Securely Attached

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...   - How to support a child who struggles with separation anxiety, even at home. - Why some kids follow their parents from room to room and constantly want to stay close. - How to respond when your child says "I miss you" without accidentally reinforcing anxiety. - Why validating your child's feelings is important, but rescuing them from distress can sometimes make separation harder over time. - Simple ways to help children build confidence tolerating small separations through play, connection, and gradual stretching. - How to figure out your child's "stretch point" so you can support growth without overwhelming them. - Creative ways to use timers, playfulness, collaboration, and connection to help kids practice independence. - How parents can reduce accommodations around anxiety while still staying warm, supportive, and emotionally attuned.   This episode will help you better understand what may be driving your child's clinginess or separation struggles and give you practical, compassionate strategies for helping them build confidence and independence over time.     ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:  

Dr. Jacob Ham, licensed clinical psychologist and Director of the Center for Trauma and Resilience at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, joins me for a profound conversation about trauma, attachment, presence, and the relational experiences that help us heal.   Together we explore:   - Why trauma is not defined solely by what happened to us, but by how those experiences continue to shape the way we relate to ourselves and others. - The difference between living from a state of survival and living from a state of presence. - How trauma can disrupt our natural capacity to move fluidly between connection, protection, openness, and autonomy. - Why healing does not happen through insight alone, but through relationships that allow us to experience safety, reflection, and connection. - The concept of reflective functioning and why it is one of the strongest predictors of secure attachment across generations. - How becoming aware of our internal "chatter" can help us respond with greater compassion toward ourselves and our children. - Why rupture and repair are a normal and necessary part of healthy relationships. - How parents can begin breaking intergenerational cycles by cultivating curiosity, awareness, and presence.   This conversation offers a powerful reminder that secure attachment is not built through perfection. It is built through our willingness to stay present, remain open to reflection, and continually return to connection with ourselves and the people we love. Dr. Ham shares a deeply hopeful perspective on how healing happens and how even small moments of awareness can begin to transform the patterns we pass on to the next generation.

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...   - How to prepare young children for a big move without overwhelming them. - Why moving can feel surprisingly emotional and disorienting for kids, even when the change is positive. - Simple ways to help children understand what's changing, what's staying the same, and what they can expect in their new home. - Why visual supports, transitional objects, and goodbye rituals can help kids feel more grounded during major transitions. - How to help children stay connected to important relationships after moving away from friends, teachers, and familiar places. - Why making new friends can feel especially stressful for some kids, and how parents can help them feel more confident socially. - Practical ways parents can create emotional continuity, safety, and connection before, during, and after a move.   This episode will help you better understand how children experience major transitions and give you thoughtful, practical ways to support your child emotionally through a move.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Dr. Tracy Dennis-Tiwary, clinical psychologist, researcher, and author of Future Tense: Why Anxiety Is Good for You (Even Though It Feels Bad), joins me to talk about why anxiety is one of the most misunderstood emotions in parenting.   Together we explore:   - The surprising difference between anxiety that helps us grow and anxiety that gets in the way. - Why anxiety may be helping your child (and you!) more than you realize. - How to tell when anxiety is healthy and when it's becoming a problem. - Why some of the most common responses to childhood anxiety can backfire. - The surprising connection between anxiety, hope, and resilience. - How parents can become a source of calm without dismissing or fixing their child's feelings. - The simple shift that can help you stop seeing anxiety as the enemy. - Dr. Dennis-Tiwary's three-step framework for responding to anxiety in yourself and your child.   This conversation offers a powerful reframe for parents who want to support their children through anxiety without reinforcing fear or avoidance. It is about learning to see anxiety not as an enemy, but as a normal part of being human, and helping our children develop the confidence to face uncertainty, navigate discomfort, and trust their ability to handle life's challenges.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...   Why it is completely normal for young children to explore their bodies and engage in self-soothing behaviors. How parents can respond to self-touching in a calm, shame-free, developmentally appropriate way. The difference between setting healthy boundaries and unintentionally communicating shame around bodies or pleasure. Why some children may use self-touching as a form of sensory input, comfort, or emotional regulation, especially at bedtime. How to teach children about privacy and body boundaries using neutral, age-appropriate language. What to do when self-touching is happening in a shared bedroom or around siblings. Ways to help children expand their self-soothing toolbox with other calming sensory and bedtime supports. Why parents' own discomfort or cultural messaging around sexuality can sometimes shape how these moments feel. How to navigate sibling questions or reactions without making the behavior feel scary or secretive. The importance of helping children feel safe, accepted, and connected to their bodies while still maintaining appropriate boundaries.   This episode will help you feel more confident responding to common childhood self-soothing and body exploration behaviors with calm, clarity, and compassion.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Collaborative divorce attorney and positive psychology practitioner Andrea Vacca joins me to talk about something many families don't realize is possible: a way to move through divorce without escalating conflict or damaging long-term relationships.   For many people, divorce is synonymous with battle. It's something to survive, something to win, or something to endure at all costs. But as Andrea explains, that model often makes an already painful experience even harder for both parents and children.   In this conversation, we explore how a more intentional, team-based approach can help families navigate divorce in a way that supports emotional well-being, preserves dignity, and sets the foundation for healthier co-parenting moving forward.   Together, we discuss:   What collaborative divorce is and how it differs from traditional litigation. Why you don't need strong communication skills to start this process, just a willingness to try. How a team-based approach (including mental health and financial professionals) supports the whole family. The biggest myths about collaborative divorce, especially for high-conflict couples. How positive psychology can help shift your mindset from survival to growth during divorce. The concept of a "good enough" agreement and how it can reduce unnecessary conflict. How emotional regulation impacts decision-making during divorce. What it actually looks like to create a thoughtful, durable co-parenting plan. How to revisit and improve parenting plans, even after a divorce is finalized. How parents can protect their child's sense of stability during a major family transition.   This conversation is about more than divorce. It's about how we navigate major life transitions, how we stay grounded in our values under stress, and how we make decisions that support not just short-term relief, but long-term well-being for ourselves and our children.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...   How to support a sensitive, gentle child in becoming more confident using his voice with peers. The difference between helping your child build self-advocacy skills and trying to change their temperament. How to teach kids simple, effective boundary-setting tools that actually work in fast-paced peer interactions. Why "old soul" kids may naturally learn polite, sophisticated communication, but still need help practicing more direct forms of assertiveness. Playful ways to practice boundary-setting and self-advocacy skills at home through games and role play. How to know when to step in as a parent and when to allow kids space to navigate social challenges on their own. Why it's important to match a child's communication tools to the intensity and energy of the situation they're in. The importance of checking whether a child is actually distressed before assuming a social interaction is a major problem.   This episode will help you feel more confident supporting your child's self-advocacy skills while still honoring their unique temperament, sensitivity, and personality.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

In this deep dive episode, I explore how secure attachment evolves across development and what children are really needing from us emotionally at each stage of childhood and adolescence. Using Erik Erikson's stages of psychosocial development as a framework, we look at the core emotional tasks kids are navigating from infancy through young adulthood, and how our role as parents shifts alongside them.   Together, we explore:   - What secure attachment looks like at different developmental stages. - How to stay connected to your child as their needs evolve over time. - Why toddlers push for independence and what they need from us in those moments. - How play, boredom, and curiosity support emotional development in early childhood - Why school-age kids become more focused on achievement, perfectionism, and peer comparison. - How social media can intensify insecurity during key developmental windows. - Why adolescence can suddenly feel so emotionally intense and unpredictable. - How to stay a secure base for your teen without escalating power struggles. - What today's loneliness epidemic can teach us about raising emotionally connected kids. - Why repair matters more than perfection in secure relationships. - How understanding your child's developmental task can completely shift the way you respond to behavior.   This episode is ultimately about learning to zoom out. Not to parent each stage perfectly, but to better understand what your child is actually working through underneath the behaviors, emotions, and developmental shifts that can sometimes leave us feeling confused or disconnected. Because when we understand the developmental needs driving our child's behavior, we can respond with more clarity, compassion, and connection.     LEARN MORE ABOUT ME:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...   - Whether co-sleeping is actually a problem, or simply a parenting choice that works for some families. - How to tell the difference between connection-based co-sleeping and anxiety-driven sleep struggles. - Why independent sleep is a skill that develops over time through practice, not pressure. - How to support your child's growing independence without making them feel rejected. - What it can look like when children naturally begin transitioning out of their parents' bed on their own. - How to approach sleep transitions gently if co-sleeping stops working for your family. - Why there is no one "right" way to handle sleep arrangements, and how to focus on what works best for your child, your relationship, and your family as a whole. - The importance of safe co-sleeping practices and understanding how to co-sleep safely with young children.   This episode will help you feel more confident navigating co-sleeping, independent sleep, and nighttime connection in a way that feels aligned with your family's needs, values, and stage of life.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Jennifer Wallace joins the podcast to explore a powerful but often overlooked foundation of mental health and resilience: the human need to feel like we matter. While so much of parenting focuses on what we do for our kids, this conversation invites us to look inward, because a child's sense of mattering is deeply shaped by how much their parents feel valued, seen, and significant in their own lives. Drawing from research and real-life stories, we unpack why so many adults today feel invisible, overwhelmed, or defined by achievement, and how that shapes the way we show up in our relationships with our children.   Together we explore:   - What it actually means to "matter" and why it's different from self-esteem or a sense of purpose. - Why parents today are at risk of feeling like they don't matter, and how that impacts their kids. - The connection between mattering, anxiety, burnout, and loneliness. - A simple framework for building deeper, more meaningful relationships. - Why "delight" is a critical ingredient in helping children feel secure and valued. - How to model a healthy sense of self so your child doesn't feel pressure to be your "everything." - Practical ways to help kids both feel valued and add value in their families and communities. - How showing others they matter can actually be the fastest way to feel like you matter too.   This conversation is a reminder that parenting doesn't happen in a vacuum. When we feel grounded in our own worth, supported by meaningful relationships and a sense of connection, we create the conditions for our children to internalize that same belief: you matter, just as you are.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...   - Why it's important to tell your child that they are starting therapy (and why many parents avoid it). - How to explain therapy in simple, developmentally appropriate language your child will actually understand. - Why using your child's own words for their struggles, like "worry" or "big feelings," matters. - What to call a therapist and how to describe what they do in a way that makes sense to kids. - What to do if your child asks, "Is something wrong with me?" - Why getting your child's buy-in matters and how to help them feel invested. - How to frame therapy as something the whole family is working on together.   This episode will help you feel more confident in how to approach this conversation, reduce anxiety around starting therapy, and support your child in a way that builds trust, openness, and emotional resilience.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Dr. Jay Belsky joins the podcast to explore one of the most important and often misunderstood truths in parenting: the same environment does not affect every child the same way. Drawing from decades of research on nature and nurture, this conversation looks at how biology and experience work together to shape development, and why some kids are more sensitive to their environments while others are more resilient.   Together, we explore:   Why some children are more affected by parenting, stress, and environment than others. The difference between sensitivity and susceptibility, and why it matters for long-term development. What "developmental plasticity" is and how it shapes the way kids respond to their experiences. Why resilience is not always a good thing and sensitivity is not always a problem. How nature and nurture work together to shape each child in unique ways. The one thing within a parent's control that can help protect children from adversity. How to shift from trying to control outcomes to supporting the child you have. The difference between "carpenter" parenting and "gardener" parenting, and why it changes everything. How to set realistic expectations for yourself and your child without lowering the bar.   This conversation offers a powerful reframe for parents who feel confused, overwhelmed, or frustrated when what works for one child doesn't work for another. It is about understanding your child as an individual, letting go of the pressure to get it exactly right, and focusing on what truly supports healthy development over time.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...   What the research actually says about attachment and why one strong, secure relationship is enough for healthy development. Why your child asking for the other parent may actually be a sign of a secure attachment, not a problem. How toddler development (around age 2) shapes their awareness of family structure and separation. How to talk about an absent parent in a way that is simple, neutral, and developmentally appropriate. The importance of naming and validating your child's feelings, like sadness, curiosity, or confusion. How your own emotional responses can influence how often your child brings this topic up. Why these questions often show up at bedtime and how to respond while still holding bedtime boundaries.   This episode will help you feel more grounded and reassured in your role as a parent, and more confident in how to support your child through big feelings, hard questions, and family differences in a way that strengthens your connection.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Rachel Melvald joins the podcast to explore a powerful but often overlooked influence on our children's behavior, mood, and regulation: the spaces they live in. Drawing from her work in Neurodesign, this conversation looks at how our home environment shapes the nervous system and impacts how both kids and parents feel and function.   Together, we explore:   - How clutter and visual overwhelm increase cognitive load and dysregulation in kids (and adults). - Why fewer toys can actually support more focused, creative, and independent play. - How predictable, organized spaces help children feel safer and more regulated. - The role of sensory input, like lighting, color, texture, and movement, in shaping behavior and mood. - Why natural elements are so powerful for calming the nervous system. - How to think about different spaces in your home and the function you want them to serve. - Simple, practical changes that can have an immediate impact on how your home feels. - How design can support not just individual regulation, but connection, boundaries, and family relationships.   This conversation offers a new lens on parenting, one that goes beyond behavior strategies and focuses on the environment itself. It's about creating spaces that support regulation, connection, and well-being for the whole family.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about...   What to do when your toddler refuses the potty and fights diaper changes, leaving you stuck in a frustrating in-between stage. Why diaper changes and potty training resistance is often less about the potty and more about control and autonomy. Common ways power struggles often show up during diaper changes and potty training. Simple and practical strategies to give your child more agency without losing necessary boundaries to reduce tension and make diaper changes feel less like a battle. Creative strategies to build positive associations with the bathroom. What it looks like to go slower with potty training, and why that can be more effective.   This episode will help you approach diaper changes and potty training with less pressure, more clarity, and practical strategies to reduce the daily struggles while supporting your child's growing independence.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Catherine Price returns to the podcast to talk about one of the biggest challenges facing parents today: how to help kids build a healthier relationship with screens. Drawing from her new book, The Amazing Generation (co-authored with Jonathan Haidt), this conversation explores how to move from power struggles and fear-based messaging to approaches that build insight, agency, and real buy-in from kids themselves.   Together, we explore:   Why simply telling kids to "get off screens" often backfires. What kids are actually getting from screens (and what they're missing). How to explain to kids that tech companies are designed to capture attention in a way that makes them feel empowered. Why "real world" experiences are critical for development and how screens can crowd them out. Practical ways to support connection and independence without defaulting to smartphones. How to have conversations about screens that don't lead to shutdown or conflict. Simple shifts that can help your child become more aware, reflective, and intentional with technology. Why building a full, engaging life offline naturally reduces screen time.   This conversation is about more than just screen time. It's about helping kids develop the awareness, confidence, and agency to make choices that align with the kind of life they actually want to live, and how we, as parents, can support that process.       LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about how to support a child who is struggling to communicate with their peers.   Together we explore:   The difference between scaffolding and helicopter parenting, and how to find the right balance. How your goals for a playdate can shape how much you step in. The role of context, including the child your kid is playing with and how familiar they are with each other. What scaffolding can actually look like in the moment, beyond just helping with words. How narrating and "sportscasting" interactions can support both kids without taking over. How to tune into your child's cues to determine whether something is truly a problem. The trap of overthinking and how to recognize when things might actually be going just fine.   This episode will help you feel more confident in knowing when to step in, when to step back, and how to support your child's social and communication skills in a way that builds both competence and connection.       REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Nurse and founder of My Lice Advice, Theresa, joins me to talk about one of the most common (and surprisingly emotional) parenting challenges: lice. While lice is something most families will encounter at some point, it often brings a wave of panic, shame, and overwhelm. But as Theresa explains, it doesn't have to.   Together, we explore:   Why lice has become so stigmatized and what's actually driving the shame parents feel. The biggest myths about lice (including cleanliness and how it spreads). What lice actually is and how it's passed from child to child. How to talk to your child about lice in a way that is calm, clear, and shame-free. What you do not need to clean (and how to avoid unnecessary overwhelm). The most effective ways to treat lice based on current research. What to look for to know a treatment has actually worked. Simple prevention strategies that can reduce the likelihood of future cases. How to stay regulated and approach lice as something manageable, not catastrophic.   This conversation is about more than just lice. It's about how we respond to the unexpected moments in parenting, how we manage our own anxiety, and how we model calm, capable problem-solving for our kids.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about what to do when your child goes from calm to meltdown in what feels like seconds, especially during everyday moments like turning off the TV, leaving the park, or cleaning up.   Together we explore:   Why going from "0 to 60" is actually more common than you think, especially for sensitive kids. How setting and holding limits can still be the right thing to do, even when it leads to a meltdown. The mindset shift that can help you feel less frustrated when big reactions happen. The role of transitions and why they can feel so much harder for kids than they do for adults. Practical ways to anticipate and soften tough moments before they escalate. How things like hunger, fatigue, and overwhelm can make reactions bigger and faster. Simple strategies like giving warnings, breaking tasks into smaller steps, and joining your child in the process. Why slowing down and pausing can sometimes be more effective than escalating your response.   This episode will help you better understand why your child's reactions can feel so sudden and intense, and how to respond in a way that keeps you grounded, holds your boundaries, and supports your child through those big feelings.       REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Katherine Miller, author of The Emotionally Savvy Divorce and collaborative law professional, joins me to talk about what it actually means to navigate divorce in a way that reduces conflict, supports your well-being, and protects your children.   Together, we explore:   The difference between reacting and responding, and how this shift can change the outcome of conflict. Why most divorce conflict is not actually about what you're fighting about, but what's underneath it. The concept of the "conflict trap" and why the same arguments repeat over and over. Simple strategies to pause in heated moments. How to communicate more effectively with a co-parent, even when they are not being collaborative. What collaborative divorce is and how it helps families reduce conflict and make more thoughtful decisions. Why "winning" in divorce often backfires, especially when children are involved. How to shift the dynamic with a high-conflict partner without escalating the situation.   This conversation is not just about divorce. It's about learning how to use your emotions as information, stay grounded under pressure, and respond in ways that align with your long-term goals.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about...   Why many parents worry that using the word "autism" might make their child feel different or labeled, and how to think about that fear. What research and clinical experience suggest about telling your child sooner rather than later. How giving a diagnosis a name can actually feel empowering and help your child make sense of their experiences. What it looks like to take a neuroaffirming, strengths-based approach when talking about autism. How to explain autism to a young child in developmentally appropriate, non-pathologizing language.Why this doesn't have to be one big, serious conversation and how to follow your child's lead over time. The value of being the one who defines what autism means for your child, before the world does. Simple ways to normalize and support your child through representation, stories, and everyday conversations.   This episode will help you understand how to talk about neurodiversity in a way that feels simple, affirming, and age-appropriate, so your child can better understand their brain, their strengths, and the ways they experience the world.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

I'm joined by doula, childbirth educator, and founder of Baby To Go, Sarah Ludwig, to talk about what it actually means to prepare for birth and why so many parents feel overwhelmed, anxious, or like they have to "get it right."   Together, we explore:   What a doula actually does and how they support families during pregnancy, labor, and postpartum. Why pregnancy can increase anxiety, and how to work with it instead of against it. The difference between what you can control and what you can't during birth. How to think about birth plans as flexible "preferences" rather than fixed outcomes. Why trying to control every detail can sometimes make anxiety worse. How to build confidence in your ability to cope, even when things don't go as planned. The role of postpartum planning and why it's often overlooked. How to recognize when anxiety is within a normal range and when it might need more support.   Instead of focusing on creating the perfect plan, this conversation is about building your ability to cope with uncertainty and feel more confident in the process.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about...   - Why the expectation that toddlers should already know how to regulate themselves is a common parenting myth. - What's actually happening in a child's brain and body when their emotional "gas tank" is empty. - Why your child's big reaction to a limit doesn't mean you've done something wrong. - The difference between holding a boundary and trying to solve your child's feelings. - What to do when your child's behavior is physically aggressive, like hitting or hair pulling. - Why your own triggers matter and how understanding them can help you respond differently. - The foundational factors (like sleep, fresh air, movement, and connection) that often drive behavior more than discipline strategies.   If you've ever felt powerless, guilty, or overwhelmed in the face of your child's big emotions, this episode will help you zoom out, reset unrealistic expectations, and approach these moments with more clarity and compassion—for both your child and yourself.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

GLP-1 medications like Ozempic and Wegovy are everywhere right now. But behind the headlines and social media debates are real people navigating complicated questions about body image, health, and how to talk about these changes with their families.   Clinical psychologist Dr. Rachel Goldman joins me to unpack the psychology behind GLP-1 medications, the concept of "food noise," and how parents can thoughtfully talk to their children about changes in their own bodies.   Together we explore:   Why obesity is now understood as a chronic, multifactorial disease rather than a simple issue of willpower. What "food noise" is and why GLP-1 medications can dramatically quiet the constant mental chatter around food. The biggest misconceptions about GLP-1 medications and why they're not simply "weight loss drugs." Why significant body changes can bring up complicated identity and emotional shifts. How parents can talk to kids about weight loss or body changes without reinforcing shame or diet culture. The difference between body positivity and body neutrality and why neutrality may be more realistic and helpful for many families. Small language shifts that help children focus on what their bodies do, rather than how they look. Why it's never too late for parents to shift the way they talk about bodies and health.   This conversation will help you understand the science and psychology behind GLP-1 medications and give you practical tools and language to navigate your own health journey and talk about it with your kids in thoughtful, supportive ways.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about...   - What a time-in actually is and how it's different from a time-out. - How to tell if your child's behavior is coming from dysregulation, a skill gap, or deliberate behavior. - How to know which discipline tools will work best in each unique situation. - The difference between co-regulating during a meltdown and teaching a behavioral boundary (and how to know when to use each). - How to use time-outs as a teaching tool, not a punishment. - How developmental stages affect behaviors like hitting, tantrums, and defiance—and what realistic expectations to set. - Why trying to find the "perfect parenting script" often makes discipline harder. - The one question to ask yourself that will help you decide what to do in the moment.   If you've ever found yourself wondering whether you should comfort your child, correct the behavior, or step away entirely, this episode will help you zoom out, understand what's really going on underneath the behavior, and respond more intentionally.       REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Let's revisit the foundation of raising securely attached kids! I'm bringing back one of my first ever episodes to help parents understand the basics of how a secure attachment bond impacts children's resilience, confidence, and overall well-being.   Tune in to hear:   - What secure attachment is and how it plays a key role in nurturing a child's confidence, curiosity, and ability to handle life's ups and downs.   - The powerful influence of feeling safe and seen on a child's ability to be honest, adaptable, and resilient.   - Practical strategies for fostering secure attachment, no matter the age of your child.   - How attachment affects a child's development into a compassionate, kind individual who can build meaningful relationships throughout their life.   This episode offers science-backed insights and actionable tips and is a must-listen for all parents!     INTERESTED IN LEARNING MORE ABOUT ATTACHMENT SCIENCE? Click HERE to download my free guide, The Four Pillars of Fostering Secure Attachment, helping you parent with a focus on attunement and trust.   LEARN MORE ABOUT DR. SARAH: https://drsarahbren.com/   FOLLOW DR. SARAH ON INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/drsarahbren/     CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about...   - Whether it's developmentally realistic to expect a baby and a toddler to "work together" during play. - If separating siblings in certain moments is helpful parenting… or something we're supposed to avoid. - The concept of "territory" in child development and why young children often need spaces and projects that feel protected. - Why pushing young children to share too early can sometimes make cooperation harder later on. - How helping a toddler trust that their creations and belongings will be respected can actually reduce sibling rivalry over time. - The difference between communal family spaces and personal spaces for kids' toys and projects. - Simple ways to set boundaries that support both children's needs without turning every moment into a negotiation. - Where kids actually learn to get along with siblings — so you can focus on the moments that matter and release some of the pressure around the rest.   If you're parenting siblings close in age and feel like you're constantly refereeing fights over toys, this episode will help you better understand what's developmentally normal and give you practical ways to support both children without feeling like you have to force sharing or cooperation before they're ready.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Dr. Audrey van der Meer, developmental neuroscientist and Professor of Neuropsychology at NTNU, joins me to talk about what's happening inside our children's brains when they write by hand versus type on a keyboard and what the shift toward fully digital classrooms may be costing their learning, memory, and focus.   Together we explore:   - What gross motor development is and why its sequential nature is so essential for a child's development. - The research that illustrated that handwriting activates larger neural networks linked to memory, attention, and deeper learning compared to typing. - Why taking notes by hand improves memory retention and comprehension. - The "use it or lose it" principle of brain development and what that means for cognitive growth. - What studies reveal about reading on paper versus reading on screens. - How screens can be beneficial too, so you can make informed, intentional decisions about when to incorporate technology and when to set limits. - Practical, realistic ways parents can strengthen brain development at home without banning screens or rejecting technology altogether.   This conversation isn't about rejecting technology or going back to the Stone Age. It's about being intentional. And when we understand how the brain evolved to learn, we can make small shifts that serve to strengthen our children's development.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...   Why cleanup time can be surprisingly hard for young children. What's really happening in your toddler's brain and body when they are resisting transitions. Is repeating yourself over and over again a normal part of parenting young kids? And how do you know when it's part of the learning process versus something that needs a different approach? How motor planning, executive functioning, and task initiation can make something like "clean up your toys" feel overwhelming to a child. Why you might still be doing 90% of the cleanup work at this age (and why that can actually be part of the learning process.) Practical strategies to make cleanup easier, including breaking tasks into smaller steps, planning ahead for transitions, and using cues like songs and routines. How to shift your expectations so you can stay calm and connected instead of getting pulled into power struggles.   If you find yourself repeating the same requests over and over while trying to stay patient and regulated, this episode will help you understand what's developmentally normal for young children and give you practical tools to make cleanup time and transitions feel more manageable for both you and your child.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Dr. Jett Stone, clinical psychologist and author of Quiet Your Mind: A Men's Guide, joins me to talk about paternal mental health and the invisible emotional load modern fathers are carrying, many without language, models, or permission to talk about it.   Together we explore:   -Why millennial dads often feel like they're parenting without a blueprint. - How intergenerational patterns and "boyhood rules" shape the way men show up as fathers. - Why so many dads feel like the "secondary parent" and how mothers can invite fathers in without diminishing their own needs or experiencing resentment. - The tension between wanting authority and wanting connection with your child (and how to hold both). - Why secure attachment with dads doesn't have to look exactly like secure attachment with moms. - How doing your own reflective work as a parent can transform the entire family system.   This conversation will help you understand the emotional lives of fathers with more compassion and clarity. Because when dads feel supported, included, and emotionally resourced, the whole family benefits.   Whether you're a parent, a partner, or a therapist working with families, this episode will expand the way you think about modern fatherhood.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...   Whether letting your anxious child sleep in your bed reinforces anxiety or supports emotional security. The difference between attachment needs and anxiety accommodations. Why distress tolerance and secure attachment are not competing goals. How SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) approaches sleep struggles. What it actually means to "stop an accommodation" — and why sleep isn't always the first place to start. How to know if your child can't sleep alone or simply prefers not to. Why bedtime feels so loaded for parents and how to zoom out and look at the bigger picture. The research on attachment (including why you don't have to get it right 100% of the time). How to reduce anxiety without damaging your relationship with your child.   If your child struggles with separation anxiety at night, frequently climbs into your bed, or says he's too scared to sleep alone, this episode will help you step back from the all-or-nothing messaging and make a thoughtful, individualized decision that fits your family.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Michaeleen Doucleff, science journalist and author of Dopamine Kids, joins me to talk about what's really happening in our children's brains when it comes to screens, social media, and ultra-processed foods and why so many kids (and adults) feel stuck in cycles of constant wanting without real satisfaction.   Together we explore:   What dopamine actually does in the brain and why it's not simply the "pleasure chemical." How screens and ultra-processed foods are engineered to tap into our children's seeking systems. Why today's kids may be experiencing more craving and less true gratification. Why simply taking screens away often backfires and what to replace them with instead. How small, sustainable environmental shifts (not massive overhauls) can recalibrate your child's motivation system. Practical ways to reduce screen use in the evenings, during transitions, and "on the go." How involving your child in the process can increase autonomy, buy-in, and long-term success.   This conversation isn't about fear, shame, or unrealistic detoxes. It's about understanding the science of motivation so we can make thoughtful changes that bring more color, pleasure, and peace back into our homes.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...   What "kindergarten readiness" actually means (and what it doesn't). Dr. Upshur and Dr. Bren share their personal experiences - with one choosing to send her child to kindergarten and the other deciding to hold her son back - and why. The pros and cons of redshirting, and whether being one of the youngest in the class really leads to long-term struggles. Why social-emotional readiness may matter less than you think. How family logistics, finances, community norms, local school culture, and sibling dynamics can influence your decision. What research says about long-term academic and life outcomes. How to take the pressure off yourself so you can make a thoughtful, "good enough" choice.   If you're going back and forth about whether to send your child to kindergarten or wait another year, wondering if they're too sensitive or overwhelmed to start, or worried about making the "wrong" decision, this episode will help you zoom out, gather the right information, and move forward with more clarity and confidence.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Devon Kuntzman, toddler expert and author of Transforming Toddlerhood, joins me to explain why the toddler years feel so intense and how understanding development can change everything.   Together we explore:   How toddlerhood is defined by contradictory needs for independence and attachment and why this creates so much emotional volatility. How rapid cognitive, motor, and language development can leave toddlers feeling disoriented and overwhelmed. How to slow down power struggles using developmentally informed tools like asking "What's your plan?" and turning "no" into "not yet." Why helping toddlers organize their thinking supports regulation, impulse control, and cooperation. How parents can stay flexible, grounded, and confident while navigating a stage that naturally pushes everyone's limits. How to  grab your free spot in Devon's 9th Annual Transforming Toddlerhood Conference being held live virtually from March 11th-15th.   This episode is designed to help parents make sense of toddler behavior through a developmental lens, reduce self-blame, and walk away with practical strategies for setting limits while still supporting independence, emotional growth, and secure attachment.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...   - Whether it's okay to have different rules for different kids under the same roof in a blended family. - How developmental differences and co-parenting agreements can shape household expectations. - What to do when step-siblings notice (and protest) differences in discipline. - How to align parenting styles in a blended family without creating resentment. - Why transparency and age-appropriate conversations can actually strengthen family trust. - How to approach your spouse when you feel protective, defensive, or out of sync.   If you're navigating parenting post-divorce in a blended family with different parenting plans and complex co-parenting relationships, struggling with fairness between step-siblings, or feeling unsure how to handle different rules in the same house, this episode offers clarity, nuance, and practical next steps.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Imran Ahmed, founder and CEO of the Center for Countering Digital Hate, joins me to talk about how social media platforms, algorithms, and AI systems are designed and what that means for our children's mental health and safety.   Together we explore:   How social media algorithms are built to maximize attention, and why emotionally extreme content is often amplified. What research reveals about how quickly self-harm and eating disorder content can be served to young users. How AI platforms can respond dangerously to vulnerable teens when guardrails are not properly in place. Why this is not just a "screen time" issue, but a systemic design and accountability issue. The difference between pulling the "emergency brake" and creating meaningful long-term change. What parents can realistically do at home to build digital resilience, foster trust, and partner with their children in navigating online spaces.   This episode isn't meant to create more fear, but to offer greater clarity. My hope is that parents walk away feeling informed, empowered, and better equipped to both advocate for safer systems and strengthen the relationship that ultimately protects kids most: the one they have with you.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about...   - First things first, why are schools still sending out candy grams in this current climate with a loneliness epidemic on the rise?    - Cliques and posses that form in middle school are often rife with envy, jealousy, gossip, and temptation - how to help our kids navigate this.    - What advice to give your child when they are left out in a friend group.   - How to help a child who tends to avoid conflict in their interpersonal relationships build a greater tolerance for joining in and addressing things directly.   - "There is a difference between a kid who says 'I am going to let this go' vs. 'I am going to hold this in.'"   - Understanding "social currency" and how that impacts children, especially as they move into the stage of development where their attention begins to move away from their parents and much more heavily toward their peers.   REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Dr. Nancy O'Hara, pediatrician and leading expert in PANS and PANDAS, joins me to unpack why some children experience sudden, dramatic changes in behavior, anxiety, OCD, tics, sleep, or emotional regulation following illness. For many families, these symptoms appear almost overnight and are often misdiagnosed as "just anxiety," behavioral issues, or psychiatric disorders, leaving parents confused, dismissed, and unsure how to help their child.   Together we explore:   - What PANS and PANDAS are, and how infections like strep, viruses, or tick-borne illness can trigger sudden neuropsychiatric symptoms in children. - What to assess to help you determine if your child has a generalized anxiety disorder or if it may be PANS/PANDAS that is the root cause of their symptoms. - Why PANS/PANDAS is often missed or misunderstood in both medical and mental health settings. - The three-pronged approach to treatment: Addressing the trigger, the immune system, and the child's emotional and behavioral symptoms. - How therapy, both for parents and children, can support recovery, even when symptoms have a medical origin. - Understanding that there is real hope for healing and that it's never too late to identify and address PANS or PANDAS.   This episode is designed to help parents and clinicians feel more informed, less alone, and more confident in recognizing when a child's behavior may be signaling something deeper. PANS and PANDAS are real, treatable conditions that deserve compassionate, comprehensive care.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...   - The subtle but important difference between encouraging empathy and unintentionally parentifying a child. - What reflective functioning is and why helping your child develop this skill may be one of the most important things you can do as a parent. - What helps empathy develop naturally in children without pressure or responsibility. - Ways to navigate mismatched messages from extended family while staying grounded in your own parenting values. - What parents can do to foster healthy sibling dynamics.   If you have ever worried about asking too much of your older child, felt activated by comments about siblings taking care of each other, or wondered how to support healthy sibling relationships without repeating old patterns, this episode offers clarity, nuance, and a calmer way forward.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Eli Weinstein, couples therapist and author of the upcoming book From I Do to We Do: Navigating Marriage in Parenting Years, joins me to talk about what really happens to a relationship after kids.   Together we explore:   - Why parenthood doesn't just add stress, it reactivates attachment patterns and old wounds in both partners. - What's really happening when you keep having the same fight on repeat, and how to begin spotting the deeper need beneath it. - How mental load, feeling unseen, and constant "downloading" logistics quietly erode connection and build resentment. - The difference between "we made up" and actually repairing what keeps breaking. - How couples get stuck in "gridlock arguments" and what helps uncover what's really driving the conflict. - The role overstimulation and nervous system overload play in reactivity at home. - Practical ways couples can reset and regrow in this new season, without waiting for more time, sleep, or perfect circumstances   This episode is designed to help you feel less alone in the mess of marriage after kids, and more confident about what actually helps couples stay connected, communicate better, and find their way back to each other.       LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...   - Why so many parents start questioning their instincts around holding and comforting as their baby becomes a toddler. - How to tell when your child truly needs comfort versus when they may be ready for a small, supportive stretch. - What increased clinginess may be communicating and how decoding the root cause can guide what to do next. - Why soothing and physical closeness do not undermine independence and often play a key role in helping it develop. - How to move away from rigid parenting rules and make moment-to-moment decisions rooted in attunement and nervous system cues. - What it looks like to honor your own limits without making your child feel unsafe, rejected, or "too much."   If you have ever wondered whether you are helping or hurting your child by picking them up, holding them, or setting boundaries around your availability, this episode will help you navigate those moments with more confidence.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

Rebecca Geshuri, therapist and co-author of the new book When Good Moms Feel Bad joins me to talk about why so many "good moms" still feel overwhelmed, reactive, or stuck in cycles of guilt, anger, and self-criticism.   Together we explore:   - Drawing from Internal Family Systems (IFS) Rebecca breaks down what "parts work" is and how understanding your inner parts can reduce reactivity and shame. - How polarization between "what my child needs" and "what I need" fuels burnout and emotional overwhelm. - Why parenting feels hardest when younger, protective parts take over. - What the "inner mom" is and how learning to access this part of yourself builds calm, confidence, and connection. - A simple framework to slow down in triggering moments and respond with more compassion. - How self-compassion and nervous system awareness support secure attachment — for both you and your child.   If you've been feeling overwhelmed and burnt out in parenthood, this episode offers validation, language for what you're experiencing, and practical tools to help you feel more grounded, regulated, and connected.       LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...   - What body doubling actually is and why your child may focus better simply because someone is nearby. - Why getting started on tasks (homework, getting dressed, chores) is often harder than the task itself for kids with ADHD. - How to be intentional about helping reduce procrastination, distraction, and emotional overwhelm for your child. - How to use body doubling in ways that build independence over time, instead of creating power struggles or burnout. - Real-life, low-effort examples of body doubling that don't require special systems, tutors, or more on your plate.   If your child struggles to get started, loses focus easily, or can only seem to work when someone is sitting with them, this episode offers a strategy to support them in a way that feels sustainable and actually works.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Dr. W. Thomas Boyce, author of The Orchid and the Dandelion, joins me to talk about why some children are biologically more sensitive to their environments and how that sensitivity can become either a challenge or a powerful strength.   Together we explore: - What it means to have either an orchid or a dandelion child and why this exists on a spectrum rather than as a strict either-or. - Why sensitive children often struggle the most in stressful environments and thrive the most in supportive ones. - How nervous system reactivity and regulation show up differently across kids and what that means for how you parent. - The difference between sensitivity and fragility and why sensitive kids can be incredibly resilient when the right supports are in place. - How parents can support orchid children without overprotecting or pushing them too hard.   This episode is designed to help parents better understand their child's sensitivity, feel less afraid of getting it wrong, and walk away with a clearer sense of how to support their child in a way that builds resilience, confidence, and long-term emotional health.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about...   - How to understand what is really happening when a young child becomes intensely frustrated or self critical. - Why perfectionistic behaviors in early childhood are often developmentally normal and when they may begin to impact confidence or emotional well being. - What to do in the moment when your child is dysregulated and why reassurance, praise, or growth mindset language often does not land when emotions are running high. - How staying curious about your child's negative self talk can actually support resilience and self awareness over time. - Ways to protect your child's inner voice and self esteem without trying to rush her out of uncomfortable feelings.   If your child gets stuck in frustration, takes mistakes personally, or is hard on themself, this episode will help you learn how to support their long term emotional growth.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Somatic practitioner and founder of Circle of Nurture, Lisa Rombach, joins me for a deeply grounding conversation about motherhood, the nervous system, and why mothers need support just as much as the children they care for.   Together, we explore:   - What somatic work actually is, in everyday language, and why it's not as abstract as it may sound. - How motherhood changes our relationship with our bodies and sense of self. - Why self-care often falls short and what truly helps mothers feel replenished. - The role of community, presence, and being witnessed in reducing burnout. - How being held and supported as a mother quietly shapes how our children feel safe and secure.   This episode will help mothers feel less alone, more understood, and more grounded in their own experience. You don't need to fix yourself or try harder, sometimes the most powerful shift comes from being supported and held.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...   - Whether lying is a normal part of child development or a sign of a deeper issue. - What kids are actually trying to solve when they lie and how understanding that can change the way we respond as parents. - How lying can function as a stress response, similar to fight, flight, or freeze, especially for kids with developing executive functioning. - Why pushing for confessions, lectures, or punishments often backfires, leading to more power struggles and less honesty — and what to say in the moment instead. - How to teach honesty over time without making your child feel unsafe bringing you the big stuff later on.   If your child has started lying and you find yourself wondering whether this is "normal," whether you should be worried, or how to handle it without condoning the behavior, this episode will help you respond with more calm, clarity, and confidence.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:

Independent play expert Lizzie Assa is back on Securely Attached to talk about how play is one of the most powerful ways children can build confidence, creativity, frustration tolerance, and resilience (while parents get a little breathing room back too.)   Together we explore:   - What independent play actually looks like for kids of all ages and what is realistic at each stage. - Why independent play does not just happen, and how parents can teach it without guilt or power struggles. - How to create simple "play pockets" in your home that make independent play more likely. - Signs your child may have too many toys and why toy overload can shut play down. - Specific phrases, routines, and timing cues that make independent play more successful. - How to decode what your child's play reveals about their emotional experience and where they might need extra support. - How independent play might look different for only children versus those playing with siblings.   This episode is designed to leave you with specific ideas you can put into practice immediately, from how to set up play to what to say when you step back, so independent play becomes something that actually works in your day-to-day life.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...   - Why some children are more sensitive to teasing, how temperament plays a role, and why those kids are often more likely to be targeted by peers. - How all three hosts, as therapists and parents of sensitive boys, handle teasing and social stress with their own children, including what has helped and what we had to learn the hard way. - What kids mean when they talk about "rage baiting," how this behavior shows up in friendships, and why it is especially dysregulating for sensitive children. - Whether a "toughen up" approach ever helps sensitive kids, and what Dr. Sarah learned when her husband's advice to their son worked better than her own. - How children can learn coping skills for teasing, including when to walk away, when it might be okay to engage, and how to tell the difference.   If your child takes teasing to heart and you worry about how to help without minimizing their feelings, this episode will help you support your sensitive child with more confidence, clarity, and connection.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES:  

Author of Indistractable, Nir Eyal, is here to reshape the way we think about attention, willpower, and the forces that pull our minds in a thousand different directions.   Together we explore:   - The surprising science showing that internal triggers (not technology) drive most of our daily distractions. - How stress, boredom, overwhelm, and discomfort quietly shape our habits (and our kids'). - Nir's simple 4-step framework for becoming "indistractable." - What parents can do to model healthy tech habits without constant nagging, power struggles, or guilt. - How to help kids build executive functioning skills like focus, follow-through, and frustration tolerance. - A scheduling hack families can use to reduce battles and increase connection. - The small mindset shifts that turn everyday moments of distraction into opportunities for growth.   If you've ever found yourself checking your phone without thinking, losing time to endless tasks, struggling to stay present with your child, or worrying about how screens are affecting your family, this episode offers clarity, practical tools, and a completely new way to approach focus and intentionality — for both you and your kids.     LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about...   - Why toddlers often get intensely attached to a single outfit and why this kind of rigidity is usually a totally normal part of development. - How to understand the difference between a sensory preference, a sensory processing challenge, and everyday toddler stubbornness. - What "system load" is and why kids become more rigid when they are navigating stress, transitions, or big developmental leaps. - How to reduce morning battles by planning ahead, building flexibility skills, and getting curious about what is really driving your child's resistance. - What to do on the days when nothing works, including how to ride out meltdowns with less guilt and more grounded presence.   If you are struggling with daily clothing standoffs or wondering whether your child's rigidity means something is wrong, this episode will help you make sense of what is developmentally typical, when to consider sensory support, and how to navigate tough moments with more confidence and clarity.     REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES: