The How Not To Screw Up Your Kids podcast is for parents, grandparents, educators, and anyone else who wants to be part of a movement to raise confident children who grow up believing in themselves. The greatest gift we can give our children is self-belief. It will get them further in life than any qualification and is absolutely possible for each and every child; we just need the right information and support around us to teach them. The old saying ‘it takes a village to raise a child†couldn’t be more true than now. Parenting has got a whole lot harder; not just because we are busier than ever but because our children are growing up in an ever changing, fast-paced world, which is so different to the one we grew up in. Our children have more pressure to be better, look better, do better, and in a world where lives are so publicly scrutinised and commented on through social media it’s really no wonder we’re seeing mental health problems sky rocketing amongst children, teens, and young adults. What you can expect from this podcast are honest conversations about parenting. We’ll talk confidence resilience, anxiety, managing tech, and all the topics you’d expect as well blowing the lid off the widely help misconception that children are innately resilient. They’re not! This podcast is for people who want to get real about parenting. You understand it can get messy sometimes and aren’t afraid to admit it. I have had more than my fair share of messy and I will no doubt share these with you along the way. I won’t dress things up but I will always give you something practical to take away and use in each and every episode. My guests and experts will be real people who have overcome their own adversities and bring with them a message to us as parents, as well as inspiring stories. So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation.
Should I give my children pocket money?How much is enough?Should they have to earn it through chores?Knowing how much, when, and what can feel like a tricky minefield when thinking about pocket money for our kids. Some of you might decide simply not to do it, and that's ok too.I can't give you the right answer, because only you know what's best for your family, but in this bucket emptying episode, I'm going to share five benefits of pocket money, from emotional regulation to financial skills, that might just help you find the answers you're looking for.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:09 - Linking pocket money to chores03:30 - Don't eat the marshmallow!05:29 - Opportunity cost08:36 - Pocket money builds emotional regulation11:04 - Finance and social conscience
Did you know 1 in 3 children have little or no confidence?Did you know girls are more likely to downplay their confidence?And did you know that children from non-white and minority ethnic groups are likely to have less confidence than their white male friends?Today I speak to Kathryn McColl, co-founder of Hark, the education agency that delivers programmes to over 90% of UK schools. Hark recently published their Listen Up report, which collected anonymous data from 1,400 children across the UK to better understand what they call the ‘confidence crisis.'I drill down into some of their jaw-dropping insights, including the above, as we discuss why confidence appears to be on the decline among young people.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Connect with Kathryn:More about Hark - https://harklondon.com/ Get the Listen Up Report - https://harklondon.com/listen-up/ Connect on LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/kathryn-mccoll-5a918329/ Highlights from this episode:02:32 - What is Hark?05:43 - Confidence means opportunity11:08 - The impact of role models15:11 - Transitioning from primary to secondary school21:46 - Friction teaches confidence27:09 - Post exam stress29:37 - Girls hide their confidence33:37 - The confidence ladder
From gentle parenting to FAFO, social media bombards us with content about the latest trends, so how do you really know what works and what doesn't?In today's bucket emptying episode, I talk you through some of the biggest parenting trends, and explain how they can be impacting you, and the ways in which you might then choose to parent your own kids.Because parenting is all-consuming. It's a 24/7/365 gig, and the trends of day, whether we subscribe to them or not, can feel like they define us as parents. I'm here to tell you they don't!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:48 - FAFO Parenting03:30 - Are we defined by the trends?06:23 - Labels take away the overwhelm09:56 - There's no one size fits all approach12:35 - Parental intuition15:22 - Science vs media
Mental health is not just a buzz word, and oftentimes it goes hand in hand with physical health. But because we can't see mental health, as parents it can be so easy to procrastinate these important conversations that provide a safe, supportive space for our children to really get honest with us.Whether you're listening to this during Children's Mental Health week or at any other time of the year, these practical tips will really help you to kickstart conversations about mental health with your family.It might not be easy, and it might take some time, but I promise you if you persevere and remain patient, your kids will eventually feel comfortable enough to talk to you.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Mentioned in this episode:Children's Mental Health Week: https://www.childrensmentalhealthweek.org.uk/ Highlights from this episode:01:15 - Physical health IS mental health03:41 - I've noticed that…07:17 - How are you feeling?10:30 - Use books15:09 - Teachable moments16:38 - Talk out loud18:46 - 3 things to consider
A sense of belonging is a basic human need. Without it can lead to loneliness, depression and many other mental and physical health issues.So to celebrate Children's Mental Health Week, the theme of which this year is ‘this is my place', I am going to give you five tips to help your children build their sense of belonging, because the world is a better place with them in it, and it's our job as parents to help them believe that.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Mentioned in this episode:Children's Mental Health Week: https://www.childrensmentalhealthweek.org.uk/ Attachment Theory: https://drmaryhan.com/episode/attachment-theory/ Highlights from this episode:00:28 - Children's Mental Health Week02:21 - Attachment theory05:48 - Emotional availability09:27 - Help them to explore11:58 - Don't diminish their interests14:05 - Belonging starts at home16:32 - You are important
From the 8 Plus to A-Levels, exams can be a stressful experience… often as much for you, the parent, as the kids.You want the best for them, and of course you want them to do well, but it's important to make sure we create a supportive environment, and not inadvertently add to the pressure.That's why, in this important episode, I'm going to talk you through the dos and do nots of navigating exam season, and give you a bunch of super practical advice, which you can use right away.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:26 - It comes down to two things03:17 - Stay in your own lane07:29 - How to overcome self-sabotage12:29 - Supercharge your revision17:12 - Talk to your children21:15 - A balanced routine includes time for fun24:23 - Rest and restore27:17 - Support ought to be directed by the child, not us30:37 - What not to do35:28 - Trust their process!
In this bucket emptying episode, I look a bit closer at my conversation with Professor Sam Wass, who you may recognise from such TV shows as The Secret Life of 4 Year Olds. He is is currently Director of the Institute for the Science of Early Years at the University of East London.In last week's interview he spoke to us at length about his research, but in today's episode I want to drill down just a little more into some of his comments on emotional coregulation, and I'm going to share my own thoughts and some useful tips which you can put into action right away.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…More about Sam and his work:Website: https://www.profsamwass.com/ Useful research: https://www.profsamwass.com/tweet-threads/ Institute for the Science & Early Years of Youth: https://www.isey.org/ct-for-ey-and-schools Highlights from this episode:01:25 - Sam Wass on emotional coregulation07:00 - Stress contagion11:17 - Matching our children's state14:24 - Meet them where they're at
Does your child ever get worked up, and you find it escalates super fast but feel powerless to bring them down from that ledge?Every parent has been there, but it's only in recent years that we have really begun to understand the reasons why, and it's all about neuroscience.Children's brains are changing and developing all the time, which means as parents it can be so difficult to keep up, and know how to support them with things like emotional regulation, so I want to talk though some of these challenges and give you some practical advice that I hope will help you and your family.To have this conversation I am joined by Professor Sam Wass, who you may recognise from such TV shows as The Secret Life of 4 Year Olds. He is is currently Director of the Institute for the Science of Early Years at the University of East London, and shares some of his expertise, to help us all understand some of the science behind emotional regulation.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…More about Sam and his work:Website: https://www.profsamwass.com/ Useful research: https://www.profsamwass.com/tweet-threads/ Institute for the Science & Early Years of Youth: https://www.isey.org/ct-for-ey-and-schools Highlights from this episode:04:10 - Measuring brain stem activity08:08 - Nature versus nurture13:18 - Panic disorders17:20 - Long term effects of children in high stress states21:23 - Brain stem arousal is trending up25:29 - You're only still when you're dead31:25 - Children hate broccoli because of science35:18 - We're going on a bear hunt42:33 - Quadrants48:00 - Mums and dads play differently53:29 - Co-regulating59:14 - Stress contagion
“I can't do it!” - as parents we hear this all the time.Our children are learning new skills and experiencing new things every day, which means they are always facing things they've never done before. This can be scary, and often our kids might think they can't do it or they're not good enough.That's why building resilience is so important. It gives them the foundation they need to persevere, to fail without fear, and to find that inner strength when things feel tough or challenging.In today's bucket emptying I'm going to share five things you can do to create that shift, and help to build that resilience. And the best part: these are things you can start doing right now.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:49 - Non-friction06:23 - Modelling resilience08:19 - Curated friction10:20 - Boredom please12:44 - Conflict is friction14:16 - Don't rush in to fix setbacks
Why won't my kids go to sleep at their bed time?It doesn't matter if your child is 2 or 20, every parent in the world will ask themselves this question, because sometimes, even if we stick to the routine, they just won't settle down and get in bed.In this episode I continue our discussion around sleep, sharing some of the ways in which overtiredness can impact our kids and what you can do about it. Plus, I explain how things like puberty, technology and other factors have a bigger impact than you might realise.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:37 - Blankets and putty03:50 - Chronic sleep deprivation09:10 - Puberty and hormones12:27 - The emotional tank18:06 - Sibling dynamics and room sharing22:25 - Over scheduling26:02 - How to tackle overtiredness
New year is my favourite time of year.It's a chance for us to turn a blank page and make conscious changes in our lives. Maybe you want to improve your health, or perhaps you have certain career goals, or maybe you just want to save for that dream family holiday.Whatever it is you set out to do this year, it all comes down to one thing: habits.Saving money is a habit.Eating better is a habit.Exercising more is a habit.Making time for yourself and your family… you guessed it, is a habit!So in this episode, I'm going to talk through how you can create positive new habits for yourself through stacking. By following this method, you can create super meaningful changes in your life by stacking small, easy new habits.The combined results over time can be life-changing!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:58 - New year, atomic habits02:16 - Focus on the system not the goal04:34 - The two types of results06:24 - The habit that works all of the time09:02 - Little steps for a big change10:34 - A profound reminder
It's bedtime. You've done all the right things. You followed the routine. There are no disruptions. And yet… the kids just won't go to sleep!We've all been there, which is why in this episode, the first of a two-part special, I am going to explore the hidden reasons your children might not sleep.Some of these things might be hiding in plain sight, and that's ok. Over the next two episodes I am going to show you what they are, and give you some practical tips to help you manage them, so that your little ones get to sleep as peacefully and as stress-free as possible.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:13 - I wish I knew this earlier…03:57 - The 3 main functions of sleep06:18 - 5 bedtime essentials08:32 - Cool rooms make better sleep12:36 - Morning bright light is crucial17:28 - Noise20:25 - The bedroom as a multipurpose space23:56 - Diet, hydration and timing30:16 - Physical activity and energy release
What did you do today?It's the question every parents asks when we pick our kids up from school, nursery, or wherever they've been. The response is usually ‘I don't know,' ‘nothing,' or a disinterested grunt or huff, am I right?Getting our kids to open up can be painful and frustrating, so in this bucket emptying episode I am sharing 10 questions that will get your children talking.These are everyday questions, but when used at the right time can be super powerful, and you can start using them right now.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:36 - Wrong questions, wrong time03:18 - What made you laugh?05:20 - What are you looking forward to?07:07 - Who did you help today?10:41 - What did you learn about yourself?11:52 - What did someone do that you admired?13:55 - What's the nicest thing someone has done for you?15:03 - What have you tried hard at today?16:54 - What are you grateful for?17:58 - What family rule or tradition would you like to create?19:33 - Complete this sentence…
It's said that comparison is the thief of joy, and there's truth to this.Whether it's your kids thinking their life is so unfair because their friends have phones, or go to parties and they're not allowed, to you as a parent constantly judging yourself against the other mums and dads at the school gate.In this episode, I show you how to avoid the dreaded comparison trap. I explain the five step response framework, share some helpful tips to stop you comparing yourself against other parents, and talk through some examples to help you put all of this into practice.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:57 - What are we doing wrong?04:37 - The five step response framework08:17 - When to say yes14:41 - Coping when the answer is no17:41 - Age appropriate conversations21:17 - School gate gossip24:50 - Give yourself 48 hours27:31 - Talk it through with your tribe29:26 - Neurodiversity and social media32:23 - Examples36:06 - Separation comparison from genuine concern
I believe in you.I will always love you.I am always here for you.How often do you say any of these things to your children?The truth is, it's probably less you'd like to admit, and you're not alone. As parents, it's easy to get caught up in the day to day of parenting, that we forget to give our kids the affirmation and reassurance they want and need from us.In this bucket emptying episode, I'm going to share ten things that you can start saying to your children right now to build self-belief, confidence and resilience.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:57 - What is confirmation bias?05:14 - Tell me more about…08:22 - Big emotions can be tricky10:07 - I like the way you…12:20 - I'm always here when you need me14:59 - Each day I am learning more about you17:06 - I am grateful I am your parent because…18:37 - Within you is your greatest self
Have you and your family made New Year resolutions?And how many have you broken already?I love making resolutions. It's the highlight of my year. But statistics show that most New Year resolutions are broken, so you are not alone! However, making resolutions, even if we break them, can still be super valuable for our personal growth and in building confidence, especially in our kids.In today's episode I will show you how to set intentions and make realistic, achievable resolutions. I will explain how you can give yourself the best chance of succeeding, but also talk through why it's ok to break your resolutions.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, have a very happy new year, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:35 - The highlight of my year02:26 - The 10 most popular resolutions07:06 - Intentions nurtures habits of success08:53 - I am capable of doing hard things12:20 - Empowering children with agency15:30 - Use your imagination19:41 - Confidence is experiential21:52 - The world is better because you are in it25:04 - Create a habit to reflect
As 2025 draws to a close, I thought the best way to round out another year of the podcast is to give you a compilation of our best bits and the best tips in one episode.Consider this your How Not to Screw Up Your Kids cheat sheet for 2025!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, have a very happy new year, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:05 - Rage Against the Screen04:27 - Empowering Children with Disabilities11:11 - Generation Zombie15:56 - Raising Happy ADHD Children24:50 - How Your Children Develop Their Sense of Identity
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas from me and the team at How Not to Screw Up Your Kids. However you are celebrating, and whatever you're doing, I hope you're having some well earned time off, and getting some precious quality time with your loved ones.Just in case you need a few wise words of encouragement in your ear, here are some of the best bits from the last year of the podcast, taken from some of your most favourite episodes.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:51 - Adolescence: Lessons for Raising Boys11:46 - I Yell… Then I Cry… Then I Google ‘Gentle Parenting'16:05 - The Five Things All Children Need28:08 - Building Children and Teens' Self Belief and Confidence31:00 - From Google to the Great Outdoors: Why Spending More Time Outside is GOOD for Your Children
Our children are sponges. They absorb our energy.So when we start our day with a bang, that rubs off, and our kids will be unbalanced from the get go. And that just sets us all up for a difficult day, doesn't it?So, in today's bucket emptying episode, I'm going to share my top tips on how to set up your day for calm, cooperation and compassion.I will give you 5 things that you can do at the start of your day, and 2 things to do at the end, and you can start them right now!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:30 - Less bang, more fizz02:38 - The wake up rule05:26 - Screen time embargo07:20 - Early movement09:51 - Get ready11:14 - Today is a new day15:00 - One lesson learnt
Are you close to your children?Do you still feel connected as they get older?Do you spend as much time with them as you want?I'm going to guess that you answered no to at least one of these questions. Am I right?Today I am joined by Emma and Eleanor from The Reconnected, to discuss the importance of making time to connect with our children… and ourselves.We talk about breathwork and why we all need to make time for ourselves, because if we can't show up for ourselves, we won't be able to show up for our kids.We also discuss the challenges of raising kids in today's world, where technology and screens can feel like barriers disconnecting us from our children.And we talk about the confusing amount of information online, and why it's almost impossible to get the right support if you don't know where to look for it.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation, because this is a bumper seasonal episode to help you navigate the Christmas break with your kids…More from The Reconnected:The Website: https://thereconnected.com/ The Book: https://thereconnected.com/reconnected-parenting-book/ Get the App: https://thereconnected.com/app/ Highlights from this episode:02:43 - The terrible 2s06:28 - I am going to nail this11:52 - Modern life is set up for disconnection16:16 - I CAN have time for myself20:30 - Breathwork is not a last resort25:04 - Tell me how to fix it30:03 - A rock and a hard place34:22 - Who are your 5 most inspiring people?39:35 - Connection is always the solution43:01 - Repairing the damage49:01 - Give yourself permission
How do you get your children to cooperate with you, when they just don't want to?It's a problem we all face - our kids will refuse to do something not because they don't want to, but because we're telling them to, and it's so frustrating! So what's the answer?In this bucket emptying episode, I'm going to introduce you to the psychology of cooperation, and give you some simple, helpful, and practical tips you can use right away.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:12 - Cooperation is transactional03:28 - Validate your children's feelings04:47 - Explain why08:10 - Focus on effort and process10:55 - Self Care14:17 - Connecting actions to feelings16:08 - Challenge just enough19:18 - Offer choices where possible
Does your child struggle with their confidence?Do you wish you could help?Well you're in luck, because confidence is a learned skill, and there are many easy things you can do to help build self-confidence in your kids.In this episode, I'm going to give you a 10 day plan, which you can start using right now, to help develop those skills and improve confidence. Remember: the brain is a muscle, and confidence is just about giving the right parts of the brain a workout - from taking the lead on tasks to positive reinforcement, it's easy if you know how!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:02 - One focus per day03:16 - The Seven Cs11:48 - Day 1: A wall of fame14:55 - Day 2: Encourage self-talk to be more growth oriented16:43 - Day 3: Ask for their help19:28 - Day 4: Give descriptive praise21:34 - Day 5: Reflective on 3 good things and 1 learning22:56 - Day 6: Set aside time to play25:46 - Day 7: Acknowledge their feelings27:06 - Day 8: Ask them to do something28:43 - Day 9: Stage appropriate choices29:46 - Day 10: Reflect on the last 10 days
Do your children resent you?Do you resent your children?How good are you at managing this?Resentment is a funny thing. It feels like it comes out of nowhere, but actually, it can be the result of many small little events that build up and up until it overflows.Then, you find yourself arguing with your children, or worse, that resentment just continues to simmer, and it becomes harder to resolve.We've all heard that old saying that prevention is better than cure, so in this bucket emptying episode, I'm going to share some of the most effective ways you can avoid resentment, and give you some really useful tips to help you put these into practice.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:02:50 - Communicate your needs09:19 - Manage expectations14:15 - Learn how to delegate
On Christmas Day in 1986, 30 million Brits were glued to their screens as Eastenders' Dirty Den handed divorce papers to Angie Watts, in one of the most watched television episodes of all time.As shocking as that was in 1986, the reality today is that separation is commonplace and 40% of marriages end in divorce. Many parents part ways, and often our children get caught in the crossfire, through no fault of their own.With January approaching, when separations are at their highest, how do we make sure our kids don't suffer from our actions?And how do we ensure children grow up feeling happy, safe and loved when their parents divorce or separate?On this episode I am joined by James Hayhurst, the founder of The Parents' Promise, which is doing some incredible work to campaign for more awareness of separation, and the resources to support children who are experiencing a separation at home.Whether you have separated, you are going through a divorce, or perhaps you experience this yourself as a child, this episode will really make a difference.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…More about James:The Parents' Promise - https://theparentspromise.org.uk/ James on LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/jameshayhurst1/ Mentioned in this episode:17 Signs of Parental Alienation - https://www.parentingstyles.com/parenting/dynamics/parental-alienation/ Highlights from this episode:02:49 - What is The Parents' Promise?05:31 - We can do better09:05 - We need to talk about divorce11:33 - What to be mindful of15:23 - What do young people think?19:21 - Long term goals22:49 - Bad partner does not mean bad parent27:01 - 17 signs of parental alienation30:28 - Move fast and create things37:02 - Get involved
From Elf on a Shelf and advent calendars to the business of seeing the whole family in such a short period… Christmas can be stressful, and it can be super overwhelming, especially for us parents.Santa doesn't do organising for us, which means the holiday season is often wrought with so much pressure to get everything right, and so often we put that pressure on ourselves.So in this bucket emptying episode, I'm going to share five top tips to help you manage the upcoming festive season, which you can start using right now to make your holiday planning easier, stress free and successful!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:03 - The silly season04:19 - Plan ahead08:56 - Be realistic with yourself16:02 - Always have a backup plan18:50 - Don't take things too seriously22:52 - Have the difficult conversations in advance
Whether it's toppled block towers, disappointing test results, or missed goals on the sports field, setbacks are a daily occurrence for our children, and I want to show you how to transform them into powerful opportunities for growth.This is about raising resilient kids who see mistakes not as failures, but as stepping stones.In this episode, I will share a practical framework you can use at home, and explain how you can use the exposure ladder templates in my resource library to break down those setbacks into small, easy steps.This is all about reframing challenges in a way that encourages confidence and curiosity, and helps your kids become the happiest, healthiest, and most successful version of themselves.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:02:24 - The full body alarm04:54 - Support, don't solve06:36 - Positive praise10:29 - The power of yet12:55 - Exposure ladders16:06 - Creating a safe space to take risk18:40 - Practice is reflective too20:33 - Maryhan's playbook23:00 - Sport, performance, and neurodiversity27:26 - Listener challenge
As parents, we worry. It's in our nature!Are they safe?Are they hungry?Are they happy?The list goes on…But SPOILER ALERT: our kids worry too!The world is a scary place, and the world around them is constantly changing, with new things to learn and new experiences to process all the time.In this bucket emptying episode, I'm going to reveal the six most common things your children worry about AND I will share some super practical tips to help you deal with them. Because remember, your job as mum and dad is to support, and that means empowering our little ones to fix things themselves, so that they grow up to be confident, independent, and well-rounded adults.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Mentioned in this episode:Becoming Me - https://drmaryhan.com/episode/becoming-me-the-school-years/ Breathing & Take 10 - https://drmaryhan.com/episode/breathing-techniques-for-anxious-children/ Highlights from this episode:01:02 - Worry is an important emotion02:25 - Worried about social relationships06:21 - Worried about social media08:52 - Worried about big life changes11:09 - Worried about to-do lists15:45 - Worried about inconsistency19:14 - Worried about trauma22:03 - Name it to tame it23:46 - Deep breaths25:39 - Maryhanisms29:08 - A worry window
Are your children currently revising for exams, working hard on an essay, or worrying about homework?Academic stress is very real, and sometimes the things we do to help, only seem to create more anxiety and overwhelm. So what can you do as parents, to help your kids through homework and revision?In this episode I'm going to talk through some of the things you must not do, and give you some super practical tips that you can start using right now.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:43 - This is the end goal03:57 - 3 things to avoid08:24 - Don't feed the comparison Gremilins09:38 - Get the foundations right12:12 - Don't get caught up on revision timetables14:55 - Where is the source of stress?19:34 - Big tasks into bitesize chunks22:40 - Break the procrastination cycle22:51 - Connect the dots
Do you know the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown?Most parents think they're the same, but they're not!That's why in today's bucket emptying episode, I'm going to talk you through the key differences between what they are and how to manage them, because mastering this might just be the difference between a quick win and a sleepless night!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Mentioned in this Episode:You Child's Bucket - https://drmaryhan.com/episode/help-your-child-with-emotional-regulation/ Highlights from this episode:01:07 - I want versus I can't03:04 - Dealing with no05:33 - The different responses to a tantrum and a meltdown09:06 - Tantrums are for everyone11:32 - Not all buckets are created equal
What's the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown?When should you start worrying about behaviour?And how do you regulate your kids' screen time?In this episode, the tables are being turned as I am the one being interviewed. Daniel Weisberg, Managing Director of CAYP Psychology, asks me about emotional regulation, tantrums, neurodivergence, and lots more.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Mentioned in this Episode:CAYP - https://www.cayp-psychology.com/ Highlights from this episode:01:46 - The last drop in the bucket05:14 - Meet your child where they're at07:12 - Common meltdown triggers09:57 - HALT15:25 - When should you worry about behaviour?17:02- The S word22:12 - Why is it so hard to switch off?25:20 - Neurodivergence and regulation27:30 - Create tech free periods33:18 - Next steps38:20 - When is further intervention needed?
Nobody is a perfect mum, and none of us know everything… not even the experts.That's why I found my recent chat with Justine Roberts, founder of Mumsnet, so fascinating. She shared her own insights as a founder, an influencer to millions of parents, and a mum, and it blew my mind.We covered everything from how to regulate our kids' use of technology, to why there's so much shame around weight loss drugs. It's a conversation not to be missed!That's why, in today's bucket emptying episode, I'm sharing the top five takeaways from that interview, and if you're also interested in hearing more from Justine, listen to the full episode now - it's just below this one in the podcast feed.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Mentioned in this Episode:Listen to the full Justine Roberts interview: https://drmaryhan.com/episode/rage-against-the-screen-children-tech-social-media-with-mumsnet-founder-justine-roberts/ Mumsnet: https://www.mumsnet.com/ The Other phone: https://www.mumsnet.com/articles/the-other-phone Highlights from this episode:00:52 - Worry is a universal part of motherhood02:39 - Community is crucial04:54 - Power in numbers07:37 - Technology & kids is a scary combo10:11 - Taking the opportunity
Would you give your eight year old a smartphone?Should children be banned from social media?How much screen time is too much?As parents in a digital world, we ask ourselves these questions all the time, and there never seems to be a right answer. But in today's episode I am joined by Justine Roberts CBE, the founder of Mumsnet, to discuss these very issues.Justine shares her insights on the relationship between children and tech, what Mumsnet are doing it about it, and she makes a very exciting announcement - you heard it here first, and you do not want to miss this!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…More About Justine & Mumsnet:Mumsnet: https://www.mumsnet.com/ Rage Against the Screen: https://www.mumsnet.com/news/rage-against-the-screen The Other phone: https://www.mumsnet.com/articles/the-other-phone Highlights from this episode:02:07 - Mums don't get training06:07 - The taboo of weight loss drugs10:38 - Are parenting experts part of the problem?14:18 - Rage Against the Screen19:56 - AI's impact on the brain22:35 - The addictive algorithms of social media26:21 - The Other phone30:54 - More parents are taking their kids' phone away
Is your child friends with a bad influence?Are they being bullied or treated poorly by someone they think is a friend?Do they struggle to broaden their social circle?If you relate to any of the above, then this episode is a must listen, because I am going to explain the how, the why, and the what you can do about those unhealthy friendships your children find themselves in.It happens to everyone, even us parents! But knowing how to spot them and, importantly, knowing how to support your children to see it for themselves, is the real challenge. You might just learn a thing or two about your own relationships as well!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Mentioned in this episode:Friendships: The Whole Nine Yards: https://drmaryhan.com/episode/helping-children-with-friendships/ Highlights from this episode:01:24 - Toxic is toxic03:43 - The warning signs of an unhealthy friendship05:33 - Focus on the behavior, not the child09:31 - Listen without judgment13:43 - Red friend green friend19:30 - Encourage them to broaden their social network
Diagnoses of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or OCD, are rising sharply.But how do you know if you or your child might have it?And what can you do about it?It can be hard to find the right info about symptoms, causes, and treatment. So In this episode I'm going to talk through what OCD is, but also what it isn't, and what the common early signs are.Plus, I'll give you some super easy, practical things you can do right away to support your children in the best way possible.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Mentioned in this episode:Reports of OCD triple: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cdr612zrl0no The life event scale: https://www.simplypsychology.org/srrs.html Highlights from this episode:01:33 - Are we taking OCD seriously enough?04:50 - Obsessions versus compulsions07:54 - Why has there been an increase?10:16 - Keep it in the family11:39 - Life events and external triggers14:51 - OCD early warning signs18:33 - OCD or anxiety?21:18 - How can we help our children?24:42 - Challenge the intrusive thoughts
Are you looking for fun and free or low cost family activities?Have you considered reading?Before you switch off, hear me out, because reading can be an incredibly relaxing and enjoyable activity, and I'm here to explain how you can encourage your children to want to read.However, there's been a huge decline in recent years of young people who enjoy reading, and it's on us - the mums, the dads, the parents, the guardians and the teachers - to do something about this.Reading a good book can be great for the soul, and help not just your kids, but also you, to empty your buckets. That's why this topic is so important to me.I will tell you the three main benefits of reading, and what you can do to make reading feel like less of a chore to your kids.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Mentioned in this episode:Get Britain Reading by The Times: https://www.thetimes.com/uk/get-britain-reading?msockid=2f94feb8d57068851bbdebd1d476690b Highlights from this episode:00:41 - Get Britain reading again04:55 - The numbers don't lie07:26 - The three benefits10:52 - Paper beats screen15:05 - Take the hard work out of reading19:14 - Model reading for pleasure
Are you getting in your child's way?Should you praise effort or results?And are you strict enough with enforcing your own rules?In today's episode, I'm expanding on a recent episode (linked below), where we explored how your children build their sense of self, to answer the above questions and more.I'm going to give you the five areas where I believe you can really help your children navigate their most critical stage of identity development. This usually happens around 7-8 years old, but every child is different, so no matter where you are in your parenting journey, this episode will definitely help you.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Mentioned in this episode:Becoming Me: How Your Children Develop Their Sense of IdentityHighlights from this episode:01:28 - Ages 7 to 8 are critical06:00 - The 8 stages of identity development09:03 - Do what you say you will13:28 - Are you getting in your child's way?19:17 - Manage your expectations22:27 - The benefits of praising effort28:35 - The world is NOT school31:57 - Episode cheat sheet
What went wrong?Have I failed my children?That's the question many parents ask themselves when contemplating home schooling. But in reality, the school system simply isn't the best choice for some children.In the second part of our discussion, we look closer at the process of choosing a home schooling option, what a good education really looks like, and when or why you might transition your kids back into a school environment.To have this discussion I am joined by two very special guests…Ruth Morgan is a mum to two children, one of whom is ASD. She shares her daughter's story with us, and it will really resonate with any of you experiencing similar difficulties.She is also an integrative psychotherapist who specialises in neurodivergent adults , especially late diagnosis and co-presenting mental health difficulties, and she also offers coaching to parents whose children are going through diagnosis or related challenges for the family. You can contact Ruth at https://ruthmorgan.co.uk/Kate Shand is the founder and CEO of Enjoy Education, which provides bespoke educational services tailored to the unique needs of families and students globally. She is also a founding member and vice president of The Tutors' Association, committed to raising tutoring standards across the industry and around the world. You can find out more at http://www.enjoyeducation.co.uk/ So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:24 - What does good schooling look like?08:49 - Neurodivergent burnout12:31 - The journey back to school18:50 - The growth option21:38 - Breaking social moulds23:55 - Give yourself the space to mess up28:57 - Every parent has their own story33:41 - Pushing over the cliff edge
Has your child ever refused to go to school?It's a morning routine all parents dread, but for nearly one in five parents, this is a common occurrence.. But what do you do?In the first of this special two part episode, I am going to explore the reasons why our kids might not want to go to school and the ways in which both parents and educators can identify and support this.Because as absenteeism continues to rise, maybe it's time to stop blaming our kids, and start considering that maybe school doesn't work for them.To have this discussion I am joined by two very special guests…Ruth Morgan is a mum to two children, one of whom is ASD. She shares her daughter's story with us, and it will really resonate with any of you experiencing similar difficulties.She is also an integrative psychotherapist who specialises in neurodivergent adults , especially late diagnosis and co-presenting mental health difficulties, and she also offers coaching to parents whose children are going through diagnosis or related challenges for the family. You can contact Ruth at https://ruthmorgan.co.uk/Kate Shand is the founder and CEO of Enjoy Education, which provides bespoke educational services tailored to the unique needs of families and students globally. She is also a founding member and vice president of The Tutors' Association, committed to raising tutoring standards across the industry and around the world. You can find out more at http://www.enjoyeducation.co.uk/ So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:20 - These stats might shock you05:32 - School refusal11:46 - How to manage school incapacity15:23 - Home schooling doesn't have to be plan z18:55 - Why are the stats going up?21:21 - Ruth's story29:00 - School support for neurodivergence32:06 - Schools get a different version of your child36:35 - A message to schools
Does your child refuse to go to bed?Is the nighttime routine a daily stress?And why won't your children sleep when they're tired?Today's episode is a listener question, and one I'm sure affects most parents, because it's all about how to make bedtime less of a battle and more of a breeze.I am going to talk through the reasons why the sleep showdown happens, give you three things you can do, and give you the ultimate bedtime checklist to work through. There's no perfect, instant solution because every child is different, but if you take the right approach with the right mindset, you're halfway towards a peaceful evening!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Mentioned in this episode:Parenting at Work: Can We Really Have it All? - https://drmaryhan.com/episode/parenting-at-work-can-we-really-have-it-all/ Highlights from this episode:02:47 - Audit your shoulds05:06 - Are we setting impossible standards?08:28 - Find a moment to empty some of your bucket12:21 - Download Mode15:12 - How to set boundaries17:37 - Where can your child have more autonomy?
Are you more emotionally mature than your children?Do you project your problems onto your kids?Does your child feel like a burden or a failure?These might be tough questions to think about but, according to a recent study, these are common things your teenagers might be thinking, but do not feel like they can tell you.And don't worry, you are not a bad parent, and this isn't a generational thing. It doesn't matter if you're a boomer or a millennial, sometimes we can get so busy doing the day-to-day parenting, that we forget to pay attention and listen - truly listen - to what our kids are trying to tell us.That's why I'm doing today's episode, which is all about helping you to understand what your teens really need from you, and giving you some practical advice which you can start using right away.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, take a deep breath, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:21 - What do you wish you could tell your parents?06:40 - 3 ways you're not showing up for your teens12:32 - Invest in self-awareness15:53 - Reflect in whatever way works for you18:01 - Start showing up21:18 - Honest conversations
When I say breathwork, what comes to mind?Many of you will think of yoga, meditation, or something a bit silly. I'm sure most of you don't think it can help your children, and I get it!But did you know that good breathwork can have real, physical benefits on our nervous system, our brain, and our body? In other words, it's not just some hippy dippy nonsense, and I'm going to explain why.This means when our kids are stressed, scared, overwhelmed or anxious, good breathing can be the difference maker in a situation that usually gets out of control very quickly.In this bucket emptying episode, I want to dispel any stigma you might have around breathwork. I'm going to tell you exactly how & why it helps, and give you some practical, actionable exercises you can start doing right now.Here's the Take 10 method to get you started: https://drmaryhan.com/episode/breathing-techniques-for-anxious-children/ So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, take a deep breath, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:35 - Fight, flight or freeze05:48 - The physical benefits of breathwork08:07 - Getting creative with breathwork12:40 - Biometrics are a great learning aid
“I want it all. I want it now” - timeless words sung by the late Freddie Mercury, and sampled by every child ever, including your own, am I right?But let's be honest, they're not the only ones. As parents, we put ourselves under so much pressure to keep up with the Joneses and have it all… but what does that even mean?A big house?Private school?Or maybe just financial security?In this episode, I am here to tell you one thing, and one thing only: you are not perfect, and that's okay! It's time to follow my seven tips and embrace the beautiful, incredible, imperfect you.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Come to the WebinarJoin me and the How Not To Screw Up Your Kids Community as I unpick how we can help our children build their sense of self, so they feel more confident day to day. Find out more and book your place here: https://stan.store/drmaryhan/p/next-60-minutes-with-dr-maryhan-1st-october-8pm- Highlights from this episode:00:37 - Having it all… but at what cost?06:21 - There's no such thing as work-life balance10:20 - Your inner conflict16:11 - All does not mean perfect18:01 - Asking for help is not a weakness21:28 - Be present for yourself27:11 - Be ruthless32:41 - You are imperfect, and that's ok34:22 - Who are you?
Let's be clear: tylenol does not cause autism.It does not cause ADHD.Neurodivergence is not contagious.And it is not a disease to be caught or cured.You've probably heard these claims being made by certain politicians and Presidents recently, but let me assure you: there is no credible scientific evidence to support this.As parents, we already feel so much shame and guilt about our kids' neurodivergence, be it ADHD, autism, or anything else.Why didn't I spot it sooner?Am I a terrible Mum?Have I failed my child?We've all been there, and the answer is no, no, NO! So in this episode I am sharing the best bits from my recent interview with journalist and author Jessie Hewitson. Her sons are both neurodivergent and, it turns out, so is she, which she discovered while writing her book on ADHD.We cover everything from Mum guilt, to the school system, and what you can do to create a more positive, supportive environment for your neurodiverse kids.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation, because we're about to take the RFK out of ADHD, and give you some home truths you don't want to miss…Listen to the full episode with Jessie here: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/raising-happy-adhd-children-with-jessie-hewitson/id1571503566?i=1000723801183 Come to the WebinarJoin me and the How Not To Screw Up Your Kids Community as I unpick how we can help our children build their sense of self, so they feel more confident day to day. Find out more and book your place here: https://stan.store/drmaryhan/p/next-60-minutes-with-dr-maryhan-1st-october-8pm- Highlights from this episode:00:58 - ADHD Myth Versus Reality03:37 - The Broken School System06:50 - Mom Guilt10:10 - Guilt and Motherhood Go Hand in Hand11:06 - Let the Doctor Make the Call12:56 - How to Rebuild Self-Esteem in Neurodivergent Children15:28 - Epiphany at the Cinema18:12 - F You All20:11 - A Neurotypical World21:55 - Be the Shield from Society's Judgment22:24 - Do You Have ADHD?More from Jessie:Buy the book: https://a.co/d/eHGvsxf Read her article in The Times: https://www.thetimes.com/life-style/parenting/article/my-adhd-family-what-you-think-wrong-gq6s6hl3c?msockid=2f94feb8d57068851bbdebd1d476690b Visit NeuroUniverse: https://www.neurouniverse.co.ukConnect on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessie-hewitson
Someone leaves you in a room with a tasty treat. You can eat it right away, but you've been promised two treats if you resist for 15 minutes. What do you do?This isn't a riddle, but a very important experiment called The Marshmallow Test, and I bring this up to show you that building self-control and willpower in our kids is an age-old challenge for parents like you and me.Which is why in this episode, I talk through some of the crucial factors that impact self-control and explain why taking the time to help your children develop this important skill, can set them up for success in adult life.Plus, I share some super practical tips which you can start using right now.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Come to the WebinarJoin me and the How Not To Screw Up Your Kids Community as I unpick how we can help our children build their sense of self, so they feel more confident day to day. Find out more and book your place here: https://stan.store/drmaryhan/p/next-60-minutes-with-dr-maryhan-1st-october-8pm- Highlights from this episode:00:22 - What the Tokyo World Athletics teaches parents02:55 - What is self-control?08:45 - The marshmallow test12:20 - Crucial factors16:54 - Be a role model for your kids22:35 - How to encourage self-control27:48 - We are the scaffolding
Is your child's self-confidence at rock bottom?Are you feeling a bit helpless, or lost at how to help?Firstly, remember we have all been there, I promise you! And secondly, this bucket emptying episode builds on our previous episodes about confidence, but this time I talk specifically about how to boost really low self-confidence in your kids and teens.I'm going to share three things that I guarantee you will find super helpful when managing your child's low self-confidence.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Come to the WebinarJoin me and the How Not To Screw Up Your Kids Community as I unpick how we can help our children build their sense of self, so they feel more confident day to day. Find out more and book your place here: https://stan.store/drmaryhan/p/next-60-minutes-with-dr-maryhan-1st-october-8pm- Highlights from this episode:01:10 - What is self-confidence?03:27 - Building a new, capable mindset05:16 - Learning to try07:48 - Shake it off
Confidence is something we all struggle with, sometimes on a daily basis.But for our kids, who are dealing with new experiences, new challenges, and constant change all the time, their confidence and self belief is being really tested. Childhood is not quite as easy as we like to remember.. we're all guilty of that!That's why I'm kicking off a trilogy of episodes, taking a long hard look at confidence in our children, and how we, as parents, can support them through the tough times and help them build their self-belief.Remember, our goal is to be the scaffolding for our kids, to help them grow into healthy, resilient and confident people, and I'm here to guide you through every step.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Come to the WebinarJoin me and the How Not To Screw Up Your Kids Community as I unpick how we can help our children build their sense of self, so they feel more confident day to day. Find out more and book your place here: https://stan.store/drmaryhan/p/next-60-minutes-with-dr-maryhan-1st-october-8pm- Highlights from this episode:02:01 - These stats might shock you05:00 - The difference between self belief and self confidence06:30 - You must model confidence for your kids10:58 - Effort > result14:04 - Set regular goals17:17 - Cultivate curiosity for new things20:35 - I don't like chores23:20 - How thoughts drive feelings26:52 - Our faith in them is unconditional
Do you find yourself getting louder and louder when your kids don't listen to you?Are you constantly fighting to get them to do what you ask?In the second of our two part bucket-emptying special, I am helping you manage your child's non-compliance: when they just say no or, more annoyingly, they ignore you completely!Last week we talked through some of the main reasons why your children do this, and if you haven't listened to that yet, spoiler alert: they're not naughty.On this episode, I give you six practical things you can do right now to manage those moments when you just want to pull your hair out.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Come to the WebinarJoin me and the How Not To Screw Up Your Kids Community as I unpick how we can help our children build their sense of self, so they feel more confident day to day. Find out more and book your place here: https://stan.store/drmaryhan/p/next-60-minutes-with-dr-maryhan-1st-october-8pm- Highlights from this episode:01:56 - Not all buckets are created equal06:18 - Keep it simple09:35 - Take a moment to reset12:03 - Use a quieter voice14:46 - Can you turn it into a game?16:07 - Praising progress
On today's episode, I am joined by Tish Feilden, formerly a teacher and psychotherapist, but today one of the founders of Jamie's Farm.Alongside her son, they have created a life-changing program that, in their words, leaves children ‘better equipped to thrive academically, socially and emotionally during their school years and beyond.'We have a great chat about the benefits of putting the screens down, getting your children outside, and giving your kids the autonomy and the agency they need to thrive as confident, independent people.You don't want to miss this!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…More from TishVisit Jamie's Farm: https://jamiesfarm.org.uk/ Tish on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tish-feilden-a8a7b14b/?originalSubdomain=uk Come to the WebinarJoin me and the How Not To Screw Up Your Kids Community as I unpick how we can help our children build their sense of self, so they feel more confident day to day. Find out more and book your place here: https://stan.store/drmaryhan/p/next-60-minutes-with-dr-maryhan-1st-october-8pm- Highlights from this episode:02:33 - A whole different ball game06:02 - Why go to school when I can Google it?11:19 - Give your kids a sense of purpose15:39 - Embrace change and milk a cow21:17 - Help26:31 - It's only a little electric shock29:28 - A week without phones33:02 - Every emotion is healthy37:20 - Your job as a parent is never complete
Do your children refuse to follow boundaries?Do you think you are never being listened to?In the first of a two part bucket emptying special, we are going to figure out the tricky issue of setting boundaries and getting our kids to actually respect them!But here's a spoiler: you should not feel guilty for setting healthy boundaries. As a parent, it's your job to be the rulemaker, and your kids won't always like or understand that. And in this episode I'm going to share 5 of the biggest reasons for non-compliance to help you understand why your child is saying no.Then, in the next bucket emptying episode, we can explore some of the things you can start doing right away to help you deal with this.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Come to the WebinarJoin me and the How Not To Screw Up Your Kids Community as I unpick how we can help our children build their sense of self, so they feel more confident day to day. Find out more and book your place here: https://stan.store/drmaryhan/p/next-60-minutes-with-dr-maryhan-1st-october-8pm- Highlights from this episode:00:48 - Don't feel guilty about setting boundaries03:04 - Our kids want some control over their own lives06:37 - Pushing boundaries is not just a phase; it's a cycle10:28 - Is your child capable of doing what you're asking them to do?15:40 - Catching them off guard
Your sense of self is so important, and a lot of it is wrapped up in who we think we are and how we compare ourselves to others.The same goes for your children, and supporting this will be one of your biggest challenges as parents.That's why, in this episode, I'm going to explain what identity is, I'll talk through the different developmental stages, and what you can do to help your kids navigate these particular stages in their life, as well as your own.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Come to the WebinarJoin me and the How Not To Screw Up Your Kids Community as I unpick how we can help our children build their sense of self, so they feel more confident day to day. Find out more and book your place here: https://stan.store/drmaryhan/p/next-60-minutes-with-dr-maryhan-1st-october-8pm- Highlights from this episode:04:19 - What is identity?08:24 - Conflict is at the core11:38 - Infancy conflicts14:20 - Autonomy and purpose18:54 - Primary school and self-confidence23:02 - Adolescence and identity26:35 - Intimacy versus isolation29:23 - Middle age stagnation34:10 - Old age despair
Do you compare yourself to other parents?Do you sometimes think you're not good enough?Here's a secret… you are good enough, and every parent out there has the same doubt. I say it's time to silence the inner critic!In this short bucket emptying episode, I give you four practical tips you can start doing today, to get rid of your inner critic and start being the happiest, most confident version of yourself. Because you cannot possibly look after your kids if you don't first look after yourself.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:49 - Every parent experiences at least one of these03:16 - “I'm a bad parent”04:46 - Give yourself some slack05:49 - What's your mantra?07:46 - Find your tribe09:50 - Go to sleep!
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