Crazy Blessed Adventures - Life with a butt load of kids

Wendy’s homeschool day with an 8, 7, 5, 4, 2 year old, and 8 month old: I am not a get-up-before-the-children kind of mama. My husband and I are both night people, and since I don’t believe in being out of bed before 7:00, it’s been a goal of mine to train all my children to sleep in as late as possible. It’s still a work in progress. 5:00 – The 4-year-old climbs in my bed. He needs a minimum couple hours of cuddle time each day. We snuggle up and both fall back to sleep. 6:30 – The baby wakes up. She’s not quite as easy. But I get her a bottle and eventually coax her back to sleep also. 7:30 – The 2-year-old wakes up loudly, waking up most of the house with her, which means I guess it’s time to give up the charade and head to the playroom. I make some coffee and bowls of Cheerios, and try to get in some reading. My current goal is to read some Scripture and at least ten minutes of another book each morning. The 4-year-old wants me to play Apples to Apples with him though, so I don’t quite make it to ten minutes, but I’m slowly working my way through the book.   My other new goal is to blog for an hour in the mornings, but the big kids trickling out of bed want chocolate milk and the littles want more Cheerios. I do a round of diapers (there are three kids in diapers right now!), then write a couple paragraphs. The three older kids play a board game, while the 4-year-old builds a Magnatile castle. The puppy needs attention, and all of a sudden an hour is up. It always goes way too fast. 9:00 – I have an alarm that goes off at 9:00. I prefer to structure our days more around flexible routines than around strict schedules, but I find babies get crabby if they don’t eat and sleep at regular times, so there are a few things I’m religious about in order to keep our chaos levels low. When the 9:00 alarm goes off, the big kids go get dressed and start their morning chores, including getting dressed, putting away laundry, and doing some cleaning on a rotating schedule. I’m super grateful to have my husband’s help overseeing this part of the morning! It’s one less conflict for me to have with the children in the day, and also gives me a few minutes alone while they’re working. This is where I’d normally make breakfast in the quiet kitchen, but today have an errand that has to be done, so Jamin takes breakfast on too. 10:00 – Kids finish eating and I send them outside to play while I try to finish my writing and some other household tasks. They all decide it’s too cold out, so five minutes later they’re back inside and start constructing houses out of a couple STEM kits that are on loan from friends.   11:00 – Another alarm: time for baby’s nap. Once she’s settled, we clean up and start Circle Time. Circle Time is basically singing and read alouds. I keep intending to add memory work to the rotation but haven’t done so with great consistency yet. We start with fun action and learning songs (current favorites are Just Dance Kids and Pancake Manor), then worship or Scripture songs (Seeds of Worship is awesome), and end with a hymn. All the songs are on a YouTube playlist that I turn on in the playroom and, yes, everyone dances on the table. Don’t ask me why, but it’s a thing here.     After singing, everyone grabs their favorite coloring or art book and sits at the table while I read. I have a stack of books we loop through, reading a few pages of each one each day. Some days we only get through two or three books, on a good day we can get up to five or six. Since it’s a looping cycle, it’s ok if we don’t get through each one each day. Currently in our read aloud stack: Jesus Storybook Bible, a Beatrix Potter collection, Life of Fred, Ruth Heller’s parts of speech books, some Mem Fox picture books about Australia, and What’s the Matter in Mr. Whisker’s Room. 12:00ish – We finish up the reading and move on to language arts and math. Like read alouds, I have a set of language and math activities that we work through in a loop. I try to do at least do two activities a day so we’re touching both subjects daily, and ideally we’d do three or four activities each day, alternating between language and math. Today we do Mad Libs, a math lesson practicing multiplication and division concepts, and finish with Apples to Apples. The 7 and 8-year-old are required to participate in math and language time, while the 4 and 5-year-old get involved as much as they’re interested, finding ways to adapt the activities to their level. 1:00 – Lunch and quiet time. The kids are somewhat independent for lunch, with some parameters. I make a checklist on the chalkboard that the three oldest kiddos have to complete in the hour: lunch, math, reading, and writing. This is independent work, and allows me to help the 4 and 2-year-old get settled for quiet time, and then spend a few minutes checking in with each of the other kids on their progress. I listen to the 5-year-old read from a Bob book and one other book of her choice.   The 7-year-old and I are re-reading Mouse and the Motorcycle together; he reads a page, then I read a page. Recognizing that he’s a super social kiddo who despises any solitary activity has helped me find better approaches for reading for him…making it a social activity has been a game-changer. The 8-year-old is a few chapters in on a book she’s writing, so she jumps through her math questions as quickly as possible to get to that. She finishes up her current chapter and brings it to me to read. It’s delightful, and I’m really enjoying watching her creativity and natural writing abilities blossom through this project. 2:00 – Normally at this point we’d transition back to the table to work on a science or history project. But today we’re meeting a new babysitter, the older sister of some of the kids’ co-op friends. She’s super adorable, the oldest of six children, and since she’s homeschooled, is available during the day. Major score!! The kids all think she’s fabulous. 3:00 – We have library books due today, so we head to the library. Our library has an amazing kids’ area, so we hang out there for awhile, while I look for more books to add to our read-aloud stack. Since we’re not typically there on Wednesdays, I didn’t realize they have a preschool story hour tonight. We stay much later than I’d planned, but it’s worth it. 7:00 – The 7 and 8-year-old have a Wednesday night church program they attend, so we head straight there from the library. I take the littles home, get them fed and ready for bed, and straighten up the house till the big kids come home. One more round of snacks and sippy cups and teethbrushing, and kids are all in bed. 9:00 – Since neither Jamin or I have had dinner, I pick up sushi, finish up my blog post from this morning, and get ready to record the post video with Jamin. We stay up working way too late, as usual. Every day feels like it races by and there’s so much more to do than time to do it in. But I feel crazy blessed to spend my days with my kiddos, investing in our family relationships and in our kids’ learning and growth. Tomorrow I’ll be tired, but grateful for the opportunity to do it all again. JAMIN RESPONDS: I don’t know how you do what you do, but I’d love to have the chance to try! You’re perfect for the job and I’m really glad to have you as my partner – you make a great home that I’m always eager to come back to. FROM JAMIN: tldr: Read Wendy’s thing. My days are easy. Aw, man! I was supposed to do this about a specific day? Sorry about that. All I can do is a general day: 2:00am – Go to sleep. Well…check Reddit and go to sleep. 3:30am – Get startled awake by a sharp jab to the ribs from the heel of a skilled striker between the ages of 1 and 4. I’ve now trained myself to sleep with my elbows down, ever ready to block the attempted morning karate drill and subsequent rush of fight-or-flight adrenaline. 3:33am – Touche, young karate kid. I did not block the flying ear-punch. Never mind. I’ll sleep in your bed now that it’s vacant. Seriously though – I would normally be opposed to this, citing some kind of bonding or attachment b.s. I vaguely remember from a pop parenting book. Of course, that would just be because I find it inconvenient. However, all the older kids have outgrown this phase and sleep in much later in their beds and already I miss their morning snuggles and frozen baby toes in the morning. Jamin, you’re gonna miss this. 8:00am – Go back to my bedroom to see if everyone’s there. My favorite mornings are when they are. 9:00am – Start and monitor the kids’ morning routine. 9:15am-ish – Try to be helpful and start the first of many cups of coffee that will enlighten my day. 11:00am – Realize I’m not being nearly as big a help as I would like to think I am. They’ve got this. They’re doing fine without me. Time to go make some money. 13 foot commute to work in the converted garage to answer emails, respond to the day’s video submissions, and teach people how take the next little step in their music journey. 8:00pm – Time to tuck the kids in and play video games with them if they are on purple. This is the best part of the day. 10:00pm – All the lessons are officially done. Check in with Wendy. Realize I haven’t eaten since breakfast, but decide I’ll just have a little bit to eat since it’s so late and it would be better if I didn’t eat so late. 11:15pm – Great ideas for the business. I’ll just take a second to knock a couple last things off my to do list while we watch Newhart or Newsradio in bed. 11:17pm – Change my mind about that eating thing. Ravage the kitchen like a angry grizzly coming out of hibernation. No carb is safe! 11:21pm – Shame. Shame and work. This is my most productive part of the day. Every one in my time zone is asleep or drunk, so I know no one is going to interrupt me and I feel like I’m getting ahead by working when they’re not. 1:30am – One last cup of coffee to mellow out for a good night’s sleep. WENDY RESPONDS: Oh my goodness. You’re so…honest. And we’re clearly not talking about the same day, since I said we were recording post videos past midnight, lol. But seriously, I’m really enjoying this season with you working from home and being as involved in our day as you’re able to be. Thanks for being so present and supportive; I couldn’t do it without you!

FROM WENDY: Less talking + more action = happier parent-child relationships It’s that moment when you realize that you’ve given the same kid the same instruction five times and he’s still immersed in his Lego construction. You’re trying to decide, “Is this spanking worthy? Or is it a time out? Maybe I’ll just confiscate his Legos for a week.” You hear yourself speak, and realize that you’re probably being over-the-top and are going to need to apologize for this later, but oh well. The constant decision-making of disciplining children can be so exhausting, not to mention the escalating level of frustration with the child who’s ignoring you. This is not what I want for my relationships with my kiddos. A couple of years ago, we decided we needed some form of discipline that wasn’t spanking, time out, or me just yelling the same instructions repeatedly. Experience has taught me that kids need clear expectations and consistent responses to their behavior.This system is very similar to the one that I used for classroom management when I taught kindergarten, and I find it just as effective at home as I did in the classroom. Rewards and consequences are predictably administered for behaviors we’ve discussed, and the visual of the chart keeps kids accountable for their attitudes and choices even in the crazy times. Here’s what the chart in our house looks like: Setting it up You can print one out using the link at the end of this post, or you can easily make your own at home. We printed ours on heavy cardstock and laminated it for durability. We use small, colored clothespins that have the kids’ initials on them. And we use a magnetic clip at the top so we can hang it on the magnet board in the playroom, on the fridge, or wherever else will be a central location that everyone can see. How the clips move The kids start the day on green. All day, they have regular opportunities to “clip up” to the next color. Some of these are parts of their routine that need to be completed in a set amount of time, such as finishing all of their morning chores before breakfast time. There are other tasks that are a guaranteed clip up, such as unloading the dishwasher. Other times, kids clip up by being the first to obey, being a great example, or being kind or helpful to their siblings. Clipping down is the consequence for most infractions in our house. Kids can clip down for disobeying or ignoring instructions, having a bad attitude, arguing or talking back, or speaking unkindly to one another. The important thing here is that the behaviors associated with a clip up or down have been pre-determined by you and discussed with the kids, and that they are consistently responded to in the same way each time. Consider what the problem behaviors are in your household, the things that cause you the most parent-child struggle. Your list doesn’t have to look the same as ours. In fact, our list often changes to include new things. In the last week, I had a discussion with a few of my children about responding to instructions with “Why?” or “I don’t want to.” After a few days of practice, they now know that that kind of response will always result in a clip down. Incentives and Consequences Equally important as the consistent responses to behaviors is the consistent relationship of colors to incentives or consequences. Again, the way you set this up will be unique to your family. But here’s how we break down the colors for our kiddos: Purple (at the top of the chart, and can only be achieved by clipping up): special time with Papa (Jamin) after bed time…we call it “Purple Time” Green: use of their tablets or chromebooks for games Yellow: this is the “warning zone”; none of the above incentives, but no consequences yet either Blue: time out; I usually do timeout for the same number of minutes as the child’s age Orange: long time out (ie, a nap) Red: bedtime I have found it helpful, especially with certain personalities, to jump straight to a timeout “to collect yourself” for kids who are spiraling. If they’ve just clipped down and are looking like they’re about to repeat the same behavior or lose their temper, they will generally be sent to a quiet spot to pull themselves together and decide what kind of choices they want to make so that they can be on the color they want to end on today. My goal here is to allow the kids to see a clear correlation between their choices and their consequences. A kid who is in bed for the night at 2:00 in the afternoon for throwing a tantrum is going to feel like she can’t win since she now has no way to redeem herself. If, however, I give her a few moments to pause and reflect, she can usually find ways to make better choices in her day in order to move her clip in a more positive direction. It’s also important to note that I do not use this system with kids under 3. In fact, our three-year-old is still very much learning the system and practicing. Younger kids really need immediate responses to their behavior, and a system such as this one that delays consequences until a certain color is reached would be confusing for the little guys. JAMIN RESPONDS: Thanks for bringing stuff like this into our lives.  It’s adorable and cute. And it totally works. I think you and your classroom of kids is the best.  I totally couldn’t treat it the same as you, but watching you with them makes my heart happy. FROM JAMIN: tldr: This little chart helps, but consistency is always the real magic. I want to say that any system works as long as you work the system. I want to say our free printable behavior charts are dumb. That sounds like me. But this goofy little chart has been a life saver for us and the kids. I’m sure Wendy explained how it works, but basically, pre-determined behaviors trigger movement from one level to another, each level has its own rewards and punishments, and ending the day on a high color gets its own reward. So in some ways, it does the parenting for us: the kids decide what they want to get out of their day, and the chart determines the consequences and rewards. No more searching for a creative punishment to fit this particular behavior. It’s a life saver for us parents because it helps what I’m going to call emotional individualization: the ability to feel toward each kid the way I should feel based on their behavior. This is especially important with multiple kids. When we had 2, it was easy to treat them individually, but every classroom has a card/color/reward system because at a certain number, the teacher just can’t be expected to keep track any more. The chart helps us know whether a particular kid has actually been acting up all day or if it just feels like they’ve been acting up. It’s not uncommon that one kid will be in the middle of a string of terrible decisions, and a different kid will also make a bad choice. In the moment, I can’t always tell if kid #2 has been bad or if it just feels like it because I’ve been dealing with the first kid. When I check the chart and notice this is kid 2’s first mistake of the day, it’s easier to be more merciful in the moment. Or vice versa. Some kids are good at laying it on thick, but when I see they’ve already had 4 run-ins with mom so far today, it’s probably not a good time to let this one slide. It’s great for the kids because they know exactly how to earn more rewards and exactly what punishments they will get if they make poor/selfish decisions. And I think that’s the foundation of good parenting: a few rules, strictly enforced; creating solid expectations; an ability for kids to predict the future. Even if it’s “Friday nights daddy gets drunk and is violent,” that’s easier to plan for than “Daddy gets randomly violent when I do something he doesn’t like,” which is basically the way spankings go in a lot of houses. (That’s not anti-spanking rhetoric, just pro-consistency.) That’s why the key to this system (and any system) is consistency. Granted, this is a better system than the others we’ve tried, but it won’t work if the kids don’t know what kinds of things get a “clip down” or if they get a “clip down”, or if they are only enforced when I’m in a bad mood, or after a random number of warnings. Zero warnings. This is the system. It works. If I’m giving warnings sometimes and not others, that’s an unfair move the times I don’t give warnings. The kids SHOULD think I’m a bad parent; they SHOULD be mad at me for giving out punishment, even if it’s punishment I promised, if I created the expectation that they would get more warnings before handing out what I promised. How would I feel if the rules for MY behavior changed from day to day? If I’m going 66 in a 65 zone and I get pulled over, I’m gonna be mad and even the judge probably isn’t going to enforce my punishment. The expectation is at least 5mph over the limit. That is the REAL speed limit. The real laws are the ones that are enforced, not the ones on the books, and it’s the same for parenting. The other time this system doesn’t work is when a small kid is too tired or momentarily too self-destructive to get a hold of their choices. I used to believe that any sentient being, given the right incentives and punishments, could be persuaded to do almost anything. Kid’s not making a good choice? Better punishment and rewards can fix it. I still lean that way, but I’m WAY less confident than I used to be. Sometimes we primates are blinded by our fears/desires/emotions/exhaustion. Sometimes you can threaten a kid with death or promise Disney World and that still won’t help them reign in their pointless screaming. I still think that consistent bad behavior is an indication of a lack of parenting, but everyone has one of those days. And especially young kids, who haven’t had practice controlling their emotions, need repeated guidance to see that they can change their mental state instead of their mental state changing them. When this is the case, the clip chart is off the table. It’s not helping anyone to clip down 4 times in 5 minutes, even if that’s what the rules say should happen. Something else is going on here. Am I miscommunicating? Are they emotionally impaired by some other event or lack of sleep? Are they sick or in pain? Am I emotionally impaired at the moment? As any good internet adviser will confirm, the kids still have to learn to be responsible for choices in such circumstances, but maybe in some cases, the best way to teach good decision-making isn’t the clip chart…maybe it’s just a nap or some Tylenol (which, by the way, works for sadness like it does for physical pain…not a recommendation, but it’s an interesting twist to the way emotional states and physical pain might both affect judgement and decision-making). WENDY RESPONDS: Hmm…that Tylenol bit is interesting, I’ll have to hear more about that later. Sounds like we’re speaking the same language with the consistency thing, which you are so much better at than I am! I am reminded pretty much daily that that definitely is the most important factor.

FROM WENDY We're pretty cliche in our love for family Christmas traditions around here Sorry, Thanksgiving. Basically the minute the kids take off their Halloween costumes, Jamin starts pulling out random Christmas decorations and strewing them around the house. I spend the next week or so rearranging until they're all where they actually belong, and begin haunting all the area garden centers for signs of who will have live trees first. And Christmas music has already been playing in our house since August. Since our kids are still pretty young, we don't yet have a ton of long-term family Christmas traditions, but there are a few things that we've really enjoyed doing the last several years. The weekend before Thanksgiving is pretty much always devoted to setting up any decorations that haven't already made their way out of the closet, and to getting our tree. It has to be live. We get one as early as they sell them, usually early enough that the poor seasonal Lowe's employee in the garden center hasn't yet figured out how to work that handy machine that puts the netting on. We bring it home and try to cram in tree decorating, cooking making, light viewing, and a favorite Christmas movie all into one weekend. Each year on Thanksgiving, the kids get special ornaments from their grandparents that are representative of things they have done in that year. That is a really fun tradition that provides for lots of entertainment on tree decorating day. The kids all have their special ornaments in their own bin, so as I'm getting lights and ribbon on the tree, they pull out each one and reminisce. I generally give a designated space on the tree for each kid to put their own ornaments, so they decorate...and when they're in bed, I re-decorate so that the ornaments aren't all on the bottom half of the tree ;-) A couple of years ago, we were gifted a precious electric train set by some friends whose kids are grown now. It had been part of their family Christmas tradition for years, and now it's become part of ours. The big kids help Jamin set the track around the base of the tree, and all Christmas season long kids look forward to opportunities to drive the train and turn on the whistle. Near that goes our nativity set, just the plastic Fisher Price Little People version that the kids can play with. The Christmas story gets told and retold, sometimes creatively, for weeks. The month of December, we do a Christmas countdown. We open a numbered box each day that holds Hershey kisses and a task for the day. While the countdown is a tradition for us, the tasks in it tend to change from year to year. Sometimes they're just fun and simple, other years they've been more service-oriented or focused on completing certain projects. My favorite things that typically get included from year to year involve introducing the kids to new classics like a new Christmas movie, carol or book. And baking...we do a lot of baking around here! Because we don't a lot of Christmas shopping for the kids, we don't do things like making Christmas lists. Instead we do a Secret Santa exchange among the siblings, and between the planning and the creation of their homemade gifts, the air of secrecy and anticipation in the house definitely makes it feel like Christmas to me :) JAMIN RESPONDS: I don't put the decorations in the wrong place on purpose.  I know where some of them go.  And I just put the rest of them anywhere because I think the job will get done sooner, in little baby steps, if they are in an annoying place. If I just ask you to decorate, then I have to wait for you to find a large chunk of time to do it all at once. FROM JAMIN: tldr: Gifts and traditions are stupid. Spend time with family and don't have expectations I hate ceremony. Weddings, birthdays, graduations, anniversaries. Celebration of actual achievement is great, but mandatory congratulations is one of my least favorite parts of our species. And I feel the same about family Christmas traditions as I feel about birthdays. We've covered this in other places, but express your love when your heart says, not when your calendar says. On top of that, traditions are what is wrong with holidays: Doing things that no one wants to do, perhaps with unlikable people just because that same terrible decision was made multiple times in the past. If it's a bad choice that you just can't bring yourself to change, that's addiction. This is as good a place to say this as any other: family Christmas traditions are for ideas that aren't good enough to stand on their own. Recipes: you know why that casserole is a tradition? Everyone is too afraid of hurting grandma's feelings to tell her it tastes like cardboard, so everyone agrees to choke it down as long as it's only once a year. You know why we only eat turkey at Thanksgiving? No one likes it. Chicken and steak are way better. Christmas ham? You guessed it. You know what does NOT need a tradition? Ice cream. Sushi. French Fries. They don't need traditions because everyone already likes them. The same goes for board games, parades and communion. Do you think people were, on their own, going to nibble a dry cracker and sip grape juice, contemplating a horrific homicide while an old lady in bad costume jewelry played all 5 verses of a 100-year-old song on an out-of-tune piano? No way! But you know why we do it? Because in his last hours, a dying man said, "This do in remembrance of me" (But since he wasn't a 16th century Englishman, it probably came out more like "לעשות את זה לזכר אותי," which I can only assume has a lot more hard 'k' sounds.) So maybe some family Christmas traditions are good, but the fact that it's a tradition tells me it's probably not popular on its own. A "tradition" is a warning flag. Additionally, purposely creating family Christmas traditions with my family feels a little coercive. Who am I to say that in 20 years they won't have their own ways they want to celebrate? Calling my version of celebration a 'tradition' means that eventually they will have to 'break' our tradition. Maybe it's just my experience, but promoting a family tradition seems to have some emotional ill-will implied for whoever decides to break it. Even for Christians, Christmas isn't really about the great gift of baby Jesus. It's not about God becoming man and entering the world as a gift to humanity to save us from ourselves. If you wanted to celebrate that with gift-giving, you missed it by half a year. Give real gifts instead of candy for Easter. Make it a time of amazing gifts instead of just a less-fun Halloween. Because for those wanting to follow the Bible's plot, Easter is the holiday where an innocent God takes one for humanity. Christmas is the holiday where an innocent virgin takes one for God. Things I do NOT hate: Traditions. If they are organic. Nostalgia is real and anticipation is the best part of most major events. If I remember having a good time doing something last time, I might really enjoy looking forward to doing the same thing, the same way, again. But once it's not as fun as it used to be, I want to be able to change it up without making someone feel like they lost some token of the holiday they were grasping too tightly. No family Christmas traditions! We might end up doing the same things by chance, but let's not do it, just once, on purpose, just to make sure we're acting out of real desire and not laziness. Family time. This is the real point. If a tradition will bring the family together, that's worth it. Even if it's a bad tradition, it's better than not being and acting together. This is one of the reasons all those stupid religious traditions are so valuable: they bring people together and set expectations. They give people reasons and common language for interacting with each other. Holiday anything. Christmas music starts in August for me but I'm allowed to decorate for Christmas after the trick-or-treat traffic dies down, so even though I don't have much excitement about Halloween, October 31st is still a special day for me. Apple cinnamon scent should be used all year. Nothing would be more refreshing on a hot summer day than a cold piece of pumpkin pie with cool whip. We usually need a second Christmas tree because we buy them the day the lots open and they die before Christmas. The only thing I really think we need to limit is Christmas lights. I'm a small government guy and even I think it's reasonable to jail anyone displaying Christmas lights after Valentine's. WENDY RESPONDS: Oh boy...you have said a lot of things here. Hopefully we didn't lose anyone along the way! Also, I think the nostalgia and anticipation and family togetherness are why we do any of the family Christmas traditions we currently do...not because the calendar says we have to. At least for now, I'm pretty sure everyone in our house genuinely enjoys our family Christmas traditions, but I guess we will see how things change as the kids get older. I'm not into dragging people into activities they hate and trying to force them to have fun...at least not very often ;-) [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH5NKGS4sz0[/embed]

 Freezer Meals Click here to download the Freezer Meals Planning Worksheet Freezer meals have been saving us for years Until recently, Jamin's music studio and business were located in our living room. This meant we had clients coming in and out of our front door all day every day, and the kitchen was more or less off limits during business hours...which included dinner hour. It was during this season that I discovered freezer cooking, mostly because I was tired of eating frozen pizzas for dinner every night at 10:00 pm. We are so grateful these days to have a different studio setup. But I still love freezer meals! I'm totally sold on how batch cooking makes meal prep faster and cheaper; I'd much rather make a whole lot of something one time than make that same thing over and over again every time we eat it. And the best part is, having a stash of freezer meals means that I have a planned menu for each day, which eliminates the daily "what's for dinner?" decision. Resources are everywhere; find what works for you. For the first few years that I did freezer cooking, I had a Once a Month Meals membership. This was hugely helpful for introducing me to the concept of freezer cooking, and for finding recipes that worked well with bulk cooking and freezing! Their website did all the planning work for me, and provided helpful printables like shopping lists and labels for meals. The downside I found, though, was that almost all of the recipes were new for our family. This meant I was bulk cooking things my kids had never tasted before, and if your kids are anything like mine, you can probably imagine how that went down. We'd eat the first meal of the batch, several small noses would turn up, and I'd groan internally thinking about how many more of that same meal were in the freezer waiting to also be refused. Another drawback I found to the pre-made menu approach was that a lot of the menus involved fairly complex recipes. The menus came with step-by-step meal-prep day instructions, and I'd get to the end of my meal-prep day and still be on step 2 of 12. I think in the ideal scenario, their website suggested having a full day set aside for freezer cooking, minus kids and other interruptions. However, my scenario typically looked more like a few highly interrupted afternoon hours, which was just not enough. Over the years I found myself altering pre-made menus substantially, deleting meals I knew we'd hate, and substituting complicated recipes with more simple versions, which led me to just creating my own menus. I no longer do my cooking once a month either...a month is just too short! For awhile I did batch cooking once every twelve weeks, creating three menus and making each meal times four. That was a lot of meals and generally took me a few evenings to complete, but I loved how long it lasted. My current system has become much more streamlined. Since we started homeschooling, we follow a "six week on, one week off" school schedule, and I do my freezer meals on one of our break week days. I make one single menu that we will eat for the following six weeks; something like this: Mac'n'cheese Monday Taco Tuesday Bacon Cheeseburger Sliders Wednesday Leftovers Thursday Pad Thai Friday Turkey and Potatoes Saturday Soup Sunday The kids like to get involved with the menu planning, which sometimes leads to strictly alliterative or rhyming meals, but also helps insure that I'm planning meals they like. Since we'll be eating each meal on the menu six times, I want to be confident that I'm not going to have to battle small kiddos to eat said meal every single week. How to plan a simple freezer meal menu With freezer cooking, menu is really key.  Here are some significant things to watch for when you're planning which meals to include: I've found the batch cooking process to be much simpler and more inexpensive when I look for meals that have similar ingredients and/or processes. For example, if I'm planning to make tacos with ground beef, I'll try to include another recipe that also includes ground beef so I can buy bulk and complete the similar steps of those recipes at the same time. Since I know I'll be making each recipe times six, I typically will not do recipes that have long lists of ingredients or complicated steps. There are many easy prep recipes like marinades or slow cooker meals that only require adding all the ingredients to a ziploc bag before freezing. When I'm deciding on meals, I may choose one or two soups that involve cooking before freezing, but stick with minimal prep meals for the others. Having too many menu items that I'm going to have to fully cook or spend significant prep time on means that my bulk cooking day is going to take way too long. I try to keep my menus limited to recipes that I've made before so that I know we will like all the meals, and that they're all meals that freeze well. I've found that things like rice and pasta aren't quite the same after having been frozen, and veggies can be tricky to freeze well, so I prefer to add those items the day we eat them. If you're new to freezer cooking, a pre-made menu may be really helpful! It takes time to build up a good selection of recipes that work and that your family will enjoy. Look for recipes that are similar to things you already make. Experiment by trying the recipe just once before making it in bulk so you know whether it will be a win. If you have family favorites that you've not frozen before but want to try, I suggest playing with the recipe and trying it frozen one time before attempting it in bulk, until you're familiar with what does and doesn't freeze well. Here are some things that I've had good success with (find some actual recipes here on my Pinterest board!): Soups - chili, lentil soup, chicken noodle, curry, thai soup, etc. These recipes are usually the most work to prep but the easiest to serve since they're already cooked and only need to be heated For soups with noodles or rice, prep and freeze all but the pasta or rice and add  these just before serving If a soup calls for a large amount of broth, save space in the freezer by adding half of the broth on prep day and the other half just before serving Slow cooker meals – roasts, pulled pork, etc. Frozen meat can go straight from the freezer to the slow cooker! That makes these some of the easiest meals to prep. Just throw all the ingredients into a ziploc, freeze, and then dump into your slow cooker. There are loads of great freezer-to-slow cooker meals on Pinterest. Having a good slow cooker makes a really big difference! For years, I had one that ran really hot and it was difficult to keep food from being overcooked and dry. If you don't already have a slow cooker, do some research before buying to be sure you get a good one. Casseroles or pasta sauce Like soup, prepare without the pasta or rice, and add after thawing Unless the casserole is layered, I prefer freezing casserole ingredients in ziploc bags and then thawing and pouring the contents into a casserole dish before baking. Ziploc bags stack and store much smaller than gladware or similar containers, which helps when freezer space is at a premium. Already seasoned meat for tacos, salad,  burgers, etc. Marinades – stir fry, teriyaki, grilled chicken, etc. These are some of the easiest meals to prep because the ingredients are all dumped into a ziploc without cooking. However, they can be on the more time-consuming end to serve since they involve cooking the meat and typically any veggies that go with the meal. Marinating and thawing are all one step; it's helpful to put these meals in the fridge the night before you plan to serve them so they thaw slowly and marinate for awhile. Other helpful thoughts Label your ziploc bags before adding ingredients to them. Especially if a recipe is new to you, it helps to write the name and serving directions on the outside of the bag. That way you're not on Pinterest every Tuesday searching for that recipe to remember the oven temperature. Filling six open ziploc bags with multiple ingredients without spilling can be tricky to maneuver. These freezer bag holders are really handy for holding your ziplocs upright and open while you fill them. [caption id="attachment_676" align="alignnone" width="225"] Once meals are frozen, storing upright rather than stacked makes finding meals simpler.[/caption] Lay your filled bags flat in the freezer, trying to make each bag as flat as possible. Once your meals are frozen, the flat ziploc bags can be stacked on their side, which makes organizing and finding the meals you want a lot simpler. What about sides? In our current season, I add all veggies and sides just before serving. I do our shopping at Costco, and they have a super selection of bagged salads that we eat routinely, and pre-washed and cut veggies that are easy to throw in a steamer or in the oven to roast. I plan sides to go with each meal so I know what I'm shopping for each time, e.g., salads for Burger Wednesday or steamed green beans for Pad Thai Friday. My highest consideration in planning is whether I will be able to get the entire meal on the table in under fifteen minutes, but also of significance is whether I can prep all the pieces in my one prep day. Finding the balance to these two factors has taken some practice, but the pay-off has been well worth the investment. JAMIN RESPONDS: Okay - so I knew freezer cooking was a thing and I knew you cooked in batches, but I had no idea how involved and deliberate it was. I just thought you did a whole lot of cooking at once to save time and hassle...which would have made it a great idea on its own, but the thought and planning that you put into this is really impressive! Just another reason I think you're so awesome. I assume there are a ton more of these that I don't even know about that I'll get to discover. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RChMm-QNJHg

Using a Countdown for Family Christmas Projects Click here to download the free Christmas Countdown Advent Calendar FROM WENDY: Our Christmas Countdown Tradition We have been doing a Christmas countdown in some form since the oldest kiddos were barely big enough to count all the way to 25. This is one of my favorite Christmas traditions with the kids because of the anticipation it creates, but also because of the ability to incorporate new ideas in with old favorites. There are endless genius, adorable advent calendar creations on Pinterest. Years ago I bought a set of small white favor boxes that I labeled with numbers 1 to 25. I fill each box with Hershey Kisses for each member of the family, and use clothespins to clip to a heavy duty clothesline or strong strand of garland. We used to hang the garland across the mantel of the fireplace, but since we don't have a mantel these days, we currently stack the boxes on a counter in the playroom. Before the 1st of December each year, I plot out the activities that I want to incorporate into our Christmas celebration that year. While early years were more about just having fun together, this year I wanted to shift the focus to activities that focus on kindness, gratitude and reflection. Also, since this is our first year homeschooling, I wanted to use the activities during our morning circle time, so a number of them involve more learning opportunities than activities we've use in prior years. Our Christmas countdown is attached below so you can use it for your family. The cards are all undated so you can tailor it to your family's schedule, and there are a few more than 25 so you can choose the ones that fit you best. When planning, I always look ahead on the calendar to feel out what days will work best for each activity. I also don't make up days if we start late or happen to miss one. Sometimes this means we miss out on something fun. But I would so much rather miss out than turn what was supposed to be fun into a pressure-filled to do list! My hope is that we can inspire an atmosphere of celebration and gratitude, and enjoy one another and the season. Here's what we are doing this year: Sharing with others  Take freshly baked cookies to neighbors Make a Thank You basket - put a basket with thank you cards in a central location. Think of ways to express gratitude to friends and family, and spend time writing messages of thanks. Make cards for hospitalized children or seniors in a local nursing home. Make a "gifts we have" list - in a prominent place in the house, brainstorm a list of gifts we already have an are grateful for, such as family, friends, food, home, etc. Make a cookie or cocoa mix-in-a-jar or other homemade gift to give to teachers at church, friends, etc. Go outdoors Go on a winter hunt looking for signs of winter String a garland with popcorn and cranberries and hang it on the tree outside for the birds Make ornaments from twigs, berries, or other items you find on your winter hunt Build a snowman - if you don't have snow where you live, build one out of playdough! Go ice skating Play with ice treasures  - fill each hole of an ice cube tray with a small button, bead, or prize item. Fill with water and freeze, then use spray bottles or other tools to "excavate" the treasures from the ice Learn the history behind Christmas traditions Why we put up trees Why we put up wreaths Why we put up stockings and exchange gifts Why we eat candy canes Why we eat gingerbread Why we sing Christmas carols The history of Santa Why we exchange Christmas cards Other seasonal favorites  Cut paper snowflakes to decorate the windows Make gingerbread men or houses Make homemade cocoa and cider Make a new puzzle together Play a new board game together Watch a new Christmas movie Learn a new Christmas song Read a new Christmas book Attend a Christmas program or event Here are my favorites sources for new ideas when making a new years' countdown: NourishingJoy.com has a completely service-oriented advent calendar KCEdventures.com and AdrielBooker.com both have superb exhaustive lists of several different types of activities that I refer to when I'm needing new inspiration I've found a number of nature or play-inspired ideas in the preschool curriculum we use, A Year of Playing Skillfully I pray you enjoy a blessed season with your kiddos! JAMIN RESPONDS: So many great ideas! I can't wait to watch this happen, knowing it's happening! FROM JAMIN: tldr: I Didn't Even Know This Happened Each Year! I knew we had a countdown, but I just thought it was a fun way to keep the kids from pestering us about how many days until Christmas.  I figured the boxes had candy or a little prizes in them. But, as usual, Wendy's been doing this amazing, awesome thing with the kids without needing any input from me.   I'm going to be paying attention this year and hopefully have more input next time around. This is a really cool set of ideas! WENDY RESPONDS: So funny, I didn't realize you didn't know. We will have fun including you this year ;-) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M77YpZkZNbM

Christmas Shopping for a Large Family FROM WENDY: This post should actually probably be called NOT shopping for a large family... We are pretty minimalist when it comes to Christmas, or even when it comes to toys in general. We have several bodies in our not-super-large home, and there is not a lot of room for stuff! At some point pretty early on, I made the "we will only have as many toys as will fit in these cubbies" rule, and established regular toy-purging times in our year to ensure that things stay pared down to non-crazy levels. A few years ago, we came home from Christmas with an overwhelming van-full of gifts from generous friends and family. A friend gave us this great idea to only let the kids unpackage one new item a day so that they would actually spend time playing with and getting to appreciate each one. This was an awesome solution to  the kids having so many toys that they didn't actually have any idea what all they got. The kids each opened one new thing each day...for nearly a full month! That's a lot of stuff! And while it was fun and exciting for that month, after the newness faded, it was just that...stuff. Filling up every corner of our house. And eventually making it's way to a donation bag. Since then, we've made an express effort to approach Christmas with a much more minimalist mindset, and have sought to make Christmas in our home more about the experiences we can share and the memories we can make. We don't buy our kids gifts One of our very favorite traditions is our homemade gift exchange. We don't purchase toys for our kids, but instead the kids make gifts for each other. We do it Secret Santa style, drawing names usually a day or two after Thanksgiving. I sit down with each of the kiddos and brainstorm some ideas of gifts that 1) they think their sibling would enjoy, and 2) they would be able to make or help make. At this point, our kids are still pretty young, so we keep the projects relatively simple, such as adding stickers to decorate a bin for special Legos, or painting modpodge over cutout paper to turn a pie plate into a Captain America shield. They get an immense amount of joy out of the process of choosing and creating a gift, and keeping it a surprise until Christmas. And as parent, I love so much that the anticipation of the season is revolving around what they are giving rather than what they are hoping to get. Here are some more of the homemade gifts we've done in the past: 1.  Paint Your Own Ceramic Tea Set - brother painted the teapot for sister and gave her paints so she could decorate the cups and plates 2. Baby Doll Moby Wrap - big sister sewed a straight line attaching two pieces of fabric  to make a long wrap for little sister to carry her baby dolls 3. Homemade Playdough with Toys - big sister helped me make batches of different colored playdough to give with a new set of playdough toys 4. Earring Holder - brother helped me remove the glass from a 5x7 picture frame and replace it with burlap, then decorate with gems and ribbon to make an earring holder for big sister Focus on Experiences With our friends and family, we endeavor to focus on experiences together for the holidays rather than gifts. We would so much rather fill our lives with great memories of times that we've spent with people we love than fill our house! Wherever possible, we look for ways to invite others along with us on an adventure as a substitution for a gift exchange. We've done big adventures, like Disneyland and snow trips. We've also done small adventures, like planning games and projects for the kids to do together during the time they would otherwise have been opening presents. These have been some of our favorite Christmases, and at the end of the day, not one of the kids seemed to notice that there wasn't a huge pile of toys coming home with us. We recognize that our approach to gift-giving with our kids is unique, and not everyone feels the need to treat Christmas the same way we do. Some people really enjoy choosing the perfect gift, and seeing the kids light up when they open a favorite item. We are not trying to steal that joy from anyone, or force other families into our crazy-minimalist-large-family (is that a thing?) way of doing things. When everyone else in the family/play-group/etc. is really wanting to do gifts, it helps to meet in the middle. Suggest a more minimal gift-giving strategy, such as Secret Santa or White Elephant exchange, so that each person is only buying and receiving one thing. Set low dollar amounts and establish themes for gifts (homemade items, books, games, etc.) so that the experience, not the gift, becomes the focus. Remember that the goal is not abolishing gifts, or even cutting costs, but rather creating memories and cultivating in our kids a different mentality about Christmas. When you need a list As I said before, sometimes you do need a list for that grandparentperson who really enjoys shopping for the kids. (In all fairness, I most certainly will be that grandparent some day!) When that is the case, there are definitely some toys that will make the list, and others that I know would not be a good fit in the minimal storage space we have. While I know my son would love one of those glorious three-foot-tall Paw Patrol lookout playsets with all the vehicles and characters, I also know that finding a place for that in our playroom would cause me a ridiculous amount of grief. So here are some things that make the cut when the kids ask to put them on their Christmas list:  Building sets such as Legos, duplo, foam blocks, magnatiles, etc. These kinds of toys get played with more than anything else in our house. And not just by the boys. The reason is  that they are multi-functional...a set of foam blocks just as easily can become a castle for some princess figures as it can become a garage for the matchbox cars. Toys that provide for open-ended, creative play are always a win. Pretend play items such as play food, dishes, and a cash register. Along the same lines as the building sets...these toys stick around because of the type of elaborate creative play they inspire. Maybe it's because we have a lot of girls, but our kids will spend hours playing bake shop, restaurant, grocery store...the cash register has even become a library kiosk. Throw in some play dough, and my kiddos are happily baking and selling cakes all day. Dolls or action figures (Paw Patrols and princesses are our current favorites). More creative or dramatic play. But be careful with this one...getting the figures is not the same as getting the gigantic playsets. Hobby-related items, such as sports equipment or musical instruments, or educational items like books, puzzles, and board games. JAMIN RESPONDS: You cheated by writing this after we recorded the podcast and YouTube episodes.  Still, those homemade gifts the kids give each other are so fantastic, and to watch them get excited about what they're going to give is the most wholesome sight in the world! FROM JAMIN: tldr: Shop for events, not stuff. One toy comes in, one toy goes out. I've already expressed my views on gifts and traditions, so I won't belabor that here. This is a different rant. We don't have a lot of money, so by having six kids we made a conscious choice with real-world consequences. Each additional child we have takes something away from the older siblings, and from the two of us, not just in time and effort, but in money: even with good money management, We're not going to Hawaii any time soon. We aren't taking the family out to eat at a real restaurant. We aren't able to save or donate as much as we would like, and we won't be paying for our kids' college tuition (hopefully that idiotic institution will have finally died by then anyway!). I could have a lot more great stuff in my life if I didn't have so many kids! But there is nothing that I could buy with my money that would bring me greater fulfillment and joy than the measly little 1/4 million dollars each of them will drain from my accounts before they move out. And there is no institution I can start or cause I can support that will be more likely to bring good into the world than shepherding six new healthy families. These are real people that I can really affect; 100% of my donation goes directly to the families with no overhead or administrative costs. So we've definitely chosen more family over more stuff. "Minimalist" might be an overstatement (understatement? ...we have lots of stuff by any world standard), but I would gladly trade more stuff for more time or more family, when given the clear choice. Christmas brings that into sharp focus: I don't want more stuff. Additionally, I'm starved for time. Today is the youngest my kids will ever be. And I'm dying any day now. I need time. If I've got $50 to spend on fun for the kids, I'd rather use it to hire someone to clean the house or mow the lawn so I can spend that time playing checkers with the kids. Or jumping on the trampoline. Or baking cookies. Experiences are valuable. Stuff is crap, and we have too much of it already. We need to send one toy out of the house for each one that comes in - if the new toy isn't better than the worst toy we already have, why is it coming into the house? That's the reason I hate toys for the kids. Unless the gift is an experience, it's going to take away from the humanity of the family instead of adding to it. If it will create a memory or bond us together, great! If it will help us mentally rank ourselves higher than someone else, giving us a new echelon of peers to try to compete with, it's making us worse people. And it's likely going to end up at Goodwill anyway, but only after it's brought us some joy, followed by enough frustration that we're willing to give it away for free to get the nuisance out of our lives. So what should we invest in for the kids? Memberships, shows, gas money/trips, time off work, outsourcing work, games, experiences. Or the same for others: If we pay for a babysitter for some of the kids, could we do something special with the others? If we buy a ticket for a friend, could they join us at a place we already have memberships? How can we increase the amount or degree of relationship and human connectivity in our lives? That's where I want to spend my money. Don't get me wrong...I still hate strangers and I don't want to be in any social situation that has prescribed rituals or ceremony for the sake of tradition, but being real with other humans is all we have for this wisp of a breath on the planet. Everything else is just costumes and make-believe. WENDY RESPONDS: I thought the reason we didn't go to restaurants was that toddlers in restaurants are terrifying and stressful. Your opinions are pretty clear here, and I agree with them...but I don't feel like you're offering much practical help. Wasn't this supposed to be a shopping guide? However, I do really love the idea of hiring someone else to clean the house while I go jump on the trampoline with the kids...I'll be using that one. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2eKz6iXUGA

The Puppy Search Is On! We screwed up! Have you ever heard of the fog of war? Any good counselor will tell you that sometimes crazy decisions make more sense in the heat of the moment. In the pressure of trying to sell the idea of the last baby to our kids, we did what no good parents should ever do: we promised our kids a puppy. It's long overdue now and the pressure is only mounting. So the puppy search has begun. Sadly, we used to have a dog we loved. A dog like we used to have would be perfect in our home. His name was Bentley and he was the most gentle, fun-loving puppy ever! I know you think yours is, but you're wrong. Bentley was...is! He's still alive. We gave him away when we realized he was going to live out a happier life where he got more attention.  He now has a puppy friend he lives with and we are probably just a sad, neglectful, boring memory to him. Wendy's not looking forward to the potty training. I'm not looking forward to the poop on the floor. We're both hoping for a Morkie, but the price range seems way to steep for our pocket book. So we're scouring the shelters and hoping for the best: only dogs that are good with kids. There will be ear tugging. There will be tail pulling. We need a dog that is either nice enough to not mind or smart enough to avoid the smallest humans in our house. It will probably all work out just fine, but to all you dog owners who think that your puppy is kind of like having kids: this is finally your vindication. This family of 6 kids, 8 years old and younger is terrified of this new bundle of joy entering our lives. But also - you're crazy. Your dumb mutt is nothing like my priceless kids. We're now in the hopefully-merciful hands of the pet gods. Please look kindly upon our estate and grace us with your blessings and not your doodoo. Probably a lot more to come...stay tuned to this section of the site... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJ9PPvlSN7Q

How We Answered "Should I Have Another Baby?" FROM WENDY: I have actually asked Google this question more than once. I know, I know, we have a lot of kids. Why am I asking, right? But it never fails, baby fever hits one of the two of us when the smallest person in our house is somewhere between three and six months old. The "should we have another baby?" conversations start again, and the decision feels monumental. At this point, we don't agonize nearly as much as we used to. I fully acknowledge that this could be because we've lost our minds. However, I like to think it's because we've realized some really awesome effects of having a lot of kids...or even just one more. So if you're asking the question, "Should I have another baby?", here's why I think the answer should (almost always) be yes. Multiple kids entertain and teach each other If you currently have one kiddo and are wondering how you'll keep up with another, go ahead and put that fear to rest. Siblings are by far the best form of entertainment in town. The amount of time you have to spend entertaining children decreases with every child you have. This is even more true if the children are close in age. There is always a buddy (or two, or three...) to play with. The more people there are in the house, the greater the likelihood you are going to find someone who wants to play the same game as you do.  Also, siblings are way more fun to play with than parents, and get tired of the game much less quickly. Plus, multiple kids learn so much from each other. The older kids have an influence and authority with the younger kids that is tremendously different from parental authority. The littles enjoy learning from the bigs as if it's part of a game, and our kiddos have taught each other awesome things like how to write their names or how to put away their laundry. Having multiple children often means there are some things you only have to teach once. 1+1 doesn't always equal 2 Along those same lines, there will also be many things you'll only have to purchase once. Unless you're having multiple children at the same time, the cost of a second baby is not going to be nearly as much as the first was, because you're able to reuse baby furniture, equipment, clothes, etc.  While it is true that there are things that have to be paid per child (like soccer team fees or college tuition), there are tons of things that don't! As a family of 8, we get lots more mileage out of things like family memberships and hand-me-down shoes. When considering the cost of having another baby, just recognize that the cost of the baby #2 is not going to be equal to that of baby #1. You are capable of more One question I get asked constantly as a mom of six is, "How do you do it? I'm sure I couldn't handle six kids." Here's the thing, though: I didn't have six kids. I just had one more, and then one more, and then...you guessed it. Like the frog in the boiling water, when you continue to add to your family, you slowly adjust your perspective and increase your capacities. I remember being terrified of two kids. Our first two babies were born a year apart, and the thought of having a baby when I already had a baby was so intimidating. Taking one baby grocery shopping felt overwhelming, so I had no idea how I would ever leave my house again when I had two. But Baby #2 arrived, and I figured it out. My response to the above question is almost always, "You do what you have to do," and it's true! There have been seasons that have been difficult for sure. But looking back, I recognize that it was in the difficult seasons that growth really happened, and that I was able to conquer things that initially seemed insurmountable. As moms, we need to know that we are capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for! Life lessons are built in The life lessons that kids learn as a byproduct of having siblings are invaluable. There is nothing that will teach a toddler how to share like having the 24/7 exercise of sharing toys with the brother who's a year older. Not to mention the practice in patience they will gain as they daily learn to wait their turn for mom while she cares for the newborn baby. Siblings are guaranteed to have regular disagreements in which they'll have the opportunity to try out conflict resolution and problem solving strategies. One thing we've been consistently impressed by is how much growth is produced in each of our children when they become an older sibling. Sibling relationships are the best! I adore my children individually. But there is a whole other level of precious-ness you discover when you watch your children love and bond with each other. And each new baby adds another depth of dimension to the sibling dynamics and relationships. The older ones care for and dote on the little ones. The little ones admire and look up to the big ones. The boys look adoringly at the girls and tell them they're beautiful, or the girls are genuinely impressed by how strong the boys are, and your heart completely melts. They read books together, spend hours engrossed in an imaginary game, and spontaneously give each other kisses, and you can't fathom the tapestry of your family without the richness of the relationships of each with the other. JAMIN RESPONDS: All agreed, but you just left a bunch of reasons out.  But really, people - the charade of this whole post is ridiculous! Anyone coming to us to hear what we think about having another kid already desperately wants another kid and is just in denial about it. No one is going to the Toyota dealership asking if it's time to buy a new car or asking a timeshare salesman the best way to vacation.  If your wife is reading this post, it's time to buy another car seat, man.  You're having a baby. Don't worry.  You'll love it.  It will be great. FROM JAMIN: tldr: yes That's the wrong question. It's crazy to me that this is the way this question gets asked. It shouldn't be "Should I have another baby?" it should be "Should I stop having babies?" So I'm going to answer that one because it's a better question. But first, a few reasons kids are the best: 1 - Perspective changing. This is really all of them. Everything that follows is some variation on this theme. 2 - Marriage. We used to fight about stuff. Dumb stuff. We looked out for ourselves. Now we look out for the kids. And then...OH!!...this is what it feels like to serve another human being. Suddenly the marriage is better too, now that we're better at not looking out just for ourselves. 3 - Fulfillment. Either because Darwin says I'm only here to pass on my genes or because God says we're supposed to 'be fruitful and multiply', everyone agrees: babies are the most important game in town. 4 - More kids is way better. True, this is prejudicial. Not everyone feels this way, but having several younger siblings does so much for the maturity of older kids! They learn so many important skills. And they learn everything better. The best way to learn something is to teach it, and with a bunch of younger siblings, there is an ever-present classroom of little people eager to learn. Plus, when there are a bunch of babies around, the older kids learn earlier that they're not the most important things in the universe and that they can, indeed, wait for what they need. I'm not just ignoring them - there are actual higher priorities and they can see that to be true. This also pushes them to be more resourceful sooner. I CAN get you a sippy cup in a few minutes after I put the baby to sleep...OR...you can try to get your own sippy cup right now. It's a little messier, but they learn to take care of the things they really don't want to wait for. 5 - More kids is way better. Still prejudicial. Having several older siblings does so much for the development of the younger kids. We have a culture and the older kids help perpetuate it. When I tell the kids to do something, it feels way different from when another kid tells them to do it. The little people might obey my instructions, but they absorb sibling instructions. When I say "Let's put on your shoes so we can go," it's seen as a request for obedience. When an older sibling says, "Let's put on your shoes so we can go," it's seen as an opportunity for an adventure. Plus, the older kid gets double experience tying shoes! The herd is easier to move than the individuals, so when it's time to move, we grab a couple big kids and the rest naturally move with the group. It's subconscious obedience. When there's just a couple kids and we say, "It's time to go," there's more of an opportunity to fight the instruction. 6 - More kids is way better. This one is just a fact. Especially for controlling parents like me, having more kids than I can micro-manage is really good for them. They have so much more freedom to explore and succeed and fail on their own than if I were there to help them make all the best, most efficient decisions all the time. They get to screw up and get away with it. Of course, there are degrees of appropriate intervention here.  For some parents, this might be a really negative thing, but I'm sure if I had fewer kids I would have to fight the urge to sterilize their lives to an unhealthy degree. But we'll see...check back in with me when they're experimenting with drugs and have a their first baby at 15 and see if I've changed my mind on this one. Now the Cons List: This is a combination of reasons I think we should stop having babies, bad excuses for not having kids, and some terrible reasons I've heard for having kids. Do NOT: 1 - Have kids to save the marriage. The whole point is that kids are the focus once they're around. To bring someone into your life to make your life better without compensating them I believe is either called 'torture' or 'slavery' or both. Kids for the sake of the marriage will almost surely destroy both. 2 - Wait to have kids until you're 'ready'. Not even really sure what this means. Like don't diet until you're skinny enough? Don't bathe until you're clean enough? They make you ready. There's no way to practice. Jump in. And let the change wash over you. Like a refreshing waterfall and a kick in the face. Just depends on the day. 3 - Wait until you can afford them. No one can afford them. They're a huge waste of money. The finances will never make sense. Also, you'll always find the money. You can make more money. You know what you can't make? More youth. More time. God and nature wanted babies to start happening young and keep happening frequently for a reason. Time is not fungible, money is. Don't waste what you can't get back saving up what you could. 4 - Afraid to adopt. It seems reasonable to fear that the connection won't be the same with adopted kids as it would with 'your own.' Out of the...dozens?...of friends I've talked to who adopted, every single one has debunked that fear.  Hopefully we will adopt a couple of our own soon. Our foster care system sucks! No matter how terrible a family I provide, it will likely be heaven compared to what they'll get in the system. 5 - Have kids if you feel like you shouldn't. Like marriage, kids are a terrible, terrible idea unless you just can't help yourself. No pros and cons list is going to outweigh your gut. 6 - Be over-run by fear. I'm afraid...I'll be as bad as my parents...I won't be a good parent...I don't know how to do it right...I might ruin them...I won't be able to [current activity...[infinite list of fears. Every good parent has all these fears. You'll be fine. Or not. You might be terrible, but so were your parents, and you found a way to manage, right? You'll do better than that because you have those fears, and it doesn't seem they did. It's only been since 1960 that you had a choice in the matter (thanks to Katherine McCormick for her work in contraceptives!)  Before that, the universe thought everyone should be a parent. As it turns out, the universe was wrong. But not that wrong. Good parenting is available to everyone who is selfless enough to pursue it. You got this. 7 - Have more kids just because you like all the rest of them so far. I'm really not sure where the flaw in this logic is. We like all our kids and I'm sure we'd like the next one too. Seems like one more would be great! But I can't find the brakes on this thing. With this line of reasoning, I don't know what keeps us from having a circus-worthy number of kids. (I hear ya - you already think we're circus-worthy.) So maybe this is a great reason to keep having kids!? 8 - Have kids for what they're going to do for you. Had 4 girls but really hoping for a boy this time? Had 2 kids and favorite number is 3? Have 3 kids but want to have more than your sister who also has 3? Have 1 and your mother-in-law said you couldn't handle 2?  Whatever role is assigned to that kid before they enter the world will be the Sisyphean weight that will destroy so much joy, not to mention, the chances that they will actually fill the role to your satisfaction is basically zero.  If there are any conditions for what having this kid is going to have to do for you, just walk away. WENDY RESPONDS: Sounds like we agree, we should keep on having more kids! Oh wait, there is one more con...pregnancy. Never mind, six is good ;) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLHHRmebKOA

Christmas Gifts and A Gift Guide for Him Click here to download the free Gift Guide for Him worksheet FROM WENDY: Full Disclosure: I Don't Buy My Husband Christmas Gifts Jamin is a super non-traditionalist (is that a word?) and does not like doing things that people do just because it's what we do. That includes gift-giving on particular days. This is why the kids and I are banned from making or buying any gifts for Papa for Christmas, Father's Day, his birthday...you get the idea. The kids are still figuring this out, and are more than a little confused as to why he wouldn't want something special for Christmas. They'll get there. Maybe. What is allowed are random "just because I love you and was thinking about you" surprises. (Don't tell Jamin, but I have had a kid get a present for Papa around his birthday because they really really wanted to, and then just save it for a different day. Some kids are just really into giving birthday gifts.) So I guess you could call this a Random I Love You Day Gift Guide. Either way, having limited experience in this field, I'm not going to be super helpful, but I do have a couple rules I stick to when deciding if a certain surprise will make a good gift. Rule One: Anything the kids make or think up themselves is a win. A painted coffee mug that says, "I love Papa" will get used way more often than the Mickey Mouse mug we got in Disneyland. Rule Two: Note things he typically spends extra time or money on. We often pick up Cherry Nibs when we're at the one store that sells them because it's Papa's favorite. I also will watch for deals on tickets for events that Jamin could take one or more of the kids to, since he likes to spend his free time on adventures with the family. Rule Three: I don't have a rule three. Seriously, two rules is all I got. Jamin's gonna be way more help in this department ;-) JAMIN RESPONDS: Beware the mug idea!  I like mugs.  I don't want to have to use a lame one.  December 10th, 2008 you gave me NBA 2k09. Total surprise.  Still remember it.  That was the best.  Actually, I probably have the year and the game wrong, but it was the first time I remember you having the guts to not give me a gift on a holiday.  I knew we would be together forever.  Seriously, though - it does a lot for our relationship that you're willing to love me in the way I best receive it instead of the way you think would be safest or most convenient. FROM JAMIN: tldr: Gift Guide for Him? c'mon...you already know...amirite? For me? Nothing. I don't ever want a present on a holiday. Never give me something when the calendar says it's time to give me something. Not Father's Day or my birthday or Christmas or anything. Or at least put in the card, "I wouldn't have gotten you something, but I knew I'd feel guilty if I didn't, so this gift is really a gift to myself. Thanks for helping with my conscience." Then I'll take whatever you want to buy me, but we agree on what's happening here. The only exception is earned events like graduation or unexpected events, like the passing of a loved one. But even then, don't bring it to the funeral/wake or the graduation party. Give it to me before or after...LONG before or after. But I do love gifts any other time of year! And, as you might imagine, I have strong feelings about what kinds of gifts are good. Too many gifts cost me more than they benefit me. Here are my guidelines for giving gifts to a heartless scrooge like me: *Don't spend my money without my input We've been poor. We're still not out of the woods, and some months are downright scary. I imagine if we made a whole lot more money, I wouldn't mind it if my wife bought me a car or a computer or a phone. But not now. As long as we need regular conversations about which bills we're paying when, don't burden me with a thoughtful spending spree that is going to stress me out later. Unless it's money that you saved up secretly, and even then, I might end up being upset that you let us limp along when you had a secret stash this whole time. *Don't try to get me something I'd really like by getting me something from my hobbies/profession that you don't know anything about. And don't get advice from your friends. The fact that your friend's husband also has the same hobby, and he really liked this version of this thing doesn't mean you have insider information about my hobby. If you're not sure it's a winner on your own authority, it's a real gamble whether I'm going to love it or hate it. It doesn't make me feel closer to you that you tried and failed to get me something from a domain you don't know anything about, and now I have to try not to resent you every time I have to use your gift even though I really don't want one in my life. If you really liked my hobbies, you would do them. So it doesn't make me feel like you're more 'involved' with my life that you recognized I have a hobby and you found something related to it, any more than if I bought a tall guy a basketball or a black guy a rap album or a woman some tampons. See? I noticed something obvious about you and bought you an unusable related gift! Now use it and love me. *Don't 'personalize' something for me that I'm supposed to use. They are almost always crappy versions of the thing, so now I am obligated to use an inferior [coffee mug, hammer, guitar pick, whatever because you personalized it. Hopefully it will break soon so I'll have a good excuse to use a quality version of that thing. *Don't make me pay for it in other ways If you're going to fold my laundry for a month, don't neglect cleaning the kitchen (or whatever responsibilities were in your domain). Don't cook me a meal and leave the dishes out. Don't stay up so late working on a gift for me that you're too tired to fool around. Okay, now to the actual list. If I've already hinted at something I like, forget the following list. Get me that. If I said that I wanted something and you're the kind of person who paid attention and got if for me, forget the following list. You already won. Just don't pin your hopes on me. If it was an off-handed remark about something that I don't even remember wanting, don't put that on me. Otherwise, pick one of the following things or give me the choice of one of a few things you'd like to give me... Budgeted Hobbies ...and tell me where we're making room in the budget. With this gift, I can do the stuff I want to without feeling guilty about taking the money out of the budget: *Golf - golf is stupid. I hate golf. But for my friends who like it, some kind of membership or passes would be great. *Indoor soccer membership or passes. Now here's an actual sport. That's probably why it's fun and not stupid like golf. *Shooting range. Ammo and range certificates. Except I am really set on ammo at the moment... *Flying lessons so I can finish my pilot's license. Better versions or more of what I already use ...or new ones if mine are worn out. If I already use it and don't have a better one, it's because I was saving that money for the family. Upgrade something I use all the time and I'll think of you every time I use it. This is the safest gift, and maybe the best: *Phone. I'm still on 5th gen iPhone. Hopefully not by the time you read this. *Upgraded Audible account. I'd love to get an extra audiobook or two each month. *48-pack of zero calorie Rock Stars. I usually only drink them occasionally, but now I can have one whenever I want, guilt-free. Plus, I'll probably have more energy to wash the dishes faster. *Check my Amazon wish list and "saved for later" in my cart. *In-app purchases. I could use more keys in Rocket League to open the crates we earn when we play. *Collector's boxed set of Newsradio, the best show ever made, would also be an upgrade of what I have. I just don't know where I would play a DVD. But for a lot of guys, the upgraded version of their favorite media would be super cool. *Hobby-related apparel.  Usually shoes would be too utilitarian to be an exciting gift, but when my indoor soccer shoes are worn down, new ones would be really cool. Just be careful in case I was planning to get a different kind when these finally really died. Tools I don't want these since I already have them, but they were the best tools for the money: *Impact driver. No! This is definitely not the same as a powered screwdriver or a drill. The "impact" part makes it so a noodle-armed guy like me can drive a 5-inch screw through a board in seconds. I feel very strong with this tool. I only recently broke down and bought this with the studio remodel and realized that all the years I spent with a regular, cheaper drill were wasted years of my life. *Pokey tools. I don't know what they are supposed to be used for, but these are the most used tools in the tool box. They get used almost daily for all kinds of jobs! (I just learned their official name is "picks" and "hooks", but "pokey tools" seems just as good a name to me.) *Magnetic stud finder. The yellow one with the earth magnets. Long story short: regular stud finders try to find dense parts of the wall that probably have studs. This finds the screws or nails that were used to hang the drywall on the studs, so you know there is definitely a stud right there. Artsy. If you wanna go homemade: *Planned 'relations'. Just please don't make me turn in cute cards or ask for stuff. Just tell me that you've got stuff planned then go for it. *Anything the kids made, as long as you didn't tell them to make it or what to write. One of my favorite cards is from my daughter that says, "I love you! You are the best Papa ever and every day your learning to be better and better."  I loved it so much I didn't even fix the misuse of 'your'. *Anything related to family day. This is where the other rules don't apply. A sucky home-made bag is more than a sucky homemade bag when it's the family day picnic bag. A terrible personalized mug is use-able if it's just the one I use when I take the kids on Papa Days. WENDY RESPONDS: Well, I know what I'm doing on January 23rd. Seriously, this is a great guide, and not just for husbands! I think these are probably pretty solid gift-giving guidelines for any of the difficult-to-shop-for people on the list. So, thanks for helping me with my Christmas gift planning :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztTZFSRFHjg

All Our Favorite Books, Podcasts and Audiobooks FROM WENDY: Much of my recent reading has been on the topic of homeschooling... ...as that has been my most recent endeavor. My top reads came highly recommended by multiple homeschooling friends and podcasts: Teaching from Rest: A Homeschooler’s Guide to Unshakeable Peace This is an absolute must-read if you have been or are starting homeschooling. Sarah Mackenzie has six children and understands the stresses associated with raising and educating kids! She offers so much wisdom and practical insight into bringing peace into your homeschool. Mere Motherhood This one’s by Cindy Rollins, another mom of many. Cindy has nine grown children whom she homeschooled. Her book is more of a memoir than a how-to, but it so encouraging to hear the ups and downs they experienced together and the wisdom she gained along the way. Educating the Whole-Hearted Child I must say that I have had really mixed feelings about this book. The authors, Clay and Sally Clarkson, are far more dogmatic about homeschooling than I am comfortable with. I skipped over a lot of the philosophy section of their book because I couldn't keep my eyes from rolling. However, I do really like and use many of their practices. Their approach to educating out of real-life and real-language experiences makes homeschooling simple and engaging. Books Not About Homeschooling You and Me Forever Francis and Lisa Chan talk about marriage and family in light of eternity. They offer great perspective on the impact that having a eternal outlook can have on your relationships family culture. Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge John Eldridge is the author of Wild at Heart, and Captivating is the female counterpart. They address the lies that we tell ourselves as women, and the things we believe about ourselves, challenging women to see themselves through Jesus' eyes. I am grateful that I read this during a pivotal time in my young adulthood. Books I Can’t Wait to Read to My Kids Little Women I sometimes feel as if I live in this book. The way my children play and imagine together, the on-going elaborate productions they put on in my living room, and the sweet, relationships they've formed with one another is so reminiscent of this story of four sisters and their friends. Anne of Green Gables We named one of our daughters after this book, sooo.... This book and the seven others in the series were hands-down my childhood favorite. I read the series several times through, and can't wait to read it with any of my children that are willing to listen. Pride and Prejudice I just really love this book. Anything by Jane Austen, really. I’ve read this one so many times my copy is in pieces, and have written a ridiculous number of college essays on it. However, I think we’re probably more than a few years away from being ready for this as a read aloud. And I’m pretty sure I’m going to have a hard time selling it to the boys. ;) Podcasts Like my reading, my podcasting is pretty much all homeschool stuff right now. In fact, homeschooling was what got me in to podcasting. This isn't the complete list, just the ones that have stuck in my list for a good long time. Homeschool Snapshots This was the first podcast I listened to when we made the decision to homeschool. Pam Barnhill does a superb job of introducing homeschoolers to all the best homeschool blogs and resources on the internet. Read Aloud Revival This is Sarah Mackenzie's podcast, and is just as awesome as her book. Sarah and her many guests discuss the values of reading aloud, share amazing book lists, and address many of the practicalities of reading aloud with children of all ages. Homeschooling in Real Life Kendra and Andy Fletcher talk about topics that other homeschoolers may not cover. I appreciate their super honest approach to real life concerns and topics. What I really love about the Fletchers is their consistent reminders not to put your hope for your children in homeschooling or specific methodologies or parenting approaches, but instead to put your hope in Jesus! JAMIN RESPONDS: Have I mentioned how much I love Pam Barnhill? :) I'm glad you're into the things you are and I hope we help some others as much as they have helped us through you. FROM JAMIN: tldr: Neurology. Religion. Libertarianism. Read the show notes for podcasts, bibliographies for books. Finally! My wheelhouse! It's not uncommon for me to listen to 10 hours or more of podcasts (I listen on double speed) and audiobooks (2.5 speed) in a day. My list of favorites is long and ever-changing, so I'll try to not include any recent reads and just include my favorites that have endured from the past (in no particular order): Authors Who I Read Everything They Write: - Oliver Sacks: Dead now. He's an amazing story-teller whose profession happened to be in medicine, especially neurology. But I have a feeling whatever line of work he ended up in I would have read it. He's the doctor played by Robin Williams in Awakenings (no, that's not the same as Patch Adams). Entertaining, and perspective-changing as a bonus, since a lot of it is about how the brain works. Specific recommendations: The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat, Musicophilia, An Anthropologist On Mars - Sam Harris: Just because I know a lot of our audience is Christian, I want to point out that this guy is one of the leading evangelistic (preachy) atheists of the past decade or so. Not a set of books you'll be happy you read with your kids or shared with your fellow congregants.  Not vulgar, just very anti-religious. That said, he is one of the most practical and reasonable thinkers I consume, and his insights have made this religious person a better man.  As a quick example: he has an entire book about how free will is an illusion. I read it and couldn't disagree more, but considering his perspective has made me a more compassionate person and shifted my views away from certain types of punishments. By education, he's a neuroscientist, but then he had some success as an author, and then real success as a podcaster. I wouldn't want to hang out with him, and I'll never be as smart as him. He's a leading force against Islamism from a practical standpoint, and has been in the middle of those controversies for years now, so that comes up a lot, but Sam Harris on nearly any topic is going to expand your mind.  His single fault may be his obsession with hating the current occupant of the Oval Office. Specific recommendations: End of Faith, Free Will - Penn Jillette: Also super atheist and super Libertarian, but less evangelistic, more vulgar, and way more entertaining. In fact, only entertaining. But I feel like I'd really get along with him. I don't agree with a lot of what he says, but I love how he says it! Specific recommendations:  Every Day Is an Atheist Holiday, God, No!: Signs You May Already Be an Atheist and Other Magical Tales - Christopher Hitchens: Also dead; also another evangelistic atheist. And every one of his books has significantly altered the way I thought about the topic. His views on Libertarian-ism are extremely thorough, as are his thoughts on nearly any topic. His essay on how bad a person Mother Theresa was will expand the mind of even a non-religious person. Specific recommendations: Letters to a Young Contrarian,  Hitch-22: A Memoir - Timothy Keller: Perfect Presbyterian apologist (God defender) for the kind of person who likes to listen to mostly atheists. I've re-read most of his stuff. A little dry sometimes, but he doesn't overstate his position very often, so I appreciate his straight-forward positions. I get the feeling he'd like a lot of the same people I like. Specific recommendations: The Reason For God, The Prodigal God, The Meaning Of Marriage - Malcolm Gladwell: Great books, stupid podcast. I don't get into the podcast later, so let me do that here: Dear Mr. Gladwell, First, thank you so much for reading my blog. Second, there's no way you can outrun LeBron James in any race. You're delusional. Third, great books! Lots of great perspectives! Even if not all the facts totally check out, it's valuable to consider a different take on familiar topics. Fourth, not everything has to do with the current president. I understand you can't blow your nose without it somehow reinforcing your disdain for the sitting POTUS, but the rest of us just want to hear your interesting stories. Do your podcast like your books and just wait a couple years until the next act of this stupid American play where we pretend the R's and D's aren't on the same team, and we once again elect the other side to be in charge of increasing the waste of my hard-earned tax dollars. Also, I would love an autographed copy of Tipping Point. Specific recommendations: Outliers, Blink, Tipping Point - Scott Adams: Yes, that Scott Adams. Unexpectedly insightful! And not just 'insightful for a cartoonist', but more like 'I'm glad this cartoonist got successful enough to be able to pursue writing, because he's really insightful.' Like Sam Harris, he's pretty dry. I don't think I'd want to hang out on a regular basis, but I'll definitely buy anything he creates, although I've never read more than a frame or two of Dilbert, even though it was the focus of an episode of the best show ever created. Specific recommendations: How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big, The Dilbert Principle - Jon Ronson: Purely entertaining. I don't think I've learned much of anything practical from any of his books, really. He's just really entertaining and puts himself in crazy awesome situations. Plus, if you get the audiobook, he's got a cool accent that will grow on you. Specific recommendations: Lost At Sea, So You've Been Publicly Shamed - C. S. Lewis: Dead. (Why do I feel the need to include that? Koran: Muhammad - dead. That's funny! I hope I remember to include that in the audio portion.) Lewis is one of the most significant Christian apologists. Also, he wrote the Chronicles of Narnia. Several times I'm not sure that I agree with him, but this is really what endeared me to him: in one of his books he pretty much states (paraphrased) "This may not be true, but you don't know what's true on this topic either, so as long as my ideas challenge you and knock you off your high horse, I've gotten you closer to the truth." Anyone who put s*** like that in one of their books has a fan for life right here! It's a similar take as Penn Jillette, which is also why I find him so endearing. Specific recommendations: Screwtape Letters, The Great Divorce, Mere Christianity - Milton Freidman: I mostly like him because I'm supposed to. He is the intellectual hero of so many of my intellectual heroes. Most of it is extremely dry, and also life changing if you can get your head around what he's trying to say.  His videos on YouTube easier to take than his books, although they miss a lot of the nuance of his positions.  If you like him, you'll also want to check out Thomas Sowell's stuff. Great minds! Specific recommendations: Capitalism and Freedom, Free To Choose - Anything about Scientology: I know, all the kids are doing it now, but I was here before it was cool! Scientology is fascinating as a modern phenomenon! The more recent documentaries are cool too as far as exposing the more tantalizing details about abuse and tax evasion, but what is most interesting to me is the history. It didn't get where it was without a crazy, crazy past. Plus, as a Christian I love looking at the aspects of other religions I think are insane and realizing that people think the same about me, and then examining to what degree my beliefs are similar or different from the what seems crazy at first glance to me. Specific recommendations: Beyond Belief, Going Clear, Ruthless Podcasts I've stuck with over time: I listen to all these on double speed because the iTunes app doesn't offer 2.5x or 3x speed yet. Thankfully, Audible does. It's weird at first, but once you get used to focusing, normal speed just sounds like a bunch of drunken rambling. - Armstrong and Getty: I've listened to every minute that these guys have aired (about 20,000 hours), and some of it twice. That's crazy. You won't like them that much. But they are definitely unique and just irreverent enough to keep my attention. These are the guys who started me down the path of Libertarianism (although I don't call myself one because our candidates have been insane and so are a lot of our biggest proponents. It's a crazy family with some great ideas. So I call myself a 'classical liberal' because no one knows what that means, so I get to explain what I actually believe.) - Common Sense: Check out the old episodes. Great middle-of-the-road politics from 30,000 feet without the normal current-events-24hr-news-cycle mania. - Startup: It's from Gimlet Media, about the Gimlet Media, as Gimlet Media was starting up. The founder decided, "I want to start a podcast company. My first podcast should be about me starting up my podcast company." That was GREAT, especially for self-employed people. Then it fizzled after the first season. - Waking Up: Sam Harris. You already know I have a man crush on him, so it's not surprising I'm taken in by every episode of his podcast. - Reply All: Another show from Gimlet Media about all things internet. This show is a tech show for non-tech-y people. It's not very informative, but very entertaining. - Criminal: Again, first season and a few scattered awesome episodes, and the host takes herself WAY too seriously, but she's a great story-teller. - EconTalk: The Sahara is practically a tropical rain forest compared to the dryness you'll find here. Hard core capitalists and Libertarians only. On a positive note, this guy is MUCH more likable as a human being than the other economists or libertarians out there. He's probably a fantastic grandpa and just an all-around great guy. - Serial: Great story-telling. No information, just entertainment - RadioLab: I can't be friends with anyone who wouldn't find at least one of these episodes absolutely fascinating. Crazy awesome stories told crazy awesome well. - Hardcore History: From the same guy as Common Sense, Dan Carlin. The most recent story was 23 hours. So he's...thorough. But he's so passionate about history. He's great. And he's so overly dramatic, he's fun to listen to as a caricature. - Timothy Keller: Random, periodic sermons from the dude I already fawned over in the author section above. The important part: Book and podcast hacks I didn't include any business podcasts here (even though I've spent hundreds of hours on them) because listening is for entertainment and story telling. I didn't list any of the business/entrepreneur audiobooks and podcasts here because they're all stupid! If you find a good business book, buy the hard copy so you can mark it up and bookmark the important sections. In school I learned: If you have to write a paper for school, just summarize Wikipedia and then cite the books and articles in the 'References' section at the bottom. It will look like you've really done your research. Likewise, all the really important parts of the business podcasts are in the show notes. The rest of the podcast is just filler. Unless that filler is particularly entertaining (like I find Tim Ferris's podcast to be), just subscribe to the podcast, don't listen to it, click on "view full description", visit the links that seem relevant and then delete the episode. Similarly for books, if you end up liking a book, go check out the bibliography and the bibliography of those books for book recommendations.  Just be aware you might lose yourself in a tiny subsection of a tiny world if you just read the books referenced in other books you love.  They will all reference each other and you'll feel confident you're reading all the best materials since they all talk about how much they love and respect each other, and you'll feel like your ideas must be right since it seems like everyone is reinforcing the same things.  I used to take it as an indication that I was on the right path when a favorite content creator would reference another of my favorite content creators, but now I see it as a warning.  That referenced person might be fun to listen to, but these two people are probably not giving me a diverse perspective.   When too many of them know each other or line up, I'm probably perspective-deprived. That's why I started reading fiction.  I have hated fiction for 34 years. It's stupid.  Why waste your time on stuff that isn't real!?  Because the best answers often come from the least likely contributor.  When someone from an unrelated field looks at a problem, their attempt to solve it is not inhibited by the 'rules' of that field.  Reading fiction temporarily breaks my brain.  Anything is possible in fiction.  No rules apply.  Fiction is brain practice for not ruling out possibilities and for considering more solutions in life. WENDY RESPONDS: And you say you hate to read. That is a really long, really diverse list! And pretty much the opposite of my list, lol. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6NUFfq1xpQ

What We Do When Behavior Is Getting Out of Control FROM WENDY: Six kids can be crazy. Children in groups have this special way of amplifying one another’s attitudes or behaviors, and when one kid starts getting amped up, things can spiral fast. The key is to recognize the circumstances that lend to crazy and interrupt them as early as possible, before things get out of hand. As a former kindergarten teacher, I typically combat crazy with classroom management strategies. I recognize that this does sometimes make us look more like a freak show than we already do, but fortunately the kids haven't seemed to catch on yet. I'm hoping that I have a few more years before they realize that none of their friends' moms say, "1, 2, 3, eyes on me" to their kids when they're loading up the car. For now, the classroom strategies in my back pocket from years of classroom experience are serving us well. Here are some of my favorite tactics: Clear Directions A lot of times things can get crazy when we're in the middle of a transition, like coming home or cleaning up from a meal. Without a clearly defined task, kids are left to their own resources and will do whatever strikes them as most fun, which probably includes some form of running and/or screaming. When you're winding up one activity and getting ready to change gears, think ahead. What do you want kids to be doing next? Where can you direct them that will give them a productive outlet for their energy? Make these directions as clear and specific as possible. "When you get out of the car, stand on the white line." or "When you finish your breakfast, you can play outside or color at the art table." Routines Routines are like clear directions, but built in. You don't have to define the task each time, because everyone already knows what's coming next and where they're supposed to be. The important part about routines is making sure that they're, well, routine. The expectation has to be that we always do it the same way, and the incentive or consequence is always the same for doing or not doing things the expected way. For example, in our morning routine, kids are expected to finish their chores in a certain amount of time, and there's an incentive for finishing on time. If one day this week I don't hold to the time limit, the rest of the days this week kids think that maybe there's a chance they can get away with not finishing on time, and the chaos of off-task kiddos ensues. Attention Getters Sometimes the energy in the room is just high. Kids are all where they belong but the noise or the motion is escalating and it's time to re-direct. You need a signal. This can be anything, like turning off the lights, clapping three times, or a phrase like "1, 2, 3, eyes on me." I use a song to the tune of Happy And You Know It: If you can hear my voice, touch your nose If you can hear my voice, touch your ears If you can hear my voice, pat your head, pat your head If you can hear my voice, say shhhhh Whatever you use, use it consistently and reinforce the expectation. I use the same song each time, and my kids know that their will be incentives for the first person to start singing with me, or consequences for anyone who is not singing along by the time I get to the end. And then as soon as the song is finished... Whisper The best way to reduce the noise level is by lowering the volume of whatever they want to hear. When I finish the attention song and have all eyes, my next instructions are in a whisper. Everyone has to lean in to hear, and they stop talking. This also works in situations where the volume is too loud for the setting. So often it happens that we're all at the dinner table, and everyone has something to share, and they're all excited and talking over one another, and before you know it, everyone is shouting. But when I lean in and start to whisper my response, their desire to know what's being said usually inspires them to either stop talking or at least speak more quietly. Find the Source Often times, there's one or two kiddos who are having a rough time with self control, and they're the ones instigating the crazy in the room. Rather than forcing everyone else to stop what they're doing, if I can help redirect that one child, I can lower the chaos level. Take 30 seconds or so to pause and watch. Could you change the tone of the room by removing just one person? If so, pull that person from the group and help them choose a new activity, or set more appropriate guidelines for the game that they're playing. Switch Gears Finally, when things are just going downhill and you're having trouble stopping the crazy train, have some easy go-to activities that you can jump to to re-direct attention or energy. We stop what we're doing and have a dance party, read a book (make sure it's an easy favorite, not that hefty classic that you're reading for history), or go spend five minutes on the trampoline. Usually by the time we're done, people are ready to calm down and head in to the next thing on our agenda with more focused energy. JAMIN RESPONDS: Yeah, except I think you're cheating. A lot of what you wrote is preventing crazy, which, I agree, really is the key to keeping sanity.  But this all sounds familiar with the exception of the silly songs.  But you do you. Whatever works.  I'm just bummed you didn't mention mommy's crying pillow that you scream into when things get too crazy and you just need to curl up in a ball in the corner. FROM JAMIN tldr: Prevent, don't fix. Focus on someone else. This is the wrong blog post. We don’t have a crazy household. You shouldn’t either. We work hard to prevent a crazy household. Go check out some of the parenting posts to learn how to not need the following information. Unfortunately, our preventative advice is not anywhere near perfect, plus we don’t even follow our own advice perfectly (take for example, our upcoming posts: “You Should Save More Money”, “Diet and Exercise are Important”, or “If You Stay Up So Late, You’re Going to Be Tired All Day Tomorrow and It’s Just Not Worth It Even Though You Think It Will Be Fine Just This Once”). So the following advice is necessary sometimes (As you probably know, most of my advice to my kids is also great advice for me, so this stuff mostly works on adults too)... It might just be me. The baby kept me up. I had to work late. I’ve been making bad food choices recently. I’m frustrated with my spouse about an ongoing fight. Finances are really tight and the check engine light is on. My kid is using a really annoying voice to ask really annoying questions, but both are a normal phase that I need to not squash. There’s a reasonable chance that no one else in the house is feeling the funky vibe but me. I’ll sometimes take a look at a situation and tell myself, “Let’s assume I’m the only one who’s wrong here. Maybe all their complaints and frustrations are legit. What things absolutely can’t match that explanation?” I often find that some or all of their complaints are legitimate. It might be frustrating that I have to deal with those complaints, but the fact that they are frustrated is legitimate and they have presented them in perfectly acceptable ways. Or sometimes I find that they haven’t actually complained. I have complained in my head about how things feel even though they all seem to be pretty happy, now that I think about it. They might be a little wound up, but they’re all having fun and actually have pretty decent attitudes. Maybe I should stop thinking about my external stresses and enjoy the beautiful kids in front of me. SMUD hasn’t turned off the power yet, no one is actually starving (except me, but I could stand to lose a few), none of them are in the hospital at the moment, and the cops haven’t caught up with me. This could be a totally kick-ass few minutes if I were as crazy as they are. Change the environment. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration that half of our attitudes have to do with our environment. And like the frog in the boiling water, the environment can change without anyone noticing. Sometimes I’ll come in the house from working and people are in a funky mood, but I can smell the diapers or the house is too warm/cold or the TV that no one is watching is way too loud. That stuff all can happen slowly and increase chaos. So clean up. Take a walk. Spray some air freshener. Turn on the lights. Turn off the lights. Open the windows. Turn off the TV and background music. Turn on some TV or background music. Everyone can help with this. Everyone gets a task. If I give each person 2 simple tasks, we just changed 16 things in our environment. So five minutes later the atmosphere has changed and everyone feels different. Note the situation. This probably won’t help in the moment, but might be the single greatest tool for preventing this in the future. If 50% of attitude is environment, the other 50% is habit. Make a calendar (for yourself, not with the kids) of bad attitudes and all the surrounding factors/schedules you can think of. If every day at 6:30 the baby gets fussy, we need to have to plan for it. If every Friday morning I fight with the kids about the morning routine, maybe their Thursday nights they’re up too late. If every time I’m working hard on a predictable recurring work project (presentation, school program, Christmas shopping), my spouse and I fight about sex, we need to plan for that and set expectations going into the next big project. Create a more immediate problem. Kids usually throw a fit when there is room for a fit. Parents usually fight when they have time to fight. A kid who is mad at mom and then falls and scrapes their knee, suddenly wants her help. And parents in the middle of a fight can often come together when the baby has to be rushed to the ER for inexplicable sudden illness. That doesn’t mean that the original, real problem is solved (having a baby is a horrible way to try to save a marriage). If the problem is real, it will likely fester when repeatedly ignored. But in our marriage and our family, a lot of times we fight over problems that aren’t real. If we can find a significant distraction, the fake problems die. It helps when Wendy and I are on the same team fighting against the world. And it works the same for families. And teams. And workplaces. So what kind of problem can I create for my kids? Me. The other parent. The wild card. That kid has been reading mom and playing her, but I just walked in and all I see is a screaming kid and we’re not dealing with your complaint until we deal with how you’re complaining. Another problem I can create is a consequence, but as we state in our other parenting posts: no threatening consequences that might not be enforced. And an out of control kid may not have the mental bandwidth to consider a consequence. A 3 year old without a nap may not be deterred by even the threat of death, so at some point you’re not offering helpful discipline, you’re just abusing your kids. Another problem I can create is a sudden, wild change of direction. “Oh my goodness! There is a giant spider in our bathtub! You have to come see this!!!” Or “Who’s going with me to the donut store?” Of course, you don’t want to reward bad behavior, so any inappropriate decisions will still have to be dealt with, and sooner rather than later. But sometimes you have to snap everyone out of their mental state so issues can be dealt with in a rational and humane manner. Serve. It’s hard for a kid (or adult) to be caught up in a bad/selfish attitude while focusing on solving someone else’s problems. If I catch a kid throwing a fit at mom, we’re both going to unload the groceries together. Afterward we can talk about the thing with mom or write an apology letter. But for now, we’re moving our feet and using our minds. Research Behavior Modification Read books about decision making and behavioral economics like Nudge or 48 Laws Of Power or The Game (NSFW) or zillions of others. The gooey software in your head hasn’t changed much in the course of human history. While there’s still a lot to learn, a lot of behavior and decision making is pretty much a solved game. Not all of the ways you win the game are ethical, so you’ll have to make some decisions about what you are and aren’t willing to do, but getting a group of people to do what you want is usually an accomplishable task. When you learn more about how the brain makes decisions you can set better triggers for your kids. When you explain to them how to set better triggers for themselves, I think that’s called parenting. WENDY RESPONDS: Great stuff. You are the pro at helping kids turn attitudes around. I'm glad we're on the same team for this thing! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDrqoyMbIoA

Family Blog Sites We Love to Read FROM WENDY: I have so many favorite homeschool and family bloggers, and the list is constantly evolving. Especially recently as we've plunged into the homeschool world, I have been extremely grateful for the wealth of information, ideas, and encouragement out there. In alphabetical order, since I love them all too much to rank them: Afterthoughts Brandy Vencel has great resources for people interested in a Charlotte Mason approach to homeschooling (if you don't know what that is, she is for sure the person to ask!). Whether you follow that approach or not, Brandy's weekly newsletters are always packed full of thought-provoking content. Farmhouse Schoolhouse Elsie Ludicello is one of the most encouraging voices in the homeschool community. Her Instagram posts are beautiful and uplifting, and her homeschool is an inspiration; definitely one to follow. Kara S. Anderson – Supporting you in real-life homeschooling I love Kara Anderson for her sense of humor and approachable style; her down-to-earth approach to many topics always resonates with me. Little Earthling Blog I first discovered Renee when searching for large family organization solutions. As a mom of fourteen, she has great perspective to offer! Read-Aloud Revival Sarah Mackenzie is also the author of Teaching from Rest: A Homeschoolers Guide to Unshakable Peace. Her book and her homeschooling posts were so so formative for me when we began our homeschool adventure. Simple Homeschool - Never let your schooling interrupt your education. Simple Homeschool has a number of contributing writers, and is so full of diverse and wise perspectives. Jamie Martin is the editor, and she has also written a great ebook that I have found hugely helpful. JAMIN RESPONDS: You go girl...? I'm glad you spend so much effort to be fantastic in your domain! JAMIN'S FAVORITE FAMILY BLOG tldr: Really? Great family bloggers? Um...I'm sure we've benefited from lots of family blog bloggers, but that would be because of Wendy. I'll willingly blast through dozens of hours of podcasts and audio books each week, but I'm not doing a whole lot of reading other people's blogs. So I guess here's a shout-out to any dudes reading this. Thank you. And I'm sorry. On a more helpful note, here are some podcasts and audio books I love. WENDY RESPONDS: It is true...we have benefited tons from the wonderful family bloggers out there! I'm sure we've benefited just as much from all those audio books, just in different capacities, right? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JK4-CKzr7xU

Our Favorite Fun, Memory-Creating Adventures and Family Outings Click here to download the Fun Family Day Cards FROM WENDY: It starts with an intentional investment in creating shared experiences. Years ago, a family we were close friends with had to be separated for several months due to a work situation. My friend and her kiddos stayed behind while her husband worked out of state Monday through Friday and flew home for the weekends. She and I had many conversations about the struggles of that season, but one thing that highly impacted Jamin and me was the way they spent their family time. The days that they had all together were few during that season, and they protected that time for adventures together as a family. Rather than letting Saturday be housekeeping and homework day, they took day trips together and made their short time count. Watching our friends was what laid the foundations for Family Day in our household, a tradition we’ve held since our oldest kids can remember. We reserve one day a week that is just time for our family. We ask ourselves, if this were the one day this week that we all were going to see one another, what adventures would we want to take? What memories do we want to create? Protecting that time is hard and takes effort. There are seasons we definitely struggle to maintain that standard. Sports games and birthday parties and other events are always competing for the time. If we only did it when it was convenient in our schedule, it would rarely happen. Our kiddos are still young, so time will tell how they remember Family Day. But when I look around at the young adults that I do know who still genuinely enjoy being with their families, a common thread is shared adventures and experiences. Doing things together, just for the sake of creating memories and enjoying one another, seems to cultivate the type of close family culture we hope to have. Family Day can take on a lot of forms for us; really it’s just whatever everyone in our house enjoys doing. Some of our favorites are listed below. But just a couple of notes: some of these adventures can be daunting with a crew of small children. We absolutely have our limits, and do many of these things in very short stints and with low expectations (ie, we don’t have to actually catch any fish to call it fishing). We feel like it’s better to take a short trip and end on a high note than go too long and have everyone remember how terrible they felt at the end. On the other hand, the trip also doesn’t have to go perfectly for great memories to be made. Remember there was that one time we went to Disneyland and it rained the whole day and we were soaking wet but we got to go on all the rides a bunch of times because no one else wanted to be there in the rain? See what I mean? Here are some of our favorite ways to spend Family Day: Amusement Parks, Museums, Zoos or Aquariums Most often, these types of places will have annual memberships that are pretty low in comparison with single day ticket prices for a family our size. We always get the membership when we can. More than just a financial savings though, being able to go any time also helps with making the trips short and sweet. It’s okay to only spend a happy hour or two in Six Flags when you know you can come back next week if you want to. If your kids are small like ours, it definitely helps to scope things out before going. Know the rules about bringing food into the park (although most places will let you bring in anything if you have a baby, or allergies). Learn the best attractions for your kids’ ages. Check the weather before you go. Having a sense for what to expect can make a daunting excursion a little more manageable. Outdoor Adventures (the beach, fishing, state parks, etc.) Again, try to know what to expect. The beach is fun until it’s 50 degrees and everyone wore their swimsuits. Read reviews about the locations where you’re headed so you know things to prepare for, such as where to find a port-a-potty and which side of the lake lets you park closest to the water. Baking, Games, or Movie Night This is our go-to when the weather is bad or when we’ve had been a busy week and everyone is tired. Sometimes low-key is best rather than dragging tired kiddos to big destinations! Play games together, make some brownies and popcorn, and put everyone in their jammies to watch a movie before bed. Local Adventures Find an online calendar for your area and get to know local events that your family would enjoy. We love seasonal events like Harvest Fairs and Christmas light viewing, but also don’t tend to do well with big crowds, so we choose carefully. Know your family and be realistic about what will be a good fit. Remember, the ultimate goal is creating memories! It doesn’t always have to be a magical experience, it just has to time together experiencing the same things. Over the years of your children’s lives, even small experiences, when done regularly, will add up to a lot of time and you will not regret the investment! JAMIN RESPONDS: Absolutely! I don't think we have any disagreements about any of this! If we're out together, it's a good time. I love doing anything with you guys! FROM JAMIN tldr: Do anything. Save your money Sure, I'll list some things here, but kids just want to be around loving parents. My kids also want expensive things. Those two don't have to conflict. They really want to go to Disneyland. They also deeply need direct attention from me. As long as those two go together in my head, I'll be missing the important stuff. We have more parenting posts, but to put my conscience to rest on a list like this, I'll summarize: My kids need me like I need food. My kids love expensive things like I love a good steak. If I only eat when I can afford a good steak, I'll starve. If I always save up (work extra hours away from my family) to make great family memories, I'll be emotionally starving them. So - after that dark and sobering note, here's some of my favorite things to do: 1) Beach: We have to drive 3 hours to get to a beach, but we rarely regret it. Just watch out for the traffic on the way back. We usually try to time it so we leave late enough that the kids can sleep. Take jammies and lots of food, a small metal shovel (the plastic ones that come in the sand toys kits are junk!) and lots of nested buckets. They don't have to be sand buckets - those are bulky and hard to carry.  But no matter how many you bring, they will all get used. And if you have extras, your kids will be able to share with other kids. And take a kite.  There's like a 10% chance that it will go well, but kites are like 83 cents, so take a chance.  If it flies, you'll be a hero for weeks to come. 2) Baking: It doesn't have to be good. It doesn't have to be clean. It won't be. If your goal is to bake something great or to keep the kitchen clean, you'll wreck the whole thing. These are fun things to do with kids, not clean things to do with kids. In fact, those two are almost always opposed to each other. Granted, at some point the disadvantage of the cleanup outweighs the amount of fun making the mess, so know your threshold and plan accordingly. 3) Rocket League is our favorite video game. Soccer played with remote controlled race cars. Very low skill level required to start. 5 minute timed games, so it has very convenient ending points. "One more round" isn't the same as "Just let me finish this level," where 'this level' might take another hour to complete. 4) The Donut Shop seems perfect for us, mostly because we never eat donuts, so it's special. It's cheap. It doesn't mess up the house. It's as quick or as long as we want. 5) Fishing. We are extremely intermediate fishermen! No one knows as medium much as we do about fishing. We know way more than most California families. Also we know basically nothing compared to people who love to fish. So whenever we go with other people, we find a cool way to relate: either we are the tag-along newbies who are eagerly learning new things or we are the experienced pros, showing our friends the ropes. If you're new, you probably need a fishing license from a sporting goods store (call ahead and ask if they are authorized to sell them) and then ask them where the nearest fishing spots are. Just like cooking, the goal isn't to succeed. The goal is to mess up together. Here's the important part: family day cards. You know what we want to do in the future? Beach and baking and fishing!!! You know what we want to do today? Donuts and video games. So print out your family day cards and let the kids pick them out randomly way ahead of time. The anticipation is the best part. Post the card you pick on the fridge and bring it up all the time so you can all be looking forward to it! This will also give you a chance to prepare. When we ask "What do you want to do today?" a lot of great stuff is already eliminated because we would have to prepare the meals, or bought the tickets or already have left.  Also, put the packing list on your family day card so as you repeat your activities, you're better and better prepared each time. WENDY RESPONDS: I love your steak analogy. The regular, direct attention really is the most important part. Which also means, undivided attention. You do a great job at not letting work or your phone interrupt family time...something I've always been super grateful for! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8glhpQF8vA

How We Weighed the Advantages of Homeschooling Click here to download the Advantages and Disadvantages checklist FROM WENDY: The advantages and disadvantages I planned for, and the ones I actually found. We did not set out to homeschool. In fact, once upon a time (not very long ago), I swore I would never ever homeschool. I’ve worked in classrooms for years, and I love teaching. I loved my job working at my kids’ private school. I worked with my best friends, my kids had teachers I respected and who loved them, and I loved being part of their school. But at some point, it stopped working. More specifically, it stopped working for me to be working. We have a lot of kids, and just running our household with all the small bodies in it made a full-time job in and of itself. I knew deep down, before I wanted to admit it, that something needed to change. Staying home was an advantage, but also meant something would need to change for the kids’ schooling since we can’t exactly afford to put six kids through private school. I’m not a huge fan of our local public school system, and also didn’t love the idea of sending my kids to school all day with people I don’t know. Remember, in our old school, I was there all day, and if I wasn’t in the classroom with them, I at least knew the people who were. In one conversation early on in the discussion, we jokingly said, “Maybe we should just homeschool the kids.” Haha. But of course, that would be ridiculous because we had said we would never do that. I had several objections to homeschooling, and a few major ones: 1) We will be at each other’s throats all day if we are left to ourselves here at home. 2) I have too many littles to be able to school the bigs effectively. 3) Our house is always going to be a gigantic mess if we are home all day. 4) What about the socialization question...won’t my children all turn into weird homeschool kids? Plus we’re going to miss our friends. A few good friends, excellent websites, and inspiring books helped me resolve that we would be able to deal with those objections positively, so we jumped off the deep end. Months later, what I’m coming to find is that homeschooling is so much different than I thought it would be. It’s not just school at home. There’s definitely a paradigm shift that makes some of my questions and objections a little less weighty than they were initially. We do miss our friends. Of all the things I was concerned about, this one is real. The kids have besties from school that they still see and play with regularly, but it’s not the same as seeing them everyday. However, my concerns about them having no friends are nowhere near realized. In fact, I’m finding myself saying no to more and more groups and activities just because there isn’t time enough to do them all. Homeschool communities are abundant, diverse, and everywhere, if you’re willing to take the time to find the right group to fit your family. (Disclaimer: we live in a relatively large suburban area, so maybe that would be less of the case if we were in a small town.) We were so blessed to quickly plug into a supportive, like-minded community of other homeschoolers, and the kids immediately began making friends that they love. Oh, and did I mention, there are six of them?? So even if we stay home one day from our full agenda of co-ops and classes, there are five other children in the house to play with, fight with, solve problems with, be creative with...you get the idea. Our house is always a big gigantic mess now that we’re home. But mostly, it’s because of toddlers. Seriously though, the thing about homeschooling is that you aren’t just always teaching only math and history. There’s a lot of life skill learning that naturally and necessarily takes place when you’re home together all of the time. I’m finding that we are way better now at working on instilling responsible habits in our children. Back when we rushed to get everyone off to school in the mornings, the adult who stayed behind cleaned up the empty house. Now the kiddos are doing laundry and dishes every morning, tidying up routinely throughout the day, and learning to be more diligent about leaving spaces better than they found them. We’re slowly building habits like “clear your place before leaving the table” and “hang up your towel after your bath”. And the part of me that wants the towel hung just so is patiently surrendering to the part that wants the children to have the opportunity and discipline to learn to do it themselves. It’s still a work in progress, but today I feel like my children are becoming more responsible people, if my house isn’t always a cleaner place. We do have a lot of little people in our house, and they do impact the way we do school for the big kids. But I quickly learned that there is no end to the resources, ideas, and information out there for how to solve this problem. In the end, it seems to really just be a matter of logistics and strategies, which could easily fill a whole series of other blog posts. Sarah Mackenzie and Cindy Rollins have written my two very favorite books on this topic, and regular re-readings of both help me remember that this challenging task can be done, and is so very worthwhile. The last of my concerns, that we would be at each other’s throats all day if we were always at home together, never really materialized the way I thought it would. For one, it is actually super rare that we are home all day, between homeschool groups and extracurricular activities. But the other thing that I hadn’t taken into consideration was the tired-and-cranky factor. When we were at school all day, the kids that came home with me were worn out from a full day of learning, playing hard, and using up all of their self-control in the classroom. They didn’t have any left by the time they got to my house. They were tired, I was tired, and we spent the remaining hours of the day doing the least fun things we could possibly do together: chores, dinner, bath time, etc. The tired-and-cranky children that I was unsure I wanted to spend all day with if we homeschooled are not the same kids that currently live at my house. Don’t get me wrong, we have tired days, and we have cranky days. And some days we have full-scale nuclear meltdowns. But this is the exception, not the norm. Instead of spending the last tired hours of each day together, I am getting the best hours of my kiddos’ days. Instead of only getting to push them through the least fun tasks of the day, I get to be part of the most fun - the discoveries, the creations, the laughs. These are the moments I looked forward to when I became a mom, and I love so much that homeschooling makes it possible for me to be a part of them. JAMIN RESPONDS: That last one is the kicker for me - instead of getting the worst hours of the day, I get the best. That is awesome!  Also, you can always change your mind later.  Might as well try it for a while and just go back if it doesn't work out.  And change this into a mommy blog.  It doesn't have to be a homeschool blog too.  Nothing is forever. There's a season for everything. JAMIN'S DISADVANTAGES AND ADVANTAGES: tldr: The advantages of homeschooling don't apply to everyone. Do whatever you think is best. First, why I hate homeschooling - the disadvantages: 1) There is no break. It is easy to underestimate the impact of this disadvantage! When you homeschool, you are everything. You're the teacher, the lunch lady, the hall monitor, the recess monitor, the principal, the transportation. You volunteer for every field trip. You PLAN every field trip. You're the test proctor, the registrar, the nurse, the athletic director and the janitor. Oh - and you're also the parent. And the spouse. And you are now in charge of replacing the social experiences your kids would have gotten if you wouldn't have pulled them out of perhaps the single most significant workshop of their lives: constant, early education on how to win friends and influence people. You might be able to replace the facts the teachers were going to present, but good luck replacing the lessons of the playground. (On the other hand, maybe what you've seen on the school playground is a big part of why you're considering pulling your kid out of that hell hole.) 2) Lack of influence from other authorities. I don't attend soccer practice. Our sole income comes from the music lessons I teach, but I don't teach my kids music. I want them to have good coaches and bad coaches. Cuddly mentors and prickly ones. They need to experience working under generous bosses and stingy ones. School is a great place to experience the gamut of authority figures. 3) Homeschoolers are weird. They talk to adults like they are peers. They don't know how to strike up conversations with new people. They don't have the shared experiences anyone else has: homecoming, P.E., homeroom, student council, study hall, or any classmates who took the same classes. The closest thing they have is other homeschoolers with whom they share the experience of not having shared experiences with anyone. 4) Another one of the disadvantages is that parents of homeschoolers are weird. They believe in weird things and try weird things. They don't vaccinate, they hold hands when they pray, they use essential oils as if they work, and if you don't watch out, they'll probably try to sell them to you. Look, we've got 6 kids. We're freaky enough as it is. Traditional schooling was our last thread of being somewhat normal. Take that away and we end up being the stereotype of what everyone in San Fransisco thinks everyone in Missouri is. Why I Finally Gave In - The Advantages: 1) I hate parents. I don't really hate the people, but I find it annoying to be obligated to interact with strangers just because of our physical proximity: at a cross-walk, a concert, or a subway (both the vehicle and the restaurant).  We can be civil and kind, but standing near a person doesn't make it more likely that our personalities will be complimentary. And you apparently HAVE to interact while you're waiting for your kids or at field trips or school functions or birthday parties. If we were honest, each parent would say, "Look, I wouldn't choose to talk to you in any other scenario, but my kid attends the same school as yours and I don't want to wreck things for him in case he really likes your kid. So let's not pretend we're already friends. I don't need you to find something about my kid that you can compliment. I'm not genuinely interested in your hobbies and I won't find you more personable if you ask me about mine," but Wendy has told me I'm not allowed to say that anymore. But while we're on the topic - to the fine ladies of Sports Clips Hair Cuts: I will gladly pay you double if you just let me watch the game that you put on the TV. It's a hockey game and I don't follow hockey or even know most of the rules, but I'd much rather stare at that than try to pretend like I'm convinced that you find my weekend plans fascinating. I made up those plans I told you. I'm actually going to Disneyland this week, but I told you I had to work overtime in hopes of being boring enough to stop the conversation and get back to this ice soccer thing. But now I'm caught in a made up conversation with you about my a-hole boss who keeps calling me in to work in Sacramento even though I'm self-employed and will be in L.A. with Mickey Mouse! Please people: can we stop with the charades!?!? I have friends. They are not you. Not yet. I don't hate you...but I don't like you. Not yet. I do like most of the people I get to know, so we could likely be friends, but I don't like being forced to find out at the moment. Plus, talking to you about the weather or how much I'm satisfied with the car I drive isn't really going to help us find out if we will be friends anyway. I thought one of the advantages of homeschooling would be a decrease in ridiculous, awkward, forced social situations. Unfortunately, homeschooling hasn't really fixed the problem like I thought it would. Turns out, society is everywhere. 2) I can feel time with my kids escaping my grasp like sand through my fingers. This is the reason we had kids. If we can afford it, I want my young kids to have access to a parent. It's not their fault that they exist in this world, and I don't want them to pay the price for my mistakes, as much as possible. If I had so many kids and racked up so much debt that I have to abandon them while I go pay off my bad decisions, I will have a nagging feeling that I'm failing them. As long as it works, I want access to their firsts and their developments and I want to be the one (with my wife) to explain how the world works and shape their initial worldviews. 3) We can't afford 6 kids in private school. And I haven't seen a public school around here where I wouldn't end up in a fist fight with a the faculty at some point. 4) Wendy's the perfect teacher. Homeschooling isn't for everyone, but Wendy was made for this. She has the patience of a patient person and the calmness of a super calm chick. Wendy gives them so much more freedom than I would - it's like she's a person who just lets their kids be free to experiment. She's one of the most creative, smart people I know and she's as bad at micromanaging as I am at analogies. 5) Our work/school schedule wasn't lining up. I wanted to do cool things with them, but the perfect time to teach piano lessons is right after school. Unfortunately, the perfect time for my kids to not be in school was right after school. I missed them like crazy! We carved out a lot of time on weekends and I took them to school every morning, but my heart was breaking every afternoon while I spent quality one-on-one time with everyone's kids but my own. 6) Common core is slightly stupider than the old stupid system. People learn different ways! Almost nothing in the universe seems more obvious than this. Demanding that nation-wide, everyone reach the right answer by the same means is ludicrous! I haven't looked into common core enough to have a strong opinion on it, but I didn't even like the old system, where a person's 'smartness' was judged by their natural propensity to sit still for long periods of time, shut up, and not cause the teacher to have to do any actual work. I have enough friends who are parents, teachers and administrators to get the serious vibe that common core is a lot more of the one-size-fits-all, there-is-only-one-right-way-to-process-information style that makes me so insane. I don't want my kids to have to only see me on Guest Day at the prison after I've stabbed a 1st grade math teacher over the 'right' way to add 8 and 8. 7) School administrators are idiots and so are teachers. Sure, I've hinted at this, but it should be stated explicitly. As a disclaimer, my whole family is in education and they are great at it.  The school they run is consistently a top performing school nationally and I'm proud to have my last name is associated with it. Plus, my wife was a kindergarten teacher when we married. I was a full-time 5th/6th grade teacher when we married. I loved being in the classroom and I could totally see myself going back to it some day. There are tons of educators who are the supernatural gods and goddesses of inspiring curiosity and wonder in young people, spawning a determination and confidence in children who would have otherwise been overrun by adversity and boredom. Those teachers and administrators put the actual angels to shame with their ability to selflessly serve the greater good with no expectations for anything in return. That said, school administrators, as a group, above all other professions, seem to have an un-human knack for taking the most insane position on any topic. What causes a brain to break and, for example, create a zero-tolerance policy where a first grader who chews his Pop Tart into an "L" shape gets suspended for having a gun-shaped snack? Maybe it's the low salary and unchecked power that attracts skill-less, brain-less people who have had all their dignity stripped away from them in every other arena in their life. Or maybe it's the awesome responsibility of caring for children coupled with the crippling threat of lawsuits if any crazy parent sees anything they don't like. Maybe it's just insecurity; the fear of everyone realizing that the job takes zero skill, since literally anyone can teach. Really - anyone. Every one of my kids teaches younger ones how to do things. You know what teaching is? Doing something while someone else watches. Or saying something while someone else isn't talking. I'm teaching you right now. Bam! I'm a teacher. You're a teacher. No one in life has ever NOT been a teacher. Teachers are not great just for being teachers any more than parents are great for having functioning gonads. (Note to self: ask Wendy if I can post honestly about single moms.)  There are good teachers, just like there are good parents, but it doesn't seem to be the majority. Of course, this all coming from a piano teacher, one of the least respectable versions of a teacher out there.  The only requirements for being a teacher is being able to scrape together $50 for a thrift store keyboard and not being homeless, and even that second requirement is a little flexible. At least school teachers get background checked and have some accountability to accomplish something.  When someone tells me they are a piano teacher, I assume they are either retired from an actual career or that something must have gone terribly wrong in their life and I wonder who in the family has the real job that pays the bills. 8) Weird kids were probably going to be weird anyway. Granted: for the less socially gifted, pulling them out of society doesn't help them develop that skill, but one nice thing about having a bunch of kids is that you get to see over and over that they were born 'that way'. Some of them are outgoing and some are reserved. Some of them like to make friends and some of them prefer to play alone. Some of them like to chat it up with strangers and others feel murderous rage toward a sweet little Sports Clips stylist who is just trying to brighten someone's day. So maybe homeschool families aren't weird. Maybe weird families just like homeschooling. Maybe it's not going to wreck us. Maybe it's just a better fit for us for now. Or maybe we were already wrecked and just didn't know it. WENDY RESPONDS: Aww, you think I'm the perfect teacher? Thanks! (blush) You're totally right on the no-break thing. The pressure is real and constant. I think that's probably the one disadvantage that I actually do struggle with. The rest of it I think we can (or have) overcome. At least for now. We'll have to make a note to update this post a couple years from now :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwlZJg273CU src="https://html5-player.libsyn.com/embed/episode/id/5957837/height/360/width/450/theme/standard/autonext/no/thumbnail/yes/autoplay/no/preload/no/no_addthis/no/direction/forward/" height="360" width="450" placement="bottom" theme="standard"

Things Under $100 That Unexpectedly Changed Our Family Life Click here to download the Family Things Wish List FROM WENDY:: 5 Things Every Mom Should Own 1) A swing or seat that my baby loves and will sleep in Babies who nap in swings are just the best, especially when there are several other small children in the house. Toddlers are not understanding when you try to tell them, "I can't help you get your snack right now because I have to rock the baby to sleep." Don't get me wrong, rocking babies to sleep is absolutely my idea of heaven, but there are moments in the day when rocking or entertainment is needed for baby so other kiddos' needs can be met. I have lots of favorite baby seats and swings that I've used for my babies either for naptime or playtime, the difference really being the individual baby's preference. If baby is happy, the whole house is happy. A couple of important notes here: First, swings MUST plug in. Battery operated swings were most definitely created in collaboration with Energizer. Second, while the links above all go to beautiful new baby items, I never buy these items new. They are all too bulky to store from one baby to the next, so I always sell them as soon as they're outgrown and re-purchase used for the new baby. 2) Chromecast We use Chromecast to start our morning routine video, praise music for circle time, and Netflix for the kid that needs a quiet break in the other room in the afternoon. The ability to turn on the tv in another room of the house using only my phone is super cool and eliminates extra steps when I'm already trying to do ten things at once. 3) Library card and good book lists Okay, this isn't exactly something you purchase (unless you rack up lots of overdue book fees). But it is a game-changing resource in our house. We use our multiple local libraries extensively, and not just for books. Our favorite libraries have great play areas where my littles can play for hours. The big kids play too, or find books, or use the computers. It's a great alternative to other expensive play places. A huge part of our homeschool revolves around exploring good books in a number of genres and subject areas. Having quality, in-depth book lists really helps with this. Here are some of my favorite books about books and reading that I've found really helpful. Read Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease Honey for a Child's Heart by Gladys Hunt Books to Build On by E.D. Hirschle 4) Toy cubbies I love bins. Baskets. Cubbies. Even Mason jars. Having several children in the house necessitates being somewhat minimalist with toy selection and storage, and having a clearly designated place for each item is a must. We have a well-used set of Ikea cubbies and bins that we bought many years ago that have served us very well. Add a few baskets for larger items, and some mason jars for pencils and crayons and other art supplies, and we have a well-organized playroom that doesn't make me want to throw out all the toys. 5) A step stool We have at least four step stools in our house. We have lots of little people. My philosophy is that one of the quickest ways I can make my life less crazy is by helping the little people become more independent. Enter the step stool. I know it probably seems super obvious, but it is amazing sometimes how long I'll go on doing something for a child that they could do for themselves if I just removed one simple barrier, such as height. Washing their hands or brushing their teeth, for example. This approach carries over into other areas, too: velcro means putting on their own shoes, and plastic bowls in a bottom drawer mean getting their own cereal. Just remember, the step stool has to be one they are able to get out and use on their own; independence is the idea here. JAMIN RESPONDS: I totally agree with you, but I can't wait to see the feedback - it seems like your list wasn't specific enough this time around, but we'll see... FROM JAMIN tldr: Google and Amazon will surely own us all someday 1) Amazon Prime You probably already have this, but if you don't, it will change your life. Free 1-or-2-day shipping on everything God can imagine.  Keeping shopping lists of varying degrees of urgency and trying to schedule the store runs is a headache that isn't necessary any more. Plus, if you use it right, it's a money saver too because when you see something you think you want, you can just add it to your cart without checking out and then later you can decide whether that was something that you really needed or whether that was going to be a terrible impulse-buy. The only drawbacks that I can see are (1) the opportunity for Amazon to tempt you with things that you don't necessarily want or need and (2) the cardboard. Good Lord the cardboard! So many boxes and I only have one recycle bin. Amazon - I'm fine with you just slapping a shipping label on the manufacturer's box. I don't need my printer paper triple-boxed, even if we do love the huge brown paper that you fill the boxes for us to make murals with. 2) Chromecast (from Google) Chromecast is awesome. Chromecast is the best. We seriously don't even need TV because of Chromecast. You can control all the TVs in your house from your phone and the kids can't change the channel or switch shows, and you can monitor what's being played on every device in your house from your phone! 3) Don't Shoot The Dog This book sounds like a dog training book because it's a dog training book. But it also works great for training kids or adults or a classroom full of unruly students. It's all about positive reinforcement and almost entirely leaves out consequences and punishment. For that reason, it's not a complete parenting book, but if you are just looking for behavior modification this is a great place to start! Just cross out the word "dog treat" and insert whatever your favorite small reward is and the advice here could very well change the tone of your house. 4) The 80/20 Individual My wife thinks that I am great at finding systems that are efficient and getting things done quickly. (By the way, Getting Things Done is also a great book! Maybe I'll elaborate on that more later.) The idea of this book is pretty simple but also counter-intuitive: 80% of your results in any area of life usually come from about 20% of the systems you have in place. The reason you want to buy the book is all the examples of other 80/20's that exist in your life. It seems you can pretty much just fill in the blank: "80% of [effect comes from 20% of [cause." The reason this is important is the 80% of the other systems that you're trying aren't really doing anything except for stressing you out! Finding what works and what doesn't will help you eliminate systems and stress and expenses that are unnecessary. 5) Why Marriages Succeed or Fail And How You Can Make Yours Last If you only read one marriage book, well, then you probably won't have a very good marriage. You've got to try harder than that! Put some effort in! But once you read a bunch of marriage books, I think this one will stand out in its practicality. After reading this book I went back and got all of the author's other stuff, and most of it was decent but not the standout that this one was. My major take away from the book is: contempt is the most harmful thing in a marriage. When the trust level is so low that you assume negative intentions from the other person, things are headed in a very, very bad direction. Just being able to step back and ask myself: "Is there any possibility that Wendy's motives are not the negative ones I feel they have to be?" has been a big deal for us. That wasn't even the main point of the book, so I'm sure you'll find your own gems in here. WENDY RESPONDS: So, pretty much Amazon + Google + plus good books? Maybe your list is too specific. Oh...and Braava! How did one of us not say Braava?!? Forget the step stool, I need my mopping robot. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgHYMPnlBeQ

Our Large Family Homeschool Mom Blog FROM WENDY: Who are we and what is our large family all about? We are Jamin and Wendy. We are two former elementary school teachers turned small-business owner (online piano lessons) and homeschooler. We are more famously known for having six children in seven years, four curly-haired girls with the two most awesome brothers. Yes, that means I’ve been pregnant for basically forever. And no, our house is never quiet. I like to think of it as managed chaos; dramatic concerts, nerf gun wars, and toddler tornadoes are the norm. We bring two very different personalities to the table. Jamin is a musician and business owner, and has been dubbed The Fixer Papa. He’s most often the mastermind behind the streamlined systems that help lower our chaos. He’s also known to daily remark on how much he likes all these kids that live in our house, and to attempt to cram into each week as many memory-creating adventures as the schedule will allow. I am a teacher at heart, and my favorite thing is teaching kids of all ages to read and write. Homeschooling is my current #1 hobby, but I can also often be found trying to squeeze in an extra half hour to chalk-paint a free Craigslist dresser, or make a diy burlap wreath in twenty five-minute sessions while the kids play on the trampoline every afternoon. I love making our home a beautiful place, and cultivating peace and connectedness in our surroundings and in our relationships. What are we doing here? There are so many people with so many great ideas and advice on how to successfully raise happy families. “Pray together, read bedtime stories, homeschool, use essential oils, eat family dinner regularly…” Don’t get me wrong, these are some really great things and we do a lot of them. But we aren’t here to tell you how it’s done. Mostly because we don’t know. In fact, we’re pretty sure there are plenty of things we’re not doing right. But we are on a journey to be our best, to make our home and family life reflective of our core values, and to help our kids become the best versions of themselves. We recognize that that is not going to look the same for our family as it does for the one down the street. And we’re good with that. Our desire is to find and invest in the adventures that make us, us. Whether it’s the rhythms and relationships that make up our day to day moments, or the momentous events that are looked forward to with excitement, we hope to be able to look back fondly on the wild adventure that was parenting without regrets. We feel crazy blessed to be on this journey. So much of any of our current “successes” are really the result of great wisdom others have shared with us, either in person or online. We’re super grateful for all that has been available to us, and we would be so thrilled to encourage you and your family in your own adventure. JAMIN RESPONDS: Aw!  You're adorable! I like you a lot. I think that hoping to look back without regrets is too ambitious.  I can't think of any period of my life where that is true, but I certainly hope to limit them.  Also, "successes" shouldn't be in quotes.  We've done some things right.  I totally agree on the blessed and grateful part. FROM JAMIN: tldr: Have kids or do drugs. We have a ton. Of kids. Not drugs We have a large family. We got 6 kids. Cuz. That’s why. Cuz. Cuz we liked the first 5, but finances get tight at some point so we gotta draw an arbitrary line somewhere. Maybe we’ll adopt some more down the line. Kids are the best. But that’s a separate topic for a separate post. No, you know what? Let’s do it now. Let’s get into it! If you’re not married, you’re missing out on the second best (and potentially worst) thing in life. And the best (potentially worst) thing in life is kids. Not like the funnest thing. The funnest things are sex and drugs. But kids are the most fulfilling. That’s not my opinion, that’s Darwin talking, baby. Virtually nothing in my life that I thought mattered actually mattered when I had kids. And all that other stuff that’s important and innovative? That was almost entirely built because of the deepest urge to procreate. So you can get create a following, invent the next big thing, make a fortune, but if you’re not using it to put babies on earth, mother nature says you’re doing it wrong. Religious/moral convictions aside, kids are the only game in town. Sure, kids are expensive. Sure, they’re inconvenient. Sure, life is a lot simpler without them. But when you have them and love (the dedicated act, not the feeling) them, you realize nothing else mattered. It’s like that first time you did ecstasy…and if you haven’t done E, you gotta try it! (Don’t do drugs, kids. They’re bad and will ruin your life.) I’ve never actually done any drugs, but I hear the way it makes the rest of life melt away is amazing. So if you got another hustle going on, great. Keep at it. If you enjoy it and don’t want kids, cool. Don’t have them. Your (and their) life is better off that way. But if you change your mind, give in, and finally have them, just know you’ll regret it every single day of your life.  Your laundry will pile up as a giant monument to your inadequacy and you’ll question yourself constantly as they drain your bank account like bitter baby mama, and those kids will fundamentally erode your self-perception on a deeper level than you ever knew possible, leaving only a shell of the person you thought you were and replacing the core of your being and beliefs with an unrecognizable contradiction of everything you used to stand for…just like every other truly important decision in life will do. (By the way, not having kids because “we can’t afford them yet” or “we're not ready yet” is BS! You’ll find the money. You’ll find the time. You’ll learn. Have kids when you both really want to have kids...but this really is a separate topic for a separate post.) Everywhere we go, my wife and I constantly get the same questions and the same comments, like, “You know how that happens, right!?” or “You sure have your hands full,” or “Are you Catholic or Mormon?” and the dozen other comments you thought of when you saw our family picture. That’s fine. That’s fair. When I’m introduced to an extremely tall person I have a hard time not saying, “Man, you’re tall,” or “How’s the weather up there?” So whatever. My life is weird and apparently compelling to a lot, if not a majority, of people. And we don't do it the "right" way. We don't parent the right way. Just ask our parents. Or friends. Or kids in 20 years! We don't interact with each other the right way. We don't have the right balance of life and work, or reward and punishment, or spending and saving, or anything. We also don't believe there is a right way. There are almost definitely wrong ways (don't shake your babies...I've seen billboards about that!?! Are there really people shaking babies!?! I'm definitely in favor of keeping those people's genes from carrying on, but there's got to be a way to take care of that before the fact...?), but labels are for soup cans, and labeling one way "the" right way is a waste. What we can do is try out a bunch of stuff, minimize the damage we do to each other and our kids, and keep the stuff that seems to give us the biggest return for the investment. Oh - and encourage and inspire others. Wendy says I'm supposed to say "encourage and inspire others." I guess that's why we're here: to make you feel normal, and like you've got a good shot at this life thing. Or at least we can be a severe warning to you of what life can be like if you live it like us!  So we're bloggers now. I guess. Or vloggers?  We're I-own-a-computer-and-made-a-place-to-dump-my-thoughts-ers. Plus, we have gotten a lot of help from the other bloggers out there who have shared their stories and helped us feel like our struggles are surmountable. This might be a cool way to give back to the large family community and also give my wife, a stay-at-home mom, a creative outlet where more than just our children can appreciate and use the systems we have made and stolen. But Googling large family vloggers makes me angry. These are horrible human beings! I mean, I’m a bad human being and I’m way better than these people! These YouTubers whore out the spectacle of their children for attention like Arrested Development's Bluth Boyfights, but they’re not even getting any fortunes in most cases! Just attention! “Sorry about wasting your childhood, sweetie, but daddy was trying to earn the 100k subscriber award from YouTube. I'm sorry your best and worst moments were displayed to the world without your consent, and I prioritized editing compelling video of your life over living a good life with you, but a healthy relationship just wasn't going to be as click-bait-y.” These family experiences are supposed to be sacred! “Kid’s first crush!” “Kid’s broken nose!” “Kid’s embarrassing fail!” Just the thumbnails drive me cRaZy! I would recommend they get a real job, but this useless scum is not hire-able by any employer, since they'll provide no marketable value to anyone except their own kids, who have no choice but to put up with their lack of self-control.  I guarantee when they put their media together, they edit out the parts that would actually embarrass them, but include anything of their kids that they think will get clicks.  I hope the kids tag me in ten years on their Go-Fund-Me page to raise the money for their lawsuits against the parents, because deterring more of the same is one of the noblest causes I can think of. It has to be that one of these day care workers (“parent” seems too charitable a term for these childhood-wreckers) have a kid run up to them, as all mammals are want to do with a serious injury, and instead of heartbreak (the normal human reaction, prompting love, attention and care), the adults just see clicks and ‘likes’ just like a cartoon banker’s dollar signs in their eyes. The only punishment these people administer is not loving discipline for the future health of the child, but verbal abuse when a kid wipes away the blood from their own wounds before mommy has a chance to take a decent picture for her Instagram feed. You people suck! If there was a god your children would have been given to someone farther up the ladder of humanity, like the Uni-bomber or Bill Cosby or a sock puppet. So whenever this blog find its voice or whenever this thing ends, I just want to have avoided being that! And hopefully we’ll include some helpful tips and jolly anecdotes. Enjoy

How We Tame Our Laundry Mountains Click here to download the Laundry System Dresser Labels FROM WENDY: Aside from cleaning the bathroom, laundry is my least favorite chore Maybe it’s over the top describing laundry as oppressive, but it’s hard to come up with a better word for a task that can so quickly and completely engulf multiple days of the week, and multiple rooms of the house. One of the most exasperating phrases is my six-year-old hollering, “I don’t have clean pants,” when we’re already late for church. And then there’s that sinking feeling when you open the lid of the washer for the first time in three days just to discover a smelly, moldy load of washed clothes that never made it to the dryer. Plus, it never, ever, ever stops. Never. Ever. A couple years ago, tired of feeling like I was drowning each time I faced a daunting dozen loads of laundry, I scoured Pinterest for the best laundry system ideas. Our first system was completely liberating, mostly because it was when we started involving the kids. A shelf in our closet held an individual dirty laundry basket for each person in the family, and everyone had their own laundry day. Mondays were for one kid's laundry, Tuesdays for another, etc. That way everyone had their one load to put away only once a week, plus we were only washing and drying one load a day. The important key to this system is that the kids put away their own load (more on that below). This was great because it meant many days a week I didn’t have any laundry to put away. However, it did mean that I routinely had to deal with kid meltdowns over putting away their one laundry load, which they were sure was going to take f o r e v e r (insert moans and groans and children flinging themselves onto the floor). More recently, we updated to our current “one load a day” system. We keep a basket in the hall for everyone's dirty laundry. First thing in the morning, Jamin runs the load through the washer and the dryer, and brings it in for the kids to sort. The four oldest kids pull out what’s theirs and put it away, then bring the basket of what’s left into my room. So while this means everyone is putting away laundry every day, the chore only takes a few minutes since it’s only one day’s worth of clothes. This has been a much happier compromise, and also only requires one basket. Clearly, there are pros and cons to any system. There are a couple of things worth considering when you’re deciding on what works for your family. First, honestly evaluate your needs and constraints. For example, in our house during soccer season, soccer socks need to be washed daily, so a load-a-day system helps with that. Also, the washer and dryer are in Jamin’s studio, so laundry times for us have to revolve around his work schedule. Second, whatever you do, get the kids involved! Even toddlers can put their dirty laundry in the appropriate basket when they’re seeing their siblings do it every day. Preschoolers can start learning to put their clean laundry away. I try to keep it simple for them to learn by using the same dresser drawer setup for everyone. The kids all have three dresser drawers; top drawer for tops, middle drawer for bottoms, and bottom drawer for jammies and socks. You can put pictures on the fronts of the drawers too if that’s helpful for your kids as they’re learning the system. My biggest hurdle for this step was to lower my expectations. This was way harder for me than it should have been. Kids putting away laundry means that kids’ clothes may or may not be folded. Most likely not. I know, I know, but I promise, it’s okay, and no one is going to notice that your kids are wearing clothes that were balled up and shoved into their dresser drawer. Some of your kids at some point will start caring about neatness (I do have at least one of those), and at that point they will be willing to spend the time to fold. Until then, it’s not a hill worth dying on. Because in the end, I found it was worth sacrificing the organization of the kid dresser drawers in favor of having four fewer people’s laundry to put away. Not to mention the most important long term benefit: training the kiddos to be responsible for their own laundry. Imagine that, a day where they eventually take it all on themselves. I can hear the choir of angels singing. There is one drawback to any system; it will only work if you keep it working. Until Roomba makes a laundry robot, there will always be a component of laundry that we have to stay on top of. The system makes us more efficient, but if we don't stay on top of the system, it won't maintain itself. The key is finding the system that's going to require the least amount of work and provide the greatest level of sanity. JAMIN RESPONDS: After recording our video, I can better see why you like your system. I still think there's a more efficient system, but you feel strongly about laundry, so I'm fine with our compromise. FROM JAMIN: tldr: Everyone gets their own basket. Folding laundry is for suckers We do this wrong. But I'm only in charge of the washing and drying of the laundry, not the putting away, but hopefully by the time you read this, we've switched to the right way. First, here's the right way: "Hey kids putting away clothes really stinks, so I'm only going to make you do it once a week, and it's going to feel like a lot at first, but I'm going to teach you how to do it faster than all your friends; you're going to focus for one minute and then you won't have to do it again for a whole week!" Everyone has their own dirty clothes basket designated for them by colored tape. Towels/bedding is its own basket. Moms (and maybe dads, but not this dad) get a couple baskets for colors, dedicates, etc. If your young kids have delicates and permanent press clothes, just have your butler take care of the laundry and quit lurking around my blog to gawk at how us common folk live. Divide the number of baskets by 7 and that's how many loads you do a day. Make a routine: While the kids start their morning routine, you throw them (the clothes, not the kids) in the washer, unless a kid deserves it too, in which case, double the soap and schedule time to re-wash if they throw up during the spin cycle. At lunch you put the clothes in the dryer and forget about them. You'll get them the next morning or whenever laundry put-away time is. The kids are fine to air-dry. And for laundry put away time, we really mean laundry throwing time. Drawers suck unless you can open them all at the same time. You need bins. Open every bin. If you have drawers (3, for example) open the top and bottom drawer and you can make a single pile in front of the bottom drawer that will all go be shoved in the middle drawer at the end. This is just a sorting task; no folding. One clothing type per bin/drawer. If you have to put more than one type of clothing in a single bin/drawer, use a divider to make it into 2 compartments and, in case they jump the divider, only put the most visually dis-similar items together. Pants and shirts look the same at first glance. Socks and underwear can look the same. Underwear and shorts can look the same. If you must mix, mix underwear with shirts and socks with pants. Then if one of them jumps the divider it will be obvious and fixed sooner. Next, sit with your pile in front of all the open bins and throw each article like a mad man toward the appropriate bin. Sock-sock-shirt-pant-sock-underwear-shirt-shirt-pant-sock. BAM! 30 seconds later you sorted a week's worth of laundry and you're done for another 7 days! Hallelujah! There is a God after all and He has a plan for our lives. Let's go play Legos! Now the way we actually do it...parents get their own baskets (the right way) and kids have a communal basket (the wrong way). Parents' clothes are washed as needed, kids' are washed every day, so each day every kid just has a few clothes to put away (the day's clothes, PJ's, a change if they got muddy/dirty/wet, a soccer uniform, a tutu just because and a blue crayon because the one-year-old got confused during cleanup time last night). The single advantage to this system is that it feels like a manageable task even for small kids, so it fits nicely into a morning routine (another post for another time). Maybe that's a good enough reason to use this system. Whoever is in charge of put-away time should make the call on this one. With this system it's important to wait until the freshly-dressed kids are at breakfast to start the wash so you don't miss the PJ's they are about to throw in. But look - this is simple: the sucky part of laundry is the sorting. Sorting by kid; sorting by type (shirts/pants/etc.). When it's ON THE KID, it's sorted: those clothes belong to that person at least 51% of the time. Why would you have them un-sort their clothes after they take them off by mixing them in a basket with the other kids' clothes to be washed so they have to be re-sorted after they are washed? You're doubling the work you have to do. It's insanity! Plus, if you end up having to skip a day (and you will), when you finally get caught up, everyone feels like there is so much more than normal! If you kept it sorted by kid, it would feel like the same amount of work, just a day later. Either way you do it, don't do the laundry when it needs to be done. Do it when it's time. In other words, don't wait for the laundry baskets to be full. They will never be full. They skip straight from not full to overflowing. There are 8 of us in the house. If the laundry is half full and we skip it for a day, guess how many full outfits go in the basket the next day? If you guessed 8, you correctly guessed the minumum. Now the laundry is overflowing. Just like all our systems, consistency is key, and the system that still works during less consistent times is usually the best. I rest my case. WENDY RESPONDS: I do love your sorting system. Sounds super speedy and efficient. My only problem is with the people who are doing the sorting...you know they're children, right? Children have an amazing capacity to stretch a thirty second task into seventeen minutes of torture. Maybe when they're older we can convince them of the awesomeness of a once-a-week task. For now, we'll stick with the quick daily version. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FoUyjwhTSw