Coffee with The Couple Cure

In this episode, I ask Jay if he will answer some difficult question this season—questions like: --What are some tactics he used to get away with lying for so long? --How did he pretend to change--without really changing? --Was there a time he almost told the truth, but continued lying instead? --What emotions was he avoiding? --How did he feel when his accountability partners let him off the hook? --What is one thing he wants betrayed women to know? --Could he tell his heart was hardening? But the big question is: Will he reveal his secrets? (You can even leave your own questions in the comments if you'd like.) Timestamps: 00:00 Intro 01:24 Some hard questions for Jay 04:40 Will Jay share his secrets this season? 05:43 Your comments / questions 06:51 This season may be different (behind the scenes) 07:24 A request & recent happenings -- To Rebuild Trust - https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ To Recover from Betrayal Trauma - https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ To Recover from Addiction - https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww -- Who is This Channel For? If porn addiction has you stuck--whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship--this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay's porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we're using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you're seeking. #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice #tellingthetruth

In this, our last episode of Season 5, we address six ways to help you find out if you've been given the full truth / signs he might still be lying. We also cover what pressure can do to some addicts. (A big THANK YOU to everyone who submitted questions for this season. Thank you, especially, for allowing us to be a small part of your healing journey.) Timestamps: 0:00 Intro and Viewer Question 1:05 It depends on what you're looking for 2:21 General & ACTIVE self-deception 3:32 First: Ask for details/specifics 4:07 Second: Addicts, get curious about your own thoughts and actions 4:52 Third: Did he circle back 5:11 Forth: On staying concrete 6:49 Forth: LDTs (with some cautions and side notes) 9:26 An overall caution: this makes some addicts neurotic 10:21 Opening the door for more later ("I now know enough...") 11:44 Five: Ask what he suggests 13:39 Solution: If she can't trust you 100 percent* 14:15 Six: Things Jay learned that really helped 15:30 Something special before next season -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

In this episode of The Couple Cure, Jay tackles the question: 'How serious do I need to be about my recovery?' Using his own history and insights, he discusses the inevitable challenges and pushbacks you will face when you commit to a change, especially in the context of addiction or betrayal recovery. He emphasizes the importance of STARTING IMMEDIATELY, and understanding that obstacles will always be present. He also highlights the crucial role of certain life adjustments to stay on the path to recovery. Tune in to gain practical advice and encouragement for your own recovery journey. 00:00 Introduction & Question 00:06 Life always asks, "How serious are you?” (the first week of my diet) 01:22 The best time to quit is ALWAYS… and why 02:14 Solutions: Examples of being serious about it (for the betrayed spouse) * 03:55 The family life status quo (& other hurdles) 05:48 What needs to change? 06:29 More harm to your relationship / Expect hurdles 07:36 So how serious do you really need to be? 09:15 Solution: How to help her heal (a HUGE part of your recovery) * 10:26 If I am truly serious & final thoughts -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

Summary: Rebuilding Trust through Tangible Evidence of Change after Lies In this episode, we respond to a wife's question about the importance of seeing tangible evidence in her husband's growth process. We discuss the importance of PROACTIVE steps in behavior change, and share our own personal story after Jay had lied over 1000 times. The episode explores various ways to rebuild trust, like taking notes during counseling sessions and talking about that with the wife. It also includes several Biblical perspectives on the importance of bearing fruit as evidence of genuine repentance and change. 00:00 Intro & Question 00:35 Solution: A quick way to explain it to him* 01:07 How Jay explains it to clients / Solution: Different ways he rebuilt trust* 02:14 Marriage Counselor said, "If you had a crystal ball" 02:46 Evidence of true heart change (Saul to Paul) 03:25 On being like Thomas Edison 04:38 She will tell you... over time / Jay was too smart for his own good 05:34 Take Notes / How not doing so can impact wives 07:39 Solution: What to look for* 09:47 Why Counselors won't share his progress (& one option) 11:48 Bible says it's okay to want evidence (examples) -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

In this episode, recorded on New Year's Eve, we discuss the importance of having a solid plan to ensure your new year is better than the last. We delve into specific steps for making effective New Year's resolutions and highlight the significance of focus and new behaviors in achieving different outcomes. The episode offers guidance for addicts and their partners on formulating plans that go beyond mere intentions, and include practical action steps for accountability and sustained change. Timestamps 00:21 New Year, New You? (not without a different plan) 01:28 For the addict (look yourself in the eye) 02:01 Try a different January 02:49 Ask yourself these questions 03:31 If the answer is “No” 04:51 A FIRST STEP (a DIFFERENT starting point)* 05:23 The Critical SECOND STEP* 07:45 For the partner 08:10 The THIRD STEP 08:36 The FORTH STEP (Solution: times and tribes)* 10:25 Multi-plans 11:11 Solution: The CSI Investigation 13:23 Solution: Arrange to pay your enemy 14:20 If you still don't reach your goals -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

In this episode, we explore how addicts truly change by focusing on the impact of experiencing true pain and loss. Divided into two parts—one for non-Christians and the other for Christians—we discuss the significance of giving up power, inspired by scripture, to become truly healed and dependent on God. With references to personal anecdotes, men's magazines, 12-step programs, and the idea of renouncing 'boss' culture, the script emphasizes humility, acceptance of weakness, and the power of community support in the journey of recovery. The transformation journey includes practical examples and scripture, highlighting the importance of growth and moving beyond survival mechanisms to achieve true healing and integration into healthy, supportive communities. 00:00 Intro 00:43 The first way addicts change 01:21 Something else that can help 01:36 Majestic splendor 03:11 The power-over dynamic (helpless? dependent?) 04:34 What it might look like 04:59 Be the boss? 06:24 Solution regarding addictive thinking (what it looks like in practical terms) 07:47 Why the power-over dynamic might come up 08:55 Outgrowing it 09:46 Objections (but who is stronger?) 11:22 Solution: You're on land now (returning from the war) -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

***Trigger Warning for Alcoholics in Recovery*** In this episode, Jay addresses a common question addicts may have, along the lines of, “Will I have to pay for this forever?” He answers with the truth: After trust is broken by betrayal, it depends on how well the addict owns his part in her pain… and tries to aid in her recovery. 0:00 Introduction 0:21 Other forms of this question and initial answer 0:46 She doesn't limp (a real life example) 2:00 Jay's words to wives 3:01 Solutions for addicts* (Note: we don't condone hitting) 4:56 Add something to your program (the quickest way)* 6:14 Another word picture (The ICU) 7:19 Things she might say to you (any indication you're not safe) 8:46 Why birthdays and anniversaries may be hard for her 9:40 Can she forget this? Can she move forward? -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice #marriagerecovery

In this episode, we address a difficult question from a viewer about a lack of physical touch in her marriage, even while undergoing chemotherapy. We delve into the possible reasons behind her husband's behavior, including possible emotional retaliation or unresolved trauma. There is also compassionate advice on how to explore personal needs and desires, and questions to ask as you seek the right guidance to make informed decisions about the future, while we also emphasiz the importance of understanding misinterpretations, and the critical nature of aligning actions, personal values and God's guidance. 00:00 Introduction and Question 00:34 Ouch! (making you pay) 02:20 When he needs a licensed therapist 03:12 Solution: If you DID hurt him… but (one big caveat)* 04:28 Real life examples 05:57 When his bad side comes out (one extreme example) 07:01 Solution: How to decide your next step* 09:06 Look at what he IS doing 09:46 Solution: What is God saying (and if your gut instinct isn't in alignment)* 11:39 This might be a workable situation (unless he makes you pay elsewhere too) 13:02 He doesn't know how to take ownership 14:03 Solution: The REAL problem of misunderstandings 15:36 Conclusion and Wrap-Up -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

If you have ever been called a Drama Queen, this episode may help heal the sting of that label. But first, Jay and Lori tackle the issue of being flooded with bad memories right as you get close to forgiving him—even if your relationship has healed the broken trust. TIMESTAMPS 0:00 Intro & Question 0:52 Forgiving unrepentance? 1:41 Guys, if someone is against you… 2:35 Solution: Do these things proactively 3:25 Staying near him? 4:18 Intrusive Thoughts 5:05 Like-minded women 6:05 “But she has to forgive me” (A Solution) 6:58 Why intrusive thoughts remain (a question to ask) 7:58 Unsure of your response? 8:32 Is he sure he can stay sober? (his childhood) 9:53 When peace can trigger us 11:49 The “Drama Queen” label -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

***Trigger Warning: Given the sensitive nature of this topic, please proceed cautiously.*** Jay and Lori tackle the struggle of not feeling physically desired by the husband. They explore the intricate dynamics of femininity, desire, and physical appearance within a marriage. The discussion delves into misconceptions about desire versus lust. Lori shares her personal journey of reclaiming her own femininity, and how it started with unlikely sources. The episode also addresses the risks of a guy who only stays on the surface, encouraging listeners to cultivate confidence, while building a relationship where desire is communicated. Timestamps 00:00 Introduction, (deeply vulnerable) question & the 3 issues we'll address 01:11 Addicts are surprisingly prudish (one solution)* 04:00 Traditionally gorgeous women are cheated on (his looks) 05:42 Society confuses desire all the time (the part in us screaming to be desired) 08:08 Solution: Femininity and how I reclaimed mine* 09:16 What my Counselor said about arm-candy 10:39 Healing on our Saturday Dates (with other men?)* 13:14 It's usually about “novelty” (… or his maturity) 15:26 Appealing to THAT side of men 16:20 Changing the conversation where desire = lust (solution: what helped Jay) 17:11 Becoming addicted to your wife 18:00 Generalized vs Specialized Sexuality (fetishes vs “I really like her!”)* -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

Description In this short video, we discuss the issue of anger and withdrawal/retraction, and we'll cover what it looks like as the addicts we work with recover and learn new skills. At the end, we'll also give *one of the signs that the recovery is real* for you to look for. Timestamps 0:00 Intro and Question 0:22 They are two different issues (the bigger monster) 1:31 Anger is one of the first to come back (reconnecting AND a "cover") 2:24 Going beyond "I'm 90 days clean" 3:11 Withdrawing / Retracting (new skills for addicts) 3:27 Two steps forward, five steps back. Then it's... 3:43 *Solution: One thing to look for -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice #mentalhealth #addictiontreatment

In this episode, we discuss why you might feel the need to bring up past betrayals even years later. We explore what it means if you can't stop talking about it. Plus, we offer advice for the guys on how to have these difficult conversations, and give you alternative options if your partner doesn't want to talk about it. 00:00 Introduction 00:16 It's a sign 03:23 When guys say, “But you forgave me!” (absolution) 04:22 When to stop talking about it? (90% trust) 05:18 Yes, keep talking, but… (one caveat) 06:23 Solutions: Three options if he won't talk about it*** 07:32 Friends/Family (Solution: how to find out if they're safe)*** 09:09 Guys: an option to BOLDLY face it all 09:57 “I don't want to talk about this right now… (or any more)” 10:34 Regarding bringing it up to your husband (deathbed listening) 12:26 One thing to keep in mind (short phrases, repeated back) 13:07 Options for Guys (the car wreck)*** 15:29 Your Nobility (1 in 8 Billion) -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

(*Trigger Warning for the Final Section*) This heartfelt and candid video delves into a sensitive topic that some women struggle with: “Why do some husbands choose recovery while others do not. Is that about the wife… is that about me?” Prompted by a deeply vulnerable question from my client, MB, I explore various factors that might influence a man's decision to commit to recovery—coping mechanisms, risk and vulnerability, as well as the impact of past trauma—in an effort to help you put a few nagging, painful questions to rest. (But please note there is a ***Trigger Warning for the concluding segment*** which discusses sensitive topics like appearance.) Join me as we navigate these complex emotions and questions together. Timestamps 00:00 Introduction and Question 01:27 Trigger Warning (and where she was coming from) 02:41 Addressing: What's Wrong with Me? 03:06 If counselors had to guess between me and her 04:06 Even if the wife was a ‘true monster' 05:05 Coping mechanisms (“I'm the kind of guy who…”) 05:47 Real relationship might feel too vulnerable to him 07:32 Accolades are enough? 07:55 “It seems so easy!” (and the issue of The Void) 10:17 Understanding men's desires 12:14 “The steps aren't hard” and that's the unfortunate thing 14:03 Being known as a guy who… 14:28 Trigger Warning: The Looks Piece (it's about him) -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

Jay and Lori talk about the typical time it takes for an addict to readjust sources of dopamine, as well as why it can take longer… or shorter. Timestamps 0:00 Intro & Question 0:18 What the experts say 0:36 Solution: What helps it end overnight 1:13 When you should go longer -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

In this short video, we answer to the question, “Do all strugglers relapse” as well as the top two things partners can do if the addict keeps relapsing. We'll also share one of the first things addicts have to do in order to overcome porn. Timestamps 0:00 Introduction and first question 0:21 The first thing a guy has to do to quit porn 0:37 Top 2 things a partner can do (and do they work?) 1:24 Are our breathing techniques posted online (and why) 2:11 What we do with our clients -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

Join Jay and Lori Pyatt from The Couple Cure as they tackle two questions about screen addiction and boundaries for devices. In this short video, they discuss image addictions, strategies for effective accountability, and appropriate boundaries—including boundaries Jay holds himself to—as well as practical advice to help you navigate this challenging issue. Tune in to learn more about creating a balanced, tech-conscious home. The phone I use can be found here: Gabb Phone TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Introduction and This Week's Question 00:18 Understanding Image Addiction 00:41 Strategies for Effective Accountability 01:05 Appropriate Boundaries around Technology (Jay's personal boundaries) 02:03 Healthy Alternatives to Screen Time -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

Struggling with tips that don't help you HEAL? Maybe God has a unique plan for you, one that is key for long-lasting and UNBREAKABLE FREEDOM and JOY. Learn why your journey is different… and why that's to your greatest ADVANTAGE. Watch to reveal this EXTRA-ordinary path. Timestamps: 0:00 Welcome! Let's get moving… 0:47 Solution: A proven strategy for Trauma Healing 0:59 Exploring the backstory (fun, deep and CREEPY) 3:45 The first answer revealed (how to live) 4:35 The Ultimate Answer revealed & The FIRST PATH 5:44 The SECOND PATH: Going for it 9:43 What sparks it? Understanding the trigger 10:51 Faster Relief (from my journey to 4 key lessons) 12:35 Can you relate? How to move forward -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #betrayaltrauma #betrayalrecovery #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

This video offers a compassionate and practical approach to navigating an addicts relapse and lack of remorse, providing you with ways to foster healthier relationships. Join in and discover what JV does to find strength and resilience in the face of adversity. Timestamps: 0:00 Intro & Question 1:33 Main Answer Explained 2:55 First steps 3:25 When intuition suggests success 4:10 Rejecting this... (if he won't talk to you) 4:57 A needed type of physical touch 5:37 Steps for your toughest questions 5:57 Do this with your love... (outside the dynamic) 6:27 Expanding your world 6:56 Her most important move (extremely well, despite him) 7:35 When you feel distant from God... 8:06 Motivating positive change (this isolation) 9:28 Sparking change in addicts (it doesn't have to mean...) 11:16 Increase this healthy action 11:40 More intimacy for a s-x addict? 12:23 An alternative for lasting peace -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

If someone in your life says THEY CAN'T HELP HOW THEY ACT in relationship because of what happened to them in the past, we cover one way to tell, and offer a few solutions. Note: while this video is in response to someone's question about their husband [after a CSAT said ‘disclosure would be a waste of time,'] the concepts can be used in your other relationships as well. Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 0:07 Question: Disclosure a WASTE OF TIME due to…? (“EMOTIONAL INVALID”) 0:55 I explain EMPATHY Daily / I carry the load 1:15 Answer on having to explain EMPATHY 1:42 Solution: If counselor says DISCLOSURE is a waste of time 2:05 Solution: HOW TO KNOW if his past trauma halts your healing 3:00 Jay used past trauma to deflect (EMOTIONAL HIJACKING) 3:24 The more he feels REAL FEELINGS… 3:54 Answer regarding If he does have childhood trauma 4:31 Solution & THE KEY SIGN for Lori -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

Ever wonder if your relationship has (or if your relationships have) healed from the trauma you've experienced? *Note that, while this video mainly talks about marital relationships, the concepts APPLY TO YOUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS as well. If a well-meaning but uninformed friend, family member, counselor or church didn't understand what you were going through, we'll share some signs to know it might be safe to trust the relationship again.* While this video is not a definitive list, it covers 15 signs we noticed in our own marriage, as well as things our clients exhibit as trust is rebuilt. Timestamps: 0:00 Introduction & Disclaimer 0:40 (1) This thinking changes 2:07 (2) “I'm gonna do this no matter what!” 2:54 (3) Accepting he is an addict (and what Lori used to think) 4:20 (4) Allies 5:01 (5) When he appreciates… 5:46 (6) Triggers 7:21 (7) Treating you as an equal, not as… 8:28 (8) His engagement in the relationship (not abdication, but also not…) 9:45 When Jay elbowed his way into our spiritual life together 10:08 Solution: Guys do this to help her heal 10:32 (9) Taking your feedback 11:24 (10) An early sign the relationship is healing—and the ‘her pain' word picture that makes Lori cry 13:56 (11) When bad conversations are rare because of this… 15:32 (12) Recovering after bad conversations 16:12 (13) Peace, here 16:37 (14) He burned your life down, but… 17:27 (15) The ultimate thing that can give you peace in your relationship -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

***Disclaimer: You may have signs of healing that are not on this list. This list is not definitive; it's just what we have seen in our work with betrayed partners of porn addicts / sex addicts.*** Ever wonder if you'll know when you've healed from the trauma you've experienced? This video covers many signs Lori noticed in her own life, and that our clients exhibit as they recover as well. Timestamps: 0:00 Intro and *Disclaimer* (and what to expect) 1:04 1-Your creativity will… 3:05 2-Techniques that work for you 3:35 3-Playing again 4:36 4-Regarding the brain fog 5:22 5-Problems with computers/phones 6:43 6-Regarding your household tasks 7:31 7-When you sleep at night 8:35 One thing that increases brain fog 9:05 8-You and Grace 10:01 9-When you say, “I matter” 10:39 10-Happiness or manic-ness (I used to fake it) 11:21 11-The smaller joys 12:33 12-Your triggers 12:44 13-New experiences (a client story) 13:53 Your triggers, revisted 16:01 14-Things that concerned you before… 16:31 15-Getting excited about… (and our cat, Morgan) -- https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/ - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com/contact-me/ - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

Sometimes addicts answer with “I don't know” to questions like, “when did it start?” “how often?” and “did you ever see ___?” And his not knowing can leave the betrayed partner feeling very skeptical. Is it possibly he really doesn't remember? This video dives into that question. Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 0:07 Question: Do porn addicts really not remember some specifics? 0:23 What one CSAT said (it IS possible) 1:21 Jay's memories 1:44 When betrayed partners have to ask just the right question (openness) 2:37 One caution to porn/sex addicts -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

Join us as we tackle what recovering addicts need to watch out for on the journey to sobriety. We'll give practical tips for those in recovery such as avoiding triggers, the “why” behind choosing sobriety, as well as why YOUR PARTNER IS NOT YOUR ENEMY. Because we include a couple of solutions (including an easy way to see if you're edging) this video can help you increase your self-awareness and decrease your dependency, and also support your wife's healing. Oh, and here is the link to the video we reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBrVb9T4Bxk) Timestamps 0:00 Intro 0:53 1-Sobriety does not heal relationships if... (& re-sensitization) 4:11 2-Visual Sips / Solution: One second=look. Two seconds= … 5:10 Solution: One easy way to see if you might be edging 6:47 3-Doing this for someone else / then they "become the problem" to you 8:01 4-"But no one can get free of this!" / when the little blue pill didn't work 9:25 5-Groups where the leader isn't free / "I'm gonna stumble eventually" 11:17 6-Wanting her to celebrate right away / why she's still leery 13:10 7-Two SIGNS you might be on the slippery slope 15:11 8-My wife can't give me that level of... / how Jay answers that now 18:03 9-She should never be an ‘enemy' to you / when she's treated as your equal 19:44 Solution: Feel she is your enemy? / she helps with a goal of yours 21:46 10-Impatience might be a sign that… / Solution: one of the first things you can do -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

What should you do if the addict keeps relapsing/betraying you–especially if your friends keep telling you to leave? Should you divorce? Should you stay? Can life get any better if he keeps relapsing and lying? We talk about this, while giving you 3 things to try. 0:00 Intro 0:07 Question: My friends say I should leave my husband because he keeps relapsing–what do you think? 0:26 Lori's thoughts (what she told one friend) 0:48 You can stay and have a really good life 1:01 Solution 1: God / Viewing the relationship differently 2:50 Narcotics Anonymous says it this way 3:34 Relapse is not inevitable if… 3:54 Solution 2: What makes recovery easier 4:23 Solution 3: “Give back” to your wife versus to a group (and why) 4:58 What Jay used to say about his relationship with God -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

In our work, we have seen some husband's who have lied about their wives to the helping community–lying to pastors, counselors, family and friends–about her. Or the husband will diagnose her with a mental disorder of some sort. We address that topic, as well as what a partner can do, in this situation. 0:00 Intro & Question 0:34 When the husband thinks, “My apology should be enough!” 0:50 One early professional opinion 1:13 Solution for partners (and what the addict can do) 2:16 The main goal of his helping community 2:47 A probable truth about your husband 3:07 Solution: One thing you can say to your husband 3:43 Solution: Another thing you can say -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

There are many things I wish I had known right after D-Day… things that would have helped me recover more quickly. In this video, I cover several of them, and Jay gives extra input from the addict-who's-found-sobriety point of view. (Please note: We do not condone hitting your spouse. If this is happening, please reach out to your local shelters/authorities.) Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 0:23 Coming down hard on yourself regarding boundaries 0:55 I'm in!!! I'm out!!! (what many guys do with this and one Solution) 2:46 Solution: How to find safe people & safe counselors 5:05 One way to keep from being blinded: Change your job description (Guys, nurse her back to health) 8:16 Solution to “falling for lines” 9:53 One clear sign Jay was taking his addiction recovery seriously 10:22 Solution to “You're being too sensitive!” 11:16 Getting back at him / betraying yourself 12:58 Some addicts think, “It's a license to keep acting out” -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

In this video, we discuss a difficult topic, so if you're not up for that right now, feel free to come back later. But it's happened often enough over the last several years we thought we would cover it. And that hard reality is this: marriages in this particular helping community have been ending, or there's been hidden relapse. It's a serious topic, but we strive to give you some hope. - Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 0:10 How this season will go 1:41 Marriages in this field are ending (relapsing) 2:17 Jay's sobriety/our update (how to help) 5:15 If that happened to us (recovery is more than the addiction) 7:46 Regarding those relationships that have ended 8:33 Our marriage therapists divorced 9:24 Solution: avoiding complacency 10:21 Solution: a critical step (healthy community) 10:55 How we strive to help 11:45 Lori's answer to: It must be so romantic 12:33 What we hope to give you this season (have questions?) https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

What caused Jay to take all of this more seriously (even if he felt attacked)? And what would cause Matt to say, “This is stupid!” We cover both of those here, in this LAST EPISODE OF THE SEASON. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:19 Did Jay feel like doing those things when he felt unfairly attacked? * 2:59 One Solution: Giving guidance vs “This is stupid” * 4:11 Jay took it more seriously because he knew this… 4:52 One Solution: How we phrase it instead 5:38 Steps Jay and Lori took 6:35 One Solution: Shared experiences can be risky (so wives consider trying…) 8:07 For the betrayed/traumatized regarding the “Right” way to do this * 8:26 What we tell couples 10:03 Where to subscribe for next season -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #trauma #relationships #rebuildtrust #marriageadvice

Transitioning from dating to marriage has its challenges, even without addictions. But healing a relationship after betrayal is even more challenging. Here are some things you can do to make the process easier–without resenting your spouse–especially if you're trying to rebuild trust. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:11 It doesn't take much 1:06 What some guys resent 1:46 The counselor told Jay, “You can't crank her up like a machine and expect…” 2:14 What Matt thought marriage would be like (dating) * 2:50 One Solution: If he had continued dating his wife 3:40 Being intentional about continuing to date each other * 4:00 How a “perceived lack of finances” can impact relationships 4:56 Solutions to a lack of finances while rebuilding trust * 7:02 $7 cheese and other trees 9:09 In the next episode: How to rebuild trust when you feel attacked -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

Rebuilding trust takes more than honest answers to the questions you are asked. You have to share what is going on for you without being prompted. This is huge in rebuilding trust after betrayal. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:12 Not lying but not sharing (this) either * 2:37 One Solution: Share thoughts & feelings for connection 3:41 One Solution: Openness vs honesty to rebuild trust * 5:36 Matt's lightbulb moment: “It meant we weren't freaks” 7:36 Blind spots may be why good men harm relationships * 8:14 One Solution: One of the best things Lori did for Jay's blind spots (***NOTE: Lori only did this after she knew Jay wouldn't use the information against her***) 10:44 In the next episode: One thing some guys resent -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

Connection doesn't just happen. You have to make plans and create opportunities to connect. This episode shows specific ways to do this that may work better for both partners. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:24 Because it was majestic or because it was shared? 1:29 One Solution: Face-to-face and Shoulder-to-shoulder * 4:03 From intense talks every night to resting * 6:27 The ‘majestic or shared' question answered 8:05 One Solution: Porn use parallels the desire for human connection 8:42 In the next episode: One thing many guys hide -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice #brokentrust

This video covers some brain science behind video games. We also discuss how Jay replaced his entertainment addiction with a bigger life so he could finally feel satisfied. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:21 The brain science? (It simulates success) * 1:46 Distraction due to trauma? (What many addicts do) 4:01 Lori to Jay: “You can't sit still” 4:32 How to create something healthier 5:07 The doctor said, “Video games WILL affect his mood” 5:38 One Solution: How Jay replaced it with a bigger life * 8:28 It's not as bright, but it is more valuable 8:47 Solution: Measuring the difference (Entertainment vs whales & trees) 10:58 Satisfaction compared to video games * 11:20 In the next episode: 2 ways to connect after broken trust -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

This episode covers video games and hobbies, and how being distracted by learning things can harm trust restoration. We also discuss how entertainment actually helped our relationship. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:11 How video games affected our marriage 1:42 I couldn't entertain him 2:55 One Solution: Watch out for dissociation * 5:45 Distracted by learning (but not applying) 7:37 Solutions: Some refreshing time is needed (when distractions help) * 8:53 How Jay helped Lori with video games, etc 10:10 In the next episode: Entertainment vs True Satisfaction -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

In this video we discuss two addictions we haven't covered before, as well as 2 different kinds of values. WE also discuss the issue of faking vulnerability. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:15 Video games and hobbies (where we invest our time in relationships) 0:39 Stated Values vs Lived Values (“not demonizing those activities”) * 2:51 This can lead to even more broken trust 3:44 Stated values may be about our image 4:21 One Solution: Stated values is the goal vs. Craving the approval of others * 5;43 One Solution: How to name emotions 8:23 One Solution: One thing that would do wonders for relationships * 9:18 One Solution: A place guys can learn vulnerability, not faking it 11:12 Why Matt would “Say it all” now? Practice 11:40 “Thank goodness someone finally said it” vs “Not willing to go there” 12:47 In the next episode: Can video games actually help after broken trust? -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

How do you know if you should stay or go? And what would cause Lori to say, “I am more important than ___”? We discuss those topics with author and coach, Matthew Fray, as well as what if he never gets it? TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:15 What Matt would have told Jay and Lori to do back then 1:24 One Solution: Where to draw the line between staying or going? * 4:22 One Solution: Support network (and being validated) * 5:54 The guy may eventually ‘get it,' but if not… 7:24 Not advocating for divorce, but health * 8:28 "I am more important than my marriage" 9:44 In the next episode: 2 Values / 2 Other Addictions -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

In this conversation with Matthew Fray, we discuss different viewpoints if it appears the guy isn't ‘all in.' We also cover one thing Lori HAD to start trusting Jay would do. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:15 If he (or she) doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore… * 3:07 When guys don't want to change (instead adding lies) 4:55 What if he's not 'all in' * 8:39 "I had to start trusting that he would hurt me" 10:11 One Solution: A different way to "have more faith in people" 10:56 In the next episode: Should you stay or go? -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

How can a guy keep himself from mistreating–or even abusing–his partner? And how do you even start talking about those behaviors? Those are a couple of topics we discuss with author Matthew Fray in this video. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:18 Betrayal trauma & how it is the dividing line 2:08 One Solution: How to not be a mistreater/abuser * 3:20 The hard word: Abuse (...and ADHD) 5:04 One Solution: A way to talk about abuse * 7:36 One Solution: The challenge with validating in this area 9:39 The impact of habitual porn use on empathy 11:23 Toxic, clueless or teachable? 12:40 In the next episode: What if he's not all in? -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #abuse #mistreatment #validation #empathy

Are safety and trust the same thing? This video will look at safety and trust from different angles, and it also covers why a guy may get defensive over those topics, and “What if the guy doesn't change?” TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:14 Are safety & trust the same? 0:47 Maslow's Hierarchy & trust 1:53 One Solution: If people prioritize safety & trust AND…… 2:47 Lori & Jay's take on safety & trust 5:17 "But I'm not trying to hurt her" (why men may be defensive about safety & trust) 7:45 What if the guy never changes? * 8:42 Solutions: What does safety look like (practically) when she can't trust him * 11:37 "If I (did this) I could take care of myself financially" 12:46 In the next episode: Mistreatment or even abuse, and what guys can do instead -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

In the continued conversation with Matt Fray, we cover a few different kinds of guys, including guys who get defensive, guys who fix, guys who ‘don't get it,' and guys who are teachable. We also discuss why Lori would say, “That's not how relationships work,” and why Matt would say, “Can you just care?” TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:17 When he feels defensive, it helps to remember… / Secure Attachment 1:39 One Solution: Instead of "fixing it," try this... 3:46 Good people can be bad spouses (“Can you just care?”) * 5:54 “He may mean well, but he just doesn't get it” 6:36 One Solution: The word that may bring out the protector in guys 7:05 Learning & teachability (“That's not how relationships work”) * 8:43 “But porn is okay!” 9:43 In the next episode: “What if he never changes?” -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #betrayal #relationships #pornaddiction #marriageadvice

How does validation heal broken trust… especially if he constantly chooses himself over her? And how can he conquer the monsters betrayal usually brings? We discuss these with Matt Fray in this video, as well as how just agreeing on the surface can harm relationships. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:17 How agreeing (on the surface) can make things worse * 2:10 Not living in integrity 2:51 One Solution: Validation can always work * 3:36 "100% of the time: if Matt doesn't agree, he chooses himself over me" 6:14 Past events + current events suggest it will continue * 7:42 "I didn't try to hurt you, so stop attacking me" 8:54 One Solution: We invalidate just to have an interesting conversation (try this instead) 9:46 How to be the "Monster-Conquering Hero" 10:55 In the next episode: Defensiveness & what can be done instead -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matthew Fray's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #trust #validation #safety #relationships

This video covers 3 places guys get stuck in broken trust, how he can connect with her pain after broken trust, and what to know if a guy is saying, “Aren't you over that yet?”. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro / Boys don't cry? 0:40 One Solution: How guys can connect with her pain * 3:27 "Aren't you over that yet?" (Therapists said it will take this long) * 5:52 Guys say, "But I don't agree with her." (agreeing vs validating) 8:12 3 places guys can get stuck * 9:15 "If he doesn't agree with me, he abandons me" 11:16 The person I want to be 11:54 One Solution: An important mindset to have * 15:08 In the next episode: “... why does she keep attacking me?” -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matt's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #validation #trust #safety #relationships

Disagreements can lead to 3 types of invalidation, as well as 1 unique way invalidation erodes trust–especially when she feels he doesn't understand her pain. We discuss this with Matt Fray, as well as a couple things the guy can do instead. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:14 Our male clients have a lot of trouble with this 1:05 One Solution: How Matt explains it to male clients * 1:51 How disagreements lead to invalidation 2:41 3 ways we habitually invalidate (the triple threat) * 6:27 Another thing that erodes trust (he'll do it again) * 7:55 How Jay created greater breakdown with Lori 9:01 One Solution: Pain is part of the healing process? Instead try this… 10:54 In the next episode: “Isn't she over this yet?” -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matt's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #trust #relationships #invalidation #pain

Why is validation one quick way to heal trust? Because without it she will have a difficult time healing within the relationship. This video covers that concept, as well as why sexual affairs may be easier than emotional affairs. (Jay and I also talk about the guys we have a difficult time helping.) TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:13 Validation, Restoring Trust & Self-Awareness 2:24 Usually this doesn't work early on 2:56 Treatment Induced Trauma 3:32 One Solution: She can't heal within the relationship unless… * 4:51 It's a brain thing 5:31 Why sexual affairs may be “easier” 7:02 Guys we have a difficult time helping 8:58 A favorite tool of addicts and chronic mistreaters * 10:46 In the next episode: 3 ways guys invalidate pain -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matt's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #validation #trust #affairs #marriageadvice

What's the first thing a guy should do if he's harmed the relationship, and what can make him “get it” more quickly? Also what can the lady do if his goal is to have an affair? We discuss those topics with author Matt Fray. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:11 What if his goal is to have an affair? 1:09 One Solution: The quickest way to make him ‘get it' * 1:57 The first thing a betrayer should do (a radical mind shift) 3:46 One Solution: The ‘big ask' in Matt's coaching 4:45 What if he says, “Well, she does this” * 7:56 In the next episode: Restoring trust and what can keep her from healing within the relationship -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matt's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #affairs #betrayal #coaching #relationships

Unfortunate ideas can get twisted in a person's mind, leading them to have affairs; ideas like, “But if my wife were the right person…” We discuss this with author Matt Fray, and we also cover the question: Are emotional affairs truly affairs–and what can make it all less difficult? TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro / Defensiveness & intimidation 1:25 “I care about you, but I care about myself more” 2:20 Can be abusive (“don't ruin my good time”) 3:21 Are emotional affairs truly affairs? * 6:39 One solution: Why not create that with your wife? 7:18 If (this) then it's not difficult 7:42 This blindness can lead to affairs * 10:05 “But if my wife were the right person…” * 12:42 Getting help: what it is and isn't 13:14 In the next episode: What if the goal is to have an affair? -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matt's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #defensiveness #affairs #emotionalaffairs #relationships

Can porn use and lies lead to PTSD? And what can be done when someone says, “Why won't you lighten up?” We cover those topics in our continued talk with author, Matt Fray. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:20 Unmet needs & PTSD after broken trust * 0:58 The addicts we see tend to focus on these needs 1:43 One solution to “Why won't you lighten up?” * 2:42 Death by 1000 cuts 3:12 Porn use & Lies (“our early mistakes”) 4:38 Whether affairs, prostitutes or porn… * 5:37 Porn can be more than a breach of trust; it can actually cause PTSD 7:24 Disclaimer: Please seek a licensed professional if needed 8:09 In the next episode: Emotional affairs & what can be done instead #betrayaltrauma #needs #pornaddiction #lies

Are her needs more important than his? No, but as you'll see in this video, his most important needs are usually already met. Our female clients can't say the same, and this reduces feelings of safety. But is safety actually a need? TIMESTAMPS 0:00 Intro 0:11 Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs within relationships * 1:32 Different levels of needs 4:22 One Solution: Safety is also about reliability (so prioritize it) * 6:15 Jay's caution: Some emotional abuse happens through sex * 8:17 A story about reliability 8:43 Maslow's Needs & Self-Actualization 10:11 In the next episode: How the needs addicts focus on tends to harm relationships -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matt's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #safety #needs #trust #connect #relationships #marriageadvice

What if the person who's broken your trust says, “I did that because I can't trust you!” Today we cover that, as well as the topic of vulnerability with author Matt Fray. TIMESTAMPS 0:00 Intro 0:11 When the man who broke trust says he can't trust her * 2:08 Vulnerability isn't weak (it's THIS that's weak) 3:42 Hiding (this) from the partner * 4:07 One Solution: Something that leads to relief * 5:20 In the next episode: Safety in relationships -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matt's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #trust #addicts #joy #vulnerability

“Change doesn't happen until it gets painful enough.” Is this true, and if so, what does it look like? That's what we cover with author and coach Matt Fray. TIMESTAMPS 0:00 Intro 0:11 Will it take divorce before he ‘gets it'? 2:02 What gets through to guys * 4:20 It doesn't take more pain when these things happen 7:46 One Solution: One way for guys to learn vulnerability 9:34 One Solution: How to increase intimacy (Note: Please go at the betrayed partner's speed) * 10:31 In the next episode: Hiding certain things from your partner -- https://thecouplecure.com - Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com - Matt's website https://pornpainhealed.com - Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com - Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #vulnerability #boundaries #divorce #intimacy

Matthew Fray tells what it all comes down to in marriage… and how he felt right after his divorce. Also find out when he would tell a person, “Fine, then don't be married.” TIMESTAMPS 0:00 Intro / The crux of it all in marriage * 2:45 What defined Matt's emotions? / Who is most responsible? 3:59 “7 out of 10 marriages end” * 6:19 What ruined Matt's last day of work 8:29 Jay commends Matt for this 9:47 How Matt felt right after his divorce 10:45 One Solution: Key to successful relationships * 11:35 If it's not a 10 on the pain scale… 11:55 In the next episode: Will it take divorce for him to get it? — https://thecouplecure.com – Jay and Lori's website https://matthewfray.com – Matt's website https://pornpainhealed.com – Lori's site for betrayed partners https://porniskillingme.com – Jay's site for porn addiction recovery #trust #marriageadvice #divorce #relationships

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfdAB7hjhME This episode covers a little about Matt's divorce and his two main focal points in marriage. 0:00 Intro 0:07 Solutions: The two main things Matt works on with his clients * 1:58 Jay's story / Lori's story 8:37 Jay and Lori's mentoring program 10:33 Matt's story 12:31 What Matt was adamant about regarding marriage * 13:24 “What's her problem?” 14:32 In the next episode…