Voices in the Dark

We live in a culture that prizes youth and tells us that, once our wild 20s are over, we're basically on the slow train to decay and death. But modern science tells us otherwise, as we set out to explore in this episode. Given the cultural narrative of decline and fall, do we even have a sense of what the stages of life are beyond child–teenager–worker–pensioner–dead? New research suggests that there are seven distinct 'primes of life', each with their own strengths, which call into question the narrative of inescapable decay. We look at what we gain as well as what we lose as our years increase – but not without questioning how the scientists came to these conclusions! The studies prompt us to ask what we should prioritise at different stages of our life – when's the time to go all-out, to study something deeply, or to be hitting the gym on the regular? The story of our physical and psychological development is complex and sometimes paradoxical. But beyond the science of it all, how can (and how should) we conceptualise all this so we can say we've led a Good Life? We dig into: the different strengths we gain as we grow older the power of myth to make sense of and value our different primes what we actually lose and gain how Jungian Psychology can reframe our dismissive, mocking attitude to having a 'midlife crisis' Jon riffs on what Carl Jung called the 'Individuation Process', the ancient concepts of the Daimon and the Genius, and we ask how these theories can help us to grow and become who we truly are. LINK: The scientist whose creativity was unleashed after having a stroke is Dr Jill Bolte Taylor. Check out her TED talk here. Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Jon's been getting disturbing dispatches from Andrea. Is the economy about to crash like never before? Was 2008's Big Short just a dress rehearsal for an incoming apocalypse that will shred the stock market and rewrite the future of society? More importantly, should we all be investing in GameStop? Well, perhaps. Andrea's been going incredibly deep into this very confusing world and he's back to fill the rest of us in. Jon's not convinced the end is nigh, but there's definitely something disturbing going on in the financial heart of our ‘civilisation'. Whatever happens next, we need to arm ourselves with better information and think about the kind of society we'd want to build in the prospective ruins of the current world order. Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Andrea returns for a live, YouTube-streamed episode as we finally get back in the recording saddle! And we're back with anger. Or at least, a certain kind of anger: the channelled variety which Andrea says is essential to making a true connection with and impact on the outside world. We've decided to shake things up a bit, so we're putting aside our coverage of 'The Laws of Human Nature' and, starting with this episode, will be focusing on issues that fire us up and which need to be talked about. What better place to start than a global conspiracy that continues to put the blame and responsibility for global warming and natural destruction on the shoulders of individuals rather than the true culprits... No, this isn't a 5G conspiracy – it's much worse than that... Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

This episode is an experiment. Jon turns on the mic for a solo cast – to reflect on what life in the pandemic means and the challenges of finding meaning and direction in a world where it feels impossible to plan for the future. We've also go an update for you on the state of the podcast, and Jon's inviting you to get in touch with him via his websiteto offer some feedback, questions, and prompts for future episodes like this. Jon then shares an article he wrote for the Los Angeles Review of Books which was published a few months ago: The Conspiracy on Pushkin Street: The Costs of Humour in the USSR. The piece reveals the long-lost story of five students who found themselves sentenced to the Gulag just for telling jokes and chewing the fat in their dormitory... it's a tragic tale which you'll see has more than a few unsettling parallels with modern-day Cancel Culture. Thanks for listening – we appreciate you. Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Here's a hidden treasure from the VITD archives for you – our interview with the brilliant and fascinating Michael Garfield! Michael's the host of the Future Fossils podcast, an artist, musician, and a 'sense-maker' of what it means to be having this strange human experience. We spoke to Michael some years ago and for reasons lost to history the episode got mislaid but has now resurfaced! So, not a whisper of Covid to be found, and Jon and Andrea might sound rather chirpier than they have during 2020 – both of which are distinct selling points for the episode. Listening back in the editing room has been a treat that's alternately mind-melting and mind-expanding. Michael brings his unique perspective as a futurist-palaeontologist to bear on the human condition, on what he calls 'a quest to be better ancestors'. In our chat, we dig into Big Questions: What even is reality? If we could truly grasp all its multiple layers, would we even want to, or would it simply drive us insane? Do we have souls and, if so, can they be cloned? And why is Richard Dawkins such a dick? Andrea shares what happened when he dropped acid and watched the whole of Altered Carbon – what do that show's ideas of 'the virtual' have to teach us about our inherently subjective perspective on, well, everything? We also talk Westworld, free will, where fantasies come from, and what it means to be insane. Frankly, there's no way to summarise the richness of this episode, so hit play and discover it all for yourself! Connect with Michael Michael's Patreon Page The Future Fossils podcast Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Envy is an inescapable part of the human experience. But nobody likes to feel – let alone admit to – envy. Instead, whenever we feel the stirrings of the green serpent, we rapidly turn the feeling outwards, projecting that gut churning insecurity onto the object of our desire. So, we're not envious – that person just got lucky; they knew the right people; their stuff isn't even that good! And on and on it goes, because we'd rather demolish someone else than pause for even a moment to admit that we actually feel inferior, weak and vulnerable. This episode quickly becomes very personal. Jon and Andrea put each other in the hot seat by revealing which envious tendencies they've detected in each other. The results are uncomfortable to say the least. And what about the dangers of provoking envy in others? They're not going to admit to that emotion either, so we need to learn to look beneath the surface in order to root out their true feelings. Learning to read microexpressions is just one to break the envy code. Robert counsels us against gossiping and badmouthing other people because this is often simply a mask for envy. But this troubles us. Is it really so bad to have some fun by badmouthing people we don't like? Does envy always lie just beneath the surface when we do this? Ultimately, giving everyone else the 'benefit of the doubt' without ever revising our opinions based on their actions is a one-way ticket to getting walked all over. Some people are simply assholes, and the most toxic among us have generally become highly adept at concealing it. The real lesson here is not that we should all try to be angels constantly beating ourselves up for feeling envy, but to become expert at understanding our own emotions. Is it envy we're projecting outwards into mean-spirited feelings, or, if we look closely, are these negative emotions justified by the actions of our target? This is delicate internal work, and we dig deep in this episode to understand the nuances between boundaries, envy, gossip, and just having some fun.   Also Including: The envious underbelly of Frankenstein's Mary Shelley First impressions and how to weaponise them Drag queens and envy The spectre of Brian Rose In our society, are dreams only for the talented? Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Maybe you've heard of the shadow? Even if you haven't, you've got one – and there's no escaping it. This episode, we discuss how to discover it, accept it, and stop being driven by negative emotions you don't consciously understand. Carl Jung's idea of the shadow side of the personality is fascinating, vital, and compelling. But it's usually presented in an incredibly complex way – thankfully Robert has made it super accessible, and we're here to break down what it means for all of us today. As we grow up, we're rewarded for certain kinds of behaviour and punished for others. We learn, as children and young adults, to edit ourselves so that we feel loved and accepted. The result is that we start to disown and shut away aspects of ourselves – locking them in the closet and pretending they don't exist. But they do... and sometimes they seize control. The shadow takes over. 'Something came over me!' people exclaim – but that's not true at all. Something came out of them. The shadow speaks, particularly at moments of anger, fear, and stress. Andrea warns that we have to take these emotional outbursts seriously. When people show you who they are – believe them. It doesn't mean that they are only their shadow, but if someone tells you 'you'd be nothing without me!', that came from a real (if usually hidden) place. This isn't just about losing your temper. It's also about how we unconsciously shape ourselves in a way to get our secret, shadowy needs met. If, deep down, we want to be cared for, we can become control freaks until we burn ourselves out and people have to look after us. Or if we feel attracted to members of the same sex, we can become virulently homophobic. Hidden behind these powerful emotions is something else, trying to find expression. Repression doesn't win: it only creates an opposing force which tries to burst its way out of the closet to finally get what it wants. The shadow cannot be escaped – it has to be consciously integrated. You can't make it other people's problems without trashing your relationships and living in a state of repression and denial. And that's exhausting – so exhausting that you won't have anything left over to live the rest of your life. To get anywhere with this psychological enquiry, we have to make sure we ground it in real life examples. Robert offers us the story of Richard Nixon, but we also throw ourselves under the bus, along with Trump, the Tiger King, and a guy who decided to trash Andrea's apartment. Also Including: What if Nixon had been loved? Do autistic people have a shadow – or are they living their shadow? Making sense of emotional outbursts Homophobia and the shadow The psychology of politics (and Donald Trump) Stop being aggressively unique! Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Time to escape the mind prison. This episode is like a shot of distilled Stoicism... are you ready? Tapping into our true nature and living a good life often comes down to breaking the cycle – to escape the common fate of becoming just an echo of an echo of all the mistakes that came before you, be it in your family or your community. If we don't break free, we end up repeating the same patterns and simply becoming a victim of our birth. This often plays out in what we might call The Drama Triangle, where we alternate between the roles of the Hero, the Victim and the Villain. It doesn't matter which role you play – the life you'll be leading is one of unnecessary and harmful drama. One of the ways to break free, Robert tells us, is to forgive others. But we question this – is it essential to forgive the people who've done you wrong, or is there a middle way that's more of a letting go and moving on? The world is inherently chaotic and over the years we start building defences to try to protect ourselves. We impose shapes and patterns through our beliefs about the world and about ourselves. Over time, these become ossified and unbending, and we close ourselves off from the great richness and variety of life. But we can overcome this fearful tendency. We can catch ourselves when we get stuck in fixed beliefs and intentionally restore the fluidity of attitude which brings ourselves and our world alive. The most important aspect of this is learning to let go of the need to be right and instead experiment with actually being happy in a world which we do not and cannot control. As we explore, our experience is inherently subjective and, as such, is in our hands. Robert calls on Carl Jung to help us navigate this reality with skill and awareness and thereby avoid becoming trapped in our own, unconsciously-constructed mind prisons. Robert provides us with tools to escape the mind prisons of anxiety, depression, and resentment (and Jon in particular shares his own struggles with these). If we don't do the work, we'll remain in prison. Free will probably exists – but it's really, really hard. We have to put in the work or otherwise resign ourselves to a life that rolls along the tracks laid out for us by habit, inheritance and fear.   Also Including: How to Chekhov yourself Debbie Downers and Negative Nancies The Japanese Consulate's emergency helpline for tourists in Paris Finding who you really are by trying out different personas Normal-speed montages Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

This is our second episode exploring The Law of Defensiveness, but this time we're breaking it down into some clear steps on how to hone our ability to interact and work with other people! Robert has five key strategies, some of which we dig, some of which we think need some careful reflection before we put them into practice. Becoming a Deep Listener is a great place to start – by listening to others and getting out of your own head and internal narrative, we can learn so much more about the person across from us. When we pay real attention to what lights someone up and what makes them anxious, we're able to shape our reactions appropriately, enriching the conversation and even forging a lasting relationship. Jon brings up his experience of studying a 'negotiation' course. We dig into the 'Mirror Technique' and how to use it without sounding like a malfunctioning robot. Another key technique is to proactively shape the mood of every interaction you have. This isn't rocket science, and yet we so often neglect to do it. If we take the time to bring the right energy to a situation, we can match speeds with other people and truly connect with them. When we try to speak to their best selves, we pay them implicit compliments and give them a judgement-free space to really come out of their defensive shell. Still, encouragement can be a delicate affair – we can be so prickly when it comes to critical feedback, but without it, we end up living a life of dangerous delusion. Confirming other people's self-opinion is a vital skill, but we need to be very careful not to chug down flattery and get drunk on compliments at the expense of reality. Another key principle is not to make other people feel beholden to you. As we explain, the counterintuitive trick to getting help is not to remind others that they owe you one, but instead to remind them of all they've done for you in the past. And, perhaps most important of all, we must carefully allay other people's insecurities by being sensitive to where they lack confidence. Instead, we can learn to praise their deliberate choices, valuing the work and effort they've made, rather than vaguely saying they have 'talent'. Telling Adele she's a great singer means nothing to her; complimenting her for the incredible nuance of her songwriting or emotional delivery, on the other hand, are far more meaningful contributions. Remember, this isn't about manipulation – this is about being a better human. If we could sum this up in a simple mantra, it would be: Don't manipulate people – invest in your relationships. Dividends will follow, but only if the investment is real. Also Including: The Conversation D-Pad – check it out here Providing the right kind of encouragement at the right moment Painting fences the Tom Sawyer way Doing a bad job... strategically Gifts that aren't gifts The decline of Jordan Peterson Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

This could be the most important Law of all: The Law of Defensiveness. At our emotional core, we're all desperately grasping onto three basic ideas – the sense that we're independent; that we are intelligent in our own way; and that we are, overall, a good and decent person. It doesn't matter that a lot of the time this isn't true – these ideas remain the cornerstones of our sense of self and we'll defend them to the last. Knowing this and learning how to manoeuvre our way around other people's internal narratives, we can finally begin to exert influence on the world around us. Robert takes the example of the rise of Lyndon Johnson. This prickly and driven young man was going nowhere fast in US politics, but once he learnt how to validate and play to other people's emotional needs, his ascent was nothing short of astonishing. What Johnson's story reveals is that effectiveness and influence isn't about having particular skills, abilities, or even about paying your dues. It's about making other people feel good around and about you. Robert reveals several key strategies to achieve this. First, we must play the role of the student: we must ask other people's opinions and advice, putting them at their ease and allowing them to feel seen and heard. So often we go through life trying to charm people with our own ideas, but this frequently backfires. When we stop talking about ourselves and what we think, we tune ourselves to other people's wisdom, experience and interests, opening the doors to deeper connection and ever greater possibilities. Most people also crave validation so badly that they can rarely turn it down. Once you become a source of that sweet nectar, you'll rarely have to ask for anything – they will want to do it for you. This rapidly starts to feel creepy and manipulative – but why? Jon and Andrea examine this disgust reflex because, when we look closely, this is how human relations work... we just spend a lot of our time ignoring it. Still, the ethics are confusing here. Are we merely making an unconscious habit into a conscious strategy, or are we lying in order to get what we want? Is this about finding ways to use people, or finding ways to connect and collaborate? Ultimately, this Law is about practical empathy and learning to put our egos on hold. Instead of building walls around ourselves, it's about going outside to explore the world and the people around us. It's also about the lessons we can learn from the Eagle of Resistance (tune in to find out what the hell that means...). Also Including: The power of the John Wick system Honesty as a blunt – and often offensive – instrument D&D rules for everyday life How to pay an effective compliment Ned Stark redeemed? Punishing passive aggression Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

It feels like we're living through a tipping point in world history. The year 2020 began with the Pope slapping a woman and the Australian wildfires (remember them?). That seemed dramatic at the time, but since then we've found ourselves in the midst of a pandemic, followed by mass protests that began in the US and are now spreading around the world. This episode we try to look behind the matrix: is anything really going to change as a result of the protests, or even the pandemic? Are politicians able or willing to change? And what should we be doing about it? As Trump sends in the army, Andrea thinks we're looking at a resurgence of Fascism. Is he right? Are we once again ignoring the warning signs as our grandparents did 100 years ago? We also respond to criticism we received for our last discussion of COVID-19. Are we just being armchair virologists, acting as if we know better just because we have a podcast? Well, we don't think so... Before the world goes down in a fireball of intolerance and disease, Jon wants to read you some poetry which has been making a positive impact on his life. David Whyte is an incredible poet and thinker – we hope his words will give you pause for thought amidst the chaos. Plus we contemplate the future of the podcast and what directions we might decide to take going forward. Get In Touch! And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Why do people get caught up in wild and implausible conspiracy theories, get-rich-quick scams and other tantalising pyramid schemes? As we learn in this episode, even brainboxes like Isaac Newton can't seem to resist the excitement that so easily overcomes our better judgement when we think we can shortcut our way to success. And that's the problem – it's exciting. The danger comes from our emotions: we are caught in the present, enslaved to our immediate hopes and fears. Robert helps us to pause and draw back from the desire for immediate (re)action. We need to learn to play the long game and stop living in the now. This is a double-edged sword, though: we mustn't get stuck in over-planning things either, or we lose sight of what truly matters... Jon unpacks his own history of paralysis by analysis, while Andrea highlights the underlying problem: If you're constantly terrified of making The Wrong Decision, then you either never choose, or never feel you made the right call. But what about when it comes to other people? When we're quick to judge, are we going with our gut, or are we just seeing what we want to see? We take a look at some strategies and tools to tell the difference – and in the process save your relationships, friendships, and indeed yourself from dubious business opportunities. Along the way Jon and Andrea reflect on their own major fuck-ups and offend all of China. Also Including: Horse and Sparrow Economics How do make conscious choices about risk Cobras in Delhi Jon offends all of China The modern mentor hustle Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

It’s Week 4 of Lockdown in the UK and we’ve got the band back together. Well, the duo. Andrea and Jon are back in the virtual studio to make some sense of a world awash with fear, confusion, conspiracy theories and lots of very bad science. What does the coronavirus mean politically, socially and culturally? How far should the state be involved in tackling the crisis? Are Sweden’s fears justified that any kind of lockdown opens the door to a totalitarian state that’d somehow be far worse than mass death? Andrea breaks down the science and the numbers (bad news, Sweden – you’re fucked). Despite that, Andrea is unusually optimistic about the world that might come after the crisis. What if breaking our routines or an unreflective faith in capitalism might lead us to build a more balanced, compassionate civilisation? How might that happen, and dare we believe it’s even possible? What the hell is going on with David Icke and conspiracy theories about 5G? In times like these, it’s hard to know what to think, and in the UK the authorities are clamping down hard on these ideas. But what about free speech? What’s the difference between censorship and ‘no-platforming’? Should we be supporting the principle of free speech, or should we be getting misleading fools off the airwaves? Away from the media, what are you doing during lockdown? There’s a strange sense of pressure to be super creative – to start all those projects you’ve been putting off for a rainy day… but is it really so bad (or ‘unproductive’) to just sit on the couch and rest? We also ask what The Black Swan has to teach us about the present moment and whether outsourcing your moral compass makes you a monster (like Batman). LINKS COVID-19 Trends for Italy, Britain, USA and Sweden Graph of Confirmed COVID-19 deaths Graph of Confirmed COVID-19 deaths showing relative change GET IN TOUCH! And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world BE SILLY. BE KIND. BE WEIRD.

We're living through some damn strange times. We wanted to release something to stay connected with you and to share some thoughts on the current Coronavirus crisis and its effects. Jon shares an article he's written about the vital role of humour in helping us to cope with and make sense of crisis, and why all those dark memes you might feel guilty for laughing at are actually essential for keeping us connected and (more or less) sane. Let us know what you'd like to hear right now. Do you have questions, topics, or other ideas that can spur is into recording action! Drop us a line: Get In Touch! And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

In this episode, Robert Greene forces us to confront our inherently covetousness nature: we always want what we don't have. And yet, if we do get those things, we rapidly fall out of love with them. Why does possessing something make our enjoyment of it fade? Why is the grass always greener on the other side, no matter how often we jump back and forth over the fence? Jon has experienced a lot of this recently. Nomadically wandering the globe was often stressful and demanding, and he found himself longing for stability and being closer to his friends. But, just a few months after settling back into the UK, he finds himself looking back at rose-tinted memories of life on the road. Context changes everything: the parts of us which are undernourished in any setting start to shout the loudest for attention. Is there a way to balance these competing desires? But this is about more than wanting physical things. We also do this with people! It's easy to become taken for granted if you make yourself too available to others; if you lay all your cards on the table; or if you act 100% predictably all the time. It's time to change things up and become more mysterious and elusive. This Law of Human Nature is closely connected to several of the 48 Laws of Power: Law 4: Always Say Less Than Necessary, Law 8: Make Other People Come to You – Use Bait if Necessary, and Law #16: Use Absence to Increase Respect & Honour. We humans just can't seem to help ourselves – when something seems scarce or just out of sight, we clamour to possess it, to unlock its mysteries. But what if being mysterious and playing games just isn't your nature? What if we're so bombarded these days by people being either ultra mysterious or ultra vulnerable that we're forgetting something crucial. We need to be more sensitive to context: tricks and tips about being mysterious and distant might work if you're playing networking or seduction games, but they are far less effective if you're trying to build deep interpersonal bonds. Doing a vanishing act and refusing to open up can be toxic for friendships, and, in truth, not even that good for business relationships (especially when dealing face-to-face). Ultimately, our innate covetousness – our desire for change and for more – can be harnessed for good. It can drive us to grow, to learn, to have new experiences and use our imaginations as a springboard into the future. The danger is that we just keeping looking for change and never enjoy what we have when we receive it People often say that, after climbing some kind of mountain in your life you realise it's lonely at the top. But wait a minute – what actually happens when you climb a mountain is an incredible, exhilarating sense of achievement and peace as you stop to take in the view. The trick is not to think about the next mountain, but to take the time to appreciate where you are, here and now.   Also Including: Why Coco Chanel was the master of this Law Struggling to Say Less Than Necessary when asked direct questions Are crowds reassuring or terrifying? How money and the internet ruin everything Mysterious sex Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

This episode we get together to discuss a variety of topics, ultimately centring around the seeming decline of popular culture into endless sequels and entertainment-by-algorithm. Where did it all go wrong, and why are so many of us still comfort-eating the shit out of it? In the wake of the Golden Globes and the release of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood we pause to reflect on why so many contemporary films and TV shows are so unconvincing. In a world saturated by 'cultural content', are we (and the actors themselves) becoming trapped in a hall of mirrors, constantly trying to be self-referential rather than capturing the moment as it unfolds? Culture by algorithm is a shitty way to live, and we reflect instead on the joys of the artistic creations that we've loved and lost ourselves in.   Also Including: The disturbing story of Britain's most prolific rapist What are 'Type A' and 'Type B' personalities – and do they matter? Why Jon is considering doing a nude photoshoot Andrea's distaste for The Rock Realising you're not everyone's cup of tea Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

After an unintentional hiatus, Jon and Andrea return for their seasonal year in review, where they reflect on what they've learnt, how their goals and values have changed, and what the goddamn hell might be next... This time we didn't quite manage to record in the bar of a 5-star hotel as we have in the past, but it was great to get behind the mics again and share what's been keeping us busy over the past few months. Jon has now finally moved to London (again), so more frequent episodes should be coming your way. So long as Andrea doesn't flee the country in the wake of Brexit, that is. Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

In this episode, we explore what 'true character' means and how to identify, deal with and master the major personality types we encounter in the world. Apologies for the short notes – big changes are afoot at Voices in the Dark, which we'll be sharing with you soon!   Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

The idea of the 'gentleman' increasingly seems a thing of the past – a costume drama caricature, or an old fashioned toff whose connection to the present day is, at best, a pending #MeToo revelation. Jon certainly held those prejudices until he was introduced to the work of Zach Falconer-Barfield, the man behind 'The Perfect Gentleman', who's made it his mission to bring the best qualities of the well-rounded, Renaissance gentleman into our modern world. We quiz Zach on what being a gentleman really means, from manners and style, to etiquette and honour. As he sums up, the key is 'to make others feel at ease, even at expense to yourself' – something which goes far beyond simple ideas of 'masculinity' and into being a socially-conscious person who lives and acts deliberately, according to a strong internal code. But this is 2019. What about the crisis of masculinity? What about toxic masculinity? Isn't a gentleman a dangerous thing to be in today's world? Zach has a different take: we're experiencing a crisis of gender. As thousand-year-old stereotypes and norms have increasingly unravelled in just a few decades, we're only beginning to find our feet. And when we find our feet, we can also find balance: the balance of the 'masculine' and 'feminine' in each of us. This is a far-reaching and far-ranging conversation about the human condition and our modern lives. Fundamentally, it is a conversation about respect: respect for oneself and respect for the people around us.  Including: Manners vs. etiquette Which James Bond was the most gentlemanly? Reforming the education system How the Victorians stifled our emotions Practising deliberate style Developing your personal honour Find Out More: The Perfect Gentleman website, Facebook, and Instagram Becoming the Perfect Gentleman book Follow Zach & Andrea's cooking show: The Suited Chef Zach's personal Instagram Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

In a vast modern world, where we're constantly encountering strangers and trying to work out where they're coming from and how we can operate and cooperate together, we're living quintessentially unnatural lives compared to the tight-knit communities in which we evolved. It's as though we're living behind enemy lines: everyone's playing some kind of game we don't quite understand, saying one thing, but doing another; smiling while they hold a knife behind their backs... Help is at hand! This episode provides us with the vital tools we need to understand what people really think, really feel, and the motivations they're often trying frantically to hide. From unconscious body-language to the micro-expressions which betray their true feelings, Robert Greene dissects the role playing and hierarchy games that surround us daily. People are essentially emotional sieves: the emotions will leak out, whether they like it or not. And it's vitally important that we focus on that emotional leakage rather than believing the words alone. As ever, The Laws of Human Nature also turns the spotlight back on you. This episode drills down into what you'recommunicating without realising it. Robert forces us to recognise that we are all consummate actors, but we've forgotten that we're acting. We know certain tones and expressions that get results; we know how to present our 'best side' in a given situation. We play so many different roles all the time... But too often this means we become trapped in them, forgetting that they're all just a game based on the culture in which we're swimming.  Also Including: Life lessons from drag queens Where accents come from The 'authenticity' trap Othello's Error and how to avoid it The dangers of 'Dude-Man-Bro Mode' Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagram and Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

What would you do if the police called, informed you that you're a victim, and that they want you to give evidence about a sexual assault you've already tried to put behind you? That's the bizarre and challenging situation Jon found himself in recently, and in this episode we talk about the emotional and moral dilemmas he faced when trying to deal with it. Should you participate in a police investigation if the likely outcome is that someone goes to prison – a place where rehabilitation definitely takes a backseat to punishment? Where is your moral or social duty in all this? Shouldn't you take action if it could help others... but what if the authorities won't tell you enough to know whether you'd really be helping anyone at all? (And, being the police, do they even seem to care about the 'helping' rather than the 'punishing' aspect?) This is a Bro Talk episode, so we also spiral outwards across a variety of other subjects, from V for Vendettato dreams of abandoning your family, what makes a person delicious, to why we should rethink the word 'promise' and its role in our lives. Jon has started playing World of Warcraftagain and is worried about whether this spells the end of his life... or if real life is ultimately inferior to online gaming. Subject to being abandoned on a desert island, Andrea is plotting to write a book about why irreversible decisions are the only things that give meaning to our lives. And, just because we can, we try to untangle Andrea's unique mix of misanthropy and romanticism, before contemplating how much popular support we'd need to start a revolution. Also Including: Why does rape seem worse than murder? Becoming Schrödinger's victim What does Anarchism really mean? Dropping acid in a concentration camp Handshake deals and what they (should) really mean Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Last time we unveiled the disturbing psychology of narcissism; in this episode we explore some vivid historical examples and what we can all learn from them. From Joseph Stalin to attention-crazed nuns, the inner world of the narcissist is brought to life in alarming technicolour. But that's just one side of the coin. This chapter of Robert Greene's incredible The Laws of Human Natureis ultimately about cultivating empathy: the ability to understand other people's emotional worlds, and our own into the bargain. Empathy takes us back to our favourite Law of Power: Always Say Less Than Necessary. Because, put simply, when we speak less we learn more. It's time to become a constant anthropologist: to observe, to learn, and to gather data before we make our own moves. Robert calls for us to stop trying to steal the spotlight and instead learn to fine-tune our innate human ability to read other people's emotions. If we cultivate 'visceral empathy', we can look beneath the surface and into body language and unconscious facial expressions. Where are they coming from? Behind their words, what are they really communicating? After all, when we screw up, we tend to blame circumstances and external factors; when other people screw up, we tend to blame some perceived flaw in their character... So what would happen if we were to give them the same indulgence? Which brings us to the problem of preconceived notions – racism, xenophobia, sexism, and more. Until we identify these prejudices in ourselves, we destroy our ability to connect with and understand other people. On the other hand, Andrea seems to have the opposite problem: of too often assuming everyone he meets is going to be lovely... In this episode, we discover that total control narcissists are astonishingly empathic, but in their hands this becomes a tool of power and manipulation. We explore the world of the theatrical narcissist – the people who crave attention and who will always try to create more drama to ensure they get their fix. (This is also a mask commonly used by Social Justice Warriors and moralisers of all stripes.) And then there's the narcissistic couple – where the relationshipitself becomes a nexus of narcissism. This makes for some uncomfortable reflections on one of Jon's past relationships, and the moment when empathy collapsed... Also Including: Lessons from relationship expert Esther Perel What does racism even mean today? The power of unconditional love More reasons to avoid Brian Rose (as if you needed more) The genius of Ernest Henry Shackleton Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Narcissists aren't what you think they are. We throw the word around so liberally these days that it's almost been drained of real meaning. But narcissists are real. Narcissists are dangerous. We need to know how to spot them before we become enmeshed in their web of psychological warfare. First of all, narcissists are not the same as egotists. They actually don'tthink they're amazing and then try to force their amazingness on the rest of us. On the contrary, they have such a damaged and fragile sense of themselves that they rely on outside input to feel that they exist at all. They have no self-esteem safety-net and instead live a desperate existence in which they try to make everything about them. Lacking a core sense of self means you endlessly try to calibrate and maintain it in relation to other people. That means drama, mind games, and a brutal disregard of other people's lives and agency. But Robert Greene reveals a still more disturbing truth which we dig into in this episode. We are all on the narcissist spectrum. We all see the world with us at its centre. We find ourselves waiting to speak rather than listening to others. We take things too personally and react with anger rather than trying to put ourselves in others' shoes and think about what lies behind their words and their actions. This episode provides you with a toolkit for recognising deep narcissists before they entangle you (because at first they will seem incredibly warm, charming and insightful). But it also turns the magnifying glass back on ourselves so that we can strive to become healthy, empathetic narcissists. We can't disown our nature, but we can certainly do the personal work to make ourselves better, kinder and more effective humans. Jon and Andrea open up about their own narcissistic tendencies, the mistakes they've made, and the narcissists they've survived. We talk about abusive bosses, partners and mentors... and in the process pull back the curtain on Andrea's time at London Real to tell you who Brian Rose really is. Also Including: How perturbation points shape who we are Fucking up your kids The virtues of silence Treating people as ends, not means The healthy narcissist and how to become one Social Justice narcissists Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Jon's back from Indonesia and is experiencing reverse culture shock as he returns 'home' to London. From that unstable vantage point, in this catch-up episode we talk about getting things done, why closing 'loops' in your day-to-day life is essential for your mental and emotional health, and how to take meaningful action in the absence of clarity. In aid of those goals, Andrea's adopted a policy of having no boundaries with other people. But how can that possibly work long term? We debate how to tame our psychological disposition to look for problems rather than positives, and why the grass is ever so much greener wherever you are not. Jon also went to One Last Talk, an event designed by our friend and sometime mentor Philip McKernan. There, ordinary people stand up and speak as if this was the last thing they could ever share with the world. Political rants and 5-step success plans are strictly off the table here. You can't tell the audience what they should do with their life, only share aspects of yours which feel more true than any Tony Robbins tribute act could manage. Now Jon's somehow agreed to give his own One Last Talk– but what should it be about, and how do you know when it's the right time to do it? Also Including: Willpower: do we have a finite amount? Why freelancers shouldn't quote Assuming positive intent and why Commercialising enlightenment How to give genuinely helpful advice Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Do you find yourself repeating the same negative patterns in life? Finding yourself in the same argument with your partner, friends or colleagues? Or maybe reacting to stress with the same emotionally destructive fire, which you always end up bitterly regretting afterwards? To understand how we humans tick and why these patterns can dominate and strangle our lives, first we have to confront the uncomfortable truth: we are all fundamentally irrational. This episode, we explore why that's true, why we constantly try to pretend it's not, and what we can do to be better, happier and more effective humans. In it, we confront and begin to unshackle ourselves from our inner tyrant: the roiling emotions which secretly control and often enslave us. Unlike The 48 Laws of Power, Robert Greene's new book is not so much about how to get other people to do what you want, but how to get yourselfto do what your rational mind truly desires. So what does it mean to worship the rational, as the Ancient Greeks did during the height of their civilisation? As we dig deeper into the topic, we realise that there's a danger, too, in taking rationality too far. Without emotion, we can become sociopaths, or we find ourselves in a state of paralysis by analysis. Robert takes us on an epic tour of the hidden biases which undermine our ability to be rational, from confirmation and group bias to the bizarre and dangerous consequences of the 'halo effect'. Do you know why you make decisions? Do you stop and consider where your emotional reactions are actually coming from? What if we think about everyone we encounter as a salesman of sorts, peddling their particular views and desires and pressuring us to impulsively buy-in? The Laws of Human Naturehelps us to learn that we should never impulse-buy on the doorstep. But we also have to think of the emotional forces within us the same way: don't succumb to their wiles as they try to sell you the same old reactive and destructive patterns that you've probably been playing with since childhood. Robert teaches us how to observe the clues to our own and others' natures; to analyse our emotions down to their roots and discover their true origins... and, in the process, how to Know Thyself. Along the way, Jon and Andrea share some (often painful) moments where their emotions and biases took control; why they've given up on trying to change other people; and what it means to exist on purpose. Also Including: The ancient Greek concept of nousand why it can save your life Why men often transmute all strong emotions into anger Identifying your emotional salesman – and getting them in line! Making your mind a safe space The power of assuming positive intent Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Time for a catch-up episode in which Andrea recounts what happened during the first psychedelic trip he's taken in quite some time, how the Disney film Moanamight be the most important thing we've ever seen, and why immigrants are often the best people you'll ever meet. Jon dispels the myths surrounded 'digital nomadism', and we talk about how and why we should seek to build our own, modern tribes. This one's been a bit delayed due to work commitments and Jon being very unwell for the past few weeks. So, please bear with us as we attempt to resume normal service (and sanity) in the near future! Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Welcome to the beginning of our new in-depth series on the work of Robert Greene, one of the most important and successful authors to explore what makes us human... and how we can all learn to do it better. Andrea describes Robert's new book, The Laws of Human Nature, as 'the distillation of how to be a human being... and not to let it get to you'. The book and this podcast series are the ultimate guide to fulfilling the eternal challenge to 'Know Thyself'. It's the handbook for learning to 'see the Matrix' and reshape the source code. We've all been born human, but we never got the instruction manual. Robert Greene defines 'human nature' essentially as the emotions and evolutionarily-developed instincts which continue to control us, largely without our conscious minds ever knowing it. This approach is what makes The Laws of Human Natureso different – and so much richer – than The 48 Laws of Power. Both volumes begin with the pointed assertion that we go through life often at the mercy of other people: the manipulative boss, the cheating spouse, or the two-faced friends. Unless we learn to read between the lines and not take everything and everyone at face value, we'll be victims of power games all our lives. But this book immediately flips the script and emphasises that we also have to work on ourselves. If the Laws of Power got a bad rep for allegedly making you a Machiavellian manipulator, this book forces you to confront your darkest sides with shocking and often painful honesty. We're all on the spectrum of narcissism; we all have a shadow side; we all have negative patterns that we fall into time and time again. Don't you want to escape those patterns and start rewriting the code of the Matrix you're currently trapped inside? As Robert says, if you ignore the laws – if you ignore your human nature – you're merely dooming yourself to a life spent repeating the same negative and destructive patterns. And if you try to hide from your own shadow, you become a virus in your own operating system, constantly in denial about your true nature. This series will also mark the end of your attempts to be 'authentic'. The cult of authenticity has been growing for some time in today's culture, but it's completely misleading: you're not only one thing, and you're not going to get far in life or make many friends if you're unable to adapt your behaviour to different contexts. Finding your 'identity' is one thing; believing that you then need to wrap it up in a neat bow and shove it down people's throats is something else... That's not what The Laws of Human Natureis about. As we continue Voices in the Dark's mission of Learning How To Human, this series promises to help you become a more intuitive, empathetic person, whom others will want to be around. This is about recognising your darkness and becoming an integrated, actualised human being. As Robert puts it, you are about to begin an apprenticeship in human nature. So it's time to don your oxygen mask before helping others... The only downside is that this oxygen mask is filled with the darkest parts of your own shadow! Strap in – things are about to get real... Also Including: Your shadow side, and how to find it Cat psychology as the key to our own neurology Who are you without other people? The difference between manners and etiquette – and why it matters If J.K. Rowling wrote a self-help book Are Autistic people living their own shadow? Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Jon's back in London because, in strange symmetry, his grandfather died shortly after Andrea's. So, we decided to make a mixed episode in which we finish off Think & Grow Richand add some further reflections on what life is in the face of death and how we become who we are, with or without the aid of self-help. In short, we've decided it's time to take Napoleon Hill to the wood shed and put him down. His book is the foundation stone of the self-help industry, and as such it's also a raw source which highlights many of that genre's shortcomings. In reading it, we realise we've reached a point in our lives where it feels like we've seen all the self-help genre has to offer. There's certainly still plenty of space for books which explore the human condition, philosophically, psychologically and otherwise, but when it comes to self-programming and trying to find The One True System to Achieve Your Dreams... there's only so much this field has to offer. More problematically, what it offers always seems to be a one-size-fits-all approach which ignores the rich variety of human experience. In truth, not all brains work the same. Some people can't visualise, for example, and others are never going to be inspired by having the sergeant-major-yelling-at-you-until-you-succeed model. And even the same people need to take different approaches according to the context they're in. So, while there's nuggets of wisdom to be garnered from Napoleon Hill and others, we still need to remember that, above all, being able to flow – to be like water, as Bruce Lee put it – is the most important quality for leading the good life. In the aftermath of self-help, Andrea has some simple but very real life advice for us to consider: Try to keep going as long as you can. Try not to get too down, but it's fine if you do. Try be as likeable as possible. And, someday, you might make it. That's it – the rest is just decoration. If people like you and you keep going, you might get lucky enough to know the right person at the right time for one of your opportunities to pan out. That's about it; that's how life works. – Andrea That might not sound as seductive as a 5-step system or the secret key that unlocks the mysteries of success, but maybe it's a healthier, truer perspective which doesn't pile on the pressure so much and make us judge ourselves so harshly. And then it's time to consider life through the lens of death. Jon shares the emotional experience of being at his grandfather's funeral and walking around his house, looking at the artefacts of a life of a person who's now gone forever. We talk about how to make sense of ourselves in relation to others, and what it means to remember a person accurately when we can never truly know the 'complete' person. Jon's dad gave a beautiful speech at the funeral, about how he's coming to terms with his relationship to his own father and what it feels like to see his face in the mirror each morning. We've never finished a podcast with both of us in tears before, so this one's a special episode for us. Thanks for listening.   Also Including: Long-distance (podcasting) relationships Is self-help just a religion for the self-involved? When being open-minded is a bad thing How emotions shape the stories we tell ourselves (and why we should ignore them) Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

This episode is a long overdue catch-up. We cover a lot of ground across the worlds of culture, censorship, sex and psychology. But it's also about grief. Andrea's grandfather died recently and he opens up about the experience of losing someone for the first time with whom he was truly close. Before that, we catch up with Jon and what it's like living the 'digital nomad' life in Chiang Mai. If the internet has made it childishly simple to connect with people in new places, it seems that this can just as easily result in tribalism rather than finding your tribe. We wonder why expat communities can be so toxic and question whether people who adopt a 'nomad' lifestyle are often those who just can't stick around too long in one place because they're fundamentally obnoxious. All the same, Jon's still been meeting some interesting people – including some who are 'clearly' gay but don't seem to have realised it. What should you do in situations like these – stage an intervention? Launch a mixed orgy to help turn the lights on for these people? Given that facial recognition software can now accurately tell if someone's gay, is it really going too far to say gaydar is a real thing and might come with some moral responsibilities (to stage orgies)? As we descend deeper into these sexual waters, Andrea unleashes his latest concept: #MeThree. This is when you're witnessing a nonconsensual activity, but you're really not sure what to do about it. How can you tell if it's your place to step in, or if you've just got the wrong end of the non-innuendo-filled stick? But if you don't step in, maybe you'll end up being shamed. We live in a culture rife with social shaming, but Andrea argues this is ultimately a good thing – and a timeless practice, to boot. After all, aren't we rather naive to think that just because we're no longer offended by things our parents considered taboo, that we're now ready to accept anything? Jon feels leery around Andrea's solution of self-censorship, which leads to a deep riff on the limits of personal freedom and expression. And then we come to death, after which personal freedoms and the hang-ups of everyday life can seem thoroughly irrelevant. Andrea describes his first funeral experience and the powerful emotions it brought up for him. He describes his guilt and frustration that he hadn't seen his grandfather for several years because he'd been waiting for the 'right moment' – the moment when you feel you've got your life together enough that you can visit your relatives and they can feel happy and proud of you when you tell them how things are going. But how much does that really matter when time runs out? We also talk about the inextricability of humour and grief; the idea that death is a crime against the Arts, because, ultimately, a person's life is a work of art; and we consider what our own funerals might look like. Also Including: Why it scientifically only makes sense to drive on the left Demystifying dropshipping Men's groups and secret homos Fisting as an intervention strategy Faking your own funeral Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

We're filled with sexual energy, and it's down to us to harness this force and use it to transform our creative and business efforts into 'genius'-level achievements! At least, that's what Napoleon Hill tells us... but it becomes increasingly clear over the course of the chapter that he may have had a pretty hefty sex-drive and potentially shaped his philosophy to justify it to himself. So, can you use sexual energy to fuel success in life? Or is Think and Grow Richat its heart The Book of Mormonfor self-help-loving entrepreneurs? The book's cult-like nature is certainly on full display here – after all, no cult would be complete without some weird sex stuff... Still, there's a reason this book is a perennial bestseller and we try to understand why and to flag up the parts which make sense and those which might lead you (horribly) astray. Napoleon haphazardly tries to emphasise the value of finding a Muse, for example, which is a fascinating subject (but not without its own pitfalls). We think sex drive emerges out of broader life success, rather than being its essential fuel. It's hard to think of sex when you're in the midst of trying to make the rent, after all, so maybe Napoleon got things a little back-to-front... All of which leads us into a deep discussion about whether the modern push for men to express their feelings is actually a good thing. Andrea thinks it may be a self-indulgent exercise which leads nowhere, but Jon strongly disagrees. Does talking achieve anything, or are we just getting lost in the self-help vortex of always buying the next book, rather than putting the lessons into action? This might be our final instalment of Think and Grow Rich, so let us know what you make of this iconic (and weird) chapter, and how the series has affected you overall. Also Including: The curse of YouTube and Flanders-isation Why women should have sex before sports Don't check your privilege – use it for good! Unleashing the Philosopher's Bone The elephant and the rider Get In Touch! Discuss the episode over on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

What would you do if your physiotherapist's hands started wandering? Would you even know howto say 'stop'? Could you be sure something sexual was actually taking place before it was too late? And what if it wassexual and you wished it hadn't happened afterwards? This happened to Jon not so long ago. He's still not sure what to think about it. The physiotherapist in question has now been put on the sex-offenders' register. So what the hell is Jon meant to make of this experience now? That's our starting point for this episode. How does consent work? Is there a place for confusion in sexual scenarios? And is society falling short in giving us the tools to understand and cope with unwanted sexual scenarios? This is complex territory. Everything is about sex except sex. Because sex is about power. That's Andrea's argument and it leaves Jon feeling rather different about the experience. Does a greater awareness of the 'therapist's intention make Jon feel like a victim? Would that mean you become a victim through reflection rather than through the an experience itself? These issues can affect anyone, but there's also deeply-rooted cultural ideas at play. Many of us would assume that a man can always say 'no', that he can't be manipulated and put into sexual situations he doesn't know how to control or change. This episode, we challenge those assumptions head-on. In doing so, we put forward some tools for how to cope with situations like this if they arise. Simply having a model to refer to in the midst of the panic and confusion can go a long way to ensuring a better (if not ideal) outcome. We then move on to explore the fundamental aspects of another key source of confusion in our social (and sexual) lives: Narcissism. It's a tough diagnosis to pin down, but we've come across the perfect summary: The Narcissist's PrayerThat didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, it's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it. We unpack this 'prayer' and also challenge you (and ourselves) to reflect on the Trump in all of us. Get In Touch! We'll be chatting about the episode on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

This week's foray into the world of Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich is all about the subtle art of making decisions. Procrastination is the destroyer of so many dreams, but how can we successfully combat it? What makes a 'good decision', anyway, and how can we prime ourselves to make them on the regular? The stakes are higher than they might at first seem. If you are ultimately the sum of the decisions you make, then procrastination is a failure to besomething. Decisions in a sense constitute your identity and, if you're no good at making them, you end up sleepwalking your way into a life you never chose because you just kept on rolling with the defaults. Napoleon Hill thinks we should make decisions quickly, but then be very slow to alter those decisions later. Jon's not so sure, but as we dissect examples from history and from our own lives, we begin to make sense of this notion. Maybe the ideal rule of thumb is: don't make quick decisions, but make decisions quickly. Still, there's a lot of dangerous advice out there in the self-help field from coaches who incite you to make immediate and irrevocable change immediately. Sure, you're never going to have 'perfect' information from which to make a decision with 100% confidence, but it's still important to consciously decide what you needto know before pulling the trigger. And yet, part of the problem we face as we grow older is that we accumulate so many knocks and too much experience of things going wrong, which then stands in the way of us making firm and quick decisions... Being trapped in other people's opinions is another life-hazard that it can be hard to escape. But don't worry – this episode will provide you with some practical advice and insights to help you overcome paralysis through analysis and getting stuck swimming in the soup of other people's opinions. Some decisions – and maybe the most important – are ultimately about setting boundaries. The boundaries that, if other people cross them, result in very clearly-defined actions. You broke my trust? This romantic relationship is over. You refuse to accept my time is worth this money? Then I can't continue this relationship without cheapening myself. We also challenge you to recognise that you will never get to the end of all the work or duties you have to do. And, with that in mind, you must make the time you need to do positive things for yourself. There is no final mountain you will climb, on which you'll suddenly have all the time you've been craving to care for and develop yourself. Procrastination is just what we do out of a desperate desire to serve these needs. Decisions are what we do in order to take those things we deserve and desire. Also Including: There's no such thing as 'the right choice' Taking advice while remaining true to yourself How the Unconscious shapes our decisions Where to place your Grief Fountain Active listening – what it is and why you need to master it Going vegan for an easy life Get In Touch! We'll be chatting about the episode on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

It's 2019 and that means it's time for our annual catch-up and reflection episode as we contemplate how the year's gone, what we achieved, what we didn't, and where we see the podcast (and our lives) going in the future! This is the first episode we've recorded since Jon moved to Thailand, so Andrea grills him on what life is actually like halfway round the world, and what the realities are of this whole 'digital nomad' thing. So far, Jon's dodged a typhoon, failed to see Bangkok, and is already wondering if all digital nomads are essentially confidence hucksters... We also discuss our (lack of) New Year's Resolutions, why 'going towards the fear' is often a really bad idea, and which laws Jon's breaking at present...  Get In Touch! We'll be chatting about the episode on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

When it comes to self-help, everyone loves a good old fashioned list, and Napoleon Hill, as the man who practically invented the genre, has got plenty of them. But this list is particularly important. Here he delves into the most common causes of failure in life – the things which cheat us of our true potential. You'll recognise many items on this list, whether you brought them upon yourself, became the unwitting victim of them, or have watched others around you fall foul of their malignant influence. But recognising them and taking action are two different things; realising your success shoelaces are undone isn't the same as fastening them before you start sprinting towards your goals! Still, this extensive series on Think and Grow Richis designed to take a sceptical and reflective look at Napoleon Hill's advice, and we've got quite a lot of bones to pick with him here. How exactly are we supposed to overcome an 'unfavourable hereditary background', for example, and what the hell is Napoleon's obsession with 'transmuting' sex energy? Still, some of the advice hits closer to home for Jon and Andrea when Napoleon turns his critical eye on spending habits and the fear of taking big steps into the unknown... Did you recognise some of these 30 Causes of Failure from your own life? Does recognising their existence change how you think about the future? What're you going to do to make sure your success shoelaces are suitably fastened?? Let us know through the links below! Get In Touch! We'll be chatting about the episode on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

The second instalment of our still-not-quite-entitled catch-up series in which Jon and Andrea discuss everything that's been hitting their radars over the past week. This week, we trash gender studies, take a deep dive into what makes movies great, and Andrea tries to explain how he ended up at a major international event at which Nigerian leaders invited the rest of the world to come and pillage their natural resources. Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

What makes a good leader? What makes a bad one? We certainly know the difference when we have to work for them, but do we really know what it takes to cultivate and sustain respect? In this episode of our series dissecting Napoleon Hill's perennial classic, Think and Grow Rich, we delve into the crucial differences between power and influence, leaders and followers, and the myriad definitions of 'quitting'. Although this chapter of Napoleon's book seems to have been written with a flak cannon, there's still a surprising amount of practical, actionable advice to be gleaned. There's pointers on how to get your dream job, how to market your skills and services as a freelancer (particularly useful for Jon as he embraces/sinks under the freelance lifestyle), and some of the nitty-gritty of setting up your Mastermind Group. As ever, we don't agree with everything Napoleon has to say, and we try to guide you to the nuggets of wisdom hidden amidst the sometimes outdated, sometimes outright dangerous advice. For a book that's often been cast as a leadership manual, there's a surprising amount about cooperation and consent in this chapter. Which is welcome news, because you're going to need some help to implement Napoleon's vague advice about planning ('make a plan; if it doesn't work, make another'). We also home in on what loyalty really means, whether quitting is sometimes the right strategy, and we set about rehabilitating the concept of Personal Honour! Including: The truth about London Real Are in-person meetings still important in the digital age? Why loyalty matters Is dressing for success a real thing? Lessons in leadership from Joseph Stalin Get In Touch! We'll be chatting about the episode on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world   Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

With Jon moving to Thailand in the next few weeks, we've decided to start a new regular series where we catch up, share our experiences and dig deep into the cool and weird ideas and situations we've been encountering. You, dear listeners, have repeatedly asked us to share more of what we get up to in life and in the making of the show, so here – finally – is what you've been asking for! For this first episode, Jon talks about the psychological and emotional challenges of switching to freelancing. Without the reassurance of a monthly pay-cheque he's having to deal with a constant stream of challenges that push all of his insecurity buttons: bartering, drawing boundaries with disrespectful clients, taking on daunting projects with tight deadlines, and much more besides. Freelancing is meant to bring greater freedom in life, but when you're hustling to make a few bucks, how do you carve out the time to actually enjoy that 'freedom'? And what about Thailand? Would you be willing to travel long-term? What're the pain-points of embracing a digital nomad lifestyle? In this episode, we also get deep into social psychology: Jon's been watching Derren Brown shows which expose just how susceptible we all are to social pressure and social conformity – even to the point of committing horrifying acts of violence. We talk about how to avoid being controlled by other people, highlight key psychological experiments that reveal how easily manipulated we can be, and how to deal with cultural differences without defaulting to stereotypes. Plus, Andrea's had a personal revelation: he finally understands some of the core tenets of Stoicism and how impermanence and meaning are emotionally connected in our minds. Needless to say, this swiftly becomes part of Andrea's New Ten Commandments. Links: Derren Brown's incredible shows, Sacrificeand The Pushon Netflix   Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

We've been talking about Napoleon Hill's wildly popular self-help book, Think and Grow Rich, for the past few weeks, but whatever we make of the text itself, the question remains: Does this stuff actually work? So this week we've got a treat for you – our guest, the brilliant poet and writer JJ Bitters, tells us exactly what happened to him when he decided to spend a whole year doing everythingNapoleon Hill instructs us to do! First of all, JJ used it to battle depression, but this specific goal swiftly evolved into a much greater journey. After years of OD'ing on self-help books and being frustrated by the lack of results, JJ's Think and Grow Richadventure rapidly eroded his natural scepticism and confronted him with a series of seemingly impossible coincidences and surprises. Or, as he puts it, weird shit started happening pretty damn quickly! We try to make sense of what happened to JJ throughout that year and, in the process, we explain how affirmations really canwork, what cultivating a MasterMind group means in practice, and how to drink your own kool aid without doing yourself serious damage. In a sense, JJ created his own belief system, but that always comes with enormous risks. He went through crises of faith, anger, and more depression; he realised he was becoming unhealthily focused on money at the cost of his happiness. But, ultimately, his Think and Grow Richexperiment fostered positive behavioural and emotional change, and left him a better person than when he began. If we could pick just one takeaway from this awesome conversation, it's that all self-help should be used as a tool, not as a religion.   More from JJ Bitters: JJ's beautiful Instagrampage JJ's fundamental affirmation: 'I love life, I love myself, and I love all others' Including: Making affirmations for what you dowant, rather than what you don't Developing a healthy relationship with money The best day of JJ's life When Napoleon Hill interviewed the Devil Blacking out with Rick and Morty Get In Touch! We'll be chatting about the episode on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world   Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

This week we explore Napoleon Hill's theories about using the power of the imagination in order to Think and Grow Rich. Without an active, well-oiled imagination, we don't dream big, we don't make plans, and therefore we never take action. But, this being Napoleon Hill, he takes things to the next level very quickly. In short, Napoleon thinks we're capable of creating anythingwe can imagine. How can that be possible? Jon's sceptical, but Andrea thinks that if we take the longer view, as a species we're capable of immense things. The problem, though, is that if we read self-help books and think that we as individualscan visualise anythingand see it come to pass in our lifetimes, we're at serious risk of losing perspective. Napoleon believes there's two kinds of imagination – synthetic and creative. Synthetic imagination is just about shuffling around existing ideas and knowledge, while creative imagination, he thinks, magically emerges from vibrations between people's subconsciouses. Modern brain science tells us otherwise and we highlight the dangers of trying to imagine there's a divine providence behind hunches and intuition. It might give us a boost of confidence, but it's ultimately disempowering to think that our lives are driven by some kind of mysterious god-force rather than by taking personal responsibility for what we do. It's true that our imaginations are incredibly powerful – we really can make our own realities. But that power is neutral and therefore needs to be handled carefully and consciously – because we can just as easily imagine that we're immensely talented when we've done no work to develop ourselves as it is to believe our ideas really are worth putting out in the world. And if you come to believe there's a personal God (what Napoleon calls 'Infinite Intelligence') watching over you, then you can all too easily slip into megalomania. Overall, Napoleon's advice is like taking cocaine. He wants to blast you into emotional ecstasies of self-belief, but we think there's a healthier way to take his advice than snorting line after line of autosuggestion. But what are we really growing rich for? If economists 100 years ago were happily looking forward to massive rises in the standard of living, can we honestly look at our lives today and say that we're appreciatingit, rather than always wanting more? Do our modern societies even value leisure and social time, rather than working harder and harder? Jon's moving to Thailand, partly to exit this kind of cultural mentality.  But this raises some questions about how we make and understand big decisions in life. Is this a conscious choice to improve his life and wellbeing? If so, how does that gel with current scientific theories which tell us that our conscious 'decision-making' minds are basically just the press secretary for our deeper, reptile brains? If we really take action based on underlying, unconscious instincts that the conscious mind only 'explains' afterwards, what does it really mean to make a premeditated choice? At the end of the episode, we think we crack open the reality of what Think and Grow Rich is really all about. It's not a manual for wealth-creation, it's a handbook about creating charisma. Do you agree? Let us know!  Including: Fetishising vibrations The dangers of 'sciencology' The imaginative power of Arnold's biceps Taking action without needing to believe in the magic of belief Hard work: ultimately pointless? Is Apple evil? Get In Touch! We'll be chatting about the episode on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world   Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

This week we tackle two chapters from Napoleon Hill's perennial bestseller, Think and Grow Rich, which focus on the importance of (you guessed it) auto-suggestion, but also on the importance of the right kind of knowledge. We need knowledge to achieve anything, but Napoleon insists that we don't waste time on any knowledge which can't be directly put to use for some greater purpose. As he puts it: Knowledge is not power. Knowledge is only potential power. – Napoleon Hill So what's it to be – become a jack of all trades, or specialise in some particular field? Napoleon thinks we can outsource the issue – create a MasterMind group of specialists whom you can rely on to fill the gaps in your own knowledge, and he cites Henry Ford as a prime example. Because, for Napoleon, being 'educated' doesn't mean knowing a lot of things – it means knowing what you needin order to put your plans into action. But we're not so sure. Napoleon Hill not only contradicts himself repeatedly in this chapter, but he's writing for a world very different from ours. Today, specialisation is the norm; to stand out, you've got to bring more to the table. The model of the Renaissance Man is much more convincing: creating something new requires the ability to cross-pollinate ideas from different fields, mixing together different kinds of specialist knowledge. Napoleon wouldn't approve, but we're not convinced he'd be successful in 2018. And what about MasterMind groups, which are ubiquitous these days? Today, the challenge is finding one which isn't filled with people who're in exactly the same situation as you: if you want to grow, you can't be the smartest person in the room. So we've got some practical suggestions for how to upgrade your knowledge and social circle in ways which are much less slimey than heading to yet another networking seminar or simply using other people for their knowledge. Join a cigar club. You heard. We explain why in the episode, but trust us on this. We also break down Napoleon's inaccurate ideas about brain science and self-programming; the dangers of motivating yourself through emotional trickery; and we start to wonder whether growing rich should really be the focus for any of us at all. If the 'happy ending' stories of Think and Grow Richare that you become a local accountant or a door-to-door salesperson, we're not ready to get on board...   Including: Don't be Steven Seagal Leap before you look? Why you should never make assumptions Is specialised knowledge still cheap in 2018? The modern serfdom: the Protestant work ethic Links: Jon's appearance on The Road to Now podcast Robert Greene's book, Mastery Get In Touch! We'll be chatting about the episode on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world   Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Napoleon Hill, author of the mega-seller Think and Grow Rich, believes that the single biggest thing holding you back in life is a lack of self-confidence. Thankfully, he's provided us with the tools to overcome the problem... Or has he? In this episode, we try to understand what Hill means by having 'faith' – is this an irrational belief in your own abilities, or is it more of a willingness to change the negative stories we tell ourselves? Jon wonders if he personally has 'Negative Faith' – a destructive inner dialogue which constantly undermines his self-confidence. If Napoleon Hill is trying to boost our confidence levels to +10, is that really possible without finding a way to get to an even-keeled zero first? Auto-suggestion is a powerful tool, but it can also seriously backfire. Belief, like power, is neutral – which makes using it unconsciously potentially very dangerous. It's just as easy to programme yourself into negative thought-patterns, but – even worse – at the neurological level, our brains continue to hold emotional connections that it's hard to shake. So, even if you discovered your spiritual side to help deal with depression (as Jon did), it can still be deeply associated with a fearof depression, giving all that feel-good namaste action a brittle, rather desperate edge. So could we reprogramme ourselves to reinterpret our emotional lurches differently? What if, for example, we could respond to the butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling not as fear, but as a signal that something exciting and significant is about to happen? That might be a tall order, given that Napoleon Hill seems to advocate a philosophy that's the polar opposite of Buddhism: he wants us to attach positive meaning to everything so that everything will therefore be amazing. But, as the Buddhists teach us, attachment is the root of all suffering – and they seem an awful lot more chilled that Napoleon! On the other hand, can life really have meaning if we don't feel a driving emotion behind what we do? If we become too 'enlightened', is there any drive left inside us to want to get up and play the game of life each day? We think there's a balance to be struck here – to flow between ambition while still being open enough to take things as they come and ride the wave of spontaneity. At the heart of Think and Grow Richis a confusion which has muddled the thinking of many a self-help aficionado. Cultivating a positive mindset is definitely a good thing, but the biggest trap of this book (and others like it) is to think that success will be automatically generated as a result. Having faith in yourself is powerful fuel, but drinking dozens of protein shakes a day but never working out simply won't produce results. You still have to put in the hard work (and you can still get injured in the process). This is a packed episode in which we also get into the dangers of becoming too attached to your personal philosophy, whether you can literally think yourself to death, and why Gandhi and Mother Theresa are never going to be on our Christmas card list! 'Your mind is a tool. You can use it in different ways in different situations, or not... So are you going to choose to consistently make it a stick you shove through the spokes of the bicycle of life, or are you also going to use it in other ways?' – Andrea Including: What the hell is faith? How to be present, but gently Vampire Morality Placebo and Nocebo Are there limitations to the mind, really? 'Mental Suicide'! Questions: What sort of self-talk do you have which isn't helping you? How could you start to change it? What conversation have you had recently which could've gone better if you hadn't used absolutelanguage? Get In Touch! We'll be chatting about the episode on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world   Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

To keep the podcast going, we need your support! Please consider making a pledge on Patreon to help us meet our target to ensure we can continue delivering high quality conversations about Learning How To Human – thank you!   Napoleon Hill, legendary author of Think and Grow Rich, thinks that all thought has a tendency to manifest itself in reality. In his view, if you come to believe something strongly enough, you're going to see results in the real world. If that's true, then you can achieve anything you want to through sheer willpower and self-programming. This is auto-suggestion – telling yourself that something is true (about yourself or the world) until you've internalised it and made it the unconscious launching pad from which you then act. But is it true? Andrea agrees that the human brain is incredibly powerful, but more because it can simulatepractically any reality. And that doesn't mean we should buy into our self-made reality so deeply that we mistake it for being objectively true. You can believe as strongly as you want that you can fly, but just try jumping off a building and see how that works out for you. Which brings us to the central tension at the heart of this episode: does it benefit us to use auto-suggestion to get ourselves to believe certain realities? Is there a healthy way to do this which can genuinely benefit us, or are we simply courting megalomania and delusion? Napoleon thinks it's all about vibrations. 'Vibration' is a heavily overused word these days, which can become as meaningful as saying 'everything's energy, maaaan'. We dismantle the pseudo-scientific, spiritual language and try to uncover if there's a genuinely useful tool lurking in its shadows. Rather than getting too caught up in the mumbo-jumbo, we try to make Think and Grow Richmore concrete and practical. Programming yourself to feel a certain way can certainly have its benefits. Entering situations with confidence rather than fear doesinfluence what happens. Or, if we find ourselves in negotiations for money or services, believing that we're worth more than someone wants to pay can be a powerful boost, financially and psychologically. Jon shares stories of pushing beyond his comfort zone to craft an external persona to get better results in the world, but this still brings us back to the question: how much is delusion, and how can we use this tool of self-programming safely and healthily? After all, Bill Cosby managed to convince himself that drugging and abusing women was totally fine: auto-suggestion can have incredibly disturbing consequences when used unethically. We've got a better idea than thinking that the power of your mind is genuinely crafting reality. Instead, realise that you're primingyourself to see more positive things. Reap the benefits, but don't delude yourself into thinking that there is a causal connection between your belief system and the objective nature of the world around you. You can change the filter through which you see reality, but it's vital to remember that that's what you're doing. Napoleon also insists that we need to have faith to succeed. But what is faith? A blind belief in spite of all evidence? Or is there a more subtle, more useful and much healthier way we can think about the concept? What if this is more about nurturing trust in yourself? Ultimately, you're neither doomed nor destined. But how you feel about it is up to you. Including: Reprogramming your negative reactions Bartering to get what you feel you deserve The risks and benefits of confirmation bias Is failure always of your own making? Developing 50 Cent-itis What does plastic surgery tell us about psychology? Questions: Would you avoid getting plastic surgery after an injury? How attached are you to your external appearance? Have you ever convinced yourself of something successfully (self-programming) and was that a good thing? Get In Touch! We'll be chatting about the episode on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world   Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

In Part 2 of Think and Grow Rich, we find Napoleon Hill riding the knife-edge between profound insight and total lunacy. He tells us that, in order to achieve anything, we need a burning Desire, clearly worked out, and then repeated to ourselves every morning when we get up, and every evening before we go to bed. Now, while it's certainly important to get clear in your mind what you want to achieve, we're not so sure about Napoleon's reasoning. Like so many self-help books, this one relies heavily on stories riven with confirmation bias, unfalsifiable claims, and a serious confusion between correlation and causation. We set out to find the grains of truth and inspiration – the things which can really help you – without getting too caught up in fanciful and downright misleading examples. A central idea in this episode is the importance of 'burning the boats' – of leaving yourself no option of retreat, and thereby (apparently) guaranteeing you will succeed. But what kind of person needsto be motivated by the idea of total personal annihilation in order to tryto succeed? Does going All In really require having no possibility of mitigating potential defeat and disaster? Some of the most successful businesspeople in the world, like Sir Richard Branson, are actually immensely risk-averse. We deconstruct the dangers of survivor bias when we look at success stories. It's not the scars that successful people got that made them successful, it's the scars they didn't get, the things that didn'tprove fatal, which were the key to success. All the same, Napoleon points out a vital difference between wishingfor a thing and being ready to receive it. If you don't feel you deserve or can achieve anything, you're never going to be able to. Instead, you need to create a new voice in your head which can overcome all the negative self-talk and give you the faith to pursue your goals. So, does that mean affirmations work, after all? Maybe. But not the way that most self-help books claim they do. Including: The difference between DESIRE and an idle wish Do Affirmations really work, or are they cultivating delusion? What is kindness, and should you apply it indiscriminately? Becoming a Practical Dreamer Overcoming disability by force of belief Mentioned: Choose Yourselfby James Altucher The beautiful movie Youth Get In Touch! We'll be chatting about the episode on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Time for something new here at Voices in the Dark. By popular demand, we're going to dissect the original self-help classic, Think and Grow Richby Napoleon Hill. This baby has sold over 100 million copies and shows no sign of slowing down. More importantly, it's the backbone of allself-help and personal development books. Scratch the surface of that latest bestseller, and you'll find it's just another remix of the original. All the same, does this 1930s text really hold up today? Is this a bandwagon that just keeps on going, or can it still teach us vital lessons for the modern world? First impressions leave us conflicted. There's a surprisingly strong smell of the bestselling bullshit title The Secretwafting from Think and Grow Rich. And later on there's a chapter about sexual energy transmutation... so this ain't gonna be some dull ride through a series of business strategies, believe me! In this episode we cover the Introduction and Chapter 1, exploring tales of striking gold, working with Thomas Edison, and how you can (but maybe shouldn't) demand the impossible. How much of success comes from self-delusion? Can we be healthily self-deluded, and is that what 'adopting a positive mindset' really means? Or is failurewhat we really need in order to grow? Maybe. But there's different kinds of failure, as we explain, and sometimes having a wildly positive mental attitude can take you way over the edge and into brazen egotism. Jon and Andrea compare notes over where they sit on the spectrum... and neither is sure they're doing it right. Including: What 99% of people get wrong when using self-help books Do you need a toolbox or a plan? Self-help as a performance-enhancing drug Does wanting better for yourself mean you're not good enough now? Demanding the impossible Get In Touch! We'll be chatting about the episode on our Facebook Discussion Group And you can find us on Instagramand Twitter Or email us: hello@voicesinthedark.world   Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

This is a special episode of the podcast where we take stock, see where we're at, and think about where we're going to take the show next. We've both been hitting some hard times, personally and professionally, so making the show has been a challenge. In this episode, we open up about some of the shit we've been dealing with, and reflect on what the podcast means to us. We question what it means to be offering life advice if you can't always live it yourself; what we'd like to talk about on the show going forward (if we continue); and, most importantly of all, we want to hear from YOU, our dear listeners, about where you think we should go next. Thanks for listening, and please hit us up with your thoughts: Email hello@voicesinthedark.world Instagram Facebook Discussion Group Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

As psychedelics increasingly hit the mainstream, we need to educate ourselves about their risks as well as their incredible potential for healing and growth. While the headlines keep on coming about psychedelics boosting creativity and 'curing' depression, there's far less accessible information available about the care and precautions involved in the research behind the news stories. That's where Psychedelics Today comes in, with a brilliantly-designed course on 'Navigating Psychedelics' (see below for our exclusive discount code!), dedicated to helping us approach, use and integrate psychedelics safely and to maximum effect. Kyle Buller, one half of the Psychedelics Today team, joins us this week to talk about the course, and why we need it. Kyle suffered a near-fatal snowboarding accident as a teenager. As he lay in the hospital, his life hanging in the balance, he had an unusual meeting with death. Instead of a confrontation or a desperate clawing for life, he found himself absolutely at peace... which made coming back to life a lot more complicated. He fell into depression, which would ultimately lead him to experiment with psychedelics in the effort to understand himself, life, and how to make sense of our fleeting existence on this planet. Since then, Kyle's gone on to train in Transpersonal Psychology and has taught a History of Psychedelics course at university level.  We dig into the history of psychedelic therapy, from the times when LSD was shipped out to psychotherapists around the world with the request that they find some kind of use for it, to the prohibition years and the Third Wave of Psychedelics which we're in today.  But this isn't just about mushrooms and LSD. This is about healing and personal growth. The Navigating Psychedelics course incorporates a wealth of knowledge from the explorations of Stanislav Grof into the body's ability to heal itself through breath- and bodywork. How much trauma do we hold onto in the cells of our body? And can meditative, trance-like states release repressed memories? All of this is hard work, not to be taken lightly. We have to confront our shadows if we're ever to integrate them. As Grof put it himself: 'The full experience of a negative emotion is the funeral pyre of that emotion' – Stanislav Grof Including: Setting and mindset for a psychedelic trip Finding and vetting your shaman A road-map for navigating psychedelic experience Understanding the risks and knowing what substance you've actually got Find Out More: Download a free psychedelics checklistfrom Psychedelics Today The Navigating Psychedelics Course– use discount code VOICESINTHEDARK on checkout! Psychedelics Todaywebsite The work of Stanislav Grof   Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

These days, everyone's claiming to be 'a little bit OCD', but the popularisation of the term has been at the cost of understanding the condition. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a spectrum which isn't simply about having fanatical cleaning habits and lining up your bathroom paraphernalia in height-order. OCD can be immensely challenging and outright destructive to those with the condition. You can end up trapped in your own mind, unable to work, unable to maintain relationships with friends and loved ones... and stillnot even have a tidy bedroom to show for it! So what is OCD? How does it work? Why are there so many misconceptions about it? And how can we help ourselves or others with the condition? At this year's Edinburgh Festival, I saw an incredible, heartfelt exploration of OCD's impact on a person's life – Lost in Thought, by Lucy Danser. So, I got in touch with Lucy and invited her on the show to talk about these questions and many more besides. We sat down in a park in central Edinburgh and moved beyond the bizarre media portrayals to the human realities of what it means to live with OCD. Lucy's experience of OCD involves intrusive, unwanted and disturbing thoughts which threaten to come true unless she takes specific actions. The pressing need to docertain things to try to release the intensity of those thoughts can be all-consuming: we might all 'touch wood' for luck, but what if you felt you hadto do it or your entire family would die? But OCD can't be understood as straightforwardly 'irrational'. Within its own logic, you're actually being extremelyresponsible and conscientious. Ask yourself, if you truly thought that touching wood, repeating a mantra, or performing some other ritual mightstop something terrible happening to a loved one, wouldn't you do it just in case? Would you risk notdoing it? We also explore how far kindness and understanding of OCD behaviours can ultimately be enabling; how other people around those with OCD can become ill; and whether there might be some upsides to having OCD. Huge thanks to Lucy for coming on the show to share her personal experience, as well as creating such a moving piece of drama for the stage. This episode was revelatory for me at times and shattered a lot of lazy misconceptions I'd been holding on to. Let us know what you think and about your own experiences of OCD over on our Facebook Discussion Group! Find Lucy: The Chatback Theatre & Comedywebsite Lost in Thought's Twitter Find Out More: David Adam, The Man Who Couldn't Stop Joshua Foer, Moonwalking with Einstein John Green, Turtles All the Way Down Fletcher Wortmann, Triggered: A Memoir of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

After ten years of blood, sweat and tears, Jon's book has finally emerged into the world! It hit the Amazon Bestseller lists on launch day and has been receiving excellent reviews. This week, we put Jon in the hot seat to talk about it. In the shadow of the Gulag, Soviet citizens were still cracking jokes. They had to. Drawing on diaries, interviews, memoirs and hundreds of previously secret documents, the book, It’s Only a Joke, Comrade!, uncovers how they joked, coped, and struggled to adapt in Stalin’s brave new world. It asks what it really means to live under a dictatorship: How do people make sense of their lives? How do they talk about it? And whom can they trust to do so? Humour is a universal part of the human condition. It helps us define who we are, who theyare, what's important to us, and what we won't stand for. We use it to mock a rival, charm a stranger and to solidify friendships... but we also use it to deal with the things which oppress and frighten us. It's easy to forget, but 'funny' and 'serious' are not opposites. People were still cracking jokes in Auschwitz because, even in the darkest times, humour comes to our aid. But how does that work psychologically? Is it some kind of resistance to external power, or is it more like Stoicism – changing how we feel without truly changing objective circumstances? So does the Soviet story have lessons to teach us about political humour today? Does it have any power to hurt the likes of Trump and Putin, or are we just making ourselves feel better about doing nothing to effect real change? Plus there's a chance to win yourself a copy of the book! Find Out More: The book's website Buy the book: USand UK Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.  

For all the tales coursing through the veins of the internet about life-changing experiences brought on by a cup of Ayahuasca or a drop of LSD, something absolutely crucial is getting lost. The hardest part, in fact: Integration. Coming back from the jungle or back from some astral realm doesn't add up to much if you have to turn over everything you learnt at the border of everyday reality. The real challenge is integrating those deep insights into ourselves and into our daily lives afterthe trip. Suddenly rediscovering the things which hurt us or shaped the way we think and act is one thing – understanding what to do about them in a healthy, productive way, is something else entirely. Realising that your problems stem from some childhood trauma is only the first step of a much longer, harder journey, as Jon's found out first hand. What do you (and can you) dowith that knowledge once you have it? Our special guest this week is Matthew Pallamary, an author and shamanic explorer who's been journeying into the Amazon for almost 20 years. He's worked in multiple shamanic traditions and written in depth about the psychology of healing and integration. Matt grew up in a rough neighbourhood in Boston where he felt compelled to be a tough guy, repressing and disowning many parts of himself in the process. Ayahuasca helped him rediscover those parts of himself, but that was far from the end of the story. In many ways, the integration is actually more important than the experience itself. – Matthew Pallamary In this episode, we go beyond trip reports and psychedelic revelations and into the deeper psychology of personal growth. Psychedelics allow the contents of our subconscious to emerge, confronting us with our shadow selves. Our first instinct is to fight back, to push the shadow away and deny it even exists. Next, we start beating ourselves up for having that shadow, for doing or thinking shitty things. Neither of which solves anything. But we can't disown parts of ourselves and leave them out in the cold, because they just start breaking down the doors. We also need to change in order to grow – so how do we set about welcoming those disowned parts of ourselves back into the warm without them immediately trashing the joint? We explore the idea that all these 'negative' traits and habits were ultimately self-defence mechanisms which emerged to helpus.The trouble is, they keep on churning away like independent little modules in our minds that we don't even realise are there. The challenge is to gently and compassionately disarm them – to thank them for what they've done, but let them know that the war is over and now they can come home. This is about taking responsibility for yourself and your life, which is not the same as needing to blameyourself for what you've done and been in the past. You are not your ego. You are not your thoughts. We are all made up of different elements, impulses, and personalities – to take responsibility means to become the conductor of your mind's orchestra, to become the curator of your expression into the world. In the end, we're all a cast of thousands. – Matthew Pallamary Ultimately, we're all carrying some kind of trauma (maybe even from childbirth itself), but Andrea strikes a note of caution that we shouldn't fetishise and inadvertently inflate it. Trauma is part of life, not an aberration. It can be the ground beneath our feet which we need if we're ever to push upwards to something higher. As Matt puts it, One of the things about this path if you continue on it, is that you have to take responsibility for who you are and what your actions are... Trauma is actually there to help you grow. – Matthew Pallamary This one gets very personal.Jon talks about his continuing battles with depression, and wonders whether the key is not to see them as battles at all. In a sense, depression is also trying to 'help' him – to assuage a sense of total powerlessness in the world by bringing him the final power of being able to say 'no' to everything. That's a power of sorts, but it's anathema to life. In the end, the core lesson of integration is that it's never over. Because, in essence, it's the work of being alive.   Find Matt: Matt's website Matt's latest book Learn More: Esther Perel's podcast series, 'Where Should We Begin?' Jon's experiences with Ayahuasca and Huachuma   Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Open relationships. We've all heard about them. But how do they work? Would one be right for you? And how can you even broach the subject with your partner? And then, if you get into one, do you need to set rules? Can they change? Do you need to ask for permission beforehand, or take video footage to share with your partner afterwards? It gets very complicated very quickly, and in this special episode, we set out to answer all these questions and more. The goal isn't to unconditionally praise open relationships, but to explore what they are, how they work, and what the many benefits and pitfalls can be. First off, we dig into the biological and anthropological history of monogamy. Andrea breaks down some of the dodgy science being cited by open relationship evangelists, while Jon takes the side of Chris Ryan (author of Sex atDawn) and his argument against the idea that monogamy is simply 'natural'. Why is this all so emotionally charged for us in the first place, though? In large part, it's because we've been fed a gluttonous diet of unrealistic and idealised versions of what 'true love' is and should be through TV, movies, books, and magazines. But real life and real people aren't so simple (or so boring). Few people are sexually monogamous with one person for their whole lives, so it raises the question of why being serially monogamous is somehow 'better' than getting jiggy with multiple people at the same time. Jealousy is the obvious issue here, and it's one of the biggest fears about open relationships: How will I be able to deal with my partner being intimate with someone else? But jealousy doesn't have to be a bad thing. Relationship counsellor Esther Perel argues that jealousy is 'an erotic rage', which can be channelled in positive directions – to inspire you to bring your best self to your relationship, to recharge your energy and really take your investment in your partner to the next level. And that shouldn't be confused with possessiveness. Possessiveness is when we try to keep our partners on a short leash because we're afraid and insecure that surely they'll leave us if we even give them a sniff of other possibilities. If the fear of being open is that your partner might fall for someone else and run away with them, it's worth pausing to reflect that they can always do that anyway, unless you physically lock them in the house. In any case, exploring an open relationship is neither a recipe for an immediate jealousy implosion nor abundant wall-to-wall orgies. As Jon explains from personal experience, it's more of a crash course in confronting your deepest insecurities. To work well, open relationships require morecommunication, morewillingness to be vulnerable, moretrust, and so on. This isn't the absence of commitment, but a much more active and conscious approach to that commitment. It's a process – often an immensely challenging one – which can be incredibly rewarding for your personal development, self-understanding, and your ability to remove the masks of fear and truly connect with another person. Jon shares plenty of stories from his own experiences of open relationships – including his many fuck-ups – and why, despite all the challenges, he wouldn't want to go back to monogamy. Andrea is, if not on the other side of the debate, at least standing on the fence, so this is a juicy discussion rather than a manifesto. But being a discussion – and on such a hot topic – we want your questions! Get in touch via our Facebook Groupor through hello@voicesinthedark.world. We'll be recording a follow-up episode where we dig into the digital mailbag to continue the conversation.   Also Including: Why being teammates is the most romantic kind of relationship How to deal with strong emotional reactions Are threesomes the gateway drug to open relationships? Erotic rage! 'You're mine' vs. 'I'm yours' Using the right language to discuss emotional issues Find Out More: Chris Ryan and Cacilda Jethá's landmark book, Sex at Dawn Esther Perel Aubrey Marcus's Open Relationship Field Guide and other resources – highly recommended Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

Why do flame wars happen? Why are so many people on the Left shutting down free speech through no-platforming? Do Social Justice Warriors even know what they're trying to do? How can we have conversations with people we don't like without it degenerating into an emotional bloodbath? This week, we try to answer all these questions and more as we dig into Letter 48 from Seneca (unexcitingly titled 'On Quibbling as Unworthy of a Philosopher'). Seneca's words eerily predict our own times, walking on eggshells for fear of offending someone. Sometimes it can feel like the only thing that can be said with impunity is 'you can't speak because of who you are'. But that's no way to live, and certainly no way to improve mutual understanding. If we can't talk about extreme or inflammatory issues, we shrink the spectrum of our experience and become offended by even the most minor issues. If we don't expose ourselves to bacteria, we never build a strong immune system. In the same way, we growthrough offence – we grow by exposing ourselves to challenging people and situations. What does it really mean to have a knee-jerk reaction to other people? Most of the time, the answers lie within us: we project onto others the things we're most worried about in our own lives, from our weight to personality traits that we don't like or have been conditioned to think are 'bad'. It's easy to dismiss people with different views as stupid. But what does stupidity mean? People aren't stupid because they haven't read tons of books or collected stacks of degrees. It's a lack of curiosity, often combined with a deep sense of certainty that they knowwhat's right. Stupidity isn't lack of knowledge, it's a refusal to recognise the limits of what we know and to be curious enough to challenge those limits. But book-style intelligence can go horribly wrong, too. This is what Seneca calls 'quibbling' – getting caught up on specific words and definitions which hamstring our ability to ever actually say anything. Jon challenges Andrea on his tendency to do just this, and in the process we learn how to have better conversations. Part of the problem is that words mean different things to different people; a huge number of arguments and enmities stem from simple miscommunication and misunderstanding. So we've got a few actionable tips on how to side-step these dramas and manage to open up channels to real communication and understanding. But before the quibbling begins, we need to know the purposeof it. Is the aim of it to improve mutual understanding or get to some kind of positive outcome, or do you just want give yourself social brownie points? Are you trying to have a conversation, or just to virtue signal and hashtag your way into more Facebook likes? We also delve into some broader psychological mechanisms that can seriously screw us over in social situations. Jon opens up about his tendency to push people away when he's struggling to feel good in himself: it can feel easier to deal with negative thoughts and feelings without drawing anyone else into the picture and worrying about how you're affecting them too. But in the process, we end up isolating ourselves even further and rejecting love because we're (currently) feeling unworthy of it. But it's not all darkness and despair by any means. We also have time to talk about breathing in Julius Caesar's farts, Jon's poor wardrobe choices, and our ambitions to destroy the TV evening news.   Also Including: Suicide as an expression of free will A powerful antidote to envy Why people on TV are animated corpses How to notmake yourself a victim When did 'normal' become a dirty word? Find Out More: Jon's finally released his book! Check it out on Amazon USor UK! Come discuss the show in our Facebook Group Hit us up on Instagram! The full text for freeon WikiSource Our new Sex & Relationshipsepisodes! Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.