Securely Attached

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...   What is the difference between attachment bonds and parental preferences? If your child shows you their most dysregulated behaviors, doesn't listen to you, or is their messiest self with you, what these behaviors may reveal. (Spoiler: It's a good sign!) If your child does have an insecure attachment to you, practical strategies and interventions you can use to start repairing your relationship. The difference between independent play and child led play, and how only one of these is used to help you improve your connection. Dr. Sarah's 6-basics that all kids need before you can start developing a deeper bond with your child. How you can tap into your child's attachment security in other relationships to help you deepen your own bond to each other.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Melinda Wenner Moyer, author of the new book Hello, Cruel World! joins me to break down the most essential skills kids need to thrive in today's complicated times.   Together we explore:   The three powerful themes Melinda saw again and again in her research and how you can tap into these to help you be more effective in your parenting. Practical and realistic ways to help kids feel truly seen and heard. How slowing down, staying curious, and fostering a growth mindset isn't just for kids, but for parents too. The surprising power of guiding children to discover answers on their own—and how this can actually build critical neural circuitry in their brains A simple, impactful question you can ask your child to help them reflect and learn to trust their own judgment. The critical yet often overlooked role of self-compassion in mental health, and the three key components of self-compassion every parent should know. What it really means when kids say things like “I hate myself” or “I shouldn't be part of this family,” and how to respond with empathy.   If you've ever felt overwhelmed by the pressures of modern parenting or worried about helping your child manage their feelings and decisions, this episode offers research-backed, actionable wisdom you won't want to miss.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: ✨ https://www.melindawennermoyer.com/   READ HER BOOKS:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...     Why potty training blends both physiological and psychological factors and how parents can wrap their head around both to best support your child. How parents can understand the biological-psychological feedback loop and how this can affect your child's body and mind. How to get on the same page when there are multiple caregivers and providers who spend time with your child. Exactly what to be tracking to help you get to the root of the problem and how to determine if your responses are inadvertently perpetuating the challenges and anxiety your child may be experiencing.  Taking a pause if you notice a regression can be helpful - but only for some kids and in some situations. How to know when a reset is appropriate and when you might not want to use this approach with your child. What parents can do to help a child become less fearful and more relaxed in the bathroom. What is interoceptive sensory input, and how can this be helpful to focus on and build for your child outside of the bathroom?     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Sharon Itkoff Nacache is joining me to break down the myths and truths about art therapy—what it is, what it isn't, and why creativity can be such a powerful tool for healing, integration, and resilience.   Together we explore:   The common questions people have about art therapy, and how integrating creative arts into therapy can support emotional processing, integration, and healing.  The difference between open studio models, art therapy, and art psychotherapy and how each can serve different therapeutic goals. How art can help us (and our kids) process overwhelming experiences that might feel too big or complex to articulate with words alone. Why the materials matter: How Sharon intentionally uses tools like dry or wet media to support different emotional states and how you can use these same principles in your own creative exploration. Why creative expression goes far beyond painting or drawing—how journaling, movement, or even doodling can become powerful tools to ground yourself in moments of stress or burnout. A simple yet powerful exercise Dr. Sarah uses with her clients to identify and reconnect with unmet needs that you can do too. What it means to build "creative resilience" and how it can help you access more joy, safe risk-taking, and a sense of internal flow. Sharon's best strategies for those who feel creatively blocked or don't consider themselves “artistic” and why you don't need to be an artist to benefit from creative self-expression.   Whether you've been curious about art therapy or are simply looking for accessible ways to reconnect with yourself and find a sense of emotional grounding, this conversation is full of both inspiration and tangible takeaways.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: Co-Create Art Therapy   GET HER BOOK:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about...   There is no correlation between a baby who self-weans and the development of a secure attachment. You're going to piss off your kids a lot… that's totally normal and doesn't mean that they won't form a strong and healthy attachment to you. It makes sense your child wants what feels good to them, but that doesn't necessarily mean that what they want is also what they need.  Helpful Hint: When your child stops breastfeeding, there is often a period of time where they will eat less - and this can lead to more anxiety, especially if you are doing this because of concerns over their nutrition. Clothing choices, accessible snacks, and meal planning: Some practical tips for moms who are ready to stop breastfeeding.  How to build your child's distress tolerance and help them prepare for this big transition.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

In this episode, I'm joined by cognitive psychologist and ADHD expert Eliza Barach to explore the brain-based differences that drive many of the challenges (and strengths!) that come with ADHD.   Together we cover:   The neuroscience of an ADHD brain and why having this basic knowledge can be so impactful for your parenting! How understanding the roles of dopamine and norepinephrine are important aspects of understanding your child (or yourself!) with ADHD. Why people with ADHD are more vulnerable to all forms of addictions. And while our culture rewards some addictive behaviors (like workaholism) while condemning others, both can have negative impacts on your mental health. How to make transitions easier for your child with ADHD. (Want to learn more about this topic? Check out episode 295. How can I get my child with ADHD go from one activity to the next without a fight?) Specific and real-life strategies parents can implement to add more stimulation to boring tasks that will decrease the amount of fights and power struggles between you and your child. Why kids with ADHD are so prone to meltdowns and how pointing out the logic to your child in these hot moments can help lay the foundation for more self-regulation in the future. (But, only if you do so in the "right" way.) Activating your child's Task Positive Network can be regulating for the nervous system—what parents can do to get this part of your child's brain to turn on. The failing of the system for diagnosis of ADHD, especially in girls and marginalized communities, and why getting a diagnosis is so vital for allowing proper support for a person's unique strengths and challenges.  If you've ever wondered whether your child might have ADHD, felt unsure how to support them without constant conflict, or simply wanted to better understand their needs, this episode is packed with clarity, compassion, and expert insights you can put into practice right away.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: https://www.neural-revolution.com/   ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...     How do you know when to encourage your child to stick with an activity versus when it's okay to let them step away? Does your approach change if the activity is a team sport versus an individual activity? What are effective ways to talk to your partner about these concerns without triggering defensiveness or shutting down the conversation? How sibling dynamics along with parental expectations can influence a child's interests and shape their developing identity. A helpful phrase you can use that may reduce some of the pressure and urgency, leading to lessened friction and tension between your partner and child.       ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:  

Dr. Wendy Rote is joining me to unpack some surprising and even counterintuitive findings about kids, smartphones, and social media. She and her team are in the middle of a groundbreaking longitudinal study following tweens over time, giving us rare insight into how technology is shaping the mental health and identity development of Generation Alpha.   Together we explore:   Why the question “Is social media making kids depressed?” might be the wrong one to ask and what we should be asking instead. A finding that might shock you: Kids with smartphones actually show better physical and mental health outcomes in some key areas. What kind of social media behaviors are linked to more depressive symptoms and why it's not as simple as “time spent online.” How compulsive checking could be a major mental health red flag that parents often miss. New, not-yet-published finding on the real impact school cell phone bans have been shown to have on kids. Why do some kids without phones actually report more cyberbullying and what that might reveal about exclusion and social dynamics? The one tech rule that makes the biggest difference in kids' well-being that has a greater impact that time limits and parental control setting.   If you've ever worried about screen time, debated a phone ban, or felt unsure how to support your child's relationship with tech, this conversation will give you fresh perspective, surprising data, and tangible guidance rooted in real research.   LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...     It's okay to set boundaries without needing to justify why you are setting them. How to communicate your boundaries to a friend or neighbor (with a sample script you can use!) to honor your needs without burning a bridge.  Effective communication strategies and suggested responses for setting restrictions on allowing one of the neighborhood kids to come over uninvited - and how you can respond if your friends or neighbors pushes back. What if your neighbor sees that you let other kids come over unsupervised? A reminder that both the mom setting the boundary and the mom receiving it could benefit from hearing.     ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:  

Jennie Monness is joining me this week to break down the difference between developmentally normal (and healthy!) anxiety and signs that your child may need additional support—and how you can adjust your parenting approach to effectively support both.   Together we explore:   Why our instinct to remove discomfort may actually make anxiety worse—and what to do instead. How to support children with separation anxiety, and the surprising stressors that often go unnoticed during transitions. Utilizing strategies to help your child feel more grounded, like routines, visual schedules, and previewing. The difference between information gathering and reassurance seeking behaviors in children - and how knowing this difference can impact which parenting tool you use to best support them. Dr. Sarah's simple “anxiety formula” that helps you know exactly where to focus your support. How to get to the root of your child's fear, when it isn't so obvious to decode and identify for parents. Play therapy techniques and somatic work you can use to explore the fears that are hard for your child to talk about or that they are avoiding outside of playful environments.   Whether your child is anxious about school drop-off, starting something new, or just seems to struggle with big feelings, this conversation will help you feel more empowered to support them—without needing to rescue them from every hard emotion.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: https://www.jenniemonness.com/ https://www.unionsquareplay.com/ https://charmspring.com/   FOLLOW US ON SOCIAL MEDIA:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about...   What to do when your toddler spirals from silly to overstimulated in seconds. Unpacking the difference between dysregulation and high arousal—and why this distinction matters. Strategies parents can use to share joyful, silly and playful moment with your sensitive child without overwhelming them. If you stop being so silly and fun, is that over-accommodating and bowing down too much to your child without teaching them that they need to handle this? When these stimulation meltdowns happen, what you can do to recover. How you can build your child's tolerance for the silliness while modulating the intensity to help you. How a playful response can also help move you out of a shame response. Is there a different strategy to use if this high arousal overwhelm comes from a more fun and silly moment versus you losing your cool and yelling?     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

What if the way we talk about birth is shaping the way we experience it—before it even begins? Joining me to unpack this is journalist, professor, and author of Invisible Labor: The Untold Story of the Cesarean Section, Rachel Somerstein.   Together we explore:   The hidden biases and ingrained language that shape how we view birth—why terms like "failure to progress" reinforce harmful narratives. Why flexibility is a powerful tool in birth and parenting—and why we so often slip into rigidity when we feel anxious or out of control. The societal pressure to “do birth right” and how it impacts a birthing person's experience. The troubling reality of whose life we prioritize in birth and what that says about our values in America. Why do some births lead to trauma while others don't? What the research reveals about the difference. The importance of preparing for a c-section—even if it's not part of your birth plan—so that you feel safe and supported if it happens. Simple but impactful shifts that could make c-sections a more positive experience.   With 1 in 3 births resulting in a c-section, this is a conversation every birthing person deserves to hear. Tune in for a thought-provoking deep dive into the realities of modern birth and what we can do to reclaim agency in the process.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...   What is the difference between sharing and taking turns from a developmental standpoint? When the validation of your child's feelings doesn't seem to work well–what to do instead. Why there actually is a form of grief as a part of the taking turns experience and a mindset shift you can use to feel compassion for that feeling (even if it feels completely ridiculous to you from an adult perspective!) Territoriality versus play challenges - unpacking the different skillsets needed for different types of turn-taking experiences.  Games you can play to practice the skills required for taking turns. A reminder to parents that while this can feel high stakes, that intensity may inadvertently add to the dysregulation your child feels and cause them to dig their heels in more.      REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

In this episode, psychologist and author of The Crucial Years Dr. Sheryl Ziegler joins me to shine a light on the unique needs and challenges of raising 6-12 year olds - a period often overlooked in parenting conversations, despite being a period of massive emotional, social, and biological development.   Together we explore:   Why puberty is starting younger than ever, what's driving this trend, and how stress and environment play a critical role. How to tell when your child's “teenage” behaviors (like slamming doors or talking back) are developmentally normal versus when they may be signaling something more. How to foster self-esteem and emotional regulation using Erik Erikson's psychosocial stages as a framework. What “industriousness” versus “inferiority” means for kids—and why understanding this distinction matters so much for healthy development. How parenting styles are being shaped by the internet, social norms, and cultural messaging—and how to stay grounded in what your individual child needs. Why the pandemic had a unique impact on kids in this age range and how that continues to show up in surprising ways. Actionable strategies for parents of middle-year kids, including emotional attunement, helping them name and understand nuanced feelings, and how to have brave conversations about tough topics.   With humor, warmth, and deep clinical insight, Dr. Ziegler offers a compassionate reminder that while the middle years may fly under the radar, they are foundational—and your presence during this time matters more than you think.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

What if understanding how your child thinks and learns could completely change the way you support them—and help them thrive in the process? Dr. Yael Rothman and Dr. Katia Fredriksen of Neuropsych Moms are joining me this week to demystify neuropsychological evaluations and empower parents with the tools to better understand and advocate for their children.   The surprising ways neuropsych testing can help unlock your child's potential (hint: it's not just about diagnoses). Why leaning into your child's strengths matters—and how to do that without tipping into toxic positivity. The conversation around diagnosis that so many parents fear—and why not talking about it might actually be more harmful. The 3 questions to ask yourself to help you determine if you should get your child a neuropsych evaluation and what you can expect from the process once you've made the decision to move forward. Is there an ideal age for children to receive a neuropsych evaluation? The importance of connecting all your child's doctors and mental health providers and why so many parents don't know this is an option. Clearing up some of the most common myths and fears surrounding a diagnosis like ADHD and autism.  Before you have a conversation with your child about their diagnosis, what parents should do first.   Whether you're wondering if a neuropsych evaluation is right for your child or you're looking for guidance after a diagnosis, tune in now to feel more confident and informed.       LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUESTS: https://www.neuropsychmoms.com/ https://stixrud.com/staff/katia-fredriksen/ https://www.rothmanpediatricneuropsychology.com/    READ THEIR BOOKS:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about...   Simple, effective emotion regulation strategies that actually work for 6-year-olds when disappointment over losing takes over—and how to use them in a way that feels supportive, not controlling. When to step in and what to say—a breakdown of the best parenting approaches before, during, and after a game to help your child manage big feelings in the moment (and build skills for the future). The secret to teaching good sportsmanship outside of game time—why some of the most powerful lessons happen when no one's keeping score. How the exact same words you say to your child can be either validating and invading - and what makes the difference so you can avoid the latter.  How to keep things fun while still building resilience—because not every moment needs to be a teaching moment (and knowing when to step back is just as important). Unpacking the root drive of competitiveness in children so you know how to best channel this toward healthy and socially acceptable behaviors.     ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:  

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...   - It may be taboo to say, but it's very common for parents to feel more connected to one child than another.   - A sample script you can use with your kids to articulate the different types of relationship dynamics you have with each of them that will serve to actually strengthen your bond.   - Some kids require extra support which may lead to more friction in your relationship - how you can orient these kids to what connects you over what is more challenging about your relationship.   - Why focusing on children's strengths, especially children who are more sensitive or explosive, can be so crucial.    - How you can form a stronger bond with a child who you may not naturally feel as easily connected to.       ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:  

What if small shifts in your awareness and energy could help you feel more connected, present, and empowered—not just as a parent, but as a whole person?   Energy practitioner Stephanie Filardi is joining me this week to help us explore how being aligned and connected to yourself allows you to make choices that support not only your child's mental health, but your own well-being, too.   In this episode, we explore:   The difference between “woo-woo” energy healing and what research actually shows about the mind-body connection. How we can direct our focus and beliefs to shift our energy and mindset. Why no emotion is inherently bad—and how to work with difficult feelings, rather than against them, in yourself and your child. What meditation can open up for you and how to use it practically in your parenting life. What it really means to “accept what is”—and how this concept can reduce stress and increase clarity. How our kids pick up on our energy (even when we don't say a word). What research reveals about how attention shapes our brain and behavior. The ego's role in pulling us out of alignment—and how to shift from control to connection. A calming, grounding meditation you can return to anytime you feel overwhelmed.   If you're craving more ease and alignment in your life and parenting, this episode is full of actionable insights that will help you shift out of burnout and into a more grounded, intentional way of being.

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...   - What are sensory seeking and sensory inhibiting behaviors and drives?   - How you can determine whether your child's "aggressive behaviors” are actually sensory seeking - and how this changes the interventions you use.   - Are these behaviors volitional? Our answer might surprise you!   - What to do if your child's aggressive behaviors don't seem to be fueled by a reaction to anything in the environment (aka, they hit the kid next to them seemingly out of nowhere.)   - The occupational therapy strategies that parents can use with your kids to activate their sensory input systems.   - Why helping kids understand themselves opens the door to allowing them to build their regulation toolkit.     ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:  

In this episode, the creator of AEDP, Dr. Diana Fosha, psychotherapist Karen Pando-Mars, and I dive into the science of healing attachment wounds and exploring how AEDP can help people create healthier patterns.   Together we explore:   - What exactly is AEDP, directly from the creator of this therapy modality herself   - Unpacking how and why attachment "styles" aren't as fixed as we often think, and may not even be the most accurate way of thinking about attachment security...and what actually is!   - What the research reveals about repairing attachment ruptures and how to get through them in order to establish a secure attachment relationship.   - An exercise in reflective functioning and the types of things you can say to model and build this skill in your child.   - A trick for allowing yourself to stay in a feeling of discomfort or shame without immediately going straight to defensiveness.    - What people with different attachment styles need to start to move more toward secure attachment.   Tune in for a discussion that will shift your perspective on attachment, healing, and the power of connection.     SHOW NOTES: (link)   LEARN MORE ABOUT AEDP: https://aedpinstitute.org/   ATTEND THEIR CONFERENCE: https://aedpinstitute.org/aedp-conference-2025-in-it-together/   READ THEIR BOOK:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...   - The science of why transitions are so hard for the ADHD brain - it's not just that you or your child are "difficult," it's actually the way a neurodiverse brain works.   - What type of executive functioning skills need more scaffolding for a person with ADHD (And the good news, that being intentional about strengthen them can be a real game changer!)   - Some of these underdeveloped skills can create a snowball effect. Learn exactly how you can identify and make changes to your child's day to improve these challenging patterns.   - A few real-life examples of how Dr. Emily breaks down tasks, like getting her son to soccer practice with all his gear or helping him study for a test, that makes it easier for him, her, and their whole family.   - Creating a systematic approach for lessening how much support you offer your child that is most likely to help them internalize these new skills and behaviors.    - A transition hack you can use that will make it easier to go from activity to activity.       REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:   The digital platform Dr. Emily uses with her own child: Quizlet Create a visual guide of your child's routine: Small Dry Erase Whiteboard, A visual timer you can use: 60-Minute Timer  

The way we parent isn't just shaped by psychology—it's deeply influenced by culture, shaping how our children experience love, discipline, and security in ways we may not even realize. Joining me to unpack this is clinical psychologist Dr. Miguelina German.   In this episode we explore:   - Two overarching parenting frameworks, Attachment Theory and Baumrind Parenting Practices, and how understanding the nuances of each can help us in our parenting approach.    - The importance of “warmth” in parenting and what the research reveals of the positive correlation between our child's perception of high warmth with positive outcomes.   - How generational trauma, values, and cultural norms can inform differences in parenting strategies and styles.    - The impact of being separated from a caregiver as a young child and the attachment rupture that can occur during critical developmental times.   - How to repair a relationship that has undergone an attachment rupture.   Parenting is not one-size-fits-all. By understanding the interplay between attachment, cultural influences, and parenting styles, we can create stronger, more secure connections with our children.       LEARN MORE ABOUT DR. MIGUELINA: https://www.drmiguelinagerman.com/   ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: Ghosts in the Nursery: A Psychoanalytic Approach to the Problems of Impaired Infant-Mother Relationships Angels in the nursery: The intergenerational transmission of benevolent parental influences Dr. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson - The 4 S's   CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...   - When you notice unhealthy patterns in how you tend to show up in relationships or in past therapy, how you can communicate that to your new therapist to help treatment be more successful.   - If you're feeling overwhelmed by the idea of starting with a new therapist, we share a conversation starter that may make you feel more confident.   - Strategies for vetting potential therapists - both for professional expertise as well as goodness of fit.   - Red flags to be on the lookout for as you are deciding if a therapist is right for you.   - Why it can be helpful to have a basic understanding of the different types of evidence-based treatments and clinical interventions for complex trauma, or whatever mental health challenge you're struggling with.   - How to take into account the cultural, personal, and clinical sensitivities you may have when making your choice.       REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

What if small shifts in the way you parent could help prevent Imposter Syndrome in your child before it even starts? Dr. Lisa Orbé-Austin is joining me this week to help parents learn how to raise a child who trusts in their own abilities, values, and worth.   In this episode we explore:   - What imposter syndrome actually is (and what it isn't!) from a scientific and psychological perspective.   - Why it's common to see self-sabotaging behaviors in people who are experiencing Imposter Syndrome - and what you can do to help you or your kids combat this.   - The impact of rigid versus growth mindset on children as they develop and grow.   - Are certain attachment patterns more prone to Imposter Syndrome?   - The types of conversations you can have with your child, and even with other adults in front of your child, that will lay the groundwork for resilience.   - Why receiving a neurodiversity diagnosis can be empowering for kids and can help combat many associated challenges, Imposter Syndrome being one of them!   - What does it mean to hyper-regulate and how does our environment reinforce this behavior? Is it more common in men or women? With certain siblings? - We're unpacking it all!   If you're someone who's ever doubted their own success, or is noticing perfectionistic tendencies in your child, this episode is packed with eye-opening takeaways you won't want to miss!     LEARN MORE ABOUT DR. LISA: https://www.dynamictransitionsllp.com/   READ DR. LISA'S BOOKS:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about...   - What to do when your reassurances to your child doesn't help soothe their anxiety.   - A sample script of the type of thing you can say (and wait to try to avoid saying) to help your child believe that they can cope with the feeling of anxiety.   - When our good intentions go bad - some of the most common “mistakes” parents make when navigating their child's anxiety.   - Understanding the difference between temporarily soothing your child's fears and using a more effective long-term solution.   - Is it anxiety? The questions to ask yourself to help you determine if your child is experiencing anxiety beyond a normative level.   - How to tell your child you are going to start doing things differently when they start feeling anxious.    - Should you respond differently when your child's anxiety is fueled by something that is possible (like a medical misdiagnosis) rather than something we as adults know are impossible (like a monster under the bed)?     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

In this episode, licensed marriage and family therapist Gayane Aramyan joins me to unpack the “perfect mom” pressure so many of us contend with on a daily basis.   In this episode we cover:   - Why our expectations of motherhood often don't match reality—and how to stop blaming ourselves when they don't.   - The hidden ways control fuels anxiety and overwhelm, and how loosening our grip can make parenting easier.   - The power of flexibility in parenting, and why giving yourself permission to adapt can be a game-changer.   - What to do when you reach a stage of your child's development that you simply don't enjoy.   - The key support systems to have in place before entering motherhood to make the transition smoother.   - The differences we're seeing with millennial mothers from what has been considered norms of the past.   - How to know when the mom-guilt you feel is getting in the way of your parenting and strategies for challenging it.   If you've ever felt like you're falling short of the motherhood ideal, this conversation is here to remind you: You don't have to be perfect—you just have to be you.       LEARN MORE ABOUT GAYANE: https://www.therapywithgayane.com/   FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about...   - Dr. Sarah and Dr. Rebecca sympathize with this mom and reflects on how great it would be if we could choose our kid's friends - but offer a mindset shift for why that actually wouldn't be healthy.   - Who to turn to for support to help you determine what your best course of action might be.   - A statement you can say to your child that can help you begin to understand why they may be exhibiting more clingy behaviors.   - How to get to the root of your own anxieties and fears so you can determine what you might be projecting onto your kids versus what are actual issues they need support navigating.   - What to avoid saying to your child that may unintentionally cause them to pull away from you.   - A formula you can use (that works with children of all ages!) to help you know whether the questions you are asking your child will likely be helpful or may lead to increased pressure.     ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:  

When journalist and author Stephanie Foo was diagnosed with Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), she left her job and devoted herself to healing—a journey she chronicled in her bestselling memoir, What My Bones Know. Now, as a mother, she's navigating what it means to parent with complex trauma, balancing the high-alert nervous system that comes with C-PTSD while trying to stay present for her child.   In this powerful conversation, Stephanie shares:   - The difference between PTSD and C-PTSD—and why relational healing is essential for many forms of trauma.   - How motherhood reshapes the brain and why it can trigger fight-or-flight responses.   - The unique challenges of rupture and repair with a child versus an adult.   - Why parents with complex trauma may struggle with isolation and finding a supportive community can be so helpful.   - The strategies that have helped Stephanie most, all of which are useful for any parent, with or without trauma.   If you've ever felt like parenting is unearthing deep, unresolved parts of yourself, this episode offers both insight and hope.     LEARN MORE ABOUT STEPHANIE: https://www.stephaniefoo.me/   READ STEPHANIE'S BOOK:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about...   - Dr. Sarah and Dr. Rebecca debate whether mom-guilt is inherent to all mothers or a societally structured construct (Spoiler: Dr. Rebecca wins this battle!)   - The critical distinction between distress and guilt and why one can be a destructive grenade in parenting.   - Releasing guilt is a form of activism - we're explaining why.   - How to course correct once you've noticed you're parenting from a space of guilt.   - The question to ask yourself that can help guide your behaviors as a parent that come from a place of attunement and trust, rather than guilt or fear.   - Using a “values-driven” distinction to help you determine the root reasons you are making certain decisions, and how bringing this into your consciousness can be helpful.     ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:  

Girls are often sent messages that can leave them feeling unseen, unheard, and boxed in by societal expectations. How can we as parents help them challenge these limiting narratives and grow into their full potential?   In this episode, I'm joined by Dr. Jo-Ann Finkelstein to explore:   - How societal norms shape girls' self-perception, from the “pink frilly dress” phase to body image struggles in their teens.   - Research statistics that will blow your mind on everything from when gender bias begins, how widespread it is, and its impact on everything from what parents Google to how often girls and boys are called on in school.   - How to examine and confront the gender stereotypes we unknowingly pass on to our kids when so much of it is unconscious.   - Practical strategies to help kids understand and navigate the societal messages they encounter. Including a simple yet powerful hack for challenging gender roles when reading children's books.   - Actionable advice for fostering resilience and confidence in girls, as well as how to teach boys to work alongside girls to combat toxic masculinity.   If you want to help your kids break free from limiting narratives and thrive as their authentic selves, this episode is a must-listen!     LEARN MORE ABOUT DR. JO-ANN: https://www.joannfinkelstein.com/   READ DR. JO-ANN'S BOOK:

Grief isn't something we get over—it's something we integrate. Joining me to discuss this and the best way to support children through profound loss is Dr. Dan Wolfson, a clinical psychologist specializing in grief.   In this episode we explore:   - The skills needed for fostering resilience and helping children and adults learn to grieve in a healthy manner.   - The importance of “oscillation” through grief and how Dr. Dan works with his patients to help them learn to process their feelings without these emotions completely overtaking them.   - How to help determine when and how it's time for your child (or you) to go back to things like extracurricular activities, birthday parties, and other “normal” ways of reengaging with life.   - Parents are often hesitant to show their own grief to their children, however, this can be a helpful form of modeling. We discuss appropriate ways to share your emotions with your child.   - Typical behaviors and regressions we often see in children who are processing profound sadness and difficult emotions, so you know what to be on the lookout for.   If you or your child are navigating profound loss, this conversation is here to remind you that healing isn't linear, and you don't have to do it alone.     LEARN MORE ABOUT DR. DAN: https://www.wolfsontherapy.com/danwolfson   LEARN MORE ABOUT EXPERIENCE CAMPS: https://experiencecamps.org/about-us   FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about...   - First things first, why are schools still sending out candy grams in this current climate with a loneliness epidemic on the rise?    - Cliques and posses that form in middle school are often rife with envy, jealousy, gossip, and temptation - how to help our kids navigate this.    - What advice to give your child when they are left out in a friend group.   - How to help a child who tends to avoid conflict in their interpersonal relationships build a greater tolerance for joining in and addressing things directly.   - “There is a difference between a kid who says 'I am going to let this go' vs. 'I am going to hold this in.'"   - Understanding “social currency” and how that impacts children, especially as they move into the stage of development where their attention begins to move away from their parents and much more heavily toward their peers.     ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:  

Do you know the signs of postpartum depression? Many parents (and even medical professionals) often miss diagnosing new mothers with a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder. Here to help shed light on this important topic is Board-Certified OB/GYN and author of the upcoming book, Then Comes Baby, Dr. Jessica Vernon.   In this episode we explore:   - Why postpartum mental health conditions are so often overlooked—even in medical training.   - The types of questions Dr. Jessica started asking her prenatal and postpartum patients that allowed them the space to open up and reveal the struggles they were experiencing.    - How the 6-week check-in after birth become the standard practice and what birthing people can expect of their bodies and minds at the 6-week mark.   - Why women experiencing mental health struggles in postpartum are so prone to feelings of guilt and shame - even though there is no difference between medical risks and mental health risks, as a society we tend to attach more shame to mental health challenges.   - What is matrescence and how is it revolutionizing the way we view early motherhood.   - Managing our expectations with the realization that reality and our fantasies often don't match up and how that can cause struggles - from birth, to feeding, postpartum, and early parenthood.   - Free moms groups, books, and other resources for expecting and new parents.   Whether you're pregnant, newly postpartum, or a professional working with new parents, this episode offers essential insights into how we can improve postpartum care and support maternal mental health.     LEARN MORE ABOUT DR. JESSICA: https://www.drjessicavernon.com/    PRE-ORDER DR. JESSICA'S BOOK:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...   - Even if we aren't adding more pressure to our kids, the world often pushes external achievements on them - how can parents push back against this.   - Why trying to problem solve with your child may seem like it's supporting them, but is actually perpetuating their anxiety.   - The one pillar you can use as a parent to guide all your interactions with your child that can help to defuse the pressure they feel, rather than inadvertently adding to it.   - Saying grades don't matter is like saying, “throw your sense of control out the window.” What to say instead.   - Our society glorifies perfectionism, but in reality kids who engage in highly perfectionist tendencies tend to have higher anxiety and internalize their stress, which can lead to missed signs that they need support.   - We describe a helpful thought exercise you can try with your child today.     WANT ADDITIONAL SUPPORT?

How does attachment security relate to codependency? The Codependent Perfectionist, Alana Carvalho, is here to explore just that!   In this episode we cover:   - How does codependency fit into the attachment system?   - Does this sound like what you're struggling with in your relationship? We're reviewing some for the most common challenges partners face when one person is more avoidant and the other is more anxious.   - Challenging perceptions of what is necessary in a relationship. When we are seeing the world through dysfunctional patterns, we are often unaware of this dysfunction.   - The differences between missatunement versus misperception and how understanding this difference can help us get on the same page on both!   - A tangible exercise you can do with your partner to help you create a stronger dynamic (and why this works to not kick up a threat response so they're more able to engage in the conversation more successfully.)   Whether you're struggling with relational patterns or looking to better understand your partner, this episode offers powerful insights and tools for cultivating healthier relationships.     LEARN MORE ABOUT ALANA: https://www.alanacarvalho.com/   TAKE THE QUIZ: https://www.alanacarvalho.com/the-codependent-perfectionist-quiz/   READ ALANA'S BOOK:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about...   - Breaking down the difference between having differing political view points versus someone having extremist views.    - How the health of our relationships with our parents is often intertwined with our relationship with ourselves, our kids, and our entire family system.    - How to manage feeling lost, un-seen, and destabilized when a parent shifts to being less of a secure attachment figure.   - Does this change in your parent's views and values mean you have to throw out all the things you have learned from them that inform your approach to raising your own kids?   - When it's best to try to compartmentalize things your parent might say, and when it's necessary to hold firm boundaries.   - Learn Dr. Sarah's simple framework for setting and holding effective boundaries.     ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:  

Music therapist Vered Benhorin is teaching parents how they can use play and music as powerful tools to strengthen connection, foster attachment, and make parenting feel a little easier.   In this episode, we explore:   - Why play is so important for emotional regulation, attachment, and connection—and how parents who don't naturally enjoy play can redefine what it looks like.   - What are “Bubble Moments,” and how can parents tap into these times throughout the day to deepen their relationship with their child?   - How music impacts the brain, reinforcing neural networks that support routines, emotional regulation, and even executive functioning skills.   - The science behind a “sing-song” voice and why it feels so regulating for both you and your child.   - How to expand your definition of play to find activities that feel fun and authentic for you as a parent.   Whether you're looking to strengthen your bond with your child, better understand attachment theory, or discover simple ways to use music and play to make parenting more joyful, this episode is packed with insights and practical advice you won't want to miss!     LEARN MORE ABOUT VERED: https://www.babyintune.com/   READ VERED'S NEW BOOK:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about...   - What does it mean to be “nesting” during a divorce?   - What types of logistical and emotional factors to consider to help you determine if this is a good choice for your family.   - What are the pros and cons of nesting for kids (and for you!)   - How to help kids feel secure during a separation, whether you've decided to nest with your ex or not.   - A script for helping your child understand the difference between love in a parent-child relationship and love in a romantic adult relationship. This distinction can help kids who may be worried that they will get left too.     ARE YOU A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL? Go to upshurbren.com/IFSTraining to register for The Good Mom/Bad Mom Loop, a 3-hour workshop on 2/27 designed to teach professionals how to integrate Internal Family Systems concepts into maternal mental health services to provide improved support for moms.     ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

Sibling relationships are some of the longest-lasting and most influential relationships in our lives, but they're also filled with complexity. Dr. Jonathan Caspi, a renowned expert on sibling relationships, is breaking down the fascinating science behind sibling dynamics and sharing actionable advice for parents.   In this episode we explore:   - The surprising science behind why if you give two siblings and two strangers personality tests, the siblings wouldn't be any more similar than the strangers.   - The importance of neutrality in parental interventions with siblings and how this can prevent feelings of favoritism and resentment.   - Practical strategies for managing sibling conflict: Like what to say in the heat of the moment to support their problem-solving skills, what to focus on (and what to ignore) to build closeness and empathy, and how to know it's time to get involved vs. when to let them work it out themselves, and more!   - How to respond if your child struggles when you bring a new baby home with methods that foster closeness and decrease rivalry.    - Insider versus outsider status: How parents can unintentionally create sibling rivalry, and what to do instead.   - The vital importance of parental regulation and how to stay calm when our “mama bear” instincts are triggered.   Whether you're trying to navigate sibling squabbles, encourage connection, or simply understand the dynamics at play in your own family, this episode is packed with fascinating insights and practical tools you won't want to miss!     LEARN MORE ABOUT DR. JONATHAN CASPI: https://siblingexpert.com/   READ DR. JONATHAN'S BOOK:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about...   - What is developmentally typical for 2-year-olds when it comes to manners and patience?   - Understanding impulse control, joint attention, and attunement - and how to use these 3 things to help you know how to respond to your child when they are demanding your attention.   - When to pause to validate your child's desire, and when it's okay to ignore their request.   - How to help your child tolerate waiting (no matter how big their reaction is to being told they need to wait.)   - How to collaboratively problem solve with your child to come up with strategies around what they CAN do to interrupt you when they need your attention.      ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:  

What role do early attachment relationships play in shaping who we become? In this episode, Dr. Alan Sroufe, a pioneering researcher in attachment, shares decades of insights from his groundbreaking longitudinal study. Together we explore: - How Dr. Sroufe's research answered the question: Do early experiences leave a lasting legacy? - Why resilience isn't just about thriving in the face of adversity, but is deeply rooted in the strength of attachment relationships. - The importance of early relationships in helping children develop a sense of safety, positive self-worth, and durable relationships. - A hopeful message that attachment isn't fixed and that secure relationships in adolescence and adulthood can change developmental trajectories, even after challenging childhoods. - Why the quality, not quantity, of time with your child matters most (and what babies can teach us about connection). - How parents can help shape the meaning children make of their world and guide them through challenges with empathy. Dr. Sroufe's work shows that while early experiences are never erased, they're always building blocks for growth—and recovery is always possible.   READ THE BOOK DR. ALAN'S RECOMMENDS PARENTS START WITH:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...   - It can be tricky to maintain relationships when you're in different stages of life from your friends and it's common for some to atrophy after you become a parent.    - Unpacking all the feelings you may have about this: fear, guilt, grief, and more!   - Practical strategies for creating a simple routine that is easy for you to maintain, but will also allow you to keep these relationships from going too long without any checkins.    - When you are changed by motherhood, you may slip into black-and-white thinking with regard to your friendships. We offer you a perspective shift you can use to challenge that.   - How to check in with yourself so you can understand the root of your desires for connection, which will help you create realistic anchors that will actually meet your needs.   - Time management and scheduling hacks that can help you be intentional about protecting the time you do have.   - How to repair bonds with friends who may feel hurt, slighted, or abandoned by you.     ARE YOU A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL?   Go to upshurbren.com/IFSTraining to register for The Good Mom/Bad Mom Loop, a 3-hour workshop on 2/27 designed to teach professionals how to integrate Internal Family Systems concepts into maternal mental health services to provide improved support for moms.     ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:  

Discover how maternal mental health care is evolving and why specialized support is critical for mothers with Paige Bellenbaum, LCSW, PMH-C and Rebecca Geshuri, LMFT, PMH-C.   In this episode we explore:   - What dyadic work is and how this can be especially beneficial for mothers and birthing people for developing a bond with their child.   - How Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy can support mothers in addressing their inner “mom parts” that contribute to feelings of failure and overwhelm.   - How polarized parts and perfectionism can create distress in motherhood and how embracing a “both-and” mentality can offer relief and self-compassion.   - The questions to ask when looking for a provider to ensure they're trained in maternal mental health and understand the complexities of this life stage.   - Why it's so important for pediatricians, OBGYNs, or anyone who often comes into contact with birthing parents to have even a basic understanding of this transformative experience.   Whether you're a mother seeking support, a professional working with birthing parents, or simply someone invested in breaking the stigma around mental health and motherhood, this episode is filled with practical insights you won't want to miss.     REGISTER FOR THE TRAINING ON FEB. 27: Go to upshurbren.com/IFSTraining to register for this 3-hour workshop designed to teach professionals how to integrate Internal Family Systems concepts into maternal mental health services to provide improved support for moms.   LEARN MORE ABOUT THE MOTHERHOOD CENTER: https://themotherhoodcenter.com/   LEARN MORE ABOUT REBECCA: https://www.rebeccageshurilmft.com/get-to-know-me   ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: Postpartum Support International Ghosts in the Nursery: A Psychoanalytic Approach to the Problems of Impaired Infant-Mother Relationships   LISTEN TO PAIGE & REBECCA'S PAST EPISODES:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...   - How to best approach daycare transitions and is there a right or a wrong answer to this question?    - The most important questions to ask yourself to determine which of these scenarios will be easiest for your unique child.   - Is it better to have a single, potentially steeper transition or a slower, more incremental transition?   - The key things to consider (like sleep habits, separation anxiety, etc.) to help you determine which is best for your individual situation.   - Zooming out to see how this change will impact the entire family system and adding these factors into your decision making process.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

Neha Ruch is sharing strategies for embracing flexibility as you balance, shift, and grow in both your career and parenthood.   In this episode we explore:   - How to redefine what “career” means to you at this stage of life and navigate the evolving roles of being a working or stay-at-home parent.   - Why downshifting your career can be a valuable smaller step if you're not ready to take a full pause.   - Preparing for this transition to feel less overwhelming—emotionally, financially, and in terms of your shifting identity.   - Supporting women in feeling validated and respected in their choices to dial up or down in their careers.   - How motherhood can be a time to foster creativity and the importance of staying connected to what brings you joy—whether it's for work or personal fulfillment.   - A good first step for moms who don't know where to begin in making this shift.   - What a “family administration” meeting is and how to evaluate what's working and what's not—giving yourself permission to let go of what isn't serving you.   Don't miss this episode that will help you redefine what career means to you!       LEARN MORE ABOUT NEHA: https://www.motheruntitled.com/   READ NEHA'S NEW BOOK:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...   - Unpacking your own feelings about swearing (or any undesirable behaviors) your child is engaging in.   - How to teach your child to attune to their environment and know when and where certain behaviors are appropriate and when and where they are not.   - Zooming out to identify what your child's intention is when they are swearing (to test boundaries, in anger, in silly moments, etc.) to help you know how to respond.   - When and how to use strategies that have the greatest likelihood of getting this behavior to stop.   - A playful script that can defuse the tension and keep you from feeling triggered.    - The big differences to the approaches you may want to try based on who is the recipient of inappropriate or hurtful language.   - How to get your children to disengage from each other's negative behaviors, instead of being fueled by each other.   - How Dr. Sarah and Dr. Emily handle swearing in their own homes with their kids.   - The benefits of swearing that may surprise you.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES: Swearing may be a sign of a higher intelligence Cursing can increase pain tolerance      ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:  

A deep dive on combating parental burnout to start off 2025 with more balance.   In this episode I dive deep into…   - Understanding what parental burnout actually is and how it is different from regular “stress” in parenthood?   - The pros and cons of the rise of the “Parenting Industrial Complex.”   - The output/input formula that will inevitably lead to depletion, and why parents of sensitive children are more susceptible to an imbalance in this equation.   - An exercise you can use to address (and flip!) your personal output/input equation to create more balance for yourself.   - Taking a Family-Systems approach to addressing and treating parental burnout.   - How parental burnout can impact the parent-child relationship, leading to more dysregulated behaviors from our kids, us losing our cool, and creating a self-perpetuating negative feedback loop.   - Why traditional self-care strategies don't work for combatting parental burnout, and my recommendations for practical, realistic, and attainable strategies that actually do!     LEARN MORE ABOUT DR. SARAH BREN: https://drsarahbren.com/   FOLLOW DR. SARAH ON INSTAGRAM: @drsarahbren   ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: The Surgeon General Report: Parental Mental Health & Well-Being  In one study, Parents whose children experienced anxiety or ADHD had two to four times higher risk of experiencing parental burnout (anxiety: OR, 2.54; ADHD: OR, 4.41) compared with those whose children had no anxiety or ADHD. [1] Addressing systemic problems with Raena Boston, Lauren Smith Brody, and Alexis Barad-Cutler Encouraging your child to engage in independent play   CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...   - Translating the question: I don't want a sibling may actually just mean, “I miss you.”   - Zooming back to assess the environmental factors that may be taxing your child, especially when there are a lot of transitions and changes going on.   - How to change the narrative in your young child's mind so they don't associate losing quality time with Mommy and Daddy to having more siblings.   - When to simply validate your child's feelings and when to know if it's time to try to make some changes.   - A script of exactly what you can say to help your child feel more contained and regulated in these moments.   - Why helping your child feel seen in the moment can foster their secure attachment, which may end up indirectly solving the problems you're experiencing.     ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: