The How Not To Screw Up Your Kids podcast is for parents, grandparents, educators, and anyone else who wants to be part of a movement to raise confident children who grow up believing in themselves. The greatest gift we can give our children is self-belief. It will get them further in life than any qualification and is absolutely possible for each and every child; we just need the right information and support around us to teach them. The old saying ‘it takes a village to raise a child†couldn’t be more true than now. Parenting has got a whole lot harder; not just because we are busier than ever but because our children are growing up in an ever changing, fast-paced world, which is so different to the one we grew up in. Our children have more pressure to be better, look better, do better, and in a world where lives are so publicly scrutinised and commented on through social media it’s really no wonder we’re seeing mental health problems sky rocketing amongst children, teens, and young adults. What you can expect from this podcast are honest conversations about parenting. We’ll talk confidence resilience, anxiety, managing tech, and all the topics you’d expect as well blowing the lid off the widely help misconception that children are innately resilient. They’re not! This podcast is for people who want to get real about parenting. You understand it can get messy sometimes and aren’t afraid to admit it. I have had more than my fair share of messy and I will no doubt share these with you along the way. I won’t dress things up but I will always give you something practical to take away and use in each and every episode. My guests and experts will be real people who have overcome their own adversities and bring with them a message to us as parents, as well as inspiring stories. So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation.
If you've ever wondered why your child can spend 40 minutes talking about Minecraft but can't concentrate for four minutes on homework, this episode explains everything.I'm joined again by Professor Sam Wass, and if you heard his previous episodes, you'll know why parents loved them. In today's conversation, Sam breaks down what concentration actually is from a neuroscience perspective, why young children are wired to be easily distracted, and why some children struggle far more than others in noisy classrooms, during revision, or when faced with a blank page.We dig into the two types of concentration every child needs, why the frontal cortex develops painfully slowly, how screens hijack attention, and why understanding something is the single biggest predictor of whether a child can focus on it.If you're battling procrastination, homework refusal, or a child who “just can't sit still,” this episode will give you the clarity you've been missingIf you want to understand your child's brain - and finally stop blaming them (or yourself) for something that's biological, predictable, and fixable - you need to listen to this.Highlights from this episode:02:40 - Concentrating through doing09:20 - Two ways to structure learning tasks15:46 - My name is Sam and I am a Candy Crush addict21:53 - Build on interests27:24 - Stress and concentration34:39 - Screen time38:56 - We are prediction machines
If your child is anxious, you already know how hard evenings can be. You sit beside them wanting desperately to help, but every time you try to reassure them, it backfires. Logic doesn't land. Distraction doesn't stick. And sometimes, despite your best intentions, the thing you say makes everything worse.This episode gives you something you can use tonight.I'll walk you through five specific, evidence‑based questions that shift an anxious child from overwhelm into curiosity, even if they're tired, irritable, or shutting down.These questions work because they bypass the logical brain (which is offline during anxiety) and instead help your child observe what's happening inside them with a little more distance and a lot more safety.You'll learn exactly why each question works, how to use them, and what to do when your child gives you nothing but a shrug or a grunt. By the end, you'll have a simple, repeatable toolkit you can rely on every night - no scripts, no pressure, no perfect parenting required.If you've been searching for the right words to help your worried child, this episode gives you five you can use before bedtime.Highlights from this episode:00:59 - What you get from this episode03:34 - The 5 questions06:53 - Give the worry a form09:25 - A brutal inner demon11:22 - Two red flags
If your child is melting down over homework, asking endless “what if” questions, getting mysterious tummy aches, refusing school, withdrawing from activities, or exploding the moment they walk through the door, you need this episode.I work with anxious and dysregulated children every single day, and what I want you to know is this: most of the behaviours parents struggle with aren't actually behaviour problems - they're anxiety in disguise.Spoiler alert: the more you reassure, explain, distract or accommodate, the worse the anxiety quietly becomes.In this episode, I'll walk you through what childhood anxiety really is (and what it absolutely isn't), why your child's nervous system is behaving like a smoke alarm, and why logic and reassurance never stick.You'll learn the skills‑gap model that changes everything about how we approach anxiety, and the first practical steps you can take today to help your child feel safer, calmer, and more capable.If you've ever felt helpless, confused, or guilty in the face of your child's worry, this episode will give you clarity, direction, and a framework that finally makes sense.Mentioned in this episode:The Take 10 Technique - https://drmaryhan.com/episode/breathing-techniques-for-anxious-children/ Highlights from this episode:00:52 - Saying “it's fine” doesn't work!03:05 - It's not your fault08:24 - Children should feel anxious12:25 - How to recognise anxiety15:56 -You're probably making it worse18:18 - This will change everything23:10 - When to seek additional help
If you're raising a boy, you already know this: you can believe in him with your whole heart, and still watch him struggle to believe in himself. You tell him he's brilliant and he shrugs it off.You encourage him and he brushes it away.You try to have a meaningful conversation and suddenly his phone becomes the most fascinating object on earth.Meanwhile, you can see the gap widening - the gap between how you see him and how he sees himself. And nothing you say seems to close it.This episode gives you one simple, evidence‑based daily habit that will.One question that teaches your son to look inward, recognise his own effort, and build confidence from the inside out - not from praise, not from performance, not from comparison.I'll show you exactly how to use it at every age, what to do when he rolls his eyes or gives you nothing, and how this tiny daily ritual slowly rewires the way he sees himself.If you want a practical, realistic way to strengthen your son's confidence - one that actually sticks - this is the episode you cannot afford to skip.Highlights from this episode:02:15 - Let's talk about the bucket04:17 - The only daily question you need to ask06:56 - Every age is different10:44 - Two flags!
If your child is melting down, shutting down, refusing school, avoiding sleep, snapping back, or clinging to you because something feels “wrong” but they can't explain what, you're in the right place.I'm Dr Maryhan, a psychologist who works with anxious and dysregulated children every single day. And here's what I want you to know: most of the behaviours that keep you up at night aren't really about behaviour at all. Underneath the back‑chat, the tears, the slammed doors, the school‑morning battles, there is almost always anxiety, and a child whose emotional bucket is full and overflowing.And parents of those children? We zoom in so close, replaying conversations at 2am, questioning every decision, wondering if we're making it worse, that we lose the wide lens. The perspective that says: your child isn't broken... and neither are you.This podcast gives you that wide lens back.If you've ever felt overwhelmed, confused, or alone in your child's big feelings, then listen and follow wherever you get your podcasts.Pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and let's do this together. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
If you're raising a boy right now, you already know this: the world he's growing up in is tougher, louder, and more confusing than ever, and the cracks in his confidence can appear long before you realise what's happening.Maybe you've watched your son compare himself to other boys and quietly decide he's not good enough.Maybe he shrinks back, masks who he really is, or performs confidence he doesn't actually feel.Maybe he's a teenager who barely speaks to you anymore, and you're terrified you're losing the connection you once had.Or maybe he's still little, and you can already see how easily the world will shape him if you don't get ahead of it.This episode is your roadmap.I'll show you exactly how confidence is built in boys - from babyhood to young adulthood - and the subtle ways we accidentally undermine it without ever meaning to. You'll learn what to say, what to stop saying, the moments that matter most, and the strategies that genuinely shift a boy's internal world.I'll also show you how to protect him from the pressures, comparisons and online influences that quietly erode boys' self‑belief.If you want your son to grow into a young man who knows who he is, trusts himself, and comes to you when it matters, this episode is the one you cannot afford to skip.Highlights from this episode:02:36 - Confidence starts earlier than you think05:38 - Are you creating emotional safety?09:44 - Tweens and teens14:46 - Your son is desperate to be accepted18:46 - The confidence conversation guide
If your children have been at each other all week, this episode will change everything.I'm diving into one of the biggest sources of family stress - sibling conflict - and why it's almost never about the toy, the sofa, or the “look” one child gave the other, and nearly always about your children's emotional buckets overflowing.In this bucket-emptying episode, I walk you through three powerful tools I use with families every day:• Weekly one‑to‑one special time that transforms behaviour through connection• Protected “own time” so each child can decompress and reset• Real‑time descriptive praise that rewires the emotional climate in your homeYou'll learn how to stop refereeing, reduce friction, and help your children regulate themselves, even during school holidays, long weekends, or those intense indoor days when everyone is in each other's pockets.Pick one tool this week and watch the shift.You've got this!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:55 - Sibling conflict is not what you think02:07 - Special time07:19 - Time and space09:14 - Descriptive praise
You don't need more time with your child. You just need five intentional minutes.And in this episode, I'll show you exactly why those tiny moments matter more than you think.If you've ever worried that you're not present enough, not connected enough, or that the days are slipping by while you're juggling work, life and everything in between, you're not alone. I hear this from parents constantly, but the research is clear and reassuring: children don't need perfect parenting - they need consistent, emotionally responsive moments that tell them, “You matter to me.”In this episode, I'll walk you through the science behind connection, why guilt is not reliable data, and what children truly need to feel secure and loved.You'll learn four powerful micro‑moments you can weave into any day, including the two‑minute reunion, naming one feeling, child‑led play, and the pause‑before‑help technique that builds resilience in real time.I'll also share creative ways to stay connected when you can't be physically present, from handwritten notes to voice messages to slow‑motion games played across the day.If you're ready to feel more connected to your child without adding anything overwhelming to your plate, this episode will change the way you see your everyday moments.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:28 - It only takes five minutes02:42 - Parental guilt07:31 - The one thing all children need11:13 - How to support dysregulation12:45 - The two minute reunion14:35 - Name a feeling18:11 - Pause before you help19:43 - Connecting over physical distance24:31 - Games across time and space
Back‑chat isn't your child being “difficult” - it's a message. And in this episode, I'm going to show you how to finally hear it.If you're dealing with eye‑rolls, snappy comebacks, or that sudden surge of attitude that leaves you wondering what on earth is happening, you're not alone. So I'm going to unpack what back‑chat really means, why it shows up at any age, and the psychological needs sitting underneath it… especially your child's deep drive for autonomy, agency and connection.You'll learn the five hidden triggers that often fuel back‑chat (including stress, developmental leaps and inconsistent boundaries), and I'll walk you through the five strategies I use with families every day to reduce defiance and rebuild cooperation.From offering meaningful choices, to shifting the power dynamic without losing authority, to creating daily connection time that transforms behaviour, you'll come away with practical tools you can use immediately.If you're ready to turn back‑chat from a battle into a breakthrough, this episode is for you.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:53 - Back-chat is not just a teen thing03:04 - The biggest symptoms10:22 - 5 strategies for coping with back-chat13:20 - The Three Cs17:07 - How are you doing?
In this episode, you'll discover a completely different way to think about feeding your family - one that saves you time, money, stress, and emotional bandwidth, and joining me is Helen Hopkins, better known as The Meal Time Maverick, whose viral batch‑cooking method has transformed kitchens across the UK.Instead of filling your freezer with meals you forget to defrost, Helen shows you how to batch‑cook fresh dishes that live in your fridge and reheat in minutes.You'll learn her simple “1–2–3” system, why it works for even the busiest families, and how it can stop the nightly dinner‑time chaos in its tracks. You'll also hear how to build batching into your weekly habits, involve your children in food prep, and create healthier, calmer mealtimes for everyone.If you're exhausted by cooking from scratch every night, this episode will feel like a lifeline.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:04 - Intro to Helen Hopkins02:45 - Going viral09:18 - The mix and match batch method14:54 - Cooking fresh isn't easy17:18 - New habits always have resistance22:08 - Building a healthy relationship with food26:52 - Writing a book is cruel31:21 - Everyone else comes first34:34 - A frictionless society
We all have an inner critic. Even us parents.In today's episode, I explore one of the most overlooked but powerful ways to lighten your emotional load and quieten your inner critic.Modern parenting gives that critical voice endless opportunities to speak up - especially when we compare our behind‑the‑scenes chaos to everyone else's curated highlight reel. I unpack why we're so much kinder to our children than to ourselves, and why questioning your parenting isn't a sign of failure but a sign that you care.Drawing on the concept of ‘good enough parenting' and the growing research on self‑compassion, I share four practical things you can do to help shift your internal dialogue, regulate your nervous system, and reconnect with the parent you want to be.If you're tired of feeling like you're falling short, this episode will help you breathe, reset, and treat yourself with the same kindness you give your children. So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:29 - I've had enough of not enough02:03 - Comparison culture04:24 - Connection over perfection05:48 - 5 minutes of guilt free time07:28 - Change your mental soundtrack09:54 - Find your people11:12 - Sleep matters
Hands up if you like homework…Me neither.But homework isn't just a task to be completed. It's a powerful opportunity to build persistence, resilience and independence in your children.Homework can so easily become a battleground filled with tears, avoidance and frustration, yet when we shift our focus from performance to process, everything changes. In today's episode, I explore why the “how” of our support matters far more than the worksheets themselves, and why our job isn't to rescue our children from discomfort but to create the conditions that help them start, stick with it and feel capable.You are going to learn how to tailor homework routines to your child's needs, how to spot when avoidance is really anxiety or perfectionism, and how to use five practical strategies to transform homework from a nightly fight into a long‑term skill‑building habit.If homework has become a source of stress in your home, this episode will help you reset the dynamic with clarity and confidence.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:33 - Not just about the work03:52 - Focus on the how05:17 - Who's homework is it?09:50 - How to support your child12:03 - Homework avoidance14:05 - Connection over correction17:09 - Praise the process20:49 - The bigger goal
In today's bucket‑emptying episode, I explore what it really means to live with parental guilt - that ever‑present tug that arrives the moment we become parents and never fully disappears.I talk about why guilt isn't a sign that you're failing, but a natural by‑product of caring deeply across multiple roles: parent, professional, partner, friend, adult child.Instead of treating guilt as a performance metric, I walk you through how to reframe it, define what “good enough” looks like, and create small proof‑points that remind you you're showing up where it matters. I also unpack why work‑life balance is a myth, how to be fully present where you are, and how to avoid the comparison traps that intensify guilt.By the end of this episode, you will have a kinder, more grounded way to navigate the emotional weight of parenting, and a handy blueprint you can return to whenever guilt tries to take over. So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:44 - Parental guilt happens all the time02:51 - Guilt is not a reliable metric05:28 - You can't be in two places at once09:43 - Replace balance with presence12:39 - Build small proof moments15:55 - The uncomfortable truth
Do you have more than one child?Are they constantly fighting for your time and energy?So how do you parent siblings?In today's episode, I explore how birth order shapes your children's development, behaviour, and long‑term identity. You'll learn why research consistently shows firstborn advantages in earnings, IQ, and academic outcomes, and what sits beneath those patterns - from early illness exposure to diluted parental attention to the powerful “teaching effect” between siblings.I also help you unpack the hidden family roles your children adopt - the helper, the funny one, the responsible one - and how these labels quietly shape their confidence, conflict style, friendships, and even their future workplace behaviour.Most importantly, you will understand why each of your children is growing up in a completely different childhood, and how being aware of this helps you reduce friction, avoid unhelpful comparisons, and support healthier sibling relationships at home.With the tools and tips I share in this episode, you can start making meaningful changes today.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:02:00 - First borns outperform their younger siblings05:38 - Germ theory10:48 - The teaching effect12:59 - Siblings find their niche15:52 - Birth order impacts adult relationships19:07 - Family roles impact self-image22:04 - Every sibling has a different childhood26:27 - We compare ourselves all the time
In this episode, I will explain the viral “Where's Jessica?” distraction trend and discover whether it truly helps your child manage big emotions.I am going to show you why distraction can work in the moment - the novelty, the shift in attention, and the calm, curious tone that naturally regulates your child's nervous system, and you'll see why relying on distraction long‑term can backfire, teaching your child to avoid uncomfortable feelings rather than build emotional resilience.I want you to come away from today's bucket emptying episode understanding the difference between a quick win and a meaningful skill, and feel clearer about when distraction is appropriate… and when it prevents your child from developing the confidence and coping strategies they genuinely need.If you've ever wondered whether you're helping or accidentally hindering your child's emotional growth, this episode gives you the clarity, compassion, and practical insight you've been looking for.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:38 - Where's Jessica?03:15 - Emotional cues06:48 - The novelty factor09:44 - Trading emotions12:36 - A friction free world
In today's episode, we will explore how to help your child navigate life's inevitable uncertainties, from exam results and friendship turbulence to school transitions and family change.You'll learn why shielding your child from uncertainty actually weakens resilience, and how simple shifts in the way you listen, respond, and structure daily life can dramatically improve their ability to cope.I will walk you through practical tools you can use today: active listening that uncovers what your child really means, honest reassurance without false promises, emotional validation that calms the nervous system, and routines that restore a sense of safety when everything feels up in the air.You'll also discover how to fact‑check the stories your child picks up from peers or online. and why managing your own emotional barometer is one of the most powerful supports you can offer, so that you feel equipped to guide your child through uncertainty with confidence, clarity, and compassion.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:01 - Uncertainty is a natural part of life03:55 - Listen first07:03 - Honest reassurance10:31 - Validate emotions12:30 - Acknowledge the challenge15:23 - Brains have a negative bias18:09 - Routine is important22:56 - Fact check26:21 - Help yourself to help your kids29:02 - Pay attention
In today's bucket-emptying episode, you'll learn the three essential foundations your child needs before confidence can grow.If you've got a child who avoids challenges, gets overwhelmed easily, or insists they're “rubbish” at everything, this is where you start. In this episode you'll discoverhow to explain the mind–body connection in a way your child can actually understand,why their brain often misreads situations as danger, andhow this shapes their confidence.You'll also learn why breathing techniques aren't just “calming tools” but a physiological reset your child needs before they can face anything tricky.Finally, you'll explore how to build an exposure ladder - a simple, structured way to help your child take small, doable steps outside their comfort zone.By the end of this episode, you'll know exactly how to lay the groundwork so your child feels capable, prepared, and ready to try.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Mentioned in this episode:Boost Your Child's Confidence in 10 Days: https://drmaryhan.com/episode/boost-your-childs-confidence-in-10-days/ 30 Second Reset: https://drmaryhan.com/episode/bucket-emptying-30-second-reset/ Highlights from this episode:01:24 - It's all about experience03:31 - The connection between mind and body08:01 - Selective hearing11:41 - The invisible gorilla13:27 - Breathing techniques19:10 - Get the foundations right
Today is my birthday, and it's become a tradition of mine to reflect on life and what I've learned. So this year I'm reflecting in public, on the podcast with you.I am going to share my top ten parenting lessons, drawn from my own experience, about how to raise confident children.My two children are adults now, and I like to think I've learnt a lot over the years. I've gotten things right, and I've certainly gotten things wrong - we're only human!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:13 - A birthday wish03:44 - Parents to adult children06:54 - Meal time is family time08:55 - A roast dinner goes a long way11:47 - Value systems are for life15:19 - This too shall pass18:36 - People pleasing22:27 - Comparison through a softer lens26:21 - Humans are complicated28:51 - Don't take yourself too seriously
I talk a lot about confidence, because it's super important, and it's something we all struggle with - yes, even us parents!But a lack of confidence can manifest in so many different ways, it can be really tricky knowing how to spot the signs in our kids and support them through it.So in today's bucket emptying episode, I'm giving you a cheat sheet, with five really powerful reflection questions you can use with any child at any age to help build their confidence.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:44 - Reflection builds competency02:34 - What was going on for you?04:48 - What were you feeling?06:37 - Focus on the unmet needs08:19 - Building a growth mindset09:55 - Encouraging self-regulation
Anxiety is not a one size fits all thing. It can show up in so many different ways, from school refusal to bedtime worries and everything in between.We think it's our job as parents to find the magic solution, but there isn't one! Instead, we have to find ways to navigate these tricky situations and the supportive presence our children need.In today's episode I am going to help you tackle your kids' anxiety with some super practical tips you can start using right now. Plus, I share the words which are most likely to calm your child or teen and the things you should definitely avoid!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Mentioned in this episode:The 30 Second Reset - https://drmaryhan.com/episode/bucket-emptying-30-second-reset/ Highlights from this episode:01:02 - Introduction to anxiety03:54 - What is the feeling of anxiety?08:00 - 2 things you do that increase anxiety11:54 - Stay calm and carry on14:55 - Encourage and normalise17:25 - Building long term confidence20:05 - Skills take time to learn
Spoiler alert: being a mum is hard.It's ok to be a good mum and feel like you're not enough. You might feel like you can't tell other mums that, but I promise you we are all feeling the same.So in this bucket emptying episode, I talk about why that feeling is so common, why it's not a personal failure, and why being a good mum can still feel exhausting and heavy.This episode isn't about fixing these feelings, because I can't do that. What we will do together is get comfortable with those feelings, and get honest with ourselves.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:38 - The two voices in your head05:12 - Mad Mum11:52 - Guilt is part of motherhood14:32 - Final thoughts
Do you ever feel like you are speaking to a brick wall?Do your kids sometimes ignore you as if you're invisible?Do you feel the frustration eating away at you?Well let me tell you something - you are not alone! Every child has moments, and some more than others, of simply not listening. There are so many reasons for this, and yes some of them are learned, but some are simply part of growing up.In today's episode I am going to explore the main reasons your children don't listen to you, and give you some practical tips you can start using right now to get your kids wanting to listen to you, which will bring your stress levels down too!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:28 - You are not alone03:10 - Listening is self-regulation06:51 - Patterns of behaviour08:30 - A need for independence11:00 - 5 steps to get your kids listening13:42 - How to make your life easier
After school tantrums are anything but random.Often, they are a sign that your child has been trying super hard to follow the rules and be on their best behaviour all day - and for neurodivergent children they could be masking all day - and this is exhausting. So when you turn up, they release all of the emotions and big feelings.It might not feel like it, but I promise you, that's a good thing because it means you are their safe space.But parenting these meltdowns is not easy, so in this episode I'm going to share some really practical tips that you can start using to make those moments feel less stressful and more manageable!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:40 - The one mistake every parent makes01:56 - Discharging the battery03:58 - 3 things your child needs07:19 - Create reset time
From Adolescence to Louis Theroux, the manosphere has become a mainstream talking point, and that's a good thing!The manosphere is a term associated with toxic behaviour. Me, you, and all other parents out there know this is not what it means to be masculine or manly, but our kids don't know that, and it is so important that we help them identify and understand problematic content when they see it, in age appropriate ways.Today I am diving inside the manosphere… well, sort of… to give you some practical tips that you can use to support those tricky conversations, and to help your children become confident, independent and compassionate people.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:17 - What is the manosphere?04:44 - The internet fills information voids07:15 - Don't panic08:47 - Don't say don't12:54 - Critical thinking skills15:45 - Help your son navigate problematic content21:19 - For single mothers
Returning to work is not easy, especially for new parents.You've probably had an extended time off. Your routine is different, your priorities are different, and life is different - you have a child now! So going back to work will never be the same as before.It is hard to adjust to your new normal, but I am going to share five ways you can shift your mindset to deal with this big change.Spoiler alert: parents might be superheroes, but we're all still human. It's ok to cut yourself some slack!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:24 - You WILL have to drop things04:57 - Control what you can in the moment08:28 - Find the tribe you need09:44 - Curate your own feed13:29 - Your child needs YOU to be ok
There are many myths about single parent families, and I'm telling you they are not true.The success, wellbeing and happiness of your child has nothing to do with how many parents they live with. In fact, children with single parents are very high achievers.But that doesn't stop you feeling isolated, lonely, even out of your depth, wondering if you're doing things right, or doing enough, or being as good a parent as everyone else.Today I'm giving your mojo back. Whether you're a single parent or not, the practical advice in this episode is valuable to all parents.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:57 - The myths of single parenting06:07 - An invisible pressure10:20 - 3 simple questions14:41 - Boundaries18:04 - Pick your battles20:50 - Community buffers stress
Calm down.Every parent knows these are the worst two words you can ever say to your child in the midst of a meltdown… and we've all learnt the hard way!Bringing your kids down from a tantrum can be impossible, and it's much better if you have the tools and the tricks to diffuse a situation or calm them down before it escalates into a full tantrum.In this episode I am going to share a life-changing parenting hack that you can use to relieve yours and your child's overwhelm, and it only takes 30 seconds.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:05 - Calm down02:54 - Meltdowns are not a behavioural problem05:02 - The physiological sigh10:21 - 3 things happen12:28 - Smell the flower, blow out the candle
You have high expectations for your kids. Every parent does, and I get it!But sometimes we can present those expectations in ways that may not be as supportive to our children as we hoped.Last week I talked through the behaviours you can model to boost your kids' academic success, confidence and friendships, so today I'm going further and giving you practical, easy to use tips for each of these, that help you manage expectations and show up in the best way possible.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Mentioned in this episode:9 Modelled Behaviours Boosting Academic Success, Confidence and Friendships - https://drmaryhan.com/episode/9-modelled-bevahiours-boosting-academic-success-confidence-friendships/ Highlights from this episode:01:30 - The Eton of State Schools05:57 - Expectation Does Not Guarantee Success12:09 - 3 Tips for Academic Success18:20 - Expectations for Confidence25:14 - Building Friendships
The UK government has opened a public consultation on a potential social media ban for under 16 year olds, and this creates a huge opportunity for us.It's not just about giving our opinion to government, but as parents we now have a real chance to connect with our kids like never before.What is their opinion on this?How do they feel?What matters to them, and why?This is chance for us to encourage our children to find a voice, and learn how to speak up for themselves whilst respecting others opinions, even if they disagree with them.And in this episode I share six reasons why this discussion is so important, and give you some practical tips to help you, as you navigate this tricky subject with your own kids.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Mentioned in this episode:Why I Now Believe in a Social Media Ban - https://drmaryhan.com/why-i-now-believe-in-a-social-media-ban-for-under-16s/ Highlights from this episode:00:53 - The social media ban03:44 - See how your child sees things07:54 - Having an opinion10:16 - Using your voice12:50 - An opportunity to shape the outcome
If you have not yet watched American skier Eileen Gu's interview following her silver medal at the recent Winter Olympics, click the link below, because it blew me away!Her confidence and self-assuredness is an amazing example to lots of young people, especially young women and girls, and it got me thinking… are there common actions or traits of parents who raise successful, confident children?We're going to find out!In this episode I am going to focus specifically on behaviours that boost academic success, confidence and friendships, and give you three practical tips for each.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Mentioned in this episode:Eileen Gu Interview - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAhmzgTSBTI Highlights from this episode:00:31 - Eileen Gu05:17 - The Bobo Doll Experiment10:28 - Modelling academic success13:02 - Persistence over perfection16:48 - Confidence is an inside job19:19 - Model realistic confidence24:17 - Friendship Jenga27:16 - Model healthy friendships
Children should be seen and not heard. Do you agree?We've all heard that expression, and we were all probably told this by our own parents! But I have noticed more and more examples of adult only areas of public spaces - on trains or in shopping malls - so I wanted to tackle this head on.For the record, I don't agree with that saying, and in this episode I am going to share five reasons why it is better for us and our children when we encourage and support them to be included.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:26 - Seen but not heard03:17 - Learning on the job08:52 - Plan A, B, and C14:16 - Focus on what you CAN control
Outbursts, tantrums, meltdowns… whatever you call them, they're not fun!But your kids are not hardwired to deal with their emotions, it's a skill they learn over time, and it's your job as parent to support them and encourage them to develop those skills.It's not easy - I can attest to that, having raised two kids myself! And that's why in this episode I help you understand what causes emotional outbursts, how these present themselves in different ages and stages, and what you can do to support them.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:59 - Fear of judgement02:32 - Emotional regulation is learned07:43 - Verbal and physical escalations10:35 - The teen years14:08 - The biggest causes of emotional outbursts18:23 - How to handle outbursts23:10 - Keep them safe27:17 - What is the skills gap?
Should I give my children pocket money?How much is enough?Should they have to earn it through chores?Knowing how much, when, and what can feel like a tricky minefield when thinking about pocket money for our kids. Some of you might decide simply not to do it, and that's ok too.I can't give you the right answer, because only you know what's best for your family, but in this bucket emptying episode, I'm going to share five benefits of pocket money, from emotional regulation to financial skills, that might just help you find the answers you're looking for.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:09 - Linking pocket money to chores03:30 - Don't eat the marshmallow!05:29 - Opportunity cost08:36 - Pocket money builds emotional regulation11:04 - Finance and social conscience
Did you know 1 in 3 children have little or no confidence?Did you know girls are more likely to downplay their confidence?And did you know that children from non-white and minority ethnic groups are likely to have less confidence than their white male friends?Today I speak to Kathryn McColl, co-founder of Hark, the education agency that delivers programmes to over 90% of UK schools. Hark recently published their Listen Up report, which collected anonymous data from 1,400 children across the UK to better understand what they call the ‘confidence crisis.'I drill down into some of their jaw-dropping insights, including the above, as we discuss why confidence appears to be on the decline among young people.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Connect with Kathryn:More about Hark - https://harklondon.com/ Get the Listen Up Report - https://harklondon.com/listen-up/ Connect on LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/kathryn-mccoll-5a918329/ Highlights from this episode:02:32 - What is Hark?05:43 - Confidence means opportunity11:08 - The impact of role models15:11 - Transitioning from primary to secondary school21:46 - Friction teaches confidence27:09 - Post exam stress29:37 - Girls hide their confidence33:37 - The confidence ladder
From gentle parenting to FAFO, social media bombards us with content about the latest trends, so how do you really know what works and what doesn't?In today's bucket emptying episode, I talk you through some of the biggest parenting trends, and explain how they can be impacting you, and the ways in which you might then choose to parent your own kids.Because parenting is all-consuming. It's a 24/7/365 gig, and the trends of day, whether we subscribe to them or not, can feel like they define us as parents. I'm here to tell you they don't!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:48 - FAFO Parenting03:30 - Are we defined by the trends?06:23 - Labels take away the overwhelm09:56 - There's no one size fits all approach12:35 - Parental intuition15:22 - Science vs media
Mental health is not just a buzz word, and oftentimes it goes hand in hand with physical health. But because we can't see mental health, as parents it can be so easy to procrastinate these important conversations that provide a safe, supportive space for our children to really get honest with us.Whether you're listening to this during Children's Mental Health week or at any other time of the year, these practical tips will really help you to kickstart conversations about mental health with your family.It might not be easy, and it might take some time, but I promise you if you persevere and remain patient, your kids will eventually feel comfortable enough to talk to you.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Mentioned in this episode:Children's Mental Health Week: https://www.childrensmentalhealthweek.org.uk/ Highlights from this episode:01:15 - Physical health IS mental health03:41 - I've noticed that…07:17 - How are you feeling?10:30 - Use books15:09 - Teachable moments16:38 - Talk out loud18:46 - 3 things to consider
A sense of belonging is a basic human need. Without it can lead to loneliness, depression and many other mental and physical health issues.So to celebrate Children's Mental Health Week, the theme of which this year is ‘this is my place', I am going to give you five tips to help your children build their sense of belonging, because the world is a better place with them in it, and it's our job as parents to help them believe that.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Mentioned in this episode:Children's Mental Health Week: https://www.childrensmentalhealthweek.org.uk/ Attachment Theory: https://drmaryhan.com/episode/attachment-theory/ Highlights from this episode:00:28 - Children's Mental Health Week02:21 - Attachment theory05:48 - Emotional availability09:27 - Help them to explore11:58 - Don't diminish their interests14:05 - Belonging starts at home16:32 - You are important
From the 8 Plus to A-Levels, exams can be a stressful experience… often as much for you, the parent, as the kids.You want the best for them, and of course you want them to do well, but it's important to make sure we create a supportive environment, and not inadvertently add to the pressure.That's why, in this important episode, I'm going to talk you through the dos and do nots of navigating exam season, and give you a bunch of super practical advice, which you can use right away.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:26 - It comes down to two things03:17 - Stay in your own lane07:29 - How to overcome self-sabotage12:29 - Supercharge your revision17:12 - Talk to your children21:15 - A balanced routine includes time for fun24:23 - Rest and restore27:17 - Support ought to be directed by the child, not us30:37 - What not to do35:28 - Trust their process!
In this bucket emptying episode, I look a bit closer at my conversation with Professor Sam Wass, who you may recognise from such TV shows as The Secret Life of 4 Year Olds. He is is currently Director of the Institute for the Science of Early Years at the University of East London.In last week's interview he spoke to us at length about his research, but in today's episode I want to drill down just a little more into some of his comments on emotional coregulation, and I'm going to share my own thoughts and some useful tips which you can put into action right away.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…More about Sam and his work:Website: https://www.profsamwass.com/ Useful research: https://www.profsamwass.com/tweet-threads/ Institute for the Science & Early Years of Youth: https://www.isey.org/ct-for-ey-and-schools Highlights from this episode:01:25 - Sam Wass on emotional coregulation07:00 - Stress contagion11:17 - Matching our children's state14:24 - Meet them where they're at
Does your child ever get worked up, and you find it escalates super fast but feel powerless to bring them down from that ledge?Every parent has been there, but it's only in recent years that we have really begun to understand the reasons why, and it's all about neuroscience.Children's brains are changing and developing all the time, which means as parents it can be so difficult to keep up, and know how to support them with things like emotional regulation, so I want to talk though some of these challenges and give you some practical advice that I hope will help you and your family.To have this conversation I am joined by Professor Sam Wass, who you may recognise from such TV shows as The Secret Life of 4 Year Olds. He is is currently Director of the Institute for the Science of Early Years at the University of East London, and shares some of his expertise, to help us all understand some of the science behind emotional regulation.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…More about Sam and his work:Website: https://www.profsamwass.com/ Useful research: https://www.profsamwass.com/tweet-threads/ Institute for the Science & Early Years of Youth: https://www.isey.org/ct-for-ey-and-schools Highlights from this episode:04:10 - Measuring brain stem activity08:08 - Nature versus nurture13:18 - Panic disorders17:20 - Long term effects of children in high stress states21:23 - Brain stem arousal is trending up25:29 - You're only still when you're dead31:25 - Children hate broccoli because of science35:18 - We're going on a bear hunt42:33 - Quadrants48:00 - Mums and dads play differently53:29 - Co-regulating59:14 - Stress contagion
“I can't do it!” - as parents we hear this all the time.Our children are learning new skills and experiencing new things every day, which means they are always facing things they've never done before. This can be scary, and often our kids might think they can't do it or they're not good enough.That's why building resilience is so important. It gives them the foundation they need to persevere, to fail without fear, and to find that inner strength when things feel tough or challenging.In today's bucket emptying I'm going to share five things you can do to create that shift, and help to build that resilience. And the best part: these are things you can start doing right now.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:49 - Non-friction06:23 - Modelling resilience08:19 - Curated friction10:20 - Boredom please12:44 - Conflict is friction14:16 - Don't rush in to fix setbacks
Why won't my kids go to sleep at their bed time?It doesn't matter if your child is 2 or 20, every parent in the world will ask themselves this question, because sometimes, even if we stick to the routine, they just won't settle down and get in bed.In this episode I continue our discussion around sleep, sharing some of the ways in which overtiredness can impact our kids and what you can do about it. Plus, I explain how things like puberty, technology and other factors have a bigger impact than you might realise.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:37 - Blankets and putty03:50 - Chronic sleep deprivation09:10 - Puberty and hormones12:27 - The emotional tank18:06 - Sibling dynamics and room sharing22:25 - Over scheduling26:02 - How to tackle overtiredness
New year is my favourite time of year.It's a chance for us to turn a blank page and make conscious changes in our lives. Maybe you want to improve your health, or perhaps you have certain career goals, or maybe you just want to save for that dream family holiday.Whatever it is you set out to do this year, it all comes down to one thing: habits.Saving money is a habit.Eating better is a habit.Exercising more is a habit.Making time for yourself and your family… you guessed it, is a habit!So in this episode, I'm going to talk through how you can create positive new habits for yourself through stacking. By following this method, you can create super meaningful changes in your life by stacking small, easy new habits.The combined results over time can be life-changing!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:58 - New year, atomic habits02:16 - Focus on the system not the goal04:34 - The two types of results06:24 - The habit that works all of the time09:02 - Little steps for a big change10:34 - A profound reminder
It's bedtime. You've done all the right things. You followed the routine. There are no disruptions. And yet… the kids just won't go to sleep!We've all been there, which is why in this episode, the first of a two-part special, I am going to explore the hidden reasons your children might not sleep.Some of these things might be hiding in plain sight, and that's ok. Over the next two episodes I am going to show you what they are, and give you some practical tips to help you manage them, so that your little ones get to sleep as peacefully and as stress-free as possible.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:13 - I wish I knew this earlier…03:57 - The 3 main functions of sleep06:18 - 5 bedtime essentials08:32 - Cool rooms make better sleep12:36 - Morning bright light is crucial17:28 - Noise20:25 - The bedroom as a multipurpose space23:56 - Diet, hydration and timing30:16 - Physical activity and energy release
What did you do today?It's the question every parents asks when we pick our kids up from school, nursery, or wherever they've been. The response is usually ‘I don't know,' ‘nothing,' or a disinterested grunt or huff, am I right?Getting our kids to open up can be painful and frustrating, so in this bucket emptying episode I am sharing 10 questions that will get your children talking.These are everyday questions, but when used at the right time can be super powerful, and you can start using them right now.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:36 - Wrong questions, wrong time03:18 - What made you laugh?05:20 - What are you looking forward to?07:07 - Who did you help today?10:41 - What did you learn about yourself?11:52 - What did someone do that you admired?13:55 - What's the nicest thing someone has done for you?15:03 - What have you tried hard at today?16:54 - What are you grateful for?17:58 - What family rule or tradition would you like to create?19:33 - Complete this sentence…
It's said that comparison is the thief of joy, and there's truth to this.Whether it's your kids thinking their life is so unfair because their friends have phones, or go to parties and they're not allowed, to you as a parent constantly judging yourself against the other mums and dads at the school gate.In this episode, I show you how to avoid the dreaded comparison trap. I explain the five step response framework, share some helpful tips to stop you comparing yourself against other parents, and talk through some examples to help you put all of this into practice.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:57 - What are we doing wrong?04:37 - The five step response framework08:17 - When to say yes14:41 - Coping when the answer is no17:41 - Age appropriate conversations21:17 - School gate gossip24:50 - Give yourself 48 hours27:31 - Talk it through with your tribe29:26 - Neurodiversity and social media32:23 - Examples36:06 - Separation comparison from genuine concern
I believe in you.I will always love you.I am always here for you.How often do you say any of these things to your children?The truth is, it's probably less you'd like to admit, and you're not alone. As parents, it's easy to get caught up in the day to day of parenting, that we forget to give our kids the affirmation and reassurance they want and need from us.In this bucket emptying episode, I'm going to share ten things that you can start saying to your children right now to build self-belief, confidence and resilience.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:57 - What is confirmation bias?05:14 - Tell me more about…08:22 - Big emotions can be tricky10:07 - I like the way you…12:20 - I'm always here when you need me14:59 - Each day I am learning more about you17:06 - I am grateful I am your parent because…18:37 - Within you is your greatest self
Have you and your family made New Year resolutions?And how many have you broken already?I love making resolutions. It's the highlight of my year. But statistics show that most New Year resolutions are broken, so you are not alone! However, making resolutions, even if we break them, can still be super valuable for our personal growth and in building confidence, especially in our kids.In today's episode I will show you how to set intentions and make realistic, achievable resolutions. I will explain how you can give yourself the best chance of succeeding, but also talk through why it's ok to break your resolutions.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, have a very happy new year, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:35 - The highlight of my year02:26 - The 10 most popular resolutions07:06 - Intentions nurtures habits of success08:53 - I am capable of doing hard things12:20 - Empowering children with agency15:30 - Use your imagination19:41 - Confidence is experiential21:52 - The world is better because you are in it25:04 - Create a habit to reflect
As 2025 draws to a close, I thought the best way to round out another year of the podcast is to give you a compilation of our best bits and the best tips in one episode.Consider this your How Not to Screw Up Your Kids cheat sheet for 2025!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, have a very happy new year, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:01:05 - Rage Against the Screen04:27 - Empowering Children with Disabilities11:11 - Generation Zombie15:56 - Raising Happy ADHD Children24:50 - How Your Children Develop Their Sense of Identity
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas from me and the team at How Not to Screw Up Your Kids. However you are celebrating, and whatever you're doing, I hope you're having some well earned time off, and getting some precious quality time with your loved ones.Just in case you need a few wise words of encouragement in your ear, here are some of the best bits from the last year of the podcast, taken from some of your most favourite episodes.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:51 - Adolescence: Lessons for Raising Boys11:46 - I Yell… Then I Cry… Then I Google ‘Gentle Parenting'16:05 - The Five Things All Children Need28:08 - Building Children and Teens' Self Belief and Confidence31:00 - From Google to the Great Outdoors: Why Spending More Time Outside is GOOD for Your Children
Our children are sponges. They absorb our energy.So when we start our day with a bang, that rubs off, and our kids will be unbalanced from the get go. And that just sets us all up for a difficult day, doesn't it?So, in today's bucket emptying episode, I'm going to share my top tips on how to set up your day for calm, cooperation and compassion.I will give you 5 things that you can do at the start of your day, and 2 things to do at the end, and you can start them right now!So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:30 - Less bang, more fizz02:38 - The wake up rule05:26 - Screen time embargo07:20 - Early movement09:51 - Get ready11:14 - Today is a new day15:00 - One lesson learnt
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