Podcasts about emptying

Sleep Guided Meditation Zen Story - Emptying Your CupDrift into deep sleep with this transformative guided sleep meditation inspired by one of the most famous Zen stories: “Emptying the Cup.”

Take a deep breath. Half the oxygen you just inhaled came from one place, the ocean. But right now, that invisible life support system is sending distress signals. Warmer waters. Emptying nets. Coastlines that no longer look familiar. This World Oceans Day, we explore what happens when the thing we've taken for granted begins to shift and how we can rise to meet that challenge. On the show: Steve, Fei Fei & Yushan

But then they did

(Group Learning Program) - Chapter 17 - Eliminating Fears: Are Your Really Scared? at Wat Tung YuOur fears play a significant role in inhibiting us from realizing our full potential in life. We get a good idea and either do not pursue it all the way or we give up at some point because we fear failure so we fail because we do not even try.There are countless fears in life that the mind has the potential to hold on to including the fear of death.Through the process of pursuing Enlightenment, you need to eliminate all fears from the mind including the fear of death. You will also need to train the mind to trust all beings. Emptying your fears will help you to trust all beings.In this Podcast, David will teach you how to eliminate fears on The Path to Enlightenment so the mind can be liberated from constant fear.——-Daily Wisdom - Walking The Path with The BuddhaDedicated to the education of Gotama Buddha's Teachings to attain Enlightenment.https://www.BuddhaDailyWisdom.com(See our website for online learning, courses, and retreats.)Group Learning Program - LIVE Interactive Online Classes, Book, Audiobook, Videos, Podcast and Personal Guidancehttps://mailchi.mp/f958c59262eb/buddhadailywisdomThe Words of The Buddha - Pali Canon in English Study Grouphttps://mailchi.mp/6bb4fdf2b6e0/palicanonstudyprogramFREE Book - Developing a Life Practice: The Path That Leads to Enlightenmenthttps://www.buddhadailywisdom.com/freebuddhabooksFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DailyWisdom999YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DailyWisdom999Podcast: https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/buddhadailywisdom/Support our efforts to share The Teachings of Gotama Buddha with you and worldwide for all people using this link.https://www.buddhadailywisdom.com/supportbuddha#buddhism #learnbuddhism #enlightenment #dhamma #dharma #buddha #meditation #meditationretreat #meditationcourse

Emptying our cup is part of life. Giving all when can is often necessary and needed. Love and devotion. Giving your all, is just that. It leads to depletion. How do we find ourselves caring clouds our vision? Tahnya Brown is my guest. Her booked is called Blurred. Listen in and shine on. xo Kc

While the 2026 NBA Playoffs are in full, exciting swing, idle thoughts about the Jazz have turned into annoying rumors and rage-baiting nonsense. Mark Russell Pereira (jazzmanmark.com) takes some time to walk through some of the more pervasive and ridiculous rumors out there, so that we have a clean slate to fairly analyze Utah's upcoming offseason in subsequent episodes.

From 1 Timothy 5:1-8 and Paul's instruction concerning widows, we learn that the latter half of life, both empty nesting and old age, is not merely a domestic or physical adjustment but a profound new chapter of discipleship marked by emptying. While the world treats this season as loss to be resisted, Scripture frames it as kenosis, the very pattern Jesus modeled in Philippians 2 of receiving, humbling, and being glorified. Older saints are called to receive the emptying rather than reject it, humbly placing their hope in God rather than themselves, and resisting the twin temptations of self-indulgence and bitterness that leave a soul "dead even while she lives." Instead, this season is meant to be one of filling, with grace, gratitude, and worship, leading to a godly pouring out through intercession, testimony, and spiritual mothering and fathering of the next generation. Younger saints, in turn, are charged not to assault or overlook older members but to walk alongside them with purity and compassion, as fathers, mothers, brothers, and sisters. The passage finds its fullest picture on the Road to Emmaus, where the risen Jesus draws near to two emptied, disappointed disciples, walks at their pace, opens the Scriptures to reveal that emptying is the road to glory, fills their hearts at the breaking of bread, and sends them running back to pour out their testimony: the picture of every saint's second-half journey with Christ.

Ep. 233 | In the last episode of the Path of Love Series with A. H. Almaas, Hameed explores the themes he introduced in the later chapters of his new book, The Inner Beloved. Hameed clarifies the role of mind on the path of heart (the mind is bedazzled and awed; the heart open), and details what happens when we reach the beloved, like “falling in love with everything” and experiencing the absolute as a “coming home” (even though there's no one there!). We learn that, on the path of love, no matter what we do or don't do, a heart-driven force beyond the mind is pulling us onward. Once we arrive, we realize the beloved has always been there—which is why our heart has been longing for the beloved all along.Hameed explains that on the path of love, nonduality becomes intimacy—reality itself is pure intimacy, he says—and in fact, the nonbeingness of the beloved is the ultimate truth of reality. In a state of mystical poverty, we discover that all we are and have ever been has been borrowed from the beloved. The culmination of this Path of Love Series ends very beautifully, the love and intimacy of the beloved pervading Hameed's words and the images he conjures for us. “The world is simply the luminosity of the beloved,” Hameed says. In listening to him, we share in some of the wonderful sense of coming home he experienced, a little of the radiant luminosity, too, and his own ongoing excitement over the ever unfolding mystery of the divine. Recorded April 9, 2026.“We can be in the lap of the beloved and still enjoy life—loving everything from that place.”Topics & Time StampsIntroducing the 4th dialogue in the Path of Love Series with A. H. Almaas, focusing on the role of mind and the culmination of the path (00:49)On the path of love you are heart-driven by forces that mind cannot fathom (01:39)Hameed's experience of falling in love with everything and experiencing the absolute as if “coming home” (03:00)The mind is bedazzled by the Mystery and recognizes its limitation in relation to the heart (08:20)When you get there, you realize the beloved has always been there (11:46)Emptiness beyond normal emptiness: Hameed calls this “absence” (13:05)The great liberation: where there's nothing more to dissolve (17:18)As we are pulled, the love deepens & intensifies; we drown in the passion (22:06)Mystical poverty: the soul recognizes all of its qualities are borrowed from the beloved (25:05)What is right relationship between the realized heart and a healthy mind? (25:51)Krishnamurti would talk about no mind—but he was always using mind (28:40)Cutting through illusion & Hameed's transmission from Manjushri (30:29)True mind: knowing in the moment (38:43)Dissolving dichotomies into wholeness: the world is simply the luminosity of the beloved (43:31)The ultimate truth of reality: the nonbeingness of the beloved (50:21)When tantra is enhanced by real love, then you can dissolve into the vastness (53:30)Stabilizing the realization is the second stage, actualizing the realization and not going back to the “doer” is the third stage (58:51)The dissolution of self doesn't necessarily last: humility is an important step towards making the realization more constant (01:00:46) Nonbeing is the essence of intimacy: being completely one with the inner beloved (01:03:43)On the path of love, nonduality becomes intimacy; reality itself is pure intimacy (01:06:22)For fans of the A. H. Almaas Wisdom Series, the Wisdom Series, based on Hameed's book The Inner Journey Home, will be continued in June 2026.Resources & ReferencesA. H. Almaas, The Inner Beloved: The Heart's Journey to Divine UnityPrevious Deep Transformation Path of Love dialogues: Entering the Path of Heart, Emptying the Heart of All that Obscures the Inner Beloved & Dissolving into Bliss: The Ecstasy of Ego DeathKabir, Indian mystic and poet, Songs of KabirRumi, The Book of Love: Poems of Ecstasy and LongingFakhr al-Din Iraqi, Persian Sufi poet, Divine FlashesSt. John of the Cross, The Dark Night of the SoulKrishnamurti, Indian spiritual figure, speaker, and writerManjushri, bodhisattva of discriminating wisdom, wielding the sword of discriminationAvalokiteśvara, principle bodhisattva in Buddhism, associated with Great CompassionVajrapāṇi, principal bodhisattva in Mahayana & Vajrayana Buddhism, embodying the condensed power, energy, and strength of all the BuddhasJigme Lingpa, a central figure in the Nyingma School of Tibetan BuddhismProclus, Neoplatonic philosopher who hierarchically structures all levels of reality, including the complex subdivisions of the intellectHuston Smith, “The larger the island of knowledge, the longer the shoreline of wonder,” from Beyond the Post-Modern Mind---Deep Transformation's Path of Love Series with A. H. AlmaasDeep Transformation's Path of Love Series with A. H. Almaas begins with an overview of Hameed Ali's Love Trilogy — Love Unveiled, Nondual Love, and The Inner Beloved — to orient us on the spiritual path of love unique to Hameed Ali and the Diamond Approach, then delves into the profound and deeply touching topics Hameed addresses in his most recent book, The Inner Beloved, published in February 2026. Listeners may want to get a copy of this book, to study and follow along on this extraordinary path of awakening. Also, if you are interested in taking a course on The Inner Beloved in the fall of 2026, you can register your interest here: https://da.pages.ontraport.net/inner-beloved-interest.---Special Diamond Approach Course Discount...

Brett records an episode without Christina and Jeff and chats with Melissa Davis (The Mac Mommy) about her start as a mommy blogger and longtime Mac podcaster, her tech-support work, and the strange lack of closure when online friends disappear. They trade mental-health and chronic-illness updates, Adderall vs. Vyvanse, difficulty finding curious doctors, and being labeled “worried well.” Don’t worry, they nerd out on mechanical keyboards, Karabiner, and remapping keys. GrAPPtitudes include Bartender 6 Pro, Sortio for AI tagging, Sketch Party TV, and Karabiner. Sponsor OneSkin improves your skincare routine with science-backed skin care products. With over 10,000 five-star reviews and validation from clinical studies, OneSkin has made a name for itself in the skincare industry. If you’re interested in trying OneSkin for yourself, you can get 15% off your order with the code OVERTIRED at oneskin.co/OVERTIRED. Chapters 00:00 Meet Melissa Davis 00:56 Early Podcast Days 02:20 Tech Support Seniors 05:52 Digital Legacy Work 06:50 Sponsor: OneSkin 08:14 Mental Health Check In 08:34 Insomnia And Focus 13:19 Doing Time Tracker 16:04 Suspenders And Stenosis 20:18 Mobility And Home Hacks 22:10 Melissa Health Update 23:25 ADHD Meds And Mutations 25:25 Curious Doctors Matter 27:59 Vyvanse Vs Adderall 30:26 Tracking Mood With Data 32:27 Cane And Somatic Therapy 36:09 Somatics For EDS 36:50 Yoga Modifications 38:19 Polycystic Liver Shock 39:20 Fatphobia In Healthcare 40:56 Pole Dancing Reality Check 41:55 Mechanical Keyboard ASMR 45:56 Nail Art And Picking 49:09 Keyboard Layout Rabbit Hole 01:00:59 Shortcuts And Muscle Memory 01:03:12 GrAPPtitude App Picks 01:14:07 Karabiner Power Tips 01:17:30 Wrap Up And Thanks Show Links hEDS Doing Timing Royal Kludge Keyboard Gamakey Silent Linear Switches EPOMAKER Switch Benefit Section EPOMAKER AegisSil Keycaps Set SketchParty TV Karabiner Sortio Bartender Pro Day One Join the Conversation Merch Come chat on Discord! Twitter/ovrtrd Instagram/ovrtrd Youtube Get the Newsletter Thanks! You’re downloading today’s show from CacheFly’s network BackBeat Media Podcast Network Check out more episodes at overtiredpod.com and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app. Find Brett as @ttscoff, Christina as @film_girl, Jeff as @jsguntzel, and follow Overtired at @ovrtrd on Twitter. Transcript Nails and Keys with Melissa Davis (The Mac Mommy) [00:00:00] Meet Melissa Davis Brett: Hey, this is Brett Terpstra. I am without my usual cohorts, Christina and Jeff. Um, so I, I wanted to, you know, get a, get an episode out for all of you listeners, and I reached out to Melissa Davis, known as The Mac Mommy. Um, I don’t, I, I don’t know if they’re still known as The Mac Mommy, but in m- in my lifetime they have been. Um, Melissa, why don’t you introduce yourself, let people know, like, M-Ma- long time, like Mac personality, podcaster. Tell us where you came from. Melissa: Where did I come from? Outer space. Uh, I came from being a mom. I, I, I will admit, this is hard to admit, But I will admit I started out as a mommy blogger. That’s, like, kind of a bad word nowadays. Brett: back, back, yeah, this is way Back when Melissa: [00:01:00] Yeah. Early Podcast Days Melissa: so we’re talking, like… Well, my oldest is gonna be 20, Brett. My oldest is gonna be 20 this summer. End of, end of June he’ll be 20 years old. So that’s about how long I’ve been doing podcasting. I mean, I started, I started, like, when… Well, you know what? I started listening to Adam Christianson’s The MacCast Brett: But you know what? I started Sure. Like one of the very first podcasts, Yeah. Melissa: still, I still listen to him on the Mac Geek Gab. Like, his voice is just so soothing to me. I used to… Like, that was the f- Back when I had, I had, I remember I had, like, an old G4, uh, Quicksilver Mac, and in the stinky little back room of our old house. And I used to, I used to download the podcasts, burn them on a CD, put them in my Walkman, ’cause I didn’t have an iPod yet at the time. I wasn’t that… I was never really that cutting edge. And I’d burn them on a CD, I’d put the CD in my Walkman, and then I would sit and nurse, I would nurse my baby. I, [00:02:00] and I would have to tuck the, uh, the headphones, you know, I’d have the ear- the, the wired, kinda like I have now, uh, and tuck it behind my back, like, behind my shoulder, because otherwise he’d, like, yank on the cord. And I would just listen to podcasts while I nursed. And I… And then, uh, then I met Victor Cajiao, and I started just kind of being, like, a serial podcaster, showing up here and there, and then it just kinda grew from there. Tech Support Seniors Melissa: Um, and I do… So I do tech support. I’m an IT tech s- tech support person. I… People call me their computer guru. I mostly work with, uh, the senior population, our, our vintage people, which I, I’m slowly becoming one of them. We’re all, we’re all gonna go that way. Brett: I feel like anyone who does Mac tech support deals with probably an, a, a population that skews older. Melissa: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it’s actually, it’s actually more– I will say it’s actually more difficult to work with somebody younger. Like, especially people my age or people [00:03:00] that are like, say, in their sixties I consider pretty young, 70 even. Uh, yeah, so but it’s, you know, the people are so, so interesting. You can learn so much. I love working with this population because they’re like encyclopedias, and the stories they tell you and the things you learn, it’s pretty amazing. And I could just, I could just spend– I have actually spent all day with some of them. Some of us just have really great chemistry and, you know, it’s… They– I, I’m also– I have ADHD, that’s no secret. And I think when you get older, um, not– it doesn’t affect everybody, but I do see a lot of what could be either they, they have ADHD or it’s like a– Brett: they have Melissa: of creeps in and it’s just a natural process of aging, cognitive decline. So, yep. Brett: have a lot of patience. Sure. S- some of my, some of my most interesting relationships over the last 10 years have been with, uh, Mac users in their late 70s, [00:04:00] 80s. And, uh, like they’ve been– They’re very– Like, they’re definitely… The people that I’ve known have been technically capable and very interested in learning. That’s why they follow me. That’s how I meet them, right? They’re like, they read my blog, which is just all nerd stuff. And, and so they’re, they’re technically competent, and they’re doing things that I can only aspire to be doing in my 70s and 80s. Um, I had a guy who was writing his memoirs at, in between like mountain bike rides. And so here’s the thing, though, is when you, when you know someone online and they’re in their 80s and you stop hearing from them for a Melissa: Yes. Yes. Brett: you have to assume that they have passed on. and that is sad, and you never really get any closure because you don’t know their friends or family. You [00:05:00] never get like a notice, an obituary. You don’t, you don’t know where these people go, um, and you don’t know how to check in on them once your normal channels of communication are severed. Melissa: Yeah, we’re at that age where we probably start reading the obituaries. Like, I haven’t heard from so-and-so in a while. Let me check the obits." Brett: I had, I had– Before NVUltra went on for, what’s it, like five years now, uh, without a release, um, I had a project called BitWriter with David Halter. And Melissa: remember you mentioning that, yeah. Yeah, and you wondered. Mm-hmm. Brett: he stopped responding. Melissa: you find out any at all? Any, Any, concrete… Brett: Nothing. I have put feelers out everywhere I can think of. I have no idea what happened to him. Melissa: went Richard Simmons, huh? Brett: yeah. Yeah. With less Melissa: No contact. No contact. Aw. Digital Legacy Work Melissa: I, I’m lucky that, uh, in my line of [00:06:00] work, I do typically hear from the family if they’ve passed on, because I form kind of a bond with a lot of people. I, I typically don’t lose clients unless they die, so… Brett: and you have some, like, in real life connections to Melissa: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I do, I do both. I do… I have some clients where I’ve never met them in person, I’ve only ever done remote. Uh, and then, but most of my clients are, are local, the majority of them. But I, I still s- see them remotely too, so yeah. I’ve, I’ve actually been hired by some people, um, mostly I’ve had two male clients who they got a terminal illness, they knew they were terminal, and they followed me online and they pretty much hired me to take care of their surviving spouse. So that, that was… that’s a difficult thing, but I’m just honored that they chose me to, to help them out with that. So I’ve kind of been a bit of a digital undertaker in that regard. Sponsor: OneSkin Christina: I want to take a moment to share something that has significantly improved my skincare routine, OneSkin. [00:07:00] So we all have those days when our skin doesn’t feel its best, and I’ve certainly been in that boat, especially recovering from surgery. And I was tired of navigating through endless products that promised results, but often fell short. And that’s when I discovered OneSkin. It was founded by scientists dedicated to longevity, and this brand stands out for its commitment to real science over marketing hype. They tackle the fundamental question of how to actually slow down skin aging rather than just masking it. And their groundbreaking ingredient is, uh, ZeroS01, and it’s a proprietary peptide designed to help deactivate the damaged cells that contribute to aging skin. Since incorporating OneSkin into my routine, I’ve actually been noticing some improvements. My skin feels smoother. It looks more vibrant. Um, it’s definitely more moisturized, and so this is benefiting from its focus on supporting collagen and strengthening the skin barrier. With over 10,000 five-star reviews and validation from clinical studies, OneSkin has made a name for itself in the skincare industry. If [00:08:00] you’re interested in trying OneSkin for yourself, you can get 15% off your order with the code OVERTIRED at oneskin.co/overtired. That’s 15% off at oneskin.co/overtired using the code OVERTIRED. Thank you for supporting our show by checking them out Mental Health Check In Brett: Um, so do you wanna do a mental health Melissa: Sure. Brett: I, I know, I know you’ve listened to the show before. I know you know how this works. Melissa: how this works. Brett: Would you like to start? Melissa: I think I would like to hear you start, and then I’ll, I’ll add on Brett: that sounds good. Insomnia And Focus Brett: Um, so sleep continues to be a major issue for me. Um, I actually for four days in a row last week, I got eight hours of sleep a night, which was insane. I felt so good. Um- The first night… So I take [00:09:00] Lamictal for bipolar, and if I miss my evening dose, I crash and I sleep in the next morning, and I sleep soundly. Like, it’s the best sleep I can get. And then I wake up and all of a sudden the withdrawal kicks in, and then I’m shaky and dizzy for half an hour after I take the dose. Um, but that’s after, like, a solid night of sleep, and it never works two nights in a row. And, like, I’ve tried, like, maybe if I take Lamictal in the mornings instead of the evenings, maybe I’ll sleep through the night. It doesn’t work after that first missed dose. Um, but then I just, without making any changes in my lifestyle, started sleeping, and I thought finally after, like, two years of insomnia, I had turned a corner, because I can’t remember the last time I got eight hours of sleep for more than two nights in a [00:10:00] row. And then it ended, and then I was up. I’ve been up since 2:30 today. Melissa: I wondered, yep. Brett: I mean, I went to bed at 8:00, so that’s still nine, 10, 11, 12, 11, Melissa: I actually dozed off on the couch around 8:30. Like, if only I could just be in my bed right now, just be, like, transported. Yeah. Oh. Brett: Oh, I, I wish. If I could go back to bed… Like, sometimes I’ll, I’ll lay back down around 7:00 or 8:00 and get, like, another half hour of sleep, but it’s really that, like, uninterrupted block of deep sleep that I need, not… I take naps during the day, and I can usually fall asleep for half an hour, um, given that I’m usually functioning on five hours of sleep anyway. But anyway, um, I– That, that’s just kind of par for the course for me, so, like, any, any of our listeners know that that’s gonna be the first thing I report. Melissa: are you, [00:11:00] like, kinda competing? Like, are you trying to get eight hours because that’s what’s prescribed? Have you ever thought about Brett: be- actually, what works eight and a half, like I’ve, I’ve… Back when I had the option to sleep more than five hours, like, I did a lot of kind of experimentation and Melissa: know where your sweet spot is. Brett: Well, it… See, the sweet pot- spot changes as you age, though, and you need less sleep as you get older. So, so I can’t say for sure that eight and a half hours is still my sweet spot. Um, and I think honestly, if I can sleep seven hours, I feel pretty good, and I consider seven hours a good night’s sleep. Melissa: Yeah, ’cause mine’s like between four and six. Brett: really? Yeah. See, Melissa: feel Brett: I don’t function well. Oh, I don’t function well on anything less than seven hours. Melissa: I just have a love-hate relationship with sleep. I just don’t– I just hate to sleep. I just would rather be doing other things. Life is [00:12:00] just too interesting. Brett: I get that. I– get that. I– as someone who’s bipolar and has had like manic episodes where I’m up for five days straight, like I, I love not sleeping. Um, w- when, when I have the mania to give me energy and back it up. It’s when I’m just dragging all day and feel like a zombie. The thing– The, the plus side to it is the more tired I am, up to a certain point, the better I can focus. Like my brain slows down and it’s really easy for me to get into hyperfocus. And like most mornings I’m up at, you know, 2:30, 3:00 and I just start coding. And I can not only hyperfocus, but I can switch focus between three or four different projects like simultaneously. I hit compile on one, I move on to the next one, and I can rotate [00:13:00] through them and like keep track of all of it. And then right around 10:00 AM, my ability to do that ends and suddenly I like flip to a project and I cannot for the life of me remember what I was doing, which is why I’ve spent my life building note-taking apps and, and time tracking tools. Melissa: Yep, same thing. Doing Time Tracker Brett: dude, h- d- I don’t… You might not be familiar with my project Doing. Melissa: N-no, but I– you alluded to something. that’s not what you’re working on with Dan though, is it? Brett: No, no, that’s gonna be Melissa: Dan on that too. I, I, don’t know what it is yet, but yeah, I’m, I’m Brett: Oh, it’s… Yeah, it’s gonna be cool. Melissa: that’s so exciting. Brett: no, Doing is a command line tool where you can type things like, “Doing now podcasting with Melissa,” and it starts a timer for like what I’m doing now, and then I can ask it if I leave and come back, I can say, “What was I doing?” And it’ll tell me, [00:14:00] “You’re podcasting with Melissa.” Obviously, that’s a weird example ’cause I’m not gonna leave in the middle of this. But then it can give you like totals, time, tag-based time totals, uh, for your week and everything. It can show you like what you finished yesterday. Um, it’s not so much a task tracking app as it is a tool for keeping track of what you’re doing in the moment. Um, for, for people like me who switch between four projects at once, it’s really handy. And some guy, some fucking guy Melissa: Some fucking guy. Brett: it, rewrote it in Rust, and it is really good. it is really good. Uh, he like, I- Oh yeah, I use Melissa: Okay, ’cause Brett: This is, this is separate. this is this is a little more ‘ intentional than Timing. Um, I use both. They kind of work together, and Doing can actually import Timing’s JSON exports. So you can turn your, you can turn [00:15:00] all your Timing data into command line, uh, readable Doing files. Um, but anyway, this guy rewrote it in Rust with my permission, and he gave me full credit on the page. And I think I’m switching ’cause Doing is written in Ruby, and Ruby is slow, and Rust is fast. And like my Doing file where it stores all of my current projects, like my Doing items, gets so big that it can take Doing like up to five seconds to respond when I ask it, “What was I doing today?” Which is five seconds is a long time on the command line. Um, and his Melissa: pretty instantaneous. Brett: his version is like 100 milliseconds. Boom. But anyway, Melissa: It’s almost like you built your own little AI thing. Like, what was I doing? What Brett: kinda, kinda, yeah. Melissa: you doing, Dave? Brett: This is, this [00:16:00] was built long before AI was a common thing, but the other thing that’s contributing to my mental health Suspenders And Stenosis Brett: is suspenders. Melissa: Ah, yes. Brett: So I have I have gained 100 pounds, um, not, n-not of my own choice, but like I had rapid weight gain and I recently got a stenosis diagnosis, which I hate the Melissa: telling you, I’m telling you, we’re like 23 and me here. I’ve got that too. Brett: apparently during one of my, like when I gained 50 pounds in like six weeks, my body was looking for places to store all the new fat and decided my spine might be a good place for that. Um, so I have fat in my spine and I have degrading discs. This is separate from my love of suspenders, so I’ll get back to [00:17:00] that. I, um, Melissa: Wait till you get it in your eyeballs. Brett: Oh, for real? Melissa: Yeah, you can have… I have, um, what’s it called? Cholesterol. Yeah, if you look at your eyes really close, if you see like a white kind of w- ridge around your irises, that’s cholesterol. Brett: Oh, wow. Yeah, I hope, I hope that hasn’t happened yet, but who knows? Um, Melissa: Brings out Brett: I– So I have all this, I have all this extra weight and I had a lot of trouble with belts. A, belts hurt ’cause they dig into my, my gut, and they don’t really work. I, every, every time I stood up, my butt crack showed and I had to like wiggle my pants up. And then I I tried a pair of suspenders and it was like a l- a switch had been flipped. All of a sudden my pants just stayed up without any constriction around my waist, just like they just stayed with me wherever I went. And now I can, [00:18:00] I can tuck my shirts in and it actually looks kinda cool when you got the suspenders look going on. Which means, so like for a long time I only wore one brand of shirt, um, and because they, it was, it fit my belly and it was long enough and like it wasn’t, wasn’t baggy around the top and didn’t hang off my belly like a muumuu. Melissa: Mm-hmm, Brett: And like, so I, I, I only wore this brand of shirt and I own like 15 of them, and I would just cycle through Melissa: dresses, they’re just your Walmart $10 cotton tank dress. Love it. Brett: Yeah. But now that I can tuck my shirts in and feel okay about it, I can buy those extra large nerd shirts, ones with funny slogans and stuff on them. And normally those would hang straight down off my belly, and I hate the way that looks. But now I can tuck those in, which means I can get back to wearing funny, [00:19:00] ironic T-shirts, and it, it’s like opening up a whole new world of possibilities Melissa: That is a bonus for mental health. Brett: every day now I put on my suspenders and it makes me happy. Um, Melissa: wonderful. It’s almost like a, like a mobility aid. Brett: Kinda, yeah. Melissa: yeah. Brett: of, I– So I, I have a monopod, um, like a tripod that folds up into a walking stick, and it’s nice and light and it is an adjustable height ’cause it’s designed to be used as a camera tripod. Um, and I’ve started walking with it Melissa: yeah. kinda like you’re Brett: I c- yeah. Yeah. Like one of my fat friends has s- literal like ski poles. They’re like half height ski poles and they walk with them and it helps them a ton, and I Melissa: Yeah, hikers use those. Brett: try that out. But a walking stick [00:20:00] really does help with my stenosis, but I can still, even with a stick, I can only walk for about five minutes, which is about .3, Melissa: Yeah. Brett: 3, .3 miles. Um, and then I have to stop and sit, and it’s been a real pain, literally. Mobility And Home Hacks Melissa: And is standing difficult, too? Brett: standing is worse than walking. Melissa: thing, yeah. Standing’s worse. Brett: Yeah. Like if I am in the kitchen and I’m at the stove cooking, before the onions start to brown, I have to sit Melissa: Yeah. Yep. Brett: Uh, so we now have a stool in our kitchen, Melissa: Do you have one in the shower? Brett: yes. Well, our shower, our shower has a nice, like the back of the tub is a seat. Melissa: Oh, okay. Yeah. Brett: I don’t know if this house was designed by old people or not, but, um, but it’s certainly everything is relatively [00:21:00] accessible in that way. Um, but the stool in the kitchen means I can cook dinner. Emptying the dishwasher is the worst for me. That just like bending over, picking stuff up, and then just moving back and forth, like the five feet across our kitchen. My– I, it takes me three stops, three rests to get a dishwasher emptied. Um, and then I’m kind of ruined after that. I hate it. And I hate that I Melissa: stress mat? Brett: What’s that? Oh, you mean Melissa: mat to stand on? Gotta get, gotta Brett: think that would help? Melissa: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I have Brett: used to have one Melissa: and one in front of the kitchen, and I don’t even, I don’t even, do the cooking. Brett: Ha. I used to, I used to have one of those in front of the stove when I w- when I didn’t have pain, but just because I was really getting into cooking and I was spending a lot of time, and I was starting to feel it in my knees. Um, yeah, maybe I should do Melissa: I think it’s a fatigue [00:22:00] mat, I think they call it. Brett: Yeah. Melissa: Yeah, Brett: That sounds Melissa: plus they look cool if you get little designs on them and stuff. Yeah. Oh, we could spend the day talking about just mobility aids and ergonomics and all that kind of stuff. Melissa Health Update Brett: Well, it’s your turn. Talk about whatever you like. Melissa: Yeah, you give me some ideas to talk about. Um, yeah, I struggle with a lot of the same things that you do. Um, I’m always like kinda comparing notes every time you post something. I’m like, "Oh No, ‘Cause you talked about Have you … You haven’t started the injections yet, have you? Brett: No, and they just delayed those. I don’t get them until like June 20th or something. Melissa: nervous about those for you, because I’ve had those and I’ve decided to just swear off them, so I’ll just kinda give you just a heads-up. I mean, it does raise your blood sugar, so that’s not great, and, um, it can give you the roid rage, kinda make you angry, so that’s something to watch out for, and more weight gain, so …But it’s like one of those things where you just have to kinda try [00:23:00] it and see if it works, because if it does work, then you could be more mobile and then maybe drop a few pounds and get some of that weight off of your spine. But if it doesn’t work, just know that that can happen, Brett: my doctor did not mention any of those side effects, so good to Melissa: Yeah. Yeah. It’s, it’s the chronic life, so that’s, that’s what, that’s what, uh, affects my mental health, so I’m, I’m really good at faking it. I am actually … I will say I’m actually feeling a little bit more even. ADHD Meds And Mutations Melissa: I’m on, uh … I love when you talk about different prescriptions and stuff. Uh, I just mentioned, so I’m taking Adderall. That is, ugh, it’s a mixed bag. Um, I wanted to ask you about Vyvanse, cause that’s the next thing for me, but it’s, like, super expensive, so I’m trying to make Adderall work as best I can, but I’m, I’m in the process of playing with the dosage. But I think she told me, like, the highest was 30. The thing is, uh, I’ve had genetic testing done, and [00:24:00] I have this condit- not a condition, but it’s a I’m a mutant. It’s a genetic mutation called, it’s, it’s just initials. It’s MTHFR, lovingly known as Brett: you process your, your, chemicals twice as … fast. I have Melissa: Yes, faster processing in the liver. So that’s when she told me, ’cause she started, uh, me out on methylphenidate, and I was like, “Well, what about Adderall?” Because it, I see it work for my kids, you know? The kids are chip off the old block, right? And so I’ve had them tested too, and all three of us are positive for that. It’s lovelin- lovingly known as the motherfucker gene mutation. Um, yeah, so, and it is. It’s, it’s quite a bitch, um, ’cause it causes a whole bunch of other problems. And of course, we’ve talked about Ehlers-Danlos, so I have, uh, hypermobile Eh- Ehlers-Danlos. I’m having a hard time … I’m just having a hard time with that in general, mental health wise, because there’s just not enough awareness about it, enough people, and doctors, doctors and nurses. And you know, I’ll, I’ll say I wanna, I would love to be able to get [00:25:00] to a point where I can just say, “I have H-E-D-S,” or heads or what- however they’re gonna pronounce it, and, like, somebody know what that is when I go in for an appointment. But I still have to explain it, you know? And then that, that cuts into my time. ‘Cause they only … When you’re, when you’re our age, they only give you, like, 15 minutes, if that. When you’re much older, ’cause I’ve had to take, I’ve had to take family members to the doctor, they get a whole lot more time. But, uh, you know, it’s like, "Oh, you’re, you’re too young to be this sick. You’re too young to be this old," Brett: Right. Yeah. Curious Doctors Matter Brett: Um, I did– I found that doctor for me that knew exactly what all those acronyms meant, knew exactly, like, not only did they know what POTS was, they knew like seven different kinds of POTS and what tests to use to narrow it down. And then she got called up to National Guard Melissa: Oh, I wondered, I wondered, what happened to that doctor, ’cause it sounded so Brett: I waited. I was on a, I was on– I w- I had an appointment scheduled that was gonna be six months from the time she [00:26:00] left. Um, and I had it scheduled, and it was on July 7th. And then I got a letter in the mail saying that her Guard duty had been extended, and now I can’t see her again until September. And, like, I’ve, I’ve tried seeing other doctors that work with her, but none of them have the knowledge she has, and it was such a relief Melissa: Is this the curious one? Okay. I always think about you whenever I’m either looking for a provider or in the, in the midst of, of getting, you know, shuffled around to a new provider. I’m like, “I hope they’re curious,” ’cause that made– that meant so much to me when you explained about how a doctor needs to be curious. I’m like, “That’s what I need.” I need somebody… Or even just my therapist. I have a new, a new therapist that I see, and she’s really curious, and I really, really like that about her. That’s something that helps with mental health, is when somebody’s curious, ’cause I’m Brett: it goes h- it goes hand in hand with credulousness. Like, [00:27:00] first they have to be willing to believe you, and like, especially when it comes to invisible issues like EDS. Like, you have to be willing to believe a person and then be curious enough to look for answers. Like, the first step is believing, and the second step is curiosity. Melissa: Yes. I’ve already had my patient record marked as… Have you ever heard this one? Worried well. Brett: No. Melissa: I looked it up. It’s basically hypochondriac. Brett: Yeah, that’s what I was gonna guess. That Melissa: Yep. I actually– I was proud of myself because I actually did confront the doctor about it and I said, “What does this mean?” I said, “I, I looked it up and it kinda concerns me ’cause it makes me look like a hypochondriac.” And she said, "Oh, no, no, that’s just a, a code that we use when we don’t have something else to assign to it so that insurance will pay." Bullshit. Brett: Yeah, right? I feel like that’s exactly the kind of [00:28:00] thing insurance doesn’t pay. Melissa: Mm-hmm. so Vyvanse Vs Adderall Brett: what do you wanna know about Vyvanse? Melissa: Um, a- and I know it’s different for everybody, but I just kinda wondered what your take was on it. Um, how– can you compare it to Adderall at all for me, Brett: Yeah. Melissa: no comparison? Brett: it’s basically a non-abusable, I would call it lower lying version of, of Adderall. Like, it’s in the same family of stimulant as Adderall, but it can’t– It isn’t processed or it’s… I don’t remember how the mechanics of it work, but you can’t snort it basically. Like, it doesn’t, it doesn’t do anything Melissa: Which I wouldn’t wanna do anyway ’cause there’s nothing up here. Brett: Sure. Sure. And then, yeah, I’m not suggesting that was gonna be a problem for you. Um, but it’s also, like, it’s way, um, for me anyway, it’s way calmer. [00:29:00] Um, and there are people that say it doesn’t do anything at all. Um, especially a lot of people, a lot of people say the generic version doesn’t do anything, um, and that the name brand version does, but I haven’t found that to be true. Like the generic, which you’re correct, still costs like 200 bucks a month, um, for the generic. Um, but it is– It’s not my favorite. Melissa: I wondered why– what made you stop taking it. Did it just not work for you? Brett: No, I still take Vyvanse. Um, yeah. Um, I used to take, um, Focalin, which I loved. Melissa: That really worked for my kiddo, yep. Brett: but it also triggered my mania, Melissa: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Brett: so I was always walking this line of like, do I wanna be super productive and manic with like weeks of depression in between, [00:30:00] or do I just wanna be somewhat productive and stable? Um, which is why I’ve stuck with Vyvanse, and my doctor loves it enough for me that she won’t, she won’t prescribe anything else for me at this point. Like, I’ve asked about switching. I’ve asked about moving back to Adderall and things like that, but, Melissa: It seems like you’re, like you’re kinda on an evening out. Brett: Yeah, I haven’t had a manic episode for a couple years now. Tracking Mood With Data Melissa: Do you track it? Do you– Like, have you ever seen those– I keep seeing these ads for it ’cause, you know, the algorithm feeds us the stuff for wearables that are, um, called– I think it’s called Visible, so it makes your symptoms more visible instead of invisible. Like, do you track it? Do you Have you nerded out on your own data? Brett: like my mania and depression? Melissa: Yeah, like do you track it and look at graphs or anything like that to Brett: See, I’ve never had to use an external tool because I can just look at GitHub contribution graphs, and I can look at [00:31:00] my RSS feed, and I can see exactly, like for a period of like eight years, I can pinpoint exactly where my manic episodes were, um, because that data is historically preserved out there on the internet for all to see. Um, it’s, yeah, it’s– Well, and that’s, like I built tools that gathered that, those various sources of data. Um, and then there was a, a tool called, um, I forget. Melissa: cool, though? Hmm. We’ll think Brett: But it could pull, it could pull in all that data. Um, Bell Beth Cooper, Hello Code, I can’t remember the name of the app. Melissa: Yeah, it’ll come to you eventually. Brett: sure. Uh, but it could pull in like your GitHub, uh, commits along with like what the weather was at the time, how many songs you listened to that Melissa: Oh, day one sorta does that, yeah. Brett: Does it now? Melissa: A little bit, yeah, your locations, [00:32:00] um, if you turn on some of those things. Like not– I don’t think it does the music and things like that, but Brett: I haven’t used it for a while. I haven’t used it for a Melissa: I was gonna switch to the journal app. I was actually really… I held off on upgrading to Tahoe for the longest time, but that one kept nagging at me ’cause I thought, oh, you know, maybe. I mean, as much as I love Day One, I, I thought about, I thought about actually switching over, but no. I tried it. I’m, I’m gonna stick with Day One. Brett: Cool. All right. Cane And Somatic Therapy Brett: Um, so did you have, did you have more to add to your Melissa: Oh, I was gonna, I was gonna add on to what you were talking about with the suspenders. I did start… I think you probably… Well, yeah, you commented on it. Um, I started using a cane, and that I have mixed feelings about that. Um, I should have brought it in here so I could show you. I’ll show you later, ’cause, uh, anyway, it’s, it’s purple. I did get a pimp cane. That’s what my husband calls it. I thought, damn it, if I’m gonna use, like, a cane, then it’s gonna be [00:33:00] purple, and I’m gonna like looking at it, as much as I hate to use it, so. So I’ve been trying to use it. I… What you were talking about with, uh, with finding a curious doctor, I do have new physical therapist, um, so I’m really happy about that. Same kind of thing where she’s super booked. I think that’s just how it is. Like, the really good ones, they’re good, and, you know, it shows because it’s, it’s hard to get in to see them. So yeah. So I’m, I’m looking forward to that. We’re gonna be doing… Have you heard of somatic therapy? Brett: Yeah. Melissa: Yeah. So ha- have you tried it? Do, do you like it? Okay. That’s, that’s what I’m embarking on. Brett: I actually have a friend who teaches classes in it. Melissa: Oh, Al probably knows about that. Brett: y- yeah, Melissa: Yeah, I’ll, I’ll Brett: and it is, it is amazing how hard just doing things, doing motions you’re used to, but doing them very slowly and intentionally. It is like you– Just like, Just like, doing y- like a clamshell where you drop your knee, you’re [00:34:00] on your back and you drop your knee down to the side and bring it back up. Like that motion, most of us, even infirmed people can do that okay. You try to take… You try to do that and take like five breaths in each direction, and you’ll start shaking. It’s very Melissa: Ah, uh-huh. Yep. Brett: Yeah, but it’s good. Like it’s g- it really retrains your muscles. It really, it strengthens, retrains, and helps with, uh, finer motor control. Melissa: Oh, that’s interesting. Yeah, I, I’m, I’m a little bit on the skeptical end of it, so that’s why I’m, I’m glad that, that you, you vouch for it too. It’s like I know that it works, but I just… I guess I wanna understand the science of it a little bit more. Like, for example, I’ve tried, uh, acupuncture, and I just didn’t feel like it did, did anything for me. I think you have to be, like, a believer, and I just Brett: think so. Melissa: I, I, I even did that on purpose knowing that I kinda felt like it wasn’t gonna work. I was like, well, what if I just go into this? ‘Cause, [00:35:00] ’cause I talk to people and they’re like, "Well, you have to believe in it." I’m like, but what if I don’t? I just don’t, you know? I’m, I see it Brett: it’s not medicine if you have to believe in it. Melissa: Yeah. I mean, I see it work for other people. I know there’s, you know, such a thing as placebos and things like that, and I don’t know, it’s, it’s woo-woo and I, I, I like woo-woo stuff. I, it just, it didn’t do anything for me, so… It’s not to say that it doesn’t work for other people, but it just did not work for me, and I, I kind of, I, maybe I just, uh, did that on purpose when I, I try- probably just tripped myself up going into it thinking, well, I just don’t believe it, so if it works, then there must be science behind it. And then, then, I’ll believe. But it didn’t work out, so. So the, I’m a little bit on the fence about the somatic thing, but the, the, the gal that I’m working with is just so, she has EDS herself, and like, like what you were saying, like, she, she knows all about it and she could even, you know, tell me the, the type that she has, and I was like, I met, I met, actually last week I met two zebras in one week. [00:36:00] You, you’re familiar with the, the zebra mascot? If you, uh, the saying goes, if you hear hooves, think horses. But we’re not horses, are we? Yeah, so Yeah, so that’s, that’s our, our Somatics For EDS Melissa: EDS Brett: somatic– somatics you don’t have to believe in for them to work. Melissa: Okay, that is Brett: it’s an actual physical therapy method that trains the finer muscles, um, that surround your larger muscles and, and strengthens those, and it– Yeah, it’s for real. It’s, yeah, it’s not like a… It’s soma- I think, Melissa: w- totally Brett: ’cause I I had the same reaction when someone said somatics, ’cause I think, “Oh, that’s some holistic idea of the body, um, of soma,” and it’s… No, it’s, it’s got legit physical therapy behind it. Melissa: And, Yoga Modifications Melissa: you used to do a lot of yoga too, so that probably makes Brett: I still do. Melissa: Yeah? That’s [00:37:00] wonderful. Brett: it’s gotten really hard. Um, I can’t, I can’t– So I get dizzy Melissa: Yeah. Brett: going from sitting to standing, um, and my back gives out if I am in, like, horse or warrior two for more than a couple minutes. Um, and I can’t do cobras because I have a belly like a nine-month pregnancy. Um, so I have to do, like, prenatal yoga, um, which is actually a thing. Melissa: that’s a good idea. I’m glad you brought that up. I should look Brett: a- and I do chair yoga, um, where I I take the class that everyone else takes, but I modify it to work with… Like, there, there are defined moves that you do with a chair instead of. Instead of doing down dog, you do, like, a 90-degree down dog holding the back of a chair. Um, and you put, like, a knee on the chair to do warrior two, so you’re actually [00:38:00] resting. And Um, and you can do it fully seated too and get at least the arm exercises out of it. So I’ve been trying to maintain, maintain flexibility and some endurance. I’m not doing yoga the way I used to do it, but I am still Melissa: I’ve seen some of your poses. It’s pretty impressive. Brett: Yeah, back in the day. Melissa: W- when you could be upside down. Polycystic Liver Shock Melissa: I should look into that because I, you know, although I’m done having babies, like far done having babies, I have… You probably know about this too, I have polycystic liver disease, which is a really rare type of liver disease, and it’s not fatty liver. Oh my God, I have to keep telling doctors that. That’s the other thing. It’s like, it is not fatty liver. It is not. It- they’re cysts. It’s a totally different thing. I’m basically full of bubbles. So I… But it feels like that’s why I went in to get it. I didn’t actually get that checked. I found it accidentally when I went in for an heart, for a heart CT. That’s when they found it, and for a, a breast MRI, so [00:39:00] both those, those types of scans caught it. The other parts were fine, so my heart’s fine, so that’s a relief. But yeah, so this was a bit of a shock. And so I don’t know exactly what it means moving forward, um, but my entire liver is, like, engulfed in cysts, so. Right? But my blood work is, is fantastic right now, so I’m just gonna keep Brett: That’s good. Melissa: hoping it stays that way. Brett: That’s something. Fatphobia In Healthcare Brett: Um, I I have heard for a long time about, um, doctors being fatphobic and, and always assuming that, um, always assuming that your health i-issue is because you’re fat and not even looking for underlying issues, which has been an interesting experience for me because that really never happened to me. Melissa: Mm. Brett: Um, at least not once I switched to Gundersen from, like, a local clinic. Then I realized that it’s not just being fat that gets you [00:40:00] stigmatized, it’s being a fat woman. Melissa: Mm, I was gonna say try having a uterus and being Brett: yeah. Yeah. Um, like I talked to one of my best friends, April, who he’s, has been on Melissa: by, women doctors. Brett: Yeah. Yeah. And that’s, that’s what April tells me. She tells me all these horror stories. Even after finding care she trusted, she still has to deal with people saying, “Well, if you just lost some weight.” Like, she’s been fat her whole life. She’s in better shape than most skinny people Melissa: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Brett: I mean, she does sit-ups with 50-pound plates and does, like, five, 10 miles at a time on her, like, on her bike and, like, she’s in great shape and still has to walk with the ski poles, and she’s getting her second knee replaced this week. And, like, it, it’s just infuriating to hear the way that doctors dismiss Melissa: You know what the problem is, Brett? Brett: goes through [00:41:00] when Pole Dancing Reality Check Melissa: Not enough doctors have watched fat pole dancers. That is the problem right there. They need more education. Brett: Um, yeah. There’s, there are a couple of, um, queer burlesque shows Melissa: shows, yes. Brett: in my area that almost always include a plus-size pole dance, and it is amazing to Melissa: Oh, it’s mesmerizing. It should be an Olympic sport. Remind me to send you the, the link to, unless you’ve already seen it, have you seen the Deadpool pole dancer? Brett: No, I don’t think Melissa: you are in for a treat. We might just have to put that in the show notes, but I don’t know, I don’t know if your listeners are that, are into that It’s fully clothed, but it’s, there’s even blue Crocs involved. Brett: So this is nobody that you’re seeing on the Melissa: I wondered, yep. I wondered, yeah. Aw, he looks so soft. Mm. Mechanical Keyboard ASMR Brett: So you’ve [00:42:00] gotten really into mechanical keyboards. Melissa: have, I have. In fact, uh, I was gonna, I was gonna see how this might sound, but I, I brought my little box of key caps to show you so that I could say, welcome to my ASMR channel. Brett: That would… is is that a thing? I bet there are ASMR, like, key switch testing. Melissa: yeah, yeah. I’ve run across a couple of videos where, you know, they’ll have a hashtag ASMR in there, and that’s, that’s what it is. Do you experience ASMR yourself? Brett: No. Melissa: No? So when you listen to those videos you don’t get like the s- the tickling of the spine and stuff? Brett: No. Melissa: I do. It actually, it goes, it… I forget. I always forget what the acronym stands for, but it, you know, has something to do with the meridian. So if you can i- imagine your brain like split in half, and I feel it right on this side. It goes, it goes like the, down the back of my head, behind my ear, and down into my shoulder. It [00:43:00] is the funkiest feeling, and I love it. I love it so much. Even when we were talking about animals in the, in the beginning and I even had a cat that would come and just like kind of lick my ear and, oh, I just, I love that. Most people cannot stand that sound. They have the opposite condition where they can’t handle somebody chewing gum. My grandfather had that. Um, some, some kinda, it ends in a tonia. Misatonia or something like that, um, where… I don’t know. Do you have any of those like sound sensory issues? I have a lot of Brett: really don’t. I’m very, I’m very, like, sound Like, I like loud, heavy music. Like, that does something for my psyche. Um, but general sounds, they neither bo-bother me nor stimulate me. Melissa: imagine what that’s like. I just can’t. I’m So bothered, and my kids too, and you know, ugh, God, Brett: So El Melissa: has been problematic. Brett: El is, El is, definitely sensitive to sound, um, in a way that Like, even my [00:44:00] mechanical keyboards can’t be, can’t be on the same floor of the house as Elle. We pretty much live in silence, and that’s fine for me most of the time because, like, it just doesn’t affect me either way. So, like, keeping things quiet is easy, and I focus well in silence. And then when Elle’s gone, I blast my music, and w- when I’m in the car, I blast my music, and then the rest of the time I live in the quiet place. Melissa: Mm-hmm. In The Quiet Place. Brett: Yeah. Melissa: Yeah, we have- something a little similar, but m- my husband and I have, uh… We have our his and hers kind of setup here in, in the, in our den, in our inner study. So he’s got his side and I’ve got my side. So we’re together, and he does a lot of grading papers, and he’s really good about putting his, his earbuds in and just tuning the whole world out. He’s… It’s fascinating to watch that man just [00:45:00] execute. I mean, I just am so envious of people who can just execute. But the, the, the, yeah, the sensory, it’s all about the sensory stuff for me when it comes to keyboards. I actually thought about… I don’t know how popular it would be, but I also thought about making a podcast, a video podcast, that would highlight the intersection of nail art and mechanical keyboards. Because I’ll tell you, that’s actually what… I’ve always loved mechanical keyboards, but yeah, the, the one that I had, someone had given me a, a Matias, and oh, it’s, it’s so loud, but it’s like high-pitched. It’s kinda sharp. And it was even kind of annoying to me after a while. And then it does not, it’s not a mechanical keyboard in that you can’t pull the switches out, so you’re kinda stuck with what you got. Like, you might be able to change the key caps if you could find them, but couldn’t change the switches. And something happened to the S key, and I was like, “All right, it’s over,” so. But I can’t get rid of them either, so one of these days I wanna have like a display of, of keyboards. [00:46:00] Nail Art And Picking Melissa: But what got me, what got me into saying, “Okay, I’m finally, I’m just gonna invest in a keyboard because it’s ergonomically important to me,” is I have… And I can’t pronounce it, so I’m not even gonna try, but there’s a condition, and it’s a self-diagnosed thing. But I, I am a picker. I pick my skin a lot. Um, I think it’s called derma something Anyway, so I wasn’t gonna try to pronounce it. But, uh, I’ve always had that condition since I was a kid. I didn’t even know it was a thing. I just thought everybody get, uh, picks. But then during the pande- during the pandemic, it got super bad. Like, I had, I had, um, some panic attacks and, you know, as a lot of probab- people probably did. But it got so bad to the point where I had picked my fingers and they were bleeding and they were throbbing and they were hurting. And I said to one of my kids, I said to my youngest, I said, “Can you just, like, if I, if I’m picking, can you just let me know?” And then I regretted doing that because then he took it on as this, like, full-time job, you know? And it kinda [00:47:00] gave him anxiety, and I thought, “Oh, okay, that, that was a bad thing to do.” So I s- I let him off the hook. I said, “No, you don’t have to tell me anymore.” Um, because, yeah, ev- even if I went to, like, just kinda, like, clean under my nail or something. So it was actually causing a real problem for the family that I was just picking so much. And it’s not just my fingers, it’s, like, other parts of my body. So I thought to myself, “Well, what can I do about this?” And so I started putting fake nail tips on. And I hate to be all, like… I don’t know, I’m not, I try not to be, like, a very vain person, but I really started kinda falling into the nail art side of things, and I, I just recently learned how to do gel and work with, um, uh, what’s it called? Uh, not resin. So I… Oh, that’s another ASMR thing. Do you like to watch resin pours? Brett: I do, actually, yes. Melissa: that’s… Okay, so if you like resin pours, if you like to watch the viscosity and the way the, the chemicals, like, form together and when they, when they mix colors in and stuff, [00:48:00] that’s what it’s like with nail art but on more of, like, a macro level because it’s, you know, you’re working with small stuff. Like, just, just recently I learned how to do… So I’m showing Brett this on, on camera, but I recently learned how to do the kind of nail polish that you take a magnet and you run the magnet along it, and it makes this, like, a cat’s eye. Brett: Yeah, that’s cool. Melissa: I love it. So, so that, so combining nail art then, and I thought, “Well, now I’ve got these long nails,” but all of my keyboards have been these flat, really low-profile keyboards. And, you know, I just, I started to dread it. So then I was kinda caught between a crossroads. Like, either I leave nails off and I can type really, really fast and have high accuracy with no nails, but then as soon as, as soon as I get, like, a little snag or something, then I start picking and then it’s just, it’s all over then. Or I try to find a way to work with these nails. So that’s what I started thinking, “Well, maybe if I had higher keys.” And so then I just, yeah, rabbit hole. [00:49:00] Went down the rabbit hole, and I’ve, I’ve just kinda been there ever since. And, uh, it really, I think, uh… Let’s see. How long ago did this start? It’s only been about maybe like six months or something like that, so. Keyboard Layout Rabbit Hole Melissa: But in that time so I’ve started, um, building a collection of switches. So I’ve been really interested in both the key caps and the switches. Um, I’ve got my baseboards. I like my Royal Kludge the best. This is… I’m gonna show Brett my Royal Kludge. So, so this is what it’s looking like right now. Brett: Yeah. Melissa: It is very purpley. Um, I did post some pictures. I can… I don’t know if you do pictures in show notes, but I could take some pictures for you It’s got a knob. It’s got, um… Let me see if I can do it real Brett: Do you use the knob. I have a couple keyboards with knobs and even a joystick, and I never actually use them Melissa: Good question. Um, I, I use it, I try to use it for volume at [00:50:00] times, and that’s probably what I use it for the most. But this one does have a… Let’s see if I can get this into focus here, backwards and upside down. It’s gonna be upside down, but you see how you can put, you can put your logo Brett: Oh, yeah. Nice. Melissa: got my The Mac Mommy little logo on there. Otherwise, it gives you the time in military format, so that’s kind of handy to have. Um, but yeah, it’s… To be honest, I, I love the, I love this Royal Kludge because it’s nice and heavy, and I love the form factor. It’s got a number pad, um, because I’m, because I am a grown-ass adult and I need a number pad. Um, but it’s nice and heavy. It doesn’t, it doesn’t move around my desk a lot. I kind of have to type, like, kind of crooked, ’cause that’s just the way my neck goes to the wrong way and stuff like that. So I like being able to fit it on my desk. I have a, I had a larger one made by Red, uh, what is it? Redragon. This is the one that I started [00:51:00] out with. Gonna make lots of noise here. But as you can see, this one is way bigger. And it was, as much as I liked it, I mean, I fell in love with it, but what was happening was my accuracy was, like, really thrown off because I fe- I kept feeling like it just needs to be, like, a couple centimeters to the right or a couple centimeters to the left. It just wasn’t centered very well. So this one, my husband gets all the hand-me-downs, so that one went over onto his desk. Uh, and then I also have a baby keyboard here, and this is another Redragon. This is my little mini one. Brett: that’s, that’s the kind of keyboard I mostly use, like a 70% keyboard. Melissa: Yeah, I think this one’s even 60. Um… Brett: My– The one I’m using right now is, uh, 60. There’s no, there’s no function row, there’s no arrow, there’s no keypad or, like, arrow pad. Um, Melissa: No [00:52:00] arrows? How do you live without arrows? Oh, do you, you mapped your keys to something Brett: so it looks like this, Melissa: nice. I love the Brett: that the, the space bar is split in two. Yeah, my, my, my partner says it looks like, uh, gay ’80s. It’s all pink and blue and purple. Um, but the, the space bar is split, and the right half of mine functions as something called a mod key, and when I hold that down, then my I, J, K, and L keys become arrow keys. Melissa: Oh, wow. Brett: once you get used to it, you never have to take your hand off the home row. Melissa: Oh my God, that must be amazing. Brett: It– Yeah, once you get used to it, it, it’s so… Like, g- moving to a keyboard that doesn’t have that is kind of tortuous. On my MacBook Pro, I have remapped it using Karabiner so that Melissa: [00:53:00] That’s what I’m using. Brett: if I hold, the semicolon down with my pinky, then H-I-J-K-L become, Melissa: Oh, nice. Brett: become arrow keys, so I still don’t have to move my hand all the way down and to the right. Like, that’s such a inefficient movement that then I have to, like… Because I don’t have great feeling in my fingers, so finding, on a low-profile keyboard, finding the, the homing buttons again Melissa: Oh, do you use the humming buttons? See, that’s the thing, I was never taught that. I mean, I took like a ty- I took like a typewriting class back in high school, and I just didn’t like it. I, I just taught myself. I just… I’m an autodidact that way, so I just taught myself. Brett: my dad, back in 1984, we had a typing program on our PCjr, and I Melissa: It wasn’t Mavis Beacon, was it? Brett: remember. I don’t remember. All I know is, like, It taught you touch typing, and it would give you [00:54:00] these lessons, and you would basically just mirror what was on screen. And at the age of seven, I was typing at about 68 words per minute on an, on an old IBM PCjr keyboard. Um, got a lot faster through high school and everything. But yeah, I was, I was, from day one, I was raised to be a touch typist, and, and I took all the classes they had in school. Melissa: But you still touch Brett: labs. Yeah. Melissa: Uh-huh, yeah. So you don’t do the home rows. Brett: No, that is touch Melissa: Oh, touch typing, so you do feel… for the bumps. Brett: Yeah, I feel for the bumps, and then I just, like, my f- my key, my fingers never really leave the Melissa: Oh, yeah. See, I wish I could do Brett: centered home row. Yeah. It’s, it, it’s good. Um, Melissa: And you’re using the split, so my gosh. Brett: What– You get used to that too. Um, like, [00:55:00] I can’t do it with the split far apart. I’ve seen people use, like, splits, like, way out to the sides, and I can’t, my, my brain doesn’t do that. Like, my hands have to be within, like, six inches of each other. Melissa: I always thought, it would be so cool to have something where you could have it, like, raised up like this, right? And use your hands sideways. Brett: Yeah. Well, that’s I mean, that’s essentially, I have, on the bottom of this keyboard, I have these risers. Melissa: Oh, uh-huh. Oh, Brett: So it sits, right now I have it at about a 45-degree tent, tent, tent. Um, but it can go up to more like an 80-degree tent, where you’re actually Melissa: Wow. Brett: uh, almost like you’re clapping, you’re typing. Um, I don’t Melissa: of that. I have a, a, handshake mouse. Brett: Vertical mouse. Melissa: You like… Is that what you have for a mouse too? Brett: no, I, I love Melissa: Trackballs. Oh, trackpads. Oh, okay. Brett: Apple’s Magic Trackpad changed my life. I’ve never used– I’ve never gone back to a [00:56:00] mouse since the first Magic Trackpad came out. Melissa: So you’re all about the gestures then? Brett: yeah, Melissa: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That’s great. Brett: Bet- bet- better touch tool for the win. Melissa: You know what it is for me, is because of the type of work that I do, and this is very much true for both of us, you do these things because of the type of work that you do. The type of work that I do, I’m in everybody’s homes, so I have to ty- I have to be able to type and use their mouse and, I mean, it’s actually a very dirty job. So I keep hand wipes with me everywhere. Um, that, that was why during the pandemic I was like, “I am not coming to your house and I am not touching the stuff that you just picked your nose and…” Yeah, mm-mm. But, so, so i- it’s been kind of keeping me almost like a purist in a way as far as keyboards have gone all these years. I, I finally just kind of let go and embraced this recently, th- which is why I’m so excited and why I’m just kind of nerding out on it, because when, when I worked [00:57:00] in, like, I’ll call it the industry, um, I got my f- my start in prepress. So I worked in prepress, I was a typesetter, and we had… That’s what I kind of miss. We had the old clunky beige keyboards, and I had my muscle memory such that I think my o- my Option key would have, like, the indentation of my nail on it. You know? ‘Cause I had, just like you have, keys that are programmed. I could… I was a Quark queen. I don’t know if you’re familiar with QuarkXPress? Brett: Oh, yeah. Yeah. I was a graphic designer. I I know Quark. Melissa: Yeah, I loved it. I was… And, and I used it back in the OS 9 days, OS 7 really, is when I started out. Uh, I did not like the OS X vers- OS 10 version of Quark. Did not like it at all. Brett: No, but that’s Melissa: it was slow. Brett: Adobe came out with, what was, what was Adobe’s… InDesign. Yeah. By the time I had started, by the time I had started my own ad agency, we were all InDesign. Melissa: Oh, [00:58:00] nice. Okay. I mean, it was a Brett: and none of the, none of the print shops expected Quark files Melissa: Yeah. Oh, it was so expensive. I remember I had to buy it when I was in college, and I remember it cost, like, $800. I’m probably still paying for that, damn it, in interest. Yeah, so that, that’s how I got my start originally, and that’s how I was doing… I, I went to… So I have, I have a Bachelor of Fine Arts. I went to college in order to be a designer. I wanted to be a designer designer, and that’s what I, what I thought I was good at and thought that I liked doing, ’cause, you know, “Oh, you’re a girl. Go to art school. You like to draw.” You know? I’m always bitter about that because I really wish that I would’ve been able to go… I mean, this was, you know… I’m, I’m 51, so this was back in the day where girls, girls don’t do computers and girls don’t do coding. G- girls don’t do computer science. They didn’t even call it computer science. They didn’t even call it graphic design back then. It was commercial art. Um, so I studied that and, you know, I liked it ’cause I thought, “Well, this is what I could, I could take my art and make [00:59:00] a living into it.” And then fast-forward, um, I just started to fall in love with the technical troubleshooting side of things. So as, as good as I was at the technical typesetting and the technical, like, putting prepress things together, you know, um, uh, key sheets and s- you know, things like that. Do you remember, was there, uh, did you ever use a program called Quick Keys? That was one of the ones Brett: familiar. Melissa: you could map your own keys to things. So w- when I was in prepress and doing typesetting, I used that program and I, I mapped all my keys, and I had all these quick keys and stuff so I could go really, really fast, you know? So when they wanted something done fast, they gave it to me, and I could just fly through documents with this. But then as people learned that I was good at this kind of stuff and troubleshooting, they’re like, “Oh, hey, Roger needs, you know, has a problem. Can you go help him?” So I’d go over to his cubicle, I sit down, and he’s got nothing. You know, he’s got [01:00:00] no quick keys, no nothing, and you just kinda get lost because your muscle memory just adapts to it. And I couldn’t help people the way… And, and that was what it was about for me. I really liked more helping people and troubleshooting and the technology side of things than the actual design process. So I kind of went to the other side with it. And so I just kind of, like, vowed that, okay, I’m not gonna do any kind of, like, customization on my own workstation because then I’ll, my, my muscle memory will map to it, and then when I go to sit down to help somebody else, I won’t… You know, I’ll be so much in my own world that I won’t be able to help them. And so I just kind of, like, remained a, a pu

Another incredible classmate of Dr. Joe's, author and educator Morgan Baker, joins him to explore how divorce, parenting, empty nesting, and personal reinvention shape our sense of identity, attachment, and joy throughout life's many transitions! Get your copy of Emptying the Nest: Getting Better at Goodbyes!

For the next 3 Sundays, we explore the Apostle Paul's correspondence with the church at Philippi. This Sunday, we receive the stunning declaration that God “empties” Godself… and expects you to do the same. What could that possibly mean? Rev. Lewicki, preaching.

In today's bucket‑emptying episode, I explore what it really means to live with parental guilt - that ever‑present tug that arrives the moment we become parents and never fully disappears.I talk about why guilt isn't a sign that you're failing, but a natural by‑product of caring deeply across multiple roles: parent, professional, partner, friend, adult child.Instead of treating guilt as a performance metric, I walk you through how to reframe it, define what “good enough” looks like, and create small proof‑points that remind you you're showing up where it matters. I also unpack why work‑life balance is a myth, how to be fully present where you are, and how to avoid the comparison traps that intensify guilt.By the end of this episode, you will have a kinder, more grounded way to navigate the emotional weight of parenting, and a handy blueprint you can return to whenever guilt tries to take over. So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:44 - Parental guilt happens all the time02:51 - Guilt is not a reliable metric05:28 - You can't be in two places at once09:43 - Replace balance with presence12:39 - Build small proof moments15:55 - The uncomfortable truth

Paul is going solo and empties his notebook on the Texas Spring game (err, event). Have a listen and find out what he thinks about the various position groups, the transfers, and some young up and comers. Join us in convo, join us at Inside Texas, and support our excellent sponsors. The time is now for your new mortgage or refi with Gabe Winslow at 832-557-1095 or MortgagesbyGabe. Then get your financial life in order with advisor David McClellan 312-933-8823 with a free consult: dmcclellan@forumfinancial.com. Read his retirement tax bomb series at Kiplinger! https://www.kiplinger.com/retirement/retirement-planning/605109/is-your-retirement-portfolio-a-tax-bomb Need a great CenTex realtor? Contact Laura Baker at 512-784-0505 or laura@andyallenteam.com. 

In this episode, I will explain the viral “Where's Jessica?” distraction trend and discover whether it truly helps your child manage big emotions.I am going to show you why distraction can work in the moment - the novelty, the shift in attention, and the calm, curious tone that naturally regulates your child's nervous system, and you'll see why relying on distraction long‑term can backfire, teaching your child to avoid uncomfortable feelings rather than build emotional resilience.I want you to come away from today's bucket emptying episode understanding the difference between a quick win and a meaningful skill, and feel clearer about when distraction is appropriate… and when it prevents your child from developing the confidence and coping strategies they genuinely need.If you've ever wondered whether you're helping or accidentally hindering your child's emotional growth, this episode gives you the clarity, compassion, and practical insight you've been looking for.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Highlights from this episode:00:38 - Where's Jessica?03:15 - Emotional cues06:48 - The novelty factor09:44 - Trading emotions12:36 - A friction free world

Ep. 231 (Part 2 of 2) | In Part 2 of Deep Transformation's third dialogue in the Path of Love Series with A. H. Almaas, Hameed Ali relates what happens on the path of return, after we have experienced dissolving into the radiance of the absolute. In following the path of heart (as opposed to the path of mind), we discover that in addition to pure emptiness, the absolute has (in its beingness aspect) a quality of consciousness that is pure intimacy. “The beloved is intimate with all things in the universe: intimate with people, with the rocks, with the stars… because its nature pervades everything.” Upon returning to the world, we find the universe has become the radiance of the beloved and ordinary life becomes full of love. That said, we may experience a great fear of losing our awakened realization, Hameed adds, which can further stir up old woundings which still need to be faced.Back in the world, as the embodied beloved, do you feel compassion for other people's suffering? co-host John Dupuy wonders. The extent of the compassion is almost unimaginable, Hameed answers. There is vast empathy for all the suffering in the world, and especially for the deep suffering underlying it all that is caused by people not knowing their inner truth. It is by giving the beloved the opportunity to appear and know itself as we live our lives that we love and serve the inner beloved, Hameed continues. He explains that awareness is the beloved witnessing its creation, and that the emptiness aspect of the beloved, emphasized in Buddhism and on the path of mind, brings a searing clarity to our experience. A beautiful conversation, in which co-host Roger Walsh remarks that the presence of the inner beloved seems to be increasingly reflected in these dialogues as they unfold. Perhaps you will feel it too. Recorded January 29, 2026. “Regardless of what we think and feel, at our essence we are love.”​Topics & Time Stamps – Part 2The path of return: the fear of losing the beloved (00:34)Old wounds come up bringing more fear; you have to welcome all the wounding (01:24)Upon return, ordinary life becomes full of love—can this be translated into a scientific or mathematical theory? (02:26)Service is giving the inner beloved the opportunity to appear & know itself (04:47)The depth of compassion felt for the suffering of the world is almost unimaginable (06:50)If you don't work things out, you can't live in this world as the deity (10:47)The beloved is intimate with all things in the universe because its nature pervades everything (11:49)The primal cavity: the deep wish to go into dark, black emptiness (15:39)What is the relation between love and compassion? (19:36)The heart is just there for the beloved—the throne of the beloved (22:15)The more hatred and aggression, the more the disconnection (25:05)Witnessing: awareness is the beloved witnessing its creation (26:48)Realizing the emptiness: the radiance of the darkness is the essence of awareness (28:07)The feeling tone of these dialogues increasingly reflects the presence of the inner beloved (29:50)There is a lot more in the book The Inner Beloved, including conversations with Hameed's students & exercises, that hasn't been discussed (31:07)At our essence we are love: moving towards heart is the inherent potential of humanity (32:23)Resources & References – Part 2A. H. Almaas, The Inner Beloved: The Heart's Journey to Divine UnityPrevious Deep Transformation Path of Love dialogues: Entering the Path of Heart, Emptying the Heart of All that Obscures the Inner Beloved & Dissolving into BlissRamakrishna, Hindu mystic“I was a hidden treasure and wanted to be known” is the beginning of probably the most famous hadith qudsi or extra-Qur'anic Word of GodLongchenpa: A Guide For Readers (Shambhala)Deep Transformation's Path of Love Series with A. H. AlmaasDeep Transformation's Path of Love Series with A. H. Almaas begins with an overview of Hameed Ali's Love Trilogy — Love Unveiled, Nondual Love, and The Inner Beloved — to orient us on the spiritual path of love unique to Hameed Ali and the Diamond Approach, then delves into the profound and deeply touching topics Hameed addresses in his most recent book, The Inner Beloved, published in February 2026. Listeners may want to get a copy of this book, to study and follow along on this extraordinary path of awakening. Also, if you are interested in taking a course on The Inner Beloved in the fall of 2026, you can register your interest here: https://da.pages.ontraport.net/inner-beloved-interest.Special Diamond Approach Course Discount for Deep Transformation ListenersIf you are interested in taking a course offered by Diamond Approach Online, Hameed's team at the Ridhwan School have offered a special 20% discount for Deep Transformation listeners. You can access the Course Catalog here: https://online.diamondapproach.org/catalog/. And enter the code DTP20 to receive your discount when you sign up.---Hameed Ali (A. H. Almaas) was born in Kuwait in 1944. At the age of eighteen, he moved to the U.S. to study at the University of California in Berkeley. Hameed was working on his Ph.D. in physics when he reached a turning point in his life and destiny that led him to inquire into the psychological and spiritual aspects of human nature rather than the physical nature of the universe. He left the academic world to pursue an in-depth journey of inner discovery, applying his scientific precision and discipline to personal, experiential research. This included study with different teachers in different modalities, extensive reading, and continuous study of his own consciousness in an effort to understand the essential nature of human experience and reality in general.Hameed's process of exploration led to the creation of the Ridhwan School and, with his colleague Karen Johnson, resulted in the founding and unfoldment of the Diamond Approach. He is the author of 20 books, including Nondual Love: Awakening to the Loving Nature of Reality, Love Unveiled: Discovering the Essence of the Awakened Heart, Keys to the Enneagram: How to Unlock the Highest Potential of Every Personality Type, The Unfolding Now: Realizing Your True Nature through the Practice of Presence, and more.---Podcast produced by Vanessa Santos and Show Notes by Heidi Mitchell

We still have more leftover audio from Coachella, including The Strokes frontman and the Baltimore Orioles TV announcers. Plus, KT tries to ruin Tame Impala for everybody. 

ITB's Eagles beat reporter Andrew DiCecco gives his insights from covering the Eagles on a daily basis.In this episode, he empties his notebook and gives all his thoughts on the Eagles and NFL Draft ahead of Thursday night's first round.► Subscribe to our Patreon Channel for exclusive information not seen or heard anywhere else and become among smartest Birds fans out there (just ask our members!!) + get all of our shows commercial free and a lot more!!:https://www.patreon.com/insidethebirds►Support our sponsors!!► Camden Apothecary: https://camdenapothecary.com/Follow the Hosts!► Follow our Podcast on Twitter: https://twitter.com/InsideBirds► Follow Geoff Mosher on Twitter: https://twitter.com/geoffpmosher► Follow Adam Caplan on Twitter: https://twitter.com/caplannflNFL insider veterans take an in-depth look that no other show can offer! Be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with the latest news, rumors, and discussions.► Sign up for our newsletter! • Visit http://eepurl.com/hZU4_n.

In today's bucket-emptying episode, you'll learn the three essential foundations your child needs before confidence can grow.If you've got a child who avoids challenges, gets overwhelmed easily, or insists they're “rubbish” at everything, this is where you start. In this episode you'll discoverhow to explain the mind–body connection in a way your child can actually understand,why their brain often misreads situations as danger, andhow this shapes their confidence.You'll also learn why breathing techniques aren't just “calming tools” but a physiological reset your child needs before they can face anything tricky.Finally, you'll explore how to build an exposure ladder - a simple, structured way to help your child take small, doable steps outside their comfort zone.By the end of this episode, you'll know exactly how to lay the groundwork so your child feels capable, prepared, and ready to try.So pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and enjoy the conversation…Mentioned in this episode:Boost Your Child's Confidence in 10 Days: https://drmaryhan.com/episode/boost-your-childs-confidence-in-10-days/ 30 Second Reset: https://drmaryhan.com/episode/bucket-emptying-30-second-reset/ Highlights from this episode:01:24 - It's all about experience03:31 - The connection between mind and body08:01 - Selective hearing11:41 - The invisible gorilla13:27 - Breathing techniques19:10 - Get the foundations right

Ep. 230 (Part 1 of 2) | The third dialogue in the Path of Love Series with A. H. Almaas opens with co-host Roger Walsh commenting that in reading Hameed's most recent book, The Inner Beloved, he is struck by how different the Diamond Approach's path of love is from those in other traditions. Hameed explains that, indeed, his path is different in that it addresses the sequence of events on the path of love systematically, using contemporary psychological language to describe the difficulties and barriers that arise, and further, that he includes not only obstacles that come up in the mind (concepts and beliefs), but emotional pain and woundings, abandonments and betrayals, which is something other traditions don't often talk about. Why are our hearts not open? Because opening to such painful emotions is scary; our fear blocks us from opening to the vastness of divine love. The secret to moving forward on the path of love, Hameed says, is to love more intensely, more deeply. Love itself is the fuel that gets us through the obstacles to union with the inner beloved.Hameed speaks of the “death wish” that happens along the path, referring to our desire to dissolve completely into the beloved. “The deep heart loves the prospect of melting away and being nothing, being annihilated, completely absorbed into the beloved,” he explains. The death wish is a common reference in other paths of love, too—the Buddha calls this annihilation of self “emptiness”—and interestingly, Freud recognized it as a universal human characteristic, calling it the nirvana principle. “A deep intuition resides in every human heart,” Hameed continues, “a need for unification with what we love.” This can be small things—chocolate ice cream, our cell phone—which are legitimate objects of love, but in the end, only the inner beloved calls. Once again, Hameed gifts us with an illuminating teaching about the path of love, our desire for nonbeing, the hidden essence of love, and the integration of all we have let go of that happens after we awaken—all coming directly from his own lived experience. Recorded January 29, 2026.“It is inherent to the human being… the movement to dissolve into bliss, into the beloved.”Topics & Time Stamps – Part 1Introducing the 3rd dialogue in the Path of Love Series with A. H. Almaas, where we continue to explore Hameed's latest book, The Inner Beloved (00:41)How Hameed's path of love differs from other traditions (02:03)One difference is Hameed addresses the sequence of events on the path of love systematically, using psychological language to describe the difficulties & barriers that arise (05:27)On this path, obstacles are not just in the mind but include woundings that occur in relationships (08:09)After union with the beloved comes integration; here is where the nondual connection between the beloved and the world comes in (09:52)The state of desirelessness (10:36)The death wish: the yearning to be completely absorbed into the beloved (11:58)Freud called this deep, universal death wish in humans the nirvana principle (13:53)Buddha called this annihilation of self “emptiness” (18:28)The secret to moving the process along is to intensify our love (20:26)A deep intuition resides in every human heart: a need for unification with what you love (22:46)There is a kind of love where the yearning and wanting is just as ecstatic as loving itself—this is the hidden essence of love (26:45)Why are some called to the path of love yet others keep grasping for more substitute gratification? (28:50)There are 4 paths of yoga but the end is the same; the 4 suits of the tarot tell the stages of each yoga path (30:27)Coming out of the divine “coma,” the whole world is ablaze with love (33:02)The descent is not a loss of the realization, it is a further integration of what we have let go of (35:10)Resources & References – Part 1A. H. Almaas, The Inner Beloved: The Heart's Journey to Divine UnityPrevious Deep Transformation Path of Love dialogues: Entering the Path of Heart & Emptying the Heart of All that Obscures the Inner BelovedPlato's SymposiumFreud's nirvana principle was introduced in Beyond the Pleasure PrincipleHis Holiness the Dalai Lama & Thubten Chodron speak about the absence of inherent existence in Searching for the SelfKen Wilber's core text on substitute gratification is in The Atman Project: A Transpersonal View of Human DevelopmentThe 4 paths of yoga: Karma, Bhakti, Raja and Jnana (Yoga Easy)Mystical Origins of the Tarot by Paul HusonSt. John of the Cross writes about ascent in Ascent of Mount Carmel and descent in The Dark Night of the Soul---Deep Transformation's Path of Love Series with A. H. AlmaasDeep Transformation's Path of Love Series with A. H. Almaas begins with an overview of Hameed Ali's Love Trilogy — Love Unveiled, Nondual Love, and The Inner Beloved — to orient us on the spiritual path of love unique to Hameed Ali and the Diamond Approach, then delves into the profound and deeply touching topics Hameed addresses in his most recent book, The Inner Beloved, published in February 2026. Listeners may want to get a copy of this book, to study and follow along on this extraordinary path of awakening. Also, if you are interested in taking a course on The Inner Beloved in the fall of 2026, you can register your interest here: https://da.pages.ontraport.net/inner-beloved-interest.---Special Diamond Approach Course Discount for Deep Transformation ListenersIf you are interested in taking a course offered by Diamond Approach Online, Hameed's team at the Ridhwan School have offered a special 20% discount for Deep Transformation listeners. You can access the Course Catalog here: https://online.diamondapproach.org/catalog/. And enter the code DTP20 to receive your discount when you sign...

(Insight Meditation Society - Forest Refuge) A progressive release into emptiness, and a return through the four brahmaviharās

(Insight Meditation Society - Forest Refuge) A progressive release into emptiness, and a return through the four brahmaviharās

Noah talks about us "emptying our hands" of the things that have been hindering us, occupying our thoughts, and distracting us from God.

Hungry students are emptying foodbanks within days as rising prices make it harder for them to make ends meet. Speaking at the launch of a new study, student leaders say that hardship has increased markedly across several universities in the past five years. They say international students are finding it especially hard. Education correspondent John Gerritsen reports.

Ep. 226 (Part 1 of 2) | In Part 1 of Deep Transformation's second Path of Love Series dialogue with A. H. Almaas, we learn what a spiritual journey on the path of love entails: particularly, emptying our heart so it can discover the deepest inner truth, the inner beloved. “Most of the path of love has to do with emptying the heart with love and yearning combined to burn through all the idols which stand for the inner beloved,” Hameed says. “The heart knows it loves something deeper than itself… and it pains it that it is separate from it.” There are other paths of awakening, for example, the Buddhist way is largely the path of mind, but for Hameed it was the path of heart that took center stage and revealed its secrets. The path of love is not methodical or intentional—it just happens, Hameed continues. The beloved works on the heart, works on the soul, and throws itself nearer—and it's in this nearness that you encounter all the obstacles that keep you from uniting with the beloved. Longtime practitioner, co-host Roger Walsh mentions that the exercises included in Hameed's latest book, The Inner Beloved, intended to help us remove our blocks to perceiving the inner beloved, have worked a treat for him, opening him up in a new way to where his practice feels more flowing and easeful than before. “Love is sorely needed these days on earth,” Hameed concludes, “as our hearts are full of garbage—wounding, hatred, envy. But there is an organ in the soul—the heart—which has its own dynamic: yearning, love, intensity, and passion that penetrate the barriers and dissolve them.” Another deeply moving and illuminating conversation with co-founder of the Diamond Approach, Hameed Ali. Recorded January 8, 2026.“Love is a much bigger force for a human being than any other thing.”Topics & Time Stamps – Part 1Introducing the 2nd dialogue in the Path of Love Series, focusing on A. H. Almaas' latest book: The Inner Beloved (00:40)Most of this path towards discovering our inner nature has to do with emptying the heart (02:48)There are other paths of awakening, but for Hameed the path of love took center stage (06:53)Getting a taste of the inner beloved early on can become the seed of our inner longing (08:41)Can we have a second person relationship with the inner beloved? (09:55)The path of love has to do with yearning and with feeling “nearer”—some traditions even have words for different degrees of nearness (11:16)Even after realizing absolute truth, the heart continues to need emptying; we haven't yet recognized the inner beloved (14:47)The path of love isn't for everybody; for Buddhists, it's the path of the mind (18:04)In Hameed's book, there are powerful exercises to remove blocks to perceiving the inner beloved—these worked a treat for Roger (19:07)The heart is a subtle organ of the soul with its own dynamic: yearning, love, intensity & passion that penetrate the barriers and dissolve them (22:34)The suffering people go through is inevitable without pursuing the spiritual path to its final stages (25:21)Great fears come up: of losing our love for our loved ones & our love for the world (29:26) We encounter our deep woundings on the path of love; it's not an easy path (33:00)The path of love is not methodical or intentional—it just happens (33:46)The beloved throws itself nearer, and in that nearness you encounter all your obstacles (34:41)Our hearts are full of garbage… love is sorely needed these days on earth (35:10)For fans of the A. H. Almaas Wisdom Series, the Wisdom Series, based on Hameed's book The Inner Journey Home, will be continued later in the spring.Resources & References – Part 1A. H. Almaas, The Inner Beloved: The Heart's Journey to Divine UnityA. H. Almaas, Love Unveiled: Discovering the Essence of the Awakened HeartA. H. Almaas, Nondual Love: Awakening to the Loving Nature of RealityRumi, The Book of Love: Poems of Ecstasy and LongingAbraham Maslow wrote about meta-motives and meta-pathologies in Toward a Psychology of Being and The Farther Reaches of Human NaturePoet Longchenpa only rarely talks about love and beauty, Finding Rest in the Nature of the MindRamakrishna, Hindu mystic devoted to Kali---Deep Transformation's Path of Love Series with A. H. AlmaasDeep Transformation's Path of Love Series with A. H. Almaas begins with an overview of Hameed Ali's Love Trilogy — Love Unveiled, Nondual Love, and The Inner Beloved — to orient us on the spiritual path of love unique to Hameed Ali and the Diamond Approach, then delves into the profound and deeply touching topics Hameed addresses in his most recent book, The Inner Beloved, published in February 2026. Listeners may want to get a copy of this book, to study and follow along on this extraordinary path of awakening. Also, if you are interested in taking a course on The Inner Beloved in the fall of 2026, you can register your interest here: https://da.pages.ontraport.net/inner-beloved-interest.---Special Diamond Approach Course Discount for Deep Transformation ListenersIf you are interested in taking a course offered by Diamond Approach Online, Hameed's team at the Ridhwan School have offered a special 20% discount for Deep Transformation listeners. You can access the Course Catalog here: https://online.diamondapproach.org/catalog/. And enter the code DTP20 to receive your discount when you sign up.

Welcome to the School of Ministry podcast. In this episode we examine  the doctrine of kenosis, unpacking Philippians 2:5–11 and explaining how Christ, equal with God, "made himself nothing" by taking on human limitations, living in humility, and dying on the cross. The episode contrasts Christ's self‑emptying with prideful rebellion, highlights His incarnation and exaltation, and calls listeners to adopt the same humble mind and to receive Christ as Savior.

While most of our attention is on getting or having, consider that it is something available when we begin to look at what we can do without. Emptying is a wonderful practice that often gets us back to no-thing, to at least closer to it. The space where there is No-thing in your way of love. Listen in as we explore the process of doing without.Thank you for being here; you matter.I am offering sessions on Tuesday mornings. If you want an elder to hold space for you and reflect on your amazingness, sign up on my website. I am always happy to hear from you.You can reach me at terces@tercesengelhart.com, and I will reply. Additionally, if you would like to order my book directly from me, I am happy to send you a signed copy. Please email me, and I'll send it to you. ($15 plus shipping)If you know of anyone who might benefit from listening in, share a link to an episode with them; in other words, be an invitation to join us. Get full access to Terces's Substack at engelhart.substack.com/subscribe

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Want to talk about what you're hearing in this episode with Josh and Drew and others that share your experience?https://disordered.fm/community----In this episode, Josh and Drew break down the "Stress Jug"—a metaphor designed to explain why anxiety and panic often seem to appear out of nowhere. The guys discuss how accumulated stress, both positive and negative, can cause your "threat response" to overflow, leading to sensitization and the search for a threat where none exists.The Mechanics of Overflow: How the amygdala misinterprets a full "stress jug" as immediate danger, triggering unexpected fear and physical symptoms.The Role of Meaning-Making: Why your brain creates narratives (like health anxiety or fear of "going crazy") to explain internal discomfort.Beyond "Emptying the Jug": Why recovery isn't about avoiding stress or keeping the jug empty, but learning to tolerate the overflow when life gets heavy."Meta-Stress": Understanding the additional weight of being stressed about being stressed, and how that contributes to the cycle of disordered anxiety.The "Gunk" at the Bottom: Addressing long-term factors like grief, self-esteem, or unprocessed emotions that occupy space in your jug.We're also sharing "Did It Anyway" stories from the community, including a listener's trip to Jamaica despite anxiety and a first-time solo drive after years of avoidance. These stories highlight the importance of taking action even when you don't yet believe you are safe.---The Disordered Guide to Health Anxiety is now available. If you're struggling with health anxiety, this book is for you.---Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Worry and Rumination Explained⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. The workshop takes a deep dive into the mechanics of worrying and ruminating, offering some helpful ways to approach the seemingly unsolvable problem of trying to solve seemingly unsolvable problems.-----Want to ask us questions, share your wins, or get more information about Josh, Drew, and the Disordered podcast? Send us an email or leave a voicemail on our website.

https://www.fourthavenue.church/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/02222026-WorshipWEB-1.m4a The post Emptying – Kyle Dingus appeared first on Fourth Avenue COC.

Sick Again (GREAT  Led Zeppelin song,  but I digress) - Where's our Antifa checks? - What if Pam Bondi was a Waitress? Check April Ajoy on the Socials - Why All the Cock-eyed Freaks - Overcompensating for Immigrants and Racism - You Gotta Fight for Your Right to Vote - The Erika Kirk Tapes - Captain Tio!

Every day, we're surrounded by energy givers and energy drainers—but how do you actually identify which is which?In this episode, Jadyn Hailey breaks down how to recognize the habits, people, and routines that fuel you, as well as the ones quietly draining your mental, emotional, and physical energy. You'll learn how to remove the biggest energy drainers from your life and intentionally add more energy‑boosting practices into your daily routine. Sip an almond‑milk matcha latte and tune in as you begin creating a lifestyle that supports balance, clarity, and genuine well‑being.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

My nephew has left me bankrupt. He emptied my SuSu savings business while I was away for a few weeks recovering from a short illness. - Man complains.

Learn about taps and tools that make beer taste different than it tastes at home, from cask conditioning to Czech side-pour faucets.Roaring Table Brewing Co-Owner and Head Brewer Lane Fearing discusses why Roaring Table is known for “doing things the hard way,” from building a brewery on a shoestring budget to the reality of hand-cleaning an electric kettle. He breaks down why cask beer tastes different, including the impact of cellar temperature (~50°F) and lower carbonation on aroma and drinkability, and goes full beer-nerd on service tools that change mouthfeel and foam: first, the Czech LUKR faucet (wet foam + “milk pour”), and second, a two-spout Japanese sharp-pour faucet designed to trap CO₂ under a tight cap of foam.After the beer break, Lane discusses the German Stichfass (the celebratory gravity keg you hammer-tap), why Roaring Table's new kitchen “pie” program is such a big deal, and the surprisingly sessionable side of “dark beer.” He shares his Munich Dunkel with Brian and Cody before moving on to a New Zealand Pilsner and a discussion of what makes NZ hops taste different than American hops. Plus: Roaring Table's beloved Tuesday Vinyl Night and a nitro pub ale that drinks like creamy, cascading pub perfection.0:00 Roaring Table Brewing in Lake Zurich2:07 Doing things the hard way in brewing3:27 Why brewers respect Roaring Table6:02 Emptying bourbon barrels7:48 Brewing many beer styles10:15 Pitching a brewery to your spouse12:11 Why Roaring Table chose Lake Zurich16:44 Why cask beer tastes different19:55 What a LUKR faucet does to lager20:38 Japanese sharp pour faucet explained21:44 Japanese rice lager vs traditional lager24:15 Munich Dunkel tasting notes27:37 What is a stichfass keg29:10 Why the pizza program matters32:50 New Zealand pilsner tasting34:05 How New Zealand hops taste different36:48 Tuesday vinyl night at the brewery40:38 Nitro pub ale and cascading foam45:38 New brewhouse and cellar plans47:45 Biggest pride after 8 years48:53 Final four brewing questions50:53 What makes their Helles special54:33 Final toastAbout Roaring Table Brewing Co: Located in Lake Zurich, Illinois, Roaring Table Brewing focuses on classic lagers, English cask ales, and beer service that makes each pour taste better than it would at home. Learn more on their website (and find the tap list) at https://roaringtable.com/ —You can learn more about Crafty Brewers and get in touch with us on our official website, https://craftybrewerspod.com Support Crafty Brewers on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/c/craftybrewers Crafty Brewers is a production of Quantum Podcasts, LLC, an enterprise podcast growth consultancy. If your brand would like to capture a loyal audience to drive business results with the power of podcasting, then visit https://quantum-podcasts.comOur executive producer and editor is award-winning podcaster Cody Gough. He insists that we tell you that in this episode, you'll learn about: Japanese-style rice lager, Helles lager, Munich Dunkel, English mild ale, English best bitter, English pub ale, nitro beer cascade, beer engines on draft, cellar temperature beer service, low carbonation beer flavor, beer carbonation levels, CO₂ trapping foam, Czech pour technique, two-spout beer faucet, sharp pour beer, wet foam beer, beer service techniques, lager mouthfeel science, English cask ale service, beer tasting science, beer foam texture, Untappd beer profiles, craft beer tasting notes, brewery taproom experience, brewery kitchen pairing, Detroit-style pizza pairing, vinyl night at brewery, brewery event night, brewer workflow stories, brewery expansion plans, small brewery scaling topics, brewer career transition, Lake Zurich craft beer, Chicago suburbs craft beer, Chicagoland beer scene, beer style comparison, brewing technique explanations, beer ingredient spotlight, beer flavor profiles, and brewery culture and community.

The guys from Dawgman.com - Kim Grinolds, Chris Fetters, and Scott Eklund - got together this morning to answer some member-submitted questions and then Chris and Scott answered Kim's questions about former interns, players, and coaches. Some of the questions that were asked: How have UW done in the offseason replacing Denzel Boston...The 10 best current players on the UW roster...Top in-state recruits for the next few years...Opinions on current AD Pat Chun...Best guesses on true freshman that won't redshirt...Jedd Fisch's next coaching destination...A breakdown of 2026's defensive line and EDGE group... And then Kim got to ask some of his most-pressing questions about former coaches and players the guys loved to talk to and would want to have a beer or drink with, as well as favorite interns and a lot more. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Text me your thoughts about this epidode ...Today's end‑of‑2025 episode explores one of my favourite themes in Vedic Astrology, the mystical and practical power of the number 11! We'll look at the 11th House, the 11th Sign (Aquarius), and the 11th Lunar Day or Tithi (Ekadashi), and challenge ourselves to answer the question: what do wealth inequality, dopamine, cortisol, and fasting have to do with the number 11?!?Together, we'll explore how the 11th House shapes our aspirational pursuits and our relationship to accumulation. We'll look at how Aquarius, ruled by Saturn, brings balance through its pragmatic commitment to collective responsibility. And we'll reflect on Ekadashi, the 11th Lunar Day, as a natural practice of emptying, resetting, and remembering that we can thrive without constant consumption.Whether you're a long‑time Vedic Astrology enthusiast or newly curious, join me as we unpack the deeper meaning of the number 11 and why its teachings feel especially relevant at this sacred threshold between years.Wishing you a blessed beginning to 2026!Support the show

Thank you for joining us for our 2nd Cabral HouseCall of the weekend!   I'm looking forward to sharing with you some of our community's questions that have come in over the past few weeks…   Svetlana: Hello, could you please talk about incomplete bladder emptying in females specifically? What is causing it and what can be done to fix it? Someone said that squatting over the toilet without sitting on it to urinate could cause it. Is that true? This is the need of having to urinate again within 15mins of going the first time with small amounts of volume and difficulty "pushing" it out. No infection symptoms.                                                                                                                          Eric: Hi Dr. C, thanks for all your efforts! I use melatonin (extended release) regularly to help w/ sleep. A recent large international study published on the News Medical Life Sciences website, and presented at the American Heart Association's 2025 Scientific Sessions, stated that long-term users of melatonin had a higher risk of heart failure, hospitalization, and even death compared to those who didn't take it. The study looked at more than 130,000 adults with chronic insomnia. This sounds crazy to me. Any thoughts about this? Thanks.                                                                                  Audrey: Hi Dr. Cabral, Is doing a coffee enema while breastfeeding safe? I know detoxes are not safe, but I wasn't sure if a coffee enema is different because the main reason is to increase glutathione                                                                                           Angie: Hi Dr. Cabral, My last job I worked, there were a lot of wireless devices and 5G networks. I noticed how easily drained I would feel and I didn't even work a full 8 hours. I have been dealing with chronic pain and fatigue off and on for years now, and recently have been more cautious of how often I use technology. I am now seeing the trend of products like grounding mats and functional silver infused garments. Can you talk about the connection between adrenal fatigue and EMF exposure? And the new EMF products that may potentially reduce exposure or make it bearable to work in a high-tech environment. Thank you so much for all your help and support that you and your team provides!!       Savannah: Is there any supplement/herb/product to help someone with gastroparesis? what about acid reflux too? i'm wondering what can help with natural stimulation of the stomach nerve/muscle contractions in order to have a bowel movement. i was told that i have slow gut motility & little to no peristalsis. the only thing that works for me is senna but it takes extreme higher dosages. i completed the cbo protocol and finisher and everything was better but now im chronically constipated & have been diagnosed with gastroparesis. i use to go everyday during the protocol but now i feel that ive lost the gut/brain communication too.. as i no longer go by myself as im laxative & enema dependent. any advice? thank you in advance.         Thank you for tuning into this weekend's Cabral HouseCalls and be sure to check back tomorrow for our Mindset & Motivation Monday show to get your week started off right! - - - Show Notes and Resources: StephenCabral.com/3593 - - - Get a FREE Copy of Dr. Cabral's Book: The Rain Barrel Effect - - - Join the Community & Get Your Questions Answered: CabralSupportGroup.com - - - Dr. Cabral's Most Popular At-Home Lab Tests: > Complete Minerals & Metals Test (Test for mineral imbalances & heavy metal toxicity) - - - > Complete Candida, Metabolic & Vitamins Test (Test for 75 biomarkers including yeast & bacterial gut overgrowth, as well as vitamin levels) - - - > Complete Stress, Mood & Metabolism Test (Discover your complete thyroid, adrenal, hormone, vitamin D & insulin levels) - - - > Complete Food Sensitivity Test (Find out your hidden food sensitivities) - - - > Complete Omega-3 & Inflammation Test (Discover your levels of inflammation related to your omega-6 to omega-3 levels) - - - Get Your Question Answered On An Upcoming HouseCall: StephenCabral.com/askcabral - - - Would You Take 30 Seconds To Rate & Review The Cabral Concept? The best way to help me spread our mission of true natural health is to pass on the good word, and I read and appreciate every review!  

Andy Johnson returns with another mailbag episode of The Fried Egg Golf Podcast just in time for your Thanksgiving travels. Andy gives his thoughts on Golf.com's new Top 100 Courses list before answering listener questions about the "golf bubble" in Aiken, South Carolina, the future of Yolk with Doak episodes, and more. He then brings producer PJ Clark on for a few topics as the two discuss what they're looking for from TGL's second season, their favorite golf clubs, and what PGA Tour player is most like Andy's 8-3 Chicago Bears.

~[00:00] What a man learns at his physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual edge; Luke's Kilimanjaro mission.~[02:30] The ‘tea cup' parable: pressure reveals what's inside you, not who bumped you.~[05:30] Crisis of comfort: how certainty and control keep men numb and untested.~[08:45] Oxygen, fatigue, and the rawness of leadership under real uncertainty.~[12:15] Identity vs. conditioning: who you are isn't your stress response.~[15:30] Voluntary rite of passage vs. default initiations (divorce, illness, burnout).~[22:30] Emptying the cup: daily practices, tears, and learning service-as-leadership.

As we approach Thanksgiving and the season of gathering, I'm reminded how the smallest shifts in our surroundings can brighten our spirit. Clearing a room, finishing a project, or even emptying a purse can bring a sense of freedom that lifts our thoughts and helps us reconnect with what matters. In this episode, I share reflections from simple daily moments—trees losing their leaves, a newly emptied room, and the quiet clarity that follows completion. These moments help us focus, breathe, and move forward with fresh intention. I hope this encourages you to pause, reset, and enjoy the gentle goodness that small steps can bring into your life. The changes happening outdoors this season reminded me how our inner world often mirrors our surroundings. When the trees shed their leaves, we see the evergreens stand out more boldly—just as the important parts of our lives stand out once we lighten our load. Clearing space, finishing tasks, and letting old habits fall away give us room to think with calm and purpose. As we prepare for the holidays, this practice can restore motivation, renew energy, and open our hearts for connection. My hope is that these thoughts serve as a warm reminder that clearing space—even through small actions—can lift your spirit and spark clarity. Key Points The way small messages, moments, or observations can inspire direction and clarity. How the bare trees of late fall reveal the steady beauty that was always there. The value of clearing a room or completing a long-overdue project to refresh your thinking. How finishing tasks frees mental space and renews energy. Emptying spaces—like a purse, drawer, or garage—can lighten emotional weight. Letting go of outdated traditions or expectations as we enter the holiday season. How completion builds confidence and opens the door to prayer, rest, and peaceful reflection. I'd love for you to listen to Mini Miracles From Minor Moments, where small moments bring light, clarity, and encouragement. Click here to listen → https://lindagullo.com/podcast If an episode speaks to your heart, please pass it along. Sharing the podcast helps others feel supported and reminds them they're not walking alone.

Join Taylor Davis and Jason Campbell as they take us through the wild world that is the SEC right now going into Week 13. Lane Kiffin has been very active in getting his name out there amidst all of the speculation about where he might be coaching next year and our hosts have some theories as to what he might be up to. They also hit on their SEC Sirens and Standouts as well as some of the bigger matchups in the SEC this week so make sure to LISTEN IN NOW to hear it all from the top experts ONLY right here on SEC State of Mind! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This talk was given by Gil Fronsdal on 2025.11.05 at the Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA. ******* A machine generated transcript of this talk is available. It has not been edited by a human, so errors will exist. Download Transcript: https://www.audiodharma.org/transcripts/24181/download ******* For more talks like this, visit AudioDharma.org ******* If you have enjoyed this talk, please consider supporting AudioDharma with a donation at https://www.audiodharma.org/donate/. ******* This talk is licensed by a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 4.0 License

This talk was given by Gil Fronsdal on 2025.11.05 at the Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA. ******* A machine generated transcript of this talk is available. It has not been edited by a human, so errors will exist. Download Transcript: https://www.audiodharma.org/transcripts/24181/download ******* For more talks like this, visit AudioDharma.org ******* If you have enjoyed this talk, please consider supporting AudioDharma with a donation at https://www.audiodharma.org/donate/. ******* This talk is licensed by a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 4.0 License

You can listen wherever you get your podcasts, OR— BRAND NEW: we've included a fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post.In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, I do a coaching call with Joanna who has a 2-year-old and a 7-year-old. We cover how to make mindset shifts so you can better show up for your kids, as well as get into specifics around night weaning, bedtime battles, handling meltdowns, playful parenting and increasing our connection to our kids.**If you'd like an ad-free version of the podcast, consider becoming a supporter on Substack! > > If you already ARE a supporter, the ad-free version is waiting for you in the Substack app or you can enter the private feed URL in the podcast player of your choice.Know someone who might appreciate this post? Share it with them!We talk about:* 6:40 how to manage meltdowns* 9:00 Night weaning and bedtime challenges* 20:00 Emptying a full emotional backpack* 26:00 Kids who always want more attention* 28:00 Understanding blame and anger* 38:00 Games to play when a child is looking for more power* 44:00 How our mindset makes such a big difference when parenting* 47:30 Two keys to peaceful parenting!* 55:00 Playful approaches to bedtimeResources mentioned in this episode:* Yoto Player-Screen Free Audio Book Player* The Peaceful Parenting Membership* How to Help Our Little Ones Sleep with Kim Hawley * Episode 100: When Your Child Has a Preferred Parent (or Not) with Sarah and Corey * Episode 103: Playful Parenting with Lawrence Cohen * Playful Heart Parenting with Mia Wisinski: Episode 186 xx Sarah and CoreyYour peaceful parenting team- click here for a free short consult or a coaching sessionVisit our website for free resources, podcast, coaching, membership and more!>> Please support us!!! Please consider becoming a supporter to help support our free content, including The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, our free parenting support Facebook group, and our weekly parenting emails, “Weekend Reflections” and “Weekend Support” - plus our Flourish With Your Complex Child Summit (coming back in the spring for the 3rd year!) All of this free support for you takes a lot of time and energy from me and my team. If it has been helpful or meaningful for you, your support would help us to continue to provide support for free, for you and for others.In addition to knowing you are supporting our mission to support parents and children, you get the podcast ad free and access to a monthly ‘ask me anything' session.Our sponsors:YOTO is a screen free audio book player that lets your kids listen to audiobooks, music, podcasts and more without screens, and without being connected to the internet. No one listening or watching and they can't go where you don't want them to go and they aren't watching screens. BUT they are being entertained or kept company with audio that you can buy from YOTO or create yourself on one of their blank cards. Check them out HERETranscript:Hey everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast. Today's episode is a coaching episode. My guest is Joanna, mom of a 7-year-old and a 2-year-old. Joanna's 7-year-old is an intense child, and she wanted to know how to handle her big feelings and find more connection with her.She also had some specific challenges around bedtime, namely that her partner works shift work and is not home at bedtime. She still breastfeeds her 2-year-old to sleep, so is unavailable to her seven-year-old for a bit, and then has trouble getting her seven-year-old to bed without a fight. Joanna also shared how low she was on resources, and we had a great discussion about how that impacts her parenting and what she might do about it.Also, meltdowns—we talked about those too and how to respond. I know Joanne is not alone. One note: after we did the follow-up call, I realized I forgot to ask her about a few things. So she kindly recorded a couple of P.S.'s that I'll include. If you're curious, like I am, you'll be glad she gave us the latest updates.If you would like to come on the podcast and be coached by me, I am looking for a few parents who are interested. You can email me at sarah@sarahrosensweet.com.As always, please give us a five-star rating and a review on your favorite podcast app, and if you know another parent or caregiver that this would be helpful for, please screenshot it and send it to them. The best way to reach more families with peaceful parenting is through word of mouth, so we really appreciate any shares that you might be able to give us.Okay. Let's meet Joanna. Okay.Sarah: Hi Joanna. Welcome to the podcast.Joanna: Hi. Thanks for having me.Sarah: Tell me a little bit about yourself.Joanna: Sure. I live up in Ottawa, Canada, with my husband and my two kids. I'm a music therapist, so right now I'm working with babies. I teach Yoga with Baby and, um, a class called Sing and Sign at a local wellness center.Sarah: Nice. How old are—Joanna: Yes, I have a 7-year-old girl who we'll call Jay.Sarah: Okay.Joanna: And then a 2-year-old boy called JR.Sarah: JJ. Okay, perfect. Okay, so how can I support you today?Joanna: Yeah, so my daughter has always been, like, a bit of a tricky one. Um. She was born premature, so at 29 weeks. And no kind of lasting effects. But as she's gotten older, we've noticed, like, she's really struggled a lot with emotional regulation. Um, and she kind of gets stuck on certain behaviors. So I feel like we've done a lot to change our parenting, in part thanks to you and your podcast and all the material. Um, I did finally read, um, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids this past summer.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Joanna: And I feel like it also had a huge effect, just having, like, that bigger scope of understanding of, like, the peaceful parenting philosophy.Sarah: Uh-huh.Joanna: So I would say, like, even from where we were a few months ago, we've experienced tons of positive shifts with her.Sarah: Sweet.Joanna: Yeah, so we're already kind of well on our way, but there are certain behaviors that she has that still I find really perplexing. So I wondered if maybe we could go over a couple of them.Sarah: Sure. Yeah, no problem. For anyone—if, for anyone who doesn't know, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids is the book written by my mentor, who I trained with, Dr. Laura Markham. Um, and just for my own curiosity, what do you think? Because, you know, I always worry that people are—that they don't have the fully formed idea of peaceful parenting. And that—and I'm not saying you, because you've listened to the podcast so you probably have a deeper understanding—but some people are just getting their little snippets on Instagram reels, you know, and so it is hard to understand, like, the, the sort of the core reasons why we do the approach if you don't have that deeper understanding. And also, I'm working on a book right now, so hopefully soon you'll be able to say you read my book. But what did you—what do you feel like got fleshed out for you when you read that book?Joanna: I think she really breaks a lot of things down step by step, such as, like, what to do when your child is going through a meltdown.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Joanna: And that has always been an area—like, when my daughter gets to that point where she's, like, become really explosive and aggressive and she's just, like, in it and she's kind of unreachable at that moment—like, what to do step by step at that time. I think, like, that's been the most helpful because I've been able to really settle into my own parenting and just, like, really trust myself and anchor in at that point, which is exactly really what she needs and what was missing.Sarah: Yeah. Yeah.Joanna: So—Sarah: So I think, um—like I always say, focus on regulating yourself first. Like, when someone's having a meltdown, empathize.Joanna: Yeah.Sarah: Um, you know, it—yeah, it's—it can be hard because you often feel like you need to do something. And even though you're saying step by step, it's less about doing anything than just centering yourself, staying calm yourself, trying to get in touch with the compassion and empathy even if you're not—some pe—some parents say, “Oh, well, when I try to say anything, then my kid just screams more.” So sometimes it's just empathize—like, getting connected in your own heart to the empathy and compassion, even if you're not saying anything—and that, that does something.Joanna: Absolutely it does. Yeah.Sarah: Yeah.Joanna: Yeah, so that's all been really helpful. Now, in—in terms of emotional regulation, I do definitely think that that's the biggest piece.Sarah: Okay.Joanna: Uh, it's been the biggest piece for me and sort of, like, one of the big things that I wanted to talk to you about today is we are still really not getting sleep because my 2-year-old is not a good sleeper and has never been a good sleeper. And we've gone through periods where I'm like, okay, now he's only waking up, like, twice a night, and that feels manageable. Um, but he's kind of been back to waking up, like, three to six times a night again, which is so hard. And then my husband's very supportive; however, he works afternoons, so he's gone from about 3:00 PM to 1:00 AM, so he needs to be able to sleep until about eight, which means I'm up with my son between six and seven. My daughter gets up for school around 7:30, so that's, like, a tricky time of day because she's really quite grumpy in the morning. He's not—the toddler's really, like, kind of a totally different temperament. But, like, I'm tired after struggling with, like, night wakings all night. And then I'm with the kids from the time that she gets home from school, um, and then doing both bedtimes myself.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Joanna: Um, so there's a lot of time where, like, I am solo parenting, and I'm definitely, like, the preferred parent. Um, and both my kids really want me and need me at bedtime. So he is still nursing—like, I'm nursing to sleep and then nursing during the night. And I know that that's probably contributing a lot to all the night wakings. So, I guess my question is, like, I am at the point where I am ready to night-wean. I probably should have done it already, but—Sarah: Don't say “should have.” Like, it's—if you're not ready to make that change, like, in your heart, it's really torturous to try to—try to, like, not—so say you decide you want to night-wean, but you weren't really ready to do it. It would be so painful for you to deny your son nursing in the night if you were—if you didn't feel in your heart, like, “No, this is the right thing to do. I'm totally ready. I think he's ready.” So, so I think waiting until you're really, like, actually, yes, “I'm done with this,” is a smart thing. Yeah. So don't beat yourself up for not having done it already. But you're right, it probably does contribute to him waking up in the night.Joanna: Yeah. And, um, I do feel like I—I'm ready. I just—I'm not quite sure how to make that shift. So what generally happens is, like, we have some, like, virtual babysitting going on with my mom, where, like, when I nurse my son to sleep, which generally takes, like, between maybe 30 and 45 minutes, she'll, like, sit with her and do a workbook. So we'll have, like, a video chat, and then after—Sarah: Yeah, it's great.Joanna: So then after, um, I'm with her to get her ready for bed, and that oftentimes looks like a lot of, like, dragging heels on, like, “Oh, I want another snack,” and “I wanna, like, brush my teeth,” and “Whatever—don't wanna brush my teeth.” So, um, then that ends up taking usually about an hour, but we both sort of have, like, this expiration at about 9:00 PM, where, like, she just gets so dysregulated because she's so tired.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Joanna: So if I don't have her in bed at that point and, like, already kind of with the lights out, there's often just, like, a meltdown and some—like, she'll start calling me names and start, like, you know, throwing stuff down at me and whatnot. And then I'm just really tired by that point too. Yeah. So we can kind of joke around about it now—like, nine o'clock is the time where we're, like, where we both expire. So I'm trying to figure out, like, how can I night-wean? Because I know that that is supposed to start with, like, him being able to fall asleep by himself at the beginning of the night, so—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Joanna: Slowly phasing that out and laying with him. I know it's gonna probably take a lot longer in the beginning, so I'm just a little worried that, like, maybe if it takes, like, an hour, an hour and a half, then all of a sudden she's kind of, like, left hanging and it's getting later and her bedtime's being pushed back.Sarah: Are there any—are there any nights that your partner is home at bedtime?Joanna: There's two—Sarah: nights that—Joanna: he—Sarah: is,Joanna: yeah.Sarah: Yeah. I mean, I guess I would start with those nights.Joanna: Yeah.Sarah: Yeah. Start with those nights. And—and when was your son's birthday? Like, like how—two—is he—Joanna: He just turned two, like, two weeks ago.Sarah: Okay. So, I mean, I think I would start with trying to just practice, you know, nursing him and maybe nursing him somewhere else and then bringing him back, you know, and then putting him in—are you co-sleeping?Joanna: Sleep—yeah. Well, I put him—like, I generally nurse him to sleep. He has a floor bed in his room, and then I go to bed in my own room, and then at his first wake, then I go back in, and I just stay there for the room—the rest of the night from that point.Sarah: Right, right. So I, I guess I would try just, like, nursing him and trying to, like, pat his back and sing to him and, you know, tell him that—that he can have—I, I mean, what we did was, “You can have milk in the morning,” you know, “You could have it when it's light.” I remember my oldest son—when he—it took him a couple of days—and if you wanna hear the whole story of my failed night-weaning with my second son, it was in a podcast that we did about infant and toddler sleep, uh, with Kim.Joanna: Yeah, Kim?Sarah: Yes. So you could listen to that if you haven't heard that already. But my second—my first son was super easy to night-wean, and a couple of—it was, like, a couple of nights of a little bit of crying, and he would just say, “Make it light, Mama. Make it light,” because he wanted—I said, “You can nurse when it's light.” But, you know, I, I, I don't wanna get into that whole big thing on this podcast because—mm-hmm—just because I've already talked about it. But if you wanna listen to that, and if you have any questions when we do our follow-up, you can, uh, you can ask me. But, you know, I would just try, you know, talking to him about, then, you know, “You can have Milky in the morning,” or whatever you call it, and, you know, those two—see how it goes for those two nights where your partner's around. And if it doesn't—I would say, if it still seems really hard, maybe just waiting to do it until—I don't know if you have any other support you could enlist. You mentioned your mother—maybe she could come and visit, you know, because I do think it would be hard to try and do this and do the solo bedtimes for a while. So I don't know if there's a time when your mom could come visit or if there's some other support that you could have. But yeah—Joanna: I think the tricky part with that is that, like, she—even with my husband—like, she doesn't want him to put her to bed.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Joanna: And depending on the kind of night that she's having, sometimes she'll end up, like, screaming, and their bedrooms are right beside each other. So we've had it before where, like, she'll start having a meltdown and, like, wake him up, and then he's not able to fall asleep either. And then we—Sarah: There's also—your husband could be with your son.Joanna: It's the same—same situation though. Like, he doesn't—him—Sarah: It sounds—it sounds like possibly—I mean, there—kids do have preferred parents even when, um, they do have good connection with the—with the other parent. And you could maybe still work—have some—that be something that you're working on, having your partner, you know, maybe even practicing having—before you start doing the night-weaning—practicing having your partner doing some of the bedtime stuff. When you are—when, you know, when—before you're starting to make a change so that your son doesn't associate, you know, “I'm not getting what I want,” and my dad, you know, putting me to sleep.Joanna: Yeah.Sarah: So I would maybe try to get your partner a little bit more involved in bedtime before making a change. And—and even if there's some crying—we also have a podcast about preferred parents that you could listen to. So I—you know, I think maybe you do have a little bit of pre-work to do before you start doing the night-weaning, and, in terms of when—how can you get support at bedtime?Joanna: Yeah.Sarah: Okay.Joanna: I mean, the other option is if you just kick it down the road more and—or, you know, there isn't—there's actually a third option now that I think about it—it's that you still nurse him to sleep but then don't nurse him when you wake him up—when he wakes up in the night. Get him to go back to sleep without that.Sarah: I hadn't thought about that, because I think that everything that I've heard has been, like, they have to fall asleep on their own because then they're always gonna be—Joanna: looking—Sarah: for—Joanna: Yeah. Yeah.Sarah: But I mean, you could still try it.Joanna: Hmm. Okay.Sarah: Or you could try shortening the—you know, give him a little bit of milk and then see if he'll go to sleep, um, after he has a little bit, but without nursing to sleep.Joanna: Okay. Yeah. Okay, I'll give that some thought and try some different things there.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Joanna: Okay. Thank you. But yeah, I feel like just starting to get sleep again is pretty important. So, even in terms of, like, being able to center myself to handle all of the things that goes on with my daughter during the day, that feels like a really important piece right now.Sarah: For sure. And if she's—if she's some nights not going—it sounds like quite frequently maybe she's not asleep before nine.Joanna: Yeah.Sarah: And what time does she wake up?Joanna: 7:30.Sarah: 7:30. So do you think she's getting enough sleep?Joanna: Probably not. She's really lethargic in the morning.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Joanna: But I can't really seem to figure out how to be able to get her to sleep. Like, I did talk to her about it, and she was like, “Well, maybe when I turn eight, like, I can start putting myself to bed.” And I was like, “Okay, well what—what would that look like?” And she kind of went through, like, “Okay, I'll, you know, I'll brush my teeth on the phone with Grandma, and then I'll just, like, read in bed.” And—but this is, like, in a moment where she's feeling very regulated.Sarah: Right, right, right. And when's her birthday?Joanna: Uh, in about two months.Sarah: Okay. Yeah. Um, have you had a conversation with her about how neither of you likes the fighting at night? And, you know—and does she have any, like—not in the moment, but does she have any ideas of, you know, how you can solve the problem of her not, you know, not wanting to go to bed and then getting too tired and then getting really cranky?Joanna: Yeah, we have—we have talked about it, and we can talk about it with, like, a little bit more levity now, but I don't think that she's actually—we've gone to, like, the problem-solving—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Joanna: of that.Sarah: I mean, that might be a helpful conversation to have with her and just say, “You know, I've been thinking about what often happens at night, you know, and I totally get it, that you don't wanna go to bed. Like, you know, when I was a kid, I never wanted to go to bed, and I would've stayed up all night if I could. And I'm sure you're the same because it's just—you know, when you're young, going to bed is, like, you know, not any fun at all.” And you can make—you could even make a joke, like, “When you're old like me, like, you can't wait to go to bed.” But of course when you're young, you don't wanna go to sleep, and I totally get that. So, like, lots of empathy and acknowledging, like, her perspective. And—and then you could say, “And at the same time, you know, you do—you know, why do you think it's important to sleep?” So I guess you could have that conversation with her too about, like, you know, what happens when we're sleeping that—your, you know, you could talk about how your cells, like, fix themselves. Also we grow when we're sleeping—like, we get the—like, the growth hormone gets secreted, and that's the—if we don't get enough sleep, we're not gonna grow and we're not gonna feel happy the next day. So you can, like, talk to her about the importance of sleep. And then you could say, like, “So, you know, I know you don't wanna go to sleep, and I know how important it is, and now you do too. And, you know—and I hate fighting with you at bedtime. You know, do you have any ideas for how we can solve this problem? Because I really want us both to go to bed feeling happy and connected.”Joanna: Yeah. Yeah, that's a great suggestion. Thank you. I think the biggest barrier to her getting to bed on time is she is finally feeling, like, a bit more calm and relaxed at night. Like, she comes home after school with a lot—she's holding a lot from school. They have, like, a point system for good behavior at school.Sarah: Oh.Joanna: And you should see how she racks up the points. She has great behavior at school. The teacher's, like—would never believe what goes on at home.Sarah: Of course, yeah.Joanna: So then she comes home, and it's, like, a lot of unloading. So I feel like by that time of night she's, like, ready to pursue her hobbies. Like, she's like, “Oh, I just wanna do this one more little”—you know, she's drawing something, and it's always like, “I just need to finish this,” because once she gets started on something, she can't seem to break her focus on—We're very much suspecting ADHD. That's gonna be probably in the next year we pursue a diagnosis, but—Sarah: Typically—do have a lot of trouble falling asleep—that's with ADHD. What about—you know, so two outta three of my kids had a lot of trouble falling asleep, and they're both my ADHD kids, and what really helped them was something to listen to at night. You know—Joanna: Yeah, she does listen to podcasts falling asleep—Sarah: Does listen to stuff.Joanna: Yeah, she's always listened—listened to, like, a story falling asleep. I think part of it too is we don't get a lot of one-on-one time throughout the day.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Joanna: Because my son's around in the morning.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Joanna: And it's usually just the three of us until my husband wakes up, which is shortly before she goes to school. And then it's again the three of us from after school till bedtime most days, except for the two days a week that he's off.Sarah: Well, I mean, that's something to explore too, like, in—are there, you know—I don't know if you live in a neighborhood that has some, like, tweens that could come over and play with your son for an hour—you know, just someone really fun that he would like to play with—and then you and your daughter could have some time together. Because what I was gonna say when you said that she comes home with what we call the “full backpack” in Peaceful Parenting—which is, she's been carrying around, for anyone who's listening who doesn't know what that is, it's a concept that my mentor, Dr. Laura, came up with—where you're holding on to all of the stresses, big feelings, tensions from the day, and then when you come home, it's too much to, you know, to keep holding onto it. And so that's what you were just referring to, is just that she's got a lot to unpack after the day at school. And so I'm wondering—so when you mentioned that, I was gonna say, like, what could you do to try to proactively get some of that emptied out? Couple of ideas: do you do any roughhousing with her?Joanna: We actually just started doing that, and I couldn't believe how much she was into it. Yeah, I was super surprised. But I also think that it's taken just a lot of, like, repair with our relationship to get to the point that I've even been able to try some of this stuff. Like, because at first, like, when I first started hearing about some of these, like, peaceful—I, I don't know if you'd call them techniques—but, like, being playful and, um, roughhousing and things like that—she was so not open to anything at all because she was just so serious and so edgy and like, “Get away from me,” like, so irritable. So now I think that we've just—I've poured a lot of time in on weekends just to, like, spend time together that's enjoyable, and I'm noticing a huge shift. So now we are able to do some of these things, and it—it is turning out more positively.Sarah: Good. I mean, as you're speaking, I'm thinking that it sounds like there was maybe, um, quite a—a breach when your son was born, like, the last two years. Or, or do you feel like your relationship has always been a little strained even before that?Joanna: I feel like maybe it's always been a little fraught. I don't know if his birth had, like, a huge impact on that. Um, it has always been pretty strained.Sarah: Okay, okay.Joanna: Just because she's the more challenging kid?Sarah: I think so. And, you know, when she was two there was the pandemic. I think, like, I was carrying a lot of trauma after the whole NICU experience with her. And then we had the pandemic, and then we moved, and then I got pregnant, and then I had my son. So it's like there's sort of been these, like, things along the way where—yeah, I don't know.Sarah: Yeah. Okay. Well, I mean, that's good that you brought that up because I think that, you know, maybe that's gonna be the pre-work—that even before bedtime starts to feel better is really working on—you know, if you can get some support in, because it is really hard to have one-on-one time with a 2-year-old who probably doesn't wanna leave you alone. But even if—you know, continue with your sort of bulking up on the weekends with that time with her and do some, like, roughhousing and special time with her. Do you guys do special time?Joanna: Yeah. And that's something I wanted to talk about because special time has been sort of a big fail when I call it special time and when we set a timer for special time, because it really tends to dysregulate her, I think, because she's like, “Oh my God, I only have you for 15 minutes.” Mm-hmm. She gets really stressed out, and then she's like—oftentimes she likes to do these, like, elaborate pretend plays—things which need, like, a lot, a lot of setup time. Yeah. So she'll be like, “Pause the timer so I can set this up,” and then it just becomes, like, more tension between us. Like, it's not enjoyable.Sarah: It's one of those things where, like, you really have to adjust it to how it works for your particular family. Um, so, you know, maybe you just have, like, a couple hours with her on the weekend and you're—and it would be good for your—your partner and your son too. Maybe he could take him to the park or go and—you know, for them to work on their connection, which might make him a little bit more willing to go to bed with his dad, you know, on the nights that your partner is home. So, you know, I would really work on that connection with her and do those pretend play things with her. And even—you know, and this is maybe obvious, which is why I didn't say it before—but, you know, partly she's dragging her heels because that's the only time she has you to herself—at bedtime, right?Joanna: Yeah.Sarah: And so she doesn't want that to end because that's the only time that it—her brother's asleep—she has you all to herself. So if you can increase the time where she has you all to herself, she might be more willing to, um, to go to bed. Yeah. The other thing I was gonna say is, do you have anything that you do together at bedtime that would be, like—it sounds like she's dragging her heels to actually get in bed. Is there anything that you can do to entice her to get in bed, like a chapter book that you're reading her, that you read a chapter every night or something like that?Joanna: Yeah, and that has worked in the past, but it can—it can also kind of cause tension because I find, like, then I am a lot more apt to kind of hold it as, like, a bargaining chip instead of, like, “Oh, let's get to that.” Right. But lately we've been playing cards, and she's really motivated to, like, play a game of cards when we're in bed. So that seems to be working right now, but it's always kind of like—it changes all the time.Sarah: Right, right. Well, just keeping—thinking of something that you can use to make getting in bed seem more attractive? Um, maybe—I mean, my kids used to love hearing stories about me when I was little or about them when they were little. So it could even just be, like, a talk time. I know Corey, who works with me, does—she started doing a 10-minute talk time with one of her sons, who's a little bit older than—than your daughter, but where they just have, you know, this time where they just get in bed and he tells her stuff and they—they talk. So that could be something too—just really pure, straight-up connection.Joanna: Yeah. Okay, I like that. Maybe I can just ask you a couple more things about some of the things I—She's kind of a person that really wants constant connection too. Like, it does feel like I could spend, like, all day with her, and then she—once it's over, she would still be like, “Well, why are we not still—” like, it—we've always kind of—my husband and I will joke that she's got, like, a leaky cup because it's, like, “Just fill up their cup,” but it doesn't seem to matter. He used to play with her for, like, two to three hours when she was younger, and then at the end she would just, like, not be satisfied. Like, it didn't seem like anything was going to, like, fill her cup.Sarah: And that—you know what, there are kids like that. I remember I had this client once whose son actually said to her, “Mama, all the—all the hours in the world are not enough time with you.” And there are some kids that are really just like that. And, you know, I'm not sure how you respond when she says, like, you know, “But we hardly even got to play,” after you play for three hours. I mean, that playful—like, “Oh my gosh, like, what if we could just play all day?” You know, either, like, playful response of, like, “We could play for 27 hours,” you know, “and—and—and we would still have so much fun together.” Or just pure empathy, you know, like, “Oh no, it just feels like it's never enough time, is it?”Joanna: And it almost seems like sometimes when I am empathetic, it almost, like, fuels her anger. I don't know if you've ever heard that before from anybody else, but—eh, I don't know. Like, we had a situation with—like, she was looking for a specific bear last weekend—a teddy bear that she's missing—because she wanted to bring it to a teddy bear picnic. And so we were sort of, like, you know, we had to get out the door to go to this party. She couldn't find this bear, and I was, like, you know, offering a lot of empathy, and just, like—the more that I was like, “I know, like, you're so frustrated; you're so disappointed that you can't find your bear,” it was like the more that she was like, “Yeah, and you took it, you hid it, you put it somewhere.” Like, it just—the more empathy I gave, it seemed like the more that she was using it as almost, like, fuel to be upset. Does that make sense? Right.Sarah: Yeah. No, that's pretty common. And the thing is, you have to remember that blame is trying to offload difficult feelings. It's like, “I don't wanna feel this way, so I'm gonna blame you.” And then—you know, it's anger—have you ever seen the image of the anger iceberg?Joanna: Yes.Sarah: Yeah. So the anger iceberg is, like, the anger is the only thing you see coming out of the water. But underneath the iceberg are all of the more tender feelings, right? And anger is actually a secondary emotion. So you don't start out by feeling angry. You feel—like, like for her, she maybe was feeling frustrated and disappointed that she couldn't find her bear. And those are the first feelings. But those more tender feelings are harder to feel, and so anger is often protective. And the tender feelings also set off that—you know, that overwhelm of our emotions registers as a threat to the nervous system, which sets off that fight, flight, or freeze. So there's all those things going on, right? Like, the blame of, like, trying to offload the feelings; the anger of feeling like it's easier to go on the offensive than to feel those tender feelings; and then the nervous system getting set off by that overwhelm that registers as a threat, right? It sets off the fight, flight, or freeze. And they're—they're kind of all different ways of saying the same thing. And yes, empathy often will help a child—that they get more in touch with those feelings. And I'm not saying that you don't wanna empathize, um, but just recognize that, you know, the feelings are happening, and when you empathize, they—you know, you're welcoming the feelings, which sometimes can have that fight, flight, or freeze effect.Joanna: And would you recommend that I continue to really lean into empathy more and just stay with all of that emotion until it passes?Sarah: So—totally depends. The other thing I was gonna say is it's possible—like the situation you just gave me—it's possible—like, how—were you actually feeling empathetic, or were you trying to just get out the door?Joanna: I think I was, but at a certain point I was like, “I think, you know, we have two options from here. Like, we can continue to be upset about the bear and it—it will make us late for the party, or at a certain point we can move on and make a new plan,” and, like, “get our—make our way over there.” So, um, is that effective? Yeah, I—I mean, she eventually was able to change gears. But, I mean, it doesn't feel like real life to just be able to, like, sit in your negative emotions all the time. And I think, like, maybe I struggle with doing that for, like, a long enough period of time to actually let her—let them out.Sarah: Well, I don't know—yeah. So, I mean, there's a difference between welcoming feelings and wallowing in emo—in emotion, I think.Joanna: Yeah. And she definitely is a wallower, and she almost has really, like, attached so much sadness and frustration and anger to this bear. Like, now she'll just, like, think about the bear and be like, “Oh, I still can't find that bear.” Like, she was just, like, you know, exploding about it again this past weekend. So it almost feels like she's just latching onto it to, like, feel bad there.Sarah: I mean, some kids—she's probably not choosing to latch onto it to feel bad, but she probably just has. So, so what I was gonna say is sometimes when kids seem to be wallowing, it's just that there's so much there that they haven't been able to get out on a regular basis. So I think it is just like a full backpack, and there's just a lot there. And it's not—it's probably not just about the bear. It's probably just like she's—it's, you know, processing other older things too. And you don't have to know what's in the backpack or try and figure it out. But you might find that if you had more opportunities for her to process feelings, then she might not get so stuck when they do start to come out.That's one thing that I would think of. Like—and more laughter should help with that. Like, more laughter and roughhousing to help her sort of process stuff. And also sometimes—so the bear thing reminds me of—some kids will just feel bad, you know, like feel bad sometimes from, like, a full backpack, or maybe they don't even know what it is, they can't connect. Or maybe they're just tired and low-resourced and their brain is kind of like, “Why do I feel bad? Why do I feel bad?” And she's like, “Oh, the bear.” You know, she remembers, like, the bear. Like, I've had clients tell me, my kid will say, like, “I miss Grandpa,” who they never met, who died before they were born—like, just kind of casting around for, like, “Why could I be feeling this way right now? Oh, I know—it's 'cause I can't find that bear.”Or maybe the bear is so important to her that it really is—that she thinks about it and it just makes her feel bad. But I think what you wanna remember when it seems like she's wallowing is that, you know, getting—like, having empathy. And I actually also did a podcast about this too, with another coaching call, where I talked about, you know, cultivating a certain amount of nonchalance after you feel like you've been pretty empathetic and welcomed the feelings. Because I think if we're too empathetic sometimes—and I do wanna be very careful with this because I don't want anyone to take this as, like, “Don't be empathetic”—but, you know, there is a time where you just say, like, “You know what? I hear how upset you are about this, and I get it. And I would be really bummed if I couldn't find the bear I wanted also. And we have to decide, like, are we gonna stay here and just keep feeling sad about the bear, or should we figure out another plan?” Like what you said, right.Joanna: Yeah, I have heard you say that before, and that's been so helpful for her. Mm-hmm. It seems like if I'm not so reactive to her emotions, she realizes that they're not an emergency either.Sarah: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean—and that's a good point too, because I didn't even ask you, like, how's your regulation when this is happening? Like, are you getting, like, annoyed, frustrated, upset for her, kind of drawn in? Are you able to, like, kind of center yourself and stay calm?Joanna: It varies. I would say I currently am the most resourced that I've ever been—good with, like, the emotional regulation piece. And then that—I see, like, sometimes she is able to come out of it more quickly, or it just depends on, you know, what her tolerance is at that—at that time. So—Sarah: Joanna, it might be that, you know, you're coming out of—almost like you're coming out of a fog of, you know—you said all the things: like the NICU experience, and then the—and then COVID, and then your new baby, and—and that it might be that you're really, finally for the first time, kind of getting to tend—you know, look at yourself, your own regulation, and be more present and connected with your daughter. And all these things are gonna start having a little bit of, um, of a snowball effect. And it may be that you've just had this, like, seven-year period of difficulty, you know?Joanna: Oh, that's horrifying.Sarah: Well, but the good news is it sounds like things are shifting.Joanna: Yeah. It really does feel like that. Yeah. You're—I feel like even if I talked to you a few months ago, I would've been like, “Oh, help me.”Sarah: Well—and that you're recognizing what you brought—what you bring to the table, and that, you know, things have been fraught with your daughter, and that you're sort of starting to come out. And—and honestly, also doing that—doing that bedtime—after-school bedtime by yourself five days a week, that's gonna be tough too. Uh, so you've got situ—just that current situation doesn't sound like it'll change, but you're changing what you're bringing to it.Joanna: Yeah. Yeah. Um, if I can maybe just ask you, like, one more little thing?Sarah: Sure.Joanna: Maybe this is—it all comes back to, like, wanting a lot of connection, but this is also what kind of drains my battery. She constantly wants to, like, talk to me or ask me questions from, like, the time that she wakes up to the time that she goes to bed. And it will be—like, currently it's, like, “Would you rather.” It's like, “Would you rather eat all the food in the world or never eat again?” Uh-huh. In the past it's been, like, “Guess what's in my mouth?” But then she always really tries to make it—make me wrong in the circumstance, if that makes sense. Like, I don't know if that's just her, like, looking for power or, like, the upper hand, or like—I don't know. I'm not sure what it is.Sarah: Well, I mean, if you feel—if you have a sense that she's looking for power, I would bring that into the roughhousing—where you are the one who's weak and bumbling and idiotic, and, you know, you're so slow, and she beats you every time at a race. So I would really try to bring some of that—some of that stuff into your roughhousing where she gets to be—Do you know the kind of stuff I'm talking about? Like, “I bet you can't—um, you know, I bet you can't beat me at arm wrestling,” and then, like, you know, you flop your arm over in a silly way, and like, “How are you so strong? Like, I'm gonna beat you next time.” And it's obviously playful, because probably you are stronger than she is at this point, but, you know—feats of strength or speed, or, you know, figuring things out, and you act like you really don't know anything. And—but in, of course, in a joking way, so she knows that you're not—you know, you're pretending to be all these things, but she still gets to gloat and, like, “Ha, you know, I'm the strongest, I'm the best.” So really giving her that in roughhousing.And then also, like, real power. Like, I don't know if she gets to make—what kinds of decisions she gets to make, or, you know, how much—how flexible you are on limits. Because sometimes, as parents, we do set unnecessary limits, which can make our kids, you know—make them look for power in other ways. So really looking at what limits you're setting and if they're necessary limits, and—and how you're setting them. Uh, and also I think it sounds like it's connection-seeking—like, she just wants you. You know, she wants to know that you're there and paying attention to her. And so everything else that you're doing—that we're talking about—that you're gonna try to do more—more time with her and get more one-on-one time with her, hopefully that will help too.And I think it is okay to say, like, after you've done, like, 25 “would you rathers,” I just say—like, I used to say to my kids, “You know what? My brain is just feeling really stimulated from so many words. Like, can we have some quiet for a few minutes?” And not—and being very careful to not phrase it like, “You're talking too much,” or “I don't wanna listen to—” and I'm exaggerating for effect—but just framing it as, like, your brain and a regulation thing—like, “My brain,” and it is words. Yeah. And so, like, “Do you—should we put some music on?” You know, “Can we—like, think of—can you connect in a way that—let's listen to a story.” Okay. Something like that where you still, like, keep up connection with her, but—and it might not work. She—she might not be able to stop talking, but you can try it at least.Joanna: No, that's a—that's a really good suggestion. Almost like replacing it with some other kind of stimulation if she's looking for that in that moment.Sarah: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So I think—I think it's just—I think it's fair. Like, it's totally—I, at the end of the day, with people, like, talking at me all day, I sometimes am like—you know, when my kids were younger, I'd be like, “Okay, you know, I—I just need a little—my brain needs a little bit of a break. It's feeling overstimulated.” So I think just using that language with her.Joanna: Okay. Okay. Great. Thank you. Well—Sarah: Yeah, I think you're—you know, I think that I've—that we've connected at a point where you're, like, at—you're, like, at the—sort of the top of a mountain, you know? And you've been, like, having all this struggle and uphill battles. And I think you've put—before even we talk—you've put a lot of pieces [together] of what—you know, why some of the challenges were. And they do seem to be connection—you know, connection-based, just in terms of, um, you know, her wanting more and you not being as resourced. And so hopefully working on connection is gonna help with that too.Joanna: Yeah. I'm gonna keep that at top of mind.Sarah: And your self-regulation too. You said you're—you know, you've been having—you're more resourced now than you ever have been, so you're able to work on really staying, like, calm and compassionate in those times when she's dysregulated. Going back to what I said in the beginning, which is that, you know, the steps for the meltdowns really start with our own regulation.Joanna: And I find it's a snowball effect too, because once you start seeing positive changes, it allows you to, like, rest in knowing that things will not always be so hard.Sarah: Yeah. So it—Joanna: It gives you motivation to keep going, I think.Sarah: Totally. And, you know, with complex kids—which it sounds like your daughter is one of those more complex kids—um, brain maturity makes such a huge difference. Um, like, every month and every year as she's starting to get older. And, you know, you mentioned ADHD—that you—that you suspect that she might be ADHD. ADHD kids are often around three years behind, um, in terms of what you might expect for them in terms of, like, their brain development. And not—and not across the board. But in terms of, like, their regulation, in terms of what they can do for themselves, um, like in—you know, and obviously every kid is different. But it really helps to think about, um, your ADHD kids as sort of, uh, developmentally younger than they are. My—my girlfriend who has—her son and my daughter are the same age, so they're both just starting college or university this year. And, um, she was—I—she lives in California, and I was talking to her, and her son has ADHD, and she was talking about how much support he's still needing in first-year college and how she was feeling a little bit like, “Oh, I feel like I shouldn't be supporting him this much when he's 18.” And—and she said, “Actually, I just re—you know, I always remind myself of what you told me a long time ago: to think of him as three years younger than he is in some ways,” and that that's made her feel a little bit better about the scaffolding that she's having to give him.Joanna: Yeah, I've never heard that before. That's good. She's also gonna be starting to work with an OT in a couple of weeks, so we'll see if that has any effect as well.Sarah: Cool.Joanna: Cool.Sarah: Alright, well, I look forward to catching up with you in around maybe three weeks or a month and seeing how things went, and, um, good luck, and I hope this was helpful and gave you some things to work on.Joanna: Okay. Thank you so much.Sarah: Hi Joanna. Welcome back to the podcast.Joanna: Hi Sarah.Sarah: So—how has—it's been about—I think it's been about four weeks since we talked the first time. How have things been?Joanna: Yeah, things I think have been going a little better. Like, every day is a little bit different. We definitely have, like, a lot of ups and downs still, but I think overall we're just on a better trajectory now. Um, it's actually—I was wondering if things—if, like, the behavior has actually been better, or if it's more just, like, my frame of mind.Sarah: That is the classic question because—it's so funny, I'm—I'm laughing because so much of the time when I'm coaching parents, after a couple of sessions they'll say, “This isn't even about my kids. This is all about me.” Right.Joanna: Yeah, it really, really is and just continues to be about, like, my own—not just frame of mind, but, like, my own self-regulation. That's always the biggest thing.Sarah: Yeah.Joanna: Um, I think the biggest challenge is, like—ever since, like, about six months ago, I just have had really bad PMS. So I find, like, the week before—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Joanna: I just feel so irritated by everything.Sarah: Yeah.Joanna: So I feel like that's a really—just so much more of a challenging time because then things that normally don't bother me are bothering me a lot more.Sarah: Right.Joanna: And then it's harder to keep that connection strong.Sarah: Totally. Yeah. And you also—as we mentioned last time—you have come off of a whole bunch of different events of, you know—we talked your daughter's premature birth, and then COVID, and then the new baby. And the new baby—you know, you're not sleeping that much, and, um, all of those things would make it also have your resources be low. Like, not only the PMS, but, like, anything that puts a tax on us—on our resources—is gonna make us more irritable.Joanna: Totally. And—but I'm really trying to lean into having a lot more compassion for myself, because I know that when I do that, I can have a lot more compassion for her and, mm-hmm, whatever's going on that she's bringing to the table too. So that's—that's, I think, probably the biggest thing. But I think that our relationship is just starting to have a lot more resilience—like, when things do start to go sideways, either she or I—we're able to kind of get back on track a lot more quickly than before, and it doesn't become as, like, entrenched.Sarah: That's awesome. And we—we talked last time about trying to get some more time with her so that the only time that she has with you isn't just at bedtime when you're trying to get her to go to bed. Have you been able to do that, and has it—do you think that's been helping?Joanna: Yeah. It depends. Like, we had a really busy weekend this past weekend, so not as much. And then I find that sometimes, like, a barrier to that is, like, by the time the weekend finally comes, I'm so depleted and really just, like, needing time for myself. As much as I'm like, “Okay, I need to spend one-on-one time with her,” I'm like, “I don't want to—I just, like, be by myself for a little while.” So it's—Sarah: I hear that.Joanna: It's always that—like, yeah, it's always that balancing act. And then, like, feeling guilty of, like, “Okay, no, I know I should want to hang out with her,” and I kind of just don't really.Sarah: Mm-hmm. No, you're—you're totally not alone. And it's funny that you just—you mentioned self-compassion and then you said, “I feel guilty 'cause I—I don't wanna hang out with her,” but we all—the theme so far in this five minutes is that, um, you know, what you're bringing to the—what you're bringing to the relationship has been improving. Like you said, your mindset has shifted, and that's helping things with her. So even if you're not getting time independently with her—and hopefully you can work towards that after you fill your own cup—but you're still helping things with her by getting time to yourself.Joanna: True. Yeah, because then I'm coming back just a much better, happier—yes—parent and person.Sarah: Totally.Joanna: Oh, thank you. That's helpful.Sarah: Yeah, and the—and I think you've—you know, you've touched—just in these few minutes—you've touched on two big things that I always say: if you can't really take these two things to heart, it'll be really hard to be a successful peaceful parent. And one is what you said—the mindset shift, you know, of how you see her behavior with, you know, that children are doing the best they can. You know, they're not giving us a hard time; they're having a hard time. And the other one is self-compassion. So making strides in both of those areas will really help you be that parent that you wanna be.Joanna: Yeah. And even though we're maybe not getting huge chunks of time individually, I am really trying to make the most of, like, those little moments—Sarah: Good.Joanna: —of connection. Yeah. So even, like—what we've started doing is, because my husband's on night shift, he is waking up with her in the morning because she has a really hard time in the morning. So now he's sort of with her, getting her ready in the morning. And then I am—like, we used to all walk to the bus together because my son likes to go too. But now my husband's hanging back with my son, so now I'm just walking her to the bus. And even though it's five minutes, it's like we're holding hands. She's able to tell me—Sarah: Yeah.Joanna: —you know, talking about whatever.Sarah: That's still—that—that totally counts. That's—and that also, um, that also takes care of something we talked about last time too, which is your husband and your son having more time together, um, so that the nights that—when your husband is home—maybe he can put your son to bed and start trying to shift that dynamic. So yeah. That's amazing that you're doing—that. Yeah, I think that's a great shift—walking to her—to the bus by herself.Joanna: And I think it—it actually makes a huge difference. You know, before it was like she would just kind of get on the bus and not really look back, and now she's, like, giving me a hug and a kiss and waving—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Joanna: —waving in the window. So, like, I can see that it's having a positive effect right away.Sarah: You could even leave five minutes earlier than you have to and have—turn that five minutes into ten minutes.Joanna: I would love to do that. It's always just—like, it's really hard to get to the bus on time as it is. We will work toward that though.Sarah: I hear that. Well, if you did try to leave five minutes earlier then it might be more relaxed, even if you didn't even have any extra time, but you were just, like—leave, you know, change your whole morning back five minutes and try to get out five minutes early.Joanna: Yeah. Yeah. True. So I think that we had talked a lot about roughhousing last time too—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Joanna: —and I do find that that's—that's really—it works well for her, but I run into this really specific problem where when, uh, like, we start roughhousing, and then she's enjoying it, but then my son wants to get in the mix—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Joanna: —and then right away she's like, “No, like, get outta here.” So then she'll start kind of, like, pushing him or, like, throwing kicks or something. So—and then he gets upset because he's like, “Mom! Mom!” So then I end up sort of, like, pinned underneath both of them—Sarah: Right.Joanna: —they're mad at each other, hitting each other—Sarah: Oh no.Joanna: —they both want me.Sarah: Well, maybe—maybe don't do it then if that's how it ends up. But I do have a couple of shifts that might help before you give up on it when you're alone with them. One is, do you ever try to do those “two against you”? Like, start it out right from the get-go—“You two against Mommy. See if you can—see if you can—” Um, it's funny you just said you end up pinned down because that's what I often say. Like, “See if you can stop Mommy from getting up,” or “See if you can catch me,” or, you know, trying to align the two of them against you. That might help.Joanna: Yeah, I love that idea. Never thought about that. Yeah, I think she would love that.Sarah: Yeah. So, “Okay, you two are a team, and you have to try to stop me from jumping on the bed,” or “You know, you—you have to stop me from getting to the bed,” or, you know, something like that.Joanna: Okay, I'm gonna try that. I think that they'll love it.Sarah: Yeah. Another idea is, um, what I call “mental roughhousing,” where you're not doing, like, physical stuff, but you're being silly and, like, um—I think I mentioned her last time to you, but A Playful Heart Parenting—Mia—W—Walinski. She has a lot of great ideas on her Instagram—we'll link to that in the show notes—of, like, different, um, like, word things that you can do. When I say mental roughhousing, it's like getting everyone laughing without being physical.Joanna: Mm-hmm.Sarah: Uh, which—you know, the goal of roughhousing is to get everyone laughing, and sometimes being physical might not work. But you can—like, I'll give you an idea. This isn't from Mia, but this is something that I used to do with my kids. Like, you know, one of you—you're like—you say to JR, “Oh—where did your sister go?” And she's sitting right there. “She was just here a minute ago. Where did Jay go? I don't see her. What happened to her? She disappeared.” And meanwhile she's like, “I'm right here! I'm right here!” You know—something like that that's more of, like, a—more of a mental roughhousing.My kids and I used to play this game that actually my brother-in-law invented called Slam, where, like, you both say a word at the same time. Um, so, like—I'm just looking around my—like, you know, “curtain” and, you know, “lemonade.” Uh, and then it's like—you both say it—both—you both say your word at the same time. And that actually wasn't a very funny one—kids come up with much funnier ones than I do—but it's like, “Is that, like, a lemonade that is made out of curtains, or is it a—what—” It's such a dumb example now that I think of it, but—but—or is it, like, a curtain that hides the lemonade? And so you just try and—like, you think of silly things that the two words together—the two words “slam” together—mean.Joanna: Okay, great. That's—that's on my next book—that's on my next thing to read. You—man—you keep mentioning—what is it? Playful—Playful Heart Parenting? She has an—I—Sarah: There was a book—there was a book too. And—Joanna: Oh—Sarah: Playful Parenting—the Larry Cohen book.Joanna: The Larry Cohen book, yeah.Sarah: Yeah.Joanna: Yeah.Sarah: That's a great book. Yeah, and he was on my podcast too, so you could listen to that. We'll also link to—Mia was on my podcast, and Larry was—so we'll link to both of those in the show notes as well.Joanna: Okay, great. I may have listened to one of those, but—yeah. Okay. Yeah.Sarah: And Playful Parenting is really great for also talking—and, like, Mia is just straight up, like, how to be more playful in life and to, you know, make more joy in your family kind of thing. And Larry talks about how to be more playful to also support your child through transitions and through big emotions and different things—like, it's a—it's a little bit more, um, like, all-around parenting—Playful Parenting.Joanna: Okay.Sarah: But it is different.Joanna: Yeah. I used to have a really hard time getting the kids upstairs to start the bedtime routine. And now it's like—I'll be like, “Okay, I'm gonna hide first,” and, like, I go upstairs and hide and we start—Sarah: Oh, I love that.Joanna: —we play hide-and-seek, and—Sarah: Oh yeah, it was a stroke of genius one day, and it's been working so well just to get everyone, like, off the main floor and—Joanna: —upstairs.Sarah: I'm gonna totally steal that idea. That's such a good idea. Yeah, because you could also send them up—“Okay, go hide upstairs and I'll come and find you.” And then you could do a round of you hiding. And I love that. That's a great idea. Yeah.Joanna: And I especially love hide-and-seek for sometimes when I need, like, 30 seconds by myself in a dark closet—Sarah: —to, like, take a breath.Joanna: That's great.Sarah: I love it. I love it. Yeah, it's—that's so great.As I mentioned before, I forgot to ask Joanna for an update about a few things. So here's the update about breastfeeding her son in the night.Sarah: Okay.Joanna: Hi, Sarah. So, in terms of the night-weaning, um, I haven't gone ahead and done anything about that yet just because he does have his last molars coming in and has been sick. So I want to wait until he's well and pain-free to kind of give us our best chance at getting that off on the right foot. But I have really realized that because he's my last baby, that this is really the last little home stretch of being woken up by a baby at night—specifically to nurse. So that's helped me kind of reduce my feelings of resentment toward it.Sarah: I love that Joanna zoomed out and looked at the big picture and the fact that this is her last baby, and used that to sort of just change her mindset a little bit and make it a little bit easier to continue on with something when she knew it wasn't the right time to stop. And now here is her update about bedtime with her daughter. And for this, I love that she got preventive—you'll see what I mean—and also playful. Those are two really great things to look at when you're having any struggles with your kids: like, how can I prevent this from happening? And also, how can I be playful when it is happening and shift the mood?Joanna: And in terms of bedtime with my daughter, we've made a couple of schedule changes to set us off on a better foot once I get back together with her after putting my son to bed. So I think we used to have a lot of conflict because it was like she was still asking for another snack and then hadn't brushed her teeth, and then it was just kind of getting to be too late and I was getting short on patience. So now we have, like, a set snack time where everybody has a snack, and I let them know, like, “This is the last time that we're eating today,” and then we're going upstairs—using hide-and-seek, like I mentioned—and then just really continuing to be playful in all doing our bedtime tasks together.So, for example, I'm saying, like, “Okay, I'm gonna go into my room and put my pajamas on. Can you guys go get your PJs on—and then don't show me, but I have to guess what pajamas you have on?” So she really loves that because, like I mentioned, she loves to get me to guess things. But also she's then helping her brother get ready for bed, and he's far more cooperative with her than with me in terms of getting his pajamas on. So it all works really well.Yeah, and then just kind of continuing to be silly and playful is really helping with brushing teeth—it's like, “Who can make the silliest faces in the mirror?” and stuff. So, really kind of moving through all those tasks together so that by the time I'm out of the room and ready to put her to bed, everything's done, and we can just get into playing cards and then snuggling and chatting and—and leaving from there after maybe a five- or ten-minute snuggle. So there's been way fewer meltdowns at the end of the night because we are able to just not get in this place where we're getting into power struggles in the first place. It's just really all about, like, the love and connection at the end of the day.Sarah: The final thing I wanted to check in with you about is—you were asking about the meltdowns. You know, when Jay gets really upset and, you know, how to—um—how to manage those. Have you had any chances to practice what we talked about with that?Joanna: Yeah, she actually had a really, really big, long, extended meltdown yesterday, and, um, I just continue to not really feel like I'm ever supporting her in the way that she needs supporting. Like, I don't—I always end up feeling like I'm not—I'm not helping. I don't know. It's just a really, really hard situation.Sarah: I was just talking to a client yesterday who—who actually wanted to know about supporting her child through meltdowns, and I said, “Well, what would you want someone to do for you?” You know—just kind of be there. Be quiet. You know, offer a—you know, rub the—rub your back—rub her back. I mean, I don't know exactly what your child wants, but I think that's a good place to start if you feel like you're not being successful—like, “Well, what would I want if this was happening to me?”Joanna: And I think that really—that's enough, right? It's enough—Sarah: Oh, totally.Joanna: —to be there. And it always—maybe I'm just feeling like it's not enough because we don't really even get, like, a good resolution, or, like, even—eventually it just kind of subsides, right?Sarah: If you were having a meltdown, that's what would happen. Nobody can come in there and fix it for you.Joanna: Um, exactly.Sarah: Nobody can come in and say the magic words that's gonna make you not feel upset anymore. So it's really just about that—being there for somebody. And we're—it's not that the resolution is “I fixed their problems.”Joanna: Yeah.Sarah: The resolution is “I was there with them for the journey.”Joanna: Yeah. And it goes back to what you were saying, where it's like, “Oh, this work really is just about me.”Sarah: Yeah, totally.Joanna: And learning how to show up.Sarah: And not feeling anxious when your child is upset and you're like, “I don't know what to do,” and just think, “Okay, I just have to be

RUSSIA: GAS TANK EMPTYING - MICHAEL BERNSTAM, HOOVER