Intentional Living with Tanya Hale

Many of us dream of living a luxurious life, and we tend to confine that idea to materialistic luxury, houses and cars and clothing and jewelry and travel, all the things money can buy. And yet there is another type of luxury I want to talk about with you today, and it's the luxury of living in alignment with our God-given possibility, the luxury of living a life that creates more energy than it expends, a life of feeling amazing in the love we have for ourselves, for others, and for God. This is luxury that feels like a pearl of great price, something we are willing to sacrifice our tolerable life for. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #130 Exploring Our Darkness #183 Taking Risks and Becoming #204 Being a Peacemaker #218 Honest Relationships #238 Overflow #241 Forgiving Others #243 Having More Honest Relationships #271 Equal Partnerships #287 Equality in Your Relationships and Your Self-Worth #299 Love Is Not a Reward #309 What An Equal Relationship Looks Like #331 Sense of Self #332 Sense of Self – It's All In Your Head #333 Sense of Self and Dating #334 Sense of Self and Marriage #335 Sense of Self and Parenting #347 The Self Care of Relationship Repair #357 How to Be More Understanding Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion.  You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Sexuality between men and women can get complicated because we experience it so differently. And until we can begin to understand and accept those differences, and then learn to work with them rather than fighting against them, we will struggle to find the connection and intimacy that a great sexual relationship has to offer us. In this podcast I am speaking with Dan Purcell, a life coach and Christian couples sex expert about what women may not know about men's sexuality. You can find more of Dan on his popular podcast Get Your Marriage On. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #281 Mid-Life Sexuality with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife #337 Sense of Self and Our Sexuality #345 Men's Sexuality and Intimacy with Sione Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion.  You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

If we want to increase the intimacy and connection in our relationships, it is imperative that we show up as a safe person who creates a safe space. Often, the patterns we have established in our relationships are the opposite of safe, they cause our primitive brains to go into hyper protective mode and want to run away emotionally and physically. But when we can learn to show up safe, time and time again, we can create a space where our spouse may be willing to start engaging in vulnerability, in the openness and honesty necessary to deepen our engagement. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #3 Resolving Conflict #20 Blame and Responsibility #51 The Silent Treatment #60 Mental and Emotional Abusive Behaviors #61 Charity is the Antidote #75 Emotional Adulthood #143 Stuck in Perfectionism #193 No Back-Burner Issues #197 Connecting Through Conflict #230 People Pleasing #239 How to Own Your Own #240 Passive-Aggressive Behavior #242 Circling Back Around #270 People Pleasing and Kindness – What's the Difference? #304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives #319 Get Ready to Rock the Boat #357 How to be More Understanding Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion.  You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Difficult emotions can be, well, difficult. And because they don't feel good, we will often dismiss, ignore, or resist them, which can be unfortunate when there is so much amazing information behind the emotions we are feeling and why we are feeling them. When we can learn to be aware of the emotion and then step into curiosity to figure out what it is teaching us about ourselves, we become empowered to make the changes necessary for positive movement in our lives. And living in alignment with who we really want to be is one of the most empowering things we can do. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #75 Emotional Adulthood #194 When You Feel Sad, or Bad, or Mad #219 The Truth About the Struggle #225 Shame, Blame, and Disempowerment #252 How to Courage Up In the Face of Fear #254 When You Feel Resentment #306 The Problem with Happiness #348 Entitled Expectation Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion.  You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Our insecurities and the protective nature of our primitive brain can make meaningful connection in our relationships difficult. These protective tendencies make it difficult for us to step into truly listening and seeking to understand the other person. When we can learn to consciously set aside these human tendencies to preserve and protect ourselves, in areas where we really don't need protecting, we can step in to truly understand and connect with the other person, relationships change for the better. This podcast teaches you three things you can do to better understand and connect with others around you. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #3 Resolving Conflict #5 Learning to Listen #41 Correcting and Connecting #77 Other People's Opinions #156 The Benefits of Being Wrong #197 Connecting Through Conflict #242 Circling Back Around #251 Contention is a Choice #258 Communication That Connects #283 How To Be a Better Partner #289 Why Our Relationships Need Validation #295 Safety in the Relationship Circle #296 Creating More Safety in Your Relationship #347 The Self Care of Relationship Repair Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion.  You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

When Stacey first met me for her free consult, she was months out from a divorce and really struggling getting her feet on the ground. She was stuck in victim mentality and it was impacting the relationships with her children, herself, and everyone else. We started coaching one-on-one, and within 1 1/2 years, Stacy was on solid ground, had cleaned up her relationships with her children, and met and married a man who has to be her soul mate. Listen to Stacey share her story of growth and progress and finding love again in her 50s. Spoiler alert: she didn't always like me when we got off of a call. . .  Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #4 How to Change #28 How to Coach Yourself #49 Fixing Yourself #117 Anti-Responsibility #118 100% Responsibility #139 Being a Martyr #140 Still Being a Martyr #141 Coaching & Counseling. What's the Difference? #213 Thriving Post-Divorce - An Interview with Jody Moore #246 Self Coaching Strategies #250 Being a Victim #291 Divorce and Self-Worth #292 Healing and Moving Forward After Divorce #308 Stop Dabbling and Start Doing #312 Divorce Is Not the End, Part 1 #313 Divorce Is Not the End, Part 2 #330 Stuck to Your Ex #350 Getting Back Up After Divorce Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion.  You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Besides all of the life changes that occur in middle-age such as children leaving home, readjusting our marriage relationships, figuring out our next life steps, aging parents, etc., how about we add on a heaping serving of menopause where our hormones change and adjust and it affects us not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally as well. So much in such a small time space! On this podcast I'm speaking with Dr. Taylor Hahn, a menopause specialist, who answers many of your questions about what is going on and how can we manage our menopause in helpful and healthy ways. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #89 Mid-Life Teenage Angst #281 Mid-Life Sexuality with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife #315 Mid-Life Crisis? Yes, Please! Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion.  You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

For many of us, fun is something that became more elusive as we got older. We were so involved in making sure our children and our spouses were doing well, that they were learning and growing and having fun, that our own fun often got put on the back burner. And yet, having fun and engaging in play is an important part of our mental and emotional health and is also super important to our relationships. I recently discovered that I had some work to do around play, and it's helping me to feel more complete,  whole and happy. What about you? Where are you at in figuring out fun? Here are some questions to consider: What are you doing, just for you, that is fun? What do you do that energizes you? What are you doing that you lose track of time doing? What are you doing that feels productive and meaningful? If you have a partner, what are you doing with them that is fun? What do the two of you do that energizes you, that feels productive and meaningful, and that you lose track of time doing? How can you add more play into your engagement with your partner? How can you enjoy being with them more? Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #37 Self-Care #78 Playing Small #86 Is Self-Care Being Selfish? #169 What Don't You Want? #186 Are You Committed or Just Interested? #226 The Best Is Yet To Come #238 Overflow #249 Finding Rest #280 Living In Alignment Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion.  You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Many of us think that if we could just take a confidence pill that everything in our life would be different, because confidence impacts our courage to step into new and sometimes scary situations and to take risks that could make our lives better. And yet, we all have confidence. Sometimes that confidence is just in things, but what we mostly struggle with is confidence in our SELVES. The confidence to believe that regardless of the outcome we will figure it out and have our own backs and still love and appreciate ourselves. When we can learn to have confidence in us, then our lives become more of what we want them to be. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #11 I Am Enough #35 Self-Esteem #82 Courage and Fear #107 Why Our Thoughts Are So Important #113 Self-Acceptance #114 Confidence #137 Not Enough? Not True #260 Your Lovability and Your Love Ability #305 When We Don't Feel Good Enough #327 Learning to Love Your Human Self #331 Sense of Self #332 Sense of Self – It's All In Your Head #333 Sense of Self and Dating #334 Sense of Self and Marriage #335 Sense of Self and Parenting #336 Sense of Self and Our Spirituality #337 Sense of Self and Our Sexuality #349 It's Okay If People Don't Like You Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion.  You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Sione and I are just hitting our third anniversary. On this podcast we share what we have learned and incorporated this last year regarding how curiosity creates a safe space. Learning to slow down, to pause before responding, to remember that this is the person we love the most and choosing to show up curious and kind and compassionate have been important for us in creating a relationship that is remarkable. We can treat our partner with love and kindness and avoid the blaming, accusing, attacking, and criticizing trap. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #103 The Case for Curiosity #173 A Space For Grace #258 Communication That Connects #286 How Miscommunication Destroys Relationships #295 Safety in the Relationship Circle #296 Creating More Safety in Your Relationship #301 The Primitive Brain Problem #307 Curiosity, Not Criticism #326 Stop Being Right, Start Being Safe #344 Are You a Safe Place for Vulnerability? #346 How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion.  You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Sometimes we go into a one-down space and spin in shame, other times we might go into a one-up space and justify our poor behavior by blaming others, both responses that harm our relationships. When we can, instead, approach our struggles from an ‘all people are equal' mentality, we have the capacity to offer ourselves grace for our humanity. Understanding that all people are humans who make mistakes, who are figuring it out, levels the playing field and gives us permission to offer ourselves and others grace for those human moments. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #34 Self-Compassion #39 Guilt & Shame #148 Grace & Grudges in Our Relationships # 216 One-Up and One-Down Behaviors #225 Shame, Blame, and Disempowerment # 242 Circling Back Around #267 Should & Shame #290 Resentment and Contempt in Our Relationships #331 Sense of Self #332 Sense of Self – It's All in Your Head #333 Sense of Self and Dating #334 Sense of Self and Marriage #335 Sense of Self and Parenting #347 The Self Care of Relationship Repair   Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion.  You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Divorce is one of those experiences that kicks you in the chest and knocks you on your butt, and it can be so difficult to get back up. And yet, at some point we have to get back up and step back into life. And though it's a tough road, it isn't impossible and it doesn't have to take forever. In this podcast I share some of my own insights about my divorce and four suggestions on how you can get back up on your feet feeling stronger and more capable than ever before. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #22 Divorce and the Kids Part 1 #23 Divorce and the Kids Part 2 #32 My Divorce Decision #90 Divorce Trauma #119 FAQs About My Divorce #125 Love It Before You Leave It #167 I Didn't Sign Up for This #170 Rewriting Your Divorce Story #187 Growing Up After Divorce #213 Growing Up After Divorce – An Interview with Jody Moore #222 When You Are Considering Divorce #268 Drama Response #291 Divorce and Self-Worth #292 Healing and Moving Forward After Divorce #312 Divorce Is Not the End, part 1 #313 Divorce Is Not the End, part 2 #328 Divorce Indecision Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion.  You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

All of us have people who don't like us, even if we are the most kind and Christlike person we know.  It's just part of our human experience. When we can learn to accept other people's agency to not like us, we can let go of self-defeating behaviors like people-pleasing, perfectionist tendencies, trying to buy their love with time, money, energy, or resources, or beating ourselves up for ‘not being enough.' The stronger our sense of self, the more we don't need other people liking us, or validating us, to feel valuable and of worth. It really is okay if other people don't like you. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #77 Other People's Opinions #92 Clean Love #220 Being Low Maintenance #230 People-Pleasing #257 Other People's Agency #268 Drama Response #270 People Pleasing and Kindness - What's the Difference? #272 Stay In Your Own Lane #305 When We Don't Feel Good Enough #327 Learning to Love Your Human Self #331 Sense of Self #332 Sense of Self – It's All In Your Head #333 Sense of Self and Dating #334 Sense of Self and Marriage #335 Sense of Self and Parenting Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion.  You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Expectation is a funny word. It means that we think something should happen a certain way or that someone should behave in a certain way, two things we rarely, if ever, have control over. What I've found is that expectations I have are often a cause of shame for the other person, and also for me. And shame is never a productive emotion. And yet, it's hard not to have expectations. So, how do we move away from the expectations we feel entitled to have and instead offer more grace for humanity and more kindness for struggle? Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #148 Grace and Grudges in Our Relationships #216 One-Up and One-Down Relationships #227 Staying in Your Own Lane #241 Forgiving Others #257 Other People's Agency #268 Drama Response #290 Resentment and Contempt in Our Relationships #304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion.  You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

All relationships struggle, so all relationships need repair. Knowing how to repair is an essential skill for creating healthy and happy relationships, and that darn ego of ours can make it so difficult to show up in loving and kind ways because it wants to be right and it wants to prove to our spouse how wrong they are. But learning to show up creating a safe space for our spouse, especially in the context of a relationship struggle, is a valuable relationship tool that will change the trajectory of your relationship, while at the same time providing you with the self-care necessary to increase your sense of self and continue to show up better and better. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 3 Resolving Conflict 37 Self-Care 86 Is Self-Care Being Selfish? 92 Clean Love 110 The Cost of Being Right 118 100% Responsibility 151 Connection 161 Developing More Intimacy in Your Relationships 167 I Didn't Sign Up for This 219 The Truth About the Struggle 242 Circling Back Around 244 The Relationship Circle 245 Transactional Relationships 251 Contention is a Choice 282 What We A re Really Fighting About 289 Why Our Relationships Need Validation 295 Safety in the Relationship Circle 296 Creating More Safety in Your Relationship 326 Stop Being Right, Start Being Safe 331 – 337 Sense of Self series Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion.  You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

I love Viktor Frankl's quote “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” I am reminded by this that my power, my strength, and my freedom is created in the space between the stimulus (circumstance) and my response (my actions). But sometimes that space can seem so, so, so small.  We can tend to react impulsively, without thought, rather than responding thoughtfully. How do we increase the space, so we respond with intention, with valued alignment, rather than reacting with without thought? This podcast talks about how. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 26 Taking Offense 77 Other People's Opinions 163 Difficult People 175 Happy No-Drama Holidays to You 231 Other People's Pain 274 When We Behave Badly 280 Living in Alignment 301 The Primitive Brain Problem 307 Curiosity, Not Criticism 326 Stop Being Right, Start Being Safe Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion.  You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Just as women were raised with societal ideas and expectations around their sexuality, so were men. And so many of these ideas are actually harmful, and even destructive, to the emotional intimacy we desire in our relationships. In this podcast my husband, Sione, shares the concepts and ideas around sexuality that he learned growing up and how he learned to address them to create the emotional connection we now share.   Download Transcript Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 281 Mid-Life Sexuality with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife 337 Sense of Self and Sexuality Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion.  You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Learning how to be vulnerable can be a scary and tough skill to acquire. So can learning to let other people in our lives be vulnerable. Because when others show up vulnerable, it can shake our ideas about who they are, it can shift our relationships, and it can challenge our own difficult emotions. But relationships will only thrive toward greater intimacy when we are vulnerable and when we create a safe space for the other person to be vulnerable as well. Learning to allow and even embrace others' vulnerability is the next step to greater emotional intimacy in your relationships. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 190 Protective Walls 215 Being Seen and Being Heard 284 Why Vulnerability Matters 295 Safety in the Relationship Circle 296 Creating More Safety in Your Relationship 341 Choosing to be All In 342 What Does Vulnerability Look Like? Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion.  You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Many of us grew up in homes where we didn't receive any training about vulnerability in relationships. We were fairly uneducated about emotions, and it is very detrimental in our marriage relationships. My previous 24-year marriage struggled with a severe lack of vulnerability, and today we're talking about why that was such a problem and the difference vulnerability will make in your emotional intimacy. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 190 Protective Walls 215 Being Seen and Heard 242 Circling Back Around 341 Choosing to be All In 343 What Does Vulnerability Look Like? Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion.  You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

If we are going to be all-in in our relationships, we have to be vulnerable, and that can feel super scary.  Sometimes it's difficult because we are in a new relationship and it can be hard to be the one to make the first move. Sometimes it's difficult because our decades-long relationship is struggling and it's been a very long time since we were vulnerable with each other. But until we truly step into vulnerability, we will never create the deep, intimate, connected relationship we crave. So, how do we start being more vulnerable? That's what we're talking about today. You can find an Emotional Wheel here. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 190 Protective Walls 215 Being Seen and Being Heard 239 How to Own Your Own 242 Circling Back Around 284 Why Vulnerability Matters 314 When Setting Boundaries Is Hard 341 Choosing to Be All-In Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are two options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Relationships can be hard. If we have created a pprotective pattern over the years, we may find that we are in a pattern of leaning out emotionally in our marriage and not having the intimate connection that we inwardly crave. When we choose to be all-in, we take a risk in our relationship, but it is also the only way to open a door that makes emotional intimacy an option. There aren't any guarantees how your spouse will show up when you choose to lean in, but I promise, you will be a better person on the other side of you couraging up and being all in regardless of the outcome. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 92 Clean Love 111 Checklist Relationship 125 Love It Before You Leave It 183 Taking Risks and Becoming 201 The Tolerable Life 271 Equal Partnerships 284 Why Vulnerability Matters 299 Love Is Not a Reward 309 What An Equal Relationship Looks Like 331 Sense of Self 332 Sense of Self - It's All In Your Head 334 Sense of Self and Marriage Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are two options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

When a woman has devoted so many years to being a stay-at-home mom and then the kids grow up and leave, she will often feel as though she is floundering a bit to get her feet underneath her.  What are her next steps? How does she enter the workforce with not a lot of 'working outside the home' experience in the last 30 years?  Angela Ashurst-McGee is a career coach who focuses on helping women in this exact situation enter the 'working world' in the best way possible. Here are some great things to know about Angela: Angela Ashurst-McGee is a Certified Professional Resume Writer (CPRW) and the creator of Upword Resume, a premium resume-writing service for professionals who want to keep their career moving onward and upward. In the last 15 years, the Upword Resume team has written resumes and LinkedIn profiles for everyone from blue collar workers and new grads to Fortune 50 executives and serial entrepreneurs. Angela is a firm believer that a good job isn't just a good paycheck—it's a key to our deeper dreams of creating value and making the world a better place. She is an advocate and reformer who loves bringing clarity, confidence, and optimism to Upword Resume' clients. Angela is the mother to six teens and young adults and lives in Mapleton, Utah. You can find Angela at: https://upwordresume.com/blog https://upwordresume.com/career-re-entry-resume-service/ On LinkedIn, Instagram, and Facebook @upwordresume Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 89 Mid-Life Teenage Angst 128 Growing Up Into Middle-Age 184 Excited About Middle-Age 261 No  More Growing Old Gracefully with Kwavi Agbeyegbe 315 Mid-Life Crisis? Yes, Please! Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are two options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

There are so many things we love about the holiday season, the decorations, the gifts, the music, the family getting together. . . well maybe not always the family because, well, drama. But what if we could have holidays without all the drama?  What if we could just enjoy the people, the conversations, the sentiments and the season for what we really want them to be? Today we're going to talk about just how to do that - how to show up in a way where we can sit on the sofa after it's all over and just feel really satisfied with who we were. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 26 Taking Offense 77 Other People's Opinions 163 Difficult People 181 6 Tips For a Happier Holiday 231 Other People's Pain Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are two options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

I believe that the holiday season is one of the greatest reasons for stress and anxiety for a lot of people. Today I have 6 really practical tips for you on how you can step back from the stress, spread yourself a little thicker, and really enjoy your holidays this year. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 26 Taking Offense 77 Other People's Opinions 163 Difficult People 175 Happy No-Drama Holidays to You 231 Other People's Pain Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are two options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

God created us to be sexual beings. Through a lot of social conditioning in the 70s and 80s (and probably before, but I wasn't there), we got a lot of mixed messages about our sexuality as women, and one of them was not that as women we were created to be sexual and find a lot of pleasure and enjoyment there. From this conditioning, many of us struggle to be at peace with our sexuality and to engage in healthy and happy sexuality. When we have a strong sense of self, we are more fully capable of addressing these challenging conditioned thoughts and moving into a more whole version of ourselves that includes healthy sexuality.   Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 29 Validation 34 Self-Compassion 46 Choosing to Love Yourself 78 Playing Small 104 Cultivating Self-Love 105 Self-Love In Our Past, Present, and Future 106 Fierce Self-Love 113 Self-Acceptance 114 Confidence 137 Not Enough? Not True 215 Being Seen and Being Heard 247 The Value in Knowing Our Value 260 Your Lovability and Your Love Ability 281 Mid-Life Sexuality with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife 293 Dating in Mid-life 304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives 327 Learning to Love Your Human Self 331 Sense of Self 332 Sense of Self - It's All In Your Head 333 Sense of Self and Dating 334 Sense of Self and Marriage 335 Sense of Self and Parenting 336 Sense of Self and Spirituality Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

How does our sense of self impact our spirituality, or our ability to connect with God? Significantly. When we have a strong sense of self we see ourselves as worthy of God's love, deserving of His mercy, and accepting of His grace.  When we have a struggling sense of self we don't beieve that God could love us and forgive us for our human frailties. Though God is always there with love and an outstretched hand, our feelings of worth and confidence will determine whether we are willing and able to reach out and accept what He is offering us. Our connection to God, our spirituality, is determined not by what God is offering, but by what we are willing to accept. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 29 Validation 34 Self-Compassion 46 Choosing to Love Yourself 78 Playing Small 104 Cultivating Self-Love 105 Self-Love In Our Past, Present, and Future 106 Fierce Self-Love 113 Self-Acceptance 114 Confidence 137 Not Enough? Not True 215 Being Seen and Being Heard 247 The Value in Knowing Our Value 260 Your Lovability and Your Love Ability 304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives 327 Learning to Love Your Human Self 331 Sense of Self 332 Sense of Self - It's All In Your Head 333 Sense of Self and Dating 334 Sense of Self and Marriage 335 Sense of Self and Parenting   Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Having a strong sense of self is so valuable in our parenting journey.  It allows for us to have healthy, strong, and beautiful relationships with our children, where a struggling sense of self breaks down our relationships and actually creates more struggle with our sense of self.  The work we do to develop our sense of self will allow us to have better boundaries with our adult children and also stop people-pleasing in an effort to earn their love and acceptance.  This strong sense of self empowers us to honor their agency and not feel threatened or insecure when they choose paths that we weren't anticipating.  We just can't go wrong with a healthy sense of self. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 29 Validation 34 Self-Compassion 46 Choosing to Love Yourself 99 Parenting Adult Children 104 Cultivating Self-Love 105 Self-Love In Our Past, Present, and Future 106 Fierce Self-Love 113 Self-Acceptance 129 Parenting Discomfort 157 Friend-Zoning Your Adult Children 180 Better Relationships with Our Adult Children 182 How Our 'Wayward' Children Bless Our Lives 202 Pain, Peace, and Parenting Disengaged Adult Children 237 You'll Never Be Enough for Your Children 260 Your Lovability and Your Love Ability 304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives 318 The Challenge of Parenting Adult Children 327 Learning to Love Your Human Self 331 Sense of Self 332 Sense of Self - It's All In Your Head 333 Sense of Self and Dating 334 Sense of Self and Marriage Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

This week we are continuing with our discussions about sense of self, and focusing on how it impacts our marriages.  It is really difficult, if not impossible, to have a strong, healthy, intimately connected marriage relationship if we don't have a strong sense of self.  When we have an underdeveloped sense of self, we lessen our capacity to really love and accept the other person and we severly limit our ability to do the repair work that is inevitable and so important to our marriage, two things that are vital for deep, intimate connection.  Let's dig a little deeper so we can clean some things up, shall we? Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 29 Validation 34 Self-Compassion 46 Choosing to Love Yourself 78 Playing Small 104 Cultivating Self-Love 105 Self-Love In Our Past, Present, and Future 106 Fierce Self-Love 113 Self-Acceptance 114 Confidence 137 Not Enough? Not True 162 My 90-day Relationship 198 My Last 90 Day Relationship 215 Being Seen and Being Heard 247 The Value in Knowing Our Value 260 Your Lovability and Your Love Ability 293 Dating in Mid-life 294 The 90-day Relationship How To 304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives 327 Learning to Love Your Human Self 331 Sense of Self 332 Sense of Self - It's All In Your Head 333 Sense of Self and Dating Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Continuing on with our sense of self series, today we are applying it to dating. When we have a strong sense of self, we approach dating with courage, confidence, and conviction. We aren't afraid of saying 'no' or being rejected. That's not to say we love it when it happens, but it doesn't rock our world because we understand that people's preferences don't mean anything about us. A strong sense of self approaches dating from an abundance mindset, while a reflective sense of self approaches it from a scarcity mindset.  And a scarcity mindset will set us up for a struggling relationship, while an abundance mindset will more naturally steer clear of people who won't be a good fit, and we won't be willing to 'settle'.  A strong sense of self is the key to having a fun and successful dating in mid-life experience. Thanks for listening! Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/ Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 29 Validation 34 Self-Compassion 46 Choosing to Love Yourself 78 Playing Small 104 Cultivating Self-Love 105 Self-Love In Our Past, Present, and Future 106 Fierce Self-Love 113 Self-Acceptance 114 Confidence 137 Not Enough? Not True 162 My 90-day Relationship 198 My Last 90 Day Relationship 215 Being Seen and Being Heard 247 The Value in Knowing Our Value 260 Your Lovability and Your Love Ability 293 Dating in Mid-life 294 The 90-day Relationship How To 304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives 327 Learning to Love Your Human Self 331 Sense of Self 332 Sense of Self - It's All In Your Head  

This week we arae digging deeper into what our sense of self is and seeing how either a reflective sense of self or a solid sense of self show up in our lives.  All of the work we do here on the podcast stems from a solid sense of self, so as we clean up our thoughts and get more clear on who we are, how we are, and why we are, we can be more empowered to create the life and the relationships we truly desire.  Want to know how to strengthen your sense of self?  We also talk here today about six things you can do to begin to move toward a more solid sense of self. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 11 I Am Enough 29 Validation 36 Belonging and Fitting In 46 Choosing to Love Yourself 86 Is Self-Care Being Selfish? 118 100% Responsibility 130 Exploring Our Darkness 179 Being Kind to Yourself 215 Being Seen and Being Heard 232 Feeling Empowered 247 The Value in Knowing Our Value 287 Equality in Your Relationships and Your Self-Worth 305 When We Don't Feel Good Enough 310 Understanding Our Adaptive Child - 'US' - by Terrence Real 327 Learning to Love Your Human Self 331 Sense of Self Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Our sense of self, how we see ourselves, how we understand ourselves, and how we accept ourselves is core to our capacity to show up in healthy ways in our lives.  When we have a strong sense of self, all aspects of our lives run more smoothly, from our personal growth and happiness to our ability to have happier and more successful relationships.  When we have an under-developed sense of self, all aspects of our lives will struggle.  We will constantly be floundering in our personal lives, in our relationships, and in all of the other things we engage in.  We will not have that underlying sense of calm and peace, the fulfillment and satisfaction with the paths we are on.  In this episode, we are laying the foundation for understanding what our sense of self is and where it comes from, and in the next few episodes, we will explore more in-depth how to strengthen our sense of self. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 11 I Am Enough 29 Validation 36 Belonging and Fitting In 46 Choosing to Love Yourself 86 Is Self-Care Being Selfish? 118 100% Responsibility 130 Exploring Our Darkness 179 Being Kind to Yourself 215 Being Seen and Being Heard 232 Feeling Empowered 247 The Value in Knowing Our Value 287 Equality in Your Relationships and Your Self-Worth 305 When We Don't Feel Good Enough 310 Understanding Our Adaptive Child - 'US' - by Terrence Real 327 Learning to Love Your Human Self   Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Many of us, when we get divorced, create a story about our ex that keeps us stuck.  And even if you're not divorced, you may have a story about your current marriage or family that keeps you stuck.  Stuck in victim mentality, where you feel disempowered and at the mercy of someone else to change before you can feel better.  Very often, we can't change the circumstances of our lives, but we can change the perspective, the story we tell ourselves, about the circumstance, and that has the power to move us forward and get us unstuck.  It's a concept that is powerful in any strained relationship in your life. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 31 Choosing Your Life 122 Your Story About You 123 Your Thoughts About You 291 Divorce and Self-Worth 250 Being a Victim 263 Greatest Hits - Being a Martyr 264 Greatest Hits - Still Being a Martyr 292 Healing and Moving Forward After Divorce 312 Divorce Is Not the End, Part 1 313 Divorce Is Not the End, Part 2   Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/  

In his book, The New Rules of Marriage, Terrence Real talks about five losing strategies that we often use in our marriages.  I think all of us are guilty of using these, but when we are aware of what they are, and are willing to see how we have and do use them in our relationships, we can start to clean up our thinking and our behaviors and really start to create relationships that are intimate and strong, and partnerships that are equal and engaging.

Some decisions are harder than others.  Everyone I have worked with or talked to who has gotten divorced says that their decision to do it was the hardest one of their life.  Whether it's divorce, or another decision that is super difficult for you to make, understanding why it's difficult and how you can process all the pieces is a valuable part for helping you to make that final decision, whether it's to stay or to go.

Why is it that we can be so hard on ourselves for being human?  We were created, by God, to be a human, and yet we can have such a difficult time embracing our imperfect humanity.  When we can instead embrace our humanity, love the learning journey, and praise the imperfect path, we will not only grow faster and with more comfort, but we will enjoy the life journey we are on.  

We all seem to have this innate drive and desire to be right.  And yet, there's a pattern I often see that the more we are right in a relationship, the weaker the relationship is.  This is because we often push our being right on others at the expense of them feeling safe.  They feel judged, criticized, and maybe angry, but not safe.  And creating safety in our relationships is a vital part of creating a healthy relationship.   Want to set up a free 90-min. consultation with me to get coached and find out if coaching is a good fit for you?  Go to https://www.tanyahale.com/site/consultation and make that happen. If you haven't signed up for my Weekend Win, a short weekend email with great coaching concepts, go to https://www.tanyahale.com/contact to start receiving those.

Remember the analogy about filling our buckets?  I don't love that one.  And the reason I don't is because I feel it leaves us always in a scramble for keeping out buckets full since we're always emptying them out with acts of service.  So, here's an idea for you.  How about if we move into a space of overflow, where our service for others comes from our overflow rather than from our bucket?  How do we get to this space of overflow?  That's what we're going to talk about in today's podcast.

It can be super easy to slide into a life that we're not passionate about.  I've heard so many people say that their life isn't what they want, but it's okay.  They have leearned to tolerate a life that feels far below what their spirit is aching for.  And that's not okay.  You have great things to do and amazing contributions to make in this world, and it won't happen when you are living a tolerable life.  Moving out of this life requires courage and a boatload of work, but it is so worth it when you feel a deep fulfillment and a 'coming home' to who you are meant to be.  So, how do we stop tolerating a life that we don't love?  We start to recognize when and where we're tolerating and we courage up to creating movement.  Let's do this!

Often in middle age we get really comfortable, and in that comfort, we neglect that inner voice inside of us that says we still have great things to do, that there is still growth and understanding for us to move into.  And yet, it can feel scary to listen to that voice and courage up and do something different.  But until we do, we will never find the deep joy and satisfaction that life has to offer.

One of the most important things we can do when we want to grow personally is to learn to be honest with ourselves.  And when we rely upon the phrase, 'I don't know' when things come up for us, we are being dodgy.  We are not being honest with ourselves because, we really do know.  Sometimes it's just painful and a lot of work to look deep within ourselves to see what we need to see.  And this resistance to self-awareness keeps us stuck.  Let's explore why and how this works and how to move into the deeper work of figuring it out.

Last week we revisited a concept called 'clean love', a space where we learn to love without expectations of others.  A question I frequently get when discussing clean love is, 'But aren't there inherent expectations in relationships, such as a marriage?'  The answer to that is absolutely.  So, in this episode, we are going to be discussing how to have clean love and also have expectations in our relationships for the best possible outcomes.

Today we are revisiting episode #92 Clean Love.  This is one of my favorite concepts that I teach about, and for those of you who haven't gotten that far back in listening, here's your chance to catch up on this concept.  Clean love is a space where we learn to love without expectation, without an agenda, something that many of us don't know how to do, and may not even be aware that we are loving with conditions.  When we can learn to clean up our love, we show up better, and we have more clarity around our relationships and how and when boundaries can be important.

Many of us were raised to believe that not rocking the boat was the best bet for happy relationships, and yet, from my experience, not rocking the boat created an unequal relationship that caused feelings of either resentment or contempt in my relationship, both of which were very destructive.  Rocking the boat is not only necessary, but also an important part in any healthy relationship, and yet we also want to make sure we are sending gentle waves and not a huge tsunami.  So how do we do that?  Listen in and see!

We hear a lot of talk about how hard it is to raise toddlers and teenagers, but not many of us were prepared for the challenges of having adult children.  In this episode we are discussing five reasons it can be so challenging and how to work through them so you can be the kind of person you really want to be with your adult children. Want to check out some more podcasts about adult children? #99 Parenting Adult Children #129 Parenting Discomfort #157 Friend-Zoning Your Adult Children #180 Better Relationships With Our Adult Children #182 How Our 'Wayward' Children Bless Our Lives #202 Pain, Peace, and Parenting Disengaged Adult Children #237 You'll Never Be Enough For Your Children #314 When Boundaries Are Hard    

In recent years, fawning has been added to the survival responses of flight, flight, and freeze. While fight is a conflict strategy and flight and freeze are avoidant strategies, fawning is referred to as an appeasement strategy.  When we fawn we seek to bring ourselves into alignment with the other person, who our brains perceive as a threat, by people-pleasing, saying yes when we want to say no, or doing what it takes to avoid conflict. Though fawning can work out well short-term by diffusing the situation, it makes it impossible for us to create healthy relationships.  Understanding what fawning is, why we do it, and how to stop is an important conversation.

Sometimes the decisions we need to make feel overwhelming and super scary.  And because of that we hesitate and procrastinate, and we drag it out and cause ourselves extra hours, days, weeks, months, or even years of angst as we struggle to make the decision.  How can we find the confidence to make decisions easier and faster?  And how will we know if the decision we make is right?  The answer to those question lies in our SELF confidence.

People having a mid-life crisis is common enough that it is often the focus of movies and tv shows, memes and jokes.  It is often portrayed as middle-aged people buying expensive cars or running off and having an affair.  But a mid-life crisis does not need to be something that brings down the financial well-being or the family.  If we understand it and approach it from the inside, rather than the outside, it can be an amazing turning point in our lives for tapping into our life's possibility, of creating a renewed zest and energy for life that feels amazing.  In that context, I absolutely say 'Yes, please!' to a mid-life crisis.

Setting healthy boundaries is an important part in every relationship, and sometimes, it is just so hard.  When the other person is not happy about the boundary, when they get angry or make accusations or threats, it can be so challenging to stick with what we feel is important for our relationship.  So, when we get pushback from those few special people in our lives, how can we hold to the boudaries that we decided to set?  

This week I get to interview my husband, Sione, on his experience with moving forward after divorce.  Though it can often feel as though divorce is the end, and it absolutely is in some ways, it can also be the beginning of greater self-awareness, cleaning up your dysfunctional behaviors, and creating a life, and even a relationship, you could only dream about when you were in the thick of a really difficult marriage.

Divorce is tough, and when it happens to you, it can be devastating, and it can feel like the end.  And to be honest, in many ways it is. But divorce can also be the beginning of finding yourself in a way you never have before.  It can be the beginning of understanding who you really are and how you can grow into a healtheir and happier version of yourself.  In this episode I am talking with my good friend and fellow life coach Wendy Lee Johnson about her divorce journey and how what seemed like the end, really turned into the beginning of an incredible life journey.  You can find Wendy at www.wendyleejohnsoncoaching.com or on her podcast 'Parenting the Tough Stuff.'

There are parts of our relationships that we would consider 'business', and parts that we would consider 'personal'.  When we get the two all jumbled together, we end up with a lot of drama and miscommunication.  On this podcast I'm talking with my great friend and fellow coach Wendy Lee Johnson about how we can recognize these two aspects of our relationships and approach them differently to strengthen them.  Check her out at www.wendyleejohnsoncoaching.com and on her podcast 'Parenting the Tough Stuff'.