Cinemasochists

Hey loyal Cinemasochists of the world! We're back! After a 6 month long hiatus, we decided to spice things up a bit and after many, many requests to do a video podcast, we decided to cave in and try it out. But that wasn't enough. We needed more. You DESERVE more! Instead of just a regular old "bad movie" pick like we usually do, we decided to do the marathon of all marathons......We are taking on EVERY SINGLE STEPHEN KING ADAPTATION! That's right. Not just the theatrical movies, but the made for TV movies, the many mini series, the straight to DVD films, even the TV episodes he wrote. There are about 1,456 adaptations*... We counted. Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you Episode 1 of our "Stephen King Project" (as well as our very first VIDEO podcast)  CARRIE!  *slight exaggeration

Greetings everyone! After what we thought was the WORST valentine's day movie two years ago  (I Hate Valentines Day - http://cinemasochists.blogspot.com/2011/02/episode-28-i-hate-valentines-day-and.html) we decided to out do ourselves with something perhaps even worse... Heartbeeps is the "romantic adventure" of two robots in love and stars Andy Kaufman and Bernadette Peters.... No, I did NOT just make that up. Listen in for more!  LISTEN TO EPISODE 52 HERE!!

Hey gang! Happy New Year! After marathons and "special" episodes we're back reviewing what most of you might call a pretty random film. This slightly obscure gem is what some say helped kill Bob Dylans career (for at least a decade...)  "if you want to feel the heat, you've got to learn to play with fire" HEARTS OF FIRE! Directed by: Richard Marquand Starring: Rupert Evertt, Fiona and Bob Dylan

We did it! We finally freakin' did it!  Sure, we made it through 50 episodes, but more importantly, we made it through one of the defining films that make up the Cinemasochist mold......"Oh, hi THE ROOM!" Did we like it? Did we see past the irony? Did Lisa really tear Johnny apart? Find out in EPISODE 50!! 

We're back!! No, we didn't watch "We're Back; A Dinosaurs Story"but we did watch something almost as ridiculous... CATWOMAN! Halle Berry's turn as Catwoman was a unanimously reviled piece of celluloid. Does it hold up 8 years later? Does Anne Hathaway carry the Catwoman torch now? Did we LIKE this movie?? Listen in and find out, kids!  LISTEN TO EPISODE 49 HERE!

After cheating our way through 15 (uh-hem, 11) movies, we finally made it to what CNBC named the "BIGGEST BOX OFFICE BOMB" of all time, CUTTHROAT ISLAND! Now keep in mind this "marathon" took us a year and in the interim, at least 3 films have made this list. But for now, enjoy episode 48!  special guest: Denver Smith 

Episode 47 The Adventures of Pluto Nash "NASH IS TRASH" Mr. Box Office Poison - Eddie Murphy - brought his shenanigans to Mars with the help of a robotic Randy Quaid, Rosario Dawson and even John Cleese. The opposite of hilarity ensues... Actually, nothing ensues... Listen in to find out what we thought!

alrightalrightalright. We finally made it to the TOP 5!!! This is (as of a year ago) the fifth Biggest Box Office Bomb of all time! SAHARA! Matthew McConaughey gets tan and tanner and tanner before our eyes in this bloated action extravaganza. Penelope Cruz happens to be there too.... We discuss more current box office bombs, Clive Cussler readers and of course, we see if Sahara is redeemable enough to watch...Listen in!

The Biggest Box Office Bombs countdown continues with the action epic "The 13th Warrior" starring Mr. Melanie Griffith himself, Antonio Banderas. Based on a Michael Crichton book and directed by John McTiernan. Sounds promising, right?? Well....Listen in to find out

This weeks episode is number 6 (or 7?) of our Biggest Box Office Bombs marathon. What other movie has buried the careers of Warren Beatty, Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn, Jenna Elfman AND Gary Shandling? None, except Town and Country....yuck.

Our "Biggest Box Office Bombs" marathon continues with the Wachowski Sibings' "Speed Racer" (2008)Emile Hirsch heads a cast that includes John Goodman, Susan Sarandon and Christina Ricci in this re-imagining of the famous Japanese cartoon series from the 1960's.

We skipped number 10 in the "Biggest Box Office Bombs" and went straight to number 9.Final Fantasy-The Spirits Within was a huge loss for Sony earlier this decade and we see why. Listen in to find out.We also explain WHY we skipped number 10 in the marathon.Listen to Episode 42 HERE!

This week we slogged through one of the worst zombie flicks ever (and thats saying a lot) and perhaps one of the worst video game flicks too! Erg. Happy Halloween, kids!

The witch is back! So sayeth the trailer for this horrendous sequel to The Blair Witch Project. I wasn't convinced the witch was even there and more importantly, there were no books and there were no shadows....Just sayin! We are taking a break from B.B.O.B. marathon for the month of October so we can indulge in some good ol' fashion horror crap! Enjoy Episode 40!!!

This episode happens to be our very first animated flick. Not on any of our radars, but necessary as part of our 15 Biggest Box Office Bombs. Number 11 of said series almost bankrupt Disney for about 5 minutes..They probably shouldn't have paid the Goo Goo Dolls for the horrendous tune featured in the flick.... Enjoy Episode 39, Treasure Planet!

Number 12 of our 15 Biggest Box Office Bombs marathon happens to be quite a fitting flick. In this recession, it seems the US Postal Service isn't doing very well. But what if, in a post apocalyptic world, it was in fact, the one thing that brings USA back together?????  The Postman, starring, directed AND produced Kevin Costner asks us that and a few other head scratchers. But more impressive, it puts you right to sleep... Enjoy episode 38!

It's been way too long, but we're back. And what a stylin' way to come back. ALMOST too fat Val Kilmer and Carrie Anne Moss star in the Mars-sploitation flick, Red Planet, which is #13 in our "Biggest Box Office Bombs" marathon series! Sean was not there this week, but Noah and Michael had help from the very funny Jared Galante.So, before you go see Apollo 18 this weekend, listen to Cinemasochists episode 37!

Michael and Noah wished for one-liners and Sean wished for "Dollman". Anything but what we watched this week; Kurt Russell's 1998 action-er, SOLIDER! This is #14 of our 15 Biggest Box Office Bombs, or BOB's for short... Enjoy episode 36, sir! Budget: $75,000,000 Gross: $15,000,000

This week we took a detour from the "Top 15 Biggest Box Office Bombs" or BBOB's to do a movie that may be close to many hearts, including our special guest; BLOODSPORT! Our guest this week was Daniel Gallai, co-director of the upcoming documentary about Frank Duks (JCVD's character in Bloodsport) called "Put Up Your Dux" If you're a fan of Bloodsport, you're gonna learn a lot more about the film then you probably need to! HA! Thanks, Daniel! LISTEN TO EPISODE 35 HERE!! "Put Up Your Dux" on IMDB http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1676180/

"Gobble Gobble" This is part 1 of our 15 part "Biggest Box Office Bombs" (or BBOB for short) marathon. Bennifer star in 2003's "Gigli"

This week, we get topical! After hearing the news of Arnold Schwarzenegger's love child, we went straight to netflix instant stream and thanked god we didn't have to spend money renting.....JUNIOR! Our guest this week is Noah Green! ENJOY!!

Lately we've been traveling down a road traveled by very few. It's uncertain how many have come out alive, but I know that after the experience of "Collision Course" I'm surprised we made it unscathed....At least I think we did. This is the pits, people. How was this ever made?? Check out Episode 32, but don't check out "Collision Course"...Please.

Popeye. Altman. Williams. Evans. Nilsson. Sounds great, right? Well, boy will you be red if you watch this. Listen to episode 31 first and find out what we thought of Robert Altman's 1980 Popeye. Special guest this week is Logan Crow of www.mondocelluloid.com andwww.lbcinema.org If you're a Long Beach native who loves film, you should probably know this guy!

Today we watched what might be the most boring action film ever. Not even director Kaos could pull through with a name such as his. Oh well. Listen in because this is a good one!  Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever

We decided to try something new this week. Aside from Jake not being there (we was missed), we watched a film that is not known for being baaaaad, just totally ridiculous; Zack Snyder's 2006 film, "300".

This was it.... The record breaker. "I Hate Valentine's Day" was chosen by our special guest Amy Claire and, boy did she pick a whopper!! Listen in and DONT see this movie! This stars Nia Vardalos of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" fame!  Happy V - Day!  check out Amy Clair online: http://www.missamyclaire.com 

This week we decided to take "the plunge" and watch the fourth best entry in the Jaws saga; Jaws 4 - The Revenge "This Time It's Personal"  Our guest this week (back for a third time!) is Noah Green!    

EPISODE 26: KANGAROO JACK (2003) A rapping Kanagroo, Chris Walken as Marlon Brando and Jerry O Connell skinny dipping. Sounds great, doesn't it? go to: http://cinemasochists.blogspot.com for more episodes and RECIPES for Kangaroo Jack and other terrible flicks. 

Recorded on at Echo Park Film Center on my (Sean's) birthday back in December, Episode 25 is a personal favorite. We lay into Tim Burtons beyond lackluster "Planet of The Apes" remake. As I say early on, it was quite a missed opportunity. If you have doubts, listen to this and go watch the original! Enjoy!  imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0133152/ buy on Amazon....But, really...Dont. http://www.amazon.com/Planet-Apes-Mark-Wahlberg/dp/B00003CXXV    

This week watched Ang Lee's "emo" adaptation of HULK. After 7 years of gestation we decided to take a crack at it. Just don't make Jacob angry...You wouldn't like...him..

(SPOILER) - King Kong does NOT live.  This is one of the most nonsensical, ridiculous ones we've seen yet. Listen to the delirium set in after we watch over four hours of sub-par Kong. This is part 2 of our Dino DeLaurentiis "Kong" Double Feature. Enjoy! 

For the next 2 episodes we will pay tribute to the late, great Dino De Laurentiis by tearing into his two KING KONG films. First up, his expensive 1976 sexercised remake of KING KONG starring Jessica Lange, Jeff Bridges and Charles flippin' Grodin! We discuss sex, savagery and the seventies all rolled into one hairy episode! Enjoy and stay tuned next week for KING KONG LIVES! imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074751/ purchase on amazon: http://www.amazon.com/King-Kong-VHS-Jeff-Bridges/dp/6300216845

After a month long hiatus we're back! To celebrate Halloween we decided to watch the scariest vampire film of 'em all....TWILIGHT. Listen in and see what we thought...I bet you can probably guess even without listening what we thought of it.......HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

A lifeless comic book adaptation that may just put Frank Miller out of the DGA. At least Samuel Jackson had some fun. Enjoy the show!! The Spirit (2008) Starring: Gabriel Macht, Samuel Jackson, Scarlett Johannson written and directed by: Frank Miller

Duck puns, duck fu and duck porn all rolled into one ducking hell of a good time! or not...... Howard The Duck (1986) Starring: Leah Thompson, Tim Robbins and Jeffrey Jones Written and directed by: WIllard Hyuck imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091225/

To coincide with the release of "The Expendables" we decided to watch another Sylvester Stallone train wreck, "Rhinestone". Dolly Parton teaches Sly how to be a singing cowboy.......Seriously.    Rhinestone (1984)  Starring: Sylvester Stallone and Dolly Parton Directed by: Bob Clark  Written by: Sylvester Stallone imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088001/

This week we watched the fourth (and worst) of the 1990's Batman saga; Batman & Robin!! Uma hams it up, Arnold says the worst one liners humanly possible and Clooney is a bobble head.  Our special guest this week was Logan Crow from Mondo Celluloid! www.mondocelluloid.com Batman & Robin (1997) Starring: George Clooney, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Uma Thurman, Chris O' Donnell, Alicia Silverstone Written by: Akiva GOldsman Directed by: Joel Schumacher    

The "Cage" is in full rage mode in this naughties remake of the 1973 classic British thriller! The Wicker Man (2006) Starring: Nicholas Cage Directed and written by: Neil LaBute IMDB PAGE

You freeze. You walk backwards. You DIE.....from laughter. Wowie wow, was this movie terrible. This week we "happened" upon "The Happening", M. Night Shayamalalalmaman's take on a George Romero movie. Jake insists on hating, although he's seen it 4 times. Sean tries to find good in it and Michael laughs.. A LOT.  The Happening - 2008 Starring; Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo Written and directed by; M. Night Shayamalan    imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0949731/

Jack Nichols-- I mean, Christian Slater plays George Kuffs; a womanizing, fast talking, public safety cop. Boredom and lackluster jokes ensue...Special guest this week is Noah Green!KUFFS - 1992Starring: Christian Slater, Milla JovovichDirected by: Bruce EvansWritten by: Bruce Evans and Raynold Gideon

Sterling Andrews returns to show us her sisters finest moment, "Tonya and Nancy; The Inside Story" This is the made for TV movie about the ice skating scandal... This "meta" movie within a movie wouldve been better as a sitcom..... Tonya & Nancy; The Inside Story - 1994 Starring; Alexandra Powers and Heather Langenkamp Directed by; Larry Shaw Written by: Phil Penningroth IMDB page

Don Johnsons first starring role has a telepathic dog, atomic bombs and Jason Robards! This one is actually quite good! Our special guest this week was Jimi Cabeza de Vaca, leader of the Cabeza de Vaca Arkestra! They will be performing a LIVE accompaniment to "Aelita; Queen Of Mars" in Los Angeles this week! A Boy And His Dog - 1975 Directed by: L.Q. Jones Starring: Don Johnson, Jason Robards and Tim Mcintire as BLOOD http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072730/

Saved By The Bell + Starship Troopers + Vegas = SHOWGIRLS!! In this episode we discuss the VIP edition of the film. Heres a link to buy it! SHOWGIRLS VIP DVD EDITION! Showgirls - 1995 Starring: Elizabthe Berkeley, Gina Gershon, Kyle Mclaughlin Directed by: Paul Verhoeven Written by: Joe Eszterhaus IMDB PAGE  

This week we watched Bill Cosby fall like the Roman Empire. It was sad, but this episode isn't! Enjoy!! Leonard Part 6 Starring: Bill Cosby Directed by: Paul Weiland Written by: Bill Cosby and Jonathan Reynolds http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093405/

This week we watched MAC and ME. This shameless, brainwash, ET ripoff, piece of garbage was our first screening at a movie theatre. Thanks CINEFAMILY on Fairfax!!! www.cinefamily.org Mac and Me - 1988 Directed and written by: Stewart Raffill http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095560/  

This week we watched the notorious Troll 2. Deemed the worst film of all time on Rotten Tomatoes with a score of 0%... You know, it's not THAT bad...Just saying... Enjoy the show and be sure to check out our interview with the stars of Troll 2; Michael Paul Stephenson and George Hardy!!! 

This week "Best Worst Movie" was released in Los Angeles. We interviewed the film makers Michael Paul Stephenson and George Hardy. "Best Worst Movie" is a documentary about the cult of Troll 2, deemed the worst movie ever!!!! Be sure to listen to our Cinemasochists review of "Troll 2" as well!   

This week, Cinemasochists watched Dreamcatcher! Sean loved it, Jake had acid flashbacks and Michael was indifferent...  Enjoy the fight! Make DUDDUS proud! 

This week we watched "The Seventh Coin" with Sterling Andrews, the younger sister of Alexandra Powers; the lead actress of the film. YEEEAHH! Dig the personal anecdotes and my "special" impression of Peter O Toole! It's a good episode. I swear! The Seventh Coin - 1992 Starring: Alexandra Powers, Peter O Toole and Jonathan Rhys Davies Directed by: Dror Soref Written by: Howard Delman and MIchael Lewis http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105361/

  Christopher Lee. Werewolf boobs. That's about it..... After recording this podcast, we realized that, flawed and bad as this film was, it not bad enough. So, enjoy a condensed episode of Cinemasochists!   1985 Starring: Christopher Lee, Sybill Danning Director: Philippe Mora Writers: Gary Brandner (novel) Robert Sarno (screenplay)   Twice the terror! Twice the torment! http://soundcloud.com/cinemasochists/cinemasochists-present-episode-5-the-howling-part-2-my-sister-is-a-werewolf