Comic actor James Whittingham serves up his unusual stream-of-consciousness improv style in this new podcast. A wheel of chance decides what direction the show will go. Kooky and irreverent, this Canadian funnyman will make you laugh out loud.
The dynamic between the speaker and Georgia James is hostile and antagonistic, with the speaker accusing Georgia James of being an imposter who is trying to steal their identity and ruin their life. The speaker repeatedly uses derogatory terms to refer to Georgia James, such as "sucker", "punk ass kid", "imposter", and "baby". The speaker claims that Georgia James is "playing games" and trying to "screw" and "ruin" them. The speaker asserts their own authenticity, repeatedly stating "I'm the real James Whittingham". They also threaten Georgia James, telling them to "get out", "stay away", "disappear", and "suck my ass". The speaker's tone is angry and aggressive, suggesting they feel deeply threatened and betrayed by Georgia James's actions. The lyrics imply a competitive relationship, potentially over social media presence or public image. The speaker sees Georgia James as a "fast runner" who is "coming for me", indicating a struggle for dominance or recognition. Written and performed by James Whittingham and Google Notebook. Song lyrics by James Whittingham, music and vocals by Suno. Help me pay podcast expenses by donating via PayPal or E-Transfer:https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=VMDCRPHLNR8YE E-transfer whittingham.james@gmail.com Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact James sneezeshow@gmail.com Theme Music: by Shane Ivers – https://silvermansound.com
James shares an unexpected discovery—there's another James Whittingham out there, and this one's a high school baseball player from Georgia! Join James and Pepe as they dive into a comedic exploration of identity confusion, rivalry with a teenage third baseman, and how to reclaim the spotlight. They chat about everything from online algorithms to the Civil War history of Marietta, Georgia, while plotting a campaign to boost James' rightful place as the internet's top Whittingham. Tune in for laughs, rants, and a plan to outshine a speedy kid from the South! Don't miss out—subscribe now on your favorite podcast app! Written and performed by James Whittingham. Song lyrics by James Whittingham, music and vocals by Suno. Help me pay podcast expenses by donating via PayPal or E-Transfer:https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=VMDCRPHLNR8YE E-transfer whittingham.james@gmail.com Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact James sneezeshow@gmail.com Theme Music: by Shane Ivers – https://silvermansound.com
Join us for a wild and hilarious ride with James Whittingham and his sidekick Pepe in this episode of Sneeze! Dive into absurd scenarios like James' transformation into a superhero with the less-than-glamorous name "Pink Eye," and how he saves not one but three lives over the course of two chaotic days. Episode Highlights: Dream Analysis Gone Wrong: Pepe kicks off with bizarre dream discussions, only for James to hilariously spiral into metaphors that hit a little too close to home. Pink Eye Heroics: James recounts his real-life adventures saving teenagers in the nick of time, all while battling an unfortunate case of pink eye. Becoming Pink Eye: A deep dive into James' hypothetical superhero persona, Pink Eye, and his sidekick "Crustacean," who fight crime in the laziest, darkest way possible. Superpowers of Observation: James explores the perks of mind-reading and torturing villains with creative, borderline cruel methods (including a stint in the fast food ball pit). Hilarious Life Insights: Whether it's superhero daydreaming, bizarre fast food punishment, or existential musings about being a chair or a balloon, this episode packs in some laugh-out-loud moments and deep truths. Tune in for a rollercoaster of jokes, oddball crime-fighting scenarios, and all the quirky humor James and Pepe bring to the table! Listen now for comedy, chaos, and superheroes with a side of pink eye! Written and performed by James Whittingham. Song lyrics by James Whittingham, music and vocals by Suno. Pleese help James and Pepe out by donating via PayPal or E-Transfer:https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=VMDCRPHLNR8YE E-transfer whittingham.james@gmail.com Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact James sneezeshow@gmail.com Theme Music: by Shane Ivers – https://silvermansound.com
In this wildly unpredictable episode, James and Pepe tackle everything from creative roadblocks to the bizarre world of cube-shaped poop. James reflects on the emotional walls he's built up over time, and Pepe—armed with his quirky wisdom—offers up unconventional solutions. From ice-pick metaphors to wombat-inspired architecture, the conversation takes a delightfully strange turn. Listen as they explore how wombats stack cubes of poop to mark their territory, sparking a tangent on using cubic poop as eco-friendly building materials. What if people pooped cubes too? Could it solve the world's ecological crisis? And could we breed dogs to do the same? Yes, it's just that kind of episode. The randomness continues with discussions about the world's largest penis, a woman freezing her eggs due to lack of good men, and a man mauled by a gang of otters. Plus, Pepe throws in weird facts about immortal jellyfish and eerie singing glaciers, giving James some serious food for thought... and possible existential dread. Highlights: Cube-shaped Poop Cities: Could wombat poop revolutionize architecture? The Wall Around Creativity: Is James too intense for his audience, or just keeping his wild side in check? Invisible Turtles and Word Salad: What happens when random absurdity is introduced into the podcast? Immortal Jellyfish: Could humanity benefit from a jellyfish-style reset button? Otter Attacks: What happens when the cutest creatures on Earth turn into bloodthirsty gangs? Random Facts from Pepe: Wombats poop in cubes! There's a jellyfish that's basically immortal! Otters may seem cute, but they can gang up like a bunch of thugs! Listener's Challenge: Would you prefer to poop in cubes or have the ability to reset your body like a jellyfish? Let us know in the comments or drop us a message on social! Call to Action: If you liked this episode (and let's be honest, you're still here, so you probably did), subscribe on your favorite podcast platform and leave us a review. Oh, and don't forget to smash that like button or the otters might come for you! Written and performed by James Whittingham. Song lyrics by James Whittingham, music and vocals by Suno. Help me pay podcast expenses by donating today by PayPal or E-Transfer:https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=VMDCRPHLNR8YE E-transfer whittingham.james@gmail.com Montly donations appreciated! Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send James and Pepe an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact James sneezeshow@gmail.com Theme Music: by Shane Ivers – https://silvermansound.com
James shares his chaotic Alberta wedding experience, where the power outage turned a perfectly planned event into a spontaneous night of stargazing. He delves into Alberta's weirdness, from bizarre cars with towering tailpipes to highways filled with cowboys and cowgirls herding cows. But it doesn't stop there — James and Pepe take a dive into some unusual testicle-related news, including a scorpion sting in Las Vegas and Nick Cannon insuring his testicles for $10 million. Key Topics Covered: The Alberta Wedding Power Outage: James recounts how a power outage during his niece's wedding made things more fun (at least for him). Weird Cars in Alberta: From giant tailpipes to roadside cowboys, James paints a picture of the strange sights in Alberta. Testicle Scorpion Stings: Pepe shares the story of a man who was stung by a scorpion in a Las Vegas hotel... in the worst place imaginable. Nick Cannon's $10 Million Testicles: A discussion about why Nick Cannon's assets are insured for so much. Lab-Grown Organs: James and Pepe dive into the weird science of lab-grown testicles and other organs, imagining a future where people can have extra brains, arms, or even genitals. Fun Fact – Taste Buds in Testicles: A weird fact surfaces about taste buds existing in testicles, sparking a hilarious discussion on what that could mean for eating ice cream... or other things. Memorable Quotes: “If you're gonna get stung in the testicles, I think you should bear children and see if they have superpowers.” "I've got three testicles. You wanna see them? That's quite the introduction." "What could I do with a third arm? Think about how many push-ups I could do." Random Tangents: The practicality of having extra organs like brains or hearts. Why male nipples exist (spoiler: nobody knows). Testicle-related superpowers and whether steel underwear is the future. Fan Interaction: James asks listeners to rate and review the podcast on their favorite platform, and reminds them to send any weird or mean comments to sneezeshow@gmail.com. Closing Notes: James ends with his usual bizarre sign-off and a mention of Sparky the Cow Dog — a mysterious character who may or may not exist.
After hearing his cloned voice, he noticed that all the pain and trama was stripped away. This made James wonder what life would have been like without the baggage of every bad thing that has ever happened to him. Co-hosted by Pepe. And exploration of genertative A.I. in creativity. Written and performed by James Whittingham. Song lyrics by James Whittingham, music and vocals by Suno. Help me pay podcast expenses by donating today by PayPal or E-Transfer:https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=VMDCRPHLNR8YE E-transfer whittingham.james@gmail.com Montly donations appreciated! Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact James sneezeshow@gmail.com Theme Music: by Shane Ivers – https://silvermansound.com
In this hilariously offbeat episode of *Sneeze with James Whittingham*, James and his trusty sidekick Pepe dive into the bizarre and unexpected events that make life interesting. From explosive neighborhood dramas to outlandish beauty trends, this episode is packed with the kind of weird and wonderful stories that only James could find. **Episode Highlights:** 1. **Explosive Neighborhood Mystery** James shares a wild tale about a car explosion that shook his neighborhood, sparking theories of action movies, TikTok stunts, and potential future crime documentaries. 2. **Trash Talk: The Rise of Garbage Bin News** James and Pepper discuss the unexpected rise of a garbage bin company's social media feed as the top news source in Regina. They delve into the darker side of human nature and the ethical void in modern journalism. 3. **Lost and Found: The Cupcake Saga** A whimsical story of a man who gets lost on his way to buy cupcakes, only to end up living in a garden shed, befriending woodland creatures, and adapting to a new, nature-filled lifestyle. 4. **The Bizarre World of Beauty: Poop Face Masks** In the fecal-themed segment, James uncovers the shocking trend of a Brazilian model who uses her own poop as a face mask. The duo discusses the risks, the absurdity, and the lengths people go to for internet fame. 5. **Horoscopes and Other Oddities** James reads his horoscope and humorously laments its inaccuracy, sharing his "downbeat" day with listeners. The conversation takes a turn as the sneeze wheel lands on urine, leading to a discussion about scientists extracting phosphorus from human urine. **Noteworthy Quotes:** - *"I could be walking down the street dead one day. Let's hope that doesn't happen, okay?"* - *"She's literally putting poop on her face because, because views."* - *"If someone has hurt or angry, be encouraging. Well, that's good advice, but also not my vibe today."* **Tune in to Sneeze with James Whittingham for more absurdity, unexpected turns, and a whole lot of laughter.** **Subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform!** Written and performed by James Whittingham. Song lyrics by James Whittingham, music and vocals by Suno. Help me pay podcast expenses by donating today by PayPal or E-Transfer:https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=VMDCRPHLNR8YE E-transfer whittingham.james@gmail.com Montly donates appreciated. Thanks. Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact James sneezeshow@gmail.com Theme Music: by Shane Ivers – https://silvermansound.com
In this hilariously chaotic episode of Sneeze, James Whittingham tackles everything from questionable weight loss drugs to the Olympics, and the bizarre nature of human anatomy. With his signature irreverence, James dives into: Ozempic Madness: A wild discussion on Ozempic, complete with outrageous side effects like growing a second penis. This segment is not for the faint-hearted but will leave you in stitches. Olympic Observations: James shares his humorous take on the Olympics, focusing on the abundance of "gobs of ass" in beach volleyball and the peculiar nature of curling. Pizza Opinions: A quick spin on the "sneeze wheel" leads to a heated debate on pineapple and anchovies on pizza. Spoiler: James is not a fan of fish on dough! Water Skiing Woes: James and Pepe ponder the insanity of water skiing and why it's basically a high-speed way to drown. Cats vs. Humans: A segment dedicated to why cats are secretly plotting to eat you. Ever wondered if your cat sees you as a ribeye? Now you know. Real Moments in James's Life: The only time James got a speeding ticket – find out how he handled it like a champ (or not). Communism and Old Tech: A nostalgic look back at rotary phones and a brief (but funny) take on Communism. Urine Color Discovery: Scientists finally figure out why urine is yellow, and James shares his own personal pee stories. Guest: Pepe (co-host) Key Quotes: "Give me that weight, lost juice!" "Two dicks, two bananas right on the vine. They're both mine." "Cats are waiting, they're just waiting...when they look you in the eye, they see you as ribeye." Music: Outro Music: Funky instrumental beats to wind down the madness. Follow Us: Twitter: @SneezePodcast Instagram: @SneezeWithJames Website: sneezepodcast.com Subscribe: Available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and all major podcast platforms. Disclaimer: This episode contains adult humor and language. Listener discretion is advised. Be sure to tune in next week for more laughs, questionable opinions, and the unpredictable spin of the "sneeze wheel"! Written and performed by James Whittingham. Song lyrics by James Whittingham, music and vocals by Suno. Help me pay podcast expenses by donating today by PayPal or E-Transfer:https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=VMDCRPHLNR8YE E-transfer whittingham.james@gmail.com Montly donates appreciated. Thanks. Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact James sneezeshow@gmail.com Theme Music: by Shane Ivers – https://silvermansound.com
In this hilariously chaotic episode 55, join James Wittingham and his (talking) penis, Pepe, as they dive into the bizarre and side-splitting world of hidden junk food and unexpected Olympic challenges. James shares a candid and uproarious tale about his family's sneaky attempts to hide junk food from him, leading to a desperate and comical hunt for snacks in the most unlikely places. But that's not all! The duo spins the "weird news" wheel, landing on a fecal-themed story that takes them on a wild journey through the murky waters of the Seine River during a triathlon, discussing the gross yet entertaining consequences of such events. From triathletes to rugby players, they hilariously speculate on the perils of poop in sports and the unusual precautions athletes might take. As if that weren't enough, James delves into a heartwarming yet tragic "Real Moments from James's Life," recounting his first-grade crush on Jody and the bittersweet lesson he learned about trust. The episode wraps up with a quirky horoscope reading, a nostalgic snack hunt, and an earnest plea for listener support. Tune in for laughs, surprises, and a whole lot of weirdness on this week's episode of "Sneezes with James Wittingham." Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and maybe even donate to keep the comedy coming!
Get ready to laugh as we dramatize the thrilling and hilarious adventure of a 14-year-old James sneaking cookies from the kitchen in the dead of night, navigating creaky floors and the ever-watchful eye of his mom. It's a mission impossible with a twist—gas pains and all! Next, we dive into this week's news quiz where contestants hilariously stumble over who said, "Ouch, my ear." Spoiler: It wasn't Trump, but a mosquito-bothered Cornel West! James shares his grievances about the summer heat, algae battles, and his dental woes, with a surprise guest co-host: Pepe the Penis! Yes, you heard that right. Pepe helps James tackle a disturbingly bizarre story about a money ritual gone wrong involving maggots and urine—it's as gross as it sounds, and James doesn't hold back. Finally, we spin the wheel of random topics, landing on leather, which sparks a nostalgic and funny conversation about fashion, school hygienists, and James' disdain for flossing. Wrapping up with some playful banter, James and Pepe keep it light, despite the heavy topics. Tune in for a mix of comedy, absurdity, and just the right amount of cringe in this unforgettable episode of Sneeze!
James faces death in the form of the delicious, 750 calorie hot Costco cookie. In this hilariously absurd episode of SNEEZE, James recounts his miraculous escape from Covid and his newfound obsession with bat cuisine. The culinary adventure takes a wild turn as James experiments with BAT in every dish imaginable, from bat lasagna to bat ice cream. Dive deep into James' anatomy with a quirky interview inside his testicles, revealing the daily grind of sperm production and the humorous side of his hormonal escapades. Listen to the outrageous tale of James's unfortunate encounter with a staple gun when he was 13, a prank that turned into a painful lesson and an unforgettable moment in his life. Explore the whimsical side of relationships with a comical take on Vladimir Putin's bizarre habits and an eccentric pigeon love story. Laugh out loud at the misadventures of a Lyft driver with a permanent erection and the unusual challenges he faces. Plus, enjoy the poetic musings of a cannibal poet and a nostalgic rant about cookie jars. This episode is packed with unexpected twists, laugh-out-loud moments, and a whole lot of bizarre humor. Tune in for a rollercoaster of absurdity and entertainment. Written and performed by James Whittingham. Song lyrics by James Whittingham, music and vocals by Suno. Help me pay podcast expenses by donating today via PayPal or E-Transfer:https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=VMDCRPHLNR8YE E-transfer whittingham.james@gmail.com Montly donations appreciated. Thanks. Every dollar helps! Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact James sneezeshow@gmail.com Theme Music: by Shane Ivers – https://silvermansound.com
Welcome back to another episode of the Sneeze Podcast, where nothing is off-limits and everything is up for a laugh! In this episode, we dive into the bizarre and comical world of Steve the Robot, explore some of James's wild teenage escapades, and much more. Episode Highlights: Steve the Robot's Plight: Listeners, please stop writing us letters about robot abuse—Steve is just fine! Join us as we discuss Steve's rebellious phase, his new life choices, and the devil's peculiar requests. Introducing 'My Name is Unpronounceable': A mysterious and menacing figure declares his intentions to terminate Steve the Robot and threatens the hosts with some creatively horrifying consequences. James' Teenage Antics: From stealing a bathtub to dealing with a dozen cop cars, we reminisce about James' adventurous youth and the hilarious aftermath of his crimes. The Headboard Saga: Follow the uproarious tale of James' attempt to sell a headboard on Facebook Marketplace, including the never-ending conversation with a potential buyer and the unexpected life changes that followed. Random Opinion Segment: We spin the wheel of random topics and land on gymnastics. Get ready for some unfiltered thoughts on the absurdity and dangers of this sport. Bizarre Whack Facts: Discover some truly strange facts, like the surprising number of men with shy bladder syndrome, and prepare for some impromptu public urination commentary. Musical Interlude: Enjoy our quirky musical number, guaranteed to make you question everything. Special Features: "Who Wants to Fk?"** A bold segment where Dr. Fauci reassures listeners about James' health status before diving into some risqué humor. James' Sperm Ad: An absurd advertisement for James' sperm, detailing the scientific intricacies and humorous potential of purchasing a dose. Bear Trauma and Furry Confessions: A listener shares their traumatic experience with teddy bears, leading to a bizarre journey into the world of furries and animal relationships. Tune in to this wild ride of an episode, filled with unexpected twists, gut-busting humor, and the kind of outrageous content that only the Sneeze Podcast can deliver. Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review! Connect Us: Email: sneezeshow@gmail.com Facebook: facebook.com/sneezeshow Twitter: @sneezeshow Instagram: @sneezeshow Song lyrics by James, music by AI. Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact James sneezeshow@gmail.com Theme Music: by Shane Ivers – https://silvermansound.com
In this hilariously offbeat episode, James Whittingham delves into a mix of comedy monologues, eccentric songs, and absurd news stories. Prepare yourself for a wild ride as James's comedic genius shines through AI-generated bits, personal anecdotes, and unique musical interludes. AI wrote this. Song lyrics by James. **1. Cold Open** - James Whittingham is partially artificial due to his high consumption of processed foods, creating a humorous persona made up of artificial ingredients. **2. Monologue: Death and COVID** - James humorously contemplates the presence of death and his recent encounter with COVID-19. His comedic take on the pandemic and its effects on his life brings a light-hearted spin to a heavy topic. **3. Stupidest Story on CNN** - James introduces a new segment where he picks the most absurd news story on CNN. This week's winner involves a remote Australian community taking revenge on a massive seawater crocodile. **4. Song: Contrails** - A catchy and satirical song about contrails and their conspiracy theories. **5. Commentary: Shoes** - James ponders why shoes always have to match and imagines a future trend where mismatched shoes become fashionable. **6. Song: Two Different Shoes** - James follows up his shoe commentary with a whimsical song celebrating the idea of wearing two different shoes. **7. Skydiving Warning** - A humorous advisory against listening to the podcast while skydiving, complete with vivid descriptions of the potential distractions and dangers. **8. Song: Nude Skydiving** - A funny and imaginative song about the perils and peculiarities of skydiving in the nude. **9. Interview: Roger Williams** - An outrageous and fictional interview with Roger Williams, who claims to achieve sexual pleasure from nude skydiving. **10. The Wheel of Random Things** - James spins a virtual wheel to decide on random topics to discuss, leading to unexpected and hilarious tangents. **11. Google AI News: Drinking Urine** - James explores a bizarre AI-generated recommendation from Google, advising people to drink light-colored urine for health benefits. **Connect with James:** - Email: Sneezeshow@gmail.com - Twitter: @Sneezeshow - TikTok: Sneezeshow - YouTube: Sneezeshow **Disclaimer:** - Do not attempt any of the activities mentioned in the podcast, especially nude skydiving. The content is purely for entertainment purposes. **Thank you for listening!** - James appreciates his audience, even if his thanks come with a side of humor and a bit of edge. Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact James sneezeshow@gmail.com Theme Music: by Shane Ivers – https://silvermansound.com
James stepped on an ant. The butterfly effect is in effect. Man impaled by iron rod through the taint. Woman's nipple falls off. A salute to the railroad caboose. Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact James sneezeshow@gmail.com Theme Music: by Shane Ivers – https://silvermansound.com
The penile system that got the former president convicted is the subject of this week's pod. The mystery of the old couple leaving my medical clinic. Embarrassed to pee in Japan. Toddler Fight Club. In the spirit of JamesPod. Please rate this show on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! Shoutout to Christian Klenow for nudging me to keep doing this. My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact James sneezeshow@gmail.com
James checks in after a winter of silence. Why not write myself a personalized workout song for the gym? We spin the wheel and learn about a boy with black urine. The worst urine story yet! Plus the word for bad breath is unpronouncable! Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact us sneezeshow@gmail.com
Should you find your biological father and what is the ideal uterus? One that picks and chooses the best genes from multiple sexual partners. Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact us sneezeshow@gmail.com
My husband made out with a teenaged underaged girl at a party, what should I do? James has the answer. Plus Boise, Idaho has some weird laws. sneezeshow@gmail.com This is our wheel for this week's shows: Urine Geography Advice SNEEZE! End the Podcast Opinion Advice Phobias Disease Advice
Agnes joins James as he gives blunt advice to people who write to advice columnists. Then Ronald Reagan briefly comes back from the dead to find out what a podcast is. Also, James is on Ozempic and CPAP.
James is tormented by his wife leaving a bag of ashes by the bathroom garbage. She can't get rid of it because she doesn't know who it is. Also, people with books in their bathrooms don't make any sense to James. And headlines involving semen sniffing dogs and disputes over urine. Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact us sneezeshow@gmail.com Transcript of this episode: Oh, so you thought you'd listen to a podcast. Well, good for you. Aren't you special, you stupid fuck. God, you're stupid. You could be doing anything thing right now, but you're listening to a podcast. What makes you so special that you think that you could listen to a podcast and not do other important things in life? Like livid? No, you're listening to a you might as well be on TikTok or something. But you're listening to a podcast, which is more in depth than intellectual, isn't it? In my bathroom, friends. In my bathroom, my upstairs bathroom, my main bathroom, my shedding bathroom. The bathroom with my beloved bidet. There is a garbage can, a large white plastic bin, rectangular, narrow wedge between the door and the wall. And a little space there that's good for putting trash. It's got a bag in it and that's what I look at when I shit. Now, I'm not one of these people who doesn't know when to go into the shit. I know when my body is ready. I don't go in there and read a fucking book, okay? I don't understand people who do that. It makes no sense to me. I go to washrooms and I see books and I think, what the fuck are you doing? How much of your life are you spending trying to get out of shit? I mean, are you constipated? If you're constipated, do something about it. Increase your fiber, increase your water intake, but don't read a fucking book on the shitter with your pants on the floor and your deck hanging out. I don't understand people like that. And there's a lot of people like that. A lot of bathrooms you go to, people that have books in them. Makes no sense to me. Why? How? I think the bigger question is how can you sit there like an idiot reading a book, hoping that the shit will just fucking come? What's wrong with you? I never go in unless my body is ready. My bowels will start moving and I think, damn it. Yes. Now I'm old, I'm mid fifty, s, and I'm very blessed with good bowels. My bowels. I've had several colonoscopies come up clean so far. Knock on wood, knock on stool. But I worry that one day I won't be so lucky. But right now I am, and I always have been. I know when my balls are ready. I get up in the morning and as soon as I wake up, my barrels wake up and they say, hey, James is up. Let's get going. I go to the bathroom, it comes out, I spray it for ten minutes, give myself a bit of an enemy if I need to. With the bidet, it comes right back to you. Why not clean the inside? It's cleaning the outside. You might as well give yourself an enema and just get everything squeaky clean. There's a problem there, though. If you forget about it. You forget that it gave you an enema, and you go about your day. Then you have diarrhea. That's an issue. It's a risk you take by going too far with your bidet. And I know I check out my bidet episode. I give you full tutorial on how to use a bidet. And it is in depth and very real, so don't be eating anything when you listen to it. But anyway, I go to the bathroom there, so I'm not spending a lot of time, but I spent enough time there enjoying the bidet spray, which is warm. And I noticed there's this bag on the floor. I don't know, it's like a cellophane, like a bag you would have in the supermarket to put a few bananas in or something or some salary. This clear little bag on the floor wrapped up, and there's ashes in it. It seems to be ashes. It is ashes. Because I asked my wife, I said, what is it that's ashes? And I said, who's ashes? And she says, I don't know. So we have this bag of ashes that my wife can't throw out. So she's placed on the bathroom floor by the garbage, but not in the garbage because she doesn't know whose ashes they are. Now, there's not that many options, okay? She's had her parents die. Does she remember saving the ashes for her parents? No, they were scattered. Does she save a little extra for something else? Who knows? We had a cat cremated once. Yes, you could do that. And we buried the cat by the tree. I don't remember saving any ashes for its favorite hunting ground or anything like that. So whose ashes are they? Where else would you get ashes from that you would keep? You know, no one collects ashes in a little plastic bag that's unmarked. So every morning I'm shitting, and I have to stare at that bag wondering, who is that who's shitting here with me? Who's here in the toilet? Is it a grandfather of my children? A grandmother? Is it a cat? Is it just ashes from somebody else that just showed up at our front door? Who is this person? And how more of it is this? I wanted a shit in peace. And furthermore, pleasure. Peace and pleasure on the toilet. Yes, when things go well, and I don't mean to brag, because I know that everybody can shit, okay? Some people fuckers. You're so simple, you don't know how to shit. That's fine. You just got to train your body. Now, I lead a life of not excessive work, and I'm around a lot, and I have freedom to shit when I need to. So I've trained my body. There's one thing that I tell my young friends, always get enough sleep and train your body to shit on time. This is a problem. If you work night shifts and different shifts, I can't even imagine your problems for those people to do that. But if you are a person whose body just says, hey, James is awake, let's get things going. And you can feel it. You sit down, it comes out, you flush, you spray, you look at the bag on the floor wondering, whose uncle is that? Who am I looking at? Can you look at the ashes and tell who it is? Can you just get a sense of who it is? And where do you spread them? She's not going to throw them in the garbage. That's the issue. She's not going to throw the ashes out. Do they need to be thrown out? Yes, I would just throw them out into the landfill with everything else. I mean, I've left enough of myself in the landfill, right? And the sewer system. More of the sewer system than the landfill. But look, if you blow your nose, part of you goes to the landfill and eventually turns into ashes. Your snot will eventually turn into dust, okay? And it will grow a plant at the landfill. The garbage dump right beside a washing machine. A little blade of grass will come up from your snot rag because you blew your nose once. So it's not a big deal. At the very least, I would take it out to the nearest gopher hole, which we live by a field adjacent to a field. So I would just take it out there and dump it in the gopher hole, which isn't far away. They like to come close, just dump it in there and let the gophers deal with it. Just get rid of it. If there's more of it, it's the gross and it's I don't want to be shitting. This could throw off my whole shit schedule. Something disruptive and upsetting like this. There are so many people. It could be so many animals, so many things. But it's ashes. What else could it be? It's not like if you collect ashes from, like, a science fair or I don't know if anyone is missing any ashes. I could put an ad in the newspaper, missing ashes. Are you missing a relative? It could be yours. I bet I get a lot of calls. It's not a lot. I mean, it's an ounce. It's a few grams. Maybe it's a pot that I forgot about and turned into ash. No, I don't smoke pot. I'd never do something like that. I don't know. Of course. The toilet is right there. Do you flush it down the toilet? Is it disrespectful? Is it disrespectful? Okay, if I'm dead and you find a bag of my ashes, I don't care if it's a tiny bag like this one or a fullfledged Hefty bag full of James, feel free to flush it down the fucking toilet. It just makes no difference to me whatsoever. You're not really spreading me in anywhere significant. Okay, my treat. I planted my cat on her. Didn't do any better because the cat was there. And it has no personality. It is never meows. It never does anything that resembles my cat in any way. And my cat's gone. I wish it wasn't, but it is. Relatives are gone. I wish they weren't, but they are. So flush my fucking bag down the toilet. As long as it doesn't clog. Okay? I wouldn't want you to hurt something or just we live in a very windy place here. Just be downwind from it. Just let it rip. Let it blow. I'll be spread everywhere then. But don't wonder what you should do with me if I'm dead, okay? Nobody cares. You don't care. I don't care. Most of all the people who are dead don't care. It's not only because I can't care, it's because I wouldn't care. It's the living who have all this guilt and bullshit and stuff. And let's open up Facebook message here because did I see a message from that fucker in Germany again? Sent me another message. There it is. Christian in Germany. No. You hate that. I know. James, get off your ass. Record another sneeze. I thought we had an unwritten rule now that every time I send you a message you get in front of the microphone and record. I guess I was wrong. I thought you weren't going to send me any more fucking messages. Christian Clemq of Deutsche Land, is it? Deutschland, where are you? I don't care. Don't send me another fucking message telling me they record another podcast. Don't do it. When I'm good and ready. Anyone else can send me a message though@speakfipe.com. Sneezhow. No sneeze. Speakfight.com. Sneeze. That is your online voicemail center. Okay? That's where I live. Now let's do what we do, OK? On this podcast. I don't really have anything to talk about. I could talk about shaving my balls. I'm not going to though, okay. Because I don't think you should shave your balls. It seems very scary to me to take a razor blade over your balls with shaving cream or not. I know it's skin like any other skin, but there's irregularities. And what happens if something goes wrong? What happens if you split it open and it gets infected and blows up like a basketball? Don't shave your balls. Get them removed with lasers. Lasers on your balls, I'm sure. Find a dominatrix with a laser, OK? And just go to her and say, can you punish me for a bit and remove the wax? Just laser off my hair so I don't have to shave it. Because, you know the kids these days, clean shaven, it's a problem. Yes, I know. Middle aged divorced people are back into the sex scene and they got to do things that they never used to do in the people. They wore their hair with pride back then. So now we're going to Google urine because this is what we do. We do a Google News search of urine and see what happens, just to see what stories are out there. So a man arrested in DC after allegedly pouring a gallon of urine on a woman. Times of Malta. I know you have a subscription. It says here. This is a quick search of Google News and urine. This is something we do here on the show because I have to talk about something. It just seems like, why not? Argument over urine ends with a beating in maxar. Accused gets a two year jail term, suspended for four. I don't know what that means. An argument between two men over urine ended with a beating and saw the aggressor getting a two year jail term. He testified that he used to find urine near his garage and had always suspected that the accused, this other guy, was to blame, so he approached him, but the accused said he did not care. I mean, if you're pissing, if you're just leaving you're pissed by somebody's house, you don't care. Obviously you don't care. I told the court that after the accused spat on the ground whenever he saw him. That's very insulting behavior. I'm so glad nobody does that to me. Your garbage, he said the other day, the incident, you'd see the accused wife and asked her to be left alone, but the accused visited him at home later. As soon as he opened the door, he spat at him. He's just really reckless with the bodily fluids. He realized that the guy was going to punch him, so he punched him first. And that's always a good thing to do with urine, people hitting the cues in the face. He then threw the other guy on the ground, hit him with his safety shoes, leaving him with a permanent disability. Another urine story of the news that ends up in a very sad way. Yeah. Dispute over urine, proving once again human beings are flawed, stupid, and just bad shit crazy as a whole. Just bad shit crazy. Yeah. Dr. Oz apparently considers himself something of a piece ofelier this is interesting. This is good stuff right here. Because Dr. Oz is running for office and the world is going to end if people like him get in. Dr. Mendel Oz once claimed that in medical schools forced restrictive doctors to drink human urine as part of their training. I don't think so. In an old year interview with late night host Jimmy Kibbell that resurfaced over the weekend, the GOPs Senate nominee in Pennsylvania elaborated on a seemingly lifelong personal fascination with all things be. This is just gross. Why America? Why do you do stupid things like elect people like him? Why do you admire people like him? In a clip from his own show that he shared by left leaning Twitter account patriot takes anything with the word patriot. And it isn't left leaning usually, but okay. Oz was shown telling the audience member that urine has a nutty scent if you haven't had anything fancy. Okay, well, my stomach is going, so I'm going to stop there. Okay, let's see this. If we could I don't know, what else should we Google the news? How about semen? Semen sniffing dog joins UK Police Department with a high school with someone like that. Let's see what it says here. It's for the dog time website. Get your latest dog news at dog TIME.com. So, yeah, UK Police Department recently brought on a semen sniffing dog. The dog unit recently welcomed April, a beautiful golden Labrador retriever, to help with sexual assault cases. Fascinatingly. April can detect immensely small amounts of Sebino fluid. I don't want to meet this dog because I've got seminal fluid everywhere. You know what, it's in your testicles, it's in your ass, it's in your prostate, it's in your penis. Men are covered with semen on the best case scenario, and if she can detect small amounts of it, dogs can smell so well. And how did she get trained? I ask who trains this dog? What kind of a pervert owner is training this police dog to detect semen? So she can detect as little as .016 ML or .005 fluid ounces of semen, which is just a fraction of an Ejaculation. There, I said it. Somebody had to say it. You were thinking it. You're going to think it. I said it. He was the only dog in the country with his incredible skill. If I had a dog billy also retired and lives a calm, happy life with his new forever home. Yeah, but masturbate and see what happens. Okay. His work laid the foundation for training other dogs. What does seban prove? Okay, I'm all for solving sexual assault cases, but if I was walking down the street and there was a sexual assault nearby, and the sexual assault seamless missing sniffing dog come sniffing, evil smells even on me. It's inevitable. I'm probably dripping it right now in small quantities. You know, men are seeming producing machines. That's basically all we do. That's all we're for just making semen. You know, we don't birth babies, we don't raise children. Generally speaking, we should. We don't do fuck. All we do is make semen, and it makes us miserable, angry, competitive, dickish human beings. This whole semen business and the testosterone that goes through it. So, yeah, everybody's going to have semen and, you know, women are going to have semen, too. Sexually active or not. Semen is everywhere. You're sitting on it right now. Get up, get up off your chair. Look down. There's a bit of semen. Trust me, it's everywhere and you can't avoid it. I wouldn't want my food tested because there's probably semen in it. Cow semen, bull semen. You know, cows don't have semen, bulls do. Goats, squirrels. I saw a squirrel cross the road today. You think that thing doesn't have Stephen point out of it. It does. You learn a lot on my podcast. You know these things. But they come out. You get educated. You think? Oh, yeah. You're right, James. You're right. Everywhere, Siemens. Everywhere. Say, what the fuck away from my laptop, you stupid dog. Next time, people, I will be back. And I don't need a fucking voicemail anybody in Germany to tell me to make a podcast.
News story on Bible camp leader performing an excorcism makes me think I heard this story before at a script table read. Dude in Colorado thinks he's healthy by drinking and even soaking his own eyeballs in his urine. Transcript: Announcer: SNEEZE! With James Whittingham. james: Just had a few sour cream and onion Pringles. They were hidden in the couch by my partner who didn't want me to eat any because she knows that will eat them all till I die. I don't love them that much, but really, it's the flavor, it's the mouthfeel, it's the coming back for the extra goo. And it makes me thirsty. I want to be thirsty. So I had a few to me. So I hydrate better, right? That's why I did it. I wasn't hungry, really. I mean, it was arguably hungry. Little bit. Christian Clemq sent me another fucking message. This is the guy. This is the bastard who sent me a message last week. Now he sends me another one. And I have not listened to it yet, so let's listen to it together. I hope it's good. Sir Weddingham. dude. You didn't have to include my message. But okay, well, you did. Why do you keep sending them to me? Like, hearing themselves? This is what you sound like. I don't and I just got back from the club friday and Saturday I work at the club. Was I shocked? I was like, oh, new sneeze. Fuck, it's me. Yeah, you said, this is what happens. For the recognition. And thank you for recording something. I do enjoy your podcast always, and please do it weekly. Just don't blame me. Okay. All right. That's pretty good. Did you fake that? I can't fake a sneeze like that. Did you sneeze on command? That's impressive. Yeah, so sorry about that. I didn't know I wasn't supposed to play it last week or this week. That's why I didn't listen to it. See, you send me a message, you get on my fucking podcast. I don't care. You cross the street, you might get hit by a car. You send me a message. You might be on my podcast. This is an old lesson that goes back dozens of years, well, to the beginning of podcasting, which I started back in 2003. A lot of people said Adam Curry started it. No. And The Godfather podcasting I started. It also started Facebook and a number of other things. Yeah. Lawsuits are still pending. So thank you, Christian, for getting me to broadcast. This is the first time that I've broadcasted two weeks in a row. A good thing there. So I was saying last week, I think I thought, why didn't mention this week, my wife partnership stepped in to help her sister, whose partner did not help her, and took her to the hospital when she needed medical care. And she had to spend her whole day and night doing this. And she was stressed out and there were problems. She lost her phone. It slipped out of her pocket. Slipped out of her short pocket. And immediately she knew it was lost. And I went and I tracked it right away. And it was at a homeless shelter, basically. I went to the homeless shelter and the battery in my laptop died and I couldn't track it anymore. There was long stories trying to get into her account to track it from her phone and we lost it. So she put up a this is a month ago, she put up a sign in the homeless shelter because she was talking to the homeless shelter people and outside the homeless shelter because she wanted her damn $800 phone back and we don't have the money to replace it. So nothing happens in a month. And two nights ago the phone rings at 140 in the morning. And I've only listened to it at 140 in the morning, so I've not listened to it since then. I don't expect to be surprised by this. I'm going to play it for you because I have a message here. Where would I find the message? I think in my yes, you received a voicemail message at 01:42 a.m. It's 23 seconds long. Let's listen to it together. Hey, bro, I see you lost your Samsung. But if it was an Apple, well, it could still be lost because they can hack apples now. What a fucking loss. An Apple hack. I better get my new shit cost. What the fuck was that? It made more sense to be at 130 in the morning than it did now. What the hell? What the hell is wrong with people? Apples can be hacked. Fuck him. You know, fuck. I don't care if you're homeless or not. You can't do anything with that fucking phone. What are you going to do? Sell it for the chip in it or what? I mean, you can't sell a fucking phone for anything. Nothing. Not even a taste of meth. What are you taking someone's phone for? Fuck. You guys bicycling back and forth. I saw them too. As I was sitting outside the the homeless shelter. I saw the motherfucker running away on his bike. Yeah, I'd like to punch him in the face, but I'm sure a thousand other people punched him in the face. I'd like to to punch a homeless person in the face. Do you know how much grief my wife goes through these days? You know how shitty her old phone is? She has to carry an auxiliary charger around with her. It's pathetic. She refuses to buy another phone because she's putting herself through this guilt thing of losing it in the first place. So she's not going to she shouldn't have lost it. Fuck him. And it was locked. It was locked and it was shut down. And apparently the Samsung, they shut them down and the telephone company and they can't be used again. Turning to the news, I have to turn somewhere. So this is weird. I got a friend named Lordine. He's a film director and did Wolf Cop and the sequel to Wolf Cop. Another wolf cop. That's what it's called. And other things as well. He's continuing to struggle to make films. And hello, if you're listening and hello to your lovely partner who goes by the name of Dee because she doesn't like to be mentioned in public. So hello, D. It's weird to hear your name, isn't it? I'm always going to table readings over the decades with Lowell, and I feel like something in the news, I had already read at a table read one of his scripts because he's a genre filmmaker for the most part. Here where I live in Saskatchewan, Canada. We have a very embarrassing situation here. The headline reads, we all believed he was possessed. Says Boy, who witnessed exorcism as Saskatchewan Bible Camp. So that's in the national international headlines because there was a forced exorcism by the Bible camp. What do you think happens at Bible camps? They go canoeing and then talk. Jesus. No, it's exorcisms. It's pain. It's sodomy these are what's going on in Bible camps. So many places. You drive along the road near a resort and it's like this Bible camp this way. Where are these fucking Bible camps coming from? And when did they get this free prime property to have these Bible camps? Did God give it to them? No, the church had sway 100 years ago, and they got all these stupid Bible camps, and now they're conducting exorcisms at them. This guy, this camp leader, had been fired from other camp duties, apparently. He said the demons had infiltrated the camp. It doesn't infiltrate non Bible camps, which is kind of funny. It just infiltrates actual Bible camps. So, yeah, it was real. We believed he was possessed by multiple demons, not just one. Fuck. I've been possessed by a demon, but not multiple demons. Come on. And they said it was a spiritual hotspot. This Bible can fuck. This is such a good movie. The thing is now, if my friend makes the movie that he wanted to make, it's going to be like somebody's going to sue them saying, you stole our idea. Well, I can vouch for you now, and I'm willing to go to court, put my hand on a Bible, demons and all, and say that my friend Lol had this idea before this actually happened. At least a version of this idea. The problem is you have to have child actors. Child actors in a small budget film. You have to have a Gazillion dollars. You have to have Tom Cruise money before you can afford child actors because they only work so many hours and they get good ones. You have to search far and wide around the world to find them. So it's an expensive proposition. Yeah, that's traumatic. And these poor kids were abused without actually, they're not going to press charges, though, because why do that? So the man who did exorcism calls himself an apostle, the 13th apostle. He has business cards. The guy gives out business cards saying he does exorcisms. You imagine you might have a clown at a party. That's a kid's party. But say you have a bachelor party in the old days, you'd get a stripper, right? Which is not politically correct anymore, never was, but it's not now. Why not get an extra system and he can come and decide who's got the demons in them. And it's the guy who wanted to have the strippers. Of course, you could just do that and go ahead with a full that would be fun. I'm disappointed this guy is going to be shunned by society now because that would be useful. Pardon me for a minute. I have to dust something. I refuse to wait any longer before I dust this, because I'm looking at it now. Usually my other podcast happens in the dark because there's video. There's no video for this. And now the light is shining on things and it's fucking dusty. My microphone stand is dusty. My mixer is dust. Look at all that dust. You can't it's an audio podcast. But if you were here, you would see dust and you would maybe oh, that's a lot of dust. Maybe Sneeze, maybe like Christian back from the club. By the way, you send me another message. It's going on the fucking podcast. Do you hear me in Germany? Do you hear me, boy? It's going on the podcast. Don't send me a message. Can't you type? Did you lose your fingers in the war? The great masterpiece and exorcism incident where they've chopped off by the Bible camp to get rid of the urge to bastard. David Spade, apparently is a former SNL comedian and he's disappointed SNL now. He says SNL died when what's her name is Hillary Clinton singing Hallelujah. After Trump won, it seemed to work. It was a tough time. Of course, anything would have worked for me. I was just, you know, sick. Sick like hell. All my Trump fans are deleting my podcast now. That's okay. I don't want to get political, but fuck you. Political as I got. Fuck you, Trump fans. Fuck you. Fuck your mother. Fuck your mother's dog. Fuck your mother's dead dog. Fuck your rat. Fuck the rat under your mobile home. Fuck it. Fuck you all. That's what I have to say about that. Wednesday demons were the only topic of conversation at the top, and they were all anxious, not accustomed looking for the demons. I'm sorry. It's the yelling of the speaking in tongues before declaring the demon purged. If you don't speak in tongues and scream, the demons not pursue. I found that myself. You know, you just have to do a lot of screaming. This is like violating of the soul. It's good for you. It's good to get the demons out and the boys coward. This is not funny. This is real shit. This is not far off. This is right around the corner. There are people here and they all partook. This stupid camp boy now sees he was deceived. Yeah, he's got Satan in him. I'm going to look up urine, okay? We haven't done that in a while. I haven't looked up urine in the news. I'd like to take the first news story of a Google urine man drank his urine every morning as a natural cure all and also uses it as a foot. Soak an eye bath. Okay? I don't care what you soak in your soak. Your junk in there. You can get peed on in the Russian hotel room. I don't care. But when you're soaking your eyeballs and urine, that's where I draw the line. He admits he clashed with a housemate over the smell. His name is Brother Sage. And why wouldn't it be? He's 68. He's from Colorado. He drinks his urine every morning. He believes urine is a health cure all, uses for football, eye, bass, and soaks himself. And charges this is charges $345 to teach people. Not 350, not 300, $345. So he's up making a lot of money without hitting that 350 mark. That psychological 350 mark when you pay for someone to teach you about peak consumption. He dranks his own urine each morning. He believes it is a natural cure all, says that his bizarre habit has led to a bus stop with his housemate who was sick of the smell, wafting to the kitchen. Enough with the urine. Brother's age. Fuck. Get your eyeballs out of there. Wow. He's currently plugging a course for up to 345 for students who wish to unlock the secrets of their own urine. Here's a secret of your own urine. It's waste and you should get rid of it, okay? Unless you're on the space station and you're recycling this fucking stuff, get rid of your goddamn urine right now. Okay, pee in the bush. If you're listening to this podcast and your bladder is oh, God. Okay, I'm going to throw up here. There was a picture from drinking of a jar. I'm gagging. I'm not usually that sensitive to stuff, but holy fuck, I almost tossed my Pringles. Jesus. Jesus, Louises, that's disgusting. I'm turning to the internet people so I can generate a list of a random object and see if a cookie jar really cookie jar? Yeah, my mother used to have a cookie jar. Well, it's still there. She's dead. The cookie jar still exists because my brother took over the house and I'm sure it's got cobwebs in it, but she would fill it with homemade chocolate chip cookies made from a crisco. This is why I'm fat. She fed me these at birth. Yes. And then I became proficient in getting to the cookie jar from downstairs because, damn, I'd like to cookie. She got peckish. You have a cookie right there sitting there all the time. What else are you going to get? An apple? The fuck is an apple? Those cookies were there, but our floor squeaked. Horrendously in our house. It wasn't that old of a house, but the floors weren't well done, and they squeaked. And I wasn't the lightest of people like I am now, but I wasn't light. But I found, like, a minefield, and they were a minefield because one squeak and you gave up. You just pretended you were getting a glass of milk and went back downstairs. But if I could navigate the minefield to get through all the squeaks, it was like a ballerina. I was, like, on toes and tiptoeing and dancing around, and I got really good at it so that I would not make any squeaks at all and I could get to that cookie jar and get in there and have all the cookies I wanted. But sometimes I would screw up and it would squeak and I would say, no, she didn't hear that. She'd always hear it and come running. It's too late for cookies. Fuck, yeah. Really good at doing so much so that I almost I have high arches. The high arches helped. It just makes your foot flexible. You have a heavy step. It's flexible, right? It get some spring to it when you have a high arch. Let's look at another object packing peanuts. It reminds me both of sex and food, and there's neither. It's an object that you put in an Amazon. No, you don't put them in the Amazon package, but they put that in packages. And what do you do with them? They just blow away into the wind, into somebody's yard and some bird's gullet packing peanuts. The third one. What's it going to be? It's going to be random paper. We ran out of paper the other day. It's amazing. What it's like to be out of paper. It's not good. It's worse than being out of toner, because you have the toner, you can do something with it. The toner is the expensive part, but it's impotent. Your toner is impotent. Your inkjet, your toner supplying. Your printer can't do anything without the paper. Nothing. The paper is important, and yet it is, in itself, the cheap part of the situation here. And you can't do anything without it. The ink just sits there. You know you can do it. You can print a whole photograph of just one sheet of paper and it can't be wrinkled. You can't put a used piece of paper into your printer. It will jam up, and you'll lose it for life. All right, let's do the Random Disease Generator. It's time for a random disease. There we go. And it is a lot of syllables. You know, I can't do this. I'm not good at this. Perry. Venus. Hey. Actually, that wasn't too bad. Perevenis. I'm guessing it's vascular in some way. Encephalopirometis. Okay, I can't say it. There's one too many syllables in there. If there was one less syllable, I could say it. There's too many at the end. I just get tripped up. I don't know what that is. I'm going to find out, though, because I'm googling it right now. Let's discover together it is an autoimmune pathological hallmark of acute disseminated encephalomic, or Alepriliolitis, let's call it adem is characterized by brief but widespread attack of inflammation in the brain and spinal cord that damages myelin, the protective covering of nerve fibers. This is one of those diseases that you didn't know about, isn't it? And you're thinking, now I know about something else that can go wrong with me. Well, here it is. The symptoms include rapid appearance beginning with encephalitis, symptoms such as fever, fatigue do we really need a random disease of the week, James? After a pandemic, do we really need that? Weakness to the point of paralysis difficulty? Long term prognosis is generally favorable for most individuals. Recovery begins within days and within six months. The majority of Adm patients have total or near recoveries. Others have mild to moderate lifelong impairment ranging from cognitive difficulties, weakness, loss of vision, or numbness or severe cases can be fatal, but it's very rare. Okay, well, we stayed good news story there. That's good. We're going to do a Google News search for penis. This is from Ghana Web. It's in very small text, so I'm going to expand it. And the headline is this I don't get aroused when I massage clients, testicles and penis as therapist. A massage therapist who specializes in testicular massage, edna Dee Dee something or other. I can't handle these names. She's Indian and there's just too many suffers because too many vowels. In short, she has said that rendering testicular massage to men sometimes gets some men to attempt to take advantage of her. According to Edna in an interview with blogger Zionfeeliax, this all ensued when she started delivering home service massages to some of her clients outside their office. I don't get around, she says, but it depends because before I used to offer a home service, I realized it wasn't favoring me. I was not favoring me because some people wanted to take advantage of me and others, it's really not because of the prostate, they just wanted to see me. She exposed. She also added that when she picked up what she thought was going on in her favor, she stopped offering home service therapies and chose to work from her spa only in the claims that at her spa she has bouncers who handle sneaky men who attempt to take her for granted. When she is going about her work with Argi Desiccals. She's a bigger woman too, by the way. Some of these men, they start touching themselves and that's okay, but I chose to do it to my spa instead. So on that side, at least I have a bouncer and you can't do anything to harm me. And that's all. There's a whole new story on this, the fact that this is like an onion piece, but it's not. It's just this woman says that she's a massage therapist for testicular massage. I don't know where I stand. I'm a pervert iVERT with the biggest, but I just don't get it. Not a hard massage. If you had blue balls, would it help? Probably make it worse. They'd be sore. I don't understand. Anyway, that's what I got to leave you with now, right? This whole idea of massage. Sneeshow@gmail.com one word sneezhow@gmail.com you can contact me. Speak, pipe.com, slash. Sneeze leave a voicemail. Especially if you're in Germany and you want to leave me a message. Yeah, be on the show. Talk to me. Testicular massage. I mean, the massage, by its nature, is not gentle. I don't know. I don't know. You know I can listen to this article, right? Listen to this article now. Massages to some of her clients outside of her office. I don't get aroused. But then it depends. Because before I used to offer home service and realized it wasn't favoring me. It was not favoring me because some people wanted to take advantage of me and others, it's not really because of the prostate. They just wanted to see me. She disclosed. Just a quick word from our sponsor. This is Jay Zeniham. Listen to my podcast. you. Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact us sneezeshow@gmail.com
Liz Cheney sees through me. She knows every bad thing I've done. Christian Klenow sends voice feedback encouraging James to get back behind the microphone. My links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham Twitter: @jewhittingham and @sneezeshow Other podcast: @cleanenergypod Contact us sneezeshow@gmail.com Transcript of this episode: Voicemail: Hi, James. I was just corresponding with Dave Brodbeck, your friend who introduced me to you, and we had a podcaster meeting here in Hamburg. That's where where I am. I was in La for 32 years, but I'm now in Hamburg. Dude. Oh, man, I miss your show. When is the next Sneeze, please? Sneeze for us. Don't insert pepper into your nostrils, but just record something, please. not just a fan, I'm also one of the first German speaking podcasters. And again, you're amazing. I miss your talent. with James Whittingham. Why are you making me do this? I hate it. I hate it. I can't I like podcasting. Once you get started, you know, it's not so bad. It's been a while since I podcasted. I apologize for that. I've already hurt my throat. And today I've got not a bottle of water, but a bottle of water with a pump on top. A giant four liter, one gallon bottle of water purchased from the good people at Walmart. And instead of a little bottle of water, it's a big bottle of water. And it's got a pump. It cost me $18 on Amazon. It's pumping into a little Dixie cuff they use in the bathroom. You know what? It's one of those situations where it filled more than up. That it's just whatever the physics is that keeps it in there, that it's bulging over the top, but it's not going to be very carefully. It's got a lithiumion battery and it's been pumping fall, summer. Let me get some more. but I don't know. It's a pump. It's a water pump. Third World countries have these things in wells. Well, I've got wine in a bottle because I'm not a third World country. I've got my own bottle of water, which came from God knows where. I assume a mountain stream. Let's see. It says natural spring water. So gurgled out of the ground into a lake, and then the lake was sent to a municipal water system and they put a charcoal filter on it. That's probably what it is. I mean, all water is spring water. You could say all water is urine, right? I mean, every bit of water we've drank was pissed by something at one point in history. A dinosaur, a monkey, a fish. The fish piss. Seems like they wouldn't even notice. Why would they notice if a fish pissed? The guy behind you is like, oh, shit, Harry's pissing. And I'm swimming right into that. And my gills, which I use for oxygen, are picking up that piss. That's a pisser for them. But yeah, I mean, these bottled water shit, you can say anything about them. It should say natural piss. Not natural spring water. Natural piss water. Because everything has been pissed. You know, that everything. Listen, I don't know why I haven't done a podcast. Hell, I'm thinking about doing a podcast every damn day. Every day. Think about that. Could the three people listening to the show take it if I put out a podcast every day? Yes, they could for a while. Then they get sick of me. I have thoughts every day on things. Sometimes it's the news, sometimes it's my digestive system. Sometimes it's my urinary tract. Today I'm pissing a lot. So pissing came up. Yeah, it might. Piss is darker than I hoped it would be. It used to have a very light piss. It's turned darker. I don't think I'm drinking enough water, which is why I bought this damn pump for a big bottle, so I could drink some more water. However, the glasses, the paper cups I'm using very small. Further to that, I think a mosquito bit my leg. And I don't like mosquitoes. They're bad. This year, summer is coming to an end. This is a depressing thought. If you're me, summer is too short. Climate change, bring it on. Then we get winter. So we reset. We forget about summer, and we appreciate it. They say the key to being happy in life this is they they say this is to be thankful. And that's why Canadians are happier than Americans, because we appreciate summer. Hell, we appreciate winter sometimes because at least we're not dead. Usually that's a good thing, not being dead. And if you are dead and you're listening to this, thank you. Because I got feedback from Christian this week, and that's why I'm here. He forced me into this. You fucking asshole. I'll find you wherever the hell you are in Europe right now. I will come to you and find you and yeah. Why aren't you in Los Angeles? I always thought if I ever needed somebody to stay with in Los Angeles, that would be you. Or maybe some advice about Los Angeles. You could live there for, like, 30 years. Now. I don't have that. I've got maybe Ryan Reynolds. Good friend of mine. Ryan Reynolds a good guy, too. Won't return my calls. So liz Cheney, as you know, is from Wyoming. She's trying to protect democracy in the United States, which is ultimately protecting democracy everywhere, including here in Canada. And I don't like her. I don't agree with her on any political front other than democracy. Good, authoritarianism, bad. But that's okay because that's the most important thing when you say there's somebody from another party, but at least you have some commonality. This is the commonality. This is the commonality I have with Liz Cheney. And not to be sexist, I will now say something sexist. Feeling a bit of an attraction to her. And this is something that's developed slowly. And I know if you're male, you feel the same way. If I could program a robot dominatrix for myself, for my own personal pleasure, I would say, give me the Cheney with chains. Liz Cheney with chains. Just because I feel guilty. I feel like I've done something bad around her. I look at her, and I feel guilty, like I ate an extra cookie today. Channing knows I enjoyed sneezing liz cheney knows that I had pleasure. The church of Cheney dictates that no one be happy, because clearly she's not happy. I've never seen her smile. I've never seen her laugh or tell a joke. She's humorless. This is perfect for the robot down atrix flavor. If I were to pick 1 second to list Cheney, I don't know who it would be, honestly. Hillary Clinton, maybe. I mean, if I was having lunch with Hillary, I would feel guilty just about not being a better person, about not doing enough and not pulling my weight to keep the world a better place and being lazy. I think Cheney and Clinton would both know that it's not just being mean. It's not like I look at her and I say, she's mean. And that's why I think she would make the perfect dominatrix for me, or at least her personality applied to something else. She is a person. She's not a dominatrix. She's got her own career, and she's talented and good at what she does, I suppose, but that doesn't preclude us. I mean, have you seen the president of Finland? She's like, 36 and has active ovaries, which is very attractive to him at my age. Anyone with active ovaries? I've spilled a tiny cup of my water. I have to get some more here. There we go. That's refreshing. It's room temperature, but it's still refreshing. Oh, the itch. I'm just constantly scratching myself and getting pleasure out of it. Ms. Cheney, please, madam senator, punish me for a bad. Yeah, well, that's something that you did need to see me and tattered underwear getting restrained on Saturday night in a dungeon by channy with Hillary Clinton in the wings. What about a male dominatrix? Why do they have to be female? Who would be my male dominatrix? Who would I feel guilty in front of automatically? The pope would make a good dominatrix. He has that talent. He has that ability that whatever that thing is to make you feel guilty about just existing. And the Pope was in Canada recently. If I was looking them in the eye, I would say, he sees through me. He sees into me, and he knows that I'm a bad person. He knows all the bad things I've done. And there's a lot there's a lot of bad things I've done. I can't begin to tell you the bad things I've done. I mean, I could outline maybe one or two a show, but I don't think there's a statute of limitations in Canada that protects me from some of the bad things I've done, so I'm not going to do that. So the pope, he would have this little smile on his face as he whipped you, and he said, gems, you're bad. Take some more of this. I like the bruise. Yeah, that's the kind of pope he is. He would be a good dominator. It slips my mind with the name for dominatrix. Is that a gender specific name or is it going to be a male? Why is there no male dominatrix? Is it because males are assholes anyway? Violent, masculine assholes. And we always look for that in our sexual deviance. Heterosexual people with a female figure wearing leather. What does leather have to do with it, by the way? Liz Channy and leather. Why couldn't she be wearing a nice picnic dress, nice summer dress, or maybe a nice senate suit? Yes, it's the senate suit she's going to wear because, you know, she'll see right through me and punish me just like the pope would. The pope knows where to go. He knows where your deepest dirtiest thoughts are. And as an experienced pope, he can see those. He sees everything because he's close to god, you understand? And god knows everything, and he or she imparts that onto the pope. And the pope just knows everything you've done, and he punishes it for you. Maybe I feel like I've had too many things in my life that have gone unpunished. Maybe I need some sort of resolution to the issues of the bad things I've done. Maybe the idea of guilt could be solved with being punished for being a bad boy. I thought, that's a terribly bad boy. Who knows? I've been to Wyoming. Sadly, I've been to Wyoming several times because Wyoming stands between me and Denver, and Wyoming is like the shittiest state in the union next to the Dakota, of course, but it's a terrible fucking state with terrible fucking people. Can you imagine being left wing in Wyoming? It would be, I don't know, like being gay in the catholic church. I don't know. That seems actually quite common compared to other places, so I'm not so sure about that. Take that back. But yeah, and it's like one and three people supported her in the election and two and three didn't. It's just a terrible state. They have nothing. They have coal. You drive by coal plants with coal trains that go on and on, no one cares. And the world is changing. They're not burning coal anymore. So what does Wyoming have left? It has maybe six horses and it's got a walmart. You walk into the walmart and they've got this big display of all the people who've fought and died in wars, and it's big. It's huge. All the Wyomings wyoming nerves wyomers, wyomers have gone off and they've shot themselves, you know, in the foot and died. I assume they shot themselves because they're so stupid. I guess the idea is that Wyoming being a rugged, difficult state with not much there other than a tumbleweed and a rock, you have to be an independent sort of minded people. So all out of the pool of humanity, the independent government hating crepes went there. And it's like Australia. Wyoming is like the Australia of the United States. It's just criminals and people who don't want authority, but also really don't want to have a life worth talking about either. They just want to exist and hate on things and be conservative. And that's where Dick Cheney comes from and his daughter Liz. See, Dick himself wouldn't make a very good dominatrix. He got the CIA to do his torturing, right? And he cowardly said he had nothing to do with it or that it was perfectly fine and old man heart doesn't work. Fucker. Still alive somehow. The daughter equally conservative, maybe more so. Conservative and good dominatrix material, at least the personality. If you're going to program a personality into something, I would do the Liz Cheney. So, Liz, if you're listening, saturday nights is my dominatrix night, and between seven and nine, I tried to be punished. So you know where to find me. I can find you. You do whatever you tell me to do. I will do whatever you tell me to do. It doesn't matter. The United States, of course, is in the midst of a culture war where climate change is part of the woke movement. People who are awoke, people who are unwoke, are vampires or dead. The undead in the 70s, woke people used to be zombies, right? And the zombies, they would wake up from the grave and be woke, and they would cause trouble. They'd kill you if they could eat your brains and all that. I'm concerned about the world and where it's going. Aren't you? I feel like democracy is a good thing. I've been brainwashed to believe this. China thinks I'm wrong. Pardon me, I have to take a sip. You know, if I put Koolaid in there, it would just kick it up a notch, a whole notch. It's just that Koolaid water has artificial sweeteners in it, so it kind of has an aftertaste nowadays. But then I drank artificial artificial sweeteners all the time. So if I drank sugar, it would have an aftertaste as well. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. My partner's phone was stolen at the hospital. She's at the hospital taking her sister there because her husband wouldn't, and it turns out that possibly saved her life. And then she dropped her phone immediately taken. I tried to search it. I tried to track it, and I went to a homeless shelter, and I went to the homeless shelter, and then my phone died, and I couldn't track it anymore. And then I saw some creepy guy drive away on a bike. Probably threw it in a trash bin. So now we're trying to find her a phone. What a pain in the ass. Did nothing for him. Did nothing for him. It was locked. It was locked and secured. There was nothing he could possibly have done with it. And yet I don't know if he ate it. I hope he didn't, for his sake, because he's probably dead now. You can eat a phone. There's a lot of sharp things in there, not to mention radiation and such. People are afraid of radiation from five G. I hope you're listening to this on 5G, honestly, because that means you're sane and the age of tin foil hats is here. People are worried about 5G. It's amazing what people are worried about. It's amazing what people fall for. I accidentally found myself on a Conservative thread. Some shit poster from my province posted something about liberals on a hotel sign. And it was so obviously photoshopped. But thousands of people right on. I'm staying at that hotel, and it was so bloody obviously Photoshopped. And these idiots, these fucking idiots are all woke. You know who's woke? The fucking right. The fucking idiot right is woke. They were dormant. They were in their basement going about their jobs. Now they are woke. They're fucking woke and they want a piece of the world that's changing. They don't like the change in the world. Well, fuck them. Fuck you. Woke right. People don't give a fuck about you. I don't give a fuck about your mother. Your mother didn't love you. If you're listening to this and you're a woke right person, fuck you, you idiot. You're falling for shit. You're getting your news off of Facebook. You're not part of reality. You're wrecking the fucking world. You're the ones who woke. Go back to your fucking basement. Nerds. Nerds are woke too. They're misogynist pieces of shit now. Nerds, crypto bros and the like. Fuck you, too. All these people think that these dorky young white men should be in charge of the world, and they're failing to do so. Well, that's too bad. I had a long time fan tell me on YouTube that it's okay to be racist. I blocked him. I was heartbroken. I've mentioned it before in the show and it came up again the other day. And I just have all the things in the world that I hate and cannot stomach and makes me sad and sick. It's racism. And to think that somebody was a fan of mine in the is a happy racist. I blame Kevin Allardyce, my co star. It wasn't me. It was obviously signals that Kevin was sending out some Arian shit out of his fucking ears. Fuck you, Kevin. Kevin Allardyce. Just for the transcript so he can search himself. Fuck you, Kevin, you racist piece of shit. He's not racist, not that I know of. He's not a perfect human being. Who is? He got a new car recently. Very happy about himself. It's not a new car. It's new to him and a bit of a midlife crisis for my former comedy star. That's all I'm going to talk about this week because I think I've given you more than you deserve, and you don't deserve anything. That's what Cheney would say if she was looking at you now, she would hate you. She would say, Why are you listening to podcast? Why are you listening to this fat, stupid fuck from Canada on a podcast? Don't you have anything better to do? And then she would say this as she was tying your hands behind your back and strapping you to a chair and sharpening her chain, which she would chain you. She whip your ass with chains. Like chains. Not chains that are going to kill you, but change that will leave a mark and make you scream in pain and fear. Because that's what Liz Cheney would say if she knew that you were. And she'll find out. She'll find out. She has the Internet. She has people who will find you. So I'll look out for Liz Cheney coming to look for you. I'm James. I don't know who the fuck you are, but thank you for listening. Talk to you again sooner than you damn well think.
James was triggered by the slap heard around the world at the Oscars. Plus James answers questions until you get to know him. I'm on youtube and twitter. sneezeshow@gmail.com
How James plans to kill 'The Russian Perogie' due to his war on Ukraine.
Tired of the crazy fringe. Trucker convoys, conspiracy theories, and absolutely insane accusation of a false flag. Covid restrictions. A brief update from James.
A shy comic performer who had just got on to national television runs is broke and takes a job as a personal assistant to one of Hollywood's most infamous directors, Peter Bogdanovich. You're truly spent two intimate weeks with Bodanovich and took he, his then wife, Louise Stratten, her mother and a relative to Niagara Falls in the middle of cutting a Disney movie of the week. I was somewhat terrified of the man. But he might have been more broke than I was at the time. This is my story.
Being a noted hypochondriac of course I thought I was dying when they ordered a 5 foot scope up my ass. The story, fear and elation as James gets a colonoscopy at the General Hospital in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada.
Before today, if I showed up in Heaven, the first thing I'd ask is to be a fly on the wall during a Beatles record production. Thanks to Peter Jackson, that wish has been fulfilled on Earth and is airing on Disney Plus. The Beatles were the soundtrack to my earliest memories. How they achieved such greatness mystified me my whole life. But I am now complete.
James screams about racism, racist relatives, the Rittenhouse verdict, and failing his colon screening test assuming once again death is near. It's not. IF YOU ARE A RACIST stop listening to me now. Unsubscribe from everything I do. Obama's election made us pat ourselves on the back and too many of assumed we were post racism. Then, like powering off the machine that contained the ghosts on the first Ghostbusters, Trump unleashed the racism within so many people. Thanks for listening. Black Live Matter. Every Child Matters.
James takes his 13 year old fishnet-wearing daughter trick or treating only to find sympathy for her being alone got her more candy. But when he rummages through her candy he finds the choices are boring and few. If someone with a time machine stopped Halloween from getting invented, James' pants would fall to the floor. Asshole Mark Zuckerberg wants to us face to face via headsets, looking at fake other people. Hundreds of QAnon believers gathered in Dallas to witness the supposed return of John F. Kennedy and John F. Kennedy Jr., who are very much dead. This is a bad sign for the future. Elon Musk could put 6 billion dollars into solving world hunger if the U.N. can come up with a plan. James would be happy if Elon Musk solved James Peckishness for about a hundred bucks. We spin the wheel and talk pansexuals, panphobias and paperboys. Thanks for listening. See James on Tik Tok.
Every other white person has a family castle in the U.K. Not the Whittinghams. Odd phobias like fear of small holes! A sex toy to hide your valuables. Not those valuables! James speculates that the abandoned Whittingham Psychiatric Hospital in Great Britain is haunted and perhaps your host is a serial killer. Movie idea for Lowell Dean. Caution: Listening to this podcast will kill you. Find me on Tik Tok and Twitter @sneezeshow Contact me sneezeshow@gmail.com Tell your friends!
There's a rat urine disease in New York City that's killing people. As if we didn't have enough problems. The Queen is near death and James can't take the idea of even more change, like the Queen not being on money. She's always been on money. Now we have everything wrong with the world and our money will look different. Tooooo much change! James is now on TikTok come see him! https://www.tiktok.com/@jameswhittinghamsneeze SneezeShow@gmail.com Twitter @sneezeshow James on Twitter @jewhittingham Check out my other podcast, The Clean Energy Show. Thank you!
James discovers there's such a thing as a 55 plus seniors living complex, right after turning 55. He ponders why people his age would need their own middle-aged home. Denny's seniors' menu, BTS obsession, returning to the gym, combining a cat and a dog to make a super pet.
James returns with nipples you could eat off of and is ready to talk horse dewormer, Norm Macdonald, obituaries, getting back to the gym and how each hot dogs you eat can take 36 minutes off your life. Plus: Do vegetables feel pain? Check out my YouTube channels, Twitter is @jewhittingham and @sneezeshow. Tik Tok is https://www.tiktok.com/@sneezepodcast
Is the pandemic over? James gains weight due to the lockdown. He vaxes his family at great lengths and almost gets exposed. Then he goes to an anti-lockdown rally to listen in to the lunatics and bigots. A local YouTuber details cars and people get off on watching a good-looking man clean. How to tell if someone is on steroids. James can't figure out TikTok and asks for your help. Follow Sneeze on TikTok/@sneezepodcast
No prep, James just starts talking! Cotton pillow cases, broken bidet, covid vaccine, Victor Lam story, congrats to Lowell Dean on getting the prick, the Impossible Whopper, pandemic malaise. Nothing fancy today, just James talking. Should he do this every day? sneezeshow@gmail.com @sneezeshow Voice message me - speakpipe.com/sneeze
James thinks he will get the vaccine soon but his unusual friend Victor Lam (star of "WolfCop" and "Another WolfCop"), who joins him on the show, has already had it! Victor hesitated first. We'll find out why. Plus James is constipated and has to explain what a bidet is to Victor. Then we spin the wheel to create conversation topics just like the old days! James's other comedy podcast "Where Porn Stars Go to Die" tells the fictional story of an over-the-hill porn icon who breaks his penis and has to navigate life in the real world. LISTEN/FOLLOW Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6dcop1ve2n1tm6CiNtmNau Voice Mail: https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze Email sneezeshow@gmail.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAuA5hq1N17HsJgDz96J9NQ
The Weeknd's Super Bowl half time show was a big success for James so screw you. But he spend 7% of his own bank account to make it happen because Pepsi was being cheap assholes. A brief overview of the past Super Bowl half time shows including the first one that featured The Three Stooges in 1967. James thinks the crowd of 25 thousand at the game didn't need to be there to make a difference. They could have faked the crowd noise. And what if it rained on the cardboard cut outs. Would the have wilted and died? A studio audience should be vaccinated before everyone else and fly around to all the late night talk shows because James misses laughter. 7 Guillermo Rodriguez from Jimmy Kimmel Live has a drinking problem and isn't enough to provide laughter for the show. James is an elitist but has never eaten babies or drank their blood. If the secret cabals with Bill Gates and George Soros were so secret, how do we know about them? The Tide-to-Go pens are not big enough for James's lifestyle. He needs one as big as one of those jumbo Jiffy markers. And did you know he takes his shirt off to eat a hot dog? Ground Hogs are only right about 37% of the time on Ground Hog Day. Why not reverse the myth so it's accurate? A woman claims her Goop vagina candle exploded in her living room. James does a calculation to come up with the perfect gravity. Christopher Plummer died and only not is everyone calling him a drunk. RIP. Mike Lindell, the My Pillow guy, came out with a 3 hour movie but that's too long for me to watch. Canadian's care about U.S. politics because if the United States goes authoritarian they'll take over Canada.
This is a fictional story about an aging iconic porn star who breaks his penis and must navigate life in the real world. He was a sensation at a very young age because of his gigantic testicles. Those balls were so big they revitalized a struggling porn industry which was under threat from amateur with cheap video cameras. This is his story. It's the story of an over the hill porn star known the world over for his balls. A well-meaning but misguided man who claims credibly to have had sex with as many as four thousand women, mostly on camera. Yet you couldn't find a more lonely human being. He's been making pornographic videos his whole adult life. It's pretty much all he knows and along the way he became a cultural icon, traveling the world and making money, money that he spent as fast as he made. Sadly, Jerry will break his penis and have to face the life of a regular schmuck. This is a beta test of James's proposed now storytelling podcast. Please let me how I might make this format work. Thanks. sneezeshow@gmail.com @sneezeshow on Twitter
This is a fictional story about an aging iconic porn star who breaks his penis and must navigate life in the real world. He was a sensation at a very young age because of his gigantic testicles. Those balls were so big they revitalized a struggling porn industry which was under threat from amateur with cheap video cameras. This is his story. It's the story of an over the hill porn star known the world over for his balls. A well-meaning but misguided man who claims credibly to have had sex with as many as four thousand women, mostly on camera. Yet you couldn't find a more lonely human being. He's been making pornographic videos his whole adult life. It's pretty much all he knows and along the way he became a cultural icon, traveling the world and making money, money that he spent as fast as he made. Sadly, Jerry will break his penis and have to face the life of a regular schmuck. This is a beta test of James's proposed now storytelling podcast. Please let me how I might make this format work. Thanks. sneezeshow@gmail.com @sneezeshow on Twitter
James thinks he can sneak into a elderly care home and steal the Covid-19 vaccine from getting injected into an old person. Gravity is increasing. Introducing a new experimental podcast format from James Whittingham that involves storytelling.
Santa is battered by 2020 and Christmas needs to be saved! A highly-personal interview with Santa Claus on how the pandemic has affected him personally and his operations at the North Pole. It's so bad he insists on retiring and cancelling Christmas. He's even looking at converting to Judaism. Topics touched on include elves, Mrs. Claus, infidelity, overdoing Christmas decorating, consumerism, helping the poor and how we should care more about other people. Santa is convinced to read Twas the Night Before Christmas and gives his behind-the-scenes insights into the classic poem. Subscribe to our YouTube channel. Twitter. Not suitable for young children. Feedback: Speakpipe.com/sneezeshow James's other podcast The Clean Energy Show James also stars in The Sabbatical on Prime Video.
Follow me on Twitter @SneezeShow ! James remains holed up during a winter storm while Death relentlessly knocks on his door. Covid is everywhere and coming for James at any minute. James thinks about the Israeli Space minister saying aliens exist and are meeting with Americans on Mars. He would really feel hurt if aliens did exist and he's never gotten probed. James faces his mortality and examines all the things he assumed would happen to him like thwarting a robbery or paddling a kayak during a flood on the evening news. In the end, James decides to answer the door.
Celebrating the Canadian National Day of Podcasting, James reflects on his old podcast, JamesPod and then, in the spirit of that old show, does an audio demonstration of how to use a bidet. Featuring a homage to voice over actor Jay Robertson, The Canadian Podcast Buffet with Mark Blevis and the late Bob Goyetche. Bidet tip: Use warm water but not for too long or you loosen everything up and an enemy ensues.
2020 has been our Covid year from hell and James continues to be unstable. The Utah Monolith and Denmark minks coming back from the dead seal the deal on this godawful year. 50 million Americans think the U.S. election was stolen but they're not in the streets protesting like they are in Belarus. Why? Because they don't really believe it. They choose to live in a fantasy world. Plus the crazy story when James was trying to fall asleep to the podcast The Feed by Libsyn. Part 2 coming soon.
Comic James Whittingham stopped podcasting during the pandemic but now he's back to fill you in on everything he did during the summer. His daughter became feral. She it took months and hundreds of dollars to unmatte her hair before school. James lists the things that don't work on his body since he's getting old. Mark auditioned to be side-kick on the show and we play his tape including his recongnition of James's devotion to the bidet. James only learned recently that Robin of Batman and Robin was a kid. How James spent his pandemic: He bought an ebike which gave him the false impression of having super powers. Then he has a near-fatal bike accident, or so he says. The neighbors are really bugging James. One of them is crazy hand has two giant clocks in her front window. And after his new electric snow shovel goes into operation, he finds that snow-blowing yellow snow leads to problems. Yet, he has a idea of what to do with it. An introvert, James likes wearing a mask. In fact, he wants to take it further. James argues that he should be first in line for a vaccine. Well, almost first. New segment: "Tweet or Delete" It's about tweet regret. James reviews his tweets to see if the passage of time has made him embarrassed about them. If so, he'll delete them on the podcast. Subscribe to our YouTube Channel. Contact us on Twitter.
James has had it with the pandemic. The solution? A no holds barred ANGRY rant about everything Covid life gave us. I've so had it with everything! I can't even feel like I should do a podcast! Fuck book shelves Fuck the Republican Party fuck birthday parties fuck choirs fuck spittle Fuck Pollution Fuck walmart fuck amazon fuck Halloween candy fuck sexism fuck Florida fuck my neighour fuck his Corvette fuck his boredom fuck his lawn mower fuck his lawn fuck his retirement fuck his hat he never wears hat so it must be terrible fuck apple tv plus fuck lysol wipes fuck hand sanitizer fuck hand sanitizer made by your local micro brewery fuck hair fuck my covid mop fuck my hairstylist who is a herd immunity fan fuck herds Fuck cows for burping the planet into oblivion fuck working from home fuck Hollywood for satiating me fuck the mail man where is he? Fuck the amazon delivery person fuck prime day fuck mail in voting fuck circles on the sidewalk fuck six feet fuck grocery stores. It's like a zombie escape room. Fuck doctors fuck my pharmacist fuck the person who delivers my prescription fuck bicycles fuck ebikes fuck zoom fuck skype fuck web cams fuck reporters pathetic homes fuck winter fuck bars fuck millennials fuck contact tracers fuck politicians fuck podcasters, there's more of them now fuck children who can't get sick fuck bleach fuck Americans fuck old ladies who vote based on the candidates smile. Fuck late night tv hosts fuck stephen colbert fuck the nhl fuck carboard cutouts in stands fuck bubbles fuck spiky corona virus graphics fuck saturday night live at home bless saturday night live with an audience fuck kanye west fuck mental illness fuck social distancing fuck aerosols fuck political debates fuck the us postal service fuck uber eats fuck skip the fucking dishes. Fuck food fuck my messy kitchen fuck screens that have taken over my kids fuck distance learning fuck your online passwords fuck the police. Fuck covid songs fuck all lives matter because they don't fuck tear gas fuck lies fuck fox news fuck evangelicals fuck what's her name fuck the supreme court fuck my crush on Kaitlan Collins fuck middle age fuck preexisting conditions fuck makeshift morgues fuck parties fuck cancer fuck obesity fuck walter reid fuck cloudy weather fuck smart phones fuck facebook fuck mark zuckerberg fuck twitter fuck pornography that pretends to be insest, it ruins it for the rest of us. Fuck my bladder fuck my flatulence fuck reality television fuck the pandemic fuck mourning from a distance fuck masks fuck your mask i hate your fucking mask. Fuck people who sew their own mask fuck dollar store masks fuck costco masks fuck branded masks fuck covid fuck disease fuck the same infectiousness disease experts i have watch on cable news over and over. Fuck them that they're young and hot. Fuck their bookcases fuck their dogs running around behind them fuck gardening fuck fresh air fuck 2020 like really go fuck yourself! Fuck sneezing
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