Breaking Bread Podcast

A lot of health for marriages lies in the prework, before the marriage happens. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer and Arlan Miller speak about the pre-contemplative, contemplative and engagement phase of marriage and the great deal of promise these stages hold. They bring to bear resources and advice for both singles and the supportive community that surrounds them.    Show Notes: The health of the marriage is what individuals bring into the marriage to create it. For this reason, attention to oneself is a critical starting point for future marital health. Singles should consider the following:  Walk with God in healthy discipleship.  Develop a healthy Christ-centered identity.  Grow in healthy self-awareness.  Learn to cope with uncertainty or unmet expectations.  Nurture a community that will provide godly counsel.  Gain realistic expectations for marriage.  Steward a healthy understanding of intimacy.  Engagement is a unique and time-bound stage for engaged couples. If not stewarded well, wedding preparation can overshadow marital preparation. Couples should consider the following:  Develop healthy connections with each other.  Grow in friendship.  Learn to honor each other.  Establish a practice of proactively stepping into issues that arise in the relationship.  Establish healthy rhythms that will carry over into the marriage. 

May is Mental Health Awareness month. Like most matters that get highlighted with a month's recognition, there is a story to be told. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ron Messner and Ted Witzig Jr. join to tell the story. A story that has loving as Jesus loves at its center.  The story of mental health can be told from two perspectives: a societal understanding of mental health and the care that comes from that understanding. 

God was very thoughtful and intentional about how to bless his people. “Do it like this” he told Aaron. His blessing (captured in Numbers 6) is beautiful poetry. Not only is it beautiful to the ear, but it is also health to the heart and soul. In this episode of Breaking Bread, let's learn together about how God chooses to bless us, how to receive His blessing and how to bless others with our Father's words. Show Notes:  We live in a world of cursing. God knows this, so he has thoughtfully chosen to bless us carefully. And when he does, he confers abundant, flourishing life on us. Receive God's blessing in Numbers 6.

The capacity for emotion sets us apart from all things living. It gives us the capability for healthy, deep and intimate relationships. What does it look like when our relationships are too enmeshed emotionally? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Kathy Knochel teach us about enmeshment and the dangers of being too emotionally dependent on others.    Show notes  While we are to receive and give support to others, we are not to take ultimate responsibility for other's wellbeing. Unhealthy emotional dependency can happen when two or more individuals lose their independence and identity to the relationship. Individuals assume unhealthy responsibility for the feelings of others. Often it is marked with overwhelm and exhaustion on the part of one and deeply felt need on the part of the other. When this occurs in the family system, it often goes by the term enmeshment. However, emotional dependency can occur between unrelated friends also.     Finding health for individuals in emotionally dependent relationships will require some action.   First there needs to be a recognition of emotional dependency.  Second, boundaries will need to be put in place to promote safety between the individuals.   Third, individuals will feel a mixture of guilt and loss. Working through these emotional realities is necessary.   Finally, reengaging in the relationship at the healthiest level possible. 

There is a lot of offense these days. Probably not more offending than normal as people have acted badly for a long time. But it seems people are quicker to call foul when they are hurt by others. “Trauma”, “emotional hurt”, “abuse”, “bullying” are household terms and sometimes we drop them when the opportunity is right. Have we become connoisseurs of the offenses against us? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Ted Witzig Jr give us some important tips on living in a world of offense. “Trauma”, “hurt”, “abuse”, and “bullying” are too real to get wrong.    Show notes:  Living well in a world of offense will require a healthy view into our hurt and a healthy view out of our hurt.  A healthy view into our hurt:  Acknowledge the offense against you whether great or small. Welcome others into it. Seek perspective so you can size it correctly.  Engage in the work of healing.  Pursue forgiveness.  A healthy view out of our hurt:  Have a realistic and broad understanding of the offenses that many in this world face.  Have a biblical understanding of the world we live in. Understand both its brokenness and beauty. See God's intention for a coming reconciliation.   Seek joy and wholeness in Christ. 

We are built for relationship. There is a yearning, need and desire within us for emotional connection with others. In the marriage relationship this can be both an asset and a liability. In this episode of Breaking Bread, marriage and family therapist Kaleb Beyer helps us understand the signs, offense and repair of emotional affairs – when emotional intimacy outside the marriage compromises the covenant of marriage.    Show notes:  Three stages of emotional affairs:  1st Emotional intimacy with another person outside of marriage.  Deep connection at the heart and emotional level.  2nd Secrecy  Walls are built between spouses and access to the illicit relationship is sought and protected.  3rd Sexual tension  Physical relations may or may not be happening. However, there is growing openness to them.    Recovery from emotional affairs.  1st End the illicit relationship.  The betraying spouse needs to cut off the illicit relationship at any cost.  2nd Boundaries are set.  The betraying spouse takes full responsibility for the affair. Boundaries are set that will help the betrayed spouse feel safe and stable.  3rd The betrayer grieves their relationship loss.  The betrayer closes the door on the illicit relationship emotionally. This is done through grieving the loss. This grieving process is best walked through with a friend or counselor and not his/her spouse.  4th Cultivate friendship and emotional intimacy with spouse.  Over time, with relational repair, trust and emotional intimacy with spouse increases.  5th As a couple, reflect on the context of their marriage.  The couple learns from the painful experience. What individual and couple dynamics provided the context for an emotional affair? Moving forward, how do we wisely live together to prevent it from happening in the future? 

We are creatures of habit. Rhythmic, repetitious actions that are triggered almost without notice. For good or bad, these habits shape us in profound ways. To help us wield the power of habit for good, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter take up the topic of habit formation in this episode of Breaking Bread.    Show notes:  Habits are reinforced by the positive feedback we experience when we do them.   Typically, bad habits form naturally with immediate favorable reinforcement. For example, scrolling on your phone becomes a habit when it seems to cure momentary boredom.  Typically, good habits form intentionally with long term favorable reinforcement. For example, practicing scales on the piano habitually forms muscle memory that will produce a good piano player in the future.    Tips for Intentional healthy Habit Formation:  Identity: See your habit as evidence that you are the type of person you want to be.  For example, Sandy wants to be a thankful person so she begins to understand herself to be a thankful person. When she journals two things she's thankful for each day, it reinforces her identity.  Make the habit accessible: Build the structure that will make your habit easier.   For example, Todd wants to exercise in the morning. By setting out his running clothes the night before, he makes the first step in exercising, that is getting into his workout clothes, accessible.  Use habit stacking: Pair a desired habit with a habit or routine that you already have established.   For example, Jake wants to be a prayerful person. He decides to pray while he brushes his teeth, a habit he has already formed.  Make yourself accountable: Let others know you are forming a habit and ask for their accountability.   For example, Jenny wants to move her body more. She asks a friend to keep her accountable that she walks 8,000 steps each day. 

Generation Z has been dubbed “the anxious generation.” Any adult who has the opportunity to walk alongside these anxious ones knows how painful it can be. Sometimes we need someone who has walked this road in both directions to provide light and insight. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Nichole Suvar, an anxiety and depression survivor, speaks from her own journey of anxiety and illumines a path forward for the anxious - both young and old.    Show notes:  Nichole Suvar is an anxiety and depression survivor and Intentional Living Strategist who speaks and writes on the intersection of mental health, faith, and God's design for mental wellness. You can access free resources and sign up for her free weekly email devotional at www.livewithintent.org . 

Generation Z has been dubbed “the anxious generation.” Any adult who has the opportunity to walk alongside these anxious ones knows how painful it can be. Sometimes we need someone who has walked this road in both directions to provide light and insight. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Nichole Suvar, an anxiety and depression survivor, speaks from her own journey of anxiety and illumines a path forward for the anxious - both young and old.  Show notes:  Nichole Suvar is an anxiety and depression survivor and Intentional Living Strategist who speaks and writes on the intersection of mental health, faith, and God's design for mental wellness. You can access free resources and sign up for her free weekly email devotional at www.livewithintent.org . 

Just as there are aspects of our physical health we can improve, there are ways we can improve our brain health. Many of these are quite simple and attainable. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. proposes six ways we achieve better brain health.  Show notes:    Six keys to better brain health:  Physical Exercise:  150 minutes of moderate-intensity or 75 minutes of vigorous-intensity aerobic activity each week. Muscle-strengthening activities on 2 or more days each week.    Food & Nutrition:  Mediterranean and MIND diets are brain and heart healthy.  Olive oil, nuts, salmon, leafy greens, vegetables, etc.  Cut out alcohol and smoking.    Medical Health:  Engage in regular, proactive check-ups/physicals with your healthcare provider.  Learn the medical history of your extended family.  Know your numbers.  Blood pressure  Blood sugar  Cholesterol  Weight    Sleep & Relaxation:  Sleep between 7-9 hours per night.  Deal with common sleep conditions such as insomnia and sleep apnea.    Mental Fitness:  Keep it logically sharp with activities such as crossword puzzles and Sudoku's.   Keep it artistically sharp with activities such as music and creativity.  Be a lifelong learner.    Social Interaction:  Stay connected with other people in relationships.   

Husbands and wives want healthy attachment, intimacy and oneness. Yet, sometimes it can be elusive. In this episode of Breaking Bread, marriage and family therapist Kaleb Beyer helps us see one barrier to intimacy – relational pain. Fortunately, there is a path forward but be forewarned, it will require going backward before going forward.    Show notes:  Intimacy has cleverly been defined as “into me you see.” This is a good definition and a wonderful intention for marriages. It is not uncommon, however, for “blocks” to exist that prove intimacy difficult. One common “block” to intimacy is relational pain.  By relational pain we mean the pain that comes when relational attachment is damaged. That is, safety, security, trust, and vulnerability are compromised. Often this relational stress is not intentional. Sometimes it happens without us putting words to it. However, it often happens in high stakes moments and seasons of transition.   When couples go through moments of loss, disruption and transition in such a way that safety, security, trust and vulnerability are damaged, relational wounds can result. This pain is a block to intimacy. To move forward, it will be necessary to go back to the past and visit these moments. Healing is often found in putting words to the fears, sadnesses and hurts that these moments ushered into the relationship. Further, soothing the fears, grieving the sadnesses and healing the hurt will be an objective in moving forward and growing in intimacy.      

Of the 12 disciples, Peter seems to be corrected the most. And yet, so much teaching surfaced out of his mistakes. Peter, in this way, exampled for us what it looks like to be a disciple of Jesus. Recognizing and embracing his need for correction. In this episode of Breaking Bread, teachers Katie Miller and Isaac funk encourage us to share in Peter's mindset. After all, the transformation from fishmen to apostle was remarkable in Peter and holds promise for each of us as well. Show notes:  Being corrected is fundamental to the learning process. Every person in progress needs correction. Yet, to our own detriment, we too often resist and avoid correction.   Four qualities the person who wisely receives correction possesses.  Humility: They place themselves under an authority for whom they trust guidance.  Vision: They see themselves as a person “in progress.”  Wisdom: They understand that correction is necessary.  Healthy Identity: They don't over identify themselves with negative criticism. 

As the saying goes, “we are as happy as our least happy adult child”. Parents get this. How do parents walk with their kids through disappointment? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter gives us thoughtful cautions and helpful suggestions.   Show notes:  Our kids have disappointments.   Disappointments such as: being excluded, being mistreated, unhappy with circumstances, unhappy with themselves, failure to excel, failure to succeed, losing a job, losing a spouse.  Parents feel their pain.  Often, we are as happy as our least happy adult child.  Unfortunately, sometimes parents service their own pain when trying to help their children.  Healthy separation between parent in child is needed in navigating child disappointment.  There are some things parents should not do when helping children through disappointment.  Parents should not: miss it, talk kids out of their feelings, rescue kids from their feelings, convey that unwanted emotions are bad.  There are some things parents should do when helping children through disappointment.  Parents should: help kids grieve, help kids manage stories, help kids with their identity, help kids with their God image, give kids hope. 

ADHD has been well understood in the classroom. For a long time, ADHD has been well understood in children and treated for optimal growth in their maturing years. What about adults? What does ADHD look like later in life? How should we understand its effect on life and relationships? How do we treat the disorder for optimal living in the mature years?    Show notes:  What is ADHD?  ADHD stands for Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder. It is a brain disorder. Individuals with ADHD might find it difficult to focus, stay on task, calm and quiet themselves.  What is the neuroscience behind ADHD?  ADHD is a delay in brain development. When certain neurotransmitters are unable to be balanced in the brain, ADHD will result. Two significant neurotransmitters out of balance in the ADHD brain are dopamine and norepinephrine. Dopamine promotes focus, motivation and reward. Norepinephrine regulates judgement and control.  When does ADHD show up?  When ADHD is present, it will show up in childhood. However, the disorder does persist into adulthood. How ADHD is manifested through the aging process differs. For example, hyperactivity which manifests itself outward in youth is still present in an adult but is often experienced more inwardly. ADHD adults have an advantage over ADHD children because they have more control over their environment. For example, the classroom is imposed on the life of a child but a career conducive to an ADHD adult is within their control.  How is ADHD diagnosed?  ADHD can be diagnosed at any point in a person's life. Two methods for diagnosis are available:  A clinical diagnosis happens when a professional evaluates the presence of the disorder by interview. Through a holistic battery of questions to the client as well as those who live and work closely with them an ADHD determination can be given.   A neuro-psychological evaluation can be given by a professional. This approach includes cognitive skills assessments.  It is important to note that before “ruling in” ADHD, many things need to be “ruled out.” There are many confounding matters such as anxiety and depression that conflate the ADHD diagnosis.     If someone suspects ADHD, should they get a diagnosis?  Yes and no.  Knowing what is contributing to pain is helpful in working through and finding remedies for it. If what an individual suspects to be ADHD is causing ongoing pain in their relationships and responsibilities, a diagnosis has purpose.   If very mild ADHD is present but not causing ongoing life disruption and pain, then a diagnosis may not be necessary.  What are some “helps” for those with ADHD?  Two routes can be taken for assisting those with ADHD:  Therapy can be helpful in learning good coping, lifestyle management and relationship skills. These skills can help mitigate the pain ADHD can cause.  Because ADHD is an imbalance of neurotransmitters, medication is available to help bring balance where imbalance is present.  Is having ADHD only negative in a person's life?  Fortunately, many have lived well with their ADHD. Their brain is able to take in a lot of stimuli at the same time. Their activated state can produce many benefits such as creativity and ambition. 

The thyroid gland is the master gland of the body. From this command center, hormones are dispatched. Those hormones send marching orders for our bodies to follow. The marching orders orbit closely to those matters that preserve and propagate life. While this bustle of activity happens beneath the boundary of our skin, effects surface in our thoughts and emotions. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Lynne Streitmatter, a professional in women's hormonal care talks with Kathy Knochel a clinical therapist about the intersection of our bodies with our emotional, relational and spiritual lives.

A lot goes into a thriving marriage. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer uses the research of Dr. John Gottman to place his finger on the components of a marriage that not only lasts, but flourishes. View the Sound Relationship House Model here

What is normal? In a world of air brushing and curated content, it can be illusive. Yet, having a good compass toward knowing normal goes a long way toward good mental health. Studies have shown that supernormal stimuli can have a damaging effect on our brains.  In this episode of Breaking Bread, addiction specialist, Jacob Feucht, teaches us what supernormal stimuli are, how to spot them and unwind their influence.     Show Notes:  Definition:   Supernormal Stimulus – Exaggerated characteristics in normal stimuli.   Problem:   Studies have shown that humans can begin to crave what is not natural or real at the expense of what is natural and real.  Examples:  Diet: We can crave unnatural foods at the expense of natural foods.  Attention: We can crave unnatural rapidity of stimuli and addict ourselves to distraction because we resist the “slowness” of reality.  Pornography: We crave sexual stimuli and addict ourselves to unnatural characteristics at the expense of healthy biblical sexual relations.  Healthy living:  Seek after, linger in and live in the real world. Learn to love what God created and what He created them for.   

Bullying is as old as the hills. Yet it has gained more thoughtful attention in recent days. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling, a middle school counselor, provides much needed insights into this broken relational posturing between people.

Conflict does not spell doom in the marriage relationship. However, how we do conflict might. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer shares four behaviors that need to be avoided when “working things out” with your spouse. Kaleb explains what they are and how they can be avoided.  Show notes:  Four negative behaviors that spell trouble for marriages and how they can be avoided.  Criticism   Criticism often starts with “You.” “You always...” or “You never...” These statements are personal, labeling and strike at the identity of the other.  To avoid criticism, try using “I” statements. These look inward and communicate your reality and surface the need at hand. “I am disappointed that ...”   Defensiveness   Defensiveness often is provoked by criticism and leads to criticism. It denies and shrugs off the need underlying criticism.  To avoid defensiveness, accept the reality of the other. Take responsibility for your part in the conflict.   Contempt   Contempt is disdain for the other. An inner dialogue that is continually negative. It can grow out of unrelenting criticism over time.  To avoid contempt, friendship needs to be nurtured and grown.  Stonewalling  Stonewalling occurs when the nervous system is so heightened reasoning goes “offline.” Individuals experience a “flooding” of the senses in a way that shuts them down.  To avoid stonewalling, take 20 minutes of body and mental calming.   Note: These negative behaviors have been highlighted from the research work of Dr. John Gottman. 

Both the secular and the religious tout mindfulness and meditation. It's no wonder, because they promise a great deal of health to the one who practices them. Does mindfulness and mediation, however, look the same across the secular and religious worldviews? To answer this question, Kaleb Beyer and Isaac Funk speak to both the therapeutic and Christian uses of these practices.   Show Notes:  Mindfulness – attentive to the present moment.  Meditation – focused attention.  Therapeutically these practices help a person have cognitive flexibility. The freedom to allow more into their experience than the one painful script that is running. In this way, mindfulness and meditation help a person uncouple themselves from mental distress in such a way that allows for a felt reality that is informed by accuracy and truth.   Spiritually, in a Christian sense, this uncoupling allows for a recoupling with God. The goal is not a disembodied state nor an abandonment of self. It is not an emptying but a filling. Not defined by absence but by presence. It allows for a life to be lived with God in the body and in the mind. 

Sadness is a universal emotion that touches every life. Life's challenges often bring moments of deep sorrow. As Christians, how can we navigate these feelings while staying anchored in God's promises? Whether you're in the midst of sadness or supporting a loved one through their struggles, this episode offers encouragement as you seek to find God's light in the midst of dark days.  Sadness is an uncomfortable emotion that alerts us of a loss. Sadness is an important emotion that prompts us to grieve.  Grief is the process we walk through to make peace with our loss.  Grief is unique to the individual but has a few common elements.  Protest – fighting with the loss.  Despair – mourning the loss.  Grief ends with acceptance of the loss.   Healthy living includes walking forward with both the loss and the sadness. Alowing these to be a lifegiving present feature in your life.   

Children love to grow. They know it is slow. They know it is for the better. Adults sometimes lose the growth mindset that children have. We forget that growth is for us too. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk and Arlan Miller reinvigorate the growth mindset for the spiritual life.  Spiritual Growth – Becoming more like Jesus. Growth Mindset – Understanding our responsibility and capability to improve. Spiritual Growth Mindset – Understanding our responsibility and capability to improve into more Christlikeness. 

Words said, cannot be unsaid. They remain. When these words come from a place of goodness, this has beautiful consequences. However, when they come from a place of malintent, they can have devastating consequences. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig and Jacki Stickling take up the topic of gossip and give us timely warning and instruction.   Show notes:  Bridling the tongue is a learned skill. It is a matter of deep transformation in our hearts. The mature believer learns how to THINK before they speak:  T – speaking Truth.  H – using words that are Helpful.  I – using speech to Inspire.  N – saying those things that are Necessary.  K – always being Kind. 

The truth was too shameful, and the feelings were too painful. So, Mark and Marti locked up their teenage secret in a box never to be opened. But as Christ so lovingly does, he has been gently opening the box and letting his light in. The effect has been beauty and healing in the most unlikely place. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Mark and Marti Teubel share their post-abortion story.  Show notes:  Post-abortive care includes caring for the living victims of abortion – Mom and Dad.  Many moms and dads carry the wounds of loss, regret and shame for decades after their abortion.  The unique pain that moms and dads carry is the hindered ability to grieve loss and heartache in their families. They erroneously tell themselves, “I can't grieve this loss because I caused that loss.” Or “This pain is retribution for my actions.”  Abortion influences how moms and dads parent. They desperately want to prove that they are “good” parents.  Good post-abortive care is available. Deeper Still is one such resource.  Deeper Still | find freedom from your abortion wounded heart  Learn more about the Haven Retreat mentioned in the podcast at the link below.  Home | HAVEN Retreats 

When Jesus stooped to embrace the children, it was quite shocking to his disciples. That Jesus would give his precious time to this subgroup was quite remarkable. And then he said the unthinkable... “you must become as these.” By this statement, Jesus was saying that we should not only stop and acknowledge the children, but moreover, look up to them! Esteem them as God image-bearers that have a lot to teach us adults. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Amy Mammadov and Brian Sutter teach us what these little ones can teach us.    Show notes:  Children have a lot to teach us.  Where adults can become ridged, children remain flexible - teaching us to “let go.”  Where adults can become high maintenance, children remain bless-able - teaching us how to receive blessings.  Where adults can be pretentious, children remain genuine - teaching us how to live honestly in the world.  Where adults emphasize usefulness, children emphasize enjoyment - teaching us how to live joyfully.  Where adults have an eye toward “doing”, children have an eye toward “being” - teaching us how we should view ourselves. 

Play lies at the center of life for a child, and it should. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Amy Mammadov, a speech language pathologist, along with Brian Sutter, shine light on this important aspect of human growth and development. Additionally, parents should encourage, teach, evaluate and share in the enjoyment of play with our children.    Show notes:  Encourage Play:  Play is critical in the development of language, thought and human relations.   Teach Play:  The norms and technology of the day have stunted play. Some children need to be taught how to play.   Evaluate Play:  Not all play is equal. Many toys and forms of amusement today are adult directed play. Child directed play, on the other hand, provides rich areas of growth and potential.  Utilize Play:  Playing with your child gives you insights into where they are developmentally and provides an opportunity to model healthy reasoning.  Share in the enjoyment of play:  Shared enjoyment is key. If play is anything at all, it is fun. Parents are encouraged to connect with their children at the level of shared fun. 

Exploration is a prerequisite to having a settled identity. For parents with kids unsettled and exploring, this can be a frightening time. What role do we play in the exploration process? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter will help us sort it out.  Show notes:  Identity:  Is the sense of self – Who I am and who I am not.   Identity Formation:  Starts with exploration and ends with commitment.  Exploration is trying, investigating, experiencing, researching.  Commitment is being settled, resolved and grounded.  Identity Culture in “the west”:  It is constructed individually. This means that the community has a limited influence on placing an identity on an individual. Rather, the individual has the ownness of discovering and embracing their identity.   Challenge:  Our young people are saddled with the task of sorting out their identity for themselves.  Angst:  Watching young people explore their identity.  Opportunity:  Support and guide exploration in community.   As possible, try not to rigidly force closure on those in the exploration phase. Rather, have dialogue that prompts healthy exploration. Thoughtful open-ended questions, and critical thinking prompts are necessary to guide wise investigation.   Have patience in the process with a goal to maintain relationship.  Fear:  Suppose an unwise identity is chosen?  Remember: Where there is life, there is experience. Where there is experience, there is exploration. Where there is exploration, there is hope yet for a good commitment. 

We all know that the body is made up of different members. Members one of another. The hand needs the foot. The eye needs the ear. But even more profound than these examples is the uncommon humility that my non-dominate left hand has with my dominate right. Similar in frame and made to do everything the right hand can… it performs well, but not as well. Yet it serves my body selflessly and without dissention. In this podcast we will listen and learn from our non-dominate hands a lesson on cooperation and being a member one of another.    An Imagined Interview with my Left Hand:  Me: When did you learn that I was going to be what they call “right-handed?” Left-hand: I learned this early. I noticed you were using the right hand to lead and do the more sensitive tasks.  Me: Do you compare yourself with the right? Left-hand: I don't. My right hand does his job so well, and I'm glad. I do my job well.   Me: What do you understand your job to be? Left-hand: My job is to be a good left-hand complement to the right-hand.   Me: How do you understand your relationship to be with the right-hand? Left-hand: I don't see myself separate from my right-hand. We are of the same body. Everything we do separately or together comes from you and is for you. You get the credit for anything we do, and you should.  Me: Do you get jealous of the right hand? Left-hand: No, not at all. I know you are pleased with me and that's all that matters.  

The Christian life has music interwoven into its fabric. We use it to worship God. We are instructed to sing. It should not be surprising then to learn that music has the potential to benefit the mind and emotion. In this episode, music therapist Nick Lanz gives us tips on how to use music therapeutically.  Show notes:  Music Therapy: The clinical & evidence-based use of music interventions to accomplish individualized goals within a therapeutic relationship by a credentialed professional who has completed an approved music therapy program.   What do music therapists do?​  Assess emotional well-being, physical health, social functioning, communication abilities, and cognitive skills through musical responses.  Design music sessions for individuals and groups based on client needs using various musical interventions.  Participate in interdisciplinary treatment planning, ongoing evaluation, and follow up.​    Music therapy interventions for mental health can address a variety of healthcare & educational goals:  Develop healthy coping skills  Identify/express/explore emotions  Process trauma  Improve depressive symptoms  Decrease anxiety/agitation  Promote relaxation  Promote positive thinking/self-esteem  Develop sense of belonging/community  Promote positive social interaction/group cohesion  Address loneliness, grief, loss and stigma that persist despite treatment  Develop independence/decision-making skills  Manage stress  Promote wellness  “Music therapists use music to accomplish non-musical goals.”  There are four main approaches:  Receptive  Music listening  Song discussion/lyric analysis  Music-assisted relaxation/progressive muscle relaxation  Can also include music for sleep  Movement & music  Bonny Method of Guided Imagery & Music (requires post-graduate training)  Re-creative  Instrument instruction  Instrument playing  Sing-along  Recording sessions  Compositional  Therapeutic songwriting (multiple methods)  Improvisational   Instrumental/vocal improvisation  Drum circle/instrumental circle (groups) 

The question before every human being is not if they have pain, but rather, what they do with the pain that they have. Some people make peace with their pain. Unfortunately, many do not. In this Breaking Bread two-part series, Brian Sutter and Kaleb Beyer help us understand what making peace with pain means, why it is important and how to do it.   Show notes:  What does making peace with pain mean?   Answer: Making peace with pain happens when we change our relationship with pain. Instead of orbiting the pain, we are freed from the unhealthy attachment we have with it. While pain may remain, we are able to live with it as a part of our story but it does not govern our identity. Pain has its proper effect on our lives - not too much, yet not ignored.  Why is making peace with pain important?  Answer: Pain unattended has a tendency to generate unhealthy attachments in our lives. We orbit closely to the pain. Some will try to soothe the pain by unhealthy means. Others will over identify with the pain. Still others will expend tremendous energies to change circumstances to make the pain go away. As a result, we become less responsive to our present lives because pain management requires so much attention. We don't live well now.  How do we know if there is pain in our lives for which peace needs to be made?  Answer: If we have a past relationship with our pain and not a present relationship we may need to make peace with pain. This can be seen in our response to present circumstances. For example, if we react to present circumstances inappropriately, our past pain may be speaking.   How do we make peace with pain?  Answer: We make peace with pain by first understanding that God is present with us in our pain. We are not alone. Alowing yourself to sit with God in your pain is a healthy exercise. Next, acceptance will need to be practiced. Acceptance is letting go of circumstances that are not and will not be. It includes a trust that God loves you, is good and sees a wider expanse. For some pain, forgiveness will need to be extended to the offending parties.  

The question before every human being is not if they have pain, but rather, what they do with the pain that they have. Some people make peace with their pain. Unfortunately, many do not. In this Breaking Bread two-part series, Brian Sutter and Kaleb Beyer help us understand what making peace with pain means, why it is important and how to do it.

One of the pains of parenting is watching your children make poor choices. What should we do when there is not much we can do? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Craig Stickling speak to the do's and don'ts of parenting through these challenges.  Show Notes:   So your child made the wrong decision. Remember this Mom and Dad:   Hang in there with them.  Protect your relationship with them.  Have a posture of grace with them.  Be learners together.  Allow natural consequences to teach.  Help them learn from their decisions.  Speak truth in love.  Don't over personalize their decision.  Lean on the larger community to speak truth into their life.  Give it time.  Trust in prayer. 

Spiritual disciplines are ancient. Yet they are growing in popularity with our contemporary Christian culture. What are common cautions that should accompany our wise application of spiritual disciplines? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk helps us understand four cautions: legalism, agency, syncretism and mysticism. Show Notes: Spiritual disciplines are those practices we habitually do in the body that form us into Christlikeness. Reading the Word, silence, solitude, fasting, tithing, fellowship are just a few of many. Many spiritual disciplines are classic. Practices employed by Christ and faithful believers for thousands of years. Understanding the “shadow” of a thing is important for wise and healthy use. We want to have this circumspect understanding of spiritual disciplines. Without it, we can fall into ditches that are unhelpful. Consider four trappings to be thoughtful about. Legalism: Legalism is an unhealthy relationship with performance. At its worst, dependence on performance erroneously replaces faith in Christ. We need to remember the following… Spiritual disciplines are not our morality. Spiritual disciplines are not our performance. Spiritual disciplines are not our forgiveness. Spiritual disciplines do not secure merit with God. Agency: When employing spiritual disciplines, we can become confused with who is at the source of the effort. Is it us? Is it God? We need to remember the following: We do not control our spiritual growth; rather we make ourselves available to God through the practices to be formed by him. God is the first source behind any practice. Syncretism: Syncretism is the blending or merging of different religious beliefs and practices. Many different religious faiths, as well as atheism, share bodily practices that on the outside look the same. We need to remember the following: Many bodily disciplines will benefit human beings regardless of walk of life or religious beliefs. However, these are not uniquely Christian unless we are employing them to grow in Christ likeness. Mysticism: By mysticism, we mean experiencing God in ways that transcend ordinary sensory perception and intellectual understanding. If applied unhealthily, the believer can develop errant ideas about God that are steeped in individual experience. We need to remember the following: Our discipleship experience with God should never contradict the Bible. Be accountable to the larger Christian community. Include other people in your discipleship journey with Christ.

This episode of Breaking Bread, Fred Witzig and Erica Steffen give us a history lesson. Not a history lesson about our past. But a lesson about how to capture our past into history. Oral history is the means for getting this done. Fred and Erica will both explain how to carry out this collection of history as well as cast a vision for our participation in a larger Elder Teaching Resource effort.

Hope exists. Depression is not a life sentence. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Ted Witzig Jr. chart the course for walking through depression to the other side. Show notes: There are different kinds of depression. Treatments can vary. However, the path through depression typically has three benchmarks. The first is changing behavior. The second is a shift in thinking. The third is an improved mood. 1.       Behavior activation: ·        Physical activity: moving the body. ·        Social interaction: engaging with people. ·        Meaningful activities: engage in small, doable things in a consistent manner to develop a sense of competency. 2.       Engage thinking through counseling: ·        Challenge negative self-talk through healthy truth based in Scripture. ·        Medicine (in some cases) can be beneficial in helping the mind think well and engage the therapeutic treatment. 3.       Positive mood shifts follow improved thinking.

Depression is real and prevalent. Many live in the felt reality that the skies are cloudy, and no sun exists behind them. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Ted Witzig Jr. speak to the realities of depression - what it is, what it feels like, and what effect it has on living. Show notes: What it is: Clinical depression is a mental condition that flags five of the following nine symptoms: ·        Sad or depressed mood. ·        Loss of interest in things once appreciated. ·        Weight loss or weight gain. ·        Sleep loss or sleep gain. ·        Agitated and “keyed up” or sluggish and “slowed .down”. ·        Loss of energy and motivation. ·        Feelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt. ·        Decreased concentration. ·        Wanting to die. What it feels like: ·        Depression feels like driving with the brake on. Everything is more difficult. Joy is snuffed out of life. Stressors overwhelm resources. The sky is grey, with no hope of clouds parting. If they did part, no sun exists beyond them anyhow. What effect it has on living: ·        Depression tends to a spiraling downward. Natural reactions to depression tend toward being unhelpful rather than helpful. Depression tends toward isolation and isolation tends towards a further depressed state. Hopelessness tends toward inactivity and inactivity tends toward failure to meet work deadlines. Depression exasperates itself. How can helpers help? ·        Help people reverse the downward spiral with small incremental steps in the positive direction. Do this, not by giving orders but by coming along side hurting individuals.

While we might lean more towards left or right brain thinking, we use them both. In fact, it is important we do. And we can. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr., Brian Sutter, Kaleb Beyer and Kathy Knochel help us understand how important it is that we connect with people with both halves of our brain.

Two halves make a whole. This is true for everything. But it is uniquely true for our brains. Each half, the left and the right, bring a wholeness that without either one, we are much less than half. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr., Brian Sutter, Kaleb Beyer and Kathy Knochel help us better understand the vast wonder of our created brains and give us a vision for healthy functioning that uses whole brain living.  Show notes:  The left brain (hemisphere) is understood to be the seat of rational logic. It excels in language, math and science.  The right brain (hemisphere) is understood to be the seat of emotional perception. It excels in music, art and fantasy.  It is common that people tend toward one side over the other. That is, they view the world, engage in relationships and respond to their environments by leading with one side of the brain over the other.  Whole brain living is seeking to understand the value that each brain hemisphere brings.  It is possible to grow in our ability to use whole brain thinking. In fact, whole brain living will aid connection in our relationships, understanding of other people, processing our environments and the worship of God. 

Music and verse capture, preserve, and allows the participant to access deep truths with a melody that matches the beauty, mystery and hope of the message. This is what we have in Christmas hymnody. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Katie Miller, Arlan Miller, Isaac Funk, Shauna Streitmatter and Matt Kaufmann share their favorite Christmas lyrics that capture the wonder of Christmas – God with us. Show notes: Arlan: O Little Town of Bethlehem by Phillips Brooks The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight. Isaac: In the Bleak Midwinter by Christina Rossetti, Angels and archangels may have gathered there, Cherubim and Seraphim thronged the air; but His Mother only, in Her maiden bliss Worshiped the beloved with a kiss.   Shauna: O Holy Night, by Placide Cappeau The King of kings lay once in lowly manger, In all our trials born to be our friend; He knows our need, To our weakness is no stranger. Behold your king. Katie: I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day by Henry W. Longfellow In despair I bowed my head “There is no peace on Earth,” I said For hate is strong and mocks the song Of peace on earth, good will to men … Then rang the bells more loud and deep God is not dead, nor doth He sleep” Matt: Angels, From the Realms of Glory by James Montgomery Justice now revokes the sentence, Mercy calls you, break your chains.

Parenting our children through the highs and lows of our technological world can be a challenge. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Jon Moser provides us with four helps. He gives us one technology lesson to instruct our children in. He gives us one technology danger to protect our children from. He provides one issue that we should be able to engage our children about and he gives us one redeeming quality that technology offers our kids. Show Notes: Instructive:  ·        Help your kids understand how social media algorithms work to populate their feeds. Help them understand the goals of the social media platform.   Protective:   ·        Protect your family's privacy. Encourage the use of privacy settings on social media platforms. Have a conversation about contact lists and who should be allowed into them. Consider using a VPN to protect against malware infection. ·        Example: protonvpn.com   Engaging:   ·        Engage with your children about technology use. Have a discussion about using technology well. Learn to identify when technology is controlling us. Learn to detach from technology and connect with the real world.   Redeeming:   ·        Technology can be used well. When we are better able to redeem our time because of the convenience of technology, we are using it well. Connecting loved ones across distances offers wonderful advantages.

With all the voices speaking into our teenage girls today, let's be sure ours is one. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Katie Miller turn up the volume on 3 critical ideas from which our teenage girls would benefit. And it's no surprise, God very much wants to speak into these important matters. Show notes:  Three things teen girls should know: 1.       Learn the sound of your inner voice. ·        Learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy self-talk. ·        Learn to tune out unhealthy self-talk. 2.       Learn to see your identity through God's eyes. ·        Learn the difference between identities that come to us from this world and those that come to us from God. ·        Learn to tune in to who God has created you to be. 3.       Learn to see yourself as an image-bearer of God. ·        Learn to detect where your self-image is coming from. ·        Learn that your value and worth come from God. Resources https://accounseling.org/spiritualgrowth/women/young-women-support/ JJ Heller song 

Ecclesiastes 3:11 says that "makes all things beautiful in his time.” This truth is curious. It would seem that God has an intention beyond making things right. Or making things work. Or making things whole. He intends more than those...He intends to make things beautiful. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk and Shauna Streitmatter help us understand beauty and faith. When our senses are exercised to detect beauty, we will live a bit more as we were created to live. Show notes: Beauty is beautiful: ·        Beauty is an intention of God. He creates things beautiful. ·        God sets the standard for beauty. Our senses can be exercised to better detect it. ·        Anywhere that beauty exists can be a place for worship of God. ·        Beauty is detected in our senses. We find art, music, flavors, textures and fragrances pleasing to our senses. ·        We detect beauty in our thoughts.  We find story and lyric appealing. ·        We must linger with beauty to appreciate it. It slows us down. ·        Beauty transcends usefulness. Not making life possible but making life worth living. ·        God is beautiful. Redemption is beautiful. Resurrection is beautiful.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 says that God makes all things beautiful in his time. This truth is curious. It would seem that God has an intention beyond making things right. Or making things work. Or making things whole. He intends more than those...He intends to make things beautiful. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk and Shauna Streitmatter help us understand beauty and faith. When our senses are exercised to detect beauty, we will live a bit more as we were created to live.  Show notes:  Beauty is beautiful.  Beauty is an intention of God. He creates things beautiful.  God sets the standard for beauty. Our senses can be exercised to better detect it.   Anywhere that beauty exists can be a place for worship of God.  Beauty is detected in our senses. We find art, music, flavors, textures and fragrances pleasing to our senses.   We detect beauty in our thoughts.  We find story and lyric appealing.  We must linger with beauty to appreciate it. It slows us down.  Beauty transcends usefulness. Not making life possible but making life worth living.  God is beautiful. Redemption is beautiful. Resurrection is beautiful. 

When it comes to having difficult conversations, many of us are avoidant. Unfortunately, this passivity is not helpful in the long run. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller helps us sort out the mindset and the skillset of stepping into these difficult conversations.  Show notes: When might a difficult conversation be necessary? ·        Difficult conversations might be necessary when silence on issues that concern us and others are leading to increasingly unhealthy ends. What goals should I have? ·        Goals for the outcome of a difficult conversation should not merely be influencing others on our behalf. Rather, healthy relationships and shared understanding should be objectives. What preparation should I do? ·        Prayerfully self-reflect. Understand the “story” you are making and develop a curiosity for the “story” other people have. As much as you can, make a safe place for dialogue. What skills should I bring to bear? ·        Attempt to be thoughtfully direct. Correct with objectivity and encourage with genuine authenticity. Be a curious listener and strive to remain on topic.

Personal change can be so hard sometimes. We want to think differently and act differently. But we don't. In this episode of Breaking Bread, three guests weigh in on the matter - a pastor, a psychologist, and a psychiatrist. Together, Jeff Waibel, Ted Witzig Jr. and Aaron Plattner explore the landscape of people change and provide hope that it is possible.

Personal change can be so hard sometimes. We want to think differently and act differently. But we don't. In this episode of Breaking Bread, three guests weigh in on the matter - a pastor, a psychologist, and a psychiatrist. Together, Jeff Waibel, Ted Witzig Jr. and Aaron Plattner explore the landscape of people change.

On divisive cultural topics like gender identity, sometimes we miss each other. Talking past each other. Unable to relate or understand with one another. To help with this understanding, Brian Sutter presents three lenses that capture three different “starting points” for the persuasions we hold. Show Notes: Mark Yarhouse in his book "Understanding Gender Dysphoria” presents three lenses through which we view the gender identity debate. By understanding these lenses, we will understand our persuasions and the persuasions of others better. Integrity Lens: “There is right and wrong in the world.” ·       Intent – The view of gender being created by God as either male or female. ·       Strength – This lens focuses on identifying what scripture says and holding closely to it. It fights for truth, right belief, and holy living by proclaiming truth even when it is contrary to culture. ·       Weakness – This lens can be cold, unloving, and judgmental. It can forget that sincere individuals can struggle with these issues. It can reinforce incorrect stereotypes about the Christian church. Disability Lens: “There are reasons for why we see brokenness in the world.” ·       Intent – This lens intends to be compassionate, understanding that all of life is touched by the fall and that human beings experience brokenness in all areas of life - including their gender. ·       Strength – This lens views individuals dealing with gender dysphoria with love and compassion. It seeks to provide information, support, counseling to help people work through gender dysphoria issues. ·       Weakness – This lens can overly identify the person dealing with gender dysphoria by their struggle. It can accidently view the individual's life as ‘on hold' until the individual is “cured.” Diversity Lens: “God is love.” ·       Intent – This lens intends to understand and celebrate the uniqueness of each person while providing them with acceptance and community. ·       Strength – This lens recognizes the value of all people regardless of whether gender dysphoria is a lived experience. It doesn't force people into molds. It desires each person to be included and loved in a caring community. ·       Weakness – This lens may elevate gender dysphoria to be the most important part of a person's identity. It may overlook unbiblical lifestyles and may not see a need for conforming to the teachings of the Bible. Each lens has strengths and weaknesses. We each need to understand the lens we view gender dysphoria through, mitigate its weakness and adopt the strengths in the other lenses.

Today we are thinking more deeply about gender -maleness and femaleness. To help, Brian Sutter and Craig Stickling share their insights on this important matter. In this episode of Breaking Bread, we discuss biological sex and its outward expression in our gender. Show notes: Terminology is important. The words we use make a difference. Further, the meaning of the terms we use change. It is important we are informed on the definition of terms. Biological sex – The binary sex determination that occurs genetically and is coded by chromosomes. Those who have XX pairing are female and those who have XY pairing are male. Gender identity – How a person categorizes their felt gender experience. Gender dysphoria – The distress a person experiences when their felt gender identity does not match their biological sex assignment. Gender expression – How a person lives out their gender assignment. Gender roles – Expected rules, roles and experiences that we assume on being male or female. We live in a changing world. Yet, some things remain the same. What is new to the scene and what is not? Gender dysphoria is not new to the scene. Distress over the felt gender experience has been around for a long time. Varying gender expressions is not new. Men and women have lived out their respective gender in a wide spectrum of ways. Today the meaning we make of our gender expression is taking on new conclusions. With increasing freedom, individuals are reflecting on their gender expression and drawing conclusions on their gender identity outside of the assigned biological sex assigned at birth. Culture today is straying from a biblical understanding of gender assignment. Today, many people view gender identity as not being constrained to the binary male or female as it has been in the past. Due to this, here is more emphasis on freedom of gender choice. Gender in today's culture is often understood to be on a spectrum. How can we understand the varied gender experience? There is not a spectrum of gender assignment; however, there is a spectrum for gender expression. God created each person male or female, yet how we live out that gender varies. There are common experiences held by most men. There are common experiences held by most women. However, no two person's gender experience is alike. Rather, we each have a unique gender expression that can glorify God's biological sex assignment. How can we help ease the gender dysphoria some experience? Some gender roles come from biological differences between male and female. Others are constructed and maintained by culture. It is important that we are thoughtful about what it means to be a man or a woman. We should be slow to calling into question those who don't fit gender stereotypes that are not sacred to the biological sex.

Parenting our children through the highs and lows of our technological world can be a challenge. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling provides us with four helps. He gives us one technology lesson to instruct our children in. He gives us one technology danger to protect our children from. He provides one issue that we should be able to engage our children about and he gives us one redeeming quality that technology offers our kids. Show Notes: Instructive: Help your kids understand that if you do not pay for the product, then you are the product. Every free app we use is earning money off of the user somehow. Often it is by advertisements. Protective: Sextortion is a growing concern. Young people are often targeted. A predator engages with them in a seemingly innocent way at first. This could be through direct messaging or otherwise. They lure the victim into taking a picture or video of themselves that they would not want the public to see. The predator then uses the image or video to blackmail the victim; threatening to send the content to friends, for example. If young people are being exploited, they are the victim of a crime, and it should be reported. Contact your local FBI field office, call 1-800-CALL-FBI, or report it online at fbi.gov. Engaging: Parents need to nurture the relationship they have with their children so that openness can be achieved. Open dialogue on technology issues should be the goal. Children and young people should feel free to openly discuss technological struggles, challenges and questions with trusted adults. Redeeming: Technology shows us how much we desire connection. Use this apparent fact to show your kids that connection with God is the connection our souls most crave.

Cognitive behavior therapy and EMDR are helpful tools in the clinical toolbox for treating complex trauma. In this audio recording, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter provide some wherewithal to what these are and other methods.

God asks us to participate in the life-giving care of people. Untangling the web trauma spins for those who have complex PTSD is one of those rewarding opportunities. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter take the discussion of complex trauma to the next level. They help us see what help looks like and gives us all a role to play. Show notes: Help for those with complex trauma can be understood in three phases: Phase 1: Safety and Stabilization Stabilize the victim and ensure their safety. Receive them on an emotional level. Help create for them a new safe experience that will over time help them construct a healthy meaning of their world. Phase 2: Processing Trauma Professionals in this phase can help create healthy meaning to old memories. Phase 3: Meaning Making and Reconnecting Help a victim engage in the world in a healthy way. Their difficult past does not bind them; rather it equips and provides value to their present.