Couplehood

“Let this be your permission to go inwards and listen to the answers that are already within you.” —  Allison Villa Hello dear friends - some bittersweet news to share… This will be the final episode of the Couplehood podcast. (I may return once again or re-direct my energy into other projects...we shall see!) After much reflection, I've decided to take a pause on many aspects of my work life. In this episode, I share why I've come to this decision, the passage that inspired me to go inwards, as well as some reflection questions to help you reflect on your own journey. Over the past 20 months, my work as a psychotherapist has given me great purpose. Supporting my clients through mental health challenges has been a great privilege.On a personal level, this past year and a half has brought a lot of personal change. Our family moved from Toronto, where we lived for 20 years, and are now living 2 hours north, in the countryside. The home that we've been building for the past year, will be ready for us to move into in January. I want to be intentional with finding our flow as a family in this new space. In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌Why Allison is taking a pause on recording new episodesThe passage that inspired this changeThe balance between “doing” and “being”Reflection questions for youThank you for being on this Couplehood journey with me! Stay in touch by joining my email list - this is the best way to stay in touch, as I won't be on social media very much moving forward.This is not a goodbye - it's “see you soon”!Big Love,Allison“Children have the most beautiful way of both being and doing. They are able to run with the wind. Let them be your greatest teachers and guides along this journey.”—  Allison VillaLinks:‌ ‌Quiz: What's Your Relationship Season? [join my email list here]https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/5f984bffa2c7af0014e9a0b7 Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“The day to day moments are just as meaningful as the date nights you have.”—  Allison VillaHow do we show love every day, when family life is so full-on?I get this question a lot.This is why I created the Love.Every.Day. series every Tuesday on Instagram...and now, also on the podcast!Love.Every.Day tips are simple yet powerful ways to show your love to each other.If you've been around for a while, you'll know how much I advocate showing your kids what a loving relationship looks like, because how you love each other today lives on for generations.Let's continue to build an army of parents who are creating honest + sustainable relationships.These tips are a gentle reminder that on those busy family days, it's still possible to show your kids what love looks like in action.In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌How Love.Every.Day. impacts your kidsWhy showing your love everyday is so importantSome tips to help you get started showing and receiving Love.Every.Day.“Children want to feel purposeful and they like having a sense of responsibility, like they are part of the team. So let them.—  Allison Villa ‌Highlights:‌ ‌00:38  Setting an example of love01:40  Get some sleep03:00  Be playful04:03  Create a centerpiece05:30 Play games06:28  Meal plan together!09:40  Recap ‌Links:‌ ‌Quiz: What's Your Relationship Season?https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/5f984bffa2c7af0014e9a0b7 Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“The best measure of your parenting is your child's happiness.”—  Allison VillaHave you ever stopped to think about what lessons you have learned in parenthood? Recently, I've celebrated a huge milestone in my life; 10 years of motherhood. In today's episode of Couplehood, I took some time to reflect on what I've learned in my 10 years of parenting and what I would tell myself 10 years ago when I began my motherhood journey. As you listen, I encourage you to reflect on your own parenting journey and write down the lessons that you've learned along the way.I find it helpful to find compassion for my younger self, as a new mother, and I hope that you share that grace with yourself as well.In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌What the true measure of your parenting isHow your childhood plays a role in your children's childhoodWhat to do when you make a mistake as a parentHow important your relationships with your partner and your friends are in your parenthood journey “Our children are our mirrors and they reflect our own inner-child wounds that may still need healing. Let your children be your guide to keep going inwards and understanding yourself.”—  Allison Villa ‌Highlights:‌ ‌01:36  You can't get an A in parenting 02:57  Repair ruptures 03:50  Make time for yourself04:38  Grief and growth 05:10  Make your own choices05:55  Your children's childhood is their's07:46  Prioritize your couple08:40  Friendships will change09:30  Vacation10:54  Change direction  ‌Links:‌ ‌Quiz: What's Your Relationship Season?Work With MeFollow Me on InstagramPlease remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“A Blessing Way is traditionally when multi-generations come together to celebrate & support the mother-to-be before baby's arrival.”—  Allison VillaToday's episode of the Couplehood podcast is for those of you that are expecting, or have someone in your life that's expecting. We're going to cover the difference between a Baby Shower and a Blessing Way.If you've never heard of a Blessing Way - don't worry - I'm going to fill you in!I recently hosted a Blessing Way that had a unique twist from the traditional ceremony. This one celebrated both the mother and father-to-be - such a beautiful way to honour and support their couple as they transition into parenthood.  A great reminder that you can design a Baby Shower or Blessing Way, in whatever way is right for you, your family, and your community.In this episode, I provide you with some ideas that you can use in planning your own Blessing Way, and simple touches to personalize it to your needs. In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌What is a Blessing Way Ideas &  details about the ceremonyHow you can host your own“In the circle, you are  accessing your heritage and the generations that live within you.”—  Allison Villa ‌Highlights:‌ ‌00:23  The Couplehood Podcast01:10  What is a baby shower?02:27  What is a blessing way?05:17  Ideas for your blessing way07:10  Guests09:30 Affirming words10:00  Lighting candles 12:47  Recap ‌Links:‌ ‌ ‌Work With Me:Follow Me on InstagramPlease remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“I want our kids to see the support we give each other. You can have differences, but still be loving and supportive of each other.”—  SarahToday's episode is part of my limited Sandbox Spotlight series, which features interviews with real-life couples talking about their real-life experiences navigating the 4 Relationship Seasons, developing better communication skills, and deepening their connection.If you haven't listened to my episodes on the Relationship Seasons, I recommend you check them out first!My guests for this episode are Sarah and Steve. They have been together for 14 years and have 4 children, ages 9, 7, 4, and 2.Sarah and Steve are currently in the Coping Season (or Connected Season, depending on who took the quiz!). Over the past year they have had multiple external factors pulling their time and energy,  including home renovations, a  life-changing bicycle accident, and Steve's new work as a freelancer, just to name a few.With so many life events happening all at once, it's naturally been difficult to carve out the time needed to focus on themselves as a couple. Having awareness around the Relationship Seasons and using the tools they learned through Couple's Sandbox has helped them remember that seasons ebb and flow and the Coping Season doesn't last forever. In our conversation, Sarah and Steve share how they moved past their initial hesitations around joining Sandbox (group calls can seem scary!), and how they now look forward to connecting with the other couples in the community. It has been a source of relatable connection and normalizes the challenges that every couple goes through, plus it prompts meaningful conversation with each other!In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌How Sarah and Steve say that awareness around the Relationship Seasons has helped themWhy being the Couple Sandbox community is so important How modelling and normalizing struggles that all couples benefit your whole family“You have to be at ease with yourself before you can be at ease with each other.”—  Steve ‌Highlights:‌ ‌00:24  The Sandbox Spotlight01:50  Sarah and Steve33:00  Gratitude ‌Links:‌ ‌ ‌Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“You don't need to know how it's going to unfold. You just need to take the first step.” — Allison Villa In this episode we are continuing the Couple's Sandbox Spotlight Series, but for this special episode, I invited my husband Arjan to join me! We share some insight into where our relationship is today. If you're a couple that has experienced a significant lifestyle change this year like a move to a new location, switching to homeschooling, or completing a reno, then this episode is for you. Arjan shares that in the past year we've had a lot of external factors that have impacted our relationship, including homeschooling our two daughters, ages 7 and 9, renovating our River House, and the day-to-day struggles which (let's be honest) often take precedence over our relationship. These lifestyle shifts take a lot of time and energy, and add greatly to our mental load as a couple. We were both surprised by our results from the Relationship Season quiz. We each took the quiz separately and the results gave us a lot to talk about! In this interview, Arjan and I talk about some of the challenges we've had recently, and how our foundation of self-care, communication, and trust, has helped us move through those challenges together. In this episode of Couplehood, you'll discover: ● How a strong foundation can keep you connected as a couple, even in times of change ● The importance of your relationship within your family unit - remembering that what happens within your couple filters down to your kids ● How self-compassion can bring more patience to everyone in your life “When you have the foundations of emotional trust and solid communication, you can still feel deeply connected as a couple despite going through hard things. ” — Allison Villa Highlights: 00:40 Meet Arjan 02:46 What relationship season are we in? 04:51 The importance of couple time 06:51 Being in limbo 07:30 Connected 10:00 The learning curve 14:44 Practicing words of affirmation 18:10 Letting go of control 19:28 Finding self compassion 20:03 Keeping our vision in mind22:20 Gratitude Links: Work With Me Follow Me on Instagram Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“I'm all about small steps that have a big impact.” — Allison If you're a couple that's in the Coping Season, this episode is for you! We'll be exploring how couples deal with relationship stresses and learn how to communicate more effectively. This episode is part of my limited Sandbox Spotlight series, which features interviews with real-life couples talking about their real-life experiences moving through the 4 Relationship Seasons. It's honest, raw, and a reminder that we all go through ups and downs! My guests for this episode are Alina and Mario, who have been together for over 11 years and are raising their 3-year-old daughter. Alina and Mario were in the Coasting/Connecting Season before COVID, and have been in the Coping Season ever since. The reality of the pandemic has impacted many couples and families, and I'm grateful that Alina & Mario share their experience with such honesty and courage. Joining Couple's Sandbox has helped them learn to connect through the challenges, and to find compassion for each other along the journey. In this interview, we talk about how Alina & Mario have been able to keep empathy in their relationship by consistently expressing what they need, and how they feel during the Coping Season. In this episode of Couplehood, you'll discover: ● How to have empathy during the Coping Season ● The importance of small shifts in nurturing your relationship ● How being open-minded with your partner leads to a shared vision Note: If you haven't listened to my episodes on the 4 Relationship Seasons, I recommend you check them out first. This will help you to understand your own season, and also help you to connect more deeply when we refer to the seasons in our podcast conversations. “It's just important to take steps, the path will unveil itself along the way” — Mario Highlights: 00:35 About Couple's Sandbox 02:33 Meet Alina and Mario 06:32 Anxiety through Covid 12:51 Our relationship needed TLC 13:37 Excited to join Sandbox 14:42 Light at the end of the tunnel 15:08 Community creates hope 16:12 Small takeaways bring big perspective shifts 17:16 Love languages 19:45 Moving through the seasons 23:03 Gratitude26:59 Should you join Couple's Sandbox? Links: Join us in Couple's Sandbox Work With Me Follow Me on Instagram Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“How you love each other today lives on through your children and in generations to come.” — Allison Villa In this week's episodes of the Couplehood podcast, we are bringing back the Sandbox Spotlight series, a limited series featuring interviews with real-life couples talking about their real-life experiences! In the series, we're going to talk about their challenges, their joys, and how they successfully navigate The 4 Relationship Seasons. My guests for this episode are Britt and Nick, who have been together for 6 years and are the parents of a 3-year-old and a 4-month-old. Britt and Nick came to me through my Couple's Tune-Up program. After their tune-up, they joined the Couple's Sandbox community to maintain consistency and keep their relationship a priority. Learning about The 4 Relationship Seasons helped Britt and Nick's mindset as they welcomed their second child into the world. They were able to stay one season ahead this time! Now, at four months postpartum, they are leaving the Coasting Season and entering the Connected Season. Britt shares that reintroducing all the exercises they've learned in Couple's Sandbox is what has propelled them forward. Joining Couple's Tune-Up and Couple's Sandbox helped them create a vision together that felt aligned for them both. It also made Britt and Nick feel better prepared this time around (as they welcomed their second child). In this interview, they look back on what they've learned, how they use it, and the impact it's had on their relationship! In this episode of Couplehood, you'll discover: ● How to create your vision as a couple ● Steps to help you bring that vision to life ● A sneak peek into how my Couples Sandbox community works — and how it can fit into your busy schedule! “I'm all about small steps having a big impact.” — Allison Villa 

Please enjoy this replay episode of number 18!“Before the pandemic, I was a completely different person.”—  CeciliaIf you're a couple that's had a major lifestyle change during the pandemic, this will be a useful episode for you!This is the second episode of my limited Sandbox Spotlight series, which features interviews with real-life couples talking about their real-life experiences moving through the relationship seasons with total honesty.If you haven't listened to my episodes on the relationship seasons, I recommend you check them out first!In this series, we explore how couples deal with relationship stresses and learn how to communicate more effectively.My guests for this episode are Cecilia and Joey, who have been together for over 8 years and are raising three children between the ages of four and eight.Cecilia and Joey were in the Coping season when they first joined Couple's Sandbox a few months ago. Now, the pair are enjoying the Connected season, and on the verge of Confident.In this interview, we talk about how the couple have kept their focus on their relationship through major lifestyle changes and overcoming bad habits… and have come out stronger than ever!I would love to have you join us in the Couple's Sandbox —  the cart will be open from May 4 to May 9, 2021 and you can find the link below! In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌How to capture that amazing ‘date night' feeling in your day-to-day life The importance of listening to yourself and identifying the aspects of your life that you need to change in order to find balance and harmony How to recognize when your habits aren't serving you or your relationship“You can see the kids are happier, because they see that we're happier.”—  JoeyHighlights:‌ ‌00:23  About Couple's Sandbox03:44  Meet Cecilia and Joey06:19  Connecting day-to-day07:33  Significant lifestyle changes09:12  Listen to yourself11:54  Consider the impacts 13:07  Evaluate your habits16:05  How the seasons & the Sandbox help19:24  Moving into the Confident season21:54  GratitudeLinks:‌ ‌ ‌Join us in the Couple's Sandbox. The cart is open from May 4 to May 9, 2021. https://www.allisonvilla.com/couples-sandbox Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

Please enjoy this replay of episode 17!“It's not easy to parent if you're not on the same wavelength.”—  JakeWelcome to the first episode of the Sandbox Spotlight series, a limited series featuring interviews with real-life couples talking about their real-life experiences! In the series, we're going to talk about their challenges, their joys, and how they successfully navigate the four relationship seasons.If you haven't listened to my episodes on the relationship seasons, I recommend you check them out first!My guests for this episode are Mel and Jake, founding members of my online community the Couples Sandbox. Mel and Jake have been together for 17 years and are the parents of two toddlers. Mel and Jake came to me for couples counselling when they were in the Coping season — they were relieved to learn that the Coping season was temporary and to learn tools and strategize to manage the issues that came up during that season. Learning about the relationship seasons helped Mel and Jake understand the ways that external factors impact their relationship and how they can work together as a team to manage them with kindness and empathy. Joining Couple's Tune-Up and Couple's Sandbox helped them move from the Coping season to the Coasting season and then into the Connected season. In this interview, they look back on what they've learned, how they use it, and the impact it's had on their relationship!In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌How relationship tools can not only strengthen your relationship with your spouse, but also your entire family unit Why it's so important to hear other couples talk about the challenges they face and how they overcome themA sneak peek into how my Couples Sandbox community works — and how it can fit into your busy schedule!“I feel like we're closer than we've ever been, in many ways.”—  Mel ‌Highlights:‌ ‌00:29  The Sandbox Spotlight01:27  The Couples Sandbox community03:54  Meet Mel & Jake05:17  The journey to the Connected season07:37  Reassurance & progress08:45  Working as a team with kindness09:59  Learning from other couples13:02  The impact of connection on the family unit15:14  Visions for the future16:04  How they found Couple's Tune-Up20:01  ‘Marriage school' 21:15  Gratitude ‌Links:‌ ‌ ‌Join us in the Couple's Sandbox. The cart is open from May 4 to May 9, 2021. https://www.allisonvilla.com/couples-sandboxWork With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villaPlease remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“You are the secure base for your children. If you're not good, then it filters down to your kids.”—  Allison VillaWhile the stigma against therapy has fallen quite a bit over the last few decades as more people are accepting its benefits in terms of mental and emotional health, many couples still hesitate to commit to working on their relationship with a professional, for a few different reasons.Throughout my time as a psychotherapist and relationship expert, I've noticed three questions in particular that come up for people considering couples therapy:What if we can't afford it?What if we can't find the time for it?What if my partner isn't onboard with talking about their feelings with a stranger?These are all very valid concerns — and after experiencing the challenges of going through my own couples therapy with my husband, I knew that I had to come up with accessible options to help other parents!This episode is all about the obstacles that can prevent couples from getting the support that they want and need — and the online solutions that they can turn to right now!In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌Why I took my practice online long before the pandemic turned the world virtualHow the Couples Sandbox can help you reconnect with the play and passion in your relationship How to use the insights and practices learned through solo therapy to strengthen your connection with your partner   “I'm all about small steps having a big impact.”—  Allison Villa ‌ Highlights:‌ ‌00:24  Introduction01:45  My couples therapy story07:31  Therapy solutions09:11  Virtual therapy11:02  Couples Sandbox14:12  Partner hesitation15:42  Recap16:32  Couplehood podcast ‌ Links:‌ ‌ ‌  Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.com  Follow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa   Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“What does emotional foreplay look like to you?”—  Allison VillaIn any long-term relationship, there will be periods where sexual frequency shifts. This can be tied to medical issues, stress, changes in mental health, changes in workload, having young children, or life just getting in the way.While many couples worry that having less sex automatically means that their relationship is in trouble, that's far from the truth! These ebbs and flows are a natural part of being in a long-term couple, just as each couple moves through each of the four relationship seasons. Not only is having less sex not inherently harmful to your couple, but “intimacy” goes beyond just physical intimacy — there are five different types of intimacy that you can practice with your partner, and each piece contributes to your connection and the health of your relationship. In fact, these acts of emotional foreplay can hugely heighten the connection and pleasure you feel during physical intimacy!This episode is all about looking beyond sex to strengthen your intimacy through the “in-between” moments, finding new ways to connect, and unlocking new areas of exploration. In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌The 5 different types of intimacy and the roles that they play in your couple How emotional foreplay can greatly elevate your moments physical intimacy3  conversation starters that you can use to bring up the topic of intimacy with your partner  “We all need to be seen as individuals outside of our role as parents.”—  Allison Villa ‌ Highlights:‌ ‌00:23  Introduction01:21  Let's talk about sex03:19  Beyond sex04:24  Emotional intimacy06:53  Affection & touch08:47  Intellectual intimacy09:13  Spiritual & creative intimacy11:07  3 conversation starters 13:08  Recap ‌ Links:‌ ‌ ‌  Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“Words and actions are the ultimate way to build trust in your relationship.”—  Allison VillaWhat's the ultimate make-or-break when it comes to enjoying a healthy and successful relationship?Trust.Trust is absolutely essential for maintaining a strong and connected bond with your partner. It's the foundation to every relationship, and small cracks in that foundation can add up over time... and eventually cause your couple to crumble.Trust isn't only broken through major betrayals, such as extramarital affairs or serious lies about finances. In fact, a partner doesn't need to deliberately lie in order to damage trust. It may also be eroded through small, frequent micro-moments, such as promising to sign the kids up for a class and then forgetting, making other plans on a date night, or straying from an agreed-upon parenting technique.Losing trust in your partner can make you feel less confident about your couple. Rebuilding that trust can help you feel more safe and secure with one another. This week, I am sharing how trust can be damaged — and built up — in your relationship, with practical examples and one powerful action item!In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌Why tiny day-to-day micro-moments can work to erode trust in your coupleHow broken or damaged trust can send your couple into the Coping season The #1 action item that will help you build and show trust in your relationship  “Empty words with no action break down trust.”—  Allison Villa ‌ Highlights:‌ ‌00:23  Introduction01:50  Eroding trust through micro-moments03:52  Trust & the Coping Season05:40  Small things matter07:22  Relationship seasons08:42  Addressing micro-moments09:46  Rebuilding trust12:10  Recap ‌ Links:‌ ‌ ‌  Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“What do you need to feel good, and what does that look like in action?”—  Allison VillaToday's topic is something that comes up a lot in both individual and couples therapy. It's an issue that affects all types of relationships, from romantic to familial to professional. And it's one that a lot of people struggle with, and even feel guilty about.Today, I want to talk about boundaries and resentment.People set physical and emotional limits regarding how they want other people to behave around them in order to keep themselves feeling safe and respected. Boundaries are incredibly personal — and each person in a couple may have very different boundaries around certain topics or actions!Resentment shows up when we feel that others have crossed our boundaries — whether or not we've been clear about setting them. Sometimes, we don't even discover that we need a boundary until we start feeling uncomfortable or frustrated in a relationship.This week, I am giving you all the tools you need to identify where the lines should be drawn in your life, and to set and communicate clear, reasonable boundaries.In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌Real-life examples of the differing ways that people can set boundaries in their relationships3 simple action items to help you set necessary boundaries in your own life  That boundaries don't have to be static — don't be afraid to shift them as needed!  “When you don't set boundaries, it often gets internalized as resentment.”—  Allison Villa ‌ Highlights:‌ ‌00:28  Introduction01:27  Boundaries02:49  Resentment03:56  Cycling example06:42  The process07:20  Bedtime example08:00  Work example09:20  Set boundaries early10:02  Get clear on your boundaries11:18  Set the boundary13:45  Boundaries aren't static14:45  Recap  ‌Links:‌ ‌ ‌Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“It's not so much about it being your idea. You want it to become their idea.”—  Allison VillaHave you ever wanted to make a change in your lifestyle, relationship, or parenting style? Discovering a new parenting technique, sleep routine, or diet can be exciting — but often the challenge lies in getting your partner as excited about the shift as you are.This episode tackles the big question: how do you best get your partner onboard with making a change?(This is one of the most frequently asked questions I get from my clients and followers!)I'm not going to talk about persuasion techniques or sneaky psychological tricks. When proposing a change to your partner, whether it's a months-long family sabbatical or trying a gluten-free diet to benefit their health, it's important that you take an honest, respectful, and patient approach.The truth is that everyone has a different timeline when it comes to making peace with change, and your partner's timeline may not match up to yours exactly — but that's totally okay!This episode breaks the process down into three simple, practical action items that will help you communicate your thoughts about the change, create space for your partner to develop their own positive feelings about it, and ultimately bring you closer together through affirming your choices together.This will be a beautiful process for your couple, and I can't wait for you to get started!In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌The deeper psychological responses triggered by the idea of changeWhy everyone has a different timeline for becoming receptive — and how to plant the initial seedThe importance of affirming and celebrating your shared vision together  “You need to let it be their idea. You plant the seed and then you leave it to sprout.”—  Allison Villa ‌ Highlights:‌ ‌00:24  Introduction01:58  Sabbatical example02:49  Gluten-free example04:14  Plant the seed08:32  Be patient with timelines10:49  Affirmation & celebration12:33  Approach it as equals13:01  Recap     ‌Links:‌ ‌ ‌Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“Your love lives on through your kids.”—  Allison VillaIf you're a regular listener of this podcast, I know that you prioritize your romantic relationship. But what you may not know is that love really IS eternal. (Or, at least, a lot more long-lasting than you may have thought).  This bite-sized episode explores the science and research that has shown that the love that you and your partner share lives on through your kids. Potentially, the love that you show one another and the love that you show your children today will echo on throughout many future generations.And this is true on a physical level.Epigenetics is the study of how your behaviours and environment may actually affect the way that your genes work, through changing the way that your body reads your genes — and part of that research has centred on how these changes can be passed down to your children... and even your grandchildren! And the way that you and your partner demonstrate love? That's definitely a piece of the puzzle. In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌✔   The concept of epigenetics and what it means in the context of passing on your love✔   The six lifestyle factors that can affect the way that your body reads your genes✔   The Parents in Love movement — and why so many people are choosing to join  “How you are loved as a child changes your DNA.”—  Allison Villa ‌ Highlights:‌ ‌00:24  Introduction.01:45  Science of epigenetics.02:21  Cancer gene example.03:06  Lifestyle factors, epigenetics, and love.04:11  Cherry blossom and mice experiment.04:42  Nutrition, exercise, and love.05:39  The Parents in Love movement.06:21  Your affirmation.   ‌Links:‌ ‌ ‌Cherry blossoms and mice study  https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/fearful-memories-passed-down Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“How we shift our words impacts how we show up in that relationship.”—  Allison VillaToday's topic is something really simple… but also really powerful: this episode explores exactly why words matter.  Being fluent in communication is definitely a relationship superpower! How you speak to and with your partner (and how you speak ABOUT your partner to others in your life) impacts your couple in significant ways.   You've heard the statement “Thoughts become things?”  The same goes for words.  Our words are energetic and powerful.  Once spoken, they become real — whether they convey simple dinner plans or our deepest beliefs about our partner. Words and perception are closely linked. This is true for both the way that our words cause us to see other people and the way that our words can cause other people to see themselves.Shifting our words impacts how we show up in our relationships… even when the words are said to other people. There are simple, everyday techniques that you can use to heal your perspective, strengthen your relationships, and even build up your own self esteem. Ready to get started? All you need to do is press play.In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌✔   How your words can shape the person your child will eventually become — and how shifting the message can change the way you relate to them✔  3 steps to healing your words and perspective in your relationship✔  The importance of giving grace and making space to be human (for both you and your partner)  “How you speak about your relationship to others is precious. It's important. It matters.”—  Allison Villa ‌ Highlights:‌ ‌00:23  Introduction.01:19  Why are words so important?02:38  The impact of shifting the message.05:39  What are your thoughts about your partner?08:11  Make space to be human.08:37  How do you speak about your partner?10:35  Find your safe people.11:53  Don't forget to verbalize the positive.13:26  Speaking in front of kids.14:08  Overcoming the challenge.Links:‌ ‌ ‌Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“Resiliency doesn't happen by accident.”—  Allison Villa  It's pretty common to hear people reassure each other (or themselves) with the phrase “Don't worry, kids are resilient.” This saying is used as a way to minimize the effects of trauma, hardship, or stress on growing minds. It implies that resilience, the ability to bounce back without too many lasting effects, is an innate trait that all children are born with. It assumes that going through hard things just makes kids stronger automatically.  In fact, this isn't actually the case. This common saying is not only inaccurate and reductionistic, but actually dangerous.  Resilience is something that must be learned and nurtured through a secure attachment bond — it doesn't just develop on its own! And while resilience is an especially timely and important concept right now, developing resilience is extremely valuable for maintaining mental health in general! And childhood is by far the best time to do it.  There are many life events or circumstances that can strongly impact a child, from changing schools to moving to losing or being unable to visit a loved one. In this episode, I share a personal story from my own life about the pandemic lockdown which illustrates the importance of building resilience in children. You'll also learn simple but powerful techniques that you can use to help your child develop this important skill!  There is never a better time to start developing resilience than right now. So let's get started.    In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌✔  What resilience actually is — and how it's developed through the caregiver-child bond✔  The importance of moving through difficult situations WITH your children✔  Actionable tools that you can use to help your children build resilience   “Our children have had a lot of things taken away from them over the past year.”—  Allison Villa ‌ Highlights:‌ ‌00:28  Introduction.01:20  Personal pandemic story.06:21  Help yourself as well as your child.07:30  “Kids are resilient” is harmful.09:14  How resilience develops.11:20  Move through experiences together.13:18  Show with words and actions.  14:05  Be aware and make time.15:41  Model communication.17:09  Recap. ‌Links:‌ ‌ ‌Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa   Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“When I'm being intentional… our relationship feels stronger.”—  Lianne Kim  Are you or your partner an entrepreneur? If so, this episode will be especially helpful for you!  Building a business can take up a lot of room in our lives, in terms of both time and emotional space. But it's important that we don't forget to weave connection and intimacy into our lives — it's vital that we nurture our couple just as we nurture our growing businesses!  My special guest for this episode is Lianne Kim, business coach and founder of Mamas & Co., an online community that provides support to mama entrepreneurs. Lianne is not only a savvy businesswoman, but she's also a strong believer in taking intentional action within her relationship in order to strengthen it.  This episode explores what happens when entrepreneurship meets couplehood — and the challenges that come up when you're building up a business and a relationship simultaneously. You'll hear Lianne's personal story about her entrepreneurial journey and how wanting to create a living on her own terms affected her relationship. You'll find out why you shouldn't be afraid of your (or your partner's) changing dreams and desires. And you'll learn Lianne's top tips for building a joyful business.   In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌✔   The importance of small, regular, intentional actions and moments of authenticity in strengthening your relationship  (with examples)✔   Why and how you should build play, self care, and creativity into the way that you run your business  ✔  Your special discount code to purchase Lianne's incredible book!    “When I'm prioritizing ‘me' time… I get my best ideas and beautiful connections.”—  Lianne Kim ‌ Highlights:‌ ‌00:22  Introduction.02:13  Meet Lianne Kim.04:50  Ongoing work and intentional action.07:36  Love languages and areas of growth.08:46  Lianne's relationship/entrepreneurial journey.12:14  Fears and communication. 14:04  Moments of authenticity and changing desires.17:44  Building a Joyful Business.20:14  Importance of play and creativity.23:58  Entrepreneurs and self-fulfillment.26:49  Joy isn't 24/7.29:08  Family time and conversation-starters.30:21  The Sandbox.31:06  Impact of a joyful business on a relationship. ‌ Links:‌ ‌ ‌Lianne Kim  https://www.liannekim.com/book (Promo: COUPLEHOOD)https://www.mamasandco.com  https://www.facebook.com/liannekimcoach  Instagram: @liannekimcoach    The Business of Thinking Big podcasthttps://open.spotify.com/show/4CtmkrCqJQNsE70y3xwRdx Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“When you're tired, there's a lot of things that you're unable to do.”—  Allison VillaHow do we connect meaningfully with our partners when we are just so tired?While being a parent can be one of the most wonderful and fulfilling experiences, it can also be exhausting — physically, mentally, and emotionally. It can be very easy to put off reconnecting with your partner until you feel less tired, but you may find that days turn into weeks (or even months) before you realize it. And you're still tired.It can be a challenge to find that extra energy to connect with your partner when you're giving so much of yourself to your children, but it's so important for your couple.This episode is all about practical, actionable tips to help you and your partner support each other in parenthood, reduce your levels of stress and exhaustion, and create new space for connection.In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌How you and your partner can help each other enjoy better sleep and have more energy throughout the day 3 simple ways that you can show each other love — even when you're exhausted Why a daily gratitude practice is such an effective way to connect “What is one small action that you can take to show your partner that you care?”—  Allison VillaHighlights:‌ ‌00:26  Parenting is exhausting01:30  Sleep is the foundation03:13  Speak your gratitude04:22  Name what you miss05:40  One small action06:36  Action items recapLinks:‌ ‌ ‌Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“We are spending more time with our immediate family — with our children and with our partner.”—  Allison VillaSpace is absolutely essential to your relationship health.And this is never more true than when living in lockdown.When I say space, I'm talking about personal space. While humans are social creatures by nature and are meant to live in a community, we do need to create space for ourselves — space from our partners and space from our obligations.In the past, communities and extended families would share the responsibilities for raising children and providing food. Men would often leave for hours, days, or weeks to hunt, and nursing mothers would care for one another's babies. There was a natural support system built into the life of our ancestors, and the sharing of chores and childrearing allowed people to have some space from their partners and children. The shift to the modern nuclear family has taken away much of this support and space. And with the onset of the pandemic and lockdown, we've even lost the space of having one or both partners leaving the house to work and the children going to school or daycare.Now, many of us are spending more time together than ever before.Our relationships need space. Each relationship is like a flame... and personal space is the oxygen that keeps them burning.In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌The different forms that personal space can take — and why it's so important to identify exactly what you needPractical examples of what daily, weekly, monthly, and quarterly personal space can look likeThree action items to help you identify and create the space your couple needs“When we're apart from people, we appreciate each other more.”—  Allison VillaHighlights:‌ ‌01:00  Communities & space in the past02:11  Modern life 03:01  Lockdown & lack of space04:01  What is personal space?05:03  What can space look like?07:36  Resentment, anxiety & ambivalence08:54  The retreat 11:08  The weekends away13:59  Space is a gift15:25  3 action itemsLinks:‌ ‌ ‌Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“When I'm referring to control, I'm referring to when you are pulled to wanting to control yourself, control your environment, or control the behavior of others.”—  Allison VillaIn times of stress or uncertainty, people may develop new behaviors as a way to regain a sense of control. Often, people raised in certain situations develop these behaviors as a way to compensate. This episode looks at control issues — why they develop, what they look like, how they affect our relationships, and what we can do to heal them. Control issues range from mild to severe. They can look like trying to control yourself or your environment, as in compulsive tidying or arranging or picky eating. They can also be more harmful, such as disordered eating, compulsive exercising, substance abuse, obsessive cleaning, or self harm.Control issues can also manifest as trying to control another person, as in micromanaging, being overprotective, or helicopter parenting. Depending on the degree and frequency, these issues can create ruptures in the fabric of a relationship. People who have control issues often don't want to be controlling! They feel shame and frustration about their behavior, often don't understand what leads them to behave that way, and are afraid that they may end up losing their relationship.The good news is that control issues can aren't forever. There are steps that you can take right now to start you on the path to healing.In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌How many control issues initially take root — and why it's so important to understand where they come from Two simple ways to help yourself start to let go of your control issues How to create micro-moments that retrain your brain to let go of control“If you took on that parent role as a young person, you might have those control issues now.”—  Allison Villa ‌Highlights:‌ ‌01:04  What do control issues look like?02:37  Control issues within relationships03:25  Where do control issues come from?05:03  Discovering your control issue's root06:37  Micro-moments & choosing to let goLinks:‌ ‌ ‌Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“The truth is that Covid is straining relationships because there is so much uncertainty around us and that puts us in a state of stress.”—  Allison VillaAfter spending over a year in a state of uncertainty and fear, and dealing with lockdowns, Zoom schooling, and working from home, many of us are deeply feeling a sense of pandemic fatigue… and a new level of strain in our personal relationships.With so much going on around us, it's only natural that we feel a sense of pressure and are experiencing a lack of energy. As time and energy become ever more precious commodities, it's more important than ever to be intentional in how we use them.Especially when so many of us are struggling with loved ones whose views on Covid don't align with our own.The unfortunate fact is that most of us will experience a major change in our relationships throughout this time. It's important to remember that we can continue to love people from afar, even if we cannot engage in a healthy way on a more regular basis. This episode is all about providing you with communication strategies that you can use to help maintain your closest relationships throughout the rest of the pandemic, including how to listen to understand another's viewpoint and set loving boundaries.I also include examples of how to effectively communicate your feelings about another's actions without hostility, blame, or shame.In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌• Two ingredients for effective communication and the #1 magic phrase • The importance of holding space for different perspectives• Three action steps to take this week regarding your Covid-affected relationships “You are allowed to have a reaction to someone else's action.”—  Allison Villa ‌Highlights:‌ ‌00:28  Today's hot topic 01:56  What are your most important relationships?03:59  The two parts of communication05:57  Be open to adapting to new ideas07:06  Hold space for different perspectives08:28  Set loving boundaries10:46  Uncertainty is unsettling11:13  Your three action stepsLinks:‌ ‌ ‌Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“It's so valuable to know that we're on the same team… same goal, same vision.”—  LeahWelcome to the fourth episode of my limited Sandbox Spotlight series, featuring interviews with real-life couples talking about their real-life experiences with couples therapy!In this series, we dive deep into true stories of dealing with relationship stresses, navigating the four relationship seasons, and learning how to communicate as a couple more effectively.If you haven't listened to my episodes on the relationship seasons, I recommend you check them out first!My guests for this episode are Leah and Doug. They've been together for 20 years, have a nine-year-old son, and joined the Sandbox about a year ago.When they joined Sandbox, they were already in a solid place in their relationship and had done a lot of personal growth work separately. What was new for them was doing that growth work together.Leah and Doug sat down for this interview while living out of an Airbnb and waiting to move into their brand new home, a life event that can create stress for a relationship.In this interview, we discuss the importance of having a shared vision, baking self care into daily life, and asking for what you need in the moment.In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌How they manage to stay in the Connected and Confident seasons — even while selling their house and moving in the middle of a pandemic The different types of intimacy and the importance of naming them What love really looks like in action — and how to help it thrive“She reminds me to stop and breathe and focus on the larger vision.”—  DougHighlights:‌ ‌00:24  Sandbox Spotlight01:53  Meet Leah and Doug03:07  Finding your season in a hectic time06:16  The missing intimacy08:55  Working toward the same shared vision11:08  Leah and Doug's shared vision14:26  What love looks like in action16:02  Self care baked into daily life18:23  Couple's Sandbox21:58  Say what you need in the moment24:35  GratitudeLinks:‌ ‌ ‌Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“Just being open to communicating and proactive in our relationship really made sure we didn't get to those breaking points.”—  KatThis is the third  episode of my limited Sandbox Spotlight series, which features interviews with real-life couples talking about their real-life experiences navigating the four relationship seasons, developing better communication skills, and deepening their connection.If you haven't listened to my episodes on the relationship seasons, I recommend you check them out first!My guests for this episode are Kat and Brad, who have been together for four years and are raising their one-year-old and Brad's eight-year-old son. While Kat and Brad are currently in the Connected season, they were recently in the Coping season due to numerous life events that happened over the last year, including the loss of Brad's mother, the birth of their new baby, and Brad's job being transformed to work-from-home — three very impactful events. Being home together for 24 hours each day with a newborn could have been a huge challenge for the two of them. Proactively using the tools they learned through the Couple's Sandbox community helped them avoid breaking points, and Kat credits their desire to be happy together as a major motivation to work together to address issues. In this interview, Kat and Brad talk about being proactive in taking care of their relationship, how they dealt with Brad work-from-home shift, and how listening to other couples has helped to deepen their own connection.In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌How Kat and Brad managed to move from the Coping season to the Connected season in the middle of a pandemic Why being able to identify your relationship season makes such a huge difference in your communication Why proactive couple care is just as important as self care“There's nothing wrong with the season that you're in and we can move forward together.”—  Brad ‌Highlights:‌ ‌00:24  The Sandbox Spotlight01:50  Meet Kat and Brad03:30  New motherhood & work-from-home04:28  Changing relationship seasons during a pandemic06:01  The impact of understanding the seasons07:19  Being present08:44  Self care & couple care09:45  Be proactive10:25  Couple's Sandbox12:38  Virtual skills & lighting13:57  Creating love habits15:50  Gratitude ‌Links:‌ ‌ ‌Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“Before the pandemic, I was a completely different person.”—  CeciliaIf you're a couple that's had a major lifestyle change during the pandemic, this will be a useful episode for you!This is the second episode of my limited Sandbox Spotlight series, which features interviews with real-life couples talking about their real-life experiences moving through the relationship seasons with total honesty.If you haven't listened to my episodes on the relationship seasons, I recommend you check them out first!In this series, we explore how couples deal with relationship stresses and learn how to communicate more effectively.My guests for this episode are Cecilia and Joey, who have been together for over 8 years and are raising three children between the ages of four and eight.Cecilia and Joey were in the Coping season when they first joined Couple's Sandbox a few months ago. Now, the pair are enjoying the Connected season, and on the verge of Confident.In this interview, we talk about how the couple have kept their focus on their relationship through major lifestyle changes and overcoming bad habits… and have come out stronger than ever!I would love to have you join us in the Couple's Sandbox —  the cart will be open from May 4 to May 9, 2021 and you can find the link below! In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌How to capture that amazing ‘date night' feeling in your day-to-day life The importance of listening to yourself and identifying the aspects of your life that you need to change in order to find balance and harmony How to recognize when your habits aren't serving you or your relationship“You can see the kids are happier, because they see that we're happier.”—  JoeyHighlights:‌ ‌00:23  About Couple's Sandbox03:44  Meet Cecilia and Joey06:19  Connecting day-to-day07:33  Significant lifestyle changes09:12  Listen to yourself11:54  Consider the impacts 13:07  Evaluate your habits16:05  How the seasons & the Sandbox help19:24  Moving into the Confident season21:54  GratitudeLinks:‌ ‌ ‌Join us in the Couple's Sandbox. The cart is open from May 4 to May 9, 2021. https://www.allisonvilla.com/couples-sandbox Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“It's not easy to parent if you're not on the same wavelength.”—  JakeWelcome to the first episode of the Sandbox Spotlight series, a limited series featuring interviews with real-life couples talking about their real-life experiences! In the series, we're going to talk about their challenges, their joys, and how they successfully navigate the four relationship seasons.If you haven't listened to my episodes on the relationship seasons, I recommend you check them out first!My guests for this episode are Mel and Jake, founding members of my online community the Couples Sandbox. Mel and Jake have been together for 17 years and are the parents of two toddlers. Mel and Jake came to me for couples counselling when they were in the Coping season — they were relieved to learn that the Coping season was temporary and to learn tools and strategize to manage the issues that came up during that season. Learning about the relationship seasons helped Mel and Jake understand the ways that external factors impact their relationship and how they can work together as a team to manage them with kindness and empathy. Joining Couple's Tune-Up and Couple's Sandbox helped them move from the Coping season to the Coasting season and then into the Connected season. In this interview, they look back on what they've learned, how they use it, and the impact it's had on their relationship!In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌How relationship tools can not only strengthen your relationship with your spouse, but also your entire family unit Why it's so important to hear other couples talk about the challenges they face and how they overcome themA sneak peek into how my Couples Sandbox community works — and how it can fit into your busy schedule!“I feel like we're closer than we've ever been, in many ways.”—  Mel ‌Highlights:‌ ‌00:29  The Sandbox Spotlight01:27  The Couples Sandbox community03:54  Meet Mel & Jake05:17  The journey to the Connected season07:37  Reassurance & progress08:45  Working as a team with kindness09:59  Learning from other couples13:02  The impact of connection on the family unit15:14  Visions for the future16:04  How they found Couple's Tune-Up20:01  ‘Marriage school' 21:15  GratitudeLinks:‌ ‌ ‌Join us in the Couple's Sandbox. The cart is open from May 4 to May 9, 2021. https://www.allisonvilla.com/couples-sandbox Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“There are only two things that you need to do to make your anniversary special for you and for your kids.”—  Allison VillaHow do you celebrate a special anniversary in a meaningful way while in the middle of a pandemic?Anniversaries are a wonderful milestone for several reasons — they're an opportunity to celebrate your relationship, look back on much you've grown together, and spend some time reconnecting on a romantic level.  On a personal level, this is a special episode of the podcast, as my husband Arjan and I celebrated our 10-year anniversary recently!Arjan and I spent some time last year discussing how we wanted to celebrate this milestone. We even talked about possibly taking a trip to Iceland. (This was before the onset of the pandemic. Obviously, we didn't end up taking the trip, though we may still do so in the future!)During a pandemic, dining out or traveling aren't the easy options that they used to be, if they're options at all. But, that's actually okay! Because while grand gestures and big plans are a lovely way to celebrate your relationship, you do not have to go all out to mark your anniversary with meaning. In order to make the day meaningful for both you and your partner and for your children, you really only need to do two things: Do one thing for you and your partner as a couple.Do one thing with your partner and children as a family.In the case of couple time, you will need to ask for help from your extended family, friends, or community to make it happen, but this time spent as a couple will be so beneficial for your relationship.Listen to the episode to learn more about the simple, meaningful things that you can do to mark your anniversary (even in lockdown), and how Arjan and I celebrated our 10 years together.In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌Why it's so important to include your kids in your anniversary celebrationsThe #1 reason why the people around you will likely be happy to help you celebrate your anniversary as a couple How to let yourself be open to receiving the support that you need“When you're marking your anniversary, find a way to ask your community for support... If you don't ask, then you're not able to receive that support.”—  Allison Villa ‌Highlights:‌ ‌00:37 10-year anniversary!01:19  Mark your anniversary with meaning   01:34  Help from your community02:27  What it looked like for us05:05  Celebrating as a family07:00  Letting yourself receive supportLinks:‌ ‌ ‌Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“I really had to look inwards… I finally started to also be honest with myself, in terms of how I was feeling.”—  Arjan HaakThere are two sides to every story. And to drive that point home, my guest for this episode is my husband, Arjan Haak.You first heard about Arjan during the first episode of this podcast, where I talked about my From Breakdown to Breakthrough story.(If you haven't yet heard it, I do recommend going back and listening to that episode first.)As Couplehood is a podcast about, well, couplehood, I thought that it would be interesting to bring Arjan on to talk about his side of the experience.The Breakdown to Breakthrough story began six years into our marriage, after we both reached some pretty significant milestones. We'd already gotten married, bought our own home, and had two beautiful children. But that year, I had just received my professional designation as a psychotherapist and Arjan had just landed a full-time job with benefits — two milestones that we had been working toward for some time.Even after crossing all of these amazing milestones off the list, I felt empty and defeated.Arjan, on the other hand, felt great.Coming to Arjan with my feelings was scary, because I felt that it meant that we were no longer compatible as a couple.For Arjan, receiving this information was just as challenging… but it led to an awakening.While he initially resisted, he was eventually driven to check in with himself and acknowledge that he had some mixed feelings about where we were in our lives.Learning how to push through avoidance and face uncomfortable truths can be the difference between strengthening your relationship… or sinking it.In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌The importance of breaking out of autopilot, checking in with yourself, and honestly assessing whether you're getting what you need  Why it's vital to push through denial and avoidance when faced with challenging honesty 3 action items that can take you from breakdown to breakthrough“That is the ultimate gift to your kids — you being honest with yourself about who you are, and what joy, happiness, and success look like for you.”—  Allison VillaAbout Arjan HaakArjan Haak is Allison's husband and an avid cyclist. He lives in Toronto with Allison and their two children. He is an exceptional graphic designer.Highlights:‌ ‌00:24  Meet Arjan Haak01:30  From breakdown to breakthrough: the other side 05:57  “Are you happy?”08:00  Strengths & weaknesses09:30  It starts with one person's honesty10:37  Coping & coasting seasons12:22  Taking tough honesty seriously14:57  Changing priorities & beliefs17:01  Arjan's job loss19:22  From shock to hope21:37  Back to Toronto 23:31  Conversations leading to growth  25:03  Action itemsLinks:‌ ‌ ‌Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“What are your personal rituals and routines?… You've already created them. So, notice them, draw attention to them, and bring them into your mindfulness practice.”—  Allison VillaDo you remember what it was like to live in a world that felt predictable and safe?And would you like to be able to tap into that feeling again, whenever you need to?Over the past year, many of us have found it challenging to feel grounded, secure, and safe — turning on the television or visiting your favorite news sites can feel like stepping onto a minefield, with frightening or even depressing news lurking behind every click or commercial break.Last week, we went through a reflective exercise together to explore who you've become over the past year. This week is all about being able to go out into the world filled with confidence and security, regardless of the uncertainty and chaos around us.The trick? Learning how to recognize and appreciate consistency in the world around you and finding comfort in the simple daily rhythms of your life.I promise, it's not as difficult as it may seem!Consistency can be found in small moments of nature and daily routines — but when added up, these small moments can have a huge, positive psychological impact.Practicing mindfulness while engaging in your day-to-day routines can actually be an incredibly grounding experience. Very often, we tend to spend much of our day on autopilot, to the point where we may not even remember making breakfast or driving to the store!Simply being mindful in the moment can help you feel more connected to your surroundings, your activities, and the people around you.In this episode, I want to provide you with some tools and action items that you can use every single day to nurture connection and develop a sense of security and groundedness.In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌The two areas to look at first when searching for consistency in the world How to transition from autopilot to mindfulness in your daily routines and ritualsThe magic of creating new family rituals — and the incredible connection they can foster“I am so present when I am walking along the river and I can see how the river is just continuing to flow, no matter what is going on.”—  Allison VillaHighlights:‌ ‌00:23  Dealing with uncertainty01:17  Spending time in nature03:51  Consistency is for the birds (and pets)04:30  Your personal rituals and routines05:25  Mindfulness v autopilot06:20  Starting new family rituals07:27  Questions to reflect onLinks:‌ ‌ ‌Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“I really believe in the power of reflecting on milestones, because they can help us to grow and better understand ourselves.”—  Allison VillaThe last year has been a big year for all of us — and that may be the biggest understatement I've made so far in 2021!Having the ability to look back and reflect is important, whether you're looking back on a year of pandemic chaos, a particularly challenging month, or even just a difficult conversation. Reflecting on our milestones, triumphs, and not-so-triumphant experiences can help us grow and gain a better understanding of ourselves and our situation — and even if it can sometimes be hard, there's real power in this practice.In this episode of the Couplehood podcast, I'll lead you through a reflective practice that will help you understand how the last year has affected or shifted who you are as a person. The time of reflection is not a time for judgment. We're not here to think poorly about our choices and actions, and we're also not here to pat ourselves on the back. Instead, reflection is about being curious and uncovering the impacts that our experiences have had on us, both internally and externally.And after a year that's been distinguished by massive global collective grief, there's definitely a lot to reflect upon.Remember: none of our relationships can thrive if our relationships with ourselves are not thriving first.So, let's get started.In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌How to constructively deal with the thoughts that come up during your reflective practice The 5 stages of grief and how they manifest as an ongoing process3 reflective questions for you to ponder as you look back on the past year“We're not meant to only be with a small group of people. We are meant to engage with our community and to be around many generations and all different people who bring out different parts of us.”—  Allison VillaHighlights:‌ ‌00:48  What reflection IS (and what it shouldn't be)01:34  The 3 categories to keep in mind02:01  Your emotional journey & the 5 stages of grief06:45  Community & in-person connection09:58  Intimate relationships & the need for space11:41  Connecting with ourselves 12:31  Recap13:14  Questions to ponderLinks:‌ ‌ ‌The 5 Stages of Griefhttps://www.psycom.net/depression.central.grief.html Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“When you feel amazing as a couple, your kids benefit and they feel amazing too.”—  Allison VillaToday is the final episode in our series about the four relationship seasons. If you haven't listened to the last three episodes, make sure you do because they will give you the full picture of all four relationship seasons.On today's episode, we are going to dive deep into the final relationship season, which I call the Confident season. This season follows the connected season, where you and your partner are focused on reconnecting with yourselves as individuals, figuring out what self care looks like for you, and creating more time for your relationship.So, how do you know if you're in the Confident season? In this season, you and your partner are actively supporting each other and your own self-care practices. You've made it a non-negotiable in your family schedule, and the whole family is on board. You also have a consistent, quality couple time practice, and you're exploring what intimacy looks like for your couple. What are the ways that we feel the most connected? And how can you deepen your connection to one another?Listen to this episode to learn:How to recognize if you are in the Confident season — and how it will impact your entire familyHow to deepen your intimacy by exploring each other's likes and dislikes — and why continuing to champion your partner's self care is importantWhich relationship season you are in, and how to name it so that you best know how to support your couple within that season.Highlights:‌ ‌00:51 What is the Confident season?02:54 Deepening your intimacy04:38 How confidence impacts your family05:40 Exploring your intimacy together07:16 Moving through all of the relationship seasons09:05 What season is your relationship in?10:08 The free season quiz!Links:‌ ‌Quiz: What's Your Relationship Season?https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/5f984bffa2c7af0014e9a0b7 Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“Quality couple time is when you are focused on each other.”—  Allison VillaThis is episode #4 of a 5-part series on the relationship season. I recommend going back and listening to the previous episodes on the Coping and Coasting seasons, if you haven't already.This episode is an in-depth look at the Connected season.When you're in the Connected season, you and your partner have gotten really good at helping each other carve out time for self care (which is a wonderful thing to model for your children!) and setting aside quality couple time together to work on your relationship.I don't mean time together talking about the kids, the house, or your responsibilities.I mean time together being curious about each other and connecting as individuals.This could look like a date night, a conversation over breakfast, an evening walk together, or just creating space for smaller moments throughout the day to connect.During this time, you and your partner are also aligned and working toward your family and relationship vision.What does this look like?This episode contains an example from my own life when my Connected season coincided with a long family road trip to Mexico, and illustrates the unusual forms that self care and alignment can take!Listen to the episode to learn:How the Connected season can help you get closer to achieving your family and relationship vision What goes into creating quality couple time — and why it's so vital to carve out the space for it Your #1 Connected season action item to ensure that you and your partner stay aligned and on the same pageIt's interesting how self care changes where you are in the world and where you are in your life.”—  Allison VillaHighlights:‌ ‌01:21  The Connected season03:15  Your family & relationship vision04:41  My own experience06:10  What does self care look like?07:43  Your Connected action item  08:31  The free season quiz! ‌Links:‌ ‌Quiz: What's Your Relationship Season?https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/5f984bffa2c7af0014e9a0b7 Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“When you support each other in your self care, that is the ultimate act of love.”—  Allison VillaThe past few episodes of Couplehood have been about the relationship seasons that all couples experience. If you haven't listened to the first two episodes in this series, I recommend listening now.It's important to understand how these seasons work together because, just like the weather, they follow patterns and have logical transitions between them. This episode takes a deep dive into the second relationship season, the Coasting Season.I like to call this season the “yellow light” season, after the traffic signal.Just like the yellow traffic signal, you can think of the Coasting season as a caution: you don't want to spend too much time in it before moving onto the next!The Coasting season follows the Coping season, during which you and your partner dealt with a life event that diverted your time and resources from your relationship. The Coasting season is all about finding your footing again after a trying time.Generally your focus is on reconnecting with yourself, figuring out what self care looks like for you, and creating more time for your relationship.It's about rebuilding a sense of normalcy after a period that felt like anything but.Listen to the episode to learn:Why waiting for parenting milestones before making time for your relationship never works — and how it can lead to empty nest syndrome How you can speed up your time in the Coasting season — and get to the Connected season more quickly Your #1 action item for working your way through the Coasting season together“If your children are the only thing connecting you, they feel that. It feels like a lot of pressure for them. They can't name it, but it's deeply, deeply subconscious.”—  Allison VillaHighlights:‌ ‌01:06  The “yellow light” season02:05  What does the Coasting season look like?02:48  Stop waiting for milestones04:36  Being proactive v coasting05:17  Transitioning from Coasting to Connected06:40  Your Coasting action item09:36  The free season quiz! ‌Links:‌ ‌Quiz: What's Your Relationship Season?https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/5f984bffa2c7af0014e9a0b7 Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“Every couple goes through the Coping season. And if you're not in the Coping season right now at this moment, you'll be there again at some point. We all go through it.”—  Allison VillaThis episode takes a deep dive into the first of our four relationship seasons: the Coping season.The Coping season is a rough patch in your relationship, typically caused by one or more life events pulling your time and energy away from your relationship, and sucking up your attention and resources.External factors that can pull you into a Coping season include events like losing a job or taking a new one, having a new baby, a death in the family, a move or renovation... or a global pandemic.Internal factors include trust breakdowns, financial problems, infidelity (physical or emotional), or even just feeling as if your partner never really hears you.Whether voluntary or involuntary, the impact of these events is the same. You only have 24 hours in a day and only so much energy — if you give it all to one area in your life, you're taking it away from another. Often, that other area is your relationship.That doesn't make you a bad person or even a bad partner! Every couple experiences the Coping season — honestly, I'd be a little concerned if you didn't!What matters is how you move through it… together, as a couple.Will it weaken your bond and push you apart? Or will you use it as an opportunity for growth and even deeper connection?Listen to the episode to learn:The external and internal factors that can spark the onset of a Coping season in your relationshipHow to recognize when you need community support to make it through the Coping season as parentsThe #1 tip for nurturing your connection and creating touchpoints with your partner“The challenges in your relationship are your greatest opportunity for connection.”—  Allison Villa ‌Highlights:‌ ‌01:17  External factors03:03  Internal factors04:12  The Coping season is inevitable05:38  What the Coping season could look like08:29  Pandemic coping10:31  Lonely while together11:02  Your Coping action itemLinks:‌ ‌Quiz: What's Your Relationship Season?https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/5f984bffa2c7af0014e9a0b7 Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“The next four episodes are going to change your life.”—  Allison VillaYou know how to dress for the weather outside. You wouldn't wear a tank top and shorts in the winter, and you wouldn't wear mittens and a parka in the summer. Like the weather, our relationships go through seasons — and once you learn the tools to help you deal with each season's specific issues, you'll be ready for anything the season will throw at you.The next four episodes of Couplehood are all about the four relationship seasons. Learning about these seasons will change the way you view your relationship and empower you and your partnership.I came up with the relationship seasons after noticing distinct patterns in the relationships of my clients and acquaintances — and in my own.Every relationship goes through these cyclical seasons. Once you understand what they are and why they're happening, you'll be able to anticipate these ebbs and flows, work through them without judgment, and come out stronger than ever.Listen to the episode to learn:The four relationship seasons — what they are, what they mean, and how they work together How to reflect on and recognize past relationship seasons you've experienced — and how it will help you going forwardThe #1 question to ask yourself right now about your relationship seasons“Having this knowledge will empower you, it will empower your couple, it will change your world and the whole way that you view your relationship.”—  Allison VillaHighlights:‌ ‌01:37  Noticing patterns02:37  Messy feelings03:34  The relationship seasons05:04  Recognize your season06:02  Informed & prepared07:33  Reflect & recognize09:07  Couple's Sandbox09:52  Your reflective questionLinks:‌ ‌Quiz: What's Your Relationship Season?https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/5f984bffa2c7af0014e9a0b7 Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.comFollow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“When you are listening to your partner, I want to encourage you to listen in a way that helps you to really understand them, as opposed to getting ready to reply.”—  Allison VillaAre you a good listener?Listening effectively is about more than just quietly letting someone else speak. It's about consciously hearing what they have to say, instead of just waiting for your turn to reply.It's both an art and a vital tool for strengthening your relationship.When it comes to communicating effectively, expressing and listening are equally important. You need to be able to help another person understand your perspective AND be able to take in and understand theirs as well. This is the full communication loop.It won't work with only one half of that equation!Last week's episode was all about learning how to express your thoughts and emotions effectively. This week, we're going to focus on how to listen so that your partner will WANT to talk more and feel comfortable sharing their feelings with you.Let me be honest: this will take some effort, but the benefit to your relationship will be incredible!In this episode, I share my three favourite listening tips — they're small and simple, but they have tremendous impact!Listen to the episode to discover:How to show your partner through your body language that you're engaged and listening to what they have to say The incredible power of learning to push through your defensive reactions and just stay present in the moment The #1 response to give every single time your partner shares their feelings with you — and amazing thing that it conveys to them“We see each other every day, but it's often in passing and not in an intentional way.”—  Allison VillaHighlights:‌ ‌00:30  The two sides of communication01:13  Listen to hear, not to reply02:41  Body language04:14  No interruptions05:14  The magic paraphrase07:19  Sit with their discomfort08:57  RecapLinks:‌ ‌Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.com Follow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“What's important about communication is that it's made up of two parts. The first part is expressing how you feel, and the second part is listening.”—  Allison VillaReal communication is made up of two equally important parts: expressing and listening. And you can't have effective communication without having both sides!Make no mistake — being an effective communicator is a powerful skill.Some people are great listeners, but have a lot of trouble choosing the right words (or tone, or time) to make their true feelings known. Others have a wonderful knack for revealing their thoughts and emotions, but have some trouble really hearing what others are trying to tell them.One thing is for sure: no matter how well you think you communicate, there is always room to grow and improve! No partnership was ever harmed by improving your communication skills.Since both sides are so vitally important, I'm addressing each of them in their own episode.In this episode of Couplehood, I share my top 3 favourite ways to express yourself effectively.This episode is all about learning how to convey your thoughts and feelings clearly, respectfully, and effectively, in a way that helps other people understand your perspective. It's about so much more than just choosing the right words — it's about reframing the way that you approach sharing your feelings. Listen to the episode to discover:The magic phrase to adopt in your everyday vocabulary in order to deepen your communication — and exactly why it works so wellWhy it's so important to be mindful of your tone of voiceThe 3 steps you need to take to repair ruptures in your relationships“It's equally as important to communicate how you feel when things are good as it is when things are not so good.”—  Allison VillaHighlights:‌ ‌00:38  The two sides of communication01:59  The magic phrase04:36  Communicate when things are good & bad05:26  It's all in the tone06:30  Repairing a rupture11:01  Recap ‌Links:‌ ‌Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.com Follow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“How do we carve out time for our relationship when we're just processing so much ourselves as individuals and taking care of the needs of our children?”—  Allison VillaWith the lockdown regulations constantly shifting, it's hard to find your rhythm as a parent. Kids thrive when they have routines and dealing with work and school from home has been a huge challenge for many of us.On top of that, many of us are feeling ‘pandemic fatigue' after nearly a year of isolation and doom-filled news stories. And these added stresses can have a big impact on our relationships.In times like these, it's more important than ever to make time to work on your connection with your partner.In this episode of Couplehood, I share some of my favourite simple daily and weekly actions to strengthen your relationship.One of the most important areas to tackle is sleep.If your children sleep through the night, you're already winning the lottery. If you have small children who don't sleep through the night, this already challenging situation is going to be more challenging. While you don't have access to a wider circle of support during lockdown, you and your partner can support each other by giving each other space for naps during the day or alternating nights with the baby.From sleep schedules to home office placement to planning out the school day, you have so many opportunities to make choices that deepen your connection.Listen to the episode to discover:People-pleaser problems — and how to avoid letting them make life more challenging The importance of rethinking how you use the space in your home  The #1 small thing that you should be putting in your schedule every single week“The challenges in your life are your greatest opportunity for growth and deeper connection as a couple.”—  Allison VillaHighlights:‌ ‌00:32  Finding rhythm in lockdown01:57  Sleep is the foundation05:17  Assess & adjust06:50  People-pleaser problems08:02  Scheduling updates09:00  Rethink your home layout10:22  Do something thoughtful!12:34  RecapLinks:‌ ‌Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.com Follow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“The slow emotional decline began. It was very slow ... it was a series of small moments layered on top of each other.”—  Allison VillaToday's episode tackles a difficult but important topic. In it, I share my postpartum depression story.It's a difficult story to tell, but I share it with the hope that it will help you feel understood and show you that you CAN find your way back. My midwife and I discussed the possibility of postpartum depression before the birth of my second child. Neither of us expected that it would be an issue, as I'd felt fine after the birth of my first daughter.Right after giving birth to my second daughter, I felt AMAZING. I was high on love and full of awe about what my body had just done.But that didn't last.My decline into postpartum depression was gradual but devastating. Small things took on new significance. I remember trying to take my older daughter on the ten-minute walk to daycare in the snow. She balked at the idea. The loss of that simple exercise of self-care felt huge. Much bigger than it should have.Postpartum depression makes small moments or situations feel intense and overwhelming. Over the course of a year, I started to feel more angry and impatient. It affected my physical health and relationship.Eventually, I knew that I needed help. And I want any listeners dealing with postpartum depression to know that there is a way out.Listen to the episode to discover:The terrifying depths that postpartum depression can take you to — and why it is SO important to ask for helpHow societal expectations and beauty standards can mask legitimate health issues   3 simple action items to take if my story resonates with you“There we were: these two mothers experiencing the exact same thing, but not able to recognize it or even say it out loud.”—  Allison VillaHighlights:‌ ‌00:32  Why I'm telling my story01:44  Becoming a mother of two04:45  The decline07:03  Postpartum intensity08:12  Shellhood09:24  The ramp-up & bodily changes12:36  The wine13:59  My expectations v my reality16:06  The breaking point 18:28  The recovery20:04  Be ready & able to receive21:54  It can happen to anyone23:12  Action itemsLinks:‌ ‌‘What I Wish Every Mother Knew About Postpartum Depression'https://www.allisonvilla.com/posts-for-blog/2019/1/30/heres-what-i-wish-every-mom-knew-about-postpartum-depression-a8xwf LINKWork With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.com Follow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

How do you prevent small issues from becoming embedded in the fabric of your relationship? ‌As a couples therapist, people often come to see me when they are in what I call the ‘breakdown lane'. They're dealing with something that they can no longer ignore, whether it's a sudden crisis or a wound that has been festering for years.It's unfortunately common for parents to put their relationship on the backburner and settle for their relationship as-is for now. They tell themselves that they'll deal with the issues later, when the kids are toilet-trained, when they're in primary school, or whichever milestone comes next.In this way, issues become the new normal — and grow more challenging to change.Rather than wait until issues become unbearable, I teach my clients how to be proactive in maintaining their relationship health. Putting in small amounts of time and effort along the way can help you avoid winding up in the breakdown lane.After all, many of us are proactive in other areas of our health. We try to eat healthy, we try to exercise, we try to get enough sleep. Why not take that same approach to your relationship health?If you work out regularly, you notice your body getting stronger. This is the same thing — your relationship gets stronger when you work on it consistently.You can get started right now!In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌Why so many couples put off dealing with their issues until they're too big to ignore4 ways to be proactive about relationship health as a coupleHow to create and maintain consistent, quality couple time“The small things that you do now are going to have such a huge impact on how connected you are as a couple.”—  Allison Villa‌Highlights:‌00:32  Getting out of the breakdown lane01:52  Be proactive02:37  Start with you03:26  Ask for what you need03:43  Stay curious04:44  Quality time should be consistent05:35  Scheduling examples07:04  Work your relationship muscleWork With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.com Follow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villaPlease remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

As a relationship therapist, I cannot overemphasize the importance of self care.There is this popular misconception that taking time for yourself is selfish — but this is completely false. Self care not only helps you restore yourself, but it replenishes your energy so that you can continue to give to those around you.Including your partner.When you feel restored and at peace, you're able to bring the best of yourself to your relationship, and the same is true for your partner.That's why it is so important to not only make time for self care, but also facilitate the same for your partner. When you're both feeling replenished and filled up, your relationship will only benefit!But how can you fit it into your schedule?Before becoming a parent, self care was likely woven into your life in many small ways — as life gets more complicated, we need to be more purposeful in planning and engaging in it.But with so many things already in your calendar, how can you possibly fit more? It can be tempting to give up before you begin, if you consider self care to be made up of things like a spa day or a drive to the country — things that would be hard to fit into most people's schedules. But you can engage in self care in under 10 minutes.The two main things to keep in mind: ‘easy' and ‘possible'.I'd love to help you get started!In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌How to fit self care into even the busiest of schedules in just five minutes at a timeA quiz to find out what effective self care might look like for youHow to work with your partner to ensure that you're both happy and replenished“Self care is a practice.. you're creating new synapses in your brain. You're creating new neural pathways to say ‘Yeah, there are many things to do and it is important for me to intentionally restore first.'”—  Allison VillaHighlights:‌00:55  What does self care actually mean?02:18  Scheduling self care04:06  Self care v. selfishness05:01  Self care as the foundation of your relationship07:56  Avoiding resentment11:24  Speak up about what you need12:41  3 self care questions  Links:‌ ‌Free self care toolkit: https://houseandhook.ck.page/ Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.com Follow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villaPlease remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

In the first episode of Couplehood, you'll discover how relationship challenges can be a beautiful opportunity to deepen and strengthen your connection with your partner. ‌Years ago, I was a new mother, wife, and homeowner, working toward my designation as a psychotherapist. You could say I had it all.But I wasn't happy.Becoming a mother made me feel disconnected from the person I used to be. I struggled to define my sense of self as a mother and a therapist — and what that meant for my relationship.I counted on my professional achievement to make me feel fulfilled. I thought it would be the key to ultimate happiness — to really having it all. But after receiving the designation, I felt exactly the same.I asked my partner if he was happy with the life that we'd built. He said yes.This mismatch between expectation and reality can be a big challenge, especially if your partner doesn't share your feelings about whether things are working.I thought to myself, “If you are happy with this life, and this life has left me feeling like a shell of myself, then what does that mean about us?” It brought up big emotions and questions, and was the beginning of a huge conversation.The scariest thing about speaking your truth is that it can lead to things being fixed… or falling apart.But having these conversations is the only way to bring your experiences closer together, and these shared realizations can lead to an incredible journey!I want to help you get started!In‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode of Couplehood,‌ ‌you'll discover:‌ ‌Why it's okay for two people to come to realizations over two different timelinesWhy being aligned as a couple is so important3 action items to take when identifying your path to happiness “If you are experiencing challenges in your own life, allow those to empower you and let them be fuel to help you grow — as an individual and as a couple.”—  Allison VillaHighlights:‌ 01:24  “How This Mother's Breakdown Led to a Breakthrough”03:39  The ultimate happiness myth07:05  Timelines for realizations09:34  Being aligned as a couple13:05  Pushing through to happiness14:07  Your 3 action itemsLinks:Blog: How This Mother's Breakdown Led To A Breakthrough (and a family adventure to Mexico!) https://www.houseandhook.com/blog-posts/2017/11/18/how-this-mothers-breakdown-led-to-a-breakthrough-and-a-family-adventure-to-mexico Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.com Follow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

Get ready to experience true Couplehood! ‌I'm so happy to announce the launch of the Couplehood podcast, a new series that tackles the complexities, joys, and challenges of maintaining a happy, healthy, and satisfying relationship while living a life full of big changes!I'm Allison Villa, a registered psychotherapist and relationship expert with a mission to empower parents to make their relationship a priority. I'm also a mother of two and am very much on this Couplehood journey along with you!In the Couplehood podcast, you'll learn key communication strategies that will help you speak your truth and share your issues with your partner in a loving and constructive way.We'll dive deep into the reasons why so many couples let problems brew in their relationships — and how you can face these issues proactively.You'll discover why self care can actually be the key to having a harmonious relationship and how easy it can be to schedule it into your day — even as a busy parent!And that's just in the first three episodes!Subscribe now so that you'll never miss a valuable tip. And if you love the podcast, please rate and review it. I'd love to help a wider audience of parents learn how to more deeply connect with their partners and experience the joy of creating a healthy and nurturing bond!“This show is designed for parents who want to keep their romantic relationship thriving.”—  Allison Villa ‌Highlights:‌ ‌00:27  Welcome to Couplehood!01:21  What to expect02:07  Episode 1 preview04:42  Episode 2 preview07:14  Episode 3 preview09:27  Share the podcast!Work With Me:https://www.allisonvilla.com Follow Me on Instagram:https://instagram.com/allison__villa Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!