Hatewatch With Us: A Variety Show for Sarcastic People

Outlander returns to Starz this Friday, 6/16 and thus we return to your feeds from our similarly haphazard and only vaguely explicable hiatus. Now we know you all have heard our feelings about Outlander since we basically haven't published any other shows since the last season, so we decided we'd switch it up this time and once again attempt to teach Kirstie how brackets work to determine the best Outlander Theme Song. We've got greatest hits such as Scotland (Penny Whistle's Version), The One With The Man, and many others. Join us for a surprise plot twist that no one but Kelsey (and anyone who saw the seeds for the bracket) saw coming, and find out which Outlander Theme Song is the One True Theme song.

Thanks to the music and influence of Celine Dion we are returning to your feeds at long last! After waiting actual years, we've been blessed with TWO trailers for the Sam Heughan - Pryanka Chopra - Celine Dion romantic comedy Love Again and we are READY folks. We'll be back in earnest later this spring but in the meantime please enjoy this bonus ep!

We're back to shout about one of our favorite things to shout about: Outlander! We're sharing the things we loved, hated, and loved to hate about Outlander Season 6 (MARK ME, we loved more things than we hated?). From the season that brought us such metaphors as THE-STORM-THE-WAR, we were also given gifts like the Benjamin Moore Outlander collection, throuple plots, justice for Fergus, and Matthew B Roberts' PR exit. Did we need season 6? No. Are were here now? Yes. So pour yourself a giant G&T and enjoy recapping with us!

Like grandma-starved wolves from the moon, we are descending from the abyss to grace your sound space with an episode of our podcast. We are debrieifing the 2022 Eurovision Song Contest and spoiler alert this is a pro Subwoolfer/anti sad boy ballad podcast.

If we can't have Mamma Mia 3 (yet), we CAN have sequined jumpsuits and blush wine and The Lost City. We went to the movies, together, in-person! to see this film and we're here to report that the Rom Com is alive and well in the year of our lord 2022!

Scan your boarding pass and remove your shoes because this week are are taking our newfound Infrastructure obession to the skies with Heathrow: Britain's Busiest Airport. What started as an ode to our mom Julie Walter's quickly evolved into a love deeper than the baggage department under terminal 2 of Heathrow. This sleeper hit has it all from mundane workplace victories, to crime sniffing dogs and our favorite Heathrow employee, Demi.

Outlander Season 6 is finally here! Join us for our preview of the season, a little time travel, and our thoughts on the season premiere. While we can count the never-ending cold open among the things we lost in France, we've got some positives in there too, like Emmy-worthy crazy eyes acting and what promises to be our drinking game this season, sniffing out the essence of Tequila Sam wherever we can (10/10 would purchase that fragrance???). Anyway, we're happy to be back on the Ridge, even if there's glass in the windows.

Say Yes to the RomCom Renaissance! We are here with JLo/Peacocks new romcom Marry Me and not only do we have some feelings about it but we have feelings about the American Song Contest, planes, the hotness of various Wilson brothers, and a variety of other topics. We're all just here to have a good fun time.

It's everyone's favorite way to kick off a new year, only one month late! Pilot Palooza is back folks, and we've drafted six pilots to catch ourselves up on the 2021 tv discourse: All Creatures Great and Small, We Are Lady Parts, The Sex Lives of College Girls, Reservation Dogs, Euphoria, and Maid. Spoiler alert: they all slap (with one notable exception - bet you can't guess!).

Its our favorite show of the year! We are here once again with the only award show you really need this year, the Really Fucking Good Television Award Show for Nice People Only, where only good television and nice people are allowed. This year features an unprecedented amount of asses, assless chaps, Barenaked Ladies, sex puns and trains. There are plenty of twists and turns, from our favorite Canadian, to our most Romantical Moments, to the who is truly the Hottest and Tallest man of 2021. Next up is Pilot Palooza!!

This episode was meant to be your Christmas week content but new year same us so we're ushering 2022 with the last of our Hatewatch Holidays 2021 content. We've got face blindness, knitting vigilantes, and a brief visit from our best Hallmark friend Lacey. Stay tuned for our favorite new year traditions, Awards and Pilot Palooza!

As far as Christmas magic goes, there's nothing quite as magical as Sam Heughan's tight white pants in the 2011 timeless classic, A Princess for Christmas (Christmas for Princess? who's to say?). Today we're bringing you a rerelease of our of 2018 episode about this fine film. Enjoy!

'Tis the season for Vanessas Hudgens! Your favorite holiday tradition returns with the 2021 Thought Bubble Audio holiday special. This year, we're recapping Netflix's The Princess Switch 3: Romancing the Star, a film that gave us the gift of 'WE HAD A STEAMY' despite only featuring three Vanessas. If you enjoyed this, visit thoughtbubbleaudio.com to check out all of TBA's shows. Special Guests: Frank Ramblings, Palmer, and Tim.

It's the most Hatewatchable Time of the Year - Hatewatch Christmas 2021 is well underway and this week we are coming in hot with two entries from Hallmark full of time travel, cats, and infrastructure galore. First it's the Nine Kittens of Christmas, a movie where not much happens except a venue for our annual debate about the merits of Hallmark fucking. Next is Next Stop Christmas, and folks Hallmark had no right making this film just for us. If you like trains, time travel, and dunking on New England this has got it all.

Much like Jennifer Lopez arriving in her corporate apartment after a plot twist in her journey to become a manager without a college degree, we are smashing expectations by extending Dad Month two months later than originally scheduled and arriving at the start of the Hatewatch Holiday season with a surprising touch of the holiday spirit. As Treat Dad once famously said in this film, "that was some crazy shit!". We promised you a Mom entry into Dad Month and that will still be coming but likely in January, so stay tuned because, much like adopted mothers and daughters being reunited inexplicably in the middle of a romcom, more crazy shit is yet to come!

When we said Dad Month did you expect it to take us a month to release a new Dad episode? Same! Anyway, we're here today to discuss Billboard Dad, Tom Amande's inexplicable suave, the bizarre investment of the Venice, CA Bureau of Commerce, bedrooms decorated like coral reefs, and teenage swim instructors who have too much interest in their diving team. Stay tuned for the next installment of Dad Month because somehow it's going to be even more buck wild?

IT'S DAD MONTH, Y'ALL! We're kicking things off with a listener request featuring our very good dad Pierce once again just absolutely thriving in the campiest dad roles of our generation. And while we can't agree that anyone was clamoring for Jeff Bezos' Cinderella, we ARE clamoring for Pierce Dad's Oscar for this role. We've got lots of thoughts about what injustice Bezos has inflicted on us this time, like using his space technology to create CGI mice, subjecting us to an hours-long montage to Let's Get Loud, and letting James Corden do dick jokes. After we spend roughly an hour questioning WHO IS THIS FOR? we have some fun new segments like creating Mamma Mia board games, the Sam Heughan James Bond Google Alerts Temperature Check™️, and forgetting to tell you about Dad Month until the last minute of the show. Stay tuned for the next installment of Dad Month: Billboard Dad!

Just as Lifetime has a mandate from God or some one to make television bioepics about the Royal Family, we have a mandate from Podcasts to cover them, so here we all are for this unhinged moment in television and world history: Harry and Meghan Escaping the Palace. We will not be silent or silenced on our thoughts about this film, the cosumting, or the bronzer crimes.

Apparently what we were waiting five was Daniel Radcliffe doing a rendition of She'll Be Coming Around The Mountain in assless chaps (bless you Miracle Workers??). But once we get through that extremely urgent late-breaking red alert (3REAL5US), we're really here to talk about Girls5Eva. Join us for New York Lonely Boys, Tina Fey/Dolly Parton hallucinations, 4 Stars, and a 5 minute long promo of what we're going to be on our bullshit about next.

This week we're back on our bullshit with two TV for Nice People Only. Both Miracle Workers and Ted Lasso are back, and somehow this epode was recorded before EITHER SHOW's big 3rd/4th episode but trust that we're ready to talk about it. Enjoy 45 minutes of pure delight about two delightful shows. We're happy about Roy Ken's facial hair and DanRad's child star money and infinite professional bliss. If you're happy about these things two consider giving us five star reviews! Ted Lasso believes in you!

We're back and here to talk about many things, but mainly how unreasonably hot Paxton Hall-Yoshida is! That's right, it's the Golden Month of Television and we're kicking things off with season two of Never Have I Ever, a Hatewatch Our Joy mainstay that generates an equal ratio of tears to google searches about male characters' heights. Please enjoy our raw, unedited, earnest feelings about this show and what we owe to Mindy Kaling and also what we absolutely do not owe to our two-star reviewer (no, we're not over it). If you missed us, be sure to check out the Everwood Pinecast (http://everwoodpinecast.com/), where we've been busy recapping season one of the hit WB series Everwood (which Never Have I Ever may have stolen IP from, who's to say???).

We're coming at you late from the throes of Hot Vax Summer with the most important updates of the year. First, Lil Fingers QuarCor! Then, Sam Heughan's Whiskey! And just when you think you've had enough, it's EUROVISION 2021. We Don't Feel Hate for our lives at this moment in episode history.

We are filthy trash dogs folks, hear us roar. We love trash so much because we come from a long line of trash dogs and as such we could not resist revisiting the ultimate filthy trash dog, the 2017 ABC 8 episode one hit wonder, Downward Dog. TL;Dr we still don't know why everyone except us loved this show but we sure don't!

Consider this week's episode to be another installment in the classic series Netflix, What Have You Done?! We watched the reality home buying/wedding planning show Marriage or Mortgage so you don't have to. Come for the complete unabashed psuedo HGTV emotional war crimes, stay for Kelsey's crusade to defend the honor of Love It or List It????

Trailer for our new podcast, the Everwood Pinecast

We did it Joe! We launched another podcast! After years of r&d we are finally able to present to you our extremely timely show recapping the 2002 WB cult classic Everwood, in all of it's early aughts glory. Come for the moral panic, stay for our Dad.

Grab your tobbogans and your gas masks folks because we're boarding a train to a whole new world of trains and infrastructure. The good news, we've found the intersection of our brand containing both Trains and Sam Heughan, the bad news, it's Action Hallmark. It's always Christmas, the good guy always wins, and there's always bombs on trains. We are heart broken to be winding down Our Month on the Rails, but we are so grateful you joined us all for the ride.

This is it, after a long month winding through the country side, we have climbed the mountain and reached the absolute pinnacle of our life on the rails, where we found Coastal Railways with Julie Walters. We've seen a lot trains and a lot of countryside but we have never seen anything as joyful as Julie Walters riding the train. We're smoking some fish, touring some trailers, eating some lobsters, and learning a lot about victorian train ettiquette.

Sometimes you're chugging along a highway, sometimes you're running along a scenic river gorge, and sometimes you're navigating across the Great Glen Way on 70 miles of plastic rail. We're joining our friend Dick Strawbridge in the journey to Fucking Inverness this week on The Biggest Little Railway in the World. Come for the model trains, stay for the friendship. At the intersection of our inexplicable brand you'll find Scotland, Nice People, Dick Strawbridge, british people, infrastructure, Love Productions and (checks notes) Hamm Analysis???? Anyway, we just really love trains.

It's Infrastructure Month! Hope y'all like TRAINS. We're kicking things off by exploring Norwegian Slow TV, or as we like to call it, free therapy. They've got knitting, they've got boats, but most of all, they've got trains. Somehow along the way during our seven hour Bergen line YouTube journey, we discovered that Train TV is actually for us? Please tell us about your favorite routes and whether or not you think mountains should categorically be allowed in the game of Hot or Tall! And next week: MORE TRAINS.

We are traveling through the highlands of Scotland to explore the highs of Sam Heughan's turtle necks, the rich valleys of Sam Heughan and Graham McTavish's thighs, and understand our roots as travel show/hot-and-tall enthusiasts. While we're on the subject, stay tuned for the end as Kelsey reveals a new important scientific acheivement, the Hamm Analysis.

Hop on board the nostalgia train yet again because we found another excuse to hang out with our dad Colin Firth! This week we're exploring another classic piece of teen girl culture that Kirstie missed in the early aughts, What A Girl Wants. This film is jam packed with flare jeans, hijinks, and Colin Firth dancing in leather pants. We explore some latent feelings about Vespas, wonder what the writers knew about the House of Windsor, and are compelled to say this movie is Not That Bad? Thank you to our very kind listeners who have been sending us content suggestions, keep them coming!

We're coming to you late but once you see how much content we crammed into this episode you'll understand why. This week we thought we were bringing you an episode about the reboot of the early aught's classic, HGTV Design Star, but really what we ended up bringing you was almost 90 minutes of our white hot fury. We joked before recording that we'd have the show's run time of complaints, and we concluded that one can be petty and kind, and we hope we were able to strike the balance while still approaching the content with the level of curiosity demanded by Ted Lasso (spoiler alert: it was challenging).

Join us for an adventure in 90's tv musical production as we unpack the 1997 Rodgers and Hammerstein Cinderella (you know the one, with Brandy, Whitney Houston, and great ubiquitous character actor Victor Garber??). In between Kirstie reading Victor Garber's IMDB history, we touch on the song mixes, the sound stage vibes, and how much this thing truly slaps. We also promote a certain tv interview that's already aired and unfortunate now-old news about Mr. Hot & Tall In Perpetuity, so this is a blast from the past in pretty much every way.

Sometimes you record an episode of a podcast and think to yourself, man I could really record another episode of that. So here we are, revisiting Ted Lasso. After having a Rebecca reaction to Ted Lasso, Kirstie rewatched the show and is back for another go at talking about what we love about it. Tl:DR we love it and we just want to spend more time talking about it so please come talk to us about Ted Lasso some more.

This week, we pushed the boundaries of geographical internet roadblocks to finally watch The Great British Sewing Bee! While there are no tears over works of art on this iteration of the quaint maker competition, we do get to learn a lot about things like darts and sewing on the bias and whether or not sewing makes for good tv. The most important thing this week is that we get a REALTIME REVIEW at the end of the episode and we have a lot of feelings about it (THANK YOU NIKNIK!).

Have you ever wondered what it would be like for Alec Baldwin to expose himself to Steve Martin on webcam? Well have we got a film for you! This week we're resisting RomComducation with It's Complicated which brought up a lot of beef about kitchens, kitchen renovations, kitchen size, kitchen storage, dream kitchens, and John Krasinski. Also in breaking news we reveal the true identity of QAnon?

This week we're reporting live from the floating glamping dome at Château de la Motte-Husson. We wish??? Alas, we are forced to Escape to the Chateau by way of Dick Strawbridge and his enigmatic aura. If you too enjoy watching questionable people make questionable choices with both their home renovation and their business, look no further than this gem that includes highlights such as taxidermy! narrator shade! growing vegetables and eating them! We actually cannot overstate how much we love this show or how many questions we have about Dick Strawbridge's credentials. If you have information about the petty chateau wars, please contact us!

We've got soooooo much to unpack this week. Kelsey finally has her moment to delivery a friendship gift to Kirstie in the form of Ted Lasso and Kirstie........politely accepted. We spend some time trying to understand why a beautiful, self aware, well humored, kind show about friendship and the workplace wasn't somehow made specifically for Kirstie and the answer is.....fascism? This was our last episode recorded in Trump's America cut us some slack. Oh also Kirstie cries for the first time ever on the podcast so get hype.

It's time to channel our best Ladies Whistledown to throw some shade and adoration at Bridgerton! This is part 2 of 3 of our Pilot Palooza Extravaganza and we're getting into the spoiler zone to talk about the entire season, including costume choices, romance choices, and sex ed choices. We still think the Duke of Hastings is hot, the Other Men are a waste of time, and Sam Heughan can get it (what how did that get in there???). If you liked this, please rate and review with the height of your favorite man of Regency adaptations!

We're back with another one of our favorite annual traditions, Pilot Palooza! This year we tried out a new format and it SLAPS. We're bringing you Search Party, The Undoing, The Flight Attendant, The Queens Gabmit, Ted Lasso, and Bridgerton. Listen to find out who the winner was and what height we think will dominate the year's famous hot (or not) men. Thanks for helping us get to another podcastiversary!

It's a wonderful feeling, feel the love in the room from the floor to the ceiling. It's that time again, The 2020 Really Fucking Good Television Award Show for Nice People Only is here. With the blessings from above, we send you our love for all of the television we watched in 2020 (and we do mean all 1000 episodes that Kelsey very casually watched). Do note, there was an audio issue with Kelsey's track that we can't explain or fix but we thought this episode was magical enough to preserve it in its current form.

What would Christmas be without revisiting our favorite places? We are returning reluctantly to Evergreen, Vermont, where we can apparently no longer see the North Pole, nor partake in magical advent calanders, but do apparently have plenty of hat factory ghosts, before we jet off to Chicago for a scavenger hunt inspired stay-cation. Tl:dr, we want Hallmark to do more weird townie shit and fewer start-up marketing stunts. Stay tuned for the end when we draft our pilots for Pilot Palooza!! Make sure to make your list and do your homework!

It's the annual Thought Bubble Audio holiday special! We're still talking about Vanessas! There are three Vanessas! Obviously we are talking about The Princess Switch: Switched Again! If you enjoy this, visit thoughtbubbleaudio.com to check out all of Thought Bubble Audio's shows. Special Guests: Frank Ramblings, Marissa, Palmer, and Tim.

We made it 3 episodes into Hatewatch Holiday before we had to argue about letting Hallmark Fuck (guys, these aren't even Hallmark movies????). We've got hot takes on Streaming search tools, Emma Roberts and Kristen Stewart, a snappy new name for Quarantine Quorner, and a very important new submission to the Christmas Movie Cannon (listen to find out what movie we want you to watch instead of Holidate).

Get your holiday lights and music display kits ready because it's finally time for Hatewatch Holidays 2020! We're kicking off the festivities with A Treat for Christmas... A Christmas Treat... Christmas for Treat... Treatmas? Whatever you want to call it, the important thing here is that our Treat Dad Treat Williams is in not one but two holiday films this year. After a lengthy discussion about the user experiences of streaming services that end in Plus, we're off to the races with The Christmas House, Hallmark's first endeavor to win over the gays. Honestly, it's not as bad as we thought it would be, despite some dicey plot choices (looking at you, fixer-upper on the Hudson). It's another story altogether for Christmas on the Square, arguably the biggest disappointment of our holiday movie season. We're gonna commission an episode of Handsome Justice to investigate the claim of whether angels can fly because they take themselves lightly and also why this movie is so bad. Stay tuned for several more Hatewatch Holidays installments coming soon!

Like Princess Margaret arriving for an official function fashionably late, fabulously drunk, and with no fucks to give, we are rolling up in your podcast feeds with our regular Tuesday episode on...........Saturday. Something something holidays, something something technical difficulties, listen: some of us were busy crafting, watching Princess Diana documentaries, listening to Princess Diana podcasts, and otherwise gossiping about Prince Charles, which cut into editing time. Anyway, we're here to talk about the Crown and somehow ended up talking more about the mask wearing habits of mid level network sitcoms.

It's the great Hatewatch tradition of Make Kirstie Watch A Thing, and this week, she finally caved and watched a Jane Austen adaptation. We're talking about the 2005 Pride and Prejudice, featuring emo Darcy, Kelsey's feelings (and Kirstie's lack thereof), plus some cinematography. If you too think that Kirstie should appreciate Jane Austen more, or you would like us to send you the photo we found of a large paper mache Mr. Darcy in a lake, please contact us at @hatewatchwithus.

It's been a while since we've complained, so we're coming in hot with a gamified format for filing our grievances. It's Kirstie's first Draft style event, and we are drafting Ways Outlander Has Wronged Us. If you're coming to this episode to agree with us about Outlander takes you will likely be disappointed. Additional updates this week include strong stances on supermarket themed television and a continued plea for any and all information about SMS for Dich/Text For You/Text for Dick?

Well folks, it's Election Week 2020, and what better time than the present to (1) come to you with breaking news about Celine Dion, and (2) revisit some patriotic content from a simpler election year. For those of you who haven't trained Google to push notify you with news about Sam Heughan, we spend more time than we ought to (and yet not nearly enough time???) discussing his new film Text For You/SMS Fur Dich/Text For Dick. Then it's time for a Romcomducation History Lesson™️ about teen romcoms from the early aughts, a time when we were all apparently CLAMORING for movies about teenage presidential daughters. The important takeaway from all this is that Chasing Liberty is the better of these films based on the ~Matthew Goode wearing men's bell bottoms~ factor alone.

This week is about things we hate such as turnip prices, mediocre white men, blue filter, Jason Bateman's self important standing, Jason Bateman's height, Jason Bateman, and the Netflix original, Ozark. We put our longstanding policy of No Ozark to the test and it turns out we were correct. Spoiler alert, the content sucks and you can't see any of it. Laws of liquidity give us $8 million now.