubic bone and also really control the frequency and pressure and the nature of the stimulation against the clitoris as well. If you can do the same thing during oral sex and really let her sort of press into a point of resistance, again, sort of like the soft area of your gum just above your tooth might be, I would say, is ideal. Ian Kerner: And really let her lead the dance. In some ways you don't have to do anything more than that. You can certainly use your tongue to be providing, to be going back and forth against the clitoris or looking inside the vulva and the vaginal entrance, you can also... You should also certainly think about enhancing oral stimulation with manual stimulation, whether your fingers or a sex toy. You can raise your fingers and sort of press into the g-spot area, but certainly a combination of manual stimulation and oral stimulation and again where you're less of the lead dancer and more of following her lead is one approach that I often recommend for people who are just sort of entering the world of oral sex. Neil Sattin: Yeah, and one thing that made a huge impression on me was you mentioned stillness, as being really important as well as movement. Ian Kerner: Uh-huh, yeah, and part of that is because men reach a point of ejaculatory inevitability and this has a lot to do with evolution and the importance of the male ejaculation to reproduction of the human race, but men can very quickly, often very quickly reach a point of ejaculatory inevitability. You're going to have an orgasm, you're going to ejaculate and there's no pulling back, and you get to that point of no return. And I think for men that's sort of how we conceptualize the sexual response cycle. But most women will tell you that they can very easily lose an orgasm, and that even as an orgasm is starting to happen, it can still be lost. There is no point of inevitability, there is no real point of no return, and that's why I emphasize both stillness and predictable routines. If you're doing something and it's working, keep doing it until she lets you know otherwise. Too many men I hear from their partners are doing great jobs, a woman is very close to having an orgasm, she's very excited. And based on that excitement, they will sort of get excited themselves or change what they're doing. And it's in that change that a woman often loses her orgasm. So, I do emphasize tuning in, I do emphasize stillness, I do emphasize following her lead, and I do emphasize predictable, consistent, rhythmic routines. Neil Sattin: Great, well, Ian Kerner, thank you so much for your time and for all the valuable  information that you've given us today on the podcast. And I just wanna say that Ian's book "She  Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman" is available on Amazon and also probably at your local bookseller. You can visit Ian on the web, his address is iankerner.com. And again, if you’d like to  download the transcript AND the bonus action guide for this episode, just visit neilsattin.com/ian, that's I­A­N or you can just text the word "passion", P­A­S­S­I­O­N to the number 33444 and follow the instructions there.  Ian, thanks again for coming on the show today, and for defending the orgasm, and also giving us some great words of wisdom for how to have more pleasure in our intimate lives. Ian Kerner: You're very welcome. I can't think of anything I'd rather be defending, so thank you.  

XXX Menopause and Tantric Sex yes we are going into a very deep conversation about all things sexual with the very knowledgeable Janet McGeever. Janet has recently co-authored a book with Diana Richardson on “Tantric Sex and Menopause, Practices for Spiritual and sexual renewal. Phew.. well it is a bit of a hot topic especially if you are menopausal. Janet gives us some amazing information about why many women might not be enjoying sex with their partner or worse still just giving up on sex and intimacy. Janet talks about love and connection and how we all need to slow down and start experiencing the joy of relationship. We also cover off why we might just be missing out on some good things for the rest of our bodies as a result. I learned a lot and I am sure you will too.

Let´s talk about sex, baby… Nimm dir Zeit für die Liebe! Heute sprechen wir über die schönste Nebensache der Welt und wie erfüllter Sex dir die schönsten körperlichen Gefühle geben kann, die du mit deinem Körper erleben kannst. Aber wie gelingt es, erfüllten Sex zu haben? Und woher weißt du überhaupt, was erfüllter Sex für dich ist? In dieser Folge erfährst du: Was eine wertschätzende und offene Kommunikation mit gutem Sex zu tun hat Wie echter Herzkontakt mit einem erfüllten Liebesleben zusammenhängt Warum du dir öfter mal was Schönes gönnen solltest Und wie du mit der Kopfstandmethode herausfinden kannst, was für dich zu erfülltem Sex dazu gehört   Klick hier, um in das Buch "Slow Sex" von Diana Richardson reinzuschnuppern. Kennst Du schon unser Buch für Beziehung, Partnerschaft und Selbstliebe: https://taeglich-neu-verliebt.de/   Ende November findet Christinas Seminar zum Thema, wie du deine Herzensstimme besser hören kannst statt. Es geht um Intuition und Medialität und wie du den Weg in deinem Leben findest. https://www.herz-kopf.com/seminar-vom-kopf-ins-herz/   Hier der Link zum Seminar alte Glaubenssätze auflösen mit Walter in Haintchen, bei Ffm am Main: https://www.herz-kopf.com/gedankenkarussell/   Unsere Podcast Handynummer für deine Sprachnachricht per Whatsapp: 0177/7515670   Komm in unsere Facebook Gruppe "Herz über Kopf Community" in der wir uns austauschen und euch immer Mittwochs wertvollen Input zu euren Themen geben: http://bit.ly/2BPXXsV Folge uns auf Instagram und lasse uns wissen, wie es dir mit dieser Folge ging! https://www.instagram.com/herz_uberkopf Unsere Arbeit lebt von guten Bewertungen. Wenn dir diese Folge geholfen hat, freuen wir uns, wenn du sie mit deinen dir wichtigen Menschen teilst und uns eine gute Bewertung auf itunes hinterlässt:https://apple.co/2oyaPeU           ****weitere Links von uns für dich*** Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/deinherzueberkopf/ Die nächsten Inspirationstage finden im Januar 2019 in Horn-Bad Meinberg statt. Bist du dabei? https://www.herz-kopf.com/inspirationstage/

If you’re in a same-sex relationship, do the rules change? Or are there universal principles of relationship that foster intimacy and passion no matter what kind of relationship you’re in? Today’s guest is Rick Miller, author of Mindfulness Tools for Gay Men in Therapy and Unwrapped: Integrative Therapy with Gay Men. Rick Miller has also been featured at the Couples Conference, and is on the faculty for Esther Perel’s Sessions Live 2018. Rick and I chat about the unique challenges faced by same-sex couples, particularly gay men in relationship. How do you address the uniqueness, while at the same time staying true to what we know about what works in relationships? In this far-ranging conversation, we cover the particulars as well as what we can all learn from how to have a successful same-sex relationship. As always, I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this episode and what revelations and questions it creates for you. Please join us in the Relationship Alive Community on Facebook to chat about it! Resources: Check out Rick Miller’s website Read Rick Miller’s books: Mindfulness Tools for Gay Men in Therapy and Unwrapped: Integrative Therapy with Gay Men FREE Relationship Communication Secrets Guide - perfect help for handling conflict… Guide to Understanding Your Needs (and Your Partner's Needs) in Relationship (ALSO FREE) www.neilsattin.com/miller Visit to download the transcript, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the transcript to this episode with Rick Miller. Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out Transcript: Neil Sattin: Hello and welcome to another episode of Relationship Alive. This is your host, Neil Sattin. We've had so many relationship experts on this show, and there have been times where we've talked about the principles of relationship and whether they apply or not to everyone, and particularly to same-sex relationships, are there these universal rules of relationships that apply? And up until now, the best answers we've come up with have been things like, "Well, yes, of course." But it's not necessarily based on any empirical evidence, or just a statement that's... And of course, these things apply to same-sex couples as well, you just have to make a few adjustments, that sort of thing. So, you hear that enough times and if you're me, you start to wonder, "Well, what is different?" I think it's important that we know, both for you, if you're listening and you are in a same-sex relationship, and I think there's something for all of us to learn as we learn about each other in this world, in this project that is so important, of just understanding other humans, and how we operate and recognizing that we don't all think about the world in the exact same way, and we don't all have the same kinds of experiences. Neil Sattin: So today's conversation is meant to be helpful on so many levels, and I hope that it is. We have an esteemed guest with us today, his name is Rick Miller, and he is a clinical social worker from the Boston area, who I found out about when I was chatting with Jeff Zeig about this topic, and you may remember Jeff Zeig, he was on the show back in Episode 102 and in Episode 114. We were chatting about, "Well, who would be an awesome person to have on the show to chat about this?" And he mentioned Rick, who among having presented at the couple's conference on this topic of gay male relationships, he's the author of, Unwrapped: Integrative Therapy with Gay Men: The Gift of Presence, which is a book primarily for therapists, and then another book, Mindfulness Tools for Gay Men in Therapy. Both books are amazing in helping you really wrap your brain, and I think that's kind of ironic, right? 'Cause we're talking about unwrapping. But it helps you wrap your brain around just how different this experience can be, and also where the similarities lie. Neil Sattin: So, I'm really excited to have Rick with us today to talk about gay male relationships. We will as always, have a detailed transcript of today's episode, which you can get if you visit neilsattin.com/miller, as in Rick Miller, M-I-L-L-E-R. Or you can always text the word, "Passion" to the number, 33-444 and follow the instructions to download your transcript. I think those are all the details, so let's dive in. Rick Miller, it's such a pleasure to have you with us here today on Relationship Alive. Rick Miller: Thank you for the great introduction! Neil Sattin: You’re welcome! So Rick, perhaps a good place to start is this question of where we all might share principles of how to have an amazing relationship in common. Then from there, we'll go into the places where we diverge. What do you see as the principles that hold true, no matter who you are in trying to have a successful relationship? Rick Miller: I do believe that there are universal principles that are a part of every intimate relationship, and some of them include vulnerability, self-expression, expression of intimacy and sexuality, dealing with conflict, dealing with trust, dealing with betrayal, so many things like that. I think what's unusual for male couples is that they were raised as boys and as men. So the development of the gay male is different from a man and a woman who end up being together. Neil Sattin: Yeah, and it also, from reading your book, Unwrapped, I was struck by not only are gay men raised as men, but then there's also this underlying dichotomy or tension between being raised as a man and what it's like to grow up gay in a world that doesn't fully support people who are gay. Rick Miller: Yes. So I have a lot to say about you're pointing this out. First, and most important is that for the majority of gay boys growing up, they know that they're different, they feel different, they feel ashamed of being different, on some level they're attuned, probably unconsciously attuned to their parents and their society, aware that they're not the child that their parents want them to be. So by the time they reach adulthood, they've learned to constrict themselves and they've become masters at hiding. So, what do you do in an intimate relationship when you've been accustomed to being so hidden all these years? And then suddenly it's expected that you'd be communicative, open, unguarded, and all that stuff. Neil Sattin: Right. Where those are really the essential ingredients in staying connected when things get challenging? Rick Miller: Yes, yeah. Neil Sattin: Yeah, it's a great question. One thing, one nuance that I really appreciated that you brought up in your book was that it comes even literally down to how I might feel in my body and distancing myself from that. So that even that might be a challenge to overcome, this feeling at home and at peace in my physical experience. Rick Miller: Absolutely. One of the points in the book, and a lot of the work that I do, and the trainings that I do is that gay men and gay boys dissociate from their bodies because their bodies are dangerous to them, partially because of the conflict of growing up gay and feeling disenfranchised and shutting that off, or partially because many gay boys are not good at athletics, and they don't trust that their coordination will get them where they want. Neil Sattin: So there's this need to build trust with your body? Rick Miller: And so many people don't even recognize this tension that I'm describing, and I do a lot of hypnosis with my clients, which is a really fascinating process and a part of what it includes is relaxing, going inside, noticing what's taking place inside the body and creating space for openness, warmth, and resourcefulness. Frequently, what comes out for many gay men is that they've been tightening themselves and hiding themselves and dissociating themselves without even realizing that they've been doing it because it's their automatic go-to place for day to day life. Neil Sattin: So listening right now, how would I know? How would I know if that is part of my normal state of being, and I wasn't even aware that that was happening for me? Rick Miller: Well, the easiest way to know is simply to take a moment and put your attention inside of yourself in your body and notice what is your breathing like? How are you holding yourself in this very moment? Are you tightening up a particular part or a particular place of your body? What are your neck and shoulders like in this very moment? Even as I'm asking you these questions, what are you noticing? So if you'd like to be the guinea pig, perhaps you can answer these based on your own observations. Neil Sattin: Yeah, well, I'm happy to be a guinea pig, and what I was noticing was just as you were talking, that there was a smile developing on my face. Rick Miller: Nice. Neil Sattin: And at the same time, I always feel a little... It's a combination of nervousness and excitement as these conversations get underway. I was feeling that like an unevenness to my breathing as opposed to just like a regular, smooth breathing. Yeah. Rick Miller: So one of the lucky things is that our cameras are not connected to each other, so I can't make any observations or have you here. So I'm gonna go at face value with what you're saying. I like the openness that you have, that a smile can come to your face. And if I were sitting across from you, I might point out little things that I'm seeing, and ask you to make slight adjustments, and all that kind of thing. It's exciting. What's interesting about really being attentive to the body is that there are so many answers that we have available inside of us that many of us don't even pay attention to. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Yeah, and it's coming to me really clearly right now and just so you know, and you listening know this, this is not planned, but I just became suddenly aware of how when I was reading your books and getting prepared for this conversation what it was like to grow up in this world, and I'm a product of the mid to late '70s and the '80s, I was born in '74, now I'm truly dating myself here and recognizing in relation to this dialogue, what my experience was, which is, I would not say that I'm gay and yet at the same time, I did experience a lot of, I think more things that might be considered more feminine and more connection to emotions. I'm realizing now just how much the fear of being labeled a certain way impacted me in terms of being fully in my expression of who I am. I wouldn't say that's the case for me now, but I think what came up for me was even a little bit of grief in recognizing like, "Oh, yeah, this was actually an obstacle for me in truly connecting with myself and with the people around me because I was afraid, afraid of being labeled." Rick Miller: I totally appreciate your openness in talking about this, and I think the experience of feeling different or even being noticed as being different is universal for people, but everyone has their own reason why. You strike me as a male who is sensitive and able to be open. That, especially back then in the '70s was perceived as possibly being gay. Fortunately, we live in a time now where being an expressive man is no longer a curse of being gay. It's allowed, it's encouraged. I'm very interested in the whole topic of masculinity in general, and what straight men can learn from gay men and what gay men can learn from straight men and how gender can be so fluid at this point in time. Neil Sattin: Absolutely. Rick Miller: Times are exciting and things are changing. The problem is, is that many gay boys who grew up in the era that you're referring to, or gay boys growing up now who live in very conservative areas still have the same difficulties that I grew up with and that you grew up with. Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah. And even in parts of the country that are more liberal, I wouldn't say that, it's not like homophobia has been eliminated or discrimination, or just even people's maybe unconscious but still expressed biases around same-sex relationships in society. Rick Miller: Well, I'm glad to hear you say it because I do a lot of training, and frequently people come up to me and say, "The world is so much better. Why are you doing these workshops? Gay men don't have to worry anymore. Everything is fine." On one hand, I guess many gay boys or gay men don't have to worry about being killed or being abused, but it's still an issue. People are still struggling and my premise, as you know, is that people are struggling without even realizing how much they're struggling. That's my job as a psychotherapist when I work with people, but it's also my job as an educator to let people know that deep down, there are still parts of the self that are vulnerable and protective. Neil Sattin: Yeah, so that brings us back to where we were, which was this inner inquiry and experience of our bodies and how that would show up if we were shutting down or having ways in which we are hiding our experience. Rick Miller: So sometimes it's a physical sensation that people are aware of. Sometimes it's a thought that comes up in the mind, or sometimes it's an image, our ability to use imagery is pretty profound. There are moments where things just pop into our awareness and we may not understand why or what it means, but if we dig a little bit deeper, we can usually make sense out of these things. Neil Sattin: There's something that I love about hypnosis, among many things, and one is the way that it gives our inner world permission to communicate with the outer world. So there's something about that inviting that you just mentioned that is I think is so powerful. It's the willingness to just be open and then to experience what comes your way as a message and what does that message tell you. Rick Miller: Well, what a beautiful way of describing hypnosis. Given that so many people are afraid of what's gonna happen and what they'll end up doing. Excuse me, it's pollen season in New England. So, the way that you described hypnosis was so non-threatening and so inviting, so I love that. As I do hypnosis with gay men, again, the constriction that has been part of their lives suddenly transforms itself into a beautiful openness and a self-reliance that is incredibly magical just to see. Neil Sattin: Yeah. So I would love for you to share with our audience why you've been using hypnosis as a therapeutic tool, and in particular the tension between like why using hypnosis is so helpful? And on the flip side, why someone might resist wanting the experience that hypnosis is giving them? Rick Miller: Sure. I forgot the first question. The first question... Neil Sattin: Yeah, the first question is, what is it about hypnosis that you've found to be so valuable in working with clients? Rick Miller: So I've always done guided meditation and guided imagery, and I never got formal training in it, and yet I was doing it with my clients and amazing things were happening. So when I decided to get more formal training, it was based on some of my friends that loved hypnosis, that I ended up pursuing it. What I realized as soon as I started doing it is that it's something that we all know how to do, and it's something that we do in our day to day lives over and over and over again without realizing it. For example, when we hear an old song on the radio and we immediately begin to have flashbacks about where we were, how we felt, who we were with, what our lives were like, that's one example. Another example of being hypnotized by ourselves is a scent. So today is a spring day and I can smell the pollen and I can smell that beautiful spring afternoon, and suddenly I have memories of being a child late in May as it was getting warmer outside, and I'm flooded with amazing memories. So that's another example of being hypnotized. So when I work with people in hypnosis, I'm helping them achieve a state inside of themselves, or to shift a state away from unpleasantness into comfort, or pleasantness or resourcefulness. Neil Sattin: And how does that makes such a huge difference particularly for gay men who are dealing with maybe this problem that we were talking about initially, which is around dissociation from their physical experience? Rick Miller: I think in general, anyone who is open to trying these things will love hypnosis, whether you're a gay man or not a gay man, but given how limited our experiences has been as gay men to be able to go inside and recognize that enjoyment is there, is revolutionary. The other generalization about gay men being men is that many gay men are type A, over achievers, and have compensated for feeling inadequate by overdoing things in the work setting or in academic settings and of course, the price that we pay to do that is not always paying attention to what's happening inside. So having the opportunity to slow down to connect with oneself is a pretty important gift, and it's overlooked way more than it ought to be. Neil Sattin: Yeah. And you talk about that in terms of hypnosis and Milton Erickson and his viewpoint that all of his clients had the resources within them to do whatever shifting was necessary in their lives. Rick Miller: Correct. Neil Sattin: It also reminds me a lot, and I think you talk about parts work as well. It reminds me of Dick Schwartz in Internal Family Systems. Again, all about enlisting our inner resources to come online so that we don't feel like we're deficient in some way. Rick Miller: So, let me say a little bit about parts work. Neil Sattin: Please. Rick Miller: Which is, inside of us are all these different parts. We're so busy living our lives trying to either be our best self, or trying to ward off parts of ourselves that are unformed or more primitive and the harder we try to push something away inside of us, the more it comes out in a way that we don't want it to. So in doing parts work, what we do is we welcome all parts of ourselves that exist inside. And as a psychotherapist, what I do is I work with people to have them bring these parts forward to allow each part to have an equal voice, the part of yourself that does greater work, the part of yourself that feels like an awkward adolescent, the part of yourself that feels like a five year old who's naughty because you know that you're different from other boys and I'll ask each part to recognize what they need or what they experience, and with this is a sense of integration and from this, there's a sense of well-being and mental health that is absolutely necessary. Neil Sattin: Yeah, I love it. Let's bring that now, imagining that we've miraculously totally resourced ourselves [chuckle] in the past 15 or 20 minutes, and let's bring it to the question of relationships. We started out with identifying some of the universal principles underlying relationships, the ability to be vulnerable, to be courageous, to be who you are, to repair in conflict. What have you noticed that's particular to relationships between men that is different, or that makes their particular situation challenging in a way that a heterosexual couple might not experience? Rick Miller: So the first image that comes to mind is, "How many gay male couples have arrived at my psychotherapy office sitting on opposite ends of the couch?" Of course, any couple can do that, but there's a particular way in which men can kinda shrink in and hope to disappear, which of course doesn't happen in a couple's therapy office and the ability to be tender and vulnerable and to listen carefully and closely as opposed to providing quick and instant solutions is something that a lot of men struggle with. The other thing is that men, as I said, are not experts at allowing vulnerabilities to come to the surface. So when you're in a male couple with two men who are fighting vulnerabilities, it's hard to know what to do when one or both are either feeling conflict or feeling scared. Another common issue that comes up a lot is that men frequently are lacking role models about how to be tender and intimate and loving towards their partners, and having growing up in a world of masculinity, it's not considered cool to do those things. But then suddenly when you're in an adult relationship, it's one of the necessary ingredients for a relationship to flourish. Neil Sattin: Now you also talked about the impact of the mythology of gay culture, and as I was reading about that I was thinking about, "Yeah, that must be so challenging to on the one hand be part of this larger culture that looks at you one way, but then to have this idealized version of what it means to be a gay man that you also might not fully resonate with, but it at least gives you a place to go." Rick Miller: Well, there's a lot of pressure to be a certain kind of gay man and what's interesting is that before we had the internet or phone apps, being gay perhaps was more regional. That we were informed by where we lived and how people did things where we lived. Now, it's a worldwide experience and gay men are looking at other gay men all over the world and the pressure to be young, to look a certain way, to be professionally successful is what is driving many men in their desires to be successful. The problem with that is that many men are very successful in a variety of ways, but they don't feel like they measure up to this gay-male standard. It's a lot of pressure and frequently men will buy into this without even recognizing that it's what they do. Rick Miller: So when I do trainings, frequently people will raise their hands and say, "Well I have many gay male clients that live outside of the city, and they live in rural areas, and they don't buy into what you're talking about." and I'll come back and challenge them by saying, "Do they go online? What are they looking at? What are the pornography sites that they're looking at? What are the websites that they're going to as gay men were they being informed about what their life ought to be like as a gay man?" I make the comparison of how women will look at fashion magazines regardless of age, regardless of their size, and then experience this uncomfortable feeling inside of themselves based on not meeting those standards. Neil Sattin: Yeah, and how do you help a couple who were maybe one or both members of the couple is struggling with that issue? How do you help them support each other in finding who they really are in the midst of all of that? Rick Miller: Well, one of the things is to verbalize what I just said to you about noticing how some of the pressure to be a certain way is coming from outside of themselves, and that they're internalizing that without even realizing it. So one of the gifts of being a couples therapist is that I get to help people shift their focus inward, and to be the person that they really are, and accept who they really are, rather than trying to be a stereotype of who someone is supposed to be. The other thing that I do, which is part of the same process as going inside, is helping people to identify what they want, what they need, what they expect from their partner, and to also learn how to give parts of themselves that they didn't know they could do or didn't allow themselves to do because it wasn't considered masculine. Neil Sattin: Yeah, one thing that you mentioned, I think, in maybe the presentation that you gave for the Couples Conference that I can totally relate to, because I happen to think that just about everyone could use a bit of a sexual re-education. This idea that there's a discovery of what it really means to us as individuals to be healthy, to be sexual to... What gives us pleasure, what doesn't. And to really be able to explore that enough that we can take a strong stand for who we are in that, as opposed to just buying into some prescription that's been handed us. Rick Miller: Part of the prescription that's been handed to gay men is that there are certain ways that we're supposed to be sexual and that we're all supposed to have open relationships and that every gay male cheats on his partner and that belief system reinforces something that may not necessarily be okay. If a gay male couple chooses to have an open relationship, that's their prerogative, but it needs to be done very carefully with a lot of questions and communication. Rick Miller: The other aspects of sexuality that's very important with individuals and also with couples, is by being aware of sensory experiences. So here we are, going back in inward again, listening to the body. Each body, each person has their own preferences that feel good to them. Instead of having the norm of gay sex, have sex that you as an individual enjoy. What are the ways that you enjoy being touched? Where do you like being touched? How do you experience that? How do you like to give to each other, and what does your body tell you in these circumstances? Erection issues are common for all men and gay men tend to think that other gay men don't have erection issues. That's not true, but no one is talking about it because it's not a standard that's very cool to talk about. The harder you try to be sexual and pull off a great sexual act, the least likely you'll be able to be to have a great erection. It's like sleeping at night time. If you have sleep anxiety and you're trying to focus on sleeping well, you're gonna stay awake out of anxiety. Neil Sattin: Do you have... 'Cause with what you were just talking about, and I think in this ideal world, we would be able to just be... Well, for lack of a better word, be innocent with each other and have that exploration. To me, the big word that leaped out when I was having that thought, was shame, and how shame becomes an obstacle to being a willing explorer. Rick Miller: Yes. Yep, so shame, of course is a central experience for growing up gay. It's the backbone of one's being, and so as an adult, how do you rate yourself of something that's been embedded inside of you all this time? And so part of your approach in just being and finding comfort is a great way of working with shame and healing shame. So that's the good news about being in a relationship, is that the closeness and the tenderness that can be achieved is going to erode away these layers of shame. I also had an image of how men treat their animals, which is that they're able to speak in a high tone of voice. They're able to be very gentle, they're able to cuddle with them. Frequently partners will say, "If you treated me like you treated the dog, I would be so happy." and clearly, it's a less conflictual relationship. It's all about pure love, and for many men, they're not worried about being masculine with their dog. If only they could do the same with their partners, maybe they wouldn't need me. Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah, that's a really interesting thought that brings me in so many different directions. [chuckle] Yeah, I'm curious about one thing in particular that... And I'm just wondering if you can shed some light on this, because as you've described it, one of the key possibilities for someone growing up gay is this sense that, "There's something not quite right about me," or, "a shame about who I am," and I think in 'Unwrapped', you described a client who was struggling with this question of choosing a relationship simply based on someone accepting them and what it feels like to actually be with another gay man and be like, "Wow, it's actually okay to be gay," versus taking it to the next level where someone isn't just accepting you, they actually want what you want and you truly have a symbiotic relationship. Is this a common problem in gay relationships where someone might kind of settle because they finally at least feel accepted even if they're not really getting the relationship that they want? Rick Miller: You're touching so many things that I could go in about 10 directions on [chuckle] but I think, again, the norms of the gay male sub-culture are such that gay men frequently are seeking out beauty over other qualities. The prize of a gay male is being with someone who turns heads and beauty is only skin deep, and what else is there? So in an ideal world, we don't just look for a partner who looks great on the outside. We look for a partner who complements us, who challenges us, who brings us tension and joy. One of the things I love about relationships is that there's an expectation that it's all smooth and hunky-dory and hearts and roses, when in fact, the truth about intimate relationships is that they're challenging, they're difficult, and there's a certain edginess that comes with this that's truly intimate, truly exciting, and keeps a certain freshness going. So this is much more about the insides of who we really are rather than how we appear on the outside or how people view us from the outside. I always say that every couple has their own particular hell that they keep secret from the rest of the world because they fear that if other people know, they're gonna blow the cover. But there is no such thing as a relationship that doesn't have this. Neil Sattin: Yeah, and for someone who at one point relished the fact that they were accepted, but now is recognizing, "Oh, this isn't really a relationship where I'm being fully met, but I don't have hope that I could find what I'm looking for in another partner." How do you create a light of optimism there for those people? Rick Miller: Basically, I will reassure them that the Hell that they're experiencing is normal. [laughter] So I have a timeline that I frequently tell people, which is that the first four months of any intimate relationship, not just men, is a time of such excitement and a time of great projection. During these moments, the rest of the world goes away when we're together and the other person is fulfilling all that has been unfulfilled, and it's so dreamy and it's so magical and obviously, there's a strong intimate and sexual component during this period of time. And around eight months or so, people really begin to see each other for who they really are, and this includes warts and all. So as people become more real, the challenges present themselves more and more regularly and frequently between this and about two years couples think that because this is happening, there's something wrong and a majority of people end the relationship because it isn't perfect when in fact, this is exactly what needs to happen. Rick Miller: And when couples experience this, separating out their love and respect for their partner, along with what their hopes and expectations were, and experiencing disappointment, knowing that this is part of what the big picture is about, it enables people to move forward and really accept who they are, who their partner is, and what their couplehood is about. And that is what true intimacy really is. And so, again, going back to male couples, a part of this recipe is also in accepting our own limitations based on how we feel inside of ourselves, how we were raised, what was expected of us as men, and how to give a soft, intimate loving part of ourselves to another person when we haven't really been taught how to do it. If we use our mothers as our role model, then we're losing our masculinity. If we use our fathers as our role model, then we may have a struggle with how to be soft in these certain ways. Neil Sattin: Yeah, that makes me think about the pull between the importance of attachment in relationship and creating safety and then the ways that we handle a lack of variety or things being maybe too safe in our relationships. Maybe this is a tension inherent in that stereotype that you mentioned. The stereotype that there are a lot of gay relationships where people have multiple partners or poly or open, and how that must be creating some tension and polarity with what's required to create a secure bond between two people. Rick Miller: It's so fascinating to me that frequently gay couples come into my office and say, "I think we need to open up our relationship." And I'll say, "Why is that?" And they'll say, "Because we're having a horrible time with each other." Since when would opening up a relationship be the solution to a struggle that has nothing to do with the outside role that has everything to do with the two people working on these vulnerabilities? So I frequently try to slow people down and to allow their focus to be between the two of them and themselves long before running out and making life a little bit more complicated. In terms of thinking about attachment, what we expect and need from our partners is for them to have our back. Our partners become a safe haven in the world. Our partners become a representation of our parents, or they even become a representation of the ideal parent that we never had. So as our partners tolerate us and love us and care for us, they're compensating for things that we didn't get when we were younger. And frequently, partners, men and women, need to be taught how to do this in a context of couples therapy or in the context of educating themselves in order to be more fully available. Neil Sattin: And when you say learning about how to do this, are you talking about really being aware that that is part of maybe the unspoken expectation in relationship and then deciding how you're gonna respond to that? Or will you be that ideal parent as much as possible? Or will you shine a light on that dynamic and try to dismantle it so that neither of you is putting that expectation on each other? Rick Miller: No. I will shine a light on that dynamic saying that this is what it is, this is what a truly intimate relationship is, and that each person in the world that's in an intimate relationship has some challenges with how to be a parent figure to your partner, 'cause that's not how we go into it. So how do you learn how to do that and know what to do? And so that's what I mean, is that we all have to learn how to nourish and nurture other people, especially our partners. Neil Sattin: Yeah. And what are your thoughts on how that creates... And I love this, we keep uncovering these little places of tension in relationship. Because as we show up more like a parental figure for our partners with unconditional love, unconditional support, not judging them, helping them through hard times, it sounds really great. At the same time, we potentially create a schism that makes problems with sexual polarity 'cause... Rick Miller: Sexual polarity and all other kinds of polarity. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Rick Miller: First starting with a sexual polarity, how do you feel sexual toward someone that you've exposed so much of yourself to, and still keep things hot? And again, going back to sensations and sensory awareness is that sometimes what feels good sexually is a physical sensation, and people don't always pay enough attention to that. Neil Sattin: Yeah. I wonder, are you familiar with Marnia Robinson's work? Rick Miller: No, I'm not. Neil Sattin: Okay. She was on the show, actually back in Episode 5, so a long time ago. She wrote a book called, Cupid's Poisoned Arrow, that's all about the biochemical effects of orgasms. And in particular, her whole thesis is based on this idea that if you have an orgasm, you're flooding your system with dopamine, and you're also creating this process by which you become desensitized to that dopamine and to your partner. So as we're talking about this and what keeps sexuality alive, it reminds me of her work because her whole thing is about how do you explore sexuality without orgasm in order to keep the sexuality alive and to keep the sexual chemistry going, as opposed to just repeatedly flooding your system with dopamine to the point where you're habituated to your partner and need to seek another person in order to get excited. Rick Miller: So if you talk about gay men, gay men learn to be sexual as men, and of course, men's motive during sex is to have an orgasm. And frequently men have orgasms very quickly. So the suggestion that Marnia is discussing and that you're talking about, is something that I frequently assign to couples for homework. And it's very, very hard for people to actually do this, which is to spend a lot of time taking turns with each other and exploring each other's bodies without focusing on orgasm and without having an orgasm, so that they can really learn to identify other great feelings, how to give to each other, how to receive, how to instruct each other and to learn about what else feels good inside the body. Neil Sattin: Yeah, and there's so much to learn there because I think for so many of us, men in particular, orgasms are a great way to dissociate from life and our pain and our shame and whatever stress we're feeling in the moment. So if that has become your gateway to sexuality, then you really do have to learn something new in order to give up the temporary relief and release that orgasms give you from something that we've been talking about for this whole hour is the question of shame and how that affects how we show up. Rick Miller: I think one of the joys that can happen for couples, and I'm thinking about this a little bit more detailed as you've been discussing this, is how good it feels to be with a partner and to help him be able to have an orgasm and if both of your minds approach sex from a similar vantage point, then it's a sense of power and conquering that two people experience with the help of each other. That's a pretty amazing feeling and even if it doesn't last that long, it's a great metaphor for success in a relationship. Neil Sattin: Yeah. How would you suggest someone when they're in a sexual situation with their partner and they notice shame coming up and starting to get in the way, their own sense of thinking that something going on with their body is gross or unacceptable? How would you suggest someone work with that in the moment with their partner? Rick Miller: By exactly what you were just talking about and what Marnia talks about, which is to de-emphasize orgasm. I also ask people to not worry about whether they have an erection. Frequently, what happens is that as men feel vulnerable, either about how they feel physically about themselves, or how they're performing as a partner in comparison to how people are supposed to be performing, they lose their erection. And then, as they begin to lose their erection, just like the sleep thing, they worry about it and then their partner may get frustrated and then the mind takes over and they're gone. So really, what I have people do first and foremost is slow themselves down. It's okay if you lose an erection, it's okay to keep doing what you're doing, keep exploring the sensations and take a break if you need, and worry less, enjoy more, be in the present, allow expectations to drift further and further away 'cause they only get in the way. Neil Sattin: I am so appreciative that you brought this up because another person whose work I so respect and admire, her name's Diana Richardson, you may have heard of her, she does a lot of work around Tantra. And her version of Tantra, she also calls it "slow sex", is all about just that, how you slow things down. One of the things that she talks about that I think is actually really missing from the common dialogue about what you do when you have problems maintaining an erection is this concept of, she calls it "soft entry." It's not the most glamorous term in the world, [chuckle] but it's this idea... Well, it's not an idea, it's a practice of if you don't have an erection, you can still get lubricated, and with the assistance of your partner, you can still actually be inside your partner even if you're not hard. Rick Miller: That's great. Neil Sattin: So you're overcoming this barrier and I'm making those finger quotes in the air around the word "barrier," you can overcome the barrier to intercourse by simply using some lubrication, some patience, and really gentle movement to actually penetrate your partner and to rest there. Rick Miller: And what a difference that makes to not have to rush so quickly and how freeing it can be. I don't know the statistics, but what percentage of people then experience erections as a result of allowing themselves to softly enter and be relaxed? Neil Sattin: Yeah, I wish I had the statistic on that. But... Rick Miller: Good one. Neil Sattin: I gotta think that it's a lot. It's a lot because what you end up giving yourself is that time and relaxation and the presence that you need to ignite that part of your system. Rick Miller: Can I shift gears for a moment? Neil Sattin: Please. Rick Miller: Because I'm thinking of a specific couple that I work with, where one of the guys frequently would lose his erection because he felt as though he wasn't being as good or as strong of a partner as he ought to be and through some exploration in my office, what was clear was that expectations were driving their sex life and it was getting in the way. Part of being more real included talking about sex more, but also sharing fantasies. It was hard for them to do that because it was considered naughty for them to be talking about these fantasies and ironically, gay men love porn. So instead of keeping it out of the relationship, why not bring it in and share the enthusiasm about it to help things along? So this particular couple started talking more about their fantasies and sharing the visual images of the pornography that they really liked, and their sex life transformed itself really quickly because they were no longer keeping a part of themself a secret from their partner. Instead, they were bringing it back home and it worked beautifully. Neil Sattin: Yeah, I love that and that sounds like a very healthy, strategic use of that kind of pornographic stimulation to bring a couple together. Rick Miller: It was great. Neil Sattin: I'm wondering though when you brought that up, it also made me think about... You used the word "expectations," their expectations of each other, and the ways that this is true across the spectrum now, especially because of the prevalence of pornography. Rick Miller: Yes. Neil Sattin: The way that people think they're supposed to be when they're being sexual. Rick Miller: That's right. Neil Sattin: And I'm wondering how you encourage people to abandon the scripts that aren't serving them? Rick Miller: Good point. Everything goes back in a circle to listening to your body and the pornography industry is thriving, and people are pursuing it and losing fact of their own humanity as they're doing so. I'm saying that not as a moral judgement, but more as a mind-body clinician who wants people to function highly and successfully inside of themselves. Again, it all comes back to the body. I'm constantly slowing people down, asking people to notice what they enjoy, what turns them on, what their fantasies are, and to use pornography as a help or as an aid for themselves, rather than as a way of being in the world. And incidentally, another thing that's happening is that many men have an unrealistic view of what their penis should look like, because they compare their penis to pornography who frequently hire men who are very well endowed. These days, men are barely naked in front of each other, locker rooms are more segregated and separated, and men don't have an opportunity to see other men's dicks to realize that there isn't a problem there where they think it's their own problem that they feel ashamed about. Neil Sattin: Right. Yeah, yeah. And even if you are seeing dicks, you're probably not seeing erect dicks, so... Rick Miller: Right. Neil Sattin: That's another place where you wouldn't necessarily know where you stack up against the average that's out there. Rick Miller: It's kind of incredible how much private shame people are living with and not doing much about it. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Yeah, and that makes me wonder in your book Unwrapped, you offer, for therapists reading that book, scripts to help them guide their clients through trance experiences, to give them that sense of safety and being alive in their bodies. Obviously, we can't do a hypnotic induction right here for the show. I'm wondering though, if you have some hints around language that partners could use with each other in a intimate situation, let's say, in the bedroom, language that they could use to help invite each other into that experience of being alive with each other, being present, or let's start there and then I'll maybe add on to that. Rick Miller: Yeah, so I think language is actually too limiting, because what I'm imagining as you were describing this is a shared moment together where there's plenty of time, where maybe soft music is playing, where there's no rush, and the experience to enjoy is what feels good. And sometimes it isn't through words that we can convey to our partners what it is that feels good. We can take our hand and move our partner's hand, or we can move our body in such a way that communicates what feels good. So I guess I would use the word language in a very broad metaphorical way, which is to expand the language that we experience sensations, and experience, and expand the ways in which we communicate our pleasure in these sensations, so that our partners can enjoy what it is that we're enjoying, being perfectly clear to convey that we're enjoying it. Neil Sattin: Yeah, so that's perfect. I love that notion of expanding language and expanding the ways that we're communicating in those moments. How about... And it makes perfect sense too, in the context of, that you said, I loved the soft music and I was kind of painting the picture for myself there. Rick Miller: Yes. Yeah. Neil Sattin: Too bad my wife is out in California right now. Neil Sattin: And, but what about... Because now we're coming back to shame, I don't wanna end on shame, so but what I do wanna do is, there's gonna be this dynamic where if you're being really present with your partner in sex, then you're either gonna maybe have moments of shame that you might recognize in yourself, or as the partner you might perceive that something is going on with your partner, that your partner's experiencing shame. What, again, we'll use the word language but broadening it to mean how would you communicate in a situation where you notice that your partner is in shame about something? Rick Miller: So this is when language really does come in handy. Frequently, what I suggest to people is if they don't need to focus on being sexual, don't worry about ending the act and ending in orgasm. Let it be. Let it be fine. Sometimes sex is great. Sometimes it isn't great. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't work. So with language what I suggest is when things are a little bit more neutral and a little more okay, to have a simple basic conversation about what it is that one is noticing, either in themselves, or observing in their partner and just converse about what it is that's coming up. And so, again, we've gone full circle to how we started today, which is to be able to talk openly and honestly about what experiences are taking place and what partners are noticing in themselves and in each other. Neil Sattin: And is there something that you've seen as you work with clients around issues of shame, as like a common theme and for some reason, I don't know why this is coming up for me, but it's this question of something about my body that I don't necessarily like, as to why those things stick with us? Because intuitively, that doesn't make any sense. It's our bodies, they're... We were gifted these amazing vehicles for living in the world. Yet, sometimes they betray us, like you lose your erection when you wish it were there, or you fart at the wrong moment, or whatever it is, or your gut's a little flabbier than you wish it were. Do you see some commonalities around what makes those thoughts about ourselves sticky? And what the path is to letting them go? Rick Miller: Yep. So first, about shame, what I frequently do will generalize the experience of shame as a gay man and remind people that this is a common universal experience. It isn't just you, this is what most gay boys have experienced and internalized while growing up. So, that's at the baseline, and then in the here and now in terms of body image or sexuality, again, focusing on sensation rather than images of perfection, figuring out why it is that people are experiencing a sense of self-consciousness and shame. I love doing this with couples. I ask them, "When your partner gains five pounds how do you feel differently about him? And how do you feel differently about your sex life?" And, for the most part, what happens is that people don't care. Partners don't care. Rick Miller: At a certain point in the relationship it isn't necessarily the abs that are creating great sex, it's the connection, it's the way in which people communicate with each other, it's the way in which people give to each other, the way in which they're attuned to each other and they enjoy these sensations. That's what sex is, and that's what makes it nice. In all long-term relationships, beauty dies down in a certain way and being with the same partner has a certain level of predictability. So, regardless of how hot one is, or how one is perceived at the beginning of a relationship, over time that hotness shifts and changes into a much truer kind of intimacy. So again, we go back to expressing what feels good, aiming towards pleasing oneself and pleasing each other, and enjoying the moment for the moment, and enjoying the moment in the moment. Neil Sattin: I love it. I love it. Rick, thank you so much for all of your thoughts, and... Rick Miller: Absolutely. Neil Sattin: And I think as we've been dancing, we are really weaving the sense of where there's overlap and where there isn't, and I feel like we've just covered such valuable terrain in today's conversation. Rick Miller: Thank you, we could go on for hours, I'm sure. Neil Sattin: We absolutely could, but in lieu of doing that, I would love for you to share what you're working on, how can people find you. Of course, we will have links to all of your stuff in the transcript and show notes, but I'd love for people to hear from you directly. Rick Miller: Absolutely. So my website is rickmiller.biz, B-I-Z, rickmiller.biz. I'm working on a great project and maybe it's about how gay men learn to be intimate in the first place called, Gay Sons and Mothers. So it's gaysonsandmothers.com. I'm also on Instagram. I have a Facebook page, Rick Miller Psychotherapy+. I have a blog on Psychology Today called, Unwrapped. Where else can I be found? I think those are the main ones. Neil Sattin: Great. Great. And you're obviously in private practice, so people can see you. Rick Miller: That's right. Neil Sattin: And then you're also involved in doing trainings for therapists as well? Rick Miller: Yep, I do a lot of mental health conferences all over about working with gay men. Neil Sattin: Great, and I think you mentioned that you have some coming up, the Brief Therapy Conference and the International Society of Hypnosis. So there're a couple ways, but you probably have your events listed on your website as well. Rick Miller: I do, and I welcome any questions and any emails from people, so give me a holler. Neil Sattin: Awesome. Well, Rick, thank you so much for your time again today. If you are interested in downloading a transcript, you can visit neilsattin.com/miller, M-I-L-L-E-R. You can text to the word "passion" to the number 33444 and follow the instructions, which will also help you download the transcript, and we'll have links to Rick's site and all the ways that you can get in touch with him and to learn more about his work. Other than that, thank you so much for being here on the show with us today Rick. Rick Miller: Thank you very much. Take care. Neil Sattin: You too.

Slow Sex, was hat das eigentlich mit uns gemacht? Vor einigen Jahren wussten wir, dass wir etwas in unserer Beziehung ändern mussten. Wir waren unzufrieden in der Beziehung, es gab Stress und Streit. Aber der eigentliche Knackpunkt war: wir waren nicht wirklich zufrieden und glücklich im Sex. Und der hat sich dann nach und nach ausgeschlichen… da waren wir Anfang 30 und gar nicht happy drüber. Also, heiße Eisen im Feuer. Ela hörte dann von einem Seminar, in dem es um entspannten, liebevollen Sex gehen würde. Und wir nahmen teil. Anfangs hatten wir große Befürchtungen, was das mit uns machen würde. Und vor allem Angst, dass unsere Beziehung ein Ende haben könnte. Aber nach ganz kurzer zeit war klar: hier öffnet sich eine Tür für ein ganz neues Leben. Und ganz neuen Sex. Darum geht es in dieser Episode Mit diesem Seminar hat sich also alles für uns verändert. Und in dieser Folge erfährst du: Was Slow Sex nach Diana Richardson mit uns zu tun hat
 Wie unser Weg mit Slow Sex begann
 Welche Phasen wir mit Slow Sex durchlebt haben
 Und wir von Slow Sex zu unserer Einfach Liebe-Berufung gekommen sind

Two neighborhoods — Boyle Heights in Los Angeles and Crown Heights, Brooklyn New York — are experiencing the gamut of changes associated with gentrification. And some are pushing back against those who would cash in on the eviction and displacement of longtime residents. On this edition of Making Contact we hear how one Crown Heights restaurant drew the protest of local residents, and how a coalition of activists in Boyle Heights is taking direct action against gentrifying forces in the neighborhood.  Featuring:   Leonardo Vilchis, Union de Vecinos & Defend Boyle Heights; Claudia Medina, Eviction Defense Network; Carlos Montes, Centro CSO & Boyle Heights Neighborhood Council; Diana Richardson, NY State Assembly; Becca Brennan, owner of Summerhill restaurant; Geoffrey Davis, Crown Heights community organizer For more information: Crown Heights Bar Owner Plasters Over Controversial ‘Bullet Hole' Wall – Emma Whitford, Gothamist http://gothamist.com/2017/09/20/summerhill_crown_heights_wall.php Crown Heights Town Hall Meeting, August 24, 2017 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYwq8vfar_k An LA Community Fights the “Discovery” of Its Neighborhood by Commercial Art Galleries – Abe Ahn, Hyperallergic https://hyperallergic.com/252268/an-la-community-fights-the-discovery-of-its-neighborhood-by-commercial-art-galleries/ Track every NYC apartment eviction on this interactive map – Tanay Warekar, Curbed New York https://ny.curbed.com/2017/9/25/16361572/rent-stabilization-map-crown-heights-bushwick Defend Boyle Heights – Anti-gentrification coalition based in Boyle Heights http://defendboyleheights.blogspot.com/ Defend Boyle Heights sparks controversy with anti-gentrification push – Saúl Soto, Boyle Heights Beat http://www.boyleheightsbeat.com/defend-boyle-heights-sparks-controversy-with-anti-gentrification-push-18040/ The post A Tale of Two Heights appeared first on KPFA.

How can you use the techniques of tantra in your everyday, busy life? How do you get off the “getting off” grid when it comes to sex, and find deeper, more satisfying connection with your partner? What is “relaxed entry” - and how can that revolutionize your sex life? In this episode, we receive a return visit from Diana Richardson, one of the world’s experts on tantra, and author of The Heart of Tantric Sex (among many other books on tantra). We talk about how to make tantra practical - along with a discussion of “relaxed entry” - which can revolutionize your sex life whether or not you’re dealing with erectile dysfunction. We talk about tantra in same-sex relationships, how to have sex without it being focused on “excitement” - and...much more! If you’re interested in hearing my earlier episodes with Diana Richardson, please check out: Episode 2 - Discover the Power of Slow Sex Episode 10 - How to Get Off the Rollercoaster and Get Back to Love Cultivate body perception: Our overarching cultural education teaches us to be mind oriented, and thus, detached from our bodies. We engage with our bodies mostly from a place of negativity- focusing mainly on feeling what isn’t working. When was the last time that you simply observed how you were sitting or standing? We must begin to engage our capacity to perceive our integrated selves through re-anchoring our awareness in our own bodies. Once we have some control of where our attention goes, we can then start to feel into our sensations and truly ask ourselves ‘what feels good to me? What might feel better?’. A relaxed body has the capacity to allow for an expansion of energy/life force/vitality- and this is the basis of tantra. In order to set this foundation start to tend to your inner awareness, checking in with your physical self several times throughout the day so that you can truly sense that you have a body and you can sense into where it is holding tension, where it is relaxed, where it needs some extra attention, etc. Feeling on a cellular level: Paired with our detachment from our physical selves is also an addiction to excitement. Culturally we have this belief that sex requires the production of something. Most people are addicted to excitement and are often having sex that is so over stimulating that they undervalue the nuances and subtleties that could lead to greater pleasure, connection, and fulfilment. What if sex was less about building things up to climax through stimulation than it was about actually feeling what it is we are feeling? Tantric sensuality is founded on the concept that the greater our capacity to feel ourselves on a cellular level the greater our opportunity for deep pleasure is. From sensation to sensitivity- Many of us have come into our sexuality believing 1) that climax is critical, 2) intensity equals satisfaction. The drive and strive for climax is mostly a mind-led directive, and can further disconnect us from our body intelligence. While intensity of sensation can feel great at times, the truth is that the more we rely on sensation in our sexual experiences, the less sensitive we become, and then the body will require more sensation to produce the same results. This overemphasis on stimulating sensation ends up decreasing our sensitivity. What is the difference? Sensation is extroverted and is situation-dependent whereas sensitivity is our intrinsic perspective on the feeling of our body at any given moment. Slow shifts through continual reflection: In order to reorient ourselves back to our sensitivity we have to increasing our ability to be embodied. This training of our awareness back into body memory and knowing will not be quick - however the more you can incorporate this practice into daily life the sooner you will see yourself shift. Go inward and do a body scan while driving, cooking, talking, etc. Ask yourself “where am I holding unnecessary tension? How can I shift myself to promote more relaxation and softening?”. The more you can widen and soften your physical self the more access you will begin to gain into your more subtle internal experiences- those that become doorways into deeper sexual experiences. Do more with your own body! Want more access to pleasure in your body? Start seeking activities that provide opportunities for you to experience the joy of being a being in a body! Book somatic experiencing sessions- massage, cranial sacral, floats, facials, and more. Find trusting professionals to help you connect to yourself through safe touch. “Let’s put the bodies together and see what happens” Sexuality without shoulds is WAY better! What if masculinity were not tied to erection? What if you could silence the shoulds and be with what is, how it is, when it is… When you move away from a preconceived notion of what sex is supposed to be like or look like or feel like and move towards a perspective of ‘let’s put our bodies together and see what happens’ you enter into a playful, spontaneous, surprising, authentic and usually delightful and informative way of relating. One way couples can practice entering this space is to begin exploring relaxed entry. This is when you use loads of lubrication to guide a non erect penis into the vagina with the intention of just moving around and allowing for sensitivity and exploration. Once the penis is entered without erection, you can rest and see what happens, or move around, but do not push - just enjoy the feeling(s). This is not only often very pleasurable for both in itself, but it is another way to tune more deeply into nuanced body awareness. Together allow yourselves to see how your parts awaken to each other, and let the process unfold in an organic way. Meanwhile, allow all the feelings - including the non-feelings! Often when you tune in you realize how much you have been missing by simply focusing on erection and climax. Containing the energy: While orgasms are great- there are many different ways to get there. When we pump and contract and work to build up sensation we tend to discharge the energy. What happens when you don’t chase it? What happens when you bring curiosity, playfulness, and a surrendering to doing things differently? As you each get to know your bodies in more subtle and deeper ways you will learn to drive your attention to different places, and to actually choose to contain the sexual energy and charge and divert it into new places, and more places. Bring awareness to yourself as you are making love and being with- If you only have 15-20 minutes available, dedicate this time to laying together and being together. Hold each other’s eye gaze. Land in your body. Allow your physical selves to just be in proximity and notice together what arises. This being-ness and then noticing and naming is what will help pave the way towards reclaiming your sensitivity. Sponsors: Talkspace.com - Online therapy that matches you with your perfect therapist. You can communicate with your therapist daily - so they can be there for you during the moments you most need support. Visit talkspace.com/ALIVE and use the coupon code “ALIVE” for $30 off your first month of online therapy. Resources: Learn more about Making Love retreats led by Diana Richardson here Read Diana’ Richardson’s books including Slow Sex: The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality Listen to Diana Richardson’s other episodes with Relationship Alive: Episode 2: neilsattin.com/tantra Episode 10: neilsattin.com/tantra2 www.neilsattin.com/tantra3 Visit to download the show guide, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the show guide to this episode with Diana Richardson Our Relationship Alive Community on Facebook Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out

Invited on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land in 2009, Diana Richardson expected the trip to be a wonderful site seeing tour of the historical sites in the bible. God had other things in mind however. Her visit to Mt. Tabor, the Mount of Transfiguration, would trigger a series of supernatural life changing events that would transform her faith and her life forever and bring her to a new understanding and appreciation of the Sacraments of the Catholic Church.

How do you hold a vision for your relationship without being trapped by perfectionism when it doesn’t quite measure up to the ideal? How do you manage time in your relationship so that you have time to nurture and build your connection? What are some practical ways that you can learn to value your and your partner’s uniqueness, and what you each bring to the table? And just why is commitment SO important in your relationship’s development? As a healer, relationship coach, and the host of this show, It’s my goal to provide you with unique, actionable insight for how to do relationships amazingly well. And while most of the guests that you’ll hear on the show make perfect sense if you’re familiar with the relationship space, like Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt in episode 22 or Diana Richardson talking about her version of Tantra, which she calls “Slow Sex”, in episodes 2 and episode 10, there are some other less obvious sources of wisdom that I want you to know about. One of these is an organization called “Strategic Coach” - led by Dan Sullivan - which supports entrepreneurs in innovative, often counter-intuitive ways to grow their businesses and lead lives balanced between work and well - LIFE. The more familiar that I’ve become with their advice for entrepreneurs over the years, the more I saw that you could apply their wisdom not only in the business world, but also in the realm of love and relationships. As it turns out, they do have a program called the “Couples Connection” for people in relationship - but it’s only available to people in the strategic coach program. And today’s guest, Shannon Waller, has not only been part of the Strategic Coach Organization since 1991, she has been instrumental helping them do exactly what we’re talking about - gearing their strategies towards the health and growth of relationships. She’s currently Strategic Coach’s Entrepreneurial Team Strategist, and she has also been part of every single Couple’s Connection workshop since they started running them. I’m so excited to have her here on the show to chat with us about some of these really practical, yet unconventional business strategies - and how you can apply them in your love life. In this conversation, Shannon Waller and I discuss various new ways to approach yourself and your relationship: Continually innovate- Whether you yourself own a business or not, there are some critical tips from successful entrepreneurship that translate well into relationships. For example, there is a need, in business, and in relationships, to continually innovate. Without change and cycles of innovation it is all too easy to get stuck in problems, complacent, or bored- and it isn’t long until minds and hearts start to wander. In order to have the relationships we really want, we must continually work to strengthen the container of the relationship so that it becomes a source of growth, energy, and vibrancy. Without this investment of energy, partners will lose heart connection and may begin to substitute other things, including work, so that they feel less empty. The “GAP”:  The “Gap” is a key concept in helping us assess our sense of progress, and consequently our sense of competency. The “Gap” is that space between where we are now, and where our ideal is. We all hold ideals- ideals for our partner, our children, ourselves, the way the world should work, how our week should play out- and on and on. First, learn to distinguish helpful versus harmful ideals. A helpful ideal is one that is inspiring and makes you want to be a better person, it gives you energy and helps you set goals. A harmful ideal is one that is burdening, limiting, and leads to decreased energy, anxiety, and shame. All ideals however, can become burdening and limiting if we are not careful in how we relate to them. Think of ideals like the horizon- a mental construct to describe “where the earth meets the sky”, a definition that helps our brains come to grips with something that we can never actually experience or reach. Ideals are a similarly moving target. They are incredibly powerful and valuable in helping inspire and motivate us, and yet, we often misuse them. When we use our ideals to measure ourselves against, we run into problems. When we measure ourselves against this moving, amorphous, and inherently unattainable ideal, we can feel depressed, get frustrated, and often feel like a failure. There is an alternative! Instead of facing forward towards the future, turn around and take a look back at where you started from. Think of yourself standing on the front of a large boat staring at the looming horizon and wondering how long it will take, and how far you have gone, and now, imagine yourself walking to the stern of the boat and viewing the shore receding further and further away… When we measure ourselves against where we have come from, we gain a sense of progress, and begin to experience satisfaction, optimism, and loads of other great feelings. Going into the “Gap” is inevitable, but we always have a choice on how we measure ourselves and how long we stay stuck in there. STOP and CELEBRATE progress! We all have loads of ideals when it comes to our relationships- expectations for how our partner will act, what they will and won’t say, do, feel, how we will show up.... A lot of relationships get stuck in the Gap. It is important to refocus your attention together on progress that has been achieved. TRY THIS: List out 5 achievements you have experienced together, and celebrate these realizations! This positive focus will change how you feel on an everyday basis in your relationship. Find measurable goals in your relationship- Having ideals helps create a vision for what is possible in our relationships, and sets a direction to work towards. Remember however, to be careful in how you measure your relationship against these ideals. Along with looking backwards in order to move forwards, it is helpful to set measurable goals to track progress. We are all guilty of broad statements such as “I want our relationship to be better”, or something like “I want us to be having more sex”- but these are undefined and can quickly lead to guilt, shame, and/or disappointment. Instead, try to set mini and measurable goals- what can you do on date night? When can you set time aside for intimacy? How much time do you want to spend per week together without phones? Together discuss what is going to invigorate your relationship, and set measurable goals and intentions to follow through on. To help you create these measurable goals, it is helpful to ask yourself and your partner: “How will we know that we are in a better relationship?” This question points towards places that can be measured and tracked, which will then lead to that feeling of ‘better’.   Maybe it is time for a new time paradigm:  There is an entrepreneurial time system that can be applied to relationships, with great consequences. This system divides your time into 3 different types of days: Free Days: Free days are 24 hours (midnight-midnight) when you turn off, and tune in. You don’t check email, your phone, or do any work related activities. You spend this day rejuvenating and dedicating time to your personal life- you friends, your family, yourself, getting more sleep, getting more grounded…. Make them sacred- whatever this means to you. If you truly plan, protect, and follow through on these free days you will begin to breath again, and it will add oxygen to your relationships! Slipping relationships get solid again as you recenter into yourself. It is important that when planning your calendar, you pick these days FIRST. Buffer Days: This is the time to get your house in order, so to speak. Focus on all the details that are necessary to getting your life and work in order. Clean up your “messes”. The intention of buffer days is to do all that is necessary so that you can protect your free days and your focus days. Focus Days: Focus days are another 24 hours (midnight-midnight) in which you spend 80% of your time being productive and focusing on your money making ventures. These are your performance days. Your show days. Attend fully and without interruption. Network, be creative, use your expertise to solve problems and progress. Be creative in how this can be applied in YOUR relationship. How can you better manage your responsibilities and time so that you can enjoy dedicated and uninterrupted time with yourself and your loved one? Unique Ability- How much time do you spend thinking about ways you can be or get better? It is true that we all have ways we can be, do, feel better, however our assumption in our minds is that if we can always get better, than this must mean we aren’t very good right now. This ends up undercutting our own unique abilities. Our unique abilities are those qualities, skills, and gifts that are uniquely us. It is a combination of what you love to do (what is your passion? What fuels you?) and those things that you have superior skill at (what are you really good at?). This combination gives us an unending sense of that “I’m on fire” energy. Give yourself permission to not be perfect at everything and play to your strengths! We all have strengths and non-strengths, and the majority of our cultural conditioning has been based on finding what we are deficient at, and having a “fix what’s wrong” focus. We get this message that we need to work on our weaknesses, however if you work on your weaknesses for a very long time you get….very strong strong weaknesses! Invite yourself to start learning and discovering your strengths, and strengthening these! To do so, it is important to have some perspective, and humor around the expectation that you are supposed to be good at everything. Needless to say, it is not true, nor is it possible- we all have cards that we can play all the time, and other cards that we simply don’t have in our deck. Think of your life and all your responsibilities, roles, and activities, and now try to begin recategorizing these into the following categories: Competent activities- those activities in which you reach the minimum standard. You are okay at this. Excellent activities- these are the activities in which you have superior skill. Other people give you a lot of feedback on this, but inside you are sometimes bored… Unique ability activities- Then there are a small subset of activities in which you have fun, you have the most learning, and you have the most to contribute. This is hopefully connected to how you make money. It goes with you everywhere, and is core to what brings you fulfillment. These are natural to you, and ELF: easy, lucrative, and fun. Give yourself permission to use this unique ability!  Return on energy is profoundly better when we invest in our strengths!! Exercise: You can do this alone, or in tandem with your partner. Take some time to get to know your strengths- either by complete a strengths finder assessment tool (see resource list) or by simply sitting down and making a list of what you are really good at. Assessment tools are helpful in that they identify what motivates you, and what your natural leanings are- without all the self-judgement that comes along with self-evaluating. Now make a full list of all that is required to maintain your life. If you are doing this with a partner- make your lists separately and then match them up. Once this is completed begin to look at what is required compared to what your strengths are. The gaps provide opportunities to become RESOURCEFUL. Prioritize what you enjoy doing, and set up the environment and the resources to do this. For those necessary activities and responsibilities that you are not as inclined towards, get creative- delegate, hire out, barter, etc. This requires that you give yourself permission to not do everything, to be okay with where you are at, and to have a sense of humor. NOTE: The Kolbe profile can be a major catalyst in helping clear out some stuck patterning in your relationship. It helps put language to that amorphous “us” by revealing your uniqueness. Use it to help you and your partner find out how you each problem solve, where you work together, and potential areas of conflict. In effect it helps you see what is happening backstage- all those dynamics that end up influencing how we show up in our lives and in our loves. 4 C’s Growth Formula: Intimacy can be scary. Exposing yourself can be scary. Sharing can be scary. The 4 C’s growth formula helps conceptualize the process of becoming confident BY becoming vulnerable. Intentional growth begins when we make a COMMITMENT.  Once you are past the honeymoon stage, and ready to start creating a safe container where you can really experience the full potential for aliveness and growth-- you begin to shift towards learning to sustain an arc of growth and commitment. After you have made the commitment- that YES to someone, you enter into the COURAGE phase. This is when you have made a commitment to something that is bigger than you are, and often to something to which you are not totally prepared for. You throw yourself off a cliff and need to learn how to fly. The only way to get to that more comfortable sense of capability and confidence, you have to go through the courage phase. If someone is only half committed, the courage phase takes a really long time, and in truth you never really quite get there. But when you fully jump in and take the risk of committing, you learn, you innovate, you create, you build relationship muscles, and then you put into place the CAPABILITIES, and these lead to a whole new sense of CONFIDENCE.    COMMITMENT ⇢ COURAGE ⇢ CAPABILITY⇢  CONFIDENCE        ⇡  ⇠   ⇠   ⇠  ⇠  ⇠   ⇠   ⇠   ⇠   ⇠   ⇠   ⇠  ↵ We all know this cycle- and we go through it often. The more often we go through it the more capabilities we build, and therefore the more confidence we have, which then leads us to being able to make bigger and bolder commitments! You can’t just rest in capability in confidence- this leads to stagnation and stuckness. Instead be willing to make greater commitments as this will give you the determination necessary to enter into the courage phase in which we begin to become the people and the partners we want to be! Be self determining- The world can be challenging and powerful, and often there are many external pressures on our relationships that must be contended with. A strengths based approach is not blind to these, but rather requires a willingness and a strength to look directly at these difficulties. Find constructive language with your partner to share your fears, vulnerabilities, and worries in order to be conscious and intentional together about how you want to approach these challenges. This verbal acknowledgement and navigation does not have to be heavy handed- take the conversation with you on date night! Have fun, and find intimacy, in finding words together that will help you be more self-determining in how you lead your lives and your relationship. Lastly, KNOW THYSELF- Use assessment tools, inventories, strengths finders, conversation, introspection, reflection, creativity, or any other means to help you find your unique abilities and that idiosyncratic YOU. Then, find ways to actually honor who you are so that you can become more fully you. The best relationships involve a dynamic in which what makes one partner come to life, then brings their partner to life. This leads to mutual excitement, passion, and ever evolving growth. Resources For more information about Shannon Waller’s work see strategiccoach.com Unique Ability 2.0 on Amazon For more on the 4 C’s breakthrough process, read here Click here to go to the Kolbe website and take the Kolbe-A index to help find your natural abilities Visit the Gallup Strengths Center where you can complete the Clifton Strengthsfinder www.neilsattin.com/strategic Visit to download the show guide, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the show guide to this episode with Shannon Waller and qualify to win a copy of Unique Ability 2.0 Our Relationship Alive Community on Facebook Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out!

The True Power of Sexuality - Part 2 What happens when Sex gets stuck in the Mind? Look around … The Path to fulfilling sexuality does not come from performance or pleasing For everybody, who loves Sex …. Tune in & listen

The True Power of Sexuality - Part 1 What happens when Sex gets stuck in the Mind? Look around … The Path to fulfilling sexuality does not come from performance or pleasing For everybody, who loves Sex …. Tune in & listen

Does it seem that love comes and then goes away? Do you have the experience of being deeply in love with your partner one moment, and then the next moment feeling separate, or distant, or even carried away in a cloud of emotion? Well, we’re about to change all of that. Today we have part two of our conversation with Diana Richardson. In particular, we are going to focus on how to always “get back to love” in your relationship - a topic in all of her books - and the focus of her book “Tantric Love: Feeling vs. Emotion”. If you heard part one (which was episode number two of Relationship Alive, and focused on her approach to tantra), then you know that she is one of the leading sex educators in the world. For more than 20 years she has been teaching about slow sex - a kind of cool sex that will completely transform how you experience yourself, and your partner, as a sexual and sensual being. She has written more than 6 books on Tantra, is the producer of the award-winning movie “Slow Sex”, and people travel from all around the world to take the Making Love seminars that she teaches with her partner Michael in Switzerland. You can check out her website, livinglove.com. Be prepared to learn a new way to experience your emotions, and a practical guide to always get back to love with your partner (and within yourself). Diana reveals that this material, her work, was born out of her own journey and experiences.  She never expected or intended to write books and teach people, but obtained a completely new picture of sex through her lifetime with new insights and understandings.  The principles she shares developed organically, through awareness and observation. Her desire is to help others discover how their bodies are designed to connect in certain ways and clear up much of the misunderstanding surrounding sex in our world today.  “If one trusts the body and goes in with an inquiring, adventurous spirit, then all the answers will come to you.” My conversation with Diana focuses on the following aspects of sex and relationships:   Flashing back to Part 1 of our conversation, Diana reiterates that when sexual energy is focused solely on the achievement or orgasm, then we miss the deeper levels of connection and awareness.  Focusing on orgasm is pleasurable, but superficial.  “There is a lot that can be engaged in and enjoyed while orgasm is hours down the road.”   “Cool sex” or “slow sex” is a different way of having sex in which you are present and aware of your energy and your partner’s energy.  This kind of sex can be a vehicle for healing whereas the sensational style of sex leaves us with tension and brings isolation and separation from our partner Diana explains the difference between feelings and emotions.  Feeling relates to what is happening NOW while emotion relates to something that happened in THE PAST.  Feelings stay in the system and become emotions. Therefore, emotions are basically unexpressed feelings.   Why do we need to know the difference between feelings and emotions?  Fights between couples are often the result of something not happening in the present but the past.  Unexpressed feelings go sour in the system, lead to immediate disconnection, and become toxic—pure poison.  This toxicity often makes us want to seek revenge, and we spread the toxins around in our environment rather than deal with the underlying emotions. How can we deal with emotions as they occur?  Identify when you are emotional and then sort the emotions out separately.  Learn to allow the feelings when they are present; don’t push them down and repress them.  Emotions are an aspect of the past being triggered in the present by a word, a deed, or a resonance in your partner’s voice. Being emotional is not wrong, but not knowing when we’re emotional is wrong.  We often access old tension in a state of fear when what we long for most is really love.  We blame each other and are not able to look each other in the eyes.  We say, “I’m right, and you’re wrong,” or “You always . . .” or “You never . . .” All of these reactions spring from some kind of fear and allow the past to impact and destroy the present. What are steps you can take to handle emotion properly? Notice your emotions. Admit your emotions.  “I am being emotional.” Depart from your partner’s company, politely, and do something physical with your body to expend the emotional energy. The danger in not separating for a short time is that the other partner will be tempted to become emotional, too. Diana shares two “Golden Rules” from her book: Never tell your partner that they are emotional. Never put your anger on your partner.  Let it flow through, but don’t repress it or it will become a toxic emotion. What can I do if my partner becomes emotional?  Don’t join in.  Understand that their emotion is coming from a past feeling.  Abandonment is one of the oldest and most common wounds from childhood.  It is easily triggered, so be aware that many emotions have their roots in some type of fear of abandonment.  Don’t engage with your partner’s emotion, but be present and supportive.  Make an attempt to come across with love as a way to shed light on the darkness they are feeling.  In fear, we contract, doubt, and feel lonely.  In love, we expand, trust, and feel connected.  Be generous with love and seek to cultivate it in your relationship.  AWARENESS is the key and has transforming power.  It’s not WHAT we do, but HOW we do it. What can you do to cultivate the quality of love?  Simply move through life with more awareness.  Look for ways to soften tension and breathe.  Appreciate yourself and the beauty of life, and practice self-love.  Look for optimism and grace in the way you breathe, walk, and talk How do I start having sex with this new awareness?  Be more aware and don’t build up the sensations.  Prolong the whole thing and become more present.  Sex can become much more fulfilling and a more loving, conscious act.  More harmony and love are created in the relationship when this new awareness and consciousness are practiced. Links and Resources: www.livinglove.com  (Diana’s website with links to her books, seminars, and retreats.) The Heart of Tantric Sex by Diana Richardson Tantric Love Letters by Diana Richardson Tantric Love: Feeling vs. Emotion: Golden Rules to Make Love Easy by Diana Richardson and Michael Richardson www.neilsattin.com/tantra2  is the direct link to this episode. Visit to download the show guide, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the show guide. If you download the guide within the first week of this episode's airing, you are automatically qualified for a chance to win a signed copy of “Tantric Love: Feeling vs. Emotion”! Our Relationship Alive Community on Facebook Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out!

My philosophy is that relationships not only CAN be a vehicle for your own healing, but that it’s actually REQUIRED to do your work to heal from whatever is keeping you from fully showing up - in your life, in your relationship, AND in the bedroom. And just like we touched on in our conversation with Diana Richardson way back in episode two - there is tremendous potential for you, when you’re in relationship, to help your partner on that journey of healing - especially sexual healing.   Today’s guest is Wendy Maltz, author of The Sexual Healing Journey. Her book is about how to recover from sexual trauma and deepen your capacity for intimacy and sexual pleasure. In this episode, we’re talking about how you can take on that legacy of pain and potential disconnect - and use it to build a more solid, loving, sensual, and, yes, sexual connection with your partner.    There are all kinds of things that could have an impact on your sexual development, cause some degree of trauma, and be an obstacle to true intimacy with your partner. So even if you haven’t been specifically affected by some form of assault or abuse, this conversation is for you to find opportunities for your own sexual growth and healing.   If you HAVE been affected by some form of sexual trauma - this conversation could potentially be a trigger for you. My goal through having Wendy on the program is to help you and your partner get through the triggers together, to a place where you can have deep intimacy, connection, and the kind of fulfilling sex life that is your birthright.   Wendy Maltz is an internationally-recognized author, psychotherapist, and a certified sex therapist with over 35 years’ experience.  Along with The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse, which is the topic of our discussion today, she also has written The Porn Trap: The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography, which also factors into our discussion.  Wendy is the co-producer of Relearning Touch, a highly-acclaimed video guide for couples who are healing intimate problems caused by sexual abuse - and which is now available for FREE on her website.  Along with her husband, Larry, Wendy runs Maltz Counseling Associates in Eugene, OR. Here are some of the highlights from the conversation that Wendy and I share about how to develop healthy, deep intimacy with your partner as part of the sexual healing journey that you can be on together: Assault, rape, abuse, and incest affect both men and women directly and indirectly.  Statistics show that 1 in 3 females and 1 in 5-7 males are sexually abused in their lifetime.  When you include the partners of those people, you start to see that this is an issue that affects many, if not most, of us in some way. Are you yourself a survivor? If not, how many people have you been with, or known, who have been? What is sexual abuse?  Wendy defines it broadly as any action that dominates or exploits an innocent victim by sexual activity or suggestion.   When you also look back at your own sexual development, you can often find places where you experienced trauma of some form. Someone laughed at you at the wrong moment, or you experienced shame, or embarrassment, or...any number of things could be the source of sexual “trauma.” Can you identify places in your own history that might need some attention? What are some common relationship problems that can be traced back to sexual abuse?  Wendy says that reactions to abuse can include: fear of sex/withdrawal, viewing sex as an obligation, guilt or shame in touching, sexual function problems, low sex drive, painful intercourse, intrusive sexual fantasies, and dissociation during sex. It can also include hyper-sexualization - becoming overly interested in sexual activity. Realize that there is a distinction between sex and intimacy. As you expand into a broader experience of intimacy and connection with your partner, it can help put sex in a context that eases some of the pressure. This also helps to create a container of safety, which will lead to more sex, and more fulfilling sex. What feeds a relationship over time is the sensual sharing that takes place during true intimacy. What if your partner is a survivor of past abuse?  What can you do to help?  It helps if you, as the partner of a survivor, could be educated about abuse and its repercussions. It’s normal for you to feel in the dark, or isolated. If your sex life is suffering, traditional approaches for “spicing things up” can actually trigger your partner (perhaps you’ve experienced that?). Don’t look at your problem as one of needing to spark more desire - see it as a path towards building a container that’s safe enough for you to explore together. This isn’t to say that, if you’re the partner of someone who has suffered sexual trauma, that you should deny your own desires. Learning how to communicate about your desire in a way that owns it and does not make it your partner’s “problem” can lead to productive conversations about how to meet each other sexually. This might also be an opportunity for you to look back on your sexual development and think about whether what you “desire” is what you actually want! Are you looking for an enormous hit of dopamine, or are you looking for ways to build intimacy with your partner? And if it’s dopamine - while it may feel good, in the moment - is it actually serving you in terms of what you want out of your life and your partnership? Partners should be aware, be conscious, take a team approach together, create safety in sex, communicate, be present, and explore new approaches to touch and intimacy. If something isn’t working - don’t do it! Instead, shift to a mindset of working together to get through it. What if the survivor reacts negatively to sexual intimacy via triggers of past abuse?  The most important thing is for the partner not to take it personally, but focus on doing the OPPOSITE of what a perpetrator might do.  Ask how the other person feels, check in with their feelings, and have compassion and understanding. Is there hope?  Will you ever be able to experience sexuality and intimacy freely together? Absolutely. You can stop behavior that triggers negative feelings, work as a team, change behaviors, process feelings together, and make sex safe and fun.  Above all, realize that love is stronger than sexual abuse. What can a survivor do when they are being triggered to remember the abuse of the past?  The first step is to simply notice that it’s happening, stop what you’re doing, be aware of the reaction, and identify what behavior caused the reaction.  Use this as an opportunity to relax. Breathe, be calm, take a break. Talk about it with your partner if possible, and don’t condemn yourself for being triggered. Putting pressure on yourself to do it “right” is counterproductive! Get in touch with the present. How old are you now? What are you experiencing in THIS moment, with your partner (or yourself). Do what you need to do to pull yourself back into the present moment. After getting back into the present, you can re-approach intimacy. Try a different approach than what caused the trigger moment. How can you anchor each other in the present, in your experience with each other? Definitely check out Wendy Maltz’s Relearning Touch video which is now available for FREE on her website. The video teaches touch exercises that develop skills to relax, communicate, and be present in the moment.  The exercises can be done with or without clothes, and can be used as ideas from which to create your own healing with positive displays of fun and playfulness. These exercises are also detailed in her book The Sexual Healing Journey.   The exercises create a continuum of touch to move slowly toward more sexual activities as they are sequential in intensity, and will lead to completely different associations with sex and sensual contact.  One idea that can be helpful is to agree with your partner to an initial “vacation” - meaning a period of time when you agree that you will NOT be having sex. Having a vacation actually allows you to explore other ways of being intimate and connected with each other (it’s not a connection vacation!) - without having any pressure around having sex. Once the pressure is off, you can discover more subtleties about how to develop your intimate connection with each other. Another helpful technique is to each find a “home base” on your partner’s body, a place that you can touch that can help you feel safe and comforted when triggers bring up past abuse, or when your partner is triggered and you want to communicate your safe presence to them. Visiting the home base on your partner’s body is a way to let them know that you’re going through something and that you need reassurance, safety, and connection from them - allowing you to be in an uncomfortable place without breaking your connection completely during those moments.    On pornography: Pornography that is readily available to children (via the internet) interferes with their normal sexual development.  Children should be allowed to “unfold” their sexuality in a way that corresponds to their maturity level, and many are denied that opportunity because of graphic pornography. Many adults and children are having their view of sexuality potentially formed by their interactions with pornography, versus developing from being present in real-life interactions with partners over time. What is considered a “healthy” exploration of sexuality as children mature?  Boys and girls are naturally curious but should be ready and in control of their sexuality.  They should also be mature enough to know the consequences of their sexual choices.   What is the impact of pornography on relationships?  Many people consider it harmless entertainment, but the repercussions are great.  Porn shows people being used as objects, shows sex as a form of power, and often displays a total lack of intimacy.  Also, about 20% of internet porn involves child sexual abuse - or the simulation of underage sex.  Often, porn is the first exposure young people have with their sexuality, and therefore, they don’t learn the needed relationship skills of self-control, intimacy, and rich connection with a partner.  Porn is like fast food that dulls our appetite for better, creative, healthy food, and can potentially be an obstacle to the enjoyment of a rich, satisfying, nurturing, sexual relationship based on love. It can focus our sexual drive on chasing bigger and bigger hits of dopamine, instead of fostering deeper and deeper intimacy. Those are different mechanisms in the brain, and those choices also have different impacts on a relationship.   Wendy concludes by saying, “Those negatives about being sexually abused don’t have to be the last word on sex for us.  We CAN reclaim sexuality.” Links and Resources: www.healthysex.com  (Wendy’s website with links to resources) The Sexual Healing Journey on Amazon www.neilsattin.com/wendy  is the direct link to this episode. Visit to download the show guide, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the show guide. If you download the guide within the first week of this episode's airing, you are automatically qualified for a chance to win a signed copy of “The Sexual Healing Journey”! Our Relationship Alive Community on Facebook   Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out!

In this Episode we talk to guest Diana Richardson103| Human Sexual Evolution: Leaving Orgasms Behind to Explore Orgasmic Experience - Diana Richardson.Link: https://www.datingskillsreview.com/ep-103-human-sexual-evolution-diana-richardson/

Welcome to Episode 2!  Here is today’s question:  How’s your SEX LIFE?  Is it giving you the kind of connection with your partner that you want?  My guest today is Diana Richardson, a leading sex educator with over 20 years’ experience in teaching about “slow sex.”  She has authored several books on the subject of Tantra and how to develop deep intimacy with your partner, and she teaches numerous workshops in Switzerland with her partner, Michael.  Her teaching is completely transformative and focuses on how to radically shift your thinking about sex and sensuality.  You WILL learn something new from Diana!  Join us! Diana discusses the following topics: Tantric sex is about awareness, connection, and containing and sustaining sexual energy.  It’s about being in awareness during sex, instead of “striving to reach the end moment.” Conventional sex typically doesn’t give women the time they need to “be ready.” Ultimately this creates sexual problems in a relationship - the BODY will actually lose interest and close down. However, in slow sex, you work with what naturally allows a woman's body to be open to sex. Conventional sex disregards the natural polarity (positive pole/receptive pole) of the male and female bodies. Do you know where the energy center is for your partner? It might not be what you think. For a woman, her positive sexual pole is actually in the breasts - not the clitoris! Focus attention there to help a woman open to the flow of sexual energy. As a woman, can you experience your breasts from within? This isn't about "stimulating" the breasts - it's more about melting into them, sending warmth through them. This is something you can do at any time of the day! Conventional sex overrides the potential for sexual energy transmission between male and female.  (Hint: the “electric current” metaphor will help make this clearer.) You want to be in the flow - not building up tension only to discharge it. Conventional sex is full of tension and pressure—and sometimes even trauma--for both males and females. Try not to focus on EXCITEMENT - which actually creates tension in the body. Instead, focus on relaxing into the moment with each other. How do you actually FEEL after you have sex with your partner? As you switch to the slow sex approach, notice how that changes...how does it feel to have had an orgasm - vs. how does it feel if you shift to non-orgasmic sex, instead focusing on the sensations that you experience with your partner. When you have non-orgasmic sex, what kind of energy do you carry within you during your day? How does it affect the way you feel towards your partner during the time after? Is sex a source of conflict for you with your partner, in terms of levels of desire, or timing of sex? Make a date (or an appointment) to make love with your partner. And take the TIME that you need to truly connect with each other. Tantric sex teaches you to have understanding, feeling, communication, and being “present” in the moment with your partner. Fall back into yourself - your body, your awareness, your breathing, your sensation - and that opens you up to something happening between the bodies. Learn how to transform your sexual practice into a journey that's not about having orgasms - that's actually about diving more and more deeply into the feeling that you have with each other. Feel what is present within you during sex. Sex should more than a mechanical process, but should be deeply healing and cleansing. If you slow down and focus on awareness, you will sensitize yourself to the more subtle flow of what's happening between you and your partner. The more mechanical your sex, the more you're desensitizing yourself to that dynamic flow. Tantric sex can revitalize a tired and boring relationship.  It’s constantly generative and expansive as it deepens and changes. You are pulling yourself off of the continuum of tension - and discharge - and instead putting yourself onto a continuum that allows you to create deeper connectedness with your partner. Even more amazing tidbits in this episode - please listen to experience the magic that is the teaching of Diana Richardson! Are you intrigued and wanting to explore further? The good news is that there will be a Part 2 to this interview, so you can look forward to even MORE information from Diana.  Links and Resources: www.livinglove.com  (Diana’s website) Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation - by Diana and Michael Richardson The Heart of Tantric Sex - by Diana Richardson Text PASSION to 33444 to download the pdf version of this episode guide. If you download the guide within the first week of this episode's airing, you are automatically qualified for a chance to win a signed copy of "Tantric Sex for Men" from Diana Richardson. Our Relationship Alive Community on Facebook www.neilsattin.com/tantra   (My website has links to Diana and her work.)   Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out!

Join us tonight for Relationship Tuesday as we discuss Tantric Sex and the Eastern Views on intimacy. We will also be reviewing a book called Heart of Tantric Sex by Diana Richardson. Does the Western Culture still have a lot to learn about sex? Eastern views on sexual intimacy go far and beyond the physical and lustful views of modern sexuality. Tantra delves into the spiritual side of sex, and analyzes what is really possible when 2 people become one. Can we reach into our personal divine like being through sex? We will discuss this and  more. Join us Tuesday for a deep look at sex and its true nature and potential. As always we also discuss the weekly review on Sports, Entertainment and Politics. The call in to talk to the Hosts is 347-637-3010. Real Talk All The Time. 100% Real, unpolished and unrehearsed. REAL TALK FOR REAL PEOPLE!!